#so it obv didn't turn out the way it was heading lmao
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Canary (Life Series)
(Regarding Jimmy waking up in Last Life, and discovering he has been changed. I have a lot of thoughts about Canary!Jimmy and tried to compile them all! This has sat in my drafts for a while and I've decided to just post it instead of nitpicking it any further lol. Enjoy!)
CW: Death mentions, dehumanizing, deprecating thoughts, minor body horror
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Jimmy didn't move for a long time after he first spawned in.
He felt them there. Wings. Hanging off his shoulders with just as much weight as his other limbs. Even when trying not to move, he would sometimes twitch as a human body does (he's human, he's always been human, and he always will be, he HAS to be, right?), and the wings would move too.
It settled an icy dread deep in his chest, to know he'd been changed like this. Against his will. It was so minor, but the mere fact that it happened paralyzed him to the core. What if this was just the beginning?
(What else would happen to him?)
Eventually, he got tired and cramped from his position, and he reasoned he didn't have time for a crisis right now. He could feel that there was something different in this world, although waking up with no memory as to how he arrived was also a pretty good indicator. He was in a death game. Again.
Well, the W--no, don't talk about them. They love it when they're brought up in conversation, and their attention is never a good thing to have.
Anyway, the...game makers tended to throw a handful of players in, so Jimmy at least knew he was not alone.
He set off to search for others. And, for a while, it was as normal as a death game could be, with a few twists of course. They always felt the need to shake things up.
But, Jimmy made friends, and was soon setting up shop as a member of the Southlands.
He turned his back on Grian to harvest some wood, and his friend froze. "Tim...you've got wings."
"Yeah, I gathered that." Jimmy replied with as much neutrality as he could muster. "I can't fly, though, I tried."
He didn't know what he expected, really. If Grian couldn't fly, with wings as grand as he had, why would Jimmy be able to?
(Good for nothing, as usual, isn't it just hilarious?)
"Are they at least colorful?" Jimmy asked, attempting to stay upbeat. "I can't see them, obviously."
Jimmy's wings were so small that even when he figured out how to move them, he couldn't see them, even when he stretched as hard as he could and nearly broke his own neck craning around for a look.
Grian looked constipated, like he didn't know what to say.
"They're yellow." He finally said. Jimmy nodded thoughtfully. "Fits the color scheme, at least--"
"They're canary wings, Jimmy." Grian interrupted, his tone akin to what it would be when telling somebody terrible news.
Jimmy stared blankly. "Okay? What does that mean?"
Grian looked at him for a long time, his mouth pressed into a thin line, until he finally shrugged and turned away. "Doesn't matter."
And just like that, they were back to normal, making "aha" puns while building up the Southlands base. Jimmy wanted to believe in the peace and the laughter that he knew was precious, so he didn't let his mind linger on their conversation.
He noticed Grian avoided looking him in the eyes from then on, though.
It was only later, when they were on their red lives and Grian's blade ran him through the back, that Jimmy couldn't avoid his thoughts anymore and he finally put together what his friend had been so odd about.
Jimmy was the first to die. Again. As if he was an omen that death was coming for the rest of them, a canary going silent in the coal mine that was this twisted game.
Of course. It was a cruel joke that Jimmy was the butt of. He didn't know what he expected.
The worst part was that the wings stayed when he woke up again.
This game was different, as they all were. This time, he had a Soulmate, who he met through death.
It really couldn't get any more poetic than that. Jimmy knew that the Watchers just loved it. It made his stomach clench with a bitter anger.
But he couldn't be mad at Tango. It wasn't his fault that a creeper dropped on his head. Just like it wasn't Jimmy's fault that he was going to die first.
He still felt crushing guilt at the fact that he took Tango with him.
If Jimmy was the Watchers' new joke, fine. But attaching him to someone else just to have them die too was infuriatingly unfair.
He was relieved when the next game was different. Nobody was bound to him, or his fate. Everybody was on an even field; 24 hours to live.
Going through the motions was easy. Set up camp, get food squared away, find a beginning alliance. This time, it was Grian and Joel.
They decided to call themselves the Bad Boys, and Jimmy kept his wings firmly tucked inside his matching leather jacket.
(Out of sight, out of mind.)
As the sun set on their first night, Jimmy stared at the stars from atop the smouldering mansion, squished between his allies in beds pressed so close together that they might as well be one.
Maybe this time would be different. Maybe the fourth time would be the charm, and next time Jimmy would wake up without the canary wings that sealed his fate from the start.
He'd always been one for hoping.
END.
#disclaimer i wrote this after ep 1 of limlife#so it obv didn't turn out the way it was heading lmao#meraki post#trafficblr#limited life#double life#last life#3rd life#canary jimmy#bad boys#the southlands#there's so many tags my god#help me#anyway#3rd life fic#let me know if i need to tag anything!#also jimmy doesn't say the watchers name at first but then he does later. bc he's so angry he doesn't care that they look at him for it#and grian said jimmy's real name instead of the joke. bc he knows what jimmy's been marked for the moment he saw those wings#aha anyway goodnight it's very late#qing this for the morning!
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I'm sorry for spamming you I'm just really excited--
Reader who also streams and just rants a lot while they play Stardew Valley?
Like mid milking a cow or something they pause the game and rant about how to kiss someone or smth?...
-🌕 anon! <3
AH OMG DONT WORRY ABOUT SPAMMING I LOVE YOU GUYS 🫶🫶🫶 but I absolutely love this LMAO I made this into a preference setup instead of a oneshot bc I didn't know exactly who you wanted and I was having difficulty finding a way to stretch it out that long anyways. idk much about stardew valley so bare with me, I rewatched Tommy's video of him playing w Molly to help me 💀💀
MCYT ; stardew valley rants
includes ; tommyinnit, ranboo, freddie badlinu, niki nihachu, foolish gamers & quackity
warnings ; language
masterlist
TOMMYINNIT
you'll just be doing some tasks and be like "you know, I've never kissed anyone before. like, how does that work?"
meanwhile Tommy came over a little bit ago to hang out after stream and he just looks at you like 🤨😨
"youve never kissed anyone?? wait... we haven't kissed before? y/n/n, what?"
you shake your head no, confirming that you guys actually never kissed somehow, your relationship was kinda new in both of your defenses.
"we've only been dating like, 2 months, it's fine"
"ARE YOU TRYING TO BE A KISSING VIRGIN FOREVER????"
literally have your first kiss on stream bro
THE EDITS 🫶🙏 I CANT EVEN
the cutest shit ever
RANBOO
you literally paused the whole game mid-farming to rant about some restaurant you and ranboo went to the past day
chat was exploding with "oooo they went on a date" and you were just like "guys it was good food, 10/10"
they get you to join a call with them and you guys talk about it together and your whole experience and how awesome the food was
not to mention the aesthetic of the restaurant was so well put together
you got back to your stream with a little story for your viewers
BADLINU
you started ranting about a movie/show you're fixated on at the moment
went through all the lore, all the characters, background info, etc
Freddie was watching and using tts to talk to you
he encouraged it dw
like he was holding a convo w you and everything it was the cutest shit ever
the edits.
also people clipped the whole like half hour long thing and posted it to YouTube like "y/u/n and badlinu talk about ___!"
you don't even remember it within a week but HE DOES
just one of those cute relationship moments he loves to think about
QUACKITY
you were playing stardew while he was playing gta and you were on a vc together
so obv it kinda sounded crazy 💀💀
"y/n I'm gonna drive my Honda Accord over there and kill all your cows!"
"I swear to God, quackity, don't even dare"
not really ranting but you were yelling threats at him and shit LMAO
NIHACHU
you guys were playing together 🫶
you were teaching her how to do everything and stuff
you eventually went on a tangent about things you do and don't like about the game
she was agreeing to your solid points and stuff
that turns into a rant about hair color and if she can color your hair for you LMAO
FOOLISH GAMERS
"Dude, how do people do that van life shit? I'd die doing that"
straight up hour and a half rant about how much you hate van life tik tokkers while playing stardew valley
he's in your chat like "Yes 100 percent" and adding onto your points LMAO
you both share a hate for van life mfs
#lowkeyrobin#mcyt preferences#mcyt x reader#tommyinnit x reader#mcyt oneshot#quackity x reader#ranboo x reader#badlinu x reader#nihachu x reader#foolish gamers x reader#tubbo x reader#gn reader#gender neutral reader#🌕 anon
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hello again! thanks for the clarification abt sylvia... now i'm curious about how the whole turning point from 'evil' to 'good' is going to go down. if hater and peepers still have the same traits of personality as in show, just their moral compass flipped... touch grass lmao
i was wondering if you won't mind fics/stories inspired by your au, but somewhat divergent? my brain got away from myself and i already imagined an so many stories for everyone involved that doesn't really fit your interpretation
also as a heads-up, i was inspired by that one comic abt stalking-planets and did some color studies/environment sketches w planet yonder following around mr. meteor and peepers in different locations. i was thinking of posting and tagging you in it, but saw in the tags that this was an old fear and didn't want to do anything you would be uncomfortable with
no pressure if the answer is no for any of those!! wanted to ask just in case
hope you're having a good day! thanks for sharing your art and au with us (◍•ᴗ•◍)✧*。
hello! and it's not really that they're "evil" or "good", it's more about swapping their roles in the story, like how i'd personally go about making hater and peepers the protagonists without turning them into completely different people & vice versa with their foils.
obv they're not exactly the same people they are in canon, because their circumstances are way different, and they've ended up in different places because of them, but like. their core traits are the same. because i dont wanna shave off any of the things that make wander wander or sylvia sylvia. idk, i'm just doing this for fun, at the end of the day, so whatever interpretation people have for them or any part of this story is up to them, so long as they're having fun doing it.
and i don't mind fics or art at all! in fact i would be thrilled to read and see anything and everything you come up with because i think that's SO cool and art is awesomes and art is forever. ill say it forever i think taking inspiration is literally integral to making art whether u get it from the world u perceive around you or from the other things people make Its unavoidable and its beautiful #anyway
and the megalophobia thing isn't that serious, it makes me uncomfortable to see/be under/be within big things In Real Life but in art i just admire when people can go into the sheer scale of things . i'm a horror fan, so when i see things that specifically freak me out, its cooler? because the things that scare me are like soooo specific and i rarely see people nail them. if that makes sense. so by all means post & tag me in ur scary art about big planets
#ask#swap au#txt#anyway yeah the reason i made big scary planet that chases you real is not in spite of the fact that it scares me but because it scares me#i'm a chronic nightmare haver. its way easier to deal with when i just take inspiration from them lol#wall of text#also what was touch grass about ? was that at me lol#swap wander#myart
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okay hear me out on this request lol
Rhea x Reader where reader wanted to surprise Rhea and buys a box of those aphrodisiac chocolates, then Rhea eats one of them thinking its regular chocolate and goes into a match. She can't focus at all during the match because of the aphrodisiac and is thinking of reader the whole time which almost costs her the match. horny + angry Rhea = thisisgonnabealongnight.jpg if youre not comfortable with writing this since its smut i 100% understand anyways i love your work and hope you're doing well :)))
it's 3 am and I'm bored so have this ig. I feel like I exaggerated the effects of the chocolate lmao.
Mistake
Rhea Ripley x Reader Summary: Rhea eats from the chocolate box you bought and almost immediately regrets it. Notes and warning: not proofread tbh, aphrodisiac, smut (obv), cunnilingus, fingering (Rhea receiving), strapon mentioned, locker room sex, slightly bottom!rhea
"Hey" you placed a kiss to your girlfriend's cheek as you got into the locker room, placing a heart-shaped box in her locker before she closed it.
"What's that?" she smiled, there were still a few days until your anniversary so she was a bit confused as to what was the occasion.
"Just..chocolate" you failed to hold back your smirk which made her narrow her eyes at you before humming.
"I'll be going first 'cause I'm on commentary" You gave her a quick kiss and made your way to the door. "Oh, and..don't eat those!" You warned her, you really did.
----
Rhea shrugged before untying the little red bow on top of the box, opening it to see two layers of chocolate. Surely eating a few won't do any harm, she needed the extra energy for her match anyway.
She closed the box, not bothering to tie the ribbon back to hide her crime as she was already late. She walked to the gorilla and waited until it was her turn.
She felt...weird. She assumed it was the sugar since she hadn't had any in a while except for energy drinks but gulped as her knees almost buckled when she saw you with the hairstylist, doing the last touches on your hair.
"Hey..good luck" you squeezed her hand before your theme played and you came out behind the curtain.
Her vision was clouded by your scent, she couldn't focus to save her bloody life! it wasn't any opponent, it was Charlotte Flair. That little snake will do anything to embarrass her in front of you. You were not going to be on ringside this time, you'll be WATCHING her as Charlotte kicks her ass. She won't let this happen. She didn't want it to seem like she could only win when you were there.
"There you go, Rhea," a staff member said, pulling her out of the deep trance she was in as her theme played.
You watched with a grin as Rhea did her stomp, glaring at the cameras before making her way to the ring. She looked tense, almost dizzy.
As her theme stopped playing, she leaned against the corner of the ring, trying as hard she could not to make eye contact with you as you sat next to Corey with your legs crossed as you praised her.
"One Riptide from Rhea will send the so-called 'queen' spiraling. Mark my words, Cole!"
---------
Fuck, she couldn't contain herself. An intense throbbing between her legs began to form and she held onto the ropes as Charlotte did her entrance.
