#so knowing 'the same religion your parents believe in is what got so many people killed' basically blew my head off

[archivedjuice]

no because the way this was HUGE when revising my family's religious beliefs when i was like twelve. i went to a fucking catholic school and learned about slavery when i was EIGHT. dude i felt crazy insane knowing that the only reason i even went to a catholic school was because of slavery and i was expected to believe in the same things. like this + just the fact that i didn't like the idea of worshiping a being that was jealous, got off on his own violent actions, ruled by fear or felt the need to have worshippers despite Being everything

[rezitio]

۪۫❁ཻུ۪۪┊SEXUAL DESIRES getou s  .⃗  ༉‧₊˚✧  Many of the worlds practices are already cultish

˚♡"I said hold it."

http:˚♡"control yourself."

a/n: i love cultleader getou

warning: virgn r., corruption, manipulation, age gap, cunnlings, orgasm denial, dubcon, anal, orgasm, links at the end, cigarettes after sex,degradation, hymen breaking.

characters: cultleader!getou

syn: your cult leader decides to help you release sexual desires.

wc: 2.05k+

You were pretty young when you first met master getou. At the time you were too young to understand what was going on. You remembered your mother being on the verge of death but, master getou touched her once she suddenly felt better.

It put a mental image in your head. You were only seven but you knew briefly about religion and god, and at that moment you believed if there was really a god, he was standing right in front of you. With his black hair that at the time reached his mid-waist. And the gojo-kesa that made him look like a wise elder.

Your parents must have thought the same thing too because a few days later, you left to a place in the middle of nowhere where you saw your god again. This time with people who thought like you, who had similar experiences with master getou. Who worshipped and adored him.

Over the years, master getou got many more people to join his cult, New World, and you and your parents were as faithful as ever. You were a quiet girl in the cult. Recently turning 18, you noticed a few changes.

Like the new chores, you had involved being in master getous presence in rather vulnerable places. It did not help that whenever master getou was around you there would be something going on, down there, like throbbing or liquid. You always ignored this after all it was similar to something they said in studies.

They called it 'unholy urges' and to ignore it and pray whenever they came up, that they would disappear. It was easy to ignore it the first few times, but as you grew it became worse. Now you couldn't even look at master getou else it would start to hurt. Bad.

Sometimes during your master's teachings, you would rub your thighs together to stop the tingles, and even though you were told not to you touched your cunt but it only hurt more so you quickly stopped feeling the slit.

Little did you know, Getou knew. Ever since your breasts began to bounce every time you walked or when your ass would show a curve on your robe. Getou felt delight in teasing you, by making you assist him in the bath, or calling on you during teachings to come close to him and read the scriptures. He loved seeing your red face and your thighs rub each other.

Getou would send curses to molest you and make you have wet dreams or make you horny just to see you suffer because you didn't know how to touch yourself. He would watch you curl your toes and almost cry because of the pain as the curse would twist your tits or pull your clit.

One time after a teaching your cunt hurt so bad you felt like you were going to die. You blamed it on the evil spirits master getou always talked about. You prayed multiple times but the whole day it was aching and throbbing. You had to act fast. Master getou was getting ready to leave the cult house again. He would often go to the outside world to 'rid the world of evil' sometimes it took him months to come back, and you couldn't withstand this for another second.

You marched to master getous office although he said to not be disturbed.

There would be serious consequences if you were caught but you just needed to see him. You knew if you saw him he would make the pain go away.

Gentle knocks on the door. You almost jumped when you heard his voice. "I thought I said not to be disturbed." He spoke from the other end of the door causing a liquid to run down your thigh. "Master getou, please...I-I can't any longer"

Getou had a smirk on his face on the other side of the door, he'd waited for you to finally submit yourself to him, you took too long coming he thought you must have fought the desires off. But how could he forget you were still a weak naive slut who wants her master to touch her?

"Come in." He saw you walk through the door with the robe he made you wear whenever you were doing something for him. The short shirt that showed off much of your cleavage and waist with the long but side slit skirt that he could see everything from a certain angle.

You knelt and bowed at the door, your head and down as your skirt slowly slid revealing your thin black thong he gifted you.

"Master getou-... please, it hurts" Your tears pooled in your eyes as your voice cracked. "I'm begging you."

It took everything for Getou to not touch himself hearing you plead and beg. "Stand up and come." His voice was commanding.

You did as he said, head looking at the floor with both hands in front of you till you could see his feet. He was on the edge of a bed that was placed because sometimes he would sleep in his office. "Look at me."

You raised your head and looked him in the eye. You saw your shirtless master in pants only, even his hair was down. Your eyes betrayed you to stare at his chest and then the huge bulge coming out of his pants which made your eyes widen with curiosity on what was restrained down there.

"What did I say?" He used his hand to direct your eyes back to his. "Tell me again, what is your business here?"

"Master, I can't any longer. T-the curses they-... I need help." Getou was looking at you right now and there was no curse or anything on you. What you were feeling right now was purely you. Your desires, your needs. He resisted a smile and only sighed.

"Get on the bed and show it to me." Your eyes widened at the request but you did as he said. You couldn't believe you were on the bed your master slept on, if the cult found out about this you would be disgraced but if they knew he was the one who commanded it they would see you as his favourite and always make sure you were well made for presenting. They can't risk a filthy thing on the matsers bed.

You opened your legs and laid back moving your skirt out of the way without having to remove it. He saw how red and wet you were the was cum soaked in the panty and around your lips, he wondered how he would even touch you without overstimulating you.

He grabbed the string of your thong and pulled it up. You let out a loud sound at the ache before promptly covering your mouth. "Remove your hand and don't suppress your voice. I want to hear you."

"But what if, someone hears-" He gave a glare that made you shut up.

"Are you questioning me when I'm helping you?" You quickly apologise and shake your head.

He chuckled at your reaction and tore off your panties. Your cunt was clenching around the air exposed you could feel it twitch.

He stared at it for a while analysing the beauty. He opened your legs wider and slapped your cunt making you moan loudly.

He grazed his fingers along your bare pussy making you moan. By instinct, you started to rock your cunt to his fingers as he just held it in place.

He couldn't believe how much of a needy whore you are to be trying to get off by humping his fingers and how when he pulled away you groaned loudly. He wanted to see what would happen if he went further.

"What were you doing to acquire such a curse?" He asked you as if the feelings you were feeling weren't natural. And a result of you being so touch-starved.

He pulled you by the waist and aligned his face with yours, he first licked it to tease you, already tasting your juices and god you were so sweet. His tongue was skilled. Your cunt was already lubricated making it easier for him to abuse you. It did not take long for you to start squirming and moving around.

Your moans were music to his ears even though they kept getting muffled but your thighs enclosing his head. You ran your hand through his hair and he allowed it. It took everything you had to not shove his head away because he was just helping you out of the kindness of his heart.

He could have let you suffer but he agreed to help you and exorcise the curse that was in you. You guessed this was way worse than the evil spirit that made your mom sick because of the way he aggressively pushed his tongue in and out of you. You felt the vibrations of his grunts and he said words like. "Fucking sweet." and "Needy whore."

But you didn't know if it was to you or the curse or hell a technique. But you were thankful for his help even though it felt like you were doing something wrong.

Eventually, you felt like you needed to piss, and you didn't want to piss on his face but it was like he read your mind. "Hold it." He said before continuing to abuse your clit. This time he added a finger in your hole which made you moan louder.

"master nghh... I can't... It's gonna- mwaghhh~" Getou knows your virgin ass couldn't hold in an orgasm he wanted you to cum on his face, in fact, he got harder just thinking about it.

He just needed an excuse to put his dick in you, to take away your virginity. "MASTER!"

"I said hold it!" He inserted another finger and trusted it roughly while he thrusts his tongue in you. The stimulation was too much and you squirted all over his face. But it wasn't pee. It was a white-ish sticky substance.

"I-I'm sorry I-" He licks the cum of his lips and the outside of your cunt. "Turn over."

When you hesitated he took matters into his own hands turning you on your knees face down. You heard a zipper followed by the ruffling of pants.

"Master getou- what-" He stuck two fingers in your mouth tired of the questions. "Suck."

You did as he said and began to suck his fingers. You felt his hand stretch open your pussy. You heard a chuckle from him and him say something along the line of "It's gonna fucking hurt."

Getou aligned his tip to your pussy he inserted his tip and you moaned at the feeling confused at what he was using. He did it again but his time he trusted something huge inside.

You screamed as it hurt not the good hurt just hurt. You felt something trickling down your thigh. Getou smirked at the crimson that leaked from your hole. "Tell me when to continue." He said.

You didn't know what he meant by that but you started to feel a change instead of pain and violation you felt pleasure, intense pleasure.

"Aah~, master please continue." Getou didn't waste time and began roughly thrusting in and out of you. You felt your pussy clenching on him with each thrust. You felt guilty because you must have made things worse by squirting when he told you not to because now he was being more vocal. He said stuff like. "Fuck, tight bitch.", and "Stop fucking clenching" while also grunting a lot. It's not like you were any better. You were a loud mess.

