#so proud of myself over this i am shaking actually. so excited

[sillyabtmusic]

👑 History of Kingdom ⚔

[14thgalerie]

under pressure

• pairing: theodore nott x reader

• now playing: linger by the cranberries

• word count: 2.4k

• genre: angst

— an old piece that i never finished but i just wanted to post something because my account is so dead. i know exams work differently in hogwarts but for this one, let's just pretend that they do a semestral exam also.

“Theo?” You call from behind him, as you enter the common room where he sits in solitude. 

He makes no sound to acknowledge that he’s heard you, simply continuing to stare off into space. Long, slender fingers rhythmically tapping on his thighs.

Ignoring this, you make yourself comfortable on the nearest available seat, angling your body to face him. “You would not believe what I got for History of Magic!” You excitedly begin and with much enthusiasm, “But first you have to guess!”

Again, a silence greets you. This sparks concern in you since it was very unusual behaviour from him. But before you could ask, he emits a curious hum, still not looking directly at you. “What did you get?”

“You’re no fun.” You playfully jab at him, trying to lighten up the atmosphere. “Anyways! I got an Outstanding! Can you believe that?”

“It would’ve been hilarious if you hadn’t.” Is all he says in a deadpan, hollow voice. “What do you mean by that?” You prod.

“Imagine taking all of my time just for you to fail once again. I would have actually thrown myself off the pitch. ”

The muted glow of the scattered lamps and candles cast shadows on the walls, creating an ambiance that mirrors the strained emotions between you and Theo. The distant sound of chatter and laughter in the dorm rooms only served to accentuate the silence that ensued.

He sighs, “I am tired. Tired of your complaining, of your whines, of your stupidity over such a simple course. You are so excited over this when it isn’t something to be necessarily proud of. You know…” Theo trails off in an amused manner as if he has realised something funny.

“I find it funny how you are sitting all proud and excited about this one exam when in reality, it was all because of me. You wouldn’t have even gotten half of what you had if it weren't for me or with the help of the others. Leeching off of us like a goddamn parasite who hasn’t a mind of her own.”

Words fail you, unable to conjure up even a whisper in your shock. You stand up slowly, breathing out an unsteady exhale.

The words break on your skin like whips, cracking and splitting open still healing wounds. 

“I have never asked you for anything, need I remind you? You were the one who insisted on spending your oh so precious time teaching me. Time and time again, I reassured you that I could do it myself because I didn’t want you to waste it on me. Yet, it was always fine with you and you were adamant on doing it so don’t you dare put this on me now.” You grit out. “I have no idea as to why you are acting like a rabid dog, snapping at me unprovoked, but nothing will ever warrant that kind of behaviour. “ You shake your head sharply, glaring at him from underneath your eyebrow. 

You felt yourself becoming dizzy with panic and anxiety, confusion with the whole situation making it worse by the second. It was spreading so quickly and far into the recesses of your soul that you would fall to your knees if not for the support of the couch behind you.

Not willing to have him see you break down from his nonchalant words that were deliberately chosen to attack your deepest insecurities— unable to understand how it so easily came from the last person you expected it from. You quickly move towards the stairs, ignoring the weak call of your name. 

Tick, tock, tick, tock. 

Seconds—or was it minutes— slipped away since you have made the decision to lock yourself in your room. Leaving the room before everything gets worse. Surrounding yourself with a number of inked parchments that are filled with hundreds of thousands of words, none of which your brain registers. Despite your earnest desire to find solace with work, it was all futile as they were only mere words on paper that held no significance in comparison to what was brewing in your mind.

Instead, an incessant question pesters you. Was it really something to be so excited over? Lost in a silent deep rumination, accompanied only by the rhythmic flutter of an owl's wings as they flew past your open window and the rustling trees to occupy the silence. 

Tick, tock, tick, tock. 

The clock is still there to remind me of the hours that have passed— 3 and a quarter to be precise.

Perhaps you were being too over the top but you hadn’t meant to. The pure, unadulterated exhilaration overwhelmed you after Professor Binns called you aside after your last exam. It had become an accepted knowledge to you that History of Magic wasn’t necessarily your strongest suit. Enough so that it would’ve been perfectly fine for you to receive a less-than-average result.

To hear how exceptional you had done this time, possibly even greater than many of your classmates, your mind instinctively went to share your achievement with Theo. After all, he was the one who patiently dedicated hours guiding you in your review and it took precedence over his own. Assurances, that came off as more of arrogance, of how he would do just fine and that he could ace it even if he wore a blindfold.

Maybe that’s where it all went wrong. Could it have been the lack of sleep before? He does get a bit irritable with a lack of rest. You’ve seen it personally in the weeks that lead up to Quidditch games. The fatigue, in addition to the stress of the final exams before the holidays, must’ve steered him into that state. 

Despite feeling upset and somewhat finding fault within yourself, you couldn’t muster up the will to apologise first. While his behaviour tonight could have been explainable, for goodness’ sake, the way that he has gone about it was unwarranted— shouting and hurling the harshest words that he is capable of, at you. The person that rejected every offer, made by him, because you were scared to impose on his studying hours. Now he cannot even be happy at what you had worked so dedicatedly on with him?

After spending hours in the cold and dark room, doing nothing but ruminating on the argument, you realise that you refuse to allow his words to dampen your joy and excitement any more than they have already. Sitting up straight, you stretch your arms wide. Swiftly tidying the scattered papers and dried pens into an acceptable arrangement in your trunk before you settle down beneath your duvet cover. Giving up on the idea of getting any work done when your mind was elsewhere.

The both of you made plans to have a sleepover in your dorm room after your roommates announced that they would be spending the night elsewhere. However, it will be safe to say that the idea had crumbled into non-existence after the heated exchange of words between the two of you. 

As you lay there on your side, facing the stone wall with your back to the door, you couldn’t help but reflect on your argument. A hailing storm brewed in the furrows of your mind, unable to piece together what exactly you should do. The only thing you wanted was to hear his beating heart beneath you as you lay on his chest. But you knew that it wouldn’t be right for yourself to concede.

Of all the ways that you’ve imagined for him to react, what had truly occurred did not even appear in your mind. It left you tossing and turning in frustration and confusion, unable to fall asleep in peace. Only the warmth and lasting scent of his cologne on your duvet keep you calm— the realisation that you couldn’t even properly be mad at him makes you huff.

In the silent war within you, you were deaf to the aged door groaning in protest as its rusty hinges emitted a creaking sound that left the person behind it wincing. Nor did you hear the unusually gentle footsteps that followed.

So much so that even the shadows that lurked within the walls would have thought that the footsteps were a figment of their imagination. In the way that the presence hesitated outside of your room as if they were heavily contemplating.

It was only at the weighted dip of the bed behind you and the hesitant arm that crept around your waist that were you pulled from your trance. Yet, you bore no intent of recognition for him even as he had fully suited himself behind you with his chin tucked in the crook of your neck.

As his presence enveloped you, he began with a slight tremor in his voice. “Y/N…I-“

“I could write and speak a thousand sorry’s and reasons for why the words had so easily slipped from my lips, but they will never unspeak them from existence. I promised your mama that I will never let a speck of hurt flash across those eyes, and I will forever apologise to her for breaking that promise.” A shaky exhale lines the last few syllables. “I was so unnecessarily horrible and mean to you without meaning to. So consumed by this- this emotion that flooded me, something that I had lost control over.”

Every syllable was accompanied by a hesitant tone that left the words sounding shaky; nervous. Coupled with the drop of tears that lined your neck right where his head sat.

You listened, listening to his apology, but the wounds were still fresh. The echo of his sharp words runs deep beneath your skin, embedded into your bones, prickling with every second you are reminded of them. The sincerity in his voice clashed with the pain he had caused with his words, leaving you torn between the desire to understand and the reluctance to let go of the hurt.

“You really hurt my feelings, Theo.” If he wasn’t already drowning in misery, hearing his name fall from your lips after he worked many weeks to be called something else had him gasping for breath. “I genuinely want to forgive you, but at this moment, I can’t quite find it in me to do so. You blew up on me for absolutely no reason. I need you to help me understand, to give me a reason behind your outburst, not mere words of guilt. Because even if you say sorry a thousand times, I would never be able to forgive you for clearly attacking me where I would greatly feel it.

His voice, meek in the tense air between the two of you, unfolded with a raw honesty that lays bare his desperation for this to be over.

“The exhaustion from lack of sleep and finding that I barely got a passing grade…It was a bit too much for me. I have no idea why it even bothered me when, for so long, I could hardly give a damn about these stupid exams," he shared, sighing with exasperation.

A pang of guilt and shame flared within your chest at the knowledge. The initial shadow of hesitation and guilt that crept on you the days before came rushing back in. You should’ve known better than to allow him to persuade you. Turning around on the bed to face him. But before you could wallow yourself in these emotions, Theo quickly puts your mind to rest.

“Don’t blame yourself, darling.” He tenderly pushes a thumb against the forming frown on your forehead. “I should have told you that I needed to study also instead of leaving it to luck. I guess I was being a bit of a confident prick that got used to not reviewing for an exam that I fully forgot I missed a few lectures a few weeks ago. I truthfully never had and never will blame you, not when I had been the one, adamant enough, to help you out despite your protests.”

His admission carried a mix of self-awareness and remorse. The vulnerability that was clear in his words began to bridge the hesitance inside of you to relax, the layers of miscommunication slowly peeling away. 

You could sense the weight he carried. Despite his casual indifference to his studies, you knew that it was something that he silently prided himself in. To have that be ruined in addition to the cumulative stress that built up over time with his hectic schedule. Being reminded that even if he may seem so perfect on the surface, beneath that, he was still human; flawed, vulnerable, and young. Although the hurt had begun to shift, not fully dissipating yet, it had turned into a sense of empathy that allowed you a clarity of thinking.

A small, understanding hum escaped you. The strain in your voice is gone now, ”We need to work on our communication, then. No longer hiding things from each other for any reason, even if we think it does not matter. Part of our relationship is to work our problems side by side, even if it doesn’t concern the other. We shouldn’t have things fester until it explodes on us.” 

He nods, burying his head back into the crook of your neck. “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you.” You gently pull his head back and look at him fondly. “And we need to also address the way you spoke to me earlier. Just because we were in the heat of the moment and lost in our emotions does not mean you have the right to do that, not when my mom raised me without raising her voice.”

“I’m really sorry. Merlin…I can still see the look on your face and I don’t think I would ever forget and forgive myself for being the reason behind it”. “I won’t say I forgive you just yet, that’s a boundary crossed for me. We should’ve had this talk in the beginning but better now than never. Let’s take a pause for now, and resume this conversation with a clear head.” He met your gaze with a blend of appreciation and a sense of resolve. 

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[runningfrom2am]

in this life or the next (part II)

summary: you and rafe won the 75th annual Hunger Games as a team, but at what cost?

pairing: rafe x fem!reader

wc: 11.4k

tags/warnings: not as much as you would expect for a Hunger Games fic honestly. spoilers for the og Hunger Games movies I guess (but also not bc i changed it up a bit- you'll see), Ward being a shitty dad (as per usual). also this isn't thoroughly edited bc.. it's long and i'm still lazy.

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a/n: hi guys! this is part two of this fic, and i'm honestly pretty proud of how this story is coming together!! i hope anyone who enjoyed that one enjoys this one :) also i very much set it up for part three so look forward to that (eventually).

"Without further adieu, I'm pleased to welcome back, from District One and District Five, Rafe Cameron and Y/N Y/L/N, this year's Victors!" The base of the talk show's theme music bellowed in your ears as you followed your cue, holding tightly onto Rafe's hand as you took the stage again. You never imagined you would be back here, but you're grateful to be.

"Rafe, Y/N, I cannot honestly put into words how pleased I am to have you both back with me tonight. We're all so excited to have you- aren't we?" Caesar smiled, riling up the crowd once more as the cheers had died down. Rafe had a smile glued to his face, squeezing your hand once you were both sat down before letting it go.

"We're happy to be back." Rafe replied and you nodded, smiling over at him. He looked so much better- the colour had returned to his skin, a subtle pink flush you didn't care to take notice of before the games.

"I bet you are." Caesar nodded. "We have so much to talk about, but first, I'd like to personally congratulate you both on your win. This was the first-ever games to produce two winners, I hope you understand the extent of your accomplishment."

"Thank you, yeah." You smiled, turning your attention to the man across from you. "I couldn't have done it without him."

"Likewise," Rafe said, gently nudging your shoulder with his hand. You rolled your eyes, shaking your head with a smile.

"God, I just love your chemistry." Caesar said, smiling and leaning his chin onto his palm. This resulted in more laughs and cheers from the audience. "This is a perfect segue, actually," He sits up straighter again, a slight laugh leaving him. "You were aware that we were all watching, right? Because there were some very real... intense moments between you two in the arena that had us on the edge of our seats. The whole 'will they, won't they' tension was so palpable. So, I think we all just want to know, was it real?"

Rafe nodded, watching the man intently as he listened to him speak. You were both wondering where he was going with that, but while you felt your face burning red, you came up with a logical answer that effectively dodged what he was really asking. "I mean, yeah, of course, such significant amounts of stress on both the body and the mind would make anyone vulnerable in a way you wouldn't expect."

Rafe shifted in his seat, turning his gaze to you as Caesar nodded at your answer. "But with Y/N it was just so easy. She gave me a new perspective on everything, which I appreciate still so greatly. Just, yeah I don't think I could ever see myself sort of... opening up in that way with anyone else." Rafe added, thinking for just a moment before shaking his head with a slight laugh. "I didn't even care that the world was watching, because I knew she was listening, you know?"

A chorus of 'aw's came from the audience and you smiled at him, looking to Caesar quickly to gauge his reaction. His was fairly similar, hand clutched to his chest with a pout in his lip. "Well, there's your answer, folks. It's very real. That is just so sweet." He nods.

"Rafe is right," You chimed in, silence falling over the building. "But truly it is just such a harrowing, scary experience, and up until last year's games we had never seen tributes connecting in a way that we were given the opportunity to, in a similar way to Katniss and Peeta had, the tributes from twelve last year. I think that is a new experience for both the viewer and for us as tributes, and it sets a new standard for the games. I just count myself so lucky that I got chosen to be Rafe's partner, because otherwise we never would have met- or we at least wouldn't have gotten the chance to see each other as real people, with thoughts and feelings and families waiting at home."

When you finished speaking, the silence stuck for a few moments that felt like an eternity. "Well... Yes, I suppose you're right, Y/N." Caesar agreed, but you still felt in your gut that you had said something wrong as the audience murmured and whispered to each other. "I think this is a good time to move on, because Y/N, you just have such a way with words, and we all saw in the games that you have... just one of the most amazing minds we have ever seen in a tribute."

"Isn't it cool?" Rafe added, leaning in and looking between the two of you with a smile on his face. "Caesar, I told you she had a secret weapon!" The audience loved this, instantly coming back to life with laughs and cheers.

"Yes, you did! We definitely didn't expect that!" Caesar chuckles. "So, Y/N, let us in a little bit more- at what point did you realize that the arena was recycled?"

"Oh, immediately." You answered with a nod, folding your hands in your lap. "Honestly by the time I saw the cornucopia for the first time I confirmed it, it was kind of a relief."

He claps his hands together, clearly impressed. "That's incredible! You proved it over and over again. My favorite part was the bag- we were all so confused and I personally got a bit of a laugh when you were trying to point it out to Rafe and he just had this hilarious confused look on his face! From the first thirty seconds, you guys already had this dynamic that had everyone in Panem hooked on watching you. So please, Y/N, tell us what your secret is. How your brain works, if you will."

"Please, Y/N/N." Rafe agreed, mocking Caesar's intrigued posture as he gazes at you waiting for you to elaborate.

You laughed, gently smacking his shoulder. "I just... I don't know. I see something, learn something, whatever the context may be, and then I just know it. I assume it's the same for you, but I just hold on to all the extra stuff. I think I'm broken, or something. I didn't even know this was abnormal until Rafe pointed it out during our training- I just always thought I was smarter than my siblings." You joke, laughing slightly.

"Well, I can only imagine you would be hard to compete with academically with a mind like yours." Caesar chuckled. "So, tell us, what's next for Panem's favourite couple- as I understand you now are."

You and Rafe made eye contact briefly. You hadn't talked about it, despite having hardly left each others sides since you returned. "I don't know." You shrug. "I suppose whatever you guys tell us to do."

"I think we'll go home, see our families, relax a bit and then we'll be back and ready for the victory tour in a few months." Rafe cut in. Had you said something wrong again?

"And we can't wait- we will miss having you guys on our screens everyday, that is for sure." Caesar smiled, standing up which made up your signal to do the same.

"We look forward too seeing you again soon." Rafe smiled, shaking Caesar's hand as you stood up, quickly adjusting your dress in the meantime.

"Thank you so much for joining me tonight, and congratulations again on your win. Enjoy your time at home." Caesar turned to you, giving you a quick hug before you held Rafe's arm and walked offstage, waving to the audience for hopefully the last time in a while.

As you recalled the memory of the last time you saw Rafe in person, you find yourself getting nervous at the idea of seeing him again. It had been a long six months- and you had exchanged an endless string of handwritten letters.

Life for you in the Victor's Village was pleasant, refreshing, even- since it had felt like forever since you had known any kind of peace. It's in a quiet area of town, giving you lots of space to enjoy real fresh air in a way that felt safe. Unfortunately, your vivid nightmares couldn't be quelled by the cool breeze or your sisters sleeping peacefully next to you or the room across the hall.

Rafe had found out that yes, you did sign your name with a heart normally. At least, you did in the many letters he had received from you. It had been the longest six months of his life, but at the same time, a whirlwind of everything happening all at once. Regardless, he spent the entire time walking on eggshells around his father.

When Rafe was reunited with his family, his sister had thrown herself at him with such force he stumbled back when he caught her in his arms, holding her tight with a hand over the back of her head. "I never thought I would see you again..." She mumbled, chin wobbling against his shoulder.

"I missed you so much, Wheeze, you have no idea." He whispered back, gently stroking the back of her hair. He put her down gently, but she refused to let go of his waist as he acknowledged the rest of his family. Sarah, stoic, standing alongside their dad with a matching expression. She, somehow, had a smile behind her eyes that Rafe was all too familiar with. Sarah was happy to see him, though she would never admit it in Ward's presence.

"Rafe." Ward smiled, suddenly, shockingly, only until Rafe realized they had cameras on them as his father walked up and smacked a hand onto his shoulder, guiding him away. District One was proud to have another Victor to add to the growing roster, and they would always celebrate accordingly. Somehow, Rafe didn't feel special.

"Hey, Dad," Rafe replied, smiling nervously as his dad gave his shoulder a squeeze. He knew he was in trouble- big trouble, and maybe staying in the capitol wouldn't have been so bad. He hoped you were facing a more genuine welcome in Five.

"Are you excited to see your girlfriend today?" Sarah asks, bringing him back to reality as she leaned against the entryway to their home gym. To Rafe, their whole house felt cold now. The mansion was decorated mostly in white, with marble flooring and high ceilings that made the home feel so much emptier than he remembered it. Most of the time, he stayed alone at the home he'd been granted in the victors village.

"Yeah. I don't think she's my girlfriend, though." He replies, hardly tearing his eyes away from the combat training equipment that still haunts him.

Sarah furrows her brow accompanying a confused laugh. "What? Only all of Panem sees you as the hottest couple, but you don't know?"

"We never got to talk about it. So, yeah, I don't know."

"Will you ask her?"

Rafe shrugs, getting up from the bench and throwing the towel over his shoulder. "Probably. She's the only good thing I can think about, these days."

"You better get on that. I heard from the news that there's an engagement announcement on the horizon!" Sarah calls, turning on her heel as she heads back down the hall.

Rafe sighs, grabbing his water bottle and heading out after her. He's wanted to talk about this, of course, but in the victor's interview you mentioned that anyone would be so vulnerable with all that stress- and he couldn't help but be a little hurt by that. Then again, you've sent him letter after letter since you had been apart, so the signals he's getting are mixed- to say the least.

As he changes into the clothes his dad picked out for him for the first day of the Victory Tour, he hopes that seeing you again will bring only good memories. Not that there are many to choose from- but something in his gut is telling him that you will be the cure to his nightmares, or at the very least, someone to talk to about everything, even if it's just for a few months a year. Forever.

You're standing at the train station, surrounded by your family and an array of cameras, everyone anxiously awaiting the two of you being reunited. It's unknown to you if he will even get off the train, part of you hopes that he doesn't so your sisters don't get the chance to bug him. "He'll be happy to see you, hey?" Your mom interrupts your thoughts, nudging you gently with her elbow.

"Maybe." You shrug, pulling at the loose strings on the hem of your dress. "I don't know, I don't want to go. I'd rather stay home, Mom."

"I know, sweetheart... And we'll miss you." She sighs, kissing the side of your head and pulling you close with an arm around your shoulders. "But maybe it'll be nice to talk to him. He must understand you better than we can, these days."

"I don't know about that." You say softly, gazing down the tracks at the sound of the train quickly approaching. You take a deep breath, turning to hug your sisters so you have time. You were on a very tight schedule already, Opal was making sure of that. The train couldn't leave a minute late- even though you're sure that you and Rafe may be precious cargo, considering you're the only ones on it, spare for your teams, and the only reason the train is making this journey at all.

"I'll bet he jumps out of the train and tackles you to the ground because he missed you so, so, soooo much!" Your youngest sister giggles, clinging tightly to your arm.

You decide not to acknowledge it, eyes locked on the silver metal as it pulls up in front of you. "Don't say anything to him, you best leave him alone." Your dad reminds her, peeling her from your arm and into his side instead.

The door slides open, and just as you're lifting your one bag you're met with Rafe. Seeing him for the first time in person for months is shocking. He looks tired- you guess he's been having nightmares too. "Y/N.." He says, almost breathlessly as he leans against the door of the train.

"Hi." You whisper, giving him the best smile you can muster. Truly, you are happy to see him, but you do know he has to put on a show of the two of you being reunited. He jumps down, taking three large strides toward you before pulling you close and burying his face in your hair. "I'm so happy to see you."

"Me too." He mumbles, letting you go after a moment.

"Welcome to District Five, I guess." You laugh nervously, gesturing around you.

"Thank you, I've never been here before," Rafe explains, rather unnecessarily. "The ride was beautiful."

Opal is trying to usher you from behind the camera to move onto the train, and Rafe's hand is hanging at his side, fingers brushing gently over your arm. You get the message, just about to finally wave off your family for a second time. "Wait, hold on." Your dad cuts you off, stopping you both in your tracks.

"Thank you, Son." He nods, holding out his hand to Rafe. You can see his chin wobble, but you can also see that he's trying to keep a brave face for the cameras. Your family had been warned to not speak to him, to just say goodbye and let you walk onto the train since your reunion would be telecasted live- but he just couldn't let Rafe get away without him knowing how much he appreciated him saving you.

Rafe takes his hand and shakes it, returning the nod. "I would have died before taking her from you." They would have a less formal opportunity to meet towards the end of the tour when you revisited Five for a big celebration in both of your honour. You were already dreading it. Anyway, now, they only really had time for pleasantries. Not even that, if they were to follow Opal's schedule.

Cameras are quickly cut, and you wave goodbye now as you're actually forced onto the train. "Gosh, you two, we have places to be. Seriously." Opal says sternly, walking on behind you along with your stylist's team.

It's only a little while until you were talking again, like you had never been apart- and like everything was normal. Until, as the sun set over the mountains in District Eleven, you both got quiet, looking out the array of windows in the very last car.

"I'm glad to see you normally sign your name with a heart."

"Huh?"

"Uh, in the cave. You put your name on the wall, with a little heart beside it. I remember wondering if you normally write your name like that, and you do."

"Oh, yeah. When I'm signing something, I guess." You agree with a slight shrug. After a few moments of comfortable silence, both of you staring out the window over the tracks, you continue. "We're going to get in trouble. About what you said to my dad."

"I meant it," Rafe replies, not missing a single beat.

"Did Snow come to see you too?" You ask.

