#so it took me a long time to realise he was telling me bullshit even though all the signs were there

[downthe-f4ndom-rabbith0le]

As Brave As You Are (Newt x Reader) - A Maze Runner Story

As Brave As You Are (Newt x Reader) Reader Insert: she/her pronouns Word Count: 12,051 Warnings: death, bloody wounds, fighting, mental and physical torture, guns, suicidal thoughts and actions Spoilers: no spoilers because the books and films came out ages ago

After helping Newt recover from his ankle injury, Y/N and Newt formed an unbreakable bond that always had them looking out for each other. When they escaped the Maze, then navigated the Scorch, they always had each other’s back. It isn’t until Y/N is captured alongside Minho by WCKD and Newt contracts the Flare that he realises how he truly feels about Y/N.

Problem is, will he rescue her in time to tell her?

Note: I'm back in my dystopian future era thanks to the new Hunger Games film so of course I had to write for my original YA crush. This piece is based on the movie series mainly. Don't get mad at me, I love the books more, but I can appreciate the storylines that came out of the path they took with the films. And if there is one thing the TMR fandom can agree on, it is that the film cast was the best cast ever for the series. So enjoy - not sorry that it's horrendously long, Newt deserves it xx

‘Medjack! Medjack, now!’

Y/N recognised it was Minho was calling for help. Clint and Jeff ran out of the med hut to see what all the commotion was. It wasn’t long before they were hurrying back inside, carrying Newt of all people between them, Minho and Alby in tow.

‘Clear the table,’ Clint ordered, and Y/N quickly followed through, practically throwing off containers, bowls and medical instruments to get Newt on there as quick as possible. Once Newt was up, Y/N finally noticed the unnatural twist in his ankle and it almost sent Frypan’s sloppy sweet potato soup right back up. 

She was still pretty new to her job as a Medjack, being the greenie and all. She was the only girl in the Glade of the current twelve residents, so she was intimidated at first as to what role she could play in the place. Medjack seemed the most suitable, and she seemed to have a knack for it, having stitched up some eyebrows and cleaned up knee scrapes with ease and precision. 

But even though she’d seen blood, dealt with displaced bones and joints, she still got queasy doing her job. It didn’t help that Newt was hissing through clenched teeth from the intense pain, an occasional sob passing through.

‘What happened?’ Y/N asked.

‘I don’t know,’ Minho said. ‘We split up for only five minutes. I thought we could cover more ground that way. And we’ve run that part of the Maze like a hundred times already. I thought we’d be fine…’

Clint held Newt down as Jeff and Y/N took a look at Newt’s ankle. Jeff only pressed gently with his fingers around the bone, but Newt’s responding howls confirmed the severity of the injury.

‘The bone is completely shattered,’ Jeff said grimly. ‘We’re going to need to reset his foot first though. Y/N?’

‘On it.’ She rushed to a shelf that held bandages, then to a cupboard with flat boards about shin length. She grabbed two of those before heading back to the table.

‘You’re going to have to hold him down,’ Y/N directed at Alby and Minho, gesturing to follow Clint’s efforts. Then she turned to Newt, whose face was slicked with tears and sweat as he continued to writhe in pain. ‘Newt. Newt, can you open your eyes for me? I need you to focus on me.’

To his credit, Newt opened his eyes and he didn’t look away from her. 

‘Good. Good, Newt,’ she said. ‘Now, we have to realign your foot. It’s going to hurt a lot. We’ll go on three, okay?’

In the short time Y/N had known Newt – which arguably was no time at all, as he ran every day and she was in the Medjack hut all day. They didn’t interact unless he or another runner got hurt, or at dinner if only to say hello. Even so, she had come to know he liked it plain and straight, no bullshit. So, despite his pain, he took two deep, calming breaths and gave her a nod to say he was ready for what they had to do.

Y/N nodded back, then looked to the others, who had their hands braced on all Newt’s limbs. ‘Ready?’ she asked, to which they nodded in reply. Y/N gently held Newt’s ankle, eliciting a quiet whimper from the boy. ‘Okay, on three. One, two…’ She cut herself off as she slammed her hands either side the ankle bone, causing a loud cracking sound as the ankle snapped back into place. 

Newt’s wail of pain must’ve been heard from across the whole Glade it was so loud. He writhed and pulled to sit up, but the boys held him down as Y/N and Jeff bandaged the two splints either side of Newt’s ankle. Jeff then dabbed a small dose of chloroform in a cloth and pressed it to Newt’s nose. Soon enough, the boy was unconscious, finally pain-free.

‘You guys go have dinner,’ Y/N said to Clint and Jeff a little while later as they were cleaning up the hut. Alby and Minho had left soon after Newt fell asleep, but it was almost dinner time now. ‘I’ll stay with Newt tonight.’

‘You sure?’ Clint asked. ‘We can do shifts if you’d prefer.’

Y/N shook her head. ‘I insist. You guys rest up. I can do this. Consider this my final test to becoming a fully-fledged Medjack.’

Jeff chuckled. ‘You have much more to learn, Greenie, but suit yourself.’

‘We’ll bring you back some food, Y/N,’ Clint said as he and Jeff left the hut, leaving Y/N to idly clean up.

Newt woke up from a dull throbbing in his ankle, which turned into a harsh pain, causing him to sit up in alarm. 

‘Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay,’ a voice gently said as equally gentle hands pushed him back down.

‘My ankle,’ he said, voice hoarse and dry. ‘It hurts…’

The face of the voice finally came into view: it was the Greenie. Y/N offered him a small smile as he finally recognised her. In one hand, she held a needle with clear serum. Her other she offered to his leg. ‘May I? It’ll help, I promise.’

He hesitated for a moment, but the intense pain in his ankle broke his composure as he eagerly nodded. The painkiller worked immediately, and Newt sighed with relief as the throbbing eased significantly.

’There,’ Y/N said, wiping the needle. ’That should help for a bit. Sadly, we don’t have much left for me to give you more than once a day, but I’m hoping you won’t need it beyond the end of the month.’

Confusion clouded Newt’s mind as he tried to process her words. ‘What… What happened?’ But he answered his own question as images of the Maze flashed through his mind, and he remembered it all. How he bid farewell to Minho. How he climbed as high as he could along the Maze walls. How easy it was to let go. 

Then the pain fully encompassed him, and then it was just a blur. How Minho found him. How Clint and Jeff laid him on the table he realised he was still on. How angry and embarrassed he felt having his friends see him broken and miserable. 

Newt managed to pull himself into a sitting position, propping a pillow behind him to cushion the hut wall. ‘How bad is it?’ he asked glumly, eyes unable to lift from his injury.

He couldn’t be bothered with pleasantries. He was too tired, and, frankly, saw no point in keeping up appearances anymore. 

To her credit, Y/N seemed to pick up on his mood, saying, ‘It will heal to a point you’ll be able to walk again. But it won’t ever heal properly.’

‘You mean I’ll have a limp?’

‘Potentially.’

’So I can’t be a Runner anymore?’ Y/N didn’t reply, finally drawing Newt’s attention away from the source of his pain and to her. 

Newt had only interacted with Y/N on a few occasions. Mainly at mealtimes or the odd occasion he passed her by on the way back from a run, only talking as much as greeting and farewelling one another. As the only girl so far, of course he found her intriguing, but he never had time nor a reason to get to know her.

And while he’d come to think of her as the quiet and gentle Medjack in comparison to Clint and Jeff, he didn’t see an ounce of pity on her face as she looked at him. Only quiet contemplation, as if there could be any other answer but no to his question.

‘I guess that’s up to you and Alby,’ she finally said. ‘I mean, I know what I should say is no. I’m sure Clint and Jeff will say no. But it’ll more so come down to if you want to go back in or not.’ Her eyes flickered to his ankle, sadness glazing her eyes briefly before returning to him. ‘But I think I can take a guess as to what your answer will be.’

Newt’s gut twisted with guilt and shame that she’d figured it out, and his face flushed with embarrassment and anger. ‘So, you going to tell everyone?’ he asked, words thick  with hopelessness. ‘I mean, that’s your job, right? Diagnose me, then tell Alby, then the whole glade how pathetic I am?’

Y/N shook her head. ‘I think you give me too much credit. I’m not an actual doctor, you know,’ she said, coming to stand beside him. She inspected his ankle for a moment, then turned her gaze to him, and it shocked him to see such intensity in her eyes. It was as if suddenly he was the most interesting person in the world.

‘I can say it was a running accident,’ she finally concluded. ‘You can tell your truth when you’re ready. It’s not my place to take away hope when the others are so full of it right now. That includes me.’

He stared, stunned, as she packed up the last of her things by a spare medical cot at the other end of the hut. It wasn’t until she let out a loud yawn that Newt noticed it was dark outside. The silence of the Glade told him everyone else had gone to bed so it was late. Or early, he couldn’t really tell.

Y/N fluffed a sad excuse of a pillow and put it on the cot. ‘Now that I know you’re alive, are you going to be okay if I get a few minutes shut eye? I can stay up if you’d like.’

Now that the initial shock and embarrassment of the day’s events had subsided, Newt realised how exhausted he was still. ‘No, that’s okay,’ he said. ‘I think I should rest a bit more anyway.’

Y/N nodded and swung her legs up to lie down fully. Newt went to slide himself and his pillow back down to do the same when Y/N spoke again.

‘And Newt?’ she said, her voice soft and almost hesitant.

‘Yeah?’ he called back.

She was silent for so long Newt thought she’d gone to sleep. But then she spoke. ‘For the record, I don’t think you’re pathetic. For wanting it all to end, that is. I actually think what you did was really brave. You might be scared and maybe out of hope, but at least you did something about it. The rest of us can only hope to be as brave as you.’

Newt’s breath caught in his chest as it swelled with a mix of emotions. Brave? What he did was the act of a coward. Tears streamed silently down his face, both from a deep shame, but also a warmth he hadn’t felt in a long time.

The rest of us can only hope to be as brave as you…

Newt had lost all hope after a year of searching for a way out and finding nothing. But she didn’t know that, and neither will the next Greenie, or the Greenie after that. Even some of the boys already in the Glade didn’t know that. That’s why they waited every day for the runners – for him – to come back with news, with a shred of hope that they’d get out of there soon. 

Newt twisted himself so he could see Y/N, who was rolled away from him, her body rising and falling with the rhythm of sleep. Even if he thought it would all be hopeless in the end, some truly believed they would get out of here.

And maybe that was something worth fighting for.

~

Two years on and Newt and Y/N had managed to forge something akin to a friendship. 

Y/N had kept her word and said Newt had had a running accident, and he’d agreed with her for the sake of his worried friends. Y/N had also been right about his ankle; it healed to point where he could walk and do a decent jog with a limp. But he would never run again. 

He was transferred to work as a Track-Hoe in the gardens with Zart. But it wasn’t all bad. As more boys arrived – never any girls much to their confusion – Newt developed a knack for leading others, for diffusing hard situations, and for wrangling the boys into line. Because of that, he was promoted to Alby’s second-in-command, which gave him more meaningful work to do than just the gardens – stuff that might actually get him and the other Gladers out of the bloody Maze. 

It also meant he had more time to talk to Y/N. He would make sure to drop by once a day (and not just at mealtimes) to check in on her. For a time, he convinced himself he did that because it was his job as second-in-command to keep up group morale, and he would visit everyone in the Glade. Eventually, however, he realised it was because he genuinely enjoyed her company.

Since that night, Y/N had come out of her shell more. Still a little shy and apprehensive at times, but she would openly joke and play along with the boys’ antics. She was more confident in her work as a Medjack too, not afraid to boss Clint and Jeff around if she needed something from them.

Newt’s visits became longer, as they talked about any and all things. Aside from Alby and Minho, Newt considered Y/N one of his closest friends. And she must’ve felt the same – or at least in a similar fashion – as she entertained his thoughts about life beyond the Maze, and the rants he would go on thanks to whichever stupid shank put the fertiliser in the wrong place.

It was a friendship built on mutual respect and genuine care for one another, something that helped Newt convince Y/N to come with him and the others when they finally decided to leave the Maze. But he couldn’t help but feel a deep dread and guilt as he waited behind Thomas, knowing that Grievers were right around the corner.

While the others caught up, Newt turned to Y/N – who’d been helping him through the Maze with his limp – and offered her a spare spear he’d been carrying.

Her eyes widened at his offering. ‘I can’t take that. I can’t fight.’

‘Well, you can’t just go in there without something to protect yourself,’ he said, this time forcibly handing the spear over. Y/N clutched the spear awkwardly, and Newt saw the uncertainty in her eyes, in her trembling hands.

Newt felt bad for making her hold such a violent weapon. All her hands had ever done were help people, save them at times. Now he was asking her to kill. It was for the greater good they both knew, but to kill, nonetheless.

Newt placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and locked eyes with her. ‘Hey,’ he said softly, ‘you stay with me the whole time, do you understand? I promise you won’t have to use that unless absolute necessary.’

Y/N bit her lip to stop it trembling too, but she nodded, steeling herself in preparation for the fight ahead. Newt reciprocated the action and gave her shoulder a final squeeze before turning to face Thomas as he explained the plan.

They fought the Grievers, taking down a few while some of them took down Gladers. The Gladers were backed against the door that Teresa and Chuck were trying to open with a code. Minho shouted numbers at them as he, Newt, and the others fended off one last Griever.

Before he could finish, Minho was caught by a Griever, and Clint ran out to save him. But the Griever’s tail caught him, sending him over the edge of the walkway they fought on with one flick.

‘Clint!’

Before Newt could stop her, Y/N rushed out from behind him, spear drawn back and flying at the Griever in seconds. Not being a fighter to begin with, let alone a good one, the spear bounced off its metal leg without much effect. It did, however, alert the Griever to her presence, turning all its attention to her. Minho leapt to his feet, finally free, and ran back to the group. ‘Y/N!’ he cried as he ran. ‘Run!’

Y/N seemed to finally realise her situation, looking up at the Griever frozen with fear. The horrible creature raised its claw to end her, but Newt moved faster. 

He ran as fast as he could, limp be damned, past Y/N and threw his spear at the Griever’s head. It landed true, puncturing one of the creature’s bulbous eyes, drawing a painful screech from it. Newt didn’t wait to see what it would do next, as he grabbed one of Y/N’s arms and Minho grabbed the other and ran back to the group, practically throwing her behind the front line and against the door. 

Teresa finally got the door open and the Gladers tumbled in, Thomas throwing one last spear down the Griever’s throat as the doors closed. 

Lights flickered on to show they were in some empty room with a door on the wall behind them leading to a corridor.

Thomas looked at the group, taking heavy breaths. ‘Everyone okay?’

‘What’s left of us, that is,’ Winston said, his tone sad and regretful. 

As Newt eyed the group, he noted how many they’d lost, how little their group seemed all of a sudden. 

Minho stepped ahead with Thomas, pointing towards the door. ‘Well? It’s not going to open itself.’

As Minho and Thomas led the group to the exit, Newt turned to Y/N, whose eyes had a distant look glazed over them. ‘What were you thinking?’ he asked, bringing her attention to him. ‘I told you to stay behind me. You could’ve been killed.’

‘I-I know. I’m sorry,’ she stuttered out, tears teetering in her E/C eyes. ‘I just… Clint… It all happened so fast, and I was just kind of moving before I knew what I was doing.’ She looked down at her hands then, and Newt noticed a slight tremble to them. ‘I thought I could help, but I was too slow. And I put you guys in danger too. I’m just… I’m sorry.’

Newt’s guilt came back full force then. He placed a gentle hand over her trembling one, grasping her fingers to stop their shaking. When she looked up at him confused, he just said, ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pressured you into thinking you had to fight. You won’t ever hold a weapon like that again. I promise.’

Y/N opened her mouth to object no doubt, but Newt cut her off. ‘But you have to promise me something back. Promise me that you’ll let us protect you. You can help by keeping us alive, just like you always have. But you’ve got to listen to me, you got it?’

He used his authoritative voice this time, and it seemed to work as Y/N calmed down, her unshed tears now gone.

‘Okay,’ she said, quiet but strong. ‘I promise.’

Newt nodded. ‘Good that.’ He turned to see the others leaving through the door then turned back to Y/N. ’Do you think we’d be lucky enough not to face anything else beyond those doors.’

‘I think we should consider ourselves lucky for getting this far.’ To her credit, Y/N managed a small smile as she looked up at him. ‘But why should our luck run out now?’

