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sciencespies · 4 years ago

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The Ten Most Significant Science Stories of 2020

https://sciencespies.com/nature/the-ten-most-significant-science-stories-of-2020/

The Ten Most Significant Science Stories of 2020

Covid-19 dominated science coverage in 2020, and rightly so. The world grappled with how to combat the SARS-CoV-2 virus, learning about how it spread (whether it was on surfaces, via droplets or being airborne) and how it affected the human body (from immunity to symptoms like loss of smell.) But scientific endeavors in other fields, whether affected directly by the pandemic or indirectly by public health measures, didn’t come to a complete halt because of SARS-CoV-2. In incredible advances, researchers used three new tools for making discoveries about the sun, discovered that dinosaurs got cancer and published a study on a discovery in a Mexican cave that changes the timeline of humans’ arrival to the Americas. But none of those moments made this list of the biggest science stories of the year. It’s a subjective round-up, of course, but one compiled by our editors after much thought and debate. Presenting the key innovations, studies and discoveries that made 2020 an unforgettable year in science:

Companies Develop Covid-19 Vaccines in Record Time

A vile of the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine against COVID-19 that was delivered to Arrowhead Regional Medical Center in Colton, California

(Irfan Khan / Los Angeles Times via Getty Images)

Since the first case of Covid-19 was reported in China late last year, more than 802 million cases and more than 1.7 million deaths have been confirmed around the world. In the United States, more than 19 million patients have tested positive for the disease and more than 338,000 of them have died. While the disease continues to spread and cause death, help is in sight thanks to the record-setting effort to develop vaccines. In less than a year, Moderna and Pfizer, in cooperation with BioNTech, created the first messenger RNA (mRNA) vaccines ever to protect against Covid-19. An mRNA vaccine contains a synthetic version of RNA that tricks the immune system into thinking a virus is present so that it will make antibodies designed to fight the virus. This is different from a traditional vaccine, which is made of small amounts of an existing virus. The previous record for vaccine development was for mumps, which took four years in the 1960s, but Moderna started working on a vaccine in January and Pfizer and BioNTech began working together in March. By July, both companies began late stage trials, each with roughly 30,000 participants. In November, the companies declared their vaccines were more than 90 percent effective. By mid-December, the FDA approved both vaccines for use in the United States. National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases director Anthony Fauci hailed the accomplishments as a “triumph.” Now comes the complicated, months-long process of distributing the vaccines to the public.

NASA Snags Its First Asteroid Sample

Artist’s conception of NASA’s OSIRIS-REx spacecraft collecting a sample from the asteroid Bennu

(NASA/Goddard/University of Arizona)

In October, the NASA spacecraft OSIRIS-Rex reached out and grabbed rocks from a 4.5-billion-year-old asteroid named Bennu. The mission, which took place more than 200 million miles away from Earth, marked the first time the space agency reached out and touched an asteroid. The craft was supposed to land on the mass, but the surface proved too rocky, so the team behind the effort pivoted to using a robotic arm to snatch a sample. The smashing success almost worked too well; the collection module vacuumed up so much rock that a vital flap couldn’t close. Scientists abandoned their plans to measure the sample and took days to implement an effort to successfully store the rocks. The sample should arrive on Earth three years from now. Experts think it may contain water and prebiotic material, the building block of life. Such evidence might offer clues about how life on Earth started.

Habitats Burn During One of the Hottest Years on Record

Flames surround Lake Berryessa during the LNU Lightning Complex fire in Napa, California on August 19, 2020.

( Josh Edelson/AFP via Getty Images)

As of the writing of this list, 2020 is in competition with 2016 to be the hottest year ever recorded. This possible peak continues a dangerous trend, with the ten hottest years ever documented all occurring since 2005. Perhaps no illustration of the effects of climate change this year was more dramatic than the preponderance of massive wildfires. Millions of acres in Australia, which was set up for disaster as 2019 marked its hottest and driest year on record, burned from last October into January 2020. Thousands of Australians fled their homes, and many animals died or scurried from their threatened habitats. In Brazil, fires ravaged the Pantanal, the world’s largest tropical wetland, from July through October. Roughly a quarter of the ecosystem , which is larger in area than Greece, burned. Residents and animals abandoned their homes for safety, unsure of what would remain when they returned. In the United States, California recorded its worst fire season ever, with more than 3 million acres destroyed. Massive fires have dominated the state recently, with seven of the most destructive burns taking place in the last five years. Hot, dry summers, due in part to climate change, have set the region up for longer, more volatile fire seasons.

Scientists Discover Signs of Possible Life on Venus, or Maybe Not

Venus is a world of intense heat, crushing atmospheric pressure and clouds of corrosive acid.

(NASA/JPL-Caltech)

In September, astronomers published a pair of papers saying they detected a gas called phosphine on Venus. They said the discovery, which was made using telescopes in Hawaii and Chile, suggested a living source for the gas because other conditions on the planet couldn’t lead to phosphine formation. News outlets from The New York Times to National Geographic picked up the story, while reporting that some experts were skeptical of the finding. In October, three independent follow-up studies failed to find the gas on Venus. One of the studies used new data, and the other two used the initial team’s original data. In November, the original team revised their figures and said that phosphine levels were seven times lower than their initial estimate. As the debate about the presence of the gas continues, the story is important not just because of the correction, but because of what it shows: Science is a process in which findings are presented and then opened up to scrutiny and revision.

Microplastics Invade the Furthest Reaches of the Globe

Plastic debris covers the beach of the Costa del Este neighborhood in Panama City.

(Luis Acosta/AFP via Getty Images)

News that microplastics have spread into many of the earth’s habitats is nothing new, but this year, scientists published several studies showing that the amount is much greater than previously thought and the reach is much further than previously documented. In April, researchers documented microplastics in Antarctic sea ice for the first time. In June, a study published in Science estimated that 1000 tons of airborne plastic debris rains down on national parks and remote stretches of wilderness in the United States. The country’s estimated contribution of plastic waste to the oceans was shown to be double what was previously thought. And in October, scientists published a study estimating that 15.8 million tons of microplastic are embedded in the Earth’s seafloor—or a lot more than is floating at the ocean’s surface. Not only the planet’s lowest points have been trashed; scientists published a study in November that found microplastics in every sample collected from the slopes of Mount Everest, with one such sample collected at 27,690 feet above sea level. Plastic debris has infiltrated Earth’s water, air and the living tissues of so many creatures, including humans. What scientists don’t know yet, is all of the ways the pollution affects us.

Three Different Early Humans May Have Lived Together in South Africa

The Drimolen excavations and excavated fossils

(Andy Herries)

Despite being widely discredited in modern archaeology, orthogenesis—the theory that species evolve in neat succession, with new species replacing extinct species without much overlap—still looms large in the public understanding of human evolution. Researchers now say that evolution may have looked more like a scene first described in April this year, where three different species of possible human ancestors lived together in the same ancient cave in South Africa’s Cradle of Humanity. Tucked away in a roofless, amphitheater-like dwelling known as the Drimolen Paleocave System, skull fragments from Australopithecus africanus, Paranthropus robustus and Homo erectus were found to date back to 1.95 million years ago. This time period would mark the end of Australopithecus’s reign and the early beginnings of Paranthropus’s short-lived existence. Remarkably, the find could push back H. erectus’s origins by about 100,000 years; a cranium fragment scientists discovered might be the earliest fossil evidence of the species. Collapsed layers of fossil-packed sediment make precise dating tricky, but this study provides new evidence of multi-species hominin coexistence in a new geographic location, suggesting our ancestors were much more diverse than previously thought.

New AI Tool Cracks a Decades-Old Problem in Biology

youtube

Proteins are tiny molecular structures that make life on Earth go ’round. All proteins start out as a chain of chemical compounds called amino acids. Those chains then fold, twist and turn over and over again into perplexing tangles that eventually develop a three-dimensional shape. A protein’s shape defines what it can and can’t do—enter and alter certain cells, for example. When scientists can determine those 3-D shapes, the knowledge helps them understand how viruses spread, crack genetic codes and breakdown cellular infrastructure. Researchers have been searching for ways to crack the code of protein structures for 50 years. Scientists using existing technology require years of trial and error efforts to figure out a protein’s shape. This year, Google’s artificial intelligence company DeepMind debuted a deep-learning tool called AlphaFold that can determine a protein’s structure in a matter of days. The potential applications and breakthroughs this technology offers are numerous, including quicker and more advanced drug discovery. As one researcher described the find to Nature magazine, “It’s a breakthrough of the first order, certainly one of the most significant scientific results of my lifetime.”

The United States Is On Track to Eliminate Cervical Cancer

A pediatrician gives an HPV vaccination to a 13-year-old girl in Miami, Florida.

( Joe Raedle/Getty Images)

In a year plagued by a different kind of virus, good news is on the horizon regarding a form of cervical cancer associated with the human papillomavirus (HPV). Even without increased vaccination or screening, the United States is on pace to eliminate cervical cancer within the next 20 to 30 years, according to report released this year. When pap smears were widely introduced and regularly implemented at a global scale nearly a half-century ago, cervical cancer deaths began to drop. A vaccine introduced in 2006 prevented HPV infections that lead to cervical cancer. If medical professionals ramp up current vaccination and screening efforts, cervical cancer could be eliminated even sooner than expected, according to statistical models used in the study.

The United States Watched Washington Scientists Battle Invasive ‘Murder Hornets’

The Asian giant hornet, the world’s largest hornet, was sighted in North America for the first time.

(Washington State Dept. of Agriculture)

With a nickname like “murder hornets,” Asian giant hornets were hard to ignore, even though researchers spotted only a few at first. Asian giant hornets (Vespa mandarinia) decimate honey bee populations fairly efficiently (hence their nickname) and their sting is far mightier than any common bee found in North America. But after the New York Times published an article about scientists’ efforts to get ahead of the species before they settled for good in Washington state and British Columbia, the internet was abuzz with interest. Though four hornets had been spotted since fall 2019, it wasn’t until early October that the first live hornet was captured. By mid-October, entomologists found, isolated and incapacitated a nest that contained more than 500 “murder hornets,” including 200 queens. Though scientists may have arrived there in the nick of time, it’s impossible to know whether some of those queens mated and set off to start their own colonies, so a team is still on the lookout for the stinging beasts. All in all, the internet hysteria was exaggerated—and not exactly harmless either. Search engine inquiries about pesticides jumped, and common, oft-overlooked pollinators prompted panicked calls to local environmental agencies. One good thing to come out of the story? Folks learned a bit about the importance of controlling invasive species.

In 50 Years, Humans Have Decimated Two-Thirds of the World’s Wildlife

A leatherback sea turtle hatchling, an endangered species, crawls to the ocean.

(Mark Conlin/VW PICS/UIG via Getty Image)

Since 1970, 4,392 mammals, amphibians, birds, fish and reptile species’ population sizes declined by 68 percent, according to a World Wildlife Fund report released this year. Animals living in Latin America and the Caribbean took the biggest hit; their population sizes decreased by 94 percent. Habitat destruction is cited as the leading cause of these massive losses. The United Nations’ Global Biodiversity Outlook report produced similarly grim results. The document took inventory of 196 countries committed to recovering biodiversity as determined by the 2010 Aichi Biodiversity Targets. As dictated by the Aichi agreement’s ten-year plan, countries were to achieve certain recovery milestones like preventing the spread of invasive species and conserving protected areas. Most of the goals were not achieved or only partially met. Furthermore, the reports warned that pandemics, like the one the world is currently facing, could become more common if humans’ “broken” relationship with the natural world is not mended. In a statement, U.N. Convention of Biological Diversity executive secretary Elizabeth Maruma Mrema said, “the more humanity exploits nature in unsustainable ways and undermines its contributions to people, the more we undermine our own wellbeing, security and prosperity.”

#Nature

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mtvswatches · 5 years ago

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Underrated rom-coms that I absolutely adore *chef’s kiss*

In no particular order. Click the titles to see the trailers.

The Truth About Cats and Dog - Uma Thurman and Janeane Garofalo star in this 90s gem. Janeane’s a radio host and vet who falls for one of her callers after helping him deal with his dog. Uma is her neighbor and ends up impersonating Janeane by her request because she is very insecure about her appearance. Meanwhile, she maintains amazing phone conversations with the object of her affection. First female masturbation scene I ever saw in movies. Female friendship is strong in this one.

Sleeping with Other People - A kind of homage to When Harry Met Sally if it was set in the 2010s and was much raunchier. After a chance encounter at university, Alison Brie has sex for the first time with Jason Sudeikis. They only meet again many years later and strike up a friendship in which they both dispense relationship and sex advice to the other. Each of them has their own hangups, and time and again rely on each other to get through stuff. The story does develop in the way you’d expect, but both leads deliver great performances and you can’t help but fall for them as they fall for each other. There’s a scene in particular that gives me a lot of feels and made me swoon over Jason Sudeikis, which had never happened before. (Spoiler alert: this scene.)

While You Were Sleeping - Sandra Bullock in one of her earliest, breakout roles. This is one of those movies with a #problematic lead whose behavior is probably criminal, definitely creepy and if you really start dissecting it, you realize that the heroine is actually the villain (My Best Friend’s Wedding, I’m also looking at you.) Anywho, Sandra is a lonely, single woman who works in the booth at a train station or something and daydreams about one of the daily commuters, Peter Gallagher. She ends up rescuing him after he falls to the rails. He ends up in a coma, and because of a misunderstanding, his family believes her to be his fiance, and she enjoys so much living out this fantasy that she fails to correct them. But his brother, a very swoony Bill Pullman, is suspicious of her and in an attempt to figure out whether she’s lying or not, they end up spending a lot of time together and well, you can figure out what happens later.

A Lot Like Love - I guess this one was a more deliberate attempt to recreate and modernize When Harry Met Sally. Starring Ashton Kutcher and Amanda Peet, it tells the story of a boy and girl who meet at the airport and end up spending a day together and forming a unique bond. Throughout the years, they keep crossing each other’s paths, and each time they grow closer and more intimate, although the timing is never right. You can guess the rest. It’s a very sweet movie with an absolutely amazing soundtrack.

Definitely Maybe - Raise your hand if you’ve loved Ryan Reynolds and watched pretty much everything he was in since you saw him in 1996′s Sabrina The Teenage Witch with Melissa Joan Hart. Anyway, if you’re a fan of love stories that span years and How I Met Your Mother but hated the ending, you’ll love this one. Ryan’s character, now divorced, retells his three most important past relationships to his curious daughter after she asks him how he met her mom. While that relationship obviously didn’t have a happy ending, reminiscing about his past love life helps him figure out that there may still be a chance to hold on to the one who got away.

The Wedding Date - With a plot seemingly straight out of fan-fiction - single woman hires date to go to sister’s wedding in England where she’ll run into former fiance - this movie is extremely tropey and predictable. Yet, it kind of works for me. Dermot Mulroney is extremely dreamy, and the UST between his character and Debra Messing is palpable.

Before Sunrise (and Before Sunset and Before Midnight) If smart dialogue and beautiful backdrops are a huge turn-on for you, this is your movie and your saga. While the plot is virtually non-existent - two young adults meet on a train in Europe and end up spending a day together in Vienna - this is one of those movies that are brilliantly written and in which the dialogue is the plot. Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy play wonderfully off each other and you almost feel you’re watching the events transpire in real-time. There is something wonderful about watching two people slowly fall in love with each other as they talk and get to know each other in a way that people rarely do. There’s also the charm of knowing there’s an expiration date to their encounter and the desperation of not wanting it to the end. I adore this movie, this couple, this saga, this director.

Reality Bites - Yes, I do have a thing for Ethan Hawke. Sue me. This is 90s Wynonna Ryder at her best and Hawke at his broodiest, bad-boy-est. This is the quintessential Generation X movie (that’s actually the title the movie was given in my country...) in which you see twenty-somethings struggling to become adults in a world that keeps changing the rules. It touches on many issues that are relatable to young adults while at the same time giving you an insight into this group of friends who try to navigate adulthood while remaining true to who they are. Wynonna and Ethan have insane chemistry, and their scenes together still give me butterflies.

High Fidelity - A heartbroken John Cusack, who owns a record store and is obsessed with making lists, decides to make the list of his top five breakups, hunt down his exes and have heart-to-hearts about why they think their relationship didn’t work. He views these relationships and breakups as formative experiences that led him to where he is today and ultimately affected his most recent relationship, which he thought was the one. Great soundtrack, great cameos in minor roles, and John Cusack, for fuck’s sake, what more could you ask for?

Chasing Amy - Granted, this one probably doesn’t hold up so well in this day and age. I mean, comic book writer Ben Affleck falls for lesbian Joey Lauren Adams and actively tries to have her switch teams? Hmmm. Even when I watched this back then that part definitely felt ... wrong. Yet... I’ve always felt the message of the movie about sexuality - and ultimately about love - was that it is complex and it fluctuates and that we are kind of doomed if we keep slapping labels on ourselves and holding ourselves to the standards of said labels. There are definitely homophobic lines, but it’s a very interesting movie to watch mostly because of Alyssa’s character and her journey in the movie. Give it a try and tell me what you think.

Just Friends - Another Ryan Reynolds flick, arguably more of a comedy than a rom-com but feels underrated either way. Former fatty Ryan has made a name for himself as a music producer or something after he escaped his hometown and the friend zone (I KNOW) he inhabited during his highschool years. Having to take care of pop star Anna Faris (who is absolutely hilarious in this movie), he ends up accidentally returning to his town and running into his high school crush and best friend again. Now exuding self-confidence because of his looks, he decides he will get her to sleep with him to fulfill his teenage fantasies. As he attempts to woo her, he slowly reverses to his high school appearance, which undermines his confidence and brings his issues to the surface. It’s a silly, fun movie that doesn’t pretend or aim to be anything else, and both Ryan’s and Anna’s comedic skills are brilliantly displayed in it. You’ll laugh a lot, is what I’m saying.

#movies #romantic comedies #rom coms #romance #films #mine #also let me know if you would like me to do other lists like this?

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lawrenceop · 4 years ago

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HOMILY for 13th Sun after Pentecost (Dominican rite)

Gal 3:16-22; Luke 17:11-19

An ancient text called the Didache which dates in part to the year 50 or 70 refers to the what we are doing right now, the offering of the sacrifice of Christ at the altar on a Sunday, as the Eucharist. This means that from the time of the apostles, one of the earliest names for this Sacrament that we celebrate and receive now, is Eucharist. The word comes from the Greek eucharistia meaning ‘thanksgiving’. For this is what we offer to God in the Holy Mass: we offer to the Father in union with the Son and through the Holy Spirit an oblation of thanksgiving. Hence at the cusp of the Canon, the Priest sings, “Gratias agamus Domino Deo nostro”, ‘Let us give thanks to the Lord our God’, and you declare this sacred action of thanksgiving to be “right and just”.

For we gather today, on the day of the Lord’s resurrection, Sunday, as is fitting, to give thanks to God for the mercies and healing and forgiveness we have received from him over the past week. As Pope St John Paul II said: “As the whole community gathers to celebrate ‘the Lord's Day’, the Eucharist appears more clearly than on other days as the great ‘thanksgiving’ in which the Spirit-filled Church turns to the Father, becoming one with Christ and speaking in the name of all humanity. The rhythm of the week prompts us to gather up in grateful memory the events of the days which have just passed, to review them in the light of God and to thank him for his countless gifts, glorifying him ‘through Christ, with Christ and in Christ, in the unity of the Holy Spirit’.”

