#so maybe start by uplifting people at the bottom

[nataliescatorccioapologist]

What I think each Yellowjackets character’s Letterboxd top 4 would be

*I’m including movies past the 90s even though some of these characters didn’t live long enough to see them*

Natalie

I think Nat is a huge horror movie fan (specifically 80s slasher and demonic possession) and loves edgy gothic vibes. I also think she would love some artsy indie movies about sex and challenging gender roles (and just some cool action movies with hot badass women).

Honorable mentions go to The Craft and Kill Bill

Misty

We all know Misty is a theater kid. She loves musicals and I think girlie is definitely singing Sweeney Todd and Phantom of the Opera songs to herself 24/7. And I feel like I don’t even need to explain the Steel Magnolias inclusion, she had that monologue memorized like it was imprinted on her soul.

Honorable mentions go to Hairspray and Hamilton

Jackie

I know Jackie loves a good chick flick, particularly those with homoerotic subtexts. I think, if she had gotten to live long enough to start coming to terms with her sexuality, But I’m a Cheerleader would definitely be her gay awakening. And then Bottoms once she’s tip-toed out of the closet a little bit more (RIP Jackie Taylor you would have LOVED Bottoms). And of course, I had to add Beaches because of the “Are you quoting Beaches at me right now?” line, and also because I think Jackie would watch it and shed a secret tear because it makes her think of her and Shauna.

Honorable mentions go to Uptown Girls and Heathers

Van

Van would definitely refuse to watch anything past the 90s. She loves comedy classics and queer staples. I know Van quotes The Godfather in the full Italian accent constantly (especially around Nat to piss her off) and she’s watched The Princess Bride an ungodly amount of times and knows pretty much every line (Buttercup was her queer awakening).

Shauna

Like Jackie, Shauna love movies about intense (homoerotic) friendships. I know she relates to Needy in Jennifer’s Body living in Jennifer’s (Jackie’s) shadow and resenting her for it but also being so obsessed and intertwined with her; and she also just loves the visuals and its satire on female exploitation. Shauna maybe relates to and roots for Pearl a little too much, she loves a movie about a woman desperate for recognition and teetering on the edge of insanity while maintaining a sweet and innocent facade. Also I can see adult Shauna in particular just being charmed by Little Women (partly because of the love triangle but mostly because of the womanhood and female friendship themes).

Honorable mentions go to Juno and Scream

Also side note: I feel like Shauna would love Daria, but it’s a TV show so I didn’t include it.

Laura Lee

Laura Lee loves uplifting and wholesome movies. I can see her shamelessly liking kid’s movies well into adulthood. She likes movies centered around helping people in need like The Rescuers or going through hardship and discovering faith like Soul Surfer. Girl is religious-religious so her favorites are definitely going to be centered around faith and Christianity. But she also just likes a simple feel-good film; the cheesiest, sappiest movies you can imagine.

Lottie

Okay Lottie was hard to pinpoint but I’m pretty sure she would like angsty, artsy shit. Like, in high school, she would pretend to love chick flicks like the rest of her classmates but when she gets home she’s putting on the darkest and most depressing weird girl movie you’ve ever seen. I think she likes Suspiria for the occult themes, the otherworldly feeling of it, and eccentricities of the main character who never knows what’s real and what’s not, which she relates to. I think she likes some mental illness movies like Donnie Darko because of her diagnosis and upbringing and The Virgin Suicides because she’s lonely and feels overly-controlled by her parents. And Amelie because she once again relates to the loneliness and likes that the main character discovers her gift for helping people. I think Lottie would prioritize good cinematography and visuals in movies, too.

I don’t think Lottie would really watch movies as an adult because she would be too busy running a cult and disconnecting from society, which is why these picks are centered around Teen Lottie.

-

I couldn’t think of what Tai would like! She is a mystery to me. I can see her maybe liking something like Whiplash because she is super driven and ambitious and kind of tortures herself for success? But idk. Please comment or repost with what you think her’s would be!

[jazjelspen]

leaving on wild charted waters [pt.2]

(what if our mc just got tired of Night Raven College and it's inhabitants?)

(what if our mc meets a boy of red hair and blue eyes to show them the way around RSA?)

(also please read the small authors notes at the bottom if you make it that far T-T)

it's been a good short hours on the ship and this whole time you've been chatting up a storm with your new friend Rielle, and during this time you've both actually warmed up and learned a handful about each other! 

you learned about each other's basic favorite things like colors, food, subjects, and even in music! Conversations seemed to flow smoothly like water between you two and you even learned how enchanting and magical his singing voice sounds, it almost had you entranced.

your new friend and you were now having a moment of silence while taking in the sounds of the water splashing against the ship until the boy spoke.

"if you don't mind me asking-- and I don't mean to pry! just that.." Rielle spoke while he nodded his head forward towards the direction of your cast holding your broken arm."is the reason why you're wounded related to your experience in Night Raven?... you don't have to answer if you don't want to I'm just genuinely curious." he gave you a comforting smile and his eyes were right on you, listening intently.

you gave a half-hearted and sheepish smile as you looked away and quickly started reminiscing about the events these past few months had in store for you in your head before you started to speak.

"well... in a way yes. I don't want to point any fingers--" you did want to point fingers, in fact you had many people to point fingers to. you sighed as you lightly shook your head in disappointment whilst facing the ship's floor "there were people who should've just done their job." your face started to form in a bit of a scowl "then maybe, just maybe... I wouldn't be in this state."

the young man formed an 'o' with his lips as he understood what you're trying to say.

"hmm..I see.. I'm very sorry _____, I promise that with my friends and I you'll never get a scratch on you while you're with us! and if it makes you feel any better, our staff too is always responsible and capable of finding a solution for any problem you're facing!" Rielle tried his best to sound optimistic and uplifting with the brightest smile on his face to get your frown turn upside down! and to also make you feel a little more confident in yourself as to give you more hope that your situation will turn around.

his very short speech made your head turn towards him and as he intended, you smiled warmly back with a new spark of optimism rising in your chest.

"thank you Rielle, that's... very kind of you." you spoke "I'm sure that while I'm with you, I'll at least have less than half of the injuries I have now."

he chuckled softly before responding to your comment "i'm sure you'll have few to none."

there was a moment where you two just looked at each other, both smiling and chuckling with the cold yet fresh sea breeze hitting both of your faces and the last few shines of the setting sun hitting both of your faces so perfectly. when you both calmed down you could feel this feeling of optimism rise up in your system even further.

this guy, his school-- you had a really good feeling about this change.

as well as a terrible feeling but about NRC.

but you didn't want to think much of it, not right now at least.

 on Rielle's side he genuinely feels and understands your predicament, having to adapt into a strange new world that works differently than your own home does... he gets the feeling of being a total fish out of water. so because of this he feels he has this kind of connection with you because of this small detail you both have in common.

but in a really random way you also couldn't help but notice how ethereal the shade of blue was in his eyes.

you were about to ask a question but were rudely interrupted when the sailors of the ship were yelling from up above and hanging on the ropes beside the sails, announcing that the ship is now slowly arriving towards the school.

the news made you automatically want to stand up and get a good look of the school. to then have your eyes finally meet the shape of a large white castle as the focal point with the peaks of each of it's towers glistening while still being overshadowed by the shining and setting sun behind. the scene was breathlessly magical with the special touch of this entire moment being the mixed splashes of orange, deep purple, and yellow of the sky blending in with the glistening waters of the calm ocean.

Rielle slowly stood up beside you while facing the school as well "amazing isn't it? seeing the academy shining against the sunset is one of my favorite things to see here." he said before he took in a big inhale of the ocean air to then exhale, taking in the scene and all it's beauty.

"you're damn right it's amazing." you chuckled at your comment before Rielle quickly joined in too in a shared chuckling fit. For the rest of your time on the ship you two decided to just calmly enjoy the view until the ship reached ashore.

Let's speed up to now reaching and stopping on the shore.

A gangplank was set down for you and any other residents to hop off the ship. Rielle and you slowly yet excitedly walked off at the exit to finally walk down to RSA-- that was until Rielle stopped you before you could step a foot on the large plank.

"Here, let me help you out my friend." Rielle then offered a helping hand by extending his elbow out, asking you to link your uninjured arm around his as a way to help and avoid slipping but also because he's just a gentleman at heart.

you gave him a smile and a small 'thank you' as you accepted his offer while linking both of your arms together with him(or only hold onto his arm with your hand, whichever you feel comfy with)and carefully walked off the ship with him at your side. when you two find yourselves on the shore at the edge of the sea you could feel a bit of nervousness now in your system since to you it seems like you're in a whole new world. Rielle noticed this and in another attempt to cheer you up he gently tugged at your arm that you linked with him to have you look at him, to give you a reassuring smile.

"You'll be just fine _____, I'll show you where you need to go if you'd like. just know I'll be right here with you."

His words started to sink in as you gave him a hesitant nod but a strong statement,

"Let's do this."

Meanwhile... at Night Raven College..

well... I'll save all the NRC chaos in the next post, it deserves it's own chapter ;)

(will include descriptive yet somewhat short reactions of only house leaders unless there is demand for other characters)

(also if you're confused why I had a ship travel you to RSA instead of just going through the forest and through the town I completely forgot that the isle of sages housed both NRC and RSA 💀💀but im already this far in so pretend it makes sense please T-T)

[raindrop-on-a-spiderweb]

Sending love to one of the best writers on ao3 😘💕 I check your page frequently and wanted to ask about the things that you enjoy doing or aspire to do

Hi Anon, it's so sweet of you to send this ask to ask after me. Rest assured your words are appreciated on this end; thank you from the bottom of my heart and top of my soul 🫂 I'm very glad you think highly of my work even after so long, and I'm so so sorry I haven't had any new content in such a long time. But I am hard at work on a oneshot that will definitely be published before the next chapter of Samarra, so the well won't stay dry for long! The summary is “A jaded prison nurse must come to rely on a man she hates and fears in the midst of a deadly prison riot.” I started writing it in the ward; it's based off of the Moundsville Penitentiary which is an especially spooky place I've been to–an old 19th century prison made of towering stone turrets, eerie high ceilings, and rusted iron cells packed together like pigsties. I'm hoping to get that atmosphere across; it's about ⅔ of the way finished so good progress is being made!