He kept repeating the exorcism till you needed to pee again, this time he allowed you too before put a similar substance in your hole too. You felt him pull out and grab a cigarette his hand still on your ass.

Your eyes started to haze and you felt like shutting them. Getou noticed and gave you the go-ahead to rest on his bed. When you closed your eyes you immediately fell to sleep.

link, link, link, after

Thank you guys so much for the support! Not less than a week ago I had like 7 followers now I have a 100 and smth! I really didn't expect people to like the sukuna links so much it was just a shit post, but thank you!

[waitmyturtles]

As I did last week, I have more constructive criticism for Jack & Joker, so, trigger warning again, please fly away if you can't deal with objective criticism of your faves.

What frustrates me about the construction of this show is that it's tripping on its own feet. And I shouldn't use the indefinite article; I should call out director Tee Bundit directly, because we saw him do this in spades in Step By Step. Tee did everything he could to avoid building a real narrative romance between the SBS leads, and the emotional beats that succeeded their late-series intimate breakthrough were not syncopated properly to match the development of a convincing relationship.

The incomplete beats at hand here are not as bad as they were in SBS. What's keeping me going on in Jack & Joker is that, at least, we are getting separate emotional development trajectories for Jack and Joke -- and a nice, hearty head-smack from Ah Mah at the end of the episode, towards Jack and his inclination to shut down and keep his shit internal. Ah Mah is trying to get Jack to know how to act as family, and she did the same with Joke's father earlier in the episode.

Like I said last week, I think this show has some really wonderful family-related thematic gems like the ones I just mentioned for this week's episode. Yin and War are acting these themes out with heart. Jack's in a really tough spot. The robber clowns will get together again next week to try to get him out of his tough spot.

And I know many of us are upset with Joke's dad, as I am, too, he's a real piece of shit, but his scenes with Joke struck me as very real to the experience of an insanely strict Asian dad. I've written about this too many times to count, but the ability of an Asian parent to cut their kids off like that is a concept that majority Western culture hasn't contemplated, except in instances of religion, sexism, bigotry, etc., but anyway -- that kind of cut-off doesn't exist as part of the everyday Western mentality about parenting, whereas in Asian parenting styles, to reject the patriarchal hierarchy could mean permanent separation, as Joke's dad has enacted to Joke. The fact that the motherfucker reconsidered AFTER EATING JOKE'S FOOD struck me as deeply sexist ("the way to a man's" blah blah, UGH), so I'm glad Ah Mah told that bitch off, but I did think those scenes were done well and realistically.

Anyway, where this series is absolutely lagging is in the EDITING. All these rich people games. I think there are many more concise narrative ways that we can be told that the rich play with the lives of the poor, than to give us bloated scene after bloated scene of literal gaming. Forget metaphors! Just give us some well-written, snappy dialogue about how these rich people are total assholes! We'll believe it!

And at the same time, I'm feeling bad for Rose, honestly. She likes Jack! She has no idea her crush on him is caught up in this Boss bullshit. She's gonna be hurt! And they're gonna rob her house now? I mean, I think what Tee is saying (I think?!?!?!) is that what comes to her, she deserves, because she's as scummy as the rest of the other scummy rich people (Ajahn Pichai, was that you?!). But like, this is her dad's shit?! So she gets automatically blamed because she's a nepo baby? I mean, I guess, if you're a reader of New York Magazine, that's reasonable thinking, but like, some of us are moral thinkers here!

This shit is complicated, and for an episode that was ONE HOUR. AND. 21. MINUTES. LONG., we could have a shorter AND clearer episode that could have scrubbed at the grout of these otherwise very interesting moral quandaries. But instead, we got video games from some dusty-ass rich boy who needs a goddamn bath.

I know, I know we haven't gotten the intimacy payoffs for any of the implied couples yet, and maybe this is part of YinWar's intention in having so much control over their script. But I did wonder if I was watching a Series Y/BL, or if I was watching a dramedy instead. I don't really care what genre it's in. But what I would like is for the themes to be crystal-clearly focused so that us, the viewers, can lean into what the cast and showmakers WANT us to care about -- which, thematically, I'm unclear on at this moment.

[libra-stellium]

Natal Saturn Retrograde - Personal Observation

I'm currently reading Uranus: Freedom from the Known by Jeffrey Wolf Green! I'm on page 4 and I already have thoughts lol

Some things he said about having Saturn retrograde in the chart

A retrograde archetype is simply the need to withdraw, to retreat, to rebel from the status quo expectation of how that planetary behavior is meant to manifest from a societal point of view. This necessary rejection of the status quo via the retrograde principle accelerates the natural evolutionary pace. Because when you are withdrawing from the status quo you are arriving at your own unique and individual expression, essential individuality, of whatever planet or function is retrograde.

This is interesting bc I have Mercury, Saturn, Neptune and Uranus retrograde in my chart loll I do spend like 80% of my time thinking about my own behavior and other people's behavior and societal reasons for them. Definitely more than the people around me so I can see how that would accelerate evolution. I'm big on learning from other's mistakes lmao I also don't believe a lot of the same things as the people around me which can make me more withdrawn at times bc I know I'm the odd one in the room lol

Could we deduce that the Saturn retrograde person is going to be intrinsically oriented to rejecting, rebelling, withdrawing from, and questioning such social imprinting? The individual would come to define her or his own natural authority (Saturn), customs, regulations, norms, taboos, and ways of integrating into the culture that he or she is born into. When Saturn is retrograde the door is open and pointing to Uranus.

I wrote before how with Saturn 1H I basically raised myself when it came to my values and principles lol guess saturn retrograde played a part in that too! Idk when exactly it was to know what transit I was going through but within like the 2019-2021 time period I had a meltdown about my non existent kids feeling left out culturally bc I don't intend on abusing them omggg and like a lot of the Haitian comedy shit is about how the parents treat their kids so badly! I got over it lol bc obviously there are many other cultural aspects that are unrelated to that but it's funny how that was such a distressing thing for me! I'm also the odd one out of my catholic/christian family bc i'm pretty anti religion lol

The very nature of the individual's consciousness is intrinsically different.

All of this is screaming you're a weirdo to me lmfao but trueeee I always find myself in positions where I say something to people around me and they're like huh...never thought about it like that before

There is more of a sense of distance or detachment from the immediacy of one's family and culture, a sense that there is more to reality (Saturn) than is being focused upon by the family or culture.

I'm def the estranged family member lol the only person in my family that I talk to regularly is my aunt and she also lives in my building so! I come from a family that was very idek like the types to act like everyone gets along and are all happy together and having parties and dinners but then I realized that not only do they not know a lot about each other, they don't even like each other! Right now my aunt is trying to force this family dinner of just her and I with her brother that she talks to only when she reaches out (he doesn't ever remember her birthday after 62yrs) and my godmother's brother bc he just got divorced lol her thing is all "we don't act like a family!" and I'm like girl if I wasn't related with these people I wouldn't even be acquaintances with them lmao

Commonly, the Saturn retrograde is going to have a problem with one or both parents. In certain family situations this can be a problem and can create emotional distance from the offspring to such a parent. And, from an evolutionary point of view, necessarily so.

Yeah I don't talk to either of my parents lol no contact with my mother bc she's a narc and I just don't have a relationship with my father like he wasn't really around when I was younger but then I "met" him around 14ish and things were okayish but it wasn't real bc it was just my mother forcing things bc she wanted access to him again lol now he's just a follower on IG who likes my stories sometimes and we don't talk lmfao but I do see how stifled I was before getting away from my mother. There's a lot of mental blocks I had put in place just to deal with her and now I don't have them and it's sad bc now I see the same pattens between some of my other friends and their mothers but they're still in the "that's just how my mom is but we have a great relationship as long as i'm not [insert long list of conditions]" and I'm just like yikes!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm also currently in my saturn return along with most of my friends and only one other friend has saturn retrograde and I feel like we're the only two on our saturn return journey who are idek on a straight course? Like we hit an obstacle we work through it and move forward with the lesson but it seems like the others are stuck on a hamster wheel like they have to get the same obstacle over and over and they still aren't getting it and when I talk to them they sound like they're about to take a step forward like yeah they can't live like this anymore they're gonna do this instead but then nothing happens nothing changes and we're back to the same issue omg idk if that's a thing or if it's just an observation of my friends and I lol

Bc of how mercury rx happens I had this idea that saturn rx would work the same way as in slowing me down and keeping me stuck in cycles longer than others but reading about how saturn rx acts more like uranus it does make more sense for me lol a lot of my growth starts by surprise and it triggers like a very quick spiral where I start connecting all the dots and then I'm like whoa....like when I first realized my mom was a narc I wasn't even looking for it lol I was looking for ways to implement better boundaries to help our relationship lmfaooo then i was basically spiraling for 6months every time she did something I was like omg that's literally a tactic and then I went no contact by literally blurting it out over the phone bc I got frustrated lol I shocked myself!

Wild stuff!