What the hell was happening to her? is she having a heart attack?. Damn it she shouldn't have drunk all those energy drinks that week.
She turned her head to see you and immediately regretted it when she saw you already looking at her with a smirk. You looked..sexy. Extra sexy that she didn't know how she let you walk out in those clothes, no one deserved to see you like this but her.
She ignored all the taunts Charlotte was doing to provoke her as she stared at you. She was brought back to reality by the bell and looked at Charlotte who gave her a cocky smirk.
-------
Halfway through the match, you decided you'd leave commentary and be on ring side because if you didn't, Rhea would be taking the Figure 8 in no time.
She delivered a big boot to Charlotte, sending her falling on her back. The crowd cheered before Rhea looked at you briefly then turned her head back to her opponent.
She couldn't stop thinking about you..your breasts, how full and round they'd look whenever she'd squeeze them. You lips, soft and tasy. and Oh your p-.
"RHEA!" Your voice interrupted her train of thought as you saw Charlotte coming her way looking for a spear.
Before she knew it, she was thrown across the ring and rolled out of it in pain. "What the fuck are you doing! Focus!" You hissed through your teeth, placing a hand on her thigh and saw her looking at your hand and bit her lip.
You gulped in realization, "You..You didn't eat the chocolate..did you?" Her eyes widened and it hit her like a ton of bricks, it was the chocolate!
"I thought I told you not to open it!" you sighed before hearing the ref counting.
You pulled her up by the arm and pushed her into the ring without another word in frustration. "Finish this!"
She wished she could, but Charlotte was taking advantage of the situation.
------
Rhea hit Charlotte with an Avalanche Riptide, pinning her tiredly with an arm over her torso.
You held onto the rope in anticipation, gulping when you saw Charlotte's feet trying to reach the rope.
"One! Two! Three!" Rhea couldn't believe this was finally over, it's been going on for 15 minutes and the throbbing is getting even more intense and all she wants is to take you to the locker room because she isn't sure she'll last until the hotel.
Her theme played as you slid into the ring, raising her arm in victory before the cameras were cut. "Please.." she whispered and you shushed her, taking her hand backstage.
She was following clumsily behind you as you headed to the locker room. "Congrats Rhea" you heard Dakota say but didn't bother to wait for Rhea to chat with her.
"T..Thanks" As you reached the locker room, you opened Rhea's locker and took the box, placing it in its original bag before taking your stuff.
"Follow me to the car.."
"No!" she blocked the way to the door with her much larger frame. "I..I need you now..please"
"Wh..here?!" she nodded, getting on her knees after locking the door, and began unbuttoning your jeans, knowing full well you were packing underneath.
"sit on the bench" you ordered, "Come on..I wanna eat you out before you explode on the spot" you laughed but she released a sigh of relief.
She stood up and, with your help, unbuttoned her tights and pulled them down her legs alongside her underwear.
"You..are dripping" you whispered in her ear. If she's gonna walk around and do what you told her not to, you won't let it go easily.
She spread her legs, feeling your breath on her inner thigh. "No teasing..please" you placed slow kisses all over her inner thighs, coating them with lipstick before spreading them even more, she was absolutely soaked.
you spread her lips with your thumbs before giving in and licking a long stripe. "oh, fuck.." was heard before you dived into her with your tongue.
"Such a fucking slut" you mumbled before going back to what you were doing. She scowled before moaning again, biting back whatever comment she was gonna make in hopes of you getting into it already.
She threw her head back, sighing and savoring the feeling of your lips wrapped around her clit before you decide to be a tease again. Shit..what the fuck did they put in that chocolate.
"I told you not to eat it!" you laughed nipping on her labia, and she knew she must have been thinking out loud.
"How was I supposed to know they were spik- Oh!" she was cut off with a guttural groan when a finger entered her, stretching her for you even though you knew there was no need for that.
You added another finger and you know she was close with how tight she was clenching around you. "I'm...close"
"Do you deserve to come?" you asked, slowing down your movement for a bit.
"Please I'm sorry..I..needed that sugar, fuck!" you let out a chuckle at her state, picking up the pace again and wrapping your lips back around her bundle of nerves.
you felt her fingers pulling slightly on your scalp as her legs shook on either side of your head, trying hard not to suffocate you with them. "that's it..cum for me, Demi" you knew what saying her real name did to her, you didn't know why but you never complained.
To bring her even closer to the edge, you sneaked your free hand up her body and squeezed her boob through her leather bra, almost immediately causing the coil in her stomach to snap.
You shut her up with your fingers in her mouth, you were sure everybody knew what was going on in there but you didn't want them to know what Rhea Ripley sounds like when she's cumming for you.
She looked down at you with a grin as you lapped at her cum, placing one last kiss on her clit as her fingers played with your hair while she caught her breath.
"You done in there you freaks?! I need my fucking stuff" You heard Shayna slamming her hand against the door.
"Are we?" you looked at Rhea with a laugh as she shook her head.
"Not even close. But..let's continue in the hotel, I wanna have my way with you" she got up, giving you a hard kiss before putting her pants back on.
"Fuck..how many did you fucking eat!"
"..Three. I thought I was dying out there" You let out a howl at her state, she looked so disheveled and fucked out even though you two just began.
She unlocked the door, facing Shayna who was crossing her arms. "Was it that good or are you just a fucking show off cause you got y/n?"
"oh, believe me-"
"nope! let's go!" you didn't know whether to be offended at Shayna doubting you were good in bed or flattered.
Rhea laughed at your flushed face, taking her stuff and following you to the parking lot.
Taglist:
@obsessedwithwwewomen@ara-a-bird@jungwoospeach@neganwifey25-blog@yourmisosoup@cameronsdruthers@dementedtrashcat @sunnnyshark @1c4ntg3ty0u0ffmym1nd
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shy gf watching ross workout and she gets all blushy and ross teases her abt it.. then they fuck obv
he lets out a little groan as he moves and you respond automatically with a little squeaky gasp and his head just snaps up to look at you and smirk like "you alright there, love? having a nice time?", and oh god look at his arms look at the sweat running down his body look at how flushed he is, the exact same sort of flush he gets after you... all you can do is take a deep breath and nod, and ross giggles and winks at you and continues. but you're getting turned on as you watch him, increasingly so, to the point where you can't get comfy because you're so wet - ross clocks this, of course, and gets up and holds a hand out to you like "fancy a shower?", and you'd be remiss to say no. it starts out sweet, in fairness, him behind you as the water heats up, but it soon gets freaky - his hand comes up to rub your nipple and pinch it as he says "you really liked watching me, didn't you, love? saw you shuffling around on that seat. bet if i checked now, you'd be wet", and you just breathe out "please" before he slides his hand down your body and between your legs. he moans like "fucking soaked. want me to fix that for you, my girl?", and you whine a plea and boldly rub your arse against him; ross groans again and says "brace yourself, then", before bending you over and quite literally fucking you STUPID from behind. by the end of it, YOU feel like you've done a workout lmao, but you wouldn't have it any other way <3
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Here we are ladies, gents, and the non-binaries. The long-awaited Chapter 27 which you've blessed us in FULL today. 8 parts??? what have I done to deserve this? And I've got so many thoughts I Literally had to stare at my screen to collect myself because where do I even start????? Well, first off, I can start with the fact that that was amazing and you're incredible, and thank you for this. I've got so many things to say but I'm literally short-circuiting so AAAH. okay. I'm doing it by roughly by parts so I don't miss a thing. And since you've given us 8 parts, expect this to be the longest essay yet (I'm not even kidding please I apologize this got away from me)
First off, the slow build-up was killing meeee. But then again, I do love seeing them having normal conversations (I mean, a dick in the garbage disposal isn't exactly normal but I digress because that part made me laugh) and seeing Bucky be so protective of her because he has a point. Jesse is out for blood and leaving Pocket alone would be a terrible idea (I mean, well, we obviously see this later). I love their banter too! The teasing and the joking and Bucky's smug lil "nothing I haven't seen before" like okay, pipe down. I love Pocket's stubbornness, arguing with Bucky that she can handle herself (which she can obvs) but I couldn't help but giggle when she *pouts* "I have a gun" *pouts* when Bucky told her that even Nat couldn't handle Jane in hand to hand ESPECIALLY when the unhinged snake is set out for the kill and a super soldier at that.
Now, the footage of Jacky in the Hydra base. That was….a lot. It honestly was so disturbing and scary. It's absolutely insane the way Hydra manufactured her obsession with Bucky. But it's also genius in the sickest way. Because THAT is how you make sure you get a mission done. A teenage crush turned obsession? I mean, have you seen one direction fans back in the day? They were unhinged and could hack anything and that's without training (I was a fan too and I saw it all happen online LMAO). Now we have someone who is a teenage girl with an obsession, who's fucked in the head with all that Hydra manipulation, has super soldier powers, a highly trained assassin and has been made to believe that she can get everything she wants? Who’s stopping that? She makes serial killers look sane. She's been set out to him before anyone even knew she existed. Honestly, that whole thing just had me sitting staring at the wall for a few seconds before I could continue because it's insaneeee. It's so scary, just thinking about someone like her existing in the real world. But that part where she was about to jerk off to Bucky's picture has me laughing and feeling distraught at the same time. But that hint of Bucky being uncomfortable about it followed by Pocket's comment about already sleeping with her, at first I thought he just felt guilty about it but after reading all the parts? A foreshadowing that he's never been comfortable in the first place? I see what you're doing. But god, massacring a whole Hydra base and just the image of her Carrie-style but with a proud grin. Chills. Get her away from me please I'm scared.
(on a side note, Pocket thirsting over Jesus Barnes in Wakanda please BIG MOOD. That really reallyyyyy short clip of him in Infinity War throwing that sack with one hand has me falling in line like, yes sarge, me next please. ANYWAY back to the story)
I'm glad they cleared up that whispering in the conference room when the whole below the paygrade comment. Because people keeping forgetting that were just in Pocket's POV and with that comes some unreliable narrating sometimes because we obviously won't get the full scope of what happened because we're only seeing her thoughts and her perception on the situation. Which is why I always think it's important to think on a broader scale outside what's shown on the text. But god, THAT much money? I'm still heartbroken for Chloe though because she didn't deserve that. But sigh, we just discussed not letting Pocket leave the safe house for her safety and then suddenly we're leaving her alone? Barnes? Really? Have you read any fanfics in your life? Anyway.
That whole commentary about the whole trafficking situation was so spot on. I have nothing else to add to that because you pretty much said it all. It's both sad and so enraging. BUT AH NO. YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO LEAVE POCKET SERIOUSLY. But she genuinely did think Dimitri was the least evil of them all so sigh. I already knew where this was going and I already had a hunch who this "Hydra" boss is waiting at the club. But lol the gasp I let out when I read her name. *insert that 'why am I gasping, I already knew that meme' here* Even just that hint of Jordan being so quick and strong since she's a super soldier, it really sets the tone how Pocket really can't get out of this through physical strength. And now the face off begins.
But damn. I honestly didn't think she'd get even crazier yet here we are. I even felt my skin crawl just knowing the amount of time Jerms spied on Bucky, Pocket, and them both together. She's literally been watching their every move even in the confines of their bedroom. And that gives her so much upper hand because all the fights, insecurities, weaknesses, all their trauma and past, what makes them tick as a couple, what breaks them down, she knows it ALL and she's obviously going to use that to her advantage. Well, she did and she did it well. Imagine playing a cheese game with someone who already knows all your moves. How can you win against that? Every time she says she "loves" him I have the urge to throw up. Like girl you don't. You’re obsessed with him. There's a huge difference. And God that she show here obsession and delusion and that really is the best play Pocket could make. Shattering that deranged fairytale she has in her head of Bucky ever wanting her.
That part, where Juno admitting to feeding Bucky all the things she'd been feeding him, especially the degradation parts. When you're so desperate to try and save a relationship, you really do become willing to try anything and take any advice even if it's not the best ones. And like I said many parts ago, she's smart so the way she manipulated Bucky (who's already so insecure and broken and such an easy mind to manipulate) was so calculated that it was always going to be a success.
Which brings me to the infamous video which was without consent, might I add. The way Jayla made it seem in her text when she recounted it Bucky was so far from what actually happened. She really was selling it as if they'd fuck like no tomorrow and Bucky turned into this feral sex god or something. But that's her delusions playing it up, making it seem like it was the best sex ever when in reality, that couldn't have been farther from the truth. That wasn't fucking, hell I don't even know what you call that. I mean, I could be pushing it here so please do correct me if I'm wrong, but that was SA in a way. An unenthusiastic yes is still a no and you could clearly see that Bucky wasn't into it, tried to stop it even. And with men, there's a different dynamic when it comes to SA because of patriarchal standards and toxic masculinity and this misconception that they always want sex etc. And it truly was pathetic on Josef's part claiming that they fucked because, dude, what was that? But it also left a bad taste in my mouth for Bucky. Because what I saw in my head was just him laying there while she took what she wanted, I guess. And yeah, he didn't push her off and there was a part of him that was so hurt and angry thinking that Pocket betrayed him that he wanted to get revenge but even then, he didn't seem that excited on the fact. I mean, the snake had to bring up the articles and Steve over and over and over again because that's the only way she could keep Bucky angry and hurt enough to not protest and just, let things happen. And she was feeding him lies and hitting exactly where it would sting with that purple push up bra because how could she have known that right? In Bucky's head, that was confirmation that she was telling the truth because he didn't know that Jenny had access to footages. She played her game well and she stabbed him exactly on where the stitches are so that was a lost cause on Bucky's part.
