#so now im just waiting for the email which is painful

[echoesofdusk]

god i fucking hate posten so much

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[phagodyke]

was brave and talked to my doctor abt my period bs + she said it might be endometriosis without me even having to bring it up... 💀

[numinousher]

PICTURE PERFECT ── bts.

SUMMARY: a look into your family dynamic

PAIRING: mafia/ceo!bts x chubby!reader

WARNING(S): just a small talk about birth

NOTE: im back againnn 😈 again, this is a drabble of my combined beings series (which you can in my masterlist hehe) but it can be read as a standalone don’t worry!

“Hmm, I have a question.”

“Y-yes sir.

Namjoon looked up from his notes to look at the worker presenting their ideas for the new project coming up. The poor worker was close to shaking out of nerves once their eyes met Namjoon’s serious ones, with the others on each side staring them down, too. They gulped.

“What—”

“Sir.”

Namjoon huffed and ignored his assistant that had barged into the meeting room with an overly excited expression. He waved him off.

“The product—”

“Sir.”

“What?” Namjoon snapped, now setting his glare on the man by the door. “I’m in a meeting.”

“It’s your wife,” the assistant said, hoping it would ease the tension in the room at the mention of you. It wasn’t any help, though, because every worker there knew how important you were to them so if it were bad news, everyone there would be fired on the spot. “She’s at the hospital.”

“The baby?” Jimin asked, already standing up.

The assistant nodded. “Her water broke. Said, and I quote, to get your asses there.”

Jungkook would’ve laughed at your words if it weren’t for the fact you were going to give birth. So, he and the others dismissed the meeting almost immediately, ignoring the way some workers shoulders slumped with relief at the fact they wouldn’t be in a room with their bosses giving them such intimidating looks.

“Did they check her in with the best room?” Namjoon asked, grabbing his phone to call those who knew you. He glanced at his assistant next to him while he heard the call ring.

His assistant nodded. “Yes, her bodyguards are just waiting for you and are making sure the doctors and nurses take care of her.”

“Send an email to everyone that they can go home early,” Jimin spoke up, buttoning up his blazer to speed walk beside the other 6 who were basically running to get to the car. “Also, add in that there’s going to be 2 weeks where we won’t meet up in person. We’re going to be home to take care of our wife, everything will be online and work will be emailed.”

“Yes, sir.”

A car was already awaiting the 7 by the front of the building, which was why there were some reporters already by the front. It was very uncommon for them to be in such hurry, so while the workers were talking about it online, reporters heard and were already there to record everything—much to Jungkook’s surprise.

“Are they just waiting in their cars?” Jungkook breathed out, slamming the door shut, eyeing the small little circle of people. “It’s literally been, like, 5 minutes.”

“Make sure to have the others in the hospital stop anyone from trespassing,” Namjoon instructed. He leaned back with a leg of his going up and down, waiting for Ari pick up. He sighed in relief at hearing her answer. “Hey, how’s she doing?”

Ari, your best friend and the person who was going to be hanging out with you, winced at hearing your pained grunts. “She’s in pain right now, but she wants you guys here. She’s still not dilated enough so you have time.”

“Can she talk?”

“Let me ask.” Ari turned to face you. “Hey, hon, Namjoon’s asking if you want to talk. They’re on their way.”

You nodded and inhaled, making a hand gesture for her to pass you the phone. She did so and held your hand while you talked to your husband. “Hello?”

“Hey, sweetheart,” Namjoon softly spoke to you like he always did. It was very shocking to see this big man with a stoic expression and a rough voice transform into a big softy when it came to you. “We’re already on our way.”

“Please hurry,” you winced out. “Baby is really desperate to meet you guys.”

“I know, baby, and you’re doing so great,” Namjoon continued to praise you. “So, so great, okay? I’m so proud of you and we’re all proud of you.”

“Thank you.”

“Okay, we’re here. We’ll see you. I love you.”

“I love you.”

Running into the building, the staff there all became panicked at seeing the 7 men everyone there knew of. They knew them as something else considering the fact they were in charge of the territory the hospital was in.

“Our wife, Y/n L/n is supposed to be here. Where is she?”

“She’s—”

“Get the hell out of here,” Taehyung turned his head at hearing a slight deep voice yell back. He squinted his eyes, looking around, before coming to find a bodyguard of theirs pushing away a man and a woman. “Have some respect.”

“We want to get an exclusive interview with her before the baby comes,” the woman scoffed out, swatting away the bodyguard’s hands. “It is confirmed, though, that she is in labor.”

At feeling agitated, the bodyguard pinched the bridge of his nose before making eye contact with Taehyung’s burning stare while the others went to your room not so far from the chaos.

“Boss,” the bodyguard bowed his head, mentally feeling relief at knowing he wouldn’t have to deal with the two. “These two idiots told the doctors they were family. When they were denied, they tried sneaking into the missus’ room. Me and some others were by the door so we got them before they could interrupt her.”

Taehyung stepped closer, glaring down the two people in front of him who looked into his eyes with such horror.

“My wife is in labor and the first thing you think of is interviewing her?” Taehyung questioned in a low voice, getting closer to their faces. He scoffed. “Is that how boring your life is? Do you have nothing better to do? Get the hell out of my face. You are never to get close to my wife and child ever again.”

He didn’t have to look at his guard to let them know to kick them out. He hurried to the room where you were at and went to sit next to you.

“You’re doing such a good job, pretty. Such a good job.”

“Thank you, Tae.”

“I want the best for her, you hear me?” Namjoon mumbled out loud to the doctor as the two came into the room.

The doctor nodded, not phased by the seriousness in Namjoon’s voice. She was used to his comments and even threats once it came to your safety, so she just got used to it. After all, the money she got was crazy, too.

“Hi, Y/n,” she smiled at you. “Are you ready?”

“No…”

“You’ll do good!”

“We told you to money isn’t an issue here. You don’t need to work. We told you this when you wanted to work remotely.”

Namjoon said as he looked at you with your 2-year-old son, Jaehyung, in his arms. The boy was growing more and more that Namjoon had to hold him up with two of his arms.

“I feel holed up in this place sometimes,” you groaned out before looking at him. “I am not opposed to staying home, though, so if I don’t like working in person, then I’ll stay home to take care of our pretty baby and continue doing work online.”

You cooed at your son with a bright smile. Your smile widened as you heard his giggles because, very much like his dads, he loved having your attention on him. It didn’t help he received their protectiveness and glared at people who even glanced at you rather comically. It was funny every single time, you couldn’t help but laugh when you caught his little scrunched nose and frown.

“Yeah, maybe you can stay home while we get you pregnant and hope for a girl this time,” Jimin commented as he passed by, a small smirk plastered on his lips.

You scoffed.

“He’s kidding, pretty girl,” Taehyung murmured from behind you, kissing your neck. “Whenever you’re ready.”

“Before you 7 try to get on my pants,” you started, backing away from Taehyung towards the front door, “I am leaving.”

“Your guards are coming with you!” Namjoon yelled before you closed the door. “We have new workers and they don’t know who you are.”

“Okay, okay, bye, I love you!”

You threw them a kiss behind you, waving at your baby one more last time, and closed the door.

As soon as the door closed, your baby’s smile was wiped away, almost like he knew you were leaving him for hours. He loved his dads, yes, but they could never compare to you since you carried him for 9 months, birthed him, fed him, and took care of him almost every day for majority of the day until all 7 men came back from work and he was carried in their arms.

“Namjoon, he looks like he’s going to cry,” Jungkook muttered as he came into the room. He frowned at seeing his baby’s face. “Oh, my sweet boy, what’s wrong huh?”

He grabbed Jaehyun and mimicked the same pout the kid had on his face.

With teary-eyed eyes, Jaehyun gestured to the door. “Mama leave…”

“My heart,” Jungkook started as he looked at his son, eyeing the mole by his nose to his flushed cheeks, “Mama is coming home soon, okay?”

As if understanding him, Jaehyun sucked in his bottom lip. It began to quiver and his little hands formed into fists.

“Uh-oh,” Jimin simply said, knowing those actions too well.

Jaehyun began sobbing and crying so loud it echoed in the room. The maids who were in the same room as them jumped, clearly startled by the sudden high pitched noise.

“Oh, no, no, baby,” Jungkook softly gasped. He placed his son’s head back to his chest, moving him. “Sh, sh, sh. Mama will come home soon, right?”

Jungkook’s eyes met Jimin, Namjoon, and Taehyung’s own for help. He was used to the tantrums, whatever. After all, Jaehyun was going through his terrible two’s, and he was a runner. He loved running and because of that, he usually ends up falling. It causes a lot of crying.

“You want ice cream, Jae?” Namjoon asked, leaning down to the boy’s eyesight. At the mention of ice cream, Jaehyun slowly nodded, a “yes, please” coming out of his mouth. “Good boy. Come on, we’ll walk to the kitchen and we can even put sprinkles and whipped cream okay?”

Jungkook placed Jaehyun back on the floor, fixing his little shirt, and let Namjoon grab his hand to lead him towards the kitchen.

Jaehyun waved at some maids and guards as Namjoon opened the kitchen door, and Namjoon couldn’t help but smile once the workers would coo at how nice and cute he was.

The personal chef was in the kitchen cooking up some food when he noticed Namjoon. He bowed his head.

“Sir.” He looked down and saw Jaehyun. He smiled and bowed his head again. “Sir.”

“Me Jae,” Jaehyun said, pointing to himself. Namjoon chuckled and helped him get on the chair on the kitchen island.

“Sorry,” the chef chuckled before bowing his head again. “Jae.”

“He would like some ice cream,” Namjoon said, sitting down next to Jaehyun on the chair next to him. “What do you say, Jae?”

Jaehyun blinked. “You!”

Namjoon chuckled and shook his head. “No, what do you say when you want something, bud?” More blinks. He couldn’t help but let out a small snort. “Just give us some chocolate ice cream with whipped cream and sprinkles. I’m trying to make him feel better because Y/n went to work today.”

“Oh, that explains the tears,” the chef commented before he quickly served the 2-year-old his dessert. “Here you go, bud. Your mom will come home.”

Jae sniffed and nodded, grabbing his bowl of ice cream. He licked the whipped cream and sprinkles off first before his spoon swirled the ice cream around until it turned to liquid.

The chef looked at him with confusion.

“Don’t question it,” Namjoon sighed. He propped his chin in the palm of his hand, staring down at his child. He could see whose kid it was and it was beautiful. “If you behave, maybe we’ll visit Mom at work.”

“We can go?” Jae asked.

Namjoon was happy to know that in a few years, he could actually converse with them in full sentences without getting distracted. He was so smart already he could form well sentences but, he was still a child.

