#so receiving this genuinely gave me so much strength

[balsamfir-fics]

I generally agree with most of OP's analysis, but less so for the Season 2 write up and the implications that aviktor has some low sense of self-worth emotionally. I'm not a subscriber to the genius cold loner camp either as I am fully on board with the S1 analysis, but I disagree that he has self hatred or loathing in S2.

pretty much until Jayce calls Viktor out in those last 10 minutes, there's no indication that Viktor has internalized self-loathing. Rather, from S1 to the crumbs we got in the earlier S2 episodes-- and even some themes from his confusing LoL lore, his Arcane character reads more to me as resigned rather than self-hating.

In my perspective, he fixed his leg more so because he had nothing to lose and was struck by scientific eureka, and there was no time like the present to runify his leg. It gave us the running scene, which I think is so impactful and freeing because it shows Viktor experiencing what he was missing out in terms of bodily strength and stability, but we see that it's short lived because even with his Arcane leg he's back on crutches afterwards.

Up until Jayce' last pitch to him I never got the impression that Viktor internally saw himself as unworthy of love. perhaps to a small extent subconsciously, but that's what therapy is for. I do agree that he was probably genuinely surprised by the extent of Jayce' and Sky's affection because he was a little blind to it before. But personally I don't see that as internalized self-loathing or feelings of unworthiness for love.

that being said, my disagreement comes at the risk of sounding like i instead am in the "he's a misunderstood cold genius who doesn't need it" camp. rather, I think the truth lies in between.

I've always read his character as optimistic and hopeful, even with his personal relations. he approached jayce fiest. yes, it was motivated by the interesting science, but the way he approaches jayce is fluid, displays high EQ, and is extremely charismatic and witty (and bear in mind he talked Jayce off the cliff kindly and with humor). so I think he understands affection and is more than capable of giving it. what i think actually happens in S2 to reconcile what ahayce said and what OP's interpretation is is that Viktor is the kind of person who will get married to his work/carried away *if not gently reminded to take a goddamn break* but I think he in fact can be coaxed away from it to enjoy receiving affection. so I think the issue is more that he IS confident and so excited about his research that he gets carried away and simply needs reminding from time to time.

plenty of geniuses come off as cold but I don't think it's necessary out of feelings of brokenness. jayce' quotes at the end jarred me at first because I didn't ever get the impression that Viktor felt like he needed fixing per se. I think his desire for perfection came out only after experiencing the Arcane (which we know twisted his thoughts away from his humanity). so, Jayce' speech makes sense to me only with respect to him talking to Viktor the Arcane-corrupted machine mage, as an appeal to the Viktor he knows is underneath. And what he says to Viktor is necessary to break past the Arcane layer in mis hind and to remind the internal Viktor that he is as perfect and worthy as he always believed he was beforehand.

so tldr Jayce' words are a reminder to Viktor, not a epiphany or comfort words.

Something that supremely bothers me is the fact that many people fall back into common stereotypes in their interpretations of characters when a property actively works against it.

Case in point, Arcane. We have Viktor, a brilliant inventor and scientist. But unlike the common stereotypes associated with these Tropes, this man feels things intensely, has an immense amount of empathy, and is kind and considerate. Characters like him are usually written as cold, detached, and emotionally stunted. Not Viktor, though. Despite his scientific mind, he is a complexly feeling individual.

I'm just setting the groundwork here, because my topic of frustration really regards Viktor and his outcast status as a child. I have been noticing a worrying trend of interpreting Viktor as having no interest or time for friends because he's too focused on inventing things and is too smart to relate to them. And sure, that can be true to a point.

^ But this is not the face of a kid that has no interest in socializing with his peers. He locks eyes with Sky several times, obviously making sure she is watching and that maybe if she finds his invention cool she will join him. This is a boy who wants friends. But he is rejected. Time and time again. And spoiler: it's not because he's smart.

Viktor's isolation and lack of friends as a child was not due to him being 'too smart' or 'too focused on inventing', it was due to him being disabled. He didn't really have friends because kids are mean and being kids, they judge a book by its cover more often than not. It is something so many disabled people face every day. You are either treated as invisible or as if you are made of glass.

And his lack of close relationships as an adult most definitely stems from being isolated as a child and being frequently sick. And that's another point, as well. When Jayce mentions that Viktor just disappears sometimes, it's obvious to me that he is pulling away from people he cares about so he doesn't attract further attention to his failing health.

But yeah. I thought Arcane deconstructed that stereotype beautifully; that Viktor truly wants to have friends, but as a child he was given serious barriers to entry. And as an adult, his introverted habits persist due in no small part to the fact that he was looked over so much when he was little, coupled with that he does not want to burden people with his chronic health issues.

Arcane takes such a tragic, yet nuanced approach to this and it works so well. Just wanted to get that off my chest. Thanks for reading!

[lotuslate]

i am too afraid to reblog it (penis) but i HAD to comment on your tenderhorny wangxian manhua redraw... i've seen so many iterations of that panel (AS IT DESERVES), but yours is by far my favorite, even more than the original. every time i see it i just get so fucking emotional. it's so warm and romantic and erotic in one neat (well, a bit messy 😏) little package.

i love EVERYTHING about their expressions in your close-up. lwj is never going to get enough of kissing and touching wwx and i can not blame him, just look at how kissable those lips are. his eyes are closed like he's dreaming and if he opens them this will all disappear. and wwx's eyes are so bright, like he just realized the extent of lwj's love for him. they are speaking to me and they are saying "wow... i love him, and he loves me, more than anything in this world."

the way you drew wwx's grip on lwj's arm just fucking sends me. he grabs it and hugs it in closer and closer and closer. i'm gone. ascended. not to even mention the hand cradling his stomach... ugghhhh i want what they have. thank you for bringing this beautiful piece into the world and sharing it with us.

I HAVE LOST COUNT OF the amount of times i’ve read this message omg gkhsdjbdf i absolutely love how much you like all these details and it warms my heart that someone took the time to pay enough attention to them I’m genuinely so moved 😭🩷

and thank YOU!! for sharing your thoughts it really does make me feel motivated to keep sharing my art even if sometimes I don’t feel too good about it kjdasfbksd I really appreciate it you have no idea!!

[poppedbubblgum]

I’ve had this au in my brain for months now and only recently drew for it so I’m here to add to the pile of rise aus haha

It’s the standard separated au but my version B) - Donnie grew up with Splinter, Leo stayed with Draxum, Raph ended up at the battle nexus and Mikey was left to roam the streets of the Hidden City.

More info under the cut-

Donnie: The most mentally stable of the brothers somehow. He was raised in the sewers with splinter, and even though he did receive care, splinter still couldn’t really provide much in terms of affection. Despite that they still love each other, even if distantly. He’s chronically online. He knows every vine ever and plays fps games a lot yes I made him a gamer. He and April are extremely close in this au, having met at a young age and April being the closest thing Donnie has to a sibling until finding his brothers. Splinter also refuses to tell Donnie anything to do with mutants/yokai, or even where they came from, much to Donnie’s dismay. Without his brothers and their antics, he doesn’t get out much, and hasn’t made a battle/protective shell for himself yet.

April: She and Donnie met in early childhood and were practically inseparable, them both being only children, and they basically became each other’s annoying sibling. She’s the only reason Donnie came out of his shell (heh) and she likes to take him onto the surface streets for shenanigans.

Leo: Huguinn pulled Leo from the wreckage of Draxum’s lab and was raised in the rebuilt lab. Draxum genuinely didn’t expect the turtles to come out as literal infants after mutation so it’s a miracle Leo even survived this long lol. (Huguinn and Muninn did most of the work tbh) Draxum considers Leo to be a biproduct/fragment of a failed experiment and uses Leo more as an errand boy than anything else. Because of that Leo’s and Draxum’s relationship is also distant. Leo acts nonchalant and sarcastic for the most part, but he can’t help but want to please Draxum. Leo knows about his brothers and even tried looking for them early on, but eventually gave up. He and Donnie meet first. Also he sneaks out to get pizza at Hueso’s when he’s bored.

Raph: His and Mikey’s stories start out intertwined. They both ended up in the hidden city and lived out the early years of their lives there. When he was around 7 years old, Mikey being 5, Raph was taken as a contestant for a battle royale at the nexus, composed entirely of young yokai. (The battle nexus is quite literally a gladiator ring where contestants kill one another) Raph was taken due to his large size, and after managing to survive the battle royale, Big Mama allowed him to stay and become a fully fledged fighter at the nexus. He moved his way up in rank and became one of the top Nexus champions under the stage name, The Beast. He’s soft spoken and quick to anger at first, having received so little friendly interactions.

Mikey: He and Raph lived in the hidden city together until Raph was taken when he was around 5 years old. After that he was basically left to fend for himself. He survived via stealing and living on rooftops and alleys Aladdin style. He’s incredibly agile and a master pickpocket. He even made a name for himself in the district where he lives as the local thief. This, however, hasn’t dampened his spirits at all and he’s just as bright and bubbly as ever. He loves anything and everything to do with art and often does graffiti wherever he can. He’s an avid battle nexus fan and watches the battles whenever he can ( Leo is also a huge fan).

I’ve legitimately had this au in my head for months and this isn’t even close to everything I’ve conjured up but I had to make something for it or else I’d explode. Despite there being a lot of room for angst in this au, I imagine it as more lighthearted and similar to the show in terms of comedy. If you read this far congrats and give me your strength please

[weirdgenetic-fuckup]

..size kink with Slash?

A/n: Slash loves horror and you cannot convince me he wouldn't buy those monster fucker toys, I refuse to accept criticism

Warnings: Smut, use of toys, monster!fucking kink, masterbation, fingering (f receiving), oral (m receiving), if you think I missed anything let me know otherwise enjoy!

University was hell, globally known so. You didn't even want to go, you weren't at a particularly renowned school and had a fairly dark outlook on the whole working part of life.

You're parents did what they could to encourage you and helped you afford your own shitty apartment so you didn't have to work multiple shitty jobs on top of Uni, but it wasn't what you wanted. You didn't know what you wanted.

How you managed to get to it, you weren't sure, but one night you made a new twitter account and posted a video of you getting off on just your fingers.

You fell asleep and woke up to a lot of positive comments, people getting off to you, telling you how pretty you are and asking for more, more, more.

You kept posting to Twitter, small clips whenever you felt like it or needed a confidence boost. People started asking for more, so you went to OnlyFans.

It was just a whim, you genuinely didn't expect people to start paying for your content, but they did. They payed for clips of just your voice, asking to watch you cum, to see your tits. Individuals were paying for special pictures, ones just for them, asking you to post videos of you calling out their names, or pet names, surnames.

You got paid to feel good and get compliments. This was the work you wanted, this was perfect for you.

Soon you had people sending you toys, bullet vibrators and dildos. You felt strange about using those at first, especial for content, and you said as much to your fans.

Once again, they came to the rescue, sending you all kinds of affirmation. It was like having the most supportive partners.

One day you got a bigger package. At first you thought there were multiple toys in one box, upon further inspection it was not...

"Hi, love, I've been thinking about you a lot, all small and fragile just for me, send me something with this and I'll give you a pay day iiii]; )'" The small note read, a username at the bottom.

The toy in question was something else, from one of those monster fuckers. It had a suction on the bottom so you took it out of the box and set it down on the floor of your apartment. It had to be at least eight inches, it was a squishier silicone which was comforting in a sense. It was rigid with bumps and and spikes, some sort of demon dick.

Your eyes bugged trying to think of how that girth would fit in you.

Still, you were curious.

You got yourself set up, camera and lube, though you didn't turn on the camera just yet, wanting to get a feel for the toy on your own.

You stared at the toy, shiny with lube and staring daggers into you. You took a deep breath and hovered over it, you couldn't help but think about trying to get off of it, what if you didn't have the strength? What if your legs gave out under you and it got pushed deeper into you?

You held it to your prepped hole, having taken a minute to get yourself ready for it, and slowly sunk onto it.

The stretch, the spikes and ridges, the length. All of it. It drove you crazy.

And thus started your relationship with this fan, who you'd come to call Slash, occasionally daddy.

You felt something towards him, though he continued to pay for all your interactions, and you wanted him to in order to keep you relationship 'professional', as you thought it.

You swore, the toys he sent you were just getting bigger, and if they weren't bigger there was more texture. He'd send you little rubbing pads, vibrators, tentacles and tongues, all just for his eyes. His notes were always so sweet, some had filthier messages but most were just calling you sweetheart, telling you how much he loved you.

While you wanted to remain 'professional' with him, meaning not getting serious since he was just a client, a customer, you didn't mind letting him pay for casual texting, though you felt bad for making him pay just so he could listen to you complain about Uni or your parents or some other little thing. But he insisted.

Your phone buzzed and it was a text from Slash.

"I'm coming to your city on tour-" You stared at that word for a second, he was on tour? "-mind if we meet somewhere?" You stared at his text, so many questions racing through you mind.

You went straight to google, looking up who Slash was and finding this guitarist that had a heat pooling between your legs, a dull ache in your core at the hundreds of pictures you found of him shirtless and sweaty, his smile and watching video after video of his hands working on those six strings.

"We don't have to" Another text came up on your screen. "And sorry if that sounded creepy, you wore a sweatshirt with your Uni on it, figured there was a link."

You hurried to text back. "I'd love to meet up!" You replied, biting your lip hungrily.

"Great, I'll be in town tomorrow, just give me an address and a number." Your brows furrowed at that. "And bring some toys."

"A number?" You asked after a moment.

"For sex" You set your phone down after that reply. You'd never thought about that, but you needed him. This wasn't just some fan anymore, you needed to feel him inside of you, to hear his voice right in your hear in person. You needed to smell him, lick him, suck him.

You needed him.

You weren't sure how much to charge him, if you even wanted to charge him, but he made the decision for you as you got a notification for four-thousand dollars. You stared at the notification wide-eyed.

"Did you want more?" He texted.

You sat waiting in a suite at a five-star hotel, it was nothing like you'd ever imagined.

It was around twelve when you heard the door open and made your way out of the master bedroom to the living area. Slash came in wearing a tank-top, some band on the front, tight jeans and that hat with sunglasses.

He smiled when he saw you and came further into the room, setting a guitar case down along with a suitcase. "Hey, sweetheart." He greeted, making his way over to you, his hands resting on your hips as his eyes trailed over you. "Fuck, you look even better in person." You were speechless.

His voice was so soft, unlike anything you'd expect, but it was raspy from years of smoking. He wreaked of sweat and it took every part of your being to not shove your face into his pit and hump his leg, foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog.

"You brought your toys?" He asked, bringing his eyes back to yours.

You nodded, looking over your shoulder to the bedroom. "Yeah, I brought, uh, a bag of my-my favourites."

He looked towards the bedroom. "That's perfect, sweetheart, lead the way." His hands fell from you, you whined softly at the absence of his touch and prayed he hadn't heard it.

You walked into the room and handed him the duffle bag you brought full of toys. He took it, though he was confused. He looked at you and could tell you were nervous about this whole thing.

"You've never done this before?" You shook your head slowly, head tilted down and gaze glued to the ground. A wider grin spread on his face as he set the duffel on the bed and opened it. "Don't worry, I have."

He poked around the bag a bit, seeing all you brought, a sense of pride building in him as he realized you brought a lot of the stuff he'd gotten for you. "You like monster-" He froze as he turned back to look at you and saw you'd stripped. "Oh, fuck..."

He took a step closer to you and stopped, you couldn't hide the disappointment you felt when he didn't do anything.

"Can I touch you?" He asked, you looked up at him, a nervous look still on your face.

"Um, yeah... I thought- I-I thought that's what you paid for..?" He rolled his eyes and took his glasses off.

"Yeah, but I want you to be comfortable." He said, setting his glasses and top hat down on the nightstand. "It's no fun if you don't want to get fucked."