And God, I have all my reports saved in one doc and I really did hit it already did I. About me saying how Bucky probably let Russia happen as a way to punish himself too. And that Jayla truly did play into Bucky's insecurities with those articles because what fight does he have against America's Golden Boy? When he already believes Pocket deserves someone better and that someone took form into the person he's insecure about the most? How can you not spiral? I know I'm repeating myself but we truly can't just ignore what Bucky went through with Hydra in all of this. He's got such a fragile mind and self esteem that it's already easy to break him down if you truly think about it. Now, imagine having someone who knows EVERYTHING that made you crumble and has all the ammo and information to be able to say just the right words for you to trust them? And, well, speaking from experience, you really can't know you're being manipulated until you're out of it. I didn't realize how bad my experience was until I retold it to a friend. So I don't Bucky had an ounce of awareness as to what Joanna was doing to his mental state. It was the sickest most calculated thing what she did that I think even the most secure person could feel that security crumble even for a little. Now you have someone who's already fragile and insecure in the first place? He honestly stood no chance.
Obviously, it doesn't take away the fact that Pocket was still hurt and she has every single right to be. But I think she was more hurt that Bucky wasn't secure in their relationship and her love for him rather than the act itself. Because the way it happened really was kind funny and God I cringed at the way Jocelyn took so so long to even get him going and not even get him going at all because Bucky had to think of Pocket to get hard. And he truly only got himself going by imagining it was Pocket. I mean, he had his eyes closed!!! Beyond me how Juan was able to keep going since Bucky was practically screaming someone else's name so fucking obvious and loud and I have no doubt she heard it since she's a super soldier but she's a different level of delusional so I'm not even surprised. Taking what she could get probably.
I can't WAIT to see feral protective Bucky on the next part. And as much as I want to see all the action, I kinda want him to see him be so calm with his confrontation with Jude. Because you know what would truly break that snake? Bucky telling her over and over and over how he could never love someone like her in all the languages and all the phrases he could. Is it evil of me to want him to break her down on a mental level rather than physical? Because to me, that would be a much more worth it revenge with all the emotional and mental abuse she's done on Pocket and Bucky. Because yeah, Pocket saying those things already hit a nerve. Now imagine it coming from Bucky's mouth? The man she claims she "loves"? Either way, I have no doubt you're going to feed us well so I'm going to be happy not matter what happens. I CAN'T WAIT.
— Jnon 🤍
\y Beautiful Jnon,he 'dick-in-the-garbage disposal' line will live rent-free in Bucky's head for the rest of his life, lol. I like to imagine that it's a visual that got Pocket through a lot of tough times. I loved writing their banter (tbh, I love writing banter in general, lol). I just adore seeing them in a little bit of domestic fluff. And .Bucky has definitely seen it all before, lol. Literally nothing Pocket's got going on hasn't been exposed to his... intense scrutiny, lol. When it came to leaving Pocket alone, the safehouse was probably the safest place for Bucky to do it. I mean, Carthage knew about the Wiggle Room, but she didn't know where the safehouse was.
I'm pleased (which is weird to say) that the Hydra footage was disturbing-- it was 100% meant to be. Like, back in the '90s (the glorious '90s, which I miss with every fiber of my being), I was a HUGE Hanson fan. Like, so rabid I look back on it with embarrassment, lol. And I was thinking-- there's no one with greater obsessive focus than a teenage girl with a celebrity crush, you know? And it just kind of made sense to me that Hydra would harness that to ensure the greatest success to assure they get their asset back. And Jade's not a teenager, but she grew up in isolation, without peers her own age, so I see her as emotionally stunted. In a weird way, she has that in common with Pocket. They were both prevented from growing up in the natural order of things so they could serve the agenda of men. They're like two different sides of the same coin. And Bucky was so uncomfortable at the idea of seeing Jade get off to photos of him, because she did, essentially sexually assault him-- he was never comfortable having sex with her, and the idea that she was using his photo for sexual gratification long before he ever knew she existed makes him feel even more violated.
Let us discus Jesus Barnes. Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have had impure thoughts of a man, repeatedly, lol. But for real, if you're not familiar, please check out Rock Me, Sexy Jesus from Hamlet 2, which is literally THE ONLY thing I can think about when I see this:
Like, turn my water in whine, please. (I'm not even sure how that works as some kind of filthy entendre, but I'mma leave it 'cause I like how it sounds, lol)
I almost didn't include the bit about Bucky telling Pocket what he actually said to Jade during the mission briefing, but I realized I didn't want her thinking he divulged her secrets. He did some shit, but he didn't do that.
Bucky has not read any fanfics in his life, unfortunately, but this just gave me a hilarious idea for a oneshot where Pocket tries to get him riled up by reading a smutty Bucky Barnes fanfic to him, so thank you for that, lol.
Sad part is, Pocket trusted Dimitri. And I think he trusted her, too, which was why he was so betrayed when he found out she wasn't who she said she was. I did need Bucky to leave Pocket alone, but in his defense, the safehouse was the safest place he could have left her. I mean, Jade knew about the Wiggle Room, knew that she would be working there, but she didn't know where the safehouse location was. So, it seemed liked the safest place at the time, and it would have been if Dimitri hadn't shown up for her. Everyone wanted Pocket to kick Jade's ass, and I wanted it, too, but Jade's always been too strong and fast. All Pocket could use to beat her is her wits.
Having her spy on Bucky and Pocket was actually a late addition to the narrative, and I'm so glad I included it, because it really cements how messed up she is. And it gave her so much ammo to use against them. They really did not stand a chance with her having all that access. (Also, I know you meant "chess game," but you wrote "cheese game" and I am in so in love with that, I'm going to pretend you did it on purpose, lol). I also wanted to show that Jade wasn't just crazy, but she was smart, too, and resourceful, which is what makes her so much more dangerous.
And you're not wrong-- the Russia incident bordered on sexual assault. I don't think he would ever see it like that, being a man from the '40s, but it was. An unenthusiastic yes is just as bad as a no. She pushed and manipulated him so badly, he really had no chance. And once she brought up that purple push up bra? It was over. Without knowing she'd been spying, how could he not believe her?
I'm dying to hear your thoughts about Chapter 28! I can't wait! Love you!
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Tell me about Picking Petals and that time travel AU of TDPI
Is the elimination order different, or does it go the same way as canon?
oh my godddd this ask has been sitting in my drafts for two months now i think?? ive been holding back on answering this bc i wanted to be in the right environment where i can infodump without getting interrupted. im so so super sorry for the long wait, i hope my response makes up for it!!
first of all, TYSM FOR THE ASK DUDE heads up you're gonna prob get a longass ramble abt this from me so yeah lmao without further ado, lets get into it!
PICKING PETALS:
the fic loml, the first EVER td fic i thought up and I've three chapters prewritten for it, half of the fic planned out/outlined, and so many scenes, moments, interactions, etc for it thought up. i'd gotten back into the fandom and while rewatching tdpi for the first time in 7 years i came up with this idea.
started off as purely self-indulgent bc i wanted to write my spin on the truth or scare episode, and then it turned into all this and im so living for it!!
dashawn-centric, obv. it veers off-course from canon during and after episode 4 (the truth or scare one). the overarching plot is 'what if dave and shawn kissed for the scare, and all the shenanigans that followed with getting feelings for someone you didn't expect all bc of one (1) kiss--as well as some other stuff that snowballs from it bc its total drama'. this is TOTALLY canon divergent. the elimination order is 90% different from canon. the characters get way more depth to the point where they may seem like different ppl with only their canon stereotypes reminding them of who they are in canon (not different as in like ooc btw before anyone jumps to that conclusion, i meant different as in a lot of the characters get more of a personality than what canon gave them lmao). a lot of my dave lore spawned thanks to this fic. dave, himself, gets such a fucking glowup from the 2D version of him canon gave while still retaining his 'normal guy' persona. same with shawn tbh, i love the expansion I've done for the characters in this fic ngl, but personally i love how dave turned out
dave & ella friendship, dave & sky friendship, background jasammy, jasmine & shawn friendship, sammy & shawn friendship, mild sammy & dave camaderie/friendship, sammy & amy development, dave & topher rivalry interactions, dave & scarlett interactions, shawn & topher rivalry, the final three being a ball of tension bc of enmity (i wont say who they are), ella getting her development, dives into character backstories and why they auditioned for td, tensionnn of all kinddd, dramaaa of all kinddd, scarlett's evilness actually being foreshadowed before the Great Reveal, etc etc the list just keeps on going!! these folks are gonna have tdi vibes--they're going to act like teens and befriend each other (or hate each other) bc canon tdpi sorely lacked that and imo the pi cast exudes found family vibes
due to how variant the elimination order is, i literally had to create two new challenges for two of the chapters, esp post-merge bc chris was interjecting himself into practically all the challenges in canon lmaoo also tdpi's eliminations were annoying bc why were there two double eliminations for literally no reason? that's gonna change here as well; no double eliminations, and there's gonna be a variant of elimination types (for example: there's gonna be a 'character is too injured to compete therefore obligatory elimination' type happening in this fic--hmmm i wonder who'll be behind the injury... and some more "scandalous" types bc this is total drama, it's not gonna live up to its name if there aren't any eliminations that are 'unfair'!)
starts from ep4 all the way to the finale--and speaking of the finale, the finalists are partly different from canon too. like i said, nearly everything diverges from canon to a degree. i kind of went nuts with this fic lmao its my bby, i treasure it with my heart, i want to write more for it, i want to publish it so badly, but my goal is to get at least 20 chapters into agtsta before publishing picking petals (tho idk i think that plan might change...im considering maybe giving myself breathing time to get more prewriting done until january before starting the new year off right with some picking petals posting!)
REWIND, REPEAT:
the time-travel au fic!! its still heavily in the works so im basically spitballing ideas here, but im thinking of two options.
dave time-travel route:
initially my idea for this fic (can you tell i love putting dave in situations? that boy deserves to be spun in a mixing bowl), and it'd be interesting bc he's sort of like an anti-villain?? bc its directly after the finale when he gets left behind and attacked by scuba bear. he comes across some malfunctioning tech on the island while running away and BOOM next thing he knows he's somehow zapped back to where and when it started--on the blimp at the very beginning of the season. so he is still reeling from everything that occurred and naturally he isn't feeling too lightly abt the whole ordeal
some of my mutuals may know this, but when i was like 10 and watched tdpi for the first time, i made notes for a season 2 au; it involved a personality shift for dave (even when i was 10 he was one of my favs). my idea in the notes was that he became a hollyleaf, if you know warrior cats lmao; he's more reserved, there's this inner turmoil and energy coiled in him, he's an enigma, he doesn't open up much, he has this Dark Secret vibe surrounding him, but he's also clever and will do anything to get to his goal and he has extensive knowledge of the island due to his time on there. this personality remains the same more or less in this fic. the catch is dave acts more in a villainy way but he doesn't rlly have what it takes to be a villain even though a part of him wants to (hence anti-villain). as much as he pretends he doesn't, he still has emotions--just heavily barricaded, and those emotions prevent him from fully losing his head. he forms an alliance with scarlett (and maybe topher??? idk why i love that trio sm, they would be so iconic when it came to villainy; bonus if sugar informally joins too, not as like a set part of their group tho bc she has her own agenda) and has one goal in mind: to get sky eliminated. gone is the lovestruck fool, he's revenge-driven and says he doesn't have time for love bc he's in it for the competition. (idk yet if there will be love interests for him or if this is just gonna be a dave-centric fic). the finalists are prob gonna be dave and sky bc that'd be fucking iconic after the build-up
shawn & dave friendship, topher & dave alliance, scarlett & dave alliance, sugar & dave hesitant alliance, sky & dave one-sided enmity, ella & dave friendship, maybe more depth abt beardo?? or leonard?? jasmine & dave mutual wariness and distrust, chris absolutely loving this version of dave
sammy time-travel route:
development (lots of development!) on sammy's end as well as her relationship with her sister amy. she'll prob be a finalist too?? or at least in the final four/three, and idk i want it to be a sammy & amy finale but idk if that's too cliche lmaoo i think it'd be interesting!
this one's different. shortly after tdpi ended, sammy partakes in a "controlled experiment" with several other teens with the reward of getting paid a somewhat hefty amount. she decides why not, seems simple enough, but when it's her turn there's a fluke and she gets chucked back in time to the beginning of tdpi (which was the last thing she'd been thinking abt before the experiment). however, maybe one or two episodes in, she decides to take charge in the situation she's going through and adopts a 'fuck it we ball' attitude abt the whole thing where she tries to be a different person--the kind of person she's always aspired to be like but amy had always belittled her for--and this makes her less of a pushover overtime and instead more bolder and persistent in getting as far as she can.
she makes new friends that she hadnt noticed or gotten the chance to become closer with when she initially was on the show. maybe ella & sammy friendship, jasammy, either scamy or scarlett & amy 'we're gonna betray each other' alliance OR scarlett & sammy 'friendship' OR a scarlett using manipulative tactics to play both sisters, etc etc.
both her version and dave's versions of this fic idea are different bc neither of them are fixated on the prize money. they have their own agendas for getting ahead of the rest. dave for revenge and beating sky; sammy for being the person she's always wanted to be and actually moving past the box amy placed her in.
third option (that i literally thought up like ten seconds after writing the sammy route):
COMBINE THE TWO OPTIONS, that'd be pretty sick ngl like dave's on the island when he flashes back and believes he's the only one in the past, but sammy, at the same time, had partaken in that experiment and flashed back to the past too; neither know the other is in the same predicament bc they try to hide it thinking they're the only one until like...later in when they start getting Suspicious and maybe some slip-ups occur bc they're tryna keep a low-profile but things happen y'know? they're 16 year olds who figured out time-travel exists, obv they're gonna fuck around and find out. possible alliance between the two once everything is out in the open? out of pure mutual beneficiary? it'd be funny bc both their personas are on opposing sides lmaoo dave & sky finale, with sammy and amy ending up post-merge? sammy's prob still gonna be in the final four, i think, but idk abt amy lmao i still think before amy gets eliminated she and sammy have a Confrontation bc i def need sammy to confront amy one way or another lmao that girl deserves it, they deserve a Heather & Lindsay Confrontation, sammy deserves to call amy a bitch on international television
ooooh and somehow scarlett finds out?? and tries to get her hands on the technology, but obv time is finicky so dave and sammy can't rlly allow that so they gotta stop her as a joint agenda while they have their own separate ones to deal with?? so this paves way for a true scarlett villain?? she'd make it to the final five or three, i think?
for this idea, there are gonna be multiple povs--dave and sammy's--and it's gonna be multi-plot too; dave and his conflict; sammy and her conflict; and how both alter the season bc of said conflicts and their attitudes abt them; plus the scarlett conflict
(y'know what i may end up going this route lmao bc i love both separate versions and im indecisive as fuck so my motto is if you can combine the options do it!)