There it was again; the glimmer of hope Newt had felt from her since the night he injured his ankle. Newt couldn’t deny that they’d made it this far – by design or by luck, they’d made it. 

And who was he to deny that things might be on the look up for them now?

Together, Y/N and Newt followed the rest of the Gladers to meet their makers.

~

‘I never thought I’d say this… but I miss the Glade.’

The group around the fire grew silent at the implication Frypan’s words had, the memories they conjured up. Y/N couldn’t help but agree as she looked into the dark sky above her, peaking from behind the crumbling pillars they took refuge under. 

The sky was always so clear back in the Glade, she recalled silently. But, just like their current situation, the sky was now obscured. 

The people who rescued them from the Maze were actually WCKD – the people who’d put them in the Maze in the first place. The past twelve hours had seen herself, Newt, Thomas, Minho, Frypan, Winston, and a boy named Aris find Teresa, break out of the facility, and enter the deadly Scorch. In their search for supplies, they’d been attacked by crazed, infected people, driving the group to hide where they were.

The Maze was dangerous, but it was familiar and the only home Y/N recalled ever having. Out in the Scorch, safety wasn’t guaranteed. 

She looked to Winston, who laid back, his shirt pulled up to expose the bloody bandage she’d wrapped his torso in. Y/N tried not to think about the infected scratch marks underneath, and more specifically what gave them to him. The Grievers were one thing, but the things that attacked them? They used to be people.

Not wanting to sit in her thoughts anymore, Y/N stood up, brushed off her pants, and grabbed knife from their pile of weapons they’d found in the abandoned mall. ‘I’ll take first watch.’ 

She didn’t wait to hear if anyone objected, already walking around the stone that covered them so she was on top. To her relief, the others let her go without argument, putting out the fire and quickly settling down to sleep.

After half an hour, Y/N decided to get up and patrol around the area, knife tightly gripped in her hand and her footsteps quiet despite the sand. 

There was so much of it,  the sand. The lady in white – Doctor Ava Paige – had said in her video that the whole world was just desert now. The thought made Y/N yearn for the Glade even more. For the grass, and the woods, and the bonfires they used to have, and the games they played. The boys – Clint, Jeff, Alby, Gally, Chuck. 

Y/N wasn’t a hateful person, but she clutched the knife tighter at the thought of all the loss they’d all suffered at the hands of WCKD. 

It’s why she didn’t hesitate to follow Newt when he’d found her in her room – for some reason, she hadn’t been allowed to stay with the other girls from the other mazes just yet. It’s why they were now braving the Scorch searching for people that Thomas didn’t know even existed. They wanted a better life out from under WCKD’s thumb.

The crunch of sand had her whirling around, awkwardly poising the knife as if to attack, but she relaxed at the familiar person standing there.

Newt raised his hands in mock surrender. ‘Whoa there,’ he said, the quirk of a smile on his lips telling her he was just joking. ‘You could do some real damage if you’re not careful.’

Y/N blew out in relief, the knife dropping to her side again. ‘Thanks, but we both know that’s not the case, Newt.’

Newt shoved his hands in his jacket pocket, shrugging his shoulders as he did. ‘I don’t know, I’ve seen you with a scalpel. Absolutely terrifyingly precise with that thing.’

Y/N chuckled softly, appreciative of the distraction. But her smile dropped as she looked out into the dark cityscape. The moon hid behind clouds so Y/N couldn’t make out anything. ‘Is it pathetic that I’m scared to see what the world has become?’ she asked, not daring to raise her voice above a soft mumble.

Newt stepped up beside her, his body radiating the last remnants of heat from the fire and it warmed her slightly. ’Someone once told me that I was brave for facing my fear,’ he said after some quiet contemplation. 

Y/N looked up at him confused, but he looked down at her with a knowing, smug smile. Much to her chagrin, she couldn’t help but chuckle and shake her head at him. ‘I don’t recall saying that specifically. But if that’s how you saw it, who am I to tell you that wasn’t what I meant?’

Newt hummed in agreement looking back out at the dark expanse, contemplation scrunching his brows together. ‘I’ll be honest with you, I’m scared too.’

That surprised Y/N. Newt, second-in-command, casual, leader Newt was scared? ‘You are?’

Newt nodded. ‘I’m scared that we’ve made a mistake. That Thomas is wrong and there aren’t any mountain people.’ He turned back to Y/N, the most serious she’d ever seen him. ‘I’m scared we’re going to lose more of us, and then what was our escape for? But… it’s not my place to take away hope when the others are so full of it. Including myself.’ Finally, Newt’s smile returned, and it warmed that cold pit of despair Y/N had been falling into ever since they left the WCKD facility. ‘Or, at least, I think that’s what someone very wise once told me.’

Y/N stared at him, awestruck. Hopeful. Newt was hopeful again. And she didn’t want to read into it, but she thought the knowing smile he was giving her told her that she had something to do with it. The thought alone strengthened her resolve, and she looked down at the knife in her hands, less afraid of it all of a sudden.

Y/N held it out to Newt. ’Teach me.’

He raised an eyebrow in a silent question. ‘What?’

’Teach me. How to fight,’ Y/N explained, eyes unwavering from his. 

Concern flashed across Newt’s face for a brief moment. ‘Y/N, I told you, you don’t have to fight if you don’t want to.’

‘If there is one thing I’ve come to know about WCKD is that it doesn’t actually matter what I want anymore. What any of us want,’ Y/N said, feeling the most certain she’s felt in a long time. ‘The one thing we have on WCKD is that we are defiant. We escaped, and are taking away the one thing they want most of all: a chance to find a cure. So, if we’re going to have any hopes of making it to the mountains alive, I’m going to have to know how to fight. So please – teach me.’

Newt contemplated her for a moment, and Y/N just prayed he wouldn’t say no. Or even worse, laugh. Instead of doing either, he took the knife from Y/N’s hand, his fingers brushing across her palm as he did. 

‘All right,’ he said, moving his feet apart to get into a fighting stance. ‘First of all, you’ve got to have a wide-ish stance, and stay light on your toes so you can control when you back away from your opponent.’ 

He demonstrated the movement by quickly shuffling away, always keeping his feet a certain distance apart and the knife gripped tight by his hip. ‘…and when you go into attack.’ He moved so fast Y/N didn’t see his footwork, her eyes locked on his as they bored into hers, knife poised at her neck as if he’d strike.

He stepped away and gave her the knife back. ‘You think you can do that?’

Y/N nodded and took the knife, and for the next hour Newt taught Y/N basic blocks and manoeuvres that he’d picked up from Thomas and Minho and just from basic instinct. Just like she’d been with her Medjack skills, Y/N was a quick study, performing move after move when Newt asked her to. 

She impressed herself. For a natural pacifist, she wielded the knife quite fluently.

They decided to finish the session on a quick sparring match. Newt took a swipe at Y/N, and she stepped back just like Newt had taught her. She then rushed in for an attack, to which Newt threw up his own knife in time to block. Y/N anticipated the pushback and twisted out of Newt’s way as he stumbled slightly forward. While he was disorientated, Y/N gripped his wrist that controlled his knife and pointed her own into his back. 

‘Looks like I win,’ she said, breathless but proud.

Y/N didn’t like the carefree scoff he gave her, followed by, ‘Are you sure?’

She doubted herself for a moment, loosening her grip enough for him to twist out of her reach, knock her knife away and bend to sweep her legs out from underneath her. Y/N landed hard, groaning at the pain in her butt as Newt looked down at her and laughed. 

‘I’m glad you find my pain amusing, Newt,’ she grumbled, rubbing her sore behind.

Newt laughed for a moment longer then calmed down. But his radiant smile remained on his face, brightening the darkness surrounding them. ‘I’m sorry, love,’ he said between remaining chuckles. To his credit, he held out his hand in an offer to help her up. ’But the surprise on your face was priceless.’

Y/N contemplated his hand for a moment, whether she should just push it away or take it. Instead, an idea came to mind, and she gripped his hand tightly then pulled him to the ground with her. He landed on his stomach beside her, getting a face full of sand.

Y/N let out a loud laugh before quickly covering her mouth to stifle the relentless laughter that wished to burst from her. 

Newt spat and coughed out sand as he made to sit up. ‘Well,’ he started, spitting out more sand as he looked up at Y/N, ‘I should’ve seen that coming.’

That just made Y/N laugh even harder, using now both hands to quieten the giggles. Goodness, when was the last time she’d laughed this freely? When was the last time she’d felt such joy? After everything they’d been through, Y/N was worried she’d forgotten what was like to laugh.

When she’d calmed down, she looked down to see Newt propped up on his arms looking up at her with an odd expression on his face. Like he was in awe, maybe. Whatever it was, it made Y/N acknowledge how handsome Newt had become. His baby features had faded since she’d first met him, being replaced by a lean figure and a toned jawline from working in the gardens every day for two years. And with his big brown eyes, tousled blond hair and funny accent, Y/N wondered how he had changed so much without her realising it. How she hadn’t realised he’d grown up.

The intensity with which he looked at her brought a heated blush to her face, and so she turned away into the cool night breeze, willing the blush to cool down. Newt shuffled to sit up next to her. They didn’t speak for a minute, until Newt suddenly stood up. 

‘Well, um,’ he started, and for the first time since Y/N had known him, he sounded uncertain about what to say. ‘I better let you continue with your shift. At least you know how to defend yourself now.’

Y/N hastily stood up as well, making sure there was at least a step between them. ‘Yes!’ she said. ‘Thank you for that. I’ll be sure to practice.’

‘Good that.’ 

They looked at each other for a moment, and even though Newt said he was leaving, he made no move to leave. Maybe he doesn’t want to, she thought, and the mere possibility of that being true warmed her heart.

But he took a step away, gave her a shy smile and a small wave farewell. ‘Goodnight, Y/N.’

‘Goodnight Newt,’ she said, those two words hanging in the air long after he’d left.

As she finally woke Frypan up for his shift, she clung to the knife and went through all the manoeuvres Newt had taught her until she fell asleep. 

Newt was unable to sleep until Y/N woke Frypan up to take the next watch shift, and laid down to sleep herself. Newt opened his eyes to see Y/N laying across the pit they’d dug out for the fire. She faced him on her side, and Newt noticed with curiosity that she held the knife she’d practiced with close to her chest. Her chest rose and fell rhythmically, and paired with her heavy breathing, Newt figured she was completely asleep. 

An odd sensation fluttered in his chest and stomach as Newt considered Y/N’s sleeping face. It was the same feeling that had fizzled in his chest when he’d looked up at her as she laughed. He couldn’t remember the last time any of them had laughed as freely as she had. 

And he couldn’t help but admire how beautiful she looked doing so – hiding her bright smile behind trembling hands, eyes narrowed but sparkling with joy. 

All because of him.

He rolled onto his back then, not wanting to give the thought anymore weight. There’s no point getting your hopes up, he reminded himself. But like a moth drawn to flame, Newt couldn’t help but tilt his head to gaze upon her peacefully sleeping. An ache carved itself deep in his heart. How had he not realised her growing up, changing? Being the only girl for a long time, of course he and the others found her pretty. But now that he looked at her – really looked at her, and wasn’t concerned with his life for just a split second – he realised just how beautiful she was. 

It was in her features, but also in her determination to be better for the group. It both hurt and impressed him when she asked for his help. He promised her she would never have to fight again, but things have changed drastically since the Maze.

It was in her ability to still find the joy in things, to still be able to laugh despite their situation.

It was how she believed in Thomas, in Aris, in the mountain people, even if she was scared. 

‘The rest of us can only wish to be as brave as you,’ he whispered into the night, a silent promise that he’d tell her that sometime. 

And with the fluttering in his chest finally easing into a calm warmth, he finally fell asleep.

~

Everything exploded with chaos as Y/N, Newt, Thomas, and Minho navigated their way through the Right Arm camp as guns fired and explosions went off. 

Teresa had betrayed them. Y/N couldn’t believe it when it was revealed in front of everyone, and she still couldn’t believe it as Minho pushed her head down, sheltering her from another explosion. Teresa truly believed WCKD could find a cure, but still at the expanse of Y/N and her friends’ pain. And just when Thomas was going to blow them all sky high, Jorge and Brenda had come in like a saving grace, and that’s when all hell broke loose.

‘This way!’ Thomas yelled over the din, beckoning them behind a weapons container.

However, Minho stopped suddenly and picked up a launcher. Keep going!’ Minho called over his shoulder as he shot at WCKD soldiers around him. ‘I’m right behind you!’

Thomas and Newt reached the container, but Y/N stopped and turned at the sound of a painful cry. ‘Minho!’ she cried as her friend fell, his body convulsing from a launcher shot. 

‘Y/N, no!’ Newt called after her, but she was already running back to Minho, grabbing at his jacket to drag him to safety. 

But Y/N was not strong like the boys, and certainly not strong enough to move Minho in any hurry. She looked up just in time to see a launcher fire at her, then her body felt like it was on fire. 

She was sure she was screaming, but she couldn’t hear anything as the electricity struck every nerve with a vicious bite. After what felt like an eternity of pain, she was granted a moment of peace as her vision went white, then in a flash was swamped by darkness.

Newt’s heart stopped when he saw Y/N shot. She convulsed as Minho had, then collapsed beside their friend unconscious. The second Y/N hit the ground, Newt found his voice again, feelings of anger and desperation clawing their way through every vein in him.

‘Y/N, no!’ His cry came out broken as he made to run to her, but a strong hand gripped the back of his jacket and pulled him back. 

‘No, boys,’ Vince shouted over the din, holding both Newt and Thomas back. 

‘Let me go!’ Newt protested, struggling against Vince, eyes darting between him and Y/N. ‘I need to help her! Y/N!’

But WCKD soldiers were already picking up Y/N and Minho’s unconscious bodies, dragging their feet through the red dirt and into a berg.

‘I’m sorry, son,’ Vince said, and Newt thought he sounded genuine. But that didn’t stop icy terror gripping tight on his heart as the doors began to close on Y/N, Minho, and other immunes from the Right Arm.

Thomas called for Minho, and Newt called for Y/N, but neither could do anything to help their friends as they were flown away. Back in WCKD’s clutches once again.

When the sun rose, the remaining survivors came out of hiding and began scrounging up supplies. They were moving on, Vince claiming there was nothing they could do but keep going with who and what they had left.

Newt couldn’t accept that, and neither could Thomas apparently, as he claimed he was going after Minho, Y/N and the others. Without hesitation or any further explanation, Newt was the first to sign up and join him.

And so, they went on a quest to rescuing Minho, Y/N, and as many immunes as possible. The train hijack was a huge success with immune numbers, but no Minho and no Y/N. Even so, Newt refused to accept that he’d never see either of them again. Even when they almost got killed by cranks. Even when he, Thomas, Brenda, Frypan, and Jorge were almost blown up by turret guns.

Even when he found out he was infected with the Flare.

He could feel it, his mind slowly slipping away as the Flare ate away at his sanity. He was usually level-headed and rational – it’s part of the reason he became second-in-command in the first place. Guilt and shame ate away at him as he sat on the rooftop of their hideout in the outskirts of the Last City, explaining to Thomas why he just bit his head off about being in love with Teresa.

Not that I’m one to talk, he thought as he rolled down as his sleeve, silence wrapping around him and Thomas comfortably. Newt could feel Thomas didn’t know what to say, and Newt didn’t like long silences so he broke it.

‘The crazy thing, though is…’ Newt started, a soft but sad scoff escaping him, ‘I’m not scared of dying. I used to be, back in the Maze. Because it felt like my friends were dying for no reason, without purpose. But…’ Newt looked over his shoulder, past Thomas, and to the peaking spires of the Last City. To where Y/N was being held somewhere.

‘I have something to die for now,’ Newt said, eyes never wavering from the spires.

Thomas came to sit beside Newt, a sad realisation drawing his brows and lips down. ‘You’re not just talking about Minho, are you?’ he asked.

It was how gentle and matter-of-fact Thomas spoke that had Newt’s chest tightening with fear and an immense pressure he’d been scared, until now, to acknowledge. His throat threatened to close on him as he spoke, rendering his words tight and uncontrolled. ‘I failed to protect her, Tommy,’ he managed to get out. ‘I promised I’d always protect her, and I didn’t.’ 

It surprised Newt how simultaneously hard and easy it was to speak about his feelings, and now that he had started, the words just flowed. 