"I want to." You said, much faster than you thought you should've. He turned back to you, a somewhat surprised look on his face. "I mean, I- maybe..." You trailed before shaking your head. "I want you to fuck me so bad." You said, looking up at him with pleading eyes. "I don't want to walk for a week, I need you so fucking bad."

Slash was pleasantly surprised by your words, voicing your desire for him. "That's a good girl." He said, coming closer to you but still not touching you. "So, I'll ask you again. Can I touch you?"

"Yes, please." You gleamed. Slash smiled and brought his hands to your waist, feeling up your sides and squeezing your hips.

"Can I kiss you?" He asked, already leaning down to you.

"Yes, please." He closed the gap, crashing his lips onto your. Plush, soft and warm.

His arms wrapped around you, pulling you flush against him. He was so strong but his touch was so gentle.

He pulled away, you lips chasing his and he just smiled down at you.

He went to the bag you'd brought, digging through it and pulling out on of your little grinding pads, some tongue or something, whatever it was the texture always drove you crazy.

He dropped it on the floor and sat on the bed. "Why don't you get on your knees for me?" You did as he asked, dropping to your knees in front of him, hovering over the toy while Slash pulled himself out of his pants, hard cock nearly hitting you in the face.

You wrapped your hand around the base, stroking him a few times, laying kitten licks to the tip and relishing in the soft sounds that came out of him.

You took him into your mouth, gagging slightly on his length. Slash tossed a pillow down for you and gripped the back of your head, moving you himself. "Focus on the toy, alright?" He said, forcing himself down your throat.

You got the pillow between your legs, the toy on top for you to grind against. You moved in sync with Slash, moaning around him. At some point Slash gave up on pushing you down on him and just started fucking your throat, lows groans leaving him.

The sight of his head tilted back, eyes shut and hips rutting into you all to chase that feeling of ecstasy. You felt him twitching down your throat, low groans slowly morphing into louder moans as his seed coated your throat.

He held you down on him, waiting for you to swallow all of it before he pulled away. "Look at that... beautiful girl, swallowed it all, didn't you?" You smiled up at him, wiping your mouth as you nodded.

Slash looked back to the bag you brought, digging through it and pulling out more toys. You stood up in front of him, legs shaky from the grinding pad. "What-what were you thinking..?" You asked, fidgeting nervously as you watched him look through everything you brought.

"I was thinking a lot of things." He said, pulling out a long tentacle thing with a rubber string on the bottom. "How does this one work?" He asked, looking back at you.

You picked up your phone, opening an app and handing your phone to him. He clicked a button and it started wiggling, a grin spreading over his face. "Oh, I like this one." He looked back to you, handing you the toy. "Put it in.

You held it nervously, Slash stopped the toys movements. You moved closer to the bed, thinking he meant for you to lay down or something, but he stopped you.

"Standing." Your eyes shot to him. "Can't see everything I wanna see when you sit down, use it standing." You took a small step back, eyes flickering between him and the tentacle in your hands. "If you can't take it just tell me and I catch you, alright? But I wanna see, first." You nodded, his words comforting you slightly.

Using lube the toy slipped into you rather easily, Slash gave you a moment to warm up to the stretch. You'd never used any of your toys standing before, you'd never thought of doing so since your legs always got so weak, the way Slash was eyeing you had your legs going weak.

You gasped, feeling the toy start wiggling on a slow setting, a consistent movement. Your thighs squeezed together, hands tightening into fists.

Slash grinned wickedly at the sight. "Got your belly bulging already." He gleamed. You looked down and saw a noticeable lump coming and going in waves. You were mesmerized by the sight of it until Slash set the tentacle to it's fastest setting on pulse.

Your knees went weak as moans ripped from you. Slash caught you, chuckling at your weakened state. Your body twitched in his arms as he held you to his chest. "Does that feel good?"

Fuck, yes, it did. It was so fucking good, his arms around you, something wriggling and hitting deep inside of you. "Fuck, m'cumming, m'fucking cumming!" You moaned out.

Slash's fingers came to your clit, rubbing it gently, a stark contrast to the toy inside you and sending you over the edge with a small yelp.

Slash waited for you to ride out your high, until you were twitching and shaking and dependent on him for stability before he turned the toy off.

He moved you over to the bed, helping you to lay down and took the toy from you.

You lay there, weak and shaky and so, so needy. You scanned around when your breathing had calmed down a bit and saw Slash digging through your bag once more and pulling out more overstimulating toys. "We're gonna have fun tonight, aren't we?"

You woke up the next morning, body aching everywhere, a pillow between your thighs and a shirt you didn't recognize covering you.

You reached for your phone and saw a text from Slash. "Had a great time last night, can't wait to do it again iiii]; )' gave you a little bonus and an extra night at the hotel, thought you deserved it."

You had another notification from him; $10,000.

[deepestnightcolor]

PLEASE MORE OF SAM FLUFF PLS PLS PLS

ᴀ/ɴ: Thou ask and thou shall receive!~ Thank you so much for your request, love!

I hope this is okay, I've become quite rusty when it comes to fluff. I hope you enjoy! Also, to everyone suffering of pollen allergies - much strength to you. Blondie is suffering with you.

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: Sam (SDV) x GN!Reader

ᴡᴄ: 1373 words

ᴍᴅɴɪ ✧ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: None, just fluff!

☾ ꜰᴇᴇʟɪɴɢ ꜱᴘʀɪɴɢ ☽

The warming rays of the spring's sun tickled your nose the moment you stepped out of your farm house. Spring was about halfway over, but still in its complete beauty.

You looked at your fields with a content look in your eyes. The seeds you had spread over the tilled ground had stretched out their green leaves, some of them would soon be ready to harvest, would need nothing more but a bit more of the tender sun and the water that was coating their complex beauty from the sprinkler already running this morning.

Butterflies were dancing through the air that was drenched in the sweet aroma of nature coming to life and blooming in its bright, cheerful colors, breezes of gentle wind wafting the scent towards you coaxing you to step forward.

A glance to your right made you see that your cows and chickens had found their ways outside by now, hungry mouths and beaks tugging at stems of grass that carried a lush green colour. The bursts of rain that had fallen on the Valley the last few days had done nature a favor, you thought, a smile on your lips.

You picked up the bucket you had brought outside with you, making your way over to their pasture.

"Good morning, ladies," you called out, chuckling as a chorus of moos greeting you in return. Betty and Moonalisa looked great today, and it filled you with a sense of pride to know it was your care that made the bond between you so strong. Scratching the cows' heads, you chatted quietly to them. Told them what had happened to you yesterday. You had seen Sam, you told them. He had taken you out on a date, and you still felt the giddiness of the last night rush through your veins.

Even as you were milking them you chattered about the blond, the twitch of spotted ears giving you the feeling of being listened to by your friends. When the bucket was full, you gave each cow a small treat as you thanked them, bringing the bucket to the shed to fill it in the machine that would make it become cheese in a matter of hours.

It didn't take long for you to enter the coop, greeting Julie and Lana with the same excitement you had done with the cows. You ran your fingers through the soft feathers, listening to the cluckering as the two hens picked at the ground. "You are very pretty today," you told them with a nod, "did you do something with your feathers?"

Cluckering sounds answering you made you chuckle.

Once you had allowed Sam to follow your morning routine because he had woken up as early as you had, and your boyfriend had watched you with an amused smirk on his face. When you had asked him why he looked at you like that, all he gave you was the shrug of his shoulders.

"It's cute how you treat your animals. Makes me appreciate you more, y'know? Shows you care."

He had kissed your head and crouched down to tell one of your hens that her eyes were gorgeous, and the other that she walked with great grace. The compliments seemed so genuine, so warm, they didn't leave you a choice but to kiss Sam right then and there, because you knew you could trust him. Even with silly little things like talking to your animals in front of him.

"I'll check on you again tonight!" You called towards them, your hands filled with the two large eggs you had found in the coop. After putting them in their respective machines, you decided to make your way to town. You had some ggeodes you wanted Clint to break open, and maybe you could visit Sam with a pizza for lunch.

However, the sound of someone sneezing made you raise your brow. That had been a loud sneeze.

You pushed your hands in the pockets of your overall, holding onto the fabric as you tilted your head. Waited. Maybe it was one of your animals? You had heard Moonalisa sneeze once, it had been louder than you would have ever guessed. Or you had just-

ACHOO.

Okay, you had definitely not imagined that, but it hadn't come from behind you, either. With your face still scrunched up in confusion, you walked towards town, perhaps you would find the sneezer there?

But you didn't even have to go so far, because looking to your right, you saw a mess of blond hair and a familiar blue jacket.

Your boyfriend stood hunched over in the field of lowers near the bus stop. A small bouquet was already in his right hand, the other traced through the tender sea of pedals and leaves. "S-"

ACHOO.

The sneeze shook the man's whole body, making him groan out loud. "Fuckin' allergies," his voice grumbled, but it sounded strained. Probably from all the sneezing he had been suffering through.

"I like you, you flowery pieces of death, why can't you fuckin' like me back?"

"Maybe they don't like you plucking them?" You joked, making the blond twirl around to look at you.

His eyes were teary and red, his nose was red, and he seemed defeated. However, a smile spread on his face just a few seconds later.

"Can't be it, they try to kill me even if I don't pluck them," he laughed, leaning down and picking up another flower, tenderly adding it to the bouquet. You watched him, biting down on your lower lip. "Just out of curiosity, why are you in a field of things that kick off your allergy?"

Sam gave you a sheepish grin, mouth open to answer your very valid question, though the sneeze that tore through him was faster. A groan left his mouth as he grimaced, rubbing his eyes and then his nose, only to realize what he had just done. The pollen on his hand led to another sneezing fit. You reached out your hand and slowly pulled him away from the flowers, pulling out some tissues to dab at his teary eyes carefully.

"Because of the tradition," he answered when his breathing seemingly had steadied. "Tradition? What tradition?"

Again, your boyfriend carried this sheepish look on his face.

"That when you wanna date someone, you give them a bouquet."

You looked up at him, your eyebrow lifting in a slight arch. "But...we are dating, aren't we? 3rd of winter. That's when we got together."

Sam nodded and gave you another grin, this time, it was almost shy.

"But I didn't give you a bouquet." It wasn't an explanation. It was a matter of fact, at least that's how it sounded when he said it.

You couldn't help yourself, you never really could around Sam. Around him, your reactions were real. Raw. You laughed and gripped his face carefully, kissing the swollen nose just as gently as you did it affectionately.

"But Pierre sells them, Sam! You didn't have to trigger such a big allergic reaction for me," you whispered, and now it was Sam that rose his brow.

"Those are ugly ass flowers in that bouquet," he began, puffing out his chest, "and who the hell knows how long our dude Pierre has kept those flowers in a random ass drawer, keeping them alive with whatever witchery he has up that ugly sweater sleeve? Nope, no chance, my babe only gets the best- ACHOO."

Sam let out another groan, slowly holding the flowers towards you. "But..I'd be thankful if you took them off my hands...you know. I think you look prettier with them than I ever could, anyway."

You cooed as you looked at your beaten by allergies boyfriend, taking the bouquet and kissing his lips gently. "Yes, Sam," you whispered against them after a moment.

Sam, distracted by the affection inflicted on his lips, looked at you in confusion. "Yes what?"

You grinned, intertwined your fingers. "Yes, I accept the bouquet. Can't let my boyfriend die and then not accept the bouquet now, can I?"

Your boyfriend, now back on track, smiled, pressing a large hand to his chest. "That would have been more cruel than the pollen in spring."

[muddyorbsblr]

the warmest bed i've ever known

'one look and they'll know' collection masterlist See my full list of works here!

Placement: dating era; a few days after 'when the feeling sinks in'

Summary: Tom has convinced you to go back to London with him for a few weeks, and a photo of you two out and about together has opinions firing left and right.

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x Reader

Word Count: 4k

Warnings (spoilers ahead): language; big hater behavior towards Reader; attempted breakup; angst; brief mentions of past bullying [let me know if i missed anything!]

Things to be aware of: Tomathy fully in his comforting precious bf era

Numb.

That was the only word that came to mind right now to describe what you felt, staring at your screen with all the hateful vile words that people who didn't even know you were flinging your way. And all because of the man you were dating. And how much you looked like a downgrade compared to his ex.

Then again it really shouldn't have surprised you, considering the turn your life had taken in the last few months. Hell, the last few days. There was really no other way for these nameless faceless spineless people to react when the man you'd started dating was none other than Tom Hiddleston.

And the figuratively ridiculously large shoes you had to fill considering the rising power of said ex…was Taylor Swift's.

You shouldn't have gone online. Checked Twitter. Checked anything, really. They rarely if ever had anything good to say, it was a special kind of stupid and naive for you to think that someway somehow you and your relationship were going to be the exception to the vitriolic rule.

Now here you were, screechy voices filling your mind, spitting out the words that your eyes scanned when you opened the cesspool of a sight.

Nothing special

Unremarkable

Fucking stab my eyes out with a rusty fork ugly

To be completely fair, you'd seen worse when you were still in school, every day inundated with the mocking words that sociopaths with hormones on overdrive wielded recklessly like a goddamn balisong without care that the person on the receiving end was actually a person. And if that was the shitshow you experienced from people brave enough to sign those sentiments with their name and say it to your face with chests fully puffed out, then the bravery of these people when they were all snuggled up under the protective cover of anonymity really shouldn't have shocked you.

Finding out who they were behind the screen and dealing out retribution on your own terms would have been a simple enough task. After all, you'd done it before, and even with the current advancements in technology and the tighter security protocols centered around protecting user data, you still managed to keep a few tricks in your bag that you could whip out if the need ever arose.

There was just one thing that stopped you from doing just that. A part of you agreed with the vicious comments. It was easy enough to ignore when people in school were just making hateful pages about how you sucked and how no one would ever genuinely like you. Or when they made pages pretending to be you so that they could dole out their paltry attempts at trying to ruin what little reputation you had at the time.

When you dealt with them on that comparatively smaller scale, it became easy to numb yourself to their words, drown them out until they were just white noise in the background, keeping you focused on the path you laid out for yourself rather than distracting you. It gave you a drive to work harder and better so that you could get as far away from them as possible.

On this scale, the background noise was so strong, so loud and overwhelming that every step you took to fight it seemed to take every ounce of your strength. It felt like there was no way out. You couldn't just hunker down and work hard so that you could get away from it all this time. And you couldn't exactly ignore them, either.

How could you? When they were voicing with pinpoint accuracy every insecurity that plagued you ever since you agreed to be his girlfriend a few days ago. Ever since your first night with him months ago.

So is this some sort of Make-A-Wish thing? That's it, right? She's on her last few months and she wanted to live them in delusion?

Fifty bucks says Tom's active on Raya right now. Quick someone send me an invite link I wanna shoot my shot. Tommy don't worry baby I'll save you from whatever the fuck mistake you got yourself into.

How the fuck do you go from Taylor Swift to that?

The most prevalent remarks in the last few hours had to do with a sighting of you sitting on a park bench, working on creating a wardrobe piece for an upcoming show that, if all went well, would start filming in a few years. The book author and the prospective showrunner got in contact with you after a glowing recommendation from Taika, and they talked about struggling to find the perfect scarf that would serve as one of the series' focal points.

After a few discussions and so many skeins of yarn that there was now an oversized tote bag in your hotel room overflowing with various shades of dark teal and peacock blue, you started crocheting a sample size of the pattern to show the author later on in the afternoon before you went to meet Tom for dinner. And that was how you were spotted this morning, sitting quietly on the bench, eyes on your project while your boyfriend was taking Bobby for a walk.

And for some reason the internet was up in arms over that,

Are you really fucking telling me this boring ass bitch that's giving old lady crocheting a goddamn scarf is fucking riding the God of Mischief every day? Nuh uh nope I don't believe that. Our Tommy deserves someone fun, and actually fucking pays attention to him and not a ball of yarn. Our baby deserves so much better than this.

