#so rn the biggest issue is when to tell my parents and I don’t know what to do bc I know their reaction is going to be terrible

[radikylie]

um so hi friends today I have accepted a preliminary offer for a job at a university in the state where my love lives so we can start our lives together which means I will need to move across the country to start there in person like after thanksgiving lmao

[ray-ray-writings]

drabble idea: after Wilbur is killed by Phil, Fundy finds a smol arctic fox hybrid reader and cuz they're both foxes and the hybrid child looks abandoned, he adopts them. Then Ghostbur shows up and Fundy doesn't want him to have anything to do with his child. maybe some other relationships for fluff??? i'm just craving this rn -💍

So imagines won right? I sit down and go to write the imagine, and I just end up staring at a blank screen for what felt like forever. I know I said I would give you the option but I honestly couldn’t put anything in my brain for it. And because I spent so long staring at it, I lost a lot of time and so this is the only post for tonight…. I feel so bad. I’m sorry guys, I should have more stuff tomorrow. <3

TW: Parental abandonment.

This idea is so cute though. 

So we all know that Wilbur wasn’t the best father. He really messed Fundy up and gave him some of those good good daddy issues to where he has a hard time trusting people. But I think that he would be out on a walk, clearing his mind, trying to think of anything but his father. He’d be in a snowy biome when he hears footsteps. At first he thinks it’s a mob of some kind, so he draws his weapon and creeps toward the sound. He catches sight of something white and at first he thinks it’s a skeleton, but then the thing moves again and he can very clearly see it’s an ear, a white fluffy ear… That’s odd. “Hello?” he finally decides to call out. There is a small squeak and a lot of rustling. When he wasn’t attacked, he figured it safe to move forward. He carefully approached and as he pushed some of the bushes out of the way to reveal a small child. In one quick glance he could tell this was no ordinary child. It was an arctic fox hybrid, the fluffy white ears and tail a dead give away. In his glance, he could also tell this child was in rough shape. Their clothes were tattered and torn allowing him to see just how skinny they were. His heart ached for the poor child, “Hello little one,” he greets softly, “What are you doing out here?” 

You’d been on your own for a really really long time now. Your parents had brought you out here, told you to stay put, and left. You listened and so you waited for them to come back. But as the days went on, you began to understand what had happened. But nevertheless, you sat there and waited. Munching on the berries of the bushes, but it never quite fills your stomach. One day as you’re moving from bush to bush, a voice calls out. It startles you and you can’t help but let out a squeak as you fall to the ground in surprise. The bushes shuffle a bit and from over the top you find an orange headed man peering at you curiously. His eyes scan you quickly before he speaks, “Hello little one,” his voice soft and comforting as he speaks, “What are you doing out here?” You give him a little shrug and allow yourself to look him up and down. You’re heart thuds a little faster as you notice that he is also a fox hybrid with orange and black ears, an orange and white tail, and sharp canines poking out from his lips. “Where are you parents?” he tries again. Again, you give a little shrug and figuring you can trust this man, you speak, “Gone… Let me here.” His heart breaks at your sad and defeated tone. “They left you here? All by yourself? When did they leave?” Another shrug, “Two… three….. Weeks.” you mumble, looking down to the berry bushes, your fingers grazing them carefully. Fundy’s heart burns in anger as he thinks about how horrible your parents were for leaving their obviously amazing child to die in the woods. He’s about to speak when your stomach grumbles loudly causing you to flush in embarrassment. “Hungry?” Fundy asks, then mentally smacks himself. Of course you’re hungry your stomach just rumbled. But you nod sheepishly, still plucking at the leaves. “How would you like to come home with me. I can fix you up some fish. I have lots of fish at my house. You could eat as much as you’d like and you could stay as long as you want.” Not even caring if this guy was lying to you, you accept his offer, simply desperate to get out of the woods. Your head slowly rises from the bushes as you stare at Fundy who is smiling at you ever so softly with an outstretched hand. Carefully you raise your own arm and gently rest your hand in his, shivering at the warmth that spreads throughout your palm. “Let’s get going then kiddo.” 

Fundy leads you out of the forest and towards his house. As you two walk, you two talk… Well he does a lot of the talking and you give small answers here and there. You tell him your name and he tells you his. He talks about where you’re going and how it’s extremely safe there and how he thinks you’ll like it. He leads you inside his house, sits you at the table, before making up some fish for you and him. He places the plate down in front of you and before he can sit to eat his own meal, yours is finished. To say he’s shocked is an understatement, but he quickly remembers you were out in the forest all alone for two to three weeks, maybe longer with nothing but berries. You’re looking at him super embarrassed, like you want to ask for more but are too scared too. “Hey, it’s okay,” he soothes, walking back over to you, setting his own plate down in front of you, picking up the empty one, “You don’t have to feel bad. Like I said, I have plenty of fish, eat as much as you like.” And so you do. You eat until you’re so full you can barely move. Your eyes are sleepily closing and then jerking back open as you try to force yourself to stay awake. Fundy notices this and laughs quietly to himself. Your eyes close for a little while, giving Fundy enough time to put his plan into action. He quickly stands up, moves to you, picks you up, and carries you to his bed. He carefully lays you down, tucks you in, and presses a kiss to the top of your head. “Sleep well darling,” he mumbles, not thinking much of it. “Thanks dad” you mumble back, clearly out of it. But the simple word stops Fundy’s heart before a huge smile grows on his face. He decides that he wants you to be his child, if you want. He can feel a connection and a strong desire to care and love for you and he wants to be that strong father figure that he himself did not have. The next morning when you wake up, you don’t remember what you said obviously. You also plan to leave and go back to the forest. You would thank Fundy for feeding you but you already feel you've overstayed your welcome. You make your way down to the kitchen, ready to tell the man who saved you, who you don’t want to leave, goodbye. Fundy is standing over the stove and at the sound of your footsteps his head turns and he grins brightly at you, “Hey kiddo! Have a seat! Eggs are almost done! I hope you like them scrambled!” Not wanting him to feel bad, you do as you’re told and decide to tell him after breakfast. True to his word, the eggs don’t take that much longer and soon he’s served you some eggs. You two eat together, talking a bit about how you both slept and stuff. And after you’re done, you’re just about to tell him but then he begins to tell you about his plans for the day and asks if you want to tag along and you do. You really do. It is then you decide that you’ll stay until Fundy asks you to leave, and if that means you’re staying forever… So be it. 

Okay on to some more general headcanons and less plot type stuff haha

You two help each other in grooming your ears and tails all the time. I feel like they can be hard to get perfectly clean by yourself so you two do it together as a bonding activity. You would do Fundy’s first because it takes less time. Fundy does a lot of it and you just get the hard to reach spots and stuff, and makes sure there is no spot left unclean. However, when it’s your turn, Fundy takes complete control. He will make you just sit there and let him groom and take care of you. He is so careful as he does it. He cleans your ears and your tail carefully, making sure no dirt is left. And then he takes the time to carefully brush out the hair and make it very soft and very fluffy. It feels so nice. I would imagine you didn’t have the nicest parents, they literally left you in a forest to die, so you never got this special treatment or attention for your ears or tail. So the first time you two did this, you would be so confused. You didn’t understand what was happening or why you were being treated so kindly, which broke Fundy’s heart. I feel that’s also partly why he doesn’t let you help because he wants to make sure that you know that you will be loved and cared for as long as he’s in your life. 

So that being said, you two are so affectionate with each other. Like you curl up together and cuddle on the couch all the time. It has a lot to do with the fox side of both of you. It feels really nice to be pressed against family of your own ‘breed’ so to speak. A lot of the time it’s a lot of you sitting on his lap or laying on top him while he holds you tightly. Again, he wants to make sure that you feel loved and wanted. 

I feel like it wouldn’t take you long to call him dad. Like you accidentally did the first night, but you weren’t really awake for it. But I do feel like it would be a slip of the tongue on your part again. Just he does something for you and you give a quick “thanks dad” before you dead stop and stare at him. His eyes are also wide and filling with tears. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to call you that. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. It just that you have taken care of me from the moment I got here and I--” Fundy would cut you off by pulling you into a tight hug. “It’s okay Y/N. It really is. It would be an honor if you called me your father” he tells you. Your heart soars in your chest as you hug him back. “Okay… Thank you dad.” You two go to sleep that night with the biggest smiles on your faces that you’ve ever had.

…….. Speaking of dads….. Ghostbur comes back. One day there is a knock on the door. You’re both confused because no one should be coming over to your knowledge. But Fundy gets up and he opens the door and his confusion turns into anger. “What are you doing here?” He spits out. You slowly make your way to the front room, hiding behind a wall but peeking your head around the corner to see what was happening. There in front of your father stood an extremely pale man in a yellow sweater and a red beanie. “Hello Fundy!” the man greets, oblivious to Fundy’s harsh tone, “I came to visit you! I wanted to see my son!” A gasp catches in your throat, this was your dad’s dad. He hadn’t told you much about him, he just told you that he used to be close with his father but as he grew more obsessed with politics, that bond broke bit by bit until it was completely severed by his death. “Well that sucks because I don’t want to see you. Go away now” Fundy snaps back, waving him off. Ghostbur catches his harsh tone now and a frown settles on his face, “Fundy please. I want to talk. I want to mend what was broken. You’re my son and-” “And nothing. You should have thought about that before you went and blew up our nation and then got stabbed by grandpa… So goodbye now.” Fundy moves out of the doorway and goes to close the door. When he moved out of the doorway though, he accidentally gives Ghostbur a direct line of sight of you peeking around the corner. He lets out a gasp and points, “Fundy who’s that.” Fundy looks over his shoulder and pales a little but because oh fuck. This is the last thing he wanted to happen. He clears his throat and looks back to the ghost of his father. “That’s Y/N… My kid” “I have a grandchild?” “No you don’t because you are no father of mine. Now if you’ll excuse me” and before Ghostbur can respond, Fundy has slammed the door closed. You’re a little worried as to what he’s going to say to you so you speak first after you walk all the way in, “I’m sorry” you whisper. “No, no, no baby. It’s okay. It’s not your fault. Don’t worry about it.” The rest of the day, Fundy is a little off. He tries to act normal but you can tell something is off. You don’t call him out on it though, you just let him do him. 

But yeah. Fundy does everything in his power to keep you away from Ghostbur. He does not care a single bit if Ghostbur isn’t Wilbur, they were both still his father that practically abandoned him and so therefore he will not be around his child. His child will only be surrounded by those who love them unconditionally and will always love them. If you and him are out and public and Ghostbur appears, Fundy will take you back home. He doesn’t care if what he is doing is super important, he will leave and take you home. He also will not let Ghostbur in his home. Ghostbur does show up occasionally, hoping to catch another glance of you, but Fundy barely opens the door to the point where Ghostbur can hardly see him. Fundy will let Phil, Techno, and Tommy see you occasionally which hurts Ghostbur a lot, but there is nothing he can do about it. Fundy does not want his ghost father to be anywhere near his child. 

But Fundy would be an amazing father. He knows what it’s like to be/feel abandoned by a parent and to feel ignored in a world full of family. So he makes sure you never feel like that. He loves you so much and makes sure you know that. Fundy would do anything for you, give anything for you. He loves you so much. His precious baby child. 

Okay that ending sucked lololol. Again, I’m very sorry that this is the only post tonight. I got a much later start than I planned and it fucked everything. I’ll see you guys with more content tomorrow though (hopefully).

[anarmorofwords]

I kinda wanna write a better version of tlh where Tatiana is still insane but there's no Belial bc that makes zero sense to me

In this version there would be:

Kamanna done correctly with actual genderqueer rep and not toxic relationships

Barbra and Oliver bc fight me she didn't die

Genie and Filomena bc I love them and all the lightwoods are queer

The gracelet doesn't even happen bc I refuse to write that

Grace is pretty much still the same but she breaks off their(hers and james') relationship bc she notices that he loves Cordelia

No bad James. He's not a shitty person to Alastair, and he doesn't treat Cordelia like a sex object

Anna puts a stop to Kellington and Matthew's relationship before it gets serious. She also tries to get him to stop drinking all the time

Alastair apologizes around seeing them again for the first time. The merry thieves are a little reluctant because of some of the things he did but they don't actively try to keep him away from events that they're at

Matthew notices how Alastair looks at Thomas and locks them in the sanctuary with Genie and Cordelia's help

Grace gets badly injured due to a mistake in necromancy and Christopher helps her treat it without letting people know

Lucie meets Jesse, and falls in love ofc, so in order to bring him back successfully she asks Malcolm to train her in using her magic

Matthew opens up to his mom about the incident. She doesn't blame him at all and instead apologizes for often putting her work before him

Matthew finds out about Charles and Alastair because he found Alastairxs break up letter to Charles

Matthew, the mother hen he is, decided to attempt to murder his older brother, only being stopped by James who had been there at the right time

Kamala ends things with Charles and tells Anna that she still loves them and hopes that she will give her another chance

Anna told her that they needed time to think, and that she is worried how Kamala's reputation will be affected if anyone besides their friends and Anna's family finds out

Kamala respects her decision and doesn't contact her until Anna's ready to talk about things

The merry thieves don't ignore Christopher and they actively listen and help him

The merry thieves also aren't terrible to Grace bc they realize she's been isolated alone with Tatiana and 1) she might not understand what's saying/doing is wrong or 2) that sometimes she's trying to push them away so her abilities don't accidentally make them do something

Good tid parents

James and Alastair being respectful to each other despite personal differences

Matthew, Alastair, Kamala, Christopher, and Grace being besties, or as I call them, the neglected squad

No fetishizing mlm/wlw

Domestic cuddles and taking care of the other one when they're sick

Jesse/Lucie/Matthew pairing bc I love them and I refuse to pick between lucie/matthew and lucie/jesse

Christopher teaching Grace the elements(at the time) on the periodic table

Tatiana dies at the end yay

It's very unpolished and I'm open to b hearing any feedback and/or suggestions that anyone may have

The idea came to me and I decided it would be best if I told someone before I forgot

hi, I'm sorry it took so long,but I wanted to properly answer this and I keep having either internet connection issues or little time

