#so maybe we got a handle on it before the exponentials got to us

[robustcornhusk]

day 1 of flea pill: put some cat tube on it. immediately he ate it. good boy!

day 2 of flea pill: put some cat tube on it. he licked it, knocked the pill off the goop. put some more on. he ate it. good boy!

day 3 of flea pill: put some cat tube on it. he licked it off. put more on. he licked it off. put the cat goop on the plate, put the pill on it, covered it. he licked under it. pilled him normally. i'm impressed but come on, man

[astradyke]

I loveeeed your deep dive! Why do you think we are suddenly getting all the marriage references? “I think you’re just looking for the word husband”, “my fiancé nord VPN”, dressing each other in silly wedding attire, and many more!

(opening note that everything below is truly unedited, i know i say that every time but i get very anxious about editing my thoughts so i typically do go back-- this time, i probably will later but i really don't have much time to spare right now so if this has typos that's why! i'm sorry :c hope it's understandable)

okay hi! first of all thank you so much! i'm quite proud of it :)

i'll open this by stating that i am really not the best at articulating points about Dan, Phil, and marriage; there are many impressive theories/metas out there from incredible folks in the community, which i have lovingly absorbed (feel free to promo off this post if this is you!). but i am a very indecisive person who tends to waver on my thoughts in this subject, and i've not found myself as excitable about the latest hints they've left in this video. so, hopefully it's okay if i use your ask as an excuse to kind of... sandbox around my messy thoughts in this ballpark, and hopefully give you an apt response to your question along the way!

i said before that i waver on my thoughts about Dan, Phil, and marriage, but in actuality, i do have loose thoughts which i have stuck to, which is that i think there have been several past proposals. the following theory operates off of the idea that Phil was the one to propose; i don't necessarily think he's more or less inclined towards proposals exactly, but it kind of works better for what i have envisioned possibly happening. when i discuss this i will try to stay neutral on who does what, but that's important context especially around proposal two.

i joined the phandom in the very tail-end of the pre-II era; by the time i was really immersed approximately a year or two into discovering them, they began the promotion of interactive introverts. because of this, i really have spotty knowledge of their 'prime years' around TATINOF, etc. but i think, across their travels (possibly in Japan?) and during that period of massive fame-- where they were experiencing more security financial and in their careers, as well as becoming better situated in each other's lives off camera-- the first proposal occurred. and ultimately, regardless of who proposed to who, i think this proposal was rejected. certainly, they had a better handle of their images, but this was before Dan had disclosed his mental health to the public; this was before a proper rebrand of his content, even. Phil, similarly, had several issues i can imagine he was juggling at the time, and beyond all else-- the two of them were closeted. their flat had been located, their shipping wasn't at its max exactly but the eyes on them had risen exponentially, if they got married in any kind of formal way that would be largely problematic. 2015 was not ready for Dan and Phil, the people who literally brought YouTubers to the big stage, the golden boys in this strange collab limbo, and a well known duo act-- to actually get married.

so they resolve that, because they know each other well enough to communicate about that sort of thing, and the idea gets shelved. they move into their new flat, which they have secured to be a private space. Dan has rebranded and is opening up about his mental health, Phil has done his own stylistic rebrand, and we are approaching the II era. interactive introverts is a success, the gaming channel goes on hiatus, and Dan has decided to begin working on his coming out video. this is when, in what i imagine to be a much more casual conversation, the question gets put forward: maybe, now, marriage is a safer thing.

and it is, in some ways, but there's still more to unravel here. Dan was, for the first time, out to not only the entire world but also his close family. Phil-- who i worry sometimes has his own story understated at this point-- had been out to a few people but had undeniably been nervous to come out to everybody, too. they had a lot to explore, with this newfound freedom.

commitment and change were crowning points of this era, for Dan and Phil respectively (though, obligatory note that humans are multifaceted and they share a close life together, so both of them mutually did experience both phenomena). working in reverse: Phil would begin to experience, gradually, the onset of a chronic illness. he also had this ambiguous future ahead, as he tried to adjust to the lack of Dan in his public work-- only for COVID to arrive. his anxiety problems were increasingly going from something he could willfully avoid to something he needed to address, and that is a massive adjustment on its own. there were a lot of background changes happening with Phil, even as his content appeared to be the same-- a commitment he hadn't given up.

Dan is, in a lot of ways, the opposite of this. both Dan and Phil had committed to living in their two-flat situation together, but they were planning to move in with one-another throughout 2020. this happens amidst COVID, which crushes a lot of post-coming out plans Dan had both personally and professionally. YouTube systemically destroys his creative visions through bureaucracy and arguable exploitation of his image, and when you rewatch his video explaining this, you realize that he briefly mentions the fact that the sheer financial commitment he had to his dream work prompted him to talk to Phil and describe delaying the purchase of their house. Dan's whole life has involved commitment-- being with Phil, in its own right, has been that, as well as the BBC gig, tour work, etc.-- but you can see this conflict become pivotal as so many of these commitments tie themselves to a part of his very self, and then are ripped away from him. Dan was not ready to get married.

... so, cut to now. see, everything above that i described is very lazily speculative, which i sort of hate for a meta because i feel a rush that desires total accuracy, but i simply can't track all the different moments where a marriage was plausible, all the different hints and signs. what i do think is that there was a serious marriage attempt early in their lives, and then a second casual conversation in a very not-casual situation. where does this leave us now?

Dan and Phil are in a very fresh era of their lives, distinctive from anything of the past. they are out, collaborating together, rebranding themselves gradually into something more fitting to their core artistic identities, and fostering a close community with their audience. Dan is making a severe sequence of commitments here, but these are worth the risk-- bringing back the gaming channel was conditional on the fact that Dan was making a choice he could back out of, but he chose to commit to the channel through committing to his own happiness. Phil is going through a lot of his own changes as he comes to terms with his medical state, as well as his appearance changes and the shifts in confidence it brings. Phil embraces the seismic change that is the end of the hiatus, because for the first time in a while, it's not a bittersweet change or a change laced in uncertainty-- it's a good change.

and, really, it's been fifteen years since they first met, five years since they first came out. what better time is there for something like this?

honestly, i don't know if it's happened yet. i personally don't envision Dan and Phil to approach marriages all that typically; they are chained together, as Dan put it once, in really every facet of their life already. i do believe that both of them like the concept of a wedding but also hate every mini-concept that goes into a wedding, so i really can't imagine that happening.

but i think maybe all these wedding references are emerging for a couple of reasons: namely, to prime us for the idea of them possibly being married (or to tease us for our theorizing, who knows with them), and also subconsciously to prepare themselves. because a proposal isn't just going to be a casual conversation anymore-- it might not be fancy, the way they first did their proposal, in a traditional speech & kneel format somewhere in a beautiful city. but it's not like their second one, halfway through the first okay day in a string of stressful ones, sitting in an apartment packing up their things.

maybe this is Phil bringing up marriage terms in videos, smiling when his family refers to Dan as part of the Lester family (even though really, Phil, they've been doing that for years), thinking about the aesthetics of WAD and wondering if a black-and-orange ring is a little too much. maybe this is Dan calling Phil pet names more often, daydreaming about himself in a dress but realizing he wants to see Phil in a veil more, fully accepting that he does not want to take Phil for granted after spending so long hiding his love for him and several years trapped by his fear of himself.

maybe we are hearing so many wedding references because the two of them are warming back up to the idea. or maybe they're teasing us about it because somewhere both of them already know that they could do this.

me personally, i think Phil proposes first in a ring that is very deliberately artsy and aesthetic. i think some mishap happens during it and it's kind of a disaster but Dan laughs so hard he starts crying and he says yes before Phil can say anything because he knows Phil didn't script anything, that if Dan said no Phil would get up and kiss him anyway. i think Dan follows suit later, but he's really meticulous about getting Phil something comfortable to wear that still looks nice and complements his ring. it's less of a secret, now, so he asks the Lesters and grumbles about Phil beating him to it, but his proposal goes a lot more smoothly and still takes Phil off guard, doing that small smile you see whenever he looks at Dan.

and i think Dan really wants a fancy dress i mean come on. Phil gets the veil though. or maybe they just sign the papers or procrastinate them and no wedding ever happens. honestly, maybe i'm totally off here-- maybe they're never going to get married, just buy a house several years down the line in the isle of man and never really bother with the legal stuff.

but they're not taking things for granted, anymore. not them, and not their audience. they know they can make references to marriage and we'll go batshit, but they know we don't care. they know we want them happy. and they know that no matter what they do, nurses and bartenders are still going to think Dan is Phil's son and there's a joke i really want to make here but i'm not going to right now.

... yeah. i meant to take a shower about an hour ago! i've been sitting down for a long while and don't really remember what i've said ^_^ i hope you like it though!

[theawkwardanglophile]

Chenford + Lucy asks Tim why he was with Ashley

Tim leaned against the doorway to his living room, taking in the sight of his girlfriend and his dog playing together with an unabashed grin on his face. 

While Lucy had always had a soft spot for Kojo and vice versa, their bond had grown exponentially since Tim and Lucy started dating, as she had become a relatively permanent fixture around the house. He could now truly say Kojo was just as much her dog as he was Tim’s.

And the way Lucy loved on Kojo warmed up his heart in ways he was still deciphering. They were a family, and it meant everything to him.

He moved to join them on the couch, and Lucy finally took notice that she had an audience.

“Hi, baby, when did you sneak in?” was her greeting as he leaned in to give her a kiss.

“A minute or two ago.” As he settled next to Lucy, Kojo curled up between them, eager to get extra attention from his dad as well. Tim began scratching behind Kojo’s ears.

“Why didn’t you say something?” Lucy asked.

“I like watching you two interact. You’re so good with him.”

“Well, he’s easy to love.”

A near snort escaped Tim. “Yeah, tell that to Ashley. She never got used to him.”

His eyes widened as he realized what he said. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought–”

Lucy placed a gentle hand on his arm, a habit of hers that he loved, and he relished in the calm it brought him. “Relax, Tim, it’s ok. We can talk about exes. They don’t need to be forbidden. They’re part of our history.”

“I…ok, if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure. Although….” she trailed off.

“What?”

“Can I ask you, and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. It’s just you never actually said–”

“Lucy,” he said firmly, bringing her back.

“Right. Why were you ever with Ashley? It just seemed like you two had nothing in common, like she was trying to change you into something you weren’t.”

Tim sighed. He’d asked himself that question so many times since Ashley had so abruptly ended things right after his surgery, leaving him helpless in his hospital bed feeling like the world’s biggest idiot.

“You’re right, we didn’t have much in common,” he said, shaking his head.

“So, then why–”

“I didn’t think I could ever be with you,” he blurted.

Lucy’s gasp did not go unnoticed. “Tim….”

He put his hand up. “That wasn’t the only reason of course, but with you, our timing was so complicated, and it seemed like when you pushed so hard to be my aide, you were drawing your line in the sand for good. So Ashley was interested, and on paper it seemed like a no-brainer, a nice, easygoing relationship, which is exactly what I got, and not what I needed at all. She never challenged me the way you do, and she never fully accepted everything about me.”

“And she didn’t…like…Kojo,” Lucy emphasized.

Tim chuckled. “And that. In the end, we wanted very different things, and she also couldn’t handle the risks that come with dating a cop.”

“Do not get me started on the way she broke up with you,” Lucy muttered under her breath.

“No, I’m the one that handled it all wrong,” Tim said, taking her hand in his. “I should’ve broken things off months before she did. The night you first kissed me, or the night I fake proposed, or countless other times. I knew it wasn’t meant to last, and maybe because of my feelings for you or the safety of the relationship, I kept things going too long. That’s on me.”

“It’s ok, Tim. Both of us stayed in relationships for too long, remember? And in the end, I think it was the right time for us.”

Tim lifted her hand to his lips, where he gently kissed her fingers. “It was. I may have made some mistakes regarding Ashley, but I have never once questioned whether you and I were right. Choosing to be with you has been the best decision I ever made.”

Lucy grinned, moving Kojo slightly so she could snuggle deeper into Tim. Kojo shifted and rested his head on Tim’s leg.

Tim sighed in contentment, leaning in to whisper in Lucy’s ear. “And just so you know, you’re easy to love, too.”

[horce-divorce]

I have hard boundaries for myself about how I use social media that I've followed for the last few years. Ever since I briefly left tumblr and tried twitter, I took so much psychic damage from that experience that I had to make new rules about how I use the internet. Setting app timers did nothing for me, so I compromised: im allowed to use social media daily to my heart's content (which I found isnt actually all that much)- as long as isn't the FIRST thing I open when I wake up.

For YEARS it was my habit to crack open my eyes and click into FB or Twitter or Insta before I even got out of bed. It was like this compulsive Need to Know What's Going On Out There. what did I miss while I was asleep? Never much, but always some new drama, some new political blunder, some new Person of the Day everyone was dunking on. I hated it, but I COULDN'T stop. I physically couldn't resist.

So lately I've tried to replace that habit with, just, something else. Anytime I feel the urge to click into social media, I try using another app instead. Usually it's a game (dvc has been great for me bc of the social feature, but just as often I'll open up my coloring book, wordscapes, or any other game that keeps me busy for 2 seconds and fulfills the "click button get dopamine" urge). Especially first thing in the morning. My brain needs a solid 2-3 hours of consciousness before I can handle social media.

A cool life hack I learned recently is that it's easier to get up in the morning if you do something you actually LIKE to do first thing in the day. it's done wonders for my mental health. I went from "ugh, morning again? It was literally morning yesterday," to feeling like Spongebob hopping out of bed going "IM READY!" every day. Clicking into social media was NOT something I was doing because I liked it. Gaming is something I do because I love it. I love checking on my dragons, it makes me feel HAPPY to have looked at them, i make new friends playing games bc we already have something in common (ive rarely made new friends on social media. I used to make friends ALL THE TIME playing games like neopets, roleplaying and posting on forums, and building little websites and things- ive even made a bunch of friends on tumblr. Never on FB, though). It's a world of difference getting up and checking on my animal crossing villagers, who fill me with glee and delight, vs looking at FB first thing in the morning and feeling bitter about all the people I know who aren't paying attention to me.

So anyway, this has worked SHOCKINGLY well for me? Usually just clicking another app and looking at it for a minute fulfills the urge to have clicked the FB button, or whatever, which then goes away- and I have sated my craving without pissing myself off, and without creating additional urges by going on social media. I have been using social media SO MUCH LESS since I started doing this and I've been feeling amazing for it. And it's not always games. I also use more practical apps like Bearable and Habitica. Sometimes I'll even click thru my photos or notes instead of clicking the social app.

This morning, I broke my habit. For the first time in weeks or maybe even months, I woke up and clicked FB and Insta first thing. I shared a post or two lately and I was hoping my friends had seen it, but I knew they hadn't even before I looked. 2 likes, no comments. I clicked into Instagram and saw a Reel from Kevin James Thornton, a comedian and whole media personality who has over 600k follows on Instagram alone, pleading with his existing fans to choose to check up on him and to sign up for his email list instead, because the algorithm only wants to hook new followers. The 600k existing ones aren't good enough. Gotta have that exponential growth or else our shareholders will be very cross with us!

I realized this morning what it is about FB that makes me so irate, the thing that creates additional urges to post my whole ass and pick fights and be as annoying as possible: because I hate feeling like I'm being ignored. And this is a feeling social media manufactures for you CONSTANTLY. You log on and ONLY see posts that are already popular, posts that are already "getting engagement." Everyone else is clearly online commenting and interacting with all this other stuff except for yours. Why aren't you good enough? Don't they like YOUR posts? Why are they ignoring you? What did you do wrong?

You can KNOW wholeheartedly that Facebook gives incentives to certain posts/posters and that it does the opposite with certain topics, especially socio-political ones. You can know that it's the algorithm refusing to show your posts, and not your friends ignoring you. But still, you have a page, people know how to find you- can't they come to your page to check? Did they forget you exist? Do they just not care? You can SEE they're online, and they can see YOU'RE online, so what's not clicking???

In me, at least, this WILDLY increases the urge to post something dramatic, incendiary, or outrageous just to get a response. OH, you guys don't like me when im being polite and quiet? You'll really hate me when I decide to be annoying on purpose!

Which then increases engagement, providing you with positive reinforcement for posting "controvertial" things, starting fights, posts that provoke people into responding... If you wont choose to interact with my posts? Fine. I'll make the urge fucking irresistible. A positive reinforcement for fighting and doing other unpleasant things we don't like, and supposedly don't want to use social media for, and yet.

It's not merely that posting misinformation and getting in fights is profitable to these platforms. Why is it profitable? Because the more you engage with (read: fight) random strangers, the more other, new people are also exposed to your inflammatory conversations, which in turn sparks a response in them, and so and so forth.

If we all just gained 600k followers and then stopped, and we all saw every update they made, and we all just hung out in our own corners and minded our own business? Sure, that would be lucrative for the creators with all those followers, but Instagram wouldn't be experiencing exponential growth- they need MORE new users, MORE old users spending MORE time on the app, following MORE people, leaving MORE comments, SEEING MORE ADS, because they need more and more and more for their shareholders. Influences are the product just as much as regular users.

I'm thinking about that post that talks about how, as income inequality gets worse and the middle class shrinks, advertising gets more and more aggressive, despite people's ability to spend shrinking with each new day. This feels similar somehow? Like, people are starting to get wise to the fact that social media makes us feel like crap, and that the excuse of "I have to use it to stay connected to everyone else" falls flat when you're not actually connecting with those people. Even as the internet continues to shrink, more and more people are getting fed up with social media and using it less, or leaving outright, because it's becoming less and less usable, more ad-ridden than ever. And yet it reinforces the need for those platforms to get more aggressive, to bring in more users to replace the ones they're losing. It's a never ending cycle of "we have to cause you psychic damage! in the interest of roping in more people to damage psychically :)" and we all know we're doing it, and we all hate them for it, and yet we can't stop.

Once again I have to mention that absolutely fucking BIZARRE interaction my bf had the other day. Someone he knew "liked" a comment that was spreading misinformation and a very anti-treatment sentiment about DBT. He messaged this friend privately to ask if they really thought that. They told him, "I dont know what DBT is. I just click 'like' on any comment someone I think is cool makes." When my bf pressed them further, along the lines of, "why would you do that?" They said "for engagement." This was not an influencer, this is not a brand or a page or a business account they were using. It was a personal account w a few hundred friends. I just CANNOT get over this. Clicking buttons just because they're there, "for engagement" lmao. Engagement for whom, my good bitch? They might be interacting with your posts, but this is not "your" platform. The engagement isn't for you, sweaty. But ok.

I dont have a conclusion or any suggestions here. Just an observation. What a fucking mess. Social media demanded that we all make ourselves available 24/7, trained us to React instead of to care, convinced us all that we are each some kind of personal brand that requires social marketing to maintain, got us to pick fights with each other constantly as a result, made the internet a miserable place to be, and we have thanked them for the privilege.

Anyway. No more letting the algorithm tell you what to care about today. Contact me thru a series of intricate rituals or not at all. If it's really that important you can send me a Neomail 👍

[joelwindows7]

Yes, I am way to old and reaches retirement age, already, which is

Above 20s nah wait that not true, it's age_of_demise_passionjob.

Hear me out.

I have been having mental challenges in my life as days goes. These people have been successful, at the age of the earliest as possible. Never been marketed those who success as late near retirement nor even natural demise.

Every time I see them, my envy grows and my feel as an utter failure exponentially gets stronger. 2023, wow, 24? Did not made over at least a billion USD?? I am a trash!

But owiebrainhurts made us feel better. She gave us snippet of an article, that in average the circumstance of success would be around 50s, like examples of people shown in video. Damn it where sauce..

Wait. I still have.... 30 years around!..... hold on. Steve Balmer in his 50s would then only got around 10 years that time, I think. I'd only feel income and joy for 10 years only!! No... that's dark. We live very short today, I tell you!

I still pray though.

The house? No, I don't care the house. I don't play Yay I bought my own house!!!, no no no. Not interested. Just have this house, If move, family includes. No separation allowed, ... personally. Together. Small together, big together. I have other interest.

Look. My interest is not to get money. I want money, so I can enjoy little machines, and do my duty. All MIDIs, 3D models, games, every files to be. Build something out of these, that all gamers can enjoy without barriers. And this.. I lacked the resource needed to ahold these before they gone. I will get them, as much as I can, but limited in my situation of my time.

Maybe I should offer you a service. But it's different. It is that, ... you only pay, to unprocrastinate it.

