#so maybe you get it twice. and i still havent found a way i like doing lineart

[wizling]

i tried manifesting three houses dlc where they talk and i didnt get it. i tried manifesting another fodlan game where they talk and i didnt get it. im now manifesting three hopes dlc where they-

[rubylovessharks]

Hiiiii! I just stumbled across your blog and I’m in love. (Me rn-😍😍😍) Anywayssss, would you be willing to do some sfw/nsfw head-cannons for the seven demon brothers from obey me? If not all seven Asmo, Beel, Belfie, and Levi are my faves! Thanks so much in advance if you don’t want to do this I completely understand and my feelings won’t be hurt.

Please remember to drink plenty of water and get plenty of rest. With luv, Madzzz. 💜💜💜

^^^^Btw this is me manifesting you see this^^^^

omgg ofc i can!! (try-) alsoo thanks for the whishes, staying healthy is super important, so you should too! :D <3 gn!mc x the demon bros ;) considering the fact that you havent specified the gender of the mc im doing gender natural if thats ok- ok! so! sfw and nsfw hcs!!

so sorry if this wont be what you were hoping :(

Lucifer

🩷sfw🩷

can we all agree that this guy when he gets drunk he becomes clingy af?

he just sends you a bunch of messages telling you to come over

and when you do come over he's just laying in bed there, eyes half closed and face red.

anyway you get the point. when Lucifer gets drunk he wants to cuddle you for a few good hours

drunk times aside- normally your actual dates are more active.

by which I mean either you two talk about random stuff or Lucifer takes you somewhere

❤️nsfw❤️

the only time I think Luci will be willing to get fucked is when he's drunk. but you do need his consent waaay beforehand. as you should irl too

other then that he doms all the time.

I feel like he'd be into bdsm

i kinda think he'll be into rope stuff. he seems like the type who'd want to tie you up, but also in a pretty way ;)

also spanking.

Mammon

🩷sfw🩷

the typa guy who'd give you gifts saying he "coincidently" found it(asifhewasntlookingforthebestthingtogiveyou) and the moment someone sees you with it and asks about it and you say that it's from your boyfriend he becomes the happiest ever <3

also is really into pda, like he won't admit it- but he NEEDS to hold your hand in public. how else will people know you are his???

Mams is also really into kisses. like any kisses really- forehead kisses, cheek kisses, hand kisses, nose kisses ANY KISSES

unfraternally he'll sometimes come to you to ask to borrow money.... but he'll get you back

with a kiss on the cheek and the possibility of taking your walking privilege...

❤️nsfw❤️

switch, leaning to sub

the last thing I said about your walking privilege is true. Mammon thinks he just needs to fuck you hard enough as payback for letting him borrow some money

and with the stamina he has, it's totally enough to fuck your brains out ;)

I think he's into cuffs, won't matter if it's on him or on you, but if they go on his hands it has to be roleplay

what roleplay? cop stuff :3

Mams acts as an inmate or robber who just got caught, and you as a cop who is arresting him or punishing him

kinky stuff ya know?

I feel like he'd be into getting his cock milked as you ride him for hours upon hours

maybe has a choking kink? towards him I mean- he's too scared to choke you to death.. but there is a possibility that he'll choke you when he fucks you out of jealousy

Leviathan

🩷sfw🩷

gaming dates <3

canonically Levi isn't really one to like going outside so it makes sense that he'd prefer to hang in his or your room (mostly in his)

it'll take him some time until he'll actually be comfortable to be all touchy and physical.

but i like to think that even then he'd be more simple and not all clingy

aquarium dates ♡ once in a while, when he's actually ready for the outside world

he finds aquarium dates to be a little bit fun once or twice a year

but yeah it's mostly just gaming dates and dates where you watch anime and such-

AND cosplay dates

mostly ruri cosplay dates, but still cosplay dates as a whole ♡

❤️nsfw❤️

like with physical touch it'll take him a long time until he'll be ready for sex

he'll be all blushy and, sorry, kinda sweaty when sex is mentioned.

he's just so not used to it :(

LEVI IS A SUB.

well switch technically- but he's more in the being fucked out of his mind position then the fucking you out of your mind position

but how do you get him in a domy mood? probably either by making him jealous, or in a more competitive mood.

what do i mean? well just egg him on, tell him that you can totally win this game round, and the next one, and the next one. well you gotta win for it to actually work- but still. the more you do it the more upset he is

it doesn't work all the time, but he has a bit of a competitive side ;)

he's a kinda kinky guy, he'd probs be into things like tons of praise but with a mix of humiliation (to both sides)

like if you were to tell him that he's been soo good for you and what he does is probably sit on the floor while his mouth and face is being used for you to get off

Satan

🩷sfw🩷

reading dates :D

can happen in his/your room, but can also happen out in a cat cafe or a park outside :3

and if you aren't a person who likes to read Satan is willing to read for you once in a while

you and him will definitely take in cats without Lucifer's agreement, you'll just keep them in Satan's room or your's and take care of them there.

you, him and Belphie are out to get Luci. and if it's just the two of you without Belphegor it feels like a date idea for Satan :p

from time to time you'll hear Satan talk on and on about different research stuff that he's into for the time being

and you'll tots be hearing this guy talk a lot about his detective books

❤️nsfw❤️

cockwarming while Satan reads.

is there more to say? like do ya'll need an explanation????

this is getting in a more kinky-noteverydaykinks territory but can we agree that Satan is into collars?

it just seems right idk. like it won't matter to him who's wearing it- he likes wearing them, and seeing them on his s/o

another switch, i mean i like to think that most of them are switches.. but like I'll still say it every time.

leaning into dom territory, but he won't mind being fucked into oblivion

angry sex. who knows what might've started it but if he needs to take out his anger on something your hole will be number 1 (ofc he you say you dont want to he wont- everything is consensual)

also into roleplay stuff, probs petplay. kinky stuff

Asmodeus

🩷sfw🩷

first thing I'm going to say is painting nails dates. spa dates. any beauty care dates will happen.

and you can't escape it :)

he WILL post you on any of his social medias with captions that say things like "look at my lover ♡ aren't they the cutest!?" :3

I think Asmo will be the type of person who'd like to get gifts as a receiving love language, and as a giving love language it'll be physical touch

i feel like as a whole he likes being physical, I mean have you seen this guy?? but I think he feels more special when you buy or make him gifts <3

❤️nsfw❤️

THE KINKIEST GUY EVER

like he literally is the avatar of lust. like doesn't that make him kinky enough??????

switch and it's literally is 50/50 with sub and dom with him

toys. toys all the way. when he doms he uses toys, when he subs he uses toys. toys are something he really likes

of course there will be times when he doesn't want to use them and really get more lovey dovey ♡

during sex you two may switch between sub and dom at least once.