DON'T BE SHY, WRITE THIS 👀

In all seriousness tho... THIS IS ABSOLUTE PERFECTION?!? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START I AM UTTERLY IN LOVE WITH THIS IDEA, I NEED IT

Look, I've been on the verge of rewriting ChoI, and I keep saying I want someone to write a TLH that will live up to its potential, but I've never actually came up with a proper idea for it, and you?!! YOUR BRAIN DARLING THIS IS GENIUS

ok hold up I'll just react to each and every single one so

yes please?!? I mean it started off so sweet in EEV?! Also actually genderqueer Anna and not dancing around the subject like CC is doing now?! That's what they deserve, and that's what we all deserve too

yesss please. also just,,,, Barbara, the feminine, not-wanting-to-fight-which-doesnt-make-her-less-badass queen that she is, getting the page space and appreciation she deserves

that's actually brilliant?!? it would be so great, just imagine the new girl arrives for her travel year and Genie is completely awestruck. I'm so invested in Joshwood it's difficult to imagine not having them, but this is actually the only valid alternative?!

ok that's fine. I think it could still happen and be done well, but tbh for now... the gracelet doesn't seem to have done anything relevant to the plot itself? I mean yeah it messed up James's life and Jordelia, but what did it give Belial? Tatiana? nothing. It makes no sense atm.

could be! maybe she's still encouraged by Tatiana to befriend/seduce him, but without the gracelet it doesn't work out? or maybe James somehow manages to realize that she's in danger and he actually like,,,, kidnaps her? idk idk

yes. YES. just,,,,z James is a sweet compassionate literature nerd who accidentally makes a good leader and he actually cares about people, and not just judges them from his high horse; he does still have hero syndrome, but he's kind and respectful and overall a good character

ANNA INTERVENES ABOUT KELLINGTON PLZ. PEOPLE ACTUALLY NOTICE MATTHEW'S STRUGGLES. JAMES DOES, TOO, BECAUSE THERE'S NO GRACELET.

ok yes, so what about: basically TMT don't harass Alastair and accept his apology, and realize they were also being stupid and mean at times at the Academy (especially Math). Matthew doesn't want to accept Alastair's apology, because of The Sin, but his behaviour alerts the rest of TMT and they inquire what's wrong and he tells them about the sin and that's how he later tells his parents (because his friends encourage him) and as you say, she just hugs him and reassures him it's not his fault; so after that Matthew slowly begins to heal and accepts it wasn't Alastair's fault, and also since they've kind of adopted/started including Alastair in things, he can't help but notice he's actually changed and he even starts to grow fond of him

then like you said, Matthew notices Thomas likes Alastair PLEASE HE SO WOULD. I'm not sure about the Sanctuary, if it actually happens (I'll get to why later on), but him and Lucie get really invested in the matchmaking schemes, they include Genie/Kamala because these two are friends with Alastair (both? Or at this point only Kamala?) but they also share some Moments during their scheming/talking about love 👀 (yes I'm a Fairdale shipper, I think it's time to expose myself lol)

Which leads me to (sorry I'm going off order rn) YES YES YES LUCIE AND MATH PLEASE. A FELLOW SHIPPER, HELLO, NICE TO MEET YOU. But since we're actually fixing him then we can give Jesse a personality and I'm totally down for poly Math/Lucie/Jesse

Lucie seeking Malcolm's help in secret, morally gray heroine style?!? no, it's probably not legal. but also has there ever been a Shadowhunter like her? If the Law doesn't expect such situations, it can't really forbid them...

Plz Matthew ready to strangle the carrot when he learns about their relationship, YES. sure, maybe he's still not the biggest fan of Alastair, but he's seen how much the boy's been through and starts to develop an attachment to him, and besides, NO ONE DESERVES TO BE GROOMED AND TREATED LIKE THAT. He's SO MAD at Charles, and he confronts him about it - remembering Kellington as he does, and it makes him sick to think his brother would do the same thing to someone. Maybe he gets very emotional over this and later finally tells his friends about Kellington? Maybe they didn't know before, only Anna did? So when they all realize what was happening then they comfort him etc? Or maybe it's just Alastair that learns now, and the others knew before, and they share a bonding moment over that?

Injured Grace seeking Kit's help is a genius idea I didn't know I needed

Kamanna giving each other time and space and deciding they need to question their relationship and figure out if it actually makes sense would be great. Anna realising she's very privileged and Kamala doesn't have those same opportunities, and also in general realising coming out should never be pressured or forced. Just,,,, Anna being self-aware and respectful towards Kamala. Well-written Anna. Plz. Also Kamanna is actually developed and not just "in love" because,,,,, they're attracted to each other? Maybe even remaining friends while Anna makes up their mind?

yeah just TMT being more compassionate and less judgy because they're not written by Judith so her bias isn't projected onto them

It's not a want, it's a need. They adopt Alastair and Grace eventually. Like, maybe not literally - although, Grace? - but you know what I mean.

I think they all should just have various friendship dynamics and switch between them, because people need more than one friend group

no fetishizing, no watching your brother make out with his lover, yessss

yes domestic cuddles, affection, taking care of wounds, all those things. plz.

Gracetopher bonding over science yes

obviously. or maybe she's imprisoned?!

ok, now for some more notes/my ideas etc., if you don't mind:

I actually think Belial could still be featured? After all, I don't think Tatiana could do much on her own, and since she seeks help from demons, it makes sense to include a Greater Demon as well. But Belial would have to be a stronger villain, written better; I'll think more about this

if that was the case, the serial killer plot could still happen, but be done better. and it would allow for a scenario I talked about with @littlx-songbxrd to happen, where it's Alastair who's falsely accused of murder. It creates a great opportunity to explore some things, because we know Alastair is much more likely to be seriously suspected, considering all the prejudices and bad rep his family has and all that

...what do you say to well-written Jordelia? 👀 Cordelia hasn't been obsessively in love with James since childhood, she only had a crush then. And now that they meet again, she's fond of him but not in love, not straight away. They're both grown up, and different people, but as they spend more and more time together, they fall in love. What if Cordelia gets to flirt with some other boys first? What then. What if she ends up choosing James, instead of going for the only boy she's ever had feelings for and idealized since childhood. What if we even make it friends-to-lovers and have James be a little jealous at some point?! but not in a possessive awful way, just "oh damn oh no"

Now I won't know peace until this exists BUT THANK YOU

[evakuality]

Mia, episode eight

1.  I know I’m just a grumpy oldish person and all, but ugh.  This whole ‘walking into school and holding hands while everyone gapes as if it’s amazing’ thing seems so stupid.  I work in a school, and maybe it’s different in Germany but this sort of thing just doesn’t seem to happen.  People just turn up together and it’s part of life (and also they break up again in 5 minutes so Plus, I’m annoyed that I was right and that Kiki seems to be 100% entirely okay with Mia and Alex now.  Her entire story appeared to be that she felt like she wasn’t good enough for Alex and so the whole eating/exercise thing was tied into that.  But now a) she’s totally ok with this whole Mia and Alex thing and b) getting together with Carlos has fixed all of her issues? I’m not sure I like the message we’re getting here.

2.  Oh, skateboarding and Alex of course gets all hyper aggressive.  I mean, obviously this is from the og and so a lot of the fault lies there.  But honestly I cannot stand these types of guys who think they need to act like this.  I don’t get why he can’t just say ‘he’s bad in this way...’ rather than totally blowing up at Mia and effectively accusing her of being an asshole by association (I mean, after last episode I think she is kind of an asshole - but that’s by association with Alex not this Bjorn guy).  William blaming Noora for all the problems in Skam was an issue and it’s not better here.  What’s the reason for attacking the guy with the board?  We have no idea and he seems super unreasonable.  I know that’s the point, but it’s not a good plot line and I don’t see why we had to keep all the really shitty stuff from the og.  And tbh, while I usually like Alex’s acting, here I don’t find him convincing at all.  He actually doesn’t look worked up enough yo go after the guy, and afterwards there’s nothing, no hint that he might feel like he went too far.

3.  I do like this opening on the next clip with Mia clearly stewing in the things she saw and conflicted about it all.  It’s these little quiet moments that really make for a good interaction with our characters imo, and I’m always a little sad that we get so few of them with Mia.  It was one of the things that I found best with Hanna, Matteo and Amira - these moments sitting with them in quiet and solitude where you get to see them unguarded.  It almost feels unnecessary to have this little chat with Linn and Hans’s guy because we clearly see what’s going on with Mia even without the dialogue.

4.  Interesting.  The last thing we’re asked in the previous clip is ‘what about this guy now’ but here we are and Mia is only concerned with Alex?  I genuinely don’t care about him (partly because ugh this character is not one I like anyway and so I have very little sympathy for him when he harms someone else), and I would actually like to know how the guy he hit is.  Now, again, I know this is coming through from the og and I know Bjorn is therefore really shitty but at this point the characters don’t know that and so I’d expect to see a little more interest and concern for him.  I’m sure that on the day, this was probably very poignant for viewers.  It’s Valentine’s day after all.  But the lack of any resolution of Alex being violent means I don’t actually care here.  Mia would be better off without an asshole. violent boyfriend, and as shitty as it would be to be alone like this on Valentine’s, she’d still be better off.  Plus, she could easily go hang with her friends.  Speaking of which, this thing with Jonas and Hanna is weird.  As if he has any claim on her now that they broke up?????  I’m starting to revise my opinion of them getting back together - this isn’t healthy behaviour from him at all and I don’t like what he’s doing here.  

5.  Interesting choice to have Bjorn telling Mia about Alex’s sister (I only watched the og once but from memory it wasn’t his counterpart who told Noora?  I think?), but this ‘Alex has told you something different - that figures’ is such a weird take.  Because yeah we KNOW Alex has been keeping stuff from Mia.  We saw that last episode and we were made very aware of it in the ‘spin the bottle’ scene among others, so making this like a big reveal and making it as if Bjorn is being a manipulative dick here is odd.  Like, it’s the truth?  Alex has been keeping stuff from Mia.  This show has spent a lot of time trying to make some moments real ‘gotchas’ for Mia, when actually they’re just genuinely telling us the truth about the character.  Alex does have this side, he always had it and he hasn’t really changed at all.  

6.  The use of this really annoying buzzing, whining noise is good though.  It works really well to put us in a space where Mia is out of sorts and finding it all overwhelming.  Alongside the brightness of the light, we do get a sense of dissociation, and the harsh glare of the light even after the moment is over really shines on how harsh this news is for her.  For most of the last 2 episodes we’ve seen Mia is softer, muted lighting so this is new and different and it really does play up the change that’s happening here.  ‘I got to know a different Alex’ - yeah, except she didn’t really.  Or we never got to ‘meet’ him alongside her.  It was told in montage and it wasn’t enough for me.  And the bits we did see of him being vulnerable also came with clearly hidden parts, and so this idea that she knows ‘the real Alex’ falls flat because (like I said a thousand times last episode) pacing was so off and things happened so fast that I don’t believe any of it.  Because we never really got to see anything very ‘real’ from him.  

7.  I’m also not sure why she’s believing this guy that her boyfriend clearly told her is an asshole.  Okay so Alex isn’t very available rn, but there are surely other people she could talk to.  Even if he hasn’t been the greatest, Sam for example is at least someone she knows.  This Bjorn guy is a dick, but unlike in the og when Noora went to William’s place and sort of fell into the issue, here Mia has chosen to go see him.  She’s deliberately put herself in his way.  And also, she’s literally being told that Alex kept stuff from her and held stuff back to manipulate her.  Why on earth does she just take this guy’s stuff at face value?  I know it’s supposed to be a whole ‘woah - falling for the thing he’s warning her of while he warns her’ moment for the audience, but it doesn’t work for me.  This guy isn’t charming or believable enough for her to not even consider going deeper into this.  But it’s an interesting call back to Mia’s phone call with her parents and how rigid they were, so you can sort of see why this part resonates for her.  Even so, dismissing Alex’s attempt to see her because of this is a choice.  Make it make sense!  It made very little sense with Noora and even less with Mia.

8.  One thing I really dislike about this Niko/Bjorn character is how cartoonishly evil they are.  Where’s the motivation for this guy to say all this to Mia?  He saw her exactly twice, barely knows how she’s related to Alex, and yet he decides when she comes to visit him that he should manipulate her?  The biggest flaw in the William/Alex story imo is the way they can only make him seem ‘good’ in comparison to a literal villain who has no depth.  Or I mean I guess we have 2 episodes to give this guy more depth but somehow I doubt it’s going to happen.  Everyone I’ve read talking about this has said this guy is worse than Niko, so I expect him to remain this weird cartoon with no reasonable motivation for any of this.

[6ad6ro]

there's a lot of posts about piracy going around rn. so here's mine:

anti-piracy arguments are almost always classist. you shouldn't need to be rich to be happy. we were all born into capitalism. it's not voluntary. many of us don't have parents or other support networks keeping us afloat. poor people still deserve to have nice things. i could care less about keeping a system running smoothly that keeps most people poor and only few people rich.

if you work a shitty, low-paying job, then a simple monthly streaming service fee is YES actually too much to ask. no i don't care if your fav big company loses "potential" money from people who couldn't afford to buy them to begin with.

if there wasn't such a thing as "poverty"? if people could generally AFFORD to go out and easily get the things they want and need? obviously piracy wouldn’t be much of an issue at all. it's always frustrating to hear anti-piracy arguments from people who ignore how CRAZY expensive cost of living has become. again, usually the biggest anti-piracy peeps are either naive rich kids (who have things paid for), rich ppl who STAY rich by keeping things broken like they are, and the poor people they’ve brainwashed into being submissive hosts to their parasitic behavior.

in a world like this, where people are overworked and tired? with very few tangible goals available in their future? people NEED entertainment to stay sane. it's literally a mental health issue. yes, in a way, you NEED that funny show to inspire yourself to keep going. that game you can't afford otherwise? will help you relax after a hard day. don't let some disney mouthpiece tell you shouldn't download lion king if it'd help calm you down, especially when the people running that company could probably afford to have a private zoo in their backyard.

there's ALSO the big issue of control. as companies move further and further into streaming and cloud technologies? ownership has become a huge issue. greedy companies are finding more and more ways to nickel and dime people over long periods of time rather than get a one-time fee. it makes them more money, they don't have to actually GIVE customers anything (copies of data are free to them). and customers are left with nothing to show for it after-the-fact. this means that even though entertainment is being produced way more than the past? i’d argue people have LESS access to the entertainment they want for how much they’re paying. because it’s all temporary.

drm and limited use is becoming a norm. meaning? it's harder and harder for people to "own" their favorite things even if they COULD afford it. your favorite movie might simply cease to exist in 20 years. your favorite game might become nothing but a fragmented memory.

