#so let's het back to business right?

[dogearedheart]

when you want to share something personal but come to the realization 'nobody cares'

[queenangella]

.

[dancermk]

I’m a little disappointed to see so much discourse, fandom competitiveness, and plain arguing going around at the moment in regards to queer film/TV. People complaining about too much sex, not enough sex, too cheesy, made for the hets, too happy, too sad, too realistic, too unrealistic, and a million other petty issues. I, for one, am a queer person in my 50s and I grew up with practically zero representation! Yes, we want to continue onwards and upwards with quality and varied shows BUT let’s be HAPPY we now have representation! Like, actual shows where the central characters are queer, not just a side character who gets f*cking murdered! There is room for all different types of representation - so enjoy the types you like, and let others enjoy what they like.

And on a side note: progress is progress and film/tv is a business that has to turn a profit! If some queer content is made to appeal to the straight community, and will also act as a means of reducing homophobia and increasing understanding, then that’s a good thing. That means in the future more and more content will include queer stories and representation. If only 10% (ish) of the population is the maximum target audience then shows won’t keep getting made!

There is a huge backlash all over the world right now - a “push back” by conservatives and religious groups that want to wind back the clock, and specifically the last decade of advances.

So stick together queers and LGBTQIA+ allies.

I’m super happy knowing I don’t have to wait years between content anymore. And I’ve loved all different types of shows over the last 5 years, for lots of different reasons!

Interview with the Vampire - is giving me the toxic, passionate gothic love affair I’ve always wanted. And addressing interracial relationships.

Heartstopper - is filling me up with pure joy and hopefulness for the future.

Shameless - gave me Ian and Mickey - unique, anti stereotypical gays with a tragic yet ultimately beautiful love story spanning 11 years

Lone Star 911 - is giving me TK and Carlos whose sexuality barely factors into the storyline! Yay!

Looking - gave me an authentic queer experience and an intoxicating love triangle.

Red, white and Royal Blue - gave me a sweet, cute romcom that allowed reality to be sidelined. Fun escapism!

Young Royals - had me captivated by first love and intense angst.

Fire Island - an underrated romcom that made me laugh so hard I cried.

Sex education - shoved the realities of sex in our faces and provided me with laughter and drama and a range of queer identities.

Gentlemen Jack -gave me historical lesbians with spectacular wit, and feminine power.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg- because there’s SO SO SO many more shows I could mention! Don’t at me because I didn’t mention YOUR favourite. This is my point! There is SO much great content it would take all day for me to include everything. This is just a sample - and that’s f*cking brilliant!!

So maybe we could all start posting/tweeting etc about what WE DO LIKE / LOVE / MAKES US FEEL LOVED AND SEEN and put down the device if we’ve got nothing nice to say.

Sending everyone a love filled week! 💜

[burnednotburied]

Chapter 7: Lost Haven

AO3 Link | Masterlist

Pairing: Abby Anderson x fem!reader

Fic Synopsis: Abby goes looking for Owen and ends up on the wrong end of your knife.

Tags/CWs: angst; slowburn; mutual pining; enemies to friends to lovers; talks of purity culture/ideals and “sin”; internalized homophobia and some comp-het feelings (they’re both so gay but so dumb about it); animosity between WLF and Seraphites; blood/gore; descriptions of being hanged; religious/cult-like ideas; character deaths (canon AND non-canon)

Note: The last chapter was short and (mostly) sweet. This one... not so much.

Enjoy!

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This was your fault.

You knew Lev was upset. You knew Yara was having trouble getting through to him. But instead of talking to him – making sure he understood exactly why none of you could go back to the island, handling the situation that was yours to handle – you’d been too busy worrying about your clothes and almost kissing Wolves.

As you raced after Yara through the dimly lit hallways of the aquarium, you silently berated yourself for getting so distracted. For losing sight of what was important. For failing to predict that Lev would do something reckless if you didn’t keep him in your sight. 

If anything happened to him, you would never forgive yourself. 

A strong gust of wind hit your face as you made it into open air, looking out on the makeshift dock where Owen’s boat floated idly. He was already out there, standing near Mel as the two of them looked out at the open water. 

Ominous dark clouds and another punishing current of air told you a storm was coming.

“Are we sure he’s heading to the island? Maybe he’s just blowing off steam,” Abby offered, attempting a comforting tone.

“No,” Yara said. The three of you joined the two others, and Yara pointed out in the same direction Owen and Mel had been looking. “That’s him. He’s definitely going to the island.”

You could just barely make out a small boat in the distance. 

“Shit,” Abby breathed out.

“What’s he doing?” Mel asked.

“He’s going after her.” Yara’s hand grasped onto the metal fence in front of her desperately.

“After who?”

“His mom,” Abby supplied.

“She’s going to kill him, Prophet! You know that,” Yara turned to you, looking devastated. Your fingers curled into tight fists, nails digging into your palms. It was true. You would have to go after him.

“Woah, wait. What? Prophet?” And then it occurred to you that that was something Owen and Mel were not aware of.

But that didn’t matter right now. 

“Your boat.” You turned to meet Owen’s wide eyes. “Does it work?”

There was a brief moment where he seemed to battle with whether or not to push about the Prophet thing, but he chose to let it go. He shook his head. “Not yet.”

“How much time do you need?” Abby asked.

“Uhhh,” he looked away, thinking. “A few hours. At least.”

“Fuck.” Abby turned to you. You were about to ask if there was somewhere else you could get a boat – and you had begun to wonder if you shouldn’t just run off by yourself and hope you came across one quickly by chance – but Abby was already thinking the same thing, already moving, already prepared to jump back into danger for you and your friends. “We’ll head him off. We’ll grab a boat from the marina–”

“Hey! She just had surgery.” Mel threw an arm out in front of Yara, who had begun to follow you, Abby, and Owen.

“I’m fine,” Yara insisted, pushing past the woman.

You paused, reaching blindly behind you to pull Abby back. 

“No, she’s right,” you said. You needed to stop and think about this before you went forward. There was no good way to go about this, but one option was definitely better than the rest. You found Abby’s eyes and realized that you had somehow gone from pulling her by her wrist to holding her hand.

You didn’t let go.

“I could use your help to find a boat, but then I need to do the rest by myself.”

Abby pulled away in shock, and her and Yara’s responses came immediately and simultaneously.

“Fuck that!”

“What? No! You can’t!”

You nodded, doubling down. This was the right thing to do. You were sure of it. “Going to the island would be deadly for anyone here except me.” Again they both tried to protest as you went on. “I know the island better than almost anyone else. On my own, there’s a good chance I could stay undetected. And even if they were to catch me, it would be fine. They don’t know that I deserted. And even if they suspected as much, I’m confident that I can convince them otherwise. Worst case scenario, they won’t kill me immediately like they would the rest of you.”

“You’re not going by yourself,” Abby said, and it was your turn to protest, but she cut you off. “Yara should stay here, but I’m going with you.”

“I’m coming too,” Owen stated matter-of-factly, just as Yara said, “I am going!”

Mel and Abby both jumped to argue with Owen. You left them to figure that out and pulled your friend to the side to talk privately.

“Yara,” you began, “stay here. Please. Help them get ready to leave for Santa Barabara. I promise I’ll bring Lev back.”

“I just–”

“Lev wouldn’t want you to get hurt. Especially not because of him.” 

Yara’s eyes went back out to the water, as if she could make him come back through sheer force of will. You wished the same. You didn’t want to go back to the island, and you really didn’t want Lev to be in danger. 

“I’ll get him. I won’t let anything happen to him.”

Yara was silent for a moment as the first rolls of thunder rumbled loudly.

“I’ll stay,” she said. “But you have to agree to take Abby with you.”

“You already trust her more than me, don’t you?” Your words took on a lightly teasing tone.

“Of course not.” She gave you a small smile as, you assumed, her eyes found Abby somewhere behind you. “But you need someone to watch your back. Lev wouldn’t want you to get hurt either. And neither do I.” She stepped forward and hugged you. It was a bit awkward on your end – with you having to be careful to avoid her healing wound – but it was the first time anyone had embraced you in years. In fact, you were pretty sure the last time had been when Yara hugged you on the morning of your scarring ceremony. 

You cleared your throat. Even if emotions hadn’t already been running high, you would’ve had to swallow down some tears in that moment.

“Yara?” you said, still holding her.

“Yes?”

“When we get back, I’m really going to need you and Lev to stop calling me Prophet.” 

She let out a little laugh at that as you parted. “Deal.”

When you looked back at the other three, you found them standing in the same place you’d left them, watching you and Yara, apparently having already come to an agreement themselves. By the look on Owen’s face, it hadn’t gone the way he wanted it to.

So it would be just the two of you then.

You looked to Abby.

“Ready?”

----------------------------------------------------------------

The process of getting a boat wasn’t nearly as straightforward as Abby thought it would be. And it had taken a lot longer than she would’ve liked.

At the marina, the two of you were greeted by the sound of gunshots. She asked you to stay there, hidden near the dock, while she grabbed a boat. 

If there were WLF soldiers nearby, being spotted with you would be a problem. Your lack of facial scars meant you weren’t recognizable as a Seraphite at a glance, but you were still a stranger. She didn’t know how to explain you being with her in a way that wouldn’t bring up too many questions. All in all, it would be easier and faster for her to go alone.

You surprisingly didn’t argue with her, willing to hang back for a bit if it meant getting to the island – getting to Lev – quicker.

Abby almost immediately ran into Manny and found that the gunshots were coming from one of the trespassers who’d come out of nowhere and been hitting WLF hard the last few days. 

She didn’t get the chance to ask Manny what he meant by that. 

The trespasser shot him in the head.

But she got close enough to see him. Close enough to fight with him hand-to-hand.

It was Tommy Miller, Joel’s brother – a realization that made her worry about what these trespassers were here for and what they meant to do.

But Abby was great at setting things aside for later for the sake of focusing on one problem at a time.

And right now, she needed to get you and get to Lev. 

By that point, you’d already caught up to her – because of course you hadn’t actually stayed very far behind at all – but you still needed a boat. 

Abby found a small motorboat tied to one of the docks that proved to be in working order. She got it going, sat behind the wheel, and headed out toward the island, quickly reaching the boat’s top speed, trying to make up for lost time.

You had been silent since you got on the boat, looking out at the water. She cleared her throat, speaking loudly over the combined roar of the motor, the wind, and the water. “So how do we get to that village in one piece?”

Your eyes remained focused ahead. “There are blind spots along the coast we can boat into. From there, we’ll follow back roads.”

“They’re safe?”

“It’s the safest option we have.”

You wore the same expression you’d had since you found out Lev had run off, eyebrows drawn together, a storm in your eyes just as strong as the one in the sky. You were worried, but it was more than that. 

Abby had to call your name twice before you turned to her, reluctant to meet her eyes. “This isn’t your fault, you know.”

You shook your head once and looked back out towards the island, pointing as you began to direct her to the best entrypoint.

The island was weirdly exactly what Abby expected, given what she knew about the Seraphites, and yet seeing it with her own eyes was still shocking.  

The Washington Liberation Front used existing buildings from the Old World. SoundView Stadium and the Lakehill Seattle Hospital. Schools and office buildings. They didn’t build so much as clean, repair, and repurpose.

The Seraphites had built a whole new world on the island. Wooden structures, villages, homes, farmlands. 

It was honestly impressive.

As promised, you had been leading the way through the woods, using backroads. You had yet to run into any other people, but Lev and Yara’s village was further inland, and it was only a matter of time before it became unavoidable.