[ceasarslegion]

wait, now im really interested in the silica gel drama. how did hlrp sex ed lead to eating a gel packet?

This is going to require a novel's length of context.

To begin, I want to underline that this is not meant to be a callout post, and I will not be providing any identifying traits that could be used to single this person out. The most you will get out of that are she/her pronouns, and her age at the time this happened, which was years ago, and I will not specify what year. I genuinely do hope she got the help she needed after this, because LORD knows she needs it and didn't find it at home. This is also not meant to be a character assassination, nor should anybody who reads this post consider it to be a takedown of any sort, and if you try to find this person through me or any of our mutual friends, you will not be met with kind words. The only thing this is meant to be is a wild-ass story of some of the most off the wall experiences I personally had with this person from my specific side of the story, with a few no-username screenshots attached to prove I am not bullshitting you.

With that in mind, let's get started. This is going to be very long, so I'm throwing in a read more

Back when I was in uni, I joined a growing group of Half Life roleplay blogs. The whole idea of our group was that we each chose a character, canon or OC, and we would blog as if the pre-Black Mesa incident moment in the timeline was a workplace comedy a la The Office or Superstore. I played Barney, because I was already working night shift security at this point and thought it would be funny. Plus, it gave me something to do that wasn't staring at CCTV feeds all night tossing a ball against the wall. We played off of each other very well, yes-anding our way through funny little situations and plotlines we put together. At one point we had roleplayed enough that one of the scientist rpers created a discord server for us to talk as the actual people we are instead of through characters.

Great idea at the time. None of us saw the "Pandora's box" label on the tin before we opened it. Would I still join it if I knew what was about to transpire? Yes, because I met my boyfriend and many genuinely lovely friends through it. Would I hesitate for a second first, though, as the events that are about to transpire flashed before my eyes? Oh, abso-fucking-lutely.

We started off as many fandom servers do: chill for the most part, very loud minority of a few assholes who ruined it for the rest of us, but unlike most fandom servers, we actually won and it ended in them getting banned and the server itself surviving to this day. But the other two lunatics are not who you came here for. You want the christian lunatic.

Let's give her a nickname to make this easier. I have the Sylveon build a bear on my PC desk. Let's call her Syl.

Syl was not there for Half Life, she was there for Portal. She LOVED Portal, Half Life was just part of the same universe for her. Portal wasn't just a game for her, it was her entire personality. Which I didn't see much of an issue with at the time, because she said she was 15. Whatever, I thought; she'll learn to control her emotional attachment to things as she gets older. Syl also said that she was christian. I am a flaming atheist who doesn't even believe in the concept of a soul in comparison and I am NOT the biggest fan of christianity as an institution to put it mildly, but I'm not gonna like, be a dick to you for your personal religion if you are not a dick about my beliefs, so I didn't think much of it at the time.

It quickly became apparent that Syl looked up to me more than any of the other adults in the group the more I would talk about my life growing up as a third culture kid and moving out on my own at 19, working 2 jobs and going to a good university. She would ask me a lot about growing up and uni and moving out and yes, sex ed, and it became even more apparent that she didn't get any actual guidance from her parents or pastors or ANYBODY beyond bible studies and homeschooling, so I kinda stumbled into a mentorship role in her life. I wasn't cold, but I was aware of the age and maturity difference between us and established the appropriate boundaries with her and made it very clear that I am an internet friend, not an irl friend or an educator, but if no one else was going to give her information that wasn't actively harmful then fuck, I guess SOMEONE had to do it. I could not in good conscience watch some kid go through life with harmful inaccuracies about the world and basic human biology when I could have done something about it, y'know?

And the more things I taught her about the real world and how things actually work rather than how her republican bible-thumping rural town said they did, the more I realized she was born into a full-blown cult under the guise of a christian congregation. Oh goody, I had my work cut out for me. I will not get into the details of how messed up this group was because it will be a dead giveaway of where she lives and potentially who she is, but let's just say that one time I said that I appreciated the gesture of praying for me during a stressful week I was having but it didn't really do anything for my mental health because I was an atheist, and she sent me a bunch of bible verses begging me to start believing and said "I just don't want you to go to hell because you're so nice :((" EXCUSE ME??? Another time she said that death was only sad for non-christians because their loved ones were in hell and that proper christians deaths were a good thing because they were in heaven now. Hi, that's the most insensitive death cult shit I've ever heard in my goddamn life.

Okay, set up is done. All of these details will tie in like the world's worst reboot of Pulp Fiction, I prommy.

After a good long while learning about the world from me (which like... a uni kid working night shift security is not exactly an academic source but we take what we can get) and exposure to viewpoints outside of her in-group, Syl began that very painful journey of realizing that what the cult taught you was a lie. Except that she just wasn't grasping that unlearning things was an active process. She started to flip to the opposite side very quickly, but kept all the fundamental brainwashing of the cult that raised her. The concepts were all the same, just slapped a different label on them. This created a noticeable pull between two sides of the same personality: the cult personality, and the person beyond the cult who wanted to break free. Mix that with how fucking 15 years old every 15 year old is, and you have a LETHAL concoction just waiting to blow up at the first sign of a spark.

Remember how I said that Portal was her whole personality? Syl decided that she wanted to be a scientist, and go into an ivy league program like I was in (I was in a SOCIAL science, but sure). Problem was, she didn't have the grades or the ambition, really. I had told her that I still got into an ivy league when I failed math in high school, and she seemed to completely miss the part where I said that I also joined every extra-curricular, then worked for 2 gap years for recognized institutions, and wrote an essay about why my math grade is not relevant to my program. I did it with one bad grade, so she was justified in basically just slacking off and then excusing it with "but its haaarrrdd" when we'd tell her she needs to put the fucking work in NOW if that's what she wants to do.

It quickly derailed from here. Not only was she going to be a scientist, she was going to be like Cave Johnson. And she was going to... replace her body with robot parts so she could be like glados. I don't... think she actually knew what science is, because she would just publically fantasize about running unethical experiments on people in the name of "science," and talk about how one day she wants to basically establish aperture labs for real. All of us who were there kind of agree that we don't think she was joking based on what we knew about her and the cadence of her tone. Here's something she said at the time to give you an idea of what direction she was nosediving in:

This was after a session with her therapist where said therapist said that she definitely has some kind of personality disorder, after which she was weirdly proud of having one and treated it like a badge of honour.

Syl then made a separate group chat for all the best friends she made on the server. There was her, me, @false-pyre, and @imtheaura. She titled it "My Family," despite the fact that we were all adults and she was 15 and she only knew us over a discord half life server where one person in it stepped up to somewhat equip her for real life outside of a cult. Regardless though that GC was more the vibe of a group of friends sharing memes and chatting about the day than the wider server was at the time. The others began to also take on a sort of mentorship role towards her as well, because that's kind of inevitable when you get someone talking about teenager problems in a room full of adults who all made the same mistakes before in their own lives. Well, minus the cult.

And remember how I said that she didn't unlearn any of the cult shit? Well, there was a lot of proselytizing. She decided she wasn't christian for a spell, but still wanted us and everyone to know that jesus was the lord and savior and we had to accept him or we'd burn in hell. Usually said after we'd make some joke about satan being daddy or declaring ourselves god instead, because that is just the type of humor the others and i have with each other. She took it so personally whenever one of us would go "oh my god" "you called?" it was fucking annoying. I lost count of the amount of lectures she gave us, all of which I'd shut down and tell her to get a grip about because I have a big stupid mouth.

The others and I also like to talk about evolution, and speculate about where we're going from here. My fucking god, did she not like that. She bit our heads off about how evolution isn't real and god made everyone as we are and there's no scientific evidence or whatever the hell. Like yeah good luck getting into STEM with that mindset. Whenever we pointed out that she was objectively wrong about that, she'd have a big stupid meltdown about how much we're slandering god and how jesus died for us and we're spitting in his face or whatever. He should spit in MY face inste-*GUNSHOT*

Eventually, we were making some actual progress with her. She was still one fry short of a happy meal and going off about how much she wanted to put living subjects in test tubes in between knocking on our doors and reciting Hello from the Book of Mormon musical, but we were getting somewhere. And then she went back to in person school, and her favourite teacher got fired.

The schoolboard did not say why she got fired, but we all had our suspicions that it was because she openly supported queer rights in a cult town. She was coincidentally retired shortly after making a declaration that queer people are still welcome in god's kingdom. This teacher was the first in person adult Syl had for guidance, so that incident shook her to her core, and she fell right back into the extremism. Hook, line, and sinker, even more extreme than before.

She was WEIRD that week, man. Suddenly everything was about how great god was, how amazing jesus was. Suddenly she understood why her cult member parents "just wanted to protect her" from gay characters on disney+ originals. Suddenly no one could say "jesus christ lol" around her or she'd have a fit. I said "I hate cycle counts lmao i wanna kms" because my then-job (I had graduated at this point) made me do inventory management spontaneously and wouldn't let me go home until I had counted every product in the store, and she bit my head off accusing me of turning suicide into a joke.

