#so it'd be more accurate if i wrote “you were the end of everything”

[fyodorsushankaaa]

i may not listen to turkish songs often but this song is so fucking soukoku coded.

"Doluyorsa gözlerim

Sendin sebebim.

Korkuyor hayallerim

Tıpkı gençliğim gibi.

Noktasıydın her şeyin

Ve bu hikayenin.

Kediler ve şarkılar

Bize yeterli değil.

Sana ben gerek."

"If there are tears in my eyes

You were my reason.

My dreams are scared

Just like my youth.

You were the point of everything

And that story's.

Cats and songs

Are not enough for us.

You need me."

"Her şeyi sana benzetirdim

Ama hiç kimse benzemezdi sana.

Ve ben derdim ki

Kediler ve şarkılar

Bize yeterli değil.

Sana, sana, sana

Ben gerek."

"Everything used to resemble you to me

But no one was ever like you.

And i used to say

Cats and songs

Are not enough for us.

You, you, you

need me."

[criminalcinnamon]

SLEEPOVER (an alecody fic)

Yayyyy another fic!!! I've been planning to write this for MONTHS. I wrote this in like. 2 days btw, shortest time ive ever taken to write a fic. Ough

Cody was practically hopping from foot to foot as he stood outside Alejandro's apartment. He was ECSTATIC. Why? Because him and Alejandro were having a sleepover. Cody didn't have much experience with sleeping at people's houses, not having many friends when he was younger, so that excitement was also tinged with nerves. What if he messed up? What if Alejandro never let him sleep over again? He felt his hand tremble slightly as he pressed Alejandro's doorbell.

Cody was greeted with a warm smile on the other side of the doorframe as Alejandro opened up.

"Cody! Finally."

"Good to know you were waiting."

"I was, do you have everything?"

"Yeah, I mean I think so."

"Great. You should probably come in now."

Alejandro opened the door wider and stepped aside so Cody could enter. Cody glanced around, briefly looking the taller man up and down before setting his large backpack down, almost falling over as he slipped off one of the straps, winning a laugh out of Alejandro as he steadied him. Cody's face flushed and he scratched his neck sheepishly.

"So, what're we gonna do?"

"We could watch a movie."

"Ooh, okay! What should we watch?"

"I have Jurassic Park on DVD."

"Of course you do, I know it's your favourite."

"It is." Alejandro smiled sheepishly. "Although it is not entirely accurate."

"Nerd."

"Oh, hush you."

Cody giggled and wandered over to the couch before remembering something.

"Do you have the onesie?" He asked excitedly, his hands gripping the back of the couch.

"Of course I do, but do we HAVE to wear them?"

"Uh, yeah! I thought it'd be cute."

"Alright, fine. I will wear it."

"Awesome! Let me grab mine."

Cody clambered over the back of the couch - even though he could've just got up normally - and grabbed his bag before dashing to the bathroom to change. Alejandro sighed fondly and wandered into his room to change as well.

The second Cody entered the bathroom, he locked the door, just in case. He sighed and stared at himself in the mirror, starting to fix up his hair. Once he was finally done, he changed into the onesie. It was blue and shark themed, with a fin on the back and teeth and eyes on the hood, as well as a sewn on shark tail. He laughed to himself slightly before he unlocked the door and stepped back into the living room, to find Alejandro seated on the couch in his matching outfit, a green dinosaur onesie with similar features on the hood and spikes down the back and tail.

"You look adorable!" Cody hopped onto the couch next to Alejandro, who rolled his eyes playfully.

"As do you."

"Yeah, but you're cuter." Cody grinned, leaning against Alejandro.

"Fine, I suppose I am."

"That's the spirit! Now let's start up the movie, yeah?"

"Yup."

Alejandro got off the couch and bent down to grab the DVD, slipping it into the DVD player before going back to rest against the couch. Cody curled up against the former as the movie started, and Alejandro put a reassuring hand on his back.

At around the halfway mark, Alejandro broke the comforting silence.

"Do you know how inaccurate this movie is? The tyrannosaurus rex had feathers, and the velociraptors did too. The dilophosaurus did not have those things on the side of its head and it certainly did not SPIT ACID!"

Alejandro continued to rant about the inaccuracies of the movie, while Cody watched him admiringly, listening to every single word. His eyes weren't even on the screen anymore, they were focused on his boyfriend. Cody loved how much Alejandro knew about dinosaurs, and the way he was so expressive and passionate about them made it even better. He felt himself leaning even more into Alejandro, who ended his rambling to wrap his arm around him.

When the movie ended, Cody was practically half asleep. Alejandro laughed and shook him slightly.

"Cody, wake up." Cody blinked slowly and sat up properly.

"Sorry, tired."

"Let us get to bed then. Come on." Alejandro stepped off the couch and held out his hand to Cody, who took it gratefully, their fingers tangling together as they walked together. Cody couldn't really think of anything to say, so he stayed silent.

When they reached the bedroom, Cody collapsed onto the bed, burying his face in one of Alejandro's decorative pillows.

"You really are exhausted." Alejandro commented as he sat on the end of the bed. Cody shuffled over to him and pulled him down. Alejandro chuckled and wrapped his arms around Cody.

Cody groaned. "Mhm... Promise you'll stay?"

"I promise." Alejandro kissed Cody's forehead and pulled the blankets over them.

Around midnight, Cody awoke from whatever dream he was having and sat up in bed, Alejandro's arms were around his waist. He looked down at his partner, panting quietly.

"You awake?" He whispered. Alejandro yawned in response and Cody laughed.

"Sorry for waking you up."

"It is alright, I was having trouble sleeping anyway."

"Oh. Sorry."

Alejandro chuckled. "It is not related to you, do not worry."

Cody breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank god."

Cody lay back down on the bed, closing his eyes only to reopen them a second later.

"I'm hungry."

"Me too, shall we go get something to eat?"

"But I don't wanna get up..." Cody whined.

"I will get you something, stay there." Cody rolled his eyes but nodded.

Soon, Alejandro was back with a mug of hot chocolate and a sandwich.

"You made me a sandwich?"

"Yes? We were going to share."

"Great! Thanks." Cody kissed Alejandro's nose.

They settled into bed together, eating their sandwiches and drinking their hot chocolates. Cody smiled to himself, the sleepover went better than he expected, and he couldn't wait for their next one.

---------------------------------------------------

Hope yall like this one, I really enjoyed writing it 🎉

[d8nielaa]

can we get more on babygirl curtis? i love her and i wanna know her relationship with everyone in the gang

Authors Note: yes anon ofc!! I love babygirl so much!!

Babygirl Curtis Head-Cannons

ACE

Her relationship with Ace is strong-like insanely strong.

Ace is the only other female figure in her life. Older at least.

Ace is like an older sister to Babygirl, and she teaches her things that her mother never got to teach her.

Babygirl loves Ace, and Ace loves her. They're always there for each other.

Ace is always comforting Baby because she always has something to cry about.

Which is sad but it's true.

The two gossip a lot, and Ace always cheers the younger girl up.

They nap together, put on makeup together, play dress up and everything.

(If you read the Ace lore Tilly wrote, you'd know Ace loves to dress up, but she doesn't as an instinct of survival)

Basically, the two are always with each other. It'd be weird if they weren't.

SODAPOP

OH WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN

Alongside Ace, Babygirl is always also with Soda.

They're locked in.

Soda always makes her laugh, and takes a big part in comforting her.

Soda + Ace + Babygirl = dream trio

They're always together.

Whenever Soda gets home from work, him and Baby either take a nap or Soda sits with her while she does her homework because Lord knows he can't help her.

The three of them have taken naps together. No doubt.

Soda and Baby watch cartoons with Ponyboy.

Whenever Baby's cooking, Soda tries to sneak in some food coloring into whatever she's making.

Babygirl always catches him.

They cry together.

Babygirl cries, Soda cries.

Soda cries, Babygirl cries.

It scares the gang when they do that.

But they know it's coming because Soda and Baby are the most in touch with their emotions.

It's safe to say, they are the best brother and sister duo out there.

TWO-BIT

Baby'a hype man fr

He's always trying to help Baby when it comes to boyfriends.

His advice isn't always the best or accurate but.. A for effort!

He always steals things for her, even though she tells him not to.

It's usually little things like rubber bracelets, rubber bouncy balls, candy and etc.

One time, he stole a little lined notebook for her birthday.

She takes it everywhere, either writing or drawing in it.

She loves that little book with all her heart.

Two-Bit takes her to the drive in, alongside Ace and Ponyboy.

Babygirl often keeps him out of starting anything with the Socs.

