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godmadeaterribleerror · 4 months ago

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Chapter 5 - Popped, Cool, and Ready to Go

Series Masterlist

Author's Note: If you want to picture me writing any part of this series, picture someone maniacally giggling to themselves the words “this is a surprise tool that will help us later” as they type. Chapter Title from Stand Up by The Revivalists.

Word Count: 9k...

Chapter Summary/Warnings: An opportunity to flip Sister Sage emerges. Contains usual warnings.

Tags: Soldier Boy/Supe!Female Reader, canon divergence, enemies to friends to lovers, canon divergence, slow burn, angst, fluff

Read on A03!

Chapter 4 - Chapter 6

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“Everything is… disturbingly clean.”

Ben watched Cocksucker and Butcher in the living room, the former looking around in shock as the latter’s gaze bounced between Ben and Her with a half grin.

“Don’t tell me you two started bloody fucking,” he jeered, and Ben didn’t appreciate the speed at which She scoffed.

“Not everyone only thinks with their downstairs brain, Butcher.” She said with an eye roll. “We’re not children you had to put in a time out until we could play nice, we’re adults who found a common ground.”

“The common ground of fucking?” Butcher’s grin spread widely across his face. At the deepening of her glare, he raised his hands in mock surrender. “I don’t doubt you, Love, it’s Soldier Boy who can’t damn well breathe without his dick in something.”

Ben opened his mouth to defend himself, but She somehow beat him to the draw. “Well, Ben’s down to only trying to fuck me twice a day, and it’s the small victories like that which have kept us from killing each other.”

“Ben?” Cocksucker looked between them in befuddled horror. “Since when do you call him Ben?!”

She returned Cocksucker’s stare with a flat look Ben had seen many times and was glad to not currently be on the receiving end of. “It’s his name. I can’t say ‘Soldier Boy’ all the time, that’s a fucking mouthful.”

“Fuck yeah, it is.” Ben winked at Her, a cocky grin spreading across his face as he was met with only an eye roll.

Butcher chuckled, giving Her an amused smirk. “Not fucking, my puckered arsehole.” He paused, his teeth showing as his delight in his own words grew. “Or should I say, your puckered arsehole?”

Cocksucker choked on air. “I’m going to be sick.”

“If he throws up on the carpet, you can not make me clean it, Sunshine.” Ben snapped, eyeing Cocksucker with a grimace. “His weak, pussy stomach ain’t my problem.”

“Oh, I’m sure there’s been worse messes in this room.” Butcher wiggled his eyebrows, and Cocksucker gagged again.

“There’s not much left after to clean,” Ben said with another smug look, unable to find it in him to care how his words fueled the accusations She so clearly wanted to rebuff. She’d live, and all the bitchiness she wielded like a weapon would hopefully circle around into admitting the clear attraction he knew she felt.

“What, you all dried up after forty years asleep?” Butcher sneered.

Ben scowled, taking a rough step in the man’s direction, the drum in his chest abruptly sounding in the distance of his ears. “You want to say that to my fucking face? I’ll show you how dried up I am—fuck!“ He lurched back as he felt a sharp sting on his arm.

She appeared at the side of Ben’s vision, Her fingers still smoking as she pointed at Butcher. “You. Never, ever make me visualize that again.” She scrunched her face in dramatic disgust. “And you.” She turned the finger to Ben. “He did ‘say it to your face’, stop being such a fucking baby. And both of you need to repeat everything you think in your head before you say it. We get it, your dicks are both huge, either suck each other off or put them away.”

“I second that,” Cocksucker mumbled, residual nausea on his face. “The shutting up thing, not the other part.”

“Thank you, Hughie. Now.” She gave Butcher a titled-head frown. “What’s the mission.”

“Don’t have to be a mission, Love, we could just be checking up on our two favorite-“

“Shut up,” She snapped. “Nobody has come to visit in two and a half weeks. And then, just after the news about Sister Sage, you two are suddenly, and I’m sure completely coincidentally, in our living room. So, what’s the mission?”

“How do you know about Sage?” Cocksucker, matching the surprise on Butcher’s face, asked.

“I have a phone, dummy.”

Ben looked around the room, trying to figure out where She could’ve possibly hidden a phone from him. “No, we fucking don’t.” He narrowed his eyes at Her, suspicion building in his chest as anger clouded his head. “Have you been fucking leaving without me?”

“When would I even have the time to leave without you?” She snapped.

“When you go to the fucking bathroom all the damn time for no fucking reason. If you’ve been lying to me-“

“Jesus Christ, I was on my period the past week. You can come do an inspection of the toilet bowl next time if it’s that important to you.”

“Fucking,” Butcher faked coughed to poorly cover his words. Ben was sure a deaf baby would’ve still have understood them, and She certainly did.

“Can it,” She shot at Butcher before turning back to Ben. “Phones aren’t big blocks on walls anymore, grampa, they look like this.” She pulled out a weird black rectangle and waved it in his face. “And you’ve definitely seen one before, dumbass.”

If Ben thought back, admittedly not even that hard, he had. Cocksucker and Butcher had both used them the first time around, he’d spotted them in the shows and movies he had been making their way through at Her direction, and even seen Her using the one invading his personal space at that very moment. However, he’d known he’d eat a fucking whale dick before he asked Her what they were then, in the exact same way he was now going have to pretend that She was the stupid one trying to pull one over on him.

“I think I remember if I’d seen something that fucking dumb looking, Sunshine.” She just glared at him and turned away, so Ben decided to count that as a him victory.

“If one of you doesn’t tell me what the plan is now-“

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, Love, we’re getting there. Hughie?”

“Gross,” Cocksucker muttered, his scrunched face of disgust turning into shock as Butcher pushed him forward. “What! Why me?”

“You use all those posh fancy words, mate.”

“He hates me!” Cocksucker gestured to Ben, before saying Her name in a pathetically begging tone. “He made you do it last time, right?! Tell Butcher he doesn’t fucking listen to me!”

Ben grinned as She gave Cocksucker one of the most half-assed apologetic looks Ben had ever seen. “I mean, he doesn’t. But I wouldn’t call him Butcher’s biggest fan either.”

“I’m right fucking here,” Ben grumbled. “I can speak for my damn fucking self.”

She gave him a sarcastic, simpering smile. “Ben, do you like Hughie, or Butcher? Is one prettier? Would one of them talking be better than the other?”

“No, they’re both ugly, pussy ass idiots who sound just as fucking boring as their pussy ass counterpart.”

“Who’s acting like who’s not here now?”

“We don’t sound the same at all…”

She ignored Butcher’s snark and Cocksucker’s weak protest. “Lovely. So if someone could answer my fucking question, that would be great. I, personally, couldn’t give a flying fuck who.”

Cocksucker sighed. “What did you read about the Sister Sage situation?”

“Is someone going to tell me who ‘Sister Sage’ is?” Ben grunted, giving Her an expectant look. Right now his best guess was some nun with plant-based powers, and he couldn’t think of a damn way that would be helpful.

“She's a supe whose power is intelligence. She’s the smartest person in the world, and a member of Homelander’s team.” She wrinkled her nose. “Well, she was. She got fired. I saw Vought’s press release about ‘creative differences’, but it’s painfully obvious bullshit. She made one appearance on TV where she spoke five words, most of the time she’d just hovering behind Homelander looking mad.”

“Yeah, we think she made Homelander upset somehow, which isn't hard to do, so he cut her loose.” Cocksucker nodded. “Either way, we want to try and talk to her. Flip her. Or-“

“Uncle Sam here is going to neutralize her.” Butcher spoke over Cocksucker with a smirk at Ben.

“Neutralize?” She looked between them with wide eyes. “Neutralize as in kill, or neutralize as in remove her powers?”

Butcher winked. “We’ll see where the night takes us. You two have fifteen to get ready, chop chop.”

She began to make her way up the stairs, but Ben remained firmly where he stood, glaring his best daggers at Butcher. “You better have brought my fucking shield this time.”

“What, you going to start crying if we didn’t?” Butcher jeered, and before Ben could move to punch him in the face, Cocksucker piped up from the side.

“Annie and MM are getting it now, they’ll meet us there.”

Butcher grunted in annoyance at Cocksucker’s affirming words, but Ben ignored it and turned to examine Cocksucker’s increasingly pallid face. His heartbeat was rising, yes, but it didn’t seem to be because he was lying, more likely the pussyfuck was just afraid. “Good,” Ben grunted, pausing to listen for a relieved stutter in Cocksucker’s chest. At the sound, Ben turned and marched up the stairs.

He wasn’t sure how it had happened, because he certainly hadn’t done it, but Ben’s suit had been cleaned of the dust and dirt from its last use. It was folded semi-neatly in his dresser, on top of underwear and socks. It was a quick change, he remembered being incredibly instant to the designer all those years ago that any needless, bullshit complications would lead to a forcerful reiterment and be fixed by their replacement, and made his way down the hall to Her door. He paused, unsure of if he should knock or simply walk in. He’d never knocked before, and She’d never bitched at him about it, but she’d also made it incredibly clear that, if he saw her naked, she’d “claw out his eyes like Jesus”. He’d asked for elaboration, in a way he thought had been quite fucking polite, and She’d left the room only to return a minute later with a copy of the Bible that was hurled at his head. Ben had not bothered to read it, but he quite liked his eyes, as did most women, so he had no interest in losing them to one impressively violent and crude one. However, knocking was also plain fucking stupid. As such he found himself just standing at the door, all the way until She opened the door and jumped back at the sight of him.

“Fuck, Ben, you scared me.” She’d placed a hand over her chest, fucking over dramatically if you asked Ben, and stared up at him. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he muttered. “I was just waiting for you.” And he fucking had been. Originally, the plan that had brought him here was to make fun of Her for clearly cleaning his suit and certainly going through his underwear drawer, now it just felt fucking stupid. She’d just caught him standing outside her room, she had too much ammunition to use against him now.

She tilted her head at him, giving Ben a look he didn’t understand or like, but just nodded. “Well, I’m ready. We should go.”

He nodded, stepping aside for her to pass him. She blinked at him a moment before doing such, and only after she was starting down the stairs did it occur to him that he’d let her go first. She hadn’t even asked. But she would’ve, he reasoned. He’d just been saving the headache of Her whining about it. Really, it had been a calculated move from his subconscious, which hated her finding every nerve of Ben’s to get on just as much as the rest of him.

Butcher and Cocksucker were right where they’d left them when Ben reached the bottom of the stairs, and She made her way to Ben’s side as they exited the safe house. Her body was less rigid and alert than last time, her heart almost perfectly calm, and though her eyes didn’t once leave him, she wasn’t vigilantly scanning his every twitch as they walked to the car. Even this car ride was more relaxed than the last, with Butcher not checking on them every damn second in the mirror, Cocksucker looking less like he was about to shit his damn pants, and Her body comfortably in the seat and not curled into the door. Ben appreciated that it was a real, windowed car this time, because that stupid fucking van had been deafening and fucking stuffy and boring to sit in. This satisfaction was squashed almost immediately when they pulled up to a warehouse that looked one fucking well-placed shit from collapsing, and Ben saw that same stupid fucking van parked beside where they stopped.

The back doors were open, and Ben could hear four moderately steady heartbeats from inside it. As they unloaded out of the car and made their way to join the others, Ben watched Her out of the corner of his eye, hearing the telltale warning sign of gnawing on lips and tapping of fingers in rhythmic movements. He’d noticed last week, then had his suspicion confirmed during their fight a few nights ago, that all her rapid, tense tapping was still controlled, always following the same pattern. For the fucking life of him, Ben couldn’t figure out what the pattern was, but he knew it existed, and it always went hand in hand with glassy eyes. Sure enough, when he turned to fully look at Her, clouds were forming behind her gaze, which had itself gone slightly slack. But before Ben could grab Her, ask her what the fucking problem was, if it was something he needed to worry about, She’d walked past him to sit beside beside the small, Asian woman he’d seen several times before. The woman smiled at Her, and she returned it without hesitation. She said a name, Kimiko, in a soft, kind voice Ben had never heard and though Kimiko didn’t say anything—thinking about it Ben hadn’t heard her speak once—the tapping slowed to a halt as they began a weird half-conversation with a lot of confusing fucking gestures.

Ben glanced around the van, looking for his fucking shield. When he didn’t see it, he turned to glare at Butcher, who’d moved to talk to MM.

“Hey!” Ben pushed himself into their conversation, ignoring their whiny glares. “You promised my fucking shield.”

Butcher rolled his eyes. “Technically, Hughie promised it.”

“Where is it.”

“Calm the fuck down, Gov, I’m sure it’s here somewhere. MM, would you give the giant cunt his stupid shield?”

“Nope.”

Ben’s head whipped to glare at the man, who wasn’t even fucking acknowledging him. “Give me my fucking shield.”

“Can’t,” MM said, meeting Ben’s glare with an angry, cold one of his own. “Didn’t fucking bring it.”

“I was promised I’d get my shield back. If you pussies can’t get it, I’m certain I could fine someone who will.” Ben threatened, the drums starting to sound once more. “I don’t have to put up with bullshit-“

“Yeah, you do,” Her voice called from behind him.

Ben turned to look at her, and saw Butcher and MM do the same.

“This doesn’t concern you, Sunshine.” Ben snapped.

She just shrugged. “You want a private conversation? Lower your fucking voice. And I feel like any conversation where you start saying you’re going to leave does concern me, because I’m the one that’s going to have to smite your face when you try. And that’s just going to be a fucking bummer.”

“My face too nice to burn?” He taunted, barely noticing the fade of the pounding against his chest.

“No, I just would have to fill out a fuck ton of dogshit CIA paperwork after. So just suck up being away from your blankie for another week, and sit the hell down.”

“I don’t have a fucking blankie,” Ben scowled at Her, but she only smiled back at him and returned her attention to Kimiko.

“You heard her,” Butcher sneered from behind him. “Listen to your mommy and sit the fuck down.”

“Don’t make it weird, Butcher.” She called, not looking back at them for a second.

Ben turned to give Butcher one last, venomous glower. “If I don’t get my fucking shield next time, we’re going to have a fucking problem.”

“We’ll get you your shield, Gov, don’t loose your damn mind.”

Ben grunted, turning to take the seat next to Her, but carefully listened to Butcher and MM’s hushed whispers as he moved.

“Bloody hell, MM, you had one fucking job.”

“I am not helping him, Butcher. Don’t send me to do your damn dirty work.”

Butcher scoffed. “I’ve had you do much dirtier work, mate. This was a fucking cake walk, and you still fucked it up.”

“I’m going to tell you one last time, and it better get through your thick, dumbass head. I am not doing anything, fucking anything, for that racist piece of shit.”

Ben opened his mouth, subtle eavesdropping was a fucking overrated pussy move anyways, to defend himself. Collateral damage fucking happened, it wasn’t his fucking fault Vought was always sending him-

“What’s the big deal with the shield?” He heard Starlight mutter behind him, a question clearly addressed to Cocksucker.

“Dunno, but he was really weird about it last time, almost threw me out a window cause I touched it-“

“I can fucking hear you,” Ben twisted roughly to face them. “What is it with you pussies and pretending I’m fucking deaf?”

Starlight sighed, giving him an annoyed glare, as Cocksucker responded weakly.

“We just, we don’t think you want to talk to us-“

“Shut the fuck up,” Ben grunted.

“Don’t talk to him like that!” Starlight’s eyes started to glow, and Ben rolled his own in response.

“Fucking try it, Bitch, I’ll blow you back to Vought. If you have a question, fucking ask it.”

“Fine,” Starlight held Ben’s anger with her own. “What’s the big deal with your shield? Are you compensating? Do you get performance issues without it?”

