#so much could be avoided if people didn’t get so upset with people rightfully being frustrated at such a soulless and giant shitty gacha

[raymoo--hackery]

Oomf you are so fucking real for this.

Yes, Touhou does have a lot of room for interpretation and fans making silly things is all well and good.

The issue is that LW markets itself to such a huge audience, and everything they do is to essentially leech money off its players. It’s just so disrespectful imo.

So many new fans get into Touhou with LW, and they have HUGE misconceptions about the series that it kind of sucks!! Especially with how much LW presents itself as “official”, so a lot of people think it’s canonical

It’s so different from a small fan doujin because. That’s just a fan making something small and fun to appreciate the series, even if it’s OOC, and if you don’t like it, you can just ignore it (unless it gets the community in a chokehold like KKHTA, but that’s rare)

Plus, when buying and consuming doujins, you are supporting small artists who are making content simply out of love for Touhou

LW is just a soulless cash grab that is just trying to use the skin of Touhou to amass money. It is in no way on the same level as doujin.

This is the biggest reason why fans dislike LW so much. It’s marketed to such a broad audience and presented as “official”, when it’s hardly faithful to the canon. It’s just here for money and leeching off of its players. It doesn’t care at all for the original series nor the original characters, and with how huge it is, it deeply impacts a lot of people’s impressions on the Touhou series. THAT is why people dislike it.

It frustrates me at times when people are like, “well aren’t you being too harsh?”

Or placing LW on the same level as doujin.

It isn’t like that at all, and I have reasons to be peeved about LW.

So a while ago i posted this costume Kutaka has in LostWord, asking if anyone knew why the character who's stated goal is literally to raise the status of chickens so they arent just seen as cheap food, is delivering fried chicken

Never really got a concrete answer other than it maybe being vegan chicken or something But now the event this costume is from is doing a rerun in game, so i played some of it to hopefully learn why (im maybe a bit too invested in figuring out why the gacha game gave a character an outfit that contradicts their character)

But so far, there's literally no mention or acknowledgement of it lol. Kutaka and the other characters in the event (Nitori and Takane) just get these delivery outfits for their food delivery service, and noone says anything about it I dont know if its brought up later, but i dont really feel motivated to do the entire story right now So i guess it was just like, oh we need a kutaka food delivery costume, give her fried chicken cause chicken and lol Kutaka fried chicken kfc or something? Maybe im thinking too hard about it

Makes me just a little bit sad that they did this though. Kutaka is an interesting character who i think gets reduced to just "funny cute chicken" a lot, and the biggest fangame giving her an outfit like this just feels. eugh Especially looking at people's reactions to the costume, mostly just joking "oh chickens are cannibalistic" "oh its dark humor lol" makes me sad. Kutaka deserves better than this guys

[runawrites-blog]

Not Part Of The Plan | Ch. 2 / 2 (Boba Fett x Reader)

Summary: The mission to rescue Han got uncovered and now you have to try and escape while also dealing with your complicated feelings for Boba. During the planned execution of Luke and Han, things go horribly wrong. (Female Reader) Word Count: 4,987 Warnings: Jabba's Palace Typical Violence, Arguments, Breaking-Up and Making-Up, Presumed Character Death (Boba), Angst, Protective Boba, No Y/N, Pet Names (Mesh'la, Cyar'ika) A/N: Unlike on AO3, I will post it in two parts instead of several chapters here. All but the last part takes place during Return Of The Jedi and the last part takes place Post Mandalorian Season 2 -- the Time Skip is marked to avoid confusion. Also while the Reader is Han's sister, her appearance is not described and they could be seen as half-siblings, so her ethnicity, height, weight and such are up to you to imagine! Have fun! Previous Chapter: https://runawrites-blog.tumblr.com/post/765792752807051264/not-part-of-the-plan-ch-12-boba-fett-x Cross-Posted On AO3 (in 6 Chapters): https://archiveofourown.org/works/36209275/chapters/90261490

---

Your escape not going according to plan was really no surprise with all the people that were sneaking around the palace, trying to bring Jabba any information and gain his favour. And the fact that after Leia had been discovered, you were found to be an accomplice didn’t really surprise you either. Now Han was sitting in a cell, you and Leia were chained up by Jabba’s throne and there was no sight of help.

But the worst had been that Jabba had sent you out as a pleasure slave to Boba that night and things did not go well. Not that you had expected a good outcome after Boba had found out that you had actually just been undercover to scout out the place – it wasn’t a far fetch for him to think that you had been using him all along. So when you were forced inside his rooms, not as his lover anymore but as someone he undoubtedly hated now, and his angry gaze fell onto you, the door shutting behind you felt like a cell’s door rattling shut.

“Why would he send you out of all people? He knows of our past and of what you’ve done!” Boba hissed angrily, glaring down at you in understandable anger. “I would have prefered anyone else over you right now.”

Although that statement hurt you knew that you were not in the position to get upset at his words. But that didn’t stop the tears that rose in your eyes. Boba just scoffed at you and shook his head before coming closer.

“Don’t you have anything to say in your defence?”

“He’s my brother.” You tried to reason, not daring to look up at him as you kept your eyes trained at the floor, fighting off the shivers that tried to make their way up your body at the cold stone underneath your bare feet. “I couldn’t stand by while he was being displayed in the palace, frozen in carbonite.”

“And you thought it necessary to use me for your plan?”

“I didn’t--”

“Don’t try to come up with an excuse now.” Boba snapped at you. “What use was I for you? Help me understand!”

You swallowed at his anger and shook your head. “No, I didn’t use you for anything! I was sent to scout out the place and find Han, but I didn’t need-- I didn’t need you for that. What I-- My feelings for you are real!”

“Why would I believe you?”

You tried your best not to let your tears fall at this situation but the tears felt so close to falling. You knew he wasn't going to hurt you and you were aware that he was rightfully upset with you but the fact that there was most likely no hope of ever gaining his love back hurt you terribly. He had told you that he had cared for you, had shown you that he really had feelings for you, had protected you and you had betrayed his trust. Boba hated you and it hurt you so terribly much.

“You-- I can’t give you a reason to-- to believe me.” You said, swallowing against the lump in your throat but a few tears still rolled down your cheeks. “But I’m telling the truth! I came here to-- to free my brother but there was a delay in our mission, so-- so I had to stay longer and while I was waiting for them I fell in love with you.”

Boba was watching you in silence and when you looked up you saw the frown on his face. Though now it was less angry and more confused than anything. But he wasn’t speaking, just watching the tears start to cascade down your cheeks.

“I know you distrust me and I know you must hate me now but-- but I just-- I really do care for you!” You pleaded quietly, bringing up your hands to grasp at your upper arms and shield yourself from the cold. “I know you’d rather have anyone but me here but-- but Jabba sent me anyway. If you’ll let me, I’ll just wait out the night until I-- until someone comes to get me in the morning.”

“You’re cold.”

Before you even had the time to confirm his suspicion, he’d turned and grabbed a blanket from his bed. In a smooth motion, he threw it around your shoulders and you quickly caught it before it fell. Confusion painted your face as more tears gathered in your eyes, though this time they were brought on by how touched you were that he still seemed to care for your wellbeing.

“No one will come to get you until the morning.” He stated calmly before he began to move around and throw a few of the bed’s pillows onto the sofa by the window. “You can stay.”

“Thank you.”

“Just take the sofa and try to warm yourself up. I may not trust you anymore and I’d be a fool to do so again, but that doesn’t mean my feelings were just snuffed out.” As if to undermine his point he began to extinguish the lights in the room. “Tomorrow, Jabba will decide what will happen to your brother.”

“Do you-- He sent that woman who betrayed him to the Great Pit of Carkoon a week or two ago. Do you think he will do the same to my brother?”

“Possibly.” Boba shrugged and went over to sit on his bed, finally looking back at you. “There’s nothing you can do about it.”

“I didn’t even get to talk to him again.” You whispered sadly. “I haven’t spoken to him in years and-- and I just-- Leia freed him and then he was immediately taken away.”

“That’s his own fault for not paying Jabba back.” Boba said before lying down on the bed and eyeing you with an emotion he couldn’t quite place. “I suggest you rest now. Someone will pick you up in the morning.”

“Thank you for letting me stay.”

“Just be quiet and rest.” He huffed before shutting off the last lamp and plunging the room into darkness. “You’ve got me to care for you. I still do.”

“I care for you, as well, Boba.”

“That makes no difference and you know it.”

“I do.”

---

“He is my brother!”

Boba gave a sharp tug to the chain Jabba had placed around your neck. Once more, the Hutt had sent you out to serve Boba who was on the upper deck of the sail barge. From up on top of the barge, you had the perfect view of the pit below the barge that Luke and Han would soon be thrown into. But at the tug you turned back to Boba behind you, watching him shake his head.

“There is nothing you can do. Just be glad you’re not thrown in after him.”

Panic rose in you as you grabbed onto the railing at the side of the sail barge and looked down at the Sarlacc with abject horror. After hearing Threepio translate what would happen to your brother and your friend down there, you were horrified. Thousands of years of torture for both Han and Luke, and there was nothing to be done now. You grabbed the chain and pulled at it once, gaining Boba’s attention.

“Can I not try to talk to him?”

“You tried that before.” Boba said sternly. “You tried to talk to him, tried to bribe him and nothing made a difference. If you try reasoning with him again, he might just throw you into the pit after all.”

“I don’t care.” You begged, grabbing onto the chain tightly. “Let me try.”

“I will not be responsible for you being executed!”

“I couldn’t even say goodbye to the only family I have.”

“That happens.”

Then Luke was moved into position and your grip on the railing tightened, breath catching in your throat. Han had been there for your for as long as you could remember and ever since you’d gotten to meet Luke, the two of you had become close friends, as well. The thought of them inside the Sarlacc’s guts was entirely too horrible to imagine. You couldn’t even imagine how Leia must be doing inside the sail barge. At the very least you weren’t with Jabba at the moment. But still, your fingers began to shake as you felt your throat tighten with anxiety.

“Look away.”

Boba’s voice ripped you from your thoughts and you saw that he stepped closer to the railing out of the corner of your eye, now also looking over the edge. When you eyed him for a second, the confusion on your face must have been evident because he spoke up again.

“I will tell you when it’s over if you wish to look away.”

But you couldn’t and as Luke jumped off the ledge you reflexively grabbed Boba’s arm next to you, needing someone to stabilise you. Then all hell broke loose and Luke pretty dramatically jumped up onto the cargo skiff again, catching the lightsaber Artoo had thrown him – you hadn’t even noticed the astromech coming onto the upper deck.

And just like that Luke was fighting them, hitting men left and right as a commotion broke loose. At your side, you saw Boba move, readying himself to fly down and stop the escape. But Lando noticed his movements and with the blaster, he had obtained during the fight, he managed to fire at Boba without the bounty hunter taking notice.

In a fraction of a second, you had decided that although you wanted everyone to escape, you also couldn’t let Boba get hurt and you quickly tackled him to the floor, both of you watching as the blaster’s beam shot over your bodies.

Once you noticed that you were lying on top of Boba, you quickly got back to your feet and looked over the railing to check if everyone was still alive. As your eyes found the skiff again, you saw that Luke had noticed you pushing the bounty hunter out of harm’s way and he threw you an understandably confused look, questioning why you would save the man. But then his attention was drawn back to another attacker and he turned away again, kicking him off the skiff.

“You saved me.” Boba’s voice ripped you out of your thoughts and when you turned he was coming closer, head tilted slightly to the side. “Why would you save me?”

“I still care about you.”

Boba stalled for a second before pulling you closer and tilting your chin up with his thumb. “I have a job to do. I will come back for you, Mesh’la.”

And with that he was off down to the skiff, leaving you behind on the sailing barge. You looked around, unsure of what to do when you saw a nearby guard getting ready to shoot at Lando who was now hanging off the side of the skiff, nearly falling into the pit himself. Quickly, you grabbed your chain and swung it at his ankle, effectively knocking him to the floor with the force of the metal. He dropped his blaster and you swooped in to get it. When he grabbed for a weapon at his belt you shot the man and then took a step back, watching two more guards come up the ladder.

While you managed to shoot one of them, the other managed to get a grip on you and pushed you toward the railing of the barge, attempting to throw you overboard and into the Sarlacc pit below. You had unfortunately dropped the blaster and he was physically stronger than you, completely putting his weight into pushing you over, so panic soon began to rise in you.

The chains rattling at your feet sparked an idea in you. Quickly you grabbed for the chain, careful not to let him notice, and wrapped it around the railing before taking a deep breath and letting yourself fall over the edge. The guard fell with you but unlike you, he had nothing to hold onto and tumbled right down into the pit. You held onto the chain tightly as the guards tried to reach you from the windows below.

And on top of that, another guard was up on the platform now, reaching for his blaster and aiming at you. But before he could shoot, a blaster beam hit him and he fell over the railing, just missing you as he tumbled into the pit below.

Swearing quietly you looked down, expecting Chewbacca or Luke to have fired at the man, but to your surprise, you found that it had been Boba, blaster still in hand and shoulders sagging in relief as he saw you had still hung on.

Quickly, you climbed back onto the barge and turned back to see what was going on when you realised Han had hit Boba, making his jet pack malfunction and sending him flying toward the sail barge. He knocked into the side of it and you watched in absolute horror as the man you loved fell into the Sarlacc pit. Tears gathered in your eyes and you felt your breath run cold. Your first instinct was to try and help but logically you knew there was nothing you could do to help. The tears threatened to fall and you had to pull yourself together to continue fighting.

But there was no time for grief at the moment because Lando was almost pulled into the pit by one of the Sarlacc’s tendrils, only saved by Han who was hanging on for dear life himself, Luke was crawling up the barge and an explosion shook the whole structure beneath your feet. You ran to the ladder to see what was going on just as Leia came climbing up, grabbing your hand to pull herself up.

“We need to get off this sail barge.” She urged, running to the railing. “Luke, hurry up! This whole thing is about to blow up!”

You ran after her, quickly extending a hand to help Luke up. “Why are you coming up here? I thought we wanted off this barge!”

“Han is bringing the skiff over.” He explained, readying his lightsaber to fight another guard. “Stand back!”

Everything after that passed in what felt like a fraction of a second. At Luke’s comment, Leia directed the canon at the barge. Han stirred the skiff over, Leia made a jump for it and he just managed to catch her and get her to safety. Then you felt Luke wrap an arm around you before he grabbed a rope and gave a kick to the canon, making it fire at the barge. You hung onto him tightly, pleading with him not to let you drop into the pit below. But fortunately, you soon found yourself safely on the skiff, just as the barge blew up and Lando stirred you all to safety.

“Han!” You exclaimed as soon as the shock had passed and hurried to embrace him. “Are you okay? Can you see again?”

“Yeah, I can see. I mean I managed to shoot the Sarlacc.” He joked and hugged you for a few seconds. “Are you injured? I saw you hanging off the barge. Did you get hurt?”

“No.” You shook your head and let go, looking him up and down. “I can’t believe you’re back! I’m glad you’re feeling better. That night Leia got you out and they brought you to your cell, you looked like hell.”

“Thanks.” Han said in amusement before shaking his head. “It takes a toll on you to be frozen in carbonite. But I’m fine now.”

“I’m glad.”

“I hope Lando watched out for you while I was gone. I heard Jabba sent you to Boba Fett of all people. He didn’t touch you, did he?”

You stilled for a second, feeling Leia’s eyes on you and seeing Lando raise an eyebrow at you from next to Han. Even Luke looked at you suspiciously. But you just shook your head, giving Han a comforting smile and ignoring your grief as you lied to him.

“No, he didn’t touch me.”

---Time-Skip---

“We have a guest.”

You looked up at Leia and shushed her, not wanting to disturb Luke and Grogu. But she shook her head and came closer, pulling you away by the arm. You’d been busy watching Luke train Grogu for the past few hours, fascinated by the child’s powers. Once Leia had you far enough away, she lowered her voice.

“He’s here to pick up Grogu so he can spend some time with his father.” Leia explained. “You should go and tell our guest that Luke might take a bit longer.”

“Why me? Can’t you do it?”

“It’s someone you know.”

“I know a lot of people.” You mumbled in confusion, not really understanding why the person talking to whoever Din had sent needed to be you. “You have to be a bit more specific than that.”

“It’s Boba Fett.”

Your mouth fell open at that and you had to manually reach up to close it before you shook your head in disbelief. “No, he-- he died. I saw him fall into that-- into the Sarlacc pit with my own eyes!”

“It’s either him or someone that stole his armour.” Leia shrugged. “But Din said that Boba Fett would come to pick Grogu up because he himself couldn’t make it. So either way, it would be great if you could come and verify that it’s really him.”

“Why would you want me to verify that it’s Boba who came to pick Grogu up and not some impostor?”

“None of us ever saw him without the helmet, so you need to verify it.”

You shook your head quickly, not wanting to give away your past with Boba to her, even though you were sure she’d had some ideas on it. “What makes you think I saw him without it?”

Leia rolled her eyes lightly at that and shook her head. “I know you’ve slept with him while you were at Jabba’s palace. I saw the way he kept you close to his side, the way he protected you. And Luke told me that you saved him from Lando’s shot, so I know you actually cared about him. If anyone has seen him without the helmet, it’s you.”

“Fine.”

And with that, Leia was off and you close behind. Your heart was rising into your throat with every step you took. It couldn’t be Boba – you had seen him die. You had mourned him all alone, only occasionally getting a sympathetic glance from Luke or Lando. Yet still, you hoped that against the odds the man in his armour was really him. So when you arrived at the doors to the landing dock, you stopped dead in your tracks when through the windows to the room you saw Boba’s armour again, no longer looking as beat up as before but painted over and polished up.

“I’m getting Luke and Grogu. You confirm if it’s really him.”

You nodded absentmindedly as Leia left and then you opened the door. They swished open and the man turned to you, hands reaching for his blaster before quickly dropping when he saw that it was you. Slowly, you approached and tried to resist the urge to run into his arms. You needed to confirm if it was him first so you knew Grogu would be safe.

“You’ve come to pick up the child.” You said quietly, looking at his visor in anticipation. “Take off the helmet, so I can confirm who you are.”

Without another word, he reached to his head and unfastened the helmet, slowly taking it off and your breath stopped. It was Boba. He looked scarred, his face burned by the Sarlacc’s acid but it was Boba. It was unmistakenly him – his eyes, his face, his lips. And the smile he gave at your awe was also unmistakenly his.

“Mesh’la, did you not believe it was me?”

“How?” You whispered, tears gathering in your eyes. “How are you alive?”

“Told you I would come back or you.”

And with that, you launched yourself into his arms, your own wrapping around his neck as you clung to him. The tears fell from your eyes freely as he wrapped his arms around you in a tight embrace, his face falling into your neck where he took a deep, steadying breath before he spoke again.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to come back for you.”

“I can’t believe that it’s you.” You sobbed out quietly before pulling back and taking his face into your hands. “I thought I’d lost you forever.”

“I made you a promise, Cyar’ika.” He said softly, his hands dropping to your hips to hold you close. “And I keep what I promise.”

“I am so sorry that I lied to you. I-- I don’t even know how you can come here and give me this much love and-- when I lied to you and--”

“Stop that.” Boba’s hands pulled you closer and he shook his head. “I believe you. I had a lot of time to think it through and I trust you that you didn’t use me, alright? Would you give me another chance after I treated you so harshly?”

“What?” You asked in surprise, eyes going wild. “I lied to you. You had every right to be angry. I should be the one asking you that!”

“I would give you another chance. Will you give me one?”

You nodded quickly before pulling his face down and kissing him deeply, eyes closing as soon as he started kissing back. His arms wrapped around you now, pulling you to his body as he held you. It took all your strength not to burst into tears again as you deepened the kiss and he held you even closer, securely keeping you in his arms. It was only when you heard something being dropped behind you that you pulled apart.

“You have to be kriffing kidding me right now!”

You turned in shock to face Han who had just dropped a box of tools and was now staring at you two in disgust and shock. Before you could explain he was marching over and grabbing Boba by the collar that stuck out from his armour, just for the bounty hunter to grab Han’s wrist and pull it away from his body. But Han’s free hand grabbed the one around his wrist as he glared at Boba.

“You are kissing my sister?”

“If I were you, I would think twice about attacking the man that collected the bounty that was on your head.” Boba hissed, eyes narrowing at Han. “You don’t decide if your sister and I kiss. She decides whether or not she kisses me!”

“Listen, I have no clue how you managed to escape the Sarlacc Pit but if you put your hands on my sister again, I will personally send you back in there!”

To your dismay, a smirk appeared on Boba’s face and you knew he was just going to keep this argument going. “She decides if she kisses me or does other things with me.”

“That was entirely unnecessary, Boba!”

“Other things?” Han snapped, ignoring your complaint as he glared at Boba. “Did you sleep with me kriffing sister, Fett?”

“What about it?”

“Can you two stop it?” You hissed and tried to pull them apart, pulling Han back by his collar while pushing against Boba’s chest to make him step back. “Han, lay off him! And Boba, stop kriffing riling him up even more!”

The two of them remained quiet for a few seconds but after another attempt of yours to pull them apart, they finally separated. Han let go of Boba before turning to you, his shock still evident in his face as he stared at you with wide eyes.

“When did that happen? When did you decide to sleep with Boba Fett?”

“It happened while I was infiltrating the palace and the plan got delayed, forcing me to stay there longer than expected.” You confessed, feeling as though the truth was the only way forward. “We talked a lot and then it just sort of happened.”

“It just happened? Things like that don’t just happen!”

“That’s what I told her!”

You turned to find Lando coming into the docking bay, carrying another toolbox and grinning widely. He obviously wasn’t going to side with you and Chewbacca who was coming inside behind Lando was probably also going to side with Han. But to your surprise, Han didn’t agree with Lando. On the contrary, his face fell even more and he glared at his friend, shaking his head in disbelief.

“You knew?”

“Oh, kriff.” Lando hissed, now realising his mistake. “I promised her not to tell you!”

“He found out by accident.” You explained, eyes flicking back and forth between Han and Lando. “I sort of pleaded with him not to tell you. I knew you’d react like this!”

“I hope that by ‘like this’ you mean in a completely rational way.” Han huffed, crossing his arms as he kept his eyes trained on you. “He’s not a good person!”

Boba looked back at Han at his exclamation. “And you trying to police your sister’s life is something a good person would do? She can make her own decisions!”

“Boba’s right.” You stated, nodding at Han. “I can decide who--”

“You agreeing with him is not surprising at all.” Han huffed and turned to Lando. “I can’t believe you wouldn’t tell me!”

Lando just shrugged at that. “I figured there was no reason to after he fell into the Great Pit of Carkoon. I thought she’d never see him again anyway.”

You eyed Lando, nodding at his words as the memory of that day and the horror you’d felt resurfaced. “So did I. I never told you after the fact because-- well, because I thought he was dead.”

Upon hearing about your grief, Boba came closer and put a hand on your back in an attempt to comfort you. “I came back, didn’t I?”

“Yes.” You nodded, giving him a small smile. “I’m glad you did.”

Han shook his head once more, pointing at Boba’s hand. “Get your hands off her!”

Boba glared back at him, bringing his other hand up to put it onto your shoulder now, effectively riling Han up even more. “That’s not your decision to make.”

“I can’t believe you!”

“All of you, cut it out!”

You felt yourself relax at Leia’s voice and looked up to find her coming into the loading dock, Luke in tow who was holding Grogu in his arms. If anyone would be able to tell Han to back down, it was her. She eyed the situation before coming closer, noting Han’s accusing finger still pointed at Boba and sighed quietly.

“So it really is Boba Fett?”

You nodded at her. “Yes, it really is him and not an impostor.”

“Good.” Leia nodded, looking at Han. “Then what seems to be the problem?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Han asked in exasperation, clearly annoyed that Leia wasn’t freaking out over this. “He slept with my sister and he’s being so-- so kriffing smug about it.”

Leia nodded at that, looking back at you. “Do you mind him touching you? Is he doing anything against your will?”

“No.”

“Then I don’t see the problem.”

“What?” Han shook his head and looked at his girlfriend. “And why are you not more surprised? Did you-- You knew!”

“I figured it out pretty quickly.” Leia nodded and sighed. “Listen, things have changed, alright? And Din sent him here, so he must be somewhat trustworthy. Besides that, your sister is an adult, Han.”

