#so much to write but idk where to go haha
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schoenpepper · 2 days ago
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Hi teh needing some all time comfort so can I request for Trey, Jade and Floyd where their S/O got injured? Like sprained their ankle or something. Or broke their toe nail from taekwando because they had a miscalculation kick🙂
(Totally did not happen to me haha)
It Hurts, Doesn't It?
Warnings: bad writing, awful grammar, not proofread, trey's is suggestive kyahhh idk what i wrote for him
A/N: Sige beh para sayo <3 HAHAHAHAAHAHA unahin ko req mo kasi kawawa ka naman pagbibigyan na kita. My phone died and it ain't charging on any cable so I'm gonna cry haha goodnight good morning good afterevening
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Trey's hands are warm and gentle, massaging your ankle with practiced motions. "You uh, do this often?" you wince when he rolls it a bit too much to the left.
"Too much. Children are clumsy."
"I'm not a child."
He shoots you an unimpressed look over the top of his glasses, his fingers slowly pressing on the spots that make you hiss and thrash under his touch. "Stay still or it won't get any better."
"Okay," you pout, "big brother."
There's something dangerous in his honey dipped eyes that makes you attempt to pull back, but there's just no escaping him when he gently tugs on your leg and makes you lose your balance. "You aren't my sibling," he whispers, "and I am not your brother." You get it, you really do. You nod your head and try to pull back again, but suddenly, his lips are on your skin, pressing light kisses over the painful parts.
"What are you—?!"
"I wouldn't do this for my siblings," Trey's kisses slowly continue to climb up your leg, "so don't call me that again."
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Floyd thinks the situation is funny, so he pokes and prods at the reddened skin on your ankle while laughing. "Shrimpy, how'd you manage to do that? Did you trip over yourself?" You know better than to regale him of your sad tale, so you purse your lips and pull your leg away from his restless hands.
"Floyd, it hurts. Cut it out please."
He frowns and leans in closer. You lean back against the bench, trying not to move your foot too quickly when he's closing in the distance without leaving you any chance to breathe. "But you promised to spend today with me. You can't back out on your promises."
You shake your head. "Nothing I can do, Floydie. I can't play with you when I can barely even walk."
"You can't walk, shrimpy?" you're suddenly hoisted up into his arms, "I'll carry ya'."
"Floyd! Put me down, please!"
He shakes his head and runs off, forcing you to wrap your arms around him for support.
"Nah, don't feel like it. Let's go play in Azul's office!"
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Jade regards your ankle with his typical smile that betrays nothing of his true thoughts, slowly rubbing the area in a rhythm that almost lulls you to sleep. His gloves are tucked on your lap, his hat sloping down on your head almost covering your eyes. "Still," he speaks in a soft, low tone, "it is rather impressive you could injure yourself in such a situation."
Translation: That was dumb. How the fuck did you get hurt like that?
You give him a sheepish smile, pulling up the brim of the hat so that your view of his pretty face, all tense with the slightest tinge of worry, is unimpeded. "Thank you for helping, Jade."
"Of course. It's not as if I'm doing it for free."
Well, you should have expected it already. Octavinelle's brand of benevolence is often expensive. Your hands subconsciously fiddle with the satin of his gloves. "Of course, what do you want?"
His smile turns a little more genuine.
"And I could ask anything of you?"
You grimace. "Within reason."
"Then perhaps," his tone is a bit breathier when he gets closer to you, "a kiss for your knight in shining armor?"
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Taglist:
@yummyyummyinmytumny @fsh1 @lemon-koii
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wikiangela · 7 months ago
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fuck it friday
tagged by @tizniz @bidisasterbuckdiaz @honestlydarkprincess 💖💖
still on my bucktommy bs, I'll be back to buddie but i'm too obsessed with tommy/lou to think about anything else rn lol
so here's a bit of something short I'm wiriting for 7x05 from tommy's pov, idk what this is, what it's gonna be, but I wanna finish it tonight or maybe by the end of the weekend so posting it here to motivate myself and also tell me what y'all think bc the more i reread all of it the more i doubt myself lol
___
It took him some time, plus a lot of self-reflection and just taking it one step at a time, letting himself look at other men, this time consciously and sometimes deliberately, noticing how hot they are, how they make him feel. He let himself feel how they make him feel. It took a minute to stop feeling guilty and ashamed, and to rework all those internalized prejudices that had been ingrained in him his whole life.
