#so my body now hates me because i dont usually fill it with so much sugar especially carbonated

[arthyritis]

Ahhhh I feel like shit good night everybody

[silentstyx]

"But Daddy I Love Him!" ~ (lip gallagher x fem!reader's version)

sum! "But Daddy I Love Him!" Taylor swift - The Tortured Poets department.

tw! FACEBOOK... toxic family, mention of having a baby, swearing ig (again its shameless)

uhm this is gonna suck! I have no clue what I'm doing! ok days later n the middle/ending is very sloppy i feel like. idk i kinda dont like it.

"I forget how the west was won, I forget if this was ever fun, I just learned these people only raise you to cage you"

You and Lip were fighting again. You hadn't been getting along as much anymore, you were getting closer to your two year mark too.

No one in your family liked the Gallaghers to begin with, so you couldn't complain to your family (siblings, cousins, whoever). The one who disapproved of your relationship the most though? Your father. Your father hated the relationship you had with Lip. He thought he was going to use you for money, your body, etc. He just knew Gallaghers were usually up to something, so he didn't approve of this relationship as soon as you told him.

Except with how much you and Lip were arguing now, it's hard to remember all the fun you would have. It's like a distant memory that you forget was a dream or not.

"Sarah's and Hannah's in their sunday best, Clutching their pearls, Sighing 'What a mess', I just learned these people try and save you ... cause they hate you"

Your family wasn't just rude to him, you as well. It was a bunch of rich snobs, and if something hadn't gone their way then get rid of it.

They hated you for even being in the vicinity of someone 'lesser' than them. Because god forbid you bring normal people into the wretched family of yours. Your cousins and extended family were known to gossip about others in the family, and right now you were the hot topic.

"too high a horse, for a simple girl to rise above it, they slammed the door on my whole world, the one thing I wanted"

It was an accident. Sort of. With how complicated you and Lip were right now you had changed your relationship status to "it's complicated". Not thinking about how public your page is to your very judgemental family. Lip did the same so he wasn't necessarily mad. All of your cousins, aunts, etc. were messaging you asking what happened, trying to get as much information as they could. It was all fine until your dad texted you.

"Come home."

Oh god. You could feel your stomach doing flips inside of you. You knew what he was going to say. 'You need to break up with this boy if it's to the point you're both telling the entire world how complicated your relationship is right now'. You went over there with the full intent to defend yourself and your boyfriend.

"Now I'm running with my dress unbuttoned, Screaming 'But Daddy I Love Him!' I'm having his baby. No, I'm Not, but you should see your faces"

You got to your parents house and your dad started saying the exact things you thought he would.

"If you're sharing your relationship vis-à-vis the internet than I do not think this relationship should go on." Your dad kept repeating this in different wordings time and time again.

"Dad, me and Lip are just arguing like normal couples do. All you do is talk about how I should break up with him and that he is horrible for me." You snap at him, finally.

You continue your rant, "It isn't up to you to decide for me whether my boyfriend is good for me or not. I'm an adult and I can figure my love life out for myself. He has done nothing but be kind to all of you and get on your good side, but all of you are too snobby to understand that!"

You have to take a break to breath.

"I'm having his child. Not now... but eventually." As you said this they're faces were all filled with shock. Some of them had concern written all over there face.

"I'm telling him to floor it through the fences. No, I'm not coming to my senses, I know he's crazy but he's the one I want"

"I know none of you like him, but I see a future with him. But if you never learn to accept none of you will be apart of this future." God, it felt good finally standing up for yourself in front of your family.

Instead of waiting for them you got up and left. Not wanting to here what kind of excuse he's going to make for himself.

"Dutiful daughter, all my plans were laid, tendrils tucked into a woven braid, growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all."

Your way back home had you thinking about your childhood and how you grew up. If there so against difference, and all of your other family is, why were you taught different?

It can't be because of school because you went to school with some family that acts the same as them.

Maybe because you had friends that were in south side? They were friends with the private school's principal and they were able to get in free of cost. You would go over to their house sometimes and it wasn't a huge clean house in a nice pretty neighborhood. Maybe that's why you weren't born to be a horrible person and you actually got to learn about people who weren't as lucky as you.

Which also means from a young age you were already more mature than your entire family.

"He was chaos, he was revelry, Bedroom eyes like a remedy."

You got back to the house and saw Lip on the couch. You went inside and sat next to him. At first he didn't say anything to you. Until he couldn't just not speak.

"Where'd you go?" He mutters, not looking at you still.

"Parents." You answer him almost instantly, looking at him.

He nods, knowing what this is about.

"So, they knock some sense in ya? You dumping me?" He rubs his face and the looks at you.

You snicker, "You must know absolutely nothing about me if you think I'm listening to my parents?"

He smiles and chuckled (i'm thinking of the lil breath through the nose laugh that no one knows what to call...) he knew how stubborn you were when it came to your parents.

"Soon enough the elders had convened, down at the city hall, 'stay away from her', the saboteurs protested too much"

Your family had been trying to text you. Some to apologize, some to try to talk out out of being mad, some to get gossip, the others still trying to get you to break up with him.

Your father had compared you to a '"rebelling teenager" because of how you're acting? You and Lip had stopped arguing for now.

Every time they reached out to him to talk to you through him, he would tell them to stop, "leave her alone", or block them. He was sick of how they treated you and him too.

Almost all of your family was blocked now, because they all decided to text you. The only people you couldn't bring yourself to block were your parents. Even though they were the ones laying it on the strongest. Your mom kept apologising but your dad was saying the same things as before.

"Lord knows the words we never heard, Just screeching tires and true love"

God this whole situation felt like a movie or a taylor swift song. It was ridiculous. Everyone's actions were childish and obnoxious.

You and Lip haven't been arguing in a while, because your attention was on other things at the moment. You two had actually been more romantic. You both have put your status back to normal. Yet, nothing in your life was back to normal.

"I'll tell you something right now, I'd rather burn my whole life down, Than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning"

This had been going on for over a month now. It was just annoying and obnoxious now. Lip knew you defended him and this is why this is still going on. No doubt about this. Except now he was having to deal with you being: bitchy, exhausted, or just annoyed.

It was affecting him now, and he was starting to get pissed.

"I'll tell you something about my good name, it's mine alone to disgrace, I don't cater to all these vipers dressed in empaths clothing"

"Your parents have been talking to Frank about us. Frank was asking me about you." Lip said through gritted teeth and a scowl, he had been walking inside while I said that.

You roll your eyes and respond in an almost whiny voice, "Please tell me your joking. They have gone way too far with this. First they tell my entire family and now they start on yours?"

"God save the judgemental creeps, Who say they want what's best for me, Sanctimoniously performing soliloquies I'll never see"

The texts were all the same from your mom and dad.

"We just want what's best for you, and he isn't it!" They would say. Over. And over.

It was so repetitive, you had to block them. Not everywhere just where they would text you the most.

"Thinking it can change the beat of my heart when he touches me, And counteract chemistry, And undo the destiny"

I swear if you never had met him, which your not upset about meeting him, your parents wouldn't complain to you all the time. But oh well. There's a very real possibility they would have done this with anyone who you ended up with, seeing as how everyone they would try and set you up with was not your type.

Since this has been happening, your family would always have witty remarks like: "I'll keep you in my prayers" or "I'm thinking of you"

"You ain't gotta pray for me, Me and my wild boy, and all this wild joy."

When were they going to realize that he made you happy. You liked loved being with him. He was your wild boy. Yours. For no one to take.

"If all you want is gray for me, Then it's just white noise, And it's my choice"

Being with him wasn't there choice to make, it was yours. You just had to blur out all the background noise that meant nothing to you.