It was that incident that made us tell her to knock it off already, that we understood it was a hard week for her and she was in a period of grief, but that is no excuse for how she had been acting towards everyone around her that wasnt christian, and that she was actively relapsing. I'll let the exchange speak for itself:

So uh. After years of helping Syl through this she goes and pulls this bullshit. And then has the fucking AUDACITY to act like nothing ever happened in the wider server. I am genuinely gobsmacked by the balls on her to act like it was all sunshine and rainbows in the wider server after sending this and immediately leaving the same GC SHE made and titled "My Family" just because we told her to stop acting like a goddamn Jonestown citizen after all the work we'd put in to get her out of that mentality at this point.

So I dragged her up in front of everyone and essentially said "no, nuh uh, you don't get to say that shit to the people who have lost sleep and asked for nothing in return trying to help you escape a cult over the last 2 years and then act like we're all buddy buddy to everybody else. You don't get to be that arrogant and self-righteous without any consequences. I don't give a fuck how young you are, you DON'T treat the people who have helped you this much like that, you selfish little shit. How dare you treat us like this after all we've done for you over the years."

Unfortunately, no one involved had surviving screenshots of this, but they can back me up on it if they so choose. And oh boy, DID she face the consequences of her own actions. The whole server basically turned their heads and went "what the FUCK is wrong with you, Syl??" and asked her to at least like, apologize. She proceeded to double down with the added audacity of "you guys taught me how to establish healthy boundaries, that's all I'm doing right now :(( oh woe is me :(((" like WOW, okay. Someone's really going for the persecution complex.

Here's her last goodbye to us all before the mass block fest occured:

Oh, boohoo. You're so hard done by. You spat in the faces of everyone who stayed up all night multiple times helping you through crises and spent the last 2 years teaching you about how the world really worked and then they asked you to apologize after you tried to escape accountability. You truly are god's strongest soldier, the most persecuted minority in the world. Let me play you an ode to how righteous and holy you are and how this was the most important hill to sacrifice all your outsider friendships on on the world's smallest violin.

Syl then went on to post on her roleplay blog that she "was banned because I spoke up for what was right, and they didn't like that" before deleting it. Truly no one has suffered as much as you.

Anyway, the day after that went down, I called in from work, bought this book, and read the whole thing purely out of spite:

It was greatly therapeutic. After that incident, I vowed to never sanitize my own atheistic beliefs for the benefit of others again. If they don't like them, they don't have to talk to me. But I am not changing them for other people or keeping them quiet just to spare your feelings anymore, I have as much a right to my beliefs as anyone else does, including the world's most persecuted minority here.

And well, the silica gel incident?

There was one incident, during the height of Syl's "I am the irl cave johnson and only want to get into STEM to conduct unethical experiments on people. follow jesus" era, the rest of us were joking about how silica gel packets are the ultimate forbidden snack, and said "haha would eating it make you see shrimp colours" knowing full well it can kill you.

Syl proceeded to actually eat a silica gel packet and then send in "it has a sandy texture and tastes bad" prompting the rest of us to go "WE WERE FUCKING JOKING FIND YOUR POISON CONTROL HOTLINE RIGHT NOW"

And because i didnt get this done until now, I'll tag everyone who said they wanted to read this or expressed interest: @captainjonnitkessler @formydarlingtoread @cra-zwizard @chasingnightrainbows

[deathsbestgirl]

so i recently rewatched all things, what are your thoughts on that episode?

OOF. i love everything about all things.

i've written about it a few times, i think mostly in relation to other episodes, if you go through my all things tag, you'll find them along with a few from other people.

mostly, i love that this episode is as much about faith as so many others. but scully branches out -- i know some others take issue with this for whatever reasons, but i think it's a testament to scully's open mind and her view & respect for religion/faith. in my mind, it's like in the alchemist by paulo coelho (sorry i am so annoying about this book lol) where the main character views other religions as fake and by the end, god & allah are one in the same. i think that's a journey or belief that makes complete sense for scully.

so i put all things on just for this after annoying my wife & roomie all day with season two and three lol (hence one breath & paper clip mentions)

opening voiceover:

Time passes in moments ... moments which, rushing past define the path of a life just as surely as they lead towards its end. How rarely do we stop to examine that path, to see the reasons why all things happen, to consider whether the path we take in life is our own making or simply one into which we drift with eyes closed.

But what if we could stop, pause to take stock of each precious moment before it passes? Might we then see the endless forks in the road that have shaped a life? And, seeing those choices, choose another path?

i love fate vs choice in this show. i just watched paper clip where mulder tells scully "i don't think this about justice...i think it's about fate" -- about these terrible losses they've suffered and where it's going to lead them. these things that have been done to them, happened to them against their will. it's something they consistently struggle with. in christmas carol, scully dreams a memory with melissa where scully tells her "i don't believe in fate. i believe we make our own path." so much of this conversation is echoed back in this episode. scully has every word spoken by her favorite people running through her mind, waiting to understand and pull them out to share with mulder. she does it with ahab, mulder and melissa. like in paper hearts, scully quotes mulder himself back to him about dreams. here, she's contemplating fate & choices. the paths she may have walked if she chose differently, and what her choices mean. it isn't the life her parents would have chosen for her, and in some ways, it is not the life she wanted, but they were always the choices she was going to make.

as much i love the whole episode, the first and last scenes are the most impactful to me, at least character and relationship wise. everything between is how she finally got there, how she finally embraced the lesson melissa tried to instill her. (it also reminds me of the blessing way, when melissa urges scullys to try regression therapy. scully goes, but she flees and doesn't go back until patient x/the red and the black. when mulder is struggling with his own path, and she can't move forward with him without her memories. after cancer, after emily. scully learns this lesson, but from both melissa & mulder. i love that it's when mulder is backtracking. it's this balance game they play because their roles are necessary, and they are two sides of the same coin. yin and yang.)

there's also something to do every time the words "all things" are used. it's in scully's opening voice over, and caollenn says it to scully when she goes to pick up the files for mulder.

There is a greater intelligence in all things. Accidents-- or near accidents-- often remind us that we need to keep our mind open to the lessons it gives.

colleen feels like someone melissa sent to scully. the blonde woman guiding scully, to colleen, to mulder, to an open mind & other faiths.

scully is initially dismissive of colleen's work, but something about colleen's words stuck with her and she goes back. colleen talks about choices and being true to yourself and "the signs along the way."

what i love is i believe scully actually did this, and this episode is kind of about realizing that? she went to med school because it felt right, and when it started to feel wrong, she joined the fbi because that's what her entire being was telling her. it may have looked & seemed & felt wrong to others, but as melissa tells her, it isn't their life. scully is the one who has to live the path she chose. struggling with our choices is a normal part of life and scully's have had some big consequences for her and her loved ones. but what other choice could she make? they were right for her, and she can't control everything. she couldn't have stopped anything because it was never her fault. something both her & mulder grapple with.

i love when she tells daniel he needs to deal with his choices. she didn't make him do anything, in fact she left because it's what she believed was right. he decided to blow up his family and couldn't deal with the ways he hurt them (familiar, isn't it? i think a running theme in this show).

scully has her vision in a buddhist temple, as mulder puts it, she talks to god and it leads her down an alternative path to help daniel, thanks to her conversation with colleen. and colleen actually helps connect with her someone. i absolutely adore this scene because it mirrors melissa & mulder meeting in one breath. mulder struggled with melissa's beliefs, even as they're similar in some ways. the same as scully struggles with them, similar to the ways scully & mulder struggle with each other's beliefs (or maybe, more accurately, when they step out of their skeptic/believer roles).

it's interesting to me, how daniel seems to belittle anything that isn't medicine in helping someone heal. it doesn't seem to reflect scully's beliefs as a doctor. "imagine a miracle and you're halfway there." something about a commitment to quality of life and honoring the person, not just extending life. it's a gift she gives to daniel, this understanding of life and people. something he wasn't able to extend to her. respect for choice. something mulder & scully always honor for the other. always validating, always helping in any way they can. always supportive even if they don't agree. always listening despite disagreement or disbelief. always taking the other seriously as no one else has ever done for them.

ultimately, mulder comes looking for scully and they go back to his place to drink some tea and talk about her revelations. to philosophize about choice and fate, and how maybe it's kind of the same thing. they had choice, but there was always only one choice.

[empty-blog-for-lurking]

TSV chapter 8- aka Just Some Guy (a corporate lady) has a really fucking Weird day

I feel so bad for Paige, like imagine you are having a breakdown and run away to get away from your shitty workplace (after your bosses literally sacrifice your friend and other coworkers to make a grotesque god), only to get kidnapped and have your corporate car stolen by two cultists who are fighting like children and how your shitty parents did. And then they break into this house and turns out the previous owner was a painter and also may have been worshipping the same God these two fuckers did. Also you get attacked by a crab monster. Like what do you even do?