’She’s just always been there, so I never saw it coming,’ Newt continued, a melancholic smile adorning his lips as he recalls the day he met you, how you helped him with his ankle. How, since then, you’ve always been by his side, growing with him, changing with him, supporting him and everyone else around you. 

’Saw what?’ Thomas asked.

‘I never saw that I could have a future after the Maze, after all of this,’ Newt explained. ‘That I would want a future… with Y/N.’ And with that, his tears finally spilled over, the pressure in his chest bursting into sobs that wracked his whole body. Newt was vaguely aware that Thomas was now holding him, and so he wrapped his arms tight around his friend, around his brother.

‘I love her, Tommy,’ Newt whispered over Thomas’ shoulder, his words obscured somewhat by his tears and holding back sobs. ‘And I’m scared I’ll never be able to tell her before I go.’

‘Hey,’ Thomas said, pushing Newt to arm’s length. He kept one hand on Newt’s shoulder and used his other to grip Newt’s neck, forcing their eyes to lock. ‘We’re going to find her – and Minho, and the other immunes. We’re going to get you that serum that helps with the Flare – as much of it as possible – and you’re going to tell her. You’re not dying. No one is dying. You hear me?’

No one could replace Alby, but the way Thomas was taking control of the situation reminded Newt of his old friend. How kind yet stern he could be. How hopeful yet pragmatic he was. It was something familiar that Newt was thankful for. He quickly calmed down, wiped away his tears and nodded at Thomas.

‘Good that,’ Thomas said, a small proud smile gracing his lips at his use of Newt’s common phrase. 

Newt couldn’t help a chuckle as well. ‘Good that, indeed,’ he agreed, and followed Thomas back inside the hideout to finalise their plan to get into the WCKD facility.

…and you’re going to tell her. You’re not dying. 

There was a nagging voice in the back of Newt’s head that was telling him not to believe Thomas. That Newt was going to die, or worse, turn into a crank and hurt his loved ones. That voice had followed him from the Maze, to the Scorch, and now the Last City. It was the voice that had driven him over the edge of the Maze walls all those years ago. But not anymore.

Newt had to keep hope, just as Y/N had taught him. He just had to be brave.

~

Y/N sat in the corner of her white-walled cell, hugging her knees to her chest as she rested her head on top. She’d sat there for hours, perhaps days. Y/N lost track of time after her first month in WCKD’s facility. 

There were no windows, and the lights never dimmed. She pressed her eyes into her knees in the hopes of downing out the incessant white light. Her eyes ached with sleep deprivation, but she refused to sleep. The nightmares were much worse to deal with, and they always came whenever she closed her eyes.

Images of her friends dying in the Maze and the Scorch, of Grievers chasing her, of her friends turning into cranks and attacking her. Images fed to her by WCKD. 

She knew they weren’t real, but she could never wake herself up in time to escape them. So, she stayed awake, knowing that she’ll have no choice but to face her nightmares when the doctors and scientists come to test on her again.

Y/N shivered at the thought of seeing another needle, of seeing her blood drained from her while WCKD turned her mind against her. When will it be enough? She might’ve lost track of time, but Y/N knew she’d been in the facility for a while now. If they hadn’t found anything by now, something told Y/N that nothing she gave would ever be enough. That included her life.

She knew Thomas and Newt would be dumb enough to come after her and Minho – that’s just the kind of people they were. Her heart ached at the thought that their efforts would be in vain. 

Y/N hadn’t seen Minho since they arrived, having been separated from each other and the other immunes. Something about how they were the most promising subjects, she overheard from a scientist one time. Y/N didn’t know if Minho was alive, and if he was, what condition he was in. 

But Minho was strong, the strongest of all the Gladers in Y/N’s opinion. If he was being tortured like her, he would be able to hold on. Y/N highly doubted she would last much longer.

The rest of us can only hope to be as brave as you…

Y/N wasn’t sure if Newt knew she was actually awake that first night in the Scorch, but she’d heard him, his words so soft she thought she’d dreamt it at first. But it had been real; Newt thought she was brave.

She was too dehydrated to produce tears, but an ugly sob desperately tried to escape her aching chest. She bit her lips instead, hard enough to draw a little blood, and the sob died out, leaving her body quiet except for her mind.

I’m sorry Newt, but I am not brave.

Even so, Y/N refused to crumble to WCKD anymore. They’d taken everything from her. Her life, her memories, her loved ones, her friends. Even her hope – something she so naively believed no one could take from her. They would not take her dignity.

She raised her head at the sound of her cell door unlocking, blinking a few times as bright light flooded her vision once more. Two WCKD soldiers and two scientists stood by the door, and Y/N spied a gurney just behind them. 

One of the scientists – young male, maybe in his early twenties – stepped forward. ‘Time for more testing, Y/N,’ he said in a cold tone. But he had the sense to look sympathetic as his eyes roamed over Y/N as she stood up, showing how pale her S/C skin had become, how dark the circles beneath her eyes were, how the cargo pants and grey t-shirt hung off her in areas where she used to fill.

Y/N knew it was useless, but still she ran for the door, pushing past the scientists with ease despite her weakened state. However, she hit the soldiers like a brick wall, unable to fight against them as they restrained her arms and pressed her against the wall. The male scientist recovered quickly and injected her with a serum that made her drowsy enough that she wasn’t in control of her body. She was conscious as the soldiers strapped her to the gurney and the four of them wheeled her down corridor after corridor, and all she could do was watch fluorescent lights pass her by as she stared at the ceiling. 

Soon enough, she was in a familiar room: the test lab. 

‘It hasn’t been that long since we last tested her,’ the other scientist – a female, about the same age as her co-worker – said, her words laced with worry. ‘We put her under again, we risk losing her for good this time.’

‘I didn’t make the call,’ the male said as he continued to set up equipment around Y/N. ‘When Janson says he wants a cure, I don’t question him. Do you?’

The female didn’t answer, switching her focus to helping her co-worker. Y/N could slowly feel the serum wearing off – it was obviously only a light dose, the scientists knowing they’d put her under when they began testing. 

But just as they unstrapped her to move her to the nightmare simulator, the room shook, sending Y/N rolling to the ground as glass and steel broke around her. 

Sounds were muffled briefly and her vision blurred in and out of focus. She couldn’t hear what exactly the soldiers were shouting, but she saw them run out of the room alongside other soldiers. That just left her and the scientists. 

Y/N flexed her fingers, the serum completely wearing off. Before she could stand though, two hands roughly grabbed her arms and hauled her to her feet. ‘Come on, Y/N,’ the male scientist said, pushing her towards the machine. ‘Just one more trip under…’

Fear electrified Y/N’s every nerve. No, not again. With a desperate cry, she shoved the male into the utensils table, sending him and the tools scattering across the ground. Before he could get up, Y/N straddled his upper body and slammed his arms into the ground.

‘Get off me!’ he yelled, struggling violently beneath Y/N. He managed to twist them both around until she was the one pinned to the ground. Y/N struggled but to no avail. She was significantly weaker than she was when she was first captured and he knew that.

‘You little brat,’ he spat in her face. ‘Ungrateful, selfish immunes. Your duty is to save us all! You–’

He was cut off when he suddenly went slack, falling unconscious on top of Y/N. She scrambled out from underneath him, then looked up from the floor to find the female scientist with a syringe in her hand. She looked between her unconscious co-worker then Y/N, a scared and disbelieving expression morphing her delicate features. 

‘Go,’ the scientist finally said, her voice shaky, but the resolve in her eyes told Y/N that she wouldn’t chase after her. The room – no, the whole building – shook again, and when Y/N looked out the window, she realised why.

The city outside was on fire. Buildings crumbled, and Y/n could hear the screams and cries of civilians through the broken windows. The scientist wouldn’t chase her because there was no point. 

This was the end.

‘Go!’ The scientist insisted, and Y/N didn’t think twice. She picked herself up, ignoring the cuts and scraps of glass it caused her, and ran out of the room.

She ran into the corridor, ignoring the cries of soldiers and other scientists who recognised her as a subject. She didn’t know where she was going, but this was the most freedom she’d had in forever.

Then a thought came to her – Minho. She had to find him, he surely had to be alive. She would run through every floor if she had to to find him. So she ran, looking into every test lab, every storage closest, every break room on the floor. 

‘Minho!’ she cried, uncaring at this point if someone heard her. She just wanted to find him. She didn’t want to die without a familiar face with her. ‘Minho, where are you?’

She rounded a corner, right into the chest of a WCKD soldier. He was caught by surprise, giving Y/N an opportunity to slam him into the wall. It was like her fear was giving her a boost of strength, as she kneed him in the groin, sending him to the ground. He dropped the pistol he was holding, and she quickly picked it up and smacked the butt over the back of his head. He fell to the floor in one last scuffle and laid unmoving as Y/N sucked in deep breaths.

‘Y/N?’

She whirled around at the familiar call of her name, only to find three other people had entered the corridor. Thomas, Minho, and Newt. Her eyes scanned over them all, heart aching with an intense relief it threatened to crush her chest. ‘Guys?’ Her voice was hoarse with disuse and exhaustion. She was surprised she even had a voice after all her screaming.

Newt stepped forward, a relieved smile gracing his lips. ‘Yeah, love,’ he said, sounding on the verge of tears. ‘It’s us.’

Y/N’s first instinct was to run into his arms, the only place she’d felt since leaving the Maze. But she took a closer look at him. He was paler than when she last saw him, almost sickly with how dark the circles under his eyes were. Crank.

She pointed the pistol at her friends, causing them to raise their hands in shock. ‘Whoa, Y/N, it’s us!’ Thomas exclaimed.

‘No,’ she said, her voice cracking ever so slightly. ‘How do I know I’m not in that simulator again? How do I know this isn’t just another test, another trial?’

‘What are you talking about, Y/N?’ Newt asked, worry crinkling his brow. 

’She doesn’t trust her mind,’ Minho said, as if in explanation. ‘Boy, they really did a number on her…’

‘Shut up!’ Y/N unlocked the safety and pointed the gun at Minho. ‘You’re just trying to trick me. Make me think everything is all right. But it’s just a lie. You’re not here. You’re not here…’

Newt stepped into the firing line. ‘We are here, love. I promise, we’re really here.’

‘Newt…’ Thomas warned, but Newt remained, eyes locked on Y/N’s.

Y/N couldn’t look away from Newt. He sounded so genuine, so much more real than previous simulations. But WCKD couldn’t be trusted, and they were wearing soldier uniforms…

Her hands shook but her voice was strong. ‘Prove it,’ she said. ’Tell me something only the real Newt would know.’

Newt swallowed thickly. ‘Okay, um… You cut yourself when you tried out being a Slicer and had to have Clint and Jeff fix you up. That’s when you thought being a Medjack would be a good idea.’

‘WCKD was watching us the whole time. They would’ve seen that,’ she countered, using both hands to grip the gun. 

‘Okay, okay,’ Newt said, looking away a moment to think of something else. When he finally looked back at her, he was calm once more, eyes genuine and sincere. ‘How about how I jumped off the walls of the Maze in an attempt to kill myself?’

The world around the four of them seemed to freeze, as if the world wasn’t collapsing outside. To Y/N’s knowledge, Newt had never told anyone the truth of what happened that day. It was the shocked and tragic expressions on both Minho and Thomas’ faces respectively that had Y/N loosening her grip on the gun slightly.

Newt took a small step closer, eyes never straying from her. ‘I had lost all hope of getting out of that bloody maze. So I did the one thing I could do to control the situation. But I failed.’ He stepped closer again. ‘I was embarrassed, ashamed. I was just a coward. But you healed me and told me something I will never forget. I have held onto it like a lifeline through the Maze, through the Scorch, and all the time I was looking for you.’

He took one final step towards her, unfazed at how the gun pressed hard against his chest. Now that he was so close, Y/N saw just how sick he was. He looked like the early stage victims of the Flare they’d seen in the decrepit city they’d lost Brenda and Thomas in temporarily. And while Y/N refused to believe Newt – her beloved, sweet Newt – was infected, his eyes were the same as always. Open, honest, and truthful.

‘The rest of us can only hope to be as brave as you.’

It wasn’t the fact that he knew the exact words – again, WCKD had cameras everywhere in that Maze, they would’ve heard it. It was instead the emotion tied to the words. She felt them, felt the lifeline they’d created for him in his darkest moment. He wasn’t lying, and that meant he was real.

Finally, she allowed the sob to break free as she dropped the gun and threw her arms around Newt’s neck. He breathed out in relief, bringing her closer to his chest, face pressed into her H/C hair.

‘It’s really you,’ she whimpered, grasping tighter to the person she’s always been able to rely on. The person who has always protected her and brought out the best in her. Her closest friend, her safety net, her home. 

‘It is, love,’ he said into her hair, breathing her in deeply. ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you before.’

‘It’s okay,’ she said, pulling away to look up at him then to the other two. ‘I can’t believe you came after us.’

‘I know right,’ Minho said, punching Thomas’ arm lightly. ‘Dumb shanks.’

‘You can berate us later,’ Thomas said, rubbing his arm. ‘Right now, we’ve got to get out of here before Lawrence brings down the whole city.’

Y/N went to ask what he meant but gripped onto Newt instead as the building shook again.

‘Come on, let’s go,’ Newt said, grabbing Y/N’s hand with one hand, and holding a launcher in the other. Together, the four of them ran to escape WCKD once and for all.

~

‘Brenda!’

Y/N didn’t care about the rain of bullets and walls of fire around her as she ran for the berg. After hearing Teresa’s broadcast, she needed to get the cure back to Newt fast. Leaving him was one of the hardest things she has had to do. He wasn’t in great condition, but Thomas insisted that he’d take care of Newt. But the medicine Thomas had given Brenda all those months ago didn’t just buy her time, it had cured her completely. It could do the same for Newt.

If she could make it in time.

‘Brenda!’ Y/N cried as she spotted her friend. ‘The cure! I need the cure!’

Brenda understood, immediately retrieving one of the extra capsules Mary had made from Thomas’ blood before WCKD raided the camp. ‘Here,’ she said, passing over the injector. 

‘Thanks!’ Y/N said, already sprinting back into the war zone before anyone could stop her. 

She could feel it, the exhaustion, the strain she was putting her body under. Underfed and under trained, she was struggling. But she refused to stop. Newt had come all this way to find her, risked his life to get her out of WCKD’s clutches when he could’ve been administered the temporary cure and been safe on the berg already. No, Y/N refused to let him die without trying.

Minho, Brenda, Frypan, and Gally – Y/N was still shocked about that revelation, but that was for another time to discuss - followed around her, covering her with guns and other weapons as they ran through the war zone.

After an eternity of running, the group rounded a corner to find a sight that made Y/N feel like she was back in the nightmare simulator. Newt was leaning over Thomas with a knife aimed at his chest.

‘Newt, no!’ Y/N cried, running towards the two boys without thought. 

Newt faced her at the call of his name, and she froze as she saw his black eyes. Dark veins branched over his skin and black blood dribbled from his chin. He was a full-blown crank now. 

He raced at her, snarling as he swung the knife at her throat. She ducked just in time and rolled away as he slammed the knife down where her neck was. She quickly jumped to her feet, and despite her fatigue, muscle memory took over her legs, then her hands. That first night in the Scorch came to mind, how her and Newt sparred. The injector was her knife, and Newt her proper opponent.

‘Newt, it’s me,’ she said, slipping into her Medjack demeanour – calm and steady. ‘It’s Y/N. Please, snap out of it for a moment so I can help you.’

She thought he would run at her again, but his brows crinkled with concern and he looked at the knife in his shaky hands. He looked back at her, and the voice he spoke with broke her heart. It was a mixture of his sweet accent and a gargled croak where blood clogged his throat. 

‘Y/N…’ he started. ‘Run away… Before… Before I kill you.’

The scene reminded her of the time he came in with his injured ankle. How desperate he was to fade into nothing because he was scared and ashamed of what he’d done. But just like then, she refused to be scared of him. 

Y/N shook her head. ‘I’m not leaving you, Newt,’ she said. ‘None of us will.’

Newt seemed to realise there were more people than just her and Thomas, turning around to see the others. The sight of them seemed to distress him, though, as he snarled angrily and charged at her. She shuffled back as he swung at her again and again, but as she stepped back again, she tripped on something. She fell onto her back, knocking the air out of her lungs. Before she could gather herself up, Newt was on her, straddling her similar to how he had Thomas pinned before. Newt raised the knife to bring down on her but was tackled by Thomas.

