#so its just. a horrible time all around.
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I think we should fully embrace the idea that when Jason crawled his way out of his grave, he didn’t just come back with scars. He lost part of his voice.
Not like he had much practice talking while he was buried under six feet of dirt, right? And then, they toss him into the Lazarus Pit, and sure, his body’s alive again, but his mind? It’s a mess. Revenge. Anger. Confusion. There’s no room left for casual conversation when all he can think about is what happened to him. He only speaks when he has to, because trying to form words feels like trying to sift through the fog that’s settled in his brain.
But Jason? He still loves to read. Vocabulary isn’t the problem, it’s the act of speaking itself. Sometimes, when he opens his mouth, he swears he can taste the dirt. He can feel the dryness in his throat, like it’s still raw from all the screaming, and suddenly, talking becomes this… unbearable thing. So he stops, because silence is better than remembering.
And even when he does talk? It doesn’t sound like him. It’s not the voice of the boy who used to crack jokes with Bruce or make snarky remarks. There are no voice cracks anymore. There’s nothing familiar. He doesn’t sound like himself. It’s like some stranger stole his voice, and it makes him feel… like a ghost in his own skin.
So yeah, maybe he’ll eventually start talking more often. Maybe he’ll even pretend he’s fine. But I think, deep down, Jason never really got his voice back after the grave.
#jason todd#i need more ppl to talk abt how jason was affected after dying outside of an emotional stance#also something about jason who can't bring himself to use hos voice but he also cant stand the silence#bcs he'll start having ptsd from waking up in his grave#so its just. a horrible time all around.#how would the batfam react?#maybe the only time hes okay with hearing his voice#is when he's reading out loud#maybe his voice sounds like bruce- and so all he hears is bruce reading to him#batfam
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oot zelda doodle i liked :’-)))
#tloz#ocarina of time#oot#zelda#my handwriting is very very bad so i actually added alt text/image description#which i should already be doing with everything anyway. i wanna go thru and update some old stuff with that too#but yeah anyway. all the stuff this series presents about being Fated To Be Something or Fated To End Up Somewhere#even if that thing or place is ultimately Horrible and the consequences primarily occur off camera or post-canon after the Happy Ending#characters who end the story with pretty much nothing and also you find out later they inadvertently cause a far worse disaster#than even the one they gave up everything to prevent#oot zelda’s infinite number of issues and almost guaranteed lack of happiness or normality for the rest of her life#even after ‘fixing everything’ in literally the best possible way she could figure out how. given everything she knew#and then blaming herself for accidentally allowing everything to go wrong in the first place. by trying to fix it#and she was literally just a kid going insane from prophetic visions while simultaneously being disbelieved by everyone around her#except impa but she’s a whole other situation entirely. with a whole other set of baggage on the other end of the spectrum#i just rambled sos so much oops. anyway yea oot zelda#its fine. i throw up when i think about her. its fine
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Jennifer nearly jumped into the water / and she was tired like no one's ever been tired
#myart#wesley crusher#jennifer is on her way home. then she remembers her life is like a nightmare!!!!#geniunelyyyy thinking about the post-first duty years of wesleys life is so miserable.#he killed his best friend and ruined his friendship with everyone else and lost picards respect (the only thing he ever cared about)#and then you just. dont hear about him at all for 2 years.#trying to capture the extremely specific existential dread of knowing something is deeply wrong in your life but not being able to change.#JUST THE LOOK OF A YOUNG MAN WHOS PROFOUNDLY UNHAPPY AND DOESNT EVEN KNOW WHY!!!#the quote from that novel. where he says “jaxa knew better than the rest of us the only way to escape this thing was to die”. ITS SICK!!#like leaving starfleet was not even on his radar until journeys end. he didnt even consider that as an option. so what could he do.#man. theres a reason for the prominently placed golden gate bridge. jennifer nearly jumped into the water.... cuz she got no way to get out#the photos in the bg are him and picard. jack. two of joshie (the ski tripppppp) him and bev and the entire nova squadron up top#do i think he would have his room this nicely decorated while horribly depressed NO!!! it was just for the compostion of the piece#like trying so hard to keep up appearances. being surrounded by pictures of all the people who love him and still not able to get out.#some of the papers lying around the desk are like. intended to be letters to bev that he just gave up on writing.#OKAY sorry i just wanted to finish this before i leave tomorrow. i spent such a stupid amount of time on this. never again#you people should always talk to me forever about my friend wesley . im soooo normal. lies facedown on floor#OH AND THE VERY SPECIFIC. EMOTION. LYING ON BED IN FULL UNIFORM. WE'VE ALLLL BEEN THERE.
