#so it’s not like we even have anyone to talk about how much it fucking blows to be poor

[hyperions-light]

Someone was being a fucking hater on my explicitly positive DATV post AGAIN (u all know I can see your tags right. They get delivered to me express mail style) so here’s an essay about how I thought the Grey Warden plotline was great:

First, it was extremely lore-consistent. I don’t know how to tell people this, but the Grey Wardens simply are sort of shady— it’s part of their charm. In DAO alone we found out they:

- kill anyone who refuses the joining

- are definitely using a blood magic ritual to induct people

- tried to usurp the throne of Fereldan

In DA2 they:

-Forced Malcolm Hawke to perform a blood magic ritual against his will to contain Corypheus, by threatening to kill his family

- Built a giant prison in the mountains they didn’t tell anyone about and that someone could wander into and not be able to escape

- the entire Corypheus thing. They didn’t even tell the other Wardens like what he was or how dangerous he was.

DAI:

- the demon army thing was pretty bad

And that’s not even mentioning any stuff from the books or comics or shows! That’s just stuff in the games!

So they’re shady. It’s okay! They’re my little woobie guys, idc if they’re sort of shady!

But the plot in DATV is about all of those previously established issues coming back to bite them in the fucking ass, as they should! Knock knock, it’s the consequences of your actions, baby! The chickens are home to roost

(Which is just good storytelling. Like if you set up a bunch of issues and then never pay them off or anything that’s bad.)

Destroying Weisshaupt was inspired! Firstly bc Davrin is Weisshaupt, metaphorically (bulwark against the darkness, etc, I already made a post) so it serves his character arc. But also because it strips away the pageantry and the grandeur from them; no more castle for you! No more myth!

Davrin explicitly tells you that the First Warden is a traditionalist; he represents the historical attitudes of the Wardens. They do not accept help, they do not give up their secrets, they are standing alone against the dark. And it doesn’t work! He’s fucking wrong (and very punch-able). Being secretive and isolationist is a mistake that costs them nearly everything.

But also, and I’m not sure how many people experienced this on the first go-around, the game does ultimately come down on the side of the Wardens always trying to do the right thing. You CAN talk the First Warden down, because in the end he’s a Warden, and he might be stubborn and curmudgeonly and miserable but he CARES about the world. He came to do good. He admits he was wrong and he helps you. Because the heart of the Wardens is about selfless service to other people. In Death, Sacrifice.

Stripping away Weisshaupt and the glory and pageantry leaves the Wardens at their most vulnerable and forces them to return to their fundamental principles: helping people. That’s what Lavendel is about. Helping individual people and preserving every life possible even if it doesn’t feel that glamorous or heroic. Lavendel isn’t a significant place; it doesn’t matter, but it matters so much.

And then, the Cauldron.

First off, do not at me about Last Flight. I don’t think people should have to read external materials to play this game and understand it. If the information is vital it should be presented to the player in the text.

The Cauldron is the repository of the Wardens’ secrets; it’s where the keep the bones of the Archdemons, the secret to the Joining, ancient and dangerous weapons, as well as the bodies of the griffons, which represents their most shameful errors. Isseya is the avatar of the Wardens’ mistakes; she’s been hurt by what they made her do, and her pain was never acknowledged by them. They buried her story and her suffering like they bury everything they don’t want to deal with and are ashamed of. They left the bones of the griffons, whose deaths they directly caused, to rot because they were too sad to acknowledge them.

But it was wrong to walk away, it was wrong to bury it. Isseya makes sure that they can never do that again, that they have to own what they did and take responsibility. By discovering who she is and by restoring her personhood to her, by reminding her of her love which drove her to her anguish in the first place, Davrin saves her and he saves the griffons. He doesn’t do it using violence, because another sin of the Wardens is just assuming that they can kill their way out of their problems, which the game disproves by revealing the origin of the Blight. You can kill as many darkspawn as you want, you will never fix it! The Titans’ dreams do not need to be slain, they need to be healed.

Isseya is in so much pain because of her incredible love for both the griffons and the Wardens, and because of her guilt. Look what she builds! An alternate Weisshaupt, a distorted reflection of her home. She entreats both Davrin and Assan to join her, because she doesn’t think she’s trying to destroy anything. She’s trying to save them! She wants them to come home. “I am their mother,” she says, and she’s right. She saved them, then, and she ends up saving them now! Because she made Davrin and the other Wardens look, unflinchingly, at what they had done, it will never happen again. She was going about it wrong during the game, but she was ALWAYS trying to save them.

Davrin, Antoine and Evka represent the Wardens’ commitment to being different. They let Flynn undergo the Joining without becoming a Warden, they reveal secrets to non-Warden Rook, they offer to help the Viper without asking for anything in return. They ask for help and offer it freely. If the Wardens are going to persist into a world without Archdemons, they HAVE to change. They can’t be what they were anymore. The game is asking what a Warden is when they have to be more than their oath, when they have to live. It’s a great exploration of and expansion on previously established lore.

Anyway, my advice if you hated the plot and the game and the characters is to a) make your own post b) don’t bother me about it, because I have the time and I will be loudly positive in response!

[byjove-cannibalcove]

my uncle (who 15 years later is a super anti-trans pro-trump guy) when i told him i was trans as a teenager: starts explaining to me that i should date older divorced women "because if they are used goods theyll just be glad anyone is willing to take them, which is how (2007 version of the phrase 'low value men') like us get 9s and 10s, ive NEVER dated below a 7, hot girls get desperate when they're older" --(coincidentally we stopped to eat and even though i was not attempting to pass i walked into the womens bathroom and a man saw me doing it and GRABBED ME and scolded me and tried to push me towards the men room and i froze up, squeaked, hurried into the womens room, he went and got a manager, i had to go 'no im a girl' like it was.. not fun! a very BAD first accidental passing situation! i only felt miserable embarrassed and in danger. )

a year or so later, coming out to my dad id only recently met as being a 16ish year old Lesbian (because i didnt trust him enough to come out as trans): 'oh okay, cool, lets go to hooters and oggle the waitresses, they are hot but stupid haha, i like stupid girls the most (note, his gf was 20 years younger than him) but id FUCK Sarah Palin, im only going to vote for Mccain just because Palin is HOT, hey did you hear they made a porn of her lookalike? yeah i know she hates gay people (and you are gay) but who cares, shes fUCKABLE i dont care what shes SAYING i just care about her BOOBS'

when i was about 18 during the training week for my first ever job at krogers i managed to pass without realizing it until the dudes invited just me (not the 1 girl) to eat lunch with them and just IMMEDIATELY started talking about fucking girls, girls being worthless if they were ugly and 'if theyre ugly just fuck em in the mouth hahaha' and HEY you know what i did NOT feel liek one of the boys, i felt like i was IN DANGER if they clocked me!! i did not feel like id gotten a special pass to the Fun Misogyny World where id get paid more, i was a 5'2" spotty teen boy working his first ever job as a grocery bagger who was now kind of scared his new coworkers might kill him, because ALL id done to pass was have short hair, be naturally kinda ugly, and have a gender-neutral nickname. none of my bosses thought i was a guy, they could find out at any second (as soon as we got back from lunch, evern) , that i was a worthless ugly girl that had invaded their space for their private conversatoin and maybe theyd decide to to show me what they meant!!!???

i have pretty much never managed to pass Ever Again after that point as far as i know, just a handful of times where a service worker went 'sir' to me, so these are pretty much the only times ive ever passed and it wasnt super fun!! so like!! maybe if youre a big huge strong tough trans guy with a spine of steel, complete confidence in your ability to pass and defend yourself, are in a highpowered/skilled enough environment to not worry about your job opportunities, maybe in that case invitations to the Fun Special Misogyny Club are being handed out even if you disclose that youre trans and hey, maybe its even fun to be there! ... but acting like thats the DEFAULT is just insane.

I'm this close to just sending that trans inclusive radical misogynist post, the one about how there's loads of guys who'll go "oh, you're a man now, great, come shit talk women with us" to every blog insisting that trans men can't have male privilege and it's transandrophobia to say they do. Not every trans man has this experience but it's actually pretty common even for out trans men to be seen as, if not "real" men depending on who you ask, certainly non-women, and encouraged to perform misogyny as part of their social transition.

[drdemonprince]

ok fine cis men aren't the bad gender it's all men and we're all exactly like that anon who admitted to having abused women even if we don't know it. are you fucking happy now? is this the solidarity you want us to feel with cis men, that we're all just as mich rapists and murderers of women as they are? you have some fucking nerve to be throwing vague jabs while calling an admitted abuser "brave"

Normally I don't platform asks like these, but I'm moved by the genuineness of your emotional reaction here. I think you're hurting, and you've been hurt, and that the belief that abuse and violence are located within one gendered group (to which you don't belong) has felt like a way of organizing your world that has helped you make sense of things, and given you guidelines for how to act and whom to trust that have helped keep you safe. I think a lot of assault survivors feel that way when they're not cis men and their attackers were cis men.

As someone who has experienced a ton of sexual predation at the hands of cis women, cis men, and even other trans people, I don't feel the same way. There is no "bad gender" I can chalk up my abuse to. I find there are no easy means of categorizing entire people as abuser or as victim either -- I have known so, so many people who have occupied both roles depending upon the power they wielded and the social context of the moment. Hell, one cis lesbian that I knew who was infamous in her community for raping trans men would always tell her victims that her acts were those of "trauma recovery," of her "reclaiming" her power after men had stolen it away.

Even she, I don't think, is irredeemable or ontologically evil.

I'm an abolitionist. That's a core value through which a lot of my political action and beliefs flow. If you're not on board with the project of abolitionism, you'll find much to object to here, and most of your objections are things I will refuse to entertain, because I do not believe human beings are disposable no matter what they do, and I don't believe that anyone should have the authority to deem another human being as disposable.

An abolitionist politics is incompatible with the idea that some people or some groups are inherently bad. It's incompatible with the belief that abuse and violence comes from evil. It's a worldview that holds that people do harm because of social structures and networks of power that must be destroyed -- systems like the patriarchy, cissexism, anti-Blackness, ableism, capitalism, and more. And I think one of the ways that we conquer such oppressive systems is by raising the consciousness of all the people trapped under it -- so that we can topple it together. I want trans men and cis men alike to realize they have some skin in the game.

You don't have to associate with the men you don't want to associate with. If, because of repeated abuses at the hands of men, you can't ever trust them, well, those are your feelings, that's your life, that is your business. But when your personal feelings of safety are used as a justification for developing and promoting a worldview with transphobic, transmisogynistic implications, I'm gonna talk shit about that on my stupid little blog. And I'm gonna continue conducting my life in the way I feel I should.

And for me, that means forging common ground between trans men and cis men, and pushing both groups to take women's concerns seriously (especially trans women's concerns) and to stop centering themselves in feminist dialogue. There's a place for both trans men and cis men in the gender revolution, but we gotta do a lot of work on ourselves to stop getting in the way. It's work I'm emotionally equipped to do and find rewarding, and it's fine if you don't. There are lots of other people who need support that you can focus your energies on -- other survivors of abuse and assault that you perhaps find it easier to relate to. That's important work too, and I wish you well in doing it. Just make sure you're not excluding trans women in that work or I'll continue to be annoying about it on my stupid little blog.

[tatsumi-rin]

Anyone else thought about this?

With the popularity of Mouthwashing as a game, I've seen people who talk about it talk about the mouthwash itself as a metaphor for Jimmy (and they're definitely correct in their read imo), but dear god NO ONE is talking about it as a potential metaphor for Pony Express itself as a company.

This is an item considered to be an essential. It is a dental hygiene product dentists would generally recommend you have. 99.9% of bacteria gone - but this one is loaded with sugar. Using this is going to be detrimental to its own cause and probably worse than using no mouthwash at all.

Pony Express? No matter your start, it seems like a good, stable job and a promising future. People will always need goods transported to other planets. It even has a cute mascot representing pride in their work that they sell toys of to kids!

Butttttt, the caveats. Oh boy, the caveats. All of those cute images are done to soften the blow of little red pieces of text about how doing things to the point of basically existing means your credits are going to get docked - something that's just as much Aperture Science-esque dark humor as horrible foreshadowing. Late delivery? Docked. Resting in any manner for more than five hours? Docked. Using medical support in any manner? Docked. REPORTING ISSUES TO HR??? MOTHER. FUCKING. DOCKED.

And trying to avoid any of those dockings; those detriments? Pretty much impossible, and that would spell doom for anyone: including members of a certain ship. With every one of those rules, if they survived that payout would be hilariously low. The usual rules; made by out of touch people in fancy suits.

The members of the Tulpar all (mostly) had reasons to be there, even at radically different life stages. Reasons why they needed the work, and reasons why it should fulfill those reasons and enrich their lives.

It was meant to be Jimmy's ticket away from struggling on earth. It was meant to be Daisuke gaining direction in life. It was meant to be Anya finally getting into medical school. It was meant to be Swansea gaining a stable and fulfilling life as he made it into sobriety, and it was meant to be Curly making it further up into his career path with glowing words of praise.

As per capitalism's usual spiel that we were even shown in the game itself via public domain cartoon, taking this job was meant to be joyous opportunity and innovation for their lives; but with so many flaws in the system around them around them - including the words on those posters - just trying to find benefit in the system they needed in order to survive was nothing more than fatal poison. The dead pixel, the sugar, and the 0.1% all working together.

[alllgator-blood]

Okay I promise my next post will be the angst comic part 4 but FIRST. THE ONE AND ONLY THING I SHIP

LITERALLY THE SECOND PERSON WHO GUESSED THE PAIRING GOT IT CORRECT??? THAT WAS FAST. This is a situation where I have to go "okay hear me out" because it makes 0 sense to anyone but me. This is really long and very dependent on my au comic nobody but me has read, but the TL;DR is:

I feel like they'd be a good pairing because shamura loves to learn but doesn't care about material goods, and mystic seller is used to all gods talking to them only BECAUSE they offer material goods. So when somebody actually wanted to know about *them* personally and what it's like to be a weird angel thing, the two established a bond. Also they're both agender and most likely asexual AND don't seem to be socially aware despite being ancient wise beings that know seemingly everything, so they understood each other like instantly.

I have a lot of sketches of them hanging out but here's a shitpost sketch thing I made AAAAAGES ago

Okay so from an in-game standpoint, mystic seller pops up to tell you how the post-game works with purgatory and all that, and introduces the purged bosses. Really ratau could've done that as the established Tutorial Guy, or even narinder but there IS the chance that you killed both of them (lol) so mystic seller is the unkillable, all-knowing angel that shows up to say "you suck at killing people. The bishops are trapped in purgatory, you know. You should probably do something about that".

But from like a CHARACTER standpoint what do they stand to gain? They're not even from your dimension so why should they care, they're just here for your god tears? From the dialogue about the bishops we can see that they don't really give a shit about any of them, EXCEPT! SHAMURA? Mystic seller doesn't feel emotions like "our kind" does but one of the only times they do, it's to say it's a shame what happened to shamura. They also say they didn't barter with them much, because they "needed little".

