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hisunshiine · 7 months

Text

—revelations under the moon

🌙 pairing: alpha!namjoon x omega!reader 🌙 au/genre: ABO au, fated mates au, angst, smut 🌙 series rating: M 🌙 wc: 9,468 🌙 series warnings: mentions of an off-screen character death (barely a character tbh), brief male masturbation, thoughts of 'cheating' (if they aren't true mates though..is it?), cursing, retelling of a fake historical fable that includes VERY brief mentions of murder and suicide as the consequence of a tragic hero's hubris explicit sexual content: biting, marking, knotting, semi-rough sex, unprotected sex, creampie, aftercare 🌙 an: wow, i did not think i would get this out in time, january was a rough month for me, but my grandpa just finished his last lung cancer treatment last week, and im trying to just balance all the stress of real life, but yeah, i think it's getting better. thank you to my beta readers, @downbad4yoongi @moonleeai and @peachiilovesot7 i appreciate all your help, whether you helped in december or in february, it is much appreciated, as always. you're the best hype squad. this is also my first ABO story, so if you hate it don't tell me. LOL 🌙 summary: "When crescent rises, we shall rise as one, Aligned with moonrise, our time has begun." Alpha-heir Namjoon and his long time sweetheart are thought to be the next pair to rule Highscrest, but when Duskfall is attacked, the heir makes a decision that changes the course of not only his and his girlfriend's destiny, but yours as well.

This story is part of the "New Year, New Me Love" @bangtanwritershq gift exchange, written for the lovely @colormepurplex2! Happy Valentine's Day!

🌒🌒🌒 Tuesday - Waxing Gibbous

The loud chatter of the crowd irritates you; your senses are on overdrive after the past two weeks you’ve had. Packing and moving everything you own across the river during the New Moon was unexpected—almost as unexpected of it being a result of a peace treaty signed by the Beta of your old pack after the death of Alpha Tyvrin.

A Beta jostles you in an attempt to move closer to the raised platform at the far end of the civic center, and you shoot him a quick glare before turning your attention back to the men on stage to avoid any drama. An Omega glaring at a Beta isn’t as bad as if it was an Alpha, but insubordinate enough still. The new tribe members do not know your previous role in Duskfall and have every right to challenge any hierarchical disrespect.

“Quiet, please,” a voice rumbles quietly, but everyone in the room follows the directive. You recognize the Alpha Father, or the father of the Alpha-Heir and most recent Pack Alpha of Highcrest, at the podium. Your irritation drops as your senses can finally focus now that the room is silent. The smells of so many new pack members still suffocates your olfactory system, but it’s bearable now. One scent seems to overpower the rest, a clean forestry smell that seems to dilute the others. “Good evening, and thank you all for coming tonight. We hope you all have been acclimating to the changes these past few weeks. If you have any concerns, please reach out to any of us here.”

The Alpha Father waves over his son, stepping aside to let him take the lead of the rest of the meeting. Your eyes drink in the lithe movements highlighted by the fit of his suit. “Thank you, Alpha Father. For those of you who are joining us from Duskfall, at the time of the New Moon three months prior, I began the ascension steps. Right before your arrival, I had just finished the last of the three trials. All that remains is the bonding.”

You look around the room to see if anyone else is having the same reaction to his voice as you are—the crowd is transfixed; all attention is on the Alpha Heir Kim Namjoon. He’s young, almost thirty, but commands the stage. It’s not just because he’s handsome, though the blue suit and his dark brown hair help. His aura oozes from afar, your inner wolf screaming at you that this is a man you would follow and it’s your turn to receive a dirty look as you bump into the person in front of you. You turn back to the stage, ears attuning to his baritone as he continues.

“—final ceremony will take place in three days, and as you all know, I will be selecting my mate. I know that there are many newcomers who may be wary of joining the pack with all of these changes happening so soon, but please have faith in us. Highcrest will protect you all, and we will be at full strength as soon as the full moon rises in a week.”

Some applause breaks out, and his confidence soothes the wolf inside you that worries about this treaty. Highcrest sits on the eastern side of the Twin Rivers split, atop the range that leads to Twin Falls. Your previous pack, Duskfall, was integrated into Highcrest two weeks ago after Shadowhide attacked and killed Alpha Tyvrin under the cover of the New Moon, in a successful attempt at taking the land between the two streams.

The fertile soil and access to the freshwater source has been a source of contention between Duskfall and Shadowhide for decades, and while a group consisting of the Alpha, Beta and his best warriors patrolled your western border, Shadowhide attacked. The Beta and a few others escaped by the grace of the moon, which gave the pack enough warning to prepare and kept Shadowhide at bay now that the act of surprise was gone. With the Alpha slain and the clock ticking before Shadowhide invaded, the Beta had no choice but to reach out to Highcrest for help. A peace treaty was signed, allowing all pack members of Duskfall to join Highcrest in exchange for their commitment to the pack. Any members who were against the treaty were allowed to leave of their own volition and go back to the main city, or find a pack of their choosing, but with the danger of Shadowhide’s takeover imminent, everyone agreed to travel east across the river and up the mountain range to the safety of Highcrest.

“Thank you to all of Duskfall’s former pack for all of your patience with us as we’ve worked to create a space for all of you here in Highcrest. After the ceremony, which is open to all unmated Omegas, everyone from Duskfall will officially be of Highcrest, and those who have not yet finished their commitment rites can do so at that time.”

You watch as Kim Namjoon waves over a tall, slender woman with sleek hair falling down her back. She is the picture of elegance, her walk stalking forward in a hypnotic fashion as she steps beside the Alpha-Heir and speaks to the crowd. You recognize her from the Apothecary you’ve been training in ever since you’ve settled into your new life here.

“Good evening, everyone. I’m Min Everlight, an Omega of pack Highcrest. I am the head healer for the pack, and if Alpha Namjoon is ever unavailable, please come see me down at the Apothecary. I’ll help in whatever capacity I can in his absence.” Her hand moves almost subconsciously towards his, and they intertwine fingers. “We have committed our lives to this pack, and all of us up here will do our best to provide for Highcrest. Please stop by the apothecary this week if you haven’t yet received the Aconite to remove your Duskfall markings in preparation for your Highcrest one.”

Everlight stays linked to Namjoon as he takes a slight step forward to end the meeting.

“When the crescent rises,” he begins, and the people around you intone their response.

“We, too, shall rise.”

Walking under the waxing gibbous, you and your Beta roommate, Sana, wave goodbye to one of your elderly neighbors. You’ve been checking on all of the members of your old pack, helping them in any way you can to get them acclimated after work. You go home tired every night, but you want to make sure this merger works.

Sana skips ahead as your new home comes into sight, singing the Alpha-Heir’s praises. “He’s so brilliant, I promise you this is the best thing that could’ve happened to us. And Min Everlight? She’s amazing, right? You’ve been working under her these past couple of weeks, isn’t she effervescent?”

You laugh at her excitement, answering her vaguely as you unlock the door to your shared home. “She knows her stuff, that’s for sure. I’ve learned a few new things already since we’ve been here, but most of it I already knew.” Sana dreamily wanders to her bedroom, ignoring your slight diss and chattering mostly to herself about how wonderful tribe Highcrest is. You plop onto the couch unceremoniously, thoughts on Min Everlight.

Everlight is effervescent, with an inner glow that makes her the perfect Omega as mate for the Alpha-Heir. You’ve heard from the other women at the Apothecary that she and Namjoon have been dating for years. Longtime sweethearts and—if their little show on stage meant anything—his choice for his mate. This thought makes you feel sick, because ever since you walked away from Duskfall and followed him to Highcrest, your heart has thrummed for him.

Taking a deep breath that you let out with a sigh, you change your line of thinking before you venture towards a vitriol hatred of your soon-to-be female leader. Min Everlight has been nothing but motherly and nurturing to all of you since your arrival, but the more you see her all over the Alpha-Heir, the harder it is to like her. Not just because of her romantic relationship with Namjoon, either, but that she represents everything that you almost were, and reminds you of everything you lost.

You scratch at your upper arm over your shirtsleeve, where the Aconite serum you rubbed on earlier dissolves your Duskfall tattoo in preparation for your Highcrest one. The Aconite is diluted and mixed with other herbs to prevent poisoning that would weaken you before the ceremony. Sana disappears into the shared bathroom to shower, and you close your eyes for a moment not meaning to fall asleep as you wait for your turn.

The moon goddess blesses you with dreams of Duskfall past, memories of your destined path as the tribe’s Luna-to-be—the Omega paired to the now fallen Alpha Tyvrin—and you wake to the reality that all you have trained for was for naught.

🌓🌓🌓 Wednesday - Waxing Gibbous

Or, more like you wake with the sudden slam of a door, sitting upright as you squint to keep back the sunlight.

“Damn, you slept on the couch?” Sana questions, looking cheery and well-rested.

You clear your throat to answer. “Yeah, I guess so. What time is it?”

Sana glances at her watch. “Um, it’s half past eight.”

“Shit, I overslept, and I’m supposed to meet with Everlight again today.” You stand abruptly, and begin organizing all of the large pillows on the couch, laying the blanket just so until you hear Sana laughing at you. You look up at her with a glare. “What?”

“I think you might be in pre-heat. You’ve fluffed that pillow at least three times, and that blanket cannot be folded over the back of the couch any more perfectly unless you’ve got a protractor in the cabinet.”

“There’s no way, it hasn’t been enough time since the last one.” You ignore her as you clamber back onto the couch, tucking your legs up under you seemingly forgetting your plans for the day.

“Your heat is probably gearing up because of some Alpha at the meeting last night. With Tyvrin gone, rest in moonlight, you’re no longer taking the suppressants are you? With everything that’s happened, it makes sense that you’d forget,” she theorizes, “and apparently Highcrest doesn’t have that practice here.”

You can’t believe you’ve forgotten. In Duskfall, you were chosen by Alpha Tyvrin to be his mate, and asked to take suppressants until the ceremony. This was to help to prevent you from having a heat, decreasing your pheromones from triggering any non-bonded Alpha’s into their ruts and endangering you. These past few weeks since the move, you haven’t been taking any suppressants, and you’re sure by now it's run its course and is out of your system.

“They don’t practice that here?”

“No, weren’t you listening at the meeting? The Alpha-Heir doesn’t choose his mate the same way like in Duskfall. Highcrest has a different ceremony. All unmated Omega’s can be part of it.”

“But isn’t Everlight most likely going to be chosen anyways?”

“I hear there’s blindfolds involved, so maybe instead of sulking, and filling the apartment with your sour scent, you can just join the ceremony and give it a try.”

The news fills your chest with what feels like sunbeams, and you smile at the Beta as you relax into what you’re now realizing is a nest.

“Ah, the room smells so much nicer now. Also—you’re late.”

🌓🌓🌓 Wednesday - Waxing Gibbous

Kim Namjoon sits patiently outside the Apothecary, waiting for Everlight to finish for the day. He can sense her inside, her scent a fresh scent of clean linen, just brought down off of the line after soaking in the sun. It’s always been the strongest scent to him, out of all of the women in Highcrest, and he’s sure that the Moon Goddess will prove her to be his mate this weekend when he ascends to his Alpha status.

Fingers drumming along his clothed knee, he hums to himself as he watches the sunrays filtering through the trees as it sets. The small bell above the door chimes as small groups of girls and women of all ages trickle out from the shop—Everlight hosted a gathering after work for all of the newcomers to review the Highcrest ceremony procedures for women, and they all bow respectfully when they catch sight of him seated in the chair near the door.

Namjoon can’t help but wonder what else they were working on today, his nose itches to investigate whatever new tonic or serum she’s put together this time—the smell is amazing. Like a warm honey coating his tongue, hints of bourbon with small bursts of brown sugar peaking his interest. He hopes it’s not something inedible, like the Aconite serum, and his curiosity getting the better of him, he stands, unbuttoning his suit jacket and moving to peer through the small glass windows framed in the center of the door.

Ah, he thinks as he takes in one of the new pack members, Everlight must have let one of the Duskfall women teach a new tonic. Namjoon recognizes you through the dusty glass standing in front of the group, and remembers that his Beta, Seokjin, had pointed you out from afar when you first arrived.

🌑Two Weeks Ago 🌑 Monday - New Moon

“That’s Alpha Tyvrin’s mate, er—was his mate. They hadn’t actually had the ceremony yet, the attack happened before the full moon ceremony could happen, but she was set to be Duskfall’s Luna.” Seokjin’s finger points down the lane from the window of City Hall, connecting to a woman walking towards the villager housing area. Namjoon eyes you warily before posing a series of questions to his Beta.

“Will it be an issue to have two mature Luna’s in a pack? Should we offer to place her with another pack to mate with an Alpha?”

“I don’t know…I haven’t ever heard of something like this happening. Typically the Alpha has already mated the Luna, and since one cannot live without the other—”

“I see.” Namjoon understands why the Moon Goddess would create such a fate for paired leaders. “Had the ceremony already happened, she would be buried next to him. It could be a help, now that we have so many more people, to have two strong healers in the pack. Maybe she could travel on patrols in case of an attack?” He wonders how Everlight would react to finding out that there’s another Luna-trained Omega in the pack, and if this would be a way to spin it to lessen any blowback.

Seokjin looks thoughtful, eyebrows lifted as he tilts his head and gathers his words carefully. “That could be a good option for the second Luna, so that their training and skills do not go to waste, especially now that our pack has grown…It could also be worth mentioning—with so many new members, it would be a good show of faith if you were to perhaps choose the Duskfall Luna as your mate—”

Namjoon’s growl silences Seokjin momentarily but he presses on when he sees no claws being barred.

“I’m just saying, nothing helps unite two packs better than having one of their own integrated into the upper levels of the hierarchy. If we want to keep peace and help Duskfall feel loyalty to Highcrest, taking their to-be-Luna as your mate would be the smart move. You and Everlight aren’t fated, so it’s not like our pack would frown upon it under the circumstances—”

Namjoon’s eyes cut like daggers as he stares his Beta down, almost dragon-like in ferocity as he contains his inner beast. “Everlight is my mate, Seokjin. I would never betray her like that.”

🌓🌓🌓 Wednesday (present) - Waxing Gibbous

Looking at you now, Namjoon is glad to see that you and Everlight seem to have no issues working alongside each other. After reading through previous Alphas’ historical notes and reviewing the history of the packs of the Twin Rivers Valley, he decided that it would be best to keep you around, as he worries his newest constituents would revolt if they thought he had banished you from Highcrest. He spent the first couple of weeks talking to other elder members of Duskfall, and learned that a lot of the pack had come to rely on you as they became acclimated, that you had been going around to visit with them and check-in, and keep them all calm with the changes happening.

He appreciated that you had taken this on as a duty, especially when you were dealing with the biggest blow of all. Namjoon meant to meet with you to thank you, but the longer he took, the more it felt fake, rehearsed, and like an afterthought instead of what it really was: an Alpha-Heir not yet familiar with his role, and learning about you from afar made him feel like a weird stalker of sorts that he had all this knowledge of you and your skills from others.

Your skills would be most useful to their pack, and though you were meant to lead the pack by an Alpha’s side, you could still maintain some modicum of that role, just as the second to Everlight. Namjoon is sure this plan will work. He plans to have a meeting with Seokjin and Everlight tonight, that way he can make sure that they will follow his plan without any issues.

He knows he could just order everyone to follow along, but using his Alpha to force others to do what he wants doesn’t always work out in the long run. The history of the tribal lands and the fact that there were three distinct tribes from the original one, up until Tyvrin’s death, is proof of that.��

It’s much better for a leader to have the consenting loyalty of his pack, instead of forced fealty that brews contempt and derision. Namjoon steps back from the door to allow another person to exit, and once again, the honeyed bourbon seeps through the opening. It’s much stronger this time, urging him to his feet almost against his will.