Namjoon nodded. “I’ll text her, okay? If she says no, we’ll bake her some cookies for when she comes home. If she says yes, then we’ll go, okay?”

Jae enthusiastically nodded.

Namjoon could only stare. This was really your guys’ child, and you guys were raising him so well that Namjoon was proud when the 2-year-old wiped his mouth away with a napkin. He was mimicking your actions.

He was close to clutching his heart.

Through the fondness he felt for your baby, Namjoon texted you 3 hours later to let you get used to your surroundings again.

husband (joon) 😚: how’s work?

pretty wife ❤️: honey i wanna leave, the amount of stares i have gotten omg and yeah ari and eunji make it great

pretty wife ❤️: but i miss jaehyun ☹️

pretty wife ❤️: i miss my babyyyy (and you guys)

husband (joon) 😚: you want us to visit you? we’ll go home shortly after

pretty wife ❤️: pls 🫶🏼 i loved working and i still love my job, but it feels wrong coming back like nothing when my job position could go to someone else and idkkk i love being able to work from home, just not in person

husband (joon) 😚: then we’ll keep things the way they are pretty <33 we’re on our way

You smile at Namjoon’s message. Your online job wasn’t the one you had in person, it was more of making sure the money of products was either increasing and decreasing and coming up with plans. It was something you’d like to do while staying at home, being a mom, and being completely spoiled by 7 men who loved you wholeheartedly.

You also couldn’t help but feel like an outcast. No one on the floor knew who you were. Eunji and Ari, your best friends, knew and of course, they were excited to see you once they came to find you sitting on the seat that has been empty since you left but, other than that, no one knew who you were. It was nice at first—nobody knowing who you were married to—until the usual small snide comments started. They all assumed you slept with someone to get the job so easily and they assumed the worst because it was hard getting a job there. If only they knew.

“Mr. Kim.”

You perked up at the choruses that came from everyone. The person beside you (that wasn’t Ari), softly nudged you to bow your head. You stayed put.

You smiled as Namjoon, next to all of the boys, was holding your son’s hand tightly, knowing that if he spotted you, he would run off almost immediately.

You packed your things and stood up, looking down at Ari, who was on your left side. “I’m leaving.”

“Aw,” she pouted as she knew what you meant. “I’ll come visit you with Eunji tomorrow once we get out of work.”

You nodded. “Tell Eunji I’ll text her. I feel bad leaving without saying goodbye.”

“She has a meeting it’s not your fault,” Ari said with a chuckle before standing up with you and heading towards the boys.

Everyone looked at you two with confusion, not knowing why you’d even have the confidence, much the balls, to head to them. All 7 men were so scary and intimidating. Though they’re not intimidating and scary as they used to be before they met you, they were still scary.

“Mama!” Jae exclaimed once he saw you. He ran over to you, hugging your legs. “I miss you.”

“Aw, and I missed you, my sweet boy,” you pout down at him before carrying him. He nuzzled his cheek against yours, holding the other cheek with his small hand.

He glanced at Ari.

“Hi, Aun’ Ari.”

“Hi, honey,” she said with a tilt of her head to look at him. She wiggled her fingers as a wave, smiling as he waved back, mimicking her. She turned to look at your 7 husbands. “Here to steal my wife?”

Jungkook gave her a hardened look. “Don’t even start, Ari. Our marriage with her is on paper. Yours is in your head.”

“Whatever.”

You smile as Yoongi leads you towards the elevator while Jae waves “goodbye” to Ari and any worker he made eye contact with.

The workers, having been watching your every move, were shocked to see the 7 men and their bodyguards surround you and the kid, almost as if they were guarding you from any potential threats. Even your baby for God’s sake was looking around, mimicking his dad’s.

Oh, shit, they all realized simultaneously. You’re the wife everyone knew of and heard of.

“Good day, Mama?” Jaehyun asked.

You looked at your baby and then at the others who raised their eyebrows in question. They wanted to know, too. You immediately smiled because you knew if they found out half of them were making up rumors or assumptions, they’d all be gone by tomorrow either fired or dead. Never in between.

“Very good day,” you easily lied through your teeth.

Believing you, Jaehyun smiled, going back to placing his head on your neck. Though, he perked up when a bodyguard placed his hand on the arm you had around his back.

“Hey, ‘eave her,” Jae said with a frown, slapping the guard’s hand away. “Daddy, kill him.”

You softly gasped at his words and looked at your husbands.

“I’m sorry,” you looked at the bodyguard. You turned to eye your son. “Who taught you that, huh?”

“Daddies.”

“He’s lying!”

“He’s a snitch, oh my, God…”

[merakiui]

i know white day was five days ago but my head suddenly remembered that one post where jade asked for a week off to basically rawdog it with his pearl during valentines day and imagine by some miracle that despite going at for days that his pearl isnt pregnant! Now jade is looking at azul again during white day is like “im afraid i have to take another week off. what for? my pearl has something for me :)”

Anyways the point of this was so i can ramble how jade makes you do all the work this time around. its white day after all and don’t forget the hard work he did trying to get you pregnant, so spoil him a little~ keep lifting up your hips surely you don’t expect him to help? he gets to relish the sight of your body and face as you desperately try to reach your climax, ignoring the pain in your thighs to reach that bliss. he also feeds you food to increase fertility and just for extra measure a dip in the ocean with his merform will definitely make sure your round and full by the end of the week. he’s determined to be a father at the end of this and for you to be his loving and very pregnant wife <3

Omg yes,,, at this point Jade doesn't even need to say anything. He steps into Azul's office and Azul can just sense it,,, the feeling of something ominous approaches (a horny Jade). T_T he sends him home early on account of this, which is wonderful for Jade because now he has even more time to spend with you. And ohhh does he make you work on this beautiful White Day!!! There's just one rule: wherever he cums, it has to be inside no matter what. You're free to fuck yourself on him as much as you'd like and whenever you'd like. In fact, he encourages it. :D

If he's busy sleeping and you're desperate to feel him inside, there's no need to wait. You know what to do. :) waking up to you sinking down on his cock is such a wonderful surprise (even if he's mostly anticipating it). Ride him while he reviews emails or other things for Azul. Fuck yourself on him while he's busy making phone calls, but do keep your voice down (unless you want all of these businesspeople to hear what a cock-slut Jade's wifey is hehe).

orz if you're not pregnant after all of this, then there is some antagonistic force at play because Jade is doing every possible thing to make sure you're knocked up. Maybe it pays off in the end and he's knocked you up with twins or triplets. 🤭 a happy ending for Mr. Jade.

[cyberr-v0id]

Im so tired, I genuinely can’t be dealing with this hell again.

So I wrote another poem to deal with my feelings! That’s a lie, I spontaneously decided to write one whilst making this post. Deal with it, I’m a literature nerd you freaks.

Another day I am forced to wake

To rip myself from the land of dreams

And walk this one of torment

To sweeten my day

I turn to my phone, the rectangular box

Of hells and horrors

And I send you a message

‘You’ could be anyone

Anyone to me

But against my better judgment

I have allowed you to become a ‘someone’

I greet you in my usual gruff manner

‘Morning’

And I hope that you understand that I am not mad at you

But I am mad at this cruel existence

Full of vile people and iron pain

I dont know why I worry.

I say this every morning

And it is yet to scare you off

It is far more frightening

And to myself too

When I start the day

With a cheery tone and sickening smile

A choking honey message

Of ‘good morning :)’

Or ‘GOOD MORNING’

Nay- the most cheer you will get from me

Is a brash and bawdy

´MORNIN FREAKS AND AINT IT A TRULY WONDERFUL DAY’

Lathered in sarcasm

But anyways

I message you

In my usual manner

I do not deviate

And I wait for your reply

It never comes.

Not before I have to march

Into the enclosed tin hall

But no matter

You don’t need to be in today

And are likely still sleeping

In that sweet land of dreams

I am early to rise these days

It is not unusual to wait hours

Before hearing from you

While I am trapped in that tin can

I fantasise of you

Before I blink

And am brought heavily back

To where I really am.

I open my phone to our messages

As soon as I am let out

My heart

DROPS.

You have seen it

And you have not replied.

I leave it be

And wait till I am home

Before I ask, at almost lunch

How your day is going?

I foolishly dare to be hopeful

A bit later

An hour or two

You reply

You do not ask me

How my day is going

What I am doing

Or how the exam

Which you know I was dreading

For I do not have a way with numbers

(Though you always attempt to convince me that I do and I am not bad and that ‘no one is bad at maths there’s just bad teachers. Now I say it here, you have no tact, too caught up in your own greatness and teeny tiny failures to even imagine that someone might be bad. But that is cruel and I know it’s not true. You’re good. You’re better than the others. That’s why I chose to trust you. Remember? Remember, o heart?)

Time skip to this evening

Just after tea

And we have spared almost no words

Though I have replied to all of yours in my usual manner

(Still you do not ask about me.)

And I crack

And I spill genuine words

Not about you

And the hurt that you cause

But about a situation that we both can see

Just expressing my frustration

Left.

On.

Read.

Until later I feel the need to clarify something

You’ll never guess

On read again!

Till hours later

You reply

A corporate email sounding response

I almost say that too you

But then you’ll just apologise

And then I’ll feel guilty

For your faults

Suddenly, you appear

The tiny words

´Online’

Atop our messages

Just below your name

I stare at you

You stare at me

Through the screen

Three seconds

Then you leave

I laugh, quietly and dryly to myself

So predictable

This time, I leave you on read

It’s the first time I’ve ever done it deliberately

Yet we both know

That I will not leave it as long as you

And I will be back

To bark my goodbyes of the night

A loyal hound

Despite the beatings

Of the hand that feeds

- Left On Read // Hound that feeds

Another poem by me

[coridallasmultipass]

Vent personal medical long post

Im so fucking sick of being in such bad back pain, nothing is going right for me

I was ready to go to the store for groceries bright and early, but I have to wait for a medication delivery which usually comes between 10-12. This means I have to be sitting downstairs the entire time, since I physically cannot reach the door fast enough if im in my upstairs room. (Even when I'm not injured, its been a problem!)

My mom, grandpa, and I all need the store. But I can't go, even if we take two trips (mom takes grandpa, comes back and takes me), because in the past when we had to do this, granpda decided to go hang out in the garage and not notice the delivery. So i HAVE to be home and ready until it arrives.

Its fucking bullshit that the online pharmacy REQUIRES signature for delivery (they didnt for my first couple shipments, ive been on this med for a while now). Its an ability issue because the delivery people dont wait around more than like 30 seconds. Its a convenience issue because then I have to block out my whole day just in case they come late. (I took a chance and made a phone appointment for 240pm).