He often buys her snacks, even though she says she can buy it.

He never listens.

Two-Bit always keeps an eye on her: he feels the need to protect her from the Socs.

Even if it's Marcia or Cherry.

It's just this gut feeling he has.

The thing about Two-Bit, is that he isn't the smartest, but he's loyal as hell.

PONYBOY

The two of them were like twins when they were younger.

Since they were only a year apart, they did everything together.

They had a lot in common and liked a lot of the same things.

Unfortunately, when their parents died, they grew apart.

Babygirl overall grew apart from everyone but-thats a story for another time.

He misses when they were young, and desperately wishes he took advantage of those moments with her.

Now, Ponyboy and Babygirl are close. But not as much as before.

The two of them often sit in silence together, drawing or writing.

It's like that trend when your drawing/painting with someone, and you set a timer for 5 minutes, and once the timer is up you switch with whatever your working on.

You guys do that all the time.

No words, just the drawings the two share.

Every now and then, Babygirl and Pony have really heart felt and deep conversations.

One that usually ends in a hug or making each other laugh in order to boost up their spirits.

They both kind of have that same; quiet and shy mindset.

Which is one of the things that make them so similar.

DARRY

Darry loves Babygirl.

At first when their parents died, it was so hard for Darry to even be around her because she looked so much like their mom.

It mad Babygirl sad because she always thought Darry didn't like her, or that she was doing something wrong.

Sodapop talked some sense into him, and made him realize that he was making Babygirl's life even harder.

So he apologized, practically cried on his knees

(That sounds like an exaggeration but if you've seen Brent in the musical, omg)

The two are as thick as thieves now.

Babygirl helps with dinner, and of course the chores.

Whenever Ponyboy and Sodapop are goofing around and giving Darry a hard time, Baby always puts them in their places.

Like Ponyboy, the two of them always have those deep conversations.

because Darry wants to understand her- he wants her to feel heard.

Since Ponyboy and Sodapop share a room, Darry and Babygirl share a room.

Whenever Babygirl has a nightmare, Darry makes sure she's okay b before they go back to sleep.

because Darry loves her, and he'll be damned if anything happens to her.

STEVE

We all know Steve doesn't like kids.

And we see that through Ponyboy a lot of the time.

So Babygirl and Steve don't really talk all that much.

But when they do, Steve actually enjoys her gentle and quiet presence.

Even though he won't admit it.

He teaches her about cars and how to fix them.

So much so that she becomes really good at fixing and tinkering with them.

She knows how to change a tire, change oil- all that good stuff.

He was impressed with the amount of knowledge she was about to remember.

He lets her take snacks from the DX.

He genuinely cares for her, but just doesn't show it well.

DALLAS

Dallas is so protective of Babygirl.

Like Darry doesn't have to even ask him.

He will gladly protect this girl with his whole life.

Dallas teaches her how to fight, and where to go if the Soc's ever find her.

He teaches her how to be street smart. because Babygirl is only book smart.

She tries to remember, she really does, but it's just hard to.

Alongside Two-Bit, Dallas is always with Babygirl at the drive in.

She always has to watch him because he's always looking for trouble.

She's defended the Soc's a couple time (Cherry and Marcia)

He's surprised when she does that, and gets a little angry but ultimately lets it go because she's like a little sister to him.

Dallas thinks of Babygirl as his own flesh and blood.

She thinks of him the same way.

He'll walk her home if its a late night out, or patch her up if she ever get's jumped.

Especially so Darry doesn't find out, or at least worry that much.

Dallas is so good to her, and has a HUGE soft spot for her.

Like HUGEEE

Nobody in the gang had ever seen him like that, besides Johnny.

JOHNNY

Johnny and Babygirl often sit in silence together.

They either smoke, or Baby will draw him as best as she can.

He's so sweet to her

These two really love each other

Babygirl is like the sister Johnny never had

Johnny always makes Baby's day.

She'll hang out with him at school or at the lot.

She stays with him when his parents are fighting, and offers to take him to her and her brothers house.

There's this unspoken, understanding and love they have for each other.

It's perfect.

Babygirl has even protected Johnny from the Soc's a couple times.

Not in a physical sense, more like just getting them to back off.

Because Johnny doesn't deserve the things that happen to him

And Babygirl feels bad, because that is her brother.

Not by blood, but by heart and emotion.

"I have known a love that many never known, and that love lives on no matter where I go."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------Authors Note: HIII GUYSSSS!! I feel like I haven't posted in so long!! #firstheadcannon vibes. Y'all let me know what you wanna see next!

[southaway]

Hi! I just found your corrupted elven ringbearers and just wanted to say how much I love them! The Círdan and Elrond designs are giving me life, I want to eat them<3

Do you have any more info on that au you're willing to share? Perfectly fine if not, I'm just curious and your art scratches my brain in the best way<3

Hey, thanks for the ask, I'm always happy to answer questions about my art!

( I realized after I wrote this up how long this ended up being, sorry in advance)

I wish I had an interesting answer here, but honestly, I haven't thought it out too much. I was rereading the books last year and the idea of the Elven Ring bearers having to keep the rings hidden so they didn't fall under Sauron's thrall kind of stuck with me. I thought it'd be fun to play with what that could look like.

I'm not much of a writer, unfortunately, and I haven't thought too much about it besides some of the aesthetic choices I made. I can talk about the design decisions I made, if that's worth anything.

Galadriel is probably the most basic in concept for me, I wanted to play visually with being underwater and being kind of distant and above everything. The eyes were an attempt to play with idea of foresight

For Olorin I was thinking that everything that was Gandalf was burned away and kind of playing with a Balrog theme. I think as a Maia he's the most dangerous and the most powerful of the group. We see in the books Gandalf is definitely very proud, he knows how powerful and intelligent he is, you could potentially end up with another Sauron

For Cirdan I just had this thought of burning from inside. He's put up with so much, accepted so much pain and grief and disappointment that I feel like that would be the source of the flame, that it would just burst out. And then I kind of went with a dragon theme to match the Balrog theme (Olorin was drawn first)

Elrond was the first I conceptualized and the first I drew. The idea of the wings were what sparked everything. His mother got wings so he gets them, but more. Biblically accurate Elrond. I just wanted to kind of mess with the themes I always do with him so stars, and blues. But now instead of being a show of his lineage it's the void consuming him. Really wanted to play into the Eldritch Peredhel concept I've seen bounce around tumblr

And this final one is a bit of a spoiler. It's going up tomorrow, but I'm sure with the inclusion of Cirdan, Gil Galad isn't a suprise.

For Gil-Galad I wanted to play with the concept of air in a different way. He's dead, he's barely there. Just a memory of what was, twisted.

This ended up being WAY longer than I meant! I think a lot about design choices when I'm drawing, but don't usually end up saying much about them when I post. It was fun to talk about it!

If anyone has any other thoughts or additions to the AU I'd love to hear or see it!

[ddarker-dreams]

PHEW. Okay. Same GAD + SAD anon back one last time (at least, one last time introducing myself like that, I am too lazy to keep that up forever. I need a more concise way to identify myself.)

Just as I thought, I fell for cringefail darling. She’s just…so me. I want to put her in my pocket and protect her from Chrollo.

I could write a whole essay about Idée Fixe if I had the time, but I won’t let the cringefail in me win like that today.

For now, I’ll just talk about how much I loved how you wrote the darling this time. Your descriptions of anxiety were spot-on—it really put everything I feel during moments of intense anxiety into words. And your way of addressing darling’s aversion to physical intimacy and the irrational anxiety despite knowing (or, well, thinking) she’s safe with him was absolutely perfect. I was able to really see myself in a darling for the first time—sincerely, thank you for writing cringefail darlimg with an amazingly accurate depiction of anxiety without eliminating the fact that she is still a capable human being…despite being the embodiment of cringefail.

And Chrollo…all the signs were there, and obviously I knew how things were going to turn out, but I still found myself wanting to believe that he had nothing but pure intentions. He’s just so…frustratingly genuine, even in his deception. The way you write him evokes this frustration from me every time without fail, in a good way! And then he just turns around and drugs dear cringefail darling to keep her anxiety in-check during what is likely one of the most anxiety-inducing moments of her life (and also probably to keep her from being able to function at 100%, but let me pretend he has nothing but good intentions). He’s such a genius—you’re such a genius—and I hate him so much for it.