Abby wondered if you were prepared to kill your own people. And if you would hold it against her when she did, to keep you safe and to get to Lev.

You had been quiet for a while, deftly navigating through a thick stretch of forest with her following close behind. If you didn’t want to talk, she wasn’t going to force the issue.

It had begun raining a while ago, although the worst of the storm hadn’t hit yet. The outfit Mel gave you hadn’t included a jacket, and you’d left your cloak behind with the dress.

Would you be offended if she offered you her jacket? Abby wasn’t sure, but you didn’t seem to be bothered by the rain or the cold. 

At a point of higher elevation, you came to a stop, looking out onto a huge settlement in the distance along the western coast.

“Woah. Is that the village?” she asked, using one hand to shield her eyes from the rain to get a better look.

“No,” you said. “That’s Haven, our capital. And that–” You stepped closer to Abby, placing a hand on her shoulder as you shifted your weight to the tips of your toes so your eyelines were level. She leaned into the touch, bringing your faces even closer, cheeks nearly brushing. You pointed to a specific building just north of the large town. It was bigger than the rest and even from that distance, Abby could tell that it was nicer. More carefully and intentionally made and maintained.  “–That is Sanctuary. It was the first Prophet’s home and a sacred place of worship. And it’s where I lived after my scarring ceremony.”

You let several moments pass before your hand fell and you dropped back down to your heels, taking a step to the side.

Sometimes it seemed that you touched her without realizing, without meaning to. And then there’d be a moment when you’d become aware of your actions and pull away. 

She wished you wouldn’t. But now wasn’t the time for that conversation.

“The village is further east.” You turned to go, continuing back into the forest. Abby stood there for a second longer, looking out at the place you’d spent much of your life, being literally worshiped and yet entirely controlled, and she wondered how strange it must feel for you to come back now. 

“Don’t linger,” you said, turning back to find that she hadn’t moved. “They have scouts. They might see you.”

She glanced back one more time before following.

“Are you sure the Wolves are attacking tonight?” you asked, breaking several minutes of silence, both of you having been lost in thought.

She cleared her throat. “Yeah, that’s what my friend told me. They’ll use this storm as a cover for the attack. Unless Isaac changes his mind.”

“Will he change his mind?”

Abby’s gaze was locked onto the ground in front of her. “...I doubt it.”

You stopped abruptly, a gasp leaving your throat. Her eyes shot up, hand flying to her gun at her side.

“Fuck,” she breathed. 

Two WLF soldiers were dead, disemboweled in typical Seraphite fashion, one hanging from an old road sign and the other discarded on the ground like trash. They had clearly been dead for several days, but Abby pulled the gun from the holster on her right thigh anyway. Just in case.

“Did you know them?” you asked, turning to her.

“I’ve seen them around.” Abby brushed it off and kept walking, taking the lead.

“I’m sorry,” you said, running to catch up, voice sincere despite the fact that you hadn’t been the one to do it.

It’s not your fault, she wanted to say.

“It is what it is,” she said instead. And then, because she was curious, “Have you ever–?”

“No,” you said quickly and definitively. “You were supposed to be my first.” Abby felt her cheeks warm. You hadn’t meant it that way at all of course, but that’s where her mind went. She let out a weird, strangled, kind-of-coughing noise that only aided in deepening her blush. 

You went on, unaware, “It was supposed to be a big deal. They were calling it my first kill.” You sounded put off by the whole thing, like very nearly killing Abby had been so beneath you. “That’s why they were letting me off the island for the first time. Things… obviously didn’t go as the Elders planned.”

“Well I feel… weirdly honored,” she said, an attempt at lightening the mood.

“Honored that you were chosen to be my first kill? Or honored that I didn’t actually kill you?” you asked, brows slightly raised but playing along.

“Both I guess.” She shrugged as you sped up a bit so you could walk side-by-side instead of one after the other.

“Yeah well.” You bumped her gently with your shoulder. “I’m glad I didn’t kill you.”

Abby scoffed. “You were never actually going to do it.”

“Yes I was!”

She scoffed again. “Sure. If you say so, princess.”

“I absolutely was going to kill you,” you said, feigning offense. “Abby, if Lev and Yara hadn’t shown up exactly when they did, you would be so dead right now.”

She laughed lightly, shaking her head. To anyone else, this might’ve been a weird thing to joke about, but between the two of you it worked.

“You really don’t think I could’ve done it.” Your eyes were wide in realization, and now you looked like maybe you were truly offended.

“All I’m saying is,” Abby said, smiling to herself, “there seemed to be a whole lot of hesitation on your end of things.”

“Well I’m not saying that I wanted to do it,” you insisted, watching her as you walked. “I’m just saying that I could’ve.”

“Uh huh. Whatever you say.” She knew she was goading you, but it was the first time she’d seen you get anywhere close to a smile since you left the aquarium. 

“Shut up,” you mumbled harshly, whipping your head back around to face forward. 

That made Abby really laugh. She’d never heard you say anything like that before.

You were biting your tongue, trying to suppress a smile of your own.

A loud, low groaning alarm sounded out over the island, and your face instantly fell.

“What is that?”

“It’s our warning signal,” you said, pulling Lev’s bow over your shoulder and grabbing an arrow. “Your people are here. The whole island will be on alert now.”

“God damn it, Isaac,” Abby muttered to herself.

“We’ll cut through the logging camp. This way,” you took a left, leaving the path you’d been on. “We no longer have the luxury of taking the long way to stay hidden. We need to hurry.”

Abby nodded, even though you weren’t looking at her. “How many people live here?”

“Around a thousand.”

“How many soldiers?”

“More than half are trained in combat.”

“What are the other half going to do when my people get here?”

“Some will hide. Most will fight,” you said, leading the way into the nearest village.

It was empty. No one around, ready to attack.

“Where is everyone?”

“The children will have been taken to shelters as soon as the signal went off. Everyone else is probably moving towards the coast to face the Wolves.” 

The second small village you passed through was still being evacuated. As expected, when they caught sight of Abby, they attacked. In the chaos, no one seemed to get a close enough look at you to recognize who you were.

Abby fought. And killed.

You fired more than a few arrows.

And then you moved on to the next village, making a near-straight shot to where you knew Lev would be.

Abby paused just within the treeline.

In the trunk of a tree, someone had painstakingly sculpted a life-sized, hyper-realistic statue of you. Just above your head, the words “May Her light guide us” were carved. 

You stopped next to Abby, regarding the figure in your likeness for a moment.

“‘When you’re lost in the darkness, look for the light,’” she said quietly. 

“What’s that?”

“Just… something my dad used to say.”

You hummed in acknowledgment, glancing down to where the trunk met the earth.

“Those are new,” you said, referring to the mass of flowers that were carefully placed around the tree.

It reminded Abby of the flowers people put near the graves and memorials of their dead loved ones. 

“It’s like they’re mourning you,” she said.

“They think I’m dead?” you asked, knowing she couldn’t have an answer. 

Abby pulled her eyes away from the intricate carving to look at the real, living, breathing version of you beside her. “Where are we going?”

Without looking away from the flowers, you said, “See that tall tower?”

“The Space Needle?”

“The what?”

“The – never mind. Yeah. I see it.”

“Head towards it.”

You knelt down, letting the fingers of your left hand graze over some of the flowers. When they landed on a daisy, you picked it up, stood, and carefully pushed it into your pocket.

She waited patiently before following you onward.

You had to get through a few more villages – and the few Scars who had been left behind to defend them – before you got to the right one.

At least Abby thought it must be the right one. Because you had come to a full stop and were staring at one specific house.

“Is that it?” she asked, putting a hand on your shoulder to bring you back down to earth.

“No,” you whispered absentmindedly. “It’s this one.” You walked towards the house across from the one you’d been staring at, bow drawn, arrow nocked.

Abby moved ahead of you and slid the door open. 

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A lit fire pit in the center of the large, open room illuminated the space in an orange glow. You stepped inside, letting your weapon fall when you saw the lifeless body in front of the fire.

It was Lev and Yara’s mother.

Blood ran from a wound in her skull, pooling on the floor beneath her.

You let out a shaky breath.

And whipped around when you heard your name uttered from an even shakier voice coming from the corner of the room.

“Lev!” He was sitting, knees up, arms wrapped around them, curled in on himself, eyes locked on his mom. “Oh thank god,” you breathed out, rushing over. You were on your knees in front of him before you saw the damage that had been done. Cuts all across his face and arms. Your heart sank even deeper. “Did she do this to you?”

Lev let out a few hiccupping breaths, still staring past you at the body. “I just tried talking to her. I tried to make her understand, but she… she just kept yelling. She started chasing me. I tried to make her stop. I was just pushing her off of me…” His volume grew, voice becoming more desperate as he tried to explain.

“Hey hey hey,” you whispered, trying to soothe, wanting to fix.

“–Then she hit the table,” he sobbed.

“Listen to me.” Your hand was on his elbow, thumb gently circling. “You were defending yourself. You did nothing wrong.” When he finally met your eyes, you wrapped your arms around him and held him as he cried, grasping onto you so tightly it took your breath away. “It’s going to be okay. I promise.”

You stayed there for several minutes, holding him against you, rubbing his back as he kept his face buried where your shoulder met your neck. You held him until his sobbing subsided and his breathing slowed. You remembered how Yara used to hug you when you were kids, never being the first to let go, and you hugged her little brother – your little brother – in just the same way.

You pressed a kiss to the side of his head and squeezed a little tighter.

“I wanna leave,” he said, voice muffled against you.

“Yeah, me too.” When he lifted his head, you stood, offering him a hand up. He took it and kept holding on, even once he was standing too. “Come on,” you said, motioning to the door.

Abby was there – she had been there the whole time – and her eyes looked soft and sad when they met yours.

“Hey, kid,” she said to Lev, offering him one of her handguns. You squeezed his hand one last time before letting it go so he could grab it, glad that Abby had the forethought to make sure he was armed.

He wiped his face with his shirt sleeve before taking the weapon from her. “I’m sorry. I never should’ve–”

“It’s okay,” she said. “I’m just glad we found you. Let’s go.”

He nodded as she turned to push the door back open. The three of you stepped back out into the rain.

“What’s happening? Wolves?” Lev asked.

“Yeah,” you said, taking the lead. “All over the island.” Your eyes caught again on the house across the way, making you pause. 

Lev stopped next to you, immediately understanding. “She’s not there.”

“I figured.”

“Do you want to go in?” he asked.

“We don’t have time,” you said, but you couldn’t turn away.

“We’re never coming back here, right?”

“God, I hope not.”

“Then let’s make time,” he said, making the decision for you as he walked over and opened the door. You followed behind him, and Abby followed behind you, not asking any questions.

The inside of your mother’s house was much the same as Lev’s and Yara’s. One large, open room on the first floor. Fire pit in the center. A ladder leading up to a loft.

It looked nearly the same as you remembered it, though you hadn’t stepped foot in there in eight years. There was the stool in front of the mirror where you’d tried not to cry while your mom fixed your hair over and over again until she deemed it ‘as close to perfect as imperfect people can be’ on your last morning here. There was the table where you did your lessons and learned to read the scripture, and where you’d sit and have meals as a family, back before your dad died. The little wooden animals your dad used to carve in his rare, precious spare time. The bed where your mother slept.

Everything was the same. Except for the far wall. 

Where there was once a painting of the first Prophet, your own face now stared back at you. And next to the painting, in neat lettering:

“The world is not in balance,

But I have done my part to right it.