What is it? .... Render... too heavy, not complete yet. MIDI... whoah, that's big. Wait. I remember. I had ever twice, to edit a MIDI. Make them plays best in any synth I could have. Oh.. and 1 I make.

Huh..

You got a MIDI full band music here? You know.. one that you open sounds like a trash can? .. yeah? That.

Okay, send me one. I'll handle this. Despite that... I can only do this for S-YXG2006LE, and this... ARGH F8888 HELL IT'S DEDD, uh it's this waveform MIDI thing.. can read SoundCanvas..

DM Prefix: PLS_UNTRASH_MIDI

Sorry, Genos expensive. Can't lie and shall not, that, I envy people off island lives in even smaller house, got it. Must be the Dangdut hireables people. Help me out. Pls.

Got business. I got.. something else to attend. Full rules to be made.

Damn.

I don't get monetized. I lost all of them, or say that.. it's never been.

I'm lazy. Wake me up with cash, or no need if I think that's too important to ignore. I want to play games. If you just... really want me to do it da right now,... go ahead, insist me, how much ever you want, send the MIDI download link in the donation note. Must be as official as possible, or if you don't know, whatever just send it.

No refund. I tried my best. I only have outdated instruments here, nor I got any idea how to perfect it. Which is why I send you back untrashed, not yet done, never will. May make improvements If in time to retalk this again.

No exclusive privately. All gamer had to have it. I hate no download link. So pls avoid paywalled or uhh private files, coz uhh can't afford to be caught by my own government. If that's yours, okay. Not?, file has to be... public, and $0.

Ah pusing

By JOELwindows7

Perkedel Technologies

CC4.0-BY-SA

What else?

Said wrong, sorry, I got lots of things to do.

[freedomfireflies]

halsjwkoahejwk i need more mr & mrs hey soul sister!!! maybe some smut?? 😏😏

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

You do your best to ignore the aggravating British man storming after you as you slip your earring into your ear. “I already told you.”

He barrels through the doorway nonetheless, arms crossing as his irritated stare finds your profile. “Did you forget the fact that we’re married?”

“Did you forget the fact that I don’t care?” You turn now, mimicking his stance as you nod your chin at him. “I don’t see why it matters—”

“It matters because if somebody sees you on a fucking date with a man who isn’t your husband, then people are gonna talk,” he retorts, volume rising exponentially as your eyebrow quirks up. “Which is the whole reason we made this fucking arrangement in the first place.”

“Nobody is gonna see us,” you remind him. “I’m going to his apartment and we’re watching a movie, so if you’d please just relax.”

“No.” His head shakes as he straightens up, shoulders squaring as he lowers his eyes at you. “No, I forbid you to go.”

To this, your jaw drops, eyes widening as you lean back. “I’m sorry…what?”

“I forbid you to go. We don’t need to give people more reasons to doubt the marriage and honestly? You’re being reckless.”

“I’m being reckless? I wasn’t the one at The Box all fucking night,” you huff, mirroring his glare. “Doesn’t really say devoted and true, now does it?”

“I was there for a business meeting,” he argues, teeth beginning to grit as you scoff.

“Right.” You turn back to the mirror. “Business. Yeah, okay.”

He takes a step, muscles in his jaw constricting as he eyes your outfit. “The fuck are you wearing?”

“A dress, Sherlock.”

“Why? You’re watching a movie.”

“Yeah, and I wanna look nice.”

“Ew. Seriously?”

Your eyes roll as you lean closer to your reflection and swipe your pinky across your lips to perfect the makeup. “Gee, you always know just what to say.”

“You look like a whore,” he tells you plainly, and you’d be offended if you didn’t kind of agree. “And my wife should only be a whore for me.”

“Yeah, well. Things change.” You turn now, smirking to yourself when you notice the scowl on his face. “Besides, I’ve got a deal to win.”

This time, it’s his turn to roll his eyes and you can’t help but be a bit proud.

He’s right, after all. There’s a particular reason you wore this dress and it’s not for your date.

You’d been doing so well at avoiding the lingering glances at the dinner table. Resisting the temptation as he’d stroll about the house, fresh out of the shower, clad in only a towel as he dripped his way from room to room. Holding your composure even when he’d fuck his fist in the room next to you, groaning just loud enough for you to hear.

But, so far, neither of you have broken any rules. No moves have been made. No touches have been exchanged. No caving has been committed. 

And you have to win.

Mostly because you want, more than anything, to get out of all those events and appearances.

But also because…maybe you wanna reminisce that night.

At least one more time.

Which is why this friendly movie night with your old friend Lucas is the perfect opportunity for you to test his limits.

And maybe it’s wrong…

But maybe you don’t care.

You brush past him now, heading for the front door as you glance around for your purse.

You wait until he’s striding after you to bend over and pick up the bag, slowly and purposefully as you physically hear his breath hitch in his throat.

You don’t have to see his face to know he’s flushed as he stares openly at your ass, and you do your best not to chuckle as you straighten back up.

“Don’t wait up, okay?” you call sweetly, offering a small wave of your fingers in greeting as you reach for the handle.

The door swings open about halfway before a large palm finds the wood and slams it shut just before you can slip through. 

Startled (but secretly pleased), you turn, noticing the rage sitting comfortably behind his eyes.

Your hands find your hips. “The hell are you doi—”

He takes a step forward, forcing your back against the door as your question dies in your throat. You feel breathless, staring up at him expectantly as you feel the turn of the tide approaching. 

For a moment, all he does is look at you. Familiar, hauntingly green eyes flicking across your face before falling to your lips. 

He takes another step. Until his chest can just barely brush your own. Until you feel the way your stomach drops. The way you steel yourself for his touch. The way you realize how pathetically desperate you are.

But still, he makes no move to relieve you of your sinful desires. Perhaps he’s waiting for you to cave first, but your determination is much stronger than he gives you credit for. 

If he wants it…he’ll have to take it.

“What are you doing to me,” he murmurs, tone soft but intentional.

You attempt to appear relaxed, one shoulder bobbing up in response. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“What are you doing?” he whispers, almost pained, and your lips part. “Wearing this…just to hurt me. Walking around my house like you don’t think I’ll ruin you.”  

You exhale a shaky breath, lashes fluttering shut the closer he brings himself. Until all you know is him. His touch, his scent—you’ve never wanted anything more.

His hand finds the door, palm resting beside your head as he leans down, nose grazing yours as he hesitates. “Tell me you want me.”

“No.”

You won’t succumb to the desire. Won’t lose this game when you’re so close. Not when this was all his idea. Not when he’s…when you’re…

He gets closer, hips taut to yours as he practically begs you with his body language alone to give him what he wants. What you both want.

“Tell me,” he repeats as you pull your bottom lip between your teeth. “Tell me you want me to fuck you against this door. Tell me you want me to drag you down to the floor until you’re fucking screaming. Have you…on every fucking surface in this house…until you remember who I am.”

“Yeah? And who are you?”

A moment of silence. Labored breathing and tension thick enough to cut. 

“I’m the only one you fucking come for.”

And maybe you’d have a snippy retort if he wasn’t grabbing your hips and turning you around, pressing you tight to the door as he reaches for the hem of your dress.

And maybe that’s just fine with you.

His nimble fingers find the lacy fabric that you wore just for him in hopes that you’d find yourselves here and rips it down your shaking legs.

You hear the sound of his knees hitting the floor before you even realize what’s happening and next thing you do know is the feel of his nose brushing your inner thigh as he licks his way up your cunt.

You gasp—loudly—palms finding the door as you brace yourself. Your legs are forced apart to make room for the egregious man tugging you onto his face as you’re left to wonder why you kept yourself from him in the first place.

“Har—” Your voice is timid. Quiet. Too overcome with the pleasure of his tongue feeling you out. “What…what are you—”

“What’s it fucking look like, darling?” he sneers from below, grip tightening in remonstration. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”

It is. It is, but you can’t let him know. “Wanted…to go on my date—”

“Bullshit.” A bitter laugh. “Think I know my darling wife better than that, hm?”

Your head shakes in disapproval. “You don’t know anything except your own desperation.”

“No?” He pulls back and you almost regret your response until you feel the rough pad of his finger circling inside before curling and forcing your knees to nearly give. “Funny. Cause the way you’re dripping down my knuckles right now suggests otherwise.”

You choke on a whine, forehead finding the door as you take a deep breath. 

“Face it, sweetheart,” he leers now, lips brushing your skin whenever he speaks, only adding to the sensation. “If you’re getting yourself wet for me, you’ve already lost.”

“Who…who said this was for you?” Your determination to resist proves strong as you manage to just hiss the response. “Maybe I’m excited about Lucas.”

“Lucas.” Another bitter hiss as he merely laughs at the name. “S’that his name? That’s who you’re using to try and hurt me? Oh, sweet girl. It’d almost be flattering if it weren’t so fucking pathetic.”

He groans now following the taste of you down his throat before he finds your hips once more and turns you back around.

Your head drops until your eyes find his, your heart racing as you notice the flush in his cheeks. The drip down his chin, glistening under the soft moonlight streaming through the window. The determined expression on his face.

“Don’t have to do that, you know,” he mumbles, dipping his head down to graze his lips over your hip, but keeping his stare on yours the entire time. “Don’t have to play with me like that.”

You can say nothing, so entranced with the beautiful man before you.

“Just say the word,” he whispers, fingers digging deep into your skin as he pulls you closer to his mouth. “Say the word and I’m yours.”

And maybe you know better. Maybe you know that this arrangement should stay what it started as. Purely business. An agreement meant to be taken seriously until it came to its inevitable end.

But maybe you don’t want it to.

“Please.” It comes out before you can stop it, your thighs squirming under his touch as you pant frantically. “Please, Harry.”

“Please what?”

Your nails scratch down the wall as you attempt to resist the urge to run them down his scalp, your eyes softening as you plead, “Please touch me.”

“I am touching you,” he says calmly, and you swallow a whine.

“Fuck me,” you correct, head rolling back against the door. “Please, Har. Fuck me. Ruin me. Make me yours. I just…I need—”

And that’s all he wants to hear, standing to his feet as he presses his lips to yours in a rushed and messy kiss, tongue in your mouth before you quite realize what just happened.

Because if there’s one thing you know about Harry…

He always makes good on his word.

Next Part:

~ Mr. & Mrs. Hey Soul Sister pt. 6*

Previous Part:

~ Mr. & Mrs. Hey Soul Sister pt. 4

~ Other Harry Blurbs

~ Full Masterlist

[thedrarrylibrarian]

HELLO!

Sorry to bother you guys, but I was wondering if there are some fics where Harry and Draco are both professors, but they are dating

Bônus points if some students don't know

My patrons are never a bother! So glad you've come to visit the library, and just in time! Your holds have arrived!

Professors List 2

Drarry by @drarrily-we-row-along (1,138 words, rated T)

Harry closed the door and looked around the hallway. “They’re shipping us!” he hissed.

“Pardon?”

“The kids!” he exclaimed. “I overheard them. They’re smashing our names together!”

Is it true what the rumors say, Professor? by @drarrily-we-row-along (1,876 words, rated T)

Draco knows without a shadow of a doubt that hiring Harry Potter to be the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor midway through the school year is going to be an unmitigated disaster.

Still, when he sees the other man struggling with being a first-year teacher, he can't help but take pity on him and see how he can help.

Unspoken Affection by @janieohio (2,616 words, rated M)

Harry finds a stack of post-its, and what starts as simply leaving Draco a reminder with a bit of romance turns into a lifetime of memories.

The Decoy Date by @gallifrey1sburning (3,750 words, rated T)

Harry wants Draco to come with him to an upcoming charity gala. Draco can't figure out why Harry would want him, of all people, to be his fake date for the evening. Surely there must be better options?

Bubbles, Baths, and Bad Luck by @manixzen (5,004 words, rated E)

A poisonous potion covering Professor Potter nearly head-to-toe would normally be a pretty big deal. It should be as bad as his day gets. But that’s before he’s informed that the cure involves a steamy, hot bath with an unrequited crush.

The Ghosts of Hogwarts Past by @writcraft (30,071 words, rated E)

Draco has hardly had time to bask in his promotion to Head of Slytherin House when he gets news of Harry Potter’s return to Hogwarts. With his increased workload, the reappearance of the ex he never got over, the ghost that won’t let him sleep, and some curious coded diaries, it’s shaping up to be a hell of a year.

Water, Shadow, and Stone by Omi_ohmy (53,206 words, rated E)

Potions professor Draco notices DADA professor Potter’s increasing absences. He hates himself for caring, but where is he going? What is he doing?

Can't Afford to Fall by @p1013 (100,543 words, rated E)

Looking at Harry Potter, the Savior of the Wizarding World, curled in on himself on a classroom floor, Draco can't help but think of that scared sixteen-year-old version of himself. All he wanted was for someone to help, to save him from his own choices. And here he is, with Harry Potter pooled before him like blood on tile, needing the same.

Draco takes a hesitant step forward. He's on the edge of something, though he doesn't know what it is yet. But there's a choice before him, one he almost doesn't want to make.

Bolts by @lqtraintracks (114,500 words, rated E)

Harry joins the Hogwarts staff as the new History of Magic Professor, while Draco has already been teaching Defence Against the Dark Arts for the past year. When Samantha, a first year, is being bullied one day and throws a made-up Truth curse at her harasser, only to accidentally hit Harry instead, Harry becomes cursed to tell the truth, and not only that, he has to regularly tell it to Draco Malfoy. Samantha is clearly gifted, maybe the most powerful witch or wizard to ever come through Hogwarts, and yet she has no idea how to take the curse off. As they work to remove it—and also teach Samantha how to control a power that's becoming more dangerous by the day—will Harry's truths become too much to handle? And will whatever’s going on with Draco just make everything exponentially worse?

All Life is Yours to Miss by Saras_Girl (114,741 words, rated M)

Professor Malfoy's world is contained, controlled, and as solitary as he can make it, but when an act of petty revenge goes horribly awry, he and his trusty six-legged friend are thrown into Hogwarts life at the deep end and must learn to live, love and let go.

For those going back to school soon, I'm sending you support! I know many teachers have been working to get their classrooms set up for weeks. I know students have been buying supplies and textbooks and beginning to feel nervous. I wish everyone luck for the new school year!

❤️ As always, if you find a fic you enjoy, please remember to leave the author a kudos or a comment! ❤️

Lots of Love and Happy Reading!

[gyeomsweetgyeom]

you suck at crushes

College!Yangyang x College!Reader x College!Renjun 

summary: Renjun wants to help you get with Yangyang who wants to help you couple up with Renjun but they’re both annoying, maybe one less than the other

word count: 4.2k

(warnings: swearing, mentions of food) ((lmk if I missed anything))

Taglist! @lanadreamie

A/N: I hope you guys enjoy!! I swear reader ends up with only one guy I just don’t want to give away the ending and I know the summary is ass

-

God it was like the beams of sunshine just followed him around. Providing him with a natural spotlight that only worked to draw your attention to him even more than usual. The voices around you faded into background noise, and everything else besides him became so fuzzy you could only focus on the one and only- Liu Yangyang.

“Hello?” “Y/N!” “Are you listening to us?” Someone gripped your shoulder and shook you until you were out of your Yangyang-induced-haze. “Huh? Oh yeah… totally.” You answered with absolutely no idea about the conversation happening at the very table you sat at. 

Your friends snorted, teasing and making fun of you. A kissing noise, a high pitched teasing exclamation of the man of the hour’s name, and some playful elbows being jabbed into your side. When they finally stopped with the teasing and they actually filled you in you were able to answer some questions about the times at the library. 

You slipped into your seat in your geology class, a poor choice on your behalf and quite frankly the school for describing it as something that would be ‘fun and exciting.’ What a total load of BS that was. The professor was an old man that went on and on about his days in the field 40 years ago and rambled on and on about subjects that were 70% of the time not on the tests. However, the one and only bright side was that you had your favorite distraction in this class, Yangyang.

How could one person asking a question about the tectonic plates or the striations on a stupid rock be so attractive? He made it possible. 

“Staring yet again?” An annoying voice asked quietly, just inches from your ear.

“Who are you?” You asked annoyed.

“Y/N, that isn’t funny anymore. Not the first time you did it and not the hundreds of times after that. We lived on the same street for years before you decided to follow me here.” He answered with a huff. 

“Renjun, will you just go away? You know I’m no good at this so go bother someone else.” You replied. You took your eyes off Yangyang, gave Renjun a quick glare, and focused back on the lab work in front of you. Something stupid about hills or some moutain. Wasn’t this class supposed to be about rocks? 

“I don’t need help, I came to help you. We’re friends- shhhh.” Renjun started, quickly shutting you up before you could interrupt. “I can help you with this lab and help you win over your beloved Yangyang.”

You sent him a quizzical look. In all the years you had known Renjun he had never been this... generous- always wanting something in return. “He and I are friends, he’s been super annoying lately and complaining about some final project we decided to do together, but we have months to do it. If I help you guys get together in order to distract him, then he can stop bothering me about that final project. It’s a win-win-win situation.” He explained.

Well, that made a lot of sense. “What do you even have in mind? Yangyang and I don’t talk like we used to, how could we go from strangers to dating in just a couple months.”

“Don’t underestimate yourself. You were the person to show him around school when he was the new kid all those years ago when we were kids, you’re in better standing than you think. We all went to the same school, we already know each other, we all have this class, and I’m not going to let this fail because I do not fail. If I have to hear about the final project one more time I will rip all the hair off his head, three strands at a time.” Renjun pouted. 

“You sound completely crazy-”

“If you two need some help all you have to do is ask, I don’t need you two to argue and disrupt the class. Mr. Liu, since you seem to have a good understanding of the assignment, would you mind helping them out?” The professor called out. 

You and Renjun sent each other incredulous looks, were you really talking that loudly? “It’s earlier than expected, but don’t worry I got this,” Renjun whispered.

“You know if you guys had just spoken quietly, I could have left early but here I am. You can’t do anything without me can you?” Yangyang teased Renjun. 

“Oh, it wasn’t me. Y/N here is just so stupid, I was trying to explain the lab and it’s like all my words go in one ear and out the other. Maybe you can explain better than I can.” Renjun gestured toward you wildly. 

You immediately went to defend yourself but stopped when instead, Yangyang came to your defense. “Y/N isn’t stupid like you Injun, if you wanted some attention you didn’t have to bother someone innocent.”

Your face felt so hot, god this attention was too much to handle so suddenly. It was as if Renjun had thrown you into the deep end of a pool when you had just learned about the entire concept of swimming itself. If this was his attempt at getting you and Yangyang together you were now questioning the entire idea. It was just too much to handle so suddenly.

Yangyang quickly went on to explain the idea of the lab, giving you some tips to make the work easier and how it connected to past lessons. “Do you understand it a little more now?” He asked you.

You hissed when someone stomped on your foot beneath the table. Your eyes met Renjun’s while he discreetly shook his head, seemingly trying to send you some kind of message. But it seemed whatever he was sending was received because you quickly caught on, answering, “Oh uh, this whole class has actually been a bit more difficult than I anticipated, and you seem to have a way better understanding than I do. Would you be willing to maybe meet up sometime and just help a little more?”

“I’m free on Wednesday afternoons, let’s exchange numbers so maybe we can find out what you struggle the most with and what time works for you. Renjun are you coming too, you seemed to get the lab when I explained it,” Yangyang replied.

Renjun answered with a simple nod, sending Yangyang on his way for the remainder of the class. He was quiet the rest of the time, still sitting beside you. When the class was over he looked over at you, “This is going to be so much easier than I thought.”

-

Some point in the week after class you had all decided on the meeting place and time. Some little cafe just off campus after Yangyang was done with his last class of the day. He said the coffee was good and it wasn’t even expensive, to which Renjun was quick to add that they had friends working there so they got discounts. 

Renjun insisted on meeting you a little earlier to go over the details of the plan he had finally come up with. The plan mainly consisted of you just catching up with Yangyang, which would then progress to just the two of you hanging out, then bam! Dating! Much easier said than done you were quick to point out. His plan was just an idea with no details. Like what do you talk about? How do you make him like you? What kinds of things does he like? Could he even like you romantically?

“He actually mentioned to me that he was happy to talk to you again, so I have very high hopes. That was one conversation with him that was not about the final. Just have some hope.” Renjun shrugged. 

“You make this sound so simple, but you are not the one risking being embarrassed by telling the guy you’ve had a crush on since you were 10 about your feelings and having even less of a relationship than you’ve had for the past like 6 years.” You huffed.