You stared at the desk in front of you, your sample scarf to the left, and your laptop at the center, the screen now black from inactivity. You couldn't bother to move to check the time; your reminder would ring when your call would start. All you could bring yourself to do was remain exactly as you were, knees drawn to your chest with your arms around your legs, shaking and doing your damnedest not to break out into sobs over the knowledge of what you were about to do as soon as the door opened.

It was a good run, you told yourself. More than I deserved.

The sound of the front door opening jolted you back to reality, the voices finally dying down somewhat. Unfortunately, hearing Tom's voice started the voices right back up again.

"Y/N, darling, have you finished with your call? I was hoping we could go out tonight for dinner and--" His words stopped abruptly once he got to his study, seeing you in the position you'd been in for the last few hours, and immediately rushed to your side, crouching in front of you and taking your hands in his. "What's wrong, goddess?"

"I uhh…I have to go back to Los Angeles. I'm gonna see if I can make the next flight back." You didn't dare meet his eyes, still trying to hold back any tears.

He let out a breath, sounding almost relieved before he pressed a kiss to your hands. "That shouldn't be much of a problem, I can pack a bag and we can be on the next flight out--"

"No," you cut him off, wincing at your tone. "I'm going alone. There's no need for you to go with me, I'm sure you have some other things to do here. Better things."

There was a slight tremor in his hand as he cupped your face, gently turning your head to look at him. He took a shuddering breath seeing the tears swimming in your eyes. "What's happening right now, sweetheart? Please. I don't understand what could have brought this on, we had a lovely morning--"

"I thought I could do this," you choked out, finding it difficult to form coherent words without starting to blubber. "I thought I could drown the voices out, not let them get to me but…they're too loud. They're ruthless and vile and they have megaphones and they're right." You shook your head to turn away from him, burying your face between your knees, the all too familiar feeling of shame flooding your system, shrouding over you like an overly weighted blanket. "I'm not strong enough to do this with you. And you deserve someone better than me."

You took your laptop off of Standby, your screen illuminating and showing him the harsh words that had been haunting you since you stupidly decided to check the internet just minutes after he left the house. He began to visibly tense as his eyes scanned the pages seeing all the hateful things literal strangers had to say about your relationship.

"Look we gave it a shot," you tried to tell him, making a motion to get out of the chair which made him put his hands on the armrests, effectively keeping you in place. "But I think it's time to call it. I'm not good for you, and you deserve someone--"

"No." His tone was low and resolute, hands staying firmly on the chair, refusing to let you go anywhere. From a certain perspective, it was a smart enough move, considering that if he let you go right now, you'd probably sprint out the door in the name of doing what you thought would be best for him. Even if it meant ripping your own heart out in the process. "This can't be over already, we've only just begun. The time I've had with you has been extraordinary and I know that if we keep going, it'll get even better. You've made me so happy and--"

"You'll find someone that makes you happier," you dumbly shot back, the sentiment hitting you so hard that the tears finally began to fall. Even the thought of him potentially moving on so quickly after this already had you ready to sob. "Someone stronger. Someone that can handle all of this or hell someone they'll actually like--"

"Those people don't care for my happiness," he said in a rush, tears filling his eyes as well. "No matter what I do, there's always going to be someone hateful that has something to say, and they'll always think they're right. It's so clear that they don't give a damn about what actually makes me happy because if they did, they wouldn't be saying these disgusting lies about you, trying to get into your head."

There was a desperation in his tone that tore at your heart; no part of you wanted to do this. But seeing every single insecurity that you'd had ever since you said yes to being his girlfriend, yes to going to London with him for a few weeks, and generally just yes to spending the next few however months of your life with him, all laid out in print echoed by so many others? You knew he deserved better than this, better than someone that would ultimately have to be hidden away so that these people would stop coming for his throat for his 'poor choices'.

And when you knew that what would be best for the man you ached to give your heart to was to actually tuck your heart away and run, how selfish would it be for you to do the opposite?

The feel of his hands framing your face brought you back to your thoughts, the frantic pleading look on his face robbing you of your breath. "Do you want to leave, Y/N?" You wanted to scream No of course I don't, I want to stay with you. But you found yourself unable to form words. All you could do was shake your head as more tears fell from your eyes.

He pressed his lips to yours, pulling you into his arms the second you crossed your hands behind his neck and lifting you out of your seat. He didn't break the kiss until he'd carried you to his bedroom, setting you down on the edge of the bed. Then he pressed a tender kiss to your forehead before sinking to his knees in front of you, taking your hands in his.

"Then don't leave. Stay with me. We'll stay in and stay away from prying eyes so nobody gets to say anything about you, we'll--"

"You shouldn't have to make adjustments in your life for the sake of making me comfortable," you argued. "You should be with someone that can face all of this, not cower in a corner licking her wounds needing to be protected if she so much as gets seen stepping out of your house like some tiny helpless baby animal. You deserve to be with someone you can share everything with, without the worry of people shooting you down just because I'm not pretty enough or tall enough for them. You can have anything and everything you want with a snap of your fingers, I'm sure it won't be that hard to find someone that--"

Tom stopped you from letting out another word, holding you by the back of your  head and pulling you to him for a desperate kiss. "I don't want anyone else, I want you. I don't give a fuck what anyone else wants to think about how I choose to spend my life and who I choose to share it with, because I know better. You're enough, you're more than enough. And if a few precautions and adjustments have to be made to make sure they can't get to you, then I'm more than happy to do all that and more.

"Our first night together I told you I just want you. As you are. That I want to make you happy." He rose from his knees, pressing a kiss to your cheek and working his way to your ear. "That I want to satisfy you. Do you remember?" You could only nod, trying and failing not to melt against him as he kissed below your ear. "I'm going to add that list of wants now. I want to make sure you feel safe, with every means I have at my disposal."

He guided you down until your back was flat on the mattress, kissing down your neck as he did so, his lips trailing a path down to just over your heart. You found it near impossible to breathe, finding yourself overwhelmed with how gentle and tender he was handling you.

"I want to love you," he said, meeting your eyes with a look that you could only describe as surrender. "I know you're not ready to hear it yet, but this can't wait anymore. You need to hear it. You need to know that the only way for me to actually have everything that I want is if I get to share everything I have with you. I need you to know that your leaving would rip my heart out." He made his way back up, stopping when your faces were mere inches apart. "I need you to know who you'd be leaving." He brushed his lips across yours in a featherlight kiss. "You would be leaving a man so completely, so desperately in love with you."

You tried to speak, but all you could manage was inaudibly mouthing his name, the sentiment you tried to stomp down just a little over a week ago fighting its way back up to the surface. Practically shouting from the back of your throat.

"I love you," he breathed out. "Please, sweetheart. Don't do this. Don't leave. Whatever you want, whatever you need so that we can make this work, we'll find our way through this together just please…I'm begging you don't tell me that what you want is to rid yourself of me--"

"That's the last thing I want," you managed to choke out, your eyes stinging with even more tears. You swallowed the lump in your throat, mustering every ounce of strength you had left to finally say the sentiment you prematurely blurted out when he first popped up at your house. "I love you, too."

You woke up the next morning the same way you'd been ever since you and Tom first got together, his arm wrapped around you, the butterflies fluttering violently in your stomach from how he held your body against his without a stitch of clothing between you two, along with the tender kisses he peppered along your shoulder. It was a routine you'd not only found yourself getting comfortable with, but you were looking forward to it whenever you felt yourself rousing from sleep.

And that part scared the living daylights out of you.

Relationships? Routines? Your mind wandering to that place that you said you never dared think about in the context of being in any kind of relationship again, because the last time you did, the rug got pulled out from under you and threw your life and the future you envisioned into a blender?

You swore to yourself that day all those years ago that you were never going to let yourself get this comfortable. That you would always have your safety measures in place so that you never had to worry about having to scramble your way back up to your feet without any sense of direction.

And you did. You had your measures. You had your walls up. You put your heart under lock and key and said you'd never give it to someone again. Yet here you were, basically opening the chest and telling Tom that it was right there for the taking.

A chest you couldn't close again even if you tried. Even if you wanted to.

The feel of his lips pressing a kiss between your neck and shoulder had you letting out a tiny whimper, making him smile and hum against your skin. "Good morning, goddess."

You were growing concerningly comfortable with that, too.

He moved you until you were lying with your back flat on the mattress, brushing his nose across yours as he gave you a contented smile. "I love you."

You couldn't help the smile that stretched across your own face hearing the words. "Hmm…careful, you keep talking like that I might get used to it."

He laid his lips on yours, giving you a tender kiss as he gently ran his hand down the side of your body before stopping at your hip, his thumb stroking your skin. "I want you to get used to it, because I'll be saying it a lot from now on." His lips traced a line down to the base of your throat. "I love you," he murmured against your skin repeatedly as he kissed along your collarbone.

"I love you, too," you whimpered as he kissed his way down to your stomach, his shaky exhale warming your skin even more. You placed your hand on his shoulder, leading him to refocus his attention to kissing his way up your arm. "I really stepped on the ledge yesterday…" you trailed off, struggling to take a deep breath as you tried to find the words, ultimately settling on the simplest ones. You weren't likely to find better words anyways. "Thank you for talking me off of it."

He took his time kissing his way back up to your lips, never breaking eye contact. "Always, my love." The new endearment, paired with the way he tenderly kissed your lips, had your head spinning. "I'm going out to get us some breakfast. I'll be back in an hour. Go back to sleep, sweetheart."

Those words had you stirring, making a motion to sit up on the bed. "What? No, you don't need to do that, you'll get papped. Gimme a few minutes to get dressed, I'll do it."

"If you go out, they'll photograph you, too," he argued. "Pictures of us are still fresh on their minds, which means these vultures are still very much on the lookout for you out and about, waiting to take pictures in hopes of selling them to the sleaziest gossip sites. Give it a week, maybe two, and they'll refocus their attention on someone else. Them and the internet."

You slumped back into the bed with a soft thud, surrendering to the fact that unfortunately, the logic made sense. You needed a good few days to let your face and those photos fade into relative irrelevancy. "You probably need your team to spin some story on why we were seen together, too," you sighed, the discomfort of having to let the wheels turn in your head before you've even had a bite of food or a sip of coffee starting to make you skittish. "I mean, the saying goes that we can't put the genie back in the bottle, but what if it isn't fully out yet? We still have a chance to…I don't know, mitigate the situation?"

Tom rested his forehead against yours, letting out a deep sigh as he laid back down on the bed as well, pulling you into his arms so that your head rested on his chest. "One day it won't be this toxic."

His words had you giggling, looking up at him and pressing a kiss to his chin. "It's adorable that you think that, but no. But one day maybe the voices of those who would genuinely just be happy for you would be louder than these snakes in the pit with their megaphones. And maybe one day I'll be strong enough to not give a fuck about any of it."

He tightened his hold on you, arms snaking around your body in an embrace that had you falling even more into that dangerous place of way too damn comfortable. "Until then I'm going to do what I can to keep you safe. It'll only be a few weeks at most. Maybe less if we're lucky and someone causes a scandal." He pressed numerous soft kisses to the tip of your nose, breaking out into a smile when his attentions caused you to let out a soft giggle. "For now, I get to keep you in the house. All to myself." His smile turned into a mischievous grin as he rolled you on to your back, rasping the next words, "Like my own beautiful brilliant little captive."

"A very willing captive," you shot back, once again going breathless when he started kissing you all over your neck and chest. "Be careful out there? Don't let them get a reaction out of you, no matter what they ask. Or what they say about me."

"I will," he mumbled, humming against your skin as he placed open-mouthed kisses along the side of your body, nipping at your waist before pulling away. He made his way to his closet, shooting a playful knowing glance at you when he saw how you propped yourself up on your elbows to enjoy the view. "Go back to sleep, sweetheart," he chuckled, throwing on his usual running gear of a black t-shirt with the Legendary logo and black shorts that were definitely a size too small with how the garment hugged and accentuated his hips and upper thighs. Not to mention how those shorts made it all too obvious that your boyfriend happily and proudly chooses neither when it came to the age-old debate of boxers or briefs.

He walked back toward the bed, sitting on the edge and leaning over you to capture your lips in a heated kiss, as if it had been weeks since he'd done it last rather than mere minutes. His hand freely roamed your side, lightly grasping at your hips while he slowly laid you back down flat on the bed. Once he had, he broke the kiss to press his lips to the tip of your nose, then to your forehead.

"I'll wake you when I'm back home. Promise me you won't check on those pages again. None of them deserve our time, or our emotions. I love you, goddess."

"I promise. I love you, too."

A/N: Welcome to the second part of the 'said it first' arc! This would probably be the angstiest moment in their entire relationship and precious bf meow meow really answered her "I'm leaving" with "No ur not I love u 🥺" and we love him for it your honor

Three more parts to this arc and hopefully I can pull myself out of playing my lil games long enough to actually get to writing any of the pieces in my rotation 😅🫡

Here's a gif for everyone who reads 'til the end of the post…this be what the blorbos were like in that last scene:

'everything' taglist: @simplyholl @loopsisloops @imalovernotahater @coldnique @loz-3 @huntress-artemiss @salempoe @vickie5446 @athalialaufeyson @lokiprompts @kats72 @kikster606 @asgards-princess-of-mischief @lokixryss @thomase1 @mischief2sarawr @lovingchoices14 @lunarnights95 @goblingirlsarah @iamlokisgloriouspurpose @creationsbyme @maple-seed @mjsthrillernp @ladyofthestayingpower @mygfloki @sititran @glitterylokislut @ozymdias @fictive-sl0th @lokidbadguy @mochie85 @silverfire475 @joyful-enchantress @elizabethmidnight2017 @holdmytesseract @smolvenger @gigglingtiggerv2 @lokidokieokie @lunarnights95 @superficialdomina @kmc1989 @november-rayne @goddessofwonderland @buttercupcookies-blog @peaky-marvel @lokiified @tom-hlover

[hazbinsboss]

Deal (OOC Alastor x Reader) 18+ Minors DNI

Reader is somewhat like Charlie, but her patience wore too thin with the sinners. So she finally makes the deal with Alastor to truly unite their powers in order to wage war against Heaven. Established relationship with Alastor, reader is fem, smut, lowkey kinda soft Alastor because the reader finally gave in to the side that he always knew she had.

Praise kink, slight ownership kink, soft Dom Alastor, penetrative sex, dry humping kinda, Alastor likes to use his ability to snap your clothes off, over-stim fem receiving.

The moment that she knew that she wasn’t destined to save the sinners of hell from extermination, that she couldn’t rally them together through peace, the deal was sealed with Alastor. If they won’t save themselves out of kindness and want for a better life then they move to war.

“If they won’t save themselves because they want to, we’ll force them to” She said to Alastor, the radio demon shown a bright, neon green. “Oh how I was waiting for this moment, my dear” The man's usual smile growing wider green stitches appeared as his smile grew. “To wage this war, give me your strength, your power. Your soul” Alastor says, and Y/N extends her hand, sealing the deal. A tinge of remorse for Charlie, Vaggie, and the rest of the hotel patrons hits her, but it is quickly submerged as Alastor takes her by her waist. “Don’t make me regret this, Alastor” Y/N says as her arms snake around his neck, pulling him down till her lips meet his. He pulls away, letting their feet hit the floor. Bringing a finger underneath her chin and guiding her chin upwards so that she was looking up at him. “My love, you know I always make good on my deals” He gives a genuine smile to her, and with that the planning of the war is to begin.

“We have to deal with Lucifer and Charlie…” Y/N said, and she knew what she had to do and to be honest with herself those were the two other people she genuinely felt bad about betraying. Especially since Lucifer trusted her so much and Charlie trusted Alastor with her life. “With us two at each other's side, we’ll be able to deal with them. Now, don’t think it’ll be easy, but it will be easier than if it were just myself or you” Alastor tries to comfort her in his own twisted way. “However, we still have days to work. Why don’t we let some stress go. Now doesn’t that sound nice, love?”

