#so maybe uhhh another time
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this was supposed to be just a doodle erm
#my art#marble hornets#jay merrick#skully mh#i also spent like an extra hour+ with some weird...effect shit#and then ended up not liking it LMAO#it made it look uhhh idk#bad#anyways clenches jay in my fists so tight his head pops off like a toy#this didnt turn out exactly how i envisioned#i think i ended up in a tug of war of do i want weird bright glitchy shit#or really dark and grungy creepy shit#so it ended up in a weird middle ground#but whatever i spent too long on it im done LOOKING AT IT#maybe ill attempt my ~vision~ another time
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Come back home when you have some sense
You can throw your life away just not at my expense
You’re not the son I raised
#jhariah#this one just rawrrfrrr#and then uh another line thats like ‘tell me did you raise a man?’#nice#im just listening to the new album to cope with nasty sickness and feeling out of it#god this album is really good it has every emotion in there like this song for example just the part where they scream the chorus its like#hnnnghhh#hm some other moments from the album im liking a lot uhhh i love re: concerns a lot#the part where hes like reading off the complaints and then the part where hes just screaming and its like BAM BAM BAM BAAAM#sasuke is so good and the bit at the end where its like ‘i just want you to know im so so...’#like hes gonna say sorry but cant seem to say the word for whatever reason and i know nothing about sasuke#but i has to imagine the fan girlies are eating gravel over that one lol it gets me#and theres just that like spooky echoing afterwards#the intro to fire4fun goes SOOOOOOOO hard i was losing my shit its awesome#the entirety of trust ceremony is giving me big feelings but specifically that part towards the end where its all quiet and you hear#its like whistling i think? like a marching band is coming in maybe#but it also kinda sounds like nature too and idk i like got a little bit um magical at that part cuz i was driving down a big hill#and it had been raining but there was a clearing in the clouds and the sun was bright and like at this particular hill#you can just see everything like the land stretches for miles theres trees hills the river farms all that shit#and idk with the extreme stress and depression ive been feeling its hard to have these moments where life seems worth it#and its hard to really feel anything anymore or to feel in the moment but idk i was just going down that hill seeing everything and it was#very majestic so yeah that song is definitely gonna have the same effect as pin eye for me#which i must mention pin eye again its still OOOOGHH very good it came at a pretty good time for me#yeah basically this album is uhhhh whats keeping me somewhat grounded rn i recommend 👍
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#one from slightly further away under the cut so you can actually see the rest of their beak. but i thought the closer one was funnier#starly#this is another one of those “default early route birds” to me. though i think this is one of my faves just because of the feather patterns#the design is pretty. if i saw a bird in real life that looked like this i would think it's pretty. and i've always liked the sounds it does#i dunno maybe it's nostalgia talking bc gen 4 was the game i played a lot as a kid despite gen 6 being my favorite gen#but i don't even remember what the early-route bird *is* for gen 6. off the top of my head. at this moment. i don't even know#i can try to list them all in order#kanto‚ pidgey; johto……… uuuuhhhh……………… fffuck i'm already having a rough time. gen 3 is taillow. i know that. gen 4 starly‚ gen 5 the uhhh#bitch that evolves into unfezant i don't remember their name. gen 6 who fucking knows‚ gen 7 who fucking knows#okay wow i just googled a list i didn't even think of half of these as early route birds. pidgey‚ spearow‚ wingull?? i dunno#taillow feels more like an early route bird to me. starly‚#PIDOVE that's their name‚ fletchling which i LOVE but i always just remember the fucking pidgey you always encounter first#pikipek whatever i didn't play gen 7 very much‚ rookidee i remembered evolves into corviknight and then i knew wattrel. bc i was like#wow it's an electric-type! i probably look like a total fake pokémon knower right now and well uh#i am. not. a fake pokémon knower. i'm a pokémaster i promise this just isn't a category of pokémon i think about very often
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Tuvok at the Temple and B’Elanna at the Monastery
#kids who get sent away to reconnect with their culture and maybe help their mental health issues v_v#the monastery uniform B'Elanna's wearing has no color because I imagine Klingons wearing their family's color in battle#Maosu make a deep purring noise ...Tlhaq are very intelligent and friendly with Klingons (very good for children) but are aggressive with#one another...luckily by the time they're adults they're rather large and prefer to stay in one familiar area rather than wandering around#Maosu are very dumb v_v hehehe they're uhhh not smart. But they're often used in therapeutic areas because they ARE so docile and only#really want to cuddle sleep and eat.#B'Elanna Torres#Tuvok#Tuvok art#B'Elanna art#st voyager#a beautiful day to make up some stuff <3#st voyager art#OH! Tlhaq are only aggressive to other Tlhaq OUTSIDE of their pack...so if you raise several of them together they'll consider themselves#a pack and family and won't fight...Klingons admire this!