He feels his blood thrumming, pounding through his veins like a rushing river. Namjoon checks his forehead, as if feverish, and notices his hand comes back with a sheen of sweat. It’s like he’s gone into pre-rut, which would be crazy. He’s pretty regular when it comes to his ruts lining up with Everlight’s heats, and she’s still not due for a little bit…

Namjoon stumbles backward, taking the three steps back to solid ground quickly as he tugs at the collar of his buttoned shirt. He’s too hot, it’s all too much, he has to do something, move, but he’s in the middle of the town, there are people who look to him to be more restrained than this standing all around…Namjoon trips a little on the gravel beneath his feet as he takes off back towards City Hall and away from Everlight, afraid that if she is due for her heat and his pre-rut was triggered by that, he would mount her right there in front of the last few people in the store and fuck her hard against the counter, not caring if everyone saw the powerful way he drove his cock in and out of her until he filled her with cum and knotted her.

He’s locked himself in his office, blinds closed with his fist wrapped around his thick length as he imagines it: his hands firm on the plump rounds of ass, spreading the cheeks apart as he spits between them, Omega slick lathering his cock with every stroke and the tight walls sucking him back in with every pump out, and when he cums—copious amounts leaking around his large hand—it’s only then that he realizes that it wasn’t the clean linen-scented Everlight he was imagining taking his knot.

🌔🌔🌔 Thursday - Waxing Gibbous

You’re irritated—more so than you’ve been since your entire life was turned upside down two weeks ago. The Beta that’s always around the Alpha, Seokjin, randomly showed up at your place in the morning saying you were tasked to go on a supply run to the nearest city. It makes sense—Seokjin explained that the Alpha had handpicked everyone in the group to help new pack members meet others and start to learn their ways, and you appreciate it, except for the fact that you don’t want to be far from home right now.

In fact, because of the upcoming ceremony, Everlight had let all of the women training in the apothecary have the next few days off, as she expected to be chosen and wanted to prepare herself and her home for what was to come. You had mixed feelings when she initially announced this to everyone, because while you enjoy the respite from the constant go-go-go of changes around you, the reason behind it left you feeling miffed.

All of yesterday, you spent time working at the Apothecary and were even asked by some of the others to show them some tonics and potions that they had never heard of, and while you enjoy teaching others, it’s quite draining to go through the motions while talking through every step you make, and why. The girls quietly scribbled down your words in their notebooks, committing your teachings to paper, which made you feel good about yourself, until reality hit about your future.

It almost didn’t feel fair that you were so new to the pack and already others were looking to you to train and teach them new things, meanwhile another person is slated to take the position you’ve wanted and trained for your whole life.

Shaking away your thoughts, you tap back into the moment, finally having arrived in the bustling city a little past mid-day. You hate all of the smells; the odor rising from the sewer grates and scents from the people who jostle you as they rudely push past your group. You hold back the urge to plug your nose, sighing out a weighted exhale as you follow Seokjin through the automatic sliding doors and into a grocer’s market.

🌔🌔🌔 Thursday - Waxing Gibbous

Back in the forest, a half day’s trip from the city, Kim Namjoon spends his time in his office again, hiding out from his duties by disguising them as last minute studying and planning for the ceremony.

He couldn’t bring himself to meet with Everlight the previous night, instead calling Seokjin only to discuss the plans for the supply run. He looked over the list of items Everlight needed in the apothecary, and only because the winter months were starting to fade away into spring meant this would be the last expensive trip until winter came again.

Bees do not make honey in the winter, so why can’t he explain away the coincidence of the honey bourbon smell and the note written in Everlight’s scrawl next to the requested item underlined twice: Honey — we’ve been out for ages!! He doesn’t want to believe that he could be feeling this way for someone other than Everlight, but of two things he knows for sure: he smelled honey, and Everlight is distinctly NOT a honey smell.

Seeing that on the list had Namjoon rise with a wild idea, to send the other Luna far, far away for the day, to help him clear his mind. In reality, he paces his office, wearing thin the once plush carpet with his worried steps until he can’t take it anymore. Crossing the room, he walks with such a force that no one dares to question where he’s off to.

He knows where you live, knows that your Beta roommate Sana should be home, and when he knocks on the door with authority, he expects Sana to fling the door open so hastily that the movement sends the mixed scents of the apartment wafting out at him. Instantly, he expects his spine to straighten as his whole body is overwhelmed by the truth—except that never comes. No one is home, as a kind older woman politely points out to him after his third attempt at knocking.

“Those girls went into town today, it seemed like the Luna had to drag Sana along with her,” she chuckled, clearly a pack member who was fond of the two women. “Did you want me to tell them you stopped by?”

“No! I mean—no need to worry them about my visit, I can talk to them tomorrow, thank you.”

He swiftly departs, deciding to just head home instead of back to the office for some peace.

“Joonie!”

Barely having set foot in his residence, Namjoon is bombarded with the irritating scent of laundry detergent. It’s too pungent; overwhelming in a way that he’s never experienced before. He catches himself before his nose wrinkles and Everlight ascends into his arms. He hugs her back, planting a soft kiss to the side of her head in an endearing manner before she pulls him into the dining room for an early dinner with his parents.

Namjoon spends the evening engaged in conversation with his parents and Everlight, avoiding talks of the ceremony as best he can—despite his mother and girlfriend's best attempts. His dad eyes him warily—in that cunning way that only another Alpha can—sensing the change in the dynamics within the room. Namjoon is grateful his father remains quiet, simply watching the conversation over the nightcap of barrel-aged Cabernet Sauvignon from their cellar.

Once they call it a night and his parents disappear to their room, Everlight begs Namjoon to stay over, and unable to say no to the woman he’s never said no to before, he relents. He regrets this decision almost immediately, as his hopes that Everlight would help him take his mind off of the one thing that’s been at the forefront of it are crushed.

“She’s just really good at healing. She knows a lot, like I can’t believe I’m even admitting it, but she knows things that I don’t. And the things I have been able to teach her, she learns it so quickly and easily. I’m actually kind of jealous.”

Namjoon can tell; Everlight’s face is scrunched up in a way that makes her look unattractive, and he doesn’t know what to do or to say to make her feel less insecure.

“Maybe it’s a good thing she is joining our pack. It’s important to learn and grow continuously.” It’s as diplomatic as he can be at the moment.

“Yes, but she’s trained as a Luna, just like me. It’s a little like she’s trying to take my spot. Yesterday, while I was teaching, the other girls asked her to teach them something I didn’t know, and I just had to stand there and let her take over my lesson. The girls were so focused on her and taking notes, it made me kind of hate her.”

She’s looking at him, her eyes trying to find something within his, but he looks away, reaching for the light next to his bed.

Everlight reaches for him, aligning her body to his as her fingers grip his shoulders so she can position herself atop him.

“That’s why I can’t wait for the ceremony, baby. We can finally be a true, mated pair. Start our forever, with me as your Luna. No room for confusion from the pack about who will bear your pups.” Her eyebrows waggle up and down suggestively as she lowers her lips to his plump ones. “We can practice now if you want, you can scent me, let all the bitches in heat know to back off.” She kisses him again.

Namjoon kisses her back, but her laundry odor fills his nasal cavity and her words are so off-putting for the role she hopes to take on for the pack. He can feel her hands travel down his ribcage, but nothing about her touch turns him on. Pulling away from the kiss, he catches his breath as he readies his excuse.

“Babe, I think we should wait,” his large hands hold her shoulders firmly before his touch grows softer, palms smoothing up and down her arms in a soothing motion. “The ceremony is so soon, and I want it to be sacred…I know that might sound cheesy and un-Alpha-like but—”

“No, you’re right.” Everlight smiles softly at him, but he can see the hurt in her eyes at being rejected. “I’m just feeling overwhelmed with all of the new pack members and the changes happening, I think I got a little over excited.”

“I love that about you, you know? You’re excitement over things, and how you want to be the best version of yourself for our pack. You’re already an amazing Luna in your own right.”

Everlight excuses herself to the bathroom, and Namjoon clambers off his bed, bare feet leading him towards his cracked bedroom window. In the light of the almost full moon, he can now see the noises that drew his attention moments ago: returning members of his pack walking down the path to their homes.

There’s no mistaking it now. A warmth blooms from his groin, spreading higher until his neck grows hot from it as his nose and mouth feel thick with the sweetest bourbon honey scent. With you unaware of his gaze as you laugh with Seokjin and Sana, he feels jealousy boiling into his chest.

“Mine.”

🌕🌕🌕 Friday - Full Moon

You wake up late on Friday morning, your body a little stiff and sore. You feel as if you slept with a heater on, sleep clothes clinging to your body due to the sweat that covers your skin. You try to shake it off, but the feeling doesn’t go away, even after a cold shower.

You’re not surprised you woke up mid afternoon after arriving back at Highcrest near midnight, but you suppose the excitement of what’s to come will keep you awake the rest of the evening. You have to meet the elders for the pre-ceremony rituals at the start of moonrise, so you eat a light snack in the hopes it won’t trouble your stomach too much.

You know now that Sana is right. Your heat will kick in no later than tomorrow afternoon, with the confirmation of the night sweating and soreness symptoms appearing today, but you worry about what it will mean if you end up not being chosen…you’ll begin cramping and sink into Omega-space, leaving you vulnerable to other higher ranking pack members without a plan prepared to get you through your heat.

At quarter till six, you leave your home with a small bag of items and head to city hall, where Elder Aline waits for you and the other Omegas who planned to join the ceremony to arrive. Elder Aline was old—she worked closely with the Luna three times removed was in power, and lived to prepare both of her successors, and now would be helping to prepare this ceremony.

You hug your bag to your chest as the last of the group arrives: Everlight. She only looks slightly surprised to see you in the group of seven Omega’s, but she fixes her facial features quickly and offers you a bright smile.

“I didn’t expect to see you in the group!” Everlight’s tone is friendly enough, but the undercurrent of her words screams out territorial.

“Oh, yeah, my roommate said I should come as an unmated Omega to take part in the ceremony. It’s different from our previous pack’s tradition, and if I hope to carry out my duties and help with future ceremonies, the best way to learn is to be part of it, right?”

Your answer makes sense, perfectly curated to help push away any questions that dig too deep into your motivations, including yourself. Part of you knew that it would be beneficial to you if the worst comes to fruition, but the other part, the more primitive part, knows the real reason is because the wolf inside of you longs for your mate to be Kim Namjoon.

Elder Aline calls for your attention, her weathered voice a calming stillwater that acts as a soothing balm to the nervous energy in your chest. She speaks to the group, sharing some information about how the rest of the night will play out before she leads your small group towards the outskirts of Highcrest, to the south of a small lake on the edge of the forest. The walk takes a bit of time to navigate the terrain, especially with an Elder leading.

You allow her moments to pause and rest, clearly fatigued from traipsing through high grasses and uneven dirt, but soon enough you are there, and placed along the treeline, a small clearing awaits you. She makes quick work of explaining the first ritual’s steps, and you allow her voice to lead you through the routine.

The cleansing ritual itself takes the better part of an hour, as everyone planning to participate strips down to enter the water under the light of the moon which now grazes the top of the trees. A small pouch filled with herbs and petals is handed to each of you to rid you of any lingering outside scents. You lather your skin, taking the time to clean every inch before stepping out to air dry. It’s colder than you expected, but no one wants to risk masking their scent for the ceremony.

The elder had laid a simple white dress on the shore of the lake near your bag, and once dry, you sheathed your body with it, happy for the fabric to provide some warmth. She pulls a thermos from her bag along with small cups.

“Purified under the new moon,” she intones, handing you a steaming cup of tea. “Red azaleas, to pull out your emotions and attract your true mate.”

You sip it slowly, letting the heat warm your hands. The other women join you after the elder gives them each a cup, and you huddle in a circle, trying to stay warm.

“I think it’s good that we have so many of us for the ceremony,” Everlight speaks, her voice light and airy. “It would be a boring ceremony if I was here by myself.”

Her words were clearly chosen carefully, meant to sound like a compliment to the others for their company, while laying claim to the role not yet given to her by the moon. You bristle, feeling your body heat up. Her comments were starting to annoy you, because a true Luna was not insecure or haughty. She was a healer, a person that others could go to when they needed strength, compassion, or empathy. Everlight seemed to have forgotten this.

“I think it is great that Highcrest’s tradition is different from ours, it feels more…pure.” You don’t know how else to describe it, but the act of having the alpha choose his mate through this ceremony feels like how it used to be. The elder hears you and her words confirm this.

“This is the true ceremony. But come now, it is about time for us to begin.”

She leads you around to the north side of the lake. A small copse of trees had blocked the incoming sight, and now that you were closer, you could see the small gathering of pack members standing in a crescent.

Directing you to step into the open space, she takes your cups from each of you as the seven of you line up with ample space between each other. You look around nervously. The cold you felt earlier when you were wet and naked exiting the lake was gone; you notice that you feel hot. You’ve felt hot since drinking the tea.

The crowd murmurs quietly to one another as you look around for Sana, finally finding her to the right near the top point of the moon shape they were standing in. She waves at you, a smile breaking across her face as she takes you in.

All at once the noise in the forest dies out. The muttering follows suit, and Elder Aline steps before the crowd.

“Before the great divide of the tribal lands, the Alpha’s mate was never set in stone until the ceremony was completed. Even if the Alpha had taken many lovers as a young pup, it matters not, for what the moon reveals is the truth. And an Alpha dare not disobey the moon, lest the pack fall weak.”

She then begins her tale of the history of the original tribe they descended from.

“Many, many moons ago, we once existed as a proud and noble pack led by an Alpha of unmatched strength and wisdom named Lycaon. Under his reign, our pack thrived, united as one for the good of the group. We honored the ancient laws dictated by the phases of the moon, for we knew the moon's power was both a gift and a curse. Before the divide, we could shapeshift along with the phases of the moon.

But Lycaon, with his pride swelling within him like a thunderous storm cloud, began to question the moon's choice for his fated mate. He refused his fated Omega, instead choosing who he wanted, and not who our celestial goddess knew our pack needed. Ignoring the warnings of his most trusted Betas, Lycaon decided that his unborn son would also choose his own mate, not the moon.

At first, this defiance seemed to have no negative impact. But before long, cracks began to appear between pack members. By refusing the moon's guidance, the pack ended up with an Alpha-chosen Luna who was not prepared for her role. The rejected Luna fell melancholy, and took her own life, saying she could not watch the ruin of her pack. Some wolves found themselves unable to control their shifting, and began to attack their own kin in fits of madness. Other pack members grew weak—their bodies unable to withstand the impact of their dual nature.”

The entire crowd was enraptured hearing the tale, as Duskfall members did not know the history, and you are among them in learning the true history of the divide.

“As chaos descended upon our once-proud pack, Lycaon's authority waned as the full moon wanes. Desperate to maintain his grip on the pack, he resorted to ruling the pack with fear instead of respect. But his efforts only fueled the flames of discord, and soon, the pack was torn asunder by fights and betrayal.

In the aftermath of our pack's collapse, three new packs rose from the one, each led by a different wolf claiming to be the one true Alpha. They fought for the lands we stand upon today, with Lycaon’s son, Claudin, taking the hills to found Highcrest, and the other two packs fighting over the lower grounds. Claudin knew that in order to reclaim the strength and glory we had lost, he must not allow pride or the greed for power seduce him into betraying the moon.”

A low murmur swept through the crowd. You knew your former packmates had the same thoughts running through their mind as you did—could this really be true? Was Alpha Tyvrin’s downfall predestined to happen in order to reunite the original pack? Elder Aline coughs, and you focus back on her.

“And so, this tale of Alpha Lycaon and our pack serves as a tale of caution for generations, a reminder of the dangers of hubris and the importance of respecting the ancient laws that govern our kind. Alpha Claudin rectified the treachery his father had done unto the moon, but we shall never shift again as punishment.”