#noahtally-famous#total drama#kit stuff#kit speaks#td dave#tdpi#td sammy#dashawn#picking petals#rewind repeat#total drama pahkitew island#answered#wooglebear
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your most recent fic destroyed me and now i HAVE to ask— how do you think the chrysalis story/maybe just lottie in general would turn out if she was raised by kris? if something happened to karl but maybe they’re still stuck in the village. obv don’t spoil anything you don’t want to but that little thought experiment killed me.
OHHHH MY GOD Jackal you really do ask the best questions. I had to think about this for a while! It’s funny bc Karl & Lottie are such a package deal in my head and I’m just like… Do Not separate them. Like so much of her personality is just wrapped up in being his horrible little clone and constant shadow that cutting her out of that picture seems almost impossible.
HOWEVER. I can think of several scenarios where they might end up apart (minus him straight up dying bc that isn't fun!!! I say as if what I'm about to talk about is any better lmao.) Like, minor spoiler but this won't happen (obviously) because Reasons - I imagine Karl would want to pay off the Duke to whisk Kris out of the Village before Lottie is born (whether it's because they realize their WHOOPSIE or it's coincidental.) And maybe it happens and Kris of course doesn't hear from him for ~7 years and she forgets a lot of the finer details of his face and his voice doesn't come so easily to mind anymore. And then he does escape and he does get his freedom ending and he finds her and whatever you do, do not think about Karl seeing Lottie for the first time after never knowing her especially in the scenario where he didn't realize she existed oh my god oh mY GOD--
Anyway. To your actual question: I would like to think most of Lottie's gremlin nature is just inherent. It's in the damn HeisenDNA. Like, no matter her circumstances she's always going to be a weird little girl who's a little too into the concept of cybernetic enhancements and bugs and rats. And Kris, being a former weird little girl herself, would definitely support her - but given that particularly the mechanics/engineering part are NOT in her area of expertise, I think she'd have to rely way more on teachers or outside sources to help that part of her blossom. She'd be the mom at the science fair nodding along enthusiastically like she knows what the hell anyone is saying while internally her brain is turning into soup. Would that effect Lottie negatively? I don't really think so, but it might make her less attached because she'd have to seek... enrichment further away from home lol. There’s also the issue of Lottie’s lil magnet powers. Kris would not know what to do with that/how to relate at all obviously. I think that’d cause a whole host of problems - not necessarily resentment on Lottie’s part bc she’d still think it was Neat but I also can’t help but think they’d be more chaotic or out of control after a point. I think it would fuck her up a little bit being the odd one out with no one to relate to and it might make her a bit mad at the world. :( I definitely am inclined to believe Kris would have a metric shitton of anxiety about keeping her away from folks who'd want to study her like a lab rat or worse use her for their goals, and as the child of an extremely obsessive compulsive parent I can tell you that it does rub off and can make you extremely paranoid. Like, Lottie's probably got her own little conspiracy board by age 5 in this scenario lol. Kris only knows protecc, attacc, and panic attacc.
Also, I’m truly trying to avoid saying “she’d be a bit kinder/more thoughtful” bc it feels like gender stereotyping but also Karl is Karl and the bar is on the floor lmao. Kris isn't nice but she does more or less recognize when people deserve kindness. I don't think she'd be better or worse off, overall. But she'd be different, as any of us would. I think what you'd end up with is a more subdued but still slightly feral little mischief maker who is more cognizant of other people's needs and wants but possibly less... funny and over the top in her pursuits as a result lol. I'll let you decide if that's a good or bad thing. Anyway. I'm now thinking too hard about that first scenario I described because you planted the seed lol. Hmmm.
#asks#the short answer is: lottie but goth#lmao. thank you for this truly it was a wild thought experiment and I'm still thinking about it. you might get an au fic out of this.#mourningstarmace
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Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (except me because obvs I have done it). Spread the self-love ❤
Why thank you!
THIS WAS SO HARD mainly because in my head I have two types of fics: ridiculously long and complicated multi chapters and one-shots I wrote at 5am because I was sad and it feels difficult to compare the two.
Anyways in no particular order:
the stars, the moon (they have all been blown out) - I've spoken about this one recently. But yeah, it was my first time writing in present tense and I think it works well with the vibes. I like the sense of Nancy being kinda detached from reality and the majority of the writing being her own thoughts rather than what's going on. I think I had a specific idea for how I wanted this one to feel and it turned out really well!
and I just want to live in the moment (that's all) - again very similar fic which I've talked about recently. another present tense one. I like a lot of the lines in this one, I don't really do poetic-ish descriptions a lot and I definitely leaned into it more with this one. I was going it through it that night I guess, I don't really remember writing it LMAO. Also, as I said in a separate post, I like the un-acknowledged implication that Nancy was maybe about to khs.
and the bells were ringing out (for christmas day) - OH MAN my underrated baddie I love this one so much. Writing from Mike's POV is always a delight, and I loved exploring the idea of him protecting / caring for Nancy, even when he feels out of his depth. Please give this one a read I need more appreciation for it. I promise it's not all that Christmassy, it's fine to read in July!
trapped between two lungs - Every now and then I ask myself 'was it that good or was it just overplanned' and maybe I'm being cocky, but no, I think it was that good. Over-planned? Yes. But I loved it. TBTL Nancy is so special to me, her character was so interesting to explore. It was especially so much fun having S1 go a different way for her and getting to build my own Nancy angst based on what I wrote for her, rather than my usual Nancy angst which is built from the show itself. I loved where her, Robin, and Mike's stories ended up and it was just so much fun to write a plot-heavy Stranger Things fic, especially planning out my own Season 5. It was a lot of fun writing this fic, and I will never ever do it again because it took nine months and I can't be arsed. That's how long babies take to grow.
Float - This is probably subject to change. It's my most recent fic, so at first I was like 'eh maybe I should let it sit a little before putting it on this list' but I had a really hard time picking one of my older ones and honestly? I really like this one. I rarely explore future-Nancy, mainly because the idea of writing a functioning adult terrifies me. But good news! Nancy is not functioning in this fic at all! So it works out great! I love the idea that should everything go well for her, Nancy gets so caught up in the past that she kinda floats through life (hence the title). I also love the fact that when Robin first shows up she seems really well-adjusted compared to Nancy and then not long later you realise that she's fucking insane, too. Also Nancy not knowing how to feel about Holly idolising her is so :C. I also find the idea of Hawkins becoming a tourist attraction deeply funny and didn't plan for that to happen when I started writing.
I am too anxious to tag people personally so if you're a writer YOU'RE TAGGED.
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15 OC Questions
Thanks for the tag, @druidx! I, too, used a randomizer for this, and the wheel told me I should have Guetry answer...so here we are lmao
tagging @drippingmoon, @sleepy-night-child, @ashen-crest, @zmwrites, @oh-no-another-idea, and @pertinax--loculos to do this too! no pressure, obvs.
▽ Guetry Danon Sympa —
Are you named after anyone?
Nope. Well...actually, I think Danon comes from a great-great-great grandfather on my dad's side. Yeah. Danny Sympa—the founder of our vineyard, actually��was Danon, I believe. My mom came up with Guetry because she liked it.
When was the last time you cried?
I don't cry that often, believe it or not. But I think the last time I really let loose was after watching that stupid movie Alec made me watch about the twins that died on separate planets. Something about twins, man, I've got, like, a soft spot for them or something, I swear.
Do you have kids?
...I don't think I'm cut out to be a dad. A good dad, anyway. I've got too much baggage. What with everything I went through with my mom, and being an addict, and the fact that I could barely keep my poor sisters sane as they grew up, I dunno. I'm just not made of strong enough stuff.
Do you use sarcasm?
I think I'm allergic. [sniffs]
What's the first thing you notice about people?
The way they look at anything. People, things in front of them, me, anything. I can tell a lot by the way someone looks at, say, a sandwich. If you're looking at it like it's the best fucking part of your day, you're honestly so cool and maybe a little sexy.
What's your eye color?
Blue. I tried to have a color-changing procedure at the hospital after Scotty was put into my head, but the doc was not receptive to the idea. I said why the fuck not? All I can see half the time is purple anyway, why not portray that outwardly? They said no. And then they stuck me with a six-point-five-billion-credit bill and bullied me until I cried. Ah, that was the last time I cried. [laughs]
Scary movies or happy endings?
Hear me out...a scary movie with a happy ending. Turns out nobody actually dies and the blood-sucking murder clown was really the friends we made along the way.
Any special talents?
Yeah, but I can't talk about them in mixed company.
Where were you born?
Somewhere on the outskirts of The Void.
...Okay, Texas. I was born in Texas.
What are your hobbies?
Well, I've got a band to help maintain. That's Skywaste; I'm the guitarist/keyboardist/digital jockey and also a vocalist, and Alec is the other vocalist and the drummer. I don't really have any other hobbies as being a galactic superstar and an agent for the Consortium take up literally all of my time.
Have you any pets?
Nah. Unless you count the AI in my brain. [Guetry's tattoo and temple flash. He smiles.] Apparently he does not.
What sports do you play/have played?
I tried baseball for a second when I was in school, and that ended quite abruptly when I got pissed off at the pitcher and beaned the ball at his face.
How tall are you?
Six-foot-three, last time I checked. Though I have a pair of boots that get me closer to six-five, six-six. A friend made me try on her heels from her job once and I was near six-nine...the fact that I ate that look didn't scare me so much as just being so high up I had my own cloud system around my head.
Favorite subject in school?
Math. It's weird. Can't do math for shit, but I really enjoyed it.
Dream job?
I'd say I'm doing it now, but that's not entirely true. If I could retire from the 'Sort and just do music full-time, that would be the dream. As it stands now...I'll be lucky if I can squeeze out a week of retirement from their clutches before I ultimately kick the bucket at a hundred years old or something. [laughs]
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so, a random high school memory just popped into my head, and also not so randomly popped into my head from going through my 'relationships I guess' tag.
anyway, I've probs talked before about how anal the catholic school that I went to for high school between 2008 and 2011 (years 7-10) was about the whole "duty of care" thing- especially when it came to formal/prom season in year 10 (2011 for me) and year 12 (2013 for me). so imagine you're one of the 'popular' or 'hot' girls in your year group, and you've got your hot boyfriend whose 21 (yikes in hindsight), that you want to bring to your year 10 formal. the school says no bc of "duty of care"- so then you have to pair up with one of the boys in your year that you don't like in that way- just for the sake of having a formal date/partner.
say you're now in year 12 and you're still one of the popular girls- albeit one of the ones that everyone hates. you want to take your boyfie who graduated the year prior (2012), who is from the same school. however, that also rules him out as a date to your year 12 formal, despite him being only a year older and a previous student of the school. so again, you must take one of your guy friends from your year group to the formal with you.
compare this to the public school that I transferred to for years 11 and 12 (2012-2013). one of my close friends took her 21 year old boyfriend to our year 12 formal. like obvs there's not much you can do, considering nearly all of us (bar people who were late November and December birthdays) were 18, so maybe the teachers at that school felt like they didn't have much of a say of who people brought as their dates to the formal. also two boys from the catholic school actually turned up to this school's formal too.
but it was the distinct form of freedom to me, that the school didn't seem to give a flying fuck about what you did or who your brought along to this event. whereas the catholic school enjoyed sticking their noses into EVERYONES business telling you who you can and can't take to your formals/proms- even if they were former students of the school the previous year- or even current students in the year below you. it's a date from your year or NOTHING- and woe is you if you have the sheer audacity to go alone to the event. what a shame.
