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bylertruther · 2 years ago

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i desperately want to write some kind of (potentially the last of us part 2 vibes inspired [aka just gay, country, cozy, and gritty]) established monster apocalypse fic with slightly aged up characters but i can't make up my mind on whether i want to write ...

a season one-esque retelling in the sense that will goes missing and the party ignores the safe zone's rules to go off and find him + they run into a feral eleven who helps them but fails to mention at first that she comes from the colony tht took will and it's kind of like a prison break type of fic too but overall it's all about hope and new beginnings and waaaay too close calls and The Power Of Friendship and coming home and being scared but doing it anyway and many many Realizations of the homosexual variety

by|er are boy besties and have been ever since they met on the rusty rickety swings and it's very much Day In The Life Of Two Monster Apocalypse Survivors Who Are NOT Dating Seriously Stop We're NOTTTTT Hehe<3 until Shit Goes Down and Oh God Oh Fuck What The Hell And FUCK FUCK FUCK WAIT NO STOP PLEASE and oops what do ya kno eddie/bob/hopper/insert other influential mentor character here jus got fed to a pack of demo-dogs or something else equally as horrific by some rival group and the party is helpless to do anything but watch and so after they hold the funeral they go off to avenge them (aka SHUT UP yes it's jus a tlou2 knock-off basically maybe don't look @ me) + it's about the lengths you'd go to for the ones that you love, what parts of yourself you lose and find on the path to revenge, what it means to be alive vs actually living, making your own way in the world, how much you can change before you become someone else entirely, what it means to actually honor the ones you lose, and The Healing Power of Love of course

fuck the "will goes missing" trope all my homies hate the "will goes missing" trope, this time .....okokok maybe will does go missing actually BUT mike is right on his tail bc Over My Dead Body Will You Take My Best Friend Away From Me and maybe they get chased away far enough by whatever monster that they get lost because it's all in the middle of their settlement falling/being overrun and it's nighttime and they don't know what's happening everything was fine just thirty minutes ago wtfwtfwtf and they have to find their way back home and there's lots of hurt/comfort of the physical and emotional variety bc Everything Happens So Much and when have they ever gotten a break literally ever + it's about finding hope where it feels like there is none, "just hold on a little longer, okay?", learning what makes home feel like home, us against the world-isms, will gets bitten by a demo-bat or something and doesn't tell mike (don't worry he's immune lol) but mike soon realizes anyway bc will is shifting his weight weirdly and mike is Always looking at him (but not in a gay way bro i sWEAR bro we're FRIENDS We Are Friends now hold my hand pls), aka Paladin and The Cleric vibes 100% essentially jus two gay hooligans and their awful very bad no good week away from the camp

will and el aren't The Chosen Ones so the monster apocalypse happens anyway without them causing it but when will was taken away it was because his test results came back weird n brenner's team wanted to study him for Finding A Cure reasons but something goes wrong one day and they both make it out of the lab (& maybe word gets around to other settlements abt two missing teens n mike finds a poster while out and when he takes it back n shows ppl it just gets him looks of pity but not from joyce, the only other person that never lost hope). fast forward to feral will-el being a two man wolf pack that are just trying to find will's family wherever they may be now (will corrects her and tells her its their family btw and he's told her so much abt them at this point that it really does feel like she's known them her whole life almost bt she's secretly scared to hope that they're still alive even if she'd never tell him that bc she jus wants a family so much she doesn't want to be let down if they aren't) and this one is more of like ... A Day In The Life / Character Study type of fic bc they Do find the party (they break in somewhere to get supplies n there's so many monsters n the last time they all saw each other they were kids and will-el are covered up so they don't recognize each other n ofc will-el are bandits so they get captured and then yanno. they rip off will's face coverings and it's like Omgggg Surprise It's Me Aha Sorry I Bit You And Almost Took Your Knee Out And Hit You With A Metal Pipe Can You Please Uncuff Me Now Hehe<3). aka will-el find their way back home and now they have to figure out what home really is and how to reintegrate into society. it's about the ghosts of your past, reconciling what you knew with what's in front of you, falling back into old habits and having to learn new ones, falling in love all over again, mike waking up from the same nightmare he always has and going to will's room in the dead of night because he has to be SURE that this is real that will's actually alive that it really is him right in front of him and that he hasn't been taken away again and that this isn't just another dream within a dream, learning how to be a human being again, and it ends with someone's wedding ofc.

#i .... actually have a lot of scenes written for all four of these lmao but i get Overwhelmed bc i want to pick ONE n jus stick to #it before starting another BUT !!!!! I CAN'T EVER PICK !!!!!! AND SO I ONLY EVER HAVE BITS N PIECES OF 3843904 FICS #AND OUTLINES AND ENTIRE FOLDERS FULL OF STUFF BUT I CAN'T PICK SO THEY DON'T EVER GET COMPLETED AND #GOD.#also some of these would be mike pov and there is literally nothing scarier than that i'd rather post my entire asshole on my blog #than get ripped to shreds by the mike kinnies. DHBFKJBJFHB #but yeah idk. rubbing my chin staring at my screen like this -> 🧐

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neotrances · 3 years ago

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can u pls explain the twin plot. im so confused everytime ppl say he's not the real ciel

putting this under a read more bc the explanation is pretty . long but it’ll be easier if i lay it all out !

for the sake of making this readable and as easy to understand as possible i’m gonna refer to our ciel, the ciel we follow throughout the series as o!ciel (our ciel) and his twin (the one who just showed up) as r!ciel (real ciel) because o!ciel does not have a name as of right now and the series is still going

when the twins parents were killed they were kidnapped by a unarmed group in the occult, this group had also kidnapped many other nobles and brought o!ciel and everyone else to a chamber to preform rituals to summon evil spirits, o!ciel was shy and anxious and had asthma, while r!ciel was outgoing talkative in good health and always watching out for o!ciel, in flashbacks and hints throughout the show we have scenes from their childhood that show both ciels but the behavior contradicts so this hinted at them being two different people (examples being a flashback showing r!ciel happy to talk to people and then in the same flashback o!ciel is withdrawn and scared of strangers) their dynamic worked by r!ciel protecting and speaking for his brother and o!ciel quietly living in his brothers shadow bc of being sickly, often left at home during social events and not spoken about as much because r!ciel was decided to be the heir to the phantomhive family bc he had the personality and health that the rich family needed to continue its legacy as the queens gaurd dog and o!ciel did not

on the night they were kidnapped r!ciel was next in line to have a ritual performed in which he gets stabbed and is presumed to die, o!ciel sees this after watching many other people die beforehand is overcome with so much anger and despair he summons a demon. demons are drawn to places that are filled with anger sadness depression and most of all human blood, and agony happening that night in that room, o!ciel snapping after losing his brother was the tipping point. sebastian appears, and o!ciels anger makes him tell sebastian to murder everyone still there and destroy the place, but before this happens some members involved get away in the chaos including the people responsible for killing his brother and his parents, once the few who couldn’t escape are dead sebastian forms a contract with o!ciel, saying he will help fulfill any wish he has as long as he gets o!ciels soul in return, o!ciel agrees and the contract gets burned into his eye, his wish being to get revenge on everyone responsible and find out why his parents were killed and whose behind it all

fast forward to current day o!ciel and sebastian are still looking for who is responsible then fast forward even more to book of atlantic, where the character the undertaker, a grim reapers who has been pretending to be a human reveals that he has been tampering with dead humans and seeing what happens to them if he reanimated them without their souls, he’s getting better and better at “bringing back” the dead, something that’s strictly agaisnt grim reaper rules, but because he’s gone rogue and is extremely powerful they can’t stop or kill him and he manages to get away after sebastian (and other grim reapers at the scene ) fail to subdue him

fast forward even more, r!ciel returns, with the undertaker at his side, who explains he was able to bring r!ciel back to life after perfecting reanimating, and also because undertaker had connections to the phantomhive family way before the twins were born he has taken interest to the phantomhives, he no longer respects o!ciel and has an agenda that we still don’t know of, r!ciel wants the name of phantomhive heir back from his “cowardly” brother, he exposes that o!ciel has been liar from the start and the queen of england turns on o!ciel, the police turn on him also, he loses his money, his land, his companies, lizzie, everything, and is now on the run as a wanted criminal with sebastian and his other servants at his side

this is a really watered down version and left out some plot points but overall that’s what happened

#bb #✉️#bb crit

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escapcd · 3 years ago

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( sebastian stan. 38. cis male. he/him. ) the story of SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARVES now lives in the soul of HUNTER HART , aged THIRTY-FIVE years. they’re a LOCAL, having been in woodvale for SEVENTEEN YEARS in the SOUTH as a SECURITY DETAIL. and yeah, they definitely have the vibes of THE HUNTSMAN with the powers of TIME REVERSAL, don’t you think? @folkloremsintro

ABOUT HUNTER

abandonment tw, death tw

hunter didn’t grow up dreaming about killing people for a living. he wanted to be indiana jones, traveling the world, discovering artifacts, and ultimately saving the day.

his dad left when hunter was eight, leaving him and his mom to figure it out on their own. because of that, hunter developed a sense of duty to provide and make sure they had what they needed to survive. he did gig work until he was old enough to work two jobs during high school and helped his mom out with anything and everything

didn’t have many friends growing up bc he self-isolated

when he was 18, he heard his father was in woodvale, and hunter knew he needed to track him down. during his visit, he discovered that his father had died just a month after he’d left him and his mother. hunter didn’t know what to make of the information and has pushed it away ever since

when he tried to leave, hunter was just relocated to the other side of woodvale, and when he realized he was stuck there, he was absolutely devastated to be separated from his mom (possibly forever). she’d already lost his father, now to lose him?

when he came to terms with the fact that he wasn’t gonna be getting out of woodvale anytime soon, hunter found a place in the west, sharing a trailer with the world’s worst roommate

without any degrees or diplomas, hunter had to hustle to make a living (nothing new to him). he tried to do things the honorable way at first, but then he got caught up with a bad crew and ended up doing unsavory things for money (mainly being a hitman for hire). there was a part of him that thought maybe somehow he could buy himself out of woodvale, but as years went by, that light at the end of the tunnel grew dimmer

one day, hunter decided he’d had enough of the hitman life and took on a job as security detail for a company. he thought he’d freed himself of his reputation until his boss ordered him to kill her step-daughter, snow. when the moment came, he couldn’t do it, he couldn’t bring himself to kill her - she would forever be his one missed hit

hunter’s recently bought himself a quaint cottage in the south, away from anyone who might associate with his work. it has a cabin feel to it with log laden walls and a big stone fireplace. he also has a dog named dagger (dag, for short) who he values more than almost anyone.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

first roommate in woodvale: it would’ve been seventeen years ago in the west of woodvale. hunter hated living with this person for one reason or another - could be they were just annoying af or maybe they were too similar, def open to whatever!!

past employers: ppl who’ve hired hunter for his services in the past (aka to kill ppl or give em a scare) and maybe want to hire him again

ex: a relationship he had near the beginning of his years in woodvale. things were going well until he started doing his current work and we can def plot this out more depending on things!!

drinking bud: someone who doesn’t ask hunter too many questions and enjoys a good drink

“co-workers”: people he’s teamed up with for jobs in the past/present

dog park friend: someone he sees whenever he takes dagger out who has no idea who he is

so many more!!!! im v open to plotting specifically relating to ur character etc etc!!!!