The Fathers of the Church, therefore, saw in today’s Gospel an indication of what we do in the Holy Mass, and of that which pleases the Lord, namely coming to him with gratitude and thanksgiving. For the leper who returns to Jesus falls at his feet “thanking him” – in Greek, euchatistwn autw. So too, during the Canon, which is also known as the Eucharistic Prayer, the great consecratory prayer of thanksgiving, we fall on our knees, thanking God for his mercies and graces, and for this wondrous gift of the Most Holy Sacrament of the Eucharist.

In the Didache, therefore, this ancient Christian text instructs the early Christians: “Come together on the Lord’s day, break bread and give thanks, having first confessed your sins so that your sacrifice may be pure.” Hence, even today, there is the opportunity for confession before the Eucharist. In fact this pattern is seen in today’s Gospel. The lepers stand for those who have been disfigured by sin, those who have been separated from others by sin. For this is what mortal sin does: it separates us from the communion of the Church, it isolates us from others, and it keeps us distant from God. So, at first, the lepers stand “at a distance” from Christ. But they lift up their voices and call out for mercy. Here, then is the act of confession, their recognition of their sinfulness, and of their need for God’s forgiveness and mercy. Let us also be mindful, in approaching the Eucharist, to examine our consciences and to go to confession if we are conscious of having committed a grave sin. As we hear in the Gospel, the Lord says to the lepers, “Go and show yourselves to the priests.” (Lk 17:14)

For although venial sins are forgiven during the Mass through the Confiteor, and through the grace of Holy Communion, as Pope St Pius X taught, nevertheless, mortal sins, as you’ll know, can ordinarily only be forgiven through the Sacrament of Confession, through the ministry of a priest. So, if during the recent time of the lockdown you were unable to go to confession, and you made an act of perfect contrition, you should also now avail yourself of the Sacrament as soon as possible.

The one Samaritan leper then glorifies God with a loud voice. So, too, our thanksgiving for the forgiveness and healing that Christ gives us through the sacraments is expressed in acclamations and song, through the ‘Gloria’ of the Mass, for example, and through the singing of the Scriptures, and in the Alleluia. These declare in a loud voice the mercies of God and the salvation he has won for us, and the graciousness of God to us sinners. For as we heard in the Alleluia verse today: the Lord has “been our refuge, from generation to generation. Alleluia!”

But of the ten who had been healed, only one rejoiced and praised God, only one returned to kneel in adoration at the feet of the Lord and gave him thanks. So, too, in our time, only a small percentage of baptised Catholics go to the Sacraments. The latest statistic is that about 27.5% of Catholics in Britain attend the weekly Sunday Eucharist. This is certainly not as bad as the percentage of lepers in the Gospel who returned to the Lord, but this statistic should give us pause for reflection and prayer. Let us pray for God’s mercy on our brothers and sisters who have received God’s healing and salvation through the Sacrament of Baptism, but who do not come to Sunday Mass to give thanks to God. Let us pray for a deeper conversion and thanksgiving to well up in the souls of all the baptised. And let us pray for a revival of the one true faith in our land. For the Lord Jesus calls us to live with gratitude, to offer thanksgiving for the great gifts he has given us, to give thanks for the graces of forgiveness and mercy and repentance, and moreover, to come to the weekly Eucharist so that we might receive still more gifts and graces from the Holy Spirit to empower our Christian lives for the rest of the week.

To this end, Pope St John Paul II cites a 3rd-century text called the Didascalia, saying: “Leave everything on the Lord’s Day and run diligently to your assembly, because it is your praise of God. Otherwise, what excuse will they make to God, those who do not come together on the Lord's Day to hear the word of life and feed on the divine nourishment which lasts forever?” As we hear in the Communion chant today, here, in the Eucharist, the Lord has given us “bread from heaven, having in it all that is delicious, and the sweetness of every taste”! Hence the same ancient text of the Didascalia notes that, in fact, the absence of Christians from the Sunday Eucharist disappoints the Lord and diminishes his body, the Church, even as we hear in the Gospel of the Lord’s disappointment that only one leper returned in thanksgiving. The Didascalia thus says: “Do not, then, make light of your own selves, do not deprive our Saviour of his members; do not rend, do not scatter his Body” by failing to assemble in the church! In the 3rd-century, therefore, early Christians regarded the failure of our fellow Catholics to assemble at Mass on Sunday to be like scattering the Body of Christ; to be as shocking and sad as it would be to us today were the Blessed Sacrament to be scattered and desecrated! Therefore, my brothers and sisters, let us fast and pray and do penance, offering up the inconveniences and discomforts and pains of our daily lives, especially in the current situation, for the conversion of souls, for the return of the other 72.5% to Holy Mass!

Perhaps we can make our own this prayer of apostolic antiquity, this prayer for the unity of the Church in holiness, that is found in the Didache: ”Lord, remember your Church and deliver it from all evil; make it perfect in your love and gather it from the four winds, this sanctified Church, into your kingdom which you have prepared for it, for power and glory are yours through all ages. May the Lord come, and this world pass away! Amen.”

Thus is it right and just to give thanks to the Lord our God!

#eucharist #thanksgiving #sunday Mass #Sunday #sacraments

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my-ivy-grows · 4 years ago

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HOW TO EXHIBIT TEAMWORK IN THE WORKPLACE (TIPS FROM STUDENTS)

By Group 1 - ACTS

Within interdependent workers, working collaboratively to achieve a common goal or to finish a task in the most efficient way possible is the definition of teamwork. However, teamwork is not just seen in the workplace alone. In our school, we may have developed that sense of teamwork while doing projects or writing a research paper/thesis. From these experiences, we may also have concluded a keen sense of understanding what a poor teamwork is. Varying internet connectivity, tech issues, poor communication, little to no trust and non-participative members are seen as problems of attaining overall teamwork, especially during a time of a pandemic. And we know for sure that we want to achieve a specific common goal with such accuracy and precision, regardless of any situation. So what are some tips to exhibit teamwork in the workplace now that we know that teamwork is also accomplished in school? Well, this blog is for YOU!

But first… what are the "TEAM"portance of teamwork?

A team’s success can be driven by a stronger bond of teamwork. Oftentimes, we can hear this line: "Teamwork makes the dream work" by John Maxwell. In this quote, everyone involved in the process has a contribution and this contribution always matters to seek success. Meanwhile, it’s also important that there are diverse talents and skills from different members. Through teamwork, everyone can share those talents or skills to pull out the best project in the most efficient and effective manner. For instance, one may be good financially, while the other is good in communication. This may promote unity in an environment that encourages friendship and loyalty within the group. Thus, these stronger bonds of relationships motivate each member to work harder, to cooperate and to be supportive of one another.

Furthermore, teamwork’s importance also includes providing a medium for stronger communication towards contrasting perspectives and opinions. But first, we all know that brainstorming is really important when tackling key projects, and every member is expected to share their ideas, thoughts and approaches to reach success. By means of communication, this may strengthen accountability and may help make decisions faster, compared to when working alone. On the other hand, teamwork also offers a great opportunity for learning. It’s no doubt that every one of us makes mistakes; it’s inevitable. However, through teamwork, we are able to gain insight or learn new concepts from more experienced members or just learn to avoid future errors in the workplace. Thus, one’s presence in a team is really important, not just to do one’s work, but also to learn in the most profound way.

So now… here are 5 cer"TEAM" tips in exhibi"TEAM" teamwork

Slice up the pizza and share them to the group

Pizza celebration is so fun, especially when a work is done. But if a work is not yet done, it is good to share the pizza slices to everyone.

What we mean here is that a certain project should be divided into parts and be distributed to all the members equally. For instances like when the project should be done in the following week at most, it is more likely that one person alone can’t finish that job. Thus, breaking down the project and sorting who can do ‘what’ according to their expertise, interest and availability is important and the best thing to do. From the supervision of a team leader, he/she may lead the team and may remind the members about due dates and upcoming tasks to further the process of making the project.

Scenario:

In two adjacent restaurants, Christine Vivien and Claudine are the head managers. They are in-charge of maintaining staff and ensuring that the workplace is safe and secured for everyone.

One day, both of them received offers to cater a wedding for Christine and a christening for Claudine. Both of these events will eventually happen in the next three days.

In Christine’s managed restaurant, she alone planned the preparation for the big event. On the first day, she lists all what her constituents will do in the next days until the day of the event. In her plan, she wanted everyone to work together one food at a time to make sure that quality is well-attained.

On the other hand, Claudine’s approach is different to that of Christine’s. Instead of working one at a time, she divided all the tasks to all her co-workers. One cooks for a specific food while the other one is working on a specific dessert. In this manner, they were able to finish all the desired food on time and ready to be delivered.

For Christine’s case, they weren’t able to finish the project on time, so they ask the couple to allot more time in waiting for the food. Despite being a newbie in this managerial position, she took the responsibility for the delays and promised to learn from her mistakes.

Let the microphone be for everyone

Promoting a good communication in the workplace is very important for a team to work efficiently and effectively. Leaders should allow their members to openly communicate with their peers about a certain part of a project to also allow a smooth undertaking of the project. This may include voicing out their ideas and thoughts regarding any challenges that they may face or suggestions on how to improve the project. This may be an avenue to get feedbacks and opinions towards the team’s common goal. Additionally, investing time for open group conversation will not only benefit the project, but this will also build trust in the group, while eventually leading to productivity and morale of the team.

Scenario:

Krista Allen is a newly-hired member of a business team. She often stays silent in the corner of her office and only talks to her co-workers whenever she needs to.

One time, they had a group meeting and she sits, as usual, in the corner of a small meeting room. Then, the presentation by their team leader begins.

The PowerPoint presentation flashes their approach on how to increase their sales after a great loss last week. His team leader envisions to bounce back better to prove to the CEO of the company that their team matters.

However, the team leader just abruptly assigns tasks to his constituents, even without an open-group discussion whether they agree that it will be effective or not.

For Krista, who has been to many companies and who has acquired certain skills in the business world, she does not agree with the ‘ancient’ approach that their team leader has presented. As shy as a rookie, she just shrugged her shoulder and eventually just agreed in her head about the project.

Despite what happened in the meeting, Krista went on to talk with their team leader and discussed her ideas and thoughts, and encourage the team leader to have an open mic conversation to tackle more possible effective approach.

Sooner or later, Krista was promoted to being the team leader, a feat she wants to be ever since her first-time having a job. This time, she’s not that shy girl anymore, and she also does not sit in the corner of the room.

Get to know ME! and everybody

A team can’t perform teamwork if they are not trusting each other. They also need to be comfortable with the environment. That is why getting to know each one’s strengths and weaknesses should be a priority prior to working as a team. Through this, a team can carry out a more open conversation. By knowing one’s teammates, they will be able to trust them and talk to them without hesitation. Indeed, a good relationship brings a healthy work environment and that begins with knowing one another.

Scenario:

Ianna is part of a financial team in one of Bonifacio Global City’s best performing financial companies. In there, she is assigned to collect and report the money gathered from the sales of all the brand’s franchises in the Metro.

She works along with eight co-workers. In their team, three of them are new.

One day at their job, the team had a conflict to divide the tasks to do, although there is a plan made by the Human Resources Department. As an assistant team leader to the group, they had a complicated schedule and she struggled keeping up with the deadlines.

She also found out that the newbies are doing lesser job compared to them and that is the reason why they failed to finish tasks in the earliest time possible.

So in order to decide first-hand, the team set up a meeting to open their thoughts about certain topics in the workplace and also freely opened their strengths and weaknesses. With this simple getting to know each other, a trust formed and helped them made their task easier. One is more proficient in this part, while the other is good at this. Through this, their job became easier and we’re able to perform tasks well-orderly and productively.

Goals are clear, mission is near

The team should have a deep understanding of what they need to do to accomplish a certain goal or mission. A team’s goal should be clear and well-planned so as to interpret this in the most systematic and strategic way possible. If they execute this goal properly, there will also be a chance for them to save time, effort, resources and money. In this tip, a leader should take responsibility to lead the team on top. It is important that he/she makes sure that everyone understands the plans and ideas, as well making sure that the team establishes unity and healthy relationship with each other towards a goal/mission.

Scenario:

Marcus has been working for Joebeth’s company for almost 6 years now. He is a mission-driven worker and has a clear goal in improving his work with the company.

He loves his work so much that he doesn’t even consider it as a job, but a hobby. He is also very loyal to the company. Because of his loyalty to the company, he got promoted into a higher role just before his 35th birthday celebration.

As a team leader aiming for the best of the company, he always seeks for the best possible way to move his team on top.

However, when he asked a co-worker to do a certain job, the co-worker went bananas as she said that she is having a ton of workload and admitted that she is just doing this job for the salary and has really no passion at all to do the assigned tasks.

Joshua, meanwhile, concluded that his co-worker is wrong when she said that she’s getting tons of workload. The truth is that she’s just not doing the best work so she tends to repeat doing it again and again. And because Josh is a mission-driven person, he motivated his co-worker and guided her the proper ways to do better in this job.

Sooner or later, his co-worker was able to accomplish tasks with such precision and has been with the company for 4 years already. It’s true that a team shouldn’t just dream of achieving a goal, but also encouraging and motivating everyone to achieve that goal as one.

Get the party poppers and have a blast

Finally, you’re final project is done and successful. Now, it’s really time to slice up the real pizza and share them to the group.

It’s important for a team to celebrate the littlest to the biggest success they may accomplish. And everyone’s contribution should be appreciated through this. For some, they may also appreciate a specific person for an achievement being brought to the team. On a side note, celebrations doesn’t have to be lavish. A simple sliced bread and coke will do, but we know for some that an incentive or a token from the highest seating position would be more ideal. Anyway, when you do achieve a milestone as a team, always make time to celebrate together to build a stronger and more comfortable relationship with one another.

Scenario:

Joshua is a great team leader and an outstanding individual himself. He does his work on time, neat and clean and of quality. He is also always regarded by his CEO as the top performing employee for the nth time this year.

One day, a massive team project that would open an opportunity for them to be known in the industry has unveiled their interest in their company and that his team would be given a major task to this.

Of course, there’s no doubt that his talent became a great contribution to the team. As a leader, he already made plans for the task to do on a specific day and hour and everything was on sight.

Further, everyone’s capacity to cope with the new environment has never been a problem.

But suddenly, a conflict occurred. One of his needed members was diagnosed with COVID-19.

His presence is very much needed, especially now that this is a big project for them.

Despite the consequences, Joshua managed to adjust to the needed skills to substitute in this part of a project. He piloted the team to their goal and so they did achieved that goal.

They celebrated the successful project and, miraculously, the one diagnosed with the virus has tested negative. During this time, they celebrated not just for the group’s success, but also for their team member who battled a life-and-death situation.

Our workplace speaks volume when teamwork exists. And there’s no doubt that successful organizations value teamwork so highly.

Remember: Teamwork can’t be done without ‘YOU’ and ‘ME’. These tips that we mentioned may be a great help to YOU who’s probably starting your job today. Good luck on your journey!

Photo by Nick Fewings, Josh Calabrese, Hannah Busing, Akson, Va Tay Media, You X Ventures, Ali Yahya and Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Contributors: Joseph Agustin, Krista Allen Castelo, Eunji Cho, Joshua Coronia, Christine Vivien Esguerra, Alquisa Ianna Guiabel, Fiona Las-igan, Joebeth Racho, Eunalee Ricafort, Claudine Joyce Rodriguez and Shaun Marcus Rodriguez

Subject: Culminating Activity, Work Immersion and Simulation

Module 2: Confidentiality in the Workplace and Effective Conflict Resolution and Teamwork Skills

Teacher: Mr. Lanvin Sean Delos Santos

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diyunho · 5 years ago

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The Joker x Reader - “John Wick” Part 2

Y/N left The Organization 3 years ago for the one reason strong enough to make her settle down: love. But after tragedy crushed her to pieces, she decided to leave The Joker and seek refuge with an old friend and mentor - John Wick. Needless to say The King of Gotham can’t accept his wife running away without a word, especially since he didn’t have a chance to tell her things she might want to hear.

Part 1 Part 3

2 Days Later

You walk down on Cherry Lane Street when you lastly get to your destination: the homeless guy begging for change in front of the fence surrounding Yellow Star bus station. You take out your empty vial and a gold coin from your pocket, dropping them in his cup; might as well take advantage of your numerous resources while visiting the area.

“God bless, miss!” the man rattles the container and you whisper:

“I need a refill for this medication from Dr. Wong.”

“Give us one hour,” he replies in a low tone, then louder. “Thank you, miss! God bless!”

So many people around and nobody notices the courier on a bike swiftly retrieving the ampule from the bum’s fingers.

You start walking away, willing to kill some time until your order is ready: it’s a nice morning and it would be better to wait than drive back to John’s house. In the matter of fact, one of your favorite coffee shops in town is just three blocks further and you have to admit you’ve missed the place. Maybe your gracious host wants something too; better call and find out.

“Hello?” he picks up immediately.

“Hi, I’m going to Kavarna. Should I bring you a drink?”

“Oh, absolutely. Large espresso, quadruple shot.”

“You mean heart attack?”

Jonathan laughs, confirming his strong refreshment.

“Yes, I think that’s the other name for it.”

“Suit yourself,” you lift your shoulders up. “I will become a legend by effortlessly killing Baba Yaga. You don’t have a bounty on your head, do you? I can collect the money also.”

“Nope, no bounty,” he informs, amused at your statement.

“Damn… I’m disappointed Mister Wick, but I will still deliver your coffee because we’re friends,” you decide to be lenient.

“I appreciate your effort,” John smirks and Y/N huffs at his cheekiness.

“It will cost you 3 gold coins!”

“Three?! That’s a rip off,” the complaint follows.

“I had to eat your chicken Alfredo so you owe me,” the reminder makes him snicker.

“Fair enough,” he stretches on the couch and rolls his eyes when the doorbell suddenly rings. “Later,” Jonathan cuts it short, wondering who the heck is bothering him this early in the day.

“Byeeee,” you hang up, continuing your promenade towards 87th Avenue.

“Coming!!!!” he yells since the doorbell is obnoxiously pressed over and over again. “I said I’m coming!” John hurries and yanks at the nob, surprised to see your husband as soon as the door is opened. “Mister J,” he sort of greets the uninvited guest.

“Wick,” The Joker sucks on his teeth, barging in the next second. “Is my wife here?” he eyeballs the living room, completely worn out after the recent sleepless nights.

“No,” the simple response is ignored.

“This is my fifth stop in two days,” J emphasizes his unfruitful quest. “I’m a man of many tricks, yet it’s not easy to find her. Do you mind if I take a look around?” your spouse pretends to be polite while stomping up the stairs, not that he got an OK from the owner of the house.

“Yes, I do mind!” John frowns, closely pursuing The King of Gotham.

“That’s too bad, Wick! Call the cops then!” The Joker barks, glancing throughout the 4 bedrooms upstairs. There’s no trace of Y/N and he descends the staircase, remembering there are 3 more bedrooms on the ground level. “She didn’t contact you at all?” he inquires and freezes when the first inspected room reveals a familiar sight adorning the nightstand: a small shrine containing Kase’s framed picture, a folded blue onesie and the tiniest pair of socks.

J approaches the cherished tokens, annoyed at your friend’s stunt.

“She’s not here, hm?!” his clenched jaw makes it difficult to articulate the words.

“She’s not!” John insinuates the obvious, apparently unconcerned by The Joker’s escalating temper. But that’s only on the surface because he knows what your husband is capable of: in his case it never takes more than a push for a total mood switch.