SO THAT HAD ME THINKING. My au comic (which is hundreds of sketched panels and the full thing will never see the light of day unless I post it unfinished. Eugh) is about shamura going around chronicling everything they witnessed during the time they were alive, and they notice everyone is like...selfish. Trying to be the last god standing. Really obsessed with trinkets and charms, so some of the gods just go around harvesting relics from the other gods and using their powers to survive a little longer. Shamura has visions of the future of siblings they don't know they have yet, so they try to be friendly with the rest of the pantheon to form a family and it always bites them in the ass, so they have to kill them.

Eventually they end up with all these fuckin god tears and they're thinking "what do I even do with these? Nobody wants them and everyone has them", and BOOM. MYSTIC SELLER JUMPSCARE. They do the whole introduction where they say they have loot in exchange for god tears, shamura just drops off the tears and is like "I don't care about trinkets, bye" and the seller is like. What Thy Fuck. Because every other god is pretty adamant on getting something good in exchange for the tears. So they call them back and ask if there's ANYTHING at all they want. And shamura, being the self-proclaimed wisdom god, just asks the seller to talk about themself for a while, who's just like okkaaayyy?? Nobody else ever asked what it's like to be a bizarre circle headed angelic creature that collects magical bits and pieces, but shamura LOVES to learn, and the two bonded that way. Shamura would bring the mystic seller god tears, the seller would tell them a story, they'd write it down to put in their archives and the conversations eventually got more personal when the stories started to run out. They both realized they don't understand how other people work, but they knew how *each other* worked so they could kinda learn how to function as normal people with each other's observations.

When I say I ship them I mostly mean like a QPP situation because I think they'd be good partners in the most autistic asexual way possible, where they don't make out sloppy style or outright say "I love you", but they have an understanding of one another that doesn't apply to anyone else really. They don't have to rely on conventional relationship stuff to know the other one cares deeply for them in the most nonverbal, oddly specific way possible. I know shamura's the smart one but I really feel like that extends to everything except understanding how people work, hence all the stuff that happened with narinder and the rest of the family. So finding someone else outside the pantheon who is quite literally inhuman, otherworldly, genderless and uninterested in Carnal Desire would definitely make them feel the closest thing to romantic love that they can. Also, since mystic seller lets the gods name them, shamura named them "sunshine" after hearing one of their followers singing that "you are my sunshine" song to the person they loved the most. I always liked how shamura has their little moon crown and the mystic seller is depicted as the sun in some of the art? They go together well is what I'm saying and I'm kinda surprised nobody has done anything of them yet.

I WILL SAY I have angst planned for them once I do the introductory comics, it has to do with how narinder's imprisonment happened literally right in front of where mystic seller sets up shop, so canonically it's safe to assume they watched shamura get lobotomized in real time :')

But for now...I must go back to kallamar angst cause I've been putting off posting this part. It gets very mentally ill very quickly so I needed to balance it out with fluff......

[vidavalor]

Love reading your thoughts, @masnadies! Have some in return on the shop metaphor and why I think Aziraphale does attempt sleep at times, if you or anyone else is interested. No pressure. 😊

Cute excuse, too, for one of my favorites of @mimisempai's correctly "incorrect" gifs 😊

<<If we can be bookshops (and honestly, I can't think of much I'd rather be), then all the mementos are memories, and all the books are what? knowledge? also memories? ideas? Intriguing, in any case, as the bookshop is full of clutter and rare, valuable books, none of that cheap stuff but it's everywhere all mixed up and nobody can figure it out. All of that is lovely for metaphor of Aziraphale.>>

I can't think of anything I'd rather be than a bookshop, either. 😊 i think Aziraphale is the bookshop on two, different-but-interconnected levels, I think. One is the metaphorical one we're talking about here; the other is the characters' sexually euphemistic one, which I think exists in the dialogue, in part, to help us see the metaphorical use of the bookshop for Aziraphale. It makes it more interesting, though, because Aziraphale using the bookshop as a stand-in for himself in innuendo means that he and Crowley are self-aware of the metaphor, which allows the characters themselves to be seen playing with it as metaphor and not just as innuendo as well.

So, we have the innuendo-laden things like "Just as that bookshop, technically, is my shop, but we both get plenty of use out of it, don't we?" and the "you like waiting inside" and the "get thee behind me, foul fiend-- after you!"... but we also have Crowley and Aziraphale aware that what is, technically, each their own, is also one another's, because they are a couple. So, The Bentley is Aziraphale's and the bookshop is Crowley's, and that means that it's "Fells' Bookshop" and "no more old bookshops" and "you can't leave this bookshop", etc..

I think that there is a slight difference in understanding between the main characters on this. Not when it comes to the innuendo-- they both get that. It's actually more in how Crowley uses it sometimes and it comes down to how they each see Aziraphale. Aziraphale sees the bookshop like how he sees himself-- not good enough, a compromise when Crowley deserves more-- while Crowley sees the bookshop as clever and safe and home. The same thing that Aziraphale sees as the best he could offer Crowley when he wants to give him more is something that Crowley sees as the most romantic of gestures and evocative of their love for each other and the life they're trying to make together. Aziraphale has still not fully seen this, I don't think. It's the root of the confusion of "you can't leave this bookshop" in 2.06. I think we can all see that Crowley means that Aziraphale can't leave him and their life together but, ironically, Aziraphale had spent the whole season low key trying to figure out how to get them the fuck out of the damn bookshop lol.

Crowley had been struggling to feel safe in there since the fire and why even run it anymore when Heaven hadn't shown up in years and Aziraphale never wanted to run a bookshop? I think he was struggling to figure out whether or not he had an obligation to keep the embassy open or if he could just pack it in and tell Crowley about the cottage and just go live like normal people. He didn't know how to handle that with threats of Heaven and Hell and Armageddon still looming-- The Finale'll solve the rest of that-- but he was circling asking Crowley to go with him to the South Downs. So, when Crowley is all "you can't leave this bookshop" and means him and their life, he thinks Aziraphale was breaking up with him when Aziraphale replies with that (brutal lol) "oh, Crowley, nothing lasts forever." Because Aziraphale thinks they're talking about the actual bookshop because, like The Baby Swap was in S1, The Final 15 is a series of miscommunications based around how no one can understand each other because they're all too in their own heads when it comes to what they're thinking/worrying about to fully recognize what the other person is saying.

I think that all of the Whickber Street Shopkeepers & Traders represent different things in the story based on their personalities and on what kind of businesses they run but, running under all of that, is the fact that Aziraphale actually has two businesses on Whickber Street. He's also a landlord. He owns the land and many of the buildings on and in which the people on Whickber Street are working/living, which means that, metaphorically-speaking? They're all Aziraphale's businesses, too. Aziraphale and Crowley's because they're both the bookshop and Whickber Street. The shopkeepers and traders exist in their own rights but they also exist to highlight stuff about Crowley and Aziraphale and their story.

The two angels who come into the shop in S2-- Gabriel and Muriel-- help further define the books metaphor, imho. Muriel, established to be really lonely, asks Crowley at the end if they can "take a book" with them because "books are like people, only portable." Gabriel spends the season trying to rearrange the books in what winds up being metaphorical for how he sees people. He doesn't need categories or labels or genres and he doesn't judge by their covers-- it's just open up the book, read what it's saying, and group it alongside others by its words. Yes, it gets you some wild bookshelves and possibly the inability to ever find any book ever again lol but, if we're talking about people? It's a great idea. Gabriel and Muriel see books as people because that's who wrote them-- they're the ideas of other living beings and represent their lives. Aziraphale being an avid collector of books and protective of them and careful in preserving their history is, to me, reflecting how much he loves humanity and his ongoing quest to understand life-- pretty much in the same way that us humans love books.

Agreed on the clutter and the million desks and everything in the shop being symbolic of Aziraphale's inner state. I'd also say that it's actually also symbolic of Crowley's, too-- more than it might appear at first to be. He was never really safe in his Hell-owned flat in S1. The bookshop is his home, too--and also, I'd wager, why he never got another flat after Shax took his old one. He could have just gotten another flat or we could have seen him living in a hotel or something in S2. Instead, he's fooling Hell into thinking that he's living entirely in his car while he's really only there for a couple of hours in the morning because it also serves to make it look like he's saying "look at poor me here in my car! I'm definitely not living with the angel!" 😂 I think it's also why Aziraphale never notices that Crowley lost his flat. Why would he when Crowley just basically lives in the shop most nights, all Romeo sneaking out of Juliet's bed before dawn (one of the things which "no nightingales" references being that bit of Shakespeare's play, likely really written by one of them, probably Aziraphale)?

Crowley stays most of the night and goes out the side door before the sun comes up to avoid them getting caught. Those are basically "the rules" of their relationship that Aziraphale refers to in Lockdown, I think. If we go back up to the pictures of the bookshop that the OP was kind enough to provide, we can see that side door on the right-- built in as part of Aziraphale's design in the part of the shop that opens into the alleyway, not on Whickber Street. The bookshop was likely built on an angle just for that purpose. The bookshop's side door is directly opposite Mrs. Sandwich's building and that's probably how she and Crowley became friendly-- they ran into each other in the alley at night. It's a bit of sleight-of-hand from our no-stranger-to-the-art-of-prestidigitation magician. Anyone watching Aziraphale would be looking at the front door of the bookshop and be far less likely to notice Crowley slip out the side door in the dark. No Bentley parked in front of the shop when Crowley's staying past business hours, as well, as what else could scream "totally fucking" more than Crowley's ridiculously recognizable car on the curb in front of the shop at 3am?

Also why/how Crowley was in his car on a side street a fast two minute drive away from the bookshop first thing in the morning in 2.01. The way these two just want to wake up together and have breakfast in peace... 😢

<<It also works with the fire and the reconstitution of the bookshop going with the discorporation and re-constitution via Adam of Aziraphale and the book shop (and the Bentley, that is interesting as Crowley did not die, hmm, further thought perhaps there for me)>>

Yes! That's what I think, too. The Bentley burning is interesting because Crowley's kind of going through a paralleling kind of thing but maybe not quite the same thing. The Bentley goes on fire because Crowley drives it through the ring of fire around the M-25, right? As he's about to, we flashback and see that Crowley influenced the building of the M-25--so, the highway is symbolic of Crowley having made his own mess and him having to get himself out of it. If he didn't, it would have eventually consumed him because he was literally trapped inside it. He's breaking free of his own stuff versus Aziraphale getting kind of accidentally caught in his own web a bit.

The bookshop is Aziraphale's M-25-- it's the "same daily round" that he's stuck in, like the horoscope God read. I'm sure he didn't want it to burn entirely. It is his home and he loves his books and all of his things and wouldn't have wanted to have lost all of them but you know that scene for which they made that concept art but then cut out of the end of 2.02? The one where the bookshop is the only thing that's survived an apocalypse and was supposed to be someone's dream?

Yeah, I bet that was going to be Aziraphale's dream. His nightmare, really. He's seen so many horrors in the whole history of Earth and remained past so much death and his nightmare would be having to see Earth destroyed so the bookshop kind of representing him there in the dream in that way, maybe? But also a nightmare in the sense that Aziraphale feels like he cannot get the hell out of the bookshop. He feels trapped in it because of how it represents how he tries to balance all the different facets of his life. His whole breakdown comes about as a result of basically just being like fuck this, I can't take it anymore-- everyone come on in at once, we're having a party! and then promptly, understandably, having an anxiety attack over exactly that. It's the angel who is going too fast in S2, not the demon.

<<but I also like to believe he doesn't sleep, in my opinion due to trauma, and I can't quite figure that bit out yet. Is it lazy writing or did he exaggerate or have pyjamas for show?>>

I'll agree with you that I don't think that Aziraphale sleeps well a lot of the time. I can definitely see that and for the same trauma-related reasons you mentioned. He has problems sleeping at times-- nightmares, etc.. Like a lot of people, he also likely doesn't sleep or sleep very well when in one of his fasting (actually: depression) periods.

I believe the main thing that causes people to believe that Aziraphale doesn't sleep at all is the bit from the book where he's talking about how he and Crowley don't "need sleep" but... just read it again below and look at how Crowley phrases the last line of his reply:

Aziraphale didn’t rise to it. “What are we going to do now?”

“Try and get some sleep.”

“You don’t need sleep. I don’t need sleep. Evil never sleeps, and Virtue is ever-vigilant.”

“Evil in general, maybe. This specific part of it has got into the habit of getting its head down occasionally.”

I can practically hear Aziraphale's flirty/teasing tone here and the idea that that is what's happening is reinforced by the last line of Crowley's reply above. It's more common in most places, even if it sometimes happens in Britain, to say "laying your head down" to refer to sleep, as opposed to saying "getting [your] head down." If you lay your head down, you're going to sleep. If you get your head down, you're simply moving your head down to a lower position... do you see where I'm going with this? 😂

Now, add into it that he also uses in the sentence the word habit, which isn't just something one does consistently but the head covering of a nun... and now take a little trip around things like how we say that people who are lovers are "sleeping together" and sleep being phrased as to "rest your head" while still also the head being not just the place where the brain is stored but the tip of the penis and getting that "down" would be to satisfy an erection and "to get/give head" being slang for oral sex and we're circling what the sleep paragraph in the book is really more about than just actual sleep.

Crowley does sleep but he's referring more to the fact that he's "gotten in the habit" of "getting his head down"-- aka going down on Aziraphale. That's the kind of rest he's suggesting they have, beyond some actual shut-eye-- probably a bit of both.

Crowley also uses the word occasionally here-- a word that comes from the Latin cadere, which means... to fall. If you were a pair of wordplay-happy supernatural entities who ushered in the so-called Fall of Man together-- and one of you is a fallen angel and the other is called Mr. Fell and you both fell in love with one another a long time ago-- you'd absolutely love flirting using words that link to the verb meaning to fall as euphemistic for making love, particularly for falling/going down on one another.

As such, when Crowley uses occasionally in this part of the book, it doesn't mean 'every once in a while' so much as it means 'as the occasion calls for it' and there's plenty of reason to assume that it there are plenty of occasions...

This word is also in the series. It's in Aziraphale's innuendo-laden, verbally italicized use of "special occasions" in 1.01:

Around the 14th and 15th centuries, special actually meant a person's lover or romantic partner. It's really only sort-of survived into today in use of the phrase "special someone" and that is slightly different than calling someone your "special", the way it was apparently done in those earlier centuries. A "special occasion", in Ineffable Husbands Speak, would definitely be a reason to celebrate outside of the usual ones, yes, but it also appears to be going down on your sweetheart, which is what Aziraphale is expressing interesting in doing in that 1.01 scene.

