#so my challenge is to find someone who will take me as an apprentice

[faithfromanewperspective]

the thing is, when I think about graduating from my degree in 18 months time, I think of the relief of finishing high school that we felt when we realised we’d never have to do some of those subjects again. don’t get me wrong, I love what I’m studying, but the endless pile of tasks and assignments and new information I’m bombarded with and everything being on my computer and in my notebooks and doing nothing with my hands—that I could do without. at work I always struggled with the fact that I don’t have an end date—there was no end of semester when all my assignments were done, it was just another task on top of another task and up to me to manage how I fit them into my schedule and they’d often roll over the summer break too—there was no big celebration when each task was done, and I need to celebrate the satisfaction. I also need to see a time on the horizon when all of the things taking up my mental load are finished, and in an office job, you don’t have that. but with a university degree, you do.

I’ve come to realise that maybe I’m good at thinking and solving problems and shit but when it comes to basic tasks, maybe I just cant do them and maybe that’s okay. sure, there are more medications and I can work through my traumas that distract me all day when I don’t feel the drive of purpose and the promise of relief from at least one of my burdens more than I have—but in the end, it’s going to be years and years of struggling for something I may never be good at and there is no obligation associated with sunk cost. I’ve done all the studying I need to to start up a not for profit and I’ll probably work a few contract gigs in the industries I’m trained in but damn it I need an end date in every job that I work for anyone so I can know I won’t feel like this forever.

this is why any kind of non white collar job is so enthralling to me. anything that’s about helping people and you get to see the reward when it’s done and you have a happy client and money in your pocket that I can see and actually associate with the job that got done. it’s like doing the laundry, in theory at least. I know people are going to judge me. I know my universities are going to be disappointed in me. but I can make my degrees useful in my not for profit and I can also choose a life for myself that’s simpler on my brain—which is always going to be hyperactive and laser driven on altruistic causes to the point of neglecting anything else. and you know what? if I can earn money at all that’s a win. if this is what it takes to design sustainable cities properly—and I can simply reach out to people working in industries I’m training for rather than working for them forever too—while having a perspective that no one else does because who the fuck does a trade after a master’s degree—then maybe I’ve found the gap in the market or whatever you want to call it. if I have to be cold and emotionless in a job, at least I can do something where I’m in contact with the people living in communities and sustain myself off making them feel better. at least I won’t have to rein in my active hands as well as my sidetracked mind. at least maybe I can see new places every day. maybe there’s a life for me where it’s better than the suffering of the manic grind I’ve put myself through for almost two decades.

[mylevisdontfitanymore]

A mix of the posts I see about Sebastian bulking for The Apprentice and Chris being in NYC for filming The Materialists have me thinking up my first-ever evanstan nonsense 🥺

I know they're both in long-term relationships now. Chris just got married, I knowwww, but let me wallow in this like a pig in the mud 😭🤣

I'm just saying that it would be awfully convenient for Chris to stay with Sebastian in his New York City apartment while he films... Plus, I would like to think that they already have a relationship going here. It's pre-established. Another thing I see about Sebastian on Tumblr is his submissive tendencies. There are so many signs and they make me all melt. So, they're together for the few months it takes to film The Materialists while Seb is prepping for his own film and they have their low-key dom Chris and sub Seb dynamic going.

Evanstan belly kink weirdness below! Warnings for slight weight-related insecurities (that are quickly smoothed over by Chris), kink discovery, sub!Sebastian/dom!Chris, weight gain, stuffing, etc.

One afternoon on a weekend when neither of them is required to be anywhere, they're just having a slow afternoon in as Seb confesses to Chris, finally, that doing this sugar-heavy diet - shotgunning cokes and snacking seemingly constantly on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches - is kind of awful. He knows he shouldn't pout or complain because he's doing it to himself. He decided to take this film; he's the one who suggested that he physically go for it rather than relying on a fat suit like he did with Lee Bodecker; further, he shouldn't complain because it should be nicer and easier than his usual pre-filming routine. Like, he complains so much about his crazy diets and workout regime for every other role he takes (having defined abs is a job in of itself, after all). So, really, it should be nice to relax and stop restricting so hard. But it isn't.

Seb vents to Chris many more things, too. For example, not only how surprisingly tiring it is, he feels lethargic all the time, but also how much work it is to make room for all this food in his stomach. Even when he was bulking up and waking up in the middle of the night to eat a whole chicken breast, keeping his protein up, he didn't feel like he had to stretch his stomach in the way he has to now. Plus... he's kind of scared, he admits as he fiddles with his shirt, that he won't "bounce back" and if he never looks the way he did before, his career will go south. Hollywood is so vain. Even more frightening is his thoughts that maybe Chris won't like him as much if he can't go back to his old body after this.

Logically, Seb knows most of his thoughts aren't true but he needs someone else to say it back to him to verify those things. He's searching for something, someone in particular, to calm his swirling thoughts.

Chris does more than verify what he needs to hear - that he'll be okay, that it is hard to make such a drastic lifestyle change, that it is challenging to bulk with fat as much as it is to bulk with muscle, he's seen him struggle every day he's been here, and that, of course, his body doesn't matter to him. Seb can look however and Chris is still going to love him. Further, he can look however and he'd still find him sexy as hell. Chris reminds him extensively, until Seb is blushing, how he couldn't keep his hands off of him when he was filming Pam & Tommy and was the tiniest he's ever been, but also how fucking terrible filming Civil War was because all Chris wanted to do was shove Seb into the nearest dressing room and have his way with him rather than reciting lines. Not to mention, of course, every other role with every other body type he's had while they've been together. Chris can't get enough of him, not matter what the shape of his body is. But...

Seeing how pouting Seb is at that moment, Chris wonders out loud if it might help him feel better if this weight gain wasn't just for work. What if it was recreational, too?

Seb doesn't understand at first what Chris means but with more explanation, he does.

Oh.

What Chris means is that what if rather than just having to put on weight for work... what if they played a game like they do in the bedroom where Chris makes the orders up and Seb follows them until he's shivering with the feeling of being obedient and good. Not having any control, ceding it all to his boyfriend, and being praised for his subservience just the way he craves in exchange. In the bedroom, being taken care of how he needs to be, held by the back of the neck, stern, with a voice in his ear, firm and inarguable. Shit, Seb always leaves his body when Chris gets like that with him.

If Seb wants to play, Chris could order him to eat and eat until his stomach aches like he already has been doing. But it will be different because it will be because Chris told him to. And it'll be different, hotter, because if he does what Chris says, Chris can soothe his upset tummy however he sees fit. A reward for following orders. Chris can rub his belly for being a good boy and doing what he told him to. Devouring everything he told him to eat. Chris can kiss the apex of his rounded, stuffed belly and trail hotter, sloppier kisses down until he's hidden behind the taut hill of his stomach, sucking his dick until Seb busts down his throat. Chris can fuck Seb on all fours to let him feel what he did for him, how good he is, his belly hanging and jiggling underneath him without an ounce of shame because he did it for his boyfriend - feeling extra stuffed than he already does when he's fucked by Chris' thick cock.

Not to mention how, if that was the case with Seb eating for him and not some production, when Seb looks in the mirror, rather than being reminded of work and how exhausting it is, he'll be reminded of Chris. He will see his reflection widened, softened, and changed with evidence of what a good boy he is. His boyfriend's marks visible on his body in a way that they usually can't risk - no hickeys or bite marks anywhere that paparazzi can catch. Not even any mark as innocent as holding hands! Further, unlike a hickey, a bite mark, a collar... that weight can't be faded as easy. Chris' mark on him will last.

Chris has always been a little possessive, Seb is familiar with it and often enjoys it seeing as the possessiveness comes out as roughing him up, taking more control, and fucking harder. Ngh. And so, Seb can wrap his brain around why the weight would be sexy to Chris. He can believe him whereas before he was having trouble understanding what about being fat would be sexy to his unbelievably attractive boyfriend. Literally movie-star-hot. Talking like this, he can see it in Chris's eyes - they're locked onto him, the tiniest hint of a smirk on his lips, and one of his eyebrows is raised. His expression turned on and dangerous but with just enough of a question to let Seb know that if he refuses, he won't push or bring it up again and they will go back to normal.

Seb isn't sure if he can go back to normal after those words, though. Jesus.

Evidence of Chris on his body. All over his body. Not something he can take off easily yet something everyone can see. PLUS, God, the thought of Chris rewarding him, giving him treats, to coincide with daily orders? Seb isn't sure he'll survive. He'll be floating through days in a cloud of arousal, he can feel it already, just knowing that he's constantly pleasing his boyfriend, fulfilling his orders.

Possibly it's Seb's background experience of giving up control to Chris and getting his rocks off as a result that's giving this the appeal it has. But maybe... maybe there's something bigger here.

Bigger.

Something bigger like his ass. His ass that's been feeling considerably wider every time Chris can't resist but give him a teasing spank when they pass each other in his tiny apartment or the way he gropes him whenever they fall into bed now, taking handfuls of it. His flesh jiggles now in a way he didn't before and, suddenly, like a switch flipped right here, sitting on the couch with his boyfriend and talking, he's curious about how it would feel for there to be more meat on his bones. More fluff for Chris's big, strong hands to sink into. More to jiggle. He's...

Seb's mouth is dry, feeling like needs a drink. A coke?

He feels abruptly, intensely sexy in his own skin at the same time that he's thinking about getting bigger. Bigger and better to drive Chris insane with, flaunting how he can follow orders eagerly, not just eating as much as he tells him to but relishing in the eating, stuffing himself fast and moaning through bites, begging for belly rubs just to keep him close and have his hands on his body, exploring all the ways he's changing it to satisfy him. Gaining weight faster and faster, all to feel it but especially to hear Chris's praise and moans if he ever gets big enough for Chris to really fuck his pecs when he gets big enough for Chris to fuck his moobs.

Can we just admire how he squirms when he blushes? 🥴

[lettheladylead]

Hi! I was looking through Magica De Spell’s Wikipedia page today and it says that Magica has a sister named the Wicked Witch of the West, who has children named Witch Child and Warlock. I couldn’t find any information of them online so I was wondering if you knew anything about them, if they exist at all.