“Don’t play games with me, Wick!! She’s hiding right here!”

“She’s not hiding! If she was, you’d never find her. You were expected to show up: like I said, Y/N is not hiding! You ask if she’s here and she’s not home. Frankly, Mister J, I don’t remember ever trespassing on your property!”

The Clown Prince of Crime stands in the middle of the room with his mouth opened, appalled he’s being lectured.

“You have some nerve, Wick!” he shrieks, struggling not to snap at Jonathan’s honest remarks. “I’m prepared to overlook the outburst with one condition: don’t text her I arrived. I presume you have her new number?...“

***************

After one hour and a half

“Jonathan, I got your coffee!” you enter the empty kitchen, yet there’s no trace of him. “John?” you set the cup on the counter and turn around at the husky intonation:

“He’s in the courtyard.”

You glare at The Joker with mixed feelings; the only ones he can actually read are hate and disgust.

“What do you want?” Y/N sneers.

He’s more than displeased at your bitterness after tracking you down for days: it would be really nice for you to show some gratitude. Unfortunately, that’s not how things work.

“Is that how you address your partner?!”

“Ex-partner!” you persist and J has to say it:

“I wasn’t aware we divorced!”

“I thought my message was clear,” you interrupt his nonsense before it spirals out of control.

“You left without giving me instructions on what to do with the baby stuff,” your estranged spouse grumbles.

“I told you to do whatever you want with the items I left behind!”

“Meaning?!” he shouts, exasperated.

“Donate them, burn them, put them in the garbage. I don’t care! If you’re confused, request help from your girlfriend! I’m certain she’ll be more than happy to oblige!”

The Joker would normally lose it at this point, however there’s something distracting him from going entirely bonkers.

“My what?!...”

“Your mistress, J ! The woman you’ve been dating! Or are you going to play stupid and deny it? I saw you, ok? So don’t even try your sneaky ways! I’m not five years old!! And definitely not an idiot!” you lash out since you have plenty to mention on the subject. “Is that why you didn’t…” and your voice breaks, “… drive Kase to the Penthouse? Because you had a meeting with her?...”

The King of Gotham has no idea what to do with all the accusations thrown at him; it’s obvious no matter what he utters it’s going to fail.

“I don’t have a mistress, alright?!” his index finger goes straight up in the air.

“Then what were you doing at that woman’s house? Was she polishing your gun?!”

To his own amazement, J has to recollect from your criticism the best way he knows how:

“Nobody’s been polishing my gun!”

Your ears are ringing from the outrage building up in your heart, that’s why you barely discern what he’s pronouncing.

“Murderer…” you mumble and that’s enough to stop his defensive rampage: a plain word that’s been used to describe him a million times, yet it never came from Y/N and not with such a heavy connotation. “You…you were supposed to bring my son home in a car… instead he was brought to me in a coffin… O-only three weeks old…”

The Joker would love to retaliate but you’re crying so hard the only sentence coming out is very far from his intended resentment:

“I know I should’ve driven the car… I didn’t… and I can’t take it back. I also know you tried to kill me; I was pretending to be asleep. If you detest me so much, why didn’t you pull the trigger? It was impossible to miss two inches away from my face.”

The lack of an explanation gives J a nudge in the appropriate direction:

“Do you know why I didn’t react at all? I trusted you wouldn’t do it.”

You keep on wiping your tears and John slides the patio door, apologizing in his own residence.

“Umm…Sorry to intrude: someone just tossed this over the fence,” he shows the couple a piece of paper. “Everything good?” he scans the premises since the tense atmosphere worries him, especially Y/N struggling to regain her composure.

“What’s with that paper?” The Joker growls, dismissing the question.

“It’s a message from The Bowery King, requesting a meeting at your and I quote: earliest convenience for urgent business.”

“Urgent business?...” you repeat, sniffling. “Regarding?...”

“It doesn’t specify,” Jonathan hands you the missive and you’re intrigued.

“He never summons anybody unless it’s important… I’m going,” you decide on the spot, jiggling the keys from your car.

“I’m coming too,” J offers to accompany his distressed wife.

“I’m going alone!” you circle around him and the obnoxious comment annoys an already upset Y/N.

“Fine, but I’m coming with you.”

*************

“Please, take a seat,” the man extends his left arm towards the two chairs located in front of his desk. “I was hoping Mister Joker would join us,” he intertwines his fingers while maintaining a calm smile.

“Can you please tell me why I’m here?” you finally speak after not making a sound the whole trip; you found it useless to launch a conversation: the confinement of a car was overwhelming when your undesired escort couldn’t probably wait for a second chance to fight.

“Of course,” the grin widens. “Though I’m afraid I must open a can of worms; I urge you to acknowledge it’s necessary in order to enlighten the mystery of this gathering. No objections? Awesome,” he wiggles in his beat up recliner, delighted to initiate his debriefing. “Mister Joker, is it true that in the past 6 months you’ve been frequenting a certain establishment belonging to a Miss Evelyn Black?”

“Excuse me?” J leans over the desk and you close your eyes, sickened at the already bad vibe given from the strange situation.

“Sir, please keep in mind I am not a judge and I mean no disrespect,” The Bowery King lifts his arms in surrender. “I am merely trying to aid and I swear it with all make sense in the end. So, Mister Joker, did you or did you not?”

Your husband puckers his lips, muttering mostly to himself.

“Yeah.”

“And are you aware Miss Black accommodates a lot of gentlemen with her busy schedule?”

“Is that her name?” you finally growl, numbness taking over. “Six months?” you don’t give J an opportunity to reply to your first inquiry. “You started seeing that woman six months ago?! When I was pregnant with our son?!” the angered wife is slowly transforming into the person she was before leaving the organization and The Bowery King is relying on it. “Did the sight of me carrying our baby gross you out??!!”

“What?!” The Joker snaps. “What are you talking about?! You didn’t gross me out! How dare you meddling in my private affairs?!” J counterattacks the man’s statement, feeling cornered from both sides. “Who do you think you are, hm?!”

“I didn’t blame you for anything Mister Joker,” the devious individual affirms. “Like I said, I’m no judge.”

“Then what’s the point of this charade?” your spouse yells and it’s a great relief humiliation can’t be measured because you probably surpassed the threshold.

“Did you know that Magnus Stonnenberg is one of her passionate admirers?” The King’s revelation drops the hint and your body instantly stiffens.

“No! Why the hell should I care?!” J yells, unable to control his disposition after what he perceives to be a despicable insult.

“Magnus… Magnus was just declared ex-communicado two days ago,” you disclose, puzzled. “I was at the Continental when it happened: he killed Anuscka Volovdya on hotel’s ground.”

“He sure did,” the man agrees. “Do you know why?”

“If you don’t quit this show, I’m gonna blow your brains out! I don’t care I’m on your territory!” The Joker’s psychotic gaze underlines the threat he’s ready to fulfill; the Soup Kitchen owner takes a deep breath, rushing towards the conclusion.

“Magnus Stonnenberg is a very jealous man, Mister Joker. Maybe he didn’t like the fact you were spending so much time with the lady he adores; he might have even thought you’re her new favorite. There were…” and The Bowery King pauses,”…reported instances when he allegedly attacked, wounded or even killed men that got too close to Miss Black.”

“And how the fuck is this relevant to me?!” your husband is preparing to jump over the desk and squeeze the life out of your insolent host.

“If I may be brutally blunt, sir,” The Bowery King accentuates each term, “you’re a man nobody likes to mess with. So maybe instead of a face to face confrontation, Stonnenberg might have chosen a different approach: if you took something he loved from him, maybe he took something you loved from you?”

“What are you saying?” you ask, perplexed. “He was involved in the car crash that killed my baby?!”

The Joker momentarily forgot his indignation since he can’t believe the sentences pouring out of the man comfortably resting in the recliner.

“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying,” The Bowery King smirks. “There’s only one important detail though: your son was removed from the car before it was smashed to pieces.”

J gasps and you cover your mouth with shaky fingers, sobbing at the unexpected revelation.

“My… my son’s alive??!!”

“This is what I managed to find out from my sources: Magnus plotted for a while, waiting for the perfect occasion to strike. The opportunity arose when your child was send home in the vehicle with just one driver at the stop light on Montgomery Avenue; as you know the area is pretty much abandoned. The driver might have thought it was safe to take a deserted route, yet it was Stonnenberg’s chance to strike. It’s not hard to kill one chauffeur, remove a three weeks old from his car seat and replace him with God knows what. It’s not hard if you have accomplices also.”

You’re becoming increasingly agitated and The Joker’s intimidating silence prompts last bits of information.

“It seems Anuscka Volovdya was one of Magnus’s main conspirators. When he didn’t pay her the promised price, she menaced to jeopardize the entire operation. Two days ago at the Continental, Anuscka found out you were there and she planned to confess. Magnus couldn’t have that happen so he executed her even if that resulted in him being declared ex-communicado. I assume it’s better to have your revenge no matter the consequences, if the final result is the same: you’ll never know your son didn’t die in the car accident.”

“Are you sure Kase is still alive? Where is he?” Y/N whispers in disbelief.

“Not sure, but I’m working on finding out as we speak,” The Bowery King reassures and you abruptly stand up from your chair, deciding it’s time to bail.

“Thank you very much! Spare no expense in finding out what really happened to my baby! I will be back with compensation,” you storm out of the room and The Joker follows, fuming at the shocking news.

“Slow down, would you?” J grabs your hand and it’s enough to make you burst. You aggressively push him away, hissing:

“This is all your fault! You couldn’t keep it in your pants and now I have no idea where our baby is! I don’t know if anybody feeds him, changes him or holds him!! Or maybe he was abandoned in a ditch to die anyway!!”

“I didn’t sleep with that woman, do you understand?! What the hell is wrong with everybody?!”

Y/N has no more tears to cry and no more endurance for lies; she has a purpose again and it doesn’t include the man she considers her ex.

You rush on the convoluted hallways, ignoring his justifications and almost bite one of The King men’s head off that is brave enough to verbalize what the rest of the crew is curious about:

“Hey Y/N, are you back?”

“YES, I AM BACK!!” the ferocious attitude makes him shrivel up while placing his rags in the locker:

“Jesus, I was just asking…” he quietly protests, glad to see you are exiting the building without further retribution.

You are the first one to get in the car and immediately lock it before J gets in.

“Hey, open up!” he knocks on the window and has to step aside when you race out of the parking lot in a frenzy.

“Are you serious?” he flares his arms around when John steadily drives up to him; your friend was patiently waiting outside since he didn’t want to intrude on the meeting.

“Need a ride?” Jonathan suggests and The Clown gets in the SUV, simmering with vexation. “What happened?” the question instigates a candid reaction:

“I fucked up.”

Also read: MASTERLIST

You can follow me on Ao3 and Wattapad under the same blog name: DiYunho.

#the joker x reader #the joker fanfiction #the joker imagine #john wick imagine #john wick x reader #the joker jared leto #the joker suicide squad #joker #joker fanfiction #joker suicide squad #joker jared leto #dc #dcu #mister j #Mistah J

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yescs2020 · 4 years ago

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apparently this list was blocked in Canada and Cuba and all it is is somebody’s opinion: By Hannah Mylrea- 8th September 2020 “Every Taylor Swift song ranked in order of greatness She's one of the greatest pop stars in the world, and she's released the official lockdown album in 'Folklore'. But which is Tay's single best song of all time?” article with rankings starts here:

A few months ago Taylor Swift did something totally un-Swiftian, and surprise released her latest record ‘Folklore’. The indie-inspired album, which featured collaborations with Bon Iver and The National‘s Aaron Dessner, was remarkable and unexpected, and another example of the bold moves Swift has navigated throughout her career.

From the country of her early albums to the glittering synth-pop of ‘1989’ and experimental sounds of ‘Reputation’, this is an artist who’s constantly reinvented her sound. Yet at the core of it one thing remains: Swift’s sheer songwriting talent. It’s worth remembering that Taylor is the person who wrote ‘Love Story’ in 20minutes on her bedroom floor when she was only a teenager.

Now, almost a decade-and-a-half into her career, we look back on Swift’s glittering discography and rank every single one of her songs. That’s right: all 161 of ’em.

A few caveats to begin with – no officially unreleased songs have been included, nor songs that are “featuring Taylor Swift”. Anything written under a pseudonym has also been forgone (so her credit as Nils Sjöberg ‘This Is What You Came For’ isn’t given a look in). We have, however, included officially released cover songs – so that includes all of the Swifty renditions on the ‘Speak Now World Tour Live’ record and her bevvy of Christmas covers.

Additional words: El Hunt, Nick Reilly

161‘Christmases When You Were Mine’ (2007)

There’ve been a handful of Swift-does-Christmas moments over the years. Some are truly lovely – but this original tune from 2007 EP ‘The Taylor Swift Holiday Collection’ is not one of them.

160‘Superstar’ (2008)

A syrupy song about Swift fancying a celebrity, the puppy love of ‘Superstar’ is innocuous but bland.

159‘You Are in Love’ (2014)

A sweet bonus track from ‘1989’, it’s inoffensive but you can see why it was only bunged on the end of the deluxe edition of the album.

158‘White Christmas’ (2007)

This festive cover is absolutely fine – nothing more, nothing less.

157‘Silent Night’ (2007)

A cover of the classic Christmas carol, Swift well and truly puts her stamp on Franz Xaver Gruber’s song. Growing to a melodramatic finale, it’s an overblown rendition.

156‘Beautiful Ghosts’ (2019)

Written by Swift and musical theatre composer Andrew Lloyd Webber for last year’s film adaptation of Cats, this is a bit slushy. But, no, we wouldn’t say it’s a CAT-astrophe.

155‘Christmas Must Be Something More’ (2007)

Another festive tune: this time Swift questions the commercial nature of Christmas over rootin’ tootin’ country instrumentals, concluding that December 25th is actually about “the birthday boy who saved our lives”. Happy birthday JC!

154‘Umbrella’ (2008)

An acoustic cover from Swift’s ‘iTunes Live from SoHo’ EP. It’s nice, but little more to it.

153‘American Girl’ (2009)

A cover of the Tom Petty classic, you can’t deny it’s a beast of a song. But this slowed down rendition saps some of the energy out of it.

152‘Last Christmas’ (2007)

There’s plenty of Christmas joy in this cover, but it doesn’t have a patch on the Wham! classic.

151‘King of My Heart’ (2017)

This electro-pop moment has a sweet sentiment: that the extravagance of past relationships isn’t what Swift wants anymore, and now this new love interest could be The One (“Is this the end of all the endings? / My broken bones are mending”). But this soppiness is delivered over jittery instrumentation, which three years on already sounds dated.

150‘If This Was A Movie’ (2010)

A bonus track from ‘Speak Now’, ‘If This Was a Movie’ is frustratingly repetitive. With its droning guitar licks and dreary chorus, it stutters towards the finish line.

149‘Last Kiss’ (2010)

A plodding waltz from ‘Speak Now’. Fine, but by no means vintage Taylor.

148‘Santa Baby’ (2007)

A twee cover of the iconic Christmas song, it’s a sauceless version of the usually sultry festive bop.

147‘I Did Something Bad’ (2017)

A cavernous slab of EDM, this was basically Swift proving that she’s a good girl gone bad. The devilish lyrics are fun (“They say I did something bad / Then why’s it feel so good?”), the dubstep-laced hook of “Ra-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-da-da” less so.

146‘You’re Not Sorry’ (2008)

Imagine Swift doing Eurovision – this is what ‘You’re Not Sorry’ sounds like. Filled with melodramatic piano chords and overdone vocals, it’s a histrionic ballad that you can imagine accompanied with bombastic visuals and a ton of pyro.

145‘Girl At Home’ (2012)

The bubbling ‘Girl at Home’ fuses the driving country of ‘Red’ with bleeping 8-bit sounds, and is a sweet but bland tune.

144‘Come Back… Be Here’ (2012)

A weepy ballad where Swift reminisces over a lost love, this is uneventful – but fair play to Swift for managing to get “nonchalant” into a pop song.

143‘I Want You Back’ (2011)

A cover of The Jackson 5 taken from the from live album ‘Speak Now World Tour – Live’, this 90-second cover is short, sweet and absolutely fine.

142‘The Way I Loved You’ (2008)

A bit of a head-banging country moment, ‘The Way I Love You’ lacks the radio-ready hooks and megawatt moments of Swift’s other tunes.

141‘So It Goes…’ (2017)

An ethereal synth-pop moment laced with EDM and trap, this ‘Reputation’ cut is sleepy filler.

140‘Sweet Escape’ (2011)

This Gwen Stefani cover is deliciously entertaining, with Swift spitting out the tongue-twister pre-chorus of “Cause I’ve been acting like sour milk that fell on the floor / It’s your fault you didn’t shut the refrigerator” and almost nailing it. Taken from the Target DVD version of ‘Speak Now World Tour – Live’, is an intriguing rendition.

139‘This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things’ (2017)

This song was written as a response to the media after they criticised her decision to throw big parties for her pals and get them up on stage during the tour for ‘1989’ – things she considered “nice things”; a powerful sentiment, but an acquired taste.

138‘Haunted’ (2010)

Sounding like it should be accompanying a wild fantasy movie, with over-the-top strings and belted vocals, ‘Haunted’ feels like the younger sibling to Swift’s fairy-tale epics such as ‘Love Story’. They’re fine, but lack the nuance that some of her enchanting, happy ending filled romances boast.

137‘Long Live’ (2010)

A fairly pedestrian song from ‘Speak Now’, ‘Long Live’ is a fairly generic slice.

136‘Ours’ (2010)

With its muted acoustic instrumentals and mawkish lyrics, ‘Speak Now’ is sickly sweet.

135‘Breathe’ feat. Colbie Caillat (2008)

A sleepy, acoustic number that sees Swift teaming up with American singer-songwriter Colbie Caillat, it’s a largely forgettable tune taken from ‘Fearless’.

134‘Drops of Jupiter’ (2011)

Another cover from the ‘Speak Now’ live album, this rendition of Train’s 2001 hit ‘Drops of Jupiter’ is a stripped-back version of the bombastic pop rock song.

133‘…Ready for It?’ (2017)

This slab of industrial pop opens Swift’s ‘Reputation’. With its dubstep wubs, EDM beats and trappy instrumentals, this messy number feels like a tug of war between this collection of different genres.

132‘September’ (2018)

Earth, Wind & Fire, but make it Swifty! Recorded for the Spotify Singles series, this stripped back cover is lovely. Plus it features a typically Swiftian Easter egg, where she changes the opening line of “Do you remember the 21st night of September?” to the 28th night, a cute tribute to her anniversary with boyfriend Joe Alwyn.

131‘This Love’ (2014)

A weepy moment from ‘1989’, ‘This Love’ feels remarkably maudlin when nestled in-between the bevvy of synth-pop bops that Swift’s fifth album holds.

130‘A Place In This World’ (2006)

Written when she was just 13 years old, ‘A Place In This World’, it feels like a glimpse into a Swift’s secret diary. Opening with the wonderfully teenage: “I don’t know what I want, so don’t ask me”, it’s the musical equivalent of telling your mum that she just doesn’t understand you!

129‘Superman’ (2010)

If you were ever imagining what Taylor Swift covering McFly would sound like – this could be it. The cheesy ‘Speak Now’ bonus track is filled with adolescent lyrics (“I watch superman fly away / Come back, I’ll be with you someday”), and is topped off with a pop-punk tinged chorus.

128‘I Heart?’ (2008)

Taken from Swift’s second EP ‘Beautiful Eyes’ – one that was exclusively released in Walmart in the US – this is a lovely country bop.