Beelzebub

🩷sfw🩷

shares with you anything he wants to eat ♡

it'll probably be half eaten if he already has his hands on it but he tries his best to control himself so you'd at least have even the smallest of bites <3

he sometimes accidentally bites you, like not super hard and painful but there are times it leaves a mark-

can and will give you piggyback rides if you ask him

when you two go to a restaurant and in typical Beelzebub fashion he eats too much and the bill is huge he'll tell you he'll be the one paying, even for your share.

COOKING DATES!!!!!!!!

sure he might eat half of the ingredients- but he'll try his best to not eat it all so you two can have a finished product ♡

❤️nsfw❤️

I know everyone says this but it's true. this guy eats you out like a pro.

and it doesn't matter if you have a pussy, a cock or anything else- it doesn't matter. he knows how to put his mouth to good use. and he can go FOR HOURS and not get tired. it's like his favorite thing♡

we all know this man is packing. probably has the biggest dick of them all(maybe diavolo's is bigger who wants to help me measure :))

and he's so sweet when you try to take him ♡ ♡ ♡

he'll tell you things like "You can do it" "I know..it is pretty big...but you took it before!" with such a sweet smile you know he says this not to make fun of you, but because he actually thinks you can take his huge cock ♡

Beel will proooobably lose control and kinda start fucking you like an animal in heat after a few while of fucking

but after that he does such nice aftercare!

Belphegor

🩷sfw🩷

naps all the way :3

you are the pillow. you can't say anything but yes.

I like to think that he has dreams about you, and if he dreams of something that he's actually willing to do in real life he'll ask you if you'd like to do it :D

when you two do go out he likes to hold your hand, for more then just pda. he might fall asleep while standing and walking from time to time, so you can notice if he fell asleep or not.

do you know what I think you two might do? go to bed stores and try out the beds :3

❤️nsfw❤️

sadistic fuck. (affectionate)

he's a dom, even when he's half asleep.

I think he'd kinda tell you to ride him even when it looks like he's about to fall asleep, and the moment you stop he's immediately awake telling you to continue

will degrade you, like he's real mean

he does like the idea of chocking you but ya know.. might take a while....probs a few years-

well anything too dangerous will take a few years until he feels like he can actually do anything to you..

he's into anything that can and will humiliate you

he'd be into somnophilia but towards himself

maybe towards you? with consent ofc but mostly towards himself

why? cuz he can and will fall asleep during sex. and if it's something like you riding him he'd be totally fine with you still going even when he falls asleep.

[kaidatheghostdragon]

You know what mixture of AUs i havent seen here yet? Danny x Bruce with de-aged clones!

Bruce and danny are near the same age and meet pretty early in batman's career, maybe even before dick was adopted. Danny is a single dad of infant/toddler twins ellie and dante. (To make them young and at the same age, i imagine they were rescued after both taking serious damage and retreated to their cores, and remerged as newborns about the same time, but i also want to leave this open for others to flesh out.) Timeline-wise, that would probably make them somewhere around jason or tim's age.

So now we have an au where the bat kids are collected into a stable home where bruce and danny are also raising ellie and dante. Bruce is much closer to WFA characterization right from the get-go because danny would whip him into shape.

Tim probably gets adopted because one of the phantoms sniff him out, either living alone in the neighboring mansion, or following the bats and ghosts on patrol.

Talia either stole bruce's (and/or danny's) dna or drugged bruce (it didnt work on danny) to create damian. If bruce was drugged, danny is on a warpath and might even find and rescue damian at a much younger age.

Jason's timeline is the most difficult to predict, and i will forever simp halfa jason, so he's gotta die no matter what changes. I dont think that's terribly difficult because the joker specifically targeted him to lure him out (assuming i understand canon correctly - also this is definitely true in the UtRH animated movie canon). If jason isnt interested in finding his biomom in this au, joker will just find a different bait. Would be cool if danny is able to track down jason's ghost during the six-month down time and brings him home, and a potential point of angst if he revives without his memories as a ghost (and is lost for a while before danny tracks him down again.)

(Danny probably doesn't have the no-killing rule like bruce, so he'd have no qualms killing the joker and detaining/destroying his ghost. If not danny, then jazz would. Bruce conveniently looks the other way.)

Batman mythology in this universe is inexorably linked to phantom mythology. They both help each other out with vigilante stuff. Danny's team (sam/tucker/val/jazz) visit often and are considered aunts/uncle to the batkids. Batfam is highly liminal because they are part of danny's fraid. They might even develop liminal powers, if that's your kind of headcanon.

Danny may or may not be ghost king, but i like the idea that he's the crown prince and wont be coronated for several more decades. He's got time and all the resources that position affords him. Danny still gets hounded by the observants, but the batkids have made a game of pranking the annoying eyeballs.

Danny is a founding member of the justice league and of jld (the rest of his team might be as well). Batman is much more knowledgeable of the supernatural because of danny. I like the idea of constantine being more terrified of phantom than batman. He still gets called on for advice because he's the demonology and magic expert, while danny specializes more in ghosts and Realms technology.

Ellie and dante are not allowed to join the vigilante scene until they turn 12 (they managed to argue it down from 14), but because of their powers (and potentially retaining memories and experience) there are numerous occasions before then that they functioned as a sort of vigilante retrevial unit - zooming out and retrieving anyone who was injured or otherwise hit their emergency beacon and bringing them straight back to the cave. They might have even done this once or twice during justice league emergencies.

I'll leave their vigilante identities open to discussion, but im partial toward a really old drawing i remember seeing here on tumblr, someone designed a pink batsuit for ellie with exaggerated bat ears, and a sort of glider cloak that attached to her belt or her wrists to disguise her flight as gliding. (If someone knows the post im talking about, please leave a link so the artist can be credited!)

As for danny's old team...

Jazz works at arkham, helping to reform the place and causing many of batman's rogues to reform a bit earlier. She is the expert called in by the justice league to formulate ways to both detain and to help various rogues globally. She especially likes the flash because of the friendly attitude he has towards his own rogues.

Sam is a humanitarian. If she has plant powers, she's using them to establish food stability in poorer nations, helping the people there become more self-sustaining, as well as providing relief for disaster-stricken areas whose farms need to be completely rebuilt and regrown. Jazz introduces her to poison ivy, and the two end up joined at the hip, helping to reform ivy much earlier. (Would it be weird to make this au have sam x ivy and jazz x harley?)

Valerie probably stays in Amity Park to be its designated hero since danny moved out. If the fentons are good, she works alongside them as the fentons also develop tech for the justice league. If they arent, im gonna assume theyre the reason dante and ellie got de-aged, danny absconded with their cores to keep them safe, and the rest of team phantom descended on the fenton parents like hungry wolves. When the dust settled, valerie and her dad were left in charge of protecting amity and with ownership of fentonworks.

Tucker is a freelance hacker slash tech expert, and will kit out any vigilante's tech and security free of charge. His unique blend of magitech is very difficult to counter, making it all-the-more sought after. He probably helped set oracle up and maybe even trained/mentored barb to some extent.

There are lots of other potential changes, but ill stop here.

