#so right now they kind of have to rely on a backlog

[tangledinink]

swannie waiiitttttt noooooo. they shoulda given him something that made him fall asleep. i wonder if they have emergency sedation?

Donnie got a combination of tranquilizers/sedatives/muscle relaxers. The goal was for Donnie to fall asleep entirely and be too out of it to really be fully aware of what was going on, as well as be too sedated to fight them properly. And some of that was achieved! Just not to the degree that they were hoping for. Donnie is very much out of it right now and has way less control of his body than he usually would. (Under normal circumstances, there's no way Leo would have any chance of pinning Swanatello down like he is. The only reason why he can is because Swan is pretty heavily drugged r/n.)

However, keep in mind that they're operating under pretty limiting circumstances right now. It's not like they can go to a doctor to get this stuff prescribed to them-- they have to make do with what they have and are able to scrounge up, and they have to guesstimate the dosages themselves. These are some pretty heavy drugs, and they're using them on someone who they don't really understand the anatomy of right now-- they have no idea how Swanatello's body really works anymore, or how he's going to take this. They have limited supplies, limited time, and limited information. And if you have to choose between accidentally underdosing or accidentally overdosing your family member, you're probably going to shoot for the former.

[gatorpond]

as y'all know, my youngest brother died at the end of may & i've been struggling to survive. i'm catching up on my owed art backlog, but need another source of steady income in the meantime. long story short, i need help keeping my car legal to drive so that i can do deliveries.

ko-fi link with goal

this tues marked 4 months after losing my brother at 25. i haven't explicitly talked abt what happened, but it was extremely unexpected & traumatic. i was already disabled & cannot get a "normal job." i'm a work from home artist, but to put it simply, art requires access to emotions i simply do not reliably have in my current state of grief. so i need something that i can do reliably, even when i'm not able to do art. this is one of the only safe forms of work i can currently access. i can't keep relying on the kindness of strangers to keep me housed, so i'm trying to find solutions i can do that will take some stress off of me & give me some kind of self-reliance again. my car needs new transmission fluid & my reg expires at the end of this month (sept). the state wants ~1k in taxes/reg fees bc it was a used car i began payments on this yr. it also needs other basic maintenance but i can handle most of it myself, so it's not included in the goal amount. i say all of this to explain where the funds will be going & what my plan is for not needing to keep begging for help in future. i gotta pull out of this spiral before it's too late. i can't thank y'all enough for all the help you've given me so far. i want to be less reliant on y'all's generosity as soon as i'm capable & i think this is realistically one of the best ways for me to do that right now. thank you for reading.

[voltaspistol]

Hey everyone, it's your friendly neighborhood gold star mental patient here with secondhand therapist advice.

For those of us with a lot of anxiety who tend to get "stuck" trying to take in ALL of the information because your brain is desperately looking for the "AHA!" moment that will make the brain gremlins go away?

That information ain't out there as of the evening of November 6th.

At least not yet.

And if your brain is operating in crisis mode, you will be tempted to say and do things that might hamper rather than help.

Now might be a good time to look through your game and movie backlog to find a title that will help you "come up for air", so to speak. Something that will allow your brain to stop making cortisol & adrenaline, because right now? Your ego is basically doing that I Love Lucy bit where she works in a chocolate factory. That shit is not good for your brain, not good for your body, not good for whatever we have left that passes for a soul.

It doesn't free you from the obligation of getting involved in your community.

It just gives your brain some time to process some things in the back of your mind while your conscious mind takes a break. Here's some suggestions to start: ✅ Lord of the Rings (Not the recent show, the ones from the early 2000s) - The obvious choice which I think a lot of people will be gravitating towards on their own. ✅ Tank Girl (Movie, 1995)- If you need your story of overthrowing tyranny to be filled with swear words, sexual innuendo, and high levels of camp along with a decent 90s soundtrack, this might get you pumped enough to organize. ✅ Amelie (Movie, 2001) - A comfort watch if you feel alone and isolated. If you are too scared or too shy to run headlong into a formal political action group, this french film documents how small, creative acts of kindness and justice can make the world just a little bit better. It will renew your faith in humanity a bit. ✅ Disco Elysium (video game 2019) - A sprawling choose-your-own adventure set in a post-war capitalist dystopia alternate reality. Soothing for those of us who have made apology tours after losing our shit, illuminating for those of us who struggle with intrusive thoughts, and compelling for everyone who likes those stories where reality and unreality are a bit wobbly and elements of the fantastical seep through in unexpected ways. It doesn't have much to do with current events, but maybe that's what you need right now. ✅ Hades (game, 2020) - A game all about being stuck in hell, and fighting to get out, and although you get help from allies along the way, you're the one who has to do the dirty work. If you need some lessons on resilience and a compelling story besides with lots of interesting characters (including non-cis romance options!) and you want to get revenge on an oppressive father figure, try it on for size. ✅ Superliminal (2020) - If you need a high-end creative physics-based puzzle game that is light on story and operates on dream logic that relies heavily on linear perception just to distract you? This one is short but will have you distracted long enough to let your brain breathe a bit. ✅ The Room (2014) - For low-end systems and mobile devices, this is basically an elaborate digital puzzlebox, like one of those fancy desks with lots of hidden drawers. Atmospheric but not scary.

Also, don't discount the obvious ones: Cat videos, re-watching beloved old shows, guilty pleasure music etc.

You are not helping anyone, not even yourself, by doomscrolling until something goes --SNAP!-- in your brain.

Come up for air, give your brain metabolize the nasties, and THEN you will be able to strategize. Though for obvious reasons, now is not a good time to go back to old addictions like World of Warcraft. The idea is to take a break, NOT to drown in old waters. This list is not comprehensive, obviously, please add your own in reblogs

[beeeinyourbonnet]

Fic asks: 17, 41, 57 :)

17. What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

I'm gonna talk about this for like, probably longer than necessary, but some backstory xD As some people might know, I was a super prolific rumbelle/anyelle writer Back in the Day and I looked back recently and I was writing/posting like...thousands of words a day. Which I didn't even realize how much it was. I had the Feelings I guess and writing was full of joy and delight! And then I experienced a Major Life Upheaval and I stopped having the time to write and then the ideas dried up and then the creativity dried up and I have been in a funk for most of that time since. So my goal has basically always been "get back into writing and have ideas again" and the main thing that got me out of my major funk was playing DND xD Getting to exercise the same creative muscle in a different way was SUPER helpful. I also like. Went on to get my masters degree and become a professional editor and get back into reading and stuff, but DND was the answer xD

For more not-existential situations, like I can't figure out where a story is going, I usually just set it down and let it Marinate. I rely heavily on my own internal story clock and vibe checks to write (which is like. not something I recommend? xD but here we are) so I just kind of wait and vibe and mull until the Feelings are right. This is an unhelpful answer but it's the one I've got xD

41. Do you tend to reread fics or are you a one-and-done kind of person?

I absolutely reread fics xD I reread fics all the time. Also long covid borked my memory so now I have to reread my own fics 4029748 times if I want to remember all the details.

57. Do you prefer editing as you write, or waiting until it’s finished?

I...have a lot of opinions on this xD Due to being an editor by day, I try to live by the philosophy that I give clients, which is "only edit as much as does not keep you from writing." So I will go over what I've written and tinker a bit but I don't make any major edits while writing, CAVEAT unless it's a major change like adding/removing a character where I can't bring myself to write until it's fixed, and then I will fix it x] I will say this mostly applies to original fiction, bc with fanfiction, I don't like making major structural edits and will usually just try to incorporate any plot I lay down xDDD And I used to just finish and post immediately but now I like to have at least a day to go over what I've written and tinker/edit, but I REALLY prefer to have a long backlog so that I can make larger adjustments if necessary. ANYWAY the main goal is not to get stuck in editing purgatory xD

[mrsq8geek]

Ramadan Challenge 2024, Day 1

What are your goals this Ramadan? Possible suggestions: 1 habit to build, 1 habit to break, and one accomplishment you hope to gain!

It's early on the first day as I write this, my suhoor hasn't even digested yet.  I wish I had a nice answer for this question, but the fact is I'm just trying to survive it in one piece.  Ramadan this year falls in a somewhat difficult time for my family where we can't afford, well, time.  It's wishful thinking to assume our schedule will allow for any additional thing when we're already living in half-hour chunks from the moment we wake up to the moment we fall asleep.

That being said, I do have goals! They're just not what you'd expect, like trying to do a khatma.  That's unlikely.  Instead, besides just trying to survive, I'm really hoping that the schedule change during Ramadan allows me to implement any one of the changes I'm trying to do anyway.

