#so much of my goals for vegas in particular is vegas getting to just do whatever the hell he wants to do

[snickerdoodlles]

Very Important Question about Vegas's Youtube era: how colorful is his cookware? Did Macau and Chay get him pink and green pineapple patterned mini-muffin trays?

Vegas's kitchen is so colorful. his kitchen looks like a cute kitchen pinterest board threw up all over it. nobody can tell if his aesthetic is retro or industrial or countryside or what, because it's this eclectic mishmash of individually cute instagram worthy things thrown together in a way that almost works but doesn't, because a proper pinterest board is always a hot fucking mess when taken in its entirety.

it first begins with items of whimsy. Macau shows Vegas a picture of a dinosaur ladle, Vegas says "what the fuck is that? father would never allow for those" and that alone manifests 12 of them in his shopping cart. feels very weird about it when they arrive and banishes the box of them to the forgotten corner of a cupboard. then Macau buys Pete his first pineapple jar. and like. it's a pineapple. that's all it is. Pete sticks it in Vegas's kitchen and Vegas is stuck staring at a ceramic pineapple that just looks like a pineapple, unable to figure out why it feels weird. Macau gets Pete a second pineapple jar, except this time it's also an owl face, and Vegas can't figure out why he wishes he was looking at that one instead of the regular pineapple one. he wants to hurl both of them at a wall so hard they leave a dent as they shatter. he wants to put them in a window where they'll be framed as the sun rises on them. he buys a spatula with a bee pattern on a whim all by himself and is so on edge about it for the next two weeks he whips welts onto (a very happy) Pete's back.

over the course of time, all of Vegas's kitchen supplies become items you'd expect to find on pinterest. bird salt and pepper shakers. cutely bland patterned jars labeled COFFEE and TEA. an industrial chic spice rack that sits under his cottagecore herb wall. highly specialized mini pans that make foods in special shapes. so many pastel pots and pans. at first Vegas is always saying stuff like "someone got that for me" or "my father would hate it." but it's not about that. later he's defiantly indifferent and daring about owning them at all. but it's not really about any of that either. it's really just...Vegas letting himself have cute things. things that would be called ~girly~ or ~ruin~ his image. there's actually several items he's just neutral about (like the soft pastel colors--not really his thing tbh! but a good pot is a good pot) or even sometimes dislikes (mini muffin trays = yay!, mini pans that only cook one(1) thing = frustration)-- but like. Vegas is allowed to have them. he's even fine to like them if he wants to. it doesn't matter that he has them. the image they paint of him doesn't matter. and that feeling of just owning cutesy, whimsical, or downright weird kitchen shit as he pleases without it being anything else is its own high for Vegas and his traumas ❤

[atopfourthwall]

Tbh you lament what people say about you and bemoan "harrassment and bullying". Yet you told RLM to "eat a bag of dicks" unprompted. You said Oneyplays "Are assholes, fuck them!". You'll constantly lecture your own fans, angrily yelling at them for asking when new Power Rangers are out, or for giving you simple, solid advice like below. You say youve calmed down in reviews yet still yell at the comic creators over minor stuff. The comments you complain about getting seem tame in comparison.

Okay, first of all I did not tell RLM to "eat a big of dicks" unprompted. What I said was "Eat a dick, jackass" while talking about the Plinkett Reviews in regards to how parts of them have not aged well, in particular the line that I felt was a bit racist - "Black people don't like Star Wars" (to be clear - I don't think anyone at RLM is racist [AFAIK]. The remark itself feels like it is, though, but that's also emblematic of edgier, wince-inducing internet humor from the time - we're all guilty of awful jokes like this to some degree, myself included). Now I ended up removing this line from the Star Wars Prequel reviews compilation because I realized it was needlessly inflammatory towards them and some perceived it as me attempting to star a beef with them… when of course I don't want to start a beef with ANYONE, much less someone much, MUCH more popular than me.

And no, I did not say Oneyplays "Are assholes, fuck them" (unless I said this on Twitter a long while ago). I'm assuming this is in reference to a part of the Fallout: New Vegas streams. Someone in the superchats asked a question relating to them and my other guests didn't know who they are. I proceeded to spend all of 40 seconds calmly explaining (though admittedly with a bit of light irritation) "They're other streamers, one of whom apparently does a GREAT impression of me. They're also responsible for popularizing calling me Lightbringer, soooo… screw 'em." That was it. But apparently "screw 'em" was TOO MUCH for a lot of people, because I got flooded with hate from that - videos made about how I was "TRIGGERED!" and "HAD A MELTDOWN!" Because that was one of the first public times I ever talked about how I wasn't okay with the nickname. We'll circle back around to this in a minute.

"You'll constantly lecture your own fans, angrily yelling at them for asking when new Power Rangers are out-" Aaand right there you prove that you don't actually watch my stuff. You're just repeating the same garbage from people who ALSO don't watch my stuff, but assume I have not changed at all, that I am the same person forever whose opinions don't change, whose attitude doesn't change, never gets better, etc.

Because I haven't been angry at people asking when the next History of Power Rangers is out in ALMOST TEN YEARS.

And the reason I know that number in particular is because I started my Patreon in 2014. The question annoyed me so much because I didn't have an answer for them and it seemed like they didn't care about anything else I did. But then I started my Patreon and one of the Milestone goals was actual release dates for HOPR. And thus since then I've been able to answer when new ones are coming out.

You want to know how NOT angry I am about the question I am now? I put it on t-shirts.

You can buy them at https://atop-the-fourth-wall.creator-spring.com/listing/when-is-hopr?product=2 and https://atop-the-fourth-wall.creator-spring.com/listing/when-is-hopr-03?product=2 (I was going to post pictures of them but Tumblr keeps breaking when I try). There's a third one, but I don't think I put that one back up because it was intended for Shark Robot where colors are limited and it didn't do very well.

But this is a thing that's brought up by people who hate me - my irritation at the question as if it was still something that bothered me because, again, they cannot conceive that maybe I've changed. No, I am cringe forever and there is nothing I can say or do that will satisfy them.

But no, I "lecture people constantly" evidently. People say I'm obsessed about this topic, about the bullying, that I just talk about it soooo much and I can't move on from it and it haunts my every waking moment and that such "simple, solid advice" like "Be okay with being bullied" is met with unreasonable hostility and my mind fixated on it constantly.

Unless of course you actually look at what I post, what I reblog, what I tweet about and then you discover "Oh, he actually only talks about it when people bring it up to him. He only made that thread because he said the harassment is starting to rise up again and that was days and days ago and hasn't said anything about it since. In fact, on this very Tumblr he's only bringing it up again because somebody ELSE is bringing it up, allowing him a chance to further break down why asshole behavior is still asshole behavior.

So let's bring this back to the "screw 'em" thing. You'll notice that in none of these longer rambling statements I've made have I brought them up. Sure, in that 40 seconds during the stream I did… but that was in the middle of the first wave of it where it really WAS affecting me psychologically hard… and I have not talked about them on stream since then. I don't talk about them in these threads. I don't tell my fans to harass them. I don't make up some nickname for them or mock them or do anything other than maybe some frustration at them during the thread a few years ago (and I am explicitly telling my fans not do so - if you want to be an asshole to them, you can fuck off from my fans). Because I don't WANT to talk about them. They can do whatever the hell they want on their streams. They can call me Lightbringer there, make weird memes about me. It's THEIR space to do with as they please.

The problem is entirely that their fans come to MY space to be assholes. To repeat those memes, to bully me and call me the name. Some do it innocently, thinking I'm okay with it (which, again - is who that thread was directed towards)… but there are others who are being assholes about it. And I'm going to call them assholes about it and block them. And I'm still not going to talk about Oney because I don't want to - they're not the ones who are spamming Lightbringer in my chat or comments or trying to find some way of sneaking it into the comments past my comment filters to try to get a gotcha on me. Hell, I've gotten some people who have said they discovered me and love my stuff now BECAUSE Oney talked about me.

And I'd really like to know which recent review you saw where I was specifically attacking creators in the manner you seem to think I did. Because being angry at a plot point or a narrative decision is not the same thing as attacking a creator. I'll freely tell you about the ones I HAVE specifically called out for shittiness - the racist, the homophobic, the sexual harassers, the transphobic, the one that spread misinformation, or just the greedy assholes. But just looking at the list of the last 50+ episodes I've done that maybe… once or twice? And even despite ALL those horrible things, I STILL tell my fans to leave them alone - to not start fights with them, to not send my videos to them, etc. Because I don't want my fans to be bullies, either.

I will end this with one final thing: "The comments you complain about getting seem tame in comparison." Yeah, well, that's because you're you and I'm me. Something that seems innocuous to one person may be deeply triggering for someone else. Something that seems like an innocent joke might actually be really fucking with someone mentally, as it was for me. And that's why I've tried to tell people "Hey, please don't do that." Maybe I do it aggressively. But sometimes that's the only way people will listen. If people are still doing it even after I've expressed how much it harms me - telling me that I should just "get over it" or "let them do it and respond with a laugh" even though I keep saying it DOES affect me, then those people are assholes and I don't see why I should give them the time of day.

Hopefully this lengthy response (I really am a windbag) helps people understand or it clears up some bullshit. And if it's still not good enough for you, then nothing less than complete capitulation to being called Lightbringer is the only thing that will satisfy you… well, fuck off.

[capcollector]

13, 27, & 28 for the Fallout OC asks

((also your art is lovely xoxo - Alias B))

Fallout OC Asks

thank you! i’ll just answer for my big three OCs since no one specific was mentioned

13. What is the most frightening experience they have endured?

i think their respective main game stories counts enough. leon finally finding his dad after such an harrowing journey only to still lose him again. learning to live w that, learning to move on by himself. dealing w the mistakes he’s made. for as friendly and thoughtful and loving as leon is, he’s also an incredibly lonely person at the end of the day. ig it’s in his title, but still. being all alone on the open road for over a decade afterward…i guess that’s why he does his traveling doctor thing, to find and connect w whoever is left.

getting shot in the head was terrifying for alfredo, but truthfully i think it was the waking up that was worse. not being able to remember a thing, only having the clothes on your back and whatever was in your pockets to try to piece yourself back together with. frustrating, scary, isolating. this anger that you know you need to remember but can’t, the fear that maybe you’ll never figure it out and die a nobody.

bunny’s follows similar beats to leon’s, i just realized. not only does she still have to grapple w losing everyone from her old life, but she lost the one thing she thought she could save. and she goes through all that just to find out he’d already died a long time ago. she is able to move on and rebuild, surrounding herself w people she loves and growing a community, but the trauma of that moment in the vault still haunts her. for at least like the first two months after dawn was born she was not letting that baby out of her sight. just in her arms at all times.

