#so like i relapsed this week

[kiisaes]

madeleine 🍪

[bisexualcherdegre]

D:BH Rarepairsweek 7 | @dbhrarepairs

Day 3: Hank/Markus After the revolution, Markus and Hank are both trying to deal with the new situation they've been handed. Their paths cross.

[butchnavi]

forced myself to wake up and leave my warm cozy blanky at 3:30 am in the winter to speedrun my syllabus because they gave us 12 hours to prep for our endsem are yall proud of me

[isdalinarhot]

god. most of the last two and a half weeks its been a situation where like most of the day im going about like normal just chilling just having a normal day a normal human would have and then during especially hard moments like if someone else was drinking around me or like implying they were doing so or whatever, or like nights where my writers block was really bad or i was feeling especially moody about how bad i hated myself, etc, it would be like 30 minutes tops of OUGHHHHH THE AGONIES but it was always very temporary. today is Not like that. today is like. more low level than the OUGHHHHH THE AGONIES days but it is straight up not going away even a little bit. like ive been up since 9:30 am and its 4 pm now and pretty much every second even if in the back of my mind ive just been like i need a drink i need a drink i need a drink like GIRL? i didnt have any triggering dreams, i didn't see anything all day talking about it, other than The Urge i haven't been in any fuckbrains-y headspaces. and yet ive had to fight things back literally all day

[angelstrawbabie420]

oh fucking BROTHER i just finished cleaning and had made smth to eat bc i finally convinced myself after all day that i wld feel better if i did (it’s been a HORRIFIC ed day) and i kid you not as soon as i sat down i dropped the whole thing all OVER myself and it FUCKING BURNED and HURT bc it was SCALDING !!!!! and then i had to clean up the ONE thing id convinced myself was okay to eat OFF THE FLOOR I JUST FINISHED MOPPING!!!!!! BROTHER. WHY ME.

[alxor-of-hellsite]

THINGS!

2025 is going to be the most jam packed stressful year of my life & i know that for sure because a lot is already planned. So i WILL be an absolute mental wreck (this is apologies in advance) & i will literally be clinging onto support most likely the whole year so tumblr will either be me spamming constantly or me not here for weeks or months at a time & barely posting? i’m so unpredictable. Anyways my entire life is guaranteed to change & the best case scenario will still ruin a lot of shit for me so if i get really depressed THERE IS REASON!!!! & i’ve already made several promises so the world is stuck with me if i can help it. so uuhhhhhhhhh YEAH. ANYWAYS IM SCARED FUCKING SHITLESS LIKE ZERO SHIT SCARED OUT KF MY FUCKING MIND SO YEAH. THE MENTAL STATE WONT BE THE BEST. LOVE YOU GUYS!!! IF MY ACTIVITY IS SPOTTY IM NOT DEAD WE’RE PROBABLY JUST DISSOCIATED AS SHIT!

Anyways. TLDR i’m going to be super fucking stressed out & out of pocket for the next year because of shit.

Any friends of ours read tags pretty please <3

[disengaged]

alright anorexia is boring, let’s get yolked

[starswallowingsea]

okay i just finished sleep tight by jh markert and christ alive what the fuck was that. i gave it 1.75/5 on storygraph and 2 stars on goodreads bc like. girl.

so the first thing is like. the most minor thing i'm going to complain about but it definitely needed one last line by line edit. how did they fuck up the daughter's name at the end and call her julie instead of julia when julie hadn't been an established nickname for her. there were a bunch of other lines that just felt like they were repeating what we already knew or didn't need to be there like we didnt need a line saying "that tess already knew because noah had told them in the car" <- not exact idc enough to go back and look but we know. we were THERE you do not have to remind us that they know this information okay.

now onto the rest of the book. so the concept is that after serial killer posing as a priest to lure victims in is executed by the state, a cult that formed around him decides they're going to get revenge on the people who locked him up and ultimately revealed that they're going to revive him with the help of the real mastermind. which i thought the serial killer priest would have been cooler than it was but whatevs thats on me. howeverrrrrrrr one of the early chapters was from the pov of a gravedigger/grave security guy and he talks about the group he just joined but explicitly called it a cult which was so. the word cult is very loaded and high control groups do not like to use it for themselves because of that and they'll use something else like group or religion for their cult even if people on the outside are calling it a cult. have you ever met an mlm girly like come on.

the mystery itself was laid out decently enough with the eyes and not so subtle hints that were dropped but the worst part of this was the fucking weird ass attempt at portraying DID. I am going to give markert the benefit of the doubt that he was trying his best and anyone reading this review who has DID is free to comment on this but i am not under the impression that most people know when a new alter fronts and that voices don't really change especially around strangers. also other than oskar and ruth, all of noah's alters were real people and 5 of them were people who he watched die and he just took on their personalities in his head and they don't age because the people they were based on stopped aging (ie died). they talked about it like he just absorbed their souls into his headspace??? and yes they could tell when someone switched to front because of his voice and like. the fact that two of them wear glasses and will put them on to front. i might be wrong and again correct me if i am but this does not seem like how it works when systems meet strangers for the first time especially ones that get violent and upset when they cant get the alter they want to front to front.

sticking with the theme of weird insensitivities about trauma, why was fuckhead justin so insistent that tess needed to forceably relive her trauma (which was revealed at the end of the book and ngl kinda anticlimactic) to try and fill in gaps in her memory from when she was 13 because it made him upset? like dude she probably shouldn't be doing that if she doesn't want to its buried for a reason leave her alone!! and the fact that their relationship went back to business as usual after everything was so!!!!! i think they should have gotten divorced anyway there is no way this is going to work out long term sorry.

and finally i get that american police just shoot indiscriminately but killing benjamin in front of 11 young children seemed kinda unnecessary. especially when they were crowded around him and could easily have been caught in the crossfire but magically weren't and the bullets only hit ben. sorry but at least one of those kids should have had some sort of gun related injury from that if not more if you were going to kill ben.

[rabbitindisguise]

on the negative side, I'm never drinking caffinated tea ever again because it apparently makes me manic. That's especially sad because I found that out after drinking delicious tea I'll never be able to drink again and by becoming manic (i.e. the hard way)

on the plus side, I wasn't manic before I drank caffeine! and I probably won't be come tomorrow afternoon thank fuck. It's so unpleasant. So, so uncomfortable. I'm already starting to come down I think. It's hard to tell.

but yeah otherwise getting tea with my friends was nice. It was kind of magical to do a tea tasting, it's just too bad that- well. Can't drink alcohol. Can't drink coffee. Can't even drink tea either. They need to invent some kind of chocolate milk tasting or something for me personally so I don't feel like a sad wet dog about the situation.

[thebigqueer]

literlaly terirble night last night

[cowboyhorsegirl]

i hate this stupid fucking country so much and our stupid fucking lack of HSR

[aioliii]

this year i will get normal about my shoulders!!!!

[a-very-zilly-gooze]

who up feeling physically ill with how touch starved they are??? i think i might actually die if someone doesn’t hold my hand right now :)))

[mnty-bubblegmyum]

idek why I got mad asf lmao I triggered myswkf

[m0thkiller]

It just hit me that its been a long time since ive self harmed in August. ive cut it close a few times but im getting close to 100 days clean heresoon. thats like, kinda insane to me.

[ef-1]

legs & lessons in perseverance | march '23