but in the case of the girl who in year 10 in 2011 that kept campaigning for her 21 year old DJ (house party dj) boyfriend to not only be the DJ for our formal (he has better music than the DJ the school uses for our socials (school dances)), but also to be her date... like paula. that 21yo grown ass man does NOT love you. you are 15/16. what on earth does this 21yo scumbag douchebag dude have in common with you??? why is he pushing you to take him, as your date, to your HIGH SCHOOL formal??? please don't bring him and stop begging to have him as the DJ.... when it's not the music that he's really there for. it's the access to girls your age.... when he's fuckin 21 and should be nowhere near a teen girl's year 10 formal/junior prom (not counting family tagging along to the photos portion of the event).
because I can see now that the catholic school, to some extent, did care about safety when the 21yo boyfriend wanting to be a formal date thing came into play. because I remember when I turned 21 in 2016, when the 16-18yo year 10 to year 12 students from the nearby high schools would come to my home uni's campus for lunch and decent coffee during their free periods or lunch breaks. i remember thinking "christ they're so young" and stuff like that. whenever I heard them talking amongst each other about their HSCs (end of high school exams) and ATARs (uni entrance marks), I always thought to myself, "god. I remember when that shit actually mattered.... and it doesn't now lmao bc I'm here". and "they really are just kids."
then when I did a couple of first year electives the next year, 2017, and I talked to the 18yos in those classes..... I realised how much I'd grown and stuff in the 4 years since high school had finished for me. and it was esp stark when all those kids kept telling me to turn in my work from high school.... all because that's what they were doing to save time, and they were apparently "getting high distinctions" bc their work was just "so good and intelligently written" or whatever bullshit they told me. so when I told them that, "hey. uh I can't really do that because I've grown so much since late high school that my writing voice is quite different and matured... and I don't think I could make my work NOT sound like it was written by 16 to 18 year old me." to which they'd always respond to me with "well that just means you're NOT a talented enough writer like me. why are you even in an arts degree if you can't make your work sound as good and as smart as mine???" like good luck, dana and jack, when your high school bs work starts running out..... and you realise halfway through uni that you're not as talented as you think you are.... and that your professors were just being nice to you in your first semesters. your teenage hubris will come crashing down soon. trust me.
but my point is that my growth between my late teen years and my early 20s was pretty big. I remember thinking that even the 17/18yos I was with in those 2017 first year electives with were practically still kids. but obvs being 18 and having moved interstate (some of the first years) makes them, to themselves, more mature and worldly than me, who is just a lowly local student vs becca who moved 10 hours away from her family to attend my local uni.
but my point is, to my younger followers, if i have any.... is that your high school has a point with duty of care rules, to not let you take your partner, esp if they're in their early 20s and you're 16-18 for your junior or senior prom. like yes it may be an absolute pain that you have to take laikynn, who is a dumb rudeass jock or the weird kid teddy or yknow- shock, horror you dare to go alone- bc fuck "needing a date" to these things.
but your early 20s partner is at a different stage of life to you- and defs should not be cruising around a year 10 formal/junior prom venue trying to idek "keep an eye on you" or whatever the stupid excuse is about wanting to go with you- let alone date you in the first place. bc never once, in my early 20s, did I want to date a 16-18yo. even if yes, there was only 4 years of age difference between me and the new 18yo uni students in 2017. but that 4 years meant that I was almost graduating, meant that I'd been to business college (this was a rip-off to get me into uni tbh) and had significant other stuff going on that made me grow, instead of y'know, just stagnating and staying in a teenagers mindset.
it meant that I was contemplating my future a bit... where would I go with my english/philosophy degree??? while the new students were still riding the highs of getting their desired ATARs or getting into uni through early entry. probs still thinking nice fluffy thoughts that an arts degree will make them a millionaire and get them hired instantly. when in reality, no one wants to hire you and will instantly pigeon-hole you into a teaching role.... despite your complete disinterest in the job field... and you personally knowing that it's NOT a fit for you.... but i digress.
so yeah. I now realise that the catholic school actually had a point with being hella anal about duty of care when it came to my formals/proms. so to any younger users on here: if some early 20 something person wants to date you, and wants you to take them to your high school event, really question their motives and why on earth they'd really want to go to your year 10 formal/junior prom or even senior events, with you.
you're 15/16 for junior prom/Y10F. take jake from science class or carina from english class. or go alone with your friends, bc you won't die if you don't have a partner for these events.... despite what that society says. or whatever weird bs an older partner could spit out to try to go with you. same goes for senior prom. go with someone your own age, not your 23yo partner who shouldn't be dating a teenager - like bro (gender neutral) knows what rent is and how to pay it. bro knows how to pay interest on a car loan. dump their ass. hell go with a person in the year below you, like i could've done for my year 12 formal. just don't invite some 20 something year old to a high school event it's weird af.... and your school has a point in regards to safety.
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I really do think at one point that Joy completely loses it on Mr. Sweet (screams/cries, maybe even slaps him). Especially around the time in S2 where she feels isolated by everyone. Because this isolation never would've happened if the adults she thought she could trust didn't kidnap her for their selfish greed. Obvs, she doesn't yell @ Victor, bc there's some childhood fear there, but bc Mr. Sweet actually seemed harmless. :(( [the fact she's put through that again at the eclipse 😭]
oh absolutely; actually I’d say she and patricia both do at some point. maybe at the same time.
however I do think it happens s3+, when they’re a) traumatized again for an even stupider reason on the adult’s part; and b) far less scared and far more adult-like in the way they interact with people. i mean, joy is canonically the sassiest person on the planet the entirety of s3 wrt to anyone older than her so it’s actually quite unlikely that she left that school without properly giving sweet a piece of her mind. and patricia’s just Like That and the only people capable of stopping her (her housemates) probably would like to do the same thing anyway by this point.
the reason i say not season 2 is because joy is honestly a bit depressed that year in a way that would make her avoid the adults and/or try to impress them and get on their good side again instead of lashing out. she’s angry and scared and it makes her turn inward and bottle it up (the exception being nina, and even then, she hardly ever confronts the girl—it’s all private conversations and body language and an anonymous blog that we see how she feels, you know?). the mindset needed to correctly recognize who put her in that position (instead of just latching onto the easy target) doesn’t come in until season 3, when joy’s had time to relax for the first time in ages and said easy target is out of the picture, but it still doesn’t get better. idk if that made any sense at all lol but yeah
also tbh i think joy does yell at victor. like i said, unhinged in s3, but also,, she was, after all, his favorite, and that makes her a little more bold when it comes to him. lmao my personal hc aside though—lbr whatever lingering fear any of the kids had for any of the Society members is gone once they’re in their final year and don’t give a flying fuck anymore. no one was ever going to expel joy (despite their threats), not with the potential lawsuits that could come crashing down on their heads if they dared disrupt her education again, and that’s good enough security for her to just do whatever she wants.
seriously, go back and watch any of the times she talks to any adult in 3a. it’s a wonder she manages to avoid detention the entire semester.
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Let's Rewind! Toast watches Voltron: Defender of The Universe (1984)
Season 1, Episode 25: Short Run of The Centipede Express Season 1, Episode 26: The Invisible Robeast
Episode 25: Short Run of the Centipede Express apparently the gg are still in contact with arus because they're sending status reports of a centipede robeast blowing up asteroids in its path i'd rather not hear from the gg ever again thanks
i know this is post ep 20 now, but coran letting the team go observe that damn robeast who's literally a whole galaxy away is eating me whole, i will never forgive coran
Honestly the one thing dotu did right is showing straight up torture, like yea we know the rulers of doom are evil but seeing people forced into a gladiator ring against a robeast for refusing to work on a secret weapon and having the rest of the slaves watch is fucking despicable
Revolt! The slaves snapped after watching one of them get eaten by a robeast and are demanding freedom, sucks to suck lotor, if you kill them you won't get shit done, but if you listen you ALSO won't get shit done
Apparently planet Mora (the planet the weapon is being build on) helped Arus at some point, Hunk seems to remember it, so it must be real recent that's probably the writers way of justifying hunk and allura wanting to go down to help the people, but I think freeing them from slavery against an oppressive government is a good enough reason LMAO
Surprisingly, Keith Lance and Pidge went planet side through the lion head attack, where green literally disconnects her head and launches away, I thought they were going in green because she seems to be the smallest lion also allura wanted to go with Lance and Pidge, but Keith essentially told her to sit the fuck down because he was going instead and to keep watch with hunk LMAO
Where the fuck did pidge go, is he staying in green's head while Keith and Lance act out their spy kids dreams?
Oh god, they tried to censor some guards drinking on duty by calling it some kind of juice OINVSD It's a flask, it's so obviously a flask, though definitely would've worked on kids since they shouldn't have known what it was
ooh real talk time, this dude is swearing loyalty to lotor because he feels abandoned by Voltron, apparently his people helped arus after one of the attacks on it but when their planet own got taken over, voltron was busy elsewhere I understand where he's coming from, it's hard to ignore bad things when it's happening to you so when you actually need help and nobody comes it's devastating
The plan to destroy the secret weapon, which is a laser that's able to fry voltron, goes wrong because of that guy so keith and lance make a break for it the only reason the guy stopped the plan was because lotor was going to kill him, so i don't think he would've said shit if that didn't happen
Why is pidge still in the body of green lion?? I thought he fucking went with them! Everything is so confusing
Time to take down that laser gun, that dude is in charge of aiming it but after keiths pep talk about trusting voltron and not zarkon he ends up shooting it at the centipede express that's coming in for a landing with zarkon and haggar in it it misses, of course, but the guy ends up taking down a tower anyway
i mean i assumed the centipede express was a robeast but seeing it actually set itself up to be one was cool as fuck
Voltron was formed waaay earlier but the robeast is destroyed and the bad guys escape also keith and that one guy have a really weird and really emotionally charged stare for a bit lol
/episode end
Episode 26: The Invisible Robeast Haggar found out how to turn things invisible,,, great Lotor obvs is going to use that to kidnap Allura, sometimes I think that Zarkon isn't on his ass about being driven by his dick more than his head because taking Allura would still make voltron weak enough to destroy
Ew Nanny Pidge keeps inhaling apples, so now his favorite fruit are apples because I say so
your honor i love them
Lance giving Pidge advice on how/where to shoot so the princess doesn't get hurt is the cutest thing, I want to see more of them just being dofuses together
"i just don't like things i can't see" - Nanny you mean like your fucking attitude, but you can definitely see that so no wonder you don't have a problem with it
Keith saves the day from a falling boulder, I know allura going back for nanny was the ethical thing to do but also LEAVE HER TO DIE YOU DON'T NEED HER EVER ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU WERE GOING TO DIE BECAUSE OF HER
The boys tell allura to stay in the castle since the robeast is going after her specifically, for once I agree since for now it's good for her to keep her distance as long as she's still watching Keith and Lance bait it to the desert and watching for it to cast a shadow before all 4 let loose on the thing, smart plan
Animation error? keiths background when he's in his lion is all white and just outlined oh all their backgrounds are like that, maybe to save money
the robeast attacks the castle and lures the boys underwater to blue's launch area, turns out we get confirmation that every lion but blue sucks at being in the water also it's princess time now, she's the only one who can actually do well down there
aaand she's knocked out again, but on the bright side the boys had time to figure out how to beat up the robeast and get her back while it was distracted
Voltron's formed, robeast defeated, everyone's safe, hooray!
/episode end
#voltron#voltron defender of the universe#voltron dotu#80s voltron#let's rewind!#toast talks#these two felt like filler episodes tbh#something not as serious as other episodes are
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ok so an idea has been floating around in my head for some time so I'll just put it here
concept : quirkless people look more "normal" than other people (ie: natural hair color, eye color etc).
following on that, quirked people look less "normal" and it's tied to their quirk in some way.
Katsuki had red eyes cuz yknow... red. (in my brain Katsuki's eyes are more of an orangey red to differenciage him from the ten thousand other characters with red eyes, so it fits a bit more w/ explosions ig?). similarly, Nejire's hair's blue, Tamaki's got pointy ears, and yknow. Mina's EVERYTHING.
Mina doesn't need to be pink and horned and stuff to make acid, it doesn't have anything to do with her quirk, but it does.
where I'm going w/ this is mainly doing funky stuff w/ characters who were originally quirkless and got a quirk (i actually talked about that in a headcanon post but anyways)
taking Yuuga, my baby boy. I headcanon my child as part-french (because obv) so his hair is naturally blond. before getting his quirk, his eyes were just brown. acquiring the lazer quirk made his eyes a sparkly blue, similar to the color of the lazer. boom.
All Might now. I can do this either the hardcore way or the soft way (this sounds weird. it's fine) : starting with hardcore, toshinori used to have black hair and dark eyes, and perhaps he dyed his hair blond. when he got One For All, his hair actually turned blonde and his eyes blue. the soft way is to say his hair was blonde naturally.
to talk about Izuku I'm gonna introduce another parameter to this : this whole thing isn't an absolute rule. some quirked people will look completely normal, like Aizawa, and some quirkless people will have unrealistic characteristics, like midoriya, both cases because of their parents. Izuku's mom is green as shit, it would look weird if Izuku came out black hair black eyes basic ass boy (though we don't know what his dad looks like but yknow)
So Izuku is quirkless, but he does have his funky green hair and eyes, though perhaps his hair was darker and his eyes a duller green before getting One For All.