"piracy" solves this. backups. ownership. it takes control away from companies who abused that power. and puts it back in your hands. when nintendo stopped making their back catalogue available? and went around shutting down all the emulation sites? i was thankfully in the clear. because i download and archived many of my favorite things. in many cases i own cartridges of my favorite games already? but those can break, or in my case, get caught in a flood. but due to piracy, i can still play "mario 64" to pull myself away from suicidal thoughts. and i'm not limited by nintendo randomly deciding to remove it from the switch store and take the cartridges off of store shelves? in order to drive up their yearly profit via copycatting the methods used for the "disney vault" scam (look it up).

i am someone who tends to enjoy things from other countries. but it can be INCREDIBLY restrictive to try to go through "official" channels attempting to pay for them. if i want that old, relatively unpopular 80s japanese prog rock album? i'm just stuck. i HAVE to hope someone is sharing it online. but this often applies to new things as well. "licensing" is generally INCREDIBLY stupid, especially when it comes to other regions. do you REALLY want simple licensing issues to stand between you and your potential new favorite anime? and in many cases, the distributors just don't care enough to make the thing available globally. and no, i don't think this should mean we all just "miss out".

one of the biggest issues we are experiencing online at the moment? is one of censorship. governmental censorship, religious censorship, and maybe worst of all? corporate censorship. i'm not talking about "bring back racist imagery" etc (but that DOES play a part). i'm more talking... rewriting history. edits. removal. for example, it shouldn't be left to some corporation to decide whether or not a sex scene in a movie is deemed "too racy" for today's audience. if somebody creates an amazing album, but then commits some awful unrelated act later, that shouldn't mean that album should be made unavailable. in many cases, old media can even TEACH us what NOT to do. we gain nothing by erasing history. and corporations are never doing it to be moral. they're only following required guidelines in order to maximize profit. “fake showings of morality” to keep up appearances and keep all potential buyers buying. piracy can give you the OPTION of access to unedited works, or things that have been removed from circulation.

piracy can negate corporate control and artificial-scarcity. create opportunities for absorbing other culture's art without having to deal with availability issues in your country. it circumvents corporate and governmental censorship. and helps you archive the art that makes your life worth living.

finally... the "but it's stealing and stealing is wrong" argument is invalidated by the fact that, by ANY moral compass? these companies are STEALING from US. constantly. by a LOT. look at the way any big company is run. the way it leeches off of it's customer base. the offshore tax havens... does THAT seem okay to YOU?! if someone went around stealing all the food and locking it up, would you REALLY consider "breaking in" to get some so that u didn't starve as "stealing"? don't pretend that you don't NEED escapism and entertainment to get by. you know that you do.

the only people that piracy COULD hurt? is small, independent artists. who, if you actually listen to them, would rather you send them money directly? or buy merch. etc. because companies usually take SUCH an awful cut that it’s better to find alternate ways of supporting them. if you use reasonable context with what you decide to download and share? it’s fine! like i might buy a depeche mode vinyl or two? or a shirt. or go to a concert. but i’ll pirate that $1000 rare box set. because i just can’t AFFORD that kind of excess. and my income doesn’t dictate how big of a fan i am of their music. as long as you chip in when you can to your favorite creators? it’s actually fine. if i didn’t pirate, i wouldn’t be into 95% of the artists i’m currently into. i’ve spent so much on media that it’s almost embarrassing... my argument might not be entirely black and white? but i can safely say that piracy’s positives GREATLY outweigh it’s negatives. most research done has shown time and time again that it doesn’t really hurt creators. if anything, it’s the way greedy companies REACT to the idea of file sharing that hurts those creators. it really is an argument of big corporations trying to make sure they keep ALL the money. and it has almost nothing to do with art or artist’s rights. so please keep sharing everything. download away. for the sake of your own sanity, and generations down the line. because corporations don’t care about you. they don’t care about artists. and they don’t care about maintaining easy access to the art. they just want money, regardless of the cost to everyone else’s happiness. and if you can afford to PAY for it regularly? you should consider yourself very lucky. so maybe stop shitting all over poor people who unfairly have less access to what you already have. everybody deserves to be happy.

[plentyofgay]

I need you to tell your parents that we are literally just friends. That that’s all we will ever be. That we had a “talk” and that I’m not physically attracted to you. You’re not my type and that you’re too young for me. That I consider you one of my haunt babies. But that we have a brother like relationship.

But know that I don’t feel like that. You know how I feel. It isn’t gonna change. And it isn’t going anywhere. I can compartmentalism it and have it not be an issue. NOT IN A BAD OR TOXIC WAY. I can have it ready if you decide one day that you’re ready.

Or we can just be best friends. Hopefully best friends that cuddle and still hang out and hug. Cause I love you. Wether it be platonic or romantic.

If you and Kai date. Which I’m worried that you will. And worried that they are going to hurt you. I will be here. I’m always gonna be here. You’re always gonna have a cord of energy attached to you from me and vice versa.

I know your here to show me love that I haven’t received. Whether or not you’re the only one that’s suppose to show me that or not I don’t not know yet. That’s the journey we are currently on.

You’ve never had someone care for you like I do? Have you? Is that the same reason that I’m in your life.

The painting that I made reins true. I’ll find you again wherever we end up next. That resonates with me.

Yes I’m gonna back off with the lovey dovey stuff. The whole reason I think I’ve been doing it is cause I want you to do it back to me. Step out ya comfort zone. I think I like to challenge you.

Don’t be worried that I’m obsessed with you. I just love you. There’s not an obsession. If I was obsessed I would have done some stupid shit. I would have made you think I’m a perfect person and manipulated you. Granted. I don’t genuinely know how I would do that. I’m just being authentic and fully me with you.

I’m attached I believe because you’ve shown me what no one else has. Actual love, kindness, understanding, stability, a genuine connection, you’re supportive. Hell you may not tell me I’m cute and sexy and all the things I wish you would. That’s why I ask you a lot.

I don’t want you to get hurt again. Cause I know you’ve been hurt really badly in the past. I don’t want that for you. I’m so worried that someone is gonna sweep you up. You’re gonna fall for them, they are gonna tell you that you’re not allowed to talk to me or you have to block me, and then boom you’re just gone. I’ve done that with so many people. I always give and give and give. I never get anything back.

But. With you. I’ve gotten stuff back. The energy and effort I’ve put into you I’ve received back and then some.

When you told me earlier that we needed to talk. My brain automatically thought. This is it. He’s gone. This is what you’ve been afraid of. This is your biggest fear. Him showing you something youve never had before. And poof he’s gone like that. But you’re not. You’re still here. You still love me. You still care. Granted we both want what we can’t have. But that’s okay. That’s something we work thru. Nothing is easy. Especially this.

You’re telling me this cause you don’t want me to get hurt. Cause you’re afraid you’re gonna hurt me and I’m gonna get mad and never speak to you again?

That ain’t gonna happen. Ever. Never ever. “I’ll find you again wherever we end up next.” Hold on to that phrase remember it. Cause it’s true. I’m always gonna find you. You’re always gonna be a part of my life. I guess I’ve been waiting for you. That’s that. We may be soul mates we may not be. I have nooooo idea. We are something tho. That I can promise. Shit if I died today. We’d find each other again. I’d always be with you. Honestly I could die happy at this point. I think you’ve shown me genuine kindness and love. You’ve shown me something new.

I’m still gonna buy you shit that you don’t need or want. Just cause I do that for everyone. I literally bought a bunch of worms just cause Emily wanted a worm curtain.

Hell we may move on from each other. That may very well happen. I’m not cutting myself off for you. If someone that I think is cute and that I think they like me too then imma prolly try it. Is that okay? Is that gonna hurt you??? I haven’t really found anyone like that yet. Just you so far. But I’m not gonna limit myself.

I will say tho. That if you say. Yes I wanna try to be boyfriends. It’s not gonna be an immediate yes. You still gotta take me on some dates and we still gonna have to like work on some stuff. Just like anyone would. For right now we are just what we are. I don’t wanna call it just “friends”. Cause I don’t wanna label it that. But I don’t think we are quite romantically talking either. We are just doing what we wanna do. When it’s time to not. Well know.

Also. You’re not even 20 yet. You’ve still got shit to do. I’m 24 I’ve still got shit to do. I’m not ready for a long term relationship anyways. It just wouldn’t work right now. I wasn’t even looking for someone to date. Then you rolled around and I was like. Well shit. I just wanted to have sex with you at first. But then ya worked some kind of avery magic and we are where we are now.

So yes. Date Kai if that’s what you figure you want. I don’t think you really need to tho. I don’t think you need to date anyone at the current moment. I think you need to work on other stuff. Just keep like talking to whoever and having fun. But be honest about it. Don’t hide anything.

Just still love me and hang out with me. That’s all I want and need. Even tho sometimes I long for more. But ultimately that’s all is needed. I know I have some work I need to do on me even before I’d be ready to be your boyfriend or anyone ones.

So. Just keep coming over. Maybe we’ll have some sex, maybe we’ll make out. Maybe I can teach you some stuff. Help you discover new things. But we will still hang out. Cause I love you.

I’m not gonna be missing out on anyone or wasting my time if I wait for you. People do not get romantically interested in me. Trust me. So I’m not wasting my time. You’re not wasting my time. If someone comes along and I fall in love with them. You’ll be there first to know. But rn you’ve got me. Soooooo. Imma just be patient. Until you tell me that I shouldn’t. When you tell me there is no chance in hell that we will date that’s when I’ll start getting over you. Till then imma just be patient.

Typing these out make me less anxious. Granted I’ve HAVENT gotten out of my bed since yesterday. Cause I still don’t know what’s going on. I still don’t know whether to let you go or to keep you close. I’m just confused and sad. I haven’t cried again yet. I haven’t self harmed. I haven’t even really felt like it tbh. I haven’t really felt like much actually. I think I’m still processing yesterday. It was really back and forth.

So what are we now? If we keep hanging out is Kai gonna stop talking to you?? I’m really worried about that. That’s not fair to you. And if you do date Kai. I’m not gonna be mad. I’m gonna be very very worried. I don’t believe your ready for a relationship and I think it would end not so well. BUT that just what I think. And I’m still kinda worried about Kai. I’ve just had a weird feeling and I still do. That’s just me being honest and open.

I think I’m okay with just hanging out and not being lovey dovey for now. I’ll do my best to not be lovey divert. If I do just tell me.

[shitsngiggles666]