#folklorems.intro #( hunter. intro. )#my dear sad boy :(#also this isnt well written butlasjkdfhalfhs it's here

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roominthecastle · 6 years ago

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So you really think that Red is Illya? I got the feeling that Dom outright lied to Liz. This lovesick puppy act since childhood really doesn't fit, imo. It's like Red feels guilty about using Katarina to accomplish his own ends. He respected and was attracted to her (similar to Samar) but I don't think he ever truly loved her. I don't think he is Illya at all, but one who (like the real Red) got scapegoated for something Katarina did, lost his fam, and so used her & her childhood friend Illya.

Yes, for now I remain convinced that Ilya == our Red. And the “lovesick puppy act” fits, imo, but I do share your views on the rest + I got another message that ties into this nicely, so more on all of this behind the compulsory cut bc yes, it’s long again:

Everything that’s been hinted about Red’s past over the years (took on RR’s identity, was close to Katarina, knows Dom quite well, “difficult child”, Russian mother, well-versed in tradecraft, etc.) fits Ilya, so why would Ilya be a random third person in an episode that draws on all these clues to reveal another layer of our Red? If our Red was someone else who used Kat & Ilya, then why didn’t we see at least a firm hint of him doing that? This would have been the time to intro him given that we are ~6 years in now w/ one, maybe 2 more years to go.

I agree that what Dom told Liz is not the whole story (and the missing parts are gonna end up producing a much darker and less flattering picture when they are revealed) but the broad strokes are true, imo. If this whole ep is a lie, then this whole ep was kinda pointless to show us bc if Ilya is not our Red, then we see nothing of our Red in the very episode that is meant to provide us w/ a glimpse into his past and his ties to Kat and Dom.

I know many fans have issues w/ Ilya for various reasons (mostly for two, 1. he is not related to Liz at all and 2. he had feelings for Kat at some point) but I think Gabriel did an excellent job and his Ilya fits the bill for me:

Ilya is our Red ~30 years ago from Dom’s (forgiving/sugarcoated) perspective

3 decades – esp those 3 that Red has lived through – do change ppl, so Ilya having traces of the man we know today but not his fully developed persona and “code of conduct” is how it should be

“lovesick puppy” is what our Red is around Liz, too. he often embodies the “Dulcinea Effect” trope, too, and, generally speaking, he has problems managing emotional attachments (despite excelling at business relationships), so it makes sense to me that it’s already present in Ilya and the way he acts around Kat.

and Dom flat out lying to Liz is… why? he has nothing to gain by lying and everything to lose if Liz finds out that yet. another. dude. lied. to her face. That’s exactly why Red landed in prison, too, so pissing Liz off is really not the way to go.

There could be something to the manipulation angle, tho. I have another ask about this, too:

Red is a first-class manipulator w/ attachment management issues, so any question that begins with “is it possible he manipulated…” gets a yes from me, anon #2. He loves Liz, he is willing to die for her every time they run out of options, but love also doesn’t prevent him from pushing his secret agenda and using her to further it w/o letting her in on what it is exactly that he’s doing and why. This duality (fiercely protecting her while also carrying out a secret, death-magnet mission) is their “conflict engine” and is understandably a major issue for Liz. This behavior is what finally drives Dembe away, too, imo. He already warned Red in S4: “People are dying all around you.” Mr. Kaplan also kept telling him that he must change. Dom has the exact same complaint about his dogged and dangerous behavior. Everybody who knows him well seems to agree on this one thing.

So I think it’s entirely possible Red/Ilya did the same dance w/ Kat, as well. He genuinely cared for her but he also had his own agenda when he took on Reddington’s identity, one we don’t fully know yet, one that likely got her killed, one that Dom is still struggling to forgive him for. This whole thing was Ilya/Red’s idea and once he came up w/ it, he didn’t let go until he convinced Kat to go along w/ it.

“Rassvet” overshadows its lead-in episode but we get a quality build-up for this in 618 when Dom is all up in Red’s grill again:

Dom: *gestures at the cooler*Red: Thank you.Dom: Might as well offer. You’d take one whether I wantedyou to or not.Red: A beer?Dom: A beer. A life. You do what you want, no matter what Ithink.Red: Which you find unforgivable.Dom: You want to know what I find unforgivable? You notseeing how forgiving I am.Red: You forgiving? You forgave Katarina. But not me.

if we add to this bits from previous conversations like

“It was a Hobson’s choice. There was a woman and her child. Both were doomed. Both would die. I could either saveone or lose both. I chosethe child. It was… it was the worstthing I’ve ever had to do in my life. Worst thing by far. […] I was arrogant.” - Red, 319

“She’s gone because of choices you made for both of them. First Katarina andthen Masha. As far asI’m concerned, you killed myentire family!” - Dom, 320

Red: She deceivedme, faked herown death. At thetime, she wanted to getaway from me.Dom: Ha! Well, so do I.Red: I know you’ve been conditioned to assume my selfishness. I’m sure that’slargely my fault. You don’thave to believe me or help meor like me. You neverhave. I don’t know whyyou’d have to start now.But this isn’t about me, Dom. This is about Masha. If I don’t come back–Dom: You always come back!Red: If I don’t come back, you need to find her, Dom. Tell her who you are. I have to go. I’m sorry.Dom: For what?Red: All of it. I wish I’d been the person you wanted me to be.

“I’m not sure Elizabeth will ever be ready to learn about what you did to Katarina.” - Dembe, 422

it certainly reveals how Dom’s “Rassvet” story is incomplete and depicts Ilya/Red more like the person he wanted him to be and less like the one he actually was/is. If Ilya/Red purposefully neglected to inform Kat about what it was exactly that he intended to do w/ Reddington’s identity and it was too late to back out once they started, if he was playing his signature “I’m telling you a truth but I’m never telling you everything” game already, then Dom’s behavior makes sense: he believes Kat had no real choice since she was not aware what she was walking into when she agreed to Ilya/Red’s plan and this got her killed. Ilya/Red’s mission is an inherently noble one but not even inherently noble ends justify every means.

And then the exact same thing happened when Ilya/Red showed up in Liz’s life w/ his blacklist, telling her “I wanna help you. That’s why I am here.” when his motivations were far more complex and calculated from the start, and Liz is still not fully grasping them. But she is already questioning why he kept the fake identity, which is truly the key to everything. Dom’s story might not have been entirely faithful to reality, but while Liz previously had no handle on the million questions strategically obscuring Red from full view – so she had no real chance to unmask him –, now her attention is focused on the one question that can lead her straight to the truth. Dom – unintentionally or not – gave her a shortcut. Red knows what this means and he is scared.

I think what we ultimately have here is a conflict of true love and calculated/manipulative behavior that’s wrapped together to serve a semi-obscured mission motivated by a semi-obscured past. With Liz, Red has a second chance, a chance to right things he did wrong with Katarina -- but only if he is willing to adjust his behavior and start treating her as a real partner.

#lilyinspiration #tbl spec #tbl spoilers #long post

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shrimpcolour · 5 years ago

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answer them all coward

take two after closing the tab when i was almost done w every question im gonna fucking lose my shit

angel; do you have a nickname?

people call me nicknames but i hate any variation of taylor

awe; how old are you?

baby; favorite color?

lilac

bloop; spirit animal?

kitten

blossom; favorite book/movie/song?

Fahrenheit 451 im1 shes so man matchbox 20

blush; what was your stuffed animal as a child?

my lamby who i still sleep w everynight bc i am baby

breeze; most precious childhood memory?

getting told i can keep my cats

bright; mermaids or fairies?

fairies all the way

bubbles; do you have a best friend?

not so sure i do

buttercup; showers or baths?

shower

butterfly; dream destination?

anywhere outside of the us

buttons; are you religious or spiritual?

no but i wish i was

calm; favorite scent?

vanilla

candlelight; what did you dream about last night?

some fuckshit on the beach

charming; have you ever been in love?

yes

cozy; eye/hair color?

blue/brown

cuddly; what’s your favorite time period?

time is fake

cupcake; favorite flower/plant?

hibiscus

cute; what did you get on your last birthday?

money like a lot

cutie pie; most precious item you own?

my kitten lucifer but saying i own him sounds weird

cutsie; what makes you happy?

jillie

daisies; describe a moment when you felt free.

i cant remember

daydream; how do you want to be remembered?

i want to be remembered as nice? kind? please .

daylight; favorite album of all time?

kindly now by keaten henson

dear; zodiac sign?

scorpio

delightful; concerts or museums?

concerts but i love museums

dimples; have you ever written a letter?

yes but i didnt send it

dobby; dream job?

something that has to do w art

doll; how do you like to dress?

i like to dress in a cute button up and jeans but that doesnt happen

dovey; any paranormal/magical experiences?

no but i wish so bad

dreams; do you want or have any tattoos?

yes i want many tattoos and on my 18th im going w my dad to get one

drizzle; do you believe in aliens?

fuck yeah

euphoric; talk about someone you love.

i love my sister so much she is my literal will to live she is so fukcing funny and happy and just UGHHH shoutout to kaylleee

fairy; do you have a pet?

yes i have two cats, boots and lucifer, and a dog named finn

fluffy; ocean or mountain?

ocean is where its at

forever; where do you feel time stop?

the park near me at night

froglet; are you a good plant owner?

sadly not

garden; how many languages do you know?

one bc im weak

gem; who are your favorite tumblrs?

not tagging them but like . cmon . yk

giggles; what is your aesthetic of choice?

that warm cozy library aesthetic ? i love that

glittery; do you like anons? why/why not?

i love them bc it gives me the opportunity to talk to ppl who are too scared to talk to me (please dont be scared of me)

glow; list the top 5 things you like about yourself

my eyes my hair my sense of humor my friends my socks

heart; silk or lace?

silk

honey; coffee or tea? how do you take it?

coffee w almond milk

hugsy; do you enjoy people watching or bird watching more? why?

people watching bc i like to give everyone a story in my head

hunnybunch; what sounds help you sleep?

melatonin LMAO

jewel; what’s your favorite kind of weather?

rainy and cold

jiggly; what do you usually like to do on weekends?

sleep my life away

joy; do you laugh loudly or giggle more?

loud laugh baeby

kinky; do you blush easily?

i dont think so

kisses; what romantic cliché do you wish for most?

that friends to lovers mutual pining takes a little bit to realize what they want is right in front of them i love that

kitty; what’s your favorite time of the day?