Well I enjoy writing, most of all, but I've already talked about that in detail a thousand times so I'll spare you. I love reading, of course (I just finished “The Five”, about the victims of Jack the Ripper, and it's a fascinating bit of history and an incredible and horrifying look at Victorian-era industrial Britain). I love exploring the mountains with my cats trotting along beside me and photographing what I find. In all honesty I'm a bit of a trappist–I rarely see people except hunters and cashiers, and most of my time is spent alone with myself or my dad. But each day is an adventure when you're in nature and each season brings primordial and beautiful changes– I collected watercress the other day and found the downy remains of a fawn. 

I love watching old movies. My dad and I were watching Laurel and Hardy last night and I swear it holds up a century later. Before that we watched King Rat, which is one of his–and my–favorite movie; about two men stuck in a Japanese prison camp and the Machiavellian and underhanded ways they survive there. The book is particularly good too, and the epilogue about rats devouring each other has haunted my dreams for a long time. 

On the same subject, a series that I highly recommend is called Tenko, which is very similar to King Rat, except the prisoners are women. It's so grueling, realistic and enrapturing; I've never seen anything that so squarely focuses on women's experiences, relationships with each other, the hardships they face, and how they struggle to survive together in a thankless, deprived environment. The backstabbing and despair that comes in their darkest moments, the love and support in which they uplift each other with, their mistrustful and uneven relationships with their captors that occasionally erupt in friendships and affairs–and all the episodes are on dailymotion, too!

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x74u4fi

I like dreaming most of all. So many of my story ideas come from my dreams. The worst thing in the world is waking up and trying to catch the stray strands of the dream slipping through your fingers. It's amazing to live so many lives–good or bad–inside your head. Sometimes when I wake up, I feel a sweeping, palpable sense of relief that I don't live in the world I conjured last night, and sometimes I wish I could just claw myself back into my brain and live in that little pocket world for the rest of my life.

I do not aspire to much. I don't really have any base wishes but to keep writing and live til 70. We all have our hopeful fantasies, of course, and when I finally do get Ragnatela on Amazon Kindle (Microsoft Word is trying to swindle me out of one hundred and fifty American dollars to use their dogshit platform, and since the manuscript is half-edited, I'm afraid to lose my formatting if I switched to a free program like Libreoffice) maybe it will get some attention. 

I still intend on writing on Ao3 until the day I die, though. Even with its unsavory content I have such a soft spot for its unrestricted freedom of speech and prose. Plus I don't want to give up talking to you guys and goofing off in the comments ☹️ I also aspire to stop drinking. I'm sure I've already shaved a few years off my lifespan with my tippling habit. But when one day is much like the other, is there much point in extending it?

I aspire to travel around the United States more. I took a trip through the Deep South to visit Savannah and it was enrapturing; something I will remember for the rest of my life. Rusted-out cars felted in green moss, skinny, grazing horses in windswept fields, peeling roadside signs advertising tent revivals, clownish golliwogs behind still windows of cafes, forgotten tugboats half-sunken into lagoons, highway strip hotels where craggy hookers peered at you suspiciously from their fold-up chairs, and derelict cemeteries separated between Union and Confederate. It was just post-Irma and we were often the only tourists at any of these places. The effects of the hurricane were stark and obvious, with the land in a state of shock before any official agencies came to clean them up. I remember boats crashed into the harbor and grandfather trees felled in front of opulent antebellum homes, and the sea churned brown and murky when we trekked to the beach. The sense of desolation, and not only from the hurricane, was chilling–but I loved being there and loved being swathed by the kudzu and history. My mother is very ill and before she dies we might make up briefly and take a trip to New Orleans together and explore rural Louisiana; I'd always wanted to write a story set in New Orleans. Louisiana is a fascinating state with its mixture of Napoleonic and Creole influences; and I've always been drawn to the grand, decaying tombs of New Orleans as much as I have been to the odd Francophone swamps and their hidden dialects and traditions. And one day I would like to go way, way out west and explore the Gold Rush ghost towns. All the mines where I am are filled-in, so I would like to venture underneath the earth just once. 

Most of all, I aspire to be alone, and live by myself for the rest of my life, far away from town, somewhere in the mountains like where I am now. I wish I didn't have to see another person for the rest of my life. Being alone with myself is bad enough, being with others is intolerable.

Anyways, I apologize for my undue pleonasm, you caught me in a chatty mood 😀 Here's an excerpt from the newest prison one-shot:

Rhoda had met Jesse Fitzner her first day on the job. It was midway through her shift, and she was taking a lunch break and grading her sister Sherise's homework in her office. The day had started with a white-knuckle ride in early morning mist so thick she couldn't see the taillights of the car in front of her. Midway through her preliminary tour of the prison, an inmate had stuffed his toilet full of socks, which promptly overflowed and leaked sewage out of the cell onto her high heels. The hoots and jeers had made her speed up, trying to avoid the leering eyes of her future patients. And her introduction to the mental ward, by a younger but just as pessimistic Fawna, had not lifted her mood any either.

So there she sat in her office, snatching a moment of calmness and frantically scribbling corrections over Sherise's homework before her sister turned it in tomorrow. And then the door swung open.

A blond man poked his head in and briefly raised his eyebrows. He was wearing the omnipresent, drab gray prison uniform, pants and a sweatshirt rolled up to his elbows. "What are you up to?"

She flipped the cover of the notebook over.

"Going over my sister's homework. Is there something you need?"

"Passing on a message to Nurse Judson. One of the inmates wants to switch his blood pressure medication."

"Oh, she'll be back soon. I think she's–doing something with the prisoners. Just give her a few minutes."

"No hurry." He pulled the chair opposite her and sat down in it. "So you're grading your kid sister's homework? Shouldn't she be doing that herself?"

The man had thick blond hair that stuck up in back like a duck's tail, and very rosy cheeks. He looked like he had just shaven, by the nicks on his neck. 

"It's a long story. I should be–"

"I've got time. If this is your first day, you need to take some time to yourself to relax--else you'll end up in the infirmary."

Rhoda laughed. He had a nice smile and a nice manner about him–very jovial and friendly. It was refreshing to see a man who didn't stare at her like she was a piece of meat. "Well, my parents died when my brother and I were still young. Seth was seventeen, I was fifteen. He went to work so we didn't have to break up the family, and I stayed home to care for my little siblings, all three of them. It wasn't fun. I always wanted to do more for them than what I was stuck with, so I'm making sure they get good grades and go to good colleges. That's why I got this job in the first place, to put some back for their college funds."

"That's real decent of you. I don't know a single woman who would go so far for their family. You'd best be proud of yourself. Where's your brother now?"

"He's working out of state in Pennsylvania. He found a good woman and has a concrete contracting business now."

"You got yourself a man?"

"Never saw the need. Someday, maybe, when I'm lonelier."

"Working here for a few years will train that loneliness for a man right outta of you." 

They both laughed at that, and Rhoda felt her tensed muscles begin to relax. "I didn't catch your name."

"Jesse Lee Fitzner." He reached across the desk to grip her hand. For being such a small-built man, he had a crushing handshake.

"Rhoda Ames. Pleased to make your acquaintance."

"I knew a few Ameses when I was on the outside. Where your folks from?"

"Beckworth, west of here."

"Oh, you're bullshitting me. I have folks from there too. You don't know a Harry Fitzner, do you?"

"Harry who used to run the car repair shop?"

"That's him! My uncle. He retired a few years ago. His lungs got to him. Too much time in the mines."

The door slammed open again. An elderly prison guard, who had greeted her rather abruptly upon her hiring and who had a hard and wrinkled face, was standing in the doorway. When he saw Jesse, his face grew harder. "What are you doing here, inmate?"

Jesse raised his hands, still not moving from where he was leaning back on the chair. "Just dropping off a message for Nurse Judson."

"Next time, leave the message with Nurse Ames and promptly return to your cell. There's no reason for you to be here actin' so friendly."

To Rhoda's mild disappointment, the guard grabbed Jesse by his arm and yanked him out, harder than he needed to. Before he was escorted out, Jesse tossed a glance over her shoulder and winked at her. "Rhoda, you're a young lady, and I'm a bit of a spring chicken myself. I think we would get along real well outside these walls."

Rhoda couldn't help the giggle that bubbled up from her throat. She felt lightheaded. She was a rangy and abrupt woman with a working tan, and hadn't much experience with men flirting with her.

When Jesse was marched out, Rhoda stood up and grabbed her peaked nurse's cap, girding her loins for the next shift on the ward. While she was counting medications, the elderly guard–Miles–came in again and shut the door behind him. She flinched, expecting a dressing-down on her first day of work. I wasn't fraternizing with the prisoner, was I? Am I… am I gonna lose my job?

He sat down opposite her. "You ever hear that tale 'bout the lady and the snake?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to–"

"Old story; old, old story. One of them Aesop stories they wrote when people was still in togas and carved words in stone. A woman was walking home one day when she saw a frozen snake lying on the side of the road. It begged her to save its poor little self, this little creature of God. So taking pity on it, the woman brought it home and warmed it by the fire between her breasts. And as it thawed, it bit her breast. 'Oh, why would you do such a thing? Your poison will kill me,’ she wailed. And the snake smiled and said, 'You knew I was a snake before you brought me into your house.'"