I am not one to use social media, but this whole sh*t show is something I will not take sitting down. I’ve seen some messed up things on the internet, but the cyberbullying by the “Camily” is really disturbing me. Before I get to my criticisms and thoughts, I will briefly address Luke Deacon. The allegations against him are not without evidence, namely from a public social media account. One of these allegations is very serious, and can be considered “revenge p*rn which can actually lead to charges in the UK. I’m not sure if it’s the same in the UK, but in my country Luke can be legally labeled as a sex offender if convicted! This is all I know of the situation but since many of Luke’s fans are underage girls who are also fans of Queen and the Bohemian Rhapsody movie I don’t feel this issue can be totally ignored. I consider Luke “innocent until proven guilty”, as I am an inhabitant of Freedom Land. The first issue I will address is both of Cam’s parents, as I want to discuss them before the “Camily” as they’re not directly involved with the cyber bullying, at least to my knowledge. I admit that I have never met John or Veronica Deacon. I have no knowledge of the intimate details of their family life, and their parenting skills. I do have a fair amount of knowledge of John‘s time with Queen as he is my favorite surviving member of Queen. I find researching his life and trying to understand someone who seems an overlooked and complex figure in music. Yes, John is Cam’s father and to me he’s an interest, a subject I enjoy learning and trying to understand him like I do with other things I’m interested in. Meanwhile, to Cameron he is “dad”. I understand that it must be hard seeing people on the internet either make untrue statements or discuss aspects of one’s father that isn’t flattering. I get it, But Leopard (my nickname for the victim) made it clear when replying to asks that she doesn’t know things and addressed when discussions involved speculation or rumors. She also made it very clear that she didn’t like discussing John’s competence as a father and his children. These subjects made her uncomfortable but she still addressed them in a respectful way. John Deacon was a part of one of the biggest bands in the world. People are going to discuss him. Leopard didn’t do anything wrong. She admitted that John Deacon had flaws but was still sure to admit that she doesn’t know the whole story. I think her attitude is reasonable. I saw the stream the night Cam’s parents came on stream. At first I saw it quite humorous with a boomer bumbling in, ignoring his surroundings. He almost seemed senile. But as the stream went on things got uncomfortable and my attitude changed. Cam’s parents were doing the right thing as loving parents. They came over because Cam has a history of not managing his diabetes properly. His father (his mother explained) was becoming worried about his son’s glucose levels and tried to contact him. When he wouldn’t pick up his phone his father became worried and the two went over. Cameron was peeved and rude to them. I don’t think John cared about if people on the internet saw him. He was too focused on making sure his son wasn’t in danger and that his phone was charged. He only left when he knew his son’s levels weren’t too low and his phone was charging. He even mentioned off screen that he brought some treats (I have no idea what he said, and if it was a favorite sweet or what) from the store. I’m just making an observation of a stranger peeking in, but I think it’s clear John adores his son. Maybe the scant bit of interaction I observed of John Deacon as a person (instead of Queen’s bassist) was of a devoted father who was telling his adult son “I love you, I want you to be happy and I will be devastated if anything happened to you” without saying it verbally. People have different ways of showing their love. I know (per interviews with John) he experienced loss at a very young age when his father passed away. I don’t know John’s personal thoughts and relationship with Freddie Mercury and how his death affected him personally, but watching someone’s health decline due to AIDS is probably an upsetting and unforgettable experience. I bring these two examples up because this to me suggests Cam’s dad knows first hand how delicate and precious life is, wisdom that Cam seems blissfully unaware of due to his disregard of his parents’ anxiety. Cam obviously knows his father better than I can ever, but sometimes it’s good to have a different perspective. On to Mama Deacon. Yes, she was shouting at her adult son while he was live on stream. Like Cam’s father, she was completely in the right. When she said they were making sure Cam “wasn’t dead” and that Cam’s life was at stake, she was not being overly dramatic. If a diabetic’s blood sugar is too low their body can actually go into shock and than into a coma. If one doesn’t manage their diabetes this can happen and it can kill you. Diabetes is a life threatening condition. I’m not a diabetic, and I’m sure it sucks and isn’t easy to manage. Cameron is an adult at 27. His parents will not always be around to help him. If he wants to live by himself his priority should be learning to manage his diabetes without his parents’ help. His life literally depends on it. His glucose levels is far more important than his streaming career. Until he proves he can consistently manage himself to them his glucose levels are their business. Additionally, since they pay for his flat it’s technically their’s and thus can come over when ever they want. If anyone was being “inappropriate” it was Cam. His mother carried him for nine months, at age 43. For a woman her age, pregnancy can be risky and very hard on her body. She has cared for her son’s health issues, helped him through school and has loved him unconditionally. She seems to have done everything she can to protect Cam and pushed him to be the best person he can be. And this is only what I’m aware of. At her age, she should only leave her home when completely necessary to protect herself from Covid-19, for she is in the age group most at risk. Her son wouldn’t even leave his chair to greet her. Do you know how my parents would react to me if I acted the way Cam did Sunday? Most people can only dream about the privileges Cam has. Again, I don’t know everything about Cam’s life but what I saw was a mother and father trying to do what is best for their son. If Cam is so concerned about his parents’ privacy, why didn’t he turn off his stream? He could’ve even walked off to talk to his parents rather than continuing to play and yelling at them from his chair? This whole situation can be solved simply by Cam answering his phone, keeping it charged or even walking off camera to talk to his parents rather than barking orders from his screen. As I said earlier, to them their son seems more important to them rather than their privacy. Cam makes such a big deal over their privacy but I think he also has to respect his parents’ feelings and all that they do for him. Part of respecting them should include making a better effort to take care of himself. Five hours without food excepting a bowl of cereal could give me low blood sugar to the point of trembling and not being able to concentrate. Since Cam did just that, maybe his parents’ concern of his blood sugar is not without merit. Cam mentions his mental health issues and depression. One of the ways to help stabilize his mood would be stabilizing his blood sugar. The Camily should consider my words as they criticized Cam’s parents’ behavior. I have addressed the Mama and Papa elephant in the room, I will now focus mainly on Cam’s “Camily”. Due to time restraints, I will address the Camily in a later post. In the mean time, there is a difference between “haters” and critics. A hater says things simply to hurt or insult. A critic disagrees for a reason. If anyone thinks I’m a hater that needs to be “bunny blocked” go right ahead. I don’t care what strangers, many of them children think of me. I think bunnies are cute. Send me bunny emojis if you all think I’m spreading hate. This will only lend more evidence that the Camily is leading an internet harassment campaign. BTW I have been owned by pet rabbits since I was seven. Let me tell you, Mr. Bunny is unhappy to know his good name and image is being used as a symbol to bully. No, I am not jealous of Cam. I am proud of my family and wouldn’t trade them for any other. My dad has a profession I consider noble and was the one who raised me. The same goes for my mother. My extended and nuclear family includes firemen, a priest, nurses, teachers, librarians, a researcher studying cancer, a lawyer and engineers. None are famous but I don’t care. They are good people and it doesn’t matter how much the public knows about them or how much they earn. What matters to me is that they work hard and have a strong moral character. If you do wish to harass me, I ask of one thing. Show my post to Cameron Deacon and have him read my post (and any later ones I hope to soon put up) on his Livestream. If Cameron thinks I’m being a bully or am wrong about anything, please have him show this to his parents, the two people who love him more than anyone else does. If they think I’m wrong about anything or am bullying their son, have them PM me so we can discuss. Do not bully anyone who posts or likes this.

[ollifree]

1. What are things they both find funny?

Pet antics. They share a morbid sense of humor about the plague that anyone else who lived in Vesuvia at the time would find abhorrent. They have different limits on it and know where each other’s is.

2. If they could each describe each other in one sentence, what would it be?

You’re gonna limit Lucio to one sentence? Lucio? He’s gotta talk about how smart Skylar is, how good he looks, his talent in magic, his thoughtfulness. Lucio’s favorite words for Skylar are, in order, “Pretty, precious, perfect.”

I’m taking Skylar’s from a prompt from last year.

“Should I start with his eccentricities or…? He’s loud, brash. More cunning than people give him credit for. He’ll have an absolute meltdown if he can’t get his makeup right and have himself convinced two seconds later he always gets it perfect. He wears white because he’s always covered in dog hair. He makes sure everyone knows what his opinion on something is, and will do everything within his power to fix something he deems wrong.”

3. If they complimented each other, what would they say?

Lucio makes a point of complimenting however Skylar looks, but it’s a rare day Lucio doesn’t praise Skylar’s intellect and dedication to his work.

Skylar’s go-to descriptor for Lucio is “handsome”. His favorite (non-extensive) list of things to compliment Lucio on are: how hard he tries, how brave he is, his confidence, how passionate he is when it comes to the things he cares about.

They each compliment each other’s ass at least ten times per day.

4. What would be their ship name?

Either "grind against your bones until our marrows mix", or "the awful edges where you end and i begin", both of which are lyrics from Ludo's The Horror of Our Love.

5. What activities do they enjoy together?

Favorite activities are lounging on each other, doting on the pets, and people watching. Skylar gets coaxed into doing magic (however mundane) so Lucio can compliment him. In modern verse they binge watch bad reality tv. Lucio will put up with being outside when it snows only because Skylar likes outdoor winter activities and only because Lucio knows he’s gonna get some hardcore snuggle time at the end of it.

6. What is/are their love language(s)?

Lucio’s are gift giving (showing) and words of affirmation (receiving). Skylar’s is quality time. Physical touch is mandatory for both of them.

7. Write a ~300 word love scene for them.

This question is arophobic.

8. What were their first impressions of each other?

I’m always down for some self-fic plugging [link].

Skylar couldn’t have had a better introduction to Lucio: Julian had brought Skylar to Vesuvia for the menagerie, and Skylar and Lucio immediately clicked over their shared love of animals. Lucio truly has a unique personality and Skylar was excited to meet a new kind of person. Add on Julian’s endorsement of the Count and it’s no small wonder Skylar wound up staying in Vesuvia long past when he would have left anywhere else.

9. Have they made each other cry?

Yes. Mostly via mutual vulnerability and happiness. Then the plague happened.

10. Write a ~300 word argument scene for them.

This is a direct call out for me not writing my fic yet.

11. What causes them to fight?

Lucio’s Lucio-isms getting out of hand, or Salsa destroying something of Lucio’s. He can’t get mad at his fur babies so Skylar gets to take the brunt of it. Their biggest arguments happened over the coliseum and how to deal with the outbreak of the plague.

12. Do they have differing political opinions?

Before Lucio’s death Skylar didn’t invest himself enough in Vesuvian politics to give a concrete answer in that area. Insofar as Lucio’s views of being in a position of power? Yes they absolutely have different opinions.

13. Name something they would never do for the other person.

I was originally going to say “nothing”, then I remembered Lucio has one. So Skylar’s currently sitting at a “nothing” with an asterisk of “unless I remember something”.

Lucio’s is being around Skylar when Skylar’s sick. Lucio has a phobia of catching whatever’s going around after the plague and has to nope out of situations where he’s around illness. That being said he is hyper aware of Skylar’s health, as after leaving Vesuvia Skylar becomes more prone to colds and flues.

14. What would be a dealbreaker?

Skylar's dealbreaker almost happened, which is someone's wants getting in the way of / actively opposing another's needs. Lucio's would be unfaithfulness.

15. What are traits they dislike in one another?

Nothing they outright dislike, but they do recognize the faults the other perceives in themselves and help them improve in that regard. For Skylar it’s his non-confrontational nature getting his needs and wants ignored. For Lucio it’s empathizing with others and taking responsibility for, and dealing with, the consequences of his actions.

16. If they broke up, what would be their opinions of each other?

How dare you.

17. What senses (sights, smells, feelings, etc). remind them of each other?

Never in anyone’s life would Lucio have expected to get an attachment to the smell of books yet here he is. The same goes for hot chocolate. Skylar walks into the makeup department and it’s just like walking past Lucio’s collection.

18. What would be their love motto?

19. If they could each write a single line in their marriage vows, what would they be?

This isn’t in the marriage vows because they have the awareness to go “if we say half the things we feel in front of anybody, concerns we are not equipped to address in an acceptable way will be raised.” After the ceremony, when they’re on their own, this exchange happens:

Lucio: “Love me. Until we’ve been dead so long our bones are dust.” Skylar: “Not good enough. It’ll have to be until the world is ash.”

20. What is a promise they have made to each other?

Similar ones to what’s above. Trauma-induced codependency reinforced by magic ritual body trading meta sure is something.

21. How have they changed each other for the better/for the worse?

For the better: by helping one another with the issues listed in question fifteen. For the worse: they gain a lot of codependence for stated meta reasons, along with a very deep-seated fear of losing each other again.

In the end they do leave Vesuvia. Ultimately they are going the route of “this is a very important lesson we’ve learned about responsibility and the consequences of our actions. Now let’s get the fuck out of the city we’re responsible for and one of us nearly ruined with his actions.” They acknowledge the hypocrisy of this, and while in the end they’re better off outside Vesuvia it is there.

22. If their lives were what was originally intended at birth, would they have still fallen in love?

Because I’m a sucker for them the answer’s yes. They only hit the love stage to begin with because Lucio was able to put the work into unlearning and breaking the cycle of the worst parts of his tribe’s culture. I will say though that Lucio staying with the tribe would make it vastly more difficult for them to meet. Skylar still does his traveling, as his parents didn’t have any major expectations beyond “well-functioning adult” when raising him, but considering how infamous the warring tribes of the south are I don’t see travel into the steppes being easy or recommended.

23. Write a ~300 scene between them with no dialogue, only body language.

I honestly may come back to these but 300 words is a lot for my amount of spoons rn.

24. What is something they have each had to forgive the other for?

“Skylar has never done anything wrong in his life.” - Lucio Arcanagame

Salsa’s definitely destroyed a few things Lucio’s particular towards, and as it’s impossible for Lucio to be mad at any of his fur babies Skylar gets the brunt of it.

Along with Lucio getting snippy with him for Salsa mauling his good shirts, Skylar’s had to forgive Lucio for a lot. Mostly it’s Lucio-isms that make things get blown out of proportion. Then there’s the Coliseum. And Lucio’s deals. And the plague.

25. What moves do they know work on the other?

“Want to have sex?” / “Yes.”

If all else fails, Lucio knows he can get Skylar out of a book and back to real life by smoochin’ behind Skylar’s ears.

26. What are their favorite parts about physical affection/sex?

Sex is a cathartic extension of their shared love language, physical affection. The orgasms are an added bonus.

27. Do they have any kinks/fetishes that they share?

All of them. Like I say it as a joke but it’s just easier writing-wise to have them on the same level. Realistically it’s like 80-90%. Both of them want to please their partner and have a good time doing so. Their communication on that front is solid.

28. Write a ~300 fantasy one of them has about the other.

This question is acephobic.

29. What are each of their signature foreplay moves?

“Want to have sex?” / “Yes.”

30. Write a short exchange of dirty talk between them.

What up I’m Olli I’m almost 27 and I still haven’t learned how to write porn.

Lucio:

“Does puppy want me to fill him up?” “So precious…” “Look. Look at what I’m doing to you.” “Beg for it.” “Not yet. You piss when I tell you to.” “Do you like the taste of your cum that much?” “Good boy.”

Skylar:

“How you feeling, handsome?” “Are you ready to behave?” “What a mess you are.” “Fuck me so full I can’t move.” “You want to be good, don’t you?” “Master.” “Fuck fuck fuck fuck! Fuck me, fuck me.”

31. What do they love to do after sex?

Shared baths.

32. Do they enjoy morning or night sex?

Why are we limiting when the sex happens? The time of day doesn’t affect their enjoyment of it. They’re exhibitionists with impunity there is literally no limit on when the sex can happen.

[mr-entj]

We come from really similar backgrounds, immigrant parents, poverty etc. My family environment is beyond dysfunctional. My parent’s had trauma due to their own experiences and have a really unhappy marriage. I recognise how their traumas affect them and do my best to empathise. I regularly had to deal with domestic violence and step in as a child to deal with their problems whether it was money, arguments, translating (I do not begrudge them at all for this last one). (1/5)

It’s lead to bad anxiety, depression and PTSD which I have been seeking treatment for over the last 3 years. Both my mental illness and their continued dependency on me has both severely impacted my grades and ruined many opportunities for me when I have to focus on them rather than myself (I went from a mid-tier M&A internship to being given a part time role opportunity while I continued my degree to a mental breakdown and had to quit and defer my studies). (2/5)

I have done my best to openly communicate this with them ask for them to change/handle a bit more themselves so I can build my future. In Aus its very common to live at home while at uni and it was impossible to move out due to financial constraints, but I’m doing everything I can to remove myself rn, (covid19 isn’t helping). I’m still dealing with my mental health and job hunting at the moment. (3/5)

I’m determined to move onto better things but to do that I can’t be around my family. I did not speak to them during the last semester, I scored 90+ on my subjects despite the difficult circumstances and transition to remote delivery coursework. The fact of the matter is my life is better without them. My question is, do you think I would be an asshole if I cut my family out of my life? feel like an asshole I recognise that they have sacrificed a lot for me as immigrants. (4/5)

I also recognise my mum’s efforts in trying to help me but despite trying she will not change and continues to repeat the same toxic behaviour patterns. It’s also difficult because my cultural identity is big part of who I am, and they’re the link to this. I have a lot of respect for everything you’ve overcome to achieve what you have. I’d really value your opinion on this. Sorry for the long ask, I appreciate the time and effort you take, sending all my love to you and yours xx especially mango

_______________________

We do come from very similar backgrounds, yes. To your question, no, I don’t think you’re an asshole for prioritizing your well-being because your relationship with your parents is clearly taking a huge toll on your health. I also think that cutting your family out of your life is a last resort and there are steps in between you can explore that you may or may not have tried before it even gets to that point. For my situation, I realized two main factors were contributing to my problem:

Culture. I’m Asian, family and especially filial piety are huge in our culture, so abandoning my parents in their time of need or separating from them didn’t seem like an option.

