#so many times they were so close to smth amazing and then they MISS IT

[lildoodlenoodle]

HII just discovered your blog. Spider-noir’s appearance in spider verse + your blog has captivated me lol and because you are a master in all things spider-noir I was wondering if you could help recommend me a reading order for the comics and where would I read them on. Thank you in advance!! (p.s. I love reading your analysis your brain is HUGE)

Ok ok, first: Thank you!!! I love this character and trust I got a lot more to say, and the fact that people enjoy that always makes me happy!

Now reading order: Ok for any comic book character this can be tricky. Cause there tends to be a lot of crossover between different comics. I do plan to eventually have a full reading order list posted for each character in the spiderverse movies but it’s very difficult, because of the way the spiderverse/spidergeddon comics are set up, to focus on one specific character. Luckily for noir his comics start outside of spidergeddon, so you’re not being thrown into a complicated storyline right out the gate.

His first run is Spider-Man Noir#1-4. His second run is Spider-Man Noir: Eyes Without A Face #1-4. I personally plan to eventually buy the comics because I reference them so much, but currently I just 🏴‍☠️. The easiest way is to just type in the issue you want and then ‘read free online’. The pop up ads are pretty bad on some sites so be warned.

After these comics is when it gets tricky, and eventually I’ll have a full post detailing his specific appearances but until I get that concrete timeline down I’d recommend starting with these, especially if you don’t want to read all of spidergeddon. It’s also worth mentioning that there is a pretty big time jump from these comics to all the ones after. Like we are way past WW2 by the second group of comics. There is a lot(by a lot I mean me and a couple of mutuals) of discourse about characterization, narrative direction, and storyline changes in the new ones compared to the old ones. It doesn’t feel like the same character and a lot of things don’t make sense or don’t add up when looking at the old and new comics as one cohesive story. And it would be wrong to put someone on these comics without a massive trigger warning for a bunch of stuff, especially in Eyes Without A Face. There are a lot of heavy topics and they aren’t always handled well or even at all, and it can definitely be triggering, so read with caution. Below the cut I’ll do some actually trigger warnings if you feel like you might need it.

Trigger Warnings:

(This list might not be complete but this is what immediately comes to mind)

Ableism(mostly by the narrative), blood/gore, body horror, cannibalism, death, drug abuse, drug overdose, general disturbing imagery, general violence, gender violence, gun violence, homophobia, lobotomy, medical violence and malpractice, Nazis, racial violence, racism, SA, and suicide.

[faeriichaii]

hellooo, i love your writing could i please request angst to fluff where legolas is frustrated and busy he calls reader clingy so the reader sort of distances themselves? no rush ofc but keep up the amazing work 🫶🫶🫶

Words like Poison ~ Legolas x Elf!Reader

A/N: Hii!! Omg thank you so much <33 I haven't written anything with angst in such a long time so I am very very excited haha 🥰Also I hope you don't mind that reader is an elf :) Ngl I accidentally wrote like a bit of a different plot at first and like halfway through I was like 'no this is totally not the request??' So yeah haha I guess I did like 2 in 1 just that the other is only the start of smth and this is like a complete thing :)

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Warnings: fluff, lil bit angst ࿐ྂ ⇢ ˗ˏˋ Words: 1.1k ࿐ྂ ⇢ ˗ˏˋ Request: Yes (thank you <33) ࿐ྂ ⇢ ˗ˏˋ Meleth Nin ~ My Love ࿐ྂ

Summary: Your beloved prince is stressed and busy with his duties. So, when you approach him to try and lighten the mood, he lets his frustration out on you.

You were walking towards the library of Mirkwood, as you spotted a familiar head of white blonde hair entering said room. Legolas and you have known each other since your childhood. Both of you constantly playing with each other, weaving flower crowns or painting each other some pictures. Even as the two of you grew older, you never ceased to spend time together. Either reading a book or eating some fruits in the garden while enjoying the sun. Or reading about the history of Middle Earth, as well as chores you had to fulfil in your positions. Nothing could stop you two from being with each other and working through it together.

It was only natural that after a while your heart skipped a little more every time you saw him. The warmth that brushed your cheeks every time you two sat a little too close. Or the way the butterflies swirled around in your tummy when he looked at you with his beautiful captivating eyes. It didn’t take Legolas long to notice that your attitude towards him shifted. He also noticed how your smile made his day a little brighter than normal and how your laugh made his body feel warm and content with love.

So, at one beautiful spring evening he asked you if he could braid your hair and of course you obliged. Ever since then the bond between the both of you only strengthened. However, nowadays you rarely catch a glimpse of the elven prince. He was constantly hiding away either in the study room of his father, king Thranduil, or in the library. You haven’t even seen him in a week, so you decided to approach the library and try to find Legolas. Opening the wooden doors, you entered into the enormous room, filled with books and scrolls. Your eyes landed on your prince, who was sitting on one of the many tables. Books were piling up on the side. A smile formed on your lips as you approached him.

“Meleth Nin, I have been missing you.” You said gently, trying not to startle Legolas. His gaze quickly darted to you, before moving back to the book in front of him. “I am sorry, but I really am very busy at the moment.” He said, writing down into the notebook. “I know, but you have been working day and night and I barely got a moment with you.” Pulling out a chair, you sat beside him. Silence settled between the both of you. You pulled out your own book and read a few words, before your attention drifted back to the prince. “If you want to we could go-“ “(Y/N) stop whining around! I told you I was busy and I really can’t deal with your clingy attitude at the moment.” Your lips parted as you felt little cracks form into your heart. You tried to say something, anything, but nothing came out. The lump in your throat prevented you from uttering anything in your defence. Your eyes started to burn slightly as the words Legolas spat into your direction settled into your mind and travelled through your whole body, encasing you in utter sadness and discomfort. Quickly packing your book back into your bag you wiped away the few tears that spilled from your eyes. “I apologize your majesty. I will leave you to it.” No warmth was left in your voice as you turned around and quickly left the library, the soft mutter of your name from Legolas lips following you out.

Days passed and you haven’t seen the prince anywhere. Most of the day you spend cooped up in your chambers, reading or trying to fill the canvas with colour. However, your mind was too jumbled up to remember the sentences on the pages, neither could you focus on what to draw. A sigh left your lips as you decided to take a walk around the beautiful garden of Mirkwood. Walking along the stone path your fingers gently brushed against the petals of the Hortensia bush. Your heart still ached at the harsh words Legolas said and at the distance you tried to keep between the both of you. It was hard not constantly seeing him or sharing your experiences of the day with him. “Meleth Nin…” Your eyes widened as you noticed that Legolas suddenly stood in front of you. His gaze was filled with sadness, as he looked at you. “My prince.” Your tone was cold, as you tried to sidestep him. However, he had something else in mind as he gently grasped your wrist. “Please (Y/N) hear me out.” His hand moved lower from your wrist, in order to entangle his fingers with your own. “I am so sorry about what I said.” Your eyes locked with his own, as you got lost in the beautiful shimmer of them. “I should have never said that you were clingy. Meleth Nin, I love you.” His free hand grasped your cheek gently. Warmth spread from his touch through your body, your heart skipping a beat with glee. You missed Legolas. You missed him dearly.

“I can’t stand the silence between us. I can’t stand that we are apart more than just a few hours. My soul and heart belong to you and I ache for you every second we are apart. Please Meleth Nin, forgive me.” His forehead touched yours, as he leaned towards you. “I love you.” After these words left his lips, you leaned into him and gave him a kiss. Your hands held the back of his neck softly, while his moved from your face to your waist, holding you close. His lips were soft against yours. His touch was gentle, as he lets his finger trail from your waist to your back to pull you even closer. As if he was scared that you might slip through his grasp. “I love you Legolas. But please, never utter these words to me. You hurt me deeply.” You said, after the tow departed from your kiss.

“I will never say something like that to you again. I am sorry, really, I am. I just was so stressed and overwhelmed with the workload my father gave me.” A sigh left his lips, still holding onto you. You put a hand on his cheek, softly stroking his face with your thumb. He leaned into your touch. “I know it has been hard for you, but please tell me if something is going on next time.” A smile graced your lips, as the prince gently nodded before pulling you in for another loving kiss.  

[fandomkingdom18]

seven curtis brothers au but it's their family dynamics hcs

for @wannabe-goth-babe who commented and i just couldn't resist making another list of hcs

since two bit is all goofy, friendly as a kid growing up to present day, he's always been close with his siblings but ever since their parents passed, he had to slow some of his bad habits to help provide for his brothers as the only other newly legal adult in his family

so while he helps (or at least tries to) darry manage all the stuff he's responsible for, he also spends his time keeping morale up while darry is busy

but steve and soda would usually already be doing something cause they're nerds (probably a whole ahhh championship for arm wrestling)

and johnny would usually be with pony since dally is often out

but when he wasn't he would sometimes be in the middle of losing to johnny in some card game

so pony would just sit somewhere and read or be at the piano, playing around with some melodies and two-bit couldnt tell if pony was lonely or just in the zone

but two still would walk over and look at his sheet music and ask him what he was playing because he would usually recognize it because a lot of the sheet music was put together by their mother who would always play it to them

and while everyone else is minding their own business, two would sit down at the piano next to pony

and pony would teach him the things their mother taught him, since two had never wanted to learn, something he he regretted after losing their parents. passing up on chances to spend time together

and two didn't wanna make that mistake again

he learned how to identify the keys and play a few chords

and two played the lower harmonies with those chords while pony played the higher melody

(guys im picturing the scene from the princess switch if you know what i mean except platonic)

(therefore lets pretend its christmas time or smth for a moment and they're playing carol of the bells :D)

and their brothers would hear and turn around and look on in amazement because respectfully, its hard to get two-bit to sit down for extended periods of time. especially at the piano.

and after they finished the song, two would ruffle at pony's hair, pull him close into a side hug and thank him for being so patient with him

and pony feels all happy since no one really had time for something like that because no one else likes music as much except darry and he always has something to do

but two-bit was always good at making him feel seen

like two bit has common sense but he's still techncially a teen so sometimes he and pony would sneak out and do silly dumb things and go to the playground and joke around before sneaking back home as if nothing happened

mostly cause two knows that pony hasn't had as many opportunities to be a real teen since he was freshly a teenager when their parents passed so two just wants to make it feel real for him

and while two is technically still enrolled in school, he doesn't have to go. so when ponyboy or someone else is sick or smth he stays home to take care of them and cheer them up so darry doesn't have to miss work

and like brother, like brother, two and pony are both insanely stubborn when they're sick and stubborn in trying to help each other so it's chaos but they make it work in the end

unlike steve and pony when they were home alone together after catching the same cold

if they weren't so fatigued and sick they would've really went at each others throats

instead it's steve laying on the couch and pony across darry's arm chair trying to figure out how the other is responsible for the cold going through their family

(they've always had a rocky relationship)

if you were to ask steve why he "hates" ponyboy

he would say it's because the kid is a brat who has it better than the rest of them since he doesn't need to get a job and get in the stuff that mostly dally gets into

but if you were to ask him on a deeper level

he would say he's jealous. because for a while he and soda were closer than pages in a book and of course after johnny was born, they were all fussing over him, but with pony it was even more since he was the littlest of the littles

and pony always had to be included and as time went on, steve not only lost attention from his brothers, but also his parents

(and steve isn't the only one who feels like this)

(cough cough two bit cough cough dally)

dally practically got over it when he got older and two bit just ignored it for so long that he just doesn't think about it.

(it was real hard for two because he and darry had been so close but he knows that everyone else is more important)

if you were to ask ponyboy why he thinks steve hates him

he would say its because steves a dumbass who focuses all his willpower into making his life too difficult.

but if you were to ask him on a deeper level

he would say it's because he thinks hes annoying and holding everyone down

that he's too sentimental and stupid for wanting something beyond a greaser in tulsa

pony genuinely thinks that darry, steve, and dally only put up with him since johnny, soda, and two-bit do

they're working on it

or at least they're going to

youngest bro of seven on the east side of tulsa vibes

like they do NOT let him do anything out of the ordinary or potentially risky

enter ponyboy's rebellious era

(this will be dived deeper into in the fic)

darry is the same except for being more cautious and protective over his brothers

soda's the same mostly with extra love warming his heart and everyone else around him

johnny still is more of a listener than a talker but he's more confident and like soda and darry when it comes to being a curtis bro

dally still has that tough exterior from his time participating in rough gangs but it's the mildest it's been in tulsa

(the curtises have lived in other places, i'll write ab more of this in a post soon)

keith daniel curtis is still a doofus

pony is mostly the same with the trials and tribulations with darry but multiplied by 6

steve is pretty chill. no daddy issues. except for the fact he's dead. just ponyboy issues. everyone else is alright tho.

back when it was only darry, two, and dally, two was playing major middle child because hes always been an outgoing kid, but dally used to be really shy so darry would always cheer him up and two would just sit there like o_o

so basically darry would always make sure dally was alright

but growing up, it became the opposite

dally usually checks in on him and stuff to make sure stuff is going well, offers to take stuff off of him like taking up more shifts at bucks so darry doesnt have to do an overwhelming amount of work

even tho darry was older by a few years, he was always more optimistic and dally hated that their parents just had to die and all of the pieces had to be picked up by darry. he was too young to have all of that on him.

so dally takes matters into his own hands sometimes just so darry gets some rest.

just to return the favor of darry always taking care of them.

[cognitosclowns]

I saw your Robotus NSFW Alphabet post and please GOD elaborate on him having a fleshlight based on Reader's pussy because he misses them. It's driving me insane your ideas are so good

YES ANON OFC I WILL <33 FAVE SHIT EVER ARE YOU KIDDING

nsfw below!! this is gonna be so long I'm so sorry MNSDMS

he didn't expect himself to miss you so much??

Like you're only gonna be out of town for 3 weeks, max. That's nothing. especially in comparison to how long of a life you two are gonna spend together, that IS nothing.

He repeats that a lot to himself during the coming days.

It's about halfway through the second that he starts missing missing you. Proper yearning. Not just surface level ‘wishing you were with him’ NOPE SMDNS

He’s absolutely lovesick. He finds himself missing every little detail about you.

The smell of your shampoo. The little glint in your eye when you flirt with him. Kissing your warm cheeks after you cum, the lazy smile that follows. The way your eyes light up when he makes a joke.

AND ITS STUPID. HE KNOWS ITS STUPID. ITS IDIOTIC YOU AREN'T ON MARS FOR FUCKS SAKES YOU'RE JUST A FEW STATES AWAY. YOU'LL BE HOME BY THE END OF THE MONTH. HE WANTS TO GRAB HIMSELF BY THE SHOULDERS AND SHAKE.

He feels so dramatic but. that changes nothing. he's still stuck in Yearning Hell.

He definitely tries masturbating, because that seems like the easiest way to tamp it down until you're back, but it isn't the same. 

Sure, he cums, and it's perfectly fine, but the wanting doesn't go away. There's still that aching sensation. 

if anything, he feels worse after because it's not you. It's just a new reminder of how amazing it is being intimate with you and how far away you are.

AND,, WELL,

It's definitely an impulse decision.

(Granted, most of his decisions are impulse decisions, so.)

He's got a full 3D model of your innards bc. of course he does smdnsd.

Shockingly, it isn't even smth he actively kept info about? he just has so many sensors in his dick that it just,, naturally acquires that kinda data, and it gets stored away subconsciously. 

Wouldn't even be hard to print out something usable. a few minutes at most...

Yeah after the base idea crops up, he considers it for maybe,, .5 seconds before caving smdnsmd.

He keeps internally scoffing at himself as he sets up the printer, fills in the silicone, inputs the instructions. Sighing his nonexistent lungs out.

Just a constant mental stream of 'you are such an idiot you are such an idiot you are such an idiot' as he undoes his belt MSNDMSD truly he is. Experiencing.

actually,, using it,, oh lordie,,

he hates, hates that it gets a full-throated 'oh fuck' out of him, but it absolutely does.

Is it perfect? Not even close. A pale imitation at best. The slickness of lube is too artificial, there's none of that Human Warmth he's grown accustomed to, he can't cradle your face or squeeze your hips.

Is it just enough for him to pretend it's you? YEP <33

He only gets about 5 thrusts in before his first orgasm, and tbh his artificial cum really helps pull the illusion together?

It stays warm inside his tanks, heated by his motor, and it fills up the inside of the toy in no time.

It cools down pretty fast, but it's no problem because he replaces it just as quick <3

He's split between. feeling absolutely mortified that he's humping a piece of lukewarm silicone like some sort of animal vs not giving a singular fuck because it hits the exact spot he needs it to.

<333333

He isn't entirely sure how long he goes for, but when he's done the sun is firmly in the sky, which makes his cheeks feel more than a little artifically warm.

Thankfully, the toy itself fairly easy to dispose of, since it's virtually unrecognizable by the time he's done.

maybe. he'll keep those designs on file. for future use. just in case.

OH and don't think this spoils the welcome-home sex - think of it as an appetizer <33 just a reminder of what he's had to be away from!!

so. um. *pinwheels into the atmosphere*

[myfaveisfuckable]

Mia Fey:

Mia Fey? Miss Mia Fey? She definitely pegged her boyfriend. She showed up her first day in court and sai 'it's a tiddies out look your honor'. As a Fey she commits random Fey woman violence when stressed, upset, or happy... Just whenever. She was so close to hopping that bench and strangling Bratworth ooohhhh if I could code. Everything she dors is a hot girl thing, you wouldn't get it. She's a defense attorney and a talented spirit chaneller and also dead, but that doesn't stop her from judging Phoenix at all times (her younger sister channels her sometimes.) Mia Fey had so many people nervous (which is why she died rip girl ily). She's also def bisexual it's so nearly canon (had a bf and was 'intellectually' attracted to this one detective turned prosecutor very pretty lady). Technically 'men' can't channel spirits in this family, but I'd like to believe Ami Fey said trans rights. Oh, best part, her cousin is the worst and murdered people, but Mia's bf in a coma, and nearly killed the protag and then after she was dead got channelled and nearly killed Mia's little sister, but then Mia told her sister Maya to channel Dahlia (bad cousin) and then in court had one of her good cousins (Pearl) channel her just so she could call Dahlia a bitch to her face. Ultimate power move.

* it would be canon if it were up to me

Xena:

1. The confidence. The badassery. Played by Lucy Lawless, who radiates BDE herself. Partially responsible for my bisexual awakening.

2. She has THE big dick energy. Like, the entire show is about her adventures with her (implied) girlfriend Gabrielle after she quit being a mercenary (or smth similar). She is so badass, and there's even a beauty pageant episode where she discovers one of the other contestants (she's trying to prevent assassinations bc politics) is (heavily implied to be) biologically male, and they ask her to let them at least let them quietly withdraw instead of revealing "the truth about them" (it's unclear if they're trans, a drag queen, or something else) and Xena is such an ally about it. In a show from the 1990s. She takes absolutely no shit while being absolutely amazing nearly all the time

* it's spiritual* it would be canon if it were up to me

[farfromstrange]

Foreigner’s God | m.m

series masterlist

Matt Murdock x avenger!OFC

Chapter forty: Monster

Summary: She has a tendency to get herself in trouble for the greater good. This time though, she goes a little too far. Matt feels responsible to put a smile back on her face and restore the faith in herself.

Warnings: ANGST, attempted sexual assault (read at your own risk), Canon typical violence, vigilantism, knives, blood, use of mutant powers, heavy make-out session, SMUT (18+), nipple play, vaginal fingering, p in v sex, dry humping (?), degrading, dirty talk, praise kink, choking, multiple orgasms, basically sex doesn’t always go according to plan and sometimes stuff goes wrong, Matt Murdock’s ever present catholic guilt, crying, religious imagery and symbolism

a/n: Before you ask, yes this is inspired by a Frozen (The Musical) Song. Do I regret it? No. After being sick for an entire week, I have finally finished this goddamn chapter… it’s not my best work, so I apologize in advance. I reread it so many times, but it still feels rushed even though I incorporated every last plot point I wrote down. There’s just so much and now I’m insecure I screwed this up. But oh well, it won’t get any better than this. I tried. I can’t get anything better down. And I tried something… new? With this, so that’s kind of exciting, and I hope y’all like it anyway, even if it might not be what you expected and were so excited for.

Also, Melvin was always one of my favorite characters because he’s adorable and Eliza deserves this. (Also go Matt for being such an amazing boyfriend!!) posting the graphics for this chapter tomorrow or smth…

18+ MINORS DNI

The streets were dark and gloomy. She walked down the road to Matt’s apartment - her apartment with her head hung low and her keys clutched tightly in her fist. The other hand held her phone close to her ear as she listened to the voicemail announcement of the man she called.

“This is the third time I’ve called now. If you don’t call me back soon, I have to assume you’re dead somewhere,” said Eliza, taking a peek over her shoulder, “I read Tony’s letter, Happy. I can’t reach him and Pepper won’t answer her phone either. We need to talk. Call me back!”

She couldn’t reach Tony. His phone was off or disconnected, she wasn’t sure, so Happy was her last resort. Though no matter how many times she blew up his cell, he didn’t answer. His mailbox was full of missed messages now, but as long as it got him to call her back, she would gladly annoy him. The fear something might have happened nagged at her chest. He was known for not answering his texts or his calls right away, and she usually didn’t mind if he decided to take his privacy seriously, but she had seen what the world was capable of and how much pain it could cause to good people, and she wanted to prevent him from getting hurt again. Not receiving an answer to her pleas made her uneasy and she had to refrain from jumping into the closest cab and driving to the compound.

“Let me know you’re alive, at least,” she added before hanging up the phone for the third time and shoving it back into her pocket. “Asshole,” the curse slipped from her lips into the darkness. She had grown more vigilant over time and his lack of communication twisted her stomach into an uncomfortable knot.

She swore, after she almost died, she would not get herself into reckless trouble again. She swore she would be smarter.

Turns out, she wasn’t.

The second Eliza heard the scream of distress, her instincts sprung into motion.

“Don’t do it,” she whispered to herself.

The last time she acted on the scream of a distressed woman, she walked straight into Hydra. It was a deja vu of the bittersweet kind. She could call the cops and move on. Though by the time they arrived, whoever was attacking that woman would already have gotten what they wanted.

“Goddamn it!”

Matt would lose it.

She pressed against the wall right before the alley. She could make out two voices; a man and the cries of a woman begging for mercy.

“Fuck me,” she groaned. “I’m gonna do it.”

If she could prevent a woman from suffering the worst fate she possibly could, she had to do something. She had the strength to fight, and it was because of that that she chose to jump in.

The man turned to her when he heard the sound of her boots on the asphalt.

“Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?” she said.

The woman’s eyes widened at the sight of Eliza’s red eyes, and she cowered further against the wall. There was no light on her face, so recognizing her face was nearly impossible. She stepped out of the dark slowly and into the moonlight, hoping to instill some fear before this could get ugly. It didn’t work. They were too stupid to recognize her.

He chuckled darkly. “Today seems to be my lucky day,” he said. “Two for one. I’m sure we’d have so much fun together, but I’m afraid you’re gonna have to wait your turn.”

“Oh, shut up!”

“Uh, feisty. That’s even hotter.”

“How about I shove my foot so far up your ass, it comes back out of your mouth?”

“Damn, didn’t your parents teach you any manners?”

“My parents are dead,” she deadpanned. “And I don’t have manners.”

“Are you really going to make this harder for me?” The man sighed. “I was having such a great time. And she was, too.” He pointed to his crying victim. She shook her head, the rest of her paralyzed, and she held her hands in front of her body as some form of protection.

Eliza bared her teeth. “You disgust me,” she spat. “Leave her alone. She didn’t do anything. If you want to get your hands on someone, do it on me.”

“Did you just ask me to do you?”

“Why is it that men can’t grasp the concept of a simple no?”

“Look at that skirt,” he retorted. “You can’t say you’re not asking for it. And her?” He pointed at the young woman. “Hers is even shorter, I can already see her ass hanging out.”

“No,” her soft cry filled the alley. “I didn’t… please, I just want to go home.”