“Mean-” Before she could even reply, his lips met hers again. But this time there was more to it than the previous time, as Alastor again hooks his arm around her waist bringing her impossibly close to himself. "Mm, that's what I mean, my darling doe" his voice is soft, egging her on to relinquish control to him again. He brings a hand to caress her jawline and with a small snap of his finger the couple were brought into his private bedroom in the hotel. His room had an area that was designated forest, for his tendency to eat deer meat. However his room was mainly black and red, his bed adorned with gold details, mainly that of deer horns or the prints of hooves.

Alastor pushes her onto his satin lined comforter on his bed, following her down he hooks his knee under her legs, pushing her leg up and widening the gap. His clothed bulge push up against her, and she lets out a gasp unprepared for Alastor to be so willing and ready for her. Her hands traveled to his chest fumbling with his coat buttons as he bites and kisses her neck, leaving a trail of hickeys down to her collarbone. Still grinding against her, he again snaps his fingers with a free hand and they're both undressed. "My doe you don't have to work too hard" Alastor half moans as she ruts up against him unexpectedly. He nuzzles into her neck as a hand travels down to meet her sensitive clit, positioning himself so he can glide his cock against her. "Especially since you've finally given up on that side that I always knew you had. My good girl~" He says, his husk voice coming through in between is quiet grunts. "Alastor" Y/N moaned his name as her fingers racked against his back leaving faint red marks that would certainly be there in the morning.

"Are you ready my dear?" he asks as he feels how slick she was, how eager her body is for him. "Y...Yes" She whines as Alastor stopped thrusting momentarily, holding his cock and slowly pushing himself into her. Her body shudders as she feels the head of his cock sliding into her with such ease, how used to him her body was. She arches up against him and he takes the chance to start thrusting into her. He leans down as he continues his movements "You're mine, my little doe... All. Mine" He heaves clearly being strung out from how well she fits around him. A strung out whine is ripped from her chest before Alastor's lips connected with hers, somehow the thought that she was truly his made this session all the more pleasurable.

And with that he began again leaving trails of very obvious hickeys across her neck, shoulders, breasts. He wanted to show off how much he owned her, how much love he can give her despite every believing he was incapable of love. His thrusts began to get erratic, harder, his moans getting a little bit louder, while Y/N was all fucked out for him. Her eyes glazing over, and nearly screaming his name almost every other thrust. He could tell she was close from the way her body was squeezing him, the way her walls vibrated against his cock.

"Cum, my love. Just for me"

With that her body spasms in his arms, his back falling victim to the clawing of her nails, and she screams his name. Louder than ever before, and with her scream Alastor moves a hand down to her clit to continue rubbing her off. And she cries, whines and writhes under the over stimulating feeling as he continues to fuck her. "The hotel will know who's in charge now..." He groans, and he feels himself tightening and twitching. His balls tighening and his shaft twitching as he orgasms, feeling his cum seeping into her. Her body milking him dry as she continues to sob until Alastor stops ministering his fingers on her clit.

He pulls out and a string of his cum follows as his cock leaves her body. He snaps his fingers quickly, a soft warm rag in his hands. Alastor cleans himself then her, giving her a forehead kiss before throwing the rag over to the dirty laundry. He lays down next to her, pulling her into his arms. "Good girl darling, you did so well" Alastor whispers into her ear with a following array of sweet nothings until she fell asleep against his chest. Alastor follows suit as he lets the feeling of black flicker over his vision.

That’s all for today, it’s been a MINUTE since I wrote smut but with my hyperfixating on Hazbin, and simping over Alastor it works

[lovdlydaz]

black!top!amab reader x bttm!koutarou bokuto

bokuto was getting more and more desperate for you, it was so bad he couldn't even wait after games. so you teach him to be patient... with your own methods.

warnings: nsfw, praise, degradation, edging, begging, permission to cum, oral (reader!receiving), impatient bo, pet names such as "puppy", master kink, hardcore musk kink, PDA if you close one eye, bdsm, multiple orgasms

a/n: i am literally so braindead over this man, he's invaded my life and won't come out. happy birthday bokuto!

your poor little owl boy had been rutting up against you ever since he had woken up this morning. he was so desperate to feel you, touch you, have you hold him close that when he had to go to practice that day, he skipped it entirely to stay in the house with you. you didn't understand why he wanted to be so close to you, you both did live in the same house after all... you gave him so much love, so much of what he truly needed. but, he got more and more whiny every day, more whimper-y every day, more needy.

he was little a puppy in heat to you, constantly trying to rub up against you, hold you, smell you, just keep you close. he wanted to stay near you, so badly had he wanted to just crawl into your skin to be even closer to you. you didn't understand it, maybe bokuto was just a puppy in heat...

well, today was the day of his biggest game yet. it was against argentina, and he was more than pumped for this day. he had been training just for this, for his hits to be the hardest they’ve ever been. however, his neediness was up to its peak at this point, and he just kept whining and whining when you told him to get out of bed. he only had a few minutes to get ready yet he was glued to you like grease to a pan.

“bo… you gotta get off me okay? you gotta get ready for your big day okay puppy?” you sweet talked him, he wasn’t all that great with yelling or harsh tones (tism at its finest). he just kept whining, his grip around your waist getting tighter and tighter. sometimes you forgot how strong your dear boy was, now he was basically crushing your hip bones with his strength. you tapped him, but he didn’t let up.

“don’t wanna leave you,” he mumbled, keeping his face covered in your back which he loved. he loved everything about you, that was for certain. he genuinely wanted to keep you close, keep you safe. he loved you too much, way too much. but, he had to get to the game, and he hadn’t taken a shower or anything. so, you sighed, getting up out of your shared bed (by force, bokuto shoved himself into your bed and didn’t move the first few nights you stayed together).

you kept him around your waist as you walked, and he never let go of you. you turned on the bath and told him to hold his arms up, stripping him of your shirt that he wore all the time. he also wasn’t wearing shorts, just boxers. you stripped him before he latched himself against you once more, you were just in boxers since bokuto never wanted you to wear many clothes when you went to bed. you could call this toxic or controlling, but that’s just how he was. he loved your scent, your musk, he adored it. he adored everything about you, and that was prominent in everything he did.

hence that’s why he was being washed by you, while in your lap. poor boy just kept clinging to you, like you were going to leave him. you weren’t, obviously, but he always thought you would. after his relationship with his ex, keiji akaashi (yes i ship bokuaka fight me), he always thought you were going to leave him. but, you never were, it was just his attachment issues. he stayed close to you, cuddled up into your body and your well-formed chest.

“don’t wanna go,” he whined, now you were dressing him in his uniform and travel outfit. he just kept trying to hold you as you dressed him, more than once having to swat his hand away from your body because you needed to dress him properly. he was so needy for you, honestly it was a little annoying. but, every time he stared at you with those big golden eyes of his you couldn’t stay mad at him for long. he was too cute for you, way too cute. yet most of his opponents say he’s the scariest out of them all. even after sakusa, which is saying something.

once he was fully dressed you could feel a pair of rough hands wrap around your waist yet again, chuckling as you held him close. your big bo was such a doll, such a treat yet you still needed to get him to the car. “kou kou, c’mon… you gotta go puppy, i’ll be in the stands cheering you on okay?” you cooed, the white-and-black haired boy shaking his head. “won’t be close to you,” he whimpered, shushing him as you talked to him.

“kou, you know i got those really close seats, almost right next to you yeah? you’re be as close as you can to me, okay love?” you comforted him, making him somewhat relax his bear-tight grip around your waist. though, he was still clinging onto you, which you didn’t need.

so, sighing softly you just waddled to your car, basically ripping bokuto off your hips and softly placing him in the car. you sat in and put on your seatbelt, yet you find a pair of veiny tan hands wrapping around your waist yet again. for some reason, koutarou had a godly obsession with your waist. it was so small, so feminine, and fit into his hands so well. that was another thing he loved about you, how skinny yet built you were, but you could easily pick him up with no trouble. and, you were only a few inches taller than him, but he cherished the height difference so much.

"bo, i have to put my seatbelt on. do you want me to get into an accident and die? then you won't have anyone to cuddle aggressively," you spat, though you had to admit you did say it a little harshly. because you looked back and bokuto was staring at the window, leaning against the door with tears in his eyes. you felt oh so terrible, guess you had forgotten how sensitive your lover was. "oh c'mon puppy... i'm sorry okay? you just have to be more patient and wait until your big day is up okay?" you tried to comfort him, but a small whimper and a huff was all you got in response.

you felt bad, really bad. you didn't mean to lose your temper, he had just been clinging onto you so much that it started to annoy you. but, you knew why he did it, why he did everything he did. you just let it slip on accident. he knew how much you loved him, how much you cared for him. he was just such a clingy puppy, you didn't know what to do.

the drive to the gymnasium was quieter than usual, soft sniffles being heard from the dual-haired male sitting besides you. your heart cracked with every one, you felt so terrible for making your boyfriend upset, you wanted to make it up to him. but, then again, he needed to learn how to be patient. he was getting way too needy nowadays, it got so bad that his coach had to come and pull you to the side to talk about his behavior. like a teacher would to a parent with a trouble-child.

"koutarou hasn't been very focused lately. he keeps mumbling about wanting to... 'hold master' and things like 'i miss him'. do you have anything to do with that?" his coach asked, making your face flush red hot at the first part. you just chuckled nervously and nodded, scratching the back of your neck. "oh- well yes, yes i do. see, i'm koutarou's boyfriend. we have this... thing. but, i'll talk to him about it, don't worry sir!" you stumbled over your words a little, but he got the message. he smiled and nodded, waving to you while he walked out. you waved back, and that was the day you decided enough was enough.

you parked in a V.I.P spot you had bought for yourself, getting out of the car and getting your boyfriend's stuff. he got out as well, but he still clinged onto you. he could never stay mad at you for long, and you both knew that. vice versa. so, as you felt him cling to you you just smiled softly, running your hands through his stiff hair—and by running your hands though i mean just moving them up and down—made you have to carry his fucking ginormous volleyball bag that he manages to carry with him to every game/practice.

after a grueling 20 minutes of walking with your star boyfriend around your waist and his heavy ass bag on your shoulder, you finally arrived to the court he was supposed to be practicing on. of course, you were late. and, you had warned bokuto about this, so now he had to be peeled off by his coach and forced to run 20 sprints for being late. of course he did that with ease, he was a fucking gym rat and literally drooled over the treadmill (that was a red flag in your opinion /j), so running wasn't much for him. however when he was finished he looked around, not seeing you and his eyes going soft.

you had went into the stands, saving your spot down there near the court to get an up close look on bokuto. and, when you had put your stuff down you went to the concessions to get drinks and food for you and koutarou.

once you came back the boys were warming up, and you cheered your lover on when he got a good spike. his head shot backwards and he met your eyes, those beautiful locks you had swinging as you nodded to him with a smile. he grinned from ear to ear, feeling his mood visibly change and the court took note of that too. you being there made bokuto want to show off for you, even though you knew of his special ability on the court.

✩░▒▓▆▅▃▂▁ ＬＯＡＤＩＮＧ… ▁▂▃▅▆▓▒░✩

the game was won 2-3, your lover's team (MSBY black jackals) being the victors yet again. with amazing defensive players like kiyoomi and shiron to tiny yet mighty surprises like hinata, you were sure this year the jackals would go undefeated. though, when you went down to congratulate your boyfriend the owl boy had the nerve to just kiss you in front of all his team, making the kiss deep and passionate. you obviously didn't object this motion, however when you snapped back to reality you pulled away from koutarou, his teammates watching you both with... different looks.

kiyoomi was disgusted due to his fear of any sort of germs (hence why he was bitchless), hinata was staring at the floor with a flushed expression, atsumu was giving you both a thumbs up and winking, romeo and the others were just staring at you two. after that whole awkward three seconds you pulled bokuto by the arm, grabbing his bag and hooking it over your shoulder as you steadily jogged back to the car with him in tow.

"hey!! i wasn't finished talking to my friends!" your boyfriend whined, but hearing your silence made him go quiet. once you both got to the car you slammed the door when you got in, looking over at your puppy and seeing those big golden eyes go soft with embarrassment. "what was that, koutarou?" you asked, using his full first name—not a good sign. he could tell you were visibly upset, yet your tone stayed calm and behaved. "w— well i— i just wanted to show you how much i love you—" he was cut off by the car turning on, then you pulling out from the gym to dart straight back to your humble abode.

you got out of the car and grabbed bokuto's things, whilst he grabbed yours as well. you both walked into the house together, tossing your shit somewhere before you had koutarou pinned against the wall, staring down at him with fierce eyes. "kou, you know how much i love you right?" your tone was sweet and mellow, but your demeanor was ragged and harsh. all the poor boy could do was nod his head, staring deep into those scary e/c eyes you were boring down at him right now. "so why on god's green earth did you make a kiss so passionate and steamy in front of all those people, plus it was streamed on live television?" your voice got harsher, making bokuto flinch. it wasn't that you didn't enjoy it, no it was the fact that bokuto had been pushing and pushing your patience, and this was the final straw.

"i— i-i... got j—jealous..." he mumbled, stuttering as blush fell over his face. "y-you were talking with someone and... and it wasn't me! it made me jealous!" he exclaimed, making you chuckle darkly. "bokuto, that was my friend. F-R-I-E-N-D. you didn't need to do that," your hand travelled to his neck, just holding it there but not squeezing. "i-i'm sorry m/n... i won't do it again!" well that was a bold-face lie. he would most certainly do it again, nobody gets to talk to you without him at your arm. "oh don't lie bo, i know you better than the back of my hand." you told him, looking down at him with a grim expression. he was shaking at this point, hot and sweaty from the game yet there was also a hard point down where his legs were that you could faintly feel through the fabric of his shorts.

raising an eyebrow you stared him up and down, smirking when you saw those large puppy dog eyes he always wore. “looks like i need to teach my puppy a lesson, yeah?” you asked, though it was a rhetorical question. he nodded, however, knowing that he was in big trouble now.

and you weren’t going to play nice.

now here he was, tied up against the headboard and back arching off the bed. his big bright eyes were glossy and filled with small tears as he looked up at you. you were torturing his cock, rubbing the tip with his own precum. he kept whimpering, more noises leaving his throat as the pleasure just built inside him. he was wearing a cockring, it was helping him not orgasm. he needed something more, something more than what he was being received. sure, he loved this, but he needed to let one out since it was right after a game.

“m—m/n… p-please…” he begged, but you weren’t letting up. “bo, you know why i’m doing this, right?” he nodded, he knew how much trouble he had caused after the game but it was all in good faith. it wasn’t his fault that he got jealous over every person that talked to you. it wasn’t his fault that he felt a need to be possessive over you. he had gained a connection with you that he hadn’t gotten from anyone, even his ex. so like hell he was going to let that go.

“but— but— please i… wan’ cum,” he mumbled, voice cracking as he jutted his hips up into your palm. he was still hard as shit, pre-cum covering his whole cock, base to tip. “you aren’t going to orgasm until you apologize, okay? and don’t make it rushed.” you were stern with your punishment, your puppy needed to learn not to mess with his master. so, bokuto’s eyes rolled to the back of his head, moans escaping him as he felt his orgasm approaching.

you took your hand off of him before he could orgasm, making him whine on so loudly. you smirked, your cock was against the bed, leaking with every noise your lover made. it was so hard it almost hurt, but you needed to show koutarou that you weren’t giving him the easy way out anymore. “y—you… bully…” he huffed, pressing his back against the headboard once more as he tried to calm down. but just in a few seconds you were stroking his cock again, making his eyes roll back and more pre-cum fall from his red-and-purple tip. he was most definitely losing his mind, and it was all your fault.