I’ll stop myself here to save us both the time it would take to read/write any more of this, but these are only a fraction of my thoughts on the fic. Just know that all the time you put into writing Idée Fixe was well worth it, and just…thank you again for writing a reader I can see myself in so well 💖 Maybe I’m just cringefail anon at this point. Who knows.

we are forming the protect cringefail darling coalition™, one member at a time.

portraying anxiety in this fic felt different compared to other yandere stories, so i was hoping it'd come across decently. in my experience, even if you aren't feeling anxious, you're just Hyper Aware of everything. the slightest change in tone, body language, etc. you're just perpetually going 👁👁. i thought this would be a neat similarity to chrollo, who is also rather perceptive. he can finally get a taste of his own medicine. although, cringefail darling doesn't have malicious intent.

chrollo and deception... name a more iconic duo... he spices it up by sometimes being genuine, but even that is calculated with some sort of end goal in mind. revealing elements of his tragic past is an example of this . the man knew it'd tug majorly on cringefail darling's heartstrings. he kept out the more macabre details, yet included enough of the truth to really earn her sympathy.

him using the beta blockers. whew. he figured it'd be killing two birds with one stone. while he likes messing with cringefail darling some, he doesn't derive any satisfaction from her being in a major anxiety episode. how nice of him. so he gets to avoid that (at least for now) and have her in a better state to receive all the unfortunate information he's been tactfully omitting for months now. it's a win win.

thank you so much for sharing your thoughts!!! aaaaa there really is nothing i value more 💖 i feel the time i put into the fic was worth it too! it's got to be one of my favorite stories i've written so far. 😌

and if that's the moniker you want to go with, i'll start using that 👀👀

[omensgate]

my concrete and main sofanthiel headcanon is that sofanthiel is arena nightcat after ascending. by its nature it embodies facets of each slugcat and past that lives many fractured lives (which i try and document in That fanfic i need to update ACTUALLY? i totally forgot lol i half wrote a chapter related to the ship showdown that i did not complete and do not want to because it was only timely for christmas. ill drop it below the cut and put in some commentary at the end. it is 1575 words long and largely unedited)

Hunter typically made a point to arrive at any of it's obligations exactly on time, never too early to be an inconvenience and certainly not shamefully late as if she'd forgotten, but given that in this certain situation there were… extraneous circumstances, namely who he was to meet, he felt that it was absolutely necessary that it come to Inv's house a good quarter of an hour before she'd been requested to- no, it could not care if Enot was bothered by it appearing before it'd gotten it's house ready given the likelihood of it truly preparing or cleaning at all was slim to none, and even if so, she could guess that Sofanthiel's chagrin would be less important than disarming the area.

As ever, upon entrance (allowing herself into ???'s home, as it did not even spare the time to answer the door, not that that was atypical behavior that would surprise Hunter coming from it), Hunter was proven correct in it's forethought and concern- really, as much as a troublemaker as Inv was, the main drawback of it's behavior and only truly bad thing about being friends with it was how alarmingly it succeeded in inflating Hunter's ego with how often his assumptions about it were proven correct. Everything above neck high was covered in mistletoe, and if the room had been filled with other people you would not manage 2 steps before having to give someone a kiss, so Hunter went along removing each and every sprig of leaves and flowers upon her path, storing them in his scarf to return to Sofanthiel eventually, when it could be trusted with this custom.

Once the house seemed clean (of mistletoe, not in general- they were friends, of course, but not friends enough that Hunter would start picking up dirty dishes and strewn clothes unless he was paid in some way for the effort), she moved to enter Inv's room after taking the mistletoe off the doorway and giving a brief knock to the door to warn them of her imminent arrival, hearing a quick singsong "come in!~" in response. Pushing the door open, he was, for once, a bit surprised to see Inv standing right in the doorway and not glued to it's computer as she had expected, smiling massively at Hunter like a child on Christmas (instead of the more accurate adult on Christmas, as it was). "Hey, Hunter! Look-" It pointed up towards the doorway before it jolted, the smile thoroughly melting off it's face in an instant as it looked back down to Hunter, now perceiving the mistletoe adorning their form- decidedly under their head which seemed to be out of the threshold for Christmas customary kissing. "Ooh, you absolute slippery rascal! I cannot believe you!!" ??? whined, momentarily assuming the entirely cartoonish pose of stamping on the floor with it's feet, fists balled and armed tensed, eyes scrunched close in sudden apparent anger before returning to some normal approximation of regular emotion, quickly meandering to face it's television, tapping away at it's phone now. "Do you know how hard I worked to get all of that set up?! And- mistletoe isn't free, you know, I had to PAY to set all that up," in moments Inv had streamed a large black and white swirl on the television, the hypnotic motion only broken up by large impact font text in the middle saying "KISS EACH OTHER", a command so outlandish Hunter really, desperately hoped it's friends would not fall for that. Regardless, to ???'s vocal complaints, Hunter moved to offer it the mistletoe now that enough time had passed it's surely not be able to put it all up by the time it's friends arrived and if only to stop the pitiful complaining, but Enot waved her off as it moved to it's computer, where it normally stayed. "Yeah, yeah, I know you're not going to STEAL from me and keep it, I know I'm not 'losing it', but if I don't USE it, then it's a waste!" Inv signed exaggeratedly, leaning back in it's gamer chair and stretching intensely, getting comfortable as Hunter moved to instead drop the mistletoe onto Enot's bed. "And time is money… I could've spent that time putting it up doing something that wouldn't get immediately torn down instead, hmm…"

"No one would have fallen for them, anyways, I assure you," Hunter said, amused by Inv's behavior. Of course, it was not truly or sincere upset, and so any complaining it did was of little concern to Hunter. It had a big personality best described as mischievious, and so these little outbursts were par for the course for it. "I'm saving you from the disappointment of seeing everyone's outright refusal."

"You never know!" Inv said, spinning around in their chair so it could face Hunter, who now sat on the edge of Enot's bed as they waited for the others to arrive, leaning back comfortably like a toy thrown haphazardly down, limp and lax. "Maybe the Christmas spirit would get to them- they'd be grinchs to deny the tradition. Why are you such a grinch?!" It threw it's hands up now, exasperated but smiling widely.

Whatever nonsense Hunter would have to struggle to summon up to bounce Inv's energy back at them was tempered as two more people entered Sofanthiel's home. "Hey, Inv, I expected WAY more mistletoe in here- what's the heck's wrong with you?" Rivulet asked playfully, beelining to Inv's room with Spearmaster following more slowly behind. Spearmaster was Rivulet's designated driver as their attention span left others concerned for their safety if they did ever man a vehicle, though Hunter had no clue how either of them fathomed the commute with Rivulet's constant chatter and Spearmaster's full inability to speak back if it kept it's hands on the steering wheel as it should. It was never as disasterous as Hunter imagined- they both seemed happy, or at least for Spearmaster as happy as it usually looked, half lidded and aloof, staring around at the Christmas decorations in Enot's room (which looked like it bought the entirety of an aisle of festive decorations to furnish it's home).

"Hunter took them all down!" Inv's exasperation was reignited now that it had someone of like mind to play up it's despair to, gesturing violently towards the pink slugcat.

"Hunter, I cannot believe you! You absolute grinch!" Rivulet echoed Enot's words unknowingly, and in the same manner was smiling just as it was.

"Would you have fallen for it?" Hunter asked, amused, eyebrow raised at Rivulet.

"'Fallen for it'- why do you keep saying it like that, 'falling for it'? Like it's a trick?" Sofanthiel asked, spinning back around in it's chair to face it's computer, tapping away to some unknown website while they talked.

"It is a trick, isn't it?" Hunter asked, now moving it's expression from Rivulet to Sofanthiel, though it was not looking back at her. "The idea is you get startled and feel obligated, pressured, to kiss, right?"

"I'd never pressure anyone into that," Inv tsked, it's voice dropping in seriousness before rising right back up, wavering in it's theatrics, "It's all just for fun, it's an excuse to do what you're fine with. Normally." It said matter of factly, turning back now that it had opened up some blue website, arms crossed and eyes closed, confident in it's assessment.

"Do you think anyone in our friend group if flaggrantly kissing one another? That they're ready for that normally?" Hunter once more asked. Spearmaster leaned against the wall behind it, looking aside, while Rivulet snickered at the thought. "I'm not privy to everyone's interpersonal entanglement, but as far as I know surrounding you, everyone's always refused your advances," it felt rather mean to point that out, but she was genuinely curious by Enot's playful assertion.