1am-8am

ladybug; what’s your favorite artist to listen to when you’re sad?

keaten henson

love; what is your favorite season and why?

fall bc the weather and the holidays and my job ITS ALL TOO GOOD

lovey; what is your favorite flavor of macaron and ice cream?

i have never had a macaron but i love oreo iceceram

magic; what are five flaws you have?

i overthink AND underthink at the same time like what a dumbass bitch, i doubt myself, i am not so bright, i am too loud around ppl im comfortable with and i am selfish sometimes

moonlight; do you prefer soft pastels, warm neutrals, or cool darks?

i like all of them it depends on my mood

munchkin; what do you look for in your significant other?

i dont really look?

paddywack; how would you describe a perfect date?

minecraft and sweatpants

pebbles; how do you spend free time by yourself?

on minecraft or on here or just like . sitting

precious; what is something valuable that you learned in your life?

dont judge a book by its cover is so fucking cliche but like . you gotta learn it

pretty; do you like to cook or bake more?

cook baeby

prince; how would you describe your handwriting?

lazy oops

princess; do you play any instruments? if not, are there any you wish you could play?

i played the flute when i was like 10

prinky; how do you relieve stress?

scream

pumpkin; what is your favourite kind of fruit/vegetable?

strawberry/sweet pepper

rainbow; what was the last line of the last book you read?

“so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past”

roses; what is the most significant event in your life so far?

my sister being born

smile; what is one thing that has greatly affected you?

the loss of all my friends bc im fucking stupid. thats the one.

shine; art or music?

both

shimmer; do animals tend to like you?

they do

smitten; do you collect anything?

i collect disney pins

smoochies; how many pillows do you sleep with?

one? two?

snuggle; what is your favourite candy?

kitkats

snuggly; do you have a camera? if so, what kind?

i do but i dont know what kind and idk where it is

sparkle; do you wear jewelry?

i wear earrings and a necklace sometimes

spooky; sunrise or sunset?

sunset

sprinkles; do you like to listen to music with headphones or no headphones?

with head phones but too loud so you can probably hear it without

starlight; what was your favourite show as a child?

hannah montana baeby

soft; describe your favourite spot in your house.

my bed. it has so many blankets and its quiet bc of the AC and it has my favorite things

soothe; digital or vinyl?

digital

squeezed; who do you miss right now?

my best friend francesca like a lot

sugary; what traits do you value most in friends?

loyalty

sunshine; do you prefer for things to be practical or aesthetically pleasing?

practical?

sweet; do you find it easy to open up?

no i dont think ive ever completely opened up if im being honest

sweetie; do you like kids? if so, do you ever want to have any?

i do! i want two kids!

thimble; is there somebody you look up to? who are they?

this is gonna sound so fucking dumb but i really look up to jenna mourey/jenna marbles

toot; what is something you find unique about yourself?

idk man im quite basic

tootsie; what kind of friend are you?

im very loyal but i tend to hold a grudge so like . thats an issue

treasure; what was something that made you smile today?

tina made me laugh shoutout to tina

velvet; are you an early bird or a night owl?

night owl

whiffle; if you could have a magical power, what would it be?

invisibility baeby

whimsical; do you prefer doing stuff at home or going out?

home home

whiskers; do you usually wear makeup?

no but i like doing it

wiggly; are you a messy or tidy person?

messy oops

wispy; do you like the place where you grew up? do you think you will live there when you get older?

i like my town but i dont think i wanna lvie here

wobbly; have you ever wished upon a star?

yes i have

#cheers i did it after almost losing my mind #if anyone reads any of this i am sorry and you get a gold star #driftingbarnes

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seojvns · 6 years ago

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everything you didn’t care to know about seojun yoon.

basic statistics.

full name: seojun yoon.

nickname: jun, junnie, seo.

how'd they get it?: they’re just... variations of his name...

age: twenty one.

date of birth: april 27th.

zodiac: taurus.

gender: male.

sexual orientation: pansexual.

when did they realize this?: around the age he started being interested in people. it’s never been something he’s struggled with, it’s jus how things were/are.

nationality: american.

hometown: daejeon, south korea.

current residence: cortland, wisconsin.

occupation: freelance photographer.

for how long?: umm, probably since high school?? he started out doing it for free, to build his resume, and over time he began building it into something he could actually make money from. not much, but !! getting paid for doing something he loves?? really couldn’t ask for more than that.

do they like his/her job?: obvs!!! does he wish he could have a lot more clients?? ya, but he’s patient and he’s got the time.

salary: mm, depends on the job but probably anywhere from $150-250/job.

family.

any significant ancestors?: ummmm, no.

grandparents (describe relationship): he was really close to his grandmother, on his mom’s side, who passed away a few years ago. he’s close to his grandfather from that side too, but he’s a bit old fashioned in his views and sometimes conversations are... not really something he can take much from. but he likes his company, and overall they have a good relationship. his grandparents on his father’s side both died before he really got a chance to even know them.

aunts/uncles (describe relationship): there’s definitely a distance. when he was younger, he’d see more of them, and his cousins too, but as he grew up... it became less of a tradition his parents and his aunts/uncles bothered to keep up with. he sees them at family gatherings, usually around holidays, but that’s about it.

parents (describe relationship): there’s a lot of distance between him and his parents. his father’s always been distant, even at a young age he wasn’t very invested in seojun. but he’d buy him things, assuming that was a decent enough way to show his ‘love,’ but it only made seojun resentful of the money he tried to use in an attempt to get out of actually caring or showing interest. his mother, on the other hand, cared. but only when he was young. from the time he was adopted, at age five, until about eleven. after that she became more disinterested in him. she also started nitpicking him a lot?? like no snacks, finding a poem and critiquing it, etc. support wasn’t something he was given, which is why he’s become such a desperate lil people pleaser.

are they still together?: yes, yep.

what is the character's family life like: it was really lonely growing up, cause even if everyone was home they’d all be off doing their own things. usually seojun was in his room writing, or out exploring and taking photos. he probably would’ve found his way to his hobbies regardless, but their neglect definitely encouraged him to explore them in a way he might not have done much sooner.

what does their family love most about them?: hmm, probably his manners. he’s a good boy and he’d never embarrass them or anything when they drag him to events or parties, so, yeah!

hate?: they see him as too shy, and lacking of a personality, but really that’s just because they’ve kind of made him feel like he should just keep quiet and do what he’s told :/ and that’s exactly what he does.

does the family have a specific set of values?: his parents are very much the type of people who want everything to look perfect on the outside, and not care much about how they actually are on the inside.

what would their family be described like by another person?: reserved, well put together, successful.

have they ever had any pets?: he did! he had a dog, a samoyed, which he got from his parents for his seventh birthday. his name was ghost,, original, i know!

what happened to them?: he died a few years ago :/ it was a rly rough time for jun, who basically had him throughout his entire childhood.

relationships.

are they a virgin?: umm, nope.

how did they lose it?: i’m embarrassed just thinkin abt it.

have they ever cheated on a partner?: never would he ever!!!

has a partner ever cheated on them?: probably.

how did they react?: better question - did he ever find out? doubtful.

who was their first crush?: hard to say :/ he gets a new crush everyday :/

are they in any kind of romantic relationship?: no!!

how serious/relaxed is it?: hmph.

describe the relationship with their current partner: this is... pointless...

how did they meet?: why ask so many questions based on the POTENTIAL of him bein in a relationship...

who made the first move?: prob not seojun in any situation ... he’s not very bold

how does your character truly feel about their partner?: this.... is so redundant...

when did they realize this?: thank u, next!

who is your characters closest friend?: minnie uwu

how did they meet?: umm they’ve been bffs for as long as seojun can remember okay!!! so how they met is just one of those things he doesn’t... rly remember bc it feels like he’s known her his WHOLE entire life, u know??

why do they get along so well?: because they’re both cute and soft and they just vibe together well ok,, why question these things?? there’s been so many late nights up talking about anything n everything, so many heartbreaks that she’s been there for, so many adventures they’ve had n have yet to have... she’s his other half!!! <333

describe relationship with any other significant friends: adrian’s one of the most important ppl to him ?? like ever?? cause he’s jun’s best friend but also a lot more than that. even though they can’t seem to get things right, he’s always gonna have feels for adrian. kian......... gross where do i even begin!!!! seojun would literally die for kian. he’s more than his roomie ok seojun’s so disgustingly attached that no matter what kian did he’d never leave his side lmao #dedicated. jiwon is who seojun would be if he could choose his life sjfsfks she’s jus so,, uwu perfect n everything he aspires to be. he LUVS her even tho she can lowkey be a lil scary?? not in like a way that he’s legit scared but like... she can be intimidating a lil bit. rt if u agree

favorites.

favorite foods: sushi, korean fried chicken, fries.

least favorite food: black licorice, celery.

favorite colors: pale yellow and light pink.

least favorite color: whatever the fuck u call the color blue that tumblr chose for the new bg color fksdjfs

music: pop, r&b.

literature: mysteries!!

smell: honeysuckles, bonfires, fresh bread.

feeling: affection uwu

season: autumn.

pets: dogs, but... he loves cats too :/

place: hmm, he’s really drawn to the woods?? like when he was younger he’d go into the woods with his camera and a book and just spend all fucking day out there. there’s something really peaceful about it ?? and there’s just so much to experience... the woods jus make him soft, k??

favorite sport(s): huh

possession this character values most: his camera!!!!!!!! his journals filled with poems about everyone he knows.

why is it so important to them?: um, his camera is p obvious?? his poetry filled journals, well, that’s p obvious too. he doesn’t want to forget how he felt in the moments where he was inspired to write whatever he wrote.

physical characteristics.

height: 5′8′‘.

weight: 130 lbs.

body build: slim.

eye color: brown.

glasses or contact lenses?: contact lenses, but sometimes he’ll wear his glasses when he’s feelin’ lazy.

hair color: naturally it’s black, but he prob keeps it either light pink or blond.

scent: tbh idk what to answer for this, describing someone’s natural scent... hard.