A quiet settles upon the crowd, and the elder gestures to a group of children you didn’t notice before. They step towards each of you, and she asks you all to kneel. The small child before you has a face like a cherub, full cheeks pulled tight as he shows his teeth to you, eyes disappearing in his delight.

He bequeaths a length of dark fabric, and his hands move so as to wrap the ends around your face, deftly knotting it behind your head. When you feel him step away, you stand back to full height. Your other senses are heightened, anxiety blossoming at what comes next. You hear footsteps, and sounds of awe and admiration sweep across the crowd stealing your nerves. You freeze in anticipation.

“Alpha Namjoon has done what we once thought impossible, uniting two tribes where whence was three, and we must continue to follow the moon’s guidance. We must not deceive ourselves. The moon will not lead us wrong. It will not lead him wrong.”

Seconds tick by as you wait, eyes furiously trying to see through the thick material stealing your sight. Seconds turn into minutes and you can hear the faint rustling of bare feet traveling across the grass, the weighted foot falls accompanied by heavy inhales of the still air surrounding the area. You know the Alpha has entered the clearing—can feel a palpable shift in the energy as your body grows hotter by the second. His scent sings to you, and you whine lowly, wanting to follow it.

Again, the crowd responds to something unseen by you, this time it has your inner wolf crouching, tail down and ears back—showing submission. Another whine escapes you, a little louder this time. Your distress must be filling the area around you, you can sense the crowd’s movement, reacting to your scent. You begin to panic, fearing that a distressed scent would push the Alpha to choose another, not the scared, submissive and pathetically whining bitch in heat—

🌕🌕🌕 Friday - Full Moon

Namjoon walks up to the clearing surrounded by his closest advisors, some of whom had been absent patrolling the borders and securing their land the past several weeks, and returned in time for the ceremony. As he approaches, the sounds in the forest quickly fade, as if sensing his arrival.

He waits for his signal to enter the clearing, far enough away that he can only smell the crowd of his pack members standing between him and the clearing where the Omegas will stand. Namjoon spent all day in the forest, away from town preparing for the ritual by hunting for game to be used for the meal to feed his mate before the knotting. He also had to follow the same cleansing tradition, bathing under the light of the full moon, drinking the purified new moon tea, and dressing in loose, white linen pants.

He tried his best to clear his mind from the events of the previous evening, and once he was away from the bustle of the town square, he found it easier to convince himself it was just a fluke. After years of being with Everlight, the idea of being fully committed must have made him feel a bit scared, so he latched onto the idea of something new, someone different…you.

Now, after his mindful afternoon in the forest, he knows he just has to trust the moon will lead him to Everlight, his mate. He knows her scent, knows it like he knows the taste of his mom’s cooking or the sound of his father’s favorite whiskey bottle opening.

As the moon climbs higher, he waits, steadily listening as the crowd quiets and Elder Aline speaks, recounting the tale of the original tribe. As she gets close to finishing her tale, Namjoon is tapped on the shoulder by Beta Taehyung, who motions to the blindfold in his hand.

“It’s time, Alpha.”

Namjoon nods, taking the blindfold from the younger male and covering his dragon-shaped orbs. He fastens the knot, and he senses when another one of his trusted Betas approaches him.

“I have the pouch here. Make sure to smell it deeply before—”

Beta Jungkook is interrupted by Namjoon. “I know, I know. Smell it deeply before I let my inner wolf out to track my mate.” He lifts an open palm so Jungkook can place the small, organza fabric reticule into his hand.

When he hears his name, he knows that’s his signal. He follows the sound of the elder’s voice to enter the clearing.

Raising the small sack to clear his olfactory senses, he inhales a piece of his own clothing, a small handkerchief he kept on him all week. A trick using olfactory habituation to cleanse his palate from the surrounding smells, allowing him to only smell his mate. The crowd shifts, he can hear stilted murmurs about his physique being on display since he was shirtless as he walks past his pack.

Stepping fully into the clearing, he inhales deeply, and instantly he picks up the laundry scent that he’s so used to being surrounded by. It’s definitely Everlight’s scent—he’s almost positive—but it has an edge to it, a slight tinge that he’s not used to smelling. The longer he stands there, the more the scent morphs into a cloying, headache inducing smell. It’s almost fake, a manufactured scent that doesn’t entice him.

He steps away from the smell of it, noting an undercurrent of something nice. The crowd reacts, confused at his actions, but he doesn’t care. He knows he has to trust the moon. And that bourbon-honey scent? He wants more of that. Lifting the pouch again to his nose to rid it of the sickly sweet smell, he drops his hand after a few inhalations, allowing the soft honey smell to seep into his pores. It’s alluring, growing more seductive by the moment, but then it takes on the additional bitter scent of anxiety, and Namjoon worries that something is wrong.

He can feel his inner wolf scratching to get closer, to protect, to save his mate—when he steps closer, the crowd reacts again, so he grabs at his blindfold, tearing it free so that he can get to you. He needs to calm you down, you need to feel safe, to know that your Alpha is here to protect you. He’s closer to you than expected, and the whine you let out calls to him in more ways than one.

His body feels alight with flames, he can see you’re trembling. His hand moves without him thinking, gripping the blindfold and tugging it up and off your head.

🌕🌕🌕 Friday - Full Moon

The light of the moon feels blinding as you blink to adjust your eyes to the sudden return of your sight before it’s eclipsed by the broad body of the Alpha. His breaths are almost frantic, a heavy panting that moves his shoulders with each exhalation as his wild eyes roam your face. His neck gland is hidden by a tied piece of cloth, masking his scent partially and you want to bury your face into him, seeking safety and comfort.

Your body responds to his proximity almost immediately, a simultaneous calming of the mind’s anxiety as physically you feel engulfed in a blaze, a sweat finally breaking out along your hairline as you’re thrown into full heat. Namjoon’s nostrils flare as he inhales you, his face looking triumphant as he kneels on one knee before you. He reaches for your hands, which tremble as he locks eyes with you.

“Namjoon, what the hell?!” Everlight stands several omegas down from you, her face free of the blindfold, which now dangles from her fingertips at her side. She doesn’t move for a moment, not until she realizes the Alpha was not responding to her. Her steps don’t falter as she gets closer to you, but your scent grows sour as you take in the murderous look on her face.

Namjoon’s movements are quick and fluid. He stands and postures himself, keeping you protected behind him as he shoves Everlight back with one hand.

“Mine,” he growls. Everlight drops the blindfold, confusion blossoming upon her face.

Namjoon turns to you, grasping your cheeks gently in his hands. “Mate.”

He throws his head back, and lets out a loud howl to the moon.

Chaos ensues. The entire field grows loud as some pack members celebrate the ceremony’s success, while others gossip about the outcome. You can hear snippets of the conversations until another voice grows louder, shouting at the Alpha. It’s Everlight, your brain registers, she’s angry, her sour scent wafting in your direction as she screams.

Some Betas you’ve never seen before hold her back, preventing her from coming closer to you and Namjoon. You back up, jostling into him, and the urge you had earlier grows so strong you don’t hold back. Jumping into his arms, you bury your nose into his neck, and you instantly melt against him, fatigued. Namjoon is startled but holds you tightly, and you can feel when he begins to walk swiftly away from the crowd.

You don’t question it, you just let your Alpha lead you to someplace safe. It takes a few minutes before you arrive at a small cottage, its windows lit with a soft glow. You recognize it for what it is—a mating cabin. Set far enough away from the town square that a newly mated Alpha and Luna can have alone time to get through the next few days.

Namjoon sets you down, but doesn’t let you go. Opening the door, the first thing you see is a pack of water on the small wooden table. It’s one large room, like a studio with an open concept. There’s a small kitchen set up to the left, and straight ahead is a large bed. The sheets are clean and welcoming, and you can feel your body beginning to cramp as your heat kicks in.

You knew it was coming—the low-grade fever, mild cramping, and more recently, increased slick and pheromone production ever since Namjoon touched you in the clearing. You shuffle, uncomfortable as slick leaks out of you, trailing down your thigh slowly.

You can hear Namjoon inhale sharply, before he’s kicking the door shut and grabbing you firmly. He doesn’t speak. His eyes say everything though, the adoration and lust sparkling in the low light in the room.

“Alpha.” It’s a statement. It’s a request.

His lips are on yours, devouring, tasting, suckling as if he can’t get enough of you.

“Honey. You taste like sweet bourbon infused honey…it’s intoxicating.” Namjoon kisses you again, this time his lips trail from yours to your neck. He teases you, teeth nipping at the skin as your thighs rub together seeking pleasure as he pulls sinful mewls from your throat. Your hands grip his upper arms, and you try to tug him towards the bed. You need him. You need his knot.

“Please, Alpha,” you beg, and he shivers in your hold, aroused by your submissiveness. “Need you.”

Namjoon lifts you up, allowing you to wrap your legs around his waist. You grind against him, biting his bottom lip aggressively. You feel so hot—burning up—and he’s the only thing that can cure you from this growing pain.

Your heat is in full swing, and you can tell it’s triggering your Alpha’s rut. He’s trying to hold back, be gentle and slow, but when you push your leaking core against him, he gives in. His hands fumble with the waistband of his linen pants before his heavy cock springs free, fully erect and searching for your entrance. You move your waist to help the angle of his cock, as one hand holds your hip and the other holds the base of his shaft to align himself.

When the slight pressure on your slit gives, you thrust forward, forcing him inside you with ease thanks to your copious amounts of slick. You feel full, the head hitting in just the right spot. Attempting to create friction, you try to undulate your hips, but the resulting shockwaves from the tip meeting that sensitive spot causes you to clench around him.

He freezes, feeling the quickening of your walls and you yelp in surprise when he throws you on the bed. The loss of him inside you feels unfair, but he steps out of his pants and soon crowds your body with his own as he climbs over your body. A firm hand presses into the middle of your upper back, before he grips your hips and pulls them upwards. The dress slides down, revealing your bare backside to him and you feel more than hear the growl he lets out.

He leans against your body, ripping your dress up until you are able to slide the garment off your arms and throw it to the floor. A smack jolts you forward, but he adjusts you back into place. You feel his thumb drag over your slick covered folds, taunting you.

“Alpha!” you whine, and he chuckles before realigning his length to your throbbing core. At this angle, he reaches deeper inside of you, and he begins to rock his hips, thrust after thrust inside you. His large hand grips your chin, turning your head to the side.

“Want to see that pretty face as you cum on my cock, want to hear you cry for me when you take my knot.” His low baritone promises you pleasure beyond your imagination.

He licks up your spine, kissing and nuzzling into your neck, and you know it's the spot he wants to mark you at. You beg him to do it, but he just shakes his head against your skin. “Not yet, my love.”

He kisses you with every thrust he takes, before sitting up more to pin you down to the bed. His movements grow sharp, hands grabbing at your ass cheeks as he pounds into you. Switching up his movements, you can’t believe he fucks so well when he begins to rotate his hips and slips his thumb into your mouth. You suck on it, drool leaking from your mouth onto the sheets as your legs shake.

You clench again, involuntarily spasming every few seconds and you know you’re close—you tell him as much.

“Fuck,” he curses, and you grip the bedsheets as he adjusts his hold on you. His hands move to your hips and he arches your back even more as he speeds up his own movements. They're fluid, your slick making it almost effortless for him to please you, to take you from behind like this until he’s so deep he could feel himself poking through your stomach—

“Take my knot, want you to have my pups, fuck—”he presses his hips flush to your ass, streams of his cum filling you up endlessly as your body wracks with euphoric release. You whine as you feel the intense pressure of his knot filling you before the pain of his marking bite overtakes your senses.

You feel overwhelmed in a good way, pain giving way to pleasure as the bite seals your mated status and his knot begins to slowly deflate. Once able, Namjoon rolls you over to face him, nuzzling into you as you hold him close. Your heat was sated for the time being, but you knew that soon you would be climbing him once again to meet your needs.

You wince as his nose grazes your fresh mark and he makes an apologetic face. Standing up from the bed, he grabs a bottle of water for you, twisting the cap off for you and proffering the drink.

You take a full swallow, quenching the thirst you didn’t realize you had. Heats have a way of making you forget to take care of yourself in that way. The fatigue consumes you, and you drop back down to the bed. Namjoon takes the bottle from you and places it on the side table. His hands massage your calves, working his way along your thighs. His movements could put you to sleep, but you knew as well as he did that this reprieve would not last long. The moon shone through the window casting a faint glowing halo around Namjoon’s head.

He was yours.

In the moon's tender glow, we're born anew,

The night's canvas echoes our ancient call,

Omegas and Betas, to their knees they fall,

For the Alpha, bound by destiny's fate.

To lead, to fight, to protect, to mate,

In lunar hours, gaze upon the sky,

Let Luna's wisdom be your guiding light,

Her soothing touch to mend wounds that cry.

When crescent rises, we shall rise as one,

Aligned with moonrise, our time has begun.

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garycxjk · 7 months

Text

Why most people don't get Europapa

youtube

So, Joost Klein's Europapa apparently is taking the world by storm. With its happy hardcore or gabber house tunes and beats and the silly music video, there's no denying that this song has a certain charm, though it also has its detractors.

The thing is, though, most people on both sides don't fully get the song.

To summarize the song, it's essentially about an orphan who travels around Europe to find himself. Those were in Joost's own words.

Europapa is about an orphan who travels throughout Europe (and beyond) to find himself and tell his story. At first, people don’t recognise him, but he goes on seizing any opportunity he gets to let himself be seen. Europapa is a tribute to my father. When bringing me up, he passed on to me an expansive view of the world.

Okay, but why does the song sound so silly? Well, that's something deliberate. I don't really know much about Joost Klein's music, but what I do know is that this is basically what most of his songs are. Silly, yet deep.

Okay, brief detour to give context to the rest of what I'm writing, but it's important to remember that Joost Klein basically became an orphan at a young age. He lost his father to cancer when he was 12, and a year later, his mother died as well. This essentially shaped his music. From what I can gather from the many YouTube comments, he always watched Eurovision with his parents, and told them that one day he'd be there on stage.

So, let's just talk about the elephant in the room. Some people call this European propaganda. However, just the first few lines clue you in that it isn't just some pro-EU propaganda.

Welcome to Europe Stay here until I die

In fact, there are several lines used that wouldn't sit right if it were pro-EU propaganda. Let's look at the second verse.

Ich bin in Deutschland Aber ich bin so allein

Which roughly translates to

I'm in Germany But I'm so lonely

The next lines, "Io sono in Italia / Maar toch doet het pijn" (first line Italian, second line Dutch), which translates to "I'm in Italy / But I still feel pain".

Essentially, the entire song is him trying to let go of his past, to let go of his grief. That's essentially what the burning house and the windmill represent at the end, finally moving on from the past.

And that's essentially what the entire song is about. The entire song sounds like it's stuck in the '90s and early noughties. Naturally the most glaring part is the music style. Back in the '90s, happy hardcore and gabber house was really big, especially in the Netherlands. The way people dance back then and dressed when they did can be seen in the scene with Paul Elstak. Then there's the Gameboy Advance, which came out in the early 2000s.

Another cool thing is a reference to New Kids, a Dutch comedy show from 2007, when someone says "Welkom in Europa jongen!" ("Welcome in Europe boy!"). On the television screen, you can see Gerrie van Boven, played by Tim Haars, a character from New Kids.

But it isn't just a throwback. It's all being done deliberate. Something that gets lost in translation is the text. The rhymes work, however, to a Dutch person, it sounds a bit... childish. Very simple, at the very least. But I think that even that is done deliberately. It sounds like a child has been writing these lines, but I think that's the point of the song. It's supposed to sound like a child has been writing these lines.

The entire song is about the protagonist being stuck in the past, being stuck in his grief. It's why there's a disconnect between the text and the melody. Sure, it's a celebration of Europe, of Eurovision. Joost Klein genuinely loves Eurovision. However, it's also essentially him saying, this is me closing another chapter in my life.