"Yeah." He nods. "I don't really care though, what can he do to me that he hasn't already done, you know?"

"He'd go after your sisters."

"He mentioned something about that. He won't, though. He's just trying to scare us into smiling for the cameras."

"I don't know..." You sigh. "I'd rather not risk it. Play it safe."

"You'll be doing that for the rest of your life, and he'll only demand more and more." Rafe shakes his head at you, reaching out and taking your hand. "With whatever is happening in the districts, he wouldn't run the risk of hurting our families. Your family, in particular. Panem loves your family, you gave them security by speaking so highly of them in the games, and they bought their own by spending all that money to send both of us something from home. He couldn't touch them without the whole country losing their minds."

"What? What's happening in the districts?" All you had seen on TV was reruns of your interviews and highlight reels of your own games. You tried not to watch much TV.

Rafe's eyes flicker with confusion as he scans your face. After a moment he realizes that of course, you wouldn't know. He only knows because of his dad- the news was so heavily censored in the outlying districts that there's no doubt you wouldn't have heard about the uprisings. "I-uh... My dad told me some stuff. There's been a couple of uprisings, nothing serious, but still. He wants us to keep them happy." He decidedly leaves out the fact that people in farther districts, outside of your own, are really not your biggest fans.

"Oh... Well, I'll try my best. Do you know what they were about?"

"No, uh, I don't know much about it. Sorry." Rafe mumbles, dropping your hand to push himself up from the couch. "I should probably get some sleep. You too."

Looking at how dark it is outside now, he's probably right. You have a long couple of weeks ahead, starting tomorrow. Starting it off with a full night's sleep would no doubt be beneficial- and who knows what time Opal will be waking you up in the morning.

You stretch out your arms as you stand up, yawning as you follow Rafe out the door and toward your cabin where your things are waiting for you.

It's not long after a quick shower that you pass out in bed, already tired and lulled to sleep by the steady movement of the train. And it's not long after that until you're standing on the silver pedestal that typically haunts your dreams yet again.

You look around, trying desperately to put together the pieces of where you are. You can't. You can, everything looks the same, but there's a feeling of panic in your gut that tells you you don't know a thing as the timer ticks down in front of you, the sound echoing throughout the arena.

Your head snaps to the left when you hear someone yelling for you. Your sister. She looks pale, you can practically see her shaking from where you're standing. She's yelling at you still, but you can't make out what she's saying as you realize that it isn't just her. Your whole family is there, and no sign of Rafe.

How are you supposed to do this without him?

The timer reaches zero, and the alarm blades signaling the games have begun. You're quick to sprint for your youngest sister, your first goal being getting her away. As you reach her you look back toward the cornucopia, blood already sprayed across the side of the glistening metal and bodies on the ground. Exactly the way it was last time.

"We have to get you out of here. We have to go south, we have to-" You're cut off by her freezing, stumbling back, and falling into the grass.

You call for her in a panic, looking back over your shoulder. You have nothing. There's nothing you can do to help as she chokes on blood from the knife now embedded in her chest.

It was you. You're standing there, a sick smile on your face with dropped shoulders- you had thrown it. Just how Rafe had taught you.

You wake up to the sound of your own screaming, sitting up quickly and kicking off your blanket. Your hair is stuck to your forehead as you scramble to place your surroundings. It wasn't real. It felt so real.

"Y/N?" You look up to the door in a panic as Rafe pushes the door open, brows furrowed in concern. "Are you okay?"

His presence starts to calm you almost instantly. "Yeah, just a dream." You say breathlessly. "I'm sorry if I woke you."

"I couldn't sleep anyway." He insists, stepping in and closing the door. "Can I stay?"

You just nod, sliding over to make room for him.

Rafe pads across the floor, climbing in bed next to you and laying down, getting comfortable as you lay facing each other. Your heart is still racing. You still see your sister suffering at your own hand.

Without saying a word, Rafe reaches up, hesitating for a moment before brushing your hair back from your forehead. "I get nightmares too." He whispers, settling his hand on your cheek, gently brushing over your skin with his thumb.

"I'm sorry." You whisper back, eyes still open as you try and look at him in the dark.

He knows you're not apologizing as if it's your fault, more so saying you wish that neither of you were plagued with the memories of what you had been through. "Me too." He whispers, finally closing his eyes. Maybe now, with you here, he'll feel safe enough to get a full night of sleep without being interrupted by the screams of the kids that he killed.

You wake up with another jolt when the door flies open, slamming against the wall. "Oh, thank god. Rafe! What are you doing in here? Get up, hurry. We've spent far too much time searching the train for you." You blink a few times, rubbing your eyes as you process the harsh awakening by his escort, Zara.

"I'm up..." Rafe grumbles from beside you, taking a deep breath in with his head pressed against your back and an arm over your waist.

"God, you scared me. Now come on, we're already late." She says, standing and holding the door, waiting for him to get moving.

He sighs in response, and you feel a rush of cold air as he leaves you, stretching as he gets up and follows Zara out of the room. The train has stopped moving, you notice this quickly as you get up yourself. It's safe to assume Opal is waiting for you as well.

Walking out onto the stage of District Twelve is humbling, to say the very least. They are among the poorest of Panem's districts, even District Five seems like the Capitol compared to this. The pedestals in front of us display images of the four tributes behind where their families stand. It is all too real as you stand there in front of a large crowd in yet another uncomfortable dress.

Rafe holds your hand as you walk out, scanning over the crowd too. Even his already fake smile begins to fade at the sight and he looks pale. He's clutching your speech cards in his other hand, and you clock how it's slightly shaking from nerves as you are directed to begin speaking and he raises the cards.

"We are united as Panem is united. Our love has opened our eyes to the greatness of our country." You can tell in his voice he's trying to maintain his charismatic charm, but it's failing him. He can't tear his eyes away from the tributes' families, recognizing the faces on the screens behind them. One of the girls stands out, and he shakes away her voice in his head begging him to spare her life with her leg caught in the trap he asked you to set. He adjusts his focus to the mountains in the distance before he continues. "Love illuminates the truth-"

"You're standing where Katniss and Peeta should be!" He's interrupted by someone shouting from the crowd. It's easy to pick out the voice in the sea of people. A boy, a few years older than you with dark hair and a strong build. He's worked his whole life, no doubt. There's a blonde girl next to him- Prim. Katniss's sister, who she had volunteered for last year.

Rafe is frozen, staring at them for a moment before looking back to Zara, who gestures for him to continue. He's squeezing your hand now, tighter. "That's her sister." You whisper to him before he gets the chance to speak again. "May I?"

He looks down at you, silently asking if you're sure. Secretly, Rafe is relieved. You nod to him again and he hands you the cards. You don't need them, so you place them down on the pedestal in front of you.

"I understand the tremendous loss your community has faced at the hands of these games. And I am sorry." Rafe taps your arm, watching you now as you speak. You look up at him briefly and he nods to you. "We are sorry." You correct, reading from him that that is what he wanted.

"We can't fix the past, but I can tell you that without Spruce, Fletcher, Trilly, and Cerise we wouldn't be standing here today. We are forever in debt to them, and to you, for something that we didn't want to take in the first place." You pause, clearing your throat as you feel a tightness in your chest. "I never knew Katniss or Peeta, but watching them at home inspired me, and remember wondering when I watched Katniss volunteer for little Prim if I would do the same for my sisters, and as much as I love them I realized that I don't know if I ever could. And then, at the end, when she and Peeta both chose to die rather than live without each other, rather than pumping out another victor from the games- I was in awe. Of their bravery, and of their sacrifice. I thought I could never do that. They were braver than me."

You stare around the silent crowd, aiming to memorize every face. "Then I met Rafe, and I finally understood them. We would have done the same, but we were given a greater opportunity. I don't know why it was us and not them, and what we did to deserve our lives again, but I am truly sorry that it wasn't them." You spit out, choking over every word.

"It's because he's one of them!" The same boy shouts, pointing at Rafe and you notice peacekeepers shoving their way through the crowd toward him.

Rafe swallows the lump in his throat, keeping a straight face as he looks out at the boy.

"We are sorry that you lost loved ones." You say again, looking up at him briefly.

Before you can continue, Rafe is moving you aside to speak again. "I will donate half of my winnings to the families of our fallen tributes, as well as the families of Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark. It is the very least I can do, and I know that it won't bring them back, but I am sorry."

Rafe sees the peacekeepers quickly approaching and he wraps one arm around you, holding the other out towards them. "Hey, hey! Don't touch her, we'll go." He says, letting the peacekeepers guide you back off of the stage and out of view as chaos breaks out in the crowd.

"Y/N Y/L/N are you crazy?" Opal is there quickly, looking like she is ready to smack you if she didn't know better.

"What? What did I do?" You ask, panic evident in your voice as you hear shots firing outside.

"She just said what she thought they wanted to hear." Rafe defends you, but even he knows you messed up. In the eyes of the President, anyways.

"Yes, but that is the exact opposite of what Snow wants to hear! And you! Offering them his money? Did you think that was smart?"

"I- I don't know, I didn't know what to do and lord knows I don't need it! They can have it all for all I care." Rafe sighs, shaking his head dismissively.

"Rafe! You were given explicit instructions to keep the peace! Your father is going to be furious, you realize that right?" Zara intervenes.

"Instructions to what, sell this 'against all odds love story'? They want us together so they can brainwash Panem into thinking that privileged districts and the stupid Capitol can get along with the others, and that we're all a big happy family, but its all bullshit. I don't want to be a part of that and I never asked to be." Rafe shouts at her, and Opal gasps as you look away.

"I'll- uhm, yeah. Right. Opal, can you come with me back to the train? I want to leave." You mumble.

She glares at Rafe as she places a hand on your back, leading you toward the exit with peacekeepers following to escort you out of the building.

Heartbreak wasn't exactly on your bingo card for the first day of the victory tour. At least you got your answers, though. Rafe wants nothing to do with you, and now you can go about the rest of your life being forced to pretend you're in love. Great.

The tour continues as scheduled. Every day, occasionally with a day of travel time in between, you find yourself standing on a stage, a smile glued to your face, reading from a script with your hand wrapped around one belonging to a boy who couldn't care less about you. It's torturous.

The day finally comes, after cycling painfully through all the other districts that you make it to the first of two big parties, you're finally home.

"Y/N, Honey, welcome home." Your mom greets you at the door with a hug.

"I missed you." You mumble, pulling her into a hug. She shuts the door behind you as you step away, looking outside for just a moment.

"Where's Rafe?"

"He's staying down the road." You mumble, avoiding eye contact with her and stalking up to your room.

You feel guilty about being grateful for the many empty houses in the victor's village, allowing him his own place to stay instead of staying with you.

You have a few hours of peace before Opal will come with your stylist to prep you and your family for the party and address that's happening tonight, and the one thing on your agenda before then is a good, long nap.

A good, long nap, however, was not something on your sister's agenda, and it was only a matter of minutes before she was barging into your room.

"Y/N! How come Rafe isn't here?" She asks aptly, throwing herself onto your bed next to you.

"He's busy." You grumble, pulling the blankets tighter around yourself.

"Oh, like you? So busy right now you can't say hi to your favourite sister?"

"You're not my favourite."

"Rude." She makes herself at home in your bed, curling up next to you. For the first three months you were home, she didn't leave your side. She had slept in your bed every night, uncomfortable both with the move and her new room away from the one you had previously shared, and also with the idea of losing you again. "Did you kiss him?" She giggles once she's settled in, whispering despite the first time you kissed Rafe being broadcast on national television for the whole country to see.

"No." You whisper back, feeling tears prick at your eyes. "He hates me."

"What? How? I need more details than that, I'm sure he doesn't hate you."

"It was all fake. To get people to like us, to make us win and now to keep Snow from coming after our families." You say quietly, finding it difficult to admit your naivety to even yourself. "He never meant any of it."

Your sister is shocked, jaw slack with your explanation. She's only sixteen, but you can see the gears turning in her head. She loves a romance book, and growing up in a house where your parent's hands were rarely disconnected has built her into somewhat of a relationship expert. Or so she thinks, at least. "No. No, that's not true."

"It is, he said it."

"Exactly like that? What were his exact words?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes."

"I don't remember."

"You're lying. There's not a thing anyone has ever said to you that you've forgotten." She insists. "But, fine, I guess it doesn't matter because I know it's not true. I've seen the way he looks at you when you're not watching. He's so in love with you it's absurd. Trust me."

You sigh, pulling the blanket away from your face to look up at her. "Don't say that."

"Why? I'm right."

You sniffle, wiping your eyes on the sheet before explaining. "He said we're being forced together to prove something to the public, and he never wanted to be a part of that."

"I knew you were lying." Your sister smiles, pushing your hair back from your face. "But that means nothing. Less than nothing! I wasn't there, but he probably meant that he doesn't want to be together just to be a public spectacle, or to push some agenda that's not his own. That says nothing about how he truly feels about you."

"I don't know..." You reply, skeptical of her thought process. "You should have seen him. He was so angry-"

"At you?"

"Well, no-"

"Then it wasn't about you." She assures you, tucking herself into the blanket. "We'll have a nap, and then you'll talk to him tonight."

"I don't think that's a good idea." You protest.

"It is. Now shh, I'm napping." She hums, eyes already closed as she drapes her arm over your side.

The exhaustion took over and you did end up falling asleep, your sisters breath on your face calming you enough to get some well-needed rest.

You're woken up abruptly, thrown into a show dress that is at least comfortable enough to breathe in, and after being smothered in makeup and hair fried, you're pushed out of the door and into a car.

This address will be hard. You know Jack's family, and to see them standing on the pedestal across from you, behind the crowd, leaves you sick just at the thought of it. Maisie's as well, though you were far from responsible for her death. Again, the idea of why it was you and not them crosses your mind. At this point, you doubt it will ever stop.

Standing backstage, waiting for your queue, Rafe approaches you hesitantly. He knows you're angry, but over the last couple of weeks, you haven't given him a moment to explain. He wishes he could just explain.

"Do you want me to take the lead on this one?" He asks, adjusting the collar of his shirt as he takes his spot next to you, suit tailored to match your dress.

"No. I've got it." You reply coldly, eyes locked on the door ahead of you.

Rafe sighs, reaching out to grab your hand, as was your routine now. You can hear the introductions on stage ahead of you, the audience quieting down. At least this time, the district is mostly celebrating a local win, rather than mourning the senseless deaths of four of their children. This time, it's only three.

You take his hand, building up the energy to smile. You're happy, and you're happy together. Convincing your home district will be harder because, for the rest of your life, you have to keep up this show.

"Can we talk later?" Rafe whispered, leaning down and your skin tingled with the contact of his breath.

"Okay." You say, tone hardly audible as the doors open for you. Let the show begin.

You both smile and wave your way onto the stage, for the first time being met with cheers rather than blank stares. It's refreshing until you see Jack's parents adorning their little stage at the back. You wish they looked angrier, like they believed you were responsible. For some reason, you feel like they don't.

You don't realize people are waiting for you to speak until Rafe does for you, once again ignoring the queue cards.

"District Five, thank you for welcoming me into your community. I have never been here before, but when I say it is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been, I mean it." He smiles, clearing his throat while the people clap. "I also want to say thank you, because without the sacrifice of your people, I wouldn't be standing here today. That means the world to me, more than I can ever express."

You chew on your lip, scanning across the back and finally seeing your own family. Their presence brings you a comfort you didn't know you needed so badly. "And to Y/N's family, thank you, truly, for raising your daughter into the incredible girl that she is. Without her, there is no chance I could have survived. She saved me. I can never repay you for what you have given me." You watch as your dad pulls your mom close with an arm around her shoulder, hugging her. She looks like she's going to cry, your dad does too.

You try not to laugh as your sister stands with her arms crossed, shaking her head at you, a smug smile on her face. "I told you." You read her lips, and you shake your head back at her.

"Okay, okay, thank you, Rafe." You chuckle, taking the mic from him. "I would just like to say, I am so lucky to be back, and thank you to all of you for being such amazing, supportive people my whole life. It takes a village, they say, and I know I was enough of handful for the whole village to be sick of." You shrug, pulling some laughs from the audience. "I also want to say, to Maisie, Jack, and Caylen's families, I am truly sorry for your loss, but they fought hard. I hope you are proud of who they were. And Mr and Mrs Kyle, I hope you know I never wanted to hurt Jack. I'm so sorry I ever did." You finish, taking a step back to signal that you were done.

Rafe drops your hand to gently rub your back as your eyes are once again trained on his parents. They're crying, of course, as are you, but as his mom nods at you, you feel an incredible weight lifted off your shoulders. One death you felt so personally responsible for, and their family was kind enough to forgive you. Rafe hasn't been so lucky, you've seen it first hand. As you guessed, he is sick about it. Somehow, seeing Jack's family offer you that moment of forgiveness makes him feel better, too, knowing that you won't be suffering the way he is forever.

"Remember, this is your day. Everyone is here to celebrate you, dear." Opal reminds you, gently smoothing the front of your dress back at your home, getting changed for the party. "I am so proud of you."

You smile, for some reason finding yourself fighting off tears. "Thank you, for everything. I know I wasn't always pleasant to be around."

"No one expected you to be." She assures you, planting a kiss on your cheek. "My beautiful victor..."

You look up as there's a knock on the door to your room. "Rafe is here, can we let him in?" One of your stylists assistants says through the wood and Opal answers before you get the chance.

"Yes, let him in." You give her a look and she chuckles, placing her hands on your shoulders. "He's been dying to talk to you, dear. We'll give you a few minutes, and we'll be right outside."

You sigh, nodding as the door gets pushed open. "Rafe! Dear, you look so handsome." Opal smiles at him, patting his shoulder as her and your stylist shuffle out, letting Rafe in and closing the door behind themselves.

Of course, you would be matching his outfit. By now you anticipated it, but Rafe's suits never failed to impress you. It was almost entirely white, with gold cuffs and collars, and somehow, the shoes were a gold leather as well. All matched perfectly to the accents on your dress, and you wonder if his suit alone cost more than the house you grew up in. It's likely.

"You look beautiful." He breaks the silence, smiling at you nervously.

"Thanks.. You too. Handsome. I mean, white suits you."

He clears his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. "I've missed you." He says, looking at you intensely to gauge your reaction. "Look, if... I did something I'm sorry. I was hoping we could talk, I want to fix things."

"If you did something." You scoff, nodding. You can't help but laugh a little bit.

"Okay, I did something. That's obvious, then. Okay." Rafe says, wracking his brain to figure out exactly where he went wrong. He has a good idea, because you ghosted him immediately after his fight with Zara and Opal in Twelve, but they had both forgiven him, understanding that he wasn't upset with them personally. "How do I fix it?"

"Oh, you want to fix it? That's rich. Truly."

"Y/N, I don't understand. You have to level with me, please." He begs, brow furrowed with upset now.

"You wouldn't want the Capitol to think we're fighting, right? You had a change of heart?" You ask rhetorically, grabbing a drink from the cart they moved into your room.

"Please, just spell it out for me. I can't go on like this, I almost lost you once. I'm not doing it again."

You sigh, the desperation in his voice forcing you to be more empathetic. "Okay, Rafe. Fine. You told them that you wanted nothing to do with this relationship. Right in front of me. I don't understand why you couldn't grasp that that hurt me, but if it wasn't clear, I really care about you."

Rafe looks down, staring at the carpet as he listens, nodding as he connects the dots. "Oh- oh! Oh, no, I didn't mean that. You have to know I didn't mean that, Y/N, come on!"

"Then why would you say it?" Your tears are threatening to return now as your voice shakes.

"Okay, I mean, I meant it, but that has nothing to do with you."

"Nothing to do with me? It has everything to do with me!"

"No, it doesn't." Rafe insists, stepping closer to you now. You can't bring yourself to back away. You've missed having him close. "I meant I don't want to be with you just so they can have a new front page couple. I meant I want to be with you because I want to be with you. Because I love you, not because they want me to love you."

You freeze, thinking over what he said. His I love you echoing in your mind like you're standing in a wind tunnel. "I... What?"

"Y/N," Rafe chuckles, reaching up now and holding your face in his large hands. "You are the smartest person I have ever met in my life, but sometimes, you are so dumb."

You can't help but giggle at that, shaking your head slightly. Rafe looks at you like you're holding his world in your hands. "Do you mean it?" You ask after a few moments.

"I've never meant anything more." You can feel his breath on your skin for the second time in one day, and you don't think you can go without it for another. You're sure your heart stops beating for a moment as he thumbs over your bottom lip, and just as you're sure you could throw up from how pretty he looks up close, you're pulling on the front of his jacket to close the gap between you.

It works, beautifully, and despite your confidence in the moment, he's very gentle. You've kissed before, sure, but you were both pumped so full of adrenaline that you couldn't stop laughing long enough to enjoy it- and that's looking past the fact that he was likely moments from death; thank god for the anti-venom the peacekeepers brought on board.

You hold tight onto his jacket, likely to keep your knees from buckling under you as his lips pass over yours, over and over again. "I love you too." You mumble into his skin, and you can feel him smiling against you.

"Kids? It's awfully quiet in there! Not to interrupt but we are on a deadline here!" Opal calls through the door, knocking on it gently with a gloved hand.

At the intrusion you practically jump apart, sighing a breath of relief when she doesn't open the door. "Okay, coming! Just one second." You reply, trying to hide the shakiness in your voice as you gather your things.

You don't know why you're desperate to avoid suspicion, but you're pulling the door open before either of you say anything else to each other. You both know you're okay, and that's what matters.

"Oh! Good, you're ready to go? Let's get moving." Opal nods at you as you pass her, cheeks burning. "Oh my, absolutely not!" She gasps, and you turn to see as Rafe walks out and she's producing a small linen from her bag and wiping off his mouth for him.

"I can do it..." Rafe mumbles, grabbing it from her to remove the rest of your lipstick from around his mouth as you both feel your faces turning red.

Unfortunately, you were only allowed time for one night at home before you moved on to the last uncovered district in your tour, District One.

"Are you excited to be home?" You ask Rafe, once again curled up in the back train car looking at the view. You've got a blanket draped over both of you, your legs falling over his lap.

"I really liked your brother. He's cool." Rafe dodges the question tactfully, and it's not lost on you that he doesn't want to talk about his home. "And your sister was hilarious."

"Yeah," You scoff, shaking your head. "I don't know who gave her Posca, but they shouldn't have. She was drunk out of her mind."

"Isn't she fifteen?"

"Sixteen actually, her birthday was last month." You laugh, dropping your head back onto the armrest behind you. "Be honest though, if you were given that opportunity at sixteen wouldn't you take it?"

Rafe shrugs, running his hand up and down your thigh. "Probably not, my dad would throw a tantrum."

"Is he strict?"

"Extremely."

"Oh. Still? I mean, one, you're eighteen- you're not a kid anymore, and two, shouldn't he just be happy you're alive? Even if that means you're drinking underage?"

"You would think." Rafe sighs, patting your leg gently. "Our reputation is his number one priority. Not his kids."

"I see." You nod softly. "That must be hard for you."

"Well, it's all I've ever known. So it's not that bad. I just worry about my sisters."

"I would too." You agree. "But, they have you. That makes all the difference."

"I try to. He wants them to volunteer, though. The only thing better for his business than one kid in the games is two, and the entertainment factor in that is valuable." Without any cameras around to record your every move, for one of the first times ever, Rafe can speak more candidly to you about it. And it is such a relief.

"That is just... so unfathomable to me." You reply. "Not to disrespect him, or anything, I mean all the respect for who he is and what he does, but I just can't imagine why he wouldn't prioritize your lives more. Especially after your mom..." You trail off here, realizing that's a door only he should open. You had seen a profile of him on the news, as a matter of fact your whole family sat down to watch it together after you got home. You don't know details of what happened, but they mentioned that she passed when he was ten. It broke your heart.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to..." You try and correct yourself, feeling him tense up under you as he stares out the window across from you.

"It's okay." Rafe insists, relaxing himself again to continue tracing patterns on your leg. "You're right. It is kind of backwards. I never got that before, but after going through what we did... I wouldn't ever want my sisters to get pushed through the same turnstile. You know?"