So i wait all fucking day. 240 rolls around (my mom downstairs said shed listen for the delivery) and id been waiting in the only place i Know gets cell reception in my room and i dont get the call. 15 minutes later, I get a voicemail notif. Fucking great. I never got the call because i live in a fucking deadzone. I have to get up and lean over my counter and plants to get mildly better reception by the window (i am injured and this was extremely painful for my back). Appointment finished thankfully, but i didnt tell the psych how bad i am rn, because i did not have the energy to stand at the window longer than needed to get refills.

Still no delivery. My mom takes grandpa to the store. My back is all aggravated from sitting on the hard/no back support chairs downstairs all day (i cant go to the couch because its too hard to get up from while im hurting/its hard even when im not hurting because its got the footstool added onto it so its like as long as a bed)

So i sit downstairs more while crying because the pain is getting worse, but no one else was home so i had to. They return and my mom is like 'okay lemme take you now' uh, no!! Grandpa isnt gonna sit around for it. And also. Im hurting way too much, i physically cannot go to a grocery store at this point after sitting with no back support all day and twisting over my plants for the phone.

Mom says shell listen for the door again bc i cannot sit downstairs any more. I get maybe 5 minutes and my back starts to relax a little and my mom comes and goes 'i gotta go get gas so i cant listen for the door'

FUCK, MAN. WHY DIDNT YOU DO IT WHILE YOU GOT GROCERIES?! To top it off, she pushed in the chair i was sitting in (its extremely painful to twist! So pulling it out to sit is super hard for me!) I sit there and its unfuckingbearable i see a ups truck drive around our private street and leave, so theyre probably not coming today, and im in excruciating pain so i go back to my room crying and shaking lmao

My mom gets annoyed with me for complaining about the chair (AGAIN!) And rolls her eyes when i say she shouldve got gas before, like

Fuck off man i am in such bad pain i should be in the fucking er right now

If id known id be downstairs all day i wouldve taken a pain killer but its too fucking late in the day for me to take one now because i gotta take 2 different sleeping meds to get any sleep at all and i dont want them to interact

I fucking hate everything about this man

Oh, and i was gonna contact verizon support about being in a deadzone but it was like "lets fix dropped calls. We recommend: Call us now!" DID YOU NOT SEE THE PART ABOUT DROPPED CALLS. The only other option was to instant message and i dont have the spoons for that right now, i just wanted to send like an email ticket or something

Im supposed to be in a 5g area but its literally a deadzone in my whole house and property, no bars of reception at all, and this isnt a mountainous part of town! Ughhhh

I hate not having the ability to do all of this normally, having an injury is making everything Nightmare Mode difficulty. Having tmj treatment (teeth aligners and mouth guard) is making eating a Nightmare Mode task. Even chewing soft ramen was excruciating. I cant physically cook because of my back and im out of easy food (see: planned grocery trip for today which never happened) so its like. Okay. Guess im not having dinner. Especially not after how badly my back got aggravated today.

And guess what. Im gonna have to do it all again tomorrow now since the delivery isnt gonna happen today. Ill take a painkiller tomorrow, but the uncomfortable chairs is a fact of life i will not be able to escape, since i HAVE to be able to reach the door in like 30 seconds.

All of this couldve been prevented if theyd just let me get a no signature delivery. Its a private street no one comes all the way up to our house, like the only mail theft we had was at the mailboxes on the main street (before we got a locked one).

I COULD call the pharmacy next time to ask, but then were back to the issue of trying to make a phonecall from this house! I had issues last month where i couldnt log in to order my rx because they wanted 2fa and because i live in a dead zone i couldnt get the confirmation texts or calls! It SUCKS. (And i cant do wifi calling because our internet is shit and has like a 5 second lag)

Life has been so fucking miserable for me for like the past 2 months and the last 2 weeks have been even worse because of my back going out and its not getting better.

I cant get into physical therapy because the local place isnt accepting new patients! So like. Thats great. Dunno what i can do about that since i cant go out of town.

Im seeing the chiro but i couldnt get in today because i had the rx delivery and phone appointment lmao (also i was really hurting after the last visit)

Guess im just supposed to suffer lmao

This shit is fucking ridiculous and im so sick of it

The sad thing is that it could be worse. Its been a few months since my last endo flare up and i havent been able to stop worrying about that looming spectre either

That really would be the fucking cherry on top lmao

But the back injury situation is sadder because its something that CAN be treated, its just that treatment is unattainable for me due to living in a small rural town and not having a car. I dunno if i even could drive in this much pain tbh its hard enough being a passenger

So thats my vent. Things really fucking suck for me rn. I just want today to be over. Im in too much pain.

[celestialpotat0]

Rest in peace, dear Aunt Helene

If i had to describe today in only one word, the word would be brutal.

this past week ive been a mess... i had a doctor appt scheduled on my day off, i was sitting in the waiting room crying mainly about my aunt, then when i went in to see the physician i told myself i was going to hold the tears in. they did an ekg on me, i was relieved that i was allowed to just lay there instead of converse, because it gave me an excuse to close my eyes and tell myself to not to cry. when the md came in and asked me about me being upset because staff members had witnessed me crying in the waiting room, at first i told her it was nothing, i was ok. but she pressed on, and the tears came spilling out. it was embarrassing, i felt pathetic for being emotionally weak.

that night, i tried sleeping but i lay awake in bed for most of the night, stressing about my aunt. and i ended up getting only 1 hr of sleep before i had to wake up for work. the next night i couldnt sleep for a long time again.

i flew home saturday, spent most of saturday and sunday in the hospital with my aunt.

today, i held onto her hand and caressed it, standing by her side during her final moments. it was heart-wrenching to monitor her HR, SpO2, and RR when we removed life support, i.e., extubated. at first she was super tachycardic and super tachypneic... for the next three hours she continued to breathe on her own. her vitals were all over the place. body fighting to survive. watched her become super bradycardic, SpO2 drop and drop and drop, eventually she took her last breath, asystole, HR 0, RR 0.

i believe she was able to peacefully and comfortably go. yes, the body is under stress so the vitals and numbers look alarming af. but i think she wasn't in pain or discomfort. and this is what she wouldve wanted rather than prolonging her life in a way that she didn't want. i described her final hours purely just to say that death in general is so brutal, which is to say that life is so damn precious.

i'm going to miss her. it's so sad that she had the infections. so many memories. she worked so hard throughout her life, was a strong mother, experienced difficult times. i cant believe i wont be able to see her smile again. it hurts. how irreversible death is. but this shit happened and the only way to move forward and heal is for me to become a better person bc of this. Life is short and I'm going to hold my loved ones closer and try to treat them better. This gave me a different perspective where a lot of my previous complaints are so trivial now, and why am i complaining when im alive and not fighting to stay alive. i also just care so little now about things that i used to waste my time on, like social media and clickbait articles.

I also lost my Uncle Eddie and Aunt Helene's husband recently. I hadnt seen either of them since before covid. I wanted to write about those two different events too but i just never got a chance to due to time constraints.

thank you to my friends who moved around times to hang out with me yesterday and today due to me having to be in the hospital. thank you to all the health care workers working on their weekend. to the compassionate angels that are nurses. thank you to people (including my PCP) who listened to me and supported me.

leaving on a trip today and will not have wifi or phone service for this week. part of me is anxious about the fact that my emails will pile up impossibly high and i wont be able to respond to people who email me. but what this experience with Aunt Helene has taught me is that there are certain things that truly matter, and getting anxious about work is just a waste of this precious life ive been gifted.

ive also been nodding off repeatedly throughout writing this so this post very well might not make sense. i have to be up in about 5 hrs and am extremely exhausted from barely sleeping this past week. but i really had to write in here before i went to sleep.

[someone-always-cares]

curb your enthusism theme plays

in advance: comic is still going full steam ahead, very small delay, have a new temporary laptop

so. pretty much day after that last post, this happens! long story short, its a hard drive issue (likely hardware issue not software), which is bad because that's where the computers everything lives!

so: waited to go back to work to ask it guys there for help, they cant (time + liability issue, completely understandable), went to local it repair, they told me there was a very good chance of restoring my files. they couldn't. checked out some data recovery specialists, but those cost £500-700ish vaguely, saw one place for £299 (price listed ex vat because theyre dicks) and got excited and contacted them but luckily i checked some not google reviews and saw multiple "don't go here" (1 star on yelp!)

so shits fucked

anyway thats not fucking stopping me

things i still have:

the actual edited comic pages. (backed those up early this year)

the flat pngs of the front/back cover, inside covers (although were work in progress but got all the wip sketches too). apparently dumping them in a discord chat still leaves them in good quality. unlike tumblr. annoying that its just the flat pngs, but since they're finished, its all good

the files for stickers and stickersheets. since i ordered samples before, i just emailed the manu and explained and asked if they could send me the files i submitted, so i have those back (again mostly just pngs but very helpful. shout out to zap creatives)

pages 1 and 4 of the redrawn prologue. (for some reason i didnt send those to anyone and im mad)

a working laptop. mercifully, my bro had his old brick of a dell lying in a drawer (now at least 3rd hand but works like a champ. lots of storage in here!). did have to factory reset because he couldnt remember the password, but here we go! (he even installed steam and discord for me which was nice of him!! he also made the profile for the computer "torries are wankers" typo included and i don't know how to change it but its funny so.)

things that are gone:

most of my sanity

pages 2, 3, and 5 of the redrawn prologue. (fuck)

misc not comic related shit (fuck x2)

chapter five pages after 68. has the pngs for 69, 70,73-75 thought but just the extra small versions (tapas has a limit on width) i don't know why those and not the the og files, i think something went wrong with the backup

the folder that i have manually searched for all sac related art to put in the bonus art pages. like thats not going to take more than a day to find again but ffs

my old laptop. rest in pieces. literally, the repair place somehow fucked up my hinges more than they already were, before it was broken and now its just completely snapped. even before that they said it really wasnt worth fixing. it's like, a decade old probably and already had its case replaced once (used to be red) and it's fan but that was easy to fix. i'm going to have to save up for a new one (although bro's old laptop is growing on me. ive named it The Brick)

my fucking font (apparently the site i used to make a handwriting font saves it to the browser not the account?) but whatever i once emailed an older version of the font to someonw or i can just grab something off blambot, its nbd

have to redraw anything half finished, bleh

anyway tldr:

computer: fucked

files: fucked again

IT help: failed

comic delayed?: barely. honestly not that much. i have the important bits. just need to redraw a few pages and do a bunch of double checking literally everything. at most an extra months work? pain in the ass though

other art files: had more backed up than i thought. didn't do much not comic art this year, kinda glad tbh. fucking rip to anything not in my doodles file.