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Hmm
One of the handrails just fell off the wall...
#bean talks too much#it was always kinda loose but I think the guy who put in the new internet cable might have made it worse with all the stapling?#but it's completely come off with some chunks of the wall so uhhh#I gotta report another thing and maybe they will get back to me soon#but I am not hopeful bc they still haven't fixed the huge crack in the wall that's been here for 8 years and I reported it several times#this place is sometimes - often times - a nightmare#it was only supposed to be temporary but I'm still here#vent tag#just for comfort
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i figured out how to use the printers on my campus itz so over (has ability to print blorbo pictures for wall)
#lem text#i needed to test it so i could print my digital stuff for critique and oooo they’re so NICE and the colors r super accurate >:>!!! <33#I FEEL LIKE A FOOL BECAUSE I COULD NOT FIGURE IT OUT AND I ASKED SOME OF THE YOUNGER STAFF NEARBY IF THEY KNEW HOW TO DO IT#AND THEY WERE LIKE ‘uhhh it should be easy. the one on this floor is a little wonky though so maybe try another?’ AND I WAS LIKE OKK!!!#BUT TH E OTHERS WERE THE EXACT SAME SO I GAVE UP READY TO PLEAD FOR FORGIVENESS FROM MY PROFESSOR#AND THEN I WENT BACK LATER WITH A CLASSMATE WHO ALSO NEEDED TO USE IT FOR THE FIRST TIME AND IT WAS JUST ON TGE CORRECT SCREEN SUDDENLY!!!!#so NOW i know how to do it. and i have infinite power. i just had to make a fool of myself for one second fnwkndkwjd#they were like ‘what specifically do you not know how to use in it?’ and i was like UHH . EVERYTHING…? AGHFKNWKZW#it was also funny because the Moment i miraculously got my first print another classmate walked up and was like-#‘cos do you know how to use the printers?’ like Heh. I Sure Do B) HFNKDNF <33
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finally got the binding of isaac like a billion years late lmao
i wasn't really feeling it much at first, like it's fun but Very Confusing, and then i realized "ohh, this is a game where you may need to have 2000 wiki tabs open to really understand. like terraria. i get it now!" and NOW i'm getting into it properly lol
#ghost town... 2!#the binding of isaac#also shoutout to this guide app that lets you scan an item to find it and see what it does#WAY better than scrolling through 2 obscenely long wiki pages looking for “uhhh vague pale blob thing”#anyways this one definitely hasn't overtaken my whole brain like dead cells has but i'm having a good time!#also also i've learned through the analog stick drop that apparently i'm not much better at aiming in this type of game with a mouse lol#so maybe i should give gungeon another try. another roguelike i tried before i understood what a roguelike was#...and to circle back around to me comparing isaac to terraria:#kinda funny that terraria (pretty much the exact opposite of a roguelike) was in a way my introduction to really loving roguelikes#entirely because they announced the dead cells crossover and then i saw dead cells in the playstation plus thing#and went “oh hey i know that from the terraria update that's getting the silksong treatment right now. let me download that quick”#and it irreversibly changed my brain forever!!! (in a good way!!!)