"just apologize bo... i wanna let my puppy cum, but he's been such a bad boy lately. can't give bad boys what they want now can we?" you cooed, your large hand moving up and down his large shaft. he was on the verge of tears, crying out in pleasure and jittering like a broken robot. he just needed to orgasm, his lower stomach hurt with the urge to orgasm, but it wasn't there just yet. " 'm sorry..." he mumbled, letting a small tear fall. "what koutarou?" you inquired, making him gulp down the building saliva in his throat.

" 'm s-so sorry m/n... please just— let m' cum— i can' take it n'more... i won't b-be so possessive n'more... please master!" he almost screamed, light sobs leaving his throat afterwards. you felt as though he had earned it, so you smirked, speeding up your hand and taking off the cockring. "cum kou kou, cum for your master yeah? be a good boy and cum for me," you were almost begging for it, but it didn't take long for spurts of white to escape his aching cock, making koutarou moan almost the loudest he ever had. he was seeing white in his vision, it was so euphoric to him. he needed more of that, he craved more.

you bit your lip, looking down at your big boy with a smile. "good boy... such a good boy yeah?" you praised him, and he just whimpered. he was slowly going dumb, but he wasn't dumb enough to stop thinking words. "m-more..." he whined, looking up at you wit those beautiful eyes of his. your heart almost cracked, but you had to stay strong. "more? is that what you want kou kou?" you inquired, him nodding. he wanted more, he needed more than what he was receiving. this wasn't enough, he wanted your cock inside him so bad. that's why he had been so clingy lately, because he wanted you to fuck him just like this.

"you gotta use your big boy words puppy," you cooed, making him writhe on the bed with embarrassment. but, he needed your cock so bad, so he decided to comply. "i-i... want your cock... please..." he mumbled, and you could obviously hear it but you just wanted to tease him. "hm? speak up puppy, i didn't quite hear you." you spurred on the behavior, making bokuto whine. "need your cock i-in me! please!" he squeaked, making you chuckle darkly. "that's a good boy."

you took your hand off his cock, anchoring his legs up and grabbing the warm lube. you put some on your fingers and pushed two inside, making koutarou shake his head but moans left his throat. "n-no! don' wan' fingers! wan' your cock!" he squealed, a soft sob leaving his throat as he cried out. "ah ah ah, be patient koutarou. or else you won't be getting my cock for the rest of the night," you threatened him, making him immediately shut up. "yeah? good boy bo." you cooed, pressing your fingers into his prostate.

the moan that left his throat went straight to your cock, making you have to gulp down a growl as you continued. "such a slutty little desperate whore you are... moaning over some fingers? god you're insufferable..." you degraded him, which made his cock twitch even more. "i-i'm g'na cum— let m-me cum—" he begged with all his might, but you pulled your fingers out before he could get that sweet release. he whined so loud, god it got you harder than ever.

"wh-why did you—" but before he could answer that question, you shoved yourself inside him, making his body shake as his muscles bulged. he tightened himself around you and that made you bite your lip, taking his hair and pulling on it, forcing him to arch his back. "ah! w-wh—" you didn't let him process it as you were already balls deep inside him, thrusting in and out of his ass making him scream out into the area.

"yes, good boy, take this cock," you encouraged him to keep going, keep taking you deep inside him since he needed it more than ever. he was close too, so when you hit a particular spot inside him he cried out in pleasure, staining the sheets with white. you chuckled and grabbed his sensitive organ, making the smaller beneath you whine and try to get away. only to shove himself deeper onto your cock, making him moan loudly and fall onto the bed.

you grabbed his hips and started to pound him, grinning when you saw how desperate he was truly becoming. he was just a pathetic little slut, a dumb puppy ready to take your cock any time of the day. you knew after that date where you two had sex he would be hooked, you fucked him so well and you had a cock like no other. he was addicted, he wouldn't be afraid to admit that, but he could also never get enough of you.

he whimpered and struggled, not too much though because you would smack his ass every time he did struggle. he loved the feeling of being stuffed full, with his large 6'4 self he really couldn't get that feeling on his own y'know. so, with you only being a few inches taller and with a bigger cock than his he was more than grateful to have you, and would never let go. he could feel another orgasm roll through his veins, making him clench around your cock. you could feel your balls tighten as your nonstop thrusts got even harder.

"you want this cum baby? want master's hot and thick seed deep inside your slutty pussy huh?" you grunted, going as fast as you could go. you were hitting his prostate spot on, and that was making bokuto lose his mind. he nodded his head, making 'mhm' noises really fucking loudly. you grabbed the back of his throat and pushed it down, making him choke. "speak up puppy." you growled, making his ass clench around you more. "y-yes master! wan' it s'bad!" he screamed, making you grit your teeth as you plowed his insides.

with a low groan you busted deep into his ass, making him cum around your cock. the sheets were yet again stained with white, but as he was about to get off your cock you grabbed his hips, shoving yourself deep inside him.

"oh you thought we were done?"

—————————

when he got to practice the next day, the day was filled with either the coach asking if he needed to sit today out or questions from his teammates about his condition. atsumu was the only one who was gasing on him about letting his boyfriend fuck his ass to the point of soreness in the morning, but at least he had a great ass time at practice. and you had a good day at work.

© gg 2023. dividers were made by me. do not steal, use, or repost my work without my consent. reblogging/interaction is welcomed.

[trashybugs]

[Fanservant] Pan-Human-History Fairy King Oberon

PHH Fairy King Oberon

Class: Ruler

PROFILE

Default:

The great fairy king and the ruler of the Seelie court. Different from his Lostbelt counterpart who was born as a doomsday terminal, this fairy king lives just to enjoy life and be happy.

Although he was born as the elven king Alberich from the Germanic folklore Nibelungenlied, as time progresses, he has incarnated into a more famous portrayal from Shakespeare's "Midsummer Night Dream". He loves fame and attention, he doesn't mind shedding his old shell to become a more resplendent butterfly.

He is very capable in combat and holds a great strength, capable of controlling the nature and weather even from a change of mood. Because of his overwhelming strength, he's used to toying with his enemies and underestimating them. He prefers to summon his fae servants to fight for him while he watches from a fair distance with a benevolent (cruel) smile.

Bond 1:

Height/Weight: 183cm, 60kg (not counting antlers)

Origin: Germanic folklore, medieval European literature

Region: Britain (formerly), Avalon

Alignment: Chaotic-Neutral

Gender: Male

"My my, dearest, pray tell, why are you staring at me with that innocent, doe-eyed eyes look of yours... are you that astonished at how different I am to that pathetic, washed-out mimicry?

As expected, not a single being in any realm could come close to my greatness after all. Of course, there's a limit to what playing pretend could do... Now, come sit beside me. I would love to hear what you think of me."

A flirty, unrestrained, and outgoing monarch. Oberon has gathered a lot of lovers from varying races in his lifetime, and he's still open into adding more to his harem.

Bond 2:

While he loves gathering beautiful people for himself, he also takes great enjoyment in playing matchmaker and seeing other people's relationship develop, for the best or the worst.

A complete opposite from his other self who appreciates and finds value in everything, this Oberon does not bother attaching meaning in anything he chases. He doesn't view relationships and connections as something that should be cherished, for in the infamous Shakespearian play, his wife has proven to still love him no matter what he does.

He has a great many desires but his motives seem to be empty and short-sighted. As seen in the play, he gave his queen, Titania, a love potion to prank her without thinking much of what will happen after its effects wore off. He received no consequences for his actions and the story eventually brushed aside the quarrel that they had, further enabling his behavior. To him, there never seemed to be a problem that came his way or a moment in the story that criticized his faulty mindset.

His appetite for the world is unquenchable, as he views everything in it as worthy of enjoyment. He seeks to collect everything that shines before his eyes, yet as his collection grows, so does his dissatisfaction. What motives he has to obtain them are but a momentary fancy, but due to his own frivolous nature, he's fundamentally incapable of realizing and fulfilling his desire for a genuine attachment

Oberon lives as any pan-human history fairies will do, living life as he pleases.

Bond 3:

Being one of the great-father of the fae realm, Oberon, who came from the inner sea of the planet and has no connection with human civilization, is very connected to nature.

This can be seen with his appearance, a large beautiful antlers that attracts birds and insects to land on it, and legs resembling a stag. his outfit and a flowery cloak that is magically created by his fae servants. He’s adorned with jewelries from humans who gave him offering as a way to pass his territory safely. In some legend his pearls are made out of maiden’s tears.

with a face that is blessed to be forever beautiful, he is a king that is fitting to rule the fae realm.

Without his beloved queen Titania to accompany him, he took in her role and personality. He developed more gentle, nurturing, almost motherly role to the fairies around him.

As long there’s nature around him, he could give birth to new fairies on a whim using little bit of mana from his Fairy Patterns. He sires many children from that method of reproduction alone but he also took enjoyment in creating them with others. Such as his consorts and random human maidens.

In some legends he have another famous fairy queen besides Titania, named queen Mab

Bond 4:

Oberon was horrified and amused upon finding out about his other self. A pretend prince in rags and naught a kingdom to speak of. A solitary, spineless insect who is content to forever stare at the star above him instead of dragging it down for himself.

Oberon can't wrap his mind on the way his other self sees the world, and while he agrees that stories should not be forgotten, he thinks they should rightfully be enjoyed forever, else they don't qualify as something interesting. In that case, they might as well be obsolete in his eyes.

In the end he took great enjoyment in observing his other self, and wouldn't even mind extending his affections toward him.

After all, he is still his beloved's master compatriot.

Bond 5:

Though his favor is true in a sense, his seeming infatuation with the Chaldean master urges him to act as though he's madly in love with them. In truth, he initially sees them as a form of entertainment, something to satisfy his curiosity and burgeoning envy as to why his other self-took so much liking towards them.

His yearning for the fictitious Titania might perhaps be even stronger than that of Oberon Vortigern's, for he sees Titania as his rightful wife in the myth, unlike Oberon Vortigern who is simply a pretender. As time goes on, his desperation to have a genuine affection for his master grows, leading him to question why their relationship with his other self seems to flourish more than it does with him. He's failed to understand that his connection with his master is fundamentally different, as the relationship between his other self and the Chaldean master have been forged through a long journey together in Lostbelt Britain.

Despite his strong longing for a true love, he doesn't put much effort in trying to find it nor is his attachment to that desire strong enough to make him hate Pan Human History.

"After all, the world is a beautiful place filled with enjoyment, what would be the point in destroying such things?"

The world is but a playground to him, in the end.

big thanks to my friend @lamunana who helps me brainstorm his lore, write her own ideas and even fix my grammar!

[ray-winters]

it has (as of a fee days ago) officially been a year since i first saw screamd, and i have got to say it feels like i have lived a MILLION different lives in that time. screamd gave me so much and i genuinely dont know where i’d be without it, or what id be doing right now. its funny how one silly little thing can change so much!!

how does it feel for you? i mean im sure your life has changed a lot since the start of it all

Daaaang dude! Well to be 100%, I'd say that you did do a lot for the show in terms of supporting it & helping to curate a lasting fanbase, so. It's all mutually appreciated 🤘🏻

Long answer below. For me, Scream'd has been the most affirming project I've ever been involved with. I won't lie, I get down on myself from time to time. I'm turning 30 next year and I've never really done like a BROADWAY show, or a tour, or whatever. I know many people who have, so like, it's hard not to compare yourself- though I try not to bc comparison is the death of originality.

But, like. Honestly dude Scream'd changed my life. Regardless of the fact that I've been a huge Scream fan for over a decade, this show is perfect for me. It's spooky, stupid, edgy, and my brand of humor 100%, AND ON TOP OF THAT, it's so gay. It's given everyone at Majestic and me international attention, which is so rad bc I feel like I have this like. Support base out there in the ether. Which when I'm feeling down about myself I remember and it gives me so much like, personal strength/motivation. I've met some people who have genuinely changed my life via this project- such as Joey who is now one of my besties for like the rest of my life, as well as my final girl Liz who shares a brain with me, and so many other new friends. AND NOW I get to share it with my husband when he's on for Dewey, who I've always had a lil crush on.

I feel like I'm a part of something that, regardless how silly it is, means something to a large group of people. It's made with love, performed and produced with love, and 9.9 times out of 10 received with love. And something tells me this is just the beginning. I'm just insanely grateful for all of it.

[celebrimborium]

some musings about character dynamics going forward (and s2 introspective)

This is a long post because I have a lot of thoughts about this.

For the record: I did like S2 a lot. But I want to specifically talk about character relationships and dynamics which is one department where it was lacking in comparison to S1 imo (with the notable exception of Sauron/Celebrimbor). I find it interesting that S2 has been praised by some demographics and corners of the internet that hated on S1 and I do worry about what that might mean for the direction of the show but I'd rather focus on the storytelling. So let's go into that a little bit.

Season 1 vs. Season 2

The writers were clearly cooking something in S1 with all the different interactions: Elrond/Durin, Elrond/Galadriel, Galadriel/Sauron, Nori/Gandalf, Nori/Poppy, Míriel/Galadriel, Arondir/Bronwyn (RIP), Elendil/Isildur etc. It's what I loved most about the show. So many colours of friendship, mentorship, adversity, bonding. S2 gave us that with Sauron/Celebrimbor in a very twisted version and, to a lesser extent, Míriel/Elendil with chaste romantic implications. The rest was more surface level or under-written (including Valandil's exit and his quasi-parental relationship with Elendil or Kemen and his relationship with Pharazôn and so many other dynamics that needed time to breathe, although what we got there was good, don't get me wrong; and Durin III/Durin IV were the parental exception here, continuing their strong fraught father-son dynamic, the best scene of which is still the one in S1 where he strips him off his rank imo but the S2 finale coming in a close second). But back to the main point, I found this most egregious with Elrond and Galadriel where I liked the resolution and the basic tenets of the conflict but don't think they nailed the tone of their exchanges except perhaps in the boat workshop and then in Robert's brilliant silent acting in the finale.

Elrond and Durin? Leaned heavily on the groundwork from S1 because they got one measly little scene and that despite canon (= the totality of Tolkien's written works) actually providing the writers with a very clear narrative template in this case, with the Dwarves securing Elrond's retreat from battle, something that I expected to be one of the defining emotional and epic moments of the show after S1. Instead it barely received any attention. I don't mind the twist of not arriving in time but having Durin not come at all very much felt like sacrificing character for the sake of subverting expectations.

Sometimes you do have to cash in on the groundwork you have laid and they did the opposite with essentially all of the non-familial relationships that had a lot of strong foundation-building in S1, only to find them borderline abandoned in S2. Payne & McKay had a line in their House of R podcast interview which gives me pause, where they said that they prefer switching up character pairings and it sounded more like a creative writing exercise than something strictly speaking dictated by the organic flow of things, although I like them so I will assume they meant the latter. By all means, do switch up character pairings – I for one can't wait for Galadriel and Gandalf to meet up! – but don't do it just for the sake of it. Don't fix what ain't broken and in the process, break the things that do work.

The Sauron/Celebrimbor scenes were excellently written and acted and even they felt truncated and in fact would surely have been even more impactful if we had seen more of Halbrand/Celebrimbor becoming buddies in S1. As it was, it felt more like an office romance with a psycho co-worker gone wrong than a betrayal of a genuine friend and it speaks to the strength of the actors that it still worked; but due to the distribution of storylines and narrative attention, it did feel (in this case and in other cases) like the writers did not tap into some of the deeper wells that they easily could have (if just given slightly more time or making different choices about the breadth of the storytelling). There are no shortcuts with character interactions, you have to keep building them and you have to focus on these connections and how they shape the actions of the characters.