Rhoda stared at him, puzzled. "I don't understand."

"You know what that fellow did to get in here? Fitzner was top dog in a motorcycle gang outside of prison. A real nasty one. He ordered a contract killing on a rival gang member. They snatched the poor fellow when he was leaving a bar. Hung him from a tree, broke his legs with doublejack hammers, used him as target practice with their sawed-offs, cut his dick off and shoved it in his mouth, then left and let him choke on it and bleed to death for the rest of the night. He was out, too, far out in the mountains, and they only found him weeks later when a hunter stumbled on him. One of the killers snitched on Fitzner in exchange for dropping a drug felony sentence he was staring at. That snitch went into hiding and changed his name. Two days after Fitzner was taken to this good penitentiary, he was found with his head beaten in, in a dry creek bed."

Rhoda's head began to spin in slow whirls. Her hand where Jesse had shaken it grew very clammy. She remembered his bright smile across the desk, his dark eyes, and felt bile and vomit churn in her throat.

"You both were talking for a while, I noticed. He's good at prising information out of people, Fitzner is. A boyish smile and a few good words and he can make both men and women melt like butter on yer tongue. See? Now he knows who you are, and where your folks live. Now he can get to you."

Rhoda tried to talk, but her tongue was paralyzed. She looked down and wiped her sweaty hands on her knees.

Miles got up and went over to the door. He looked out of the window set on top, and his hard face relaxed. He seemed much older in that moment, more wrinkled and exhausted.

"You'd best be careful of him, Nurse Ames. He's a bad 'un. I'll be glad to see the back of him."

As it turned out, Miles retired later that year and it was Jesse who saw the back of him. 

And Rhoda became very wary of him from then on. Whenever he saw her in the hall, in the chow line, in the infirmary, he smiled at her and tried to make small talk. She ignored him, or was curt with him.

Unfortunately, he seemed to take that as an invitation.

[mswyrr]

Random aside, but I’ve been thinking about Carmen Berzatto as a “realistic fiction” version of some of the same themes handled in Peeta Mellark through the vehicle of Sci Fi metaphor.

I always read the hijacking--and how its violence and overtaking of his identity comes after Peeta expressly says all he wants, believing he will die in the Games, is to not become their creature, to not be changed from who he wants to be--as a great metaphor for patterns of abuse and how it gets inside you and can be so hard to uproot and for the way patriarchies beat boys into violent shapes, into being useful tools, and away from the things they love and truly want.

It works for me because it overtakes him but only for a time - in the end, he has the grace and support to embrace the care, love, art, and food that he wants his life to be, even though the hurt leaves marks. I connect that with the idea of how there can be times when, no matter how hard you want to “not be shitty,” it can be easy to lose yourself - but you can find a way back, you can have a good life on your own terms with scars.

I see it as two different approaches to talking about similar things - different genres nonetheless sharing in common the necessity of the moment of losing yourself and then having that come back, through your struggle but not alone, not all by your own power, also through the people around you loving you, for the love you put out into the world coming back to you when you most need it.

Because it’s a dramady and draws on the traditions of comedy--the uplifting side of life, vs the tragic side--and we already start with the tragic loss of one Berzatto son who didn’t find his way through the underworld, I think Carmy is going to come out of the cold, dark place (walk-in fridge or underworld? Both?) in s3. The alternative would be a very.... odd story, I think. Because if they have him keep going down down down and never rising, then the whole thing collapses. The Bear is lost, the people who have become a community scatter. It just doesn’t fit the tone and themes for me. We *start* at a place of everyone being scattered and damaged by Mikey’s loss - it would be nihilistic and repetitive and dramatically uninteresting to do the same thing with the younger brother. And the writing has never displayed that kind of vibe.

But I also think s3 will begin with him continuing his descent before hitting rock bottom and rising. It’ll get worse before it gets better. The descent is fraught with hope, though - because when the person comes back from that they’ve dealt with the things that haunt them. Their wounds have become healed up scars? And they own the person they want to be now, rather than being torn between the influence of others and their own heart’s yearning for better.

Regardless of what setting and genre you’re using, it’s a powerful arc, the descent and the rise and I’m looking forward to it because I believe they’ll pull it off well - they’ve done so beautifully with other characters struggling and rising, why not the lead?

BTW, I will curl up in shipper feels forever if part of his rise from the “underworld” involves Sydney symbolically giving him back to himself--giving him back things he wants to be vs things he’s being drawn into by the pressures on him--like how Katniss gaves things Peeta shared with her back to him: 

At a few minutes before four, Peeta turns to me again. "Your favorite color ... it's green?" "That's right." Then I think of something to add. "And yours is orange." "Orange?" He seems unconvinced. "Not bright orange. But soft. Like the sunset," I say. "At least, that's what you told me once." "Oh." He closes his eyes briefly, maybe trying to conjure up that sunset, then nods his head. "Thank you." But more words tumble out. "You're a painter. You're a baker. You like to sleep with the windows open. You never take sugar in your tea. And you always double-knot your shoelaces." Then I dive into my tent before I do something stupid like cry.  

Who you are, in the end, is who you want to be and the best of yourself you share with others comes back to you. It’s doesn’t just disappear.

[baltimorebullets]

in an effort to continue exposure therapizing myself into saying things out loud in public + make my dedication to media consumption slightly less passive, i have decided to write some thots on my Weekends at Regal, which are most weekends. i am not a particularly well accredited critic but lord knows that has not stopped those before me.

THE OUTRUN (2024) - sigh ten thousand years. this one is going to be straight oversharing.

so it's kind of a weird dynamic when you come from a family with uh heavily prominent substance use disorders but it's a quirk that skipped you but also it's a familiar enough sort of expression of pain that it still in a way feels like home and something to rest your head on. i have my own Forms of Expression that have razed my life on my behalf and also driven me to start the fire.

so there are these back to back scenes of the main character, rona, says, in rehab, that'll she'll never be happy sober, and then in the next scene, a flashback, she hammers the final nail into her marriage while mid-relapse. and it's just. so. hmmm. so often when people say "misery loves company," they mean it in a crabs in a bucket sense, like because i am suffering, i want you to suffer the same. and there can also be a lot of pressure for recovery narratives to be uplifting, and positive, and parabolic, and just... sun breaking through the clouds optimistic.

there's not a lot of sun in orkney. rona spends most of the movie bitterly faithless and alienated and feeling her way around new rock bottoms and disappointments, and then physically isolates herself even more. and it works. you can hear "healing is nonlinear" one million times and it won't mean a damn thing until, randomly, you hit the right note. a year ago i ... i don't even know. i was a husk of a person, and i didn't know if anything was going to change. and then something did, and i still didn't feel it for months. and then i did. and now it's....... now, and i still don't know what i feel, or what to do, or what i even want to do. i cannot give as solid a 🙂👍🏽 as the outrun ended on. but i have, i guess, performed my own sort of outrun, and it's better than it was, and i want to believe that's still building towards something better. and artistically i continue to be grateful for everyone who will extend their hand and just say, "god, this shit fucking sucks, huh?"

in some ways i guess it's not an entirely revolutionary movie, but it was a good movie for me right now. in short,

SATURDAY NIGHT (2024) - had a bad case of barbie (2023) disease ? which is to say that i liked both movies but they were also, imo, a bit too worshipful of their subjects, even in their attempts at a challenge, and it could become a bit of an overwhelming flavor in enough scenes that it held the whole film back from being As Good As It Could Have Been.

the most egregious example in barbie were the mattel corpos who just, like, had to have been forcibly defanged into being hapless but well-meaning at some point. saturday night ... really tried to have it both ways. like we'd spend a whole bunch of time with our edgystraightwhiteman heroes doing edgystraightwhiteman shit, and then we'd get a scene garrett morris or the female cast members being underutilized, and for the most part, it didn't quite manage to meld the two tonally.

simultaneously, it very badly wanted to remind us that these were counterculture radicals doing something new and dangerous and brave, which, like yes? maybe? i'm not a tv nerd nor a comedy nerd, and there is a danger to not being able to see steps forward. simultaneously, there's a danger to nostalgia that isn't even truly nostalgia, and the reality of snl is that, for example, its issues with sexism didn't end with its cast being typecast, as seen with the sanz case, and that is the reality of the environment lorne michaels continues to oversee to this day ! and, sure, chevy chase briefly got cucked, but we also know he goes on to be chevy chase, but we also know he goes on to be... chevy chase.

on a different note, woo, that soundtrack! mr batiste! sir! babylon (2022) was another movie that came to mind as i was watching this; babylon's crime was that it was way too fucking long, saturday night's was the weird Look At Our Heroes! moments, both were bolstered by a soundtrack that forced the momentum up and onward. despite my kvetching to this point, when saturday night got going, it went. there's a real romanticism to the momentum of when the show must go on, which i am not immune to, and i think the sound and the directing and the cinematography captured it really effectively when it wasn't all ground to a halt every time the characters had to say more than, like, four lines to each other.

but how good was it, overall, really? i keep returning to the barbie comparison. as a terminal film bro, saturday night does appeal to my artistic tastes more directly. but i worry about giving too much credit to Things That, Traditionally, Make A Movie Good, over its actual content and overall craft, and the things it tries to whitewash are objectively worse. however. i did enjoy it. but i was also a little annoyed. but jon batiste, y'all. damn.

[cadavercrafts]

Little tumblr artist feature

Decided to just post some photos of prints and original art i have on my walls made by artists who are semi active on tumblr. I have a lot more but many of the artists either don't have tumblr or are completly inactive here :'( I like original unique stuff so maybe there's something in there for you if you share that taste!

Starting off with a super old faded print i have from @kampfkewob of super fashionable snail people. I had this one for so many years and still like it lots. Kampfkewob does tons of different art from furry to fandom to their OC verse, digital and traditional, super versatile artist!