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watch my body disintegrate into a pile of ash like a cartoon character who just got struck by a lightning bolt (JOINT PAIN JOINT PAIN JOINT PAIN JOINT PAIN) (just got off work)
#salmon jibberish#god you horribly wipe out on your bike and injure yourself ONE TIME in middle school and suddenly youre inflicted with lifelong knee/joint a#d leg pain 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄#worm lore drop 🔥🔥🔥#can you really call it lore its nothing crazy#i was riding my bike w my friend and their mom and we were on a steep hill and i got scared and braked and flew off my bike and down#the hill#i got to miss like i think a week or two of gym because the scab on my knee was so big i literally couldnt bend it#it'd melt off every time i took a shower too#<- that was probably kinda gross sorry#scabs on both my knees#one was bigger and made my knee unable to bend#and one on the palm of one of my hands that made me unable to bend my thumb#we didnt go to the doctor or anything for it i just didnt do anything for like a week lol#afterward one of my other friends said my knees look weird 💀#<- not mad abt that i just think its funny#me when i yap in the tags#sorry gang#and of course i got myself a job that requires genuinely running around all day#my legs have given out twice at work and thats what finally pushed me to get a knee brace#just one for now bcs . expensive . i just gotta guess which leg o think is gonna give me the most trouble that day#idk i just tend to deny myself help . i dont think i deserve it . i really only got pushed for this bcs i didnt want to get obliterated by a#dog at work if my knee gave out 1) while walking a dog or 2) while in the daycare in a crowd of dogs#idk i dont like making my own life easier i dont think i deserve it . i dont think im suffering enough to need help but yk#ANYWAY#good news is we have ROTISSERIE CHICKEN FIR DINNER LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOO#IM GONNA DRAW NOW 💥💥🔥🔥🔥
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i could write a 100 page essay about what a fucking masterpiece warframe is. i will write many words in the tags. please readem if you want my 'tism.
#ive been playing on and off since 2019 but its only recently when i dumped destiny 2 (probably for good) and picked it up#to fill the grind-shaped hole in my heart#that i have uncovered just how FUCKING INCREDIBLE warframe is#everything about it makes me incredibly autistic#from its masterful utilization of an incredibly styled and individual soundtrack full of absolute bangers#to its seemingly unique understanding of how and why an MMO is special to and because of its players#and its truly special story- a uniquely human take on the “post-ruin scifi” tale#it knows exactly how and when to yank on your heart to make you weep like a baby#and it knows exactly when you're going to get angry and want vengeance#and it knows when to let you let loose and unleash hell#SPOILERS FOR THE NEW WAR AHEAD#IF YOU THINK YOU COULD PLAY THE GAME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO#SPOILER WARNING#i think the narmer corruption of fortuna was genuinely one of the most gutpunchingly horrible moments ive ever experienced in a video game#i started playing when fortuna was already in the game but the story of fortuna and vox solaris was really what made warframe stand out 2 m#i would drop into the orb vallis as gauss and dash around doing bounties and fishing and mining because i really loved everything about#fortuna and wanted to spend as much time there as possible#for me vox solaris was my proudest achievement (in warframe.) to say “i helped that! i did that!” was an incredibly good feeling#the story really spoke to me on a deeper level#and vox solaris has always been my favorite faction as a result#so to do absolutely everything that i could#to lift together with my tenno brothers and sisters and yet STILL fail?#and to have it rubbed in my face by the corruption of the greatest shining pillar of hope in the warframe universe?#felt like i got kicked in the stomach#i felt sad and angry. but most of all i was DRIVEN.#which is GOOD. because RARELY does a video game present you the “you lost” scenario and have it feel not only satisfyingly painful#but MOTIVATING.#my only complaint with the new war is that i didnt get to hack ballas to pieces by myself#i had real flashbacks to running around helping people as gauss while approaching the final boss with erra#and to step onto the ballas arena as gauss prime. i nearly came from the narrative significance
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there’s a special place in hell for people who take the time and go through the effort of leaving negative comments on fanfics, like-- what is wrong with you, what is LEGITIMATELY wrong with you?