Poor boundaries. Related to the above, I felt obligated to fix my parents’ dysfunctional relationship because I wanted to ‘save’ my mother. I felt responsible for their marriage and somehow assumed the burden of making it work by getting caught in between them. 

If these two factors resonate with your situation, this is what I did to manage mine:

Set and enforce boundaries. This is the biggest game changer. The first step was accepting that I wasn’t responsible for my parents’ marriage. You’re not responsible for your parents’ marriage either. If you need to hear that from someone, then I’m telling you now that their marriage is between them. You’re not a bad child for not wanting to insert yourself in every quarrel two grown ass adults with poor communication need to resolve themselves. Define your personal boundaries, know what you are and aren’t comfortable with, understand the impact those actions have on your well-being, communicate those boundaries to your parents, and enforce them. The more I encouraged my parents to talk it out with each other, the less I found myself needing to be there. They were forced to learn to resolve their issues themselves and/or if they didn’t resolve their issues then at least I wasn’t drained from getting caught in between. The two new options I created for them were: 1) Resolve the issue yourselves or 2) Don’t resolve the issue but don’t involve me. There was no longer an option 3.

Create your peace. You’ve already touched on this in your question but I found that moving out of the family home and moving into my college dorms/apartments did help a lot. If it’s different where you are and leaving isn’t an option, I filled my time with work and school to avoid being home as much as possible. I studied at libraries, parks, or friends’ homes whenever I could to get peace and quiet. I left the house and returned at odd hours to minimize interaction with my family. I filled my free time with things that made me happy whether that was sports, writing, or being with friends. Peace is never something that’s given to you by other people-- it needs to be created. Create your own peace, find your safe spaces, build your circle of friends and family, and get your schooling done so you can move on with your life as quickly as possible.  

Seek therapy. For you and for your parents. For you, engage on-campus groups, psychologists, and counselors if needed. Even if these people can’t solve your problems overnight, and they rarely can, they’re your backup. They’re here to listen intently, give objective feedback, help you understand you’re not alone, and provide suggested solutions you may not have considered. Mental health professionals aren’t wizards who can wave their wands and make problems disappear, but they’re the cavalry, and if your problems are a giant boulder to lift then they’re there to lend a hand. For your parents, I engaged a marriage counselor for my parents. They needed an objective third party who had the formal training and “authority” to give relationship advice because as their child I realized I would never be seen as an equal. If therapy isn’t an option, find allies in your family like trusted aunts, uncles, and elders who can be that objective third party.

[princess-of-the-corner]

Feel free to ignore, but what do you think would change if Adrien was a girl with optional boy Marinette? (Trans or cis, your preference)

Let's make them both trans just for fun! I'll use the typical gender swap names of Marin and Adrienne. (Also, slight warning: I'm half-asleep and also dumb, so I might accidentally use their Canon names/genders. I'm not trying to be an asshole I'm just dumb and tired)

So both transitioned pre-series. However. There's differences on who knows.

Marin: Other than his parents, its mostly old friends like Nino and Kim remember Marin pre-transition. They still sometimes call him "Nette"/"Nettie" as a nickname, but Marin doesn't mind because it doesn't immediately out him. Rose and Juleka also know because Juleka and Marin both got trans vibes off each other and came out to one another. Other than that, most of the class only remembers Marin as a boy and he doesn't feel the need to tell everyone outright. Some people guess because Marin is very LGBT+ involved, so they know he's somewhere in that.

As for Adrienne, she's unfortunately out to everyone because the Agrestes are well known. Adrienne made her modeling debut modeling boys clothes, but after coming out to her parents she was switched to modeling female clothes(because Gabriel might be a fuck but at least he's not a transphobe!). It was kind of a big PR thing when it happened, and she still sometimes gets misgendered in magazines, but that's what the lawyers are for! As I said though, Adrienne doesn't have quite as much privacy on who she can tell because of that. Though the class doesn't immediately know because they weren't paying attention to the Agrestes before meeting Adrienne, they do find out through articles about her now that they're paying attention.

Onto some changes, let's start with Chloé! She still sees Adrienne as her best friend/almost sibling, and is very protective/possessive of her. But it doesn't come across as a romantic crush because Chloé can't use Adrienne as a "let me pretend I'm straight" crush. She will fight anyone who misgenders Adrienne though. The fact that Chloé can be friends with someone as sweet and kind as Adrienne without any 'crush' to explain her interest gets people looking at her in a new light. Like a "huh. Maybe she's not a total bitch?", and everyone decides to subtly work with her/give her a chance to be nicer.

Marin still befriends Alya in Origins but doesn't come out to her immediately. Adrienne also befriends Nino too.

Marin also still develops a crush on Adrienne. While he didn't pay attention to Agreste Family Drama before, he is aware that Adrienne is trans so that's not an issue in his anxieties.

On the flip side: Ladynoir. Or Lordnoire.

Lordbug and Chat Noire are Paris's Heroes. And they're dynamic is pretty much the same, except Chat Noire is less open in her flirting at the beginning.

The reason for that is because she doesn't know if Lordbug will like her if he finds out she's trans, so she doesn't quite get her hopes up until later. Because Chat Noire tells Marin during a "Marichat Moment", so next "Lordnoire" moment, Lordbug drops a "btw I'm trans" into the conversation.

So a lot of the plots don't change. But some of the crush drama does. Let's start:

Nathaniel in Evilustrator: Nath still has a crush on Marin. Chloé doesn't tease the crush as much in this version because she might be a bitch but outing someone like that is a line she doesn't cross. Nathaniel kind of ends up outing himself because Evilustrator takes Marin on the date and everyone connects those dots.

Nino in Animan: Nino still has a crush on Marin but is having more of a LGBT-related debate within himself. He's like "I have a crush on Marin, which should mean I'm not straight because he is a guy. But as he is my first guy crush will he see it as me being not-straight or will he think I'm still straight but not accepting him? And even worse, is that what I'm subconsciously doing???" By the end, DJWifi still happens and Nino can tell Marin "so I'm not straight and I did have a crush on you but also I now have a crush on Alya and we're dating!". The power of being locked in a panther cage.

Théo in Copycat: Because he's straight, Théo's crush is on Chat Noire instead. She rejects him for several reasons, the biggest being that she's in love with Lordbug. Théo ends up as a Copybug instead, jealous that Lordbug has captured the heart of his crush. Lordbug thinks it was because he didn't come to the statue thing, but after he's defeated he apologizes to Chat Noire about how he reacted to her rejection. Lordbug'a just standing there like "wait, if you were upset she rejected you, why'd you turn into fake me???". Chat Noire helps dodge that by pointing out that they're about to detransform.

Kagami: I'm debating on this. Tbh I want to set it up for my usual polyship as endgame, but That's not the debate. The debate is whether Kagami has a crush on Adrienne and the "oh no I'm gay!" Panic, or Kagami gets the crush on Marin first. Either way, she ends up having a friendship with Marin earlier.

Luka: while I could switch the crushes like I did with Kagami, Luka initially interacts with Marin more than Adrienne. Polyship is endgame like usual, but it's lining up as more of a Mariharem. On the other hand, Adrienne might have a closer friendship to Juleka because transgirl solidarity, which would give Adrienne an excuse to be over more and in the process get to known Luka more too.

Now for the real fun plot: Lila.

Because of Lila's manipulative nature, I wouldn't put it past her to pretend to be gay to get the money/power that would come with seducing Adrienne. Especially because while she would pretend to be accepting, she wouldn't see Adrienne as a 'girl'.

However, let's have a twist in the AU and point out that Lila has other options for her 'meal ticket'. After all, everyone in every salt fic has pointed out how Canon!Mari has the same connections that Lila attempts to lie about!

So, Lila decides to try seducing Marin instead. She doesn't know that Marin is trans and that'll be an issue later but for now it's her plan.

Marin still clocks Lila as a liar because while Lila did enough research to avoid telling lies Marin can easily disprove(like the Jagged's cat one), she still did the 'Lordbug's my bff!' Thing. He gives the half-truth to Lila of "Lordbug was upset you would lie about him and is looking for you to tell you to stop".

Volpina happens as in Canon. Except her Illusion at the Eiffel Tower is Marin instead of Adrien. Though the book plot is slightly different. Marin saw Adrienne with the book, Tikki said "we need to get that!", so Marin managed to start a conversation to try and borrow it. Lila stole it because Marin was interested. Marin does manage to get it back and that goes the same.

Lila then disappears for Season 2, so let's jump to her return in Season 3.

As Marin is her target, she tries to get someone else sent to the back. It ends up being Adrienne, because she's nice even if she thinks Lila's a liar(she can't tell anyone "I know she's a liar because I'm Chat Noire"), and offered to give up her seat for someone who needs it for a disability.(and she was actually asked instead of shoved back there without her input).

Marin tries to call Lila out, but he has less proof than in Canon. As I said, since seducing Marin with lies was Lila's plan, she avoided lies he could disprove. So even without the "jealousy", it's easy to write Marin off as just overly paranoid.

Still, Marin refuses to sit by Lila, and instead goes to the back with Adrienne because she looks lonely. Which pisses Lila off.

Later, Lila decides to threaten both Marin and Adrienne. Though separately, of course.

She tells Marin that she already has his friends under her spell, and it would be so easy to turn them against him if he didn't comply. Not to mention that it'd be hard to convince them that he's not interested. After all, as far as they know, Lila is such a sweet and wonderful girl! She's their friend! Even if Marin is into someone else, why would he be so upset about someone like Lila showing interest?

Marin believes in his friends. But he still panics at the threat.

With Adrienne, Lila tries to play nicer because she thinks that she can manipulate her. Lila plays the "I don't want to let a boy get between us", already planning on painting Adrienne as jealous. When Adrienne tries the nicer "I know you're lying but I think you're doing it because you want friends and I'll be your friend if you stop lying. Also what was that about a boy coming between us because idk what you're talking about?!".

Lila lied and told Adrien she'd try, but of course has no intention of doing that.

The Akuma fight goes about the same.

Afterward, Adrienne talks to Marin about her conversation with Lila. Marin is a little more confident in telling Adrienne about Lila's threats. Adrienne is pissed, and tries to stand up for Marin, but is brushed off because Lila already painted her as jealous.

So neither are believed. For Marin, they believe his suspicions of Lila are tunnel vision of his crush on Adrienne combined with insecurity of "if someone likes me it must be for ulterior motives". Meanwhile, everyone knows that Adrienne likes Marin but is denying it with 'he's just a friend!', and think she's jealous of Lila's interest.

How the turntables.

This would change other Lila-centric episodes like Oni-chan and Ladybug, but I'm too tired to deal with that rn.

[xxcureangelxx]

5, 9, 10, 13, 20, 21, 24, 25, 28, 30-35, 38-42, 44-46, 50, 52, 54, 60-62, 66, 71-74, 86-91, 96, 100! 😊

okay I literally have no clue how old this is and if I'm even taking the questions from the right post but here goes I guess? 🙈

<u>5. What is your favorite Color?</u>

PURPLE

<u>9. How tall are you?</u>

about 1,70 meters or 5'7"

<u>10. What shoe size are you?</u>

size 40-41, I think that's about 8 in US sizes?

<u>13. What talents do you have?</u>

uhhh good question... not sure if it counts but I guess I'm quite good at a lot if things but can't do anything extraordinarily well?

<u>20. Are you religious?</u>

Absolutely not. Due to family history and a lot of other things I'm actually against it a lot but people can do whatever they feel like is right for them as long as they don't harm others with it.

<u>21. Have you ever been to the hospital?</u>

Yes, quite a lot actually. practically grew up in hospitals as a baby because of kidney issues, broke both my legs with 4 years old, had to revisit for tests a lot during my childhood because of the kidney issue. it calmed down afterwards until I was back in hospital last year because of my terrible mental health and I'm currently in a rehabilitation clinic for it as well.

<u>24. Baths or showers?</u>

Shower's because we don't have a bathtub

<u>25. What color socks are you wearing?</u>

currently none, I love going barefoot, but usually I wear white, gray or black. I know... I'm a bad gay.. no rainbow socks (;ŏ﹏ŏ)

<u>28. What type of music do you like?</u>

you know.... I hate this question with a passion even though I love music so I'll just throw in my yt-playlist here and everyone who's interested can look through it to get a picture xD not sorted in any way and not a conclusive list at all, I just add songs as I find them

<u>30. How many pillows do you sleep with?</u>

mostly just one at a time but I've got two different ones. one is the normal fluffy kinda pillow, the other is made of some kinda foam material and rather thin.

<u>31. What position do you usually sleep in?</u>

I'm always lying on the side! have been doing that since I was a baby too.

<u>32. How big is your house?</u>

compared to what? 🙈 I'd say decent size for 5 people to live in, would have space for 1-2 more if rooms were used differently but definitely not enough to comfortably live with 12 or even more people like my family used to. we've got like 3 proper sleeping rooms (one of which is the attic so not very nice in terms of heat and the staircase is smack in the middle of the room), a kitchen, a dining room, a big living room, a tiny bathroom that barely fits a toilet and shower, and the basement is a mix of storage, electrics and stuff, washing room/utility room and it's got another smaller room that's been turned back into a small workshop but used to be the room of my brother and later my grandmother.