"WHAAAAT, you think I did all THAT just because I, wanted kisses? Nooo way," It drew it's legs up to set it's feet upon the edge of it's chair, setting it's elbows upon it's knees and it's chin upon it's knuckles. "I just wanted to see everyone ELSE having fun," Hunter was genuinely unsure where the lies started or ended- Inv would surely sound more silly if it wasn't being serious, and some part of Hunter wanted to see it's friend selfless and less romance obsessed. Not that having some strange fixation on it's friends was any better, but she really worried it might really start getting depressed about how often it was refused affection by their mutual friends. Further discussion was once more stopped as more people entered- Gourmand and Saint as a pair, with Gourmand calling out that they were coming in in warning before being visible from Inv's room. As far as Hunter knew, they did not traditionally travel together (though Saint might benefit from the help Gourmand could provide navigating given it's ocular preferences), but having a hunch, Hunter checked the time and confirmed that this was the exact moment that Inv suggest they come to it's house. Rivulet and Spearmaster must have arrived just a bit quickly, Hunter knew that Spearmaster specifically loved to arrive before requested out of some slight anxiety, but Saint and Gourmand were both normal and punctual as Hunter would desire to be. They often met up along the way to locations when they were all invited to the same location at the same time.

POST THOUGHTS: this is a modern/anthro au where all the slugcats are friends with one another. how the chapter wouldve continued is that sofanthiel would reveal itd brought them together to show them that it was hosting the rw ship showdown, which would then spiral to one of them teasing the others that someone was surely dating someone else in the group, at which each member stiffens; sofanthiel realizes that, though it thought no one was dating, there is a COUPLE CAPER. SOMEONES KISSING SOMEONE AND IT NEEDS TO KNOW WHO. (also in this, hunter uses i think any pronouns..? and sofanthiel uses alternating names.)

[letscrywolff]

You end things and stay away.

I could never do the same. I trusted in the feelings. I know I've never so easily had something so intense with someone before. You've told me you've never had anything like what we have with anyone else.

I believed in that - from both sides.

So I'd always reach back out. Knowing you never would. Pride? Avoidance? Who knows. Who cares?

Point is... When I'd force my way back in, you'd always doubt us at first.

You doubted the feelings would still be there. You felt pressured by me "expecting" the spark to still be there. You felt anxious, guilty, stressed, and pressured.

Then you'd meet me.

And it'd all melt away.

Always.

We still clicked. We still connected. The chemistry would still be there and intense.

It all felt natural. Your words, not mine.

And it still would.

I was easy mode, and you still felt overwhelmed.

But what you never realized was I was the one who made it melt away. I made you feel safe, secure, familiar. I made that happen because I let go - just like you do.

The difference is in what we both let go of.

You let go of me and my entirety. You latch onto one thing that bothers or scares you and you let it become the entire reason everything else doesn't work. You let go of a connection you haven't been able to find with anyone else. And the fact you have something with me you can't find with others is the very thing that scares you.

It's so fucked up too. Meeting someone you have a genuine connection with. Easy chemistry. It feels so natural. Telling them, on MULTIPLE RETURNS that you haven't been able to find anything like what the two of you have - not even close - and yet, still leaving. I guess you were just suffering from success with me. It wasn't good enough to find someone you can feel yourself with, who you could love and be loved by, who'd have done anything with you, for you, and to you... no, you needed more. Always. Never stopping to appreciate what we had, and always trying to find "better". Trying to vault over the standards I set. Still thinking there's better out there. It's the ultimate disrespect and I am no longer willing to forgive it.

After talking to you for years, knowing your history, and now reading it by your own hand, I know with 100% certainty that I am the only man who's ever actually loved you. This is indisputable at this point. Everything else was infatuation masquerading as love - but it's VERY clear that it wasn't real and wasn't anything more than limerance. This isn't arrogance speaking, this isn't jealousy, it isn't anything so basic. It's just fact at this point. I'm literally basing this entirely on how YOU described your own experiences - not just with shit head, either. But the many others you've told me of and wrote of and how unfulfilling they all were in the end. How they couldn't see anything in your eyes.

I read the love in your eyes. You've been speaking silent poetry to me since day one, and my love of language is only exceeded by my passion for love. You combine the two, and you get someone who can read every line straight off your glance. I've done it - accurately - for years with you. "How you still knew." I always knew - and here's another thing I know. We're more alike than not. You have the same love of language and romance, too. In that regard, we both speak the same language. And that's just one more indisputable fact. You know it, I know it, and anyone who ever caught us being caught up in one another would know it too.

When we'd kiss? We'd both feel the burn. Sparks always flew and I could feel your heartbeat quickening as I was pressed against you. I could feel it as your hands danced around me, grabbing at me, hanging off my shoulders, feeling up my arms, a hand sliding down my pants. I could feel it on the goosebumps as I'd breathe into your ear. I could feel it as I unwrapped you, threw you down - you'd laugh as you excitedly said my name - and put you beneath me. And then your arms would wrap around my neck, your mouth agape, eyes wide, as I would enter. Our foreheads touch, our bodies bounce, kissing becomes reflex... And that's when our lips were scorching.

But no matter the connection - no matter the chemistry - no matter the dates, the outings, the future plans, the history and all we'd overcome, no matter what... you'd always let me go. Always as we were about to take things to the next level.

You let go of me, but like I said, I let go of things too. But what did I let go of? I let go of my anger. I let go of my resentments from you leaving me for no reason of any depth - and for leaving me for others. For leaving me thinking you could find better. I wrote it all off as your inexperience with anything real (which is CLEARLY true) and immaturity (which clearly remains true). I know when you leave me, it's shallow. It's selfish. It's because you genuinely thought you'd find someone better out there. You didn't, and you won't. You've tried for 7 years now since having met me and you've failed every time. Why? Because I genuinely loved you and you know it. I've left you no other way to interpret how I feel about you.

Think it's not true?

Try coming back now. You'll find out the hard way that everything I ever told you - about how the kindness is a choice, about how I chose to let go of MY problems for the betterment of US - is all true.

You never appreciated the depth of what we had. How lucky we were to find each other. The value of a beautiful and easy connection. You never came to me whole. You never came to me fully available. You always came to me off the back of something else. You never gave us the full chance we deserved and then try to blame me when things end. Hold yourself accountable. You pissed away something great. This should have been easy. You made it hard. You made it fail. I blame you for all of it. I wasn't perfect - not in the least - but I was good to you. Always. Unfailingly. Show me a time while we were together that I didn't love you. Show me a time while we were together where I ever made you doubt the love from me. Show me anything of any substance from when we were together that you could point at and say with conviction "This is why I didn't try to make things work." I know you'll come up empty handed.

You left the only man that ever truly loved you.

I would never take you back now.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary53

11/3-4/2023

hell , oh. everything is fine and today was good.

i got dressed really nice today, because i had to do an interview for a local magazine, about how i dress and my music and how my sense of fashion/beliefs about fashion and my approach to music are related. their relation is weird, it's sort of just that i get dressed how i do to enable myself i think, like if i feel pretty and cool, and externalize what i think is pretty and cool, i can do other things, or i don't know, that's only part of it. they took pics of me, my friend did the interview, and one of the people working at the mag came to do the photos. i think i might look good in them, i didn't really look. i did take my own photos around where we took pics, they had me in nature a lot, and i took my photos standing in weird places no one really wants to go.

plus there are selfies i took w/ my phone but i can like upload those tomorrow. it's honestly such an actual hassle to get photos off your phone it is so stupid. at least if you have an iphone. it makes you feel useless and dumb so often, a debilitating piece of hardware to own if you interface with computers a lot.

so, uhhh, i like the makeup i did a lot today, the eyeshadow is really fun i think. i just told my friend that i like the locust and the blood brothers a lot, and i mentioned pg. 99, i should have brought up usurp synapse and combatwoundedveteran too, and like, everything else, but it would have been so annoying of me and like who cares, i just want to be accurate i guess even though that's pointless.

anyways my gf is out rn at a bar with colleagues from school, and tomorrow we're going to an anime con, i wonder what i'll wear tomorrow. hopefully i can hack something together for that.

anyways i am just sitting here listening to the cramps, not doing much, practicing a song sort of for when i can go in and record the vocals i wrote today, i mixed the next single some more, i need to get to the b side but i think tomorrow i'll be able to decide if i want to throw something into the right channel during verses on the song or if that would distract too much from the left channel guitar thingy. there already is a right channel thing but maybe there needs to be a little more, something following the riff that's played in the left, but idk, it'd have to be quiet and not too sharp or anything, just something to fill out the song better, but i wanna decide if that's even necessary, the song's a little imbalanced but that's how i can get so much sparkle out of the guitar thing on the left side i think, but i am still unsure. the plus of having something else there would be it'd probably sound kinda good, especially if it were sitting lower in the freq range and i cut out the high end more or less.

practicing the vocals just to get timing right is nice, it makes things feel like i can do better, typically since my gf is always around, i just mouth the words and try to feel things out that way, this is obviously a lot better, since i can do whatever and not commit to delivery style (i already know thought this song is gonna have a lot of screaming). hopefully this really does stick, these next few nights i will have to just mouth it probably unless she goes out another time alone.

so now i am sleepy, a strangely long day, i still have not been able to get around to taking care of the chicken and prepping dinner for whatever nights i am cooking which is frustrating and i am too exhausted today for it. like, so frustrating seriously, i need to get on top of that tomorrow. blehhhhhhhhh.

soooo, anywayyyyy:

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[actualbird]

Chapter 4 is out!!! This time with even more hurt! Absolutely adored the slight change of pace though, it really was needed for this. And it's not like there weren't any jokes at all!

