#so now nobody has either
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I'm rlly mad there's a global Adderall shortage which means everybody switched to Ritalin and I'm just saying I think if I've been prescribed it for 15 fucking years they should put some aside for me.
#thats more of a general like#if ur a doctor and getting an influx of clients you cant book all of thm bc then ur existing clients will not be able to get in#its stupid but theres kind of a good reason for when its hard to get into a place youve never been before#bc they are retaining resources for the people it gad already been promised to#.....you shouldnt as a nation he perscribing everybody the same fucking substitution for a shortage bc people are already using it#and there wasnt twice the amount needed#so now nobody has either#and now i havr to get a perscription for something fu king else and thatll cause a shortage for the ppl who need that#so yeah#thanks telehealth companies for handing out adderal perscriptions like candy for students who want speed and for fucking weight. loss.#and now my adhd ass cant do shit#so#thats great
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andrew’s definitely gotten in trouble with his pr manager for tweeting things along the lines of:
“no mania inducing medication will compare to the euphoria i will feel the day donald trump drops dead”
#pr manager is like: andrew… this is the last time i’m gonna tell you#andrew: whats the point of democracy if i can’t exercise freedom of speech#pr manager: andrew it’s no longer about your image#at this point we are concerned the fbi is going to show up#andrew: neil has connections. i’m fine#they thought marketing andrew on social media would be good#they were sooooo wrong#because now andrew has a place to share every insane thing he’s ever thought#for instance—a tweet that just says ‘an alien googling: human clothes’#he’s on there advocating for lgbtq+ youth you KNOW HE IS#he’s cursing and mildly threatening members of congress for imposing these disgusting bills#one day he tweeted ‘does mitch mcconnell know he’s dead yet’#when mitch mcconnell stepped down from senate andrew tweeted ‘hopefully next he steps down from life’#unsurprisingly: this endears him to some people and makes others fucking hate him#and he’s such a shit. he does not care either way#he’s kind of just like: pr manager. you gave me a twitter and told me to tweet. i’m just doing what you asked me#they’ve threatened to change his password so many times#they actually did once but andrew reported the account so many times for defamation and fraud that it got suspended#and he made a new account out of pure spite#his pr manager is like: andrew nobody is going to want to sign you because of your public image#and andrew is like: ?? ok. they can lose every game then#(he knows he’s the best goalie)#ok i think that’s enough for now. however i will probably be back#andrew minyard#aftg#tfc#trk#tkm#the foxhole court#all for the game
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I started reading beastars so now HE's reading beastars .wait
THEY'RE reading beastars
#nobody gets a prize for correctly guessing which character yakumo relates to most#when the anime first came out and everybody hopped on the hype train#i scratched my chin thoughtfully and wondered.... would i like this? it seems like i would like this. should i watch it?#and all my friends around me said 'nah you'll probably hate it. it's really sad'#so i trusted them and ignored beastars the whole time. until now. when i saw the entire series at my LOCAL LIBRARY!!!!#so of course the curiosity wins out and i start reading it and i REALLY LIKE IT?? WTF WERE MY FRIENDS ON ABOUT?#this is sad yes but most of the time it's FUNNY? and also ANIMALS R COOL? bruh. i can't trust my friends' opinions of me anymore#anyway. due to the nature of my current nuca fixation timing. i kept thinking of it while reading#drawing parallels that may only exist in my mind LOL#i can imagine yaku being a freak over legoshi and his quest to become strong but not falling to his instincts and etc.etc.#yakugaru having a manga reading session in either o their bedrooms... lying on the floor engrossed in beastly tales...#these two would absolutely have a debate about which chara is most similar to eiden#to yaku it is obvs haru but i feel like garu would see eiden in a less.... prey sort of way#or maybe they'd agree on the haru comparison!! but yaku might hesitate to voice the 'mr eiden... has to be protected...' thoughts#and garu would proudly proclaim how eiden and haru share traits like bravery/outgoingness/super cool and go-getter/wise and worldly???#i kept staring down louis like.... you're some mix of dante and edmond... and something else....#UGH i like all the characters... they all have their charms.... they are all such creatures#honestly yahya the entire time was just relatable content and after seeing the way he lived out the rest of his life *chef's kiss* GOALS#nu carnival yakumo#nu carnival garu
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Alright. Okay.