1. Be more mindful when I read Quran (even 5 minutes of mindfulness is better for me than 20 minutes of blind reading).

2. Be more consistent in my son's education at home (30-40 minutes skills work before school isn't that much time per day but it'll have a huge impact over time!).

3. Carve out time in the day for my physical health (even if you manage 5-10 minutes of walking before or after futoor, it's something!).

4. Do better at housekeeping this mess (~1-2 hours regularly or daily beats 4 hours once or twice a week).

5. Dedicate time to support husband's Ramadan goals (sitting with him for 15 minutes to keep him on track is still more than letting him rely on his poor executive functioning skills).

6. Tackle the backlog.  There's always a backlog, but right now a few items that have been left undone too long are having consequences, especially the things affecting my health and my family.

7. Mental health.  The way I've been letting it decline hasn't been helping anyone. It's hard work to sit with your demons, but it's Ramadan, so they're all chained up!

8. Bite the bullet around well-meaning but ultimately tactless family and/or friends. Socializing is difficult.

I wish I had time to do all of them, but getting even one or two going would be nice.

They're mostly the kinds of goals that are stepping stones on the way to more luxurious, privileged goals like having the time, health, and resources to attend taraweeh daily.  Maybe in another year or two, inshallah we'll see easier Ramadans.

There is nothing more I can do for our brothers and sisters in Palestine than what I'm already doing.  If nothing else, put in a daily click.

Oh, and I really like this goal setting sheet from this year.

Day 2

[cgogs]

Hiiii! Im binging Scream Eureka right now, and I am obsessed.

One of the first dynamics I found compelling when I entered the DSMP fandom was Sam and Dream. It’s fascinating to me: how Dream commissioned Sam to build the prison, how he trusted Sam to take care of him in the prison, how he relied on Sam for food, how Sam feared Dream but basically owned him. And with the Quackity torture that Sam willingly allowed? Chef’s kiss.

Sadly though, i couldn’t find anyone initially interested in the pairing, so I just went with other, more common dynamics (like c!drunz and c!dnf)

But as I was re-reading Oxeye Daisy again (I’m not sorry), i decided to check your backlog, only to discover you wrote a c!awesamdream fic.

I’m only on chapter three, but this has easily reached the same level of intensity of Oxeye Daisy, if not more. A story about a warden and a prisoner somehow falling in love, and it being somewhat heathy??? Not only to mention that they are married and expecting a kid??? Only you could manage to make such an insane plot turn into a beautiful story on forgiveness and moving on.

I already knew how well you wrote Dream from Oxeye Daisy, but it hit me all over again with this fic. The way you write his trauma always fascinated me: you somehow manage to capture the sheer horror and agony of the prison AND make it palpable for the audience to read. Often times I find gory scenes too surreal to capture the gravity of the situation, but reading the Quackity torture scenes chills me to my bones every single time.

Furthermore, the way you capture Dream’s paranoia and hysteria? Absolutely breathtaking. I know logically that Quackity isn’t there, that Dream isn’t wearing the jumpsuit, that Dream isn’t in that basement, but I still find myself doubting that because Dream is so sure of those hallucinations that I, the reader, almost believe it too. It’s just such damn impressive writing.

And Sam. God, Sam. It’s hard to write an abusers who’s changed. How do you justify the actions of the past? How do you make very good thing seem good when the shadows of the past still linger? It’s an extremely hard question to tackle, but you take that challenge with Sam in this fic. You show his hesitance toward the initial sexual arrangement. You show the love he has for Dream. You show how his duties as a Warden (keeping Dream alive) translate into his duty as his husband (keeping Dream happy). You don’t justify his actions, but you also don’t damn him for it. You humanize him. You make us want this relationship to work.

I still have many questions: is this the same universe as Oxeye Daisy, what was the turning point for Sam and Dream, how did they get to this town? But, I’ll guess I’ll just have to read.

Thank you, once again, for your words. I always treasure them.

Sincerely,

Reina

Long comments like this mwan everything to me where do i even begin

I know what you mesn when you talk about how their relationship makes uou feel because i felt much of the same. Wanting dream to be happy means kind of hoping for the best with the lot hes been given despite the horrific history. But theres always that looming realism that hes never really gonna get what he wants and what has has is, also, horrific. And then theres kind of rooting for sam whos changed but too little too late

Im glad that im.able to portray this through writing ive been nervous im not hitting the beats!

[loquaciousquark]

domesticity meme!!! 13 & 37

37. what would they do if the other one was hurt?

Ohhhhhh heavens! Let me dig into the ...how many words do I have on AO3 right now? WHAAAAAAT LET ME DIG INTO MY APPARENTLY 1,184,730 WORDS when in the world did I break that million word marker!! Oh--probably with the backlog I posted from early FF.net days--though now that I think about that, that's probably not more than 80k words. Incredible!

Anyway. The answer is they fucking hover. Both of them, clingy as limpets. Hawke hovers and tells bad jokes; Fenris hovers and gets mad. They're both protective to a fault--and I mean that, it's really not healthy for either of them. Fortunately, they don't get hurt much, and when they do they mostly heal quickly. At least the way I hurt them, anyway. Mostly.

Part of the problem is Hawke's determination to prevent pain for all others by taking all of it herself. She's the richest, the most socially powerful, the one apostate beyond Meredith's reach; if anyone poorer or weaker or shabbier than her gets hurt in any way, that means she, personally, failed to protect them and balance out the pain scales. Is that healthy? No! Is that going to make anyone else happy to avoid that pain? No! Does that matter? No!

So in contrast, Fenris's "keep your head down, protect yourself first" attitude provides some of that necessary counterbalancing. Also, if Hawke getting hurt would cause Fenris pain, it's no longer a perfect preferable option, so she can't default to that as her first response anymore.

Is this healthy growth? Ehhh, close enough.

13. favorite sexual activity?

Under the cut, just in case!

Also, fair warning: going to discuss Danarius pretty frankly here. That said, I think they're both reasonably adventurous! Hawke only had one long-term partner in Lothering and a few stolen kisses during the Meeran year before Fenris shows up, so I don't think she's nearly as experienced as Fenris is. I think she'd enjoy anything that prolongs the experience of the intimacy (edging) or relies heavily on intimate trust (light bondage, blindfolding). She also unashamedly loves being the center of attention and is perfectly happy to entertain herself while Fenris watches.

She doesn't get a lot out of spanking/flogging and would not find giving up all of her control a pleasurable experience, not just because of her personality, but because as a mage losing control of herself is possibly her most fundamental horror. I don't think she could ever let go in a sexual context (especially to a non-mage who will never really understand that struggle) without breaking part of her mind in the process. She's also completely incapable of taking a roleplay scene seriously, though I'm sure she'd try if Fenris asked.

That said, anything that Fenris likes is very, very high on her list. She very seriously wants him to enjoy everything they do, preferably with very little pain involved, and I think in the early reunion days she's almost overly focused on him to the point it makes him uncomfortable. Still, she's got enough natural selfishness that doesn't last overly long, and they find a pleasant equilibrium soon enough.

Fenris is so much trickier. I have some extremely complicated headcanons about whether the things he likes are things that Danarius trained him to like vs. his own natural preference and his struggles to figure out if that matters over the years, and I definitely think that extends to his sexual preferences. I think at the start with Hawke he's deathly afraid of bringing in anything he ever did with Danarius (because if Danarius enjoyed it, what kind of monster would it make him if he has some of those fantasies too? If he gets pleasure out of the same act Danarius did, is that not poisoning Hawke in the same way Danarius poisoned him?).

And the thing is, I don't think the things that interest him are even necessarily that exotic! I think he likes being pegged so long as he can see Hawke the whole time; I think he likes very mild D/s (both sides); I think he likes giving oral. I think he knows he's incredibly good at it on both men and women (see again: my beliefs about how Danarius deployed his abilities), and I think he finds tremendously empowering pleasure in applying these skills in a way he has chosen for himself, on a person he cares about, rather than on some object of his master as part of a dispassionate political manipulation. I think Fenris also knows he is very, very good at this in general and likes having that honed skill recognized by his partner; that it's someone he loves and who loves him is a new bonus layer to the experience. I even think he'd be okay with light binding eventually, though neither of them is ever going to be interested in shibari or anything like that. Still, it takes a long time to get him to even begin opening up about some of this stuff, even with Hawke.