They rolled for a little, then scrambled to their feet as they fought once more. This was Y/N’s only chance. She pushed herself up and ran for the boys, injector at the ready. Newt was bringing the knife forward in a wide arc that would gut Thomas when Y/N threw herself in between them, slamming the injector into Newt’s arm.

Right as his drove the knife into her stomach.

‘Y/N!’ 

She wasn’t sure who called her name, because all she could focus on was Newt as some of the blackness in his eyes cleared and she saw some of his gorgeous brown eyes. She also felt her body finally giving up. As if it knew that this was the end. After all the torture and pain, she had stayed alive so long for one reason. To save Newt – the boy who had been there from the start. So much so she hadn’t realised until he wasn’t there how much he meant to her. How he’d wormed his way into her heart and consumed it without her even knowing. 

She gripped his hand that held the knife in her stomach, unfurled his fingers from the handle, and brought them to her chest where her heart was slowly slowing down. Her weak legs gave out, and she brought Newt down to his knees with her. She could’ve been imagining things, but she swore she saw recognition in his half-black eyes which made her smile as tears finally fell from her eyes.

‘It’s okay, Newt,’ she whispered. ‘It’s okay because… I love you.’

Her vision blurred and she finally let go of Newt as the both of them collapsed to the ground. Her breaths were short and sharp as the pain made itself known. A rush of feet thumped around her, and she had the slightest awareness that someone was moving her, but she didn’t care. She was finally at peace as darkness, at last, consumed her.

~

Y/N woke to the sound of waves rolling over on sand. The first thing she saw was grey canvas, then rolled her head around to see she was lying on a cot in a small tent with tables and medical supplies similar to how her Medjack hut looked. But she wasn’t alone.

‘Oh my God.’ Brenda’s face came into focus as the girl crouched by Y/N’s cot, disbelief and relief morphing her gentle features. ‘You’re awake! You’re finally awake!’

‘Ow,’ Y/N clasped at her head at the sudden loudness. ‘Could you lower your voice please?’

‘Yes, right, sorry,’ Brenda said, but her lips split in a bright smile as she helped Y/N sit up. ‘I’m just so happy you’re okay.’

‘What happened?’ Y/N asked, all she remembered was being stabbed then falling unconscious. She pulled up her fresh linen shirt to see her wound bandaged. ‘I thought I was done for.’

‘So did all of us,’ Brenda admitted, her tone sombre as she pulled up a seat beside the cot. ‘We got you to the berg as quickly as possible and Vince got you stable, but you just weren’t waking up. It’s been a week.’

‘A week?’ Y/N made to get up but sat back down as her wound pulled in an unpleasant way.

‘Whoa, where do you think you’re going?’ Brenda asked stabilising Y/N back in her bed. ‘You’ve just come out of a coma induced by physical and mental torture. Not to mention you were stabbed.’

‘I’m fine. Trust me, I’m trained… somewhat,’ Y/N said, this time able to swing her legs over the side of her cot. Brenda didn’t try and stop her, but she did have to help Y/N when she stood. ‘Now, where is Newt?’ Brenda didn’t answer right away, and tears threatened to pool in Y/N’s eyes at what her silence could mean. ‘Brenda… Is he… Is he alive?’

Brenda, again, didn’t answer, and her face didn’t give anything away either. Instead, she just held back the flap of the tent and motioned for Y/N to exit. Y/N took cautious steps forward as she followed Brenda into a completely new place that had her staring in awe.

It was a bustling camp where sleeping quarters and other spaces were mapped out by canvas strung up on carved wood pillars and posts. Y/N spied a kitchen area where she swore she heard Frypan laughing with some others. 

There was a gathering area where a giant stone stood in front of the seats. There were names carved into it, like what they used to do in the Glade. Y/N tried to make out if a certain blonde’s name was on it. She caught familiar names like Alby and Chuck, Clint and Jeff. 

‘Y/N?’ 

She swung around to find Brenda smiling as she was joined by Thomas, Minho, and Jorge. The three of them ran at her, arms wide open to capture her in a hug.

‘You crazy shank, Minho said, laughter on his lips. ‘Look who finally decided to join the living again.’

‘And here I thought I was the lazy slinthead for sleeping for so long,’ Thomas said jokingly, pulling Y/N in for another hug. ’I’m so relieved.’

‘Welcome back, hermana,’ Jorge said, a warm smile gracing his lips as he gave her a comforting pat on the shoulder.

‘Good to be back,’ Y/N replied, smiling at the three males. ‘What happened after I thought I’d died?’

Thomas went to reply, but Minho cut in. ‘We’ll explain later. Right now, I think you should go say hi to someone else.’

Confused, Y/N followed Minho’s gaze to Brenda, who stood atop a hill and was staring over the other side of it. Y/N quickly reached Brenda’s position and followed her gaze to a large garden that people were working on. But her breath caught at the sight of a familiar blond at the edge of the gardens talking and pointing in all directions to people.

‘Hey, Newt!’ Brenda called out, causing the blond to turn around and look up. At first, he saw Brenda, but his gaze soon fell on Y/N and his whole face changed into disbelief.

With the other gardeners forgotten, he started climbing up the hill, and Y/N couldn’t wait another moment so she started walking down the hill. 

They met in the middle, with Y/N standing at Newt’s height on the uphill. Neither said anything to begin with, both in disbelief and awe at who stood in front of them. Y/N looked over Newt, noting he still looked pale and somewhat sickly. But the dark veins were gone, as was the black blood and his black eyes. And the sun shone so brightly that his hair looked golden. It was as if he was never infected to begin with.

With a shaky hand, she reached out to rest her hand over his beating heart. ‘You’re alive,’ she whispered, too scared to voice it too loudly in case this was also another nightmare. 

But he proved her doubts wrong as he rested his own hand on top of hers. ‘I am,’ he said, and the usual warmth of his voice truly convinced her he was real. 

His face pinched suddenly with concern and guilt. ‘I’m so sorry, Y/N,’ he said, his hand tightening slightly over hers. ‘I hurt you. I almost…’

‘It’s okay,’ she interrupted, using her free hand to cradle is cheek and keep his eyes on her. ‘You didn’t. I am here, too. Looks like we both saved each other.’

To her relief Newt smiled. It was a genuine, happy smile, something she hadn’t seen on him in a long time. He nuzzled into her hand briefly, before bringing it down with his free hand so he held her hands between them. 

‘Before I passed out,’ he started, ‘I remember you saying something.’

‘Oh.’ A blush heated upon her cheeks, but she refused to look away from him. ‘Right. I did say something.’

She was trying to play it cool, but as soon as his deep brown eyes fixed on her, she knew he could see right through her. But he didn’t smile smugly, he didn’t tease. He actually looked scared as his jaw clenched, fighting to find the next words to speak. 

‘You said you love me,’ he finally said, words tight but hopeful. ‘Is that true?’

Y/N’s mouth dried up suddenly, constricted by all the things she wished to say but couldn’t say all at once. It’s not like she was scared, she just never thought she would live long enough to have a future, let alone one with love. One with Newt.

But she had – she had survived WCKD’s cruelty, she had survived the terrors of the old world, she had survived when so many of her friends hadn’t. And it was her duty to live her gift of a life to the fullest.

‘Yes,’ she finally said, and it was like breathing in fresh air after being underground for so long. ‘I love you, Newt. I don’t know when or how it happened, but I do. I love you.’ 

There was a second of hesitation, but then Newt broke out into a wide smile, and Y/N swore she saw tears brim in his eyes. He suddenly reached one hand up to cradle her neck as he pulled Y/N in for a sweet kiss that simultaneously knocked the air out of her and breathed new life into her. He held her neck and hip, and she pressed her hands against his chest, satisfied to feel his heart thundering beneath her hands. The heart that almost never beat again, the heart that had saved her over and over again. 

The kiss was short but was no less breath-taking, and when they pulled apart neither could stop the smiles on their faces. 

‘I love you, too,’ Newt said. ‘If that wasn’t already obvious.’

Y/N threw her head back in a hearty laugh. She slung her arms around Newt’s neck, a cheeky grin dancing across her lips. ‘I’m not so sure. Maybe we could try that again to make sure?’

‘Cheeky bugger,’ he murmured as he pressed his lips to hers again. Y/N sighed into the kiss, grasping the baby hairs at the base of his head. 

They pulled apart at the sound of their friends whooping and clapping atop the hill. Y/N felt her face erupt with embarrassed heat, to which Newt laughed as she ducked her head into his chest. 

‘All right, come on lovebirds!’ Minho called out. ‘Dinner’s almost ready.’

As they walked down out of sight, Y/N went to follow but was stopped by a loose grip on her wrist.

‘What is it?’ she asked as she turned back to Newt.

‘I just…’ Newt turned to the gardens below, then to the water, then to the sunset that bathed the whole camp in beautiful hues of orange, pink and purple. When he finally turned back to Y/N, she thought he couldn’t look any more handsome with that pure sunshine smile and sparkle in his eyes. ‘Thanks.’

‘For what?’ she asked.

‘For teaching me how to be brave,’ he answered.

Y/N gave his hand a squeeze. ‘You were always brave, Newt,’ she said. ‘It’s how I learned how to be brave in the first place.’

Newt squeezed her hand in return, then they walked hand in hand back up the hill and down to dinner to where their friend awaited them. 

Where the lives they never imagined they’d get a chance to live awaited them.

[igotanidea]

The fear : Jason Todd x fem!reader part 8

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

***

„You good?” Damian asked taking in her pale face and hurt eye expression.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She muttered, obviously lying. Even despite her experience-enhanced skills in the art of deceiving it was impossible to cover up for the fact that unwanted, unneeded and unwelcomed encounter with Jason took a huge tool on her mentality. And it lasted no longer than an hour.

An hour, that took turn from open hostility to a little unexpected heart to heart that opened old wounds. Reminding of the past mistakes, lost things and casted wounds. Ruined relationship that was doomed from the very beginning.

But even though-

They fought for it.

They fought to the best of their limited abilities, despite the world that was conspiring against them and throwing obstacles their way. Damn that tears that started flowing down her face when she started dwelling in the past. There was no denying she still held strong feelings for him, though couldn’t quite define if they were good ones or the bad ones.

“Y/N…”

“I’m fine, Damian. I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine…” she repeated as some sort of spell. A lie told a hundred times becoming a reality.

“Let’s get you upstairs first. We’ll watch some silly movies so you could stop telling me bullshit.”

“Hey! Language!”

“I’m 15, you can’t tell me what to do.”

“15 my ass. Still the same nasty little boy as always only with a fouler mouth.”

“It’s good to see you again Y/N.” Damian smirked

“Yeah, you too, kiddo.”

“You do realise you won’t be heading back home tonight, right?”

“What? Huh! You’re gonna keep me captive now or something?”

“You voluntarily got yourself in the house full of vigilantes, the heck were you thinking?”

“I could argue on that voluntarily part but-“

Regardless of what she said, it was evident that Damian has grown during the time they didn’t see each other. Not only in height, but also mentally. And it only made her realise the full amount of things she lost.

Not just the man she loved, but also priceless time with her best friends Wayne boys.

While Y/N was getting drunk and laughed with Dick, Tim and Damian upstairs, Jason refused to step a foot out the batcave as long as she was still in the manor.

Fuck her.

Fuck her help, her words, her gestures, her eyes and hair, her smile and her coming for the rescue attitude. Who the hell she thought she was?! Paw patrol?!

The anger started boiling in him again, threatening to take over.

Anger at everything, but mostly at himself for getting so vulnerable and honest with her, to the point when he asked her to fucking take him back.

Pathetic. Foolish. Idiot.

“Aghghhg!” he jumped from the chair kicking it with all the rage he had, nearly breaking the metal.

Fighting the urge to destroy all that stupid batcave – the real reason of his fucked up life and psyche. He could have been a normal boy being in a relationship with the girl of his dreams. Instead he had to die (leaving her in tears), come back (leaving her in tears), suffering from the Pit madness (leaving her in tears) and due to this fucking fear gas incident loose her again (leaving her in tears)

“FUCK!” he grabbed the chair and threw it on the floor “FUCK!” he yelled, throwing all the stuff from the nearest desk “FUCK!!!” he pulled at his hair, hard enough he could be left bald.

He had no idea what he wanted.

So fucking angry, horn-mad, charged with hands itching to punch something, someone, to destroy, hurt, kill…

Stop…

“Huh?! Get the fuck out of my head Y/N!!” he yelled in the air, his voice echoing through the empty space.

Stop, Jason…

Right. Stop. He was past his killing days. He was not a monster. Not a beast.

He changed. He grew up, matured, became a man and not a boy.

He had to get a hold of himself.

Move past the past.

If he couldn’t have her he might as well spend the evening with his crazy asses brothers, giving them his attitude, using the bad mood to banter and bicker and pick up on someone else to make himself feel better.

So he emerged from the batcave, almost in the same way he did emerge from the Pit.

Slowly heading upstairs.

To the main room, filled with surprising silence. Deafening silence that formed goosebumps on his arms and immediately put him on alert, searching for some kind of threat.

Vigilante instincts never fail.

There was some movement on the couch.

Two people, a man and a woman judging by the silhouettes.

Girl sitting on man's lap, straddling him, their hands all over each other, their lips moving together, the room filled with soft whines of pleasure and sweet whispers.

“Y/N…” the man whispered.

THE FUCK!?

Jason stomped inside without a care in the world, making the couple break the intense make-out session and look at him with terrified expressions.

“Grayson!!!” he yelled taking in the scene, his fury immediately raising head again. “Y/N!!!”

He was right.

There was someone else in her life already.

And that someone was the fuckboy - his older adoptive-brother.

[mykneeshurt]

War

Image from Google

Captain Price x F!reader

Warnings - 18+, minors DNI, dub/con bordering non/con, Price is not a good person in this fic, explicit smut, themes of coercion, allusions to torture

Please take note of warnings before you proceed, I am not responsible for the media you consume.

Waking up in the damp cell you heard faint shouting of your team mates in the distance. Wincing you tried to sit up but your muscles ached, throbbed with each minuscule movement. The pungent taste of iron seeped into your tongue, suffocating your tastebuds. Running your tongue around your mouth you counted all of your teeth, some more tender than others.

As your eyes adjusted to the cell you were able to make out a small window at the top of the rotting wall. Looked like evening time, the last of the suns rays kissed the brick, a faint hum of the light above you filled the short lived silence.

After you eventually managed to sit up you realised your hands were cuffed, tight at that. The steel cuffs bit into your wrists, staining your skin a crimson red. Your head throbbed from where you were hit with the butt of a gun. The blood had since coagulated and congealed where your scalp had been split open. Bastards.

The distant telling started again, you instantly recognised the voice. Cole. Your captain. He was being tortured, well that’s what you guessed from the noises he was making. Guttural, agonising screams, his voice was hoarse and brittle. Must have been going at it long before you woke up.

Panic began to set in, the last thing you remembered was working your way through an abandoned complex looking for your target.

John Price.

He used to be the captain of a well respected team, 141. That was until one of his own was killed, he flipped, lost who he was, what he was meant to stand for. All he cared about now was war.

He wanted to punish the US army who had hired his team. He wanted to cause as much chaos and destruction that he could. He didn’t care who got in his way anymore, completed blinded by anger and hurt. Nothing is more dangerous than someone who hasn’t got anything to lose. And in this case, he’d already lost everything.

Once you felt strong enough you tried to stand, your knees were weak, your tac pants stuck to your skin from the dried blood. As you hobbled around the cell you tried desperately to find a weakness in the structure. A loose brick, a screw, a bolt, anything you could use to your advantage.

But it seems this was at a loss, the walls looked rotten and decrepit when they were actually solid. Tears stung the backs of your eyes, threatening to fall over your blood stained cheeks. You slid back down the wall and curled into a ball. So this was it? This was how you were going to die.

You led pondering your fate for a while, trying to block out the screams of your teammates. You were surely next.

That’s when your door was unlocked, you shot upright, frantically wiping away the tears from your bloodshot eyes. The end of a cigar illuminated the darkness, the orange embers gave light to a bearded face staring at you from the abyss.

‘Mmm they did tell me you were a pretty one’ he hummed from the doorway. His voice was raspy as he chewed on the cigar. ‘Knew it was a good choice to keep you for myself.’ He stepped into the room, the door squeaking shut behind him.