Han sighed in defeat and looked at you. “I just wish you would choose someone nice.”

“I am nice.” Boba stated from behind you, raising an eyebrow at Han and to your surprise, your brother gave a dry laugh at that.

“You stole my line.”

“See? She’s fine. And I’m pretty sure she can stand her ground.” Leia then looked at Boba again, pointing a finger at him. “If you mess up, though, I will personally come for you, am I making myself clear?”

“More than clear.”

Han sighed quietly and shook his head in dismay. “I can’t believe both Leia and Lando knew, and neither of them told me.”

That’s when Luke gave an awkward wave behind Leia. “I knew, as well.”

“How come everyone knew, but me? Chewie, did you know?” A roar from the Wookie confirmed Han’s suspicions and he groaned in exasperation. “I can’t believe it!”

“Are you good now?” You asked, reaching up to put your hand over Boba’s. “I promise you that he treats me well. I appreciate your worry but he’d never hurt me. Trust me.”

“I trust you.”

You smiled at that, leaning back into Boba who brought an arm around your waist then. He looked down at you, not paying any mind to your brother or friends. “You could come to deliver the child to Din with me.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“She says that as if she was ever any good with sticking to plans.” Leia joked.

Luke shook his head and approached, Grogu held close to him, before he gave Leia a smirk. “To be fair, some of our plans did fail tremendously.”

Han just gave a small laugh at that, watching as you gently took Grogu from Luke and turned to Boba, quietly discussing something with Boba. Before entering Slave I, you gave Han a small wave and then left to buckle up the child. But before Boba could follow you, Han called out to him once more, making him look up in question.

“Treat her right, you Buckethead.”

[go-to-the-mirror]

Un-Follow Me Now, This Is Gonna Be The Only Thing I Talk About For The Next Day. I've Been Wanting This For Months Fuck. What The Fuck. /ref

@a-mag-a-day

So, uhm, MAG 136 everybody! As you can probably tell I've been looking forward to this episode, not as much as some others, (cough cough) cul-de-sac (cough cough), but a fair amount of excitement going into this. So, without further ado, let's get on with it! Mostly rambling, but I have great words a lot of the time.

For content warnings, mostly what's in the episode and some pretty frank discussions of suicide and depression. If I need to add or tag anything please let me know.

If I get another gambling ad, I'm going to break something :). Sorry, I keep getting this gambling advert and it's just. Nope, no, 0/10. I had hope it would only be on RQG.

ARCHIVIST (Compelling) If you don’t mind me asking, where are you off to? MELANIE Therapy. Wait … ARCHIVIST Oh, God, Melanie, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to … MELANIE It’s fine. I would probably have told you eventually anyway. ARCHIVIST Even so, I shouldn’t— MELANIE Just forget it

I'm glad that although Melanie's obviously -- and to be honest, rightfully, yeah Jon didn't mean to make her tell him that she's going to therapy, he still did and that would make me pretty angry -- upset, she's handling it in a good way, they're not getting in a fight, they're being... amicable. Not friends -- a long way from friends.

DAISY You’re not babysitting me, alright? I know that’s what the others think sometimes, but that’s not it. I just don’t like being on my own if I can help it. You know, flashbacks, panic attacks, the usual. Just trying to avoid it if I can. ARCHIVIST I know, Daisy. I do. It’s hard. DAISY Yeah, well. Don’t let me get in your way. ARCHIVIST Of course.

jon's just grappling with the concept of friendship in the corner like, sure, he was a last resort, but he's spending time with another human and they're not obviously wishing he was dead! yay for that i guess!

also uhm i like how yk, maybe i was just watching bad shows before -- probably -- but it isn't... glossed over. they go through things and they deal with said things, mostly in bad and self destructive ways, like yes the characters suffering and then they have to deal with the suffering and it's all portrayed in a -- in my opinion -- pretty true to life way. People get angry when they're traumatized and under stress, people get suicidal, people do stupid things, people don't trust people -- trust the wrong people -- the works.

*holds gently* p o d c a s t

I loved Neil. I might even have been in love with him; it’s hard to say. When there are so many emotions caught up in a single person, when they’re such a significant force in your life, it gets difficult to say what’s really there at the heart of it.

I'm aro, I thought i was in love with people, I probably wasn't. Love is complicated, discerning what type it is.

Even pyrotechnics, while impressive and visually spectacular, just didn’t give me the same sharp joy as making something that could move, that came alive, directed and controlled by my hand.

Ah, right, so here's the sentence that's like "and this is what fear it is." There's a lot of those, scattered around. What comes to mind are the following lines.

Well, that’s what’s really terrifying, isn’t it? Your mind is all you are. There’s no back-up, no reset if it goes. I’m not just talking about madness as it appears, but what it is from inside. The way people talk about it, it’s like you have to think you’re sane, that our mind is everything we perceive, everything we are. Well, that means you can never know when your grasp might be slipping. I’m not convinced that’s it though. Or maybe deep down, somewhere inside, you understand what’s happening to you and I, um… I don’t know which scares me more.

(MAG 65 - Binary)

This shows that it's The Spiral.

One thing that… eats at me, as it were, and does give me that sick tightness of fear deep in my gut. It is rot. I don’t know why it gets to me so; perhaps it’s precisely because I don’t think there is anything beyond the body, and even dead and unaware, seeing a person’s form begin to putrefy and fester – becoming just a home for the crawling, feasting things – is too much for me. Perhaps it’s just an unaccountable phobia. Regardless of the reason, the fact is that to see the corpses decaying, to see their flesh corrupted, it is… the one part of this job that I find uncomfortable. So much so that I would describe reconstruction and preservation as my favourite part of the process. Making sure the cadaver looks as peaceful and lifelike as possible. Make them the person they were, or as close as they can be while cold and senseless. Fighting off the rot. The insects. The disease.

(MAG 36 - Taken Ill)

And this shows it's The Corruption.

I like it, a little introduction, so you know what you're getting into.

“Besides,” he always told me, “I’m a puppeteer at heart.”

✨ Spooky! ✨

A frugal life, lucrative career and prickly personality had left him with lots of money, but no real support; while my life had left me in a position where I cared deeply about his wellbeing and was in desperate need of money. Everything just lined up so neatly.

this was planned wasn't it, "everything just lined up so neatly," yeah no way it's a coincidence.

I must have asked him about it, but at the time it just seemed like such a natural progression.

This reminds me of some of the stuff in MAG 59 - Recluse.

I’m sure they’d have said the same things about me and at the time nothing seemed amiss. I did what I did because it was what I was supposed to do, and it never struck me to question it. I’m not sure I really recognise who I became while living at that house.

With The Web's control and things seeming fine but then you look back and it's like "yep, definitely not."

He was hanging there, wrapped in his strings like a cocoon, twisting gently around and around and around.

THAT'S AN IMAGE. oh!! OH!! oh boy!!!

She told me to take the films, his original cuts.

The way "original cuts" is said sounds a lot like some of the other tones a few statement givers take -- even Jon sometimes, immediately I can think of in the season 5 trailer. I recognise that tone.

She told me to come here. She told me to give them to you. I resisted for some time, but I’m done now. She’s won. And I would very much like to go home.

I love the way this statement ends, a lot of statements have very cool endings, this one's snazzy, the statement giver sounds so defeated.

ARCHIVIST They were … Well, let’s just say it’s not a complete shock there was something unnatural to them. Didn’t know we had copies in the Institute, though, let alone original cuts. Records indicate they ended up in Artefact Storage. DAISY Probably best they stay there. ARCHIVIST Yeah… Yes, of course.

No! Not best they stay there! Daisy and Jon movie night watching spooky films together! I think that would be fun.

DAISY She’s Web. Spider’s sneaky like that. Like that lighter you’re always using – where’d you get that? ARCHIVIST Hm, good point. We should keep our eyes open. Anyway, how’s Basira doing?

Spooky bloody lighter, god damnit, god damn that spooky lighter.

AAAA. No guys, the lighter isn't messing with his memory, he just has adhd.

DAISY Yeah, well, what do you think? You think I’m weak just cos I’m not already chasing the next kill? You think I’m less me? ARCHIVIST I … I don’t feel like I’m exactly in the best place to judge the intersection between free will and humanity. Still trying to figure that out myself.

✨ t h e m e s ✨ [themes]

I, unsurprisingly, like this. I think, that I like. The exploration of it. I think it's snazzy. It's hard to articulate my thoughts, but I am holding this gently, I am holding the many many themes of this very cool podcast gently. I am directing you to tumblr user annabelle--cane because it's got great brain thoughts.

DAISY Jon … When you went in the coffin, was it you choosing to do that? Did you actually think you could save me or was something telling you to do it? ARCHIVIST It was me. I was drawn to it, I’ll admit, but it was my decision. It wasn’t entirely about you, though. DAISY What was it? ARCHIVIST My— My memories of the coma are not clear, but I know I made a choice. I made a choice to become … something else. Because I was afraid to die. But ever since then, I don’t know if I made the right decision. I’m stronger now, tougher, I can … If I do die, now, or get sealed away somewhere forever, I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. And I don’t want to lose anyone else, so if I can maybe stop that happening and the only danger is to me … I’ll do it in a heartbeat. Worst case scenario, the universe loses another monster. DAISY That’s messed up. ARCHIVIST (Laughs) Yeah. I suppose it is.

I've also heard it described as "if there was a truck coming towards me, I wouldn't move out the way." Maybe not actively seeking it, but definitely not... not seeking it.

Yeah, thinking you're an inherently worse person than everyone around you, is a pretty good way to get you know, suicidal.

Almost everyone you care about thinking -- and saying -- that your very existence is a wrong, that they'd rather you have died, that's going to mess you up. And I'm... I mean like, poor Jon or whatever, I love him, he's my blorbo, but like him living his worst life is compelling and written well.

I should say more, but idk, I think I've summed up Some Thoughts.

ARCHIVIST I guess I thought imprisonment wouldn’t … wouldn’t be as bad as it was. And it’s a lot easier to make that choice than it is to actually endure the result. You might have noticed, when I was in there with you, I had regrets.

fuck dude it sure is, i mean at least he's pretty bad at self-sacrifice, like he lived, didn't get stuck in a coffin forever, no bad outcomes apart from... like... the trauma. he didn't even have to have one awkward conversation. until now, but i feel like him and daisy are more on the "joking about melodramatic notes app notes written while having a breakdown" than "one person who wants to get out of the situation and another who is Concerned."

DAISY You need to stop moping. ARCHIVIST I what?

THIS IS A MOMENT WHERE THE UNNOFFICIAL TRANSCRIPTS ABSOLUTELY WIN. "picture of Edwardian offence" ahsdfsewadfssewa

I mean like yeah it's a little insensitive or whatever, but to be fair, sometimes it's just better to get out of your head, distract yourself, don't listen to sad music while you're down because otherwise you're just going to get more sad. Shout out to crying over a TMA meta while listening to Mitski and reading all my saved TMA metas. Not the exact situation, but let it be known i don't cry over fiction that much. This podcast has made me cry like... how many times at this point?

I'd share other, more specific details, but I'm not sure how much is oversharing, especially with these topics.

DAISY “Boo hoo, I’m so alone and a monster!” ARCHIVIST I am alone. Martin is—

*points* GAY

well, bi. yk.

DAISY Get over yourself. You’re always talking about choices. We all made ours. Now I’m making a choice to get some drinks in. Coming? ARCHIVIST I don’t … Yeah, ok.

ANOTHER PART WHERE THE UNNOFFICIAL TRANSCRIPTS STAY WINNING! "pause while he grapples with the concept of friendship." Like I'm using official because i noticed an error in MAG 119, but the unofficials are funny.

DAISY Melanie’s out, but I’ll go get Basira. ARCHIVIST Is she … Would she want to join us? DAISY If she doesn’t, I’ll rip her throat out. ARCHIVIST Uhhh… DAISY It’s a joke, John. ARCHIVIST (Dubious) Oh, aha. Yes. I’ll get my coat.

HIS STUPID LITTLE LAUGH I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

he's just like me fr oh my goddd he's a dumbass he's i want to squish him like one of those toys whose eyes pop out i want to shake him out like a cat aaaaaa

Anyway, Jon fan[redacted]ing over, uhhh more thoughts on the whole bloody... thing he's got going on.

First of all, I mean... passive suicidality sucks. And I think that's what's going on, like he jumped into that coffin, with the knowledge that he might not live, but maybe he will, and does it matter either way. He lives, gets Daisy out, he's useful, he's good. He dies or gets stuck there... well, it's just another monster gone. And of course that's not what he thinks when he's down there, but... I can't back this up with studies, but anecdotally... yeah uh, I mean, sometimes you go "oh shit, maybe doing this nonspecific thing was a bad idea, actually, and you don't want to die."

That... sudden realization of what he's done, what he's condemned himself to, the continuing... you know, he's not exactly okay in season 5, or even later on in season 4 -- what with the dark sun -- and that rings true with me. I can actually back this up with a study, according to this website, (it's reliable, it's Harvard, just search up "attempters' longterm survival" on google, it should be the first result.) 90% of people who attempt suicide don't go on to die by suicide, however 40% of those who have died from suicide (in the US) have previously attempted suicide, and 5 to 11 percent of people hospitalized for a suicide attempt go on to die via suicide, but those who haven't are only 1 in 10,000. Besides, not he's gotten help, he's just realized he made a mistake in one situation, he's talked about it to a friend, sure, but he's still mostly alone, he still mostly thinks he's a monster.

Like... that's not a great situation to be in. Someone give him some actual friends (or a boyfriend) and take all the Panado (acetaminophen) out of his reach.

[ladyintree]

i would love to hear about how you think tai and allie's first interaction post-rescue (if any) went

oh you know allie is one of my favorite tai topics! 

realistically, tai has no reason to really interact with allie at all post-rescue at all.  high school is over, and she's getting out of town as fast as possible.  she wants to move forward.  but honestly,  she would try to avoid it regardless anyway.

she will have complicated feelings about allie for the rest of her life.  i've said it before but i hate the fandom theory that tai was acting as other tai when she hurt allie,  because it devalues such a defining character moment for tai.   (  "you always win, anyway" / "why do you think i like to play?" )    she's going to do what she has to do to get what she wants,  and she's going to go too far,  and she's going to get people hurt,  and she's going to have to be left to deal with that.  after allie's hurt,  she's completely frozen in the locker room, refuses to make eye contact,  because she truly doesn't know if she meant to hurt her or not,  but the point is,  she was definitely in acting within her own agency.  and despite her own complicated feelings over what happened,  even when she's repeatedly called out on what she did to allie,  she does nothing to actually defend herself,  she only pushes it back on everyone else instead.  when she tells shauna that she didn't mean to, shauna says okay,  and tai just has to convince herself that shauna believes her, even if deep down, she knows she probably doesn't.  

if they had gone on to nationals, competed, and won like was her plan from the beginning,  i don’t think she would have considered allie much at all.  she does feel guilt for how horribly allie was hurt, but it’s more about knowing she was capable of that that fucked her up.  but they didn’t make it to nationals,  and the first night they’re stuck in the wilderness,  mari reminds her of what she did —- “i guess you did allie a favor.”  and that’s what sticks with tai forever.  that’s what forces her to face what she did for, realistically, nothing.  and it’s interesting that this happens nearly the same time they’re all talking about what they could have done wrong to put them in this situation — - and hurting allie, in exchange for the best prepared teams for nationals, only for her to crash and get stuck in the wilderness and allie to theoretically be safe back at home is exactly the kind of karma they’re discussing.  and of course tai doesn’t believe in that shit — except now mari is forcing her to think about it.  and now she can’t stop thinking about that.  

obviously at some point, they are just so far removed from what they left back in civilization.  when tai thinks about it, her focus is more on where she’s supposed to be going, not what she left behind.  she’s focused on wanting to move on with her life and how she’s missing out on college, etc.  she’s not letting herself think about allie because, again, if they’d made it to nationals, it wouldn’t have mattered in the end — she could justify it to herself by having done what she needed to do in their final year while allie still had the rest of her high school soccer career to make her own mark.  but she hurt a girl to get here, and then she ultimately ended up worse than allie, doesn’t even know if she’ll make it out with her own life, so really, what did she hurt allie for?  was it really worth it?  is this her karma?  is allie resentful, or relieved?  is she grateful for what tai did now, or is she still rightfully upset?  what is allie telling people about tai,  is this the name being made of her in her absence?  so many things going through tai’s head about it.  and also,  so many things that are becoming so far irrelevant out there because it’s hard to even really think about the people they left behind,  not knowing if they’ll ever make it back.  hardly even feeling like they’re real anymore.

and as time goes on, they get more comfortable with violence.  violence is clearly becoming their own language at the end of season 2, and they have to be comfortable with it.  in some ways — tai watching javi die when they could’ve saved him just so they can eat isn’t all that different from her taking down allie when she could’ve found other ways to actually help her,  just so she could secure their best team for finals.  and maybe tai realizes that.  and maybe what happens with javi and everyone else that dies after him helps tai justify what she did to allie on a personal level — it’s about survival and it’s about doing what they have to do to win.  “do whatever it takes to survive” is just a new level of “do what it takes to win.”  so as violence becomes second nature out there,  she can’t hold onto what what did to allie anymore.  that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still cross her mind —- if she’s capable of this violence out there, then she knows she was likely capable of that violence back there, too.  

as an adult, we see tai revert back to that same annoyance she felt for allie before the crash, mostly because of the way allie seems to thrive off of what happened to them versus the way tai has to work in overtime to bury it all.  but in the wilderness, every so often, allie crosses her mind, and she doesn’t bring it up to anyone, because she wouldn’t even know how to talk about her. wonders if her team still resents her for what she did to her, wonders if allie is okay / if she forgives her considering the circumstances, wonders if she’ll ever see her again. not to apologize, because she wouldn’t know how to do that, either, but allie is the face she sees when she thinks about home, more often than not, her own haunting.  and what she did to allie,  in a strange way,  makes her stronger out there.  and it makes her resentful as an adult,  because now she’s associated hurting allie with the inevitable, brutal violence out there — that same violence she’s trying to repress, so being face to face with allie is just worse.

so to actually answer your question now — she would avoid allie.  because if she were to see allie soon after she was rescued,  it would be so complicated and so hard for her to process that she wouldn’t even know how to respond.  even when we see her 25 years later rolling her eyes at allie at the reunion, that took years for her to really get to that place.  

but what is she supposed to say to allie after everything she just experienced?  tai does everything she can to avoid responsibility when she knows she’s done something wrong  ( even to those she loves.  she knows what happened to v.an was her fault but there’s a reason she only mentions that to someone else rather than trying to apologize to her.  )  if allie was looking for an apology,  tai would not know how to give it.  she’s done so much worse to other people at this point that it would feel silly to her, even though allie would still deserve it.  if allie was looking for some kind of friendship to mend things between them,  it would not matter to tai,  because she’s moving on   ( and, without even realizing it, she’s associating allie with so many of those worse things she’s done. )  she would just have such an uncomfortable reaction to being around allie again and it would be way too complicated to unpack,  and tai is focused on moving on,  so she won’t dwell.  she doesn’t apologize, she doesn’t tell her anything.  when she sees allie, she can only treat her like a former teammate she’ll never see again, because that’s all she needs her to be,  despite all the turmoil going on in her own head about it.  she can’t falter to allie now, after everything.  she won’t let herself.

and as an adult, we see her rolling her eyes in annoyance about allie — but to her face, she isn’t ever interacting with her directly.  mostly, she’s acting like she barely remembers her, but of course she does.  she just can’t let it matter to her anymore,  because hurting allie is the last worst thing she did before her entire life flipped upside down and turned her into something even worse.  that is her last sense of ‘normalcy’ and it led her right into what she became after that.  

[concretecomplications]

Im scared

I’ve been really struggling for a while now but things keep coming to a boiling point.

At the risk of mixing metaphors, imagine my life as a large glass of water. It’s been filling up for a while with all my responsibilities and stresses. The stress of covid, cancelling my wedding due to covid, moving to the suburbs where I feel alone, dealing with my perfectionism, work, family, politics- everything. For a while I’ve felt like I could keep making the glass bigger, that I could handle more, but it feels like I’ve just been adding drops to the top and relying on surface tension to keep it together. Lately, ANYTHING, beyond a basic inconvenience makes it feel like the glass will shatter. I can sometimes let some of the water drip down the sides (basically panic until someone offers to take on some of my responsibilities) to keep it together but I’m always left feeling guilty. Plus, it always happens again, with increasingly smaller things making it overflow.

I KNOW hurting myself won’t fix any of this, but I’m scared at how frequently these thoughts are occurring to me. I’m also not actively planning anything or making decisions, but the thoughts are there. I’ve occasionally had this before but I was able to distract myself, I’m worried because today they’re not to easy to dismiss anymore.

I know there’s nothing going on in my life that is truly THAT bad, but I feel like I’ve been treading water for so long and I’m just, tired. It would just be much easier to run away from it all.

Right now, my husband and I came up to my mom’s house to help take care of my 95 year old grandmother while my mom goes on a business trip. We got here yesterday to have dinner together before her flight last night. My grandmother doesn’t speak English well and is having trouble with dementia . Cut to today- my mom has now tested positive for covid, meaning we’ve been exposed.

My husband ‘s mom is going into breast cancer surgery this week and he was supposed to help her and now can’t. And he’s rightfully upset that my mom didn’t take her minor symptoms seriously enough to tell us.

He’s gone back to our house at my suggestion so that if by some miracle he’s not sick, he can actually help. But now I’m alone with a 95 year old woman who doesn’t understand why I’m avoiding her.

Work is insane, I’m losing faith that things will ever get better- plus 90% of my team is out next week so I can’t even take a sick day if I even do have Covid.

Every question my grandmother asks makes me want to scream at her. She’s confused and I’m lashing out because I don’t have the energy to be patient the 7th time she’s dragged herself up a flight of steps to ask me the same question again.

The glass feels like it’s cracking.

My mom and my husband are the only people I’d even consider telling that I’m having these thoughts, (except, apparently, an internet of strangers) but I don’t think they have the emotional bandwidth to help me right now. If anything I fear them reacting as if I’m being dramatic and whiny. Plus, it’s not dire need at the moment- I’m just scared by the thoughts, no where near action- and I don’t want this to seem manipulative.

But I’m scared and I feel utterly alone and don’t know what to do anymore.

It hurts so much.

[fan-fantasies]

Falling into Place

A/N: thank you so much to everyone reading my Eddie pieces and for requesting a second part! Not gonna lie, my mental health is taking a dip at the moment so please bear with me if I’m absent a little bit going forward. As always, please reblog and comment 😊

Part two of “We Aren’t Friends.”

Pairing: Eddie x Fem!Reader

Warnings: swearing, mentions of drug use

You handed in your project to your teacher the next day, having stayed up all night finishing it. You actually finished it not too long after Eddie left but you weren’t able to fall asleep so you just kept trying to touch it up.

“And Eddie actually helped you?” The teacher asked, rightfully suspicious of the two time senior.

“Yeah, we met up every day actually to work on it. He was a big help.” Not a complete lie.

“I’ll have the grade back to you by the end of the week then. Good job, (Y/N).” You just simply smiled and went back to your seat.

Eddie walked in only moments later and his eyes found yours out of habit. You quickly looked away, fidgeting with the pencil on your notebook. You didn’t noticed how the boy sighed and trudged to his seat not far from your own. You thought he might say something to you and you were disappointed when he didn’t.

You swore the class would never end. You could feel Eddie’s stare burning a hole into the back of your head, but you refused to turn around and acknowledge him. Pretend like the other didn’t exist, that’s what you had said.

But maybe you were regretting it. You wanted to talk to your fluffy haired friend, but you weren’t friends anymore, we’re you? Not thanks to you.

After an excruciating hour, the bell finally rang. You grabbed your things and sprinted out of the room before everyone else. You knew people were staring at you but you didn’t care.

Lunch was the period you were dreading most. Eddie usually put on a little performance or speech and you didn’t want to watch today. You decided to take solace in your car, picking apart your food that you weren’t really hungry for.

You happened to look out your window and saw Chrissy heading back into the school. You didn’t think she drove so you were curious. You looked to where she was heading from and saw Eddie hopping out of his van. You rolled your eyes- of course, had to sneak away for a quickie during school.

