#so posting something knowing people likely won’t read it feels like shooting myself in the foot

[caterpillarinacave]

So I haven’t written anything in a month

[strawberrystepmom]

senku x f!reader. reader has a background in agriculture. reader is referred to as princess in jest and the unpacking of the reason it upsets reader follows. reader and senku are both 25. post canon au where he and the other ishigami village settlers find a small settlement in california. robert is an oc created specifically for the au. wc 1.7k

divider thanks to @/cafekitsune as always

“You and Gen have a lot in common.”

Snorting at Senku’s words, you dab at the droplets of sweat on your hairline with the back of your gloved hand. He hasn’t been superbly helpful weeding the carrot patch but at least he has been decent company, the two of you working in parallel worlds and occasionally exchanging remarks about what you’re doing. This is generally how things just go when you’re together.

You won’t go so far as to say that you enjoy him, you barely know the man who stepped foot on shores not far from where you are now a little over a month ago, but it’s pleasant to have someone around who will listen to you ramble about whatever has been on your mind. You don’t judge him and he has never judged you, a silent mutual understanding that people will be people, the thread that ties the two of you together.

It doesn’t mean he isn’t observant, though, and he’s all too apt to share said observations with you.

“Why do you say that? Is it because we are both charming, hilarious, and beautiful?”

Senku chuckles while you wipe your free hand on your pants. Very glamorous, you think and laugh to yourself quietly. The sun hangs high enough in the sky you know it’s midday and you offer small waves to everyone who passes by you, smiling big enough people can see it even from a few feet away. You don’t have to do this but you go out of your way to do it, something that always strikes Senku as funny.

“Humble, too.” The scientist remarks and you look up at him, noticing he’s jotting notes away in a leatherbound notebook he swiped from the medical barn.

He has a makeshift ink pen, an invention of his own making, and he’s jotting down thoughts of how to improve the settlement. Watch towers, another well, perhaps mechanized farming equipment to keep you from having to do as much heavy lifting as you do.

“So you agree?” He chuckles again at your words and keeps scribbling, raising his brows. “You know I don’t point out the obvious, princess.”

The recent nickname makes you scoff but your cheeks warm. He heard the village doctor and navigator, two of your closest friends, call you the name in jest and he couldn’t possibly let it go considering what an apt descriptor it is.

“Don’t call me that, it’s bad enough that they do.” Sighing, you reposition your sunhat before leaning down to dig up another weed. “There’s nothing princess-y about me.”

Tossing a carrot down, you decide to rest a moment and sit down next to him in the yellowing grass. The weather is still moderate and pleasant but six weeks from now, it’s likely a small blanket of snow and frost will cover the world and your plants in the process so time is of the essence with the less hearty members of the settlement garden. You feel Senku looking at you but don’t entertain him by glancing back, situating yourself and stretching your legs out in front of you.

“No?” Senku shoots back and you groan, laying back in the grass and closing your eyes. He looks over you and shakes his head, placing the notebook on his thighs where his legs are crossed. “Let’s be honest with ourselves here. If this were thousands of years ago, you’d be in a big tower in a pretty dress waiting for some muscle-brained knight to come and slay a dragon for you.”

You want to be offended but you’re instead curious about what exactly makes him feel that way and how it relates to you and Gen at all.

“What do you mean? I can take care of myself and have managed to do it pretty well so far.”

Senku shakes his head. He can tell you aren’t offended thanks to the lightness in your tone and he appreciates that you don’t read between the lines considering there are none when he comes to him. He says what he means and you listen to it appreciatively.

“I’m not saying you can’t, I’m saying you inspire that kind of action in people.” He shrugs. “Think about the stories I know you used to read. A princess never has to ask for devotion, she simply gets it.”

Raising a brow, he meets your eyes and glances further out in the distance where one of the villagers he brought with him, Ginro, slumps in the fields while pulling weeds. The blonde man keeps glancing in your direction and waving before tilting his face downward to make sure you notice that he’s doing what you asked him to.

“I’ve never seen Ginro work so hard,” the scientist sniffs and you laugh louder than intended, bringing your hand to cover your mouth to stifle the noise.

“Not very fair of you to start with the easy target, Ishigami.”

He snickers and looks across the settlement, seeing if he can spot any of the others he has brought with him that have been more than happy to assist with anything you ask them to. You flash a smile, flutter your lashes if you have to, and shit seems to get done. It’s how you did things before you were petrified too.

“I overheard Hyoga arguing with Robert about being the one to escort you on the next foraging expedition.”

Thinking about the white haired man you feel a little uncertain of yourself and you look away. You find him extremely handsome despite his evasive nature and the two of you have only had a handful of conversations but he’s surprisingly helpful when necessary, you simply go out of your way trying to avoid asking for his help because he makes you nervous. Robert, on the other hand, is an issue that has followed you even thousands of years into the future (pro tip: don’t get petrified and then depetrified near a man harassing you in a club) but he insists on being your personal security whenever he can.

You make a note to genuinely contemplate trying your luck by asking Hyoga personally to accompany you but for now, you turn your attention back to your spiky haired companion.

“No you didn’t. Besides, we haven’t even planned a trip before winter even though we need to make one.”

Senku purses his lips and continues to look around the lands surrounding him.

“When have I ever lied to you?”

Considering his question for a moment, you hum and tilt your head. He hasn’t lied to you but this specific instance feels like a stretch.

“So you heard Big Mouth Bobby mention me and now I’m a princess? Seems like that criteria is a little unfair.”

Senku shifts where he sits and stretches his legs out in front of him to match your position. You shade your eyes from the sun with your palm and look up at him to find he’s glancing over his shoulder at you, shaking his head.

“You seem to think I’m telling you that it’s a bad thing people like and want to be liked by you.”

Shrugging, you settle back against the grass and kick your feet gently. He watches your every move and you feel observed and viewed rather than enjoyed, something about him that always makes you squirm despite yourself.

“Maybe you’re right.”

Senku smiles.

“I’m always right.”

You laugh and shake your head, shutting your eyes to keep from being further intimidated by his weighted glance. If he has any other assessments he’s clearly going to keep them to himself so you press forward, sun warming your face while you speak.

“I don’t get how that relates to me and Gen being similar though. Is he a princess too?”

A chuckle from your companion. At least you can always make him laugh even if you know your other charms won’t work on him. Looks have no effect on Senku nor do fluttering lashes or cute, coy smiles - he judges people off of their character only and you admire the depth it takes for him to do so.

“Oh yeah, that.” He picks his notebook back up and begins scribbling again. “You’re both very persuasive and understand people better than they think.”

Giggling, you sigh contentedly and even Senku finds himself a little bit drawn to the sound. You are charming and sweet and funny and perhaps a bit too honest beneath the slightly self deprecating humor you use to keep people from knowing who you really are. Even Senku can acknowledge all of these things - they’re true, after all. Proven and quantifiable.

“Well, thank you. The power of people skills can never be underestimated in a world where half of the people you meet want to kill you and the other half probably want to kill themselves because we don’t have social media to numb their brains.”

Again with that too honest humor. The scientist shakes his head and scribbles down a doodle for the vision he has for the tower he’s going to build in the coming weeks, halfway between your fields and the little cabin you call home. It’s the perfect position to see the entire settlement and he assumes the only reason you don’t have one yet is that you’ve lacked the people to assist with making it.

He may not be a muscle-brained knight, saving you while you sit forlornly in a tower, but he can be the genius that builds the tower you’ll help create the future society all of you will someday live in from. It’s a far more noble cause if you ask him.

“Keep it up.” He adds simply and you shield your eyes from the sun again, opening them to meet his. You offer a thumbs up and a grin and he shakes his head.

“I am going to tell Gen you called him a princess, though.”

Senku scoffs and leans back, still glancing down at you.

“Well then you’d be lying and it isn’t good to lie, now is it?”

You sit up, ready to argue back and forth but you’re interrupted by Ginro calling your name from a distance and approaching you, three carrots in his fist. Senku rises to standing and reassuringly pats your shoulder with the hand not holding his notebook.

“Looks like your savior is on his way, princess.”

You sigh, shaking your head and waving the scientist goodbye when he parts, watching him leave before plastering on your best persuasive smile and greeting Ginro exuberantly.

[shrimpwritings]

Arcane Season 2: Vi Character Analysis and Speculations

It’s been a while since I’ve done a character analysis, and what better way to write one after watching the first three episodes of the second season of Arcane? This is just my interpretation and analysis, so it might not be the same as other people’s, and that’s okay! There will be major spoilers ahead, though, so please read at your own risk!

We’re all anxious to see what’s to become of Vi in Act 2 of season 2, and rightfully so, considering how badly Caitlyn fucked up. Despite the pain we feel for Vi in that scene, we can still sympathize with Caitlyn as her grief is taking charge over her rational thinking, but at that moment, Vi looks as if her whole world has crumbled.

Despite the jokes people have made online posting pictures of Vi’s models from season 1 and season 2, namely during her pit fighter era, with texts all saying something along the lines of, “This is what a lesbian situationship does to someone.” In a way, they’re right, but it holds a deeper meaning than just that.

Vi grew up with the weight of the world on her shoulders. Vander always told her she would be held responsible for whatever happened to Mylo, Claggor, and Powder– or Jinx. The first, and probably only person that had told her that whatever happened to her sister wasn’t her burden to bear was Caitlyn, so her betrayal hits hard. Vi finally thinks she’s found someone that won’t hold her accountable for the atrocities her sister commits, someone she’s comfortable showing vulnerability to. 

Vi understands Powder died as soon as she was arrested, though it takes the entirety of season 1 to fully grasp that because, to her, time stopped. She was convinced she’d come back to that same little girl she abandoned against her will, but instead, she came back to an unstable person hellbent on chaos. Trying to live in a world that moved on was a difficult transition for her, only made easier by Caitlyn giving her a place to stay for a time, and running to her for comfort after her mother’s passing. She felt responsible for everything that happened, and it takes a soft moment between the two to make her truly understand that she doesn’t have to shoulder the burden of the casualties in the explosion.

Then the fight happens, and Vi stops Caitlyn from shooting Jinx and Isha. 

“I keep telling myself that you’re different, but you’re not. It’s her blood in your veins.” “Then why are you the one acting like her?!”

The butt of a gun to the gut– the exact same place where Sevika had stabbed her in season 1 to be exact– and a glare from Caitlyn are the last things Vi receives before being left completely alone. We can see the absolute devastation on her face as she’s left completely alone, in pain and hurting, as the one person who she felt saw her as more than Jinx’s big sister leave her. 

From what we know about Vi as a character, is that she knows that she, as a Zaunite, is frowned upon, and she will never be treated with respect. Caitlyn only solidifies this belief by how she lashes out at her for stopping her from killing Jinx and Isha in the crossfire.

So where does that leave Vi? In a place between Zaun and Piltover, unable to belong in either city as they’re torn apart by Jinx’s revolution and Ambessa’s declaration of martial law, working as a pit fighter to make ends meet and drowning herself in liquor. Caitlyn’s betrayal hurts more than anything Silco or Jinx could do to her because she truly, genuinely, loved her, and thought she did the same. Why wouldn’t she fall deeper into the pit she dug for herself, using black face paint and hair dye to forget about the person she was that foolishly fell for Caitlyn Kiramman?

With that said, I’m very excited and terrified of where Vi’s story is going to take us in Act 2. November 16th can’t come any sooner.

[natsumesakasaki666]

TSUMUGI BIRTHDAY 2024

Mini talk 1

Tsumugi: …..understood, are there any more preparations needed after this?

oh look who it is! Good morning, Anzu-Chan! You seem full of energy as ever !

Fufu, I didn’t think that you’d wish me a happy birthday right upon greeting each other! Thank you so much!

Anzu: Has any one else wished you a happy birthday yet?

Tsumugi: Yes, I’ve received many birthday messages from a number of people.

I’m so glad that you remembered my birthday ♪

Mini talk 2

Tsumugi: Anzu-chan, you’ll be present at today’s photo shoot, won’t you?