You have led me through the storm.

May the current be calm.

May you guide me home.”

“What’s that?” Abby asked, speaking for the first time since you entered the house.

“The Prophet’s prayer,” you said quietly, turning away from the wall entirely. 

“She prays to it,” Lev said matter-of-factly. “The painting,” he clarified. 

“I could’ve gone without knowing that, Lev,” you said, sounding cross despite your efforts not to.

“Your mom?” Abby asked. “This is her house, right?”

“Yep,” Lev answered for you.

You felt sick to your stomach.

“It’s like the Elders decided you were the new Prophet and then everyone lost their minds,” he went on as you made your way over to the ladder and climbed up to the loft. “Your mom stopped calling you her daughter. Suddenly your face was everywhere, but we weren’t allowed to go see you or talk to you. We weren’t even supposed to talk about you, you know, before. Someone overheard Yara using your real name, and they… The punishment was severe.”

You listened as you stood alone in the loft, looking around at what used to be your bedroom. This, your mother had left completely untouched. It seemed like no one had even been up here in the eight years you’d been gone. “I’m listening,” you reassured Lev as you began searching for something. The one thing you wanted to take with you before you left forever. 

“After that, it was hard to even think of you as the same person we knew. The girl who used to braid little flowers into crowns for us. Who came up with the best games and told the wildest stories and broke the rules but only in ways that didn’t really matter and only when you knew you wouldn’t get caught… The girl who carried me back home, all the way across the island, when I fell and broke my foot, singing the whole way because you knew it would make me feel better.” He paused for a second before continuing, “You were the first person who I told I didn’t like my name – I didn’t like the way it made me feel – so, without asking me a single question, without asking me to explain myself or justify anything, you just… never called me that name again.” Lev’s voice broke just a little, and you wiped away a few of your own tears as you continued looking. You knew this was everything he’d needed to get off his chest, probably since long before you were reunited a few days ago, and you didn’t want to interrupt. “You were our sister and then one day they took you away from us. And no one but me and Yara seemed upset about it. Our mom was weird. Your mom was even weirder. Everyone acted like you were a god. The God. Not even a person. And like everything else, everything before, didn’t matter. Like it wasn’t real. They made us believe it.”

You finally found what you’d been looking for, and you could sense that Lev had run out of things to say, at least for the time being, so you shoved it in your pocket with the daisy, climbed back down the ladder, walked over to him, and hugged him tightly again.

“They’re good at that,” you said quietly. “At making us forget… But it’s okay. We’re together now. Let’s get out of here.” He sniffled and nodded as you pulled away. “I’m surprised you remember all of that. You were so young.”

He said your name, eyebrows drawing together like he shouldn’t have to say this, “You were my favorite person. Of course I remember.”

“Really?” you asked, smiling. “Not Yara?”

“Don’t feel bad for her,” he said, heading to the door. “You were her favorite too.”

Abby brushed past you as she followed Lev out, letting her hand brush against yours as she went. You met her eyes and smiled apologetically, grateful to her for being here. For helping with this.

You took up the back of the line, taking one final look around before shutting that door behind you forever. 

Outside, the rain had picked up and daylight was slipping away. By the sounds of it, the fighting had grown closer on all sides, although it hadn’t yet reached the village you were in.

“This way,” you said, taking the lead again.

“Shouldn’t we head back for our boat?” Abby asked when you didn’t start going back the way you’d come.

“No, I hear fighting back there.” 

“I hear fighting everywhere,” Abby argued.

Lev stopped next to you. “There are lots of boats in Haven.”

“That’s what I was thinking,” you said. “We’re closer to Haven now than to where we came from anyway. We can cut through Old Town. Avoid the main roads.”

Abby looked unsure, but relented to the two who knew the island. “Alright, princess. Lead the way.”

Your group managed to avoid conflict for a while, from both the Wolves and the Seraphites, staying hidden in the trees and avoiding areas where the fighting was the loudest.

You moved in near silence, keeping the talking to a minimum.

Old Town referred to an area of old buildings, left completely unused by the anti-Old World Seraphites. The thing that had surprised you the most about the mainland was that it looked like Old Town, only much much bigger. The Wolves hadn’t carved out their own place in the world in the same way the Seraphites did. 

You wondered if the rest of the world was like that. Just people making the best of what already was instead of building something new.

The three of you moved carefully and quickly through the streets of Old Town, cutting through alleyways and relying mostly on side streets. 

“We’re leaving so many people behind,” Lev said as you passed by a few dead Seraphites on the road.

“We can’t help them,” you said. That’s what you had to tell yourself.

“I know.”

“Stay close to me,” you whispered.

“Okay.”

“We need to get off the street,” Abby said, leading you into one of the nearby buildings as the sound of gunshots grew closer.

You lost count of how many buildings you passed through, each of them equally derelict and damp. It took longer, traveling that way, but it meant you were much less likely to be seen.

“This way,” Lev said, pulling himself up and out of a large window that appeared to lead out to a side road. His feet hit the street before either you or Abby had even made it to the window. She was the first to follow after him. 

From inside, you couldn’t see what was happening, but you heard a struggle. Someone yelled, “I got one!” And then there was a gunshot.

Your heart lurched.

Abby yelled – no, screamed – Lev’s name.

You pulled yourself up as fast as you could.

But you were too late.

Lev was already on the ground.

He was already gone.

----------------------------------------------------------------

“Abby?” The WLF soldier gasped as she knocked him out with his own gun.

The one he’d used to kill Lev.

By the time she had taken the man out, you were out the window and on your knees next to Lev. Silent. Staring. Your hands frozen, shaking, hovering just above his body like you wanted to touch him but didn’t know if you should.

Your whole body shook with a sob.

“Gunshots! Over here!” More Wolves were just down the street. You were seconds away from being within their sights.

Abby rushed to you, grabbing your arm. “Hey, we need to move.” She wished more than anything that this wasn’t happening right now. She wanted to give you time, wanted to sit beside you and cry too, but that wasn’t an option right now.

“No!” You pushed her away. Abby didn’t have a choice. If you didn’t move now, you’d be dead too. She hooked her arms under yours and lifted you, trying to carry you away. “No!” you cried out, grabbing for Lev, fighting against her. “I can’t leave him here!”

“We have to!” she insisted, not letting you go.

The Wolves were closing in. “I see someone!”

There was no point. You wouldn’t be able to get away in time. Abby put you down and pushed you behind her, raising her gun. “Stay back!” she shouted as the soldiers came into view.

“Drop it! Now!” one of them demanded while two others said, “Holy shit!” and “It’s Abby!”

“I said stay back!” She held firm, ready to fire at any one of them at a moment's notice.

“Stand down,” came another voice. One Abby recognized.

The man stepped out of the treeline and into view. 

“Isaac,” she said.

When he came upon Lev’s body on the ground, he regarded it for a moment before shaking his head and slowly stepping over it.

Abby held her gun to the side, not putting it away but showing that she wasn’t aiming at him. She was, like he’d instructed, standing down.

“What the hell are you doing?” he asked.

She slowly bent down, fingers raised away from the trigger, as she dropped her gun on the ground a few feet in front of her. “I need you to hear me out.”

Isaac took a beat before he responded. “What’s that behind you?”

Abby held a hand up and kept her voice calm, like she was trying to reason with a wild animal instead of a man and a handful of his soldiers. She took a couple steps back, bumping into you, making sure you were close without ever looking away from him. “She saved my life, Isaac.”

“Move out of the way. We’ll deal with you back home.”

He wasn’t listening.

“She’s not one of them. Please,” Abby said, desperation in her voice. 

“Abby, move.” He was firm and expected to be obeyed, just as he always did.

But she couldn’t obey this time. She knew what would happen to you if she did. “No. She’s–”

“–The Prophet,” he finished. And then his gaze slid from hers to yours. “Yeah. I recognize you. They’ve got your face plastered all over this island.”

You said nothing, and Abby wanted his attention back on her, away from you. She tried again. “Isaac–”

He cut her off again, this time with a sudden laugh. “I tried to warn you, Abby. Didn’t I?” And then he turned dramatically, to the surrounding Wolves, gesticulating theatrically in her direction. “BEHOLD the power of the Great Scar Prophet!” His eyes landed back on her. “Able to pull my best soldier right out from under me. Make her turn her back on everything she believes in. And everyone she cares about.”

“That’s not– She’s not–” Abby didn’t know how to make him understand. “She’s not part of this.”

“That is correct. She’s not a part of this,” Isaac seethed. “She. Is. This.”

“What–”

“Every time they attack us – every time they slaughter one of our people – it is done in her name. Every new martyr of theirs dies with her face at the forefront of their mind. Every life lost here today is because of her, along with every life that has been lost in the last decade of this war. All of this death and destruction – all of the blood — is on her hands.”

“Isaac, you can’t seriously think–”

And then, for the first time, Isaac pointed his gun directly at Abby, leveling it at her face. “You have three seconds to get away from that Scar,” he said. “One.”

“You’re really gonna shoot me?” Abby reached a hand out behind her, finding you, making sure you were still behind her, still shielded.

“Two.”

“I’m not fucking moving.”

Isaac paused. And Abby thought, for just a second, that he might’ve changed his mind. That he might back down.

And then there was a gunshot. 

She flinched, but it wasn’t her who had been shot.

It was Isaac. Shot by–

“Lev!” you shouted, surging forward.

“No!” “What the fuck?” “Shoot him!” The soldiers all turned their guns on Lev and fired.

You screamed.

Abby grabbed your hand and booked it to the nearest building, taking advantage of the chaos. You were too shocked to fight her this time, so you allowed yourself to be pulled away.

“Shit!” “Stop them!” “Don’t let them get away!”

Abby slammed the door closed behind you and pushed a filing cabinet in front of it, grabbing your hand and dragging you further into the building, through another door. Once that one was secure, she reached for you again. If she had to drag you all the way back to the aquarium, she would.

But this time, you ripped your hand away. That’s when you seemed to notice the blood on your hands. 

Lev’s blood.

“We need to move.” She wanted you to have time, for you to be able to fully react and process this, but it needed to be later. When you were safe.

You didn’t hear her. Or didn’t care. “He’s gone. Oh my god. He’s gone.”

She said your name, forcefully, trying to draw your eyes to her. “Come on.” She reached for you again, but you yanked your whole body in the opposite direction.

“Those were your fucking people!” you lashed out, much angrier than she’d ever seen you, and for good reason.

“Hey! You’re my people!” she said, matching your volume and intensity. Abby didn’t know where that came from, but she knew that it was true. She took a breath, stepped closer, and tried to touch you again, this time putting her hands on your shoulders. You let her, looking up at her with wide eyes. “Listen to me. We’re gonna have to fight to get out of this, okay? And then I need you to show us to those boats.” You nodded, and she moved her hands from your shoulders to either side of your face, holding your gaze. “We won’t let anybody stop us, yeah?”

“Okay,” you said, barely a whisper.

“Okay.” She stepped back, letting her hands fall to her sides. “Follow me.”

----------------------------------------------------------------

Haven was burning.

You were on a boat, floating off to safety, while your whole island went up in flames.

Lev was there. Your mother was there. Everything and everyone you knew was there.

But you were here.

In a rowboat.

And you weren’t even helping to row it.

You hadn’t even thought to offer. 

The phantom heat of the now distant fires that consumed Haven seemed to lick at the back of your skull as you finally pulled your eyes away, turning to face Abby.