voice: he’s got a soft voice :/

mannerisms: says ‘um’ and ‘uh’ too much, whining about nothing, watching anything/everything with subtitles, turns the tab on a soda can sideways.

style: comfy clothing mostly?? like loose fitting tops and form fitting bottoms.

how do they walk?: like a fucking model tbh???

what are their nervous tics: he’s blushing 99% of the time tbh,, nose scrunches, averting his gaze

usual body posture: umm, i’d say he’s got p good posture?? idk,,

preferred clothing.

underwear: boxer briefs babey!

shirts: loose!! t-shirts, flannels, hoodies. anything oversized.

pants: usually black jeans, like, 9 times out of 10.

skirts: nah.

jackets: more oversized shit.

shoes: prob jus black boots?

accessories: earrings, rings, make up. make up isn’t an accessory rly but i dunno where else to put that so yayuh that’s a thing.

formal wear: umm he’s a classic black suit kinda guy, prob w a bowtie, idk.

sleeping wear: t-shirts and boxer briefs,, do ppl ... actually have real pajamas? like in real life?

swimming wear: swim trunks ig?? weird question but ok.

intellectual/mental/personality attributes and attitudes.

did they go to school?: ya, duh.

where?: west bridge!!!

what did they learn?: he’s studying photography :-)

what were their grades like?: uh, they’re alright... could be better... he wants to do better but his focus is usually just... anywhere but where it should be. so he procrastinates, and turns in things late a lot, and still is trying to do better.

native language: korean.

do they know any other languages?: english.

how smart are they?: not... very... both book smart and street smart.

what is their strengths?: creativity, generosity, compassion.

weaknesses?: time management, insecurity, awareness.

character's short-term goals in life: don’t go to jail, pass all classes.

character's long-term goals in life: have a lil photography studio and live happily ever after uwu

how does your character see themselves?: umm, he’s self aware enough to know that he’s kind of sheepish?? he feels like he’s probably awkward in,, so many situations, rip, but he tries his best to not be too weird skfjs

how does your character believe they are perceived by others?: as a soft boy who wants to be everyone’s friend?? hopefully??

how self-confident is your character?: UM LOL NOT AT ALL

what makes their self-confidence waver?: everything,, he just never feels like he’s good enough?? prob because of his mom’s nitpicking, his parents’ lack of interest generally, and the fact that he just has a low self esteem overall.

what would embarrass your character the most?: being put on the spot about anything, having too much attention, falling for someone who doesn’t like him.

how does your character feel about love: he!! loves love!!! he rly thinks that there’s someone out there for everyone... maybe not in a ~soulmates~ sense, but he thinks that companionship is a big part of happiness.

about crime: he doesn’t commit crimes... often... but if he does it’s because he can be talked into almost anything.

people of a different sexuality?: loves everyone, thanks.

different nationality/race?: loves everyone, thanks.

how does your character show affection/love?: listening to them n remembering things they’re told, hand holding, doing literally anything they ask.

how does your character handle grief? not well. especially in the case of manon, which has left him with a terrible sleeping pattern and the heavy feeling of guilt.

what are they like when they cry?: prob like really dramatic,, like cry a lot while curled up in his bed under the covers kinda cry.

what can make them cry?: betrayal, loss, anxiousness, stress.

how does your character handle physical pain?: not well, he probably whines a lot and pouts even more.

emotional pain?: even worse. he’s so forgiving that even if someone hurt him emotionally, he’d forgive them, but he’d probably be lowkey sad (but in a self blame kind of way) about it for awhile.

is your character typically a leader or a follower?: big time follower.

what kind of energy level does your character typically display?: soft, upbeat,

describe their sense of humor: prob either lame or softly sarcastic.

hobbies: takin pics, writing poems, making playlists for people that’ll never hear them, watching shows instead of studying.

talents: ...takin pics, writing poems, making playlists for people that’ll never hear them...

extremely unskilled at: focusing! and sports.

if any, what musical instruments can they play?: piano :-)

emotional characteristics.

how does the character relate to others?: through soft interactions and deep conversations. he’s pretty honest and open, so if someone asks him something, or even just talks to him, chances are he’s being as open with them as he would be with his close friends.

how does the character deal with anger?: not well, but when he’s angry, he’s usually more upset than angry? and he wants to resolve things as quickly as possible, otherwise he’s stressed abt it until it’s fixed.

with sadness?: listens to sad music and cries in the shower. drama queen.

with conflict?: he’s always the first to apologize.

with change?: he’s actually pretty adaptable for the most part?? but if it were like a major change, maybe not as good.

with loss?: ummm, could be better!! probably gets a lil distant when he’s dealing with a loss.

what does your character want out of life?: happiness :/

what would your character like to change in his/her life?: the whole manon thing JFKLSF

what motivates your character?: his future, or at least the ideal future he has in mind for himself.

what frightens your character?: the fact that they could get caught for covering up a murder perhaps??? terrifying.

are they afraid of the dark?: ...yes, but he acts like he isn’t cause he’s embarrassed.

death?: not really?? like he doesn’t WANT to die or anything, but he’s not afraid of death.

what makes your character happy?: listening to good music, giving people things that make him think of them, the photo editing process.

sad?: being alone, the fact that his parents never care to check up on him, films where the main couple doesn’t end up together.

angry?: people being rude to his friends, being lied to, unnecessarily passive aggressive people.

aroused?: neck kisses, being called baby, someone who’s rly direct and just kind of... does what they want skjfsl

annoyed?: people who speak over other people.

guilty?: covering up a potential murder, turning things in late, lying.

is your character judgmental of others?: no. even if he doesn’t agree with their opinions/things they do he still tries to refrain from judgment.

is your character generous or stingy?: generous af.

is your character generally polite or rude?: polite!! angel boy.

optimistic or pessimistic?: optimistic.

introvert or extrovert?: lil bit of both??

daredevil or cautious?: cautious.

logical or emotional?: emotional lmao.

disorderly and messy or methodical and neat?: he thinks he’s methodical and neat but he’s actually disorderly and messy.

would they rather be working or relaxing?: working, even though he thinks he’d rather be chillin he’s kind of terrible at doing nothing.

how do they feel about animals?: um... he loves them?? he’s the kind of person that’d accidentally let a raccoon in his house and let it stay.

what is their best quality?: his sincerity.

what is their biggest flaw?: how trusting he is.

#sjflskf what do i even tag this as #about.#u kno those myspace surveys ppl used to do #like in bulletin boards?#that's kinda what this felt like #v relaxing

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batsysims · 6 years ago

Photo

didnt wanna do an actual Simself Edit™ so have an arrested development reference

anyways

i was tagged by @0cherub & i tag any1 who hasnt done this yet bc who doesnt like answering 125 questions abt themselves oh also @flavortowne im forcing you to do this sry

get to know me tag

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? its batsy dont worry abt it

2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? its batsy dont worry abt it

3. BIRTHDAY? september 15

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES? what?? are books

5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? ye both

6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? ummmm idk lmfao i havent “read” a “book”” in like 5 years

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? 35 & 36 on sirius are like basically the exact same station but that doesnt mean i dont constantly alternate between the two whenever im near a radio

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? pink is a v trustworthy flavor

9. WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? *owen wilson voice* wrow

10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? what kinda question is this wt f ive currently reobsessed myself w marina and the diamonds so honestly any of her discography

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? idk any words :^/ sry

12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? wheels on the bus im exhausted

13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? man in the high castle. man in the high castle. man in the high ca

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN? clerks al;dksfjf

15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? almost exclusively sims and fallout but every once in a while some indie game i find on steam so. yea

16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? never doing anything in my life and having nothing 2 look forward to!! yay

17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? probably my resiliency, maybe?? idk

18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? my habit of allowing bad things to happen to me lol

19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? cats but im sorta kinda indifferent 2 both i think i might 1 of the 5 ppl on earth who dont like having pets

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? summer and fall

21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? yea

22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? not being lazy lmfao

23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? @flavortowne eye emoji

24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? blue

25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? its natural brown but im thinkn abt going either red or blonde again

26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? like 3 ppl irl and everyone on discord u guys legit

27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? my person and @flavortowne eye emoji

28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? tom hardy. what is his end goal

29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? tbh going 2 basic lmfao im!! lame

30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? as of right now,, spiderverse lol

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? teletubbies was fckn legit and so was old school spongebob

32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? my person

33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? im not superstitious,,, but i am a little stitious

34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? i cant deal w fishing poles idk

35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT? in front babey

36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? sims or stitching play foods 4 the kid to use on her play kitchen

37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? stop asking book questions

38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? spiderverse yeye

39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? piano & i try 2 pretend i know what im doing w a ukulele

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? stingrays :^)

41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? legit all my mutuals

42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? i had an oc that could read ppls memories like a scrapbook if he touched them and i always honestly thought that was. cool

43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? in my house!! the door b locked bitch!!!!

44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? toddler being an idiot toddler

45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? its not really,, a sport,, but i bike

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? cream soda in those glass bottles is top tier non-alcoholic beverage

47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? i wrote a letter 2 my person telling him he was an idiot and by the time it was mailed 2 his house i was already living there lol

48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? nah

49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? either ppl blowing vape in my face or holding something so close to my face i cant see i just go ballistic

50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? nope unless u count a sesame street liveshow like 10 years ago

51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? nope!