Characters like Gil-galad who's been very much on the backburner for two (!) seasons now can't just be elevated to protagonist status out of nowhere in S3. I mean, I very much hope it happens, and different characters should get the spotlight at different times, but S1 managed its ensemble well and you had multiple meaningful, deep relationships (from scratch) and I don't understand how S2 failed to capitalize on that. It were mainly the new connections that popped. Sauron/Celebrimbor, Elrond/Círdan... but why not tap into the S1 relationships? We got good continuation with Durin/Durin, Durin/Disa and Míriel/Elendil, so close (quasi-)familial relationships basically where characters stayed close together geographically. That obviously makes sense. But travel isn't a real impediment on the show, to the point where some people complain about the logistics of it (which I personally don't care much about but distances shouldn't be arbitrary, of course, and ideally inform character interactions; so I enjoyed the Dwarves figuring into the Eregion storyline more strongly due to the proximity). And in any case, Elrond and Durin IV did meet, albeit just once, briefly.

If Elrond and Durin had gotten an actual heart-to-heart, like an actual conversation, perhaps even with a cameo from his children or Disa, instead of just a quick "hi and bye", that would have gone such a long way to reframing their experiences during S2 and would have worked as a mirror of their initial S1 setup – meeting again after having missed important events in each others' lives, bringing each other other up to speed, leaning on a friend to gather strength. (I would like to imagine they had that conversation and that it did play a role in Elrond accepting having to use Nenya in the finale – the moment felt earned but I have seen people question Elrond's trajectory and I can't blame them, when so much of it was only explicit at the start of the season. I understand that there was a certain urgency to the situation but you can also have an urgent conversation between them, e.g. as Elrond is already preparing to leave again, having made his request. So many things you could do. Although, to be fair, I don't want to overemphasize this point as it is fairly negligible in the grand scheme of how these arcs were set up for these characters this season.)

Galadriel and Adar meeting again was... okay but somehow also failed to capture what it would actually mean for them to go from animosity to reluctant allies. Galadriel had such a strong aversion to him in their barn scene but then when they meet again, all the tension... is muted? (I did like the very brief kinship over their experiences with Sauron, as well as the scene she had with Celebrimbor where they were allowed to feel a kinship over being victims of his manipulations – excellent scene, but just one scene and with not much to build on in terms of an established Celebrimbor/Galadriel friendship.)

Sauron and Adar not even having a single personal conversation/confrontation before Adar's demise was such a waste as well...? It's all perfectly set up but then... they go for the mirror image instead of an actual confrontation like the one that was teased/promised in episode 6 of S1? (And the promise renewed with the flashback at the start of S2.) The irony of Adar being killed by his own 'children' is not lost on me but surely there was more to it than that. The dynamic between Adar and Sauron, so brilliantly explored in the S2 premiere in the scene where Halbrand is held captive, deserved more realization on the part of Adar (in the moment of his death). This also, in fact, applies to Adar's realization that Halbrand is Sauron. Surely should have been an actual thing on-screen and not off-screen? How do you not seize on such a moment? Even if he suspected earlier, he must have had some moment of final realization and confirmation? If it really was only during his conversation with Galadriel, then what was it that tipped him off? It rather seemed like he already knew. Maybe he knew since ep 6 of S1. But it was crazy that they left his perspective on that unexplored.

The same goes for Mirdania being killed unceremoniously which served its narrative purpose but again prioritized a shock or twist moment (literally, twist of the hand) over centering the perspectives of the characters. It was all set up perfectly for a reveal, horror dawning on her as she realizes what she has done and whom she has served and... we just never got it. Not even from the guards who switch their allegiance back to Celebrimbor without us even getting so much as a reaction shot as they witness the scene between him and Galadriel that may have been enough to sway them. The issue isn't that this happens – the question is whether the show wants us to live with these characters in those moments and inhabit their mental landscapes or not; the more the show allows this, the more immersive it becomes, which, for a fantasy show, is the primary objective (think of the S1 scene where Galadriel enters the ship in Númenor and Isildur and the others stand in awe – there are ways to sketch these surrounding characters of a central interaction without taking too much time... and seeing more of a close-up look at the realization of these guards and their renewed loyalty would surely have heightened the impact of their subsequent murder, as well as, perhaps, clarified the spell they are under and why it allows Sauron to manipulate them more so than those who have not (yet) given themselves to his power.)

Gandalf and Tom Bombadil could have been the beginning of a beautiful friendship but instead the writers very much got it in their head that this had to be Luke on Dagobar training with Yoda (Payne & McKay explicitly state this in several interviews) and then when they realized in the edit that that wasn't working, they cut back on it. Which is fine, but it makes me question where they start developing these dynamics from, having certain situations or moments in their head and wanting to get to those instead of letting the characters themselves drive the story.

S1 was more of a slow burn but they did such a good job setting all these character dynamics up and right when it feels like things should start coalescing in S2, I felt like they were chipping away at their own building blocks instead.

Having said all of that (and I'm sure there's more to say but I'm not one to typically write meta), here's my thoughts on some dynamics that I would like to see explored or established further or that I just have thoughts on in any case:

Galadriel/Sauron

Let's start with the obvious one. I know some people are sick of it, while for others Haladriel is essentially the whole appeal of the show. For me it's neither – I mostly like how it's handled in the show and mostly dislike the discourse surrounding it (especially from the haters but also from the AI-crazed shippers; I know there are sane people on either side of the fence). Their fans got crumbs in S2 to the point that it felt cruel so I have no idea who the show wants to cater to post-S1 (marketing being its own, often misleading thing). It'd be crazy to me if they drop this dynamic altogether though.

Their conflict was personal from the start with the way it was tied to Finrod's death and Galadriel's quest to avenge her brother, but it's now personal for entirely different reasons. Namely her shame and his obsession, the flipside to her initial pride and his indifference (to the fate of any particular person, illustrated by letting the nice old man drown).

Both are rooted in the strange companionship they experienced: He was in her heart and she is on his mind. She would like to forget (how close he got) and he cannot (forget how close he got to a power heightened in the presence of her).

Surely there's still something there to mine. Whether it's them crossing paths as she goes further East to recuperate in what will become Lothlórien and him going on a roadshow to recruit Men for his Nine rings or whatever. Frankly, I want her to go to Lindórinand and start her journey of becoming more powerful in her magic. Sorcerer versus 'witch'? Yes please. Let it be all-out psychological war between them but let it be something.

Galadriel/Gandalf

I know that it seems like they've set up Gandalf for a conflict with the Dark Wizard (whoever he is; they are certainly still trying to be coy for some reason, saying stuff like "I don't see how he could be Saruman" – well, you're the writer, you tell me! lol). I would personally be very much in favor of him crossing paths with Galadriel. I think this is needed at some point and I'd rather they get to it earlier than later. Reason being: His purpose is to defeat Sauron. Her quest has been to defeat Sauron. He has the destiny, she has the drive. They can take baby magic steps together.

I did like the Stranger storyline in S1 but one thing that S2 failed to do, in my opinion, is actually giving Gandalf a strong feeling of who he is and what he is supposed to do, which is ironic given that this was supposedly his season of self-discovery (or at least him choosing his name at the end would imply as much). But really, what has he discovered? The mystics mentioned the name Sauron to him and then Tom Bombadil just laid it all out but do we have any sense of Gandalf actually knowing anything about Sauron beyond him being a vague evil force and feeling some type of way about it beyond his own general good nature?

If not through meeting Galadriel, Gandalf will have to face the consequences of Sauron's actions in some other way and the conflict will have to become more personal. Whether and how Tom Bombadil or the Dark Wizard figure into that is another question but I rather think Gandalf needs to become a person in his own right and not just a chess figure to be moved across a board.

Círdan/Gil-galad

Give them one meaningful interaction. Please, I beg of you. That's all.

Elrond/Míriel

Now, call me crazy but hear me out. I know S3 is probably about establishing Rivendell for Elrond and perhaps being drawn into the Dwarven succession drama. But I'm all for breaking up the isolation of storylines and I really rather want Elrond to make it to Númenor at some point. It's difficult to see how that would work once Sauron is captured and taken there (presumably at the end of S3), so part of me wants him to journey there as the herald of Gil-galad to try and open diplomatic channels and negotiate about the presence of Númenor in Middle-earth (see colonizing efforts by Kemen) as well as an alliance to defeat Sauron. This could then lead into Númenorean forces setting off to Middle-earth instead of a letter calling for help. I know this is rather out there but I want S3 to contain a flashback to Elrond and Elros and I want Elrond to meet Míriel and for her to be encouraged in her faith in the old ways because nothing good is coming for my girl and I want her to have that small comfort. (An Elrond/Elros flashback could also be a S4 opener, if that's the fall of Númenor season, but I rather think such an opener should focus on the people of Númenor while anything with Elros should be more about Elrond imo. There's nothing saying such a flashback couldn't open a S3 episode of Elrond going to Númenor. Doesn't have to be the season opener. For a S3 opener, maybe do a flashback with Gil-galad to the First Age. Or with Morgoth. Either or, for S3 or S5, however it relates best to the themes of those seasons.)

Elendil/Gil-galad

I think this might be something for S4, rather, since Elendil will presumably spend some time in S3 reconnecting with Anárion and perhaps, eventually, Isildur, though if the fall of Númenor is only at the end of S4, then that will only leave S5 to have any relationship between them, since obviously Elendil has to stay until the fall (not ready for the Míriel/Elendil tragedy... especially with his first wife having drowned...). Actually, maybe in the first half of S3 he can reconnect with Anárion and then in the second half through Elrond's arrival (that I'm willing into existence) and secret communications with Míriel learn about what's going down in Middle-earth and become a pen pal of Gil-galad or something. Or maybe they can zoom via palantíri. I have no idea but this is one of those relationships that the show really has to try and build up properly and not just toss in for the last season.

Sauron/Kemen

Time to start recruiting underlings and unlike many, I don't think you have to be cool to qualify for becoming a Ring-wraith. The more pathetic, the better. I wonder if Sauron will pose as the King of the Southlands again and how he will worm his way into the colonies if not through brute force, which he could, having access to Adar's orc armies now. It'll be interesting if he turns his persuasion on the son first and then in S4 on the father. He could also go East to duke it out with the Dark Wizard for a while but maybe that would be for the first half of the season. Whichever way I think about it, I feel like next season really needs to have more episodes and be one of two halves since there's so much for everyone to do, places to go, characters to meet.

Míriel/Eärien

Kinda burying the lede but my biggest disappointment with S2 was the relative lack of female characters and meaningful relationships for those we still retained. That was in part due to Bronwyn's departure but Nori and Poppy also had much less screentime and focus and characters like Míriel were much more tied to male characters unlike in S1. I do like Míriel/Elendil, just saying. They are now parted anyway and I hope we can see Eärien take on an interesting dynamic with Míriel, since she is not without empathy but torn between her allegiances. I foresee a bad end for her but I want her to go out fighting, maybe becoming a spy for the Faithful or in any case redeemed before the end. Unlike Kemen, who will surely not be redeemed and possibly even abandoned by his father to his fate, whatever that might be.

Celeborn

If he shows up, I want him to be a sweetheart. The ultimate wife guy. I have nothing against him or his inclusion, I just struggle to see how we'd have enough time to dedicate to his introduction to make it meaningful enough. And I don't think Galadriel needs a husband to be complete. That would be a bad look. On the other hand, if they handle it well, I wouldn't mind it, because I liked the way she talked about him in S1. But it's all a question of how it's framed narratively. Certainly, if anything, him showing up in her life should not "domesticate" her as some misogynists are hoping but rather empower her to become an even more assured independent figure.

Last Thoughts

I love Durin and Disa and the Dwarven storyline was one of the strongest in S1 and again in S2 (although I felt some redundancy there, but episode 5 handled it excellently, as did episode 8 with the beautiful payoff in the Balrog scene). However, the more I think about it, the more I feel like the Dwarves as well as the Harfoots need to take a backseat in S3. Unfortunately, the Dwarven storyline was the only one explicitly set up with mention of Durin's brother – okay, fine, introduce him if you have to but please do not do that to the detriment of the characters we already have and kind of desperately need to see interacting and growing if this show is to have emotional depth (and it showed in S1 and S2 that it can have that depth). Like, we have to go deeper, not broader. Stop expanding the cast, aside from minor characters who help populate the world and colour in some social white space. I like that we got Círdan this season and his interactions with Elrond were meaningful but since he's not part of the core constellation of the conflicts set up in S1, these types of additions run the risk of being novelty creations, meant to hype or appease lorebros in particular, without necessarily helping to advance the overall emotional arc. Now, it did work with Círdan, not least of all because Ben Daniels did excellent work, and Círdan has a role to play in the War of the Last Alliance, but I am a little apprehensive about the calls to add Celeborn, as mentioned, and Glorfindel. I do want to see the latter but leave it to S4 or S5. Concentrate on (1) Númenor, (2) Sauron's rise in Middle-earth and the opposition to his rise (by Galadriel, Gil-galad, Elrond), (3) Gandalf's mission intersecting with point 2.

That's it. That should be S3. The War of the Elves and Sauron. That's what should be reflected in the character dynamics. I hope we don't get ghost!Celebrimbor haunting Sauron, as I've seen suggested, much as I loved Charles Edwards' performance. An allusion is fine but let's keep it focussed on the living characters and how the events may yet shape their world. If anything, the overwhelmingly positive reaction to Sauron/Celebrimbor should show the showrunners that people are clamoring for juicy character drama and interactions, not necessarily action and battles. Put two compelling characters in a room and let them do their work, you don't need an expensive vfx extravaganza like the barrow-wights scene, you need to serve character and then, like in the Balrog scene, awesome effects can enhance that, but the emotional interest needs to be there and that's the first and arguably most important part. (Although, please, by all means, do continue with the awesome visuals!)

The plot should be exciting, of course, and I think this helped sharpen S2 towards the end with a sense of urgency and momentum that many enjoyed (myself included), but this only works so long as it is grounded in an emotional reality we can recognize amid heightened fantastical settings. I love this world and I love so many of the creative decisions Payne & McKay and the team have taken and I'm sure some restrictions (like the episode number) are somewhat out of their hands but I hope they can refine and remember the vision they had when they started S1 without it fraying at the ends or buckling under the pressure of former haters who don't even make up the majority of the audience nor were ever mature enough to articulate their hate for the storytelling choices in S1 beyond basic sexism/racism and a fundamental misunderstanding of themes that were dear to Tolkien. Adaptations always invite comparison and discussion but at the end of the day, The Rings of Power is a television series and while it does not have to – and in fact should not – bow to every trend and trope constituting what is seen as respectable "gritty" prestige TV, it should, in my opinion, strive to be dark, twisted, wholesome, whatever it wants to be.

Give me unexpected interactions, give me friendship, give me knights and queens and powers and magic, give me loyalty and deceit, light and dark, monsters and men, slow burn and pay off, arcs spanning seasons.

In short: Give me fantasy and give it to me raw. But give it to me like a novel that unfolds page by page, not something chopped up to make room for xyz demand from a focus group. I'm in it for the characters and what is true to them. I hope that center holds. The door for S3 is wide open in many directions for many of the characters, so I think it'll really be the season that makes (or breaks) the show. Even at its worst, I would probably still enjoy whatever they cook up, but part of me really wants to see them reach those higher dramatic heights (of character drama) that are right there for the taking.

Anyone agree or disagree? I ask, as if anyone has made it this far lol Well, thanks if you did, I guess I needed to get some things off my chest. Here's to hoping.

[fishsticksloser]

May request tmnt smut 🔞 one-shot of (Dom! Future Leonardo x bottom! Fem! Adult reader)?

The 2 are in official relationship, as they were trying new clothes and outfits they bought their collection were quite the spicy one and turns on, and it was enough for them to decide to take the relationship to a new level.