“Since you were 10? That’s a little embarrassing.” Renjun let out.

Ever since you were kids it was like Renjun knew the exact words and actions to push your every button. Always getting on your nerves and getting under your skin. It was foolish of you to believe that he had matured enough to not tease you, even in your 20s and even in college. Huang Renjun sucked.

You brought your hands up to his neck, fully ready to wrap your hands around his neck and just squeeze- just enough pressure for him to get the idea to just shut up. But of course, that would be unacceptable in public and even less appropriate seeing as Yangyang had come right up to the table before you could do so. You improvised, changing your intended action of a throat squeeze to a nice hug, arms wrapped tightly around Renjun’s shoulders. You smiled brightly, tilting your head away from Yangyang so your lips were right beside Renjun’s ear, “I can go another 10 years buddy, learn to shut your damn mouth. I for one know how to follow through with my threats and will actually pull your hairs from your head- Yangyang, so good to see you!”

Yangyang looked between the both of you curiously, side by side, one with a bright, beaming smile and the other flushed, scared look on their face. He shook it off and pulled out his study materials while making small talk. 

By the end of the study session you felt more confident in your geology skills and your chances with Yangyang. He had gotten exponentially cooler as he got older than the kid you met all those years ago. Sure, he was still chaotic and sarcastic, even still a little dramatic, but it nonetheless made your heart skip a beat, just like the first time you laid eyes on him. 

-

Over the next few weeks Renjun slowly stopped coming to the study sessions. He always had some excuse or another, that neither you or Yangyang ever really questioned. In those few weeks you and Yangyang had grown closer as friends, texting each other about more than just class, checking in on each other, sending stupid memes and tiktoks, even a few inside jokes.

But of course, Renjun had to have his time too. Instead of just texting you, he would make conversation anytime he saw you on campus, even going as far as asking you to hang out when he wanted to know what was going on. Every night without fail, he would FaceTime you for at least an hour and a half to ask for very detailed updates which at some point became you two just talking about your days in general. He liked to judge your every decision, giving his own input on even minor things like the seat you sat in for a class he didn’t even have. He said his life lacked drama so he needed to live vicariously through his friends.

“I know we usually meet at the cafe, but even with that discount I really shouldn’t be spending all that money there every week. Do you mind if we meet at mine this week? I promise my roommate buys enough snacks to feed the whole complex and he makes me clean the place every week.” Yangyang suggested about a month and a half into your studying arrangement. 

You of course agreed, you’d be crazy to not want to go to your crush’s home, just the two of you- alone, and talking about… rocks. 

So when the next week came and Wednesday afternoon rolled around, you found yourself standing right outside your crush’s door, fist raised to knock. You were so nervous, just being alone with him in his home! This wasn’t the cafe where you had other people around, where you knew where things were, close to your home. No, this was his house, and that made you beyond nervous. 

He pulled the door open, a wide smile on his face as he welcomed you in. He set your things at his kitchen table and gave you a short tour of the home. “My roommate will be back later tonight, but he made us some food if we get hungry later,” He told you while he brought out his own supplies, once again ready to conquer your weekly study session.

And even though you did at one point struggle very much with the subject, this particular topic seemed easier to understand. So after even correcting Yangyang a few times, the study session became more of a hang out session. So casual that you even answered Renjun’s texts, chuckling at him freaking out in all caps because you were in Yangyang’s home.

“No, but Renjun did that last time we hung out too! We were in public, like full on glass of water spilled across the table and he got so red,” you laughed recalling the memory from just a few weeks ago after watching Yangyang do the same.

Then just a few minutes later when you were both watching TV you mumbled, “I think Renjun would like this show. This is on Netflix right?”

Yangyang being the smart kid that he is, had pieces coming together in his mind, ideas that he wasn’t even sure if you knew yet. He was going to make this happen.

-

Renjun sat in front of Yangyang, a month before the end of the semester, finally working on the final project. Which, thanks to you, had not been mentioned even once since you and Yangyang started hanging out until a week ago.

After finishing his part for the day Yangyang leaned back in his chair, sighed and smiled. “I think I’m going to ask Sua from our history class out.”

Renjun choked on his drink, did Yangyang really have to pick the exact moment he took a sip of his drink to tell him this? He cleared his throat, “Since when do you like her?”

Yangyang shrugged nonchalantly, explaining that Sua worked at the cafe he was always at and at some point they just kind of hit it off.

Renjun nodded, a little excessively. In his head he was trying to figure out what the hell to do. He knew you liked Yangyang and how hurt you would be if Yangyang suddenly had a girlfriend. At this moment, you were the only thing on Renjun’s mind. “Really? I actually thought you and Y/N might be a really good match, and you guys obviously get along well.” He replied.

Yangyang hid his smirk by taking a sip of his drink, “I don’t know, Y/N is really just much more of a friend than anything. Like don’t get me wrong Y/N is cool, but I see Sua more romantically.”

Before Renjun even had time to process his words and think of the consequences, he suddenly blurted out, “Well, Y/N likes you- and has liked you since we were kids. You have to think about more feelings than just your own Yangyang. Think of Y/N.”

“Like you think about Y/N?” Yangyang replied. Renjun tilted his head in confusion, trying to understand what Yangyang was talking about. 

“I know you never grew out of that crush you had in middle school- it’s that cute childhood neighbors to lovers thing. I know that whole plan you made so I could finally pay attention to Y/N, and while I admit it worked, because Y/N is a cool friend, this plan didn’t work the way you wanted it to. I see the way you look at Y/N and every time we hang out that’s all you can talk about. I’m smarter than you Injun, I know.” 

Renjun flushed, these were emotions that he had buried deep down years ago. In just two months Yangyang had uncovered and brought his emotions to light. Emotions that had at one point been disguised as that annoying 13 year old kid that would bother you to your wit’s end and now evolved to Renjun putting your emotions before his own. Days that were once filled with him tugging on your hair or tapping on your shoulder and looking away as if it weren’t him, had now become days of texting or facetiming you regularly just to catch up like he had wanted. 

“I think you should tell Y/N how you feel, don’t underestimate your chances.” Yangyang told Renjun as they made their way out of the cafe. 

-

When Yangyang told you that he knew you liked him, that he wasn’t interested, that he was actually going to date Sua from his history class, you thought you would be more upset. Embarrassed that he knew you liked him all this time, angry that he didn’t tell you earlier, or heartbroken that your crush of almost 10 years didn’t like you like you liked him. But you weren’t. You weren’t embarrassed, or angry, or heartbroken. You felt fine, it felt like he was just telling you what he ate for lunch. “Okay, so how do you tell the difference between these crystals again?” You replied with a nod. 

“And I know you like Renjun.” He added quietly. 

You looked up suddenly, eyes wide with shock, “What?”

“Come on Y/N, I think this whole ‘Renjun annoys me to no end’ is just a ploy. Whenever we hang out he’s all you talk about, you guys FaceTime like every night, right? You smile every time he texts you, and even though you play it off as ironic shit-posting- those stories you always post with all the hearts and cheesy ass captions stopped being a joke at some point. You may not have realized it but even with Renjun as just a friend to you now, he means more to you than I do.” 

You huffed, crossing your arms across your chest, “You know you’re smarter than you look, but I really don’t like you psychoanalyzing me.” 

He laughed loudly, “So what are you going to do about it?”

“I don’t exactly have a good record with crushes, obviously. I don’t know what to do now,” you quietly answered, “Anyway this seems like a good ending point, we’ll meet one more time before the final right? Just text me if you need anything alright?” 

Before Yangyang could even stop you or try to reassure you, you were hastily packing up your things and out the door. How was he going to get the two of you together now?

-

It seemed that mother nature seemed to understand the tornado of emotions that were happening for you and Renjun, though you both had no idea about one another, what had started off as a gorgeous spring day had become a dark and rainy spring night. Even Yangyang laid in his bed, unable to sleep as he remembered that he had failed to mention or even plan out- that neither of you knew you liked each other. That would have been nice to know, but it was a little too late for that now seeing as it was like two in the morning. 

If you liked Renjun, which it sounded like you did, according to Yangyang and the more you thought about it, it really felt like you did. Not some surface level ‘I like to admire you from afar for 10 years’ crush but rather a ‘I like you and want to spend time with you and I’d hate to see you smile at anyone else like you smile at me and possibly fall in love.’ You sat straight up in bed, flashes of the lightning outside lit your room up, did you just think about falling in love with Renjun? Before you could process anymore thoughts you pulled on a coat and some shoes, grabbing the umbrella you kept by the door. You had to tell Renjun how you felt.

Stepping out of your apartment complex, you thanked the love gods for allowing Renjun to live just a few blocks away from each other and not across town. There was no doubt in your mind that by the time you reached him, you would be soaked to the bone, but you had to do this. There was no point in keeping this crush to yourself just for nothing, you had to take the risk and just hope for the best. Best case scenario, you get a boyfriend, and worst case, well then you don’t talk to him for another few years and every time you see him your heart feels like it's being stomped on. You know, something that could become a regular feeling. 

You hurried through the storm, dodging large puddles while trying your best to stay beneath the awnings of the buildings. You stopped at a light, looking out into the rain to see just how much further you had until you got to Renjun’s place. But instead you focused on the sight of someone rushing through the rain to get to the opposite end of the crosswalk. You squinted through the downpour, realizing that the person at the other end of the crosswalk was “Renjun?”

You rushed toward him, lucky that there were no cars at this hour of the night to dodge. He ran forward, meeting you in the middle, pulling your hand forward so that the umbrella covered you both. “What are you doing out here?” He asked you loudly so you could hear him over the rain. 

“I was coming to see you,” you started, meeting his eyes that told you he was waiting to hear more, “Renjun I like you. I really like you. I don’t smile, or laugh, or feel happy or even feel annoyed with anyone else like I feel when I’m with you. I want to be happy and date you, use your stupid plans to plan dates for us. I don’t want anyone else but you.”

“God, you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that. I’ve had a crush on you since middle school, you don’t know how happy this makes me.” He beamed, using his free hand to cup your cheek.

His hands were wet, and his fingers were cold as they cupped your warm cheek. “Are you gonna kiss me or what?” You asked.

He surged forward, lips meeting your own in a passionate kiss as your eyes fluttered shut. Your lips moved against his own, wrapping your free arm around his neck to pull him closer. He let his other arm fall to bring you closer by the waist, deepening the kiss. With one arm holding up the umbrella you decided to just fuck it, dropping the umbrella you placed your hand at the back of his neck.

A sudden honk made the two of you jump apart, rushing back to the end of the crosswalk to avoid getting hit by an angry driver. 

“You crazy kids! Living your movie moment! I did it!” You heard a voice yell over the pounding rain. 

“Yangyang?” Both you and Renjun called out upon catching sight of Yangyang leaning out his car window.

He smiled, gesturing for the two of you to get in the car. You both shuffled into the backseat, hands held close and sitting side by side to warm each other up after being out in the horrible weather for so long. You were both shivering, teeth chattering, and lips nearly blue from the cold. 

“Aren’t you guys glad I meddled? I mean look at you guys, all cute and cuddled up after your adorable kiss in the rain.” Yangyang giddily smiled as he shook some of the water out of hair. 

“Can you just take us back to mine, I’d like to get dry so we don’t get sick. If that’s ok with you,” Renjun asked, whispering the last bit to you. 

You nodded, squeezing his hand reassuringly. Yangyang nodded, putting the car in drive, chatting your ears off about how happy he was that the plan worked even when he didn’t plan well considering he forgot to mention that you liked each other. He told you both that he was on his way to Renjun’s to tell him that you liked him and force him to FaceTime you and confess.

He pulled up in front of the apartment complex, turning to give you a cocky smirk before you could even get out of the car or thank him for the ride, “So is Injun a good kisser?”

“This whole car ride made me realize how much you suck, seriously. I clearly made the right choice, so I hope and pray for your sake Sua has a mountain of patience, like you never shut up- ever. Thank you for the ride.” You ranted angrily before you made your way out of the car.

Yangyang’s jaw fell in fake offense, “You sure know how to pick ‘em Renjun.”

But he wasn’t met with the shocked face he thought he would see, he was instead met with a dazed, lovesick look. “Yeah I do, I might be in love.”

[broken-stardust]

Budding Sunshine

Summary: Reader has something to tell Spencer.

Category: Dad!Spencer with TransMale!Reader Angst/Fluff

A/n: this is for a fathers day thing my friends are putting together but I also love the idea of Spencer being the supportive dad I didn’t have at first

Content warnings: misgendering, bullying, homophobia, transphobia, f slur, (used once) dysphoria

Word Count: 1.4k

Within a week of his daughter getting her hair cut short, he noticed her mood drop exponentially. The day of, she had a new confidence about her, almost like she was a completely different person, but now, sitting at the kitchen table doing her homework on a Friday night, Spencer could tell something was off. Her shoulders were slouched over, her shirt halfway untucked, and it looked as if she'd been crying. It didn't take a profiler to tell that she was hurting. She always came to her dad when she needed help with something, but this past week she'd been distant. 

Maybe she was just at that age, Spencer told himself. She was 13, of course. He'd read enough parenting manuals to know that children begin to grow distant when they hit puberty. He knew the science behind it, too. As a young person matures, they want to figure out who they are as an individual, and they need a level of independence for that. 

Still, Spencer couldn't help but worry when he heard a little sniffle come from the table while he cooked dinner. Determined to help his daughter through whatever it was that was bothering her, he lowered the flame on the macaroni and cheese and took a seat next to her. Even if she told him to leave her alone, which was a strong possibility, he had to at least try. 

"Hey, Sunshine," he said. "What's up?"

~

I looked up from my geometry homework when I heard my dad's voice. I tried to wipe away my tears as inconspicuously as I could, but I knew it wouldn't work. He gently took hold of my hand as I reached for my face and placed it back down on my lap, opting to dry my tears with his hand instead. 

"Hey, Dad," I squeaked, grimacing at how high my voice came out. I looked anywhere I could to avoid eye contact, eventually picking up my pencil and focusing back on my homework. "How's it going?"

My dad sighed gently and plucked the pencil out of my hand, taking my hand in his instead. I looked up at him then, seeing concern swirling in his eyes. I almost started crying again just from knowing that I was making him so upset. 

"You know you can talk to me, right?" he said. 

Of course, I did. I'd come to my dad for every problem I'd had in the past. This just felt... different. If I told him, he'd look at me differently. Things would change, and I didn't want them to. I didn't know what to say, so I just nodded instead. He opened his mouth to say something, but I decided that I should just say it and get it out of the way. So that's what I did. 

"Ithinkimaboy."

There were a few seconds of silence which felt like hours before my dad said "what?"

"I-" I took a deep breath. "I think I'm a boy," I said more clearly. 

Another moment passed as my dad processed the information I'd just dropped on him like a bomb, and I suddenly wished that I had been in its path, blown to smithereens so I wouldn't have to witness the aftermath of my confession. 

"Alright."

The word hung in the air between us like a wrecking ball swinging side to side, ready to knock either of us down. Well, really it was just ready to knock me down. 

"Alright?" I repeated, dumbfounded at my father's reaction. It wasn't that I didn't expect him to be supportive; I knew he would be. I just hadn't expected such a calm reaction. 

"Yeah. You know, 0.6% of the American population is transgender. People are figuring out their gender identity and coming out at younger ages these days, so it's not surprising that you're having these feelings at your age. Puberty and the development of secondary sex characteristics can often lead transgender individuals to realize that they are, in fact, transgender." 

"Dad!" I giggled, squirming at the mention of puberty. "That's gross."

He laughed right along with me. He laid a hand on my shoulder and leaned in to kiss the top of my head before rustling my hair. With that, the light-hearted moment was gone, and my face fell as I remembered the real reason I was so upset. 

"That's not why you've been crying all week though," my dad observed, still playing with my hair. "Is it?" I shook my head and willed the tears not to come rolling down. "What's wrong, Sunshine?"

"Well I was really happy with my haircut," I fiddled with my fingers as I spoke even though I knew it was a dead giveaway as to how anxious I was. I couldn't help it. 

"Yeah, you were," Dad recalled with a smile. "You were basically bouncing off the walls."

"I was really excited to show it off at school." As I continued, the tears I'd been willing not to spill began to pour out of my eyes. "My friends asked me why I cut it so short, and I decided to tell them I'm trans..." I trailed off then, unsure of how to get the words out of my mouth. 

"It didn't go so well, did it?"

I shook my head and wiped away my tears, only for more to slide down my pink cheeks. 

"They said I was disgusting," I sobbed. "They called me a faggot."

Dad pulled me in for a hug and whispered words of affirmation into my head as I wet his shirt with my sorrows. My muffled cries slowly got quieter as he played with my hair, and eventually, I was the one to pull away. 

"This has been happening all week?" he asked. The worry in his eyes was abundant, and my heart broke a little. I knew what he'd gone through in school, and I knew he hated seeing something like that happen to me. "Have you told anyone?" he asked, but he already knew the answer. 

"I didn't want to get people's parents involved," I explained. "Things get worse when the adults step in. I thought I could handle it."

Dad shook his head slightly before resting it in his hand. I could tell that he was trying to think of a plan for how to deal with this. I had a feeling I wasn't going to like it. 

"Monday morning, we're going to talk to the principal together."

I was right. 

He explained to me that we weren't going to complain about the bullies; we were going to come out and ask that my information be changed in the school's database. He wanted all the teachers to know to call me by the right name and pronouns. And if kids were going to be assholes, I could deal with it now that I had him on my side. 

"I assume you do have a name you want to go by?" he asked eventually as we hatched our plan. I smiled. I was waiting for this. 

"Yeah," I beamed. "Can you please call me Y/N from now on?"

"Y/N," he repeated slowly as if taking in the information, soaking it all up so as not to forget it. "I like that name. It suits you."

If I hadn't been smiling before, I sure was now. Hearing my dad use the name I'd chosen for myself made my heart soar. 

"Thanks, Dad," I said with a smile. 

"Sure thing, Bud," he said in return. 

I'd been tear-free for at least ten minutes now, and one single word had just ruined that streak. With three simple letters, my dad broke down what seemed to be the walls of a dam behind my eyes, and I was suddenly crying again. I could see the panic in his eyes as he rushed to comfort me. 

"Hey, hey," he said rubbing soothing circles on my back. "What's wrong? Did I say something wrong?"

I shook my head with a big dopey smile glued to my face. 

"I just really like the nickname Bud."

My dad let out a huge sigh of relief when he realized I was now crying happy tears. He was about to say something when he was interrupted by a loud screeching sound coming from throughout the house. The fire alarm. 

"The mac and cheese!" I yelled, and he turned around, running to turn off the flame under the now burnt cheesy pasta. As I opened the window to air out the kitchen, Dad reset the fire alarm. 

"Do you want to start it over again?" I asked. He looked at me with tired eyes. "Or we could order a pizza," I offered instead. 

"That's my boy," he said, pulling me in for another hug.

[heyheyloki]

Loving Is (Not) Easy [1]

Summary: Sometimes the best thing you can do is take it head on and wait.

Spencer Reid x M!Reader

Word Count: 4876

1. Sometimes, you need to wait.

The first time you met Doctor Spencer Reid was one that you wished happened under different circumstances. Although, if it did happen different, you highly doubt things would turn out like the way they have. You probably would never be living with him, never be able to be your true self, and never have found the man you want to love for the rest of your life. But, with any love story there will be always things in the way. Your enemy just happened to be time.

Around six months ago was the first time you saw him. He was literally your light in the darkness. He had saved you from a hell you couldn't escape for fifteen years. Over and over again you would wake up in that small room and the devil and his partner would strip you of yourself. They took everything they could from you, yet he was the one to give it all back.

It was around winter, the seasons turning as the green grass began to be dominated by the white fluffy snow. You were never really able to see it though. They wouldn't let you. The only time you got to see the outside was when they would remove the nails from the sheets that blacked-out the window from your eyes. You suppose you could always just try to tear the fabric down, but they would never let you back up in your room without your hands damaged. Too damaged to even touch anything. It stung.

You always believed that your life was supposed to be this way. That you would eventually die before you could even figure out how long you’ve been in this place. Before you could even know how old you actually were. Birthdays, time, those things were long in the first three years up here. After that, everything was such a blur that you barely tried to pay attention to it anymore. You believed in so many things, positive things, and yet as the time went on negative thoughts crawled inside your mind. You would never be able to experience love, or even get a job and normal social life. Something you have been deprived up ever since you came out to them about something personal. Something they thought was filthy and disgusting.