“Annie,” Cocksucker’s heart had picked up, and he was grabbing Starlight’s arm tightly. “Don’t make him mad.”

A thousand, perfect insults pushed against Ben’s head. Fucking amazing hits that would have Starlight crying to Cocksucker for weeks. But he could hear Her heartbeat behind him, stuttering for only a second as she listened to the argument. He heard that rhythmic tapping again, and so he pushed the words down, and gave Starlight a taunting sneer.

“Listen to your little cocksucker.” Ben taunted. “I’ll let it fucking go this time, because I’m feeling fucking generous. But next time? I kill both of you pussies.”

Ben turned away, and once his back was fully to them, he pulled out the crumpled list that now always sat in his pocket, trying to figure out if She had added “broad” at any point. While the bottom was filled with Ben’s own scratchy, hastily written additions, the top to middle of the paper was written in her neat, clipped handwriting, and close to the top was the sentence loose broad with the doll face - Buttercup from the Princess Bride??? Ben frowned at it—why couldn’t She have underlined the word—and leaned to the side, nudging Her shoulder with his own. When she didn’t turn from her soft conversation with Kimiko—how She could possibly be so invested in a conversation with a woman Ben was pretty fucking sure was mute was beyond him—Ben shoved it under her face.

Her voice died off, hands pausing mid-air, and she slowly turned to stare at him. “What are you doing.”

He pointed roughly to the sentence. “What does that mean?”

She squinted, grabbing it from him to hold closer to her eyes. “I was probably confused why you’d call Buttercup that. She’s famously not loose for like, the whole story-“

“No,” he tugged it back. “Why did you write that sentence down? What’s so bad about ‘loose broad with the doll face’?”

Her lips quirked up. “That’s what’s so urgent?”

“Is it loose, or broad?” He ignored her amusement.

“I think both together. Loose isn’t great, but I’d be lying if I said I never called my mother loose. Broad is just…” She frowned. “I don’t think I’ve heard the word ‘broad’ out the mouth from anyone who doesn’t have an active memory of at least one world war.”

“So broad is fine?”

“If you want to sound a thousand, sure. I’ve definitely heard you say worse.”

Ignoring the age jab, Ben locked and loaded his next insult for Starlight. He would let the “compensating” comment go, he was forgiving like that, but there was no fucking way she wouldn’t say something else soon. And he’d be fucking ready for it. He shoved the list back into his pants, where it had stayed since he first caught Her using it. At first it had been going to take a one way ticket down the toilet, but then he’d noticed how when he used those words on the paper, She’d frown and not talk to him for a damn hour. It was a fucking annoying, inconvenient, bitch move because during that time she wouldn’t laugh at his jokes or tell him how stupid modern technology in movies worked or bombard him with annoying comments that made him want to grab Her pretty, taunting, insufferable face and teach her some manners. She’d just be quiet and mad, and it was like he was alone, and suddenly he would hear the drum. So he’d kept the list and, whenever he noticed the bitter silence showing its ugly head, he’d write down what coxed it out. Eventually She’d noticed, and started to help him. If it hadn’t proved an effective strategy to keep her off his ass about stupid fucking shit, he’d have lied up, down, and sideways about keeping it. But they hadn’t had any of those moments he’d grown to detest since she had, so he’d kept in his bitterness about the stupidity of the whole thing in check and counted this a win.

“Look alive, fuckers.” Ben looked up as MM stood, one of those alleged “phones” in hand. “Sage will be here in five minutes. She’s agreed to meet me, Starlight, and Hughie. Frenchie and Kimiko, I want y’all outside, nearby, and ready in case she’s pulling one over. Butcher, go home.”

“Nah, mate. I’m a part of this, Mallory said so. Could make me go home if you tickled my balls and topped me off.”

“Well, then you’re going to have to stay in here.” MM turned as he said Her name. “You’re staying in here with Soldier Boy. If we need you, you’ll hear the signal.”

She hummed in acknowledgment. “What’s the signal?”

“The Deep’s massive tits.” MM gave a tired exhale as Her mouth fell open in amusement. “Frenchie made the signal. Make sure they,” both Ben and Butcher receive rough jabs in their direction. “Don’t fuck this up.”

Before either Ben or Butcher, whose mouth and protesting words had somehow begun faster than Ben’s own, could argue, MM was following the rest of the already mobilized team out of the van, and the doors were slammed behind him.

Tense, angry silence was in the air for only a minute before Butcher spoke.

“Now that everyone’s gone, will you two admit you’re fucking?”

Her heartbeat picked up slightly, and Ben leered at Butcher.

“Watch it, Dick Van Dyke, I’ll cut your fucking face off.” From beside him, Ben heard Her snort. “What do you find so funny?”

Ignoring his angry look, She gave another small giggle. “I don’t think that insult is as good as you think, Ben.”

“It was a fucking amazing insult-“

“Dick Van Dyke is American.”

“No, he was in all those stupid fucking British movies, like that one about the magic fucking nanny-“

“You’ve watched Mary Poppins?” Butcher laughed, and Ben considered ripping off his lips and feeding them to him. One bitchy, melodramatic woman who constantly cut off his words was more than enough. He didn’t need another fucking asshole, whose comments were not nearly as unwelcomingly entertaining, doing the same.

“Only because your hound dog bitch threatened to burn off my fucking dick if I didn’t.” Ben grumbled, and She gave another laugh.

“You enjoyed it, you cunt. And you told me a story about how you met Dick Van Dyke in the 60s. When he was, as he is now, incredibly American.”

“Sunshine, are you going to let me defend your honor or not?”

“My honor?” She gave him a face of giddy disbelief. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“He said we’re fucking!” Ben waved wildly at Butcher. “I’m not going to let him talk about a lady like that-“

“You literally goaded him on barely an hour ago. And called me a ‘hound dog bitch’ like, five seconds ago.” She pointed out. “Even if that wasn’t true, you’d have a whole lot of misplaced faith that I have ‘honor’ to begin with.”

“I don’t think you’d know honor if it ate you out ass to cunt.” Butcher made an exaggerated face of thought, and was met with only a flat look.

“So taint? Ass to cunt as in taint?” Her voice was bored, arms crossed in front of her chest.

Butcher shrugged. “No lady with honor knows the word taint.”

“Then we’re lucky I lost the title of ‘lady’ years ago,” She said with a toothy, fake smile. “And you,” a glare was shot at Ben. “Are not helping the ‘we’re fucking’ allegations by defending my honor, dumbass.”

He wasn’t, he knew that. But her heartbeat had settled, no longer clawing into Ben’s brain, so he just grunted. “Fuck me for trying to help.”

“I won’t,” she smirked. “That’s the whole point.”

“Bitch.”

“Cunt. Butcher,” She turned away from Ben once more. “What time did MM say Sage would arrive?”

“He didn’t.” Butcher answered, making an angry face at the closed door. “Something about not trusting us to stay here.”

Just then, Ben’s careful ear on Her heartbeat, which had slowed fully in the past minutes, was distracted by steps, followed by voices.

“I’m glad you agreed to meet us.” A man’s voice, too low to be Cocksucker, had to be MM.

“Well, even though I know what you’re going to say, I’m still intrigued by how you plan to say it.” Ben didn’t recognize that one. It sounded calm and controlled like Hers usually was, but only had the edge of anger. Her voice was always lined with vague amusement, at everything all the time. This woman didn’t sound like it was capable of laughter, even mockingly.

“Well, if you know what we’re going to say, can you just tell us your answer now?” That one was self-righteous and insufferable. Starlight.

“No.”

“Is that… your answer to what we’re going to say or whether or not you’ll tell us now?” Unsure, nervous, pathetic. Cocksucker.

“The later. I’m not going to tell you the answer until everyone joins us. Do you think I’m fucking-“

“Ben?” A pair of fingers snapped in his face.

Eyes refocusing, Ben realized She had moved so he was face-to-face with her concerned glare and frown watching him carefully.

“If that cunt fucking blows his bloody lid, I’m going outside, MM can suck my-“

Ben scowled at Butcher over Her shoulder. “I’m not going to fucking explode. I have a fucking handle on it-“ She gave Ben an incredulous look that he ignored. “And I’m trying to listen, so shut the fuck up so I can listen to what those pussies out there are saying.”

“You can hear them?” She dropped back to her seat, leaning forward with an intent stare. “What are they talking about?”

“I could tell you if you would shut the fuck up.” He grunted, and she rolled her eyes but didn’t move back. Ben paused, no longer hearing voices at all. “They moved.”

Butcher pushed off the wall. “What do you mean they moved? The fuck did they go?”

“I can’t tell you if you don’t shut-“

The door of the van was pulled open, and Ben jumped to his feet, hearing Her heartbeat start to rise as she did the same. But, instead of the blood and chaos Ben expected, was ready for, a short woman with a gleam in her dark eyes stood on the other side.

“Butcher, you look just as shitty as I expected. Should’ve listened to MM about staying behind.” Her voice was the cold, methodical one. Ben hated it, and hated how it matched her smug, stone-like face.

“If you’re as smart as you claim to be, Sister, you should know I do what I bloody want.” Butcher gave the woman a hateful, mocking smile.

She just gave a small nod back. “Well, I am ‘as smart as I claim to be’, and you are ‘doing what you want’. Reliable as always, William.” Her gaze turned to Ben. “I can’t say I’m surprised to see you, Soldier Boy. I knew they would be going for some sort of Hail Mary, and even though I was hoping for something more intelligent, maybe flipping Neuman, this will work fine. And you…” Her voice trailed, and a disarming smile grew across her face. “I don’t know you. I know everybody.”

Behind Ben, Her heartbeat was like thunder. “Glad to be an exception to such a weird and creepy rule.”

“Who are you? No, wait.” Sage titled her head. “I want to guess.”

The tapping had begun, and the drums had started their march from Ben’s chest to his head.

“You’re not Butcher’s friend, he doesn’t have any. You’re not CIA… not Vought. Not with Nueman, she wouldn’t be that stupid. I’ve seen pictures of all the supervillains Homelander tried to make, and-“ A first, true smile split across Sage’s face just as Her heartbeat became deafening. “Oh! Interesting. That hit a nerve, but how?”

Ben stepped forward, fists clenched, as Sage’s eyes scanned Her closely. “I don’t know what kind of big shot you think you are, but I’d shut the fuck up now before I make your mouth fill up with blood.”

“I’m good,” she gave Ben a sideways look. “Although that’s also interesting. Now, you aren’t military, or a terrorist. You don’t seem quite as idiotically rage-blind as the others, you might even be intelligent. Or, well, intelligent by human standards.”

“You going to keep shooting in the dark, and waste all our time?” Her voice had moved closer, and Ben knew he’d only have to turn his head slightly to see that glassy-eyed stare focused on Sage, who only hummed.

“I’ll get it, don’t worry about that. My shot in the dark has floodlights compared to yours. But time is a finite resource, especially now. You just have to come on out to join the party, and we’ll get started.”

Ben twisted to find Her exchanging doubtful looks with Butcher, who spoke first.

“How do we know you ain’t just killed them, and are luring us out to finish the job?”

“Because that’s fucking stupid.” Sage said with an annoyed frown. “And I’m frankly a little insulted you think I'd do something that plainly dumb. You would’ve heard it. In fact, Soldier Boy can probably hear them, alive, right now. I just told them to stay there and be quiet or I’d start screaming about Starlight trying to kidnap and traffic me. People would hear me, we’re at a warehouse in Queens, not fucking Montana.”

Ben gave an eye roll as all eyes turned to him. “Why do I have to fucking check? There’s a goddamn window right there. Just fucking look outside. Or those pussies can just grow some fucking balls and tell us they’re alive.”

“Ben,” Her voice was tired, and he could still hear the pressure of her heart against her ribs. “You can hear them anyway. Just fucking tell us, please.”

“Fine,” he grunted. He could hear them anyway, so he gave a tight nod after making a whole stupid fucking show of listening for signs of life, but fuck him if this was going to become a regular thing. Ben was not, threat of dick-burning be damned, going to be reduced to recon.

But Her stopped trying to claw out of her when he confirmed Sage’s words, and Ben felt an odd, satisfying rush through him when he heard it.

“Can we move?” Sage stepped aside with an exaggerated sweep of her arm.

Butcher left first, and before Ben could follow, a hand grabbed his arm. He turned back to see barely-contained panic on across Her face—panic he could feel with the tightening of her grip.

“Sage can’t know,” She whispered to him. “Don’t tell her.”

“About what?” Ben frowned, trying to ignore where she still held his arm. Firmly. Unflinchingly.

She didn’t even pull back as she spoke. “Me. If she knows about me, she’ll tell Homelander. He’ll know I’m in New York. He’ll know I’m working with Butcher. He’ll find me and bring me back. Don’t tell her.”

Disturbingly, it wasn’t only the angered acceleration of her heart eating at Ben. It was realizing that her face wasn’t full of panic. It was fear—real fear—in her eyes. He’d never seen her just afraid. He’d seen her infuriated and nervous and exhausted but never simply, rawly afraid. He didn’t like it. She hadn’t become that hollow shell he’d seen at the beginning, or that unbearably tragic picture, looking far away as she told him about Homelander. She was just as unbendable as he knew her, but paralyzed. Made of only pure, useless fucking fear.

So he meant every fucking word he spoke. “I won’t. We’re not going back there.”

“We?” She didn’t let go, her face unreadable.

“I’m not going back in the fucking box, you’re not going back to that pussy Homelander. I’m going to kill them, and you’re going to let me leave. That was the fucking deal.”

She nodded, glancing down at her hands on his arm, and her hold on him loosened. “That was the deal.” She echoed, and walked past him without another word.

They stepped out onto the street and began to follow Sage into the warehouse, Butcher’s Pussysquad walking ahead of them. The moment Ben was at the door, MM turned, raising a flat palm to halt him. “No, you stay right fucking there. You are not a part of this.”

“I’m not listening if he’s not.” Sage said smoothly, looking Ben up and down.

“Great, you two can bond over hating convenient conversation.” She muttered from next to Ben, glaring a hole in the floor.

“Fuck off, Sunshine. I’m charming and endearing, not a bragging, self-assured bitch.” He muttered back as the argument about where he should stand stretched on for far too fucking long.

“You are the most braggadocios, self-assured bitch I’ve ever had the displeasure of knowing.”

“I’m not the bitch that just used ‘braggadocios’ in a sentence like an asshole pussy.”

“At least I know the word at all. I think you came out of the womb knowing only pussy, bitch, and fuck and decided that was more than enough.”

“You sound like a fucking bitch right now.”

“You sound like a cunt who wants to fuck his mirror all the time.”

Ben looked back down to see a thin-lipped, but painless, smile creeping across her face. “One day you should ask my mirror how it is. I’ll receive a fucking amazing endorsement, and you’ll beg me to give you a fucking chance.”

“Endorsement’s a pretty big word, pretty boy. Are you sure you don’t need to sit down now?”

He did a double-take. “Did you just fucking call me pretty-“

“Oi, either fuck right now or come and do your fucking jobs.” Butcher yelled from inside, the argument apparently over with a victory for Sage.

“Please don’t fuck right now,” Cocksucker mumbled, and She rolled her eyes, leaving Ben’s side to stand amongst the group.

“I think I’ll manage to keep it together.” Sarcasm dripped from her tone and was painted across her face, but she didn’t flinch away as Ben came up behind her.

Sage was eyeing Her still, and Ben liked the woman less by the second. Even as Starlight spoke, Sage’s attention didn’t move, remaining locked on Her as if trying to pick her apart.

“We know how Homelander screwed you, Sage. He’s screwed all of us.”

“Screwed feels like a bloody generous term for ass-fucking to completion and then cutting off our balls.” Butcher muttered.