Truly Madly Deeply

f!Leo x fem!reader

Warnings: swearing, fluff, flirting, sex, p in v plus aftercare, fingering, oral (female receiving), first time together, Leo centered 2nd person, red eared slider courtship rituals, so much consent, Leo talks a lot, please let me know if I missed anything

A/N: This is explicit, don't like it? Move on... Sorry there's not much of reader talking, I got sick and kinda gave up... I have learned things that I would rather forget... But I'll share because I'm going insane... turtle penises are 30-40% the size of their body... Meaning the Future Leo we meet in the movie's junk is... 26.4-38.72 inches long... Because he's 7ft4in... I apologize for putting this information on you. No I don't...

"Damn, baby...!" Leo whistles, seeing you in one of your new outfits. He sits on your bed, politely commenting on your new clothes.

"This next one, I think you're really gonna like..." You smile, going back into the bathroom and changing. You looked yourself in the mirror, the dark blue lingerie laying beautiful in your skin. You step out and do a small spin for Leo. Leo's fingers are sitting in his lap, wiggling. "What you doing there, Leo?"

"Huh? Oh..." Leo looks down at his hand before hiding them. "Sorry."

"What does that mean?" You ask, smiling at him, genuinely intrigued.

"Uh..." Leo blushes, covering his face. "It's to attract a mate..." He mumbles the last part, it's almost to quiet to hear.

"So... You're flirting?" You smile, approaching him. His blush darkens and he nods slightly, watching you apprehensively. "Cute..."

"Cute!?" He gasps dramatically. Leo's fingers wiggle more, unable to stop them. Leo decides to grab your hips, pulling you onto his lap. He smiles flirtatiously. "You look amazing..."

He kisses you softly, his hand staying on your waist respectively. You can feel him smile when you wrap your arms around his neck. Leo kisses you deeper, your hands splayed out on his carapace. He flips you onto the bed, hovering over you. Somehow - guessing pure strength - he didn't break the kiss.

"Do you want to stop?" Leo pulls away and looks at you, a soft yet hungry look in his eyes. "You can tell me and this doesn't go any further. I want to make sure your comfortable, that matters more than anything."

"I don't want you to stop." You answer, nodding at him. Leo smiled softly, kissing you again, practically vibrating in excitement.

"You want to take our relationship to the next level?"

"That's what I just said, isn't it?"

"Just making sure..."

Leo uses his amputated arm to hold himself up, his other caressed your side. Sparks ignited as Leo's lips brushed yours tentatively. Your lips were warm and soft, like they were every time you two kissed, still his heart raced. He almost worried his heart was beating so hard it would crack his plastron.

"I don't deserve you..."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard..."

He hovers over you, pressing your bodies together as his heart hammers in his chest. He slowly makes his way down, his breath warm and heavy as his nose brushes your neck. Leo’s fingers trail up and down your arm, teasing over your skin, over your lingerie, over your back and shoulders. His mouth doesn’t stray far from your body, his breath hot against your ear as his hand wanders. He’s not taking the lingerie off — not yet. There’s more to this, to the way he’s touching you. Leo is exploring.

"God, you're so beautiful," he whispers into your ear, moving his tongue up your neck until finally meeting your lips with his own. He kisses you tenderly, wanting to make the first time between you just... perfect. Leonardo wraps his arm around your waist, holding you close as your tongues dance in each other's mouths. He pulls away after a moment, smiling down at you.

"Is this alright?" He asks, voice slightly breathless. "I don't want to do anything you're not comfortable with."

"Yes, yes. I'm fine." You answer, breathlessly. Leo can feel a warm hand trail up his chest, slowly drawing across his collar as it wraps around the back of his neck and pulls Leo into a kiss, you push him gently back into the mattress and press into him.

He doesn't move for a moment, stunned by your boldness, the way you take control, his heart racing as you kisses him, and for a moment, he forgets about all the things he's scared of, everything he hates about himself and just enjoys this moment.

"Is this okay...?" You all, pulling away from him. You look down, both of you absolute messes; lips swollen, eyes dilated, faces red.

"Yes, it’s okay." His voice full of affection and wonderment as the warm sensation of your touch radiates through his body, his heart still fluttering slightly. You lean back down and kiss him, slowly moving to kiss down his jaw and neck. Leo closes his eyes, relaxing into the kisses, enjoying your touch as you kiss his jaw, his neck. There’s a deep, passionate hunger to the way you kisses him, like you've been waiting for this.

You gently take his hand, guiding it to your back. Leo catches on, slowly unclipping your bra. He pulls it off, setting it to the side. His eyes are soft as he admires you, his heart beating out of his chest.

"You like what you see?" You tease.

"I love what I see," Leo replies, tracing his finger along your side. His eyes are filled with admiration, his lips parted in a slight breath for how gorgeous you look. "You’re absolutely beautiful..."

You laugh softly, tracing the dips in his plastron. "You lost all your cockiness... Still flirty, but not like normal..."

"It's you... You do all these things to me," he replies gently, brushing a few strands of hair away from your face. "You make my brain stop working, make my heart jump out of my chest. You turn me into a soft blob of whatever it is I am." Leo smiles, feeling warm in his chest as he gently traces your face with his thumb.

"Now I've got poetic Leo, huh...?" You hum softly, closing your eyes and leaning into his touch.

"I know, crazy, right?" He kisses the corner of your mouth, tracing the outline of your lips with his tongue. His eyes are warm and soft as they look at you. "I never thought I’d say this to anyone again, but I love you. You're just so damn amazing. How could I not be poetic around you...? Am I being cheesy?"

"Very, but... I love you too."

He laughs and tackles you, so you're laying underneath him again. He leans down to nibble on your neck again.

"You're beautiful, smart, funny, charming, sexy... What else can I say?" Leo holds you by your hip, pinning you down to the bed as he smiles to himself. He gives you a cocky grin and speaks in a hushed tone. "Your smile is the brightest thing I've ever seen."

"You're the most amazing person I'll ever meet. I can't believe I found you. You're so damn gorgeous... Everything about you is just perfect..." Leo starts nibbling from your collar bone up to your jaw, slowly tracing his hand up your thigh. "I want to take you to the next level, baby... So... How should we go about it?"

"Just do what feels right..."

"Your wish is my command," Leo leans down, his lips brushing gently against yours. You can feel his breath against your skin, his heartbeat pounding against you. Leo pulls back slowly, his eyes locked on to yours. Leo smirks, a devilish, playful gleam in his eyes, his hand trailing up and around your body. "You trust me, baby? Because I'm gonna make you feel really, really good."

"With my life..." You answer, watching him somewhat curiously.

“Good,” Leo replies breathlessly, trailing his lips over your chest and stomach, slowly kissing his way to your bellybutton. “Because I’m here to make you feel better than you ever thought you could. More alive than you ever knew was possible…”

"You're... You're incredibly sexy right now.." You pant, his lips still gliding over your skin.

"What can I say, I know how to treat the woman I love." Leo chuckles at your comment, kissing down your stomach. "You’re... incredibly sexy yourself," he whispers to you, his head coming up to meet yours. The heat and passion he feels for you in his eyes is practically contagious.

"Your skin is soft, your body is beautiful, and you deserve to feel it too…" Leonardo's eyes go back to your neck and stomach. "I want to make it worth it, baby. I’m only getting warmed up…"

Leo smiles at you gently, kissing you again with genuine love and affection. His hand takes your chin and holds you in the kiss, closing his eyes as he leans down to nibble on your neck, on your collarbone, working his way down to your chest.

"Anything you want, baby," he groans, kissing your stomach, trailing his hand over your thigh and up your side. "Anything to make you feel good." He whispers breathlessly. Leo gently parts his lips, blowing a soft puff of air along your stomach before leaning in, planting more kisses along your belly. "You got it, sweetheart…"

Leo hears your breath hitch as he finally remove the last piece of your clothing- your underwear. Leo pauses for a moment after pulling off your underwear, his fingers tracing your hips as he looks you over. Leo looks at the underwear for moment, biting his lip with a smile on his face.

"You're... stunning." He whispers quietly, his heart once more roaring in his chest. He looks you in the eye, concern on his face as he searches your face, seeing you're a little anxious. "You okay, baby? Do we need to stop? You want me to turn off the lights?" He cups your face in his hand, leaning in for a small kiss.

"No... No! This is just our first time together..." You mumble, shaking your head. You wrap your arms around yourself.

"I get why you’re nervous… What's on your mind? Let me help." Leo pulls himself back up, hovering above you as he waits to hear what you have to say.

"Just... I want to make you feel good too." You huff softly, crossing your arms over your chest. You pout playfully, looking up at him. "It's also not very fair for you to still have clothes on."

"I understand." He winks, his voice smooth as butter with that signature grin of his, looking down at you. With one swift movement, he pushes his sweatpants off his hips, letting them drop to the floor. He takes a deep breath, his chest rising and falling slowly as he lets you take in his body, letting his nakedness speak for him. "You're impatient."

"I'm not impatient." You continue to pout.

"You're face tells a different story, pretty girl." He chuckles under the weight of his teasing. "We can take this as slow as you want it. You know I don't want you to feel awkward or uncomfortable, right?"

"I understand and... I'm ready." You answer. Leo leans down and kisses your stomach, hand gliding over your thighs.

"Good," he purrs, his lips tracing down your belly. "Ready to have your world rocked, babe...?"

"Absolutely." You laugh, your arms wrapping around him again.

Leo flashes you the familiar smirk as your lips meet once more. "Alright, then," he whispers breathlessly, his hips grinding gently against yours. "Let’s get to it, shall we?"

Leo hears you moan softly into his mouth as he grinds his hips against you. His hand drift down to your legs, caressing them softly. He traces shapes towards your slit. His fingers gently brush your heat, experimentally.

Leo pulls away slightly and looks down at you, his tongue slipping from his mouth to brush against your neck. "You sure you’re ready to take this step?" He’s suddenly serious, his breath slow and soft as he looks into her eyes. "There’s no taking it back."

"Yes I'm sure... I want this. I want you." You reply, cupping his face gently.

He smiles thoughtfully and kisses your cheek. "Alright, babe," Leo whispers slowly, "I'm going to make this great, you have my word…" He kisses you again, moving his hand up your ankle and leg. After a second, he trails his fingers up and around your thigh. He pauses, taking a deep inhale before kissing your hips and stomach again, feeling your breathing speeding up. "Slow and steady wins the race, yeah...?"

You nod and snort slightly at his little joke. Leo smiles widely before kissing your hips and down to your thighs. He gently drapes your thighs over his shoulders, resting your legs on his shell. Leo kisses, nibbles, and licks his way to where you needed him most. He gives a tentative lick along your folds. He pauses and makes eye contact with you, asking if he could continue. Once he gets a small nod from you, he practically dives in. Leo may be a bit sloppy due to his excitement, but he makes sure you're feeling good - keeping eye contact so he can see any and every change in your face. Leo pulls away for a moment to catch his breath and to somewhat change directions. He slowly pushes a thick finger into you, kissing your thighs to relax you. Leo is still studying your face to check for any changes.

"Are you okay?" He asks, breathlessly. He moves back down, kissing your stomach softly, waiting for an answer.

"I'm fine." You answer just as softly, he smiles up at you before pushing his finger in more. Leo smiles smugly to himself as he watches your head fall back against the bed. He slowly thrusts his finger into you, not wanting to hurt you. He gently pushes his other finger in, watching you intimately. He's slow, methodical. Stretching you out while also being soft and gentle.

"Tell me if it hurts, okay?" He asks softly, with a slight bit of concern. He removes his fingers and finally kneeling between your legs. He kisses all over your face, pushing in slowly. Leo feels you squirm and he stops, pausing and looking up at you intently. "Are you ok? Did that hurt?" His voice is soft, gentle, and concerned, and he wants to make sure you’re comfortable. "Please let me know. It’s totally ok if you want to stop."

"I'm okay, promise." You answer softly. Leo nods and kisses you quickly. He presses himself against your body, pushing into you like before, to make sure you're fully comfortable.

"We can do this at a pace you're comfortable at. We don't have to rush… This can go at whatever speed you want it to." He moves his hand back to your waist, kissing your neck once more before moving his hand back down to your thigh. Leo continues with small and gentle movements, watching your face and expressions to make sure you’re alright. Leo stops when you whine, frowning worriedly. He looks at you intently. "Are you ok? Should I stop? Are you in pain?" he asks frantically, stopping all motion and pulling out slightly. "Please tell me what to do. I don't want to bring you any hurt or pain!" he says, sounding legitimately worried for you.

Leo frowns, still worried about hurting you. He pulls out completely now, looking at you for any signs that something is wrong. “I’m so sorry. I really don’t want to hurt you, I promise.” He sighs softly. "Do you want to keep trying, or do you want to just stop?"

"No! I'm okay." You promise. Leo moves slowly, trying to be very careful not to hurt you. He looks up at your face intently and then looks back down again.

"Tell me everything that you're feeling, ok? I want to make sure you're comfortable and that you're ok." His voice is soft and soothing, as he continues his patient movement. Leo slows to a stop, as far in as your body allows. He looks up at you intently, his eyes conveying a sense of calm and a desire to put your well-being ahead of his own desires, and moves his fingers into your hair, starting to stroke it. "Ok-Okay, I'll just stay right here for a bit now," You hear a hint of concern in his tone, as he looks at you earnestly, his eyes full of concern. Leo pulls out slightly to give you some space to adjust to his size. He waits patiently, looking down at you for any sign that you're ok.

"Okay... I'm okay." You breathe. Leo starts moving again, going slowly once more. You can tell that he's trying his hardest to be careful, and he still stops every few seconds to make sure that you're okay. His eyes are filled with concern as he looks down at you intently, and his heart is filled with a profound desire to respect you and make you feel safe and comfortable. When you let out a soft moan, he feels his face flush, and his breathing deepens. He moves his mouth closer to you, kissing the corner of your mouth.

"You're so beautiful… you're so perfect." he whispers. He kisses your cheek for a moment before pulling back and slowly starting to speed up. His eyes are filled with love, and his breath grows heavier as he gets into the rhythm. Leo smiles, watching your face and body react. "Wow. You like that, huh?" He asks, continuing his slow, deliberate strokes. He looks up at you, waiting for a reply with a look of soft-hearted adoration.

Leo chuckles as he hears your moans. "I'll take that as a yes," he says with a grin. "I'm glad you're having a good time." He moves to kiss you gently. "You feel amazing… You're so beautiful, you know that. You're perfect. Absolutely perfect." The words fall out of his throat, as he stares into your eyes, he's breathing heavily through his nose now, his face growing red with his face covered in sweat. His eyes convey an immeasurable amount of desire and passion.

Leo pulls you close to him as he speeds up a tad. His eyes are filled with adoration as he watches you intently, wanting you to feel good and to get the most out of this. It's obvious just how much you mean to him, and how you're an integral part of his life. He keeps going, wanting this to be something you'll remember fondly. Leo's forehead falls against yours. "I'm close…Are you close too?"

"Yes!" You tell him quickly. Leo continues his movements, not wanting to stop for even a moment. He's lost in the moment, in the intimacy, in the passion, and he's just so in awe of you.

Leo kisses you once more, passionately and intensely, you both climax together, before he pulls away slowly. His breath is heavy, and he seems completely content. His face is filled with passion and pride, and he looks down at you fondly with eyes full of pure adoration.

"Wow… That was incredible…" His voice drips with awe, love, and warmth. He slowly pulls out, trying to make it as painless as possible. "You're so beautiful and so perfect! I can't believe I get to love you,"

"Quite the charmer..." You hum softly, completely breathless, kissing him again.

“Did you like it that much? Am I that good?” Leo asks with an amused grin. He kisses you again, softly and tenderly. You shove him playfully, watching him dramatically fall onto the bed next to you. Leo chuckles at your reaction. “Alright… I’m sorry, I don’t mean to come across as conceited.” He sighs softly, still teasing slightly. “But that was… incredible. I’m really glad I was able to pleasure you.”