If you’re there with me, I’ll feel at ease while going through with the shoot.

Just like you, I want these photos to turn out well for my birthday, so I’ll do my best♪

Anzu: I’m looking forward to it

Tsumugi: oh really? But don’t set the bar too high or else I’ll find myself in trouble later during the shoot.

In a bit I’ll go look through some birthday like photos to get some ideas.

Mini talk 3

Tsumugi: ah, we just suddenly started chatting away. We’re still good on time right?

Yes, I’ll start heading there when it’s time.

I’m looking forward to the shoot later today. Well then, I’ll see you in a bit!

Anzu: until it’s time to shoot…

Tsumugi: On your screen… is that … SNS? Fufu, everyone I know and even fans are making celebration posts.

Thank you so much. Until the shoot starts, I’ll go through and read everyone’s posts for a bit

————Birthday story————

Tsumugi: (As expected of Anzu-chan, all the preparations made for the shoot are perfect.)

(No matter the job, she always makes sure to never cut any corners.)

(Even if something’s really difficult, it doesn’t show on her face at all. Anzu-chan is really amazing!)

Aah, I’m sorry for rudely staring at you . I was just thinking about how well this shoot will turn out!

Thank you for preparing everything for today, I really appreciate it…♪

——————

Tsumugi: By the way, there’s something I’ve been curious about for a while now… What’s with that box that’s next to the set?

Is it a prop that will be used for the photographs? It has such a beautiful ribbon wrapped around it that my eyes can’t help but be drawn to it……

Eh!? Wait, this present is for me? I never expected that……

Thank you so much! Well then, shall I open this right away……♪

Woah, what a dazzling suit! I can wear this for today’s photo shoot, right? I’m so happy ♪

—————

Tsumugi: I tried on the suit, how is it?

Fufu, being praised all out like this is making me so embarrassed~

Ah, now even all the staff too. This is somewhat a bit awkward for me….

But I really like this suit too! It’s very well made and comfortable to move around in. As expected of Anzu-chan, the suit you prepared is perfect.

Thanks to the suit, looks like this shoot will be a lot more special than I thought I’d be♪

————

Tsumugi: Since I’ve changed into something nice, shall we begin?

Oh right, I thought of some poses before our shoot began but are there any specifics from either Anzu-chan or any staff?

I see. So you’d like me create a fun birthday atmosphere that feels special.

Understood. I’ll come up with something to meet your expectations!

————

Tsumugi: Phew. You took some good photos, didn’t you? They really give off a special birthday vibe~♪

To Anzu-chan and all the staff, thank you so much! I really appreciate it!

Umm Anzu-chan, do you mind taking a photo of me as a momento? Alright then, I’d appreciate it if you could please.

————

Tsumugi: wow, I have a really nice expression in the photo Anzu-chan took….♪

Aha! Is it alright if I add a little something to this photo?

……and done! Here you go. You gave me such a wonderful suit so I want to give you my sincere thanks ♪

[13tinysocks]

hey dude! What's up :)) been just a little since l've said something

Initially, this is me saying thank you and goodbye

This isn't supposed to be a weird pity story, so l'm so unbelievably sorry if it comes off that way, lol.

When I began reading your work, I was enamoured with fiction because of personal issues (as many usually are, honestly, I know I'm one of god knows how many people trying to run away from life for just a second with fanfics or media in general). I don't know if I will ever be able to communicate this properly, hell, this will even be unbelievable funny or dramatic but I need to get this across because it's coming from a genuine place. Your stories and work thus far has brought me comfort, immense heaps of it, and even still when I deal with things that feel out of reach or too much to actually face head on I find myself wandering back to syg or just your blog in general

I mean this, from my entire heart, thank you and thank Bee. A million times thank you, for making that one silly silly stupid piece of fanfiction, because oh my god it got me through some major stressful hardships within my life for the past 3 years.

I am leaving tumblr, however I’m aware I have submitted asks with my actual accounts before, so you'll likely be able to see they're still gonna be up. I'm just deleting tumblr the app instead of my account, but for other social platforms they will be deleted properly (such as quotev) so I won’t be indulging in much reading anymore when it comes to fanfics and such lol

I don't know if I'll come back, if I do I likely will not be back for long or to be as active as l've been because of the toll social media’s taken. So even as ridiculous as this feels, to tell someone I’m simply a fan of and barely truly know, that their fanfic of murderers and their love story with my self insert kept me pushing through a lot of tough days, I genuinely just had to.

I needed to thank both you and your partner for the work you've both put out. I still have that smiley pin I’d made, and I will cherish what you made quotev have been for me ( I literally found out about the website during early or late 2020 I can barely remember, then later found your fic, I was DEEP DIVING into that shit LMAO )

I hope whatever happens for you and bee in the future is only good, and I only will wish nothing but the best of luck with everything man.

feel free to post this (idk what it’s called but when you publicly reply lol) or not, as long as you read this it’ll mean lots to me !! >:))

your coolest weirdest ticci toby fan whose also named toby, 🐚 annon

I always struggle to convey gratefulness for messages like this and readership- especially repeated readership. My life would be different if it were not for comments and messages egging us on to keep writing from syg to ho1c. While it's easy to say that writing is solely out of passion for the craft there is also the drive to share something with others. Hearing those others loud or quiet as a favorite- does push us forward when we have no motivation or desire to work. That drive has made us closer as a couple, better thinkers, and a halfway decent writing team. I thank you and all the others who send us stuff even if it's shit post asks I never answer because I like having them in my inbox like a personal horde of platonic Valentine's. I like keeping the pieces you give me to myself sometimes. I know it may seem like I'm ignoring you but I find genuine comfort in these messages. That there are so many. That they are so varied. That we have reached beyond our shut-in existence to touch the lives of others.

I find myself wondering where an anon has gone when I do not hear from them in awhile. I wish them well. I wish them better standards than us.

Maybe we'll meet again someday space cowboy. If you're ever back in town feel free to shoot me (a message).

Thank you for reaching out. Thank you for reading. I wish you peace and love and good books.

[imaddicted2hs]

ONE SHOT- Broken Mirror

Its going to be sad sad so brace yourself guys.

And yes hey, posting after like decades lmao. Its just a little something i have been feeling lately so if you wanna feel a lil sad, this is the one shot maybe.

Word Count- 1.4k

Warnings- Angst

Happy Reading!!

---------------------------

I slowly breathe in as I mindlessly open my case. I grab the neck of my black guitar, pulling it out carefully. “You will play great y/n I know, don’t stress it too much yeah?” I give my friend a small tight lipped smile and look around to see if he’s there.

We don’t have the same class anymore but he has friends in my section so he often visits during the common break. I have spent nights memorising this very song by heart. I learned to play it on guitar so that I could sing it all out, all my feelings for him. But it will be like a knife was stabbed in my heart if he doesn’t show up. I notice a few heads turn towards me as I sit on the desk, positioning my guitar. I feel the coarse strings on my fingertips as I hold some random chords and give it a light strum. Before beginning with it I quickly glance at the door and to my surprise I make eye contact with him. It’s so quick that I barely see anything other than his green orbs looking at me and his body leaning at the door frame basically effortlessly. Without giving it a second thought I start strumming the intro attracting a few more half interested peeps around me. I get lost in singing right away because I have always felt those lyrics deep in my bones. I was in no way a singer but I was fine enough to not make other people’s ear bleed and sound tolerable if there was light music in the background.

“I wanna taste his lips, yeah cause they taste like you, I wanna drown myself in a bottle of his perfume.”

I made sure to change the pronouns as I sang the song and I tried my best, I really did, to not turn my head to the left as I said the you part but it was almost like my actions were out of my control. Ofcourse I regretted doing that because as soon as I turned my head, he stared right at me and I saw his eyebrows shoot up, which was almost unnoticeable, but I caught the slight surprise in his eyes. Regardless I continued and it felt like the song ended too fast or I swallowed a whole verse or something but maybe I was just being paranoid. My idiotic brain made sure to not skip looking at him at any of the ‘yous’. It was almost embarrassing because I felt like a few people noticed it. I strum the last chord and let it echo as I pull my hand away and smile at the small crowd in front of me. I didn’t even notice that I’d attracted a good amount, probably around 50 people, as I played. Not even a second later I heard a small applause and my friend's rushing words like “dude how” or “damn girl” as she gave me a side hug. I didn’t have the guts anymore to look at him again and my only friend who knew about him gave me a sympathetic look which I just shrugged to in response. So what really was the deal? Harry Styles. The boy I have liked since 7th grade, which means it’s been almost 5 years now. We were not strangers no but we weren’t close friends either. The dynamic we had was too confusing for me to understand properly. We actually did pretty great when it came to texting but it all came down to puddles of awkwardness and almost forced conversation whenever we tried to talk face to face. It wasn’t like that for the first year I’d met him but after two years of not seeing each other and only texting at times, it all ended in this weird ball of confusion. Almost like an intangible mess of lose threads. And what made it worse was my old ex best friend, now like a frenemy, was closer to him than I could ever be. It was almost excruciating to watch them talk so freely and even laugh together. It’s a thought that can make me bust into tears at anytime of the day so I won’t go down that road. I hear a few “that was really nice” and “great job, keep it up” as I start to put my guitar back in because boys around here can’t be trusted. All the compliments made sure to put a permanent smile on my face but my bubble is popped as soon as I see him approach me. “You looked adorable while playing the guitar.” It takes me a second to get a grasp of what he said but I mutter a quick thanks as I try to find something, anything, to do with my hands as we talked. “Could we talk for a moment?” I close my eyes and mentally curse myself because I had a feeling that this would happen but I also had a small hope that he won’t find the guts to do this. “Sure ofcourse” I reply as coolly as I could. I follow him as he tries to make small talks. I know I can break the ice and make it less hard but something inside me doesn’t want me to. Almost as if my soul is enjoying watching him struggle. “So how’s life treating you?” “Nothing much, what about you?” Him and his dry replies again. I just shrug in response to challenge that response. “So who’s the guy crush?” He askes me all of a sudden and I just scoff as a reflex. “Are you really asking me that right now?” My question is laced with annoyance and I can see that he’s taken back by my sudden change in mood but I’m done pretending now. Before he can say anything I attack him with my words. “Not a single glance I gave you was the answer to the question you just asked? I can’t take it anymore Harry, I can’t. Either you are just naive or you just don’t want to see what’s right in front of you.” My voice is shaking but I continue because his face portrays not a single emotion right now.

“You give me all of these mixed signals and I almost believe that you like me but then you sometimes say stuff that screams ‘we are friends’ right in my face. I like you Harry and this all is killing me.” I just stare at him because I know he deserves atleast a little time to comprehend it all. He sighs before he makes a go for it. “Y/n you’re cool and a nice friend but I’m just not looking for a relationship right now. But I promise that we can be really good friends. You can trust me.”

“That’s it? Good friends after this? What? Okay not looking for a relationship. With me or in general? And why didn’t I hear you say that you don’t reciprocate these feelings? What if that girl you like liked you back? You would date her I’m sure.” I can’t think straight as I bombard him with all these questions with tears daring to fall from my eyes. He just gives me a look from which I can’t make out anything and I just stand there watch him leave after he mutters an apology. I want to scream at him. I want to yell and let him know that now also he did nothing but communicate badly and I hate him for not liking me back but I don’t say any of that. Instead I break into tears and let all the frustration out because it really isn’t his fault. He never asked me to fall for him and he never asked me to get attached to him. He didn’t promise me a strong bond or a friendship. He didn’t because he didn’t need to. I fell into the ugliest trap of one sided love and I resent the fact that anything like that exists. I get a hold of myself and I sprint into the nearest restroom. I wash my face, tell myself everything is fine and somehow make it out alive of the next three hours of school. I reach home and in no time I lay on my bed and I cry and cry until I have no tears left. He didn’t feel the same. It felt like I had looked in a mirror, but it was broken. I’d shouted but the voice hadn’t echoed. I had thrown a pebble in the lake and the droplets hadn't repeled. I didn’t like this feeling and I just wanted to wallow in my sadness for the whole night. And that’s exactly what I did.