"There's a lot of people in town that I, Bestow upon my fakest smiles, Scandal does funny things to pride, But brings lovers closer"

Instead of biting back, you played nice. They would would say something rude and you would respond with a smile. All of the fighting only made you and Lip begin to grow closer to each other.

Their bickering with you about him, was backfiring. Big time.

Your parents saw this. They then saw how you looked at eachother. Realised you went to war for each other. Defending each other to your parents. It made them think a little longer.

"We came back when the heat died down, Went to my parents and they came around, All the wine moms are still holding out, But Fuck 'em, it's over"

Your parents had asked you over again. There wasn't anymore fighting online for a couple of weeks now, but you still went over there with the full intent of defending yourselves.

When they started apologising though you were skeptical at first until you saw the genuine look. They meant the apology. They didn't just apologise for what they said, but the actions they had on social media, how they brought the family into it.

"I was being a hypocrite," Your father had explained, "You were talking about your issues on the internet and then I went and did the same things to the both of you, as well as involving other people when it was unnecessary. I sincerely apologise."

Lip had a subtle smirk on his face, only you and his family could recognise.

You both had thanked him for apologizing, none of your other family had apologized though.

"Now I'm dancing in my dress in the sun and, Even my daddy just loves him, I'm his lady, and oh my God, You should see your faces"

Your parents were now very fond of Lip, praising him consistently. Your mother called him handsome. Your father realised how bright he was. Most of all they realised how good the two of you were for each other and how much he loves you.

"No you can't come to the wedding, I know he's crazy but he's the one I want"

You were at your family's annual gathering when one of your cousins came over to the two of you, "So when's your wedding?"

You laughed, "If and when it happens it will solely be immediate family and some friends that will be invited. The ones who actually care about us, ya know?"

[onlyjaeyun]

idk if you do requests, but could we get a pt.2 to the daddy? sorry sunghoong text fic where they have that talk he was texting abt ? you can disregard this if you dont want to do it, i totally understand 💕

this is the ask nonie's referring to btw!

— cw: dvddy kink, light dd/lg dynamics, implied phone s3x

honestly i think if there's one thing about sunghoon is the fact he's very open when it comes to you. he trusts you and knows he can always talk to you about whatever's on his mind, it doesn't matter what it's about, if he feels like talking to you about it (which is most of the time) he does not hesitate to do so.

however, kink talks aren't on the list of daily things to talk about, so he's not quite sure how to bring it up. every since you texted him that first "daddy?" sunghoon's been struggling to think about anything but you and the thought of hearing you actually use that title for him.

hoon never really expected himself to be into it because he simply never considered you to actually have a thing for it, so he's not really sure if you are, since you were actually just messing with him.

he attentively listens to your cute little story about your day with your best friend, loving the way you go into detail about basically everything, even which flavour of boba you had, which is why he hates himself for wanting to bring your texts from earlier up so bad.

once you're done, hoon's determined to ease you into it because he doesn't want to make you uncomfortable, but the mere possibility of you being into it just as much as he is, drives him insane. he's been rock hard the whole day and the fact this all happened when he's literally away from you for the first time for this long feels like destiny's laughing at him.

"hoonie? are you there? or did you fall asleep on me again?", you chuckle and sunghoon almost loses himself in the sweet tone of your voice; he can't stop thinking about how good you sound when you cum for him.

"i'm here, baby", he replies calmly, adjusting his boxers in hopes of somehow getting rid of his raging hard on, yet fails miserably and hisses the second he accidentally nudges the tip with his hand, "got lost in my thoughts, that's it."

"you sound tired, my love, do you wanna head to sleep?"

"no", he's way too quick with his response, eliciting another row of chuckles from you and this time sunghoon simply can't stop the words from spilling out.

"are you into it?" he asks and hates how a beat of absolute silence follows, because it lets him know you're more than aware what he's referring to and he feels a weird tightness spreading in his chest in response to your lack of.

"are you into it, sunghoon?" is the only thing you reply and are actually surprised to hear the sound of a deep grunt from the other line, the noise instantly shooting a jolt of arousal through your body.

"i never thought i would be", your boyfriend mumbles and you feel excitement fill your chest, "but i – fuck, baby i want it so bad."

the moment the profanity falls past your usually so composed boyfriend's lips, you let out the breath you didn't realise you were holding in and subconsciously start pressing your thighs together.

"you want me to call you daddy?"

there's not a lot you expected to hear in response to your question, yet nothing could have prepared you for the deep groan filling your ears.

"yes, baby", sunghoon's lost every bit of patience he had left, fingers firmly wrapped around his length, stroking himself to the thought of your perfect body, your sweet voice and the feeling of your pretty cunt the only thing on his mind.

"i want it, too", you whisper shyly, sighing softly when you finally push your pj shorts down your legs to expose your drenched cunt to the cold air in your room, "have been thinking about it for so long."

"fuck, angel girl, you're going to drive me crazy", sunghoon's voice is now raspy and strained, the firm sounds of his hand meeting his hips as he fucks his fist like a man gone mad easily sending chills down your body, "be a good girl for daddy and cum with me, yeah? i need it so bad, baby."

and how could you deny a reaquest this sweet, right?

[tokyo-1842]

could we get nsfw/kink hcs for nami, nico robin, hancock, and perona with a dom!male s/o? please and thank you!!!

OMG I WROTE EVERYTHING THEN I GOT DELETED SORRY IF THIS IS LOW QUALITY I LOST MOTIVATION

VARIOUS ONE PEICE WOMEN X MALE!READER LETS GET INTO ITTT

——————————————————————————

NAMI

- HATES doing it in public or anywhere not private. She just doesn’t like the fact she could get caught at any moment!

- TIT JOBSSS

- She loves rubbing your crotch under the kitchen table at dinner because to tease you!

- Doesn’t do quickies, if your gonna do it with her ya gotta do it right!

- Teases you when giving head because she loves when you get dominant and shove your shaft down her throat

- When you give her hickies she always does a little pose that shows the love letters you left on her skin

- Scratches your back when you get too rough with her as revenge. You don’t notice until later though

Scenario:

“(NAME) (NAME) How did you get those scars on your back?” “Mm? Scars?” You turn to see thin but not deep cuts starting from your shoulder blades leading down to your waist. A “💢” appears on your head. “I fought an orange haired tiger…a very bratty one too..I’ll get revenge though~” “WOOWWWW” Chopper exclaimed. (Innocent boy🥹) “wait but how come they look fresh and I haven’t seen them since now?” “Uhhhhhhh”

——————————————————————————

ROBIN

- You’d think she’d be a sub!top right? NOT ON (Name)’s WATCH

- Unlike Nami she loves the thrill of doing it in public and the feeling of knowing anyone can see.

- Into food play :0

- Like she’ll get whipped cream on your dick and slurp it off EVEN her favorite chocolate or the desserts Sanji makes. (Much to his disarray)

- Loves cowgirl position

- Leaves hickeys on your neck

- SUPRISINGLY (not really) CAN KEEP HER COMPOSURE WHEN DOING YOU NOT BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

- Sometimes will even cockwarm you in a corner of the deck.

Scenario :

“ROBIN SWANNN!~ LET ME MAKE YOU ANOTHER DRINK SO YOU DONT DIE OF THIRST!~” Sanji said practically shouting. “That’s … great Sanji.. thank you.” Robin replied. “ILL BE RIGHT BACK MY LADY!~” Sanji skipped away. “Mm? Your pussy got tighter did you really get turned on by almost getting caught?” “I just got Mm~ scared is all” “Mmm Robin can I start moving yet your pussy is gonna snap me in ngh~ half” “HER WHAT IS GONNA WHAT!?” Sanji screamed furiously from the kitchen. “NOTHING!”