Another thing is like, this probably has been already talked about extensively by multiple people, but Carpenter's and Faulkner's relationship with their faith and how to goes into their relationship with each other needs to be studied under a microscope cause. Holy shit. Carpenter does believe and have faith in Trawlerman but she also seems to be selfish with it? Or atleast that's the vibe I got from her in chapter 4. She doesn't want anything to do with the Parish or the rituals or even share the moment of worship with Faulkner. And while she has wished that the Trawlerman drowns the world (or atleast used to) she didn't want the entire flesh twisting thing to be his only trait. (I could be wrong! I could be reading it wrong! I could be wrong because there's lore I don't know about yet! I could be wrong!)

Faulkner on the other hand is, as Carpenter put it, a fanatic. He is all about those rituals! Those verses! The Parish! Everything to do with Trawlerman! He is extremely cruel to the people he believes are the enemies of the faith but also believes that the parish and the cult would offer him kinship and family he desperately carves. He attaches his entire identity, his sense of self-worth, to not only the religion but also the devotees of said religion, and his entire thing with him being the 'prophet'

And all of that is shown in this chapter and most likely would be explored even further. And I am going to be honest I don't buy it that Faulkner is the chosen prophet? Like first of all it feels too on the nose?? Like this seems like the type of detail that would be used to shatter his worldview to give him development.

I think, and this might be just my bias speaking, but to me Carpenter is more likely the ~Prophet~ if there's going to be one? Idk it feels like Carpenter is the 'true devotee' considering she seems only loyal to the Trawlerman, and she has this entire 'It eez what it eez' thing going on whenever she needs divine intervention and curveballs in her life

Meanwhile Faulkner has too many expectations to all of this and too much of his identity on perfection and community and him being the Prophet over. Well the Trawlerman. Like he is still absolutely devoted to him but I wonder if it would last if the miracles don't happen and he is not his god's special little boy. I am not sure if I am making sense.

Then again this is the world where the divinity arises because of the worship and belief and just talking about it too much so who knows. (Again new listener, I could be wrong, I probably am wrong)

Anywayssss again another great chapter!! Roake was kind of a mood when it comes to being an artist cause no one would just let you Be

[koolkat9]

That is honestly the perfect way to describe Ludwig lmao

Thank you. I've was thinking about it all day yesterday actually. And before I begin, I do not want people to take this as ger//ita bashing. I'm not really into the ship but I do think at least Ludwig was in love with Feli at some point and I love exploring the toxic side of their potential romance.

Anyway. Perhaps this toxic mindset about love and taking acts of service too far was rooted in him from a young age. A kind of generational trauma if you will passed down from Gilbert due to his time as a religious order. This is getting into projection territory, but that's how I come up with good ideas lol. I sometimes wonder if I am such a people pleaser, unable to speak up for myself and/or say no because I was religious and because they promote a degree of unselfishness that can become unhealthy. Being "Christ-like" requires some form of sacrifice after all. Put those around you before your self for that is how you serve God and get into Heaven. Even though I don't think Ludwig was ever that religious (and that Gil started deconstructing his religion when Lud popped up so it only indirectly influenced his parenting) the idea of love requiring sacrifice and love and care being shown by putting others above yourself always still got rooted in him.

Then you got Feli. Though a bit of a ditz and oblivious, I am a firm believer he isn't as stupid as he presents himself to be. After all, we see him be quite capable, specifically when he was a child. I always loved the headcanon that Feli has abandonment and attachment issues so he acts completely helpless in a attempt to not be left behind again.

With both these trauma responses put together probably won't result in the healthiest relationship. Ludwig give give giving and Feli take take taking because neither knows better and do it to protect themselves. Going a long this line it probably causes issues in their friendship but I think it reaches its climax if they get into a romantic relationship and thus get even more involved in each other's lives. It eventually leads to them breaking up and distancing themselves from each other for a bit.

It is this break that makes them reconsider a lot of things. Ludwig allows himself to explore other romantic options. He had many crushes alongside his crush on Feli, but he had been holding out, hoping Feli felt the same way. By exploring a new relationship or two, he starts to realize that maybe he was giving too much. Thinking too much about Feli and not enough about himself. He learns to love in a more healthy way like that post that tag is from said.

Feli also realizes that maybe the whole helpless act went a little too far. He did what he always did to keep people close and yet Ludwig still left him. One of the people he loved most left him. He spends weeks in reflection. Maybe spends some time with Kiku who puts things in perspective for him since he was an outsider looking in to Feli and Lud's relationship. As an itapan shipper maybe it leads to itapan with Kiku being a grounding force for Feli, but doesn't let him get away with shit. But also Feli may need a bit of a break from serious romances until he finishes processing his trauma. Choose your own ending there.

As much as I don't care for ger//ita as a wholesome end game romance, I do love their friendship every much. So once both heal a bit, Feli and Lud come back together with a friendship stronger than ever, supporting each other in their healing journey and new relationships.

[vacantgodling]

Happy WBW! I know you are essentially making your own language and that is super cool and impressive. Both you and @weirdgirlcroix good job. Have you ever made a fantasy religion? Does it tie in with your language stuff at all?

oh dude, fantasy religions are one of my Favorite things to create. many many of my wips have religions; paramour has The Three Divines, tcol has their actual deities that exist and can alter the world (the pantheon itself doesn't have a name, and tbh i should think of one now that i'm thinking about it -- but here's a link that kinda explains major players) -- and technically since paramour's story and world is connected with several of my other wips (like ph, alizath, etc) they're also at some point gonna get some religious shit going on lol.

bc as much as i am not a fan of religion irl, i think it is So interesting in fantasy lol

BUT since we're talking about language specifically, since the only real lang i got going on rn is dzonime'si in ph, i'll talk about that.

the khayen'ni people (aka the people of ph), believe in beings (or concepts) known as Affinities. it's hard to describe what affinities are because their very nature is very unknowable but they are something like deities and nature spirits but also actual forces of nature all rolled together. they hold influence over many of the things that are day to day in the khayen'ni people's world. the main reason the southern tribes succeeded from the northern tribes is because what would become the northern band viewed the ability to (essentially) do magic as the Affinities themselves blessing certain people with a portion of their power. but what would become the southern tribes viewed it has heretical to even ASSUME you could hold any of the same power as the affinities, and this actually plays into their concept of higher and lower gender

in their society (the southern tribes) you have to be gendered. and this is based on what time you were born, not the genitals. this affects their language as words like khin (meaning parent) have a variation for each: khindo for father and khinko for mother; but also how naming operates. names that end in 'ko' are lower feminine and 'do' are lower masculine; meanwhile names that begin in 'kori' and 'dori' are higher feminine and higher masculine.

meanwhile in the north, people actually name their children aspects of affinities which is like smaller bouts of magic that siphon off from the affinities tm. examples like gin (the stillness of the dark), his father demon-geke (the brightness of the morning rays), and some of gin's close warriors ngimin, chamin, and mamin (tepid, warm, and cool breeze respectively) all are influenced by this. and they tend to use adjectives to differentiate one another instead of making long sentence names like the southern tribes do.

as i build the lang more this'll get more entangled probably but i hope that makes sense!

[olderthannetfic]

I see people is still sharing about "cultural religion" and I thought I could share this.

I grew up mostly atheist/cultural catholic, in one of the most catholic countries, but even if I was baptized I didn't know a thing. Many family members have chosen to do the "rites" only because it looks better for the social commitment. Meaning the big party. But this is not what I wanted to share.

So I have a career as an artist, and once, in a college/university summit, we got to meet some very amazing artists and their work, and even if you don't want to, Religion is a hugeeee important bit of the history of art. So you have to know the religious icons, representations, signs and codes. Artists are using them all the time in contemporary art, and if you want to understand you have to know how to read them and what they are referencing. Which means knowing about the bible and its stories.

So I was there, nodding along with the speaker and awed by his art, when suddenly this first-year, first-semester girl asks for the mic.

I have to remark how important this meeting and summit was, that the rector/director/ headmasters and other academic big deals were in attendance. So she stands up and begins to tell everyone that this is wrong.

That she didn't come to have a higher education to be "indoctrinated" in religion. Then she goes on and on about the evil religion she is being forced to learn. And were are all there, my peers and teachers and we are all cringing in horror. She says that the university should be a safe space to learn philosophy and sciences, and not ignorant beliefs.

So this old artist with an amazing career, having her art exposed all over the world, new york, and yara, yara, yara, places where art is a thing and not this bumfuck art faculty, and she absolutely destroyed the girl. She mopped the floor with her, she might as well put her on the soles of her shoes. She wiped her....with her.

If I were that girl, I would totally drop out in shame, like you don't just lecture people who are not only wiser than you, but also more academically prepared than you, just because you hate that your parents forced you to go to church when you were a child.

You don't need to believe in it, you don't have to like it, but it's so ignorant to just hate it and try to pretend it's not culturally important in some fields of study. And also try to pretend that it didn't exist or that is part of the western world. Whatever hatred it gets now, its probably due to the behaviors of some religious people or groups, am not saying is right, but it's so silly to blend it all together as the same satanic evil... (haha see what I did, I just made a cultural reference, if you don't know Judeo-Christian religions, then you wouldn't know what "evil" is).