-------------------------------

Thoughts??? Constructive criticism is welcomed, reblogs are appreciated and I hope I have improved. I'll writing something longer and better soon maybe. See ya till then;)

[polyamorousmisanthrope]

Organization, Self-discipline, Distractability, and a Rant

A friend of mine re-posted this tweet. I am quite certain that because of this friend’s (VERY REAL) struggles there was a feeling of being seen and validated. And that’s a valid point of view. If something comforts you in your struggles, that’s valid, no kidding. And this article might annoy you. Scroll on by. I’m not wanting to dump on what keeps you going. Times are rough enough. Seriously…

My initial reaction before logic kicked in was nearly incandescent rage. Which led to this rabbit hole as I tried to deal with it.

Why did a little meme make me so mad?

So, remember how it took me thirty years to vacuum a closet? I could have as easily said it took me thirty years to pay my bills or cook a meal or several other things.

Oh sure, I’m organized now. I’m talking “color-coded boxes when it is time to move” level of organization, ‘kay? But even though other people don’t see it, I still remember being shamed in fourth grade because of the desk cubby crammed full of books and papers, and being asked, “You’re so smart, how come you can’t–” about So. Many. Things.

I didn’t become organized by ignoring reality

I am not naturally organized. I am not naturally industrious, and I am not naturally all that productive. I’d call myself lazy, but that invites a lecture from anyone who loves me about being too hard on myself.

I did, at some point, need to accept certain realities. Not paying bills can land one in court. Disorganization can be a big problem in one’s professional life. In my own case, I also have a big problem with depression, so I cannot count day to day being on the ball and thinking clearly. (I mean, really, this rant was because of an initial reaction of NOT thinking clearly)

So, shooting for some damn Platonic Form of “Organized and Disciplined” in my case is a recipe for failure. I’m going to bet it is for you, too.

If your plan has no way to account for delays and failure points, it’s a wish, not a plan. There used to be a fashion in self-development on YouTube to have The Perfect Morning Routine. You know, get up, do twenty minutes of yoga, make yourself the perfect nutritionally-balanced breakfast, read some Improving Literature, and bike to work… that kind of thing. To tell on myself, yeah, I’m trying to get in more stretching and yeah, I use a yoga app for that. My general idea is that I’ll get up and do twenty minutes of yoga (stop laughing at me) and then do my day. I did not, in fact, get right up and do that. It’s almost ten in the morning, I’ve been up since six, and I’m here writing this incredibly detailed rant and not getting in that stretching. So I’m failing, right? Wrong.

“Imperfectly Perfect” has a lot going for it My goal for the month is to get in ten minutes of yoga a day as an average measured over a month. I’ll throw in a few minutes today at some point. Probably after I write this. While an organized person looks like they’re doing things in a strict way and in a specific order, that may not be entirely the case. Sure, you have to show up at the dentist at a specific time, or take your meds before you eat or something. But what time you do your writing or wash your dishes has a lot more wiggle room. Let it have that wiggle room and let goals that don’t need to be exact be inexact.

“Good Enough” and “Perfect” are two different things. Good enough is better than Perfect. Bed making… I’ve heard people say that bed-making is too much trouble. When I hear that, I almost always presume another choke point — bed against the wall makes making it a pain in the ass, depression makes it hard to get OUT of bed, never mind making it, things like that. But… If the only time you make your bed is when you have the energy to make it neatly enough you won’t be yelled at on Parris Island, you have absolutely confused “Perfect” and “Good Enough.”

I took that picture thirty seconds before I wrote this. I did no adjustments on the bed. It’s just how I made it this morning. I woke up this morning cranky and wanting to punch Humanity in the mouth. So, not motivated. This meets my personal definition for good enough. It’s made. I’m dressed and doing my day.

Good. Enough.

Defining Good Enough will help you. What is “Good Enough” in your life?Ignoring real issues of executive function will set you up for failure.

Are you distractable? I am. In fact, this article is a prime example of distractability for me. I haven’t written what I plan to do for the day in my Bullet Journal and haven’t done most of my Wednesday morning chores. I got ranty and just had to sit down and write this. That yoga I was going to do? That planning out the day I (usually) do? Obviously not happening right now as I ranty, ranty, rant.

But my life is set up to account for things like this. I accept and plan for the fact that stuff like this happens! I have a means to track what needs to be done that won’t let the genuinely important and urgent things fall through the cracks. Even though I am currently caught up in the glorious dopamine hit of ranting, those things that need to be done are quietly sitting in their places, waiting for my attention.

Thing is, it’s more than just a to-do list. It’s setting up your life to account for how your brain works.

That might mean storing your extra sheets under your mattress so you will immediately re-make the bed when you wash your sheets, or hanging a mask on the back of your door so you don’t forget to put then thing on before you leave your apartment. (Yeah, I know, that looked oddly specific, didn’t it?)Being organized and disciplined is a skill. Mastering skills take time.

Think of anything you know how to do — playing an instrument, cooking a meal, writing fiction, driving, whatever.You might have wanted to master it overnight. But if you actually developed the skill instead of stopping the activity, you probably put in a lot of time and effort. You probably had failures that made you wince at yourself.

Learning the skill of organization is no different.

I know that saying it took me thirty years of solid work to get organized seems like hyperbole. It’s not. It was really that difficult for me.

Which is, I know, why images like the above set me off a little. I know the intention is to make people feel better about a mutual struggle.

But it also makes me feel like in the common cultural mind, my life’s work was mostly a waste of time.

[shebeezee]

Welcome to my page! <3

I’m redoing this now that I’ve been on here for a little while. :]

Quick Intro:

Hey, I’m Bee! I’m a 21 year old queer hispanic from the USA. I prefer if a mix of pronouns are used for me but it’s not required.

I have multiple different disorders/ mental illnesses but you’ll mostly only find BPD related vents here so big TW for BPD related stuff. It’s a safe place for anyone who struggles with any type of disabilities, disorders, mental illnesses, etc.

My DMs, Inbox, etc is always open for any comments, questions, concerns, etc. I’m not very active on Tumblr (I don’t spent a lot of time on here) and I don’t have notifications on but I will respond once I see your message. If you’d like to be mutuals, feel free to interact with this post! Feel free to like, reblog, comment or shoot me a message! If I deem that your account is too triggering for whatever reason however, I may not follow back.

Take care of yourself honey! 💛

Tags:

#SheBeeZee - lil rambles or whatever else

#Inbox - inbox stuff

#BPD - bpd related vent/ rants

Longer Intro:

Hello again! I’ll just go into a bit more detail here. :)

I’ve been off the internet for a long while since I did cut off everyone in my life a few years ago. I isolated myself until more recently when I really started struggling and needed a place to vent out some frustrations. I struggle reaching out to people so feel free to reach out yourself, I promise you’re always welcomed here! :]

I only really post BPD related stuff here to try to keep things more of a safe place where there’s not too many sensitive things that can easily trigger people. I do have a side blog that’s not too hard to find but I won’t link it here because I’ll be rambling more on there about other sensitive topics that can be triggering.

I never had a “Tumblr Era” before this so I’ve pretty much been going in blind. I also don’t spend too much time looking at stuff on here either, not cause I don’t want to but just the mental illness brain talking.

I also do have pretty bad paranoia so if there’s ever something I don’t really answer or I seem to avoid mentioning, please don’t take it personally. I don’t mean any harm by it but I just prefer to keep some things private and my privacy is something I value a lot.

As I mentioned previously, I do have a lot of different disorders along with BPD so BPD can look very different on me compared to someone else who has different disorders. I am not a professional and only use this page to vent thoughts related to my experiences or things I’m going through. People without BPD might also relate to some of my vents since I do have other disorders that can affect my mindset so please don’t take anything I say or vent about as professional medical advice. If anyone wants to talk about it privately, I don’t mind that but please don’t take anything I say as 100% one way or the other since BPD can really look much different in people as well as my other disorders that are also factors to take in.

Thank you so much for reading and I appreciate anyone who sticks around! It’s definitely made me smile knowing there’s a lot of people who can relate to things I struggle with. It makes me feel much less alone than I did when I first started this account. It’s made me feel less crazy and less “it’s all in my head” about things. I appreciate each and every one of you. 🫶 Hope I see all my cute lil flowers around often! 🌻 Take care of yourselves, stay hydrated and remember you’ve been doing amazing with the cards you got given. If no one has said it, I’m so proud of you and love you! 🐝

Started: 9/27/23

Carrd: (bc I’m proud of it :>)

[nsfwhiphop]

Incoming Text for Mila Kunis (@MILAKUNISV):

Dear Mila,

I just want to let you know that you should stop overthinking. You know I’m not a monster; I’ve got your back, but you’ve lost your royal privileges—that’s all.

You wanted to be royal, but you can’t handle the pressure that comes with the title. That’s why I had to kick you out of my royal family.

As long as you don’t come to my palace to spy on me, we’re good. You can consider this a solved problem. You go your way, and I’ll go mine; that way, we don’t have to shoot each other.

Do you remember that movie back in 2010 when Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher had to kill to survive? That movie flopped, but the story was still relevant. Well, I’m going through something very similar—it’s kill or be killed.

And you should never get pissed off when I throw around threats. I’m living this in real life, just like Ashton did in that movie with Katherine. I experience it every day, so you can imagine why I always have my gun ready to defend myself.

A lot of people read my blog posts and think I’m an entertainer; they forget that I’m a target. There are many people trying to eliminate me, so my tolerance level is very low. I get angry when people try to hurt me, and I’m always quick to get my guns wavin’ in the air.

Long story short, don’t get mad at me for saving my own life. These fuckers are trying to kill me, so excuse me if I have the audacity to insult you for all the snake activities. You know very well that I was right, and you were all spying for my enemies.

So, from the bottom of my heart, go f*ck yourself, my dear Mila. And I’m being polite here; you should be glad I’m still being nice to you after all the sh*t you girls have been plotting to overthrow me.

I know you’re mad that you just discovered I have a love story with Chloë Sevigny. I’m crazy about her; I love her so much.

You can hang out with my girl Chloë (@chloessevigny), but you must promise never to hurt her by spying on her for the enemy. Be nice; she is a sweetheart, okay?

Tell Dax and Kristen I said hello. I’ll try to find movie ideas for them. I have to admit that lately, Kristen Bell’s movies have kind of sucked. The last one I watched was "Queenpins" back in 2021, and I enjoyed it; it was a nice movie.

You all struggle to find good movie projects lately, and I’ll try to share ideas with Dax, Kristen, and you, Mila. I know you feel some type of way when you see all the billion-dollar ideas I’ve given to Angelina, Gwyneth, Charlize, and Natalie.

I know you, Zoe, and Rosario are furious because I always give the best ideas to those same women. I don’t do it on purpose; I just felt like giving them those ideas. It’s not that deep.

I won’t find another billion-dollar movie idea in a while, that’s for sure. But I could find you some multi-million dollar movie ideas—are you interested? If you can reach the 300 million mark at the box office, it’s still a win, right?

I’ll try to find some movie ideas that will bring in at least 300 million at the box office. Be patient; when I have an idea, I’ll post it.

Also, you should work with Margot Robbie’s film company, LuckyChap Entertainment. Here’s the Wikipedia link: LuckyChap Entertainment. (click on the blue link)

You and Margot could sign a multi-million dollar deal with her film company. You could also bring Kristen with you. I’m sure you’ll all be stronger if you unite as a team.

The latest film they produced was "Promising Young Woman" in 2020, and it was such a classic. I enjoyed that movie; truly a masterpiece, written by Emerald Fennell.

You should contact screenwriter Emerald Fennell and ask her to add you to her next movie projects. She might say yes; you never know. As a screenwriter, she can vouch for you during casting.

I encourage you to become good friends with Emerald Fennell because she has a very bright future in the film industry. She’s a genius screenwriter.

I’ll let you know when I have a new movie idea for you, my dear Mila. You should relax and take it easy. I’m still your friend. You and Natalie are my idiot sisters because you make rookie mistakes.