She was rowing slowly, now that you weren’t in imminent danger, her strong arms engaged, face focused. She had to be tired. She’d done so much.

You were only alive because of her.

“I can row,” you said, voice weaker than you meant for it to be. 

Abby slowed a bit more, looking you over. “You’re shaking.”

You hadn’t noticed. You clenched your fists tightly, trying to stop the tremors. But it wasn’t just your hands that were shaking. It was your whole body. 

Were you cold? 

For how long?

You steeled yourself. “I can help.” 

She stopped rowing entirely and started to shift. You prepared yourself to switch seats with her, but she wasn’t actually moving. She was only taking off her jacket.

You felt like you should protest, that you should insist you were fine and that she should keep her jacket, but you didn’t have it in you. 

When she went to drape it over your shoulders, you let her. 

The jacket was soaked, just like everything else in Seattle, but it helped.

You put your arms in the sleeves properly and pulled it tighter around yourself, staring at the floor of the boat. 

What you wanted was for your mind to go blank. Thinking about anything was dangerous. You didn’t want to spiral, not right now. You couldn’t create more problems for Abby to deal with. You needed to just get back to the aquarium, get dry, and then–

Yara.

You had to tell Yara what happened. 

How could you tell Yara about this? You promised her you’d bring Lev back safe.

Lev.

Images came rushing back to you. You tried to blink them away, but they were stubborn. They lingered.

You swallowed back tears and let your head fall into your hands, trying desperately to focus on your breathing and nothing else. Nothing else. Nothing. Else.

Abby brought the boat right up to a small dock right next to the aquarium. She got out first and tied it off with deft fingers. Then she offered you a hand and pulled you out, stabilizing you as you found balance on embarrassingly shaky legs.

“Got it?” she asked, a hand pressed to your mid-back.

“Yeah.”

She stepped away. “Let’s get out of the rain.”

Someone had barricaded the aquarium door from the inside.

That was the first indication that something was wrong.

The second came soon after, when you found the dog – Alice – dead. 

You and Abby were both on high alert, moving through the dark hallways with your weapons drawn.

Then there was the blood. So much of it that there was a pool of it gathering on the other side of the door. Whatever happened – whatever went so terribly wrong here in the time that you were gone today – was through that doorway.

You forgot to breathe.

Abby pressed on. 

You really didn’t want to, but you followed.

Into the room with whales on the ceiling and Mel, Owen, and Yara lifeless and bleeding on the floor.

You went numb in a way that had nothing at all to do with the cold. You felt the switch flipping inside of you, the failsafe going into effect. You detached. Walls went up in your mind. 

This was good. It meant that maybe, just maybe, you’d make it through this day. 

You were somewhat aware of Abby, to your left, as she let out a terrible sound. You thought she was saying “oh,” but no. That didn’t make sense. She was saying “no.” Over and over again as she crumpled to her knees near Owen.

Your eyes locked onto something on the floor by your feet. To get it, you had to step through a pool of blood that had certainly come from one of the three bodies.

But it was just blood, you told yourself. And these were just bodies. Nothing to be done. Nothing to worry about.

Numbly, you bent to pick up what you now realized was a map of Seattle. Someone had written on it, covering it in notes and shapes and names.

After studying it for a minute, your eyes went to Abby. She was on her hands and knees, heaving after having been sick.

You’d give her a moment more if you thought it would help, but you knew it wouldn’t.

This. This map. That would help.

“Abby…” You approached her slowly, letting her make an attempt at pulling herself together. When you were close enough, you held out the map.

She took it, and then she stood slowly, examining it.

When she turned to you, you could tell. She knew the same thing you did.

Someone had been tracking Abby – hunting her – for a while.

----------------------------------------------------------------

“The trespassers,” she said.

They killed Manny. 

They killed Owen and Mel.

And, according to the map, they’d gotten to Nora, Jordan, Leah, and Nick too.

All in pursuit of Abby. 

Because of something she had done.

But they fucked up.

They left the map.

And now she knew exactly where to find them.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Note: As always, thank you for reading! I'm not the best at responding to comments, but I want you to know that I love and cherish them more than words can say! So if you're leaving them, thank you <3

I'm really excited about the turn the story takes in the next chapter, and I think it'll be really enjoyable to read for anyone who's rooting for Abby and the Prophet! (which is, I assume, everyone who reads this fic lol)

Taglist: @4-atsu @h0meb0dyi @lmaoo-spiderman @quinnsadilla @rew1nds @sapphicontherun @stickynachomaker

[sydsaint]

My fav cocky fashion disaster <3

Summary: The reader pays for her family to take a vacation in Australia while she's there for Elimination Chamber. While enjoying her off time, the reader runs into Grayson who she's got a huge thing for.

"Dude, this is so cool." Your brother admires the hotel with awe. "What is this like a 5 star hotel?" He turns to you.

"Four star." You correct him with a grin. "I'd have gotten the five for everyone, but it was all booked up. So sorry your highness." You tease him.

Your brother rolls his eyes and follows you inside to get checked in. He takes his time checking out everything he passes all the way up to the check-in desk. "So are any of the people you work with staying here too?" He asks you curiously.

"Most of us are staying at the one across the way." You nod behind you back outside. "But a few of them could be here. We all travel differently. Why? You looking to get some pictures with all the girls I work with?" You tease him again.

"Whatever." Your brother groans.

You get checked in and head up to the room. Your parents took an earlier flight so they're already checked in and out and about.

"Alright, here is your room key." You hand your brother the key to his room. "Mom and Dad are right through that door." You point to the door off to the side of the room. "But you've got your own bed and bathroom in here. TV is hooked up with Australian Cable if you're interested in that." You explain. "But I assume you'll be spending most of your time down at the beach trolling for girls, right?"

"Damn right." Your brother laughs. "Come on! Let's het unpacked and head down!" He insists.

You laugh and watch your brother eagerly start unpacking to find his swim trunks and other beachwear. You're already wearing a Bikini under your short and shirt so you're all good for the beach. While you wait you send a quick text to your parents and let them know you and your bro are headed down to the beach for the afternoon.

Once your brother is ready you both head down to the beach. You run into Dakota and Bayley on the way and greet them.

"Dakota! Bayley! What's up ladies?" You walk over to the pair.

"YN! Hey!" Dakota runs over to you excitedly. "I was wondering where you were. Who's this?" She notices your brother staring at her in awe as she hugs you.

You laugh and knock your brother in the shoulder to break him out of his trance. "This is my little brother, B/N." You introduce them. "B/N, I'm sure you recognize Dakota and Bayley."

"Y-yeah." B/N nods sheepishly.

You laugh and turn back to Bayley while your brother attempts to talk with Dakota. "Sorry I'm late to the party, Bayley. I flew my parents and brother out for a vacation this week so I was busy with all that." You explain.

"Really? That was super cool of you, YN." Bayley replies. "And hey no worries, we've got plenty of time before Elimination Chamber on Saturday right?" She assures you. "Me and Dakota are headed up to grab lunch, but we'll see you tomorrow morning for that meet and greet." She adds.

You nod and turn back to your brother to collect him before he embarrasses himself in front of Dakota. "Alright, come on. Let's get down to the beach." You put a hand on his shoulder to guide him away from Dakota. "We'll catch you guys later." You wave goodbye to your friends.

"Yeah, catch you later, YN." Dakota nods as you walk off. "Oh! YN, heads up! Your favorite fashion disaster is down there right now!" She calls after you with a laugh.

You freeze for a second at Dakota's shout before continuing forward toward the beach. "Fashion disaster?" B/N replies. "Who's that?" He asks you.

"No one important." You reply.

You get down to the beach and find a nice spot to set down your stuff and soak up some sun. Your brother sets his stuff down and heads for the water to test it out while you remain on the beach. The area is choc-full of tourists from the surrounding hotels in the area. You spot a few co-workers amongst the crowd. But no one you want to talk to seems to be around.

Then you spot him. Your favorite fashion disaster, as Dakota likes to call him. Grayson Waller. You're surprised to see Waller down here at this tourist spot. You figures that he'd be down at some unknown local spot by now soaking up the sun with Austin and some hottie beach babes. But there he is, leaned up against the beach bar with a drink in his hand and another god-awful shirt covering his shoulders.

You glance toward the beach and spot your brother now mingling with a girl around his age by the water. 'He'll be fine for a few minutes.' You tell yourself as you rise to your feet and head over to the bar. You walk over to the bar nonchalantly and beckon the bartender over while trying your best to ignore Grayson and Austin both peering at you over the rims of their sunglasses.

"YN? That you?" Grayson speaks up first and you turn toward him casually.

"Hmm? Oh, hey Grayson, I didn't notice you." You lie with a sweet smile. "Hey, Austin." You nod to him as well.

Butterflies dance in your stomach as Grayson's eyes rake over your body. You normally Wrestle in paints and a crop top similar to Bayley's so this is the first time he's seeing you show so much skin.

"Damn, YN." Grayson chuckles. "You are wearing that thing like you're doing it a favor." He continues to eye you up like he's in a trance.

"This old thing?" You giggle. "Thanks. I love the shirt by the way." You compliment the zany patterned button-up he's wearing full-open.

Grayson nods and gestures to the bar. "What are you drinking?" He asks you.

"Something light, please." You turn toward the bartender for a second.

"Something light huh?" Grayson replies. "Now what's the fun in that, YN?" He teases you.

You giggle as you're handed a fruity-looking drink. "It's like 2pm." You remind him.

"And?" Grayson replies. "We're on vacation, doll. You should learn to have some more fun." He insists.

You roll your eyes playfully and stir your drink with the umbrella sitting in it. "You know I was surprised to see you down here, Grayson. I figured that you'd of whisked Austin down to some local beach for drinks and beach bimbos." You joke.

"Ah, once you've seen one beach here you've seen them all." Grayson shrugs. "Plus by the looks of you, all the hot beach babes are hanging out here." He adds with a grin.

'This could not be going any better.' You think to yourself. 'I am so finally scoring with him tonight.'

"YN! There you are!" The moment is ruined when your brother comes running up to you at full speed.

Grayson and Austin both look at the young kid, no older than 18 standing at your side now. "This your boyfriend, YN? I had no idea you liked them so young." Grayson teases you.

"Ha! No." You laugh. "This is my brother, B/N." You explain. "I actually flew my whole family out for the week for a little vacation time."

"Oh, nice." Austin comments.

Grayson nods in agreement and your brother tugs on your arm. "Right, just give a minute guys." You reluctantly dismiss yourself from Waller and Theory. "What do you want?" You confront your brother once you're away from the bar.

"Mom has been trying to call you." B/N explains and hands you your phone that you left with your stuff. "Hey, is that fashion disaster guy Dakota was talking about earlier?" He nods back over to the bar. "Grayson Waller right?"

"Yes, it is." You grit your teeth and check your phone. You read through your moms texts and glance back at Grayson and Austin now chatting. "Mom wants you back up at the hotel room." You inform your brother. "So get moving."

Your brother scoffs and shakes his head. "She said she wanted to see you too." He protests. "So lets go."

"B/N." You stare down at your brother. "I'm busy right now."

"Doing what?" B/N teases you. "Trying to flirt with ugly shirt guy? Shouldn't you be going for his friend? That guy is way more ripped." He points to the bar.

You huff out a breath and set a hand on your brothers shoulder. "Do you see that fine Australian man over there, B/N?" You ask him. "Because I sure as hell do. And I've been chasing him around for almost a year now." You explain. "So I swear on my life. The only way I am leaving this beach with anyone besides Grayson Waller is if someone is dying, B/N. Are we clear?"