“Butcher,” Cocksucker sighed. “Unnecessarily gross.”

“I don’t know,” the French Prick, having apparently re-joined the group when Ben hadn’t been paying attention, mused. “The visualization helps.”

Cocksucker gaped at him. “How?”

“Well, either way-“

“It raises the stakes, no?” The French Prick cut off Starlight, a look of impossibly genuine concentration on his face. “Screwing is gentle, possibly playful. Monsieur Butcher's words make the issue far more…” As he searched for the words, Kimiko made another weird fucking gesture, and a smile spread across the French Prick’s face. “Oui, Mon Coeur. Fucking urgent. Far more fucking urgent.”

“Great, more urgent.” Starlight blinked, clearly giving a pathetic attempt to regain control. It was glorious for Ben to watch. “Now, we think-“

“It was still gross, things can be urgent and not gross.” Cocksucker frowned at the French Prick.

“Hughie,” Starlight hissed.

“Shit, sorry Annie-“

“No, petite Hughie, the gross nature of the words is what makes them so urgent.” The French Prick argued. “It makes them more difficult to ignore.”

MM gave an attempt to push back that didn’t involve nearly enough shouting or threats for Ben’s taste. “The words don’t matter, now just listen to Annie-“

“Words fucking matter, Mate." Butcher interjected. Ben agreed, if they didn’t then the whole stupid fucking list would have been for nothing.

“Not right now, Butcher, right now all that matters is we listen to Annie-“

“Well, Butcher’s technically right. Words do really fucking matter.” She chimed in from Ben’s side. “Language is a pillar of culture, and different words will have the same translations but different meanings across cultures.”

MM gave Her a disbelieving stare. “You too?”

“What words have different meanings across cultures?” Cocksucker asked, sounding somehow genuinely interested.

“More often than not, it’s symbolic changes, such as colors and animals having different connotations or there being a wide variety of words for one language that only has a few.”

“This can’t wait?” Starlight asked, throwing MM a hopeless look. Ben hoped it couldn’t. As utterly boring as the words coming out of Her mouth were, he’d never seen her so enthusiastic about something that wasn’t a piece of media to be explained. Her heartbeat was rising, yes, but it was beating like a drug, not a gun, against Ben’s head. This, this was tolerable, and if Starlight fucking stopped it he might have to kill her.

It was MM though, who said Her name firmly. As she trailed off, he looked at her with raised eyebrows and a frown. “You done?”

Ben could hear the chew of Her lip, and she nodded apologetically, shooting a nervous look to where Sage was watching Her with narrow eyes. If Ben was smart about it, he was pretty sure he could kill Sage, MM, and Starlight in one move. Unfortunately, that would probably make Her all bitchy and angry at him, which was exactly what he was trying to avoid. Maybe he could make it look like an accident.

“Great,” Starlight sighed. “Sage, Homelander has fucked all of us.” Butcher gave an approving grin as Starlight threw him a dirty look. “He needs to be stopped.”

“And what makes you think you can stop him? You’ve tried numerous times, and every attempt has blown up in your face more spectacularly than the last.”

“We have a plan.” Starlight said, standing up straighter.

“Then you don’t need me.”

“That’s what I fucking said.” Butcher grumbled.

“But they didn’t listen to you, which means whatever you’re trying isn’t a revenge-blind, foolish Butcher special.”

“Love, if you’re implying I’m a fucking idiot-“

“Wasn’t implying. Outright said it.”

“We can still bloody kill you-“

“Butcher,” MM said with a glare. “Shut the fuck up.”

“Well, I ain’t bloody wrong. Her power is ‘smart’, she’s not a fucking threat. We got the real threat on our side.” Butcher gave Her a wide, smug grin.

Right at Ben’s side, She froze.

“The ‘real threat’?” Sage asked, and turned slowly to examine Her once more.

“Soldier Boy,” MM said, looking between Her and Sage. “You know what he can do. We didn’t bring him back for nothing.”

“No, but you did bring him back… Why?” Sage wondered aloud, and Ben could hear the insufferable gears of her bitch brain turning. “Because you had the real threat. Not him, something worse.” Sage’s mouth turned up just the gleam in her eyes returned. “The Anomaly.”

“I- what are you- I don’t know what-“ Ben didn’t need to see Her eyes to know that the fear had returned. It was in every word She spoke, and he wanted to rip it out of her and shove it into Sage. “You don’t- I don’t-“

“He told me you died. Horrible accident, fourth shot of V didn’t take, and you combusted. I knew he was lying, I just thought he’d decided he wanted more secrecy and moved you, killed you himself, or you’d escaped and were on the other side of the world. Very, very stupid of you to come back.”

“If you know what happened to her, you should know what a fucking monster Homelander is.” Starlight said. “You should listen to what we have to say.”

“Not interested anymore.” Sage gave a dismissive gesture, another fucking smile creeping onto her features. “The Anomaly, alive and working with Starlight and Butcher? Working with Soldier Boy? This is good, this changes things.”

Ben braced his arms at his side, his anger feeding into the beat against his chest, moving forward as She took a weak, stumbled step further behind him. “You listen, or lose your fucking life.”

“I think I’ll just go. I had a much more dramatic reveal, but you have been set up, and this building is surrounded.” Sage sighed. “I would say I wish I could’ve played into the theatrics you all love a little more, but I’m actually incredibly fucking relieved I don’t have to. I’ll see everybody soon, and good luck with whatever you’re planning. I’m sure it will be entertaining.”

Before Ben could give in to the drums, or even more to grab her, the warehouse was flooded with men in black suits.

“Fuck,” Butcher shouted, pulling out a gun from thin fucking air. “What’s the point of having a super-hearing supe if you can’t fucking hear a warehouse full of enemies?”

“Sound-suppressing suits,” the French Prick yelled, taking a step behind Kimiko as he too pulled a weapon from nowhere. “I was developing them with the CIA, Vought must have gotten their fucking hands on them.”

MM pulled out his own gun, and Ben was now pretty fucking sure they were all keeping them up their asses. “Does Mallory know about them?”

“Oui, but they must have just gotten their hands on them, I finished them only two days ago.”

“When we made the fucking plan to meet with Sage,” Cocksucker had, like the cowardly pussy Ben knew him to be, moved behind Starlight. “But she can’t have known we had Soldier Boy, why would she spend time to get them?”

“Sage is nothing if not careful,” MM fired up at the descending men. “We need to get out of here, right fucking now.”

The words had hardly left MM’s mouth when the warehouse lit up with bullets.

“Are you just going to let Sage fucking get away?” Ben yelled, remaining firmly planted where he was, bullets bouncing off him like rain.

“Excuse us, Gov, not all of us are bloody immortal. And we quite like living, so shut the fuck up and be useful.” Butcher ran past Ben, firing back as he did.

Ben scowled at nothing, punching one of the men backwards like a bowling ball when he got too close. “She’s going back to Homelander, that feels pretty fucking important-“

“The doors are fucking blocked!” Cocksucker’s shrill, pussy yell cut Ben off. “They’re everywhere!”

“Then move them, you fucking pussy!” Ben threw another up into the ceiling.

He felt fucking alive. All around him, Butcher’s team was being the most useful they’d ever need in their pathetic pussy lives. The French Prick was holding something weird and long that Ben would very much like to use later, Butcher and MM were firing with an intent to kill that Ben appreciated, Kimiko ripped off a man's head with ease, and Ben was starting to hate her a little less than the rest of them. Even Starlight and Cocksucker were vaguely helpful, even if Starlight was mostly invested in keeping Cocksucker and his weak punches safe. It was fucking perfect, right until Ben threw another man into the wall, leaving a dent in the concrete, and saw Her.

She was right where they’d left her, smoking but not yet burning, men trying to grab her but falling back with screams as they did. Her bloodless, frozen face was trained on where Sage had stood, and despite the chorus of gunshots and shouting through the warehouse, her heartbeat was as loud as if Ben were right next to her. The tapping was fast—faster than he’d ever heard it, her eyes were unblinking and glazed, and blood was dripping from her lips as she chewed through skin.

She was going to fucking blow.

Another man, in almost slow motion, grabbed Her. But not on the arms or shoulder like the others had attempted. Right on the fucking neck. Ben watched as the idiot's hand landed on Her throat, watched her eyes widen and clear, and watched the man let out an undignified, pussy-like shriek as he recoiled back. But it was too fucking late. The smoke stopped, for only a second, and Ben could’ve sworn the ground fucking shook.

Everything went up into flames.

“Fuck!” Ben heard MM roar from somewhere behind him. “Everyone out! Get the fuck out!”

Ben sent another man flying back, directly into the fire, as he kept his eyes on Her. Still frozen, eyes no longer clouded, looking almost fucking oblivious to the flames around her. She didn’t seem to be burning anymore, only standing in the fire that had burst from her. Her eyes were full of that fear again, shooting upwards as the first piece of the roof fell down with a crash.

“The doors! Open the fucking doors!”

Ben turned to find Butcher shouting as Kimiko and MM struggled with the warehouse entrance. Ben glanced back at Her, but his line of sight was cut as another piece fell. Somehow, over all the noise, Ben heard Butcher once more.

“Soldier Boy, get your cunt ass over here and be fucking useful. Open the fucking doors!”

Ben grabbed one of the idiotic men who hadn’t either burned or tried to scramble away, throwing him directly to the warehouse door. The man shot right through the building, clearing a hole to the outside with a crunch. In the momentary shocked silence of the groups struggle, fire crackled, and another piece of the warehouse fell.

“Out!” Out of the corner of his eye, Ben saw MM practically push Cocksucker through the hole. “Now! Get out!”

Ben stared at the hole, Her heartbeat ripping into him. He could leave her. The building would fall, and he could fucking run in the time it took to pull her out. He could be fucking free, ahead of schedule, no killing Homelander and saving a stupid fucking world full of backstabbing pussies required. They’d find another way to kill Homelander, or not. It wouldn’t be his problem. Ben couldn’t even see her through the smoke and debris anymore. It would be so fucking easy to leave, kill Butcher, and escape.

But Her heartbeat wouldn’t fucking stop. It would keep going and going into his head. And the drum hated it, every time it sank into him, it fed the fucking drum.

He wasn’t moving. He needed to fucking move, or they’d realize his plan and try and knock him out. He wasn’t going back in the fucking box.

And She wasn’t going back to Homelander.

“Fuck!” He yelled at no one, partially hoping she’d just walk out, or someone would call him forward. But all the team had left them, and now the warehouse was just Ben, Her, and a bunch of ill-fated Vought shit-eaters.

Ben turned, throwing the wreckage as he did. It probably wasn’t helpful to the general state of the building the way he did so, but he wasn’t in the mood to be a fucking careful or gentle pussy. He reached Her, and found her passed out, face almost empty. If it weren’t for the sound of her breath, the still-quick flutter of her heart, Ben would’ve thought her dead.

“If you don’t become at least 10% less of a bitch after this Sunshine,” he grumbled at her unconscious body. “I’m throwing you right back in here.”

But he hauled Her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, ignoring the way she seared into his skin, and walked through his previous path to the exit.

———-

The ride back from the disastrous mission made Ben want to blow everyone’s fucking brains out of their heads. There were weird looks, hushed questions about what happened that he had to pretend he couldn’t hear, and a whole lot of self-righteous, sad faces. It was made worse by the fact that She didn’t even wake up until they were fully back in the safe house, meaning Ben had to fucking carry her inside. Butcher offered, but Ben had just glared at him—as far as Ben was concerned, the dick just wanted to take advantage of one of the only “safe” times to touch her—and refused to even respond.

Ben dumped Her in her room, and marched back downstairs to find Butcher still in the fucking living room.

“What the fuck do you want?” Ben grumbled, pushing past him to the kitchen.

“Well, I would usually tell your girlfriend, but seeing as she's taking a bloody little nap you’ll have to do.”

“She’d cut off your dick if she heard that,” Ben snorted. “Take it from my personal experience.”

“Good thing she can’t. Just tell her we’ll be back in a few days for operation Quick and Bald.”

"Operation Quick and Bald?" Ben huffed a sarcastic laugh. “I am not fucking saying those words.”

Butcher smirked. “Your head, Gov. See you in a few days.”

And Ben was left alone in the kitchen.

It took all the way to morning for Her to wake up. She stumbled into Ben’s room with a frown and a determined look.

“Teach me how to fight.”

Ben gave her a lazy half-grin from the bed. “Welcome back, Sunshine. Anything you’d like to say to me? A thank you, for instance. Though I would also accept acts of gratitude.”

“I’m not sucking your dick. Teach me how to fight.”

“I’m good. Not in my job description.”

She glared at him. "Technically, you don’t have a job. We’re not paying you. Teach me how to fight.”

“They’re not paying you either, Sunshine. We’re both victims.”

“I’m legally dead, they can’t pay me. And you’re the farthest thing from a victim, Mr. Body Count in the Thousands. Teach me how to fight.”

“No.” Ben had no interest in doing more for these fucking idiots. He’d already saved her life once in the past day, that should earn him enough fucking gratitude to coast for at least a damn month.

“Please, Ben, this can’t keep happening where I lose control, someone could really get hurt.” She rubbed her eyes in obvious distress. “People did get hurt.”

“So? Hurting people is what we do. You shouldn’t be in the field if you can’t fucking handle it.” Ben repeated the words he had so often told himself through the years. It had always fucking worked for him. She shouldn’t be any different.

“I can’t fucking handle it?!” She scoffed in disbelief. “That’s a mighty stupid thing for the pot to say to the kettle.”

Ben shot her a cold look. “I know how to fucking hold my own, Sunshine, I don’t need someone to fucking save me. You can’t fucking control yourself at all, and it’s a goddamn problem.”

“Nobody made you go back, you could’ve just fucking left me.” She hissed.

"Well, I didn’t,” Ben growled. “Don’t make me fucking regret it.”

“I could say the same for you. You’re only out of the box because I wanted you here-”

“Aw, Sunshine, you wanted me?” He mocked.

“I wanted your powers here. You’re just the vessel.”

“I saved your fucking life, bitch.”

“And I’m sure you’re not going to be a fucking cunt about that forever.”

“You need me.” He shot to his feet. “Don’t fucking forget it.”

She took a step forward, her face venomous. “No, you need me. What do you think happens if they decide I’m a ‘problem’ now, huh? They send me home, and just trust you not to go all revenge-fueled vigilante? If I burn, you burn, Ben. So fucking teach me how to not be a ‘problem’, or it’s your fucking head.”

He bared his teeth at Her. “If I teach you how to fight, will you stop being a fucking pussy and thank me for saving you?”

“Teach me how to fight, really fight and not just throw a punch, and I’ll buy you a fucking fleshlight.”

“What the fuck is a fleshlight?”

She gave him a mocking smirk. “Trust me, you’ll love them.”

Ben paused, examining Her face, angered but firm. “I want three of them.” He still wasn't sure what they were, but She had been frustratingly fucking accurate about what he would and wouldn't like.

“Deal.” She extended her hand, and he glared at it.

“If I hate them, you’re cooking me something.”

“You’d volunteer to be poisoned?” She laughed. “Your funeral, dumbass.”

He ignored her words, and shook her hand as aggressively as he could. “Meet me in the kitchen in three hours. I’m going to make you fucking cry.”

She grinned. “Looking forward to it.”

198 notes · View notes

fangweaver2099 · 5 months ago

Text

𝐅 𝐀 𝐖 𝐍 𝐓 𝐄 𝐄 𝐓 𝐇 - Prologue pt 2

MINORS DNI 18+ FIC

You’ve always liked the idea of having a dominant partner - BDSM was something you’ve read about, watched videos about.