‘Don’t you fucking touch me’ you spat, huddling yourself into the corner, ‘what the fuck do you want?’ He sighed as he took a drag of the cigar, his eyes never leaving yours. ‘I want to know why you’re rooting round my base. I want to know what you want.’ He crouched down in front of you, gripping your jaw in his hand ‘I want to know who you are.’

Scowling up at him you chewed your lip ‘I think you know why we’re here. I know you’re not stupid.’ Smirking down at you he blew smoke into your face, causing you to cough. ‘Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. Maybe I wanna hear what bullshit cover story your bosses want you to tell me. Or maybe … I just wanna have some fun with you.’

Feeling utterly disgusted you drew back and spat at him, saliva landing directly onto his cheek. ‘Feisty. I like that’ he chuckled as he wiped it away with the back of his hand. ‘I was like you once, wanted to save the world. To help people. Till I realised people just fuck you over, they twist the knife at every opportunity.’

‘You can still be like that’ you pleaded, trying to appeal to his human side. If one even existed anymore. ‘Let me go, please.’ Tears began to spill as you begged, pure adrenaline now fuelling your body. ‘Shh shh shh’ he cooed as he wiped away your tears, you began to tremble at his touch, fear took over your mind, body and soul.

He kept his hand on your cheek, caressing it with his thumb. He watched as you shifted uncomfortably on the stone floor, hissing at the pain that permeated your joints. ‘Please let me go John’ you sobbed, all your training about interrogation out the window. Your hard exterior crushed by fear, this was everything you weren’t meant to do.

He held you firm ‘you know I can’t do that love. In fact I’d quite like to keep you.’ He trailed his thumb along your lower lip, it quivered at his touch ‘no, please I have a family. Please John.’

‘You say that as if I give a shit. But you sound so pretty when you beg. Think I’d like to hear that some more.’

Stubbing his cigar out on the floor he stood up, pulling you up with him by the scruff of your t-shirt. He pushed you flush against the wall as he slipped his thigh between your legs. The only way you’d survive is if you went along with it. It was your only option.

So you did.

He scanned your face, not really giving a shit if you consented or not. He knew what he wanted and he was going to take it. He pushed his lips against yours, grunting as he did so. His beard was rough on your skin, the taste of iron was replaced with whiskey and cigars. Forcing his tongue into your mouth you reluctantly allowed him to, his kiss was rough, demanding, humiliating.

He pushed he knee against your cunt, pulling an involuntary moan from you. As much as you hated this, hated him, you’d forgotten how good human contact could feel. Your mind was conflicted, your body responded like it should, your body enjoyed this.

But your mind.

Your mind was screaming at you to pull away, to kick him and free yourself, to run away. But it also urged you to enjoy this, to savour his touch, he relish in his kisses.

He broke off the kiss and trailed his lips along your blood and tear stained jaw. Moaning with pure ecstasy at your taste. He nipped at your neck, biting and kissing a trail of destruction along your tender skin.

A sob burst from your chest, a sob of pleasure or confusion you weren’t sure. He felt good, but you didn’t want to admit that to yourself. Feeling lost in the moment, lost in your mind you rolled your hips along his thigh. The pressure caused a rush of pleasure to run through your core.

Smiling against your skin he in did your belt and pulled your tac pants down with force. With one swipe of his finger he groaned at how wet you were, ‘fuck love, knew you wanted it. Fuckin soaking.’ You could only whimper in response, a confused haze descended over you as you desperately tried to detach yourself from this.

Jerking your forward he spun you round and slammed you against the wall, kicking your legs apart. You heard his buckle behind you and within seconds the tip of tip of his cock pushed into you. He threw his head back as your cunt greedily pulled him in, ‘so tight love, fuck’ he growled as he gripped your hips like a vice.

You kept quiet, all bar moaning and whimpering into the damp wall. He built up his pace quickly, fucking you from behind. The sound of skin on skin echoed in the cell, it made bile rise from your stomach. He stretched your cunt open as he thrust into you, you hated to admit to yourself it felt good. It felt so fucking good.

You felt a warm sensation on your pussy as he spat on his cock, desperately trying to add lubrication. ‘Taking me so well’ he praised as he slid his hand round to play with your clit. He was masterful with his touch, knowing the exact pressure and pace to use. It began to push you over the edge.

As he spanked your ass he pulled you backwards, holding your throat as he continued his assault on you. Tears streamed from your eyes as he applied pressure. Your cries were stifled, almost silenced as he nipped your ear.

He felt you tensing up on his cock, he knew you were near, he knew how to manipulate an orgasm from you. Gripping onto his forearm you dig your nails into his skin, he hissed as the skin broke. ‘I can feel you’re close. Do it. Let me feel you love. Do it. Now’ he commanded as he bit into your neck.

And just like that, he pushed you into the void of pleasure. You threw your head back on his broad chest as your orgasm swallowed you whole. You moans ricocheted off the walls in the cell, moans of pleasure mixed with a sob of regret. Regret that you enjoyed it, that you let him touch you.

That he used you.

He kept his pace going, whimpering in your ear ‘gonna cum, fuck … you’re gonna take it aren’t you?’ You stayed silent. He gripped your throat tighter ‘aren’t you?!’ Your chest heaved as you found the words you needed ‘fuck, yes … please.’ They were a strangled cry, a plea to get him to stop.

He pushed you back into the wall, thrusting himself deeper and deeper into you. With one final thrust he came deep within you. He gripped onto your shoulder as you felt him pulsate into your cunt. ‘Goddamn’ he muttered as he tried to catch his breath.

As he pulled out, you fell to you knees, vomiting into the corner of the cell. ‘Hmph, that bad am I love?’ He chuckled darkly as he refastened bis belt. Kneeling down once more he gripped your hair before whispering into your ear ‘you’re mine now.’

[mollymauk-teafleak]

Do you have any headcanons about the birth? Is it angst ridden? Is it light hearted and fluffy? Who’s there? I have the cutest image in my head about Angel being afraid to look at them, all his insecurities in his mind (that all sound like Valentino), roaring super loud. But then Husker dumps one of the babies on his chest and all the doubts go out the window 🥺🥺 <3 (even when he’s like ew gross more body fluids but you’re PERFECT) (I love the Huskerdusk family if you couldn’t tell) <3

Oh my god absolute DREAM ASK sorry it took so long, I wanted to do it justice :')

Putting the rest under a cut for anyone who doesn’t want to read trans male pregnancy stuff!

As Angel Dust gets to the end of his pregnancy, he's very very done with it all, he's serving these wriggly brats an eviction notice. When walking up and down the hotel stairs doesn't work, he goes to the pregnancy books Charlie had swiped from the human realm for him. A few pages later, he's slamming his hand on the bar and saying to Husk 'you need to fuck me. a lot. now.' Husk just blinks like '.......yes ma'am.' And he does, Angel is a little awkward at first, unsure if Husk will find him attractive like this. But when he admits this to his husband, Husk is so gentle about it and promises that he'll show him exactly how gorgeous he thinks he is. And he makes good on his promise, Angel actually enjoys those last couple of days. Of course when it actually starts he's like 'what the fuck have I done'

The angst comes from the fact that all the abuse he's suffered has trained Angel to hide when he feels pain, to never admit that it's bothering him, like he has to do at the studio. So even as his labour drags on and on and gets worse, he's still insisting he's fine and staying completely silent and insisting he doesn't need anything. Of course Husk immediately calls bullshit and when they're alone, he strokes his hair and promises that he doesn't need to be silent to be brave, he's brave anyway. And he doesn't need to hide when it hurts or refuse to ask for help, that's his whole job? He's here for Angel no matter what. And thats when Angel breaks and admits how scared he is and how he doesn't think he can do this. Husk promises him he can, he wouldn't lie to his Angel about that. He promises he won't leave his side for a second and they'll do it together. Angel feels a lot better after that and Husk manages to get him into bed so things can get serious

As for whose there, Vaggie clears the rest of the Hotel family out but as Charlie's leaving, Angel catches her hand like look obviously he doesn't care one way or another, don't be weird about this, don't cry but...you can stay. if you want. because he doesn't care, obviously... Of course Charlie can't help tearing up a little and squeezes his hand, of course she'll stay. So it's her and Husk supporting Angel.

Husk is so calm throughout it all, he's the perfect support, even when Angel is swearing up a storm at him in Italian with every contraction. Charlie asks what he's saying and Husk hums mildly like you don't want to know, princess and keeps rubbing Angel's back. Of course when the twins arrive and Angel is cleaned up and having a well earned rest, Husk goes and screams into a pillow to get all the pent up stress out. But in the moment he's calm, just being a rock for Angel to cling to, singing to him when he asks for a distraction, ignoring the mushy looks from Charlie

But it is Bad for a long long time until Angel feels that first warm weight on his chest and realises oh fuck, he actually did it, there's a baby in his arms, his own baby. Bella comes first so he comes back to himself and sees his little daughter squeaking and snuffling and she's just the most perfect thing he's ever seen. He just laughs in disbelief and strokes her damp fur and tells her she felt a hell of a lot bigger ten seconds ago. Husk's just silently crying, grinning so wide and kissing Angel's head over and over telling him he's fucking amazing. And of course he gets to hold Bella for the first time while Angel delivers Howie and he just can't believe that a loser like him made something so perfect. Two perfect something's in fact, when their son is born too.

I think things go a little wrong when Howie is born, just for a while. He's turned the wrong way and there's a very scary moment where he isn't breathing but Charlie intervenes, a little bit of her sorcery and his eyes are opening and he's squeaking and snuffling. Angel is shaking and clinging to him in relief, croaking at Charlie that not even a minute old and she's already saving their lives? Charlie just nods and needs to lie face down on the floor for a while. But first she gets to go down and announce the good news to the rest of the hotel family who are just delight

After the twins are sleeping soundly, Husk helps Angel shower and there's just a moment where he has to hold him because fuck he loves him more than anything thats ever existed right now and he's so proud of him. And Angel is just glowing, yeah he's kind of amazing huh?

[brotherwtf]

https://www.tumblr.com/brotherwtf/764161646393442304/for-the-angsty-ideas-what-about-clegan-mutual?source=share

I also wanna add reincarnation to this in modern setting this time.

Jhon always had dreams of a figure who is beautiful with blonde hair and blue eyes, slender figure but he couldn't really see the face or hear the voice and is walking away from him and Jhon tries really hard to say something but it feels like his vocal cords have gotten mute and he starts struggling and wakes up! He's been having this dream ever since he was born. So he was always looking for this angel, and he assumes it's a girl and has always dated girls with blonde hair and blue eyes. But none of them were what he was looking for. He's not "homophobic or anything" because Curt, his best friend is gay. But he has never felt anything for a guy and has strongly believed his life partner is his angel, because only a girl can be that beautiful right?

Gale has also had similar dream but he knows the figure is a man because he was tall big and in his uninform. So Gale has always known he's gay. Marge is his best friend and they do everything together so much so that they enroll in the same college.

Jhon is a senior in the same college who's just watching all the first years coming in. He sees a blonde figure from afar and he has a very strange feeling he knows her and that she's probably the one he's been looking for and he approachs her trying to charm her but she's not having any of it and says "Sorry I have a boyfriend" and pulls a guy from the crowd "This is Gale, my boyfriend" and Jhon is speechless because he's certain his heart just stopped for a moment. But he manages to say "What kinda name is Gale? You remind me of my old friend Buck, so I'm gonna start calling you Buck" he doesn't even know where that came from but he's certain he has done this before and Gale and Marge look at eachother in confusion. Jhon introduces himself as Jhon "But everyone calls me Bucky". Marge immediately clocks in "So you're giving him your own name" in a teasing tone. Anyways that would be their first meeting. Jhon is now somehow convincing himself that his "angel" is Marge because she checks all the boxes but mostly because of his internalised homophobia. He tries to approach her again but honestly he doesn't even realise that he's looking for Gale instead. Whom he quickly learns is gay and Marge is just his best friend.

Long story short Jhon tries really hard to convince himself that he's not attracted to Gale, but he's just very pretty for a guy and tries to reason with Curt who calls him out on his bullshit. He and Gale become friends very easily obviously and Gale is falling in love but he knows that Jhon doesn't feel that way because he's the straightest mf ever and he has seen many times he has tried to hit on Marge (he just didn't know it was always more of an excuse to see Gale instead). So he decides to move on before he ends up in deep shit which might break his heart even more. Something something Jhon finally gets over his stupid Angel because he can't deny to himself anymore that he's in love with Gale. That night in his dreams he sees the angel, same with blonde hair and blue eyes but it has a face now. Shorter hair than he had imagined and a deep voice asking him "What took you long?" Jhon wakes up and he's feeling every emotion. He's happy that he has finally found his angel but is also very angry at himself that he couldn't see what was infront of him all this time. He finally decides to tell Gale his feelings but he sees Gale being really close with another guy and way too friendly for his liking..... Is he too late??? 🧐

damn shawty I love everything about this.... definitely thinking thoughts

reincarnation aus are SO FUCKING GOOD and I think we need to definitely definitely talk more about John and Gale finding each other in every single life because they DO!! THEY WILL FIND EACH OTHER IN EVERY LIFE

but I'm obsessed with this idea that John knows this soulmate of his will be blond hair and blue eyes, pretty lips and the most perfect waist, and so when he sees Gale and Marge together he's like "oh damn, she's perfect!" because Marge is a certified baddie and who doesn't want to be with her

Gale being smitten right away is such a Gale thing to do, who wouldn't fall in love with John's easy going personality and flirty nature? it's easy to see why Marge is also so smitten with John, and he can't help but feel jealous when John is immediately so taken with her as well, decides he's going to be a good friend and wingman to Marge and will help her be happy even if it means losing John to her

ughhh but him seeing Gale in his dreams, seeing glimpses of military dress and planes in the sky and being so so confused by it all, sees a blonde man smiling and laughing but can't quite place who it is, he looks awfully familiar and he can almost hear the sound of his laugh when he's with Marge and Gale, thinks he might recognize those piercing blue eyes when he's with them as well

and then one night he sees him, Gale, his best friend, Marges best friend, haloed in light and looking so damn charming in a flight suit and crushed cap, extending a gloved hand and asking what took him so long, and John wakes with a gasp, almost shouts in euphoria because he's found him, he's found his soulmate, and he's been right in front of him this whole time

but as you said anon, Gale's talking to another guy, another smooth talker like Gale, and he's hiding his laughs behind his hand like he did with John and flushing so prettily when he helps him with his homework and John's so so worried that he's too late, he's so worried that he's watching his soulmate slip through his fingers

I wanna make this classic romcom shit so imagine John running up to Gale one night, it's cold and raining but John just can't let Gale go, refuses to let his soulmate slip through his fingers again, and he confesses his love for him, says that even if Gale doesn't love him back John will still love him for a thousand lifetimes and more, he just had to tell him before it was too late

and Gale, of course, just stands there shocked at first, but surges forward instantly and captures John's lips in a kiss, clutching both sides of his head and kissing him like a desperate man, kisses him like he's starving, and oh, John could get used to this

this is such a fun concept, thank you anon!! this is making me want to write more reincarnation or soulmate stuff this is so fun

[wild-at-mind]

Oooof so spent last night at a friend’s for her bday and this guy was there and at first his relentlessness was ok but oh my god it wore me down, I think I need too severely cut down on seeing him. The only problem is everyone I know in the LGBTQ community here knows him also and if I’m not careful I could fuck up yet another burgening friendship group.

He’s not doing anything wrong. It’s just alongside the massive insecurities I have about the way my life has gone and how long it took me to be in the relatively good place I am today, he is hard to listen to. He has no end of stories to tell about things he’s done, all the great experiences he has had. My life seems so boring and small in comparison, so much so that I went home and cried. (I was in a bad place anyway but god I’d love to do social events where there wasn’t a risk of me crying in front of everyone at some point, which luckily did not happen this time.)

Yes I do think some of his stories are very exaggerated, especially the ones he tells where he did something a little mischievous! and doesn’t appear to realise that what he’s actually saying is ‘I put other kids in danger at my school’ and apparently the teachers were just cool with it, or ‘I committed fraud at my old job’ while not apparently realising it was fraud, and when I said bullshit that would be fraud he said ‘but the bosses told me to!’ (Like, ok....I’ve not done bar work and it was different in the 90s I get that, but I’m still not super buying it.) I don’t care about exaggerated stories most of them time but I hate the ones where the point of the story is how awesome the teller is and how much you should admire them, so to react correctly you have to nod along to the bullshit and praise them after.