Say hello to Walden Schmidt and remind him of Alan Harper’s quote: “When you put it that way, it sounds like a soap opera on Telemundo.”

And also this quote: "Oh, si, Señor Strongman es muy loco."

Okay, this chat was fun.

Love you, Mila! Have fun. Big hugs for you.

Angelo (Crown Prince)

P.S.:

Synopsis of the letter:

In a candid and confrontational letter, the author addresses Mila, urging her to stop overthinking and reminding her of the consequences of her actions, including the loss of her royal privileges. The author expresses frustration over her inability to handle royal pressures and warns her against spying, emphasizing a "kill or be killed" mentality. Drawing parallels to a film featuring Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher, the author discusses the real-life dangers they face and the constant threat to their safety. Despite the tension, the author reassures Mila of their friendship and expresses excitement about their romantic connection with Chloë Sevigny. They also offer to help Mila and her friends with movie ideas, encouraging collaboration and connection with other industry talents like Margot Robbie and Emerald Fennell. The letter concludes with a lighthearted note, reminding Mila of their bond while acknowledging the challenges they face.

[legitimateberry]

Hey! Some catching up in this post.

Last week I went to a $B concert, and it was so good! I kept telling the friend I went with that I couldn’t believe we were in the same city as them when we were walking around before the show and he said, along the lines of, “well, we are here for their show”.

Which, true. But stillllll.

It was euphoric, and I was dancing and singing and feeling the energy and it was magnetic and fire as hell I loved it. Openers were fire.

I love concerts, dude.

Then I watched one of my little sisters for parts of the weekend because my mom was in MN to visit my other little sisters❤️ and my stepdad had to work. Pretty sure everyone thought I was a teen mom, which is fine, but I’ll admit it was awkward sometimes because people just stareeee, bro.

Her and I did arts n crafts and went to the park and the beach and played hide and seek and did chalk outside and saw a mini parade and played uno and did more arts n crafts. It was fun and kind of opened my eyes more to my responsibilities and the life around me and things I’ve been lying to myself about. Two lil addictions I’m afraid I was in denial of until recently. Vaping and that za (will get you if you abuse it fr).

Overall was just an eye opener kind of weekend. Which led to my interview and my newfound habit of going outside to take in the fresh air, although it took me a month to get to the point of doing something about anything.

I had an interview today. I think the best part about it was that it forced me to get up and stop rotting in bed and DO something beneficial and purposeful for myself, even if that means doing my makeup or showering or changing my outfit into something that makes me want to dance in the mirror or have a mini photo shoot because I FEEL good.

Also means getting a job, which I need after my seasonal one ended at the beginning of September. Womp womp. I’m almost out of za and have no vape. I am on the struggle bus, crew.

I have a lot of things I want to save up for and things I need now, so while it’s nice to bed rot it’s not the best when I know I need to be doing literally anything else. Like finding a job.

But I did it! I got the call back a few hours after I left saying they wanted me for the positionnnn!!!! 😆🤘

And I want to find another job, too, as I’m a second one, dos, because have y’all seen the cost of living? Hell nah.

But anyways, these are my interview outfits and some pictures from outside that I took. I like to go outside everyday and journal, then read (this habit started a few days ago), and it’s been good for me and I want to keep doing it. We’ll see if it stays. It’s really the only time I get outside unless I walk our dog.

I live with my mom and stepdad, so I contribute to chores obviously, including taking the pupper outside. He’s a husky. His name is Oso, which means bear in Spanish. He’s super cute, but lots of people are afraid/more wary of him here in Mass when people weren’t in Minnesota and Wisconsin.

Then again, maybe I’m just noticing it. I don’t know.

My observational skills are like my hearing- selective. :D

I do pay attention to detail, just not things that other people do, if that makes sense? I won’t spend time explaining myself idk man.

Anywayssss x2, here’s my outfits and my time basking outside.

More outfits dropping soon because I’m only allowed to post ten pics at a time 🫶👻💃

[creationfathers]

stalker's gone fully nutso...

"@ misha I’ve learned a lot. Thank you for the awakening. But if your not going to step forward with me, then stay where your at. I am officially done chasing you. I will lock myself in a cage if I get “chaser” energy and smash all the phones with a hammer before coming back here and degrading myself again. Twinflame addictive energy is a real thing, but so is twinflame unconditional love. I’ll always love you, but if you don’t love me enough to try- then I guess we are DONE. I am you in another body, what makes you feel so unworthy of real love that you have to constantly behave in the weird ways your behaving? What makes me “chase” outside of myself? I guess we both need a deep look inward. I don’t need you. And you don’t need me. I am your mirror, not your soulmate.I never came here to make you comfortable, I came here to do the opposite and transcend you into unity consciousness. But if you don’t want to make it there, fine by me. Separation is only temporary. One day we will be one again, and you won’t get to experience yourself… so have a nice journey. I’ll see you after we both die and reincarnate… and do this, again."

she posted that alongside a video of her talking and pointing her phone at a message she had handwritten in black sharpie that said "UNBLOCK ME, AND ADMIT TO ME AND THE WORLD THAT YOUR IN LOVE WITH ME AND THAT WE'RE TWIN FLAMES OR LOOSE ME FOR THE LAST AND FINAL TIME" (she says in the video in an angry creepy and threatening voice "I've had it with this journey Misha. and I've had it with everything else. um, this is really egotistical of me to ask you to do this, but you constantly watch me get bullied by your crazy fans and I'm DONE. I really am done. If you don't do these things I'll know that everything you said on that account was a lie. At the end of the day, you have my address, you have everything you need and I'm walking out with my self-worth. the little bit of self-worth that I have. I'm not doing this game anymore with you. I can't do it. it's been TWO YEARS and you're so unaware, you just keep cycling and it would be egotistical for me to say that I'm unaware too because I am unaware. I do come back here every five days and text you and start writing you again and that has to stop. You either love me or you don't. And if you don't love me, then you won't do any of these things. And most likely you won't because guess what? Guess what baby, you've never stood up for me, you've never said 'this is what I believe in' and you've never even came and showed me that you cared. Like I came for you in November. You know your fans wanted to chop my head off too. And it's like I walked in there knowing that I was putting myself in danger and knowing that I was giving you my address and all this stuff and I'm done waiting for you. I've had it. I've had it with the twin flame journey. The twin flame journey sucks. It's not a romantic journey, it's an ascension journey and you're just a catalyst. You want to stay a catalyst, you can stay a catalyst over there. But I've learned my lesson and I'm done. So thank you for everything that you've taught me and thank you for the journey. But if you're not going to step forward I'm done. And I mean it. GOODBYE.")

and she's again changed her instagram bio line, this time to read "You got what you wanted. Don't come back. I'm over it. Stay away from me."

it genuinely sounds like something a person would leave before they went on a shooting spree. this woman needs to be locked away for a very long time. where even are her three kids??

Girl will be back to "loving" him again tomorrow.

But fk this is scary. I hope that she isn't that stupid and hurt innocent people.

[xx-kroww-xx]

small rant re: “I don’t read WIPs”

for those of you who refuse to read unfinished fics because you don’t want to be disappointed or want to read it all at once: I hope you realize that lack of engagement from readers during the process of posting is part of what kills WIPs.

Sure, I write for myself first and foremost, but the reason I write FANFIC is because I want to engage with the FAN COMMUNITY. I can’t speak for all authors, obviously, but getting comments—and not just praise, but questions, thoughts, stream of consciousness rambles—are what keep me going as a writer. I want to hear what you think, and I want to talk about it. I try to respond to comments when at all possible, and every single non-hate comment makes my day. I’m sure someone out there is rolling their eyes and thinking this is just attention-seeking, but you know what? It is. Seeking attention and engagement from others is a critical part of our lives and it is not inherently bad. Part of being in a fan community is engaging with other fans—it’s the lifeblood of our community. Reblogging, replying, tagging, commenting, are all what fandom runs on.

And that includes WIPs. The logic is simple. If you want a fic to be finished? TELL THE AUTHOR THAT YOU LIKE IT. Getting that feedback makes it INFINITELY more likely that the author will be motivated to do so. Read, comment, ask questions if you have them. Doesn’t have to be anything fancy. A simple “I liked it!” goes a LONG way. I can’t overstate how important this is if you want authors to continue writing. Sure, some authors write out an entire longfic before they start posting, and that’s fine. But that’s not how everyone operates.

Imagine if an artist posted a sketch and got zero engagement because everyone who saw it thought “oh, I’m waiting for it to be finished” before reblogging or commenting. The artist might conclude that their piece wasn’t good or popular and simply scrap the whole thing. Sure, you could say that’s a lack of intrinsic motivation, but my point is that it doesn’t feel good to put something out there and get no response. Imagine putting on a performance and hearing nothing but crickets from the audience. You’d probably be confused, and a little upset. You’d wonder what they were thinking. Did they think it was so bad it wasn’t even worth engaging with? Feedback is a critical part of making art of any type—drawing, writing, performing, or otherwise.

Art is a social process. We write fics because we want people to read them. We write fics as a way of engaging with other fans. If you like a fic’s concept but won’t read it because it’s unfinished, you’re shooting yourself in the foot and making it that much less likely that it will actually be finished.

I’m not saying this to guilt anyone. You’re not obligated to read or comment on fics if you don’t want to. You’re not obligated to do anything. But fandom runs on engagement, and if you want to keep that alive, it’s important to participate.

[saetoru]

#𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐑𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐍

☰ SYNOPSIS ⋮ it’s his best friends big day, and your first real encounter with geto suguru, but gojo insists suguru won’t notice if you disappear for just a little while

five places rb! gojo shouldn’t fuck you series

pairing ⋮ rich boy! gojo x reader

length ⋮ 3.3k words

contents ⋮ nsfw 18+, fem! reader, college au, rich boy! gojo, needy gojo, fingering, cunnilingus, edging, hand jobs, unprotected sex, clothed sex, clit slapping, creampie

notes ⋮ well this was supposed to be posted in the day but now it is 2 am jdshdgf. thank you to my lover boy scout for beta reading i adore you <33

gojo satoru is spoiled—painfully so.

which is to be expected given his upbringing, and it’s not as though you don’t already know it—you just haven’t been made aware that you’ve also been a part of the problem until now. you don’t realize just how often you give into him until you have to say no.

and he’s rather good at getting what he wants—with his lips curled in a convincing pout, wide blue eyes that stare at you innocently, large hands roaming your sides as they gently rub up and down the expanse of your hips. you should be firm, you should be reminding him he can’t always have something just because he asks, but it starts to hit you that maybe you’re just as bad when it comes to spoiling him.

and if he’s rather good at getting what he wants, he’s especially good when he wants you.

“satoru, we’re at your best friend’s birthday—”

“but suguru has so many spare rooms—”

“no,” you hiss, making his lips pout even further.

gojo satoru is also insatiable. just when you think he’s had enough, it seems to never be enough. he always wants more. you think there should be exceptions to that fact, like being in the wrong time and the wrong place perhaps, but you've been proven wrong time and time again (as you always are when it comes to him.)

“he won’t even notice we’re gone,” he whines, hands trailing down to grab your ass. you swat his hands away and glare, sighing and pinching the bridge of your nose in irritation when a few people snicker as they walk past you. 

“satoru—”

“that’s toru to you,” he corrects, glaring at you. 

you almost forget he’s also a bastard. 

“toru, now is a horrible time,” you scold, “this is my first time meeting suguru—i even got a new dress for this party, see?” you gesture at the (expensive) dress you’re wearing, which seems to only do the opposite of what you hoped. he only stares at you up and down, eyes lingering on your curves as they turn a shade darker—a shade you’re all too familiar with as his orbs gloss over with lust. his hands firmly give your waist a squeeze, and as his resolve only hardens, you find yours slowly crumbling.

“you never get new dresses for me,” he complains, tugging you closer by the hips. 

by now, you’ve gotten used to the burning stares of people in the distance when your boyfriend insists on being difficult, but what you don’t expect is a smooth chuckle from behind you as a tall figure with dark hair approaches you. 