You thought for such a long while that it was your fault, and you still did to this day. Maybe if you had read the signs more you would have noticed. But what young boy notices that stuff? What young boy would think their parents are capable of such acts because of their sexuality?

You never tried to scream. Your mother always told you that if you scream then you’ll get punished. You never tried to learn what that punishment would be. Although, one day the pain was just too unbearable that you let out noise. Your parents didn't like it much. But how can you not scream as they cut open your skin? 

Even with the punishment. Even with the beatings. You think the only thing that saved your life was your scream. You only thank those who heard it, the neighbors. They were the ones who brought him to you. And you thank them every day of your life for it.

It was normal day at the BAU section of the FBI in Quantico, Virginia. The team there had received a case from the police in Denver, Colorado about a possible abusive household. Normally, things like this would be handled by the police only. Although, this case was proving to be more and more gruesome than they ever thought possible.

The team had collected in the conference room, the board lit up with two pictures. One of a man and the other a woman. They looked to be completely normal, normal people anyone would pass at any time of the day.

"Nicolás and Vanessa Perez are a married couple in the Denver area of Colorado." A woman known as JJ stated. She had short blond hair and fair skin. Each of those at the table had a conflicted look on their faces, especially since she didn't show any pictures of them as bloody corpses.

"What's so special about them?" Agent Aaron Hotchner, leader of the team asked.

"Well, they aren't dead for one. Although, neighbors have heard screams coming from the house." She said, her thumb clicking on a button on the remote she carried. A small window of video popped up and immediately began to play. It was focused on the ground, a sidewalk. Even so with not being able to see anyone, the bloodcurdling screams of a male was present in all of their ears. Screams that called out in the darkness when monsters are visible. Screams that should never be made possible. But, it was. Those types of voices were signs of clear distress and pain rather than fear. And everyone in the room knew that.

Once it ended, a couple of people let out a deep sigh. Their hearts speeding up for just one moment before putting back up the shield that helped them do this job.

"Do we know who that was?" Doctor Spencer Reid, the youngest of the agents asked.

"No one had any idea up until a few days ago when a neighbor took this picture." JJ said as she put up a somewhat blurred image of a young individual looking out the window of what looked to be an upstairs room or attic.

"We have any idea who the kid is?" Derek Morgan asked.

"No one can get an ID on him." JJ informed the team. Although, just as she believed they would hurry to Denver, Colorado, Hotchner asked, "I understand the severity of the situation but why did the police need us on this case?"

"Well," JJ muttered. Her thumb clicking a button once more as ten pictures of young woman popped up on screen. The youngest at eighteen while the oldest ranging up to her thirties. "All these woman have been going missing in the area where the screaming can be heard. Police there believe it is this couple kidnapping these young woman, but they have no proof."

"Wait, but the one in the picture there is obviously a young man." Emily Prentiss stared clearly for everyone to hear.

"Yeah, that does seem to be the case." Spencer Reid agreed, his hazel hues keeping on the blurred picture of the young man.

"Either way, I don't like the odds that boy has." Hotchner said, picking up himself and the items he owned from the circular table as he and his team moved out. The screams they all heard from that video echoing non-stop in their minds.

2. Don’t Make A Sound

 When they all reached the police station cops were running back and forth as commotion ensued the place. They looked around at the panic before picking up the pace to the one who calls the shots, the Chief.

"What's going on?" Special Agent David Rossi asked. He and his team watched as the police chief turned to them just after he hung up the phone. Some determination deep within his eyes, or perhaps anger.

"We just got another report of screams coming from the same house." He quickly stated. "I'm about to go visit the home again, you all are free to tag along."

Everyone quickly agreed, however, Hotchner was quick to leave JJ and Reid at the station to start up a profile for the unsubs. Meanwhile, everyone else traveled to the most unsuspecting home in the most unsuspecting neighborhood. It was one of those neighborhoods that would be in an ad back in the day that promoted the American Dream to foreigners. The clean cut green grass, the perfect two story home, and of course, the whit picket fence. When the team came up to the house and knocked on the door the woman answered first. She stared at them with narrowed eyes as she scanned all of the badges they whipped out for her to see.

"Mrs Perez? We have a few questions for you. May we come in?" Derek asked with the deep and silky voice that attract woman left and right.

"Sure," she stuttered. Her fingers scrunched against her thin scarf that hung loosely around her neck as she stepped aside for them. Each one that entered her home allowed another squeeze at her scarf.

As the officer and members from the FBI looked around the home, they noticed nothing out of the ordinary. It was a typically normal home with a normal living room, kitchen, even bedroom. When they all sat down in the living room to talk, Derek couldn't help but notice a door that looked to lead up to an attic. One that would have to be pulled down from the sealing. Thing was though, it had a lock. He kept it in mind as others began to question her. Rossi looking around at the picture of her and her husband along a table, as well as several items that indicated she was religious.

"Where is your husband, Mrs Perez?" Rossi asked. He stared at the back of her head for a moment before going back to the pictures when he heard her reply, "The store, we needed more food."

"Ma'am, we've been getting several reports now of screams coming from your house. Mind telling us what that's all about?" The officer asked, his brows furrowed more the longer he stared at her.

"I have no idea. It's just me and my husband, you see. We don't bother anyone." She stated calmly. Although, even with her calm demeanor, something about this woman irked Derek to his very core. He could feel it in his gut that something was wrong, and almost on some god-given luck a few noises--like footsteps--came from above. Everyone was quick to get a look up, their minds racing. However, when they looked back at the woman on instinct she said, "We have a raccoons nest up there."

"Better get them out soon, raccoons tend to carry all kinds of illnesses." Rossi said in a manner that was almost read as sarcastic, like he wasn't buying any of it. Although, even with the timid questioning, things began to heat up at an exponential rate when he saw a photo of a small boy. In the picture it was easy to say he was a cute kid. Smooth skin, full lips, gorgeous colored orbs, and healthy looking hair. The kinda features for a male that would mature into god-like looks.

"This your son?" Rossi asked. He held the photo up for her to get a look at when she turned her body around.

"Yes. His name is [Name], a sweet boy." She sugared, something about her honeyed words clawed at Rossi.

"So, where is he now?" He asked, walking up to the group once he set the photo down. He watched as she grabbed a hold of her necklace, a cross, as she said, "I sent him away. Boys like those detectives, they get a lot of attention."

"What kind of attention?" Prentiss asked, her arms folded over her chest.

"Attention one boy should not be getting from another." She hissed out. Her hatred now clear for everyone to see. Her dark eyes scanned the room before her voice became strong, more stern. "How would you feel if your son was kissing other boys?"

"I wouldn't care." Hotchner quickly stated, his own eyes burning with hatred as well. However, his hate was targeted somewhere different. "What did you do to him?"

She stared at Hotchner for a moment. Her eyes twisting into something that made his stomach turn at what she could have done to her own son. Then, a moment later, she raised her chin and said, "Somewhere better. Somewhere where he can learn god's will and fix his devil like face."

After the interrogation at the Perez house, the team went back to the station where Reid had been fixing up a board that helped him classify the unsubs.

"Whatcha got, pretty boy?" Derek asked with a small smirk. He saw Reid turn around with a sorta mocking face for a split second before getting into his findings.

"The only connection I could find between the missing woman was that they are all between the ages of eighteen and twenty, not only that but after about a week they are discarded and replaced." Reid started out saying, thoughts now running through his family's minds when he said, "It was almost like they were defective to them in some way."

Derek was the first to speak his mind, even if he didn’t like the conclusion he and many others were coming up with only after meeting the wife once. “When we went there, she went on about sending her son to a ‘better place’ where he can ‘fix himself’. If her and her husband have him and are taking these women, is it a stretch to say that they’re taking these women for him?”

“Well, why would they be doing that?” JJ asked. “I mean, you guys said that it sounded like their son was homosexual.”

“He can still be.” Rossi said, “but the parents think they can fix his sexuality by forcing these women onto him and when they don’t..”

“They’re killed and replaced,” Hotchner finished, his eyes scanning the board before saying aloud, “let’s go give the profile.”

3. Escape Never Looked So Easy

You’ve known this place most of your life and for the longest time you could remember a new girl coming to visit you every week. No, visit isn't the right word. More so forced to see you. You knew what was going on as you got older and you knew the first thing you had to do was help these women in anyway you could. Over and over again you have failed in ways that no one would ever understand. However, you were determined to help this one. You had too. Not only for a lofty sense of justice and pity, but since it was also your chance. She could help. Go to the police. The FBI are here now, they will help you.

"It'll be okay, I promise." You whispered to a scared woman who hugged her knees in her chest. The tears down her face wouldn't stop, staining her pale cheeks. Her wobbly eyes gazed up at you, staring at every possible scar that they left on your face.

"How do you do it?" Her brittle voice asked. Her head leaned to the side as her eyes narrowed and brows furrowed.

It was weird to be asked such a question, but not an uncommon one. They all ask it eventually, and you guess at some point in time you found the answer.

"I.. learned to adapt." You muttered out, your own head leaning downward as you stared at the rotting wooden floorboards. It was quiet for a moment, but you could still feel her eyes curiously watching you. Searching you.

"H-How long have you been up here?" She stuttered, almost scared to know the answer.

This time it was your turn to mirror her look of confusion. You could always tell when it was night and day, when the seasons chance, but you never have been able to count the years that have gone by. That was always the hard part.

"Don't know," You uttered, your voice soft and vulnerable. "All my life, I suppose."

Looking back, all you remember is this place. This way of living. You truly believe the only thing that kept you from believing this was okay in anyway was the books your father sneaks to you. He ended up doing it for as long as you could remember, but after some time whenever she would leave the house he would come up here. He'd teach you things, tend to my wounds, even apologize.

One time, he even tried to help you escape. A while ago, after they put up the tarp so the neighbors couldn't see you from the attic, he left the nails very loose in the wooden boards along the wall. It was easy for you to take it off without making too much noise. The jump down wasn't much given how it's only a two story home and the land would be in some bushes, but she tends to be more concerned with locking you away from the world. Father said it was so you don't 'act on the devil's desires'.

That sentence never did make sense to you. As much as you believe in your own intelligence, you could never wrap your head around it. After all, how would you be acting on the 'devil's desires' when she calls you the devil in disguise. Wouldn't it just be your own desires then? And even so, what's so wrong about desires? That's what makes an individual, otherwise wouldn't we all just be the same?

Father told you it started off with my looks. She believes you’re not their child, and he predicts that's how she can act so monstrous towards you. She apparently used to tell him about how the devil is supposed to be depicted as a handsome man, one with radiant features and charism so he can make others sin. She was always scared of you, of how you would look when you grew older. But, the moment she caught you innocently giving a kiss to a boy, she snapped.

She tells your father that they are ridding great evil from the world. Not so much about protecting you, fixing you. But more about protecting other people, helping other people. She used to call priests all the time when you were younger, but they stopped coming after some time. Your father thinks it has something to do with the fact that she didn't want the priests to see the scars on your face.

The first one she placed on you was on your left bottom lip. It drags from your lip to a little on your chin. It's noticeable, that's for a sure, as well as jagged. Over time, the cuts got smoother. The latest was under your right eye. It was curved to match my eye socket as well as wide more in the middle before riding off. All the other scars just happened to be on your body. Chest, back, legs, arms. She wanted to make sure that you were no longer the devil she imagined. After all, if your face was no longer sinful, if your handsome features were cut up, who would think of you as even the least bit attractive?

You only snapped out of your own thoughts when the girl across from you tapped on your shoulder. Your eyes quickly met hers that were filled with some kinda new strength while you felt wetness stream down your face.

"We're gonna get outta here. Both of us." She said to you. It was the first time someone had offered to take you with them. The first time that they didn't just care about their own escape. Although, you never blamed them.

"Y-Yeah," You stuttered, your voice cracking the longer she stared at you.

However, you decided at this point it would be best to just focus on her. She was more in danger than you were, so, you told her a plan. One that was full proof as long as that woman is out of the house.

"I can't take the tarp down, nevertheless open the window with my hands." You informed her. She guided her eyes to your shaky hands that where riddled with scars and bruises. Some cuts open with dried blood the only thing keeping the wound shut. "They haven't hurt you like they have me yet. So, it's up to you."

"How will I know she's gone?" The girl asked.

"She will be soon. This is the time of the day that she goes out for more supplies. It will take her at least twenty minutes." You informed her. Your head dropping for a second before saying softly, "Get back here with those FBI guys before then."

"Why?" She asked curiously.

You never did answer that question. It was your least favorite of all questions, especially when the answer most of the times is so easy to figure out.

4. God Sent Me An Angel

Fifteen minutes. That's how long she's been gone for. As much as you hope she would bring those people back, you wouldn't blame her if she just ran for the hills. Something like this, it would scare a lot of normal people. Though when does something scary turn into another person's normal? After time? You suppose that could be one answer; maybe even the only answer.

You think it was in a book you read stated that faith could be something of salvation and yet could lead someone onto the highway to hell. You truly believe that is where she will go after she dies, and you do hope that she realizes the truth. The single truth that you are not the devil in disguise. That you are not a sinner. That you are not Satan himself.

It was so quiet, quiet enough to hear your own breathing as it entered through your nose and out your mouth. Your breath laid still in the air, visible by the cool air that surrounded the attic. There wasn’t a heater in there, so the temperature was determined by the weather on the outside. 

One minute. Two minutes. You felt like you had started counting the seconds, lost so much in your head that you didn’t hear anything until the sound of clanking wood rang loud in your ear drums, infecting your brain.

You whipped your head around and stared blankly at the only exit or entrance of this hell besides the now broken window. Although, you had heard the sound so many times before that it was normal, most of the time you wouldn't even go to look. But this time you wanted to see, you wanted to look to see if the true devil was going to look you in the eyes or maybe perhaps it would be an angel himself.

However, you heard no sirens. Heard no new voices or those of those men before. So, the moment you saw the light shine from the house into the attic, you knew you would be staring into the eyes of the devil. And you did.

You knew the moment you saw the disembodied look on her face that my fate was sealed with a bloody end. Perhaps now your suffering can end, maybe now you can actually get some peace.

"Get over here, boy!" She yelled, her words like poison. Yet you hoped in that moment that when she wrapped her hand around your wrist that you would be let to your salvation. Maybe when you die you would see the pretty stars, the beautiful moon that somehow gave you a sense of hope in that dark and cold attic.

Her grip was solid and terrifying, although the fear you had for that woman died a long time ago when she started to slash your face. You couldn't see your father for miles, you had just assumed in that moment that perhaps she killed him as well, just like with all the other woman before. The ones you failed to save but each made a vow to, one they wanted you to keep before they met their end.

It wasn't until you both went into the kitchen and found yourself in the spot that she makes a mess with your body that you felt something. It wasn't so much fear or anger, but more so hope. It was the hope that this never ending nightmare would finally come to a close, that you would finally wake up.

"Sirens.." You muttered to yourself, your voice soft like that of a childs. You watched as her face contorted in fear when some men began to pound on the door and claim to be with the FBI.

When the door was busted down she pulled you close to her and held an object close to your neck, yet before it all she managed to grab the nearest bag and place it over your face. Essentially, even to the end she would rather hide me from them all entirely. With your vision gone, all you had was sound and touch to go one.

"Put the knife down!" You heard a man yell. You could remember him as one of the men that came here the other day.

"Mrs. Perez, let the boy go." A soft voice spoke. You couldn't explain why it was silky and not as deep as the other but gave you a sense of calmness. You could tell you would be fine in that moment, and believed it more than the entire universe.

"I'm not letting such evil into the world! None of you understand! He's the devil himself!" She screamed, the knife's sharp edges more prominent against your neck. You didn't make a sound though. You thought maybe you could get punished if you did.

"Why do you believe that?" The man with the calming voice asked. You could tell he was trying to calm her down to let you go.

Her firm grasp on your shoulder suddenly grew tighter, you believed she could shatter your bones if she really wanted to. "Everything about him. He's a sinner, he makes other people sin." She whispered, "He doesn't look like me or my husband."

"You think he's the devil because of his looks?" He asked.

It was silent for a second before she uttered, "I know he is because of his looks. I tried, I tried so hard to make it so he wouldn't make others sin. So he wouldn't spread such evil into this world."

"Why don't you tell me all about it after you hand him over?" He asked. You could tell all of his words were lies. "If.. If he's in custody with the FBI then he won't be able to spread the evil you speak off."

"Could I.. get rid of him?" She muttered. It was quiet, so quiet that all you could hear was your own breathing until you felt the hand on you shoulder slowly loosen. The knife around your neck moved around and before you knew it you could feel a pair of gentle hands on your upper arms.

You could hear the shuffling next to you and the jiggle of metal as they cuffed the woman next to you. It wasn't until you heard those footsteps echo off into the distance that the one in front of you asked, "Are you alright?"

You only nodded. It wasn't that you had an issue with talking or something, you just didn't want to at the moment.

"I'm gonna take this off, okay?" He asked. Your mind guessed he was taller than you and looked up an inch in turn. It was the first time that someone asked permission to do something to you.

You nodded again and once you did the crinkling the bag ran loud into your ears as the darkness you saw turned into light. When you opened your eyes, you stared at the man in front of you. He was young, maybe in his early or mid 20s. His chestnut hair was on the longer side and did this cute thing were it got curly on the ends. It reached down to his jaw that was sharp. He had pale skin, and had these eyes anyone could get lost in. They were sweet, something you haven't seen in anyone but those woman and your father at times.

The both of you stared at one another for an extended period of time. While you admired the man's features, you thought perhaps he was in shock at how hideous you look. Between the scars and such, you wouldn't be surprised if he thought that. However, the more you looked into his eyes, the more the idea of disgust was pushed from your mind. It was like that emotion wasn't even present as he stared at you.

Though, when he snapped out of his daze, he looked back on his game.

"Hey, there," he uttered calmly. "My name's Spencer Reid. I'm with the FBI, you're gonna be okay, you understand?"

You nodded your head again. You could tell he probably thought you were mute or something so when he started to move away you said aloud, "[Name]."

He was quick to move his head around back at you. The expression on his face was one of shock. He was truly baffled you were speaking, which made you almost retract. Although, I didn't.

"What was that?" He asked in confirmation.

"[Name]." You said more firmly, my natural deeper tone coming through. "That’s my name, since we’re sharing."

This time it was his turn to nod his head a bit, but at the same time, he smiled. It was softer and showed no teeth, but a smile nonetheless. It somehow softened you a tad, almost made you feel vulnerable to an extent. However you knew that it probably had something to die with the fact that he saved your life.

"We're gonna take you somewhere safe. Is that okay with you?" He asked. The second time someone has asked your permission. It truly felt wonderful. It was almost like you mattered, like your feelings were valid.

"Sure," you said. It was at this moment that your turning point would occur and you would be be allowed the freedom to do what you pleased. Something you were deprived of for over fifteen years.

[rosyfingereddawnn]

That’s The Way (Chapter 3)

Pairing: Jimmy Page x Reader

Word count: 3.7k

Warning(s): smut/nsfw, cheating, cursing, angst, Y/N being a badass :)

Author’s notes: We’ll be honest...this chapter is a lot to handle 😂 which is amazing since it’s only Chapter 3 of many! We suggest taking a break throughout, because you’re gonna need it 😂 So much happens that your mind may actually explode from the drama. By the way, Jimmy is introduced in the next chapter so yay! As usual, please enjoy, happy reading, and send us messages if you have theories, comments, music recommendations for the playlist, or if you want to be added to the tag list :)

Chapters: 1 | 2

————

Paul took Y/N out to dinner that week, and they had a wonderful time together. It seemed that every conversation they had together brought them closer and closer, and Y/N was in pure bliss. From that point forward, the two became inseparable.

Y/N’s parents, however, were not super pleased that Y/N was seeing Paul, especially because they had warned her about the romantically-unattached musician’s mannerisms and habits not that long ago. They just decided to act like they liked Paul, so he wouldn’t get suspicious or feel bad.

Two members of The Yardbirds in particular (and I’m sure, dear reader, that you know who they are by now) were hit with pangs of jealousy whenever they saw Y/N constantly attached to Paul’s arm. And, to make matters worse, it was under any circumstance imaginable: parties, interviews, photoshoots, meetings, airports, train stations, hotels...the list goes on. Yes, they did spend plenty of time apart, but attraction can make a man think irrationally. Even though they were specifically and strictly told to keep their mouths shut, it was very tempting to just say the truth and end their misery. A part of Chris and Jim felt happy to see her happy, but another, traitorous side of them felt exponentially bad for her. They knew that she was being used by Paul as arm-candy, and they knew that she, of all people, did not deserve that.