——————————————————————————

PERONA

- HAS THE CUTEST MOANS EVER OMFGG

- The first time y’all did it Perona had to explain to Mihawk through the crack of her door.

- Your cock was still buried deep inside her as she talked to him LOLLL

- DONT OVER STIMULATE HER IT WILL ACCIDENTALLY ACTIVATE HER DEVIL FRUIT 97 PERCENT OF THE TIME

- LOVES DOGGY STYLE OR FACE DOWN AND ASS UP <3

- Wakes you up with blowjobs almost everyday because she usually wakes up before you.

Scenario:

“Ah!~ (Name)…slow~ DOWN!..~” Slapping noises filled the room. 3 of her ghost passed through your body and the thrust came to a stop. “(Name)?” She looked up to see you looming over her with a dark face. “Im such a loser how did I end up with a girl like you…?” “AH! (Name)! IM SO SORRY!” She retracted the ghost. “P..Perona?” Hee hand raised up to give you a hard bonk to the head. “I TOLD YOU TO SLOW DOWN NOW LOOK WHAT HAPPENED!” “Oops..”

——————————————————————————

Boa Hancock

- HUUUGE BREEDING KINK SHES SO INTO THE THOUGHT OF HAVINGp YOUR CHILDREN

- Here she thought no one could best Luffy 😭

- Is very VERY romantic

- Loves the butterfly position, she just loves looking into your eyes as you 2 make love!

- She is the only who gives hickies because her skin needs to “Stay smooth” she said. ;(

- Doesn’t even let her sisters look at your handsome FACE! <3

- She thinks almost every look you give her means your in “the mood”~ 😏

Scenario:

“Ooh (Name)!~” She called out wait for you to show up. “Hey my love, what’s up?” “I couldn’t help but think about how you stared at me during dinner so I prepared a little something for us!~” She opened the door to a dim room lit with pink and red candles. Red rose petals covered the bed in a heart shape. “Wow~ all this for me?” You left Boa off her feet. “Of course after I could read you like a book!~” You started walking over to the romantically covered bed. All you could think about was you simply wanted her to pass the salt during dinner.

- YOU STILL FUCKED HER SILLY THOUGH LOL

——————————————————————————

TY FOR THE REQUEST ANNON!!

HERE ARE SOME COOL GIFS :p

OK HAVE A GOOD DAY :D

[saruman-the-silly]

Nightmares

Reader comforting Terzo after a nightmare

tags: terzo x gn!reader, some very bad Italian done with google translate dont kill me pls, fair warning the beginning is very much ANGST but it gets better I promise, hurt/comfort because I need this rn, fluff and just pure, pure romance

if ya wanna up the angst levels on this one, listen to Life Eternal or Darkness at the Heart of My Love while reading :D

-----------------------------

It was so dark. Not a sound could be heard from the empty hallways of the Abbey except quiet tears.

The darkness was starting to consume him. And he was all alone to battle it.

Terzo's face paint was smudged with the never-ending flow of tears, as he held on to your lifeless, bruised body.

"I'm so sorry, amore." He whispered, a tear falling down on your cheek while he brushed a strand of hair from your face.

"I promised to protect you but I failed. You warned me about this and you were right, as you always were." He cracked a small smile at that, reminiscing about the times the two of you argued over something small and silly.

Terzo loved the way your eyes shone with passion when you were talking about something that was important to you. He adored the way your eyes lit up when he cracked a stupid joke, and when your laughter filled the air after you had sneaked around the Abbey at 3 am doing Satan knows what.

He held your face, oh your beautiful face in his hands and was reminded of the fact that he would never get to experience that again. Tears welled up in his eyes, and he sobbed, while gently closing your eyelids.

"Amore mio, se riesci a sentirmi, ti prego perdonami- Mi dispiace tanto, I love you so much, you didn't deserve any of this," Terzo sobbed, holding you. Only to notice that your body was slowly fading away.

"What, nononono, NO- HAVEN'T I SUFFERED ENOUGH-" He tried to hold on but it was no use. Now, he was completely alone in the darkness.

The one single person who he loved the most, was gone.

Forever.

----

"-Terzo? Amore, wake up-" Terzo woke up with a gasp, face still wet with tears. You were sitting beside him, looking very worriedly at him.

Your hair was a mess, you looked like you just woke up. And you probably did, Terzo's nightmares were not usually very quiet.

"Bad dream?" You asked, smiling sadly at him.

"They- You were- So cold-" He tried choking out, before bursting into tears. You smiled sadly and wrapped him in a tight hug.

You didn't say anything, you didn't need to, you just held him and whispered some comforting words to him.

"Mi dispiace tanto, non ti merito amore," He whispered quietly, after a few minutes, while still tightly holding on to you.

"Hey hey hey, none of that now okay?" You pulled back to see his face, his eyes puffy and red from crying.

"I love you. Amore mio, you deserve kindness and compassion. You have my love, and my heart. Do not forget that," you sternly looked into his eyes. You gently brushed the last remains of his tears away, kissing his cheeks softly. His eyes fluttered close at the sensation, and he let out a sigh.

"I love you." You whispered, pressing a gentle but sweet kiss to his lips. '

"Now, let's try to get some sleep, okay?"

Terzo cracked a small, but a tired smile. He wrapped his arms tightly around you and buried his face in your hair, letting out a deep breath. With your hands wrapped tightly around him, he finally felt like he could breathe.

-------------------------------

it's like literally midnight but I just had the urge to write something.. I'll probably hate this in the morning- anyway! Enjoy some ANGST

[soombee]

🫂 ｡ﾟ⊹ you’ve built a home in my heart — 10. drunk confessions

:: u got up at 2 am to get some snacks at the convenience store down the street. for your inconvenience, you quietly opened the door to meet a peculiar sight, someone trying to sleep on the floor across the hallway because their roommate has their gf over .. ?

warnings ⚠️ none

word count ‼️1,043 / 1k wrds !!

yunjins apartment, 09:47 pm

the rest of the day was boring. from seven am till now, nothing eventful as happened, hyunjin wasnt even home so you decided to visit yunjin. honestly, you forgot about drinking till you saw rikis twt

“oh” how thoughtful it was for him to remind you,

10:06 pm — drinking w yunjin

“yunjiiinnnn, this isnt faiirr!!” you sulk, face is hot and sweaty from the soju. “that shouldve been meeee..”

“ynnn, what if shes his sister or something??” yunjin pats your hair, “its okay baby, we’ll ask him tomorrow”

“but i wanna talk to him now, we havent talked since yesterday” you can’t believe youre acting so soft for a Man..

“no ml, uve already had too much to drink” she snatched your phone out of your hands, and damn you wish you hadnt been so stubborn that night

quickly, you took your phone back from her grasps and opened imessage,,

🔍 search : my loser baby 🙈🙈 🎙️

riki didnt even realize he dropped everything he was doing just to come and take care of you,

“im so doomed..”