"Of course." You nod softly, grabbing his hand off your leg and holding it.

"Anyway, my mom never wanted us to volunteer. She stood out that way, people looked down on her because of it. Then she got sick and... yeah." Rafe continues and you squeeze his hand.

"I'm sorry, truly." You say, tone gentle.

"It happens." Rafe shrugs. "I admit, I was disappointed when Sarah didn't get picked with me. Especially with the team aspect, and I'm surprised that she didn't, but now I'm so glad she wasn't. Not to say she wouldn't have been a strong competitor. If she gets picked next year I guarantee she will win, actually." He says, smiling fondly with a shake of his head. "I've tried talking her out of volunteering, but she hasn't budged. She wants to please Ward, and I get that. I just hope she has the strength that I didn't."

"That's hard. I mean, at least I don't have to convince my sisters not to volunteer. They wouldn't do it if we begged them to, not that we ever would. Obviously." You chuckle, and Rafe does too. "Maybe... Would you mind if I talked to her? I have a way with little sisters."

"By all means." Rafe nods. "Good luck, though."

"I have a question." You say, after a moment of silence between the two of you, the train rattling over the tracks below you with an almost unsettling smoothness.

"Shoot."

"Since so many people volunteer, doesn't that take away the purpose of volunteering? Do they put all the volunteers into a bowl and draw names anyway? How do they pick?"

Rafe laughs, dropping your hand to reach out and ruffle your hair. "You will see."

It isn't long before you start pulling into One. It looks like a mini Capitol, but with more mansions and less giant buildings, it was extravagant nonetheless. Your face was practically glued to the window the whole drive in, as Rafe pointed out who lived where, and any landmarks you passed. It was fascinating, and you wished you were on speaking terms when you arrived in Five. There would have been lots to share.

You can't help but note that his family wasn't there to greet the train, at least you don't think they were- there was a crowd of strangers there waiting excitedly, along with more security to escort you and your teams away from the station.

Everyone there seemed to be a fan, particularly of Rafe's, and this was a comforting change of pace.

Rafe watches you with a fond smile as you stop, crouching down to talk to a little girl who wiggled past security and pulled on the bottom of your dress.

"This is for you, Miss Y/N." She says, so quietly you can hardly hear her over the sound of shuttering cameras and shouting in your direction.

You take the small flower from her and smell it. "It's beautiful, thank you, hun." You smile, taking it and tucking it behind your ear. "What's your name?"

"Clara."

"Clara, that's such a lovely name. Thank you for coming to say hi."

"Can I give you a hug?"

You nod, opening your arms to the little girl who practically falls into your lap, hugging you right around your neck. "When I grow up I'm going to be just like you. I'm gonna win." She says as you let her go, and your heart drops in your stomach.

Your smile falters and you nod at her a little. "Stay safe, okay?" You settle on, gently pushing her hair out of her eyes and standing up as Rafe places his hand on your shoulder, signalling it was really time to go.

You ease the girl back to her waiting parents, before standing upright and joining Rafe, waving to people as you follow him to the car, trying to shake off the uneasy feeling you're left with after that interaction.

The speech in District One was easier, similar to District Two, where people seemed happy to see you- more careless of the lives of young people they had lost. To them, it was an honour to go, even if you never returned home. That's where you first laid eyes on Rafe's sisters, and you could see immediately the difference he was telling you about.

Sarah looked much more like him, and Wheezie like their father, you could only guess that their mother had the dirty blonde hair and blue eyes she passed onto her oldest children.

At the party, it wasn't long before you saw her again, despite the large property and the sea of guests. Pretty much the moment you walked in, Ward was on the two of you with the girls in tow.

"Y/N! It is so good to meet you." He smiles, reaching out to shake your hand which you quickly oblige.

"You as well, Mr. Cameron."

"Please, call me Ward. All my friends do." He grins, nodding to the two girls with him. "These are my daughters, Sarah and Louise."

You try and introduce yourself, but you hardly get past a smile before he's ushering the group of you along. "There are loads of people who have been looking forward to meeting you. Come with me."

You just smile and nod, Rafe staring blankly at his dad as he leads the way.

You meet lots of people, and despite your average height you feel like they're looking down on you. No doubt you're seen as somewhat of a freeloader- carried through the games by Rafe's strength and training, but despite this, Ward introduces you to every last person as Rafe's girlfriend. Not that you mind, you had to assume that's what you were. He didn't seem bothered by it, so neither would you.

"I'm off to grab a drink, care to join?" Sarah offers, linking her arm with yours after what must have been the twenty-fifth new person in the last hour.

"I'd like that." You agree, giving a slight wave to Rafe who nods in approval before you're gone.

"It's a lot. I'm sorry." Sarah says, smile on her face as she guides you through the crowd.

"No, it's nice. I like meeting new people."

"No you don't." Sarah cuts you off, and you can tell it's not with bitter intentions.

"Not really, no." You cave and agree, laughing quietly.

"Rafe told me that. He said you didn't talk the first few days he knew you."

"That's not true." You laugh, correcting her quickly. "Not entirely. I was in shock, I guess."

Sarah shrugs, dropping your arm as you reach the bar. Before either of you say anything the bartender, an avox clad in the standard red uniform, places two drinks in front of you.

"Thank you." You smile, lifting the glass. They just nod and quickly move on as Sarah grabs her drink as well.

You sneak off into a somewhat quiet corner, where you can sit and talk without too many people overhearing. "Rafe speaks very highly of you, I was looking forward to meeting you." You offer as you both sit down at an empty couch.

"Now that," Sarah laughs, coughing slightly on her drink. "Is a shock."

"What?" You laugh. "No way, he loves you."

"No." Sarah shakes her head, gesturing across the room to where she's spotted her family. "He loves Wheezie. I'm just around."

You look over to where she pointed, seeing Rafe standing with his sister as they discreetly jab each other in the side while Ward is talking to yet another "important" friend. Rafe is trying to hide his smile, keep it professional, but he's cracking.

"He loves you too. Just as much." You insist. "Are you open to my theory?" You ask, looking at her as she returns her gaze to you, raising a questioning brow.

"Please." She tilts her glass toward you, urging you to continue.

"I think you guys are a lot alike. And that scares him because he doesn't want you to be like him." You say confidently, polishing off the statement with a sip of the champagne in your hand.

"That..." Sarah takes a drink before continuing. "Is not an entirely bad theory."

"Are you going to volunteer?" You ask, deciding to get right to it. Sarah doesn't seem like the type to dance around what she wants to say, she's confident in every statement she makes. She truly does remind you of Rafe when you first met him.

"Did Rafe ask you to talk me out of it?"

"No. I offered." You reply honestly. "But really I'm just curious. He does tend to be kind of biased these days."

"I see." Sarah nods, thinking on it for a moment. "Tell him I haven't decided yet."

"I have two sisters, both your age and Wheezie's, but I also have an older brother. I see myself in both of you." You explain. "I think you should do what feels right to you. Not to Rafe and me, or to Ward, or to anyone, really. But if you did ask me, I would tell you I would volunteer again somehow if it meant sparing my sisters. I wouldn't wish it on anyone."

Sarah listens to you intently. Whether her reaction shows it or not, you can tell she's really thinking about it. That's all you could ask for. "All the fame and the money it could bring your family isn't worth Wheezie's life, so why would it be worth yours?" You add.

"Would you give it up now if it meant you would have never met my brother?" She follows up with a simple question, but it stumps you.

"I don't know." You answer honestly, watching him again across the room. "But he was the only good thing to come out of it."

The air is warm in the Capitol, and you're not sure whether to attribute that to the humidity of polluted and stuffed air, or the several fire features decorating the President's property lawn where you're attending yet another party in your honour. It feels far from welcoming.

You can't bring yourself to drink, despite how tempting it is to drown out the evening in bottles of whatever alcohol they're handing out on seemingly endless trays of crystal glasses. 

You're clinging to Rafe's arm, accepting compliments from people who look like they've never known any kind of trauma in their lives. The way the Capitol elite feel entitled to every detail of your life makes you nauseous.

"Thank you everyone for coming." The President's voice is booming suddenly over speakers you can't see, and everyone's attention is drawn to where he's standing on the balcony overlooking the property. "It is my honour to host our most recent victors here with us tonight, Rafe Cameron and Y/N Y/L/N!" He stops to allow applause as you smile awkwardly and nod to those around you, waiting anxiously for him to continue. You just want to get this over with. 

"Your love story has been an inspiration to us all, and I'd like to raise a toast to your success and to your happiness." People around you congratulate you, and you lean your head onto Rafe's shoulder, squeezing his arm.

"President Snow would like to see you both in his office." A peacekeeper says, appearing out of nowhere and gently escorting you into the building.

"What do you think this is about?" You whisper as you reach a blocked-off hallway.

"I don't know." Rafe mumbles back. He has a good idea though, to him toast sounded more like a threat than a celebration. "Just... let me handle it. Okay?"

You just nod, stopping behind the peacekeeper at a big wooden door. He nods, gesturing that you enter.

"Have a seat." Snow offers, and Rafe pulls out your chair for you, deciding that he would stand. "Thank you for coming."

"We were in the area." Rafe replies impatiently. "What can we do for you?"

"I wanted to discuss our agreement one more time, since clearly, the two of you were left a little confused." Snow says, resting his hands on the desk that sits between you. 

"The money was a show of good faith." Rafe replies, resting his hand on your shoulder. 

"To you, maybe, but to them, it is a sign that you are on their side." The President corrects. "You are not one of them. Not anymore. If they believe that you are, that they have people with power on their side, the uprisings will continue and the death toll will be catastrophic. I have a feeling that both Districts One and Five will not recover."

You bite your tongue, keeping your eyes locked on the rose sitting in front of you on the desk. "I think there is no use in giving the people of Panem false hope, because you do not have the power you think you do. You are not invincible. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir." You nod softly, anxious to leave.

"Go enjoy the party. After all, it's all for you." Snow dismisses you, and neither of you are in a position to argue.

Leaving the Capitol again was a relief, especially with the promise that a train would be made available to either of you as you wished to travel exclusively between your home Districts. Not that you would particularly want to travel anywhere else, anyway. 

Rafe had a preference for coming to visit you, despite your home being much smaller than his. And much more crowded, but he didn't mind. Having a home full of sounds felt much more welcoming to him, even if he was only there for a weekend here and there. He had sisters to look after as well.

In all those months, he came down twice a month, and you looked forward to it every time. Everything was so normal, besides the interviews you did every so often, just to show everyone how happy you were thanks to the "generosity" of the Capitol, and that's a story you're more than pleased to stick with if it means keeping your families safe.

"It isn't far, right? Because I'm too out of shape for a long hike." Rafe jokes, letting you pull him by the hand through a wooded area not far from your house.

"Oh please, you could do it in your sleep." You laugh, shaking your head. "But no, if you must spoil the surprise, it's not far."

Rafe follows you silently, smiling as he watches you beat your way through a slightly overgrown path. The image flickers in his mind of you in your windbreaker, hair tied back around itself to keep it away from your eyes as you run through the bushes in the arena.

"Here, look." You interrupt his thought process with a jolt, the sunlight blinding him as you push past a final branch and hold it out of his way. "Behold, the pride and joy of District Five." You smile, gesturing out over the cliffside.

"Oh, wow." 

"Isn't it pretty?" You ask, dropping his hand to walk closer to the edge overlooking the large dam. "All the electricity in all of Panem comes from here."

"I didn't expect it to be so... scenic." Rafe says, joining you closer to the edge as you sit down.

"Yeah, it's pretty." You agree, crossing your legs. "My dad worked in there for years, he just retired. My brother works there now."

"I can imagine." Rafe says, tearing his eyes away from the depth of the ravine in front of him to look at you. You look so at home here, he can tell by how you're hunched over so casually tossing pebbles off the cliff that must be a thousand feet deep. Even then, you're not scared. "Do you come here a lot?" 

"Is that a pickup line?" You giggle, leaning back on your palms as you look over at him.

"Well, no, but would it work?" He smirks, placing his hand over yours as he matches your position.

"Only because it's you." You laugh, shaking your head.

"That was the correct answer." Rafe chuckles, looking back down at the giant damn that's filtering water through, powering his family's mansion back home. He thinks of all the hours your dad put in, sometimes sixteen-hour days he recalls him sharing, that he was working in the power plant to keep the lights on at Rafe's kitchen table where he sat with his dad and his sisters rarely uttering a word. The same hours your brother is working now.

"How do you feel about this mentor thing?" You ask out of nowhere. "We start soon."

"I don't know. It'll be weird to be working against you." Rafe replies.

"Don't think of it like that. Besides, what was it you told me, that you have a whole team of them? You probably can just sit back and watch them work." You say, trying to raise his spirits a bit. "That gives us more time to visit."

"I feel like 'visit' is a strong word." Rafe laughs. "Hopefully it'll be more than that." He says, moving over to wrap his arm tightly around your waist, kissing your cheek.

"That would be nice." You agree with a sigh. "I don't know, I just don't know what kind of advice to give. What, find someone you trust? I think we just got lucky."

"You'll be the best mentor." Rafe insists. "I wish I had you."

"I wish we hadn't needed one. I don't want to see kids come through year after year and watch them die. I wish I could make it stop, it all seems so pointless."

"It's about control. They'll never give that up." Rafe shakes his head. "So don't think for a second it's your fault."

"I know... It's just so complicated."

"I'm glad it brought me to you, though." 

You smile, leaning your head on his shoulder.

"Hey!" You're startled by a voice behind you, both of you standing up quickly. "You have to come back." Your brother says, chest heaving from his exertion of running all the way up the hillside.

Rafe relaxes from where he placed himself in front of you at the sound, letting you step in front of him. "What happened?" You ask, seeing the look on his face.

"There's been an announcement." He answers, laboured breathing starting to return to normal. "About the games."

The two of you follow him in silence all the way back, anxiety in both of you spiking after your brother wouldn't answer any more questions. When you walk into the house, you're met with a paused TV, your parents on the couch, and your sister with tear-stained cheeks and reddened eyes. "What happened?" You ask again, hoping to get some answers.

Rafe pulls you close to himself after shutting the front door, leading you into the living room. "Here, um, have a seat, kids." Your mom says, hardly audible as you sit down.

She wipes her eyes as your dad presses play on the television, and it's a rewound clip of the news. Rafe wraps a shaky arm around you on the couch as Caesar Flickerman starts speaking.

"We have a unique announcement today regarding the upcoming, highly anticipated, Seventy-Sixth annual Hunger Games." He starts, and you get tunnel vision as you stare at the screen. "This is a twist no one saw coming on the heels of last year's Quarter-Quell, but President Snow has decided there will be a permanent change in the rules. From now on, any victor remaining under the age of eighteen will once again be eligible for the reaping."

taglist: @bookishbabyyy @madelynie, @whore-4-drewstarkey, @slut4drudy, @winterrrnight, @totalswag, @sadfury @fullfledgedemo @rafemotherfuckingcameron, @urfaveluvr, @chenslucy, @hxnnah-397, @s-we-e-t-t-ea, @tahliac11, @saccharinesammie, @ietss, @maybankslover @redhead1180, @suzyheartsrafe, @wpdailyminimeta, @aegons-bitch, @rafegirly, @lovelyxtommy, @dee127, @r1vrsefx, @gillybear17, @flonkertn, @thatsthewaythechrissycrumbles, @thelomlisrafecameron

[literatecowboy]

The King With No Name

7. Prisoner

Part 1 Next Part Summary: König - the king of Caldera - has been called upon by your father to choose a bride from his daughters in order to establish an alliance to keep peace over the lands they rule. When he arrives, he is enraptured by you, your father’s eldest child - an unconventional woman by all standards. He pursues your hand in marriage, doing his best to make you fall in love with him like he has fallen in love with you - much to your dismay Author's Notes: Finally some smut, but it's minimal and they're prevented from exercising their actual desires. I'd like to formally apologize for teasing all of you and taking a long time to make word come out brain cell Warnings: Arranged marriage, light smut, pining, dogged pursuit of reader’s love and affection, betrayal, mild angst, kidnapping

-----

You woke up the next morning to König humping you in his sleep. 

“Maus,” he mumbled breathily in your ear as he ground his erection against your ass, his arms wrapped tightly around you to hold you in a vicelike grip. You tried to sit up and rubbed your eyes groggily, glancing back over your shoulder at him, confused. 

“König?” you murmured, trying to shake yourself free from his grasp, which only made him hold you tighter. 

“König, you big horny bastard, wake up,” you grumbled, your face hot as you felt how massive he was as he ground against the swell of your ass. He stirred slowly, his hips slowing as he woke up. 

“Maus?” he murmured, his grip loosening. You rolled away and faced him, still embarrassed. 

“You were asleep,” you said softly, not meeting his eyes.

“I am sorry,” he said sharply, reality coming into focus as he realized what had happened. You felt the bed beside you shift as he started to get up. 

“No, Koni, it’s okay. You were asleep. You can stay,” you said softly, resting a hand on his forearm. 

“I cannot, maus. If I stayed…the things that I already wish to do to you…” He leaned over and kissed you hungrily, pushing his hood almost up to his eyes. You kissed back, your hands finding his chest. After exploring for a moment you sighed and pushed back against him gently. 

“I understand. Go on,” you murmured in between kisses. König pushed himself off of the bed and away from you, heading for the bathroom. The door shut heavily behind him and you sat up, your face hot and your heart racing. 

—

You left to find something to eat before König came out of the bathroom. 

The dining room was barren and lonely so you headed for the barracks to eat with the soldiers. Wilhelm was there and you decided to sit by him again, yawning as you plopped down. 

“Am I your preferred breakfasting partner? Do you wear out dear König so much that he must sleep in for hours each morning?” he asked with a laugh. You giggled and shrugged. 

“Last night was quite exciting. I caught my first criminal I’ll have you know,” you said. 

“Oh, I heard. Mostly about how furious König was when he left, though, and how calm he was after your recapture,” Wilhelm teased, shaking his head. 

“I did well. I’m quite proud of myself,” you said, smiling as you ate. 

“She was a natural. You are quite gifted with the bow, my lady,” Sheriff Klein said as he approached the table with a smile and sat down beside you. Wilhelm smiled. 

“You may have done well, yes, but that doesn’t mean that you should make a habit of sneaking out at night and taking on dangerous men with little experience. König was shouting and screaming, tearing through this place to find you. I’m shocked he didn’t kill those men where they stood,” he said. 

“I for one am glad that they’re alive. They’ll stand trial and serve as an example to warn others not to rob innocents on the road. The fact that the new queen played a hand in catching them will make this quite the sensational story, my lady,” Klein said, making you smile proudly. 

“I’m only proud that I was able to lend my hand to protect the people. I’m excited to explore the city today and see what it’s like around here,” you said. 

“I had other plans for you today, maus.” König’s voice caught you by surprise and you turned around to find him standing behind you, leaning against the doorway. 

“Well enlighten me as to what they are and I’ll decide what I’d rather do,” you quipped, turning back to finish your breakfast. He chuckled and came to your side, nodding in greeting to Wilhelm and Klein who dipped their heads respectfully. 

“Since you seem so content to fight with bandits on the roads, I am going to teach you how to use a sword properly.”

“That sounds plenty fun, actually. Count me in.”

—

Not long after breakfast, you were standing in the training yard, facing a dummy, a simple sword clutched in your hands. König stood behind you, helping you hold the thing and pressing his body into yours. 

“Have you ever swung a sword before, maus?” he murmured in your ear, his mask brushing against your neck and tickling you. 

“Plenty. I just like the bow better,” you said, squirming and stepping away from him slightly. König laughed and released you, drawing his sword. 

“Very well then, maus. Strike at me, show me the rage in your little body,” he teased, holding his arms open wide. You planted your feet carefully in the dirt, circling him carefully as you looked for your best angle. He watched you, a glint of amusement in his eye. 

“I’d rather just shoot you in the head,” you admitted, coming to a stop in front of him with a sigh. The soldiers in the courtyard were watching idly, and König laughed. 

“That is a shame, maus, because you have left your bow inside. Come on, hit me,” he gestured towards his chest. You bit your lip and sized him up, taking in how truly massive he was.

Then you charged, lunging forward and slashing at him from the side. König blocked your strike with ease and the strength of the movement sent you stumbling back, falling on your rear into the dirt. 

Your cheeks heated as König laughed softly, leaning forward to offer you his hand. You took the opportunity to brandish the sword at him, poking him in the chest with the point. 

“Got you!” you beamed as he laughed once more, knocking your sword to the side and scooping you up. 

“Oh, I love you, my smart little wife,” he said, smiling under the hood. You pushed it up and kissed him gently, sliding your arms around his neck as he returned the kiss. 

—

You ate dinner in the barracks with König and his men that night, sharing stories and laughter late into the evening as he watched on carefully. Rather than giving you your own chair, he pulled you onto his lap and fed you from his own plate, watching your expressions as you sampled new foods and calling for extra of the ones you liked. 

At the end of the night, he had to steady you as you teetered towards the bedroom on unsteady legs, tipsy from the wine you’d both had plenty of glasses of. König laughed and caught you as you nearly fell while examining a flower, picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder with ease. 

You squealed as he burst into the bedroom and tossed you down on the bed, falling on top of you and trapping your body beneath his. In an instant, his hood was pushed back and his lips found yours. 

His hands roamed your body as your eyes fluttered shut, trailing from your waist to your breasts and giving them a gentle squeeze. You groaned softly into the kiss and wrapped your arms around him, pulling him closer as he worked at the buttons at the front of your shirt.

Growing frustrated after failing to undo the final button, he tugged your shirt off and over your head, tossing it away. He immediately latched onto one of your breasts, wrapping his lips around the nipple and biting gently. 

You tossed your head back and groaned, wrapping your legs around his waist as you tugged at the ends of his own shirt impatiently. He tore it off, detaching only for a moment before his mouth found your skin again and he was biting at the side of your breast, leaving a trail of red marks down towards your hips. 

You ran your hands up his chest and took in the sight of him in the candlelight. He was muscular and scars crisscrossed his body, and you reached out to trace them with your fingers as he worked at your belt. 

There was a pounding at the door then and König jerked up. You scrambled away from him, picking up your shirt and hurrying into the bathroom, your heart racing even though you were out of sight. 

“What?!” he snarled as he wrenched open the door, chest heaving as he seethed with anger. 

“We’ve been invaded from the south and the east. Tell the queen - her father, her family - have been imprisoned. Lord Ferdinand has seized power and aligned himself with King Lyron and they march upon us.”

—

König was dressing himself in his war armor before the door to the room even shut. You raced from the bathroom, still undressed, and threw yourself at him. 

“König, you must take me with you to your war camp. This is a betrayal of the highest order.” Tears streamed down your face as you tried to stay composed, shaking as you hugged him tight, squeezing your eyes shut as you did your best to calm yourself. He gently pried your body from his, taking your hands and kneeling in front of you. 

“Maus,” he said softly. “My wildflower, I will not make you kill those who were once your friends. Remain here where you will be safe. I will return to you.”

“You are not so stupid as to think that I will not follow you anyway,” you said, squeezing his hands. He nodded. 

“Which is why it pains me to make this decision, maus,” he said as he rose, helping you back into your shirt carefully. Once you were covered, he opened the bedroom door once more and stepped out, his armor clanking as he walked. 

“Sir Wilhelm, you must have your men watch her carefully when I am gone. Keep her under lock and key. Consider her my…prisoner,” König said softly. 

“Wait, no!” You cried, scrambling out of the room and towards König. Two guards held you back, forcing you back into the room as you yelled and kicked and punched at them, trying to claw your way back to König’s side. He did not look back as he left.

-----

Taglist: 

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[keelt9]

Chapter 7

Masterlist

Mika takes out of the oven a new tray of cookies, white chocochips. “You fly right to Monaco or Belgium?” With her day off she insisted we should do a sleepover. 

In her apartment the combination of color green and white makes you feel calm in every room, she said after a long day she could fall asleep even in the kitchen without a problem.

The last GP before summer break has me more excited than I could ever expect and with no race week in the middle of it, it only increases a little bit more.