27. What faction(s) are they a member of / allied with?

leon’s w no one now! left it all behind to be his own person. just being a traveling doctor ready to help. yet despite his departure, the brotherhood always seems to have a way of creeping back up on him :/

al did not completely join up w any particular faction, throughout his journey trying to keep on as neutral terms w as he could so he could use them when needed. something something would betray any of my loved ones at any time and would not hesitate to hit them w a car. independent vegas bc what else has he got going for him.

bunny sided w the minutemen bc she felt they ultimately had the most of a vision for the future of the commonwealth. she sided w the railroad as well but admittedly felt like she held them back, mainly bc her sole goal was getting her baby back. in the post-canon she and others eventually take out the brotherhood in the area.

28. What faction(s) do they despise?

i feel like i kinda answered this in the last question actually…..but leon’s biggest personal beef is definitely w the brotherhood and the enclave. don’t get him started. talon company also still has bounties on his head so. y’know. al has issues w all of them, but again, he’s not gonna let anyone know that. he needs to do whatever will give him the upper hand. bunny also looks down on the brotherhood but definitely not as much as leon. she just thinks they’re more of a nuisance than anything else, but admittedly she doesn’t have nearly the same history that leon has w them.

[drunkenskunk]

Something in my life switched several years ago, but I didn't realize it at the time it happed. It's only now, looking through the rear view, that I can pinpoint when I started existing in the haze I'm in now.

See, I'm no longer under the delusion that I could have ever achieved any of the goals, dreams, or ambitions I had when I was a child.

Like, you know how when you're a kid, and people ask you what you want to be when you grow up, and other kids say shit like, "I wanna be a firefighter!" "I wanna be an astronaut!" "I'm gonna run for President!" and shit like that?

Well, I wanted to be a filmmaker. I wanted to make movies like my heroes, George Lucas, Steven Spielberg, and James Cameron. George Lucas in particular. I loved Star Wars, and i wanted to do that: I wanted to be the triple threat auteur, the writer/director/producer, taking the ideas and stories in my head and translating them 1 to 1 onto the silver screen!

I had this whole plan, y'know? Go to film school, move to Hollywood, start with small indie films, and work my way up to my end goal of getting the Big Time.

I didn't even clear the first hurdle. Not only did I not get into the university I wanted, I didn't even apply. And to this day, I still have no idea why.

That was the big turning point. Things rather fell apart after that.

I kept setting my sights lower and lower, giving myself "lesser" ambitions, thinking they would be more achievable... and each one still proved too much for me to handle.

I don't remember exactly when I gave up. Like, it wasn't really a specific moment, I don't think. But I'm pretty sure it happened after I finished that New Vegas fanfiction. The fic itself was an experiment: I wanted to prove to myself that I could actually finish a project, because that was something I'd never been able to do. It took me 5 years to finish, and by the end, I had written just shy of a million words. And, it's like... that kind of says it all, doesn't it? Yes, I technically succeeded in my goal of starting a project and then seeing it through to completion. I finished something. That gave me a brief glimmer of misplaced hope, but at the end of the day, I couldn't even crack a million words. It's like... if I'm gonna go for excess, I should've at least followed through. But I didn't.

Either way, I said to myself: "Okay. I finally proved I can finish a project. I'm going to use this experience to write something original, get it published, and maybe I can start a career as an author! I hit a speedbump in my life, sure, but now things are getting back on track!"

Two years passed with nothing to show for it.

After that, it was just... this gradual erosion of my hopes, my dreams, and my every ambition... until I finally got to the point where I fully expected to be dead before I was 35.

And here's the punchline: I'm 36.

I can't even succeed at failure.

So. Here I am.

Just... existing.

I don't dare have any ambition anymore because every ambition of mine has ended in dismal failure. I don't take risks because every time I've taken a risk, it's left me worse off than when I started. I stopped making any long-term plans or goals because I thought I wouldn't be alive to see any of them through... and every day I'm still alive, I'm left wandering around in a sense of "... well, shit. What do I do now?"

No matter what I try, I'm not good enough.

And I am so very tired.

[sunshinemoonrx]

Starhound: April Devlog

I've mentioned the RPGmaker game I'm working on a bit before, and since that's always gonna be pretty slow with me working full-time, I thought it'd be good to keep track of my pace with end-of-the-month progress posts. So! Here's what I've done in April.

(For the record, at the moment I'm actually planning on calling the game "Star Hound Vega", as the [Thing] [Descriptor] [Name] pattern is venerable among tokusatsu and mecha type heroes, but "Starhound" is my name for the setting and stories generally.)

Finished the first dungeon! It took more passes than I thought it would, as it always does, and I'm sure there'll be more tweaks in future, but I have now got to the point where I'm able to play through it and go "wow! that functions as intended without breaking! no notes"

2. Updated some sprites! Previously Vega's and Nemea's were just placeholders, but I've arrived at some that I feel pretty good about and represent them much better. Placeholders on the left, final sprites on the right:

I ended up using the "male" creator for Vega, which I think works great for creating butch women. (I have hemmed and hawed a bit over if I'm being Problematic by doing this as she is also the main trans character, however: I am a trans girl and I can do what I want. In seriousness, it is a bit of wish-fulfilment for me--I wish I could be more butch and masc-styled and be read as "a handsome woman" and not "a man", so Vega's living that dream for me. She's a hunk you get it)

I will definitely still need some kind of custom visuals for Vega's henshin hero suit, and Nemea (and her boss, Princess Ascella) when she appears as an enemy.

3. Diversified the music! So a fun thing about RPGMaker is you think you know the small selection of default assets it gives you, but if you dig around in the installed files there's actually a lot more free assets you can transfer in--from walk sprites and portraits from older versions of RPGMaker, to a whole bunch of extra enemy graphics, to a lot more music. In particular, I found some pretty sweet battle themes so now each boss can have its own! (This all mixed in with something I already grabbed right when I started making this--a pack of specifically old toku style music, which is really great for making it feel appropriately flavoured.)

4. Added a town area! The overworld is pretty limited in this, it's not so much travel as using a small consistent hub/base to rest between dungeons (if sequels happen they'll probably be bigger but I'm trying to keep a lid on the minimum viable product scope ykno), but there are a couple additional areas, so...now we have that!

Got to have some fun populating it with cute characters, which was nice.

5. Started the second dungeon! My main goal this month was to finish the first one, so it's nice to be ahead of schedule.

I've also figured out some really fun gimmicks for this one, so the first dungeon will serve mostly as a backdrop while you're introduced to the game's core mechanics, then this one will step it up and be more showy in its own right. Figuring out stuff like "oh you can have specific enemy encounters only happen on certain regions of the map" and "oh you can totally hide one-off boss fights inside random encounters" has got me to a concept I'm real happy with.

So yeah, that's where the game's at right now! For May, my main goal is just to finish the second dungeon, but we'll see where that goes. I plan on making a prototype build to toss at some friends once I've done a pass on the third dungeon (the total plan is for five, plus a final area after), but the third one is very short so I might even be able to do that in May too. But no pressure if the second is all I manage, that's the goal.

[chiimeramanticore]

any thoughts/headcanons/ideas/takes you feel compelled to share on a whim? about anything in particular?

this is an older ask thats been sitting in my inbox but i wanna use it as my opportunity to talk about benny while im still fnvposting bc BOY do i have thoughts about benny and BOY do i have a story for you guys

so as i briefly mentioned before, i had decided to do the yes man route before i even played the game bc i just wanted to play for him at first lol. i didnt know how closely tied yes man was to benny before meeting him- my main 2 goals were "get that bastard who shot me" and "find my robot boyfriend" lmao

when i got to the strip and confronted benny, he convinced me to go up to the presidential suite and told me he'd meet me there- ofc this was a trap, but with a good speech check (like i said, a good speech check makes for some of my favorite moments in the game) i managed to convince him to let me go . i dont even remember what i said (i think it was something like "if you let me go i won't follow you") but i remember he was like ".....i cant believe im actually letting you live" and in that moment i was like Ohh im in this fuckers head now

since then ive been imagining this semi-homoerotic rivalry between us, a la tom and jerry or cooper and propeller knight lmao. he skipped town immediately made a run for the fort (obviously. him letting me live didnt mean he was done trying to take over vegas) and i ran after him bc. well i needed that chip too lmao . when i got to the fort i found him captured by the legion, and i finally had the opportunity to talk to him at length.

after learning his backstory and motivations, i realized, i dont actually hate benny nearly as much as i thought i did? like he's an asshole for sure, and he will always be the guy who shot me in the head lol but like, he wasnt like... evil yknow. i realized i saw a lot of myself in him- he's just one guy who took a look at the world and realized he didnt like any of it, and wanted to change it... but he's also only one guy. it felt like we started out in the same position, and he lost his way at some point. he kinda epitomized my own (in-character) fear that whatever i did with new vegas after taking over wouldn't be the right decisions to make. and god i felt bad for him

so i tried to let him go. twice lol . i went out of my way to find a stealth boy for him like he asked, but he was a stupid asshole and activated it immediately when i gave it to him and then we both died dfkghk so i did the bunker mission and went back to caesar and he was like "ok you can choose how benny dies" and i asked if he could be let go and he was like "haha youre funny. choose something or we're crucifying him" and i was like Okay Okay Sorry

if im being completely honest i felt bad for benny like this. i'd usurped his plans embarrassingly easily, and now he's tied up and on death row because of it. we'd had our exchanges in who had the upper hand, but i didnt wanna just kill him like this, it didn't feel fair. so i told him to fight me in the arena, and he was like. amused by the idea? and we got our stupid machetes from the legion and fought and it was clumsy and messy bc im not good with melee and he's just an npc but there was something kinda perfect and human about it

and then i got the final blow on him. and my game froze. it froze so bad i had to force shut down my pc . the next day i turned it on and guess whose copy of fnv was completely busted! like loading any save or starting a new game would immediately crash the game kind of busted. and then i went to open yes man and SOMEHOW his data was entirely wiped . and i was CRUSHED because that's!!! that's the reason i started playing fnv to begin with!! i put a month of play time into him!! i'd maxed out my relationship with him!! i didnt know if i could even get that progress back!! but i had to go to work and i couldnt stick around to find out!