Now how would One For All affect its users' appearances. Cuz all of them look different and most of them already had quirks.
I think the colors kind of as OFA gets passed around more. Originally, the second user got light green mixed into his characteristics, bc Yoichi's eyes are this color. Then second's color mixed w/ third's, etc, slowly erasing the green.
it's kinda nice that it comes back to green then.
so Izuku, after getting OFA, would get lighter hair and eyes, and some blue mixed in from All Might's eyes (im also realizing idk what Nana's color really was? she just looks as non descript as aizawa lmao).
As he gets stronger and masters the quirk, the blue is more apparent (ie: overhaul fight, my man's blue as shit) and then the other colors (somehow idk). Green would stay dominant bc it's his og color and because it's also. The Og Color thanks Yoichi.
also i think that if the quirk was given and then taken back, the characteristics acquired would stay, like how all might still looks like himself after giving OFA to izuku.
So Heroes Rising. Because I can't not talk about it. I guess Bakugou didn't get the quirk for long enough for many characteristics to be given to him, but his eyes would be brighter perhaps.
ok idk where I was going w/ this but I needed to get this out of my system bye
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idk typing shit out should help. sometimes when i tpe stuff i get tired haflway cause like. who's gonne see this. who cares. right
anyway. hope i tyoe it all out this time lmao.
two of my friends have now said something seems off about me, and i know it. one of them i haven't talked to in a while, and when i said idk what was wrong with me or idk what he meant, he said maybe it's subconscious and i don't know what's wrong with me. i was like yeah sure.
i thought about telling him, but then it just felt so weird, i've never told my friends any of this stuff. sometimes i resent them for not knowing but then i also kinda know i'd regret it forever if i did.
anyway the way i was gonna frame it to him was; i saw a reel like yesterday that was like "when you do something so cringy and then later gain some self-awareness and you're like wtf was i doing" yeah that happened to me today haha. so basically my mom was making burgers, and i was helping like i always do, and she was talking about how my sister can't come down to help cause she has a tuition class going on. and she later checked her phone and my sister's tuition teacher had sent her a text saying basically, hey, [name] didn't take class today.
my. mom. lost. it. she went upstairs, where my sister was sleeping, and started screaming her head off at her. idk whether she hit her. she came down after like 5 minutes and started yelling at me about how she's told me countless times to check on my sister before coming down around this time to make sure she's taking her class, and i never do and stuff. i don't usually talk back when she's yelling, responding kinda takes way too much energy out of me.
anyway then she started yelling about it at my dad, who also never responds to her and just listens. also in the meanwhile i was just making the burgers. but thing is, when we have burgers, it's like the whole family sits around and we talk and stuff while eating and it's usually kinda fun? but like obv the whole vibe was ruined, my mom wasn't gonna shut up, she was gonna continue on how nobody cares about her bla bla right
that's not the thing though. thing is. idk what happened to me. my mental state in the kitchen was slowly unraveling like. i did everything i was supposed to, took out the fries, salted them, put ketchup in the saucer, made my mom's and brother's burger. my sister later came down and i had already prepared the 'be kind' monologue in my head. like my mom's being mean enough to her, i don't need to take my anger on the mom out at her yk. she didn't need any more cruelty from anyone. and she came downstairs, and i told her how i'd kept her burger bun uncut cause i knew she liked doing it herself, told her there were fries out on the table and she should get some if she took her plate upstairs to eat.
like. i could feel myself acting fine but when i went to put the tray down on the table it kinda slammed down in front of the mom, so hard that some of the fries fell out. like 3 or 4, not just like one or something too. i apologized and was like actually surprised cause i had expected to put it down gently. and when i went to give the mom her burger, i put it down very gently but i had to like be very mindful of it.
i made my own burger tho, and almost ran upstairs, and i just fucking. couldn't.
i fucking lost it as well. i couldn't breathe, i felt kinda dizzy? idk how to describe it. like i felt like crying. i started taking deep breaths and everything was coming out shaky even though i wasn't crying. i couldn't sit up, like i could but it made me feel worse, so i laid down on the ground and closed my eyes, and was like taking deep breaths and shit but there were tears coming out of my eyes? then i didn't like the light, and every time i opened my eyes i felt worse, so i got up to turn off the lights and lock the door. then i came back and laid down on the ground in the same place and position. laid like that for like 5-10 whole minutes.
basically i had like a meltdown or a tantrum or something, all cause my mom yelled at my sister.
i didn't even feel like getting up when i forced myself to cause i thought: taylor swift always makes me feel better, and my food's getting cold. so i watched the eras tour movie while trying to eat my food. trying cause i just. idk like i lost control. i couldn't muster up the energy to lean forward then pick the burger up and bite it then chew it then swallow it. so i just sat there like eating the fries cause i could do that. also taylor swift did make me feel better, she always does lmao. i ate the burger like a minute or two after that.
and like. i know it's not "cringy" or whatever, or like no-one else would think so, but it's just. idk what happened to me.
later i was talking to another friend and they said something about how i should tell people to fuck off more often, and i was sending them a voice note where i was reminding them of the time i said i didn't ever wanna be mean to any one and one of the main things i wanted to be in life was to be kind. and i almost fucking started crying again. then i thought about like, maybe i could tell them about what happened today, but i couldn't open my mouth to do it. i literally couldn't fucking talk, i just sat there.
so like. all in all. a bit of an over-the-top reaction to something that fucking mundane yk. and like i know it's normal to have over-the-top reactions sometimes as long as you're not doing it all the time but. idk i'm just fucking scared for next time. i'm also scared that i may forget this memory so i wanted to like have it written down somewhere, so i know i'm not going crazy or something.
all of my friends are telling me i seem off and i'm idk. i think i used to be depressed when i was like 11-14, and i think i'm falling back into it after having a couple good years. i'm saying *i think* i used to be depressed and *i think* i might be again cause i'm not like formally diagnosed and i've been to a therapist (albeit a pretty shitty one), so like. armchair diagnoses help no one and they take attention away from people who are actually suffering so i don't wanna walk around with big false label on my head to gain sympathy from people.
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holy damn lover another MASTERPIECE is here!!! (yeah it took me an eternity to read it, i hate uni) honestly my lifespan expands by at least five years whenever i read about chris and charles.
1. "you're stuck with me now, boyfriend and all that" catch me SCREAMING why do i feel so emotional this is not normal
2. the way charles cooks breakfast and in the meantime keeps leaning over her shoulder to correct the padel video LOVE LOVE LOVE i can so imagine him like this fr + let's also mention the beauty of a line "i'm going to padel you upside the head" bc it's just perfect
3. chris correcting charles' english 😭 but in this cute and definitely not rude way 😭 and charles doesn't mind, not when it's her correcting him 😭
4. "hold your fire, find your english" I LOVE THIS lmao i'm so gonna use this the next time my sis and bro in law comes to visit (he's not from my country) there were so many instances when i could've used this in the past. i will now. thank you for blessing me with it.
5. "why did i not know this?" - "i don't know. why didn't you know that?" - "google said nothing about this." - "you googled me?!" - "you didn't google me? ...yeah, that's what i thought." THIS WHOLE DIALOGUE. i mean i still don't know why i'm fangirling over it so hard bc it seems sich a simple conversation. maybe it's the fact that it's chris and charles. but. i just do. love it.
6. chris blushing when charles casually implies that she'll visit many times. and the line "he doesn't have to take special care to include her in his life, he just does it - does it like he's always been doing it, always been sharing these small parts of his life with her." OMG this is what i live for. god when is it my turn??
7. the detail of charles bringing a napkin to his mouth so he can reply to her sooner SO REAL. these are the things that make this story feel like you're actually living through it
8. another detail that made me scream bc it's just REAL REAL, is when they're walking and chris moves a bit further away from him subconsciously and charles pulling her right back 😭😭 also, charles saying that she will ruin his first impression in the eyes of her family lmaoo
9. charles testing his knowledge of her family while she tries to finish her book 😭😭 so so so adorable! and "my perfect little angel" OMFG
10. let's not forget about charles worrying his ass off bc he doesn't want to ruin everything by making a stupid mistake and ruining her family's opinion and her own like come on 😭😭 this is so charles and you can't convince me otherwise
11. "she can't possibly understand it because he doesn't even properly understand it, the way he feels about her." poetic. truly poetic. 🫶🏼✨
12. charles trying to convince chris to go back to bed by pointing out how warm and soft it is AND then them running around. his reaction time (obvs), the way he catches her with a strong grip AND how he carries her back to bed. *chefs kiss*
13. well. the smut. let's just say that i loved it. & "never apologise for that" !!!!! jesus bloody hell. and now let me not continue bc then i'll be burned for the things i'd write
14. him mumbling in french (already dying bc that's the best thing ever) and her asking him if he's talking trash about her. yes. <33
15. that final phone call. already the fact that he wanted her to call asap when she gets home. and then the call itself. charles being a child about the hickey, them terribly trying to overcome the language barriers, and then the "thank you for calling me." - "thank you for wanting me to call." i'm dead. this must be heaven.
oh mack you did it. once again. as you always do. you make me scream, giggle, cry, smile, stop breathing, throw my phone away. i adore this story, i adore your mind for coming up with it and then creating this masterpiece with all these gorgeous words, and i adore you. <333
miss americana & the heartbreak prince
—05. Monte Carlo Ave. —word count: 9.3k —warnings: obvious implications of sex, no smut. club activities, so much fluff you'd wish you were dead. angst in the middle. love, mackie... so, just like chapter 4, there is a nsfw cut of this chapter whose link is embedded in the post. all nsfw warnings will be on that post. thank you for bearing with me while I took my sweet ass time writing this next part--there is no exaggerating how busy my life has become in the past couple months.
He wakes up at five-thirty-seven in the morning, exactly twenty-three minutes before his alarm is set to go off. Charles can’t remember the last time he was awake before his alarm, or the last time his alarm at home was set to go off before the sun rose.
It was fear that woke him up—fear of waking her up.
Her. Chris. His girlfriend, who is sound asleep next to him, in his bed, in his apartment, in his city.
She’s a cute sleeper, he knew—he knew, because she’d fallen asleep on FaceTime calls half a dozen times, because he’d watched her for a nearly creepily amount of time in Abu Dhabi, when he couldn’t believe she was actually there. She’s a cute sleeper, and yet, the shine hasn’t worn off yet, because he still watches.
She’d gone to bed in a hoodie from work and no pants, because, of course she had. Of course she had. She’s got one hand awkwardly craned under her pillow and another wrapped up in the comforter like it’s a finger trap, and her hair is messy, so messy and half-stuck to her cheek. It’s fucking adorable, and he feels so lucky.
He gets nervous then, nervous that she’s going to wake up and he’s going to be staring and it’s going to be weird, so. Instead of continuing to ogle, he reaches for his phone from the nightstand, turns the volume all the way down and scrolls through social media pretending not to steal a glance every time she takes a deep breath or moves a muscle.
It’s half an hour before she yawns awake, and he’s relieved that he doesn’t have to wake her up, after all.
“Morning,” he says, clicks the power button on his phone and lets it fall face down on his chest.
Chris smiles. “Morning,” she breathes, and leans over to kiss him.
“Mmm,” he hums, pushes his index finger against her lips. “What happened to morning breath?” He asks.
“Nope,” she speaks against his finger, threatens to bite it. He knows he wouldn’t stop her, but moves his finger anyway to kiss her properly, to let her smile out of it. “You’re stuck with me now, boyfriend and all that.”
“Gross,” he smiles. “I love it.”
She flops back against the mattress with a laugh, “What time is it?” she asks, leaning over to reach for her own phone.
“Six,” he hums. She scowls at her lock screen. “We have plans at seven.”
“Oh?” She peruses, sits up to stretch properly, to yawn again and ruffle her hair and God, she is so beautiful. He might never get over it.
“Padel…” he smiles, wonders if he’s about to get in trouble, to start their first fight as a couple at six in the morning on a Tuesday. He probably should have run this past her, he thinks, run all of it past her. He’d just gotten so caught up in the planning of it all. “...with my brothers.”
Her hands flop from her hair onto the comforter, landing with a soft thud on the padded fabric. When she looks at him, she’s still smiling, but her eyes are tired, confused. “Baby, what is padel?”
– – –
They cook breakfast together—well, Charles cooks breakfast. Chris spends the entire time leaning against the kitchen counter cradling her phone, watching a YouTube video on the basis of padel playing. Charles keeps leaning over her shoulder, plastic spatula in hand, and correcting the man in the video. That’s not what you do, he hums. They don’t know what they’re talking about.
After the fifth comment in as many minutes, she turns to him with a chill-inducing glare. “I’m going to padel you upside the head,” she says, with a smile on her face—which only makes it that much more terrifying. He nods, steps back from her shoulder and returns to the crepes he’s butchering on the stovetop.
– – –
“I have to know,” she asks, sat on the floor in the bedroom, in the limited space at the end of the bed, tying her shoes. “What was the plan if I didn’t pack workout clothes?”
“Eh,” he mutters, rifling through the hangers of sweatshirts hanging in his closet. “I would have put on you some of my clothes,” he continues, pulls his two best options down from the hangers and holds them up for her. One, a blue Ferrari crewneck. The other, gray, from his friend’s line.
“You would have put me in your clothes,” she corrects his English, and if it was anyone else he’d find it insufferable. But he doesn’t, not with her, so he chuckles and his smile grows and he can feel his dimples. For the dramatics, though, he rolls his eyes.