“I have to pick my last bag from my brother's house, then from Belgium right away to here.” I take a sip of my tea. It's a sleepover but she refused to let another drop of caffeine be on my body, while she can avoid it.

She has that smile, the corner of her lips barely raises but her eyes full of admiration.

“I’m not going to be emotional if it’s what you’re expecting, I’m just proud, that’s all.” Mika takes her baking gloves off her hands, sitting next to me.“Just a few things we need to work on.”

I scoff, but she’s right. “Less caffeine, more vitamins and minerals, and proper hours of sleep…” I cover her mouth with another cookie. 

“I got it, I got it. Take care of myself.” Her doorbell along my cell phone warned us the food is here.

“That’s mint, although.” She points to the sticker at the back of my phone. “Tell Lewis I wouldn't mind one of these.” 

I turnt it around observing the sticker while she's walking to her door. A tyre and in the middle a small paw; is now on my phone case. 

I whisper to myself before biting my lip. “It was someone's last request before I go.”

I arrived in Monaco Wednesday night, Lewis will come to pick me up on the weekend. Right now, he is America, fashion icon one more time.

All my boxes were successfully delivered to London; let me spend the days working, my determined conviction is to enjoy the last to GP without having to work in the paddock.

That Friday night, after I went for a glass of water; back in my room the screen on my phone is lights on, 2 missing calls. I don’t have to ask who it was because it’s calling one more time.

“Y/N?” The voice of Alexa is full of relief. “I’m sorry, I know it’s late but could you…”

“It’s urgent mon amour!” Alexa bluffs, the voice of Charles clearly hammered sounds so funny.

“Long story but can you com…” One more time she’s interrupted.

“Hellu, Y/N? It 's you right, bien sûr que c’est vous, Max is acting like a kid.” Yeah, only him. 

Like he’s telling a secret he whispers right to the phone. “He refuses to go, maybe you don’t have notice but it’s late at night, really late..”

I heard Alexa asking him to sit one more time. “Sorry, it’s just…”

It only takes me one look around the dark room and the clock, 2:31 am. “I’ll go, send me the address.” 

I bet the cab driver must have been chuckling when he heard the direction I asked him to take me and a girl wearing  joggers, hoodie and a cap.

When I arrived a lot of people were coming out of a fancy club, nice clothes still some totter and others into a “deep” talk.

I took my phone out and dialed Alexa's number. “Where are you?” She told me, took them to a nearby bench so they could calm down. 

The near bench was 2 blocks away!

The scene I found it’s far away, the one I'll picture on my way here. Alex is holding Charles hand who is leaning in her arm as Max sits still, eyes closing, when she sees me her face relax.

“Hi, I’m sorry for the delay.” My voice makes Charles open his eyes and point at me.

“There she is!” Alexa rolls her eyes but she is smiling at him.

“I’m the one who should say sorry, but… things went out of control.” I shake my head. “He refused to go.”

I softly touch Max’s shoulder, he opens his eyes like the last time the redness in his face is evident. 

“Are you ok?” Max stands or at least he tries because immediately sits down one more time. “No, you don’t.” My hand on his shoulder is enough for him to rest his head over it. “Hm, I’ll call a cab to take you home, all right?”

Actually I called for two, one for Alexa and Charles and another for Max; she was worried if I would be ok, I calmed her telling her it’s not my first time, making her giggle.

A couple of minutes after they left, a cab stopped in front of us. “Come on Max, it’s time.” 

I put his arm around my shoulder as he got into it, thank God the woman didn't mind taking a look at the boy who has a cap of Machster university. 

After I made sure he’s safe, I was about to close the door, he slightly pulled my hoodie. “It's late, remember, I’ll protect you.”

Not again. 

I take a deep breath, I try to get his hand from my hoodie but he covers my hand with his other hand. “Please.” 

Who could I… 

By the time we reached his apartment I already had backup in case I could need them. 

Max has been dealing pretty well until we get into the lift, he comes out of the cab without so much fuss, walking inside of his building, swaying a little bit, but inside he leans back slowly slipping on the floor of the lift.

A deja vu. “Ok, no, no.” This time I’ll gladly help him to stand, however when he stands the metal door helps me to see he has a smirk on his face.

“Are you enjoying this?” I ask fighting to contain a smile, and his arm around my shoulder. Max shakes his head but a giggle escapes too. “Yeah, sure.”

Took Max 5 minutes to open his door, but he refused to let me help him, saying it’s a door, <Who can’t open a stupid door?> Well…

The impressive amount of trophies in his home along with some helmets and his sim, left me speechless. “Wow.”

Max smiles looking at me with eyes half close. “I couldn't make it all fit.”

“Let’s go, you need to lay down.” He points to the last door. “Believe me, you’re heavier than I think.”

His bedroom has a clear contrast, creamy colors with a navy blue and just a few  frames with photos is all I can see.

With a smile on his face, lays down in his bed. Searching for a blanket, he rolls to his right with eyes closed so I thought he was already asleep; I was about to leave his room when he speaks.

“Tell me a story.” I tilt my head, his eyes still closed but he patted the side of the bed so I could sit.

“Am…I'm not pretty good at telling stories. Dad used to make sleep humming a Bob Marley song… And definitely I'm not going to sing to you.” The memories of dad taking me to my room in his arms as he sings a full song while he covers me watching me fall asleep are one of my most treasured memories.

“That sounds like a good story.” His bubbly laugh makes me smile.

I scratch my forehead, trying to find another story to tell him. “Fuck.”

Max opened his eyes, visibly tired, still making a huge effort to stay awake. “I never heard you curse…Interesting.” 

I laugh because it’s the most silly thing I heard that night. “Let me think, you asked me where the idea of the shelter was, right?” Max nods. “Well, that will be..”

When I was 7 probably 8 years old, Lewis and I were walking around London; he was already in F1 and it was the summer break, near to our old house we found a big brown dog limping from one his legs, it took us 1 minute decided to help him, so I ran for bread in the nearest store. At the beginning he reluctantly smelled it but after we sat next to him, he approached us step by step.

Came late at night with a huge dog was the last thing our parents expected and after a long talk they agreed he would stay with us until he fully recovered. The next day the veterinarian told us he was an old dog probably 12 years old, his health was weak and the fracture in his leg doesn’t give him a long life expectancy, but could care less.

Moon, as we called him, spent the last 3 years of his life with us, waiting for me at the bus stop every time I came from school, making dad and mom company every second and trying to jump when Lewis came home. 

Sadly on a hot night of summer, Moon says goodbye to us sharing the last night of tea under the table. 

That week while I was crying in my room as Lewis hugged me, we made a promise, when I were older enough, we would try to help every homeless dog to at least have a safe place to live. 

As I finished Max was breathing slowly, head buried in his blanket, fully asleep now.

I observed him for a couple of seconds, his eyes closed, the tight grip on the blanket and his face red for too many drinks. 

“I’m going to miss you.” I chuckle, I leaned down for giving a small peck in his cheek. “Good night Max.”

I waited for my back ups in his living room. After 20 minutes Max's door opens one more time, Rupert, his personal trainer, enters quickly.

I think he finally breathed after I told him Max is peacefully sleeping in one piece. “I’ll take you home, we can leave him locked, making sure he doesn't make a bigger mess.” Nice offer but I need time to calm down, a little bit.

“No worries, I already called a cab, it’s ok, thank you anyway.” Rupert nods as he opens the door. 

“Y/N, thank you so much.” Rupert said, reliving that Max is safe at home.

“Am, Checo has plenty of good numbers which I can call.” I joke trying to rest importance to the moment and my confused feelings.

Lewis arrived early in the morning to his apartment, finding me asleep on the couch; we just had a quick breakfast and left right away. We want to enjoy all the moments we can, just for us.

“I can understand it, it just doesn't make so much sense for me.” He keeps complaining that most of the time I have a tendency to sleep on the couch. 

We’re waiting inside of his jet ready to leave. “Because it hasn’t, the couch could be really comfy sometimes.” Lewis raises his eyebrow. “What? Oh you’re so…” I fake a shiver that made him laugh. 

“All right, let’s have fun this week.” He pulls me, grabbing my head and carness my hair. “My little baby is already leaving me.”

I laugh but I softly kick his leg for he let me go laughing like a little kid.

By the end of the day of practice, the social accounts of Mercedes made sure people knew Lewis brought company, with a picture of me on my first GP. A little girl who is wearing big headphones on her head as Lewis is next to me explain something I couldn’t remember; now, the picture is me, similar headphones watching Lewis is on the track, the description is <Time goes by…>

Walking inside the hotel Lewis keeps watching the first photo on his phone. “Look at you, when you used to be so cute.” 

I roll my eyes, similar to all the comments friends and family have sent me along the day. “The <sexy> comments are still too much for me.”

Lewis put his phone in his pocket shaking his head. “I’m sorry, I’m sti…” My words stuck in my throat when I saw Max coming out of the lift. 

All these days, my routine practically consists of going to the garage then the hospitality, with more cameras on me that I expect making me feel shy avoiding all types of contact with people who haven't a Mercede shirt.

Max smiles when his eyes are found with mine, but a weird tension on his shoulders appears when Lewis says hello.

“Let’s go Max, we’re late.” One of the girls from the Red Bull PR team waits for him a few steps away from us.

Lewis softly makes me walk inside of the lift, unable to say something to him.

“Did a <race> incident happen?” I ask to try to see him right to his eyes, but I only see his profile.

“He called around 4 am on Saturday morning, he wanted to apologize for the mess he made. He knows he has to do it with you but doesn't have your phone number.” Oh shit. The jaw tense only increased my nerves. “I asked what mess, and he told me you take him home late at night, drunk.” 

He saw me, an uncomfortable expression on his face. “For the second time.” 

Max Verstappen why do you like to complicate things?

“Well, I…only help, that’s all.” My finger starts to grip my purse tighter. 

Lewis narrows his eyes and takes a deep breath. “What did you tell him?”

“What makes you think I told him something?” It's my turn to choke my head with a serious expression on my face. “Make sure it won’t happen again.” 

Covering my face was the only thing I could do. “That’s the only thing I said to him then, he said he likes you.”

The sensation of the elevator going slowly makes me feel dizzy. We have to be on the last floor.

“I know.” Lewis choked as his eyes turned wide open. “He already implied that.”

As the doors open Lewis makes a sign with his head for going to his room, the talk definitely doesn’t end. 

We talked for one hour… He let me talk. I told him about the first time we met until that Friday night. From time to time I feel an odd heat on my face and a peaceful sensation in my heart.

“That’s all.” I laid back on the chair feeling his eyes on me but he’s more relaxed now. 

“You li…” He tried to speak but I cut him right away. 

“NO! Don’t say it.” I stand walking to the big window. 

The lights of the streets and buildings always make me feel calm, a spark of light in the dark. “I have a ton of things on my head, it’s just… a new friend, a stubborn friend, that’s all. Let’s not confuse things.”

Lewis stood next to me, tingling my arm with his. “Better.” I bluff, making him smile. “Seriously, I appreciate him so much but, like mom said, he’s too sassy most of the time.”

I laughed and leaned my head on his shoulder. “Trust me Lew, next week I’ll be at home, keeping me busy with all the things I have to do, all will go back to normal.”

“I just want to protect you, I couldn’t do it last time.”

I know Lewis believes he could do something for me those days, the truth is, not even myself could prevent how the things went that day.

“This is what it feels like?” Lewis saw me raising his eyebrow as we walked to the garage for the race day. “Be observed under a microscope.” 

Lewis laughs head backwards, but for 3 days at least I have one camera so close to my face on the day.

“Stop right there!” Bottas reached us coming out of his garage, suit on. “You broke my heart, you told us you’ll be here until the end of the season.”

My sharp eyes go right to Lewis. “I thought they already knew.”

“They?” Checo came running from his garage winning exasperated eyes from his PR team. “Lewis Hamilton you’re so…”

Bottas grabs my hand about to give my brother a little punch on his chest. “We don’t use violence.” 

“Is it true?” Checo asked, putting one more time on his cap which was about to fall from his head. 

“I’m afraid it is.” Bottas hugs me, keeping Lewis safe from me.

Checo bluffs but he has an idea for the way he smiles. “We have to take drastic measures.”

It seems they already had this planned for the way they told me their idea so confidently. In a way to say goodbye after the race they already have reserved a nice restaurant for a goodbye dinner like they called.

“After all, I’m afraid we won’t see you soon, right?” Bottas asked with a funny expression on his face. 

I scoff but he’s right. “I’m afraid I don’t have a clue either.”

A great close; Lewis gets second place in a tight final lap. I spent all the time in the front line even in the ceremony where I couldn't avoid seeing Max who from time to time, took a look where I was smiling at him too. 

When all the fuss calmed down Lewis' team prepared a small cake for us, wishing success in our new project and like Rosa said. <Wishing we see you soon,> 

I know I should be prepared for this, still it’s hard to contain the tears, for months they gave me a refugee and more.

As night falls, there are just a few technicians, most of the team's withdrawal from the garage. I told Lewis before going to the dinner I need to talk with Max, hesitant he nods but insite if I need something call him right away.

Checo told me Max is probably still in his garage; he won although he doesn’t like the way his car feels along all the race.

I found him leaning back in his car breathing deep seeing it like he could scan with his eyes to find the problem. I approach him slowly, hating the way my steps echo on the floor warning him about my presence.

Max turned his head but didn’t make another move, in his eyes you see a mix of surprise and ease, like he’s been waiting for this still wasn’t prepared for it.

I stand next to him unable to say or make another move, like a layer of ice born between us .

“I thought you had an appointment for dinner.” Max is always straightforward.

I look at his car but it’s hard to find some words, not now he clearly knows something.

“I wanted to talk to you before you hear it, even though I’m late, right? I will say it right away.” I let all the air on my lungs come out. “This was my last Grand Prix.”

Max knuckles turn white while he’s still grabbing his car, his blue eyes one more time start to form a storm inside of it.

“Yeah, I heard…something about it.” He clears his throat, his voice is the most serious I’ve heard from him. “Why now?”

“The project is getting into a critical phase, traveling around the world it’s getting more complicated.” My words are heavier than I thought it would be. “This is the best for me.”

Max finally stands quickly making me feel vulnerable but not intimidated. “I wasn’t expecting this.” 

The moment his eyes found mine I saw more bewilderment than anger. “I thought I had more time.” 

Inside of me there is a fight I clearly wasn’t prepared for, I don’t want to hurt him but I won’t quit my decision.

“I didn't want to tell you because things were pretty “weird” and you have a race. I want you to hear it from me, not for a rumor.” Max nods when he turns to his left slightly. I see the way his jaw tense.

A dry laugh it’s the only thing I heard for a couple of seconds, a sign that still he couldn’t believe it. “So this is it.”

That’s not a question and not a statement.

I take a step, not a physical one. “I’m being honest, I’m glad we got to know each other.” Even if I’m smiling, a nostalgic feeling makes my heart squeeze.

Max put his hands at both sides of his waist, frustrated on every move of his body, in his eyes you can see him searching for the right words to say, until something clicks on his head. 

“I'm dying to ask you to stay but I won’t do it, but… if I ask you to come just one more couple of races, you will come?” 

I observed him, always surprised with his honesty. “Max, I… I’ll be busy, you know?”

The determination in his eyes it’s really annoying in a good way. “I know, I’m, oh my God Y/N why are you making this so hard?”

I giggle, getting my head low. “Max, let's be honest, I’m not the one who complicates things, you said and do weird things and I…”

“Because I’m trying to flirt with you!” Max has his fist tight, and chuckles about the odd situation around us. “Ok, I say it, you want me to repeat it, I’ll do it.”

I shake my head; he seems it’s about to scream. 

“Y/N…” I see around all the garage, unable to see or hear anything. “Now, can you please let me do this properly, you are taking away from me half of a year.” 

“Max…” He definitely won’t shut up.

“I'm flirting with you because I like you!” As soon as that word came from his mouth I walked closer covering it with one of my hands as the other one grabbed his arm, otherwise I would fall over him.

Any of us expect that because of the way his eyes open and his arm tighten, from that moment on, something will change, things won’t return to normal.

I close my eyes trying to calm down but… Have you seen the sea when it’s dark blue with the soft white line of the waves crashing against each other? 

I could see it right now on his eyes

[sillygoose067]

Charles’s Angel(s)

Ch.34

Charles Leclerc x Reader

Charles tells you that he had some plans to add to his vlog for his Youtube channel, and asks if you’d like to come with him and appear in some clips. You agree and he makes some calls to his team. 

The two of you end up walking around the streets of LA, stopping at street vendors and talking with locals. One man even recognizes him and starts talking about how much better Formula 1 was compared to NASCAR, which was the only form of racing most Americans kept up with. Charles manages to get that on video, and you smile as you watch his excited form interact with the man. You guys stop for some ice cream when your boyfriend starts talking about how one day, he’d like to have his own ice cream business. “Why?”, you ask curiously. “I’ve always loved ice cream since childhood, so why not?”, he shrugs. Fair enough. 

Charles meets some friends who invite him to play some basketball, and goodness gracious, that man either has no awareness about you and your feelings, or he simply doesn’t care– Because after the first two shots, he takes his shirt off and continues his attempt to score. “See, I am so good, I should just switch careers and do this”, he tells the camera and proceeds to miss the hoop. His attempts go on for the next hour, and you stand at the side, watching and trying your best to not lust after him. This was normal, for god’s sake. Any sane person would forego their shirt in this LA heat during a game of b-ball. When he finally gets one shot in, he collapses to the floor dramatically. 

“Ugh. I change my mind. This is too hard.” You giggle, and he turns his head toward you. “You think you can do better?”, he tries to get under your skin. 

You grab the ball, dribble a couple of times, and shoot, half-court. You make it. Charles sits up, eyes wide in shock. “H- How did you.. What?”

You just laugh and shake your head, dribbling and doing some tricks with the ball. “Babe, you forget that I’m from this country. I went to a public school here. One of the sports required in our physical education was basketball.” You roll your eyes dribble til you are full-court, and shoot. Surprise, surprise, you make the shot again. Charles plops back down with an exasperated sigh. 

“So you stood there watching me humiliate myself this entire time when you’re much better?”, he whines.

“I didn’t want to ruin your fun”, you shrug. 

…

Finally returning to the suite was like a godsend. How was it even possible to be this hot? The European weather had spoiled you. You change into some swimwear, ready to head to the indoor pool with Charles. He exits the bathroom, changed into his swim shorts, and when he catches sight of you, his eyes travel all over you. “Love, why have you been hiding this amazing body under those clothes all this time?”

You blush. “I wasn’t hiding it. I just look and feel fat in everything else.”

He scoffs. “I call bullshit. You are so beautiful, Sweetheart. I don’t see at all how you’re fat. I think you’re actually quite fit. You should wear things that make you feel beautiful more often.”

He kisses your temple while you soak in his words, head turned away to hide your misty eyes. Even in a one-piece swimsuit, nothing overly sexy, Charles Lelclerc thought you looked beautiful and not fat. 

…

You travel to Las Vegas for the Grand Prix there, cheering Charles on from the paddock (which was somewhat poetic because that was how the two of you met). He ends up coming in P3, and although he’s disappointed in his performance, he enjoys his place on the podium. 

Especially when you race up and embrace him tightly. “I’m so proud of you Charles!”

“Thanks love. But I know I could’ve done better… if it weren’t for the engines failing me last-minute, I could have made it to P2, at least.”

“Well, what’s done is done, and it’s best to not cry over spilled milk. Let’s just go celebrate your success tonight and think about how to improve your performance later, okay?”

He pecks you gently, pulling away with a smile stretching across his face and then leaning in to kiss you again, his fingers gently sliding down from the side of your face to the back of your neck. You pull away breathlessly. “You always know the right thing to say to me, don’t you?”, he whispers. You smile up at him cheekily with a dismissive shrug. 

Carlos and Rebecca are in the opposite corner of the garage, embracing as well, when the manager comes in and summons your boyfriend and his teammate to head to the press room. 

“Go. I’ll be sitting in the audience.”

…

That night, you go out to dinner with Carlos, Max, and Lando– kind of like a triple date, but with Lando 7th wheeling. The boys are fascinated to hear about what you do as a career and ask if you’re willing to show them the ropes sometime. “Of course! Although, I haven’t even been able to bring Charles to my studio yet, so maybe that will need to be put on hold for a bit.”

…

With the race over, you and Charles had some time on your hands, so as planned before, you travel up north to the Bay Area and stop by beaches with Carlos and Pierre, and some hidden gems that you knew of (because you’re from the place and your family traveled a lot).

After a tiring 48 hours of navigating the Californian traffic, you finally arrive at your childhood home. Ding dong, you ring the bell. 

The door opens and your sister peeks her head through the small gap. “Hi!”

“Didi (honorific for older sisters)! You’re here! With… With Charles Leclerc!”

“Hello…”, Charles greets your sister hesitantly. She beams at him. 

“Maaa! Didi’s here!”

After a great big welcome and some introductions, your mother settles you and Charles into your childhood bedroom. He walks around in awe. “I don’t know what I expected, but it certainly wasn’t this.”

“In a good way or a bad way?”, you ask nervously biting your lips. 

“Definitely in a good way. You never cease to amaze me, love.”

Lunch with your family is fulfilling and Charles learns many new things about his palate and Indian food– mostly that there’s no generic Indian cuisine, but there are so many different types, dishes, and flavors. “I think I’m in love. I’ll never have a different food again”, he says after having some daal (lentil soup), rice, and fish and potato fries. You laugh. 

“Charles, this is literally just some household staple food, it’s not even a delicacy.”

“If these are this good already, the delicacies must be heavenly.”

Your dad and Charles bond over sports and music, and by the time you need to leave at the end of the week, you have a feeling your family loves your boyfriend more than they love you.

[jasmyluv]

042. An end of another chapter with you

wc: 1075

Graduation.

A day most people either dread or dream of their whole high school life, you included.

A few weeks ago, you got called to the principal’s office for the first time, to everyone's surprise. It wasn’t long till a rumor of you doing something bad spread like wildfire. Were you expelled? Suspended? Caught doing who knows what?

Quite the opposite actually. You sit on the chair in front of the principal, nervously waiting for what he has to say.

“Ms. [Last name], I’m sorry if I excused you from your class, but I think you’re going to want to hear this.”

Huh?

“What is it, sir?” You ask eagerly. Is it what you think it is?

“I am proud to say that you, [Name] [Last name], is this batch’s valedictorian for Academic Year 2022 to 2023. Congratulations,” he says with a wide smile on his face.

Yes.

Finally, you achieved what you’ve been dreaming all your life, to hear your name with valedictorian is something that you have been waiting for. It is to this that the sleepless nights are worth it. You wanted to jump up and down and squeal, but you needed to keep your composure.

“I see! Thank you, sir! Now, if I may, I will need to go to class now,” You say hurriedly, standing up out of excitement.

“Well, alright. Please prepare your valedictorian speech for graduation. Congratulations again,” You smile at the words that came out of his mouth. You quickly speed-walked to class, entering it as if nothing happened.

Now, here you were, awaiting for your name to be called, your hands, shaking. You couldn’t explain how nervous you were, you forgot that you hated speaking in front of large crowds.

“Please welcome [Name] [Last name], your Academic Year 2022 to 2023 batch’s valedictorian,” the speaker called as everyone clapped and cheered. This was the moment you’ve been waiting for all your life. Holy shit, this is actually happening.

You walk to the podium, your speech in your hand and a mic in front of you.

“Hello everyone. Welcome to my batch’s graduation ceremony. I would first like to say that I am proud of each and every graduate here today. I can not express how I’m so happy to have been with every single one of you throughout my journey through high school. The only reason why I am here is because of the unrelenting support of my friends and family, I can not thank them enough. As they know, I’m not the best at speaking in front of large crowds, much less the parents and loved ones of many graduates. So, I will be using a trick that I learned from a show called “Young Sheldon”, to only deliver that speech to this one person.