“jealous she got all dolled up for me, satoru?” geto teases, making gojo huff as he pulls you flush against his chest. 

“she didn’t dress up for you,” he scowls, “she dressed up for me. right, baby?” he looks at you hopefully, smiling at you as if he expects you to pick his side.

“no, i dressed up for myself,” you roll your eyes. 

“that’s right,” gojo agrees instantly, nodding seriously as he speaks, “she dresses up for no one but herself. but sometimes for me too,” he adds the last part with a smug grin, making you purse your lips and geto roll his eyes in amusement. 

sometimes, you seem to also forget that gojo satoru is shameless too. 

“well, you almost said the right thing,” geto snorts, making you crack a smile as you chuckle, “you at least get points for effort.” and for what feels like the millionth time in the last ten minutes, gojo shoots you a pout as you join in with his best friend’s teasing. 

“he’s trying his best,” you giggle, gesturing at gojo with one hand, the other laying flat against his sturdy chest, “he’s not the brightest.”

“no he’s not,” geto laughs softly. you watch as he gently bumps his fist at gojo’s shoulder, and you take in the soft smile that blooms across your boyfriend’s lips. 

it’s rare to see gojo this carefree when he’s not in private—you’re used to his smug attitude and witty jeers, used to seeing the carefully built exterior that makes him gojo. but he’s always been satoru when he’s with you, and he seems to be satoru when he’s with geto too.

you decide you like geto suguru—decide that maybe, just like gojo, he’s not so bad for someone you’ve always deemed a privileged snob. 

“baby, why would you pick his side? you’re suppos—”

“happy birthday, by the way,” you turn to geto, interrupting gojo (and ignoring his protests about not listening to him), “toru’s told me a lot about you.” geto’s eyes seem to soften some before he shoots gojo a smug look. 

“i gotta hear everything toru’s said,” he grins, “i’ll be back after i greet all the guests.” with a polite smile to you and a firm clasp to gojo’s shoulder as he pats his back, he’s off—and as soon as he’s out of earshot, your earlier headache returns. 

“see? he’s gone,” gojo whines, “baby, please? you look so pretty, i just gotta have you,” he whispers huskily against your ear, sending shivers down your spine at the low rumble of his voice against your skin. you let out a shaky breath, pretending not to notice the thumbs that rub circles into your hips and the warm breath that fans against your skin.

but something tells you gojo is well aware that he just about has you where he wants you. 

“baby, you can have me as soon as we’re home,” you press a lingering kiss to his jaw, and it’s meant to soothe him, meant to convince him against his very inappropriately timed request—but you both know your lips pressing into him like that only further riles him up.

and perhaps you too, even if you don’t want to admit it. 

“please,” he bats his lashes—and gojo satoru has dangerous eyes. they’re all too alluring, pulling you to the depths of the ocean until it’s too late not to drown in them. “i promise this’ll be the only time,” he murmurs, pressing soft pecks along your jaw before he meets your gaze once more. 

you look into his eyes, and suddenly, you’re pulled in deep—not one chance of survival. 

“you’re a liar,” you breathe, but he smirks when he hears the need in your own voice. 

“ah, well…i guess you got me,” he chuckles. “can’t expect a man to resist all this,” he says lowly, hands rubbing up and down your sides again, making the room close in on you as your breath seems to become more labored, “that’s too cruel.”

finally, the last thread to your composure snaps as you grip his shirt with your fist, sighing deeply before meeting his eyes. they’re smug—like they know what you’ve decided long before you have, and they almost make you want to rethink your decision. maybe you would if it wasn’t for the dull ache spreading between your legs. 

“it can’t be anywhere people can find us,” you warn. his eyes turn a shade darker almost instantly as he nods. 

“done,” he says smugly, like it’s too simple of a request. “i know just the place. it’ll be perfect.”

————————————————

evidently, the “perfect” place in question is geto’s own bedroom. your jaw drops as soon as you step in, turning to gojo to protest, only to have two strong arms guide you to the bed, your back falling against the soft mattress with a thud as he hovers over you. 

“t-toru,” you stutter, trying to ignore the soft nips at your neck as his lips map your skin. “are you crazy? we can’t do this here,” you say in disbelief. 

“why not?” he shrugs, hiking your dress up your legs, letting it bunch up above your hips. “no one’s gonna interrupt us here,” he purs, kiss after kiss pressing into your jaw, down your neck, along your collarbones and stopping just at the swell of your breasts. 

“but this is…this is his room…we sh-shouldn’t—”

“shh, sweetheart,” he murmurs, “you think too much.” his finger runs along your slit through your underwear, and a cocky grin paints his features as he feels the wetness through the fabric. “excited, huh?” he wriggles his brows.

“we haven’t got all day,” you hiss, rolling your hips to press against his hand for more pressure. chuckling deeply, he pulls you into a heated kiss, lips molding against yours as his tongue tastes you. you moan against his mouth, and he feels his pants tighten at the sound. 

“gonna fuck you in this dress,” he hums, “did you pick this color for me?” he raises a brow, admiring the bright blue of the silk, large hands gripping your thighs before wrenching them further apart. gasping, you whine in protest. 

“toru, this dress is expensive, you have to take it off so—”

“i’ll be careful,” he protests, making you click your teeth in irritation. 

“you’re never careful with anything,” you huff, cheeks puffed up and lips curled in a cute little pout that makes him grin. chuckling, he leans down and presses a trail of kisses along your inner thigh, grinning to himself smugly as you shiver from the attention. 

“i will be,” he insists, “and if i’m not, i’ll buy you another one. buy you as many as you like if i get to keep doing this,” he grins. you don’t have another chance to protest, too busy waiting, hoping for his next move as you feel the familiar ache build in your heat. “that’s it,” he smirks, fingers slowly hooking around your underwear and inching it down your legs. you whimper when he presses a soft kiss to your clit, feeling it throb from just the slightest attention. “you just keep arguing and arguing, but you want it just as bad,” he grins up at you.

you click your teeth, scowling at him—and you’re stubborn, always have been. but gojo thinks he wants you like this, still as stubborn as the day he met you.

“if you don’t do something, i can just do it myse—fuck, toru,” you mewl, interrupting yourself as his fingers sink past your folds, curling into your spot just right. his lips attach themselves to your clit, sucking slowly, tongue lapping at you as you whine while your fingers curl into the soft sheets under you, head sinking into the plush of the pillows.

“taste just as sweet as i remember,” he groans, tongue slowly fucking into you, your slick covering his chin as he sloppily makes out with your pussy. gojo has always had a rather sweeth tooth, and he’s always hungry. he hikes a leg over his shoulder for better access, a warm hand running up and down your leg soothingly as you gasp, grunting happily when your fingers move to thread through his locks and tug at the roots.

“toru, toru—fuck,” you chant, grinding your hips to get more friction from his tongue, “feels good, k-keep going.” almost as if to spite you, he pulls away, snickering as you stare at him incredulously.

“you have any idea how loud you’re being?” he asks smugly, thumb trailing to find your clit, rubbing circles over it as you grit your teeth and glare at him. he’s too smug, too ignited by the idea of pushing your buttons as he shoots you a cheeky grin.

you suppose some things were never meant to change.

“satoru—”

“ah-ah, sweetheart,” he tuts, “it’s toru, remember? you always seem to forget that.”

“toru, quit it,” you whine, “please i need it,” you insist, pouting down at him. it mirrors the look he gave you earlier, needy and so, so desperate. all traces of pride leaves your brain when you feel his fingers tease your slit and rub along your entrance, just barely sliding into you before pulling away. you whimper at the throb between your legs as the slow build-up to your climax from earlier dies down.

“knew you wanted it as bad as me,” he chuckles lowly, fingers sinking into your heat once more, fucking into you relentlessly all too suddenly as his tongue glides along your clit back and forth, making you mewl as your thighs quiver. “always act like you’re so responsible, but you’re just my needy little baby.”

you let out a loud moan—dangerously so, and if you weren’t so close to your high, you’d be mortified that he was right earlier. you are being loud.

“gonna cum—fuck ‘m gonna cum, toru,” you sob, thighs squeezing around his head and caging him against your cunt. 

“yeah? so soon? ‘s gotta be a new record, baby,” he groans against you, the vibrations of his voice making you gasp, and suddenly everything’s turned white—you let out a shrill squeal as you cum, feeling his fingers thrust into you roughly as your walls spasm around him.

your thighs are shaking over his shoulders as he continues to suck on your clit—right until you whine and buck your hips to try and move away from his hungry lips. he finally pulls away, a satisfied grin on his face as he wipes the slick and drool from his chin with a very expensive shirt sleeve.

“someone has to be responsible,” you scoff, “look at you. you are so irresponsible,” you chide, eyeing the newly damp spot on his sleeve.

“we’re fucking on my best friend’s bed,” he snorts, “i think we’ve established that.”

he moves back up to hover over you, and you stare down at the tent in his pants, noticing the slight wet patch that’s starting to form from the pre cum, making your hand reach to palm him through the fabric. the reaction is instantaneous—and it’s satisfying, really, to make gojo shut up for once. 

especially when he lets out a soft whine at the slightest touch from you.

“fuck, baby,” he gasps, “need you so bad. been driving me insane all night.” his hips roll to grind against your hand, chasing more friction as his pants get more ragged, shaky moans ringing against your ear as he buries his face into your neck.

“who’s needy now,” you grin, squeezing around the outline of his cock, giggling when he lets out a strangled groan. “you’re about to cum in your pants.” growling, he glares at you, but his movements don’t falter for even a second.

“i’m the one who wanted this,” he reminds you, huffing slightly before cutting himself off with a surprised grunt when your hand sneaks past his waistband and frees his cock. he hisses as the cool air hits him, shuddering with a soft whine as your thumb smears the pre cum leaking from his slit around his tip. “unlike someone, i know what i want.”

you roll your eyes as you stroke him slowly—just as slowly as he teased you earlier, and he gifts you with a needy whimper.

“more,” he rasps, “god, fuck baby, i need more. please.” with a soft kiss to the side of his head, your hand squeezes around him tighter, stroking his thick length sloppily before guiding him to your entrance. he’s pulsing, hot and heavy in your hand as you rub his tip against your wet folds and feel his cock twitch as you shudder at the sensation of him grinding against your clit.

“then take it,” you murmur against the shell of his ear.

and he does—he doesn’t waste a single second before his cock sinks into you, curving along your walls perfectly as his tip presses against your sweet spot. you both moan at the intrusion, your chests touching and nipples grazing through the fabrics of your clothes.

“s-sweetheart,” he gasps shakily, “so tight, fuck you always feel so good.” 

“s-satoru,” you whimper, clutching onto his shirt, fisting it tightly in your hand as he bullies his fat tip deep into you with each snap of his hips. you feel his hair dampen with sweat as it brushes against the skin of your neck, walls clamping down on him tighter with every raspy moan he lets out as he burrows his face deeper into your shoulder.

“so good,” he mumbles, “feel this?” he growls, cock slamming into you as he rolls his hips harder, hands grasping your hips with an almost bruising grip. “anybody ever fuck you like this? make you feel this good?”

you don’t answer save for the choked sob you let out as his thumb rolls over your clit once more. 

“answer me,” he demands, hand leaving a warning slap against your clit, making your back arch off the mattress as you whine. “anyone else ever fuck you like me? or am i the only one?”

“you, jus’ you, toru,” you slur, “only ever you.” 

“‘s right,” he rasps, breath coming out in labored pants as his hips take a sloppier rhythm, balls slapping against your ass as your legs wrap tightly around his waist. moaning wantonly, his thumb rubs harshly at your clit once more to get you closer to your peak, feeling his own approach. “this pussy was made for me—never gonna feel anyone fuck you as full as me,” he reminds you, voice breaking off into a soft whine as he feels your clamp down on him. 

“close—‘m close,” you babble, chanting his name as your nails dig into his shoulder through his shirt. “gonna cum again, toru. p-please.”