Here's where we can just say now after S2 that the above "special occasions" scene is even funnier because Aziraphale isn't telling Crowley anything about the wine that he doesn't already know, as he and Aziraphale were drinking from that stash of Chateauneuf-de-Pape back in 1941, Part 2. Aziraphale was likely bringing it up in that 1.01 moment, in part, so he can say the words around it. How many cases did Aziraphale pick up for his "occasions" with his special? A "sleep"-relevant number: a dozen. 😂 That joke has apparently grown on him since when Crowley made it in 1601...

This also all gets even funnier when you add in the other, descriptive passage about Crowley and sleep from the book, which has lines like: Crowley likes sleep, it was one of the pleasures of the world. True of both sleep and sex and the rest of the paragraph talks about sleep but using sentences the word choice for which makes them alternately appear to be about sleep and sex or worded in such a way as to be applicable both at once, all reinforcing the idea of sleep having an euphemistic layer to it.

Aziraphale's response to Crowley's suggestion that they "try to get some sleep" in the book is often taken really literally, I think, when the tone is actually kind of light and flirty. It's basically the same tone as this, similar scene from the series:

In the book, it's more clever use of puns. Virtue-- Aziraphale, here-- is a word that just originally a human man and "manliness" and then came to mean good moral character. Virtue, says Aziraphale with tongue-in-cheek, is "ever-vigilant." Vigilant means-- literally-- to be awake. Virtue is a word used in religious circles with a nod towards chastity and "purity"-- the opposite of "sin", like that of Adam and Eve-- so Aziraphale seems to be dryly saying that, as an angel, he's supposed to be Virtue itself-- the epitome of virtuosity-- but he's more of the word's original definition of a human man... one who might supposed to be "ever-vigilant"-- always awake, so, euphemistically, never getting any wink wink sleep-- but they both know that's not true because, as we've learned, Crowley's gotten in the habit of getting his head down on frequent occasions.

Adding to the Adam and Eve/Fall of Man & "occasionally" meaning to fall theme is that they're prompted by Aziraphale using the idiom "evil never sleeps" as a joke about Crowley-- referencing Eve in there. Evil sounding phonetically like "Eve-il". Another, similar joke in which they are paralleling themselves to Adam & Eve is them going off to have lunch (and "lunch") at the end of 1.06, with Crowley referring to them going to have food and sex together by saying: "Time to leave The Garden. Let me tempt you to a spot of lunch?"

So, anyway, the bit of the book that people use to justify the idea that Aziraphale doesn't sleep isn't really saying that he doesn't, imho, and there's nothing in the tv series that suggests that, either. Sleep-- and I'm just talking about sleep now here lol-- is obviously restorative and it can be peaceful. Technically, Aziraphale is correct that they don't "need" it. They could, theoretically, probably survive for all of eternity without ever sleeping a wink, etc.... but that's what they'd be doing-- just surviving. There's a big difference between living and just not dying. Being able to subsist without having something is not the same thing as not needing it.

What I think Crowley and Aziraphale have discovered in living on Earth for all this time is that their their human bodies like and need what other a lot of human bodies like and/or need. Even if they can, technically, survive without these things, they also realize that doing so is not actually healthy or pleasurable or really living. If they didn't have the capacity to need and enjoy living like humans, they wouldn't have human bodies. The things that exist for the humans and are necessary for them exist for them, too. Their bodies work better and they feel better when they breathe and eat and sleep and talk with one another. They need nature and art and companionship the same way that the humans do. Like some humans do, they both enjoy sex and feel romantic love. They could, technically, remain alive without all of these things but being alive is not the same thing as living.

Aziraphale knows that he needs to eat to feel healthy-- that food can affect how his mind and body feel and perform-- as much as he just enjoys eating. I think sleep might be the same thing for him. He struggles with it a lot in ways similar to any person who has been through traumatic events and has related mental health issues but I think he does try to sleep. I honestly cannot imagine being completely awake for over six millennia without a break from the world. Aziraphale is also an introvert so I think he might find the idea of taking a rest from people for awhile extra-appealing, even if he might have felt guilty about wanting to sometimes. I think he probably didn't sleep for the first couple of thousand years, though-- if he hadn't tried food until 2500 B.C., it's probably likely that he hadn't allowed himself to try to sleep prior to that either. He might have needed Crowley to show him how or at least help him give himself permission to try it at some point.

Aziraphale also likes to eat and drink and fuck and there's a certain threshold of those activities that, when crossed, requires at least a nap lol. There's also maybe just Crowley's sleeping habits as a potential suggestion of Aziraphale's. When Aziraphale comes back from Edinburgh in S2, Crowley tells him that he didn't sleep at all the prior night while Aziraphale was gone.

This is suggestive of what other things, like Lockdown, suggest, which is that Crowley has a human sleep routine, more or less. He can survive without a night's sleep probably better than any of us can but he does feel the effects of it if he doesn't sleep. So, this being who technically doesn't need sleep--or has been told to think such a thing is true, anyway-- knows he really does and goes to bed at night most nights the same way that we do. It's also healthy for him to at least try to do so. He has PTSD and an anxiety disorder-- he needs sleep to manage that, even if sleep is often the first thing to be disturbed by it, which is basically what Crowley says happened while Aziraphale was in Edinburgh. (How much of the reason why Crowley couldn't sleep was Gabriel-related anxiety and how much was Crowley having trouble sleeping without Aziraphale is debatable...)

So, if we go with the idea that Crowley basically lives in the bookshop at night until before dawn and that he has been doing that most nights for awhile now and if we add in that he also canonically sleeps for a bit at night each night, then Crowley goes to bed like a human at some point each night in the bookshop. It seems likely that Aziraphale goes to bed with him. They both would inevitably sleep better with one another nearby.

Aziraphale staying in that bed after Crowley leaves in the early morning, though, is probably another story. I tend to think that he struggles with the bed if Crowley's not there and will get up after he's gone and have tea or go to Give Me Coffee or do basically anything to try to distract himself from the misery of his Crowley-free mornings.

I'm sure what had him reject Crowley hunkering down during the lockdowns was just that he didn't think he could handle having Crowley there in the mornings, only to have to go back to him leaving after the lockdowns were over. I'm still not totally sure that they didn't actually wind up maybe doing that anyway-- at minimum, I think Crowley apparated over after the phone call, but I don't know that he stayed-- but, either way, this is why they just need to get to the South Downs Cottage, dammit.

Speaking of the bookshop, theories on what could be upstairs?

ooooo the BIG QUESTION.

so we can see a bit of the second floor in all these pics:

basically all we know for sure is there are A LOT MORE BOOKS, both stacked around the railing and on the circle of shelves. neil has decided not to comment on what else might be there (YET 👀) but he’s confirmed that much.

apart from that, we can see from the outside that there are six windows on the second floor:

i’m going to assume they’re part of the shop because they’re Very On Fire when the rest of the shop is on fire. SO. taking all that into account, you end up with something like this:

where the thin grey circle is the railing and the brown one is the bookshelves (as you can see in the first pic, it doesn’t circle all the way around!)

the rest is a complete mystery. i mean i’m sure the actual set was empty because they didn’t need to fill it, but in theory there’s room for some interesting stuff! with the first floor for scale i can imagine a whole flat built around that circle of shelves — a bed aziraphale never sleeps in, comfy chairs, every other angel knick-knack he’s encountered in his life. in my personal headcanon it’s all books and hoarded items covered in dust, which he leaves for authenticity.

thank you for asking!! i’d love to hear other people’s thoughts if they want to share :)

[dixons-sunshine]

Crushes Are For School Girls | Quarters Of The Undead

Summary: Crushes—the innocent little glances. The blushing. The butterflies. We all get them. For Georgianna, it was much more than that. The crush in question had those same butterflies, though, stealing the same innocent glances. And everyone seemed to notice…except for her.

Era: Quarry.

Warnings: Swearing, allusions to sex, one sexual comment (from Merle).

Word count: 4k.

Pairings: Georgie x Daryl (unestablished); Vec x Scud (established)

A/N: Thank you, @thevegandarkelf, for helping me with the summary. You’re amazing. Anyways, I hope y’all like this!

“Why am I like this?”

“You have a crush, Ginny. It’s natural to feel this way.”

“Yeah, well crushes suck. Crushes are for school girls, not for women of my grown ass age.”

Vec chuckled as she gingerly rubbed Georgianna’s back, the woman in question being face planted into her pillow on her sleeping bag. “There, there, Gin. It’s okay. You’ll survive this.”

Despite the reassurance, Georgianna still groaned into the pillow, feeling utterly stupid about the turmoil of emotions whirring around in her being. However, the most prominent feeling was the one in her stomach, one which could only be described as butterflies. Butterflies because of something so simple. Butterflies because her hair got tucked behind her ear. Butterflies because of the man that wielded a crossbow and had become the starring attraction in her nightly dreams.

A man named Daryl Dixon.

Georgianna did not even fully understand how she had started spending time with the archer in the first place. Her tent—that she shared with both her best friend, Vec, and Vec’s boyfriend, Scud—had been set up on the outskirts of the camp, right next to those of the Dixon brothers’, so it was only natural that they would have had to converse with one another.

However, the friendship that had bloomed—and surprisingly, rather quickly, too—between Georgianna and Daryl was something completely unexpected. And the crush that Georgianna harboured on the man was also, completely, one hundred percent unexpected—to her more than anyone.

And now Vec—and sometimes Scud—had to put up with her yammering on about Daryl, and she felt rather guilty about it, because she was talking about him a lot.

The sound of the tent flap opening caught both Georgianna and Vec’s attention. Vec stood up from the ground and Georgianna rolled over and sat back up, Georgianna sent a nod in Scud’s direction, which instantly confused the man.

“Woah, what’s up with you?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Where’s the eye roll? The scoff? The ‘oh great, it’s you’? Where’s the Marianne I know and don’t love?”

Vec laughed lightly at that, before shaking her head. “She’s too lovesick to insult you today.”

Georgianna sent a glare in Vec’s direction. “Traitor,” she mouthed to her, only earning a falsely innocent smile in return.

“Ooh, okay,” Scud replied to Vec’s statement, his lips contorting up into a smirk. “So what is it about this time? His arms? His shoulders? His hands? His as—”

“Okay!” Georgianna cut him off, rolling her eyes at the laughter that tumbled out of his mouth, before shifting her attention back to Vec. “I don’t talk about him that much, do I?”

Vec hummed and shook her head. “No. Nope, not really. You pretty much talk about him the same amount I did back when I first started dating Josh.”

“Jesus, I’m that bad?” Georgianna whispered to herself, mildly horrified at that admission. “Fucking hell, I need to be put down.”

“You talked about me a lot?” Scud mused in a sickeningly lovestruck tone of voice, coming up to stand next to Vec, his eyes sparkling as he looked at her.

Vec rolled her eyes and lightly shoved him, not enough to do any damage. “Don’t let it go to your head,” she told him, trying to calm the heat that formed in her cheeks.

“Never,” Scud chuckled. He wrapped his arm around Vec’s shoulders and pulled her into him, before pressing a kiss to her temple. “You’re so cute when you blush, y’know that?”

“Yeah? Well—”

“If you two wanna get down and dirty tonight, just let me know so that I can move my sleeping bag to someone else’s tent,” Georgianna chimed in, drawing the couple’s attention back to reality.

Scud rolled his eyes, but made no effort to remove his arm from its position around Vec. “Who would you even stay with? I thought Vec was your only friend.”

“Very funny,” Georgianna replied in a monotone voice.

“I know who would willingly offer to let her stay with them,” Vec voiced, a small, teasing smirk on her face. “I’ll give you a tip. Their name rhymes with ‘Meryl’.”

“Wow, you’re super subtle about that,” Georgianna scoffed, pushing herself up from her sleeping bag. She grabbed her pencil and sketchbook from her bag, before sending Vec a small smile. “I can offer up an hour of me being away from the tent. I’m gonna be out by the main campfire. Just stay away from my sleeping bag. I would highly prefer not to sleep next to Scud’s jizz stains tonight, thank you very much.”

The blush that coated Vec’s cheeks was bright enough to make tomatoes jealous. However, she simply nodded at her. “Thanks.”

Whether something would happen between her and Scud in that one hour, she did not know. What she did know, however, was that the younger Dixon brother was fixing up his crossbow by the campfire, with nobody else around for the time being, meaning that Georgianna and Daryl would be completely alone… It was the perfect set up.

Closing the tent flap behind her, Georgianna let out a small sigh, before making good on her words and trudging forward towards the campfire. The Hawkins woman was surprised by the lack of chatter that night. Usually, most of the adults in the camp would talk away until they absolutely had to go back to their tents. Those late night talks was something unofficially instituted to attempt to regain some semblance of normalcy in a crazy world run by the undead. However, that night, there was absolutely nobody around. It seemed like everyone had decided to turn in early that night. Well, everyone except a certain blue-eyed archer.

Georgianna did not even notice Daryl until she was standing a mere few feet away from him. Admittedly, she was so deep in thought that, had he not cleared his throat, she probably would have gone and sat right on his lap, completely unaware that the seat was otherwise occupied.

Georgianna’s eyes widened in surprise, before she schooled her expression to one of nonchalance, a friendly smile on her face. “Daryl, hi.”

The archer nudged his nose up in a half nod. “Hey, Georgie.”

The way he said her name, the gruffness that laced his tone, but mixed with a softness that was reserved purely for her—at least, if she chose to believe what Vec told her—had her weak in the knees. However, she forced herself to remain upright, refusing to make a complete fool of herself in front of the man she so desperately wished she did not have a crush on.

“Uh, mind if I sit?” she asked softly, motioning over to the chair next to him.

Daryl shrugged. “Go ahead.”

Georgianna nodded and sat down in the seat. Although this was not the first time that she had spent time with the archer, this time around, it just felt… different. She could not fully explain it.

Daryl shifted his attention back to his crossbow, fiddling with the strings as Georgianna opted to occupy her mind with her drawing. Free time became a luxury, and she truly treasured just being able to sit down and draw. She used to be able to sketch whenever, but with the world in shambles, she found herself lucky if she were able to even glance at her sketchbook once a week.

As she went about drawing, her legs curled up beneath her on the chair, Daryl took the opportunity to steal glances at her. In his mind, she truly looked ethereal in that moment. Her hair was tied up into a loose ponytail, but a few stray pieces of hair fell in wispy, curly strands in her face, acting as a curtain between her and the real world. Her brown, chocolate eyes were lightened by the glow of the campfire, giving them a more amber-like tone, and her cheeks were slightly pink, a colour that Daryl thought suited her.

God, she is gorgeous, Daryl thought to himself.

Daryl did not know exactly when he started developing feelings for the woman next to him, but he did know that his feelings were completely justified. She was damn near perfect in his eyes. She was so kind, so nice, and so goddamn considerate. She could be such a chatterbox, but whenever it came to him, she did not talk his ear off. It was like she could read his cues like the back of her hand, and she knew exactly when to back off and give him his space.