So the entire time I've been reading VnC, I've been assuming that Noé is the sole known survivor of the Archivistes in a relatively normal way. I've been assuming that something happened to the Archiviste clan within Noé's lifetime, just before his human "grandparents" found him in the snow. Obviously I wondered about what happened—who slaughtered them if they were killed and what else might have happened if they aren't all dead as we've been told, but I never questioned the timeline. I assumed that the Archivistes must have been alive and kicking until recently, even if Noé's last remaining family was living in hiding from the rest of vampire society or something like that.
But. We don't actually know that that's true. We don't know a single thing about the timeline of the Archivistes' extermination other than what Nox says about them having all died "long ago." Noé is nineteen years old, and we have no idea how old Nox is. Could the fifteen to seventeen years between Noé's first adoption and the present day be enough to count as long ago?
This is Jun Mochizuki we're talking about. There is extensive precedent in her work (by way of Pandora Hearts) for characters turning up seemingly out of nowhere, often with no memory, and in Pandora Hearts, these cases never had a simple answer. It was always caused by the time-bending properties of the Abyss.
It is entirely within the realm of possibility for the rest of the Archiviste clan to have died years, decades, or even a century or more before Noé was found by his human grandparents. We don't have precedent yet for anything that messes with time in VnC like PH's Abyss, so I don't know how this could have happened, but I don't think we can fully discount the possibility. The outer bounds of world formula rewriting as a power are yet to be fully explored, so it's hard to say firmly that anything's impossible. There might be a way for Noé to exist in the present even if the rest of his clan was killed well over nineteen years ago (be it by PH style time-bending or by some entirely different mechanism).
It's still possible (and even likely) that the Archivistes died or disappeared less than twenty years ago, but it's not quite the concrete fact that I've been thinking of it as this entire time. It's entirely possible that Noé's backstory contains Mochizuki Timeline Fuckery, and now that I've had that thought, I can't unsee it. The author of Pandora Hearts going out of her way to say that her protagonist was found mysteriously alone and crying with no memory of how he got that way is. conspicuous as hell.
#chloé seems like she might be unaware that the archivistes are all supposed to be dead#so let's say that means their extermination took place *after* 1702#that's still almost 200 years of time to play with#what the fuck#like them dying out recently is still the simplest and perhaps most likely explanation#but now that I've had the thought that this is an option I cannot unthink it#we know that Mochijun loves a good timeline twist. and noé's backstory is very gil ph#mysterious amnesiac child gets found and nobody knows where he came from. hm.#and machina has presumably been hiding her identity in public for a LONG time. if we're assuming the rest of the senate doesn't know#so she could fit into either explanation#vnc#the case study of vanitas#noé archiviste#noé archiviste my beloved#vanitas no carte#theory#vnc spoilers#the archiviste clan#long post
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twin aus are fun bc sukuna is sooooo ugly and yuuji is soooooooo pretty and beautiful and lovely <3 completely understand why sukuna ends up the deliquent loser twin bc why would anybody choose him when <3yuuji<3 is right there
