#so pls take everything I say with a pinch of salt
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tteokdoroki · 1 year ago
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hi my beloved angel could i pls request shinsou + ❛ you keep your hands where they are or i'll tie them up. ❜ :33
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☆༉ — HITOSHI SHINSOU: 0-800-HOT GUY-HOTLINE.
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line. ❛ you keep your hands where they are or i'll tie them up. ❜
extension. edging kink + fem!reader + nsfw.
things to note. for you my baby!! i hope u like heeem n that i characterised him well!!
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it’s not your fault, really. 
usually you’re so obedient and good when it comes to hitoshi — he takes care of your needs as long as you behave and listen to him. with him, you cum as many times as you want, cry as loud as you want and your boyfriend will always make sure that you’re satisfied by the end. you’re spoiled in a sense. but today, shinsou seems keen on undoing that narrative. 
you’ve lost count of how many hours he’s been going at this, fucking just the tip of his girth into you at a painstakingly slow rate — you’ve tried everything, throwing it back on him, your usual whining, even grovelling, but the hero won’t budge. each time, he runs a hand down your spine affectionately and cherishes the way that your whole body shivers at the contact — only whispering a short.
“be patient, angel,” he says in that low, commanding voice of his. “don’t you wanna be good for me?” 
and of course you do, you love hitoshi so much and he treats you so well. it’d only be right for you to trust him, let him abuse your runny little hole with the the fat, achingly hot tip of his dick until he’s the one that’s satisfied. he pushes his hips forward, only just, breaching your gushing walls with hardly any resistance because you’re so wet from being teased but being spoiled all the time breeds bad habits and keeping you on the very edge of cumming like this. 
secretively, you slip one of your hands between your salt-slicked body and the bed sheets hitoshi has you bent over, brushing over your rock hard nipples and the sensitive spots along your pelvis before you’re able to reach your puffy pussy. it’s hard to keep quiet when you’re finally able to graze your the poor, unattended nub tucked between your slick folds — drawing lazy shapes over it just like hitoshi would do for you. you attempt to choke down a delicate whimper, stuffing your teary face into the cotton to muffle the louder sounds that start to escape you. 
“you sound so needy,” hitoshi breathes, placing a large hand on the small of your back to deepen your arch from behind. he rewards you, for sounding so pretty, he really can’t help it either — giving into his habit as he fucks you halfway down to his twitching length, his arousal bleeding rip nestled just inches shy from your gummy g-spot. “being so good ‘n patient, angel. love it when you’re like this. all pliant and desperate for some cock.” 
you wail in reply, writhing and wriggling for more — only to be forced into pleasuring yourself, pinching and rubbing at your clit in tune with shinsou’s shallow thrusts past your rippling entrance. he soothes you, rubbing circles into your hip dips as he whispers little praises like “just a little longer. “you’re doing so well for me sweetheart.” “i can’t wait until i get to fill you up.” 
that is until he feels your sly little hand brush against this muscular inner thigh, while you attempt to get yourself off. one moment, you’re on the verge of finally hitting release, the next, all of that mounting and heavenly pleasure is ripped away from you by hitoshi’s discovery.
“toshi!” you snivel desperately, trying to appeal to his gentler side when he pulls out of you completely — exposing your hot cunt to cool air as you pulse around nothing. “p-please, please ‘m sorry!” 
he sucks his teeth, three fingers coming down harsh on your sopping mound which causes you to jolt forward on the bed in suprise. “oh, I don’t think you are.”  he seethes cruelly, throwing his weight over your trembling body while he licks a wet trail up and behind your ear. “if you were, you wouldn’t be trying to fuck yourself while i’m spoiling you with my cock.” 
okay, so maybe it is your fault. 
shaking your head, you try to wriggle away — your hips running from the sudden and relentless pressure shinsou applies to your greedy clit from behind. “i p-promise! i am, ‘m so sorry. hnngh, ‘toshi ‘m gonna cum! t-too fast!” 
“don’t care.” the purple haired hero grunts, only speeding up. “you wanted to cum so bad? instead of being a good girl and waiting for me?” nipping at your earlobe, shinsou chuckles coyly and smacks a hand down on your pussy again. “now you’re complaining about it being too fast? well too fucking bad. you get what you give, angel.” 
shinsou’s threat should scare you, but it only serves to turn you on even more — clear streams of your arousal painting his thick fingers against your heat like a sugar glaze. 
“d-do it, i dare you.” you manage to bleat out, challenging him. 
the laugh your boyfriend lets out is both cold and amused, overlapped by the squelch of your princess cunt as he replaces what used to be his heavy cock with his fingers inside of you. curling them straight away. 
“challenge accepted, sweetheart.” shinsou grins, pumping in and out of you so fast you hardly realise that you’ve hit your first orgasm until it’s too late — squirting about the place and soaking the sheets. “but this time, you keep your hands where they are or i'll tie them up.”
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꒰ end. — all rights reserved © tteokdoroki 2023. do not copy, repost, translate & recommend elsewhere.
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bowandcurtsey · 11 months ago
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can i pls have fluff headcanons of luck volitia
Hi dearie! thank you for requesting! Sorry this took so long, but happy holidays <3
And sure, here's some fluffy Luck Volitia for you! There wasn't any specification if it should be platonic or romantic so I just decided to go with romantic headcanons! hope that's okay!
Characters: Luck volitia x f! reader tw: unchecked works
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He is a cutie and a sweetheart and he makes your heart race and melt at the same time.
He doesn't buy flowers, he picks them himself from the forests and his missions. Yeap, don't expect beautifully wrapped bouquets, it's straight from the nature itself.
he always holds your hand intertwined with your fingers. even if you held his hands the 'wrong' way, he'll correct it and intertwined your fingers together.
"people won't be able to snatch you away that easily like this," he says
it'll be surprising but he like to cook together with you. whether it's making a simple sandwich together or baking a cake from scratch, he just likes doing something together with you and then enjoying eating it together.
Loves going to carnivals with you, he plays all the games with you and wins some solid prizes. He'll go shopping around with you too and buys you little trinklets so that you'll have a memory for your date.
If you made him anything, rest assured that he would keep it along with him and treasure it. The scarf you made? he wears it even if it's not even that cold.
The little bracelet you made? it's on his wrist 24/7.
the little flower band you made on a random date for fun? it's in his room like a prized possession. You had to throw it away while he didn't noticed, because all the flowers wilted.
He treasures every single thing and moment you both have.
He doesn't have much worries or stress, but whenever he gets a little more quiet than usual, you'd know that something's on his mind. But he'll enjoy stargazing with you and holding you in his arms.
He'll just fondle with your hair, and enjoy being in your presence.
He spoils you so much, you're his little princess and he has absolutely no shame in showing everyone that!
If charmy bakes a cupcake, he'll go "give me more! i'm bringing it for y/n!"
If you both get into an argument (which is rarely because he takes everything with a pinch of salt anyway), he'll just follow you around quietly like a lost puppy. He'll give you some puppy eyes as well if you'd even look at him.
He'll just stay quietly near you until you give in and go "come here" and in a flash (quite literally) he'll be in your arms.
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agapaic · 7 years ago
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im rereading 19 days and im honestly like.. why tf do I like t*ansh*n again lmao. Bcs when there is violence involved in the main duo i feel that its just unnecessary quarrels between two teenage boys who are friends and if one truly hurts the other theyll be able to talk it out. but with ht and msg there is such a strong power imbalance and it truly hurts and brings mgs down and still ht while I think he has feelings for gs just can't give it up. so I'm here like,, bitch be better!!u can do it
Yeah, I understand this. I think I like them bc of their potential – I don’t like the thought of them being together as they are now bc it’s worryingly imbalanced and problematic. Nothing abt how they interact is indicative of a healthy relationship. As readers, we have a level of responsibility imo. Yep, you can say, “Oh but Old Xian doesn’t take this seriously and neither should we.” And that’s fine! But you can enjoy the manhua in a light way – and consider that Old Xian might think little of the violence – and also be aware that He Tian’s treatment of Guan Shan is, at its core, problematic.
I’ve had friends before who’ve started reading 19 Days on my recommendation and been like, “Bethan why tf do you like this when they treat each other the way they do?” (and not realising why until they see my representation in fics) and I guess for me it’s about being aware that they’re not healthy? And it’s about looking at how things could be with a heavy dose of character development and passing time – or of exploring the repercussions of their behaviour.
(As for comparing them to XiYi… Ah idk. Like I’ve said before: comparison is somewhat inevitable, but I’d rather just treat/evaluate each pairing on their own merit. In a nutshell: they both have issues.)
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hella1975 · 3 years ago
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i actually started ep 1 of banana fish bc i was like 'hey look hella says it's cool' and then i was like HELLA IS HAVING A BREAKDOWN I'M NOT TOUCHING THIS SHIT
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fantastic-bby · 3 years ago
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ATEEZ vs. bum touching
Pairing: Reader x Member
Word count: 1.3k
Genre: Fluff | Comedy | Reaction/Headcanon
Summary: ATEEZ has to live with either you touching their ass or touching your ass.
Warnings: A lot of ass touching
A/n: Hi, so I really like ass... which was the whole reason why I wrote this lol
Masterlist
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Hongjoong
Gets very confused
Also very taken aback
Had a feeling you really like his ass
But you also never really directly mentioned it
It was always just passing comments about how his pants look nice
Doesn’t really know what to do because it’s so sudden
He was in the kitchen, just getting water after spending hours in his home studio
You follow him into the kitchen because you saw him leaving his studio
Joong had been busy the entire day, so you took the opportunity to force him to love you :D
Hongjoong doesn’t even realise you’re there
Until suddenly you’re pinching his ass with your thumb and index finger
“AHH!”
Stares at you like you’ve just destroyed his laptop
“What was that for?!”
You laugh bcs he’s cute and hug him
His entire face is fucking red because your hands are nicely placed on both cheeks
“I like your butt”
Honestly can’t even be mad because of what you said
Lets you hug him, but spends the entire day thinking about his own ass
Seonghwa
Gets very confused pt 2
Thinks it’s kinda weird bcs you’ve always said that you like his butt
He doesn’t exactly stop you from touching his butt bcs he doesn’t mind, he just gets really confused and flustered whenever it happens
Sometimes he can tell when it might happen
Also doesn’t really do anything to stop it
Hwa honestly just hopes you don’t do it especially when you’re in public
But you have the decency to not embarrass him like that
So you do it while he’s cleaning
Hwa’s bent over to pick up a few things and you just seize the opportunity to go over and squeeze his bum
Like whole hand on his ass full hand squeeze
Almost flies into the air because it was so sudden and he hadn’t even noticed you entered the room
Accidentally lets go of everything he’s holding and whips around while holding his butt
“What was that??”
You just smile and go back to doing your own thing without an explanation
“Baby???”
“Your bum’s cute”
Yunho
Doesn’t really mind it
He just lets it happen as long as he gets to touch your bum too
Whenever you’re cuddling, you just let your hand rest on his bum
Yunho honestly thinks its cute
Just gets a bit flustered whenever you do it in public
You have a habit of sticking your hand into the back pocket of his pants
He actually really likes it because it means that you're comfortable around him
You like doing it bcs you think it's funny whenever he walks away from you
And your hand's in his pocket
You pull him back sometimes and Yunho goes "AHH??" because he forgot lol
So he basically doesn't mind it
Unless someone points it out
Just so happened that the someone was Jongho
“Hyung, is (Y/n)’s hand in your ass pocket?”
Yunho’s face just turns red
Immediately takes your hand out while you laugh
“Sweetie, I know you like my ass, but let’s not do it in front of my friends”
“Whatever you say, Yun”
Yeosang:
Another one who thinks it’s quite strange
He’s always known you had a thing for his butt
You always say that his butt looks good
And he’ll just turn around like what ass
I’m joking pls don’t hurt me thanks
Yeosang’s also very quiet about how much he likes your ass
Sometimes when he walks past you
Hand on bum
Whenever you bend over
Hand on bum
But he always makes it seem like an accident
“Sorry, darling, could you scooch over so that I can get the salt?”
You, on the other hand, makes it very obvious whenever you touch his ass
Walk past him
Hand on bum
He bends over
Straight up spanks him out of nowhere because you couldn’t help it
Yeosang turns around and stares at you like you’re disgraced, not only him, but his family, his bandmates, and his pet from when he was child
“What?”
“The opportunity was right there”
San:
Doesn’t mind it at all
Actually really likes it
Bcs he knows you’re comfortable enough to just touch his ass whenever you want
San also likes your ass anyway so it’s a win-win situation for him
Whenever you’d wake up, someone’s hand is on someone’s ass
In the kitchen whenever you’re cooking, San greets you with a firm smack to your ass
He’s an ass man, you can’t convince me otherwise
Doesn’t even hide it from his friends
You’re more shy of doing it in public
But I wholeheartedly believe that San’s the type of dude who would smack your ass in public
You’re talking to one of their managers
Just a chill convo about the weather
San sees you and comes up to you
Hand goes swoop and smacks you right on the bum
“AH WHAT?!?!?”
“Hi baby”
You’re staring at him like wtf
The manager thinks it's hilarious
Mingi:
Very flustered baby
He’s very shy about his
Booty area
So Mingi gets very flustered by it very easily
He’s also very shy about your bosom as well
Mingi’s always tried to be mindful of where he puts his hands
Even tho you’ve already verbally told him that you don’t mind
Still stays away from touching your booty unless you’re alone or doing some funky stuff ;)
You don’t do it that often
Bcs honestly you think his confused face is so cute
Mingi decided that walking around your bedroom with only a towel wrapped around his waist was a good idea
You saw the opportunity almost immediately
Just a lil pinch
“AH WHAT THE FUCK?!”
He whips around and gapes at you
His towel is | | this close to falling, but he quickly catches it and continues to stare at you
“Baby, you know I like your butt, right?”
“Yes, but what?!”
“Well, I like your butt and it was right there.”
Is horrified for the rest of the week
Wooyoung:
Like San and Yunho
Does not mind it one bit
If he can touch your ass too, then he’s totally fine with you touching his ass
Even if it’s out of nowhere
Even if it’s that thing where you jab their assholes with your finger as a prank
He did that to you once and you threw a book at him
You did that to him once and he pretended to cry for a whole day
Wooyoung absolutely LOVES your ass
He loves every part of you
But your ass?
Special place in his heart
So he touches it all the time
Spanks you in public just to get a reaction out of you
Gets whiney if you do it bcs he’s a baby like that
So you’re out grocery shopping and Wooyoung’s pushing the cart
He’s more of gliding around with it haphazardly, but as long as he doesn’t get hurt, you’re alright with it
Wooyoung bends down to pick up something from the bottom shelf
And you just spank him so hard that he stumbles forward and almost crashed into the shelf completely
“BABE???”
“Yeh”
Jongho:
Pretends not to like your ass as much as he does
But he
OHF
He LOSES IT whenever he sees your ass
It’s like primal instinct
He just goes WOAH
And he HAS to smack it
Jongho’s so strong that sometimes, he forgets that his smacks hurt
So one day when you’re just moving around the place and doing your own thing
He decides that he wants to spank you
Hits you so hard that you stumble and almost fall over
He feels bad almost immediately
“Oh god! Are you okay?!”
“Jongho, what in the world were you thinking?!”
“I didn’t mean to hit you that hard!”
You probably have a handprint on your butt now because of him
He spends the entire day making it up to you
Does everything in his power to stop you from being mad even tho he thinks your mad face is cute
Even lets you sit on his lap and feeds you ice cream just to make sure you can’t be angry at him
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bridgyrose · 2 years ago
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More Masked Villains, pls? Can Blake get to kiss Rubes this time uwu?
Ruby paused as she found herself in an empty bed, her head still spun from the night before. The room itself seemed untouched for years, not empty, though abandoned seemed to be the right word. Dust lined the window and the knick knacks on the shelves, though the bed and floor had clearly been cleaned and used recently. She slowly sat up and quietly got off the bed, making sure not to make a sound as she made it to the doorway. The smell of eggs, beans, and toast wafted through the air as the door creaked open.
“About time you woke up,” Blake said. 
Ruby jumped a bit as she heard Blake’s voice, not having noticed her sitting on the banister railing. “Where are we?” 
“Brunswick Farms.” Blake hopped down and smiled at Ruby. “Sorry about the way we had to get you here, but we wanted to make sure you couldnt… fight back.” 
“So drugging me was your go to method?” 
“It was either that or knocking you out in a fight. Drugging felt like the safest option.” 
“You may have a point.” Ruby sighed and closed the bedroom door and started to make her way downstairs. As if to prove Blake’s point that they hadnt been here long but long enough to make sure the farmhouse was cleaned. The smell of breakfast had started to grow stronger as she made her way to the kitchen, still cautious. “Though, I dont think I understand why you wanted me here.” 
“Because we needed to talk to you alone.” Blake hopped over the railing and used her semblance to land without a sound, her shadow clone disappearing as it hit the floor. “And to offer you a deal.” 
“A deal? What kind of deal?” 
“To help us take down the SDC once and for all,” Weiss answered as she walked out of the kitchen with a plate of eggs and beans on toast for Ruby. “Hope you dont mind beans for breakfast. Its one of the few things they still have here that doesnt go bad. Put enough salt or hot sauce on it and it’ll taste edible enough.” 
“Thank you…” Ruby gently took the plate and watched Weiss and Blake carefully. “What do you want with me?” 
“I’m sure you can figure out what we want, after all, you have stopped us multiple times.” Weiss pulled her mask out of her bag and sighed. “Though, I guess we cant say that’s been difficult.”
Ruby paused and took a step back and dropped her plate. “You’re the girl in the computerized mask.” She then turned to look at Blake, her hand instinctively reaching for the scythe that wasnt there. “And… you lead the White Fang.” 