You snort at him and kiss him gently, leaning over him. "Clean up time..." You mumble softly.

"Bath?"

"Preferable... As long as you join me."

"I'm going anywhere my queen desires." He winks at you. Leo scoops you up and carries you to the bathroom, setting you on the toilet so he can prep the bath. Leo helps you slide in once its' ready before sliding in behind you. "You're a queen," he whispers into your ear. "A goddess, the most beautiful woman I've had the pleasure of meeting in all of my years."

You spin around in the tub to face him, kissing him hard. Leo's caught off guard by your surprise, aggressive kiss and flushes red, knocking his breath out of him. A low moan escapes his throat as he slowly lays down in the water with you, kissing you back with passion as he holds you closely. "You know I love you, sweetpea," he mumbles with a soft smile.

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.69 Done

I stepped outside to greet Sophia and see why she lingered outside. She stood on the sidewalk with her eyes fixed on her phone's screen. As I approached, I saw pain etched on her face like a tattoo. She wasn't looking at the phone at all; it was just a prop. A stall tactic while she willed herself to be okay. I dashed over and gave her a tight squeeze, assuring her that everything will be fine. It took no time for her to let the weight of her sorrow crash down on me. As tears ran down her face, I whispered reassurances, encouraging her to let it all out. Though I hated hearing her wails of desperation, I'm glad she let go because she'd been carrying that burden for a while. She did what she believed was right, persevering at work because of a long-held dream. But it slowly destroyed her.

When she was ready to talk, she'd talk, so I didn't prod her. I just stood there, being the support and comfort she needed me to me. Moments later, she pulled away and looked up at me with red, glassy eyes.

"Luca?"

I grabbed her hands.

"I'm here."

"You were right."

I honestly hated hearing that, but it was music to my ears. I wanted what was best for her, and that job was not it.

"I'm gonna take a few days off and figure this out," she continued.

"Take all the time you need. I love you and don't want to see you like this again. I got you. Don't worry."

"Thanks. I really appreciate you, Luca. I'm not spontaneous, and I wish I had even half of your confidence, so quitting without a plan has always terrified me. I think I just needed someone to tell me it's going to be okay."

"It's definitely going to be okay. I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it."

"I know you wouldn't."

"Mama's still here. You want me to tell her to go home?"

"Nooo, don't send her away on my account. I'll be fine. Just give me a minute."

I held her again, hoping to transfer my strength and positive energy to her. When she was ready, we went inside. Mama was playing with the dogs in the kitchen, and when she noticed Sophia, I could see the alarms beginning to blare. Sophia was in front of me, so I shook my head, pleading with Mama not to engage. Luckily, my message was received, and she quickly thought of something else to say.

"I was just giving your babies a little birthday tussle."

Sophia painted on a smile that looked partially genuine.

"That's so rude they aged up without me. I didn't realize they were that old."

"Me neither," I said. "It was pretty uneventful anyway."

Rosie was trying to convince Kooper to play, but he wasn't having it, so I stepped away from the conversation to address her. The ladies sat, and I hoped Mama would behave. I couldn't really hear what they spoke about over Rosie's excited yelps, but at one point I thought I heard the word vacation, and my antennas went all the way up. But by then, Mama had to go.

I would never wish away my mom, but I was relieved when she left. I wanted Sophia to have a quiet, cozy evening with minimal distractions. Socializing drained her energy, and even though she'd take time off and would have time to recover, I wanted her to conserve. It was a good thought, in theory, but life didn't always go our way. An hour later, as I put the finishing touches on dinner, someone knocked at the door. I rolled my eyes in disdain at the nerve of whoever dared to disturb Sophia's peace. When I saw it was Dad, I felt a little better. He wouldn't stay long and was much better at reading rooms.

"Hey, Dad! You just missed mom."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah, she left about an hour ago. You hungry? I made spaghetti."

"No, I'm fine. But thanks. I just came to meet these little singers of yours."

"Ha! Well, they're not so little anymore."

We went inside, and Sophia had already finished her food. I really hoped she'd go through with quitting, if only so dinner could stop being her first meal. Sadly, most days, I failed to wake up with her and cook breakfast. Early mornings were just not my thing.

We joined her at the table, and I could see the point where he realized something was wrong. I knew he wouldn't ask, but I couldn't risk it and told him of my SimTube success.

"Wow! That's awesome," he said.

I went on to tell him about our plans to move and get a bigger house and gently hinted at some career changes for Sophia. This extra money couldn't have come at a better time.

"You know," Dad began, "your mom's candle business originated from a dream I had of a family operation."

"Really? I mean, I knew you were the one who taught her, but it always seemed kind of random."

"My father was a carpenter, and I inherited his crafting spirit. I learned how to make all kinds of things, but woodworking was my favorite. I always wanted to teach my children how to craft and start a business selling handmade goods that would be family owned and operated."

Wooooow. If my parents had stayed together, I might have been a maker? That was wild to me. I didn't often think about how different my life would have been without the divorce, but when I did, it was fascinating. But I could take those thoughts only but so far because at a certain point my would-be life became unrecognizable and unappealing. We may have never gone to Mt. Komorebi when we did, and I never would have met Sophia.

"My plan was to keep working my job until the business could support itself and our family. We didn't have a lot when I was growing up, so I told myself if I ever had extra money, I'd save some of it and invest the rest so I could generate some passive income. Maybe that's what you should do with this new SimTube money."

"That's not a bad idea, Dad. Thanks. I never would have considered that."

The business and finance world was completely foreign to me, so I asked questions about where and how to go about it, what portion I should invest, and the like. Much like many other father-son discussions we've had, I appreciated the unexpected but much-needed lesson. I realized no matter how old I got or how much I matured, there'd always be something he could teach me until the day he left this world.

[o-sachi]

─── A Letter for @i-am-so-strange ✦

If you have received this, it means you signed up for Sachi's Selfship Event !

ATE JEIIIII. You're one of my bestest friends on this platform and I absolutely adore the fics/analyses that you make. You don't know how much I love our questionable thirsting threads. They make me giggle and kick my feet. TO MORE THREADS!! Anw, thank you for requesting!

✉️ Attachment: A special request???

Surprise. It's a normal matchup.

Okay, maybe this wasn't what you were expecting, but Barou just popped into my mind as I was reading the info you gave me. (Spoiler: it's not just because you both like cleaning and consider it a hobby lolol).

To preface things, I genuinely find Barou to be like the best potential boyfriend out of the bunch. I know he seems rough around the edges, but he's a completely different person to his s/o. He's a lot softer and kinder to them.

You complement each other in a way that your bad traits slightly mirror his and your good traits are almost the same. Does that mean it exacerbates the bad traits? Not really. But it does help you understand each other better and it helps avoid you from projecting it on to each other (everyone else though, not so safe haha).

Like you don't even bat an eye at each other if either of you say something a little too blunt or harsh. It's just another Tuesday for the both of you.

I feel like y'all would judge people together (HAHAHAHA)

You two debate a lot about a variety of things. Even ordinary arguments about your relationship start sounding like a debate... Part of him NEEDS to win, but another is really into how you articulate yourself (secretly simping).

As a person who isn't afraid of speaking his mind, Barou admires the same trait on you. He loves a woman who is brave enough to stand up for herself or do what is right. Not a lot of people can do what you do.

Doesn't compliment much, but he will definitely compliment you for your courage and independence. He needs that in a partner.

Barou most definitely likes smart people. Intelligence is a strength of its own. He just loves your brain; he loves the ideas and thoughts that it comes up with. He also thinks that your job is cool. He doesn't know anything about law, but he'll pretend to understand and nod as you explain things to him.

He liiiiiikes it when you play the piano for him.

You enjoy cooking and cleaning together (wow domestic bliss?!?! HAHAHHA). You do it very systematically too. Not that you explicitly talked about it, but it kinda happened on its own. That pretty much sums up a lot about your relationship—systematic.

You like trying new food together, whether by buying it somewhere else or trying out a new recipe.

He subtly supports your hobbies by buying you books or figures. Most of the time though, he listens to your rants. You know he's listening because he asks relevant questions.

He genuinely thinks listening and giving your full attention to the other person is a sign of respect. And he respects you. So, if you're talking, all his attention is on you.

I feel like he has a strong tolerance for alcohol, so if you do decide to get drunk, he can easily take care of you. Sure, he'll grumble a bit, but he's surely doing it out of love <3

He'll agree to play games with you as long as you go bowling with him. He won't go easy, but at least he has someone to play with.

He doesn't mind driving long stretches. It's quite calming for him and with you as his passenger princess, he can listen to you speak even more.

You two travel a lot and he (reluctantly) agrees to be the model in your photos. He prefers that you two take photos together, but sure, if you insist.

You two have the exact same dislikes, especially being disorganized. It makes him feel queasy to see a messy place or have his tasks all over the place.

Although, I feel like he's good with kids (yk cuz his sisters). So he makes up for the fact that you don't like 'em.

You two plan things together so well. Like I said—organized and systematic. Dates and travels are so easy when both of you are working on the logistics and whatnot.

I'm not making this up but I genuinely saw Barou as the type of guy who likes the simple look on women (he's the type of guy that says natural is better and would complain about makeup...) So he really loves how laid-back and classy you look.

HE DIGS THE CORPORATE STYLE.

You two already spend a lot of time together. He can only stand you, honestly. He'd rather be alone completely or be with you. No in between.

You can expect sooooooo many acts of service from this man, mostly the domestic stuff—cooking, cleaning, taking care of you when you're sick. If you ask him to come over, he'll do his absolute best to get there asap. If you ask him for a favor, he'll do it without a second thought.

He's so whipped for you, but will never admit it out loud.

His gifts usually come in the form of food or clothing... or something really practical. Perhaps the only "non-practical" thing he'd give you is a bouquet of flowers.

Waaaa idk I got a lot of inspiration writing Barou for you. LIKE IT FITS SO WELL???

Thank you for participating. I hope you like it :3

Want to participate? Give this a read.

o-sachi © 2024 pls do not translate/copy/reupload my work on other platforms.

[emeraldhazeart]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you so much for the tag @hikamaus 💚 This looks really fun.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

At this moment, I have 32 works on Ao3 (most of them oneshots)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

At the time of posting this, it's 146,576, but I'm very close to posting the next chapter of Solace

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly Undertale right now, but I also occasionally write for Harvest Moon/Story of Seasons and Sonic the Hedgehog

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Leaving a Mark

2. Robin's Nest

3. Solace

4. In Your Corner

5. Riding Therapy

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I love responding to comments! Even if it's just an emoji, I try to say thank you in reply, so they know I appreciate them taking the time to leave a comment.

I know there are some comments that I haven't gotten round to responding to, and those haunt me. Please know that it's either because I don't have the spoons at this moment, or because it's been so long that I'm shy about replying. But I genuinely do appreciate each and every comment I receive. 💚

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably No Man's Land (which also happened to be my first Undertale fic)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I've got to say Photograph for that one. It still brings tears to my eyes rereading it, but they're happy tears.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No one has said anything directly to me, but I did stumble upon a comment someone left elsewhere saying that one of my fics wasn't their thing because they "[didn't] like how the story is being told".

That really hurt at the time, especially as there was no other context as to why they felt that way. But my friends gave me encouragement and support.

Please be aware that anything you say online can eventually find it's way to the author, so please be kind.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I don't, sorry.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not really. I've written crossovers featuring characters from separate games in the same franchise before, but nothing that spans entirely different franchises

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I would be delighted if anyone enjoyed my work enough to want to translate it

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I would love to 💚

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Do Canon Character x Reader stories count? No?

Hmm... I can't think of any that would be my OTP. I generally prefer familial/platonic relationships, tbh

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

None of my WIPs are abandoned. But probably most of the original stories I've started and then never finished over the years. It's just much harder for me to maintain motivation when I don't have anyone reading my work and cheering me on.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've always loved painting a scene or an emotion with words.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Oof, so many 😅 one thing I struggle with is wanting to post what I've written straight away. Sometimes that can work, like freshly baked bread. But most of the time it's like a plain cake: it needs time to cool, and then be assembled/decorated/finished in order to get the best experience from it.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I'd only do it if I was totally confident that I'd gotten it right. A common or short phrase would be my limit otherwise. If I really wanted to write dialogue in another language, I'd ask someone fluent in the language to help me with the translation and proof read my work.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I think it was actually Legend of Zelda. I was about 12, and my brother, his friend and I made ourselves LoZ Ocarina of Time OCs. We started writing a fic of them, but never got very far.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Probably Photograph. I'm a sucker for a moving reunion scene, and that fic genuinely brought tears to my eyes as I was writing it.

No pressure tags (I'm going to try to avoid tagging anyone that @/hikamaus already tagged 😅) : @sneakyfox55 @hannah-heartstrings @lizzie-tempest @robanilla @thebeckster and anyone else that would like to have a go 💚

[becoming--nobody]

5.9.2024

(I felt a bit of judgement recently that I've allowed to linger with me. As always, I wrote this for myself, to put away the remainder of those lingering thoughts.)

Many times since I've ended up alone after receiving that terminal health prognosis so long ago, I've seen the same thing in the eyes of others. The common thought people arrive at is I must have been quite an asshole to have been abandoned by friends and family, to die alone, struggling to care for myself. Don't get me wrong in this, a few people reached out, tried to help in their own ways, then moved on. The abandoned I speak of is that nobody ever committed to seeing this challenge of life and death through with me.  It ended my marriage and eventually all of my relationships. That's the kindest way it can be explained.

I know this is the common conclusion (that I must have been unloveable), because I've been told this a few times after someone listens to me share the details of my story. You see, to someone who can't imagine what I have survived and grown through, I sound arrogant and prideful when I write or discuss how I no longer tolerate any unasked for critique from others.

Most people could not understand my day to day existence, and when "quality of life" is discussed, I smile and won't even participate in such talk usually. I've learned that we are capable of joy, sometimes, even in what once seemed unimaginable challenge. What most of us would consider the basics for some quality of living is far, far above what is necessary.

Part of my truth is that I still experience days of such dark despondance it would crush most other people. This is no brag of some natural strength, that is laughable!  I've suffered months and years that have broken me completely. I have lost my sanity, sobbed uncontrollably for days, screamed in the midst of some madness, and once even set out to end this life. Creation intervened, then gave me a new persepctive during the 2 weeks following my interupted effort.

All of this continues to prove a kind of gymnasium where a strength I can not really describe, continues to build upon the suffering.

I know, at least in part, some of the negative traits family, friends, some of those I've met during these years, I'm aware of some of the failings assigned to me by these people. Some of it is kind of accurate, if they know me well, but much of it is either who I was decades ago or things they've chosen to believe to avoid looking at their own unwillingness to love freely. (Some of the beautiful people I've met during these tough years owed nothing to my life, yet provided more than they will ever know.)

There are moments I allow myself to feel the weight of all that garbage, things cast on my shoulders by others. It's heavy, and really isn't mine to carry, so I'm able to breathe, pray, remember the beautiful things I love in each of these people, and genuinely ask our Creator to comfort them in good health and contentment in all of their days.

Love. 

Always it is love that saves my ass from bitter hopelessness; always love that saves my ass from riding my motorcycle off the side of a mountain; 

always love that brings back joy and causes me to lift my face to the Sun as I often write of, and smile from the depths of my being.

My heart sincerely breaks when I read or hear of others sufferings.  We all suffer.

I understand suffering. 

It's a little late, but I'm tired and will likely sleep well. I hope that for you too, rest that restores.

The Earth is still spinning, so the Sun will be out again tomorrow. Even if it's cloudy or stormy where you are, there will be day light, I hope you find reason to enjoy your waking hours in the light.

It'll be sunny here and I already feel a bit of a grin, just thinking of that bright, warm Sun on my face.

I love you,

Stan