1:38 am

ding dong, the doorbell rang and yunjin went running to it

“thank god youre here, just go straight n take a right and she should be over there”

“alright, thank you.” he bowed as a sign of respect, “im riki, btw” reaching his hand out to the brown haired girl in front of him

“yunjin” they shake hands

whys he so sweaty… - yunjin

“ugh hes so pretty its so annoying.” you yelled from the room you were in, not realizing you were shouting “i cant keep pretending like i dont wanna kiss his plump ass lips when i see him..” you cried out, tears falling down your cheeks

“youre so dramatic, yn!” yunjin made sure u heard her, “why are you crying!?”

whos she talking abt ..? — riki

suddenly, you felt a hand lift your chin up, forcing you look up to riki with teary eyes. the sight tugged his heart strings, he cant bear to look at you like this. he took a seat beside u, and with a gentle touch, he reached out and wiped away the tears from your cheeks, his fingers lingering for a moment longer than usual, a flicker of romantic tension between you two

“stop crying, u look so ugly”

“…”

“why were u crying anyways”

“cause i fuckign hate you”

“wtf did i do”

“i hate you so much, u do all of this just to get my hopes up” you punch his chest

“what..?” rikis heart skipped a beat

“i dont even know how i liked you in the first place, youre such an ass to me.” what a blatant lie you just told, even he treated you better than most of your exes

“…”

“you make me jealous even though you arent mine,,”

“yn, youre drunk go home” yunjin cuts you off but was too late to save you from the embarrassment in the morning.

rikis car, 2:22 am

riki watched as you stumbled out of yunjins apartment, steps unsteady and words slurred. concerned, he approached you with caution

“yn, are you alright?” riki asked

you looked up at him, eyes glassy and cheeks flushed. you giggled, swaying slightly as you tried to maintain your balance

“riki!” you exclaimed, voice overly enthusiastic. “i have something important to tell you!” the anger from earlier left your body

“yn, maybe its best if we wait until youre sober,” riki suggested gently, his voice filled with concern and nervousness

you pouted, your expression morphing from excitement to disappointment. you leaned closer to him, he can smell the alcohol from your breath

“why do u have to be so cute..” — riki

he sighed as his heartbeat raised, “lets get you home, and we can talk about this when you’re feeling better, alr?”

you nodded, eyes still filled with a mix of nothing and everything at the same time. riki guided you gently, supporting you as you walked into his car. the silence between you two felt heavy with tension, both aware of the awkwardness that hung in the air

your apartment, 2:48am

upon reaching your doorstep, riki helped u unlock the door. you stepped inside, and flopped down on the couch, head spinning from the alcohol

“hyunjin??” riki looked around the apartment for him, looking for someone to take care of you when he leaves, but he wasnt there “ig ill do it..” his ears turned red

riki gently led u to the bathroom to help u freshen up. with a warm washcloth, he began wiping away the remnants of the night, gently dabbing at your flushed cheeks and smoothing ur disheveled hair (niki husband material era😍)

with u cleaned up, he led u to the bedroom. he helped you settle under the covers, making sure you were comfortable. as he turned to leave, your hand shot out, gripping his tightly

“dont go,” you pleaded, voice vulnerable. “stay..”

riki paused, his heart fluttered at your touch and your words. he could sense the sincerity in your plea but he also knew you were drunk. like yunjin said, u werent able to think on your own yet

“i dont want to take advantage of you, yn” riki replied, his voice filled w concern. “youve had a lot to drink, ill be back in the morning dw”

your grip on his hand tightened, your eyes pleading him not to leave

“i know im drunk, riki,” she admitted, her voice tinged with vulnerability. “i have known ever since you washed my face. i dont want you to go, i need you here with me, please”

riki looked into your eyes, searching for sincerity and clarity amidst the haze of alcohol. in exchange, he saw the raw honesty and the fear of losing his presence.

“alr then,” riki conceded softly. “ill stay with you but we need to promise each other that we’ll talk abt this conversation when ure fully sober”

you nodded, relief washing over your features

as your breathing steadied, riki stayed by your side, hands intertwined. he watched over you, his presence offering solace in the midst of your vulnerability

“goodnight, yn” he whispered gently as he thought about everything

did u guys miss me 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🩷🤍🩷

☆ prev || m.list || next — ♡

taglist (open) !! @aernx @namelesssuser @alicesolengg @woon2u @dearyjw @beomgyusonlywife @maybemiko @yourmyst4r @j-wyoung @yumilovesloona @astrae4

[aropride]

me when i want to go watch a meteor shower so i go walk the 0.2 miles (same distance i have to walk to get to my class) and back at 4am and im like its fine i have time to rest before my class starts and then i have to leave for class and i go to the elevator- the only elevator by the way- and i have to wait 10 minutes for it to come and when it comes its full of fucking chairs because theyre doing a furniture delivery for the dorms today! and i knew that was happening but i did not know they would be filling the entire elevator with chairs! but im able to squeeze on so i do and then i walk to class and i dont get to take my usual break outside beforehand bc i spent that time waiting for the fucking elevator. and then i finish my work early in class so i head back and its incredibly painful and i cant breathe so i stop and sit down two seperate times and then i get to the door by the elevator and theres sreveral trucks and workers and chairs . and there are people standing in the elevator so it doesnt close and i can only assume moving chairs onto it. and im like ok whatever i'll go up the first half flight of stairs and then wait on the first floor. so i go to the first floor- and by the way while all this is happrening im carrying my giant inconvenient very heavy art bag with all my shit i'm bringing back to my dorms from the art studio- and i press the elevator button and i wait . and i press it again and i wait . repeat several times until its been over 10 minutes and i realize the elevator is not going to come and i am in pain and i have to climb four flights of stairs carrying my stupid fucking art bag. so i do and its painful and sucks and i have literally no other option because the elevator wont come and i have to take breaks between each flight of stairs. and then i get back to my room and i cry. 👍. and i have another art class later today that i have to go to but i cant because i dont want to walk down four flights of stairs and back to the building and then do that all again at the end of class. so now i have to send my professor an email like hey. i cant get to class because they are putting chairs in the fucking elevator and i cant walk up and down any more flights of stairs because my body hates me so so much and i hate it back

[soup-du-silence]

YES TUMBLR, I KNOW YEO TAGGED ME, IM AWARE, YOU DONT HAVE TO SEND ME A PUSH NOTIFICATION EVERY HOUR, I WAS AT WORK!!!!

Taico tagged me too apparently but I didnt get a notif for that??? ok

Last Song: The DJ is Cryng for Help. Excited to be the oldest bitch at the AJR concert this summer.........again lol. Love/hate relationship with the new album but they put on a good show

Favourite Colour: red! I need to re-dye the red in my hair I am considering this a reminder.

Currently watching: We've been on youtube lockdown pretty much ever since Vanguard debuted, but with the boys in japan for holofes/their upcoming 3D debuts, their schedules have been inconsistent. Alisa's a very hardcore Betellion meaning if Bettel's streaming she has him playing on at least two screens simultaneously and is active in chat, and Im a very normal Hakkito meaning I usually get through like 65% of Hakka's streams, eventually, if I have time. We'll throw on Shinri or Altare if we're caught up or there's nothing else happening. I made the mistake of introducing Alisa to HBomberguy and she's been filling the gaps with her 500th rewatch of the Plagiarism or Pathologic vids while the stars are busy. But also we're watching Dungeon Meshi! Izutsumi soon!!!!!

At this precise moment in time Alisa's watching the new JapanEat upload. (We love this guy)

Sweet/Savoury/Spicy: Spicyyyyyyy I love spicy Im a terrible cook and i only know how to season with cayenne. i dont know when exactly i started equating "flavor" with "pain" but it is what it is. I'm kind of reaching the stage in my life where I need to be more careful about what I put in my gut because sometimes just too much pepperoni will fuck me up for 24 hours but also what if I ignored my aging body and didn't do that?