current timeline: shrugs. not sure but before the end of the year for sure. the only outside deadline is needing comics before megacons in jan, so it'll get done before that.

sticker samples: oh those are done and here. need to adjust the colours slightly but knew that going in (printed in their normal colours to see which ones needed adjusting. mostly the darker colours. looking at you, tree in ch2 sheet) and can also get away with making the borders smaller

also treated myself to some very big holo samples (printed as one giant 30cm holo sticker for price reasons) just to see what they'd look like (fun strech goal? little treat for me? both?)

added little hearts for funsies and so i can cut them all out with scissors. kinda have to anyway, my eyes hurt staring at all that holo

like it was not that fucked when i brought it in??? bro

anyway rip broken piece of shit toshiba, my faithful compainion. you had so many problems. and so little storage. but it was mine. going to see if i can like, safely remove the stickers though. still like them. also there's the brick. liking the wide screen.

anyway that's what's stressing me out the past nearly 3 weeks, and i got the "hardrive is fubar" memo a couple days ago, was waiting to update after everything was fixed or confirmed unfixable and its was unfortunatly the latter, but at least i still have most my art shit and a temp laptop.

this concludes the comic progress update and psa to update your backups

Progress update

Edit: laptop broke (hard drive issue), so thing will either be delayed a week or A Lot depending if my shit is recoverable. Back up your files regularly yall

Realised I should probably update yall on how things are going! Things are almost ready, just need to stich the book together together and finish a couple things, then I can order a sample of the book. I don't want to start the kickstarter until I have a book sample in hand that I'm happy with.

Admittedly looking like my original timeline isn't quite going to fit but such is life. its a close enough timeline so im not too annoyed just not in time to advertise it this weekend

to thank yall for your patience with this, here a sneak peek of the stickersheets made because I'm very happy with them and also because I just approved the proofs the manu sent me for those samples:

disclaimer: colours may vary depending on how the samples turn out (converting rgb to cmyk, my beloathed).

[id: two stickersheets, one of characters from chapter 1, and the other chapter two: chapter 1 sheets has: rami (civilian clothes), his whole team, tsunami, inkmaster, swarm, sound flood, and mori. as well as some smaller stickers: a sparkling wave, rami's logo, two diamond shaped sparkles, a small fireball, swarm's butterly, and three hearts with the ace, trans, and rainbow pride flags. chapter 2 sheet has: lewis and sound flood (both in civilian clothes), iris, faete, mindforce, and omen (super costumes). also several smaller stickers: mindforce's eye, a yellow and pink rose, a snowdrop, faete's sword, iris's notebook (with the words "stay safe"), a starry sky with city view, rami's hand holding a rose, and 5 blue pink and white hearts. end id]

also here's the cover (minus the blurb)

[id: image of the cover design, layed flat. aka the front cover is on the right side, back on the left, and the spin inbetween. designed to look like a corkboard with photos pinned to it, and red sring connecting things. on the back there are photos that are from various panels in chapter 1 and 2 (redrawn, specifically faete after transforming, cam readying her forcefield, lewis on the roof, and tsunami riding his wave. the back also contains enamel pins: a trans flag, an ace flag, and mindforce's eye. as well as the corner of a missing persons poster, a business card for "cullen's bowls 'n' bowls", and a blank sheet of notebook paper where the blurb should be. the spine has some starry washi tape with the title written on. the front has a piece of blue paper torn off at the end with the title on it, and stickers of a silver star and rami's logo. below is a large image of rami sitting in the water staring intestly at the viewer, light emerging behind him. around him, hands all strech out towards him, hands belonging to the significant character significant in chapters 1 and 2 of sac. end id]

so specifically what is left (no particular order):

spellchecking

adding page numbers to the bottom

finishing the rest of the not comic pages (aka the thank you note, about the author, deciation and the bit where im going to add names of people who pledged to the kickstarter) 75% done

character bios (admittedly optional i just want to do them)

bonus pages for art and sketches (i have collected all the art and sketches, its just deciding which ones to ue and which ones to save for next time because it makes more sense to put them with the more spoilery chapters 3-5 specific arts)

assembling these and sending a sample off to print

actually starting the kickstarter (once i have decived book sample back and am happy. i am not starting it without knowing 100% that i can fufill it right then and there)

(in the intrest of transperency: while these are all easy and mostly quick (aside from character bios. havent started that one yet), i also have some upcomign events that will have to take priority. that being a convention this weekend, next weekend, and my sisters wedding the weekend after (and the wedding gift, which is custom artwork of my sister and future brother in law. like a wedding painted but not on the day and also digital. so that will take up a bit of time after [another reason i wanted to get this done before then but ah well])

for real though one day i hope to be able to do art stuff full time because i am. so tired of doing a day job

also also there are versions of lewis and rami stickers in super outfits, they'll be seperate stickers

[id: drawings of lewis and rami, same as the stickers in the sheets, just seperate and in different outfits, the drawings have been placed close together, so it looks like thye're holding hands. end id]

you can make them hold hands :)

[the-kipsabian]

the one thing im really glad about work tho is that im allowed to work kind of a hybrid form of being at the office and being at home where i can be here in the morning and if i have nothing going on and nothing that requires me to use the laptop i can just go home halfway through the day as long as im still reachable by the phone, its really doing good for my mental health

[eggs-love-loki]

Today was not the best day but hopefully it’ll turn around this evening for aerial yoga

[jcwriting]

There’s A First Time For Everything

summary ↬ namjoon has never had a blowjob before. you’re about to change that.

pairing ↬ idol!namjoon x reader

genre ↬ smut, pwp (im not kidding there is zero plot to this), fluff, (new) established relationship 

word count ↬ 2.8k

warnings ↬ swearing, oral (m receiving), face fucking, choking, reader has a painful thigh kink (don’t we all), overuse of the word thigh

authors note ↬ listen,,,,i saw that picture of namjoon in shorts (you know the one) and i just,,,lost it. also, this is my first time posting fic for bts and im shitting bricks about it so pls be nice to me!!!!! i hope you enjoy this quick (thirsty) little ode to namjoon’s thighs. pls let me know what you think!

also, the gif above haunts me. everyday. okay, enjoy.

“I want to give you a blowjob.”

Namjoon choked on the swig of water he had just taken. The two of you were watching TV. Actually, Namjoon was watching TV. You were sitting on the floor at the coffee table with your laptop out to answer some work emails. But, you were distracted. Specifically by Namjoon’s shorts. More specifically, Namjoon’s thighs in said shorts. The smooth golden skin was begging for your lips and your fingers itched to scratch your nails down to his knees. Then, your eyes naturally glided further up to the apex of his thighs. Where you knew his cock was resting. Again, just begging to be in your mouth. The thought of your jaw and throat aching while he lost it above you consumed your mind. All hope was lost then.

“You…um. Sorry. You want to do that?”

You cocked your head to the side. “Uh, yeah. Wait, did you want me to ask? I’ll ask. Can I give you a blowjob? Please?”

Namjoon chuckled. “No, no. You don’t have to ask. It’s just, y’know, are you sure?”

“Yes,” you said slowly. What was he not getting? “Do you not want one?”

“No! No, oh my god. I want that. I definitely want that. That’s not the issue.”

“Then, what is?”

Namjoon blew out a breath that fluttered the hair that rested on his forehead. He cupped the back of his neck and rubbed awkwardly. “I’ve never had someone do that to me before. So-”

“What?” You would have been less shocked if he had told you that he was a closeted furry. The two of you had only been dating for about a month so the in-depth what things did your ex do in bed conversation hadn’t been fully fleshed out yet. You knew he had lost his virginity to his previous girlfriend and they had had a healthy sex life, so you had just assumed that him receiving oral was part of that. Yet…this man, this absolute Adonis of a man had never gotten his cock sucked? It was the most absurd thing you had ever heard in your life. “Hold on. You had a girlfriend before me, right? She didn’t go down on you? Ever?”

Namjoon looked like he wanted the couch to swallow him whole but you barely noticed. You were too busy experiencing the shock of your fucking life. “I did. But she - uh, no. She didn’t want to and I didn’t want to pressure her.”

Your heart melted a little before you shut your laptop. Healthy sex life your ass. You were sucking this mans dick and that was final. “I’m going to give you a blowjob, Namjoon. Right now.” You turned to him and began crawling forward. His eyes flew to your ass that swayed in the air and he audibly swallowed. “If you don’t want me to then you need to tell me within the next thirty seconds.”

“Oh God,” he whimpered and spread his legs a little wider. You were salivating. “Yes. As long as you’re sure-” Whatever he was going to say was cut off by a heavy groan as your hands slid up his thighs. Finally, you smiled to yourself as you bent your fingers and allowed your nails to dig into the meat of his inner thigh.

“I have a thing for your thighs,” you murmured. “Never realized I had a thigh kink until I met you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I want to ride your thighs. Will you let me?”

“God, yes.” Namjoon went to reach for your arms but you batted his hands away. This wasn’t about you right now. This was about him. You reached for your hair and quickly pulled it into a sloppy bun. His eyes followed your movements and you didn’t miss how the bulge in his shorts twitched.

“I need you to tell me if I do something that you don’t like, okay? I want to make you feel good. Don’t be afraid to talk to me. If you like something, let me know. If not, then definitely let me know.” Namjoon nodded feverishly. His eyes were almost black and his chest was straining against his white top. You smirked to yourself. This was going to be fun.

Bending down, you pressed a kiss to the top of his thigh. Your mouth dragged along his skin and you relished in the way he quivered beneath you. Following the seam of his leg before doing the same on the other. Nails pressed little crescent moons into his flesh before your thumbs smoothed over the marks. Your nose lifted the loose material of his shorts up to his hips and skimmed the exposed areas as your tongue reached out to flick the little freckle that found a home on his hip before you set your sights on his dick that was straining for you. Lips that had previously kissed his skin now moved to the fabric that jailed his heavy cock. Sitting back, your thumb traced the underside of his dick softly before you barely brushed over the head. The cotton dragged against your finger and Namjoon huffed loudly before lifting his hips further into your touch.

“Don’t tease.” Namjoon’s voice had lowered a few octaves and the deep tone had you clenching your thighs. His hands fisted the pillows next to him and you could feel the restraint he was exacting on himself through the trembling of his muscles.

“I’m not,” you promised. “I’m just making sure you’re ready.”

“I am. Swear to God.”