But that’s the name of the game, unfortunately.

~~~~~~~~

18 February 1966

The Yardbirds were scheduled to perform on an episode of Ready, Steady, Go! that night, and Y/N decided to go and be a part of the live audience. She felt an obligation to support Paul and the band, since they were all friends (and a boyfriend, of course) now.

Before the show, Jim, Jeff, and Keith were all sitting on the stage, discussing the logistics of the rehearsals that would start soon. Y/N stood in front of the already-prepared stage and chatted with them.

“So what are you guys going to do on our days off next week?” Jeff asked.

“Spend time with my family,” Keith replied, adjusting his sunglasses.

“Not sure yet, haven’t figured it out,” Jim added.

“How ‘bout you, Miss Y/N?” Jeff nodded towards her with a smile. She answered with a soft giggle.

“I’m probably going golfing with my brother and a couple mates.”

“You golf?” Jim asked. She seemed to be getting more and more perfect by the day.

“Mmhmm,” Y/N nodded enthusiastically, “I’m bloody awful at it, but it’s fun, and I can hang out with my brother, so it’s a win-win.”

“You never told us you had siblings,” Keith smirked, tilting to the side and crossing his arms.

“Oh yeah, I have three. There’s Tommy, my older brother; Charlie, my younger brother; and Lillian, my little sister,” Y/N said.

“Wow, full house,” Jeff remarked, “I have a sister, Annetta, who I think you’d get along with quite well. I’ll have to introduce you to her soon.”

“Oh, that’d be great! I’d love to meet another Beck,” Y/N replied playfully. Jeff just laughed and shook his head.

“It’s a shame that I can’t spend time with Paul this week. He said he was busy, but he didn’t explain why,” Y/N sighed, “whatever. It’s probably legitimate, so I don’t mind. We’ve been hanging out too much anyway.” She laughed at the last part.

“He’s probably just going home to his wife,” Jim replied, thoughtlessly.

At that instant, everyone’s eyes widened, eyebrows raised, and lips downturned into a shocked, panicked frown.

“He’s...what?” Y/N asked quietly, sounding like she was about to shatter into a thousand tiny pieces.

Y/N noticed that Keith and Jeff were glaring at Jim, who was clearly embarrassed at what he had revealed. He hid his eyes with his hand.

When Jeff finally found it in him to turn away from Jim, he deeply exhaled. He then reached out his hands to touch Y/N’s shoulders in an attempt to comfort her.

“Look, Y/N, you weren’t supposed to find out this way, and I’m so sorry we didn’t tell you sooner,” Jeff began, “but he is indeed married. I honestly don’t know why he wanted to pursue you, and I warned him against it because of how much we care about you, but he did it anyway.”

Tears streamed down Y/N’s face and her bottom lip started to quiver. “I can’t believe this,” she whispered, “he made it seem like I was the only one…that he was really in love with me...”

Jeff hated seeing his friend cry because of something he could have prevented. But, Y/N was somehow still beautiful when she cried.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” Jeff consoled gently, getting off the stage to hug her, “here, let’s take you backstage to calm you down a little.”

Y/N refused Jeff’s kind offer with a shake of the head. Through her blurry, teary-eyed vision, she just plastered on a smile, and wiped the wetness from her eyes.

“Ew,” her voice cracked, “why am I crying? That’s so gross of me, I’m so sorry. I’m definitely making you guys uncomfortable.”

The three musicians’ eyes widened at Y/N’s sudden burst of emotional strength.

“Y/N, you just found out you were Sam’s side chick, and you don’t care?” Jeff inquired, genuinely confused as to what was going on with Y/N’s emotions.

“It’s okay to be sad, love. And utterly fuming with anger. I must admit, this situation wouldn’t be as dire if it were someone else, but it’s you,” Keith added. Jim just sat in silence. He didn’t know what to say. His message destroyed Y/N’s heart and her innocence.

“I am sad, but if this ‘thing’ went on any longer, I’d probably be even more devastated. You saved me from a lot more unnecessary heartbreak, so thank you, Jim,” Y/N said. Her tone sounded completely numb.

“How are you gonna tell Sam?” Keith asked Y/N.

She exhaled deeply. “I don’t know. It wouldn’t be fair of me to lash out on him before being on national television.”

“How can you care about fairness? Don’t you realize what this man has done to you?” Jeff asked, anger interlaced in his voice.

“Yes, Jeff. I do,” Y/N replied stoically, “And I’ll be fine, really. Let’s just forget about it, okay? I’m just lucky to be here, watching you perform. What song are you playing again?” Y/N tried to change the subject, but on the inside she was in deep agony and pain. She poured all of this time and emotion and her body into this cute musician boy, just to realize she didn’t matter.

“‘Shapes of Thi—’” Keith began quietly.

Jeff cut him off. “Y/N, I seriously refuse to believe you’re okay. Please, just let me help y—” he started.

“Jeff! I’m fine! Seriously,” Y/N raised her voice a little, annoyed at the nagging.

“But you seem—” Jim began, barely perceptible.

“Oh my God, Jim, I’m fine!” Y/N shouted. “I don’t care. It’s done, it’s over.”

The three men sat in silence after Y/N’s sudden outburst of anger, which was very out of character for her. She quickly realized what she had done.

“I’m so sorry for lashing out on you guys. That was uncalled for, it’s not your fault. I’m gonna go to the loo, excuse me,” she said quickly, walking out of the scene before anyone could call after her.

~~~~~~~~

Y/N stayed in the bathroom for all of rehearsals, and she finally reemerged right before the broadcast was about to start, looking as fresh as she did when she got there. It was as if the news was never even brought to her attention.

She refused to make eye contact with Paul through the entire performance, even though it was apparent that he tried to get her attention with his eyes. Chris was just confused that she wouldn’t even dare to glance at Paul. Just a little trouble in paradise that he didn’t know about maybe?

After the show and when the band went offstage, Jeff went back into the crowd to check on Y/N and brought her backstage.

“You have to confront him,” Jeff pleaded.

“I don’t want to,” Y/N whined.

“You have to, or else he’ll bloody win! You don’t want that, and I sure as hell don’t want that for you either! He is the one at fault. You have every right to fuck him up for it.”

Jeff’s little speech gave her an impulsive boost of confidence.

“Fine. I’ll do it. Get everyone out of the room, though,” Y/N stated firmly, beginning to march down the hallway behind Jeff.

Momentarily, Jeff went into the room and rounded up Keith, Jim, and Chris, and filed them down the hallway into another room orderly.

As Y/N was about to enter the room, Jeff whispered in her ear, “Good luck, kid. Knock ‘em dead.” Y/N smiled at Jeff before entering the room and closing the door behind her.

~~~~~~~~

Paul warmly smiled at Y/N as she entered the room.

“Hello, love,” he said gently, “how did you enjoy the show?”

Y/N painted on the most genuine smile she could force. “It was...almost perfect.”

Paul’s eyebrow quirked as he smiled in a confused way. “Why almost?”

“I don’t think rehearsals went as well as I had planned,” Y/N replied smoothly.

“Why? Did something bad happen to you? You’re speaking in riddles, dear.”

“Oh, I apologize,” Y/N snickered, “it’s actually so funny that you bring up riddles, because that seemed to be the exact problem at hand.”

“What does that mean? Did someone tell you something you couldn’t figure out?” Paul chuckled, “You’re confusing me.”

“I figured out that you would be going home to your wife next week.”

All the colour from Paul’s face was drained in a millisecond, and his originally jovial expression was gone. It was as if someone punched him in the gut.

“Who...who told you?” he asked, panicked.

Y/N was taken aback. “I find out I’m your side-chick and you have the audacity to ask who told me? Not an ‘I’m so sorry that I lied to you and broke your heart, Y/N’?”

Paul huffed. “And you expect me to just keep my composure when someone of your gravity walks into the room for the first time? I really am sorry, Y/N, I truly, truly am, but—”

Y/N’s calm and quiet demeanor had left the building at that point. She was mad. Really mad.

“But what? You tell me how in love you are with me, and how I’m your one and only forever, just to realize that I didn’t matter? I’m going to be eighteen years old in March. Eighteen. What do I know about love? Nothing, absolutely nothing. And you chose to take full advantage of my emotional vulnerability.”

“But you did matter. You’re so special to me, Y/N. Don’t you understand that?”

“Don’t you understand that you have a wife? You never loved me. I was never special to you. I was just another fling. But you won’t admit it to yourself.”

“The life of a travelling musician is extremely difficult, Y/N, and you don’t get that,” Paul said severely.

“And that shouldn’t be used as an excuse. You know what? We’re done. Whatever this ‘thing’ is, is over. I wish you the best,” Y/N concluded as she walked out the door and sternly shut it.

The nightmare was over and Y/N was a free agent.

Before she could debrief about her experience with any of the other Yardbirds, Y/N left the venue, caught the first taxi home, ran up into her room, and cried herself to sleep.

~~~~~~~~

22 April 1966

Y/N found recovery time and solace in those two months without Paul. She didn’t go to any Yardbirds gigs, but she sporadically met up with Jeff, Keith, Jim, and Chris at a pub or restaurant to catch up over a meal and drinks. Chris had recently mentioned to her that they were playing in London on the 22nd, and if she felt comfortable, she could attend for free and get backstage to hang out.

Y/N said she’d have to think about it, but she’d definitely consider it.

She had realized over the course of two months that she was not truly in love with Paul. Yes, she fancied him, but she must’ve mistaken the feeling of being genuinely in love with the person for being in love with the situation. Y/N concluded that this relationship was the equivalent of living out one’s childhood dreams of a romance with their schoolgirl crush.

She decided that she was retired from dating for a long time, especially because of how this shitshow ended, but a miniscule piece of her wondered when and how she’d meet her other half.

In the afternoon on the day of the show, which was to be played at the Wimbledon Palais, Y/N made the reckless decision to take a trip down to the Yardbirds’ hotel, but not for the reason you might expect.

Y/N never got the chance to thank Jim McCarty for coming clean about Paul’s infidelity to his wife by “dating” her, and to formally apologize for ripping him at the Ready, Steady, Go! rehearsals. She felt bad for being so dismissive of him, because he was always so nice to her and apparently seemed to care more about her wellbeing than Paul ever did.

Y/N stood on the platform of the train station anxiously, meticulously scheming in her mind about what she would say to Jim to truly and genuinely express her gratitude. She thought about how the encounter would go all the way to London, and all the way on her walk to the hotel.

When she arrived at the hotel, she greeted the concierge, and took the elevator to what she believed to be the Yardbirds’ floor. She took an educated guess as to which room Jim’s would be, just by what she had seen in past times. Y/N took a deep breath before knocking on the door.

When the door opened, she realized that in her best interest, her guess was correct.

“Hi,” she greeted breathily, her fingers interlaced together in front of her timidly.

“Hi,” Jim smiled. After a short moment of awkward silence, he continued, “Um, what are you doing here? Not that it’s a bad thing, which it’s not, but…” he trailed off.

“I just wanted to tell you something that I think needed to be said in-person,” Y/N said quickly.

Jim raised his eyebrows in surprised delight. “Oh, okay.” He moved out of the way of the doorframe so Y/N could enter the room, then shut the door gently behind her. “Welcome to my humble abode,” he chuckled, “make yourself at home.”

Y/N smiled and thanked him graciously, but shyly, as she sat down at a small couch at the edge of the bed. Jim was quick to follow her actions.

Y/N took a deep breath before beginning, “I just wanted to thank you for informing me about Paul in February. I know, it’s been a really long time since then… but I’ve needed some time to myself to think and refocus and recuperate, y’know?”

Jim just laughed. “You came all the way here to thank me? That’s so nice of you. You didn’t need to do that.”

Y/N grinned. “I don’t know, I felt this obligation for some reason. And in addition, I wanted to apologize for lashing out at you as well. I was just shell-shocked, I guess, and I unfairly took it out on you and Jeff.”

“If I forgave you then, I’ll still forgive you now,” Jim smiled, “don’t sweat it. In all honesty, I was surprised at how well you took the news.”

“I just wanted to be as calm and composed as possible,” Y/N blushed, “but obviously I didn’t get very far, did I?” Jim laughed at Y/N’s little jab at herself.

“Well, you’re so quiet, at least you showed a piece of your inner self that night,” Jim teased. Y/N just beamed at him.

“You know, since I owe you, now… I guess I just need to live a little, y’know? I have this introverted shell I need to break out of someday, and I might as well start now,” Y/N offered with a chuckle. “So, with that being said, let me do something for you. Anything you want.”

“Oh no, that’s too much. You didn’t even cause me any grief,” Jim retaliated playfully, “thank you, Y/N, but I think you’re overthinking this whole situation.”

“Please,” she continued with a pleading voice, “I feel awful, and plus, if it makes you feel better, you’ll be helping me clear my conscience. Jim, I’ll do anything you want, no matter how crazy… I’ll take you jet-skiing, I’ll ride on a bike in a bikini when the temperature is below freezing, I’ll clean your kitchen… anything you want me to do, I will do.”

Jim grinned at the bizarre options Y/N gave him before contemplating her invocation for a moment. Anything, huh?

“Kiss me.”

“You said you'd do anything, no matter how crazy, yes?” Y/N didn't get a chance to finish, as Jim interrupted her with a hand at her wrist, and a flinty look in his eyes, that gazed right into hers.

“I did.”

“Well,” Jim continued, stepping ever-closer to the young woman in front of him. She looked just as beautiful as she always had, if not more. Jim was convinced she was perfect, and wanted to protect her. To treat her right, the way she deserved. “You could get on your knees, in front of me.”

Kneeling down on the carpeted floor, Y/N looked up at him through her eyelashes, and the glint in her eyes made his knees weak. She looked almost shy, and he couldn't help but send a comforting smile her way.

“Have you done this before, Y/N?”

She shook her head at this, and looked down, almost embarrassed. Jim, heart pounding in his chest in anticipation, reached out a hand to lift her head. Her eyes held trust, and a hint of nervousness, but her lips quirk up in a smile, her cheeks flushing.

“I’ll walk you through it, love.” The sound of a belt clinking to the floor reached Y/N’s ears, zipper following suit, and she couldn’t help the way she almost thrummed with anticipation. Her parents had warned her against exactly this type of thing. Musicians were, according to her parents, a fickle breed, who only wanted her for her looks and body. It hurt to think of it now, when Jim was being nothing but a gentleman to her. She wanted to break out of her shell, and maybe this was the way to do it.

Y/N looks to Jim and sees him exposed, fully hard now, and her cheeks erupt into shades of rosy pink. He was big, much bigger than she would have expected, and she smiled up at him.

“Okay, love. Open your mouth.” Y/N opened her mouth, sinking it over his tip, which elicits a strained moan, full of pleasure. His hand landed in Y/N’s hair, fingers clenching gently around the tresses. The light tug Y/N felt only spurred her on.

“That’s incredible, princess. Now, try and circle your tongue. You’re doing so well.”

Y/N did as she’s told, and it’s like a spell was put over the man. He craned his head back, neck bared, as soft whimpers fell past his lips. Growing more confident, knowing now what he liked, she let her teeth rake over him lightly, which worked more moans from him, almost breathless in his euphoria.

With a murmured “fuck,” he comes, Y/N’s name the only thing on his lips. She slowly released him from her mouth, wiping her lips with the back of her hand as she stood. Jim, leaning up against the wall, was in bliss, heaving breaths and ruffling Y/N’s hair as she approached.

“That was… you're perfect, princess. Absolutely perfect.”

Y/N laughs, smile nearly splitting her cheeks, and she pressed even closer, pressing her lips to his in a soft, content embrace. She could taste the sweat on his lips, and she couldn't help but think that she could definitely get used to this feeling.

Jim revelled in the feel of her soft lips against his, and he was struck by the thought that this is exactly where he’s supposed to be. He’s where he wants to be, beside Y/N.

————

Taglist: @blood-on-blood @reincarnated70sbaby

[shimmershae]

So.  Thanks to my new anonymous friend, this is going to become a thing.

Shae’s thinky thoughts about the latest episode--Acheron:  Part 2--beneath a cut. 

Because spoilers, however vague they might be.  

Let’s be real here.  This is more a stream of consciousness than anything else so if that’s not your thing, you are most welcome to nope right on out of this post.  Trust me.  I’ll completely understand, lol.  Sometimes?  I wish I could nope right on out of my own brain and the way it operates.  

That said?  Without further ado--

Episode 2′s opening, though.  Maggie trapped with hungry Walkers converging?  It totally gives me Glenn under the dumpster vibes.  I don’t know if that was intentional or just happy coincidence but way to link Maggie to her dearly departed better half, show.  

Is it just me or has Father G had more OOMPH to him these last few seasons?  Again, I have to ask--Rosita’s influence or no?  Regardless, I bet Seth Gilliam is loving the job these days.  

Side note:  am I gonna have to go to bed early every Saturday night from now until the end just so I that I might be able to SEE?  Something?  Anything?  My curtains are flimsy-ass.  I admit it.  But this is more frustrating than TXF.  Angela, WTF?  

No, seriously.  It’s like complete guess work who’s in these subway scenes.  Some of that has to do with them being overly populated by redshirts and the rest of it has to do with me having to squint and turn sideways to make out their facial features. 

Look at Daryl busting through concrete walls!  Should I call him the Kool-Aid Man considering NR has once again allowed himself to be led right into a biased, shipper trap?  Hmm.  I might.  

Imagine seeking refuge in those dark, filthy subways.  Any second now I expect to hear the skittering of rats.  Will Dog lose his effing mind a la Divergence?  He’s been shown to go off half-cocked that way, lol.  Oh well.  Guess it’ll be in character if he does.  

Impressive graffiti storyboards.  Does it mean something that it immediately cuts to the Commonwealth storm troopers afterward?  Maybe.  Who really knows at this point?  They been trying to gaslight us forever.  

LOL at Princess yet again.  Yumiko is just like da fuq is this person?  

No, really.  LMAO.  “That was her.  From last night.  Did you see how she was looking at us?”  

Then you have Eugene, hahaha.  “Oh God.  Why did he tell off the big guy?”  Like the man is totally me in this type of situation.  Not even gonna lie.  

“That’s right.  We want to talk to the manager.”  

I literally cannot wait ‘til Carol and Daryl meet Princess.  Can.  Not.  Wait.  

How sad is that note on that $100 bill?  Small moment but it totally gives me Season 4 vibes when they were on their way to Terminus seeking sanctuary.  

Hmm.  Remember how that place wasn’t what they thought it was?  I’m sure neither is the Commonwealth.  But I feel like what’s left of Team Family is totally going to do Rick proud, lol, and prove they’re messing with the wrong people if they try something.  

Daryl, Man.  You gonna have to get a better handle on your headstrong Fur Son.  I wonder if Dog would listen better to his mama?  Things to ponder.  

Sounds like Miko has this group’s number.  Or does she?  

Princess and Eugene totally look like they’re waiting their turn for the Principal’s office, LOL.  

“Stop moving!  You’re taking my nerves over the edge to a proverbial 11 on a scale of 10.”  I feel you, Eugene.  I do.  Also you, Princess.  Two of the most relatable TWD characters right there, I’m telling you.  

Princess is me when I really, really, really have to pee.  TMI?  Sorry, lovelies.  LOL.  I just...she’s so relatable.  

LMAO.  “If that fine ass dude in the orange suit...”  Princess and Mercer incoming in 3-2-----

Princess’s excitement over the toilet paper=PRICELESS.  

Eugene, Man.  You desperately need to develop a poker face.  

There’s Daryl getting another cool camera shot.  Angela?  You playing favorites again?  

Carol’s claustrophobia could have never.  I bet that’s in the back of Pookie’s mind.  You can’t tell me it’s not because Carol lives in there rent-free.  

Ohhh.  Back to the subway car.  Looks like we got the Maggie redshirts leading the way.  First sacrificial “lambs”?  

Maggie pistol-whipping Negan was kinda deserved, but he wasn’t all wrong so.  

Damn.  I’m no Gage fan.  He can fuck all the way off for what he did to my baby Lydia.  But Maggie over there with ice in her veins.  

Yep.  I think the dude just got one of the most gruesome deaths in a while.  Yuck.  

I think Alden’s faith in Maggie definitely took several hits.  I feel like he kind of had her on some sort of pedestal dating back to Hilltop times.  Father G, though?  The man is continuing to show himself a SAVAGE MFer.  