“I’m more like a lieutenant than the leader, but that’s all semantics.” Blake sighed and sat down. “I know meeting us under these circumstances arent the best, but we just want to talk.” 
“You drugged me!” 
“Because we didnt have a choice!” Weiss pinched the bridge of her nose and took a breath to calm her nerves. “Its not like you’d just sit down with us once you know who we were.” 
Ruby slowly sat down. “Then… what exactly is it that you want? I figured you’d want to kill me.” 
“We… have a proposition for you.” Blake put herself between Weiss and Ruby, her ears twitched as she kept an ear out on both of them. “We know you work for the SDC, but we think you may be better off helping us take them down once and for all.” 
“But… you’re both criminals.” 
Blake sighed. “Only because that’s how society wants to see us…” 
Weiss moved out from behind Blake and a little closer to Ruby. “The White Fang is tired of getting pushed around by the SDC and Atlas’ willingness to overlook the injustices they go through. And while bringing the SDC down wont stop it, it’ll at least bring the slave labor for the mines to a halt.” 
Ruby paused for a moment. “And…. what exactly do you get out of it?” 
“If everything goes well, I will put my father in his place.” 
“I’m sorry but I cant-” Ruby winced as she felt a needle press into her neck and her body started to go numb, the muscles tensing up and then relaxing rapidly as she once again started to lose consciousness, Blakes and Weiss’s voices had started to distort in her ears.
“Weiss! What was that for?!” 
Weiss moved to Ruby and stuck an earpiece to her ear with a smile. “She wasnt going to agree to help us, so I’m going to make sure she does.” 
Blake frowned, her hand clenching into a tight fist. “This wasnt the plan.” 
“And letting her go after asking her for help wasnt going to work either.” Weiss pulled away from Ruby and started to make her way to the kitchen. “In a few hours, she’ll start seeing things our way. And then, we can make her ours just like we wanted.” 
Blake growled and hit the wall in frustration to release her anger. Her growl turned into a soft sigh as she looked over at Ruby, guilt starting to wash over her. “This… isnt how I wanted her to be ours…” 
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hunflowers · 4 years ago
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Golden
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Word Count: 15.3k
Requested? I don’t remember, but you always can here :)
Mood Board
A/N: Lord, have mercy SHE’S FINALLY HERE!!!!! My baby Golden is finally out to the public and can I just say how fucking relieved I am to post it. I love her, I hope you do too <3 little warning: there are mentions of panic attacks in here, and a heart condition (that i did my best to research on) so if you’re uncomfortable, pls don’t read. 
special thanks to my soul baby @stylesloveclub​ for being my biggest support system with this, she’s dedicated to you <3
for anyone reading this, please reblog! it really helps us writers out. okay onward friends!!! lemme know how i did and if you like it *nose boops*
Water. The ocean. Waves. The tide.
Symbolic of life, birth. Can be used to wash away even the most troubling of sins.
O’ahu, Hawaii, home to some of the best surfing destinations in the state, in the country, in the world. Also home to one of the best surfers in the state, in the country, in the world. 
Y/N didn’t coin herself that. Not that she’s complaining about it, but she doesn’t surf for the title. She surfs for the freedom. She feels the most alive when her toes dig into the sand as she runs towards the warm, salt oblivion, her novelty yellow and blue surfboard tucked under her arm.
Her whole life she had been surrounded by water. When she was a baby, she always wanted a bath. When she was a toddler, she always wanted to stay in the kiddie pool. And then she got into surfing, and well, the rest is history so-to-speak. Her parents never got themselves involved in the sport professionally but more as a recreational activity. And it was even how they met, so really there was no stopping surfing from flowing through Y/N’s blood.
Her backyard was the ocean, so growing up, it was really the only thing for her to do. It’s what all the kids were doing, and Y/N was no different. She met her best friends on the beach when they were five years old, practicing the basics of surfing, like getting up on the board and finding their balance with the Earth.
Kalani and AJ, two of the best surfers Y/N will ever meet, and two of the purest souls to ever grace her life. They’re madly in love with one another. Have been for as long as they’ve been friends -- so coming up on sixteen years. Y/N is in awe of their relationship, she really is, but being a third-wheel isn’t exactly something she signed up for. Though, she kind of expected it when growing up.
They tried countless times to set her up with someone, but time and time again their matchmaking skills have failed, and Y/N is tired of them pitying her. No, she may not be in a long term relationship, but she hardly has time for a relationship anyway. Especially with competitions coming up, she needs to keep herself focused on surfing rather than some boy who will probably end up breaking her heart.
Well, that was her intention anyway.
October 27th, the first day of the best months out of the year.
And it started just the same as every other year. Y/N woke up at the crack of dawn and threw on her lucky white bathing suit before throwing an apple down her throat. Her surfboard was perched up against the back patio railing, and she swiftly tucked it under her arm as she made her way down the shore, being greeted by the luminescent sun that was swarming the sea in a shade of tangerine and lemon.
Jogging knee deep into water, Y/N sunk her hand just below the surface, swaying it back and forth, taking a deep breath as she felt the cool texture swarm her body. Exhaling slowly, she threw herself down onto her board, paddling onward into the great unknown. The familiar sound of the crashing waves causing her to flinch for a brief moment before comforting her ears as she watches the restless ocean ahead of her, a smile washing over her face as she could basically see her future ahead of her.
Today marks qualifying day, and obviously if she marks as qualified, she moves forward to the Vans Triple Crown. She’s been training all year, her body practically a prune with how much she’s been in the water. But, a minute can’t go to waste, so up until the very last second where she has to head to the north shore, she’s gonna remain in the water and build her intuition with how the day is going to go.
Last year, Y/N had to cut her time short when she was hospitalized the night before the first competition. So, she was all more determined to win the championship that is rightfully hers. Well, in the women’s division at least. Last year was ripped from her right when it was under her nose and she refuses to have a repeat of it. 
After her hospitalization, everyone was convinced she’d never return to the water. Despite the ocean being her second home, everyone figured she would turn away -- avoid the embarrassment last year brought upon her. But, it only made her stronger and more determined to prove everyone wrong. No matter how frightening it really was.
Her first wave of the day had her coasting along smoothly, starting her out easy as waves progressively got bigger with the tide. When she got out into the water, the sun had just broken past the horizon line, yet by the time she left, the sun was nearly at its peak in the sky. Her skin felt raw, yet her body was running on adrenaline as she scoffed down the lunch her mom had made her before they banded into the family van and headed to Sunset Beach on the north shore.
Y/N’s heart raced in her chest, her leg bouncing subconsciously but furiously as she watched the landscape pass her by through the window. Her typically calming music wasn’t even working as she ran through multiple scenarios in her mind of what could go wrong today and how her day, her week, month, even year could be ruined.
Once outside of the van and on the beach, her parents pulled her close into a tight, warm hug, whispering words of encouragement in her ears, knowing just how important this was for her. Surfing and competitions had always been important to Y/N, but following last year’s downfall, this day was going to make or break whatever is left of her both physically and emotionally.
“Y/N!” she heard her name being called from the distance, the three of them immediately letting go of one another as they exchanged sheepish smiles.
“Y/N!” Was called out again, causing her to turn around and see Kalani running straight for the three of them, waving her arms in a drastic manner to gain her best friend’s attention. “Oh my -- I ran so fast, wow, I need to calm down,” Kalani breathed out, closing Y/N into a firm embrace.
“Save your energy for the waves, babe,” Y/N laughed, wrapping her own arms around Kalani’s frame. The two of them were never inseparable, it was kind of like they were actually glued to the hip together ever since they were children. And a lot of people were surprised they remained best friends through the years, what with both of them always competing in the same surfing competitions battling for the first place spot. And they knew this could be a strain on their relationship, but they decided ever since they were seven years old that they weren’t going to let surfing get between them. No matter what, they were always proud of each other for everything they’ve accomplished and are each other’s number one fans.
Thing is, Y/N tends to snag that first place spot a lot of the time, and Kalani always just misses her, earning her the second spot, right beneath her. But, Kalani has grown to accept that Y/N is better at the sport, and that’s nothing for her to be ashamed of. She’s managed to get a few of her own first place wins, and in her eyes, that’s good enough. She can’t live her life being jealous of her best friend because that’s not healthy, and anyway, surfing is much more Y/N’s livelihood than it is her own, so she’s fine with being second best -- despite what others may think.
Tugging her board off the top of the car, Y/N tucked it beneath her arm as she walked hand-in-hand with Kalani to wherever her family had set up camp on the beach. “Where’s AJ?” Y/N wondered, as she looked out into the water and saw no one out in it.
“The boys are starting soon, so he’s with Nav,” Kalani said, finally stopping in front of her parents and younger brother, and AJ’s older brother.
“Y/N!” They greeted, getting up from their chairs to kiss the girl on the cheek before greeting her parents. “It’s so great to see you back here,” Kalani’s mom smiled, pinching Y/N’s cheek before plopping herself back down under the sun.
They all began to catch up with one another since it’s been awhile they’ve all gotten together, all of them falling into old habits as if it hadn’t been months since they were last together. Y/N tried to engage in as much conversation as possible, but her mind tended to wander off as the guys started lining up in the water and making their way out. Her throat dried up and her palms were sweating -- and not from the heat -- as her nerves kicked in. Her memory began to cloud her vision as she stood abruptly and quickly walked away from the group, her heart picking up again.
Her breaths shortened as her mind blurred, and all she wanted was to curl up on her bed and calm her mind. She felt someone’s hand on her back, and immediately she could tell it was her father by the smell of his cologne. Once she was far enough from people, Y/N could feel tears well in her eyes as short images flashed across her eyes, cutting each inhale of breath in half -- which caused her to panic even more as she couldn’t breathe properly.
Last year ruined her, and she absolutely despises that this is considered her normal day-to-day routine now, her body shaking with fear as she feels herself collapsing from the inside, out. “Y/N, honey, can you hear me?” She thinks she hears her father say, but is undetermined with the intense white noise that’s swarming her ear drums.
“Count with me, c’mon, backwards from ten.”
But, all her mind could focus on was her body sinking lower and lower beneath the surface of water.
“Ten… Gotta count, c’mon you can do it, nine.”
“Eight,” she murmured, reaching out to grasp her dad’s shirt tight in her fist, just to make sure that he was really in front of her. She needs to be reminded that last year is her past, and that no matter how forward it is in her mind, it’s not her present anymore and she’s not drowning. “Seven.”
He took her hands and held them to his chest, “Six, keep going.”
“Fi-” she gulps, swallowing the lump in her throat, “..five.”
She makes it all the way down to zero, her body visibly relaxing and mentally as she hesitantly looks around to see no one watching the little event. “Do you want to go home?”
Y/N looks up to her father, shaking her head in response as she sniffles her nose and brushes away the one stray tear that has cascaded down her cheek. “No… I can do this.”
He cocks his head to the side and purses his lips, slowly nodding his head. Wrapping his arm around her shoulders, he turns them back in the direction, walking with her slowly as she continues to gather herself. “You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone, Y/N. Everyone knows you’re an amazing surfer.”
“I think I just need to prove it to myself,” she stated, dragging her feet through the sand like a child so it slowed their arrival time back with the group. She can only imagine that her mom had informed everyone already of what was happening, and the last thing she wants is their sorry eyes and pathetic spouts of pity that she knows she’ll wish they just kept to themselves.
Y/N knows she’s broken. She’s not the same girl everyone knew this time last year, but she doesn’t need to be reminded of it every time she steps into a room. What happened last year was serious and she understands that people are worried; But all she wants is for everyone to forget about it. Including herself. She thinks the thing that’s causing her the most trepidation now -- rather than in the morning or all year long -- is the fact she’s now back in front of a crowd again, eyes trained on her like hawks watching prey, waiting for something awful to happen again.
The only thing missing is the popcorn as they watch this free entertainment.
When they finally came back to everyone, Y/N noticed the guys had started paddling out. Everyone was talking amongst themselves, dismissing her presence as she sat herself down back in the sand, and a breath of relief escaped her lips. The tension was there, but everyone ignored it for her sake, and Y/N couldn’t be more grateful.
“Go, AJ!” Kalani cheered, pumping her fist and shouting a few hoots and hollers afterward. Dom, AJ’s brother, let out a few ear screeching whistles, the kind with the fingers in the mouth, joining in on rooting for his brother. 
Watching the guys out there solidified to Y/N how real this really is, and soon her veins were pumping with excitement again instead of dread as she cheered on her best friend. He was going to qualify, they all were and they knew that, but it's always fun to get excited about the possibility of moving forward and winning the titles and earning the trophies.
All the other faces that surfed alongside AJ were mostly familiar, their names ringing bells as the announcers spoke of them, but there was one that Y/N hadn’t ever heard before. It’s the same cycle of people every year, yet this guy was fresh. And the only reason she’s curious as to who he is, is because he’s good. Like, really good.
Kalani can’t exactly remember if she’s heard of him either, shrugging to Y/N’s wonderment, “I don’t know. Maybe AJ knows.” His pink surfboard and pink wet shirt stuck out as he was a sight for sore eyes, and Y/N grew a little resentment towards him as he pulled out a few advanced maneuvers, gaining everyone’s undivided attention that used to be on AJ.
“Who is that?” Y/N’s mother questioned, looking around to see that no one knew the answer. 
He was a mystery yet he radiated this vibrant energy as the guys finished their rounds, walking off with grace in his step as he laughed at something Nav -- one of the three’s friends -- had said. The girls bid their goodbyes to their families as they headed over to where the guys were before their rounds. AJ immediately came running over to them, hugging Y/N and Kalani simultaneously before giving his girlfriend a quick kiss on the lips. “You did great,” Kalani smiled, keeping her arms wrapped around his center.
“Alright, not in front of me,” Y/N grimaced, looking away from them. Immediately her eyes landed on the new surfer, still talking to Nav, and she was quick to turn back to AJ to ask who he is. “Hey, who’s the new guy?”
Looking over his shoulder, AJ saw who she was talking about before realization dawned on him. “Oh, that’s Harry. He’s from England. A really nice guy, I bet you’d like him,” he winked, causing Y/N to look at him with squinted eyes and pursed lips.
Kalani nudged his side, giving him a weird look. “What? I’m just saying.”
Then, speak of the Devil, Nav and this Harry guy came walking over, joining the three as they stood around waiting for the announcement that the girls could head out. Y/N wasn’t exactly paying attention to her surroundings as she continued to calm herself down for the impending near future. It wasn’t until Harry had stood in front of her, that she was knocked out of her own thoughts.
She looked up at him, making eye contact and briefly getting her breath caught in her throat. When he was far away, it was hard to make out his facial features or what he exactly looked like. But being right in front of him, she was merely astonished at his beauty, but more so his green eyes that reflected the perfect amount of sunlight. His wet, brunette hair rested against his forehead and seemed to be drying a bit curly.
His head tilted slightly, an amused smirk inching up his face as he watched her reaction. Something tells her he’s used to this kind of reaction. “M’Harry.”
His hand came between the two of them, waiting for her to grasp it in a firm grip. Y/N was hesitant at first but finally took his hand and shook it gently while greeting herself before dropping her hand back down to her side. “Y/N.”
This is insanely awkward. Especially because her friends are just watching the exchange silently, as if they weren’t allowed to speak while the two introduced themselves.
Harry has heard of Y/N. It’s hard for anyone involved in the surfing business to not have heard of her. Aside from the jarring news from last year, she’s an excellent surfer and her name is always spreading around like wildfire. She’s part of the reason Harry decided to delve more into the professional surfing world, because he’s been itching to meet her.
Y/N is attractive, anyone with eyes knows that, but Harry wanted to meet her only because of her expansive skills in the water. Standing in front of her, he can’t deny her undying beauty -- and if he weren’t such a gentleman he’d probably be trying to woo her this very instant. But, her looks aren’t what draws him to her, and he decides to not think with his dick for once.
Before he gets the chance to say something else to her, they get notified that the girls should start heading out for their rounds. Y/N and Kalani grab their boards and tuck them under their arms before bidding their goodbyes to the boys and scurrying off to join the rest of the girls.
“Whipped already?” Nav jokes, wrapping his arm around Harry’s shoulders and leading them to the sand where they’ll watch.
Y/N steps her toes into the water, basking in the cool feeling wrapping around her toes and surging up her body. She rolls her neck feeling it crack softly before rolling her shoulders back and taking in her umpteenth deep breath of the day. Her and Kalani looked at each other, nodding with smiles on their faces before they walked deeper in the shallow water until it reached the middle of their thighs before dropping their boards down and paddling out.
At the sight of a small wave heading toward her, Y/N dipped herself beneath the water just to wet her hair. It felt refreshing again to feel the salt coax her skin for the second time that day, as if it never left. When she greeted the air again, she could immediately feel the rays of the sun bouncing off of her skin, illuminating her in a heavenly glow, like the star she is. The spotlight is on her as she aims herself for the peak of the impending wave, nabbing the first ride of the girls’ round.
Back on the beach, her mom’s fingers were crossed, her dad’s breath was caught in his lungs, and Harry’s eyes were fixated on her figure as she jumped up on the belly of her board. Her legs kept her balance against the rough matter below her. Due to the steep wall of the wave, Y/N had to act quick and rational in order to keep control, and started off with an off-the-lip, which kept her parallel with the wave before she moved herself down and carved herself back into the energy zone. 
Because it was a smaller wave, she could only go on for so long before she tipped herself off the board and fell down into the water. Everyone waited with bated breaths and kept their eyes on the area she sunk beneath the blue, before sighing in relief to see her head pop back up. Harry could see the joy wipe over everyone’s faces, replacing the worry that was once there as they hugged one another. He could tell Y/N has such a good support system, and it only urges him more to want to be a part of her life.