Let's take a look at the outro of the song.

Op kruistocht in m'n spijkerbroek, lopend door de velden M'n papa en m'n mama zijn voor altijd mijn helden Aan het einde van de dag zijn we allemaal mensen M'n vader zei me ooit: "Het is een wereld zonder grenzen" Regen op het raam en ik stond huilend bij het venster Veel te vroeg duister, het is winter in de lente "Ik mis je elke dag", is wat ik stiekempjes fluister Zie je nou wel, pa? Ik heb naar je geluisterd

This... seems quite long, doesn't it? Well, that's because that's the full outro. What most hear during the video clip is this:

Aan het einde van de dag zijn we allemaal mensen M'n vader zei me ooit: "Het is een wereld zonder grenzen" "Ik mis je elke dag", is wat ik stiekempjes fluister Zie je nou wel, pa? Ik heb naar je geluisterd

Let's translate the full lyrics. I'll put the translations of the lyrics in the music video in bold and italic.

On my crusade in jeans, walking through the fields My dad and mom are forever my heroes At the end of the day we are all human beings My father once told me: "It's a world without borders" Rain on the window and I stood at the window crying Darkness far too soon, it's Winter in Spring "I miss you every day", is what I secretly whisper You see dad, I listened to you

So, basically, the gist is, this song has many layers. It's a heartfelt tribute to Eurovision, while also telling a personal story about grief and letting go of said grief.

Though I think this interview with Joost Klein on De Avondshow met Arjen Lubach may say more than I could.

youtube

Well, sometimes you must say goodbye to whatever is most dear to you. And when one door closes thousands of others open, apparently. But what I've learned is that you tend to hold on to your own pain sometimes. So this letter provides some sort of closure, dare I say. Saying: "Hey, Mum and Dad... You will always be there for me, but I can't carry this pain forever."

#europapa #joost klein #eurovision #eurovision 2024 #esc 2024 #eurovison song contest #the netherlands #Youtube

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chaisshitposts · 1 year

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HIIII ITS ME AGAIN, THE EYELASHES ANON AND Y'ALL BETTER SIT AND READ ALL I ALMOST CRIED WHILE READING THIS BOOK

Anyways, EXTREMELY LONG MOTIVATION/ADVICE (seriously read it all, it will help you so much):

wanted to share something i had to myself for a long time ago, maybe I'll actually make a post about it if I had the time, but in the meantime, I want to give some advice for those struggling with the void/manifesting/shifting/subliminals, basically anything. My mom read a book called "the power of the subconscious mind" by Dr. Joseph Murphy, then she advised me to read it, once I read it, I swear I had a full mental mind shift, like my whole concept changed so easily. And damn to be me if I decided to gatekeep it, y'all deserve it, so here are the most important things I've highlighted in the books, please take a minute and read them over and over, you'll understand so easily

First of all, let's get to the easy part, what is the subconscious and the conscious mind?

Subconscious mind: can be called the right mind, the mind which is basically on autopilot, the mind where everything is possible regardless of time, the mind where you imagine, the mind which acts upon a belief without any problem, the mind where it makes your preferred hand write without reminding yourself which hand is it

Conscious mind: can be called the left mind too, the mind which is logical, the mind who debates if to believe this or that, the mind where you see the 3d currently, the mind where you do the maths by a set of rules, the mind where it will pass the beliefs to the subconscious and let it to decide on it, the gatekeeper

Now that we know what it is, how about we see the important information I've gathered? (+IT HAS MURPHY'S ACTUAL METHOD):

1. "A personal healing will ever be the most convincing evidence of our subconscious power"

this is absolutely the most important thing, Murphy here said that if you have ANY problem that your body or mind or your 3d sees, it's YOU who fixes it, it's you who can change it, because the subconscious mind fashioned it, of course it can heal it's own handiwork

2. "A scientific prayer is the harmonious interaction of the conscious and subconscious levels of mind scientifically directed for a specific purpose"

THIS.RIGHT.HERE. this is literally what made me so open-minded, when you ask your subconscious for something, your conscious mind sometimes doesn't believe in it, why? Because it's logical, and some sort of a stubborn shit- nvm, anyways, your desire will show up once you align the conscious with the subconscious, in short, you'll make it into a belief that even your conscious agrees to, that's why most methods of manifest/shifting/etc etc... has this technique where you get drowsy, why is that? To make the conscious mind drowsy and accepting anything you say, going straight to the subconscious

3. "You need not acquire this power of the subconscious mind, you already posses it"

This is true, that's why some people get confused why as that some can get whatever they want so easily yet they won't, they will follow others and try to be in the state of overconsumption, YOU DON'T NEED ANYTHING ELSE, IT'S ALREADY YOURS???

4. "Whatever you impress on your subconscious mind is expressed on the screen of space as condition, experience and event"

This right here says the most things many is worried about, once you impress the subconscious with whatever you want to, it will materialize in the 3d! It's easy as that??? All you need to do is to impress the conscious and the subconscious

5. "Every thought is a cause, every condition is an effect"

There is no such thing as "impossible" to manifest, NOTHING, Murphy stated even if it's cancer, it can already be cured if you want to, every condition you are in, wether desperation, sadness, pain, etc... these are all an effect that can be easily shunned away if you want to, all you need to do is to fix the idea or thought in your mind, to show up as an desired effect

6. "Change your thoughts, and you change your destiny"

In short, live as though you already posses it, I mean come on, why would u be worried if you know that you ARE LITERALLY THE VOID??? exactly! You are the void and can access it whenever you want, you decide, not your body, you control your body, not you, you control your thoughts, not your mind, your mind will just act upon it like a faithful servant, or better if you say a friend

7. "Your conscious mind is the watchman at the gate, it's chief function is to protect your subconscious from false impressions, choose to believe something that you would want it to happen now, your greatest power is your capacity to choose, you have the power to choose"

This is so important, it talks about the beliefs that are already locked up in subconscious mind, like how to hold a spoon and how to breathe, but when a new idea or thought comes up, sometimes the conscious mind doesn't like new ideas, you have to impress it and act as though it's already a belief, like how you breathe, choose to change and choose to believe it, your subconscious cannot argue with you, only your conscious does, which you need to quite it down

8. "Your subconscious cannot take a joke, it brings everything you to pass in reality"

Saying you can't do something, or feeling desperate, is your call of conscious mind impressing the subconscious that you can't do it, that you can't have it, so change it, no I don't meant to think of toxic positivity, but when you get these ideas, gently drift them away, act as though it's already yours because it's already yours, and Definitely do not think that the suggestions and statements of others will have an impact on you, the only one in power here is you, it's your reality, ignore them

9. "Prior to sleep, turn over a specific request to your subconscious mind and prove it's miracle working power to yourself"

Murphy here stated that before sleeping, your conscious mind is too tired to disagree with anything, so play out a scene, or directly ask your subconscious, you can request it as though you're requesting a friend, and I can assure you this works like magic once you trust it, I used it to wake up at 4 AM sharp, I just turned over, and said to my mind "hey subconscious, would appreciate it if you wake me up sharp at that time, anyways, goodnight and thanks", kid you not I woke up, I tried that yesterday, you can ask your subconscious questions! It knows everything about you, because you already gave access to it

10. "All frustration is due to unfulfilled desires, if you dwell on obstacles, delays, difficulties, your subconscious mind will respond accordingly, in here you are blocking your own good"

This is so true, don't dwell on past mistakes that you haven't got the desires yet, ignore the 3d, let your mind screen your 3d, by mourning over the unfulfilled desires, you are just blocking yourself into getting the results, leave the past, you are so close, so so close

11. "To impress the conscious and letting the subconscious act upon it, imagine the happy ending or solution and feel the thrill of accomplishment, keeping your conscious busy with the thoughts of it's already there, and your subconscious will act in harmony, bringing it to reality"

This is easy, impress your conscious, in short, act it out and maybe live in the end, do whatever you want to, hell, you can even not do anything but just have the belief that you already have it, done

12. "Avoid all effort or mental coercion in requesting your subconscious, get in a sleepy drowsy state, and lull yourself to sleep feeling and knowing you already have it"

This is so close to the command your subconscious mind method, I've also read it that "a mental picture is worth a thousand words", that's why by picturing it and feeling it, it will impress the subconscious greatly

13. "Remember, that a thankful heart is always close to the riches of the universe"

Be happy right now, in your life, just act If you want to, because what you want is already here! Be extremely happy and excited, live your life, be silly, be grateful, soon enough, you'll get what you want, let that soul rest a bit, take a break if you need it, nothing will fly, you can do this

14. "Know that you can remake yourself by giving a new blueprint to your subconscious mind"

THIS, THIS MADE ME CRY- you can change, everyone can, it all needs an idea, an idea to give the subconscious, wanna change and believe that you're a master at manifestation? Done, ask your subconscious, tell it you wanna change, and seal it that you have already changed, it's similar to the psych-k

15. "Easy does it, take it easy, too much effort shows anxiety which blocks your path, easy does it"

Be calm, know that you'll get it one day, know that you ARE going to get it soon, you're a master, you're amazing, you're a wonderful human, you can change, you're amazing, if you ever felt anxious, take a step back and be calm, do something if you want to keep your mind off, because no matter what emotions you have, let's say you cried, this doesn't mean it has negative effect and erased your efforts, it's a normal feeling, stop being too worried, regardless of everything, you already have it, I'm so proud of you💗

16. "You do not have to strive or slave hard, lay back, and let your mind do the work"

Easy as it says, lay back, get lazy if you want to, just request your brain and you'll get it eventually, be happy about life rn! You're so lucky to have made it so far, you'll make it soon, just lay back

17. "Feeling envious or jealous of others are stumbling blocks to the flow of manifestation, feel happy for them, you'll get it too, why stress?"

This is so true, I've heard many feeling annoyed that some can shift or manifest or enter the void at first try while others can't, I used to think like this too, but this is the worst feeling to have, it will make you feel shitty, you deserve everything, and you'll soon get it, be happy for others and the happiness will find it's way back to you

18. "One reason many people simply make end meets is that they condemn the thing, what you condemn takes wings and flies away"

Why would you hate yourself for not being able to enter? You're just paining your brain! You deserve peace, you can do it, take a break, leave it off, be confident, don't hate anything, hate caused a lot of problem in this world, yet it hasn't solved any

19. "Stop trying to get something for nothing, you give mental attention to your goals, and it responds back in harmony"

Some want to do nothing and sit back while complain, this can't be, YOU DON'T NEED TO WORK, Like the only one small tiny thing you need to do at least is to believe, THATS IT, YOU CAN IGNORE ANYTHING ELSE IF YOU WANT TO, just have the belief

20. "Find out what you love to do (techniques to manifest, wake up in void, shift- anything else), then do it, if you don't know your true expression, ask your mind for guidance, and help will come"

There are thousands and thousands of methods, all you need to do is to pick what you feel comfortable with, stick to it and persist with it, or you can make your own! Manifestation is fun, do whatever you want to, your mind will understand whatever you say

21. "Thoughs+feelings=belief"

Can't say anything else, this is the key, fuse feeling of the scenario with the thought, and persist with it, there you have it, it will become a belief in mind ready to materialize

22. "You delay your answer by thinking it will take a long time, or that it's a big huge problem, your subconscious doesn't know the problem, only the solution"

There you go, please please please do not think your manifestation will take long, or it will actually take long, remember, your subconscious cannot take a joke once you impress it

23. "When you open your eyes in the morning, give your brain a task for the day"

Means to give your brain the manifestation you want today, let's say I woke up and chose to ask my subconscious to make me happy today, or intelligent in my exam today, it's all up to you, a new day is like a new task

24. "You form habit patterns in your subconscious mind by repeating a thought and act over and over again until it establishes tracks in the subconscious mind and becomes automatic"

In short, persist with the thought, and it will become a habit, if you think that drinking water will make you have longer hair, and continue to believe it for a while, you'll actually get longer hair by just drinking, it's a habit that is established in your brain, it will act upon it, the time to act is in your hands

25. "To form a new habit, you must be convinced that it is desirable, when your desire to give up some bad habit and start a new habit Is greater than continuing the old habit, you are already 51 percent changed"

Have the desire to be strong, how to make it stronger? Imagine the thrill if you had it right now! I have a trick, to feel like you have it now, I used to imagine a genie telling me my wish, like I genuinely though I have it now🧍

26. "When fear knocks at the door of your mind, let faith and belief in all good things open the door"

Let your good thoughts fight the fear, turn the feat over, do not shake it away, acknowledge it, them throw it, laugh at your fears, it's the best medicine, learn to hold them up to the light

There you go! 26 important messages I found in the book, these are so important I actually cried with it, the book has many many more different methods but I can't cram it here, promise I'll make a post about it if I have the time, in short, I love you all and I know that you'll do it, your future self with all your desires is already nodding at you, grinning and telling you it's already done, see it, feel it, know it, acknowledge it, you'll make it, NOW LETS GO AND MAKE IT, YOU'RE SO AMAZING I'M SO PROUD OF YALL, LOVE YALL 💗

P.s// can I be the 🍓 anon? LOVE U TOO AGAIN 💗

i dunno who else needs to read this but I definitely needed to read it, ty 🍓 anon, such wise words will surely help us all in the long end. ty for sharin' this knowledge with not only me but everyone who else who takes the time to read what ya spent time and effort in writin' out. i really appreciate it, and shhhhhiiiit i might have to give that book a read, it's been floatin' in front of my face for a couple weeks but youve just given me confirmation. guess I needed this wake up call fr 🚶

#— chai's asks. !! ~#— 🍓 anon. !!~#manifestation #law of assumption #laws of manifestation #manifesting #psych k #psych-k #void state #god state

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sgiandubh · 6 months

Note

Gooooodnight! Did you manage to finish watching the movie after all? What do you think?

Dear Ford v. Ferrari Anon,

Just finished it, after four failed attempts to get into the right mood - local time, 1:45 AM, Thursday morning. As you might know, Cancer people are very stubborn (even pertinacious) people and I am no exception to the rule.

I now totally understand why so many people wondered if I was really watching it, or confessed they could be remotely interested in doing so for about ten minutes, tops. The start is horrifically lackadaisical and I hit stop four times in a row, increasingly frustrated and feeling like a brain scattered idiot. But if you persist, this little movie, eons away from my world, could actually surprise you for the better.

Three tiny things redeemed it from the scrapheap for me: a) the Sixties, b) that Mad Men aesthetics and c) Lee Iacocca. Once this very familiar guy hit the screen, I knew I would be glued to whatever shite happened on it for the duration. Mind you, not the actor (entirely forgettable), but the business honcho whose Autobiography I read by complete accident at around 16. My brain could finally relate to something and start to make sense out of a completely alien, bloody mess. Slowly, excruciatingly slowly, things began to emerge: the script is so fucked up, I couldn't help but wonder what possessed someone as discerning as C to go for it. Other than a ferocious will to be there (anywhere, really), for further consideration, of course.

This is an underdog story through and through, and with a little bit of luck it could have been Oscar material. The reason it isn't so relies entirely on the writer's frail shoulders: I can't be arsed to check whodunit, but that person clearly bit more than they could ever chew. No Christian Bale and no Matt Damon could have dragged that script to Premier League, no matter how hard the effort. And the same person who wrote that Bale presented himself at the TIFF as a sociopathic boor has always deeply appreciated his past stellar performances (Empire of the Sun immediately comes to mind, of course). Seriously, I did and this movie is no exception: he is way better than I would have expected, especially when compared to a disappointing Damon.