To this person, I know you know who you are. You have taught me to be the best version of myself in the very short period of time that we have been together. You were there when I cried because there were times I couldn’t do it anymore. You were there when I was at my happiest. You were there when I was just there. We’ve competed with each other many times over grades, scores, and who can finish their research paper the fastest. But, I wouldn't trade it for even the most expensive diamond in the world. This person taught me to just be myself, to be happy. I know it’s such a silly phrase, cliché maybe. But, you taught me that to be happy is the best thing that you can do in this world full of unending consequences and the worst things you couldn’t even believe happens. You taught me to just be happy through it all because you can’t control fate, so you just let it happen.

To be happy is to be the best, your best, you said. Soon, if you just keep smiling and look at the better side of things, then you’ll be happier than you were before. Sure, you will cry, get angry, fear many things, but know that all of that is temporary. Soon, you will find that something that will make you smile. Soon, you will find that someone who you will giggle about just thinking about them. And, do not get me wrong, maybe it will take years until you find it, but when you will, you will be happier than you ever were before. So, if any one of my fellow graduates aren’t at your happiest right now, know that you will get through this feeling, know that you will feel better because I can’t even begin to think what every single one of us will be doing in the future. So, just as a very popular artist once said, as long as we are fortunate enough to be breathing, we will breathe in, breathe through, breathe deep, breathe out (Swift, 2022). Believe me, we will get through it. Thank you and have a good day,” as you walked to the place where the graduates were, behind the podium, everyone stood up and clapped, some of the graduates even teared up at your speech. You look at the person who you dedicated your speech to, Scaramouche, you smile as your heart flutters with excitement.

After the graduation, you met up with your friends, exchanging “congratulations” with each other.

“Oh my God, [Name]! That was the best best speech I have ever heard in my entire life! It almost made me cry!” Yoimiya exclaims as she hugs you.

“Haha! Thanks, Yoi,”

“[Name], I have a question,” Ayaka says.

“Go for it,”

“Who did you dedicate your speech to?” She asks, everyone looking at you as they await your response.

“Well-“

“[Nameee],” a male voice cuts you off, you immediately recognize who it is. You turn around and smile at the sight. Scaramouche with a bouquet of roses in his hands, covering himself with them.

“Speak of the devil. Kunii! How are you, my love? Did you cry at my speech?” You ask as he gives you the flowers. You friends finally know who your speech was about. So, they leave you two alone.

“Cocky of you to think I’d cry. I’m alright, congratulations [Name],” he says. He most certainly did cry. You hug him tight. “Thanks, Kuni, love you,” your words were muffled, but he still heard it, nonetheless. He hugs you back, returning the “I love you.”

- College -

previous :: MASTERLIST

Of all people… - scaramouche x fem!reader smau

SYNOPSIS When you, a student who finds her best friend admits the terrors of high school. A best friend who’ve you’d hated ever since he left. Of all people, why was he the one to make you swoon, a person you swore to hate?

Fun facts!

Albedo was the salutatorian

yes that's trade L

[Name]'s pfp is my dog :))

The speech is inspired by young sheldon HUJEWUHAHA

Tag list;

@yourstrulykore @sakiimeo @ttoshiiroz @lxry-chxn @stopandget-help @r0ttenhearts @h-8chi @thenightsflower @killuixz @linn-a-a @vodkistt @raideneiari @yuyan @layla240 @barbatosfavouritenun @plinkuro @taikabae @beriiov @ghostxrism @rifran @elakari @kairxse @belovedxiao @alwaysmentallyill @mellowknightcolorfarm @xingyunclouds @scooofyaei @nambii @scaraapologist @samyayaya @kunikuzushisbeloved @dee-zbignuts @kaekazuha04 @monochromaticelliot @erosdevil @wisteriarain @kaoyamamegami @dazaiswifenicole @phoenix-eclipses @vivinsoul @vuvulia @r4yyyyy @cinnamontimecrunch @whatamidoing89 @aludicpoet @cindywasneverhere @vvasant @st0pthatsgay @kxr0mi @divinechicha @sketcheeee @wonderful-worlds

A/n:

the long awaited last chapter!!!! kinda sad it's ending since I've been doing this series since november 2022. Thank you to everyone who supported this series, I hope you loved it as much as I loved making it!! Get ready for more fics and Call you mine to come <3

[stupd000]

My typed reaction of Vegas BA bc everyone’s asleep

I love the guy who checks us in

Oh um don’t call me pet

Ermmmmm

Okay don’t like it so far

aw shucks i missed you too boo

no i will not come closer

ew no go away

oh nvm ig we are

wait so are we the dog or is he

okay this is getting boring

can we fuck now

oh wait nvm this is hot

oh WE’RE the puppy

that’s um

okay

is he calling me special

no i’m not ready to play VEGA.

i have a feeling we’re not alone

or we are

idk

okay we got some vouyers

that’s erm

okay

don’t call me pet

weirdo

excitement? no honey i’m scared

yes fear

ok can we fuck now

damn he talks a lot

stop echoing

oh don’t call me pup

oh this is some like

kinky kinky shit

how big is Vega

just in general cuz i thought he was like

6,1 and scrawny

um no my breath is oxygen not yours

this is definitely um

yeah

correct circumstances?

wardrobe?? bitch what is this Narnia

DONT CALL ME A PUPPY THATS WEIRD

i’m kink shaming

I am not getting on all fours what the fuck

oh nvm ig we are

this is uncomfortable

TAIL????

this is some furry shit

UM ..!

NO I WILL NOT CRAWL

WHATTTTTT

ASS?

SLUT???

this would be hot if i wasn’t a fucking dog

don’t shush me bitch

are we still on all fours

that’s mad embarrassing

i am not yours

weirdo

I’d rather you not take care of me

this is very um

interesting!!

Do we have dignity

STOP CALLING ME PUPPY YOU FURRY

do we have any pride at all like oh my god

GRINDING???

Don’t slut shame me bitch

arching????????

oh my god.

CUM HUNGRY LITTLE BITCH????

if he says puppy one more time i’m killing myself

if he puts a fucking collar on me i’ll jump

stop

STOPPP

Dog tag is crazy

“property of vega” NO.

Stop vega this is not a joke

DO WE HAVE NO SENSE OF DIGNITY

OH MY GODDDD

PROUD??? I AM NOT PROUD

OWNER???

I’m jumping off a ledge

MY HOLE?? WHICH ONE I HAVE LIKE 3

Okay stop slut shaming me Vega

ROLL OVER???

i’m insanely uncomfortable

by the way guys i made chicken alfredo today

Anyway

i hate his fucking tone

don’t take that attitude w me bitch

DO NAWTTT CALL ME A WHORE EVER AGAIN.

oh wait he called me pretty nvm

this is insane

it’s 2:30 am i cannot handle this

okay so we archin

PUT WHAT IN

WHAT IS GOING IN

this is strange

CALLING UR DICK A TREAT IS WILDDD

oh my god no

stop.

A TAIL???

NO

NO NO NO NO

NO

NO

no wait cuz there was this one kid who wore a butt plug tail to school it was crazy bc a guy pulled it out

anyway

This is some furry shit

not that there’s anything wrong w that live ur truth

STRETCHING???

the plug is insane

stop

i’m actually sobbing this is NOT OKAY.

what position are they in im so confused

SHAKE WHAT ASS

UMMMMMMMMM

this is peculiar

Vega is a furry

i hate this

i hate this sm

I STILL HAVE 10 MINS LEFT

LORD SAVE ME

okay no need to take that tone Vega😒

bitch we can’t breathe wtf

no i wont whine around that tootsie roll u call a dick

AHHH THE NOISESSS

okay can u not choke me

don’t call me a slut you cunt

oh my god hurry up vega

ew

I don’t love anything about this

this is insane

NOT A PERSON????

RUDEEEEEEEE

okay adjective king

ew don’t call me that

i am not licking the floor sir

i am not licking your boot either

lick your own fucking boot

this is actually pissing me off he’s annoying

are we almost done

Do we have no sense of shame

like at all

second hand embarrassment

okay are we done

no? okay

ew don’t call ur self master

that’s not..

okay

um

the growling is insane

damn right i’m divine

ew don’t call the that

not the baby voice

stop this madness

what do you want from me WHAT DO U WANNTTTT

okay are we done

TWITCHING?????? INSANE.

That was horrible

[kiiwiigii]

The Letter

Felix x Fem!Reader

Summary: A very important letter that holds the fate of your writing career finally arrives, hopefully with good news.

Warnings:

Fluff!!

Word Count: 1k+

Requested?: Yes! I hope you enjoy it @twilightlover2007 and congratulations to you!!

Hello! I'd love to see Felix celebrating his mate becoming a published author.(happening to me within the next 2 months!) 3rd person please and thank you!

A/N: This was so much fine to write!

The letter shook in her hands. All the hard work she had put in over the last year, everything she had hoped and dreamed of could be right here in her hands. Y/N shivered with excitement, but her nervousness was getting the better of her.

"Darling." Felix rubbed his cool hands up and down her arms soothingly. "You have to open it sometime."

Y/N nodded, grabbed the letter opener from her desk, and went to open it before Felix's hand stopped her.

"Perhaps it is better if I do the actual opening bit. I would rather not have any blood spilled."

She looked up at him with a raised brow. "Babe, it's a letter opener. It's not all that sharp."

"Y/N. You have managed to cut yourself with a butterknife before. Pardon me, but a butterknife is duller than this letter opener."

Y/N swatted his hands away with a glare. "I need to do this myself, Felix. Besides, the butterknife thing was a freak accident."

"Freak accidents are supposed to be rare, darling." Felix grumbled but let her continue, eyeing her warily.

Y/N gave an indignant sniff before slipping the letter opener beneath the fold of the envelope, slicing it open with a quick jerk of her hand, as one would go about ripping off a band-aid. She took a deep breath before finally unfolding the little piece of paper that could, no, would change everything. Her eyes scanned the paper, her heart nearly beating out of her chest.

Felix watched her anxiously. The Volturi had connections, he could have easily pulled a few strings and she would have been published in a heartbeat. But Y/N had refused, nearly insulted that he had even suggested such a thing. She had felt so insulted that she hadn't talked to him for nearly a week. That week had been hell, and Felix had nearly ripped off Demetri's head when he started teasing.

He couldn't stand when Y/N wasn't talking to him. To the point where he had gone to Sulpicia and Athenodora in desperation after the fourth day. It had taken a lot of groveling to get back into Y/N's good graces. A LOT.

Y/N began to shake even harder as her eyes rushed back and forth over the page, her mouth turning up into a grin.

She turned around and practically tackled Felix with a happy shriek.

"It's an offer! They want to publish my book!!"

Felix felt relief flood through him, grabbing her by the waist and swinging her up and around in a happy spin. She laughed in delight.

"I think this calls for a celebration my love." Felix chuckled, pulling her into a hug, her feet still dangling off the ground as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He bent down to nuzzle into her own neck, placing a light kiss on her pulse point. "I am so proud of you, Y/N. I knew you could do it."

Y/N only grinned and hugged him tighter. After a moment he set her down and cupped her face, pulling her for a sweet, lingering kiss. Y/N let out a low moan causing him to chuckle once again.

"Not that kind of celebration, love. At least right now. Maybe later, if you are up for it." He winked at her as she pouted a bit. "Come, let's get you dressed. Heidi already has something laid out for you in your room."

Y/N's eyebrows shot up before squinting at him suspiciously. "Did you-"

"No!" Felix waved his hands back and forth frantically.

He didn't know if he could stand her ignoring him for another week. Well, he had his suspicions that it would be way longer than a week, but he did not want to test that theory.

He cupped her face again, pressing his forehead to hers.

"I just knew you could do it, so I had a little help preparing a celebration for you. Just the two of us."

She clasped one of her hands over his, leaning into it with a happy sigh. She really did love Felix. As terrifying as he appeared to everyone else, he was just a big teddy bear. His faith in her had her in tears and Felix began to panic again.

"Why are you crying? Why are you crying??"

"Relax, love. They are happy tears." She nuzzled into his hand. "Thank you."

Felix's eyebrows furrowed. "Thank you? For what?"

"Believing in me."

"I will always believe in you. Always. Come now, off you go. Get dressed and I will pick you up in thirty minutes, sound good?"

Y/N giggled and stole another quick kiss. "'Kay."

She took off, still giggling and clutching the letter in her hand. Felix grinned watching her go, his non-beating heart swelling up with love and pride. His girl was going to be a published author. Her dreams were finally coming true and he felt honored to be with her and watch it happen.

Y/N eyed the outfit on her bed as if it might bite her. It was rather… revealing. She wondered if she get away with a different outfit. Maybe Felix didn't know what it looked like. But Heidi did. Would she be willing to chance Heidi's wrath? She tapped her finger against her chin, seriously debating before deciding against it.

Besides, Felix would probably go mad staring at her tonight. She did enjoy torturing him a little now and again. She slipped on the black dress, liking the way it hugged her curves and the way her leg peaked out from the thigh-high slit. Normally she would have considered this fine, had it not been for the plunging neckline that ran down the valley between her breasts, stopping maybe an inch or two below.

Makeup? Done.

Dress? On.

Heels? A little too high, but nonetheless.

Purse? Where was her purse?

Y/N looked back on the bed. Heidi hadn't left a purse with the outfit? Maybe she didn't need one? But Y/N never went anywhere without a purse. Even if it was just a small clutch for the basic necessities. Frowning, she began to dig through her closet. She had a small silver clutch that would match somewhere.

"Looking for this?"

She let out a small shriek, turning around to see Felix holding out a small purse.

"Felix! I could have been naked!"

His eyes wandered up and down her body in an appraising manner, happy with what he was seeing if his smirk was anything to go by. Then he quirked an eyebrow at her.

"As if I have not seen you naked before, love?"

She could feel the fierce blush working itself up from her neck to her cheeks, but held her hand out for her purse, only to be given a box.

"Uhm, Felix?" She looked at him suspiciously. "This is a box."

"I am well aware. I have eyes you know."

Her blush intensified as his eyes traveled up and down her body appreciatively again, a smirk on his lips.

"Open it, love."

Hesitantly, Y/N opened the box, moving aside the tissue paper to reveal a beautiful leather purse. She had to blink back tears again for the second time that day. The purse was fashioned to look like a thick, old-fashioned book with the title of her own book embossed on the cover and spine in gold, along with her name.

"It's beautiful Felix. How- what would you have done had my manuscript been rejected?"

"I told you, I believe in you."

She grinned up at him, standing on the tips of her toes to try and reach his mouth. Even then she barely brushed his shoulders, so she pulled him down to her level by the collar of his shirt. The kiss was soft and sweet, both of them pouring all the love that they felt into it.

Reluctantly Felix pulled away, brushing his nose against hers.

"Put what you need in your purse. We must get going or we will be late."

"Late?"

"Surely you did not think that you would get all dressed up just to receive a purse, did you?"

Y/N proceeded to stash a few things in her new favorite purse, rubbing her thumbs lovingly over the supple leather as she went along.

"Where are we going?" She asked.

"To dinner."

"Dinner?" She perked up in excitement before frowning. "But I will be the only one eating."

"Y/N." Felix put his hands on her arms, thumbs circling over her smooth skin. "I have already taken care of everything, I promise."

Her shoulders relaxed again. "I swear if you have a random human to drain at the table-"

Felix let out a booming laugh and she grinned up at him.

"I would never be so crass, love." He adjusted the hair framing her face. "It does worry me, however, that you are so blasé about my drinking human blood."

Now it was Y/N's turn to raise a brow at him. "I will have to do it fairly soon here myself, so why pitch a fit over it? You are worth more to me than that."

"You never cease to surprise me."

Felix took her hand and led her out of her room. "Hold on to me, love."

He lifted her into his arms before zooming off into the maze that was the castle of Volterra. Y/N squeezed her eyes shut, stomach turning queasy with the walls and paintings blurring past. Finally, they came to a stop outside of a very familiar door that led to a rooftop patio. Felix had taken her here since the beginning when they were first really getting to know each other, although, with all of his missions and her writing, they barely had time to come here over the past year.

Felix sat her down with a grin and opened the door. Beyond, on the patio was a candlelit table set for two. It was a perfect way to celebrate.

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Faceless Fixation (Sal Fisher): Consonance of a Tragic Villain [20]

I swallow down the panic that sears the inside of my body, flames edging closer to the corner that once protected me-- or so I thought.

But I'm none the wiser. Just when I thought I was free of today's bullshit, more slapped itself onto my figurative plate. But I can handle this, definitely. I'm a strong, independent woman and my borderline insane, naive cousin is not going to ruin everything for me.

The only person allowed to tear me down is myself.

I take a breath-- a deep, shuddering breath as an ache builds in my chest for the umpteenth time today. I'm going to be okay. And besides, me and the man before me are close enough. He'll do what I say, no questions asked. Especially if I stress how important this is to me.

I nudge the door of my apartment shut, finally completely separating myself and my cousin from The Faces. I'm alone to speak my mind in the comfort of a familiar presence without worrying about the group of people who don't know that I'm hiding huge, relationship-altering secrets from them.

Seeing my cousin again after a couple years is refreshing. It's a good distraction from all the perturbance that ails me on this hellish day.

He looks so familiar and so different all at the same time. After ditching his parents just last year, it seems my dear cousin has been working on fixing himself up. He's wearing a navy blue NYU sweater, white collar peeking out of the top. Dark khaki pants to match the whole prospective college jock thing he has going on. His dark eyes seem a bit brighter, the mocha color lightened to a sunkissed gold that reflects the excitement in his wide smile. His once horribly dyed, mustard-colored hair is now a dirty blonde that suits him terrifically. I'm happy to see that he's taking care of himself. Working and going to a top-notch college has to be hard on him, but it looks like he's prevailing. I'm incredibly proud of him.

And dammit, he's grown since I last saw him too. Maybe Larry's height, actually. I have to tilt my head back to look up at him.

"Am I getting a hug after three years or fuckin' what?" He squeaks, eye twitching lightly to exemplify his impatience.

I narrow my eyes at him. Is he for real? "First, you address me as bitch. Then you vaguely threaten me. Don't I get a 'hi' after two years?" I counteract his reasoning with some of my own.

He pinches his lips together and puts his hands on his hips, switching his weight to his left foot. "C'mon. Every time I greet you, it's with 'bitch."

I chew on the inside of my cheek, gaze trailing over him again. He's not wrong. Even on phone calls, the first word out of his mouth is 'bitch.' "Fair enough," I settle on. "You get a hug after I tell you this, okay?" I tilt my head, showing that I mean business. That I'm serious. Because if he doesn't get this, everything I've built up could fall apart before I'm ready for it to.

His brows furrow in wariness and concern. "Okay..." he murmurs, voice trailing off as he waits for me to continue.

"You absolutely, under any circumstances, must not call me by my name. I am Vi to you from here on out. Once you enter this apartment, you call me nothing else but Vi." Monotonous, serious, and straight to the point is exactly how I portray these words. I watch as my cousin nods subtly the entire time I speak, his expression adopting a look that shows his sincerity as he listens.

"Got it. No questions about the sudden name change. You're Vi," he gives me a strong nod before shutting his eyes and grinning brightly.

"Good," I sigh. I shake my head to rid myself of the agonizing fear that has gripped me like a boa constrictor for a large part of the day. "Thanks, Trav. It really means the world."

Travis snorts, standing to an upright position. "Don't mention it. You've done a lot for me, bending to your will is the least I could do."

With a simple shrug in my direction, I take that as my cue to twist the doorknob, opening it so that no one is separated any longer.

But then Travis does his Travis thing and comes barreling toward me, his arms latching around my waist and smacking the both of us into the door. The hunk of wood flies open with our weight, slamming into the wall and damn, this time I don't think I'll get away with no damage.

I hiss, giving in and just allowing Travis to wrap me up in one of his big, aggressive bear hugs that he always greets me with without fail. I pat his back with a little smile as he flings me around like a doll, the bastard.

My eyes glance over to The Faces behind Travis. They are all wide eyed and silent. Every single one of them.

Heat envelops me. Travis lived in Nockfell for a while too. I'm sure they all know each other. Ash, at least, knows that Travis and I are related. I've told her about him many times. Maybe she just... didn't know I was referring to the Travis Phelps who used to live in Nockfell.

Travis finally sets me on my feet, a big, infectious grin on his face as he instinctively walks over to my kitchen. I hope he doesn't say anything bad... he clearly has not seen the rest of the people populating my small household yet.

"So what's with the mask? You into some kinky business?" Travis asks as I follow him into the kitchen, keen on watching where he travels to.

I sigh. "Trav, can we not? Come on, give me your bags." It's a wonder how he managed to keep hold of them while body slamming me through the door.

"What?" He scoffs, a little grin taking over his face. "I haven't seen you in years because you're a fucking recluse. I need to catch up on your life and if part of your life is being some kind of BDSM mistress, then I'd like to know."

I swallow thickly. I can't believe my friends have to watch this. I turn to look at Travis who's watching me over his shoulder. "Yea?" I ask humorlessly. "And what about you? It's been years and you still always have some kind of wound." It's true. His bottom lip is busted. "What the hell happened to you?"

He shrugs, narrowing his eyes at me in a playful way. "I've been boxing the last couple months. Really helps with the anger issues."

My lips part and I stare at him like he's stupid. It's like he's addicted to pain at this point. "Well," I decide to say. "I'll be cheering for you when you join WWE I guess."

"You better," Travis chirps, dropping to his haunches and grazing through my refrigerator like he owns the place. Which, he's family. He knows he's welcome to do or take whatever. Dad and I have never minded, especially given his upbringing. "You can root for me on the sidelines. I'll just be fucking hot buff guys behind the scenes. It's a win-win."

A song suddenly comes on, one by Bullet For My Valentine. It's a heavy hitter and Travis immediately flinches at the instrumentals. I guess someone managed to figure out how to turn on the speakers my dad spent a fortune on.

"Still listening to your nasty metal music, I see," he murmurs, grabbing a container of sliced strawberries. He pulls the top off and picks up a fruit, throwing it into his mouth before his eyes meet mine. "You still making it?"

I raise an eyebrow. "No," I tell him. "Ever since dad and I moved out here, I haven't had the space or the time to do so." And not being able to play my drums hurts, even the mention of it is painful.

I guess Travis can see the change in what little of my expression he can see with the mask, that or he already knows well enough. He frowns a little, wincing. "Sorry," he says gently. "I know you liked making music. Sucks that you can't now."

I offer him a little smile. Travis had his asshole phase years ago, but he's been so kind ever since he grew up. "Thanks," I respond, chewing on my bottom lip. "It's fine. I'll figure something out."

Travis winks at me then pushes himself into a standing position. He walks out of the kitchen and past me, heading toward The Faces who are sitting in my living room. Right in front of me.

"So do you still have that hot neighbor?" My cousin asks, stopping in front of me. He pulls a strawberry out of the container and holds it up to my face, raising his eyebrows.

"Why don't you go knock on his door and find out?" I murmur, crossing my arms over my chest as I watch my... dear cousin. He always hits me with a million and one questions but he must be majorly jet-lagged to still miss the four extra heads in the room.

"Mmm, maybe later," he murmurs, shoving a strawberry into my partially opened mouth. My brows furrow in shock, but I close my lips over the fruit anyway. "Remember my high school crush though? He's, like, super famous now."

I chew on the strawberry, nearly drowning over the sweet juice that coats my tongue. I push through the ocean in my mouth and answer him though, interested by this news. "Yea," I manage, swallowing a bit of the strawberry. "The one you bullied like the cunt you are? He's famous? Good for him."

Travis scoffs and rolls his eyes dramatically. "Take the 'c' word back, hoe." He sends me a mean glare then shuts his eyes. "But yes, he does deserve it. You know," one of his dark eyes pops open, narrowed in my direction. "I made out with him."

My stomach tightens in excitement. Travis told me he'd kissed some guy years ago and he was really happy about it, but I didn't know it was the crush.

"Really?" I push out, finally finishing off the fruit he'd forced upon me. "When was this?"

"Oh," Trav waves me off. "A while back. In high school. It's actually all thanks to you-- you told me if I didn't shape up, apologize to him, and confess that I would be alone forever and you would banish me from the family. What the hell else was I supposed to do? Of course I did what you said. It was so worth it." He gives me a roguish, exhilarated grin that says the night he shared with his crush will go down in his mental history book and stay there forever. "I owe you a cake, lovely," he continues

I smile, my cheeks warming at the prospect. I'm happy Travis had his time with his crush.