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It Is So Fucking Expensive To Live Out Here
#the housemate who brought up us paying more of the rent is coming home today and i am quite frankly.#a little terrified.#i cant pay any more than i already do. at least not until i get another job#which. made email contact with my potential caseworker yesterday and she will hopefully be calling me soon#kiiinda hoping i can get help with a rental voucher of some kind#i like living out here but Christ.#anyway. it's not like this housemate can actually make me (or my roommate) pay any more than we do#we have everything in writing i'm pretty sure#i need to double check#but he can probably make me miserable#so that's fun !#like we split rent by size of room#so the single room [redacted] and i share is uhhh. $975 or so#but we each pay half that because we share the room#the other two housemates pay $725 and $675 for their rooms#Christ just typing those is awful#like we could *maybe* pay $500 each for our room. $1000 for a shared bedroom.#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#^ having An Time#love being Insane. its so fun how it makes it extremely difficult to have a job.#i miss washing dishes :(
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Feeling that weird ambivalence between gender angst and gender love again, so I guess that means I'm almost back to normal
#covid leave my body now pleeeeeaaase#i feel totally lucid and normal just stuffy. i'm still testing positive and kind of gross so i'm still isolating.#you know what though. i have the mightiest need to go to a disco. maybe for NYE.#yet another reason i love living in a big city -- disco parties !!!!!!!!!!!#i missed my support group last week because of covid and i'm SO SAD i hope i can go tomorrow#bc i need to talk to some folks about the possibility of starting hrt without telling family ahaha...#because uhhh. that sure is a decision. can pretty much count on my mother being genuinely pissed and hurt.#not because of the hrt but because i didn't tell her.#but like.......................... her behaviour in the past is exactly what's making me want to go through with this without telling famil#burn me once etc#anyway i'm just listening to abba gold for the millionth billionth time and having a great time
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I LOVE THIS SO MUCH FOR YOU!!!
At first it was money (fuck knows my parents would never buy me anything like that and it would be. A bit of a coin toss if they’d allow it even now given mum’s “oh so you’re a punk then???” On the few pieces I have picked up that make me happy :) like the old II jacket and the TOG tour jacket and some other things)
And now it’s both prioritizing other things (both money and time to build wise) and sensory issues. I’ve built. Mostly a closet of comfort by now. And yeah, sometimes textures I’m ok with are unpredictably just. Intolerable sometimes. But for the most part I’m. Okay with it.
I’m wistful.
But i can sometimes incorporate new things (while i do not search it specifically if its meant to be i shall one day encounter a denim or leather jacket to customize :)) and that makes me super happy when i can! (Im excited for the Hesta halter to arrive at some point!) and then most of the time im either in my work uniform or essentially PJs 🤷🏻
Like i ADORE having dangly stuff and chains. But. Practically: it’s a nightmare to have too much stuff hanging off me. I prefer stuffing my pockets tbh.