“You heard her,” said Eliza. “Let her go. If you want to ruin someone’s life, you can ruin mine. Take your shot! See where this gets you.”

“Aw, where’s the fun in that?”

He wasn’t just drunk, he was born cruel. The man reached down to grab the woman’s shirt and haul her up,

Her hands started to glow, as did her eyes, and she turned into the thing she had tried to push down the past couple of weeks. She let the darkness consume her, let the foreign energy take control, and rise to her true potential. She hadn’t discovered the truth just to keep the stone hidden. It was there and lying in wait for a reason. What she didn’t expect was for it to feel so strong - it felt strong to the point it bordered on overwhelming, and she was no longer in control; she was a stranger in her own body watching from the outside as her instincts took over. It was a raw force, something to be reckoned with, but no one could win against her. The more she felt the fire in her hands, the more her common sense began to panic.

“Don’t touch her,” her voice had dropped several octaves, “Or you’re gonna regret it.”

When the man looked at her this time, all color faded from his skin and he stopped, frozen in place and eyes widened at the sight of her glowing frame.

Eliza turned to the crying woman on the ground. “Did he touch you?”

She shook her head. “N-no. Not yet,” she said.

“Then go! Run as fast as you can. Save yourself.”

She didn’t move a muscle. Her body remained stiff and pressed against the brick wall.

“Didn’t you hear what I said?” Eliza raised her voice. “Run, now!”

Her heels clicked against the floor as she ran out of the alley, crying and sobbing uncontrollably, and undoubtedly calling the police on her way.

The man’s instincts kicked in as soon as they were alone. He feared she might kill him if he didn't resort to more serious measures. Lifting his fists, he attempted to attack her.

Tilting her head, she sighed. “Don’t,” she said, but he did it anyway.

He went after her. She tried hard to control herself, using her fists instead of the monster inside of her, instead of being who she truly was, but as soon as he hit her, she exploded. Her hands came up and he flew back, hitting the stone wall at the other end of the alley.

Her hands continued glowing at her sides. He lifted his split skull. Tears glistened in his eyes.

“Please,” he begged.

“Feels weird, doesn’t it?” she said. “Not being in control. Telling someone no but the other person won’t listen. Almost humiliating, wouldn’t you say? Offensive, abusive, stripping you of your honor?”

“Please, I didn’t mean to- I thought she wanted this, I’m sorry!”

“You thought she wanted this? She said no! Does no mean nothing to you?”

“No, but-”

“What is it with you thinking you can take whatever the fuck you want without consequences?”

“It won’t happen again, I promise! Please…”

“Rest assured that I do this only because your behavior has been so inviting. You provoked me. I had no choice. Your behavior was misleading. You tempted me. I thought you wanted this with the way you kept flapping your hands around. That is not my fault.”

“No, God, don’t kill me, please! I didn’t mean to- I won’t do it again, I promise, just please… please, spare me!”

“Oh, I won’t kill you.” Her grin was empty, as was her voice. “Death is too kind for people like you,” she said. “You deserve to suffer. Not even hell would be kind enough for you, where you surely will be going. But no, not yet. Not before I haven’t made you see God over and over again while you’re screaming for my mercy the same way you’ve made that woman scream for mercy.”

He reached into his jeans. Eliza picked up on the blade in his hand too late. He threw it with a loud yelp, landing it in her upper arm. She hissed, reaching for the handle that stuck out of her skin. During that time, he used the moment of confusion to scramble to his feet and run. He had attacked her, threatened her, and made her bleed. She saw red. Literally and figuratively, she saw red.

She tore the blade from her skin. It squished, burn, and squirted some blood, but she didn’t care. She was angry, she was feral and she couldn’t help the way her mind reacted before she could grasp control over the ruthless animal inside of her.

Her powers pulled him back, soaring through the air, across the alley, and back into the wall.

She slapped a hand in front of her mouth. She only wanted to restrain him. In her head, keeping him in front of her would make it easier to keep him present until the police would come and arrest him. Instead, though, she had to watch in horror as the smoke in her hands carried him straight through the wall, tearing the stones apart, ripping a hole into the alley, and burying him underneath the bricks.

Her hands stopped glowing. She stared helplessly at the destruction she caused. She couldn’t hear, see or feel the man. Had she killed him? She wasn’t sure. His feet poked out of the smoke and his toes seemed to twitch, but she wasn’t sure, and the shock kept her tied to the ground. Her hands, now seemingly normal, were capable of such awful things. There was a reason she hadn’t used them for anything other than changing Matt’s perception. She should have kept it this way, and used her fists instead - what had she done?

The soft call of her name behind her broke through the alarm sounds in her head. “Eliza,” he said softly. A familiar voice.

Eliza pressed her back against the nearest wall, hands in front of her. “Don’t come near me,” she panted. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t.”

She shied away when he tried to touch her again. He stopped halfway, his hand at level with her head, just lingering in the air. She stared at his fingers, his glove removed, and he offered his hand for her to take at her pace.

“It’s okay,” he said. “You’re not going to hurt me.”

She looked up through teary eyes, meeting his brown ones. The red mask lay next to him, his hair disheveled and sweaty as he smiled. He could tell what she had done, but he didn’t shy away. Still, the energy was hot in her veins and she was sure that if she felt threatened again, her hands would do the same to him. She wasn’t in control, the stone was. Her heart raced in her ear and she shivered, slouching against the bricks.

“Tell me, is he dead?” she asked.

He tilted his head in the man’s direction. “No,” he told her.

“Is he… dying?”

“No, he’s just got a few broken bones. Nothing serious or life-threatening. You didn’t kill him. He’s okay, but most importantly, you’re okay.”

His hand came closer. She winced, “No! Don’t- please, you’re just gonna get hurt. I can’t… I’m not in control, Matt. If you touch me, I might do the same thing to you. I can’t stop it.”

“Yes, you can.” Matt knelt before her, hand still extended and waiting for her to take the lifelines. “Look at me! Take my hand, let me prove to you that this is real. You’re not gonna hurt me, I just need you to calm down. I’m not mad,” he said, still smiling, “I’m here for you, okay? I’m here, I’ve got you.”

Her shaky hand slowly found its way into his. She took it, squeezed it, and held it tightly. His skin was warm and clammy, just like hers. His pulse beat strong and steady under the skin. The world didn’t end when she touched him. They were both still alive and it was real, no matter what her mind kept telling her.

“You feel me?” he asked.

She nodded, “Yes.”

“Good girl. There you go, see? Nothing happened. Told you, you’ve got this.”

He smiled, squeezing her hand again. Three times meant I love you. Another three translated to I have you. She wasn’t alone, not anymore, and there was no reason to be afraid anymore.

“Are you okay, sweetheart?”

Eliza turned to look at the broken-down wall and the man underneath, but then Matt was suddenly there and pulled her head to the side, forcing her eyes back on him. The destruction site was fully covered by his broad frame.

“Look at me,” he reminded her, “are you okay?”

She nodded, the cut on her arm beginning to thud with the fading adrenaline. “I think so.” Her teeth ground and she hissed, “Ah!” Perhaps she wasn’t entirely okay.

His nostrils flared. He sniffed. Smelling the blood, he crawled forward. He took off the other glove as well and pressed both of his hands against the cut on her arm. He felt the skin and the bone shift. The flesh squished where he pushed down as the wound secreted more blood right into his hands. The scent of the copper was something all too familiar to him, and it was scary. Every time he smelled her blood now, he got flashbacks that brought the feeling of her lifeless weight in his arms right back to the front of his consciousness. If he tried hard enough, he could still feel the remains of her blood on his suit, and if he took a good whiff, he could smell it. No bleach in the world could remove the ghastly picture from his mind, and whenever she was hurt, he was only reminded once again of how badly things could turn out and how he had almost lost her not so long ago because of one reckless decision.

A soft breeze ran through his hair, pushing the sweaty strands back and to the side. He blinked the tears away, banning the memories and forcing them back where they came from. “You need stitches,” he stated. His jaw clenched, she could see it. He applied more pressure, an attempt to stop the bleeding. “Probably not that many, but you’re still losing a lot of blood, so…”

“I’m okay,” she reassured him. Physically, she was, at least.

“I know, just… if we wait any longer, it might get worse. And we need to get out of here before the cops come and see you like this.”

“You mean what I did.”

He still sat right in her line of vision, but she could imagine the sight. She imagined what it looked like behind him and what the police might think. She would become a criminal again, and this time she would let them arrest her. She deserved it. The Department Of Damage Control would come as soon as they saw her, but perhaps it was for the best.

Matt shook his head, tilting her chin up with his finger. Some of the blood got on her chin and he wiped it away, silently apologizing. “I won’t let them take you,” he said, “No matter what happens, they won’t touch you.”

“If you could see what I did,” she prompted.

“I still wouldn’t care. This has nothing to do with my blindness or how you think my love for you might make it worse. No, you did nothing wrong. You saved someone’s life and defended yourself. No one has the right to prosecute you for being yourself. They don’t know you, not like I do, not like your friends do.”

He brushed her hair back, followed by a careful tilt of his head in the direction of the Main Street. Her wide, teary eyes were on him, regret and shame dancing in them as if it was a competition. He pressed his lips to her forehead, lingering on the cold skin for a little longer than he planned, feeling her heart jump and the clench of her fingers around the fabric of his suit. She was scared, not just ashamed. But she wasn’t scared of him or the police, she was scared of herself, which was a far worse fate to suffer because she knew she wasn’t the only one feeling that way. She had seen it twice that night, and she could bear it no more.

“C’mon,” said Matt. “Let’s get you home. I’ll stitch you up, get you some dinner, warm you up… Can you stand?”

One of his arms wrapped around her waist already.

“Yeah,” she said, her voice monotone, reserved and possibly even dead inside.

He sighed softly, helping her limp body back to her feet. As soon as they stood, she wrapped her arms around his waist and placed her head against his chest. He hugged her tight, ignoring how her blood got onto his suit again. She was afraid if she didn’t hug him and he didn’t hug her back, she might fall apart.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you. I’m right here.”

Eliza shivered against him. “I’m not sure if I’m okay.”

“I know, but that’s okay too.”

“How long have you been here?” she asked, every word coming with a labored breath in tow.

“Not long, five minutes, maybe,” he answered. “Heard the screams, smelled you and had to see if you’re alright.”

“Why didn’t you… step in?”

“Plain and simple, I trust you.”

“Oh.”

Maybe he had underestimated the situation. He applied more pressure to the wound. She hissed in response. “C’mon.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “Let’s get you home now.”

Walking through the roof access to his apartment, Eliza realized how tired she truly was. Her feet dragged over the wood of the stairs in a state of exhaustion. Her knees buckled. “Woah, easy,” Matt caught her just in time. He slipped an arm under her thighs and chose to carry her instead.

He set her down on the couch, silently searching for the first-aid kit and a towel. Feeling her skin shift again, he gnawed on the inside of his cheek.

While he stitched her up, she stared straight at the wall. Her head was empty, her body hulled in a fog. She couldn’t pinpoint what she was feeling. The shock had subsided. Instead, she felt nothing, not even guilt. The numbness hurt to the point she wanted nothing more than to feel the pain of the needle in her skin, but Matt was too good at what he did. Other than a few pinches, she felt nothing.

“He could have seriously hurt you,” he murmured as he threaded the needle through her parted skin. “This could have gone much worse. I can’t…” He swallowed. “I can’t lose you again.”

She didn’t answer.

“You need to be more careful. Short-sleeves aren’t fighting material.”

“I don’t have a suit anymore,” her answer came flat.

“I know.”

“I’m not an Avenger anymore.”

“I know that, too. But you can still help people,” he said, “That isn’t determined by-”

“I snapped,” Eliza blurted without trying to. The voice that had once been void of emotions started to display the true weight of the words on her soul.

Matt opened his mouth, but he wasn’t sure what to say.

“He attacked me and I just… snapped,” she said. “I hurt him because I wanted to. I hurt him because I was angry. I did this. If he had died, his blood would have been on my hands tonight.”

He shook his head, patting down the wound with a cotton swab. His eyes remained soft, though he swallowed harder than before. “I’m sure you knew what you were doing,” he said.

“I didn’t. I wasn’t in control. Or, I was. I was in control of my anger and I just let it happen because I felt like… I felt so… I’m scared, Matt.” She doubted ‘scared’ cut it close, but it was the word that made the most sense. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know why I can’t control my powers when it comes down to it, when I know I should but I don’t. I thought I could control the anger, I thought I could control the extent of what I’m capable of, but when I feel threatened or angry and am convinced that the other person deserves punishment, I… I need to balance it out. God, what is wrong with me? I’m not a fucking judge or executioner! I’m a person.”

“Hey, no. Nothing’s wrong with you. You didn’t kill him, you only knocked him down pretty good. You did nothing worse than I would have. This wasn’t… this wasn’t a vile or evil act, baby. Far from it. You saved a helpless woman from suffering a terrible fate tonight.”

Her lip quivered and a tear slipped down her cheek. The dam opened a crack, at first, but it soon broke in two when he spoke again.

“Hey,” Matt cooed, finishing the last stitch to take her head into his hands and hug her tightly to his chest. “Don’t cry. Nothing happened.”

“No, but I’m a monster!”

“Stop it. You’re not a monster.” He used his free hand to run it through her hair. “You didn’t hurt him any more than he deserved. Deep down, you knew that he would never get what he deserved if he went through the system, so you allowed yourself to let go a little more. You let the anger take over because he deserved to be punished, but you didn’t kill him. You wouldn’t cross that line, not again. Deep down, you know what you’re doing. I know you do. You’re far from being a monster, sweetheart. Monsters act only to be vile. They hurt good people. The man you fought was a monster. You're not.”

She shook her head, trying to escape his grasp. Her attempts were to no avail. He held her tightly until she stopped struggling and fell into his arms completely.

“You saved that woman’s life. You saved her from getting raped by a man that would have done anything to get away with it, including stabbing her to death. You are a hero. You saw someone who needed help and you decided to jump in. That’s selfless, you understand? It’s not evil, it’s a good thing. It’s something only someone with a good heart can do.”

“I wasn’t in control,” she whimpered. “Not really. My anger was, I… I can’t…”

“I know, and that’s okay. We’ll find a way. I don’t know much about your powers, but we’ll find a way to make this easier for you. We’ll find a way to help you gain some sense of control. You have friends who can help you, you have me, and we have Fogwells to train. I just… you’re not a monster. You’re still a fighter, a hero, and a good person.” He tilted her head up, brushing her wet cheeks. “Don’t think that way about yourself. You’re so good, baby. So good.”

“No…” she sobbed again. “No, you’re wrong.”

“I’m not wrong,” he said. “Trust me, I love you so much, and nothing you do could change that. Even in the eyes of God, you are good because you chose to save someone’s life while putting your own in danger. It’s what saviors do. You are a savior.”

“I didn’t mean to do what I did. I didn’t mean to hurt him like that. I didn’t care what happened to him, which is the scary part, not my powers themselves. I don’t know what’s happening to me, Matt, and it’s scary. I thought I had it all under control,” said Eliza, “but I don’t, and I don’t understand why because it worked when I made you see. And it worked beyond that. I haven’t exploded ever since… I haven’t exploded like that ever since I reconciled with my father before everything went to shit. I just… I’m so tired and my arm hurts and it scares me that I don’t even feel fucking guilty for any of this. I shouldn’t act out. It’s dangerous. My powers are dangerous, especially in the hands of someone who doesn’t know what she’s dealing with. I know everything and nothing at all. I… I…” she hiccuped and the breath got knocked out of her lungs. The oxygen started to burn away the skin in her chest and she wheezed again, her body riddled with aftershocks.

Matt shook his head, pressed a gauze to the wound and she took it while he searched for a bandage in the kit. “One step at a time,” he said. “You’re not a monster, Eliza, and you’re not dangerous. In the hands of anyone else, your powers would be catastrophic, but you? You’re a good person, and I know you can control it. The stone is in your blood, your body knows what to do. You’re just too much in your head, you have been ever since you came back, and that’s okay. You need to get used to this again, I know you can because I know you, baby, and no one’s as strong and capable as you are.”

She sniffled. “How do you know?”

He wrapped the bandage around her bicep and secured it with tape. “I have a feeling. We’ll find a way to learn more about your powers somehow,” he said, “but not now. Not today. Today was a lot and you need a break.”

“I need to be in control of my mind to be in control of what’s inside of me, but I don’t… the anger is so strong, Matthew, and it makes everything so much more powerful.” Her fingers tingled. “Even now, I feel lightheaded.” The color traveled from her palms to her fingertips. She sighed, knowing her eyes had changed color again.

Matt felt the air shift and the familiar jolt of electricity his senses sent rolling through his body whenever she used her powers around him traveled from his neck down his spine.

He reached for her hand, but she shied away. “Don’t,” she said, her voice tired instead of a warning, and she got up. Her feet pointed toward the bedroom door.

Her mind reeled with unspoken thoughts that sounded less like English words and more like gibberish. Her heart was racing in time with her breathing and the more she thought about it, the harder it got to keep her hands where they were. She wanted to run to him, but she caught sight of her reflection in the milky glass and she knew that if she touched him, she would hurt him. At least her head kept telling her so, and so she chose to be cautious. She chose to keep him safe, the one promise she would always keep, no matter how far gone down the rabbit hole she was. There was no one, not even Happy or her therapist that could understand what possessed her, the power she held in her hands, and the cravings it caused within her. She didn’t crave drugs, she craved the world, she craved things she couldn’t quite understand, and it brought her back to all those weeks ago when she had been just as clueless. The state of helplessness was exhausting.

He made a pained sound in the back of his throat when she ushered away and back into her cocoon.

“I thought we were over this,” he said.

Eliza crossed her arms. “I don’t want to hurt you. Why don’t you get that?” she said.

“You won’t hurt me, sweetheart.”

“You don’t know that.”

“You’re not as out of control as you think you are.”

“You don’t know that!” The billboard outside of the apartment complex flickered. It reflected red instead of the purple it had been before. She stared at her hand and then at the plain red picture that was projected onto the big screen. The change in static made Matt cringe, the sound sharp and piercing through his eardrum.

She sighed. Part of her did it on purpose, the other part wasn’t sure what came over her. She tried to fight the urge to push him away, but it was getting harder by the minute.

He got up. “Eliza…” he reached for her, but she wasn’t where he expected her to be.

“I just need to be alone right now,” she whispered. tears clouded both her vision and her voice. “Don’t come too close to me or I might hurt you, too.”

She burst through the bedroom door and closed it behind her, just in time before the tears burst out of her and she landed sobbing on the mattress. He could hear everything and it shattered his heart to pieces. He pressed his palm against the glass, then his forehead, and he listened as she ran out of breath again and again as she cried into their shared pillow.

“Please, sweetheart,” he said. “Don’t shut me out again. Don’t close the door.”

He could have easily opened the door, but she didn’t want him to. She locked herself away for a reason, and he had to grant her the privacy she required. At least for an acceptable amount of time, but not too long as if to agree with her that it was okay to push him away. He didn’t want her to, and she promised she wouldn’t, not again. All he could do at this point was hope that his words would do anything.

She shuddered and disappeared underneath the covers, hiding from herself like a scared little girl.

When she didn’t answer, he sighed. “Alright, I’m just gonna stay here,” he said and slid down the stone wall next to the bedroom door. “You let me know when you’re ready to talk.”

“Go away, Matt,” he heard her cry from the other side.

Matt chuckled. “Not a chance, baby. I’m not leaving you. You know why?”

She gave a disapproving grunt.

“You don’t scare me. You’re just scared, and that’s okay. I’m scared too, all the damn time, but we can fix this. I know we can. You just have to let me in. Tell me what’s bothering you other than this stupid fight so I can try to understand why you’re so sad.”

He was met with a heavy silence. Her breathing had slowed, but the occasional sob still wrecked her body and she shivered heavily every time it did.

“I read the letter,” Eliza admitted eventually. “Tony’s letter, I mean.”

“And?” he asked.

“Tony’s an asshole.” She chuckled, a tear slipping down her cheek, and she added, “But I was the bigger asshole.”

“Do you want to forgive him?”

“I know I want to make things right, but I don’t know how. I don’t know a lot of things,” she said.

“You don’t have to know everything. That’s not how life works.”

“How did I end up like this then?”

“Like what?”

“Broken and screwed up.”

“We’re all a little screwed up,” he said.

“I’m a lot screwed up,” she said.

“Yeah, me too.”

Another tear slid down her cheek. “The storm inside of me is real. Are you sure I’m not just a monster locked in a cage of her own making?”

“Yeah,” his palm landed on the milky glass again, “I’m sure. I know you, I know what the woman I love is capable of, and evil is not something I would use to describe you. So you’re not a monster, you’re a hero, and it doesn’t matter what anyone else says because I see you better than anyone else can, Eliza. You keep telling me I’m good… well, you’re better. So much better. You’re good at heart and that cancels out everything else.”

“But how can you be so sure?”

“Let’s just say, there has to be a reason you were born with such great power. God… no, the universe chose you to survive the exposure for a reason. I’m sure of that. You just need to learn how to live with yourself before you can control this storm you’re talking about. That’s a big burden to carry, and you’ve just started to figure it all out, so just grant yourself some more time.”

The mattress shifted. Her bare feet patted against the floor and stopped before the door. Instead of opening it though, she slid down the glass and pressed her back against his, only a small barrier between them now. She pressed her palm where his lay, sighing at the way his shadow visibly tensed.

Eliza ground her teeth. “Tony gave me the key to my father’s apartment. The one I, uh, found after I wrote you guys that letter,” she told him. “He said there are things my father wanted me to find. In case of his death, he had this fail-safe that sent Tony all that was necessary, and he did, so he forwarded it to me. I just… he’s trying to make up for it, but I can’t even think about that. I’m angrier at my father right now for twisting Tony’s views, but I’m also… I want to know what he left me. I need to know. But I’m so angry. I’m so fucking angry, Matt. All I could think about tonight�� fuck! I was weak tonight.”

“I should have never let you leave alone,” he said.

“Don’t do that. Don’t blame yourself. Sister Maggie caught me before I could make a serious mistake.”

“Yeah, but it was my job to be there for you and I wasn’t.” He wished he could touch her. “I will be forever grateful to Sister Maggie, but that doesn’t change the fact that I left you alone.”

“It was my choice, Matt. Stop putting all the blame on yourself. I can’t… I can’t do this right now. So please, just… don’t.”

She leaned her head back against the glass and he did the same, whispering the softest apology into the dark of the night.

Goosebumps erupted on her skin. She didn’t want this. She didn’t want to be herself anymore. “Matt,” she murmured.

He tilted his head in the direction of the door. “Yes, love?”

“Can you stay with me?”

He sighed. “Of course, I can.”

“I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts.”

Because her thoughts were far more terrifying than her powers ever could be.

“You don’t have to be,” he said.

She sighed, reaching out a hand to rest on the glass again, turning so she could lean against the door completely, and she listened to his breathing and heartbeat faintly on the other side. It was the most she could do. He was so close yet so far away. She wished she could ignore the looming voice in her head and just be normal, but she was afraid of what might happen if she ignored her most primal nature and told the stone to shut up. The last thing she wanted was for Matt to suffer because of her.

“Matt, do you think,” she began again, “that everyone’s in danger as long as I’m alive?”

He squeezed his eyes shut. “God, no,” he said.

“You think I was born to be a monster?”

“No.” He couldn’t even put pressure behind his words. He was so in pain from hearing her ask these questions, not sure what to do, what to say or think. He just sat there, hoping she took his words to heart.

Eliza traced the condensation of her breath on the glass. “Then why did I end up with this… this curse?” she said. “Because it doesn’t seem fair that I get a frozen and broken heart while my mother died and everyone else… Everyone else is normal.”

He sighed, taking the same position she had, his temple pressed against the door and his hand to the glass. “You said it yourself that the infinity stones were creations of the universe, right?”

“Yes.”