"We haven't talked in God knows how long though," Travis sighs, looking off behind me like he's reminiscing. "Which it's better that way." He chews the inside of his cheek contemplatively, thick brows bunching together softly. "I still think about Bluey every once in a while, though..."

Now it's my turn to narrow my eyes at him as Bluey claws its way through my mind. "I'm sorry," I choke out, "Bluey, like the dog show, or Bluey as in blue, like a Smurf?"

Travis turns his head to me quickly and I know I hit the mark. His eyes are wide as he says, "Perfect analogy. Blue as in a Smurf." A little impressed smile works its way onto his lips. "He may as well have been a Smurf actually. Short as hell, blue hair."

This time, my stomach tightens in a different way as my brain slaps me in the face. Trying to open my damn eyes because... I only know a select few people with blue hair. I only know one famous person who has blue hair.

My eyes snap over to Sal. And, my God, he looks like he's about to explode. His neck is painted a deep scarlet and he's nervously playing with his fingers. Azure eyes saucer-sized.

I sit on that one. I sit and really contemplate it while Travis goes on and on about, fuck, about how he tasted. And how his skin felt. And his voice. He goes on like the man he's talking about isn't in the room-- because he doesn't know he's in the room. He keeps talking like he doesn't know I nearly fucked the guy who gave him his first make out sesh.

"I'm going to throw up," I murmur to myself, but Travis catches the words and frowns at me.

"Girl, I have told you worse. You've heard my NSFW stories and this makes you fold? Very ableist of you." Travis tuts at me, disappointed after probably saying something about Sal that I don't know about, especially because the ableism accusation came out of nowhere.

"No," my voice quivers as I force the words out. I've committed the ultimate betrayal. I feel sick. It doesn't matter if I never knew that Sal and Travis had a moment, I nearly had sex with him. This is.... this is bad. Really bad.

"Are you okay?" Travis asks, suddenly concerned. He walks over, rubs my arm comfortingly but it doesn't make me feel any better.

I don't have to answer him because, thankfully, Larry has broken the barrier between us all and said what I had been thinking.

"Sal!?" He coughs out, the deep baritone of his voice making Travis flinch. "What the fuck! You swapped spit with the enemy!?"

I watch Travis spin on his heels and then he jumps like a startled cat would. I can practically see all of his body hairs stand on end.

Travis turns back to me, his face the epitome of shock and betrayal. "You bitch!" He squeaks out, glancing back at Sally. "You betrayer!"

How come I never made the connection before? I had this bullshit coming. This sketchy plan was bound to blow up in my face at some point. I knew Sal was a bad idea.

"I didn't know!" I splutter out, eyes flitting back and forth between my cousin and the bluenette. Sal looks alert— eyes wide and never blinking. He's struck silent, that sad excuse of an asshole.

"You weren't supposed to invite my first kiss over," Travis yells, voice cracking while gesturing his hand to Sally behind him. "I only told you about it— how did you find him?"

My stomach drops out of my ass. Everyone's silent as confirmation of what we all feared rings throughout my living room. The only person who has any kind of reaction is Sal who slaps his hands onto his prosthetic, leaning his head onto the back of the sofa.

It's quiet for a little while longer, bile searing the back of my throat. Travis still has wide eyes, his gaze directed at Sal and an embarrassed blush flushing his cheeks.

I watch as Ash blinks, her expression beginning to morph into something both predatory and unreadable. This entire day got so much worse, right when I thought it was over too.

Have I ever said that Todd is quite literally the best at reading rooms, and the best at being the best? I owe him a lot of credit because he saves mine and everyone else's asses, even if only for a moment, by saying, "Dark Autumn Complex released a new song a couple hours ago."

My head tilts, my focus suddenly zeroed in on my friend who watches us blankly, no emotion or real reaction to the silent standoff in my living room.

But no one else cares. Larry, Ash, and Sal are having a staring contest with Travis who look beyond overwhelmed.

Todd sighs. "Travis and Sal are old news. It's not something any of you should be surprised about. Plus they clearly have been over for ages. Take the information and cry about it in bed tonight if it ails you so." I stand corrected when Travis drops that load of reality on us. If anything, he seems a little agitated. How can he be so... nonchalant with the prospect of Travis and Sal floating around us like a melody? I'm, personally, petrified to the core.

Travis shrugs nervously beside me. "He's not wrong," he murmurs bashfully, sniffing to hide his awkwardness. "I made out with him once and that was it. Gay awakening?"

Larry snorts, his eyes squeezed shut and tears building at the corners. I can't quite tell if he's laughing or wailing.

I crack a little smile. Larry's comedic relief, whether his tears are positive or negative, and Todd's direct approach make the situation not as serious as it originally seemed. Sal is still sitting pin straight on my couch like a scarecrow hung up in a corn field. He couldn't be more displaced with this turn of events. I bet he's cursing me and my family in his head right now. If anyone dies, I know it's due to his vexation, at least.

Todd is nice enough to follow up on his first statement by snatching my TV remote from under Larry's ass and loading up Youtube. He doesn't even have to search, the new-- holy shit-- the new music video is the first in my recommended section.

DAC has never made a music video. Ever. And it's a new song in general, I'm about to combust. I never thought I'd see the day. And why the hell didn't I get a notification?

I briefly travel through my memories, picking out the moment I watched North playing his guitar on stage. His eyes, shadowed by his mask but looking straight at me. His hand shaking mine, cold leather beneath my skin.

It takes every fiber of my being to not smile over the thought of him. He was just so nice, and hot, and talented... I can't help myself.

Travis and I jump forward whenever Todd clicks on the video, flocking in front of my television to watch what's about to unfold. Travis has heard more than enough about this band to know that I love them, so his accompaniment is merely moral support. He knows damn well I'm about to fall apart so he'll be there to pick up my pieces.

"They're metal, right?" Trav tuts, tone dispassionate due to lowered expectations. He's such a metal hater. "Hot members though..." he tacks on, trailing off as the song opens up.

"They're mine," I proclaim, drowning in adoration for DAC. They're literally just standing with their instruments right now for the intro, no words no music. Just a blank slate. But I'm enraptured, eyes glued to the screen as I thrum with energy.

"Our castle was built in Spring; We longed for books and bricks. To fantasies we did cling, So our castle was made of sticks.

Of worn and cracked logs-- Papier-mâché, our key, Of fragile and brittle walls Our castle came to be."

I shiver over the string of lyrics invading and possessing my soul. Oh, how I obsess over North's voice and the sweet symphony of Dark Autumn Complex's instruments.

"You can't lay claim," Travis scoffs, elbow knocking into mine when North stops singing to play his guitar. "Suppose they're gay, huh? I get to fuck them and you don't." He pridefully tilts his head up, small grin playing on his lips as he continues, gaze drifting toward me. "And you better believe I wouldn't spare you a damn thought during doggy."

I damn near break my neck to glare over at my cousin. I can hear Ash wheezing behind me and Larry's suspiciously quiet-- my only guess is that he's laughing so hard that not even a single noise can be heard. Todd simply sighs.

"I guess it's a good thing the lead singer probably thinks I'm hot, then," I boldly state, even though I know it's a really long shot. I'm putting words into poor North's mouth and the fucker doesn't even speak. But, hey, all is fair in sex and war. Travis can suck it so long as 'it' is not North.

"You yearned for an out of reach jewel; Opulence, luxury, and solace. All this greed made you cruel, Made you break your promise.

You readied your match and flame-- Cursed our castle and thought it trash. Without warning the fire came And reduced our memories to ash.

My romance of choice is Death Where you don't reside. By silence I abide, And keep you-- I tried. Alone at last, I take my final breath."

The living room is dead silent as North sings again, his gloved hand wrapped around the microphone in front of him while East and South dominate the sound, taking over in place of the guitar for a moment.

Listening to cathartic music, so much emotion filling my entire being, is better than therapy ever proved to be. Good sound and touching lyrics are all I will ever need to heal. To feel less alone.

My thoughts turn to Sal who's watching the video, seemingly disinterested. He looks so calm regardless of Travis and my presence. I want to slap guilt into him. I want to make him hurt the way I did the night he hurt me.

"Delusions were a precious fairytale; Tender was the slow fester. Expectations in minute detail, But failure greeted the jester.

You placed me in the guillotine-- Bound, blind, and confined. My blood's your nicotine, So pull the lever, love, be kind.

I laid myself out for you to walk on So the castle sticks couldn't pierce your skin. I was the throne you sat upon From whence we became potent sin."

Larry interrupts my internal solace when the lyrics stop again. It seems to be a longer song-- I guess DAC took a chapter out of Avenged Sevenfold's book.

"I'm not the one who said it, but," Larry's mischievous chuckle sets off the danger alarms in my mind. Emo Buff Daddy likes to slap me with things I refuse to comprehend. "North totally has some kind of Joe Goldberg infatuation with you."

My mouth goes dry, my heart stammering with flutters and quick beats, like little fairies hammering away at my organ in an attempt to keep it together. He's joking. He has to be. But my tingling fingertips and empty lungs say otherwise-- they want this to be true. But then there's Sal, and somehow I'm concerned over the validity of Larry's statement. Why is Sal even a factor here? I'll never know.

I smile at Trav-- a smile that I really don't feel, but one that comes easy. "See?" I taunt. Travis scrunches up his nose in faux jealousy. "Thanks for the backup, Lar," I tell my friend with a little wink his way. I'm just going to assume he's trying to help me out with the spaced out, friendly family altercation happening between me and Travis.

"My romance of choice is Death Where you don't reside. By silence I abide, And keep you-- I tried. My essence in Macbeth.

Eat my thoughts; Drink my soul. Exchange silence that haunts For the the peace you stole.

I am a fiend, a monster, a disgrace-- All the things you crave. I am a lover, a believer, a warm embrace; All of which led me to my grave."

"No problem, Vi," Larry chirps during another break in the song. I blink, heart falling a bit. With the deep lyrics resonating within me like this, the knowledge that Larry was just trying to help me out is disappointing. As much as I want North's affections, it wouldn't work out. Wouldn't be right. I have to accept that-- it's not like I'll ever get a chance to talk to the guy again anyway.

"Just spreading the truth," Larry says in a sing-song voice. Just like that, my soul is alight yet again. Is he still fucking with me or is this for real? My only notice is when Ash smacks Larry in the back of the head, her lips pinched together and eyes piercing into his soul.

What in the hell is with those two?

"I rot in this cage of reminiscence, Watch our connection burn. Sob in the name of innocence And for what was lost I still yearn.

This was never self-love-- Hypocrisy residing in my longing. Of my naivety thereof, To my own soul I'm desperately calling.

My romance of choice is Death-- Where I don't exist, So my thoughts can't persist. Extinguish what demolition kissed; I sink into abysmal depths."

I don't know who wrote this song, but they're hurt as hell. And I relate. I feel like this song popped up at the perfect time. Dark Autumn Complex understands me like no other and I resonate so deeply that I feel like I've known each member all my life. There's this ridiculous, false connection between me and them that I wouldn't admit to a single person.

My lips part as I watch the video zoom in on all the members, slowly centering on North who harshly whispers,

"It was never an alias, Nothing spontaneous. This is the half of me I have always wanted to be."

He repeats the words over and over again, voice slowly fading out until the screen goes black. I feel like I'm in a trance, like North just hypnotized me and I willingly went with the entire bit.

Travis clicks his tongue disappointedly beside me, stealing my attention away from the song that I'm going to play on repeat later tonight.

"Damn you for always pulling the pretty people," he grumbles, turning to face me. "I take back your cake. You have the hot male lead, you owe me food now."

"I'm so glad you've accepted reality," I chirp, patting Travis on his broad shoulder.

This entire spiel is something I have to ignore. North isn't crushing on me, he isn't interested. He never will be. And I can live with that! I've shaken his hand and gotten to see him play live. Totally don't need his tongue in my mouth or anything.

I walk toward my kitchen pulling my phone out and opening up Twitter. I'll do exactly what I've done every single time DAC's put out new music.

"Everyone okay with eggs and bacon?" I murmur distractedly, uploading the link to the new song, Consonance of a Tragic Villain. I tweet the link then turn my head over my shoulder to look at my friends. Sal's head is trained down to his phone since the TV has been turned off, replaced with Breaking Benjamin, courtesy of Ash. Is he embarrassed or something? He can't even hang out with the people around him. Even Todd is standing up to go and converse with Travis.

"Just hurry up and cook, woman!" Larry exclaims, grinning at me with that handsome face of his. And the tattoos littering his toned arms. And the... yellow stain... on the front of his shirt. But it's fine, even the most beautiful people can't be perfect.

I narrow my eyes at him as I turn into my kitchen, feeling my phone vibrate in my hand. "Watch yourself, Lartholomew," I bite out, flicking off the metalhead. Larry has to be short for Lartholomew.

"Lartholomew?" He stumbles over the word. "Stupidest shit I've ever heard. You could've done so much better than Sal's middle name."

I was about to check my notifications, but my head snaps up before I can see. I nearly choke on air as my gaze falls onto Larry. "Sal's middle name is Lartholomew?" I ask, disbelief and amusement bubbling up in my body. I have to agree with Larry, that's fucking hilarious.

"No, no, it's Bartholomew!" Larry cackles, pointing a finger at me. "Isn't that hilarious?"

Sal sighs exasperatedly, throwing his head back. "I'm going to castrate you Larry," He grumbles, frustrated and on his last mental leg as he lunges toward Larry, throwing an arm out to slap. With Ash between them though, the altercation is broken up very quickly.

"Fuck. Off." Sal bites out at his step-brother who really gets a kick out of the scenario.

I turn my attention away from the brothers, taking out ingredients and utensils that I need to cook with. While the bacon is sizzling on the stove, I finally check on the notification on my phone.

It's from Twitter.

dacnorthxx: 🖤

My eyes go wide. The comment is under my tweet of their new song and I'm really going to fall apart right here. Does this mean he remembers me? Or is this mere coincidence? My thoughts are running rampant, tummy bubbling with excitement. I can't breathe, all the oxygen is trapped in my throat under lock and key.

I comment back, my thumbs moving a mile a minute as I gulp. My entire body is a carnival of pins and needles. I feel faint.

violetviolence: @ dacnorthxx OMG?????

Someone get me a diaper because I think I'm going to pee myself.

dacnorthxx: @ violetviolence OMG!!! my idol

Is this real life? Can't be. Nope. No way. I'm about to throw up and the bacon is burning-- oh shit, the bacon is burning.

I throw my phone onto the kitchen counter and quickly pull the food off the stove, setting each strip of bacon onto a separate plate so they don't burn even more.

"Food's done," I say as loud as I possibly can considering the heavy amount of excited stress I'm undergoing. My voice comes out trembling, so I cough to cover it up as best as I can.

Dark Autumn Complex is quickly becoming my favorite band, North most prevalent out of all the members. I swear I'm not delusional-- well, maybe.

I type out something in response to his comment.

violetviolence: @ dacnorthxx STOP UR JOKING

Then I tuck my phone into my pocket. I'm being crazy. He's just being kind and he might like my comment after this but that's it-- that's as far as the exchange will go. I'm not stupid, I'm not delusional, I'm not insane.

Each of my friends, including Travis, files into my kitchen, grabs a plate of food, and then walks back into my living room like a train of preschoolers. It's a little humorous until the straggler comes in, it's not hard to tell who that is at this point anymore either.

Sal grabs a plate of food, comes to a stop behind me. The counter that peers into my living room separates us from the rest of our friends and having this kind of partial privacy with him smoothes out the wrinkles in my brain. This is horrifying when throwing in the context of our last meeting into the situation.

My heart skips a beat upon noticing his presence beside me. I glance up at him, noting the way he peers down at me with lidded eyes. Speculating, curious, leering. There's something hidden there, something he's locked away in a little mental box.

But I'm mid-chew and staring over at him like a deer caught in headlights, so I couldn't care less about whatever the hell he's hiding.

He watches me a moment longer, then drops his plate onto the counter beside mine. My eye twitches in pure amazement and agitation as he moves to stand beside me, leaning his elbows on the surface of the counter. As soon as he's settled though, he turns his head forward to watch the rest of The Faces and Travis who are all, surprisingly, catching up rather than being awkward.

The unspoken question of why he's standing beside me never gets spoken, the unknown simply percolates in the energy we somehow seem to share. I can't explain how I simultaneously wake up and lose brain cells when he's near, but it's definitely something I can't deny.

I watch him, wait. He wouldn't stand here to bask in my presence, I'm not that naive. That still doesn't answer why he's here though.

That dagger tattoo of his is on display right before me, just inches away from my eyes. He's that close-- so close that I can pick out every point of the ink on his skin. The soft waves in his layered, cerulean hair. The piercings in his ears. The sharpness of his jawline, edges of scars peeking past his expressionless prosthetic. And I can smell him. Something good, something masculine, something so him.

"Your bacon's shit," he rasps in that infuriatingly pretty voice of his. He never looks at me.

My wary expression turns into a glare. See? What did I just say?

But before I can bitch him out, something cool gently brushes along the top of my bare thigh.

I flinch in surprise, gasping as I glance down to see what the hell touched me because that's not normal. I've never bumped into anything while standing here, and this is my prime eating spot.

And as I frantically turn my attention to assess my mental commotion, I notice Sal's hand near me, his index finger just a centimeter away from my skin. I swallow against the realization-- it was him. He touched me.

I look up at him, eyes narrowed in question. What is he getting at? What is this game he's playing? I don't want him to string me along just so he can say he doesn't want me anymore when he inevitably leaves LA again. When he leaves me again.

He tilts his head inconspicuously as if to ask if he can continue, and I stare at him. I don't move, hell, I don't even breathe. I don't know what I should do. Because I do want him to touch me, but I know I shouldn't let him. Both for myself, but also because of him and Travis. I really shouldn't.

And Sal looks like he's about to apologize, this regretful look enveloping his eyes-- a look that makes my chest ache because there's such strong emotion, so much guilt. Guilt that he doesn't need to feel regarding this because... because he always double checks. He always asks for consent. That's something I've never had to worry about with him.

And maybe it's just the hurt in his eyes, something I haven't seen before and something I don't want to see again, but I nod at him. I nod to tell him he's okay. He can touch me.

He blinks, the emotion that was building ever so slowly slipping away from his gaze in a flash. I feel like what I saw was a hoax, a hallucination. It leaves his cerulean gaze that quickly.

And I can't watch myself fall back into this again. I know I've made a mistake, but it's one that I can't find myself regretting. Whether I like it or not, I have this insatiable attachment to-- obsession with-- Sal.

I turn away from his eyes that bore into mine, gaze at my living room again and bite down on a piece of bacon. Wait for the inevitable, which happens the minute my eyes aren't on him anymore.

Cold fingers crawl across the back of my thigh that's closest to Sal. The feeling of his fingertips dancing across such sensitive skin, slow and purposeful. Meaningful in that frustrating way of his. Just fingertips up until he's gotten across enough skin to grip my flesh in his hand and squeeze.

We're in a bad position. We probably look so suspicious right now-- if anyone were to glance over here and see us, they would be wondering what the hell was going on. Because the two of us? Willingly standing beside each other and not bickering? Preposterous.

I don't look at him. He doesn't look at me. Just runs his hand over and squeezes the back of my thigh to his heart's content. But I see him out of the corner of my eye, my heart fluttering all the while as goosebumps rise all over my body. Just barely seeing the way his chest rises and falls calmly, his hair brushed aside to show off his tattooed neck, the feeling of his skin on mine.

I lick my dry lips, start drumming my fingers against the counter beside my plate because I can't take this.

Maybe Sal saw my nerves getting to me, whether he was able to hear my pounding heart, see the way I nearly started hyperventilating, or just from my hands unable to stay still. But his touch is gone instantly, very suddenly.

I swallow thickly, blinking at my friends. Larry... has Travis in a headlock. Things might be bad! But in the moment, that's not my concern. Sal's phantom touch still lingers on my skin, the delicate brush of his fingers along my thigh much like a whisper now, but still there. My brain is still living in the fresh memory of what happened thirty seconds ago.

He doesn't speak. Neither do I. There's nothing to say-- this was random, unprepared. So what the fuck has just transpired? Figment of my imagination? Is the psychotic breakdown happening? I've been awaiting its arrival.

I'm not quite sure what kind of reaction I'm having, especially when Sal slides his phone out of his pocket and starts scrolling like nothing just happen. An unwanted lump forms in my throat, my palms sweat. I feel used. Again. And I knew I would feel like this because Sal is Sal-- he's not kind, he isn't gentle. He just gets what he wants. I'm at fault too because I've fed into that behavior, reinforced it by giving him what he wants.

"Sal!--" Ash bellows. I snap my head up, eyes wide. Why is there yelling? "I swear, guys, he's a literary genius." Ash's eyes are alight with mirth and pride. She trusts Sal to back up her statement, but I don't think he's going to. Sal Fisher is anything but a literary genius-- he is not a book boy. A misogynistic, old ass man wrote his patriarchal Smurf ass. God, I can't stand him. But, here I am, standing...

"Recite Poe!" Ash yells again, gesturing to Sal with her hand like she's the Phantom of the Opera. That's quite an image.

Edgar Allan Poe is a recurring and foreboding theme in my chapter today. Literally, not breaking the fourth wall.

I side-eye Sal who has no reaction. He doesn't even look up to acknowledge Ash, simply cocks his head to the side with his eyes still glued to the phone, typing something out.

And then his voice. His stupid, stupid voice. Monotonous, uncaring. But the feeling-- the emotion-- embedded in his words makes me want to topple over. And he didn't even write them.

"For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side Of my darling--my darling--my life and my bride, In her sepulchre there by the sea-- In her tomb by the sounding sea."

That's what he says. Completely recites the last stanza of Annabel Lee by Edgar Allan Poe. The same poem that the poet used to capture the hearts of so many women at his public readings.

He's not Poe though. Sal is not Poe. And the raspy, unfeeling tone of his eclectic voice will not capture me. Not when he's been two migraines and a stroke. Never.

Is it wrong of me to appreciate the tender way he pronounced 'Annabel Lee?' His voice danced around her name as if it were a waltz, something precious and rich with his affection. And his voice grew with passion when mentioning the moon and stars, dying off into something gentle and warm once he repeated 'my darling.'

Envious isn't the word. Ravenous, on the other hand, is. In every word, in every recollection, in every universe.

I turn my head to him, chest hot with esurient rage because how dare he be so...

Sal turns his head to me, emptiness reflected in his cobalt gaze. A darkness so ever-present, one that never disappears. And I forget all the strife in my mind.

My phone buzzes in my back pocket, but I ignore it, holding eye contact with Sal while Ash's excited screams of praise fade into the background.

Before angry thoughts can filter into my head again, Sal turns away like he was never even looking at me in the first place. He grabs his plate, hair swaying slightly with his every movement, and he walks away. Meets with everyone gathered in my living room.

I chew the inside of my cheek, watching Sal come to a stop beside Travis and I loathe the way some kind of abhorrent, negative, spiteful feeling rips me in two. Those two men want nothing to do with each other and the last thing I need to be worried about is Sal to begin with. He's bad, awful, terrible.

I'm going to have to socialize soon before Travis starts batting me about being a recluse, but I need just a moment to push aside whatever ancient Transylvanian spell Sal casted over me with his recitation first. So, to distract myself, I pick up my phone to see what caused the buzz.

My jaw instinctively clenches shut, an uncomfortable chill crawling up my spine when seeing the discord notification followed by Sal's username.

I click on it.

SALLYFʌCɜ: i'm sorry. SALLYFʌCɜ:and you'll never hear it from me again, but you deserve it this time. the way i broke things off was insensitive, it was sudden with no warning. and i promised i'd fuck you. and i want to. if you don't want that anymore, perfectly understandable. figured i'd give you the offer instead of silently regretting what i did.