Xgjxgjxjg the one romance novel thrown in the confusion Giann must have felt. Hey, variety is the spice of life! Maybe actual spice if the novel is that kind of-I'm sorry I think the seriousness of this chapter has done something to me xgkfhkfk

Hard on the outside soft on the inside is a description that really resonates with me about Artem. Less because of his personality and more about his looks and the characters I used to associate them with, but still a description that's very accurate to my experience with Artem so I have a bit of a soft spot for it. What is it with this fic and making me obsess over innocent lines? It feels nice though, to find lines that I like a lot.

Luke is a filthy snitch made me giggle. Sorry Giann, you're not going to get anything past him.

Ah, a chapter 6 reference. It was bound to come up. I like how you tied its events and Artem's injuries into how the polycule formed. Just like the Nosta bit back in Luke's chapter, I think it felt pretty realistic and in character and made the development of the relationship feel natural.

Figxgjxug reverse Uno card you tried Artem. Just a little more and you'll get it right.

Okay before my comments on Artem's thoughts on Marius I have to confess I was expecting a sex joke to happen when Artem described Marius as loud xgjxfuxfu the serious chapter is REALLY doing something to me.

Moving on!!! I liked that Artem brought up the disagreements over whether or not Giann and Neil had defected. It was absolutely an important part of their early interactions with one another, and it was nice that it showed the formation of the polycule wasn't instant or even that easy. The group had disagreements and tension, and they had to work those out first. I always like it when getting together backstories talk about issues like that, not even because I like angst or anything but because it makes the relationship in the end feel more special and real. And Artem talking about Marius and everything he did for Pax? I absolutely loved all that. That was the thing about Marius that made me like him, and to see that it was what made Artem respect him too feels really nice.

So I decided to save Giann comments here, after the main emotional climax of this chapter. I love how in every chapter each NXX member helps Giann come to terms with something, and in this one Artem helps him realise that it's okay to not be okay. I think it's because the chapter 6 fic you wrote about Artem is still in my mind, so seeing him inadvertently teach Giann something he himself had been struggling with in that fic felt really, really nice. And after that, the grief Giann felt over missing his brother's growth hurt. There were hints of this particular struggle before it became about Marius, Artem wearing his gentleness on his sleeve comes to mind, but it's one thing for that observation to be made about an acquaintance and another thing for it to be made about your brother. And it is true, Marius has grown a ton and Giann wasn't there to see it. And nothing can change that, and there's no way to get that lost time back, and that's the real tragedy of it all. If the pattern of something Giann realises in the previous chapter continues here, Ria is going to help him come to terms with this. And of course it'd make sense for it to be her, she lost time with Luke and her parents too. I'm really looking forward to that, but for now, I can understand Giann's struggles about not seeing Marius' growth.

So moving away from the heavy emotional stuff! I wasn't thinking about it before but now that Artem referred to the polycule getting together as a heartfelt recruitment process I absolutely must know what the hell this statement means.

And that about sums it up for my thoughts on this chapter! As always, wonderful chapter, I loved it lots! I think this might be my favourite chapter just because of how much the development of the way Artem saw Marius parallels with how I saw Marius. So much of this chapter resonated with me because of that, and that made it all the more heartfelt to me. Oh, and as is pretty obvious by the fact this is arriving via ask, I'm going to continue leaving comments on Tumblr mainly because I'd like all my comments to be in one place and I want to leave comments on your character analyses here too. I uh. I know I haven't actually left comments on your character analyses in a while but I swear I will when one that I have many thoughts about that I can put into words comes out, I've just been finding it very hard to put my thoughts on your analyses into words lately.

Back on track, I'm going to continue leaving comments here but if the Tumblr askbox eats my asks I'll leave them as comments on ao3 too. I just hope this one doesn't get eaten...

Again, thank you so so much for writing this chapter! I'm very much looking forward to Ria's chapter and the epilogue!

🌌

WAHHH, gmorning milkyway :D!!! thankies for reading chapter 4 of "standard operating procedure (x4 speedrun)" (≧∇≦)/

this ask was such a delight to get and i reread it so many times b4 even trying to formulate a response HUHU, but now i am Ready

and thus here it is

oh nah that romance novel vyn loaned deffo had a softcore lovemaking scene somewhere in the middle, HAHA. imagine it as one of those romances w like, the super dramatic painted cover of the couple embracing and some buttons are undone tastefully, the title something like “Passion Of The Sunrise” or “Game of Throes” idk. vyn was fully fuckin w giann 

pls pls i LOVE IT when ppl obsess over single lines, it makes me so happy cuz i put way too much thought into nearly every line JHVKJAHVKFA. AND YEA, artem is rlly that archetype, at first glance. for many players, and i assume, ppl who’ll see him in game as well

the moment i started outlining this fic, one of my earliest bullet points was “ARTEM AND GIANN COMMISERRATE OVER BROKEN RIBS” and the whole “recovery isnt linear, it’s confusing and difficult and thats alright�� bit only rlly happened later, completely bamboozling me, the author. ajhsfvakjhfakjsfha

SCREAMMMM, EVEN I DIDNT NOTICE THAT THE “LOUD” BIT COULDVE BEEN A SEX JOKE AJHSVFKAJSF. 

yesyyeyeesYESSSS im so glad u enjoyed the Marius and Giann vs. Artem and Neil bit!!!! it’s something super frigging important to marius and artem’s dynamic. like, right there in the source text, theyve got Canonical Beef. but the beef in question doesnt make it impossible for them to see eye to eye, i see it as an avenue where they can relate. in my lost gold fic, i made marius and artem connect because they both lost somebody thats family to them. here, i make them relate w the whole loud/quiet thing. Nobody on this team is perfect, Everybody has their stakes and respective personality quirks, and All of these things Can and Will clash. but among my thesis statements for this fic is the fact that love, communication, and understanding people can prevail and make wonderful relationships. 

i inhale

i exhale

bless u sO MUCH for ur kind words about giann in this fic HUHU 

i started outlining this whole thing first just using giann as like, simply the outsider pov vehicle to see this relationship from. but the longer i stayed in his head writing this, the more i realized that because of Who he is and What hes been through, he will not disconnected from the things the team will be saying either about why/how they love marius, how they themselves have changed, and/or how marius has changed. everything is connected

and yeppppp, giann’s anxieties about Not Being There is deffo gonna get brought up front and center in the next chapter mwehehe >:3c

about the “heartfelt recruitment process”: JHVKJFHASKHJFAKSFHJA, i didnt add the full convo into th chapter cuz it felt good to end it where it did, but basically the polycule first started out with just 2 ppl together. and then slowly the others either joined in or were yanked into the love pile. the specifics on who got together first r left up to ur interpretation tho, hehe

WEW, sorry for the ramble i just loved this comment so much cuz…..well, this chapter is actually the one i liked least so far, actually. at first i didnt know Why but i think it’s cuz i was scared it wouldnt rlly Hit cuz i more explicitly bring up emotional themes that had prior been lurking and i leave much of it still unresolved cuz hoo boy, theres no resolving all of this in just 3k words, thats what my next 2 chapters are for. so this comment and the ones im getting from others really mean a lot to me. ( ´•̥̥̥ω•̥̥̥` )

pls feel free to continue leaving ur comments here!! i love em to BITSSSS and all in all, thank you for your kind words :’)

[ladyramora]

Hi, first off I hope you’re doing okay and if you’re not that you’ll be okay soon

Secondly I wanted to say thank you, tank you for all the wonderful writing you’ve given us and all the ideas you’ve put out into the world. I found your writing after I started XIV and it was a blessing, not just because of how little people were writing for it at the time but also because I was in a hard place and your writing offered my a lot of comfort. I’ve followed you and your writing since then and I wanted you to know that I’ve read almost everything you’ve put out, I dosnt matter to me they’re short or long as you’re truly talented. My favorites are the mini ascians or the weird courting with Nabriales and Lahabrea and I tend to go back and read them often

Thank you again, please take care of yourself and do what you need to to be the best you you can be okay? Everyone deserves to thrive and be happy and that goes for you as well. It’s not selfish to take care of yourself so please remember that

Thank you, anon. I'm doing alright, as well as anyone right now I would think, but better than I have for a while. I've really struggled for a while with writer's block, or maybe just simply burn out.