Of this life.
❊ ❊
“You guys did so good! We’re so proud,” Y/N’s mom gushed as she pulled her into a warm embrace -- a hug that holds more meaning than just being proud. Her mom was relieved. Grateful. Happy. She’s able to hold her daughter one more time, and that’s all she could ask for. “It’s going to be a good year for all you kids.”
Y/N felt like she was on cloud nine. She was elated, overjoyed, ecstatic, riding such a good high. Her comeback couldn’t have gone any better and she’s just so, so happy. Arriving at the beach she was nervous and anxious and was two seconds away from caving to her fears and running away. Now, as she walks arm-in-arm with her best friend away from the water for the night, she’s laughing a genuine laugh and her veins are currently pumping excitement rather than nerves. 
AJ locked his arm over her shoulders, the three of them linked just like they always are as they head towards Y/N’s family van. But, instead of like other times, this time they have a tag-a-long trailing behind them. It’s sort of like a tradition where after every competition, all of the families join together and head to dinner at their usual restaurant. Nav couldn’t come because he had his own family matters to attend to but Harry was more than willing to accept the offer. He says he came to Hawaii alone and that he had nothing better to do, but his intense stare on Y/N when he accepted the offer says that’s not the only reason he was so quick to join.
It was also part of the tradition that they ride together in the van, 1) because it was the most spacious vehicle where they were able to ride together and 2) because Y/N’s parents are pretty fun to be around. They blasted the best music and made the best jokes, causing not one dull car ride. When they filed in, AJ and Kalani pushed themselves to the back seat, leaving Y/N and Harry to sit in the separate middle row chairs.
“Oh! Harry, I’m sorry, I forgot to ask. Does your family want to join us? They’re more than welcome to,” Y/N’s mom looked over her shoulder in the passenger seat.
He cleared his throat, looking up from his phone and sitting up a bit in his seat, an uncomfortable look on his face. “M’here alone, actually.”
Before anyone could ask any questions, AJ clapped Harry’s shoulder, saying, “We’re your temporary family now, man.” Despite being competitors, it seems the two of them really hit it off and AJ genuinely meant what he said about being Harry’s family. Though, everyone knows the main reason he said it was to diminish the rising tension.
“Thanks, mate,” Harry returned, fist bumping AJ. And during the little exchange, Harry caught eyes with Y/N, catching her eyes wandering around his profile and facial features, causing her to look away quickly and look out the window as if the view was something spectacular. She could hear him snicker quietly, and just when she thinks the coast is clear, she slyly looks back at him just to find out he’s already staring at her.
They really love staring at one another apparently.
When they arrived at the restaurant, Y/N and Harry were pushed to the back of the group -- not really by choice but somehow it ended up that way -- and neither of them really made any moves to break the silence between them. Y/N because she was nervous, and Harry because he wanted her to be the first to speak. And it just so happened that when they were sat at a table, they were left with the last two remaining chairs that also happened to be right next to each other. Y/N couldn’t figure out if they were doing this on purpose or it was by coincidence, but she can tell Harry doesn’t mind.
She’s not one to be nervous around guys, but there’s something about Harry and how he is so blatantly interested in her that makes her wary of talking to him. Kalani sat across the table from her, and when they made eye contact, they had a silent conversation about how Y/N should grow the balls and actually talk to him. Of course Y/N refused, which earned her a kick to the shin in retaliation, which then caused her to let out a yelp of pain and made everyone look at her confused and worried. 
“Sorry, hit my knee on the table,” she brushed it off, glaring at her best friend the moment everyone turned away and continued with their own conversations. 
Being as slick as possible, Kalani directed her eyes to Harry when he wasn’t looking so Y/N could see her, before turning to AJ and talking to him about something completely irrelevant. Again, Y/N and Harry were stuck in this silence. She’s not exactly sure why she can’t just start a conversation, but he’s kind of intimidating and she’s afraid of embarrassing herself, especially in front of her family. 
Pursing her lips and looking down to her lap, Y/N finally turned to give Harry her attention, noticing how he was staring into space, looking completely lost in this foreign setting. “So, uh, where exactly are you from?”
Harry was quick to turn his head to Y/N, waiting and waiting and waiting for the moment she would say something. “A small town in Cheshire. Northwest of London, if that helps.”
“That’s a pretty far trip to take alone,” she nods, licking her bottom lip before gently biting down on it. As much as she thinks of herself as an independent person, she’s also an extreme homebody and could never imagine going anywhere without anyone by her side, whether it be family or friends.
He merely shrugs in response, “M’better off alone.”
Y/N cocked her head to the side while looking at him, letting his words sizzle inside her mind as she tries to overanalyze him in the mere hours she’s known him. She turned her gaze down to her hands that were intertwined in her lap, mulling over her next words to say. She doesn’t know him, but she knows the feeling of being alone. And being alone, no matter how appealing it could sound, never works out in the end. People aren’t meant to live alone. It goes against the natural order of life, and just hearing him say he prefers being alone breaks her heart just the tiniest bit. “No one’s better off alone. Everyone needs someone eventually.”
Little does she know, is that she is his someone. Or, at least that’s what Harry’s hoping. He thinks he’s crazy for being so enthralled by someone so suddenly and so strongly, but Harry’s always been one to trust his gut. His plushie but toned gut was screaming at him that this girl is just meant to be in his life. Maybe meant to be his, but he won’t push his luck. “Guess we’ll have to wait an’ see.”
They both smiled softly at one another, a small blush creeping up Y/N’s cheeks for the umpteenth time that day. “I guess we will.”
❊ ❊
It had been a little over two weeks since qualification day. Her days hadn’t changed much in regards to her schedule; Waking up at the ass crack of dawn and heading straight into the water and staying in practically until the sun was set. But, there was one slight shift in her day, and that was the now familiar face of Harry popping in everyday, either physically or in her mind.
It was safe to say Harry was quickly adapting to the three friends, merging with them seamlessly; As if he had been part of this little group since he was a child. It’s not like any of them minded, especially AJ because he was happy to get another guy around. Their friend Nav wasn’t exactly a permanent part of their little group because he belonged to everyone and no one, but Harry stuck around them like glue and AJ was so grateful. 
Y/N’s grateful because now she isn’t a third-wheel.
Harry and her aren’t exactly buddy-buddy, but it definitely helps having someone else around for movie night so Y/N isn’t stuck watching her best friend’s all cuddled up together and hearing the occasional kiss they would share.
Though, Harry has made it known time and time again that he really wants to be buddy-buddy with her. And Y/N’s not exactly sure why she won’t give him what he wants, but for some reason she loses all comprehensive skills and becomes a blubbering, nervous mess around Harry whenever he brings up his interest in her. So, she’s successfully avoided all buddy-buddy conversations with him by bringing up mundane things instead. Like, why she decided to paint her nails blue, or why she absolutely despises white socks.
She thought she was doing a pretty skillful job too. But, after the first two times she avoided giving a yes or no answer to going on a date with him, Harry purposely would ask her just to hear what other obscure distractions she could come up with. He loved hearing Y/N talk, and without her knowing, he was getting to know her piece by piece, inch by inch, and he was loving it.
Though, a guy’s ego can only take so many rejections before he gives up completely. And just when he was ready to call it quits and accept that she wasn’t interested in him like he was her, the unexpected happened.
Y/N agreed to a date.
Well, kind of.
It was time for the Hawaiian Pro. The official first event of the Vans Triple Crown. It was taking place at Ali’i Beach Park in Hale’iwa, one of the most intense surfing spots filled with waves of  many different faces. Of course, this is when Y/N’s nerves really started to kick in. Qualification day isn’t anywhere near as filled with people as the actual events are, and her nerves have seemed to kick it into high gear. It doesn’t help that the Hawaiian Pro is when her life changed a year ago. She could hear people whispering about her, wondering if she’s going to wipe out again or if this time she’ll stay under the water. Her mind was already frenzied enough, but nothing completes the cycle like a panic attack and the embarrassment of many on-goers witnessing said panic attack.
She almost backed out. How is she meant to be the best when her body is afraid of taking its final breath? The tide was high and the waves showed no mercy. How is she meant to challenge that? How is she meant to control the water beneath her when she can’t even control her own thoughts?
It was getting to be too much for her. This entire time leading up to the Triple Crown she’s denied her fear and her anxiety, telling herself she’ll get over it. She’s been doing good all year, so what makes now any different? But it is very different. The calm atmosphere of her backyard is no match for the rambunctious setting of the Triple Crown. And she’s a fool for thinking differently.
So, she was panicking.
Y/N couldn’t even get up from her seat in her parent’s van because she was so shaky. Her father held her close, easing her back to reality and away from her tortuous mind. Of course, he offered to drive them back home and away from the competition, telling her again that she didn’t have to prove herself to anyone. But, she declined again. Because she needed to prove it to herself. She’s stronger than her mind lets on, and she needs to make sure she knows that.
When she slid off her board and sank her toes back into the warm sand after a very successful first round, landing her in the lead spot, she was finally able to breathe again.
People congratulated her on her comeback, astonished to see her doing better than ever before. Her parents embraced her with love and elation, so beyond happy to see her laughing and smiling and enjoying herself now that she’s progressing forward. Kalani of course is her number one supporter, practically jumping on her and screaming in her ear about how happy she is for her best friend.
Everyone was making their rounds hugging Y/N, and then it was Harry’s turn. They didn’t exactly embrace like the rest of them had, but he threw his arm over her shoulders and pulled her to his side, squeezing her to him softly before looking down at her and saying, “Absolutely wicked, love. Gotta teach me some of y’fancy moves.”
“You sure? They’re really only meant for the pros,” she teased, biting at her bottom lip to conceal her laughter as he scoffed.
“”Ey, no one likes a narcissist,” he shoved her shoulder softly, rolling his eyes as her laughter rang through his ears. “But, whaddya say? M’gonna need a good teacher if I wanna make it to the big leagues.”
Y/N simply shrugs without really thinking much into it, “Sure.” Her mind didn’t exactly process what she had agreed to until later that night, before she dozed off into her temporary slumber. Her eyes shot open and her body sat upright as an over dramatic gasp was inhaled into her lungs. Her mind had been all over the place with the competition that she didn’t realize that she had agreed to being alone with Harry for the first time since they'd met. Immediately she texted and called Kalani, to which she got laughed at in return.
“Kalani, this isn’t a laughing matter!”
A few miles away, Harry was snuggled into his bedsheets, a bright smile stretched across his face as he reveled in the idea that he finally was going to be alone with Y/N since the first time they’d met. His heart was jumping and his stomach was fluttering as he envisioned her pretty face behind his eyelids before he drifted off into his dream with her. 
“It so is! C’mon, Y/N, what have you got to lose? You have the same interests, he’s funny, he’s hot, and he clearly is into you. Enjoy something outside of surfing for once.”
Enjoy something outside of surfing for once.
That’s the thought that stuck in her mind, lingering around as she finally fell asleep, and then when she woke up, and when she was eating breakfast; And doing her chores; And hanging out with Kalani; And eating dinner; And then falling asleep again. Y/N didn’t even realize she had spent so much of her past year focusing on her career and health that she hasn’t done much of anything else.
She’s so grateful to be alive, but she’s hardly given herself the chance to live again.
Before her accident, she was always up for adventure and was always the life of any party. After her accident, she hasn’t even been to a party. She hasn’t been in a relationship in years, she hasn’t gone on a date in a long time, and she can’t even remember the last time she’s had sex or kissed a guy. She’s been so focused on her redemption, that she can’t remember the last time she was genuinely happy.
Going on this date, but also not a date -- but also clearly a date -- with Harry just may provide her with that. And she owes it to herself, to her past self, that her accident isn’t going to shape her life anymore.
Plus, she really enjoys Harry’s company. And even if she doesn’t show it so bluntly like him, she really likes him too.
The next day, Y/N and Kalani had gone out shopping, enjoying a nice girls day out. They had bought a few new varieties of swimsuits (as if they didn’t have enough) and a few other types of clothes, got some lunch, and even found time to watch a movie. And they did all of this right up until the moment Y/N decided it was time to text Harry. 
She wasn’t sure how to go about this, because she’s never really asked anyone on a date before, or followed up with plans (?) about a date. Kalani kept urging her to just rip the bandaid off and to get it over with, saying something along the lines of, “You’re not getting any younger. Plus, I think he’d slip right off his board at the sight of you in that new yellow suit you got.” It was just a simple bikini, but it showcased the majority of her skin that essentially left little to the imagination.
But, the thing is, whenever Y/N gets into the water around people, she can’t help but cover her torso with a wet-shirt, insecure of the imperfections that lined her skin. It’s rare she can bear to look at her skin, so she only assumes no one else would want to either. So, she’s not so sure he’ll fall off his board at the sight of her, but the thought is nice.
Y/N pulled out her phone and hovered over his contact for a good amount of time before Kalani grew impatient and snatched the phone from her friend’s hand. They wrestled around with each other to try and gain custody of the phone, but finally in the end Y/N was able to hold her phone tight in her hands before declaring, “Okay! Okay! I’m texting, I’m going.”
Kalani peaked over Y/N’s shoulder as she watched her type the allusive message to Harry, a proud smile carving over her lips as she watched her break down a barrier she had subconsciously put up. It isn’t by any means important to be in a relationship or to have a boyfriend, but Kalani knows deep down that Y/N was wishing to have that special connection only a relationship could provide -- a connection outside of the realm of friendships.
“There,” Y/N huffed, shoving the screen of her phone in her best friend’s face.
hii, if you’re still up to learn from a true professional, I’m available tonight :)
It wasn’t even ten seconds later that she got a reply.
Shit, I’ll be your best student, babe. I know a perfect spot, I’ll be at yours in an hour.
It was kind of amusing to Y/N that he said he knows a perfect spot, as if she hadn’t been living on this island all her life and practically knows it like that back of her hand. But, that miniscule thought was pushed to the very depths of her mind as panic coursed through her as she realized what she was getting herself into. She’s going on a date, not a date, but also a date with Harry, and a small hour wasn’t enough time to gain her composure. 
Fuck.
❊ ❊
It’s no surprise to Y/N when Harry shows up to her house a minute early. She’s half convinced that he had been waiting outside of her house for the past fifteen minutes until he finally stepped up on to the porch of her house, knocking rapidly on the door. It wasn’t an emergent knock that caused some sort of panic, but it was a frantic knock that screamed ‘let’s get the show on the road.’
When she opened the door, both of their breaths were robbed from their lungs. Y/N essentially looked like she always did but something about her glowed differently to Harry; maybe it was because she’s his for the night. For his eyes only. Just him and her. He was awestruck. 
Harry essentially looked like he always did but something about him radiated differently to Y/N. The same little smirk was nestled in its usual spot, but this one held a different meaning. It looked the same, but maybe it was different because it was just her and him tonight. He’s hers for the night. For her eyes only. Y/N was nervous.
Y/N left her board out on her porch so she wouldn’t have to walk around back when he got here, but she was silently wishing she didn’t so she’d get just a couple more seconds to get herself together. She just kept chanting, “It’s not a date!” in her head, in hopes it would make her feel better.
It didn’t.
Harry saw her board and tucked it under his left arm as he threw his right one over her shoulders guiding her his mode of transportation. It also wasn’t a surprise to Y/N to see Harry rolling up in a light yellow Jeep; the top down and the doors off, typical of any surfer dude, no matter where they originate.
“Her name’s Betty,” he smiled, walking around the back and giving her a quick tap on her rear end before stepping up to straddle Y/N’s board safely and securely.
Sliding through the empty passenger door to take her seat, Y/N was greeted by a familiar smell, a smell she could only associate with Harry. And even if she could never admit it, she loved it a lot. It was mouth-watering and intoxicating, and simply put, it was Harry. Even with the open atmosphere of the car, it was still drenched in this specific smell, and Y/N can’t help but giggle at the image of Harry spritzing whatever cologne into the car before arriving at her house.
A few moments later, Harry slid into the driver side, placing the sunglasses that were sitting on the dash over his eyes, shoving the key into the ignition and starting them on their journey to whatever beach he had envisioned. On the ride there, over the course of a few right turns and lefts and different exits on the highway, Y/N surprisingly had no idea where they were going. Did she think maybe he was gonna murder her? A bit. But, she felt comfortable around Harry. So, she felt it in her gut that she was going to come out alive from this… event.
When they got to the beach, it was about thirty minutes from Y/N’s house, and she had no idea where they were. They had to walk a short path to meet sand and ocean, but once they made it past the clearing, Y/N was in awe of the site ahead of her. People could think that seeing the ocean every day ruins the peaceful and magical aura surrounding it. But, Y/N never gets sick of greeting it. The sun was beginning to set, and the water was glowing with a yellow-pink hue by the horizon that blended into a bright blue by the shore. The cliff sides around them guarded the little alcove, feeding into the tranquil atmosphere.
“How did you find this place?” Y/N wondered as she kicked off her sandals, and shimmied her shorts down her legs before kicking them over her sandals. The yellow bottom of her bikini was visible, and she turned her head just as Harry took a large gulp at the sight of her in front of him; Just for him. Her blue wet-shirt stayed on though.
It piqued Harry’s interest as to why she never took off her shirt. He understood for the competitions, but even when it was just a casual outing, just him and her, or them and their friends, she always kept it on. It wasn’t his place to ask, but he wished she would’ve broken this barrier down just this once. Just for him. “Tha’s a secret for me to know and you to maybe find out.”
Y/N let out a giggle - why? she didn’t know - and turned her attention back to the boy that brought her here, her eyes nearly popping out of her head as she caught Harry taking off his white t-shirt, now only clad in his little pink shorts next to his little pink board. His skin looked extra dewy, and his tattoos seemed to glint under the setting sun. Before she could devour him with her eyes, she picked up her board and took it with her, running down to the water and shouting, “C’mon slow-poke, gotta get in the water before the sun sets!”