I do think he has a major praise kink, on that topic. But God, it has to be done such a specific way to ring true for me; for me, the idea of Hawke calling him any nicknames which infantilize him or force shame is just an instant hard stop brick wall. Any banter, nickname or otherwise, anything that implies shameful inexperience (or shameful EXperience), lack of control, extreme youth/naivete, or otherwise undermines his dignity and pride, is just--ugh, please no. (I read a fic once where he was called "baby boy" for most of it and I just couldn't get over how much it made my skin crawl. It may work for other Hawkes & Fenrises, but man, not for mine.) He's scraped his pride out of absolutely nothing and for many years it was literally the only thing of worth he had, and even in play I don't think Hawke could stand to see him humiliated. On that note, I think Danarius used to call him "my dear," and Hawke never calls him that as a result. Pretty much other pet name is on the docket, though.

Other than that, I think Fenris also just gets a kick out of sex where he gets to enjoy himself. His control is immaculate and I think he likes exploiting that against Hawke; I think knowing he's going to for sure have a good time at the end regardless makes him more interested in holding out as long as possible some nights.

I do think Hawke has a marginally higher sex drive than Fenris, but again, she's perfectly happy to take care of herself when Fenris is either out or not in the mood. Thankfully, he's also completely okay with this.

[boundinparchment]

Hii I really love your works and the way you write it's literally so addicting, I can't get enough of the way you characterized dottore!! you did an amazing job

Also, if you're ok with it, would you mind sharing a bit about your own process of writing/give some advice? I have my own story and ideas but I just have a difficult time putting the whole thing into words, idk why

If not that's totally fine, I hope you take care of yourself and have an amazing day/night<3

I try to stick to as much canon characterization as possible, however little of it we have. I’m glad you’re enjoying so far and I hope I’m able to keep the good doctor in check as far as his personality!

I’m no professional, that’s for sure, but:

Write when you can, as much as you can. Some people prefer to work in chronological order, others hop around, but it’s important to establish it as a habit in general. I find that once it’s part of my day, it’s a little easier to start throughout the week. Do you only write 100 words? Okay, that’s progress! Did you write 2,000? Yay, also progress! (I follow this when I can; right now, I’m a bit off the rails of my routine in an attempt to find gym time).

Usually, if I can’t get started, I’ll just start writing the scene that comes to mind, even if it’s shit and not where i am in the story. It gets the concept out and makes it a little more tangible to work with. It also just straight up helps you start because your brain is already there. Everything is a draft to be edited and revised, it will never feel perfect the first time. It shouldn’t.

Prompts can be helpful if that doesn’t work. I personally only use them for specific purposes but that’s what they exist for. They’re springboards to help get you going.

Having friends or acquaintances online or IRL who write can also be a huge help. It can be motivating to see other people working on fics, and sometimes ideas have to be bounced around outside of your own head to get them to cooperate.

If you intend to share a fic, at the very least have a backlog if the fic isn’t completed. I do not recommend posting as you go unless the method works for you. It can be a one-way ticket to not seeing stories through (speaking from experience there!)

Oh, and read! Do audiobooks, physical, ebooks, whatever, but r e a d. Find books and authors you enjoy, and read whenever you can. It’s tempting to rely on fanfic for this. I recommend not doing so, or at least balancing it out with published books.

Read fanfic by all means, but don’t necessarily use it as your single source of written entertainment.

With fanfiction, headcanons or certain approaches get picked up by others and continued on outside of an author’s sphere, and eventually end up as fanon, as beloved or even completely replacing the canon characterization. Tropes get used and reused, as is their purpose. Fanfiction is a hobby, so everyone does their own thing, and it’s fun, but with few exceptions, it kind of just helps target commonalities and how to continue them or put a slight twist on them.

Published books will provide an idea of structure, pacing, character building and development, world building, etc. They’re completed works that underwent revisions and had a particular vision in mind. If you don’t know where to start, ask a librarian or a bookseller at a local bookstore (basically, ask a person, where you can have a conversation, rather than relying on an algorithm or a list. BookTok is garbage imo, do not rely on it.)

[ashacadence]

Just blogging my socials here too. Dunno what the next big trend will be and it’ll be exhausting for some sites to keep up with. It’s all crazy right now.

Deviantart I have stored all my images because of the AI thing. Honestly even if they have changed the default for images we create to be auto permitted to AI whatever I have been slowly crawling away from the site anyways. It’s not what it used to be. Also just the user interface is annoying. I’m just tired of it. I’ll have it but I’m not going to maintain a lot of it anymore I don’t think.

Twitter, I have no damn clue. I literally have no clue what is going to happen with this dumpster fire of a site. It’s got issues and then more issues yet it’s been a popular platform because of the whole tumblrpocalypse back a few years ago. So uhhhhh ya.

Furaffinity, I’m honestly just ready to move on from it. I have nothing against it or furries. It’s just not what I want to be seen as or associated or adjacent of being a furry when I’m not. I have done so many commissions. Most was furry related and over time it’s just kind of been my own personal downfall to where I have hardly anything that’s me out there or what makes me, me. So I’m not pointing or blaming anyone but myself and just also due to life circumstances I have been nothing but grateful to the work I was able to do to get thru everything thanks to that site. I’m at point where I don’t need to rely so much on comms and I need to focus on myself and what art I want to do. So thanks for being there and getting me thru a lot of the crap back then and sort of still now too. I just need to spread my wings and reshape myself.

Tumblr I’m not sure yet how active I wanna be on here if nothing else pans out. It’s hard to get a following unless you do like fanart I feel like to gain traction it seems. Dunno yet.

Pillowfort seems to be the new tumble but not sure if I wanna join.

Inkblot I just opened and I heard it’s still early in dev but like passable and it looks very promising. It’s just some bumps of user interface I have yet to explore and compare to others.

Instagram is whatever. Everyone knows it’s a dump of a site for backlog tik toks or snaps or art thieves and some backlog for some artists just to have a footprint on another checklist site to have.

ArtStation I feel like I’m waaaaay out of my league on there but once I build myself up better I will make it better.

But ya thats my thoughts and me just updating.

[veliseraptor]

Hi, lise...If you don't mind, can I ask, what are your favorite yunmeng shuangjie scenes/moments? And why? Sorry if you've answered this question before....

hoo boy okay I hope you’re ready for long because I’m constitutionally incapable of answering these kinds of questions without going hard. which is why it takes me so long and that’s why I have a backlog of 5 million inbox messages but what e v e r

I limited myself to five here because if I didn’t I’d just start listing every scene they interact in, and nobody wants that. or, well, I don’t want that, I’d lose a lot of time that way.

putting this under a cut because...yeah. long.

1. the original Yunmeng Shuangjie conversation in episode 14.

like! augh.  I’m not sure that this was the place where I was officially painfully ridiculously sold on their relationship as my favorite part of the show so far but it was a major contributing factor. There’s just so much going on here! In the way that it speaks to their history together, and in their family, and the roles they play.

I love, too, that Wei Wuxian specifically goes “twin jades? pfff. we’ve got our own thing going on that’s just as cool” because it’s doing double duty of making them a special thing in their own right and also, maybe even more importantly, reaffirming their bond as primary where Jiang Cheng at this point has been...well, a little uneasy about the space Lan Wangji has started to occupy in Wei Wuxian’s life. To say the least.

But maybe even most of all why this is such a gut punch for me personally: the promise Wei Wuxian is making to Jiang Cheng is one that you, the viewer, know isn’t going to work out. Thanks to the opening of episode one, and their interaction in episode two, it’s abundantly clear that something is going to go horribly wrong, and this close relationship is going to break, catastrophically.

And me being me I love the piquant taste of dramatic irony in the morning.

2. the argument in episode 27-28.

This is one of those moments where I never fail to get extremely emotional about it every time I watch this scene because it is so very ouch. The way that Jiang Cheng approaches Wei Wuxian with this guarded wariness, this prickliness and doubt, and how that breaks by the end into his desperate plea: “if you continue to protect them, then I can’t protect you!”

(different subtitles, so sue me.)

and I cry.

I’ve written before about how there’s...so much going on here. To break it down a little bit how about a bulleted list:

Jiang Cheng has been personal witness to - and personal target off - the current political winds, in a way that Wei Wuxian is not. He’s seeing and hearing how the cultivation world is talking about Wei Wuxian. He can see the way the wind is blowing very, very clearly, and what he sees is that Wei Wuxian is doomed if he stays the course - something Wei Wuxian either doesn’t or doesn’t want to see.

Jiang Cheng desperately wants Wei Wuxian to come home. Wei Wuxian can’t without abandoning the people relying on him, which would be both an ethical and emotional violation for him. His conflicting loyalties are coming to a head here but he still wants to have it both ways.