52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? a cop lmfao

53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN? this is horrible but the setting of new vegas i just feel like id be at home there, w the radiation and constant danger and dehydration

54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? the kid

55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? only when im looking in the mirror adlkfj start thinkn abt a different face showing up instead of mine idk

56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? yea

57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? skipped a whole year adlfkj

58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? this is basic but i miss the tri-state area

59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? this is basic but i miss nj

60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? yea :^/ a dog, a cat, and uhhhh 14 fish

61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? night owl but honestly im just always tired

62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER? sunsettttt

63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? i do

64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? headphones. they just work

65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? nah but i need em

66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? i listen to everything tbh

67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? michael cera

68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? i used to read them religiously but not so much any more. i am reading the TAZ graphic novel tho

69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? having to repeat myself 20 times. or being an idiot when i wanna start a new hobby

70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? idk how to read

71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? honestly i had a blast in econ and my law enforcement class

72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? a bro, another sibling, and a half-bro

73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? food lmfao

74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? every time i measure myself im 5′2″ but the government insists that i am 5′3″ so w/e

75. CAN YOU COOK? yeap

76. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? alcohol, bike riding, wearing stupid makeup

77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? ppl holding me back, bird box, when my nail breaks before i can file it so its all oglee

78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? uh idk?? i dont have,, many,,,, friends

79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? bi

80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? sc :’^(

81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? my brother

82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? 2 nights ago the kid pistol whipped me in the chin w her phone and it just hurt so bad it legit made me lose it

83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? ok this is dumb as shit the kid is obsessed w Blippi and i have a mom crush on him afdslfkjs

84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? ye

85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP? i am currently obsessed w L.O.L. Surprise! Pop but all in all probs Pocket Camp

86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE? bad as parents but theyre fine now that im an adult and they have a grandkid they can like

87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? i dont like a majority of them lmfao but idk maybe uh?? irish

88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT? rly wanna go to nevada but im moving to the mojave soon anyways so

89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 15

90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? nope

91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? i was raised christian but i dont rly give a shit abt any of that

92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OR THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? outer space my dood the ocean is dumb and scary

93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? im jus livin my life

94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? i mean. im lactose intolerant but thats abt it

95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? nope

96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? no

97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? when im wrong abt something

98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? forest ig bad choices

99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? i dont think i was ever given advice, ever. maybe thats why im like this

100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? idk i try not 2 lie unless its like. an obvious exaggeration for the lols

101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? wtf idk ok i just did one of those quizzes & im a slytherin?? what does that mean

102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? yeah

103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? more of an introvert but im ok w going out there if i gotta

104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? i keep one for the kid but thats abt it

105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? nah. unless it was something stupid like burning food like im not gonna ban u from the kitchen

106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? if theres an id i guess mail it 2 the address on there?? idk ive never just. found a wallet. i think this happens a lot less than all the hypotheticals make it out to be

107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? if theyre dedicated to it. i dont think ppl can just do it over night and i dont think its ever a 100% change

108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? dont touch me

109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? Yep

110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? 2 in both ears but thats it

111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? spidr...mna

112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? no :^( once im cleared for them tho deffo

113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? i hate that this is the answer but enlisting adlfkjs

114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? yeah ig??

115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? glasses

116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? 2 late

117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? we all b stupit

118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? idk?? i get embarrassed but also get over it quick so like. idk

119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? yea

120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOU CLOTHES? black & red

121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? mhm

122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? i was on nickelodeon back when they had those cuts to the Live Studio Audience™

123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 21

124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? “I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.”

125. DO YOU PREFER SWEET OR SAVORY FOODS? savory i almost never eat anything sweet

#get to know me tag #now that ive posed this i wanna get back in2 making pose packs sigh

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frdknsll-blog · 6 years ago

Text

imagine the most serious character you know

now imagine them getting scared by the toaster going off as they walk by

⋆ ◦ ° ☾ joel kinnaman + male + he/his — have you met ford kinsella? they are thirty eight years old known around town as the bodyguard. they’ve been in the gang life for fifteen years, and currently work for the gang as a soldier. they are a pansexual virgo, which means they are practical + observant, as well as harsh + inflexible. rusty metal crow bar, beech forest in the winter, messages on read.

BIO:

born in valdez. his crackhead mom named him ford because she found him in the boot of a ford fiesta whilst she was robbing it. he was a one way ticket to claim some golden benefits.

had a string of men come in and out of their home like a revolving door who were just as bad as her or worse. ford was still protective of his mum, despite all her shit, and he paid for it.

grew up in a lil trailer park in some dodgy area. a real small community. guy ritchie snatch vibes. he heard stories of kids at school playing ball in the garden but the kids from the trailers fought each other for fun.

he only knew the difference bc he actually went to school. occasionally. he enjoyed learning and thought he’d be able to get on the right path. rip. kept to himself at school, quiet. never threw the first punch but his first was always the last.

the community attempted to overthrow the ‘monsters’ that controlled valdez. stupid.

resulted in one big throw down betw the two groups on ford’s home ground. by the time the caito’s gang were finished - mind you it didn’t take them long - the majority of the ppl ford grew up with were either dead, in the back of police cars, or on the run...

at the age of nineteen, he was thrown into jail. had already gone to juvie a few times. after he’d established his reputation as someone that didn’t like being started on bc it meant he had to finish them? it wasn’t too bad. he got to read, smoke, and read more.

one night, he’d saved the life of a guy who’d been cornered by some inmates. turns out he was the son of a guy pretty high up in the gang. he offered a ‘get out of prison’ card to ford but he declined. the outside world didn’t appeal to him.

until news reached him that the gang had found his girlfriend. immediately he asked to be let out. it took a while but by the time he got out things weren’t how he expected.

she was too far gone. a splitting image of his mother. when he found out that they had a kid, and that the kid was no where to be found, he thought it’d be the end of their relationship. but he couldn’t bring himself to give up on her.

she was a hooker and he’d spent his days trying to protect her, save her from herself. until one day it all got too much and he drove himself mad. a customer laid hands on her and ford murdered him.

caito and his gang came to ford’s protection. but everything came at a price. he began working for the gang officially and it only felt natural to do so - he couldn’t find a job anywhere else, and since his release he’d been doing small jobs to get by here and there.

she died from an overdose not long after. we don’t talk about it.

now he mostly works as a guard to the escorts/strippers. and the odd job here and there during the day. he prefers working on his own.

PERSONALITY:

he’s not angry. or sad. or anything. he’s just tired and pretty over it.

not a man of many words. talks with his eyes and incoherent grumbles: stop talking, step away, can you pass me the salt, this coffee is too hot, do you want my jacket, are you okay...

one cool, calm, collected, callous, cold c*nt. all the c’s. oh and a clean freak.

doesn’t get drunk, doesn’t do drugs. what a bore. v strict with himself. has a set of rules and sticks to them, expects others to do the same or at least respect them.

v patient but has zero tolerance. no manners, raised by rabid dogs lbr.

has a 2g phone. seriously a granddad. likes quiet, peace, serenity. wants to get things done as quickly and as cleanly as possible. doesn’t actually like having to resort to violence but it’s rly the only thing he knows.

likes wood carving. has a collection of ornaments he’d carved. honestly would probably even like knitting if he’d give it a chance tbh.

has just learned to detach himself from everything. lowkey dissociating half the time. honestly has no sense of humour.

super private. u aint gettin anything out from him about his past or personal life. loljk he has no personal life.

POTENTIAL PLOTS:

he doesn’t rly have friends. ppl he’s used to maybe. ppl who understands he likes his space and the way he works. fellow soldiers that just like to get the job done? not sure how long that’ll last bc we lov begrudging friendships in this house.

pls gimme ppl that will annoy the heck out of him. leon and matilda vibes. he’s a baby sitter lbr.

he ain’t no ho but he still got needs. one night stands onli. feel like he used 2 fuck ppl in the gang but has made a rule not to anymore cos he cbf for messiness. (we’ll see)

someone that is able to get him to him maybe? bring out the fire in him, make him lose his shit bc when he does he loses his control. and he likes being in control of himself. hence no drinking 2 much.

enemies - anyone who’s a bit psycho and trigger happy, he ain’t gonna get on with u. i feel like he’s sent on jobs to keep them lot in check.

someone that can actually get him to talk? they could have nice simple random conversations about absolutely nothing but will take a certain character (iono what that is yet pls i’m useless)

if you’ve made it this far then i’m sorry. it’s obvious i just have no idea whAT IM DOIN AND IONO Y U CARRY ON WIT THIS MESS OF A RAMBLE.

if u wanna plot like this post and i’ll message u :D or if u wanna message me first that’s grand too >:))))

#valdez.intro #tw death #tw addiction #tw drugs #tw murder #tw violence #tw abuse #tw imsobadatintroskillme #this took me far 2 long #imm #a stop editing it n0w

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butchbobbyhill · 3 years ago

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I HATE MICHIGAN BUT I GUESS ILL STAY HERE

I’ve been adhd glued to the couch for hours I’m gonna take Ruby for a walk!

My mental illness claws itself out of the gutters we keep going and surviving. I did watch good documentaries. One was Transformer, a doc about Janae Kroc, a transwoman from ypsi Michigan, who was a professional body builder. I can’t believe I’m living in a time where I can see someone from Michigan transition.

I’ve met so many trans people in Detroit and literally all of my former friend group in high school ended up trans. Like we are really out here and it’s amazing to see. But also I hate lichigan and want to leave, but fear I’ll keep running from *small town/state fear of becoming nothing* and lose out on great community bc I always dreamt of the real world being in LA or New York New York New York. And I feel the farther a that ppl get from my hometown that I hate talking about being from thinking of is chicago and I would even settle for there bc I LOVE chicago even tho I am totally falling out of love with cities as a concept. Like yes I love living in the city, I’m living my dream, I wish it wasn’t COVID so I can go wild and not deal with my debilitating self isolation suicidal ideation. But I’m living with my dog! I’m on T! I actually have a relationship with my mom and aunt and older sister while transitioning! I haven’t talked to my younger sisters explicitly about it (I’ve been like “im a they them. Im a brother) or my grandma about it and those are the people I’m the most nervous about. Im really thinking about telling my grandma around Christmas tho. Because I want an authentic relationship with her. I think she will yell or say something about being disappointed in me. Im afraid she will think I’m a pervert. She is from El Salvador, she is a catholic grandma even tho she’s dealt with like an immigrant grandmas worst nightmare: teen pregnancy, another child who was like a literal punk party kid, and then raising two grand children who were just Sad Kids. I know it will be hard for her to understand but I just can’t live without her love. I have always suppressed myself to be easy to raise because two women trying to raise two kids is so challenging. I always said I had two moms growing up because my grandmother raised me. I feel like a sibling to my mom sometimes. And I always wanted to do well to take care of them. I’m so afraid of losing her love because she’s said some terrible things to me. She slapped my mom when my mom told her she was pregnant as a teen. I think I’m gonna write a letter explaining transness. I’m gonna remind her of how much I love her and that all I want is for her to be proud of me. And then I’m gonna leave immediately and maybe just double mask it or triple mask it at the club but I physically need to go dancing. I might not go at all and dance alone at home but yeah after Christmas ill try to stay away for a bit to give hee time. I also need to stock up on t tho and actually get seen in Detroit. I will hopefully upgrade my car in 2022 bc that was the WORST impulse decision of 2021 when I had money. Im gonna work hard at massage and also get a chiro to fuck my back up right and then maybe I’ll get top surgery and bulk up and work out and not be the SCRUBBIEST of scrubs because all of these beautiful bois out here and I am just a bundle of mess. Idk glow up is coming love is coming and my grandma WILL get over it when I’m the prettiest boy alive.