It wasn’t a surprise to Y/N that this didn’t keep on track of a teaching lesson. Harry doesn’t need to be taught, he’s amazing on his own. He pulled off his own tricks that Y/N didn’t even know the name of, and she was asking him to let her in on his little secrets. He locked his lips in return, throwing the imaginary key somewhere over his shoulder, “Y’think I’m g’na tell you? I’m far too narcissistic to let you beat me at my own game.”
“Who said I’m gonna beat you?”
“Have you met you?”
There’s a reason Y/N’s name circulates throughout people’s brains, why her name is common in any Hawaiian household, why Harry was itching to meet her. She’s good at what she does. Insanely good that it’s kind of concerning. Not everyone can come back from a life-altering experience, but Y/N took those stereotypes and crushed them beneath the tail of her infamous yellow surfboard. She reveled in the doubts and came back stronger than ever. Of course she would beat him at his own game. She’s the only one who could.
There wasn’t any telling how long they had been riding wave after wave, in the water with no one else but just each other. But, the sun almost halfway past the horizon line was a good giveaway. They were probably nearing the two hour mark, and they knew they couldn’t stay out here all night, but Jesus, how they wished they could. Y/N wasn’t expecting to be so content, thinking this would be some strange, awkward, uncomfortable time they would want to forget about the moment they left each other’s sides.
It’s the opposite.
Just for him. Just for her.
They both laid on their boards, limbs sprawled out and dangling into the water as their bodies shut down in exhaustion. Y/N can’t remember the last time she went so long without taking at least a ten minute break. Her body was most definitely not used to it as she felt her back mold into her little yellow board, accepting the relaxation. When she finally opened her eyes back up, she turned her head to the side, admiring Harry’s profile as his arms were pulled over his head, the skin of his torso being stretched, which also stretched the ink that adorned him.
Y/N got lost in the mirage that is Harry, that she didn’t even realize he had turned his head and caught her ogling. It wasn’t until he cleared his throat that her eyes snapped to his, heat traveling up through her body and rushing to her cheeks. “M’eyes are up here, love.”
“Uh- right. Yeah, I know.”
“Cool. Hey d’y’wanna play twenty questions?” He asked, sitting up to straddle his board and paddling himself around so he was facing her. 
Y/N squinted her eyes, “Are we children?”
“I mean, I guess not. Doesn’t stop my five year old humor though,” he smiled, kicking his foot up to splash her with an inkling of water as his childlike, petty comeback. “You ask first.”
Y/N pushed her hand through the water to spray him in an ounce of sea salt before turning her head back to the sky, contemplating her first question. “Mm… favorite color?” She already knew the answer.
“And you asked me if we’re children? C’mon, darling, know you wanna know more than tha’. Pink. What was your first impression of me?” He wiggled his eyebrows, even though she couldn’t see his face. This has been one of those things that’s been nagging at the back of his mind ever since they first met. Their first encounter wasn’t awkward per-se, but the fleeting moment of introduction wasn’t exactly one worth remembering either. But, Harry was always going to remember it. And depending on Y/N’s answer, he hopes she will too.
At this, she turned her head back to Harry, hand covering her eyes as the sun glared at them over the reflective water. It was a sight to behold, seeing Harry glow in the golden hour light. “Intimidating. But, also unique,” she began, moving to sit herself up and paddle her board around so she was now facing him. “You remind me of a singular cloud in an otherwise clear sky. You’re not meant to be there, yet you’re not out of place.”
Harry sat for a moment, staring. Completely in awe. Head over heels. Never would’ve guessed those words to be the ones tumbling from her lips. It was the way she didn’t hesitate in her sentence, as if those words had been formulated a while ago and just now was she able to spew it from her wordbank. Just for him. “Fuck, that was beautiful. Your turn.”
“Do you really think you’re better off alone?”
Harry pursed his lips, looking off into the distance for a brief moment before shrugging, “I do. But, I don’t. If it comes down to going back to my family and friends from home or being alone, I’ll choose being alone.” And he wanted to sprinkle in the little bonus that he doesn’t feel alone when he’s around her, but something tells him that’ll just turn her away. “What’re you so afraid of?”
It’s a brash question Y/N wasn’t expecting to be thrown at her so suddenly. She has a mix of answers, and there’s a specific one flashing in her mind like a bright, neon yellow sign, but she’s not certain how comfortable she is with telling him yet. Though, she notices that whatever question she could throw his way, he’d answer it truthfully, not scared of opening himself up, just for her. She wants to be brave like that, and maybe she can be, but she’s not sure how.
It comes as a surprise to her when she does say, “I’m scared of going through everything that happened last year all over again. Everyone’s afraid of dying, or at least most people are, but experiencing death… there’s really no coming back from that. ”
“Experiencing it?” He looks at her wide-eyed.
“What, you haven’t heard of what happened last year?” She looks at him, eyebrows scrunched. 
“Only know you had some accident. No offense, but I didn’t really bother myself with reading the fine print,” he shrugs, running his pruney fingers through his salted hair. He didn’t know if he wanted to read it, especially not with the sudden news that apparently this very alive, lively girl in front of him… died? He doesn’t think he could stomach reading about that.
Y/N hasn’t met a single person who hasn’t heard about what happened to her. Or at least the details of it. In reality she doubts anyone outside of Hawaii knows of her existence, but in her world it was the biggest news to affect the state in a while -- aside from, like, actual serious matters, her accident was up there on the news.
She evades his second question though, not wanting to cough up the traumatic details of her past; not yet at least. “Well, it’s my turn anyway. Why surfing?”
“I could just look it up, but I get it; you’ll tell me when you’re ready,” he gave her a playful look, pursing his lips while giving her a pointed stare. “It’s different. England isn’t known for surfing. It’s known for rain and football. But, with every possible detail of m’life, I wanted to make sure I was different. My dad wanted me to become a professional footy player, so I said no. M’mum wanted me to go and get a degree and a real job. I didn’t want that. So, I turned to surfing,” he swung his arms around, gesturing to the vast sea and the board below him.
“Plus, it’s given me an excuse to leave home and come here. And y’know, so I could meet you.”
Y/N felt a small blush creep up her skin again, her eyes shooting down to her lap and her feet that were distorted under the water. Harry’s infatuation with the girl isn’t a secret, but anytime he purposely makes it known, it’s like a little secret that she’s unsure if she’s supposed to know or not. “Meet me?”
Harry kicked his foot up again so water would splash at her. “Uh-uh, my turn,” he laughed, shaking his head. He knew she thought she was slick at the way she bit her lip, containing her laughter. If she wants to play by the rules of the nonsensical game, then so will he. “Sunrise or sunset?”
“Sunset. Favorite song?” She wanted to reel back from the serious talk for a moment.
“Too many to choose from. Favorite movie?” He wanted to know every nitty-gritty detail about her.
She pondered for a moment, “Mamma Mia.”
“No shit! Me too!” His mouth dropped in shock, his hand flying up to his chest. 
“Really?”
“No,” he shook his head, immediately blocking the massive splash he sensed coming. 
Y/N rolled her eyes, huffing at him whilst crossing her arms over her torso, “Are you always so insufferable?”
“S’my middle name, babe. You hungry?” He laid himself down on his board on his belly, paddling himself to face the beach, ready to make a head start for the beach. Y/N hummed a response, following in suit and settling her stomach against the belly of the board and pushing herself to land. “Cool, let’s go get something to eat then I’ll take you home.”
Y/N’s legs felt weak, yet appreciative back on the sand. It felt like she was walking on Jell-O as she went to pick up her towel and clothes. Looking down to her shirt, she knew it was out of the question to let him see her take it off. And she could turn her back so he wouldn’t see her front -- whether or not it’s clad in a bikini top -- but even then her heart raced at the thought. She held her t-shirt in her hands and thought it over for a moment before blurting, “Could you turn around please?”
Harry looked up from checking his phone quickly, tilting his head in confusion before looking down to the shirt in her hands. The dots are connected and the bright neon pink sign in his head is telling him to listen to her, and not to question it. So, he doesn’t. Just for her. It’s still unbeknownst to Harry why she never takes her shirt off, but he knows better than to think with his dick, and accepts her wishes, turning his back to her. 
Y/N lets out a small breath of relief, grateful he didn’t question her on it. She’s quick to rip off her shirt and pat dry her wet skin before hastily throwing on her dry one, giving Harry the OK to turn back around. 
“Sorry, I just… I’m not comfortable with anyone seeing my, uh, my scar,” she mumbles, nervously moving her hair from one shoulder over to the other. Harry shrugs in response, picking his board up from the ground and wrapping his arm around her shoulder as they began their walk back to his car.
“You don’ have to explain yourself to me, babe,” he smiled down at her, squeezing her to his side softly.
Y/N looked up at him, and she’s sure that if she could see herself right now, her eyes would be twinkling in delight, with adoration. Just for him. “Thank you.”
They didn’t say anything else for a few minutes, walking the distance to his lonesome Jeep in peace. The silence gave Y/N time to think and to mull over all of the gushy feelings she was feeling inside about the guy beside her. She had no reason not to like him, realizing it was only fear that was pushing her away. But, this night displayed a soft side to Harry that she fell head over heels for. His smooth, easy-going approach to life, mixed in with respect for her, and a hint of witty humor was enough to tell her how she truly feels about him. And she’s scared, not because she’s afraid, but because she’s not.
Y/N can find herself easily opening up to Harry quicker than she has anyone else because she trusts him. She can just tell he’s got nothing to hide, so in-turn she wants to be the same. She doesn’t want to cower away, but revel in happiness. Because she deserves it.
Harry quickly secured the boards back into their previous spots before sliding into the driver side and whisking them away from their little getaway. The wind swept through their hair and chilled their still slightly wet skin, causing goosebumps to trail up Y/N’s arm as chills raked through her body. This time around in the car they both were more laid back, not singing along to the songs playing on the radio but rather just listening and taking in the blissful atmosphere they’ve created.
There’s been one question dancing across her mind though ever since he brought up the little game of twenty questions. It was the first one to pop up in her mind when she was thinking of something juicy to ask. She didn’t want to ask it though, in fear of what his answer would be. But, now she’s not afraid. She’s curious though.
“Is this a date?” She queried, turning the volume of the radio down a bit so he could hear her and vice versa. 
Harry glanced at her through his peripheral, one eyebrow cocking up on his forehead, “Is the sky blue?”
“I mean, right now it’s like orange-blue,” she retorted, looking at the newly sun-ridden sky that blended shades of orange into the usual night blue. 
“Brainiac. There’s your answer. It’s however you want to look at it,” he digressed, reaching over to pat her thigh - in more of a friendly manner rather than sensual.
She appreciated his answer, absolutely adoring the fact that he wasn’t putting pressure on her about anything. It was hard to comprehend just how nice he truly is, and how someone could be so perfect. She couldn’t see a flaw in his looks or his personality or his morals, and all she could wonder was how someone like him could possibly like someone like her. “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you, Harry.”
He side glanced at her again, this time raising both of his eyebrows in puzzlement, “I’ll take tha’ as a good thing?”
“It’s good. It’s… it’s a good thing.”
❊ ❊
The two of them had discussed where they wanted to go, neither of them wanting to decide and going back and forth with one another, saying, “No, you decide,” “No you.”
Y/N was never good at decisions, especially mundane ones like where to eat. She always lets Kalani decide because she could eat anything, and it’s her friend that’s the picky one. But, Harry is the same way. Whatever is put in front of him, he could probably eat (except for pickles, he absolutely hates pickles).
They settled for pizza. And it was going to be Harry’s first time trying a slice of Hawaiian.
Y/N hates Hawaiian slices, finding the sweetness of the pineapple and the savor of the ham unsettling atop her pizza. It sends her taste buds into shock and her mind into a meltdown. But, she insisted he try it, because how could someone be in Hawaii and not try its state-named slice?
They sat at their little table in the corner of the restaurant that was alongside a window, giggling to themselves as they played a little game of eye-spy, waiting for their food. For some odd reason, Harry was really good at this game, always picking the hardest of objects to point out, always stumping a frustrated Y/N.
“You’re cheating.”
“How the fuck am I cheating?”
“Dunno, you just are.”
And in retaliation to her accusation, Harry pointed to her shirt, stating she got a little soda on it, causing her to look down to her chest and see nothing but finger as he flicked her nose. “Too easy. Sore loser.”
Y/N huffed, sticking her tongue out at him. The playful banter between them was the best part of their days lately. Before Y/N even realized her feelings for Harry, she always looked forward to what they would bicker about -- in a friendly matter of course. Now, she constitutes that to just wanting to see him because she really enjoys his company, and him. 
It’s been a long time since she’s felt this way about anyone, and she’s sort of glad she gets to feel this way about Harry. He’s an enigma, but a good one. She’s totally transfixed by him and she never wants this euphoria to end. He radiates this bright and bubbly energy that lifts her mood whenever she’s around him, and she’s afraid of losing that. But, she chooses not to dwell on the what-if, instead completely basking in the present and his gooey aura of happiness. 
When the food finally came out, they both were quick to stuff their faces, their stomachs practically turning inside-out from how hungry they were. It came to no surprise to Harry that he was absolutely in love with this Hawaiian slice, already looking forward to ordering two more. 
Y/N looked at him a tad worried. He was scoffing down three slices as if there were no tomorrow, all within a matter of two minutes. She was slightly worried he was going to reach over and take her dinner, because that’s how hungry he seemed to be. But, he should know better than to get between Y/N and her food. Like the one time he tried to take some of her fries, to which she punched him in the shoulder and then took them back.
“Hey, y’gonna eat that?” He points to her not yet touched slice of pizza, earning a glare that could kill in response. “Cool, you are, just making sure. Can’t let precious food go t’waste. It’s my turn for a question right?”
Y/N thinks back for a second to determine if he’s right or not, remembering she did ask a question last. She nodded her head before biting into her little piece of heaven. 
“Was it hard getting back in the water?”
She brought her napkin up to her mouth to wipe away the drop of sauce she felt on her cheek, mulling over her answer. “Kinda. I knew I had to eventually because it’s all I know, it was just a matter of when. My parents were terrified, and I mean I was too but I can’t let that dictate my future. I love surfing and nothing is going to take that away from me.”
Not even something as horrifying as death could take her away from her true love. Not until she’s truly six-feet under, riding silver waves in the silver palace. 
“Do you think you’re going to stay here? In Hawaii?” Y/N wondered, taking a sip of her Coke.
“Got nowhere else to be,” he shrugged, mindlessly tapping his fingers on the table in an arrhythmic pattern. “Home is where the heart is, right? Well, think mine’s here right now.” Across from her. Just for her.
Home is where the heart is.
“Does it count if my heart isn’t mine?”
Last year, Y/N was going about her day like she always did. She was fine, in tip-top shape just like she had been for the past twenty years of her life. The bright sun was out and shining over all of the surfers and onlookers, and it seemed just like every other regular day. She was paddling out into the water, and the perfect, golden first wave was approaching her. She pushed herself up onto her feet, balancing her body, in tune with the wave, executing a nearly perfect opener. Then, she felt her chest tighten and her body suddenly felt weak. Breathing rapidly grew difficult, causing her to instantly panic. She fell off her board, plummeting into the water, trying to gasp for air but choking on the sea that swimmed down her throat. 
Feeling herself sink as her chest was on fire was the last she remembered. The baby blue sky blended into black and that was it. Her life was over. 
Kalani was the one who went in after her, screaming for help as her best friend was blue in the face and not moving. 
Y/N suffered a heart attack. Apparently, she had a condition called hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, that went unnoticed all her life. On this day, her heart had thickened extensively, making it difficult to pump blood to the rest of her body. The strain on her heart caused it to give out, right when she was feeling the high of riding a solid wave. She was pronounced dead for a total of forty-five seconds before EMT could revive her. Supposedly she’s lucky to be alive, because if not treated basically instantly, there’s a slim chance of survival. But, she was able to stick it out until the hospital.
Her heart was in brutal shape, so she was sent to the top of a donor waiting list. Y/N and her family are forever grateful for the team of doctors and nurses that stuck by her side, knowing she wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for them. Or her sheer luck.
Y/N felt a little crazy for feeling so comfortable spilling all of this information so suddenly to Harry, but at the same time she didn’t. And the best part about it is that none of it seems to freak Harry out. Nothing about who she is or how she is scares him. And that’s what makes her feel so comfortable. “My scar, it’s from a heart transplant. I had a heart condition all my life apparently. Then suddenly one day, it couldn’t handle it anymore, so it gave out. A girl named Shauna’s heart is keeping me alive right now.”
Harry didn’t blink for a whole minute.
He opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water, trying to come up with something, anything to say to the girl across from him. But, he had nothing. He didn’t know what to say.
His silence was a little concerning to Y/N, making her wish she could just be swallowed whole by the ground below her. Was it too soon to drop the HT bomb? He was bound to find out eventually, and she figured it was best to rip the bandaid off on her own time rather than someone else telling him or him looking it up on Google. 
She’s kicking herself over it. 
Harry cleared his throat, taking a sip of his water before licking his lips and leaning back in his chair. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
Y/N merely shrugged, “Don’t be. Shit happens. Who knows, if it never happened we may not be here now.”
Harry raised his eyebrows, his signature small smirk back on his face in its usual spot. He raised his glass, leaning it forward a bit toward her, stating, “Cheers to that, babe.” She raised her own glass and clinked it against his, a smile on her lips as she sucked up the remaining bit of her soda through her straw. She’s happy he didn’t turn and run away.
Cheers to that, babe.