127‘A Perfectly Good Heart’ (2006)

An absolutely fine slice of country-pop from TayTay’s first album. On ‘A Perfectly Good Heart’ Swift depicts her very first experience of heartbreak. It’s one of her earliest breakup ballads, but quasi-emotive couplets like “It’s not unbroken anymore / How do I get it back the way it was before?” fail to pack the emotional punch some of Swift’s later tunes do.

126‘Untouchable’ (2008)

This cover of rock band Luna Halo’s ‘Untouchable’ is sweet, but largely unexciting.

125‘Jump Then Fall’ (2008)

A bonus track taken from the platinum edition of ‘Fearless’. Swift herself has described the song as “really bouncy and happy and lovey”. It’s an accurate description, as the bouncing banjo-led number is sickly sweet, but lacks much depth.

124‘Sad Beautiful Tragic’ (2012)

A weeper taken from ‘Red’, this gloomy tune sees Swift reflect on a relationship that was a “sad, beautiful, tragic love affair”.

123‘Bette Davis Eyes’ (2011)

A song popularised by Californian singer-songwriter Kim Carnes in 1981, Taylor’s live cover of ‘Bette Davis Eyes’ is nice but innocuous.

122‘Breathless’ (2010)

A uninspired cover of American alt-rockers Better Than Ezra’s ‘Breathless’, Swift performed the tune for Hope for Haiti Now: A Global Benefit for Earthquake Relief in 2010 (with her version later appearing on live album ‘Hope for Haiti Now’).

121‘Look What You Made Me Do’ (2017)

It’s only TayTay sampling Right Said Fred’s ‘I’m Too Sexy’! The bolshy ‘Reputation’ lead single saw Swift giving a massive middle-finger up to the haters, and accompanied her comeback after a year-long hiatus. It impact was huge at the time, but in the meantime ‘Look What You Made Me Do’ feels like a bit of a mis-step.

120‘Crazier’ (2009)

It appeared on the soundtrack for ‘Hannah Montana: The Movie’, and critics said it was the best song in the film. Bad luck, Miley.

119‘Eyes Open’ (2012)

From the soundtrack to The Hunger Games, ‘Eyes Open’ sees Swift go stadium rock. Too bad hair-whipping number’s repetitive chorus begins to grate.

118‘Nashville’ (2011)

A cover of Nashville-based singer-songwriter David Mead’s ‘Nashville’, this cover (taken from the Target exclusive version ‘Speak Now World Tour – Live’; yes, we’re really into the deep-cuts here) is pretty impassioned .

117‘Invisible’ (2006)

On this lacklustre cut from Swift’s eponymous debut album ‘Invisible’, she laments feeling invisible to the boy she fancies. It’s a bleak sentiment, and the emotive instrumentals in ‘Invisible’ mimic this.

116‘Hoax’ (2020)

The least memorable moment from the fantastic ‘Folklore’, this slow, waltzing tune is inoffensive, but lacks excitement.

115‘London Boy’ (2019)

The lyrics to this ‘Lover’ cut are wild. On ‘London Boy’ Swift proudly asserts her love for the nation’s capital, listing her fave places (including Brixton, Shoreditch, Highgate and for some God-forsaken reason “walking Camden Market in the afternoon”). With a bizarre spoken word intro from James Corden and Idris Elba, it’s cringe and weirdly entertaining in equal measures.

114‘Wonderland’ (2014)

It’s Swift does EDM, and it’s total chaos (albeit with a chorus that’ll be frustratingly caught in your head for weeks on end).

113‘Tied Together with a Smile’ (2006)

A bonus track from the debut album, ‘Tied Together With a Smile’ was written the day Swift found out one of her best mates was bulimic. An early indicator of Swift’s impressive turn of phrase (“And you’re tied together with a smile / But you’re coming undone”), it’s a lovely country moment.

112‘Beautiful Eyes’ (2008)

The title track from Swift’s EP of the same name, ‘Beautiful Eyes’ is an underrated stomper from TayTay’s extended discography.

111‘This Is Me Trying’ (2020)

A slow-burner from ‘Folklore’, this soft ballad sees Swift grapple with accepting blame for a crumbling relationship.

110‘My Tears Ricochet’ (2020)

This Jack Antonoff produced tune from ‘Folklore’ is about an “embittered tormentor showing up at the funeral of his fallen object of obsession.” Although fairly unremarkable, it does include the brilliantly Swiftian put-down: “And if I’m dead to you, why are you at the wake?” Ooft.

109‘Me!’ feat. Brendon Urie of Panic! at the Disco (2019)

A saccharine collaboration with Panic! at the Disco’s Brendon Urie, this semi-irritating (and unbearably catchy) tune is an absolutely fine single from Miss Swift. Although it gained several places in our ranking after Swift removed the “Spelling is fun!” lyric.

108‘Come In With the Rain’ (2008)

‘Come In With The Rain’ sees Taylor showing off the country-pop that defined her early years. It’s a nostalgic snapshot at Taylor’s life before world domination became the main priority. NR

107‘Cold As You’ (2006)

As Shakespeare once wrote in ‘Sonnet 18’ – “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” If it’s Tay Tay you’re asking, then absolutely not. Instead, this break-up ballad compares thee to a grey, dreary and completely sodden wash-out of a day. EH

106‘Never Grow Up’ (2010)

Taken from ‘Speak Now’, this ballad moment peers out into a dimly lit crowd, and sees Swift dealing out her best life advice for younger fans in particular. “I look out into a crowd every night and I see a lot of girls that are my age and going through exactly the same things as I’m going through,” she’s said. “Every once in a while I look down and I see a little girl who is seven or eight, and I wish I could tell her all of this. There she is becoming who she is going to be and forming her thoughts and dreams and opinions. I wrote this song for those little girls.” EH

105‘Bad Blood’ feat. Kendrick Lamar (2017)

This Kendrick Lamar-featuring cut would have been right at home on Taylor Swift’s villainous ‘Reputation’ – a record on which she embraced her false depictions in the media, and ran with them. Instead, though, it felt like an outlier on ‘1989’. Swift herself said that it’s a song about a friendship with a fellow pop star that turned sour: “She basically tried to sabotage an entire arena tour,” she told Rolling Stone. “She tried to hire a bunch of people out from under me.” EH

104‘Afterglow’ (2019)

It’s a crying shame that the track fails to live up to its title. There’s little that live longs in the memory about this drum-driven number from ‘Lover’. NR

103‘The Other Side of the Door’ (2008)

A slightly slept-on fan favourite, ‘The Other Side of the Door’ features a deliciously dramatic guitar solo and even more melodrama. Like so: “I said, ‘leave’, but all I really want is you to stand outside my window throwing pebbles screaming ‘I’m in love with you’’. Exquisite. EH

102‘Soon You’ll Get Better’ feat. the Chicks (2019)

Featuring country music icons The Chicks, ‘Soon You’ll Get Better’ is one of Swift’s most personal songs; both of her parents have had cancer, and this year the singer confirmed that her mother Andrea has been diagnosed with a brain tumour. It’s a difficult listen precisely because it’s so incredibly honest. “I hate to make this all about me but who am I supposed to talk to?” she asks. “What am I supposed to do if there’s no you?” EH

101‘Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince’ (2019)

A slow burning, electro-pop moment that’s meant for soundtracking a moody walk to the shops in the rain.

100‘Ronan’ (2012)

One of Swift’s most affecting ballads, this song pieces together quotes from a blog by a mother named Maya Thompson, who wrote about her journey with four-year-old son Ronan, who died from a rare cancer called neuroblastoma in 2011. Swift credited his mum as a co-writer and donated all the proceeds to charity. EH

99‘Stay Beautiful’ (2006)

This twanging debut cut is dedicated to the high school crush that Swifty never worked up the courage to ask out; and by the time he moved away, it was too late. “After hearing my songs, a lot of people ask me, `How many boyfriends have you had?’” she said of the song. “And I always tell them that more of my songs come from observation than actual experience. In other words, you don’t have to date someone to write a song about them. This is a song I wrote about a guy I never dated!” EH

98‘Tell Me Why’ (2008)

Despite including the brilliantly searing take-down of “You could write a book on how to ruin someone’s perfect day” this up-tempo bop is errs on the side of humdrum.

97‘The Outside’ (2006)

One of the first songs Swift ever wrote, ‘The Outside’ speaks to the feeling of being a misfit growing up: “So how can I ever try to be better?” she asks, “Nobody ever lets me in”. EH

96‘Getaway Car’ (2017)

This banger from ‘Reputation’ references novelist Charles Dickens, epic war film The Great Escape, a runaway Bonnie and Clyde and even various meta details from Swift’s own romantic life. EH

95‘Mirrorball’ (2020)

In her candid 2020 documentary Miss Americana, Taylor Swift speaks about the struggle of your every move being followed by an audience and remarks that many women, particularly in pop, are “discarded in an elephant graveyard by the time they’re 35.” Broadly, this is what ‘Mirrorball’ seems to be about; balancing her skill for performing with the huge pressure of constant reinvention. “All I do is try, try, try I’m still on that trapeze,” she says, “I’m still trying everything, to keep you looking at me””. EH

94‘Change’ (2008)

Delivered as an official anthem for the 2008 US Olympic Team, here’s a track that sees Swift exploring the idea of overcoming adversity on the road to success. It’s easy to be cynical about it all, but it gave Swift her first US top 10, so maybe that message got through after all. NR

93‘Innocent’ (2010)

Sometimes the best revenge is to take the moral high ground. And performing at the MTV VMAs – where Kanye West infamously snatched the mic from Taylor Swift mid-acceptance speech – Swift appeared to get hers by playing ‘Innocent’. “You’re 32 and still growing up now,” she sings. Guess how old West was when he declared “I’mma let you finish, but…” Yep. EH

92‘Begin Again’ (2012)

Marking one of ‘Red’’s more pointed returns to her country roots, ‘Begin Again is, according to Swift, “about when you’ve gotten through a really bad relationship and you finally dust yourself off and go on that first date after a horrible breakup, and the vulnerability that goes along with all that”. EH

91‘I Know Places’ (2014)

Ahead of making ‘1989’ Swift long harboured ambitions of working with Ryan Tedder – most recognisable as the lead vocalist of One Republic and record producer for everyone from Adele to Lady Gaga. And their eventual collaboration came about on ‘I Know Places’ – a song that explores falling in love amid high pressure fame, and finding places to outrun the cameras. EH

90‘The Lucky One’ (2012)

Speculation orbits around ‘The Lucky One’ – which dissects the more taxing sides of fame that people don’t speak about. “Now it’s big black cars, and Riviera views, and your lover in the foyer doesn’t even know you,” Swift sings, “and your secrets end up splashed on the news front page”. Fans reckon it’s about everyone from Joni Mitchell and Shania Twain to Kim Wilde. Possibly, it could also be a reflection of Swift’s future fears. EH

89‘You Need to Calm Down’ (2019)

Delivering an effective riposte to endless streams of internet trolls can often prove to be the toughest of tasks. It’s testament to Swift then, that she managed to deliver a swift fuck you, all packaged up in the shape of a bonafide banger. Bow down. NR

88‘How You Get the Girl’ (2014)

The 10th track from ‘1989’ is like the less sabotage-hungry answer to Robyn’s ‘Call Your Girlfriend’ – here, Taylor’s full with useful tips for winning an ex back after an unwise dumping. She’s even got a script ready. “And then you say: “I want you for worse or for better, I would wait forever and ever,” she sings, “broke your heart / I’ll put it back together.” EH

87‘New Year’s Day’ (2017)

The groggy clear up that takes place after a raucous New Year’s house party has never sounded so idyllic – despite the fact their entire floor is splattered with glitter and stale old beer spilling out of half-empty bottles, Swift’s just happy to have a worthy clean-up buddy. “I want your midnights,” she sings, “but I’ll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year’s Day” Sometimes those small, mundane moments are just as romantic. EH

86‘Dress’ (2017)

By a mile the steamiest cut from ‘Reputation’, this slinking song details the pang of secret lust in breathy falsetto. “Carve your name into my bedpost, ‘cause I don’t want you like a best friend,” Swifty pleads. “Only bought this dress so you could take it off.” Get it, girl! EH

85‘Mary’s Song (Oh My My My)’ (2006)

This debut album cut is archetypal vintage Swift, drawing on the people around her for storytelling material. Twanging and country-pop, ‘Mary’s Song (Oh My My My)’ borrows Swift’s next door neighbour – and her long, rock-solid marriage – as a protagonist. “I’ll be 87, you’ll be 89,” she sings wistfully, “I’ll still look at you like the stars that shine in the sky.” EH

84‘Christmas Tree Farm’ (2019)

Sure, it’s cheesier than an explosion at the Kraft factory, but this track sees Taylor successfully using the festive season to look back on her own childhood (she grew up on a Christmas tree farm). Christmas is now Swiftmas. NR

83‘Everything Has Changed’ feat. Ed Sheeran (2012)

Warm, fuzzy, and firmly hanging onto its rose-tinted glasses, this collaboration from ‘Red’ has a cutesy video to match, featuring miniature child versions of the pop stars. EH

82‘Should’ve Said No’ (2006)

“It’s strange to think the songs we used to sing, the smiles, the flowers, everything is gone; yesterday I found out about you,” sings Swift in the opening lines of this debut album cut – which exposes a boyfriend for cheating, and proceeds to rip him apart atop country-rock guitars and a ripper of a string solo. EH

81‘The Last Time’ feat. Gary Lightbody (2012)

On this intensely catchy anthem from ‘Red’, Swift teams up with none other than gruff-vocaled Gary Lightbody from Snow Patrol – lighters in the air, everyone. EH

80‘Starlight’ (2012)

This ‘Red’ cut sees Swift transporting back to the 1940s – inspired by a photo of two loved-up teenagers dancing together. The teenagers in the photograph were actually US senator Bobby Kennedy and his future wife Ethel, and ‘Starlight’ imagines their adventures early on. “I ended up meeting Ethel and going and playing it for her,” she wrote of the song, “and she just loved it,”. EH

79‘The Best Day’ (2009)

R’The Best Day’ is one of Swift’s earliest odes to her mother Andrea. Recalling her happy childhood, it’s a sweet, if somewhat cloying look at the early years of the planet’s biggest pop star. NR

78‘I’m Only Me When I’m With You’ (2006)

Easily one of the more head-banging moments of Swift’s debut – with the hardest slapping violin solo of 2006 – ‘I’m Only Me When I’m with You’ is dedicated to the singer’s best mate Abigail Anderson, who also features in the video. EH

77‘It’s Nice to Have a Friend’ (2019

A minimal intermingling of steel drums and choral backing vocals, ‘It’s Nice to Have a Friend’ arrives near the end of Swift’s ‘Lover’ – and also features some snow-tinted nostalgia, and slightly rogue but highly enjoyable brass solo. EH

76‘The Moment I Knew’ (2012)

Nine years ago, Taylor Swift had a right stinker of a 21st birthday – her ex boyfriend never showed, and left her sobbing beneath the Christmas lights (her birthday is on the 13th December). Still, at least it inspired this deluxe edition ‘Red’ song. EH

75‘Paper Rings’ (2019)

This fidgety cut from ‘Lover’ is Swifty’s big jitterbug moment – singing about her current boyfriend Joe Alwyn, she declares that she’s willing to chuck aside all her magpie tendencies just to be with him. “I like shiny things, but I’d marry you with paper rings,” she sings. Loved up – and thrifty! EH

74‘Only The Young’ (2020)

‘Only The Young’ saw Taylor truly nailing her political colours to the mast for the first time. Tackling gun violence and providing a message of hope for the next generation, Taylor emerged as the activist we all need right now. NR

73‘Treacherous’ (2012)

One of the quieter moments from ‘Red’, ‘Treacherous’ eventually grows to a subtle roar, and details a pairing that’s gradually unravelling like a ball of twine. “All we are is skin and bone, trained to get along / Forever going with the flow,” she sings, “but you’re friction”. EH

72‘Better Than Revenge’ (201)

Across Taylor Swift’s entire back catalogue, ‘Better than Revenge’ is perhaps best suited to soundtracking an angsty high school drama; think along the lines of 10 Things I Hate About You. It has its fair share of cutting one-liners, too. Case in point: “no amount of vintage dresses gives you dignity”. Burn. EH

71‘I Wish You Would’ (2014)

Co-written with frequent collaborator Jack Antonoff, ‘I Wish You Would’ started with a guitar line Antonoff sent to Swift during her Red tour – and it eventually evolved into this slightly Haim-ish pop juggernaut. Lyrically, it tells the story of a heartbroken protagonist who watches her window in the middle of the night and notices that headlights keep flickering past at the same time. “It’s two AM, here we are,” she sings for the big reveal, “I see your face, hear my voice in the dark.” EH

70‘Stay Stay Stay’ (2012)

If there’s anyone who specialises in nailing the many sides of romance, it’s Tay Tay – case in point, ‘Stay Stay Stay’. The song’s placed immediately after the defiant break-up anthem ‘We Are Never Getting Back Together’ on ‘Red’ – and in many ways, it’s that song’s foil. Atop chronically catchy ukulele, she details a more generous kind of love that’s still worth fighting for. EH

69‘Sweeter Than Fiction’ (2013)

Taken from the soundtrack for the movie One Chance, this John Hughes-channelling tune is a new-wave belter that forecast the shimmering synth-pop of Swift’s fifth album ‘1989’.

68‘False God’ (2019)

A sultry, R&B ballad filled with religious imagery and trap beats, ‘False God’ finds Swift all grown up.

67‘Don’t Blame Me’ (2017)

This thundering, foot-stomping, fist-pumping moment from ‘Reputation’ will make you want to set fire to your ex’s car (in the best possible way).

66‘August’ (2020)

This Jack Antonoff co-write from ‘Folklore’ is a melancholic dream-pop ballad. Part of a trio of songs that Swift has dubbed the Teenage Love Triangle, ‘August’ is the tune that comes from the point of view of the other woman, telling the story of forbidden love.

65‘The Lakes’ (2020)

The ethereal ‘Folklore’ bonus track sees TayTay channel the Lake Poets in a romantic number about love, resilience and the Lake District.

64‘Daylight’ (2019)

The lovely final song on ‘Lover’ is wistful number about healing, hope and healthy new relationships.

63‘Welcome to New York’ (2014)

The opening track on ‘1989’, ‘Welcome to New York’ ushers you into the sleek synth-pop world of Swift’s fifth album. With its bouncing bassline and hand-clapped beats, it’s a bombastic tribute to the Big Apple.

62‘I Forgot That You Existed’ (2019)

There comes a moment while growing up when you just stop caring about what everybody else thinks of you. The fizzing opening track on ‘Lover’ celebrates this, with TayTay rejoicing in the peace and quiet brought on by not giving a shit about the haters.

61‘Hey Stephen’ (2008)

‘Hey Stephen’ is the stuff of gooey rom-coms. “‘Cause I can’t help it if you look like an angel,” Swift sings over warm instrumentation, “can’t help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain”. It’s wonderfully schmaltzy stuff, and comes with a chorus you’ll sing full belt after a Tinder-date-gone-right – just don’t let the date hear you.

60‘I Almost Do’ (2012)

‘I Almost Do’, Swift’s explained, is “about the conflict that you feel when you want to take someone back, and you want to give it another try, but you know you can’t”. Exploring the internal battle between moving forward and looking back, the poignant ballad fuses country-pop with soft-rock, and the result is a brutally honest and quietly powerful song.