#this is a sukuna hate post 😐 the first of many to come.#ive been hating on geto (and will.) but you all should know i dont fuck with that ugly ass BITCH either!!!!!#itadori twin au is so fun in my head bc not only is sukuna the ugly loser degenerate twin he's also Younger than yuuji (by like. and hour..#it was probably hard to birth his big ass head) but like. yuuji is born at 11 something pm one night and sukuna is at 12 am the next day#so they NEVER celebrate their birthdays together as they SHOULDNT! cant blame yuuji for that !!!!#see also: sukuna hates and claims he can beat up all of yuuji's friends except nobara#bc when they were 4 he was mean to her and she took a hammer to his shoulder and he has never forgotten it#he's all talk 🙄 fraud watch#see also: choso doesnt usually interfere with the twins arguing except when sukuna does too much and now he has to be all Big Brother#it's also extremely hilarious to imagine youre dating yuuji and you two stop by his house#and hes like ah fuck he's here.. he's not supposed to be here 🙄 lets go! and ur like wait who is here what's going on#and too late. sukuna comes out of his room and hes on his way out and ur like what. who. yuuji what the fuck just happened#and hes like that was my brother..#and ur like. u... have a brother.... a twin brother? and NOBODY told me?????#and yuujis like yeah in an ideal world i would have never needed to bring him up 🙄
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it should be known to non-finns as well that the finnish left party's success in the european parliamentary elections was made possible by their chairperson li andersson who got 13,5% of all the votes. the votes she got alone pulled the other two meps from the left to the parliament. she got almost as many votes as all the candidates from the social democrats. she is incredibly competent and brussels better watch out
#EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW LI!!!!#nor's rambles#finland has a right-wing government right now it's not so great here either#but nobody saw this result coming LMAO
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#NO LITERALLY#like the way i am treated now vs when i was fat is fucking insane#like it’s insane how many of my friends viewed me as an emotional support mule who has no life outside of them lol#also like how many of them enjoyed me being the fat friend in comparison to them#also trigger warning but i was assaulted as a fat person and i could absolutely tell my#feminist girls girl friends#didn’t take me seriously bc the man who assaulted me was conventionally attractive and i was not#so there’s that lol#also girls girl goes out the window when woc receive opprotunities buttttt#nobody wants to talk about that either lol#the whole avantika situation and ppls response is so telling likeee#if ur feminism doesn’t include all women fuck u genuinely
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kingdom hearts au where n is split into a nobody and heartless who search for reshiram and zekrom respectively. is this anything
#clai speaks#i have to make everything about n NOW#but anyway i've been thinking about it and while i'm still an n and zekrom truther i've come around to reshiram#either is good bc they let you depict a slightly different n#and a good n interpretation incorporates both sides into him#but why have one n interpretation when you can jist do both at the same time. split that guy in half HJSBDJHF#nobody n who's lost the ability to empathize so instead of bettering the world he's searching for the cold hard truth#heartless n who doesnt care about anyone's feelings anymore he is just going to chase down his ideals from before he was split relentlessly#and theres probably something cool you can spin with n being Literally made into something inhuman#like he's already accused of being a freak without a human heart. give him the angst of Concrete Evidence. take the heart he truly has away#maybe you could even take it in a ventus-vanitas direction. split him into light and dark. black and white#i miss kingdom hearts i actually have really wanted to draw it lately but when i put my pencil on the paper. n appears instead :(#kh n au
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one of my favorite senarios to imagine to put yukio in is sending him 10 years into the future (with the exwires usually) and everyone from their class are like chill adults including himself working their boring ass exorcist job and hes trying to assert dominance over them as the teacher™ but they're all like bro why so serious?