I'd honestly love if I just could write all the time and fill every request that I have. Unfortunately everyday life prevents that for me most often as I am one of the caretakers for my sister and the designated chef of my house that makes sure everyone is fed. If I don't cook, nobody eats.

Still, that doesn't stop me from thinking up ideas all the time and jotting them down when I can. I like connecting with people, I like making people happy. It's a little funny with how socially awkward I am. I've always been a bit of a shy person, at least until I feel comfortable with someone. (I've been invited to a few discords, and I truly feel terrible that I never talk because of this.)

I had quit writing for a long time when I picked it up again at a certain point in Heavensward. (Has it really been so long now? Time is flying by.) I never expected to be where I am now. I didn't really think I'd get something like a hundred followers, let alone over 2k. (Not a lot by internet standards, but it is to me. When you think about that many people in one place, it's rather a lot, isn't it?)

I'm really glad that my writings could help anyone at all. That they could bring people joy even when they're having a hard time. Because that is what writing has been for me. It's my piece of joy even when I'm feeling terrible. Reading was my escape ever since I was very young (too young to be reading smutty Inuyasha fanfictions. Let's be real here. Mom was right when she found out. XD I still think of you, smutty SessKag fanfic. My white whale. Will I ever find you again? Are you as good as I remember? The world may never know.)

I loved reading so much, and I had so many ideas. I started writing really bad Inuyasha fanfic when I was a teenager. Most of them are still there, still unfinished and collecting dust on FF dot net. I even wrote some stuff for Final Fantasy XI, too. But I'd given up writing until Haurchefant made me feel things.

So to be where I am now, with enough interest in my writing that people actively request it. It feels good. (I only wish I could write more, that I had more time. That I could clone myself maybe. No, maybe it'd end up like Multiplicity with Michael Keaton or Living With Yourself with Paul Rudd. I'd just end up jealous of my clone who got to write all the time, or who got to spend time with my family without me. Would it end in attempted murder of said clone? Nah, they'd probably off me first. I'm too lazy. I just want to lie down most of the time and write. They'd get me first.)

Right now I am happy.

Starting commissions has been really lovely. Being trusted to write for people's lovely characters, and seeing how happy they are to talk about them. Doing my best to accurately protray those characters as I would any other with a lot of research (I feel sorry for all the questions on my Google Doc, only to ask a hundred more as I write.) I feel like I'm connecting more with people, even though I am the way I am.

And... Being able to say "yes, I am making some money at what I do all the time" is certainly good. I have dealt with judgement that I was writing all the time for free instead of doing things to make money, so. Doing commissions has been good.

We only have one life and I'd love it if mine could be spent making people happy with what makes me happy, too. So, thank you for reading and staying as long as you have even with my long pauses between writing. I appreciate you all so much, I hope you know.

Thank you for all your kind words. I hope that you're doing well. That things are better for you, too. That you will be happy.

I hope you know I'll be thinking of you, anon. Especially when I write some more of those ascian things you love. I'll be dedicating that to you. You take care of yourself, too, ok? ❤️

[intheseautumnhands]

4 17 18 25

( writing asks ) And then the end of the work week made me forget I'd ever done this one, whoops.

I got babbly, so I stuck it under a cut. :D

4. Tell me about your favorite will-never-finish-it fic? Why won’t it be finished?

Most of the stuff I thought up for a long time never actually got started, and a lot of them I still absently hope to get done someday, though a lot of them are unlikely. XD

The main one I can think of that I started, and don't think I'll ever go back to at this point, is the MCU fic I was going to write for polybigbang one year. Clint/Bucky/Steve/Natasha, starting after Winter Soldier and more or less ignores everything that happened or was revealed after -- I started it a couple movies later, but I ignore a lot of later MCU if I write it. Clint has a habit of picking up strays, people who need a place for the night or a little bit of help, and isn't going to let the collapse of SHIELD stop him; he doesn't realize the latest one is Bucky until he tells Natasha about him, and that starts a whole chain reaction. I wrote a fair amount for it, for me -- about 8k altogether, plus some rough outlining -- and while it was never a plot-heavy story, I had a lot of thoughts about the emotional arcs and interpersonal conflict.

I'm just less interested in writing the MCU overall lately, and if I ever did, I feel like it'd be easier to start fresh with things that were never more than an idea. Plus, the more canon gets added, the harder it gets to just go, "I am wiping out like seven years of movies for this fic and pretending they don't exist", without going totally OOC for this version of the characters. XD I'm not even sure I could really accurately write the versions of them I was back in like 2014 anymore. But I did like it, and I kind of wish I could make it be more than an overly-long set-up, a handful of scenes, and a series of increasingly ridiculous notes about missing scenes.

Also, it has this, which I never finished the rest of the scene for, but sort of want to rescue and put in something else if I ever go back to MCU fic, because I really liked this:

...because see, the problem isn't that Natasha has one-sided conversations at him; that would be fine. Clint would know how to handle that, but that's way simpler than what's actually going on. No, Natasha has ten-sided conversations at him, and all ten are her own sides, and Clint's never sure if he's supposed to have a voice in them too, or if he's supposed to stand here like a handball wall and let Natasha bounce all of her many points of view off of him til whatever's set her off into this state settles in her brain.

It's what he ends up doing, though, every time, because he doesn't know what he'd tell her. She never really says it, but he gets the feelings these conversations are even more of a minefield than she can't help showing. One wrong step, and she'd shut down, and he doesn't know if she'd ever open up to him like this again.

And if there's something worse than Natasha having cryptic, complex, intricate debates with herself using him as a prop? It would be knowing he'd been allowed to be that prop, and see this unsure part of herself that she keeps so carefully clamped down, and did something to prove that he didn't deserve to see it at all.

There's more of the fic that I actually like than I expected for like eight years ago, but that part is one of the first I wrote and still one of the bits I like the most.

17. What’s your overused word/phrase that you have to keep an eye out for when you edit?

"Just" and "a little". Everyone just barely does things in my fics and I need to be ruthless with it when I go through drafts. XD Also, my first instinct 90% of the time is that you are not in love now, you are fucked. "[love interest does something cute/characteristic/charming/attractive/affectionate] and [they're] so, so fucked" is my personal version of the italicized oh; it's slipped through at least two or three fics I've put up and been cut out of several.

And everyone smiles, shrugs, and leans against things too often in most of my first drafts.

18. What’s your favorite word to slip into stories if you can?

I can't actually think of one! I like too many words to show that kind of favoritism. XD

25. Freebie! What question do you wish I had asked? Answer it here!

I don't know if that's supposed to be general or off this list, I will go with off the list cause I am too tired to come up with something. XD Let me go with this one, cause I have a small ramble:

What fic is on your back burner, waiting to be written when you feel your skill matches its potential?

I'm cheating a little, cause it's not a fic but a genre. Social media fic; I love reading it, I have one or two ideas for them, but I feel like making social media sound remotely natural is hard enough when using it in real life for me. XD I'd love to write one someday, I even tried to start one at one point which never got finished, but I don't know when I'll feel up to it (or be in a fandom that works for it again, although I do have some urge to write TUA social media fic despite the time period, mostly around Allison's career).

(For a specific fic, there is an AU fic for Hadestown I keep thinking about, half-inspired by Pippin, where Persephone and Hermes keep manipulating new people to replay the story to try and fix things, focusing on the repetitions where it goes wrong, and I don't know right now if I could do that justice, even if the main reason I'm holding off is time and wanting to finish some WIPs before I start a new one.)

[trevorendeavors]

A. How did you come up with the title to [insert fic]?

"Hexsquad Among Humans: Perils of a Realm Beyond the Boiling Isles" was first born out of a Drabble about the hex squad trying peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, so the first title it went by was "Peanut Butter Jelly Time" or something similar (my outline document still goes by "Peanut Butter Outline). Other titles I considered were "Have you ever known the terror of a vacuum cleaner? - and other perils of the human realm" and "The Human House" (suggested by my beta @camomile-t). Eventually, I decided on a mishmash of some of the titles.

B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

A better question is, "Which of my stories aren't inspired by personal experience?" Nearly everything I write is spurred by a personal experience of my own or of someone close to me.