I’m so angry and so devastated on behalf of everyone who has been harrassed like this and who is going through something like this right now. There’s no excuse for shitty behavior - if you intentionally leave a hurtful comment on something someone created and put out there for other people’s enjoyement, for free, after spending probably HOURS if not WEEKS or MONTHS or longer on it, you’re an incredibly shitty, disgusting, miserable waste of space of a person
be better
#this is just unbelievable behavior#I cannot imagine what kind of a person uses their time and energy to spread negativity when they could be doing something good instead#like why I seriously don't get it#it is so horrible and so heartbreaking and makes me so so damn angry that people are bullied like this to the point that they stop doing#what they clearly have enjoyed doing until this point#it's so wrong and people who cause this - you are the worst kind of person#but be better is also aimed at myself because I've slacked on spreading the love myself by commenting on the fics I love#like pretty much every single codywan piece Glimmer ever wrote#I always tell myself “I'll do it later when I'm not busy with schoolwork etc” but later might be months later or it might be too late#so I'll do better myself and I'll start commenting more even if it's just a short quick note its better than not gettin around to it at all#because fanfic authors deserve all the love in the world#fanfics have made my life infinitely better and the authors need to know how much they've affected my life#and how much their fics mean to me#so I'll do better as well#text post#star wars#codywan#YES I'll tag those because it is relevant
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coming up with zombie apocalypse stories is always fun because you can just say whatever and people will just have to take your word for it
#personal#oh it doesn't make sense? zombie media rarely makes sense if you really think about it we're here to have fun be quiet#for this one specifically they've created some fertilizer with a newly discovered fungus as ingredient#because of its regenerative abilities it would be great for crops because they'll grow better and faster and whatever#but soon enough it turns out that the fungus can make you very very sick and well. that's how it all starts#original strain only turns a handful of its victims into zombies because it targets people with strong immune systems#the stronger your immune system the more likely your body ends up being to start taking on the functions of the fungus cells#which means it starts regenerating a bunch of dead cells and then you become a ghoul. oops!#but then you can also start changing other people into zombies which is how it ends up escalating because the original strain itself#wouldn't be strong enough to end the world but the fact you can turn others is what makes it spiral#especially big cities become vulnerable because the zombies are like. highly adaptable?? you get different types of zombies in different#environments so like city zombies are super fast but not too sturdy so they die quick but also change 1-3 other people before they go#and countryside zombies are a lot sturdier and tougher to kill but also are just much slower etc etc and so on#and because it's all in a fertilizer there's also zombie plants!! which is fun because they're an invasive species#so there's just zombie nature taking over regular nature and zombies can use these like#zombie forests to regenerate in and all that :] horrible times all around!
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Favorite part about Death Note is that Light gets the Note and IMMEDIATELY becomes a serial killer fascist with a god complex.
No build-up, no Fall From Grace, no slow corruption of a good boy gradually becoming a monster. Just-- SPEED RUN STRATS. And I love that for him.
Tbh, I think there are a lot of folks (especially boys) from my high school days who would have immediately become monsters if given the power of life and death over every person around them.
It's kind of like how when people have apparently casual ableist beliefs, and you push them to elaborate on that just a little bit, they'll often end up openly saying stuff like "well, some people are just too disabled to be worth the resources it takes to support them." - Which is... eugenics. It's just eugenics, justified by the myth of scarcity. Now these folks almost certainly won't call it eugenics, or even think of it that way. But that doesn't make it NOT a core belief of the Nazis.
In a similar way, Light seems like a nice and well-adjusted boy with strong beliefs. No harm in that.
But to paraphrase Lindsay Ellis in her analysis of the Game of Thrones ending, "Power doesn't necessarily corrupt. Power reveals." [I think she was quoting someone else when she said this. It was someone who wrote a biography on LBJ. Whatever. Lindsay said it and she's smart as hell and I recommend her videos.]
And 15 minutes into the Death Note musical, I'm already thinking about how so many beliefs "casually" held by well-adjusted, nice people immediately reveal their monstrousness when talked through to their natural conclusion.
And I wonder how many of those people, given the power of life and death over everyone around them - the power to take their ideas to their natural conclusions - would also immediately reveal how their lack of self-reflection has laid the groundwork for them to become monsters.