She was such a genuine person, and he could not help but feel drawn to her. Despite many attempts to put some distance between them, to withdraw himself from her until she got the hint, he just could not help it. He kept going back. She made him feel like less of a piece of garbage. She actually treated him like a human being, which is more than could be said for ninety nine percent of the other members of the group.

Realizing that he was staring at her for a beat too long, he ducked his head, instead focusing back on his crossbow. He just thanked whatever god was out there that she was too occupied with her drawing to realize his slip up.

“So,” Daryl began, surprisingly being the first one to strike up a conversation, “how long have ya been doin’ that? Drawin’, I mean.”

Georgianna looked up at him, a bright smile on her face, one that had his stomach doing somersaults. “Not long, actually. I didn’t pick up the hobby until I was twenty-five. One of my students told me once that they bet I couldn’t recreate the Mona Lisa, and I proved them wrong.”

“I bet it looked great,” Daryl replied, placing his crossbow down on the ground next to him.

“Oh, no. It looked like dog shit,” Georgianna laughed, glancing between her drawing and the man next to her. “But it was a fun challenge. It made me realize that I wanted to be able to do that, you know? Create pictures from my mind alone. So I bought myself a bunch of supplies and every nigh, before bed, I’d draw anything and everything just to get some practice in. My TV, my coffee mug, my stuffed rabbit—”

“You had a stuffed rabbit? At twenty-five?” Daryl mused, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. That little piece of information was actually rather adorable.

Georgianna rolled her eyes with a smile. “Yes, I did. It was a gift from my dad when I turned nine. He…” she trailed off, her smile dimming at the thought of that awful time in her life. “He bought it for me as a way to help me cope with what happened with my—my mother.”

Daryl frowned slightly at the clear shift in the mood. The small, curious part of him wanted to ask what she was talking about, about what had happened with her mother, but the other, more logical side of him told him not to. She never pressed him for answers on anything he revealed of his life before, so he would respect that kindness she had showed him by reciprocating the sentiment.

“Yeah, I get that. The thing holds sentimental value or some bullshit like that, right?” Daryl said, attempting to lighten the mood.

Georgianna smiled and nodded. “Yeah. Some bullshit like that.” She sighed and leaned back in her chair, closing her sketchbook and letting it rest on her lap. “I wish I could have grabbed it before we left the city. It’s the one thing that can’t be replaced for me.”

Daryl hummed in acknowledgement. Not really knowing how to go about the situation, and clearly sensing that Georgianna needed a pick-me-up, he opted to change the topic. “What were ya drawin’?”

“The landscape,” Georgianna replied, motioning over to the treeline just beyond the array of tents. “The scenery is beautiful. I could get into what exactly I find beautiful, but something tells me that you’re not really into the whole “nature is a wonder” thing.”

“You’d be right ‘bout that,” Daryl chuckled. He looked back over to Georgianna, right in time to see her pull up the sleeves of her shirt, revealing something he had somehow never noticed until that point. “You have a tattoo?”

“Oh! Yes, I do,” she confirmed, twisting her body slightly to extend her arm and show him the picture permanently ingrained in her skin. “It’s a bunny tattoo.”

“From what ya told me jus’ a few moments ago, it seems pretty fittin’,” Daryl told her, leaning back in his chair. “When did ya get that?”

“About two years ago,” Georgianna replied after a moment of thinking. “I’ve always wanted to get a tattoo of an animal, and what better one to get than the one that holds the most sentimental value to me, right?”

“Right,” Daryl agreed with a light hum. “Ya really seem to like rabbits. So how much do ya cry when I bring dead ones back from my hunts?”

That made Georgianna laugh. The sound was like music to the archer’s ears, and Daryl felt a sense of pride knowing that he was the one that had caused it. It made him feel good about himself.

“Yes, I like rabbits, but I don’t cry when you bring dead ones back. I know that it’s vital for our survival. Their meat feeds us, but most importantly, they feed the kids. Carl, Sophia… The rabbits’ meat ensure that the kiddos don’t go to bed hungry. To me, that means that their sacrifices don’t go in vain.”

“That’s a nice way’a thinkin’ ‘bout it,” Daryl told her.

“Yeah.” She leaned back in her own chair, her chocolate eyes sparkling with amusement as she gazed at Daryl. “I guess rabbits just really mean a lot to me. As a kid, my dad would take me and my brother out camping, and he’d always take us to this place in the woods where the rabbits were just about everywhere. They did not fear humans at all. I even woke up and found a baby bunny sleeping on my legs once. It was the cutest thing ever.”

“So ya really like rabbits.” It was more of a statement than a question, but he got an answer anyway.

“I do. They bring a sense of joy to me. They remind me of some of the happiest times in my life. I know, it’s weird.”

Daryl shook his head. “Nah, ain’t nothin’ weird ‘bout that. It brings ya comfort. Nothin’ wrong with that.”

Georgianna smiled at him, a soft, genuine one. “Thank you,” she thanked him softly.

“’Course.”

The silence that fell between them was not one of discomfort. That was one thing that Daryl appreciated about the woman; the ability to sit with her in complete silence, and not have it be awkward. She knew exactly when to initiate a conversation with him, she knew exactly when Daryl preferred to sit in relative silence, and she knew exactly when he wanted to be left alone. That alone had been one of the many things that had drawn him to the woman in the first place, and he deeply appreciated her ability to read his social cues—or, well, lack thereof.

However, the silence did not last long at all. It got interrupted, and if looks could kill, Merle Dixon would be six feet under due to the glare Daryl was throwing his way.

“Holy shit, would ya look at this?” Merle laughed loudly, stumbling almost drunkenly towards the pair.

Georgianna instantly felt uncomfortable. She was a people person, but there were a select few people that she just could not bring herself to like, no matter how hard she tried; Shane Walsh, Ed Peletier, and Merle Dixon. And now the latter was ruining the serene moment that Daryl and Georgianna was having.

Wonderful, Georgianna thought to herself, pursing her lips together.

“Fuck off, Merle,” Daryl grumbled, shooting his brother a furious look. “M’not in the mood for your bullshit.”

“Now s’that any way to address me in front of this hot piece’a ass, boy? Don’ embarrass me like that, lil’ brother. Not unless you want me to kick your teeth in.”

Georgianna inhaled deeply, held her breath for four seconds, before exhaling again. She was trying really hard not to lash out at the man and his vulgar comments. Despite everything, Georgianna knew how important Merle was to Daryl, and she did not want to risk losing his friendship because she had a fight with his brother, even if said brother was a complete jackass.

“I think I’m gonna call it a night,” Georgianna declared. She picked up her sketchbook and pencil, before getting up. “Good night, guys. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She gently gripped Daryl’s shoulder in greeting, sending him one last smile, before she began stalking back towards her tent. Whether or not Vec and Scud were done doing the devil’s tango, she did not care. She wanted to faceplant into her pillow and throw the towel in for the day.

Daryl watched Georgianna’s retreating figure, his hand gingerly touching where her’s had gripped his shoulder not even ten seconds ago. Unwillingly, a small smile played on his lips, and his heart was galloping in his chest. Her touch felt so nice. Her hand was so soft, so warm. He definitely wanted to feel that again. That thought alone was rather terrifying.

Daryl got snapped from his thoughts by the sound of Merle’s loud, obnoxious voice, and he seriously wanted to punch his brother in that moment. “Jus’ shut up, Merle,” he mumbled, getting up from the chair, picking up his crossbow, and making his way over to his tent.

When Georgianna got back to the tent, she was surprised to find the tent flap already open. When she stepped into the material shelter, she was even more surprised to see Vec sitting upright in her sleeping bag, Scud laying on his back next to her, both pairs of eyes looking at her expectantly.

“So, how’d it go?” Vec asked in a sing-song voice, pushing her glasses up her nose when they slipped off a bit.

Georgianna, choosing to play dumb, frowned at her. “How’d what go?”

Vec scoffed at her. “Babe, please. We’ve been friends since before we could even talk. I know that look. Now spill.”

Georgianna rolled her eyes and sighed over dramatically. “Fine, fine.” She dropped her sketchbook and pencil onto her bag on the floor, kicked her shoes off and dropped down onto her sleeping bag, before sitting up and facing her best friend. “Before you ask, no. Nothing romantic happened. We just talked.”

“You hear that, Vee? They just talked,” Scud chimed in. He pushed himself to sit upright so that he could properly see Georgianna, a smirk on his face. “We,” he began, motioning between him and Vec, “started off just talking, too. Look at us today.”

“Well, Joshua, I’m not Vec, and Daryl most certainly isn’t you, thank god.”

Scud scoffed at that. “Yeah, thank god. Wouldn’t want two completely awesome me’s runnin’ around.”

“Then the camp would descend into complete and utter chaos. Then Deputy Dick would really hate us,” Georgianna quipped, before sighing. “Nothing happened between us, guys. I swear, we just talked. He asked me about my drawing, and then we talked about my love of rabbits. That’s all. Merle cut us off after that.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ!” Vec exclaimed, a groan leaving her. “Fucking idiot. Just had to go and ruin the build up to the first kiss. God, I hate him.”

“Woah, woah, woah. You just skipped a million chapters ahead. Even if he didn’t interrupt, there most definitely would not have been a first kiss.” Georgianna looked down at her hands, a frown tugging at her eyebrows. “I doubt there ever will be a first kiss. I doubt Daryl even likes me like that.”

That made Vec spring into motion. She got up from her sleeping bag—after a bit of protest from Scud, but she quickly shushed him—and plopped herself down next to her best friend. She took Georgianna’s face into her hands and gently forced her chocolate brown eyes to meet her ocean-coloured ones, a serious, no nonsense look in their depths.

“Georgianna Marianne Hawkins, I’m gonna need you to listen to me very closely. I know you didn’t say it outright, but I know what’s whirring around in that pretty head of yours. There is absolutely, positively, one hundred percent, fuck all wrong with you. You’re an ethereal, amazing, goddamn goddess, and he would be lucky to have you. Anyone would be lucky to have you. In fact, I would be surprised if he didn’t want you. I wish you could see what I do. Daryl Dixon is down bad for you.”

“She’s right, y’know,” Scud chipped in. “His eyes follow you when you’re not looking. He thinks he’s being discreet, but the Scudster is amazin’ at pickin’ up stuff like that. That’s a look of enamour if I ever saw one.”

“See?” Vec asked. “He likes likes you, Babe. I promise.”

Georgianna really wanted to believe them. She really did. However, she just couldn’t. The friendship, albeit a relatively new one—barely over two months—she shared with Daryl was just too precious to risk. The crossbow-wielding archer was not particularly known for his openess towards befriending people in the camp. Georgianna had been the only outlier, and if she decided to make a move and it ended up being something he did not want, the friendship could potentially be ruined.

No, she did not want to risk that.

She gingerly removed Vec’s hands from her face, a rather sad smile gracing her features. “Maybe y’all are right. I’ll… I’ll think about it, okay?”

That answer seemed to satisfy Scud, the man in question laying back down, but Vec knew better. She frowned at Georgianna, and lowered her voice to a whisper.

“That didn’t make you feel better, did it?”

Georgianna glanced at Scud, before looking back at Vec. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay? Give you the whole run down on my emotions and shit.”

Vec slowly nodded. “I’m keeping you to that.”

Vec lightly ruffled Georgianna’s hair, laughing lightly when the woman swatted her hand away, before crawling back over to her sleeping bag a few feet away from her best friend’s.

The three inhabitants of the dark blue tent started settling in for the night. Vec cuddled up next to Scud after exchanging one last kiss with him for the night, before taking her glasses off and setting them down on the makeshift table. Scud’s eyes were already closed by the time Vec was completely settled down.

Despite the little fire in the lamp that illuminated the tent being turned off, sleep did not come instantly for Georgianna. Her thoughts were running free in her head. Georgianna hated crushes. On the rare occasions that she got them, she always got them hard. She wished that she had the ability to keep her feelings under control. She wished that she was not so insecure about relationships. She wished that she felt confident enough to make a move and see where everything went from there. And above all else, she wished that she could suppress her growing feelings towards the younger Dixon brother.

As she slowly drifted off into the welcoming depths of slumber, those thoughts drifted from her mind, instead being replaced by a dream her brain had carefully crafted to bring her some release from her inner turmoil. As sleep finally overcame her, Georgianna laid completely still, blissfully unaware of the fact that in the tent closest to theirs, Daryl Dixon was still wide awake, fighting a losing battle against his own steadily growing feelings, his mind being plagued by images of the woman he cared for more than he had wanted to.

Georgie belongs to me.

Vec belongs to @thevegandarkelf.

Quarters Of The Undead Taglist: @holdmytesseract @weirdoneattheparty @ripleyswife @gothic-pumpkin

You can reach out to me or Taylor to be added/removed from the taglist. We’ll let the other one know about it so that both taglists stay one in the same.

©dixons-sunshine and thevegandarkelf 2024. We do not give permission for our works for this AU to be copied, modified, adapted or translated to any other site or platform without evidence of our given consent.

[dinsbeskar]

*HIGH PITCHED DOLPHIN NOISES*

I LOVE THIS!!!! you write him so well, like the manipulation and his true feelings bleed together in a way that we can see, even he can see, but there is ambiguity in them that makes it so delicious to read

But it was not the Queen Regent that made his eyes widen and his heart skip a beat. It was a simple woman standing next to her – (Y/N).

Skip a beat!!! I'm choosing to believe it's a silly lil crush heartbeat skip, and not a "ffs I thought you were dead" heartbeat skip 😂😂

Sauron was defeated. He just had to hug her back because what kind of husband would he be if he pushed her away in a moment like that? 

He just had to!!! God what a trial 😂

“I thought I'd lost you, love…” he muttered to her and she took a step back to take a better look at his scratched cheeks and dry lips as she cupped his face gently.

FUCK THIS WOULD WORK ON ME

I'm so mad like he's deceiving everyone so hard but this would work on me 😂😂

And yet, some part of him, buried deep inside, was somehow glad to see the young woman again; safe and alive.

😏 yes he was!!! YES HE WAS 👏👏👏

“Oi!” (Y/N) shouted at her, visibly upset with Galadriel's words. “I ain't leavin' here! Speak for yerself, Elf. Me an' my husband, we'll stay right here!” She protested and Sauron only watched with a hint of a smirk but he wanted very much to burst into laughter. It was truly priceless to see Galadriel's face being taken aback by Halbrand's wife and her way of being.

I YELLED

Like he's trying to get Galadriel on side but also his "wife" is hilarious and the idea of him being torn between the two is just so delicious

“And how are we meant to pay for it, huh?” Sauron leaned on the wall with his arms crossed, tan muscles flexing under his brand new tunic that had been given to him back in the palace.

:)))))))

Muscles. Flexing.

:)))))))

I have no words, I'm moving on

“It's alright, love, we'll manage. Don't you worry,” Sauron assured her and kissed the palm of her hand as she cracked a smile at him.