so i spent ALL day on friday anxious and sad and worried i wouldnt be able to fix things. it took me all weekend but i did eventually get everything fixed (extra special thank u to yes man's dev for helping me w him). but i swear to god i was convinced this was all somehow benny's doing. the game had frozen on a frame of benny mid-machete chest stab, and it was the last thing i saw before all of this happened. after our extended cat and mouse game, after all this back and forth, it felt like he was fucking me over one last time from beyond the grave and beyond even the limitations of the game. i took his life, he took my yes man. like seriously yes man was literally the only other program that was affected by the crash, it FELT targeted lmao

when i got the game working again, i had to replay the sequence where i killed benny and it didnt crash when i killed him this time. actually seeing him fall to the ground dead was oddly both cathartic and painful. i took his belongings (which felt kinda disrespectful but im sure he'd have wanted me to lol) and i left the fort wearing his suit. i gave yes man his gun (maria, which i love that he named, the loser)

i dont think benny was Right (though i dont think anyone in this game is meant to be entirely Right lol) but i also think he had the right idea going in. he's equal parts inspiring and a cautionary tale and i hate him just as much as i love him. he might be my favorite character in this game. i'll miss you, you asshole

[animationfilms]

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[tombeane-blog]

America - If We Can Keep It

8/6/2023

Last Wednesday between 6:00 and 6:15 a.m., I caught an early morning glimpse of only two possible outcomes for the future of America. 

One is the everlasting promise of America - not so much as a place but as an idea and a binding agreement - you do this - and America gives you that.

The other outcome is an America without the assurance of rewards for personal achievement or the guarantee of individual liberty.   

You know, America as we thought it always was and always would be.

As I was leaving the gym, I stopped and chatted with one of the employees working the night shift.

He was a young man who just graduated from high school.

He mentioned he was leaving to go live in Las Vegas at the end of September.

"Are you going to college down there?"

"No, I'll be looking for a job."

"Why wait?  Why not just go now?"

"I'm spending the time to get everything set up so I'll have an apartment and so forth when I get there."

"Seems kinda scary though without a job waiting for you."

"Well, I have enough money to last a year without a job."

"You just graduated from high school.  How did you do that?"

"I've been working two jobs through high school and saving my money."

"What kind of job or career are you thinking about?  Anything in particular?"

"I want to set up my own business."

"What kind?"

"A Gym.  I've been involved in operating a gym and working out all through high school and I love all of it."

"What if Vegas doesn't work out?"

"Then I'll try something different or go somewhere else."

So color me impressed. Working through high school.  Saving.  Having a plan.  Having a goal.  All on his own.  

Spreading his wings and falling into the wind.

The American promise. Work hard and achieve your dream.

I'd love to meet his parents.

I get into my truck and head home thinking, "Maybe there's still hope for America".  

"Maybe we can solve these problems after all.  And if we can't, people like him can."

I'm about halfway home driving through a typical suburban neighborhood.

Typical middle class homes with nice trimmed yards.

And then there it was.  Right in front of a typical middle class suburban home in a typical middle class suburban neighborhood - a man sleeping on the sidewalk covered by a filthy blanket.

And I can't keep that thought from crawling into my brain like a worm eating away at everything I'd been thinking.

No matter how much I try to stop the worm by remembering the young man and his pursuit of the American Promise - it repeats over and over - America is screwed.

[mcmansionhell]

Underground, Part 1

[Author’s Note: A year ago, when waiting for the DC Metro, I came up with an idea for a short story involving two realtors and the infamous Las Vegas Underground House, typed up an outline, and shoved it away in my documents where it sat neglected until this month. The house recently resurfaced on Twitter, and combined with almost a year of quarantine, the story quickly materialized. Though I rarely write fiction, I decided I’d give it a shot as a kind of novelty McMansion Hell post. I’ve peppered the story with photos from the house to break up the walls of text. Hopefully you find it entertaining. I look forward to returning next month with the second installment of this as well as our regularly scheduled McMansion content. Happy New Year!

Warning: there’s lots of swearing in this.]

Underground

Back in 1997, Mathieu Rino, the son of two Finnish mechanical engineers who may or may not have worked intimately with the US State Department, changed his name to Jay Renault in order to sell more houses. It worked wonders.

He gets out of the car, shuts the door harder than he should. Renault wrinkles his nose. It’s a miserable Las Vegas afternoon - a sizzling, dry heat pools in ripples above the asphalt. The desert is a place that is full of interesting and diverse forms of life, but Jay’s the kind of American who sees it all as empty square-footage. He frowns at the dirt dusting up his alligator-skin loafers but then remembers that every lot, after all, has potential. Renault wipes the sweat from his leathery face, slicks back his stringy blond hair and adjusts the aviators on the bridge of his nose. The Breitling diving watch crowding his wrist looks especially big in the afternoon glare. He glances at it.

“Shit,” he says. The door on the other side of the car closes, as though in response. 

If Jay Renault is the consummate rich, out-of-touch Gen-Xer trying to sell houses to other rich, out-of-touch Gen-Xers, then Robert Little is his millennial counterpart. Both are very good at their jobs. Robert adjusts his tie in the reflection of the Porsche window, purses his lips. He’s Vegas-showman attractive, with dark hair, a decent tan, and a too-bright smile - the kind of attractive that ruins marriages but makes for an excellent divorcee. Mildly sleazy.

“Help me with these platters, will you?” Renault gestures, popping the trunk. Robert does not want to sweat too much before an open house, but he obliges anyway. They’re both wearing suits. The heat is unbearable. A spread of charcuterie in one hand, Jay double-checks his pockets for the house keys, presses the button that locks his car. 

Both men sigh, and their eyes slowly trail up to the little stucco house sitting smack dab in the center of an enormous lot, a sea of gravel punctuated by a few sickly palms. The house has the distinct appearance of being made of cardboard, ticky-tacky, a show prop. Burnt orange awnings don its narrow windows, which somehow makes it look even more fake. 

“Here we go again,” Jay mutters, fishing the keys out of his pocket. He jiggles them until the splintered plywood door opens with a croak, revealing a dark and drab interior – dusty, even though the cleaners were here yesterday. Robert kicks the door shut with his foot behind him.

 “Christ,” he swears, eyes trailing over the terrible ecru sponge paint adorning the walls. “This shit is so bleak.”

The surface-level house is mostly empty. There’s nothing for them to see or attend to there, and so the men step through a narrow hallway at the end of which is an elevator. They could take the stairs, but don’t want to risk it with the platters. After all, they were quite expensive. Renault elbows the button and the doors part. 

“Let’s just get this over with,” he says as they step inside. The fluorescent lights above them buzz something awful. A cheery metal sign welcomes them to “Tex’s Hideaway.” Beneath it is an eldritch image of a cave, foreboding. Robert’s stomach’s in knots. Ever since the company assigned him to this property, he’s been terrified of it. He tells himself that the house is, in fact, creepy, that it is completely normal for him to be ill at ease. The elevator’s ding is harsh and mechanical. They step out. Jay flips a switch and the basement is flooded with eerie light. 

It’s famous, this house - The Las Vegas Underground House. The two realtors refer to it simply as “the bunker.” Built by an eccentric millionaire at the height of Cold War hysteria, it’s six-thousand square feet of paranoid, aspirational fantasy. The first thing anyone notices is the carpet – too-green, meant to resemble grass, sprawling out lawn-like, bookmarked by fake trees, each a front for a steel beam. Nothing can grow here. It imitates life, unable to sustain it. The leaves of the ficuses seem particularly plastic.

Bistro sets scatter the ‘yard’ (if one can call it that), and there’s plenty of outdoor activities – a parquet dance floor complete with pole and disco ball, a putt putt course, an outdoor grill made to look like it’s nestled in a rock, but in reality better resembles a baked potato. The pool and hot tub, both sculpted in concrete and fiberglass mimicking a natural rock formation, are less Playboy grotto and more Fred Flintstone. It’s a very seventies idea of fun.

Then, of course, there’s the house. That fucking house. 

A house built underground in 1978 was always meant to be a mansard – the mansard roof was a historical inevitability. The only other option was International Style modernism, but the millionaire and his wife were red-blooded anti-Communists. Hence, the mansard. Robert thinks the house looks like a fast-food restaurant. Jay thinks it looks like a lawn and tennis club he once attended as a child where he took badminton lessons from a swarthy Czech man named Jan. It’s drab and squat, made more open by big floor-to-ceiling windows nestled under fresh-looking cedar shingles. There’s no weather down here to shrivel them up.

“Shall we?” Jay drawls. The two make their way into the kitchen and set the platters down on the white tile countertop. Robert leans up against the island, careful of the oversized hood looming over the electric stovetop. He eyes the white cabinets, accented with Barbie pink trim. The matching linoleum floor squeaks under his Italian loafers. 

“I don’t understand why we bother doing this,” Robert complains. “Nobody’s seriously going to buy this shit, and the company’s out a hundred bucks for party platters.”

“It’s the same every time,” Renault agrees. “The only people who show up are Instagram kids and the crazies - you know, the same kind of freaks who’d pay money to see Chernobyl.” 

“Dark tourism, they call it.”

Jay checks his watch again. Being in here makes him nervous.

“Still an hour until open house,” he mutters. “I wish we could get drunk.”

Robert exhales deeply. He also wishes he could get drunk, but still, a job’s a job.

“I guess we should check to see if everything’s good to go.”

The men head into the living room. The beamed, slanted ceiling gives it a mid-century vibe, but the staging muddles the aura. Jay remembers making the call to the staging company. “Give us your spares,” he told them, “Whatever it is you’re not gonna miss. Nobody’ll ever buy this house anyway.” 