He took a minute before heading back to school grounds, looking across the lot. His eyes locked with yours and he instantly froze. You shook your head and looked away, putting your lunch back in your bag. Against your better judgement, you turned on the ignition and drove off. You had never skipped school before but it was much needed.

The rest of the week you managed to avoid Eddie fairly well. You only saw him in class, and occasionally in the halls, choosing to eat your lunch in the library. Things were getting a little easier for you day by day, but the same couldn’t be said for Eddie.

He was mad, mostly at himself. He was mad that he blew you off in the lunch room that day but he was even more angry at the fact that he let himself feel hope- hope that he had made a new friend and hope that there may be something more there. But with the way you cut him off, he knew he was entirely wrong.

“Dude, you have to stop sulking!” Dustin whined before their campaign was set to begin. “She’s just a girl.”

“How would you feel if Suzie broke up with you?” Eddie asked, annoyed with the freshman.

“But she didn’t break up with you. You weren’t even dating,” Lucas told him.

“I do not need to be lectured by freshman right now!” Eddie ran his ringed fingers through his hair. The younger boys shut up, but not before mumbling something about Eddie being whipped and royally fucking up.

Eddie even complained to Chrissy about it- telling her they had to be more careful about meeting up because it upset you. They decided it would be best if he would just leave her purchase somewhere for her to grab, her doing the same with his money. She didn’t want to be seen either, her little problem needing to stay a secret.

That Friday, you were counting down the minutes until you got to leave for the weekend. You were hoping everything would go off without a hitch but it was never that simple.

“(Y/N), Eddie, I need to see you after class.” You finally dared to look at Eddie for the first time that week. He was already staring at you and gave you a sad smile. You turned back around with a sigh. The minutes ticked by as your anxiety rose more and more. Once the bell rang, you found yourself standing in front of your teacher, next to Eddie, close enough to almost touch.

“I just wanted to tell the two of you how fantastic your project was. And Eddie, (Y/N) assured me that you helped out and I’m very proud of you. You two make a great pair,” she said. You did your best to muster up a fake smile but Eddie seemed genuinely pleased. “Alright, off to your next class.”

“Yes, ma’am,” you said quietly. You left the room quickly, but Eddie’s long strides were no match for you.

“Can you please wait?” He asked, grabbing your hand to stop you.

“I don’t have time, Eddie. I have to get to class,” you protested.

“Considering you skipped the whole second half of the day earlier this week, I think you can handle being a few minutes late.”

“Oh fuck off, that was a one time thing,” you scoffed.

“Like us?” He asked.

“What do you mean ‘like us’?”

“Like, was our friendship just a one time thing? Because I really don’t want it to be. I miss you,” he almost whispered. He fiddled with his rings nervously waiting for you to respond.

“I miss you too,” you admitted for the first time openly. He looked up with a hopeful smile. “But that doesn’t change anything. I’m sorry.”

You ran to the bathroom before he could say anything else. You had convinced yourself you were too different to be real friends and your feelings may have scared you a little bit. A noise in the stall behind you scared you even more though, causing you to jump.

“Oh hey, (Y/N), right?” Chrissy asked. Of course she’d be in there.

“Chrissy.” You gave a curt nod and decided it would be best to find somewhere else to hide. As you made a beeline for the door, her voice stopped you.

“I’m not involved with Eddie!” She said quickly. You turned around, shocked.

“Excuse me?”

“I just wanted you to know, he and I are strictly business. But don’t tell anyone!”

“Um sure?” You were confused why she even cared.

“It’s just… he’s been miserable lately and he kinda told me you were upset because you thought he and I were a thing. He’s a good guy and he deserves to be happy. And so do you.” You never expected those words to come from her mouth.

“Well thanks, I guess.” She smiled at you softly before exiting the bathroom ahead of you. You sat there for a minute to gather your thoughts.

Did this really change anything? He still blew you off in the lunch room and for a drug deal. You were acquaintances and nothing more. But you felt more. And maybe so did he. There was only one way to find out. Ask him.

But you weren’t up for that. Not yet. You needed to take the weekend to process everything and make a decision. You just had to make it through the rest of the day.

You decided to eat lunch in the cafeteria, needing the noise of the crowd to drown your thoughts. Eddie was perched at the head of his club’s table and he stopped talking the minute he saw you come in. His friends followed his gaze and just sighed, wishing for the misery to end.

You sat with your usual group, most of whom were busy studying for exams. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from Eddie. He kept looking at you as well and it made you nervous. You began to play with your bottom lip, chewing on your nails every now and again.

“She looks like she wants to say something to me, right?” Eddie asked no one in particular.

“Pretty sure if she wanted to talk to you she would,” Mike said. Eddie glared at him. “You asked!”

“Why does she keep staring at me then?” The guys looked at each other and started to snicker and laugh. “Okay don’t answer that. Assholes.”

He suddenly got tense, seeing you rise from your seat. You walked toward him, eyes locked on his. His heart began to race and he wiped his sweaty palms on his ripped jeans.

Just as he thought you were about to stop and talk to him, you just walked right past. You were close enough that he could smell your sweet shampoo and perfume. He had teased you once about smelling too girly but secretly he loved it, especially when it would linger on his jacket after you borrowed it in the chilly library a few times.

“Ouch, that was harsh,” Dustin mumbled. Eddie watched as you exited the cafeteria, just before the bell rang.

You had every intention of going up to Eddie and talking to him. Just to say hi even. But as you got closer, you were worried he would shrug you off again and you couldn’t deal with that. You’d have to muster up the courage to talk to him some other time.

The rest of the day flew by and you wanted nothing more than to race home and lock the door to the world for a few days. You practically ran to your car but stopped when you noticed a piece of paper on your windshield. You carefully grabbed it and opened it up. Inside the words “tomorrow night?” were sloppily written.

You checked the backside and the front again to make sure there was no other message. Tomorrow night what? It made no sense.

You looked around and, upon seeing no one, shoved the paper in your bag and got in your car. Maybe someone placed it there by mistake or it was a really bad joke. Or maybe someone was going to murder you the following evening. No one could know for sure.

You weren’t particularly worried and your parents were gone for the weekend so you had the house to yourself to relax and do whatever you wanted. And all you wanted to do was relax, listen to some music, and watch your favorite movies.

So when the next night rolled around, you had completely forgotten about the weird note on your car. You snuggled into bed somewhat early, curling up with your most recent choice of novel. You were lost in your fantasy world when you heard a soft tapping. You ignored it until it got louder.

Your book was tossed across the room as you screamed, seeing a face peering in from your window. He looked apologetic, and motioned for you to open up.

“I do have a front door, you know!” You yelled as Eddie climbed into your room.

“Didn’t you get my note?” He asked.

“That was you? How was I supposed to know that meant you’d be trying to break into my house!” He looked terribly confused.

“It should have said ‘I’ll be at your window tomorrow night at 8.’ Did it not?” He asked.

“Uh no. Did you not write your own note?”

“I’m gonna kill him. I may have been running short on time so I asked Henderson to write it and stick it on your car which was apparently a mistake,” he sighed. Both of you stood in an awkward silence, neither of you knowing what to say.

“Soooo what’s the reason you’re stalking me again?” You finally asked. He let out a snort.

“I guess I kinda am, huh?” He laughed. “I just really miss you.”

“Maybe we’ll get paired up on another project before we graduate. She seemed to like how we worked together,” you suggested.

“You know that’s not what I meant. I really thought we were friends,” he said.

“I thought so too until I was blown off twice in one day. And Chrissy already told me you two aren’t involved, so save me that speech. Not like I’d care,” you scoffed, trying to play it off like you weren’t jealous.

“She did? Well it’s true, she’s just a client. And I regret blowing you off in the cafeteria. It was a mistake. I just wanted to protect you,” he said.

“Protect me from what?”

“The crooked stares. The bullying. The judgement for being friends with the freak.” You sighed and sat on your bed, patting the spot next to you which he gladly took.

“You’re not a freak. It was my decision in the first place to be seen with you. I don’t give a shit what anyone has to say about you and besides, we graduate in a few months anyway. They’ll go on to lead incredibly mediocre lives and you’ll be some rockstar somewhere.”

A huge smile broke out over Eddie’s face and you couldn’t help but smile too.

“I also may have over-reacted a bit. It’s just- it would be easier if we went back to pretending like the other doesn’t exist.”

“I’ve always known you existed,” he mumbled.

“No, I know-”

“No, you don’t.” He played with his rings nervously as you waited for him to explain. “I may have asked for you to be my partner on this project. The teacher came to me and asked who I thought could actually help me and I chose you.”

“That’s very nice, Eddie. Thank you for thinking I’m smart.” He reached over slowly and grabbed your hand. When you didn’t pull away, he continued.

“It’s not just because you’re smart. You’re gorgeous and likable. You’re soft and sweet. You’re everything I’m not and I thought the only way I’d ever get to talk to you was if we absolutely had to. So I may have let my little crush help sway my decision,” he admitted. Butterflies erupted in your stomach and you didn’t know what to say. With every passing second, Eddie regretted what he said more and more.

“I’ve always admired you.”

“Why?” He didn’t believe that he was admirable at all.

“Because you’re so confident and loud. You’re hilarious and don’t take anyone’s shit. You’re everything I’m not,” you said with a smile.

“I’m not as confident as you think. Didn’t even have the balls to ask out the girl I like,” he chuckled.

“Why not give it a try?” You asked quietly. You bit your lip and looked up at him. His grip on your hand tightened and he took a deep breath.

“Would you maybe want to go out with me?”

“I would love to,” you answered. “And I don’t give a fuck what anyone has to say about it.”

Eddie jumped off of your bed and did a dance around your room. You just smiled and shook your head at him.

“Just one request!” He stopped dancing and looked at you. “Please just use the front door from now on.”

He practically pounced on you, pushing you back onto the bed. He peppered your face with kisses through your giggles.

“Now what’s the fun in that, princess?” He placed a sweet kiss on your lips and it felt like everything was falling into place.

———————————————

Tag-list: @dootys @mellomadness @chaosinmyheart88 @buckys2thicc @h3k3t @youngflower @kaylinfayezink @thebookbakery

My apologies if I’ve missed anyone!

[shemarmooresfedora]

HI!!

I’m so happy for you to have hit 200 and now 300 followers!! You deserve a gold star ⭐️

I was looking at the prompts I think 4, 6, 12 sound good!! Again, I’m super happy that at your follower count. You’re a great writer and I can’t wait to see wait else you come up with 💕

You Don’t Ever Have to Hide From Me

Summary: You and Spencer are forced to share a hotel room but insecurities get the best of you.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Content/Warnings: internal angst due to body image issues, fluffy ending!

Word Count: 1.2k

A/N: why did i just write and edit this whole thing to avoid editing my other WIP which would have taken me less time. i just have been feeling in a bit of a rut lately so i needed some good old-fashioned spencer reassurance. prompt requests close tomorrow at 5 pm EST

Masterlist

Hotch came back from the receptionist’s desk, “We’re going to have to double up on rooms. They’re a little short.”

JJ and Emily paired off together immediately to no one’s surprise.

“I’m not sleeping with Reid,” Derek shook his head.

“Alright, Morgan, you’re with me,” Hotch stated, handing the last card to Spencer, “Sorry, they only have a king room, not twins.”

You groaned internally, flashing Spencer an awkward grin that he returned with his classic tight-lipped smile.

You had nothing against Reid, in fact, you would go out on a limb to say that you would call him your friend rather than coworker. But, all you wanted was to relax and let sleep take over you and now you would be up all night, afraid of snoring or anything else you could do to possibly embarrass yourself in front of your newly-budding crush.

You and Spencer rode the elevator up to the second floor in complete silence. Spencer slipped the key card into the slot on the door and pushed it open as it blinked green. He gestured for you to enter first because he was always such a gentleman.

“You can take a shower first if you want,” you offered to diffuse some of the awkward tension.

“Okay, thanks,” Spencer collected his change of clothes and headed into the bathroom.

As you gathered your belongings, you fell onto the bed in exasperation when you realized you only packed a cotton bralette and PJ shorts to wear to bed because you hadn’t been expecting to share a room at all let alone with Spencer.

“All yours,” Spencer smiled softly as he exited the bathroom, ruffling a towel through his curly locks to dry them.

“Thanks,” you murmured, reluctantly grabbing the skimpy clothing and heading into the bathroom.

Spencer was reading with only the nightstand lamp on when you finished your shower. You exited the bathroom with your dirty clothes balled up in front of you to hide your bare torso.

You crawled into bed on the opposite side of Spencer, putting as much space between you as possible. You were practically falling off the edge of the bed in an attempt to keep your distance.

You cleared your throat, “I’m putting a pillow between us. Under no circumstances do you cross it, okay?”

You took one of the extra pillows on your side and placed it right in the middle of the bed.

“Understood,” Spencer nodded, clicking off the lamp, “Good night, Y/N.”

“Good night, Spencer.”

-

You awoke to the feeling of arms wrapped around you. You could feel Spencer’s soft, even breaths against your neck. But then you felt his hands touching your exposed stomach. You cringed as the insecurities bubbled up.

You leapt up from the bed which startled Spencer awake. Your arms were crossed tightly around your front to shield Spencer from seeing any more of your body in the morning light.

“I-I told you not to cross the pillow,” you spoke softly.

Spencer noticed he had gravitated to your side of the bed throughout the night.

“Y/N, I am so so sorry. I swear I was asleep, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable at all. I’ll sleep on the floor tomorrow night,” Spencer sputtered.

“Don’t bother, okay? Just forget it. I can take the floor or hopefully a new room will open up by then,” you gave him a small smile to show you weren’t mad and grabbed your bag, heading to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

-

You sighed, looking at yourself in the bathroom mirror the following night. No new rooms opened up and you didn’t ask to switch with anyone because you didn’t want to cause a fuss. You also didn’t want Spencer feeling bad because you knew he hadn’t meant to do it on purpose.

You had practically begged Derek to lend you his biggest sweatshirt for the night. When he asked for a reason, you just shrugged, muttering something about the air conditioning in your room being broken and he gave it to you.

Spencer was reading once again with the lamp on when you exited the bathroom, much more covered this time.

Spencer immediately stood when he heard the door open.

“I already made a bed on the floor for me. I was just using your bed to be close to the lamp while you were in there,” Spencer quickly explained, getting himself situated on the floor.

“Spencer, I really don’t mind taking the floor,” you said.

“I was the one who crossed the boundaries, Y/N. I am taking the floor, I should have taken it the first night too. I’m so sorry I made you uncomfortable,” Spencer stated.

“It’s okay, Spencer. Night,” you yawned.

“Night, Y/N,” he sighed.

Spencer heard your breathing even out but he couldn’t go to sleep.

It all made sense now. You got upset when he cuddled with you last night, rightfully so, but he couldn’t figure out why until now. You and Derek must have a thing. Why else would you be wearing Derek’s sweatshirt? You were trying to send a message to him.

Spencer rolled over and eventually fell into a restless sleep at the thought of his crush liking Derek.

-

“Just so you know, Derek’s a good guy even though he may put on a bit of a ‘player’ act,” Spencer stated to you as you were packing your bags.

The case had wrapped so you were heading home on the jet soon. You could finally have a room to yourself, not that Spencer wasn’t great company but it was just nerve-wracking to be constantly over-analyzing your every move when with your crush.

“Um okay?” you zipped up your suitcase and set it by the door.

“Is it serious or is it more of a casual thing? When did it first start? You guys should probably fill out the HR paperwork to cover the team from any liabilities,” he began to ramble.

“Spencer-”

“Don’t worry. Your secret's safe with me. I don’t really have anyone to tell anyways besides you and Morgan but obviously you two already know-”

“God, can you just listen to me for a second?”

This caused Spencer to close his mouth.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you but I figured I should save you the breath. Morgan and I aren’t dating, seeing each other, or in any sort of romantic relationship,” you stated.

“But you were wearing his sweatshirt last night?” Spencer’s brow furrowed.

You pursed your lips and closed your eyes, “I’m not exactly the most comfortable in my body...especially around people I like.”

“Can I hug you?” Spencer asked softly.

You nodded and you felt yourself being enclosed in his warm embrace.

“You don’t ever have to hide from me, Y/N. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever and will ever lay my eyes on, inside and out,” Spencer whispered in your ear.

“And I like you too,” he added, “Not that you need them but if you’re going to be borrowing anyone’s clothes, they’re going to be mine,” he smiled.

“Good to know because I’ve had my eyes on that purple sweater of yours for a while,” you grinned.

taglist: (just ask to be added or removed!): @samuel-de-champagne-problems @g0lden-cth @spencerreid9 @averyhotchner @coldlilheart @k-k0129 @ickleronniekinsemotionalrange

[thefanficmonster]

Rumors

Corpse Husband x Bimbo!Reader (Female)

Warnings: Mentions of Slut Shaming, Swearing

Genre: Fluff, Tiniest bit of Angst, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: When some rumors start floating around, every content creator does their best to either ignore them or defuse the situation. However, sometimes, the fans attempt to do the defusing themselves which only leads to a worse disaster. That’s the case for Corpse whose fans were quick to jump to his protection of some ‘false’ rumors.

Requested by Anon. Hi dear! Thank you so much for your request, it was a joy to write. I’m sorry for how long it has taken me to complete and post the fic but here it finally is and I hope you enjoy reading it at least half as much as I enjoyed writing it! Love, Vy ❤

Corpse cracks his knuckles, then his shoulders, then his collarbone, then the his neck. He clenches his jaw as he breathes steadily and rhythmically, trying to control an overwhelming wave of anger that he has never felt before. This is a situation he’s never had to deal with nor did he ever think he’d have to deal with and address on a fucking livestream on top of all, but here he is now, doing his best to count to ten and not go on a Twitter responding spree, calling people out on their bullshit. He wanted to do so, he still wants to, but he was stopped in his intentions and brought to a calm mindset where he was swayed into dealing with this the civil way and not by roasting the fuck out of any and every foul-mouthed person he’s seen on his Twitter timeline.

He can’t really guarantee and civility during the stream either, he’s aware his tolerance is as thin as a stretched out, old rubber band and is a slight tug away from snapping and allowing him to unleash hell on these people because of who he’s been seeing red these past few days. 

Let’s not risk a misunderstanding here - Corpse absolutely loves and adores his fans, but seeing this behavior from them is quite upsetting and disappointing. When he uses the terms like ‘assholes’, ‘jerks’ and ‘rude motherfuckers’ he isn’t referring to them. He knows they are good people, but are using the completely wrong tactic of defending him, not to mention he doesn’t even need defending. Even if he did, he’s more than capable of doing it on his own and not getting other people involved.

“Hello everyone, hope you’re doing well.“ He finally settles on saying, officially kicking off the stream. If there’s any indicator of the serious nature of this stream, it’s probably the lack of lo-fi and the lack of even attempted playfulness and cheeriness in his voice. That’s how you know shit isn’t to be messed around about. “I just realized I didn’t specify what I’ll be doing in the Tweet, but I’ll tell you now, so those who aren’t interested in the subject or want to steer clear of the drama can leave. However, I wouldn’t advise clicking off considering this will be an overall, how do I say this, rant, of sorts? It’s meant to knock some sense in the people who have been spreading hate for a specific person on all social media platforms she’s active on.“

The majority of the viewers are already familiar with the subject, some even guilty of spreading the hate Corpse mentioned, but there are a few that are completely clueless - the ones actually not interested in online drama, not just saying they ‘hate drama’. With those people in mind, Corpse takes to addressing the issue from its very beginning.

“So, for a month now, me and this streamer, who’s also a TikTok star, by the name of Y/N have been interacting a lot on social media. She’s an incredibly sweet girl that a lot of people have prejudice towards. She’s very misjudged and misunderstood because people see he solely as her content, if that makes sense. They only know she’s that streamer who wears revealing clothes on her streams and posts risqué pictures on her Instagram. Like, no.“ Corpse cannot even fully believe he has to address this and that slut-shaming people is still a thing in the twenty-first century. He closes his eyes for a moment, fist tightening and his knuckles turning white, “I don’t understand how so many people can be so shallow and just plain jerks towards her in general, but then again - this is especially for my fans, the members of my fandom - I don’t understand the need you guys feel to put Y/N down to defend me from some ridiculous rumors as if it’s the first time I’ve had to deal with people talking shit for attention or to get someone canceled.“ He sighs, reminding himself to slow his roll as to not confuse any viewers who still don’t know the full story, “Anyway, back to the timeline of events. So, considering we’ve never interacted before, all the replying to comments, retweeting, liking posts and whatever sparked some dating rumors. Isn’t that just fucking hilarious - you see two people interacting on social media and the first thing that comes to mind is that they’re in a romantic relationship. Where did the friendship go? Does no one value or consider friendships to be a valid type of human relation anymore?“ He runs a hand through his hair, making another pause to clear his mind and prevent his frustration from overflowing. He promised he wouldn’t lose his cool and would remain calm and collected, but the more he talks about it the tighter he clenches his fist and the faster his heartrate is. His neck and ears are red from the tension he feels all over, almost like he’s physically restraining a raging wild animal and not just his own thoughts and emotions.

There’s layers to his anger, the lower ones - aka the ones he’s yet to get to - will be a nightmarish test of his self-control, he already knows it. Judging by how much of a toll this rant has already taken on him, his patience and control growing thinner and thinner, he’s not sure how he’ll power through the last layers without his voice raising awfully high in volume and his fists searching for some object to punch. To an ignorant eye, his reaction would seem exaggerated and overboard, but little does that ignorant eye know...

“When some of my fans saw those rumors, they reacted very badly. It was quite disappointing to see. Guys, I appreciate you standing up for me even though you shouldn’t do that - I can defend myself, not that this was a matter I needed defending from to begin with. But just the way some of you went about it was horrifically wrong and quite upsetting, to me but especially to Y/N herself.“ He can feel it, the aggravation growing, bubbling up in his chest, “What I saw disgusted me, I’m not gonna sugarcoat it. The things some of you were saying...I couldn’t believe you are in fact the same people who are my fans, my lovely fans who I’ve always thought so highly of. Never did I think you could be able of slut-shaming so vulgarly and grossly, I couldn’t believe what I was reading.“

He has every right to be upset - the things being said about Y/N were truly awful and a lot of things being said were meant to defend Corpse and defuse the rumors, doing so while stomping all over Y/N and her content. Rightfully so, many of her fans were outraged and quick to jump to her defense but were unfortunately outnumbered, leading Corpse to believe not many of her fans are actually real or as dedicated as his which only fueled his fury further.

Anyway, let’s take a look at Y/N’s point of view. Being a content creator for as long as she has, refusing to change her style no matter how many people disagreed and insulted her about it, she’s grown quite used to people spitting insults at her on every social media possible. It’s sad how throughout the majority of her content creating career she’s only had haters, creeps and fake fans watching her videos and streams. Rare are those in her fandom who’d actually stick up for her and defend her in ‘scandals’ such as this one. However, no amount of experience with dealing with hate could have prepared her for this outpour of some of the meanest shit she’s ever heard and been called in her life.

Y/N likes the content she makes, she’s comfortable in her skin and loves her body. She loves showing it off too and nor she nor anyone who wants that deserves to be shamed for who they are and what they do, especially when they aren’t hurting anyone and their content is still appropriate. People have always bashed her for all elements of who she is: her appearance, her clothing style, her streams, her gaming skills, her voice on occasion. She can count the instances when she’s received positive feedback on the fingers of her hands which would depress anyone else but not her. She’s always created content for her own amusement and entertainment so people’s opinions never really bothered her. Until now, until this very drama that has hit a specific nerve, an insecurity of hers she’s never talked about. The comments such as:

(Vy Speaking: Comments containing slut-shaming ahead, go to ### if you want to skip)

“Corpse would never date a slut like her“

“Corpse dating this thot? Please internet stop being ridiculous“

“Corpse ain’t a pimp, y’all need to chill“

“Even if they datin they gon break up soon - whore stays a whore“

###

bothered her far more than she’d like to admit. She has no one to open up about it either, she knows what she’ll get in response if she does - she’ll be told it’s her fault. Her fault because of the way she dresses, the way she talks and acts, because she chose this career to begin with. All her fault. The only person she can turn to she refuses to because she doesn’t want to be a bother - not after so many people confirmed her worries that she’s not good enough for him already anyway, the least she can do is avoid bothering him the best she can.