“Which one?” He asks, taking turns raising the two sweatshirts.
“As tempting as the team kit is,” she laughs, and he tosses the gray one to her. He could have guessed the gray one, he thinks, but she’s surprised him more than once before. “Thank you,” she hums, pulling it over her head and carefully fixing the wisps of hair that fall from her tonytail when she does it.
“Always,” he nods, holds a hand out to pull her to her feet.
– – –
Arthur and Lorenzo are already at the court when Chris and Charles arrive, attempting—and failing—to play a round of singles padel on the doubles court Chalres had reserved for the morning.
Just as they approach, a shot ricochets off of Arthur’s racquet and flies past Lorenzo, colliding with the glass wall behind him with a thud. Lorenzo jogs after the ball, laughing, pointing at his brother in a sore act of celebration.
Arthur is just as sore a loser. “Ah!” He calls out, gesturing with his own racquet to the tape that runs along the top of the net. “Filet!” Net!
Lorenzo blows air from his cheeks and scoffs, firmly bouncing the ball against the ground a few times before picking it up properly. “S'il te plaît!” Please!
“Mon pote, allez,” Mate, come on, Arthur groans. “Ça tremble encore!” It’s still shaking!
“Arthur, j'étais à trois mètres,” I was three meters away.
Charles grins, pulls open the door to the court, holding it open for Chris to step in front of him. “Retiens ton feu,” hold your fire, he calls out to his brothers, “trouve ton anglais,” find your English.
Both boys' heads shoot over, scowls still apparent. “Do you see this? Do you see him run into this net?” Arthur shouts, still gesturing wildly with his racquet.
“Do not let him convince you, you know what you saw,” Lorenzo interjects, carries on even though the game has been abandoned and they instead jog over to greet Chris and Charles. Lorenzo is first over, kissing either of Charles’ cheeks. “You saw this?” He asks, and Charles laughs, nods.
“I did.”
“Bullshit,” he laughs, shoves Charles’ shoulder and turns to greet Chris. “You?”
Charles expects to find some apprehension on Chris’ face, something that shows she’s not sure of her place yet, but he doesn’t find any. Confidently, she speaks, “He’s crazy, you weren’t even close,” and then kisses each cheek.
Lorenzo tosses his arm around Chris with a laugh. “Charles,” he speaks, points to her with the same hand that’s thrown over her shoulder. “My team.”
Charles chuckles. “I try not to make a habit of telling my girlfriend what to do.” Chris blushes at the very mention of it—girlfriend. If he knew it would be that easy to make her blush he would’ve asked weeks ago. He might’ve asked in Austin, if he’s being completely honest with himself.
“Oh-ho?” Arthur’s already teasing, clapping his hands on Charles’ shoulders and laughing like a madman. “Girlfriend, huh?”
Neither of them—Chris or Charles, say anything. Between the flush of her cheeks and the depth of his dimples, they might as well have it spray painted on their foreheads. “Right,” Lorenzo offers, “well, Chris, as the only person around here with some sense, you’re on my team.”
“You can have her,” Charles teases, Lorenzo quirks a brow. “She has no idea how to play, but also she is a rule master.”
“Abandoning your own girlfriend,” Chris interjects, the same teasing tone laced in her voice. She pretends to shiver, grand and dramatic, even though it’s eighteen degrees and sunny and she’s got long pants and a sweatshirt—his sweatshirt on. “It’s cold, man.”
He rolls his eyes, sticks a racquet in her hand and moves to kiss her, which is more than close enough to Lorenzo for him to abandon his position next to Chris, retreating to the safety of the court, bouncing the padel ball as he walks. “Ready to take us?” Charles asks quietly, just to her. Arthur is somewhere in the space behind him gulping a water bottle in an almost comical manner.
“Ready as I’ll ever be,” she replies, half-chuckled, demeanor light and bouncy. There’s something about her that always seems full of energy, ready to take on whatever is put in front of her head-on.
“Don’t worry,” he practically whispers, winks and gives her shoulder a soft squeeze. “I’ll go easy on you.”
Chris clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth, feigns offense and scoffs loudly, bringing the head of the racquet up to the center of his chest, pushing him back a few steps. “Don’t you dare.”
He doesn’t know what’s gotten into him, offering—practically promising—to let someone else win. There’s still a basket somewhere in a storage closet full of broken video game controllers from his childhood. And once, for three entire weeks when they were six and nine, he and Arthur weren’t allowed at the dinner table together because they would race to finish their food and promptly get sick. Then again, it is Chris, all bouncy ponytail and quick wit in his home in his clothes, so. Maybe it isn’t as far-fetched as it seems.
As expected, it becomes apparent quickly that Chris is a beginner at a game the boys have spent years playing. She misses shots and struggles to find her footing and the best positioning, but it doesn’t crush her mood, dampen her energy. Lorenzo—her teammate, takes on quite a coaching role, offers an equal amount of encouragement and advice.
She’s a quick learner, though. Charles knew she would be. So, despite the sound loss she and Lorenzo take in the first game, she manages a decent amount of solid shots and a spattering of genuinely impressive ones. She’s quick, that’s her advantage. She might not know what to do when she gets to the ball, but she always gets there. And, when she scores her first point, actually jumps into the air when she gives Lorenzo a high-five, he can’t help but find himself soft, a smile tugging on his lips, holding back on the points that follow in hopes of seeing her goofy grin again.
“You did quite well out there,” he tells her when they’re between games. Her eyes light up and she hums around a mouthful of water, hurries to swallow it before she laughs.
“Really?” She coughs, clears her throat. “You think?”
He nods. “You’re quick,” he mutters before taking a drink of his own water.
“I ran track in high school.” He quirks a brow, which makes her smile, which makes him choke on a laugh mid-swallow. You’d think neither of them had ever had a drink from a plastic water bottle before.
“Really?” She nods, hums her response, toying with her ponytail. Her bangs are loose, untucked from her ears and her hair-tie, and he feels the overwhelming urge to brush it from her face. “Why did I not know this?”
“I don’t know,” she shrugs. “Why didn’t you know that?”
“Google said nothing about this.”
“You Googled me?!” Briefly. Briefly, he had googled her at the very beginning of it all. Really, it was more Googling her family than it was her, they are the ones with all the information out there. He needed to make sure he wasn’t starting something with a raging white supremacist or a murderer.
“You didn’t Google me?” She scratches the back of her head, not-so discreetly looks anywhere but her. “Yeah,” he laughs. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
With a playful eye roll, she promptly changes the subject: “you want to be on my team?”
“I…” he laughs, “...don’t know if we are there yet.”
“Oh,” She laughs, brows raised with a goofy smile and it’s official—her laugh is never going to not give him butterflies, never not going to be so much better in person. “The truth comes out.”
Chris is soundly defeated in three straight games, despite finding herself with a new teammate each round—first Lorenzo, then Arhur, and finally, after five minutes of her best puppy-dog eyes, the most competitive man alive ( her boyfriend) agreed to be her teammate.
It’s hours later by the time they leave the country club—no, no, Charles said it was specifically a padel club. They part ways with his brothers and then they’re driving back through the winding streets to his apartment. She ogles, like she’s been doing since she got here, all the careful, intricate architecture and the perfectly manicured manner of the whole place. It’s like people don’t live here, like she’s in a made-up land. She latches onto every imperfection—a crack in the sidewalk, a shrub with a single projection, a half-ragged French flag on the stern of a super yacht. It makes it all feel human, lived in, like the place someone can grow up, the place he grew up.
After two hurried showers and a change of clothes they set off for lunch at Charles’ self-proclaimed “favorite restaurant.” It’s a sushi place, which she finds interesting, because not once has she heard him talk about sushi when talking about his favorite foods.
Charles parks in a garage that’s a fifteen minute walk from the restaurant because, as he puts it, she’s walking the streets with the nation’s best tour guide. He starts the tour with the middle three corners of the Grand Prix, in reverse order—the hairpin, mirabeau bas, and portier, and then they take the quarter-or-so mile walk to the first of many monuments that Chris wouldn’t even attempt to pronounce in her own head. It’s there, somewhere between the forced tourist photos he snaps of her at Le Pêcheur and the one at the Promenade Princesse Louise-Hyppolyte, the truth comes to light.
“What do you mean you did not tell anyone you were here?!” He exclaims all dramatic-like, dropping the phone from in front of his face, abandoning the search for what he considers the perfect angle. “You left the country, Chris.” She shrugs, doesn’t really see the big deal in all of it. It’s not like she… no, it is like she purposely didn’t tell people. That’s exactly what it is, actually.
“I thought we were keeping this on the down-low.”
“Not that low!” He scolds, but she can tell he wants to laugh. He should, she thinks. It’s funny. “What if you die?”
She rolls her eyes. “Are you planning on killing me?” He glares daggers, burns a you’re not funny look into her head. “Letting me be killed?” She’s sure it annoys him to no end, positive almost, but it’s not like she can go back in time and tell everyone, and even if she could, she’s not sure she would. She likes this being just theirs, at least for now, while they can still manage it. She likes not having to report back to her parents—to her dad, especially—about her hotshot, young punk racing driver of a boyfriend and the silver spoon he feeds her french delicacies with.
He sighs, shoulders wildly heavy, and holds her phone back out to her. His eyes are soft, frustrated in a way she didn’t expect them to be. She really didn’t think it was that crazy of a decision. “You should have told someone,” he says, and she feels immensely guilty.
“Hannah knows,” she blurts, an honest offer of anything she has to not get such a serious look from him. He’s not meant to be serious.
“Hannah knows?”
“She knows I went somewhere. I didn’t tell her where,” she says. I didn’t tell her where because my brother and father don’t want me to date a race driver, she doesn’t say, because that would only make him more nervous.
“You should have told someone you were here,” he says, drags out the vowel sounds and tosses an arm over her shoulder. He kisses her temple, pulls her into him and chuckles. Okay, okay. He’s not actually upset.
“Probably,” she nods, a smile pulling on the corners of her lips. “I can tell them when I get home, if you want. Start some drama over Thanksgiving dinner.”
“Oh, yeah, I’m sure making a good impression will not be hard after that.”
MayaBay, that’s the name of his favorite restaurant, Thai and Japanese and a sushi bar that Charles talks about for the entire walk there. Apparently securing a reservation at the restaurant was hard enough, but a seat at the coveted sushi bar was something else entirely, and, according to Charles, was his first failed call after Chris’ visit was planned. She tries to tell him that it doesn’t matter where in the restaurant they eat, but he’s insistent that he’s going to try again and again, and again every time she comes to visit until he can manage to get them in.
Her cheeks flush red at the revelation and she continues to hold out hope he’s oblivious to the heat that radiates from her face every time he meets her with some sort of compliment or insistence of inclusion. She doesn’t even think he’s conscious of the latter, which makes it all that more special. He doesn’t have to take special care to include her in his life, he just does it—does it like he’s always been doing it, always been sharing these small parts of his life with her.
Lunch is enough to leave her full for the entire day. Po Pia Kung and Ceviche and Roti and Nigiri—two plates, no wasabi, per Charles’s request—and she’s worried that she’ll be full before getting the chance to lay eyes on their entrees.
“This place is so special,” she tells him from across the tiny table, around the too-big centerpiece. “Thank you.”
He hums around a mouthful of Roti, brings a napkin to his mouth when he swallows so he can start talking that little bit sooner. “For what?”
Chris shrugs. Thank you… for. For. For everything, she supposes. “For wanting me here.”
He smiles, dimples digging deep, cheeks turning a rosy shade of pink when he adjusts in his seat, leans forward enough that it’s just barely perceivable. “Thank you for wanting to be here,” and you blush right back.
It’s got to be quite the sight for any onlookers, the two of them acting all middle-school. They aren’t aware enough of the other people in the restaurant for it to be of note, and even if they were, they wouldn’t care.
It’s Pad Thai for the main course with a side of three bites of Charles’ Kadou Yang stolen in the midst of quiet conversation, and then, as if they haven’t shared everything else already, they split the restaurant’s signature, meant to share dessert.
“So,” he hums, somewhere on the walk back to the car—or, to the surprise Charles refuses to reveal that’s on the way back to the car. He swings their interlocked hands between their body, drags the action out in the same way he does the vowel. “When do I get to come to Georgia?”
It takes her by surprise, puts a kiddish smile on her face. It should be obvious that he would want to come, because, well, it’s where she lives. But, every conversation has always been about her coming to him. And it makes sense to her, because he’s always moving and she’s always in the same place. It makes sense that he wouldn’t come to her, but now that she thinks about it, it makes more sense that he would. “You want to come to Georgia?”
“That,” he laughs, “that is a silly question. Of course I want to.”
“Well, I mean. You’re always welcome, but I don’t know what your schedule looks like.” She knows it’s a mess, undoubtedly, even if she’s never laid eyes on it. She can only imagine the amount of people wanting him in places year round, and having all of that squished into a couple month period of time? She wouldn’t be surprised if he spends more time traveling in the offseason than he does when he’s actually racing.
“I don’t know what it looks like, either,” he takes out his phone and clicks through half a dozen apps with his free hand—the one not intertwined with hers. “Uh…,” he chuckles at the screen like even he can’t believe just how in demand he is. “Next month I’m in Italy for some days, then France for Christmas and London for New Year.” Chris leans over to look at his calendar.