The result is eclectic – a mix of office furniture, neo-Tuscan McMansion garb, and stuffy waiting-room lamps, all scattered atop popcorn-butter shag carpeting. Hideous, Robert thinks. Then there’s the ‘entertaining’ room, which is a particular pain in the ass to them, because the carpet was so disgusting, they had to replace it with that fake wood floor just to be able to stand being in there for more than five minutes. There’s a heady stone fireplace on one wall, the kind they don’t make anymore, a hearth. Next to it, equally hedonistic, a full bar. Through some doors, a red-painted room with a pool table and paintings of girls in fedoras on the wall. It’s all so cheap, really. Jay pulls out a folded piece of paper out of his jacket pocket along with a pen. He ticks some boxes and moves on.

The dining room’s the worst to Robert. Somehow the ugly floral pattern on the curtains stretches up in bloomer-like into a frilly cornice, carried through to the wallpaper and the ceiling, inescapable, suffocating. It smells like mothballs and old fabric. The whole house smells like that. 

The master bedroom’s the most normal – if anything in this house could be called normal. Mismatched art and staging furniture crowd blank walls. When someone comes into a house, Jay told Robert all those years ago, they should be able to picture themselves living in it. That’s the goal of staging. 

There’s two more bedrooms. The men go through them quickly. The first isn’t so bad – claustrophobic, but acceptable – but the saccharine pink tuille wallpaper of the second gives Renault a sympathetic toothache. The pair return to the kitchen to wait.

Both men are itching to check their phones, but there’s no point – there’s no signal in here, none whatsoever. Renault, cynical to the core, thinks about marketing the house to the anti-5G people. It’s unsettlingly quiet. The two men have no choice but to entertain themselves the old-fashioned way, through small talk.

“It’s really fucked up, when you think about it,” Renault muses.

“What is?”

“The house, Bob.”

Robert hates being called Bob. He’s told Jay that hundreds of times, and yet…

“Yeah,” Robert mutters, annoyed.

“No, really. Like, imagine. You’re rich, you founded a major multinational company marketing hairbrushes to stay-at-home moms, and what do you decide to do with your money? Move to Vegas and build a fucking bunker. Like, imagine thinking the end of the world is just around the corner, forcing your poor wife to live there for ten, fifteen years, and then dying, a paranoid old man.” Renault finds the whole thing rather poetic. 

“The Russkies really got to poor ol’ Henderson, didn’t they?” Robert snickers.

“The wife’s more tragic if you ask me,” Renault drawls. “The second that batshit old coot died, she called a guy to build a front house on top of this one, since she already owned the lot. Poor woman probably hadn’t seen sunlight in God knows how long.”

“Surely they had to get groceries.”

Jay frowns. Robert has no sense of drama, he thinks. Bad trait for a realtor.

“Still,” he murmurs. “It’s sad.”

“I would have gotten a divorce, if I were her,” the younger man says, as though it were obvious. It’s Jay’s turn to laugh.

“I’ve had three of those, and trust me, it’s not as easy as you think.”

“You’re seeing some new girl now, aren’t you?” Robert doesn’t really care, he just knows Jay likes to talk about himself, and talking fills the time.  

“Yeah. Casino girl. Twenty-six.”

“And how old are you again?”

“None of your business.”

“Did you see the renderings I emailed to you?” Robert asks briskly, not wanting to discuss Jay’s sex life any further.

“What renderings?”

“Of this house, what it could look like.”

“Oh. Yeah.” Jay has not seen the renderings.

“If it were rezoned,” Robert continues, feeling very smart, “It could be a tourist attraction - put a nice visitor’s center on the lot, make it sleek and modern. Sell trinkets. It’s a nice parcel, close to the Strip - some clever investor could make it into a Museum of Ice Cream-type thing, you know?”

“Museum of Ice Cream?”

“In New York. It’s, not, like, educational or anything. Really, it’s just a bunch of colorful rooms where kids come to take pictures of themselves.”

“Instagram,” Jay mutters. “You know, I just sold a penthouse the other week to an Instagram influencer. Takes pictures of herself on the beach to sell face cream or some shit. Eight-point-two million dollars.”

“Jesus,” Robert whistles. “Fat commission.”

“You’re telling me. My oldest daughter turns sixteen this year. She’s getting a Mazda for Christmas.”

“You ever see that show, My Super Sweet Sixteen? On MTV? Where rich kids got, like, rappers to perform at their birthday parties? Every time at the end, some guy would pull up in, like, an Escalade with a big pink bow on it and all the kids would scream.”

“Sounds stupid,” Jay says.

“It was stupid.”

It’s Robert’s turn to check his watch, a dainty gold Rolex.

“Fuck, still thirty minutes.”

“Time really does stand still in here, doesn’t it?” Jay remarks.

“We should have left the office a little later,” Robert complains. “The charcuterie is going to get –“

A deafening sound roars through the house and a violent, explosive tremor throws both men on the ground, shakes the walls and everything between them. The power’s out for a few seconds before there’s a flicker, and light fills the room again. Two backup generators, reads Jay’s description in the listing - an appeal to the prepper demographic, which trends higher in income than non-preppers. For a moment, the only things either are conscious of are the harsh flourescent lighting and the ringing in their ears. Time slows, everything seems muted and too bright. Robert rubs the side of his face, pulls back his hand and sees blood.

“Christ,” he chokes out. “What the hell was that?”

“I don’t know,” Jay breathes, looking at his hands, trying to determine if he’s got a concussion. The results are inconclusive – everything’s slow and fuzzy, but after a moment, he thinks it might just be shock.

“It sounded like a fucking 747 just nosedived on top of us.” 

“Yeah, Jesus.” Jay’s still staring at his fingers in a daze. “You okay?”

“I think so,” Robert grumbles. Jay gives him a cursory examination.

“Nothing that needs stitches,” he reports bluntly. Robert’s relieved. His face sells a lot of houses to a lot of lonely women and a few lonely men. There’s a muffled whine, which the two men soon recognize as a throng of sirens. Both of them try to calm the panic rising in their chests, to no avail.

“Whatever the fuck happened,” Jay says, trying to make light of the situation, “At least we’re in here. The bunker.”

Fear forms in the whites of Robert’s eyes.

“What if we’re stuck in here,” he whispers, afraid to speak such a thing into the world. The fear spreads to his companion.

“Try the elevator,” Jay urges, and Robert gets up, wobbles a little as his head sorts itself out, and leaves. A moment later, Jay hears him swear a blue streak, and from the kitchen window, sees him standing before the closed metal doors, staring at his feet. His pulse racing, Renault jogs out to see for himself.

“It’s dead,” Robert murmurs. 

“Whatever happened,” Jay says cautiously, rubbing the back of his still-sore neck, “It must have been pretty bad. Like, I don’t think we should go up yet. Besides, surely the office knows we’re still down here.”

“Right, right,” the younger man breathes, trying to reassure himself.

“Let’s just wait it out. I’m sure everything’s fine.” The way Jay says it does not make Robert feel any better. 

“Okay,” the younger man grumbles. “I’m getting a fucking drink, though.”

“Yeah, Jesus. That’s the best idea you’ve had all day.” Renault shoves his hands in his suit pocket to keep them from trembling.  

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[bukojuiice]

the wedding booth  — eren jaeger

ೃ pairing: (eren jaeger x  fem! reader)

ೃ after being unwillingly dragged to plan and create a wedding booth for your first university festival, eren accompanies you to a bridal boutique. there, he contemplates about the future and all of the cheesy romantic stuff he wants to do with you.

ೃ genre and warnings: college au, lots and lots of fluff!

ೃ  my nav  →  my aot masterlist

ೃ 1k words

My Big Fat Greek Wedding, My Best Friend's Wedding, The Wedding Planner, Wedding Crashers... hell, even Mamma Mia.

If having to be forced to watch these romantic comedies about weddings doesn't give you the sudden urge to get hitched and run away to some tropical island, then you don't know what will.

For your very first uni fair at Shigashina University, your friends had proposed a Marriage booth. To be more specific, three of your friends did. Jean, Sasha, and Connie are the masterminds behind this stupid idea and it's all because of three things:

1. Jean is pining over Mikasa so so bad. So many years have passed and yet he still hasn't found a way to confess. And so, due to his pompous ass binge-watching stupid rom-coms recently, he thinks that if "fake dating" can bring two people together, then having a fake wedding with his unrequited crush of 12 years could finally make her fall for him too. He wants the booth to be as iconic as a wedding straight out of Las Vegas. Problem is, he's never been to Las Vegas, and his terribly unrealistic basis for wanting it to be as iconic as a "Las Vegas Wedding" is that one scene from The Hangover and that episode from Friends.

He was delusional and yet, he wanted to push through with this proposal no matter what. Nothing was going to stop him... not unless it was one of the three seniors whom you would be proposing this project to in the first place.

2. Sasha's goals are much normal. A bit odd, but still normal and not as desperate as Jean's. All she wants is to get Ymir, the captain of the school's soccer team to confess to Historia, the freshman Bio-Chemistry student who works part-time as a library assistant (and whom everyone secretly fawns over for. she's just that damn cute.) However, the real reason as to why she helped [rp[pse this stupid marriage booth to get them to finally confess to each other is anyone's guess.

3. Connie thinks he's gonna get clout from this. Rise up the university hierarchy perhaps? He's treating the entire festival like it's high school all over again. He prays that the marriage booth will become the hottest thing in the festival, then he'll instantly become that cool and bad-ass freshie whom everyone wants to be friends with. Either way, if the booth is going to be a success or not, you know for a fact he's never going to be a part of the "cool kids" (good lord, can you believe people still use that term in college?) and he's gonna be stuck with you and your other friends for the rest of the years to come.

It didn't take long before they finally finished their elaborate PowerPoint Presentation (despite Connie insisting that Powerpoint is boring) that they were going to pitch to three of the principal members of the student council. Namely, Erwin Smith, Levi Ackerman, and Hange Zoe.

It was gonna be an automatic no for Levi, obviously. Nothing could ever get past that man. But if they can somehow convince Erwin and most especially Hange to get on board with their stupid scheme, then the booth was good to go.