Next up is a print from @asoftwrongness who does amaaaazing collage art. I literally never really cared about collage art before i saw their work! I added some real leafs, bones etc around the bottom and top because my frame was the wrong size *cough* They do really beautiful stuff, some uplifting some very thoughtful and melancholy. Art and poetry really

@fj0rge formally @fjorgael and i did an art trade 9 billion years ago and i still have all the drawings they made for me INCLUDING my two lovely boys framed on the wall. Fjorge has been really focussing on digital animation recently and does really neat dynamic work; some commissions but also fandom art.

This little Jason doesn't really do @grosskelly's art justice but it gives you an idea of their work which i just adore because i feel like they really embrace the wrinkles and slimyness and stuble of life. And i just love looking at that forever. Feel the textures with your eyes!

I also have many prints by @schinako in my house and they always make me feel super warm and fuzzy. They draw mostly bunnies and girls and their art is so soft and sweet. It's full of love and happyness and that's great to see every day <3

Also i'm currently waiting on a print by @samsketchbook who i only discovered recently and who does incredibly unique creature art and poetry but my fantastic mail service company has ISSUES right now so i will have to wait a little longer. I wanted to add them tho because i love their stuff

[houseofbrat]

I'm still on DivorceWatchMarch2023, and last I heard they were living separately and barely seeing each other, but we will have to see what happens. If not this month, then I believe it will be by May, but this is based solely on my prediction when they married that it wouldn't last five years.

I've not been really keeping up with the Markle goss for a while, so sorry to all who look forward to tea time. I haven't gotten any updates from my brother lately either for that matter other than we will be seeing more of Harry and Meghan on South Park at some point. I think they will be repeat secondary plot line characters next time though, like Satan and Jesus are. I was told that the South Park team was amused at how butthurt Harry and Meghan got.  Other than that, I've got nothing new.  I think something big is about to come out that will destroy them from a PR perspective, but I got that from Lady C.

I think Meghan threw down the title card for the children to try to get ahead of whatever this big thing is. Apparently they've known since the funeral that the children were Prince and Princess, but deferred on the announcement for some reason. Probably to create just this precise situation where everyone loses their shit. I personally don't think it changes anything or that Charles was wrong to give them the titles.  I DO think Charles should have just announced it back then and cut off the current Meghan shitstorm at the pass. That was his weakness, just not coming out with it from the beginning when he announced the PPoW. Maybe he didn't want any outrage to overshadow his mother's death, because really Harry and Meghan's kids' titles shouldn't even be given the opportunity to compete with mourning the late Queen.  There have been six other months though that he could have announced this and he should have. Now we've got a huge tempest brewing in a teapot, but again, I think this stunt was Meghan trying to get ahead of something. I mean, Christening Lilibet has nothing to do with her having the title of Princess, but Meghan threw that in for some reason. I think the Christening was solely to get Tyler Perry's alliance with her, whether real or imagined, cemented as Lili's godfather.  Again, something big is coming and she may be trying to tie him to her in case this scares him away.

Anyway, I'll start trying to keep ahead of the Todger Gossip again. I took a break from them for the Murdaugh trial. Meghan was really wearing me down, and I needed something uplifting /s, but I guess I need to get back to it. I will get to the bottom of this Tyler Perry alliance if it's the last thing I do. I've got a theory, but I want to have more than that because I'm certain that he had them removed from his house because The Wife was abusing the staff and refusing to accommodate others that Tyler invited to stay there for a few weeks.  He is also a very kind man by all accounts, so... other than his money, he's not really Meghan's type

I think this is really a non-issue. I remember now that Lady C said ages ago that they were already Prince and Princess and that the website and Prince Charles had nothing to do with it.

If Charles were going to do away with their titles, he would have had to issue new Letters Patent, which we know he has not done, so really this is nothing new and we are playing into Meghan's manipulative hands by even acknowledging this.

I think the titles are a red herring and we need to stop focusing on them and start focusing on why she has chosen NOW.  She orchestrated three things to try to rile people up over the course of 24 hours:

The Christening- that Meghan had acted like the Christening is what MADE Lilibet a Princess. It didn't. She doesn't have to be christened to be a Princess. Why a Christening for a 2-year old AND a title announcement at the same time?  I've got a theory, and I think the Christening is all about Tyler Perry and cementing him to her because she knows something is coming that could make him run away.

The titles. We now know the titles have been in place since the death of the Queen. She's been holding this card for six months, has had all of is playing will-they, won't-they about the titles for months and has chosen to play it now. Why? Has the National Weather Service updated the  DivorceWatch to a DivorceWarning? Is she trying to drum up goodwill by announcing her kids have titles that she has said she didn't care about? If so, that misfired, but Meghan always does misfire when it comes to generating goodwill, so...

The What's-her-name race-baiter interview. Why dredge that up right now? It's definitely not a coincidence and it's definitely at Meghan's command that this woman stirs the shit pot because the last time we heard from her it was around another big Meghan trifecta to deflect from Earthshot. Meghan miscalculates here because the woman is saying the Royal Family is racist at the same time as Meghan is announcing her children are fully titled members of that family, but we know Meghan always fails at every scheme to generate goodwill for herself, but she succeeds at getting everybody all worked up. Still she's been silent for months. Why now?

Regardless we are all doing what she wants us to do by getting outraged about this.  Whatever her reason for creeping out of her swamp to piss everybody off, the children's titles aren't it.  I'm curious about what actually IS it. Regardless, I'm eager to hear Lady C's take today.

Getty falling through may totally screw up the timing, but she is done with Harry and it is merely a matter of time before she publicly jumps ship. Harry is broke and she blames him for their being a laughingstock. Meghan really thought she had Getty locked down, but Getty's family has now reportedly successfully intervened, and I don't know what effect, if any, that will have on the future of the Todgers.

At one point, I heard Harry was the one who was leaving. At the Queen's funeral he was pulled back into reality enough to be done with her, but he is too crazy and drug-addled at this point to make a decision or act one way or another. However, whether or not it is publicly or legally acknowledged, they are separated. They don't live together. They are only seen together for staged publicity. She is, however, still in control.

[ashleywool]

no comment on calling poor people who can't afford dues "bottom feeders"? tells me everything i need to know

Since you did yourself the courtesy of staying anonymous, that gives me cause to think maybe you're starting to have a glimmer of self-awareness about how foolish you sound, so I'll bite.

But if you ask for a bite, I'mma bite.

I don't judge people for being poor. I don't judge people for being desperate. I don't judge people for taking jobs because they have no other choice. I don't judge people for putting up with labor exploitation because they need to eat.

I judge people who go out of their way to COSPLAY desperation.

I judge people who virtue-signal all over social media about dismantling systems of oppression, and then get up at 4am to do their hair and makeup and wait in line outside a rehearsal studio for five hours waiting to perform a 16-bar cut that they spent $200 having someone coach them on...all for the chance at directly participating in oppressive systems and not even getting paid that much for it. And then loudly PRETENDING that they have no other choice.

People who are ACTUALLY desperate for work don't do that. People who are ACTUALLY poor, and don't have generational wealth to fall back on, can hardly even take the first steps at pursuing this career. People who ACTUALLY need the money apply for jobs that...actually pay them the money. People who put up with labor exploitation because they ACTUALLY have no choice are not screaming at people on social media aggressively defending their RIGHT to be exploited.

Those people ain't you. And I'm not going to apologize for saying so.

It's not that I don't care about your feelings. It's just that the feelings of people who willfully contribute to systemic oppression are not as high of a priority for me as dismantling those systems. Feelings can be worked through. Internalized biases can be worked through. Disinformation can be worked through. But I can't do the work for you, and I can't take responsibility for your feelings about being told that there's work to be done.

The people who told you unions are the enemy are the people who profit from you believing the unions are the enemy.

The people who told you unions are too expensive are the people who profit from your refusal to join.

The people who told you "it's not up to the actors whether or not a tour goes out union" are the people who profit from actors living and working and posturing as if they have no choice.

But I'm the one who originated a role on Broadway and became a leading voice in arts accessibility initiatives, not them.

If you want to be on Broadway...if you want a sustainable career...if you want to be a voice for positive change in this industry...if you want to uplift marginalized communities in PRACTICE (not just in your Insta stories)...

Then don't you think you should start listening to the people who are doing those things, instead of the people whose paychecks depend on you continuing to do what you're doing?

If so...we can talk.

If not...you do you.

But either way, don't let me catch you playing the victim in my DMs again getting mad over something you made up yourself. My advocacy energy is better spent on people who actually want to learn.

ETA: I have now turned off anonymous messaging because it's not conducive to good-faith conversations and arguing with imaginary people is not one of the ways my neurodivergence manifests itself (at least not yet). OP, should you wish to continue, or provide more context to your experiences, my DMs are open and I'm not gonna blast you.

[uplifted-vibes]

Hey, beautiful souls! 🌈 Let’s chat about something super important today: body positivity and acceptance. In a world filled with filters, unrealistic standards, and endless comparisons, it’s easy to forget that all bodies are beautiful—including yours!

First things first, let’s take a deep breath and remind ourselves that we live in a diverse world! Bodies come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and abilities, and that’s what makes us unique. Just like art, our differences add vibrancy to life! So, why do we often feel pressured to fit into a narrow definition of beauty? Spoiler alert: You don’t have to!

Let’s break it down. Imagine scrolling through social media and seeing a post that makes you feel less than. Maybe it’s someone promoting their latest diet or flaunting a so-called perfect body. Here’s the reality: those images are often curated, filtered, and may not reflect real life. It’s time to start recognizing that what you see online isn’t the whole picture. Your worth isn’t defined by a number on a scale or how well you can pose in front of a camera. It’s time to turn the lens inward and appreciate all that your body does for you!