#somehow in my future au i accidently made only the boys active exorcists im so sorry to all the women in aoex#they all passed but i think shiemi and izumo would leave to persue other passions but still be in ajacent fields#like shiemi still runs her exorcist shop#idk what izumo does maybe she still is an exorcist but shes on leave trying to figure out what she wants to do with her life#cuz so much of her adolescence was focused vengence for her family i think she would be kinda lost as an adult#ive said this a bunch of times but rin isnt actually an exorcist for the same reason izumo isnt#ive been kinda muddy on my own timeline but either he passed and left or he dropped out of school and ran away#i think hes like an independent demon slayer like a contract worker#so he still is basically an exorcist but not sanctioned by the vatican like as part of a mercenary guild or something#but he can still take exorcist missions if he wants to but usually its not worth it so he just helps out yukio or bon on their missions#i think after being a literal terrorist yukio got demoted and lost his license for a bit so hes still the same rank as he is now#but now hes medicated and he went to therapy#he has like no memory of highschool to almost a concerning degree and hes generally pretty muted but is still well liked#bon had a completely normal exorcist experience against all odds actually so did koneko except koneko went back to the myoda#and then shima got scouted for his amazing spy skills and works overseas#sorry shima ur not allowed to be an idol that might be the trigger for the bad end#anyway i think teen yukio would hate adult yukio because he thinks hes not allowed to be normal and happy#this is like the 4th time ive made this post like i said its one of my favorites#the reverse is rin going to the past and like tutoring the exorcist class#nobody wants to do yukio psychoanalysis but me so i gotta step up to the plate#jk theres a lot of good yukio fanfics#blue exorcist#ao no exorcist#yukio okumura#rin okumura
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I got these shoes from someone recently but thought they were way too plain looking, so I set out on a quest to customize them with some sharpies and charms and miscellaneous ribbon I had in my craft drawers. Mostly sky themed (clouds, rainbows, rain, stars, etc.) because that's my favorite aesthetic, but I had to include some cat imagery as well, of course lol.
#also honestly had NO IDEA that real converse have that star logo on the INSIDE not the outer part??? why the hell would you want it on the#inner portion where nobody can see it?? my entire life I always would have sworn it was on the outer facing portion..#I think these would be perfect IF they were just slightly taller (top part higher above ankles instead of just weird hard material digging#right into your ankle whenever you walk) and if they were actual good platforms. they're so short. It's good that 'chunky' shoes are gettin#more popular as they've always been my favorite Look ever since I had these shoes with roller skates that pop out of thebottom (not heelys.#but like. before those. it was two whole entire roller skate wheels like a normal pair of roller skates) and the bottoms were so tall and#clunky and it made my feet look giant (because it had.. entire wheels in the bottom pockets lol). so#I've alwatys been into the aesthetic but . still I find a lot of the 'brands jumping on trend' are too short of platforms#OR they're plafrorms with a raised back/heel/wedge which to me is not aesthetically good and also makes them exceptionally uncomfortable to#wear compared to just plain completely flat chunky platform bottoms. ANYWAY.. if these shoes had a 3 or 4 inch platform I think they'd be#cooler. however for what they are it's still fine! and I like them more now that they actually have some sort of anything to them and#aren't just plain white. The weird thing is that the material it's made out of (maybe some sort of leather or something) absorbs sharpie?#the color changes over time. You draw a mark and then leave it for a few days and it either fades into being barely there or has changed#colors. so I had to go back in and redo parts. ALSO the shoe chains are so funny because I did NOT have the right tools for them#I don't have the stuff to make bracelets or open and close the little rings. they're held onto the shoe with just safety pins and the actua#little rung things that hold the charms on half of them are like broken or the metal is just jam smushed together bent and warped hhbjhjhb#I actually like the back a lot where there's the irridecent star thing hot glued on there. it's cool and shiny. and the clouds#are sparkly on the main parts of the shoe though I'm not sure how well it shows up in pictures#ANYWAY... shoegs..... If I were rich this is one of the things I would definitely custom order from craftsman#why would I spend like thousands of dollars on plain ass shoes that are just expensive because they're a Luxury Brand when I could literall#like pay people to create me custom shoes to my exact specifications?? I could have like 5 inch flat platform boots with fur andclouds#and cat shaped holes in the bottom with LEDs in them with pom pom and charms and etc. etc. etc. Like as gaudy and excessively over#decorated as I want lol.. AND they could have skates in the bottom somehow!! ghjgbhjb#this on top of all the custom wizard costumes and period clothing I would order.. Like i LOVE customizing things. I love everything in my l#life being as particualr as possible and cultivating every experience I have to meticulously meet my own specific criteria as much#as is possible. If I had the money to I would never buy something from a store again. EVERYTHING I owned from furniture to clothing#would be either made by me - or mostly - comissioned from craftsmen. custom tiles for my floors. custom bed. custom table.#even like. custom toilet. custom sinks. etc. etc. ouGGH... but yeah.. anyway... shoes..