Fuck's sake, I love a palm kiss 🙌🙌🙌 and the reassurance??? Like the softness is killing me, he's deceiving her but it's so soft 🤦‍♀️ kill me now

“She's nobody. Just a random woman who showed up and burdened me with her presence,” Sauron answered and (Y/N) seemed to be very pleased with that answer, although it was quite funny to watch because he had just described her.

HAHAHAHAHA I YELLED

"Just some annoying rando" 😂😂😂 "no babe I'm not talking about you"

It was the very first night they were left alone, without anyone being around in the same tent or the same deck. Their own little house in a beautiful realm across the sea. (Y/N) laid on Sauron's chest with a smile and played with the hair on his chest as she brushed it with her fingers and twisted the curls gently.

Oh god this image???? Has me so soft???? So tender????? And the chest hair!!!! Sauron's chest hair reigns supreme again (no I cannot be normal about it)

(Y/N) lifted herself up and leaned in to place a kiss upon his lips – a lingering one that was slowly growing more needy and passionate. Sauron panicked deep inside. He was certainly not signing up for this.

OH MY GOD

Like how far undercover does he go, does he sleep with this random woman, just to keep her on side??? Yes of course, he's committed to the bit, but is it just for the mission??? Bro let yourself enjoy it!!

“What is it, Hal? It's been weeks since we've been close, an' ye're always so eager. Do ye not desire me anymore?” She looked away. “Is it because of that Elf? Has she bewitched ye?”

“Don't be foolish,” Sauron rolled his eyes but it only made her huff and he realised he just had to make love to her on that night.

“Come 'ere,” Sauron pulled her closer and rolled her on her back as he hovered above her and her frown turned into a giggle. 

"Had to make love to her" oh no oh dear what a shame 😂

Something about her laughter at that moment was truly heartwarming. It was innocent, nearly childish, as if she suddenly had no worries and nothing but love for her husband filled her whole body. Sauron froze for a while and just stared at her face as his heart squeezed deep inside his chest. What was that odd feeling he was starting to develop?

I fucking love this 😂😂😂 "what is this?? A feeling??? Absolutely not!!"

He did not want it… He did not…

Shut up, yes you do 😂😂😂

“I am so glad you are here with me, love; that the tides did not take you away from me,” he confessed, trying to convince himself it was only Halbrand trying to woo his wife, nothing else – nothing more.

Yes of course, just keeping up the act, definitely just acting, went from contemplating murder to sleeping with her, totally normal behaviour 😂

“Nothin' could ever keep me from ye, Hal,” she batted her eyelashes at him before he joined their lips together.

HE

He joined their lips together

LOVE THIS 🙌 like yeah sure he's just acting maybe but also he did that!!!

The worst thing was, though, that she would not be so eager to play along to his lie that he was planning to feed Lady Galadriel with. It was interfering with his plans and as his anger grew, he wished (Y/N) to die once more.

Bruh. Bruuuuuuuh

But then she laid her wet eyes upon him again as she sniffled and his heart softened despite his own will.

Ahhh there we go lmfao, man is secretly soft and I love it (soft!sauron is my fave and I don't even care that it's a teeny bit ooc)

“My husband's lands, ye say, Elf?” (Y/N) burst out in laughter. “Please, ye've no idea what ye're speakin' of. That man comes from nothin' an' has nothin'. The only bit of land we had was from me ol' man, an' that's gone now, taken by the Orcs. Even that pendant he's wearin' isn't his. It was Diarmid's.”

RUINING HIS PLANS, ONE BIG MOUTH AT A TIME

Lmfao I died 😂😂😂

If any of the women looked at his eyes now, they would realise he is no mortal man and surely not a good spirit.

Lmfao he's so fucking funny, "don't be suspicious don't be suspicious don't be suspicious"

“Haven't heard of that lad, who's he?” She asked and Sauron clenched his jaw to force the laughter to stay in the back of his throat.

Calling Sauron "that lad" in front of him, absolutely hilarious, comedy gold, I cannot stop laughing

Sauron felt the sudden urge to defend her like she had unwillingly defended him only a moment ago.

Ohhh the train is pulling in, next stop Down Bad Station

Sauron wrapped his hands around the iron bars of his cell as he wanted to call out after her as Halbrand probably would but then he realised… It would only be for the better if she decided to stay here and finally leave him alone to his schemes.

nO we can't have that, like yes absolutely she'd be better off without him for sure, but ummmmm we're in this now for better or worse 😂

Lily, this was absolutely hilarious, i died multiple times, but it was also so sweet and emotional, I love where it's going!!! 💜💜💜

— SOMEPLACE BETTER (II)

PART ONE

PAIRING — Sauron x fem!human!Reader

SUMMARY — Sauron reunites with Halbrand's wife in Númenor where she keeps interfering with his plans and schemes nearly all the time.

AUTHOR’S NOTE — So, obviously, the Reader did not die in the last part and here we are with the part two! 💕 She can't be too easy to get rid of! 🤣 Sauron is a bit ooc here (and surely will be at the end of this fic), so be warned! 🤧

WORD COUNT — 3,630

ENGLISH IS MY SECOND LANGUAGE.

SOMEPLACE BETTER (II)

Sauron certainly considered (Y/N), the wife of Halbrand to be dead now and he did not really bother himself with thinking much of her. Especially now, with Lady Galadriel by his side as if the Valar themselves put her there for him to make sure his plan would work.

When he entered the palace in Númenor barefoot, in ragged clothes and with the Elf by his side, of course they drew attention. Everyone turned around with the beautiful Queen Regent amongst them – he recognised her immediately because there was only one woman inside that room dressed so splendidly and he had overheard the guards earlier mentioning some Queen Regent being present. That stunning woman just had to be her.

But it was not the Queen Regent that made his eyes widen and his heart skip a beat. It was a simple woman standing next to her – (Y/N).

She looked different now. Her hair was brushed and clean as ever and she was wearing a brand new dress, which was simple but probably the fanciest thing she had ever worn either way. It was dark green and her cheeks were painted slightly with a rogue.

Sauron had to admit that in this certain light and when she was not wearing rags, she looked quite… pretty.

“Halbrand, ye bastard! Thought I'd lost ye again!” She exclaimed, making wide eyes and now everyone looked at her as Sauron gritted his teeth.

That woman seemed to be indestructible and she would ruin all of his schemes.

“Your Highness, this here's my husband I've spoken of – the one I lost at sea!” (Y/N) looked at the Queen Regent and the Queen nodded at her with a soft smile.

After that gesture, Halbrand's wife ran up to him but not without giving Galadriel a dirty look on the way.

“I turn me back for but a moment, an' ye've gone an' found yerself a fine Elven lady. Truly, ye're unbelievable!” (Y/N) exclaimed and pushed his chest slightly but not without a loving smile. Then, she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly.

Sauron was defeated. He just had to hug her back because what kind of husband would he be if he pushed her away in a moment like that? 

“I thought I'd lost you, love…” he muttered to her and she took a step back to take a better look at his scratched cheeks and dry lips as she cupped his face gently.

“Me an' a few others, we were the lucky ones. A ship from here found us an' took us in,” (Y/N) explained. “Folks here are so kind, Hal. They looked after us, even gave me new clothes. An' Her Highness herself wanted words with me, to know more about me! Me – simple, foolish (Y/N)!” She shook her head as she seemed to be in awe with everything around her. “Ye were right. A good life awaits us here,” she added and caressed his chest.

“You're neither simple nor foolish to me,” Sauron whispered, reassuringly. He was trying to show softness in his eyes despite his frustration and anger.

And yet, some part of him, buried deep inside, was somehow glad to see the young woman again; safe and alive.

Galadriel kept watching them curiously with the corner of her eye.

“Have you greeted your husband now, (Y/N)?” The Queen Regent asked and (Y/N) turned around to face her as she nodded, nervously. The Queen Regent was not mean or rude but a simple woman like Halbrand's wife was extremely intimidated by her presence anyway.

“Aye, Your Highness,” (Y/N) answered.

“He might want to enlighten us then what an Elf is doing by his side,” Queen Regent laid her scolding eyes on Sauron.

“I'd like to know about that as well, Your Highness,” (Y/N) shot another dirty glance at Galadriel.

“Circumstances arose that–” Sauron started, trying to pose as a simple man who pretended to speak in a more fancy manner to impress the nobles.

“We are companions by chance. Met on the open sea,” Galadriel interrupted him. “Your captain here, delivered us from certain death. All we ask is that Númenor continue his mercy and grant us ship's passage to Middle-earth.”

“Oi!” (Y/N) shouted at her, visibly upset with Galadriel's words. “I ain't leavin' here! Speak for yerself, Elf. Me an' my husband, we'll stay right here!” She protested and Sauron only watched with a hint of a smirk but he wanted very much to burst into laughter. It was truly priceless to see Galadriel's face being taken aback by Halbrand's wife and her way of being. “I've settled matters with the good Queen already!” (Y/N) added. “She's promised me a place to live,” she looked at her husband to let him know, too.

“That sounds generous and reasonable,” he nodded and Galadriel shot him a deadly glance.

Sauron and (Y/N) were taken to their new place by the guards – a poor house located in the city centre near the taverns and the harbour. Sauron could immediately see that the house had belonged to simple commoners before but the standards were still more than enough for (Y/N). She was in awe as she looked around and her eyes sparkled at the sight.

“This place is truly a paradise,” she told him with a grin.

“And how are we meant to pay for it, huh?” Sauron leaned on the wall with his arms crossed, tan muscles flexing under his brand new tunic that had been given to him back in the palace.

“The good Queen's promised it'll be free of charge for half a year,” (Y/N) informed him. “I'm sure ye can find work by then, Hal. In a city like this, they must have need of plenty of smiths!” She approached him cheerfully and threw her hands around his neck before leaning in to peck his lips. “Are ye not happy, love?” She asked.

Sauron couldn't stop thinking of Lady Galadriel, though. Would she try to find him now and convince him to come back to Middle-earth as the King of The Southlands? He certainly hoped so.

And he hoped that Halbrand's wife would not ruin his plans either. Therefore, he had to be nice to her now, so she would lie for him later when he'd ask her to.

“I am,” he nodded and fixed a reckless hair strand on her head. “I'll ask around for work. And what about you?”

At his words, (Y/N) looked down nervously and Sauron raised an eyebrow at her.

“I fear I won't be of much use here, love,” she admitted, truly ashamed, which he could see in her glistening eyes when she glanced up. “I don't reckon they've need for a simple woman like me 'round here. But I'll try, I promise, Hal. I'll do me best to find work. I won't leave ye to it alone,” she cupped his face and sniffed her tears back.

“It's alright, love, we'll manage. Don't you worry,” Sauron assured her and kissed the palm of her hand as she cracked a smile at him.

They stood in silence like that for a short moment, which was quite lovely until (Y/N) decided to break the blissful peacefulness again because she simply could not be silent for too long.

“An' what's the business with that she-Elf, then?” She asked and Sauron sighed.

“She's nobody. Just a random woman who showed up and burdened me with her presence,” Sauron answered and (Y/N) seemed to be very pleased with that answer, although it was quite funny to watch because he had just described her.

It was the very first night they were left alone, without anyone being around in the same tent or the same deck. Their own little house in a beautiful realm across the sea. (Y/N) laid on Sauron's chest with a smile and played with the hair on his chest as she brushed it with her fingers and twisted the curls gently.

“Hal,” she looked up and he glanced down at her, lazily. “My love, can ye promise me ye'll stay away from the taverns? Or at least be reasonable with it? This is meant to be a new life for us. A fresh start, ye said yerself. When the good Queen asked me about ye, I only spoke well of ye. I wanted ye to begin here with no bad reputation, an' please, let's keep it that way,” she pleaded.

“I promise,” Sauron whispered and brushed her cheek with his fingertip. It was so easy to give false promises. Nearly too easy. 

And she wanted to believe him, desperately.

(Y/N) lifted herself up and leaned in to place a kiss upon his lips – a lingering one that was slowly growing more needy and passionate. Sauron panicked deep inside. He was certainly not signing up for this.

Halbrand's wife could sense his sudden nervousness and she moved away, feeling embarrassed.

“What is it, Hal? It's been weeks since we've been close, an' ye're always so eager. Do ye not desire me anymore?” She looked away. “Is it because of that Elf? Has she bewitched ye?”

“Don't be foolish,” Sauron rolled his eyes but it only made her huff and he realised he just had to make love to her on that night.

Not that desires of the flesh were foreign to him but it had been centuries when he had a proper body for the last time. He was still not fully used to his new form and she was… Far from his usual type.

Although in the dim light of a candle that danced upon the wall of their new home, with her skin and hair clean as ever and a pretty new nightgown in a cream colour, he surely felt some attraction to Halbrand's wife and he could even understand the man for marrying her despite her big mouth and other annoying qualities.

Her devotion to him was undoubted, though.

“Come 'ere,” Sauron pulled her closer and rolled her on her back as he hovered above her and her frown turned into a giggle. 

Something about her laughter at that moment was truly heartwarming. It was innocent, nearly childish, as if she suddenly had no worries and nothing but love for her husband filled her whole body. Sauron froze for a while and just stared at her face as his heart squeezed deep inside his chest. What was that odd feeling he was starting to develop?

He did not want it… He did not…

“I am so glad you are here with me, love; that the tides did not take you away from me,” he confessed, trying to convince himself it was only Halbrand trying to woo his wife, nothing else – nothing more.

“Nothin' could ever keep me from ye, Hal,” she batted her eyelashes at him before he joined their lips together.

Sauron was leaning on the wall inside the jail cell he was kept inside and when he heard the steps approaching him, he could sense (Y/N) rushing to him as he smirked to himself.

“What happened?!” She ran up to the bars and wrapped her hands around the iron. “Hal…!” She sighed at the sight of his freshly bruised face when he turned around. “Ye promised me... an' here I am, after bein' told me husband's in prison for startin' a pub fight!”

“I was trying to find work but learned that you need to earn a guild crest to forge steel here, so I figured I'd find friends instead,” Sauron stood up and shrugged his arms as he approached the bars, too. “And it wasn't a pub fight, it was a street fight.”

(Y/N) shook her head as she chuckled lovingly although her eyes remained scolding.

“Ye'll never change, love,” she said. “How fares the friend hunting?” She asked teasingly and Sauron rolled his eyes.

“How fares the work hunting?” Sauron asked, playfully, expecting her to admit her own failure but she surprised him instead.

“I got meself a job, Hal, actually. Nothin' grand, but it's enough for me,” she cracked a smile.

“What is it?”

“I'm gonna help the ladies sellin' their goods at the market by the harbour. It's close to home an' all that. They couldn't give me a proper stand, since I can't read nor write, but I'll help. An' one of the ladies was kind enough to offer to teach me the letters!” (Y/N) shared the news, excitedly.

“I'm proud of you, love,” Sauron leaned in and wrapped his hands around hers. She gave him a big, loving smile.