#✨#fashion#belts are a nightmare i despise them even though I love them aesthetically#if i *chose* the clicky clacking studs I’d probably be ok with it but also it might be overstimulating#i LOVE tails and chains so much it breaks my heart I can’t really wear the ones I have bc of how much I hate it and how inconvenient it is#and how hard it is to clean after :(#but hey#I’m young and have lots of time to figure out what exactly works for me#comfy cozy with occasional fun patterns or designs is my current thing maybe?#bc my lesbian mermaids shirt is one of my favourite things ever! (same for my lemon shirts but I think I need bigger ones :()#and I LOVE my long skirts and long waist/vest and checkerboard pants and shorts!#I really love my almost cargo shorts! (and they make my butt look nice too!)#I love my black zippered pants SO MUCH (I haven’t been able to find another pair like them though :()#and though I adore the aesthetic my hesta butthugger jeans are maybe… I’m just perhaps too short for where the waist falls and stuff :(#but standing they’re great#I just wish they were comfier to move around in bc the waist falls down and then they sit weird as I move#and the waist needs to cinch in tighter?? idk. I love the lace up at the back though.#I contain multitudes I love so many styles#but uh. comfy.#skirts and hoodies a lot bc once I’m out of work pants I usually don’t want to find another clean pair of pants but will totally put a skirt#uhhh#shatters rambles#(shatters needs to go the fuck go sleep)
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biggest lesson learned this week is how much of a nightmare and an inevitability it must be to be defined by a horrific ending to your life
#and how often it happens?#personal#and the cruelty both to the person and the ones who love them#who watch it happen and have to fight those memories taking precedence over everything else#another big lesson is uhhhh#something something having your autonomy ripped from you and being forced to watch something horrific uhhhh#but then also technically having the power to make a different choice but being trapped in your own head like#you've always been so feeling like you dont have a choice but you actually do but also havent you always#but then also the choice you have is not the choice that affects the situation because you've never had that power#it's the one WITHIN that choice that dictates how it will affect you and harm the real decision maker who you also love#makes it uhhh different for you than the people who actively make THAT choice ?#who go through it with you but idk it's just different. like we act like we're all together but are we though#but also that holding onto resentment about it feels shitty because you understand their pov even if they didnt care about yours/believe yo#and life is so fleeting so what if you do something out of anger or injustice or pain you regret forever ?#like do you stay and support and receive comfort or run and protect yourself for the next time#which may not even come#yeah ok no lesson there yet but it feels like maybe there has to be. i'll keep working at it.
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done studying for the day, need to work on ko-fi projects but my attention and desire keeps reorienting to wanting to port the horrible ffxiv ttrpg sheets to roll20 (which i can't even do bc you need a pro subscription to make custom sheets, so this is Pointless Ruminating)
seriously though, these sheets are... something.
this is such a clusterfuck lmao... And Yet i really wanna make a vtt sheet for it bc i can't afford my xiv sub rn either, and being able to rp with friends and do Some of the game things in my precious little downtime would be nice
(and yes, we can technically do that without sheets, but. heem heem whimper i wanna use them for conflict resolution and enemy stat blocks, and also referring directly to the in-game abilities is fun for me idk idc)
#also. nobody else has done it yet. probably bc it's stupid and a huge pain in the ass. not that that scares me lol#stirring up trouble#maybe folks are waiting until they've come out with more than.....5 classes? out of the possible uhhh *counts* 22???#but i'm confident i can improvise since they have the base down for each archetype basically. got a tank. got a healer.#got ranged dps now. already had melee dps and magic dps. gonna casually ignore BLU lmao#and like. i do actually have a physical copy of the ttrpg in hand. so i could port all the monster stats and stuff to vtt easily...#though that might just be me setting myself up for squeenix to come batter me to death for game piracy or whatever lol#alas i really don't have the time for another big project rn anyroad. even though i Really Want To Do This. *flails*
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bonking my head against desk.mp4
I wasted time on something unimportant and that I didn't even care about again!!!!! I'm gonna Lose It!!!!