Relationship status: I've been with Alisa for 15 years! We met in the Meet the Robinsons fandom on livejournal/deviant art

Current Obsession: Four years late to the party Twisted Wonderland finally got its hooks into me! (Add me on EN: ZyEdsarR) I'm very mentally unwell about Scarabia. None of the fanfic on AO3 is scratching the itch so I'm spending too much money importing doujin. It's great but it takes a month to get like eight books and oops one of them is just a straight up fanfic and im sure its banger but I can't google translate my way through 60 pages of japanese text, one of them is solid porn which, yknow, cool, but it was probably something I was in the mood for when I placed the order a month ago and now I want story, and I have to sit down at my desk with good light to translate with my phone camera when what i CRAVE is to lie in bed on my side reading fic on my phone until 2 am. I'm dying, squirtle. (Anyone got good fic recs? there is WAY too much fic for pickings to be as slim as I feel like they are)

Last thing I googled:

none of these recipes look like the amazing shit they gave us at Falafel King so wish me luck

[sunakore]

#5 🙏

technically 5 and 6 and 7 but nooo just 5. and we're so winning dude im happy that im actually staying disciplined in my writing for once! i think im gonna start reading more often because it can help your writing so says the lame little dorks curled up into a book as the fragrance of peppermint candles wafts throughout the cozy interior)

(i dont like reading. but fuck it we ball. think i'll start looking into some advice lol)

minor cw for a bit of dark/crude dialogue

(nothing too serious)

-

"What are you doing?" Marelle asked, her voice rippling through the waves of silence in the dark house. She fixed Aeloa with a glare.

Aeloa rolled her shoulders. "Killing myself, maybe."

"What?" Marelle rushed up to her and slammed the door shut, zir hand resting over the doorknob. Aeloa heavily sighed. She knew how to manage herself just fine, even when she was alone during the middle of the night. "You know how late it is. That's absurd. Don't tell me you're—"

"So what if I am?" Aeloa pushed zir hand aside and bolted out the door, ignoring the alarmed shouts that spilled from Marelle's mouth. She didn't care if the forest was dangerous, because it kept her alive. It was like dangling on the edge of a cliff, looking down at a sea that threatened to fill your lungs with water.

She didn't look back. Not when her name was called, and when Marelle tried to warn how much danger she could get in. She had her sword at her side. She couldn't care about the consequences right now.

-

"I think it's dead," Rene deadpanned. Santez continued to deal rapid stabs into the creature's neck until his hand hurt from the motion. He crumpled to the ground and clutched his knife like an oath.

"Fuck!" Santez yelled, his words mixing with gasps for air. "Fuck you! I—know, I know it's dead. Fucking hell! I hate spiders! I hate them!"

He wasn't sure who he was yelling at. Maybe the mangled arachnid that he killed. Its large, spindly legs lied in a heap on the ground. Venom drooled from its mouth, which hung wide open from pain. Santez grimaced at the sight of mixed blood covering its body. Some of it was its own, and other stains had traces of green and purple and blue.

He was never going after a demon in the caves. Never again. He would probably have a heart attack if the spider had a swarm of babies creeping around in the ceiling. He froze. Oh. God. Please some god assure him that there were no tiny little demons scurrying on the walls. Nononono. Fucking hell to the goddamn no.

"I might stab myself," Santez dreadfully mumbled. He could hear the rustle of Rene's clothes as he shifted, but couldn't actually see him. The darkness swarmed around the entire cave system. Dark. So dark, that there was no way to leave a trail. He couldn't see a single crack of moonlight.

Rene crouched down to meet Santez's eye. He could see the annoyance drawn on their face. The lack of worry he could only dream of having. "You're so overdramatic."

"Eat your parent's ashes," Santez snapped.

-

Nalani crossed over the word 'crunch'. He found amusement in doing the little challenges on the backs of cereal boxes—especially the cheap brand they always got, called Poploo's or something. They all just called it Peepoo's, so that's what they remembered it by. Usually, the activities were simple and probably generated by AI with the amount of mistakes there were.

One time he had spent thirty minutes doing a maze with confusing turns and dead ends. Only to find out that the end couldn't even be accessed. He somehow felt so petty that he wanted to put down the cereal with a shotgun and never buy one again.

"I found a word." Aeloa trailed her finger down one of the words on the box. She looked at it with a deadpan. "...Crunch? Didn't you just get that word?"

"No. There's a Y. ..Crunchy." He marked out the rip-off of a word with marker. Santez looked up from his phone as they continued doing the word search.

His lips curled into an unamused frown. "That looks stupid," he said in full honesty. Icarus jabbed him in the shoulder and rolled his eyes. He looked like someone who lived in a bunker rather than a functioning human. Nalani internally sighed.

"You're stupid," Icarus said.

Santez huffed, a sure sign of the morning moodiness. "No I'm not."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"Fuck you."

"Settle down," Nalani interjected. He took a spoonful from his cereal bowl and chewed solemnly. Children. He was dealing with a horde of children. Aeloa snatched the box and marker away and went to work on the puzzle herself.

[neon-knights-mercenary-company]

For both Rowan and Ags, from that latest ask game:

1, 5, 8, and 10, plus the additional questions of "What’s the thing they’re into that they’re most embarrassed/conflicted about?" (Hobbies, interests, kinks, etc)

( @is-the-battlemech-cool-or-not )

1. What is the character’s go-to drink order? (this one gets into how do they like to be publicly perceived, because there is always some level of theatricality to ordering drinks at a bar/resturant)

R: context, baybe! Am i at a merc bar? Timbiqui Dark. I hate the stuff to be honest, but one has to keep up appearances.

Drinking on someone else's dime? Call me old fashioned, but i do enjoy an Old Fashioned. I like'em fixed with maraschino, and give the glass a spritz of absinthe before you pour. Fun fact: a surprising number of bartenders dont know that maraschino is a liqueur, and put a bouquet of fuckin cherries in your drink. Tha dinguses.

At home? I'll keep it simple, usually some combo of soda + spirits. Im particuarly fond of sasparilla and Yukon Jack.

A. I enjoy my drinks hot, not cold. Coffee with tequilla, hot coco with tequilla, tea with tequilla... you get the picture.

5. What was the last time they cried, and under what circumstances? (Good way to get some *emotional* backstory in.) 

R: my pride wants me to say it was at my mamma's teat, but... nah, lets drop the kayfabe for a sec and be real here. I cry, a whole fuckin' lot more than i admit, and nowhere near as much as i should. We joke and pal around and measure our dicks at each other, but in the end? We kill people. We visit incredible violence on our fellow human beings, and that should take a toll. And if it ever stops taking a toll? Its time to retire.

That doesn't exactly answer the question, so... last time i cried was a few nights ago. @is-the-battlemech-cool-or-not was gettin' me up to speed on the hundred years of history i missed out on, and i managed to hold it all together till i got back to my bunk. And then i broke down sobbing. Part of that was just, pent up stress from the goddamn meatgrinder of the Clan invasion. I lost almost everything- the war, half our company, nearly everyone we knew outside of that shitty ass Invader that misjumped us here.

But hell, y'know what? Ive still got that other half of my company. I still have Agata and Joana, i still got most of Fursona's Fusiliers around. Hell, i'm even reignitin' something with Remus... look, all those good things, that ive still got? Cried for that, too. It aint all gotta be tears of sorrow, you can cry for the good things too.

A: August 20th, 3028. Got pepper sprayed at Melissa and Hanse's wedding.

8. Describe the place where they sleep. (ie what does their safe space look like. How much (or how little) care / decoration / personal touch goes into it.)

R: whoo boy. Just cleared out ol' Ronnie's quarters on the Pony. Its not got much decoration yet, just the barebones cot and whatnot. Lots of stab marks in the walls and furniture from when i get bored...Kept his desk though- solid oak, from Samantha. And uhh... maybe a couple of pinups of Kamea Arano... and Candace Liao... and Hanse Davion... and-

A: Like Rowan, I've just moved quarters- her old room in fact, since I'm the XO now. I have my rock collection up on some shelves I put in- I like to get one rock from each celestial body I visit, unique if possible. Theres also stab marks all over the place that I'm filling in, thanks for that by the way Rowan.