<u>33. What do you typically have for breakfast?</u>

I guess this is where it shows that I'm german but we usually just eat bread (preferably whole grain) with cheese or slices of salami or ..meat sausage? is that a proper translation? 🤨 idk... it's rather simple really. on the weekend maybe buns and boiled eggs. on the occasion that I'm too tired for it or don't have enough time I eat cereals but it's not very common when I'm at work/school

<u>34. Have you ever fired a gun?</u>

No, and I don't want to

<u>35. Have you ever tried archery?</u>

Yes!! I did last year when I was in the hospital and it was super fun! was quite good at it as well, even for my first try 😤

<u>38. What's the longest you've ever gone without sleep?</u>

I think about 3 days? if we count "barely unconscious for a few hours" as sleep that is... otherwise no clue...my memory of the bad sleepless time is quite hazy lol

<u>39. Do you have any scars?</u>

yeah, quite a few tbh. got 2 huge ones from surgeries due to my kidney issues, well they look like 2 but it's actually multiple ones since they simply cut open party of the old ones again, tiny hooman apparently have very little skin. then I got some other ones here and there from accidents, general dumbness, etc, like when I cut through my sunday morning bun and almost cut half of the tip of my finger off because my mother sharpened the knife and didn't tell me or that time as a kid I couldn't wait for my ironing pearl pictures to be done and burned myself on the hot iron, mostly stuff like that.

<u>40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?</u>

I mean.. if they're a secret... how would I know? ;) not sure if it counts that it took me months to realize I had a crush on my best friend and the feelings were reciprocated and I was too blind to see the signs?

<u>41. Are you a good liar?</u>

Nope. People actually think I'm lying more often than I lie... so.... :/

<u>42. Are you a good judge of character?</u>

I'm.. honestly not sure what this one means? like, am I able to judge what kind of character a person has after barely meeting them or smth? if so, I'm terrible at it

<u>44. Do you have a strong accent?</u>

in german? nope. in english? hmm hard to judge since I rarely hear myself speak. I think the stuff I do know how to pronounce is mostly okay but since I learned it through reading I'm simply unsure of a lot of pronunciations. 'also'.... I can not for the life of me pronouns that word no matter how many times I hear it... it's kinda become a quirk after some classmates pointed it out to me and I'm incredibly aware how terrible I say the word but.... just can't get rid of it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

<u>45. What is your favorite accent?</u>

I.. actually really love the way my best friend talks? 👉👈 they're french btw. just... typical me for struggling to understand them though, already terrible at it in german too...

<u>46. What is your personality type?</u>

honestly, I don't think I can answer that. I'm big on self loathing and everything's pretty shitty so, no thanks

<u>50. Left or right handed?</u>

Right handed. but does it even count id I'm bad at doing things with that hand too? lol

<u>52. Favorite food?</u>

hmmmm tough question... not the biggest fan of food in general a lot of the time... probably Züricher Geschnetzeltes

<u>54. Are you a clean or a messy person?</u>

Definitely messy. my allergies did not like this post trying to clean and tidy up more often though. my depression does not like this post either

<u>60. Do you talk to yourself?</u>

sometimes. quite a bit when watching movies or if I mess stuff up

<u>61. Do you sing to yourself?</u>

barely. got a lot of bad experiences with that so i keep my singing to a minimum. my shower is a great listener though

<u>62. Are you a good singer?</u>

I was in a choir for a few years when I went to 'middle school' and I had like one solo part once but other than that I can't really say because I barely ever sing in front of people

<u>66. Do you like long or shor hair?</u>

this question is currently my absolute nemesis.. I've got suuuper duper long hair and have had it ever since elementary school and I used to be super happy with it and sometimes I still am happy with it but other days, depending on where I'm at genderwise, I absolutely hate it and I just want to take the closest scissors and cut it all off... currently haven't had the guts to look for new hair styles though... but in other people? or women more specifically? I love long hair 🥺

<u>71. What makes you nervous?</u>

Or the shorter question: what doesn't make me nervous... I'd say pretty much everything has got the potential to make me nervous. I'm an overthinker, anxiety is a big thing for me and ptsd makes me scared of almost everything. so.. yeah... sucks to be me sometimes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

<u>72. Are you scared of the dark?</u>

Yes, very

<u>73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?</u>

I try not to but sadly I sometimes do, even if it's not my place to. I really don't like that part and hope I'll be able to learn not to sometime

<u>74. Are you ticklish?</u>

Yes and I hate it 😭

<u>86. What are you allergic to?</u>

again, easier question: what am I not allergic to... it's... a lot... like, really a lot. with the test on the skin of my arm I reacted to every single substance and the more thorough blood test lead to much of the same result. the absolute worst are birch trees (pitty, love those), then the usual pollen of pretty much every tree or flower, all animals with fur or feathers, dust and... yeah list goes on and on, you get the picture... :/

<u>87. Do you keep a journal?</u>

no.. have tried to multiple times in the past but never made it more than a week... too depressing to write and read... the therapist at the rehab clinic is currently forcing me to try a positivity diary for the millionths time, can't even get that done each day even though I'm doing it on my phone and get notifications to do it each evening...

<u>88. What do your parents do?</u>

making my life hell lol.. okay on a serious note, my father was a car electrician, he's retired by now, my mother is a housewife, she used to work different jobs before her first kid, later on she took care of my grandmother who was suffering from dementia, got some money and retirement points for that too.

<u>89. Do you like your age?</u>

I-... I don't know? it's weird because I both feel a lot younger and a lot older than I am rn....

<u>90. What makes you angry?</u>

another tough question... I actually have anger issues in that way that I'm barely capable of feeling anger... used to be worse but I already worked a lot on it in therapy so there's at least some there now... in the past I simply started to cry and felt overwhelmed by sadness whenever I was supposed to feel anger... so I can't tell very well what makes me angry because I first have to realize that I'm feeling anger or more like should be feeling it....

<u>91. Do you like your own name?</u>

Not really, no, but I guess I finally figured out some reasons why.. I've recently started going by a bit of a different name too but only my closest friends know so far and I'm not sure if I'll be using it irl at all..

<u>96. How did you get your name?</u>

I'm still trying to get my mother to admit that she named me after this song but she keeps denying it.. she's a fan of this band so it would have fit.. but she keeps saying she just liked the name, no long thought process behind it..

my chosen name is a bit of a different story. an ex friend I got to know through yt gave me that nickname almost 10 years ago after I complained that you can't make a shorter nickname out of my birthname and it's also the name of s character I like, especially his voice, and... idk it just feels more gender neutral and I simply feel comfortable with it. it just fit.

<u>100. Color of your room?</u>

same as question 5: Purple 🥰 or... well half the walls are purple, the other half is white

phew... can't believe I made it through all of these....

in case people haven't noticed yet, I'm currently kinda getting back into tumblr? I think I've already stayed a lot longer than any times I tried getting back before. it mostly started because we've got super bad wifi at the clinc I'm at rn and reddit takes up waaayy too much mobile data and... idk, I guess I just missed the vibe of tumblr

I'm not sure how long I'll be able to stick around but we'll see

[dangan-happy]

I want Mikan to have wheelies to escape her feelies./ Hey hey, Miu, Kaito, Kokichi? Yet again, it is I. I'm having motivation issues again and for the last few days I've felt horrible. Really, I've just been questioning my worth again due to a bunch of stuff, especially cuz I argue with my mom 24/7. I just could use some comfort rn, if that's alright. P.S, felt like I should say this. IK one of you guys mentioned ADHD; and I'm actually getting tested for that soon! Ty :). -Spider anon

Spider anon!! Hey bro!! What's up! You're on my list of anons with the coolest names, you funky little spider anon. My bad, I got kinda distracted, so now I'm gonna focus on helping you. Aw man, I'm sorry to hear you're having motivation issues again, and feeling generally horrible. Hey! Stop questioning your worth right now! You're amazing no matter what. You're a unique, awesome person, and you can do whatever a spider anon can-on!

Arguing with parents is pretty common, and yeah, it's always a tricky thing. Since I don't have any details, I can't really give any advice on that, but maybe try spacing yourself away from your mom as much as you can to avoid arguments. I seriously can't remember if it was me who mentioned ADHD, but I'm glad to hear you're looking into that! I totally know what that stuff is like, and hopefully the actions you take will lead to some solid help.

Alright, you want comfort? I got comfort! Bro, I seriously can't stress enough how amazing you are. I've only talked to you twice, but I can tell you're an incredible person who I'd totally be friends with. Even if you're not feeling super motivated right now, that doesn't mean you're worthless. No matter what happens, you're still worth as much as possible. Like you know the world's biggest diamond? You're worth more than that. I started a random "I would be friends with this anon" squad, and like, if you want in, I'll totally give you a star sticker. I guess that's like, our official membership badge or something. Either way, don't lose faith in yourself. Believe in yourself no matter what. Try to become your own biggest fan, because there's so much about you that's amazing. I hope nothing but awesomeness comes your way man, it was good to hear from you again!

-

Hey! I'm literally never going to forget you because of the dumb spider anon song parody Kaito made, which is in my head right now which sucks because it's literally one line on repeat over and over again, but anyways, hi again, welcome back! Aw man, I totally get the motivation thing. Like, it's just soooo much work to get up and do things, or like, even get up half the time. Hey, even if you're not feeling it right now, that doesn't change your self worth at all!! Sorry to tell you, but someone with as much worth as you literally can't have their worth shrink ever. That's just how it is, laws of science or whatever. We all have our spirals, and that doesn't change who we are as people, or how much we're worth. I kind of fight with everyone, so I do get the whole 24/7 fighting thing too.

Dammit, I'm agreeing with Kaito. Sometimes it's a good idea to take a step back and take some personal space to let your head clear. When we get emotional, us amazing humans can make some pretty dumb choices, and I don't want you getting into a trap like that. Honestly I dunno who mentioned the ADHD thing either, but I'm just gonna go ahead and take credit for that. You're welcome Spider anon, you can write me a song or something to show your gratitude. I'm totally kidding, and it's good that you're getting tested! Hopefully that'll get you some answers and some ideas on what to do next to help yourself out.

Yeah, sure thing I'll give you some comfort! All you gotta do is ask. Ok, get ready. So, I'm a pretty great judge of character, like I had Kaito pinned as an idiot from the start, and I was like, totally right about that. I can tell that you're a really talented person, even if you don't feel like it all the time. You're seriously an amazing person, and anyone who knows you is lucky to. I'd like, totally be your friend too, and for the record, I'd be a waaaay better friend than anyone else. But seriously, you're amazing. I know you have periods where you doubt yourself, but trust me, people around you see how amazing you are, and hopefully you will one day too. Keep being your awesome spider self, kay? I'll see you around!

=

Spidey! Hey there babes, great to see you again!

Not so great that you’re feeling horrible though, that sounds like a lot of shit that you’re going through.. Motivation issues and your mum is arguing with you? Geez, I don’t get adults man…

Listen, I know your mum is a total pain in the arse with constantly arguing with you, but you’re not any less important, you’re worth a whole lot. Fuck what she thinks, you’re doing the best that you can and that’s the important thing!

Oh hey, I know it’s not me who mentioned ADHD, but I’m glad that you’re getting tested for it, it’s always better to get it done professionally instead of self diagnosing and freaking out.. I get it, it’s easy to look at the symptoms and think, ‘hm, this sounds like me!’, but you know what I mean..

You mentioned wanting comfort, so how about I let you take a nice, long rest against me? I’ll hold you until you feel better, does that sound good? Spidey, you’re worth all the happiness in the world, that much I promise you..

[thesunnyshow]

Name: hi, i am nyx  Age: 20 years old Writing Blog URL(s): jungcity.tumblr.com | v-asl.tumblr.com 

Nationality: filipino Languages: english, filipino Star Sign: pisces! MBTI: infp-t Favorite color: white accentuated by silver Favorite food: it’s sweet and spicy chicken garlic!! Favorite movie: hmmm, it’s prolly flipped because that movie was so cute :,)  Favorite ice cream flavor: rocky road!! Favorite animal: it’s gonna be cats!! although i love lions so much because of narnia :,( Coffee or tea? What are you ordering? coffee :,) Go-to karaoke song: i don’t sing agskh the world would end if i would 

What has been one of the biggest factors of your success (of any size)? i think it’s me writing about jaehyun??? since he’s the king of fanfiction, especially in ncity nowadays. 

What fandom(s) do you write for?  nct + wayv

When did you post your first piece? three days ago!! that would be august 4 i guess???

Do you write fluff/angst/crack/general/smut, combo, etc? Why? i don’t really much write fluff since i don’t have any idea how to write a good fluff!! :( this has been an issue every time i write some au’s. so im always ending up writing and focusing more on angst. it’s the genre i know best. well, crack… it’s hard to make the readers laugh when you can’t even make their tooth ache from sweetness with your fluffy writings. :( smut… i don’t write smut explicitly any more. i’m more on the suggestive side rn. 

Do you write OCs, X Readers, Ships...etc  i write OC’s especially when im writing a series!! to diversify my writing. but i usually am on the x reader side. ships? not that much. 

Why did you decide to write for Tumblr? uhm, back in 2017, i was searching for some website where i could publish my works. ive always been a tumblr-girl since i am that wanna-be-aesthetic kinda person :D then i had found that i could write and publish on tumblr so yeah that’s pretty much why i am on this app rn

What inspires you to write?  ooh, music has been a great help for sure!! whenever i don’t feel like writing something, i always listen to music and the idea would flow like a river. classic poems helps, too. :)

What genres/AUs do you enjoy writing the most?  supernatural!au’s, fantasy!au, medieval!au. i feel like it’s easier to write something out of pure fantasy. i have a hard time writing modern!au’s since i lack the humor and the knowledge for modern slangs. 

What do you hope your readers take away from your work?  ooh, i always always always am careful with the way that i craft all my works. i try to feel what my characters feel to give them a certain validation. i put my shoes on the scenarios i have in mind even though i haven’t yet experienced everything ive written. and i do love writing strong female characters, whether it’s oc’s or female readers. that’s my main priority whenever i write. and i want them to know that girls could do just as much everything boys could. women are powerful. 

What do you do when you hit a rough spot creatively?  i read a lot to get back on my foot. i also try to re-read my past works so i’d be inspired to better my writing on my current draft.