[thirdtidemouse]

pretend i havent been inactive for 100 years. i've been watching renegade nell and its giving me a new sketchbook au idea/accompanying doodles. essentially: fae highwaywoman johanna is on the run, kaisa is Out To Get Her with dark magic

you have to cut me some slack with how silly i sound. its the hyperfixation. im ill

i'm casting these freaks like actors. Johanna is Nell:

it is 1705, and barkeep Johanna has found herself a highwaywoman on the run for a murder she didn't do, accompanied by her daughters and aided by a little spirit named Alfur. she has found fae-like abilities, and despite her good intentions, she is now feared across half the country as an invincible murderess.

Kaisa is Sofia:

hunting her down is Kaisa, a lady whose family owns Johanna's pub, whose father Johanna is falsely accused of killing, and who is obsessed with catching her. she uses dark magic to fuck with Johanna's life remotely, summoning things to attack her etc - she may be untouchable when it comes to human enemies, but not magic. Kaisa herself is lonely, surprisingly empathetic, and is desperate to prove her worth and have control over her life.

other character notes:

give Johanna a gun

she is a painter and illustrator still. she is struggling to find time for her hobbies

she would rather not be robbing people but has no problem if she needs to. the rich ones have more money than they know what to do with anyway, and if she has to take a horse from some poor guy, she leaves him with stolen valuables in exchange. she's a little robinhood about it.

i think it would be so fun to keep the mythical creatures around. watch out for Devilwoman Johanna who is strong enough to kill a troll!! (she would never)

yes Lauren (belonging to @blaithnne) is included. Nell is accompanied by her two little sisters, brave & helpful older sister Roxy, and funny & inquisitive little sister George. Lauren & Hilda take their place, and maybe Frida and David tag along hehe.

Lauren & Hilda keep getting taken hostage in attempts to get Jo to turn herself in, but they always get out of it. until they do, Hilda probably talks their ears off about dragons and Lauren makes terrifying threats.

no one else REALLY specifically fits character slots like Amadin, Thomas, and Charles (there aren't a lot of men in hilda lol) so i'm going to wing it and the other characters can fill their roles when needed maybe

Thomas is Sofia's brother who killed both their father and Nell's father, and is generally reckless, careless, and easily badly influenced. i'm actually thinking of putting 18yo Dylan (oc of mine who is Kaisa's younger sister) in his place. she is a lot sweeter in regular hilda universe but i think the plot & i could fuck with her character enough that she gains these insecure, irresponsibly cruel tendencies. sorry Dylan

both Johanna and Kaisa were witnesses when her father died. Kaisa knows she's innocent, but goes along with the accusation to save Dylan from being arrested and keep the family (and their place in society) from falling apart. I'm thinking of making Dylan a boy in this, to keep the dynamic of the land going to him when papa dies > he would be a terrible landlord > Kaisa gets to take the reigns and keep everything in working order because she actually cares and enjoys having things to watch over and work on

in general Kaisa is very lonely, has to work twice as hard for the power and respect men are given automatically, and yearns for the kind of freedom and support that Johanna has despite being an outlaw from a poor family.

i think David and Frida could fill Amadin's role as friends they pick up along the way. David's loyalty and voice of reason, and Frida's fierce protectiveness and determination to prove herself both remind me of his character.

i'm inclined to draw a blank for Poynton, the main villain, a Jacobite amongst the royal guard, the siblings' traitorous mentor in black magic, and the indirect reason their dad died in the first place. Tildy is Kaisa's mentor, but not an evil one. the closest Hilda has to real villains is Erik, and the head witches maybe, but none of them really hit the nail on the head for this guy. an au oc may be in order!!!

the Bellkeeper can be Charles maybe lol. he is an established highwayman leading a double life as both a wanted criminal and a aristocrat. he is suave, a little campy, and a firm believer that with confidence, you can sweet-talk anyone into believing you are anyone. he annoys Johanna into letting him tag along and help with disguises and plans just because he finds it fun.

Lady Eularia Moggerhanger runs the newspapers, and i'm splitting that between two characters for a couple reasons. Erik is the owner of the presses (not putting him in the royal guard because it wouldn't make sense for him to be a Jacobite rebel) who generally enjoys fearmongering and controlling the public.

Victoria is the head editor with a taste for dramatics but seeks the truth above all else, and happens to be the Bellkeeper's 'friend in high places' who begrudgingly bails him out of trouble.

Gerda replaces Polly, a good-hearted writer and believer of justice who falls head over heels for Jo when she gets highway-robbed by her and mistakes her for a man. is later appointed assistant editor of the newspaper.

this happens i guess

this isn't meant to stick to the plot of renegade nell, there's a lot going on and it would be easier (and more interesting) to figure out an original plot with this different cast of characters. i just thought it would be fun to put sketchbook into an 18th century highwayman period fantasy drama with dark magic and pixies. and enemies to lovers. okay thanks

i might add onto this at some point if anyone has any questions or additions LET ME KNOW!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU

[troutpopulation]

Thinking about my detransition again and how I will never be ashamed of it. I will never be reduced to an inanimate political talking point. I will talk about it and advocate for people like me. I will never be reduced to a fetish. I will talk about it and how it has changed and transformed my sexuality. I will not be treated as obscene. I will talk about it regardless of who it pisses off.

I will talk about the regret I do and do Not feel. There are moments I wonder in pain how much easier my life would have been had I not transitioned in the first place. What kind of girl I could have been, what kind of friends I would have had and the ridiculous fashion phases i would have had pictures of today. Then I remember my friends are exactly the people who supported me through everything, the boy smiling in those old pictures is exactly who he needed to be at that time and built the stairs I walk upon now in my adulthood. He worked with what a traumatized child was given as tools and built the foundations of the home I reside in. Even if shaving my face annoys me in the morning, I remain thankful my pain led me to exploring my gender rather than suicide. Every swipe of a razor is a moment I chose to live and find solutions, and answers.

I will talk about the unique sexuality of being detransitioned. I will be vocal of the distaste I have for those who view my life as a seual degredation and torture fetish. I am not a fetish, but I will not be nullified to comfort others who cover their eyes and scream at the idea of female sexuality. Or the seuality in general of those who have detransitioned. Watching, experincing yourself become new and more yourself is exciting, I can't sit and pretend like it wasn't incredible seeing my figure change to an hourglass, or suddenly turning heads and feeling my ass fuller when I walk. And how incredible it was to lay in the arms of a man who saw me for who I was, who stroked the stubble on my chin in the early morning and said I was the most beautiful woman in the world. I won't apologize for how I marveled at the way the orgasm changed on and off HRT, or the way my vulva is effortlessly wet now. And I hope everybody whos detransitioned finds joy and delight in their bodies a second time.