Think about it: your body is a powerhouse! It gets you through long days, helps you dance like nobody's watching, and allows you to experience the world in all its glory. Instead of focusing on what you wish to change, let’s celebrate the amazing things your body can do! Love that your legs carry you to new adventures or that your hands create art or cook delicious meals. Every inch of you is worthy of love and appreciation.

Now, let’s get real about self-talk. When you catch yourself in a negative thought spiral, like criticizing your reflection or comparing yourself to others, pause and hit the rewind button. Instead of saying, “I hate my thighs” or “I wish my stomach was flatter,” flip the script! Try saying, “I love how strong my legs are,” or “My body is capable and unique.” Positive affirmations are like magic spells for the mind, and trust me, they can transform your perspective!

Here’s a fun challenge: stand in front of the mirror and find three things you love about yourself. No, seriously! Do it right now. Maybe it’s your gorgeous smile, your sparkling eyes, or that killer sense of humor. Embrace those qualities and let them shine! And when you’re done, try to make it a habit—do it daily or weekly. The more you practice self-love, the more natural it becomes!

Let’s also talk about the power of community. Surround yourself with people who uplift and inspire you. Celebrate each other’s uniqueness and remind one another that you’re all beautiful in your own right. Whether it’s friends, family, or an online community, finding your tribe can make all the difference. Share your experiences, your struggles, and your triumphs. Together, you can create a safe space where everyone feels accepted and loved for who they are.

Remember, body diversity is something to be celebrated! Embrace the things that make you different. Whether you have curves, are tall, petite, or anything in between, your body tells a story. A story that deserves to be honored and appreciated. It’s time to rewrite the narrative that tells us we’re not enough just as we are.

So, here’s the bottom line: you are beautiful, you are worthy, and you deserve to love yourself fiercely! Let’s stand together in body positivity and acceptance, celebrating the wonderful diversity that makes us who we are. You are not alone in this journey—let’s lift each other up and create a world where all bodies are celebrated!

What’s one thing you love about your body? Share it in the comments! Let’s spread the love and remind each other that we are all perfect just as we are! 💖

[sassypotatoe1]

So today I got a verbal warning because of how I've been messing up a lot lately, and because I'm like capital s Struggling™ and don't know how the next few months will go after I get my meds adjusted tomorrow, I've been fantasizing of different career paths that isn't journalism because how things are looking now, I might not have a space in this industry for very long because of my health and disability status, and not in a discriminatory way either like just genuinely I can't maintain this job long term based on trends over the last two years, even when I'm managing my health perfectly.

I'm not going to be stupid and just quit and give up, it was a verbal warning and my boss and her boss are incredibly understanding and supportive people, but I no longer see a future for myself in this industry because of the way that it is structured, and I don't have the energy or ability to enact reform on a large scale.

So I will continue to work for this job until I physically can't anymore, or get fired because I messed up too many times, and in the meantime I'll explore other options. As side jobs I can bake, which means I can sell to home industry stores and make some money. I can garden if I have the time, so I can sell excess vegetables and propogate house plants and sell them to the local grocery store. I can make clothes, so I can tailor and mend. I can both make art and teach it, so I can do art classes and commissions. I am still a writer, so I can pursue a career as a fiction author, and maybe even as a non-fiction author if the inspiration strikes.

If I'm doing really bad and get fired and the side jobs don't work out, I can work as a waitress or secretary while I work on my books and art, and I can keep working while they are reviewed by publishers until they are approved for publishing and I start making a large enough income off sales.

I have options, and it's incredibly sad that I might have to leave journalism behind, but I have to consider the sustainability of a career in journalism, and based on the last few months it's really low. I love the job for the most part. I have a unique opportunity to support and uplift my community through my journalism, and I get to meet and know so many interesting people, but if it's going to come at the cost of my health and with the constant panic and fighting over mistakes that happened because of my disabilities and health issues, that to me is not a big deal but to everyone else seems to be the end of the world, I don't know if I even want to keep doing it.

I had dreams of becoming a press ombudsman one day, but now I see that the industry cares more about the bottom line and keeping readers happy than actually doing any sort of good, and it's not a flexible industry with room for mistakes, and I'm becoming decently disillusioned. I have other ways that I can make a difference, I don't need to be a journalist to help my community or inspire people or provide information that empowers. I can do private citizen journalism if it gets down to it and I feel like taking it up again, but the way I'm feeling about it right now it might be a long time before I touch the industry again if I quit or get fired.

And again, I'm not going to be stupid and hand in my notice now, it's a fixed job with an admittedly terrible but secure income, and I'd be going from employed but horribly depressed and unhealthy to unemployed with no guaranteed income if I do, so I'd rather work on side projects while I keep trying to do this job and quit when those projects prove fruitful.

There's also a strong possibility that adjusting my medication will make me functional again and I'll be back to not wanting to kill myself every time a reader gets pissed and calls me unprofessional because I got the time keeper at a race wrong, and I won't be as forgetful and dysfunctional to get it wrong in the first place, but I do feel I have to at least consider other possibilities and options.

And I'm writing this half to organize my own thoughts about this whole situation, and half to let others know that there are always options. If you're struggling, there are other things you can do if something doesn't work out. It's not necessarily the best course of action to give up on one thing without a guaranteed fallback, but if it gets down to it you can do something else. Passions change, dreams change, your needs change and so do your abilities. There is no shame in giving up one thing, as long as you don't stay down and give up on everything forever. You have options.

[lafleshlumpeater]

lover thoughts:

i forgot that you existed:

cruel summer: 5/5

' "i love you," ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?'

i'm actually so not normal about this song. every time i tell myself i've gotten over it, i listen to it again and literally start thrumming on the spot. cruel summer will always have a place in my heart above all other songs bc it's what got me listening to the rest of taylor's songs. it gives me a lot of forbidden love/one sided love pining vibes, two of my favourite tropes. the bridge is so fun to scream to, it's such a summer song, and it just slaps differently. will never not be good to me tbh, it doesn't deserve ANY hate

lover: 4.25/5

'have i known you twenty seconds, or twenty years?'

the one and only title track. it embodies the full album so well, and is just such a masterpiece. i usually don't like the title tracks of taylor's albums as much as the others, however lover is probably the only exception. every time this song plays, you just think of THAT person. beautiful. the only reason i haven't given this song 5/5 is because sometimes i MIGHT skip lover if i've had a bad day or just not in the mood- basically it's not a song that uplifts you or can be played whenever. on the other hand i gave it an extra 0.25 because of the live performance of lover the first show after the breakup was announced officially- seeing the opposite and sad side of that song which i had never even thought about made me love this song so much more

the man: 4/5

'when everyone believes ya, what's that like?'

I SIMPLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS SONG GETS SO MUCH HATE?? it's such a bop, and i can only dream of angry singing this with a huge crowd with thousands of other girls. it's the perfect angry iconic song, and i can't remember ever skipping it. also the blazers and silver + red bottomed shoes from the eras tour are so iconic. again, i can't think of a negative element of this song except that i don't think it directly links to the main theme of the album, however it still somehow fits. i also like how the lyrics aren't saying that all men lie, cheat, are narcissistic, etc but instead how people disregard these things ONLY when they're done by men, however accuse women of these same things

the archer: 1.5/5

'screaming, who could ever leave me, darling? but who could stay?'

listen. i can't like this song, and i have genuinely tried. i'm not sure what it is, maybe the constant repetition of the same lyrics (but i understand that was done deliberately to create a certain effect). one thing i can give it credit for, however, is that i think the lyrics and the beat convey exactly the message and emotions she wanted it to convey. but yeah. i'm not particularly partial to many of the track fives either. also don't attack me but i've been waiting for this to be cut from the setlist forever BUT another thing i can give it credit for is the iconic 'the archer' pose

i think he knows: 4.75/5

'he's so obsessed with me, and boy i understand- boy i understand'

again, another underrated bop. tbh i never took much interest in this song, but a few weeks back i heard it for the first time in a while and it just went so hard. the clicking beat in the back (listen, i don't know my musical terms), the LYRICS, the implications of the song contrasting the kinda upbeat happy-go-lucky sound of it is just so good and quite unlike taylor's usually style. also, one thing she doesn't do enough in her song's that i'm OBSESSED with is singing particular lyrics in such a way that you can hear her expressions (like the cheeky smile you can hear in the lyric i wrote above, and in 'it's like i'm seventeen no-one understand, no-one understands'), and because she does this TWICE in one song makes it so precious to me. idk i'm just such a i think he knows defender it's so slept on

miss americana and the heartbreak prince: 3.75/5

'boys will be boys then, where are the wise men?'