Unable to keep the smile off your face, you nodded and reached for the waistband of his shorts. He lifted his hips and helped you shove the material to his ankles. That was when you realized two things.

One, he was right. His cock laid thick and proud on his stomach and was weeping for you. He was of average length but his girth let you know that were going to struggle to fit him in your mouth. The thought only made you shiver in delight. A phantom pain panged in your gut when you took in the slight curve of the head, knowing it was going to hit everything you needed.

Second, he had the prettiest cock you had ever seen. You never thought dicks were pretty. In fact, you were pretty resolute on that thought. Most likely due to the disgusting amount of unsolicited dick pics you had received in your life. But, Namjoon’s?  You wanted to take a picture, frame it and admire it whenever you wanted to. The skin that stretched around his width was a shade darker than the rest of him and his cock head, a pretty red color, made you want to see how far down you could get the flush to go.

You wrapped your hand around his length and twisted up. Namjoon’s back arched off the couch and a string of curses fell off of his lips. Your thumb collected the glistening pre-cum on his tip and used it to smooth your palm over him.

“I normally don’t say this,” you said as you became infatuated with the vein that ran along the underside of his cock, “but if you want to send me a dick pic, I definitely won’t complain. Like, ever.”

“B-baby, I’ll give you whatever you want. Just keep doing what you’re doing.” Namjoon moaned, throwing his head back when your thumb pressed against the delicate skin that resided under the his mushroom tip.

You giggled lightly. “So sensitive. I’ve barely even started.”

Namjoon opened his mouth to say something but you didn’t give him a chance. You licked the vein that had caught your eye earlier and followed it to the top before enveloping the head of him into the heat of your mouth. You relished the broken groan that he let out. Several kitten licks were placed on his weeping slit before taking him deeper. You worked slowly, gauging his reaction as you took him further. He responded well, panting and moaning in encouragement, head still thrown back against the couch.

“You can look at me, you know,” you reminded him as he popped out of your mouth. Kisses were mouthed over the soft skin that was wrapped around the steel of his erection. Your hand used your spit as lube to tug him harder.

“Can’t,” Namjoon gasped. “Gonna blow my load if I watch you.”

“That’s kind of the whole point.”

“Not yet,” he whined. “I don’t want this to be over.”

You pinched his hip until he met your gaze, offering him a sweet smile. “This isn’t going to be the last time I get on my knees for you, baby.” You held his wide-eyed stare as you took him back into your mouth. Ignoring how his hands seemed to flutter around you, unsure of what to touch, you focused on sliding him further into your mouth. Then, you sucked hard, using your tongue to lave at the warm skin.

Namjoon lost it above you. He released a strangled moan that caused your core to absolutely gush. One hand finally tangled into your hair and the other gripped your shoulder with warning, which you ignored. You merely sucked and pulled harder. Namjoon’s hips flexed, causing the tip of him to slam into the back of your throat. Not expecting it, you couldn’t help but cough around him as your eyes watered.

“Oh, God! I’m so sorry.” Namjoon used the hand on your shoulder to yank you off. His thumbs wiped at the tears that trickled down your cheeks, the concern etched across his face made you feel warm inside. “Shit, are you okay?”

“I am, promise,” you assured him. “Just give me a second, okay?”

He nodded while pushing back some of your hair that had escaped your sloppy up-do. You gently removed his hands before looking down at his length that was still clutched in yours. As much as he had shocked you, the thought of him fucking your face was not something you shied away from. Really, it was exactly what you wanted. But you needed to prep a bit first.

When you took him back in your mouth, you focused on relaxing the muscles in your throat. Breathing deeply through your nose, you slowly worked yourself further down until your nose was pressed into the base of him. Spit trickled out of your mouth and over his balls as you pulled back. You did this a few more times, working past your gag reflex and allowing your throat to get used to the intrusion.

Namjoon was anything but quiet as you deep throated him. It was honestly the sexiest thing you had ever heard. While your past lovers hadn’t necessarily been quiet, the praises Namjoon kept raining on you and the beautiful noises he made were music to your ears. Your body certainly agreed. Your cunt ached to be filled and the fabric of your panties was soaked through. But, you ignored your needs and focused on the panting man before you.

“Okay,” you nodded as you popped him out of your mouth. “I’m ready.”

It took Namjoon’s brain a few seconds to process what you said. He shifted restlessly on the couch cushions as you ran your hands over his thighs. “Huh? W-what did you say?”

“I’m ready for you to fuck my face.”

His pupils were blown wide as he stared at you with an open mouth. “Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you.”

“What if I want it to hurt?” You stared at him while purring the words that was his undoing. Namjoon’s eyes got impossibly darker as his chest expanded with a sharp intake of breath. He spread his legs wider and gently held the back of your head as he guided you down his shaft. You held eye contact with him as he cautiously raised his hips to meet your lips. Once he saw no signs of distress from you, he began thrusting more consistently as you bobbed your head to match his rhythm.

His steady movements didn’t last long but it didn’t bother you. You were more than happy to take over for him. Like you said, this wasn’t going to be the last time you worshipped his cock. The two of you had plenty of time to figure things out. Plus, knowing how much you clearly affected him gave you all the motivation you needed.

Your throat began to tense up again so you focused your attentions on his sensitive head and let your hands twist up to your mouth and back down. The sounds of your palm gliding along his slick skin and your lips sucking tightly filled the spacious living room. They were nearly drowned out by Namjoon, though.

“Baby, oh f-fuck…shit,” he keened loud and hard when your other hand moved to brush over his swollen balls. You cupped them gently and rolled them between your fingers. Even as he was practically thrashing against you, hips thrusting in an aimless rhythm, the hand he had originally placed on the back of your head remained there. He applied no pressure, allowing you to set the pace, but it also seemed to ground him. To remind him that this wasn’t a dream.

“M’gonna cum. Baby…baby, I’m gonna cum. Soon, oh God,” he babbled. You appreciated the warning but you didn’t need it. He was twitching wildly in your mouth and your tongue was coated with the salty essence of his pre-cum. In response, you ran your index finger on that sensitive spot behind his balls and that’s when Namjoon exploded.

Thick ropes of white shot down your throat, causing you to almost gag. Instead, you swallowed past the reflex and took as much as you could. By the fourth stream, a bit had managed to slip past the suction of your mouth and dribble down his cock. You were quick to clean up, licking at the mess the both of you had made before returning to his tip. You suckled the sensitive head until Namjoon practically shoved you away from him.

When you looked up you were met with a glorious sight. Namjoon was completely fucked out, twitching against the couch and his broad chest heaving for air. Sweat beaded his sharp jaw line and trickled down the column of his throat. His face was tilted towards the ceiling and his hair was haphazardly pushed off of his forehead. He looked completely ruined and entirely yours.

“Was that good?” You asked softly as you rose to your feet, ignoring the sharp ache in your knees. Namjoon made an unintelligible sound in the back of his throat that you took as a resounding yes. He cracked his eyes open and looked at you with such adoration you couldn’t help but blush.

“Really?” He murmured. “Don’t get shy on me now. You can’t just suck the life out of me one second and then start blushing like a school girl immediately after.”

“It’s called duality,” you muttered as your cheeks flushed darker. Namjoon snorted and reached for you, pulling you onto his lap. His spent cock nestled between your thighs and his eyes rolled back into his head when he felt the simmering heat through the fabric of your shorts.

“I need five minutes. Then, I swear to God, I’m going to eat you out like you deserve.”

Giggling, you wrapped your arms around his neck, playing with the strands of hair at the base of his neck. “You don’t have to. This wasn’t a quid pro quo situation. I gave you a blowjob because I wanted to. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“It’s either you give me five minutes so that I can eat you out or ten minutes so I can fuck you into next week. You decide.”

His determination brought a smile to your face until you took in the purple bags under his eyes and how his eyelids kept drooping lower and lower. “How about a nap first, hm? I’ll decide after you get some sleep.”

Namjoon looked like he wanted to protest but you kissed him instead. His argument clearly wasn’t that strong because when you pulled away he was nodding in resignation. You helped him pull up his shorts and squealed when he lifted you up into his arms. Wrapping your legs around his waist, you let him carry you into the bedroom and wrap the both of you up in the comforter. You hadn’t planned on sleeping with him, wanting to get more work done while he slept. But the faint scent of his aftershave and the soft way he caressed your spine could lull an insomniac to sleep. Who were you to refuse?

“Wake me up when you decide,” Namjoon whispered into your hair. You nodded against his chest, and within minutes the two of you slipped into a deep slumber. Happy and content.

©jcwritings Do not repost, translate, or use my stories without my permission.

LINKS:

masterlist

ao3

[kinnbig]

update:

got through to the medical secretary yesterday but still no information. the doctor i was meant to see went on leave yesterday and won’t be back for a week. secretary couldn’t tell me anything over the phone.

i convinced her to at least get me my blood test and x-ray results (which they’d been refusing to give me up until this point until i’d seen a doctor) - but she isn’t allowed to email them, she has to put them in the physical post. so i won’t know anything until next week (but and even then. im pretty good at understanding what blood test results sheets mean generally, but these were a bunch of very specific tests. so i’ll just have doctor google to tell me what all the codes mean lol).

anyway. i’m not doing great. i’m so unwell all the time and in so much pain and i just want answers.i’ve been waiting and not knowing for so long while i had all these tests and i really thought i was finally going to get some answers and now it feels like it’s just been snatched from me. and it wasn’t my fault it was theirs but i’m the one having to rush around and try and fix it. and i’m back to waiting and not knowing and i’m so sick and i’m so sick of it.

anyway anyway. i’m not really feeling up to being a human being at the moment. i’m in and out of tumblr a bit because it’s a nice distraction for my brain, but talking to people and holding conversations is difficult at the moment so i’m sorry if i’m MIA/taking a very long time to reply to anything. it’s not personal i’m just. yeah. bad brain.

i'm going to start biting and maiming and clawing at the walls but not even in a good way

[handweavers]

hey Kiran. um. not totally sure how to ask this. but i was hoping you could talk about some of your experiences with university as a disabled person of colour in Canada? bc i am those things as well (lol) and ive just about finished my first term and im thinking hard about whether or not i should continue despite the difficulty and youve spoken about some of that before. if you dont want to talk publicly i can come off anon

i'm okay with talking loosely about it publicly but if you want more precise/specific info talking privately would be better or if you want to know something that i don't mention in this answer. i also can't speak for experiences that i don't have, ie. my experience is my own and may or may not reflect yours or that of other disabled poc given the sheer diversity of people encompassed by that phrase. i'm just going to do bullet points here of stuff i think is most important off the top of my head:

- first of all, see if you qualify for the canada permanent disability student grant benefit if you aren't already receiving it. i'm familiar with OSAP but regardless of what province you're in, if you provide documentation that states you have a permanent disability to your province's student aid system and you show financial need you can receive up to $2000 per semester IN GRANTS (not loans) from the federal government as part of the canada permanent disability student benefit to help you with tuition and paying for other expenses, and even more if you do a spring/summer semester. again, it's paperwork and it's a drag, but that's a LOT of money that can make your life easier so you can focus on taking care of yourself and on your education. and again, i repeat, it's a GRANT not a loan, you don't have to pay it back.