What about C, then? In this very Anglo-Saxon sports stew, let's say she is an indispensable condiment, despite the absolute lack of chemistry with Bale and the sometimes formulaic presence, allowing for simplistic and expected dramatic solutions to complex situations. As in S's case, she sometimes drags along her Claire Fraser mannerisms, although less conspicuously than in Belfast elsewhere (or was it because we really don't get to see her a lot?). This particular script left me hungry for more, and not in a good way. She was very much there, she clearly worked very hard for it and yet, it feels as if she were obliterated, for some reason. That film didn't do her justice and scenes like the car tantrum could only give you a sort of nostalgic 'what if' idea:

youtube

Easily my favorite C scene of the whole movie (spoiler: there aren't many at all). But let's be blunt, here: if you have no idea about who C is, no OL mystique to boot and you just watch that movie leisurely, you'd blink twice and miss her. And not remember her at all, perhaps.

Would I recommend it? I am not sure, despite Bale's Golden Globe nomination and two rather technical Oscars (for Film and Sound Editing). It could be me, after all and sports movies have never been my jam. It's a decent way to fill in two hours and a half of emptiness, but not nearly good enough for a re-watch. I'd be merciful and give it ⭐⭐/5. For the Sixties, my Paradise Lost.

Happy, Anon?

#anon #fandom #shitshow

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duchessofostergotlands · 6 months

Note

First of all I begin this by wishing the best to all those who have been affected in one way or another with this terrible disease such as cancer as well as any other disease of this nature.

One thing I have seen since the announcement came out yesterday is still people criticizing William as to why he was not there with Catherine at the time the announcement was made and it is maddening to see how some people are so inept.

In September of last year on a Wednesday a surgery my aunt had to remove two cysts that the doctor said would only take two hours, turned into a seven hour surgery and with practically half of my aunt's small intestine removed. I still remember when I woke up and my mom felt me up to tell me that my aunt, a lady who has always taken care of herself young (48 years old) had cancer and was in intensive care. The shock that felt like a bucket of cold water was something that to this day I cannot explain. The next day my grandfather was likewise diagnosed with protest cancer. The process of my aunt who was the one who was worse than my grandfather is one that has not even been seven months yet but these are things that we as a family have been a constant change. The food, now it is all gluten free until at least her intestine gets used to it and even then there is food that she may never be able to eat again; now she looks like a duck (her own words) since every time she eats she goes to the bathroom, sometimes without needing to eat just out of nowhere she can no longer regulate her urge to go to the bathroom, which her oncologist says is normal. Now she can't wear high heels either, a lady who, being a lawyer, is used to wear high heels all the time.

I say this because I think it is important for people to know that the cancer pathway, like many other life changing diseases, is not linear, sometimes you feel good, other times you get tired and all this despite the fact that my aunt is on preventive treatment. Not chemotherapy but some pills

I hope you and your family are doing ok. It sounds like a very challenging situation but you also seem to have a very close family relationship so hopefully you're all supporting each other :)

I mean, surely William could have been off screen? I haven't read anything about whether he was there one way or another, it's not relevant to me, but it's like they don't know the universe doesn't end at the edge of the screen lol. But anyway, bottom line is it's Kate's body. Not William's. I'm really tired of the constant infantilising that's been happening in recent weeks, on both sides of this conversation. I'll talk about some of this in the podcast in more depth but William is her husband and the father of her children, not her minder. I don't know why people insist on treating ill people - especially women - as if they're children who can't make up their own minds about what happens to them. Of course there's vulnerability that comes with it, people need extra support. But she's not a baby. If she'd needed or wanted William to sit on a bench next to her in total silence, I have no doubt he would have done it. She clearly didn't.

#ask #anon #Kate Middleton #british royal family #2024 #prince william

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laxmiree · 1 year

Text

[CN] MLQC Lucien’s Rumors & Secrets – Season 2: Threshold (阈值)

⚠️ SPOILER ALERT!! ⚠️

This post contains a detailed spoiler for an R&S that has not been released in EN yet! Feel free to notify me if there are any mistakes in the translation~

Lucien followed the doctor's pointing finger to a line on the report— a small amount of abnormal PTEN gene sequence in the cells.

“Although the abnormal PTEN is only a small amount, irreversible cancer development may occur if your deterioration continues."

"The speed of deterioration is closely related to the frequency of Evol use, so it is recommended to reduce the usage of Evol as much as possible in the future.”

Lucien nodded occasionally, his heart not experiencing significant fluctuations. This day had been expected, and it had arrived as scheduled.

[T/N] It’s advised to read S2 chapter 45 first because this R&S sets between S2 chapter 45 and chapter 51 timeline-wise. I usually translated the main story first but translating this first makes more sense chronologically AND will provide extra pain for S2 chapter 51~

ALSO, after reading the R&S please head up to S2 Chapter 51, the pain is more complete with the main story~

[Chapter 1]

“Professor Lucien, the latest clinical trial report results are out, and they are still not very promising.”

This not-so-good news didn't come as a surprise to Lucien. He nodded and said, “Ah He, you've worked hard these past few days. Take a good rest over the weekend, and next week, we'll come back to discuss improvement strategies.”

“But we've already improved almost every aspect,” Ah He swallowed the words on the tip of his tongue and glanced at Lucien's composed profile. “In addition, two new deteriorating patients have signed the drug trial observation agreement. Here are the records.”

Lucien took the file and opened it, quickly scanning the text inside.

“The first patient is forty-two years old, an Evolver with superhuman vision. Diagnosed with glaucoma seven years ago, their vision started deteriorating significantly six months ago. After genetic screening, it was confirmed that the condition was caused by deterioration.”

As he turned to the next page, Lucien's gaze froze.

....The second patient is a Water-type Evolver, but the symptoms of deterioration are widespread malignant lymphoma.

“Based on previous cases, the direction of Evolver deterioration should be closely related to their own Evol attribute,” Ah He showed a puzzled expression, “and this patient's symptoms were an exception, with a more unstable rate of deterioration than ordinary patients. Perhaps this could be a discovery in the study of deterioration illness.”

Lucien glanced at the photos of the young man again. Although his impression wasn't deep, he quickly found this person in his memory – he had appeared in one of BS's Evol modification experiments many years ago.

“The individual cases don't have high reference value. We need to expand the sample group and continue to watch for similar cases of deterioration.”

“Understood, Professor.”

Back in his office, Lucien spread out the two reports in front of him. The deterioration index line graph in the first report steadily increased over time like most of the patient data he had seen. However, the line graph in the second report suddenly spiked at a certain point in time after a long period of stability.

Lucien unlocked his computer screen, and a medical report appeared on the screen. The diagnosis result, highlighted in red and bolded was glaring and prominent – “Gene Deterioration Detected.”

The deterioration level line graph in the report progressed steadily, almost identical to the first half of the line graph of the second patient on the desktop.

As the report page slowly scrolled upward, a profile picture gradually appeared in the upper right corner.

He glanced indifferently at his own face in the photo, closed the document, and leaned back in his office chair, closing his eyes to rest.

The heart within his chest cavity beat steadily, just like every other day, strong and composed. No changes appeared to have occurred, yet hidden beneath the surface, there seemed to be an undercurrent that was difficult to detect, waiting for an opportunity to stir things up.

His brief reverie was interrupted by the ringing of his phone.

“Hello, Mr. Lucien. Your latest lab test report is ready. Please come to the laboratory during business hours to collect it.”

[If you remember- In S2 chapter chapter 31-1 Lucien mentioned that his situation regarding blood disease is unique. From this R&S I guess what he means by unique situation is that his deterioration wasn't REALLY bad until he started to overuse evol, mainly for the sake of protecting MC. This evol overuse will get worse in S2 chapter 51 :D]

[Chapter 2]

“Have you experienced any discomfort in your body recently? Have you used Evol?”

“Everything has been normal. I've used Evol a few times, but not excessively,” Lucien quickly counted the number of times he had used Evol in his mind over the past month.

It was around seven or eight times, within a manageable range.

The doctor pushed the report in front of Lucien with a serious expression. “Your deterioration had been well-controlled previously, but this time, there are changes in various indicators. Platelet count has decreased, and there might be a slight impact on your clotting function. Additionally—”

Lucien followed the doctor's pointing finger to a line on the report— a small amount of abnormal PTEN gene sequence in the cells.*

“Although the abnormal PTEN is only a small amount, irreversible cancer development may occur if your deterioration continues. The speed of deterioration is closely related to the frequency of Evol use, so it is recommended to reduce the usage of Evol as much as possible in the future.”

Lucien nodded occasionally, his heart not experiencing significant fluctuations. This day had been expected, and it had arrived as scheduled.

(T/N: PTEN is a tumor suppressor gene that plays a critical role in regulating cell growth and preventing the formation of tumors. And since his platelet count is decreasing, it'll be HARD to stop his bleeding)

The hospital wasn't far from the bioresearch institute, and he reached his office right on time for work. As usual, he opened his computer and pulled up the latest clinical reports on anti-deterioration medications that he had just received in his email.

Among the patients participating in the clinical trials, 42% showed some level of deterioration control after taking the medication, with 8% experiencing particularly positive results. However, for nearly 58% of the remaining patients,...

The research on the medication had been ongoing for nearly a year, yet it still couldn't achieve the expected efficacy. Lucien carefully examined the data on the screen, tapping his fingertips lightly on the desk.

Incomplete Evol genes could lead to abnormalities in the human body, but why would the highly praised “evolutionary” Evol genes lead to such destructive deterioration?

Could it be that Evol eliminates those who cannot withstand its power? Or is the deterioration of Evolvers, to some extent, a part of the world's evolutionary process?

Some vague thoughts raced through his mind, and Lucien allowed them to linger, making a mental note as he continued to focus on the report in front of him.

As the sunlight gradually intensified, shifting towards the other side of the skyline, Lucien took a deep breath, preparing to take a short break.

Just as he closed his eyes, his ears picked up three quick knocks on the door. The third knock was slightly heavier, a habit unique to Pete.

“Come in.”

The door swung open, and Pete briskly walked up to the desk, handing over a stack of research reports.

“Professor, there have been new developments in the experiment data regarding the neuronal position for maintaining neuron function. Detailed results and data are all written in the report. We can start the next phase of experiments tomorrow.”

Lucien quickly glanced at the data and results on the report, and he smiled.

“The results are even better and faster than I had imagined. After work, you can take everyone out to celebrate. Consider it a team-building event, and the institute will reimburse it.”

“You should join us too; the rapid progress of the experiment owes much to the insights you've given us. Everyone wants to thank you.”

Lucien paused for a moment, then continued nonchalantly, “Make a reservation for one more seat, and thank you for your hard work.”

“Sure thing! I'll go inform the others right away.”

After Pete left the office, Lucien shifted his gaze to the dormant screen. He saw his own blurry silhouette, and the lingering smile on his lips confirmed his fleeting good mood.

Maybe... He agreed a bit too quickly just now.

Lucien shook his mouse, and a dense data set appeared on the screen again. It was an observation report from NW on unusual energy fluctuations within Loveland City, as well as the strange phenomena they had generated. This report piqued his interest, and according to the original plan, he should have worked late to finish this research tonight.

However, occasionally participating in such activities could be beneficial for teamwork. Lucien hesitated for only three seconds before saving the document and shutting down the computer.

[Chapter 3]

“Swoosh-”

The clear water rinsed away the remnants of liquid in the test tube, and a momentary daydream washed over his relaxed mind. The scene from this morning when he left home reappeared before his eyes.

As Lucien opened his door, the opposite door also swung open, and a girl rushed out with a box of milk in hand. Her hair was slightly disheveled, clearly a result of rushing and not having time to tidy up for work.

He smiled faintly, but strangely, she seemed completely unaware of his presence and focused on her phone, anxiously waiting for the elevator.

In the next moment, the girl's figure seemed to “disappear,” but the elevator remained on the top floor, not descending.

He was briefly taken aback but quickly realized that this was likely the phenomenon caused by the energy fluctuations he had recently seen in the NW observation report on Loveland City. The unknown energy disturbance in the vicinity had created a “rift” in spacetime, and the girl was merely a projected illusion.

The sound of glass clinking brought Lucien back to reality, and he noticed that the test tube in his hand had bumped into the beaker.

“Professor, are you feeling a bit tired? Maybe I should take care of this for you,”

Lucien smiled in response to Pete's concern and began placing the lab equipment into the washing machine. “No need, nothing is pressing right now. I'll consider organizing equipment as a form of rest.”

Although the work on hand was never-ending, under her supervision, he had already learned to carve out some breathing space for himself.

During moments of complete relaxation, unexpected thoughts often diverged in his mind, which brought him happiness. However, lately, whenever he tried to clear his mind, the girl's image and voice would involuntarily “visit” him.

Seeing the slight, involuntary upward curve of his lips, Pete gave him a knowing look and half-jokingly asked, “Professor, are you going on a date later?”

“She's been quite busy lately.” Lucien subtly concealed the thoughts he had inadvertently revealed just now and continued, “Pete, have you chosen a topic for your thesis?”

“It's almost ready. This time, I plan to research 'Using Evol Energy to Stimulate Brain Cells for Alzheimer's Disease Treatment.' I'll put together a formal document for you to review.”

“I remember you were interested in brain memory restoration and extraction before, and you had many intriguing ideas. Are you not planning to explore that area this time?”

“Afterward, I reconsidered. There's more literature available on Alzheimer's disease, and the current market demand is higher. It seems like a more prudent choice.”

Lucien's gaze shifted slightly, not missing the hint of regret that flashed in Pete's eyes.

“I actually think that if it's a topic that interests you, you should give it a try,” Lucien blurted out his most direct thought, receiving a surprised look from Pete.

“What everyone else is doing may be the safer choice, but it's not necessarily the best choice.”

“Uncharted territory doesn't always equate to a dead end; it's just that, in many cases, people tend to instinctively seek the safer path.”

“But in research, the most valuable quality is the persistence to explore and seek knowledge.”

On the way back home, Lucien continued to contemplate the events of the afternoon.

In the realm of scientific research, aiming for safety was not necessarily a mistake; it often led to higher success rates. So, when he made that suggestion, it wasn't solely from an objective standpoint but also a personal desire that the researchers he had mentored could challenge more difficult domains.

Suddenly, a faintly familiar sweet fragrance wafted to his nostrils. He followed the scent and turned to see her favorite cream puff shop.

“Maybe I should buy one and give it a try.”

A few minutes later, Lucien sat on a park bench holding a freshly baked cream puff. He wasn't particularly fond of cream puffs, but the idea that had occurred to him a moment ago had struck without warning. Before he could contemplate the reason behind this thought, his body had already acted on it.

The cream puff, still warm inside its paper bag, emitted a subtle fragrance. He took a gentle bite, the crispy outer shell giving way to the creamy filling, creating a delicate taste on his tongue.

This cream puff wasn't overly sweet and the sweetness that could be detected was minimal.

This subtle sweetness triggered dopamine, and an inexplicable sensation gradually spread from his chest to his limbs. It seemed like his brain had received this pleasurable signal, making him feel considerably more relaxed.

So, this was what she meant by the happiness brought by sweets.

He slowly savored each bite of the cream puff.

Lucien knew that an irreversible change had occurred within himself.

[This behavior of trying new things and impulsively doing something feels like 'my time in this world won't be too long anyway' :""]

[Chapter 4]

Inside the research lab, the mechanical hum of instruments droned on rhythmically, and the stark white lights cast a cold silver gleam on the metal plaques with “NW” written on them.

“Blood pressure stable, sinus rhythm normal, no adverse reactions.”

“According to the drug's suggestions, he will act according to our instructions after leaving this lab.”

Lucien glanced through the glass at the person lying on the observation room bed.

“Conduct thorough post-experiment observations, don't overlook any minor irregularities.”

“Alright. Also, Professor Lucien, your ETL-147* drug trial application has been approved, and you need to sign the liability waiver.” The lab technician handed the paperwork to Lucien, looking somewhat hesitant.

“Are you sure you want to personally participate in the drug trial? Although we've conducted preliminary human trials, we haven't done large-scale clinical trials yet, and there are certain risks involved.”

Lucien quickly signed his name. “Trying it myself is the only way to discover areas that may need improvement.”