Something you made Pinterest boards and aesthetic tumblr posts about when you were 18 and curious, the idea always sounded nice, but you’ve never done it in practice, not really. Sure you bought fuzzy handcuffs at a gag gift store once, but that didn’t really count.

You’re still a virgin.

You’ve always had that chronically awkward, workaholic type of vibe that made typical dating near impossible at worst and frustrating at best. Normal dating apps have proven fruitless and agitating. So poor curious little you talked yourself into making a fetlife account. You weren’t looking for true love, but at least you could get laid.

DM Request from: 10:13 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Hello, Fawn.”

College was for new experiences after all.

CW: BDSM heavy/centric fic. Safe, Sane & Consensual. Miguel is your professor, but you both don't know that. Age Gap (Y/N is 23, Miguel is mid 30's)

TAG: @slut4oscarissac23

PART 1 - PART 3

It’s been a week since you met Web. You’ve gotten into the routine he provided after you confirmed he expected you to start instantly. Thankfully, your summer job is walkable and makes the whole hour of exercise he’d demanded - so it isn’t much of a change in routine.

He isn’t pleased that your idea of meals is usually whatever frozen nuggets you have in the fridge or whatever you and your roommates decide to swing by to, but there’s only so much you can do on a college budget, and he begrudgingly accepts that fact after some discussion.

You wake with a groan, still entangled in your gray duvet. You had opted for a daybed for your tiny room and it means you often sleep with your nose touching the wall and your limbs curled close to you, fetal position.

For a long moment, you consider heading back to bed. Your hands search down your body and across your bed for the phone. You pull the damn thing out from under your hip and flip it over in your hand.

Web asks you to download something called ‘Telegram’ - it doesn’t log pictures or anything for that matter, according to him. You find you even have a few contacts saved that used it. You discover your cousin is a furry, but you aren’t going to tell him that.

Web’s icon is what you’d expect, really - a red web. His number is fake - surprising to exactly nobody. He was clearly more tech savvy than you. When you had visualized an ideal dominant - Web checked too many boxes. At first you considered ghosting him, anxiety ate you up.

But you also crave his attention - maybe you’re more lonely than you thought. You find yourself waiting for his messages and bouncing at the attention. You’ve developed a habit of staying up too late waiting to see if he’ll pop back online again.

So you click open your phone, ignoring Facebook, Instagram, whatever, and click open the small blue icon to Telegram.

9:13 AM - WebRigger2099 - “Good Morning.”

“ I slept in… Sorry. Just saw this. Morning. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:15 PM

1:19 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Slept in until 1pm? Up late?”

“ Roommates were loud, so I watched netflix. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:19 PM

1:19 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Maybe when summer is over you’ll be able to get proper sleep at my place.”

“ That sounds nice. We’ll have to see. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:19 PM

1:20 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I can set up a dog bed at the foot of mine. I’d make sure you were comfortable, but you’d have to wake me to go to the bathroom. The leash would keep you bound to bed.”

“ And here I thought we’d snuggle. :p ” - Fawnteeth - 1:20 PM

1:20 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Yes, but you have to earn the bed for sleeping at night. Incentives keep you from growing complacent.”

“ You really do know what you’re doing. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:21 PM

“ Any free time today? ” - Fawnteeth - 1:21 PM

1:21 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I work from home during the summer and practically make my own hours. It’s a quiet day.”

“ Can I ask what you do? ” - Fawnteeth - 1:21 PM

1:21 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Yes, but I won’t answer.”

“ Mysterious. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:22 PM

1:22 PM - WebRigger2099 - “If you guess correct you might earn a treat, pup.”

“ How many tries do I get? ” - Fawnteeth - 1:22 PM

1:22 PM - WebRigger2099 - “We’ll say three.”

“ Banker? ” - Fawnteeth - 1:22 PM

1:22 PM - WebRigger2099 - “No. Every time you get it incorrect, you’ll answer a question of mine, how’s that sound?”

“ That's not very fair. :c ” - Fawnteeth - 1:23 PM

1:23 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I never said it would be.”

“ Fine. Ask away. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:23 PM

1:23 PM - WebRigger2099 - “When was the last time you touched yourself, Fawn?”

“ Oh. These kind of questions. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:23 PM

1:23 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Is that a complaint I hear?”

“ No. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:23 PM

1:23 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Well?”

“ The night after we spoke the first time. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:23 PM

1:23 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Good girl. Excited you, did I?”

“ Yes, sir. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:24 PM

1:24 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Good girl. You remembered the rule. No ‘maybe’s, only ‘yes’ or ‘no’.”

“ I’m trying my best. It’s not like it’s fun being a brat at the start. I gotta learn your buttons. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:24 PM

1:24 PM - WebRigger2099 - “You must be a glutton for punishment. Did you see the cane marks I left on some of the girls in my photo album?”

“ I did. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:24 PM

1:24 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Did it excite you, Fawn?”

You huff, rolling onto your other side on the bed.

“ ...Yes. When do I get to guess again? >:c ” - Fawnteeth - 1:24 PM

1:24 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I never said you couldn’t. You’re just answering free questions.”

“ Mean. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:24 PM

1:24 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Exceptionally. You have to earn ‘nice’.”

“ I don’t know why I find you so charming. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:24 PM

“ Librarian? ” - Fawnteeth - 1:24 PM

1:24 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Wrong. And many submissives find comfort in pain and punishment.”

“ you seem like the librarian type. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:25 PM

1:25 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Because you think I’d spank you with a ruler if you made too much noise?”

“ I don’t think a ruler would hurt very much. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:25 PM

1:25 PM - WebRigger2099 - “You haven’t had one break on your skin then. I’ve left bruises with them before.”

“ I sure haven’t. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:25 PM

1:25 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I’ll have to bring one someday, then. And a crop. Anything else you’d like me to mark you with?”

“ Let me think about it. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:25 PM

“ Personal trainer? You have the body for it. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:25 PM

1:25 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Isn’t that what I’m doing to you? It doesn’t pay very well, but I don’t have any complaints about the benefits so far.”

“ I mean. I guess? You haven’t asked me to work out, plus I hear the right clients means you could make bank. So you are a personal trainer? ” - Fawnteeth - 1:26 PM

1:26 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I did tell you to exercise an hour a day. Did you forget?”

“ Not completely. I walk. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:26 PM

1:26 PM - WebRigger2099 - “No, I’m not a personal trainer. Ready for my last two questions?”

“ Yes. :c I thought I was right… ” - Fawnteeth - 1:26 PM

1:26 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Afraid not.”

1:26 PM - WebRigger2099 - “When you masturbated the night we first spoke, what did you imagine?”

“ A bit of what you could look like. Putting myself into one of your photos. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:27 PM

1:27 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Do you like the idea of me showing you off for everyone to see? Your face covered of course, like the rest.”

“ I sure don’t mind the idea. Do most girls say no? I see you haven’t taken any photos in like 7 years. ” - Fawnteeth - 11:27 PM

1:27 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I’ve been busy. Started again recently.”

“ Ohhh. I see. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:27 PM

1:27 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Would you like to practice?”

“ Practice? ” - Fawnteeth - 1:27 PM

1:27 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Posing for my photos.”

“ Can I see you too? ” - Fawnteeth - 1:27 PM

1:27 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Fair is fair.”

“ Your profile pic leaves most to the imagination. Well. Below the belt, I guess. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:27 PM

1:27 PM - WebRigger2099 - “That’s what you want to see, is it? You’ll need to earn it.”

“ Call me curious. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:27 PM

1:27 PM - WebRigger2099 - “You’ll need to follow my instructions for posing, Fawn. Listening?”

“ Yes. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:28 PM

1:28 PM - WebRigger2099 - “You’ll take a picture of every step to prove you’re following along. Understood?”

“ Okay. Let me lock my door. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:28 PM

You need a gameplan. Checking for your roommates, you pop your head out of your door, listening hard. You can hear your roommate Kore’s music - some pop medley that she’s sewing to. Good.

You don’t hear anyone else, so everybody else must be out. You… try not to think about what Taylor or Aurora could be up to.

Sticking your head back in, you close the door. moving to click the lock shut. You check the door, only for it to open with the slightest tug. Glancing at the lock, you frown, flicking it on and off to see no little ‘lock’ mechanism come out.

Shit… You fucking hate your landlord.

You glance around your room - you are not doing this with your door unlocked. You grew up with half a dozen siblings and strict parents - you know how to improvise. Grabbing the circular chair piled with clothes, you push it to the door and force the metal under your door knob. Hands on your hips, you nod at the handiwork.

Good enough.

Snatching up your phone, you frown, kicking away most of your discarded clothes and random papers.You really need to clean your room, but you decide you’d do it later.

Right now, you have other priorities.

Said priority seems to know just when you sit down, the telegram notification lighting up your screen as if you’ve summoned him by pure thought alone. Think of the devil…

1:46 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Having trouble?”

“ No. All good now. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:46 PM

1:46 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Get a marker.”

You frown, then glance at your backpack. You trot over and search through it, tossing a few pens and your pencil case in frustration.

In the end you find a single purple sharpie.

You click open your phone.

“ Does the color matter? ” - Fawnteeth - 1:46 PM

1:46 PM - WebRigger2099 - “No. It just needs to be visible on your skin.”

“ Kay. Got it then. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:46 PM

1:46 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Take your clothes off. Bra and panties can stay on.”

You glance up at your phone and stare at yourself in the mirror.

Your hair is a bit of a mess - that’s fine.

You glance at your sleep shirt, it’s old and the hem is frayed on the sleeves, the little bunny screen printed onto it is mostly faded. You knew you weren’t wearing a bra, so you glanced around your room till you spotted one laying limply on the floor. Tossing off your top and discarding it wherever it landed.

Pulling the bra on, you take a deep breath, glancing at yourself again in the mirror. You feel yourself hesitating. You’ve taken nudes before, what about this makes it different?

Web makes it different. Him telling you to take these for him makes it different. You slip off your shorts and realize you’re wet. Your cheeks burn with embarrassment.

Still, your phone is in your hand again, you flick it open and type away.

“Kay.” - Fawnteeth - 1:50 PM

1:50 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Where is my proof, Fawn? I told you to take pictures. Are you trying to get punished?”

You bite your lip.

“ No. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:50 PM

You need your face mask - the one you wore in all your photos is easy to find. You wrap the thing around your nose and mouth. You know you’re going to crop out your face anyway, but it makes you feel better.

Like you’re pretending to be someone else. You supposed you aren’t you anymore - you’re Fawn. Fawn doesn’t struggle with nudes. Fawn takes great nudes.

You glance at yourself in the mirror. You end up trying a few poses, trying to not put emphasis on your long legs or stomach rolls. You settle on your knees - back slightly arched, one hand splayed on your thigh. Not too lewd.

You snap the photo, shifting your body a bit as you take another. The routine continues a few more times before you pause to look at the photos.

You decide the second one is the best. You move to crop as much of the background out as you can, including your face. Wisps of your hair remain around your neck but that’s fine. Whatever. Good enough.

You hesitate for a moment, finger lingering on the send button.

What if he doesn’t like it? What if he decides he doesn’t like you? You cringe at the thought. You send the photo and close your phone instantly.

[photo] - Fawnteeth - 1:55 PM

You hear it ping and slowly click the screen back on.

1:52 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Good girl. Has anyone told you you’re beautiful today, Fawn?”

You blush.

“ Now someone has. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:52 PM

1:52 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Write it on yourself. We wouldn’t want you to forget if I’m busy and can’t tell you tomorrow morning.”

“ Okay. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:55 PM

You take a deep breath, grabbing the purple sharpie from beside your knee. Biting down on the cap, you frown, glancing over the expanse of skin thoughtfully.

How the hell do you write backwards…. You’ll flip the image before you send it.

It’s embarrassing how long you pause, you stare at the pen and your skin. You come to the sad realization this is the first time a man has called you beautiful like… ever.

You’re smart enough to realize he’s trying to build you up. God, he knows what he’s doing, doesn’t he?

You settle with scribbling the world carefully onto your right thigh. You don’t use the mirror for the photo this time, taking it directly.

[photo] - Fawnteeth - 1:55 PM

1:55 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Again.”

You consider asking him where. After considering for a moment, you scribble ‘beautiful’ on your other thigh. It’s not huge and written towards your knee, but it’s readable.

[photo] - Fawnteeth - 1:56 PM

1:56 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Keep going.”

You wonder where - not your thighs again you decide. After some effort you manage to scribble it carefully above your panty waistband, crawling from your hip and across your stomach.

This time you have to use the mirror. You settle back into that kneeling pose and take a few shots.

You pick the favorite, flipping it so the text can actually be read. You crop it again, cutting off your shoulders and part of your arm.

[photo] - Fawnteeth - 1:57 PM

1:57 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Good. That’s enough.”

“ Here I expected something lewd. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:57 PM

1:57 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Now pull your panties to the side and show me your pussy.”

Your cunt throbs, making your thighs snap together. He isn’t even talking, it it’s words on a fucking screen . It’s unfair how effortlessly arousing Web is.

You could say no. You don’t think he’d be upset if you said no. He had spoken a dozen times over about consent in the past week, reaffirming to you that if you thought it was too much that you were welcome to say so. All it took was you typing yellow or red.

You don’t.

“ Mkay. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:58 PM

You end up sitting back on your ass, legs apart. You see the dark mark on your panties in between your legs. You almost shutter pulling the cloth aside. You feel your slickness on your fingers and wipe it away with your inner thigh.

You see yourself through your phone, legs spread and the hints of the words written on your thighs make you freeze.

You settle with closing your eyes to take the picture. You don’t crop it this time - but your face is still missing from the shot regardless. Just a hint of the black cloth over your chin. Your face is warm both from your cheeks and your breath now.

You click send and wait patiently for his reply.

[photo] - Fawnteeth - 1:58 PM

It comes instantly.

1:58 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Now shove the marker inside.”

Your eyes widen.

1:58 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Take a picture so I can see all the writing and the marker inside you.”

You grab the top of the marker and cap it, flipping it in your fingers.

“ I’ll try. ” - Fawnteeth - 1:59 PM

The marker is cold. You cringe as you press it against your overheated pussy, flinching as you run it along your opening. After a deep breath you slip it into your opening. You couldn’t exactly feel it - it was more like your fingers.

You’ve never bought a toy, knowing your roommates would rip the package open to see what you ordered, nosy as they are, and it’s not like you could order it to your childhood home. There are some things even you know better than to do.

Slowly, you kneel again, your hips up in the air as you see the small white and purple thing in between your thighs.

The last time you took a nude was before college. You chickened out of sending it to your boyfriend at the time. Now you’re just thankful you never got to second base with him.

You take the picture, eyes closed again. Like that somehow made what you were doing more modest and less slutty.

Is it slutty? It’s not like you’re sending it to anyone but Web. But also… who is Web?

[photo] - Fawnteeth - 2:02 PM

2:03 PM - WebRigger2099 - “ Good girl. I’m posting this as an album on my page for everyone to see. I’ll blur the background for your privacy, and you already have your mask on.”

“ I thought this was supposed to be practice? :’c ” - Fawnteeth - 2:03 PM

You slip the marker from yourself and put your panties back on correctly. You cringe at the cold wetness.

2:03 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I find it best to practice by doing.”

“ I guess that makes sense. It’s the first time I’ve sent that to anyone on here. Can you keep the one with my crotch in it private? ” - Fawnteeth - 2:03 PM

2:03 PM - WebRigger2099 - “You did good. Lighting and the perfect background are nice, but it's not realistic. Not everyone has perfectly angled windows and lamps to make shots. This is raw. Vulnerable. And yes, I can keep those two private.”