And that is exactly why this has upset Corpse so much.

“Here’s a little message specifically meant for those who claimed I’d never date someone like Y/N or specifically Y/N. You better listen carefully: Don’t you ever, and I mean EVER slut-shame my girlfriend or any other person ever. I cannot believe I have to explicitly remind you that your behavior isn’t ok. You should fucking know that your behavior isn’t right and that you’re a massive piece of shit for saying those awful things about others you judge solely on appearance and clothing. Does it surprise you that I am, in fact, dating Y/N? If you say yes for the reason you think she’s not good enough for me or that I deserve better, please get the fuck out of my fandom. No one disrespects my girl and gets away with it. That’s final!“

Though still under the influence of a flurry of negative emotions, overhearing Corpse literally telling people to exclude themselves from his fandom for being mean to her, Y/N’s taking a step towards emotional recovery knowing her boyfriend will always have her back. He’ll always be there to prove people wrong, defend her and stand by her. He’ll be there to catch her when the hate knocks her off her feet.

But most importantly: he’ll never ask her to change. Not her style, not her clothes, not her personality, nothing. He fell for her the way she is and for who she is, and he will never allow anyone to try to change her either. For someone who’s never had much support all her life, a single speck of support overpowers all the hate within the blink of an eye. Corpse will always be her knight in shining armor, the knight who defeated all the hateful demons by just entering her life. And though she’s still struggling with the ‘Am I good enough for someone so wonderful?’ and ‘He deserves better, doesn’t he?’ questions, with his hand holding hers, she’ll never let those doubts and insecurities overpower her.

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[gucciwins]

ahh are you angel was so good!!! is it possible for you to do a follow up where he gets released from the hospital and they go back to her house and she fusses over him a lot and takes care of him and he's like really stubborn and insists on doing things himself and walking about when he really shouldn't? I LOVE YOUR WRITING BTW!!! so so so good!

Hello lovely, thank you for such a kind message. I was writing and I wanted it to be sweet but there's actually a pinch of angst involved. Anyways, if you take the time to read this I hope you enjoy firefighter harry being stubborn at home. This is a follow up to Are You Angel?

Word count: 3331

Trouble Follows

Are You Angel?

_____

Harry was living in bliss.

Although he was injured and healing nicely, the doctors have told him. He enjoyed it because he was living with his girlfriend, who cared for him and made sure he didn’t overdo it.

It’s been two weeks, and he swears he couldn’t love Y/N anymore, but it grows every day. He adored her and was so thankful for how she was caring for him. She’d make him breakfast, and they’d either share it in bed or on the couch. She made his coffee just how he liked it and left him different baked goods every few days. He’s happily putting on weight from all the treats she makes.

Then after seven-thirty, she would head to work and, like clockwork at twelve, would be making her way into the house. She’d remove her sneakers and set up the lunch she stopped by to pick up, and then she’d wake him up with soft kisses all over his face, helping him sit up because of his bruised ribs. Y/N would let him sit at the table the only time. They’d chat about how her day was going too far; then, he’d discuss the book he decided to read. He is currently reading Normal People because Y/N wanted to watch the show, but Harry said she had to wait for him to read the book so they’d be able to discuss both. Y/N thought it was the sweetest thing and smothered him in kisses. Harry likes it when she does that.

After lunch, she’d tuck him to the couch and let him rest while she made her way back to work. Then Harry spent those last few hours at home sleeping, watching Survivor, another thing Y/N got him hooked on. Harry even upgraded her Hulu because he could not deal with the commercials. He didn’t have the patience for that. Y/N told him she wanted to apply to be on any of those shows but didn't know if she’d do well; Harry doubted that. He knew she could do anything she put her mind to. Instead, she told him they should look into applying to do Amazing Race together, which he has not ventured into yet but surely will soon.

Y/N would finally come home around five, and Harry would be in the bedroom either getting ready to shower or lying in bed. He would honestly wait for her because he liked it when she helped him undress, then she’d join him in the shower where she’d let him kiss her all over. He’s honestly dying for a taste of her. The problem is the doctor does not clear him, so it’s a no to sex from her.

Honestly, the shower was part of his favorite day, he’d get to stand, and she’d just let Harry hold her. He’d whisper how he missed her. Then he’d try to tempt her by whisper sweet nothings in her ear about how he missed the taste of her on his tongue, how she could just as easily ride his face, and the one he knows that almost always gets her is how he missed being close to her, as she squeezed him tight when he slipped inside of her. She always took a step back, avoiding eye contact because she knew if she looked at the look in his eyes, she’d give in.

Y/N would look at his chest, her eyes scanning over the scars on his skin until she landed on the purple bruise of his ribs. “Not until that is healed.” She’d half-smile at him.

Today was different. He went to the doctor’s with Mitch, Y/N not being able to get out of shift as they were full of patients for the day but promised to come straight home so they could cook dinner together. He squeezed her tighter before she left this morning, hoping for good news.

Harry walked into the hospital with a smile, greeting the staff. He didn’t have to wait long until his name was called, Mitch staying in his chair, looking at a magazine of National Geographic. Harry fixed his hoodie, walking towards the nurse who guided him to room 205. Carla, the nurse, checks his blood pressure, his height, and weight letting him know he gained five pounds that the doctor would be impressed. Harry smirked, knowing he’d tease Y/N for helping him put on weight. Carla smiled and told him the doctor would be in shortly and informed him to change into the gown provided.

Dr. Vazquez walks in fifteen minutes with a knock on the door.

“Mr. Styles, good to see you.”

“You as well.” He smiles.

“Right, well looking over your charts, everything looks good but still got to look you over.”

“Go right ahead, doc.” Harry sighs with a slight grin.

Dr. Vazquez washes his hands then gloves up. He walks over to Harry, standing right in front of him. First, he looks at Harry’s arms seeing that the burns healed, with minimal scarring. Then he moves over to the gown, seeing there are no longer bruises on his leg. Harry had to do physical therapy for a week as a precaution, but he aced all the drills and then was cleared. He lifted the gown to expose his stomach.

“Does it still hurt, your ribs?” Dr. Vazquez asked as he felt around the area of the bruising.

“No.” Harry lied.

“Hmm…” Dr. Vazquez touched Harry gently on the bruise, and Harry hissed. “Think it still does. It looks like you will need that extra week to recover at least until the bruising goes away.”

“Another week,” Harry repeats.

“Yes, I want you to heal properly.”

“But my job,” Harry exclaims, not believing he has to be out for another week.

Dr. Vazquez sighs, “You’re going back to the job Harry. I understand how much it means to you. If I let you go back early, you could break a rib if you aren’t careful. Now, I want you to go home and keep doing what you’re doing. You’re in great health overall.”

“Except the bruise,” Harry mutters.

“I’ll let you get dressed. See you next week, Styles.” As Dr. Vazquez is turning the knob, he turns around. “Thank Y/N for the oatmeal cookies. They were delicious.”

Harry nods and hops down from the bench wanting to get dressed and go home.

_

Mitch drives Harry home; it’s silent all the way there until he parks in front of Y/N’s house, which is technically his. He’s not sure, but it feels like home, at least with her, it does.

“You alright, H?” Mitch asks, shifting to look at Harry.

Harry sighs, leaning his head back against the seat. “No, got another week and another checkup.”

“That’s alright; you need to heal properly,” Mitch responds.

Harry shrugs, “I guess.”

“We still on for dinner at seven?”

“Yeah.”

Harry gets out and makes his way to the front door. He sits on the couch, and the more he sits there, the angrier he becomes. He’s not mad at anyone, just the situation. Harry isn’t sure how long he sits there, letting his anger simmer, but it’s been a while because he hears the front door unlock and Y/N enter.

“Hi darling,” She greets from the door, where she slips her shoes off and sets her purse down.

Harry doesn’t answer, continues to sit there, too lost in thought.

Y/N smiles seeing him sitting there.

She hurries over him, desperate to hug him. She sits next to him on the couch, carefully slipping her arms around his waist as not to hurt him.

“Missed you.”

Harry sighs, kissing her head softly. “Me too.”

“Going to make you a tea, Ms. Waters was telling me it strengthens your bones and to make it even better, it smells like lavender although she said it might need some sugar if you don’t want it to be bitter.”

Y/N isn’t worried. Some days she comes home and does all the talking because he had a few rough days, and sometimes she’d be quiet, and Harry would cuddle her, commenting about everyone’s gameplay in Survivor.

This is the most stable relationship she’s been in. Yes, it is insane for Harry to move for the time being, but she’s not opposed to him moving in so soon. She loves him, and that means she sees a future with him. It may or may not end in heartbreak, but she wants as much time with Harry that she can get.

Harry was just as thrilled. Most of his clothes could already be found in the drawers she opened up for him. She has uniform shirts hanging in her closet. She buys his favorite fabric softener. They’ve been domestic from the start.

This is love, and she wants it for as long as Harry will give it to her.

Y/N came out with the mug, placing it on the coaster for Harry.

Harry stared at Y/N, thinking about every single thing she does for him. He was thankful he really was because he loved her, and this was showing him just how much she loved him, but he could do things independently.

Harry goes to sit up, and Y/N is there instantly to help him. Harry isn’t sure why, but it bothers him.

This seems to be the last straw after the day he had, and Harry shrugs her off.

She steps back, not a word is said.

“Y/N,”

A frown on her face, he called her by her name, not one of the sweet nicknames he has for her.

“You’re suffocating me. I can do this on my own. I’ve been hurt before, and I didn’t need you.” Harry says harshly.

Y/N flinches, taking a step back.

Harry instantly feels the guilt seeping in.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way,” She says as she takes small steps back to increase their distance. “I’m going to go for a walk.” Shoes in hand, she opens the door and walks out before Harry can say anything.

Harry sighs because he didn’t mean to make her upset. He really is a dick.

Now she’s outside and upset. Harry hates that he drove her out of her own home because of his stubbornness.

He’s not sure how to apologize, but in the meantime, Harry can think about it before she comes back.

_____

It’s been over an hour, and Harry knows she should be home soon. He tried calling and texting her, but she’s ignoring his cars, rightfully so. He feels time goes by slowly now that she isn’t there to keep him company.

Harry wants to apologize and hold her close. He misses her and her sweet smile that’s reserved just for him. He feels awful because he’s not even sure if she took a jacket, and it’s a cold night. He did this and just wants her home, even if it means her being upset with him.

There’s a knock on the door, and he rushes over to open it but frowns when he sees Mitch and Sarah.

“Well, what a welcome,” Sarah says sarcastically at his expression.

“Sorry, thought you were Y/N,” Harry sighs, moving back, allowing them to enter.

Mitch and Sarah share a look, “Shouldn’t she be here?”

“She should, but I’m a dick, and she went on a walk to get away from me.”

“Harry,”

“I know, I felt awful right away, Fuck, I’ve never yelled at her-- we don’t fight. It’s not us, and now she’s not answering my calls.”

Sarah looks around the room before her eyes land on the bag next to the mushroom key holder. “The phone that is sitting next to her bag.”

“Fuck,” Harry frowns. He picks it up, seeing all his missed calls. He scrolls then stops when he sees Frankie’s name.

With Frankie, will be home soon.

It was sent fifteen minutes ago.

“She’s with Frankie.”

Harry leans against the wall, sighing in relief. “Should we be here when she gets back?” Mitch asks.

“No, we need to talk. Raincheck?”

Sarah nods, “Of course. Keep us updated.”

“Yeah, of course.”

Mitch walks out first, then Sarah before they share a look. Sarah sighs, turning to look at Harry. “Listen, you don’t have to tell me what happened, but Y/N loves you. I’ve known her as long as you have. From the way Y/N has spoken about you to Frankie and me, it’s like you hung the moon and stars for her. It might be easy to treat her as a target but know this; she will never stand to be mistreated because she knows her worth. So, swallow your pride and fix this with your heart and not your ego.”

Sarah walks away before he can respond. Harry is about to shut the door when a car pulls up; he recognizes it as Frankie’s, a red pick-up truck.

He smiles; she’s back.

Y/N gets out of the car, greeting Mitch and Sarah with a hug. She frowns when Harry assumes they tell her they can’t stay for dinner. She pulls a bag out from the passenger seat and hands it over to them. Harry feels himself soften because even though she was upset, she still passed to get dinner.

Heart of gold she has.

She’s absolutely perfect, and he might have messed it all up.

Y/N hugs Frankie before moving towards Harry, a bag of food in her hand. She doesn’t meet his eyes but walks past him into the house.

Harry closes the door behind him and watches her set the bag of food that he can now see is Thai food from his favorite place three blocks away. She stands there, nervously playing with a robin ring on her index finger, slipping it on and off.

“Uh…you’re right, I’ve been suffocating,” she says softly.

Harry sighs, “No.” But it’s like she doesn’t hear him because she keeps going.

“I can stay with Frankie for a while, this is your home as well, and I won’t kick you out. Or, if you want your own space, Mitch said he could drive you over to your apartment. I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Harry feels the tears coming, god he doesn’t deserve her or her sympathy let alone her love.

“You don’t need to go anywhere. I want you right here. Need you right here.” Harry takes a small step toward her hoping she won’t back away.

Y/N doesn’t, but she also doesn’t look at him either. It breaks his heart.

“Will you please look at me, angel?” He pleads.

She lifts her head, eyes red and swollen. He did that. He made her cry.

Maybe he does deserve to feel this hurt.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean a word I said. I was upset and angry, and I took it out on you when I shouldn’t have. It’s not an excuse for what I did, and you don’t have to forgive me, but I’m so sorry.”

“Why are you upset?”

“Ribs aren’t fully healed, and I was ready to go back to work.”

Y/N nods because she knows what he means. He was ready to go back to work because he has been spending so much time with her.

“Right, because you need to be away from me. I got it.”

“God, no. Baby, no.” Harry cups her face. “Not at all.”

“Then what, Harry!” She tries to shout, but it comes out soft as tears begin to fall down her face. “I love you, but you’re not making any sense.”

Harry sighs, “I’m afraid that if I don’t go back soon, then everyone will see me as weak, that you’ll see me as weak.”

“Harry,” she whispers.

“I know, it’s ridiculous. I love how you care for me but me not being able to do the same kills me.”

“But you do,” she smiles; it’s the first one since she came back. “You watch my favorite shows and read books I’ve read because you want to discuss them with me. You try all my desserts without a complaint. You let me take care of you. You love me because you smile at me every morning and without fail greet me with a kiss.”

Harry lets his tears fall, wanting to soak in her words. “You love me in the little moments as well as the big. I’m sorry, I left. I wanted to give you space, clear your head as I did the same without upsetting each other more.”

“I’m sorry, I pushed you out of your house.” Harry presses a kiss on her cheek. “Will you forgive me?”

“Course, H.” Y/N wraps her arms around his waist. “Don’t like fighting.” She tells him as she nuzzles her face in his chest.

“Me either.” Harry sighs in content, happy to have her back in his arms where she belongs. “Were you serious about me moving in? I mean, we’ve only been together five months now.”

“Said it in the heat of the moment.” Harry nods, not letting her see his frown. “But it doesn’t mean I didn’t mean it. Five months may seem like little time, but with everything we’ve been through, it feels much longer.”

Harry smiles, “Yeah, I hate when people say this, but I do mean it. It feels like you’ve been a part of my life from the start.”

Y/N nods, knowing what he means, “Let’s make this our home. I want you to leave your shoes by the door and help me do laundry on Sundays. I want it all with you.”

“Getting to wake up to you every day and come home to you every night, there’s nothing I want more,” Harry confesses.

“I love you, Harry.”

“And I love you, my angel.”

Harry pulls her in for a final hug, not wanting to stop touching her, just needs her in his arms for the rest of the night.

“Dinner time?” He asks.

“Yes, please.” Y/N goes to pull away, but Harry holds her tight.

She looks up at him, eyes red but no longer sad. “Kiss, please?”

Y/N smiles at him fondly, giving a slight nod. Harry leans in, brushing their lips together softly, nervous she might pull away, but she doesn’t; instead, she presses herself closer to him. It’s a kiss that centers him, that reminds him he didn’t mess it all up, that at the end of the day, she came back to him. The kiss is soft, and Harry feels all the love she’s pouring in, and Harry hopes she can feel it from him as well.

Harry pulls back, pressing a final kiss to her lips.

“Now, dinner or shower first.”

“Shower want to hold you, angel,” Harry confesses.

“Alright, but no funny business.” She teases.

Harry gasps, “I would never.”

She giggles, making her way to the bedroom, with Harry following behind.

Harry leans against the doorway, watching Y/N set her clothes for the night on the bed, then going to his drawers to do the same. He wants this forever; he wants her to fluff his pillows, to warm his blanket, to run her fingers through his hair, to massage his back, relieving all the tension he has built up. He’s decided he’d let her shower him in love and bask in it because it doesn’t mean she sees him as weak; it’s her way of showing she wants to take care of him and who is he to deny her of that.

Harry feels his heart grow when she heads to the bathroom but stops turning to him with an outstretched hand; he steps forward, intertwining their fingers.

Yeah, he’s going to love her for a long time.

_____

Here's more firefighter harry because this wrote itself and in a matter of two days. will eventually write more for firefighter harry but will be focusing on other work :)

[cube-cumb3r]

The Means Reflect On The Ends Actually, (c!Dream & the conditioning of Exile)

What was the point of exile, storywise? What does it say about c!Dream? Sure, it’s showcasing how far he’s willing to go to achieve his own ends, but I don't think all discussion about what exile tells us about c!Dream should start and end there.

Dream is not cruel for cruelty’s sake. Dream’s end goal is not to hurt as many people as possible. He views his cruelty are “necessary evils”, and he doesn’t dwell much on whether the things he does are “good” or “bad”. He’s fully aware he’s hurting people and he ultimately thinks that hurting people, to the extent that he does, is worth it. That being said, while Dream has an ends justify the means mindset, but the truth is, the means absolutely reflect on the ends. His true intentions aren’t a mystery, it’s very clear in the text that his ultimate goal is unity, but why does he want unity? And what would said unity entail?

(Before this essay starts I have to do an ad break to promo @daggryet's very helpful [transcriptions from the exile streams], which I'll be using a lot of. Thanks for the very helpful resource.)

TW: Relatively extensive discussion abt the abuse in exile arc & the effects of said abuse.

Firstly, I don't think you should deny his relationship to control. A through-line of his character is achieving harmony through control, and more specifically, obedience. There’s a reason why he tends to single out Tommy the most. It’s not actually because Tommy is remarkably more troublesome than anyone else on the server, but rather, because his disruptive nature is at Dream’s expense. Tommy is the only character who’s consistently over and over again refused to respect Dream’s authority, and though he isn’t particularly threatening on his own, it’s the sentiment itself that’s dangerous. Similarly, this is why he has consistently targeted L’manburg, moreso than any other faction on the server such as, say, Badlands, El Rapids. It’s almost as if they represented the sentiment, “Hey, why are we listening to you anyway? Why can’t we be listening to anyone else?”, which is why he crushed them, over, and over again. What if everyone figures out they can just stop listening to him? What then?

We talk a lot about the effects exile had on Tommy, and rightfully so, but we don’t talk enough about what Dream was actually doing. What was the purpose of exile? Was it just a way to get closer to the discs? Just a means to an end? What was the end?

TOMMY: What, what could you possibly want more from me? You’ve tortured me.

DREAM: I’m just keeping an eye on you, Tommy.

TOMMY: What does that mean?!

DREAM: I’m just, I’m making sure that you’re not up to no good.

TOMMY: But, how, you’ve exiled me, you fucking stupid, manipulative fucking green bastard!

DREAM: I know! And you know why I did that?

TOMMY: Yes? 

DREAM: No, you know why?

TOMMY: Why?

DREAM: Because you don’t listen to me ever, you’re the only person who doesn’t ever listen to me. If I tell you to do something, you’re like “no, fuck you!”, and you go and like do like the exact opposite.

[full transcription]

As much as I have to preface this with that this is speculative and we may not have any irrefutable confirmation, I think it's very likely that it's literally just what Dream is saying he's doing. Tommy is the one person who refuses to listen to him, and he wants him to listen. Exile was not only conditioning Tommy to believe that nobody other than Dream cares about him, not only conditioning Tommy to be entirely reliant on him, but also conditioning Tommy to listen to him, without question, without disobeying. And that is such a significant and reoccurring motif for it to arguably just be the intended reading of exile.

Abuse is a vague term that encompasses a lot of abusive practices. There are a good handful that apply to exile, I'm sure if you ask someone qualified they'll be able to provide you a nice handy list, but ultimately, all of them target Tommy's own sense of agency and autonomy, and it all revolves around power and control. Dream creates rituals purely to disarm him, threatens him and punishes him when he doesn't listen, and rewards him when he complies (or rather, conditions Tommy into thinking that not being punished is a reward).

TOMMY: [begins throwing his armor and axe down for DREAM to explode.]

DREAM: No, no, it’s fine.

TOMMY: Re-really?

DREAM: Yeah. Today’s the party, right?

---

TOMMY: So when can I- no, I wanna go back. I… hey, thanks for letting me keep my armour today.

DREAM: You’re welcome.

TOMMY: Kinda nice of you.

[full transcription]

Dream isn’t only hurting Tommy for the sake of hurting him. People tend to frame it as if Dream Just Hates Tommy, but that’s not true. He finds Tommy fun, in a twisted way. There are a lot of moments in exile where they’re both on very good terms and Dream is friendly with Tommy. But, it's also all part of horror of exile, making Tommy reliant on him and his company, getting him to doubt his sense of reality, making him question whether his friends back in L’manburg ever cared about him at all, and possibly questioning whether he’s imagining the abuse as well, Dream is so kind to him after all, why would he ever want to hurt him?

Over the course of exile Tommy agency and sense of self start to deteriorate as well as his mental health, he starts worrying about what Dream would think, starts asking Dream for permission, going out of his way to avoid upsetting him, his only friend, his only reliable caring companion.

TOMMY: Yeah, so I’m thinking we- and then I can- but the thing is; so recently my buddy, Dream, has been doing this thing where he, uhm… it makes sense, though, because I’m not in his land anymore, but he takes my shit from me, so I need to make sure- […]

---

RANBOO: Yeah, so what do you say- does Dream like take your armor? Is that what you said?

TOMMY: I don’t know, he just- hey man, I just follow the boss.

[full transcription]

TOMMY: “Visit Techno” no, no, what would Dream think? […]

---

TOMMY: I’ve had a little idea, by the way, and I wanna know what you think, and also if I’m allowed

DREAM: Okay?

[full transcription]

TOMMY: Yeah, I know he’s actually - he’s sort of my- he’s borderline my owner, Big Q, so I’m not really sure.

MEXICAN DREAM: He’s your dad?

TOMMY: No, no-

MEXICAN DREAM: Ey! Ey, Papa Thomas!

TOMMY: No, no, we’re- as in labor.

MEXICAN DREAM: You gotta teach your child some manners.

[full transcription]

Dream’s outburst in exile after finding Tommy’s chests, is arguably one of Dream's most emotionally honest (and reckless) moments in exile considering it was what made Tommy realize he needed to save himself and escape. And it's punishing Tommy for going behind his back and planning to revolt.

TOMMY: I’m really, no, I’m really sorry, though. Why don’t we just pretend this never- yeah, let’s, shall we just pretend this-?

DREAM: Sorry doesn’t cut it, Tommy. Listen, I’ll leave you here to think about what you did-

TOMMY: What about the nether? What about the nether, my friends, what-?

DREAM: No! You can’t go to the nether, no one can come here, you are alone, okay? As soon as I think that you have changed, have become somebody who isn’t going to hide and lie and try and revolt; then people can visit you again. You can go to the nether again. But for now - no, no one can. You- I was being very lenient. Yesterday I let you go into the Dream SMP on a temporary pass, and then what do I find out the next day?

TOMMY: I’m so sorry.

DREAM: I have been nothing but gracious to you. Tommy. Think about what you did.

---

Exile wasn’t only a means to getting closer to the discs or getting Tommy out of the way. Exile was a means to conditioning Tommy into listening and respecting Dream as his superior. Dreams solution to Tommy being disruptive and troublesome was to [physically beat], emotionally abuse, and psychologically condition him into obedience. Only seeing exile as a testament to how far how willing he was go to meet his ends is reductive, and not acknowledging what Dream considers to be a “problem” and what he considers to be “solutions” is to not engage with his worldview. You have to take exile into account and what it actually says about his ideals of harmony and unity.