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sure do love reading posts about how zionism is a special, different kind of colonization that makes it actually fine and okay :)
like there were a LOT of antizionist jews in the early 20th century. there are a lot of us now. and it’s not because we just don’t Understand the Complexities of the israeli political situation. it’s because all forms of zionism, from their inception and to this day, have all always been morally wrong. israel was founded with a massive act of ethnic cleansing and murder because there is no other possible way to move large amounts of people into a place where other people already live that ensures the people arriving have all the political power. there was never a Good israel and there was never a Good zionism. it was rotten from its inception and it cannot be fixed or repaired or cleansed of the blood it demands.
you can dress up your explanations in lots of long paragraphs but the actual definition of all zionism is simply “we get to force everyone who was already living in this place to leave or be subservient to us or simply be killed.” there is nothing more or else to it, and there never has been, in any place or time.
#palestine#zionism#i also love israelis lecturing me about how jews needed israel to be safe after the holocaust#y’all’s country has ALWAYS been openly contemptuous of holocaust survivors. your founders loathed them.#israel was founded to give the west more control in the middle east and secondarily as a white supremacist project#that’s IT that’s ALL#israel has exactly as much legitimacy as white rule in south africa did#god it drives me absolutely batshit when israeli zionists make long posts ‘explaining’ the details of the different factions#you are either against apartheid or for it. you either support the murder and displacement of indigenous people or you oppose it.#nobody gives a shit about the minute details of your political spectrum because every point on the spectrum is ‘well it’s ours now :)’#like oh some of us think it’s all ours except these small areas so we’re more reasonable than the ones who think it’s ALL ours period#THOSE ARE THE SAME.#‘oh well this survey says 20% of people lean left’ THERE IS AN ACTIVE GENOCIDE#why the FUCK do you care about ANYTHING except making it stop???
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Realms are wider than one thinks.
Idea
Disclaimer: I know very little about Hazbin Hotel and the other series.
The Hell is very overpopulated. Nothing helps. The Happy/Hazbin Hotel had some success but not enough to make a big difference. The Heaven's attempts didn't bring any desirable results either.
Lucifer and Charlie were sitting in his throne room when a glowing teenager looking soul appeared.
A... Ghost?! Those haven't been seen there for a long while now!
Lucifer is curious.
"Hi, hello," the kid opened his mouth, seemingly unbothered by the presence of the Ruler.
"So, let's get this ball rolling. I'm King Phantom, defeater Pariah, Protection Spirit and all that jazz. I'm here because I'm currently working through the backlog of work left by my predecessor and it seems that this particular afterlife is suffering quite a bit."
#dpxhazbin hotel#dp x hazbin hotel#dp x helova boss#is that how you spell it#idk#crossover#danny phantom#Danny has been a King for a while now#he still looks like a teen in his 16s at most due to not knowing how to shift forms yet#he's getting there#it's a slow process#Some headcanons say that the Realms are Infinite and have all the Afterlifes#so why not Hazbin Hotel universe too?#the overpopulation was due to the fact that that corner doesn't produce ghosts naturally.#they form after they've been in Hell or Heaven for a bit and either moved on or were further directed by the Ghost in charge#Pariah messed up the system big time#nobody had a good time
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Man, I still remember participating in one of the many jjba zines that I took part in and how my piece was placed as the first page (for the second time) and how one of my mutuals/artists that I’ve always admired, hit me with the “oh… you’re on the front page again… 😅…” like man, that kind of killed me lmfao. I never got over it like man, what was that about.