“So maybe you survived because one day, something big might come for us, something a man in an iron suit or a Hulk can’t fight and only Someone as powerful as one of these stones can fight that threat. Maybe you are the universe’s fail safe. You’re a protector, not a destroyer. You survived for a reason, and that reason may come one day. When it does, you’ll know. Until then, you have to believe me that God and the universe have their reasons to be giving only certain people special abilities. Our accidents both had deeper meanings, I think,” he said, “and we’re both on the right path to figuring that out, but especially you, my love. I’m convinced that you will do big things one day, and the world will thank you.”

She was quiet. She didn’t even breathe for a moment. He listened in. A soft sob broke from her chest, then another salty tear rolled down her cheek. She exhaled, clenching her fist and holding tighter onto the glass door. “Okay,” she said, her voice the softest tune of a pretend-whisper. “Thank you.”

He smiled. Her breathing slowed, as did her heartbeat and her sobs seemed to subside with every passing second that she listened to him on the other side.

“You think you can sleep now?” he asked. He knew he wouldn’t be able to do much more tonight.

“I think so, yeah. But not on the bed, I want to stay on the floor. It’s harder here. The mattress feels too soft.”

“That’s okay, I just want you to rest. Can you do that for yourself?”

Eliza nodded. “And Matthew?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you,” she said.

Matt chuckled, tracing his fingers over where he could feel her warmth through the bedroom door. “I love you too, sweetheart.”

Even in her current state, she would never go to sleep without telling him how she felt, and her love for him was ever-present and never-ending.

She stirred back to life when she felt a hand on her thigh, rubbing gentle circles over the bare skin to coax her out of unconsciousness. Eliza scrunched her nose, shifting on the bed. Once again, he had carried her in the middle of the night. Her back was more than grateful.

As she blinked the sleep out of her eyes and against the sun streaming in through the window, she realized that she was no longer wearing her skirt but Matt’s Columbia shirt, freshly washed and dried, and a pair of shorts he got from her collection.

Her hands reached above her head as she stretched her aching muscles. The cut on her arm screamed. With a hiss, she brought the limbs back down, pressing a hand to the bandage.

Matt sat at her feet where they were pulled up to her chest, a blanket draped over her. He took such good care of her, always, it made her so incredibly thankful for having him. No one else would have done it for her. He got her changed, put a blanket over her, let her sleep in until he finished with coffee and breakfast, and only then did he wake her with gentle touches.

He smiled, though his head was tilted in her direction and his nostrils wider than usual, suggesting he was taking a whiff of whatever was in the air. Copper, blood.

“You opened the cut on your arm,” he stated.

She looked down at her now blood-soaked fingers from where the bandage had turned red. The pain turned thudding and burning. She hissed, “Fuck!”

“I was gonna say good morning, but that didn’t age so well.” He chuckled softly, his voice still gruff from waking up and the lack of caffeine in his system. He put the coffee mug with her favorite beverage down and reached for the first-aid kit that was still laid next to the table. “Sit up for me,” he said. “Let me check your stitches.”

He removed the bloody bandage, placing his palm flat next to the cut. The skin shifted, but it was only in one place. She had healed enough to be removing the stitches, so that was what he did. She winced when he pulled the first one out. He gave an apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry, I wish you could have had time to properly wake up, but the damage is pretty extensive.”

“Do I need new stitches?” she asked, her voice even groggier than his.

He shook his head. “Butterfly bandage will suffice if you don’t make any fast movements and tear the cut open again. You gotta be more careful when you’re hurt.”

“Yeah, I tend to forget I’m not a vampire who doesn’t bleed.”

Matt dabbed the wound down with some disinfectant, placing the butterfly bandage on top, then returned with a cold towel for her to press against it to help with the swelling he could feel around the bone.

“That’s ‘cause vampires are dead,” he said with a cheeky grin, “Can’t bleed when your heart isn’t beating.”

“Wow, thanks.”

“I’m just saying. You’re not dead, and I prefer it that way. Now,” he replaced the bloody tissues in his hand with the coffee mug and handed it to her, “I’ve made you some coffee. Take it as a peace offering for making you pop your stitches.”

She chuckled. “Thank you, very considerate.”

“Breakfast’s on the table. When you’re ready to get up, we can eat.”

Her forehead dropped forward against his. He caught her by the back of her neck, holding her close to him. They breathed into each other’s mouths, connecting on a much deeper level than was visible on the outside.

“I’m sorry about last night,” said Eliza.

He shook his head. “Don’t worry about it.”

“No, I- I have no idea what came over me, but I promised not to push you away again and last night, I did, so I’m sorry about that.”

“You needed privacy,” he said, “I’m the last person who’d deny you some time for yourself.”

“It wasn’t just privacy, Matt, I was scared and I still am and I… God, I don’t even know anymore.”

He captured her lips with his, telling her, “Don’t talk, it’s okay,” before he deepened the kiss and knocked all air out of her lungs.

Happily, she sighed against his lips, leaning further into him. Their kisses soon grew heated and Eliza swung her leg over his lap. One of his arms wrapped around her hips to get close to him faster. She rolled her hips, chest against chest, and her hand began to stroke over the white shirt that adorned his torso, feeling the muscles underneath his shoulders and his pecks.

He broke the kiss to ask, “What do you want?” Breathless and his cock already straining against his sweatpants.

Her chuckle sounded dark in his mouth. “What does it look like?” she said. Their lips clashed again, as did their teeth and tongues. They fought for dominance, but Matt was bound to win the battle.

“I don’t know.”

She snorted, grinding her hips down on him again, his cock brushing against her hot core that hid beneath layers of fabric. He growled.

“Then what does it feel like?”

He bit down on her bottom lip, pulling it toward him as she leaned back slightly to look into his hazel eyes. She had no choice but to lean down and kiss him again, hard and needy, returning to the sloppy movements of her hips against his. His fingers were sure to leave bruises on her hip from how hard he held onto her, but she didn’t mind. If anything, she wanted him to hold her even tighter and leave as many reminders of him as humanly possible. She would gladly carry him around with her anywhere she went, not just his cum but the imprints of his hands and mouth as well. The beard burn from the night before was still heavy on her thighs, and it would stay there, she decided, even long after she healed because he would do it again. She needed that part of him more than she needed to breathe. With him, her body was alive either way, and her mind finally found peace.

When his kisses traveled to her neck, Matt finally moved from grabbing her hips to the hem of her shirt. “Off,” he instructed.

She lifted her arms and allowed him to pull them over her head. The Columbia shirt hit the floor, the cold air hitting her nipples. She gasped which quickly turned into a moan at the stimulation. He wrapped his lips around one of them, sucking at her breast as if his life depended on it, and his hand went to squeeze the other one, massaging and pulling at the neglected nipple every once in a while. His tongue managed to find spots on her breast that drove her crazy. Her panties were soaked at this point and she kept rutting against his clothed cock like a maniac, the kisses, and licks to her nipples almost too much. She clenched around nothing. He pinched the sensitive nub between his fingers and she cried out, holding onto his hair.

He knew exactly where to use his mouth for the lord’s work. She was the queen laid upon the altar and he worshipped at her feet, doing what his religion told him to do with divine beings - worship them. There was only one God every time they laid together, and it wasn’t the catholic one he prayed to, the one far up above; no, she was his Goddess in moments like these and he did what any catholic good boy would do. He gave her the attention she deserved and did anything she wanted. He couldn’t help himself. Making her feel good seemed like his version of forgiveness, and he would indulge in that kind of penance for as long as he still could.

The scent of her arousal was thick in the air. He chuckled at the uptick of her breath, the small moans, and her hands clawing at his shoulder.

“Fucking- God, Matthew,” she panted into his ear this time and he shivered, cock twitching and hitting her core again with every grind of her pelvis.

It felt so good, she stared into the abyss and the sirens sang for her to jump. She was high off the feelings; his lips around her nipple, his hand squeezing her breast, and the almost non-existent friction on her cunt other than a soft breeze of air - her legs shook as she held onto what she couldn’t quite believe was a real orgasm.

“Sweetie,” he purred against her skin, wet from his saliva.

She gasped when he squeezed the other nipple again, turning it at an interesting angle that made her whimper once again. “Matthew,” she said.

“Don’t think too much about it, just feel good. Do it for me, I’ve got you.”

With a particularly skilled twist of his tongue and with that, her nipple, she dug her nails into his shirt and cried out his name in the most delicious, orgasmic tone. He held her by the waist as she jumped off the precipice, letting him give her another push before her muscles locked up and she was a moaning mess in his arms. Riding out her orgasm against nothing but his lips pressing gentle kisses to the skin around her nipples now, paying close attention to giving her breasts some much-needed love, she slowly stepped out of the fog.

“Oh,” Eliza sighed.

Matt grinned cheekily, smacking the tit he didn’t suck on before he straightened back up to kiss her. “You didn’t know that was possible, huh?” he said.

She shook her head.

He forced the shorts down her legs. The panties she wore ripped with one tug from his side. She gasped again when his hand collided with her bare ass cheeks. She was completely naked now while he was still dressed, his hair disheveled, lips swollen, and his smirk was never the less enticing.

He pressed his lips to her ear, whispering sweetly, “Can I make you feel good one more time?”

“Yes,” she answered.

He slipped his middle finger into her hole. She shivered, her walls wet enough to welcome him with open arms. He thrust the digit in once and buried it to the hilt inside of her.

“That’s my girl. Always so wet and needy. Was that enough for you? You think you can take my cock now or do you wanna cum on my fingers?”

Her hips bucked, trying to get his finger to move against the spot she could feel him resting against.

She whimpered into his ear, “Want you.”

“You have me. Tell me, what exactly do you want?”

“Your- fuck!” He curled his finger.

Matt chuckled into her ear. “What was that?” he said.

“Not your fingers,” she managed to choke out, though she kept grinding on his hand.

“Alright then.” His finger slipped out of her cunt and shoved it into her mouth. She tasted her arousal off his skin, gagging when he pushed down on her tongue to get deeper down her throat. “Don’t choke,” he mused, “Suck.”

She breathed through her nose. His skin began to taste bitter, but she didn’t care. She sucked on the digit until tears were streaming down her throat, and he decided he had teased her enough. He pulled out and her eyes rolled back, lips glistening with saliva and what was left of her juices.

“Beautiful,” Matt whispered before forcing her down by the hair and kissing her.

Their tongues met, teeth digging into bottom lips. There was no telling where one began and the other ended. They became a tangled mess of lips, spit, and limbs. Her hips ground against his clothed rection and he met her feverish movements, matching the desperation in her touch and the way her body ached for him.

“Matt, please…” Eliza could only whine when he nibbled at her jaw.

“What do you need?”

“I need you to fuck me,” she said.

“Oh, yeah?”

He pulled his pants down enough to release his aching cock. She licked her lips. His leaking tip rested against his stomach and she ground down on him, sliding along his shaft to coat him in her wetness. He stilled her movements with his hand on her hip. “Let me do the work,” he told her.

Matt rolled her onto her back, connecting their lips in a heated kiss. He lined himself up with her entrance, hooking her leg around his waist, and thrust forward. He buried himself to the hilt inside of her, not a single inch left. She gasped, back arching into him, and his lips slipped from her mouth to her neck.

He stilled, waiting for her approval, and she squeezed his biceps in reassurance. He took that as a sign to start moving.

Her hands wandered with shallow gasps. Her nails raked down his clothed back and under his shirt, pulling it up and off by the hem. The white shirt hit the floor and she dove in without wasting a second to taste his skin everywhere she could.

He rocked his hips back and forth in a steady rhythm, meeting all the spots he knew drove her crazy in the best way to pull soft whines and moans from her lips that were attached to his shoulders and neck, licking a long stripe over his pulse point.

She pulled at the strands of his hair, forcing him down to meet her desperate tongue. His fingers left crescent moon indentations in the Skin of her thigh as he pulled it further up, angling his thrusts so deep, she cried out and followed the wave of stars into the oblivion of what she suspected to be heaven. She had been there a couple of times before, always in his arms, and every time she found herself so blissed out, she missed nothing but his touch.

There was no rush as he kept pounding into her at a gentle, reserved pace. He made love to her in a way Matt never thought he was capable of. Their lips stayed attached and their hands began to wander over the other’s body, touching every inch they would find with their fingers. He memorized her skin, every stretch mark, scar, and crevice and she did the same, tracing her fingers over his scars and the faint hairs on his chest that had grown significantly but not yet long enough for her liking.

His kisses traveled from her mouth to her face, licking and biting over her skin. She tasted sweet as always, slightly salty with sweat and tears, and the scent of his sheets lingered on her, transforming into a distinctive scent that he stored away in his brain. He kissed her forehead, cradling her head into the crook of his neck as he picked up his thrusts, the tension in his stomach too much to bear, and with how hard her cunt was squeezing around the sensitive veins of his cock as he kept hitting her most pleasurable spot, he could tell she was just as close.

She moaned into his shoulder, biting down on the skin, and he reached between their bodies to catch her clit. He started with slow circles, wanting to savor this as long as possible. Slow and steady wins the race, and the movement of his fingers felt far more intense like this, with him being so gentle and attentive as he took care of her body as if she were holy. He worshipped her, put her pleasure first, and made sure to drag every last sound out of her mouth before he even thought about himself.

Eliza licked her lips, forcing his concentrated face in height with her own. His eyes were hooded and slightly closed, but she didn’t care. She kissed him, nibbling at his bottom lip, and traced the sweaty brown hair out of his beautiful face. His thrusts faltered and he drove in at a different angle, massaging her g-spot and her inner walls perfectly with the tip of his cock, and she felt him twitch again. He was holding off, trying not to be the first to cum, but then she started meeting his thrusts and moaning directly into his ear and he had to grab the headboard for support. His self-control started lacking.

“Matthew,” she breathed his name, lips moving from his to his ear.

He grabbed her face forcefully and kissed her instead. The tone of her voice made the tingling in his stomach and the intense pressure in his balls even worse. She was so warm and tight, wet and clenching around him like a vice that held him as a form of protection from the world, and the more he thrust, the faster his orgasm seemed to approach. He had it right there. He held his long-awaited release and it was starting to grow painful. She needed more and he had to give it to her. If he came now, he wouldn’t forgive himself. But damn her, he thought, because they had sex so many times, she knew his signs and his body and he couldn’t keep the truth from her. He couldn’t deny that his strength wasn’t as great as before and that he would disappoint her; she knew.

She locked her legs around his hips, clawed her nails into his ass, and clenched around him. She was telling him silently that it was okay. Her body invited him to give her his all, but he tried not to let the selfish voice in his head tell him to give in.

She moaned his name again, shivering under his touch and the soft caress of his lips on hers. His finger still drummed against her clit, but he had lost momentum and pressure.

Eliza wrapped her hand around his throat, squeezing slightly and forcing him deeper. “It’s okay,” she said.

“No,” Matt shook his head.

“Yes.” Her heel dug into his lower back, giving him no space to escape. “Let go,” her voice reverberated in his ear. “Now.”

He tried not to, but she left him no choice. He couldn’t have pulled out even if he wanted to. His hips stuttered and he buried his head in the crook of her neck to muffle the whine that slipped his lips when he came. His cum spurted out of him and painted her walls with his seed. The fog overtook him. The endorphins and pure pleasure of his orgasm rendered him useless. He held tightly onto her, needing his lifeline to keep him grounded or he would have fallen. It was intense. It was amazing but it was intense, and his legs gave out.

He clawed at the sheets. The orgasmic haze cleared, hyper-aware of his cum that started to trickle out of her and down his shaft, and the hot sensation made him hiss. Even the silk of the sheets seemed to burn into his skin.

“I’m sorry,” he panted and he pulled out, flopping down on the mattress next to her and turning on her side.

The shame was a cruel monster inside his head, and it paired with the guilt that tainted his bloodstream. His muscles still twitched and he started to burn even brighter, his vision turning into an inferno and the sweat on his skin turning into acid. He wasn’t sure where it came from, but suddenly, his throat tensed up, he couldn’t swallow, and then the tears started to make their descent down his cheeks. The wave crashed in without warning, the shame wrapping a noose around his neck and the guilt scraping the skin of his bones. He felt every last cut of the knife, and the contractions of his soul as he kept whispering the same apology over and over again, “I’m so sorry.”

He was sure he cursed God. He was sure he prayed and thanked him at the same time that he couldn’t see, but he was sure he could smell and hear how disappointed she was. She was hot, her skin sticky and her heart beat fast and loud. She hated him, he was sure of that. He put himself first without asking. He went over her head and put her pleasure second, and then he turned away and cried like a coward. His head hated him and so he started to loathe himself. He promised to be good - he hadn’t been good. He wasn’t good.

“I’m so sorry, forgive me,” he cried, his arms curled under his head and the rest of his body curled into a tight ball. He was shivering, but not from the orgasm.

The silky fabric of the blanket found its way over his body. It stuck to the sweat on his skin, but he pulled it further up nonetheless.

“I’m sorry,” he said again.

Eliza wasn’t sure what happened, but as he cried and apologized as if he had just done something terrible, she could only watch in horror as Matt folded in on himself. He was riddled with catholic guilt, she knew that, but she never thought it would extend this far. She had never seen him like this before and it was scary as much as it was heartbreaking - she wasn’t scared of him, she was scared of what his mind might have told him to make him feel this way. He recoiled from her because he was ashamed. He refused her touch because he was ashamed, and he apologized because he was ashamed. He hadn’t done anything. She wasn’t mad, far from it. He was too caught up in his mind to listen to her signs.

She reached out slowly, not sure if he wanted her to touch him. “Hey, no,” she asked, “What are you apologizing for?”

He flinched when she touched him.

“You don’t have to…” he swallowed. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have… God, I’m so sorry.”

When he didn’t pull away, she wrapped her arms around his back fully and hugged him. “Matthew, it’s okay. You didn’t do anything.”

“No, I-”

“Matt, please, nothing happened. Don’t…”

His body was wrecked by another set of sobs. She whimpered.

“Don’t cry, please. There is no reason for you to be ashamed.”

“I used you,” he said.

“No, you didn’t.”

“I used you for my own pleasure and I didn’t even have the guts to finish it. I have every reason to be ashamed. I…”

She hugged him tighter. At first, he fought, but then he took her hands and melted into her touch further, not sure if he liked the fire she lit within him or hated it, but he knew that he needed her touch because it kept him alive when he felt like dying. He needed to hold onto something or he was sure he would slip away. She cooed into his ear, stroking her hands over where she had his forearms trapped, and nuzzled her nose against his cheek.

“I don’t need to cum to enjoy sex,” she murmured into his ear. “I enjoyed myself anyway. Matt, I…”

Eliza pursed her lips, gently rolling the man onto his back. He hid behind his hands, wiping at the tears that just kept coming. She smoothed her hands over his tense biceps. “Sometimes, sex doesn’t work the way we plan it to, and that’s okay. I don’t think I have to tell you that.”

He hiccuped.

“Have you never…” Her eyebrows furrowed when he said nothing. “You’ve never allowed yourself to cum first?” she said.

Matt shook his head weakly. His cheeks flushed, the embarrassment clouding his mind and his senses, and he tried to pull away from her again. She forced him to look at her, holding his hands close to her chest. She smiled, suddenly relieved, and the softest of laughs passed her lips.

“Are you crying because you feel guilty that I didn’t cum?”

“Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor,” he recited.

“Yes, but… Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

He scoffed.

“Point is,” she said, forcing his face in her direction again, “There is no reason for you to feel ashamed or expect me to resent you just because you couldn’t hold your orgasm. I’m okay. You didn’t hurt me, you didn’t do anything. In fact, I encouraged you to let go, Matt. I didn’t want you to hurt yourself just because your good catholic brain thinks he needs to serve everyone but himself. I don’t always need to cum first or at all, baby. I would mind if you didn’t care,” she told him, “but you’re literally crying right now, which means a lot to me that you care this badly, but please stop beating yourself up over something so… so normal. You do not have to please everyone all the time, Matthew. It’s okay. Shit happens. Sex goes wrong, and plans change, but that’s okay. And, I mean, I wouldn’t call this gone wrong. I liked it.”

His eyes fluttered close at the gentle touch on his cheek. The tears stopped falling, but he was still shaking.

“Hey,” she kissed one of the freckles on his chest, “Can you talk to me, at least? So I know you’re okay.”

Matt sniffled. “I’m sorry,” he said.

She scolded, “Stop apologizing.”

“No, I’m sorry you didn’t cum, and I’m sorry for pulling away like that.”

“It’s okay,” Eliza shushed him. “Just don’t scare me like that again, okay?”

“I just feel so guilty…” His voice cracked and he cleared his throat before he added, “I love you so much. I really don’t deserve you.”

“That’s not true. You have no reason to feel guilty.”

She laid down on his chest and he wrapped his arms around her in an instant when he felt her close to him.

“I love you too,” she said. “More than anything.”

The pulse between her legs drummed against his thigh. He stiffened. His hand slid lower, over her shoulder blades and ass cheeks, before he slipped it under the sheets to find her neglected cunt, still wet and sticky from his cum. She smelled like him.

“Matt,” said Eliza, catching his hand in the act. This was not what she intended. “I told you, it’s okay that I didn’t…”

“You were so close,” he stated. “Let me finish what I started.”

“It’s okay, I’m not even that horny any- fuck!”

He dragged a finger through the wetness between her folds, his cum and her arousal coating his tips, then rubbed it over her clit and slipped it right into her tight, abused hole.

Matt kissed her temple, his fingers beginning their expert thrusts. “Let me take care of you,” he said.

“I suppose I could…”

His thumb joined her clit as the other two digits scissored her, stretched her out, and pushed against her g-spot whenever he curled them. Her hips lazily matched his strokes. The position seemed uncomfortable, especially for him, but he reignited the desire in her stomach and since he stopped crying and offered like the gentleman he was… all Eliza knew was that she needed to cum. Now that he was already on it, she didn’t want him to stop. She could have easily lived without an orgasm before his fingers slipped back inside of her - now she had no choice but to comply with the magic of his hands as she kept grinding her pelvis against his fingers.

“Keep rocking your hips like that, love. There you go. Make yourself cum. You deserve it.”

His cum moved even deeper inside of her with every thrust. Her hips grew more desperate, she started moving faster and so did his thumb, applying more pressure to her clit. He listened to the blood rushing under her skin and her heartbeat picking up the pace again. Her nails clawed into his skin in need of leverage and she moaned, sucking one of his nipples into her mouth. His free hand moved to her hair, giving her the comfort she needed to let herself go completely.

Her lower stomach moved along his cock and he was getting more than hard again with every sweet sound that reached his ears. He grunted when she applied more pressure, the tip of his cock as sensitive as ever when it got caught against the blanket.

She stopped grinding on his fingers. “Wait,” she exhaled.

He stopped. “What? You okay?”

“Yeah, fine, just…” She sat up, sliding the covers off his body. “Do you think you can, uh, go again?” she asked with a glimpse at his hard-on.

Matt swallowed.

“I just want to feel you inside of me. Please, Matthew.”

His fingers slipped from her cunt. He took them into his mouth, tasting her and himself on the tips of his fingers. He sighed. Her hands rested on his thighs, wide eyes looking up at him expectantly. Her walls pulsated, desperate to feel his cock inside of her again, desperate to cum with him filling her up again.

Hesitantly, he nodded. He would hold back this time, no matter how much it hurt. He would let her cum again and again, as many times as she wanted before he would even think about letting himself cum.

He angled his hands on her hips to help her move up and over his pelvis, lining his cock up with her entrance. She threw her head back when she finally sank down on him. She didn’t need to adjust, she only lowered herself down on him until he was all the way inside and instantly started to rock back and forth with his cock deep inside of her.

He pushed his head into the pillow. His thumb moved back to her clit and he continued the gentle abuse until her thighs shook around his hips and her movements grew sloppy. Her palm rested flat against his scarred chest, the other holding onto the wrist that was between her legs, stimulating her in all the right ways and places.

She could grasp the orgasm again, it was right there, right where she needed him most, and he started to thrust into her from below. He hit her g-spot.