Anyway I’m really done with this and I’m going to another meetup later which I WILL go to so I can hang out with trans people but I’m going to try and avoid conversation with him at all costs. :( It sucks because a while back when I was thinking about inviting a few people for drinks for my bday, which is coming up end of August, I suddenly thought ‘oh god I don’t want him to monopolise everything but if I don’t invite him and invite other people we know people will think it’s weird and it might cause drama between us and I’ll lose another group of friends’ and I lost enthusiasm for getting people together at all. :( I just can’t face another thing becoming all about him especially not my birthday.

I know there are reasons why people are like this but I just find people who never ask me about myself during conversations and who don't listen very hard to be around.

[stray-tickles]

Adverse

Read on AO3

--

It had been a long few months, and Eiffel had been looking forward to sleeping in a regular bed and not a cryo-chamber. He’d been looking forward to it right up until the point that he saw his quarters and realised how claustrophobic it was in there.

It would be fine, he decided, to camp out on the observation deck. The others had already gone to bed, the only one who even could notice was Hera.

He had just finished setting up all the pillows he could get his hands on when the door whooshed open, and he jumped.

Oh. Good. It was just Minkowski. “Oh, hey Command-”

“What the hell are you doing in here?!”

Eiffel recoiled at the tone and the look on her face. “I was just-”

She stomped inside, eyes burning. “Just what? Just ignoring very simple orders? Again?! You’re supposed to be in your quarters!”

It took a moment for the shock to wear off into indignation. “Hey, who even gives a crap? Maybe I just wanted to have a window for the first time in like six months, did you think of that?!”

His commander was less than sympathetic for his lack of windows. “Of all the stupid, selfish, bullshit-”

“Oh sure, here we go, make it all my fault that you’ve got that stick up your ass.”

“You son of a-”

“STOP! Both of you!”

Hera’s shout made them both freeze in shock. Minkowski recovered first. “Hera, what are you-”

“Comm̨̛̻͔̫̦̜͈̞̀��͈̌̄̂̅ă̴̡̬̦̤͑̌̓̓͘͝͠n̶̗̲̳̎̀̃͝d̴̡̨̡͎͖͕̟̫̗̳̼͖͔͎̖̽͗̓͂̆̐̂͛̍̇͆͋͝͝͠er.” She glitched. “It’s okay, he’s still here.”

She didn’t look at Eiffel. “I know.”

“What are you guys-”

“You should tell him.”

The words sent a tremor through her, making Minkowski grit her teeth. She hadn’t thought about it before, but she instantly knew what Hera was talking about. “No.” She gritted out, hoping it came off as angry and not petulant.

“He doesn’t know, and you…” Hera sighed. “Should I do it?”

She growled. “Hera…”

Eiffel tried not to stare, forcing himself to keep his mouth shut. It wasn’t like Minkowski to get this mad at him over something like this, at least not anymore. Something wasn’t right.

Minkowski squeezed her eyes shut. “Fine. But it doesn’t matter, I’m still mad.”

He swallowed. She sure looked mad.

Hera sighed. “Okay. Eiffel, look, it was… hard, without you.”

“Yeah, my comic stylings were holding this place together.”

“Shut up.” Minkowski growled, still refusing to look at him, holding herself ramrod straight.

He bit his tongue to not snap back, letting Hera continue. “A few weeks after you… after you left, Commander Minkowski woke up in the middle of the night. We didn’t talk, I don’t know why.”

“Nightmare.” Minkowski supplied shortly.

“I assumed. She went to your quarters, and when you weren’t there…” Hera trailed off, not sure if she could continue. “She had an adverse reaction. So, finding your quarters empty now…”

Eiffel tried not to think about what an ‘adverse reaction’ meant. He tried to ignore what Hera was clearly alluding to. So, he did what he always did. “Aww, all this just because you missed me?”

Minkowski opened her mouth to tell him to go fuck himself, but the words didn’t come. It felt like there was a bone jammed across her windpipe. Her head was full of roiling acid, her body was frozen, and her eyes were starting to…

Eiffel’s eyes widened in horror as the first tears started to fall, a trembling hand covering her mouth to keep from sobbing, shoulders shaking. “Oh- oh no, oh crap, don’t- I’m sorry, please don’t…”

“Idiot.” Hera muttered.

He moved closer tentatively, trying and failing to catch her eye. Shit, he’d really messed up this time, making the most badass person he’d ever met cry. “I’m sorry.” He said again, reaching out to put a hand on her shoulder.

The moment he made contact, Eiffel found himself locked in the tightest, most inescapable bear trap of a hug he’d ever experienced, his commander’s sobbing face buried in his shoulder. He hesitated, then returned the embrace, one arm wrapping around her back and the other hand cradling her head. “Sorry.” He repeated, his face crumbling. He wasn’t sure what else to say.

Maybe, if she squeezed hard enough, she could force some sense into his stupid head. “H-h-hate you.” She gasped out, not letting go. His hand rubbed circles on her back. Infuriatingly, it felt nice.

“Yeah, I know.” Eiffel said softly. “It’s okay, I’ll be here for you to hate for a while.”

“Good.”

Eiffel huffed a laugh, then sighed. “Look, I-I’m sorry I freaked you out by not being in my room.” He said quietly. “Maybe I should have told you, it- it’s too small in there.” He swallowed. “I’ll be fine, I thought maybe… just tonight, I could camp out here.”

Minkowski sniffled. “Moron.”

He snorted. “Yeah, yeah, get it out of your system.”

Calming down almost made her feel worse. She was aware of how goddamn skinny he was, now. How weakly he was holding her. And she was the one having a breakdown. The guilt made her feel sick. “Sorry.” She mumbled weakly.

Eiffel squeezed her as tightly as he could. “No.” He said firmly. “I know you think everything’s your fault, but no, this wasn’t.”

She sniffed, finding that the tears had run dry. “I’m in charge. Everything is my fault.”

Eiffel weighed the decision and tried for a gentle joke. “Based on reports, I think you’ll find everything that goes wrong around here is actually my fault.”

The laugh was weak and short, but it was there. He took some pride in that. “Look, I…” He knew he wouldn’t be able to look her in the eye and say it. “I wouldn’t have made it if I didn’t know you. I-I needed your voice in my head telling me what to do. You saved me out there.”

Minkowski didn’t know what to say. She was a mess of grief and anger and relief. Her friend was telling her things that mattered, and she couldn’t think of a single thing to say.

Eiffel’s mouth quirked up at the corners. “Actually, you’ll like this, that’s not even all. Cos you programmed the flight computer, so you know what I found on there?”

“Huh?”

He poked her in the back. “Come on, I know you know.”

“Eiffel, I don’t…” Oh. Now she was smiling. It was baffling how easily he could cheer her up. “Did you finally read Pryce and Carter?”

He chuckled. “Well, I had the time to kill.”

“Moron.”

“Mm-hm.” He squeezed for a moment, then loosened his arms. “You good?”

Her eyes stung, and she knew her face was splotchy and red. “I’m a mess.”

“Yeah, me too.” Eiffel said, drawing away with a gentle smile. “No judgements here.” When she didn’t release him, he laughed. “Just for a sec, I wanna sit down.”

There weren’t really words, but a sulky little groan seemed to get the message across. She was being petulant, but what did it matter? Eiffel owed her a whole bunch of petulant behaviour.

He huffed a laugh. “Okay, fine, but I do need to sit down. Bunny hop on three?”

She did, and they floated gently down to the ground together. “Sorry.” She muttered.

Eiffel smiled affectionately. “Hey, don’t worry about it. You’ll never catch me complaining about hugs.” He let out a soft sigh. “Can I tell you something dumb?”

The option to make fun of him was right there, but instead she just said, “Yeah.”

“When Kepler first picked me up, he said they were gonna take me home.” He looked down. “And I didn’t know if he meant here or back to Earth. But the first thing I thought?” A quiet sigh. “I hoped he meant here. I- there was no way I could go back alone.”

Minkowski paused. “You’re right.” She said. “That is dumb.”

Eiffel laughed. “Oh. I missed you.” He sighed, letting his head drop onto her shoulder.

“You too.” Her voice cracked. “What happened out there?”

Both of them looked up as the door swished open. Minkowski didn’t have it in her to feel embarrassed at being seen this vulnerable, at least not by Lovelace.

“I, uh, come bearing gifts.” She said awkwardly, holding a box. “Guess they didn’t mind too much if I took some stuff, I thought you guys might… yeah.”

“Thanks.” Minkowski said quietly.

Lovelace smiled tightly, setting the box down next to them. “Don’t worry about it.” She turned to go.

“You’re not staying?”

Eiffel’s surprisingly plaintive voice made her stop, analysing, trying to figure out if he was joking. It didn’t sound like it. She swallowed. “Don’t want to intrude.”

Minkowski sighed. It had been a rough several months for all of them. “You’re not.” She said, hoping that Lovelace understood. “Join us. Eiffel was just about to tell us how he made it back.”

“It’s an epic tale.”

Tension still clung to her, but she turned back to them anyway, sinking to her knees and sitting on the ground within an arm’s reach of them. “You joke, but it’s not like many people come back from that.”

Eiffel flushed a little at the compliment. “Eh, it wasn’t much, really.”

Minkowski nudged him. “Modesty, that’s new.”

“What can I say? I learned a lot aboard the U.S.S. Horrible Unending Nightmare.”

He meant it as a joke. The looks on their faces told him he might have missed the mark. “The what?”

Eiffel laughed nervously. “What? I didn’t say anything!” Those looks didn’t fade. “Anyway, our tale begins aboard the U.S.S. Please Forget I Said That!”

Lovelace looked devastated. “Eiffel…”

“You know what, maybe now isn’t a good time for this story!” He said with forced cheer. “Forget about it. How’s stuff been here?”

“I- you’ve been missed.” Lovelace said in a cracked voice. “Eiffel, I-I am so sorry. I never-”

“Okay!” Eiffel interrupted, loudly but not angrily. “Let’s all agree right now, my little road trip wasn’t anyone here’s fault! It wasn’t Minkowski’s fault for being in charge, it wasn’t your fault for being dead, and it definitely wasn’t Hera’s fault either, got it?!”

They were staring at him. He could even sense Hera staring. Eiffel sighed. “Look, I really missed you guys. I didn’t know I could be so happy to be back on this rust bucket, but unless you want me taking the blame for Colonel Sanders being here, you should let freak accidents be freak accidents.”

There was silence for a few long seconds, which Hera broke with a quiet, “We missed you too.”

Eiffel smiled at the nearest camera. “Thanks, Hera.” He said, then saw the still broken look on Lovelace’s face. “Hey.” He said, extending an arm. “Get in here.”

She hesitated. Of course she did. She liked Eiffel, and she appreciated his words, but the guilt couldn’t be so easily banished.

His lips quirked into a grin. “O Captain my captain…”

There was a quiet snort, and Lovelace’s eyes snapped to a smiling Minkowski. Huh. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen her smile. The next thing she knew, a cold hand had grabbed her wrist and tugged her towards the two of them.

She didn’t fight it. “Hey!” She tried to protest and not smile. It was a losing battle.

Eiffel reeled her in closer. “Join uuuuus.” He said in as creepy a voice he could muster, delighting in the captain’s smile.

Lovelace snickered, allowing herself to be dragged into Eiffel’s cuddle pile. “Okay, okay!” She conceded with a laugh.

It wasn’t like Eiffel was picky about elbows digging into his ribcage, so long as he was warm. Nestling between them, he felt very warm indeed. He rested his head against Minkowski’s shoulder, her arm draped around his shoulders and her cheek pressed against his head. Lovelace looped an arm around his waist and wove their fingers together, leaning on him so heavily it was almost uncomfortable. “Perfect.”

“Oh yeah?” Lovelace asked, amused.

“Mm-hm. You’re both officially ordered not to move.”

Minkowski hummed. It would be easy to chide him for giving orders to a superior officer, but… “I’m not actually sure who’s highest ranking now.”

Huh. “Me either.” Lovelace admitted. “Not sure I have a rank. Stowaway?”

Eiffel grunted. “Pillow. Captain Pillow.”

She chuckled. “Can’t say no to that.”

Minkowski hummed, thinking. “Pillowbel?”

Eiffel’s eyes shot open wide and Lovelace gaped. “No.”

“Yes!” Eiffel crowed, beaming. “Oh my god, that’s perfect!”

Ugh. “Shut up!” She growled, failing miserably at maintaining a stern expression. They were both grinning at her, of course. The jerks. “You are not calling me that.”

Cold arms wrapped around her. “Captain Pillowbel Snugglace.”

She laughed before she could stop herself, shoving him away by the face. “Screw you!” Minkowski was laughing at her too, but she found herself not minding so much. “I can still leave, you know.”

“Sure,” Minkowski agreed with a knowing look. “You could.”

Lovelace glared, but couldn’t argue. She didn’t want to leave. “Jerks.” She muttered, as they snickered.

Eiffel yawned. “Are you guys cool if I fall asleep on you? Cos it’s an any minute now kind of thing.”

Ha. “Yeah.” Minkowski said quietly. “That’s okay with me.”

“Cool.” He muttered, leaning his head against hers.

Lovelace sighed. “Only if you never call me that ever again.”

“Deal.” Eiffel chuckled sleepily, letting his eyes close. “S’good to be back.”

“Good to have you back.” Minkowski murmured.

Maybe camping out on the observation deck wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

[inoreuct]

U got me having Thoughts about tiger shifter Zoro now, bby is so touch starved and untrusting until he gets close to the crew and opens up ❤ he never felt safe enough before to spend much time in his tiger form, and as a result tiger Zoro is thin, his coat dull. Sanji makes it a personal mission to make sure he feels safe and protected at all times, fur always washed and brushed and belly always full.

Also thinking of how some animals get really scared of thunderstorms, idk if it would be realistic for Zoro to be, but I'm just imagining tiger Zoro during a particularly bad storm, curled up in the corner, shaking like a leaf, face hidden behind his tail, flinching at every loud clap of thunder. Sanji finds him, stays with him and pets him, talks him down until hes feeling safe again ❤

I’M SHAKING YOU LIKE A MARACA god before the strawhats he probably never had anyone touching his coat before. he hardly ever shifted either, so the first few times when he tries again are bordering on painful— but he gets through it, and it gets better. he’s never had better before. it takes so long for him to get used to not constantly looking over his shoulder but the crew coaxes him out of his shell, slowly but surely; it helps that he can almost smell emotions, or at least he’s extremely sensitive to them. they put a rug on the ground at the warmest part of the galley and the first time he pads in in his tiger form and curls up for a nap they don’t say anything, but he can tell how happy they are. (he refuses to let himself start purring. that is way too soon.)

he struggles to reconcile the image of pirates he has in his head with this ragtag group of people that— ok. hold on. he used to hunt pirates in his human form. he was hunted in his shifted form. and now the people he hunted,,, aren’t hunting him?? and his crew treats it like it’s no big deal at all. sanji gives him a steak whenever he gets hungry and once he tolerates touch, they’re always absentmindedly brushing dust bunnies and such out of his fur. the fact that he’s a shifter becomes The most well kept secret on the boat.

still, it definitely takes zoro a while to believe that he’s completely safe with them, and then it took his crew a hot second to get used to his displays of affection, but now they don’t even look when zoro bumps his head against them— they just reach a hand down for him to nudge against if he wants. they don’t stumble when he twines between their legs. they don’t even ask anymore when they all flop over him in a pile for warmth on the cold nights and the audacity makes him hiss at them and they just laugh. zoro thinks he’s beginning to love them, if he doesn’t already.

and ooh as for the thunderstorm thing; maybe in the beginning he squishes himself into a dark corner of the men’s quarters and presses his paws over his ears. he’s still in survival mode and it doesn’t help that not shifting for so long made all of his heightened senses in this form overwhelming— he finds himself sticking to the closest source of safety (sanji, for whatever stupid reason his brain decided) most days, and he blatantly refuses to acknowledge it.

but the cook finds him. and zoro snarls out of instinct but shrinks back almost immediately because what the fuck. this is his (reluctantly chosen) favourite human on this damn boat aside from luffy and zoro just snarled at him. but sanji just sighs all unimpressed and says don’t gimme that bullshit. scoot your big furry butt up, and well. zoro’s too startled to protest.

they sit there crammed in the corner, watching lightning flash across the sky through one of the windows above them, and eventually zoro finds his head in sanji’s lap. the cook’s fingers are carding through his fur absently, and sanji’s been going on about something, anything, zoro really doesn’t care as long as he keeps talking. his voice is quiet. soothing. no sharp edges, nothing that hurts zoro’s ears, and he when he wakes up the next morning he realises that he’d felt safe enough to fall asleep.

he just huffs and accepts it. seems that’s all he can do with his crew, most days. they’re crazy and kind and tight-knit and zoro’s starting to realise that he’s considered one of them, and it makes him groan as he hides his smile. he’s luffy’s first mate. he’s sanji’s— whatever. he’s nami’s go-to victim of debt collection. marines tremble in their boots when they see three swords and whispers of the strawhats’s pirate hunter zoro sweep the crowd.

he quite likes it with this crew. he can see himself staying for a long, long time.