If they don’t, do you think you could instead do a character post on Magica’s cousin Matilda? Your old family tree posts helped me a lot in understanding Duck lore.

Aw I'm glad those posts help!! I'm still down for making them 'cause it's a lot of fun for me to find old comics and do some research.

So before I talk about Witch Child, I wanna clarify some things that are relevant to the character.

This is another case where Americans can't stop themselves from taking "sister" and "aunt" literally. Aunt can be used to refer to any older woman in someone's life. Sister is frequently used in stories about witches (because a coven is like a sisterhood/sorority, it's a whole thing). Neither imply blood relation! Even "cousin" is often used to refer to friends/neighbors. Different cultures and languages treat words like that very differently than Americans do.

Witch Child, Warlock, & Witch of the West are all from a very specific time period of Brazilian duck comics where Magica and Madam Mim (from The Sword and the Stone) were living together/dating/???? and interacted with other Disney movie characters. In this specific timeline, the ducks live amongst regular humans which is very strange but you just gotta accept it. Magica also lives in Duckburg I think? It seems like she and Scrooge just run into each other randomly so I believe she and Mim have a house in Duckburg for whatever reason

"Witch Child" is not her name and I don't know why she's referred to like that on InDucks/other wikias. Her name in Brazil (where she was created) is Magali, in Italian she's Maghetta/Maghina/Streghella (inconsistent names in translations are very common), and in French she's Seraphine. None of her comics have an official English publication so again idk where "Witch Child" comes from! But I'll probably refer to her as Streghella for the remainder of this post 'cause it's easier that way.

OKAY now for details:

In Streghella's first comic, Magica gets a letter from a friend asking her and Madam Mim to babysit her friend's daughter. Streghella is whiny and rude and a troublemaker. She ruins a magical career opportunity for Magica and it's pretty funny

Then there's a whole bunch of comics where she just appears for no reason, making trouble. She's a surprisingly powerful witch but she just loves to piss everyone off, especially Mim.

Another important note about Streghella - she was only really drawn by two comic artists during the height of her appearances (in the 70s, pretty much). The above drawings were all done by an artist named Jim Fletcher. But she had a lot of appearances drawn by an artist named Glenn Schmitz, who drew her completely differently.

I don't know if I would've realized these were even the same character if it wasn't documented lol but y'know they didn't have the same resources in the 70s that we have now so they did what they could.

Anyway, from what I can tell her personality stayed mostly in tact through most of these comics. Whiny, stuck-up, nosy, but also very funny and magically powerful. She would occasionally interact with Scrooge or HDL but mostly her appearances were in Magica and Mim comics.

Oh there's one comic where she looks like this for some reason?

BUT THEN what's interesting is Streghella making a few appearances years after her comics all came out. First there was one comic in 1995, then twice in 2011 and once more in 2016. There's also apparently a 2020 appearance but I couldn't get my hands on it :(

In her 1995 appearance she looks really cute but her personality is, well. Personality-wise she's completely unrecognizable. Now Magica makes comments about Streghella always trying to be good and getting in trouble for being good all the time.

(Ignore the bad english translation I was just popping pages into google translate lol)

She's still a troublemaker in the sense that she tries to trick Magica and Mim into consuming a potion that will make them good, kind people. But then the comic ends with Magica doing something nice by choice and it's cute but yeah the character is nothing like her original self.

Her first 2011 comic is where she...wants to go to a Jonas Brothers concert and chats with April May & June online to try and make it happen. Something like that. It follows along with "Streghella is too kind and Magica tries to teach her to be evil" from the '95 comic, but for some reason the colorist made Streghella a brunette. Idk! They also forgot her iconic hat!

Next 2011 comic has Huey Dewey and Louie accidentally traveling to a magic academy. It's very Harry Potter-y? I guess? Streghella is friendly and does some magic. You can tell it's her 'cause of the pigtails and bows. But still no hat :(

In her 2016 appearance, she's been reading April May and June's blog and wants to help them with some problem. Magica is like no be mean and Streghella's like no I want to help! You get it.

This comic is pretty fun. Magica turns herself into Grandma Duck and puts a truth potion into some cake Streghella bakes for the Duck Family and gets a bunch of secrets out of them.

There's also a joke at the end where Daisy accidentally reveals Brigitta's age to everyone (we don't get to see it) but according to this comic, Brigitta is much older than she looks lol Not that we didn't already know that.

Anyway so that's all there is to know about Witch Child/Streghella. She's cute!

Warlock time!

Warlock is Streghella's brother. He's only in four comics total and they're mostly very early comics - his real name is just whatever Streghella's name was at the time but with an -o at the end. If she's Maghetta, he's Maghetto. If she's Maghina, he's Maghino. You get it. He'd probably be Streghello if he had a named appearance more recently.

His personality is not very distinct from Streghella's. He's also magical and a troublemaker. In his first comic he arrives in the mail, in a, like...little jail cell? Crate? Idk? And then Magica and Mim eventually box both kids up into the crate and ship them away.

(Yes that's supposed to be him, apparently.)

He appears in the magic school comic as well...

And that's it! There's not really anything else to know about him.

Last but not least...the Witch of the West! Actually, that's a lie. Least. She appears just the one time. And I'm gonna be honest. I don't think she's the biological mother of these bird children.

'Cause yeah she's a human witch. Idk if she's from another Disney property or if she's supposed to be the witch from the Wizard of Oz. Idk man. But Streghella calls her "mama" and she refers to Streghella as her daughter so I'll take those ones literally.

There's nothing much to say about her - she doesn't have a name and all she does is drop her kid off with Magica and then reappear when Mim and Magica threaten to lock Streghella inside a bottle.

NOW if you're wondering...how do these characters connect to the previously known characters that are related to Magica De Spell?

They do not! The fact that Streghella has made a few recent appearances means you can decide how you want her to fit in, but trying to blend these different canons will not be seamless. You just gotta take what you like. Streghella frequently refers to herself as Magica's apprentice so you can always take that route, too.

Aaaaaaaaaand since you asked, I'm happy to talk about Matilda! God there are too many Matildas in duck comics. I have never met a woman named Matilda in my life. It's fine.

Matilda De Spell (not an official name but I call her that anyway) - Magica's teenage cousin! Is she actually, biologically, Magica's cousin? Probably not. But it's fiiiiiiine.

I did actually scanlate all three comics that Matilda appears in, so you can read them if you'd like:

There's not really anything to know about her outside of these comics. She's tomboyish, spunky, fun. Really looks up to Magica. I think their dynamic is fun and I always like to see more teen characters lol I think I've portrayed Matilda as Amelia De Spell's younger sister but that's definitely not canon, just me trying to stick the blondes together.

Anyway sorry this ended up being such a long response. I haven't had the opportunity to research random duck characters in a while. I hope this has the answers you wanted :)

[starss-artss]

Stolen Stars

Song rewrite: This Wish

Heya :D

I finally finished rewriting the song "This Wish".

The instrumental of the song sounds nice, but most of the original lyrics are odd and didn't really make sense? And I didn't really connect with Asha's character.

Anyway, here's some context (all of this is wip and needs to be fleshed out more):

SS!Asha is the apprentice to king Magnifico, and in a way got adopted by him and queen Amaya after her last family member, her grandfather, passed away when she was thirteen. Both her parents passed away in her childhood, first her mother, then her father.

As Asha got older, she became more reserved, quiet, selfless and mature. She mostly kept things to herself and always put everyone else before her.

Over the years she had seen and heard strange things, especially in the castle, that she could never really explain, but they did make her question a few things. However, she didn't want to seem like a weirdo or ungrateful so she just kept quiet. And everyone seemed...happy, so what's the problem? Still, she had this tiny feeling that something wasn't right.

During a wish ceremony on her 17th birthday, the king and queen made her give her wish away. The reasons they gave her was that it was a birthday gift and that they wanted to "try something new".

Sometime after the ceremony, Asha follows a disembodied voice into the castle and finds a part of a secret plan Magnifico and Amaya have. Where she discovers that the wishes were never actually being granted and that they're planning to become all powerful to take over the world.

Everything that had happened to Asha in her childhood and what she had found out about the royals obviously was too much for her. And not just that, the moment she gave her wish away, she felt empty and desperate, and didn't feel like herself.

Her friends wanted to talk with her, to try and find out what's wrong, but a bad argument happened between them and Asha. And it pushed her over the edge. So she runs deep into the forest, believing that she has nothing left now.

Out of desperation, she makes a wish on a star for the first time in years...

-----

I was told my worries would be free

Yet I still feel so heavy-hearted

If I could show them everything I've seen

I'd risk their lives, so is it even right to try it?

But when I speak, they ask me, "What's wrong?"

And I'm done waiting for the dream that's just not coming

I cannot hide this now

For I see all that is wrong

But I lost myself and I am on my own...

So I turn towards the stars above me

And hope I receive some kind of sign

Because I know that there is someone who is listening

Who'd rise up here beside me when it's time

Will you grant this wish?

And give them something more like hope and bliss?

Will you grant this wish?

And give them something more to live than this?

Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah

Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, ah-ah

More than this, oh-ah-ah-ah

We had these sparks inside us all aglow

We could live, we could thrive with the light that makes us whole

But the sparks that were returned were always foul

We will all have a woe, and if not stopped will overflow

If I could shake away all these hesitations

On where to even begin

Maybe I would be able to change

The wave of darkness coming in

And all I'm asking for is a sign, a star who tells me what to do

My heart is breaking, but my head's held high

The only way to make it through...

...So I turn towards the stars above me

And just hope I'll receive some kind of sign

I know there will be challenges that find me

And I faced them on alone all the time

Will you grant this wish?

And give them something more like hope and bliss?

Will you grant this wish?

And give them something more to live than this?

Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah (Is it worth the risk?)

Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, ah-ah (Oh, to grant this wish?)

More than this, oh, ah-ah-ah

Will you grant this wish

And give them something more to live than this...?