For me being an atheist doesn't necessarily mean you hate religion. It only means I don't believe in it. Having no faith, and not doing any kind of rite. But I can read the bible with no problem.

--

Watching professors who teach 19thC lit try to cope with my cohort of entirely religiously ignorant classmates was hilarious. They were completely unprepared for how we knew absolutely nothing.

[uptoolateart]

Going through old post drafts before the next episode airs. This is a bunch of musings I had about Kagami, working on the assumption that she's a sentimonster.

First of all, after Perfection I really wondered when Kagami was made. If you know the answer based on spoilers, please don't tell me, because I'm watching in order.

But imagine if it was shortly before that fencing lesson in Riposte. It always struck me as strange that Adrien had never heard of her before. She was meant to be so renowned - and Tomoe has business connections with Gabriel.

And she wasn't introduced to Adrien in a normal way. She was sent into that lesson, masked, with a mission to compete with him. When she lost (or maybe didn't), she rang up Tomoe and told her she'd failed, indicating that there was a very specific purpose to that meeting.

I know Adrien viewed her Wikipedia page in that episode, but her mother / Gabriel could have easily set that up and invented a history for her. She could have literally been 'born yesterday'.

And now we move onto her name. I've pointed out a number of times that it's the Japanese word for 'mirror'. Previously I said she acts as a mirror for Adrien, as they have a lot in common and she often helps him reflect on himself.

But...her name has also been a glaring clue ever since her debut on the show, because she could be seen as a mirror for her mother. Tomoe is one of those parents who wants to live vicariously through her daughter. Taking God complexes to the extreme, she sort of made Kagami in her own image, forcing her to take up her interests and live up to her standards.

Kagami wanted to be an artist and Tomoe wouldn't allow it. That would be way too much self-expression. Any chance of asserting independent personality is thwarted. You know...like Gabriel does to Adrien. We all know Gabriel has a God complex.

What really got me about Perfection was the concept of nothingness Kagami expressed when akumatised. In a hint at her cultural background, she sort of became pure energy, formless. It was really Zen in concept.

For those who don't know, some key principles of Zen philosophy are:

Denial of the ego (Kagami achieves this through relinquishing her physical body)

Everything in the universe is interconnected (I think this was expressed through Kagami embodying the elements)

Attachment is a key source of suffering (Kagami renounced friendship, as it caused her too much pain)

Human perception is flawed (Kagami gained the power to no longer hear or see anyone, allowing her to filter out distractions and achieve greater objective clarity...or so she claimed)

Kagami ruminates that in her non-corporeal state she has given up all fear. She no longer worries about disappointing her mother or Marinette. 'Everything is so calm now. So peaceful. So...perfect.'

Perfection is a standard Kagami and Adrien are both held to. But perfection is also repeatedly linked with blankness. Staying in the context of Eastern beliefs, this blankness is a removal from the material world.

As someone who was originally raised with an Eastern religion, this whole scene struck a nerve in me. There are different ways you can interpret and apply such beliefs to your life. Some use them to enrich their family life. I mean, if you truly believe you are not your body, it stands to reason that you don't really 'own' your daughter. Therefore, you shouldn't control her, instead supporting her as a fellow soul in the journey through life. Ahem, Tomoe.

But I've seen so many people distort these ideas and use them as an excuse to run from their problems and disconnect from others. I've seen people use the 'we are not the body' thing as a reason to walk out on their kids. This is what we see with Kagami when she gives up friendship - potentially beautiful ideas twisted into unhealthy escapism, because Gabriel is in control, manipulating things.

At the same time, if Kagami is a sentimonster, this Zen moment has other implications. We can link it back to Adrien in Wishmaker, when he says his head goes blank every time he tries to think of what he wants - and when he finally realises his childhood dream was to be whatever his parents wanted him to be.

Working on the assumption that Adrien is also a sentimonster (and again, if you know the answer, please don't tell me, but...it just seems so obvious that he is one)...he and Kagami are both blank canvases for their parents to paint on. The second half of Perfection was chilling - because sentimonster theory aside, there are plenty of real parents who treat real children this way.

The good thing is that if you're a blank slate, you just need to take back the paintbrush and then you get to make whatever picture you want. Kagami and Adrien have the power to be whoever they want to be - just like we all do, no matter who tries to dictate who we are. Go on, Kagami - be the artist you want to be. Write a manga.

As an aside, if that ring Kagami wears holds her amok, it's interesting that she's allowed to wear it. Gabriel doesn't let Adrien wear his ring, because that would give Adrien too much self-control. In a strange way, Tomoe seems to have given her daughter a bit more personal freedom. And given her action against Gabriel at the end of Perfection, Tomoe also seems to care about her child more. I still don't think she's winning Mother of the Year, but...well, I guess when you're being compared to Gabriel, you'll always come out looking better.

As ever, I feel like there are a million other things I could add to this, but it's already long enough. Please no post-Perfection spoilers in the comments :)

[wikiangela]

wip wednesday

I wasn't gonna post anything until I get back from my vacation but I'm reading the prequel to "they both die at the end" and it prompted an idea of a little crossover sad fic with a tragic mcd ending and I'm gonna break my own heart with this one for sure 😂 (@thebravebitch said what I have so far is good and I trust her judgment lol ❤️)

so here's a little snippet I wrote on my phone bc I couldn't help myself and wait a few days 😂

______

His phone ringing wakes him up. At first he's confused, not registering it's his phone, since it's not even his ringtone. It takes him a few seconds to recognize it, and when he does, he looks at his phone and freezes, the words "DEATH-CAST" showing up as the caller ID.

He doesn't panic. When he answers the call, they'll tell him he's going to die in the next twenty four hours - or, twenty two hours, since it's after 2am already, they took their time to deliver this news. But he doesn't panic, he doesn't worry, he just freezes, and wonders if he should answer the call at all. After all, he's not even sure he believes in this whole damn thing.

One thing he does know is that no one will even try to convince him that he's going to die soon. They don't know shit.

*

It's not a new information that Eddie Diaz is what can be classified as a skeptic. He's not a believer in supernatural forces, magic, jinxes, ghosts, lately he even struggles with religion, despite his abuela's best efforts. Everyone in his life is aware of that.

So when this dude showed up out of nowhere claiming he can predict when people are gonna die, with no details or explanation, and give them one last day to sort out their affairs and say goodbye - Eddie called bullshit. He wasn't about to spend money on the off chance that they'll let him know when he's about to die. With being in the army, shot at every day, and even now with being a firefighter, he's aware of his own mortality more than your average person, he's already had more brushes with death than most people.

But he bought the subscription anyway, for his whole family. He had his parents, his abuela, his tía, and his wife trying to convince him, and they didn't succeed - he still thinks it's bullshit - but at least that got them to shut up about it. So, since then they spent thousands every year on subscribtions to this dumb service for himself, Shannon, and Christopher, and it was a waste of money, in Eddie's opinion.

And then, shortly after he moved to LA with his son, when he reconnected with his estranged wife, trying to see where this would go, but no matter what, his son was getting his mom back, and things were starting to look up again - Shannon got the call.

Eddie didn't belive it, but she did, and she decided to live this day like it's her last - which it ended up being, after all, but Eddie's still not sure if it wasn't some freak coincident.

That's what he's trying to tell her, when she's asking for a divorce that they don't have time to get finalized before he becomes a widower. She looks at him over the table in the little café they met, and there's nothing but peaceful acceptance, mixed with a bit of sorrowful regret for what she'll miss, in her eyes.

"Please make sure Christopher remembers I love him. I loved him, and I'll continue to love him from wherever we go after." she says with feeling, but at the same time she's almost casual about it. As if the prospect of dying within who knows how many hours wasn't a big deal. As if the only big deal is leaving her child once again, this time permanently.

Eddie can't take this. He won't believe this.

He still has trouble believing when he arrives on a call to a car accident later, and sees Shannon lying there on the street. Logically, he knows it makes sense, there's been a lot of people he's heard about who got the call and died, there's no reason not to believe it. But there's also not a lot of reasons to believe it, it might all just be a coincidence. Eddie's not about lose Shannon. Chris is not about to lose his mom. It's not fair. And he can't help blaming the stupid Death-Cast program.

____

No pressure tags (I'm on vacation and I'm barely on here so I really have no idea who already did it lmao) @panbuckley @honestlydarkprincess @jamietarts @shortsighted-owl @elvensorceress @translasso @alyxmastershipper @silentxxsoul @mrevanbuckley @buck-tartt

[about-rock]

Ville Valo - religions and beliefs - atheism, christianity, satanism

Why would anybody care about some rockstar’s religion? Therefore there’s Ville Valo. Used so many symbols and did so many references to it. That’s why I think it’s a topic to talk about- it might get interesting.

He wasn’t growing in a religious family, in a religious country, so to these days it’s not the topic of his life.

,,Even at school I studied ethics instead of religion.”

,,I wasn't baptized when I was born. My parents thought that if I wanted to believe, started believing, or wanted to be a part of a church, religion, or movement, I could make that choice for myself. “

Satanist stuff

But just at the beginning of HIM he used so many symbols, devil’s symbols such as 666 and the name of the band.