C: What character do you identify with most?

Probably Luz and Hunter. Segwaying from last question, I wrote Luz's nonverbal episodes based on my own, and Hunter's inability to accurately assess social cues based on my own social shortcomings.

D. Is there a song or a playlist to associate with [insert fic]?

There currently exist two HAH (the short acronym of my fic) playlists, one by yours truly and the other by my beta @edenihira. My personal playlist is more vibes-based than lyrics based. That is, the music there is suited to the emotional atmosphere of the fic as opposed to containing relevant lyrics. Some of the songs in my personal playlist do contain themes I don't feel like sharing here, so here's Eden's playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/45bxXIDAGy3wBRnTkGlz0q?si=3d8fdf47603d4e6b

Individual songs from my playlist that fit well include: Life by Mother Mother, Hold Me by Erby Burnfield, Don't Know Who I Am by Rebecca Roubion, the pattern by the Narcissist Cookbook, and Far From Home by August James. I also enjoy listening to the Madoka Magica OST and the Backrooms OST while writing this.

E: If you wrote a sequel to [insert fic], what would it be about?

HAH is very unlikely to get a sequel because it doesn't have a set end in mind (Update after Thanks to Them - the end will likely be at the end of this episode, but I'm not entirely sure). This started from a peanut butter jelly Drabble, and I'm just writing this insofar as I have the inspiration to write.

But hypothetically? It'd probably focus on the adult lives of the Hexsquad, possibly in a "Bad End" AU where they're permanently stuck in the human realm.

F: Share a snippet from one of your favourite dialogue scenes you've written and explain why you're proud of it.

Taken from Chapter 3: The Wounds. The context is that Camila is tending to Hunter's wounds. Bolded words indicate Luz using her phone to text (she's nonverbal in this scene, and uses her phone to talk to the others).

“Let me guess,” he allowed himself a slight chuckle. “‘It hurts me more than it hurts you’?” He said it like it was some known and easily relatable inside joke. Like adults who joked about ‘workin’ hard or hardly working,’ or kids who teased each other for weird hairstyles, niche interests - for basically existing really. Amity in particular seemed to recoil at Hunter’s attempt at humor.

Once it was abundantly clear that no one was ‘in on it,’ he cleared his throat. His half-formed smile flattened back into a serious line. “I’m sorry. I spoke out of turn.” The words sounded so brittle coming from him.

Camila continued to stare in disbelief. “It hurts me that someone would ever use that line with you.”

She means that. Luz backed up her mom, much to the protest of her aching hand. I know what you’re thinking and she’s not like that. She flashed the phone at Hunter, who read the message. He opened his mouth, closed it, and refrained from saying anything more. Flapjack nuzzled his hand, encouraging him to pet him. He did, and Luz saw the tension in his shoulders drop a little. 

Earlier, she had to confront Hunter on something (and very firmly at that) but she still shows sympathy and compassion for when he's physically hurting - that is unconditional, as it should be with any parent. What I strive to do in writing Camila is depicting a parent who is flawed but trying to do her best. I'm aware of the younger audience that likely encounters my fics, so for them I write a mom who is strong but still compassionate.

And personally, fuck any adult who says "It hurts me more than it hurts you." That's not possible. Like, sure, you, the adult, who is in complete control of the situation and the punishment, who has a fully formed frontal cortex (responsible for impulse control) and biologically predisposed to better emotional regulation, you are hurting more than the child who has no control of the situation, limited control of their emotions, and limited ability to judge and contemplate the validity of the authority figure before them? Yeah, no, screw that.

Of course, having never been a parent, I am limited in my ability to write them. Thus, I occasionally seek out the help of those who are as well as my own family. I also write on the unfortunate experience of frequently having to pick up the shambles of younger friends whose parents (and emergency mental health services) are best, flawed and lacking and at worst, atrocious and abusive. So, I write what I wish those parents had done better.

I also want to ad a caveat for those parents whom I know are trying but, due to their own trauma that they're trying to manage, are limited in their success - those occur too.

As an additional side note, for those worried about the Huntlow content in my fic, Camila and Hunter's platonic bond is going to take as much (if not far more) prevalence in the fic.

G: Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

A combination of both! I write mostly chronologically, but some scenes get flip-flopped around in terms of order, and some are mixed around. Sometimes I'll write two scenes and then bridge them later.

H: How would you describe your style?

In terms of writing? Oh boi. It's similar yet different to my speaking style, which is a combination of academic formalities, internet slang, and quirks picked up from other languages I know. I work as an academic writing tutor and honestly? Spare for a few writing conventions, my fic and academic styles are basically the same.

As for plot, I tend to be very dialogue-focused. I love exploring character interactions and I love writing altered mental states (drunkenness [not in this fic I don't think], dissociation, panic attacks, among others). Something about pushing the human (or in this case witch) mind to its breaking point is just so fascinating to me.

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

I have a tendency to write too much angst, so at times I need to dial it back some so that the reader doesn't grow numb to it, ya know?

J: Write or describe an alternative ending to [insert fic].

Not applicable bc as mentioned earlier, HAH has no set ending.

K: What's the angstiest idea you've ever come up with?

Aaaaand that would be spoilers!

L: How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

For this fic in particular, Writing the chapter usually takes a few weeks and so does the revision process. This fic is the one I put the most professional effort into. Other fics of mine like Possible to Pretend just get a quick once-over before posting.

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you'd care to share?

Ehhhh those are probably spoilers.

N: Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?

Honestly yes. There's this fic idea I have called "Wrong End of the Splash Zone" (dubbed the Goop AU by bon on discord). I got the idea from the "Luz Wittebane" AU on tiktok, in which Luz was secretly evil the whole time. My friends and I dubbed it poor in writing, so I devised an alternative. In it, Luz, is the one who gets splashed by Belos goop and as a result, slowly becomes possessed by him. I've written dribbles on the concept and drawn fanart for it, but I don't have the spoons to make it into a full on AU.

O: How do you begin a story—with the plot, or the characters?

I begin with a half-assed drabble that I tell myself is just gonna be for funsies and then get way too involved.

P: Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an "architect" or a "gardener"? (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the story unfold as you go?)

It's a hybrid of both. Usually a drabble at the start, then I'll go back and plan a little, write some more (while only loosely adhering to the outline) then go back to the outline when I get stuck.

Q: How do you feel about collaborations?

I almost never collaborate. I sometimes have beta-readers, and sometimes I expand on others' ideas, but I rarely ever collaborate from the start. Even in RPs (which I haven't done in a while) I like to direct more than be directed. I guess I prefer more clearly defined roles of either "I'm leading this" or "I'm going off of your original idea."

R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

Oh, a good plenty. @camomile-t, @edenihira, @doyouhearthunder, @noelle-holi-gay, and @a-town-called-hometown come to mind.

S: Any fandom tropes you can't resist?

I can't resist "Luz Noceda Needs a Hug" - she's just such a fun character to traumatize!!!

T: Any fandom tropes you can't stand?

I will personally arm-wrestle anyone who writes Camila as a purely bad (and not just flawed) mom, especially after the recent ep.

U: Share three of your favourite fic writers and why you like them so much.

Oof, top 3? Why ya gotta be so narrow? Other fic artists I hadn't already mentioned include @thunderpetal, and @phoenixparadox

Cam: succinct and minimalist yet descriptive writing.

Eden: excellent angst. Oh the "oh shitshitshitshit" moments I've had with their writing.

Thunder: master of suspension and buildup

Holigay: Incredibly versatile with both cheesy campy gay romance that has me squealing, a belly-busting sense of humor, and a knack for angst.

A-town: absolutely incredible surrealism and uncanny visuals depict horror while rarely using blood.

Thunderpetal: fundamentally understands character interactions between Luz and Amity on a profound level, as if knowing them in person.

Phoenix: Normally I don't get invested in others' ocs but I fucking love Phoenix's TOH ocs.

V: If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

Oh that's a tough one. I would probably finish some unfinished fics. For some reason, I particularly like writing works based off my friend Eden's. Their writing is like a well-crafted statue that I can't help but want to paint on. That is, it's great on its own, and it inspires me to expand on it even more.

W: Do you like more general prompts, or more specific ones?

It really depends. I think I skew more general.

X: A character you enjoy making suffer.

Luz and Hunter are my favorites to whump, but everyone gets a little suffering here and there :D

Y: A character you want to protect.

... also Luz and Hunter.

Z: Major character death—do you ever write/read it? Is there a character whose death you can't tolerate?

I usually only go for canon deaths if I do read those. As for the most recent death in the TOH universe, I'm not totally decided on that one...