THIS SONG IS SO GOOD. like to me this song has always been the embodiment of taylor and just the journey she's been through and everything that's happened along the way (even though it doesn't explicitly mention anything, but that's just the vibes it gives me). opening the eras tour with this song was such a good choice that tbh i never expected, but yeah. again, the hate for this song is so unsolicited like... the only reason i haven't given this song a higher score is because it's a great song, but when compared to the rest of the album, it's not one of my tops.

paper rings: 3.75/5

'i hate accidents except when we went from friends to this'

WHY SO MUCH HATE FOR SUCH A CUTE SONG?? this song is so fun and i love listening to paper rings sped up to practically rap to it 😭😭 it literally embodies the friends to lovers trope so well, and it's so FUN i honestly don't understand the hate. it was actually one of the first songs from lover that i listened to. again, the only reason this isn't ranked higher is because this would definitely be in my top ten lover songs, but not top five. also, like lover, sometimes you're just angry or sad and this is definitely NOT the song for those sort of moods

cornelia street: 5/5

'and baby, i get mystified by how this city screams your name'

I DESPISE MY PAST SELF FOR INITIALLY NOT LIKING THIS SONG. i could go on and on about cornelia street for hours, it's the perfect mix of bittersweet and a cute love song. tbh, i've always considered it a sweet song until i saw the performance of when she did it acoustic as a surprise song, and girl was ANGRY (if there's something anyone should know about my ts preferences, is that i am OBSESSED with her angry performances- they give songs so much more meaning and offer a very different perspectives to songs in some cases), and ever since then i've only ever seen it as a resentful and reminiscing breakup song. also i've only just realised after listening to cornelia street and false god back to back that she says 'i get mystified by how this city screams your name' and in false god she says 'i'm new york city'... ughhh i will never get over this song

death by a thousand cuts: 2.5/5

'my heart, my hips, my body, my love, trying to find a part of me that you didn't touch'

again, this song is so great but i feel like it doesn't resonate with me as much as it does with others. like yes i will sing along (and scream the bridge, bc it carries the whole song in my opinion) but i would much rather listen to something else off of lover. but i can definitely see myself coming to love this song so much if i put the effort in, but to be perfectly honest i have not done that 😭😭

london boy: 4.25/5

'show me a grey sky, a rainy cab ride, babe don't threaten me with a good time'

yet again. why so much hate for such a cute song?? it captures the feeling of being in love so well, and it's just so upbeat and fun. also, after the breakup and 'so long, london', it hits so different and in a good way tbh. it was also one of the first songs from lover that i genuinely would never skip, and for that reason i listened to it too much (which is why i didn't rank it a little higher). london boy is such a bop and i will never be convinced otherwise

soon you'll get better:

false god: 5/5

'and you can't talk to me when i'm like this, daring you to leave me just so i can try and scare you'

everyone and their MOTHER knows how obsessed i am with this song. i will never, ever get sick of it and it's so slept on!! why does everyone always rank it so low?? the jazzy saxophone, the outro, the metaphors, everything about this song just slaps so hard. definitely in my top five ts songs out of all her albums, i just love it so much. no words for this song except for perfection. taylor really ate with this and only few can recognise it, i really wish she would write more false god/so it goes/i don't wanna live forever/dress-esque songs

you need to calm down: 3.25/5

'and we see you over there on the internet, comparing all the girls who are killing it'

this song is honestly such a bop and fine to vibe to but again... compared to other songs on lover it would not be ranked very high. the bridge is so fun tho and her expressions she makes during singing the bridge at the eras tour are so fun. also i more often than not find myself skipping it but at the same time i do find myself craving it. also the 'idon'twannamesswithyourselfexpression' part is so fun to rap to fr

afterglow: 4.5/5

'this ultraviolet morning light below, tell me this love is worth the fight, oh'

i don't think afterglow is AS underrated as some others, but i feel like it's really overshadowed by daylight. the 'woah's and 'oh's in this song are SO GOOD, and the lyrics are just out of this world. tbh i've only really started being obsessed with this song recently, but it's genuinely such a banger. the performance of it at the eras tour was SO GOOD, genuinely made me want to cry. it's kind of like cornelia street, in the sense that it initially sounds like a sweet, yearning love song but is really just 'you're losing me' prior to the realisation that a relationship needs effort from both sides to make it work...

me!: 3/5

'and when we had that fight out in the rain, you ran after me and called my name'

I WILL ALWAYS DEFEND THIS SONG. it's so fun and upbeat, and (i think?) one of the few songs which highlight individuality and being different. i don't understand the hate for it, and it's genuinely disappointing to see how some people reacted to having me as a surprise song at the eras tour- i can sympathise with not liking the song, but being downright annoyed or angry is unjustified. i feel like if people genuinely tried to like it, they could- also, i think i feel like it's a 'thing' now where people just hate me! only because everyone else does, because in some comments sections you'll find EVERYONE defending it and in others EVERYONE absolutely slamming it

it's nice to have a friend: 3.25/5

'light pink sky up on the roof, sun sinks down, no curfew'

again, underrated and slept on. i like the 'ooh's throughout the whole song, it makes it sound so nostalgic and makes you miss something that you never had. i love the platonic aspect of this song as well as the undertones of friends to lovers- it's one of those songs that will never be uninteresting. the only reason i have not ranked it higher is yet again, there are other songs on lover that i would choose over inthaf any day

daylight: 3.75/5

'i don't wanna look at anything else now that i saw you'

this would probably be a little higher however afterglow really outdoes this song for me (idk why but i've always associated these two songs together 😭😭. however i will say this bridge was written so well, however i'm not sure if i like the key change in the bridge, i prefer the lower (again, forgive my lack of technical terms ejhdbjwh) pitch/tone she sings the rest of the song in. but i do like the fact that this is the last track of the album, i think it really fits and is just such a great conclusion to the whole thing, and the whole idea about there being 'daylight' after a 'dark night' and how that parallels that this song is the last on lover.

[la-principessa-nuova]

I need goals. Like long term ones. Because I’m laying here in bed at nearly 1 PM on my last day off work (there’s still the weekend, but last of my actual PTO days I took this week), and I don’t want to be here. My back is kinda sore, and I’d like to get up. But I don’t know what to do when I do.

Like sure, I can temporarily distract myself with brushing my teeth, washing my face, etc. I can focus on short term needs like lunch, but then what?

Like there are things I want to do, like write a book, or maybe more appropriately things I’d like to have done, and I’d like to find a partner and all that stuff, but like none of it feels like a goal.

When I was in college there was always graduating and getting a job. And then I wanted to move on to bigger and better things in my career, but I lost interest in that. And then there was buying a house and I did that. But nothing has felt like an actual goal since then.

Even transitioning doesn’t quite feel like that. Like I want to stop hating all the things about my body that I want to change, and sometimes I get that feeling like transitioning is going to open up the possibility of a future, but like what future?

And I think about the fact that I spend so much time alone and I think I should make friends and start hanging out with people but what will that do for me? Provide some momentary distraction? It would be fun in the moment. Why is that not the goal? Is it because it seems exhausting, overwhelming? I feel like work takes everything out of me to a point where even on my week off I can’t do anything worth doing because if it’s not done this week it’s too much if it carries to next week.

And I think this is why there’s still that voice of doubt in the back of my mind that creeps in whenever my thoughts get a little too practical and panics that I shouldn’t transition, that I’ve just gotten stuck in my head about all of this, because the only goals I can imagine are the ones presented to me by society.

It’s so much easier to follow the blueprint you’re handed. Go to school, get a job, climb the corporate ladder, find a wife, settle down, have kids, raise kids, retire, wait around for your grandkids to visit, die. You don’t have to think for yourself, just follow one step to the next and the next goal is clear. Even if you feel empty inside there’s a direction to drift towards and momentary distractions to keep you from thinking too hard about what you want while you step day-by-day through life.

But then I had to go and think about it. And now I realize that there is something I want. I always knew there was because I always have this feeling in my heart like I’m hungry but not for food even if sometimes I confuse the two. And I don’t know what it is, but there is a desire for fulfillment. And I want to reach whatever that feeling is, but I just don’t know how.

But I know that the thought transitioning makes me feel better. It’s scary as hell, but it takes away some of the emotional pain. And people say that therapy helps and honestly I don’t have any clue how it could but I’m giving it a shot. Suddenly this paragraph feels very hopeful and it feels poetic if I crescendo into an uplifting point, but I don’t have one.

I’m not happy and I don’t know what can make me. I feel like between the way I grew up and my particular brand of neurodivergence and the effects of the pandemic, I just don’t know how to be happy anymore. I don’t know how to initiate a social situation. I don’t want to initiate a social situation but also I do. I desperately crave human connection and yet I am terrified of having any amount of responsibility to maintain a relationship.

There is a part of me that sees my current social situation as rock bottom and a part that sees it as having struck gold because there are no expectations on me. I want to talk to someone but if someone messages me I typically don’t respond. And if I do it’s a day late and it goes nowhere.

And I don’t know, just in general, I feel like I want to do more, but I want to do it instead of work. I don’t even play games or anything any more. I watch Dropout and some YouTube videos and that’s it. I haven’t read a book since December and only a couple chapters of manga. I did read a couple web comics but most binged over a couple days. I started a bunch of games this week and only played for like an hour and I was having fun but I felt like I needed to stop and have no desire to come back to them other than some sense of obligation to finish.

[angstfactory]

Fitzroy's lips stretched into a wider smile, chuckling along with the other man over the joke. "Hearts break all the time," he commented, shoulders lifting in such a 'what-can-you-do' sort of way, "whether intentional or not.. It just so happens, I would be glad for the opportunity, regardless. At least I got the chance to have you -- by you, I mean a general 'you'," he clarified, with a playful grin, just so Avery wouldn't fret himself on thinking Fitzroy truly had some deep-seeded feelings that developed for him. "I know not everyone feels that way, of course. It is never easy to turn out on the empty side of things, I suppose, but memories hold weight. You existed before them, you will exist after them, too, but enriched from their indelible mark on you. In other words, I would never regret loving you, despite how we may turn out. Whether we end together or not, would not change that I ever loved you." He was honestly, rather enjoying this insightful and deep conversation with his new friend Avery, as it happened on the steps of some random bar after they performed an impromptu set together. This would already be a highlight of his time here this year in Raven's Peak, he could already tell. Fitzroy pulled the saxophone between his legs, observing the shy man. "Rather shrewd of you," he found, coming to like the man further. Here he had just been offered anything he wanted for this studio, almost, and yet he was pragmatic with the response. It meant that Avery was serious, he wanted to earn his name through the hard work and enjoyment of it all. "I shall be your first client, then," he offered, with a grin.