[mlm-writer]

Till Death Do Us Part (John Kennex x GN!Reader)

Pairing: John Kennex x Detective!Gender Neutral Reader Rating: Mature Words: 871 POV: Second Summary: The Big Tober Day 3 - Inevitable death: We will die, let’s say the things we were always too afraid to say Note: researched death by CO2 poisoning for this lmao Tags: slow death, angst, fluff, love confession and Dorian is mentioned a lot

Blood started to cover the rubble as you clawed at it, your hands splitting open at the effort. A strong arm wrapped around your middle, your colleague pulling you away from the chunks of concrete. It had been a trap all along, a long chase that ended in an old metro shaft underneath the city. It was a miracle that you managed to run into a corner, where a large concrete pillar created a safe space, but you were alone and too far underground to call for help. 

“Give it a rest, that shit is not moving,” John grumbled as held you tightly, trying to keep your hands from reaching for the rubble again. 

“Are you just giving up, Kennex?” You hissed at him. 

“Think about it. We have limited air and disturbing the rubble could very well lead to this pillar crashing on our head. Dorian will realise we chose to go against his advice and follow up on our lead. He’ll go after us, trace our steps, and find us.” 

You let out a disheartened chuckle. “It’s funny how you went from hating all androids to absolutely adoring Dorian.” You shook your head and took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself. 

“Well don’t order a wedding cake yet. Dorian stuck his finger in my coffee.” You laughed and leaned back against John. With his grip loosened, but arms still around you, this almost seemed like a romantic moment. “ I uh… can let you go now if you’d like,” John offered when he realised what your current predicament looked like. You shook your head, settling in just fine. 

“Not how I envisioned our first long embrace, but this will do,” you sighed. You wanted to be embarrassed at your honesty, but also felt like you were getting too old to be bashful. 

“We’ve been pussyfooting around this for a long time, huh?” John agreed, his arms shifting around you to a more comfortable position. “Fucking will they, won’t they bullshit.” You laughed at John’s observations. He was right. You two happening was a long time coming and this whole situation was just the perfect opportunity to get closer. You couldn’t wait for Dorian to dig you out and find a new couple, instead of just two dumbass hothead detectives. 

The next hours were actually quite nice, filled with kisses and reminiscing, stories of each other, gossip in the office. You and John could talk about your whole lives, but as the third hour started to hit, you were yawning more than talking. Both of you knew what it meant; the oxygen was running out. Neither of you had much faith in Dorian left, but neither one of you mentioned it. 

“If I could get a do-over,” John started, his words interrupted by a yawn, “I’d tell you at Rudie’s birthday party to skip the cake and come get some real food with me.” You smiled against his chest, arms tightening around him. 

“You were still madly in love with An…” A yawn. “With Anna back then.” John sighed, commenting on how stupid it was. You were silent for a minute, death looming over you. “It hurt me to see you with her. Even back then I was in love with you. Sometimes I…” You yawned. “Sometimes I wonder if I could have spared you so much pain if I had just confessed to you before it all happened.” 

John leaned down to give you a kiss on your head. “We could’ve had so much mind-blowing sex,” he joked, trying to lighten the mood, before you spiralled into the endless pit of what-ifs. 

You slapped John on the chest. “I’m serious,” you reprimanded him. You both yawned. “John, if we survive this, let’s take a week off and catch up on lost time.” He hummed in agreement, eyes slowly falling closed. “Hey, stay with me!” You slapped his face gently, but hard enough to anchor him back in consciousness. 

Your name left his lips in a strained voice, like he wanted to cry, but didn’t. You looked up at him, glistening eyes meeting your watery ones. John sounded exhausted with each word he spoke next. “I may not always have loved you, but I can definitely say now, till death do us part.” Tears fell from your eyes as you laughed at his cheesiness. 

You wiped your eyes and face, sniffing and yawning. “You dumb fuck, I will turn into a woeful ghost and we’re visiting your favourite noodle place together as ghosts. Let’s haunt that place forever.” You expected a chuckle, but when you opened your eyes again, John’s were closed. He was still breathing, but you wondered for how long. You kept staring at his peaceful face, taking it all in, until you couldn’t hold up your body anymore. You snuggled close to him, letting his warmth calm you as the other plane of existence gradually claimed you too. 

It was days later when Dorian managed to find the pile of rubble you were under. Another day for help to finally make it through the collapsed tunnel. They found you under that concrete pillar, bodies laid together like the ancient grave of a couple. 

If androids could cry…

—————

REBLOG TO SUPPORT YOUR FANFIC WRITERS

Likes do not help exposure!A comment in tags or replies can sustain a writer for months!

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

💞

Summary: Steve realises he's in love with you, now he just has to tell you.

Warnings: Angst with a happy ending. Fluff.

Don't reuse, copy or repost my work.

❤️

It took Steve a while to realise he was in love with you.

With Nancy, he fell for her hard and fast but you were different.

He met you after Vecna's defeat, once The Upside Down and all the inhabitants-demobats, demogorgons, The Mindflayer were destroyed along with it.

So maybe it happened when you first started working at Family Video? The first time he met you was practically imprinted into his mind.

You were nervous, sarcastic at first and yet when you began to get to know him and Robin all that melted away.

You were funny, kind and could make him laugh when he needed it most. Just like Robin.

Unlike Robin, the two of you had a different relationship. For one thing it definitely wasn't Platonic with a capital P.

There was an underlying tension between you, touches that lingered between the two of you, loaded words and actions.

Maybe he fell for you during the nights that you spent with him, helping him through his nightmares about the Demobats.

The night terrors terrified him, he tried to hide it from Robin and the kids, Eddie talked to him about it and shared the nightmares that plagued him about his near death experience with the Demobats.

Despite Eddie trying to get him to open up, he kept his emotions bottled inside. He didn't want to worry the kids, so he pushed his feelings down, locked them away even though he knew he desperately needed to talk to someone.

His family were never the lovey dovey type, sharing emotions and fears. His father instilled in him from a young age that he had to act like a man and not the young boy he was.

"Tears are a sign of weakness and Harrington men don't show weakness son"

It was toxic bullshit but there was always a tiny part inside Steve- as much as he hated it-that wanted to make his father proud.

After many sleepless nights, reassuring Robin that he was okay, battling his rising emotions daily, it was you that broke down his facade.

You visited him at home, movies in hand and popcorn and ice cream in the other. It was an impromtu movie night you told him.

During Back to the Future you turned to him and gently interlaced your fingers with his.

"Steve, I'm here. You can talk to me anytime okay? You're exhausted and hiding how you feel and that's not healthy. If you need to vent, cry, anything at all, then just know you can talk to me''

That night he told you everything about what happened in Hawkins the last few years.

Everything from the first demogorgon he faced with Nancy and Jonathan, El, all the way to being tortured by the Russians and finally to the the demobat attack and defeating Vecna/The Upside Down.

You listened patiently, shocked but not suprised. Hawkins has seemed strange for years now, all the unexplained phenomena and deaths.

Being with you, the way that you were so gentle with him, how your hand never left his, talking about all the trauma he had been through pushed him over the edge.

For years he had looked after others, never giving himself time to process anything he had been through.

That night he cried for the first time in a long, long time.

You stayed with him and held him and after that the nights got a little easier when you were with him.

❤️

He finally realised he was in love with you a few weeks ago. After a string of just bad dates that didn't work out.

When he was talking to the women he dated there was an ache inside him that grew stronger. Honestly he just wanted to be with you.

How he didn't know sooner was a mystery according to Robin.

"You look at her like she's an angel on earth, like she hung the moon. Seriously Steve? Dustin is right do you need to be told everything?'' Robin exclaimed looking completely exasperated.

He scowls and ignores her comment, anxiety blooms inside him, he feels jittery and the fact that Tate Andrew's is in the store and flirting heavily with you only makes his mood worse.

Jealousy gnaws at him and he knows he has to make a move but the thought you might not feel the same way concerns him.

"What if she doesn't feel the same way Robin? We're friends, I don't want to ruin that'' she a softens and pats his arm.

"Steve, she looks at you the exact same way as you look at her, all longing and wistful. Take a chance. Don't be a dingus"

Tonight, he will tell you tonight.

💖

Okay, so telling you tonight didn't work out so well, nor did the fact the two of you were fighting right now.

You had a date with Tate and Steve stupidly let his jealously get the better of him when you told him.

The fact you even came to his house after the date suprised him. However, you were still very pissed off and the argument resumed.

"It's hardly fair that you get so annoyed at me going on a date when you go on like a million dates Steve. Double standard much?"

Steve didn't know what to say back to that, tried not to notice how beautiful you looked even when you were furious with him.

"They didnt mean anything, shit they were terrible. You know that" for a brief second you calm down but then you're eyes flash with pain and he moves closer to you concerned.

"Because they aren't Nancy?" he is taken aback by this, he talked to Nancy months ago and they cleared the air, renewed their friendship and agreed they were better off as friends.

They both realised a relationship would never work between them, they wanted different things.

Why were you bringing Nance up?

"What? This isn't about Nancy, I don't want Nancy" He notices the way the pain leaves your features when he says this.

"You're right, this isn't about Nancy. So let me ask why you were so against me going out tonight?" he swallows feeling himself clam up when you ask this.

"I... shit, you know how protective I am over you and...'' He trails off, Shit! This isn't how he planned this to go.

"That's all this is about? Because you're protective?" You ask him and he runs his hand through his hair, takes a deep breath and shakes his head.

"No, that's not all" He can't focus because you're so close to him and he can smell your perfume, feel heat rise in his skin as you touch his arm.

"Then what is it?" You're voice is gentle but there is a touch of curiosity, a little bit of exasperation.

"Because I love you okay? I'm in love with you, Robin said you felt the same but obviously you don't so I've just made an ass of myself" he finally let's it out and it's a relief to say it, even if you don't feel the same for him.

Nerves fill him, you gently cup his cheek and his eyes meet yours.

"You love me?" you whisper and he nods, his heart is pounding in his chest. Then you kiss him and all his fears melt away.

"Yeah, I do" He replies as he pulls you closer to him and presses a kiss to your hand.

"I love you Steve, the date with Tate was terrible, all I could think about was you" He rests his head on top of yours.

All the tension he has felt all day just melts away. He has his girl and he feels on top of the world.

[f1-disaster-bi]

“It’s your turn to watch the pups”  “Those are not our pups but our Packmates.”

100% Seb and Kimi talking about the 2019 rookies

Ajshdhdh yes!!! It 100% does 🤣🤣

Sebastian had long ago perfected the perfect hiding place in their pack spaces on track.

It had started back when he was avoiding Mark all those years ago and didn't want to face the angry alpha in a space that was meant to be safe. He'd managed to find a little spot where he could essentially neat and hide from the noise when he wanted to escape.

Most of the time, Sebastian didn't use it anymore. He was long past those days, and considering he was the Head of the GPDA and one of the pack leaders, he needed to be available. However there were still days like today, where Ferrari's bullshit got too much and he needed to decompress that he went and hid.

He just hadn't expected Kimi to pull open the door of the closet he was hiding in to glare at him while looking as if he had aged a little in the hour Sebastian had been hiding.

"Out?", Kimi asked because he was never demanding with his mate.

"Not yet", Sebastian replied, purring slightly as he snuggled down into his makeshift closet nest, "Join me?"

Kimi just narrowed his eyes slightly and sighed when they both heard a yelp in the distance.

"It's your turn to watch the pups", Kimi grumbled, glancing behind him and down the hall towards the main pack room where the noise was coming from, "They're being stupid. The littlest one is going to get hurt"

For a moment, Sebastian just blinked up at him trying to understand what he meant before he burst out laughing.

"Kimi, the rookies aren't our pups. They're our pack mates", Sebastian laughed but held his hand out to let Kimi pull him from his nest and into his arms so he could scent him softly, "I thought we weren't claiming the rookies this year?"

Kimi just grumbled, and rubbed his cheek against Sebastian’s jaw gently before pulling back.

"The alpha two are too tall. They'll hurt the little one when they wrestle. Your an omega, the little one is an omega, go save him", Kimi huffed as he pulled back and took Sebastians hand.

"They have names you know", Sebastian grinned but Kimi just shrugged.

He could see why the other was slightly worried when they got into the main room. Most of the pack was still at the media pen but the rookie trio of Alex, George and Lando were playfully wrestling like pups as Max watched and laughed.

Although as Sebastian watched the way Alex and George handled the young omega, and how Lando seemed to get the jump on them nearly every time, he just snorted.

"I don't think we have to worry about Alex and George. Lando is clearly the feral one"

"Hey! I'm not feral!", Lando protested, head popping up from where he had just been biting George's shoulder.

"Tell that to George's shoulder, you nightmare", Alex swatted at him and only realised his mistake when Sebastian and even Kimi, laughed as Lando launched himself at the alpha with a little hiss.

"Yeah, I think the pups will be just fine"

[mountschelsea]

Enough is enough (2/2)

-not my gif-

Request- Something with mason where he stops being the hands on dad that you are used to and going out with his friends whenever he is free. You try talk to him about it and it ends in a fight. You need help so you go stay at your parents for a couple of weeks leaving mason to reflect and realise what an idiot he is. He comes to see you and sort things out and the baby is really happy to see him. Happy ending please xxx

_

You left that night. 

Mason came home a couple hours later to find a note you left him. 

Mason, 

I can’t do this anymore. I have put up with this bullshit for to long and i’m over it.You don’t care about me or your child.I need to get away from you and this situation.Eva deserves better. I deserve better. Im not going to sit around making promises to her i cant keep. Don’t reach out. I think we both need time away. I really love you and Eva does too. Goodbye Mason. 

Mason being a man obviously didn’t care that you asked him not to reach out. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and started texting you non stop. He rang and rang your phone. He left so many voicemails he fulled up your inbox and couldn’t leave anymore. 

Mason eventually fell asleep. 

You on the other hand were still driving to your parents house, you had no idea what they would say or even if they would let you stay with them. You had no other choice. You knew mason would go to every single on of your friends house looking for you. 

About an hour later you were there. Sat outside the house you left years ago not on good terms. You sat there for about 20 minutes building up the courage to ring the door bell. Finally you were ready. 

Your finger hovered over the button. As you thought for a split second ‘am i actually going to do this’. You did. 

You heard your mum shout for your dad to open the door. You were deep in your thoughts when your dads voice cut through them. 

“y/n?” He saw your red puffy eyes. He took a while taking every detail of his little girl he hadnt seen in years. Until the landed on the baby carrier. His heart dropped. ‘He was a grandad?’

“Paul whats taking so long the house is getting cold.” Your mum muttered as she came to the door. 

“Y/n baby?” She quickly noticed the baby and your crying eyes. 

“Paul go get their bags.Come in sweetie.” 

You entered everything looked the same. A few new pictures but other than that it was the same. 

“Listen mum...” you were quickly interupted. 

“Did he hurt you?” 

“Mum i can..” you were cut off again.

“Did that boy lay his hands on my little girl.” your dad butted in.

“No” you finally got out. 

“Look mum dad i will explain every thing tomorrow i just need to sleep.” just as you finished talking Eva started to cry. 

“Don’t worry y/n we can handle her you go sleep.” 

“are you sure?” 

“i’m a mum remember, we’ll be fine” 

you gave her a small smile before you left to go upstairs. 