((Will you grant this wish...))

((...And give me something more...to live...than this...?))

____

I imagine that this version sounds more sad and gets more and more desperate. And that the song ends on a more quiet note.

(Also, I am not a songwriter. So, I'm sorry if some lines sound off lol)

Thank you for reading :D

[clangenrising]

Hey! I sent an ask a while all the way back in February under anon praising your work, and I had been trying to follow along ever since but kept falling behind so I've just been reading a bunch of your pieces in a row in few-day bursts until I'm caught up to present lol. Anyway just now was the most recent burst I had finished, and I just gotta say. Yeah wow. Capital W Wow and the W stands for Winning. The way you're so committed to portraying real, almost tangible nuance in all your characters. How they all have deep reasons why they act the way they do but they start to be confronted and conflicted about the flaws in their views, the journeys they have to take to either change that or figure out if they even want to.

Namely with Ghost in the recent piece. Ever since I was introduced to him I knew there was more to him than just his blind following of his flawed society, that there has always been room for him to question his actions from the very start of the story and it may have always been there in him as a little inkling of an idea. But Fogpaw's confrontation was the moment that had really solidified it for him, driving it home even further since Smokyrose's death which also had to have taken a toll on his ability to trust his own thoughts (Been a while since I've read those pieces though so memory is fuzzy and I'm guessing there). He's someone who strikes me as someone who's always subconsciously suspected he's flawed, but never let it be an actual consideration until those actions he let himself carry out started having terrible consequences. And now he has to look back and face everything he's ever done, knowing full well he may never be forgiven by anybody he's wronged, but he still has the want to change for himself and I find that so inspiring. Having to face all those mistakes, learning just how much of your life you spent treating people unfairly... being confronted with all of that at once AND trying his best to make up for it all WHILE dealing with a new disability and terrible ear pain... it's no wonder he's deathly tired lol.

But the other character I want to highlight is the one who's been here and significant from the beginning - Scorch! A lot of people have talked a lot about her already but I'm in my own analysis flow state and I wanna ramble about how good of a character she is too. The walls and defenses she had to put up to protect herself, the lies she had to stick to to make other people believe things she didn't just to make sure she wouldn't die in the city... Razor's power over her and how nothing she did could convince him to truly loosen his grip on her during her time in the city, or even after she escaped and found RisingClan... The masks she has to plaster on herself and cycle through, and how the people who know her can just see right through them anyway... She's a person with immense trauma and like a solid two-thirds of her entire personality is a complex trauma response, but it served her well and protected her and so she keeps it up, and she even teaches a little of it and the affected worldview it gave her to her apprentice Fogpaw who is more confused than anything else haha. That's a very interesting dynamic too, someone who is thoroughly convinced every interaction is some kind of transaction where the other person always wants something in particular from you, and the other person who can't even fathom why or how interaction would work like that at all. Fogpaw is her perfect foil, someone who challenges her views and all the walls she's had to keep up more bluntly, and it's a very beneficial mentor-apprentice pairing that pushes them both to be better and that's a very amazing and interesting thing to see. How the student has things to teach their teacher in return.

It's just. The way I can read these character's thoughts and FULLY understand why they think in the ways they do and how those ways of thinking make sense to them... It's like I am quite literally transported into their mind in full and that is NOT an easy thing to do in writing at all. Most of the time you're just kind of a spectator, looking into a character's thoughts just to know why they do certain actions. But to understand the thoughts themselves, to see the full picture and possibly even a bit beyond it, to know the characters inside and out and see their worldviews and be like "Oh yeah, I see exactly how they came to those conclusions!" AND have those views be riddled with flaws in a way that makes everything feel SO realistic and tangible... That's like. Not just anyone can do that. Your hard work in developing these silly complex kitties has paid off in full, Rowan. Be proud of yourself, I simply demand it. lmao

AAA Thank you! this ask makes me so happy, I really appreciate you taking the time to say this all, it means a lot to me. 50 RisingBucks to you haha

[revoleotion]

Now that the 24 hours reading challenge is completed, here's what I read (+ a quick rating now that it's still fresh)

Bruderschaft (Brotherhood) - 7/10

THE GOOD POINTS

Great Star Wars book to establish Anakin's and Obi-Wan's relationship at the start of the clone wars and where it will go

Obi-Wan gets to meet cute one of his many future side bitches (and they are immediately NOT normal about each other)

intriguing enough side characters, very on the nose with the parallels to existing characters but that's not a bad thing here

good world building, points made about sci-fi/fantasy racism and disrespect towards "ugly" alien culture, especially art

MINUS POINTS

just needless Mace Windu slander nobody needed or wanted? He seemingly only existed to show how much poor little meow meow Anakin being bullied by the bad evil jedi master who doesn't want him here

adding to this after some great takes from milena: it's not THAT bad and only ever coming from Anakin's pov (who is irrational) and Palpatine (using it to manipulate Anakin), so it's fine. But. People are already extremely unfair towards Mace and this book doesn't help.

the book couldn't have sucked up any harder to Qui-Gon if it crawled up his ass, slipped back out in the front and offered to do his taxes for him. In my personal opinion problematic (but more so just... wrong?) portrayal of conflicts between him and Obi-Wan, and he's overall just. presented as this perfect, idolized fanon version people want him to be, neglecting anything we see him do in the Episodes (or the very CANON Master & Apprentice novel)

Middlesex - 10/10

Just overall a story I really enjoyed and is beautifully crafted, both the story/pacing, and the flow of the German translation

It will always have a special place in my heart because my dad recommended and then gifted it to me, and while it clearly doesn't describe my exact experience, it is the reason he has a more nuanced and understanding view on intersex and non-binary identity

Maybe I have just read a lot of bad/sanitized fiction lately but what really got me was how believable Cal's pov was. The narration never breaks away from the protagonist's beliefs and doesn't shy away from letting anyone in the novel have problematic world views (some of which they are aware of, some of which they aren't, and some of which they never challenge). Everybody in it is a person. And sometimes people cause harm for other people. Some people shovel their own grave. Some are just killed. It's so well done.

It also included several quotes that had the audacity to come into my house, punch me in the face and steal my lunch money. For example the moment of describing undressing in the bedroom during two very traumatized people's first time as unwrapping the bandages of a wound. Really made me pause for a moment. Fuck.

This is how you lose the time war - 13/10

I wouldn't even know where to start. I don't think I have read a book this good in years. It will haunt me. It made me want to write countless essays about it. It made me want to savor the words one after the other like a meal that's so good you're terrified of finishing it. I predicted the ending a few pages in. It still caught me off-guard. I expected my heart to be broken but it didn't.

A lot of media nowadays just makes you feel like shit. This novel managed to make me cry multiple times and still didn't leave me feeling destroyed. (So that is possible. Not everything needs to be dark and depressing for the sake of being dark and depressing. What a concept.)

A dowry of blood - 10/10

Vampires. Many, many complicated feelings. Sex. Beautiful language. I loved it.

What I really, REALLY want to praise it for is that the character narrating the events wants to find humanity in someone repeatedly choosing cruelty over it, and even when she has to admit that he is dangerous, her (and any other characters') hope in him is never presented as naive or wrong. It's simply presented as a specific single case of a single person choosing cruelty, and we are left to wonder if her realization could've come earlier but never get an answer.

Also just really hit a lot of my tastes from a smut perspective. That's all I'm saying for now.

[eepy-erin]

Why Palpatine is the perfect Villain

HI I AM BACK WITH AN ATROCIOUSLY LONG POST BUT THIS IS AN INFODUMP AND ALSO JUST LIKE- A RAMBLING SO IT'S OK ANWAY

Sheev Palpatine is the best villain in cinematic history. I don’t care whether or not you like Vader, the Joker, or hell someone like Gaston from Beauty and the Beast more, I am standing my ground and proclaiming (in my opinion) that Palpatine, Darth Sideous himself, is the perfect villain and here is why. This post also marks a return for me to Tumblr so hi to all 12 of my followers ily all <3. ANYWAY, time to get into our deep deep analysis of what makes Palpatine so good, and why his execution of the Sith’s grand plan to rule the galaxy is an absolute chef’s kiss in villainy.

SO FOR CONTEXT, at the time of the prequels, the Sith have been destroyed in the eyes of the Jedi for over a millennium. The last of the Jedi-Sith wars culminated in the perceived destruction of the Sith by the Jedi Order and the foundation of the Galactic Republic. However, we all know that Darth Bane was the only sith to have survived this destruction of the Sith Order, and of course brought about the rule of two. The rule of two stated that only two Sith Lords could exist at any given time, the master and their apprentice. This rule of two has allowed the Sith to survive until the time of Episode 1, the Phantom Menace, and allowed each subsequent Sith Lord to grow in power as time went on. So by 32 BBY (the year which Episode 1 takes place), Darth Sidious has become the preeminent Sith Lord after the death of his own master, Darth Plagueis the Wise. Sidious/Palpatine is now working with Maul and Dooku as his puppets and apprentices to put the grand plan to destroy the Jedi order into action, and the Jedi are none the wiser for it.

SO, THE PLAN. The plan that Palpatine has essentially started ten years before the Prequels begin. He and his master, Darth Plagueis have learned to essentially manipulate the force in such a way that one could feasibly create life. Now, is the Anakin Skywalker story kinda like the story of Jesus Christ? In a way yes as they were both conceived by a mysterious cosmic force and are destined for greatness. But that’s neither here nor there I don’t have the spoons or energy to compare Star Wars to the bible right now lol. Anyway, Sidious and Plagueis manipulate the force to essentially create Anakin, which in turn due to Anakin begin conceived from the cosmic force itself, makes Anakin incredibly powerful and force sensitive. This insane level of force sensitivity, greater than even Master Yoda’s, makes Anakin the chosen one in the eyes of the Jedi who eventually find him. I think this is step one in the master plan of Palpatine. He knows that the Jedi will eventually find Anakin and proclaim him to be the Chosen One, which will inevitably lead to Anakin being treated differently by the Jedi Council and such.