He gave himself time, a lot of time, started with just chatting with guys on dating apps, later got the courage for some casual dates, and when he met the man who would be his first actual boyfriend, his first gay relationship, that he genuinely liked, he felt ready to pursue that. It didn’t work out then, that’s just life, but it was a good relationship, because he was ready for it. Now he feels settled and comfortable with himself, feels confident, and knows what he wants. And he wants- he wants love. He doesn’t want to put any pressure on any relationship he might start, but ultimately, that’s the goal. Love. 
He really doesn’t mind being this first to Evan. He likes Evan. He has those bright blue eyes that seem to shine their own light, and that wide, excited smile that makes it impossible not to smile back, with that adorable dimple accompanying it, that makes Tommy melt a little every time he sees it. Plus, those perfect, kissable lips he can’t wait to taste again, and the distinctive birthmark just adding to the charm. And he’s big and strong and so hot, too. And he’s just so nice, and so adorable and endearing, and he’s so easy to talk to. Tommy just wants to keep getting to know him, spend time with him, develop this relationship and see where it can go. And with any luck, maybe this one could last, could be something real.
The thing is, Tommy is ready for serious. He can take it slow, give Evan time to figure everything out, but he’d also like to know where he stands. He would never want to pressure him to come out before he’s ready, but he also knows he doesn’t want to be anyone’s dirty little secret. Been there, done that.
Still, he would be fine with keeping it just to him and Evan for now, for as long as Evan needs. But then…
___
no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @thebravebitch @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @watchyourbuck @eowon @loserdiaz @evanbegins @ladydorian05 @wildlife4life @diazpatcher @lover-of-mine @monsterrae1 @thewolvesof1998 @neverevan @weewootruck @loveyouanyway @spagheddiediaz @rainbow-nerdss @epicbuddieficrecs @pirrusstuff @spotsandsocks @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @nmcggg @rogerzsteven @giddyupbuck @sunshinediaz @underwater-ninja-13 @exhuastedpigeon @911-on-abc @jesuisici33 @steadfastsaturnsrings @theotherbuckley @buddieswhvre @dangerpronebuddie @diazsdimples @fortheloveofbuddie @hoodie-buck @your-catfish-friend @hippolotamus @daffi-990
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deamare · 4 months ago
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Two armored guards are your escorts into another man's throne room. Grand doors are pushed open and, atop the greatest of his war spoils, sits your father.
You do not remember the last time he called upon you-- it has always been your brother's name that he favored on his tongue, your brother that he preferred to look upon. As a child you would be sad when he would look at you with eyes empty where pride should have been.
Now, only so few years into adulthood, you are trained to swallow that sadness when his gaze lands on you and sours. When you recognize that he is searching for someone else, that you have been called only as a replacement.
"Father," you practice the same curtsey you might have given the Emperor, and you do not meet his gaze when you rise, "you called for me?
The rebel army is nearing.
You should not be surprised. He is angry, he is furious and it has made his voice sharp and cruel where it commands you. He wants your protection-- needs it-- and you feel your heartbeat heavy in your throat. He has not called upon his daughter.
He has called upon a soldier.
( Were you ever anything else to him? )
"Father..." He is looking at you. He is looking through you. You remind yourself not to be sad, not to be angry. You are better than girls who cry when they are struck, you do not hurt when the knife's edge twists. You are stronger. "What match are rebels to you? House Friege does not fear any petty army, this is not-"
But you see it in his face before he can open his mouth to say it. They took from him something, and you know what by the fact that it is you standing here and not him.
They've killed your brother.
Your brow pinches, the floor seems to blur and distort as those words wash over you. Ishtore, a stranger to you at the end of his life, never to be anything else. All of the things you never got to know of him, all of the years you lived so close to him and yet still so far.
And this is how you learn of his end.
You're all I have left.
You lift your chin, because you are used to having no time for grief. It will come for you later if death does not first, it will haunt you when sleep cannot, and follow you when it can. You look at him, the man you call Father, and remind yourself that there has never been a choice.
That you love him.
That you will die for him, and you always would have.
"I understand."
And he does not look proud or grateful, he does not look fond of his only true daughter. He looks expectant, as any commander would in the face of a soldier they intend to sacrifice. You remind yourself once more that Father is kind, that Father loves you. That Father is only grieving, that when this is all over you may mourn together and be a family again.
( Were you ever one before? )
"I will handle them, Father. I make only one request."