"Yeah, okay." Your brother stifles a laugh. "I'll be sure to let mom know you're down at the beach trying to get laid rather than spend time with her." He snorts.

"You tell her whatever you want, little brother." You snark back at him. "I'll be having too much fun to care."

B/N scrunches his nose in disgust and walks off. You watch him collect his stuff from your spot before heading back up to the hotel. Once he's out of sight you turn and walk back over to the bar where Grayson and Austin are still hanging out.

"Right, sorry about that." You laugh and lean back on the bar. "Where were we?" You ask Waller.

"Pretty sure Grayson was undressing you with his eyes." Austin snarks with a laugh.

Grayson shoots Austin a look but you just laugh. "Just his eyes? What a shame." You grin and pick your drink back up from the bar.

"Oh?" Grayson replies. "Would you rather I be undressing you with me hands?" He asks you.

"Hands, teeth, whatever works for you, Waller." You wink at him.

Austin and Grayson share a look. You watch them whisper to one another with a cheeky grin. Once they're done whispering Grayson turns back to you.

"Austin's got some work stuff to do for the rest of the afternoon." Grayson informs you. "Why don't we take this up to my hotel room?" He asks you with a suggestive smile.

"Just the afternoon?" You continue to tease Waller with a raised brow.

Austin laughs and shakes his head. "She's going to eat you alive bro." He jokes with Waller.

"And I am perfectly okay with that." Grayson replies and grabs your arm.

"Bye, Austin. Catch you later." You laugh as Waller drags you off and wave to Theory.

[possessionisamyth]

In addition to that bingo card here are

Things I would like to see in more Chreon smut and Chreon fic in general:

-Chris bottoms! Let him bottom! Please unlearn that the bigger, darker, "meaner" character is the top and the smaller, thinner, "softer" character is the bottom. It's not just fujoshi tropes. That's literally how so many people write het ships that many of you all claim to hate, and this occurs even moreso when race comes into play.

-They're both emotionally constipated right after a job. Don't let Chris be the one that gives in and is emotionally understanding and gentle with Leon. Let them both be rough around the edges and struggling to meet in the middle, but let them BOTH put in those baby steps of effort. No more Chris handles Leon like a little soft baby boy as if Chris isn't just as brutalized on the clock.

-Leon reaches out to Chris first. For people who've actually gone through Revelations 1, RE5, and Death Island especially, you will notice that Chris doesn't try to talk unless he needs to. Other than that, he will let the other person talk and talk and just listen. Chris is a listener, and he will not defend himself. He'll defend what he's fighting for, but never himself. That screams low self-esteem as the war against BOWs get worse and worse. Leon handles this with jokes but Chris meets it with quiet and that's such an interesting character trait I wish more people would explore.

-They're both wary about saying "I love you" too soon. It doesn't need to be friends with benefits or a situationship for them to have this concern. Who knows when either of them will be coming back from a mission alive no less unscathed. Let them avoid it for as long as possible and let their actions speak louder.

-Let Leon say "I love you" first. In addition to the last point, let it be Leon showing that vulnerability first and foremost. It can be an accident where he's absolutely mortified or even during an intense moment where Chris is being especially difficult and withdrawn. No need to list all the traits or reasons why Chris is worthy of Leon's love, but let Chris really sit there with it and battle about whether or not he deserves something like that at all. Their lives are so dangerous, and he's lost so many people. Could he handle losing Leon after a confession like that?

-Leon's place is extremely bereft of personal touches. It looks more like a hotel than a place someone lives. Instead of what people assume every person with an alcohol addiction lives like, let Leon's place show he's really fallen into believing the government uses him as a weapon and nothing more. If there are any personal items, it's limited to a small, hidden place only he can access. The first time Chris comes over he deems it impressive. Leon's living like in one of those magazines, but the more he visits and the less changes he sees, the more concerned he becomes about Leon's state of mind.

-Drunk Chris comes onto sober Leon. I've only seen this a handful of times, but more of this role reversal would be so nice.

-Sexy roleplay that isn't the same BDSM dirty talk I keep seeing over and over again. Put Leon in a halloween sexy nurse costume. Put Chris in those pin up calendar firefighter costumes. Put Leon in a chip n' dales fit. Put Chris in a maid outfit. Like, establish roles they have to play instead of the Chris Dom Top and Leon subby femboy bottom I keep seeing everyone copy off from each other.

Hope this inspires people. I'm too busy writing a rarepair.

[lovesickgolbach]

Words I Didn't Say 2 || LN4

Description: It may very well never be the same, but at least it will all be alright.

Pairings: Lando Norris x Reader

Warnings: Yelling, fighting, swearing, mentions of abuse.

Part 1

It had been a mere 3 hours since you read that letter, that stupid fucking letter. All you wanted to do was scream or hit something. Your heart was hurting, but the anger in your chest was burning, fully overshadowing that feeling. A soft knock on your door caught your attention and in walked the last person you wanted to see.

"Ga weg, nu!" Get out, right now you spoke to Max, calmly, suppressing your anger.

"Ik wil mijn excuses aanbie-"I want to apologize ab- you cut him off buy shaking your head and raising your hand to his face. "Ik wil het niet horen. Ga. Weg." I don't need to hear it. Get. Out. the anger building more and more in your body, your limbs going numb from how hard you were trying to suppress it.

Yes, Max and your father was known for their aggressive nature, but so were you, you were just able to control it better. So fights in the Verstappen household were always full blown and sometimes violent. (But not from you and Max, you always just yelled at one another)

"I'm not leaving Y/n! We gaan dit godverdomme eerst uitpraten!!" We're fucking talking this out first!! Max half-yelled. "And I don't want to talk to you Max!!! Please just leave me alone! I'm upset! I'm hurt! Je maakt het alleen maar erger! Je had geen reden om net tegen me te schreeuwen!!" All you're doing is making it worse! You had no reason to yell at me like you did earlier!! the tears were fully streaming down your face, silently but there were many of them. They weren't sad tears, they were tears of frustration, of hurt.

Max looked at you and sighed. "What was the letter about?"

"None of your business" you spoke wiping your cheeks and placing the letter back into the envelope carefully.

"Did you lie about Lando?" Max broke the silence, looking at you with a cold expression. Your heart sank hearing his words. "W-what?" you turned around to look hat him, sort of understanding but not fully knowing what he meant by his words.

"Did you lie about what Lando came to do here? You let him in and blamed it on Penelope!" he accused. You were speechless. "Oh, dus je ontkent het niet? Dus het is de waarheid?!" Oh so you aren't denying it? So its the truth?! he kept accusing you, his voice getting louder and louder.

You stood frozen, unsure of what to say. Your eyes blurred with tears again, he kept yelling accusations your way but they all blended into one, your mind was foggy, his voice was muffled and you were overwhelmed and confused.

"ANSWER ME Y/N!!!" Max finally yelled, at full force. He raised his hands in frustration which made you flinch, letting out a small surprised squeak at his sudden outburst. Your ears were ringing, instantly feeling sick to your stomach at his tone of voice and the motion his hands made.

Run. Leave. Get out, get out, get out.

Your Fight or flight response chose flight. You grabbed the letter and the nearest piece of clothing, running out of the door as quickly as your legs could carry you. You ran. That's all you could do, was run.

Before you knew it, you were violently banging on an all too familiar door.

Lando had opened it quickly, his eyes nearly falling out of his head at the sight of you. You threw yourself into his arms, sobbing and shaking violently.

He was confused and concerned, but he wrapped his arms around you anyway. He never said anything, unsure of what to say. All you could do was cry, you gripped onto the material of his shirt, seeking protection. Instantly, Lando knew what was going on, as soon as you grabbed his shirt in that way.

It wasn't a secret that Jos, your father was the "tough love" kind of man. He would put Max through hours of grueling work on the go kart track, in the middle of freezing cold winters. All you could ever do was watch, he never let you near Max, especially if he was on track, but this particular day, your father had seemingly woken up on the wrong side of the bed, so he had taken out his frustrations out on little Max, you and him had only been about 6 or 7 at the time.

It had snowed the previous night, so it was cold and the track was slippery. Max had gotten a few laps in and eventually Jos had let him go warm up his hands in the van, after copious amounts of begging. Max had come in and sat down, you immediately took his hands into yours and pulled them closer to your chest, as you had always done for him. He snuggled into your side. "It's so cold out there.. daddy is in a really bad mood today.." he closed his eyes, yawning.

"I'll ask him if we can go home then, I don't want you to be cold" you said, looking at your brother who's cheeks were red from the cold. He nodded. "I'll wait here then" he had said as you were leaving.

"Papa?" you had looked up at him. "What Y/n!?" he growled, looking down at you with angry eyes.

"I want to go home..." you looked down, sadness laced in your voice. You weren't expecting him to sound so harsh.

"Fucking stupid little girl!!! I didn't even want you here in the first place! You're a distraction to your brother!!! You can't be making this about yourself!! Get back in the fucking van!!!" your father had been growling at you. You were scared, but he was in fact your father so you never thought he would get violent, especially as an innocent 6 year old.

"B-but papa-" you had croaked out, but you were cut off from a stinging sensation on your face. Your own father had slapped you, a little innocent girl, hard. That's all you remember from that day. But it will forever haunt you.

Lando walked you inside slowly. He guided you to the couch and held you close, whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

You had eventually calmed down, still shaking and you had those 'post-sob' hiccups, but you were definitely way calmer than what you were when you first turned up. Lando tucked your hair behind your ear softly. "What triggered the attack, Y/n?" his voice was calm, almost a whisper.

"Muh-Max.." you had managed to say. The attack may have been over but you were still petrified. Max looked a lot like your father in that moment. His red face, the way the color of his eyes changed, the way his voice became a growl when he was angry.

You shuddered remembering what Max had looked like. "Shh I've got you" Lando cooed, he had learned how to help you with these attacks over the course of your relationship. It was something he had perfected, was being able to calm you down.

You sighed. "I-I'm sorry, Lando.. I-I didn't know where else to go a-and I-"

"It's fine Y/n, I'm glad you came here. I know you're safe" he smiled sweetly.

And for the first time in a long time, things had felt normal again. Like they were meant to be this way. You knew your relationship with Lando would probably never be the same considering what had happened betwen you two, but that doesn't mean you can't continue as friends.

You were safe with him.

He was your home, your real home.

a/n: there you go ya filthy animals, as promised, part 2 with a (kinda) happy ending :)

edit: it's literally 7 months after i wrote part 1, this has been in my drafts since like november 💀 sorry about that

Part 3

[bengiyo]

She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat 2 Eps 1-4 Stray Thoughts

The lesbian sister to WDYEY is back and I am so ready to see these two get deeper into their romance. They had barely started when we left.

Episode 1

THEM. I missed Yuki and Kasuga as much as I missed Shiro and Kenji.

Love that both WDYEY and SLTCSLTE are struggling with inflation.

God this rice bowl looks great.

Ladies, I know food is pricey lately but you cannot sacrifice these meals together. This is an important aspect of your relationship. Can we just discuss modifying the menu??

I love the work bestie. She cuts through the noise and calls it what it is. Nomoto is lonely because she stopped hanging out with the person she's falling for.

Kasuga is definitely not moving out. You see that TV and chair? She's settled. I love her because she does everything real big.

Yes! Have a mochi party! You both like hanging out together!