By the time they both filled their guts to the point of feeling overstuffed, mindlessly chatting and spending time together, it was already past ten o’clock. The time had passed them by like it was nothing, but they weren’t necessarily complaining. The older couple next to them were though. Y/N had to pull Harry out of the restaurant before he bit the woman’s head off for how rude she was. That’s when they knew it was time to skedaddle.
Then they just drove around for another hour before Harry figured it was time to bring her home, much to his dismay. But, when her head lolled against the passenger seat headrest and her eyes would softly shut in exhaustion. He wanted desperately to reach over and tuck the loose strand of hair that fell out of her ponytail, behind her ear. He wanted to reach over and place his hand on her thigh as they drove down the highway, softly squeezing her skin before teasingly inching up towards her hidden gem.
Is it too soon to be in love?
It was like a slap in the face when Harry parked in front of her house. Reality stuck its nose into their little wonderland bubble, and unfortunately, they couldn’t push it back out.
Harry hopped out of his seat, unfastening her board from the trunk and tucking it under his arm as they walked side-by-side to her front door. He gently placed it down where he had initially found it earlier on, tucking his lips into his mouth as he stuck his hands in his pockets.
“I uh… I guess this is it. I had a really ni-”
“I’ve got one more question before you leave me,” he interrupted her little speech, stepping impossibly closer to her, barricading her between him and the banister on her porch. It wasn’t hard to notice the long stares at her shiny lips that glinted in the dull yellow glow of the light by the door. He purposely took extra time to rake over the features of her face before finally meeting her eyes. 
Y/N swallowed nothing but air as she softly bit at her bottom lip, “Yeah?”
She already knew his question.
“Can I kiss you?”
He already knew her answer.
Y/N slyly looked at him, bringing her hands up, a bit hesitant to rest on his shoulders. “I thought this wasn’t a date.”
“Sky’s blue.” Y/N looks up at the sky and notices it’s dark blue hue, twinkling stars layers on top, surrounding the fullest, brightest moon. It was a beautiful sky, perfect to share a first kiss under.
He leaned forward, resting his forehead against hers as his hands came up to her hips. Her eyes fluttered shut, waiting for the climactic moment to overcome them, the air of the night chilling up her spine.
But, then she felt fiery, red hot as their lips locked together in a soft kiss. It was as soft as they felt towards one another. This giddy, slow paced, admiring kiss that had their insides melting but their hearts pounding. This kiss is exactly how Y/N images Harry. A pale yellow that’s not harsh on the eyes, that resonates happiness. Harry imagines it as a hot pink, one that takes his breath away and captures his mind.
It wasn’t long before it turned heated, Harry’s tongue sweeping into her mouth, and one of his hands travelling further south to grab hold of the flesh of her behind. Y/N let out a soft moan into his mouth as her hands tangled into his mound of curls, tugging softly on his roots.
Then the disturbing image of either one of her parents opening the front door at any moment flashed across her eyes, causing her to pull back, kissing his bottom lip softly before trailing her thumb over the swollen skin and opening her eyes to look into his gaudy, green ones.
The sounds of their breaths mingled together as tired smiles adorned their faces, little giggles leaving each of their mouths as they basked in what just happened. All Harry could think was, ‘It’s about damn time.’ All Y/N could think was, ‘Why did I ever push him away?’
“My turn,” she spoke after a few moments, standing up straighter and fixing her shirt around her body. “Pick me up tomorrow?”
A wide, shit-eating grin spread out across Harry’s face as he ran his hand through his mangled curls. “Sunrise. If y’not in this exact spot in the morning, m’knocking the door down and dragging you out by y’hair.” He hopped down off the porch, completely skipping the steps as the adrenaline of their first kiss kicked into his system.
“Sunrise,” she agreed.
He hopped back into the driver’s side of his Jeep, throwing his hand up in a goodbye wave as he sped away, already counting down the seconds until he would see his golden ray of bright and bubbly sunshine again. He’s not so sure if he’ll be able to fall asleep.
Y/N didn’t have that same problem. The moment she landed on her bed, her eyes shut faster than the speed of light, her last conscious thought being of Harry. Her smile never leaving her face. 
❊ ❊
Meeting at sunrise had become part of their routine. Not always to surf, but just to be together. Sometimes they surfed at their little alcove, other times they would watch the sun from her backyard, snuggled up in blankets on the beach. Or, they would surf, get breakfast, then fall back asleep in his bed until a more decent hour of morning.
But, their day always began at sunrise. It would be the equivalent to say that it also ended at sunset, but sunset was always too soon to part ways. 
This wasn’t an everyday occurrence, mostly at random. Except for Sundays. Sundays are specifically their day, as per request of Harry. How could he be in love with a girl that coined yellow as her color, that had a smile as bright as the huge burning star, that claimed golden hour was prime sun time, and not deem Sunday as their day? He didn’t put any second thought into it.
Despite their sort of fast paced first date, they’ve been taking things slow, truly getting used to the feel of one another over the course of the next couple of months. It wasn’t until a month later that Harry popped the question, officially making Y/N his forever buddy-buddy. Well, not necessarily forever, but they both know it’s basically forever.
Harry never wants to be alone again.
It wasn’t until the night after they became official that Y/N finally took her shirt off in front of him. She was going through one of her episodes, and Harry was the only one around who could help her. He managed to calm her down and bring her inside her house - that was empty because her parents had gone out for the night - and get her to the bathroom so she could take a shower.
Initially, he was going to let her get in by herself, knowing her boundaries in regards to her body and not seeing it. But, when he saw how worn down she looked, he whispered words of reassurance in her ear, asking her permission to help get her in the shower. He wasn’t thinking with his dick, he just wanted to help the girl that didn’t know how to help herself.
Y/N looked him in the eyes, nibbling softly on her bottom lip before averting her attention to her chest for a few moments. She trusts him, and if they’re bound to work out, she needs him to be comfortable with seeing all aspects of her both mentally and physically. Which includes her scar. 
So, she nods her head in agreement.
She lifted her arms and allowed him to remove her shirt, immediately feeling self-conscious. She couldn’t look him in the eyes as she stepped out of her shorts and underwear, going into the shower to avoid any lingering stares. Harry was quick to follow behind her, shutting the curtain after him. That’s when Y/N turned around and completely broke down, the tears that have been building behind her eyes finally pouring out. Harry wrapped her in his arms, letting her cry her eyes out for however long she needed.
When she stopped, Harry washed her hair, washed her body, washed away her bad thoughts, then washed himself as fast as he could so he could get her into her bed for the night. She snuggled up to his side, enjoying the warmness of his body that contrasted her cool ones. 
That night when her parents came home, they spotted Harry’s Jeep in front of their house. Though when the house was eerily quiet, and found the door to her bedroom slightly ajar, they peeked inside and saw the two of them fast asleep. Parents usually would get angry at the sight of their child in bed with someone of a different gender, but not Y/N’s parents.
Over the last two months, they saw their daughter break back out of her shell, slowly returning to her former self, and all because of Harry. They saw how happy she became whenever he was around, or they’d overheard happy she was when just talking about him to Kalani. How could they ever get angry at the fact that Y/N was happy?
With the blossoming of their relationship taking place at the same time as the Vans Triple Crown, word got around fast and soon enough they were the star couple leading the ranks in their respective divisions. The world -- or really the surfing world, because no one really pays attention to professional surfers, was in awe of them. They were the hype of the news, of the town, of the state. Rightfully so, because they’re awfully cute. 
It came as no surprise to everyone when the two were crowned the champions. The press went wild with this one, stating there was some scam happening behind the scenes, because what were the odds that this new star couple could both win? Or, how could Harry, a newbie, shoot his way up to the top in just one year? Or, how could Y/N dominate with her physical ailments? 
There wasn’t a hoax and there wasn’t any cheating. They both were just that good.
The day of the final competition, they may have worked just a little harder to land the championship title. Harry had picked Y/N up and they traveled to their secret hideaway bright and early in the morning. After being out at a party the night before, the two were in no shape to get in the water already, opting to snooze under the shade of a cliff on the beach for a little while. 
They didn’t sleep for very long before they got wrapped up in one another, indulging in a morning session of intimate love. They slept for maybe an hour before Y/N was ready to get her swim on, but Harry was the biggest sack of lazy mush that morning. He didn’t want to get up for nothing. He was laying down on his surfboard, completely comfortable under the shade. Y/N tried tugging on his arms to get him up, but he wouldn’t budge, a half-sleepy and dazed smile on his lips.
At one point he tugged her back, causing her to land on his lap, legs straddling his hips as her face crashed into his chest. His arms wrapped around her back, securing him to her as he said, “See? Isn’t this so much better than physical activity?”
“C’mon tubby, we got shit to do,” Y/N giggled, but Harry just held onto her tighter and nuzzled his cheek to the top of her head.
He hummed, “S’comfortable here.”
Y/N didn’t know what else to do, so the only maneuver left was bribery. Harry’s no different than any guy in the sense that once sex is brought into the mix, his ears perk up and his dick stiffens. So, Y/N was going to use that to her advantage. “If you get up, you can fuck me all night tonight.”
Harry was quick to sit up, her still in his lap, eyes squinted in suspicion. Y/N bit her lip to refrain from laughing, but she was mentally patting herself on the back. His hands shifted down her back to grab onto the flash of her behind, pulling her center closer to his and building up a bit of friction. “How about right now and tonight?”
“I can’t be exhausted for today, H,” Y/N rolled her eyes, moving to get herself off his lap, but he kept her grounded.
“You don’t ‘ave to get in the water now. You’ve practiced, you’re prepared, you got this. The championship is practically in your hands already,” he disclosed, peppering kisses up the side of her neck, a few across her jawline, and then landing on her lips.
Even if that may be true, she doesn’t want that to stop her from putting effort and time into winning. “Harry…” she started, getting lost in the feel of his lips suckling a lovebite right in the crook of her neck, her most sweet spot. He lifted his hips up slightly, pushing against her heat, eliciting the smallest moan from her mouth.
“Bet y’soaking your suit. Can I see?”
They only have a limited amount of time before they need to get to the Northshore at Ehukai Beach Park for the competition. It was about a forty-five minute drive alone. But, Harry’s lips and fingers were way too persuasive, so Y/N nodded her head.
“Good girl.”
He lifted her up so her back was now against the belly of his pink board, her legs immediately wrapped around his broad shoulders as he placed a chaste kiss to her clothed core. She whined as he hooked his fingers into her bikini bottoms, dragging them tortuously slow down her legs. His eyes immediately attracted themselves to her glistening slit, her wetness practically inviting him in. “So fucking pretty, baby.”
Harry’s hands pushed her legs as far apart as they would go, licking a fat stripe up from her little hole to her sensitive clit. Y/N threw her head back as he focused his attention on her clit, swirling his tongue around the little bud before sucking it into his mouth. She was a whimpering mess, but that earned her a smack on the ass and a first warning from Harry.
“No one’s around. Let me hear you loud and clear,” he gave her a pointed look, keeping their eye contact as he went a little further south, pushing the tip of his tongue into her cunt. Y/N tried closing her legs around his head but Harry just pushed them open further, keeping a firm grip on her thighs that were bound to leave bruises. Bruises just for her. 
Her jaw fell slack, moans tumbling past her pink lips louder and louder. Her nails dug into his shoulders, most likely leaving scratches he’ll find later when they’re stinging in the shower. Just for him.
Y/N was growing restless as he inserted his middle and ring finger inside of her, pushing and pulling them at an intense pace that caused her toes to curl in the sand by his hips. When he managed to push his index finger in alongside the other two, Y/N began to see stars at the stretch of her walls.
“So tight f’me. Imagine it was my cock instead. Would feel so good and full, but you’d be too exhausted for later, hm?” He cooed, letting her adjust to the extra digit inside of her before fucking her harder and faster than before. He kissed up her tummy that was visible from under her shirt before landing his forehead against hers.
His free hand grabbed a hold of her jaw, making her face him which caused her eyes to open up quickly, locking eye contact with one another. “S’a shame. M’so hard, like a fucking rock. But you’ll be too tired.”
Teasingly, Y/N nodded her head in agreement, earning a hard glare from her lover. At this, he stopped the movement of his fingers, slowly pulling them out of her. Y/N’s mouth opened wide, her eyebrows scrunching in confusion as Harry sucked his fingers past his lips, indulging in her sweetness that tasted like a little sliver of heaven. 
“Wh-wha…?”
“Close y’mouth, Y/N. Gonna catch flies,” he smirked, reaching over for her bikini bottoms and sliding them back up her legs until they were nestled against her soaking wet, throbbing pussy. “Said it y’self. Can’t be exhausted for the finale today, gotta be quick on your feet and coasting the gnarliest waves. C’mon slow poke, gotta get some practice in.”
So, Y/N was pissed off to say the least. And because of this, she was extra determined to push herself as far as she could to come out on top today. Harry on the other hand, well he was just mad that he had an insane hard-on that his own girlfriend didn’t want to tend to. He should’ve expected his little stunt wouldn’t go over nicely, but the look on her face when he stopped was absolutely priceless.
When it was announced that Y/N and Harry had won in their divisions everyone was beyond elated at the news, cheers and hugs and kisses spread all around the group. Though when it was their turn to congratulate each other, they looked at each other, small smiles on their faces before they turned to make conversation with someone else. That didn’t stop them from reaching for one another though, slyly interlocking their hands together.
They were whisked away quickly for pictures, holding their trophies high in the air, the biggest smiles on their faces. Y/N’s parents were cheering them on, more specifically her because they were so proud she was able to take her life back. Y/N could cry at the sight of her mother being a blubbering mess, and her dad’s admiration sparkling across his eyes. Though, with the support of her family, Y/N’s mind couldn’t help but wonder about Harry’s family, and how they couldn’t support their son with what he loved. 
With this, Y/N squeezed his hand harder, and despite the cameras around them, she leaned up on her tiptoes and placed a kiss to his lips, the clicks of the cameras and the chatter of the crowd increasing. But, neither of them cared as they looked at one another, full of love.
Because that’s what this was. Love.
It didn’t matter that they had only met a little over three months ago, only dating for two months. They were in love. And that’s all that mattered.
Going out to dinner that night, they hardly left each other’s sides. They were being that obnoxious clingy couple that no one likes being around, but they didn’t care. Because they both knew they were in love. An unspoken love that didn’t have to be announced because the whole world knew, and so did they.
“Cheers to the love birds! And for the love of God, could you stop looking at each other like that,” AJ gagged, causing everyone to laugh before they clinked glasses.
When they left the restaurant, Harry and Y/N hopped into Betty, driving around for a little while before they decided to stay at his for the night. It was when the wind was blowing in her hair again, the moon shining above them and shining through her hair, his hand gently on her thigh, squeezing softly in contrast to that morning, that Harry truly felt it. This love that he has for this girl. Love that’s meant just for her. Her, and only her.
This gushy feeling was put on hold for a little while though the moment they walked through the door of his apartment. Y/N was bent over the arm of his living room couch, her one leg bent and on the armrest beside her while the other was trying its best to keep her steady on the ground. Harry’s fist was wrapped up in her hair, proving to make it more difficult for her to keep her balance. Though she wouldn’t want it any other way. 
“What’s the matter, babe? You said I could fuck you all night.” Harry’s hot breath coated the shell of her ear, “Y’tired?”
She gasped at a particularly hard thrust that felt like it had hit against her cervix, trying to get the word No out in between her moans and whimpers. 
“Hope not. Had me aching all day for your tiny cunt. M’gonna need a few hours to really appreciate it.” She could feel his menacing smirk against her skin as he again thrusted so far deep inside of her, her one leg gave out. If it wasn’t for Harry holding her up, she would’ve fell right over, too weak to even try and get back up.
They went twice on the couch before Harry helped her get to the shower, where they did it again. And then when they finally cleaned themselves, they got into bed, where they did it again, but this one could be classified under love-making. It was slow and sensual and sweet, just like them. Harry paid extra attention to her scar, trailing down the tissue with soft kisses as they softly climaxed together.
It was a little past midnight at this point, and they were both extremely tired. Y/N was on the brink of dozing off into dreamland before Harry interrupted her exhaustion. 
“We never finished our game of twenty questions, did we?” He murmured, pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear.
Y/N lazily opened her eyes, shaking her head, “Don’t believe so.”
“Think it’s my turn,” he hummed. “Do you love me?”
There was silence for a brief couple of seconds, making Harry think Y/N had dozed off before answering his question. But, Y/N just needed those seconds to collect her mushed thoughts inside of her mushy brain before giving him a coherent and valid response.
“Yeah. I do.”
Harry smiled, probably the biggest he’s ever smiled, leaning down and taking hold of her face and smashing their lips together in a ceremonious kiss.
“Sick. Ditto, Sunshine.”
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blinder-secrets · 4 years ago
Text
Count For Me
tommy x anxious reader, 2164 words
a/n: i’m not gonna say the reader is having a panic attack specifically, more that they’re experiencing a lot of anxiety, so take that with a pinch of salt pls. i’m not suggesting this is how all anxiety feels or that it can be alleviated like this every time, im just basing it on my own experiences so enjoy!
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You’re sat in the kitchen, or rather, the stairwell to the kitchens. You had every intention of making it there, of sitting at the large oak table in the fore-room, and having tea. Bread. Of letting Frances relax and serving yourself. But, instead, you’re on the last step down, legs bouncing on the balls of your feet.
It can only be described as fretting, incessant worry; your mind is agonising over things already done, over what’s to come next. It isn’t guns, or business, or family arguments that’s got you. It’s something invisible. Unknown, but biting away regardless. It’s sitting on the step and thinking about everything, and nothing — it’s losing yourself entirely, feeling the hand tighten around your throat, the dread, the weight of it in your chest. You sit and you feel afraid. After all you’ve seen in the world, all you’ve been through with Tommy. It’s your own head that works itself against you now, your own commentary that rots your mind in the quiet moments. Fuck. If you said it aloud they’d laugh you out the room. If you told Pol she’d say you were sick, that you needed air and spirits, and none of this Shelby wreckage to pull you down.