I do wonder why so many people are so frightened by this persepctive. Why they cling to the idea that other people, or even themselves are condemned forever to misery because of what they rigidly define as a mistake rather than a part of a fluid journey of life. And it saddens me how much of themselves they've killed before they've died. If you're reading this, please challenge yourself to be fair to yourself. Do you really believe your existence is a punishment? Because you had the guts to explore and find out who you are? Because you had the strength to realize that there were other options? Because you did what people look down on and did it anyways for your own happiness? Because you got to the right place taking a longer path? Does that somehow make you lesser for having seen more than what others have seen and been more than what others have been?

Maybe its because I found God and purpose in things other people havent. Maybe that changed the way I saw my life or reaffirmed by belief that even in moments where I feel like life could have been better had I never transitioned I still know deep down I will never be what bigots think. How am I wrong? Because I was able to partake in the joy of creation not once but twice? Because I, among millions like me- cis, trans, detransitioned- all built ourselves from the ground up as many times as it took to get it right? That I feel pride in that? Its a humbling experience, to mold a human, even moreso when you take a change in artistic direction against peer feedback. If that's so wrong, then I do wrong without remorse. I'll do it a million times over, if I am who I am.

[roe-and-memory]

ive said this on twitter so i think its time for u guys to hear it too

i think sarge and fillmore were one of those “if you havent gotten married or arent dating anyone by [age], then we should get together”

just think about it. sarge and fillmore meeting at some bar, sarge just got home from deployment on permanent medical Meaning he would go back, and they both kind of hit it off. they become immediate best friends. every so often, maybe twice a week or so, they go out for drinks “as friends” (be fr theyre dates, theyre just completely blind to each others signs).

during one of these dates, SARGE gets the urge to ask fillmore out on a Real date. instead, it comes out as “if neither of us are in a relationship by 40, wanna get together instead?” and he follows it up with “for tax benefits, i guess.” fillmore agrees and so the clock begins.

four years go by, this deal is still on the forefront of both of their minds (just.. sarge is a little too overwhelmed to admit it), and fillmore brings it up again. he starts with “have you found anyone yet?” and sarge, of course, says no. “have you had interest in anyone?” again, no. so, fillmore brings up the idea that they just do it now. sarge is all in - of course he is. hes been gay for this man for four and a half years ‼️ hes absolutely gonna say yes to dating ‼️

they fall into a comfortable routine together and still kind of act like friends except the romance is Very there. sarge is never seriously annoyed by fillmore, just thinks hes cheesy as hell but in an affectionate way.

i think they live together at fillmores, sarge’s place is just a military grade stuff store, and theyre Very happy even if they have slightly differing opinions

[drdemonprince]

hello okay so my apolocheese for any bad english... not my main language

i am reading unmasking autism, and im still stuck thinking about the bat and ball problem.. because i got it wrong when i was reading your book. but the thing is, like two years ago, my dad out of nowhere asked me that exact same problem.. and i got it right !? so like what i dont understand is why i keep getting it wrong, if the first time i got it right. when i tried to do it yesterday, i got a little panicky and nervous and couldnt think so i was like "ohhh myy ggaaddd uhmm ummm the bat the ball the uhh. the dollar money*profusely sweating*its 1 dolar i think i dont know... "

anyways, the reasons why im so stuck thinking about it is 1. i have no idea why i got it right the first time and after that got it wrong twice, and 2. i keep questioning if getting it wrong might mean im like, definitely not autistic

for some context, ive been questioning that i may be autistic for like, 3 to 4 years.. but i still havent found a solid answer, cant go to any doctors, i keep trying to disprove it because i dont struggle enough, end up overthinking it, all that stuff... ( i could keep talking but theres already mucho texto ! and this stuff is probably irrelevant either ways. also should i mention my age? not sure if it matters but im 18 )

so im actually not sure why im sending you this ask but like, idk i keep thinking about it for some reason. maybe you had some type of answer about what it... means, i guess !? im not sure if it even means anything considering i always ger nervous with problems like that and end up saying wrong answers.. yeah sorry this is kinda silly, hope its not too annoying of an ask o_0

oh lord, please don't a single logic problem convince you you're not autistic! 80% of autistic people get questions *like that one* right. That doesn't mean we all do. And there are a variety of questions used in the original experiment. The ones that don't involve math tend to be less anxiety provoking for many.

That question is not a diagnostic test. We don't believe in diagnosing autism here. Autistic is an identity and a political movement. All you have to do to join is to claim it.

[petrichoraline]

SLEEPOVER SATURDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🥳🥳🥳

what are your top 5 japanese BLs?

tell me about a fond memory or your comfort food (or both!!!!!)

[I LOVE YOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

[LOVE YOU TOO MY SWEETESTTTTT💗💞💕💖💓💗]

these are suchh good questions omg okay

i suck at ranking things and don't enjoy it one bit because i don't do faves, im too fluid in my tastes and can't ever pick criteria but! let's try in no particular order

1. Kieta Hatsukoi

i think im in the habit of dropping things from my fave lists as time goes by and especially if they're well beloved by other people like "okay then I'll focus on this less talked about thing, my bby seems to be getting enough attention"; how and why I work that way im not sure but I do and by that logic kieta hatsukoi should not be on my list but it's an honorary member - I've watched it twice (with maybe a bit of skipping which is still a lot cause I don't really do rewatches) and I've read most of the manga. it's just so..easy to like, for a lack of a better phrase. it's inoffensive and suited to be a comfort piece of media in whichever form you decide to enjoy it (and it'd make an amazing anime, i guarantee people would be all over it)

the live adaptation also takes the events of the manga and mixes them around big time but it still makes sense and it keeps you a bit more on your toes when consuming the other version, whether you watch the show or read the manga first

it's also a show I've recommended passionately and I successfully made my then new acquaintance watch which I'm a bit smug about lmao

sweet characters, supportive friends, funny, light and warm 💖

2. The End of the World With You

*indescribable screeches*

this showwww, i dont know if i can call it a fave since i havent once come back to it, i dont feel the need to go watch compilations of my guys or anything and i acknowledge there were some elements i found a bit lacking but! it's amazing. idc, this show gave me proper complex relationship where i still end up rooting for a couple of people who were toxic towards each other and did nootttt know how to handle a relationship; the dynamic is compelling, the premise is interesting enough, there are heavy scenes and plot points but it is embedded with hope

it also helped me bond a bit with a mutual i like <3

i just am thankful for it existing out there in the world, it served fucked up relationship (that i root for wholeheartedly), sexy times, found family, amazing acting and it didnt have most of the chaos an apocalyptic piece would usually be dealing with

3. BL Drama no Shuen ni Narimashita: Crank Up Hen

listen. we're getting some pretty good jbls this year but i said this will be jbl of the year and i still think it's a solid nominee.

the romance is tooth-achingly sweet. the leads are adorable. the acting is perfect and manages to deliver the comedy very well. it's cute, it's fun, it knows exactly what it wants to achieve and works with its timeframe to do it. the side characters do not affect the plot negatively, the hurdles the couple needs to overcome do not feel excessive. if you happen to yell at them for being silly, it's lovingly. also we got more chemistry than i expected! and it was really good. it also set up an example for ''japanese actors working on bls'' (found the things like shooting promos and the portrayed bts process really fun) so now watching 25 ji Ajisaka de i can't help but think of this show