“ Thanks. My room is kinda a mess… You’re nice, Web. ” - Fawnteeth - 2:03 PM

2:03 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Just respectful, and not that much. You have low bars, Fawn. Careful someone doesn’t take advantage of them.”

“ You haven’t. ” - Fawnteeth - 2:03 PM

2:03 PM - WebRigger2099 - “You just shoved a marker up your cunt for me without even questioning it.”

“ I think you’d be fine if I had said no. When do I get to see it? ” - Fawnteeth - 2:04 PM

2:04 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I suppose you earned it.”

His hands are huge, his chest is broad and clearly the same guy in the photo… and…

Your eyes widen at his dick. The sweatpants bulge in his profile pic is a fucking beast. You had asked him how long it was before, shyly, and he said eight inches. Sheepishly, you told yourself you’d fetch a ruler to see what that would be like in person.

You’d been too nervous to follow through.

He’s wide, too, his log-like member swollen with arousal. The dark brown skin fades to a milder tan as your eyes finally leave his bulge, trailing up the muscular torso. You swear you see a bead of sweat running down his abs, but you realize that it's yours .

You’re sweating, forehead moist, wiping away the rest with a glide of the back of your hand.

Like all the pictures he had of himself in his gallery, the picture cuts off at the beginning of his neck. This one also cuts off near the knees at the bottom.

“ Jesus christ. ” - Fawnteeth - 2:07 PM

“ Did I do that?. ” - Fawnteeth - 2:07 PM

2:07 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Would you be proud of yourself if you did?”

“ I’d feel special. ” - Fawnteeth - 2:07 PM

2:08 PM - WebRigger2099 - “You’re special, Fawn. Do you know what I would do if you were in front of me right now?”

You sink on your thighs as his words. ‘You’re special’ makes you almost tear up. You’re absolutely charmed by him.

Slowly, you lay on the floor, hovering your phone above your face. It’s hard not to grin, chewing your lip red as you think over your reply.

“ No, can you tell me? ” - Fawnteeth - 2:08 PM

You feel accomplished at that. You’re being so smooth and cool.

You wait patiently, crossing your legs and bouncing one of them in the air.

He doesn’t reply. You feel sweat gathering at the back of your neck. You move from lounging casually to sat cross legged before your mirror. You debate sending another message.

You do not send another message - that would make you look desperate, and you are definitely not desperate. That has to be a massive turnoff anyways - after all, he knows what he’s doing, he’s incredibly attractive and hung. He’s probably so sure of himself. Pestering him would just annoy him.

It isn’t even five minutes you wait before you decide to do anything but stare at your phone. You change into loose pajama pants and toss your shamefully wet panties into the laundry hamper.

You’re halfway through cleaning your room when you hear it.

Your phone pings and, embarrassingly, you drop the bra you were holding to rush for your bed. Feeling like a kid on christmas, your fingers shake as you punch in your passcode and pull up the notification.

2:15 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I’m sorry. I have to go for a few hours.”

Your stomach sinks. You think you might be sick.

“ Oh. Okay. ” - Fawnteeth - 2:15 PM

2:15 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I can message you again tonight after 8.”

“ I’ll hold you to that. ” - Fawnteeth - 2:15 PM

Okay. It isn’t your fault, right? Something’s very clearly up with his life.

Frowning, you force yourself take a deep breath to calm yourself.

You investigate his picture, his bedroom is neat and simple. It’s clearly not a hotel room - it’s got some personal cozy touches and you can see some brick outside the window behind his shoulder. The sheets are messy and the blankets are mismatched. He’s probably just some normal guy, maybe he works in an office and just likes his body.

And… bondage.

Y’know - average weird secret pervert things. Hopefully he isn’t married . You didn’t see a ring on either of his hands or even an indent from one he might have taken off for the photos.

Your eyes eventually drift to the marker discarded on your floor, the end still slick. If he was some kind of weird pervert, what does that just make you?

You look down at your stomach and the small ‘beautiful’ written carefully on it. You need to take a shower and get this off.

You sneak through the house with a change of clothes and your nice shampoo you don’t share with anyone. Your house has one bathroom with a half decent shower, technically being a 2 ½ bath house.

You don’t like the other bathroom that Kore and Babette mostly use. It only has a bathtub - the shower head doesn’t work.

You hop in the shower and are horrified at your discovery. It’s not coming off. The writing doesn’t come off with the dove soap or Aurora’s washing puff. Not even scratching it with your nails does anything but vaguely fade it.

Great.

You try your best to not freak out. You’ll dress like it’s winter until you can wash it off your skin. You should have asked Web if you should use a sharpie.

You wash your hair and dry off the best you can. Thankfully, your loose shorts and loose t-shirt hide the marks as long as you don't let the shorts ride up your thighs too much.

You return to your room and move your chair back into its place. You don’t have work today and you can hear the movement that told you one of your roomies had just gotten home.

Your stomach growls.

You’re hungry - three meals, you remind yourself, Web always somewhere close to the front of your mind. Technically this would your first meal, you did just wake up and… fuck. Anxiously, you tug down your pajama shorts. Lesson learned, that shit doesn’t come off in the shower. You make a note to ask Web for a marker to get that does wash off.

You find yourself questioning why some random faceless man on the internet is the motivation you have to take care of yourself. Shaking away the thought, you explore the tiny freezer stuffed with mostly frozen chicken nuggets. You frown, debating ordering takeout again. You settle on boiling noodles and smothering them in pesto and salt.

You head out to the living room - the room is eternally cluttered like the rest of your college house. The ceiling light doesn’t work, so you and your roomies had hung fairy lights everywhere. The drapes are pulled back to let light in - the lesbian flag with markiplier’s face on it in full display to the whole neighborhood. Four couches meant you had plenty of space to sit, falling in the far corner from the only other person in the room - Aurora.

The bubbly blonde is chomping away at her food, phone propped up on the stained coffee table as some sort of video plays. You eat while listening to something about a person named ‘illuminaughty’.

Aurora looked up from her bowl of fruit loops from the couch, she smiled through a mouthful, cheeks as stuffed as a chipmunk. "Mornin'!" she grinned, never one for table manners.

She wiped her mouth with the back of her arm, "You slept in late."

Her eyes looked you up and down, a perfectly tweezed eyebrow raising to look at your leg. "Were you drawing on yourself?"

You looked down, a purple "L" in sharpie just barely poking out of your shorts. You feel a chill go down your spine. You are fucking mortified.

"Uh...yeah," you say quickly, your brain scrambling for a moment to make up some lie. You couldn't just confess that you'd written on yourself and shoved the marker up your pussy just because a man you didn't even know the name of told you too. "Got bored last night, y'know."

Aurora shrugs, thankfully dropping the subject as she turns her attention back to her bowl of sugar cereal.

You promptly get, desperately pretending that she didn’t notice your sexy leg writing, and power walk to your bedroom. It takes effort to not slam the door.

You stay in your room for the rest of the day because you sure as fuck aren’t hanging around your roomies now. Aurora would question you again - it’s Aurora, and you can’t exactly explain away wearing long pants in June.

So you break out your laptop and watch Delicious in Dungeon. You always have a habit of marathoning random shows on Netflix and it passes the time better than staring at the wall, waiting for Web to message you.

You got popcorn as a snack, maybe you’d eat weird monster food too. Senshi does make it look delicious. You chuckle, realizing the name matches.

Hours passed and the sun is barely setting before you consider taking a nap.

8:00 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Hello Fawn.”

You sit up and snatch your phone up at the ping.

“ Hey. Everything good? ” - Fawnteeth - 8:00 PM

8:00 PM - WebRigger2099 - “It’s fine, just a sudden schedule change. Things moved up quicker than I expected, but I should be done for the night.”

“ Okay. Well… You never answered my question, Web. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:01 PM

“ Also. How do I get sharpie off my skin. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:01 PM

8:01 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Oh Fawn…”

“ I thought I could scrub it off, if I’m honest. I figured… you.. might… know… ” - Fawnteeth - 8:02 PM

8:02 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I do, but maybe I should let you keep it on until it fades normally. A lesson to be more careful. Better this than something more serious.”

“ I should have figured as much. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:02 PM

8:03 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I’m just glad you didn’t shove it deeper. You can’t put things inside without a flare, it’ll get stuck. I didn’t realize I needed to explain things like that to you, but I know better now.”

“ I know that. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:03 PM

8:03 PM - WebRigger2099 - “But not that permanent markers are hard to remove.”

“ Yes. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:03 PM

8:03 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Fawn you are delightfully foolish.”

“ I’m glad you enjoy my suffering. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:03 PM

8:03 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I enjoy your happiness too.”

“ You’re good with words. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:03 PM

8:03 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Better with my hands, but you’ll learn that later.”

“ I’ll make sure to keep that in mind. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:04 PM

“ Well. Now that I’ve made myself a fool, I hope I haven’t turned you off. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:04 PM

8:04 PM - WebRigger2099 - “Hardly. I believe we left off before at ‘what I would do to you if I was there’.”

“ Thank you for mentioning it so.. I didn’t have to bring it up again. I’m still quite curious. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:04 PM

8:04 PM - WebRigger2099 - “You remember the picture I sent you?”

“ I do. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:04 PM

8:04 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I want you to order something. I’ll pay, naturally, but I figure it would be more comfortable if I didn’t know your address so quickly.”

“ Yeah. I think that would take some time. A toy? ” - Fawnteeth - 8:04 PM

8:05 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I have a list. Run away with the money and you won’t hear my answer.”

“ I won’t. But are you sure you want to invest anything in me yet? ” - Fawnteeth - 8:05 PM

8:05 PM - WebRigger2099 - “You’ve invested at least 3 days in me with that marker.”

“ True enough. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:05 PM

8:06 PM - WebRigger2099 - “I’m comfortable financially. This isn’t the hit it might be for a girl your age. You’ve earned some nice things.”

“ Oh. I see. Thank you. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:06 PM

8:06 PM - WebRigger2099 - “No using them without my permission, understood?”

“ Understood, sir. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:06 PM

He sends you the link to an adult website. Your cheeks flush as your screen is filled with all sorts of sex toys and other lewd imagery. Your eyes flicker to your door for a moment, anxiety simmering low in your belly as the thought of someone walking into your room and seeing what you were looking at flashes through your mind. You bite your lip, feeling like a nervous teenager under your father’s roof once again.

You notice that the cart has been pre filled with a number of items: A 6 inch silicone dildo; a Lovense egg vibrator; nipple clamps; a rabbit vibrator; a bottle of water-based lube; and a set of black lingerie that matches your face mask.

Your eyes linger on the cart total. That’s more than your paycheck .

“ You sure? ” - Fawnteeth - 8:09 PM

8:09 PM - WebRigger2099 - “If I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t have sent you the link. There is a gift card code: HGJ-8734-KHW. It’ll cover the expenses and leave a little extra for you to browse and select one or two items that catch your interest.”

“ Okay. Thank you. ” - Fawnteeth - 8:09 PM

8:10 PM - WebRigger2099 - “You’re welcome, Fawn. I take care of my pets.”

#miguel spiderverse #miguel o'hara #spiderman 2099 #atsv miguel #miguel x reader #miguel ohara #into the spider verse #miguel o'hara smut

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hyuckmov · 2 years ago

Text

request #1: meandom!haechan who's still weak for his gf smut, 18+ minors dni, some fluff wc: 1.6k content: oral (f), makeshift gag, pussy slapping, meandom turned softdom haechan, sub-ish reader, unprotected sex, overstimulation, praise a/n: i have no idea if this is good or not anyway something good happened to me today and i thought i would spread some joy and finish off with my first request <3 also i know i said 800-1k but i got a bit carried away LOL as always, i hope this is at least a little hot... thank you so much for sending in the request!

haechan pouts at you. it would be an otherwise cute expression if his heart-shaped lips weren't slick from teasing your clit for the past 20 minutes, and if his arms weren't currently wrapped around your thighs and forcing them wide apart.

"how many times do i have to remind you…" his voice dripping with condescension. "eyes wide open. didn't you promise?"

your mind flits back to how this all began. haechan had been needing some sort of a stress reliever, his hands rough on your skin as he alternated between kissing and biting the side of your neck the moment he arrived home. and while you offered to let him take you then and there, he insisted that he would much prefer it if he could eat you out to his heart's content.

because haechan loved spending his time between your legs, pinning your thighs to each side as he pressed kisses on your clit. circling his tongue over your entrance and sucking and sucking until you were all puffy and ready for him. he didn't usually have the luxury of time when it came to eating you out, as it was either some way to prepare you for his cock, or your whimpers and whines would have driven him completely insane. but today had been different.

tugging your panties down your legs, you barely had time to let out a cry before he had shoved them in your mouth.

"keep your lips shut and your eyes on me, okay? i don't want any distractions." he gave your cheek a light slap, relishing in the way your head jolted but your eyes never left his, fucked out before he had even really begun. "you promise?"

you had nodded.

now, you refocus your eyes on him, going a little cross eyed at the effort to not roll your eyes back into your head at the visual. making his tongue lie flat and wide, he licked broad strokes from your entrance up to your clit, soft moans from him creating a light buzz which sent shocks of pleasure up your spine. not one to keep still, his hips jolted into the bed with each lick, subconsciously chasing his own pleasure while he lost himself in the feeling of your slick folds against his lips. he dipped his tongue into you, feeling you clench.

"are you close?" he breathes, never removing his lips from you as they formed the words. you begin to nod frantically, having had enough of being edged and ignored for what felt like hours. moving your hips as much as you could in his hold, you try to push yourself against his tongue, fucking yourself onto his face. his nose accidentally bumps against your clit, and you can't help but let out a high whine.

the sound makes haechan's eyes narrow. releasing your legs from his hold, he gets up to sit back on his heels, depriving you of any touch completely.

"that's two promises you've broken, baby," he says, but the petname is devoid of any of its usual warmth. there's a sharpness in his voice that's rehearsed and deliberate, and somewhere in the back of your mind you can't say it doesn't thrill you.

his hand reaches out to caress your inner thigh, edging closer and closer to the space between your legs. suddenly, with a flick of his wrist, he delivers a harsh slap to your pussy. you mewl, involuntarily arching your back at how the feeling stings.

"you're gushing," he mocks. roughly, he prods two fingers around your hole, spreading your arousal all around. "does baby enjoy being punished?"

you can't decide whether to shake your head or nod your head, so you give a tiny whimper.

"jury's still out?" he pouts again, and it's almost obscene how the innocent expression tugs at his features, as if he hadn't buried his face in your cunt a minute ago. "guess we'll have to try again." this time, you're a bit more prepared for when his hand comes down on your clit twice, your hips stuttering as you try to jolt away and chase his touch at the same time. affected more than he's letting on, he lets out a groan as he watches the way your body shudders, completely ruined and ready for him.

"gonna fuck you now," he breathes, tugging his sweatpants off hastily. his heavy hands pull at your waist, arranging your limbs so that your hips are tilted towards him and your legs are pushed up, almost brushing his shoulders. lining himself up to your entrance, he taps his hard cock a few times against your clit, running it along your slit as he throws his head back to let out a low moan. his eyes half lidded, he begins to pump his cock lazily, spreading a mixture of your arousal and his pre-cum all over his shaft.

he looks so pretty in the moment, his chest heaving, his face glistening in an ethereal way and his eyebrows furrowing with a small crease as he pleasures himself. puffy lips stretched open as he pushes his tongue into his cheek, his whimpers melting with the obscene sounds of him stroking himself filling up the still air in the room, that the words slip out of your mouth as a mumble of sounds.

"what?" he pants, reaching in your mouth with his unoccupied hand to tug out your makeshift gag. he harshly squeezes at your cheeks a few times as you take in a few deep breaths. "words."