Ville has been always assuring us, that these are only symbols that he used more for fun and reference and because of his big fan of Iron Maiden and Black Sabbath.

,,Our song ‘Your Sweet 666’ is more of a tribute to Led Zeppelin and Iron Maiden’s ‘The Number of The Beast’ than to something actually evil.”

,,I’m immensely proud of the Heartagram. People having tattoos of it... it’s amazing. It’s not a symbol - it’s a movement. I love religious symbolism..”

Also name of the band (his infernal majesty) wasn’t taken directly from Antony Lavey books but from one of his favorite song back then- as he said in interview from nowadays, telling he is not sure still about origin of the name.

Clearly he’s not, more than 8 years ago he said:

The name Him came from Helsinki ice-hockey maniacs and it was our protest to Haile Selassie's rastafarian religion, he used to be called His Imperial Majesty..but nowadays because of Linde's hair, we actually might be supporting him.

After all it seems that name of the band has nothing with devil worship or something like that- it was more like playing fun with it- back then in 90s Sweden, Finland and Norwegia were the most black metal satanic bands in the world. It’s pretty obvious it got some influence at that time on Ville, that’s why he used some symbol with with but never seriously and as he said: all this stuff what satanist made was stupid for him[about burning churches].

“But I’ve always been laughing that, maybe it makes all the sense in the world for Fins to create metal – the headbanging keeps us warm. You know, it gets terribly cold in the winter. So it makes all the sense in the world that that would be the reason. That’s also probably why the Norwegians burned the churches. It’s nothing to do with Satanism, but they were cold.”

Ville could not be a satanist: he’s song is never about devil and he hates posture of satanist,here a simple example:

,,I hate Nazis”

(Which is typical for devil’s followers)

Topic about Ville being satanist we can close up by his own words:

,,Record companies are devil worshippers - not us.”

and,

,,I don’t believe in Satan or Satanism or the Christian dogma or Islamic or whatever.”

So he is an atheist?-not exactly.

Atheist?Christian?

He never said that he don’t believe in God, such as he said he that he don’t believe in satan.

Ville don’t believe in Christian dogma, but it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t believe in God. It’s also seems that he is more anti-religious traditions more than a whole point of it.

"I am not anti-religion, I am anti-assholes and, unfortunately, in the religious realm, there are a lot of assholes."

There are many proves in press that he got quite big experience with Christianity.

from 2010:

“I read the Bible every day,” he says, grinning impishly as he switches the light on in his bathroom to reveal he’s wallpapered it with pages ripped from a King James edition.

Some days,” he says, giggling, “I read it twice.”

from 2010, also about wallpaper in toilet:

"But you've never read [the bible]?"

"I read it every time I take a shit"

Well, is it profanation, approach to the Christian religion some kind of joke? Probably the same as with Satanism, Christianity is not important to him- he do some fun with it only. Also, I think that this ,,wallpaper” kind of think was

more like a ,,drunk Ville” idea who don’t give a shit, now, I’m pretty sure, he wouldn’t do that. But about today’s Ville will be later.

But on the other side:

,,My maxim to the young people is: "Don't kill"”

Just like from Bible, maybe he really read it and liked some of it. Clearly not everything, that’s why he does not represent as a Christian.

,,I believe in God for the sake of orphan kids”

I wonder, rather it was sarcasm or more like his another thing he actually agree in religions.

,,My idea of heaven is a bit unusual...”

Does that prove Ville believes in an afterlife( from the Christian religion)?It seems like that for sure.

Oh, here’s another about Heaven:

,,But we all like sleeping, chess, the Adam's Family, we prefer night to day, Halloween to Christmas, weddings to funerals, X-Files to Friends, Abba to the Cure and Heaven to Hell because we all want to go there”

It's very hard for me to deduce in what realities Ville lives because he believes in Christian heaven and hell, but he doesn't bring himself to the most important holiday for Christians-ok, I said it too bluntly and to be honest after this statement you can expect not 100% sincerity.

Another thing that can’t be unsaid: Jesus and Ville. Ville quite often talk about him, really.

,,I’ve crossed oceans of wine” is probably one of not many(or only one) song by HIM which there’s something about Christianity.

,, We're so Christlike”~ I’ve crossed oceans of wine

In my interpretation, he used the motif of Jesus here as a sacrifice up to death. This motif fits very well with his concept of music - death and love. Maybe that’s why he used to wear Jesus on t-shirts and belts, crusader? Probably yes, it’s not like he believes in it, he just like more his story.

"Ozzy is after all an icon to me in the same way as Jesus, Motörhead’s Lemmy”

Here’s perfect proof, 666 and Jesus just an icon, symbol for his art.

What today’s Ville Valo on all of this religious stuff?The Answer

,,I believe in friendship, life, love, music, food, but I don't have any religion that I follow.”

,,[..]still didn't find what I'm looking for.”

For me it seems he is more like a person who believes in what he sees, sometimes he believes in Heaven, sometimes not, sometimes in God, sometimes not- for sure never in Satan since he has always used to be an opposite of it. What I could say as a…Christian- Ville mixes up in himself everything what he think is right- sometimes from Bible, sometimes,more often, from live experiences.

,, I think life is all about good manners. You should open up doors for ladies and you should say ‘thank you.’ You should not swear and you should not spit. That’s what my parents told me and that’s what I’m trying to do. It’s brought me this far.”

Ville just does what he thinks is moral and good, you can see it from the man he is now - it's probably the type of person who thinks that this is the most important thing in life and the settlement after death, if it exists at all, will decide.

Ville never grew up in family, with any beliefs like most Finns, so it's no wonder he doesn’t attach much importance to it like the rest of Europe, and treat it more as a culture.

[voskhozhdeniye]

My mother was a teacher's assistant. After school, while waiting for her to finish her after-school responsibilities, I'd hear her and the other teachers gossip about teachers, students, news, and pop culture. The thought occurred to me the other day. I wondered what the other teachers thought of her?

I know my parent's religion is a cult, but I always find myself going it's not a "CULT" cult. I know being raised in it did some damage to me, but my days of analyzing it have thinned out.

They don't do holidays. Easter is the only holiday that gets any acknowledgment, and it's strictly viewed through a biblical lens. No Easter Bunny, no egg hunts, we are celebrating the rise of Christ.

No, they don't acknowledge Christmas, and you don't celebrate your own birthday. 30 was my first and only birthday cake.

There are many different examples of this that can come up, but I'm going to choose the one I remember the most.

Because we don't celebrate holidays or celebrate them in the same way as those who are not, "in the truth," we do not participate in "worldly" celebrations.

So, when a holiday came up, I was not allowed to do class work that used the holiday to educate. I had to be given alternative work.

Now I must be honest, part of me also enjoys this. I see the holidays as the capitalistic bullshit they are, but that's not the point.

The two exclusions I remember most were not being able to give or receive valentines on Valentine's Day and not being able to join in dancing to The Monster Mash around Halloween. I couldn't learn Christmas songs on the recorder, but I never really cared about that.

These ideas were also enforced at home, of course. I've talked on here about my fight to watch Pokemon as a kid, and so on. My parents still believe TV can infect you with demons.

I was thinking about it this morning. There's a post on the blog somewhere that talks about how cults operate. One of the main talking points is separating your followers from identifying with people outside the cult.

Did you notice how I spoke about those who aren't in it? They aren't "in the truth." They're considered, "worldly." You don't want to associate with the world. Associating with the world will bar you from reaching god's paradise.

I've talked on here for years about how I've always felt "outside."

I'm beginning to realize this is the intentional result of being raised in a cult.

My rejection of the cult has left me in no man's land. An outsider everywhere. I enjoy being an outsider of the cult, but the feeling following everywhere has taken its toll.

I've hated myself for so long. Intentionally destroyed myself for so long because of how paralyzed I've felt by this. I've hated how it feels like I'm the only person dealing with these feelings. I know it isn't true. I read y'all blogs. But I am chained to this. The white hot anger I've felt through the years when people dismissed my inability to overcome this mountain.

More and more, I feel like recovery from this is unattainable at this point in the world. There are too many external struggles occurring to truly deal with internal struggles in their full scope.

As I read this back, I realized this may come off as a suicide note. It is not! I'm just going through a reappraisal.

Thinking about how my mother couldn't stand the first noticeably gay male teacher the school got. She blocked me from being instructed by him. I doubt I knew what gay was at that time. I do remember finding the way his masculinity contrasted with the other male teachers fascinating.

Looking back, my fifth grade language arts teacher was most likely a lesbian. I loved her. She'd die before putting on makeup. Each wrinkle was hard fought for. She had to be in her late sixties or early seventies.

She was able to get me placed in an advanced reading program. They read us the first Harry Potter book in the class. She made sure my parents didn't find out what we were reading, and I had the best school attendance in my life.