You wait for him to acknowledge you, to gesture for you to continue, but he does not. You swallow.
"I should wish to wield our Mjölnir, so that I may best protect you. With it, I will have no issue taking care of this threat."
The words sound confident, well rehearsed, but you do not believe in them. They are what you know you should ask, another step towards a cause you will die for only because you know no other. Father seems to see you then, finally, for the first time since you came before him.
Fine.
Just don't slip up.
And that is it. That is all he has to say to you. No wish for your safety, no thanks for your bravery. It would hurt more, perhaps, if you did not know better than to expect anything else.
You dip into another curtsey. This has been a dismissal, it will not be some noble change of hands that delivers you your blood's proudest possession. It will not be yours, just as the power you wield never has been.
You have always been someone else's to command.
"I will not."
But Father does not hear you. He does not care.
And it will be the last time you ever see him.
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ssreeder · 9 months ago
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Hi pook 😢 ( sorry if u don’t like the nickname) but I’ve been reading your series and I am reading Into the Fire (chapter 8) and I’m just wondering why you made Sokka give in so easily when people tell him to control himself that’s not Zuko. Because I would imagine that he would be more stubborn and more focused on what he wants instead of being caring. Even though he’s a caring and kind person I feel like being in prison would make him more selfish and less understanding of other people if than makes sense 😭
Like it just aggravates me when I see Katara try to idk really baby him and control him a bit (not mentally) it just kind of annoys me. Because even though Sokka loves his Sister I feel like he shouldn’t listen to her for real.
But that’s just me because that’s my opinion coming from someone behind has anger issues/ gets angry easily 🤷‍♀️
I love love love this series btw!!!!
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I added your other ask too so I could respond to both! Hiiii hellooooo I don’t mind nicknames it’s actually nice because then I can keep anons apart haha
as for your comment about sokka I gotta say you’re probably the first person to tell me sokka isn’t angry enough haha. Which is fine because everyone’s allowed to have their own opinions, but my thoughts on LIAB angry sokka is his intelligence is often battling his emotions. I think sokka is smart enough to know he isn’t supposed to be lashing out at people the way he is or clinging to Zuko so tightly to where they both can’t breathe. i also think he is desperate to be back to his “old self” without actually wanting to be his old self. I do think he is fighting his path to healing every step of the way but even with all the time spent in prison he is still SOKKA. He cares for people he loves his family and he knows from watching his parents growing up what a healthy relationship looks like - his codependency to zuko is probably not it. I doubt it will change much, but when people tell him ‘you need to chill’ Sokka is very much like I FUCKING KNOW BUT I HAVE NO CHILL!!! NONE! ZERO CHILL.
but I can’t imagine sokka wanting to hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it. Or fighting his friends and family to isolate himself anymore than he already is. I have learned that writing a more emotionally triggering fic does stir up emotions in people and causes them to project onto the characters a bit which is fine but everyone processing trauma differently. & sokka is doing it his own way just like zuko is.
Also…. This is a fanfic and I don’t know if people wanna read sokka being a raging asshole for 50k… so some of the realism in healing gets lost to word count because unfortunately I can’t spend years and 1000k helping these boys overcome their trauma so some of it has to be rushed a little for word count / plot purposes haha.
Liiiiiiisten here pooki-anon you come yell at me anytime about liab I’ll be right here to soak up every word! Thanks for the ask I’m glad you’re enjoying the series!!
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cerealmonster15 · 11 months ago
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life is like a metronome sometimes I reread my fics and go “heehee silly fun times” and other times I can’t get past 3 sentences with out going “NO this is CRINGE and BAD everyone that has ever said something nice about my work is a LIAR and an ENABLER and just FEELS BAD FOR ME” actually that says less about life and More about My Issues I think 🤔
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that-was-anticlimactic · 2 years ago
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no one asked bUT imma go off (affectionate) anyways. ahem:
edse (practicum): portfolio is completed, did portfolio presentation this morning, blog is updated, have all the rubrics... DONE
347: major identity essay? done. final “essay”? done. just gotta go to class tomorrow so we can meet for the final exam time slot and we are going to. talk about books. no more assignments, yay!
395: edtpa? DONE. reflection? DONE. self-evaluation for edtpa? DONE. now, all i have to do is edit edtpa and then submit it for like Official grading and not class grading
405: presentation? made and presented. revision portfolio and reflection? DONE (finished it like fifteen minutes ago lol)
444: giant research paper? DONE. reflection? done. presentation? DONE. just gotta go to the final exam period thursday to watch the rest of the presentations, but no more work for meeeeeeee
and then finally... 305... the only final i actually have left...