What is your favorite work and why? Your most successful?  my favorite work is the one i’m still writing rn, which is entitled 505. it’s a hendery fic in which he is a bandit and the female reader is a sacristan. it’s my fave since i relate myself so much to the female reader. :) my most successful one is the childhood best friends!au taeyong x female reader. it’s about to reach 600+ notes i guess? and im so grateful of all the feedbacks i got from it. 

Who is your favorite person to write about?  it’s jaehyun and hendery :) 

Do you think there’s a difference between writing fanfiction vs. completely original prose?  character wise, perhaps. since you already have a face value in fanfiction, but in an original prose, you would have to craft everything from 0. 

What do you think makes a good story?  a good story is something that doesn’t romanticize the bad things going on in the world. a good story is something that is emphatic to the hardships of others. a good story is something that gives comfort to those who are in the dark. a good story is something that boosts the hearts of the readers and makes them feel things!! 

What is your writing process like?  first, i think of a plot! (this happens oftentimes when im washing the dishes) when i have the plot, i think of the ending. when i have the ending, it’s time for me to device a fitting title. and the plot would develop from then on. 

Would you ever repurpose a fic into a completely original story?  i don’t think so… this is scary. since some people think of fanfics as delusional works from delusional authors. it’s kinda sad. 

What tropes do you love, and what tropes can’t you stand?  i love love love enemies-to-lovers trope!! one that i couldn’t stand and do my best to not read is probably… hmm… no, i love all tropes!! i just love e-t-l most!

How much would you say audience feedback/engagement means to you?  it means a ton. since it could really boosts me up. heavy sigh. it’s the best thing when you write something— the feedbacks. even though it’s a simple reblog with the ‘#ATKSHSKSHSKAHAKSGAHGEGSJA’ or ‘#myfave’. i would smile like an idiot whenever i read it.

Dream job (whether you have a job or not)? i want to be a successful writer someday!

If you could have one superpower, what would you choose? teleportation!! 

If you could visit a historical era, which would you choose?  ancient greek + victorian era

If you could restart your life, knowing what you do now, would you?  yes!! im so hell deep in indecision right now so i want to restart to make everything right

Would you rather fight 100 chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken?  100 chicken-sized horses!!

If you were a trope in a teen high school movie, what would you have been?  enemies-to-lovers trope agsksj LOL

Do you believe in aliens/supernatural creatures?  YES!!! perhaps they are lurking somewhere here on earth and we don’t know it yet ;)

Fun fact about yourself that not everyone would know?  oh… i don’t really know what to write. i don’t give much attention to my personal details agsksj

Do you think fanfic writers get unfairly judged?  yes!! ugh, there’s this recent issue wherein stan twt called fanfic writers as freaks. and it broke my heart. i mean, most fanfic writers get inspirations from their idols and that shouldn’t be a bad thing. we aren’t delusionals as one might think. we are simply doing our craft. 

Do you think art can be a medium for change?  yes!! our country’s hero ‘jose rizal’ had somehow stirred the nationality of the people back in the old days because of his writings. i do believe that art changes things!! it has the ability to pierce the heart of the people.  

Do you ever feel there are times when you’re writing for others, rather than yourself?  yes. i feel this whenever im writing smut. i mean, let’s be real, your works would do better once you’ve included some steamy smut scenes in it. when i was writing my first fanfic after three years, i didn’t think that i’d ever include smut. but the fear of not getting feedbacks crept up in me, so i forced myself to write some sexy scenes. i know that’s like… weird. but i’m trying not to dwell on feedbacks any longer. and i also have decided not to write explicit smut anymore. honestly, i feel better now that i don’t force myself to do something that i think would please others rather than me.

Do you ever feel like people have misunderstood you or your writing at times?  uhm, as far as i can remember, nope— still hasn’t felt that way. :)

Do your offline friends/loved ones know you write for Tumblr?  yes!! my best friends irl knows about it. my sister knows. my parents are also aware of my passion in writing, and they do know that i write. but where and what, that remains obscured from them :D 

What is one thing you wish you could tell your followers?  that it’s okay to be vulnerable. it’s okay to make mistakes. it’s okay to fail sometimes. it’s okay to feel things. because like a good book, there is always a character development and you have the pen to write your own version of happy endings. 

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers who might be too scared to put themselves out there?  i’ve been there: the scared and conscious part. but one thing i would say is, you have to dare yourself!! you won’t know how your writing would have impacted so many lives and touch the hearts of people if you won’t grab your pen or your gadget and start your draft. 

Are there any times when you regret joining Tumblr?  nope, there aren’t. the community has been lovely to me ever since i started writing. :,)

Do you have any mutuals who have been particularly formative/supportive in your Tumblr journey? yes!! oh my god. i’d like to take this opportunity to thank my mutuals who’s done me nothing but kindness— @legendnct (hannah), whoo!! you know how much i love you, right? thank you for always being there to listen to me. :) @cloudysuh des, since day one you’ve supported me. i couldn’t ask for more. thank you for the never-ending praises, keyboard smashes, for the tags, and for always boosting me up. @bohoes georgie, you know i love you. since 2017 you’ve been with me— praising my works and supporting me. thank you. @cherr-e cherry!! thank you!! for teaching me how to better my writing. i hope endless happiness for u and please take care. @writermoon hello my babe!! thank you so much for reading my works with such vivid imaginations. i love you. @jaeyongf amy!! the bestest person :,) thank you for always leaving me feedbacks!! thank you for being kind to me. thank you for always supporting me. i love you guys so much and let’s be mutuals for a long time!! 

Pick a quote to end your interview with: 

“If the world hated you, and believed you wicked, while your own conscience approved you, and absolved you from guilt, you would not be without friends.” — Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #308

“you don’t need treats, and you don’t need tricks, and you don’t need me.”

Middle name? Marie. Or Marie Catherine, if we're technical, but as someone who loooong left Catholicism and never even agreed with many aspects of it in the first place, I don't like to include it. If you're confused, there's a ceremony called Confirmation, and while I honestly don't even remember the details of it, you adopt the name of a saint you want to stand for, kinda. I chose Catherine just because I liked the name outta my other options. Democrat/republican/other? I classify myself as Independent because I really don't relate well enough to either, but I do know I'm becoming more and more liberal with time. Do you dress according to your mood? My mood? No. I dress with what I feel like wearing at that time, but my actual mood has nothing to do with it. Are you good at doing hair/make up? No. Are you always worried or stressed about something? 24/7, my friend. Can you swim? Yeah. Are you afraid of needles? I don't like them, but I'm not afraid of them. How many kids do you want? Zero. Long/short nails? I keep mine short. Do you like wearing hats? No. Does mall Santa Clauses or Easter bunnies freak you out? Nah, I loved seeing Santa as a kid. :') Would you consider yourself clumsy? I am RIDICULOUSLY clumsy. Do you like when a guy picks you up in his arms? In concept, but I ain't easy to pick up anymore lmao. Do you like hairless cats? I do!! Females, anyway, for... obvious reasons lol. Not having fur makes some things waaay too ~obvious~ otherwise. I would love a sphynx. Do you like the color yellow? No; it's actually one of my most disliked colors. Have you ever seen a cat have a hairball? Yeah. Have you ever had a tooth pulled? Not by a dentist, no, just by myself as a kid when I was losing my baby teeth. When someone says don’t look do you look? It depends on why they're telling me to not look. Have you ever played spin the bottle? No. If you had to name three important details about you, what would you say? I'm a very emotional person, I need a lot of "me" time, and to be aware of my social anxiety so not every interaction I have is perceived as just a dumpster fire. What are your three biggest insecurities? My creativity, my goddamn body, and my lack of social skills. If you could write anonymous letters to three people, who would you send it to and what would you say? Ummm. I can only think of people I miss and don't WANT to be anonymous... Favorite photo of yourself? A senior prom picture I don't have anymore. I looked so, so happy and fuck my low self-esteem, gorgeous. Who are you disappointed with right now? I'm like, permanently disappointed in myself lol. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? No. My minimum is 21. What question do you hate to answer? "Are you a virgin?" because it's just a confusing answer. It doesn't sound like one at all, but trust me on this. The subject of sex just makes me uncomfortable anyway, so even if I was confident in the answer, I wouldn't want to talk about it. What’s your most listened to song? I don't have a way of actually finding that out, but I'd say I've been listening to "ULTRAnumb" by Blue Stahli quite a lot lately. If you were a performing artist, what would you title your first album? I mean, I don't know. It would depend on what was going on in my life and head at the time. If someone told you you could give one person a present and your budget was unlimited–what present would you get and for whom? A nice car for Mom. She's had the same shitty car for yeeeeeaaaaarrrrrssssss now because she just can't afford a new one; hell, this one was free. A dance friend hit a deer, so the front of the car is messed up, and she bought a new one, but because the car itself was still functional, she gave it to my mom. Mom is so loved at the studio. The car just has various issues by this point, like trouble starting, accelerating, it's bumpy, etc., so it's way past time for a new one. Do you like licorice? NOOOOOOOOOO that's a big 'ole "ew." Have you ever visited your country’s capital city? No, but I've seen it from a distance when riding up to NY. When was the last time you were outdoors for over an hour? WOW. I couldn't even try to guess. What is the shortest amount of time you’ve lived somewhere? The house I was born into. I actually don't know how long Mom and Dad lived there, but I was only in that house as a very little baby. I have zero memories of it. What’s your favorite kind of mint? (Peppermint/wintergreen/spearmint/etc.) ... There's a difference? lol I guess peppermint? What was the last thing to frustrate you? I wanted to draw yesterday, but I didn't know what to draw to even get started. Have you ever been to a bachelor or bachelorette party? No. Did any of your family members serve in WWII? I don't believe so? Well... maybe my grampa did? I don't remember. What’s your favorite kind of salad? Gimme an Olive Garden salad and I will deadass eat the whole bowl. Are you more realistic or idealistic? I'd say I'm more realistic with most things. Are you currently borrowing something from someone? No. Is anyone currently borrowing anything from you? No. What is your last name’s heritage/country of origin? Ireland. When did you last buy a new pair of shoes? What kind? I got new flipflops a year or so back because my old Rainbows were so worn out and blackened my feet. Have you ever experienced culture shock while traveling? If so, where? No. Are you able to see the stars at night where you live? I actually haven't checked since moving here. We're in the suburbs though, so it's questionable. Do you include your middle initial in your signature? Not unless it's required, usually. I think. When's the last time I physically signed anything, anyway? What brand of computer do you have? It's an Acer Nitro. What operating system does that computer run? Windows 10. What’s the oldest piece of clothing that you still own and wear? I don't really know, given how much my weight has fluctuated. Went drastically up, went down, now it's back up. .-. I still own a handful of shirts I want to "shrink back into" from late HS and early college times, but yeah, I don't know if I'll actually achieve that. Is the area in which you live flat, hilly, or mountainous? Flat as my ass. What is your significant other or best friend’s ring tone? No one on my phone has a "special" ringtone. Where do you keep your hair brush? There's a comb I use in a drawer in the bathroom. Which pair of shoes have you owned the longest? Multiple pairs of Converse, also from high school. When’s the last time you were sick at the same time as someone else? I'm very happy to say I don't even recall the last time I was sick. My immune system is the fuckin GOAT. What did you have for breakfast this morning? A pb&j. We've got very little rn, but thankfully Mom's picking up our Wal-Mart order today. Last time you were in pain? If I'm standing, you can bet my legs hurt, so. What color is your mom’s hair? It's growing back totally gray now. Is that also your hair color? Well, no, I'm only 25. Do you watch any daily vloggers on YouTube? Who? No. I watch people who vlog occasionally, but not regularly. It's gotta be people I'm very into to really be interested in vlogs. What room of your house do you usually do your surveys in? Sigh, I'm always in my bedroom. Really hoping Mom and I muster up the motivation to clean up the extra room soon to turn it into my "dayroom" or "office," if you will. What do you put on your tacos? I hate tacos. What is your favorite stuffed animal and where did you get it? I have a bittersweet connection to the adorable plush meerkat Jason gave me for Valentine's our first year together; I always slept with it when we were together by apart, and for a year or so after the breakup. It was a source of comfort for me, so I'm really fond of it. Fella's fur is so worn out and matted down with age and lots of love. He's on my dresser now, towards the front of all my plushies. Last thing you hung up on your wall? My Illidan poster, I believe. Do you have a full length mirror? Yeah, on the back of my door. Is it currently raining? No, finally. It's been raining for like a fuckin week, it seems like. It's finally a clear day. It's nice to hear birds outside. Does anyone you live with talk in their sleep? Does this happen often? I'M the one doing the talking/screaming in my sleep. Thanks, nightmares. When was the last time you cried, or felt tearful? I'm not positive, but I know I had a pretty rough PTSD night not too long ago where I teared up. Did you wake up with a song stuck in your head today? What was it? Ohhh yes; I've been listening to Mother Mother's "Ghosting" on repeat because it's jammed up there. When was the last time you used moisturiser or lotion of some kind? Not too long ago on my hands. They get dry this time of year, and besides, I wash my hands a lot nowadays especially. What was the last thing you owned, that was accidentally broken or damaged? Were you able to get it fixed? My laptop, and yes. Tell me about the last dream you recall having. Was it weird, amusing, etc. So this is pretty wild. I know I had a nightmare last night, but I don't remember it; the night before, however, I had a nightmare about a possibly rabid and ginormous rat (I mean like, smaller dog sized) in the house and trying to bite me. It was SUPER weird, because I was actually afraid of it, yet I absolutely adore rats in real life. What was the last video you watched on YouTube? I've really gotten into John Wolfe (a let's player) lately, and I'm going through his The Evil Within playthrough. Do your parents use any social media at all? My mom has a Facebook, and hilariously, Dad has a Snapchat to talk with my sister Nicole. He has no clue what he's doing with it and it's adorable, haha. Mom also has a Twitter, but she doesn't use it. Is there anyone in your life who regularly asks how your day has been? Regularly, no. I've always been that person, especially in the WoW guild I'm in. I'm very close and comfortable with them and ask how everyone's doing any time I log on. Lovely people who give me some social interaction every day. Tell me something positive about the day you've had. It's still early, but once again, it's pretty and bright outside. Why do you prefer Facebook over MySpace, because I know you do? Ha, you'd be incorrect. MySpace was more personal, so I actually preferred it. But it's obviously long-dead, so I just settle with Facebook. Have you read the Pretty Little Liars series? No. My sister looooves it, though. What product do you use to moisturize your lips? I don't remember, actually... It's in my purse somewhere. When did you start using Xanga? I never have. Be honest, do you judge people on their appearance? Judge, I don't think so. I can make assumptions like everyone else, but I'm not gonna think someone is beneath me just by their attire. Do you know anyone who does not like The Beatles? Me. At least, most songs. "Hey Jude" is good, but everyone agrees with that, haha. Did you have a friend in middle school that you’re now enemies with in high school? I'm long since out of HS. I had a middle school friend who I disconnected with following a fight in high school, but we weren't "enemies," and we reunited our senior year anyway. Aaaaand we're not friends anymore once again lmao. What is one thing you hope your children don’t inherit from you? If I hypothetically wanted kids, God knows I'd hope they wouldn't have my psychological issues. Do you think you’ll be married in 10 years? It'd be nice, anyway. What type of foundation do you wear? None. Who’s the most controlling person you know? Someone I'm no longer friends with, partially because of this. Do males look good in skinny jeans? Yep. Are you for or against guyliner? Ugggghhhhh guyliner makes me weak in the knees. How many jobs have you had? Where do you currently work? Three; nowhere. Who did you last hit? Um, nobody??? What way of self-care do you enjoy the most and what feels more like an obligation? I enjoy my alone time on the computer as the best self-care, especially after being social all day; I don't, however, enjoy the act of performing hygiene care. I still do it, it's just not fun. The feeling afterwards is great, though. Have you ever tried specific diet plans or fads? What made you do it and how did it turn out for you? I was briefly using NutriSystem, which didn't work for me. I hated too much of the food. More recently I stuck with flexible dieting and calorie counting for a while, but I drifted from it when I still lost no fucking weight in like a month. I want to get back to it, though... oh, and intermittent fasting. I don't think it really worked for me yet again, even though I did it correctly, but that and the aforementioned flexible dieting is all I feel like I can handle. I guess I just have to give it longer. Do you know anyone who has been directly affected by COVID-19 e.g. testing positive, losing a loved one, or their job due to the pandemic? Too many people I know have had it or had someone they loved die because of it. Take this shit seriously. Is there a kind of music you only prefer listening to during specific type of activities that you otherwise wouldn’t enjoy under normal circumstances (e.g. EDM while doing sports or instrumental music while studying, etc.)? No; I have to actually enjoy the music. If you had to start a YouTube channel and motivations/skills/resources/any other inhibiting factors weren’t an issue, what would it be about? Either animal (preferrably reptiles) education or let's plays, ig. Has anything ever happened to you that if you told someone about, they would think you’re making it up? I don't believe so. What travel destination or popular spot have you been to that you found overrated? What about a lesser known place that you thought was a hidden gem? I really don't know; I haven't traveled nearly enough for this.