“Fuck, Matthew, I-”

Eliza couldn’t possibly finish her sentence. He caught her by the neck, her thighs locking around his hips and her cunt squeezing his cock tightly. She came, crying softly, and his fingers tightened around her pulse point. She shook, quivering, and her clit pulsated from where his thumb still rubbed against it. Her voice got lost on her, she could only whimper and whine. The thrust he met hers with eased up, her orgasm dragging on for minutes before the wave finally started to subside and retreat back into the ocean of pleasure that left her lightheaded and happy, all tension having fallen off her shoulders, and the minutes before only a distant blur in her head.

She sighed happily.

“Was that penance enough?” he asked. The flush on his cheeks had traveled to his chest again, the sight of his something to be photographed and hung up on the wall as an artistic masterpiece.

She chuckled, stroking his abs. “Partly,” she said.

“What do you mean partly?”

“Well,” she lifted her hips as much as possible, “someone’s still hard.” His cock slipped out of her and slapped against his stomach, emphasizing her point.

“Sweetheart, I already…” Matt swallowed thickly when she sat back down on him, his tip bumping her clit, and they both jolted at the overstimulation. “You don’t have to do this,” he said, but she had already started using the wetness between them to her advantage.

She slid back and forth on his cock, granting herself the sweetest friction of his shaft against her clit and her puffy folds. The swollen bundle of nerves twitched with every stroke and it added to the knot that was quick to build again.

“Give me one more and we’re even,” she purred sweetly, picking up the pace and his disapproving grunt turned into a strangled moan. His pre-cum added to the cum trickling out of her and all of her arousal, causing an obscene cacophony of sounds to fill the room that already smelled of sex, tears, and catholic guilt.

“You know I can deal without a second o-oh, fuck!”

“Two for two. It’s only fair. Now,” she grabbed his hand and forced it back around her throat, “choke me with those beautifully thick fingers of yours while I fuck myself on your cock.”

He growled, tightening his fist so tightly around her throat, she gurgled and saw stars. Matt didn’t even hesitate this time.

“Whore,” he choked out, her hips growing sloppy and her cunt clenching around the air.

She chuckled, nails digging into the area around his nipples as she tugged at them to make him moan. “Yours,” she said.

“Mine,” he said.

“God, I love you so much.”

She shivered.

“My good girl.”

Her body locked up and she came long before he did, his cock disappearing between her folds momentarily as she spasmed over him, coating not only his length but his stomach in her wetness.

His fingers squeezed again, knocking the air out of her lungs. In an instant, he had pulled her back down on him, his cock buried deep in her cunt and he thrust upward two more times before his stomach and balls tensed up and he came hard inside of her, his cum coating her walls for the second time and making her feel so incredibly full, she moaned. She clenched to keep him inside, to feel him mark her forever and keep the reminder of him deep inside of her.

His grip loosened and she toppled over, head landing on his chest, and she panted heavily into his chest. She felt like a used, wet towel covered in cum and sweat and some of his tears. He held her, not quite trusting himself just yet either. His entire body shook with the aftershocks of his orgasm and hers combined, chest heaving and aligning with hers.

After a moment of regaining power over their minds and limbs, Eliza lifted her head, cheekily staring into his eyes. “Guess we fixed that,” she said.

He took a deep breath before he laughed, pulling out of her and rolling them over until she was on her back and he could slot himself between her thighs. She yelped. His grin reached from one to the other ear, diving down to capture her lips in a loving, heated kiss that had her sighing into his mouth.

“I’m sorry for earlier,” he said. “I overreacted.”

As he traced her hair out of her face, she returned the gesture with another kiss. “Don’t overthink it,” she said. “As I said, shit happens. Sex doesn’t always work flawlessly.”

“I know, but… I don’t know, no one’s ever been this attentive to my needs before and I just… I can’t believe that you’re still here with me.”

“You better start believing then, counselor, because you’re not getting rid of me anytime soon.”

“I’m starting to think you’re right.”

“About damn time.”

Their fingers intertwined over her head and their lips found back home again.

The clock kept ticking, but for them, time had long stopped being real. They enjoyed each other’s company with lazy kisses under the warm blankets, the sun shining through the closed curtains and turning the brown in his eyes into the color of honey. His lip glistened with her saliva and hers were swollen from the many times he had buried his teeth in her bottom lip. His hand rested on her sternum, fingers resting just above her aorta where he felt her pulse steadily thrumming against the skin from below. She was alive, he was alive, and they were together, right where they belonged. There was no reason to worry. There was no reason to feel ashamed. She didn’t run or curse him, she stayed. If he had to keep his hand around her neck forever to remind him of that, he would gladly do it and she would let him.

After a prolonged shower, the couple feasted on the pancakes that had long gone cold. With a glimpse at the clock, Eliza realized they spent more than three hours tangled in bed together, and he had already let her sleep in which put the time somewhere around noon when they finally had breakfast and coffee.

It was a domestic sight; Matt did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen while she sat back and watched him move around in everyday clothes and a content smile on his face. The happiness bloomed in her chest like a young flower, still fragile and not at her full size, but it was growing and blooming with each passing sunray. He was her sun and her love was growing more and more every day, as did her happiness. The field of positive emotions was expanding and she couldn’t wait to tell someone, anyone, about how happy he made her. Eliza was sure she would combust. Even during their darkest times, they held each other’s hands, and she would never pull away from him again.

The harsh ringtone of her phone tore her out of her dreamy haze. She flinched, reaching for the device at the edge of the table. “Oh, for fuck’s sake,” she muttered under her breath when she read the caller ID.

Matt frowned. “What?” he asked, his lips pursed in the most adorable, most curious pout she had seen in a while.

Eliza shook her head. “It’s just… Happy,” she said.

“And? Aren’t you waiting for a call from him?”

“I’m waiting for Tony to call me back, not his forehead of security.”

“Forehead of-”

“Doesn’t matter. I gotta take this.”

“Oh,” he hummed, “Okay.”

Closing the door behind her, she swiped left. She answered without wasting a second on pleasantries, “About fucking time you picked up your phone to call me back,” she said.

“I’m sorry, I was busy,” Happy retorted. Behind him, several voices kept screaming at each other. “Stark Industries doesn’t sleep, not even on weekends, you know that.”

“I’m well aware, but I called you because it was urgent and you what, didn’t even listen to my fifty voicemails until now?”

“Listen, Liz, I didn’t even think you’d still read the letter. I tried to talk to Tony, but he won’t let anyone into his office, as usual. I talked to Pepper, but he hasn’t talked to her either. I tried his cell, but he won’t answer. I don’t think it’s personal. He’s shutting us out, too.”

“Did you tell him, at least?”

“Of course, I did. I told him you wanted to talk, but I got nothing. No reaction, no sign of life, nothing. You know, maybe you should come over and talk to him in person.”

“Talk to him in-” She bit down on her fist, trying to calm the quiver in her voice. “I left him ten voicemails. If he doesn’t answer them, that’s his problem. I made a step toward him. I told him I’m open to negotiation. If he’s not willing to talk to me, he can take his letter and shove it up his fucking ass! Tell him that. Maybe that will wake him up.”

“You know he hates confrontation,” he said.

“By God, that is not my problem.”

Happy sighed. “Did you go to your father’s apartment yet? You said he left you the key in the letter, right?”

“I don’t know if I will,” she said, her answer truthful and vulnerable but at the same time incredibly angry. “I remember what he wrote in his letter, but I don’t know many things right now, so it’d be nice of Tony to get his shit together and talk to me like a normal person. He started this. He has to find the guts to talk to me. I won’t take another step before he doesn’t crawl out from under this depressive stone he’s crawled himself under. I respect he’s struggling, but he wasn’t there when I was struggling, so I will not cave. I did my part, now it’s his turn.”

“Look, I’m trying, okay? But I can’t promise anything. Hell, I don’t even know what he’s thinking. I can’t help you with this, Liz. You and Tony need to solve this yourself. I can’t be the messenger,” he said. “I’ve got enough on my plate with the work Pepper has left me with since she doesn’t have you to help her anymore, and I just… I’m drowning here, so I need you to reconcile with Tony and get back here.”

Eliza let out a high-pitched laugh. “No,” she answered plainly. “I have a job, I have a life and I won’t be roped back into being a servant. The Avengers are over and I’m done. I’m willing to talk to Tony but only if he shows that he still cares about what he wrote in that letter. That is my condition. If you won’t… if you don’t want to play the messenger, that’s fine,” she said, “I still love you like family, Happy. This is not your weight to carry, you’re right. But if Tony doesn’t answer me, I guess you will have to deal with the fact that I won’t return. That’s my condition, that’s the deal. Tony comes to me or I won’t come back at all. There is no negotiating a peace if neither parties are willing to make a truce.”

He challenged her with, “Are you?”

She nodded, her jaw set in stone. “I am, but is Tony? That’s the real question. If I don’t get an answer, that only means he doesn’t care about reconciling, or he’s changed his mind about me, I don’t know. I don’t care. I just want to move on. Tell him that. Let him know where I stand one last time, and that’s it. If he still doesn’t act, that’s his problem and I won’t bother you with this anymore. But I won’t come around for someone who doesn’t care about putting effort into getting our relationship back on track. I need him to take the bait first before I take that road. He doesn’t deserve the cab money I’d spend to get to you, not yet.”

The line went eerily quiet before he gave a weary sigh. “Alright, I’ll tell him. One last time,” he emphasized, “and then it’s on the two of you to figure this out.”

“Thank you!”

“I only do this because I love you.”

“Thanks, Happy, appreciate it.”

“And because you’re both very dear to me, but that’s it.”

“I get it, thank you.”

“Yeah.”

“And Happy?”

“What?”

“I’m, uh, planning to have a funeral for my father. I don’t… You’ve never met him but maybe, if I end up deciding that I want this… maybe you want to come? Would that- would that be something you can do?”

“Oh,” he stuttered. “I… yes, of course. If that- if you want this, sure. Tell me the time and place and I’ll be there.”

Eliza nodded slowly, her eyes trailing out onto the street below the apartment and the Billboard that stood before it. “I haven’t my mind up yet,” she said. “I might not do it, I don’t know. I guess I’d have to go to his apartment first, see what he left me, but I can’t… if Tony and I can’t even get our shit together after he wrote that letter and I realized I made mistakes too, what use would it have to try and make amends with what Anton left me? He’s the reason all of this shit went down in the first place. He forced Tony to make an impossible decision. And I still…” Her fist hit the window quietly. “I still love him like a daughter would love a father who was there. It’s… it’s twisted. So please, Happy, tell Tony to call me back, at least. I need to know where we stand,” she said. “And I’ll tell you the rest over a cup of coffee, okay?”

He seemed to scramble something on the other end. Paper rustled and he pulled out a pen. “How about tomorrow at…” he flipped a page, “Ten?”

She chuckled. “Can’t. Uh, Matt is making me go to Sunday Mass with him.”

“You’re going to church?”

“Yeah, mostly because I need to talk funeral arrangements with the father because you know, my dad was Russian catholic, so a catholic funeral is the closest he can get here, and Matt said Clinton Church actually does these really nice services… I don’t know, I’m coming with him to find answers and some guidance on what to do, I guess,” she trailed off.

It sounded as if he nodded on the other end. “You want me to come?” he asked.

“What?” Eliza sucked her bottom lip into her mouth. “No, I…” she shook her head. “Would you?”

The question was useless. Even though Happy was far from being a catholic or a church-goer, he would do it for her. He would pack his stuff and come to church with her. She didn’t need to ask to know the answer he would give.

“Where is it?”

“Clinton Church,” she told him.

“I’ll be there.”

“Wait, maybe I should ask Matt-”

“Oh, no, he offered,” said Happy.

“Wait, what?”

“Not this Sunday mass, of course, but he asked me if I wanted to join him for some church gatherings someday. When we were texting, I mean.”

Her eyes almost bulged out of her head. “You texted?”

“We do every day, yeah.”

“How did I not know this?” She looked over at the closed bedroom door.

“Well, he said he wants to get to know me because you guys are pretty serious and he wants to make sure you have a good support system.”

“He… he said that?”

The glaze of unshed tears wiped over her eyes. Her heart grew even heavier with the pure love that weighed like a brick of gold. She was so thankful, it almost hurt how in love she was with him. She was sure she picked the right one.

Matt was the kind of man who would care about her always, and make sure she wasn’t alone when she needed someone. She was the first and last thought on his mind all day, every day, and he used every chance he got to take care of her with all he had, even if he had to wear himself thin for it. He dedicated his life and his soul to the people he loved, and now she was the one thing he cherished most in life and she got everything he had to give, no matter how scared or insecure he was. He held on even when she couldn’t. He was afraid she might leave him again, afraid of getting hurt, afraid of losing her - he held on because he loved her and he showed her that in all the ways he could, in all the ways he only knew how. She didn’t deserve even half of what he did for her.

“He’s the one,” she murmured.

The tap in the other room turned on and she hoped the water concealed her words enough for him to not pick them up.

“I’m gonna marry him, Happy,” Eliza blurted out, her head turned far away from the door.

He gasped. “Wow, okay,” he said.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t… but I needed to tell someone. Because if he comes to you to ask for your blessing - and he will, I mean, that man is highly catholic and you’re the closest thing I have to a father right now - I want you to say yes because him? I’m not letting him go again, no matter what it takes. Even if I have to propose to him myself.”

She knew she couldn’t give him the kind of traditional family his religion saw fit, but she wanted to give him everything else she could. She wanted to be his family and she wanted to grow old with him. And if she was already so sure about that, she was certain she wouldn’t change her mind again. The feeling was overwhelming and it needed to be said out loud, and the more she admitted it to herself, the bigger the flower of happiness in her chest grew. it overshadowed all the pain and the fear that once consumed her. With Matt, she had hope, and she was sure she could one day be happy and careless just with him. Him and her, for all eternity, because he was the only man she truly needed.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Happy said suddenly. She had missed about half of their conversation.

She blinked, tearing her eyes away from the streets of New York. “Sure, yeah, tomorrow,” she said.

The line clicked and she was left alone in the buzz of love and her thoughts putting a blanket of comfort over her.

Matt, who seemed laser-focused on cleaning the cupboard with his spice collection, jumped a little when he felt her arms around his waist. “Hey there,” he chuckled softly, her face buried between his shoulder blades.

Eliza breathed him in. She could not be waivered in her decision - she loved him. He was home. “Thank you,” she said.

“For what?” he asked.

“Everything.”

He got off his tiptoes to turn around, holding her in his arms now. “Everything?”

“I love you.” She leaned up to kiss him. “So much.”

He chuckled. “And I love you so much, too.”

“Did you hear us talking on the phone?”

“No,” it wasn’t even a lie, “Why?”

“No reason.”

“Is there something I need to know?”

“Not yet,” she told him.

“What’s that mean?”

“Nothing. I’m just glad you’re here with me.”

He kissed her again, then engulfed her in a bone-crushing hug that took all of the air out of her lungs.

Eventually, he loosened his grip to feel his wrist, checking for his watch. When he couldn’t find it, he sighed. “What time is it?” Matt asked.

She kissed his empty wrist, eyes switching to the oven clock. It came with the apartment, most likely, but didn’t benefit him in any way. “Six,” she answered.

He could tell by the change in air density and the fading tourist sounds that were replaced by music and limousines driving the streets of Hell’s Kitchen toward Manhattan that it was already dark outside.

“Is it dark?” he checked to clarify.

“Almost,” she said. “Why?”

“Get dressed,” he then told her. “We’re leaving at seven.”

“What’s going on? Why are we leaving?”

“I have a surprise for you.” His lip twitched. “Just do as you’re told, sweetheart. You’re gonna love it, I promise.”

“What kind of clothes?”

“I don’t know, clothes.”

“Matt.”

“Honestly, you can wear a trash bag. I don’t care.”

Eliza huffed, but she distanced herself from him against all reservations and returned to the bedroom. She pulled out a pair of jeans and a shirt - the most basic outfit choice she could think of. In her mind, they were going for a walk or breaking into a museum to have a date night. She didn’t think much of it. Matt loved to take risks and he loved spontaneous arrangements even more. She wondered if he would take her to have some street food and ice cream, perhaps return to the Lavender Haze park that she had grown to love after their shared dance. Maybe he would take her dancing. Or he would do something unexpected and they would end up in trouble. She wasn’t sure and she hated he refused to tell her.

When she got out of the bedroom, dressed and ready, and she caught sight of him, she settled on the latter suspicion.

He was wearing his Daredevil suit, minus the cowl, standing at the foot of the couch waiting for her. “Hold up,” she said. her heart dropped, her face paled and her fingers started to itch. She had been angry and sweating before during the phone call, but… she didn’t like this. Whatever idea he had, it was a bad one.

“Do I need to wear fighting equipment, is that- what are we doing?” Eliza gave him a questioning and suspicious look. “You know I can’t… it’s dangerous for me to be out there, Matt. You can’t just take me out after sunset all ominous with a secret surprise in your Daredvil suit, not after what happened yesterday. Dark alleys are no great surprises. Being a vigilante is not my thing.”

Matt grabbed her shoulders to bring her face-to-face with him again. He smashed their lips together to shut her up, her heartbeat loud and clear and about twice its usual speed. “Relax,” he said, “We’re not doing that.”

“Then why are you wearing that fucking suit?”

Even her body was shaking.

“Shh,” he stroked his thumb over her cheek, “The surprise is waiting somewhere I can’t be Matt Murdock, but that’s it. We’re not jumping head-first into reckless danger. I’m not trying to push you to use your powers or anything like that. I would never do that, baby.”

“I don’t understand,” she whispered, bottom lip between her teeth.

What if she hurt someone again?

“Do you trust me?” he asked.

She couldn’t say no to that, so she answered truthfully, as always, “Of course, I do,” she said.

“Then let me take you there and you’ll see that it’s only half bad. Hm?” He tugged at her lip. “Can you do that for me, Angel?”

Eliza shivered. “I don’t…” she looked into his sparkling eyes, the small smirk on his lips, and the trust she had for him exceeded her expectations. “Okay,” she said, caving. “I can do that.”

“Good ‘cause we have to leave now if we don’t want to be late.” He pecked her lips. “Let’s do this, huh? Let me surprise you.”

“I hate surprises.”

“You’re gonna have a love-hate relationship with this one, trust me.”

Eliza pouted after him as he jogged up the stairs to the roof exit. “That somehow makes it worse.”

He chuckled, opening the door and waiting for her to follow in his footsteps. “Are you coming?” he said.

She clutched the necklace he gifted her.

“Sweetheart?”

“Yeah,” she grumbled, “I’m coming.”

“That���s my girl.”

He didn’t miss the death glare she shot him as she passed by him.

“Don’t be so pessimistic,” Matt slapped her ass, “It’s not a good look on you.”

“Stop slapping my ass,” she retorted.

Clicking his tongue, he chuckled, “Never.”

He took her down dark roads over dark rooftops and alleyways until they reached a particularly dark dead end. It seemed like a driveway in an alley somewhere in Hell’s Kitchen, the space leading up to the door of a garage.

Matt placed a finger against his lips when she opened her mouth. “What are we doing here?” she asked anyway.

“Trust me,” he mouthed back. He reached for the lock on the door.

“Wait, are we breaking in?”

“Eliza.”

“That’s illegal.”

But he didn’t break the lock, thank God, he only took it and banged it against the metal. It was a rhythm of two thuds, a small pause, and then another three. She stared at her boyfriend, the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen in all of his glory with the moonlight falling on his red eyes, and then at the metal door that separated them from whatever place they found themselves.

She grabbed his arm when they received no answer, whispering into his ear. “We should go. Whatever we’re doing here, this can wait until the morning, can’t it?”

After everything, she was a bit queasy about cops. She didn’t want to be a suspect again. That didn’t end so well the last time.

“It’s gonna be fine,” he assured her. “Just… wait. Sometimes it takes a moment.”

Matt knocked again, this time with his clothed fist. The same rhythm filled the quiet night. For a few seconds, the world went deathly quiet. Then, finally, the lock twisted and turned and it clicked. His lip twitched into a satisfied, knowing smirk. He opened the door, holding it open behind him so Eliza could step into the dimly lit garage after him.

She kept her head low, her heartbeat steady but with goosebumps on her skin. She wasn’t sure what to think of this place if she was supposed to trust it or be weary. Matt seemed more than comfortable, but that didn’t mean anything. The person this garage belonged to could turn out to be her worst enemy for all she knew, he wouldn’t even have to know.

“I was wondering when you’d come,” the male voice somewhere on the other end of the room behind wooden palettes and mannequins said. “Thanks to the measurements you gave me, I got finished much faster than usual. It’s not perfect, but you said it was urgent so I focused more on the practical components than the aesthetic ones. I hope that’s okay. Although I’ve been wondering why you’d need such a small suit.” The man chuckled, his voice now resembling the sound of a child’s laughter.

He stepped out of the darkness of the other half of his garage, bald-headed with a mustache and wearing a blue flannel atop a v-neck and a pair of jeans. His boots scratched against the floor. He held a towel in his hand, another over his shoulder. When he saw Matt in the comfort of the dark, he didn’t shy away, he only smiled.

“You didn’t lose weight,” he stated. “Oh, but the holes in your suit…” The stranger approached him and Eliza’s fists clenched at her sides, ready to attack him even though he screamed anything but dangerous in the way he carried himself, and he spoke like he couldn’t consciously hurt a fly. He looked strong, but only physically, his mind seemed to be a little more twisted. “What did you do, get shot at?”

“Melvin,” Matt interrupted him instead.

“Yes?”

“I want you to meet someone,” he said.

He stepped aside to reveal her. She frowned, looking between him and who she suspected was Melvin. He looked confused at first, then his eyes widened and he stepped back.

“Woah, man, I told you…” he reached for the screwdriver on his workbench. “No new people. You promised. For me, for- for Betsy. You were supposed to be my friend!”

Eliza instantly lifted her arms at the smallest hint of fear in his voice and demeanor. “No,” she said, “No, I’m not a bad guy. Far from it. I’m just… Honestly, I don’t know what I’m doing here, but I’m not here to hurt you. He didn’t bring me here to hurt you. Melvin, was it?” she asked.

He nodded.

“You seem like a good guy, Melvin. Good intuition. Tell me, am I lying?”

Melvin eyed her carefully, his grip on the screwdriver loosening, as did Matt’s shoulders. He looked at the Daredevil, his lips pursed. “It’s for her?” he asked.

“Yes,” said Matt.

“Is she like you? A superhero?”

“Do you watch the news?”

“No, Betsy won’t let me.”

“That’s… understandable. Doesn’t matter. You’ve heard about the Avengers though, right?”

Melvin nodded, surer this time.

“Well, she’s one of them, and she’s my friend. So in some ways, she is like me, but in most ways, she is better. Now, I didn’t come here to hurt you. We have a deal, you’re right. I asked you to do this for her.”

“You’re an Avenger?” he questioned, eyeing her up and down again. His shoulders straightened and he stepped closer. “Which one?”

“Well, I’m not the Hulk,” Eliza said. She shrugged.

He looked at her more closely, then his lip cracked up and he laughed. He laughed loudly, eyes crinkling at the corners, and only then did Matt ease up completely and she sighed, somehow more relieved that he didn’t run away screaming than anything else.

“I’m Eliza,” she told him.

“My name’s Melvin. Potter,” he said.

“Nice meeting you.”

“I make his suits.”

“You-” she turned to Matt with raised eyebrows. “That is oddly interesting,” she said.

“D saved me and Betsy from Mister Fisk. I owe him my life.”

Matt chuckled awkwardly, waving his hand. “It’s not… it doesn’t matter,” he shrugged it off. “It was nothing. Fisk deserved to be locked away.”

“According to Melvin, you are a hero.”

“That’s because he is. Daredevil is a hero,” said Melvin. He scrambled back to reach for a box he put on the shelf that separated both halves of the room. It was a brown wooden box with a bow.

Eliza eyed the bow curiously.

“So I help Daredevil out,” he continued, “and he helps me out. Today though, I’ve helped him by making this.”

Matt removed his glove and stopped him, a bare hand on the box. “Thanks, Melvin,” he said.