“Ye're gonna get that guild crest, Hal. I believe in ye,” she assured him.

“I already did but they took it back,” he rolled his eyes and she sighed.

“Ye stole it?” The muscles of her jaw clenched. “It was supposed to be a fresh start! Ye can't be walkin' around doin' that! What's next? Ye gonna ask me to help ye steal again? Expect me to lie to cover yer mischief? I'm done with that, Halbrand!” Her eyes welled with tears as she took a step back from the bars and shook her head.

Sauron was taken aback by her words. He had no idea of this sort of history between Halbrand and his wife. She was even more hurt by him than he had been expecting and their marriage was even more complicated. 

The worst thing was, though, that she would not be so eager to play along to his lie that he was planning to feed Lady Galadriel with. It was interfering with his plans and as his anger grew, he wished (Y/N) to die once more.

But then she laid her wet eyes upon him again as she sniffled and his heart softened despite his own will.

“I know how much you want this whole thing to work out. I want that, too. I didn't want to disappoint you by coming back home and telling you I didn't get anything,” Sauron confessed.

“Ye disappointed me by endin' up here,” Halbrand's wife insisted.

And while he was thinking of another reply, they were interrupted by Lady Galadriel walking inside the prison as well. Sauron couldn't help a satisfied smirk forming on his face. She took his bait.

“Halbrand,” she addressed him as she stood next to his wife but keeping her distance from the both of them.

She looked ethereal in her long golden hair and that pretty blue dress as she radiated nothing but pure light. It made Halbrand's wife visibly uneasy to stand next to her as she fixed her hair in a nervous manner and glanced at the Elf with pure jealousy in her eyes.

“What're ye doin' here?” She nearly barked at Galadriel and Sauron chuckled.

“Your husband does not belong on this island,” Lady Galadriel decided to ignore the woman's behaviour as she gently informed.

“An' who are ye to say where my husband belongs or not? I'm his wife, I've known him a lifetime. You've known him two days,” (Y/N) furrowed her brows.

“Then you surely do realise that Halbrand here is more than he claims,” Galadriel lifted her chin up and (Y/N) looked at her as if the Elf was crazy. “I found this in the Hall of Lore,” Galadriel handed her a scroll of paper.

(Y/N) took it but her hand trembled slightly as she did so and Sauron knew why – she was ashamed to admit she could not read in case it was some document.

But it was not. It was a drawing of the same heraldry as Sauron was wearing on his pendant stolen from Diarmid. He kept glancing at it and watching (Y/N)'s face carefully. He hadn't told her yet about his plan because he hadn't expected Galadriel to work so fast. Would Halbrand's wife play along, though?

Surely, a woman so simple and low would want to be the Queen of The Southlands, would she not?

“What's this?” She asked. “Why're ye showin' it to me?” She handed the scroll back to Galadriel and the confused Elf pointed at Sauron's pendant.

“Is it not the same heraldry your husband is wearing?” Galadriel inquired. “Many ages ago, a man bearing that mark united the scattered tribes of The Southlands under one banner. The very banner that might unite them again today against the evil that now seeks to claim their lands,” she tilted her head with a smile and Sauron's heart skipped a beat because it was all working out so perfect but… Halbrand's wife did not seem to be convinced. “Your husband's lands,” Galadriel added.

“My husband's lands, ye say, Elf?” (Y/N) burst out in laughter. “Please, ye've no idea what ye're speakin' of. That man comes from nothin' an' has nothin'. The only bit of land we had was from me ol' man, an' that's gone now, taken by the Orcs. Even that pendant he's wearin' isn't his. It was Diarmid's.”

“Diarmid's?” Galadriel furrowed her brows as Sauron gritted his teeth.

“An old man from a village nearby. We travelled with him an' became friends. My husband's always had a taste for shiny, pretty things, so I reckon he took it off the body of that poor man from that shipwreck,” (Y/N) gave Sauron a scolding look and he looked away because his eyes were growing dark out of anger and frustration.

If any of the women looked at his eyes now, they would realise he is no mortal man and surely not a good spirit.

“Even if that heraldry is not his…” Galadriel sighed, defeated. However, Sauron could hear desperation in her voice.

Such a sweet obsession to make sure her own scheme would work out – he knew that feeling. And he was glad because it meant that she would help him still despite the odds.

“Even if that heraldry is not his,” she repeated, “how many people do know the truth? I might know him for two days, (Y/N), but I can see him for who he is and he is way more than a ragged commoner. He risked his own life to save mine–”

“Ye did?!” (Y/N) gasped as she laid her eyes on her husband but Sauron looked up to avoid her gaze.

“The Southlands need to be united against evil,” Galadriel insisted.

“Ye wish to deceive folk an' set a crown on a commoner's head, all to fight the Orcs?” (Y/N) was surprised to hear such words. “An' they say the Elves are so noble…”

“Not just the Orcs,” Galadriel answered harshly, slowly losing patience with Halbrand's wife. “There is an evil much darker and much worse hiding in the shadows.”

“Like what, then?” (Y/N) asked with an innocence that nearly made Sauron laugh.

“Sauron,” Lady Galadriel spoke his name and he felt a shiver going down his spine. With a corner of his eye, he observed his wife but she did not seem to be startled or even moved.

“Haven't heard of that lad, who's he?” She asked and Sauron clenched his jaw to force the laughter to stay in the back of his throat.

“The Dark Lord!” Galadriel's eyes widened. “Morgoth's loyal follower. Have you heard of Morgoth?”

“Aye, I have,” (Y/N) admitted with a shrug, “but 'twas a long time ago, wasn't it?”

“Such great evil is beyond mortality,” Galadriel tried to explain. “I have reasons to believe that Sauron is not truly dead.”

“And why should I care about that?” (Y/N) was confused. “I don't even know him, an' it's not like he's ever hurt me or me family.”

“He hurt many others!” Galadriel protested.

“A long time ago,” (Y/N) rolled her eyes.

“I am no longer wondering why people of The Southlands followed Morgoth. You are such ignorant and vile creatures!” Galadriel spat out. Her sudden anger and cruel words made (Y/N) take a slight step back as she looked down, feeling humiliated.

Sauron felt the sudden urge to defend her like she had unwillingly defended him only a moment ago.

“Not very noble of you, Elf, to say such things,” he pointed out. “You should know better than anyone that it is not on us how we perceive those things. Your kin rewarded a few tribes with your gifts and punished others. Their descendants are still paying the price for the sins of the past. We are not used to worrying about the Dark Lords or the shadows when we simply have nothing to put onto our plates.”

Galadriel blushed slightly at his words and she looked at (Y/N) with remorse but Halbrand's wife kept her glistening eyes on him only, grateful for defending her. 

“Come with me to Middle-earth,” Galadriel started to convince once more, “and together we will redeem both our bloodlines.”

“How?” Sauron asked her. “You're stuck on this island and you're still short an army.”

“That is all about to change,” Galadriel convinced him and then smiled at him before turning her head around to smile at Halbrand's wife, too.

And then she walked away to leave them alone again but Sauron could feel the switch of the atmosphere.

“Ye can't be serious, Hal,” (Y/N) whispered. “We were supposed to start a new life here, start a family. I don't want to go back to Middle-earth. I don't want to pretend to be someone I'm not. If that's the path ye choose, I cannot follow ye…” Her lower lip trembled as she gathered her skirts and hurried out of the prison with tears pricking her eyes.

Sauron wrapped his hands around the iron bars of his cell as he wanted to call out after her as Halbrand probably would but then he realised… It would only be for the better if she decided to stay here and finally leave him alone to his schemes.

MASTERLIST

[evansbuck-ley]

yk what i have been thinking about? the bucktommy beginning was sm about tommy teaching and showing buck new things. and it felt so romantic and hot. but now 8x06 has recontexualized everything in a bad way. 😩

it seems like they never had any casual talks about buck's newly discovered queerness. just, yk, hey, how are you feeling two months into this relationship? do you still have moments where you worry what others might think? buck put a rainbow emoji in his public instagram account during pride, has queer friends, and... he apparently did nothing with his personal queer revelations?

they apparently also never talked about exes and what they did in their lives before meeting and how they want their lives to look like in their future and their personal boundaries and and and... like, you ask those big questions (family plans, financial situation, hobbies, job situation, etc.) in the dating phase, which is before you actually commit to a person in an exclusive monogamous way! why invest in a relationship when you don't even ask if the other is looking for something long-term lol?

the fact that 8x06 also confirmed that they spend a lot of time together just makes things worse because 1.) what the fuck have you been doing all this time then, both individually and together, and 2.) then it makes even less sense for buck to ask tommy to move in or for tommy to break up immediately or for both wanting to reach out because how did they even reach the 6 month mark without talking? without learning anything of importance about each other and themselves?

it makes canon bucktommy look like every other shallow short-term fling that buck had so far. could have simply been fuck buddies and they would have had the same level of knowledge about each other after 6 months. just hate how this one episode retrospectively fucked over canon bucktommy in so many different ways ☹️

8x06 is straight up trash. fact.

if they had always planned for them to break up they could have done it SO much better and not leave a bad taste in everyone’s mouth. And you are right, contextually it makes the whole six months they were together seem so…meh.

and as much as people joke about buck speed running his bisexual awakening, since the first initial story line, has anyone really acknowledged it? are you telling me that hen has not even spoken to buck about what this all means to him? wdym known research freak evan buckley didn’t spent all night after tommy kissed him deep diving into this whole new side to him. they simply said “look he is bi and now has a boyfriend” and moved on. they don’t even SAY the word bisexual in the show. which is just fucking insane to me. they just skate around it in such a horrendous way.

and don’t even get me started on the Abby side of things because I absolutely DESPISE it. it’s such lazy writing.

but on the flip side, contextually 8x06 gave us so much good. buck was ready for something more with tommy, he was ready to live together and grow old together. he was ready for tommy to be just last. same for tommy, he wanted all that with buck. buck was also tommy’s last and they had so much opportunity to really dig into his character, to explore why he was scared to go there with buck. but again, they just wrote it off.

we also have previous episodes that actively show that this isn’t just a fling, especially for tommy. he showed up to the cafe simply because buck asked. he came to the hospital after fighting a fire because he made a promise and buck got a lil pouty about it. he showed up for buck again and again in 8x05 because he clearly cared.

for me personally, 8x06 doesn’t make their whole relationship seem like a fling. for me, it shows that these two characters care about each other so much, but clearly lack some communication of how they feel and where they both are, in the context of their relationship and in the context of their own personal journey’s.

[haaam-guuuurl]

Fixing The Seven & Junior Year/Unquangling the Time Quangle:

We can do this guys! We can make it make sense! Let's go!!

Actually, knowing what we know now about the academic workload of junior year, it makes even more sense that Zelda, Ostentatia and Danielle would want to graduate early to avoid all that

And timeline-wise, a couple tweaks and we can make it work - The summer of the Night Yorb happened, and the Seven are coming back to school in those few days after the Night Yorb has been defeated but before the Bad Kids return, because that journey takes time, and it actually makes sense that the Bad Kids start the year a couple days late

So, the Seven’s first day is Aguefort’s last day, he’s there to receive them and break the news and tell them about the GED, but he’s leaving right after on his journey with Ayda

Then, we change T7 a bit so that it’s only during the first semester and all of them graduate early (so they just don’t happen to catch any of the Bad Kid’s mess at the end of the year, and they’re just far from school for the first semester and that’s okay)

Some wackiness to explain why Aguefort is in T7 finale – Tectonya could have contacted him in the Time Quangle to let him know about the Seven’s success, and he goes back to Elmville for a day specifically to receive them and have them officialy graduate, casting time stop so that he isn’t spotted by anyone at the school (which did happen in canon, it was just for no reason, but this would be an actual good reason!). Why would he do this? Because he’s Arthur fucking Aguefort. He��s just silly like that. And I think we can admit the Seven are his favorite students

Also, in ep 1, Penny thinks there isn’t a student council just because Aguefort’s been lying to her about it because he knows she would be amazing and he doesn’t want anyone at school in a position of power more powerful/capable than him - that's just canon

Finally, I want to add an entire missing, subtle subplot to explain Zelda and Gorgug: after they were reunited at the end of spring break, they were fine and good together; and through more Sophomore Year quests (like in Boys Night) and the summer of the Night Yorb, they have learned their lesson and communicated plenty even when apart. However, once Junior Year starts, and Gorgug is super busy with the multiclassing without an MCAT stuff, and Zelda with the maidens and the GED, they just start not having time to prioritize relationships (pun with the JY downtime stats very much intended) and eventually start realizing they’re drifting apart and going in different directions. Zelda didn’t really have her own arc of difficult family or future stuff in T7 like the rest of the group, which hey, I understand the nature of NPCs, and Brennan wasn’t going to narrate a whole other plotline just for and by himself, but it would be very easy to say that Zelda was dealing with a whole other thing in the background - namely, struggling in her relationship and coming to terms with the idea that it would be for the best to break up with her boyfriend, despite them still caring for each other. Ideally, post T7 ending, somewhere at the end of the first semester of JY (in which yeah, slight canon change, Gorgug and Zelda would have been together in until now, but only in the background, like how they were together in T7), they met up at Basrar’s, just like their first date, and had a talk about how Zelda’s graduated now, and how Gorgug’s really busy and how they don’t know how they really fit into each other’s lives anymore. They’ll always love each other, but amicably break up and part ways, each going on to their own adventures.

And I think that's it! All the inconsistencies between seasons I could find. And I do believe it works like this! Lmk if I forgot anything or if there's any reason this doesn't make sense 👍

[the-100-days-of-junkan]

Day 50

Wow. fuck it’s weird to think we’re halfway there. 50 fucking days of Junkan . . . How’s everyone holding up?? I’m still writing these in advance so I have no idea if Future Jem is holding it together having to wait day by day for these, especially as we enter the period of the project where a lot of our favorite pieces come in.

So anyway “No Regrets” There’s the fic again for if you haven’t  read it and are interested.

There is a LOT to talk about with this one. So much that I’ll likely put this in a read under once again. I’ve got history, fun facts, scrapped(?) ideas, and memes.

Let’s start with my history with writing in general. Because the biggest thing that comes to mind with this fic is that it was the first time in Four Years that I had ever written something.

When I was, say, around 15 or 16, I entered the Death Battle Community on Deviantart (I swear to god this is relevant and I won’t take too long). It did a lot of things for me, it gave me a source of income when I was confident enough to open commissions, it helped me make a small amount of close friends (eventually leading to even closer friends), is the community that introduced me to Danganronpa in the first place, and it’s where I first started writing.

Now obviously, what I was writing were fights between fictional characters, most often to the death. With some attempt at a logical outcome for the match. And the account is so old and untouched that it still has he/him pronouns baked into it. I still have a lot of pride in some of the work I did on that account despite the equal amounts of dumb bullshit, grammar issues, and a severe lack of proofreading.