Anyway I think I want to stay in this area for 5 years. As a home base. My sisters will be 12/13 when I leave ? (This is to say if I don’t get to go somewhere abroad hopefully during my academic career because what the actual fuck am I going to college for if not that) but like weather and global warming scare the fuck out of me so staying in Michigan is a good plan. Buying land in Michigan is a good plan. Building a trans commune in Michigan is a good plan. I just really really never wanted to stay in Michigan and I feel I’m trying to convince myself to stay. But reality is putting my dream here, the ability here, the opportunity here, and I should take it while I can. Hopefully travel is in my future later. Please. All I’ve ever wanted was to try and get far away from the places of pain. See the beautiful things others could see. Travel and roam freely. And I can barely get out of my body sometimes. I’ve spent so much of my childhood just in rooms or mental institutions just waiting and waiting and waiting. And now I feel like I’m waiting for acceptance, for a full transition that will never come, for apologies that will never come, for closure that will never come. For healing that will never come. For satisfaction that will never come. Resolution is not real, I’m learning. Everything is unending

So maybe I can just jump into the middle of being a hermit farmer in the state I was born in. I can claim one for myself and my friends and my family. I am unlearning the settler concepts of landownership and everything. My family is a history of migrants, and my fathers side is severed, so I’m learning from the Detroiters around me, and looking at severed and stolen ancestry. I’m trying to find connections and roots and look at what the land tells me. I’m trying to find my home.

Okay if you read this far I want to give you an energetic kiss, an e-kiss if you will. I hope healing is abound for us. We can build a better world. I’m trying to believe that I have a part in it.

#wow a journal #I’ve been unmedicated for maybe a month so this is rambles #but honestly you can talk to me about any of this if you can’t tell I’m speaking into the void and would like to hear an echo

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crowned-ladybug · 7 years ago

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okay literally four notes on that post was enough to encourage me to actually type about this bc my brain is tired and Doing Things and i’ve had this idea for a while anyway. oops.

Everyone in the stream freaks out when Anti first shows up, but he’s just here to be a pal and hang out, tho he’s a little anxious bc he doesn’t want ppl thinking he’s just sneakily trying to murder Seán or any of the egos

He stays for a while, leaves for a while, comes back again, leaves again, etc, etc, bc he doesn’t wanna glitch stuff out and the longer he stays the more chance there is that will happen. He leaves to take catnaps, drink tea, hop home and pet his and Dark’s dog, etc, then comes back again when he feels like he can

It’s not the best bc he can’t allow himself to get super hyped even tho he’d really want to but it’s better than nothing

Seán and Chase hang out like old friends and annoy everyone else with stupid memes. They team up a lot and always lose

Someone asks Chase how his kids are doing and he’s fuckin glowing when he gets to say that they’re doing well and happy

Jameson would love to be there but can’t bc most ppl wouldn’t understand him anyway, so he texts a lot and someone always reads it out so it’s a bit like he’s still there

He’s also hanging out and watching the stream with Shawn who has no idea how texting works and Jameson sometimes texts his shitty sarcastic comments too

Ppl keep asking Marvin to do magic but he refuses bc he doesn’t know how the camera would react and bc he’s scared of ppl freaking out over it or recording and overanalysing it

Jackie is kinda confused but very enthusiastic

He very happily takes part in all the games they play and loses like half the time but doesn’t care bc he’s having fun

He sees a viewer calling him cute and gets so flustered

Him and Marvin have a lot of trouble not acting super gay but they’re trying

Marvin is competitive as fuck and shouts and swears a lot whenever he loses at anything at all

He’s a big baby

Also a bit like Mark I guess

Except he swears in like ten languages as once. He has the fanciest, longest swears, and then one time he just goes “fuck!” and everyone Loses It

They get ppl talking about how they always knew Anti wasn’t really a bad guy and Anti gets So Happy

Schneep is busy working during most of the stream, and streams really aren’t something for Robbie, but they do get in a video call at some point. Robbie is very excited to get to say hi to so many people

They all get a lot of weird questions they just won’t answer

At some point Seán cheats at a game and Anti just picks him up from behind and moves him to the corner of the room, all of them laughing while it happens

Signe checks in on them sometime during the stream and they all greet her very enthusiastically

They play “never have i ever” bc it’s an old game okay but it’s good to play with ppl your audience doesn’t know that well and Marvin loses So Fucking Bad. There’s also a lot of directed ones. Marvin goes “never have i ever dressed up in fucking spandex and tried to save the world” and Jackie just pushes him off the couch with a straight face. Chase screams “aayyyyy” over all of the more outlandish ones until Anti says “never have i ever had kids” and Chase tells him to go fuck himself.

Someone asks Anti to do something scary and he just gives the cutest fucking “boo!” possible and then laughs

This is all I could think of off the top of my head but tbh this shit has a lot of potential

#antisepticeye #chase brody #marvin the magnificent #jackieboy man #jameson jackson #shawn flynn #dr schneeplestein #robbie the zombie #jacksepticeye #kata's chatter #headcanons #i never mentioned dark and anti getting a dog have i huh

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ssnoot · 7 years ago

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Someone tagged me in a “get to know me” tag thingy, and it’s long af but I’m gonna do it so now you’re all gonna know like 100 things you didn’t think you needed to know about me

What is your full name? Darian Storm Rehder

Are you named after anyone? Not that I know of

What does your name mean? I think it means queenly or wealthy or something and god I wish that were true about my life

Where are you from? I consider myself from Wellington, New Zealand or Missoula, Montana

Where do you live? Missoula

Where were you born? Missoula

Which of your parents are you closest to? I was closest with my dad

Which of your parents are you more like? I am more like my dad

What is your favorite drink? Vodka if we’re talking alcohol, if not, then milk or sprite

What is your favorite food? Steak or fries or salad

What is your favorite holiday destination? The ocean

What is your favorite childhood memory? I don’t honestly know, I barely remember my childhood. Probably just living in NZ

What is your favorite way to pass time? Listen to music or sing

What is your favorite snack? Chips or veggies or fruit

What is your favorite sport? Ice skating? Is that a sport?

What is your biggest regret? Letting myself be with people who continuously destroyed me

Are you a fan of any sports team? Nope

Are you a dog person or cat person? A both person

Are you scared of heights? Yes very scared of them. One time I went on a bridge high up over a canyon thingy and I couldn’t move so I just laid down in a ball in the middle of it until someone dragged me back to solid ground

At what age did you go on your first date? I think my first real date was when I was 15

What is an ideal first date for you? It was weird as fuck okay, I’ve talked about it a lot on here. There’s just a lot to say. Like how at one point I started crying into my steak during it

What is at the top of your bucket list? Uhhhhhhhh loving myself

What is something you are gifted at? Creative stuff, mostly writing

What is something you look for in a partner? Someone who is patient, understanding, and obsessed with me (not in like a weird way but enough in that I’m not the only person caring all the time)

What is something you wish you were gifted at doing? I wish I was better at singing, because I love it.

What is the one item you can’t leave home without? My butt (if I’m being serious though, probably my phone or my keys)

What is the best compliment you have ever received? I don’t honestly know. Like there’s been a lot of good ones, but I’m shit at remembering things.

What is the first book you remember reading? Warriors series!

What is the first movie you remember seeing? The first movie I saw in theaters was Nemo!

What is the last book you read? I’m reading a book rn that my girlfriend lent to me.

Do you like pets? I love pets

Do you have any pets? Ye I have a dog named Ayla

What is the name of your first pet? Buddy the cat (His full name was Sebastian)

What is your best physical feature? I’m not sure, a lot of ppl say I have a nice figure, like nice hips and a nice butt and stuff

What is your biggest accomplishment? Graduating high school and getting myself into college while simultaneously being homeless and losing all my friends

What is your eye color? Luxurious dirt

What is your favorite color? I like green, pink, and cosmic latte

What is your favorite fairytale? Idfk I wish there was a gay one

What is your favorite ice-cream flavor? Vanilla

What is your favorite music genre? Pop punk or alternative stuff

What is your favorite nickname? Megan calls me cow poo and I like it cuz there’s an inside joke behind it

What is your favorite quote? I can’t remember enough words to have one

What is your favorite type of clothing? I like stylish stuff, flowery printed stuff, and black clothes

What is your most commonly used swear word? Probably fuck

What is your star sign? Scorpio sun, libra rising, sagittarius moon

Do you have a best friend, if so, then who? Yeah her name is Harmony and she’s the besssttt

Do you have a tattoo? I have 3!!!

Do you have any allergies? Yeah I’m allergic to grass, nature, flowers, pollen, cotton, bees, cats, some soaps, and sometimes bright light makes me sneeze?/

Do you have any birthmarks? If so, where? I used to have one on my tum but I don’t think it’s there now. I also used to have one on my back but idk if that’s there still

Do you hold any convictions that you would be willing to die for? I don’t know. I think I’d die more for others than myself

Do you prefer kissing or cuddling? Tbh both are great, but I prefer making out bc I LOOOOOOVE how soft kissing is and like how you kinda just forget everything for a moment and it’s just you and another person

What piece of technology can you not live without? My phone

What was the first concert you ever attended? The Fray lmao

What was your favorite subject in High School? Writing

What was your first job? I was a courtesy clerk at a grocery store

What was your least favorite subject in High School? Math

What is the furthest you’ve ever been from home? I don’t know, like I visited America while I was in NZ and that was pretty fa r

What is your biggest fear? Loss. I have PTSD surrounding losing people so I have a very big fear of any kind of loss and sometimes convince myself that people I love are going to die.

When did you suffer your first heartbreak? I was like 14 and my girlfriend of 3 days said she didn’t love me lmao

When was the first time you were on a plane? When I was 2

When was the last time you cried? I cried tonight bc I was stressed about being an adult

When was the last time you got in a fist fight? I have never and I never will unless this one bitch I hate says something to me that’s mean in person

Who has left the most impact on your life? Myself

Who is the best teacher you ever had? I don’t know how to answer that, probably my 5th grade teacher cuz she really helped me improve in my writing

Who is the first person you call when something exciting happens? My best friend

Who is the first person you call when something horrible happens? My best friend

Who is your favorite musician? Rn I’m really diggin Janelle Monae but my favorite band of all time is Neck Deep

Who is your role model? I don’t think I have one tbh

Who was your first Boyfriend/Girlfriend? Her name was Bonnie

Who was your first Celebrity crush? Marina Diamandis

Who is your favorite actor? Idk names

Who is your favorite actress? Idk

Describe yourself in a single sentence? A bitch who has no clue what the fuck she is doing ever

Have you ever dated two people at the same time? Yes, but it was a poly relationship

Have you ever suffered a fracture? Ya I broke my elbow once

Have you ever visited a country outside your continent? Yes

How many Boyfriends/Girlfriends have you had? Like 20 I ain’t gonna count bc I did a while ago and I think it was around 20, if I was counting my current gf

How many relationships have you been in? Literally the above thing

If you could give your younger self any advice what would it be? Work on loving yourself sooner love

Last time you swam in a pool? Idk in the summer probably

What is your most embarrassing moment? Probably yesterday, idk my whole life is embarrassing and I don’t ever want to be looked at ever

On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest, rate your fashion sense? 10 af

On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest, rate your driving skills? hahah ask anyone who is not me and they’d probably be like 4 or 5 but I think it’s like a 8

On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest, rate your cooking skills? 8

On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest, how good a kisser are you? I haven’t kissed myself lmao, but most pppl I’ve kissed said I’m really good at it so 10?