"i love you," you say, softly. the haze in your mind slowly clearing, you wrap a hand on his wrist and pull his hand off your face, intertwining your fingers together. "you're so good to me. i love you."

haechan stills. it's not his first time hearing you tell him you love him, so why does it make his heart start to race in an entirely different way? his cheeks flush red, as he looks down at your hand clasped in his, something so sweet and tender about the way your fingers caress his.

"you're so pretty," you continue, mumbling to yourself more than him. you can't reach his face or his neck to trace the moles you know by memory, so you settle for giving his side a small squeeze.

at your words, at the look of you all pliant and lovely beneath him, all the harshness drained out of his body as he lowered your legs down onto the bed gently. leaning down to wrap you into an embrace, his mouth finally finds yours as he kisses you slowly and deeply, letting you taste yourself on his tongue.

"haechan…" you start, before biting your lip, trying to keep your sounds to yourself.

he shakes his head. "wanna hear you, baby," he tugs your bottom lip out with his teeth before kissing you again, his hands moving to your chest to softly thumb over your nipples. "let's take it slow from now, okay?" it's almost jarring, the way he makes soft shushing noises to comfort you as he pushes into you slowly, his cock stretching you open little by little.

"so fucking good, baby," he mouths against your skin, a slight tremble coursing through him as he tries not to cum immediately at the feeling of your tight walls sucking him in. "fuck, are you okay?" running a soothing hand along your thigh, he coaxes you into relaxing your muscles, and the tension in your body clears.

"wanna cum, haechan, please," you choke out, the feeling of him buried within your walls but not moving, your clit left neglected after rounds of relentless teasing, being too much to bear. "i've been good, i've-"

"you've been perfect," haechan cuts you off gently, pressing kisses from your collarbones up to the space under your jaw which always makes you melt inside. "my baby's always perfect for me."

with that, he begins to move, rolling his hips into you, gentle fingers rubbing at your clit in circular motions in time with each thrust. "feels so good, baby," he praises. "so warm and so wet, fuck…"

you think you can feel all of him, each vein and each ridge, the head of his cock hitting the soft spot inside you that has you coming undone on him rapidly. you whimper, hands pawing at his chest trying to let him know you were close, but haechan is already steps ahead. his free hand intertwines with yours, and he squeezes your hand tight as he speeds up, barely pulling out with each stroke before he's stuffing you full of him again.

"cum for me please? wanna feel you cum on me," he murmurs, gently sponging kisses on your shoulder. you cum just like that, moans and curses falling from your mouth as you fall apart on his fingers and cock. the visual of you, back arching against him and mouth slack-jawed with pleasure, pushes haechan over the edge too as he lets go, spilling his warm cum into you.

"love feeling you around me," he gasps, motions slowing to a stop, but the words twist into a sharp whine as you start to fuck yourself onto him, desperate for more. "fuck, stop, it's too much-"

"haechan," you plead with him. "i need you." the pent up frustration making you feel needy again, as you push your hips upwards.

he doesn't know exactly what effect you have on him, all he knows is that he needs to satisfy you, needs to hear more of your pretty sounds and feel your hands tracing against his skin. tears sting at his eyes as he pushes through the overstimulation, thrusting into your swollen pussy, feeling himself getting hard again.

"love you," he groans, as you latch yourself onto him, wanting to feel him as much as possible. "love you so much." and you can tell from the way he makes you cum again, and again, and again, that he does. tags: @91qowngus, @sundhaelatte, @jaemboi64, @sassy-author (wasn't able to tag those in italics, idk why😭)

#haechan smut #haechan scenario #haechan fluff #haechan au #haechan imagine

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 8 months ago

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📚inch resting bits from the march twst manga updates📚 (octa, savana, & 4koma!)

***Manga spoilers below the cut (with an emphasis on the Episode of Octavinelle, since that's my favorite dorm!)***

The 4koma manga has dropped! Again, it centers around the daily lives of the NRC boys and is shown in a 4 panel gag comic format.

In the illustration above, we see the main cast with Grim's beloved tuna cans~

This month has comics about Ace going to a supplementary lesson (to learn how to manipulate brooms to do his chores) and Leona attending his art class. The comic depicts Leona, Idia, and Rook in the same art class though we're not sure if this is true in-game yet. However, the comics do carry over the continuity of Ace and Deuce being in Trein's class so maybe the art class thing is also true of Leona?

From the Episode of Savanaclaw manga: I KNOW WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN AWE OF DIASOMANI'S PRESENCE BUT ALL I'M THINKING IS THAT DIASOMNIA HAS A MOB STUDENT WITH A BOWL CUT 😭

I'm also really fixated on how this mangaka draws her lashes and hair, they're always bangers every time 💗

Ruggie "bleh" face... Also???? That full page of him using his UM... and the visualization of the wildebeests racing with him like the people in the crowd, very Lion King.

I like that the manga really shows us more emotional and intense moments the game cannot depict due to its limited assets. Here, we see the aftermath of Ruggie using his UM on the crowd. Even with Azul's magic-enhancement potion, Ruggie has taken a great physical toll from spellcasting. Falling to his knees, panting... This will make it hurt more when Leona almost poofs him to sand later 😭

These panels remind me of like. Scar looking on from up high while the hyenas do his bidding. Ruggie's expression... it's so full of a desperate kind of hope has he gazes up at his "king".

From the Episode of Octavinelle, we get to see Leona post-OB and recovering in the infirmary. Side note, I really love how the mangaka adds these cute little faces to let us know who is speaking in certain text bubbles. The little faces make some of the cutest expressions; just look at that cheeky chibi Leona head!

Here, Ruggie is telling everyone about rumors that Azul and the twins purposefully prevent their clients from fulfilling their end of the contract so they can reap the benefits. I like how the scene shown is a boat tipping over (with the twins implied to have flipped it). Nice callback to the boat scene in The Little Mermaid!

We have another The Little Mermaid reference here, where Floyd shares his UM with the gang?? The hypothetical man here reminds me of Prince Eric, especially in that white shirt and appearing as though he is drowning.

Guys... Azul's been taking modeling lessons from Vil-- I really like these more quiet and contemplative moments of Azul; plenty of those are featured this month.

asdbhlfdbaifyoaiygoeia I WILL NOW ALWAYS ASSOCIATE AZUL THINKING HARD WITH SITTING IN THAT CHAIR... There's so many shots of him seated here...

Yuuta continues to be my favorite manga!Yuu so far by diligently tidying up Leona's messy ass room for him... asfvkyadvfialf Grim looks so goofy helping out, that tower of clothes is half his size...

FLOYD'S FACE IS SO siLLy HERE TOO (this is the scene when Ruggie recalls seeing his eel form during a P.E. class where they swam). The mangaka really decided to summon his gremlin energy here...

Aaaaah, I love this shot; it sort of parallels Azul and Leona... It also makes me realize the difference between how Leona's hair is in Octavinelle vs Savanaclaw (due to the different mangaka). In Octavinelle, his hair is usually a solid black with white highlights but in Savanaclaw there tends to be a subtle gradient/screen tone on Leona's hair.

Anyway, twins Twins TWINS

GOOD WAY TO CLOSE OUT THE OCTA CHAPTER, EXCELLENT WAY TO CLOSE OFF THE OCTA CHAPTER IN FACT 🫶 Can you tell I love the Tweel parts/j

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bullet-clubs-bitch · 9 months ago

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Okay, hear me out: Do you mind writing a NSFW alphabet about CM Punk? :P

CM PUNK NSFW ALPHABET I8+ NSFW content

NSFW ALPHABET MASTERLIST MAIN MASTERLIST

CM PUNK MASTERLIST

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

He is very loving and nurturing

He will hold you close and tell you how much he loves you as he whispers sweet nothings as you fall asleep

Although Phil has a bit of a mean streak, intimacy is something he won’t take for granted with you

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

On him, his favourite part is his tattoos (which you agree)

He loves the way his painted canvas looks against your bare one

He loves the sight of his tattooed hands around your throat

On you he adores everything

He could never pick just one thing

He is obsessed with you, he worships your body like a god

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

He is a dirty old man, he loves the sight of you covered in his seed

Whether it’s pouring out of you or dripping all over you, he loves it

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

His little secret is how obsessed he is with you

He completely obsessed with you, in an insane crazy way

Even before you started dating he would stalk you

Punk would kill with his bear hands if it meant he could have you

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

With age comes experience, he is very experienced

He has been with many many women in his age so he knows s thing or two

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Missionary; he loves the intimacy it provides

Cowgirl; he loves it when you ride him

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He is very serious, almost a bit mean

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Clean shaven

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

When he wants to be Phil can be quite the romantic

Worshiping your body like a temple

Slowly making you come undone

He loves to take his time with you

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Multiple times a day

He needs that release, mainly because he is always turned on around you

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

dd/lg (heavy on this)

Daddy kink

Hair pulling

Impact play

BDSM

Breeding kink

Pregnancy kink

Bondage

Biting

Cock warming

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

Anywhere and everywhere he will take you anywhere he can

Besides the privacy in your home or hotel, he loves water sex, the beach, the pool all of it

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Anything

He gets turned on by anything

Your sent, your smile, the way your fingers linger on his for a second too long

He’s embarrassed about the effect you have on him

He’s like a horney teenage boy around you

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

Sharing, he’s a selfish man

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Although he gives he would rather receive

He loves the sight of you underneath him gagging on his cock

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

He is hard and rough

Fucking you into obliviation

He loves to turn your brain into mush

He can be mean during sex but behind the tough guy act there is so much love behind it

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

When he needs you he needs you

Although he is not the biggest fan of quickies they occur more often than you think

They will occur backstage before a match or when one of his co-workers gets a bit too friendly with you

Sometimes he might take you in the car if you misbehave

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Phil is a risky man, he likes to play games

However, he will always pass them by you first before trying something new

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

I don’t see him lasting very long, typically before you

However, he can go several rounds in a row before getting tired

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He has a special collection just for you

Silk handcuffs, a variation of vibrators

He loves to use them with you

Oh and don’t forget the collar (IYKYK)

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

CM Punk is a big tease, he loves to mess with you all the time

He will feel bad for it after but in the moment he loves it

He loves it when you beg him to go faster after purposely going painfully slow

Begging for your orgasm

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He’s quite loud

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

👀👀👀👀

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

6 inches

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

So high, like a teenage boy

It’s not normal

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He doesn’t fall asleep fast at all

He would probably watch you sleep tbh

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whatudowhennooneseesyou · 7 months ago

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Can a request more about Felix dominant side? I thinks he hides a lot of potential to be a Dom, he would be perfect for for a late bloomer, he seems very warm,but also controlling if he wants to

🥺

𝘍𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘹 𝘓𝘦𝘦 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘏𝘪𝘴 𝘋𝘰𝘮 𝘌𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘨𝘺:

I feel like my warnings are getting so repetitive but I gotta include it in every post.

I'm using astrology so nothing I say is accurate or confirmed- it's completely theoretical.

Anyway- let's go!!

Out of the members of Stray Kids- I would honestly say Felix isn't one of the best members for a late bloomer relationship BECAUSE of his overthinking tendencies with all his Virgo placements.

He might tend to think TOO hard about being such a good boyfriend and giving you the best late bloomer experience that he'll probably forget to just live in the moment.

His Aries Moon also indicates impatience and he might want to try too many things too quickly and it might get overwhelming.

One of the best traits of having a Libra Venus is they value equality in the relationship and Felix might feel like he has TOO much power in the relationship with his experience and you're lack of experience.

But to end this on a positive level, I think no matter what...Felix is going to try his absolute best to be the best ever 'first ever' boyfriend for you.

Now for his dom energy- yes while I think Felix is one of the more 'submissive' members of Stray Kids- I don't think he's 90% submissive and he's more of a balanced switch than what people realise.

This will be shorter than Ateez readings b/c I don't have Felix's Rising Sign so I can't analyse his house placements but his Aries Moon/Leo Mars are great placements to indicate he has 'dom' energy.

I feel his dominant energy would come out when he's pushed hard enough-like if he's jealous of somebody flirting with you or his masculinity feels challenged in a way.

His voice will get deeper, his eyes will darken and become more stern and his grip against you might be more tight.

'I'm not worried about you getting attention sweetie, I'm worried about the way he looks at you'.

I've seen him on-stage and when he's performing- he has a very powerful and 'manly' energy which juxtaposes against the 'fairy' concept he's confined to with group dynamics.

Both Felix Lee and Han Jisung have a Leo Mars and men with a Leo Mars typically love heated-in the moment type of sex and are visual people.

And yeah- as a dom with a Libra Mercury...you best believe he'll talk you through it.

Would watch you put mascara on in the mirror and then he'll randomly think about how pretty you'd look with his cock in your mouth and mascara running down your cheeks.

'You look so pretty as you gag on my cock sweetheart, want to paint your face and see your mouth covered in me'.

Lipstick smeared, stockings ripped, bra straps falling, buttons torn are some of the things he'd find so sexy- having a Leo Mars means he can be quite primal in the bedroom.

But it would take him a lot of teasing or jealousy to get to that unhinged level of dominance- and it would take A LOT of time (and rounds) for him to break out of it.

It's why I love Felix with black hair SAUR MUCH!!! because I think it brings out his dominant energy and doesn't confine him to 'baby subby pixie Felix' persona.

I also just want to appreciate the Taste fancam and this performance b/c I think this fit and song was the key for Felix stans to think-

Oh shit- He could be a dom.

#i miss felix with black hair so much it's my fave look on him #and his hair don't look fried half the time #stray kids smut #skz smut #felix lee smut #anon ask #answered ask #astrology ask #felix lee x reader #stray kids hard hours #skz hard hours #skz x reader

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yuurei20 · 11 months ago

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hello! first of all I love all that you do, its so helpful having something I can come back and refrence when needed. secondly I would like to ask for your help, I swear in the prologue book with Crowley in the library they used the same sound effect as Divuss whip/pointer and I swear the model of Crowley even in that moment was holding a whip but going back and trying to find it has been fruitless for me, am I going insane or was this something that maybe they took out in an update or was it not in the english verson? many thanks.

Hello hello!! Thank you so much, you are too kind! ♡

I am not sure if he was ever physically holding a whip (he does not seem to have one in his sprites), but you are very right that there is a whip sound effect in that moment!

Grim is bound and gagged by something in the game that the novel explains in more detail (below).

While the situation is vague on both EN and JP in the game, it is possibly moreso on EN because of untranslatable wordplay:

After the whip-crack sound, Grim reacts as though he is in pain and Crowley says, "Consider it tough love."

And in Japanese the kanji used to express "tough love" is love (愛) and whip (鞭) (literally, "whip of love"), but it is just a form of expression and (usually) doesn't mean literal whipping is taking place.

We've never had an official, visual representation of Crowley with a whip (not in the game guide, manga or the game itself, though the novel may have solved the mystery), but this is not the only time "tough love" comes up:

Later on in the prologue Grim refers to Crowley's "whip of love" binding him, using the katakana for "whip of love" rather than the kanji for "tough love," possibly because he only knows the attack by the name that Crowley used for it.

Crowley repeats his, "It's tough love!" line again on JP, possibly for the wordplay.

While sometimes things happen in the novel that don't happen in the game at all (and vice verse), it can be useful as a reference, and the violence of the "tough love" scene is described as follows:

"A long, black cloth wraps around Grim, binding his limbs and torso in an instant. The fabric stretches and contracts, moving as if alive.

'What the…! What is this rope?'

'It's not a rope. It's my tough love.'

The masked man points the end of the staff he holds at Grim.

'You tried to use magic just now, didn't you? We cannot have you thrashing around in a cramped place like this.'