“You want me to give it to her now?”

Eliza stepped into the light of the lamp that hung from the ceiling and shone its light on the workbench. “Give me what?” she asked.

The two men shared a look. He toyed with the bow.

“When you got hurt last night, I thought… you said you didn’t have a suit and that you need to be in control of yourself so you can control your powers. I know that doesn’t even begin to cut it close,” he said, “but I asked Melvin to make something for you so you can try again. I know how much you need the fight, almost more than I do.”

Matt motioned for Melvin to open the lid. He did.

“What did you do?” Eliza murmured.

The bow slipped off. She peeked into the dark inside. It was the same red fabric Matt had incorporated into his suit, though hers was a mix between black, scarlet, maroon and crimson, all sorted in different spots. The chest piece looked similar to a pair of feathery wings, the sleeves long with cut-outs on her elbow and her upper arms and there was a belt around the waist attached to something resembling a skirt, but it was open in the front and attached to a pair of leather pants. The cleavage was barely visible, a few leather bands attached to a piece around the collarbones and throat. They were sewn in a triangular formation, and in the middle of the amalgamation of fabric with the small slits in-between, there set a red crystal. It wasn’t real, or she figured it wasn’t, but it was formed like a rhombus or a diamond and the color fit perfectly. And when she touched it, it glowed.

“Oh, my God,” she whispered. Her breath got stolen away. “D… Melvin… I- I don’t know how… Jesus fucking Christ.”

“It’s not perfect because I had to rush, but if you look at it from the outside,” Melvin told her and lifted the suit out of its confines, “It actually looks pretty good. The crimson parts can divert a bullet, the black might deflect a knife, and the other ones… well, they’re actually just fillers for decoration. So maybe try not to get shot or stabbed there.”

“The crystal,” she pointed out.

“Oh, that’s just for decoration, but it lights up under touch, so if you ever need a flashlight in the dark…” he pressed his finger down on it. The softest red glow erupted from the stone, and the glass that enveloped it glittered slightly. “One of Betsy’s necklaces gave me the idea.” he looked so adorable. He was proud of himself, there was no doubt about it, and she couldn’t blame him.

The suit was beautiful, with careful craftsmanship and he put thought behind it. It was nothing like the Avengers suit Tony made for her or the one she had to wear at SHIELD. This one was personalized, especially with the angel wings and the red. Matt must have told him all about her because the suit was hers. It spelled Red Angel. The one thing people would expect upon hearing her name laid right in her hands, and she could wear it any time. She could become a hero again, one that would be known as more than just an Avenger. It was a fever dream and Matt had made it true with just one phone call the other night. He did that for her. For her, for Eliza, not just for anyone. First the necklace, now the suit - he was planning to make her cry.

She blinked the tears away. “It’s beautiful,” her voice bordered on a whisper.

“Would you like to put it on?” Melvin asked. “I need to see if I got the measurements right.”

“I don’t doubt he got them just right,” she told him with a look at Matt. The man blushed the same color as his suit. “But yes, I’d like to put it on, if you don’t mind.”

he opened his arms toward a secluded space. “You can get changed over there if you want.”

She grabbed the suit with shaky hands, excitement and anxiety blurring together. “Thanks.”

“Meanwhile, I gotta fix the holes in your man’s suit. It’s a wonder he hasn’t been killed yet, walking around like that…”

As she kept shedding out of her clothes behind the wooden palettes, she chuckled. “I thought the same thing,” she declared.

“It’s just a few scrapes,” Matt jumped to his own defense.

Melvin went in with a needle and thread, adding some more of the fabric he found. “You should have brought this to me sooner,” he said.

“I didn’t have the time, and I’m here now, so…”

“Almost too late.”

By the time Eliza had finished squeezing into the tight fabric, Melvin had patched up most of the significant holes in the Daredevil suit. Upon his offer to do more than just add a few stitches, Matt declined. He heard her accelerated heartbeat and her steps approaching from behind the curtain.

Judging from Melvin’s stunned silence, she must have looked good. She brushed past him and stood in front of the mirror that stood against the dirty wall. “Zip me up?” she said to Matt.

His hands went to work. They would have without being asked to, but he didn’t want to come off desperate. He found the zipper and pulled it up, feeling the fabric in the process. It was similar to his but not the same. He touched the waistline and the way the entire suit fit her body perfectly, every last measurement in the right place. The top hugged her breasts perfectly and offered support even without a bra and the makeshift skirt that he told him to add gave her the same individuality she lacked in the other suits. This was her now, no one else’s, and like this, she couldn’t be confused with anyone else.

He touched the gem in the middle of her sternum. “Perfect,” he purred into her ear. “You look perfect.”

Tears sprung into her eyes. She hadn’t quite comprehended the sight of herself in such a perfectly tailored fight suit yet. Tony did his best with her old one, but no one had ever personalized it the way Melvin did before. Especially the wings that adorned the front made it look so much more epic. It wasn’t just a suit, this was like a second skin made for her specifically, and she had Matt to thank for that. Without his senses, he wouldn’t have been able to guess her measurements right. His attention to detail paid off in the end, especially around the zones that were hard to fit. She had never felt more comfortable in a piece of clothing.

“Wow, this is… thank you,” she breathed. “Thank you, Matt, really. I don’t know what else to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. I told you, you only deserve the best. And maybe this proves to you that you are meant to be a hero.”

“Maybe you’re right…”

“I’ve got something else for you,” Melvin cut in from behind. He held two knives in his hands, possibly even daggers. “These are made to fit into the holsters on your thighs,” he explained. “Here.” He demonstrated by sliding the blade into the tiny pockets on the sides of her pants. “I heard you might need those.”

Knowing Matt probably told him all about her obsession with knives, she chuckled. “It’s beautiful,” said Eliza, admiring the sight of the handles sticking out of her thighs and how they blended with the rest of the suit. “Thank you, Melvin.”

He nodded. “I also have matching gloves, if you’d be interested.”

“I thought you said you had limited time.”

“There’s always time for gloves.”

He pulled them from the wooden box and handed them to her. She slid the leather gloves on, relishing the fact that even they fit perfectly, neither too large nor too small. She moved her fingers, testing the flexibility. She could easily fight like that, use all of her skills, and still be protected.

“Thank you, really,” she said again, eyeing her new outfit in the mirror. She felt comfortable in her skin, finally, like nothing could disturb her. She was invincible, almost. “I couldn’t have asked for a better gift.”

“Your boyfriend had the idea, I just executed it.”

She smiled up at Matt who seemed to try and bite back a smirk. “I know. I guess he just really loves me.”

“I guess he does,” said Matt.

“You’re crazy.”

He stood behind her again, stroking her shoulders and the new sensation of the fabric on her skin. “Someone had to give you faith again, even if it’s just in yourself. Tell me,” he said, “did I succeed?”

Eliza placed the palm of his hand over her heart. “You did,” she said, and her heartbeat was sure to underline the truth of the statement.

His teeth grazed her ear. “You know, I believe there are a few robbers in the bank down the street. I can hear them.”

She smirked, his red eyes dangerously staring into hers through the mirror. She matched his demeanor, taking his hand and intertwining their fingers at her side. “That would be unfortunate if we didn’t stop them, don’t you think?”

“Indeed it would,” he hummed. “Would you like to test the suit’s flexibility now, my Angel?”

Pulling him with her toward the door, she paid no mind to Melvin’s confused figure in their way. And she said to him, “I thought you’d never ask, my Devil.” As if she had never doubted herself in the first place, ever.

And just like that, the Red Angel was reborn and Daredevil, the man without fear, sustained her existence with a love he had never fathomed possible to conjure up for anyone but his city. The two became a team to be reckoned with, and with trouble on the horizon like every dark and twisted night in Hell’s Kitchen, New York needed their personal bodyguards more than ever.

New York City, the city that never sleeps, and a duo of vigilantes that no criminal wanted to mess with - that no one knew even existed until it was too late, and Hell’s Kitchen could fall asleep in peace (or a resemblance of that, at least) once more.

[bonesandthebees]

HSFKGPDJFOFJRLGNRLGNGKGMRKGNRLFNFLFJRKFKDKGOYK

THAT IS NOT ACTUALLY HOW I INTENDED RHE CHAPTER TO END WTFFHSJFKGJEBFKGBDKFIVKFNR PHKYGODDDJGKFISJDKFLSLFLYLGLF

Damn

AMAZING CHAPTER CLAP CLAP CLAP I ADORE IT SM

IM SO HAPPY CLINGYDUO IS BACK, I LOVE CLINGYDUO:(( SOBS WAILS BAWLS

And im proud to announce that i noticed the name switches nearly every time B) very smooth still tho omg

I LOVEEEEEE HOW BOYH TECHNO AND TOMMY WERE JUST LIKE "wait when did u two get so close what!?!?" (@ sandduo) tho I'd imagine it was more tommy being shocked than techno but EUUEUE

Also anytime phil says smth along the lines of "my kid" @ tommy i take 10+ psychic damage, i love rhem so much bro ohmhydoskfjtlflsd

Ooohhmygoodnessshfkgkg im so excited for tomorrows chapter (but also incredibly scared)

DAWG THEYEVE BEEN AVOIDING GOING OUTSIDE ONLY TO FORCIBLY BE THROWN SHFKGLGKGKGKDNTKGLGK

Gah, fate, you can never control it (in these types of situations)

Aaaa thank you!! This chapter was really the calm before shit hit the fan lol

Clingyduo :))) I missed them too I love writing their banter sm

YEAHHHH I want you guys to notice the name switches!! There were so many of them this chapter. They’re getting very regular now so it’s fun for me to decide when to use which name

Lmao yeah Tommy was definitely the more shocked one watching Phil and Wilbur hug, but Techno was definitely also like 🤨 didn’t expect that

Love throwing in the occasional ‘my kid’ from Phil Tommy might give him hundreds of headaches but that’s still his annoying little shit of a son

Yuppp fate was gonna get them outside one way or another :)

[rain-candles-jazz]

Whumpcember 2022 day3: storm

(i'm still not great at knowing what needs to be tagged, so hit me up if I missed smth)

tw: body modification/cybernetics, panic attack (sort of)

005 stepped outside the sliding metal doors before they had fully stopped. For the first time since his kidnapping, he saw the sky *grey and dour* and smelled fresh air *lifeless and residually smoky*. The landscape that greeted him was pockmarked and brown; the testing ground for weapons, he knew.

He recalled the words of one of the scientists performing his daily physical earlier that morning. "They've finally deemed you repaired enough for testing." 005 had remained silent as usual. He had long been used to being treated as a commodity. The verbiage used by those he met in this facility merely stated it outright.

The scientist had smiled, bitterly it seemed. "You'll have the opportunity to meet your..." he grimaced, searching for the right word. "Teammates," he settled on.

No more information had been given to him. What good was there of informing a weapon of personal details…

Now, 005 planted his boots firmly on the desolate earth, watching as grey dust flew away from under him.

He heard the sound of more metal doors sliding open next to him, and out of identical small bunkers emerged 3 other humans, all dressed in blue uniforms and black boots like him. He turned to observe them as they all stepped next to him.

Immediately, the grey-haired man looked up to him with an earnest smile. "You muzt be 005.” The accent was strong, but 005 couldn’t immediately place it.

The blonde woman next to the first man leaned out a bit to look at him as well. "A pleazure to meet you," she smiled. 005 was sure, this time, of the French accent. “I am 003. Zis is 004," she motioned to the grey-haired man who nodded. "And 002," she motioned to her other side, where a red-headed man glared.

"Yeah, hi," was his only response. A fellow American, 005 noted the familiar dialect.

In response, 005 merely lifted a large hand in greeting. "Hello. You're right. I'm 005." He had adjusted quickly to his new "name". The name he had been going by before this wasn't his real name either, so it hardly mattered now.

004 turned his gaze to the sky. "Looks like it may rain. You better be careful up there 002." He glanced over to the American, who scoffed at his concern.

A short blaring alarm rang out, and 005 looked around for its source, then noticed that this didn't phase the others in the slightest. As soon as the sound ended, they began walking forward into the wasteland. 005 followed.

It wasn't too long before 003 stopped, closing her eyes and putting a hand to her ear. 002 and 004 immediately stopped to look at her. "Missiles," she said softly. "There are many, still being launched."

A moment of silence. "Well that doesn't seem very creative," 002 put his hands on his hips, unconcerned.

"Maybe they want something simple, to test out our new comrade here," 004 motioned toward 005 with a tilt of his head.

"No, there are too many of zem... I don’t know if they’ve ever launched zis many at once…" 003's eyes were closed, as though envisioning the coming weapons. "002, go now..."

005 looked toward the distance and saw waves of trails of smoke in the sky, a hundred of them or more, heading right for them.

In response, 002 wordlessly took a few steps back, and leaped into the air, blazing jets propelling him into the sky from his feet.

005 gazed in amazement as 002 flew off like a comet, out towards the incoming missiles.

004 stepped in front of 003 and removed a white glove from his right hand to reveal a metallic replacement, an awful polished thing that looked to 005 like a facsimile of both a human hand and a gun.

004 held his hand in front of him and looked at it with a frown. He turned his head back to 003, who was looking at him expectantly. "Ready when you are," he said as he turned back around face the oncoming barrage.

003 turned back to 005, who was standing back awkwardly, staring dumbstruck as explosions starting echoing out in the sky around 002, as he darted around them like a hummingbird.

"005," she said, her soft voice in sharp contrast to the impending chaos. "We do not know what ze Black Ghost has done to you." 005 had to admit that he wasn't even sure himself. "We will not ask you to fight with us... you do what you feel is right."

"What ever else happens," 004 added without turning around. "Do not let them take your humanity."

With that, 003 began calling out coordinates of missiles 002 had been unable to intercept, and 004 fired his hand into that area, destroying bomb after bomb high in the air

005 was stunned,and he took another step backward, away from these strange people, away from these explosions and gunfire... these... tests??

"There’s just too many!" 003 yelled, crouching, both hands in a vice around her head.

"003! Focus on the closest ones!" 004 yelled, now firing wildly at the missiles that were close enough to see.

"002, no!" 003 exclaimed before an explosion that dwarfed the others rang out from the sky. 005 saw a pillar of smoke descending as what was surely 002's limp form plummeted toward the ground.

004 growled as a wall of missiles now dropped toward them, unabated. He continued firing all around without 003's direction. A bomb heading right toward them was nearly upon them when 004 hurriedly aimed and fired. The missile exploded, too close to the group. 004 and 003 were thrown back behind 005, both landing hard.

003, having been shielded by 004, sat up and wincing with mental pain, crawled the short distance to 004, who was unresponsive. The missiles kept falling around them, and 003 closed her eyes and tried to shield her friend with her own body as another seemed to fly directly toward them.

There was an explosion, but no pain, no concussing force or blinding light. 003 looked up to see 005, hands outstretched, eyes closed in expectation. Smoke was rising from his back. "005," she whispered in amazement. "You are a shield."

005 opened his eyes. He was alive... more than that, he was alright. He turned to face the remaining barrage and took a step forward. Another missile hit his chest, and though it pushed him backward a bit, he was standing and unhurt.

"Its almost over!" he heard 003 yell to him.

Without any more hesitation, 005 defended his teammates from the remainder of the missiles. He blocked them with his body and even punched a few right out of the air like flies. At last, the explosions fell silent, and 005 still stood, panting, but mostly unharmed.

003 stood up, 004 leaning an arm over her shoulders for support. They limped up to where he stood, gazing over the newly wrecked landscape. "005," came 003's soft voice again. "Thank you... for protecting us." 004 nodded in agreement.

005 dipped his head back silently in response, his face a mask of emotionlessness… he was quite unsure of how to process all this…

"Well," 004 grimaced as he spoke, regaining his footing and releasing 003's support. "I suppose we should go pick up 002." He gazed off in the direction 002 had landed.

They had only taken a few steps before 002 emerged from over a crater. He was burned and sparks flew from a leg before he fell flat on his face in front of them. 005 stepped up to his prone form. "Are you alright?"

002 gripped the dirt in front of him as another spark shot off from his legs. He gritted his teeth, and through them said, "I'm fine."

005 bent down and picked 002 up effortlessly, cradling his knees and shoulders in an arms carry. 002 was not pleased with this. "Hey! Put me down ya lummox!" He kicked his one functional leg in protest, but 005 was un-phased. As 004 and 003 smiled at 002's antics, 005 began carrying him back the base from which they had begun.

They walked in silence as 002's protests wound down, only punctuated by a roar of thunder.

003 looked up. "Ze rain is about to start."

About 30 seconds later, she was proven right. The bottom dropped out of the clouds, and 005 froze. He slowly lowered 002 down to his feet but stayed crouching.

"Hey, what's wrong?" 002 didn't move away. 004 and 003 watched in concern.

005 stared at the ground as if in a daze. Something wasn't right. He didn't know what the scientists had done to him, didn't know why explosions and high impact metal hadn't hurt him. All he knew now, was that each drop of water that touched his skin felt like a needle being driven clear to his bones.

He clenched his hands in front of himself as the pain continued, non-ending. He was a tough man - he needed to be, his whole life. He had been through a lot of pain, but this... this wasn't natural...

In spite of himself, he clenched his teeth and brought his hands to his chest, bending further down, attempting to shield as much of himself from the rain as possible.

"Somethings not right," 004 stepped next to 002 and knelt down. "005, what’s wrong?" he reached out to put a hand on 005's shoulder.

The overwhelming feeling of the cold needles was suddenly breached by a blunt burning on his shoulder. 005 jumped back from it with a gruff cry and landed on his rear.

004 looked confused. 002's face was contorted in worry. "What's going on with him?!"

003 stepped over to 005, who had settled into a fetal position on the ground, breathing hard. She reached for him, then thought better of it.

"It must be a reaction of some sort. We've all had them..." she looked back towards the other two who looked down in remembrance of their own experiences. "It must be his skin... ze rain is hurting him!" She looked around for anything to shield him but could find little in the bombed out wasteland.

Suddenly, the metal doors of their still far off metal bunkers opened, and groups of heavily armed and armored soldiers marched out towards them. 003 stood up in front of 005. 004 and 002 limped over and did likewise.

The soldiers quickly ran out to the group and surrounded them. "Time to go back home cyborgs," one said through a helmet.

"We will," replied 003 bravely. "But 005 is hurt. Pleaze be gentle with him!"

"Alright, alright," the lead soldier responded, a bit sarcastically and beckoned for them to walk toward their respective bunkers.

The group looked not like an elite group of humanoid weapons, but like a trio of drowned rats. 004 was in front, a mild swagger to his walking as the dizziness from his concussion had not yet abated. 002 walked slower behind him, a hopping limp attempting to alleviate any additional pain to his busted leg, which began again to crackle with sparks that caused him to pause and grimace with each one. 003 had only a mild headache to bear from the test, and she felt guilty enough about this to walk behind her comrades to ensure they got back to base. The soldiers didn't like the cyborgs to help each other when they were present, so she was doing all she was able.

The solders approached 005, who had his eyes clenched so tightly that he was weeping; it was barely noticeable in the downpour. One man reached down to grab 005 by the arm to haul him away, and 005 roared with pain. The three other cyborgs turned in alarm as 005 reared up and swung a colossal fist into the man's chest, flinging him backward.

A group of them now surged forward to pile on 005, who thrashed with each touch. "NO NO NO!" he yelled as men flew back from him with each tantrum.

003 trotted back to the scene but was too late to prevent the inevitable. A crackle of electricity poured out from a few of the soldiers' handheld weapons, made more dramatic by the unceasing rain. "NO!" she screamed, unable to stop any of it.

005 yelled even louder, falling to the ground hard. He growled with one last effort and all fell silent... except for the sound of raindrops on the earth. 005 had been shocked unconscious, which was painful and the default method for dealing with unruly cyborgs. 003 looked back to see 002 and 004 looking forlornly at the ground.

"Great," one soldier groaned. "Now we have to friggin' carry him back to base."

003 closed her eyes and turned back around to join the others in the march back to base. She looked over her shoulder one more time in sympathy toward 005. She felt very sorry that he had been roped into this predicament with them.

[teklarn]

𝔂𝓸𝓾'𝓻𝓮 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓶𝔂 𝓫𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭 - 𝓴. 𝓫𝓪𝓴𝓾𝓰𝓸𝓾 (𝓹𝓽. 2)

 character(s): katsuki bakugou x gn!reader 

a/n: ok so i just started writing on tumblr and honestly in my opinion for my first time posting smth on this the first part did really well thank u for all the likes :) (told from second pov; e.g you, your) reblogs are greatly appreciated :))

summary: bakugou x gn!reader. they have feelings for one another but have no idea how to express them, however y/n has someone pining for their attention. 

genre: a lil bit angsty 

warnings: cursing, jealousy, mutual pining, slow burn romance, aged-up to third year, love triangle (square?), physical injuries, kirishima gets a little toxic, also shirtless bakugou (awooga), a crap ton of time skips bc i can’t write action scenes for shit, bakugou is a flirt (lowkey but yeah), mentions of blood 

word count: 2112

pt 1 , pt 3

- - - 

kirishima had broken the skin on his lower lip with how hard he was biting it. he stood in the bathroom, rinsing his mouth, ignoring the slight sting the water brought. 

y/n was currently being blasted by bakugou, and they were fighting back. 

jealousy panged in his chest. 

bakugou had never let him know about how he felt about you, however kirishima was sure he felt something for them. you and bakugou were both a jumble of prideful and longing stares towards each other from across every room. the tension was thick enough to slice through. and while kirishima would never make a move in fear of ruining the friendship between him and bakugou, as well as him and y/n, gosh it didn’t stop him from wanting to. 

he’d stood on the side, cheering you on to no end. the sports festival last year, the year before that, training exercises, he was always there. kirishima was always there. 

whenever you needed him, whenever you wanted his company. so what did bakugou have over him? sure, the blond was strong and had bigger goals than kirishima, but why should that matter? 

what did bakugou have? why would you want him more when he was never near you? never made an effort to see you to be there when you asked for help. 

it was popular belief that bakugou was a noisy idiot, but he was actually quite a quiet boy. he didn’t bother to raise his hand in class, however he always knew the answer. he spoke rarely and only made conversation with those he was close with if they were the ones to make the effort to converse with him first. 

jealousy, jealousy, jealousy. kirishima despised it. 

whenever did he begin wanting to beat bakugou at something? 

the cloud of guilt welling up in his chest was going to become unbearable, and soon everything he ever wanted to say was going to come up like word vomit at the worst possible time. 

- 

you swiped at your cheek, brushing off the crumbling dirt. your timing had been off, and their flip backwards had landed you in an awkward position. a vulnerable one. 

honestly, though, it wasn’t like it really mattered. bakugou was a bit transparent himself. he wore a smug look like a golden medal, and held back his power just enough to keep you on your feet. 

his cocky attitude was irritating and it drew you in like a moth drawn to a lamp. 

sweat was beading down your temple. the day was exceptionally hot, the sun beaming down on your back like a proud child. 

you and bakugou had been at it for a while. with anyone else, you would have quit by now. it’s not that you gave up easily. no, not ever. but fights could get boring, especially if you were just smashing away at them with your quirk and they were acting like they could take it. 

perhaps you were being cocky. 

this fight, though. this was interesting. not only because it was bakugou; also because you knew so little about him. 

it was likely he never shared anything important to anyone. he was quite introverted. 

it was interesting for another reason. 

it was hot, bakugou sweats a lot. gosh, he looked delicious without a shirt on. he had a built figure accompanied by strong arms and a broad chest. 

he’d filled out quite nicely the past few years. you hadn’t noticed until now how much he’d grown. 