Josh gives Eugene such believable tics and mannerisms.  He IS Eugene.  

Thank you, Maggie, for lighting that flare.  I could not see a damn thing.  

What are these bad memories Negan alludes to?  Hmm?  Him being a shit husband to Lucille back when he was still taking her for granted?  

Father G on Gage’s Walker--”All that is, is a shell of a man, who died a coward.”  Kind of ironic considering Father G’s own origins, huh?  Has he any warmth in there for anybody but Rosita and Coco?  Does he equate it with weakness?  

“There are worse ways.”  And Maggie proceeds to paint us a horror story with mere words.  

Dark Maggie really surpasses anything certain fans have ever accused Carol of being.  Is she too far gone?  Who the hell knows?  I think it’s clear that she and Carol are both on a sliding scale of sorts when it comes to being able to compartmentalize shit to survive.  Personally?  I feel like Maggie might have leap-frogged Carol in this episode but it matters none because of the double standards so deeply entrenched in this fandom.  Both women have endured and had to do some horrific things.  It’s not a contest.  But it’s probably going to be turned into a season-long one.  

It’s almost like Kang was like, “Ya’ll bitches think Carol’s dark?  I’ll show you DARK.  Check and mate.”  

Whatever the reasoning, Maggie just got exponentially more interesting to me if not likable.  And before anybody out there comes at me, it’s entirely possible to be on a character’s side in some things and not be all up their ass in love with them, lol.  Like I’m attached to her because she’s family and Glenn loved her.  There’s a loyalty there and she absolutely is justified in her hatred of Negan.  But I’m not going to pretend her shit don’t stink like everybody else’s.  

Speaking of my baby Glenn.  What would he think of this version of Maggie?  I think he would be gutted and heart stricken that events led to her being like this but he’d understand because he’s pure like that.  Don’t mean he’d be A-OK with it all.  

Dog must be protected at all costs.  

Confession.  I know not the fuck who Pony Boy is, but I know him because all my fandom friends have pointed him out to me, lol.  RIP, Man.  I think you’re number’s up or close to it.  

Okay, though.  I admit it.  I am kinda LOVING Badass Father G.  

That scene in the subway car with all of them working to take all the Walkers out was already badass.  Then Daryl arrived and made it, in @freefromthecocoon’s words, HAWT.  LOL.  

Eugene staring at that little black book like it contains torture tools, hehehe.  

“Processed?  As in administratively?  Processed as in bologna or other meat stuffs?  This inquiring (enquiring?) mind needs to know.”  OMG, Eugene.  I admit it.  Even if it makes me look like a lunatic, LOL.  I straight up LMAO at that one.  I mean, ten years later and Terminus still fresh on the man’s mind.  

“You like feeling nervous?”  Well, no.  None of us that do, Mercer?  Do.  

Then he proceeds to make me howl with his “You can’t lie for shit” to Eugene.  

Josh McDermitt?  I love you, Man.  40 year old virgin, LOL.  

All this talk over the seasons of Daryl’s virginity and we have Eugene, hahaha.  But was he telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?  

Finally.  Some daylight.  Where I can see.  

Eugene’s relief at seeing his friends safe and sound was such a beautiful thing to see.  I loved those hugs.  

Mercer’s face when he snarled “beat cop” in disdain to Ezekiel.  I think I’m gonna love this dude.  

“I went to West Point.  Asshole.”  Yeah.  I am.  

I know they probably catfishing Eugene right here because spoilers tell us that ain’t Stephanie.  But my heart still did a little d’aww.  Angela.  Don’t play with his poor heart like that.  

What’s got Daryl so pensive, huh?  Is it that the note reminds him of kids being lost or taken from their family? Or separated from their family?  Is he thinking of those Grimes babies and wondering if Michonne will ever make it back and why and how she was able to leave them behind?  Tell me it ain’t that Find Me nonsense.  

“This place sure has gone to shit since the last time I was here.”  LMAO, JDM.  I mean Negan.  Sorry.  Sorry.  I still hate Negan, but JDM has me entertained at least since they gave the asshole some shades of gray.  And speaking of shades of gray.  I’m loving the gray beard.  JDM’s looking GOOD (hear that NR?  Embrace the gray).  Negan can still kick rocks, lol.  

Anyway.  That scene was CREEPY AF.  Not even gonna lie.  

The Reapers strutting right on up to our group like it’s The Purge:  ZA.  

My bad, Pony Boy. Now RIP.  

Dark, dark episode with loads of tension broken up by some welcome humor by Princess.  The girl is fast becoming a fave of mine.  

My baby’s back next week!!!

I’m just going to plug my ears and pretend they’re trying to capture/recapture the horses because they’re pets.  Not because they’re starving so bad they feel the need to eat them.  La la la la la.  I can’t hear you.  

[thedragonemperess]

JATP Big Bang Fic

Title: A Job On The Other Side

Artist: @bowtiesareavenged

Cheerleader: @flynn-flynnagan

Art Link: Here!

Tag List: @angelwiththeblue-box @almightygrasshopper @strangeradventures @nyxie75 @beansisarat7 @tronagon @welcome-to-gaytown @jatpbigbang

Summary: An AU where Julie gets a job at the HGC instead of the boys losing their stamps. While Luke comes up with a break-out plan, Julie finds out that Caleb isn't what he makes himself out to be.

Warnings: Suicidal Thoughts and Soul Stealing

Ships: There's some light Juke, Willex, and Rayleb, but nothing strong enough that it should be tagged as such

Notes: This took a really big turn from what I originally wanted it to be but it came out pretty well in the end! And hey, it isn't half bad! I wrote the last, like, 3,000 words today because I didn't have time to finish it at any other time, so a lot of it is unedited. I'm sorry for that, but I hope you enjoy, anyway!

Luke walked up to Julie and looked her in the eye, a million emotions running through all four of them. The jolts were too much, they were fading completely. Playing the Orpheum, something that they had all worked so hard for, ended up not being their unfinished business.

“No music is worth making, Julie, if it’s without you.”

“If that’s the case, then maybe I’ve been going about this all wrong.”

Julie whipped around, Caleb now standing behind her.

“You. You were the one that did this to them!” she yelled, no longer caring about if anyone else heard.

“Yes, yes, I know, I’m evil. But I have…..an offer,” he stated, stepping closer to her.

Julie stood her ground, looking up to him in order to keep eye contact.

“If they won’t perform without you, why don’t you all join me?”

“....What do you mean?”

Alex pulled himself up and leaned back against the piano, clutching his stomach with his right hand. “Don’t listen to him, he’s trying to trick you.”

Caleb ignored him and went on. “You get an afterschool job at the Hollywood Ghost Club and perform with them. Julie and the Phantoms can still exist, you just perform at my club on the side. So what do you say?”

Julie looks back over her shoulders to look at the boys. Reggie was still on the floor, not able to gather enough energy to move, Alex was leaning back over the piano in pain, and Luke was swaying slightly, standing up. She looked back up to Caleb.

“So they won’t disappear?”

Caleb shook his head.

“And you won’t come after any of our friends and family?”

“If that’s what you wish for.”

Julie hesitated to do anything else, but nodded.

“Deal.”

Caleb stuck out his hand and tilted his head slightly. “Shake on it?”

“No!”

Julie turned around completely to face the boys and Caleb retracted his hand.

“He’ll use his stamp on you, too. That’s how he gave it to us.”

Julie looked back to Caleb and glared.

“You never said anything about not being able to use my stamp,” he acknowledged, shrugging.

“We’ll work something out some other time, but for now, can you just stop their jolts for good? Please?” she gestured to the boys, panic starting to drip into her voice.

Caleb rolled his eyes. “Fine.” He waved his hand and the boys’ jolts stopped, forcing them to stand up straight. As Julie ran over to them, Caleb vanished.

That was a month ago. Now Julie was walking down the busy street alone, holding a white pair of dress pants, dress shirt, and black blazer over her right arm and a pair of knee high, black, heeled boots in her left hand. Things had gotten busier, yes, but she could handle it. Flynn hasn’t stopped bothering her about this and keeps going on about how it was a stupid thing to do, but what was she supposed to do? If she didn’t make the deal with Caleb, the boys would have faded from existence, and she couldn’t live with that fact knowing that she could have stopped it.

The HGC was open 24 hours with different performances based on the day of the week and time. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays Julie and the boys would perform. Ray was a little confused on what this place even was, but after a quick explanation from the boys (specifically, Alex, because even though he may suck at lying, the others were way worse), he was fine with it. (“My friend’s uncle owns this incredibly exclusive club. It’s for really rich people only. He thought he would give our band a chance.”) He worried about her not having time for everything, but she assured him that it would be fine, and for the most part, they were. Things got a little hectic at times, but the boys and Flynn were able to help her through it.

Something that was great about working at the HGC was most of the other workers were performers, through and through. They all had different passions and talents. For every singer, there was a dancer, a magician, instrumentalist, acrobat, and more. Everyone was really welcoming, making it a really nice environment overall.

Caleb wasn’t half bad either. Yeah, he was a pretty terrible person, and she still hated him, but he was a good role model, all things considered. Or at least, that’s what she told herself. This entire situation could have been much better, should have been much better, but it wasn’t. Life didn’t go their way, but it was still better than it could have been. There were bright sides. The band’s popularity has grown exponentially, the boys can be made visible, Willie was freed (he still works at the HGC, though), and everything was looking up.

Julie looked around, making sure that no one was looking in her direction, before getting closer to the fence of the HGC. Just before the gate, there was a small opening. Reaching it, she ducked down, getting as low to ground as possible without getting her uniform dirty. Well, it wasn’t really a uniform, she was allowed to wear whatever she wanted as long as it was black and white. After getting through to the other side and brushing herself off, she looked around one more time. Finding that no one was watching, she turned to run to the back of the building.

The Hollywood Ghost Club was the most busy on weekends, so Julie had to try extra hard not to bump into or walk through anyone. The HGC was private property, and the events that went down there weren’t exactly scientifically possible (or legal). After she made it past the gates, multiple people appeared out of nowhere. There was something about the place that made anyone on the property, once inside the gate, became invisible to anyone outside of it, but it didn’t stop her from double checking, just in case. People wearing fancy dresses, some in colorful glitter, others in black and white, of all different fabrics, lengths, and shades. People in suits walked alongside the people in dresses, some more flamboyant than others. A lot of people here lacked creativity, which Julie had learned to decipher as other lifers. If the Hollywood Ghost Club has taught her anything, it’s to never be dull.

Lightly jogging, Julie swerved around the people, not wanting to figure out who was a ghost and who was a lifer. She looked down to the lavender, sparkly watch on her wrist, which read 4:55. Picking up her pace, she made her way backstage.

“Hey guys,” Julie waved to the others.

It was still early, so no one else was there. Luke was sitting on a small table that was supposed to be for props (the variety of performances in this place is insane). Reggie was laying down in a chair, his head hanging back over one of the arm rests while his feet hung over the other. Alex was sitting down the right way in a chair next to Reggie, messing with his drumsticks on his left arm rest. Willie sat across from him, his chair backwards so that his legs were around the back and his arms were crossed on top of the back, which he rested his head on.

“Hey, Julie!” Luke exclaimed, pushing himself off the table.

“Hey, Luke!” She looked around him to the others. “Hey, guys!”

“Hey, Julie,” they all said in unison.

“So, um,” Luke started, lowering his voice, “I have a new song I wanted you to look at. I only have the first verse down and I wanted some of your insight.”

Julie smiled up at him. He was bouncing, his eagerness clear on his face. He was almost like a puppy, with how much energy he had.

“Yeah, sure, I’d love to check it out, just let me change first.”

“Got it.”

Julie gave a small wave and then turned down a hall, looking for a bathroom. Luke watched her leave before heading back to his spot on the table.

“It’s terrible how she’s limited as to what she can wear. If she could wear anything, she’d be the best looking person in this place,” Luke commented, still looking forward.

“Hey, don’t let Caleb hear you say that,” Willie joked. “You don’t want to be jolted.”

“Nice try, Willie, but we can’t be jolted!” Reggie retaliated.

“Wait, why can’t you guys be jolted?”

“Because we don’t have stamps!!” Reggie exclaimed, oblivious.

“Wait, if you guys aren’t stamped, then how come you’re still here? Is Julie stamped?”

“Not that we know of…..” Alex trailed off.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“It has to do with the fact that none of our souls belong to Caleb! We don’t have to be here! We can just walk right out of here, and he can’t do anything to scare us into coming back!! He doesn’t have any real power over us!!”

“I mean, he kind of does, he’s our boss,” Reggie countered, oblivious.

“Really, Reg?” Alex asked in disbelief. “You can’t be that clueless.”

“What? Caleb is our boss! He’s in charge of us while we’re here! Sure, he can’t force us back here- ohhhh.” He paused in realization. “You guys are saying that we should just leave him.”

“Yes, Reg!! That is exactly what we’re saying!! Caleb doesn’t have any control over us anymore!! There’s nothing that he can do without the stamp to make us stay!! We can leave!!” Luke repeated, pushing himself off the table, again, in excitement.

“Uh, Luke, I get where you’re coming from, but there’s something that you’re forgetting,” Alex interjected.

“What is it?”

“He still has Willie.”

“Well, we can fix that! We just need to get to the bottom of what else can get rid of the stamps and use that to get rid of Willie’s!!”

“Maybe it’s true love,” Reggie offered, mindlessly.

“Reggie, this isn’t a Disney movie, a true love’s kiss won’t just fix everything.”

“I mean, it’s worth a shot if all else fails,” Willie defended with a laugh.

Alex took a double take. “Wait, what?”

“I mean, true love doesn’t have to be romantic, and you guys are kind of like brothers to me at this point. And an act of true love doesn’t necessarily have to be a kiss..”

“Oh. Oh. Okay, I just-- I thought you meant-- Because I was gonna say--”

Luke put a hand on Alex’s shoulder to stop him. “Dude, stop. You’re only embarrassing yourself.”

“Got it,” Alex responded, lowering his voice.

“But yeah, like Willie said. We can do this!! We might even be able to get rid of everyone else’s stamps as well!! We could overthrow Caleb!!”

“But some people genuinely like being here. Wouldn’t that be unfair to them?” Reggie pointed out.

Luke nodded and rolled his eyes. “Okay, maybe not overthrow him, but anyone that wants to would be able to escape him!! We could give them hope!!”

“But doesn’t he know where Julie lives? Couldn’t he take Carlos, or Victoria and use them as leverage?” Willie offered.

“Or Ray!! He could use Ray as well,” Reggie quickly added.

“Come on, guys!! They’re the Molinas!! They’d be damned if they let some old ghost with a glitter addiction beat them!! You’ve seen what Carlos and Tia have in store in the case of a ghost!! And they’ve learned from us!! Not to mention, Ray wouldn’t let anything happen to his family, even if it was the last thing he did!! And we got the Riders on our sides!! Maybe even the Wilsons and Danforth-Evans as well, if push comes to shove!! Caleb doesn’t stand a chance!!”

The three of them nodded. The Molinas and their friends were a force to be reckoned with. If you dared to mess with one of them, chances are you’d end up regretting it. Even an otherworldly being like Caleb would be in for a bad time.

“See? There’s nothing realistically stopping us from leaving!!”

He glanced behind him at the table before jumping on it with a loud thud, startling the others to their feet.

“I say we revolt and start a revolution!! Stand in our own power!! Sing our own songs!! Write our own lyrics--”

“Don’t we already do that?” Reggie asked, cutting him off.

“It’s symbolism, Reg,” Luke informed him before getting back to his speech.

“As I was saying, we need to step into our greatness and stick it to the man!! Now, WHOSE WITH ME!!!”

“WE ARE!!”

“No, you are not!!”

.

Julie walked down the hall, on the way to a bathroom she could change in. Sure, she could just use one of the countless dressing rooms there are in this place, but the extra privacy that she was given in the bathroom was comforting to her. In such a busy place, it was nice to be alone with her thoughts. Especially before a performance, when she needed it most. The further she strayed from backstage, the fewer people she passed, and the fainter the noise of the people in the club became. It was like a scene in a movie, she thought, where the dialogue and background noise slowly disappeared to be replaced by the next song in the soundtrack.

It was fun to think of life like a movie sometimes. Or a musical. Breaking out into song while doing a regular task, or being a bit too over dramatic about a dropped ice cube mixed things up. It made things more fun. Thinking of a conversation-cut-short as a cliffhanger or the always dreaded next day of school as the next episode. Setting an alarm to one of her favorite songs to make it her theme song. Random moments of dead silence like the credits. It was weird, in hindsight, but she made it work. It became so natural that it wasn’t strange. Then again, nothing in her life was exactly normal. Julie laughed at the thought. The word normal has basically lost its meaning. She’s in a ghost band, working for an evil ghost, at his magical jazz club. At this point, she wouldn’t be surprised if she woke up in the morning and found out she could fly.

Julie was completely lost in thought, now walking around the building aimlessly. She was humming a random tune to herself, no specific song in mind. This place was like a maze, so easy to get lost in, and forget about telling the time. She was just going over her conversation with Flynn at lunch (who is still not very happy about the whole Caleb thing) when she heard someone speaking from another room. It was unusual, to say the least. She snapped out of her mindless state enough to figure out which room the talking was coming from, and get closer to it. After finding the door, which was left ajar, she leaned in to listen.

Was this smart? No, absolutely not. She should be going on with the band any minute, or at least, that’s how it seems, but that was in the very back of her mind right now. At the moment, she was focused on what that voice was talking about.

The voice sounded stressed, panicked, even. But it also sounded familiar. She couldn’t put her finger on it. She tried to lean in closer, opening the door slightly more.

“I can’t keep doing this with them. They’re too smart for me to trick! They’re performances have lured many ghosts out here. Many naive, young ones. Isn’t that enough?!”

“No, Covington! I need their souls!! That girl--”

“Julie.”

“Is too powerful. And she’s getting stronger. And the boys are getting too....too....too reckless. I can’t wait much longer, Covington.”

Caleb! That’s who the voice belonged to! But wait. Who was the other person? And why were they speaking to him like that?

“I need more time!”

“Well, you don’t have more time. Get the girl and her friends, or else you’ll be in the same position they just got out of.”

“Wait--!!”

Before Caleb could say anything else, the owner of the other voice disappeared, making him slam his fist down on a hard surface.

“God damn it!!” Caleb yelled to noone, before flopping down in a chair.

Julie could hear him mumbling, but couldn’t make out the words, so she tried leaning in further, opening the door wider, if ever so slightly. With all of her weight on the door, she ended up pushing too far, causing the door to swing open and for her to stumble into the room. Unable to find her balance, she fell forward landing on her hands and knees.

Caleb barely gave her a glance, his head buried in his hands.

“Hey, Julie,” he acknowledged her, his voice muffled.

Julie looked up at him, pushing herself to her knees and then standing up. She brushed herself off before taking a look around the room. The floor was a gray carpet that looked far too clean to be anything other than something out of a commercial. The walls were a lighter shade of gray, almost completely empty. In the middle of the right wall, there was a fireplace with a flat screen tv above it. It made her wonder if it was fake or if she had somehow made it to the top floor while lost in dreamland. In the middle of the room, there was a black marble and glass coffee table. Around it, there were a pair of velvet, ocean blue hairs and loveseats. To the right of her, there was a minibar. The countertop looked to be made of black marble as well, with barstools in front of it. Above the cabinets was a white and metallic blue clock O.n the other side of the room, a giant glass window stood between her and a balcony that looked like it could fit 50.

“Uhh, hey, Caleb,” she responded, her voice raising at the end. “Um, what was going on in here?”

“It was nothing, just my boss getting to me.”

“Your boss?”

“Yes, my boss. Things right now are....complicated.”

Julie walked over to the loveseat diagonal of where Caleb was seated and sat down.

“What happened?”

Caleb looked over at her through his fingers for a moment, trying to figure out whether or not he should tell her. He sighed, moving his arm to his armrest, his hand now laying on the side of his face, holding him up.

“He wants you and your friends’ souls, but most importantly yours. You guys are all pretty powerful, but you are......something else. He keeps berating me with questions and requests and demands and updates and you guys keep outsmarting me and if I don’t follow through with this, I’ll be put back in the black room, or have intense, continuous jolts, or worse. It’s not like I don’t deserve it, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that I don’t want it to happen,” Caleb explained, looking in Julie’s direction but seemingly staring off into space. He let his guard down, anxiety creeping into his voice.