[I was right about Lucien experimenting on himself with that drug :"D. Anyway, ETL-147 is the same drug from S2 chapter 45]

“Once you've decided, you'll need to receive the injection within the confines of NW with someone present, as per the regulations.”

“Then let's do it now.”

Declining the researcher's offer to assist, Lucien skillfully rolled up his sleeve and disinfected the area. As he watched the liquid in the syringe decrease, he blinked slightly, concealing some contemplation.

“You can go ahead, I'll observe here for half an hour. If there are any issues, I'll reach out to you.”

He watched the researcher leave and then lowered his gaze to his arm, which had a tourniquet in place. Testing the drug on himself wasn't solely for drug research. He could increasingly feel that something was changing within him, hiding and flowing in the gaps of his nerves, elusive and slipping out of his control.

That's why he needed insurance.

He didn't wait for half an hour and left the observation room. The solemn and cold corridor echoed only with the light sound of his footsteps. Each corner had a circular surveillance device with a flashing red indicator light, watching his unhurried steps. He paid little attention to them as he arrived at Archive Room 8.

“Authentication personnel, Lucien. Authorization Level: Three.”

With a beep of an electronic tone, the door to the archive opened for him.

Rows of gray filing cabinets stood in order. He walked deeper into the room, stopping at the second-to-last row. From one of the shelves, he pulled out a file box.

“Blood Disorders and Deterioration Case Files.”

He opened the lid and browsed through the materials inside. During his involvement in the research of anti-blood disorder drugs at NW, Lucien had seen most of these files. As he turned a page, his slender fingers paused.

“Code **, deterioration level reached as high as 95%, reversed deterioration after ** experiment, and after a period of observation, full recovery of human functions, deterioration level reduced to 7%. Detailed information requires special-level clearance to access.”

Looking at the encrypted data, Lucien's lips curved upward without a hint of a smile. He returned the file box to its original place.

It seemed there were quite a few deals he could make here.

[Chapter 5]

“To see a world in a grain of sand, and a heaven in a wild flower. Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand, and eternity in an hour. A truth that’s told with bad intent, beats all the lies you can invent...”

(T/N: From the poem Auguries of Innocence written by William Blake. For Blake there's such thing as white lies. Because 'A truth that's told with bad intent' is worse than any lie, because some lies can be well-intentioned)

Under the camphor tree swayed by the autumn breeze, he softly recited verses from the book. Sensing the girl in his arms gradually breathing deeper, he closed the book and gently brushed a strand of hair from the corner of her eye.

In the warm breeze, Lucien slowly opened his eyes, gazing at the familiar cold white ceiling of his office, feeling a slight sense of déjà vu.

This was the fourth time in these seven days that he had dreamt of her.

Since the deterioration, he had hardly experienced any physical discomfort. However, the frequency of thinking about her had increased significantly. He didn't resist this feeling; in fact, every time he thought of her unintentionally, the neurons in his brain transmitted a sense of pleasure to every cell.

He ran his fingers over his knuckles; the wounds from his struggle with GR had scabbed over, but she still applied bandages to them cautiously. Lucien pressed his temple to clear his mind a bit, then returned to his desk, opened a document, and entered the latest date.

“Dreamt of her in a dream, vivid memory of dream content, but ruled out as a recollection.”

After recording this, he opened his email.

This was the latest data on energy fluctuations within Loveland City. On the vast map of Loveland City, there were numerous unusual energy fluctuations. After comparing the fluctuation charts for each period, he noticed the locations where fluctuations were concentrated at different times.

Approximately 36 days ago at around 18:39, Central Park. He and the girl had gone to the night market in the park after work, and they had dinner at a street food stall.

Approximately 27 days ago at around 12:25, the Life Sciences Institute. She came to bring him lunch and, in passing, asked him about the topic for the next program.

15 days ago at 23:48, his apartment. To celebrate the upcoming weekend, they stayed up late watching a movie and didn't return home until very late. She stood at his doorstep and bid him goodnight.

Nine days ago...

The light from the screen reflected a coldness in his pupils as he stared at the map with red markers blinking in different locations.

The center of the fluctuations, once again, was that source of power that had captivated countless people—CORE.

The more beautifully the flower bloomed, the more it attracted annoying flies.

A sudden sense of irritation welled up within him.

What would it take to keep those ill-intentioned insects away from this deeply-rooted flower?

“Snap.”

The light sound shattered the silence as the pen fell to the ground and rolled twice before coming to a stop by his feet.

That sudden absurd idea had torn away all pretense, revealing the raw instinct in its entirety.

— If she had her own path, she shouldn't be trapped by him.

— Don't restrain yourself with rationality, look at your true heart.

Perhaps that dream had already given him a hint. The scales in his heart had gradually tilted away from reason, moving in an unexpected direction.

— She withstood all the wind and rain that came her way, growing resiliently into someone he found truly remarkable. He couldn't encase her within his protective glass cover.

— Are you really don't expect it? Really don't want to possess her? Humans are inherently greedy. Indulgence is human nature.

Lucien felt as though there was a consciousness from a deeper layer detaching from his body, standing at a higher vantage point, watching with keen interest as the two voices in his mind continued their ongoing debate.

Perhaps his own deterioration graph had already started its inexorable ascent towards an unpreventable height, progressing towards the final moment that could arrive at any time.

He suddenly realized that he wasn't as averse to facing that moment as he thought. All the changes in his body were intriguing, both evolution and destruction.

Cells and genes evolved over countless years to adapt to their environment, giving birth to more complete species. However, the incompleteness of the Evol gene led to human deterioration, going in the opposite direction of evolution.

Perhaps Evol held a meaning deeper than “evolution” and “power,” a meaning that no one, including him, had yet to comprehend.

His phone vibrated suddenly, bringing the storm in his mind to an abrupt halt. The girl's name accompanied a text message that appeared before him.

“Do you have time tonight? I found a new barbecue place on Huapu Street.”

“Of course, I'll pick you up after work.”

Perhaps he shouldn't see her now; if he did, this imbalance might intensify rapidly.

But why not indulge in something that brought him happiness?

Lucien closed his eyes.

This self-observation finally introduced more significant variables.

NEXT STOP-> [S2 Chapter 51]

#first heart disease now CANCER??? pg you should stop giving this man every diseases known to human #SOO excited translating S2 ch 51 #mlqc lucien #mr love queen's choice #mlqc cn #mlqc spoiler #mlqc #mlqc translation #mr. love queen's choice #mr love lucien #mlqc xu mo

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zendyval · 3 months

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I've been on here for years without talking about personal stuff but things are fucking bad man. July has always been the WORST month for my family. My dad died in July, we buried him on his birthday. My uncle died in July. My cousin's boyfriend dropped dead while running a race in extreme heat in July. Now my other uncle is almost at end of life and there will some hard decisions about that coming, which are probably coming this month. All in different years of course.

My sister is back in chemo fighting Stage 4 cancer. Her WBC are so low that I'm scared for her to be anywhere because she can't fight off shit. Yet I still have to go to work and commute and come home to her and the only thing I can do is try to be as safe as possible so as not to bring germs home with me. Oh, and we're heading into a summer COVID surge. While also caring for my senior citizen mother who has very serious health issues too, though her issues are at least under control at the moment. But she also has no common sense and can't drive anymore and needs help with many things.

Should also add I have a chronic illness which doesn't allow me to physically be able to do as much as I'd like, but I manage it as best I can. Also with both my sister and cousin contracting cancer young, all my yearly check-ups scare the shit out of me, but at least I've done most of my screening so far this year.

My family has seriously not had a break since I don't even know when. I swear I live in a constant state of adrenaline and panic.

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awhalesrider · 1 year

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Our beloved V and her love

Players have been looking at the world from V's perspective. Valerie is the observer who brings our eyes. We see the story of many characters, but we have less opportunity to observe our girl. Perhaps it is easy to be less sensitive to many of her behaviors and emotions, since we have been long used to seeing those options as a means to serve the plot of the game. However, if we do not take it all for granted, but think deep inside the logic behind with some of our subjective initiative, we will realize that the johnny/v relationship from V's perspective may be a perfect example of "showing instead of telling".

Valerie seems to be more accustomed to show her love and care to others. She is the one always offering a helping hand in her established relationship. You can say this is a coincidence caused by the characteristics of the first-person RPG, but in any case, the result is that she is relatively more introverted in various relationships. She listens instead of telling. It's more like everyone needs her than she needs them [born to be a merc, don't you think?]. She listens to everyone's troubles and solves all kinds of problems, but she seldom easily shows her vulnerability until she has to. Even if she decides not to hide the sad truth from her friends, she rarely asks for support directly. What she says more is "It's okay." or "I feel better now. No worries." or "I've found a way. Hope it works". This is what I find most endearing and remarkable about our girl - the main storyline is her plight. She is dying. Her life is counting down. She is the one who needs help. But beyond that, dozens of side jobs are basically about her pulling others out of the shadows, out of the mire, and into a new life. Imagine a patient with terminal cancer who is still doing psychological therapy for others, and you will find that she is so strong and brave, and so good at pretending; that she can even fool the group of strangers behind the screen who think they know her best. The new legend in NC that we knew doesn't even know how to escape the scythe of death.

This is where it gets interesting. With Valerie, we visited Judy's hometown flooded by the reservoir. We met the family members who are dependent on River. We understand the past of Panam and Aldecados. And we know very well the years of light and gloom of Kerry.

The problem is, we don't know much about V. We have only a one-sided perception of her life. Again, you can say that this is the beauty of first-person RPGs! Leaving enough room for the player's imagination! We can totally make up our story for our V. But the objective truth is that our knowledge of V's memory in the game is from the prologue and some seperated side jobs about her background (i.e., street kid/corpo/nomad). In addition, what we get is only fragments of her childhood that she dictated to herself, and Johnny's words.

Yes. Johnny's words describing the first half of V's life.

The man is the closest obeserver of V.

V: "Sure seem to know a lot about my past."

Johnny:"Well, seen flashes of your past, just like you've seen flashes of mine."

That's what makes their relationship so special. Valerie rarely reveals her past voluntarily and shows her thoughts, but whether she wants it or not, she has a partner who shares these secrets with her and is as close to her as her sense of self. I have to mention her time with the joytoys in the clouds that connects her subconscious. In fact, if we talk to the end, we will find that it is very much like a simple conversation she had with Johnny back in the Tapeworm. Angel and the Sky have slightly different lines, but they both end with the phrase "If you must kill, kill. If you must burn all the world to the ground, then let it burn.", I don't think this is an echo without any particular purposes.

So for Valerie, the relationship with Johnny is different from her other intimate relationships. In the dialogue with Johnny we can see Valerie releasing her various emotions to the greatest extent possible. She rarely comes across as the strong and reliable merc who seems to be powerful and always makes people feel safe. On the contrary, in Tapeworm and Chippin' In, we can see V show her vulnerability and sensitivity while changing Johnny. She often expresses her confusion and anger. She no longer says "I found a way". She asks "what do you want". She can be confused, fearful of death, and greedy for life. she becomes a resentful and incomprehensible about the city and her fate. She becomes an ordinary young person, resentful and uncomprehending about the city and her fate. Johnny knows her past like he knows the back of his hand. He knows everything she cares about most and the root of all her fears. He listens to her, understands her and even stubbornly decides to save her. He keeps asking her forcefully to accept his help and reminds her after the meaningful concert that "Kerry's got his life back. Whereas we should be worryin' about how to get yours back". So Mr. Pondsmith, the original author of the board game, is right in saying that because of Johnny's presence, V was cushioned before she had a nervous breakdown and became a cyber psychopath.

Such companionship and closeness would be like painkillers. Perhaps V is unconscious to herself, but she has developed dependence long before she realizes. Her subconscious habit of defending him would have been able to show her subtle preference. Before she knew it, Johnny was already a source of security. No matter how much she usually argued with him and said she didn't want to hear him anymore, her subconscious was looking for him at the most fearful and uncomfortable times.

When V first accessed the cyberspace in the Pacifica with the Voodoo Boys, she uneasily seeked confirmation from Johnny as she stepped into the biting cold water. And before she had a near-death experience of that time of unconsciousness, she fell to the ground and called out Johnny's name, saying in her mind that she was going to die, until he held her wrist and said she ain't dying yet cuz he got her. It is said that people are most honest when they are dying. Did Valerie find her true feelings about him at that time? Did she realize that she only wanted to rely on this pure solace of the heart, despite all the friends she had met, despite knowing that Johnny could not technically and literally offer her a hand in the material world?

Maybe that's why she gave that answer when Johnny asked her if she would take a bullet for him.

The Johnny in her head is just a mass of data, a phantom, and a copy of the engram. Everyone including Johnny knows this, and Valerie reminds herself of this fact from time to time, but she still believes in the end that he is a part of her soul, a comrade who will accompany her to the end. The kitten (Nibbles) they picked up together was real, the tattoos he left on her arm were real, and so were his dog tags and his promises.

Valerie's desire to live is so strong, but in the most ideal development path of the plot, even if she had to endure the suffer because of the RELIC, she didn't even take much of tablet to block him out until the final rooftop choice. Could it be that she would rather endure physical pain than experience sudden loneliness and isolation on a spiritual level? She emphasizes her control over her body, yet she swallows Endotrizine for him again and again to fulfill his last wish when she knows she is getting closer to death. Why could she trust a man who was destined to take her life? Why can you trust someone who has shown all his "previous conviction" to her, someone she knows is a jerk in the past?

Only Valerie knows why.

In the deleted dialogue, Hellman says that she, letting Johnny control her body, is like a young girl in love and doesn't care anything else (I dont know the original lines in English but I do see the line in the Chinese ver voice package). In the end of the secret ending, Rogue said that Johnny must have made a pretty big impression on V for getting on board. The truth is it's hard for an outsider to really understand what it's like to have someone so close in spirit.

It's never the same thing as "Let's try. We can break up if it doesn't work out". Once that "you're in me, and I'm in you" state is confirmed, she can't get out of it - unless she denies herself. As long as she can't let go of herself, she can't let go of him. She's willing to give to him as much as she's willing to give to herself.

So even at the end of the six months Valerie has left to live, she will feel that she can't hear him anymore and can't see him anymore, but she will never lose him. There will always be a part of her soul that belongs to him. Maybe she will listen to his songs, holding all the traces of him left behind and missing him without a word, because no one can understand.

She will only tell them that she just got used to him.

#silverv #johnny silverhand #female v #johnny x v #johnny silverhand x v #cyberpunk2077 #cp2077 #cp77 #some meta stuff #just some personal understandings #I love this ship #OTP silverv

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lizardsfromspace · 6 months

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America's Justice TV, Episode #5643, 4/17/20XX

Broadcasting from the gorgeous, warm ocean beaches of Pennsylvania, the latest criminal cases - where YOU, the beautiful television viewers of the Holy Democratic States of America, are the jury!

JUDGE: *banging gavel* So Mr. Perry, you stand accused of running over Mr. Gross' seven year old daughter with the treads of your Ford® Heavy-Duty® SuburbaTank®, MSRP just 15 million at participating dealerships, how do you plead?

MR. PERRY: *laughing* If driving eighty tons of gleaming American steel is a crime, then I'm guilty. But last I checked, this is still America.

JUDGE: Yes - and now it's time for America to vote! *drums, music, flashing lights* The vote is in, and the America's Justice TV Viewer Verdict Brought To You By Krispy Kreme is...not guilty!

MR. PERRY: *laughing* Thank God.

MR. GROSS: He - he murdered my daughter! He-!

JUDGE: *banging gavel* Quiet down, Mr. Gross. As you know, a not guilty vote of over 75% triggers the Reverse Case, where the accuser is now the accused. This was a decisive victory. So now, Mr. Gross - you're facing America's Justice TV! *music, drums*

MR. GROSS: This is idiotic. What am I guilty of -

MR. PERRY: Ain't reckless pedestrianism a crime? And that daughter of yours should've known better than to think a crosswalk was safe.