Another part of the plan of course consists of the Clone Wars. Basically, Palpatine wants to weaken the Jedi and put them into a position where they essentially become hypocritical of themselves and their teachings. The Jedi code stipulates that the Jedi are supposed to be keepers of the peace, not soldiers. Additionally, prior to the prequels the Jedi had a higher degree of popularity in the Republic. This would mean that for Palpatine, there was a real challenge in the Sith’s goal of defeating the Jedi. Thus, Palpatine’s grand plan would come into shape. To defeat the Jedi, he would need to make them both hypocrites and fairly unpopular in the eyes of the wider galaxy. To do this, Palpatine would play on the fears of the galactic population through his apprentice, Count Dooku. Palpatine would maneuver himself into the position of Chancellor of the Galactic Republic, while Dooku would take his position as leader of separatists who would seek to leave the Republic. Of course, I am talking about the Clone Wars and the way that Palpatine would manufacture a crisis to gain more and more power for himself. In Episode 2, Attack of the Clones, Palpatine would state that he would “not allow this Republic, which has stood for a thousand years, be split in two.” In a cruel twist of fate, he kept this promise. While it would appear on the surface that there were two sides to the Clone Wars, in reality both sides were simply serving as means to an end for Palpatine and his grand plan. I mean really, are there any other villains around who are able to take two sides and play them against each other for their own gain without no one being the wiser?

ike Joker manipulating Harvey Dent in the 2008 film, The Dark Knight, Palpatine is able to manipulate the hero of the story to his own ends, and turn him into his ultimate puppet. I am of course talking about the chosen one himself, Anakin Skywalker. After it is revealed that Anakin is the chosen one and accepted into the Jedi Order, Palpatine moves to turn himself into the only one that Anakin will trust. Because of the fact that Anakin was already nearly ten years old when he was accepted into the Jedi Order, he had already been allowed to form emotional attachments with those he was close to, including Padme and his mother. This would of course come into conflict with the teachings of the Jedi Order, as they forbid emotional attachments. Additionally, Palpatine knew that with the death of Qui-Gon Jinn by the hands of Maul, Anakin would not have the mentor that he would actually need to feel connected to and fully comfortable with the Jedi Order. Palpatine would then move to position himself as the only one that Anakin fully trusts, and would act as the father figure that Anakin actually needed. In this way, Palpatine was able to pray on Anakin’s fears and insecurities created by his relationship to the Jedi Council, and manipulate him into eventually turning on his fellow Jedi. I feel like this is one of the hallmark traits of a villain, turning the motivations of the hero against them for their own gain. Anakin wishes to save the ones closest to him, and the dogma of the Jedi prevents him from feeling like he truly can accomplish that. Thus, Palpatine is able to become the father figure that Anakin needed in order to seduce him to the dark side in a way which the Jedi couldn’t have foreseen.

I think in the end the characteristics that make Palpatine a perfect villain in my eyes are just how unashamedly evil he really is. When he is revealed to be the Sith Lord that orchestrated the Clone Wars and manipulated Anakin during Episode 3, Revenge of the Sith, he clearly revels in his villainy and in the Sith grand plan coming to fruition. The Jedi are destroyed by the newly christened Darth Vader, who is of course our fallen hero Anakin Skywalker, and the clone army that was seemingly created to protect the Republic. I think the irony comes when the galaxy largely accepts the narrative that the Jedi were traitors and deserved their fate. Palpatine made the Jedi the ultimate hypocrites in a way which few villains do. The Jedi became generals and soldiers in a war where, often times during the events of the Clone Wars, the Jedi are shown to be aggressive and attack more often than defend. This transformation of the Jedi Order into something which they were not supposed to be shows just how genius Palpatine really is in my opinion. In the end when the Jedi Temple is burning, Palpatine emerges triumphant at last. When Anakin burns on Mustafar, Palpatine imprisons him for his failure in killing Obi-Wan, and locks him into a metal cage, with a skull where his face used to be. This is such an evil move and Palpatine could not be more pleased with himself in this moment.

Honestly I just really love the character of Palpatine/Darth Sidious so much. He feels as evil as Satan himself, and the fact that his plan is so complex and yet when executed, is carried out almost perfectly, is just so cool to see. Idk I think I’ve rambled on long enough but Sheev, you’re number one to me.

[dreadfutures]

For the director's commentary ask game thing: I'd *love* a director's commentary on your inspiration for/ thoughts on the academic texts in your amazing Dorian & Solas fic "strike a match (whisper my name)." Particularly Memories of Callistus, Magister and Scholar that shows up in chapter 3. Your descriptions of it and the passage you wrote for it were just *so* cool!!

Oh, thank you so much!

FIC: [strike a match (whisper my name)]

Rating: T | Pairing: Dorian & Solas | Multichap: 7/7

Dorian and Solas go back and forth during Inquisition, arguing over whether Corypheus' magic is powered by blood, red lyrium, the Blight itself, or some unholy combination of the two. An academic rivalry that leads to friendship - even in the face of the end of the world.

One thing Dorian expresses canonically in DAI, especially if you take him to the Fade in HLTA, is that he does not find it a beautiful place at all. Despite his disagreements with Vivienne on most things, he does align with her on the idea that everything beautiful in the Fade is a lie, a danger, and that underneath there is something that cannot be trusted and may very well be repulsive. In this fic, Solas offers Dorian a bit of an olive branch between their Blight-vs-Blood-vs-Red Lyrium tete-a-tete, and he lends Dorian a book that he hopes will show Dorian that there is beauty in the Fade, that can be trusted.

This book is a diary of Magister Callistus.

And... Callistus, the book, and the passage Dorian reads is from a Codex: Walking the Fade - Frozen Moments.

Only when I let go of my desires and humbled myself was the Fade opened to me. The spirits came and took it upon themselves to be my guides, my lanterns in the darkness. At their command, the paths grew still, and I could walk them again and again. I was shown vast oceans, containing not water, but memories, drawn from the minds of dreamers. I drifted through frozen moments, like paintings, perfect in each detail. As I explored this impossible realm, the spirits kept darker things at bay. I came to trust them, even love them, and I saw my own love reflected in them.

To know the Fade, one cannot seek to master it. The Fade is the master, the teacher. We are merely apprentices.

—Writings of Magister Callistus of Taraevyn, known to some as "Callistus the Fade-Touched"

I've been really touched that more than one person has so enjoyed the book exchange Solas and Dorian engage in! But this one isn't mine.

I go lore-hunting quite often and stumble across these codices, and then I dream up ways to include them in fics. Most often, these are notes and letters to discover, if I am trying to include them specifically, OR, they point me in directions of ideas and concepts that are known and discussed IN UNIVERSE between characters, and thus give me an idea of what people generally might know and talk about.

In this fic specifically, I knew I wanted Solas and Dorian to engage in a book exchange. Now, there aren't a lot of texts on the subject they're actually debating (blood magic, blight magic, and red lyrium). However, they are both surprisingly stuffy academics...each with a softer side that challenges and entertains the status quo. That's why Dorian was such a prodigy, a thaumaturge, becoming an Enchanter so young. He's a researcher, entertaining whimsical ideas others might write off. Solas, as both a Dreamer and an ancient elf who literally created the Veil, has a breadth of knowledge and experience beyond most - and because he values intellectual discovery, dangles that knowledge like a lure, hoping that someone else will appreciate the shiny things he has gathered.

And I needed them to be friends, after establishing them as barely tenuous, and quite contentious, allies.

So I thought: what's an event that might trigger Dorian to express an opinion that Solas can challenge? and how can Solas challenge it as an academic, rather than relying on the ol' "i dreamed about it" deal? How about a book! I listened to a bunch of Dorian's dialogue, latched on to this idea of a) Tevinter Magisters *know* about Dreamers, and have records of them! b) How do they truly view the Fade, and Demons? What do their *academics* think, versus Dorian's somewhat traumatized post-HLTA reaction? c) Are there any codices or books that relate to Dreamers, their experiences in the Fade, and beautiful experiences?

And with just a little bit of googling and wiki-walking, I found Callistus.

Now the other "text" in the fic is an unnamed tome written in both Elven and Tevene:

Dorian knows what the book is the moment he sees that the pages are mirrored — on the left hand side there is the unfamiliar and thought to be lost elven script, and on the right there is ancient Tevene.

And the pages are soaked in blood.

It is an ancient academic text, written by two collaborators studying the newly erected Veil! He has no idea where it has been hiding his whole life — or for the past several centuries — but it is the find of a lifetime, to be sure.

I knew pretty early on (because my brain is hung up on my own AUs) that this would take place in Ixchel's young!lifetime. Solas does not want to win. Solas sees modern people as people. He knows what will happen to them if he wins. And he is desperate for someone to stop him. Young!Ixchel gave up. But Dorian? Dorian, presented with a clue? Would he ever give up the search? No!

So I thought about what kind of thing might be the key to unraveling this mystery of the nature of magic and its subtypes, and the nature of time. They are all connected in DA, that's pretty clear to me. The question of how and why and when it all became that way is another mystery.

And I like to think about the peoples of Thedas as...people. Ancient elves survived the Fall of Arlathan/the Creation of the Veil. They interacted with the nascent Tevinter Imperium, exchanging ideas, religions, practices, beliefs, and skills. Surely--surely!--there were people studying the Veil, which had not been there before. What if they worked together?

People are people!

And how useful would it be, to have information from someone who knew what it was like before the Veil, and who could analyze and describe this new phenomenon in detail, and perform tests and such with lifetimes of experience and wisdom guiding them? Surely that would save Dorian a lot of time. And that would certainly be something that Solas could get his hands on, I'm sure.

This was roughly the same time as the DA Comic, The Missing, was coming out, which seems to be a game of cat-and-mouse and leaving clues behind between Solas and Varric, so it really felt in-character for Solas to leave this book where Dorian could find it.