- with that out of the way, i've found university exceptionally difficult and something i would only recommend if going to university is what is needed for the job you want to do or the field you want to be in. if you're unsure of what you want to do/what your goal is for university, or if what you want to do doesn't necessarily require a bachelor's degree, i don't think the pain is worth it. wait or do something else and then if you know for sure what you want and that you need a degree to get there, go ahead, and pace yourself. don't do a full course load, figure out what the sweet spot for you is and stick to that. my max course load is 3 classes per semester, less if i'm doing studio courses. if you have your disability status on file with your uni and with your provincial student aid system, you can take as little as 30-40% course load* (depends on the school and province) and you will still count as a full time student and reap the benefits of that.

- make sure that you have academic accommodations with your university's accessibility services, it can be a lot of work but it will save your life. having that & especially having accommodations that Require professors to give you extensions to assignments is so necessary and is the only reason i've gotten this far. the process for getting this & for getting permanent disability approved for student aid with the government various depending on your disabilities and can be exhausting and inaccessible, which is a problem in itself, but its completely necessary and something I personally would've been completely fucked without

- ive been in post secondary education for 6+ years now and i have never encountered a professor that refused to give me an extension on an assignment, including when I've submitted assignments late without mentioning it to them first, and outside of accommodations I put this largely on keeping an open and friendly communication with my profs. at the start of the semester I let them know that I have accommodations and will need extensions due to physical and mental health issues, and whenever i've had a flare up the first thing I did once I felt well enough to was to email them and let them know, and tell them that I am working on my assignments and will try my best to get them in as soon as I can. I have even submitted assignments weeks late, with an apology and amended with "I understand if this can't be marked/if it's too late, and I thank you for your patience with me regardless" and every single time they have marked my assignment without penalty. even if you have to suck up to them and apologize and do all of that shit, do it, because it'll save you. you don't need to elaborate and write your life story, just speak plainly and tell them you're having issues related to the reasons why you have accommodations and you're struggling but you're trying, and they will appreciate that. the vast majority of them want you to succeed and want to help you do that, you just have to try to meet them partway.

- if something fucked up is going on and you need help with a prof or some other kind of situation, contact your student union and ask them for help and they can either write on your behalf to wherever the complaint is best sent and follow up with it on your behalf OR point you in the right direction and offer support and resources. check if your student union has an accessibility rep and a rep for students of colour and contact them in particular, they are there to help you and they are your peers. they will also almost definitely have a food bank and can help you when it comes to your student medical insurance plan or any other concerns

- if you're on OSAP or other student aid and you need to drop a class, do it early, don't force yourself to suffer through it, because the longer you wait to drop it the higher chance you won't get a refund for the course, and if youre receiving grants that $ will be converted to loans if you don't get that refund. again, this is based on my experience with OSAP, but be aware of drop dates and plan accordingly. if something happens and you miss the drop date though, don't force yourself to suffer and stick through a course you know you cant finish. drop it before you get a 0 or failing mark on your file, because that can fuck you with the university admin side of things and get you on academic probation which can then effect your OSAP or whichever student aid service you have. based on experience I'd rather just get the $500 or however much tuition for that class cost me converted to a loan and deal with paying that back after I graduate, but of course it's entirely up to you.

[versadies]

Before I share my thoughts, remember that you shouldn't let other's preference change what you write if what you're writing is making you happy.

Honestly I also strongly loathe jeanluc but it's not the main thing that made me drop the series. Rather the synopsis & everything implied strongly that it'll be a diluc x reader, call it the "reward" the main thing that made us click it. We then went through a painful journey but it's ok there's "motivation", we'll be rewarded in the end

Then smack in the face! Diluc mutually loves Jean back. There's now 2 options - there's no reward afterall so why bother continue? or the reward comes with guilt, make reader the bad person. Both are unpleasant options.

i think what makes me feel happy about writing is the fact that people enjoy it, so if some people feel disappointed or uncomfortable, i wont enjoy it too (which is sad but its not rlly an unhealthy thing for me as far as im concerned) and try to make some changes if necessary. its a big mistake of mine to not specify that reader wouldnt end up with diluc so i apologize for those who are disappointed, maybe i shouldnt have put it in the fic and left it instead.

of course, i understand why you’re dropping it and im not stopping you from it, i just want to clarify some things. regarding the options you’re talking about. there is a reward and its been there all along — i am not planning to make this series a bad ending nor will i make reader a bad person and be insistent on loving diluc despite his engagement because that’s too much, yknow? by the time tumblr-support is able to fix my problem w being unable to update my evermore masterlist, you guys will eventually find out another thing about the series and dw, it’s gonna be a good thing (for some at least).

ill also add a warning to new readers that this series won’t be as happy as they expected for reader and diluc.

overall, i apologize again for the disappointment and for the mistake i made. ill fix the sypnosis and add warnings just so more people wont be disappointed when they encounter the series by the time the masterlist post is fixed (when? not sure, im just waiting for tumblr-support’s email to tell me its fixed). ty for sharing your thoughts anon <333

[lilysdaydreams]

The Artist and The Musician

→  I do not claim to know corpse- therefore please don’t think that this is what he would actually act like, or that any details about his life are actually true. this is fiction.

→ Pairing: Corpse Husband X Fem!Reader

→ Genre: Fluff.

→ Words: 5.6k

→ Request:  Hey! It’s me again lmao I was curious maybe like sykunno or raes little sister (like 2 or 3 years younger) meets the group and her and corpse just click. How would either of them react to them hearing the news that their little sis is dating corpse and like they’ve moved in together and everything idk I thought it’d be cute💛

→ Warnings: Swearing.

→ Authors Note: Its been a hard couple of weeks and im really sorry that this took so long to be done but depression rlly hit me and I could barely move myself. I hope you enjoy this, and if you do, please comment some words of encouragement or feedback 💛

→  if you have some spare change , consider buying me a coffee.

You sighed as you finally dropped the last box in your new room, stretching to get rid of the pains in your back. Grabbing your phone, you moved over to Sykkunos room, knocking before sticking your head in.

"You want subway?" you asked when he looked up from the computer. He nodded with a quick smile, and as you closed the door behind you, you could hear him talking to the stream, letting them know that it was just his sister. Quickly ordering on Ubereats, you slumped on the sofa, closing your eyes and resting for a bit.

You had decided to move in with Sykkuno a month ago, the same week you'd decided to drop out of college. It wasn't something your parents were happy with, but after seeing how big your art and business had gotten, they had let you drop out. You'd dropped out and moved to LA, moving into an apartment with Sykkuno since he had to leave the OTV house. Sykkuno had moved in a week earlier which was why his room and computer was all set up. You'd only moved in today, spending a few weeks at home with your parents before leaving for LA. Stretching, you grabbed your phone, checking how long it would be until the food came, and then clicking on Instagram. Your most recent post was of this morning, a photo of you sitting on top of half the boxes in your room, throwing a peace sign at the camera. Sykkuno had taken it for you, the whole process taking 10 minutes cuz you made him take it at 45 different angles. Scrolling through the comments, you liked a few, replying to the ones by your best friends.

@selinaissss: "HOW DARE YOU LOOK THIS PERFECT AT 8 IN THE MORNING????"

→ @junefarie: i look like a racoon dont u dare

@onlyalyssa: "we need a house tour"

→ @junefarie: bitch I dont even have a bed yet

You grabbed the subway order when the bell rang, saying a quick thank you to the delivery man. You left yours on the table, and went to Sykkunos room, yelling "Sykkuno catch!" before throwing it at him, giggling as he leapt forward from his chair to catch it. Closing the door softly behind you, you jumped onto the couch, sitting cross-legged, grabbing your sketchbook and pencils from your backpack and setting them on your lap. It was time to wind down a bit.

~

It was a week later and you had unpacked fully, now focusing more on creating new pieces of art for a shop update. You were also working on some designs specifically for shirts and hoodies. Sykkuno found you in front of your computer, blanket wrapped around you and glasses perched on your nose as you emailed the manufacturer you were working with for the hoodies.

"Un, y/n?" he said hesitantly knocking on the door. You spun around in your chair, raising your eyebrows at him. "What's up?"

He walked in, sitting down gingerly on the edge of the bed and you got your water from the table, taking a sip as you wait for him to talk.

"I um- You know how I- I play Among Us right?" he asked, scratching his neck.

You hummed in response, urging him on with a nod. Sykkuno was almost never this nervous around you. Most of the time, you guys talked normally, joking and teasing each other. For him to be stuttering around you, he must have been extremely nervous.

"Well, you know Rae right? She um, she asked me to make a lobby," he said, standing up and pacing now. You furrowed your brows, confused as to where this was going.

He was explaining what a lobby was (which what the fuck, you watched his streams, of course you knew what a lobby was, why was he explaining that) when you cut him off, getting up and grabbing his shoulders to stop him.

"Hey, what's wrong?" you asked, holding his shoulders with both your hands.

He sighed and slumped into you, his head coming to a rest on your shoulder.

"Rae asked me to make a lobby and it's the first time I've ever made one and I'm really nervous about it. I've already invited people, but um I was wondering if you wanted to join as well? I- It would help me to have you there." he muttered, the words muffled as he spoke into your shoulder.

"Me?" you asked, a little shocked because you had never played among us before.

He nodded against your shoulder.

"Um sure!" you said, wrapping your arms around his middle, "It'll be fun!"

"And hey," you added on when he didn't say anything after that, "I can meet all your friends as well!"

He finally lifted his head a little, smiling as he muttered out a quick "Thanks y/n."

"However," you added, jumping back onto your seat and wiggling your eyebrows at him. "You have to buy me pizza for tonight's dinner."

He chuckled, grabbing his phone and already mutterng the order to himself as he opened up the ubereats app and walked out of the room.

You turned back to the laptop humming a tune under your breath. From interactions like this, most people would probably assume that you were older but the truth was that Sykkuno was 5 years older than you. Your roles were reversed and you were probably more protective over him than anyone else. Once in high school a girl had called him cute and asked him for his number only to write it on the bathroom walls. After the first three prank calls, you'd taken the phone from him yelling at anyone who called that if they called again, that you'd personally track them down and shove a dildo up their ass.