MR. GROSS: But -

JUDGE: That's right - why weren't you ferrying her across the street in a big, beautiful car? Do you even own a SuburbaTank® or *he laughs* a SuburbaTankForHer®? Or a Coal-Rollin' MegaCruiser®? Don't answer that - it's time for America to vote! *drums, music, flashing lights* And the vote is in! Mr. Gross is guilty of encouraging fatal pedestrianism!

MR. GROSS: This is -

JUDGE: And contempt of court! Now, America, it's time to decide his fate with the America's Justice TV Viewer Sentence Brought To You By Dunkin'. *drums, music, flashing lights* And for the fifty six hundred and forty-third episode in a row, America has chosen death! Now to decide the method with the America's Justice TV Viewer's Choice Method of Death Brought To You By Boeing. *intense drums* This week it's lethal injection! *cutaway to dancing audience members* Yes, lots of love for lethal injection in the house tonight!

MR. GROSS: You're all -

*hard cut to a screen saying "OUR DAILY PRAYER" beside folded hands*

JUDGE: *standing in front of a US flag with a cross behind the stars, and paintings of Jesus and Donald Trump with crowns of thorns* Lord, no matter how despicable we may find pedestrians, please forgive him of his sin. We are simply your instruments of justice, defending our beautiful country and its beautiful trucks from anyone who would dare to harm them, but we must love our enemy with peace and grace...next up on AmericaTV, it's a very special and inspirational episode of Border Wipeout, as a child sick with cancer gets his wish - to make a obstacle for the southern border obstacle course - and you'll never believe how many invaders he takes out with it! *a woman in tattered clothes falling in a watery hole and sinking as a laugh track plays* Coming up next! Don't change the channel! Because there aren't any others!

#writing #long post #unreality cw #tbh i started with the image of someone praying guilty to owning a big truck and worked backwards

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missmastectomy · 5 months

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Question, around when do negative health affects start showing up for females on testosterone? I'm only now beginning to look into detrans content and have been on T for almost six years which I thought was a decently long time, I figured if it was going to hurt my health it would have done it by now. But now I'm beginning to worry that these things maybe only begin to happen eight, ten, etc. years down the line... how many years did it take for you, if you don't mind me asking? Am I just lucky in getting no ill effects or is it kind of just inevitable if I keep putting off going off T/detransitioning

So, it really just depends on the person. I knew people who started getting atrophy after just a year, while others were fine for a few years, and then 5 years down the line had such intense problems that they decided to get hysterectomies. I’ve heard accounts from people on the detrans sub that they were 10 years on T before getting side effects, and that some were lucky enough not to have issues.

Unfortunately, I can’t really give you a time window because the research just isn’t there yet. We know T causes issues and they are not uncommon at all (a look in the ftm sub says a million words - lots of posts about health problems), but we don’t know the details for onset. People’s bodies respond very differently.

So, maybe it would be a good idea for you to check things out with your endo and a gynecologist? I saw a gyno recently and got screened for cervix cancer and ovarian cysts, just to keep ahead of any complications. If nothing else it will give you peace of mind, if you’re not ready to go off HRT.

The other thing I want to say is that you really can’t take hormones “safely,” in the sense that they won’t have ill effects. Maybe you saw my last ask response, but basically female reproductive systems cannot operate without healthy levels of estrogen. It’s why sudden stops to your period can be a big red flag, because it indicates something is going haywire. Taking T is very hard on your body and from the accounts I’ve seen from people 10+ years down the line, all the transmen have run into complications.

I highly recommend Carol’s channel:

youtube

She’s a detrans woman who talks a lot about her experiences and is a great resource. If you’re not looking to detransition, maybe consider talking to your doc about lowering your dosage if you’re at male-typical levels of T. I don’t know for sure, but I imagine it might be easier on your body to reduce your levels a little. Stay safe 🤍

#detrans #detransition #transition #trans #mail

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houseofbrat · 6 months

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No, I don't think it's as serious as the conclusions people are leaping to. If her cancer was actually "serious," then she would have stated that she is being "actively treated for cancer.

Oh, sorry if I’m a bit lost on this topic, but cancer experiences in my circle has been completely different from this.

I understand the point you are making. However I’ve seen many people saying that we don’t know in what stage the cancer was (I want to imagine it isn’t stage 4 since she wouldn’t have used ‘preventative’ chemo term, she should have used ‘chemotherapy’ term since it would have meant it was already metastasized and preventative wouldn’t be the case) and that she at the end ‘has’ cancer because doctors don’t know if she still has cancer cells on her body, so they will mop op those who remain and the doctors can’t see.

I’ve seen other people talking on their experience and saying that they went to surgery and only after it, it was detected the person has stage 3-4 cancer, is that possible? Or when you have a more advanced cancer it’s more visible with PET scans and other medical tests? Like I don’t understand or can’t comprehend how some doctors can’t see a stage 4 cancer in some organ if that would mean it was already in other organs, or how that works?

[previous ask]

A general overview of cancer (TNM) staging is described in detail here.

T = tumor, which can be staged 0 through 5 (depending upon organ/location). N = lymph node, has it spread to the lymph nodes? What kind of lymph nodes? Sentinel node, group of nodes, several groups of nodes? M = metastasis, yes or no

Specific staging numbers and letters varies based on where the primary tumor is located. Stage 3 or 4 cancer is unquestionably visible on imaging. Stage 4 is usually metastatic cancer, where lymph nodes have been affected. (Except for testicular cancer, which I understand no longer stages up to the number 4 because it has a 99% cure rate in the US.) This is when there are visible lesions on imaging, and surgeons can see tissue abnormalities during surgery with certain kinds of equipment.

Stage 0 is when no actual tumor/mass is found; it is also known as in situ, where abnormal cells in a single tissue layer have not formed a mass.

Consider Kate's statement:

“In January, I underwent major abdominal surgery in London and at the time, it was thought that my condition was non-cancerous. The surgery was successful. However, tests after the operation found cancer had been present. My medical team therefore advised that I should undergo a course of preventative chemotherapy and I am now in the early stages of that treatment."

Masses usually tend to be visible on imaging because radiographic imaging is very good these days. Even though she didn't mention it, she likely had pre-op imaging of some sort, probably a CT scan (with or without contrast). As Dr. Reiner mentioned on CNN, they would have known IF she had any suspect masses in her abdomen prior to surgery. They don't just cut people open and take a look under the hood. If the surgeons noted any abnormalities during the surgery, they would have told Kate after the surgery about those abnormalities and informed her the final results would be determined after testing by pathology.

If she didn't have any visible masses on imaging and if Kate isn't saying that her surgeons informed her of suspicious tissue post-op and they only "found cancer had been present" after pathology, then--based on her own statements--it sounds as if her "cancer" is in situ or stage 0.

As for how other people go through cancer screening or surgery and find out they are stage 3 or 4, well, that gets into how different people's biology grows cancer at different rates.

The below image is taken from a screen shot from Vinay Prasad's video on mammography, which I previously posted here. Vinay Prasad is a hematologist-oncologist (cancer doctor).

In this graphic, you see four trajectories with four different animals associated--bird, bear, turtle, snail. There is a red vertical line noting "screening detects cancer." There are two dotted gray lines. The top one notes "size at which cancer causes death" while the one below the bear (and the word "slow") says "size at which cancer causes symptoms."

The four trajectory animals:

Bird: fast growing cancer

Bear: slow growing cancer

Turtle: very slow growing cancer

Snail: non-progressive cancer

The example where you are describing, "I’ve seen other people talking on their experience and saying that they went to surgery and only after it, it was detected the person has stage 3-4 cancer," is a fast growing cancer. A "bird" "in the graphic above. Those kind of cancers are almost impossible to treat. It can be difficult for people with those kind of cancers to make it to the five-year survival rate no matter what kinds of treatments are used.

Charles probably has a "bear" type of cancer. Slow growing but detectable, which is why I suspect he's going to be okay. You can read some urologist comments from reddit here, which I previously posted. It's likely that Charles is being treated for bladder cancer, which was found after his benign prostatic hypertrophy (BPH) procedure. It's not uncommon to find bladder cancer during BPH procedures.

Kate--based on her own statements--sounds as if she has either a "turtle" or a "snail." If cancer wasn't suspected at all prior to her surgery, then it's likely that what she has currently would pose no immediate threat to her or in the near future. She could have waited six months and been re-evaluated. Instead, it sounds as if she is already napalming her own body with "preventative chemotherapy." A treatment she likely doesn't need but can afford because she has "the best doctors." It sounds more like over-treatment and carries serious risks.

You can read more about over-treatment & over-diagnosis in cancer in the following two articles.

While conventional wisdom holds that early diagnosis is good, H. Gilbert Welch, a professor of medicine and director of the Center for Medicine and the Media at the Dartmouth Institute for Health Policy and Clinical Practice, views it as a major problem for modern medicine, with myriad social, medical, and economic implications. In his new book, Overdiagnosed: Making People Sick in the Pursuit of Health (Beacon Press, 2011), Welch and coauthors Lisa Schwartz and Steven Woloshin write about the hazards of looking too hard for illnesses in healthy people, including additional procedures that carry no benefit, but may cause harm, higher health care costs, and psychological detriments.

Over a decade ago, Welch started looking into the effects of mass screening programs for cancer that have emerged around the globe. These programs take otherwise healthy people and subject them to tests to find out whether they have lumps and bumps that may be malignant. This is different from using ultrasounds or other technologies to diagnose people at risk of a disease or who have symptoms that require investigation. It's the type of preemptive screening that so many celebrities advocate. Welch found something surprising: in many cases, screening wasn't actually helping people or saving lives. The programs were turning healthy people into cancer patients unnecessarily, leading them to needless treatment and hospitalization, creating clubs of "cancer survivors" who actually would have lived even if their cancers were left untouched.

#ask #my gif #medicine #kate middleton #Catherine The Princess of Wales #cancer schmancer

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lottieurl · 1 year

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mixed feelings! some thoughts under the cut

i'd personally be okay with this death if not for the fact that the white men are all fcking immortal??? like it's getting laughable? travis is canon dead and so is javi now but ben somehow made it out alive of a season where he did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING INTERESTING and just added a whole ass new man with his brain. he better get murdered in the first ep of s3. jeff obviously SAVED! no jail no death for fcking jeff. walter also fucking alive and my biggest dread for s3 is that misty will continue to be. kinda meh in adulthood because he KEEPS BEING THERE. can't believe we had a whole character for no reason paralleling crystal and crystal died but the way she died was actually PARALLELED WITH NAT DYING. why the fuck does walter even EXIST then. get this man off my fcking screen. shitty creep cop also managed to live like literally only kevyn died of the men which is! a choice!

other complaints are just. REALLY? no jackie ghost in the FINALE??? makes me worried they're getting rid of jackie hauntings which is a downright awful choice. hopefully they don't but at this point i'll be shocked

they rly gave us a mistynat little win in the teen timeline just to . do this. huh. right after.

van is fascinating to me right now i am So curious where they're gonna take her in s3 and also? did anyone else think she seemed to think her cancer is gone because of nat's death? we'll see

ben totally did burn down that cabin right? my guy some of those girls are unkillable. they're totally killing him and going to live in the cave

love how the cabin burning paralleled them getting out of the plane. with van as last even and everything

lottie :(((((((((((

that scene with teen nat telling ben 'i'm worse' was SO LIKE ADULT NAT holy fuck that's gonna hurt bad in s3

btw travis biting into a raw heart of his brother was fucking insane. very good

btw so many fucking scenes with just men i am so serious showtime i will break all of those men's legs IN REAL LIFE so that they cannot film those for s3

#really a very good ep except for the fucking JUST MEN scenes which shouldn't exist and were pointless #like entirely pointless and unnecessary #might cut them out from my downloaded ep cause i can not be less interested #yellowjackets spoilers #yellowjackets blogging

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drascua · 14 days

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I know I know, no one wants to hear about it, but COVID denialism is making me crazy.

No vaccines on the NHS anymore for most people, and even then you're getting leftovers from last year that are about as effective against new variants as salt water. You can pay privately, but the government are dragging their feet on making them availible at all. Can't afford it? Tough shit. Posts on NHS-run social media accounts urging people to get their measles/flu/whooping cough/etc vaccines but no mention of COVID. Constant articles titled like "should we be worrying about the summer surge?" that all conclude with "don't worry it's just a cold. Also wash your hands I guess". Most people have no idea that it's airborne or that it has any consequences beyond "mild flu". Time off work for COVID is reduced all the time. Kids have to go back to school while still infectious. Many have long covid, but it's brushed off as behavioral problems, laziness, or the result of too much screen time. No more masks, no more regular testing, and hostility towards the idea of them. No one is told to take any precautions at all or given any information about the dangers of COVID, in fact all protections put in place have been removed. The sudden rise in cancer, heart attacks, and strokes in younger people is blamed on "ultraprocessed" food. We're all going "back to normal", we all have to "learn to live with it". Why is this what living with it looks like? Why could it not be regular testing, respiratory protection, the most effective vaccines for everyone, readily availible antivirals for the sick, and air purifiers indoors? This is just what I see living in the UK. I haven't even touched on how bad it still is all over the world.

And on a personal note, I'm just so fucking angry and exhausted. Something as simple as getting groceries requires a ton of risk assessment. My social life hardly exists anymore. Taylor Swift puts on superspreading stadium concerts while I'll probably never get to experience being thrown around a pit in a pub basement ever again. I already have shitty lungs, a laundry list of allergies, and lower energy levels & capacity for doing things than the average person. I have to constantly worry about my safety, even in my own home. And worse still, it's impossible to talk about this without being seen as a hypochondriac or conspiracy theorist or too mentally ill to take seriously. It's so incredibly isolating and I can't stand the thought that this is just the rest of my life now. Sealed in my room as the world passes me by. "You have to live your life"? Yeah, I wish I could.

#bitching and moaning tag #covid #ukpol #i guess

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hotchs-second-wife · 1 month

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DON'T BLAME ME || 4 || Jay Halstead x Thea Rhodes

Synopsis: Theodosia Rhodes, the youngest daughter of a big-time Chicago CEO, needs a husband of her own choice before her father makes that decision for her. Jason Halstead, newly-made Intelligence detective, needs a wife to inherit his portion of his mother's inheritance.

Warnings: Allusion to smut, but nothing outright excluding sexual thoughts. Mentions of arson, kidnapping, murder, rape; allusion to childhood trauma, suicide, cancer-related death; descriptions of vehicular accidents including, but not limited to, car-on-car collision, car-on-truck, train; outright familial/parental pressure; portrayal of misogyny and misandry; Elli's speech downgrades and upgrades a lot because I'm not around kids 24/7 (thank god). Read ahead at your own risk.

THEA

The socialites I grew up with always were—and likely always would be—gossip mongers. When they weren't out spending Daddy Dear's money, they gossiped about the lives of others.

Half speculated Jay had gotten me pregnant, and to keep up Dolan Rhodes' public image, he married me so the child wouldn't be born out of wedlock. The other half suspected he was after my money—why else would a "no-good rat with nothing to show" marry into one of the most prominent businesses in Chicago?

Most Chicago socialites shared one braincell and smarts rarely worked in that one cell. Most, because I still had good friends from high school that were smarter to think I was pregnant, or my husband wanted my money. Especially a detective.

Jay was a kind man, better than half of high society's socialite boyfriends or fiancès. At least he had some decency to make it clear he didn't love me like a husband should, nor would he take advantage of the fact we were married to get into my pants.

"You know if I was him, I would've slept with you in an instant." Shay insisted, leaning against the back of the sofa as I scrolled through articles on my laptop. I'd originally been ordering new air masks for the team, but Shay wanted to snoop on the society I grew up in.

Gabby snorted, "you would've slept with Teddy even if you weren't married to her."