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hecksupremechips · 7 months ago
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Actually cry so goddamn hard when I think about Shinjiro Aragaki healing and being loved and having to learn to be okay with himself and being taken care of
#writing him has just been like. OOOOWOEOEOEOOE i piss tears i cant handle this shit this gay ass shit#i came up with an idea for just like a cute short one shot i wanna do soon and hnnnghh im so emo about it#very healing its like very hard to write some of the shit im gonna be writing cuz basically#some of it is just a little too real man and while i crave the angst and the drama i am just like#AND THEN EVERYONE HOLDS HANDS AND ITS OKAY PLEASE DONT CRY PLEASE#and ive mentioned how shinji has accidentally become nb to me now because i just kinda happened to write him that way without meaning to#and now another thing im noticing is that in my fic hes kinda bpd coded#it definitely wasnt intentional but now im accepting it as truth no one can stop me#i just really need him to be happy its more important to me than anything else man i need it for me#and he needs to be gay with aki they need to kissy and i think its funny cuz even in the parts where shinji is mad at aki and pushing him#away its like. he kinda has it bad lol and its clear he feels no actual hatred towards aki but more just self deprecation because he doesnt#feel good enough and like idk i just think about their respective roles in society like#aki is an honor student star boxer hero very attractive very kind very popular got adopted by a rich family#hes going places you know meanwhile shinji is a drop out who never had a family ever hes homeless hes sketchy hes on drugs#his reputation couldnt be any worse and he just leans into it and feels he has no future and hes worthless garbage#and aki could literally have anyone he wants you know he has an army of girls pining over him but he doesnt want them#HE WANTS SHINJI AND NO ONE ELSE HE SPENDS YEARS CHASING AFTER HIM#and shinji HATES it hes trying so hard to push him away and be the crusty delinquent and make aki see how worthless he really is#but aki just doesnt stop he loves him so much makes me sick SICK#and shinji really loves him back hes like not gonna shut up ever about aki hes like either doing it in a gay ass annoyed way#or hes like ‘haha omg aki is so cute though hes always trying so hard to be tough but hes just so sweet and gentle you know i hope he#doesnt push himself too hard if he got hurt id fall apart hes so silly i hope hes eating good i desire him carnally’#yeah sorry gamers this is just a pairing i cant be normal about they mean so much to me personally the fate of the world rests upon them
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magicalgirlmascot · 2 years ago
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getting back into writing Bionicle fanfiction again and rereading some of the books has really made me realize just how much of an influence the Bionicle books had on my writing style and sense of humour growing up goddamn
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peapod20001 · 1 year ago
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I actually do have very complex thoughts about many different things, it’s just a bit challenging to connect the inner voice to the outer voice sometimes </3
#random post#I have SO many thoughts and ideas. I love to create and I love to build on what I have and I like to connect to existing things#there is lots of oc lore in my brain! it graces my blog sometimes. not always. it’s hard to put abstract feeling and thought into words#and it’s challenging trying to find the best place to start talking about things yknow? like I as the creator of this whole unique universe#pretty much already know how things end up. how they’re going. how it started. some are easier to know than others. but that doesn’t stop me#from trying create for it. or searching for the missing piece to start the domino effect of development and fulfillment#it’s hard to see where the pieces fit sometimes. but getting a new angle or changing something about the piece can make finding where it#belongs easier. this is what I mean when I say I have very intricate and complicated thoughts. not spending too long writing my sentences or#overthinking them helps to keep things as they are in my head. since I’m not filtering them into something almost unrecognizable#writing a paper in a single sitting in a set time really helps me produce a unified and intricate product. I’ve been told I write well#which I find mildly humorous. I’ve never been a writer by choice really. I’m an artist that works with a physical visual piece rather than#letters that convey meaning. I’m more of a thinker than a writer. but in some instances they’re one in the same. I’m rambling but y’all know#that about me by now I’m sure hahagahaha. yea. my OCD makes me spend too long on words and that’s why I always talk in a short way#a more simplistic way. leaves less room for the mind to pick out flaws if everything is flawed on purpose yknow? haha yea. I like me yknow?