#tbh i started with the image of someone praying guilty to owning a big truck and worked backwards

[lizardsfromspace]

America's Justice TV, Episode #5643, 4/17/20XX

Broadcasting from the gorgeous, warm ocean beaches of Pennsylvania, the latest criminal cases - where YOU, the beautiful television viewers of the Holy Democratic States of America, are the jury!

JUDGE: *banging gavel* So Mr. Perry, you stand accused of running over Mr. Gross' seven year old daughter with the treads of your Ford® Heavy-Duty® SuburbaTank®, MSRP just 15 million at participating dealerships, how do you plead?

MR. PERRY: *laughing* If driving eighty tons of gleaming American steel is a crime, then I'm guilty. But last I checked, this is still America.

JUDGE: Yes - and now it's time for America to vote! *drums, music, flashing lights* The vote is in, and the America's Justice TV Viewer Verdict Brought To You By Krispy Kreme is...not guilty!

MR. PERRY: *laughing* Thank God.

MR. GROSS: He - he murdered my daughter! He-!

JUDGE: *banging gavel* Quiet down, Mr. Gross. As you know, a not guilty vote of over 75% triggers the Reverse Case, where the accuser is now the accused. This was a decisive victory. So now, Mr. Gross - you're facing America's Justice TV! *music, drums*

MR. GROSS: This is idiotic. What am I guilty of -

MR. PERRY: Ain't reckless pedestrianism a crime? And that daughter of yours should've known better than to think a crosswalk was safe.

MR. GROSS: But -

JUDGE: That's right - why weren't you ferrying her across the street in a big, beautiful car? Do you even own a SuburbaTank® or *he laughs* a SuburbaTankForHer®? Or a Coal-Rollin' MegaCruiser®? Don't answer that - it's time for America to vote! *drums, music, flashing lights* And the vote is in! Mr. Gross is guilty of encouraging fatal pedestrianism!

MR. GROSS: This is -

JUDGE: And contempt of court! Now, America, it's time to decide his fate with the America's Justice TV Viewer Sentence Brought To You By Dunkin'. *drums, music, flashing lights* And for the fifty six hundred and forty-third episode in a row, America has chosen death! Now to decide the method with the America's Justice TV Viewer's Choice Method of Death Brought To You By Boeing. *intense drums* This week it's lethal injection! *cutaway to dancing audience members* Yes, lots of love for lethal injection in the house tonight!

MR. GROSS: You're all -

*hard cut to a screen saying "OUR DAILY PRAYER" beside folded hands*

JUDGE: *standing in front of a US flag with a cross behind the stars, and paintings of Jesus and Donald Trump with crowns of thorns* Lord, no matter how despicable we may find pedestrians, please forgive him of his sin. We are simply your instruments of justice, defending our beautiful country and its beautiful trucks from anyone who would dare to harm them, but we must love our enemy with peace and grace...next up on AmericaTV, it's a very special and inspirational episode of Border Wipeout, as a child sick with cancer gets his wish - to make a obstacle for the southern border obstacle course - and you'll never believe how many invaders he takes out with it! *a woman in tattered clothes falling in a watery hole and sinking as a laugh track plays* Coming up next! Don't change the channel! Because there aren't any others!