“don’t get distracted.” 

your eyes snapped up from his chest to his eyes. bakugou became a blur, shooting himself off the ground and flipping once in the air before propelling himself back down. 

before you could do anything, bakugou had you pinned, one leg pinning yours, both his hands wrapped around your wrists. he’d ditched his gauntlets, leaving the metal assistants in the sweltering heat, claiming he wanted to give you an equal fight. 

he panted atop you, hands tightening. 

tokage didn’t bother to leave her dorm today, thank goodness. it had just been the three of you. you, bakugou, and kirishima. 

the red head had suspiciously vanished halfway through the fight, though.

bakugou’s crimson eyes bored into yours. neither of you blinked for a moment. perhaps just a small eternity each of you silently reveled in. 

his erratic breaths slowed, and so did yours, although you stayed the same. unmoving, faces neutral but eyes giving away long-held secrets. 

your ears flushed, and butterflies came rising up uncontrollably. you should have pushed him off. instead you gave him a wicked grin, which earned a look from him and you couldn’t tell if he was confused or annoyed. 

“your big ass forehead is blocking the bright-as-hell sun. stay like this,” you mocked, wrenching your wrists from his grasp and snaking your arms around his neck. 

his cheeks burned red. “w-what?” 

“you heard me.” 

he scoffed, tugging you off his neck and standing. “shut up, shitface. we aren’t even done yet.” he readied himself in a fighting stance once more. 

“i thought you said you wanted to stop when you won?” you brushed yourself off as you stood. 

“i know what i said. you probably weren’t even giving it your all.” 

“’course i was.” you cocked your head. “why wouldn’t i?” 

“you’re strong, damn idiot.” 

you feigned surprise, pressed a hand to your fluttering chest. “the bakugou, dynamight himself, complimenting a humble soul like me? oh, i really must be good, then.” 

“not as good as me.” his face dropped from a smile. bakugou never got enough training no matter how early or late he stayed up, or how many hours on the weekends were spent kicking a bag or sparring with friends. hard workers did all of the work there was a still wondered if they were doing enough. the number one spot wasn’t empty, but it was still reserved for dynamight. 

- 

y/n had collapsed on their bed. kirishima was itching to tell them how he felt, however he was stuck at the doorway. 

they weren’t even dressed for bed, nor were they showered. 

he settled with leaving his friend alone, and shut the door softly to find bakugou standing right behind him. 

kirishima jumped back, closing his eyes in relief. “bakugou. what the heck man?” 

“you’re creepy as shit.” 

“i- what? you were the one staring at me while i-” 

“while you peeped in on y/n?” 

“i wasn’t peeping. i walked them back after the fight and they just collapsed. you were off doing something else and you worked them too hard.” 

it wasn’t a shock that bakugou was still riled up from the duel. this boy had the energy of a mad man. 

when bakugou didn’t say anything, kirishima said once again, “you overworked them.” 

bakugou swat away the comment. “only because they’re not working hard enough.” 

kirishima raised an eyebrow. “they work hard. they’re perfectly fine.” 

“fine?” 

“they’re amazing.”

“i know that, shitty hair. you think i’m blind?” 

“everyone can make improvements at their own pace.” kirishima’s voice dropped. 

“you train with me.” 

“it’s an hour before curfew.” 

bakugou jut a thumb in the direction of the door. “so? maybe you need some more practice, too,” he joked. 

“you’re an ass, bakugou,” kirishima released a breathy chuckle. 

the two wandered off to one of the training grounds. it was open, a wide court where they’d both kicked someone else’s ass. 

the sun was just setting, a new cool breeze coming to fill the spot of the violent sun rays. 

it was routine to fight each other out of nowhere. kirishima was usually quite playful, spewing jokes once in a while and taunting his friend. 

this fight was different. his face was stone-cold. kirishima often took the defensive role, as his quirk didn’t allow him to project any direct attacks to bakugou.

it wasn’t like kirishima was angry at bakugou, but as soon as they started charging towards one another, he couldn’t hold back. his chest tightened, arms hardening and joints becoming strong and stiff. 

with one clean sweep of his arm, bakugou was backing away from kirishima, propelling himself to the edge of the arena with a small blast. he’d always been up for a challenge. kirishima was willing to give him one. 

his sudden competitive demeanor seemed to be egging on bakugou’s. the blond tongued the inside of his cheek, grunting as he shot forth, hair flying wildly. 

swiftly, kirishima dodged, just barely missing a blast. his torso wasn’t hardened, so if he’d dodged any later, his stomach would have been scorched. 

bakugou always took their fights seriously. he knew better than to underestimate the boy who had put together his very own rescue mission. 

kirishima’s opponent stumbled from the momentum. he took his chance and brought a hardened elbow down on bakugou’s back, hearing a satisfying crack. 

bakugou was crushed to the ground with the hit. his face smashed into the sandy ground. he coughed, turning over and spitting dirt to the side. 

it took a moment for him to register what he did, but kirishima was at bakugou’s side within seconds. the sun was nearly gone, a pale blue sky flickering with the first sights of stars. 

it was hard to make it out at first, but not impossible. kirishima saw the blood dripping and smeared just above bakugou’s lip. he groaned, cupping his face in both hands as he sat upright. 

“argh” bakugou gasped. “shit, kirishima. what the hell?” 

“i...i’m sorry dude, i didn’t mean to.” i wanted to, but i didn’t mean to. 

bakugou raised an eyebrow and let a smile seep through his pain. “you’re improving, though.” 

“are you alright?” kirishima traced the small cut on his lip from earlier with the tip of his tongue. 

“i’m fine, i’m fine.” bakugou swatted his hand away. he struggled to get up, refusing kirishima’s help. 

“we should head back before this gets any worse.” 

bakugou kept his large hands hovering under his chin to catch the dripping and occasional chunks of blood.  

although he wanted the duel to continue (it was finally interesting) bakugou wasn’t stubborn enough to keep going. so he nodded, once again denying kirishima’s efforts to help him out. 

- 

you were in the common area, fiddling with a rubik’s cube. it was just you, as everyone else was spending the night among each other. ashido had invited you to her dorm a while ago, but you’d denied, wanting to spend a few more giddy moments to yourself. 

the door rattled, and in came your two friends, one with furrowed brows and the other with blood drenching the front of his shirt. 

bakugou’s head was tilted up in an attempt to stop the blood from flowing down. his adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed the blood trailing down the back of his throat. 

“oh my gosh,” you gasped out, racing to the bathroom. you came back with sanitary wipes in one hand and tissue in the other. “what happened?” 

“we were training,” kirishima started, taking a few tissues from the box and handing them to his friend, “and i accidentally hit him too hard.” 

“you didn’t hit me that hard. you barely did any damage!” bakugou objected. you approached him, and through his fingers, bakugou peered down at you. 

you asked him with your eyes, and he gave you silent permission to pry his arms away from his face. “are you okay?” 

“i’m just dandy,” he scoffed. 

“dude, i’m really sorry—” 

“shut the hell up kirishima. i don’t want your pity. i swear this is the only time i’ll surrender to you, you asswipe.”

you didn’t laugh, not even a chuckle. “bakugou, you need to see recovery girl.” 

“what the hell? no way. all she’s gonna do is give me one of those shitty slobbery kisses and scold me for being careless.” 

“your nose is broken,” you said gently. 

“so? can’t you fix it?” 

you raised a questioning brow. “you want me to help you?” 

“can you or can you not?” 

“i can try to set it but you’re better off going to recovery girl instead of settling with―” 

“all i need is possible. i don’t want to deal with that old lady’s shit right now.” using the tissues kirishima had stuffed into his hand, he caught the remaining blood dripping down his nose. “let’s go.” 

you were more than unsure. he would end up with a crooked nose if you made any small mistake, but he didn’t think twice as he grabbed your shoulder and led you in the direction of your dorm. 

- 

kirishima wished he hadn’t broken bakugou’s nose. not because he felt bad, though. 

[mercurytrinemoon]

Me debunking astrology generalizations and misconceptions or smth idk...

Squares and oppositions aren't pure evil. 

I can't believe I have to say this because I thought ya'll have learnt the characteristics of every aspect but here we are. Nothing in astrology is black and white. And I saw some ridiculous statements (not necessary here on tumblr) that said things like "if your Venus squares someone's ascendant then you don't find that person attractive AT ALL". Or "Mars square Mercury people can't speak politely and have an annoying voice". Like????? First of all, that's ridiculous. Second of all, square in not "everything bad" just like trine is not "everything amazing". Squares bring tension, which leads to motivation, they’re stimulating; sometimes excitement or charisma; sometimes they can make you overdo things. I'm not saying they're oh-so-marvelous because the challenges are still there, but they're not as bad as people paint them to be. Squares happen between two signs that are in the same modality so they have a bunch of things in common. Besides, some of them (Sagi-Pisces and Gemini-Virgo) are ruled by the same planet so there's a special type of chemistry between those (especially when applied to synastry). Oppositions work in two ways, planets either meet in the middle - opposite signs usually complete each other and fuel each other up. And worse case scenario? Natally this means being pulled in two different directions; synastry-wise, you can completely miss each other like two passing cars - so there may be some misunderstandings but I don't think that's the end of the world... And, as per usual, may be mitigated by other positive aspects.

This is me debunking other people's attempts at debunking Sun sign compatibility. 

Sun IS very important but when people ask about compatibility and go with Suns... and then someone tries to be a smartass and debunk the "compatible-incompatible" and does the same thing without even realizing it. Like, "oh I actually see a lot of Aries and Pisces having amazing relationships because *insert someting that is a total stretch and refers to their Sun sign traits*"... But you seem to forget that they're neighbouring signs... which means they probably have personal planets in those neighbouring signs... which means they're compatible not because of some made-up stuff that you're trying to come up with but because their other planets are compatible with each other. But you're still feeding into the Sun sign compatibility talk. (So like, what I'm trying to also say, yes, the entire synastry chart comes into play; Also, side note, everyone can get along on some level if they’re mature enough).

Planet in a sign is NOT the same as planet in the house. 

There may be some overlaps in some of the sign-houses associations (like in the overall energy; like for example, it sort of makes sense that 3rd, 7th and 11th are referred to as “air houses” because they’re the most social) but in NO WAY there are similarities between planet house position and the "ruling" sign. That association started a few decades ago and some would say that NOT linking houses with signs is a purely traditional approach. But there’s plenty of professional modern astrologers with 20/30/40-year experience who still differentiate between sign/house position... because they know (and have learnt along the way) that there’s a huge difference.

I'll give you 3 quick examples: Gemini planets and 3rd house planets both may put emphasis on communication, mental stimulation and gathering data. But Geminis are often scattered in their approach, they may be easily distracted, may be indecisive, may be jack of all trades and talkative jokesters. They actually hate routines and dullness. "Spice it up" is probably a Gemini's philosophy. Now 3rd house planets may indicate you actually LIKE doing things on the regular - like running errands every other day in the mornings or going to that one specific coffee shop to pick up a snack. You may actually work in logistics or as a postman (especially if your chart ruler or MC ruler is in the 3rd). Planets in the 3rd talk about your siblings, neighbours or school experiences - like having Venus in the 3rd may point to positive experiences within those areas - something Gemini Venus has nothing in common.

Venus in the 9th can study at an art/beauty or fashion school (or even teach there if the MC is involved); can be very attached to spiritual and religious matters; can also find love in a foreign land. But imagine it being in Taurus - rather shy, needing those stable values to feel secure, being an exceptionally great student at that art school thanks to its domicile. Venus in Sagittarius on the other hand, likes adventure, things being shaken up from time to time, lightheartedness and exploration. But what if we flip the scenario and that Sag Venus is in the 2nd house. This can denote earing money through travelling and looking for ways to expand but in a financial matters.

Continuing with the Venus examples, having Venus in Aries is completely different than Venus in the 1st. What do people usually say about Venus in the 1st? That it makes the native charming, lovely, well-put together, with great manners, maybe beautiful, graceful, maybe a bit shallow. When in Aries? None of these characteristics fit, on top of that, it's in its detriment. Our poor gal Venus is uncomfortable and confused in Aries. She's like, "conquer? Swords? Selfishness? Obnoxiousness? Sparring? You're telling me to fight people? What am I doing here???" 

And I'll leave you here with that cause those examples weren’t that quick lol and in fact, I could give you a 100 of those. Besides, this actually inspired a 3-page rant that I've already posted not so long ago that you can read HERE.

There's no such thing as "more accurate" astrology. 

Both western and vedic are valid. Both can show you the same things. JUST KEEP THEM SEPARATE AND DON'T MIX THEM WITH EACH OTHER. And don't say things like "sidereal shows your soul" - omg I saw this statement soooo many times, who the hell even came up with this?! Actually, if anything, it's the modern western approach that "psychologized" (yea I just made up a word, you mad?) astrology while Jyotish still sticks to the very real "here and now", sometimes fatalistic predictions of how exactly your life is going to roll out... But hey, reach for hellenistic methods and they can tell you the same things, just with different tools. So no, they do not show different things, it's just their language is different.

If you say you don't identify with your chart then you're just reading it wrong.

This partially connects to the last one in some ways... Switching to a different astrology or different charts is not a solution. Learn how to read your natal. If you say it doesn’t describe you, I can guarantee you that you haven’t studied it properly. (Now this hasn't turned into a rant yet but I may actually do a whole-ass post on this because if I start elaborating on it now I'll end up with another 3-page essay).

Learn how and when to generalize. Also learn how to take generalizations. 

I understand that you have to pick up on every single thing separately in order to put everything together. It's like learning a new language: first you need to learn individual words and then you need to know the proper grammar to create a full sentence. This is 100% understandable and necessary, but it's important to take the entire thing into consideration. And this goes for all branches of astrology, but I guess it's especially annoying with synastry. This, again, comes down to the very black and white approach. You know, like when you see those long paragraphs where people elaborate on all the intricacies of Venus-Pluto aspects or whatever as if that one thing was determining the entire relationship between two people. (Side note, no shade but some of ya'll should start writing fiction or poetry cause the amount of fluffy speech and waffle that I see floating around here on tumblr is insane sometimes). Why are you wording everything as a make it or break it type of situation? And on the receiving end - learn how to take *properly phrased* generalizations constructively. Example: it IS a rule that Aries is a competitive one, maybe you're not one of them (for many reasons) but don't make a fuss about someone saying this. It IS a basic rule that energies of the same sign in two people are going to get along (well that depends on the planets involved but I digress), if that, for some other reasons, doesn't apply to you, don't go yelling that it's bullcrap because you hate people of the same sign. You know? Like, learn the difference.

DON'T SCARE PEOPLE WITH ASTROLOGY.

I had a mini-rant on this one a while ago, but I think this deserves a constant reminder (and refers to the last point), I don't want to see any more posts that would say things like "xxx house placements will bring you suffering" or "stay away from people with planets in your xxx house" or, even worse, making a (completely untrue btw) prediction based on one single thing like "someone with so-and-so aspect is going to harm you". And you're so casual about it??? You know there are sensitive people in the world. Learn some ethics. Learn some counseling skills. Don't be ignorant. Don't throw these random stuff at people just like that. And learn some actual astrology cause most of these aren't even closely describing that particual aspect. LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

Ok now I'm pissed again.

Studying astrology and believing in free will doesn’t go well together.

It's not just psychological and spiritual. It's useful to know that western astrology made it like that because there were still people threatening astrologers for using it as a divination tool. So they moved away from the predictive/deterministic aspect of it. Now, I'm not here to change anyone's beliefs cause that's a very personal thing that everyone should develop on their own. But once you start diving deeper into astrology you'd notice that there's a heavy emphasis on fatedness and things being predetermined. That includes both the good and the bad stuff and you should learn to accept that. And with the bad things specifically, let's not excuse it with some "oh that was an opportunity for growth". Like yea, maybe, occasionally??? But just acknowledge that sometimes things happen not because there was a deeper meaning in them... but because you have a Pluto-Mars conjunction in the 6th that makes an applying square to your chart ruler and you were going through a profection year where Mars was your time lord and it transited that chart ruler while making a conjunction with Neptune so you were attacked by a baby crocodile while swimming and it bit off your toe and you got a nasty infection and that’s it (I just made that up btw, I don't actually know anyone who was attacted by a crocodile). So like, sometimes shit just happens and there's nothing psychological about it. Also, I bet your free will didn't want to be attacked by that croc.

[themultiimagines]

Could you do 47 and 54 with Valkyrie 👉👈 I can’t remember if you write for her or not but if you don’t I’m always down for Carol as well fjskkdwkdkje -✈️

(I feel lowkey bad requesting smth from the smut prompt list bc I sent in that Wanda one a few days ago but I simply adore your writing)

OFC!! Anything for my fave anon!! (this will be short tho)

47:  “You deserve a reward for being so good today, what would you like it to be?”

54:  “These walls are pretty thick, which means you and I can be as loud as we want.”

Warnings: smut lol

There were a lot of perks of being the girlfriend to the Queen of Asgard. You wouldn’t even know where to begin with how many perks there were. One of your favorites was watching Brunnhilde be a good and kind queen to her people. You know it was hard for her to transition into being a queen after Thor left. Her traumatic past often coming to haunt her, you were her light in the dark tunnel and helped her take on the harder tasks of ruling Asgard. You loved watching the woman you love grow as a person and a queen, it always gave you butterflies. 

Your second favorite, first being able to just date her and be in love with her, was being railed by her. That woman can get it. You never realized what you were missing until Brunnhilde first made love to you. It was passionate, slow, and almost made you cry. But after a couple of times she started getting rougher, you definitely weren’t complaining either. So when one night, after a huge festival that seemed like it went on for hours--probably because she had been teasing you all night--she leans into your ear and whispers,

“Shall we take our business elsewhere?”

You couldn’t help but grin, shivering slightly at how hot her breath was next to your ear. You nod, seeing her lips turn into a devilish smirk in the low light of the fire. She interlaces her hand with yours and pulls you away from the crowds, back to her house in the village. Both of you giggle as you do a mix of kissing each other and running to her house. Once you got in the house you were pressed up against the door, lips on your neck, hands on your hips, and a knee trying to separate your thighs. You moan, desperate to cling to her as she marks your skin.

“You were amazing at the festival tonight,” she mumbles, still soothing the bruises she put moments ago on your neck. Your brain is too muddled for an actual response so you just mewl and hope she’ll understand. She does.

“You deserve a reward for being so good today, what would you like it to be?” An electric bolt goes through your body and straight to your core and all you can think about is one thing.

“The strap-on,” you say hoarsely. You bite the inside of your cheek at what your about to say next. “My Queen.”

You didn’t know how you were on the bed but moments later your being pushed into the soft pillows, Brunnhilde straddling you with determination and lust shining in her eyes. She starts by taking off your shirt quickly, button by button but with immense speed. She kisses a trail from your lips to your collarbone to your sternum and down your stomach, stopping at the top of your pants. She growls lowly, almost like she was angry your pants stopped her from what she truly wanted. 

Unbuttoning your jeans, she strips them off, humming approvingly. You finally look at her, eyes lidded but you had a grin. 

“Like what you see?” She didn’t even notice you looking at her looking at you because she quickly tilts her head up, grinning as well. 

“Of course I like what I see. You’re not questioning the taste of the Queen are you?” You laugh, making Brunnhilde’s smile brighter. 

“I would never. Though, I am questioning why you are still in clothes,” you reply, making the queen look down. With her grin turning into a smirk, she slowly slides off the bed, taking off her clothes one by one. This time, very tediously whilst holding eye contact. She manages to take it all off, finally breaking contact when she reaches for the harness. You instinctively clenched your thighs together at the gorgeous sight. 

She also takes this moment to turn off the lights and light a few candles. With your breathing getting heavier at the heavenly appearance of Valkyrie, she climbs on top of you, the tip of the strap touching your entrance and rubbing against your clit slightly. You gasp, seeing your lover hovering above you like this made you impossibly wet. 

“These walls are pretty thick, which means you and I can be as loud as we want.” She smirks, slowly lining up the cock with your entrance and pushing her hips forward ever so slightly. You moan loudly, letting everything come out as you feel the hot, searing pain of being stretched out. Your nails dig into her back as you held on for dear life, but also encouraging her. Soon enough, the whole toy is in and your both panting, getting used to the feeling once again. 

She pushes a strand of hair out of your face before she completely pulls out. Before you could complain her hips snap back, pushing the whole thing back in with ease. You throw your head back, allowing access to Brunnhilde as she greedily kissed and sucked at your neck and collarbones as she fucked you hard. She set a pretty brutal pace, the sounds of slapping and grunts filling the room, only to be outweighed by your whimpering and moaning. 

“How does this feel, my love?” She whispers, not slowing her hips at all. 

“It--oh my fuck--yes! Fuck you feel so good,” you babble, unable to form any coherent thoughts. You feel her hand trace down all the way to your clit, her finger moving in a circle, pushing you further to the edge. 

“Harder!” You scream, both of you knowing you’re close.

“Yes, come for me. Come for your Queen,” she growls, grabbing your hips and pounding into you. It was like a semi truck hit you over the edge, a white hot flash of light running through you as you came around her cock. You swear you blacked for a second, because all you remember is her fucking you and then her laying next to you. 

“D-did you come?” You mumble quietly. 

“Hmm? Oh yeah, baby after how you came, I wasn’t far behind you,” she chuckles, making you smile and feel warm inside. 

Yeah this was definitely a perk. 

[rouiettes]

raya and the ugliest fucking dragon i've ever seen holy fuck who the hell thought to give a dragon fuckiNG EYEBROWS WHY WHY—

aka the musings of a filo non-binary bisexual who feels victimized by the dragon designs of this fucking movie supposedly centred around THE LAST DRAGON???? MAYBE THEY SHOULD HAVE STAYED STONE GDI WHAT THE FUCK SERIOUSLY WHY DO THE DRAGONS LOOK LIKE THAT

let's get one thing straight.

none of the characters in this movie. rest assured. not a single straight person was in this movie. trust me.

raya and the last dragon had all the foundations of a good movie

IT COULD HAVE BEEN SO GREAT

BUT IT WASNT

AND HERE'S WHY

(in my humble opinion okay pls dont come for me)

a disney movie with sea culture at its heart and soul, i was so hyped to finally watch this movie

(not as hyped as i could have been tho bc let's be honest DISNEY DID SHIT WITH RAYA'S MARKETING)

(AND PERHAPS FOR GOOD REASON LOL I SWEAR I DONT HATE THIS MOVIE OKAY)

you had the amazing score, the amazing concepts for plot and characters, the solid solid worldbuilding???

if you just told me about how raya's setting and premise, i'd probably be "wow this movie sound like the whole package"

and then i'll actually watch the movie and have just as much trust issue as raya did :/

but i digress

A DISNEY MOVIE WITH SEA CULTURE AT ITS HEART AND SOUL

do you know how diverse sea culture is??? VERY

and one thing i was very happy to see was how raya handled it

it was by no means perfect but

the subtle shows of culture in the way the characters acted, and the environment of the movie was just CHEF'S KISS

not only that but the ideas the movie had in terms of its world and the people in it felt genuine, it felt alive

a dragon that isn't the typical fire-breathing lizard

characters who look like they could easily be my neighbours or children i've played with

instead of pandering to this movie felt like an actual homage to sea cultures

and for good reason bc seeing all those familiar names rolling in the credits had me feeling some type of way :")

also that fucking soundtrack gave me chills throughout my watch of the movie

okay now that we've got the things i actually like about the movie, let's talk about what i don't like

if there's one word i could use to describe disney's raya it would be: rushed

like i said in the beginning, all the groundwork for an astounding disney movie were already there

but all of it just goes to waste bc the plot and it's characters feel so Unfinished

the movie felt like a bullet-point presentation of the story

WHICH IS SO FUCKING DISAPPOINTING BC THE CHARACTERS SEEMED SO INTERESTING but all we got were shadows of what they could have been

cardboard cutouts of the archetypes they filled

i'm not asking for a bottomless well of depth, but i at least wanted more for the cast than just: angry misunderstood princess, angry misunderstood princess with an undercut, that one dancing kid from moana but with more spice, boss baby, and the mountain

and i get that they had to sacrifice some of their depth to keep the run time of the movie short but you have got to be better than this disney

i hate to compare but it felt like this movie tried to go beyond what moana gave us, and shot so far that it ended up back to where it started, and then stumbled back a few steps

AND IM NOT EVEN SAYING A DRAGON MOVIE WITH A BIG CAST IS IMPOSSIBLE

BC IT'S ALREADY BEEN DONE

HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON DID IT THREE TIMES

and you'd think the plot for one of the few disney movies with a non-western setting would have more than just a macguffin considering how batshit sea folk tales can be

but you'd think wrong folks.