[nikoalaa]

usually this is something i’d post on a side blog with no tags or followers (just to get out of my head), but i think this time i want the possibility of someone helping. idk how long this will be but i’ll put it under a read more when i’m on my computer.

i’ve been struggling more lately. idk if it’s just the pandemic and quarantine and everything getting to me, but this has all been happening before too, just maybe not as often. i’m more anxious, i’m more depressed, i want to shut myself away from friends and not leave my house much unless it’s a quick trip somewhere by myself. i’m so tired all the time. i’m just so, so exhausted. and since i’m home a lot with nothing to do, i’ll sleep. my schedule is so messed up. i sleep basically 5am-2pm and then sometimes still take a nap. like today i slept 5 or 6 am- 2, woke up and had something small to eat, sat at my computer and then slept again 6:30pm-9pm. i jokingly call this my “unemployed schedule” with my parents, but i think they just think i’m lazy.

and speaking of them, i think a lot of my problems i have with myself would be nonexistent if i just had good parents. my crooked teeth wouldn’t be an issue if my dad didn’t hate doctors and was scared of the dentist, therefore never making appointments for me or my brother, resulting in us both not having good teeth. my weight and unhealthy relationship to food wouldn’t be an issue if my mom would have just made me eat a god damn vegetable when i was a kid instead of just giving me chicken nuggets so i would stop whining. and when i was chubbier then other kids, instead of herself trying to fix my diet by actually cooking healthy food and making me eat it, she made me see a doctor and go to group sessions of other kids in similar situations (that i was very uncomfortable going to, to the point of me crying, but she forced me to go anyway). which none of that helped anyway, it just made me self conscious about eating so i now hate food and when i do eat in public, i feel gross and that people are staring at me. and now my body has tricked itself that if i’m out in public, i can only eat very little or else i get sick and throw up. and my mental illness could be in check if my parents just put in any effort. they’ve been aware of my depression since i was in 3rd grade (which my mom would phrase as “you don’t seem as happy anymore”) and i recall having anxiety since kindergarten. i get that we didn’t have a lot of money when i was growing up, so maybe they just made me see the guidance counselor every friday for two school years. which is fine, that’s what they could do and it was at least something idk. but after that it’s like they stopped caring. i went on to public school after that and i hated it. i constantly would go to the nurses office in 5th grade and pretend being sick so my mom could pick me up or some how get me home. that should have been a red flag. or whenever my dad asked me how my day was and i never said “good”, another red flag. i was so depressed for the rest of my time in public school, and they didn’t do anything. sure i would join clubs or play sports to try to make myself happy and have fun, but it wasn’t ever enough. high school was even worse. i was angry all the time. just that angry emo kid sat in the back of the class. and eventually i lost almost all my friends. i started cutting, but i kept it hidden until i got changed after gym class one day. someone i was kinda friends with spotted the cuts on my upper arm. they gave me a knowing look and asked what happened. i said my dog scratched me. but it was way too many cuts and too dark to be dog scratches. but they didn’t ask again and i was grateful because i didn’t want help at the time. rest of school went on, the cutting stopped (or at least stopped being as frequent. relapses now and again), had panic attacks before and during school (that i always seemed like a burden for having when my mom had to deal with it), then i had a manipulative friend/ex gf i’m not even going to get into rn. long section short, my parents knew i was struggling. they would mention it off handedly. “you didn’t seem as happy” “we saw their was something going on” stuff like that. but they did nothing to help me. never asked questions, never talked to me, never asked if i needed help or someone else to talk to.

after highschool the panic attacks weren’t as frequent, but the depression was there. and they knew it. because even now and then i would bring it up, especially when i was having a breakdown. i would tell them i need help, i need a therapist and i need medication. she said (because it was always my mom i would go to) that she would see what she could do. then nothing happened. another time, full break down, and i fully told her i am suffering and i need help. she made me feel like such a burden and an inconvenience. she said she had no idea how to get me a therapist. no idea where to start. so i told her, mainly yelled, to ask this one lady we know (someone who had actually done more for my mental health than my own mother) for advice because i know her two kids go to therapy and stuff. she said she would try but she never did. few weeks ago, i have the biggest panic attack i’ve had in a while. full hyperventilating, almost going to throw up, all because there was a bug in my room trapped under a bowl. that is not healthy. i’m sobbing and gasping for air as my dad is trying to get the fast bug off the floor but not lose it, and once it’s gone i’m in bed sobbing and heaving and my whole body is twitching uncontrollably. she thinks she’s hot shit because she did that “5 things you can touch” bull shit once i was starting to calm. nothing again after that. what they did, they bought a hand vacuum so i could catch bugs myself. i guess so i won’t have to bother them at 4 in the morning and again freaking the fuck out. all in all, if they got me therapy as a teen and i had meds, i probably would be much much much better off. i won’t even go into the trans stuff rn. i think they think it went away because they ignored it and i don’t talk about it with them. even tho in the rest of the world away from family, i go by my chosen name and my friend calls me “he”. but it’s been almost 4 years, if not already 5 years, since i came out to them. they said they looked up therapy and stuff but again, nothing ever happened. i joke with my parents and say they’re lucky i don’t steal my dogs prozac and they laugh. i know it’s exactly the one used for people because it’s the same exact one my ex took. these days i’m starting to see things out of the corner of my eye, but nothing is there. i tell my mom i think i have adhd or something because i’ve read symptoms and it would make sense. and i also don’t remember a time where my head wouldn’t just be quiet. even now. it never is. but she says i was tested and they didn’t say i had adhd. when i was 7... and it’s misdiagnosed in afab people... and especially since i was anxious as a child.. and nervous around the lady who tested me. when. i. was. 7. shit develops later in life. but she won’t believe me because she says she’s trained to see the signs for her work. but then she’ll bring up how my uncle, grandma, and dad, are like the poster kids for adhd. and she just won’t believe me.

i’m really struggling with just everything. and i feel guilty that i’m even struggling and “feeling bad”. i’m a white kid from the philly suburbs. everything could be much much worse for me. but then again, i know thinking like this isn’t good for me. just because it could be worse, doesn’t mean it still can’t be a hell of a lot better too. i just want to be okay. i want to be healthy and happy. i’ve never really gotten to experience it all. my happiness seems fake and it fades away. my idea of health is “going to the gym and the right amount of anorexia.” i know that’s not healthy but that’s just the only way i know. my mom doesn’t seem to care anyway. i tell her that when i am working or i was in school, i would only have like one meal a day. she didn’t say a thing. i just want to be happy. i don’t want to die. i really don’t. i hate being alive but like, i’m already here. i’m not going to take myself out. but it’s just so hard to exist a lot of the time. idk how i’ve done it this long. and i can tell it’s gonna get bad again because i tried to cut myself a few nights ago. the knife wasn’t sharp enough to really make a mark but i had no energy to keep trying. i really need help but idk what to do anymore.

[memaha19]

Saw TROS, have some thoughts:

Spoilers, obviously.

Okay, I really liked The Rise of Skywalker and I definitely need to see it again to absorb everything but I guess here are my complaints? (And the list isn't too long so I don't wanna hear any of this "only fake fans like TROS" because that's EXACTLY what people said about TLJ, the same people who are singing the praises of TLJ right now like they have selective memory loss.)

(Also if you're one of those "the only real Star Wars is the original trilogy, everything else is garbage" fanboys/girls, please stay away from me and my post)

So, look. I ship Reylo. I have ever since Kylo shouted "you need a teacher, I could show you the ways of the force!" in Rey's face in TFA and she snatched the lightsaber and it flew past his face and he looked at her like "damn, girl". So I'm a little sad and a lot annoyed that they killed Ben. Like, was that necessary? I don't think so. They already did the "be redeemed and die" thing with Anakin. And wasn't the dyad thing supposed to mean they could both live? I've seen the rumors flying that the OG ending had Rey and Ben on Tattooine together and I want that. That's the ending I wish they had gone with. There was zero reason Ben had to die. Now, to be fair, I think it's super sweet that he was like "can't live without you, you need to be here more than me" and brought her back from the dead, but the movie teased me hard and made me think they were both gonna live and then it was like "HA FUCKING HA! HE'S DEAD!"

There's definitely some uncomfortably obvious retconning going on. Especially with TLJ saying "Rey's parents were no one special" and then TROS coming along to be like "but just kidding, she's Palpatine's granddaughter!". I was very okay with the idea of Rey being "no one special" and so them changing their mind and making up this whole story about how her parent was Palpatine's child and they gave her away to protect her from him...just...hmm.

Which brings us to: my biggest overall problem with the sequel trilogy is that...shouldn't they have established a general idea for how the arc for these three movies was going to go before they made them? I've enjoyed all three movies but they all feel like they've been made in a "what do we do now, how about this plot point, oh maybe this too, and maybe add some of this" way. I think maybe they should've all had one director? (Not necessarily JJ) Because JJ Abrams obviously set some stuff up in TFA and then Rian Johnson came along and kinda did his own wild thing with TLJ which left JJ Abrams to either outright ignore some things established in TLJ (like some of the character development, and Rose in general) or to try very aggressively to bring things back around to the way things were in TFA. This included throwing some things into TROS that go against everything else we've known.

MOSTLY I AM MAD THEY KILLED BEN.

Also Hux. He's never been a favorite character of mine but I had hoped him being the spy would be a little more of a storyline. Instead they just got rid of him so fast.

This movie kinda did that "introduce and underutilize a bunch of characters" thing that sequels often have issues with. Keri Russell's character, Naomi Acki's character (I'm so sorry, I cannot remember either of their names rn and am too lazy to Google), Rose (yeah, I know she was introduced in TLJ but she was basically just religated to saying a few lines here and there), etc. They all popped in to serve a purpose for a moment along Rey's journey to the Sith planet (sorry, I also can't remember that name either, just that it sounds like "icicle", forgive me, I'm tired and don't want to Google) but then they're just like "buh bye!"

They killed Ben and I am mad.

Overall I am about 75% less salty about TROS than I've seen a lot of people be. I did find the dialogue clunky at times and it was obvious that it was hard to work around Carrie Fisher's leftover scenes, which also added to the clunky dialogue. Sometimes I found myself thinking "how can they do that?", "how'd he get there so fast?", "how is Finn so force-sensitive all of the sudden?" and "are the Knights of Ren going to do anything other than stand around like a cool, black-clad boy band?". I liked that there was so much interaction between Rey, Finn, and Poe (especially since TLJ had them all split and I've always felt like Finn is at his strongest as a character when he's got either Rey or Poe to interact with) and the humour was honestly so good. I loved all the little nostalgic throwbacks, from the music to things like Maz giving Chewbacca that medal at the end to Rey ending up on Tattooine at the end. I loved the Rey/Kylo Ren, riiiiiiiight up until they were like "no future for Ben, he gets to die".

I just wish this trilogy felt a little bit more like everyone who made it was on the same page the whole time. My dad described it like "that game where everyone takes turns telling one sentence of a story and then the next person tells the next sentence", except in this case it's like one person telling a story and then the other person saying "no, not that way, this way", again and again, wash rinse repeat.

TL;DR: I liked TROS but also can see some flaws but, y'know, it was entertaining. So. Yeah.