'If you're gonna take it this far--grr.'

'Tried to use magic again, did you? You may not.'

Now with his mouth covered as well as his body, Grim bounces around at their feet.

Every time the man waves his key-shaped staff, the wriggling cloth he refers to as 'tough love' tightens around Grim. It is not unlike a large snake devouring a frog." -Twisted Wonderland the First Novel

And something similar might be happening in the game! While "lashings of love" is great localization, it means that EN loses Grim's actual line of, "He's gonna bind us up," as if something similar happened to Grim in the game as what happened in the novel--he was tied up--but due to the limitations of the visual novel medium, we weren't able to see it.

And right after Grim gives this warning there are two whip-crack sounds, and Grim and Ace are suddenly closer together on screen:

This might be to represent that they were tied together by Crowley's cloth! While it might also just be Grim hiding behind Ace--visual novels tend to leave a lot to the imagination--Ace and Grim getting tied up by Crowley's cloth is exactly what happens in the novel:

"Though he, too, tries to flee, Ace finds himself magically bound along with Grim, perhaps for being seen with his pen in his hand.” - “Still bound, Ace desperately shakes his head.” - “The laughing Grim is bound even tighter by the cord.” - “Crowley nods as he unties the cord from around the shocked-looking Ace.” - “Looking exhausted, Ace stands up and brushes the dirt from his uniform.” - Twisted Wonderland the First Novel

If you've ever seen fan art of Crowley with a whip, this is why! But I am not sure that the weapon he is using has ever been portrayed on-screen, in the form of a whip, magic cloth or otherwise :>

#twstask #twisted wonderland

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stripedstarsblueflags · 2 months ago

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i didn't win the wheel: episode 9 (pt. 1)

why did williams have to choose the freakiest content setup for the time in the season when their drivers' mental health is going to be at its lowest (so far)? seriously, this could’ve been GOLD. instead we’ve got some sad and understated praise kink and a lot of vegetables. anyway. to elaborate:

Logan: “What’s up, everyone… this is what’s-that-crunch… wheel-or-no-wheel. What we’re exactly doing here I’m not sure–”

yeah, exactly what i meant. ever see someone look that disengaged with a blindfold on? you have now. and oh god this image is a punch in the gut. the symbolism in this particular frame GAGS ME. logan is completely blindfolded, painfully and poorly delivering an unoriginal script that clearly has been fed to him seconds before the camera turns on. alex, on the other hand, is lifting his blindfold up, looking around, taking in logan and the room around them and the camera crew… honestly, you gotta feel for the williams pr team, because in this instance they’ve accidentally shown us what it’s like to have one of their drivers restricted by their device and yet forced to lead anyway while the other is dealing with a similar obstacle while being allowed and encouraged to overcome it. genuinely a coincidence but such a flop. thank god none of the fans who watch this are analytical hyperreactive overachievers who look into every single aspect of these videos with merciless scrutiny and rainbow-colored glasses, right?

omg how did i just now notice that under that stupid skinny ass table both their legs are almost touching except alex is a giraffe so he has to keep his giraffe ankles tucked awkwardly back closer to the chair legs so he’s not taking up logan’s space but he still wants to have horrible posture so he’s a half-folded lawn chair wtfffffff this is too cute!!

Logan (still doing the intro)(still confusedly): “But you know whoever wins… gets to spin tha’ wheel.”

THANK YOU, LOGAN SARGEANT. this is what i meant about blindfolds 🤝 freak content, except usually when we have other teams do this there’s usually a pretty big goofball element to it (even charlos always brings goofball to the kink). this tiny snippet on the other hand looks suspiciously like he’s doing it on purpose. just looking at the gif doesn’t begin to cover it, even to my own eyes it looks like i’m reading too much into it paired with the visual alone but it’s all in the tone of voice. i REALLY recommend rewatching this episode because there’s no way i can do it justice in just words. the closest i can get to is my favorite word to use when someone’s voice is being sexy which is ‘lilt’. like there’s no seduction or husk or anything obviously intentional like that it’s more like you can just hear the slow arrogance in their voice. the way the pitch fluctuations almost singsong like just on the edge of a taunt no matter what the actual words are saying. it’s how people say i’ve got you right where i want you.

and also. THE VISUAL?? IS STILL A THING?? logan is blindfolded since the start of the video, so until this point he’s just been facing some meaningless direction because, duh, he can’t actually see. he doesn’t even make much of an effort to face the camera as he’s introducing the show even though he obviously remembers where it is. but the shift. the turning to the camera for just a split second and his deadpan expression flickering into a lazy smirk and his voice gets ✨like that✨ and here we go game show hosts and their attraction to inanimate objects but by the time he gets to “that wheel” (tha’ wheel) he’s turning right back to alex. who at this point is probably also blindfolded. and can’t see logan. and even if he isn’t and is still fidgeting logan doesn’t know that because LOGAN CAN’T SEE SHIT. but he remembers the bit alex likes and instead of just repeating the same old same old (which we know alex will laugh at no matter how many times) he makes this tiny adjustment in just the body language and the tone of voice alone and now we’ve transitioned from him flirting with the wheel to him flirting with alex. fuck. this is episode four and episode one territory why does depression get in the way of everything

Alex: *celery noises*

Logan: “….can you take another bite?”

[both laugh]

what is this challenge like– oh my god i can’t take it any seriously than they can. first of all the ASMR mic-ed up crunching? major ick, we all know what celery sounds like, we don’t need Celery (Alex’s Version). but it’s so unbearably awkward that it ends up being hilarious anyway. logan having no idea how to ask that question (because what kind of question is “can you take another bite so i can intently listen to it with my head leaned towards your face and my eyes covered”) but at the very least it helps them bring some warmth into the activity. up to this point (with flirtatious logan appearance being a notable exception) they’ve seemed very… isolated. logan’s entire vibe is “why did you wake me up for this” at 3 pm and alex is left without 1) an interesting sport or task he actually wants to do AND 2) logan to help him stay present, cause logan is entirely matching alex’s “how long do i have to be here” energy and when they plateau like this the awkwardness becomes nauseating. until finally the game itself is so stupid that they can’t play it without laughing at the activity and themselves and even when he’s looking down logan’s smile is such a relief to see

also, alex staring intently at logan and leaning all the way over and chewing with his mouth open and trying to be as helpful as possible even while logan’s mind is entirely tv static. adorable. so often alex forgets to treat these challenges as a competition and instead to him it’s like a group activity, a puzzle they have to work together to solve like mice in a maze or smth because it’s not fun for him if logan’s losing

Alex: *pepper noises*

Logan: “A bit softer…”

Alex: “Mm. Good.”

Logan: “…one more.”

ooooh okay i like that a lot better. so the first try (celery) was a flop; already in this second item we see some changes. because what did i say alex has way more fun when this is a little puzzle they have to solve together rather than them both trying to stump the other. remember lewis looking up “most difficult words to lip-read” in that noise cancelling headphone thing against george? alex brings a very different energy. i can’t believe i’m analyzing chewing techniques now but from the very first bite he’s ending his sentence early, swallowing, leaning closer, the concentration is evident on his face with how clear he’s trying to make this crunch sound. and then logan starts talking out loud, trying to narrate his thought process basically, but not trying to trick anyone into giving him a hint– it’s sort of like on grill the grid when he thinks out loud not to entice a clue but to prove “hey, i’m thinking! i’m putting effort into this! i’m actually trying i just don’t know the answer please don’t think i’m stupid” and alex– who at this point is supposed to be competing, how many times do i have to remind– is audibly encouraging him. only leans back when he can tell logan’s on the right track (sort of).

and that in turn– just the word ‘good’ is an evident confidence boost for logan. it doesn’t take a lot to get him to turn around, alex doesn’t have to worry about being patronizing or sounding like he’s trying too hard but the fact that alex is observing how he’s doing in the first place and noticing when he improves/gets something right even in a game is enough. and so the next time logan asks for a repeat it’s not a really awkward sentence, it’s not “i’m gonna say this in a goofy voice because i’m so uncomfortable asking this that i have to make this funny because otherwise the embarrassment is going to kill both of us” it’s a command. like god shivers down my spine. and alex doesn’t laugh either he just takes another bite good boy because this is how he prefers to play the game! together!

still didn’t guess the pepper but moving on!

ok this is just adorable. alex what were you doing

didn’t set out for this to be a two-parter (maybe more???) but whenever there’s a blindfold the body language goes CRAZY to overcompensate and there’s always so much more to analyze! so breaking this down for now!

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pretty1npnk · 20 days ago

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𝜗𝜚 ... CHOUKA AIKAWA AND A PINK CARPET ... MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN !

After her massive debut this year, of course everyone's favorite Barbie had to pull up to FicFest! So, how was Chouka's experience at the event of the year?

SHE'S FASHION'S FAVORITE B*TCH ... !

Of course, Chouka had to wear pink on a pink carpet. This is Chouka we're talking about. Being the industry's resident fashion expert and girly girl, she stunned in three archive pieces in one night. Her pink carpet look was Jean Louis Scherrer S/S 1988, gloves and all. Her presentation look was Guy Laroche S/S 1991, and her after-party look was Versace F/W 1991. Despite being a Dior ambassador, Chouka refuses to chain herself to the brand. We love that for her!

Seven years in the game and still, no one knows how Chouka manages to source her looks, but she's Chouka Aikawa. It's self-explanatory at this point.

FROM LEFT TO RIGHT ! ... Jean Louis Scherrer S/S '88, Guy Laroche S/S '91, Versace F/W '91

Bringing Chouka's look together was her ever impeccable hair and makeup, the makeup of which was done by Chouka herself. She was praised for days by the press and netizens alike, with many comparing her to a princess and, of course, a Barbie. High fashion Twitter couldn't get enough of her, but what's new?

BUT WHAT ABOUT HER PERFORMANCE ... !

Gagged me. Gagged you. Gagged your mother. Gagged your mother's second cousin. Gagged your dog. Chouka gagged everyone with this performance, girl!

Now, what she performed wasn't a new song by any means. "Silk 'N Diamonds" was already on Sincerely. However, it was unfortunately regulated to a deep cut and rarely performed live, and damn, weren't Rosettes mad! So, when Chouka decided to finally give everyone what they'd been waiting for at FicFest, her fans couldn't have been happier.

Everything from the stage design, to her costume, to her hair (she was wearing a tiara, by the way!) was praised to hell and back, because of course it was. But, you'll have to watch it yourself! Which you can see...

HERE ... !

HER BEST MOMENTS ... !

001. A CHAT WITH CLÉO! (@hausofanya)

One of the interviewers on FicFest's pink carpet was Stray Kids' Cléo Torell, whom Chouka definitely had to chat with! From the three things she couldn't live without (hint: it's definitely her closet) to the fact that she couldn't shut up about her newlywedded husband Jason (justified, honestly), it was quite the interesting interview. You can read all of it here!

002. CUTEST COUPLE AT FICFEST!

Oh my God, Jason and Chouka were the cutest thing ever that night. From giggling and publicly flirting during a joint interview to Jason being the first one to give his wife a standing ovation, they said to hell with netizens and were as lovey-dovey as possible. But the best part? Jason pulling Chouka into both a kiss and a hug after her performance. Needless to say, Rosettes in the crowd went batshit. Get yourself a man like Jason Day-Fujiwara, y'all.

003. "YES, I LIKED THE PERFORMANCES. NO, I DON'T HATE ANYONE."

Chouka is known for her resting bitch face, as seen with all the shots of her in the front rows of Parisian fashion shows. And of course, her RBF was on full display during FicFest. But, that doesn't mean she hated being there! However, there were some people (read: Twitter users) that... didn't like how she looked during some of their faves' performances. It got to the point where after the ceremony, an interviewer asked Chouka if she liked the performances from her fellow idols. Her response? "Yes, I liked the performances. No, I don't hate anyone."

Chouka had to tack on a couple more words, of course, saying, "Well, I do strongly dislike some people, but I don't need to name names right now. Regardless, cool it with the misogyny."

An icon as always.

004. TWO PRETTY GIRLS PRESENTING!

Chouka had the pleasure of presenting "Most Visually Pleasing Lineup" during the ceremony, alongside the second gen visual herself, Park Ah-reum of DI-VERSE (famously known as Ahri). The duo to end all duos, the fact that they were paired together was a hot topic all down the timeline. On Chouka's end, everything about her while on that stage was a talking point. From the fact that she changed her dress to her professional attitude to even her voice (her accent is always a favorite), Chouka Aikawa was definitely one of FicFest's "It" girls. But, that's not surprising in the slightest.

THE AFTER-PARTY ... !

Following the ceremony, Chouka invited everyone she knew to her very pink penthouse apartment in Hannam the Hill for Chouka's Very Pink Afterparty! Complete with rosé champagne and other pink cocktails, hors d'oeuvres in various shades of, well... pink, and even a photobooth (in, you guessed it, pink), this afterparty is one of the hottest on the block! Like a cross between a high-end cocktail party and the cutest tea party ever, it's all you'll ever talk about!

Chouka would say "girls only," but unfortunately for her, everyone's welcome.

DO YOU 🫵🏽 WANT TO ATTEND THE PINKEST AFTERPARTY ON THE PLANET? WELL, SIMPLY SEND A DM TO THIS ACCOUNT & AN INVITE WILL BE ON YOUR WAY ... ! 𝜗𝜚

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giowritess · 10 months ago

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fortnight [3]

gif by @dameronscopilot

pairing | Benny Miller x female!reader [Grace Stratford]summary | you somehow end up pretending to be Benny's girlfriend for two whole weeks. is your heart going to survive that? probably not. warnings | making out? not sure that counts as a warning. curse words. benny miller is a warning himself word count | 1,5k author's note | this part is entirely dedicated to @murphys-guidelines bc i really loved the words they said <3 also, thank you for 400 followers!!! things are slowly (finally) starting to get steamy!! i don't know why, but i've started to imagine Grace as Andy Herrera on Station 19 season 5 (curly, dark-red hair), if anyone'd like a visual. as always, english isn't my first language and this wasn't proofread. enjoy! part two | masterlist | main masterlist

The moment Benny left the room, Maddie flooded you with questions that you replied as best as you could. To be honest, you didn't have that many answers for yourself, either. After you finally managed to dodge her inquiry of what conversation he was talking about—you loved her like a sister, but you weren't ready to divulge certain details yet—, you both enjoyed the rest of the day by the pool with the rest of the girls while the boys went fishing.

The whole time you were there, either laying on the chair or going for a swim, you felt Sam's eyes on you, glaring. A smirk played on your lips, even though it was just for show. If she was already jealous, Benny would need only snap his fingers once and she'd crawl back to him. That thought alone made you want to gag. Shit, you didn't want them to get back together, and you wanted to kick yourself in the gut for even suggesting it in the first place. You had to remember yourself he wasn't yours—he was just pretending to be.

So you made your best not to think about him the whole day, forcing your mind to think about anything else, even about take-off procedures. But you failed. Just when you thought you won, he came back to plague your thoughts—even during your shower, which you had to switch to the coldest temperature when you started to imagine him, shirtless, his golden chest glistening with sweat.

Evening had already set when the boys finally got back, bringing the so eagerly waited fish for dinner. You didn't know shit about fishing, so you had no idea which kind of fish it was, happily waiting for dinner. And the moment you set eyes on Benny, shit. He was looking exactly like you pictured him, his chest glowing and slick with sweat from the activities of the day. He caught your eye from throughout the room and winked at you, smirking, and you felt your cheeks heating up and looked away—but then you remembered as far as everyone was concerned, he was your boyfriend. No one would find it weird. So you decided you were going to enjoy this perk of being Benny's girlfriend and downright ogled him whenever you could. Who knew when you'd have the same opportunity again, right? So, as he worked in the kitchen with the boys, doing only god knows what, you sipped your beer and enjoyed the show of his arms, his abs, his neck, everything. You could feel your fingers itching— you wanted so desperately to get your hands on him. Unfortunately, your show was cut short when he said he was taking a shower. The moment you saw him taking a step towards you, smirk still in his face, you backed away.