4. Utsukushii Kare

my relationship with this show suffers from the "enough people love it" thing as well, i think i rewatched it or skipped through the first season? and i enjoyed the second one as well but honestly it feels not only as if enough people love it but that they love it and get it way better than i do. i didnt watch the movie out of fear of having to say bye to my guys but i also feel more disconnected from it now. im sure its still a gem of a movie and im so so happy we got two seasons and a movie, the show and the cast deserve it!!

there is just so much beauty in their yearning for each other and the misunderstandings, the downright stupid decisions they make..they all just work in making this a neat story of love that blooms from something different, from worship and the desire to be seen and to be held and to be possesed. they're wild, i love them

5. Kinou Nani Tabeta?

this show i watched years before i got into bl and i didn't even know it was a bl when i started it lol, i was like "ohhh, theyre a couple? cool"

i rewatched the first season, watched the special and the movie, started the second season and kinda got stuck there, again with hte "i dont want to let them go"..and now ive lost momentum and ive got basically a whole season ahead (i started it when it was airing 😭)

these two love each other so much and support each other in every way that matters, my heart melts at every sweet gesture and even though the show portrays some real struggles they have to deal with, its still a very funny and light show. the best word to describe it would be "charming" - you see this couple's everyday life, you see how they came to be and what challenges they face, how they overcome them and you're left with no doubt in your mind they will grow old together, well loved and taken care of

now I wanted ti turn this into a top 10 but I felt like I was being disingenuous cause I can't overcome my need to talk about underrated shows rather than pick my faves..I can't make a faves list without turning it into a diverse recommendation list so I'll just. stop here.

favourite food.. faves again.. hahah

a fond memory involving food.. preparing food the whole day before my birthday (maybe my seventeenth?) - sushi, spring rolls, i think I made dessert too? and then having picnic with my friends who were all in awe and praising me. I felt very appreciated and truly celebrated and it was a fun party 💖

[robynbaldurlogs]

baldur log day 3

TODAY WAS THE WORST DAY OF MY FUCKING LIFE!!!!! OHHH MY GOD. IM SO MAD. ok. im exaggerating but. ill get to that. so lets just go through the first couple things that happened. heres the squad. say hi intrepid heroes

so i talked to zevlor and agreed to find the goblin leader. on my way to the goblin camp i meet these people who talk about the absolute and call me a true soul after their brother dies lol.

then they say theyre looking for a survivor from the ship crash, i say i am one and..

they... wanna kill me...??? i really didnt want to but i was already in the fight so im like. whatever. sure man. so i cooked the shit out of them, duh. im curious about what their deal was though... also i had the option to ask if they knew about halsin the healer and i didnt ask which sucks cus i should have done that first also im... starting to catch on to what astarion is. if im assuming correctly. cus earlier he talked about how much he looooves rare ass meat thats "dripping" with blood and that was weird as a random comment but...

Ok. I Know What You Are.

anyways. then i meet this dog by his dead owner. befriend him. all good.

but then. i use speak to animals (with wyll) and talk to the dog. and wanting to help i yell at the corpse. because im like. I DUNNO MAN. maybe the dog will realize hes dead. but then HE GETS MAD AT ME AND TURN COMBAT MODE COMES ON. and i tried to go back and reload. i didnt want to but i also did not want to kill him. but the save was so far back. then i tried to run away with astarion but i guess running away works per character. so i thought oh maybe if i return the fight will be over.... and it wasnt....

i have never regretted something more. ohhhh i am going to show you so much love and compassion when i run this game a second time. this is the worst thing to happen to me. ever. fuck everything. i still love you scratch.

...anyways. got to the goblin camp. used a wisdom roll to convince the goblins we're good thanks to the brain tadpole. astarion commented on how we could convince anyone to do anything with the tadpoles and he was like mweheheeheh.

but of course i agree with shadowheart. cus shes goated. also id agree with that if it wasnt her either way. (ignore her looking like a swedish twink. i used disguise self and forgot to change her back) oh also we leveled up right before this hell yes

but ya then my friend speves reminded me to go back to that gate in the beginning of the game that was locked. so i went there and unlocked it with astarion. fucked up like twice but hey man its a dc 20 okay. im lucky i had vampirical fuck with me or ida never unlocked it

but yeah i went into the crypt, looted some stuff and killed a couple people. nothing bad happened in the first room and i did not have to reload.

embarrassing as fuck but yeah then i intimidated the guys outside to leave

and shadowheart said i was more cunning than i looked.... wow. thank u. im flattered. but yeah relatively short session i havent even found halsin or met karlach yet but hopefully i get that done next time. ive got a test tomorrow so im gonna fuck off and study hell yeah bitches

[iheartmisty]

“she has everything” is probably what people think when they look at me.

look at me. I have cute & perfect outfits. i wear short shorts and try hard, brushed hair, glasses, great manners, im kind, helpful, smart, and caring. I put others first. I’m shy. I’m quiet, but observant. i’m a deep thinker. I’m in all honors classes. I’m incredible at art. I write beautiful poetry. I’m a great singer. I play guitar and piano. some might even say im pretty. I have a roof over my head, food, and money to buy whatever I’d like.

does that diminish everything I’ve been through?

how about you see me instead. listen to my real story. when I was little, I had a friend group of five. we all loved the same music, the same colours, our parents were best friends. it was perfect. ooooh but I guess we all grew up now, cause I’m left here loving them and wanting them and they’re here giving excuses to not see me. then I moved. went to a new school, met some new people. thought everybody was my friend; and everybody loved me because I was nice to them. turns out, im just stupid and clueless and people aren’t what they seem to be. I got my heart broken, twice. and it hurt a lot more than it should’ve because they both were not very nice people. they were manipulators, and haters, and apparently bullies too. I thought I was brave for confessing. twice. after covid, none of my hundreds of friends even texted back. I guess we weren’t friends. my good friends never asked me to hang out, and were somehow always busy. I got framed, cyberbullied, harassed online, rumors spread. and this didn’t happen once, but at least like 10 times. my friends didn’t care. they just left. they left me there. they added fire to the flames. now im left with attachment issues and the fear of abandonment. [insert most preposterous thing I would never do that makes 0 sense]. then I get bullied for that? oh then I tried to ask my best friend to defend me, please, and she was like “ur making my mental health worse” “im suicidal now” and starts getting her friends to bully me more and curse at me for quote on quote, “ruining her life”. I’m sorry that I wasted my time trying to help her and her relationship. I’m sorry I spent so much time on her when she did that to me. its so unfair that she gets to be posting about it and gets people wishing her and supporting her when I never got support when I was doing the same. I was bullied more if someone ever found out. i hated myself more and more. I cut myself more and more. no one noticed. no one cared. my grades slipped.