#it’s not like i put the books together myself or anything all my ass did was submit my work#like this was from a really popular and well known artist as well like#their art has always been so gorgeous to me too I was like ‘I’m literally a nobody is this person really being shady or…’#rambling#I guess it’s nice being in a zine with ppl I don’t know or care to get to know at least now 😭… just submitting my art and running#referring to the jjk zine �� I need t start working on it uhh#zines make me feel so anxious man#it really did make me feel bad and almost guilty? I was like this is kind of awkward…#another zine I was in which was run by a mutual… well… I never even got my zine in the mail#and I even sent them $20 for some merch that they were making since I wanted to support and never got that either…#they deleted their blog but I see that they remade and draw a lot of DM and have a lot of popular posts here so it’s kind of awkward seeing#their art shared on the dash sometimes skeks#we’re still mutuals on Twitter but I don’t rly want to ask about my zine again or the $20 bucks#it’s okay like I owe other ppl stuff too I’m a late bird man but still loskekk#they were the mod for the zine too#I might hit them up again I guess I still love their art and they were always fun to talk to#there was another zine that I participated in where we had to purchase our own copy bro#i remember being so annoyed by that but went ahead and bought it anyway#I was invited to this zine so it made me even more annoyed#I#Guess it didn’t make its money back#or something like that but I remember being broke at the time and was pissed that I had to pay for my own book#I didn’t buy any of the merch because why when it was supposed to be free#if you’re participating in a zine the book and merch should be free
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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what did you do on Christmas? Do you have plans for the new year? Because you know, you're Chinese, so you haven't celebrated New Year's yet. (Maybe, i don't actually know how it works)
MASTER POST
Asks Start 💙
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#lego monkie kid#lego monkie kid fanart#monkie kid#monkie kid fanart#lmk#lmk fanart#lmk mayor#monkie kid mayor#blue and violet#technically even though Christmas is a western holiday I think people in Megapolis probably still celebrate it#because Christmas is more or less just about being together with friends and family and not necessarily about religion anymore#but Mayor probably doesn't really celebrate Christmas#mostly because they are an old man and they did not celebrate Christmas before and so they do not celebrate it now#but also because they have nobody to celebrate it with lmao#poor fella#however in terms of the lunar new year they might celebrate it???#they'll go out and about the city and do some speeches as Mayor and stuff like that#maybe join in with the festivities too and watch the parades#but other than that they will stay inside and try to relax or something#keep Hershey company#either way New Years has been slightly ruined for them because of the new years festival they experienced in TQFTSK with Macaque#they cannot celebrate without being reminded of the memory of that heartfelt time spent together#Hershey is :P
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ʚ🕯ɞ
#the night are starting to get colder now...#and it always makes me feel so so so lonely#bc it is so cold and my body is so empty and hollow it goes down into my bone marrow#i just dont wanna be alone anymore#i want to hold someones hand i wanna hug someone i want to cuddle under a blanket at night time as the cold comes in thru the window#i dont wanna be this lonely.....#and it scares me so much.. will i always be this lonely??#i sat by the lake today and watched the moon and the waves... the blue sky...#i thought... that nobody is waiting for me. nobody is expecting me. nobody out there... is waiting for me#i could disappear and who would... who would notice my absence right now?#the loneliness suffocated me and felt like a fist closening on my heart. squeezing it#as i sat there i thought i could slit my wirst with that sharp rock and then walk into the lake#until i got submerged and water filled my lungs and i could die there. let the water fill my lungs and drown me#could die in that lake. and who would know? nobodys waiting for me. nobodys expecting me.....#but i dont want that. thats why i keep going every day despite how much it hurts#i just wanna love and be loved. i dont care for anything else.#i dont care for material things. not for profession or education nor money nor status nor a large social circle#i dont care i just dont care. all i want is to sit side by side with someone. watch the lake. hold hands.#spend eternity like that. with someone i love. i dont need anything more#and i watch everyone around me.. how come everyone else can find someone but not me?#everyone ive had just a crush on is in a relationship. some of them even live with eo.#everyone else can find someone else. can find someone. but not me? why do i have to be alone?#i do have to say that my love being focused on someone who is closed to receiving it hurts so much more#than simply longing for a love when it has no face and no name. but i cant do anything abt that. either way still hurts..
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