Now, here you are, in a bridal boutique. Purchasing some simple wedding dresses that will serve as your rent-a-dress service for the Marriage booth.

It wasn't originally a part of the plan. Not at all.

However, Hange would only approve of the project IF the wedding booth was going to be made into something more elaborate and memorable. They didn't want something as simple as printing out fake marriage contracts, cheap tulle fabric wedding veils, fake plastic bouquets, and wedding pictures that came out of a polaroid camera.

Oh no no no. They wanted it to be extravagant. The cream of the crop. The absolute bomb. The best booth at the festival.

Hange saw potential in the idea and with an approved budget by the student council, you could make anyone's wedding dreams come true.

 Fast forward to a week before the event, you are currently on a shopping spree with Armin, Mikasa, and your boyfriend, Eren (because Sasha insisted he had the right proportions for the rental groom outfits. She totally did not ask him to come along so that he can see you try on wedding gowns.) to buy supplies, props, decorations, and everything else needed.

"(Y/N), we'll meet you and Eren at the bridal boutique, okay?" Armin proclaims, looking at the time on his wristwatch and struggling to balance the shopping bags on his other hand.  Mikasa notices how much he's been struggling and offers to hold the bags for him.

"Sure! Don't forget about the list that Jean sent!" You shout back, turning to Eren as his fingers interlace with yours, making your merry way to the boutique whilst Armin and Mikasa go off the other direction.

"Don't get too excited." You joke, nudging Eren on the arm. "I'll just be trying on these dresses for the booth."

There's a particular glimmer in Eren's emerald eyes, chuckling at your quip. "Sheesh. Did you really have to remind me? Of course I know that. Besides, we're too young to even think about marriage right now. What's important is that I'm spending the best years of my life with you."

"Eren Grisha Jaeger, it is too damn early for you to make me a blushing pile of mess with your flirty comebacks." You deadpan, the heat rising up your cheeks as you try to hide your embarrassment from him.

The both of you laugh it off, shuffling into the store. The chiming bells of the shop door echo around the area as you look in awe at the luxurious dresses occupying every available space. The wafting smell of a vanilla pinecone scent and the soft sound of a sewing machine doing its work. There was a homey and rustic feel to this boutique that made you feel like you were sent back in time.

From great flouncy pieces adorned in layers of lace that rolled like ocean waves to more humble designs, albeit of the finest cloth.

This plethora of finery- reminds you strongly of the many genteel ladies depicted in those books and historic romances you used to read and watch. Like that of Pride and Prejudice or Sense and Sensibility.

Having the opportunity to enter a boutique such as this was a dream.

"Welcome! May I help you find anything?" A seamstress appears from the register. She looks at you from head to toe, as if trying to guess your measurements.

"W-we're looking for wedding dresses. Anything within the 200 to 300 dollar range? We don't need anything extra fancy, though! We'll just be needing them-"

Her eyes shift from you to Eren like she's suddenly a love coach, sizing the two of you up. "Yes, yes, young love! How sweet!" She chirps, breathing out a dreamy sigh. "Of course! For couples on a tight budget, we have-"

"We're looking for wedding dresses that can be used as costumes! Not too short and not too long either. W-we're not getting married or anything." You dismiss the seamstress with a wave of your hand. "I'm sorry if you thought of it that way..."

Although her shoulders visibly drop, the saleswoman still manages to smile. "Oh! I would like to apologize for assuming anything too!"

"Actually, mam, we do have plans sometime in the future." Eren grins cheekily, pulling you close to him. "Not today, of course, but we'll make sure to drop by in a few years!"

The saleslady's eyes lit up at Eren's vow. "Over here are some of our best-selling pieces! Ones that will certainly attract the eye of any groom!" She beckons you over to some mannequins lined up in the middle of the store, your gaze is drawn to the myriad of dresses on display as you walk throughout the space.

You turn back to Eren, studying him closely as he walks a few paces behind you, you thoughtfully wonder if the dresses you would pick out would match his taste.

She leads you to the back of the store to show the other garments and dresses embroidered with simplicity and yet elegance. You then pick two gowns up from their respective racks, satisfied with your purchase and making a beeline to the register to pay. However, the seamstress stops you from your tracks.

"How about this one, dear?"

You turn your attention to her, doe-eyed and curious as to what she was going to show you next.

"It is indeed a wedding dress, although not what you had asked for, the handsome young man did say something about your marriage plans. Perhaps this might help you visualize it? Give you an idea for the future, hm?" She hums wistfully, drawing your attention to the mannequin she placed in front of you. "It would be a shame if you left the boutique without trying anything on."

"(Y/N)?" You hear Eren's husky voice call out for you from the front of the store, "Armin just texted me. They can't find a specific prop in the crafts store so we might have to wait a bit longer for them."

"Okay! We can spare more time in the boutique, anyways." You answer back,  before turning your attention to the seamstress once more.

"Alright. I think I'll try it on then."

"Trying it on" turned out to be more than you had imagined. You thought you could just slip inside the dress and show it off. But nope. You needed a few adjustments to dress, adornments in your hair, and had to wear a wedding veil.

It was almost as if you were actually preparing to be wed.

"Good sir, your lovely missus is ready!" Yup, even the words of the seamstress made you feel like you were living in the 17th century right now. Did she really have to use such fancy words?

"Please, watch your step." The seamstress takes your hand and leads you out of the dressing room and right towards—

Eren who had been waiting in the shop proper.

"Doesn't she look beautiful?" She giggles, glancing at Eren for a response. "Well, I'll leave the two of you here first and bring the dresses you've chosen to the cash register first." In a wink, she's gone and had disappeared into the back almost before the words left her mouth.

The unfamiliar yet elegant garb makes you feel shy and the fact that Eren was gaping at you did not help at all. He was absolutely entranced by your beauty.

You unconsciously lower your head, tucking a strand of hair beneath your ear, unable to bear the thought.

"God, you're not just beautiful. Y-you look breathtaking."

He says in a barely audible whisper, pulling you to him once more.

Placing his hands on your waist, Eren plants a soft, tender kiss on your chest, the low-cut dress affording it easily. In a heartbeat, you feel your cheeks grow hot.

"Heh. Guess I got you again." He grins wolfishly, still admiring your beauty and tracing circles on the back of your hand. "I-I don't deserve you... I really don't."

"If you didn't deserve me, would you be here right now?" You say jokingly, raising your eyebrow.

"I mean it." He buries his face on the hem of your dress, his voice is muffled and soothing. "I can't believe you chose to love me." He looks up at you, eyes practically welling up with tears. "God, I honestly can't believe I'm crying right now, but, yeah... I am. That's how much I love you and how much I want to marry you right now."

You giggle at the expression your boyfriend has shown before you, stroking his hair and burying your fingers into his long brunette locks. "I love you too. But... why so sudden? You already told the saleswoman that we'll be back in a few years. She'd be surprised to hear you change your mind so easily."

"Well, if that's the case, then I better tell Jean to have us first on the list of the wedding booth then. We worked our asses off for this, might as well be the first to be blessed with the luck of that stupid booth."

You giggle once more as he continues to hold you so close. You feel his breath and his heartbeat. Each exhale and pulse brings you to the realization that Eren is the one. The man you want to be with for the rest of your life. The man who will help you through all your faults and mistakes, your burdens and troubles, through all the ups and downs... he will be there.

Just as you will be for him.

Guess those stupid movies centered around weddings weren’t so bad after all

.taglist: @crapimahuman​

[robotwrangler]

Thinking a lot of postgame Yes Man thoughts tonight.. I have so many ideas about the development of his personality and morality depending on what sort of person the courier happens to be?

(Putting the rest under a cut because this post got kinda long)

So like.. to preface this, I’ve seen it said by a few people (and I agree) that, because it can be completed no matter what your courier has done beforehand, the independent/wildcard ending has the potential to be either the best or the worst ending for the Mojave depending on your courier’s actions leading up to it; it’s all dependant on what sort of a person your courier is, their moral compass, what they’ve done. A wildcard courier could be any sort of person; they could be the dumbest idiot, an absolute saint or the cruellest bastard who ever lived. And one thing that I think should be explored more is the way that this relates to Yes Man.

Yes Man doesn’t really seem to know anyone else. He knew Benny, of course, and possibly Emily Ortal to some degree, but there’s not really much evidence to show what their relationship was like; he seems almost a little scathing or resentful of Benny here and there, but mostly speaks about him in an indifferent, ‘just stating the facts’ sort of way that makes me suspect that they weren’t very close. His opinions on a few of the factions are actually quite different to Benny’s, so it seems his values are mostly his own and didn’t just rub off on him from Benny. As for other people knowing him, Benny is the only person in the game to mention Yes Man by name, so we can assume the courier is the only other person he’s actually spent any time with.

In a way, I guess you could say this means that Yes Man goes from Benny’s workshop being his entire world to the courier being his entire world, and this is where it gets interesting to me.

Everyone has different interpretations of what Yes Man means by upgrading himself to be ‘a little more assertive’ at the end of the game. Sure, word of god said something about it just being intended to mean that Yes Man would no longer have to answer to anyone but the courier, but I like to think that it could be interpreted differently, depending on what sort of a dynamic that particular courier has built up with Yes Man.

As much as I always roll my eyes at the ‘Yes Man is actually evil and manipulating the courier in order to rise to power and then betray them’ types of theories, Yes Man is clearly capable of forming his own opinions and feelings towards things and people.. so, after the battle of Hoover Dam, once his upgrade is complete and he’s no longer forced by his programming to submit to the whims of whoever he speaks to, would he really choose to remain loyal to just any courier?

Despite his people-pleasing tendencies, Yes Man always makes his preferences pretty clear when he presents choices of action to the courier. There’s usually one choice he seems enthused about, and another choice that he presents as undesirable, whether that’s because it’s a bad choice for the future of New Vegas, or just less appealing to him, personally. For example, his disdain for the BOS appears to be at least partially out of concern for his own wellbeing - if the courier tells him that they’ve sided with the BOS, his immediate disappointment seems to be mostly based on his concern that the BOS will really want to blow him up or scrap him for salvage; he almost seems insulted that the courier would side with a faction that would wish harm on him.