What Wei Wuxian sees as a mercy or releasing of obligation, a way of keeping Yunmeng Jiang and specifically Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli safe, Jiang Cheng sees as an abandonment/rejection - an affirmation that he, once again, just doesn’t matter enough.

It’s just...I cannot get over how clear-eyed Jiang Cheng’s assessment is. Whether or not you agree with his choices, he’s right, on a factual level. And I think Wei Wuxian knows that. But he’s on this road and he’s going to see it through, and he refuses to accept that he might not be able to. 

and I just. I cry.

3. the conversation post resurrection.

Jiang Cheng cornering Wei Wuxian with the very animal he swore to always protect him from! party foul, yes, but also oh boy psychologically crunchy in every way. This confrontation, their first after Wei Wuxian’s resurrection where they both know and know they know the truth of who Wei Wuxian is, is so full of pain and hurt and anger.

it’s just! so much. Jiang Cheng’s see-sawing back and forth between “why didn’t you come back home!!!” (the question he’s always had) and “why aren’t you still dead!!!” Wei Wuxian murmuring about wanting to go back to Lotus Pier, calling for Jiang Yanli (Jiang Yanli, the biggest wound between them, her absence so very palpable in that moment).

There’s so much both of them want here, and so much that’s not being said, and can’t be said. The overwhelming pressure of their history - Jiang Cheng’s sixteen years of grief and anger raw all over again, and Wei Wuxian's exhaustion and misery.

it’s excruciatingly painful and I love it.

4. the conversation in Guanyin Temple.

so I spent, like, most of the latter half of the show waiting for a moment between Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng where things would break and I’d get the emotional sibling catharsis feelings that I needed and boy did this deliver. like! other people have written far more coherent meta about this scene than I probably ever could because when I think about it I’m just sort of reduced to dragging my hands down my face and making distressed noises punctuated with wild gestures and cries of “THEM!!!”

the crying! the ugly crying, the ugly emotions, the big secret between them that set off the beginning of the rift in their relationship laid bare. it’s this moment of naked emotional vulnerability for both of them, and while it doesn’t resolve things, while it leaves them both in a place, I think, where they’re prone to go ‘well, he’s done with me now’ - it also opens a door where that doesn’t have to be the case. Wei Wuxian’s tenderness. The gesture he makes here, too, touching Jiang Cheng’s face, echoes the gesture Jiang Yanli makes touching Wei Wuxian’s just before she dies.

(echoes what jiang fengmian does before he goes off to die. how’s that for pain?)

it’s just. wild gestures. them. oh, boys. so much hurt, so much pain, and at the root of it so much goddamn love.

I’m going to go on and slide in here additionally the moment where Jiang Cheng tosses Wei Wuxian Chenqing because boy does that say a lot in a relatively simple gesture.

5. meeting in Yiling with Jiang Yanli.

This scene is...I described it from Jiang Cheng’s POV remembering in a fic as "like looking at children in the path of a rockslide, unaware of what was bearing down on them, such a short time away. Oblivious.” and that’s how I feel watching it. It’s so cute, and sweet, and Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian love Jiang Yanli so much, and Jiang Cheng has suggested Jiang Yanli ask Wei Wuxian to give his unborn nephew his courtesy name and then gets embarrassed when she outs him about it, he and Wei Wuxian tease each other.

I love it. There’s just this sweetness and happiness that they’re having, in this moment, in this tiny courtyard,  because this little separate hidden place is the only place, now, where they can be together, where they can be family as they once were.

And it’s not going to last. And the viewer, once again, can feel the gathering storm bearing down on them, and know it’s only going to end in tragedy.

This is the last time they see each other before it all goes wrong.

BONUS:

[numberoneduelist]

It’s late - later than expected. Seto glances at the clock sitting in the bottom right corner of his screen. 

02:14. 

“Eugh.” 

He pinches the bridge of his nose, eyebrows furrowing. He hadn’t meant to work so long. He wanted to get home and maybe spend a little time reading some articles he’d been putting off for the last week. If he doesn’t get around to it soon, he’s going to have a backlog.

But time had slipped away far more quickly than anticipated. This happens... more often than he’d like. Running a business is one thing, but running the Kaiba Corporation? A whole different world of difficulty. It’s never-ending.

He hits send on his last email and finally closes his laptop for the night. With it, his eyes also shut. They ache a little, tired from staring at such a bright light with the rest of the room so dark. He’d forgotten to turn the overhead lights on when the sun set, apparently, and the moon gave some illumination - but not quite enough.

With a sigh, he pushes himself out of his seat, then grabs his jacket and throws it over his shoulders. He slides his computer into his briefcase and closes it all up before exiting the room. The halls are empty as he makes his way to the exit, save for two security guards at the front desk.

As he passes, they wave and greet him, wish him a good night. He nods in response before the doors slide open and he steps outside. The cool air hits him like a wall, and a shiver gets him before he can stop it. It’s not quite cold enough for gloves, though, which is nice.

The streets are lit in neon as he strolls down the sidewalk towards home. He could call a car, sure, but why bother? In the time it would take for them to get here, he’s halfway there.

His residence is just as barren as HQ when he arrives. This is no surprise; he doesn’t keep pets because of his schedule, and the only other people that have come by in a long time are Mokuba and Isono. This suits him just fine most days - he doesn’t see a point in having guests most of the time. Entertainment? He has hobbies. Social interaction? He talks with his employees. Fulfilment and happiness?

Well. Normally, he’d consider it weak. He’d prefer not to be tied to other people because they’re messy; he doesn’t have time to worry about their feelings. But right now, as he locks the door, hangs his coat, and heads into his bedroom to start peeling himself out of his clothes in the dark... He’s kind of... Lonely.

It’s an emotion that is not entirely foreign to him, but he’s usually able to squash it. He just has to reaffirm that he can’t rely on others to get what he needs. Tonight, no matter how many times he thinks it, it seems hollow.

He brushes his teeth in silence. He climbs into bed quietly. He stares at his ceiling. Still, it remains.

Maybe he should get a cat.

[eridanidreams]

Fic Writer Interview

Tagged by @trulycertain

I've never done one of these before, so be kind... snerks

Name: EridaniDreams ("Dreams of what?" "All sorts of things!")

Fandoms (that I write for): Deus Ex (Jensen era). Some Mass Effect. Star Trek, waaaaay back in the day.

Two-Shot: Probably Improvise, Adapt, Overcome, a bit of Aria/Adam romantic fluff. Second chapter's still in progress, but I do work on it when the muse hits me.

Most popular multi-chapter: My only multi-chapter (at the moment, until Mass Effect: Human Resolution goes online, that is... watch this space for developments!) is The Odysseus Gambit. Set before, during, and after Mankind Divided, it's a cyberpunk thriller/romance, the spawn of a couple of what-ifs that hit me like a juggernaut and demanded to be written. Currently at five chapters posted, eight chapters written. Chapter revisions are being posted weekly on AO3 as of last week, and final betas here on Tumblr as I write them.

Actual worst part of writing: Keeping track of all the little details. I used to get annoyed as a reader when I'd be reading the second book in the fourth trilogy in a world the writer had been working in for about a decade, and the writer got some little thing wrong that I, of course, remembered, having read the previous book in the past several weeks, and I'd think, "How hard is it to keep a bible?" Yeah. I don't think that anymore. I have a bible (thank you, Trello!) and it still isn't enough, I'm often referring back to previous chapters to make sure what I refer to in chapter 23 really did happen that way in chapter 6. And my sincere apologies to all the writers I mentally slandered along the way.

Actual worst part of writing, part II: My husband, coming along and randomly saying "WAT" while bugging his eyes out to resemble actual googly eyes. Yes, this is a thing that happens.

Actual worst part of writing, part III: My husband, coming along and randomly spouting out an idea that makes everything I'm writing better, but also requires me to rewrite several thousand words and replot large chunks. Dammit. (This is kind of the "worse, or better?" worst.)

How you choose your titles: With great difficulty. I tried the 'thematic song lyric' thing with the Odysseus Gambit chapters, and it just stopped working after awhile, so I nixxed it. In general, I want something that captures the feel of the story--for Odysseus Gambit, I wanted something that had sort of a Ludlum/MacLean/Le Carré feel. (I have at least three more books planned for after OG, and titles for two of them: The Janus Duplicity and The Majestic Insurrection.) Sometimes they rise organically from a character--Improvise, Adapt, Overcome was the only thing I could name a story about a former Marine getting her man. And sometimes they just write themselves in the middle of a story, like my X-rated Disciplinary Action. (My first prompt-fill, my first smut, my first slash, my first writing live-blog, and my first post to AO3. It was a lot of firsts.)