‘In the kitchen, Sir.’
Oh, Christ, Tommy’s home. You hear him, direct and toward where you're hiding. From his footsteps, it seems like he’s coming from the opposite wing, so he’ll make it into the kitchen before you ever did.
He calls your name through the hallway. It bounces off the cool tiles.
‘I’m here, Tommy,’ you say back in a false tone; you dread him finding you more than the rest of it.  
You’ve got maybe a minute to collect yourself, but from the way your feet are sinking through the stone of the floor beneath you, that’s not going to happen. He arrives in the kitchen, says your name again. He can’t see you from where he is.
‘On the stairs,’ you tell him.
Once he’s in front of you, your energy spikes. It’s easier to ignore the feeling when you’re with him. He tucks it away for you, somewhat, just a bit. ‘What is it?’ he asks, shaking his head slightly, his lips parted. A cigarette leaks smoke from between his fingers. He’s taken his coat off, but the jacket’s still there. Still dressed like he could leave again at any moment.
‘Nothing.’ You smile. ‘Are you back now?’
‘For now,’ he answers. He steps forward, places the back of his hand against your forehead. ‘Are you sick?’
‘No. Just wanted to sit somewhere.’
He doesn’t believe you, he knows you too well. You still your knees but they’re bouncing again before you can offer an explanation.
‘Tell me,’ he insists, clueless.
Where do you start? What could you possibly say that would make sense. I was going to make lunch, Tommy, but then I sat down here and I couldn’t get up again. ‘Nothing,’ you repeat, pausing to force a swallow. ‘I don’t know, really.’
He takes a drag. On the exhale, he offers the smoke to you, silent but willing to help. You shake your head; it’s not your habit, it doesn’t calm you like it does with him.
‘Has something happened?’ he asks. He’s patient, waiting for you to give him a way in, prepared to go slow when you need it.
‘No, nothing’s happened.’ Nothing you knew of. You were doing fine, going about the day like normal, and then suddenly you weren’t. It had already swamped you before you realised it was coming. ‘It’s just my head,’ you say, forcing the words over a breath that hadn’t quite made it. ‘I think it’s out to get me, Tom.’
He sighs. His lips pour smoke onto the tiles as he looks down. Another stress for him: you sat on his shoulders like the rest of it did, weighed him down without meaning to. You feel yourself rock forward, your head pulling into your chest, like there’s string attached from your chin to your heart and now it’s constricting. ‘Sorry,’ you pant, though you may have said it in your head. It could’ve been a thought amongst the sea and you wouldn’t have known. Sorry for the stress, Tommy, sorry for it all.
‘Hey,’ he says, repeating it firmly after a pause. ‘Hey. Look at me.’ His hand goes to your face, fingers leading your chin upwards until your gaze is on him. ‘Whatever it is, it’s just noise, alright? Just shit in the trough.’
Your lids drop a fraction. ‘Tommy…’
‘No.’ He shakes his head. ‘You’re here, with me, right, in the kitchen. Don’t let it pull you under.’
You don’t want to. You’re scanning him, looking for something to ground you, the gold of his cufflink, the button of his waistcoat. Nothing sticks. You’re trying to focus but it’s splitting your attention again. Filling your head with the noise, the pull, the drag. ‘I think I’m going mad,’ you say. Your head’s so tight you can’t make sense of it.
His brows draw together. You focus on the crease in the skin between them. ‘What is it?’ he asks. ‘Eh? What’s worrying you so much?’
‘I don’t know,’ you answer honestly. It sounds like a plea but it’s all you can give him.  
You feel like a horse on the track; everything’s past you, behind you, loud in the stands and betting against you. There’s a worry to your left but it’s overtaken by the one on your right. So much at once, too often and too fast to know which is the biggest problem, which is the one causing the damage. If you could pluck something out, you would. If you could tell him, it’d be the first thing you did. There isn’t an answer to his question that doesn’t just make it worse — the more you try to put a name to it, or explain, the harder it gets to breathe. You can feel your heartbeat in your wrists.
Swearing, you drop your head again like it’s a lead weight, letting his fingertips drag up your cheek with the motion. ‘I can’t tell,’ you say weakly. ‘Feels like I’m drowning.’ 
The ring you’re wearing sits loose on your index finger; you spin it around the knuckle nervously, forcing a shallow breath each time the ruby completes a loop. If you look at him again you might cry. He didn’t ask for this, he didn’t know what to do with you anymore than you knew yourself.
Clearing his throat once, Tommy puts the cigarette between his lips and bends to grab you with both hands. He takes you by the elbows, thumbs tight on your arms, and pulls you to your feet before you have room to complain. You try to avoid his gaze, but his head ducks and chases your eyes until you give in.
‘Listen,’ he starts. He takes the cigarette out, blows the smoke away before he talks. ‘I won’t let you, alright? No-one’s drowning here.’ He looks certain, dedicated, his eyes dig through yours and back into the noise. ‘There’s nothing going on in there that we can’t sort. Okay?’
You want to believe him, so you nod. The next breath you take swells your chest into his.
‘Come here,’ he says briskly, pulling you after him as he walks you deeper into the kitchen. ‘When we were in France—stand there.’ You’re put by the table. He goes to the nearest drawer, pilfering through the silverware as he continues, ‘When we were in France, they told us we had to count.’
‘Count?’
‘To still our hands.’ He turns, pushing the drawer shut with his hip, and files through the forks he’s now holding. ‘Bullets, cards. Saw John counting his teeth once.’
You blink like it’ll help you listen. Everything he’s saying is going in, but bouncing back again. It rattles in your ear canal like coins down a well.
‘Here,’ he says, offering them to you. ‘Count them.’
You hesitate. Then he grabs your wrist, sets your palm straight, and pours the cutlery into it.
‘Go on.’
Mumbling an agreement, you turn to the table and put the first fork onto the wood. One. Two. You hope he doesn’t notice the slight shake along your fingers, the clumsiness as you pass forks from one hand to the other.
‘Do it out loud,’ he guides, as he stands beside you. He exhales, dragging it out and pushing the smoke over your shoulder; you’d forgotten he even had one lit.
‘Three,’ you say. ‘Four.’  
All those cigarettes. Lips barely his unless there’s one between them. They’ll get him one day, you think. The cough will get worse and then it’ll be you, on your own in this big house, you looking after Charlie, you with the ache and the grief and the silence.
‘Stop thinking,’ he chides. ‘Count.’
‘Five, six, seven.’ You sigh. The forks clatter on top of one another. ‘Eight, nine. This is stupid, Tommy. Ten.’ You turn to him, expectant of something else, something more helpful.
He just raises his eyebrows, gesturing for you to pick them up again. ‘Now do it over.’
‘Again?’
He nods. The cigarette is extinguished, flicked to the floor and crushed between his sole and the tile. ‘You do it again, and again,’ he lists, ‘until it feels like you can breathe.’
‘Really?’
‘Really.’
It takes four rounds of it before your chest loosens; four tens, over and over, forks placed down and picked up again as you count. He stands in silence the whole time, his hands in his pockets, his eyes on the table. How he doesn’t tire of it, you don’t know. He clears his throat occasionally but doesn’t say anything until you break the rhythm.
‘I think it’s worked,’ you mumble, taking care as you set the last fork down. ‘I feel better.’
It’s not all gone, but you feel calmer. Stiller. Your hands aren’t as jittery and the room feels big again, cold and empty and utilitarian.
He sighs, heavily, thankfully. The noise loud and partnered with a rough tone. ‘Alright,’ he says. He clicks into motion, pulling his hands free and turning to you so that he can bracket them around your face. His fingers are rough, warm, grounding. The rings stamp your cheeks, cold like ice. ‘What did I say, eh? Nothing we couldn’t sort.’
You smile limply and put a hand to his wrist. ‘Thank-you, Tommy.’
You hadn’t expected him to break through it, to make you pause. Breathe. It’s usually the other way around, you calming him. You sifting through the muck. It had never crossed your mind that it would work in reverse.
‘Next time,’ he says quietly, ‘you tell me.’ His chin dips a fraction, blue eyes laced with intent. ‘You tell me as soon as it get’s too much, alright?’
‘Okay,’ you promise, nodding between his palms. ‘Sorry.’
His lip tweaks slightly. ‘What have you got to be sorry for?’ he asks. Then he tilts up to kiss your forehead and, pulling back, utters ‘my silly girl’ under his breath.
You can’t smile. The question almost loses you again. You have plenty to be sorry for, you think, handfuls of apologies shoved into each corner of your brain. ‘Let’s do something,’ you say quickly, chasing the scatter away. ‘Distract me, please.’
He kisses you, lips firm and sure against yours in an agreement, a promise. ‘I have something to show you,’ he says afterwards. His grip on your face drops and he takes a hand instead, fingers curling around your palm. ‘The new horse is here.’
‘It is?’ You cling to him, put your free hand around his bicep and pull tight to his side like the closeness will help. He looks at you like he understands. ‘Well, show me then,’ you push, almost able to smile into it. ‘She was pretty from what I remember.’
‘Very pretty,’ he agrees. ‘Come on.’
You follow him through the house and across the drive. He doesn’t stop talking the whole way, which is unlike him, but he knows any silence will just cause you to slip again, to overthink until you’re tumbling. You answer his questions, dumb as they are, like he doesn’t already know the answers. You tell him what you had for breakfast, what you read in the paper. He asks, and he drawls, and he comments on the bloom of the roses as you pass them. He keeps going and going, until you’re so wrapped up in him, and the house, and the world outside, that everything else falls quiet. Peaceful. He fills your head with his own voice and you thank him for it. You thank him, and you hold on like it’s the only thing keeping you above the water.
‘You alright?’ he asks, checking once you’ve reached the stables.
‘Yes, Tom.’ You smile, meaning it. ‘I’m with you, remember?’
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itsnathateasy · 3 years ago
Note
I demand a part 2 of the uni exchange!eren right now
(But fr pls don't take this as something rude im just joking but for the love of god please do a part2)
full disclosure, this story wasn't supposed to have a second part BUT i think this is what went down afterwards!
and no worries love, i know you meant good! thanks for clarifying it tho! <3
me: let’s not go overboard with this also me: writes a second part that is longer than its original version :/
read part 1 of the uni exchange student!eren
word count: 689
warnings: none exept for heartache
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it’s been a couple of days since you accidentally met eren on the streets and you can’t shake his lovely memory out of your head, you can’t help but reminisce what you two had and its inevitable ending
not uni exchange student!eren was the same but, of course, there’s no way either of you could know the other person’s feelings and thoughts
you decide to take action by first checking to see if the social media platforms of his still exist and are active
some accounts were deleted but luckily he still had the same phone number so he appeared on a messaging app, a green circle next to his contact
not seeing how or why it’d be weird to talk to him after all these years, you click his contact and start typing
“hi! how are you? i hope everything’s working out for you! i was just wondering, i’m in (name of town) for holiday, any chance you’re around? would love to catch up over a cup of coffee! no pressure ofc! take care! x”
“this is y/n btw, from uni (in case you don’t have my number anymore)”
eren’s face lights up when he sees this notif, he’d never deleted your number, he just never could. the fact that you took the initiative to text him gave him the sign that he needed to reach back
“hello! of course! meet me by the (name of monument) at noon? coffee’s on me!”
you guys do meet a few hours later and it’s WOW
you literally stare at each other for a good while, smiling and giggling at each other
eren touches the back of his neck with his hand, obviously too awkward to say a word
you break the silence with a hug first, before adding “it’s been such a long time, i don’t know where to begin! how was your day?”
your question stirred up some talking while you were walking together to a cafeteria that was close by
he briefed you about finishing his studies, getting his first job that he quitted (because his boss was a dick, he claimed, but you took that with a pinch of salt, knowing it’s eren we’re talking about), he’d been saving for a few years though and started his own business, a small restaurant with dishes from all over the world that he promised to take you the following day
you were skilfully avoiding the subject of relationships, but he brought it up, asking you what your situation was
you’d been in a long, yet toxic relationship that finally took its toll on you. you were now broken up and happy about it, thus gifting yourself a few days off in this beautiful city
he, on the other hand, had been dating this person on and off, for a few years, it was a confusing situation were things weren’t too serious but they also weren’t a friends with benefits thing, he didn’t seem to mind talking about it much tho so he filled you in with how they were, in fact, not at their prime currently
you’d already spent about 4 hours together, mainly catching up and him showing you around town
your catching up session was close to its end and you felt the air between you get awkward again
“so, lunch tomorrow, yeah? would love to have you taste my special dish! took your advice and removed the turmeric too”
“i’ll be there, no doubt!” you said and went in for a hug before saying goodbye
as you both pull away, he pulls you in again and gives you a passionate kiss on the lips
you pull back, startled at what just happened, but kiss him back right after
“i wish i could’ve said goodbye like this before leaving you that day” he mumbled not moving further away from your face
“that was 6 years ago eren, don’t dwell on that” you said, not moving away from his embrace either
“not telling you i love you in person has been haunting me ever since”
“it doesn’t have to anymore” you said before giving him one more kiss
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woozisnoots · 4 years ago
Note
Hello alex! Maybe I'm to early for having a emergency request but I haven't really going anywhere outside my house beside buy groceries and I haven't socialize properly in months (maybe there is a bunch of people can relate). It's stressing and make me mentally exhausted for months 😭😭😭 can I request something like joshua fluff or wonwoo fluff that can comfort us? And I get it if you can't do it since I think I'm to early for asking. Anyway hope you have a nice day ❣️
no ofc it’s not too early! pls, i want to do this for you guys 🥺💓 these are meant to be small so i ended up doing both. i hope you enjoy and if you ever need someone to talk to, my inbox and dms are always open!
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𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙦𝙪𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙚 𝙩𝙤𝙜𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧!
° pairing: joshua x reader, wonwoo x reader ° genre: fluff! ° word count: 1214 ° warnings: none! ° tagging: @jaeyoonurl bc she has a thing for j*shua hong
masterlist!
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— joshua
in the scenario that you and joshua are living together in a small apartment complex, he does the slightest bit to annoy you whether it be intentional or not
like he’ll either make you stay in bed with him  longer than usual so you’d be late to a zoom class / meeting
or he’d purposefully flick you behind the ear while you’re cooking which causes you to accidentally pour more than just a pinch of salt on your eggs 
since josh owns that little projector that has slides of all the different constellations, he would turn it on right before you guys go to sleep as you lay next to each other on the bed and just stare at the stars from your ceiling
he loves making jewelry to pass the time while you guys watch netflix together. and wants nothing more than receiving an accessory that you made yourself
“joshua hong, please!” you fling your arms up to reach for the object now in joshua’s hands, much to your avail. “it’s literally so ugly. i beg you, please don’t wear it!” the little jump you add doing nothing but exhaust your energy. 
you knew it was bad idea, you should have trusted your gut the minute joshua left to get the groceries. forty-five minutes was just not enough time for you to possibly make a small thank you gift for you boyfriend. a token to say, ‘this is what three years has gotten us.’
“but you gave it to me!” joshua refutes back. you let your guard down, breathing rapidly in order to catch your breath from the unnecessary movement of having to keep up with him. he, on the other hand, took this as an opportunity to run, sprint away from your wrath and make a clean line for the bathroom before shutting the door to securely lock it in place. 
joshua hears your wallowed out screams coming from the other side and softly chuckles under his breath, wondering when you’ll ever get used to his childish antics at times. he safely unravels his hands to reveal the tiny object. and he can’t help but smile wide, ear to ear, and think, ‘so that’s why i felt something pointy.’ 
you’ve given up at this point. by now, he’s probably already seen your gift and for all you know, everything is doomed. your hand laid flat on top of the door, deciding whether to shrivel in front of him now or wait until he confronts you first. yet, he’s able to make that decision for you as he abruptly opens the door causing you to fall forward straight into his arms. 
“why, hello gorgeous,” you watch from underneath him, the corner of his lip rising up to form a cheeky smirk. you squint your eyes menacing at the thought that he could possibly be wearing the horrid gift you made. tilting your head to the side, you open one eye to catch a glimpse of green hanging from joshua’s left ear. he turns his head just slighty so you could get a better look. “you’ve really out done yourself, if i had anything to say about it. though i have to say, i didn’t think you’d go for the cute food aesthetic. i thought you hated avocados.”
blood immediately rushes towards your cheeks and hide your face from joshua’s vision but he was too quick. using his brute strength, he pulls your weight so you’re standing in front of the mirror, back facing him. your mind spirals as you feel joshua tuck strands of your hair behind your ear. “awe lookie, i knew you’d be wearing the other one,” he says before deliverying a small peck to your cheek, leaving you a scrambled mess. “what a perfect anniversary gift.”
— wonwoo
spending time with wonwoo during quarantine would be rather quiet and simple, but that doesn’t mean your time spent together is boring
having little to nothing to do all day makes you realize how much renovations you guys can do around your home
your morning conversations over breakfast would be about different home décor that you found on amazon and you would end up having such a fun time talking about it because you guys turn them into little debates over if the items are actually necessary 
that being said, wonwoo would be so willing to buy anything that would fill your guys’ boredom. and yes, that would include getting two separate desks, possibly four computer screens, two headsets, two light up keyboards for the heck of it, and of course: two very comfortable gamer chairs
no, he would not let you win at any games for freebies — you gotta earn that shit
out of all the days of the week, nothing was ever reserved for sundays. truly, every day was a free day — lounging around, doing chores, testing new cooking hacks to see if they actually worked. but sundays especially were just extra... boring. the very end of the week with absurd nothing to do. which has led you to spend this sunday morning in front of your dual computer screens with your boyfriend joining you on the other side of the desk.