Anyway, this post is getting too long already because I have too many thoughts and I’m not capable of being concise ever, so I’ll try and get to the point: the unique dynamic that each different courier has with Yes Man could deeply impact the sort of person he becomes once he has more free will. Once Benny is out of the picture, the courier is presumably the only person in Yes Man’s life, so the way that they treat him and maybe even just their own personality could both seriously influence the direction he takes as a character.

If the courier consistently disregarded Yes Man’s wishes, perhaps by getting cosy with the BOS and blowing up the securitron army and whatnot, would Yes Man hold resentment towards them for it? What if they were openly hostile towards him over the course of their partnership; would he really remain on their side once he finally had a choice in the matter? If they treated him cruelly, and he later killed them or left them once he had the free will to do so, would he then be more likely to hold distrust and resentment for humans in general as a result of his limited experience with them being so unpleasant?

On the other hand, what if a courier was kind and considerate towards him, and treated him with respect as though he were just another valued friend they’d made along the way? Would he enjoy their company, and choose to stay by their side even once his upgrade was complete and he was no longer obligated to help them?

Something else to consider is something I find especially interesting; what if the courier’s overall morals and their treatment of Yes Man weren’t exactly aligned? For example, a very good karma courier who happens to hate robots and only sides with Yes Man as a last resort, due to it being the only way to achieve an independent New Vegas, but doesn’t actually like him or befriend him? What would become of their partnership once the courier succeeded at the Dam?

Or, possibly my favourite concept, the complete opposite.. what about a courier with very evil karma who’s basically an irredeemable, bloodthirsty sadist, but they happen to really like Yes Man & think he’s neat so they become inseparable friends with him? What would Yes Man himself be like if the courier he was so close to was objectively a monstrous person?

And that’s one of the things I find the most fun to theorise about. Yes Man’s own morals are sort of a blank slate; despite how friendly and harmless he appears, he’s still really a big, formidable robot who seems to have accidentally been made far too self aware, and he may have a few opinions about certain things but when it comes down to it, Yes Man on his own is neither good nor evil. However, I think that depending on the kind of person the courier is, and the nature of their relationship, his morals could either remain quite neutral or develop considerably in either direction, so there are tons of ways to portray his postgame personality and they‘re all equally plausible because he’s just such a uniquely flexible character in that way.

Perhaps he picks up a mean streak from his evil courier friend and they have an absolute blast terrorising the wasteland and its inhabitants together! Or perhaps his loyalties lie with a kind and idealistic courier who tries their best to help people, and he comes to understand the importance of such things as he helps them achieve their goals! Either way, he’d still be the Yes Man that we know and love; the difference in him in those scenarios purely depends on the company he keeps and their actions towards him.

Anyway, that’s all I have to say about this stuff for now; I’ve been wanting to write about this for about a year, so I hope you’ll all excuse how long this post got. This is still all total speculation, since there's really no way of knowing for sure what Yes Man would be like after the upgrade or even the extent of the upgrade in general, but I just feel like there's so much unexplored potential for character development and postgame story stuff. The most important point I’m trying to make is I guess just to remember to have fun with the dynamic between Yes Man and the courier! The wildcard storyline leaves so much up to interpretation in regards to him, so it can be really fun to experiment with that. And it’s cool to think that, in a way, the Yes Man that your courier interacts with is unique to them, because no two couriers are the same!

[adifferenttime]

Andrew Ryan vs. Robert House

On almost every House post I make, someone in the notes will reliably reference Andrew Ryan. I totally get it - they look similar, they're based on the same guy, the parallels are so clear that the NV dev team added an achievement for killing House with a golf club - but I think these commonalities tend to engulf both characters, blotting out some of their more interesting ideological/personal differences. It's useful to examine them in relation to one another, but part of that is figuring out what distinguishes them, which is just what I’ve attempted to do.

It's difficult for me to talk about Randian objectivism because I don't think it's sound enough to address on its own terms, but considering this is the philosophy Andrew Ryan has adopted, I kind of have to. What I’d identify as the core premise of Randian ethics is this: altruism is a moral wrong. Some Randians have argued that isn't really what they believe - that the real point is anything resembling altruism is self-interest in disguise - but they're departing from the beliefs of their icon when they make those claims. Per Rand:

The irreducible primary of altruism, the basic absolute is self-sacrifice – which means self-immolation, self-abnegation, self-denial, self-destruction – which means the self as a standard of evil, the selfless as a standard of the good.

The way Rand defines altruism is by linking it to self-sacrifice, which she uses to differentiate it from kindness or benevolence. Aiding others at no cost to yourself is benevolent, but not altruistic, and therefore not evil. Sacrificing your happiness to help another human being is, from Rand's perspective, evil, as is any philosophy that prioritizes the other at the cost of the self. This whole idea has been broadly rejected by most scholars on account of it being really fucking stupid. What justifies the leap from "man is naturally selfish" to "selfishness is good"? If selfishness is moral, wouldn't the most moral behavior be to exploit others through whatever means necessary, favoring force over the market? Rand defines happiness as "using your mind’s fullest power," achievable only when you "do not consider the pleasure of others as the goal," but why is this the only definition? What if your only options are self-sacrificial in nature? How do you weigh them if neither sacrifice is linked to values, individual achievement, or "your mind's fullest power" at all? Rand didn't care because she was too busy trying to ethically justify cheating on her man with her best friend's husband, but nonetheless, this is the philosophy Andrew Ryan’s adopted. He claims that "Altruism is the root of all Wickedness," in what's almost a direct quote from Rand herself.

To that end, Ryan builds a system that doesn’t just accept selfishness but actively incentivizes it. Every other principle he expresses is subservient to the ideas that selfishness rules man, and that for Ryan to act on his own selfish impulses is the highest good in the world. His lesser political principles (individual liberties, negative rights, the creation of a stateless society) don’t matter to him as much as the central precept from which they stem: that selfishness is his moral imperative.

What is the greatest lie every created? What is the most vicious obscenity ever perpetrated on mankind? Slavery? The Holocaust? Dictatorship? No. It's the tool with which all that wickedness is built: altruism.

It doesn't come as a particular surprise to me when he starts imprisoning dissidents or executing rivals or banning theft (standard practice in most societies, but not what an egoist would pursue; if you can get away with taking it, you deserve to have it, or so the thinking goes). I’ve seen him described as a hypocrite, but I don’t think that’s necessarily true considering everything he does is in line with his opposition to altruism. He'll adhere to his other principles only if they don’t sabotage his pursuit of personal power. This is evident in the fact that he only adopts a negative perception of Fontaine when his own interests are threatened, but doesn’t give two shits what Fontaine might be doing to sow conflict and harm people before that point. A guy named Gregory asks Ryan to step in against Fontaine early on before Fontaine's fully established himself as a threat to Ryan's power, and Ryan's extremely blase about it.

Don't expect me to punish citizens for showing a little initiative. If you don't like what Fontaine is doing, well, I suggest you find a way to offer a better product.

Contrast this with how he reacts when Fontaine has risen as a genuine business rival. This is from the log titled "Fontaine Must Go."

Something must be done about Fontaine. While I was buying buildings and fish futures, he was cornering the market on genotypes and nucleotide sequences. Rapture is transforming before my eyes. The Great Chain is pulling away from me.

This double standard is the natural outgrowth of his prioritization of self-interest. If your most deeply-held belief is that you should never give up your interests for others, ancillary rules become flexible in times of personal crisis, and Bioshock makes the case that putting someone like that in charge of a city will leave you with a crumbling, monstrous ruin.

Superficially, House has some similarities. Ryan executes political rivals; House has you blow up a bunker of his ideological opponents. Ryan is the highest authority in Rapture; House is the absolute monarch of Vegas. Their goals and moral codes, though, are almost diametrically opposed. When you ask House why you’re expected to trust him when he’s openly admitting to installing himself as the despot of the New Vegas Strip, he says this:

I have no interest in abusing others... Nor have I any interest in being worshipped as some kind of machine-god messiah. I am impervious to such corrupting ambitions.

Most of his resources are devoted to large-scale, impersonal projects, aimed either at building the power of Vegas or securing his long term goal of “progress” as he sees it. He’s rejected selfishness as a moral good because House is very far from Randian objectivism. He's a Hobbesian monarch.

In that respect, he shares an outlook on human nature with Ryan that I deeply disagree with (that human beings are essentially selfish), but in terms of what that means for the structure of a utopian society, House takes a very different position. From his perspective, human nature breeds suffering, not industriousness, and the only way to stamp out conflict - and, in a post-nuclear age, ensure the continued survival of the human race - is through a strong sovereign. The purpose of a state as laid out in Leviathan aligns very, very closely with the one House expresses.

...the foresight of their own preservation, and of a more contented life thereby; that is to say, of getting themselves out from that miserable condition of war which is necessarily consequent, as hath been shown, to the natural passions of men...

The monarch's successes are reflected in his society and the well-being of humanity as a whole. To subvert his goals is to subvert society's goals, and to doom humanity to the war, death, and suffering that exist in a state of nature. When you destroy his Securitrons/kill him, he doesn't plead for himself or get offended on his own behalf. He accuses you of betraying not him, but mankind.

Single-handedly, you've brought mankind's best hopes of forward progress crashing down. No punishment would be too severe. Fool... to let... personalities... derail future... of mankind? ...Stupid! Slavery... the future of... mankind? What... have you... done?

An important corollary of this idea which again distinguishes House from Ryan appears in Leviathan’s description of the political/moral responsibility of a monarch to his subjects:

...that great Leviathan, or rather, to speak more reverently, of that mortal god to which we owe, under the immortal God, our peace and defence. For by this authority... he hath the use of so much power that, by terror thereof, he is enabled to form the wills of them all, to peace at home, and mutual aid against their enemies abroad.

Hobbes and House give the monarch virtually unlimited power but match it to the monarch's duty, which he lives to fulfill. His obligation is to speak for the people, act for them, and protect them from all threats, internal and external. House generally abides by this, orienting his decisions around his goals for society irrespective of the personal cost (the negative consequences of his actions are a product of his fucked evaluations of what’s best for society, not personal greed). It’s not just a departure from Ryan’s philosophy but a complete refutation of it. He's almost died for what he's misidentified as the greatest good.