I blink at my phone screen, nauseating butterflies kicking and screaming inside my belly. Begging me and peer-pressuring me, telling me I better not skip out on this.

I won't skip out on it, but this is the last time. From what I've gathered in the short time I've known Sal is that he's careless and unkind. He'll attack you given whatever means necessary. And when he goes overboard, he apologizes with the assumption that everything will go back to normal and all is forgiven. I mean, kudos to him for even apologizing to begin with, but repetition makes all the sorry's meaningless.

I shut my eyes and let my head droop a bit. I shouldn't. I really, really shouldn't.

I swallow down the bile working its way up my throat and start typing.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: had i not been here today, would you have ever apologized and extended the offer?

My gaze travels upward until I'm looking at everyone again. Sal isn't involved in the conversation. In fact, he's on his phone. And I suddenly feel like I'm going to collapse again.

Remember the first time I met him? When I assumed he would be the type to avoid confrontation? Fuck me for being wrong because he's the one who brings confrontation.

My phone buzzes in my hand.

SALLYFʌCɜ: no. SALLYFʌCɜ: i'm taking these circumstances as a sign. i've been thinking about it

I run my palm over my forehead. He's being honest with me, I respect that. Maybe this is a sign then, like he said. He's been bugging me for weeks, picking at me and being aggressive. Maybe that was a result of how torn up he was over internal guilt? I'm not sure but I'm not one to turn away from something this obvious sitting right in front of me.

VIOLETVIOLENCE:okay. when are you leaving?

The reply is instant.

SALLYFʌCɜ:6am tmr. that problem's solved though. ash is going to invite you to come with us SALLYFʌCɜ:i would be pissed and angsty like usual at the idea, but if you accompany us, that just opens up more time and opportunities.

To go with them? Ash? Where the hell are we going?

My eyebrows scrunch together in both confusion and intrigue as I start typing back.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: how do you know ash is even going to invite me to go with you guys?

SALLYFʌCɜ:it's ash. use your fucking head.

It takes everything in me to bite down the snort that so desperately wants to be released. He's right. And my ignorance aggravated him. This is everything I've grown used to, everything I want.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: typical of you to assume. suppose she doesn't invite me, then we both lose out, prick.

I hear a soft, quiet, and distinctly Sal-sounding chuckle from a few feet in front of me. Damn him and damn the way a smile starts growing on my lips at the audacity, the familiarity, the chaos of it all.

SALLYFʌCɜ: i wouldn't have made the promise if i didn't intend on keeping it. watch what you say and give ash five minutes to remember that you're in the room. actually, give her brain a boost. SALLYFʌCɜ: come here.

No questions asked. I shut my phone off and slip it into my pocket, looking up to assess my surroundings.

Everyone is in a huddle. Wherever I surface, someone will move over to make room for me. Given that Sal and I were so close a couple minutes ago, I should probably stand away from him now. I'll just scoot in on the other side of Larry. That feels safe, he's standing beside Sal so it's a simple excuse too.

I walk over to everyone, my feet feel heavy like they're covered in 15 snuggly kittens each. I'm weighed down, reluctantly making my way over to them. My cheeks feel hot. I'm second guessing everything.

I don't like hiding from my friends, it makes me nervous and I feel terribly guilty. Like, if Sal and I are fucking around, they should know. But something about their group, about The Faces, says they do not date within the circle.

Date? What the hell am I talking about? I meant fuck.

I come to a stop right behind Sal and instinctually pinch my lips together. This was not the plan-- I meant to curve to someone else. But I got distracted by my own anxiety, which, this wouldn't be the first time. I just wish it wouldn't furl my plans like this.

Upon assessing the small group gathered in my living room though, I can tell that Sal would be the only one to allow me access into the circle. Ash is dramatically talking with Todd who seems zoned in and solely focused on the conversation, shockingly. Todd's not one to be very engaged in conversation often, so my guess is that they're talking about business or science. Given Ash's infatuation for the arts though, I'd bank on business as the topic.

On the other end of the small circle, Travis is grinning awkwardly at Larry who's deep into an explanation about Dragon Ball Z lore. Throwing up his hands, nodding his head vigorously, and leaning into Travis's personal space. They squashed beef rather quickly.

And Sal, he's just present. Not involved, simply there like he was when he walked over here.

He's also the only person expecting me.

He turns his head over his shoulder, glancing down at me with his emotionless but bright eyes. I gulp down the nervousness crawling inside me like poisoned bugs; it's hard though. Every time we make eye contact today, I feel stuck. It's almost unbearable. Did I miss him or something? Or-- oh, yuck. Do I have a crush on him?

I hate to even think it, but I find him attractive. That's the roots to the plant. Just because there's a sprout doesn't mean it has to grow into anything-- and I surely won't grow with this ass. Nope, major pass.

Meh, it's not a crush. He's just pretty and mean. I'm flustered is all. Who doesn't like a handsome man with an attitude?

Sal takes a step toward Larry, making a tiny little spot of space for me beside him. The move is so inconspicuous that it's impressive. It makes me wonder how many things he's tried to get away with in his lifetime, to be able to know what, how, and when to move so others don't notice his unfolding plans.

I start moving forward, eyes still on him. And his eyes are on mine too when Larry's elbow whacks him in the back of the head.

There's a hiss, a resounding pained yell, and a clatter. I simply blink, watching Sal grab onto the back of his head in pain and Larry with tears in his eyes, snuggling his elbow close to his chest.

There's something wrong. Something wrong with Sal's messier-than-it-was-moments-ago hair and the expression of unadulterated fear that strikes Larry's face. He looks as though he's stabbed Sal, betrayed his step brother in the worst way possible.

And Sal. Sal.

His eyebrows nearly match his hair. And they're furrowed, signaling the contempt in his soul. He tilts his head up, eyes glued to the floor before they flit up to me. I watch him with wide eyes, unable to fight off the shock plaguing me.

Half of Sal's face is emaciated, the other is almost completely untouched. It's a wonder to look at-- out of everything, I didn't expect to ever see his face. I didn't expect it to look like this either. His left cheek is sunken in, a scar running up the middle, the shape and placement reminding me of a Glasgow smile. His cheek bone is ragged, uneven with sharper points and parts that are sunken in, much like his jaw. And part of his nose is missing too, making the half that's still there more prominent with the way the scar healed. Other little scars litter the wounded side of his face-- plenty through his eyebrows, over his lips.

And the scars on his lips stretch up to the middle of his cheek, his chin, all in various place. A lightening strike permanently etched onto his face. A beautiful work of art that he lives with every single day.

The other half of his face, the one that seems nearly untouched, gives me a glimpse of what he'd look like had he never been scarred. Little, light freckles are splattered across his nose and the apple of his cheek. His lips are full, pink, soft-looking aside from the cracks here and there-- undoubtedly a result of constant biting. Sharp jawline, like I'd assumed.

He turns away from me, his expression slackened a bit. Then he starts yelling at Larry and I have to process the unfortunate truth that I couldn't look at him longer.

Maybe it's a crush now.

I take a breath as Ash suddenly flinches in my peripheral vision upon noticing Sal's bare face. In the meantime, I lean down and brush my fingers over his prosthetic that landed on the floor. It feels surreal to touch something that is so impactful in mine and Sal's life. I find myself hating it a bit because, as much as I loathe admitting it, Sal is pretty. I knew he would be. And the added confirmation sucks me into a dissociative state. I don't feel real, this is just some immaculately designed psychological horror and I'm the spectator, watching as everything falls apart. Forgetting that I'm a main character, falling apart with everyone else.

I swallow the internal panic and revelations and close my fingers over his prosthetic, lifting it into my subtly shaking hands. I need a nap and an edible or something.

I stare down at it for a moment, hesitating to look up when the yelling pauses for a moment.

When I do lift my gaze, Sal has turned back to me, his lips pressed into a thin line and brows still furrowed. And this time, it's not impenetrable and never-ending anger in his sapphire eyes. It's fear. Disgust. Regret. A lot of negativity and I think it's directed toward himself.

I pull my bottom lip into my mouth, chewing on it incessantly in an attempt to stomp down the immense number of emotions suddenly awakened within me. I'm feeling way too much. Feeling blissful over his beauty, but broken over his reaction to himself. I can't imagine how long he's gone feeling so disgusted about himself-- I can't say anything to make him feel better because it wouldn't matter. My view of him doesn't come close to comparing to his view of himself. I can see it in his eyes.

My hands move toward him, silently offering the prosthetic back. Sal's gaze drops down, seeing his lifeline in my hands and his nostrils flare like he's on his last leg before he absolutely breaks. I know that feeling.

His hand clasps onto the mask, not gently but not aggressively. Just grabs it like I'm a completely normal person and not someone he both despises and craves.

His fingertips brush over the back of my hand, and he's suddenly ripping the prosthetic away like I've murdered his pet in cold blood.

I watch in dissociative shock as he turns back to Larry, prosthetic still in his hand.

"Sal, man, I'm really sorry," Larry rasps out, that terror and worry still on his face. He's not scared of Sal, just scared for him. "I didn't mean to."

Sal doesn't utter a word. He lifts the prosthetic and smacks Larry upside the head with it. A resounding, hollow thunk echoes through the room as Larry yelps in pain. My eyes widen a little more and Travis breaks out into cackling laughter, slapping a hand over his mouth to unsuccessfully hide his reaction.

And Sal doesn't react to the abuse of his brother, just walks over to my couch and situates his prosthetic onto his face again.

I can't get the image of him out of my head. His doe eyes and exotic face tattooed into my temporal lobe for life. My eyes follow him, watch as he opens up his phone again to escape reality. Clearly, the device is a crutch for him. It's a getaway from present events.

A nudge on my waist makes me slowly peel my gaze away from Sal, who I seem to be viewing in a new light. I've gone through fresh hell today, this was the bittersweet cherry on top.

I switch my focus to Ash, who's now standing beside me and, I would guess, the person who nudged me. She gives me a hesitant, rueful smile.

"We're going back to Nockfell tomorrow," she says softly, hand lifting to graze over my cheek affectionately. Her crimson nails clash with the ethereal color of her foresty eyes, but it works. They clash wonderfully. "Do you want to come with us? Reminisce a bit?"

"Why did you guys come, by the way?" I ask in a small voice, eyes flitting between hers curiously. I'm still in a state of shock too, so her comfort is appreciated.

Ash's features change, an excited grin slowly building on her lips. She's holding back something big. "We found an apartment a few buildings down. I've been researching for a while, trying to find a place near you ever since we built up the money to move."

My expression falls. They're moving? Here?

My very essence is filled with immense joy, contentment, and happiness. I don't know how to correctly portray how wonderful it feels to know that Ash is going to be near me every single day again. I can walk to her now, I don't have to fly. I can hug her, I don't have to watch her through a phone screen.

I blink at Ash as she swipes her thumb under my eye, grabbing onto my cheeks and pulling me foreward until our foreheads touch. It takes me a moment to realize that where her finger rubbed over my skin left a wet residue.

And so begins the break down.

I swallow the lump in my throat, trying to gather myself and to stop the tears before I start full on sobbing in my best friend's arms.

"So will you come? To Nockfell?" She asks softly, tilting her head to kiss the tip of my mask's nose. "If I tell you we need help packing, will that be an an acceptable excuse?"

I sniffle, unable to stop myself as I nod my head vigorously. I can't find the right words or think the right thoughts to use my voice to answer her. I can't even quite understand my own emotions.

Ash nods against me, an elated smile building on her lips.

"And so the prodigal daughter returns to her hometown."

~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N::::: NORTH FANS RAISE YOUR FUCKIN HANDSSSSSS!!!!!!

okay soooo yayyyy!! after twenty chapters we finally have half a face reveal *cue really shitty white girl dancing* my babies in the comments have been asking for a y/n face reveal but, hehe, you know i'm a little shit >.<

anywayyssss, sorry this chap is a little late! i left a comment to someone saying i would post yesterday LMAO but it's here now and i hope you guys like it <3 please, feel free to leave some constructive criticism because i would like to publish a book someday and can't do that if i don't make progress and improve!!!

task for everyone: TELL ME SOMETHING I CAN IMPROVE IN MY WRITING!! and be nice please or you'll break my heart :3

as always, sending you guys all my love! have a wonderful morning/day/evening/night and remember to eat well, drink water, and go out in the sun for a bit! FUCK VITAMIN D DEFECENCIES!!

[kybercrystals94]

When Fears Are Faced

By KyberCrystals94

Read here on Ao3!

Bad Things Happen Bingo | Prompt: Facing their phobia

Rating: G

Words: 721

Summary: Hunter faces his greatest fear… [[this story might make more sense if you’ve read Where Fears Are Born (by me!) & Phobia (by @just-here-with-my-thoughts) first!]]

(This story takes place mid season 1)

TW: Arachnophobia (you might wanna skip this little story if you have issues with spiders…)

It isn’t fair.

None of this is fair.

Tech is the one who suggested swim lessons in the first place, so, really, he should be the one standing here compromising. That would be fair. That would be reasonable. But instead, somehow, someway, Tech is standing a dozen meters away and half a step behind Wrecker’s bulking, trembling form. At least the cowards have the decency to look sympathetic.

“Are you sure this is safe?” Hunter asks, forcing a gruffness into his voice to hide the way it wants to pitch an octave.

“Yes, Hunter, it’s perfectly harmless,” Echo says. Hunter isn’t looking at the cyborg’s face, but he can practically hear the eye roll.

“It’s true,” Tech calls from his safe distance, “I double checked the data myself.”

Shut up, Tech, Hunter wants to retort, but he bites his tongue. You’re doing this for the kid. If she can handle it…you can handle it.

“And look how cute it is!” Omega croons, holding her cupped hands up for Hunter’s horrified inspection, “It’s fuzzy!” Hunter does not look at it, averting his eyes. Omega pulls her hands back, and gently strokes the demon with her pinky. “Do you think it likes this, Echo? Me petting it?”

“Arachnids do not register affectionate gestures in the same way that traditionally domesticated creatures do,” Tech offers, voice carrying on the gentle breeze that has picked up.

Hunter grits his teeth. “If you know so much about them, why don’t you come over here and do this?” he asks.

“That was not the agreement.”

Omega smiles up at Hunter with the sweetest, most affectionate show of teeth he’s ever seen. “I promise it won’t hurt you,” she says.

Hunter wants to crawl out of his skin. He wants to call this whole thing off. He wants to knock Tech and Wrecker’s heads together for getting him into this mess. Instead, he tries so hard to smile back at his little sister. “Okay,” he says, “if I hold the spider—”

“—for thirty seconds—” Echo puts in quickly.

Hunter shoots him a look but turns his focus back to Omega. “If I hold the spider for thirty seconds,” he emphasizes for Echo’s benefit, “then you’ll let us teach you how to swim, right?”

Omega nods eagerly. “If you face your fear, I’ll face mine!” She bounces on her toes, so excited.

This isn’t fair!

Hunter wrings his hands together nervously. This is one of the worst moments of my life.

“Are you ready?” Omega asks.

No! Hunter holds out his hand. “As I’ll ever be.”

Wrecker and Tech lean in from their safe distance.

Omega drops the spider in Hunter’s hand.

Hunter can’t ever hope to try and deny the pathetic creak of his voice when the eight-legged monster scrambles confusedly across his palm. It finally settles near the base of his fingers, perching with its legs drawn up. He might as well be holding literal flame.

“Awww,” Omega lilts joyfully, “it likes you, Hunter!”

“How much longer?” he asks Echo.

Echo is watching his chrono. “It’s only been five seconds.”

“No it hasn’t!” Hunter protests.

“Now ten.”

Hunter’s muscles feel taut as Omega’s bow string. He might be shaking a little, but he isn’t sure if he actually is, or if it’s just his vision going a little foggy.

“You are doing so good, Hunter!” Omega says encouragingly, touching his arm. “I am so proud of you!”

This is kriffing humiliating. A little kid is telling a full-grown man that she’s proud of him for holding a karking bug!

“Twenty seconds.”

“You’re over halfway there, Hunter! Just a few more seconds.”

“Five, four, three, two, one…Done!”

Omega snatches the spider out of Hunter’s hand before he can hurl it across the meadow (and maybe directly in Tech and Wrecker’s direction). “You did it!”

Hunter has to lock his knees to keep himself upright. He can feel the cool beading of sweat across his brow. He wipes his hand harshly against his pant leg, trying to get the feeling of spider legs off his skin.

Omega trots over to a nearby tree and lets the spider crawl off her hand and onto the bark. She watches it until it climbs out of her reach before she skips back to Hunter. “I’m ready for my swim lesson!”

END

I dedicate this story to @just-here-with-my-thoughts! Thanks for the fun idea…I hope it lives up to your expectations 😂

Tag List: @isthereanechoinhere96 @followthepurrgil @amorfista @mooncommlink @arctrooper69

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[beverly-williams]

“That inner dialogue proves to us, 'You're not capable of change. You are weak. You're staying stuck.' And when you break that cycle, the empowerment that comes out of it, that says, 'I'm not weak, I'm actually strong, I've proven to myself that I am capable of change,' and I believe people are capable of big changes." - Drew Barrymore

September 26th, 2023

“You’re so handsome,” Beverly mused, her delicate hand cupping her younger brother’s cheek while she admired his face.

Matthew rolled his eyes though his cheeks burned a soft shade of crimson. “Yeah, yeah,” he said in reply, brushing off her compliment though Bev ignored it. All she could do was stare at the face of the person she loved most.

The transformation in itself was unbelievable. The color and fullness of his cheeks returned while the dark circles around his eyes had faded. With clean teeth and breath smelling of mint, Matthew now smiled often. It was a drastic change, one that Bev couldn’t help but be in awe of.

“I’m so proud of you,” Beverly commented, pulling her brother into a tight hug. Matthew chuckled, hugging her back for a short moment before informing her that she was squeezing him too tightly.

“Oh! Sorry,” Bev said with a light laugh, her smile reaching her eyes when she released him. “Please sit. Let’s eat, yeah?”

Matt flashed her a smile and nodded, taking his seat opposite of her. The conversation through lunch was light and happy. In the moments of silence, Bev reflected on her brother’s progress through the last several months. This had been the longest he had been clean. He was holding a job down responsibly and working hard to get back on track.

“See? My credit score is almost to 600. That’s good, right?” asked Matt, showing Bev his phone so she could see his credit score. 594. She smiled widely.

“That’s amazing,” she replied, handing him back his phone.

Matthew set it down on the table and grinned. “Yeah, it’s free each month with my bank account. I have one now. Last month, I finished paying off everything I had in collections so I think next month, my credit score will be even higher,” he explained, the excitement evident in his voice.

Beverly was thrilled. He had goals and he was crushing them.

“The next thing is to move to a better part of the city once I’ve saved up enough and my credit score is high enough to get a better renter to approve my application,” Matthew added, taking a drink of his water after.

Beverly sighed, reaching for his free hand. “I told you before, you can move in with me or I can help you get a place. Let me help, please?” she asked, her eyes meeting his.

Matthew shook his head. “No, Bevy. Not this time. You always did before and I always…I always fucked you over. I gotta do this on my own this time. I’ll be fine,” he said, turning his head to give hers a squeeze.

“Speaking of. I have something for you,” he said, patting his chest pockets and frowning until he found what he was looking for in his pants pocket. He pulled out a piece of paper and slid it to her.

Beverly took the paper in her hands and looked at it. It was a check for a thousand dollars written out to her. Her eyes widened then turned to confusion when she looked at him. “What’s this for?” she asked, attempting to give him back the check.

“To pay you back for everything…that you know, I damaged or….stole,” he explained, coughing to clear his throat and pressing the check back into her hand. His gaze darted elsewhere for a short moment before returning to meet hers. “I know it’s just a drop in the bucket but this is just the start. I will pay it all back. I promise, Bevy.”

Beverly’s mouth opened but no words were spoken. She was utterly speechless, staring at her brother with a surprised expression because she could not believe what he was saying. He was paying her back. It took her a short moment to shake her head no, slipping back the check across the table.

“I love you for this, I do. You have no idea what this means to me but Matty, I can’t accept it. I want you to keep it for yourself for now. One day, when giving away this money won’t devastate you, then I want you to donate it to the places that kept you warm, fed, and safe. The places that helped you when you didn’t let me be there for you. The places that kept you alive so that they can continue to provide the same services to someone else who needs it. Okay?” she asked, placing her hand on his with eyes full of tears that had yet to fall.

Matthew looked into the tearful gaze of his sister and nodded, holding onto her hand. “Okay, Bev. I will.”

“Thank you,” Bev said, taking her napkin to dab her tears away. “Alright, let’s get out of here and get an ice cream. I’m craving cookies n’ cream in a waffle cone. You can buy,” she teased, standing from her seat as her brother did.

Matthew laughed, a large grin plastered onto his face. “Deal.”

All throughout the rest of the afternoon, Beverly was smiling. For once, she felt as though everything were right in the world.

[charmedreincarnation]

I haven’t really had too much more, but I was trying to shift one night and I was listening to a thunderstorm and fireplace subliminal and every time the thunder crackled I could actually feel it shaking me even though there wasn’t any thunder in this reality!! That was super amazing, and I’m getting really, really close, and I think by treating myself extra today I’ll be able to push myself over that edge.

I keep feeling myself getting so close and then that anxiety hits in, like I’m scared of the actual shifting process, but I want it so bad. My life in this reality is going absolutely amazing too now! I have a girlfriend, I won’t have ANY student debt for college, found the perfect college for me, and even got a work from home job that pays 550 USD a week! And my parents finally got my cat fixed even!!

Ever since I started really trying and following this blog, it feels like barrier after barrier is leaving. And it makes me feel like I haven’t just abandoned this reality to be screwed over. It’s actually going good. I even made friends!! So I feel like, for the first time since I discovered shifting, that it’s really okay if I don’t shift, because I’m so happy now. But I still want to shift (I’m going to The Dragon Prince for Soren <3 and a DR where I’m an insanely successful writer for my book), and that makes me so excited, because I know it’s so close.

So to finish this: a lot happened since I last updated, but it’s all good things! I’m so, so happy, and I really want to thank you for that, because finding you really just gave that little push <3

This reminds me so much of my journey. I am beyond proud of you. You deserve all of this, everything and more <3! Have fun

[witchersmistress]

Run Harper Run

Hello my darlings and welcome to another part of my rainstorm and hate sex series, ill have a better name for it one day lol its love/hate relationship with this series.

Trigger warning: Foul language, Violence, crulelty, and cold heartness

Word Count: 3k

Only now do I realize how dangerous that is. I thought I was keeping myself safe, not caring about anyone, not relying on anyone. But now, when I need protection, I’m alone. I’m the prey straying from the herd, and the predators are circling. I’m not just a lone gazelle being eyed by a lion, either. I’m a lone gazelle about to step on a boa constrictor while being circled by a pride of lions, a pack of hyenas, a leopard, and a cheetah. I’m not being paranoid. And I’m not scared. I’m fucking petrified.

The evening before work starts back, I hear a knock at the door. My heart lurches into my throat, and my pulse starts racing. I think about not answering, but the knock comes again, hard and demanding. If I don’t answer, he’ll kick down the door. I grab my knife and shove it into my combat boot before opening the door. Duke is standing on the stoop. I just about jumped out of my skin. “Hey, Harper,” he says, a flirty grin on his face. “Wanna go for a ride?” He smells like beer and looks like the shadow of my betrayal. I cross my arms and don’t move from the door. “Not even a little.” “Fine,” he says, shaking his head. “I was trying to make this fun. But we need you to go make a police report. Of course some jackass called the cops about the Rover the other day. They want any witnesses to make a statement.” “You don’t say. Someone actually called the cops about a car bomb?”