---

TOMMY: I can’t go back… I can’t go back, and see my friends and see Tubbo. This is a shithole! He wasn’t- he wasn’t here ‘cause he was my friend. He was here to- what did he say on the first day? Got a little bug that he can’t flig off? I’m the only person who never does exactly what he says?

TOMMY: I’m the only person who never does what he says. Me! He said that to me, didn’t he?

TOMMY: He was here to watch me.

[full transcription]

Dream’s relationship to Tommy can (and honestly should) be compared to his relationship to the entire server at large. Not to imply that He Literally Wants To Abuse The Server, but rather the he views the server revolting as a problem, and the solution? Well. The [prison]. The hall of attachments. It’s no surprise that the disc war, a conflict that was initially only primarily between Dream and Tommy*, is suddenly about everyone. Bargaining and blackmailing using attachments, something Dream initially only subjected Tommy to, to keep him under his control, is now a means to control everyone.

Is Dream's goal of unity for the sake of the overall happiness and quality of life of the people living within said unity? I don’t doubt that this at some point in time was true. But, the fact that he’s willing to ruin lives and long-term psychologically destroy people over it, means that his goal isn’t unity for the sake of the people living in his ideal version of the server, but at their expense. Him believing he needs to control people to maintain unity and harmony means that he believes himself to know what's best for people moreso than the people themselves, and therefore he's the only one responsible enough to make decisions for them. And it also means that his motives has warped and twisted overtime, it’s likely that he’s become so fixated on the goal of unity itself that he’s lost track of why he wanted it in the first place.

Anyway. Stop buying into Dream's own self-justification of "ends justify the means" and put his deeply flawed and broken worldview and view of people under a little bit of goddam scrutiny.

[voiceless-terror]

Hey! If your still taking prompts I would love one where the season 1 crew finds out about Mr. Spider. Any scenario is awesome, but if you need ideas- Jon having a panic attack over a spider, or maybe one of the others losing it on Jon over his skepticism and Jon just breaks down, maybe he snaps at Martin particularly hard for a lecture on spiders when it’s a Bad Day. Anyway, thanks, and no pressure! Writing is hardTM

Hi there! I actually tried to incorporate as many of the bits from your prompt as I could- you’ll have to tell me if I succeeded. Hope you like! :)

Jon’s never had his own office before. Just a desk or a cubicle, a study carrel where he could bury his head in a book and avoid prying eyes. But now he has an office- surprisingly spacious, cluttered as it is. It’s nice for privacy. But it has its drawbacks- specifically, a very mundane one.

People knock.

It’s common courtesy, of course. It is polite to knock. Martin’s is tentative, three soft raps against the door. Tim’s is a booming ‘Shave and a Haircut,’ irritating and playful. 

Sasha’s is a brisk knock knock. No time or gesture wasted. Just knock knock. Simple, unassuming. It shouldn’t bother anyone.

After one week, Jon starts leaving his door open. It’s easier.

Today Martin peers around the doorway, a brief nod in Jon’s direction as he lifts his head from the statement on his desk. No smile, no question of how he’s doing. I deserve that, Jon supposes. Yesterday, he’d caught the tail end of Martin’s mumbling about his ‘ridiculous skepticism’ to Tim and promptly blew up, spitting insults over his research methods and incompetence. It was not his finest hour. By the end of it, Martin looked rightfully hurt and upset, and Tim just shook his head in disappointment as Jon barricaded himself in his office, this time closing the door.

Still, Martin brings him tea. Jon doesn’t know what to do with the feeling that stirs in him.

He moves softly, trying to make as little noise as possible as he sets the steaming mug down on the corner of his desk. Jon turns to him, ready to at least provide a thank you and a half-hearted apology when he sees it out of the corner of his eye.

A spider.

Just sitting there, staring at him from its perch inches away from the mug. The basement’s littered with them, unsurprisingly. Still, he can’t stifle the yelp of fear and disgust that tears its way out of his throat. His hands automatically grab at the nearest weapon - a particularly heavy tome- and his arms rear back, ready to strike. He isn’t expecting a strong hand to wrap around his forearm, stopping him in place.

It’s Martin’s hand. He knows it’s Martin’s hand. But that desperate, childish part of his mind that he tries to keep locked away is screaming black-spindly-leg- spider, it’s a spider, it’s a spider-

“Don’t touch me!” It’s a screech, louder than he meant it to be as he wrenches his arm out of the grip, chair hitting the wall with the force of the motion. Martin’s talking and Jon can barely hear because the spider is there, just sitting and staring and watching-

“I’m sorry! You shouldn’t kill it, though. I’ll bring it outside. C’mere.” Martin’s coaxing the thing into his hand, like it’s not monstrous, like it’s fine. “See? Nothing to worry about!”

Nothing to worry about, Martin says. It’s hard to reconcile that with the tightness in his chest, the quickening breaths that don’t seem to get him much air at all. Martin’s giving him a concerned look, edging closer as if to comfort him but that thing’s still in his hand, why is it still in his hand? He flinches, barely aware of the litany he’s muttering under his breath- please please don’t touch me.

There’s more people in the room, now. When did Sasha and Tim arrive? Why are they looking at him? Martin’s mouth moves but Jon hears nothing, just watches with wild eyes as Sasha ushers him out of the room as soon as she sees the spider. But he can still feel it’s crawling legs all over- light now, not strong. Just a teasing torment. He itches at his skin, fingernails digging into the worn sweater as if trying to reach bone. Tim’s moving forward, hands out as if he means to touch- can’t he hear what Jon’s saying? Why won’t they listen?

“...not going to touch you, I promise. But you have to breathe slower...going to pass out.”

He tries to focus on Tim’s breathing, the exaggerated rise and fall of his chest barely visible through his blackening vision. Tim nods encouragingly and Jon’s heartbeat lowers incrementally as he’s finally able to get a few deep breaths in, labored as they are. He doesn’t know how long they sit there for. 

“Good job, boss.” Tim’s smiling but really, there’s nothing to smile about. All Jon feels now is a bone-deep exhaustion; he doesn’t even have the energy to summon embarrassment. He nods at Tim’s hands when they finally approach, letting himself be pulled to his feet though Tim takes most of his weight.

“There’s a cot in the back of document storage,” Martin’s back, worry clear in his voice. The spider’s gone. Maybe Sasha killed it after Martin let it go. She didn’t like them much either. “Might be more comfortable back there.”

“He’s got a cot here, really?” Tim’s voice isn’t directed at him. “We’re going to have a talk about that.” It’s like he’s not in the room. It’s nice, in a detached sort of way. Jon’s not one for talking right now. 

“I’m sorry,” Martin’s apologizing to him, or maybe around him. He doesn’t like causing scenes, Jon thinks. “I didn’t realize it was that bad, or I wouldn’t have-”

“It’s fine,” Sasha’s saying from behind him.  “It’s not like Jon comes with a user manual. We learned that the hard way.”

“Just maybe let him kill the spiders from now on,” Tim says as he deposits Jon on the cot, frowning at his refusal to lie down. He doesn’t need a nap, just a short rest. He might close his eyes. He hasn’t decided yet.

Martin’s still talking. “...And that fight, yesterday. I shouldn’t have said those things, set him off-”

“They were true, and Jon was being awful to you. You know his moods-”

Jon wants to interrupt. Wants to tell Martin he’s sorry, that he shouldn’t have yelled. That he didn’t mean (most of) those things he said, that being called out on his dismissals makes him feel even smaller. That's how he copes, by lashing out and sniping. What comes out instead is slurred, and altogether more revealing than he would have liked.

“I read a book, once.” 

Tim pauses on his way out the door, presumably to get Jon water or a granola bar or something else he didn’t need. “What was that, boss?”

“A book.” His voice gets louder, and Martin and Sasha go silent. It’s nice when they listen. Jon goes on. “I was eight or so, I don’t know. It was a stupid, childish thing, but it was horrible. A-” he stops here, pauses to take another shaky breath “-A Guest for Mr. Spider. From the library of-”

“Jurgen Leitner.” Sasha finishes, staring at him with unblinking, curious eyes. She loves a good story, nosy thing she is. Jon likes that about her when it comes to research, and not other things. He nods. 

“It felt wrong. Violent. I hated it. You would’ve too, if you saw it.” If Martin read it, Jon wonders, briefly, maybe he would hate them too. “And it wasn’t just a book. It should have been- should have been just a stupid, scary little story about a spider and a fly. But it wasn’t.” He doesn’t want to say the specific words. Doesn’t want to speak the book back into existence, as if the very mention would make it manifest. “He was real, in the end. Mr. Spider. He was real, but he didn’t get me. He got- he got someone else.”

Jon doesn’t cry. He thinks he should, but he doesn’t. “I’ve forgotten his name, you know? The one he took. I don’t think I could place him in a crowd, not even if I tried. Not that I could. He’s dead, has to be. He wasn’t a nice person- a bully, really. But he was just a kid. A kid who had the unfortunate luck to have met me.”

He feels oddly calm, even as his three assistants stare on in horror (and fascination, in Sasha’s case. There’s a strange tightness in Tim’s face that Jon can’t quite figure out). He turns his gaze to Martin, because he’s not done yet. He needs him to know why. “The statements, the tapes- I-I don’t know where to begin. It’s like I’m not even talking. It’s like living it. And I can’t do anything about it.” Martin’s face softens to something like sympathy, but he still doesn’t understand. “The follow-up- those are my words. They’re the only words I have control over.” Words have meaning. Words have power. Jon read a monster into existence and it devoured someone whole. What else will he do, given the chance? Given the right words? “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled.”

Martin doesn’t say anything. Jon doesn’t blame him- whatever he was expecting, it certainly wasn’t Jon’s childhood trauma. He’s probably revealed too much.

“That’s…” It’s Tim who’s speaking, his tone unreadable as he draws a hand across his face in sudden exhaustion. “Okay. Take a break, boss. A nap or something. You look like you’re going to collapse.” Jon feels it. “We can talk later. About... all of this. It’s uh, good to know, though. Thanks- thanks for telling us.” The words seem genuine, although his face is oddly hard and serious. Jon nods, finally allowing his eyes to close as he leans into the lumpy, uncomfortable mattress. Someone draws a blanket over him, but he doesn’t know who.

“Sorry. I’ll, ah, kill the spiders from now on. Just in case they’re the bad ones, yeah?”

Martin, then.   

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27700379

[spookysmujer]

Mi Hombre, O. Diaz

Summary: You overhear Monse trash talking about Oscar and you’ve had enough of him being painted as the villain. 

warnings: monse being a hater!, cute s h e t, freak s h e t  👅

word counter: 1.5K

requested by: @un-poetryy​

A/N: I always give the “bad” guys the benefit of the doubt because my attraction to toxic men began with Damon Salvatore LOL. Thank you for requesting, I love trying new things when writing for Spooky, this was fun! SEND ME ASKS/REQUESTS! I finally turned on the Anon option, heh. And don’t forget, please: follow, heart it and leave some comments, reblog and also turn on the notifs for when I post! Lots of love!!

taglist: @clemmingstylins0n​ @fairygardenss​ @firebenderwolf​ @spookysnena​ @princesstiffxoxo​ @mbaku-babygirl​ @chellybear98​ @multiyfandomgirl40​ @i-just-wanna-live-gc​ (please let me know if you wanna be added or removed!)

(Gif doesn’t belong to me, owner unknown!)

The sun is warm against your skin and the slight breeze is adding to a perfect summer day. Now that school is out, the public pool has extended it’s days of operations and hours, so here you are out with you boyfriend’s little brother and friends, tanning and having a relaxing day.

Oscar called you saying to meet him at the pool since he’s really trying to avoid spending any alone time at home with his estranged father. As you await his arrival, you’re laying back and letting the sun fill in the paler parts of your skin due to your bikini straps. And it’s been lovely but you’re starting to lose you’re patience as Monse, Cesar’s toxic ass girlfriend, keeps talking ill about Oscar.

You sigh once more as you try to zero out on the things she is saying about him but it’s getting real hard to bite your tongue the more she goes on. It’s Oscar “Spooky” Diaz and of course everyone has an opinions about everyone. And rightfully so but Monse only says bad things about her boyfriend’s older brother. Every single time it’s something negative. And granted you don’t spend much time with her, it’s sad that she can’t say one good thing.

It’s also when Oscar is never around and the devil is prying to get out of you to say something. Oh, please say something. But you keep your eyes closed and pray that your boyfriend arrives soon. The last thing you want is to cause a scene in a family area.

“I mean he’s been hanging around a lot and it’s just annoying he gotta bring his gang tendencies when it’s been clear as day you don’t want nothing to do with it. Doesn’t he have drugs to sell? or other people to jump into the gang?” Monse says and you huff audibly.

Though you got your eyes closed, you could feel her gaze move to you briefly.

Cesar only sighs as Monse kept on going and that was the tip of the iceberg for you. How can Cesar not defend is older brother? You know the shit the Diaz brothers have been through but to not defend someone who has defended you on countless occasions?

“Seriously? You really going keep talking shit, Monse? I’m convinced you’re obsessed with Oscar since all you ever do is talk about him,” You’ve had enough, you get up and say to her as you stand above them,

Both she and Cesar look up at you, surprised. “I-I, uh, was just saying th-”

“No, you weren’t just fucking saying nothing. You’re trash talking his brother and my boyfriend and it’s shit on me to have waited this long to say something but you’re such a pussy for only knowing how to talk smack when he’s not around.”

She tilts her head to the side and stands to cross her arms over her chest, “I have no problem saying this to his face as well. He must have you whipped if you are too blind to see that all he is is trouble, Y/N. You’re a smart girl, you deserve someone better than Oscar.”

If you could see the world in a single color right now, it’d be red and for Monse it’s about to be black considering you want to pop her one right in the mouth. You’re at a disbelief that she can’t give Oscar the benefit of the doubt considering he has done a lot for his brother and group of friends. Everytime there had been an issue that they couldn’t solve, which was 99.9% of the time, Oscar came in with the save.

You see your boyfriend walk through the gated entrance of the public pool. He makes his way over to the food stand and you smile to yourself, the sight of him always making you melt, “ I am a smart girl, thank you. I’m smart enough to know that no one in this world is perfect. We all have flaws, Oscar knows it too. But you’re quick to forget that if it weren’t for him, you all would probably be 6 feet under next to Lil Ricky, who isn’t even 6 feet under might I add!”

She laughs a little to herself before continuing, “And we wouldn’t have gotten in those situations had Oscar not jumped his little brother into that stupid gang of wannabes anyways! Who does that? Forces his own family into something he didn’t want to be apart of? That’s messed up! And you the complicit one that stands by not saying anything!” Monse says loudly, now catching the attention of those around you. Even Oscar is now looking your way, you and Monse in each other’s faces. 

You weren’t planning to make a big scene about this, you just wanted to call her out on her bullshit peacefully, if that is even possible. But if the shoe fits? You lace that bitch up and wear it.

You scoff and step closer to her face, “Cesar grew up in this life, wake the fuck up, Monse! It looks like a duck, it quacks like a duck, it’s a fucking duck! Think this lil duckling was gonna join the rabbit family and live a peaceful life? That is how the world revolves, that is how people like us survive. Whether you like it or not. Yes, it is messed up. And I can promise you, Oscar never wanted this life to begin with, not for him and definitely not for his brother, whom he raised. Was it a perfect life? No. But it was and still is enough.

“So I swear to God, if you can’t say anything nice please shut the fuck up. Don’t say shit. Because if you wanna point out flaws, let’s all do it, hm? Gather around family and friends, “ You look around and say, “We’re gonna play the What’s wrong with Monse game I’ll start, she’s toxic as fuck! She loves to play the victim, she’s dating a freshly jumped in Santo, which she claims are wannabe gangsters!”

Everyone’s attention is on you now, Oscar is trying his best not to laugh at the situation but when you get argumentative, it’s a damn good time. You have valid points and Monse knows it. The people with the most problems never like to admit them. She has a look of embarrassment plastered on her face.

“Y/N...” Cesar speaks up, also with a look of embarrassment on his face. He scratches the back of his head as he looks around and spots his brother in the distant. Oscar raises his water bottle in the air as a notion of, Salud. 

You cross your arms and wait for him to say something but he only looks down at his feet and rocks on his heels. Monse’s mouth agape at his lack of input, “What’s wrong? You upset he’s not defending you? That’s how complicit ones are, sweetheart. They see the problem and let it go on so long as it’s not personally affecting them. Which means you probably just a piece of culo. And also means he’s a little puto for not defending his brother. A little bitch! Both of you!”

“Hey, hey mamas. Calmate, com’n. Let’s go get some food, hm?” Oscar appears and starts to pull you away as you spew out the last of your words. He can feel your skin is warm to the touch and it is not from the tanning either.

He is smiling like a fool once you two make your way to the stand, “Wow, my lady defends my name even when I’m not around.”

You shake your head and cross you arms, exhaling a much needed breath through your nose. Monse is collecting her things, angrily and storming out to the parking lot. A frantic Cesar following, you look back to Oscar and both laugh.

“Was I too harsh?” You ask him, he shakes his head in disagreement.

“Nah, bout time someone tells her off and you did just that. It’s hot, y’know? Calling them out for talking shit.” You look to him and whack your arm on his stomach, he wraps his arms around you and kisses the top of you head. “What else would my lil traviesa do for me?”

As you tip your head back to answer, Jasmine walks towards the two of you blasting music from her phone.

I don’t wanna spit, I wanna gulp

I wanna gag, I wanna choke

I want you to touch that lil dangly dang that swang in the back of my throat

You look to Oscar and wink at him, feeling the hardness in his swim trunks as you lick your lips. He clears his throat looking at Jasmine that means to leave. She snobs you two and walks off.

“Aye, you gotta walk in front me. He won’t let up.” You look between the two of you and see his boner. Laughing away, you let him trail very close behind you.

[lukesperfectharmonyhair]

im rewatching jatp instead of studying for the 3 tests i have tomorrow and i thought i would share my thoughts and reactions with each episode so enjoy!!....

wake up

- hearing the “1, 2, 3″ at the start of the episode gives me more serotonin than my antidepressants ever will

- julie’s slippers...that’s it...that’s the thought

- that dry ass pasta the molina’s are eating for dinner??? someone needs to give my man ray some cooking tips or a cookbook... something

-the looks the boys give julie when she says it was an OLD cd she found. as if they could be old??

-the entire julie and luke kitchen scene i mean there are no words to describe how much i am in love with scene. the banter, the flirting, luke giving this girl he literally just met an actual PIECE OF HIS SOUL so she can get music back into her life. not a single time have i watched that scene and not felt my heart literally grow cause of how cute they are. 

-the entire scene when julie is singing wake up. that scene is what made me literally CRAVE watching the other episodes. like of course i was going to watch them cause i wasn’t gonna just stop watching a show after one episode, and yes the show was good already but seeing the lighting and her voice, and just everything about the scene,,,,*chef’s kiss* 

bright

-flynn drinking seven sodas....SEVEN??? i would be throwing up if i drank more than like 2 and she drank seven,,,no ma’am.

- flynn and her trumpet. talented queen

- “ i wouldn’t have given you the song if i didnt think you were gonna rock it.” lmaooo im crying:)

- i start tearing up every time julie goes to play the first notes of bright,,, and then i’m full on bawling when the guys come in and play with her cause...they weren’t playing to be seen they were playing to be there for her and play to comfort her. pls i love them<3

- nick vibing in the front row

- the tech guy deserves so much more praise

flying solo

- reggie’s little butt shake or whatever you wanna call it!!

- julie’s little laugh when she yells at the guys to stop it

- “and we’re on the runway again” GENUINELY one of my favorite lines of the whole show pls i love luke’s humor

-this is the first time i noticed this but reggie’s face after alex says “DONT TELL ME HOW TO GHOST!”

-WILLIE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU<3333333

-the slow mo helmet take off,,,,me too alex me too

-willie’s little giggles:))))

- “oh-oh!”

- “no clue” alex i love you baby<3

- next season better give us a scene of flynn throwing eggs at someone’s house because i think it’s safe to say we were robbed of that experience. 

- the flying solo performance is just amazing

i got the music

- just the whole opening scene is so cute ....the dancing, singing, happiness RADIATING from julie 

-nick in an all white suit and fedora

-WILLEX MUSEUM DATE YEAH BABYYYYY

- carefree skateboarder bf and anxiety ridden drummer bf

- yelling. in. museums. 

-alex thinking he’s literally dying again because of the salt... zero braincells in this band.

- another scene we were robbed of that i need to see in season 2...reggie singing “home is where my horse is” while alex and julie sit patiently and attentively listen to him but luke looks like he’s about to commit murder

- i get SO MUCH second hand embarrassment for julie when she looks through luke’s songbook and says “ wow luke I didn’t know you were such a romantic” julie baby i love you but...eekkkkk

- “he looks like a substitute teacher”- where did he come up with that like so many other things he could be compared to but a substitute teacher??

- “luke introduced you to rock” heck yeah it did.. literal soulmates

- would like to see a picture of the raccoon in Flynn’s backyard

- wee woo wee woo police sirens://///

- julie’s outfit ughhhh i love it

- the poster that im pretty sure says “sexiest role” behind caleb... why was that necessary 

the other side of hollywood

- THE ENTIRE PERFORMANCE OF THE OTHER SIDE OF HOLLYWOOD 

- i lose my absolute shit over this song omg literal chills

- the cape grab i cannot physically do this rn

- willie being so excited the entire performance and looking over to see alex’s reaction

- reggie being in awe everytime one of the girls performing does something.. me too reggie

-”well i wouldn't really call it mAAgiCcCC bUT”

- nick and his fedora again

- alex has a crush, alex has a crush on.....WILLIE

-the boys eating food for the first time in 25 years is honestly so realistic

-alex shoving a whole slice of pizza in his mouth

- lukes ‘OH MY GODDDDD’

- reggie kissing his meatball sub that looks painfully dry but also delicious 

- the continuation of the other side of hollywood performance and everyone dancing

-reggie imitating caleb’s evil laugh and owen trying so hard not to break

-me getting mad at the boys for not showing up for julie and being sad with her but at the same time i’m obviously not mad at the boys just...disappointed?? idk 

finally free

- how did julie get to the school if she missed the first three classes?? wasn’t she still at flynn’s house from the night before cause she slept over so did she walk to school or was she just sitting in flynn’s house by herself and one of flynn’s parents was like you gonna go to school or???

-dance class with nicky poo<3

-reggie fixing his amp in the rain

-julie’s blue dress outfit in this episode is my ABSOLUTE favorite 

- the birthday candle scene makes me sob like a little baby,,,and rightfully so

- julie smart, smart to be taking calculus as what a sophomore??

- all eyes on me yes queen iconic

- alex dancing is how i dance in my brain whenever the song comes on 

- finally free as a song is NEVER given enough credit and why not?? it’s my favorite song they do as a band AND the madison’s vocals and the echoing part omg i loveeeee

- and the whole performance with luke’s heart eyes. i count this performance as the moment luke like fell in love with julie...like full on just blown away with how much awe and admiration he has for her in that moment and all the time.