“go ahead baby,” he pants, “cum for me, sweetheart.” your second orgasm crashes over you in tidal waves, body pressing up against his as your walls flutter around him tightly. you let out a muffled scream as his lips press onto yours in a messy kiss, drinking in your moans. 

with a few more snaps of his hips, his face falls to your chest, your hands cradling his head as he ruts his hips into your abused cunt, riding out his own high. you feel his cock twitch with each rope of cum, painting your walls white with thick spurts. 

“sh-shit, baby—that’s it. y-you’re something else, sweetheart,” he mumbles incoherently, feeling his cock throb with pleasure as he finishes. “can’t…can’t ever get enough of you.”

with a few last pumps of his hips, he collapses over you with a low groan, panting erratically along with you as you both catch your breaths. your hand moves to stroke through his sweaty locks, scratching weakly at his scalp as he presses hot, open-mouthed kisses to the exposed skin of your chest. 

“suguru’s gonna know we were in here,” you groan woefully, feeling gojo’s arms snake around your body as he flips you both over to lay your head on his chest. 

“yeah, so? he’s fucked plenty of girls in my room,” gojo shrugs. you make a face, glaring up at him in disgust. 

“and we sleep on that bed? where other naked girls have been?” smirking, gojo boops your nose before pressing a delicate kiss to your forehead. 

“i replaced the sheets.”

“not good enough,” you mutter through a pout. you shuffle to lay closer to him—until you feel something sticky leak down your thigh before you register damp cloth against your skin. “toru,” you gasp, slapping his chest, making him jump slightly at your outburst. 

“what?”

“my dress,” you scowl, “you ruined it.” 

and when he chuckles, simply collapsing against the mattress again as he pulls you closer, you think to yourself that perhaps you’ve spoiled gojo one too many times. 

“s’ok,” he chuckles, “told you i’d buy you another. a nicer one too, okay?”

“i liked this one,” you sulk. “i’m never letting you rope me into something like this again.”

“yeah?” he challenges, staring down at you with a smug look on his face—one that tells you he knows you a lot better than you think. “we’ll see, sweetheart. you seemed to enjoy yourself.”

“i’d say you both seemed to have enjoyed yourselves,” you hear an unimpressed voice say, making both of your heads shoot up in shock to meet geto’s pursed lips as he stands by the door with crossed arms. 

© sakusins do not plagiarize, repost, translate to other sites, or recommend on platforms outside tumblr such as tik tok

[sylvielauffeydottir]

Hello, it is I, your friendly neighborhood historian. I am ready to lose followers for this post, but I have two masters degrees in history and one of my focuses has been middle eastern area studies. Furthermore, I’ve been tired of watching the world be reduced to pithy little infographics, and I believe there is no point to my education if I don’t put it to good use. Finally, I am ethnically Asheknazi Jewish. This does not color my opinion in this post — I am in support of either a one or two state solution for Israel and Palestine, depending on the factors determined by the Palestinian Authority, and the Israeli Government does not speak for me. I hate Netanyahu. A lot. With that said, my family was slaughtered at Auschwitz-Birkenau. I have stood in front of that memorial wall at the Holocaust memorial in DC for my great uncle Simon and my great uncle Louis and cried as I lit a candle. Louis was a rabbi, and he preached mitzvot and tolerance. He died anyway. 

There’s a great many things I want to say about what is happening in the Middle East right now, but let’s start with some facts. 

In early May, there were talks of a coalition government that might have put together (among other parties, the Knesset is absolutely gigantic and usually has about 11-13 political parties at once) the Yesh Atid, a center-left party, and the United Arab List, a Palestinian party. For the first time, Palestinians would have been members of the Israeli government in their own right. And what happened, all of the sudden? A war broke out. A war that, amazingly, seemed to shield Benjamin Netanyahu from criminal prosecution, despite the fact that he has been under investigation for corruption for some time now and the only thing that is stopping a real investigation is the fact that he is Prime Minister.

Funny how that happened. 

There’s a second thing people ought to know, and it is about Hamas. I’ve found it really disturbing to see people defending Hamas on a world stage because, whether or not people want to believe it, Hamas is a terrorist organization. I’m sorry, but it is. Those are the facts. I’m not being a right wing extremist or even a Republican or whatever else or want to lob at me here. I’m a liberal historian with some facts. They are a terrorist organization, and they don’t care if their people die. 

Here’s what you need to know: 

There are two governments for the occupied Palestinian territories in the West Bank and Gaza. In April 2021, Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas postponed planned elections. He said it was because of a dispute amid Israeli-annexed East Jerusalum. He is 85 years old, and his Fatah Party is losing power to Hamas. Everyone knows that. Palestinians know that. 

Here’s the thing about Hamas: they might be terrorists, but aren’t idiots. They understand that they have a frustrated population filled with people who have been brutalized by their neighbors. And they also understand that Israel has something called the iron dome defense system, which means that if you throw a rocket at it, it probably won’t kill anyone (though there have been people in Israel who died, including Holocaust survivors). Israel will, however, retaliate, and when they do, they will kill Palestinian civilians. On a world stage, this looks horrible. The death toll, because Palestinians don’t have the same defense system, is always skewed. Should the Israeli government do that? No. It’s morally repugnant. It’s wrong. It’s unfair. It’s hurting people without the capability to defend themselves. But is Hamas counting on them to for the propaganda? Yeah. Absolutely. They’re literally willing to kill their other people for it.

You know why this works for Hamas? They know that Israel will respond anyway, despite the moral concerns. And if you’re curious why, you can read some books on the matter (Six Days of War by Michael Oren; The Yom Kippur War by Abraham Rabinovich; Rise and Kill First by Ronen Bergmen; Antisemitism by Deborah Lipstadt; and Israel: A Concise History of a Nation Reborn by Daniel Gordis). The TL;DR, if you aren’t interested in homework, is that Israel believes they have no choice but to defend themselves against what they consider ‘hostile powers.’ And it’s almost entirely to do with the Holocaust. It’s a little David v Goliath. It is, dare I say, complicated.

I’m barely scratching the surface here. 

(We won’t get into this in this post, though if you want to DM me for details, it might be worth knowing that Iran funds Hamas and basically supplies them with all of their weapons, and part of the reason the United States has been so reluctant to engage with this conflict is that Iran is currently in Vienna trying to restore its nuclear deal with western powers. The USA cannot afford to piss off Iran right now, and therefore cannot afford to aggravative Hamas and also needs to rely on Israel to destroy Irani nuclear facilities if the deal goes south. So, you know, there is that).

There are some people who will tell you that criticism of the Israel government is antisemitic. They are almost entirely members of the right wing, evangelical community, and they don’t speak for the Jewish community. The majority of Jewish people and Jewish Americans in particular are criticizing the Israeli government right now. The majority of Jewish people in the diaspora and in Israel support Palestinian rights and are speaking out about it. And actually, when they talk about it, they are putting themselves in great danger to do so. Because it really isn’t safe to be visibly Jewish right now. People may not want to listen to Jews when they speak about antisemitism or may want to believe that antisemitism ‘isn’t real’ because ‘the Holocaust is over’ but that is absolutely untrue. In 2019, antisemitic hate crimes in the United States reached a high we have never seen before. I remember that, because I was living in London, and I was super scared for my family at the time. Since then, that number has increased by nearly 400% in the last ten days. If you don’t believe me, have some articles about it (one, two, three, four, and five, to name a few). 

I live in New York City, where a man was beaten in Time Square while attending a Free Palestine rally and wearing a kippah. I’m sorry, but being visibly Jewish near a pro-Palestine rally? That was enough to have a bunch of people just start beating on him? I made a previous post detailing how there are Jews being attacked all over the world, and there is a very good timeline of recent hate crimes against Jews that you can find right here. These are Jews, by the way, who have nothing to do with Israel or Palestine. They are Americans or Europeans or Canadians who are living their lives. In some cases, they are at pro-Palestine rallies and they are trying to help, but they just look visibly Jewish.  God Forbid we are the wrong ethnicity for your rally, even if we agree.

This is really serious. There are people calling for the death of all Jews. There are people calling for another Holocaust. 

There are 14 million Jews in the world. 14 million. Of 7.6 billion. And you think it isn’t a problem the way people treat us?

Anyway (aside from, you know, compassion), why does this matter? This matters because stuff like this deters Jews who want to be part of the pro-Palestine movement because they are literally scared for their safety. I said this before, and I will say it again: Zionism was, historically speaking, a very unpopular opinion. It was only widespread antisemitic violence (you know, the Holocaust) that made Jews believe there was a necessity for a Jewish state. Honestly, it wasn’t until the Pittsburgh synagogue shooting that I supported it the abstract idea too.

I grew up in New York City, I am a liberal Jew, and I believe in the rights of marginalized and oppressed people to self-determine worldwide. Growing up, I also fit the profile of what many scholars describe as the self hating Jew, because I believed that, in order to justify myself in American liberal society, I had to hate Israel, and I had to be anti-Zionist by default, even if I didn’t always understand what ‘Zionism’ meant in abstract. Well, I am 27 years old now with two masters degrees in history, and here is what Zionism means to me: I hate the Israeli government. They do not speak for me. But I am not anti-Zionist. I believe in the necessity for a Jewish state — a state where all Jews are welcome, regardless of their background, regardless of their nationality. 

There needs to be a place where Jews, an ethnic minority who are unwelcome in nearly every state in the world, have a place where they are free from persecution — a place where they feel protected. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with that place being the place where Jews are ethnically indigenous to. Because believe it or not, whether it is inconvenient, Jews are indigenous to the land of Israel. I’ve addressed this in this post.

With that said, that doesn’t mean you can kick the Palestinian people out. They are also indigenous to that land, which is addressed in the same post, if you don’t trust me. 

What is incredible to me is that Zionism is defined, by the Oxford English Dixtionary, as “A movement [that called originally for] the reestablishment of a Jewish nationhood in Palestine, and [since 1948] the development of the State of Israel.” Whether we agree with this or not, there were early disagreements about the location of a ‘Jewish state,’ and some, like Maurice de Hirsch, believed it ought to be located in South America, for example. Others believed it should be located in Africa. The point is that the original plans for the Jewish state were about safety. The plan changed because Jews wanted to return to their homeland, the largest project of decolonization and indigenous reclamation ever to be undertaken by an indigenous group. Whether you want to hear that or not, it is true. Read a book or two. Then you might know what I mean.

When people say this is a complicated issue, they aren’t being facetious. They aren’t trying to obfuscate the point. They often aren’t even trying to defend the Israeli government, because I certainly am not — I think they are abhorrent. But there is no future in the Middle East if the Israelis and Palestinians don’t form a state that has an equal right of return and recognizes both of their indigenousness, and that will never happen if people can’t stop throwing vitriolic rhetoric around.  Is the Israeli Government bad? Yes. Are Israeli citizens bad? Largely, no. They want to defend their families, and they want to defend their people. This is basically the same as the fact that Palestinian people aren’t bad, though Hamas often is. And for the love of god, stop defending terrorist organizations. Just stop. They kill their own people for their own power and for their own benefit. 

And yes, one more time, the Israeli government is so, so, so wrong. But god, think about your words, and think about how you are enabling Nazis. The rhetoric the left is using is hurting Jews. I am afraid to leave my house. I’m afraid to identify as Jewish on tumblr. I’m afraid for my family, afraid for my friends. People I know are afraid for me. 

It’s 2021. I am not my great uncle. I cried for him, but I shouldn’t have to die like him. 

Words have consequences. Language has consequences. And genuinely, I do not think everyone is a bad person, so think about what you are putting into the world, because you’d be surprised how often you are doing a Nazi a favor or two. 

Is that really what you want? To do a Nazi a favor or two? I don’t think that you do. I hope you don’t, at least.

That’s all. You know, five thousand words later. But uh, think a little. Please. 