59‘I Think He Knows’ (2019)

This sharp-edged, upbeat moment from ‘Lover’ would have stood up well as a single – charting those early will-they-won’t-they moments complete with suggestive sighs. EH

58‘Mad Woman’ (2020)

This ‘Folklore’ track skewers the sexist trope of angry women being branded hysterical. “Every time you call me crazy, I get more crazy,” she claps back, rising to the challenge, “what about that?” EH

57‘Peace’ (2020)

Like much of ‘Folklore’, the sparse ‘Peace’ ponders how much life has changed, and celebrates a partnership strong enough to withstand the soaring highs and painful lows alike. EH

56‘Picture to Burn’ (2006)

Peak debut album angst, ‘Picture to Burn’ is jam-packed with sizzlingly mean one liners. Case in point: “I hate that stupid old pickup truck you never let me drive / You’re a redneck heartbreak who’s really bad at lying”. EH

55‘Fearless’ (2008)

Taylor Swift wrote the title track for her second album while touring her self-titled debut – whisked away from everyday life, the song muses on the perfect rainy first date. “I wanna ask you to dance right there, in the middle of the parking lot,” she says. EH

54‘Seven’ (2020)

Chiming and reflective, this string-adorned ‘Folklore’ track sees Swift hark back to childhood: “please picture me in the trees,” goes the opening line, throwing back to the Pennsylvanian Christmas tree farm where she grew up. It’s a snapshot of being young and carefree while real life gradually creeps into the picture – the song appears to be addressed to a friend who had a difficult upbringing. EH

53‘Call It What You Want’ (2017)

As far as years go, Taylor Swift’s 2016 was relatively tumultuous, featuring the whole ‘Famous’ lyrics debacle feud with Kanye West and Kim Kardashian and two very public break-ups. ‘Call It What You Want’ appears to address the singer weathering that particular series of storms, and finding quiet contentment with partner Joe Alwyn. “Call it what you want,” sings a smitten Swifty: she doesn’t care what people think any more. EH

52‘Death By A Thousand Cuts’ (2019)

Apparently inspired by the 2019 film Someone Great (which in part took influence from Swift’s ‘1989’ closer ‘Clean’) this upbeat track from ‘Lover’ seems to get inside the head of the film’s music journalist protagonist right before she flees heartbreak to another city. “I ask the traffic lights if it’ll be alright,” Swift sings, “they say, “I don’t know”. EH

51‘Dear John’ (2010)

Is ‘Dear John’ about Taylor Swift’s short-lived relationship with the musician John Mayer? Well – John Mayer certainly thinks so: he told Rolling Stone he was “humiliated” by the song, and added that “it was a really lousy thing for her to do.” Tay Tay remained tight-lipped “How presumptuous!” she told New York Daily News. EH

50‘End Game’ feat. Ed Sheeran and Future (2017)

Taylor’s own homage to the R&B-laced slow jam, ‘End Game’ is less spiky than the rest of ‘Reputation’ – instead Swift muses on wanting her relationship to last forever, while Ed Sheeran and Future chip in with punny takes on reputations that precede them. EH

49‘White Horse’ (2008)

The dual-Grammy winning ‘White Horse’ is wonderfully understated moment. Filled with romantic, fairy-tale imagery, it’s run through a realist filter that makes it like the older, more sceptical sister to ‘Love Story’. It’s one of the best Swift heart-break ballads.

48‘Epiphany’ (2020)

The warm, unpretentious ‘Epiphany’ is an exquisite ‘Folklore’ song. Filled with powerful instrumentals that could have fallen off the latest Bon Iver record and Aaron Dessner’s glittering production, it sees Swift go full-on indie.

47‘The Archer’ (2019)

The minimalist The Archer is a meditative moment from ‘Lover’. Filled with ambient synths and soft instrumentals, as Swift discloses her own insecurities in a remarkably vulnerable way.

46‘Holy Ground’ (2012)

This galloping soft-rock moment celebrates whirlwind romances, and comes with a chorus perfect for shouting along to on road trips.

45‘I Don’t Wanna Live Forever’ with Zayn Malik (2017)

Look, it might have come from the soundtrack to the Fifty Shades of Grey sequel; but that doesn’t mean that Taylor’s collab with ex-1D member Zayn isn’t a bit of a banger. All sensual electro-pop and breathless vocals, this sultry number deserved better than the film it was soundtracking.

44‘Betty’ (2020)

This swaying folk-rock tune tells the tale of a cheating boyfriend trying to apologise for his indiscretions is a highlight of ‘Folklore’. With its woozy harmonica riffs and chiming vocals, it’s a beaut.

43‘All You Had to Do Was Stay’ (2014)

A sweltering synth-pop banger that comes off like Carly Rae Jepsen’s ‘Emotion’ meets Lorde’s ‘Melodrama’.

42‘Fifteen’ (2008)

‘Fifteen’ is one of Swift’s greatest ever songwriting moments. The cautionary tale of young love it as a country epic – complete with the utterly shattering line “Abigail gave everything she had to a boy / Who changed his mind and we both cried”.

41‘Back To December’ (2010)

‘Back To December’ is a musical apology, with Swift explaining that she decided to write it as “sometimes you learn a lesson too late and at that point you need to apologise because you were careless,”. With an accompanying orchestra and grandiose instrumentals, it’s unflinching and honest, with Swift taking responsibility and asking for forgiveness after a breakup.

40‘Cornelia Street’ (2019)

A highlight from ‘Lover’, ‘Cornelia Street’ is a dazzling tune that’s made even more powerful in this acoustic version performed in Paris last year.

39‘Safe & Sound’ (2012)

Before Swift took a trip to a metaphorical cabin in the woods for recent album ‘Folklore’, she dabbled in writing indie-folk tunes with ‘Safe & Sound’. Taken from the soundtrack to The Hunger Games, this pretty, stripped-back track is enthralling.

38‘Red’ (2012)

The hair-whipping, chorus-screaming title track of Swift’s fourth album is an adrenaline-charged ride.

37‘Gorgeous’ (2017)

‘Gorgeous’ is about having your head turned. It’s about seeing somebody who is so unbelievably hot that you develop a massive crush, existing partner be damned. It’s the perfect song to soundtrack a particularly juicy episode of Love Island and comes with a killer chorus to-boot.

36‘Today Was A Fairytale’ (2010)

Written for the soundtrack to 2010 film Valentine’s Day, this song was one of the only redeeming moments of the trite rom-com. A classically Swiftian country ballad stuffed full of romantic lyrics, it’s lovely.

35‘Forever & Always’ (2008)

On ‘Forever & Always’ Swift manages to evoke the crushing feeling of a crumbling relationship in under four minutes, but no couplet cuts as deep as the utterly millennial “And I stare at the phone, he still hasn’t called / And then you feel so low you can’t feel nothing at all”.

34‘The Story of Us’ (2010)

Swift was inspired to write ‘The Story of Us’ after running into an ex at an event and both of them trying to ignore the other. A break-neck tune, it’s a catchy nugget of country-pop.

33‘New Romantics’ (2014)

‘New Romantics’ was done dirty. The stomping synth-pop knockout was relegated to bonus track on ‘1989’, when it deserved pride of place. Hell, it should have even been a single! The sparkling success is pure euphoria.

32‘Dancing with Our Hands Tied’ (2017)

This electronic, beat-heavy song from ‘Reputation’ is basically as close as we’ve ever come to a Swiftie club remix.

31‘Invisible String’ (2020)

Filled with unusual turn of phrase (“Green was the colour of the grass / Where I used to read at Centennial Park“), ‘Invisible String’ is a sweet ode to Swift’s past relationships, and how they lead her to where she currently is.

30‘Illicit Affairs’ (2020)

Taken from Swift’s most recent record ‘Folklore’, ‘Illicit Affairs’ is a heart-wrenching story of complicated infidelity. Over scintillating stripped back production courtesy of Jack Antonoff, Swift manages to spin a whole tale of secret meetings, lies and clandestine romance, and the emotional impacts it can have.

29‘Tim McGraw’ (2006)

Swift’s debut single ‘Tim McGraw’ isn’t actually about country legend Tim McGraw, but instead about a boyfriend she had whilst at school who was a senior. In it, she warmly reminisces on their past relationship, with Swift knowing he was going to break up with her when he headed off to uni. It’s pretty emotionally astute stuff for the then-teenage songwriter.

28‘Mean’ (2010)

The dual-Grammy winning celebration of self-empowerment sees Swift slamming bullies over joyous banjo strums, reminding them that: “Someday, I’ll be living in a big old city / And all you’re ever gonna be is mean”.

27’22’ (2014)

Before ’22’ nobody cared when you celebrated your 22nd birthday – but then along came this gargantuan cut of bubble-gum pop, and somehow Swift turned it into a milestone.

26‘Sparks Fly’ (2010)

Swift wrote ‘Sparks Fly’ when she was only 16 years old, when she performed at small bar shows back in the late noughties. A video of one of these SHOWS made it onto the internet and fans started to request she released it. This lead to her reworking it for her third album of the same name, with euphoric results.

25‘Wildest Dreams’ (2014)

Channelling her inner Lana Del Rey, this breathless ‘1989’ moment is a synth-pop beauty.

24‘Speak Now’ (2010

‘Speak Now’ features some of Swift’s most vibrant storytelling. With lyrics that detail a wedding, giving you the full picture of the snotty bride “dressed in a gown shaped like a pastry” and how the groom’s marrying the wrong girl, it’s a brilliantly intricate story.

23‘The Man’ (2019)

A searing take-down of sexist double standards wrapped up in a synth-pop bow, ‘The Man’ sees Swift getting seriously feminist.

22‘You Belong With Me’ (2008)

A country-pop thumper from Swift’s second album ‘Fearless’, Swift was inspired to write ‘You Belong With Me’ after hearing a friend arguing with his girlfriend on the phone. Rotten for him – but we got this catchy number out of it.

21‘Enchanted’ (2010)

‘Enchanted’ is one of Taylor’s most underrated songs. A fairy-tale epic that acts as an elder sibling to ‘Love Story’, it captures the dizzy infatuation of a new romance, with huge swooning instrumentals and a heartfelt chorus.

20‘Exile’ feat. Bon Iver (2020)

2020’s been a strange year and brought with it a ton of surprises – one of these being Taylor Swift’s eighth album, and another that she managed to wrangle Bon Iver’s Justin Vernon for a guest appearance on the cinematic ‘Exile’. The gorgeous duet sees the two singers singing over each other, as the two portray ex-lovers seeing each other after a breakup. It’s an emotive cut, and one of Swift’s most impressive collaborations.

19‘Our Song’ (2006)

Taylor wrote ‘Our Song’ as she needed something to perform at her high school talent show. Built around a jangling banjo riff, with bouncing vocals which see Swift dissect how her and the lad she was dating didn’t have a song, it went down such a treat with her classmates that she stuck it on her debut album. With its enthralling lyrics, that paint a vivid picture of the young couple, it was an early indicator of Swift’s songwriting capabilities.

18‘Shake It Off’ (2014)

There’s no two ways about it: ‘Shake It Off’ is a stone-cold smash. It’s got bolshy brass, several hooks that are catchier than a rash and Tay Tay even does a rap. The uptempo tune ushered in Swift’s sixth album ‘1989’, paving the way for her new era of pop belters – but none of them slapped quite this hard.

17‘Teardrops On My Guitar’ (2007)

Swift’s breakthrough single, ‘Teardrops on My Guitar’ is pure country-crossover star. With its soft guitars, and Swift’s early earnestness, unrequited love has never sounded so good.

16‘Clean’ (2014)

‘Clean’, the Imogen Heap co-written closer to ‘1989’, is an understated moment of clarity. It’s the feeling when you’ve started to move on with your life post-breakup and you realise you haven’t thought about your ex for several weeks, and when you do, you don’t want to key their car. With chiming soft-rock instrumentals, and gorgeous layered vocals, it’s an unfussy song that’s filled with Swift’s impressive turn of phrase, including the particularly devastating: “Ten months sober, I must admit/Just because you’re clean, don’t mean you don’t miss it”.

15‘We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together’ (2012)

There’s a lot of reasons that Swift’s Billboard Hot 100 topping, Grammy-nominated ‘We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together’ is excellent. There are the snarky lyrics, the ear-worm guitar riff and the megalithic chorus. But perhaps the best moment in the entire song is the delicious spoken word interlude in the middle-eight, where Swift deadpans: “Ugh, so he calls me up and he’s like, “I still love you” / And I’m like… I mean, this is exhausting, you know?/ Like, we are never getting back together – like, ever.” Wickedly savage.

14‘I Knew You Were Trouble’ (2012)

Back in 2012 things were different. David Cameron was still Prime Minster; Corona was only a type of beer and Taylor Swift experimented with dubstep. ‘I Knew You Were Trouble’ was a bold step for Swift, marking a departure from her trademark country crossover songs, but somehow the genre-melding smasher just works. From the icy kiss-off lyrics that raise a middle finger to fuck-boys everywhere to the thumping dub bass, it’s Swift’s most brilliantly bombastic release.

13‘The 1’ (2020)

“I’m doing good, I’m on some new shit” Taylor begins on ‘The 1’. It’s a punchy way to begin a song, let alone ‘Folklore’. The new shit could be Swift accepting her past fights over her discography, or the indie-folk direction she took for her most recent album. But whatever “new shit” TayTay is on, if it means she makes songs as good as this, we back it.

12‘Lover’ (2019)

The slow-dancing title track of Swift’s seventh album is a celebration of being smugly, head-over-heels in love. Ready-made for waltzing at a wedding, this enchanting, romantic tune is a sepia-tinged dream.

11‘Mine’ (2010)

The lead single from ‘Speak Now’ is pure Swift. In under four minutes Swift manages to spin an expansive story of a girl who’s parents’ broken marriage caused her to put up walls and avoid putting themselves out there – who gradually falls in love and has to deal with the fear of something potentially going wrong. It’s a country-pop epic, with more of a narrative in each verse than an entire Nicholas Sparks novel.

10‘Delicate’ (2019)

This vocoded beauty was a highlight of ‘Reputation’. Whilst the bulk of Swift’s seventh album was bold and brash, ‘Delicate’ offered a gorgeous moment of vulnerability. From the exposed opening (“This ain’t for the best / My reputation’s never been worse, so /You must like me for me…”) to the lush instrumentals that mesh the woozy vocals with tropical twinkles and slinky house beats, ‘Delicate’ is dazzling.

9‘Style’ (2014)

This slice of ’80s pop from ‘1989’ embodies the change in Swift’s sound for her fifth album. Filled with chugging synths, strutting guitar licks and glittering production, it’s an effervescent, hook-laden nugget filled with sleek electronics that dissects an unhealthy on-again off-again relationship (that “never goes out of style”). It’s Swift at her best: clever lyrics? Check! Earworm melodies? Check! A chorus that you want to sing at the top of your lungs? You bet.

8‘State of Grace’ (2012)

Ever wondered what Swift singing a massive arena-rock song would sound like? Well, just listen to ‘State of Grace’ and you’ll find out. The huge, U2-flecked opener to ‘Red’ is filled with guitar reverb and vocals that are meant to be screamed back by a stadium full of fans.

7‘Out Of The Woods’ (2014)

With shimmering indie-tronica-laced production and its anthemic, exhilarating chorus, ‘Out of the Woods’ is another belter from ‘1989’. Written about a high-profile relationship that was cut short due to fear of the media’s reaction to it (Swift explained it “that song touches on a huge sense of anxiety that was, kind of, coursing through that particular relationship”), it’s a breathless, honest depiction of a lost relationship; and one of Swift’s greatest triumphs.

6‘Cruel Summer’ (2019)

‘Cruel Summer’ should have been a single. It could have been the lead single. We all know it’s true; yet it was cast aside for the likes of ‘Me!’ and ‘You Need to Calm Down’. A standout moment on Swift’s seventh album ‘Lover’, this synth-pop bop was co-written with indie legend St Vincent and Jack Antonoff.

It was written about “the feeling of a summer romance, and how often times a summer romance can be layered with all these feelings of pining away and sometimes even secrecy”. Swift recounts the feelings of anxiety and uncertainty that plague a new relationship; before revealing her feelings and finding them reciprocated: “And I scream, ‘For whatever it’s worth/I love you, ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?’”

It’s the musical version of a perfect romantic comedy ending, complete with a chorus perfect for riding off into the sunset on a lawnmower a la Can’t Buy Me Love.

5‘Love Story’ (2008)

What would you do with a spare 20 minutes? Watch an episode of Friends? Aimlessly scroll through Instagram? Well, if you’re Taylor Swift, you can use that time to write ‘Love Story’. Her 2008 country-pop fairy-tale epic remains one of her biggest hits – climbing charts worldwide and receiving near-constant radio rotation. It’s still one of the biggest-selling songs ever. With its Shakespearean narrative (it sees Swift reinterpret Romeo and Juliet), and huge, megawatt chorus, ‘Love Story’ remains a classic from Swift’s bountiful back catalogue.

4‘Cardigan’ (2020)

The lead single from Swift’s latest record is a swirling amalgam of glittering production, swooning strings with flickering piano, and lyrics that evoke the pain of young love. From the searing “When you are young, they assume you know nothing”, to the heart-wrenching “And when I felt like I was an old cardigan / Under someone’s bed / You put me on and said I was your favourite”, Swift conjures up a story of teenage love and betrayal, all anchored by the Aaron Dessner’s jittery production.

We’ve all felt like someone’s old cardigan at one point in our lives, and Swift stunningly manages to convey these complex mixed emotions – the hurt, jealousy and heartbreak – in a gorgeous folk-laced package.

3‘Blank Space’ (2014)

Swift’s got a lot of chart-smashing pop gems in her armoury, but ‘Blank Space’ is surely one of her crown jewels. This megawatt electro-pop tune sees her most cutting, satirising the media’s perception of her dating life and relationships. Knowingly spitting out wry couplets that hit back at the media’s portrayal of her reputation as a man-eater (“Got a long list of ex lovers / They’ll tell you I’m insane / But I’ve got a blank space, baby / And I’ll write your name”), it’s brilliantly wicked – and it absolutely slaps! A work of art.

2‘The Last Great American Dynasty’ (2020)

Swift’s latest album, ‘Folklore’, saw her write more regularly from the point of view of other people, telling their stories as opposed to her own. ‘The Last Great American Dynasty’ was an intriguing case of this – as Swift depicts the life of American artist and socialite Rebekah Harkness, who had previously owned Swift’s Rhode Island, dubbed ‘Holiday House’. Detailing how Harkness married into a wealthy family, was hated by the town and then blamed for the downfall of the Harkness family (including the death of her husband) , Swift pithily compares her scrutiny in the media to the criticism Harkness has experienced.

It’s an impressive song, managing to communicate a huge amount of Harkness’ life across in only a few minutes; and Swift does all of this and tops it off with a banging chorus.

1‘All Too Well’ (2012)

‘All Too Well’ is Swift’s magnum opus. Beginning life as a deep-cut on ‘Red’, it’s become a favourite of both critics and fans – and there’s good reason for it: it’s the perfect example of Swift’s song-writing skills. On it she movingly conveys the heartbreak of a painful break-up, spinning a tale of lost scarves and autumn days as she jumps between different points – both good and bad – in a relationship.

There’s a focus on small, painful details, which are offset by some of Swift’s best ever couplets: “And you call me up again just to break me like a promise / So casually cruel in the name of being honest” can’t be beaten, can it?. Swift takes you on the entire journey of a relationship, and its masterful – just as we’ve come to expect from her.