I was into the mochi pizza concept until they added corn. No thanks

Smash cutting into Nomoto fighting off the itis is exactly what I hoped for in the mochi party.

They're both so tentative with each other, but at least the fondness is obvious.

Episode 2

Wow they captured all of lesbian film discourse in one tweet. The only part they missed was a comment about it being a period piece.

Of course she's gonna watch this film from her kitchen table with a tablet. I get it but you have a friend with an enormous TV.

Baby's first gay film. It'll do that to you. I'm fairly certain my first film was Get Real (1998). I'm not sure what my first lesbian one was. It's either Chasing Amy (1997), But I'm a Cheerleader (1999) or Pariah (2011).

Oh good. Nomoto and Sayama were both offered positions. I was worried they'd be outted against each other.

We have a young woman who just moved in who has a bunch of quality ingredients and no idea what to do with them..she looks a bit disheveled and tired. She is in the lesbian food drama. Oh yeah. It's all coming together.

This was really excellent. The imagery of all this raw potential in the new tenant via her ingredients she doesn't know how to use, with Kasuga's ability to move them around, and Nomoto's ability to find a way to turn it into something delicious. I am ready.

Yes, Kasuga! Suggest meal dates! Nomoto's eyes dilate every time!

Episode 3

I like Sayama a lot. I appreciate that they have her pursuing het romance so I don't have to wonder about romantic tension between her and Nomoto.

There's such a huge demisexual component to Nomoto that I really love.

Wow, it's actually so unexpected to see a romance say that the big swells of emotion in film don't match the experience some of us are having. This is how I've felt my entire life.

Nagumo, you have two women who live alone who want to feed you. You gotta let them in, girl.

Kasuga is always so direct about how much she enjoys spending time with Nomoto.

I love Kasuga so much. She asked Nomoto how to receive the news about her new project at work and didn't assume.

I like these two admitting that they like their lives right now.

Episode 4

I love that Nomoto is doing research now that she knows how to describe her feelings.

I'm so invested in these cabbage rolls you have no idea. I need Nagumo to eat one.

450 yen is not bad for that amount of food! Food is so expensive in America!

I'm losing it over this sushi mat business.

I'm worried about Nagumo! She doesn't seem unloved by her family, but she's clearly going through it!

Nagumo is a gamer, and she put her fridge on the opposite wall Kasuga and Nomoto did.

The Japanese really snapped when they decided that soup was a requirement of most meals.

These rolls look delicious.

I hope the friend on Twitter gets revealed.

I love these two so much, and I'm glad we have 20 episodes if this is the romantic pace we're moving at! I like them balancing the challenges of maintaining their dynamic in the changing world, and I like that they were both willing to invite someone else into their space. I especially love that Kasuga encouraged the young woman to be safe and watch out for herself. I can't wait for their romance to be out in the open and for the new neighbor to comment on it.

[not-goldy]

We still don't know who the actress is right ? So I assume it's a dancer and they might be doing a diet dance or something in MV. Don't expect it to be Jimin's duet dance which had a meaning behind it lol... this will be just het stuff shoving down our throats..

You and who's throat???

Not gonna lie, your fixation on women in jikook's content is botherline- is it the female in there that make it het content or is he actively promoting hetersexuality through his MVs and and lyrics and lifestyle cos yall never consistent.

There he is dancing amongst a bunch of men of all kinds of sexuality but no, that doesn't make him gay at all. It's the one girl. The one girl that's there as prop that suddenly defines his sexuality.

Years and years of his choices, associations and expressions don't define him, no. Not at all. It's this commercial/ creative choice made by a bunch of directors, visual coordinators, marketing and advertising staff that suddenly defines him.

If so then can we agree that every single time he bulldozed Park Jimin into modeling for him in his GCFs was him promoting homosexuality too????

Like if all it takes to determine his sexuality and sexual political advocacy is featuring a female on his songs, then he, Lauv and Jimin are a three way gay minage with gay shackles deeply bound around them for making an MV with not a single female in there.

I try to be patient with some of you but I swear to God

Please go away. I do not sit with you on this table.

Here I am bursting with Joy over all the possible nods he's made to Jimin over the course of their relationship in this MV preview and praying to God on my knees it's exactly what I'm thinking and all you care about is- IS WHO??? GUURRRLLL BE SERIOUS

This didn't make you giggle??

Black Swan and Michael Jackson????

It didn't make your butt tingle once??

You have silicone in your butt don't you??

Cos as Namjoon said, Black Swan is basically Jimin's.

Never mind that the Jikook BLACKSWAN performance left the entire Kpop shook for years

And I'm Glad everyone thinks the dark wings concept is a symbol of a fallen angel- cool. But who did Jungkook himself say is a fallen Angel?

Don't get me started on Micheal Jackson and Jimin

Jimin has been consistently expressing his love and admiration of Micheal Jackson and hasn't hidden the influences Micheal has on him and his performances.

Case in point his MV for like crazy, go look at the MV for permission to dance, he moves like him he dresses like him- for crying out loud we call them THE BLACK AND WHITE COUPLE.

And here's the creme de la creme if it all.

You will love this one.

Look up, 0.24/0.25 mins of the Butter MV by bts.

Jungkook pulls the same dance move Jimin makes in 0. 06 of his standing next to you preview.

YOU WELCOME.

Chilee leave me alone and let me enjoy my jikook in peace. I am not perturbed by anything or anyone.

I am delulu and I stand on that business.

Let me bring out my favorite MJ gif cos I like to think Jungkook took inspiration from me too

At this point I don't think Jungkook is a copy cat anymore.

HE'S JUST WHIPPED AND THERES NO HOPE FOR HIM. HE'S GONE. NO HET THEORY WILL BRING HIM BACK FROM THIS GAY MOUNTAIN SAY YOUR GOOD BYES😔

Peace out

[ilove-masked-men]

”How much do her parents make?”

a y/n x Johnny (Soap) Mactavish forbidden love based fanfic

Y/N POV

Arguing about money again, ofcourse they were, my dad loves to start arguments about money when he can’t afford his whiskey because mom payed for the rent instead of cigerettes. It was horrible, you asked him to go to rehab again but he said it “only made him worse” we all knew he was lying. I needed out and immediately. I didn’t want to go into the living room through front door though, they would drag me into the argument. I only had one other way out - my window. Right outside my window was a skip we had hired to clear out the house but we had barely used it, the only thing inside of it were some pillows and old blankets, creating the perfect soft landing. 

I jumped out and down onto it, it hurt, but not as much as it would if there wasn’t any cushoning. I got up and started walking, it was cold, even with my thickest coat on. It was so late too, almost tweleve and i was out walking. I’m asking to be kidnapped.

I was too busy lost in thought to see the man i had bumped into, almost knocking both of our balance. I mindlessly grabbed onto him for stabilty with my eyes squeezing shut in shock.

“What’s somet gorgeous la’hk yo’ou doin’ all about this late at ni’ht?” A heavy Scottish accent asked me, he didn’t seem to mega uncomfortable, but i let go of him without hesitance to make sure.

I realised i still had my eyes closed and opened them up, to be blessed in my vision… i think. He had an uneven smirk on his lips as he looked at me, with an extremely noticable mowhawk and peircing blue eyes. His face was imperfect but in all the right ways that made him something amazing to look at. He had the perfect build, his whole body being perfectly proportioned in his skin tight black shirt and slightly baggy blue jeans, only tight in the right places. 

“Still waitin’ for me answer pretty.” He said with a slight scoff, he was so full of himself i couldn’t help but be flattered.

“Uhm, sorry i was just going for a walk.” I answered directly, looking down.

“At twelve o’clock at ni’ht? Are you sure tha’s it?” He asked, his voice rung with a slight concern in it.

“Oh.. i mean, you know how it is.. rough night..” I explained to him, becoming more and more nervous, which he clearly picked up on.

“Hey, i ain’ abou’ to try and kidnap yo’ou or other stuff. How old are yous? And what’s your name? I’m 18 and me name is Johnny, but yous can call me Soap.” He asked me the questions so gently and he sounded so sincere i fell undee his spell, i made eye contact with him and smiled slightly.

“I’m y/n and i’m 16.” I told him, i felt more comfortable with him now that i had felt used to him.

“What time have yous gotta be home lovie? You wanna walk n’ talk?” He asked me with a kind smile.

I nod and begin talking to him, walking down the road next to him. He bought us coffee at the 24 hour cafê and we got phone numbers, i hope we can keep in touch alot, tonight was amazing - i met him at 12:00 and i got back home at 2:00. He even walked me home, i was writing about him in my diary for ages, filling up 3 pages just describing and drawing him. I slept like a baby after hetting everything off my chest too.

[dnovep]

noah is gay!!!! tell us all about it :3!!

tysm for asking, let's talk about it!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ bearing in mind i just woke up & my memory of anything not right in front of me ('the dream thieves' is in my hands rn) is nyot good sooo sorry for any glaring errors 😬

OK SO

wait i'm going to grab the first book send me luck i don't get dizzy getting out of bed too quick hahah

ok i got all 3 other books from the series we're in business baby

1. barrington whelk, family, & his alive days:

resentful, entitled, angry, lonely whelk is like that for a lot of obvious reasons but is also a mirror to noah. even after he was murdered brutally noah still loves glitter in snow globes & blue's spiky hair & playing with ronan. despite all the voices he hears whelk is alone & separate from his coworkers, noah is part of a family (even if not all of him is really there). tl;dr whelk is a reversing mirror to noah - & both are gay! comp het in an all-boys school for kids of rich & successful parents who stereotypically demand success & the perfect-seeming life (declan and the ashleys, get high grades or you're out, how much do those uniforms cost per year?). the czernys seem lovely at noah's funeral but who knows what pressures noah felt from them/school teachers/society or how much or little they acknowledged the existence of non-cishet identities. cabeswater takes adam's control over himself, his security in his own body, "I sacrifice myself." next to that, adam giving up everything, noah says "I almost woke up Cabeswater, we were close enough to do that." it's less how 'close' they were & actually how much whelk valued noah, reciprocated or not. or, this is noah talking, maybe noah thought they nearly woke up cabeswater, thought they were close enough to do that, but whelk didn't care enough for it to do that. noah makes excuses for whelk killing him (with crushing parallels to things people say in real life for people they love who hurt them). i'm including this whole paragraph because there's more here: ""You don't understand," Noah whispered. Blue was afraid he would disappear. This, she understood, had been a secret, carried inside him for seven years [since he died], and he still didn't want to confess it. "He was upset. He'd lost everything. If he'd been thinking straight, I don't he would've... he didn't mean to... we were friends like - are you afraid of Gansey?"" in the 7 years after he killed noah whelk didn't let himself miss him until it looks like he's going to die (neeve, ritual) at which point the guilt & all the good things about noah hits him & he feels "this terrible weight". of course all of this could be platonic but yeah it's just fun in a really heartbreaking & tragic way to think that they had Something almost romantic. "It was a strange, old expression, one that Whelk hadn't heard since his own days at Aglionby, when he, too, had been tight as ticks with his room-mate Czerny. [and they were room-mates!] He felt a hollowness inside him, like he was hungry, like he should've stayed home and drunk more to commemorate this miserable day." "Only Whelk and Czerny, treasure hunters and troublemakers, cared about [St Mark's Day's] existence." "Czerny and Whelk had returned, a half-dozen times, taking readings (next to the circle, there were six different numbers in Czerny's handwriting), digging in the dirt for possible artefacts, watching overnight for signs of supernatural activity." "All Whelk could find out was that the line loved reciprocity and sacrifice, but that was frustratingly vague." before whelk's family lost all their money him & noah kept pushing the ritual to wake the ley line back, there wasn't a desperate need (& maybe they liked staying there together overnight, taking readings, chatting). whelk's second girlfriend was "technically" noah's girlfriend.