#and other people like me too! that will never cease to surprise and amaze me haha. I’m one of those people that has an easier time with#people different from themselves. the people I’ve known and spoke to throughout my life are so very different from me. but they all feel#comfortable to share their experience with me. a lot of these people on paper would be ones I’d try to avoid I guess. differing opinions and#world views yknow? but the way I am. gives people comfort I’ve found. I’m not bragging about that it’s just interesting. it’s the same with#my whole household like we meet people that are like. idk a good descriptor but they’re very set in a specific way. and then we just?? they#like us?? idk it’s just funny to think about my dad getting along with legit crazy people or my mom being the person who’s the favorite of#the least liked / polite person in the office. or my brother and sister being very well liked in their schools but are just average students#who aren’t trying to be more than kind. or when I as myself. with the thoughts and opinions I have. am able to get along with anyone I#come across. I’m really not trying to be bright about that I’m just an. empath? I guess? I’m just very nice to people and meet them at their#level and don’t try steering the conversation to smth bad or controversial. but even then people will still talk to me and like me cus I’m#not putting them down or hating on them for how they think and feel. I listen. I can understand them. not agreeing with their views doesn’t#mean I can’t get why people think or feel how they do. I try to not be biased or entirely antagonist to things different than me#I’ve gone my whole life not understanding a lot of things. and over time I’ve learned them. I go into experiences with people like that#I may not understand yet. but I’ll learn to. that’s probably the main reason why people feel comfortable around me. that and also I have#a smile pretty much always lol. I’m small and non threatening lookin with a single dimple on the cheek and eyes so dark you could see the#faintest light reflected in them. anyways I have gone into several different directions with this and kinda lost the main point I was making
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faedotexe · 2 months ago
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So i'm working on a tiny roll & write about being a giant dragonness and conquering the land and burninating the countryside and uh I'm kind of trying to make """"""art""""" for it lmao
chat is this cringe
#print and play#boardgames#also the base concept for this game was “fuck it today im making monopoly but good”#and uh it's kind of moving away from monopoly pretty fast#but im content knowing that the base structure of it still was an inspiration#like how can i take this dreadful gameplay and pump as much decision making into it as i can#and i did#well im saying monopoly but good but the first playtest wasnt that good honestly#it wasnt bad but it wasnt like ENGROSSING#idk the roll and write about fishing i did last week was a bit MORE#but also they're not on the same scale games kinda#but also also i think the next version is going to be really nice actually#but i kinda got sidetracked uhhhhhhh#i just hope i dont have to throw all of this graphic work to the garbage#haha that never happens i never EVER get sidetracked and work too hard on visuals before i should#no but actually the playtest felt kinda close to good so im half confident that the changes im making will get it where i want it to be#its not a huge project anyways#like i started working on it friday i think#but i kept getting sidetracked i havent been efficient since thursday i think#well by sidetracked i mean setting up this tumblr#which is kind of also work if i want to try to have a Social Media Presence#well anyways i'm trying to find an artstyle that i can do with just a mouse and being Not Proficient At Art#and also one that works well with vector graphics because i'm already using illustrator for everything kind of#i could also maybe do pixel art i guess but it's so much more work idk#also im way too new at pixel art#this just feels like the natural next step after having been making icons for years and years#and by years and years i mean like four years#i think idk time flies so fucking fast#help#anyways
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gazeboarcade · 6 months ago
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hmmmmm just some ideas
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lovecrazedpup · 9 months ago
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i dont want to sleep
#im like a toddler LMAO throwing things around my room bc im so fucking angry and upset#(im throwing a plushie into my bed but still)#i genuinely think i want to breakup like idk this isnt even a joke or looking for reassurance anymore#like maybe im weird for thinking abt a long term relationship and marriage at 18 but ....#we arent ? very compatible ? long term ?#its unfair to him if i keep this going considering hes a bit older than me yk#nvm im writing this out and im crying maybe i DONT want to break up#im tired of overthinking and obsessing over everything . im tired of seeing him as better than me and perfect . i want to be equals#i just want to be normal and to be in a normal relationship where we do normal things#i just want support i want love i want literally ANYONE to tell me that im ok and that im loveable#i hate our stupid time difference and his stupid job i wish i was like this earlier on in the day it is AWFUL being alone#my head hurts and my throat hurts and i hurt#i want to scream and cut and stab someone#i fucking hate her#so much#shes a fucking bitch i wish i could kill her . like genuinely . i want to pull out her teeth lmao if she didnt exist id be happier#GOD i want to stop comparing myself to her and thinking abt them together but ill always be a second experience and its depressing#'youll be my first for anal' yeah great bc thats exactly what i want to fucking hear#not doing much to stop the 'you only want me for sex' thoughts but YEP GREAT THANKS#me : pouring my heart out and trying to say what im thinking !! him : haha yeah sex ! oh also have some inspirational quotes#god just kill me . get me out . i dont want to be here . i dont want to think abt him. i dont want to talk abt him .