I initially envisioned the fic to have Solas in the audience at one of Dorian's lectures, ask an impertinent question, and argue with Dorian briefly before Dorian realizes--this is Solas! but Solas would get away before Dorian could end his seminar and give chase. That didn't happen (boy, I did not want to write that seminar and question session!!! LOL just #thesis hell getting too real), so instead I implied that Solas was in the audience, had listened to Dorian's theories, and knew exactly what to give Dorian to push him to the next realization, and left it in Dorian's house.

Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble about how I find obscure codices lol. DA has so many! of them!

[shynmighty]

🖊️🖊️ for Taijax and Vhespasian?

This makes me so happy, I do love an excuse to ramble!

Here we go with Taijax!

First of all, I'm so glad you asked about him because I feel like he falls by the wayside a lot (which is totally my fault), so I've been trying to show him more love! Thank you!!

I've mentioned this in some of the descriptions I've done for him, but he's my little mystic woo woo. He is perhaps overenthusiastic about sharing his knowledge of Jedi proverbs and mystic lore. Whatever crazy adventure he finds himself roped into, you can bet he 100% would rather be lost in some ancient library. He's a nerd, but he embraces that about himself.

His heritage and culture are also a point of fascination for him, but more in an academic sense. He's interested in the Chiss because it helps him better understand himself as a Jedi.

His full name is Srost'aija'xani. That was all the information that was given to the Jedi when he was given to the order. The pair of Chiss who handed him over as an infant were never seen or heard from again.

As part of the Silverblade legacy, he is not the Barsen'thor but does become a reputable Jedi master, and obtains a seat on the council for a time. When he is not seeking out lost knowledge or exploring ancient ruins, he accompanies Aeseca and her crew, which is how he eventually meets and falls in love with Nadia Grell.

He and Aeseca are old friends, and they grew up together in the Jedi Enclave overseen by Aeseca's mother. When the enclave was destroyed by the Sith, he and Aeseca remained good friends, to the point where they were separated for an alleged romance. This never took place, but it would be years before they saw one another again, this time as adults. As Yuon Par's apprentice prior to taking on Aeseca, Taijax had a vested interest in curing his old master from the plague inflicted on her by Lord Vivicar. He traveled with Aeseca during this time, and assisted her in ending the threat.

This got pretty long-winded... let's move on to Vhespasian!

This guy! I created him totally by accident and he's become one of my favorite OCs. Galactic Seasons told me to complete a few missions as an Imperial Agent and I made him to delete later... except he was really freakin' cute and I couldn't bring myself to get rid of him. So with him began the Imperial side of the Silverblade family.

Vhespasian is the youngest in his family, and great things were expected of him, even when he proved to not be Force sensitive. He took this to heart, throwing himself into every challenge he faced with all the passion and gusto a good Imperial baby should display. Unfortunately for him, his efforts went mostly overlooked by his Sith grandfather, the Silverblade patriarch, Darth Aemnos.

Perhaps predictably, all this negative reinforcement had an adverse effect on Vhespasian psychologically. Although he excelled academically and rose meteorically to the rank of Cipher Nine within Imperial Intelligence, his accomplishments never delivered what he thought he truly wanted: his grandfather's love and acceptance.

Needless to say, his class story went and messed him up. He came out of it, however, more devoted to the Empire and helping it become the best version of itself. He realizes there's a lot that needs to change... but he also knows that as a phantom agent with the galaxy's secrets at his fingertips, he's in a fantastic position to help that along.

It should also come as no surprise that Vhespasian has some difficulty forming lasting connections with other people. Especially romantically. His love life is a disaster. While quite adept at the art of seduction, the thought of commitment still makes him uneasy. Hopefully, someone someday will come along and sweep him off his feet. Raina Temple came very close, but Vhespasian backed out of the relationship when she asked where it was going.

I'm still back and forth-ing over who he should romance, if anyone. Major Anri is my top contender at the moment, but I can also picture him with someone like Empress Acina (I'd just headcanon it, I know she can't be fully romanced) and of course I could always just make a new OC and pair them up... It's a conundrum. I'm open to suggestions!

I should probably wrap this up, but I'm always happy to answer questions if I raised any! Thank you so much for the ask!!! 😁

[cookiesandbiscuits]

Cookie's Writing Challenge Day Three: Rest

Prompt of the day: Rest

Pairing (Platonic): Solomon x Margarette Camellia Sanchez (OC)

Genre: Comfort/Fluff + Crack

Summary: Solomon tries to convince his apprentice to take a break from her attendant duties for a day.

Cookie's 18th Birthday Bash Countdown Event

Cookie's Writing Challenge Prompts

< Day Two: Sunflowers

"Camellia, you have to listen to me. You should take a day off tomorrow."

Solomon says with his arms crossed as he stands by Camellia's bedroom doorway, watching his exhausted apprentice flop down forward on her bed.

She's been coming home always looking worn out for the past few days and it's worrying him.

"And I told you, you don't have to worry about me. I'm doing fine. Just a little tired."

He sighed. Camellia's stubbornness was one of the things he loved about her. But it can also be troublesome at times, like this moment.

He walked towards her and sat on the edge of the bed. She was still lying on her stomach.

"Would someone who's doing fine complain about her aching shoulders and back almost every day?" He quipped while gently massaging her shoulders.

"Oh, come on. You know that I already had issues with my shoulders and back even before I came here– oof! You hit a spot!"

Solomon took his hands off her shoulders when she groaned. "Does it hurt?"

Camellia shook her head. He sighed again.

"I just don't want you to overwork yourself. I know it's your way of coping with your situation, but it wouldn't hurt to give some time to yourself to unwind. And you know I'm always here to lend an ear to you, right?"

"......"

After a moment of silence, Camellia rose from her position. Solomon moved a little to give her space.

"It's just... I can't help but sometimes think that I might not be able to find a way to go back to our time. That I might not be able to see my family and friends again. It's... it's a scary thought. I know you're also trying to find a way for me to get back. I just don't want to add more worries for you to think about."

Solomon's heart clenched at her quiet words.

"Nonsense. You will never be a burden to me, Camellia, so you don't need to worry about that. You can share your thoughts with me as much as you like. And we'll find a way to get you back, I promise," he assured her as he pulled her in for a hug.

"...Alright, I'll take the day off tomorrow. I'll call Lucifer later to tell him."

"Good."

They stayed in that position for a while. The silence between them was comforting.

"...Hey, Solomon?"

"Yes?"

"Did you, perhaps, cook something again?"

"...No."

Camellia pushed the white-haired sorcerer at arm's length.

"Lies. I can smell burnt food from your clothes."

"W-well... you were tired, so I can't let you use up your remaining energy to cook for us both! Please, Camellia...!"

She sighed as she watched her teacher fumble with his words trying to find excuses. Looks like her day isn't quite over yet.

Tag list: @azulashengrottospiano @amberheavendremurr @yourlocalgrass @aqua-beam @identity-theft-101 @officialdaydreamer00

[litcityblues]

"The Borders of Infinity" --A Review

You know, I didn't set out to become a Vorkosigan Saga Tumblr account, but I guess that's what I've become, considering how fast I'm running through the Vorkosigan Saga. I had been meaning to double back and catch up on the Novellas and garnered a few opinions from the interwebs about the best reading order for the Saga and decided to skip Ethan of Athos (for now- I'll get to it eventually.)

I had to take a quick trip up to the Mayo Clinic with Medium Spawn and since he had a tablet to entertain him, I snagged this from Audible and let the comforting tones of Grover Gardner's excellent narration accompany me on the drive up.

This volume is actually a collection of three novellas, "The Mountains of Mourning", "Labyrinth" and "The Borders of Infinity"-- smashed together in one volume, they're tied together with a loose framing device- namely Miles being debriefed by his boss, the head of Imperial Security Simon Illiyan who wants to get to the bottom of what Miles has been up to, as he's run up quite a tab and his expenses are becoming a political football that his boss, his father and the Emperor don't need- someone wants to audit his activities and Illiyan wants a full accounting.

So, Miles flashes back to the first novella, "The Mountains of Mourning."

According to Wikipedia, this chronologically falls between The Warrior's Apprentice and The Vor Game and finds Miles newly graduated from the Imperial Academy and is taking leave at Vorkosigan Surleau with his parents. A woman from an isolated rural village in their district shows up, appealing to Count Vorkosigan for justice for the murder of her baby, who was born with a cleft lip and palate but otherwise healthy.

Miles' father, Aral Vorkosigan sends him to investigate as his Voice (representative with full powers) to get to the bottom of the mystery. Miles does so- but not before he's forced to confront the deep-seated prejudices that parts of Barrayar have against 'mutation' and ponder how to provide justice and mercy to parts of Barrayar that are the slowest and most resistant to change.

Full credit to Bujold with this one: the ending was unexpected and got the old 'allergies' flaring up. (The end of 'The Warrior's Apprentice' got me as well.)

The next novella is "Labyrinth" which gets a little weird and got me to raise an eyebrow or two now and again. This adventure introduces the reader to the planet of Jackson's Whole, where Miles and company are supposed to be buying weapons, but in reality are trying to get geneticist Dr. Hugh Canaba to leave his current employer to go work for Barrayar. Canaba won't leave unless he gets experimental samples that he injected into the thigh of a prototype super soldier he developed and sold to Baron Ryoval, who Miles managed to offend.

This leads to the inevitable break in, where Miles to discovers the Super Soldier is female, and despite a fearsome appearance, intelligent and emotionally vulnerable and she challenges Miles to make love to her to prove that he believes that she's human and Miles, having a weakness for tall strong women does so and offers her a name (Taura) and a job with the Dendarii and the escape.

What raised my eyebrow? Well, Taura the super soldier may age super fast, but her given age in the book is sixteen which seems... a little sketch. But other than that, this is Bujold getting weird with genetics and cloning and stuff in a much more compelling way than we saw in 'Cetaganda' (which was interesting, but in a more ethereal way.)

Finally, we get 'The Borders of Infinity' which I loved, because it grabs you and dumps you right into the thick of things. Miles has allowed himself to be captured by the Cetagandans and thrown into a maximum security prison camp on Dagoola IV. The Cetagandans have invaded and occupied the planet Marillac and Miles is looking to get one of their captured commanders out to form the nucleus of resistance to hopefully liberate the planet from Cetagandan control.