#original#ableism#ableism cw#eugenics#nazis cw#death note#Death Note the musical#light yagami#death note musical#there's not really such a thing as casual ableism. because it all feeds into the same evil machine at the end of the day#because ableism done with hate and ableism done with love and ignorance have the same exact effects#there's no such thing as casual racism either. even if other white people would like to think that#so they don't have to actually call out people around them for holding heinous beliefs or doing horrible things#white culture#is basically the group agreement that we are /simply not going to talk about what we've done/#and we most /certainly/ are not going to talk about what we are currently doing. even bringing it up is considered rude.#it's bad is what I'm saying it's a bad culture and I don't think the world would lose anything without it#maybe then our churches won't feel like places God has abandoned. I'm an atheist. but I remember what white Mass felt like.#frankly I might not have become an atheist if when we sang stuff like ode to joy in church it wasn't the most joyless sound ever#our words flew up. our thoughts remained below. songs without thought never to heaven go. <3#man I gotta make some excellent art about that so I can stop talking about so much. but heavy excellent art takes time! so it'll be a while#nice is different than good#niceness can sometimes be incredibly unkind. it's nice to be agreeable. but in the face of injustice this becomes a cruelty.#back to watching the musical. LOVE how Light convinces himself his actions come from a place of love 💘#'we just have to kill all the bad guys!' taken to its brutal and horrifying conclusion#and the way so many people are FANS of Kira is so brilliant. i wonder if this musical's ending is better written than the [÷>%>#*than the original#edit: it totally is. the musical fucking rules.
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Phullo it is I again!
I am very glad that you actually responded and given me an actual advice since I was worried about the question I sent you.
Though besides that I have another question for you (hoorayyy)!
So, about the reading books earlier- I’m fortunately a bookworm too! It’s just that I notice I prefer reading the genre science fiction/psychological horror more than… anything else!
And while the books I am currently reading, ‘Flowers For Algernon’ and ‘I’m Thinking Of Ending Things’ (these books are seriously so wonderfully made they make want to tear my walls), DO have romantic aspects of it- it’s not really the main plot of the story..
‘Flowers For Algernon’ has amazing storytelling and is very unique- though I’m not sure if you’ve read it before but, it’s actually just the main character taking notes. Hence why there was a lot misspellings which honestly makes it a great touch if you know the context behind it.
On the other hand, ‘I’m Thinking Of Ending Things’ too shares the same uniqueness as the other, possibly even more unique if I must say so myself. Though I REALLY don’t want to make my story similar to them since I want to make it more heart warming than fucked up..
Which is why I feel like I have the need to borrow or buy at least one romantic book because, I lack of it. I mean I accidentally borrowed it one time but it was kind of disappointing.
I don’t know if its a good idea and if I should do it or not since does it really matter of the genre, or just the writing?
Still, if you have any good books that are in the romance genre. Feel free to recommend some to me!
-lots of love, from another bookworm
welcome back! happy to hear you're a bookworm as well <3 im writing those titles down since i read a criminal lack of sci-fi despite loving it
i actually don't have any straight up romance recs - i don't actively search it out (outside of fanfic), so any romance i read just comes with whatever book i've picked up. just straight up romance bores me, unless its a fic with a pairing i actively like. and even then, i need to take breaks from it unless the romance is interspersed with an actual plot. im not a romantically-geared person! i dont have single Main Plot Is Romance book on my shelves!
but imo its really just the quality of writing that helps. ive never been in a romance, im the child of two different divorces, and yet ive been told that i write romance fairly well. go fuckin figure lmao.
so actually my advice on romance is to just like. wow idk what i do is pick apart the romances i see on tv / in writing. what makes them good together, how do they act around each other, what are their love languages, what's their dynamic, what traditional romance things do they partake in, what dont they partake in, do they have anything nontraditional, do they work and why do / they dont they - does that make their relationship more interesting or is it flat. are they a good match.
you don't have to have every answer, but ive found that at least understanding their characters / dynamics, and having them interact in a way that suits them will help your romance feel natural. dont conform to tropes or tradition, that will just make the relationship flat and unrealistic. and you can always sprinkle in little things that you like / would like, which will help ground the romance and get you into the groove
tldr with romance, i think it's better to observe real life (whether that's paying attention to couples or reading reddit threads) & analyze in-love or in-a-relationship characters instead of just reading romance novels. bc honestly, and from what i can tell, they can tend to be over the top or cookie cutter
just realized you did not explicitly ask for romance advice! Oopsie! i got a little carried away here....