#i wish we never fucking met ! i wish i never picked up that stupid game#i dont want to lose you though#i hate how attached to him i am . why did you start talking to me again .#shouldve fucking forgotten me while youre fucking your friends and getting high up north island#cant say shit to him though bc itll be the end and ill probably kill myself bc i unfortunately live for him#its over when we meet anyways lol so i got ? 2 months ? 3 months ? of happiness before its gone#i think im gonna do smth bad but i doubt he would care at all . would probably be happy if i die or ghost him .#gives him an excuse to talk to his friends again lol . its so over for me#jamie.txt
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astrxealis · 10 months ago
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on a whim and in spite of my responsibilities i have started on making a whole 9 chapter self-indulgent fic for mr. grim reaper from the hit game 'a date with death'
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#haha... so quickly did i finish the game and all endings and achievements.....#started at 3 am on a school day :)) damn.#so i have a lot of thoughts and things to say but writing is tiring so i will just say. fuck me. fuck hell. fuck all. oh god.#...so i have a big thing for white-haired fictional guys w/ red hair. at the top of my head i can think of two vampires and one grim reaper!#haha. oops.#then there is an angel... a ghoul... and idk what the fuck to call him but he isn't a normal guy.#and there's more. but. i cannot recall at the moment. uh. anyway!#wowed tbh bcs this game got me my inspiration to write for myself back....... and also to write for others. and also to write in general.#even as i yet procrastinate on something i am actually required to write! two of those#actually so uhm haha rip!!!!! but it's fun at least. writing :3#i like having a sense of dread creeping up on me bcs when i have nothing needed to do i feel empty... gotta improve that.....#idk what game to play now tho. sigh. haven't played undertale in a bit even as i am trying to finish it and idk where i left off <//3#omori... i am just Scared..... but will finish that alongside undertale!#currently playing persona 4 golden actually but bit tiring going through my routine of having to use my dad's laptop bcs i own a macbook he#owns a whole ass gaming windows laptop so. yeah. uhh genshin is on to grinding again so i'm sick of that. uhhh.#ffxiv..!!! i am avoiding it rn for the sake of my sanity bcs i love that game too much. in a good healthy way but also it takes up#everything i have in me so i have to. prepare for it. oops.#the recent news tho... i am trying not to perceive so i don't go insane.....#oh. i could read books. but i want to make a bunch of notes and uh that is Something indeed! bcs i am currently reading classics +#nonfiction ... science or philosophical books..... and there's rereading pjo. :)) fun
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foxgloveinspace · 10 months ago
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I have already given Sam my adhd, but should I go ahead and give him my new interest in film photography? cause I am giving him so many opportunities to take really good pics, but hey... he doesn't take pictures
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mad-hunts · 21 days ago
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the relationship that jack had forged with his father was different than the others in ways he couldn't explain. for example, in comparison to matilda whom always seemed to be hyperaware of where her and barton stood, jack felt like he never quite knew where he quote unquote 'was' with his own caretaker — leading to these issues he had with attachment that a therapist long ago once told him were likely due to the fact he grew up in such an unstable environment.
but flying the coop, though it sometimes seemed appealing, was not something jack felt like he could do. because despite everything that barton had put him and their family through, jack felt this strong sense of loyalty to the rest of his siblings as well as to his father. and its not like he had a stable job at the moment; he was trying to secure a spot with a ballet company, after all, which was his true dream. but jack was working part-time as a lifeguard in between all of his classes and ballet related events.
which actually wasn't that bad of a job all things considered. it reminded him at first of how, after julien had died, he'd been afraid of the ocean for several years however. it was like jack's heart was on overdrive even around small bodies of water back then. so developing the strength to overcome this fear was probably the best thing for jack. and considering what had happened to gotham in recent events (with the riddler flooding the city), it made him think about how lucky he was to have done so before that all occurred.