Do you outline: For short stories, I tend to be a pantser--I just let the story carry me where it wants to go. For long-form... I started out a pantser, and after throwing out enough words to fill a novella, realized that I had to at least have some idea of where I was going. Now I outline. Hoo boy do I outline. i also usually have three or four chapters actively in progress at any given time: the chapter right after the last one published/finished, and two or three future chapters that may be thematically similar or entirely different.

Why god why would you do that? Because a lot of times, something crops up in a future chapter that's relevant to the current chapter, or it relies on something that has to happen in the current chapter. It's how my brain works; I've tried forcing it into a strictly chapter-by-chapter writing mode, and that just gives me writer's block. Unfortunately, it's also hell on a regular posting schedule; I have to get a backlog of chapters written before I can commit to posting. It'd be easier if it weren't fanfic and I could just deliver a finished product.

Ideas I probably won’t get around to but wouldn’t it be nice:

* Deus Ex AU where Adam Jensen becomes the Green Lantern of Sector 2814, and his arms and legs are Lantern-constructs * A post Deus Ex Human Revolution AU where Darrow's signal turns augs into zombies, and things spiral downward from there. Very bleak, and I'm just not in a headspace to write that right now. * Disciplinary Action II Thought about it, but it's self-contained and doesn't need a sequel. * The Mass Effect AU that's a kind of interstitial romance between Pallin and Shepard.

Callouts @ me: I over-write. Oh, god, do I over-write, and then I have to go back and edit out much of the over-writing. Or I under-write, and then I have to go fill it out later. Eventually I get it right! Also, you will pry my semi-colons and my em-dashes out of my cold dead hands.

Best writing traits: I'm very good at making scenes come alive. I have a knack for character voices, I'm good at setting scenes and getting the atmosphere across. I'm also told I'm good at making unlikable or difficult characters relatable--you understand where they're coming from even if you don't agree with them. And dialogue. I'm good at dialogue. All of the above, I think, comes from years of playing in and running TTRPGs.

Spicy tangential opinion: Creation is like magic. There are days I look at the stuff I've written and I wonder how it ever came out of my head and fingers. And I look at the things other people make and I am just amazed. And artists should be paid for their work. Fuck "exposure". People die of exposure.

No pressure tagging: @artemis-crimson, @morikron

[script-a-world]

Before You Ask . . . (A Masterpost)

Compiled by Constablewrites

We here at Script-a-World love answering your questions about world-building! In order for you to get the most relevant, helpful answers for your situation, we ask that you consider the following before you ask. Some of these might help you figure out what you need on your own, and some will help you get a more useful answer from us. (Also, remember that we have a Google form here [https://forms.gle/tddy6wPFx5HKjVF37] if your question doesn’t fit in the ask box.)

Have you Googled it? If you’re looking for specific factual information, or if all you need is a very broad overview on the topic, you can probably find that on your own fairly easily. “Introduction to [topic]” or “[topic] basics” are good places to start. (Here’s an article about how to get more out of your searches: http://www.lifehack.org/articles/technology/20-tips-use-google-search-efficiently.html) Reaching out to experts, whether it’s us or someone else, should be about getting particular nuance or figuring out how things intersect.

Have we already answered it? We’ve built up a fair backlog, so if you go back through our posts you might find that we’ve discussed a similar topic, or one that’s close enough to get you thinking or exploring further resources. Our Wordpress mirror has [a page linking to our master posts], and also has a much more reliable search function than Tumblr.

What medium are you working in? And what’s the scope of your story? World building for something like a game can be a very different beast to world building for a novel, and meshing your ideas with an existing setting might require a different approach than creating something original. You also want to think about the scope--the amount of time you’re covering and the number of people involved. If your story takes place entirely in one night, you probably don’t need to write a new calendar. On that note…

How does this idea impact your story? Some of the most effective world building comes from showing how the characters move through their world, what they think and feel about it, how it changes them and is changed by them. Thinking through how your particular idea impacts your characters can help you determine the level of detail you need to figure out. Sometimes broad strokes are sufficient for something that will only ever be in the background, and some ideas never end up being relevant to a particular story at all.

Is there a real-world analogue? For things like city planning, resource usage, religious structures, and so on, it can be very useful to consider how these things play out in our world. You can make yours a reflection of something specific in history (like how the Grisha trilogy by Leigh Bardugo is fantasy Russia), or you can draw on patterns and commonalities.

Have you seen something similar done before? There’s nothing new under the sun, after all. If you want to build a kind of world that feels like something you’ve seen or read, go back to that source and really pick it apart. How do they bring you into their world? What details do they rely on, and how are they deployed? One of the best things you can do as a writer is learn to consume mindfully, so when a story does something you like (or don’t like) you can start to see the underlying mechanics.

Can you be more specific? We’re not going to be able to answer a question along the lines of “How do I build a magic system?” It’s just too broad, and the directions we take it might not be all that interesting or useful to you. Think about what you’re hoping to get from us, and provide the details that relate to that. So if you’re asking a question about agriculture in your capital city, we probably don’t need to know what sort of education your main character has or what the bad guy is trying to do, but we would need to get a rough idea of the climate and technology level. Specifics can lead to more specifics, so if you start narrowing things down, the other elements you need often start coming into focus as you tie those details to your characters and plot. (For instance, if you know your character is a sailor you might get lost in all kinds of nautical rabbit holes. But if you decide that your character is apprenticed to a weather mage on the crew of a small ship, then you can start working out what about the world, its magic, and the character’s life got them to that point.)

And if what you want from us is just a way to figure out how to tell your story… Well, we can’t do that for you. That’s the unique part that you’re bringing to the table. So much of this comes down to execution--the only way to tell if it’s going to work is to try it and see, then to refine and strengthen it as you revise. Along those lines…

Are you prepared to do the research yourself? Just like we can’t write your story for you, we can’t cover every specific detail or nuance you might need. We’re volunteer smart people, not professional research assistants. What we can do is give you some basic information and vocabulary so you can ask the right questions, point you to resources, and give you a plausibility check on your concept in a very general way. It’s up to you to take it from there.

Can you boil it down to one or two questions? Answering just a single question can often require a fairly long answer to cover properly. So if you’re throwing in a dozen different questions about your concept, you’re either going to get cursory answers to all of them, or proper answers to whichever ones we glom onto in the course of our internal discussion. Figure out the point that you care most about or the thing you’re least equipped to answer on your own, and focus there. We’re happy to field a follow-up question or two. More than that, however, starts to edge into the territory of...

Are you just asking for permission to write the thing? If so, consider it granted. So much of writing and storytelling comes down to execution, so we can’t ultimately tell you at the conceptual level if it’s going to work or not. Even when something seems like a flat-out no, a skilled writer could probably pull it off. The only way to find out if you have that skill is to give it a shot, then evaluate the results. (You can always try writing just a scene or short story if you’re not ready to commit to something longer.) Even if you don’t like the way it turned out, words are never wasted--it all helps you refine your skills and style, and sometimes a failed idea can be the seed of something better.

After all this, are you still not sure if you should ask or not? Go ahead and ask! You’re not gonna get yelled at for doing it wrong. This is about helping us provide you with the most useful information, and about giving you the tools to empower your own research. We’d rather have you ask than not--just be aware that if we can’t answer, we can’t answer.

___

So now you’re ready to submit your ask! As noted above, if it’s too long for the ask box, please use our Google form [linked here].

[vgm-in-irregular-time-of-the-day]

DAY 1850) Tron 2.0 - Credits Medley

Composer: Nathan Grigg, Wendy Carlos

Given that this is a medley; there’s lots of timesig changes but they’re more like unrelated sections from each other, often totally fading in/out or with ambiguous pauses, so I’ll just talk about each section separately.

0:00 - 1:29 is all just 4/4, frantic drums, crazy synth sound design, but no odd time really for this section.

1:29 - 1:44 i’m counting as triplets in mixed meter: 4/4, 4/4, 5/4, 5/4, 6/4, 5/4, 4/4. if you were to count those as 8ths instead of triplets it’d be more like 12/8, 12/8, 15/8, 15/8, 18/8, 15/8, 12/8 (replace the 8s with 16s if you’re going to be weird like me and count them as 16ths if you find x/16 more natural to think about for some reason) !

1:46 - 2:17 is polymetric! The syncopated bell-like synth ostinato is in 7/8, but the slower synth hits and most everything else behind it really are in 6/4. For a short bit before 2:17 I guess there’s some 5/8 polymeter in one of the synth layers also. Some other more ambiguous stuff you might be able to interpret as even further layers of polymeter but the point is like, yeah this part’s lots of layers looping in different loop lengths from each other on top of each other!