[diaday333]

Hello! I’m back from my little break, but I bet you didn’t even know teehee. Today’s topic is…. (Drumroll please)… What Mitski song describes you? I mean, who doesn't love Mitski? Her music is honestly iconic. I throughly enjoyed doing the Neighbourhood post, so I decided to another one of my favorite artists. What's your favorite Mitski song? I think mine is either Nobody or Me and my husband. Ok and just like the Neighbourhood post, the album you pick doesn't mean that your pile will have a song in the album and this reading will be spilt into your life, your personality, and you in your truest form, except I'm gonna add something which will be how are you presenting yourself now.

To pick a pile, take a deep breath, relax, and pick an album cover.

Warning ! Warning! Remember, tarot readings are not the end all be all. So if there is something that you don't like or if it doesn't resonate, don't take it! Second, don't take tarot readings as replacement for professional advice, I beg of you. Finally, I'm dyslexic, so if something is... Off, either call it out or ignore it and move on with your life-respectfully.

Also, if you enjoy my readings and you want to, you could donate and support me! I would appreciate it a lot!

My cashapp ||| My Kofi

Pile one

Your life: brand new city

Some lines that stand out

-I think my heart is ready to die

-Honey look at me

-I think the ground is pulling me down

-And teach myself how to die.

Ok I know that that they lyrics do look morbid, but it’s not like that. I’m getting that life had it’s go at you. You’ve definitely have been through a lot, but you don’t let it get you down. You might actually look back at with a sense of dark humor. You may think that life is just passing you by and you don’t think that you’re doing anything meaningful. I’m thinking that there is a person that maybe broke you heart. It doesn’t have to be a romantic partner, it could be a friend or a parent/guardian. For some of you, you could’ve just recently lost a loved one.

Your personality: townie

Some lines that stand out

- And I want a love that falls as fast

- I want a kiss like my heart is hitting the ground.

- And change, change, change is gonna come, but when, when, when

I’m getting that you are a confident person. You have a very loving personality. You are a very tough person. You are the warrior of your life. You stand up for yourself and don’t let people take advantage you. You try to keep a positive mindset, but it can be hard for you. You seem like the type of person who’s always in a relationship or always wants to be (nothing wrong with that).

How are you presenting now: Pearl driver

- Dive, dive, deeper

- But hunter, you were human, don’t forget it and go safely

- And, I, I’ll live without you, though the struggle will be daily

Right now you could be doing shadow work, healing, and/or going to therapy. You’re admitting when you’re wrong and learning from your mistakes. You could be feeling like you’re stuck in a sort of “limbo” phase. Though I think that you were the type of person to stand up for yourself, I think that you’re getting even better at it. You’re breaking bad habits especially bad love habits.

You in truest form: working for the knife

- but I’m working for the knife

- I start the day high and it ends so low

- Now at 29, the road ahead appears the same

-I always the thought the choice was mine and I was right, but I just chose wrong

You in your truest form will not be afraid to admit when they are wrong. You will also be fine with not knowing what is going to happen. You in your truest form will not be afraid to let relationships go. You won’t care about pleasing anyone or making people like you.

Pile two

Your life: last words of a shooting star

Lines that stand out

- And I am relieved that I’d left my room tidy

- They’ll never know how I’d stared at the dark in that room

- And you’d say you love me and look in my eyes but I know through mine you were looking in yours

- I always wanted to die clean and pretty

Growing up you were always told that you needed to behave and look a certain way. You could’ve grown up with narcissistic guardians or guardians that wanted to live through you and you really struggled to give through that. You may have also struggled with distancing yourself from this people as you got older. Like even though you know it would be best, you love them too much. It could also be that you grew up in a less than accepting family and you had to hide you were. Now that you’re older, you can start to be yourself.

Your personality: First love/late spring

-lately I’ve been crying like a tall child

- please don’t say you love me

- And I was so young when I behaved 25

- one word from you and I would jump off this ledge I’m on baby

You could be a person who is not very trusting. You have a hard time letting people in and you build walls around yourself. You’re the type of person to smile through the pain and pretend like everything is ok. You tend to not care what people say about you. No offense, but you’re the type of person to get mad when someone complains about their childhood or problems because you think that they don’t have it as bad as you. You may do this subconsciously. There’s nothing wrong with that, but when you get these thoughts, catch yourself and realize that everyone’s problems are valid. You could also be the type of person to push people away.

How are you presenting now: me and my husband

- and then I’ll be nothing forever

- so I bet all I have on that furrowed brow

- but when he walks in, I am loved, I am loved

You could have just met a new person and you are investing all of your energy into this new relationship. You kinda of just sit around and wait for things to happen instead of making them happen. Instead of investing all of your energy into other people, you need to start investing it in yourself. There’s nothing wrong with putting energy into your relationships, but you need to balance it out.

You in your truest form: I will

- I will take good care of you

- there’s no need to be brave

- cause all I ever wanted is here

You in your truest form will put yourself first and take care of yourself first. You will be able to be comfortable with yourself and know that your home is with you. You will not be so guarded and afraid of getting hurt. You will know how to love unconditionally both yourself and others. You will let people shower with you love and you will not push them away. You’ll love yourself first. And I’m not saying that you have to completely love yourself to love others and actually find good people for you will help you love yourself.

Pile three

Your life: fireworks

Lines that stand out

- and when I find that a knife sticking out of my side, I’ll pull it out without questioning why

- I will be married to silence

- I’ll hear fireworks outside, and I’ll listen to the memories as they cry, cry, cry

You enjoy having peace and quiet. You’ve always preferred being alone and getting away from people. You’ve always had a hard time expressing your emotions. You also could’ve been bullied before or have had people against you and you feel like that has made you strong. Though you may not like to admit it, you could be a romantic at heart. In the past, you could’ve had friends that turned on you for no reason or that were toxic.

Your personality: jobless Monday

- oh, I miss when we first met, he didn’t know me yet

- makes no difference where we’ll be

- But please under the light of day

You always had a hard time getting to know people. You’re the type of person who thinks that they don’t need anyone. You’re not the type of person who gives second chances and you also might be more pessimistic. You also might enjoy traveling and have always wanted to get away. Though may not think that you don’t need anyone, you have always wanted that special person in your corner. You always have felt like you don’t fit in with how your supposed to act.

How are you presenting now: fireworks (again)

Uh I don’t think there is a point to pick out lines haha

You’re presenting for very strongly. You don’t give up and you’re very resilient. “It’s over when it’s over” is your motto right now. You know that there’s no escaping your issues and others issues so you go through it all. If you’re not mentally not doing well, but you should always to rest mentally when you can and take care of your mental health. You have a hard time trusting especially in relationships. Whoever hurt in your past really left a bad mark on your life and mind. Though it may be hard, the only way to heal is to let it go and forgive, so you can move on and be happy. Though it’s weird to say, you’re too strong for your own good. You don’t deal properly with your emotions because you say you’re “strong” but you don’t have to be. It’s ok to feel your emotions and not be strong all the time. You don’t have to push everyone away in fear that they will hurt you, it’s ok to trust again.

Shhh, don’t tell the other piles, but I’m gonna give y’all some extra advice: you need to spend some more time looking within. You also need to take a reality check, is that person really not trust worthy or are you being paranoid. Follow your intuition.

You in your truest form: working for the knife

- I guess ‘cause I wish I was making things too

- I always thought the choice was mine, and I was right, but I just chose wrong

Ok so you in your truest form would know that they are able to do whatever they want without making excuses and without needing anyone’s approval or validation. You would feel better about meeting people and not automatically not trusting them. You would able to find true love and friendship. You would start attracting them. You won’t be ashamed to show the world your true self.

Pile four

Your life: fireworks (wow this song is popping up A LOT. If you feel called to pile three, check it out)

Lines that stand out

- I’ll keep going to work and he won’t see a change, Save perhaps a slight gray in my eye

- and I’ll listen to the memories as they cry, cry, cry

- but you know, oh you know in the quiet he holds, runs a river that’ll never find home

For some of you, you were really praised as a kid for something that you were good at. Like sports, academics, etc. This made you feel like that people didn’t care about some of the other things that you were interested in. You could’ve also felt like that people didn’t care about how you felt. You might be the type of person who falls for someone very quickly.

Your personality: last words of a shooting star

- they’ll think of me kindly

- carefully I was going to live

- quietly it was told to believe

- I’ve always wanted to die clean and pretty

You’re a people pleaser and you only want people to think highly of you. You may have a hard time with differentiating friends from acquaintances. You also could be the type of person who gets irritated when people don’t do their share of work. You probably don’t like when people worry about you and you don’t like sharing your feelings.

How you’re presenting now: real men

(Also this song says nothing about your gender, dw)

- and real men suck it in

- little boys cry and look around for comfort

- and tell me, “well done girl, you’re looking good.”

- oh I’m gonna be a real man

So you are presenting as the type of person who seeks external validation and doesn’t show emotions in public. You always act calm, cool, and collected. If someone is unnecessarily rude or tries to walk all over you, you’ll just suck it in. You could be feeling every lonely right now. You try not to dream that much and stay in reality. Which is really sad btw,,, it’s never a bad thing to dream and actually it’s very important to have hopes and dreams. You try to be the very refined person. Instead of following your own dreams, you follow the dreams of other people or what people say is stable. Like say you wanted to be a musician growing up, but someone told you that you should be something more “stable” and be like a doctor instead. So that’s what you would do. But you need to listen to yourself and your heart and do what you want.

You in your truest form: heat Lightning

- though I’ve held on, cant carry it much longer

- so, I give it up to you, I hope that’s ok

- well I’ve held on but feel a storm approaching

- Can I give it up you? Would that be okay?

You in your truest form would be able to live out their dreams. You may have held on to other people’s expectations, but you’ll know that you don’t have to do that no longer. You’ll be able to speak to other people about how you feel and you’ll not feel like you’ve burdened them. You’ll be able to have intimate relationships with people. You would be able to ask for love you deserve and not settle for less. You would see the hope in the future. You wouldn’t forget all the good things out there in the “bad” moments.

Pile five

Your life: crack baby

Lines that stand out

- blank open eyes watch the moon flower bloom

- crack baby, you don’t know what you want

- but you know that you had it once and you know that you want it back

Ok so in your childhood you probably had people that invalidated your feelings. Because of this, you had a negative a perception of people and the world and you also thought you had to do it all by yourself. Despite this, you always try to be as loyal as possible to the people that are in your life. Also growing up and even now you may have been told that you were a lot better than others at certain things, so you may have gotten a big head,,, you may also be quite stubborn towards change and you accept things as they are.

Your personality: a pearl

- sorry I don’t want your touch

- it’s just that I fell in love with a war

- sorry I cant take your touch

- it’s not that I don’t want you

Ok so like I said in the life part, you probably have a very big ego. I also get that you’re very hardworking. Also, if you want to, you should check out pile 3 and 4. You’re very prideful. Some people might also call you arrogant. You’re very stubborn and won’t take no for an answer (not in the gross weird way, I hope,,, always ask for consent plz and respect it) I’m getting that you’re a very masculine energy which doesn’t mean that you have to identify as masculine, it’s just your energy. I also get you can be very intimidating.

How you’re presenting now: nobody

- And I don’t want your pity

- And I know no one will save me

- And still nobody wants me

You’re presenting as the type person who is very confident and knows what they are doing. You are also presenting as the person who doesn’t want love, help, and maybe even friends. Your probably not interested in finding a long time partner and are only interested in hookups. Though deep down you probably want to find someone to settle down with. You’re presenting as the type of person who is a “realist” or just basically a pessimist. You see things as the way they are and not as they could be. You’re not the type of person who gives out second chances.

Your truest form: first love/ late spring

- wild women don’t get the blues

- so please, hurry, leave me, I can’t breathe

- Tell me “don’t,” so I can crawl back in

While I get that you’re confident now, you’ll be more confident in things like talking about your feelings and stuff like that. You will be able to correctly express yourself in a healthy way and you’ll have healthy relationships. You’ll be more satisfied with your life. You’ll realize you’re the ruler of your life and no one can dictate that. You’ll be able to change even though it will feel uncomfortable but you’ll be ok with that. You’ll be able to see things as the could be and you won’t just accept and expect the worst.