10. What objects do they always carry around with them? (What do they need for their normal, day-to-day routine? What does ‘normal’ even look like for them.) 

R: Pistol, hormones, sunglasses. In that order.

A: I no longer have my katana from my time in the DCMS, but I do still have the wakizashi that paired with it. I still wear it, for luck.

Bonus: What’s the thing they’re into that they’re most embarrassed/conflicted about? (Hobbies, interests, kinks, etc. Gets into self-image vs how they want to be perceived vs what compels them anyway, plus backstory.)

R: Conflicted, specifically. The tough-as-nails merc persona is... its hard to keep up sometimes. I want to be vulnerable around those I love, but i have trouble turning the macho down. Its paid in dividends, over the years, in bonus c-bills made and fights avoided, but it's also taken its toll on me. And... i didnt let myself feel what i wanted to feel around someone who i now realized i loved- and still love- very much.

A: Sometimes, on my worst nights, I- I still think about my time in the DCMS. And its like I'm still there, never left, and couldnt leave if I wanted. And I dont feel scared or trapped by my superiors or my culture, or horrified by the things I'd done for the Combine. I dont feel anything but mild pride and nostalgia. I don't like those being the things I feel about that time.

[angi3260]

Insecure part 2: Raul Dominguez

Raul Dominguez. A forgotten doodle of a demon oc. He served no purpose, neither did his family. It only got worse his undestined life, his family arguing over and over on who they were. And without knowing what the consequences would be...

" want some kid" asked a smoker to Raul who took the cigarette and the man's boxes of matches" claro cabron" he replied in spanish. The consequences of the conflicts let to rauls needs. His need to smoke, drink, to sway from shit. Even if it killed him slowly. Sometimes he got aggressive with others without the intention...or complain he went through the worst things than the others who never liked comparing their horrible times...

" hey michael. Can you tell that pig not to eat too much, hes clearly on his third plate by now" spoke raul. It was the groups friendsgiving at a local church and despite arriving late they were all alone enjoying the holiday as friends. However once raul made that statement, Jesse just began feeling a bit insecure at that time and calmed himself down before resorting to violence" Jesse." Spoke Michael to jesse assuring that he's not in trouble" you may proceed with your third plate in peace. Raul, please next time if you feel like you ate too much yourself then dont take it out on others starving" Michael continued" besides you two have different bodies, and both of you need different amounts of food. You may only need a plate or two but jesse may need five to ten" he finally attached" five to ten? Geeze no wonder why he walks so slow and has very bad lungs my man's a fat ass" replied raul pissed of Michael's answer. However this began slowly affecting jesse more and more every second that he didn't even bothered to finish his current third plate of food and handed it to anselm and rochelle" you two can share it together. I'm out of here for tonight" spoke jesse taking his leave while putting on his coat as Raul finally calmed down he noticed jesse gone from the table and his plate still with food on it" raul that was very rude of you, you know that right!?" Spoke rochelle upset that thanks to him jesse got uncomfortable on a holiday bonding of theirs"...Jesse is no pig...he eats a lot because he was never given that amount we usually get to where we need little to be full as he needs more to fill that gap he couldn't have plus.......WANNA KNOW HOW FUCKING LONG IT TOOK FOR US THREE TO FINALLY GET JESSE TO EAT AS THAT "PIG" YOU SAID OF HIM..." spoke anselm defending jesse most from that word "pig".

" it'd be best if raul apologizes to jesse once hes cooled down" spoke Michael" in the mean time. I will try to find jesse and ensure he eats enough for the very least until he is ready to come back" Michael added taking his leave" can I join you?" Asked anselm quickly being brought into a hug with Michael taking both to find jesse" you still got some nerve for ruining the time we can all get together like a family. You know we all find eachother as Home unlike Home itself..."

Rochelle spoke" I will give you time to think yourself of your actions" she added also taking her leave. Raul was now all alone" I'm all alone again heh. Just like I've always been only you and me ain't it?" Spoke raul poor raul, he couldn't quit this smoking of his for it was his way to escape from anythin.

Michael arrived around 2:34 A.M. back from Jesse and noticed Raul smoking and coughing badly the smog of his cigar" Raul. Why do you still yet do this to yourself?" Asked Michael getting closer and removing the awful smelling cigarette from Raul's mouth." Its how I cope okay!?" Shouted raul madly" so that's all you do? You smoke your problems away like a COWARDdrug addict!?" The other spoke" I do..." spoke raul" if you really want to find that purpose of yours, you must start by not denying or hating anything BEYOND YOUR ORDINARY" spoke Michael" if we did that to you I assure you we would've killed you and you'd be Jesse's food to eat" he added on"maybe your right..." spoke Raul.

Extra chapter 1: The Apology

"Its okay jesse. You aren't wrong" spoke anselm trying to convince his friend to atleast not starve himself because of raul" I already told you anselm. I'm not hungry" spoke jesse resisting to eat the cake slice Michael bought him when found, he was very hungry still but those words still hurt him in a way. Maybe he was a fatass like raul said it's no wonder he can barely keep up with the others when running"jesse" spoke raul pissing the other off even more once hearing it" jesse I'm sorry.. I shouldn't have called you like that when eating I just wasnt used to someone like you, a selfless, bruised,strong and caring person"jesse slowly brought anselm in his arms to hug him" and to make up the friendsgiving, I bought something for us three to make our own little friendsgiving" added raul. Jesse noticed it was a bag full of french fries atleast 5 large fries in it and without thinking twice jesse proceeded to consume the fries" hey hey calm down. Theres plenty to eat no rush" spoke raul.

[peachyblkdemonslayer]

Imma need a part 2 for that DukeZara prompt bc holy shit things are about to get messy

Duke felt a clench in his jaw line when she made the almost passive suggestion of going to Batburger. But after years of dealing with his found family and so many other colorful individuals he let it slide and followed her.

As they entered the place the older of the two kids eyes lit up at the new limited edition Batgirl toy they offered with the kids meal. He huffed air out of his nose before walking up to the counter to order their food. The younger of the kids stayed in Jahzara arms asleep now.

"What do you want?"

"Oh you got an attitude don't do that" she replied back. He rolled his eyes at her.

"I think I have the right to when you dip for years on end and come back with not one but two kids! Now dont start what do you want"

She was quiet from a moment before the older kid pulled at her jacket and looked up at her.

"Mama can I get the Batgirl toy?" She asked. Her hair was done up in twin afor puffs, one of the cutest hairstyles known to man.

"Yeah baby of course just give her a kids meal and me a batburger and fries"

He nodded and ordered the food while Jahzara walked over to a somewhat private corner of the semi filled restaurant. She didn't wait long for Duke to come over with receipt in his hand. When he sat down at the table neither if them said anything. It was Duke who broke the silence first.

"Are they mines?" His tone was stilled and cold.

Jahzara didn't show it but she flinched on the inside by his voice.

".....yeah" she turned away from him and looked outside the window in the front of the building. The gray stone city if Gotham greeted her eyes. She was always confused in how she hated this place so much but missed at the same time. Maybe that's why she came back.

"And you didn't feel the need to tell me because what?" Duke said with a light almost not there fury in his voice.

Jahzara furrowed her brows, "I had my reasons"

"Reasons I'm sure aren't good enough" he spat.

"Reasons you don't have any roomt to judge on cause your not me and I didn't tell you. I guess Bruce is rubbing off on you a lot huh?" She threw back.