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ayurvedicthirdpartymanufacturing · 4 years ago

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emeraldtawny · 5 years ago

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Drug Dealer!AU Blanc & Oliver: Mitigation

...hey, it’s been a while ghrodktergrdg. I’ve been sitting on this idea for a bit wondering how to bring it to life and...I may have...accidentally planned out the entire direction I want this story to go?? WOO!

As always, the rundown of this AU can be found here if you’re unfamiliar or need a quick recap. Otherwise, enjoy~

There were few things that could rattle the esteemed heir to the Lapin family name - their history of unshakable tenacity dating back to its earliest records. But none of them had ever faced an obstacle of this magnitude, thus the sole successor allowed himself some self-pity in these moments of dread.

“Mr Lapin! Mr Lapin!! The drug cartel in this city has gotten even more out of hand. Some people are suggesting that the dealers for Magic Crystals have doubled this month alone! How are you planning to fix this?”

He flashes a grin that would pacify most, his rose-gold eyes narrowing amiably - just shy of irritation - as he turns back to the reporter hot on his heels.

“There has been no such confirmation, so they are baseless rumours made to stir up trouble as far as that goes. The police are working day and night to hunt down the smaller dealers as well as the one behind all of this. I’m afraid all I can ask of you is to wait patiently.”

“But there has been talk of corruption among authorities, many being bribed to stay silent or taking Crystals themselves. And those aren’t just ‘baseless rumours’, Mr Lapin.”

(I have to give this young man credit for his dedication to the job. I only wish his attack was not directed at me.)

He walks briskly as the sun creeps eerily behind the surrounding buildings, lamp posts bursting to life to provide illumination for the rabbit being chased by his news-hungry predator.

“That I am aware of. We are making preparations with the police - with officers we are certain are clean - to begin dealing with those corrupt officers. Unfortunately, I don’t have as much power as you think I do, so my reach can only go so far.”

“As the man in charge here, don’t you think it’s callous of you to deter blame for this? The Clemences are under suspicion for dealing Crystals to the high-class public, the Godspeeds are remaining neutral in this entire fiasco, and no one has trusted the Kingsleys in years. You’re the only pillar of stability we have left in this city, so how about you start standing on it and helping us out?!”

“You--!”

(You don’t think I’m trying to do that?!)

The unbecoming retort on the tip of his tongue is cut short by another voice, harsh and cutting like a winter’s gale, especially in contrast to Blanc’s warm and honeyed tone.

“Don’t you think you’re being unfair to the only man in this city actually trying to combat this? And don’t you dare try to say you’re helping this city out by ‘doing your job’. A reporter is about as useful as a lead balloon.”

Dressed down in a casual white long-sleeved button-up shirt and black pants, yet still sporting his recognisable silk hat, he steps out from the shadows of a nearby building, the lamp post’s light cutting through him and shining its light on only half of his frame.

“A-and who are you?” The reporter retorts, the shakiness in his voice unable to be quelled.

“Just someone who also wants this city to be free of pests. But believe me when I say that antagonising the only viable option left is the worst possible thing you can do. Go back to the papers and scream about the ‘youth ruining the economy’ or whatever the hell has your knickers in a twist this month.”

The venom laced in his words is potent - far from subtle - and makes the young man quiver as he turns to run with his tail between his legs. Blanc lets out a soft sigh of relief before he feels those metallic eyes turn their daggers onto him.

“I thought I said to be back before dusk to avoid this very issue, you mangy rabbit.”

He lets a laugh escape him, though he doesn’t try to mask the clear fatigue in the gesture; he was comfortable enough letting his long-time friend see him weak when the public couldn’t, for the sake of his image as a figurehead for the city.

“My apologies, Oliver. It won’t happen again. Although, I honestly can’t deny how pertinent this chance meeting with that reporter was.”

Oliver raises a brow, his intrigue disguised by aggravation to all except Blanc. “And just what do you mean by that?”

The click of Blanc’s oxfords seems to reverberate through the empty street as he steps past Oliver.

“Perhaps this information will be better relayed in private?”

With a throaty grumble through pursed lips, Oliver catches up to Blanc in a few long strides, the two men walking in silence. Yet somehow, they fail to notice the hooded figure lurking a few buildings back, the Crystal’s potent effect letting him hear every word of their conversation, eyes of blood and gold resolved to deliver this information.

---

Behind the closed doors of the Lapin estate, the two retreat even further into the house’s infrastructure to enter through a simple wooden door that’s so remarkably out of place amidst the ornate decor. Flicking on the light, Blanc sighs as he removes his coat and places it neatly over the back of a chair, Oliver following in behind and shutting the door to their ‘workshop’.

Paper is scattered loosely across the table’s surface, the oak brown replaced by sheer white. On the far wall is a pinboard, various faces stuck onto its surface alongside meticulously detailed notes of each profile. It’s a scene ripped straight from a buddy cop scenario, the only missing element being the comedy.

Blanc and Oliver stand before the table littered with sheets of paper, both sets of eyes roaming over their sporadic evidence, notes scribbled down with the sole purpose of documentation over organisation. Oliver pulls free a cigarette and a lighter from his pants pocket. He coaxes the stick of nicotine to life and inhales a long drag, his expulsion of the smoke seeming to linger around him. Eyes unmoving from the table, he passes the cigarette to Blanc, himself taking a puff whilst Oliver sorts through the papers to attain some semblance of order.

“So? Why was that kid so important when all it seemed like he was doing was trying to drive you up the wall?”

Letting the smoke rise naturally from his lips, its distinctive scent burning his nostrils, Blanc taps the ashes at the tip of the cigarette into the ashtray - the only non-paper object on the table - with skilled fingers.

“It only made me realise that our risky decision is the right course of action to take.”

“Explain.”

Inhaling another drag of smoke into his lungs, Blanc breathes it out through puckered lips, admiring the thin, wispy trail it makes before elaborating.

“That young man from earlier did bring up an interesting point that only reaffirmed our plan. No one has trusted the Kingsley family in this city in years...which means that even without a sound lead, focusing the public’s attention on a single source will give us more time to discover the truth. Who knows? Maybe they’re the ones who have been behind this all along.”

A bitter laugh, “That, I don’t doubt. If Lancelot admitted to the whole thing, I don’t think a single soul in this city would be surprised.”

“That is exactly my point,” Blanc pushes the cigarette into the ashtray to extinguish its light, the heavy clawing scent of nicotine permeating the small room, “In these trying times, a common enemy to scapegoat our frustrations onto is dutifully needed. Especially if that scapegoat has a high chance of being as guilty as we expect him to be.”

As Blanc grabs a blank piece of paper and pulls a pen from his waistcoat pocket to write out a note, Oliver looks over at him from stacking the papers.

“You sure this will give us enough time to actually get a proper lead? All we’ve been able to find is that the Godspeed kid is in on this, but everyone with a functioning brain knows that. We’ve got leads and plenty of them; we’re just lacking evidence and proof.”

Finishing his note with a satisfying tap of pen to paper, Blanc draws his eyes up to Oliver and flashes him a smile, “Relax, my old friend. You underestimate how up-in-arms the public can get over issues like this. This will cause enough of a stir to mitigate our immediate problems.”

“If you say so.”

Oliver huffs, fishing around for another cigarette as Blanc promptly grabs his coat and exits the workshop. And in his hand, a neatly written letter:

[ To the tabloids desperate for a news story,

Here’s a headline for you:

The Beautiful Beast Embezzles Government Money, But For What Cause? ]

#ikerev #ikerev fanfic #drug dealer AU #blanc lapin #oliver knight #hmmm I wonder who else made a tiny guest appearance???? :3 #I'm so excited to share what I've got cooking up with this AU #it's nice to have a project that I can keep coming back to and that I'm this invested in #feels good uwu

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gothamdetected-a · 5 years ago

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an idiot’s guide to the wayne family.

now complete with new diagrams! i wish i wash kidding, ive really made a diagram to help illustrate this.

[ follow the link here for actual visible quality. thanks tumblr.]

some points to make quickly -

• this is not complete. there were probably more siblings and wives and children, but i just focused on the main lineage i could piece together from DC knowledge

• apologies for the lack of knowledge on the women in the family past the last century. this is unfortunately common in real life too, as women were not landowners etc, and without a marriage certificate they basically don’t show up on records. dc happily talk about the male line but not about the wives and daughters so :/

• the dates are fairly made up, and especially at the bottom are just me twisting things to fit my own personal canon

• and finally, i just wanted to say that while this is pieced together from what DC have told us, there are a lot of holes that i have filled with headcanons. not all of this is canon. sometimes i just want to give a person a cool life that dc are too cowardly to do.

so, although this varies by “earth”, i have tried to combine the various histories given for pre- and post-52 waynes into a full comprehensible timeline. i’ve probably failed, but this is what i’m sticking with.

to start with we’re supposed to believe that there was a norse guy calling himself the Bat-Man, running around in the 10th century killing frost giants. is it plausible? yes. is it exaggerated? most definitely. am i wiping it from existence because it was one issue in a faintly terrible run that has technically been retconned anyway? absolutely. ignoring that makes the earliest recorded ancestor of the wayne family a man called gawayne de weyne, a french crusader in the 14th century. on some earths he’s called lancelot wayne (too on the nose) or harold wayne (thanks i hate it), so im personally going to retcon that and just say gawayne is it. also because i love the etymological aspect of the name beginning as de weyne in old high french and it slowly changing through out the centuries. gawayne, also sometimes written as gevain, was one of the knights sent to retrieve the holy grail, but, as knights tended to do, he died. sorry gawayne. the weirdest part about all of this is that he asked for his heart to be embalmed, and there’s a plot line revolving around this (batman: scottish connection). now i’m not saying that madness runs in the family, but the waynes absolutely do not get a good head start in history.

gawayne must have had at least one surviving heir who goes on to have babies etc etc, and eventually we get to the 16th century, and the next instance of the waynes. specifically, contarf wayne. which, i have to say, super dumb name. if i ever have a kid, im calling it contarf. so it’s now the 1500s and the waynes have somehow become scottish, probably from getting given land after crusading and that. apparently gawayne was aknight of the scottish court, despite being french, which actually happened a lot back then. literally the only notable thing contarf does with his life is build castle wayne, and i swear these people are all born with both madness and a flair for the dramatic. yes at some point bruce does go to this gloomy scottish castle where it’s always rainy and stormy and fits right on in, so that’s terrifying.

around a hundred years later nathaniel wayne tries to emigrate across to the “new world”. nathaniel likes witchhunting, and has come over to what will one day be the US following a witch fleeing from england - annie. annie who he may have dated. annie who may be pregnant with his child. good on you nathaniel, that’s a healthy relationship you’ve got right there. after the baby is delivered, he finds her and. you know, people were not kind of witches back then, so she dies. and with her dying breath, curses nathaniel and all his descendants. which includes her OWN BABY (super punk move), and one day bruce wayne. this curse manifests in very few of the extant waynes surviving beyond 40, often going mad, and absolutely tuning on each other. nathaniel’s particular grisly end comes when his is the fateful colony that ends up in what-will-one-day-be-gotham (see my idiots guide to gotham for more juicy details), releasing the deacon blackfire from his little cave and ending up missing, presumed dead. (definitely dead). this is the start of the “waynes probably should avoid gotham” saga. spoiler alert - they don’t.

somewhere in the interluding 100 years, a branch of the waynes do actually successfully make it over into the americas. 2 brothers, caleb and thomas simon wayne, reach the east coast from britain, and go their separate ways. caleb joins a convoy heading out west, leading a wagon train, and, as so many pioneers do, he also dies, while trying to make this trip. but caleb really isnt the interesting brother here (sorry man), because what thomas gets up to is far more exciting. he settles in, lo and behold, the newly formed town of gotham, and for some strange reason (probably because all the waynes are fairly nuts, as we’ve established at this point) decides to give devil-worshipping a go. maybe its fucking curse. maybe its something in the water. maybe its maybelline. but whatever it is, thomas wayne tries to summon and ensnare the demon barbatos by killing some innocents, in a wild, but understandable, attempt to gain immortality. he doesn’t succeed. or does he. it half works - instead of summoning the bat-demon (yes the same bat-demon that the founding fathers later summon and also trap beneath gotham) he gets one of darkseid’s hyper-dimensional bounty hunters, and some how, through some space age magic, the energy of this event corrupts him into agelessness/slowed ageing, we’re not totally sure. later dear old tom pops back up as the villainous dr simon hurt, and literally fights his own descendant. DC give no fucks.

after the whole corrupting not-magic thing, but before he disappears, thomas/simon impregnates one of his cult’s disciples. a lot. (is this why the waynes can look 30 at 50? more on this at 10) and between 1747 and 1771 (because immortal people also have immortal sperm apparently), she bears him 3 sons. probably some daughters too but again, who cares about that. not DC, that’s for damn sure. these sons are all absolutely fucking insane, just like daddy dearest. the eldest, who is LITERALLY known as “mad” anthony wayne, is said to be the spitting image of bruce, which is confirmed through some time travelling bs that we’re not going to think about. anthony and horatio wayne, the middle brother, both sign up to fight in the revolutionary war. unfortunately THE CURSE STRIKES AGAIN and horatio perishes while burning british ships. anthony goes on to becomes a brigadier general, serving directly under george washington and pulls some crazy good strategies that help to kick the british out of new jersey, earning his nickname of “mad” anthony, because only someone fucking nuts could come up with these plans, and pull them off. the youngest brother darius wayne is only 4 when the war breaks out, and is therefore too Babey to fight, but does later become notable for being the man to start construction on wayne manor. in 1795, using the money inherited from his brother horatio on his death, he hires an architect nathan van derm, to begin planning and building. sadly darius will never see it completed, with funds dwindling and his older brother’s death, eventually darius takes his own life.

not to worry, he leaves behind 2 sons - herkimer and charles wayne. literally herkimer’s only notable feature is that he fights in the war of 1812. sorry my guy, DC hate you. charles, on the other hand, is a businessman, who manages the failing company his father had left behind and starts to grow the wayne fortune. charles buys more land surrounding the manor, as well as a lot of general gotham real estate, and is the man accrediting for starting wayne enterprises as a series of several small business, ranging from merchant trading to land ownership to mining, in 1845. however charlie contracts tuberculosis at the ripe old age of 62 and shuffles off the mortal coil.

the oldest of his sons, charles lincoln wayne, also known as charles junior, does 2 things - begins construction on the wayne manor again in 1855 after purchasing it back from jerome k. van derm, the destitute son of the original architect, who had been living in the bones of the construcion, and uses a considerable portion of his inheritance to build the gotham botanical gardens in 1870. the next son, winslow wayne, is another enigma - the only thing mentioned about him in the comics is that he fought alongside teddy roosevelt, which i’m guessing is in the spanish-american war. but the youngest two brothers, joshua thomas and solomon zebadiah wayne are the real spicy pair. not only do they tackle the bat infestation on the manor grounds, but the pair work to change the federal system of america - joshua, when he’s not managing the wayne companies, is an abolitionist who engages in secret missions to free slaves by getting them across the border into canada, and solomon, the vaguely more sensible of the two, becomes a judge, attempting to be as fair and incorruptible as possible. sadly joshua is killed due to his slave smuggling antics (THE CURRSSEE), and this sends solomon slightly nuts, and causes him to contract the architect cyrus pinkney, who is even more nuts, to basically. build gotham. these two men are the reason 97% of buildings have gargoyles on them.

solomon has only 1 child before he dies, who fortunately, grows up to be a very shrewd businessman capable of growing wayne ent even through with the advent of shipping and rail sectors. this man, alan wayne, constructs the original wayne tower in 1888, and it completely swamps the gotham skyline. he also marries catherine van derm, the great granddaughter of the original architect of wayne manor, and finally manage to complete and move in to the building in 1895, exactly 100 years after the project was started. for a while they are very happy, and catherine falls pregnant. but this darn curse just won’t leave these wayne boys alone, and in 1897, catherine dies giving birth to their son, kenneth wayne. a year later, lost and traumatised and going insane thinking about his wife’s death alan wayne mysteriously disappears (read as: fell down a well and was maybe or maybe not tortured and killed by the court of owls).

kenneth wayne, raised as virtually an orphan, turns out to have his papa’s business management skills, and, foreseeing america's impending industrialisation in the 20s and 30s, makes some risky moves that pay off, including the advent of wayne chemicals, and wayne ent expands yet again. kenneth, like the recurring pattern that you can see here, dies fairly early due to WW2 however, leaving his wife laura to care for their 4 sons AND the company, which she does like a boss ass bitch. seriously, women barely had the vote and she was already a titan of industry and raising 4 teenage boys like. massive props to you babe. these boys are

ishmael wayne, a whaler who is an incredible parody of captain ahab and also dies trying to catch a white whale, elwood wayne, who goes and reclaims what is now called waynemoor castle in scotland, living there until his death, silas wayne, who may or may not be a thief posing as a wayne because the real silas died, AND at long last, patrick wayne - bruce’s granpappy, who founded the wayne tech arm of the company at 20 years old, aiding the war effort, and where this stupidly long post ends, because there is 0 point in me recounting the lives of thomas, bruce, or any of his children. everyone knows them. could i write more about thomas’ siblings and the kanes and how they tie in? yes. but this post is like 2100 words long and i want to sleep at some point today so this will have to do askjdbjsdhgf

#im #this is virtually incomprehensible #\system\directory\hidden.txt ›› META #long post /

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wolfliving · 5 years ago

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Covid19 killing smart home companies

Stacey Higginbotham:

https://mailchi.mp/iotpodcast/stacey-on-iot-covid-is-the-cure-for-bad-iot?e=10392a4747

Wink shows how COVID-19 is clearing out the smart home After 20 years of business reporting, I feel like I've seen...not everything, but an awful lot. Then on Wednesday afternoon, Wink, the smart home hub owned by Will.i.am's investment firm, posted a blog and sent a notification to app users that next week it would shift to a subscription model, charging $4.99 a month for continued access. I was stunned by the short notice, surprised by the reasonable subscription fee, completely shocked by the inclusion of literally every Wink service as part of that paid subscription, and bemused by the fact that someone at Wink was apparently still on the job given its history of radio silence and not paying employees. — Wink will now charge users $4.99 a month for access to its features. Image courtesy of Wink. But after some consideration, I'm glad that Wink is making this Hail Mary pass for continued viability. I'm also OK with Automatic shutting down and PetNet's dismaying slide into a defunct company with little-to-no communication. I'm even glad that Sonos pissed off a good chunk of its users by killing off some of its older gear with such relative insouciance. There's nothing like time and a pending economic downturn to expose what truly matters, and for most businesses, that's going to be making money. It may be making money by gathering data and delivering insights, or it may be making money by selling hardware, but so far there's no solid business model that lets a company sell a piece of hardware and support it in the cloud indefinitely with software updates. So in the coming months, I expect we'll see more panic sales and a bunch of panic shutdowns for companies and their investors that are just now figuring out the economics of IoT. I have been predicting this for a while, but COVID-19 is like an oncoming train that will force this day of reckoning. I'm surprisingly OK with all of it. After years of trying to get companies to build distributed platforms, use open standards, set expectation dates for their devices, put money into escrow, and other practices that would lead to consumers who purchased their products having an orderly shutdown (or even no shutdown), I'm ready for that train to clear out the initial crop of connected device makers that failed to provide much value or build sustainable business models. On the vendor side, I encouraged companies to think about use cases and the benefits of putting a chip into a device, and begged them to look at the real costs. Which is why a crockpot controlled by my phone didn't seem like a huge value-add, but an oven that had pre-programmed recipes to cook my food sure did. And while the next few months of shutdowns will leave a sour taste in the mouths of many consumers, I think it will clear the way for a better designed and more valuable crop of companies. The first crop of smart home devices simply wasn't designed for today's world of increasing threats, modern architectures, and consumer demands. Kent Dickson, the co-founder and CEO of IoT cloud provider Yonomi, calls this the "first-mover disadvantage." Companies that released products in the early days often built on AWS or Azure and didn't have the advantage of serverless computing. On the chip side, they may not have had access to security features that matter today. And even integration strategies have changed. The result has been the end of many smaller companies. But it has also forced many bigger companies to change direction. For example, last year, citing security reasons, Google had to transition its Nest devices off the Nest platform and onto the Google Home platform. Google's challenge was that it needed to change the way partners accessed data for a world with more integrations. But for many businesses, the challenge is in the cloud — or more specifically, in the cost of supporting a device's connection to the cloud. Connected devices need a place to connect to in order to initiate software updates and data transfers, and to communicate with other devices that it can't reach on the local network. That requires a connection to a computer somewhere, which costs money. In the earliest days of the smart home, companies built their own data centers or threw data into Amazon Web Services. Those decisions could cost a company $1 a year per device on the low end and $10 a year per device on the high end. So if you purchased a Nest thermostat when it launched in 2011 and kept it on your wall, that device would have cost Google between $9 and $90 to run for the last nine years. Sure, the Nest thermostat was $250 and the cloud costs may be on the low end, but there are also cheaper devices like the $50 WeMo outlet. Mine, also from 2011, still works. Moreover, none of that covered what was needed to pay software developers to implement and update integrations, or to do security updates, or to cover any of the other costs associated with running a smart home device company. Devices built today aren't as expensive to operate, says Dickson; cloud costs range from just 20 cents to $1. At Yonomi, Dickson's team encourages companies to think about how long their products might operate and how much that will mean in cloud charges. He recommends most companies build that into the price of the product rather than charge a subscription. "There has to be a sustainable business model in here somewhere," he says. As a consumer advocate, I would like to see companies make those calculations a bit more public, so users don't get emails on a Wednesday afternoon telling them they have a week to start paying for a subscription on a device they thought they already paid for. In Wink's case, I paid around $100 in October 2016 for the second-generation hub that I used until the end of 2018 when Wink started getting unreliable. Wink used to be both mine and Kevin's hub of choice for people dipping their toe into the smart home because it worked with almost everything out there and was really intuitive to use. It also offered a lot of value for the smart home super user who bought a bunch of devices from different platforms. And I'll probably pay the $4.99 subscription fee to see if it gets me the original Wink service, though I'm not sure how many others will. But rather than resent the switch in business models, I'm going to embrace what I believe is just another step in the maturation of the overall smart home industry.