 - julie and luke singing “and you’re a part of me” while staring directly into each others soul,,,yeah that’s love kids

edge of great

- carlos being the ghost hunter he is and tía being done with him

- luke’s pouting face 

- reggie and ray making breakfast together is so wholesome. reggie really loves and seeks comfort in ray and i love that

- luke just waiting next to julie’s locker and his little “hey”

- the first time i watch this scene i thought charlie was from new york cause of the way he says “ i can't do this without you” and then i watched the cast interviews and just realized he is somewhat joey tribbiani 

- jealous luke hehehehehhehehe

- “well dont you look shARrP”- yes he does luke thank you very much

- “uh oh i think someone has a crush on julie” yeah you do you little shit,,, now admit it to her

- the proud look on luke’s face when he realizes julie is still paying attention to HIM even though she’s supposed to be having a full on conversation with nick

- the shoulder push ( as someone who has had their own shoulder pushed in the middle of a high school hallway as a weird way of flirting,,,,i can definitely somewhat attest to how luke is feeling in that moment and i too continued to flirt with the person who shoulder shoved me while we were still standing in the hallway)

- the flow from whatever the hell dance nick and julie are doing and the perfect harmony dance is so special to me and i love it

-ADOANCLOBNAOVBCOAB THE HAIR PLSSSSS

- EVERYTIME THE SCENE COMES ON AND I SEE HIM WALKING THROUGH THE MIRROR I HAVE TO PAUSE THE SHOW FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES WHILE I DIE LAUGHING BECAUSE THE HAIR IS SO BAD EVEN THOUGH I SHOULD BE USED TO HOW IT LOOKS AFTER WATCHING THIS SHOW LITERALLY 30 TIMES

- i think people see my username and assume i like his hair in this scene but...ummm fun little fact i do not like it

- the dance is so good though ugh my babies

- the hair

- madison is gorgeous 

- another season 2 scene i need: julie teaching this dance to luke and they perform it in front of alex and reggie so they can see luke roll on the floor like that

-the hair

- the lift i loveeee

- the voices at the end of the song *chef’s kiss*

- the way julie spins out from luke and into nick omg so good

- “thAnKs pArTnER”

- luke denying his feelings for julie,,,babe pls

- the whole edge of great performance is so good and beautiful and the colors are SPECTACULAR 

-julie avoiding luke’s gaze lolz

- can't believe my mans really tried to deny he didn’t have feelings for julie like 5 hours earlier even though he’s getting upset because she hasn’t looked at him in 2 minutes

- THE. GUITAR. RIFF. SOLO.

- when i finally learn how to play the electric guitar well enough to learn the guitar solo... it’s over for everyone

-nick just came to watch the girl he likes perform not watch her flirt with a hologram plssss can we give this man a break next season.

- “we have to say goodbye to julie”- that’s literally more important to luke than not playing music anymore because julie is music to him now

unsaid emily

-already crying and the episode hasn't even started

-willex in the orpheum

- alex literally being OVER reggie

- nope too emotionally unstable to watch this scene right now

- my therapist will be hearing about this tomorrow

- show us the baby picture of luke cowards

- this is such a beautiful song that makes me cry every fucking time gosh damn it

- everytime i watch the flashback scene of luke on his bike i think of “christmas song” by phoebe bridges and i cry even more

- i tried to learn how to play this song on my electric guitar (because i dont have an acoustic guitar) and i ended up crying half way through so i do not think i will be playing it anytime soon:/

- the harmonies *chef’s kiss*

- THE POLICE LIGHTS ....i cry

- FAT tears rolling down my face

- there's literally not a moment i don’t cry during this episode

- interesting little relationship :0

- when i played percussion in 7th grade i used to lay down on the couch in the practice room at school ( which god knows what people did on that couch...ew) and stick my drumsticks up my nose too,,,, just another similarity between alex and i 

stand tall

- willie really drove a bus 200 miles into the desert for his crush

- WILLEX HUG 

- i love willie no last name so much,,,i just wanna hold and protect him

- alex’s ballerina dance

-julie’s overall outfit i love<3

- “im swimming”

- the way carlos hangs up the iPad on tía makes me CRACK UP he’s just lmao bye girl

- another julie outfit i love

- “anything julie. you know that.” AHHHHHAASIDSJFPACISN love bitches

- the suits

- luke’s hair in this episode is so much better than the perfect harmony hair pls

- YOU GOT NOTHING TO LOSE

- the way luke looks so restricted and confined in his suit... but at the same time he looks like a 10 week old puppy

-luke’s AGGRESSIVE but small foot tapping leading up to being on the stage

- the solos:)))))

- crying again over julie’s monologue to her mom

- julie really was brave enough to be ready to perform by herself

-the way Trevor looks at carrie when she says “been here before”

-ALEXXXXXX

-REGGIEEEEE

-luuukkKKKEEEEEEE

- this performance makes me cry

- especially the first time when i saw luke flickering...sobs

- he finally looks free in his suit:))

- alex’s solo is so pretty i love him

- reggie’s solo too 

- nick just straight up vibing the entire performance

- alex and luke holding hands...hehehe cute besties

- “thank you, guys” NO THANK YOU 

- the way julie begs for them to do something about the jolts for HER cause she knows luke would never say no to her

- “no music is worth making, julie, if we’re not making it with you,” I JUST SCREAMED AND IM PRETTY SURE I WOKE UP MY ENTIRE HOUSEHOLD...whoops

- going back to that line i could say so much about it but....for someone who’s life was literally MUSIC for the 17 years he was alive, and after finding out he could play music again even though he was dead and saying it made him feel alive, he would give that up- he would give up playing his guitar, playing in a band with his friends, give up writing and singing music- if he wasn’t doing that with julie. that’s more than saying i love you,,,that’s literally like saying i’d give up my ENTIRE LIFE and what i love to do if i dont get to do it with you

- i just made myself cry with that description...wow

-the hug<3

-also imagine how luke felt in that moment,,, hearing this girl, once again that he would give his life up for, saying in his ear that she loves them. i would motherfucking glow too, luke

- *passionately but gently holds each others faces*

-HANDS OFF MY BABY NICK, CALEB

- caleb’s outfit is....something

- the head turn plssss

this was so long and i am so sorry but if you read this far.....leave some of your own reactions or thoughts:)))

k goodnight im gonna, ugh, finally go study ://

[life-rewritten]

The Eternal Burden of Dea*th and Sisyphus; Sisyphus The Myth Ep 5-8

Well, Hello there, this is a surprise. I didn't actually think I was going to be able to come up with another analysis for the Korean drama Sisyphus The Myth. Mostly because, like in the last four new episodes, it's just been jampacked with too many stories, and plots, and villains and just too many things. So it's been hard, getting an understanding of things. When I analyse shows, I tend to have a map in my head; for Sisyphus, the myth, The Greek Myth was my map. I started to think that there was just a lot of deviation from it, and so it was time to throw in the towel and just leave my first theory and analysis of the show as the end-all, be-all. Nothing, in my opinion, has changed with the overall theme and outline used to predict the show. Still, at the same time, the characters start to muddle up with their selfish tasks, and their childish mindsets and the villains all seem to clump together with no real difference to them at first. I could just like group them into three categories based on the first analysis, but I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that because that's not how writers and directors typically use literature bases to tell a story. And that's why it's been very confusing to place where the story is going, and what is the point of watching these idiotic characters make these mistakes over and over and over again. The reason  I was into Sisyphus is because it's a love story; it's a very angsty, forbidden, dramatic, crazy love story between Seohae and Taesul. It is their love that is essentially akin to the metaphor of Sisyphus, the reason for why we are stuck in this infinite loop of misery and suffering. And with these kind of love stories, my heart is affected because all they're trying to do is run away from fate and choose each other, and be with each other no matter what. It's powerful; it's romantic, it's selfish. But it's an exciting premise for a love story.

So I like Sisyphus when I think about the love story; that's all I can really focus on instead of all the time travelling logic, confusion with some plot holes and others. The love story is still interesting, but I also wanted to focus this analysis on showing how much Seohae and Taesul have to suffer for their selfish actions repeatedly. In one perspective, I am appalled by their actions Taesul is such a child, and he's so dumb and selfish, which is very similar to Sisyphus in his own myth, but at least Sisyphus had some benefits when he did something, like he saved his kingdom, I don't know I just hate that Taesul knows what his actions will lead to and yet he's still willing to throw the whole world, his wife's wishes, and his brother's warning to defeat Sigma because of pride. That's essentially what his actions are leading to. It's so annoying. Meanwhile, Seohae gets to unveil her own secrets and storyline, and all I can say is poor her; she's in love with someone who is the constant source of her strife and pain, but what can she do? He's also probably her continuous source of life and purpose, she's just a victim of Taesul's idiocy, but I also think she's just as annoying and dumb as him because she too is repeating the same mistakes over and over again. She's not strong no matter how much she believes in stopping Taesul or getting out of this cursed loop they're in. Now it sounds like because of my annoyance, I dislike this show because the characters are very annoying, but no, I'm just having to state that as much as I do think there's a weakness in directing, writing and character dimensionality, I still like the show. I still want to keep watching it to see how these twos love story ends. It's still powerful to see the effects of an unconditional and desperate love. And that's all that matters, the ability to be entertained and hooked into a story about flawed humans who fall in love and are punished for their flaws. All in all, I still believe there must be some kind of punishment for these two's actions, and so character development is key to later on being added to the story and resolution; character revelations, awareness, and forgiveness. And speaking of some of the kind of punishments that these two do have to go through, this essay is going to be breaking down the goals of each of the villains of Sisyphus and how they can also help us understand what's going on and what's going to happen to this love story unfolding. So let's back to Greek Mythology.

The Hidden Victims of Sisyphus

The first thing we have to focus on when reading the myth of Sisyphus and his adventures with the gods, is the characters. The last analysis focused on how both Seohae and Taesul play the role of Sisyphus in this show and how they both are connected to different parts of the same myth. But in the tale, there are more characters that need to be fleshed out, that need to be brought to light essentially just like the show (these past four episodes), brought to light all these new villains and aims, and character plot twists to show you the severity of the results of these twos Sisyphean actions. Just like with the show, although it may just seem that it's only Zeus and a personification of Dea*th playing the roles as the villains in the myth for Sisyphus, there's actually more characters that all add to the burden of this and have it out for him. So that's important to notice. Let's summarise the storyline of the myth whilst putting these other characters in the spotlight.

Before we even go into the actual myth of the Sisyphus and the boulder storyline. We also need to account for his character storyline and involvement in other tales before we start to see him act up. In fact, before he starts to want to chain and evade dea*th, he angers so many others before him, he already has enemies waiting to get rid of him. And these people are significant because some of the characters in the show mirror them. So before the act of Sisyphus and the boulder, there was so much more to know. Sisyphus angers Zeus by betraying him and making him lose someone he wanted; he does this by telling the god who's the father of the girl that Zeus is trying to steal her. He tricks/manipulates the god to give him wealth and success and this river of prosperity, so in the end, he ends up aggravating both gods, one because he betrayed Zeus, who now has it out for him, but also two because he just like took the most memorable thing from the other god to give him the information.

 The Broken Bond of Sisyphus

Here, Sis is seen as problematic by Zeus and others because he's too clever for his own good, he's too cunning, and he's a problem to their power. But this is not just it; also in the story, when Sisyphus is meant to be the king of his kingdom by birth, he has a brother. Surprise? Probably not because surely this has to mirror Tae-san because Taesul has a brother. And yeah, there's a character who represents a familial bond, but in the myth, Sisyphus wants to get rid of his brother; their relationship is a maim in his life, utterly opposite to Taesan and Taesul, which is why I didn't trust Taesan for so long. The brother is Salmoneus.

But the details to know with the brother is that Sisyphus is usurped of his kingdom by the brother, who's connected to greed, naivety, hubris and ego. Something he was rightfully given to by birth (his reign and legacy) was stolen from him by his brother unfairly and just cruelly. And this is the reason for why he hates his brother in the myth and wants to get rid of him. So this is all feeling very different from what's been portrayed in the show; Taesan is apparently risking his life to save Taesul; Taesan has always sacrificed everything for Taesul's happiness and for him to own the company he has, which is the symbol of Taesul's kingdom. It is because Taesul wants to save Taesan that he is causing a Sisyphean effect to the world; he's ruining the world to save and find and bring his brother back to him. That's really confusing.

It doesn't end there, though, because Sisyphus proceeds also to steal his brother's wife by force and have her give birth to fulfil a messed up prophecy about her kids being the ones to get rid of the brother. She doesn't do this; she ends up instead of losing the kids to protect the brother. There's a bit of weird addition to this storyline because Seohae is the only girl who Taesul will have in his heart; he doesn't have any destructive aims as Sisyphus to find someone else, or has he not realised he's already played this role? I'll explain more as we break down this essay even further, but this is important to notice before we start to see Sisyphus enter his futile loop of trying to avoid dea*th, he's already had two big enemies, one is Zeus, who is his final enemy at the end of his story, the one who will later get his way and punish Sisyphus eternally, but two is Salmoneus this character who Sisyphus is meant to love but is betrayed by and wants to steal his possession. You can start to try to place in the show who this sounds like but let's continue.

The Severe Consequences of Sisyphus

So after this part of the myth, Sis goes and has a remarkable reign after his brother's demise; he uses his cunningness and craftiness to get whatever he wants. This angers Zeus so much who then sends Thanatos (a personification for Dea*th) to him undercover, but Sis knows, and so he tricks Thanatos and chains him causing everyone to become immortal in his kingdom. What happens next is Ares, god of war, is very upset with this action because it's making him lose his purpose in the world and his power, he enjoys seeing war lead to people's demise. It benefits the systems for the gods who punish and want to control the mortals as they fit. Sis doing this is making fun of the gods' power and finding a way to lessen their impacts. Ares forces Sis to let go of Thanatos which he does (stupidly), but both Zeus and Thanatos want to get rid of Sis because of revenge, especially Thanatos; his first victim once unchained is as you guessed, Sis. Let's pause because now two more people try to stop or get rid of Sis. Ares is affected by Sis's actions of evading dea*th for all mortals, and that is Thanatos, the actual personification of the person he's hurting and chaining and taking away freedom from. Thanatos is the one who finally at first gets to punish Sisyphus at the end. As of this moment, Zeus, although he's angry at Sis, although he's making threats and watching Sis; he doesn't still feel the need to intervene. He's not yet out properly for Sisyphus until the second part.

The Eternal Punishment of Sisyphus

So Sis goes and gets eliminated. He's sent to where everyone who's gone goes to. But Sis is smart; he finds another way, using his wife to evade the issue. To again mock the gods, this time he mocks Hades and Persephone. I mean, it's obvious why he'd already angered Hades, who could also be in the myth, a different version of Thanatos, but Hades is determined to keep Sis in the underworld. But he uses the disguise of being hurt by love, the mask of vulnerability, hurt and betrayal to make Persophone eager to let him escape the underworld. So he ends up tricking her; this causes Hades to lose it completely, he tries to get Sis back, but Sis is not coming back because he's back to being alive.

So Sis gets to get again what he wants, which is to live a long life as the king with the wife he loves, not the same wife as his brother's) So there's two more, or you can say; one other representation of the gods that Sisyphus has annoyed and angered who wants to get rid of him.  We have Hades, his normal way of doing things is in chaos because Sisyphus is messing around and tricking people and making a mockery of him and his own kingdom. And we may also see Persophone as someone (though I don't know properly because she isn't the one who wants to get rid of him, she's the one tricked by the idea of love) who also may feel hurt and foolish for believing him. Either way, Zeus now is tired and frustrated by Sis; he decides to wait for Sis to come back after his old age and punishes him eternally, with the famous boulder. So as mentioned, Zeus is the one who truly ends up hurting Sisyphus with no end in sight. In order to avoid this eternal loop of pain and confusion, Sisyphus needs to defeat Zeus before he comes to this end.

So after this break down of the story, I'm sure you're all wondering, okay, what does this have to do with Sisyphus the myth, because, at first sight, these people all having a problem with Sis isn't very similar in how the show is showing the new issues and villains. And that's why I was confused at first; trying to place who's who and who represents what, was difficult, and I didn't understand what it would help with when trying to understand the show. But it's pronounced when you finally see episode 5-8 which is the new episodes. Remember from previous analysis there's two Sisyphus; Seohae and Taesul, they both take over a version of the myth of Sisyphus, Taesul is in charge of the first story he creates an action that chains Thanatos and causes chaos, he's the one who then is eliminated by Thanatos because of Ares; however, Seohae represents Sisyphus in the underworld, the task to go back to the past and convince a lover not to make a mistake, the act of using love to trick the gods so she can go back and stay with her lover avoiding the chaos that happens after her demise/his demise.

So the first thing to know to understand the villains is to place them with the right Sisyphus, which is represented in their story arc. This is so important because when you start to make a list of who is trying to get rid of Taesul for Taesul's actions vs who is trying to stop Seohae for her own actions, you start to understand which villain is which. You begin to see how the other characters in the show play a role and mirror a character in the myth, but you also start to predict and understand what happened to lead to the apocalypse and why Seohae and Taesul are constantly suffering and being victims dealing with the burden of Dea*th

Taesul: The Burden of Selfishness and Stubborness 

So now that has started to be clear, let's first reverse and focus on Taesul. From Taesul's part of the storyline, we have a lot of people who want to hurt Sisyphus really badly and who lead to his first elimination. Because the end results for Taesul's actions as we know it is his demise, he gets removed and ended and his passing leads to the war, thats' the horrifying truth that Seohae has gone back to prevent. But she's also with him, and she also gets removed, so both of them actually end up being eliminated at the same time, it would seem, but it's by different circumstances. I'll explain. So with Taesul's version of Sis, his enemies are (the ones who are actively seeking his removal) is his brother Salmoneus, Thanatos, Zeus, and finally Ares. These are his main villains. At the end of the day, he is dealt with by Ares, who causes him to be  Thanatos's victim. This makes so much sense when we finally see Sigma. Let's recap the first eight episodes with who is going to be excited at Taesul's demise.

Tyro: The Fight for Survival

We have Seojin and her father, all connected to his company and the politics of who should take over it. Seojin's father keeps an eye on Taesul on Sigma's orders to provide his wife a cure. (Ironically, they're also trying to cheat death and so become victims) but it's vital to notice that they're connected to one, his company and his possession, two Sigma and wanting to get rid of Taesul because he's the key to getting the woman alive. Before we focus on them and what they represent. Let's focus again on who is being chosen to replace Taesul by these two and others in the company. It's Eddie, his best friend, almost like his sworn brother, someone who is his most trusted connection. Eddie has constantly been defending and wanting to wait for Taesul to come back, but somehow he starts to switch, it's because of one his new relationship with Seojin if you don't remember Seojin is actually Taesul's ex who he played around with and couldn't commit to, two because he starts to have a hunger for the company that Taesul owns since he's been given a chance to be in the spotlight since Taesul was thought to be eliminated.

Who is that starting to seem like? Yes, it's Salmoneus. It's so heartbreaking because that's precisely the storyline of Sisyphus and Salmoneus well, the same similar basis. Salmoneus, because of greed and ego, steals Sisyphus's kingdom from him; he usurps him and betrays Sis, who was meant to be the ruler by birth. This is just like what Eddie is starting to become; he's beginning to want to take Taesul's fame, company and power because of selfishness, greed and also in case it's not as obvious insecurity and jealousy. He got a taste of power, and now he wants to be in charge, he wants Seojin's attention and love, and he wants what Taesul has always had that's been taking granted. And to just hone in on the similarity of Salmoneus and Eddie, Sisyphus has a hold in the myth on Salmoneus wife, and he tries to use that to hurt Salmoneus.

Now Taesul is not word for word like Sisyphus, we know there are differences as well in the story, for example, it shouldn't be Eddie taking this role; it should be Taesan he's the real brother in the story, but even though there are differences, and Taesan isn't purposely as cruel as Sisyphus, he does have a hold on Seohae, she has to put all her attention on him, she doesn't seem happy that he took her for granted especially when she says he hurts the people who actually care for him, she doesn't seem eager when she notices another woman in his life, because she's a vengeful ex. But it's not just because of love and being jilted; her family is also connected to the storyline.

Suppose you don't want to see Salmoneus as Eddie. In that case, there's also misconceptions in the myth that it's his daughter that Sisyphus had to marry to fulfil that prophecy he failed at, so it could be Seojin's father, still has a connection to Taesul, which he claimed was like blood-related, also wants to get rid of him in the company and put someone else there, so he's also connected to the usurping of Sisyphus. It doesn't matter who is Salmoneus the person to focus on is Tyro she's the one who is very hurt and upset with Sisyphus; she basically has to kill her kids to protect her dad/husband, and she has to end up losing people she loves because of Sisyphus's selfish actions. And this is what Seojin believes now; she considers Taesul is the reason for why her dad got eliminated by Sigma, why she lost everything (in the myth, Tyro loses two relatives (her kids) just as Seojin loses her two parents). Salmoneus wants to get rid of Sis, but he fails; in fact, he ends up being eliminated by the gods for his selfishness and hubris; he fails at pleasing the gods, so he gets taken down. Like Seojin's father but also Eddie, it's definitely his downfall in this situation; he's going to also be a victim by the end of the show by betraying Taesul.  So there's already a mirror image to the villains. What Salmonaeus represents is wanting to get rid of Sisyphus for revenge, greed and power and for hatred. And that's the same aims building up for Seojin (revenge and hatred) and Eddie (greed and power).

Thanatos: The Fight for Freedom

So That's our first issue to deal with that Taesul needs to escape from. But we have the other two. Ares and Thanatos. And I've always predicted this from when I watched and did the previous analysis. I knew that Sigma was Ares, and would lead Taesul to his downfall, but Thanatos is not Sigma, and that was what was still confusing me. Let's recap that part, in episode 1-4, as the story unfolds; as much as Seohae wants to protect Taesul from Sigma though she does not know who he is, she also knows there are others. We misunderstand that Sigma is the one sending these weird, rushed downloads to find Taesul and get rid of Taesul. But that's not Sigma. Sigma wants Taesul to make the uploader, not get rid of him; he wants the war, wants the chaos, and wants the dea*th of millions, just like that's Ares aim as a god of war.

So who are these people who are scary and out for Taesul's blood. Whatever they are, they follow Thanatos's gain. Now I'm not saying that this organisation or people can't be connected with Sigma; they just don't have the same goals yet, because Ares and Thanatos work together to bring Sis to his downfall in the first part. And that's important to notice. So the aims of these weird people are going to mirror Thanatos's aims for Sis. One, Thanatos was sent by Zeus (really important because it might be the Control Borough from the future sending this, it might be an organisation focused on law and balance trying to stop Taesul from causing Korea to go into the war), to trick Sis but he fails, he ends up being the victim of Sis instead. Sometimes in the story, it's just Sis is selfish and just goes and bothers Thanatos as he's chilling and simply chains him to prevent dea*th for all. The reason for why Thanatos is trying to hurt Sis is because of vengeance and being hurt by the cruelty of Sisyphus's actions.

Because of it, he couldn't be free, he was affected and hurt, and he lost his power. Now we don't know the full results of Taesul's actions in making this time machine. Still, we know that a lot of people who survive suffer; 

Because they're in an apocalypse with no control, money and have to fight to survive.

 They lose their loved ones and are victims to the war, 

 They lose their power and self because they no longer have hope or happiness. 

The reason for why these people are in this situation is Taesul; he's the reason for why there's a war in the first place. So we see that whoever has sent people to come to gun down Taesul is doing it for vengeance and to stop his selfish actions hurting them and chaining their freedom. So it won't be a surprise if it's a band of rebels/resistance who aren't downloading correctly because they either have a faulty uploader, or they are rushing because it's a sui*cide mission for them, it's all or nothing; the goal is to get rid of Taesul to save themselves. So that's still who we're waiting for, who is in charge of these people. Now Sigma could be connected to these people. Let's first break him down;

Ares: The Fight for Purpose

So Ares is someone who is annoyed and upset; he's also become a victim and mocked because of Sisyphus's actions to chain Thanatos. He's someone who has no care about mortals but wants to see chaos and see people eliminated, so he's not bored. That's like Sigma, the only person who gets to gain something from the war (we don't know what, all we know is he wants the chaos, he wants the war, he wants  Taesul to make a mistake and lead to everything), who is nonchalant and unfeeling, who is playing games with everyone and is having fun on others demise.

Right now, Sigma's goal is to get the key but also to ensure that Taesul ends up yielding to him and not get in his way. This is how Ares felt with Sis; he wanted to get rid of Sis to ensure he had fun and had war. Ares is the person who actually causes Sis to fail in the first part; he is the one who tells Zeus everything and leads to Sisyphus unchaining Thanatos, who is the one who comes for Sisyphus. So if you're not seeing what's happening, Sigma leads Taesul to make the uploader and cause the world to end (he's the reason why Taesul won't stop searching, he's now Taesul's goal which is him staying and repeating the same mistakes), Sigma leads Taesul to his downfall, his downfall leads to the other people who are victims becoming full of vengeance to come to use his uploader in the past to rewrite the history and get rid of him, unchaining Thanatos and this is what causes Sisyphus to be eliminated, just like Taesul ends up being stopped at his version of the story. Sigma is not our final villain; he's not the one who gets rid of Taesul; it's the others, and if the others are connected to Control Borough, it's them because they're also at the fault of Seohae's demise.