I think that’s really funny cause first of all, she lied, second of all, I love how she gets all the support in the world for her fake story of a paper cut and I was out there bleeding to death from stab wounds that would never ever heal. but its whatever. then, another one of my best friends comes over, body shames me, calls me ugly and calls me out for every single thing and made me feel more insecure than ever, and then walks out after telling people that im the one who body shamed her. oh im oh so sorry for defending you while you were getting bullied, but this is my return gift, thank you? now I cant run away from my anxiety or anxiety attacks and I’m still alone. i wish I wasn’t. I wish someone understood. I’m really not who you think I am. my friend once told me that the way i dress would give off the impression that im a “popular girl”. that I’m materialistic. that I’m shallow, and cold-hearted. maybe thats the girl ive been trying to portray. im really not materialistic, or shallow, or cold-hearted. im the opposite. maybe ive been trying to hide away and blend in the shadows. maybe ive been trying to pretend like im a pretty girl. I havent ever told anybody that. maybe part of me wishes karma would get it over with already, because they all seem to be doing better than me. I think being a good person doesn’t have many rewards, unless you keep doing it, even through this. and I will, because thats just who I am.

now lets see more about me. things someone could maybe actually love. uhh, the way i always give others the bigger half. or the cup with more water. the way I’m always smiling or maybe my favourite songs. maybe a poem I wrote about someone I love. im my favorite quotes and the colour of my room and the movies I watch. and I found people who love me for all of the above. the first impressions. the dark parts. the beautiful ones. and I hope to never let them go. i hope to never let myself go.

[dausy]

I attempt another vlog. I really do kinda miss the days of livejournal where I could talk about daily life like a diary which is what I'm kinda using tumblr here for as well. I kinda am enjoying youtube although certainly I'll get bored of it of I guess.

I went to the gym this morning but for some reason it was exceptionally full. Usually gyms on post are busy in the wee early mornings or lunch time when soldiers have time off to do PT or lunch..but it was really full today and I don't know why so my workout was super mediocre. I had plans to go to lowes afterwards to go get grass seed but I have a job interview at 1p and I don't want to have to go off post twice. I'll just stop by lowes on the way home post interview and maybe the grocery store if theres one nearby. I'm still working on the logistics of where things are in town because I'm a cautious driver and texas roads are weird. It also doesn't help that there was a shooting at the mall 10mins away from me the other day. But I can only summon the courage to explore town like once a day. Plus I feel guilty leaving the dog at home alone all the time.

I'll also admit I havent taken her on walks much. In georgia we walked every day at certain parts of the day. Here I havent figured out that routine yet. Part of the issue is its cold (ew) and excessively windy. Theres been a few days where its been admittedly warm enough for a walk but the fences here! they're so short! everybody here has the same rock wall around their yards but they're so short. Everytime I have taken my dog for a walk I've been alarmed that other peoples dogs will jump the fence. I've had one dog do so (but it was at fault of the owner tbh) and it was a friendly dog but still. You don't want to see a dog come running at you while you're walking your dog. So I'm still trying to find the "safe" walking route. I am looking for a new day care I just haven't found the time yet but I did schedule a grooming appointment for her.

but I'll come back and talk about my interview later. I am merely looking and want to see what she offers.

[waves-mp3]

i've been thinking about the million dollar question of "would you still love me if i were a worm?" and a tiktok i saw a little bit ago that kinda explains just what that could mean, what being a worm could mean. and i realized that no. most people would not love me if i were a worm and it's kinda proven over and over again each time.

she explained being a worm as "no value". so, the question would become "would you still love me if i had no value to you?" and goes on to explain if she (i) became someone you didn't agree to be with, would you still love her? if she could no longer be a wife, a partner, couldn't offer sex, couldn't bring food to the table... would you still love a person like that? is it loving for the person or loving what they do? i think sometimes what if the worm was someone at their lowest, along the lines she was going with. unable to do much but be there, for whatever the reason may be (mental illness). and it made me realized that question has been answered so many times for me over and over again. people have said yes to the questions, but when i'm put in the position of the worm, it's a complete opposite. it's shown that no, they wouldn't still love me if i was a worm.

when i was grieving my uncle months late and deeply depressed as a result, i was harassed for being "too boring" and "too depressing" and eventually found out for so long those people were shit talking me for everything about me. they begged me to ignore it and come back, that they'd "be better" but clearly no.. no they wouldn't love me if i were a worm.

or when i cant get out of bed in the morning and struggle to do anythng, let alone answer phone calls, i get yelled at for being neglectful and unloving, when i just found everything difficult. no, i wouldnt have be loved if i were a worm.

or even when i am frantic, full of paranoia and panic to the point i take every single little thing the wrong way and cant calm down, i cant be reasoned, and i get stuck in loops because of various things going on that i dont know how to talk about, i make mistakes and hurt people. i end up neglecting so much because i'm so caught up in just the intense feelings i have that i end up loosing touch reality so badly that it worsens. even though i was really trying so hard to get better, and before this sudden snap in mental stability i was doing great. just something happened and wires crossed again and made it impossible. i was once again a worm, and though met with patience at first, it got too much and then it all ended so quickly. it always ends quickly. and i shouldnt dwell on that, i could not express anything properly and i do recognize that i couldnt control my actions to a point where even the one thing keeping me sane was slipping and i couldnt even see it. i would not be loved if i was a worm.

the fact that it's happened twice with the same outcome... even though it's said i would not be left alone or abandoned, that was not the case. i'm told i make people uncomfortable, i get removed from spaces, i get ignored. and thats my own fault, because i just prove it to them that i am just that bad for freaking out over these things

and these are only just the first few moments i can even think of. there are so many times again and again where i realize because of my mental health, i am a difficult person to be around let alone love. and i realized ive come so use to that and people ending up leaving that it hurts worse everytime until i force myself to "get over it" because if i prove im a worm anymore than they already percieve me as, i will never recover. even though i technically havent.

i once saw two cats sleeping together, one was all scrappy and the other was relatively unscathed. it was some random morning while i was getting coffee back when i lived with my parents. i still think about that day. i guess maybe the reason why they made me think about it is that even though one cat is hurt, has been through so much, and continues to live regardless of any potential suffering... the other cat still oved them and wanted to be with them. it didnt matter how damaged the cat was, they were happy just being together.

its hard dealing with mental illness, and its hard to love. its not a secret we're on the aroace spectrum, and i think its partial to all these past experiences of not loving the worm that added to this. i do love people, i do love you, i just think that my mental health makes it difficult to be loved because i get set off so easily apparanetly and i dont even know the reasons as to why, so i cant prevent them.

im not ready to accept that im unlovable because of my mental health. not when people prove thats not the case, and just maybe i was too much for the others. i do need to accept that this is just something about me that i just dont know how to change or fix yet, and havent for years and probably wont for a bit more, and i think talking about this kinda helped. maybe it did. maybe it didnt. i think i will be ok though, either way. im alone now, i was alone then. its always the same and ive made it this far, havent i?