FanFic Ask Game

A: How did you come up with the title to [insert fic]?

B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

C: What character do you identify with most?

D: Is there a song or a playlist to associate with [insert fic]?

E: If you wrote a sequel to [insert fic], what would it be about?

F: Share a snippet from one of your favourite dialogue scenes you've written and explain why you're proud of it.

G: Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

H: How would you describe your style?

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

J: Write or describe an alternative ending to [insert fic].

K: What's the angstiest idea you've ever come up with?

L: How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you'd care to share?

N: Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?

O: How do you begin a story—with the plot, or the characters?

P: Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an "architect" or a "gardener"? (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the storu unfold as you go?)

Q: How do you feel about collaborations?

R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

S: Any fandom tropes you can't resist?

T: Any fandom tropes you can't stand?

U: Share three of your favourite fic writers and why you like them so much.

V: If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

W: Do you like more general prompts, or more specific ones?

X: A character you enjoy making suffer.

Y: A character you want to protect.

Z: Major character death—do you ever write/read it? Is there a character whose death you can't tolerate?

Transcribed from @stylinbreeze60's post.

Feel free to send me a letter(s) (or any question really! xD)

[heartshyuck]

'spirits , l.d.h.' scared me shitless especially since i read it at about 2 in the morning lmao the bit of when it was revealed that haechan died months ago was definitely one of the 2 scenes that i immediately thought of when i saw the ask game. dude, really didn't expect that it'd be a legit successful ouija board calling, i thought haechan was merely clowning renjun like how it usually happens in real life lol

omf, the next fic i'm mentioning is definitely my favourite of yours (it screwed me up big time, in a good way so don't worry) i read 'hiraeth' before 'spirits' so my mental welfare was not that great and 'spirits' made it worse oh my lord. it stills brings me goosebumps whenever i think about haechan's dream of the growing boy and what makes it even creepier is that it's basically who he is in the inside and a damn prediction of his future. like dude, how are you so amazing at storytelling? also, if it's alright, what mental illness exactly did you base haechan's symptoms of?

i felt like i love this work of yours the most because it was some sort of breathe of new, fresh air; it was the first time i encountered a fic like this. i don't even know what to call it lmao something like thriller horror, hopefully you get my point. it was tragic, but beautiful. it wasn't entirely the sort of the usual horror-thriller story that's like 'hey this was scary af, i loved the thrill and i had fun watching it damn', no. it was devastating. it's already probably a given but i felt the need to mention it directly: the fact that all that happened, of which what maybe some or majority would find terrifying itself for your narration and plot-building is extraordinary, is because of a desire to feel happiness within an illusionary home made it more depressing.

but what broke me the most was the ending. everything was perfect, from start to finish. it's a literal blessing that it was in a 7 thousand word count, i was able to enjoy the story for a long time. yet even with such a length, you were able to express such grief and confusion displayed by the characters in every word. though as i said, the last paragraph was the breaking point, especially the last sentence. what should be a painful scene is turned into something captivating ("... and before anyone else can stop him, he walks out to be with you. He stumbles and leaps, his body carried by the wind. He hears Mark run and shout, he hears Jeno scream but his eyes are set on you.") if read alone without any context, you might think it'd be a romance with a bitter-sweet ending, wouldn't you? but then the last sentence will immediately come crashing down, drowning you in the sea of truth that his life is anything but full hope ("He wants to be by the sea yet he is met with the concrete of the floor.")

this was supposed to be a short answer to your ask game but as they said, not everything goes the way you would want it to. LMAO

omg thank you so much for this! It means so much to me and has literally made my whole day 😩 ugh ily <3

omg I don't even think many people have read 'spirits' or 'hiraeth' so it's so nice to receive this ask from you! I wrote spirits for Halloween a while ago and bro I scared myself writing that but I'm glad it had that affect on others too. I've never realised how perfect spirits is as a follow up for hiraeth, definetly not good for our wellbeing.

I'm so glad you like hiraeth, it was so hard to write and I really wanted it to be perfect in terms of wording and how it flowed. I'm glad you found it tragic yet beautiful, it was exactly what I was going. The little boy was intended to be seen as haechan seeing himself, I'm glad you picked that up 😩, to kind of show that there's at least one part of him still aware of what happening but he confuses reality as a dream and takes the dream of reader as reality.

In terms of illness I based haechan's symptoms on schizophrenia, definetly not accurate! But i guess it was also lead a lot by historical prejudice on mental illness and how being locked away would further deteriate his mental health.

I love the last part and I'm really glad you picked up on those sentences. Again I was trying to portray him chasing his dream (reader) but finally reality (the concrete) hits in and well 🥴 yeah.

Thank you so much for this ask 😭 you made my day <3

ask game: most memorable scene from my fics?

[whatsanalec]

Every Summer, I Regret That Fret from a Time Unreachable

... Is a line from a poem I wrote that references my other poems called Thunder Clouds and Lightning Bolts and The Snowball Effect (the latter of which I made a piece based on last year - click here for images of that).

Here's the poem (in image form for formatting's sake):

That untitled poem remains unfinished, but that line really stands out to me. It's about wanting and reminiscing about something you failed to obtain before, when you now have something you should be cherishing instead.

Lead by the theme of reflection I inadvertently carried throughout this semester, I knew I wanted to use high vis reflective material - the kind traffic cones wear - in some way. At first I thought of making a kind of collage piece, inspired by the concept of a scrapbook and looking through the memories in it (reminiscing), but I still want to make less physical, more film-based work. So, I made a few concepts of what I could do.

A few things to explain. One: Having the collection of off cuts from previous laser cutter work (some of which I used last semester), it would be a mistake not to use some of it, especially in what I want to be a collage or collage-esque piece. So that's what the eye and hair parts are. I used those ones in particular because the poem refers to a "she," a person (primarily because it's about a "she").

Two: I decided I wanted to use the high vis on those pieces because the idea of the eye, the person, looking back at you light bouncing off it.

Three: The flower shape refers to the flower in the poem, who The Snowball Effect was also partly about. No, you won't understand it without this knowledge, but I like how ambiguous it is. Plus, it's kind of personal. Worth noting that I got the flower shape from the source of the flower motif - a dress.

And Four: The different coloured images are junk prints I got from the print department back during Print 101 last year. These were great to use as the 'memories' in this idea due to their abstract appearance and nature. Using them instead of actual photos makes it feel more abstract and subjective.

A description of each concept underneath the image.

This was more of a throwaway, something to make the list longer. Without a background makes it much less visually interesting (in my opinion) but it's also way more minimal, which I kind of like. The idea of just a face - or part of a face - looking back at you is intriguing.

These next couple concepts involve having a physical flower-shaped base, probably laser cut. This one is what I first had in mind. Using the images to mimic the form of the flower itself and the layers its petals make up. This is sort of using the idea of 2D depth I explored before. Probably my second favourite concept.

I called this one "scrapbook" in the file name because that's the idea I wanted to get across with this concept. Like a gallery of memory. However, this sounds much better on paper than in photoshop. Albeit there are other ways to go about the idea.

Moving onto the ones that involve projection. This was a better and more layered version of the scrapbook idea - having the array of images on the wall with the face on top, and the silhouette of the flower being projected onto everything like a spotlight. Quite cinematic when I think about it.

Ignore the stroke, my mistake. The idea behind this one was to have it like a fast-moving slideshow of the different images being projected onto the... face? I'll call it the face from here on. I liked this one because it's more like what you see in your head when you reminisce about memories. A series of moments.

I went with the last one. Now, by this point the last chance to loan a projector had passed, so I had to make a simulation. Here's what I did:

I had four pieces of high vis material and had to use three of them to neatly cover the face. I used the curves of the hair to dictate where each piece ended. A case of getting the outlines, cutting outside the lines and lining each part well.

After getting that in position on the wall, I took some wide angle photographs of it and took a load of macro photographs of the print images. Using depth of field and angles to my advantage, I got a variety of shots.

These were further varied in the editing process. I used Lightroom to make some of them crisper, some less so, some less vibrant, some slightly more so. And of course I masked them so they were in the shape of the flower.

From there, I took the images photos into Premiere and, after editing the perspectives and adding a slight glow to simulate an actual projection, I created this:

That's what I have so far. I won't know how the light from the projection accurately interacts with the high vis until I use an actual projector, but I'm eager to find out. I think it's turned out well do far.

As for sound, I had the idea of adding the sound of flicking book pages in time with the images, but without the visual aid of an actual book, it would just sound like a very fast metronome. I also had the idea about some ambient sound but one: I'm really not sure if it'd fit and two: I never really saw sound being part of this at all to begin with.