"Don't you fuc-"

"Order #55!" Called an employee.

He hadn't noticed it but he could feel his body tremble with angry at the short but emotions filled conversation. He pushed away from thr table and turned to get the food from the counter. Not even a few steps away He looked over his shoulders and gave a dull look to her.

"Usually I wouldn't let someone talk to me crazy like that especially over something I have the right to be pissed about. But I'll let it go this time but don't try me again Jah and I mean that"

[dead-believers]

i am full of many complicated feelings at the moment so if you dont mind im going to slowly parse through them like a raccoon with weird little gripping hands. ok?

i was, for the briefest moment, hit with an overwhelming desire to Not Die. and its not like i want to die on a usual day anyways, not explicitly but like. the idea that id finally be someone i want to be, in a body that i dont vehemently hate, with friends and able to go outside and not immediately think about getting hit by a car. or being able to do the very fucking simple task of crossing a road and not be filled with so much shame that i start crying on my way to my fucking PLC. i want to be someone i like being, i want to be there when cool things happen, i want to do stupid shit with my friends and go out for drinks and have fun and not have every second thought be "god i wish someone would kill me". and the worse part is that im kind of mad at feeling like that, because it's already gone. and i got my hopes up for nothing, and the idea that i could get better isnt one i can afford to have, anymore. because i wont, at least not soon enough for it to matter. the world has failed me, and ive failed everyone, and i cant fix it now. the world isnt meant for me, and all that feeling has given me is more shitty thoughts. so what the hell

another thing is my partner. co-host of my system. and its really stupid, and literally impossible, and kind of maybe a bit shitty but i really. wish they were like. external, i guess. if there was some way to get them Out of my head and into their own lil. body. i would really really like that. because they love me, and obviously i love them as well and that kind of sucks to have so much denial about, because theyre in my system. and what am i going to do if we all fuse again. what, i just have to be okay with losing them? i just have to be fine with that? and i know its useless to think about it, and im worrying myself over nothing, but god how can i not be terrified. its already happened once, and theres so much more to lose now. i could lose tilsit and i cant fucking deal with the idea of that. i cant. every other fucking romantic relationship ive had has hurt me, and this time its actually okay. this time is fine, because communication isnt an issue and we're together whenever we need to be and they're there and they get it and like. i cant lose that. i cant. i am terrified. im terrified a lot, lately. i dont want to lose tilsit. i dont wqnt to lose my system. do they know how fucking important they are to me. how much i love them. it makes me sick, sometimes, how much they mean to me. i am an awful thing with enough love in me to kill someone and i dont know what to do with it and im scared its like. too much, i guess. like, i want to tell my friends i love them. cause i do, of course i do, but just. i dont want to be the shitty, self-fulfilling prophecy i always end up being, yk? its a lot

im going to go lie down now. mauybe see if i can find phil. have a little hangout in the front. it'll be nice, yuo can join in if you want. or something

[indigo474]

-1-4-24-

i slept for 9 hours. i feel like a different person than i was yesterday. No pains. i'm not 100% sure about the sleep thing- i guess it happens once in a while.. my mind was active that night- funny a person at work told me i was in her dream the other night. i've heard if you can't sleep it's because you are in someone's dream. it was the first time anyone has ever told me i was in their dream. i wonder if iam ever in a strangers dream. ANYWAY.. i have a theory as to why my body was so sore.. i ate like crap during the holidays.. not awful awful but i ate things i usually do not eat.. ie sugary stuff and not only did it make me feel sick but i think it cause inflammation. i could be wrong but i dont think i am. my body has become sensitive to food and mainly sugar. everything has sugar but i'm talking holiday sugar. i think my body reacts to the sugar in alcohol and that is why drinking makes me feel so sick. i dont mind aging- i do think its a privilege- i just do not want to feel old. i will do whatever it takes for me to not feel old. i really need to listen to my body. i'm not going to let 50 bother me. i am going to be hyper vigilant about what i put into my body. i have to figure out a schedule for running and lifting. i think if i did weights 1 more time a week i would really see and feel a difference. someone said i should a different gym. i dont go to the one i belong to now so thats probably not the best idea. I have to trust that i'll figure it out. James is changing my routine next week.. so i can expect my body to take a little bit of time to get use to it. 195 dead lift.. crazy.. it almost felt easy. i need to start eating something before i go. protein bar.. something.. 105 bench.. it felt hard. I told James about my RAD idea and he said he saw it somewhere.. already been done.. he also said people would get attached.

Madison sent me a picture of her and I- she was about 5,i was about 35 and i was huge. I remember how i felt- i remember that day. i remember hating myself. its sad.. the amount of time i spent hating myself, my life everything. i just fucking ate to fill a void that could never be filled by anything external. i spent so much of my life blaming myself for everything.. i was the cause of other people's unhappiness.. ive learned so much since that time. so much. I showed James and Joey the picture- they couldnt believe that was me. it is hard to believe. yes the outside has changed but more importantly so has the inside

[problematicgardener]

Can I be so for real. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. With my whole being I desire something different, anything different, and I know I have the power to change things. I've dealt with death, trauma, bad family, depression, suicidal thoughts, and I've come out on top of everything. But now, with nothing standing in my way, I'm at the bottom. If you had asked 17 year old me what I'd be doing at 21, he'd say I'd be dead. If you asked 19 year old me, he'd say something great or amazing. If you ask me now, I have no clue. I'm stuck in a fucking tar pit of my own creation right now, and I yearn to crawl out, but my body will not move. I'm a walking contradiction. Highly skilled in many fields, but doing nothing with them. Filled with emotion, but not able to express it. By human standards, I have a luxurious life with no struggles to eat, drink, or anything. But somehow the mind still creates them.

I'm tired. I wish that my mind would let itself rest. All I hear every day is more and more about things I "should be doing." But it's scary man. I've never held a job more than six months because they've been overstimulating, the people have been bad, any number of special reasons that the man behind my eyes doesn't like. I always say to myself that the next thing will be better. After I do this, I can take a break to focus on helping myself. After I finish this course, I can get a good paying job that won't make me want to pull my skin off. I look to the future because if I stay in the present, I'd be sucked into despair. I can't let myself do that. I have one good thing about me and it's my resilience and I cannot let myself lose it. It's all I have now.

I really seem fine to others. I have this persona that I put on when I'm with even my most trusted of friends. I know intuitively that I can talk to them candidly and openly, but I just can't. And now I'm wondering if I stop myself for their sake or for mine. Because when I'm forced to sit down and articulate my thoughts, it opens up sides of me that I'm honestly fearful of. I've done more introspection than everyone around me, and I'm still fucking scared. Are you kidding? This was supposed to get fucking easier. How in the hell is it getting harder.

I dont know if I should go to bed right now or not. I usually have a rule where if something bothers me, I fuck off and sleep or eat or do something else for a while, and if it still bothers me after, then it's an actual problem. But I'm not sure if this is something that can be slept off. I fear of what could snowball if I do just sleep it off.

It's difficult feeling so very strongly and not being able to express fucking any of it. And every positive emotions HAS to come with a negative one jammed in there. Like a diamond with one lace of uncrystallized carbon running through it. I can't feel joyous without the tinge of anxiety if my friends don't care as much as I do. I can't feel content without the guilt of needing to get something else done. I can't feel proud without fear of coming off as arrogant. I can't love without pulling back. What am I supposed to do.

I know that this makes me human, I know that I'm not above feeling these things. But does it really have to be all the time. When my mother asks how my date went, how could I have the heart to tell her that I hated it despite nothing going wrong. I share the good aspects, because that's what people need. People need to know of the abundant good in the world so that they don't end up like me. But I know of the abundant good, yet I'm still me.