_ 

The next day you woke up to your phone ringing. Again and again. It seems mason had informed everyone you left and told them to try get in touch’. You replied to Lauren and Sofia explaining the whole situation and they promised not to tell Dec or Kai anything. You put your phone back on the bedside table and went to brush your teeth and do your skin care. 

Just as you walked back in, your phone started vibrating. It was Mason. Again. 

You don’t know what came over you put you answered. 

“Y/n?” Mason said letting out a long breath. 

“Mason i told you I needed space”

“Y/n please I’m sorry just come home”. 

“No Mason I told you...” you were cut off by mason desperately speaking again.

“I know what you said, but I cant do this without you. Without Eva. Please. I know i messed up. I’m sorry. I’ll change.”

“Mason you know I can’t.”

“Where are you guys. I’ll come. We’ll talk. We can get through this.” 

“I’m not telling where we are Mason. I’ve told you so many times. I need time and space.”

“Well I’m sorry for not want my child to stay in some random hotel.” 

“We’re not in a hotel.”

“Come on Y/n, I’ve been to everyones house looking for you. Cut the bullshit.” 

“NO MASON! YOU CUT THE BULLSHIT! OUR DAUGHTER IS SAFE AND HAPPY, SHE HASN’T EVEN ASKED FOR YOU ONCE! YOU ACT AS IF I’M TAKING HER AWAY FROM YOU WHEN YOU WERE NEVER THERE AT HOME. WE WILL TALK WHEN I WANT TO TALK.” You snapped at him before ending the call. 

It wasn’t your ideal start to the day but what could you do. 

You decided to go downstairs to get something to eat. You came down to Eva laughing at your Dad pulling funny faces and your mum cooking. 

_

You have been at your parents a week now. You explained the whole thing to them expecting a ‘I told you so’ but all you got back was an apology. They said sorry for everything. For losing touch, for the way they acted the night you left and for not coming to your wedding. 

You finally had decided to go home. 

You packed up your’s and Eva’s things. You had an emotional goodbye with your parents and promised to stay in touch and then you were finally on the road again. 

About an hour had past and you were pulling into the driveway of your’s and Mason’s shared home. You saw his car parked out side which meant he was in. You turned the car off and hesitantly got out. You were to tired to get your stuff out now so you only brought Eva’s baby bag. 

You unlocked the door to see Mason stood there, he looked as if he hadn’t slept since you left. Eva was asleep as you carefully placed her carrier down. You shut the door behind you and you stood there for what felt like years but was only seconds.

Suddenly Mason started walking towards you and quickly grabbed you into the tightest hug ever. You went to speak before mason got there before you. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I can’t live without you. I need you. You and Eva are all i will ever need. I’m a stupid idiot. I was selfish and I can 100% see why you left but I can never live without you, so please forgive me. Please give me a second chance. I will never ever disrespect you ever again. I love you so much, I need you to survive.” 

You stared at him for a moment before speaking. 

“You are an idiot, but I love and need you too.”

_ Veryyy rushed and not proofread but i need more requests so please send some xx

[omegothic]

opinion on ffxv after 75 hours of playing (and one hour of running in circles to level gladio's skill up) (still haven't played any of the dlcs but i'm gonna take a break or something for a few days because i severely neglected my university stuff and spent most of the last week obsessively playing this game)

i love this game. am i tired? hell yeah. would i want all these hours back? hell no.

the game is a mystery to me.

the sidequests are genshin impact open world quests level (which means that if i hear anyone talking, i'm pressing the skip button because i don't give a fuck). you listen to someone yapping about unimportant stuff and they make you collect the same shit over and over again. peak game design.

the main quests are good but the ending made me age 10 years in a week. there's NO NEED for these tragedies. boy you literally have the power of gods on your side and they tell you the only way to get rid of the big bad villain is to kill yourself? sounds like bullshit to me. also why even bother if there's only a few thousands people left in the world. you already lost, all this stuff had to be done 10 years ago to have any meaning. and there's no way the world didn't just implode or something when the sun stopped rising. the true ending is noctis getting spat out of the crystal and realising everyone is long gone because there's no sunlight.

the mentally ill hobo could have been more cooperative too geez. i'll be honest i like him much more than the six. and everyone's like "oh gods are helping you" no they hate me and want me to die for no reason. i'd rather join forces with ardyn and try to take them down. even if he did a lot of questionable stuff (cough- killed my bride -cough-cough- and her brother -cough- also kidnapped my friend and tortured him-)

the hunts are kinda fun when it's a big monster but when it's a bunch of goblins i'm like,,, why did you call me here? ngl i thought all hunts would be like the first one, it was truly cool. there was some kind of plot, some interactions with my friends, some stealth, the monster seemed really tough (meanwhile me, fighting the lvl 99 adamantoise 65 hours later: the ring of lucii go brrr-)

the dungeons are ass. i thought nothing could be as disorienting as daggerfall's randomly generated dungeons but they really managed to do a miracle with ffxv. although the dungeons in ffxv are not scary at all, that's the difference.

the open world is okay. there're some interesting places (when you first see the big mysterious creature in the lake you're like do i have to fight it?? can i get closer to it?? what is this??) and the nature is beautiful. altissia looks majestic but sadly there's not much to do. i appreciate the hard work tho.

using regalia was a delight. when you want to take a break and just look at the landscape you can just sit still with a controller in your hands and enjoy the ride. really therapeutic. don't drive at night when you're low level though... listen to ignis. ignis is always right.

the camp life is by far the best out of all games i've had an experience with. there's so many little details everywhere that you cannot help but adore your companions. it's the way every time you make camp you get a bunch of photos prompto took since the last break. it's the way your companions talk to you almost all the time and you truly feel like you are on a road trip with your friends. it's the way gladio calls you out on your bullshit and afterwards you want to bite his head off each time you talk to him. it's the way ignis cooks for the entire party and makes you help him sometimes. i just love the way friendship is portrayed here.

what was not as good is luna and noct's relationship. there was not enough of luna. yes she loves noct but why? yes noct loves luna but why? luna literally appeared in the plot for two minutes and then tragically died. i think it's really bad. also imagine not seeing your bride for 12 years, when you finally meet her again she immediately dies, then you spend 10 years trapped in a crystal, fucking die and then get to marry your bride. honey it's been 22 years since i last talked to you in person. i'm NOT marrying a random woman in the afterlife (no hate for luna, just this love story didn't seem convincing enough). hopefully i'm gonna see what they wrote in the dawn of the future soon (please pray so that my amazon package doesn't get lost 🙏)

the music is incredible. the woman who wrote the soundtrack is my goddess and i am a devout worshipper 🙏🙏🙏

so, why is the game a mystery to me? because no other game could make me endure 75 hours of boring side quests. i managed to play hogwarts legacy for 44 hours and i despised that game when i finished it. i despised it long before i finished it. but not ffxv. they could make me do all this boring stuff again and i would do it (not for free tho because i've got better things to do with my time 🤣)

i enjoyed ffxv a lot. it also made me depressed for a week because ending a game like that should be a crime. i think i'm gonna do a few last quests after that but there's not much left (and i'm not looking for more because if i think i am done then i am done). not sure how long episodes gladiolus, prompto and ignis are gonna take, but they're also in my plans (no ardyn tho, gotta go watch some playthrough). there's also anime and a film so plenty of content for me. and i am waiting for the arrival of my book 🫡

(noticed that there's nothing about the combat. well it's because i don't care. i don't like combat. i don't like it in any game. i prefer to flee)

[sapphire-weapon]

haiii it's the anon that wrote the orange light analysis again😭😭all ur aeon posts recently have got something on my chest

despite my video I don't actually ship aeon... like they're a good duo and I like them together but in the remakes there aren't any romantic moments between them and I feel like aeon shippers deliberately misinterpret scenes to fit their narratives and their beliefs

Like the kiss scene in 2 HOW was that romantic... re2r was my second re game and even I realised the first time I played it that he was annoyed and didn't kiss her back. But aeon stans never mention that they're just like 'oh they kissed so they're in love' nooo... SHE kissed HIM. and not for any romantical reason either. And then when Annette tells him Ada isn't FBI he doesn't question it he just seems dissapointed because he KNEW she wasn't. But aeon fans get so mad when u say that they act like it's real life like it's not that deep....

And also the shippers who act like their head over heels for eachother. They're not like they do not know eachother. They r practically strangers (talking ab the remakes.) And it's very clear with the remakes Leon has more of a spine and isn't allowing himself to be pushed around by her. Ppl infantilise him and make him seem stupid but it's like../. In re2r he is. A 21-year-old GROWN MAN. maybe a bit naïve but not some stupid little baby who can't tell Ada is fucking with him which is the way a lot of people paint him.

N e wayz this is long as hell u don't even have to respond😭just wanted this off my chest I love talking about their relationship.

anon, if we were together in person, i'd offer to take you out for a drink.

believe it or not, it even took me a long time to break away from that "aeon as default" mindset. it's only been since... may of this year that i've felt comfortable/confident enough to say that aeon has been de-canonized and eagleone is far closer to a canon romance than they are in the remake-verse.

RE6 has been out for 10 years, and the post i just made the other day where i first mentioned that RE6 ends with leon rejecting ada is the first time i've said that out loud/in public. because that "aeon as default" discourse is so prevalent and oppressive.

but we need to be willing to talk about these things openly and with our names attached if anything in the fandom is going to change. and it can't just be me, either. like i've said, my reach is very limited. but the fact of the matter is that aeon fandom has had a chokehold on the conversation surrounding this series for 25 fucking years, and their interpretation of the story is wrong.

it's just wrong.

it's incorrect.

it's not what the story actually is.

and it's being pitched to new fans without giving said new fans a chance to think or speak on their own. and the perpetuation of misinformation throughout this fandom continues.

people are finally starting the first rumblings of pushing back against the "leon's background is in the italian mafia" bullshit. we can push back on the aeon narrative, too.

because we should.

[nerdnag]

The time has come for me to finish my philosophy bachelor's.

...Lots of ramble below. I mostly just need to get my thoughts out, but there is a plan by the end!

For those of you who were around in May, you may recall that I struggled a lot to get a sort-of-presentable draft ready for my supervisor, hoping to be able to hand the thing in before the end of the semester, and was then completely slammed down into the dirt by said supervisor when he returned the draft a few days later with... pretty strong words about it. Few of which were positive. I couldn't bring myself to read the comments he'd left in the actual document at the time, because the email was enough to bring me to tears.

Yeah.

I mean, he wasn't wrong, it was just a bit shocking to have him go from "hey, how's it going for you, the thesis treating you well? oh and here's a link to a fun video i found on the internet" one day to almost-kinda-petty critique the next. And also, I am wholly unused to disappointing teachers, supervisors, mentors or superiors of any kind. That may sound strange considering my ADHD, which should in theory have gotten me in lots of situations like that, but my entire life, I've usually managed to make use of three things that have helped immensely to get things done well and on time: 1) special interests/obsessions/hyperfocus, 2) perfectionism and performance anxiety, and 3) high IQ. Number one has helped with motivation and creative flow; number 2 has helped motivate me through shame; and number 3 has helped me "bullshit" my way through assignments/relatively easily create a coherent and acceptable final product without doing all of the actual work I should have done (...and also making the actual work I do put in a pretty good quality).

But for some reason, these tactics didn't quite work out this time. I could come up with many different ideas about why this was, but one really important part of it was probably the fact that I've been heavily overloaded with work at my job and still haven't fully recovered from the immense stress I was under from March 2022-June 2023. I might not be able to recover from that period of my life without doing some pretty extreme changes in how I live my life, and although I've been working on trying to make some of those changes over the course of the first half of this year, it hasn't been impactful enough yet.

And so in the middle of this, of trying to recover from a backlog of both work and stress, while still being under quite a lot of stress at work (although not even remotely compared to how it was a year ago), I was also trying to write a bachelor's thesis in my spare time.

Oh, and did I mention I also took on a volunteer position in my spare time from April onwards that has demanded quite a lot of time?

(Jfc why do I do this to myself. ...Because it's fun and I am bad at saying no. That's why.)

Anyway, enough rambling about what's happened and the reasons for it - long story short, I realised I wouldn't be able to finish the thesis in time, and so I told my supervisor I'd hand it in by the end of the summer instead. And wouldn't you know it, the end of summer is closing in. :)

So with the help of my partner, I managed to finally open the document containing my supervisor's comments, and rather than lose myself in complete and utter anxiety and horror over the words, we could sort of laugh over how unnecessarily harsh he was being. (I guess my supervisor actually was a bit disappointed, since he'd seen before that I was more capable than that. I don't blame him.) I also realised that it wasn't quite as bad as I had imagined, and that my life isn't actually over and done for. So yeah. (He even had a couple of positive comments for me, actually.)

Then we made a plan for how to tackle this thing. I'm going away on the 22nd of July, so the goal right now is to have a finished draft to send to my supervisor on the 21st. Then he can read it, give comments, tell me whether he gives his approval or not, and after I've made any necessary adjustments, I can hand in an opposition version by the middle of August. Since I am currently on vacation, and I do need to actually try to wind down from work as well, I've settled on working on my thesis for 3 hours each day, starting tomorrow (the 13th), and my deadline each day is noon. If I realise after this Sunday that I need more time, I'll increase it to 4 hours every day.

It should work. I know what I need to do, and my supervisor's comments are clear. I enjoy writing and doing research and I will finish this in a way that I'm proud and happy about.

So there. That's my promise to myself. I'll climb out of this hole, fill it in with new dirt, and then start building the collapsed tower of blocks up again.

[eloeloanna]

Paul’s tea - another tarot reading 😂

What did Paul think of John during his first meeting until his death?

-

Part 2 here What John thought about Paul here Did McLennon ever happened here What happened between John and Paul in Paris here What John thought of Paul's appeareance here What Paul thought of John's appeareance here John's feelings + In my life + Paris' tea here Paul's feelings + Paris' tea here Was Paul jealous of Stuart? here Was John jealous of Tara? here Was Paul jealous of Cynthia? here Relationship - questions related to that topic here What happened between John and Paul in Keywest here What happened between John and Paul in India here George's pov here MORE here

-

This is for entertainment purposes. Don’t sue me Paul (or Yoko (or Sean) 😂.

The question is the same as before, but with two parts. I thought it like this because obviously Paul has been through the death of John, so many opinions and feelings could change.

First, energy:

It came to my mind the word “mirror”. While putting the cards in order, “The lovers” card dropped. Also the “Ace of cups”. I felt this was worth noting.

_________

Part 1

The cards start explaining that Paul had such admiration for John, that he NEEDED to prove himself in some way. I think the first move that he did was towards the band, doing the best possible. But he didn’t have the response from John that he expected, he even felt somewhat like shit (🫠). But he didn’t give up. Nope. He tried to do something for him again. This time, he put his heart on his sleeve and shared some intimate stuff about his past. They shared a more deep connection. I would say that little by little, Paul thought that “won” John, and everything seemed fine, until Paul thought that the band needed some changes. But those changes went to shit. He didn’t know what to do, so he listened the opinion of a female with authority, or someone with heavy feminine energy. This person told him to follow his project (s), but he felt like he was doing something wrong. Fake. In the outside world, everybody could see Paul “enjoying” life, but he felt it was all bullshit.

He felt like he didn’t have any other choice, and put a façade of a champion, that he did the right thing, and chose to “forget”, everything that had happened, since the same female influence or someone similar, told him so. This influence also told him that everything was fine. So he tried to believe it.

He couldn’t see that the opportunity to come back again was very easy. Or maybe he did. He just took a long time to decide what to do. Eventually he thought that choosing his family was the right thing. So he did. But having that realisation was very hard to him, he fought a lot with his thoughts.

The opportunity to come back was something that was “tempting” him all the time. He thought about what would happen if John would tell him, he also knew how he would react. He would do it. He was so sure about this. He wouldn’t even track consequences. Nothing. He would do it.

He tried to not torture himself with this but it was like a dog and a piece of meat.

I think he tried to reach out to him but was “blocked”, then he had another opportunity, but it wasn’t like he wanted to. I think honestly he tried a lot of times, one of these times he thought of himself like a fool, because of how impulsive he was. For me as a reader is almost funny how many times he was delusional for this (sorry Paul haha). I think in a way, at some time in this timeline he thought that with John he could do anything.

So that’s it. I didn’t bother to take more cards because the times he tried to reach out John seemed to be a lot 😂😭.

Now I think I have more questions haha.

Thank you for reading my readings 🫶

Ps. Part 2 coming soon