2:17 - 3:06′s at a bit faster a tempo than the previous section. Also polymetric but a lot simpler case of it. 4/4 in that metallic bell-like synth rhythm, and 6/4 polymeter in the beeps under it from 2:17 - 2:42

3:06 - 4:03, here it’s 6/4 through most of the parts of this that have enough of a rhythm to latch onto something, which only really happens starting with the echoy drums that come in at 3:31.

4:03 - 4:45 is interesting; this is taken from “FCon/The Root of the Problem (Combat)”, which is one of the tracks I have on my biiiiig queue of possible tracks to eventually post on here but never happened to ever post. I’d count this snippet of it as all 7+8, 15/16, but just being aware that there’s a constant four-on-the-floor “4/4″ kick acting “polymetric” to it from the bits at 4:15 - 4:21 / 4:27 - 4:34.

4:45 - end is all loose, but just 4/4 stuff whenever concretely countable

Hopefully I addressed everything important here! there’s a lot going on in all of these sections, so it wouldn’t surprise me if I missed an obvious polymeter layer or something and just didn’t realize it! Lots of these sections come from other tracks in the game too, so are in a bit different of a context musically from their amalgamation here. Obviously wild tempo changes between each section that i’m not bothering to write out lol

This is a great cross section of the crazy stuff present throughout this ost though, tron 2.0 is totally one of the most odd time/polymeter/etc filled game soundtracks out there. Part of that’s obvious influence from Wendy Carlos’s original score to the 1982 film being much like that (and this game borrowing a lot of the material she wrote), but Nathan Grigg’s style is always full of that kinda thing as well, and he only adds to that intricacy in his original additions to the mix!

For all those reasons I thought this would be a pretty good sort-of-sendoff for this blog i’ve been running for over 5 years...........

....so...

...!

...THE FINAL DAY sort of...! As I said many posts ago (https://vgm-in-irregular-time-of-the-day.tumblr.com/post/623135939348365312/day-1828-shining-force-cd-track-25-composer) [probably a better read than my post right now here today], this will be my final post that’s in the “1 song presented with a text post daily” format; I’ll take a break but I will eventually shift to talking about this again in (most likely) YT video vgm mixes, including other related content besides just the very specific odd timesig stuff in vgm too!

Thank you to everyone who has supported me all this time! ULTRA SPECIAL SHOUT OUT TO CHz who has helped me out with this blog FAR more than anyone could possibly imagine, he’s done far more work than anyone ever needed to do, far beyond my expectations to help me along with this. And he doesn’t get enough credit for that, this blog would’ve probably died a long time ago without chz’s help. Thank you so much CHz for all your assistance! Sharing me things you remember when I’m in desperate need of a new track to post at the last minute, uploading so much music for me, helping me organize so much, writing out timesig charts for me so many times, sharing overwhelmingly huge amounts of odd time vgm with me, probably even more than anyone else. So many other things all these years you’ve helped me with on here, I can’t thank you enough!

That said, thank you to EVERYONE who has shared odd time vgm with me (and this is like, a LOT of people, far too many to list, and i’m sure plenty would be uncomfortable being listed too, so i won’t subject this post to that).

I’m very bad at responding to PMs and other messages sent to me; I apologize greatly if i’ve left you hanging for months...or years...or forever. I’m just bad at that form of communication lol, but I’ve read the majority of what’s been sent and still try to keep as much as possible in my big list backlog of stuff to eventually post. I get excited and happy when I see people linking me new odd time vgm i’ve never heard and stuff like that; so if i’ve never responded or never posted stuff you’ve linked me here, please know that I actually do appreciate it even if i might not show it haha. I’ve honestly mostly only maintained this blog pretty sporadically and rely heavily on queuing everything in advance on occasion, rather than constant observation of it.

Once i shift to the new format of presentation i’ll still include the suggestions that’ve been linked to me, and stuff. I’ll maybe try to be more communicative in the future now that i’m not going to be bogged down by the load of keeping a constant daily stream of these posts. (though i probably won’t be paying too much attention to tumblr for a while during my break from doing this stuff)

thank you to everyone for every positive comment, every intent to help by sharing, and just...general inquisitiveness and enthusiasm about this THING i’m doing for no reason! This is all literally just me nerding out about my favorite combination of niche subjects together “proggy/mathy/etc music” and “video game music” at the same time as each other. I never expected this would get anything close to the following it’s gotten, but now occasionally it’ll get pointed out that this blog is me in some group i’m in or something and 5 people will be like “WAIT...that’s YOU?! I’ve been watching that blog for years!” or something; like i’m really startled by how many people follow this sometimes lol.

Really thankful for everyone showing interest in me just being me, having fun talking about things i like in music. I hope that can continue even if i’ll be changing what I talk about and how I talk about it!

It might be quite a while before I return to doing this kind of thing again, and it’ll definitely be a much less constant pace, but I think that trade-off be worth it. I’ll return to making posts here again when I finally have new stuff to post, big video mixes with animated visual transcriptions or WHATever i wind up doing (probably a new dedicated youtube channel for the new stuff too) and stuff! I’ll find out what that will be when I get there

Thank you all for everything!

THank you!

WOW

THANKJ YOU for all 5 years of this website being a fun place to post music i like inside of

BYE

OH WAIt here’s my twitter/soundcloud/etc links and stuff if you want to contact me in a place i’ll be far more attentive to than tumblr, since i won’t be paying attention to here for a while:

https://twitter.com/chimeratio_

https://soundcloud.com/chimeratio

ok now ACTUALLY BYE

THANK YOUI

(thank you part 2)

[quickspinner]

Finding Harmony - Ch 1 The Key of M

This story is complete on AO3

Season 3 was still coming out when I wrote this one, but it’s still probably my favorite of my works so far, so I hope you enjoy it. This is part of my ongoing effort to get my AO3 works posted to tumblr; you can filter the tag ‘backlog’ if you’d rather not see them.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7

Summary: Before any note can harmonize with another, it has to be on pitch. When Luka agrees to work with Marinette on a design project, he's happy to see that she's started making some changes for her own happiness. “It’s like you’re tuning your strings right now. You started out a little flat, and then you tuned too sharp. So now you're working back towards your true pitch." As she gets closer to striking her true note, he can't help but think how beautiful they sound together. He wishes she could hear it too.

“Marinette wants your body.”

Luka nearly swallowed the guitar pick he had clamped between his lips. He made a muffled sound and dropped the sheet music he’d been trying to arrange so he could whip the pick out of his mouth to demand, “What did you say?” He moved his guitar off his lap and turned to hang his legs off the edge of the bed so he could face his sister as she crossed from the door towards her end of the cabin.

“Finally,” Juleka smirked. “I’ve called your name three times. Marinette’s been trying to call you for like an hour.” 

“What?” Luka frowned and shuffled around on his bed, finally finding his phone half-buried under his pillow. Sure enough, he had a bunch of missed notifications. “Oops,” he muttered.

“I just got back from her place,” Juleka told him, sitting sideways in her vanity chair to face him. “She’s got an idea that she’s all fired up on and she’s wondering if you’d be willing to model with me for it.”

“You know I’d do anything for you, Jul,” he said almost automatically.

Juleka smirked. “I know you’d do anything for Marinette.”

Luka smiled ruefully. “Yeah, that too.”

��Sap.” 

“Like you can talk. I’m gonna go call her back now.” He stood up and walked out to the deck.

Marinette picked up on the first ring with a delighted “Luka!” that made his heart skip a bit. 

“Hey, Marinette, sorry I missed your messages, I was kinda in the zone and I wasn’t paying attention to my phone. Juleka just told me you were trying to reach me.”

“No problem, I understand, I’ve been there! I’m sorry I interrupted, though, I guess this could have waited, it’s just I was excited and you know I’m a planner and—”

“Breathe, Marinette, it’s fine.” He smiled, leaning on the rail of the boat. “What do you need?”

“Well, you know I felt really bad about that whole Reflekdoll thing a while back—”

“That wasn’t your fault.”

“I know, but—“ Marinette sighed. “Well, never mind about that. I still feel bad for Juleka and now that I know she wants to model I started thinking about what would look good on her, because you know the suit before was cute all but it didn’t really scream Juleka, and so I started messing around with some designs, more of my edgy stuff, you know, the kind of thing I do for Jagged Stone and Kitty Section, and the more I thought about it the more excited I got and I think I have some really cool concepts—”

“Breathe, Marinette,” he repeated, grinning. 

“Right. Sorry. Anyway um I guess designing for Juleka kind of got me thinking about you, and I have some things in mind that I think would look really good on you and I was wondering if you would mind taking some pictures with Juleka when the pieces are done? What do you think?”