Both of you had always been close, but with the amount of bullying and teasing he got in high school, you'd got even closer, eventually becoming his best friend in a way. Seeing Sykkuno grow as a person, get new friends who were genuinely nice and kind made you the happiest person alive. When Sykkuno had first started streaming you'd been worried, scared that people online would say something mean. When he had first started streaming with other streamers and then met Lily and all his other friends, you had been anxious, worrying that they might only be putting up a friendly facade. You were also the happiest though when he grew even closer to them, when he smiled more, laughed more, talked more.

You had yet to meet or talk to any of his friends, mostly because you'd been in college, and the pandemic had made it harder. Maybe it was finally time.

~

The day came and you sat in your room, once again a blanket wrapped around you, glasses perched on your nose as you accepted the discord invite Sykkuno sent you.

"DO I GO IN THE CHAT THINGY?" you yelled to Sykkuno, hearing a "YES" before clicking on the voice chat.

You mumbled a "hello", wondering if your mic was on.

"Hey, yeah I can hear you y/n."

Breathing a sigh of relief, you logged into the game, smiling as you heard sykkuno introduce you to his chat. "Hi everyone," you said, feeling a bit weird only talking to a screen. You rubbed your hands, a little nervous to be doing this.

Just then someone else joined and before you could even speak another three people joined as well, all of them yelling hello as they joined.

"He- Hey guys, how's everyone doing?" started sykkuno.

"Im doing great oh my god, guess what guys, I'm-" started Rae, cutting herself off. "wait, whos um "ms snores a lot"?

You were a bit confused for a second, furrowing you eyebrows for a second before realising what had happened.

"SYKKUNO YOU ASSHOLE WHAT THE FUCK?" you yelled, staring at the name underneath the voice channel that you now realised belonged to you. You could hear Sykkunos laughter from the other room but you just spluttered indignantly. He was the one who had set up everything on your computer yesterday because technology was something that you rarely messed around with.

"Sykkunooo" you whined, when he kept laughing, "How the fuck do I change it now?"

"Um wait, sykkuno who is this?" asked Rae, the other three echoing her. You glanced at the names and from the voices figured out that it was Rae, Toast, Sean and Corpse in the lobby.

"Hey okay, so guys this is my sister, her names y/n and we recently moved in together, so I asked her to be in the lobby because... um.." he said stuttering at the end to find a reason.

"Because he wanted to embarrass me apparently!" you exclaimed, giving him a way out.

"Oh god, um - you can change it in settings, at the bottom near where your name is."

"Ahhh," you said finding it and then simply typing in your art business name.

"Its nice to meet everyone by the way," you started. "I've been watching your videos for ages so it almost fels like I already know you"

Raes voice started in your ears and you winced at the volume befoe turning it down a bit.

"I would love to say that Sykkuno has told us a lot about you, but the truth is that he keeps a lot of secrets and I didnt even know he had a sister, I AM SO SHOCKED RIGHT NOW"

You gasped. "Sykkuno what the fuck, you didn't even tell Rae?"

"You told me not to tell a lot of people!" he protested.

You heard someone saying "they're so different!' but you ignored it and kept talking.

"Yeah at the start! and on stream! I can't believe you never even said you had a sister." you spluttered out, followed by another gasp.

"Are you embarrassed of me?" you whispered dramatically.

"N-What no of course not!" he exclaimed, and you could also imagine how wide his eyes would have gotten.

You giggled before telling him that you were only joking.

"Um since sykkuno is embarrassed of me," you said jokingly, "I'll just tell you myself."

"I'm like five years younger than sykkuno, I'm a June baby, I do art, my star sign is cancer, I'm 5'4, I recently moved in with sykkuno, and my favourite colour is purple!"

"Oh is that why your username is junefarie? Because you were born in June?" asked Sean.

Before you could say yes, someone else cut in.

"Wait, junefarie?" asked corpse, "like the artist?"

Your eyes widened as you realised that he knew you. Sure you had quite a few followers, but you never expected any of Sykkunos friends to know you from there.

"Um yeah," you said letting out a shocked laugh, "I didnt expect anyone here to know about me."

"Dude, your art is fire!" he exclaimed, voice louder now. "I was honestly thinking of buying a piece soon, I've followed you for ages!"

"Wait, I wanna see as well." whined Rae, "Ima look you up, are you on Instagram?"

"Um," you said still shocked by the fact that somone this big knew you. "yeah I'm on instagram, its just junefarie." you said first replying to Rae, "Um corpse, thankyou so much! thats so nice of yo!"

"Um my art isn't that great yet," you chuckled, embarrassed by all the attention now. "I'm hoping to improve a lot more and I have a bunch of ideas for it as well. I'm hoping to work more now that I moved in with Sy."

"Oh my god, this is amazing," whispered Rae, Toast and Sean echoing her. You ducked your head even though no one could see you. Your cheeks were blazing hot and you pressed your hands to them to cool yourself down.

"Thankyou," you mumbled, not sure what to say.

Someone else entered the lobby, and said "hi" and you welcomed the source of distraction.

"Hi! I'm Sykkunos sister, y/n!" you said , wanting to move away from the topic of your art.

The reply of "sykkuno has a SISTER?" made everyone laugh, successfully moving the attention to Sykkuno and off your art. Finally Sykkuno started the game and you breathed as you lost yourself in the art of gaming.

"OH MY GOD!" yelled Rae as the game ended and everyone appeared in the lobby. "That was like amazing, Y/N I cant belive you pulled that off!"

She was talking about the last game where there was 50/50 between corpse and Sykkuno (because you refused to kill sykkuno when you were imposter) and you somehow managed to convince Sykkuno that it was Corpse.

"Honestly, neither can I!" you exclaimed back staring at your screen, eyes blurring the screen because of how tired you were.

"I can't believe Sykkuno," mumbled corpse. "I literally said I saw her vent and kill toast and Sykkuno was still like "hmmm, I don't think so."

Giggling at Sykkunos yell of "SHES MY SISTER" you yelled out a bye as everyone started leaving and then struggled to find a way to end the call.

"Wait, how do I end it," you muttered to yourself.

You jumped as Corpse talked, not expecting anyone to be there.

"You can see yoru name at the bottom left right? Its above that but a little to the right." he said chucling a little.

"Oh." you said, you cheeks heating up. You didnt know if it was because of him or because you were utterly useless with technology.

"Um thankyou," you said awkwardly.

"No problem."

You exited out of the call, a small smile at your lips.

Sykkunos friends were nice.

~

After the stream, your fanbase grew, and with it, the number of orders as well. For the next week, you were buried under orders, only leaving the house to go to the post office.

An Instagram post on @junefarie account: 

[ID: A photo of y/n and sykkuno standing in the middle of the living room, packages scattered everywhere. Y/n is hugging Sykkuno tight and Sykkuno is staring at the camera, a distressed look on his face.]

Caption: Thankyou so much for all my supporters and all the love shown to me. Sending out loads of orders and I cant wait for you gusy to get yours! Special thanks to @sykkuno for helping me send out orders. luv yu.

Comments: 

@Sykisacutie: best sibling duo!

@valkyrae: hope my order is in their as well.

→ I SCREAMED WHEN SY TOLD ME THAT WAS YOUR NAME.

@corpse_husband: sykkuno looks like he's accepted death.

→ @sykkuno: I would have welcomed death at that point

→ @corpse_husband @sykkuno: okay ill be honest, I would have welcomed death as well.

@ariesin: go best friend, go! we need to get together to paint soon !!

→ SOONNNNNN

~

You flopped onto your bed, every part of your body hurting. Carrying boxes filled with orders down the stairs had tired your whole body, which wasn't used to any exercise at all. That had taken practically the whole day and then you had to clean your room because the mess from the orders had barely left any room to move. You flung your hand to the side, grabbing your phone from the table and bringing it up to your face. The "1:02" was clearly visible on your screen and you unlocked the phone, heading to Twitter. Scrolling through your feed, you liked a few tweets from friends before gearing yourself up and moving to the messages. Ever since you'd played with Corpse, Sykkuno and everyone, you'd been getting a lot of messages. Most of them were just the streamers fans, asking you if you know them or telling you to take care of sykkuno. There were a few though that targeted you, telling you that your art sucked, that they didn't know why Corpse could like my art. You'd taken to deleting them before sleeping so that your inbox wouldn't get cluttered and you could still find any serious requests or messages from your followers. Therefore, you didn't really think anything of it when there was another message from someone with a Corpse icon and you clicked on it only to see the message and gasp, immediately sitting up in bed.

Corpse_Husband → Hey, I was wondering if I could work with you on something? I really love your art and was wanting to commission or collaborate for an album cover or some merch designs. Message me on this number cuz I barely see my dms.

Underneath was a number.

"Oh my god," you whispered, unsure as to what to do.

When you had decided to drop out of college, you had expected hard days. You had expected your normal orders and mostly just improving your art and marketing it more. You had expected long days and not much money in the bank account. You certainly had not expected the immense amount of orders you'd gotten. Along with that, the amount of love and support had taken you by surprise and you had spent the last night crying because of how much love you and your art were getting.

You had also not expected such a big opportunity just landing at your feet.

Quickly you clicked on the number, putting it in your contacts with the name Corpse and then writing a quick message.

"Hey I got your twitter dm! I've personally never done art for merch or album covers but I would love the opportunity!"

You bit your lip, confused as to whether that was enough before deciding it was fine and just sent it.

Your heart beat a little faster as you slumped back onto the bed.

~

@junefarie Instagram story:

[ID: A zoomed-in picture of a drawing, the only part that was visible was curly hair. The text read: "Working on something SO COOL"]

~

Your phone was ringing. Stuffing the rest of the pizza in your mouth, you swept your hand over the covers of your bed, trying to find it. With a muttered "aha", you grabbed it and swiped on the call before it ended. Pressing the phone to your ear, you mumbled a "hello", still chewing the pizza bite.

A low rapsy voice came out of the speaker, one that you definitely didn't expect. You choked on the pizza, coughing out pieces onto the bed.  Sure you guys had messaged each other a bit (you kinda had to because of the commission), but you hadn't expected him to call out of nowhere.

"Um I hope this isn't a bad time," he said when you didn't respond for a second. Of course, he didn't exactly know that hearing his voice so close to your ear had you frozen for a second.

"Um no," you replied, coughing slightly to clear your throat. "It's fine! What did you wanna talk about?"