When he arrives, he's promptly beaten up and his clothes are taken, so naked, he has to make a friend- in this case, Suegar an apparent religious fanatic who quotes his 'scripture' (taken from The Pilgrim's Progress according to Wikipedia, though I don't think that's made clear in the text itself) and thanks to making friends with some key players- including Tris, the leader of the female prisoner he eventually wins them over and gets them to start rehearsing for quick embarkation (disguised as a food distribution procedure.) Miles gets a signal through to his fleet and eventually, the Dendarii Fleet arrives and stages the largest mass breakout in history-- as a result, the Cetagandans (obviously angered by this) place a price on Naismith's head.

Overall: I really love the framing device for this collection and I love the novellas themselves. I think I'd put 'The Mountains of Mourning' first, followed by 'The Borders of Infinity' and then 'Labyrinth' but they're all good and I'll ask again: how the hell has no one adapted this for the screen yet? This is like begging for a streaming service to adapt.

Also, you'll never believe this, but I'm already digging into Brothers in Arms. (Surprising, huh?)

My Grade: **** out of ****

[stars-n-moons]

Tarot Cards

Sunday 3rd December 2023

Question:

Will positivity lead me to a better mental state?

Answer:

Two of swords

Five of wands in reverse

Clearing

108

X

Two of swords: You are facing difficult decisions, weighing up options, an impasse, avoidance, she cannot see the entirety of her circumstance. You may be missing something, such as the threats or potential risks, alternative solutions or critical pieces of information that would help guide you in a particular direction. Are you trying to hide from a challenging situation or impending decision, hoping that if you ignore it long enough, you won’t need to worry about it? The issue is unlikely to resolve itself, and the longer you delay, the longer you will prolong this present situation. You can only put it off so long. Make your choices with your best intentions, fully aware of the possible consequences. Avoidance will lead to greater conflict and stagnation.

Five of wands in reverse: You are facing an internal conflict, conflict avoidance, tension release. You may try to work through your point of view on contentious topics. Or you may navigate personal issues. Other around you have strong views and this is causing disagreement. Just when you think you have a clear perspective, someone challenges you on it, or you discover new information, and you change your standpoint again. This process is beneficial and will help you come to a well-researched and well-thought-out viewpoint. Find the option that sits best with you. Align your head and your heart to discover a sense of peace within yourself. You have the tendency to avoid conflict. You may find that any tension makes you feel uneasy, and you wish it would just go away. You may just be pushing some of your concerns to the side without dealing with them or asserting your point of view

Clearing: Make room for growth

108: He bars doors and windows to stop the messenger from entering. To his wife who begs him to calm down he says: “My son is still alive. If the news about his death doesn’t enter the house, my son is still alive!” Don’t be obsessed. Try something new.

X: He reaches land on a small boat, dressed with a worn tunic. He tells that he has been a merchant, though now he is an apprentice carpenter. In the same space of a year he becomes the greatest joiner in the village, rush and respected by everyone. Then he takes off his expensive clothes, he wears the old tunic that he has kept, and he puts out to sea on a small boat. When he reaches land, he tells that he has been a carpenter, though now he is only an apprentice painter. Spin the wheel.

All together meaning:

Take the blindfold off, I can’t see all of what’s doing on or what the alternative solutions are. There are threats and risks.

[wreckclan]

Moon 2 - Willowchest and Rimepaw

Rimepaw has been apprenticed to Willowchest.

Willowchest knows that Stormstar and Puddledawn had wanted to mentor Rimepaw at first, and Stormstar was especially insistent that he get his first apprentice (yet another reason why Stormstar’s leadership is so unusual). And to prevent any further argument between her leader and deputy, Willowchest had swooped in at the last second and, being the big hero she is, dramatically declared that she will be Rimepaw’s mentor!

And then left without giving either of them the chance to argue.

Well, it’s nice to know that at least someone can appreciate her theatrics.

Now Willowchest is asking herself what she was thinking as she takes Rimepaw out to gather moss, and the younger molly’s paws are stamping against the ground as she reluctantly follows her. “But can’t we do something more…I don’t know, exciting?” Rimepaw asks, her tail drooping low. “Like practicing hunting and seeing who can catch the most amount of prey before the sun sets! Or beating each other up–without claws, of course. Or putting a thorn in Baysplash’s nest. Or collecting bugs! Why gathering moss?”

“First of all, I already thorned Baysplash’s nest a few days ago,” Willowchest says. “Second of all, I think you’ve already got enough dead bugs in your nest. Third of all, this will really help if you do it consistently. I mean, I get it, I get it, gathering moss isn’t the most exhilarating thing to do in the world but does everything have to be? This is only moss-tly harmless, after all.”

Rimepaw flicks some dirt onto Willowchest’s snout.

“Okay,” Willowchest coughs. “Not my best, I’ll admit. But I promise that gathering moss is going to help build up some strong muscles and make you the best warrior that you can–hey, where’re you going? You know, if you fail to gather all the moss all of it is just going to clump together and create the Mossster! You don’t want any Mosssters lurking around in our beaches, do you?”

Huh. Did the Mossster only ever work on me?

No matter what Willowchest does, however, she can’t quite get Rimepaw to take it seriously. And by the next morning after Rimepaw’s received a thorough scolding from Puddledawn, Willowchest finds her waiting by the fresh-kill pile. Willowchest approaches Rimepaw again, raising her chin slightly. “Alright, well, I hope that you’re ready to learn again today, otherwise Stormstar might just put both of us on moss duty for the next moon. And trust me, you don’t want to hear what either Puddledawn or Baysplash would have to say about that–stuff of nightmares, you hear me?”

“It’s not that bad, is it?” Rimepaw asks, tilting her head.

“That depends, do you consider smug looks and condescending mews ‘that bad?’” Willowchest retorts, lashing her tail. “Nobody likes a stuffynose, alright? They fill your ears with dust and make you sneeze on it.”

“What?”

“Now come on,” Willowchest says. She sighs, and lowers her voice this time. “Look, we can do something more exciting this time, okay? I’ll even let you catch the biggest, fattest fish in the ocean…so long as you don’t challenge me. Then I’d catch something even bigger, but when has a little competition ever hurt anyone? But–no, I should focus on teaching you. So…can we at least try to work together today? So we can both learn things from each other.”

Plus, she’d look ridiculous if that whole dramatic mini speech she made to Stormstar about being ‘the best possible mentor for Rimepaw’ would go to waste.

Still, what she said is enough to make Rimepaw nod her head tentatively, her blue eyes deepening with contemplation. “Alright,” Rimepaw finally says. “I’ll try harder this time. Sorry, about, uh…yesterday. I just thought I’d do something more–”

“–Dramatic?” Willowchest purrs. “Totally representative of all your future potential at once? Yeah, I get it. But let’s just start with small bites at that fish for now, okay? I’ll teach you how to hunt and use your claws and teeth for things other than nagging at other cats–which is also a very useful skill!–and then we can hold all the hunting competitions we want. I can’t promise that you’ll win many of them, though.”

“Okay, I get it,” Rimepaw says, her voice hardening–not out of hostility, but out of eagerness. “Fine! Show me how to fish then and I’ll catch anything better than you can!”

Well, that’s done it.

As Willowchest and Rimepaw playfully bicker with each other on their way out of camp, Willowchest starts feeling a little better about her impulsive decision to mentor Rimepaw. She can see all the potential in her now.

[artistic-m3nace]

"Who Do You Think...?," Nov. 2021

Now that "The Fall" (the painting series I've been sharing over the past couple days) is over, allowed me to formally introduce Nathan Shasear, the background/overarching antagonist of "Broken Dimensions!"

( this got long so click to read under the cut)

Nathan has got to be one of my favorite characters that I've written. He started out as a weird little side character in the original take of Prophecy Lost (think The Ambiguous Mentor Figure That Dies archetype in consideration of "the hero's journey" story arc trope), and now he's this!! All fucked up with religious trauma just like me /j

No but really, Nathan's story starts and ends with Hekata, the god of Magic. He starts out as a lowly half-Svarenic apprentice practicing magic in secret in pre-Revival Era 3, is groomed into becoming the new High Mage (essentially Hekata's right hand man, yes there were some one-sided romantic complications on Nathan's side and it was held over his head by Hekata, who is a dick), and then just... stays the High Mage of Hekata. Otensibly forever, but in reality he keeps the title right up until the gods disown him after he causes Crisis 8, the time anomaly in "Ultimatum." He's always striving to be what Hekata wanted him to be, trying to follow all the rules, do everything right, atone for every misdeed. It breeds resentment, living like that. Loathing (or yourself and of others).

The funny thing about Nathan, though, is that he's right. The gods leave in Era 5 for one of two reasons, varying depending on the individual:

they're Fading (dying) because they've lost faith in themselves and their ability to do good in the world, and want to either die in peace or go find themselves again. Morsanna leaves for a little while in Era 4 after her Death Mage Order falls to ruin, but she comes back. When the gods who leave like this in Era 5 go, most of them don't.

OR they're done being in charge. They don't care anymore, the mortals are too challenging/complex/entropic or they think the mortals are doing just fine on their own and genuinely believe the Pantheon only served as training wheels, so to speak.

Most of them left because of the latter, and most of them chose to keep believing it right up until Crisis 8. They ignored mortality, deserted even their own followers - who were actively crying for their help! - and ignored Nathan when he tried to tell them something was really wrong (which they asked him to do).

In Broken Dimensions, the gods fail. And they do so deliberately.

The consequences aren't that mortality (humans, the Shades, the Tartaruns, everyone else) goes off the rails with no supervision and everyone is bad and evil and it's all Mad Max: Fury Road meets The Last of Us out there. That's not the moral here. The consequences were that there was no one to stop the bad guys from taking control. People like Phantasma, singular individuals who form Creeds or Orders or Guilds of other people who loathe their fellow sentient beings and think their way of existing is the only right way to exist. The gods weren't a moral buffer against people "giving into the darkside," they were the last defense between the people who chose to be terrible and those who didn't.