i mean, could you imagine what it would've been like if jack still had thalassophobia with the flood suddenly hitting gotham like it did? lets just say, jack was grateful that jervis filled up some of the silence in the room right after he was burdened with that train of thought. a lopsided smile spread across his lips at jervis's approving comments about colin. jack had actually been keeping the fact he had a boyfriend a secret from his father, for fear that barton would take one look at colin and tell him 'no.'
therefore, it felt good to hear that from someone. the only thing he uttered was a soft 'yeah' in response to that as his eyes darted to jervis's moving hand, ❝ okay. do you like your eggs scrambled, or sunny-side up? and do you want just butter on the bread or is strawberry jam also good with you? ❞ that, as far as he could remember, was the only type they had in the fridge. jack kept his gaze on the cards as jervis spoke now, but let him know he was listening by nodding to what the other was saying.
❝ well, i'd definitely say it's a process. but you know what's funny? i don't know if you believe in any sort of afterlife but... ❞ and that was where barton had cut in, standing at the doorway as if he was waiting to be invited in like a vampire. and trust me when i say the doctor knew that jervis was probably not thrilled to see him. for, not even barton's own son looked to be eager to see him, but maybe that was just because jack knew the two held a general distaste for one another? barton didn't know but he waited in silence in any case for the farceur to leave the room with the medicine he'd given jervis.
he stepped in then only to reveal that, although he wasn't in dire straits anymore, he was still hooked up to an IV on a pole: which was a humble reminder to barton that his degree of brain swelling couldn't go away on its own. though, he wished it could. the expression on his face when jervis spoke to him said all that needed to be said: barton didn't believe for a second that the other meant that. ❝ no, you want to see me burn in hell, don't you? the least you can do is be honest about it. ❞
he stated this in a very 'matter-of-fact' tone, as if the thought of someone hating him that much didn't affect him. an incredulous chuckle left barton's mouth afterward, though, and that wasn't nothing. he slowly but surely used that IV pole as leverage to drag himself over to the cabinet next to jervis's bedside. opening the bottom drawer revealed old clothes of barton's within it, ❝ ravi, the man you met down at the bistro we went to earlier today? he called me, and he immediately asked me if i was in some form of trouble. because ravi told me he had to lie to the cops about us being at the bistro. ❞
barton pulled out a clean shirt to replace his dirty and bloodied one with before turning to face jervis, ❝ and i thought we were in enough trouble already, but marty, the guy i killed was apparently the son of a police captain. meaning those pigs in the GCPD might not actually stop until they find us. so i might need your help with creating a very... elaborate plan to kill him. ❞
Poor Jack's anxiety was written all over his face and body language. Despite his efforts to appear calm and reassuring, Jervis could sense the strain beneath the surface. Though he disliked Barton, he couldn't bring himself to be indifferent. It wasn’t in his nature to ignore someone else's pain, and the last four hours must have been brutal for the Mathis siblings.
A part of Jervis was still ashamed that he had even lost consciousness under the physical and mental strain, sinking into the depths of his mind like something swept away by the Lethe’s currents—except, unlike the myth, Jervis couldn’t forget. His past, fractured as it was, stayed with him. And as much as his memories pained him, Jervis refused to let them go. Forgetting Alice and Sylvie would be like losing them all over again. That was unbearable.
A shiver ran down his spine at the thought, and his hand instinctively reached for the chain beneath his collar, rolling his and Sylvie’s wedding rings like rings on an astrolabe.
He wasn't a fool. Jervis knew this was a difficult situation they had dragged Jack and Matilda into, and he felt sorry for both. But his empathy ran deepest for Jack. He didn’t know the young man well, but there was an unmistakable connection—a shared understanding, almost like neurons firing in unison. What had Sylvie once told him? Something about fungal hyphae—that they could sense their environment, responding to the slightest change. They weren’t like staid, immobile plants, she had said. Hyphae were dynamic, constantly adapting to their surroundings.
Even all these years, Jervis could still hear her voice, vividly recall the way her eyes lit up when she spoke of such things. "They feel their way through the world," she'd explained, with that endearing mixture of fascination and tenderness he had grown to love so well. "They detect ridges and surfaces, change their shape to fit. They know how to survive, how to grow, even in the strangest conditions."
It had stuck with him, the way she saw life in things most people overlooked. Jervis laid there, nodding faintly as Jack's voice washed over him; the parallel trains of thought made him pause. Maybe grief was like that too—constantly adapting, reshaping itself to fit the cracks in your soul.