Seohae: The burden of selflessness and sacrifice

Let's look at Seohae because this essay is becoming incredibly long. With Seohae, her challengers are Hades, Persephone, Zeus. And it's that simple. Knowing the patterns of understanding who's who, it's pretty apparent who Seohae has aggravated with her choice to go back and change the past. By choosing to save Taesul,  Seohae has made enemies who want her; some are being puppets and lied to, others because of her being Sisyphus and tricking and mocking them. 

Hades: A Fight For Control

So we have Hades he has a way of doing things, of controlling his kingdom, which is seen as the opposite of positive ideas, it's connected to the other side of the purity of the gods, it's hell, but it's funny because just as the Control Borough who represents Zeus stand for law and balance and order and look out for the illegal immigrants, there's another opposite version of them who is seen as the opposite of purity and goodness and that's the guy who wants the key at first. The broker. He has his own way of doing things; he makes money from illegal immigrants and controls them in his lair. But Seohae, not Taesul, Seohae is the one who betrays and tricks him, the one who he promises to get rid of because of her actions. Her actions lead to him getting arrested and caught, and he swears revenge if he ever finds her like Hades. Hades is not the one who's tricked, but he's the one mocked, and his system is failed because of Sisyphus tricking Persophone. And that's important to notice. It's not Hades who gets Sisyphus at the end of the myth, he agrees with Zeus later on Sisyphus's punishment, but he doesn't win. Sisyphus actually escapes and lives a long life at first with his wife. So whatever our broker is up to, he's not going to get rid of Taesul and Seohae, but he's still important in their demise.

Persophone: A fight for pride

So who's Persophone? Well, that's why I was confused because Seohae doesn't trick anyone with the idea of love that's connected to others, and so I was confused. When I first heard of Persephone, I saw her as Seojin because again, she's hurt and acts on the idea of getting Sisyphus to go back to his wife and rekindle their love but actually scold his wife for treating him wrongly and not showing respect to him when he left or something. That sounded like Seojin relating to being hurt and mistreated by a lover. But Seohae isn't tricking Seojin yet; however, I do think that she may end up being Persophone, only because Persophone is not a character out for Sisyphus's blood, she's just mocked and reduced by Sisyphus's actions like how Seohae if Seojin had feelings or resentment towards Taesul for actually finding a woman who he cared for more than her someone who he truly respected and loved, it would feel like an insult to her seeing Seohae, it would feel like she's being reduced and mocked because she still cares for him.  That's the only mirror I saw with her, but again also Tyro is a better representative for her in this story. Perhaps in Seohae's version, she really ends up also becoming an obstacle that needs to be talked to or convinced as Sisyphus did with Persophone. Although getting rid of Taesul is her goal, i can see Seohae being the one who ends it and removes her from the story.

The reason why Sun is also mentioned is because his role isn’t yet understood about what he does at the end. He could even be Sigma I won’t be shocked if he’s a broken shell or hurt vengeful version of Sigma who has been turned to being unfeeling by the love of Seohae and Taesul. However he also could be Persophone, like he’s also connected to that hurt and pain of love as the second lead and he could be the one who helps her find a way out of the loop to be with Taesul. His role is not understood so this is just some ideas of what they may be but not connected to the map. For now I’ll lean on no one representing Persephone in Seohae’s version. 

Zeus: A fight for Power

Finally, we get to the big issue. It's obviously our first-ever challenger in both stories. Zeus is just a funny character; the way he uses others and hides behind the scenes letting others try and get rid of Sisyphus, is so interesting to me. Because the ICB isn't yet out for Taesul, even though Sisyphus already had Zeus keeping an eye on him, including sending Thanatos to get him. So we do know and have seen that ICB did kidnap Taesul in episode 1-4., they give him a warning about not following the rules and still searching for what he shouldn't. This is foreshadowing, just like Zeus, they have started to keep an eye on him, they see him as an obstacle, but they're not the most significant threat in his version. So as Zeus shows up in that version, they also show up, but they're not the ones unless connected to the people in the future; the current ICB isn't the opposition to Taesul; it's Sigma

But unfortunately for Seohae, who plays the Sisyphus who gets cursed with the boulder; ICB is Zeus, ICB is the one who gets her. This is the thing that is sad about it is that they already have a reason to try and get her she's illegal, she's breaking the rules, she's mocking their power just like Sisyphus and Zeus however, the way they do this is just like how Zeus does it he uses others to get Sisyphus as he tried with Thanatos. The only thing that happens is Sisyphus ends up having nowhere else to run to after his goals have been achieved, he was going to always d*e in the end, and Zeus just waited for that chance. And this is how Sis is caught and punished. And we've already started to see how the ICB led to Seohae's downfall; they lied to Jung that she's the one who took his mother's life. And Jung from the future apologises to Seohae for being tricked, but unfortunately, he's in a loop destined to repeat and repeat and right now, he's out for her blood. It's obvious he's the one who ends her life the first time; he's the one who puts the eternal loop in motion. He gets rid of her, her future self finds the diary (this paradox really annoys me because it makes no sense, the 'chicken or egg plothole'), and she goes back to save Taesul, So like Zeus causes this futile infinite curse on Sisyphus to carry this boulder, this weight of confusion and loss of freedom, Jung used by ICB puts this on Seohae each time he shoots her and Taesul. It is the act of hurting her that causes the Sisyphean effect in the show; in fact, I think Taesul is eliminated before her by his own issues, but the final catalyst is Jung. So like I said, it's Zeus Sisyphus needs to stop before he gets to the end. It's Jung who Seohae needs to communicate with or stop before they enter the wedding scene. That is why he says to her, it's only if she forgives him for what he'll become, and it's only if they work together can the ending be alternated.

So I had more to say, but this ended up being so long; I'm not mad about it because this is precisely why I needed to break all this down, by knowing how the villains, their goals and their downfalls, knowing what is leading their actions, you can start to use that and predict their roles in the show, you can see how Taesul and Seohae end up in this godforsaken Sisyphean loop.  You understand why Sigma is who he is and what he wants, but also, you get to know how these two end up getting caught the first time. However, there's still hope; there's a way to break the loop if the characters stop for a minute and just stop being selfish. But also like I said, Sisyphus gets his goals before he gets punished although it doesn't seem like a happy ending, he gets to be with his wife till old age, it is only after he has no other choice but to leave peacefully does Zeus show up and put him in a curse. So the ending is sad, but there's a way out, Taesul and Seohae may finally get to live that happily ever after and be together longer in this loop if they get rid of Zeus, or we get an open ending where they're in this loop forever, but they're aware. For me, I don't see a sad ending with this show because of the myth. I think Seohae and Taesul have a lot to deal with and I'm still confused by Taesan's role but for now, knowing this new outline about where the villains play a part, makes it so much more easier for me to continue following the story. As mentioned in the previous analysis I don't add up the science and logic and time travel dynamics to these theories; they might be more that I'm missing but I'm 80% sure this show isn't really focused on all of that and is using the myth as a map. Let me know your ideas about Sisyphus the myth,  however I look foward to seeing if this theory is right or if I missed out a lot of things because of the lack of the scientific focus. Thank you.

[writing-fool]

mlqc | like it’s a bad thing pt. 1

I think these are ‘fighting’ scenarios, but I’m not 100% sure at this point. It’s like a ‘relationship on the cliffs’ thing. Pt. 1 for Victor and Shaw because I noticed these were getting a tad long. And they kind of carry the same theme, I guess. Wanted to include Lucien, but I ended up not being able to finish his for now...so if I make the next part, he’ll probably be on there.

I’m still working on a hp!au for Victor, but that may take a while since the inspiration doesn’t seem to be arriving anytime soon. It’s all been a bit tough, sorry. I say this all the time, but I apologise for the lack of fics; my writing pace’s been slow.

As always, enjoy the read!

Love,

R.

Warning(s): slight angst, profanity, mention of mature content.

Victor

You love Victor. You really do. But sometimes, just sometimes you wonder why you put up with this man and his bullshit. A great downside to being involved both romantically and professionally is that those types of relationships tend to bleed into one another. This could be in the form of an office quickie...or something a lot less fun. 

On the outside, Victor may seem put together, but you know him well enough by now that this month has been incredibly stressful for him. But so has it been for you. Safe to say, it’s been tense, even at home. Victor’s constant nagging about work performance and his snide comments at your so-called slacking off have pushed you to the breaking point, and you’re really not going to sit there and take it today.

“Do you even understand what I’m saying? LFG can’t move forward with your company if you continue working at this inefficient pace. You, as the head of a company, should know how to improve the quality and efficiency of your work.”

You sigh, not taking your eyes off of the laptop in front of you as Victor exasperatedly throws another one of your proposals on the coffee table. “I get it. Just give me some time.” You rub your temples, getting back to your own work.

“Do you? It doesn’t seem like you get the point here. You. Do. Not. Have. Time,” he harshly points out.

“You know you’re able to manipulate time, right?” You raise an eyebrow and look up at his unamused face. 

“I can’t favour you like this. Did you really think I was going to stop time to solve your inefficiency problem? You can’t rely on others all the time. A company that can’t pull itself up is use—” 

Something in you snaps at that very moment. “I get it. We’re useless, inefficient, and we’re so lucky LFG is even willing to support this failing company. I’m a useless boss, I can’t do anything right, I’m leeching off of my rich, CEO boyfriend to get ahead, I fucked my way to the top, whatever. Tell me something I don’t know,” you snarl, slamming your laptop shut with a resounding snap.

“You know that’s not what I’m saying.” Victor’s glaring now, sharp, stormy eyes boring into yours.

“Oh, do I?” you mimic his words, narrowing your eyes, “Because you sure don’t seem to tell me otherwise. I can’t read minds, Victor, and all I hear from your mouth are insults telling me how incapable I am as a boss. So pray tell, how am I supposed to think I deserve my job when not only the entire business world, but also my own fucking boyfriend tells me I don’t?”

Victor’s clearly taking aback by your sudden outburst, but his need to get his point across in this argument seems to win over the instinct to lighten your mood at this very moment. “First of all, I don’t know why you care what others say—”

“Because I’m human! Maybe you don’t think of people calling you names anymore because they’re lost in the sea of people literally grovelling at your feet, but I’m not you,” you rub your temples again, voice lowering as the mental exhaustion kicks in.

“I don’t know if I can live like this anymore. Fuck Victor, you make me feel like a failure and you just don’t seem to care.” You push past his stunned form and head to the bedroom.

“Sleep in your office if all you care about is work.” You glance back at him for the last time before slamming the bedroom door shut.

Victor messed up. Royally. He didn’t mean to take his stress and anger out on you and he definitely didn’t mean to act like your boss at home. 

He’s been trying to get back to work for the past two hours while giving you some space, but the lingering guilt and worry in the back of his mind prevent him from actually doing anything productive. What if you really meant it? What if this is it? He can’t lose you just because he acted like an idiot. Victor’s always assumed you knew he cherished you more than anything in the world...but maybe he’s been neglecting you as a partner.

With a steel resolve to make it right, Victor leaves his home office and walks to your shared bedroom. The light from the hallway streams in as he opens the door, illuminating your sleeping figure. You’re curled in on yourself in a protective, almost guarded way, something you never do (you’re usually the kind of sleeper that has their limbs flopping everywhere on the bed). Victor feels a sharp pang in his heart at the notion of seeing you look this broken...because of him.

Gently, as to not wake you, he shuffles to the dresser, carefully taking off his shirt and folding it over a chair. After sufficiently (un)dressing himself, he slides under the sheets. 

Victor tentatively reaches a hand over to touch your arm, only to feel you turn away from his touch. Instead of pulling his hand back, Victor brings his hand around your waist, pulling you flush against his bare chest.

You’re awoken by the sudden movement, and in your sleepy state, you lean back into the warmth surrounding you.

Victor’s breath grazes your ear as he whispers. “I’m sorry.” Hm?

Your mind slowly registers that the warmth is, in fact, caused by Victor’s body heat, and more importantly, that you’re still very much upset with him. You struggle to get out of his grip, but that only seems to tighten the hold Victor has on you.

“Don’t. Stay with me,” he pleads, voice tinged with despair. You’ve never seen him this vulnerable before. You still your actions, instead opting to turn around to face Victor.

“I don’t know if this is what I want,” you speak up after a long moment of silence, “I love you, but I don’t want to be stuck in a relationship where I’m not welcomed.”

“Do you feel like you’re stuck here?” Victor asks.

You avoid his gaze. “I’m not sure. It’s not all your fault, but I do wonder whether you stopped caring about me sometimes. You’ve been so harsh to me, lately.”

“I didn’t, I never stopped caring,” Victor takes your hand in his left one, interlacing your fingers, “But I understand that I’ve made you feel insecure and uncared for. I never wanted to make you feel worthless, but I’ve gone too far this time, haven’t I?”

A mirthless chuckle escapes your mouth. “That’s an understatement,” you quip.

You expect Victor to retort back with something mean, revert to his distant self (at least, to the distant person he’s become this month), but instead, he gently cups your cheek with his right hand, raising your face up to look at him again.

A soft kiss is placed on your forehead. “I’m sorry. I’ll try to be less harsh, and I’ll do anything it takes for you to forgive me. I’ll fix it all, your insecurities, your anxiousness. So give me one more chance, please. Let me fix it.” Victor’s beautiful grey eyes look into yours, sadness apparent on his face. You lie there for a long while, staring into his sombre eyes in silence.

“You’ll do anything?” you finally ask in curiosity. A resolute nod is your answer. “Even stop talking about work at home?” Victor nods again. You pause for a while, contemplating your next request. “...And take me to Souvenir and make me pudding every day?”

Victor snorts. “That’s the least I can do, dummy,” he chuckles lightly. Suddenly, his eyes widen. “I don’t mean you’re dumb. I just—”

Your soft giggle breaks his anxious ramble, and Victor feels like he’s just won the biggest prize at the lottery. “Just this is fine,” you whisper, “I thought it’d take longer for me to forgive you. But for some reason...I’m just happy to see your old self again.”

Victor sighs, pulling you closer. He presses his lips onto the crown of your head, inhaling deeply. “Dummy, don’t be so kind to me. I won’t know what to do,” he mumbles, relishing in the dark quiet of your bedroom. Truth is, he probably never knows what to do when it comes to you.

“You just have to love me, that’s all,” you pull your hand out of his, instead hooking your pinkies together, “No take-backsies.”

He rolls his eyes at your antics, a fond expression betraying the lack of annoyance behind the gesture. His pinky finger curls around yours ever so slightly, as if it’s desperate to hold onto yours. As if he’s desperate to hold onto you. 

“No take-backsies.”

Shaw

“Not again,” you growl under your breath.

Shaw’s always been popular with the ladies, the gents, and the non-binary friends. Which is fine, it’s fine. You’re not a jealous person. You’ve dealt with people asking him out, people asking him if he was a celebrity and making you take pictures of him and some other person on a date, older ladies in your family groping him whenever you bring him to a family function (which really, isn’t about jealousy. You got mad, rightfully so, because they were harassing him). You can’t even remember how many times one of his campus students has confessed to him. With you right next to him at the table! Is it that unbelievable that I’m his significant other?

But too far is too far.

You walked into the fancy nightclub tonight, expecting to get a drink or two in your system, let loose with Shaw for a couple of hours, drag his drunk ass home and cuddle in bed. Not this. 

The moment you walk in, you spot Shaw’s lavender coloured mop of hair sticking out over one of the booths. But he’s not alone, oh no. He’s surrounded by young men and women fawning over him like he’s some kind of celebrity or host club guest. And even though he looks a little bored, he’s not exactly bothered by the attention he’s getting. Because of course he isn’t. The moment his eyes land on you though, he looks you up and down appreciatively before shooting you a challenging smirk. He reaches over to a long-haired girl next to him, lazily fingering a lock of her hair. She looks up at him with a coy smile, but his amber eyes are fixed on yours, gauging your reaction. Oh, so he wants me to come over? Play the little jealous significant other? Hah! Not today, boy. I didn’t come here to play games. 

You raise an eyebrow, a visibly annoyed expression showing on your face. Instead of heading in his direction, you strut to the bar, shoes tapping rhythmically on the floor. I look hot, I feel hot, and I need a fucking drink. 

You order a bourbon on the rocks, gulping down a large sip of the beverage a soon as it gets to you. Bourbon is made to be savoured. You hear Victor’s voice resounding in your mind from the time he taught you how to judge alcohol for a production. So am I, but nobody’s been thinking of that, apparently. You turn around with a scowl, leaning against the bar. You feel horrible, and the fact that Shaw’s back to his childish antics isn’t making that any better. An exasperated sigh leaves your lips as you tilt your head back, closing your eyes. The flashing lights are blurry, but still noticeable through your closed eyelids. But what you don’t notice, is the man heading over to you from his side of the bar. 

Shaw notices. How could he not? The moment you walked in the room, all he could see was you. And he knows he’s being a little shit, trying to make you jealous like that, but he can’t help wanting to play with you. It’s just a game of push and pull, and maybe he just wanted to see how hard you’d pull for him.

He didn’t expect you to react like that, though.

So here he is, so uncharacteristically walking (or strutting, because he is still sort of himself, after all) away from the admiring crowd of people around him and towards his clearly pissed off lover. And the man who’s clearly trying to chat you up.

“—buy you a drink?” he overhears. Shaw halts and watches the blinding spotlights in the club illuminate the sight in front of him.

He sees you lean closer to the man, foreheads almost touching in a conspiring way, before you shrug and the two of you turn to the bar. The man flags down the bartender, holding two fingers up. He’s just ordering two drinks for himself. That’s it.

His gait picks up again as he sees the bartender slide your favourite drink across the counter. Before you can even take a sip of bourbon, the textured glass is ripped out of your hand. Shaw downs the amber liquid, the burning sensation washing away the bitter taste of jealousy. 

“Thanks for ordering me a drink, honey,” he emphasizes the pet name, grinning at you before turning his head to the man with a fierce glare. The man raises his hands in defense, shakes his head at you with a smile, and promptly heads back to the other side of the bar. Shaw turns to you, the grin slipping back on his face momentarily.

“Already cheating on me?” he asks, masking the slight hurt behind a teasing façade. Shaw plops down on the stool next to you, watching your face. You look slightly guilty at first, but then your expression morphs back into one of anger...and exhaustion. You aren’t actually cheating on me, are you?

“Funny thing for you to say,” you ground out. 

“...So you were jealous.”

“That’s what you take from that?” You stare at him incredulously, his smug grin slowly sliding off of his face. I’m making it worse. Why did I make it worse?

“Jesus, you’re a prick,” you sigh, “No drink can fix this evening. I’m just going to go home. Do what you want, I don’t care anymore.” You climb out of your seat, making a beeline for the exit. Shaw is quick to follow you outside, grabbing your wrist before you can flag down a cab.

“Let me go, Shaw.”

“Hey, hey, it was a joke. You know that, right?” His ears are ringing from the loud music back in the club, but the sudden quiet’s more deafening than any song booming from the speakers. It feels sad, and Shaw hates it.

“I said, let me go.” You’re refusing to look at him. Why is it turning out like this?

“It was a joke. If I let go, you’re going to leave. Don’t leave me,” the slight pleading of his voice makes you turn around to look at his face. He tentatively releases your wrist, and you make no move to leave...yet.

“I don’t want to play these games anymore.”

He looks at you with furrowed brows. “I don’t understand,” he says.

“Is it fun, to try and make me jealous? To remind me of the fact that I’m somehow not suited for you, that after this amount of time, I’m still not enough for you?” you poke a finger into his lithe chest, “Because guess what, you succeeded. I’m jealous. I admit it, you won.”

 “I didn’t—And you took that guy’s offer for a drink! You’re not better!” Shaw suddenly raises his voice, his stance akin to that of a wolf on guard.

“I told him I had a boyfriend! And you know why he bought me a drink? Because he said I looked like I needed a pick me up. And you didn’t even notice! Even worse, you’re the fucking reason I needed one in the first place!”

“Well, how was I supposed to know you were going to throw a hissy fit over me hanging out with some friends?” he spits out.

“Friends? They were hanging onto you, Shaw! One of those girls had her tits so close to you, she almost suffocated you with them. And you know it,” a humourless laugh escapes your lips, “You love the attention. And we both know I was never enough to provide that for you. So I quit.”

Shaw deflates. “What do you mean, you quit?” 

“I don’t want to be vying for your affection with the rest of them, I guess. It’s selfish of me, but somehow I thought I’d be special, or something,” you scoff, kicking a nearby rock of the pavement, “But I don’t think I am. Not to you. So I think we should stop all of this before one of us gets even more hurt. I think we should break up.”

Shaw halts, burying both of his hands in his hair. His breathing quickens as he processes your words. “No, no, absolutely not. We aren’t breaking up.” he looks at you with the same pleading eyes he used that time when he got sick and begged you to cuddle him instead of getting his medicine. Back then, everything seemed so...lovely.

“I don’t know what else to do, Shaw,” your voice breaks, and Shaw feels his heart shatter at the notion of you hurting this much. “I just don’t know why you do this, I—”

“Because I don’t deserve you.” 

“What?” You shake your head in confusion.

“I know it’s fucked up. Everyone around us knew that I wasn’t deserving of you. Just look at me,” he gestures at himself, “I’m a fucking gangster dating someone who deserves better. So I tried pushing you away, and then you pulled back, and you fought for me. And I just don’t know how to deal with that, ‘cause people don’t do that for me.”

You sigh. “You deserve to be fought for.”

“I don’t. I really fucking don’t. Because here I am, with the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I’m about to lose them. And it should be what I want because I keep pushing and pushing and pushing, but now the only thing I want is you. I fucked up.”

You lean against a nearby wall, silence hanging above you two before you break it. “I...don’t think this dynamic is healthy,” you start.

“I know, I’m sorry. I fucked up, but I promise I’ll—”

“And if we’re going to try this again, you’re going to have to fix your attitude,” you interrupt him.

“I—you’re serious?” a careful nod has Shaw’s expression turning from dumbfounded to ecstatic. His grin’s back, but now it seems more...genuine. More innocent. 

“Fuck. I can’t believe it,” he tilts his head up to the sky in glee, but soon looks back at you with resolution in his eyes, “I’m going to be the best boyfriend you’ve ever seen.”

You laugh. “Is that a challenge, pretty boy?”

“You bet your ass it is,” he teases, swiftly scooping you up into his arms, “I fucking love you, and I’ll do anything I can to prove it,” he mutters into the crook of your neck.

“Shaw...I love you too, but people are really staring, actually.” You cast worried glances over his shoulder.

“Don’t care.”

“...Of course you don’t.”    

Shaw’s scenario was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, to be fair. I think I made him pretty OOC, but I’m filling in a lot of the blanks in regards to his personality, and for some reason he has serious trauma and insecurities here, which is either kinda valid, or projecting. I don’t know if I’m satisfied with it...but it’s going I guess.

[acraftedmistake]

A Person Who Has Never Played MCSM Writes A Story About MCSM Chp. 17

“I cannot BELIEVE you!”

“Stella, I’m really sorry that all this happened. I didn’t think--” Aiden couldn’t even finish his excuse as Stella raised her voice again.

“Didn’t think WHAT?! That our former friend--that messed up freak who used to live with us--wouldn’t try to get in and get answers?!”

“Why did Jesse even think Stella had the hat in the first place?” Maya asked, closing the front door.

She and Aiden just came back from chasing Jesse. Well, trying to chase. By the time they reached the streets, Jesse was long gone.

Jess and Olivia were in the kitchen. Only place with no windows to see them.

“I’m not entirely sure,” Stella sneered, “What do you think, Aiden?”

Everyone in the living room immediately turned to him. The color drained from his face.

“Look.” Aiden threw his hands up, “It was rather I lie or I give away Jess and Olivia are here. I did not want to take any chances.”

“But why’d ya have to use Stella?! She could’ve gotten killed!” Gill exclaimed, joining Stella’s side.

“You could’ve lied about anything--you didn’t even need to answer him!” Jess exclaimed. Everyone else looked back at Olivia and Jess, who had to sit in the kitchen now. There weren’t any windows there. It was the safest option.