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archmage--khadgar · 5 years ago

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(To explain some things! I’ve gotten a few messages of love in response to the most recent shenanigans. And also, of course, past messages of you guys throwing kindness at me and I internally 404 like woah. I rarely say nice things about myself. Partially because even though I’m heckin’ chatty once I get going. I feel really guilty and vain or like I’m oversharing or something, I dunno. The reasons why have kind of been danced around and ffwwuhhhh I might delete this post later or something who knows. A lot of this is stuff I haven’t shared at all or with most people. But I also don’t really like repeating myself too much with certain things so I’m just. Gonna do this. It’s 2:30 in the morning and I just woke up and can’t get back to sleep SO. Yeah. More under the cut. About why the “I love yous” and other nice things pretty much send me running. And make me really uncomfortable.)

I’m not looking for a pity party, just augh. I feel like it isn’t fair to keep hiding under blankets while calling myself trash and stuff without y’all knowing WHY. A lot of things are still going to be left out, either cause they’re hella buried or I still can’t talk about them yet. But uh. YEAH. Where to begin? The easiest thing to explain, I suppose, is to touch upon how I grew up in a single-parent household. Mom never said “I love you”, but she did yell, screech, and throw things at me and didn’t hold back on telling me how much I pissed her off, whenever she was home. I remember being locked and left alone in a hot car during the middle of summer when I was about 5, thankfully someone saw me crying and TO THIS DAY she’s still angry that I had cried. I’m 31. If I bring it up she immediately gets angry as if it had just happened and starts yelling how terrible I was for crying. As for my Dad, my earliest memory of him is of him telling me goodbye before walking out the door. He eventually came back Uhhhh...Sometime around 2nd grade. Did he and my mom get along at all? Nope! There’s a lot to unpack with that stuff that I won’t touch here. But I will say that it was the first case of me learning that people will say “I love you!” in hopes of swaying you to their side. My Grandparents loved me! And they showed it - shame my mom moved me away from them and OOPH I’m not going to get into that cause I’ll just start crying. :x Trying to talk while fighting off PTSD is a CHALLENGE but I am HERE FOR IT. Anywhoot. That ties heavily into the basis of why hearing someone say “I love you!” Sends me running. It sets off every red flag. “What do they want? Why are they saying that? They’re trying to get something from me. What are they trying to get from me?” I can think of how despite all the BS, I still tried to be nice even though I was really fucking weird and the poor kid at school in a time where living with a single parent meant something was wrong with you and all that shit. (Fuuuuuck the 90′s!) GOSH there really is a lot, it’s hard to pick and choose the right things to say. (For amusement: as a kid, I had a teacher who said that I was “cool as cucumber” and if that isn’t some fucking foreshadowing I don’t know what is. I also liked to collect rocks. And I read The Raven when I was like. 6 or 7 and memorized the fucking thing. Coincidence? I think NOT- yeah prolly just a coincidence.) It’s really hard to describe the bullying because it wasn’t all pulled hair and getting gum in it and I never got shoved into a locker. Others would lie, however, in order to get me in trouble. My clothes also would get pulled off. Belongings got stolen. Mom tried to spread a rumor that I fooling around with a new guy every week. Her excuse was.....”Well, you never tell me who you have a crush on or if you’re dating anyone at school, so what else am I supposed to think?” You know that scene in middle school/high school shows where the main kid gets tricked into thinking their crush was interested in them, and the crush was in on the joke? Yeah. Yeah. That fucking happened. I guess one of the best examples of “shit that happened that really fucked me up for life” Is.... Had a couple of, what I thought, were really good friends. Despite everything else that was bad I at least had them. We were a trio. It was amazing. I.... Was wrong. I got a message, on AIM one day from one of them. She said that the other one, my best friend, had committed suicide. And that her family didn’t want to talk to me. Don’t call them, never speak to them again, don’t go to the funeral..... I was crying. And called another friend of mine because I 100% didn’t know what to do. Was it real? Was it a joke that I somehow was misinterpreting? She told me to keep her updated; and that if I wanted to join her and her family at the mall I was more than welcome to. Mom comes home, sees that I’m crying. I tell her very quickly to keep her from getting angry. She thought I was lying at first for attention or some stupid shit until I showed her the chat log. She calls up the mom of my best friend and not only was it not true..... They were hanging out with each other at the other girl’s house. To this day, I have NO fucking clue if my best friend (at the time) was in on it or if it was done without her knowing. Either way, ANGRY MOM’S ALL AROUND, and my mom still questioned why I thought it was real cause hurr hurr I’m supposed to be smart. But also, I had already attempted suicide twice so OF. FUCKING. COURSE. I didn’t question the possibility. Anyways. I learned a big lesson about my worth that day, from people whom I was closest with. The people who would shout “WE LOVE YOU~!” From the bus window. They remained friends with each other. But not with me. The girl never spoke to me again and my BF quickly made it apparent that I was, and always had been an annoyance in her life. I was weird, stupid, whiney, 14-year-old acting like a 10-year-old, the list goes on. Could I have been a better friend? In some ways, yeah, maybe? Who knows. I don’t know. And then Highschool massively tanked after that. I failed assignments more than I passed them if it wasn’t for the creative projects and extra credit I would have completely flunked out. POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING for the next few lines paragraphs, I’m not going into too much detail but I just want to give a fair warning. Three male friends: Two online and one I knew in person cause he was a friend of a friend. All three of them were older, I was a minor and theeey...were not. One had just turned 18, one was 20, and I honestly don’t know how old the other guy was. O_o which is weird because I ended up being friends with him for years and I uh. Somehow never got his age. PROBABLY FOR THE BEST. :T The two online guys roped me into erp, knowing my age. Their reasoning? One of them told me I needed to learn to grow up, and how to be an adult. And that, also, as an artist, I needed to start drawing porn because otherwise, I’d never be good. He’d frequently send me NSFW art and shit and try to get me to find out what I liked, and yeah we all know what else he was doing. The other one? I don’t remember much but what I can remember strikes me as more subtle grooming than just rolling in with “WELL YER IN HIGH SCHOOL TIME TO GROW UP EVERYONE’S DOING THIS.” I HAD to deliver otherwise I was a shitty person, a disappointment. And then the guy I knew in person would frequently make sexual comments about me, either to my face or to our mutual friend (Which pissed her off cause she had a crush on him, she was only a year older than me). All of this was done under the guise of... We’re friends! We love and care about you! We’re doing/saying this because we want you to be happy! You’re such a nice person! You’re so pretty when you smile! “I’m just trying to get you out of your shell.” “It’s better to find out what you like now with a friend who cares.” So on, and so forth. Trigger warning over...ish?” There’s obviously a lot, and I mean a LOT of stuff I’m not saying. And before you yell THERAPY. Yeah, I’ve been. Yeeeeaaaah therapists never wanted to talk about any of this. I’d bring it up and they’d shut it down as “Unimportant” They’d open up trauma I’d forgotten about, realized they didn’t get paid enough to deal with my bullshit, and focus on other really random shit. BUT WHAT. I’m getting at is. Despite all this, I never got into drugs, or drinking, didn’t become a teenage parent, haven’t been arrested. It’s something I’m still processing and accepting. But like. Looking back on everything as a whole, for the most part, I just. Everything that I went through SHOULD have turned me into an awful person, I mean. A lot of people would say that I am and I wouldn’t argue it BUT. Like. The damage is there, the damage is done. Some of this might never heal or might take several more years to heal I honestly don’t know. I don’t understand how I am not. An awful person. Self-deprecating trash jokes aside. I was only good when I kept quiet. I was only good when I followed their directions. I was only loved when they needed something. I was only a good person with their approval, and I’d do anything to get it. I’d sacrifice my belongings, my food, my time, my energy, I’d run to the defense of shitty friends and to the people who’d physically and emotionally hurt me. I feel guilty for outing them even though they’re not here, will never see this, and I didn’t even name names or give details that would give me away. This stuff isn’t resigned to highschool, I��ve been through a LOT of shit since then but that’s a post for a different day. There was a time where I had started to feel proud that despite everything I didn’t fall into a hole of drug and alcohol addiction and who knows what else. And I got shot down. I got shot down SO HARD. I was a bully for being proud of that. I was a terrible person for recognizing my own strength. I was told I was actually weak, a coward, that I don’t know what true suffering is. And I am still frequently told that I need to start doing MJ or other drugs to “Finally loosen up and be cool.” hnngph. THERE’S STILL A lot more to unpack but I don’t really feel like it right now. But I can’t process being a good person. I can’t hear “I love you!” and not get scared that everything is going to happen again and that I won’t be strong enough, that I’ll prove to all my classmates and family once and for all that I’m the horrible, shitty monster they’re all waiting and expecting me to be. People say I’m a good person, and then I also frequently get lectured on how I need to toughen up and stop whining or get over myself or whatever. So I’m not...good..I can’t be good? I’m too selfish, weak and vain to be a good person. I should have known better, I should have been stronger, and I shouldn’t have given in to wanting to be validated, and loved. AND SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE IT worse than me I have no business thinking I’m a good person or strong or whatever. Absolutely none. I feel so manipulative for even saying any of this. Hnnpgh.

#ooc #long post #mun ramblings #FUCK this got long again I'm sorry

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seoulaki · 6 years ago

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しょうがない - SHOGANAI

PART OF XOXO EXO HIGH SCHOOL FLUFF SERIES

Author: seoulaki

Word Count: 6.1k+

Summary: You were the cheerful kid around the school, having all smiles and giggles with all the people who surrounded you. He always sat in the corner, never talked to anyone but somehow he had caught your eye with his little quirks that could not help but make you fall in love with him.

Author’s Note: forgive me if there are mistakes. I tried my best. Please give me your thoughts on this.

©seoulaki2018

(MASTERLIST)

“Yixing! Over here!”

On a whim, Yixing turns his head to the direction of your voice when the realization of the voice’s authority hits him later and he groans, inwardly that is. He feels frustrated but cannot pinpoint the reason, if it’s you or him he should be mad on, you, who simply like socialization or him, who waits for another day to see your face but can’t stand you either or tries to put on that facade.

When you see him stand still at your beckoning, your feet move towards him in rushed steps, almost running.

“Hi!” Your voice is shaking by your unsteady breath as you clutch your stomach to calm yourself down. Your endurance for running is nearly zero but just a mere sight of his silhouette can make you do wonders.

He takes in your worn off appearance, your dissolving makeup, your hair out of place, your lips slightly chapped (it’s late afternoon and the classes are over) yet his eyes fill with adoration. Even your quaking, little, ‘hi’ gives him shivers but he thinks less of it. He mentally shakes his head, knowing his mind could very easily fall to your charms. He has trillion other things to do than to grow a pitiful crush on the cute social butterfly of your high school.

Yixing wants himself to be a practical man, even when his mind tries to indulge in dreaming. His grandfather has been a sensible and conscious farmer who made his fortune by hard work but failed to edify his own son who died very young and so, growing up with his grandparents, Yixing knows he has to be someone whom his grandfather can be proud of. His grandfather, who has raised and groomed Yixing until now, who even gave up on his farm and moved to the city for his grandson’s higher education, by acquiring a small job at the postal service office. Focus, determination, hard work are going to pay him off someday so he has to stray away from all his personal desires till he is capable enough to give his grandfather a better home to live in. Even if that means he’ll fall in the much hated category of ‘loners’ since he is awkward and has friends who he’ll rather like to call acquaintances and sits in the corner of the class to avoid social contacts as much as possible. He sometimes thinks it’s not healthy but he can’t help it, he’s a small town boy, an introvert who always thinks he’ll be lesser than what his peers here are.

Think less of it. It’s better that way.

He nods slightly in the answer to your greeting and your smile retains the original brightness. Pulling the strap of your backpack a little firmly on your shoulders, you enquire, “Are you heading to the music room?”

He shakes his head in a ‘no’ and your lips push forward in a pout, eyes rising to the sky as you sway your body to the autumn breeze, as if thinking something. You look so touchable at that moment and Yixing just wants to trace the round edges of your face, so much that his fingers almost twitch but then he reminds himself.

Think less of it. It’s better that way.

“So if you don’t mind me asking, where are you going?” You ask again.

He knows better of your prodding tricks. You are looking for company to spend the evening, to probably wait for your working mother or brother who has the house key since you left the spare back. Your friends have retired to their homes or part time jobs. Nonetheless, he answers, “I don’t have my shift today so I might hit the convenience store to grab a few things, and then maybe hit Crepanini.”

“Oh great, would you mind if I tag along? I need to but some necessities too and a cup of coffee would do me good.”

Yixing shrugs and starts making his way out, a little slowly this time. He knows about your breathing problems and he knows you’ll follow.

☺

The convenience store is a five-minute walk from school.

In those five minutes, Yixing realizes he wasted his precious fifteen minutes in the morning to search for his earphones and arrived late. He fiddles with the white cord in his pocket nervously. He had initially thought that music would keep him company until he reached home but then he hadn’t expected you to be walking next to him. You are awfully quiet too and he wonders if he had done something wrong. Well, he isn’t much of a talker either but you hadn’t really cared before but then you hadn’t been alone together before too.

He slightly moves his head to the other side and takes a whiff of his sweatshirt. No, he doesn’t smell. Good thing, he had changed from his gym shirt or he might’ve smelled like sweat and basketball court. The tryouts had been brutal today.

Out of the blue, the sky roars and both of them notice the grey moving forward. Sure, it rained sometimes in the autumn, no big deal.

“It looks like it might rain.” You say softly.

Yixing looks at you. You are looking at the sky though, eyes searching for an answer to the obvious question and he can swear you just look more ethereal.

“It said it can in the weather forecast this morning. My grandfather told me to take an umbrella while I was leaving but I was in a hurry so it stayed back.” He says, hoping he has done enough to keep the conversation going.

You giggle, looking at him. His head is down low, looking at the gravel he kicks as he walks.

“Is your grandfather keeping alright? I haven’t seen him much these days. Mom told me his was sick the past week.” You tell him sympathetically.

Of course, your mother would know about it. She works at the postal service office too, though at a little better position than his grandfather does. More than often, she’d send dinners and Yixing is grateful for her kindness.

“Yes, he’s better now, just a small cold. Please thank your mother for the chicken soups and tell her to thank your brother too on my behalf. He really tried his best to deliver them while they were hot.” He gives a little bow as courtesy to you.

You get flustered and move your hands in a big ‘no’, “No, no, it’s completely fine. Your grandfather helps my mother a lot at work. It’s really fine that we do our bit. In fact, if you want, I can cook for you both on the weekends and save you the trouble. I’m not the best chef but it’s in the process.”

This is how your family has always been, helpful and kind souls. Five years ago when Yixing had moved here, your father had still been alive and had helped them a lot. He owes a lot to your family, so he quickly denies your help, “You don’t have to trouble yourself. It’s no problem for us.”

You both enter the convenience store and Yixing heads to get some grocery for tonight’s dinner as you get a pack of yogurt and some cheap stationery. The store is playing soft music and Yixing sees your head bobbing to the beats as your eyes scan the aisles. He smiles to himself looking at the scene. Watching you from far has been more up his alley.

Meanwhile, you take in his profile as he searches for a basket, which he forgot to grab at the entrance. His eyes search minutely, squinting yet being unable to find the only thing he is looking for. You prop your hands up on an empty counter nearby and rest your chin on it to be in a better position to stare at him while he goes on about doing his cute little antics. There’s only the cashier present other than two of you and he seems busy on his phone, so no one will think of you as a low-key stalker but you don’t care.

“Yixing, the basket, over there,” You grab his attention and point to the stack near the vegetable section after seeing him pry for about ten minutes for it. He smiles and mutters a thank you before he resumes his errand.

What a cute dork, you think.

While you both were strolling about in the store, the rains had flooded streets outside. By the time you both are done, it’s pouring heavily so you both take refuge under the extended plastic roof of the store.

“So I guess Crepanini is off the list now?” You ask, holding your plastic bag with both hands in the front.

“I guess so. How are you getting home?” Yixing asks you back, holding his two plastic bags, each in either hand.

“I texted my brother earlier, he’ll pick me up.” You reply.

“Then I’ll stay with you.” Yixing states and stands firmly.

“Oh, no, you’ll head home. My brother will be arriving any minute so you don’t have to wait with me. Besides, your grandfather needs you so you should go.” You insist.

“But I can’t leave you here in the rain like this. It’s darker now.” He bargains for a few more minutes with you although his brain has been screaming at him to get back home at the earliest and get a few more minutes of study. He cannot just leave you like this though.

“And I’m a big girl now. I can wait for a few minutes in the rain for my brother. No big deal, but if you are keen I want to put you up on another offer.” You negotiate.