2. adam vs whelk:

adam kills whelk. "[To Noah] Adam said, rather more ferocious than he'd been a moment before, "A friend wouldn't kill you."" whelk's ambition & the value he put on his family's good standing & his obsession after his dad's arrested and his family loses their money vs adam's ambition & the value he puts on improving his own good standing & his obsessive drive to push himself forward and up. "Adam had several things he thought about saying, but when he opened his mouth, it was none of those things. "Why Noah?" he asked. "Why not someone horrible?" Whelk closed his eyes for a bare second. "I'm not having this conversation. Why are you here?"" whelk hears 'voices' from his deal with cabeswater, adam sees 'ghosts' from his deal with cabeswater.

[when noah slips from time does that mean whelk does too?? or does he come back to life, if he never killed noah?? or does everything stay the same & they just fill in gaps where noah was to make it make sense???]

3. ronan & noah & The Secret.

"Noah said to Ronan, "I know why you're mad." Ronan sneered at him, but his pulse heaved. "Tell me then, Prophet." Noah said, "It's not my job to tell other people's secrets."" (this quote is so interesting - whose secret is it?? does he mean he can't tell ronan his own secret? or future!ronan's secret? someone else's??) [i could add more here about ronan & noah & cabeswater & cars, noah's red mustang, & both being gay but it's been nearly 90 mins & i'm getting sleepy again]

4. noah dies so gansey lives,

noah & whelk die vs adam & ronan live, whelk kills noah, adam saves ronan (& vice versa).

5. the blue kiss:

noah died when he was 17 - still learning about himself, still ("technically") dating a girl, so it makes sense that his ghost is still stuck in that mindset. maybe it's too early for him to realise he liked girls as friends, not romantically, maybe it's denial, maybe he never gets to work that out about himself. comp het, pressures of being in a rich family sent to a fancy & demanding school. offers to kiss blue if she's "curious" about how it feels, rubs the mark on his cheek from where whelk killed him before he does. the first kiss is a mess, the second is "a lot like kissing a dishwasher". "Blue squinted. "Are you sure you've done this before?" "Hey!" he protested. "It's weird for me, cause it's you." "Well, it's weird for me because it's you.""We can stop." "Maybe we should." then he refers to how kisses look in movies & says to imagine & copy those movie kisses - ok comp het, ok playing the part. after the 3rd kiss, "His smudge had got very dark, and he was cold enough that she shivered. Blue gave him a watery smile. "That was super nice." He shrugged, eyes doleful, shoulders curled in on themselves. He was fading. It wasn't that she could see through him. It was that it was hard to remember what he looked like, even while she was looking at him. When he turned his head, she saw him swallow. He mumbled, "I'd ask you out, if I was alive." Nothing was fair."

i listened to my noah playlist while writing this so shameless plug:

(i don't think maggie wrote him as gay, this is just fun playing about a character i love hahah)

[princesscolumbia]

Ranma 1/2 Thoughts - Remake? Edition

So there's a rumor flying in the R.5 community that the anime is getting a remake. Which, you know, if it's true could be good or bad and we won't know for sure until we actually observe the thing and collapse the waveform.

If they do remake the series, I hope they keep the problematic bits, because even with those problematic bits there's a message so powerful that blows right past them to reach new audiences all the time! Back around 2010 I was convinced that R.5 had lost it's place in the cultural lexicon due to the march of history. Not that it would ever be considered a mistake or an outlier artifact, but that it was a product of its time and the world had moved on.

It's quite clear that we, as a culture, haven't moved on, though. There's still abusive fathers, there's still mothers who communicate their desires for their children for absolute shit, there's still compulsory heteronormativity, there's still toxic masculinity, there's still people who will exploit others, there's still the kind of men that require the #MeToo movement, there's still horrible men in positions of power who can grant you your dreams or kill them if you don't submit to their sexual abuses, and there's still a need to point out that sex is not gender.

What I would like to see are consequences to all this. I want to see Genma being pursued by the Japanese equivalent to CPS and being appropriately shunned by the community. I want to see Soun's life being negatively impacted because he's letting a known abuser live with him. I want to see Nodoka's fears and anxieties over worrying she's too late to be a part of her child's life. I want to see a literally genderfluid and/or transgirl Ranma struggle in a non-comedic way over whether or not they're "manly" enough. I want to see Akane coming to terms with the fact that she is bisexual/lesbian and she's internalized comp-het and been taking it out on everyone else around her. I want to see Ukyo struggling with CPTSD over being kicked out of her home at a super young age and have to become a business owner and be a gender she wasn't born with and how that affects her life going forward. I want the reason for the Kuno sibling's rift to be over Tatewaki's stubborn refusal to stop violating girls. I want to see Happosai's mere existence as the chilling effect that it is and the reason only the teen girls and young adults are trying to stop him is because the older generations of women have had the fight (literally in some cases) beaten out of them.

Keep the difficult stuff, keep the problematic stuff, but show the reasons why it's difficult and problematic.

[jammiee097]

𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻 1

♡₊˚ 🦢・₊✧⋆⭒˚｡⋆

𝑩𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒂𝒚 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓!!

𝑨𝒍𝒔𝒐 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒇𝒓𝒆𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒐𝒏 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑰𝒇 𝑰 𝒅𝒊𝒅 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒘𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒓 𝒔𝒂𝒊𝒅 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒘𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈. 𝑬𝒏𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒖𝒂𝒈𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰'𝒎 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈.

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡(𝑻𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒓) 𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

-𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝑲𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒂 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒂𝒌𝒔 𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏'𝒕 𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒂𝒌 𝒐𝒓 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒌𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝒔𝒐 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒔 𝒙𝒙𝒙

-𝑰𝒏 𝑲𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒂 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒊𝒔 𝒐𝒍𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕𝒍𝒚 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎 𝒉𝒚𝒖𝒏𝒈

-𝑰 𝒅𝒐 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒆𝒙𝒖𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒛𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒐𝒏𝒆, 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚 𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒍 𝒇𝒊𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒆!!!

-𝑪𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒍𝒖𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓!!

𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕𝒍𝒚, 𝑯𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒇𝒖𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒐𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒋𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒚!!

♡₊˚ 🦢・₊✧⋆⭒˚｡⋆

the door gets broken open, there he was laying, Justin my boyfriend fucking one of my oh so called friends. I look at him knowing I was right all the fucking time. 'Oh fuck' He says and covers himself. I walk over to him. 'You fucking asshole!' I say he looks at me with his stupid puppy eyes. the ones I fell for long time ago. I can see them filing up with tears. 'Oh don't you dare to start crying.' I say and point with my finger. 'I wasn't-'

'Oh you weren't you know, What-ever, I'm moving to korea to live with chan the friend you don't trusted. well guess the tables have turned. fuck you.' I say and slam the door, walking out.

The flashback came back to me when I say him coming through the door of the tiny stationary store I work in. I remember calling Chan, my best friend since childhood, and telling him I was going to come meeting him. When he was 17 he moved to Korea to full fill his dream of becoming a idol. I was 13 at the time, we had a age difference of 4 years but I knew him from my brother! He was always very protective over me, which I found at that time very flustering. I'm not ashamed to say he was my first ever crush.

But back to now, 8 years later.

I had been a year since I broke up with Justin and I moved to Korea. I was looking at Justin walking in the store looking at the products, beside him a girl I remember to be the girl he cheated with me on. her hands wrapped around his arm. I look at my college who is still busy with a client, which meant I had to help them if they asked me something.

'Good afternoon. can you help me find something?' the girl asks. she looks at me, I'm scared she might recognize me. 'yeah of course, what do you need?' I say. my plan is just to act like he and her are normal people I don't know. he can't know I doubt every man who made a move to me because of his unloyalty.

'I need a refill for this pen and a light blue notebook.' She says and lays the pen on the counter. I smile and get a refill for het pen. I let her look at the blue notebooks and get back to the counter to help another client.

my college walks over to me. 'Hey, isn't that justin?' She says. when I first started to work here my first ever shift was with her, Lichae was one year older then me 23, she shared the same love with me for stationary and the need to work here surrounded by stationary all day long. As we got closer and she asked if I had a boyfriend and why I moved to korea I told her my story and shared a picture of the so called man.

I nod to her question. 'I'm just gonna act like I don't know him anymore. I really want him to go.' I say and she smiles. 'What?'

'No, it's just a smart idea. Hey, I wanted to ask-' Lichae says but gets cut off by justin and his girl. 'These 2 please!' she says to Lichae who gladly helped them. Looking a bit more disturbed as normal. She could take in all the hate, except her face. Justin looks besides Lichae, directly at me. he changed a bit I noticed, he shaved that ugly ass moustache. he waves, Fuck. I decided to just wave back and go to some pens. When I heard the bell rinkle of the store, meaning they left, I walked over to Lichae again.

'So before I got broken off I wanted to ask if uh, you wanted to hangout later, maybe get food at your place?' I look at her. 'Why not your place?' I say, knowing why she wants to meet at my place, deciding to teas her a bit.

'Oh come one, you know why? aren't you my friend, help a friend right? I'm sorry it's okay at my place. I want to hangout with you not felix.' She says. My mouth flew open out of amazement.

'Oh my god, you really like Felix.' I say and I see her cheeks turning red.

'Sorry can one of you help me find something for my granddaughter.' the old lady says and smiles. 'Yes of course.' Lichae quickly says and walks away with the older lady.

last month Lichae went home with me for the first time, as you see I live not only with chan but also with 7 other friends.

let me put them on a list.

christopher bang, but we call him chan. he is the leader of the dorm and the oldest of the group. he is also the person I trust the most.

Minho lee, he is a bit distant. At first I thought he didn't like me, but when I got to meet him further and started to live with him in that dorm, the nicer and more open he got.

Changbin Seo, he is a rapper, he is so cool. he is the gym buddy of me and chan, He is now bulking and he got so broad, AAAHH!!

Hyunjin Hwang, he is so artsy. he always comes at fridays to the store, an hour before the store closes. So he can look at all the stationary and maybe buy something. After he brings me home and I don't have to take the bus home or bike!!

Felix Lee, No felix and lee are not related. Felix is the sweetest man on earth. He also knows how hard it was for me to learn some korean beause as me he was an australian.

Han Jisung, one of my best friends. He is just so funny and nice to talk too, he can be super handsome too. It's confusing.

Seungmin Kim, He's shy but once you get to know him he is also the sweetest. his smile is so pretty even tho he is really insecure about it. and oh my he has the most beautiful voice when he sings.

and last but not least.

8. Jeongin Jang, the youngest of the boy group, not the dorm. his smile is so pretty and I'm so jealous of his hair and the way he can make things so aestheticly pleasing.

That day I brought Lichae with me and she got greated by everyone. But when she shaked Felix his hand they had a.. Moment. they shaked there hands to long and it looked like they last each other in their eyes. they also talked all night, and I sort of was not there for Lichae's say.

after a couple minutes Lichae came back with the lady, checked her out and waver her goodbye.

'So you want to see Felix again? you can also just ask his number you know.' I say and smile at her. she blushes. 'No way, he is to handsome for me, I mean who would want a stupid store worker like me when your this handsome man, who can sing and rap and have- Oh shit.' She says catching herself, I laugh out loud. 'Don't talk about yourself like that..' I say. 'But let's meet after work for dinner, sounds good!'