#another thing i like to do is analyze bad fictional relationships / ones i dont like#both bc it gives me a concise argument / explanation if someone gets on me about it#and bc it helps me understand what makes good romances Good#bc bad relationships make me sit there and ask 'well. what went wrong here? why dont they work? why do i hate this? whats Missing?'#and filling in those gaps teaches me what Does work. what will go Right. why i Love it. what Is there.#sometimes the answer is simply bad writing & after taking a deeper look#i can conclude they they Are good for each other - the show/book just shoved them together with no reason other than#'need romance' or 'boy meet girl' or 'love at first sight'#i mean there are some romances that i look at it and im like 'wow! this should not be happening!'#but i Like it because its interesting enough! a good example is aline & the darkling from the grishaverse#such a fucking unhealthy relationship. really well written. fascinating. hot as hell. important for the story/characters.#i wanted to rip them apart but also glue them together to see how horrible the train crash would be!!!!#absolutely unprompted#so i mean... i think i can rec books that Have good romances in them? but thats not the focus by any means#lemme know... i know im less helpful this time around but i hope im helping a little!#feel free to ask as many questions as you like - ill do my best with all of them
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musing in the tags about the view two years out from my hysterectomy and the shifting nature of neuropathy. i asked my PT for recommendations/resources pertaining to pain science and that's been a very helpful lenses to have. i'm still not back to normal, will never be unmarked by this experience or return to my pre-op self, but my baseline has been gradually increasing over the last few months, and it feels good to look back on the last two years and say "i have no idea how i managed to function while living with that, but i did!"
#meatsuit renno#chronic blogging#ctxt#at first post-hysto pain was a deep burning ache#and eventually that lessened on my left side and settled in for the long haul on the right#after a couple weeks it had started to feel like a small carnivorous creature scrabbling and gnawing at the inside of my abdomen#nestled into the hollow of my pelvis and reaching up with its raking claws#about 6 months in and the creature still chewed occasionally but had shrunk to the size of a tennis ball under my right incision site#it clamped its jaws down and went to sleep and i perpetually felt like someone had pinched a fold of my insides with a large binder clip#this constant awful twisting tug every time i moved that kept me from straightening up or breathing fully#this is about a year into recovery and my original surgeon has blown off my requests for follow-up treatment three times now#i carried on as best i could. fatigue and brainfog getting worse & worse as the pain wore on unrelentingly#about a year and a half into recovery it worsened again. searing lancing pain like i'd been impaled on a piece of white hot rebar#couldn't hardly move. couldn't think straight. couldn't sleep#finally checked myself into urgent care & then the ER just to try to get someone anyone to take me seriously and help me#finally got a referral to a new surgeon who immediately pinned it as extreme neuropathy#started gabapentin end of december last year and the relief was immediately#i never thought i would welcome the gritted teeth vice grip of my little feral pain creature#but when i felt the molten spike slide out to be replaced once more by its worrying jaws#the intermittent spark and fizzle of that pinching squirming pain was a dramatic improvement#then i started PT in march and slowly so slowly the creature's hungry grip is loosening#it still clamps down occasionally. maybe once every week or two i'll have a day when i just accept#that there will be a horrible little creature chewing on my right side from the inside#but nowadays with the gabapentin doing as much as it can and an exercise routine i must stick to religiously to supplement PT#the pain is more of a little pearl of dark matter shifting around under my skin#it's incredibly dense. the heart of a black hole of disabling agony. all that white hot fury condensed into a slick heavy marble#as i recover some of my strength and energy i can feel my body coating it in nacreous layers to minimize its influence#my hysterectomy was 2 years and 4 days ago today and i feel like i can finally finally say i'm beginning to truly heal#i suspect i'll always carry this pearl in my side like shrapnel. product of damaged nerve tissue that went untreated for far too long#i wish my original surgeon had been more competent more attentive less lazy & indifferent to my pain. but i still don't have any regrets.
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sometimes i feel like rn it's really understated just how bad things could be if trump wins. like, actually. i feel like it's being forgotten that despite how bad things are right now, they would surely get WORSE.