I'm still me. What does that mean. Am I the man that got into one of the most prestigious schools in my field and decided to quit after a year? Am I the kid that told off and abandoned my only true supporter? Am I the kid that beat up someone just for hitting on my girlfriend? Am I the kid that spread a rumor about a girl doing sexual things? Or am I the kid that tried every day to delight his friends despite the shitshow that was storming just behind his eyes. Am I the kid that led his group into their version of greatness. Am I the kid that spent countless hours doing repetitive tasks so that his organization could run smoothly. Am I the man that helps people. I suppose I'm both. But I only share the good, because people only need to know the good that's in me. Or maybe I'm just afraid of what could happen if people knew what I've done.

I am okay. Or at least I will be. In this moment, I'm being thrown around by a self created storm, but I've done this before and come out standing, so I know I will be okay. I have to.

[yanderes-galore]

seen your into rick and morty, i think i have a request up my sleeve ;)

now, a rick prompt of 7. i think it would match him pretty well tbh, and i dont really know what else to request for the show. also make sure not to overwork yourself !

Rick and Morty makes me feral/affectionate. I'd love to. I'm assuming you mean my prompts so I did that. No specific Rick intended.

Sorry for the wrong wait and sorry for making Rick a bit OOC.

Yandere! Rick Sanchez Prompt 7

Pairing: Romantic

"All this blood? It's all for you! Everything I do is all for you!"

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Jealousy, One night stand mentioned, Age gap, Obsession, Murder, Blood, Slight sadism, Kidnapping implied, Mind break due to trauma of murder, Drinking, You're in your 20s, Drug use mentioned, Disregard for life, Forced relationship.

Rick, in his age, thought he had given up being attached to anyone. You could say it’s because of his past, he really doesn’t care. Now Rick is used to getting boozed up and taking strange space drugs while driving he and his grandson into danger. 

He had given up finding anyone to fill the empty hole within him. He was content with just having flings and not really committing to any of them. He was one for parties and avoiding responsibility. 

What was the point, anyway? Nothing mattered to him.

Even when he first met you he still had his usual ideals. He had met you at one of the many parties he partakes in. You came with a friend Rick had invited and decided to see what it was like to attend a party with, well, otherworldly creatures.

You weren’t normally one for parties but your friend was adamant on coming to one hosted by Rick. At the time, you gave in and thought you’d have a good time. You had no idea going to a party would cause Rick to reconsider his ideals.

To put it bluntly, you got a bit out of hand. You had met Rick, a much older man, and greeted him. You mostly tried to stick by your friend but they themselves got too caught up in the mass of bodies. Somehow, with a few drinks, you found yourself back to Rick.

You weren’t sure why you came back to him, your mind is still fuzzy on the details. You can barely remember what he said yet you did remember downing some drinks with him. When drunk, he was funny. Strangely… flirty, too. 

You learned from your friend afterwards that’s just how Rick was. He got drunk with other people, had a one night stand with them, then continued on with his life. You recall at first being opposed to his advances, due to the age gap between the two of you. Although… you were in your 20s. What’s wrong with trying something new?

You clearly weren’t thinking straight, the alcohol shutting off your most basic brain functions. However, you faintly remember events of the first night you met Rick. You had given into one of his advances, next thing you know, you were in bed.

Next to him.

You heavily regret what you did that night now. Especially when you find out it leads to your misfortune later on. Before you drank with Rick, you had failed to realize just how dangerous he is. He’s a wanted space criminal, an incredibly intelligent space criminal with access to the strongest technology known and not known to man.

You’d think this would all be one fling. Just one night where you happened to be in bed with a man such as him while drunk. Even Rick himself thought you were just a one time thing.

Then he kept thinking about you. He kept thinking of your warmth and your laughter. Sure, you were both drunk and got a bit frisky. He hates the fact he keeps thinking back to you so frequently….

Loneliness was not a new emotion to him. He felt it all the time. Though when he woke up to you, it’s like it wasn’t even there. Then it hit him again like a ton of bricks when your friend had to drag you out the bed to go home. 

He spent nights thinking of you. He even curses his drunk self for not getting your number at the time. Oh well, he has the means to get it whenever he’s ready to. You want to question it when he eventually does get your number, though you were really out of it that night.

Was it really all that wrong of him to want to see you again? You made him feel something he hasn’t felt in years, ever since the incident with Diane….

The more he thinks of you, the more his obsession grows. He tries to ease his yearning by texting or calling you. You try to keep it short, unfortunately, upsetting him greatly….

“It’s awkward, Rick. Even being friends or just acquaintances is strange after what we did-”

Why did you have to be like this? Even when he said he’d do anything for a chance, you still turned it down. You drive him into a desperate state of mind and refuse him, did you like to watch him suffer?

He hates how you make him feel so whole but neglect giving him another taste. Didn't you say yourself you wanted to try something new? He remembers you did, so why back out now? His mind is twisted with the thought of you.

You drive him insane.

While he may still think life is meaningless and cruel, there’s some things within it that aren’t all that bad. Like you, even if you do torture him by not wishing to take things between you even further. Things like this must take time.

Although, Rick is an impatient man. 

Someone as impatient as him, tend to do irrational things.

Murder was nothing new to Rick. If things went wrong here, who says he can’t just go to another dimension to fix things? He didn’t have to do any of this, though why does it matter? 

Even if it means bloodshed, he’s willing to do anything for you since you make him feel so… anxious and excited.

"All this blood? It's all for you! Everything I do is all for you!"

Some sadistic part of him thinks your fear is cute. The fact you stare at him with regret pains him, yet it’ll change soon. You’re just a bit frightened by all the blood. He picked the most brutal weapon to prove a point….

It’s been months since you two first met. You barely talked in person, though texts and calls were frequent. It irritated him how you’d spend more time with the friend that took you to the party instead of him, the guy you spent the night with.

He should be thanking your friend for introducing you, although jealousy does not give you a rational mind. Getting rid of them satiated his jealous thoughts much more than anything else. Plus, it reassured him you’d be alone without him.

“Rick, what is this all about!?”

“Taking you home, baby.”

“Hell no, stay away from me- There’s… so much blood-”

“What did you even see in them, (Y/N)... not like they put up much of a fight.”

“We were together… ONE time, Rick. We partied a bit too hard, that’s all. What has gotten into you? How did you even know where I live!?”

“We can talk about that in time. Look, you’ve made me feel strange these last couple months and it’s made me go crazy. That friend of yours certainly wasn’t helping.”

“Don’t hurt me….”

“Woah- wasn’t planning on it, honey. Honestly… you really should’ve known who you were getting involved with before we did what we did.”

He grins, holstering the weapon he used to kill your friend in front of you with. You were just hanging out…. What have you done?

“Too late to change things now. Now you got me to deal with.”

“Do you think this is funny?”

“I can assure you I’m serious this time.”

You look at him in disbelief, still being defensive. Rick was a madman…. A lunatic who you were a fool enough to engage with.

“(Y/N)... we can do this in a number of ways. You could come willingly, for that I’d at least clean things up and wipe your mind of this memory. Or… you could fight me and I let you keep this memory and just use some other brainwashing technique. There’s really only one option when it comes to me.”

You’re shaking, looking one last time at the body on the floor and back to Rick. The smell of blood is heavy in your nose and your fear increases when it looks like Rick’s impatient. 

Foolishly, months ago, you wanted to try something new….

What choice did you have now?

“... Okay, Rick…”

You keep your gaze on him, standing up. You then feel yourself laugh at the irony of your next sentence, truly losing it at the death of your friend.

“What’s the harm in trying something new?”