 “A shitty one,” he says. “It only blew up the engine. You weren’t even hurt.” “You sound disappointed.” He frowns. “Why would you say that? August could have been killed.” “So, did you kidnap Magnolia? Or let her get comfortable and let down her guard before you make a move?” “Now you’re catching on,” he says, like he’s proud that I know their scheming minds so well. “We don’t just run back and forth throwing grenades at each other. There’s finesse to these things. We’re not savages.” “You sure about that?” “Can we flirt in the car?” he asks. “August’s ready to get this over with.” My heart stops. August. Of course he’s here. Did I expect him to avoid me after the breakup like a little bitch? August doesn’t avoid anything painful. He’s even more masochistic than I am. “I’m sure the cops have enough statements already,” I say. “Just tell them I wasn’t hurt, and I don’t know anything about it. I have casework, so…” I start to close the door but Duke leans into the doorway, blocking it from closing. “It’s the last night of break, and your bag’s still at our house,” he says, narrowing his eyes. “I know you’re not doing casework” “Fine,” I say, rolling my eyes. “I’m cleaning the house.” “Harper,” he says, cracking a smile. “What a cute little excuse.”

He tries to see past me, but I step in front of him. I’m lying through my teeth. I just don’t want to be with them, not just because I’m not exactly excited to be in a car with August, but because I don’t know when Mr. D will act. “Seriously, you’re being weird,” Duke says. “What’s the big deal? You can give the cops your statement and get your bag. You’re going to have to see August at work tomorrow anyway.” “Okay,” I say grudgingly. If I keep making excuses, he’s going to get suspicious. Obviously Mr. D hasn’t exposed them yet, or I’d know about it. And if I act weird now, when it comes out, they might think back to this moment and start wondering. The safest thing to do is to act like I’m just being a bitch about the breakup. “You know I won’t take no for an answer, anyway,” Duke says, wiggling his brows. “But you can make a scene if you want me to carry you out over your shoulder. That might be kinda hot. Might even make August jealous. What do you think?” “I have no interest in making August jealous.” I follow him to his Hummer, my heart pounding. I don’t even have to fake this part. I really am the pussy who doesn’t want to face August. He doesn’t know what I did, but I know. While Duke circles around to hop up into the passenger seat as usual, I climb into the back of the Hummer with Baron, but my eyes stay on August. “Hey,” I say, trying to break the painful awkwardness. He doesn’t turn or even acknowledge me. We take off, and the doors lock automatically, and immediately I get a weird feeling.

I’m sure it’s my fault, but I’m still on alert, sitting on the edge of my seat and debating whether to bolt at the first stop sign, though that would definitely cue them into something going on. We turn onto the road downtown that leads to the police station, and I start to relax. I’ve been here enough to know I’m more or less safe inside. But when we reach the lot, August presses down on the gas, and we roar past the station. I grab for the door handle, panic slamming into my chest. “Where are we going?” I ask, yanking on the handle. He put on the fucking child-safe locks.

My heart drums against my ribs. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. “We’re just taking a little road trip,” Duke says, turning around to grin at me. “Everybody likes a road trip, don’t they, Harper?” I swallow hard, trying not to absolutely lose my shit. August runs through an intersection without even looking. A truck barrels straight toward us. I almost screamed. The driver blares the horn, slamming on the brakes as the grill looms huge outside my window. We streak past at the last second while they skid out of their lane and into a ditch. August doesn’t look. “You said we were going to talk to the cops,” I say, because I don’t know what to say, what to do, except stall. “Yeah, see, we already did that,” Baron says, reaching behind the seat and dragging my bag up. He drops it into my lap, but I don’t even notice the heavy books bruising my thighs.

The bag topples onto the floorboards. I consider reaching for my knife, but the odds of making it out of the car aren’t great if I cut one of them. August will run us into the river and drown us all on purpose. It would be smarter to wait until they stop and then cut and run. Baron pulls my phone out of his pocket, his thumb stroking the screen. “I was going to give this back, but I might just keep it for a while. It has so much interesting information on it.” I can’t breathe. I can’t swallow. I can’t even think.

But no. He’s fucking with me. It has a password. And he’s a master hacker. I’m so lightheaded I think I’ll pass right the fuck out. “Give me my phone,” I say, my lips stiff. Baron shrugs and hands it over like it’s nothing. I grip it until my fingers ache, wondering how I could find out what he saw, and whether he’d kill me if I tried to call the cops right now. “You know what’s fun to do on a road trip?” Duke asks, that obnoxious grin still on his face as he leers at me from the front seat. “Play games.” Baron stares at me, his eyes lit with the sadistic gleam they get when he’s about to have fun doing something that no one should find enjoyable. “You want to play a game, Harper?” “No, I don’t want to play a fucking game,” I say quietly as August turns onto the ramp to the interstate heading north. “Let me out of the car.” “Now, where’s the fun in that?” Duke asks. “We’re just getting started.” “How about twenty questions,” Baron says. “I’ve got a question,” August says, speaking for the first time since I got in the car. His voice is quiet and calm—eerily calm. “Who the fuck is Mr. D?”

August’s pov

 I pull up on the side of the highway and turn off the car. It doesn’t matter who sees us. Nothing will save Harper now. I should have known. That’s what I keep thinking. I should have fucking known. The second I unlock the doors, she’s out of the car and running across the soggy field beside the road, some kind of farmland with rows of brown dirt and green sprouts, trenches of water between them. “There are snakes in there,” Duke calls after her, a taunt in his voice. She hesitates, glancing from us to the field. Then she runs. Smart girl. She’d be lucky to be struck by a snake. Snakes can’t hurt her half as much as we will. They’ll kill her fast. We won’t show her the same mercy. “Guess she’d rather be with her kind,” Baron says, grabbing a bag from the trunk.

We start across the field, sloshing through the slippery, spongey mud. Cold water rushes into my boots. Harper’s already halfway through the field to the trees beyond, where the lazy spring sun filters through the budding branches. It’s almost pretty, her last sunset. I’m not worried about losing her. She can’t outrun us. She’s just making our job easier. She could have made us carry her. Not that any of it matters. It’s over for her. This was always the end, even if it came sooner than I wanted, even if it’s more final than the others. We usually don’t finish them off. We let them live their broken lives, remembering what they had and lost. Harper never had anything to lose. That’s what threw me off. She has only her life to give. I’m calm, knowing what has to be done. The rage came fast and lasted longer, sank deeper than usual, but it’s under control now. I know I’m not only angry at Harper, that my rage is bigger than her, than either of us. I’m furious at myself for my weakness. For caring. And even though I didn’t try, or even realize it, I trusted her in some small way.

Not with information, but enough to let myself feel something again. She uncovered a weakness. That was my mistake. Now I’m paying. She’ll pay, too. She should have known better than to cut through the stone crust inside me with her jackhammer claws. She should have known the fiery rage of lava below would swallow us both. I fed it to the monster, and he came to life, came to protect us. Only he can cool the rage. He’s cold, focused. The monster doesn’t deal in the currency of emotion. He’s here to collect a debt from a Darling, and that’s all. We reach the far side, and I point to the spot where she went into the woods. We can hear her sloshing through the water that sits around the base of the trees in this dreary, swampy wetland. She’s not hard to find, even when she stops and hides in the trees. The ripples in the water give her away. I stand back and watch Baron and Duke darting after her as she races away from them.

They like to play, and I let them. When they catch her, she slips through their hands. She falls, sinking into the water. I could make it easy for her, push her under and watch the bubbles come up from her mouth and life go out of her eyes. But my brothers drag her up. They want to play more. The weakness inside me rises, but I don’t push it down. I hold it up, forcing it to see, to accept. She’s not mine any longer. They can do what they want to her. She throws a punch, knocking Duke back, then knees Baron in the nuts and smashes his face on her knee. He stumbles back, blood gushing from his nose. The next second, she has a knife in her hand, slashing at Duke’s throat.

He knocks her aside, and the knife tears through his shoulder instead of his neck, leaving a deep gash in the muscle. He swears, and she spins, raising the knife as Baron stumbles back, still holding his crotch. She lunges forward in the water, knife flashing, teeth bared, her eyes wild as a trapped animal. He holds up a hand to block her. She swipes the knife across his palm, striking swiftly and fiercely. Red swirls into the water and pulses in my temple. That’s enough. They’re done playing.

That’s the last Walker blood this Darling will ever draw. I leap at her, catching her from behind before twisting her around and slamming her up against a tree, her feet lifted off the ground. She swings the knife, but I have better instincts than my brothers. I’m a fighter, too. I grab her wrist and twist, feeling the bones snapping and her cry of pain as if they’re far away. The knife tumbles into the water, and I wrap my hand around her throat and squeeze, just like I did the very first time I saw her. I should have killed her then. She kicks and fights, but I don’t feel it. I squeeze until she stops breathing, and then I let her body fall. Instead of sinking under the surface, she lands on her hands and knees in the water, gasping and crying into the water. Fuck. I didn’t hold on long enough, I didn't knock her out. But it doesn’t matter. We’ve got time. “Don’t kill her, dude,” Duke says. “You promised we could have her when you were done.” Harper starts groping around in the water for her knife. She’s soaked and shivering, covered in mud and swamp water. This is where she’s always belonged, in the dirt and filth, and where she’ll return after the last moments of her short life. Duke and Baron wrestle her to her feet and march her forward, to a little hillock raised from the water, a big tree standing in the center of it.

I watch my brothers tie her arms, then bind the rope around a tree. “August,” she begs, twisting around to see me. Her eyes are wide with terror. I can tell she’s trying to reach me, trying to find the connection between us. But she severed that with the blade of her vengeance long before she took a knife to my brothers. “I’m sorry. Please.” I stare at her. “I don’t know who he is,” she says. “I thought he might be one of you,I owed him, and he wouldn’t let me stop. I tried to stall, to give him unimportant details, so I wouldn’t have to hurt you.” I want to laugh, but I can’t seem to remember how. “Did you read them all? To the end?” she asks, her voice desperate and pleading. She once told me she’d never beg. She was always a liar. “I cut him off, August. I knew for months, and I wasn’t going to tell him. I couldn’t do that to you. But you were going after innocent people… I’m sorry I said anything. And I’m so sorry that you have to do that. I wanted to help you. But you’re ruining people who don’t deserve it.” “You deserve it.” “I told him I’d never talk to him again.” “Do you really think I care?” I can hardly believe the audacity of this bitch. But this isn’t my first dance with an enemy. I know what they do, how they think. “Please,” she says. “Please don’t kill me.” “I’m not going to kill you,” I say. “And I won’t speak to you again.” “Please,” she says again, as if she’s forgotten every other word. So, I say the words, the ones I’ve regretted for the last two years.

It seems fitting somehow, that they’re my last words to her, too. I speak to them slowly, savoring the painful ache and weight of each one. “You are dead to me.” It feels good to say them. After repeating them in my head a hundred thousand times over the past two years, saying them aloud brings a kind of closure. It’s a relief, as if I’ve severed a gangrenous limb.

That’s what a heart is. A parasite eating away at me, a disease corrupting me one day at a time, deceiving me into thinking that I’m still little August in some dark corner of my mind. But I’m not little August. And now he’s cut away cleanly, and I am only the monster. “She’s yours,” I tell my brothers. “Do what you want.” I don’t turn away. I don’t enjoy watching the scene, but I won’t spare myself. I will witness this, and witness how I am able to feel nothing. The monster has grown fat in two

 years of rage and pain, and he is more powerful than any emotion a mortal man would feel. He has complete control. It’s truly impressive. I watch them silence her. Strip her. I watch her fight, and I watch them overpower and punish her. For a moment I waver. Some part of me wants to kill them for touching her. But that is weakness, and the monster doesn’t allow for weakness. The monster is me now, and I am him. And he knows what must be done. Mercy is weakness, and though she may have been my weakness, he has none. This isn’t about her at all.

I could have followed the footprints around her house to the back and shot her through the window while she slept. This way… This is the monster’s way, the twins’ way. This is the only way to show my blind heart the truth—she is no longer mine. She never was. When they’re done, they crack open beers and make a toast. I’m not here for the celebration. I’m not here to see what sick torments they can think up. I’ve seen enough. I saw to it that she was punished, made myself witness enough to ensure that I would never be weak enough to see her as mine again. Now it’s done, and I feel nothing. It’s final. I turn and walk away. That’s the difference between Harper and Crystal. That’s why those same five words destroyed me once and set me free the second time. I didn’t mean them when I said them to Crystal. That was never meant to be a goodbye. It was a goodbye for Harper. The fitting words as I leave her to die.

[peach-the-owl]

✨Gilmore and Child✨

You know what I mean, we both do Luv

Indeed we do Luv, indeed we do

March is finally upon us! And so starts the beginning of NPC Month! LET’S GOOOOOO!

Nothing More Valuable

Gilmore & Child!Reader

Set some time after Wild Surge

It’s almost hard for you to believe that just a few months ago you were actually adopted, and not by just any random person either, but one of the best shop owners in existence, a one Shaun Gilmore. Some mornings you’d wake up half expecting it all to have been a dream and are always thankful to realize it wasn’t. Today proved a little different when you wake up feeling a little stuffy in the head, part of you wanting to just roll over and go back to bed, and you almost would it not for the knocking at your door.

“(Y/n), you awake? Or shall I come back later.” You hear Gilmore on the other side of the door. You stretch and sniffle as you climb out of bed and open the door for him, being greeted by his smiling face. “Ahh, there you are. Ready for the day as much as I am?”

“Almost,” you say with a small yawn, “just need to get dressed and clean up a little.” You return the smile and he nods.

“Then I’ll leave you to it. But do be quick, I have a special task for you today.” Gilmore says as he closes the door. Hearing you had a special task perks you up a bit, though your head still feels stuffy you choose to ignore that as you hurry to get ready for the day and rush out of your room.

“I’m done!” You announce with a proud smile.

“Ah, glorious!” Gilmore beams back walking over to you. “Now, are you ready for that special task?” You nod eagerly, stopping when there’s a minor dizzy feeling rattling around your head, note to self don’t be too eager. Gilmore chuckles and hands you a slip of paper alongside a bag of gold. “I’ll be holding a special sale soon and I’d like for you to grab the items on the list for me while I prepare the finer details at the shop.”

“You mean I get to go to around the market all by myself!?” You look to him excitedly.

“I do, you’ve learned the layout enough and I’m confident in your abilities.” He reassures, finding your excited bouncing amusing.

“I won’t let you down.” You salute him, as if you were a solider assigned a serious mission, before heading out the door. Gilmore let’s out another amused hum, a much softer and fond smile on his face as he watches you disappear into the growing morning crowd before heading to the shop. You’ll be fine, he figures, you’ve done trips like this all the time with either him or one of his trusted employees, yet even with that thought in mind it didn’t shake an uneasy pit to form in his gut…

It was growing closer to midday and that small pit Gilmore had sank into a deep worry, you should’ve arrived by now. He tries shaking off any worse case scenarios, reasoning that the market can still be just a bit confusing for someone still so young or perhaps you’d run into someone you knew and struck a conversation with them, maybe both. Yes, that had to be it, Gilmore was an outgoing person and it’s no secret that you had come out of your shell a lot more since he took you under his wing. Yet as the day progressed, evening starting to approach and still no sign of you, that worry was now slowly slipping into a fear that something was wrong.

“Sherri, I’m going out.” Gilmore says in an oddly firm voice, Sherri nods to him in understanding, truth is she too was starting to worry about your well being but kept it to herself so she’d remain professional in front of the costumers. With Gilmore’s concern growing by the second he barely registers the new arrivals at his shop, the questions they ask unheard as he casually brushes them off and heads for the door. It’s only when a hand is placed on his shoulder and a familiar voice makes him pause.

“Gilmore? Is everything alright? You’re never one to just walk away like that.” Gilmore looks to the rouge, Vax’s face showing concern for his friend.

“I… you you wouldn’t happen to have seen (y/n) on your way here, have you?” Gilmore asks with slight hope.

“I’m afraid not, why? Is something wrong?”

“I sent them out to pick up a few item for me, I haven’t seen them since.” The worry was evident in his voice, gaining the attention of the rest of Vox Machina. “I’m sorry, I don’t have the time to stay any longer.” With that he turns for the door again.

“We’ll search with you.” Vax quickly adds making Gilmore glance over his shoulder at him. “We know how much (y/n) means to you, and I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say we’d all like to see them return safe and sound, right?” He looks to his group getting a nod from everyone, some more enthusiastic then others.

Gilmore, now with the help of Vox Machina head to the market and spread out to start their search for you, asking around to see if anyone knows anything of your whereabouts. This, to Gilmore’s dismay, came mostly unsuccessful and now was when worst case scenario was starting to bleed into his thoughts. Where could you be? Did someone take you? Were you hurt? What if- His thoughts come to a screeching halt as he turned to look down a small alleyway, the very familiar figure laying on the ground, laying in a small puddle of their own blood nearly making his heart stop. Gilmore rushes to you, checking your pulse and breathing a slight sigh of relief when he finds you still have one, now he carefully lifts your unconscious form in his arms and leaves the alleyway, spotting Pike not too far away and calling for her.

“Please, help them.” Gilmore near begs, Pike wasting no time in healing you. When she steps away you’re still out cold but at least you were stable, Gilmore sighing in relief. “As always your devine magic is well appreciated.” He thanks.

“Oh, it was nothing.” Pike smiles. “You should take them home to rest, I’ll tell the others you found them.”

“Wonderful, and as thank you for the help I’ll allow you all a fifteen…” He pauses a second to look at your sleeping figure. “Ahh, what the heck, you each can take one item free of charge.”

“Whoa! Wait, really?!” Pike stares shocked, Gilmore nods with no hesitation.

“Generous, I know but… no item could be more valuable then them.” He smooths some of your hair back, a caring look in his eyes as your body shifts a little to rest more comfortably in his arms. With that Gilmore heads home, Pike giving a quick wave before using her earring to update the others.

When you finally open your eyes it’s dark outside, stars could be seen through the window. What happened? You remember going to the market and then sneezing… oh right. Your realization turns to a groan when your head starts throbbing, the stuffy nose doesn’t help either. The door opens softly and Gilmore steps into the room, surprise crosses his features when he sees you sitting up in bed, he walks over and kneels down at the bedside.

“Hi, how are you feeling?” As much as he wanted to smother you in a hug knowing you were safe and well, he refrained, not wanting to accidentally hurt you himself.

“I feel icky, dizzy and my head hurts.” You huff a little. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get what you needed.” You quickly add but Gilmore hushes you.

“There’s no need for apologies. I’m just glad you’re alright. What happened? Did someone hurt you?” From soft and gentle to looking ready to smite someone in an instant, a rare sight to see from the shopkeeper.

“… no, it wasn’t like that.” You say just above a whisper, you cheeks reddening from feeling a little embarrassed, Gilmore’s quick to notice.

“It’s alright. Tell me what happened.”

“Ummm, well, I was in the market and looking for where to pick up the stuff you wanted when a-Ah-AHCOOO!!” Before you could stop yourself you sneeze, a surge of magic activating and sending a few items tumbling to the floor. “Th-that happened, but a lot stronger and I blacked out… I think I’m sick.” You finish sheepishly. It’s quiet for a moment before he lets out a soft chuckle.

“Well, I’m just glad no one tried targeting you personally. Now you rest up, I’ll fix something up for you when you wake again.” He encourages, you lean forwards and give him as best a hug as you can.

“Thank you.” You mumble into his shoulder.

“For what?” He hums curiously, retuning the hug.

“For caring for me. You’re the best papa ever!” Gilmore’s touched by your words, a content smile on his face as he places a gentle kiss to the top of your head.

“Well… thank you for allowing me to do so. You’re the most valuable thing to ever enter my life.” He replies sincerely, you beam at him before letting out a yawn, Gilmore tucks you into bed and quietly exits the room as you finally laying down for some well needed rest.

[moonlit-stay]

(ATE Edition)

This is me writing out my thoughts of each song as I'm listening to them.

Feel free to ignore this😂

-

MOUNTAINS thoughts:

OH FUCK

I AM SO EXCITED

PH FMY FICK

SHZJJSHWBWSJDKJXBDJEJDJDUXHRBRJJSJDJDJDHSHS

THIS SONG IS FUCKING EVERYTHING TO ME

THISBHAS ME WANTIMG TO CATAPULT MYSELF INTO A FUCKING WALL

HYUNJIN'S VERSE?????? HELLO?????

ARE WE FUCKING KIDDINGGGGGGGG

I'VE BEEN SO EXCITED FOR THIS SONG SINCE THE UNVEIL TRACK BUT OH MY FUCK. NOTHING COULD'VE PREPARED ME FOR THSI

O AM MANICALLY SCREAMING BRO

Chk Chk Boom thoughts:

THE FUCKING MUSIC VIDEO??????? ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE

HAN'S OPENING VERSE IS THE MOST INSANE SHIT IBHAVE EVER HEARD

ZEND FUCKING HELP

(S)CREAMING BROBWHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKK

THEY HAVE FUCKING RYAN REYNOLDS AND HUGH JACKMAN IN THEIR FUCKING MUSIC VIDEO. WHO THE FUCK BESIDES THEM HAD EVER??????

CAN WE SAY MAKIMG FUCKING HISTORY???????

I WILL BLOW MY VOCAL CORDS RIGHT NOW. I DO NOT CARE.

THE FITS??????? PURPLE BIN????

FUCKKKKKKKKKKK

JJAM thoughts:

AHHHHHHHSJDJDIEHEHDY OH NY GOD

THE SCREECH THAT FUCKING LEFT ME

OH MY FUCING GOD

GOD'S MENU, SUPER BOWL, JJAM

MY FAVORITE MUSICAL FAMILY

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

"GODDAMN" ??????????

YOU KNOW IT'S GOOD WHEN YOU'RE PULLING THE MOST DISGUSTED FACES KNOWN TO MANKIND

I CANNOT GRASP THE FACT THAT THIS IS REAL

NO FUCKING WAY THEY PUT "I KNOW YOU KNOW LEE KNOW" I AM LOSING IT

I WILL BE THROWING INSANE ASS TO THIS SONG HOLY SHIT

I Like It thoughts:

IM NOT READY

OH SHIT

THE GASP I GASPED

JESUS CHROST

OH MY HOD

HAN AMD HYUNJIN'S VERSE????? GOOD LORD???

CHRISTOPHER????

CAN'T LIE, I'D THROW ASS TOBTJIS TOO

Runners thoughts:

AHHH OH SHIT

OH FUCK

IBWAS NOT EXPECTING THAT

THROWING ASS AS I TYPE BRO

THIS IS SO FUCKING GOOD OG MY GSO

I WILL HOLD YOUR HAND WHAT THE FUCK

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

twilight thoughts:

OH SHIT

THOS IS ALREADY SO GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL

GODDAMN I'M VIBIN

This actually reminds me of one of their performances (one of my ALL time favorite performances, actually)

Is there any sound they CAN'T do? My GOD

This song REALLY makes me wanna dance in the rain for some reason? It just makes sense in my brain??

Stray Kids thoughts:

I'M SCARED

AM I ABOUT TO SOB????

I'M NOT READY

SHIT UP I ALREADY HAVE TEARS IN MY EYES AND IM NOT EVEN 30 SECONDS IN

I have tears streaming down my face.

My eight loves, you've come so, so far

I cannot put into words how proud I am of my boys.

The music video for this song will fucking break me. Nothing will prepare me for that.

Chk Chk Boom (Festival Ver.) thoughts:

I saw "festival version" and screamed

I NEED TO SEE THEM PERFORM THIS AT AN AWARD SHOW OR FESTIVAL ASAP

OH MY FUCK

DHAKING ASS AS I TYEP

O HHUGH MY FUCOSJ GOD

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO NOT ZHAKE ASS????? WHATVTHE FUCK

THIS IS FUCKING INSSNE

JESUS GUCKING CHRIST

Final thoughts:

OH MY FUCK, WHERE DO I START

Okay, so, years ago I decided that whenever they make a comeback I would stream nothing but the album, all day, every day, until after promotions. Over time, the duration of me streaming the album has just gotten longer.

WITH THIS ALBUM?? I'M NEVER LEAVING. WHAT THE FUCK.

I WILL BE SHAKING ASS TO NOTHING BUT THIS ALBUM UNTIL AT LEAST SEPTEMBER

All bullshit aside, I am so incredibly proud of these eight and how far they've come. I am so unbelievably proud to be a STAY, and I cannot wait to continue to support them on this insane journey of theirs.

Nothing but success and unconditional love to my 4th Gen leaders and kings <8