GENUINELY IT FELT LIKE THEY WERE ATTEMPTING SOMETHING BUT WERE SHORT OF BRINGING IT TO FRUITION

sure moana had a macguffin too with the heart of te fiti, but the heart itself wasn't the heart of the movie

it was the journey of moana and maui

it was that BEAUTIFUL TWIST WITH TE KA AND TE FITI

ALL DELIVERED WITH A NATURAL FINESSE THAT HAD YOU ON THE EDGE OF YOUR SEAT

YOU WERE ALONG FOR THE RIDE OF THE STORY INSTEAD OF QUESTIONING EVERYTHING THAT WAS GOING ON LIKE I WAS

maybe this was just me but like, i felt so bad for the friend who watched this movie with me bc all i could go on and on was how the plot felt like it was getting in the way of itself

why didn't the different kingdoms (??) kept the gem in rotation or smth, when did they decide that heart would keep it and then get mad at heart for keeping it????

why didn't awkwafina dragon just show herself to the kingdoms bc everyone seems to be in agreement that dragons good right? that they would be the key to getting rid of the druun right??? SO THEY'D ALL AT LEAST HEAR HER OUT OR SMTH RIGHT????????

and yes raya has trust issues but it seems to only spring up at the most convenient times plot-wise, we didn't really see her learn to trust other people again OTHER THAN THE TIMES WHERE SISU WOULD HAMFISTEDLY SHOVE IT DOWN OUR THROATS THAT SOME PEOPLE ARE GOOD SOMETIMES RAYA

we see it with boun, but then she just trusts noi, her monkeys, and tong THE GUY WHO STRUNG THEM UP AND WAS THREATENING TO TORTURE THEM????????

i'm gonna be honest and say that if it weren't for namaari i'd have absconded the moment sisu came on screen

as far as i'm considered the actual plot of the movie is just the entire sword fight scene between her and raya

and finally

we get to the part i will be erasing from my brain for my own mental well-being

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT DRAGON DESIGN

WHY OH WHY TH  E FUCK DOES SISU SOUND AND LOOK LIKE THAT

my friend said they looked like the ponies from mlp in 3d AND NOW I CAN NEVER UNSEE IT

THEY HAVE EYEBROWS THEY HAVE HUMAN FACES

HUMAN FACES ON MAJESTIC DRAGON BODIES

THE INTERNET HAS COLLECTIVELY DECIDED THAT SISU IS BASICALLY FURRY ELSA

every time we got a sisu close up i lost 5 years to my life

disney i am suing for damages

if you want me to drop the charges i demand raya 2: electric boogaloo but it’s just raya and namaari enemies to friends to lovers ark

and also for them to never say dragon nerds ever again

AGAIN. HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON GAVE US BEAUTIFUL DRAGON DESIGNS. HELL IF YOU WANTED MORE EASTERN LOOKING DRAGONS FUCKING SPIRITED AWAY??? HAKU??????????

AND YKNOW WHAT. SISU WOULDN'T EVEN LOOK THAT HORRIFIC IF THE MOVIE WAS IN 2D

im not the first person to be side-eying disney's decision to keep pumping out these 3d movies but like.

no amount of added dimensions could ever make that dragon design okay

and there so many more points i could go off on to show how this movie was rushed

how the other dragons, and even sisu's siblings whom she had been missing for the entire movie DIDNT MAKE A SINGLE SOUND???? NOT EVEN A FUCKING GROWL DISNEY???? DID YOU EVEN TRY WITH THE DRAGONS AT ALL??? THE SUPPOSED CENTRE OF THIS MOVIE'S PLOT?????????

HOW THE CHIEFS OF THE OTHER KINGDOMS WERE BASICALLY PLOT DEVICES????

THAT ONE CHIEF'S SKELETON WAS MORE INTERESTING THAN ANY OF THEM COMBINED ALIVE

kudos to that one granny chief though

u can never have enough bad ass old ladies

AND GOD THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS JUST FELT SO FORCED

ALONG WITH WHATEVER LESSON SISU WANTED TO IMPART ABOUT TRUST

LOVE THESE CHARACTERS THEY ARE FUNNY THEY ARE FRIENDS FOUND FAMILY

TRUST PEOPLE IF U WANT THEM TO TRUST U

TRUST PEOPLE OR ILL LITERALLY FUCKING KILL U

children aren't stupid disney. if you tell your story well enough, they'll pick up on the messages you want to give them. YOU DONT HAVE TO THRUST EVERYTHING IN OUR FACES

i was exhausted by the time i finished this movie

bc i really wanted to love it. i wanted to feel more for it than just: well, it's a movie :)

i dont hate this movie though like it's not even worth the energy for that

i think that ultimately, despite all my issues with it, this movie was a step in the right direction when it comes to having non-western stories being told by non-western people in big name productions

i'm glad raya and the last dragon exists

i just can't help but be dissapointed though bc this movie put so much effort into putting my people and culture at its forefront but at what cost???

good characters and story for a good setting and design????

does it have to be one or the other?????

DOES THE DRAGON HAVE TO HAVE EYEBROWS??????

[nose-bandaid]

love, at its core

hi!! i hope you're havin a good day rn 😊😊 i just saw requests are open??? i was gonna ask if i could request something with yuto?? like his s/o is chillin with him at home and then they just get hit with the realization "omg my boyfriend is just sitting there and i can kiss him any time i want??? all i have to do is ask??? is it really that simple???? what a concept..." i know its very specific but its just smth ive been thinkin about these days?? like people datin can just kiss each other any time???? its just so simple yet so special at the same time??

Yuto x (gender neutral) Reader fluff | 2k words

synopsis: waking up one day, you were hit with a curious thought that made you realize how lucky you were to have a boyfriend

a/n: here you go anon !! i hope that this is what you wanted and that i didn't get carried away with the idea 😅 enjoy<3

ngl this ended up a little similar to -27°C but i love domestic relationships so it's cool

There was something peculiar about living with your boyfriend.

Nothing had changed since yesterday, or last month, or even the year before. You've been living together for a while now and today shouldn't have been any different. It shouldn't.

However, an intriguing thought in your mind constantly nudged you to love him even more today.

When you woke up, the first thing you did was roll over onto your side to study Yuto's face. Even asleep, he was incredibly pretty and you reached a hand to brush the strands of hair that had fallen over his face. He's been growing it for quite a while now, and oftentimes he would tie it all back in a small ponytail that you thought was endearing. But you thought he looked especially fluffy when he let his hair down. The sight of it that morning, however, tickled your own face and you tucked it behind his ear with a small smile.

"Better?" You whispered, not really expecting a reply because you believed he was still asleep. But he did, in fact, whisper a quiet "better" and you locked eyes with him in surprise.

"G'morning." He croaked out, trying to rub the sleep out of his face.

"Good morning Yuto," You replied, laughing when he leaned into your touch and tried to snuggle back to bed. "It's time to wake up, sleepyhead."

He wrapped an arm around you to pull you closer, burying his face into your neck to plant a kiss there. "But there's nothing planned for today." He whined, and it came out more of a question than it did as a complaint.

You wriggled your way out of the hug and poked his cheek. "You promised you'll make breakfast today though!"

That caused him to stir.

Yuto hefted himself into a sitting position with a huff and sent you a lazy grin. "I guess you're right; I can't back out of that."

Leaning in to plant one last kiss on your forehead, he patted your shoulder before standing up. "Just stay in bed for a while longer, love. I'll let you know when breakfast is ready."

You watched him quietly as he changed out of his pyjamas and exited the bedroom, leaving the door slightly ajar so that you didn't feel completely alone. Placing a hand on your cheek, you wondered why today, of all days, your heart suddenly decided to skip a beat with every word he said. With every move he made.

It was probably then, that something within you clicked and made you realize that wow, you have a boyfriend.

And you have the privilege of waking up next to him every morning and seeing him smile.

=====

You got out of bed not long after Yuto left the room. The sound of the dishes and sizzling on the stove only made you want to wake up and join him in the kitchen.

When you arrived, Yuto greeted you with a nod towards the coffee brewer, already boiled and ready to serve. On your way to grab a mug, you glanced over his shoulder to see what he was making and sent him an approving smirk.

"Looking good, Yu."

He laughed as you poured yourself a cup of the drink and returned to the table. "Are you talking about me or the food?"

You shrugged. "That's up to you. It could be both, you know."

"Well, you came just in time to eat my beautiful breakfast." He replied and transferred the food onto the plates neatly laid out on the table. His spare hand reached into the drawer behind him to grab the utensils and he handed it over to you. "Time to dig in?"

You puckered your lips slightly as you accepted the food. "Give me a kiss first?"

If the sudden request for affection surprised Yuto, he didn't show it. Instead, he promptly grabbed you by the waist and pulled you in for a quick kiss on the lips. He tasted like the chapstick he always kept with him — a mix of vanilla and strawberries.

"Another, please." You asked when you separated, eliciting another one of his lighthearted laughs.

"Anything for you, love."

The kiss was deeper this time, and you blindly dropped the fork and spoon somewhere on the empty space of the table in order to wrap your arms around his neck. Beyond the sweetness of his lips, you could taste the lingering mix of morning breath and bitter coffee.

"Yuto," You muttered, breaking the kiss. "Have you brushed your teeth yet?"

"That's..." He averted his gaze. "I'll do it later, I promise. Let's just eat breakfast before it gets cold?"

"Okay, okay, you win." You decided, backing off to pull yourself a chair. "Let's test out your chef skills."

The breakfast was delicious and he beamed when you praised his cooking skills. You found yourself settled right beside Yuto, as opposed to your usual seat directly in front of him. With an arm linked into his (which admittedly made eating a little more difficult for both of you), you stayed close to the warmth of his body. Placed in front of you, carefully balanced against the box of tissues was your phone playing a video that you've been wanting to show him for a long time now.

Already knowing what's going to come next, you spent most of the time watching Yuto's face, catching every reaction and comment he made about the video.

It was the mundane things like these that made you appreciate him — or even the concept of dating — even more. Sure, going out on exciting dates, sharing thrilling memories. But being able to see him do the most normal activities while having him by your side? You believed that was the peak of a relationship.

"You have something on your face." Yuto's voice pulled you out of your thoughts and you looked at him in confusion. Before you could register his words, a thumb was already wiping your cheek, clearing you of your mess. "There."

"I love you, you know that?" You blurted out the moment you got over the initial shock.

"And I love you more, you know that?" He cocked his head, mimicking your voice.

You buried your face into your hands, unable to handle his cuteness. "Gosh, you're going to be the death of me."

"I'll make sure to take credit at your funeral, then."

=====

You spent the rest of the day trailing Yuto more than you intended to. But you couldn't help it when everything he did made your heart flutter. It felt like the beginning of your relationship all over again. You were amazed when you realized that you could simply ask him for affection and you would just... receive it?

There really was someone in this world who loved you just as much as you loved them. If you asked for a kiss, Yuto would willingly kiss you — this morning was proof of that. And you knew for a fact, that if you hugged him, he would always hug you back. There was hardly a time where he didn't return the "I love you" when you said it to him. And he never forgets to show you just how much you meant to him.

They were all simple things. Things that you'd normally overlook because they were so normal. But at the same time, they were the things you treasured the most.

This concept of dating... was quite a unique one.

"Yuto~" You called out to the boy who, oddly enough, was just standing in the middle of the room, staring out the window. "Can I have a kiss?"

As much as dating piqued your curiosity, you weren't going to complain about how simple it was at its core.

Without asking any questions, Yuto pecked you softly on the cheek, lingering there for an extra moment. You could feel his lips curl up into a smile before he pulled away.

He turned back to the window and squinted his eyes when the sun shone brightly on his face. "The weather's nice today, kinda makes me want to go on a walk."

"I'll come with you!" You offered readily and he perked up at the idea.

"Is that so? Then I guess that's a good incentive to go on a walk." He hummed.

"Of course I'd come with you!" You argued, following him to the front door and slipping a light coat on. "But on one condition."

"And what's that?"

"Let me hold your hand?"

After his shoes were put on, he quietly held out his hand for you to take, and that was enough of an answer.

======

Later in the evening, the two of you were relaxing on the couch watching a rerun of an old show you've watched far too many times now. But with the comfort of the plot and the way it never failed to make you laugh, neither of you minded.

Yuto let you hug his arm as you played with one of his hands. Like this morning, you found yourself spending more time thinking about him, and the show soon became background noise. You inspected every inch of his hand, placing soft kisses on it once in a while. You thought it was incredible, how every single part of him — both inside and out — could be so beautiful.

"What's up with you today?" He asked playfully when you finally distracted him enough to tear his eyes away from the screen. In the back of your mind, you noticed you were both missing out on one of your favourite scenes. "You've been clingier than usual since morning, did I miss something?"

When you didn't answer right away, Yuto's eyes widened as he suddenly sat straight up. "Wait, I didn't miss something, right?"

You laughed at his reaction and pat his shoulder reassuringly. "There's nothing special happening today, Yu, don't worry. I was just thinking..."

"About?" He relaxed back into the couch and let you pull him into your embrace.

You pondered over how to answer him for a couple of seconds. "About how lucky I am to have you."

"That's it?" He asked, baffled at the simplicity.

"Well, in short, yeah." You hesitantly answered and met his gaze when you felt it burning into you. The look in his eyes was a familiar one; a mix of curiosity and determination as he encouraged you to continue.

"It's normal for me to wake up next to you, and see you go to work, and watch stupid shows together and eat meals together and kiss each other goodnight. I don't normally think twice about all of that. But this morning, I realized that being able to do those things with you is so special and I'm so lucky to have you as my boyfriend."

"You know," He started thoughtfully and laced the hand you were holding into yours, tracing light patterns with his thumb. "I've never thought about it that way until you mentioned it."

"It puts things in a different perspective, doesn't it?"

Yuto's eyes wandered as he spoke. "It does, and it's a nice reminder to appreciate everything that we have right now."

"Exactly!" You agreed, happy that he understood what you were getting at.

"Is this why you've been exploiting my kisses today then?"

You froze. "Uh, maybe?"

"And to think that I was worried about missing something important." He let out a dramatic sigh.

"Listen, this was important okay!"

"I know, I know." He moved your clasped hands onto his lap, pulling you closer to him. "I'm glad you brought it up, it's a nice thing to think about."

The two of you settled into a comfortable silence to focus on the last few minutes of the show, everything long forgotten until the credits rolled across the screen. Yuto shut off the TV once they did, tired of the mindless entertainment and stretched as you spoke up again.

"So... I can still have another kiss though, right?"

He smiled. "Yes, of course, you can."

[aprilsrant]

Cariad | Young!Remus Lupin x Slytherin!Fem!Reader.

SUMMARY: (Y/N) absolutely hates when professors make their students work in pairs, but the outcome of this particular project may not be so bad.

WORD COUNT: 2,971, more or less.

REQUEST: can i request another half-blood slytherin reader x remus where she tries to learn welsh for him and i hope you can include smth with the lovespoon! 

This was requested by @cantstopmebitch Thank you so much for requesting something, I hope you enjoy it!

WARNINGS: a kiss? And nothing else I think.

A/N: Please remember English is not my first language, so if there are any mistakes, let me know! In this fic, I’ve used some Welsh words, which I didn’t know a single thing about so I did some research but it may be wrong, so sorry if these are not correct! 

Masterlist.

You can always reblog to help me or request something you’ll like. 

TRANSLATIONS: the title, cariad, means “love, affection, lover, darling”; the phrase fy annwyl un means “my dear one”; and the last one, fy nghariad aur  means “my golden darling”.

Advanced Arithmancy Studies, or simply Arithmancy, was not the most interesting subject Hogwarts offered as an elective course for sixth and seventh years, hence why there weren’t many people taking it, but (Y/N) seemed to be a natural — according to the professor’s opinion — and she loved being good at things without trying too much or else she would lose any interest immediately.  

Sitting down on one of the desks at the back of the classroom, she left her brown leather satchel on the cobblestone floor. (Y/N) watched as the students took their usual seats and started to chat with their partner, but all conversations were shut down by the loud voice of the professor, an old and strict woman who didn’t seem to have control of her voice’s volume as she was always screaming and someone who didn’t have any consideration with those who forgot to do her assignments. 

The minute the woman’s body was an inch inside the classroom, she began to give directions about a project expected for next week and how they would have to work in pairs, (Y/N)’s eyes rolling to the back of her head upon hearing the news. She absolutely detested working with other people for two reasons: the first one being that, if they happen to be from a different House, they would judge her for being a Slytherin; and the second, because she was always the one ending up doing it all on her own, but that was mostly her fault. She wanted to be in control all the time if it was something related to school. 

Once again, (Y/N) was observing how some of her classmates changed desks so they could work with whoever they wanted. No one took the empty seat beside her. She never minded being alone in this class (none of her close friends capable of dealing with the intensity of it or not being too interested in numbers), she was not going to start now. It was better anyways, not having a partner meant less headaches. 

But, apparently, the odds were not in her favor.

A diveleshed looking Remus Lupin crossed the entrance door with his arms full of books, parchments and quills; uniform poorly accommodated and a sad dog look on his eyes, definitely trying to avoid the professor’s rage for being late. His lips curved into a hesitant smile, that to (Y/N)’s opinion came out more as a grimace, and when she thought they all were about to hear a pathetic and improvised excuse from Perfect Remus, the old witch shook her hand into a dismissive gesture and signalised the wooden chair next to the Slytherin girl while she informed him about the task. 

Now that Lupin was beside her, shoulders almost touching, she took a closer look at him. (Y/N) had the impression he was sick because of the dark circles below his dull brown eyes, his skin a lot more paler than usual, and the small noise that left his mouth once he sat down, like his chest hurted. She had also noticed scratches and scars on his neck and cheeks, but kept quiet about them too. It wasn’t her place to ask. 

The first ten minutes passed slowly, neither of them uttering a word, and listening to the expectations the professor had for the project. Well, more like (Y/N) was the one actually listening, because Remus was busy running through his things while leaving them scattered all around their shared desk and muttering curses under his breath. She watched him with a weirded out expression on her face, eyes narrowing and eyebrows furrowing with her mouth pressed on a thin line, while he read the first lines of a parchment and then, obviously not being what he was looking for, leaving it on her side. 

“You forgot the essay, didn’t you?,” she leaned closer to him and whispered in the boy’s ear. He turned around to look at her, but it wasn’t necessary for him to confirm it, (Y/N) already knew she was right. 

Picking her satchel from the floor, she took her own assignment, grabbed one piece of empty parchment and, making sure the professor wasn’t looking in their direction, she muttered a spell under her breath. Instantly, the black paragraphs on her paper copied and travelled to the empty one. With another flick of her wand, some of the words transformed, other changed places and a few of them even disappeared. Grabbing one of Lupin’s parchment that had his calligraphy, and corroborating once more the old witch had her back turned to them, (Y/N) copied his writing style to transfer it to the parchment she had just enchanted. With a proud smile on her face, she handed it to him. 

Lupin’s face was now a little brighter, of course he still had those horrendous bags, but it was an improvement. His eyes wide and shining with interest, his face less tired and his mouth opened in surprise. 

“How did you do that?”

“One of my cousins taught me. Him and his friends had been perfectioning this spell for a long time now,” she mumbled, trying not to catch the other’s attention, while she shrugged her shoulders. 

“That was amazing,” an astonish sound accompanying his words, “thank you, by the way, for helping me.”

“Oh no, I don’t accept thank you’s.” (Y/N) sat straighter on her chair, beaming at him while she crossed one of her legs on top of the other. Before he had the chance to ask what she meant, she spoke again. ”I did you a favor, now you owe me one.”

And after that particular conversation, Remus’s and (Y/N)’s destinies were sealed in an unbreakable and everlasting bond.

That following week was spent in the safety of the Room of Requirement, the place where none of their friends would bother them if they happened to see them together, a Gryffindor and a Slytherin, working together. (Y/N) believed it was stupid at first, not going to the library because someone may or may not catch them in such a forbiden act, but it was all forgotten when the idea that she could become the next target for one of their pranks popped in her head. She had seen what they’ve done to other housemates and she never wanted to be in the receiving end of one. 

The way the Room looked was another major point in why they continued to meet there. (Y/N) had never visited but she had heard about it and how it changed according to your needs. Right now, the chamber resembled a greenhouse, more beautiful than the ones where they had Herbology with Professor Sprout. All kinds of plants covered the walls (not one was the same as the next), coloured carpets underneath old white marble statues and high columns of the same material, reminding her of all the times she’d read a book about Ancient Greece and it’s Gods. In the middle of the Room were two dark red divans, contrasting against the green on the rest of the place, surrounded by piles of books — (Y/N) had the feeling they were all about Arithmancy and Numerology — and, in the centre, a small coffee table made of wood. 

Not even after hours of working in the assignment they were able to finish it in that afternoon. Both of them were perfectionists, ending up in some small arguments about how they should approach certain topics but had also pushed them in coming up with better and more interesting ideas. No one could deny the pair worked marvelously, complementing each other.

To (Y/N)’s astonishment, Remus Lupin didn’t fit the ideal her mind had set a long time ago for Gryffindors. All the ones she’d encountered were boisterous, incredibly annoying, short-tempered and just general prats. The boy with whom she had spent a whole afternoon was utterly the opposite and (Y/N) would’ve discovered that earlier if she’d hadn’t been so prejudiced.  

The day the assignment was due to, arrived quickly than expected and with it came a sudden and small pang of sadness that startled her. 

When she sat down beside Remus, he had made sure of arriving extra early to compensate the professor for the week before, the boy perceived something was off — his superpower according to his three best friends, he was always capable of reading a person perfectly, even if they hadn’t known each other for too long — because of how she was acting, trying too hard to show an unbothered facade but not hard enough for him to not notice.

The truth was (Y/N) didn’t want this class to start since once it was over so would the partnership with Remus. She had enjoyed his calm and warm company, sometimes a little crazy, in the Room Requirement while they worked on the project. And she was one hundred percent sure she would miss the moments when they both agreed on taking a break after many hours of reading and began to talk about nothing and everything, all at once. Was she supposed to forget that he always carried one chocolate inside his bag, and that he’d started to bring one more after their first afternoon studying together? Was (Y/N) expected to ignore the fact Remus wanted to become a professor because he liked the idea of being there for young people in case they needed someone? Was this girl meant to fail to remember about how this boy had asked his mum to teach him Welsh so they, mother and son, could have one more thing in common? 

When the professor dismissed them, not without praising (Y/N)’s and Remus’s essay first, he noticed the girl next to him hadn’t even smiled at the mention of how perfect they’d worked. Now he knew for sure something was wrong with her and Remus Lupin was not the kind of person who saw his friends feeling down and did nothing about it. 

Following her across the corridor, he tried to catch her attention but she was either not listening or down right ignoring him. Finally being able to reach her, Remus grabbed her arm softly and called her name in a whisper. She turned around, head low and eyes fixated on her jet black loafers, not looking at him. 

“Are you alright? Because if something happened, you can talk to me,” Remus asked in a faint voice, almost swallowed by the noise the other students in the hallway were making, moving his hand towards her shoulder and rubbing tenderly the fabric of her grey sweater that covered her skin, “I know we hadn’t been friends for too long, but you can come to me for anything you may need.”

(Y/N) raised her head after hearing the last part.

“We are?” An incredulous look appearing on her face. “We are friends?”

“Of course we are, (Y/N),” Remus announced while letting out a snicker, as if the thought of the two of them not being friends sounded ridiculous in his mind, “I wouldn’t have shared my chocolate with you if we weren’t. And as a half blood… you are one of the few people who actually understands my movie or book references from the muggle world.”