Given that I had to make do with buggy software, the outcome could have been worse. I nearly died as it was…. I spent the next few decades in a veritable coma.

This is not the behavior of an egoist. This is the behavior of an extremely arrogant but marginally altruistic (from a Randian perspective lmao) guy. This is some distorted “from each according to his ability” shit if you’ve managed to convince yourself your abilities exceed those of everyone else who has ever lived and that you can get the Mandate of Heaven by being really good at statistics.

The reason these guys develop such similar structures and hierarchies despite the ideological gulfs between them is because both of them are elitists who’ve experienced a massive failure of self-consciousness. They’re unable to conceive of other people as being fundamentally like them. Ryan separates people into the clearly-delineated classes of “producer” and “parasite,” ignoring the fact that everything he’s ever “produced” was reliant on a huge, coordinated effort between workers, architects, accountants, middlemen, and others, all of whom, in conjunction, contributed more to the realization of his dreams that he ever could have alone. Rather than realizing his own position is more parasitic and reliant on other people’s labor than that of anyone else in Rapture, he adheres to his doctrine of selfishness even when it’s not reflective of reality and is ruining the the lives of an entire city of people. He deludes himself into believing he’s a superman among ants instead of one flawed man who is reliant on the goodwill of others to help him survive, as are we all.

House, too, thinks he’s exceptional. Unlike Ryan, he acknowledges the necessity of the worker to a functioning society, but while he’ll accept his reliance on that labor, he doesn’t trust the laborer enough to share political power. House knows he’s invested in humanity’s survival and the creation of a better world, but he refuses to consider that he might not be alone in this goal. He chalks up the existence of the Legion to fanaticism/the ambitions of a sultanistic dictator and attributes everything the NCR has done to greed, without it ever occurring to him that the massive harm these nations have done was partially motivated by the same goals he’s devoted himself to - and that the atrocities he’s committed since his rise to power are, in some respects, very similar. House knows himself to be invested in the well-being of humanity, but he’s too arrogant to ask himself if his methods are wrong or trust other people to build a new path, one that doesn’t necessitate his complete control over the land and people of the Mojave. Ryan and House’s worldviews are distinct, and their flaws, as highlighted by their respective narratives, say some interesting things about how each set of devs view power and the pitfalls of elitism.

Anyway. If you put these two men in a room, they would probably try to murder each other, and I think that’s great.

[thornescratch]

sorry for cursing (blessing?) your inbox with this but i just found out that nicklas 'murder eyes' backstrom listens to cardi b and follows taylor swift on spotify and now the image of him blasting wap and love story through earbuds while glaring at nothing in particular won't leave my head

LISTEN. Despite its effects on my physical and mental well-being, I am very obviously way too aware of everything the Caps get up to. I’m following all kinds of randos on instagram, paying for multiple sports subscription websites (man you have no idea how much that kills my cheapskate heart to do), and rooting through the trash cans at the MedStar Capitals Iceplex rink on a regular basis like some kind of feral raccoon. And I STILL cannot keep up with the absolute fucking rollercoaster that is Nicklas Backstrom's taste in music. Dude is all over the place.

-In his first interview as a Capital, he proclaimed his favorite bands were U2 and The Sounds, a Swedish indie rock band.

-Sometime in 2010, he picked Miley Cyrus over Taylor Swift in a “This or That” video that I sadly failed to save. (RIP most of the Caps NHL videos from the Young Guns age, those were so stupid and so great. You have things like the entire team arguing over pirates vs. ninjas)

-In late 2010, he refused to dance “in front of [the HBO 24/7 Road the Winter Classic cameras]” when the Caps finally snapped their eight game losing streak and all started fistpumping to “Beat Dat Beat” by DJ Pauly D, which implicates he HAS danced to Beat Dat Beat. Just not in front of cameras.

-Back in 2013, behind the scenes at a Bauer commercial shoot, he randomly sang “How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You)” by James Taylor.

-In late 2015, the Caps Breakaway Booklet had “S.O.B.” by Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats as his favorite song.

-In an early 2016 Caps Breakaway Booklet, we got a massive influx of Backstrom musical taste, where he chose the Backstreet Boys over NSYNC, and Katy Perry over Taylor Swift, and said his most played musician/band was Axwell & Ingresso (of Swedish House Mafia).

-In late 2016, he was still into Swedish House Mafia. Hooray for a brief moment of consistency.

-2018 was a big year. At the Stadium Series post-game locker room victory scene, you can see him laughing in the background to “Dancing Queen” by ABBA, though that’s not really just him because the entire goddamn team loves that song.

-In May of 2018, one of the NHL LiveWire Best of 2018 Playoffs Mic’d Up segments caught him singing Viva Las Vegas as the Capitals prepared to take on the Golden Knights in the Final.

-And of course, the many, many, many, many, many times he sang Queen’s “We Are The Champions.”

-And not being done yet, in June of 2018, one of Andre Burakovsky’s greatest accomplishments was sharing video of Nicke singing karaoke of Han tog av sig sin kavaj, or “An Evening in June” by Lasse Berghagen.

-For the Caps Halloween party in 2018, he was around while several of his teammates murdered “Piano Man” and “Don’t Stop Believing” though his own participation could not be confirmed.

-In 2019, we all remember the shock and awe when he decided on Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again,” the 1987 version, as his goal song, a song he ‘remembers from his youth’, apparently. “I think it’s cool, but, yeah, I don’t care too much,” Backstrom said. So you say, sir. So you say.

-Inside the 2020 playoff bubble, he was caught singing “Work It”, a remix of a Jay Sean song by Regard, as well as busting out some prime dance moves.

-This past December in 2020, his favorite song was “All I Want for Christmas” by Mariah Carey, though admittedly he was specifically asked for his favorite Christmas song.

-And now, we have him jamming out to WAP and Love Story. What a man. What a champion. May his utter randomness continue for years to come.

(PS I do not actually root through trashcans, I promise. I did once come real close to accidentally flashing Roman Hamrlik during warmups but that’s another story.)

[richincolor]

Interview with Axie Oh

We’re excited to feature an interview with Axie Oh today. It’s release day for her latest novel, XOXO.

Cello prodigy Jenny has one goal: to get into a prestigious music conservatory. When she meets mysterious, handsome Jaewoo in her uncle’s Los Angeles karaoke bar, it’s clear he’s the kind of boy who would uproot her careful plans. But in a moment of spontaneity, she allows him to pull her out of her comfort zone for one unforgettable night of adventure…before he disappears without a word.

Three months later, when Jenny and her mother arrive in South Korea to take care of her ailing grandmother, she’s shocked to discover that Jaewoo is a student at the same elite arts academy where she’s enrolled for the semester. And he’s not just any student. He’s a member of one of the biggest K-pop bands in the world—and he’s strictly forbidden from dating.

When a relationship means throwing Jenny’s life off the path she’s spent years mapping out, she’ll have to decide once and for all just how much she’s willing to risk for love.

*There will be several online events to help celebrate release week and you can find out more about those here.

Congratulations and happy release day. Thanks so much for taking the time to share a little bit about your writing. I just re-read XOXO and it was even more fun the second time through. I had so many smiles and plenty of laughter. I also had to find and listen to a few songs along the way as music is such a big part of the story.

Axie: Ah, I love that!

Jenny is clearly a music lover–though K-pop isn’t exactly at the top of her playlists. Has music and/or K-pop always been important in your life?

Axie: It has! My mother, who immigrated to the US when she was in high school, listened to Korean music—though I’m not sure if that would be considered K-pop at the time, and so did my older brother. In elementary school, I was into 1st generation K-pop groups like Fin.K.L and Shinhwa, then in middle school I was obsessed with Super Junior, and finally in high school and college, my favorite groups were Big Bang and Exo, among so many others. BTS debuted in 2013 right after I graduated from college, and I was a fan of theirs from the beginning!

Is there a K-pop song you’re loving right now or a K-pop group you think people should listen to immediately?

Axie: Right now I’m really into TXT and ENHYPEN’s music. If you like BTS, you should give them a listen! See the below question for what songs I think you should listen to immediately!

I’ve seen playlists for Rebel Seoul and Rogue Heart. Do you make one for all of your novels?

Axie: I do! I make playlists after each book I write as something fun for myself and they also provide some nice extra content for readers. I recently shared my playlist for XOXO, which I spent months on—it’s a K-pop book so I really wanted to showcase a variety of artists, and curate it well with songs that fit the book’s mood and tone. I even attempted to match each song to a chapter, so there are 40 songs on the playlist! You can check out the Spotify playlist here.

Do you feel like you are finished with the characters in XOXO or is there a possible follow-up?

Axie: I wrote XOXO as a standalone, but if my publisher came knocking, I wouldn’t say no!

What did you like about going from writing sci-fi books to writing a contemporary romance?

Axie: I liked exploring a completely new genre with so many fun, familiar tropes. And XOXO in particular is a very light-hearted and happy book, much different than my moody, atmospheric sci-fi series. Though there *is* worldbuilding involved in writing a contemporary, it’s not as intense as a sci-fi novel, so that was also nice for me!

And I see your next publication The Girl Who Fell Beneath the Sea is a fantasy re-telling. Are there things about writing a fantasy that you’ve appreciated?

Axie: Fantasy as a genre is actually my first love, and retellings my favorite subgenre of fantasy. I love how in fantasy you can explore new worlds, and there are no limits to one’s imagination.

No matter the genre, what do you love about writing and what can be a challenge?

Axie: As a generally private person, I love how through writing I can share parts of myself with others. I feel like I express myself best through fiction. I also definitely don’t feel like I create in a vacuum, but in conversation with others. What I mean by this is that I’m inspired by other forms of media when creating my own stories. For example, XOXO is inspired by my love of K-dramas, the Rebel Seoul series is a love letter to mecha anime, and The Girl Who Fell Beneath the Sea is my addition to the YA retelling subgenre of books, like those written by Robin McKinley and Diana Wynne Jones.

As for challenges, there are so many—difficult revisions, bad writing days, comparing myself to other writers—but at the end of the day, the need to express myself through writing is most important to me than all the rest combined.