#i dont want biden to win either#but is there really a big enough politician on the democratic party who the (still conservative) american population would vote for#HILLARY didnt even win and she's a generally non-offensive white woman#i know its like voting for 2 evils. but lest we forget there is definitely a MORE evil one here#and i think its the one who unabashedly tried to flush stolen documents in his toilet#i think its the one who wants to build the iron dome#i really wish i could say not to vote for biden. because trust i know very well all the shitty things hes done and stands for#(him clearly explaining ukraine & russia but dodging any questions about israel & palestine is enough proof of this)#but things around the world are going to get much much worse if trump wins#'cause hes just going to do whatever the republican party tells him to#downright evil those people could be at times#im still trying to gather my thoughts around this#as an outsider i cant help but be worried#because rn the us is a big factor towards the west philippine sea tensions#and honestly if we lose toast. like we're actually going to get colonized for the 4TH time#so im scared of what'll happen if trump were to ever take office again#00#sorry for the long tags btw#i fully understand that biden is a horrible person. i was pulling my hair out with all of you#but there are nuisances here that i feel shouldnt be forgotten#trump unfortunately really came out with a stronger swing after that debate#so i feel like everyone's sort of forgetting that no matter how horrible everything is right now#his only promise is to make things worse#and not voting only adds to his perogative
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one of the kids at work never listens or does what he's told and we have like the same problems with him every day so the other staff all kind of hate him at this point so they'll yell at him for doing extremely minor shit and today he said "how come you're the only staff member who cares about me" and it made me really fucking sad but it's not like I can tell the grown adults I work with what to do so I just have no idea how to help the situation
#when i try to talk about it to other staff they dont care bc he pisses them off so theyre not willing to give him the benefit of the doubt#so hell just be joking around or minding his own business playing with something and theyll like scream at him#in a way that they dont do with the other kids. its noticeable and it bothers me because obviously he acts out when that happens#so it begins a horrible cycle and now im basically the only one he'll talk to and i feel like im always trying to defend him to staff#and i just dont know what to do because literally any time im not right there to intervene this happens#and i understand why he gets angry and defensive when they yell at him for doing normal ass shit#and then like today one of the kids was making fun of him for being poor and smelling like cigarettes#and he told me his moms an alcoholic and that none of the other staff even talked to the kid about it so i gave him (the bully) a write up#i just really really feel for him because i can tell he wants to do good. i often end up letting him hang out with me all day#but today one of the other staff yelled at him for it and i had to be like i literally told him he could stay with me bc of this#im still can't usually get him to do what he needs to do but im the only one who will explain to him why we ask him to do stuff#i know a lot of its like body autonomy so i try to give him as much as i can but sometimes its impossible when we have 40 kids#ugh#today was bad
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Yooooo you worked at Michaels too?
(Ex-Framing department employee here)
YEA LETS GO EX-FRAMING DEPARTMENT they never even got around to teaching me production it was all wrapping and taking orders :/ Idk how it is at other shops but we only had 3 people working the whole frame shop. One person did ALL the frame assembly and us other two handled everything else. Was absolutely not worth $11/hr. man fuck retail. FUCK Design Hub too, if I may
#id come in for my like 4 hour shift and would have to run + close shop which included wrapping#wrapping storing calling for all orders done plus get all yhe frames lined plus unpack and clean up all the new frames coming in all by#all by the end of the night PLUS frame shop had to clean the bathrooms every night#plus actually running the front desk and taking orders and sometimes ppl would take hours picking matts that would cut into the time i had#to have everything else finished PLUS if i for some reason had everything done on time theyd make me run sales floor too#it was insane all the stuff they had me learn for such shit pay like. and#never work michales but never do it around the holidays more important#you will never escape the glitter#all that and my framing manager never got around to teaching me how to assemble a frame.#at least it was nice to hide in the frame shop so i wasnt talking to customers 24/7 but still#customers treat you so horribly like i was sweeping once and this lady comes up to me like saying the bathroom was disgusting right#and i get it. it was always disgusting. but we did clean it every night. anyway its hard when you cant just tell people that 1.#1 we clean them every night so if theres a huge mess in it most likely it was another shopper who pissed on the floor just cuz.#and 2 they only give us a mop and some pine sol to clean the whole 2 bathrooms every night. dont blame me blame michals lol#everything else was just so stupid#i wanna know how many framing department ppl everyone else had because we had 2 part time and 1 full time and i was only there a few months
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stupid asshole who lives in my brain
#haven#oc#traditional media#monochrome#lineart#sketch#horrible beast who i am finally closing in on a narrative for#im so glad honestly i hate having characters just float around disconnected from any kind of actual story with no point#kind of fitting that he was stuck being a tool without a purpose for a while honestly lmao#in terms of a character i have he was very much a purpose-built tool for specific situations#and then i stopped doing oc erp so he stopped being useful#as a *character* he was also about being a tool purpose-built for specific situations (managing really complicated operations#and doing extreme violence to lots of people at once) and now his narrative is about him doing his best to get rid of the situations#and then discovering he doesn't have a purpose and going completely off the rails about it#unfortunately (fortunately? makes him fun to write) he is also an overdramatic entitled pissbaby of a man without the good sense god gave a#rock so he does all sorts of dumb stupid shit all the fucking time if he feels even a little bit bad so he does nothing normal about this#when its done ill share it#ah shit i forgot about . alt text hang on#this one's really only for archival purposes anyway i cant imagine anyone's reblogging this man to their dash#he's so annoying.#ok fixed the alt text
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my birthday week is like a fight for my fucking life.