"Oh, um I know you're already working on the commission and its looking great! I can't wait to work with the merch team to create something really cool with it, but um-" he broke off for a second sounding hesitant. "I really wanna get another commission done as well."

"Oh?" you said after a second when he didn't reply. "I'd be happy to do another one for you!"

"Uh yeah, but I'm afraid that I might be a bit late, You see I was wondering if it could be done before Christmas?"

You sucked in a breath as you counted the days in your mind.

"Hmm, it depends on how big it is tbh. There's still 2 weeks to go till Christmas so I could fit it in," you mumbled, biting your lip as you remembered the onslaught of orders you still had to send out.

"Well," he started and you smiled a little as the excitement crept into his voice. "You know that Sykkuno, Rae, Toast and me are called the 4 Amigops right? I kinda wanted a portrait of all 4 of us, in our um among us colors, and I basically wanted to print it out and send to each of them for Christmas."

"Aww, that sounds like such a good idea, I'm sure they'll all love it!" you smiled, thinking about how much Sykkuno would appreciate that.

"Uh thanks," he mumbled, "do you think you can get it done?"

"Sure!" you replied immediately. You did have a lot of orders, yes, but like, you could fit Corpse in. If you pulled a few all-nighters. "I'll send you the sketches soon okay?"

"Oh thank god, thankyu so much for this y/n, I really appreciate it. Youre one of my favourite artists and I'm really happy that I could finally commisison you after so long."

"So long?" you questioned. "Since when have you known about my art?"

There was a moment of silence and then "Um, around the time you still posted your sketches and stuff I guess?"

You furrowed your eyebrows thinking for a second before letting out a gasp.

"Corpse that was 4 years ago!"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, oh my god, I cant believe you've seen those, I was so bad then!"

"No no, they were really good at that time as well! I was so shocked when Sykkuno told us you were his sister because like, I'd been following you for ages and I had absolutely no idea. You guys are like really different."

"Hah yah, Sykkunos so soft, and then there's me. An actual devil."

"Your usernames so different as well! I remember when I first saw a picture of you on your account and I was kind of shocked because based on the name junefarie, I was expecting someone very soft I guess but then you were literally the opposite and wearing actual devil horns."

"Oh god, that was one of the first few photos I posted of myself. that was on Halloween I think,", you took a deep breath still shocked that Corpse had known about you for that long,

"Yeah, I chose junefarie because...”

It was 2 hours later when Corpse said that he should probably be working on his music.

"Oh I'm so sorry," you apologized, "I didn't mean to keep you,"

"Oh no, I um, I liked talking to you."

Your breath caught for a moment and you smiled like a lunatic at your Pokémon covered bedsheets.

"I liked talking to you as well," you whispered out, heart sinking a little as you realized the call would be ending soon.

"Um, do you, maybe want to stay on call? like I'll just be writing and we can just chill?" he asked and you felt like your prayers had been answered.

"yes" you said quickly, not giving him a chance to back out.

He chuckled, and you fell in love a little.

Just a little.

~

You continued like that, calling each other every few days, talking so much and then at times, not talking at all, simply content with each others company.

He had even started facetiming you, the first time with a mask and then the second without it. You hadn't made a big deal about it, but the first time you saw him, you could barely breathe.

There were five days left until Christmas when you got the idea.

You were entirely not subtle about it, because, well to be honest, there wasn't a subtle bone in your body.

"Hey Corpse, do you like surprises?" you had asked, in the middle of colouring Raes hair (her hair was the last thing left before you could finally print the goddamn thing)

"It depends," he had murmured after a second, voice sending shivers down your spine like every time. Now whether that was because of his voice or because of him, you weren't entirely sure.

"on what?" you prodded when he refused to answer.

"On whether its a good one or a bad one" he had huffed out.

You had hummed, waited for a second and then blurted out that next question because you did not have a cent of patience.

"So what are you doing at Christmas?"

"Sleeping, if I can manage it," he replied, his voice taking on a sardonic tone, eyes flicking to you on the screen. The only thing he could see though was the top of your head because you had your iPad on the bed and were laying over it as you drew.

"Not with that attitude you aren't," you replied right back, making a small smile appear across his face.

"Hmmm, okay!" you said when he didn't reply.

He looked back over, eyebrows furrowed and mouth opening as he started to question you.

"Hey did you see the video I sent you?" you quickly asked distracting him from his question.

He would probably guess the surprise but that was okay. You only wanted to make a smile appear on his face. And honestly, for someone with anxiety, a small warning of a surprise was definitely needed.

~

It was Christmas day and you woke Sykkuno up at 6 in the morning with the promise that you'd buy him McDonald's. 30 minutes later, you were both in the car, yelling the lyrics to "All I want for Christmas" at the top of your lungs.

You had told sykkuno of your plan a few days ago and he had smiled at you with that stupid smile, agreeing with a small "alright."

You'd immediately realised that he knew. Even though you pretended otherwise, Sykkuno was the older one and the thing about older siblings was that they always knew.

They always knew.

So there you were, snacks loaded into your car, McDonald's fries practically everywhere, and a cake you had made in the backseat, on your way to Corpses house.

There was a lull in the music, and you were only 30 minutes away from his place, butterflies fluttering in your stomach when Sykkuno asked you a question.

"You like him right?" he murmured, head leaning against the window, eyes closed.

There was a moment of silence as you thought about what to say. Did you like Corpse? Of course, you liked Corpse! He was funny, he was nice, he made you feel like you were the only person that mattered and your heart beat faster than ever whenever he looked at you. Hell, that was through a screen, in real life, it would probably be even worse. So of course you liked him! The question was, did he like you back?

"Yeah," you answered Sykkuno, eyes straight on the road.

A second passed and then he smiled. "Good," he replied. and well. That was that. You sighed.

At least you had your brothers blessing.

~

Pulling into the apartment building, you breathed in, your heart beating a million times a second and the butterflies in your stomach had turned into snakes. Maybe, maybe this wasn't a good idea at all. I mean, you expected Corpse to get the hint but what if he didn't? and what if he didn't want you to come? Maybe you were being too quick. After all, It'd only been a month since you'd met.

These thoughts plagued your mind as you trudged up the stairs, turning to Sykkuno as you reached the door.

"Maybe we shouldn't have come," you whispered to him.

He looked at you, eyebrows high, "We just travelled two hours to get here. There's no way im going back without at least giving him the print."

"What if he doesn't want us to be here?" you hissed.

"Then we'll go away." he stated, "after we give him the print."

"But what if-"

Before you could even finish your sentence, the door opened and you both jumped, turning to face the person standing in the doorway.

You forced yourself to breathe as you finally saw him. It was him. Wearing a black beanie, half his hair spilling out the sides, stubble clear on his chin... it was him. At that moment, there was only one thought in your mind.

You were gonna marry this man.

"You suck at whispering," he said, and you huffed out a laugh, jumping onto him without even responding. You wrapped your arms around him, not letting go until Sykkuno cleared his throat from behind you.

You turned back immediately, grabbing the stuff in Sykkunos hands so he could greet Corpse too. As they awkwardly did their handshake/fistbump thing, you walked over to the couch behind them, putting down the print and the takeaway bags, and putting the cakebox down on the table.

You turned around to see them both standing there staring at you.

"Surprise?" you said when no one else spoke. That broke the ice a little and you grabbed the print from the couch thrusting it at Corpse.

"Open it. Open it. Open it." you mumbled, your heart beating fast as he carefully ripped the paper off. The smile that overtook his face made your heart immediately calm.

"It's beautiful," he whispered, eyes roaming everywhere, trying to take it all in. Clearing his throat, he nodded his head further into the apartment, mumbling that he was going to put it in the room, eyes still on the print as he walked there.

"You smile is gonna blind me," muttered Sykkuno.

"Oh shut up."

~

A few hours later, you stood in the kitchen, putting the leftover cake into Corpses fridge. You had all chilled, eating cake and the takeout that you and sykkuno had bought, laughing every few minutes. It felt like you were all on an adrenaline rush. You had facetimed Rae and Toast, Rae shrieking when she realised where you guys were. Sykkuno had just fallen into a nap, still tired from being wakened up so early, you assumed.

You leaned against the kitchen bench, smiling as Corpse walked in.

"Thankyou." he said as he came to a stop next to you, matching your position.

"For what?" you mused, even though you had a good enough idea.

"For the print. For coming here. For making my Christmas, a much happier affair than it has been my whole life." he stated, chuckling at the last point.

You turned your head sideways, and you didn't know what it was, but something about his face made you spurn into action. You grabbed his collar, pulled him down, and kissed him before he could even say anything. It would be too cliche to say that fireworks erupted. And if you were being honest they didn't. Instead, it felt like everything was finally right. You fit perfectly in his arms as they wrapped themselves around you, and you smiled into the kiss as he lifted you up, making you sit at the counter. You twirled the hair at the nape of his neck with your left hand, taking a deep breath in as you both slowed down and pulled away.

"Well," he whispered, "that was unexpected."

You raised a single eyebrow. Honesty you'd done a lot for this relationship. You just drove for nearly 3 hours! If he wanted it to progress, he was gonna have to say it himself.

"But not unwelcome," he continued when you didn't speak. A moment passed, where you could see that he was psyching himself up to say something. Finally, with a heaving sigh, he whispered  "Darling, would you do me the honour of being called yours?"

You melted right there.

A nod was all he needed before he grabbed your lips with his again, both of you giggling when he accidentally hit the side of your mouth instead of the lips.

The sound of a picture being taken filled the air, making you spring apart and swing your heads over to the doorway, which had sykkuno leaning against it, his phone in his hand.

"Thank god. Rae and Toast bet that you wouldn't confess until after Christmas, so now they both owe me 20 bucks." he said, now fiddling on the phone. "Dont worry Corpse, I'll add a circle over your face or something."

Your mouth dropped open as you stared at your brother.

"You bet on my love life?" you scoffed, still shocked.

At his nod though, you swung off the bench, marching until you were eye to eye to him.

"I want half the winnings."

Rolling his eyes, he turned back to the living room, jumping onto the sofa.

"C'mon, let's watch one more episode before heading back," he said and you jumped in next to him, patting the space next to you as Corpse came in behind you.

You grabbed Sykkunos hand and squeezed it, letting him know that you were grateful that he didn't make it such a big deal. Leaning your head on corpses shoulder, you smiled to yourself.

You'd have to leave in 30 minutes, to drive back to your parents and spend the rest of Christmas with them, leaving Corpse behind. And that made you a bit sad sure, but it couldn't overpower the feeling of pure happiness at being here. At giving him a happier Christmas. You smiled as he pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

Nothing could overpower this feeling of absolute happiness.

fin.

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