“I think all you had to say was ‘Hey Luka, will you model my designs with Juleka,’ and I’d have been sold,” Luka chuckled. “I don’t know if I’ll be any good but you know I’d do anything to help my two favorite girls. Just tell me when and where and what you need me to do.”

The delighted squeal that answered him left him grinning for an hour.

***

“Mom Luka’s here we’ll be in my room see you later!”

“Good afternoon, Mrs. Cheng,” Luka said with a chuckle, as he followed Marinette through the bakery at a slightly more civilized pace.

“Good to see you, Luka. There’s a plate of snacks in the fridge if you two get hungry.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

It was a good thing he’d been to Marinette’s place with the rest of the band, because she was so far ahead of him he might as well have been by himself. When he climbed up through the hatch into her bedroom (her room was really pretty cool for not being a boat), Marinette nearly barreled right into him. “Whoa!” he cried, catching her around the waist just in time to keep her from falling over. “Relax, Marinette, I’m not going to turn into a pumpkin. You can slow down a little.” He waited until she was sure she had her balance back, and then let her go.

“Sorry,” Marinette said, bouncing slightly on her toes and then grabbing his hand to drag him to her chaise. “I’m just so excited to show you. I hope you’ll like it.”

Luka took a seat on her chaise as she directed and smiled as he watched her rush around. “It’s great to see you so inspired. Maybe I’m off base, but it just feels like you’ve been missing a little bit of your spark lately.”

“Yeah,” Marinette sighed, and it was like all the frenetic energy drained out of her at once. She came and sat next to him on the chaise, looking almost...mournful. “A lot of things have been happening, and I’m starting to realize that I’ve been...prioritizing the wrong things. Sometimes the wrong people.” She glanced at him and then away, twisting her fingers. “I didn’t like the person I was becoming. Which is complicated, because I didn’t like the person I was before, either. Before I met Alya and A-Adrien and got to be better friends with Nino and Kitty Section.” She flashed him a crooked smile. “You wouldn’t have liked me then either. I was a pushover and a victim and a...a bystander.” Luka moved closer and put his hand on her shoulder in silent encouragement. “Some things happened at the beginning of the school year that really pushed me out of that comfort zone, and I started really trying to be a friend, someone my friends can rely on, and for a while it was great. I still messed up a lot but I started standing up for myself and other people, and I wasn’t such a spectator. But...” Marinette chewed her lip. “I don’t know, I feel like somewhere in the last few months I got confused.”

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” She nodded slowly. “I need to find a way back to the person I wanted to be. Except I don’t even know who that is, because if I don’t like who I was before and I don’t like who I became, then where am I trying to go?” She moaned faintly and put her face in her hands. “And all you did was compliment me and now I’m just spewing this out all over you and you didn’t ask for any of this, I’m so sorry. I’m probably not even making sense.”

“Marinette, you’re making perfect sense,” Luka said, squeezing her shoulder, and reaching down for the guitar case. “It sounds like you’ve been bottling that up for a while.” She nodded, face still in her hands. “It’s like...you’re tuning your strings right now,” he continued. He set his guitar on his lap, set his fingers and plucked a string. “That’s G, right? You started out a little flat.” He moved his fingers and played a G flat. “So you started tuning towards your true pitch.” He played G again. “But you overshot and you went sharp.” He played the G sharp. “So now you’re working back towards G again.” He plucked the G one more time and grinned. “Or maybe it’s M in your case.”

”There isn’t any M, Luka,” Marinette giggled. 

“I think there is,” Luka smiled, fingers fluttering in a familiar pattern as he played up and down a G major scale. “I think you’ll find it.” He looked up and met her eyes. “And when you do, it’ll be beautiful.” 

Marinette held his gaze for a moment, then blushed and looked at her hands. “Thanks Luka. I know—well, you’re one of the people I haven’t treated so well, so...thanks for understanding.”

“I could tell it wasn’t the true note, the real you. We all make mistakes, Marinette. You’ve always been honest and sincere with me, and I value that more than anything.”

Marinette smiled weakly. “I feel like that should be part of the Couffaine family motto. Liberté, sincerité, originalité.”

Luka laughed out loud. “I like it.” 

Marinette, smiled, and the light came back into her eyes as she jumped up. “Enough navel gazing. How do you feel about snakes?”

Luka’s eyes widened slightly and he felt a flicker of panic. “Uh—”

“Because I have the greatest plan for you,” Marinette said, rushing over to her desk. “Check this out.” She pulled up a board that had been laying flat on her desk and held it vertical so he could see it. Front and center was a large picture of a blue and black striped snake with a red head and tail. It was bold and striking and it looked nothing like Viperion. Luka relaxed a little. He should have known better.

“Snakes are cool,” he grinned. “I like the colors.” 

Marinette squealed and bounced a little. “I know, they’re perfect for you! I mean blue was the easy choice but I was afraid that would be predictable and boring but then I found this picture and—Can you help me hold this? Thanks. So the snake—it’s called a Malasian coral snake by the way—is the inspiration for collection, see? I’m working out an embroidery design, and I’m also incorporating the colors, although not as much on Juleka’s, I want to use mostly black for her with maybe a bright pop of color, maybe the red, see? And if she’s posing with you, maybe she won’t be so nervous. It’ll be a good way to help her get a little more experience so she’ll be more comfortable next time, and if the photos turn out well she’ll have a start to her portfolio.”

“Sounds great. You’re so thoughtful, Marinette. I know Juleka will appreciate it,” he told her admiringly.

“I really haven’t been lately,” Marinette sighed, as he helped her lay the board back down flat. “But I’m trying to be better.”

Luka touched her shoulder. “If you really want to change yourself, I know you can, Marinette. If it’s worth anything, I think you’re pretty great the way you are.”

He jolted when Marinette turned to him and threw her arms around his waist and hugged him tight, but he put one arm around her and hugged her back. “Thanks Luka,” she whispered. “You’re the best.”

He patted her back gently, resisting the urge to really hold her. “So, what do I need to do?”

“Measurements!” Marinette snapped back on task. “I need to take some measurements. Especially for the shirts and jacket, I’ve got to make sure there’s room for all—” she gestured vaguely at his shoulders. “That.” 

He raised an eyebrow. “All what?”

She rolled her eyes at him and turned to her desk to dig out a measuring tape. “Take off your jacket, Luka.”

He did as she asked, laying the guitar back in the open case and dropping his denim jacket and hoodie on the end of the chaise. Marinette pursed her lips as she turned back to him, then took his wrist and held up his arm so that his bicep was flexed. “Yep. That’s what I meant.” Luka felt a sudden flush as she ran her hand up his arm and onto his shoulders. “You’ve got a lot more muscle than the guys in my class—except Kim but he’s a special case—and your shoulders are broader.”

“Um...thanks?” Luka cleared his throat.

Marinette jumped back. “Sorry! Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I was just thinking out loud.”

“It’s fine,” he said, though he knew he was blushing, and he couldn’t quite keep from smirking just a little bit. “Go ahead.”

Luka stood patiently while she measured what felt like every inch of him. 

“Sorry,” she said, writing numbers down. “I just don’t want to have to make you come back, so I’m trying to get everything I think I possibly could need. Once I’ve gotten a little further in the designs, I can bring fabric samples over to the Liberty for you guys to look at.”

“I appreciate that, Marinette, but these are your designs, you don’t need our approval.” 

“I know, but I want you guys to be comfortable with the clothes, especially Juleka now that I know she’s so nervous. And the best part of designing is seeing how excited people are to wear the finished product. I really want you guys to be thrilled.”

Luka smiled at her enthusiasm. “I have confidence in you, Marinette.”

She flashed him a soft smile that made his heart flutter. “You always have, Luka. I appreciate it.” She straightened up and put her pencil down. “I think that’s everything I need.” Marinette bit her lip, and looked a bit...shy? That was new. “Um...do you have to go right away? We could hang out for a bit if you’re free...do you play video games?”

“Not really,” he admitted, with a shrug, and then added quickly as her face fell, “I’m always up for trying something new though.”

The way she lit up at that was not good for his heart. “Well, I’ll go easy on you since you’re a beginner.”

Luka chuckled. “Teach me your ways, master.”