Julie didn’t know how to answer at first. Caleb had been a jerk to her and her friends, but has given her quite a few opportunities here at the club that she wouldn’t have had otherwise. But how much of a price really is selling your soul? Is it like in the movies, or does it follow a certain religion? Where would she even go after death? And what about the others?

But Caleb looked so.....scared. He was never like this. He always had a cool, overdramatic, posh, demeanor. Seeing him like this was like looking at a completely different person. And, as much as she hates to admit it, she’s started to like him during the time she’s spent at the Hollywood Ghost Club. Yeah, he’s evil, but he wasn’t so bad. And now he might not even be evil?

“I’m sorry, Caleb. But I don’t.....I don’t want to give up my soul. I want to be able to crossover and see my mom again when I die.”

“I know, that’s the problem. If I can’t convince or trick you into giving me your soul, then I’ll fade from existence and he’ll take matters into his own hands.”

Julie sighed. No one should be in this situation.

“We’ll find a way to figure this out. I promise,” Julie reassured Caleb, nodding her head. She looked him over for a second, thinking her next move through.

“Eh, what the hell?” she thought to herself, before enwrapping Caleb in a hug.

Caleb tensed, looking down at her and holding his arms out at his sides. Slowly, he wrapped his arms around her in return, giving her a small pat on the back.

“Thank you.”

Julie retracted, reaching up to push a few stray strands of hair out her face.

“It’s no problem. I mean, it all adds up. It is kind of weird how most of the people here aren’t scared of you. I mean, don’t hate you? Wait, no. That’s not what I-- I don’t--” Julie started to panic, but relaxed when Caleb shook his head and waved his hand, brushing it off.

Caleb glanced at the clock above the bar while he did so, checking the time.

“We’re gonna be late for the opening. I’ll teleport out, you change here, and get back to the stage as soon as you’re done,” Caleb ordered, getting ready to leave.

“Wait!”

Caleb stared at her, expectantly.

“I, uh, I don’t know how I got here. Or my way back,” Julie explained, shyly, holding her left arm.

Caleb sighed, nodding.

“I’ll go wait outside. When you’re done, we’ll walk back together.”

Julie smiled, quickly separating her clothes as she picked out what to put on first.

“Thank you! I promise this won’t happen again.”

Caleb gave a small smile, quickly hiding it and heading out the room, giving Julie privacy.

Talking about this made him feel lighter. Weirdly, lighter. Of course, he shouldn’t be talking about this with a 16 year old. Especially not the 16 year old that he’s been specifically ordered to steal a soul from. Even then, just talking about it briefly had helped. It felt like a curse had been lifted, ironically.

Caleb lean’t against the wall, closing the door as he stepped to the side.

That girl had too much hope. He had known from the moment he made the deal with that man he was doomed. Sometimes you have to go through with something to realize how bad of a mistake it was, and this was one of those times. He was doomed. The moment they had become entangled with the club they had written their fate, too. They might have been able to outsmart him, but there was no way they would be able to outsmart nor outpower him. At least, not yet. Julie still needed training, and there wasn’t enough time for him to teach her how. Yet, here he was, thinking that maybe he could figure this mess out. Maybe they could all get out of this.

The door opening made him stand up straight.

“I’m ready.”

Caleb nodded, silently and started walking back to the club, leaving Julie to fall into step next to him.

.

“No, you are not!” Julie yelled, grabbing the others’ attention.

The boys looked at Julie, startled by her sudden entrance and confused by her objection.

Luke gave her a saddened look. Julie nodded her head towards Caleb, who was standing behind her. Luke ‘ohed’ silently, looking away.

“Do I dare ask what’s going on?”

“That depends on how much you heard,” Reggie replied, who had shied away, behind Alex’s chair.

“Only the end. Something about ‘sticking it to the man.’ I’d be careful about that, by the way. I do still have some leverage over you guys.”

Julie rolled her eyes while the others glared at him.

“Now, get ready. You guys go on in five minutes.”

With that, Caleb walked out onstage, putting on a cheery voice.

“Sorry about that! We’ve been running a bit behind schedule, tonight. I see some glazed eyes out here tonight,” he threw his cane to his other hand and the music started, “Let’s see if we can change that.”

As his speech blended into song, they had stopped listening.

“Wait, so that means you’re with us, right? And you were just saying no because he was there?” Luke asked, still standing on the table.

“No? Look, something happened. Caleb isn’t that bad? It’s hard to explain. I’ll have to tell you guys later. But for now, we’ve gotta get ready to go on.”

The boys looked at each other with a mixture of confusion and worry. What had happened to their Julie that made her side with Caleb all of the sudden?

.

The door to Caleb’s office slammed shut. Caleb froze. His time was up. The light dimmed and the room went cold. This was really it. He had put it off for so long, finding ways around it and surviving (if you could really call what he was doing ‘surviving’). But now it is finally gonna end. He deserved it, didn’t he? He should have stayed dead the first time; he didn’t deserve to live. Then he was given a second chance. He could have made things better; help others instead of himself! But look at where he ended up; doing the exact same thing as he was doing before: Hurting others for the sake of himself.

“Where are their souls, Covington?” his boss asked, raspily.

Caleb took a deep breath, standing up straight. He tried to sound confident, but his failure was evident at his shaking.

“I don’t have them.”

The man appeared in front of him, eyes glowing white. You couldn’t really say he was appearing as a man, though. He appeared to be a black cloud, making up a silhouette of a man. In place of his eyes were two glowing, piercing, white dots that seemed to be staring into his soul. At least, if he still had one.

“How. Come?” the figure asked, his voice booming.

Caleb gulped. “The girl - Julie - outsmarted me.”

The figure let out a deep, maniacal laugh. It bounced off the walls, surrounding Caleb. He backed into the door, fear now clearly showing on his face.

“I’ve given you a lot of time for this, Caleb. I’m afraid,” the figure lifted up a part of his shadow, appearing to be his arm, “I can’t afford to give you anymore.”

The figure stepped closer, shooting his arm out in front of him and into Caleb’s chest. Caleb curled into a ball against the door, turning sideways, trying to save as much time for himself as possible. When nothing happened, he looked back down at himself, confused as to what had changed. He looked over to the ghostly figure across from him, who seemed just as confused as he was.

“WHY ISN’T THIS WORKING?!?” he yelled out of frustration.

He tried again. Caleb flinched, but it was for nothing when nothing changed once again. The figure glared daggers at him, causing Caleb to shake even more. The figure lifted up his arm to himself, closing his fist suddenly and tightly. A realization came upon him.

“You no longer have your stamp.”

Caleb looked down at his wrist, pushing up his sleeve. Sure enough, the glowing outline of the stamp that would usually appear when prompted didn’t appear. He pulled down his sleeve quickly, hiding his wrist. He looked back up at his boss, who had stepped closer.

“Fine. There are other ways to take you out. More fun ones,” he stated, deepening his voice, moving closer to him, ever so slowly.

Before Caleb could get away, he grabbed him, teleporting them both away.

.

“Hey, have any of you guys seen Caleb?” Julie asked the others, who were relaxing backstage.

“Why does it matter? This place is better without him, anyway,” Alex asked, laying down on a couch, his head in Willie’s laugh, twirling his drumsticks.

“He hasn’t been here all week. I’m getting worried.”

“Why worry? He sucks,” Luke asked, not looking up from his song book.

“Yes but….he doesn’t? I think something bad might have happened to him.”

“What did he do to you that you care about him all of the sudden?” Luke looked up, shaking his head.

Julie took a deep breath before relaying her and Caleb’s conversation. She shouldn’t be worrying herself over what was probably nothing, but it wouldn’t hurt to ask around. And she couldn’t hide this from her boys forever, so this was a good opportunity to confess.

“What? Come on, Julie, he’s gotta be lying! He’s trying to trick you into giving him your soul!” Luke exclaimed, getting up from his seat and walking up to Julie.

“Yes, maybe, but he seemed genuinely scared, and--”

“Julie, he’s an actor! He’s lying! There’s no way--”

“I saw him. I saw his boss there, too. The conversation only happened after he had disappeared,” Julie blurted out, stopping Luke from continuing.

.

Willie, Reggie, and Julie pushed open the door, trying their best to ignore the noise being made behind them. Inside the room was Caleb, sitting in a corner, leaning against the wall. Julie and Reggie rushed over to him, while Willie stayed at the door.

“Caleb! Are you okay?” Julie asked, kneeling down in front of him.

Caleb lolled his head, looking in the duo’s direction, not being able to completely focus on either of them. There were no physical signs of injury, seeing as he was a ghost, but it was clear that he was hurt.

“What--” he sucked his teeth, wincing, “are you guys doing here?”

“Getting you out of here! The others are fighting off your boss right now. He is not a nice guy. He puts you to shame, really,” Reggie explained quickly.

“Come on, help me get him up,” Julie told Reggie.

The two of them lifted his arms and helped him stand up, although he was basically being dragged due to the major height difference between them all.

“How…..how are you able to touch me?”

“I’ve learned quite a bit since you’ve disappeared. Now come on, we’ve gotta get you out of here and finish dealing with your boss.”

.

They had finished him off. Whether he had crossed over or simply didn’t exist anymore, they didn’t know, but he was definitely gone. The Hollywood Ghost Club still stood, although it was now empty. A handful of ghosts stayed behind; some wanted to take care of it until it was performance ready again, while others didn’t want to leave what had grown to be their home behind. Those who wanted to leave, left. No one blamed them; that place held as many bad memories as it did good, if not more.

Julie and Flynn were explaining the situation she had been in to Ray, Carlos, and Victoria. Caleb was here for the time being, so the boys could become both solid and visible to the others. At first they had thought that was an idea better saved for another time, but Reggie was bouncing at the thought of being seen, and Alex had wanted to talk to Victoria for a while now, so they had decided that once Caleb cleaned up a bit, however he was gonna do that, they would meet each other, officially.

“......Julie, are you doing okay? Do you need to start seeing Dr. Turner, again?” Ray asked, stepping closer to her.

“No, Dad! She’s telling the truth! These ghosts really do exist! I have the proof!” Carlos defended Julie, stepping forward and in front of her.

“I thought the same thing at first, but these ghosts are real! They’re really nice, too!! You’d love them,” Flynn stated, nodding.

Ray looked around at everyone. When he landed on Victoria, she shrugged.

“I don’t know what to believe! All I know is that this house is haunted, and if they’re all saying they know the ghosts, maybe they’re telling the truth?”

Ray sighed, crossed his arms, and smiled. “I guess, if you’re telling the truth, it won’t be so bad. I mean, they brought music back into your life, I’d be crazy to kick them out.”

Julie grinned, running over to give him a hug. “Thanks, Papi!”

Then, she ran over to the stairs, and called up to them. One by one, the four boys descended the stairs, lining up at the bottom.

“Dad, Tia, this is Luke, Reggie, Alex, Willie, and-- Where’s Caleb?” Julie asked, cutting herself off.

“To hell if we know!” Luke exclaimed, ignoring the others staring at him.

“He’s gotta be here, somewhere. I mean, we wouldn’t be visible, if he wasn’t, right?” Reggie pointed out.

Just then, Caleb appeared in front of them with a puff of purple smoke. He was wearing his classic purple suit, save for the jacket.

“There you are! You may have not been the one behind everything, but you’re still on thin ice. You can’t just do that!” Julie reprimanded him.

Caleb rolled his eyes, nodding. “Yes, yes, I’m very sorry. Now, would you mind telling me who hot stuff over here is?”

Julie glanced at where Caleb was looking, and quickly looked back at him. “You mean my dad?!”

Caleb ignored her, walking up to Ray. “Hi, do you know how much a polar bear weighs?”

“No…??” Ray answered, confused.

“Enough to break the ice; I’m Caleb,” he said quickly, sticking out his hand.

Ray absentmindedly took it. “Ray…”

“Do you mind if we take a picture? To prove that angels really exist, of course.”

“I--”

“No! No, no, no. No. You can come over whenever you want and help mend your relationships with this family, but flirting with my dad is OFF LIMITS, you got that?” Julie ordered, rushing to stand in between them.

“Yes, yes, whatever you say, Julie,” Caleb replied, winking at Ray before walking away.

As everyone started chattering and getting to know each other, Flynn and Julie talked about the situation.

“Do you think this is a good idea? For them to be visible?”

“Absolutely not. But they’re happy, and that makes it all worth it.”

Flynn nodded, turning her head to look at Julie. “You know this is gonna cause a lot of trouble, right?”

“Yeah, but we’ll handle it together. Right?” Julie asked, turning her head to face Flynn in return, raising her first.

“Right.”

Flynn fist bumped her in return.

“Double Trouble back at it again!”

“That is not our band name!”

“It doesn’t have to be our band name! It just has to be our name!”

Julie cracked a grin.

“Alright.”

“Yesss! Now I don’t need to trash the new t-shirt design!” Flynn celebrated, clenching both her hands into fists.

Julie laughed. It was definitely gonna be a mess, but it will all be worth it as long as her family is beside her.

[foxy-exy]

Strange Engagement - Kevaaron

Prompt from here 09. we’re strangers who meet at a bar, get drunk, and wake up to announcements of our new engagement all over our social media - what did we do???

cw: alcohol use, blacking out, vomit mention, the vaguest suggestions of sexual content — also take note that sexual content happens while both of them are drunk, fyi

Finished this finally for a late bday present for @starsandgutters !!

Aaron does not get blackout drunk. Well, not anymore. It’s a rule he’s set for himself.

But damn if his recent breakup with Katelyn, who was supposed to be the love of his life, hasn’t hit him hard. And fuck if this man that took up residence next to him at the bar two hours ago isn’t infuriating enough to have Aaron’s pride on the fucking line here.

“You can’t take another,” snorts the asshole. Keegan. No, Kelvin. No…

“Fuck you, Kevin,” slurs Aaron, and feels the world spin a little, but the name is right. That’s right. Kevin Day. Some kind of sports guy, Aaron thinks he’s seen him on TV sometime or another. But that doesn’t mean shit for his ability to out-drink Aaron.

Aaron can so take another shot.

“Prove it,” Kevin sneers, and Aaron growls.

Aaron smacks the bar top, and the bartender, Roland, skeptically eyes them both, but Aaron’s a regular and they’re old friends, so Aaron merely has to glare back and gesture impatiently for Roland to slide another shot his way.

Aaron downs it without pause, and there’s laughter, hooting, from onlookers he didn’t know he had. He swallows against the burn and flicks a glance to more strangers, grinning and nodding at him, flashing thumbs up and pumping fists. He manages a jerky nod before spinning back to Kevin, swaying slightly. “I did it. Can you, big shot?”

Not the wittiest one liner he’s ever delivered, especially with all his syllables melding together as his mouth refuses to work with him, but Kevin also seems slightly off-balance as he turns to Roland, nodding for his next round.

“I absolutely should cut you both off before you start brawling,” sighs Roland, pouring another shot. “You’re lucky I’m an enabler.”

“Three more,” blurts Aaron, as Kevin gulps down his tiny glass. “Unless you can’t handle it.”

“You’re tiny, you’re the one who should be worried,” spits Kevin, though it’s hoarse through the alcohol.

“Oh my god,” Roland says, as he pours the shots and shoves them in front of them both, walking away with his hands up. “I’m done with you both for tonight.”

“Bet you you’ll still tap out before me,” Aaron says challengingly, narrowing his eyes up at Kevin, watching the too-tall man narrow his own green eyes back, the lights of the club catching on the tiny number 2 tattoo on his cheekbone, the tendrils of black hair springing free from his quiff. Aaron blinks away his wandering gaze, realizing Kevin is lifting another shot to his lips, and reaches to do the same, the fire of competition spurring him on.

The trickles of light and sound filter through warm, hazy drunkenness. Aaron is wrapped up in something skin-hot and sweat-sticky, hair between his fingers and another pair of lips melded to his and he cannot think, the wall unyielding at his back and the floor unreachable as his legs wrap around hips.

“Fuck,” mumbles a male voice, into his mouth, and Aaron hums in agreement, lazily tightening his hold and letting a hand fall down the back of his makeout partner, digging his fingernails into a crisp shirt and scratching.

The man — Aaron lets his eyes flutter open as the pair of them part for a moment of breath — Kevin, Kevin Day, shudders against him at the rough treatment and lets his head fall to where Aaron’s shoulder meets his neck, mouthing at the skin there, and Aaron responds with his own shiver.

He falls back into Kevin’s lips with a tug at his hair to drag him back up, and Aaron blacks back out at the kiss.

“We should get married.”

“That’s so stupid, that’s a terrible idea. Just because you’re hot doesn’t mean —”

“But you’re getting over your ex too. You know what would stick it to our exes? Getting fucking engaged.”

“You’re out of it, I can’t get publicly engaged to a man. I’d get os — ostra — I’d get bad press.”

“Fuck that, who cares. Buy me a ring, asshole, you’re rich.”

“Fuck, fine. Fine, I will, if you do that again.”

“Shit, Kevin.”

Aaron’s head pounds a terrible rhythm, and he thinks perhaps he attempted to drink sand last night. There’s no other way his mouth and throat would be this awful, gritty texture.

The nausea that hits a moment later threatens to bring up whatever he had last swallowed, and he spills out of bed to stumble-sprint to the toilet.

When he finally hobbles back to the bedroom with the speed of an especially slow zombie, he stops dead when he finds the form of another person burrowed into his pillow.

Kevin Day groans when Aaron pulls the pillow away from him, shielding his eyes from the bedroom light, and squints up at him like he, too, is not sure how he got there.

“A-Aaron?” he finally ventures.

“Congrats, you remember my fucking name. Get out of my bed.”

Kevin does not, in fact, get out of his bed, simply blinks down at his own shirtlessness, lifts the sheet to apparently check on whether he is wearing pants. (Aaron is suspiciously only in his boxers, and he suspects Kevin is too.) “What happened last night?”

“Guess I was stupid and lonely enough to bring you back to my apartment, for some reason.” Aaron rolls his eyes. Why he allowed himself to reach that drunken point in the first place is beyond him. He can’t remember the last time he allowed himself to actually check another man out, let alone…

He realizes suddenly that the terribly shrill ringing he’s heard several times now is his phone, muffled underneath fabric somewhere on the floor of his room. Someone’s calling him.

It takes him several minutes to find the source of the noise, but the mystery caller keeps redialing when the call drops. When Aaron recovers his phone, it’s with an awful sinking feeling that he sees TWIN MENACE blinking across the screen.

Andrew does not call him for no reason.

“Hello?” he mumbles into the phone, and there is an awful silence for a minute on Andrew’s end.

“Care to tell me, oh brother mine, what exactly happened that made you post what you did on Facebook last night?”

Aaron’s stomach drops yet lower. He feels dizzy. “What?”

“Nicky’s been calling you, and when you didn’t pick up, he started calling me. What the fuck did you do?”

“W-what did I do?” Aaron stabs the speakerphone button to pull his phone from his ear and navigate to Facebook. His notifications are blowing up, all over a photo he definitely doesn’t remember posting.

It takes a moment to load when he opens it, and the sound he makes when it does makes Kevin wince and cover his ears.

Kevin and Aaron are very deeply and disgustingly making out, and Aaron is holding a middle finger up to the camera. His left middle finger. And below that middle finger, a ring sits on his finger.

An engagement ring. That is still on his ring finger when Aaron looks down at it.

The caption reads, fuck y’all we’re getting married.

“You fucking proposed to me?” he yells at Kevin, who had been squinting one open eye at him, leaning forward to listen.

Kevin falls out of bed in a tangle of long limbs, with his own squawk. “What?”

“I have an engagement ring. I posted that we’re getting married. Oh my god.”

“Dumbass,” is barely audible from the phone speaker, and then the call disconnects.

“Wait,” Kevin mumbles, rubbing his head and trying to navigate sheets that are still wrapped around him. “Wait, no. You proposed to me. You started this. I know that much. I thought it was a bad idea.”

“Obviously not enough to not get me a ring.”

“Quiet,” Kevin pleads.

“What were we thinking?” Aaron tugs on his hair. He’s not sure how it took him so long to notice the ring’s presence in the first place, it feels unbearably heavy on his finger now.

“You wanted to get back at your ex. And mine. We both were upset about our breakups,” Kevin reasons out slowly, eyes fixing on nothing as he appears to search his memory. “We had a drinking competition, and then, we started dancing, and then venting about our exes, and then we started…making out. It gets pretty fuzzy, but. You said we should get married, I didn’t think so. But you, uh. Convinced me.”