He came to give his instrument a couple of soft but affectionate pats, before his arm hugged around it lightly. Like it might as well be some favored plushie that he never wanted to lose. "I'll give you my number," he said, leaning forward now as another band was starting and made it a bit harder on them to hear each other, "and you call me anytime you need someone on stage with you." Fitzroy loved to play. These days, he didn't seem to get to play as often as he would want to. Especially with friends. That would be so much fun, to just sit around with a group of people he cared about, in some private jam session where they were just goofing around and having fun. "Yes, forgive me," he smirked, "I know I fortune cookie a lot sometimes. Bad habit. I read a lot of daily affirmations and inspiring quotes all the time, it helps to uplift the spirit."

He pointed. "See? You already are so considerate and go out of your way to make sure she is not uncomfortable," Fitzroy explained, "that I cannot imagine she would see it any hardship to stay friends with you." It was his turn to feel his face flush a bit, as Avery spoke of how he should be a romance author. "I am not so fanciful, am I?" he teeth came down to lightly rake over his bottom lip in consideration. "Maybe I am," he allowed then, laughing at himself. "I can't help to be a romantic -- it feels nice, to know when someone is thinking of you." His hand came up to pat Avery's arm as the other man squeezed his shoulder. "Trust me, you will regret the missed opportunity. The worst she will do is say no.." he paused, adding jokingly, "Or go for your family jewels, eh?" Laughing, he smiled at Avery. "I know we only met tonight but somehow... I think you will survive a 'no', mate. Might just sting for a while." Perhaps more than a mere sting, too, but the point was, Avery would come out of it.

His blue eyes meet the other man's greens as he feels his cheeks getting hot again, "I mean... Not terrible" to be honest he wasn't sure this whole someone having a crush on him had happened before (even knowing Fitz was joking, of course) he just was completly oblivious to those things, you have to be direct with Avery most time or it would just go over his head, "I just don't wanna end up breaking your heart," he jokes, chuckling a little, so fitz would know he was playing around. "For now, I want to start small, I'm still making a name for myself, so a home studio is the ideal, until I feel I'm ready for the upgrade," not that he thought he wasn't good at what he did he just wanted to take things slow until his name was more out there and he would be more noticiable in the business.

"Good! Then for sure we need to do this jam session again, not to brag but we sound fucking awesome," he laughs, nodding at the others next words, "Hey, no judgent from here, man, I think you're a nice person regardless of getting kisses or not," and he honestly did, the situation was explained they moved to friendly territory, simple and easy as that. "I guess," he nods, "huh, you know my dad is big believer on the whole everything happens for a reason, he'd for sure agree with you on that," he chuckles, giving another nod of his head, "Not that I don't by the way, that's... Very insightful."

"No, if anything I always make sure I'm careful not to say or do something that makes her umconfortable," once again, Avery finds himself nodding at the others words, "You're right," he smiles at that, "woah you should be a romance novel writter," he jokes, placing his hand on Fitz shoulder he gives it a little squeeze, "all jokes aside, thank you. Thats very good advice," it was , he just need to get the nerve to bring it up with her. "I do care," he smiles "a lot. I just don't wanna make your friendship weird, but you're right, if I never say anything, I'll never know."

[lacroixqueen]

god i wish you thought this through before i went and fell in love with you (sevika x reader, heavy angst)

Summary: sevika tells reader she can't see her anymore after she took over the undercity. it's just too dangerous.

Pairing: sevika x reader

Word Count: 1.2k

Tags: angst for days, breakup, heartbreak, arguments, kissing in the rain, sleepless nights, yada yada yada

Author's Note: olivia rodrigo stans rise? traitor inspired this, okay.

“I can’t see you anymore.”

“What?”

You were sitting lazily on her lap, taking a long drag from the cigarette you were both sharing. You were almost in a state of disbelief. Did those words really come out of her mouth?

“What do you mean?” you asked, turning around to face her. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine, sweetheart,” she said, taking the cigarette and putting it out in the ashtray next to her. She picked up your wrist and kissed the back of your hand lovingly. “I just… don’t want you to get hurt. I can’t ever take that risk.”

“I’m not going to get hurt!” you protested, resting your head against her shoulder. “I promise. I’ll be safe. Nothing bad is going to happen. You don’t have to worry so much about me.”

“You can’t guarantee that..” she sighed, as she pressed her lips against your forehead.

You bit your lip, trying your hardest not to audibly cry. At the bottom of your heart, you knew that this conversation was coming ever since Sevika officially took over the undercity after Silco’s death.

People started watching her, and paying attention to her every move, even more so than they did before. She was someone everyone admired, respected, and feared. A true, shining leader. Someone who was powerful enough to liberate the city of iron and glass and forge the nation of Zaun with her own hands.

But they knew she only had one weakness, one Achilles heel. Something that someone could use against her. It was you.

“Then.. what should we do?” you looked up, your tearstained face glistening in the dim lighting of the Gardens parlor.

She gently wiped away your wet tear with her thumb, kissing away more teardrops on your cheek. You could tell she didn’t want to say too much. She knew you were delicate. She always picked her words carefully. It was one of the things you loved so much about her.

“I.. don’t think you should come over anymore,” she said, her voice low. “I don’t think I can see you at the Gardens either.”

“What about The Last Drop?” you suggested, looking up at her, eyes desperately searching for any glimmer of hope. “Maybe we can go when it’s really early so no one sees us or-”

“No,” she cut you off, voice stern. “I’m sorry, Y/N.”

“So what now?” you asked, “Is it just.. over?”

Sevika gently pushed you off her lap, standing up from the couch. “Yeah. It’s over.”

“Fine.”

You lit up another cigarette, taking a deep inhale. Sevika could tell you were angry. She didn’t want to say anything to upset you even more. So she left. She didn’t know if it would be the last time she would ever see you. But she knew spending even one more minute, one more second with you would put you in even more danger.

She had people to take care of, a city to uplift, a war to fight. Sometimes, she questioned why she even fell in love with you in the first place. Who she thought was just a one night stand at the Gardens became someone she cared about so deeply. She was willing to do anything for you, even die for you. She never wanted you to come in harm’s way.

But she knew because of the politics, the infighting, the stark reality of her world, that she had no other choice but to walk away from you for good. It killed her on the inside, it did. But losing you was too big of a price for her to pay.

Meanwhile, you laid down on your side on the sofa, tightly clutching a throw pillow against your chest. You wished that things could be different. That you didn’t lose your temper so easily, that she could just turn back around and kiss you and tell you everything would be okay, and that you would both figure it out together.

You felt your hot, searing tears roll down your cheek and your heart pounding so hard against your chest you wanted to throw up.

It was basically impossible for you to fall asleep that night. For one, it was pouring rain, and secondly, you were still only thinking about one person: Sevika. Every single time you closed your eyes and felt yourself drifting off, you only jerked back awake.

Something within you told you that you had to see her tonight. Because if you didn’t… she really would disappear forever from your life. You gently shrugged on a cloak and boots, tiptoeing across the creaky wooden floorboards and staircase of the Gardens.

You quickly weaved your way through the empty, rainy streets of the Lanes. It was so late in the night that even Sevika was definitely at home. You just needed to see her. To hear her voice. To feel her touch against your skin. You were so scared she was going to vanish, and that if you didn’t do something fast, she really would be gone.

You maneuvered over her street, walked up to her front door and knocked. No response. You knocked again. Still no response.

“Sevika, I know you’re in there,” you called out. “Open the door.”

You were right, of course. Sevika was a chronic insomniac. She hardly ever slept.

“Open the door..” you pounded against the surface a bit harder this time. “Please..”

You heard some light shuffling coming from inside the house. But still no one came.

“I’m sorry..” you wept, looking down at your boots. The raindrops were relentless, even beginning to soak through your cloak. “I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you today. It’s just that… it’s not fair. I want to be there for you. I want to protect you. I know you’re scared that I’ll get hurt, and I’m scared too, but… but for you it’s worth it. You probably don’t ever want to see me again, but just know that I tried and I will always try for you and.. I’m just sorry. I.. I love you.”

There was a moment of white noise. Nothing except the pitter-pattering of rain against the uneven cobblestones and metal rooftops.

Then, you heard it. The metal doorknob turned, and there she was. Sevika didn’t hesitate to grab you, and kiss you hard. You stood on your tiptoes so you could kiss her back, absentmindedly wrapping your arms around her neck. Her warm, thick lips melted against yours, her tongue slipping into your mouth while she picked you up under your thighs so she could carry you inside, kicking the door so it closed behind her.

She set you down on top of her kitchen counter, continuing to kiss you, running her large hands up and down the curve of your waist and hips.

“Sevika, I-” you tried to fit in a word between her kisses.

“Stop talking,” she said, tilting your face up so her stormy, gray eyes bore into yours. “You don’t have to say anything else.”

“Okay,” you nodded, another tear sliding down your face.

Sevika wiped it away with her thumb, and kept kissing you. And kissing you.

She didn’t want to focus on anything else besides your lips. She didn’t want to think about the consequences this choice would bring her in the future. That she was abandoning all logic and choosing to follow her heart.

But all she knew was that in this moment, she loved you and wanted to be with you only.

Even if it meant that you would inevitably be her greatest downfall.