( Someone I follow somewhere or another once said that if you need religion to stay moral (i.e. "I don't understand how atheists can resist raping people! They don't believe in god, so they don't have morals!" which implies that the only thing keeping you from being a terrible person is your belief in gods/a God, not a fundamental belief that BEING BAD SUCKS AND HURTS OTHER PEOPLE )

Nathan hates that the gods didn't step in to help when things got out of hand an expected him, one singular, non-deity, to intervene instead. He can't be everywhere at once! Most of the gods can be at least in like, two places at once!! And it was their job to keep bad people from doing bad things, not his!!

(NOTE though: the BrDim gods are not (in most cases) omniscient, or all-knowing. The came be multi-present and omnipotent in their attributed field, but not omniscient. Nathan's REAL job was to be one of their eyes and ears out in the multiverse, reporting danger when and where he could, and intervening when he could).

But yeah after all that, it is fairly understandable that he'd want the gods dead like Serra.

Now, what Nathan gets up to after deciding he wants the gods dead is another story. One that involves the New Aetheria Empire, checking out what Phantasma was onto with control magic, and agonizing moral decay - not because his "religion" was the only thing holding him back, but rather because he'd do anything (including kill some mortals he doesn't even know, or control them, or worse) to put an end to the gods' unjust tyranny.

( And (maybe, like this totally isn't his plan here) install someone better. Revert things a little. Bring back balance. Maikoa tried it once, maybe they'd do it again. Maybe, if the multiverse wants to be dark, they'll like The Dark. )

[fangirlsovertoomanythings]

Bluestar

Alrighty!

Favorite thing about them: She's a fairly well-written character, despite the inconsistencies in personality she has, especially after she died and became a StarClan cat. She enjoys being a good mentor, tries to be a good leader, but at the end of the day she thinks too highly of herself to realize when she's wrong or has gone astray. I also find her religious crisis a bit too relatable, but I won't get into it haha

Least favorite thing about them: Other than the personality inconsistencies after she died, there is also the fact that, when she was alive, the writers never knew what they wanted her to be. A good, selfless leader? A harsh, egocentrical leader? A caring mother, or a hardened warrior who has lost too much? It got so bad that I don't know anymore what exactly I remember her as. The woman ignored Fireheart's warnings, then instead of resigning when she felt she could no longer lead, she was irresponsible and kept her position, worsened Brightpaw's PTSD, left Fireheart practically alone, and almost went to war with WindClan for no damn reason? What the fuck Richard

Favorite line: I don't remember the exact quote, but the moment where she regains a bit of her awareness a little before she dies and screams at the dogs before attacking them and falling to the river. Not really a line, but this moment was an entire vibe

brOTP: I don't think she had anyone as close as a sibling other than actual siblings, so no

OTP: As much as Oakheart and Bluestar is canon, I prefer Bluestar and Yellowfang. They are two mothers who had given up on motherhood and watched their children grow up away from them, not to mention the fact that they are two very motherly figures to Fireheart throughout his journey. When Yellowfang shows up at the camp, if I remember correctly Bluestar starts treating her less like a prisioner and more like a guest once she discovers her identity as ShadowClan's doctor (of course, that includes political reasons aswell, but she respects her). They are also seen a lot around each other after their deaths, and their spirits often banter about prophecies and all of that. They're a couple to me, man

nOTP: I don't have any, unless someone ships her with Fireheart, in which case: NO. NO. NOOOOO

Random headcanon: I'm not sure if it's canon or not, but she's the sort of mentor that doesn't take it easy even if it'd boost your self-esteem. Even in your first fighting challenge, she's already giving her all even if you barely know any fight moves. She thinks it's fairer this way, because her apprentices will face far more experienced warriors in battle; and when her apprentices are able to immobilize her or even accidentaly hurt her during training, her praise is earned and the apprentice feels that because the woman was NOT faking her loss.

Unpopular opinion: I don't know if she deserved to go to StarClan all that much, honestly. Though I understand her reasons, her later years as leader were awful to the point where her irresponsibility forced Fireheart to break the Warrior Code to protect the clan at least on one occasion. Her irresponsibility also indirectly caused the death of Swiftpaw and the permanent injury of Brightpaw, and nothing is going to erase that fact. As much of an asshole that is Thistleclaw, he wasn't a bad mate to Snowfur and as far as Bluestar's Prophecy lore went his biggest crime was being unecessaringly violent, and that was the only POV we had until Spottedleaf's Heart came out. I don't know, man, I just don't think this woman deserved StarClan at all. If Frecklewish can go to the Dark Forest for "not grieving the right way", how the hell is this cat in Kitty Paradise?

Song I associate with them: Stand in the Rain - Superchick. The first animation/edit I saw of hers had this song, and now it's permanentely printed in my brain.

Favorite picture of them: I can't SAVE IT, but it's one in the older artstyle where she's in attack position in the middle of a bush, her big ol' eyes looking at the audience. Creechur

[nejibaby]

Small Details

Pairings: Neji x Y/N

Summary: Neji was a man of few words, even more so with you, and when he sees you with Naruto in a compromising position, he has troubles expressing himself.

Word Count: 3.2k

A/N: And I finally managed to finish this! It took me so long! Today, I offer you a flustered Neji... 👀 I hope y’all enjoy it because I may or may not have melted after writing this 😚

✨Photo taken from this post by @yul-is-sparkling ✨

Naruto was finally back after two years of training with Jiraiya. Being one of his closest friends, you were excited to meet him and to see for yourself how much he’s grown.

Naturally, you challenged him to a duel the first time you saw him again. It was kind of your thing with Naruto — competing with each other on who’s faster, stronger, better in ninjutsu, anything really. Mainly because Sasuke, who he often referred to as his rival, would rarely indulge him with such things, and you did. You were both competitive like that.

In no time, you were both alone on the training grounds. You could already tell how drastic his improvements were within the start of the battle.

You were in awe at how the Legendary Sannins could bring out the best in their apprentices. But despite not being trained by them, that didn’t mean you were lagging behind.

In those two years when Sasuke seeked Orochimaru for power, Naruto trained under Jiraiya, and Sakura learned from Tsunade, you were the only one in Team 7 who remained under the supervision of Kakashi sensei.

Kakashi sensei may not be a Legendary Sannin, but he was a formidable shinobi — one of the best during his generation even. However, truthfully, he infuriated you at first, not because of how late he always was — you were pretty used to it to the point that you don’t question him anymore about his whereabouts and he stopped coming up with excuses as to why he was late — but because there were times when he was too laidback.

Sure, there were moments when he was hands-on: teaching you different jutsus, lecturing you about certain concepts, informing you on what you should always look out for, drilling your body past exhaustion, and the like. But more often than not he would be saying something like, “Find it out yourself” or “I can’t exactly tell you how” as he leisurely sits on a tree branch while reading the stupid Icha Icha books.

You were dumbfounded and furious at first but when your initial annoyance subsided and you had adjusted to his teaching style, you flourished.

That’s why you could take on Naruto even after his training with Jiraiya.

What started as a serious duel between you and Naruto was reduced to playful banter the longer the fight dragged on. At one point, both of you would just tease each other while throwing kicks and punches halfheartedly.

Both of you had your guards down. That was a mistake on your part, because just as Naruto aimed to kick your face and you bent over backwards to dodge it, you slipped. You lost your footing all because of a rock situated near your right foot.

It was a rookie mistake.

Naruto was quick to notice that you were falling so he immediately grabbed ahold of your hand. The problem was he failed to pull you back up. So you ended up falling down with him. And somehow, he ended up with his arms on the sides of your head so he wouldn’t crush you as you were underneath him.

You were both shocked. You were just blinking at each other. It took awhile for the two of you to gather your bearings. When you did, you both immediately laughed out loud. Naruto moved his body so he was lying next to you as you both continued laughing your hearts out.

“What the hell was that, Naruto?!” You feigned exasperation. “You wouldn’t be able to save a fly if you tried.”

“At least I wasn’t the one making rookie mistakes like that,” Naruto shot back. “Plus I tried to help, that’s what matters.”

You snorted. “Yeah, right. You could’ve at least focused your chakra on your soles so we didn’t fall!”

“And you could’ve paid attention to your surroundings, Y/N!”

You bickered with each other as you stood up and helped Naruto get up. What the two of you didn’t know was that your boyfriend Neji had watched the whole incident.

Neji wasn’t really the type to get jealous. He’s a very understanding boyfriend. He’s aware that you and Naruto have been best friends even before he met you. He even knew about Naruto’s feelings for Sakura. However, any sane person wouldn’t want to see his significant other beneath someone else, right? Granted, it was an accident, but still… It was such a compromising position to find you in.

He made his appearance as you playfully punched Naruto in the gut.

You instantly noticed him approaching. Your smile widened even more at the sight of your boyfriend. “Neji!” You called, skipping your way towards him. You would’ve tackled him in a hug if Naruto wasn’t around.

He maintained his stoic expression as he greeted, “Y/N. Naruto.”

“Oi Neji, it’s been a while,” Naruto waved.

Neji only gave a curt nod in response.

You asked, “What are you doing here, Neji?” but just as you ended your question, the answer immediately clicked on your mind. “Oh my god, I’m sorry I forgot!”

Over your excitement of Naruto’s arrival, you forgot that it was a Tuesday. Tuesdays were your lunch dates and sparring sessions with Neji.

“It’s okay.”

“Hold on.” you told him and then faced Naruto. “Gotta go, Naruto! Bye!” you said as you grabbed Neji’s hand out of habit.

Neji flushed, not exactly expecting your action, but you didn’t notice because it was something that you’re used to doing, although not in the presence of someone else.

“See you later!” Naruto waved.

When Naruto was out of sight, you dropped Neji’s hand unconsciously. “Sorry, I forgot about lunch. What time is it? Have you eaten?” You asked Neji.

He quickly responded and told you he hasn’t eaten anything yet.