“damn it!” you exclaim, lightly slamming the keys on your keyboard due to this endless frustration boiling inside of you since you’ve started playing. “how do i keep losing... it’s club penguin for fucks sake!”
your hands collect your face with pure dread and exhaustion, wondering how your supreme logic failed you during card jitsu. you hear a hearty chuckle coming from wonwoo sitting across from you. “the cards are just in my favor, sweetheart.”  he eyes you as he takes the warm cup of coffee to his lips to take a sip. “how about, best two out of three to see who has to make breakfast?” the huskiness of his voice growing deeper with each word, leaving you in trace for just a moment. 
you ponder at the bet, looking back between the screen showcasing your pink penguin and your beautiful barefaced boyfriend, ultimately coming to a decision. “what about. i watch you wipe out your penguin foes for the next few rounds and then we can make breakfast together,” you suggest instead, your mind thinking far beyond your apparently lousy deck of cards. 
“fine by me,” wonwoo shrugged, adjusting himself comfortably to his seat. you silently admire him from where you are, noticing how notably meticulous he was being when he’s focused. wonwoo’s eyes captures yours but gives you a puzzled look. “are you not gonna come over here?” he quietly asks. 
the simple question makes your head drop, feeling embarrassed as you try hard not to show him how flustered he made you. regardless, your legs move without you having to think it over. and instead of sitting on the small space that he left for you on his chair, you move his arm aside to face him before straddling your legs and sitting on his lap. 
wonwoo, completely unfazed, takes his free arm not holding his mouse and tugs you in closer to his chest so you can lay your head on his shoulder. for the remainder of your morning, your eyes slowly start to droop to the sound of penguin screams and victory. 
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ciggylungz · 4 years ago
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Squeeze
Blurb night-
(Request-Harry is taking y/ns virginity and it wont go in 💀 so hes getting like really frustrated and pissed off and y/n is really worried and embarrassed) + they use the safe word request
mash up
word count. 941 (my shortest blurb to date)
__
 Frustrated grunts wasn’t exactly what Y/n thought she’d be hearing during her first time, she expected more along the lines of moaning, cursing and dirty talk but of course things didn’t go her way.
At the moment Harry was holding her vulva apart with one of his hands while trying to push the tip of his cock into her impossibly small opening. He swears it’s never been this hard to stick his dick in something, he really did feel bad that things weren’t going the way either of them wanted it to. He was trying to stay calm, anger and frustration flooding his body because it just wouldn’t fit!
“God fucking damnit!” he seethed through gritted teeth, lost in his own world as he yanked the bottle of lube off the nightstand to cover his fingers in to try and stretch her out so he could fit himself in. What he didn’t notice was how Y/n was almost in tears, she had never felt so embarrassed or useless. All she wanted was to finally have sex for the first time, with her boyfriend but her body just would not cooperate. The one thing she thought she’d be able to give him that was special, she felt she couldn’t even do right.
The rather harsh shoving of his fingers made it worse, he was making progress in the stretching department but the fact she could feel how angry he’d become by how he didn’t pay mind to how his nails were scratching her sensitive walls, his knuckles catching on what’s left of her hymen making the area burn with every couple jabs of his digits yet she couldn’t bring herself to say anything because she felt so guilty.
She felt responsible for Harry getting mad, his frustration, harsh fingering and mumbled curses. She wanted to burst into tears, hide under the covers and never come out. she felt too vulnerable with her intimate parts on full display being roughly treated, she hadn’t imagined her first time being like this at all. Y/n just wanted to enjoy sex with her partner yet instead she’s fallen deep into a mental spiral convincing herself she failed Harry, he wouldn’t love her anymore because she couldn’t even have sex with him effectively.
Everything bad that had happened in the last week started to join the mix. Every sideways glance someone gave her, any time Harry had talked to her in a tone she felt was slightly cross even if it wasn’t, even something as silly as when she tripped up the steps earlier that day when carrying the laundry upstairs managed to swirl in her mind and she felt like complete and utter shit.
“Swear I’ve never had to work so hard to fuck..”
Harry was angrily mumbling to himself, trying to fit his tip in again but Y/n felt disconnected now. Humiliated and so, so sad. Of course she took what he had said personally instead of with a pinch of salt since it was said out of anger not actual fact or feelings, the only thing she could manage to respond with was a whispered, “I’m sorry”. Her plead wasn’t heard though, Harry was too far into focusing on getting inside her beautiful body and the world seemed to be toned out and his determination payed off when his tip finally forged entry inside her, still he wasn’t meant with a smooth glide into her like he expected instead he felt a new sensation of resistance. Y/n was tense, her body in defensive mode and she couldn’t help her muscles clamping down but her bodies reaction did get Harry’s attention.
The man looked at his girls face for the first time in a while, silent tears raced down the sides of her face and puddled in the shell of her ear. Her lips were being chewed on furiously, chest raising and falling unevenly but most of all she looked scared.
“Love?” Harry’s gentle tone heavily contrasted his previous one, fingers delicately rubbing her cheeks and pulling her lip from her teeth. “Love, hey look at me?” she listened, making eye contact with him before whimpering, “Apples Harry, apples”
The tears poured like waterfalls after she finally uttered the words she needed to, soon enough Harry was at her side looking over her delicate body for any noticeable injuries all the while cooing to her and getting her to pay attention to him so he could understand what happened.
“Honey, hey I need you to talk to me. relax, deep breath everything’s alright I swear it.” His lips pressed gentle onto her cheeks, Y/n gaining a bit of composure during that time, “I’m s-sorry Harry…dunno why it wouldn’t work…pl-please don’t leave me. please Harry” it really did break his heart seeing her so distraught, he wasn’t angry at her in the slightest and the thought of leaving wasn’t even on his mind. The only thing he was mad at was the universe, he only wanted to make love to his girl and instead she had whimpered the safe word to him before he’d gotten to properly consummate their relationship.
“Nuh uh, none of that sweetheart. Can’t get rid of m’ that easy, not going anywhere. We can try again whenever you want, time just wasn’t right tha’s all.”
The girl sniffled loudly, nodding her head as she did so. “I love you”
“I love you more”
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wickedbeeao3 · 3 years ago
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Poor Jamil :( someone help him pls
Can you do 26 with Heartslabyul?
(Hi nonnie! Jamil banned Kalim from the kitchen for a reason :))
26- Someone rearranged the kitchen/ingredient labels as a prank
Cater-senpai did say he preferred savoury things so Ace doesn't feel guilty for changing the labels of sugar and salt once and then changing it again with powdered sugar. It is mild! No one has allergy to it or anything, so that is one less worry. The other will just think the powdered sugar is salt and that at most, someone changed the re-fills and mixed the powdered sugar and granulated sugar. __ "Ah, thank you again for agreeing to this, Clover-senpai." Deuce says, while trying to take out the yolk from the egg whites. "It's fine, I'm used to helping out my siblings in the kitchen." Trey grins, while working on his own recipe. "This is your first time baking a meringue, right? Be sure to not have any yolk there." "Alright!" __ Deuce washes some of the dishes while the electric mixer does its work. It said it would have to mix it for a long time. Trey is content to have help and with a wry smile, adds more to the pile. __ He re-reads attently the recipe and compares with what he has. There is a white mass in the bowl, volume more than doubled than when Deuce started. That said... "Clover-senpai?" He turns off the mixer to speak. "Hm?" "What are stiff peaks? It is written here I should continue until I reach that point." It is easier for Trey to show Deuce when explaining it. Leaving his things on the counter, Trey approaches the corner Deuce is baking. Holding the whiskers upside down, the mass doesn't flop; instead, it stays still, with a peak like one of a mountain. "It is this point. See as it doesn't fall on itself? That's the thing you want. I bet if you held the bowl upside down, it won't fall either." "Are you sure?" "Yes, do it." Deuce does as he is told. The table continues clean and gravity has no hold on the the white mass. "Oh. I see!" Trey holds his urge to laugh. Deuce is reminding him too much of his younger siblings. "Good, you are nearly finished. The piping bag is over there." __ Deuce tastes his first meringues. They are crispy, yes. And absurdly salty. He doesn't understand. He put only a pinch of salt. It isn't enough to impact it so. He needs a water cup. "Deuce? Why that face?" He offers the spoils of his work to his senior and takes a glass of water for himself. When he looks back, Trey's face is pinched. Deuce offers him water. "Did you confuse salt for sugar?" He shakes his head. He checked all the time. "No, I'm sure I read the labels correct." "Hm..." Trey goes pensive. "Let's check the ingredients, shall we?" __ Someone changed the labels. It means that even Trey's own recipe is now messed up. It means Trey will have to check everything to see if nothing else was tampered. He should bring it up with Riddle. __ Ace feels a shiver down his spine.
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nox-et-stellae · 3 years ago
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56/90 for Yahashira! anything that isn't angsty pls
(it ended up being just a teensy bit angsty but it's all for good reason i promise!!)
***
"You need to take your shirt off."
Shigeru looked up from the book he was reading. Kenjirou was leaning against the doorframe of their bedroom, wearing only his boxers and toweling off his hair. Shigeru could smell the bodywash he had used from where he was sitting on their bed.
"What, is date night canceled?" he teased. He wiggled his eyebrows at Kenjirou's lack of clothing. "Not that I'm complaining."
The towel he got flung at his head was probably deserved.
"It's going to be if you intend on going out wearing that." Kenjirou crossed his arms, his lips curling in disgust.
Shigeru glanced down at his chosen outfit. "What's wrong with my banana shirt?"
"Everything," the response came, in the shape of a long-suffering sigh. Kenjirou narrowed his eyes at the green short-sleeved shirt with bright yellow banana pattern as if he hoped his gaze could make it turn to dust. "Don't you have something more appropriate?"
"But I love this shirt," Shigeru pouted. "And I know you like it, too."
"It's obnoxious, and if I hear you say 'it's bananas' in regards to it one more time I will set it on fire and make you watch."
His pout turned into a frown. "Killjoy. I thought date nights were supposed to be fun. This shirt is fun."
Kenjirou groaned. He stomped into the bedroom and began pulling on the set of clothes he'd picked out for the night. "Can you at least pretend to take this seriously?"
"It's just a casual night out, for fuck's sake, what's the big deal?"
Shigeru had been teased and berated for his clothing choices before -- to be fair, his peculiar style made them a very easy target. And he couldn't remember the last time Kenjirou had foregone commenting on his outfits. Part of him even looked forward to whatever Kenjirou had to say; sometimes he picked garments and made combinations he knew would get a rise out of him, just for the hell of it.
It was usually all in good fun, but this time there was a sharp undercurrent in Kenjirou's words that put Shigeru on edge.
"You'd stick out like a sore thumb in the restaurant I picked for tonight," Kenjirou was saying, buttoning up a burgundy long-sleeved shirt with slender fingers. Shigeru loved that colour on him. It complimented his eyes and his hair.
"You could've just told me we had a dress code," Shigeru said, struggling to keep the snap out of his voice.
"Well, technically, there isn't one, but--"
"Then what's the damn problem?" Shigeru slid off the bed and got to his feet, just so Kenjirou wasn't looking down on him anymore. Not that he was capable of doing that while bending at the waist to pull on a pair of slacks that were way neater than his usual skinny jeans. "We go out for dinner all the time. It's never been an issue before!"
"The issue," Kenjirou spat, stepping forward far enough that their noses almost touched, "is that I refuse to have you look like a complete moron when I propose to you!"
Time came to a screeching, stuttering halt.
Kenjirou's eyes went wide, and he moved back, clamping a hand over his mouth.
Shigeru's veins turned into ice.
"What...?" he breathed.
"You really bring out the worst in me," Kenjirou mumbled into his palm. His whole face flamed a bright red, brighter than Shigeru had ever seen on him before. "Usually I'm way better at keeping secrets."
"What?" Shigeru repeated dumbly. His chest expanded and constricted at the same time. His heart raced through its unsteady rhythm, ricocheted off his ribs. A part of him was convinded he'd heard wrong.
The rest of him begged that he hadn't.
"I was going to propose tonight, you insufferable idiot." His hand moved up to cover his eyes instead. "But I guess I've ruined it now."
Shigeru exhaled shakily. He felt like he'd just ran a marathon; leaden legs, weak knees, sweaty palms.
Looks like he won it, too.
"Kenjirou," he whispered. A plea, an answer, a love song all in one.
He waited for Kenjirou's hand to fall away before catching his warm, blushing face in his hands and kissing him like Kenjirou was his first breath of oxygen since the beginning of time. Kenjirou's hands slid into place on his waist right away, like they'd done so many times before. At some point he tasted salt, and he wasn't sure whose tears were the culprit.
"Yes," Shigeru said as he pulled back, unable to contain the grin that nearly split his face in two. "Yes, I'll marry you."
Kenjirou's eyes scanned his face dazedly, as if he couldn't quite believe what was happening. Then he grew a smile that matched Shigeru's, and he laughed, a soft, fragile sound dripping with elation and relief. His forehead came to rest against Shigeru's, and Shigeru thumbs danced over his cheeks, gently wiping away stray tears.
"Guess there's no use going out for dinner anymore," Kenjirou said eventually, after countless minutes of swaying in the world they built together.
"On the contrary," Shigeru said, "a restaurant is the perfect setting for what we have to celebrate."
He planted a kiss on Kenjirou's forehead. "And, don't worry, I'll change into something more appropriate."
Kenjirou laughed. "You'd better, or else this marriage is done for."
"Alright, alright -- give me ten minutes." Shigeru quickly collected some fancier clothes and dove into the bathroom.
Kenjirou was waiting for him at the door when he finished dressing up.
"How do I look?" He twirled, showing off the black slacks and blazer that matched Kenjirou's, and the teal shirt he chose to wear underneath.
"Miles better," Kenjirou said. "However, you're missing one essential accessory."
He held up his hand with a smile, and pinched between his thumb and forefinger was a simple golden engagement ring. With startling ease, and even more startling gentleness, he took Shigeru's left hand and slid the band onto his ring finger. Shigeru took a second to admire the way the hallway lights bounced off the smooth, polished metal.
"There," Kenjirou nodded to himself. He caught Shigeru's gaze, and his amber eyes were bright with joy, warm and soft like honey. "Well then, shall we?"
***
[Send me a number + a pairing for a ficlet]
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footballxposts · 3 years ago
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hii everyone, so I know I was supposed to post last night but I was so sick with covid symptoms and had to have a covid test this morning which was thankfully negative. I know people have been dm’ing to post more and I’m having my first vaccine Friday but I’m still not feeling great so even though I plan to upload some imagines with Declan Rice, Kieran Tierney, Andy Robertson and Tyrone Mings and the start of the Mason series tonight pls take everything I say with a pinch of salt bc I can’t promise anything !! 🦋
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captainjimothycarter · 4 years ago
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For the prompt + trope ask, prompt #5 with royal au for thundershield? Pls?
I have waited far too long and can’t find the prompt you were talking about but let’s just go with royal au?  I think it was “I just needed a change of scenery.”
Please be kind, I rarely write thunder shield. This may not be what you wanted and I am so sorry?? It just came out.
--
The bed was moving. Rocking side to side in a gentle motion that could almost card the young prince back into a well-deserved slumber.
He almost did too, until the memories of the last few days struck him and Steve found himself quickly sitting up. His body screamed in pain, tense muscles moving faster than he should. A wound that had been stitched together tugged and he stilled, not wanting to rip a stitch. His eyes fell to the room - a simple boarding room inside of an elegant boat.
He’d know that symbol carved into the supporting pole anywhere.
Odinson
Groaning, Steve pulled himself to his feet, shoving his feet inside of a pair of worn boots. He got three steps away before it hit him that these were not his clothes. These were elegant, well made, cared for, and stitched with love. They were comfortable and not the clothes he had last remember wearing that were rags by now. 
Looking down at the tights, Steve heaved a soft sigh and shook his head. He needed to get to the bottom of this and stat. 
The rocking made sense as he climbed the stairwell, fingers tracing over hand-carved designs in the walls. He recognized a few designs, a few done by magic, and traced over with a knife to give it that rustic look. It told the story of how the kingdom of Asgard came to be and how they defeated the violent tyranny known as the ice giants and laid claim to the throne. 
A story told to kids to lull them to sleep at night, covered in a blanket of their lies.
The deck was empty of people, no staff, no one manning the boat. He was greeted with great, white sails, the wind pushing them closer to their new destination. An inky black sky welcomed Steve, the smell of the salt in the sea opening his lungs up more than they had been in the slum of the city. For the first time, he felt like he could breathe, that he had some sense of relief.
He leaned into the side of the boat with a heavy sigh, closing his eyes to just enjoy the rocking. How long had he been out? More than a day, he had to guess. His body was sore and aching from that amount of rest. They had to be miles away from home by now. He didn’t even get to say goodbye…
Before the anguishing thought laid on him, Steve jumped when he felt a warm hand lay on his shoulders. His heart lurched into his throat and he turned around to see Thor, the prince, and heir to the throne of Asgard standing above him.
Thor was everything his father wanted him to be - a foot taller than Steve’s 5’4 height, a mass of bulging muscles from spending days in the field, and slaying monsters for sport. His hair was swept from his face and braided back, charms hanging from the few braids that hung around his face. He’d neglected to shave as of recent, stubble growing in around his flushed cheeks. Despite the power this prince held, how he could easily slay Steve by just breathing on him, there was a kindness in his eyes. A softness that had first betrayed Steve and made him fall for the prince. 
And for once, the prince was without his battle adorned armor and his family weapon - a thick hammer that he had named Mjolnir. 
His head tilted to the side as he watched Steve, concern growing in his flushed face at the way Steve started to panic for his breath.