I had to agree with her. While I was into women, Shay was too close for me to think about a romantic relationship with, even just as friends-with-benefits. And considering we worked together, things would've ended awkwardly in the long run. We both knew that.

"Told you he was a good one." Gabby pointed at me. "Makes a good husband by the sound of it, and your family's alright with him. Your sister likes him, and your father hasn't said anything."

"Because he knows I'd just ignore him. As far as he's concerned, I'm in love with Jay." I snorted, turning back to my laptop. "Nothing beats a love match in high society."

Otis pointed at the articles popping up at the bottom of the website open. "You didn't say you're an heiress."

DOLAN RHODES HEIRESS FINALLY MARRIED.

RHODES HEIRESS MARRIED TO A DETECTIVE.

WHO IS DET. JAY HALSTEAD? WHY HAVE WE NEVER HEARD OF HIM?

The last title piqued Cruz and Otis' interest, both nagging me to click on it. As we do, photos the press took from the wedding infiltrate the screen.

"The wedding Theodosia Rhodes and Jason Halstead has been the talk of Chicago lately, with many speculating that Detective Halstead married into the Rhodes family for a piece of the money. Why else would a Canaryville native marry one of the richest young women in Illinois?" Cruz read out loud.

"Because he needed a wife?" Gabby deadpanned.

Cruz continued. "Dolan Rhodes doesn't hire just anyone. Marrying the second child of CEO Cornelius Rhodes would certainly give Detective Halstead the jump into getting his own store.

And let's not forget the dramatic difference on childhoods between the married couple. Detective Halstead grew up with one older brother in Canaryville, while Lieutenant Rhodes grew up as the older of two twins with an older sister. Rhodes' mother died by suicide when she and her twin brother were only ten years old, and Halstead's mother passed when he was 23 and deployed."

"Of course, my mother is brought up again." I grunted, sitting back as Otis took my laptop.

"Detective Halstead is made out to be a loving husband, but would he be there if something happens to the lieutenant?"

"Like any of these pampered poodles would be there if something happened," I rolled my eyes, watching Mouch jump channels.

Most calls happened during the day—people were awake then, and more likely to get in trouble. So we had the night to ourselves.

Which, with firefighters, meant sleeping.

Unless you were a 20-something newly-married lieutenant with a pile of paperwork to do that should have been done when you were on your honeymoon, but wasn't.

I needed popcorn to get me through it, since having Pride and Prejudice playing on my computer required popcorn. I knew we had some left over from a few days ago, so I snatched it from the shelf and put it in the microwave.

"Rough night?" I heard Herrmann's voice ask from behind me. When I nodded, he continued. "How's the marriage going?"

"In all truth, Herrmann, I don't know how it's meant to go. I mean, my mom and father's marriage was pretty much so there'd be good-looking kids guaranteed and a smart heir to the company."

He raised an eyebrow with concern etched on his face. "Is that what you want?"

I shrugged. I didn't know. "Jay told Brooklyn he wanted an amicable partner and a fine marriage that his mother's lawyer would believe, just in case that it took forever for the will to be done. I just wanted my father off my back."

"Do you want a fine marriage, as Halstead calls it?"

"What's with all the questions, Herrmann?" I frowned, taking the popcorn bag out of the microwave and emptying it into a metal bowl.

"I just worry about you, kid. You know you and Gabby are like daughters to me." Herrmann sat with me at the round table. "I can tell something's bothering you, and it's a different look to just paperwork."

I sighed. "I don't know how to be a good wife, much less a good girlfriend. I broke up with Chief Jones' son purely because my father didn't like him being a firefighter."

"I think that break up was more than your father's opinion."

"I don't know what I'm doing, Chris." I stuffed a few popped kernels in my mouth. "I offered myself up for him to sleep with me on our honeymoon and he turned it down."

Herrmann gave me a sympathetic smile. "He's a good man for you, Teddy. He's not taking advantage of a situation he knows you don't know anything about." He grimaced briefly. "Cindy might have mentioned your lack of...preparedness of marriage."

"Gee wow. I love Cindy and all, but—wow."

"She was hoping he'd take it as you only wanting your father off your back and nothing else, and it worked." He excused. "He knows you're doing as well as you know how. I'm sure he'll say something if he wants more out of this arrangement of yours."

I offered him some of the warm popcorn. "Thanks, Herrmann. You have some good advice—some."

"I'll take it." Herrmann shrugged. "Finish that and get some rest, kiddo. Can't have our Lieutenant Rhodes falling asleep on a call."

"You and I both know I could never!"

JAY

I knew the apartment would be quiet without her home, but I didn't think it would be quiet enough to hear a feather drop. Especially with housekeepers around.

I couldn't help but call Brooke. I needed someone to talk to and staring at the roof was driving me crazy.

"It's 3-freaking-am. You better not tell me someone's been murdered, because that'll be Voight in half an hour." Brooke's voice hissed through the phone. She was a cranky one whenever she got woken up from her sleep.

According to Thea, that was all Severides. Including Brooke's niece, who slept near all day anyway. Severide was alright with me taking her for the 24 hours he and Thea were working, but so long as Brooke was around and Elizabeth had gone back to Brooke's after we spent time together.

"Is that Mommy's husband?" And to say that little girl loved me was an understatement. Thea had been cautious about introducing me to her so soon, but Elizabeth had delighted over the wedding, and Brooke had to stop her from running after Thea's car when we left for the cruise.

"Yes, say hi to Mr. Jay."

"Hi, Mr. Jay! Do you miss Mommy too?"

I laughed at her question. Not because it was an outrageous thing to think, but it was true. I slept in the same bed with Thea for three nights, and I was missing her. A large, quiet apartment was a lonely one. I was used to living in my own, but I guessed that expecting someone home soon was what made me uneasy.

"I do. Your mommy's fun to be around." I answered truthfully.

Elizabeth let out an agreeing hum. "Mommy is fun. She lets me dress up and do things Daddy won't let me do."

"That's because Daddy says no, and you go to Mommy and she can't say no to you." Brooke snorted, and I listened to their play tussle over the phone. "Thea says she's always wanted a daughter, so when she and Kelly met Elle at the hospital, she immediately offered to help raise her. When Claire met her, she'd mistaken Elle as her sister's baby.

"Apparently Elle looked like Thea when she was a baby." It made sense, she still looked like her mother. Even if Thea didn't give birth to her.

Brooke excused herself, putting her phone on her bedside table, as she took Elizabeth back to bed. When she came back, she was getting a call from Kelly and said goodnight.

So I went back to staring at the ceiling. Then I looked at the bookshelf, glancing over the book spines. I recognised a couple Thea had been reading last week, and there were a few gaps between the book sections. Of course, separated by genre because—as Thea put it—she's not a monster.

I remembered her tour she gave of the apartment, and her showing me the spot on the balcony I was absolutely not allowed to stand on at any given time because the wild birds that visited her claimed that is their spot and she usually left seed out in the mornings she had work.

I'll put some out when I wake up, so she doesn't have to worry about it when she gets home.

One of the other bedrooms—there were five—was turned into her office where, if she wasn't doing CFD paperwork, she was reviewing store reports or resumes for potential store employees. The other four were the master bedroom—hers—mine, Elizabeth's and a spare room. We'd briefly discussed it'd be our future child's room, but she promised she wasn't expecting anything right away.

"CFD Firehouse 51, Lieutenant Rhodes' office." The house phone blared, and I almost forgot it did that. I rolled over to answer the phone on the bedside table.

I was expecting it to be her assistant when I'd answered, but her voice was instantly recognisable. "Did I wake you up?"

"No, I haven't been able to sleep." I excused. "How's work?"

"It's the usual, kid up a tree or in a hole he dug himself." She let out a breathy laugh. Thea went quiet for a moment, "lost a vic earlier."

"I'm sorry, Thea. That's rough."

She hummed. "I figured if anyone understood, you would." I couldn't argue with that, even though if I had to be called in, it was too late. We talked about stuff like that. "We have an engagement party to attend next week, an old friend of mine from high school. Loose term."

"Do you want me to buy an engagement gift?"

"No, no, she's got everything she could ever want and if she didn't, she could just ask her fiancé for it anyway. Just wanted to make sure you knew." I'd imagined social events would be a key feature of this marriage, and Thea had told me as such, but I'd figured nonsensical, baseline events like charity fundraisers where we'd only run into a few people she knew through her father.

She knew the engaged couple, so I'd have to act like I know her more than I actually do.

Make Brooke write a list of everything she knew about Thea.

"You can just wear a dress shirt and pants with your work shoes if you want," she continued, sitting her phone up on the desk as she opened her laptop. "What colour shirts do you have?"

"Uh, blue, black, and white—the one I wore at the wedding."

She hummed, and seemed to scroll through a website on her laptop. "We'll go with the white—if you don't mind—and I'll see if I can find a dress to match."

"Don't you have a dress picked out?" I asked, and Thea explained couples matching was the bride-to-be's thing. And likely the theme of their wedding. "Do you need me to do anything else?"

"Act like you're in love with me. I don't know how hard it could be, but I'm sure you'll find out."

The firehouse bell rang, and Thea said goodbye before hanging up. Act like you love me.

If I needed to put on a show in front of rich people, I could at least embarrass myself in front of friends first.

Brooke liked the idea of taking Elizabeth to see her mom and dad after work, so I convinced the girls to come buy flowers for Thea. Elizabeth led the way, of course, pointing out that her mother loved pink flowers and we settled on roses.

"Do you like Mommy?" Elizabeth asked, as Brooke strapped her into her seat. "Daddy says he likes Mommy a lot, and I asked him why he didn't marry her, but he doesn't like her that much."

"Because your mom and dad are best friends, like Mr. Jay and I," Brooke reasoned. "They love each other just as much as they love you, but it's a different love than you're thinking of, Sweet pea."

"Mommy and Daddy are best friends?" She looked at me with her little brown eyes sparkling. "Are you and Mommy best friends?"

"Someday, maybe. But we are friends. I used to be with Aunt Gabby."

Elizabeth giggled, "Auntie Gabby is funny. That's why Mommy likes her so much. Do you still like Auntie Gabby?"

"She's a Severide, naturally curious." Brooke smiled, sitting in the driver's seat. She looked at her niece in the rearview, checking if she was ready to see her parents.

When we arrived at the firehouse, only a few of the crew were sprinkling out and I recognised a few from the wedding. Thea's team, if I remembered them correctly. Elizabeth bounced at my feet, waving at her mother's team who happily waved back, and Brooke scrolled through her messages.

"They always take the longest; doesn't bother Elli though." Brooke snorted, playing a video showing her niece. Before long, her little voice squealed as Kelly and Thea walked out the apparatus doors with Casey and Gabby in tow.

As she ran towards them, Thea crouched down and opened her arms. "Principessa! Do you come to pick us up with Auntie Brooke?"

"And Mr. Jay has something for you!"

"I don't think you were supposed to say that, Elle," Kelly laughed, playing with her hair as Thea held her. He smiled at Brooke and nodded at me in greeting as we stopped in front of them.

"Aren't they pretty, Mommy?" Elizabeth meant the flowers, but Thea kept staring at me.

Kelly slipped his daughter from her arms with a "Tedd, I'm not an expert with romantic gestures, but I think you're meant to say something."

"Thank you," she squeaked. With a cough, this quiet Thea faded away. "You didn't have to."

"You're my wife."

Gabby practically squealed with Shay—Elizabeth's godmother—behind her and she gave them a side glance.

"I don't think I can do a big grand gesture every time I pick you up, but I can at least bring you flowers in a colour you like." I reasoned. Husbands who liked their wives did romantic gestures for their wives all the time, right? Sure, Thea was a means to an end and so was I, but it didn't mean I shouldn't bring her flowers or make her breakfast when I could.

Thea smiled, letting out a breath, before pointing at her BMW parked in front of the house. "I drove here."

"That's fine, I'll take Kelly and Shay home," Brooke laughed, passing Elizabeth to me. "Since it's your 48 hours with Elli, I'm sure Kelly won't mind her being with you."

Kelly and Thea gave each other silent looks—one which likely said I'd be a dead man at some point—before he agreed. He said goodbye to Elizabeth, and waved a goodbye to me as well.

Elizabeth fiddled with my collar as we walked to Thea's car. "He'll get used to you being around Elli. We agreed it was up to her if you're in her life, and she wanted to meet you, so he's adjusting."

"I'm fine with him not wanting me around Elizabeth, I understand. I wouldn't want a man I barely know around our young daughter either." Our?! Why did I say our?! Why did I assume we'd have a daughter?

"Mr. Jay missed you last night, Mommy. I bet it was really cold at Mommy's House without you there." She looked at Thea from the back seat. "He called Auntie Brooke because he was lonely."

"Because he and Auntie Brooke are best friends, principessa."

The ride home was mostly quiet, the occasional mention of something random from Elizabeth in the backseat. When she asked for snacks, Thea reminded her that there were snacks at home.

Getting to the apartment was less of a hassle with her around, since Doorman Willy recognised her from a mile away. There wasn't any triple checking to make sure we lived in the apartment, and Elizabeth enjoyed her lollipop as we rode the elevator.

Thea let out a sigh of content as she dropped her bag beside the door in the entry, fumbling with her keys to hang them on a hook with T etched into the holder. She'd gotten a J put above my key hook once I'd gotten the spare key, and a new spare was being made for her to give Elizabeth in ten years.

"Jay will put a show for you, and I'll get some snacks ready, okay?" When she received a nod, Thea headed into the kitchen. The apartment wasn't overly big, the kitchen and living room being open, with three bedrooms on the main floor and a loft above the kitchen. A laundry room was across the corridor to Elizabeth's bedroom along with a bathroom between them. Thea's ensuite was between our bedrooms; mine would become the spare bedroom whenever someone outside of Firehouse 51 and the unit would come by, and we'd move some of my things like photos into her room.

Thea set down the snacks in front of Elizabeth. "I'm going to figure out some dresses for upcoming events. You're fine to watch Elli for a few minutes, right?"

"Mommy runway!" Her daughter cheered, holding a carrot stick in one hand and a cookie in the other.

"Okay, let Mommy pick out a few dresses and you and Jay can rate them."

Elizabeth wiggled up onto the sofa, patting the cushion beside hers and eagerly signalling for me to sit down. Her mother had skipped off to get into some dresses.

The first was a pink off-the-shoulder dress that reached her mid-thigh, with bubblegum-like sleeves connected over the chest. It complimented her skin tone well, and thanks to her morning runs and her job, her legs worked with the dress rather than against it.

"Pretty Mommy!" Elli clapped her hands together excitedly.

Thea thanked her, giving her a curtsy as well as the dress would allow.

"It looks beautiful on you." I agreed earnestly. There was no point in lying—especially since she was warming up to me—and even a toddler could see she was beautiful.

We continued Thea's fashion show before Elizabeth became sleepy and was put to bed. "She was probably keeping Brooklyn up all night," Thea laughed, making sure the bedroom door was fully closed. The in-house chef mastered away at lunch, as we settled on the sofa.

We decided on a movie to watch, and sat in silence. Nothing inherently big happened, and we swapped watching the movie to being on our phones occasionally. "I've got a new candidate," Thea grunted, slumping further into the sofa.

"I thought Casey got the candidates."

"I sometimes get the chiefs' kids or the captains' brothers. They'd rather their candidate family members get 'better' training from a 'higher' officer." Thea rolled her eyes. "It's a load of bull, but at least it gives us something to do. Someone new, as well. Chief Jones' kid."

Why'd that name sound familiar?

Thea nodded beside me, "yes, one of my exes' little sister. She's a total sweetheart, but I think having a chief for a dad and officers for brothers gets to her head a lot of the time."

"You'll knock her down a few pegs, and get her into shape." I tried to reassure her, but I don't think she wanted it as she kept looking at her phone. I just thanked God that I wasn't in-charge of anyone too, and continued watching the movie.

#chicago fire #one chicago #chicago pd #one chicago oc #jay halstead

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