⋆.˚✮🎧✮˚.⋆

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ ɴᴏᴛᴇ:

𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓, 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒐𝒚𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒆𝒙𝒄𝒊𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒕 𝒐𝒏𝒆!!!

[alarrytale]

Sony Music and Sony Entertainment are owned by the same corporation and it would reflect badly on all of it. I’m not saying that there’s no shitty business practices, or even that they’ve done unethical things, but the things that are being claimed Sony Music has done to Larry I don’t see how Louis and Harry could not easily sue over that. I’m no lawyer so I can’t fully but it is doubtful to me they can’t sue for say, being forcibly closeted or trying to pressure Louis into signing a birth certificate, etc. Coercing someone into doing these things is one thing and a whole other conversation, but doubtful to me they’re legally bound to do them.

Hi, anon!

I don't think i agree. I don't think people will stop going to a Sony produced movie, not buy PS5 or buy a Sony TV because Sony Music Entertainment forcibly closeted Harry Styles. They're all separate companies with the same owner, Sony. It's not like Sony is putting extra pressure on Harry if they don't sell enough TVs.

I've said many times before why H and L can't sue. They willingly signed a contract that states that Sony can do whatever it takes to make them big and earn them money. Sony own the names, likenesses, voices and personal histories of the 1D guys and everything they do while under a Sony contract, forever. Sony can use that material however they want, even if it's false, embarrassing or damaging. This is not illegal, as long as the guys signed it knowingly and willingly, and as long as Sony does it with the intention of furthering their careers and make them money. Sony's first right of refusal clause in all their recording contracts makes it so that Sony won't let anyone leave if they can match the offer from another label. They will never let Harry leave as long as they can control him like they already do and as long as he's profitable.

So if Sony says, Harry we're going to give you a womaniser image to make it look like you have sex appeal and make you attractive to women, and at the same time make people think you're straight, because out gay men don't appeal to het women who wants to marry you, Harry can't do shit about it. If they say, Harry you have to pretend to date CF to make you look like a womaniser and to create buzz for txf (she's under the same contract ans probably had little choice herself). People will watch the show if there is a scandalous relationship between you and CF, there is nothing he can do to say no. If he refuses he's in breach of contract, that he willingly signed, and will probably be banned from the music industry forever. Sony is powerful enough to do that. If he refuses they can ruin his image more. More damaging stories in the press. All press is good press. As long as it gives them attention and make people aware there's an album out, they can drag his name through the mud along with all of his family and friends.

If Sony says Louis, we will create a baby scandal around you to get attention on our new 1D album, make you look straight and make it look like you're not in a relationship with Harry, there is nothing L can do. Both L and H can try to bargain and trade off and say, no i'd rather fake date that person or do that instead, and Sony can say yes or no. Sony can also say, if you refuse to do this or that Louis we'll make Harry get engaged. Louis might then say, alright i'll do the baby scandal. Sony might later say, oh btw. Now that it's out that you're going to be a father, we've actually signed with that family and a baby is being born that you'll have to pretend is yours. And Louis will be shocked and in disbelief. It's already out that he's going to be a father, but he probably thought it would all end with a DNA test when the kid was born. Pretty sure he didn’t think he signed up for 10 years of playing a fake dad back in 2015, and how damaging that would end up being for his own solo career.

As long as Sony can prove that H and L signed these contracts willingly and that it's the best course of action to advance their careers and make them money, H and L won't have a case. It's not about right or wrong, it's about what's legally allowed or not. It's a corporation and Sony is treating H and L like corporations. They're a brand that needs to be protected. They've invested in said brand and expect returns on their investment. Using their control over their images, they indirectly control their closets and their public lives.

H and L (and the rest of the 1D guys) are legally bound to this contact saying Sony can do whatever they want. They signed it. Sony has played their cards so well that H and L are backed into a corner. Even if L isn't with Sony anymore, he isn't free of the consequences of what Sony made him do. He isn't getting radio play, he's still saddled with a fake baby and his boyfriend is still under Sony. I honestly think all of 1D are still under Sony, since they're on hiatus and not disbanded. I think Sony still controls their images, either directly under the 1D contract or indirectly though the image clause.

It's fine if you believe this isn't possible, but i think you are too unimaginative about how Sony can go about making this all happen and resulting in what we're witnessing today. I also think you are too hung up about things being illegal or legal, instead of looking at it as Sony having certain powers within the contract and them forcing H and L's hands by backing them up into a corner. If you think Sony is powerful, multiply it with ten.

[androgynealienfemme]

"When I was seventeen, I worked the street. I used to tell tricks that I would stay all night for $100, that I would swallow for $40, that I never came with anyone else but with them it was different.

I lied back then for survival. It was just good business. I got paid more.

The person I was back then had been dead for half a lifetime, but lately I've been thinking about more current lies. The lies about fucking and about sex that the person I became, and those like me, have told, have believed, got you to believe, and that all of us have needed for so long.

We've had our asses on the line for a long time. We're the dykes on the sexual edge, the radical fringe of lesbian. We started the dialogues on fucking, butch-femme, S/M, dominance and submission- the how, the why, and what it all meant. We spoke at workshops and conferences, did hours of counseling over beers or coffees, and started the support groups. Some of us wrote the books and made the videos. We all got shit on from great heights. We argued, explained, fought, consoled, and recruited.

We also lied a lot.

It's those lies that I've been thinking about lately. The lies we needed to tell and the lies we all needed to hear.

My first two girlfriends wouldn't let me fuck them. Penetration was not what lesbians did, I was told. With the exception of a menstrual sponge, entering a vagina with anything, even a finger, was what men did to us. Penetration represented the kind of inherently oppressive sex we were trying to leave behind. Well-read girls knew that fucking was a vestige of the hetero-patriarchal power structure. Women, we all knew, came by clitoral not vaginal stimulation.

The quicker thinking and cleverer among us pointed out that hets did cunnilingus too, but it still remained a relatively guilt-free mainstay of the correct lesbian.

We said that penetration which occurred between two women of inherent equality wasn't a metaphor for power imbalance. Because of their shared history as women, there was no difference between who was doing fucking and who was getting fucked. The fuck was an equal exchange. This explanation, originally viewed with suspicion, eventually relieved almost everyone. The reality, for me and my kind, whatever we told you and whatever you believed, is that fucking between equals is passionless. Penetration without context is meaningless. Sex that is gentle, passive, egalitarian, and bloodless does not move us. Lesbians were right to be so suspicious about penetration back then. There really is, in fact, no equality in penetration. When we fuck, we possess. When we are fucked, we become the possession. For some, the only time in our lives we can give up control or achieve total control is as we are taken or as we take.

-"Sex, Lies, and Penetration, a Butch finally 'fesses up" Jan Brown, The Persistent Desire (edited by Joan Nestle) (1992)

[odinsblog]

Hoo boy 🤯

One of my aunts had children much later in life (auntie is almost 60 and has a daughter who is 12) and I stopped by yesterday just to say hi, and I walked into WW3

Like I’m just sitting there, minding my own business and being a good nephew 😇 when out of nowhere, my 12yr old cousin just blurts out, “Odin please tell her that 12 isn’t too young to be on birth control!”

Like, JFC. Are you … are you being serious rn??

I’m positive that the slow motion side eye I gave her was fucking severe enough to kill

Me: Well y’all, I’ll be right back

*me to myself: I have no intention of ever returning to this quadrant of the universe in the foreseeable future*

My auntie: No Odin, don’t go anywhere. You two are about the same age. I’d love to hear your thoughts—(again, my little cuz’n is 12, I’m almost 40, I’m a cis/het Black man, both my parents are Black, the 12yr old identifies as “biracial” and as “bi” period, and how tf am I anywhere close to being helpful? My ex gave me a cactus plant bc she knew I could never successfully grow plants in my house, and she said a cactus was a safe plant for me. And then I killed it!! I don’t even have any children! How am I remotely qualified? Why are I here??)

Auntie: Well, Odin??

Me, to myself: *Okay. No escape routes handy. Try to say something intelligent, and don’t cuss*

Me: *ahem* So talk to us. Why are you sO determined to get on birth control, and why NOW? Is there a boy? Has your mother met him yet? Please talk to us. This is a no-judgement zone, okay?? *staring intently at my aunt*

Yes, there is a boy. Yes, she’s “in love” 🙄

And by now the absolute gravity of the situation is dawning on me, and I’m starting to forgive my aunt for not letting me escape from their family convo. She was, apparently, taken by surprise as much as I was. She didn’t know about any of this, and she needed a buffer to compose herself, and I guess it was me that day

It’s such a long ass story

Anyway, after what seemed like hours of listening to the 12yr old wax on about how mature she believes she is, my aunt actually said, “I’m glad that you felt you could trust me with this,” and I think I almost fainted. Was definitely not expecting auntie to be so calm about it (sn: she’s an old, Black Pentecostal church lady auntie, so anything other than extreme anger + slut shaming is wayyy off brand here - hopefully it was genuine and not just something she said just bc EYE was present)

Then auntie asked her daughter to step outside so that the adults could talk (lol, I almost thought she meant someone else other than me and I nearly left the room with the 12yr old)

Here’s where the problem comes in: my immediate reaction was, if the kid truly thinks she’s in love + has clearly considered having sex, then put her on the pill or some other birth control immediately. But Auntie thinks it’s too early bc she doesn’t think her daughter is emotionally ready for sex, and not mature enough either (my 12yr old cuz’n thinks that if she takes a birth control pill on Monday, then she can have sex on Tuesday. I was stunned at how difficult it was to disabuse her of this notion - which apparently is “common knowledge” amongst her peers)

My aunt thinks putting her daughter on birth control would be encouraging a child to engage in intercourse, but I kept trying to drive home the fact that she IS going to have sex anyway, with or without contraception, and with or without auntie’s consent—that’s just a matter of fact, like taxes and physics and gravity

I kept saying, “just be glad she came to you beforehand, or at all, because now you have a chance to act and to protect her”

But then we found out about the boy. He’s a fucking mess, and almost 4yrs older than her

My aunt is leaning towards something like, “If she can demonstrate that she’s ready and mature enough, then maybe I’ll let her go on the pill when she turns 13 or 14,” and I’m like, what happens if SHE doesn’t wait until then?? Nobody can watch her 24/7/365 and if she’s determined to have sex, then she absolutely will

…I honestly do not know what the right answer is here, but I think I’m right?

And young Black girls “falling in love” and having babies with the first guy who is halfway nice to them, before they graduate high school, is already a thing™ in Pentecostal churches. I’m like, auntie what you have here isn’t a setback—this is a golden opportunity to help break a cycle

I know I’m old af, but kids seem to grow up so damn fast nowadays. At 12 all I wanted to do was play basketball, read comic books, and hang out with my friends. Don’t get me wrong, I liked girls and I knew they existed, but SEX? “Sex” was that blurry thing that you occasionally saw on the cable channels you couldn’t afford, as you were flipping through the channels to get to the X-Men cartoons. And I understand that I’m extremely slow here. After all, I was a Pentecostal church boy who took a “purity oath” and was a virgin until I was 25yrs old

Idk how parents deal with this kind of shit. I always thought that one day I would make a great parent, but every time I hear about the problems some of my family encounter with their children, it just chips away at that belief of me being “good parent” material. Lmao, my confidence that I would be a good parent USED to be bigger than Plymouth Rock, but now it’s about the size of a pebble