[zaptap]

havent found as much info about eggstra work as before (and i havent tried it yet) but here's the datamined info about it

looks like if you reach 210% or 240% (the highest possible) in wave 4 (the fog wave) it spawns 2 goldies that carry 10 eggs

at 180% the goldies, in spawn order, have 5/1/5/5/10 (so you get one with 10--lower hazard levels don't get any)

at 210% and 240%: 5/1/5/5/10/10

the sequence of goldies is the same across all hazard levels (you just don't get as many at lower ones), so if you're paying attention and you know you're dealing with the one that spawned second, feel free to kill that thing wherever because it only has one egg (you can also look at the site i linked to see where it spawns, the 1-egg one is usually in the same spot in most hazard levels but in one a 5-egg one spawns there too later so be sure you've got the right one)

probably going to be critical to make sure you get both 10-egg goldies, which means you can only miss getting 2x quota once. if you miss it twice (or get below 1.5x once and 2x on the others) you still get one 10-egg goldie, which might be salvageable to some extent, but if you start wave 4 below 180% you definitely won't be setting any good records

with previous eggstra work events, the non-event waves seemed to be the most challenging, so perhaps wave 3 would be the best to just get 1.5x quota, but also glowflies tends to be kind of hard so maybe there? depends on the group a bit i guess. and maybe getting 1.5x on glowflies would make 3 easier enough to get 2x

actually i watched a bit of a stream where they were trying to stop at 35 on the glowflies wave, just below 2x--i remember there being a strategy of avoiding the highest hazard level at the end to make wave 5 easier to gather eggs on, so that's probably what they were doing, but idk the extent of the plan since i didn't see enough of the stream

my guess is the ideal would be:

wave 1: 2x (all: 21)

wave 2: 1.5x (27+, DO NOT exceed 35)

wave 3: 2x (46+, max is 57)

wave 4: 2x (58+, max is 90)

wave 5: whatever you can get i guess (31 quota, max is 87)

total: 183-290

even without fully maxing out the hazard level, that's still a wide range above the highest previous top 5% (which was 217)

though the low end of that range assumes you barely meet the quota. let's put it differently: if you want to aim for at least 220, you'd need to get 63 eggs in wave 5 (after getting max in 1, 35 in 2, and barely 2x quota in 3-4) (which means you can miss 24 of them in 5, or more if you get further over 2x in 3-4, so that's still fairly lenient i guess)

and if you barely meet 1.5x quota in wave 2, you would need 68 from wave 5

but if you get the absolute max from waves before 5 (aside from getting 35 on 2) you would only need 17, which is way under quota. like you could lose at that point and still potentially have a shot at top 5% lol

as for what you'd get if you keep up with the highest hazard level--hard to say where wave 2 would be since goldies don't spawn at a fixed rate in a rush wave (i could research the specifics but i think, like grillers, it depends on how fast you take them out), but wave 3 goes up to 66, 4 is 99, and 5 is 96. so if you barely meet 2x quota on wave 2 and get every single other egg that spawns, you're looking at 318, which can go up by whatever amount above 36 you can get in wave 2. sounds about as absurdly high as i remember hearing previous ones records being at

[dimonds456]

its disability pride month and i'm going through it. vent. check the tags on this one.

sorry there's been so many of these recently, I'm really, really trying not to be this negative, but... man.

something out there wants me dead. bad.

first it was water. then it was depression. then it was anxiety. then it was trauma. then it was graves disease. then it was trauma. then it was adhd. then it was summer in general. then it was maybe autism. then it was trauma. then it was nervous system failure. and now it's an eating disorder.

like not all of those are life-or-death (though adhd can feel like that sometimes lmao) but i've had so many fucking brushes with death that i'm not even afraid of it anymore, i'm just fucking frustrated.

i feel like Mugman from Casino Cups, honestly. "Death is so sudden, it could happen at any moment... everything could end at any moment... and I wouldn't even realize it...

[...]

"I've moved on, I'm not mourning, it's a part of life, but... the unpredictability of it... it's... it's not even SCARY, it's more INFURIATING!! One day, I'll disappear, and... never see where we'll go... never do anything I could have done! I HATE being at its mercy..."

the only difference is that he's died and come back 527 times. i will only die once and then that'll be that.

i've always had a weird fascination with death. maybe it was getting diagnosed with graves disease in middle school that started it (seriously who the FUCK picked "GRAVES" as the name for a disease, did they WANT to freak people out??), maybe it was the realization I'd have it for the rest of my life and now I would have to take pills forever, or maybe it was that first time I almost drowned in elementary school, or the other six times after that. I really don't know.

but i've made it. somehow, some way, i'm still here.

y'know, i wrote an entire ode to death and recorded audio of me reading it. i wanted to put it on youtube but i havent found time to make a video for it. maybe one day. that ode means a lot to me.

i don't know.

the only thing i know is that I want to make the best of the time i've got, which isn't a lot. i don't know how much time i have, but it's less than 20 years i can tell you that right now. if i reach my 40th birthday i will eat both of my shoes AND my hat. i don't mean that in an "i am depressed" way i mean that in a "death and i have a rehearsal at least twice a year and brother i do not know how to dance" way.

i try so, so hard not to be negative online. i really do. i don't want people to remember me as the one who only ever complained, or the one who got angry at everything, or the anxious one who never said anything original or worthwhile, or the one who only ever talked about politics. i want to be a good memory. it's the quote i live by. i want my memory to be a good one.

and i'm failing.

you, right now, reading this. i'm failing you. and i'm sorry. i just... don't know what else to do.

i've realized now that the reason i've been so bent out of shape as of late is because i will never feel safe. even if i moved to the kindest community in the world, even if all the world's political shit got fixed overnight, even if my anxiety and depression suddenly vanished... i can never feel safe because i live in this body. this long-suffering vessel that always, always has something life-threateningly wrong with it.

this eating disorder i have now is only the latest in a long line of shit. each new threat just gets more and more dire. i'm terrified to find out what the next one is. i almost wanna bet money on appendicitis or something but i also don't wanna jinx it, ha.

i'm sorry.

"Someday we will all just be a memory for some people. I just want that memory to be a good one." - Camila Cuevas (Glitchtale, 2017)

i'll keep trying. i'm going to pass with a smile on my face. that WILL be the last thing i do. i promise.

[walking-loather]

LONG ramble ahead. Feel free to skip. (Also this stuff is probably a bit too personal but i dont really care tumblr is my diary and i just have to get these thoughts out)

I had my first almost completely pain free day today and... It was fucking magical. Like, I still had pain in all of the niggling areas i always do: muscle tension, joint pain.

But my nerve pain. My nerve pain! For a good while it just wasnt there. And because the pain wasnt there, the FND couldnt kick up a fuss. I felt strong. I could stand. I wasnt hurting.

When i woke up after my surgery nearly a decade ago, i was in the worst pain of my life. I was writhing and screaming and begging to die. 10 out of 10 out of 10. And over the course of my hospital stay it diminished. Went from 10 to 9 to 8. And then 8 is where it stayed. It became my new normal.