“I swear to God you'll lose your balls if you touch me all sweaty like this,” you wasted no time in telling him.

He rolled his eyes. “Dramatic.”

You thought you were clear, but the moment you tried to make your way past him, he grabbed you by the waist and planted some very wet kisses all over your face, his chest glued to yours, until you pushed him away, squeaking.

“You’re so dead!”

He only laughed as he vanished, escaping from your grasp. You couldn't deny that, even though he left you all stinky, there was a smile on your lips that only got bigger when you saw that your ex was watching intently.

“Stratford!” Luke called out. “Wanna play some cards?”

“You mean, do I wanna kick everyone's ass? Hell yeah,” you replied, tossing your empty beer in the trash bin and grabbing another from the fridge, making your way towards the living room where they were all headed.

After winning four rounds in a row, they were all eager to get rid of you at the game table. You faked a yawn.

“I'm tired of winning,” you said, making them boo, and you laughed.

Even though you weren't that close with that many people, you were having a great time. Everyone was really nice, good to talk to, and you had no problem striking a conversation with anyone—that was, anyone that wasn't Sam, your ex and his new girlfriend.

Maddie started to play in your spot, so you sat on the couch quietly watching.

“Heard you're in the family now,” Will said, slipping in next to you. There was a suspicious smirk on his lips. “Finally.”

What? You raised an eyebrow, about to ask him what the fuck he meant with that, but then Benny showed up and all thoughts ceased to exist in your head. You smelled his addictive cologne before you felt his giant arms wrapping around your body, tugging you closer until your back hit his chest, making you sit between his open legs. His right hand stood at your sides, lightly grazing your thigh, while his left hand started to slowly creep its way upward your body and you felt your breath hitch. You weren't sure you could even speak, could even string two coherent sentences together. And then, to make matters even worse, his lips made contact with the skin on your neck while his hand gently pushed your hair out of the way.

“Benny,” you managed to croak out, your voice a thin whisper, “what are you doing?”

“Practicing.”

And that was it. You were putty in his hands. His hands that were doing an excellent work of massaging your skin, tracing circles on your shoulder and on your thigh, the sensations so good that, combined with the way he was kissing and nibbling at your neck, made the entire room fade away and made you want to moan out loud. His big, strong hands that you knew just how well they could take you apart, piece by piece, and then put you back together again. His touch on your thigh turned a bit more stronger as he sucked on your pulse point, and you automatically leaned to give him more access. You felt his chuckle against your skin, his warm breath and his cologne enveloping you in a cozy embrace, and you closed your eyes, enjoying the feeling of him on you and drawing out all the sounds around.

It was so, so good. So good to the point that it almost felt real.

That thought made your eyes pop open, awareness seeping into you like a bucket of cold water being thrown at your head that you were on a couch, in a room filled with friends, and all this, whatever it was that was happening, was a farce. It wasn't real. Nothing about it was.

But then it was as if someone had tapped on your shoulder. It wasn't real. That was exactly the point. You both knew it wasn't real, so why the fuck couldn't you enjoy this hellhole you'd put yourself in? You hated yourself. That seemed the only logical, possible explanation as to why on earth you would willingly subject yourself to this, to the worst possible kind of torture. What a way to kill yourself.

Grace Stratford, cause of death: heart gave out because her fake boyfriend was too hot to handle. Among other things, like, a) he gave excellent kisses, b) very skilled fingers (and tongue), etc.

You forced yourself to relax against his chest so he wouldn't realize just how much your thoughts were spiraling, and you felt his arms wrap themselves even more tight around you. Being honest to God, it was funny. It was as if you were out of your own body and could see inside your head, could see the gears working at full speed and the thoughts piling one on top of another, and then derailing like a runaway train. It also felt as if you had a tiny angel and a tiny devil sitting at each of your shoulders, both feeding you conflicting thoughts. Honestly, you didn't have a clue what to do. Proper girlfriends enjoyed their boyfriend's PDAs, but there was nothing proper about you, about Benny, or about this fake relationship. There was nothing proper on what you felt for him, either.

Fuck. Yep, you definitely hated yourself.

You wanted to laugh. Just earlier you’d decided to enjoy the perks of being his fake girlfriend, enjoying the opportunity to ogle him. But now, when it got a little too real…

You had to make a choice. To let go, enjoy and make the most of this hellhole-situation, or not. You knew the price would be heavy on your heart, and you still weren't so sure that you wanted to pay it. And you didn't want to decide just yet, so you ended up taking the coward's way out. You fled to the kitchen, running out of Benny's lap faster than your legs could carry you when someone asked for help.

That night you made sure to go to bed before him just so you wouldn't have to face him and talk. Yeah, you knew that put you at the top position of the cowards’ leaderboard. Couldn't help yourself. It was easier to run away, so you pretended to be fast asleep when he went to sleep next to you.

Of course that didn't stop you from waking up wrapped around Benny's sculpture-made, hot and near naked body.

by @reveriesources

➜ part four

#giowritess #writing #benny miller fanfiction #benny miller smut #benny miller x female reader #garrett hedlund fanfic #garrett hedlund #triple frontier #benny miller fanfic #triple frontier fanfic

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tapwater118 · 4 months ago

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The Post-Split Rant, part 3

a.k.a.: Grown Woman really should have finished this like 3 weeks ago give me a break

Part 1 | Part 2

yes i did just section the parts out like this just for the visual gag shut up

BFB Post-Split is my least favorite season, so now I’m gonna wrap up my whinging about it and move on with my life. These are my opinions, you’re free to disagree, bluh bluh bluh let’s just get on with it already.

BFB 28

Okay, I said I would talk about the eliminated contestants here, but I remember them doing more in this episode than they actually did for some reason. I guess I’ll get to them in BFB 29 I suppose.

Anyway the Announcer is back! Announcer’s actually my favorite host out of all the seasons (sorry Four), so when I watched this the first time I remember being really stoked to see him again. And I am glad to say they did him very nicely! He still has his slightly snarky demeanor (in spite of his monotone TTS voice), and is overall used in a very interesting way here. I’ll get more into it later, but it is very clear they didn’t just bring him back for nostalgia points, which I appreciate.

For an “all-in-one” challenge, this episode did it a lot better than BFDI 23, dare I say. Instead of spending a bit too long on the first few challenges and speeding by the rest, they spend time just on the challenges that they can get good bits out of and briskly walk past the others. I feel this approach works a lot better than BFDI 23.

Honestly, pretty nice episode. No real issues here. Not as good as BFB 20 or 26 I’d say, but a good deal better than BFB 22. Moving on.

BFB 29

They said it was impossible. They said it couldn’t be done. Post-Split actually has a second good Taco and Blocky interaction. They’re having an actual conversation! With witty banter and such!What is this wizardry? Why couldn’t we have more like this?

Not related to anything else really but I have to get this out. I find the over abundance of nicknames in Post-Split to be kind of grating at times but NOTHING grinds my gears as much as the stupid “blank”-ster nicknames. “Tacster” “Blockster” “Teadster” SHUT UUUUUUUPPPPPP. They’re just fine in isolation but they use them SO FREQUENTLY I HATE IT. Gelatin uses these the most and I honestly think it’s lessened my opinion of him to a non-negligible degree. Leafster is the only one that gets a past the rest suck so much shit.

Ok sub-rant over. Back on topic.

The whole, well not really backstory… interstory(?) they give Announcer here is very neat, I like it. Really adds a lot of depth to his character. Whoa, Post-Split just had compelling character development. I think I need to sit down. I guess I’ll also add here that it’s nice Taco has something to do other than whinge at Blocky. I mean, there’s a handful of other characters just kinda sitting around that they could also have investigating the Announcer, but I feel Taco fits this role the best (out of the characters available to do so).

The quality-downgrading bit near the end is also fun too- okay enough beating around the bush. I’ll talk about it here because I already have enough to say about BFB 30 on its own; they pretty obviously set Flower up to win. Having her be repeatedly ignored and tortured for those sympathy points, and then having her be the one to save the show to cap it all off.

I voted for Flower to win, and even if they didn’t set her up like this I still would have. She’s one of the few characters in all of BFDI that actually has a serious degree of character-growth throughout the series, from being the prototypical “mean for the sake of it” character in season 1 to having genuine compassion for those she cares about by the end of BFB. Gelatin doesn’t have any of this, and if I can be candid, I have no clue how he got so far in the season.

BFB 29 is good overall, but let’s not dwell on it any longer. The real meat and potatoes of this part of the rant is going to deal with the final episode, one I have so many thoughts on I have to split it into multiple segments. Let’s talk about BFB 30.

Smaller Thoughts on BFB 30

The scenes with the fake seasons add a lot to Four’s character, and are a nice lead in to the fact that he’s actually a huge BFDI fan who really just wanted to be in that show he really loves. Judging by his actions in the early days of BFB it’s obvious this was a rather late addition to his character, but his cruelty to the objects could likely be interpreted as just a culture difference between Algebraliens and objects. I could make a whole separate analysis about this, but right now I’ll just leave it that these aspects of Four’s character are rather interesting.

This is going to be really nitpicky, but I have no clue why Bubble would want Gelatin to win. He’s been nothing but horrible to her the entirety of Post-Split. Maybe you could say the same for Flower’s behavior towards her both here and in season 1, but in that case have her indecisive over her vote, not overly enthusiastic. This choice makes no sense. (Can you tell that Bubble is one of those characters I care way too much over how they’re written?)

Gotta say, very nice how they have Firey reflecting on his actions without outside prompting here, good sign of character development. Now if only they could have had him say something to this effect eight episodes ago… sigh…

From here the episode splits into two plots that it jumps between repeatedly. Going through every scene in the order they happen would start to get confusing, so I’ve given them their own sections. Gonna be honest, not really a fan of how either of these went. Let’s start with the better of the two.

Flower and the Battle for the BFDI

So, Flower and the Announcer start fighting over who should get the BFDI, and Purple Face comes out of nowhere to steal it for himself. They get in the bus, a bunch of other people give some silly reasons why they should have the BFDI, and then the bus is dangling off a cliff. Everyone hops out except those still fighting over the BFDI: Flower, the Announcer, and Purple Face.

Purple Face does not need to be here.

Flower wants the BFDI because she won, it’s her rightful prize, very valid. Announcer wants the BFDI because it’s his life’s work and, as he reveals here, the only remaining copy of that work, very valid.

Purple Face wants the BFDI just because he thinks he deserves it. His reason for wanting it is just as stupid as all the reasons the other characters (who aren’t Flower or the Announcer) gave for wanting it, and those were all treated as jokes. Hell, Firey (and by extension Leafy) DEFINITELY had a better reason for wanting the damn thing.

Why are we supposed to be taking this seriously? Purple Face has been nothing but a joke character the entire season, and now they suddenly want people to feel bad for him. So much of this scene is dedicated to him over Flower and the Announcer, the two this scene should have been focused on.

Time to get to the much weaker of the two plots.

Gelatin Helps Four Find Out His Value

Okay, I’m about to be way too overly negative, so let’s have something positive for a breather. “Choo Choo! Think again, Balloon Buddy!” is one of the best jokes in the entire series. I will not elaborate.

So, Four starts to run away, and all the characters who didn’t go after Purple Face (except Profily) chase after him. After a bit, they all end up on the sun, and a character gives a speech about how they’re all mad at Four, how he’s hurt them and been mean to them throughout the entire season, and he still expects them to all stick around for him?

Pretty nice speech, I wonder which character gives it?

Maybe Bubble? She’s constantly going under ire and has had to take a lot of shit this season.

Or maybe Flower! Maybe she could reflect on when she was a bad person, and how she turned around to better herself, and try to impart the things she learned onto Four.

Perhaps X! They’re Four’s best friend, and have certainly been hurt by him throughout this season. Maybe he could show Four sympathy for the objects? This is probably the best option, because of how close these characters are.

But no, none of these characters make this speech.

Gelatin makes this speech.

Gelatin.

Motherfucking Gelatin.

MOTHERFUCKING. FORK-FLINGING. PEOPLE-PUSHING. BOMBY-EXPLODING. GELATIN.

Gelatin is the last character who should be giving a speech about how being mean to people is bad. HE IS A GODDAMN MENACE! HAVING HIM SAY THIS MAKES HIM INTO A GIANT HYPOCRITE!

And then they play a montage on the BFB to show how fun this season actually was, and convince Four that they all really do like him. Am I the only one that thinks Four got off a little scot-free for the whole murdering and tormenting his contestants thing?

Whatever, let’s take a look at the supposedly “fun” moments of BFB that they want to give Four credit for:

Flower getting excited for like a second that she didn’t get eliminated, before running off in embarrassment because she tried to celebrate with the contestant who actually did get eliminated

A scene mere moments before Four despawns X again

A bunch of people playing with the popper toys, something that had no involvement from Four and likely would have happened regardless of his presence

A scene mere moments before Leafy painfully burns to death

Gelatin’s fork stack, which definitely didn’t involve Four because it happened before they showed up

The boring-ass train ride from BFB 21

Four’s almost-four-way-tie song, which I guess gets a pass

Aside from the last one maybe, how is ANY of this meant so show how much fun the cast has had with Four? And to top it all off the most unfitting piano music plays over the whole thing. Absolute dumpster fire of a montage.

Ending Thoughts on BFB 30

Everyone gets together to have a party and all is well in the world. Except for those 50000 dead Davids in Davidland. A shame, really. (that was a joke)

Wow, this best friends line sure aged well, didn’t it, Teardrop? (Actually thinking about it now they probably planned for Teardrop to join TPOT by this point. So why include this line when they already knew one of his best friends ditched him?)

This line is really corny. But also kinda charming? Weird. I guess all she really wanted in the end was friends, and now she has them! Good for her.

And you know, if I ignore how much I dislike how Post-Split reconciled Firey and Leafy, this scene is really cute. Very nice note to end on.

For the episode, that is. We still have stuff to talk about here.

So, about BFB 30 as a whole. Do I think it’s a good BFDI episode? Yeah, I guess. I have my problems with it (as I have more than made clear), but it still has a lot of laughs, and things conclude in a halfway decent way. So yeah, it’s a good episode.

But is it a good finale? I don’t think so. This is supposed to be BFB’s last hurrah, its final impact on the viewers. It should be putting its best foot forward here, but it drops the ball on so many things I can’t in good conscience say it was a satisfying conclusion to the season.

I just hope TPOT handles its finale a lot better.

Post-Split as a Whole

Welp, that certainly was a ride. Time for some closing thoughts.

While it might seem like I dislike characters like Gelatin from what I’ve said in this rant, I really don’t. I like these characters in the other seasons they’re in! Post-Split just kinda doesn’t do all that great with them.

Additionally, I don’t hate Post-Split either. I don’t love it, though. It’s just okay. It has some high highs, and some pretty deep lows. It has a lot of little things (and some major ones) that all together keep me from loving it like I do all the other seasons.

I’ve seen some people say the Split was the nail in the coffin for BFB, that there was no way Post-Split could have lived up to what came before. I don’t share this opinion. Episodes like BFB 20 and 26 (and to a lesser extent, 28 and 29, and to an even lesser extent, 22) show to me that Post-Split could have been something special.

So what happened? Why did Post-Split turn out the way it did?

I don’t know. I’m not here to do any meta-analysis or anything.

I’m just here to rant.

And rant I have.

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