One thing you know now that you wish you had known as a kid? People die and people change and people go away

The first app you check when you wake up in the morning? Messenger

What app do you use most? Messenger

What are some of your bad habits? Overthinking, not eating, not sleeping, and biting my nails

What are your favorite things about yourself? I’m creative, I’m thoughtful, I care about people a lot, and I have a big heart

What are your hobbies? Singing, playing piano, writing music, writing poetry, writing fiction, spending time w/ ppl I like, annnnnnd sleeping

What countries have you visited? US, New Zealand, Australia, Fiji

What countries would you like to visit? Any tbh

What do you consider unforgivable? Umm depends on my relationship with the person, but in like a romantic relationship I think that having an affair is mostly unforgivable and like obvious things like if they were a murderer or if they tried to ruin my life or something

What do you do for a living? Cry

#darian speaks #about me #long post

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yumikoflare · 7 years ago

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wowie this is a loooong meme - thanks for the tag @wildricebear more like wild loser bear...........

Rules: Answer all questions and tag 20 people. (putting it under the cut bc it’s 100+ questions!)

1. What is your nickname? i go by yumi! my rl nickname has the same amount of letters 🤔

2. What is your zodiac sign? aqua sun / scorp moon

3. What is your favorite book series? not gonna lie i havent read any book series in a looong time but my fav manga series is fukigen na mononokean!

4. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? ofc, i believe in both!

5. Who is your favorite author? errr i honestly don’t have one ahaha but sunrisesongs has some reaaaally nice poetry if that counts

6. What is your current favorite song? rn i’m a huuuge fan of kenshi yonezu’s suna no wakusei, namely the soramafu cover!

7. What is your favorite word? uhh don’t have one.. but the word ‘warmth’ has always struck a chord in me?

8. What was the last song you listened to? i think it was ra ra rasputin b/c someone at band was playing it on his phone LOL

9. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? i don’t watch tv oops ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ can’t think of anime recs either smhhh

10. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? i don’t watch movies if i’m feeling down but i remember enjoying the intern?

11. Do you play video games? mmm a little bit.. i play overwatch and sometimes osu and ive played a couple of mmorpgs here and there

12. What is your biggest fear? losing my purpose and passion

13. What is your best quality, in your opinion? i’m a good friend! i think that counts

14. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? my lack of patience and intolerance to trials

15. What is your favorite season? winter!!!!!!

16. Are you in a relationship? nah

17. What is something you miss from your childhood? honestly? i don’t miss much in particular from my childhood other than that Sweet Naive Bliss™ because things have been getting better in my life since then so

18. Who is your best friend? nizh, swirl, mari, gil, noah, sam, laura, kayla come to mind

19. What is your eye color? dark brown

20. What is your hair color? dark brown

21. Who is someone you love? all my friends...........

22. Who is someone you trust? the friends i listed earlier!!!

23. Who is someone you think about often? honestly as of recently myself bc im working on bettering myself LOL but other than that, i think of noah kinda often?

24. Are you currently excited about/for something? uuuuhhhh not particularly

25. What is your biggest obsession? currently overwatch

26. What was your favorite TV show as a child? probably spongebob aldsakdsla

27. Do you have any unusual phobias? mmmmmm not sure but my anxiety makes a lot of small things scary so

28. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? both!!!!

29. What is your favorite hobby? honestly not sure... i like writing but recently i’ve been very into photo and video editing so!!!

30. What was the last book you read? probably the hiding place

31. What was the last movie you watched? goosebumps i think? watched it at home w/ my mom bc she hadnt seen it before

32. What musical instruments do you play, if any? [[[the sound of me, panicked, aggressively slamming my mallets into a timpani can be heard in the distance]]]

33. What is your favorite animal? dogs.... i love dogs

34. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? hm i rly like yamiiino, kaiami, tofuvi, star-plasma, and zandraart!

35. What superpower do you wish you had? healing factor!!!

36. When and where do you feel most at peace? idk, whenever really, surrounded in my closest friends; either that or doing something i love alone

37. What makes you smile? my friends...... also getting praised......

38. What sports do you play, if any? FUNNY JOKE i cant sports

39. What is your favorite drink? hell....... i love lots of different types of teas (black, green, jasmine, honey, etc) and im also a sucker for matcha... and i also like ice blended drinks... and (virgin bc im underage) mojitos.... and smoothies.......... fdgkjkdf i love drinks a lot ok

40. Are you afraid of heights? yes 10000%

41. What is your biggest pet peeve? close-mindedness and intolerance to other ppl/ideas/etc + having to waste resources

42. Have you ever been to a concert? only one! was a mayday parade concert earlier this year

43. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? like everything LOL a singer and an author were prob my biggest ones tho

44. What fictional world would you like to live in? HONESTLY the fukigen na mononokean world would be cool to live in...

45. What is something you worry about? i simultaneously really like and dread band asdlsakdas

46. Are you scared of the dark? yup orz

47. Do you like to sing? heck yea!!!! singing is so good.....

48. Have you ever skipped school? no bc im a goody two-shoes™

49. What is your favorite place on the planet? i dunno! i don’t have one! the world’s so big there’s so many places i still have yet to go!!!

50. Where would you like to live? honestly idk i’m happy with where i am now LOL

51. Do you have any pets? i wish......... i want a doggo so bad but my sister and i are allergic

52. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? i don’t feel like either but i’m closer to a night owl

53. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? both..... the sky is a goddess and im in love with her.....

54. Do you know how to drive? i’m an anxious minor who is too afraid to get near the wheel LOL

55. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? headphones bc earbuds always fall outta my ears and its a Pain

56. Have you ever had braces? nope B)

57. What is your favorite genre of music? ummmmm i don’t have a fav bc i’m kinda flexible but i like alt rock? and j-rock/j-pop?

58. Who is your hero? to be completely honest idk if i have one LOL im my own hero™ B))))

59. Do you read comic books? nah

60. What makes you the most angry? probably the same as #41 as well as like myself?? bc i get frustrated with myself v often and that concept makes me angry asdsa;ldas

61. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? nizh wrote “i like real books but i’m so lazy that i’m more likely to read digital” and i am in agreement

62. What is your favorite subject in school? errrrrrrrr i suppose la? but i’m abt to enter some new classes and learn under totally new teachers so idk it’s bound to change!

63. Do you have any siblings? ye, one older sister

64. What was the last thing you bought? a flowy cardigan from yesterday!!!! im lov it.... i might post a pic of it

65. How tall are you? 5′1′’ and 3/8 sdfkjsdijeiwjeje

66. Can you cook? yo i wish..................

67. What are three things that you love? my friends, music, food/drinks LOL

68. What are three things that you hate? same as #41 and a third thing would prob be conflict?? idk

69. What is your sexual orientation? as far as i know i experience no sexual attraction (asexual) and i experience romantic attraction to anyone and everyone (panromantic) so!

70. Where do you currently live? socal

71. Who was the last person you texted? probably nizh

72. When was the last time you cried? mmmm maybe a week or two ago... i cant recall exactly when so thats good

73. Who is your favorite YouTuber? oooohhh.. im super mainstream but i love arikadou LOL also zylbrad, seagull, and etika

74. Do you like to take selfies? i do! i usually only take selfies like every once in awhile when im feeling cute and when i do i take A Lot

75. What is your favorite app? i lov line camera?? also google photos makes things mucho convenient

76. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? tbh i find my relationship with my parents to be closer than a lot of my friends’ so :0

77. What is your favorite foreign accent? i dunno! french accents are pretty cool

78. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? japan! also the philippines

79. What is your favorite number? idk but i like 5 and 8

80. Do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting? both freak me out but the ocean is pretty interesting

81. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? not in the slightest LOLOL

82. Are you allergic to anything? intolerant to eggs, pretty allergic to any type of nuts so that sucks, n i got those Seasonal Allergies

83. Can you wiggle your ears? NO I HAVENT READ HARRY POTTER

84. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? umm idk how often LOL whenever i think im wrong..?? which is somewhat frequently?

85. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? forests are lovely

86. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? honestly idk......... i remember my dad said smth about how you don’t always have to forgive everyone and by saying ‘it’s okay’ permits the other person to repeat the same action, so i choose my words rly carefully now bc of that :o

87. Are you a good liar? kinda half n half... depends on what i’m lying abt

88. What is your Hogwarts House? iiiiii forgot but it was either ravenclaw or hufflepuff... mightve been the former

89. Do you talk to yourself? YEAH especially when i’m practicing music or video editing

90. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? introvert

91. Do you keep a journal/diary? as of very recently yes bc my therapist recommended me to do so :0

92. Do you believe in second chances? usually in most circumstances

93. Do you believe that people are capable of change? oh yeah definitely, anyone is capable of change, it just depends on their attitude towards it

94. Are you ticklish? yes i hate it

95. Have you ever been on a plane? yep, to san francisco and sacramento and i guess once to texas but that was before i could remember so

96. Do you have any piercings? nope and i don’t rly want any tbh

97. What fictional character do you wish was real? i have nooo idea there’s a lot of thought i’d have to put into this question LOL

98. Do you have any tattoos? nah but if i did they’d be veeeery simplistic

99. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? probably when i decided 1-2 years ago that i wanted to get my life back on track so i could become a person i could love and ive been making progress little by little ever since then

100. Do you believe in karma? mmmmm not reaaallyyyy..... like maybe a little bit but

101. Do you wear glasses or contacts? its ya girl almost legally blind and wearing contacts

102. Do you want children? not sure yet but probably

103. Who is the smartest person you know? no clue omg there are lots of smart ppl in this world

104. What is your most embarrassing memory? sometime in grade school i was sitting at the edge of a playground slide pleading for my friend not to push me down bc i rly had to pee but she did and i literally just pissed all over the slide and we just stared at each other for a long time and that was just........ Very Bad - I HAVE ANOTHER BAD MEMORY THOUGH it wasnt even long ago kill me??? i was at my friend’s house for dinner and her parents asked what my sister was studying and my sister just recently got into college and i had a veeeeeeeery vague grasp on what she was studying so i literally said ‘food and tectonics’ and i wanNA MCDIE BC I MEANT DIETETICS NOT T E C T O N I C S

105. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? mmm not a real one.. most ive done is stayed up til 6amish with nizh before goin to sleep ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ like i’m definitely capable of doing it i just don’t want to

106. What color are most of your clothes? dunno? i have a fairly colorful wardrobe but i almost always wear something w/ black if i’m not going for an all light outfit

107. Do you like adventures? depends on where to bc im very cautious LOL

108. Have you ever been on TV? nope

109. How old are you? how old is ur moM!! dab dab haha xd

110. What is your favorite quote? one of my favs is “there are no happy endings, endings are the saddest part, so just give me a happy middle and a very happy start” by shel silverstein; i have a few others but thats the first that comes to mind

111. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? savory tbhhhh

112. Have your friends ever badly disapponted you? umm not badly but ive been mildly disappointed by a few LOL

113. What is your favorite scent? that clean/fresh linen smell?? and also lavender and then light stuff like eucalyptus mint

114. Random fact you know? the duck-billed platypus can’t keep its eyes open underwater, so it finds its prey by using sensors in its bill that detect electrical impulses n then they strike! theyre pretty cool animals..