What are your most anticipated reads that haven’t been published yet?

Axie: I blurbed a few books that I’m very excited about! Nafiza Azad’s sophomore novel THE WILD ONES releases next month and it’s absolutely stunning. If you liked XOXO, and were curious what it’s like to be a non-Korean idol in the K-pop world—in this case, Chinese American—then check out Alexandra Leigh Young’s IDOL GOSSIP, out in September. And lastly, Julie Abe’s YA contemporary debut, THE CHARMED LIST, is as charming as it sounds, about two childhood best friends to enemies to lovers who go on a road trip together—they also happen to wield magic! This one isn’t out until Summer 2022.

We’re looking forward to seeing XOXO out in the world soon and having a group discussion here on the blog about it too! Thanks again.

Axie: Thank you for having me!! This interview was so much fun ☺

Axie Oh is a first generation Korean American, born in NYC and raised in New Jersey. She studied Korean history and creative writing as an undergrad at the University of California – San Diego and holds an MFA from Lesley University in Writing for Young People. Her passions include K-pop, anime, stationery supplies, and milk tea. She currently resides in Las Vegas, Nevada with her puppy, Toro.

You can find her on her website and on Goodreads, Twitter, Tumblr, Pinterest, and Instagram.

[insomniac-arrest]

sooooo, I’m FINALLY getting back on the writing train after literally being too depressed to write for months and months (this has probably been the longest I’ve gone without writing for years now)

My main goal is to finally finish one of my “trunk novels,” meaning a non-serialized book contrast to 12ks or MRIAC. A book-book.

There’s two books in particular that I have in mind to concentrate on finishing and re-writing since they have a decent word count.

1. Molly Jones Burns Down

Genre: contemporary wlw rom-com

Summary: Molly’s apartment burns down. She managed to rescue her old grumpy cat from the fire, but her ex-girlfriend takes him in their final breakup. Cat-less, homeless, and jobless Molly decides to burn her old self down and go start over in a new city.

She takes what’s left of her belongings on a road trip to LA but runs into a broken down car on the side of the road and picks up a hitchhiker named Kitt who’s headed to Las Vegas. Kitt herself seems to have a secret or two, but Molly manages to ignore her late night phone calls and bad manners. 

Now they also just need to ignore their growing attraction and the inevitable fact they barely know how to read a map. A love story of falling in love next to a giant ball of twine and road signs that remind you that Jesus Saves and Hell is Real.

Words so far: 35,210, 93 pages

2. The Magpie Crown

Genre: high-fantasy wlw story

Summary: You mustn’t go near the barrier. You mustn’t stray too far toward where the spirits dwell and those places that reek of magic and dead things. Poppy doesn’t care. Poppy would rather be eaten by a spirit than remain in her penniless, unhappy household. She runs away from home and to the one place the people hate: the swamp near the border.

There, she comes across an injured woman with wings and a beaked mask. Someone who is not meant to be a part of their world. A spirit herself. Poppy decides to nurse her back to health nonetheless. In return, the magpie queen starts bringing her precious objects and things that glitter.

Poppy finally sees her opportunity: to amass enough wealth to fool the prince, marry into royalty, and change her fate. Of course, the magpie queen may ask for something more in return just as war looms and the spirits themselves seem restless.

Words so far: 65,039, 140 pages

I’m pretty lukewarm on both of them right now since one thing I struggle with is continuing to care about stories after a certain point. But I’m trying to work on that! I’m a bit torn however since The Magpie Crown has twice as many words, but still has like . . . so much story to go.

Plus, if I ever somehow did manage to pitch one of these to an agent I think I’d have a much easier time with “Molly Jones Burns Down.” Idk, do you all have any advice?

[shinymooncolor]

hey! you don’t have to answer this, but i know close to nothing about hockey and my family and i have never really watched it and i’m starting to get very interested, but i have no idea where to start 😅 what do you think i should focus on first, as a newbie? what should i absolutely know as a fan? what teams are pretty good in your opinion? again, thanks for your help if ever you see this p.s: i really love your posts and they bring a smile to me face, so thank you for your hard work! <3

Hi!

Ohhh well. First of all. Welcome to the nerve wracking, nail biting, jaw clenching, gut wrenching, heartbreaking and utterly incredible world of (ice) hockey. Angry muscle machines on skates chasing a tiny rubber puck in the nhl and their goddess equivalents in wnhl - what’s not to love?

You’ve decided on a hell of a year to join. Due to Covid, the normal system was paused and a recent bubble playoffs series played and later won by Tampa Bay Lightning a few weeks ago. The new season would’ve begun last week but is currently expected to start around December.

I’d say the best starting point would be to watch some games - YouTube has a lot of highlights, game compilations etc. and browse hockey tumblr. Hockey tumblr is a great combination of hockey gossip, game reviews, fans sharing their love, passion and (hateful) opinions about players, clubs and the sport in general.

My personal team faves are a handful - you see, the league is “split” into two conferences - east and west and within here a few other divisions dictating who the teams will play on a more recent basis. The clubs in the nhl being split over North America and Canada means a lot of ground to cover and therefore it’s split like this - time zones, distance and whatever. So maybe decide on a conference first? East or west.

I’m an eastern conference gal meself, but the west sure has its merits too.

So. Teams. You’re about to start a rumble here 😂

I am a personal fan of the Pittsburgh Penguins 🐧 they play good hockey, in spite of their idiot general manager (I’ve got posts detailing why he’s an ass hat extraordinarie). They’re captained by Canada’s hockey savior, Sidney Crosby: hockey robot, yellow crocs enthusiast , triple gold member (youngest captain to get all three?) and the goodest boy in the league. He’s been heralded as the next great one yada yada since he was about 5? And shot pucks into a dryer back in Canada - with that came a lot of shit for the poor guy who, in his own words, just wants to play hockey. And he’s good. He’s got his team of French Canadian d-men (letang, dumo), a whole lot of goalie drama which seems to be a pattern and his Russian (husband) assistant captain Evgeni Malkin who’s got the cutest kid, a really cool wifey (seriously her insta is 10000 better than geno’s own) and a wicked sense of humor which he conviently hides behind his “English big bad today” excuse to avoid media on a daily basis (he’s played this card since his wild escape and temporary defection from Russia back in 2006) seriously google it. It’s wild. They’ve won three cups since 2009, they’re contenders in the playoffs most years and their pr department provides some hilarious videos of captain Canada and his Russian (husband) A. It’s a true love story. Sue me. We’ve got an intense rivalry with philly and the caps. Seriously. That orange flyers jersey is intense - even if philly’s mascot is the next president.

Funnily enough, my strange obsession with Russian hockey players have led to the most disturbing but developing club crush on the Washington capitals who are the penguins’ nemesis.

I mean, this club led by the one and only gr8 8 mr Alexander Ovechkin is a rollercoaster of emotion and hot daddies in skates armed with sticks and a murder Swede.

So. Washington caps used to be a joke in the league until they went and drafted mr ovechkin first overall, brought him to the capital and let him do his thing. He’s got a rep for being a hell of a lot of fun on the ice (if you’re on his team) and one of those players that people love to hate (even if they can’t take away how freakishly good he is at hockey) - look up his impossible goal(s)! He’s an exuberant, fun loving Russian with a heart of gold and a missing tooth. In 2007, the caps went shopping for a center just for ovi who needed a playmaker and a slap shot feeeder - they went and drafted the Swedish angel (maybe assassin) (Lars) Nicklas Backstrom - and the purest hockey marriage was forged. The actual words (we needed a center for ovi and ovi wanted backstrom) have been said. Yes, these two Are now famously the mama and papa of the caps and they have a roster of unruly (and handsome) hockey babies with the fighting menace Tom Wilson, bird impersonator and Russian cat Evgeni Kuznetzov and a whole army of other adorable (albeit hockey playing menaces) babies. Most recently they had the leagues daddiest daddy goalie Mr Holtbeast as the fun and handsome canadien cowboy uncle but he’s ventured to Vancouver to adopt a new group of hockey babies. To compensate, the caps went shopping in New York and brought the one and only king Henrik from the crease in msg to be the goalie mentor for baby Russian caps goalie and to keep the daddy energy flowing.

(Seriously why are Swedish players part time models? Their national team strategy is to be so handsome the other teams are distracted. It’s a thing. Look it up)

I also love a handful of other players on other teams (I really don’t dislike any team in particular - but you’ll meet some dedicated and strong minded fans here)

Erik Horse Johnson, Cale Makar and Nikita Zadorov (Colorado Avs - zad have recently been traded to the blackhawks (not sure how I feel about that). Phwucking fun team. Who needs teeth anyways.

Marc Andre Fleury (Vegas now but hell always be a penguin to me)

The Russian gang in Tampa - and giant Swede victor Hedman (seriously he’s massive)

The canes (Carolina) and their collective of Finnish and Russian babies (aho, svech) with chaotic Marty and former penguin Baby Staal as captain

And a whole lot of others too. It’s hard to choose.

The Dallas stars and the most precious bean of them all (Russian) dobby - Anton khudobin their backup goalie turned playoffs hero and fashion icon. The man said we’re not going home and threw the entire team on his back and dragged them to the final. And their homoerotically charged captain and his alt captain and their Hollywood epic soap worthy relationship. Stallions, people, Stallions...

Btw we like to project our brash queerness onto this league. You’ll learn why quickly. There’s only so much talks about hot hands, slick moves, eternal love for teammates and quite frankly obscene (sexy) amounts of kneeling, roughing (let’s face its it’s just aggressive cuddling) and teammates honorably defending teammates.

Anyways. I love hockey. He. Sorry.

Fun fact I’ve dragged @canesinthecrease kicking and screaming into the hellhole that is the caps and I’m working on convincing @dontpuckwithme about the incredibly sexy thing that is Russians and Canadians being secretly married in Pittsburgh.

Great, sexy, amazing, cool, smart and wonderful hockey ladies to follow for even more amazing content on more clubs (the hurricanes - also a team I’m starting to love). They’re my queer sherpas and emotional support network.

Hope you can use this dear (new) hockey friend and mutual 💖🐧