But shock of all shocks, Rocky Balboa fighting an Anime Character (yes that’s really the last thing I published online, it was like 40,000 fucking words and it made someone cry allegedly), is a far cry from a fic about Junko Enoshima really wanting to swap spit with Mikan Tsumiki.

 Suffice to say, I was very, very nervous about writing again. However I’m a woman with too many ideas, and not every idea can be done through just drawings alone. Especially with how I was doing things at this point. This wasn’t the first time I had desired to try writing fanfic, I still have a RWBY x Kamen Rider W fanfic haunting my brain to this day. But it was the first time I had felt so tempted. However as you might have gleamed over time whether through these posts, or talking to me personally, I have a severe lack of self esteem, ESPECIALLY when it comes to writing. And it was even worse at the time of this fic. This was the biggest roadblock for the it.

However, Junkan broke me once, causing me to draw Angst shipping art for the first time. So it only makes sense that it would break me a second time, making me write a god damn fanfic. And I made plenty of memes about this too, which i’ll post in order of creation. 

As you can tell by that last one I was fucking nervous as hell making this, which is understandable since it’s completely new territory for me in a medium i hadn’t touched in years. However, enough friends who also liked DR seem to be into it, so I was able to post it.

My AO3 account was of course originally a secret because at the time of this fic being made I was still deeply paranoid over anyone knowing I shipped Junkan. Now granted CJ is kind of an obvious alias given y’know, it’s just the initials of my fuckin main account. However it does require that someone on AO3 also have a Tumblr account and also be aware of a chick named “Carbonated-Jem” who at the time was drawing a suspicious amount of separate Junko and Mikan art.

Last thing before I talk about the actual fic. This was posted February 4th. Which fucks with me because I’m pretty certain that means that the first 50 Days of this project (reminder that most of the colored ones were after the fact) were made before that date. Half of this project was done in One Month at most. How the fuck did I do that????

Okay. So the fic.

The idea was simple at first, what if Mikan saved Junko from dying at the end of DR1. And then it spiraled from there.

This is not something I plan to talk about on this blog or anywhere but the privacy of my friend groups very often. But I am not a big fan of Danganronpa 3, I have very little nice to say about it, but my biggest issue with that Anime is it’s handling of Mikan. I do not like that Mikan was boiled down to just being whatever that was in the anime, since while I’ll never say that it was definitely a perfect relationship even with what we had teased in DR2, I think there’s a lot of nuance to the way Junko and Mikan described their relationship (moreso Mikan since last I remember at most Junko just made heavy implications that she broke each class member one by one with unknown methods). So seeing it be . . . that in the anime, just never sat right with me. If it were not for events that will be discussed later in the project, I would have been fully adverse to this ship as a result.

As you can see now I’m not only all for the ship, I’m dangerously brainrotted over it dsljfhsdlaf. How things changed.

Point is, regardless of whether you like DR3 and how it handled this dynamic (In which case, more power to you despite my lack of understanding), I had less than fond thoughts toward it. So you can kind of see this fic as also like, a way of me trying to do something more productive with that negativity rather than just wallowing on it. 

I’m gonna be real until Mikan jumps in to save Junko I don’t feel very strongly about the intro. You can very much tell this was my first time writing in 4 years, and not just that but it was me writing Junko for the first time rather than drawing her, and to take it EVEN FURTHER this was at the time the closest I had ever gotten to depicting the canon versions of the characters rather than Non-Despair takes on the characters like I was for every pic before and after this. Which yeah spoiler, beyond I think 2 instances later (there MIGHT be more) everything in this project is non-despair in nature.

You can probably still look at a lot of the art as like, just them dating Pre-Tragedy I suppose? But that’s up to you and your suspension of Disbelief.

Tangent, sorry. Back to it where was I.

Oh yeah, so I don’t know when the hell the idea for the Neo-World Program being implemented came in. But when it did that’s when I had like a solid vision for where I was going.

I think originally Junko wasn’t going to enter the program alongside everyone else? But the more I thought about it, it was like the only sure way that she could get what she wanted in the end. Since if Mikan came back reformed, whether with partial memories or nothing at all it’s a hard sell to think Mikan would be willing to go back to Junko outside of the specific circumstances that brought them together in the first place (that said i can’t say the idea of Junko trying to win her back isn’t interesting). I’d find it more likely for a full reformed Mikan in this context to like, get with Hajime or Ibuki.

So I threw Junko into the program as well, despite my concernsI did actually have a lot of fun writing the interactions. Not just Mikan (we’ll get to her in a sec) but also with Makoto. 

Writing Junko’s first moments in the program was my favorite part though, from what I remember at least. Especially once she starts giving Mikan her full attention. And that’s where we finally get to the art piece.

So here is the singular fun fact about the art. Junko had the bear clips originally, but I realized after the fact since the Neo-World program put the cast in their outfits prior to becoming Remnants, it’d make more sense to give her the bunny and bow clips instead. So I edited the art at some point to make that more clear. 

Anyway here’s the interesting part. There was in fact a time where this was going to be a series. 

The original intention was always a Oneshot, but you know how the mind tends to wander, it was inevitable that I’d be tempted to think about what else could happen in this timeline. 

It would have mostly been a Slice of Life series, more rom-com elements. Focused on the developing relationship between Junko and Mikan, essentially kind of recreating how they first met and fell in love, albeit with less of the evil girlfriends stuff.

Another part of it is that because Junko’s plans are on a hard hiatus till she gets off the Island, and more specifically because of Mikan’s influence on her in these very specific circumstances, the NWP actually does start reforming Junko on some level. I’ve always loved the idea that Mikan could have the potential to help Junko become a better person, whether it’s a Non-Despair AU where that means she just stops being a bitch to everyone (or at least mostly stops), or in Canon where she ponders that maybe starting the apocalypse isn’t the best course of action.

I did plan to try and write the rest of the DR2 cast, which admittedly was a roadblock because I had no idea what the fuck I was gonna do for characters like Nekomaru for example. I’ve only really latched onto a small handful of the overall cast of DR, so i’m severely lacking in my ability to write most of them. I did plan for Junko and Chiaki to become besties though, I feel like under a normal context Junko would just think Chiaki was really funny.

So it would have mostly been romance and shenanigans, one way I thought of to just give random little plotlines for Mikan and Junko was the MonoMono machine. Have Junko just get a bunch of coins and gamble away at the thing getting random items. And then said items just make the plot for the chapter.

That idea is what made me think of the other half of this fics equation.

So you know how there’s a fucking painting of Junko made during the Tragedy??

First off, missed opportunity to have that be a “Love” item for Mikan, would have been great foreshadowing.

Second off, actual point. I was like “how the fuck is junko gonna react if she sees this??” So I realized that while I wanted to have this overall fic have a lot of fluff and shenanigans and Junko kissing Mikan. There is in fact the elephant in the room of what’s outside of the program.

So, why not have Junko by some means start remembering reality, and realizing everything she’s been responsible for. Most importantly, killing her sister and killing Chiaki (yeah I would have kept Chiaki being a real person and not just an AI, partially just cause I think that’d hurt Junko more), and then having to cope with all of that because by that point Mikan would have unintentionally helped to make Junko a less apocalypse hungry person. 

And beyond that I don’t think I had any plans to show like, the aftermath of the program working. Partially because I feel like that’s reaching a level of writing I’m not mentally strong enough to pull off properly, partially because I think keeping it vague similar to how DR2 did it would have worked.

Now all that said, on some level I would try to like writing that story. There’s just a lot of hurdles I’d have to get past first. Not just my normal “Writing makes me want to slam my head into the wall” issue, but also stuff like-

How do I write the other characters when I have very little experience with them?

I actually have to make a plan for this one, I can’t just wing it like I did for the Vampire AU.

I have to write the Canon version of Junko for a big stretch of it and as I already established I barely grasp how the fuck to do that.

I just have other things I want to do which includes other writing.

So if you’ve made it this far into my inane ramblings, would YOU dear audience like to see this fic? I can’t say for sure how soon it would be assuming the response is positive, but I wouldn’t be opposed to making the attempt if there’s even mild interest for it.

Anyway, thankyou for your time! Hopefully will be awhile before I yap this long again.

As always, Reblogs, Comments, and Little Notes in the Tags are appreciated!~ They always make my day!~

[itsrlymine]

Heyyy its 🥝 anon again!! Thought I'd give u a last of what I've manifested in the past few days.

-my skin has cleared up insanely. I used to have such visible blackheads and now they're so faint that I know they're already gone 💯

- I had fireworks going off while I was trying to sleep the other night. And normally they go off for aaaaages like 30 mins to an hour but as soon as they started going i was like 'nawr everyones gone back inside its so quiet, its too cold for fireworks theyve all gone to bed'. The noises faded and then popped back up for a couple more blasts but i persisted that it was quiet and they stopped after 4 minutes. Guess it was too cold and everyone went to bed!!!

- I'd been craving ice cream for a few days. I wasnt sure how but i knew I was going to get ice cream. I even visualised an uber eats delivery on my kitchen counter with my dessert in it. That night my younger sister suggests to my mum that we get milkshakes/ice cream.

-saw a subliminal about DP texting you fast. I dont have a desired person but I kinda entertained the thought of someone texting me. No one in particular. I don't really have any active texts atm. But then a friend who I hadnt spoken to in a month sent me a text not even two minutes later.

- my dad had been chilling on the sofa for ages and I was getting huuungry. Literally thought about my dad getting up to go get food, like visualised him standing up. Then TWO SECONDS LATER HE DOES. He gets up off the sofa and asks what i want for lunch.

-my fave one so far. I've wanted it to snow for a while and I'm aiming for a white christmas. I saw the weather reports yesterday and it was gonna rain this whole week. No sign of snow. (I had also manifested it raining lolol). I saw those reports and went "bro they dont know what theyre talking about its literally gonna snow". Woke up this morning to snow out the window and my sister messaging the family chat in confusion.

Actual messages:

Mum: Anyone have snow? @ oldersister , am guessing you do.

Older Sister: What the fuck

OS: Yes I do

OS: [pic of fully snowy rooftops]

OS: That’s so odd

OS: It wasn’t meant to snow here

😌😌😌✍️✍️✍️✍️

U already knowwwwww im the creator

🥝 baby I've missed you!!!!!! Not you inspired the song Let It Snow cmon!! I love all these successes and they are proof of how easy this truly is when we just remember who we are - the center of everything!!!! You better work creator!!!! No matter what method you use, it's always gonna work bc at the end of the day it's you!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much for sharing my love.

[sunnyie-eve]

36 | Hanging Out

Series: Unexpected

Paring: (Matt Sturniolo x OFC Brock!) (Chris Sturniolo x OFC Brock!)

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: none

| MASTERLIST |

It's been a few days since Chris asked Dani out and they were a bit awkward still but only when they were alone. Today they were all hanging out with everyone and that included Sam and Colby, Tara, Jake, Johnnie, and Larry. Honestly, Dani didn't feel like joining but she had no choice since everyone was gonna be at the house for a while.

"You okay?" Nick sits next to her on the couch.

"Ehh, I don't wanna hangout with anyone really. My social battery is dead today." She gives him a smile.

"Well you need to recharge it because you know the type of people you're hanging out with later." He laughs at her so she gives him a look. "Also how are you and him doing?" He looks over in Chris's direction.

"Not as bad but still odd when alone. That's why I'm hanging around you or Matt to keep me busy. Give it a few more days and it will be over with." She tells him.

"You gonna tell Colby what happened?"

"Are you fucking crazy?" She says louder than expected so Matt and Chris look over at her. "Hey, mind your own business." She points her finger at them so they go back to whatever they were doing. "I will tell Sam though."

As it was getting closer to the time everyone was gonna show up, Dani didn't want to leave her room. She wanted to get as much time alone before chaos. "Why are you taking my place as the non-social one?" Matt enters her room, "The night will fly by. Here for a bit, dinner, and then Top Golf."

"I think you keep forgetting the main reason I hate this."

"Colby." He knew exactly why.

"You know he hated that I stayed home with you for Tara's party, right. Nick told him we just spent all night in your bed watching Netflix. So I woke up the next morning to so many texts asking what the fuck. His mind automatically went to inappropriate things. He didn't even believe me right away."

"What! He didn't believe you? I get he's a protective big brother but come on. That's a bit much." He sits on her bed dumbfounded.

"Yep, you gotta blame my ex for how Colby is."

"But to not trust you and go overboard on his protectiveness? Dani, you need to tell him how you feel about that. Don't just deal with it because he's your brother." He tells her but she shakes her head. Matt goes to speak again but the doorbell goes off. They both look at each other till they hear it was Sam and Colby.

"Get, and you're in my room with the door shut." Dani gets up going to the door, "Let's get this over with." She opens it and sees Colby was gonna knock.

"Matt." He looks around Dani over at Matt on her bed.

"Colby." He waves.

Dani walks past Colby and grabs Sam upstairs dragging him to the bathroom so they can be alone and talk. "Hello to you too." He laughs as she locks the door.

"When my parents came to visit, Chris asked me out and I told I didn't feel the same. You know,  we didn't go over that what if." She lets him know.

"Chris asked you out?"

"In front of my parents, Sam." She whispers yells, "If Chris liked me then there's no way Matt does."

"Why do you say that?"

"Isn't there like a bro code or something especially between brothers?" She asks him.

Sam shrugs his shoulders, "I don't know if they have bro codes. Just ask Nick or something."

"Oh, speaking of Nick. I forgot to tell you. When I got back after my weekend with you, I slipped that I have a thing for Matt. So you and him know." Dani adds.

"And what did he say? Did he give you any hints?" Sam gets a bit excited wanting to know.

"Just that he will keep the secret."

Sam makes a face, "Some best friend he is. He was no help. Isn't he supposed to have your back too?"

They stopped talking as there was a knock at the bathroom door, "What's going on in there?" Colby asks them.

Dani opens the door, "Can I seriously not just have a conversation with someone in peace?" She groans walking past Colby again going back to her room.

When everyone else shows up, Dani was still in her room. She was debating telling everyone she was gonna stay home and wish everyone a good night. Again, she just wasn't in the mood already and Colby just made it worse for her.

"Dani's home, right?" Tara asks everyone still confused why she hasn't seen her.

"She's in her room." Colby tells her.

"Thanks to you." Matt says then catches he said it out loud, "I'll check on her." Matt gets up but Colby does too.

"Don't sweat it. She's my sister and it's my fault apparently."

Tara watches the two give each other a look, "I'll do it since I'm the only other girl here." She gets up going to Dani's room shaking her head at the two. "Can I come in?" Tara knocks on the door then goes in as Dani says yeah. "Are you really in here because of Colby?"

"Who said that?" Dani puts her phone down next to her.

"Matt slipped." She walks over to the bed, "Colby seems to still have a main problem with just him. Wanna talk about it?" Tara sits down.

"Just Colby being an overly protective brother, who hates my friendship with Matt."