“Well then, let’s go. I’m starving.”

Neji and you walked side by side out of the training grounds.

“So…” you started saying.

Neji stared at you. “Hm?”

“How was your day, baby?”

He cleared his throat and looked away almost instantly. Very rarely would one find Neji flustered, but calling him “baby” always worked. He wasn’t quite used to the endearment and every time you addressed him as such with tenderness laced in your voice, he would blush. You use it all the time just to see his cheeks tinted pink. It was a cute sight.

“What’s wrong?” You playfully asked while trying to get into his line of vision.

He refused to meet your gaze until he regained his composure. When he did, he told you — in an impassive manner — what he had done in the morning before he went out looking for you.

Despite his expressionless face and his rather hushed tone, you listened intently to the words he was saying, the smile on your lips never leaving your face. Neji was a man of few words even until now that you were together so you made sure you paid attention every time he spoke, not wanting his words to go to waste.

He wouldn’t admit it to you but he loved that about you. You would remember even the little details of his stories, which in itself was a big deal considering you tend to forget a lot of things. You treasured his words, sentences, thoughts, ideas and plans, and kept them enclosed in your memory.

Neji loved that you focused on him. You made him feel like he was important and worthy, and that he mattered, in a completely different way than the others’ view of him.

The others only saw him as important because he was an asset both to the Hyuga clan and to Konoha. He only mattered to them because he has the strength and ability to protect them.

But you didn’t see him that way. You saw him as his own person — a man with a brilliant mind, a great moral compass, and a heart of gold. This was further confirmed when you told him that if his circumstances were different — if he was not a Hyuga or even a shinobi — you’d still fall in love with him as long as his character remained the same.

He knew you love him, there was no doubt about that. It was known; it was an irrefutable truth, an indisputable fact. But why did seeing you with Naruto trigger his insecurities that you had previously put to rest?

His mind was reeling, but he tried his hardest to be in the moment with you.

The thing was, he might have misread you a little. Because the attention that you gave him wasn’t solely focused on his words. In actuality, it extended to his actions and mannerisms as well.

This was how you knew that there was something that was bothering Neji today.

Unwelcome thoughts swarmed his mind, leading him to absentmindedly reach out to you. He was walking beside you closer than usual, with his hand on your lower back. While there was no doubt that he was listening to you when it was your turn to tell him about your day with Naruto, he had a faraway, vacant look on his face.

You may have missed the presence of a rock a while ago, but you certainly wouldn’t miss these small details about Neji.

These might come across as something normal for other people, but for someone like you who dedicated a lot of time admiring and memorizing every little detail of the certain Hyuga boy, it was easy to tell that something was on his mind from the way he was taking up a portion of your personal space. Almost as if his own restrictions were non-existent.

Normally, it would’ve been easier to confront him about it, but you were a shinobi, and if there’s something you learned from Kakashi sensei, it was that you have to gather more intel before actually making a move.

But you could only think of one way to confirm if there was something bothering your partner, and it was through his hair.

On regular days, Neji wouldn’t allow anyone to touch his hair, including you. But when there was something that was bothering him, or if he had a particularly rough day, he wouldn’t mind it if you threaded your fingers through his hair. In fact, he wouldn’t admit it, but he preferred it if you did that. It was something that calmed him down.

So while you continued telling him how your day went, you subtly angled your body towards him. Then you tentatively reached for the tips of his hair with your hand that was closest to him. You managed to grab a few strands of his hair between your thumb and index finger. You twisted them between your fingers.

You looked up to him to check if he was bothered by it, but it seemed like he didn’t mind at all. This certainly meant that his mind was elsewhere, despite the fact that he was nodding in the right parts of your speech and even correcting you when you used the wrong word to describe something.

You retracted your hand after coming up with your conclusion. You even stopped talking as you were thinking of what could’ve happened for him to be this distracted. Neji didn’t even notice you stopped talking mid sentence.

Somehow this just felt different from the times he was frustrated or anxious before, and quite frankly, you were worried.

By the time you had both placed orders and seated in a random restaurant, you decided to confront your partner. “So, Neji, baby, are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?”

He choked on nothing after hearing your question. Was he really that easy to read? Or was it easy just because it was you reading him?

He cleared his throat and feigned ignorance, “What are y-you talking about?”

You opted to give him a pointed look instead of a verbal response.

He didn’t stare back, looking anywhere but you. Most times, Neji would face you head on until you conceded; with you, he was comfortable being stubborn and unyielding because it came without repercussions. But today, he wasn’t up for the challenge. And if you looked more closely, he was once again sporting a faint color on his cheeks.

You waited a moment for him to answer, or at least to look back, but it was to no avail. With a sigh, you said, with the softest tone you could muster partnered with a reassuring smile, “Would you let me know when you’re ready, at least?”

Surprisingly, Neji looked at you then. “It’s nothing… It’s just… something silly.”

You gently grabbed a hold of his hand. “Don’t tell me it’s silly, I know it isn’t if it bothers you, baby. You don’t have to tell me now if you aren’t comfortable yet, hmm? Just know I’ll be here to listen to you.” You gave him a genuine smile and a small squeeze to his hand before letting go.

Neji’s eyes hadn’t strayed from then onwards. He had to admit sometimes he would forget how incredibly kindhearted you were, even more so when it came to him. You always made sure he was comfortable. You never forced him into doing or saying things that he wasn’t ready to do or say. You allowed him to make his own decisions and respected them, something that rarely came from being a subordinate of Konoha and a member of the branch family of the Hyuga clan.

Life as a shinobi was sometimes constricting, but you were his breather from all that.

It was your turn to be bashful from his stare. You could feel your face warming up from the unexpected, scrutinizing gaze. “Neji, stop it.”

“What?”

“Stop looking at me like that.”

“Stop being beautiful, then.”

The words that came out of Neji’s lips startled you. It wasn’t everyday he would actually use words to tell you you’re beautiful. The way he expressed his appreciation to your beauty would come in the form of fluttering kisses or gentle brushes on your body parts — coincidentally, or not, on parts where you feel the most insecure about.

Fortunately for you, the food came at the right moment, since you weren’t exactly sure how to respond to his unexpected compliment. You both ate in silence then, occasionally peeking at each other  — almost like how it was when you first started dating each other.

When you were done with lunch, you expected to take the route towards the training grounds like you both usually did, but Neji’s hand has taken solace on your back once again and this time with intent to guide you to a different direction.

You were confused but you followed anyway. “Where are we going?”

“To my place.” A pause. “Is that fine with you?”

“Sure” was all you could say. Admittedly, you were quite tired from the duel you had with Naruto earlier and you didn’t really have enough energy to spar with Neji, considering he never went easy on you.

By the time you had entered his place, he graciously offered his couch to you, as if sensing your exhaustion. You immediately plopped down on his couch after setting aside your footwear by his front door.

“Tired?”

“Very,” you mumbled.

He handed you a glass of water, knowing you weren’t quite fond of tea. He sat down beside you just as you thanked him and sipped on your drink.

Setting aside the glass, you leaned back on the couch, only to be welcomed by Neji’s arms. A small smile automatically crept into your lips from the gesture. You snuggled into him as a reflex.

It was moments like this with Neji that you treasured most. While you enjoyed tagging around with him and the rest of Team Guy on missions, you preferred spending time with him peacefully like this, without the imminent threat of danger looming over your heads. It was rather a rare occurrence, after all, for two shinobis like you both were.

Neji was first to break the comfortable silence. “I saw you with Naruto a while ago.”

“You did? When?” You excitedly asked while trying to pull away from his embrace to look directly to his face. But for some reason, he kept you in place, your cheek pressed to his neck. “Did you see me kick his ass? Like literally.”

“Yes,” he answered flatly. It was a response that sounded so… dry. Usually when you both talked about Naruto, there would be a fondness from his tone. “But… I also saw something else…” he trailed off.

You raked your mind, trying to remember what had happened earlier. Then the memory of falling down flashed on your mind, and suddenly you felt embarrassed for Neji having to witness such a mistake. “Oh no!” You jumped out of his grasp, startling him in the process. “You saw me fall down! That’s so embarrassing!” You covered your face with your palms.

“Well, yes… but—”

You snapped your head at the tone he used. He didn’t sound like he was going to tease you for your mistake, in fact, it kind of sounded like he was worried.

“I’m fine though, if you’re worried,” you offered, assuming he thought you got hurt from the fall.

“I’m glad you are not hurt,” he said. Not long after you noticed him visibly gulping.

You could tell there was something else in his mind, and whatever it was, you had a feeling it might’ve been the thing that was bothering him a while ago. You tried to come up with guesses as to what it could’ve been. As you recalled how the conversation started and considered how he was acting, a plausible answer popped into your mind.

“Are you perhaps… jealous?” You hesitantly asked. He was the first one to initiate this conversation so you were assuming he was ready to talk about it. Despite that though, you didn’t want to force him to talk so you carefully and reluctantly asked him. He was always allowed to drop the topic if he wasn’t comfortable and he knew that.

Neji cleared his throat as soon as the words left your mouth all the while avoiding to meet your eyes once again. “Maybe,” he almost inaudibly said.

You were surprised by his answer. It wasn’t always that Neji got jealous. The only time he was was when a stranger was blatantly hitting on you in front of him while you were on a mission together.

“It did not sit right with me seeing you in an… inappropriate position with someone else.” He explained. The tone he used sounded like the one he used with the Hokage when he was taking responsibility for something that went horribly wrong on a mission.

“Don’t make it sound like it’s wrong,” you said softly as you cupped his face. “You don’t have to feel guilty about feeling jealous. Your feelings are valid.”

The gentleness and warmth in your voice made his heart flutter. If this was a conversation with someone else, he was sure he was going to get teased for feeling this way, but it was with you, and you had always been different.

“I love you, Neji,” you said before you kissed his lips.

It was amazing how the three words you used that preceded his name could easily wipe out the jealousy that had brewed inside him. This was another testament of how well you knew Neji — not only did you know the small details about him, but you also know the right words to ease his worries.