Jervis’ hand loosened on the chain as he looked over at Jack, the faint clink of the rings barely audible as they slid along the silver links. He nodded slowly, his gaze dropping briefly. "Yeah... She was everything," he said quietly, almost to himself. His voice wavered, caught between the here and now and somewhere else entirely; hoarse but steadying. "Accepted every part of me, even the worst parts." His fingers tightened again, this time more gently, as if grounding himself.
Behind Jack, Sylvie was seated on the floor, legs folded casually beneath her. She tilted her head, a knowing smile playing on her lips. "You always were too hard on yourself," she murmured, her tone light.
Jervis' breath hitched, his eyes briefly closing before refocusing on Jack. "You and Colin—he sounds good for you. Someone who keeps you on your toes, makes life richer." He paused, blinking slowly as though waking from a dream. "That’s… important."
Sylvie stood now, a faint shimmer at the edge of his vision, her fingers brushing lightly against his arm as she passed. "I’m still here, you know." Her voice was soft, steady. "You called me."
Jervis swallowed hard, his hand instinctively reaching for the space where her touch lingered before dropping back to his side on the mattress. "Breakfast for dinner sounds good," he said, almost absently, a quiet smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "I think… I’d like that."
His eyes flicked once more to where Sylvie had been; gone without a trace, but the weight of her presence still lingered like a hint of smoke drifting in the breeze.
"You know…" Jervis started again, the words coming slowly as he glanced back at Jack while he began sifting through the tarot cards. "It's strange. Sometimes you think you’re done… that you’ve made your peace, and then the grief sneaks back up on you. Makes you feel like you’re right back where you started... it's almost enough to drive anyone mad... but it's a process, right?"
The moment shattered with a soft clearing of a throat from the doorway. Jervis tensed, every muscle recoiling. He didn’t need to look up to know who it was. Oh, bloody hell… this bloke, again?
It took everything in him not to snap at Barton to piss off. Irritation surged through his chest, white-hot, but exhaustion won out. He almost couldn’t bring himself to react, in all honesty, the weariness in his bones outweighing the anger... You’re like a damn cockroach… he thought, half-bitter, half-bemused. Terribly rude of you to interrupt.
"Hey, citrouille," Barton said casually to Jack. "Mind stepping out for a minute? I need to talk to Jervis."
Jack hesitated, glancing between his father and Jervis, but eventually rose. Barton patted him on the shoulder, tone light, as if unaware—or possibly indifferent—to the tension in the air.
As Jack left, Barton held up his phone, waving it in front of Jervis. "I just got an interesting phone call I thought you might want to hear about."
Jervis exhaled, met Barton’s gaze. It took every ounce of flagging willpower not to tell him exactly where he could stick his ‘interesting’ call. Sylvie’s presence slipped further from his mind, swallowed by the suffocating weight of Barton’s intrusion.
He forced a tired smile, his voice flat. "Glad to see you back on your feet," he finally muttered. "At least one of us is standing upright."
#divingdownthehole#tw: mentions of murder.#tw: fear.#AHH okay (': well i'm glad to hear that you're okay with me bringing his bottle blonde meanie-head self back LOL#but you're so welcome!! you seriously deserve to be showered in compliments in my humble opinion for how beautifully you've#been portraying / writing your version of jervis :D but oh no not at all!! i think that everything you've been including in your replies ha#been REALLY good stuff for lack of better words haha. but TBH i totally understand giving your characters a tragic backstory as in-#my opinion even though i hate doing it at the same time... i feel like it makes them more compelling so i can't help it JSJSJ#but yeah i totally understand what you're saying + i'd never accuse you of that! so its all gooddd <33 but aww well i'm just telling you th#truth!!! you are AMAZING at painting pictures in people's minds of what's going on with your jervis (or in mine in this case) and you#deserved to be recognized for that (: but yeahhh gosh. now IDK if this is the right way to look at it but i feel like this might be one#of those situations where if a character knew what would happen in the future then they might've taken the opportunity to rest BUT#you know your jervis best OFC so i'm not going to assume that of him!! but no matter what its pretty much a universal truth that what#he went through was terrible and at the risk of sounding like a broken record... your jervis truly did deserve better 💔#but you're absolutely right. hindsight is everything TBH
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autumnrory · 1 year ago
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sometimes AUs try too hard to make connections to canon and i'm just like this is a different universe you don't always need to use the same dialogue and whatnot sometimes it doesn't fit!
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