“And THESE two!” Stella pointed to them, “Just where did you take them!? Why did you leave the house!? Now, thanks to you, we’re going to need check all the locks and barricade--”

“Don’t blame Aiden for that!” Olivia shouted, she shrunk when people looked back at her again. “It was my fault. I’m the one who wanted to go out. I’m sorry.”

“Aiden didn’t have to take you though, and if he really wanted to, he could’ve told one of us.” Maya folded her arms.

Aiden grit his teeth, “Oh, so suddenly I’m the bad guy for wanting to do something NICE!”

That led to an eruption of arguments. Gill, Aiden, and Maya were all yelling over each other. Stella, whose frustration had boiled over, began to cry angry tears which only fanned the flames. All Jess and Olivia could do was sit and watch from the bar table, listening and watching Aiden get torn apart.

Through all the yelling, Stella cut in, “You know, I’m not even mad you used me for that terrible lie, I’m MAD that you didn’t tell me! Gill and I could’ve been prepared, we could’ve come up with a plan to capture him, or--or slow him down, ANYTHING!”

“You were gonna get mad no matter what I did!” Aiden shot back.

“Aiden, c’mon, ya threw her under the minecart--!” Gill tried to reach out but winced when pain shot through his injured arm.

Aiden snapped, “I’m trying to make everything work out for everyone so things don’t get worse--”

“Aiden, I could’ve DIED!” Stella shouted.

“That doesn’t MATTER anymore! You’re alive. FINE. What matters is getting these two home and bringing Jesse back! That’s ALL.”

Everyone stopped.

Aiden’s face dropped as Stella stared back at him, hand on her chest, breathing heavily as more tears spilled from her eyes.

“Stella…” Aiden mumbled, stepping closer, “Stella, I’m… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

Stella turned away, hiding her tearful face with her hair. Gill gently placed his hand on her shoulder.

“We’re all stressed over Jesse breaking in, but there was no reason to say that, Aiden.” Maya growled, joining Stella’s side. “Sure, she’s alive, but this whole thing could’ve been avoided.”

Aiden could only stare at his friends before bringing his head down, not saying another word.

Stella brushed her hair aside, trying to steady her breaths, but she suddenly gasped.

“Oh Hero.” Stella’s eyes widened. She held onto Gill’s shoulder, keeping him still to get a better look at his injury, “You’ve been stabbed!”

Gill jumped and quickly put his hand over the injured shoulder, as if trying to hide it. The arrow was still sticking out, his sleeve torn and stained blood.

“It’s just one arrow! I can take it out m’self! Really! I jus’ didn’t wanna stress ya out some more.”

“Absolutely not!” Stella grabbed his hand and started marching towards the stairs, “You’re our friend. If you really think our argument is more important than your wellbeing, you’re wrong.”  

As the two went up the steps, Stella looked back down.

“Maya, could you lend a hand?”

Aiden could feel Maya’s glare.

“Yeah. You got it.” She followed her friends up.

Aiden could only stand and listen as his friends grew further and further away, their voices reduced to muffles.

It was silent for a few moments. Jess and Olivia had no idea what to say, they didn’t know if there was anything they could do. Aiden hadn’t even moved from his spot yet.

Jess bit the bottom of his lip. He sat up, ready to call Aiden’s name--when Aiden finally took a step forward.

“Great.” Aiden muttered, “Juuuust great.” Aiden dragged his feet to the wooden column and punched it as hard as he could, shaking the room. He leaned against the column, “You two are stuck here, Jesse broke in, and now everyone hates me.” He sighed, “Wonder what else I’m gonna screw up.”

“Aiden, they don’t hate you.” Olivia said, “They’re your friend, but can you really blame them for being upset?”

“I know, I just--I didn’t want to put you two in danger.” Aiden hadn’t even glanced at the two yet. His eyes were still on the ground.

“Right, I get that, and as much as we appreciate it, you put your own friends in danger.” Jess got out of his seat and approached Aiden.

“Stella and Gill got seriously hurt. You need to apologize.” Jess’ brow furrowed.

Aiden hesitantly folded his arms and faced a nearby window.

“You’re right.” He mumbled. “I’m gonna do it tomorrow. I wanna give them space.” He was pretty sure the last thing his friends needed was to see his sorry face after today’s events.

“You should apologize now.” Jess put his hands on his hips.

Aiden’s nose scrunched.

“It’ll feel forced.” Aiden answered, “I’d rather take a while to give them something genuine than forced.”

Jess and Olivia exchanged concerned looks with each other. A late apology is better than no apology, right?

“How bout this.” Jess joined Olivia,  “You turn in for the day, think about how you’re gonna make it up to your friends, while Olivia and I go barricade the windows.”

“That’s a great idea!” Olivia perked up.

Aiden faced them, “You sure?”

“I mean, we’re gonna be up all day, might as well do something. You okay with us moving furniture around?” asked Jess. He was already scanning around the house, making mental notes of where the windows were and what objects were nearby.

“It’d be nice to help around, and, uh…” Olivia played with a lock of her hair, “I feel terrible that we’ve been dead weight for you guys.”

“No, you’re not. Don’t say. You guys have been great.” Aiden took off his jacket, “We don’t mind the noise. Just don’t get yourselves killed.”

“Ah, we’ll be okay.” Jess waved.

“You promise us you’re going to apologize to your friends soon?” Olivia asked, now pulling on her hair.

Aiden looked into Olivia’s eyes and tugged at his collar, “Yeah. First thing tomorrow. I promise.”

“Alright, sleep well.” Jess said, watching Aiden go upstairs.

Aiden nodded, “Have a good day.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Of course.

Of course out of all the days Jesse decides to leave the shrine, it’s the day he’s supposed to help Cecil with today’s work. Why, it’s not like he infuriated Brenner by leaving earlier this week, or getting Mahlon to nearly tear his hair out during the last Gathering because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. Cecil’s still certain Mahlon’s planning on ripping Jesse apart after what he’s pulled. He’s never let it slide before, it won’t slide now. What a wonderful member Jesse is. Truly.

Now Cecil has to clean around the nave, prepare the materials for the next Gathering, help write the next script, and check on the progress with the other members all by himself.

Cecil grumbled about Jesse as he spread his red blanket over his bed and started tucking the corners into the mattress. He grabbed his pillows, nails digging into it, tempted to rip it in half, but he took a deep breath, ran his fingers through his light blond hair, and placed the pillow where it belonged.

No, he will not let that… That animal destroy his composure. He is a Sense, a leader, a shining beacon of leadership, balance, and loyalty. He is far better than Jesse will ever be. Jesse can only dream to be as dedicated as he is.

Jesse’s room is horrendous, Jesse never cares for himself, Jesse will leave the shrine without permission. Negligence and disloyalty. Characteristics the Awakening rightfully shuns.

Cecil? He’s wonderful. An inspiration for all members, one could say. His room is in top shape, his appearance is glorious, and he only leaves the shrine when instructed to.

Speaking of appearance…

Cecil did a quick rundown of his attire. His black shoes were polished, his wine pants and dusty yellow shirt wrinkle-free, his red cloak was smoothed out as well, and the golden button of his yellow collar was centered. Cecil had a lock of hair in his face he tried to push aside, but it fell back. Regardless of the lock, everything was perfect--

Cecil suddenly stopped and hurriedly searched inside his pants pockets. Relief came over him when he felt the torn piece of cloth inside. Good. Good. Wouldn’t want to lose that.

Cecil went over to his dark oak dresser and grabbed the notes on top. It was a small list of reminders for himself. Most of the tasks were related to the upcoming Gathering, which Cecil wouldn’t need to help with until another hour, so that gives him time to clean around the room. Dust his desk, fold his clothes, organize his sewing supplies, arrange everything neatly, small things to make it nicer.

As Cecil skimmed the list, he remembered the absolute headache he’d be getting once Jesse returns. That man will do nothing but talk back and make his work harder until the Visions put him in place.

Cecil was all too familiar with Jesse rushing out of the shrine to cause problems, but usually Jesse tries to be on his best behavior after Brenner punishes him. He’ll try to do extra work, or at the very least apologize to make the Visions content.

But to Cecil’s dismay, Jesse left. Again. Cecil wondered what motivated Jesse to leave without warning. It was certainly a bold move. Absolutely irrational, but bold.

Cecil can’t stand that man. There isn’t a single redeeming thing about him. He knows the Visions need Jesse, that they need inside information about the enemies, but he can’t wait until his use has finally worn out. Oh, how he’d love to--

“Cecil!” Brenner called. Cecil jumped.

“Yes sir?”

Brenner opened his door and walked in, a look of displeasure on his face.

“Have you seen Jesse?” Brenner asked, his deep voice carried an all too familiar tone to it. A tone that’d turn bitter if Cecil were to give the wrong answer.

“No sir! I believe he went to the nearby town.” Cecil stiffened when Brenner’s frown turned to a scowl. That wasn’t what Brenner wanted to hear, but it was all Cecil could give.

“You mean to tell me, despite given direct orders, he has gone against my word? And you did nothing to stop him?” Brenner spoke through gritted teeth.

Panic started to rise in Cecil.

“No, I--I wasn’t aware he left until--”

Brenner raised his hand, “I do not want to hear your excuses. You are meant to watch over the members in this shrine, yet you’ve failed to keep track of just one.”

“I apologize, sir.” Cecil bowed, “I am ashamed of myself. I will strive to do better next time.”

Cecil could feel Brenner’s glare pierce through him. He tried to steady his breaths. This wasn’t the first time he’s lost sight of Jesse, and given how unpredictable he can be, it won’t be the last. He can’t control when Jesse leaves, he should’ve kept a better eye on him, but he can only do so much--but he needs to do better! He didn’t mean for this to happen, but it did, and he’s at fault.

Cecil awaited for the criticism he deserved, but when he brought his head up, Brenner was already leaving his room. Cecil scrambled and followed behind.

Brenner didn’t say a word as they walked down the cold hall, the redstone torches providing specks of warmth and filling the silence with their crackling. Cecil was still waiting. Waiting for Brenner to voice his disappointment, his frustration, but he didn’t. Which made his heart beat even faster. Cecil thought of all the ways he could make it up to Brenner. He could get him some books from the library room, or polish his weapons, or he could care for Mahlon’s garden! He never minds doing extra work for the Visions! Both they and The Awakening are worth every second.

Cecil was about to ask Brenner if he needed any help, but Brenner spoke.

“Have you heard from the people who volunteered to reactivate the portals?”

“I have heard that Axel has been at the library researching different flint and steels for the portals.” Cecil replied.

Brenner didn’t react.

“One member did manage to reach the portal near the ancient mineshaft’s entrance.”

“And has there been any activity?” Brenner asked.

“None yet, sir.”

The corner of Brenner’s mouth twitched, “So there has been no progress.”

“I’m afraid not.”

The two entered the nave. The redstone torches along the walls and by the stage were unlit. Cecil could see a few belongings scattered under the benches that members had forgotten, and below the podium was the basket of money they had gathered. Cecil will need to take care of these chores soon.

Cecil glanced at Brenner, who seemed far from satisfied with the reports. He didn’t want to bring only bad news to Brenner.

“I’ve yet to hear from the member who went to the Shrine of Eyes, so there’s a chance the portal there could’ve been activated!”

“Or it is simply another failure.” Brenner didn’t even entertain the thought.

Brenner placed his hand on a nearby wall and dragged it along. He stopped once he felt the railings of the stage’s stairs, held onto it, then made his way onto the stage, “We’ll need to branch out further, it seems. As much as I hate the idea of putting our members through such long travels, we won’t get anywhere feeling sorry about ourselves.”

Cecil did recall the many shrines he had seen years ago before he became a Sense. It was when he and an old friend had to chase their enemies through numerous sights to try and stop them from ruining the Awakening’s magnificent magma beast. Forests, caves, towns, abandoned villages… Most of the shrines they found were underground, few were on the surface, and there were probably hundreds more buried beneath rubble. It took Cecil and his friend days--weeks, even--to travel across the land. If they send their members out there, they’d need to be well prepared and go with a partner.

Cecil fixed his cloak, “Where should we start--”

The doors suddenly slammed open. They hit the walls and echoed throughout the nave.

And there stood Jesse.

He leaned against a column with a large smile on his face and laughter coming out with each breath. He was panting, his sleeve was soaked with blood, but despite all that, he was smiling.

“Jesse…?” Cecil whispered. Brenner brought his head up.

“Now just where have you been?!” Cecil stomped over to him, “Did you really think you could leave without permission from the Visions and be--”

“The portal…” Jesse said through heavy breaths. Cecil stopped. Brenner drew near.

“It works.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Jesse laid in his bed. Cecil sat beside him, holding his arm and plucking the glass out of his skin with a tweezer. His arm was starting to feel numb from Cecil holding it up for so long.

“How did this even happen?” Jesse heard Cecil complain as he carefully took out a piece of glass.  

“Broke a window.”

Cecil grumbled as he placed the piece on a small, blood stained towel where the rest of the pieces sat,  “If I recall, the Visions wanted you to make less of a scene, not more.”

Jesse rolled his eyes. Cecil wiped off the tweezers with a cleaner towel and brought it to Jesse’s arm again.

“Why they even give you so many chances is beyond me.” Cecil muttered, grabbing a rather large piece of glass.

“Hey, usually I come back with information or something good the Visions can use. It’s not like I mess up all the time. Could you imagine if I kept coming back empty handed? Or constantly beaten up? The Visions would never want someone as incompetent as that--OW!” Jesse yelped when Cecil tore the large chunk out of his arm. A horrible glare paired with a frustrated smile on his face.

“You’re just lucky you came in with good news, or Brenner would’ve thrown you back into that dark room where you belong.” Cecil hissed. He wiped the tweezers and placed them on Jesse’s nightstand before carefully wrapping the glass shards with the towel.

Cecil then grabbed the bandages from the stand and began unraveling it.

“Jeez, I thought you’d be a little happy I found out one of those portals worked.” Jesse turned his head away. He really wanted to move around and get into a more comfortable position, but he didn’t want to put up with Cecil’s whining while his arm was still in his hand.

“I am happy, but I’m certain I would be much happier if I was celebrating and helping the Visions with the next steps instead of wrapping up your injuries like a child!”

Jesse groaned and stared at the wall while Cecil worked on his arm. He can’t wait for blondie to leave so he can actually feel happy about his friend and the portal. Cecil just has to tear away any ounce of joy, doesn’t he?

“I spoke to Radar last time I went out.” Jesse said, looking at the symbols carved into the wall.

He waited for a reply. Nothing.

“He still doesn’t miss you.”

Cecil’s nails dug into his skin.

Jesse was hoping for more of a reaction, but it was better than nothing.

Finally, after several minutes of agonizing silence, Cecil finished.

“There. See how much faster things go when you don’t make a fuss?” Cecil said as he picked up the equipment from the nightstand. Jesse only huffed in response.

Cecil got off the bed, “Now that you’ve discovered the working portal, I’m hoping you’ll actually stay in the shrine and help.”

Jesse kept his mouth shut. He really didn’t want to listen to Cecil’s whiny voice for another minute. Jesse knew he helped plenty in and out of the shrine, the Visions had told him so before. He didn’t need Cecil’s approval to confirm that.

Jesse smiled when Cecil stepped out of his room.

“Bye Cecil! Don’t let Mahlon hit you on the way out!” He gave a little wave. Cecil shot him a vile glare before slamming the door.

Jesse chuckled and slowly laid back down, being careful not to hurt his arm.

He’d usually be much angrier at Cecil’s attitude, and he’d be much more bothered with his injured arm--especially since it’s his good arm--but he wasn’t. He couldn’t be. How could he feel so bad at a time like this? Cecil’s bickering, the pain, the fight back in Obsidian Town, all of it washed away as he thought about Olivia. That’s all that mattered to him, really. Seeing that glimpse of her filled him with joy, it brought color back to this world, it was everything he needed to see.

He shifted around on the old mattress, hugging himself as he thought of ways he’d reunite with Olivia. He needs to think of ways to help her out of Aiden’s house. They’re filling her mind with awful lies, no doubt. They’ll try to make her hate him as well.

Jesse stared at the stone ceiling, the red light from the torches flickering off the walls, and thought of how to rescue Olivia.

‘Write your thoughts down.’ A voice in Jesse’s head said. That’d be a great way to help him brainstorm, plus he didn’t have a chance to write yesterday.

Jesse rolled over to the edge of his bed and stuck his hand into the side, where he made a large hole months ago. He dug around the cushions, eyes lighting up when he felt the cover of his journal.

He pulled it out and flipped to the newest page. He turned to his nightstand to grab his pen, but it wasn’t there. It was there earlier, did Cecil steal it? It doesn’t matter, he had plenty of other pens on his desk.

Jesse got up and walked across his bedroom, stepping over torn notes, book pages, used bandages, dirty clothes, and his iron sword--which he was careful not to step on the blade.

This is the cleanest his room’s been in quite some time, honestly. Usually he was too busy helping the Visions or too exhausted to ever clean it. He never found the time--nor motivation--to ever pick it up. The most he ever did to ‘organize’ was put his clothes in a wooden basket, since he didn’t have a dresser. He didn’t really mind the basket, he never had a big wardrobe in the first place. The rest of his items were usually shoved under the bed, thrown on the floor, or piled onto his desk and chair.

Maybe he could clean around here after he wrote. He could stack his stuff against the walls to hide the marks and scratches, he could put the books on the small shelves of his desk, throw away the trash, place his valued possessions somewhere safer… He has plenty of time to clean since Brenner allowed him to take the rest of the day off. He actually wants to put in the effort for once. He remembers how much Olivia never liked a mess, despite her room always being ‘organized chaos’ as she called it.

Maybe if he cleans it well enough, there’ll be enough space for Olivia to share! It’ll be just like old times. The Visions should be okay with it.

Jesse got to his desk and started moving whatever items he had off the wooden top. It was quite a sturdy desk, considering it was holding up so many of his belongings; books, old ink bottles, shards of broken weapons. The desk was made of spruce with a drawer below the top. Behind the desk and pushed against the wall was a bookcase the same color. The shelves were disorganized, just like everything else in his room.

Anytime Jesse found a feathered pen, he’d quickly scribble on a piece of paper, then grumble when he got nothing before tossing it aside and looking for another pen.

‘There’s probably some more hiding under the books.’

Jesse started grabbing whatever books he could and placed them on the ground, making sure to be quiet. The Visions hated it when he got noisy.  

Jesse would skim the titles of the books he moved. Most of them were gifted to him by the Visions, the others he’d stolen from the library. The books centered around the Hero, The Impossible Man, a few were about old crafts and creations like portals and mining mechanisms, and one book about redstone. He only ever used redstone to make torches, he didn’t know how to make any of those fancy contraptions, nor was he allowed to use much dust, but it was the only thing he had that reminded him of Olivia. Lukas’ missing poster was tucked between the pages.

He was sure to be gentle with that book.

Jesse went to grab another, but stopped when he saw the book of Awakening Weapons that Brenner had given him. This was one of his favorite books. The art on each page, the history behind each piece, and what each weapon symbolized always drew him back. He’s read this hundreds of times, and he’ll read it a hundred more.

Jesse started flipping through the pages, halting whenever he found a weapon he recognized. Most of the weapons he had seen before were found throughout his and his former-friends’ adventures. Cassie and Petra had found a couple in the Nether, and Hadrian and Mevia mounted the weapons they had on their walls or threw them into their umbrella rack.

Jesse has seen spears, hammers, tridents, even a fan, and those were only a small handful out of who knows how many undiscovered weapons.  

Jesse soon found the page that had Brenner’s weapon. A sword. A brilliant sword.  

He’s seen Brenner use it in the training room before. It was about the size of Jesse’s leg. It’s broad, silver blade still had an extraordinarily sharp tip. Despite its length and how heavy it seemed, Brenner swung it around with ease.

In the book, the author had mentioned that the grip and guard of the sword was a dark teal color. While Brenner’s certainly had the teal, it also had blotches of dusty red. Rust, most likely.

Jesse never had the chance to study the sword up close, Brenner wouldn’t allow it, but he knew there had to be Awakening symbols etched into it, along with speckles of the magnificent, red dust. The other weapons Jesse’s seen before had such details, Brenner’s sword wouldn’t be an exception.

The training room held a few more Awakening weapons; an axe, daggers, a shield, and another spectacular, diamond sword Jesse had his eye on. There were probably more weapons stored in the chests.

Brenner was the only one who used these weapons. Mahlon didn’t have the strength anymore. Mahlon has told him how he used to be ‘Quite the fighter’ back when he was Jesse’s age, but nowadays it seems he uses most of his energy for shouting. Cecil wasn’t allowed to use any of the weapons, Brenner forbade it, so Cecil used his own daggers. Jesse’s seen Cecil use heavier weapons in the past, so forbidding him from using them is for the best. Brenner had once mentioned that Antonin used to train with him, and their matches would last quite a while. Antonin often used the sword Jesse liked, the shield, and the daggers.

Jesse uses what’s given to him. The iron swords, bows and arrows, and sometimes one of Cecil’s daggers if he’s able to steal it for the day.

Jesse once questioned if he’d ever be able to use any Awakening weapons one day.

“These weapons have been passed down through generations of Visions and Senses. They are made for the strongest and most dedicated of members.” Brenner’s words echoed in his head.

“Are they only for the leaders?”

Jesse still remembered the way Brenner swung his sword. The determined, concentrated look in his eyes.

“There are exceptions. They may be gifted to members who have proven their loyalty towards the Awakening. Those who have risked their lives for others, who have been beside the Visions for years… They must be worthy of such weapons.”

Suddenly a long, high, quivering creek brought Jesse back to reality. That sounded like Mahlon’s door.

Jesse stood in his room and stared at the book in his hands.

He wasn’t getting any writing done.

He still needs to find a way to save Olivia.

He should get to it.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Brenner stepped into Mahlon’s room, “Sir?”

“Now, now, you know you don’t need to call me that.” Mahlon replied from his desk. Brenner could hear the scratching of pen against paper, and the sound of redstone torches snapping. “Is all well? I heard you speaking with Jesse.”

“Yes. He had gone to town for a few moments.”

“And I’m hoping he hasn’t caused another scene?” Mahlon carefully closed his bottle of ink and placed it on the top left shelf of his desk, where he kept the rest of his writing supplies. His right shelves had the more sentimental items; photos, small jewelry, his favorite books.

Brenner came closer, the smell of old books and wet soil of Mahlon’s plants became stronger.

“No, however…”

Mahlon’s grip on his pen tightened as he prepared for the worse.

“... He has discovered a successful portal in one of the abandoned shrines.”

Mahlon froze.

His pen fell to the floor.

“How…” Mahlon whispered, his heart pounding in his chest, “How is he so sure?”

“He’s stated to have found his once-dead friend in the nearby town. She appeared mere days after the Shrine of Eyes had been activated, I find it hard to believe this is a coincidence. I also doubt Jesse would lie about such a thing. We should start focusing on--!” Brenner was suddenly pulled closer by Mahlon.

Mahlon’s joyful laughter filled the room as he spun and danced around, hands locked with Brenner’s.

“Oh this is wonderful! This is fantastic!” Mahlon cheered. It’s been ages since he’s been so happy, so joyous, so full of energy! This is what they’ve been needing for so long. It’s what they’ve been looking for for so long! Hope. Even the tiniest speck of it was enough to light up the entire shrine.

Brenner moved along with Mahlon, his ‘dancing’ more like rigid steps as he focused on making sure Mahlon didn’t stumble over the rug or collide with any of the furniture.

Mahlon thanked the Hero as they danced. He thanked the Hero for blessing them, for giving those who have passed a second chance, for making such miracles possible.

“It is wonderful news, isn’t it?” Brenner said, no trace of enthusiasm in his voice.

Mahlon slowed, “Aren’t you happy? Excited?”

“I am.” Brenner let go of Mahlon’s hands, “But I will save my energy for later.”

Brenner stepped away and placed his hands behind his back, “Please don’t let me stop you from celebrating. I’ve a lot on my mind on what our next steps should be.”

“Oh dear, you’re right. We have to figure out the portal’s materials, how to prepare the vault below, and--and we need to tell the members of this news as well!” Mahlon couldn’t stay still. He rushed back to his desk and grabbed a clean sheet of paper; he needs to write this down!

“Exactly.” Brenner lifted his head, “We have much to prepare for.”