“How do I delete this? Fuck.” The exponentially growing number of comments of absolutely everyone he knows on the Facebook post blurs in front of his eyes.

Whoa, that’s a surprise. Happy for you!

Who’s the fiancé???

Didn’t realize you were with this guy now. Congrats on the engagement!

 Classmates, coworkers, distant family, and…

Aaron, what the fuck.

“Shitshitshitshit.”

Aaron throws the phone in a knee-jerk reaction, his brain narrowing to the tiny profile picture on the screen. Katelyn.

Kevin catches the phone in the same instinctive way, eyes wide as he stares at Aaron.

“She knows. She knows.”

“Who?”

“My ex, my… Katelyn. She saw. She’ll never take me back now. God, she thinks we’re…”

“Did you think she was going to?” Kevin asks incredulously. Like he fucking knows anything about Aaron and Katelyn’s relationship.

“She could have realized! That we were good! That she missed me! She could have —” Aaron’s throat closes over, and he realizes with horror that he is probably about to cry.

“Aaron.” Kevin still looks sickly pale, maybe a little green around the edges, but he nonetheless kind of crawls across Aaron’s bedroom floor to sit in front of him. Now that he’s extricated himself from the sheets, Aaron can see that he is indeed only wearing a very small pair of boxer-briefs. “She wasn’t going to. You were complaining about how your relationship had been, towards the end. It’s good you broke up.”

Aaron swallows back a lump in his throat and blinks away burning, shoving his fist into Kevin’s chest. “Shut up.”

Kevin looks down and takes Aaron’s fist in his own hands, uncurling it and contemplating the ring he’d apparently bought last night as he plays with Aaron’s fingers absently. “I miss my ex too. But she wasn’t good for me. We weren’t… it wasn’t very healthy, how we got together. And we didn’t know how to be healthy once we got out of that situation either.”

“Now look at us,” Aaron huffs sarcastically. “Oh-so-healthily drunk engaged.”

Kevin’s lips twitching into a involuntary smile is unexpectedly attractive, and the dark eyebrow he raises pulls a snort from Aaron that morphs into a giggle, and then Kevin snickers, and then they’re both laughing and staring at this fucking ridiculous ring that’s caused way too much trouble.

“It’s gaudy,” Aaron announces, when they’ve laughed themselves out. “You have no taste.”

“It’s expensive,” Kevin protests, immediately up in arms. “Look at how many diamonds there are.”

“Oh, of course you’d think bigger is better,” Aaron snarks, and Kevin glares at him, and Aaron shoves him back, raising his own eyebrows, but he can’t drop the grin curling across his face.

“You weren’t complaining last night,” Kevin returns, but before Aaron can toss one more flirty line thinly veiled as an insult back at him, another ringtone sounds from across the room.

Kevin turns toward the sound too fast and groans, hand lifting to his mouth queasily as he picks his way over to his own pants to fish out his phone. It cuts off just as he reaches it, but Kevin blinks down at his own screen, looking a little too off-balance.

“What’s wrong?” Aaron asks.

“I think I… I think I posted something too. Christ.”

“Oh, so it’s all fine and good by you that I posted something, but when you’re the one making a fool of yourself, you think —”

“I could lose my contract.”

Aaron blinks. “Right. Playing…”

Kevin looks scandalized. “Exy? Do you not even know?”

“Forgive me for not knowing every detail of my fiancé’s life when I met you last night and forgot more than I remember of our encounter.”

Kevin appears slightly dead inside, face lit by countless popups his eyes flick through on screen. “My team manager has been texting me. If I lose my spot, I’m —”

 Aaron steps closer to peer at the texts, too. “Can they do that? That shouldn’t be allowed.”

Kevin turns a glazed gaze on him. “Exy is everything to me.”

Aaron feels a pang at the look, feels inexplicably compelled to fix it. “Well… we’re not even actually getting married, so it doesn’t matter, right? Just tell them that. Who cares?”

“It may be too late,” Kevin says in a terrible, numb voice, and Aaron is suddenly very deeply determined that it will not be too late to save his poor, sports-obsessed, asshole sort-of-fake fiancé’s career or so help him God.

“Give me that.”

“What are you doing?” Kevin asks helplessly as Aaron clicks through the frantic texts from Manager to the contact information.

“Setting the record straight,” Aaron says firmly, and hits the call button.

You can find more AFTG fics on my AO3, ihaveacleverfandomurl, linked in my bio!

[thegreenwolf]

(This post was originally posted on my blog at https://thegreenwolf.com/its-okay-to-not-hustle/)

There’s this meme going around Facebook right now, saying “If you don’t come out of this quarantine with a new skill, your side hustle started, or more knowledge, you never lacked time. You lacked discipline.” Thankfully multiple people have already skewered it, but it continues to be shared around by the sort of person who is trying to one-up everyone else, or who’s just plain clueless–or, for that matter, just trying to guilt you into buying whatever they’re selling.

Now, there’s not a damned thing wrong with self-promotion. That’s how indie artists, authors, and other self-employed folks get the word out. You have to be able to talk good talk in order to get people’s attention. But leading with this meme? Guilting people for not leaping from sudden unemployment straight into the thick of the ever-shifting gig economy? That ain’t gonna fly, Brocephus.

You Have Good Reasons to Slack

Excuse me while I dust off my counseling psych degree a sec, here. *ahem* We are in a very sensitive, turbulent time right now. We’re in the middle of a pandemic, the likes of which hasn’t been seen in a century in the Western world. We are in a hugely traumatizing situation here. Not just for the financial losses, but the fact that COVID-19 has killed thousands of people and left many more with permanent lung damage. We still haven’t gotten a handle yet on exactly how contagious this thing is, how long you’re contagious for, or whether you’re immune once you’ve had it, assuming you survive. We don’t have adequate testing, emergency rooms estimate that for every positive test there are 10-20 people out there infected and untested, and everyone with a cough is suddenly Schroedinger’s COVID case. Governments worldwide are slow to react in spite of the rising death toll. People have had friends and family die horribly from this thing in a short period of time. Even people who didn’t already have issues with anxiety, depression and other mental illnesses are feeling stressed, strained and scared–and, yes, traumatized. This image is guilt-tripping people who are actively being traumatized.

So we’re already starting with a populace that is dealing with this collective trauma, as well as whatever personal trauma each individual is experiencing. Not always easy to seize the day when you’re going through that. And I can think of a few other reasons that might further complicate this whole “Just get a side gig!” thing:

–They’re a parent who suddenly has all their kids at home, all the time, demanding time and attention and food, AND they still have to work eight hours a day from home, or maybe even more if their S.O. is unemployed/sick/etc. By the way, if someone trots out Isaac Newton or William Shakespeare or some other historical guy who managed to do epic things during a pandemic, remember that they usually had wives or servants to do all the laundry and cooking and cleaning and (if applicable) childcare for them.

–They’re disabled or chronically ill, and don’t have the ability/energy/etc. to just go and make something happen, just like that. Imagine if you just randomly got the fatigue from a really bad flu, and you never knew whether it was going to last a day or a month. And if you tried exerting yourself when you were feeling better, chances are you’d slip back into fatigue-land. That’s what a lot of my chronically ill/etc. friends have to deal with, to say nothing of issues with accessibility of resources for starting a side gig.

–They don’t have any money for the supplies needed to start a side hustle, or the supplies have been hoarded by hobbyists preparing for a Pandemic Staycation.

–They don’t have the skills for something that just requires what they already have (like, for example, writing on a laptop you already happen to own). Often these skills are things that can’t be perfected in a few weeks at home, but may take years to develop before they’re really marketable–like, for example, the skill to make a decent living on side hustles.

–They have anxiety, depression or other mental health conditions that make it hard to function even in the best of times, but even moreso in this…well…mess. Even people who were mentally healthy before are going to be developing diagnosable anxiety and depression disorders before all’s said and done. And speaking from personal experience, those of us who look successful on the outside can still be internally hamstrung by these conditions at times.

–Plus there’s the fact that we’re not supposed to, you know, leave our homes, which narrows down the field of potential side gigs by a lot.

Even doing something less financially-wrought like learning a new skill or subject takes time, energy, and sometimes money, any or all of which may be scarce for the reasons above and more.

Comparison is the Thief of Joy

I am saying all of this as someone who is arguably an expert on the side gig. I have spent the past eight and a half years 100% self-employed (and a lot longer doing it part-time) as an author and artist, able to cover all my bills and expenses, and for a time I was the primary breadwinner of a multi-person household. I have like ten different things I was doing for a living before this all hit, a pretty diverse set of streams of income, even if most of them just up and evaporated in the past few weeks. And while I’m definitely a hell of a lot leaner now than I was a month ago, I still have my head above water for the moment. So I think I know side gigs.

I’m one of the lucky ones. I’m overall healthy. I have a dog who is a lot less demanding of my time than kids would be. I have my own space where I can focus more or less without interruption. More importantly, I have the skills, the knowhow, the drive and the personality to go out and seek new opportunities. And I’m used to fluctuations in income, though admittedly this one’s unprecedented. Don’t gauge yourself by where I am now. I’ve spent twenty-two years building up my art business, my first book came out in 2006, and I’ve had a series of really good opportunities come my way that I had the privilege to be able to make the most of. I am not your measuring stick, so don’t say “Well, if she can do it why can’t I? I must suck!”

If you’re feeling crappy because you aren’t hopping to it and carpeing the diem and getting everything done, here’s what I have to say to you: Look, you just had your world turned upside-down. Job loss, scarce commodities, sudden lack of outside childcare, restricted movement and inability to be around much of your support system, and did I mention a pandemic is happening, too? Any single one of those things would be difficult for just about anyone to deal with, never mind all at once. And I don’t even know what all else has already been going on in your life–unstable or unsafe living situation, other health issues, breakups and other losses, interpersonal conflicts. You know, normal life stuff.

You’re Not Lazy, or Screwing Up, or (Gods Forbid) Undisciplined

It is totally okay if all you’re doing right now is surviving. It’s okay if you feel like you’re drowning, overwhelmed by all that’s happening both on a global level and more personally. It’s okay if all you can manage right now is to get out of bed and stumble through each day a moment at a time, struggling with a tidal wave of emotions. It’s okay if you’re just trying to keep your kids busy, dealing with a crowded home every single day, or trying to keep COVID-19 at bay. It’s okay if, instead of firing up DuoLingo or opening an Etsy shop, you spend your evenings vegging to Netflix or reading a book or playing hours and hours of Animal Crossing.

Not every moment in your life has to be about being productive even in the best of circumstances, and that goes exponentially so right now. Be patient with yourself, and be kind. You may be one of those folks who literally has to spend all their time scrabbling to try to cover the bills or get some leeway from bill collectors, and you have to dedicate your waking time hunting for resources just to try to get through this week. Believe me, I feel for you, I have a lot of friends in that situation right now, and I hope all of you can find some relief and assistance.

May I suggest something? If you have the energy for something more than the bare essentials of getting by, put that energy toward self-care, whatever you can manage under the circumstances. You can use it to recuperate, to rebuild your emotional and physical resilience. That way if things get rough again in the future, you have more internal reserves to build on. If your usual methods don’t work or aren’t accessible due to lockdown, ask others what they’re doing to keep themselves grounded in this trying time.

Just because you have more time doesn’t mean you don’t have to throw yourself right into something productive! Don’t feel pressured to just go-go-go the moment you have a little freedom to move. If you do decide you want to try a side gig, or a new skill, or learn all about some specialized topic of interest, go for it! If you have the energy and attention and opportunity to pursue something new, it can be a great coping skill during this traumatic time. Just don’t pressure yourself; keep it fun.

One last thing: I want you to save the image I have at the top of this post. And then if you see someone post that meme, saying “Come on, you lazy bums, get up and make that side gig happen! Learn new stuff! Do all the things! No excuses!” you pull out this version, and you look at the edits, you remember that it’s okay to be where you are, and you get back to doing things at your own pace no matter what someone else says. (I find visualizing stapling a printout of the edited version to the offender’s forehead to also be therapeutic, but that may just be me.)

Hang in there, okay? It’s going to be a rough time, but you’re not alone, and what you’re feeling right now is shared by so many people. So just let yourself be where you are in this moment, and we’ll see what hope tomorrow brings. And remember that whatever you’re capable of in this moment: it’s enough.

Did you enjoy this post? Please consider supporting my work on Patreon, buying my books here on my website, buying my art and books on Etsy, or tipping me at Ko-fi!

[cottage-babe]

Bolin x pro-bender!Reader

Masterlist

here... take this bolin headcannon... just take it

i feel like there’s not nearly enough bolin stuff and since i’m almost finished w LOK, i guess ill aid this deficiency :)

also, i just started Book 3, so if theres some things that aren’t right or something, ignore it 

___

Bolin HC (during Book 1/Book 2)

so you guys met at (you guessed it) a pro-bending match

you were an Earthbender for the Ba Sing Se Badgermoles, a widely known team because you guys represented such a big city and you guys were actually kinda good

the Badgermoles were constantly interviewed, put on the covers of magazines, and bombarded by fans. The people loved you and your team

and so the day came where the Badgermoles were put up against the Fire Ferrets

you had heard about this team a lot; how they lost a member of the team, then the Avatar, actual master of the elements, filled in that empty space

it honestly took you so long to process

anyways, your team didn’t get the chance to meet the Fire Ferrets before the match; you just threw on all of your gear and made your way to the play area

you saw the Ferrets and instantly saw Avatar Korra, the only girl on the team

honestly, you couldnt see her well, but she was so pretty

anyways

the battle started and the Badgermoles got the advantage pretty quick

you took out their firebender and was working on the earthbender while the rest of team handled the Avatar

the earthbender put up a huge fight, it was so impressive

he even knocked you back a zone, but you recovered and, with a streak of luck, knocked him straight out of the field

you guys won that round

the next round didn’t go so well

the fire ferrets managed to knock all three of you guys off the platform, resulting in a win and a knock out

this meant that the entire match went to the Fire Ferrets

the other members on your team were annoyed and angry, but you weren’t phased too much

after all, Ba Sing Se treated you all extremely nicely, whether you win or not

so after the game, your team found themselves walking through the Fire Ferret’s locker room so you could leave

after your team mates walked past, you stayed behind and talked to one of the Ferrets, the Earthbender

“Hey, you were really good out there.”

you took off your helmet, just like in the movies, and he swore time slowed

he just stood there, completely frozen with his mouth agape

you raised an eyebrow at his antics and it wasn’t until Avatar Korra slapped him on the back that he came back to

“You- good- were good, uh im- im Bolin.”

you just laughed at Bolin and smiled 

“My names Y/n”

you walked up close to him, noses inches apart

“And next time, we won’t lose.”

he just gulped and nodded him head

you turned and walked out, laughing quietly to yourself

the interaction boosted your mood up exponentially

anyways timeskip to when their looking for the airbenders

you were just chilling in Ba Sing Se in the upper ring

you and your team were given super nice houses since you were the city’s pride and joys

then suddenly, you see Bolin and his brother walking around calling for someone

“Bolin? is that you?”

that boy turned around so fast

he blushed so brightly when he saw you and kinda looked at his brother for help

“well, well, what are the Fire Ferrets doing in my city? you know.. i’ve been dying for a rematch!”

you were only joking of course

you knew that their team had broken up after the year you met Bolin

not that you were keeping tabs on their team

of course

“yeah not right now, we’re looking for someone” his brother said

“oh? need some help?”

it took some time to convince Mako, the brother, but eventually you annoyed him enough to let you join

you were all walking through the upper ring looking for some kid named Kai, but you weren’t really paying attention

you maybe, kinda, might only be there so you could hang out with Bolin

from what you had heard (once again, you definitely weren’t searching for info), Bolin was an outgoing, loud guy

now he was quieter than a mouse

“So, i heard you were making movers now. What, getting tired of being a Pro-Bender?”

“Huh? No. I still play! I’m just doing this until the season starts...”

you were visibly happier after hearing that

you had thought that acting was going to be his permanent thing from now on

but still one thing plagued your mind

“And whats that princess girlfriend of yours gonna think about it? Ginger, I think her name was.”

Spirits you had done wayyyy too much research on this man

to be fair, you didn’t think you’d see him ever again

he blushed and stuttered out something about how they weren’t really dating, how it was a publicity stunt, blah blah

you weren’t really paying attention because after hearing his availability, you decided that today was the day you were gonna make a move on him

if it fails, then you don’t really have much to worry about; he lives in an entirely different city and you would only have to see him once a year

but if it succeeds; ohohohoh you’d finally get to live out your crush

the pros really outweighed the cons right now

so you guys searched for Kai for a while more

you decided that you were going to make some subtle hints toward Bolin

you let your hand brush against his a couple times, but never really looked up to see his reaction

then, you guys found Kai

he was stealing some old guy’s money by... airbending? why does this day just keep getting weirder?

so you guys chase him down an the streets and eventually follow him onto a train

unfortunately, he tricks you and sends you guys all the way to the lower ring 

you used to live here when you were younger, before you became a Pro-Bender, and it wasn’t a nice place

only now, it seemed to have gotten worse

all of you tried to find a way to get on a train back to the upper ring, but none of you had your passports or any money

if only you hadn’t left your house in such a hurry

you even tried to pull the “im a Pro-Bender!” card, but it didnt work

so you guys stayed on the streets for the day

Bolin was really trying to lighten the situation up, but it wasn’t really working 

“C’mon guys! Korra will realize that we’re gone and then come rescue us! I know it!”

she did not come

eventually, they had to find a place to sleep and no where was letting the stay for free

so they found a place in an alley and slept on the floor

yup, the dirty floor

you were not used to this

you almost wanted to stay up for the whole night to avoid sleeping on the ground, but Bolin assured her that it wasn’t as bad as it seemed

it was

“mmm here! you can use my jacket.”

he took off his jacket and laied it out on the floor neatly before gesturing for you to lay there

you hesitated for a second before sitting, not really putting up much of a fight because of how tired you were

Mako was already asleep somewhere across the alley and Bolin began gathering up some papers to use as blanket

then he found a spot somewhere away from you and started to settle down

“hey Bolin? do you maybe wanna share the jacket?”

he looked up so quickly and even the soft light from the lamp post caught his blush

“uhh sure”

and so he came over and laid halfway on the jacket so that you could take up most of it

he even offered you some of his picked up trash to use as a blanket, but you grimaced at the grossness and shook your head

you turned away from him, not wanting to be too overwhelmed by his proximity, so you didn’t notice that Bolin was staring at you

before you could completely fall asleep, a cool breeze burst threw the alley way and you began to shiver

maybe you should’ve accepted his paper

“hey Y/n you awake?”

since you were currently bouncing between consciousness, you decided not to answer

you feel him scoot closer

“okay please dont be mad at me when you wake up”

then you felt his arm cover your cold skin and warm you instantly

Spirits, he should be a firebender with how warm he was

you scooted back to meet his chest and let him envelope you

you fell asleep so quick

both of you woke up to Mako above you speaking loudly

“hey lovebirds, wake up”

since you already know of the position you were in, you didn’t really jump back with the surprise that Bolin had

“S-Sorry Y/n! You just looked so cold last night that I-” 

“its fine Bolin” you smiled at him “and thank you”

spirits he was so cute

and so you guys went on with the day, thinking about stealing food, then meeting their long lost family

it was such a nice reunion

they talked a bit about their family history, but since you felt out of place, you settled for playing with the babies on the floor

you bended little toys out of rocks and watched as some tried the same

it was so cute

meanwhile, Bolin was having a little dilemma

he and Mako had just finished having a heartfelt conversation with his Grandma and now he walks out here to see you playing with little babies and laughing with them

you were just so cute

“you know she likes you too right?”

“huh?! what- staring? im not staring.”

Mako just sighed because wow his baby brother is so dumb

“just talk to her before we leave Ba Sing Se”

and so they got their passports and left to the Upper Ring

you were so excited to go back home and sleep in a real bed

but you had one more thing to do before all of that

“So uh Bolin”

“So uh Y/n”

you guys spoke at the same time

“Oh! you can go first”

once again at the same time

“listen Y/n, I think you’re really pretty and super strong, like you could beat me up if you wanted to and i think thats really cool.” *cue your confused stare* “um anyways what I meant to say was, I think I’m about to fight the queen of Ba Sing Se and if I make it out alive, do you think we could hang out? like just us two?”

you decided to ignore some parts of what he said because umm you can only handle so many things at once

you settled for kissing his cheek and confessing too

you went back home so excited

even tho your crush was about to commit treason <3

aww the two of you are so cute I can’t