I never became a Harry Potter fan beyond that class. My one high school friend took me to see Half-Blood Prince. I think I pissed him off. I guessed the "twist" five minutes in and criticized it for being juvenile. 🫠

(Looked it up, 2009, I was 20. I was already a snob by then.)

It's going on thirty years now, and that little act of indulging a child's imagination in the face of massive repression is the coolest thing anyone has ever done for me.

Love how the queer people my mother hated actually recognized my humanity.

Also, I wouldn't put a suicide note under a read more. I'm a vain bitch. I'm pinning that mother fucker.

[bish-plz-haha]

SPOILERS AHEAD

I have many thoughts about GO(2) and I need to sort them all out (in no particular order) and I'm reading through tumblr and everything else and I got so many thoughts and theories I've seen that I absolutely love and I want to list them all (if I can find corresponding posts, I will link them—Sorry in advance for the amount of links in this post: read at your own will). So, without further ado:

There's a lot of theories out there about who Angel Crowley™️ might be but I think my money is on Lucifer. Perhaps Samael, maybe Raphael, but my heart says Lucifer. In a way, though, I kinda hope that we dont get his God Given name because, as a nonbinary/trans leaning person, it makes me happy that he chose a name for himself instead of living with his given name.

"Class-A surreptitious miracle." In which, its actually not surreptitious because, as much as they tried to make it the most fractional, insubstantial miracle, it was powerful enough to bring back the dead 25x over, and I think it definitely scared The Metatron (dick) enough to want to see to it personlly that they were separated- "a miracle only the mightiest of Archangels could have performed" Shax said (which also adds to the Lucifer theory to me tbh).

Crowley knows how evil heaven actually is. But he doesn't give Aziraphale this information. I think in fear of hurting his angel. But this lack of information is what also helped Zira make his decision to go back to heaven. Which also leads me into saying that for his overall character arc through s1 & s2, this ending makes a lot of sense for Zira. Especially because he doesnt have all the information that Crowley has. If Crowley had told him what he knows, I think it might've been a different outcome.

Beelzebub is like, "hey, if you can find my husband (which no one knows until that ending [I've been crying for years]), I'll give you anything you want; you can be a prince run Hell" and Crowley is like, "no thanks, I got my husband, his bookshop and my car and plants. I'm happy thanks." (Which is kinda a lie).

Also, the way everyone refers to Beez so easily as They. I am so delighted that a large piece of media makes they/them pronouns a normal thing and not something that's like, overly questioned/talked about. Its just... normal.

SAME WITH THE GAYS!

Also, the ability to put almost any character in GO on the aro/ace spec and it's probably canon (I personally believe Crowley and Aziraphale are romantic beings with/for each other, but they're both Ace.)

I absolutely am ecstatic that love is love and no one questions that Zira did a "miracle" to make two women fall in love; especially in a series based upon Christianity. I didnt grow up with a religion really, but I love it. I have family that say their Christian's and dont like me so much anymore as I'm gender nonconforming. (Whoops! Not sorry.)

Michael Sheen is king of subtly and micro-expressions and I have seen a post that is talking about it and I would love for it to be true: if you watch, just after Crowley pulls away from the kiss, something changes in Aziraphale's expression, just for a split second, and I would love for it to be them switching places (again) and for Crowley to be going to Heaven and raising a little hell. (Though I know its PROBABLY not true, this theory has so much on it.)

I love how good omens 2 shows us the destruction miscommunication can cause. I think this is why in this day and age, so many people are divorcing. And this show shows it beautifully. Crowley and Aziraphale both say things the other takes in the completely wrong way. But also. I'm gonna cry for years about this divorce (its sadder than when my parents split)

Ty Tennant really showed up to set, said "watch this", basically eyefucked Aziraphale/Michael Sheen, and showed his father how to be a proper gay. And I love it.

Not to mention that Ty Tennant's Grandfather played his father, Job, while his father plays a "gay" demon "trying" to kill him.

"Our car" and "our bookshop".

I love how Nina and Maggie represent Crowley and Aziraphale. But it's not the way you think: it's so misleading. Nina at first glance is Crowley and Maggie is Aziraphale. But that is not true. Its actually the other way around. And here is a post explaining it more.

I'm loving that s1 we see Crowley as a nanny. And s2 brings us Crowley the shoemaker AND a midwife. Its... hilarious??

I love how Good Omens inserts the book, Good Omens, into series 2. Like, break the fourth wall why dont you?

Crowley hasn't fallen from grace as much as he wants people to believe. He lies, yes, but he does so much good. Barely does any "evil" on his own (that's all humans).

"I go along with hell/heaven as far as I can" is such a strong way to describe these two characters actions. Zira does what he thinks is morally right and Crowley just... does his thing. I think Aziraphale didnt want to though (as we see in the minisode of ep2) but after some thousand years, he became okay with it really. Or pretended to himself long enough to believe it himself. Crowley though doesnt give a fuck and doesn't really care if he really followed along in "Hell's plans".

That kiss is so devastating and full of desperation and everything on the side of it. It's also loving. But in the completely wrong way because its Crowley's last-ditch attempt to get Aziraphale to stay—to be with him. To be an Us.

Crackship! Crackship! Crackship! CRACKSHIP!!!!!

ANGEL WITH A WHEELCHAIR!! ANGEL. WITH. A. WHEELCHAIR. ANGEL WITH A WHEELCHAIR. ANGEL WITH A WHEELCHAIR!!!!!!!!!!

[your-mom-friend]

I hope that you’re really not upset with my question, since I’m a Muslim as well, and I genuinely wanted to know what got you into this state, and I’ve been including you in my prayers for the longest time now, especially since I’ve been following you for years.

You’re a kind soul, a caring one, and you’ve suffered a lot in your lifetime as had millions of other children, some that I know personally who endured this type of sexual trauma from priests. I know the anger you experience regarding the abuse, and unfortunately I know it too well that it’s engraved into my bones. But hear me out, won’t you? Give it a last chance this one Ramadan, forget the priest—may he burn in hell for his wrongdoings—and forget the extremists you’ve encountered, just for a while. I promise you that you’ll find all the answers you are looking for when you read the Quran of your own volition, your own will, in your own time, instead of it being forced upon you and down your throat and just being taught the words without explanation. Remember that you are never alone in the struggle, never. The Prophet himself has survived countless hardships, and so many of the Companions—both female and male—have endured the worst torture from their parents and their siblings and their families just for declaring that they are now Muslims—their stories are there for us for a reason, and they’re one of the things that changed my entire worldview. And remember with me, that in Islam, in its core, that we are beings created for Heaven, Jannah, not for eternal existence in Dunya that we cannot survive without suffering, and that this entire world is but a passage and a test, and soon enough it’ll be over once and for all, and your patience and forgiveness and kindness will all be rewarded adequately, and you’d watch those who have wronged you burn in hell for eternity. He, the priest, might be dead now, but he’s being tormented in his grave for what he did, and he’ll be questioned about it on the day of judgement, so fear not, this world is but a temporary stop that we’ll all soon get out of.

I know that at first glance you might think that I’m just trying to coax you back into religion without knowing what I’m speaking of, just like so many have tried to do before, but I’m someone who almost became a complete atheist until two and a half years ago for the same reasons. And there must be a reason why there’s hundreds of thousands of converts to Islam over the past five months, right? So I’m reaching out to you out of love and respect, and that you’ll always be dear to my heart 🤍

Ramadan Mubarak to u, Rem <33

Ramadan Mubarak to you too, darling. I hope you’re able to fulfil all your fasts and that your prayers are answered.

But respectfully, I’m not going to be approaching Islam again. I’ve met no extremists, and if there is a hell then that guy is absolutely there. I carry no doubts over this.

But it seems you didn’t read my last answer. My decision to leave Islam ultimately has little to do with trauma, and more to do with the fact that I don’t believe in a perfect god. I don’t believe in a divine plan. I don’t believe in the core concept of Allah

I’m not looking for answers, I’m happy with my current spiritual outlook. I do good for this world no matter how small and I see it reflected back at me in a million tiny ways, and I can live with that.

I understand how you feel. You as a Muslim have likely grown up hearing that non-Muslims go to hell, that apostasy is one of the greatest crimes there is. To be a Kafir is to guarantee your place in hell, and you genuinely care for me and don’t want me to face that. It’s terrifying to imagine that people you know to be good could go to hell just because they were too prideful to accept Allah into their lives.

But understand, this fear is a contributing factor to why I’ll never go back. How can I believe that Allah is Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim when he will send good people to hell just for not believing in him? By this logic I could do all the good in the world, I could give sadqah every day for the rest of my life, dedicate myself to housing the homeless, and still I’d go to hell because I did these things in the name of helping people and not in the name of Allah

I’m so happy you’re able to find peace within Islam, and I truly, genuinely hope this Ramadan goes well for you. I have wonderfully fond memories of Ramadan, from the energy to the iftars and of Eid, truly, Ramadan Kareem, my friend, and thank you for keeping me in your prayers. May Allah bless you with all that is good for you, Inshallah

But please respect that I will continue to live my life the way I see fit.

Jazakhallah Khair