#like i dont like my birthday bc i dont like attention and also bc the fact i am still alive when i never planned to be is so heavy#which makes it feel like all of a sudden i have a timer and i need to kiilllmyself#but mostly. The biggest issue is i think of my exbest friend bc it was our week always even if they treated me horrible#and i would just go along with whatever they wanted even if i hated it and i just think about them think about them think about them#and i dont want them in my life but i will talk myself into missing them#and feel guilty like its my fault like i deserved everything they did to me like i should never be allowed to move past it#and then i get so embarassed over how i let them rule my life and ruin so much for me and made me break away from people i care about#but then its like im so lonely at least they were always there even if they hated me#even if they wanted me to be so miserable even if they just wanted to know they would always have someone to push around#And i still have trouble when it comes to food im still scared of opening up to people im still scared of my friends of buying new clothes#somehow everything they said to and about me was true even though none of it is and it hurt me and ruined so much#but i must have deserved it. they were supposed to know me best. and i never have known myself#so everything they had said about me has been true for so long.#every time i have the thought that i miss them i think i need to crash my car#every year it gets better every week it is easier but its been so bad recently its been so bad i feel like pieces of me are falling apart#i dont want to manifest this year it being bad bc its just starting to get easier after my total depressive state but god#im looking at are they made for me years ago and i want to rip it apart but i cant every time i try i almost throw up.#i think im going to throw up right now.#deeply pathetic.#news with isaac
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Tbh the whole metal sonic having a hedgehog oc thing is honestly so good. Yes. The murder robot also deserves the joy of dressing up as a character she made. Reminds me of those sonic ocs that edgy kids used to make that were basically just like. emoer amy rose or something. And I mean that with the most love in the world cause i was one of them kids. He is kinda just an edgy kid too. They deseve the freedom
She literally is my emoer Amy Rose from when I was like nine she is just also in universe Metal Sonic's emoer Amy Rose. (her outfit is actually very vaguely meant to resemble classic amy's since like, metal cares about like three or four people enough to remember them by name and amy is one of them bc, y’know, sonic cd, she considers amy one of the few living things that was useful to her bc she used her as bait she is in universe literally designed after amy rose bc metal was trying to exploit sonic's heroism for like literally two minutes until they started bantering.)
#In the timeline I have set out Metal Sonic would be around 14-ish mentally at the time so yeah very much an edgy kid#like he's a pretty horrible person who enjoys people's suffering at that point but like. it’s kind of literally all she knows lol#they also kinda can't really Have the same set of morals as anyone else bc they think in a fundamentally different way#like its whole perception of reality is based around it having one specific purpose in life that it can’t change#everything is filtered through hir need to be superior and to destroy sonic#she's not an inherently evil being but she has very warped views on the world and a perspective that’s pretty alien#and very often unpalatable bc it’s defined by violence superiority obsession and obedience#but that doesn’t mean he can’t care for people or do good things it just means he normally approaches them in odd ways#usually through 'helping people makes me better at being the true sonic'#or 'these organic beings are useful and therefore it is logical to help them'#or sometimes just flat out boredom#coming into the world with a singular predefined goal fucks you up mentally basically#can u tell I’ve been thinking about them for like a decade
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