Even ‘going easy,’ she destroyed him. His quick fingers and excellent hand-eye coordination were his only chance for redemption. At the same time, he’d never enjoyed losing more. Competitive Marinette was a side she’d never shown him before and Luka was hard pressed to pay attention to the game, distracted as he was by her wide smile and sparkling eyes. After she’d pounded him a few times, she had mercy on him and switched modes so that they battled together against online opponents. He was still pretty useless but she didn’t seem to need him to win anyway, and playing cooperatively gave her more opportunity to coach him. By the time he had to leave, he could at least survive through the fight while Marinette took their opponents apart. That was good enough for him; the game was okay but he mostly just enjoyed watching her have fun. This was clearly one of her passions and he loved watching her be so gung-ho over it.

“You’re amazing,” he sighed finally, putting down the controller. “I think I’d have to practice a long time to get good enough to even come close to beating you.” 

“Oh, I didn’t—you did really well for your first time!” She hastened to reassure him. He laughed at her round eyes and panicked expression.

“Relax, Marinette, I don’t mind. Even losing to you is fun. You’re cute when you win.” He winked at her and she blushed, but recovered quickly.

“You’re right, I am amazing,” Marinette said airily, and then giggled. “At least at video games. My classmate Max and I played in the interschool tournament and we tore the competition apart.” She looked down at the controller and sighed, putting it down on the coffee table. “I actually haven’t taken much time to play lately, I’ve been so busy. Another reason to make some changes.”

Luka put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed lightly. “I don’t know what happened and I wish you weren’t so sad about whatever it was, but it sounds like you’ve got a good handle on what you need to do, so I know you’ll be fine. Thanks for teaching me, Marinette. I had fun.” 

“Me too,” she smiled at him. “Thanks, Luka, your support means a lot to me. And,” she blushed a little, “Thanks for hanging out with me.”

“I love spending time with you,” Luka said, letting go of her shoulder and getting to his feet. “I do need to get home now though. I’ll go grab my stuff.” He went up the stairs to her room, giving her time to recover from her spluttering. Luka sensed that she felt lonely and unappreciated lately, and he didn’t want to pass up a chance to let her know how much he appreciated her, or how happy he was to spend time with her.

Luka put his jackets back on, zipped up the open guitar case, and lifted the strap over his head. He stopped by the desk, looking down at the snake image, and smiled to himself before going back down the stairs.

Marinette walked him out through the bakery, where her mother pressed a small box of sweets into his hands. “Be safe getting home, Luka,” Marinette told him at the door.

“See you soon, Marinette.” He smiled at her, squeezing her shoulder once more before walking away.

As he walked he thought about what Marinette had said to him. Luka was glad she was taking some time and space to take care of herself, but he couldn’t help wondering what brought on the change. Marinette seemed so down about it...He hoped she felt better about it soon, because the changes she was making seemed good for her. So far, he certainly liked what he was seeing. It was great to see her investing in her art. Just spending time with Marinette was enough for him, but getting to be involved in something she loved so much made it that much better.

Luka sighed, adjusting the guitar case and smiling at himself. He’d long ago accepted that he was hopelessly deep in a hopeless love when it came to Marinette. He knew Juleka thought he was an idiot, but he really just didn’t mind it. 

Loving her made him happy.

[allthecanadianpolitics]

Response from my Toronto City Councillor, Brad Bradford, re: Regis Korchinski-Paquet, police funding, anti-black racism and our shared future

Hi there,

Thanks for reaching out about racism in our communities, police funding and our shared future. I've received thousands of messages every day this week. Our collective response to tragedy and injustice has been inspiring and humbling. The baseline for all of us right now is to speak up in solidarity and initiate the discussion in our community. As an elected representative, I have an additional responsibility to proactively make and support decisions that improve the circumstances of equity-seeking groups. I take this responsibility very seriously. As with most issues, I try to start with empathy for the people affected by this physical and emotional violence. I have been very clear publicly - the City's best approach is to address root-causes through anti-black racism efforts, anti-poverty initiatives and investing in community development.

This year's police budget did increase. I share your concerns about the speed at which police, and so many other services in our city, are addressing anti-black racism. Most of the 2020 budget increase was due to salaries and payroll expenses. The police invested in a better model of neighbourhood policing, adding 40 new neighbourhood community officers. Working closely with Division 55 Superintendent Stroble, we secured funds for four exceptional Neighbourhood Police Officers in our local Beaches-East York community. These officers took their new roles in Division 55 in February (see the launch here). More generally, across the Toronto Police, we added five net new Equity, Inclusion and Human Rights positions as well. There were also significant costs associated with implementing body-worn cameras incorporated in this year’s Police budget. A number of the other increased costs were associated with achieving the City’s Vision Zero road safety mandate, including creating the new vision zero road safety unit.

We certainly need to continue the work of reforming and modernizing our policing model. There have been countless reviews, inquiries, panels on police since long before I was a City Councillor. The City has an Anti-Black Racism Action Plan and we can’t be complacent about implementing that kind of change.

Solving these problems takes time and investment. In addition to advocacy, action is also critically important. Especially as an elected representative. Our respective roles as members of City Council are influenced by the committees to which we’re appointed. For example, while I am interested in seeing continued police reform, I am not a member of the Toronto Police Services Board so, like you, my abilities to influence are through dialogue.

There is an anti-racism, anti-oppression lens we can bring to all of our work as Councillors. Here’s an overview of some of the work I’ve been involved with and some of the perspective I try to bring. I share this as questions about my work have been coming up a lot in the last week. I want to share as much as possible to be transparent about my work, get your input and continue listening.

As Vice-Chair of the City's Budget Committee, I steered through $6million in additional funding for anti-violence programs and youth hubs. This is on top of $15.6million in net new funding for poverty reduction initiatives in the City's 2020 Budget. I also helped the City deliver the following actions:

· $11.9 billion for the TTC to address the state of good repair backlog and to buy 62 new subways for Line 2, 18 new subways for Line 1, 60 new streetcars, 1,500 new buses, and 232 new Wheel-Trans Vehicles. Investment in the bus network is particularly critical here as many of our city’s poorest community members rely on buses to get around.

· We fully funded our $24 billion Housing Plan 2020-2030 to build 40,000 new affordable rental units, and support 341,000 households with affordability.

· We invested $169 million for Vision Zero to make our streets safer and meet our goal of getting deaths and serious injuries on our roads down to zero. We know that road violence, and deaths and serious injury is more prevalent in the inner-suburbs.

As for other measures on allyship - there is never enough that could be done, but I am calling out the need for anti-racism training at every opportunity. On the Board of the TTC I have moved motions calling for a number of anti-racism measures including:

· Modernizing the TTC’s Fare Evasion Strategy & Transit Fare Enforcement Oversight to include anti-racism training.

· Making sure our revenue protection strategy responds to the ombudsman's report on fare enforcement and the incident we saw in 2018 with the use of violence against a black teen.

· Calling on the TTC to accelerate reporting on implementing a modernized investigation unit for customer complaints.

· Funding overdose prevention and response for frontline TTC staff.

There are a number of other equity-based issues I've been vocal on – including rent control on city-funded affordable housing sites, getting Council's support to urge the Province to maintain the definition of disability and avoid cuts to ODSP recipients, and including a Community Benefits Agreement into the market offering process for redevelopment of City property at the Danforth Garage.

None of these initiatives matter without real engagement with marginalized communities. This is critical to elevate the voices of people too often left out of the process at the City of Toronto. Within my office, listening is critical. I host town hall meetings and discussions with targeted stakeholder groups in communities across Beaches-East York. Just on Saturday I held a virtual town hall for the Bengali community with Mayor Tory and Councillor Crawford. I also engage regularly with countless others with equity-seeking groups, as well as youth groups, and advocacy organizations such as ACORN, Centre for Equity and Human Rights in Accommodation (CEHRA), TTC Riders, Social Planning Toronto, Maytree Institute and dozens of others.

We work hard to ensure these efforts are accessible, and take extra measures for our statutory city consultations - like community planning meetings - to make sure individuals have access to child care at a minimum to encourage engagement. We ask our community partners to share information about these meetings with their membership to broaden the reach to communities the City doesn’t typically engage. For example, we work closely with on-site teams at TCHC to post meeting invitations in lobbies, elevators, and on apartment doors. My bi-monthly community meetings also rotate around the ward in an effort to do everything possible to ensure geography is as little a barrier as possible.

As I said off the top, none of this will be enough until we bring a meaningful end to structural racism. We each have a role to play in that. As an elected representative, I am accountable to all residents in my community, but I hold myself to the highest accountability on issues of equity and inclusion. Being in this position is a privilege and my goal is always to advance policies that pragmatically, and meaningfully, move the agenda forward for our black, indigenous and other racialized communities.

In solidarity, and community.

- Brad

Brad Bradford

Toronto City Councillor

Ward 19 - Beaches-East York

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Submitted by @ominouspotato