115. What is your opinion on long distance relationships? nizh said “hard. just, really hard. not sure if it’s worth it” and i also agree

IT IS OVER wow ok 20 ppl is kind of a lot and this is a loooot of questions so im only gonna tag a tiny bit of ppl (dont have to do it if u dont wanna!): @dunmerhealer | @aftertaste-of-memes | @inspiringnokias yeah that’s it LOL this is just Hella Long so idk how many ppl would be up for doin this so ye ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#personal

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chikotos · 7 years ago

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speaking of That my mom is finally recognizing that when I say “i dont feel good” it doesnt mean i have a cold or sth its that Uh, im probably experiencing suicidal thoughts and cant express it well (or at least smth along those lines) and my house has been dirty cuz i havent cleaned in a while or i cant keep it clean and she n my sister cleaned an area and i repeatedly told her not to bc shes always using my sister to do things im not adequate enough to do on time and its rlly not fair to her even if she doesnt realize it cuz like shes only 12 & we dont ever even talk so she shouldnt have to take care of someone 5 years older than her.. and i was gonna clean but I basically slept all day so i could just clean alone at night when I feel safe to walk around the house . i wasnt even tired idk why i slept but now im eerily awake and maybe will be umless i force myself to sleep

its so lonely here and thats only hit me like this year cuz all the time before I would go through periods of hanging out after school maybe.. twice a year? and only hanging out with one person whod have many friends but theyd b my only friend which is a problem i tend to have. but it jst got to the point where im realizing, i think cuz i was in my schools drama program n exposed to lots of friendships, that im jst like ,really fucking lonely. Which is unfortunate because ive always been such an internal person at home and have been able to work creatively but thats all like leaving me? art doesnt make me happy anymore because i dislike my art so much and havent had a platform to share it in so long and i guess I thrive on other ppls opinions of it? and I definitely cant write anymore. I havent been able to zone in on an interest in MONTHS and thats left me creatively drained, a lot.

I think im starting to rlly, RLLY redirect my complete attention from interests to ppl (which always ends well am i right lads) and it isnt fair to ppl who like, have others and need space and time etc or Uh, dont even know me. but its like a switch like , I can either be creative or i can feel loved and Boy Howdy, do i need both,

its just weird cuz im the only one in my family thats emoitonal like this and I think thats why i feel so isolated. like im not exxagerating when I say my dad has 0 friends tht arent family. my mom has work friends she will hang out with maybe 4 times a year not for work, but shes always complaining abt social situations which I can understand. maybe my siblings r like that too but my sisters young n focuses on minecraft n stuff n hangs out w friends more than me n we barely know each other so its not like id know, maybe my half brother is but whens the last time hes wanted to talk to me right. like i cry all the time and all it does is make my dad angry at memfor being incompetent and make my mom think its her fault and my sister confused and jst takes up everyones time

and its jst all v strange. like i was kinda raised 2 not have friends, inadvertantly i guess. i can remember my mom trying to make me feel better about something along the lines of u can b okay w/out friends if u have family but she jst told me friends dont matter and im never gonna talk to ppl i meet at my age as an adult, so it stuck w/ me and i started to make moral judgements on ppl on small things we could talk out like say, they use homophobic language sometimes but im sure theyd respect me enough to stop, but id make those judgements before we could befriend each other n take a chance, kinda to protect myself from attachments? but later in life ive found ppl who dont do stuff like that, and thats when i focus in on them im an unfair way to them and they r the only person/group of ppl in my life, etc etc and idk how to stop because im so scared of hanging out w/ most ppl alone i guess? but ill still be here, thinking about like example (namedrop bc he doesnt have me tumblr anyways) my friend jacob tht never hung out w/ me outside of school but i fuccin loved that kid n he just stopped talking to me over the summer n ignored my text i send first day of summer and now we see each other and talk briefly but its like he wont let us be friends anymore and smth like this always happens and its So

and tbh how can i expect it to not happen when i limit myself so much n they will have plenty of other close close friends when i dont? and i think ive gotten better but idk anymore.

and uh, unrelated. I think my dog ive had for 12 years may have to end up being put down this year. hes got cataracts in both eyes and skin diseases and back problems and teeth problems (hes inbred) and hes losing his hearing too and for the past two weeks hes been peeing everywhere and we can let him out but he cant climb stairs anymore n he has to walk them to get to our yard and im the only one w/ the patience to pick him up (hes only 8 pounds) n put him in the yard bc my parents will jst scream at him n my sister doesnt like dogs and hes got seperation issues w me and whines when he cant be in my room which is the farthest from the door out n stuff. and its like rlly stressful my mom will scream at him in front of my sister n brother n me and the other day she said my dad grabbed him by the neck and threw him out on the concrete cuz he peed inside and hes so tiny that thats just gonna make everyting worse and its notmlike i can stop them bc why would anyone listen to me and hed prob b fine for s few more years if he lived in a patient house with ppl who would take him to the vet but theyre prob gonna put him down early snd its gonna b so weird w/out him

when i showered earlier i took s razor with me w/ the intent to cut my thighs, and i did a little, but i never ever draw blood wnd its strange. why am i given these urges when im so fucking terrified of blood. itll still leave marks n stuff but it makes me feel weak ? n ill bruise myself up instead but its never the same. and im such an advocate for help w self harm but i cant for myself. its like i subconsciously want 2 get caught ? idk. i did throw my razor away though and the others i have r rusty and im not THAT much of a dumbass so i dont have options to self harm anymore unless i get new ones. lifehack

and uh lol, having no schedule n it being summer my eating habits r SHIT. it always hurts to eat p much, its at different times n most of the time i just snck only or i dont eat for hours n see black spots n stuff. and when i dont eat its not a body image thing (im nt rlly happy w my nody but its not sth not eating will help with) its cuz i dknt wanna go upstairs for food where my dad is n the snacks r downstairs so its easier, or cuz i forget or cuz i like, want to punish myself? but im too lazy to self harm. its weird

n since ive stopped id’ing as ace officially my internalized lesbophobia has gotten so much worse . im so repressed and lost ans sad, nothinng rly makes sense? I either fall in love w/ anyone who flirts with me or i focus on someone who ill never fucking talk to or see again and imagine countless scenarios n set myself up to b sad. i seek validation from ppl on it but nothhing comes out right or i just cant say it, because other than when i make myself the butt of gay jokes i just cant sven get the words out of my throat that im gay cuz im jst so ashamed and disgusted with myself. ive been looking at pictures of guys lately cuz ive been trying to force myself to like them. back when i thought i was pan it always felt safer bc i could always just love a cis guy or whatever and everything would b okay for my family ykno. and its such a shameful thing for me bc my irl friends who im out to, most see me as v confident abt it at least a little bc im loud abt it u kno, and make all sorts of jokes, and i jst know so many would b surprised or like sad abt that

i want to stop liking girls so much. like holy shit. i have so many straight girl friends and i hate it when they flirt with me because lik, none r my type so i feel nothing but then i feel like i shiuld then feel like No i shouldnt then feel like i shouldnt even be around them bc im a gross disgusting creepo dyke predator. n they always use the excuse of me having a gf so its fine id never hit on them well like, now im single so i have to be DOUBLE careful not to b affectionate w them as im w all my friends and itsssssssssssssmjshfjhdjfhsjdhjshdjshdjhsjdhsjhdjshdk

and i like, think abt this girl alot n yea its romantic even thomwe never fucking talked n rlly i do that w lots of girls and its making me lose out on friendships bc i wanna b their friends somehow bc i think theyre very cool n stuff but i cant stop hodling on to stupid daydreams n idealizations i get to distract me when im sad n its jst stupid like i know its dumb but guess whos boutta keeeeeeppppp doin it??!!!!! boy!!!

and i try so damn hard to talk feeling out, n talk abt who im attracted to n stuff w ppl, n i try so hard to gush but i cant cuz smth comes outta my mouth and then i cant speak past that and no one ends up rlly knowing how i feel, bc ANY time i talk abt anytingngay related abt me its what happens. and i listen to others talking abt tht stuff and i jsut get so god damn JEALOUS bc idk how to express myself

all these inadequacies n shit is making it rlly hard to see how,im gonna b on my own n its always been like this. at TWELVE YEARS OLD i came to fhe fucking conclusion that i was just gonna kill myself when i turned 18 so i didnt have to deal with all this and i was OKAY WITH IT and i just went through life knowing that and hiding it and so rarely questioning my inevitable suicide as a childc so instead of dealing with all that n my problems n getting better i let myself get worse cuz uh, fuck it right

idk its all just occured to me how im not a fully functioning human being, in seberal if not all aspects of my life, its weird. now that I actively want to live and realize i uh Kinda have to simce ill b the legal guardian of my brother its all very scary

sorr i was all over the place and all the typos i didnt mean anyof them n im not crytyping like, i cried a bit but i jst hate typing kn thsi shitty tablet keyboard, n dont wanna spellcheck. if u read through comgratulations also please dont message me abt like the self harm junk n my dog n stuff like, whatever ur abt to say. I Know my guy

time to go uhhhhhhhhhhh daydream about impossible gay shit with guilt in the back of my mind

#personal #animal abuse/#self harm/#other stuff probably i guess #nya #its long uhh full disclosure i sjt wanted to feel like i was talkin 2 someone nyall can ignore this

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