Yixing’s eyebrows prop up in inquisitiveness and you continue, “How about we meet up at Crepanini tomorrow at three? If I remember correctly then, your shift on the weekends ends by twelve so we can meet up at three to discuss our music sheets and catch up on past years.”

Yixing hadn’t expected this. There’s nothing to catch up on. Although your families knew each other for the past five years, you both hadn’t really talked until past two weeks when you got reacquainted at the music room for the school’s annual festival preparations, him on the piano and you on the violin. Till then, it was all him stealing glances of you and you not so vaguely, stealing glances of him, not that he knows of the latter.

He debates on answering affirmative. Is this what they called ‘date’? He couldn’t be sure. His friends went on dates but that didn’t consist of music sheet discussions, did it? He chants his mantra in his head again. Likewise, he does need to go through the music sheet with his partner so it is better to get it done anyways.

“Sure,” he replies in a vague tone, not so sure of himself.

Nevertheless, your usual smile props up on your face, jumping slightly, you nod, “Okay, it’s done then. Now go home!”

☺

The air smells of wet soil, an odor you love, something about the soft hum of the earth that makes you calm and happy.

However, regardless of how calm your mind may be, your room definitely isn’t.

Pile of your clothes take up every inch of your room, splashes of color in monotonous peach, and your closet is practically empty and in the middle of it all, is you.

You stare at the ceiling, your lips pouting as you lay on your bed like a corpse. You managed to ask your five-year old crush on a so-called date but you don’t have clothes to wear.

Given your outspoken personality, it shouldn’t have been as difficult to ask Yixing out (you managed it subtly, so that should be considered as an achievement). You rarely shied away from people, the only exception being Yixing. His mere presence is enough to make you paralyzed, the usual butterflies in your guts and the pink filter, which seems to cover your sight whenever he’s in your radius.

In the beginning, when you were first introduced to him, it was a summer night of June, when your mother had invited his grandfather and him for dinner at your house. His black hair parted to the side, prim and proper, slick with oil that was the first thing you had noticed. Next were his eyes, his doe eyes, filled with the hue of the richest brown, filled with innocence and so shy. He smiled and bowed to your parents when you finally noticed his dimples, and unable to resist you rushed to his side and had asked, “Can I poke it?” You cheeks had gone red by the time you had realized what you had just asked. You were only twelve then, and your mother had started telling you differences between a boy and a girl. Your town had been a little conservative back then, the situation is a bit better off now but then, skin-ship between growing boys and girls was slightly discouraged. Your mother had eyed you, saying you were being rude and you begrudgingly muttered an apology and stood by your mother’s side, inviting the guests to your home.

The dinner went on smoothly as you helped your mother about and your father kept Yixing’s grandfather company. After a while, Yixing had offered his help in the kitchen, shyly reasoning that the male talk was boring and he couldn’t understand. Your mother declined politely though and had asked you to give Yixing a tour of the house. You were delighted that for once, you were spared from helping your mother in the kitchen and secondly you were going to make another friend. You were running around the house showing Yixing which room was which as he silently followed you. When you reached the terrace, you decided to make small talk, “Now that you know where my house is, would you come around to play? My friends and I play in the community ground every evening. It’ll be fun if you joined.” He moved his head to the side and said in a low voice as if he was scared he’ll be too loud, “I live a little far and I’m still new to this place so I won’t be able to. Sorry.” You even offered to accompany him but he had wistfully declined as if timorous. You thought that maybe he was just too reserved.

The only thought, which you took to bed that day, was, “He’s becoming my friend!”

You were a determined kid but Yixing was more. Fortunately, he had gotten admission to your school but whenever you had tried to strike a conversation with him, it failed, miserably to the point where you stopped bothering yourself. You figured he probably didn’t like your company but you weren’t disheartened. It would just be better if you just let things move it’s own course which led you to your current state of being infatuated with him.

He has grown to be so handsome. His hair looks fluffy now, not oily. His baby-fat is all gone, developing slight cheekbones and a sharp jaw. His eyes looked brighter, dimples deeper. He looks like an angel, your angel. There are also small things, which he did which made your heart flutter in your chest, like, how he stutters when he is excited or how he usually forgot small things back at class and would remember them suddenly and take a few steps backward then turn around to get them. He is unique in his own ways.

There wasn’t much progress in your relationship as acquaintances but then the day came, when you were called to the music rom where you learnt - Yixing and you have been paired for a classic piece for the school’s annual festival.

Gods had finally given you the chance and you are making sure you make the full use of it.

But now, you didn’t own a single piece of clothing which is too much or too less for your ‘date’.

You stare at the clock on your dresser, which blinks 2:29PM, and you sigh. You had better get a move on now.

Being indecisive by nature, you had created a way to decide on things. Close your eyes and grab the thing on your right and so you did, grabbing a soft material. Telling by the shape, it is probably a t-shirt. You need pants next so you move your hand again, this time reaching for a stiff one. Surely, it has to be a pair of jeans.

You open your eyes to a basic set of clothing, a white, half-sleeved, over-sized t-shirt and faded blue jeans. You sigh again, slightly regretting your poor life choices (Yixing is probably the only better one) before making your way, jumping over the clothes, to the bathroom to get changed.

You give your hair a brush and apply balm on your lips, tasting the cherry on your tongue. You check yourself in the mirror one last time before you head out, deeming you look presentable.

Feeling nervousness bubbling up, you mutter to yourself before you leave, “Don’t worry, Y/N. It will all be good.”

It is, as it turns out better than ‘good’ when you see Yixing enter through the doors and take in his appearance but before you could swoon over his face; his clothes grab your attention.

He wears the exact same clothes as you, the same white t-shirt, the same faded blue jeans; even your shoes are of the same color, white.

What a coincidence after all!

You want to laugh, for all that trouble of picking perfect clothes that you went through, but then you are not sure if it is really a ‘good’ thing.

Couples did matching themes; you both are certainly not one.

Yixing, on the other hand, notices you at the table overseeing the street and joins you, smiling back at you.

His expression echoes not to have noticed the coincidence yet as your legs are hidden by the table and just for playing it safe purposes, you wish he will never.

Taking a seat in front of you, he greets you as he is settled, placing his white earphones and his cell on the table and taking out his music sheets, which he had bind in a blue cover.

Wow, you are about to look so disorganized.

“I ordered a chai latte for you. Is it okay?” You start in an attempt to make understated exchange. Somehow, your words mock you, how they swallow themselves up whenever he’s around.

“It’s perfect,” he replies with a smile, “shall we get started?”

You nod eagerly and for the next two hours you discuss on your Bach’s piece, debating over the keys and notes. Somewhere in between, your order arrives, his chai latte and your coffee with double shots of espresso. So you take a break. You slump back in your chair, taking a sip of your bitter drink. Your face squinches up in distaste, your tongue poking out before making a guttural noise.

You hear Yixing’s laugh before he says, “Stop doing that with your face, someone else is just going to snatch you up. You look too cute.”

You freeze, clutching your cup tightly in your hands. Yixing called you ‘cute’. You are speechless, your paralysis taking over; you’re sure there is a whole damn jungle in your stomach by now. Is this what they call ‘heaven’? Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration of what you are feeling but there are no ways of how you can exactly explain what you are experiencing. It will be the first time when you are thankful to forget to add sugar to your coffee.

Yixing, in contrast, is in his own momentary shock. He always thought you are cute but that didn’t mean to say it out loud. He dares to look at you now, you, who are eyeing him with a hopeful expression. He doesn’t know what to make of it so he goes back to stare at his drink as if it could scarf him up.

You are probably mad at him. It will be better if you say something, anything.

And you do, because you can’t bear the silence, be it for any reason so you put your cup on the table and taking two sugar cubes from the bowl and mix it with your drink while saying, “So,” you put a pause, “You think I’m cute when I twist my face?”

It seems to make Yixing more out of his element, “No, I meant-

“Its fine Yixing, you should speak your heart out. I like it more. Just make sure nobody snatches me up, alright? Friends protect each other.” You speak up, your cheeks going red as you stir your drink and look at him innocently.

Yixing lets out a held breath, nods, finding a little comfort in your words. You didn’t hate him after all, instead you considered him your friend, more than an acquaintance. Maybe he can let go of himself a little. Perhaps he should think of more with you.

☺

The next week passes in a blur. Yixing and you seem to spend considerable time together. Where Yixing tries to convince himself just a little more, to spend time with you, you relish it. You are able to break him out of his shell. He laughs with you, smiles with you, sometimes he doesn’t seem like the shy boy who sat in the corners of the class.

You both spend majority of your time together at the music room or Crepanini whenever he doesn’t have his part time shift at a Laundromat. You like to tease him a lot just to see the corners of his lips turn up in a smile, his dimples forming at the side of his cheeks when he realizes he’s been won over. He make pathetic attempts to get back at you though, like he’ll mess up the sequence of your music sheets which you still haven’t stapled together and it will take you hours to arrange them all because you haven’t even numbered them yet and he refuses to help. You try to punch him for tormenting but he avoids your hits so easily that you let it go, if that means he’ll smile with you.

Currently you are at the Laundromat where he works. He does the usual cleaning and restocking of the place. You had wanted to get his opinion for some of the changes you had made again in the keys. You had realized, for the ninth time, that if the piece was being played in F major, it sounds more like a BGM for a girl sitting by the river waiting for her lover to come back from war in an European setting than a ballad of appreciating love and all the hurdles that came with it. You know your constant changes must be annoying him but you can’t help it, so there you are waiting for him, sitting on the sofa, looking at your feet covered with the new socks you’d bought, your shoes long gone in the corner. They didn’t even have magazines here. You need to suggest that to Yixing.

He comes out of the back, discarding of the apron he was wearing while he worked. You smile widely at him. He looks cute today in the blue crewneck. He sometimes wore it at school after classes when you practiced in the music room. You are thankful to see him in that, blue makes him look soft and fluffy, cuddly, and your list can go on.

“What did you change this time?” He asks expectantly.

“Well, I figured if we played in F major, we sound sadder but G sounds a little sunnier.” You speak, elaborating with your hand movements.

He shakes his head in amusement, “You have a way of explaining things.”

“And you’re stuck with that kind of partner, so deal with it.” You say as a matter-of-fact.

He smiles and nods, “We can try that. Now that I think of it, G does sound a little sunnier.”

“See, I told you.” You raise your imaginative collar and Yixing chuckles.

“I don’t know how you’ve put up with me for this long but I love you for it. Usually, people get irritated with me within five minutes.”

“Then I should get some recognition for it.” He plays along.

“Wow, you’re learning,” You grasp, feigning astonishment, “By the way, tell your owner to get some magazines, it gets dreadfully boring waiting in here.”

“Yes ma’am.”

☺

A real bummer in the line comes when the results of the recent tests which make the quarter of university cut-offs are posted and Yixing scores tenth rank out of five hundred and eleven students.

It can’t be counted as a bummer because first to tenth rank students are still on the wish list for college scholarships but for Yixing, it’s a nightmare, a strike one in his baseball match, because his grandfather can’t afford a college and for scholarship, he needs the average rank of at least five.

He had scored third in the previous test, and there were still two tests to go, but he is disheartened as he walks back from the crowd, disbelieving his eyes. His average score has fallen down and he doesn’t know what to do.

Where had he gone wrong? His schedule is still the same, school, job, study at home with the usual piano in between. What had he done wrong?

Just as an answer to his question, he hears your laugh echo from behind. He looks behind his shoulder to see you laughing with your friends. You must’ve gotten a good score to laugh like that. He couldn’t even put on a smile to show people.

He realizes then, it’s you. It’s you where he had gone wrong. You, with whom he had spend some quality time with. You, who were stealing his attention. In all the chaos in his mind, it’s you to blame for it all.

Yixing knows it’s childish, to blame everything at you. If anything, it falls upon him, the consequences of his own actions. He has to think less of you, for a good future for his grandfather. He needs to distance himself from you, lessen the reaches of his friendship so that neither of you long for each other after the festival is over.

Only till the festival is over. He has to endure only till the festival is over.

He purses his lips and closes his eyes, fisting his hands, he sighs.

He’ll hate you, or try to. He’ll bear you for the sake of the recital, that’s it.

He’ll tell himself this to stay away from you.

He heads home with his head down low. He refuses to answer your texts back. He doesn’t meet you as usual at the music room after school. You must be worried but he worries more of what his grandfather will have to say for his scores.

Back at home, as he enters, he smells the aroma of the seaweed soup. Without another thought he takes hasty steps towards the kitchen. His grandfather shouldn’t labor at home.

“Grandfather, what are you doing? I told you to just rest when you’re at home.” He takes the stirrer from the aged hands, “please go back I’ll finish up here.” He insists.

The old man just smiles and pats Yixing on the back.

“Just let me work for a bit for you. Your results came out today after all. How is it?”

Yixing tenses up clutching up the stirrer as his head lowers. He takes a deep breath and mutters, “I’m tenth.”

His grandfather pats his back again, “That’s good,” his voice full of pride.

“But it’s not enough for the scholarship.” Yixing lets out slowly.

“You still have the chance. I know you’ll do better. I’m least bit worried about you Yixing.” His calloused hands caress Yixing’s hair.

His grandfather’s words do a little to console him.

☺

You wonder why Yixing does his best to avoid you. You see him trying as he escapes your gaze, turns down on the feeble attempts at conversations. He practices with you silently for the festival with a little to say to you. You can’t stand being on the receiving end of a cold shoulder from a person you were on good terms with. Did you do something wrong? You hope not but it does makes your spirits feel down.

You try to talk to your mother about it. You never had hidden anything from her. She knows about your crush on Yixing. She likes him enough to not stop you from pursuing him but when you tell her about the recent events, she only advises, “The boy is extremely shy, Y/N. If you think something is bothering him or you, you should talk it out. You know that.”

“But what if he doesn’t want to talk to me, like at all?”

“Whatever answer I give you, will it stop you?”

You know you won’t stop until you’ve figured out what is wrong.

So, you decide to follow Yixing to every single nook and cranny he’ll go until he gives you an answer.

If Yixing didn’t think you were annoying then, he’ll certainly now.

☺

Yixing’s unkempt behavior doesn’t go unnoticed by his grandfather. He notices how his grandson usually skips on meals, closes himself in the confines of his room when he usually played a game of chess with him, how he feigns sickness to avoid him.

He decides to confront him about it on a Sunday when Yixing is busy cleaning the anchovies for dinner. He sits on a stool kept in the corner of the kitchen and sighs. Heart – to – heart talks aren’t his forte but he’s willing to make an effort for his only grandson.

“Yixing?” He calls.

“Yes grandfather.” Yixing replies, still being fixated on the anchovies.

“What is wrong?”

Yixing raises his eyebrows and looks behind to see the old man with curiosity.

“Don’t tell me otherwise. You are the only person I see around this house. What is going on?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Yixing tries to laugh it off.

“Is it your scores?”

“No, I’ll work harder next time.”

Is it Mrs. Y/L/N’s daughter?” His grandfather probes.

Yixing stills, remains silent. His heart plummets and it feels like his already wet hands are now starting to sweat.

His grandfather takes his silence as the answer.

“I knew it had to do with some girl. Then I saw you both in that shop once. What is bothering you?” His grandfather lets out in calm, understanding voice.

Yixing takes a deep breath, “It’s nothing, grandfather, just-

“You’ll feel better when you’ll let it all out. Don’t shy away from feelings Yixing.”

Yixing knows it’s futile to play around so he lets it out, “Well,” he pauses thinking where to start but then figures he’ll just as it comes in his head, “I hate her.”

“Hate is a strong word Yixing. Why do you say so? I thought she is a polite girl.” His grandfather states.

Yixing spins around on his heels and speaks out in frustration, “She is polite but I still hate her because she’s so mushy and she’s constantly smiling and she makes me smile, and –

“You said you had a problem.” His grandfather interrupts.

Yixing looks baffled, “How can you not see my dilemma here? She distracts me so much I can’t concentrate and keep thinking about her, no matter what I do. It’s better to let myself believe that I hate her.”

His grandfather chuckles, “I think what you’re saying is exactly opposite of what you want to feel. She’s not distracting you Yixing. She’s just showing what you’re missing out on. You distract yourself and I’m not so sure I’ll call it a distraction. It happens to all of us, there’s a first time for everything. This is yours and I know you’ll find a way. Think more about it. It’s better that way.”

Yixing listens on mutely.

“Anyway, don’t make a girl wait for you. People tend to snatch them up right under your nose when you’re not looking.”

☺

You are kicking stones on the sidewalk when Yixing finds you near his house, early in the morning on the next day while heading to school.

His hostility was now affecting your practices and you couldn’t bear that. You need answers and you need then now, so, there you are, ready to follow Yixing to the depths of cold water if you should to frustrate the answers out of him.

Yixing goes wide-eyed when he spots you, his steps taking a halt. You look like you’ll eat him up but he had made his mind up. He’ll come clean to you today at any cost. It’s a good thing you’re here. This should give you both plenty of time to clear things up before school started.

“What’s your problem? Are you going to tell me today or do I need to follow you around another day?” You spit, trying to sound as mean as you can but you sound more like you’re trying too hard.

Yixing shrugs and sighs, “Shall we walk? I’ll tell you on the way.”

“You better. Following you around is tiring.” You huff, taking small steps. Your bag is heavy today. It’s not helping much.

Yixing notices it, you trying to adjust the straps of your bag to get it in a comfortable place.

“Shall I hold it for you?” He offers and you look at him in confusion. He points at you bag and you shake your head in a ‘no’, “No, I’ll handle it. I’m no damsel in distress. Just spill the story.”

Yixing smiles, “I’m sorry, I’ve acted so distant lately. I was just worried about my scores. They weren’t as good and I needed some space to do some rethinking. Sorry I took it out on you. I hadn’t mean to. It’s just, I’m not good with people. It’s how I cope. I’m sorry.” He purposely leaves out the part of liking you. He hadn’t figured how to tell you. What if you didn’t feel the same! He cannot handle rejection.

You huff in surprise, “That’s it! You were avoiding me because of your scores. But you’re one of the toppers. Tell you what, next time you want to cope, spill the beans on to me. That way you won’t have to stay away from me or anyone and you’ll feel better than bottling things inside. I like you so much that if you had kept this going for another day, I would’ve broken into your house for answers.” You are so into letting your heart into the open, with your elaborated hand actions that your head needs to double take on what you had just said. You notice your words when you realize that Yixing was no longer walking beside you.

You slowly look behind you to see him standing like a stone statue, eyes wide and jaw hanging. You make up your mind at that moment as much as it tells you to wait, so you turn around to face him, “Uh, and I like you.”

You see him not moving an inch, not reacting and you start again, “Don’t mind me. Let’s forget about it. Pretend that I didn’t say any of this, okay? Let’s walk faster or we’ll –

“Don’t pretend that I don’t feel the same way?”

You are stunned and that will be an understatement. Now it’s your turn to turn into a statue just with the exception of live creatures jumping in your heart.

Yixing’s smile isn’t helping either.

“I like you too, Y/N. So let’s not pretend. Instead, lets meet at Crepanini after school for our second date? You asked for the first one already.” He says, taking your hands in his gingerly as you have a hard time believing.

Did he asked you out?

“Are you rethinking your choices now?” He says when he makes out you haven’t said a word after his confession.

“No,” You say softly, smiling back at him, “I’m glad you asked. I’d love to go on a date with you.”

You eyes don’t leave his after this, for quite a time, your hand in his, smile plastered on your faces when suddenly you had to blurt out, “Is this the moment we kiss?”

“Probably.”

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