I forced my way through the first year of recovery waiting for it to get better... But it never did.

I tried to push through and not let anything hold me back. I dont know how many times i sobbed to myself quietly about how unbearable it was. I tried to take my life twice, and the pain was a significant reason why.

Eventually i got on meds that knocked it down to a 7, and a 7 is where ive been for the last 5 years. Every day.

Eventually i just kinda resigned myself to it. I couldnt think about the future because whenever i did, all i could feel was: "every moment of the rest of my life is going to feel like this". I accepted it, and i tried to move on. I found someone that i loved enough to stick around for. Someone who made living with the pain worth it.

And now, with this new cocktail of drugs... That burning pain is gone. Or at least, its no longer an electric, burning, blistering, grinding pain. Its tempered to what feels like a candle flame. And for a few rare moments here or there it goes away.

I dont know what to do with that. All of my other pain pales in comparison. They're their own little burning pains, but it doesn't feel like it matters. i can live with them.

And im finally hopeful about my future. Because for a few minutes last week i felt nothing. Blissful nothing. I was so shocked i couldnt even believe it.

When the pain came back i didnt even care or feel cheated, because all ive wanted for so long was just a few seconds pain free, and i got it. I didnt have to be drugged out of my mind (well ... Excluding the cocktail of drugs i was on). I just was. And when it was gone i wasnt upset because i knew if it could happen once, it could happen again. and i had a reason to be excited for my future; my long term future.

Im not just sticking around for other people anymore. Im sticking around for myself too. Because i deserve another five minutes without pain.

(sidenote: do i feel insanely guilty about having a break from my pain; and that its not fair; and that other people deserve it more than me; and that i shouldnt talk about it because its just rubbing it in everyones faces; and that i must have just been exaggerating the pain; and i dont deserve to even call myself disabled anymore; and that im scum; and that i should instead continue to suffer in pain because its all i know, and i dont know how to be myself without pain because its become such an integral part of who i am; and because its who ive been for near as makes no difference a decade; and that im just waiting for the other shoe to drop and somehow prove that im a fraud; and that the pain i had was never real, nor is the pain i have that the meds havent affected; and that im lying about everything; and that I dont deserve help; and that everyone in my life who has pain and hears me talk about this hates me, resents me; and that im terrified of losing the pain because it knows me intimately, and i know it, and that this severing is making me question who i am; and that the answer im getting in my head is: no one; you are no one without this.... Yeah, maybe. Maybe i am thinking that)

[eleccy]

spoilers for my fic below!

(via @krumblepopz)

#highly recommend this fic esp if u like apollo cos he is done so much justice here i love his characterization ^_^#the kris is so excitingly despicable & slimly i love his pathetic ass#truce nick & klav r great supporting chars too [SPOILERS] they r so .... the tone of the fic is still dark but also they r so silly goofy#(in a good way)#i cant get over them having designated roles w apollo#like it was Smart and it Worked#but also. That is Clown Behaviour. they really sat around a table and went ok what if we do kris cop clay cop funny cop. and it Worked#god & the way they were all there for apollo in the second to last chapter#ue ue ue#they care him. he cares them. all of their relationships r so sweet man#i also really like how. Abrasive (?) and like. lightly asshole-y phoenix was LOL true to canon#(but also the way he clearly cared and was always out to do the right thing from the beginning ^_^ an ace attorney forreal)#ok im getting kind of embarrased at how long this is bht this is Tumblr so i will keep talking#more on the comedic tones whjen this fic wants to be funny it is FUNNY like#when apollo's thinking about klav and phoenix and he goes oh god klavier blink twice if you need help#i laughed out loud#BUT ALSO that whole convo is just.. aughhh#how sad and bittersweet huh. klapollo r so tender & good to each other the whole fic it makes me want to cry waaah#op im so sorry btw. like i know most authors like long comments but this is So long im So sorry#that being said i will Keep Going#i havent said yet how terrifying this fic can get. like those first few chapters? Holy Shit#that was horrific and terrifying and it made apollo's subsequential growth so so good. so incredibly satisfying#im so proud of him. really proud#btw honorable mention to every single scrap of phoenix & klav's relationship that i absolutely ATE UP#god re reading ch 10 oughhh... the birthday party..... im so glad apollo's got people who really truly care about him they're all so )#they're soooo#UGH its just. its just nice. it's really nice#in the end apollo justice will be OK along with the people that love him and kristoph gavin will die alone and bitter.#and thats real cool of an ending ^_^

OOOOH KEEP TALKING KEEP TALKING KEEP TALKING!! thank you so much for the kind words, omg. I appreciate you! Lordy, no need to apologize for this magnum opus!

I'm so glad you enjoyed the characterizations of everyone!!! We do have some Jokes too, maybe lightens the mood just a little bit haha :) I feel like that artificial sweetner is kinda necessary in a fic like this to take the edge off.

Apollo is going to make it :) I'm glad he found a support system that deeply cares about him. And I'm happy that that's what you got out of this :) Get dunked on Kris! :) That kind of parallels AA4 in a sense too because it's like, Apollo having only Kristoph in his life at the beginning, and then by the end of the game, he has so many friends and family around him that Kris isn't needed anymore? And Apollo just has no shame around dunking on him in 4-4, I love it. He's such a little shit.

You're like the only person who's commented on Phoenix and Klavier so far and I THANK YOU!!!! There are some crumbs here and there but nothing that's really focused on or centered on outside of Apollo POV, so I'm glad they came through as having like, an interesting dynamic. I want to know more about how Klavier came to be assigned the Misham case, because Phoenix was responsible for that entire trial in canon (maybe he asked Edgeworth to help out to make sure Klavier was assigned prosecutor to the case!) But there's definitely a sense in AA4 to me that EVERYONE else is in on some kind of a plot that Apollo's the outsider to. And I love the idea of Phoenix, Klavier and Trucy working together in the background, Phoenix never holding a grudge against Klavier but Klavier being unsure as to if he can trust him. In this AU, they're basically working together out of necessity because they both know Kristoph and they both know what will inevitably befall Apollo if they ignore the situation. But they have a weird/interesting dynamic that I'd like to explore sometime. We do have the flashback trial in AA4 which has a ton of Phoenix and Klavier interactions though so there is precedent for them to have some sort of weird little group think tank thing going on. There are so many weird little character quirks and dynamics and vibes that I wanted to explore in depth here and I feel like I took it up to eleven!

Please, more comments ANYTIME! :)

Hey, hey, hey! This here’s my murder mystery fic. It’s a deep and dark character study featuring Apollo & Kristoph. If you like that sort of thing, check it out if you would like! There will be psychology and canon-typical violence. This is a LONG multichap and will have 88.3k words in the end! I won’t keep flooding the tags every time I post a new chapter, so now’s a good time to jump in if you’re interested in that sort of thing! Thanks for your support!