“I’m sorry,” he breathed, frowning slightly. “I thought you had heard me coming. I didn’t mean to scare you. Here, my mother made this for you.”
Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a small jar with a cork lid on it. He pulled the lid off and held it to Steve’s face, letting him breathe in the intense fumes. The smaller blonde choked on the sweet smell of lavender and chamomile, but his panic slowly subsided, his breathing returning to normal.
“Remind me to thank her,” he muttered, watching Thor pack the jar back into his pocket. “Where are we? What in the hell happened?”
It was a question Thor wanted to avoid, his brow pinching as the events of the last few days played over in his head. “I made the necessary decision to save you. You were now safe within Asgard’s walls, so I am taking you elsewhere.”
He wrapped Steve in one arm, leading him away from the ledge to walk slowly around the ship. His eyes lit up at the man controlling the ship - a taller brunette with silver eyes, pointed ears, and a metallic left arm. He made a sound as he ripped from Thor’s arm to throw himself at his best friend, knocking them both to the floor in the process.
Thor’s echoing laugh bounced around them, reminding him of thunder rumbling in the sky. “I see that you have met our new navigator. He was determined not to leave your side, a promise he had made to your mother before she had passed. Promises are dear and sacred to my culture, Steven. I didn’t want to break that bond.”
Steve sat up from Bucky’s arms, trying to pretend he wasn’t crying. “I thought-I thought you...I...left! Odin had said…” He stopped at the anger that flashed across Bucky’s face, following the man’s eyes as Thor shook his head from where he controlled the wheel. 
“Odin doesn’t matter,” Bucky purred, cupping Steve’s face. “You heard your prince - promises matter. Odin won’t stop me from following you. Besides, someone has to stop you from doing something stupid - like attempting to attack a king.”
Steve’s cheeks flushed a shade of pink, the memory slowly ebbing back into his vision. He had attacked Odin with nothing but a simple dagger. But why? Odin controlled the very Kingdom he laid in, even opposing the king meant a death sentence. How was he still alive?
“Father had it coming,” Thor mused in a distraction, pulling Steve and then Bucky up. “Your friend, Friend Bucky, your boyfriend awaits for you in your chambers. The boat can man itself with Loki’s spell still on it, so you may rest. Steven?” 
Steve looped his arm around Thor’s when offered, giving one last confused look to Bucky before he was lead down a set of stairs. He was taken to an empty kitchen, being sat at a sturdy table while Thor went about heating broth and toasting a roll.
“The doctor says you must start light with your meals if you are to get an appetite back. I apologize but the drug my mother was forced to use had knocked you out for a few days now, just to allow your body to heal. You might find yourself struggling for a few days, but he assures me that you will be fine as long as you rest and eat.”
Setting the bowl in front of Steve, he walked around with his goblet and set it between them. One tap of the stem and Steve knew inside was the sweetest glass of boysenberry juice that any soul could want. The magic Thor possessed, however, limited compared to his little brother, still astounded him.
“Thor…” Steve sighed after a few mouthfuls, not wanting to press his luck with his appetite. “What happened? I need to know the full story. Where are we going? Why am I not dead?”
Thor sighed, his shoulders sagging slightly. He took the goblet himself and drank a few sips, making a face at how sweet the content was. “Tis not easy, Steven. You might’ve as your friend says - made a stupid decision but a necessary one. You tried to kill my father.”
He raised his hand to stop Steve’s initial panic, pointing to the bowl. “You eat, I talk.”
“You were not raised a prince, as I was. You were stuck in the far lands, in a small fishing village, correct? But you are a prince. You are the prince that Heimdall has prophecies that I will marry. He has said that I should marry you, a nameless blonde prince at the time, and learn to become a better man, to rule over my people with grace and a firm hand, to be better than my father. You were hidden from me on purpose, my father’s doing. If it wasn’t for Loki, I wouldn’t have found you. And he only found you by mistake when one of your drawings had reached our lands by your friend Barnes.”
“Bucky...joined the military - only way he could be useful, he said.”
“Yes, he attempted to. I’m afraid he didn’t get very far in the processes thanks to my doing. I pulled him from the very school he was attending to track you down with Loki. I should’ve known that we were being followed. When I found you...you were dying. Your wounds had bested you, your health. Loki did all he could with my mother’s knowledge passed onto him. It was touch and go for a while. I stayed by your side. I did things I had never done before, I cleaned your home, I talked to your neighbors and learned about you, about Bucky, I learned to fish and garden, and to assist in your small farm. I learned what it was like to be...not me. Things my father had insisted were below me to learn because my path was royalty and not something a mere farmer should do.
When you started to recover, my father visited. He brought with him trusted soldiers, friends of mine. He attacked you, claimed you were enemy to the kingdom, conspiring with me and Loki to turn against him. You were not in your right mind. You were still delirious with a fever. We tried to argue for your sake, to prove to father that he was wrong. In truth, he is upset that you were found, that the prophecy is becoming true. 
When he went after Bucky, after Bucky’s little sister, you attacked. You are not but ninety pounds and yet you attacked a man who has more power than he knows what to do with. When you touched Odin, you were knocked back by the magic he possesses in that staff. It nearly killed you, fried you from the inside out is what Loki had said. You are correct you say that you should be dead, Steven, but you are not.
Loki and I escaped with you and Bucky. It was only through my friend’s help in keeping Odin distracted and one getting a message back to my mother, Frigga that you were saved. They had lead Odin in the opposite direction, allowing us to return to the castle. Frigga helped you with her best knowledge, putting you to sleep with ancient words. She had planned for this day and had prepared us a ship and crew. She had planned to meet you too, under better circumstances, but this is the best that we can do. She helped us escape in the dead of night. My father lives, but he is now claiming that his only children are enemies and will be killed.”
The air was heavy around them. Steve’s mouth had hung open, every last memory rushing back to him. He had attacked Odin with a simple dagger, it was almost funny compared to how large the man was. He could remember the pain, the muscles in him seizing up, the blinding, white-hot pain that made him wish for death above all else.
He could remember Thor during the time before it, taking care of him, nursing him back to health. Smelling of the rich soil and bringing home Miss Juniper’s fresh-made rolls. He can remember Frigga - the floral, sweet-smelling woman with a kind face and eyes who had risked her life to care for her son’s prince, someone she did not know. Someone she trusted. 
And this boat...being on it for days, while asleep and recovering, despite it, he still felt exhausted with the story in his head. Thor and Loki had risked it all for him - little, old him who has yet to recover from the knowledge that he was a prince and not a simple farmer. 
Silently, Thor rose him from the bench and lead him back to their chambers. He tucked Steve into bed and slid on top of the covers beside him. Thor had crowded him, yes, but it was in a manner that didn’t seem so forceful like he was smothering him. He welcomed his presence and the warmth he brought with him.
“That...I…” Steve sighed as he rolled to his side and looked up at Thor. He was overcome with such emotions from grief to being thankful, to just utter terror of having done something so stupid. He had attacked Odin and for what? Because he was to die anyway so he might as well prove a point. 
“It’s okay,” Thor rumbled in response, dipping his head down to brush his warm lips over the downy soft blonde locks. “You do not need to speak. You have been through something traumatic.”
“No. I...I...thank you.” Steve didn’t know what possessed him to throw himself at Thor, to press his face into his chest, but he was glad he did. The man smelled like the sea, like tanning leather that warmed his body from the inside out. He could feel the man rumble as he purred. 
Feeling the surprisingly smooth hands on his cheek, he looked up to see the prince’s smiling face above his. His lips gently pressed against his and a shock ran through Steve. Every nerve in his body lit up, thrumming to life. He felt alive in a sense he has never felt before.
Exhausted, but alive.
“You deserve a chance at life and not to be burdened by my father and his mistakes.” Leaning up on one arm, Thor sighed and closed his eyes. Exhaustion seemed to melt from his features with Steve so close.
Steve watched him breathe, counting the number of breaths he took. His chest expanding the straining shirt. “You haven’t explained where we are going? We can’t outrun Odin forever and far as I understand, any other kingdom close enough to us is no alley of yours.”
“Hm, that is a good point, but…” The man groaned as he flopped back onto one arm to look down at the scrawny prince with an amount of pride that made Steve start to feel uncomfortable. “We are not heading towards another Kingdom. Legend has spoken of Asgard. Not the kingdom in itself, but a whole new world in the sky. We are to find it.”
Steve’s mouth hung open, perhaps to dismiss this fairy tale. He’s heard about this Asgard in the sky but didn’t believe it. Only children believed such lies. Yet, Thor sounded so sure that he could just nod his head in agreement. 
Silence hung between them, only broken by the crew slowly waking up and causing the ceiling above them to creak. The sound of the water lapping over the side of the boat. Steve rested on Thor’s chest, despite the exhaustion seeping into him, he couldn’t rest. He had questions, but only one remained heavy on his mind.
Thor purred, rumbling in his chest as his hand rubbed up and down the smaller blonde’s back. “Speak, little one. You won’t offend me with your question.”
Steve snorted, giving a roll of his eyes. “I’m not worried about offending you. I just…” He sat up for this, regretting the action because it made him dizzy. “Do you regret it? Any of this? Going against your father? Putting you and Loki in danger?”
A smile pulled on Thor’s lips, lighting up his face. His eyes shined with life in them, lightening reflecting in his vision. “My dear Steven, I regret nothing when it comes to you. Besides, I was overdue for a change of scenery.”
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amwritingmeta · 5 years ago
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15x05: How to Fight God
Proverbs 17:3 --> The crucible for silver, the furnace for gold, but the Lord tests the heart.
This proverb really gets to me when looking at it in the light of 15x05, but also when looking at how it relates itself to the series as a whole, because our boys are going through nothing short of a trial by fire, their whole world and sense of self is beginning to take flame and that sounds poetic af, but it’s also so fucking poignant that I can’t even. 
Because isn’t this what their whole journey has been? And what it’s been about, too, meaning that the trial by fire serves an actual purpose, the get rid of the impurities (if you will) while the actual trial isn’t by fire, but lies truly in the aftermath, in the lessons and the learning curve: the heart stuff.
That aside, of course, applied to 15x05 it’s quite literally God testing their hearts - and what they’re really made of - by throwing them a proper curve ball in Lilith, not to mention this revealing the fact that he’s still a presence. 
We open on Sam, who’s checking his phone to see if Cas has finally replied to all the concerned texts Sam has sent him (my heart leaped I loved it so much!) (of course Sam wouldn’t not reach out) (and amazing that Cas literally decided then and there to walk out the door and he just removed himself entirely) (also - poor Sam!) (he lost a friend!!) and Cas hasn’t gotten back to him.
Buuuut!
Cut to the end of the episode and Sam is just hanging up from having an actual conversation with Cas. Sorry, this was me remembering this entirely wrong and not double-checking - it went straight to voicemail and is clearly stated as doing so, pls, ignore my ignorance!
There’s still a nice, subtle bookend here, and it still underscores the change we get from the opening scene to the closing: the brothers both believing they’re back to business as usual (with the difference of how now they’re actually holding the reins) vs. realising God isn’t gone and that the status quo is not something they can fall back on here.
Speaking of the status quo, the way things have always been, the saving people, hunting things, family business side to the brothers’ lives that is, as far as they’re concerned, the cornerstone of their identities... yeah, let’s speak of that for a bit, because if we look at the episode I believe the status quo, or perhaps the repeat patterns, is/are actually the answer to the question Dean finishes the episode with: 
How do we fight God?
So then.
How To Fight God
This is basically speculation based in my meta reading of the episode so pinches of salt, loves, but it’s intriguing to me to think about what the rules of this world actually are, because this is GOD the CREATOR, right? Yeah.
How can you, the puppet, defeat your puppet master when your puppet master determines which of your strings are pulled at any given moment? 
Well, firstly, I’m stuck on the exchange between Dean and Cas from 15x02:
Cas: You don’t think I’m angry? After what Chuck did? After what he took from me? He killed Jack. But that doesn’t mean it was all a lie. [...] Even if we didn’t know that all of the challenges that we face were born of Chuck’s machinations, how would we describe it all? We’d call it life, because that’s precisely what life is. It’s an obstacle course. And maybe Chuck designed the obstacles, but we ran our own race, we made our own moves, and mostly we did well with that. Dean: Did we? I’ll tell you what we do know - nothing about our lives is real. Everything that we’ve lost, everything that we are, is because of Chuck. So maybe you can stick your head back in the sand, maybe you can pretend that we actually had a choice... I can’t. Cas: Dean. You asked what about all this is real -- we are.
I mean technically Dean didn’t ask anything, he stated that nothing about their lives is real but alright I get that you want to break through, Cas, because this is Cas trying to make Dean understand that not everything has been pre-determined by Chuck.
If free will didn’t exist at all in the narrative, then there would be no room for any kind of stakes, emotional or otherwise. 
If it didn’t come down to what choices each situation brought about and the lessons derived from the consequences of those choices, then the meaning of the character journeys would be completely nullified. 
And these rules of the world we’re watching are most clearly demonstrated to us in the S14 season finale, when Dean makes that epic choice of not shooting Jack, effectively ripping up Chuck’s perfect ending and forcing him to go all mental deity on a power trip on all of their asses. 
So Cas is clearly right in the above exchange, but Dean can’t hear it, and because Dean just refuses to listen, Cas sees no other choice but to leave in 15x03. Because all Cas can see is how Dean refuses to let go of old patterns of thinking, old hang ups and fears, and how Dean finds refuge in blaming an external source rather than gaining perspective, accepting his own level of responsibility (in any situation) and moving forward. 
I’m very curious about the prayer and what level of exposition it will entail. Imagine it being an actual callback to the confession scene in S11, where the exposition of Dean’s internal struggles with his longing for more is so beautifully balanced. Anyway, digression.
What I’m getting at is that choices seem to play an enormous part here, and of course they should, because that’s one of the most prominent thematic threads the writers can pull on. 
Our choices make us who we are. 
It’s not what you are, but what you do. 
No one can tell you who you are, you choose who to be.
And along these, all the times we’ve heard I didn’t have a choice. Often this has been true, when put in a situation that is about not only saving each other, but the world itself as well, but then those world-saving situations wouldn’t really have been brought about if Dean, that first time Sam died, hadn’t made the choice (echoing Mary) to sell his soul to save him, and, of course, none of the choices would’ve been necessary if Mary had let John die, but we know the world that would’ve brought about, so thank...... fate for bad choices.
Perhaps it’s time for good ones.
How do you fight God?
I think you fight him by breaking old patterns, and the only way you can break them is by recognising them for what they are and truly, definitively, moving out of them and into new ones. 
Chuck represents the writer not keeping up with their own character’s progression, right? He’s not seeing what this world he’s created has actually become, without his influence. All he sees is what he wants it to be, rather than all that it is, and he believes in his own control to the extent of not adjusting the obstacles he’s throwing at the boys to their ever evolving view of themselves and what they want for themselves. 
Which is why the plot point of Dean being seduced by Lilith wasn’t even hinted at until she stated, in dialogue, that apparently it wasn’t happening. Thanks to Dean’s progression away from who he was way back when, yeah? Not exactly the same, are you, Dean? 
And which is why I believe the moment when Sam says-->
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--> is quite possibly crucial, because Sam can see the pattern, he knows the grooves of it so well that he immediately feels something is off when they’re just handed the solution on a platter, and this hunch proves right, because they know how Chuck’s story works, innately, they’ve lived it for over a decade. 
If they can catch up with this fact, if they can begin to use it to their advantage, that would be very cool. If they begin to go against their old mode of being, if they try to think outside of their own box (as it were), then not only is that a viable way of beating Chuck at his own game, it sets the stage for their final leg of character progression rather beautifully. 
Because it forces them to grow wholly self-aware, to question their choices and weigh the pros and cons. Realisation City. 
And how gorgeous then to have the setup be that to survive and have a healthy sense of control over their own lives, they must evolve away from their old ideas and ideals. *fingers crossed*
And then there’s Chuck as representative of the over-arching shadow, representative of all those things that the boys have battled throughout their journey, and if integration is the goal, then Chuck shouldn’t really be reaped by Billie, should he? I mean, him being reaped by a representative of strong, assertive femininity works on a symbolic level as well, but integration could mean that he simply has his power stripped. 
I’d quite like that, to be honest. The way to fight God is to stop worshipping him, stop believing in what he represents, stop allowing his obstacles to be real obstacles and simply move out of the narrative he’s been telling and into a new one, where his chosen ending makes absolutely no sense. And if Jack returns there may be a player with enough power to actually tell God that his time as ruler of this particular universe is done, because they will fight him, now that they see him for what he truly is. Every step of the way. 
Alright, lots of speculation here, but the thought of the brothers’ progression actually playing a role in how they can defeat Chuck makes me get all goosebump-y! 
The werewolf brothers acted as a Chuck tool of foreshadowing for his chosen ending: one brother killing the other, but there’s a deeper psychological symbology in the werewolf brothers’ story, where one brother’s control and deceit made the other see no other choice but to kill him and then himself, because they were the same. 
So looking at them as representative of the codependency, it’s actually the aspect of control and self-deceit that has to die, in both Sam and Dean, for the codependency to finally break. Sam leading the way (as per the water bottle scene at the start of the episode) and freeing them both in his process of breaking away from Dean. 
And when Lilith says that she had to die in order to get what she wanted, it could be seen as a statement of that same symbolic subtext, and how the brothers’ progression is moving them away from who they have always been, into who they truly are and want to be: they have to kill off their past ideas and ideals, and embrace the truth of this if they’re going to be victorious in this fight.
We shall see, my loves! We shall see!
I’d be remiss if I didn’t say this, though, to a writer who has given us so much:
Thank you, Steve Yockey.
For everything.
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