[thehighestmountains]

midnights by taylor swift review im back for another first listen release review. the majority of songs i love (bolded i will stand and die by) and enjoy but there are some skips. i think this album has a lot more variety than her last two albums that will pertain to a lot more people, but is less focused on one sound like folklore. off the bat, i doesnt eclipse any of my favs (folklore and reputation), but hm it might fight reputation, it reminds me of a more mature reputation and is more experimental with vocals and instrumentals. lets dive in:

lavender haze - the electronic start of this song with "meet me at midnight" is so danceable. i love the "yeah oh yeah"s, they are so goood. this song just makes me want to move, im obsessed.

maroon - the verses dont do a whole lot for me, a little boring and 2 drum beats, but i love the whole chorus "the burgundy on my t-shirt when you splashed your wine into me" and the "maroon"s coming in louder and louder throughout the song. anti-hero - this song is kind of funny and cheeky, despite the words being super dark (my fav "when my depression works the graveyard shift, all of the people ive ghosted stand there in the room"). i thought the "its me, hi, im the problem, its me" was a little lame, but its growing a lot of me after 2 listens.

snow on the beach - theres like two speeds in this album, one electronic and other side super soft and slow, this one being the later side. in contrast to some of my other favorite songs, it doesnt quite hit as dramatically but i do enjoy its dreamy, light verses and "weird but fucking beautiful". youre on your kid - this little indie beat is so sweet and her spoken "youre on your own kid, you always have been" is perfect, uplifting, brings me peace. i also love the verse, prechorus, verse, chorus pattern. it tells a story from beginning to end, and i love a story. midnight rain - the beginning!!! the contrast of her electronically-deepened voice is so fun against the first line "my town was a wasteland". the soft claps, the drum beat, "picture perfect shiny family holiday peppermint candy" wrap everything together. question..? - i dont love the chorus lyrics, its far too specific. the tone of the song also stays very flat and i dont really love the bridge either especially that autotuned "tonightttt". lmao the clapping and cheering. but the song isnt like annoying or anything so ill listen to it more. vigilante shit - super reputation-like "are you ready for it" sound. i only like this song when she sings "don't get sad, get even". i live for the spice on the "even", its maybe one of my favorite lines in the whole album, but the song itself is bottom tier. bejeweled - i cant with this song. the way she sings *shimmer*, i cant do it. the rhymes at the end of the songs "man / remember", the childish "nice!", "i miss sparkling". cant relate. labyrinth - for a song that is about falling in love, its far too chill and i dont like the weird floob-floob sounds scattered throughout. the vocals are so soft and the instrumentals are random.

karma - this song is an easy fan favorite that blew up on tiktok immediately and im clapping riding that train. its catchy, its funny, its "sweet like honey". this makes me love taylor.

sweet nothing - this funky lullaby is a sweet love song and reminds me of delicate "you must like me for me". the choruses are much better than the verses though, like lol wut "i wrote a poem, you say what a mind, this happens all the time".

mastermind - obsessed with the intro beats and "checkmate i couldnt lose", but the "im a mastermind" and the whole song makes me think really, did you plan your current relationship, kind of weird and creepy sorry (3am track time!) the great war - the chorus is so strong and catchy "my hand was the one you reached for all throughout the great war". i also just like the messaging that her current relationship carried her through this huge drama. bigger than the whole sky - i do like the sound of the background instruments, some of the lyrics im not a huge fan of like "did some bird flap its wing over asia" and etc, and "shouldve been couldve been" feels like it shouldve been in another song. the song just flows past you and its over. paris - uh excuse me? rhyming paris with (some)where else?? genius. the verses are witty and i cant wait to learn them: "drew a map on your bedroom ceiling". also anyone else notice in the bridge "at midnight in my mind" sounds just like daylight. this feels very much meant for lover but it still fits.

high infidelity - the piano and vocals are straight out of evermore but all the beeping and button sounds brings it into the midnights era. im also getting strong renegade energy ("are you really gonna talk about timing in times like these?") from "do i really have to ...". i love "put on your records and regret meeting me, put on your headphones and burn my city". there are some things i would change about the song but overall its good. glitch - the background static and "oh oh ooh"s add velvet and warmth to the song, despite the kind of boring lyrics "i think theres been a glitch im fastening myself to you with a stitch". she writes this glitch/system/static/counterfeit/malfunction metaphor but it never really sticks 100% for me. its just missing something to tie it all together. would've, could've, should've - this song is impressively balanced, with such strong verses, choruses, and bridges. "if youd never looked my way i wouldve stayed on my knees". dear reader - heavenly vocals with a melody that actually surprised me, and a bridge that feels liberating like taylor is finally telling you her truth. the way she manipulates her voice electronically adds so much interest and intrigue to the song. overall, taylor does not disappoint yet again with a funky fun album with a song for everyone.

[barelysanereviews]

2022 Midyear Faves

Shaniqua

To say that 2022 has been tough on me is an understatement. It felt like a putting out a series of wildfires, each one springing to life immediately after the last one died, wreaking havoc on my health (physical and mental), self-esteem, relationships, and finances in turn. But in the middle of that mess, I managed to find some shining lights in the darkness to keep me, as we like to say, barely sane.

(Side note: I recently went through our archives on a whim, and can you believe BSR started in May 2014??? What a ride it has been.)

Music:

We've already revealed ourselves to be kpop fans, so there's no point hiding it now. Unfortunately, kpop was one of the major natural disasters in my life this year as my favorite group disbanded around my birthday. Maybe I'll finally post my kpop journey on here as a tribute to them, but in the meantime, here are the songs I've clung onto to fill the void.

fromis_9 - DM

I've managed to chop up this song into bits that basically narrate my life, from the opening soliloquy "Hey you, 지금 뭐해?", to the very cathartic "Doesn't matter~~~!" every chorus, to the release of energy in that whistle note towards the end. It's just an oddly comforting bop that I keep coming back to, and I'm happy to say that I fell in love with the girls' discography in the process. Stream Stay This Way!

(G)I-DLE - Tomboy

I've followed Soyeon since Produce 101 (the curse/blessing that got me into kpop) and have stanned (G)I-DLE since their debut. I gotta say - Tomboy is a masterpiece. The way they came back with a shot heard around the world after losing a member and a year of solo activities is the cheffiest kiss. (6)I-DLE forever.

Honorable Mentions: VIVIZ - Loveade; Le Sserafim - Fearless; Taeyeon - INVU; and of course, NU'EST - Again

Film:

Love and Leashes (2022)

Though I watched last year's Let Me Be Your Knight for my bias, my favorite discovery of 2021 was Lee Junyoung. His character Taein was so endearing and charming, but a bit too similar to his previous roles. When I heard he was going to star alongside SNSD's Seohyun in a movie about BDSM, I had no idea what to expect. What I got instead was a weirdly sweet and loving film about two people learning to trust each other as they navigate their own preferences and desires. So excited for what he's going to do next, with or without barking.

Honorable Mentions: Turning Red, Minari

TV:

Do we still call it TV if we don't watch it on a TV?

Strangers From Hell

I actually watched more kdramas this year than I usually do to fill the void that Nu'est left behind, so I got to watch some of the more popular ones as they aired. But what can I say, I'll always be a sucker for a good dark kdrama. This one features one of my faves, Im Siwan, as he slowly goes insane from living in a rundown goshiwon whose inhabitants may or may not be murderers.

Pretty Proofreader

One thing I love about jdramas is that they can make anything - from an underrated sport to an overlooked profession - sound rewarding and exciting, and this charming little story about a wannabe fashion editor who gets assigned to the proofreading department of her favorite magazine is no different. As a fellow optimist, I felt so represented by Etsuko. Satomi Ishihara's extra outfits paired with her uplifting smile got me through Covid.

Honorable Mentions: My Liberation Notes, A Business Proposal, Spy x Family, Alchemy of Souls (ongoing)

Colleen

I watched a lot of TV shows the first half of the year because ya girl was unemployed for a while. Here are my top 5 picks and some honorable mentions.

TV:

Our Beloved Summer

I don't know why, but I got so obsessed with this show. Choi Woo Shik and Kim Da Mi had so much chemistry, and their characters just drew me in. The show is about two high school students--the top student (Yeon Su, played by Da Mi) and the bottom-ranking student (Ung, played by Woo Shik)--who are put together for a documentary. After getting to know each other while shooting the documentary, they fall in love and date for years. They eventually break up but are forced to reunite to do a sequel to the documentary, this time documenting their lives as adults. There was just something about the way the story was written, how well Woo Shik and Da Mi played the characters, and the summer vibe and visuals of the show. It just sucked me in. I rewatched scenes a million times and even did an ugly drawing inspired by a scene in the show. I look forward to seeing these two work together again.

My Liberation Notes

I love a kdrama that follows a group of characters and really digs deep into each one. You would think that the romance in this would be highlighted more than the character arcs (because kdrama), but the show balanced the romance and the characters' growth really well. There were several moments in this show where I saw myself in the characters and it also made bold story choices. I knew this would be good because the show's writer, Park Hae Young, also wrote My Mister which I also really liked.

Film:

Moonlit Winter

I found out about this film on IG, where I saw that Kim So Hye (of Produce 101 fame) starred in a film a few years back. I liked the aesthetics of this film, the slow pace, the quiet affection between the characters. It had the same vibe as Little Forest, and it also had that mother-daughter journey from miscommunication to friendship. The mother's story is heartbreaking and is not often told, and I liked how the film subtly subverted narrative tropes and let her story of yearning overflow.

Strawberry Shortcakes

This one's a rewatch. I saw it years ago, and although I forgot about the title and most of the story, I found it interesting how I still remembered a few parts of it even years after. I decided to rewatch it this year to refresh my memory and see why the film stuck with me. Strawberry Shortcakes shows the inner lives of four Japanese women: a sex worker who sleeps in a coffin and has a singular obsession with a man she knows from high school; a stone-worshipping assistant whose innocence sticks out in a workplace that sells sex; a sleep-deprived, solitary artist struggling to succeed in a money-driven industry; and an office worker who's looking for love. It's rare to see a story that revolves around a group of women who live complex lives, and the film also makes notable choices in cinematography.

Book

The Soulmate Equation

Romance novels are perfect for me right now: not too deep, but enough to make me feel things and escape life. This one is really cute and has an interesting premise: Jess, a single mom and statistics expert, gets matched with River Peña, the cold-hearted creator of a dating app called GeneticAlly, which matches people based on their DNA compatibility. If you're looking for a lighthearted romance read, check this out.