#neocells#AAAAA#It's so embarrassing like how did I even fixate on something like that!!!!#I mean it was an ''organize something'' ''put something together'' and ''match things''#so of course I did#but the thing itself was not even worth it#esp not at night#esp not when it's a bad dress up feature#esp not when it somehow took up to two hours#it was so unexpected too like it was rlly supposed to be just throw something together. it was BITMOJI. on SNAPCHAT#THIS ROUTE HAPPENED BECAUSE I REMOVED BITMOJI AND PUT IT BACK. BECAUSE IT DOESN'T LET U HAVE A NORMAL PFP#I feel insane dude#I am in disbelief#like surely I read the timestamps wrong from when I last messaged the person I was talking to. surely#I thought it was 30 min to an hour at best#really ignored said person and my cat (in my attempt to Escape and finish because I could tell I was losing time awareness)#because I get paranoid if I pause and go back I'll get caught up in it again and waste even more time!! yet in turn#that makes me waste more time anyways!!!!#now my cat is taking a nap nearby.#I was going to give her attention and she gave up!! because I pushed her away in my desperate attempt to get the dress up thing over with!!#not to mention I was tense the whole time- I thought I was ''about to get up'' and not uhhh sitting here for an hour plus#I know at least... 5-10 minutes was just messing with the filters since I hadn't been on snapchat in ages so I was curious#maybe another 10 trying to figure out if the pfp can be a normal one. though there is a separate profile where u can? for some reason?#so I was being indecisive abt the pfp and background for that#even though idk if that matters either like who even sees that. how does that work#and that still leaves all the rest of that time wasted#unless the profile setting stuff was more than I thought too..... who knows at this point#could've wrote all that in the post but was already doing it here. I'm not abt to attempt to put it in the post instead
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thanks for the tag @kyuoki! <3
I feel the need to explain that I'm the kind of person who rarely ever listens to music per album (unless maybe when a new one has just released), usually it's either "complete discography playlist" or "one to three particular songs on constant repeat", there's no in-between😂 That's why I also have a hard time deciding on a favourite album, because I tend to have some songs I really enjoy as well as some songs that don't interest me as much in almost all of them. But I think these are some that I especially like :)
No tags this time (partly bc I just straight up forgot them when clicking on "post"💀 and I'm not sure if the tagged people would be notified if I add them in later), but feel free to continue :)
#I'm not sure if any of these fit actually fit my vibe lmao#I like loud music but I don't feel like that's the first thing ppl would guess since I'm more of a shy and soft person otherwise#also this was actually not easy to decide I was this🤏 close to just whip out an excel sheet and calculate what should be my fav album#percentage-wise based on how many songs in each I consider fav songs (or something like that)#these statistics would be so useless but now I'm actually curious and want to do it lmao. maybe another time tho#like for Sabaton I had such a hard time deciding between TGW and The Art of War#TAoW is kinda special to me bc some of my earliest fav songs were from it + I associate it with one of my fav fictional characters <3#but number-wise TGW has more songs that I like to listen on repeat#also for choice 5 I was sitting there like 'uhhh what music do I actually know' bc I wanted to add one more different artist#I haven't listened to Raubtier in months actually but I still like them a lot😭 I just forget about them occasionally help#I barely understand a word they say but their melodies are bangers (and for me personally that's usually the more important thing anyway)#Hans Zimmer gets a pass for being included twice bc I'd say the soundtracks are different enough though#poll#sabaton#powerwolf#raubtier#hans zimmer#music
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"weave a basket or have some children, whatever it is you humans do"
EXCUSE ME SIR
how dare u compare the two!! that is an insult to basket weaving!
#playing through another vn that i avoided because being called she at the time was upsetting#as shitty as this guy's attitude is. i already love him he is a bastard and i want to punch him but like with my mouth#he's very pretty#i hope he is a romance option. if this vn even has romance options?? i didnt check#sigh.....#i do wish i knew how to weave baskets tho baskets are so pretty#also if it wasnt obvious i am feeling very mentally gooey because i am bleeding. so much. somuch.#it's only the first day idek how im gonna be conscious by day 4#im so tired already lmao#uhhh#delete later maybe
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1 Cassius 👀
What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?
Not that long, actually? It kinda depends on if he's in a daydream-y mood or not . He can sit there for hours if he's spaced-out enough........... but if he's, like, THERE? No more than 5 minutes max. Then he starts doing random (inoffensive and mindless) things like flipping through books or cleaning the area he's in until he's gotta do something proper...................................
#5 minutes is a generous estimate anyway !!!!!!!!#mans got [fidgety] . .. .#ikea customer service#anon#cassius mode#its why he started learning music actually#when he was like 10 and got mauled by the dog he couldnt walk for a long time#so his brother was like 'ok please stop complaining here's stuff to do' and gave him like. a guitar#and whatnot. so he learned guitar#then he learned violin#and then uhhh another instrument .the only really important ones are guitar and violin#so now he's got this amazing music intuition cos he spent like a good maybe 9 years just kinda studying music#though a lot of it after a point was him . like. going out of his way to study it soooo . lol#anyway ermmmmm#the caviar .
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