"Well, he needs to get over it because I don't see you two ever not being close. I do see y'all getting closer at some point, if you know what I mean." Tara gives her a smile, "You two like each other anyone could see that. If not, they're fucking blind to the truth. He cares about you." She laughs, "He threw Colby under the bus to his face on accident." She laughs more.

"I know and that's why I like him so much." Dani gives Tara a look, "You and Sam both say he likes me too but I don't wanna risk it. And I don't want him getting more crap from Colby if he does feel the same too."

"Danielle, Jake and I dated forever and we are still great friends. Don't be scared to try and fuck Colby. It's your happiness and relationship. Not his." Tara grabs her hand, "Now, we're leaving in a few for dinner. And I want to get a in person read on Matt instead through an edited YouTube video so you're changing." Tara jumps up rushing over to the closet since Dani was just in an oversized shirt.

"Are you serious, Tara?"

"Yep." She looks back with a big smile.

Once Dani was dressed Tara eyes her up and down, "You're boobs have grown."

"Yes, I wish it was my height instead. Now let's just go. I want this night over with." Dani opens her door for Tara to go first.

"And this is why you send a girl to do girl work." Tara smiles joining the others as Dani follows behind. "She's ready to go now." Tara smiles back at Dani in view now.

"Tara, do me a favor and stop yapping."

"Why change clothes?" Colby asks so Tara speaks up for Dani.

"Because she looked terrible so I picked a new outfit for her. No wonder why she didn't want to leave the house."

At dinner Dani didn't chat much or wasn't on her phone either like the others were as well. She still wanted to be home in her bed watching tv. Tara, Sam, and Nick tried their best to get Dani to cheer up but they weren't doing it for her. She appreciated them though and would thank them for trying. Then at Top Golf Dani wasn't gonna play but sit and cheer the others on.

"You're upsetting me." Matt sits next to her. He hadn't really chatted with since everyone arrived at their house. Even at dinner Colby got them seated far away from each other.

"Why?" She asks confused.

"You aren't yourself right now."

"You know the anti social me, Matt. This isn't new to you." She rolls her eyes a bit.

Matt sighs looking over at Colby take his turn before looking back at her, "That's not just it though." He gets her to look at him, "You're hurting on the inside as well right now."

Her eyes start to get watery and her lower lip quivers a bit, "I gotta use the bathroom." She lies getting up speed walking away wiping her tears away.

Matt doesn't waste a second getting up and following her. He knew that was just bullshit to get away from everyone. As the two left Sam, Nick, and Tara share a look as they look away from where the two went.

"I gotta spy, sorry." Tara gets up quickly.

"I gotta see if he has the magic touch." Sam gets up as well.

"Guys!" Nick sees the other five look over at them, "Nothing to worry about. We'll be back." He tells them before going after the two.

When Matt gets to Dani he stops her from entering the bathroom, "Hey." He walks them away a bit to where they were alone.

"Why must you know me so fucking well? Huh, Matthew?" Tears fall from her eyes, "More than my own fucking brother. I hate that. I really do."

"Full first name, okay." He chuckles, "That hurt a bit." He laughs more and it makes her giggle a bit, "There's that smile. I haven't seen it all day." He tilts his head to the side a bit while leaning down a little to her height.

She quickly stops the little smile she had, "Stop it. I'm not gonna do it again."

"Wanna bet? You know I have my ways at getting things I want." He gives her a big smile, "I'll let Mr. Wrinkleton spend the night with you." He gets her to smile again, "We don't have to talk about it but I have one request from you."

"And what's that?" She sighs wiping her tears away.

"You love when we come here alone so try to have some fun before we go home." He puts his hand out to her. Dani nods her head taking his head to go back with him.

"Go, go, go, go!" The three spying on them quickly rush back to join the others and act normal.

[absolutebl]

Given the wide range of BL you've consumed and analyzed. I am curious at your perspective when comparing BLs made/written by men and those that were written by women, in a different direction, comparing BLs directed by men in comparison to women.

If you could have the time and give your perspective in this two sources of BL , that would be great.

Hum, I'm not sure how to answer this. Except in a kind of avoidance way because I question the premise.

I think, in general, in most of the film industry, the original writing has very little to do with the final result, because so many new voices and povs are imposed on it the moment it begins to be adapted. After a BL leaves its author (predominantly female) it goes to script, a writers room, and eventually into the hands of director and team. All those people are different genders (predominantly male). And all of them have a significant impact on the end result.

Sometimes the author has unprecedented influence (mame for example) but that's pretty unusual.

Statistically speaking, the origin IP (whether novel or graphic) is most likely written by a female and the resulting BL most likely directed by a male.

There are always exceptions, of course.

Even putting aside all the other people, mostly script writers, in between the two primaries (which I just don't think you can) it would be statistically challenging to draw any commonalities amongst female directors (since there are so few) or amongst male writers (for the same reason). In other words, we have many many examples of really only 1 of the 4 possible combinations, and all those examples are muddied by the nature of the filming process (not to mention the nature of gender).

In other words, it would be challenging for me to say things are generally preferable in any one version of the pairings.

I have liked BLs written and directed by women, written by a woman directed by a man, written by a man directed by a woman, or written and directed by men (although those last two I would struggle to name any BLs).

However, I have also liked and then disliked BLs from the same general team and combination of genders behind the creatives.

For me, at least, there doesn't seem to be a reliable team or a reliable writer or a reliable director whose BL product I will reliably love.

I would hesitate to place a predictor on my BL taste (or anyone else's) based on the gender of any part of the team behind a BL. That seems..... weird. Especially when queers and 3rd gender etc are involved (and we have always been involved in artistic spaces for as long as humans have existed, I suspect).

But then I feel that way about most entertainment, from music to books to plays to comedy to fashion. I can be a fan of a director's style but not like some of their shows, just as I can be a fan of an actor's performance but not the character they're playing, or a fan of a pair's chemistry but not in those roles, and so forth.

I think what youth and influencers and the internet age has forgotten is that it's okay to admire a creative individual and not slavishly adore everything that they produce. (For fuck's sake though, don't tell them that, you absolute troll.)

Creatives and creative teams also have their own taste, and that may conflict with yours. Especially with newer IP where you might want the same old same old and they need to evolved. Consumers of entertainment are remarkably resistant to creativity, innovation, and change (so oxymoronic) .

It's okay, maybe you'll like their next BL, song, book, painting, performance......

I have no idea how I got here but:

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

I do have some stuff on a queer lens here:

[moonfireshadow]

I feel like you guys are missing the point here just a bit, but not because you're wrong. Like you're right, it IS disgustingly pornographic and our 'old woman's character isn't actually all that aged at all. And the men characters are seen as more funny and goofy for the male audience. And absolutely all of this is catered to the male view. And the eating seen was portrayed in a negative light unnecessarily.

However. That's the point. It's a horror film about how absolutely disgusting and unnecessarily pornographic Hollywood and the film industry is. My friends and I were talking about it when we all noticed how much unnecessary nudity and boobage there was. And one of them pointed out how that none of what the characters are doing for their dance routines is that abnormal for any kinda dancing in music videos or on YouTube, or even tiktok. Sex sells. And the film industry is OBSESSED with sex and female nudity. Because woman are obviously just a hot commodity for men to consume (/sarcasm). The worst part of all of it is Elisapeth has fully bought in an internalized that. She stands in the mirror staring at her own naked body and mentally picking it apart for flaws, not for her own gaze though. She's doing it for the audience. Except there isn't really an audience for her. It's an audience she imagines and has fully internalized. Because her entire life she has learned that being sexual and sexy is what sells. She is only worth something if she is sexy and beautiful. For anyone with an eating disorder I would bet money they've had the exact same moment in their life. Just standing in front of a mirror studying themselves and hating what they see, because what they see isn't a perfect commodity for men to consume.

And on the note of eating disorders, that's again why the food is portrayed in the way that it is. It's clearly a more overt and insidious portrayal of the cycle of starving yourself/binge eating. Sue is disgusted and hates Elisapeth for eating so much food (and also not cleaning up after herself, which ties into the main characters crippling depression and low self esteem.) Because we never once seen Sue eat anything. So to juxtapose that to Elisapeth binge eating, it's probably pretty safe to assume Sue starves herself and sees Elisapeth's cooking habit as a disgusting break in her self control (aka, the whole 'Control Yourself' scene). This isn't meant to equate Elisapeth as being selfish for only cooking for herself. But rather Elisapeth's severe cognitive dissonance between the reality of who she is vs. her ideal self. Because her ideal self is the perfect and sexy Barbie doll who regularly fucks and dances on camera, she doesn't need to eat. But Elisapeth does. And so she does eat, and relapses from her starving herself. And then the next day she absolutely hates herself for her "lapse in control".

Now as for the men coming across as harmless goofballs, let's get into it because this point is so so interesting to me. Because yeah, I bet men DONT see how insidious and disgusting the men in this movie are. They don't feel that crawling sensation like the men are stripping them with their eyes while they talk. Sue only ever bats her eyes and smiles in a positive demenor and acts like a non threatening idiot whenever she's around her boss. And it's because from the get go, she was shown that stepping even a toe out of line could cost her her career (ref: the start of the movie when she mentions she has a scheduling issue, and the entire mood of the boss goes from happy and excited to instantly suffocating and angry, just for him to jump back to happy and excited with a, 'baby girl for you we can make it work :)') it's such a small scene, but anyone who has had the female experience as a small woman in the room with a big angry man knows exactly what that's like. You have to carefully keep and eye on him and read his every mood and emotion, and perform for him to keep him happy. And she does that for all the men she meets. She IS a happy, sexy, brainless Barbie doll for men to consume. Because if she isn't? If she pushes back against the treatment? If she voices how uncomfortable it is for every man who looks at her to look at her like she's just a piece of meat for auctioning? Her career would be dead in the water. And she knows it. And they know it too. The trick is that no one is allowed to say it out loud. So the men get to Lord their power, be buddy buddy with each other and joke about the new hot piece of ass they managed to reel in. And the women just have to smile and pretend to be grateful for it.

And finally let's talk about how Elisapeth, at 50, barely even looks 30. And how she is repeatedly called old and treated like some shriveled old relic from the past, despite looking like an absolute goddess. Because again, that's Hollywood. It's a well known thing that woman are considered "past their prime" when they hit 30 in the film industry. And God absolutely forbid they look it. So Elisapeth gets work done, she keeps herself looking as young as she can for as long as she can, because she is scared shitless of aging and growing too old for the general male consumption. And as we can see, her fears are validated when she gets fired for just being too old. Despite again, because phenomenally talented and gorgeous. It doesn't matter. She's aged out. She doesn't even have a single wrinkle, but she's 50 now, so they gotta give her the boot. Her entire life shattered on her birthday, her entire self esteem and cognitive basis, absolutely obliterated because of something that happens to everyone. So that's literally the point, she DOESNT look that bad or that old. But it doesn't matter what she actually looks like. It matters that she's reached her predetermined expiration date, and she's got to go because of it.

That's the whole theme of the story tbh. It's a story about an actress who has bet her entire life on a fleeting and impossible to reach beauty standard that was never going to love and accept her in return. And instead of moving past it (why the male character who asked her out was so significant. I do agree that it kinda frames him as her last chance for happiness, and that I personally would have played it out differently, but really he is metaphorical for being able to grow past her younger self and accept who she is currently and her age. But she doesn't and instead hates herself so much she sabotages her last saving grace to find beauty and love and someone who will accept her for who she currently is, not who she was.) Its a story about a woman who has internalized the male gaze so much she has no basis of self esteem for herself without it. And who instead of choosing to grow and love herself, clings to what she already knows and goes out of her way to get it back. And it's ultimately her own destruction. Because she would do anything for just a few more minutes of being loved, even when that love is really actually just consumerism.

Just watched The Substance and I honest to god can't believe this is considered a 'feminist' movie. Read your analysis and completely agrree. My male co-workers were actually gushing over this movie, they couldnt believe how many times they got to see the main actresses naked and posing sexually for them. If you made a movie for men to masturbate too you've absolutely failed in having a 'feminist' message.

And Sue literally being how incel men picture Hot Girls - getting everything she wants without doing anything, rich and vain, having sex whenever, posing sexually every morning and staring at herself constantly, while having no real personality. Its how a porn-addicted man wishes he could live, not any womens reality. She barely even has any lines in the movie.

Not to mention having Demi Moore be the 'old women' despite having obvious work done and looking nothing like a regular older women. Its like the movie itself was too afraid to actually show a realistically aged women, and when she does start getting gray hair and looking older suddenly shes acting cartoonishly bitter and slobbish. Im so sick of movies having women make disgusting looking food and a huge mess and it all being shown as gross and depressing. Portraying food and eating as disgusting and pigging out when women make it (for themselves, if theyre cooking for a man or kids suddenly its different) is just feeding into misogynistic beliefs, not subverting them.

And the classic, portraying sexist men as very goofy and dumb so they don't offend the male viewers by having an actual relatable man that acts just like them being criticised by the movie for his sexism. Also the whole point where the movie basically acts like if she'd just been able to go on that date with the random guy from school, she wouldve been fine. bc having a boyfriend and a man that says youre the most beautiful is all that a woman needs i guess.

Anyway I absolutely hated this movie. From a horror perspective it did some things very well, but the message was just foul to me. Not to mention the fact that men are now trying to give Margaret Qualley the Sydney Sweeney treatment, bc they got to see her naked, hyper-sexualized, and acting like a little girl infront of powerful men. This movie was the antithesis of what everyone is saying it is imo.

Yes, I remember feeling similar to this when I first watched it. So much of it was catering to the male gaze, so much of it I had to skip because it was pornographic material, the outrage at the woman who looked so young and socially attractive to be presented as 'too-old-looking', I didn't even consider how different she looked to the reality of female aging, I didn't know that much about her. I did think she looked young though!

And you described perfectly my own thoughts about the food! It was presented to us as if it was disgusting, it made me feel insane, it was food! I've never seen any food presented in such a way. I understood later that this part was meant to resonate with women who did see food in this way because of an eating disorder, and to them this looked very normal to how they feel about food, even though this seems terrifying to me, I can't even think about it that way.

You are so right that it's never portrayed like this when a woman is cooking for a family! I didn't even think of that. If she's making meals for others, then it's portrayed as extremely positive, if she's cooking for herself, horrible.

I actually didn't even see the missed date thing as her 'opportunity to be fixed', but you're right! They did depict that male as her last chance to make a human connection and to feel like a human again, as if a single male could resolve this insane amount of struggle she was in.

My conclusion is exactly the same as yours, it is not doing anything it's claiming to do, extremely disappointing as a feminist movie, so much catering to male gaze and awful and horrifying depiction of what women's lives are like.

[luck-of-the-drawings]

EDYN TIDESTRIDER, CHALLENGER OF THE UNDERSEA, RIVAL OF THE DEEP. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR BROTHER WAS CHOSEN TO BE A WEAPON OF THE GODS? HOW WILL YOU UNDO WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO HIM?