Thank you so much for reading! And I hope you enjoyed this reading :) I hope you have a wonderful day, night, or evening

[rewatching-sam-and-dean]

The Pilot (Part 3 of 3)

So, this post will wrap up my Pilot episode commentaries, reviews … whatever they should be classified as. Again, thanks to everyone who checked out Part 1 and Part 2. This one took me ages because I ended up writing about the whole rest of the episode. And here I thought Part 2 took me a long time. But, for anyone who takes a minute to read this one, thank you. And please feel free to comment with what you liked best (or didn’t) about the Pilot.

[For anyone who might have seen this post already, I’m reposting since I needed to fix some things and Tumblr wasn’t cooperating.]

On the Road Again

(Alternate Title: Sam and Dean Brothering)

My commentary and more pic edits are under the cut …

THE CASE

ABOUT ME: Alight, so honesty time, I don’t really like horror. Yes, I watched the mainstream ones that came out in the theaters when I was in high school and university (Hello, Mr Padalecki in House of Wax), largely because it was something to go do with friends, but it’s certainly not a favorite genre of mine. I’ve never seen ones like The Exorcist and I don’t plan to. However, SPN, even in the early seasons is more like horror lite, but even then there are episodes I won’t watch while going to bed because I don’t want that crap swimming around my subconscious while I’m sleeping. But all that being said, I generally don’t mind the creep factor on the show, and I like some of the monsters, but the relationships, especially between Sam and Dean are what hooked me on the show. All this is just to explain why I generally probably won’t talk that much about the cases of the week unless they are very relevant to a plot arc or I really like/hate them.

THE MONSTER OF THE WEEK: Anyway, The Woman in White is a pretty decent first ghost to set up the show, and the case shows us what the Winchesters do when they hunt and what they know about the supernatural world. The MOTW gives us some classic horror tropes (the cheater gets killed, ghost kids are creepy as hell), and it sets up some classic SPN tropes (shooting ghosts and blood splats, anyone?). I think the ghost is sufficiently creepy. The case is fairly straightforward, but it’s not like I usually tune into the show for the mystery alone, so that’s fine with me. I think the effects are pretty decent for the ghost given when it was filmed, though the glitchy-ness makes it feel a little too much like computer effects, at times. Still, the only part that really stands out to me in a bad way is when the ghost kids zoom over to their ghost mother and … latch on to her? Whatever they are doing, it looks weird, to me, and kind of awkward, and it sort of takes me out of the moment. Overall though, I think the ghost and the first case are a good start to the show.

WORKING TOGETHER AGAIN

GETTING STARTED: When Sam and Dean first start working the case, we really start to see who they are as people and their dynamic. Surprising to no one who has watched the show, Jared and Jensen do a phenomenal job of selling Sam and Dean as siblings despite not looking much alike. Their frequent bickering and physicality paint a very convincing picture of siblings dynamics between people who grew up together. As someone with brothers myself, their teasing and the occasional smack feel on point to me.

When they get into the car, the show sets up how Dean and his Dad live and support themselves, as well as Sam's vague disdain for scamming credit cards. But one of the most classic of all SPN imagery and concepts is set up here with Dean as the driver, picking the music, with Sam riding shotgun. If this isn’t also a metaphor for a good portion of their relationship, I don’t know what is; Dean is the boss and Sam is expected to follow (except when he doesn’t). On a similar note, later in the episode, the irony of Dean calling Sam a control freak when Sam shoves his chair away from the computer is … phew. Dean, my friend, you are a black pot and Sam is your kettle. Anyway, not only does the way they act around each other, and play off of each other, more then sell them as brothers, it starts to reveal who they are.

Dean is a snarky smart-ass who clearly has little respect for authority (when it isn’t his dad), as he has no problem lying to or even mouthing-off to law enforcement. To him, they are civilians poking their noses into monster business, so he can’t be bothered to pretend to respect what they have to officer. Sam kicks Dean under the officer's sight line for his flippancy, and aside from being a classic sibling move, this suggests he has more respect for authority (when it isn’t his dad) and the law in particular (as a hopeful future lawyer, this is not a surprise) than Dean. It also shows he’s more cautious and less brash than Dean, not wanting to draw too much attention to themselves by being snarky or confrontational.

Besides starting to establish who our main characters are, this early part of the case starts to reveal the complexity of how Sam and Dean feel about each other. Clearly, there is a lot more volatile emotions simmering away than simple sibling rivalry. Sam seems to resent Dean siding with their dad over him, and both his dad and brother's for hunting and revenge. On the other hand, Dean is clearly not over Sam leaving (abandoning him, their dad and the mission) and is seemingly itching for a bit of a fight. All it takes is one statement from Sam about their mom being gone no matter what they do, for Dean to break. As I mentioned in (I think) my Part 1 discussion, this moment, paired with the introduction scenes with Mary, makes a lot of sense. Dean is pissed that Sam doesn’t seem to take the mission seriously enough, while Sam truly can’t remember her, so it’s impossible for him to feel the same connection to dad's mission of revenge as Dean. Despite growing up together, these boys clearly did not have entirely the same childhood experience (which of course, we will see more of later). Despite their tension, it’s also clear that these brothers care about each other and are comfortable together. They speak at the same time (jinx!), showing they are clearly in sync. They are both annoyed and amused by each other's teasing, especially Sam reluctantly smiling at Dean's snark. They sit so close that they’re practically on top of each other, which they definitely would not do if they didn’t like each other and weren’t comfortable with each other. And, they express their care for each other in their own (jerk-bitch) emotionally constipated way. The latter is especially true for Dean of the no chick-flick moments. Even after years apart, these guys clearly have a close bond, despite their issues.

DIVIDING AND CONQUERING

HOW THE WINCHESTERS WORK: Even when detained by the police, Dean, we see is holding true to his fearless and flippant persona as he gives the cop interrogating him little respect and a lot of attitude. We also find out a little more about Dean and John. They clearly think ahead, setting up systems for finding each other in the inevitability of them getting separated (the coordinates in the journal). This is something I love seeing in the show later with Sam and Dean, their code words and contingency plans. These are aspects of the characters that really make them feel real and competent, and I wish we got more of this throughout the seasons. When the officer gets called away, we also see that Dean is resourceful (hello, Clippy!), and can pick a lock.

Meanwhile, we see the first hints os Sam's true super power, puppy-dog eyes. Still, they must not be up to full power after years off the job, as the widower ends up storming off in an offended and guilty huff. Next, as it turns out, Sam was the one who called in the tip that cleared out station, giving Dean the opportunity to make his escape. I love that Sam does this for three particular reasons. First, it shows that he’s smart and resourceful, and, despite his desire to no longer be a part of the hunting life, thinking on his feet is clearly still very much a part of him. Secondly, and related to my first point, this move shows how he and a Dean are a team, even when separated. Sam knows that if he gets Dean an opportunity, he will find a way to use it and escape. Finally, this little move of essentially prank calling the cops, reveals more about Sam. Mr. Future Lawyer is not above breaking the rules if it means helping his brother. This confirms to us that Sam isn’t exactly the straight-laced guy he appears to be at the start of the episode.

A couple more things that stand out for me, while the brothers are on the phone, is how proud Dean clearly is of Sam fior making that call into the police (one of us! one of us!), and Sam is full on smiling while discussing his recent misdemeanor. Whether he likes it or not, a part of Sam enjoys this. He is having fun hunting, or at least hanging out with Dean, and Dean is loving having Sam back.

REUNITED FOR NOW

(But really, for the next 15 years, give or take a few separations)

BETTER TOGETHER: So, not-unsurprisingly, Sam gets attacked by the ghost. He is a faithful guy, which already seemed pretty clear from his vibe when he’s first introduced in the episode, but it’s nice to have confirmed. The ghost doesn’t care and basically sexually assaults him so that she’ll be justified in killing him. I mean … bad form, Constance. Dean shows up shooting her in the face, which distracts her just long enough (despite not being salt shells - is this when they get the idea to start using salt shells, I can’t recall?) for Sam to crash the impala into the house, effectively taking her home. So, Sam helped save Dean by giving him a chance to get out of custody, and Dean helps save Sam by distracting the ghost so Sam can bring her back to the house. I like how they both save each other, or give each other the opportunity to save themselves. This establishes that they are both capable alone but better when they work as a team.

So, besides my comments on the screen shots above, a few more things really stand out for me in the final parts of the episode. Sam, who just crashed a car into an abandoned house, was attacked by a ghost, and has now been threatened by his sibling, is again smiling. This weirdo is having a good time, and I love it. I keep pointing this out because I don’t think I fully noticed just how much Sam smiles in the Pilot when I watched it before, and a lot of the time it’s with Dean or just after breaking the law or being attacked. It really adds some interesting nuance to Sam, who is not simple the straight man, and informs his conflict over going back home.

Another thing that stands out to me here is just how desperately Dean wants Sam to stay with him. We can practically feel it through the screen. A part of him was clearly starting to hope that now that they found their groove again, Sam might just stay with him, that maybe he would blow off that law school interview after all. He is clearly crushed when Sam says he has to get back, and we pretty much see him scrambling to pull his armor back on to protect himself from Sam's rejection. It’s almost heartbreaking, which is a testament to Jensen's acting, as well his and Jared's chemistry and ability to make these guys seem real. In just about 45 minutes, we are invested in these characters and their relationship. Jared does a good job with Sam, too. We can clearly see his conflict; he did have fun hunting with Dean, it’s clear that he had missed Dean, and I think a part of him wants to stay with Dean. But Sam is stubborn, and more than that, he has built a new life for himself, a plan. Still, when he offers that olive branch when they’re saying goodbye, of him and Dean hanging out some time soon, I believe that he wants to, but I’m not sure if either of them believe it will happen. It’s actually sad to think they are going their separate ways, and we’re already rooting for them to stay together.

Finally, the episode comes full circle with Sam finding Jess on the ceiling (not pictured above because it just creeps me out, like with Mary), the fire, Dean saving him again by pulling him out of the fire, and Sam picking up his father's mantel of vengeance. At this point, Dean has been fully established in our eyes as Sam's protector, and Sam has been established as our doubly tragic hero who is now on his own mission for revenge.

FINAL THOUGHTS: One last thing that I forgot to mention above that I love about the Pilot is the humor that runs though it. It’s not uproariously funny or anything, but it has nice doses of humor throughout. A good amount of this comes from Dean who is established as a funny character, but funny moments also come from a lot of the brothers' interactions. Their squabbling and backhands, or digs on each other, add a nice bit of realism and lightness to what could otherwise be an unrelentingly dark episode. I love how this becomes an established part of the show later, I think starting especially in Season 2. In later seasons, though it does get a little too heavy handed for me on occasion. I think it’s ultimately a big part of what mane Supernatural different. That and Sam and Dean's general unhingedness regarding each other.

Regarding Jess, as much as I like her character and believe Sam would have eventually returned to hunting regardless, now that Dean is back in his life, I think it makes sense that she dies here, giving him that push. It gets them going on the hunt more quickly. Also, I read somewhere that the writers had toyed with having Jess be possessed. I’m truly glad they never went that route. I think it’s much more poignant that she was just a good person, who Sam loved. It’s more tragic, more painful him him to lose her as she is in the Pilot, and it’s ultimately a more pure relationship.

At the end of the episode, we are left with a lot of questions to speculate on, and even more that we want to find answers for. This, besides establishing the characters, is just about the most important thing a Pilot can do. It leaves us curious and wanting to know more. Would Sam have seen Dean again if Jess hadn’t died (yes)? Where is the dad? Why is he leaving them coordinates, instead of just calling or texting them? When are we going to see him again. What is going to happen to Sam now that he’s lost Jess in this way? What will this mean for the brother’s relationship going forward? What killed their mother and Jess? Why? What other kinds of scary crap are the boys going to come up against?

Will we find some of the answers in Season 1, Episode 2, Wendigo (I mean … mostly, no)?

Well, this ended up being way longer than I planned, so if you made it to the end, thank you so much for reading! Please feel free to comment or reblog with your thoughts on the episode!

To be Continued …

… in Wendigo, Part 1, coming soon-ish …