Her mood better now that she knew Remus considered her a friend and for once since she initiated her education at Hogwarts, she was glad the Arithmancy professor had made them work in pairs.

|||

Weeks and months passed by, and with each one of them the friendship between Remus and (Y/N) grew stronger. There were still several things the Gryffindor was not ready to discuss, like him being a werewolf, his other friends becoming animagi to help him during the nights of a full moon; the creation of the Marauder’s Map and how much he wanted to kiss her whenever she began to ramble about a subject she was really passionate about. He kept quiet, and for several months he came up with excuses, not only for the scars and the nights on the Infirmary, but for the random loss of concentration every time she was too closed to him, cracking up a joke or cursing at the professors for thinking they couldn’t have five minutes without being buried in assignments and deadlines. 

His feelings, unknown to him, were not one sided. 

(Y/N) wasn’t one to go for the boys she liked, she was used to just admiring them from afar, never making the effort to start a conversation and she was fine with it. But Remus was a whole other story. She knew him, and his fears, and the books he would read over and over again, and how much of a good friend and amazing person he was. And all of that made it even harder for her to take that quick but impossible last step. Her friends had been trying to make her pursue him since the moment the Firewhisky in her system led her to overshare. They’d said he felt the same and for a moment she believed it, but long nights of overthinking convinced her that Remus was just being kind to her, his specialty.

She tried to push her feelings away, to calm her heart that couldn’t stop jumping whenever she saw him smiling, to control the sweat on her hands every time he whispered something funny in her ear; to put a stop to the flips her stomach suffered the moment he said her name; to even her breathing on the occasions he would utter random Welsh words — one of the reason why she started to learn the language four months after their friendship began —  to see her confused expression. 

One night after a long and stressful day in the midst of their seventh and last year at Hogwarts, while the last quarter moon shined down from above them and illuminated her features, Remus Lupin decided he would honor the reason he was supposed to be in Gryffindor.

Taking a small object from the pocket of his trousers and releasing a shaky breath, he took (Y/N)’s hand to catch her attention. She turned around, looking away momentarily from the moon and the stars, the things she admired the most, grinning softly at him with such alluring eyes.

“I don’t know how to say this and what I’m doing is barely planned, and so many things could wrong but…,” Remus started, taking a large gulp of air before talking again, “I can’t help myself with you sitting there like that.”

She didn’t respond, understanding there was something bugging him and that it was crying out for someone to just let it out.

“I like you and not as a friend, I mean, yes, I do like you as a friend but I also like you as much more than that,” he confessed briskly, shortly after closing his eyes and chewing his bottom lip, “and I did this for you.”

(Y/N) took the tiny object silently, not knowing what to say, and held it up towards the sky so the moon would cast a light upon it. 

The minute she realised what it was, she confirmed that Remus’s feelings were the same as hers. With a large smile on her face, she traced her fingers delicately across the wooden figure. It had an intricate design, with two hearts in the middle and two fine lines lacing with each other, reminding her of a simple braid. On top of the heart, were three threads forming a knot.

“It’s a lovespoon, isn’t it?,” she mumbled just to be sure this was all truly happening. Remus nodded, still not knowing if she liked him too, “It’s gorgeous, Rem.” 

Locking eyes with her, he didn’t need her to say she liked him back because he already knew the answer. (Y/N)’s eyes were brimming with a few tears, holding such intense emotions and staring at him the way his mum did whenever his dad was in front of her. 

“I like you too, fy annwyl un,” she confessed back. A laugh escaped his mouth while he shook his head.

“Since when do you know Welsh, fy nghariad aur?”

“I learned it to impress someone.”

Remus leaned his body closer towards her, putting his hand over her cheek and running his thumb gracefully across it. Both of them shift their weight at the same time to be nearer each other. 

(Y/N)’s heart shaking violently in her chest, anticipating what was going to be her first kiss. 

“Remember that favor you owe me since last year?,” she reminded him. Their warm breaths mixing, lips so close and yet so far away. Remus nodded slightly as his hand descended from her cheek to caress cautiously one of her bottom lip’s corners. His other hand travelled to the back of her head, intertwining slowly with her hair, “well, I’m asking for it now.”

He smiled while their lips brushed against one another. Taking the lead, Remus finally pressed their mouths together. And it was everything and so much more than she had ever imagined. Eyes closed but still capable of seeing a mixture of red bright fireworks and shining stars.

One of her hands, the one clutching the lovespoon tightly, stayed put on his arm, while the other moved towards his neck, not knowing where else to leave it. Instantly, Remus dropped his hand from her cheeks to her waist, pulling her closer and almost sitting her on top of his lap. He moved her head slightly backwards, making (Y/N) to open his lips more and allowing him to explore her mouth with his tongue. 

None of them cared about what the rest of the school would think when they entered the Great Hall, hand in hand, a dark brown lovespoon decorating (Y/N)’s satchel.

Under the moonlight, no one else had felt more alive than them.

[wooahaes]

Ahh we all have that one professor who makes u go ??? The fuck ??? At least 5 times in 20 mins lol I get you

Also the nct thing was purely by accident lol aksnsksms I initially listened to boom by nct dream, thought I’d listen to a couple more songs, fell down the rabbit hole and now I actively Stan 20+ men 💀 yeah I did that to myself lol but fr nct has some weird shit but a LOT of bops like if you like slow ballad type of stuff I recommend from home and my everything but nct u or if u like smth cute Touch by NCT 127 is p well liked by most people I introduce that song to! And most of nct dreams older songs are p cute too! I feel like you’ve made a grave mistake letting me talk ab NCT because I could go on FOREVER aksnsksms also I totally get the mark + Haechan duo lol I have a particular fondness for mark because we share the same birthday lol plus he’s so cute I just wanna fucking SQUISH

I would LOVE to hear you talk about Shinee!! All of their music fuckin SLAPS I’ve been obsessed with Body Rhythm every since it came out and like I got into the fandom p late so I don’t know much but I think taemin is fucking hilarious like he is very much my pathetic lil meow meow

-Baby Teume

literally i love her but the way she runs her classes... headache inducing. im probably going to scrape past with a C unless she decides to drop our lowest grade (highly unlikely but very welcome)

... my confession is that i actually enjoy sticker lmao like ik its not great ig? but i can still vibe with it

i have made NO mistake asking u to talk abt nct!!! pls talk to me about nct whenever u feel like it lmao i love hearing abt other ppls groups and the stuff they get passionate about!! literally i love when ppl give me song recs even if i dont end up getting into them bc its a lil 'hey i thought u might enjoy this' and i think thats sweet <3

i learned that marks emojis are a tiger and a lion and im like omg... tiger... another tiger boy to add to my collection. AND lions too??? mark nct ill give u a kiss omg /j

omg... u will regret asking me abt shinee i love them SO much. im ignoring the fact taemin just showed up on my playlist (highly recommend all of the shinee members solo stuff!!! i can absolutely give recs for my fave from each member even tho minho has like two songs to him rn but theyre both good fdkhdshf)

i always say taemin is my bias (hes adorable AND funny like... king stop my expectations are too high-) but i think im truly ot5 because all of them are so important to me. they were the first kpop group i ever listened to forever ago (sherlock (clue + note) is a legend and i love her so much), and i think dropping off shortly after getting into them (which would have been around 2015 because it was the time view came out) and then picking them a little over a year ago was genuinely like... something that really helped me out of a shitty place + hurt because i had missed the news about jonghyun entirely. but even then, i think its made me appreciate him and everything he's done so, so much. i won't get sappy but i truly love jonghyun so much and i'm glad he's no longer hurting. it'll always piss me off when people reduce him down to his death and nothing else because he was such a good person.

moving on from that before i get too emotional... i genuinely just love shinee a lot. i watched one of the shinee world concerts (IV i think?) earlier this year and its amazing how talented they were and still are. shinee truly helped pave the way and inspired so many idols and i adore them. its also fun to just watch them interact, tbh. i don't genuinely ship anyone because i find that weird, but minkey as a (platonic) pair are my faves lmao they always bicker like an old married couple but you can tell that they do love each other and are genuinely close friends.

and jinki!!! onew my beloved!!! i love him so much. he has such a warm presence and GOD his vocals... i die every time... coincidentally love phobia just came up on my playlist lmao but still!! highly recommend listening to DICE if u haven't!! the entire album itself is good but the title track is soo good <3 i always feel like i forget he's the leader of shinee because they're all so close-knit, it feels like they're all on completely equal footing even if jinki is the one leading them.

i didnt rly get into my love for taemin but genuinely i adore him. he's so, so talented both vocally and dance-wise, i love to see the difference between his stage persona (typically his solo persona lmao taemin and his slutty slutty music... <3) when he's really just this very sweet catholic man who apparently only really interacts with his group mates and a few others outside of that. he's so funny and i honestly admire every live he did where he spoke english and messed up and accepted his mistakes? like. learning a language is hard enough, especially one as fucking weird as english, but he just seems to eager to try speaking english and accepts his mistakes. i think he definitely has a very good support network both in the people helping him learn english (job-wise) and in having someone like key there to correct him (and maybe rib him a little bit--but it's all out of love). also i still think its really funny he broke into keys place to leave him a birthday cake and then proceeded to steal one of his jackets. stole my heart at the same time smh

i will stop here bc i still have two questions left on my final but !!! i will absolutely give u shinee recs if you want!! shinee has SUCH a good discography with only a few songs that are... not good at all lmao. but every group puts out some bad songs sometimes, especially when they've been around for a long time! nothing wrong w that! + i'll probs throw in recs from each member's solo career because i genuinely love a lot of their solo stuff as well <3

[scorsoneamelia]

oh my god ok so i decided to write a little smth about my girl amelia because i love writing and i used to do it all the time but i stopped and i rlly rlly wanna get back into it

so i wrote smth that takes place at the end of s17 after the amelink proposal 

TW: mention of drugs/addiction/death

                Sometimes --- more often that usual, it feels like the world is ending, like life will never slow down, no matter how many times she wishes and she prays that she'll be able to wake up and it will feel like a breath of fresh air; to be able to wake up and have the rays of the morning sunshine creeping it's way through the dark curtains, hitting her boyfriend's face at an angle that made him look absolutely breathtaking, an angel sent from God himself, so beautiful that it'd take her breath away, and maybe even her heart would skip a beat-- literally. And then his eyes would flutter open so delicately and the rays would make his blue eyes sparkle, looking even more blue than she ever remembered.

             But instead, she woke up with the alternative.Alone--oh, ever so lonely. He had sprung up the big question, getting down on one knee and pouring his absolute heart out, even giving her four rings because the boy was worried and conflicted on exactly what he wanted the ring to look like. It wasn't like she didn't want to, or that she didn't love him because oh my god, she loved him. Loved him so much that sometimes it made her chest feel tight and it made her want to understand what she did to deserve someone like him, someone as amazing as him.

             You challenge me... you-you.. thrill me. You.. impress the hell out of me.

              On top of the world-wide pandemic, Scout-- Meredith's kids, her mind is going a million miles a minute and for once she wants to take a step back-- out of her own mind, her own life and just breathe.

           And there's definitely nobody on Earth like you.

            She can't get the image out of her head, the heartbreak that spread across his face, the absolute sadness and pain that washed away the big big smile he had previously been giving her. She didn't mean to just blank and stare at him with no words, no expression-- she just froze.

            So now, she woke up alone, her boyfriend not beside her. She felt like she couldn't catch her breath and maybe it was because life sucked or maybe it was because of the nightmare that kept flashing through her head, in bits of pieces like a flash on a camera. Appearing back into her mind for a second before she completely forgets what the dream was even about. It was about her father-- it's always about her father. But this time, it was about her father-- Ryan, Derek and even Christopher. Four of the most important people to her; gone. The curtains were closed, the rays couldn't peak their way inside, or maybe it was because it was ten o'clock at night-- the room so so dark, almost as dark as her mind as been lately.

        Meetings had been harder to attend, the pandemic had only been allowing them to do meetings over a computer screen, in the same atmosphere that is making her feel like she's going crazy. Scout takes all of her free time away-- actually all of her time. She loves him, more than she loves herself but for months now she hasn't been able to breathe, especially with her nieces and nephew also needing all of hers and Link's full attention. She's doing this because they're her family and Meredith is on a vent, the world trying to take even more away from her.

        A day or two at work is what she needed this week to feel like she was alive again, cutting into someone's brain to give her some kind of feeling, even if it was just adrenaline. Sometimes, Amelia wishes that the adrenaline was enough. Was enough feeling for her to keep going-- god, she wants to give up so badly.  

        So, that night instead of waking to her boyfriend's beautiful blue eyes, she woke up to an empty room and an empty house because her sister was nice enough to take the kids for a day, the day after her wedding because hell-- she was that nice. She broke down, tears staining her cheeks and she was worried she wasn't going to stop.

         You're loud and fearless and it scares the crap out of me. How am I supposed to call you up and tell you that I've been shot? I can't tell you about my pain-- I don't want you to know that pain exists.

          Derek--- she missed her big brother more than she has ever missed anyone. Her father being an exception but Derek, her favourite person in the entire world was taken from her too soon and once again it felt like her world was crashing down around her. His voice was repeating in her head like a broken record and it was loud--- so loud, was she crazy? 

         You're my favourite sister.

         She couldn't breathe, it was like she was reliving the news all over again. Her chest felt like it was caving in and Derek's voice was still ringing in her head, like he was haunting her. 

          "We did that." Amelia nodded, standing next to her older brother after a successful brain surgery that saved the mother of her friend's son. 

           "We did that." He agreed. "We gotta publish." She joked, Derek looking over at her and replying with, "Oh hell yeah we do... You ever think about doing drugs again-"

           "Remember this?" Amelia interrupted.

           "I was gonna say call me and I'll fly down to Los Angeles to knock some sense into you." He joked, causing them both to laugh. "But okay... remember this. But that doesn't work,"

         "Yeah, you can totally kick my ass." She joked, extending her arm to shove him in the arm gently, both of them laughing while he pulled her into a tight hug. "Done. I love you." Derek said softly while he tightly held onto his little sister, and she was hugging him back as if she never wanted to let him go.

        Her favourite person in the entire world was gone and she didn't know what to do anymore, grief comes in waves and it never goes away. It's true what they say about grief-- it gets better with time...  because it does and she knows that better than anyone else. But what they don't say is that when it does come back, it's like a wave hitting you when you least expect it and then you're drowning, trying to catch your last breath before you're suffocating.

       "You didn't kill Ryan," the girl with the dyed red hair had stated, someone that had became her friend after her first night at the treatment centre.

       "Excuse me?" Amelia asked, mostly taken by surprise because it was in front of a group of people, a literal group of people.

        "You didn't kill him. You might've wrote the prescriptions but he took the drugs himself." Everyone was listening now, her secrets now out in the open. Secrets she never shared with the group.

          "Shut up, Hayley." Amelia snapped. 

           "And that guilt-- that's gonna kill you. That's what killed my best friend, it was guilt. Cause her mom was so freaked that she had a breakdown and her dad left-" It was like it was just the two of them, direct eye contact with each other. It was like everyone else that was in the room disappeared. 

          "Hayley... you don't know what the hell you're talking about, you're a child and you need to shut up." She cut the girl off, getting frustrated that she was even sharing her own personal secrets with everyone else. She could feel the pain rising in her chest, a tight feeling stuck at the bottom of her throat. She didn't believe that.. she did kill him. 

         "You didn't.. kill him!" Hayley tried again, the girl clearly wanting to get her point across. "Okay? He took the drugs himself, you didn't make him take them. He took them himself! You gotta get that, before I left here.. you have to get that. Because if you don't-- you're not gonna make it," Amelia's vision was blurry now, the tears drowning her sad blue eyes. "And I need you to make it. I know you loved him, and I know he loved you. But he took... the drugs... himself."

         Amelia finally broke down, sobs taking over her body. They were loud cries, cries of pain, cries for help. There was pain all over her body, rushing throughout her body like waves crashing against the shore. Burying her head into her hands, pulling her legs onto the chair and pulling them against her chest, trying to make herself feel small because that's how she felt--- small.

         It was cold in the room, and she was numb. Memories were flooding in, Derek, Ryan, Christopher-- her father. The room was cold, almost as cold as the hotel room was when Ryan died. He died-- right beside her. Her boyfriend died right before they were going to get sober, be happy together.. he died. He didn't make it. And no matter how many times she thinks back to that day in rehab when Hayley reminded her that it was not her fault, it was her fault and not a day goes by where she doesn't blame herself. 

         She wasn't crying anymore, she was just sitting in her bed with her legs pressed against her chest, no emotion and no thoughts other than the faces of everyone she has ever lost. The short moments she spent with Christopher, her dad getting shot and Derek holding her so tight that she couldn't move, Owen telling her the news about Derek dying. Link hadn't checked in, he hadn't called, he hadn't texted and she didn't blame him. He was hurt, like he deserved to be and she couldn't be mad at him for not showing up at the house to see her. But she did need him, she needed someone, but her one sister was in a hospital bed with machines breathing for her, and her other sister was with her husband and the kids--- her kid. 

          After she ended up forcing herself out of bed, her mind still loud and her entire body numb, a lump constantly sitting at the bottom of her throat--- she was walking through the front doors of a quiet, dark and small bar. Not many people were there, just a few people eating some food with their friends, some had a beer in front of them. Amelia doesn't know how she got here but she was sitting down at the bar, blue eyes heavy and sad, old makeup from earlier in the day staining her cheeks. 

         "You look like you need a drink," The bartender spoke as he made his way over to her. He was tall, sandy blonde hair with green eyes, he definitely didn't hurt the eyes to look at. "What can I get ya?"

         Her sad eyes slowly glanced up at him and she didn't answer. She didn't know what she was doing-- a drink? She hasn't a drink in a few years, the last time being when Meredith was in the hospital for being attacked. It's been a while and she thought she was doing good-- better. She thought about Link, and Scout, who needed him. Scout needed her, more than he needed anyone. It was almost enough for her to stand up and leave the bar until her mouth opened and she was ordering a drink. "Vodka tonic."

         "Coming right up." The boy winked, moving to the opposite side of the bar to mix her drink. Amelia thought she'd feel some kind of regret, but instead she continued to sit there; numb.

           The glass was placed in front of her and her hands were reaching for it, as she lifted it to her lips and took a sip, the feeling of the Vodka burning her throat. Memories continuing to flood her mind, only causing her to drink back the drink faster, which only caused the bartender to place another drink in front of her. 

-----

             Five drinks; she already drank five drinks and at this point she could feel the alcohol in her bloodstream, already making her feel much more calm and more relaxed. The feeling of being drunk again was a good feeling; scary good. Scary to the point where she was worried about slipping again, which is what she already did. She's at a bar, five drinks in, almost onto her sixth with a young male; attractive male sitting beside her making small talk. She already slipped.

            She had eight missed calls from Maggie, none from her boyfriend. Her state of mind was making her more and more angry, angry that he hasn't checked in. Sober Amelia would be telling herself, it's not his fault, you said nothing to his proposal. Give him space. But drunk Amelia, is angry, pissed, hurt--- angry that he stopped checking in. He told her he'd check in, he promised her he'd check in but instead he went to his best friend, Jo's house and she hasn't heard from him. 

          "Where are you headed to after this?" The green eyed boy was moving closer, his eyes trailing down her body as she sat there, body feeling like she was floating. 

           "Nowhere with you," she answered. "I have a boyfriend." Would Link be still considered her boyfriend even though she never responded to his proposal? 

           "That's unfortunate," he sighed, pulling his drink up to his lips. "Where's your so-called boyfriend?"

           Jo's, is what she wanted to reply but it's not like the boy would know what she was talking about, nor did he even care, he was just wanting her to come home with him. "Just at home." 

           Her phone was buzzing on the table again, and she was already six drinks in. The memories that had previously filled her head were now gone and all she felt was dizzy. Dizzy, numb--- great. She felt great, amazing. Maggie was calling again and she was about to decline the call before she remembered why she might be calling. Scout.

          "Maggie, hey," Amelia answered, trying her best to sound sober. "So sorry, I was asleep." She was hoping that Maggie would believe her, despite her words slurring together.

          "Amelia, where are you actually? I just came by the house to drop the kids off and you're not home and I don't know where Link is, are you with him?" Fuck fuck fuck. She's so stupid, stupid for showing up to a bar knowing damn well that she'd have to take care of 4 kids by the end of the night. She had a debate with herself, debating on whether or not she should tell Maggie the truth or lie.

            "I was asleep, I had to run to the hospital for a consult," she lied. "I'm on way back." Amelia thought the lie was good, even though she was slurring. But Maggie didn't sound too convinced but she agreed that she'd see Amelia at the house before they both hung up the phone. 

            One more drink she told herself before she was dialling a cab so that she could get home safely because even though she slipped she can't be responsible for someone else dying.

-----

           It was late. Almost one in the morning when Amelia walked through the front door, stumbling is the right word to describe it. She assumed Maggie and the kids would be asleep but she was greeted with Maggie, her arms crossed in front of her chest as she stood up from the couch. 

           "It has been a long day," Amelia started, so obvious she was drunk. "My bedroom is calling my name."

           "Amelia," Maggie said, with so much sadness in her voice. Maggie was far from stupid, she was brilliant, a genius, she could see right through Amelia.

           "No questions, just bed." Amelia headed towards the stairs, swinging her bag over her shoulder before Maggie walked up to her, stepping in front of her to stop her from going up the staircase. Maggie made a face, a you smell like vodka face and then she was putting her hands on Amelia's shoulders and pulling her into a hug, a tight hug, so tight that the hug itself almost made Amelia break down into a puddle of tears. A hug is exactly what she needed, especially right now. "I'm sorry..." Were the only words Maggie could form and she just held her. One hand was pressed against the back of Amelia's head while the other was wrapped around her, it never seemed like she was going to let go. 

          Amelia was dizzy, and she was sad and she could barely stand so she used Maggie to hold herself up. "No," Amelia cried out, a single tear dripping off of her soft eyelashes. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I did it again. I'm a mess, I did it again." 

          "No, no, no," Maggie said, pulling away from Amelia before brushing a single strand of hair out of her face and pushing it behind her ear. "You're not a mess."

           Amelia just stared at Maggie, her eyes heavy, her blue eyes drowning in a puddle of tears and Maggie could see the pain in her eyes and it made Maggie sad, she cared about Amelia so much. Before the two could exchange any other words, Scout was crying from his crib upstairs.

         "I'll get it," Amelia slurred, dropping her bag to the floor and stumbling backwards as she grabbed onto the railing of the staircase.

          "No," Maggie said sternly. "I'll do it, just go lay down, I'll join you after." Maggie helped Amelia up the stairs because honestly--- she thought she was going to fall down, the girl could barely walk. 

          Amelia was already laying in her bed, the room spinning around her and before she had even a minute to rest, she was running to the bathroom to empty out her stomach into the toilet. Six drinks didn't seem like very many but maybe it is for someone who hadn't had anything to eat because she forgot to and she hasn't had a sip of alcohol in a long time. She was doing so well, dammit.

          She wasn't alone for long because while Amelia was gripping onto the toilet bowl, knuckles turning white her hair was being pulled up and out of the way. Maggie was rubbing her back in a comforting way, trying anything that she could to help the girl.

         After puking, she stayed sat on the floor, sitting with her back against the wall and the room was still spinning. Maggie slid down the wall to sit beside her, pulling Amelia into her side. 

         "You're going to be okay," Maggie said, pulling Amelia closer to her and since the room was spinning so fast, she had to rest her head on Maggie's shoulder because she needed to sleep. "We'll start fresh tomorrow."

         She closed her eyes, taking deep breaths and even though the alcohol made her feel good, she also felt regret and shame. So much shame. She hated herself, she hated that she did this to herself again. 

          She did this to Scout.

          And to Link. And to everyone she cares about.

          Everyone she's ever lost would be so disappointed in her, she knew they would be because that's what she was. Disappointed in herself.

          But maybe she was right, one day at a time and even though she got to this point again, she'll try again tomorrow and hope and pray that she doesn't start spiralling.

          The last image in her head before she started to doze off was Derek and her dad, the most important people in her life.