“What about there?” She asks, pointing to the block of dates that are empty between his color-coded trips to Italy and France. “My brother’s wedding is that weekend,” she says, and then realizes how crazy the proposition sounds and instantly attempts to retract it, “but you probably don’t want to go to that.”
She’d love more than anything to have him at Chase and Hannah’s wedding, but she can understand why he would want to do anything else. It’s one thing to make him travel all that way, but then to make him travel all that way for a wedding, where he’ll have to meet the parents and the siblings and dog—that’s just a cruel thing to imply is expected of him. It’s certainly no way to keep him wanting to come back for another visit.
He bumps his shoulder against hers. “I love weddings.”
“Yeah?” She bumps back, dumb little smile on her face. “When you don’t know anyone there and your girlfriend is in the bridal party?”
He nods. “Yes.”
Unconsciously, she puts distance between their arms, to keep from getting too hot or to keep them from tripping or maybe for no reason at all because she really doesn’t notice that she does it. “My whole family’ll be there,” she continues meekly, and their arms are almost taught.
“Good,” Charles scoffs, and pulls her right back to his side, like even an arm’s length is too far. “I can fix the first impression you’re going to break.”
Chris rolls her eyes, both at his words and his actions—painfully endeared by both. “Why are you so convinced I’m going to have something bad to say about you?”
“I’m not worried really about what you say, but your father is not going to like me if you say to him, ‘this is my boyfriend who I saw in two different countries without telling to you.’”
“Yeah,” she nods, bites back a laugh against the skin on the inside of her cheek. It shouldn’t be as funny as it is to her; the state of her life. “Yeah, you definitely have a point there,” she cuts the vowel short, chokes on a laugh, sucks in her own lips in an attempt to keep them from spilling, the laugh escaping silently through her nose. He meets her with a matching—no, a somehow dramatized mirroring—of her expression that only makes it that much harder not to laugh. When she finally does break, there are practically tears in her eyes, and it was never even that funny.
He smiles at her laugh, like always, and shakes his head. “I will have to come to this wedding to do damage control.”
“Probably,” she nods, still laughing. It’s like it’s all just sunk in for her—the boyfriend. The long distance boyfriend, as in, long distance. Whatever everyone else considers long distance, times the distance of the Atlantic Ocean and the average net worth of his hometown. The fact that he was a stranger just a few months ago, and now she’s in her second foreign country in three days with him and it all feels so normal. The fact that she didn’t even want to go on that Hot Lap—hot laps, plural— or that she didn’t have any interest in going to the race. If she’d tried just a little bit harder to get out of it, or stayed in the beer tent for just ten minutes longer or, or, or. It’s not funny at all, and yet it’s hilarious.
“You’re ridiculous, you know this?”
“I know this.” She sighs, deep and slow and grounding, one stray chuckle slipping through her lips before she can continue. “Don’t book any flights, then—Until I make sure it’s all good with Hannah.”
“Yes ma’am,” he says, salutes her with his phone still in his hand and everything.
“Okay, so,” Charles sighs, drops his head against the pillow with a soft plop. Lunch was hours ago, now, succeeded by a walk around the Japanese Gardens, a trip to the supermarket because his fridge is, as Chris so affectionately referred to it as—bachelor pad chic—and a personal tour around the Prince’s Car Collection where he got to show off his favorite memories. It’s after dinner, even. After half-stale pasta made by him and meal-saving chicken expertly prepared by her, after two episodes of a French reality show with English closed captioning, after a day he won’t soon forget. It’s then, in bed, while she reads the final pages of the book she’s been cutting away at for weeks now, that he tests his knowledge on the information he’s been quizzing her for afternoon. “Chandler is the oldest, and she’s dating Alexis.”
“Correct,” Chris says, turns the page on her book.
“But the drama is that Alexis doesn’t like any of your family, so she and your sister moved away and don’t come to anything.” She hums her response this time, and he wonders if she’s even listening all that much or if he could get her to agree to anything right now. “And then Chase is in the middle, he’s marrying Hannah. But the drama is Hannah was—” before he can even get the next word out, she’s glancing over at him to interject. “Hannah is your best friend, and was before Chase dated her. And she has a little boy named Reid with a dickhead.”
“Yup.”
“And then you, my perfect little angel.”
She smiles at the pages of her book. He likes making her smile. “Don’t forget it.”
“Your parents are Bill and Cindy, short for… William and,” he pauses. She pauses. He has no idea what Cindy is short for. “Lucinda?” Chris blinks, hard, dog ears the corner of her page and shuts her book. If he didn’t already know it was a pretty shit guess, he sure knows it now. Sometimes a blink is worth a thousand and one words.
“No,” she says, furrows her brows so subtly that it shouldn’t be recognizable, but it is. And then she blinks again.
“I knew that,” he boasts, his best cocky tone and a matching smug expression on his face. “I was just testing you.”
She chuckles, leans to her right to set the book down on the bed-side table there. “On my own mother’s name?” She questions, tucking herself under the covers and scooching over, leaning against his chest comfortably. He would let her lie like this as long as she wanted. It’s so sweet to have her in his arms.
“Well, you call her ‘Mom,’” he explains, even down to the forced American accent when he says ‘Mom.’ “So maybe you did not know.”
“Cindy isn’t short for anything.”
“Like I said,” he twists her hair around his finger slowly, mindlessly, without any sort of purpose or intention. When she uses him like a pillow this way, he can always smell her shampoo. He’s been trying to place it for days now. Coconut, he knows—but there is something else there, too, something he can’t put his finger on. “I know this.”
“Okay, continue then.”
“I will,” he says, lets the twirled hair fall from his finger and kisses her head with a smile on his face. “They have a dog called Beans that you call Beanie-Baby,” he pauses. “And the drama is, your parents do not like me.”
He can see the apples of her cheeks flare in his peripheral, a laugh stirring in her chest. “The drama is: there is no drama with them,” she says. “They’re all bark no bite.”
He adjusts underneath her, sighs all heavy and deflated because the thought of it—her family, her parents. It’s so fucking intimidating, it is. Because he knows how important they are to her, how highly she regards their opinion, even if she pretends that she doesn’t. He knows that it’s everything to her, and if he makes even a single mis-step he could ruin it all—their opinion, her opinion, all of it. And something in his gut, a pit in his stomach tells him that she’s already made a mis-step for him when she came over here without telling anyone she was coming. Why wouldn’t she tell anyone she was coming? “What do I even talk to them about?”
“I don’t know,” she says, adjusts to accommodate his adjustment, and eventually they’ll get properly comfortable. “Racing.”
“We race in different cars.”
“But it’s all cars.”
He opens his mouth to speak, pauses, clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth and then finally, “it’s different.”
“I think you’re overreacting a bit, here,” she says, and he rolls his eyes. He’s not overreacting, she’s underreacting. “I get along with your Mom and your brothers and I don't know what anyone is saying half of the time.” Okay, okay, maybe she has a point there. He did kind of throw her to the wolves this week—not that his family are wolves, just. Meeting the parents before the relationship is even a relationship is. It’s just messed up for him to do, and she’d handled it gracefully, perfectly and flawlessly charmed everyone.
But then again. “Yeah, but you’re you.” Anyone would be charmed by her. She’s very charming.
“And you’re you.”
He shakes his head. “You don’t understand.” She can’t possibly understand it because he doesn’t even properly understand it, the way he feels about her. The fear he feels about losing all the indecipherable feelings. It’s just good, everything about her, about being near her. It’s all so sweet and nice and good and he really, really doesn’t want to screw it up.
“You’ve already met my Dad,” she starts, clearly trying to calm him down, to ease his nerves. “My brother is just like him but more annoying,” she laughs, and even though he’s half deflated, her laugh still puts a weak smile on his face. “My sister probably won’t speak to you, and my Mom loves anyone that calls her ma’am and tells her she looks young. Just don’t talk about racing with her.”
“You just told me—”
“With the boys,” Chris clarifies.
“Your Mum doesn’t like Chase racing?”
“Does yours?” Good point. Is there a mother on the face of the planet, over all of history, that loved the idea of their kid racing other kids around high speed corners without any regard for their own lives?
“Then why did she let him?”
“I’m sure the same reason yours let you. Dad’s can be very convincing.”
His stomach drops. “Yeah. Yeah, they can be. My dad was.” His fingers trace mindless circles on the skin of her arm, soft and warm and clean. His eyes focus on the little red light on the bottom of his television, the one that’s only on when the TV is off. “He would spend so much time at the karting track with my brothers and I, you would not believe it. Sometimes my Mum would say that we lived there and should take blankets to sleep in the karts,” He says, and Chris laughs, makes him aware of his tracing fingers, but doesn’t stop them. “She would always say to us, ‘be careful, drive slow,’ and my Dad would always say ‘be careful, have fun.’ Now Mum will say to us just to be careful.”
“Did your Dad drop the ‘have fun,’ too?”
Red Light. Soft skin. He knew it was coming, it’s always coming, only a matter of time before he had to tell her. Honestly, he’s surprised it had gone this long, that she hadn’t asked about his father the moment she met the rest of the family and he was absent. He can’t stomach the look of pity she’ll give him. She can take it from everyone else, always had—but the image of that look on her face, the dead dad look. He never wants her to look at him like that.
Red light. Stupid shapes. “No, uh,” he drags out his own words, putting off the inevitable by even a few more moments. “My father died when I was a teenager.”
At least he knows her google search of him months earlier wasn’t too in-depth. “Oh my God, Charles,” She says, voice quiet and soft, like she thinks her words will break him. They won’t. He wishes she knew they won’t.
“No,” he chuckles, kisses the top of her head. “No. Don’t look at me like that,”
“I’m not,” she protests, but he doesn’t have to look at her to confirm. Nobody is above the look of pity.
“You are.”
“You’re not even looking at me,” she says, sits up off his chest. He keeps his eyes on the red light. “Look at me,” she insists, a soft hand on his jaw, pulling him back to her.
He rolls his eyes before he looks, before there’s an eternity of silent eye contact because she doesn’t have the look on her face. Anyone can tell she feels bad, especially him, but it’s different. It’s different, and he doesn’t feel like some pathetic puppy in a cold corner. He doesn’t feel like a nineteen year old who’s world is in shambles. He just feels like him. Like it’s all okay.
“I’m sorry I didn’t know,” she finally speaks, and he hears it now. She doesn’t think he’s going to break, that’s now why she’s meek. She feels guilty, guilty that she brought it up, that she didn’t know, that he thinks she would ever think he would break.
“How would you?”
Sincere in her apology, in her guilt, she doubles down. “I’m still sorry.”
Her eyes are filled with something pure, some innocent kind of affection and he feels awful that she feels awful. “I’m sorry for going on about him.”
“I’ll listen as long as you want to talk.”
He smiles, a genuine laugh falling from his lips. “I can talk forever.”
“Then,” she smiles, leans over to kiss him before getting comfortable again, snuggling into his chest like before. “Tell me all about him.”
They sleep late the next morning. Maybe they’re adjusting to the timezone—unlikely, especially in Chris’ case—or they were just up to late talking, but Chris is stretching against the sheets, against Charles, just after nine.
It’s no surprise that she wakes up tangled in a mess of limbs, not even something she minds. Even with her hand asleep and painfully tingley. She knows that she won’t get to wake up like this tomorrow morning, or the morning after, or every morning for at least a month, so. She doesn’t mind the heat and the sleeping limbs and the threat of a knot in her shoulder.
She wiggles out from his grip without waking him, grabs her phone from the bedside table and checks the time. She scans the room, eyes floating over all of her things scattered about. She should start packing up, she thinks. Start packing and getting ready to leave.
She tiptoes across the room, around the corner into the bathroom to start there, far away from his sleeping body. Quietly, carefully, she brushes her teeth, washes her face and tugs a brush through her hair, tying it back into a ponytail. Slowly, she gathers her stuff—makeup and hair tools and skincare—and packs it away carefully into her toiletries bag.
When she comes back into the bedroom, still cringing with every creak of the floor under her feet, she finds Charles awake in bed, soft, sleepy smile when she turns the corner. “Come back to bed,” he’s pleading before she can even mutter a good morning.
“I have to pack,” she argues half-heartedly, because she wants nothing more than to climb back into bed, and his voice is no help—all hoarse and raspy with sleep.
“Why?” He asks, drags the letter sounds out into a yawn that makes her smile.
“Because,” she says, draws out the e-sound to tease his cadence. “It’s almost nine-thirty, and I'm leaving in two hours.”
“You don’t have two hours of stuff,” he protests.
“I don’t like to be late,” she continues over her shoulder, opening her suitcase and laying it flat on the floor at the end of the bed, readjusting the still-folded clothes she hadn’t ended up wearing.
“Well,” he says, stretches against his sheets and then he’s getting out of bed with another yawn. “Let me help you, then.”
He steps around her open suitcase carefully. There isn’t exactly a surplus of floorspace for him to find his footing in. He disappears into the bathroom, locks the door behind him while she continues to gather her things, reappearing ten minutes later. “Give me a kiss,” he says, trudging over to her with open arms.
“You’re so needy this morning,” she quips, slinking her arms around his neck and pulling him down into a kiss. He hums against her lips in agreement and the vibration makes her giggle into his mouth.
Chris makes an attempt to return to the task at hand, but he has different plans, and follows around right behind her. His arms wrap around her torso everytime she stills for even a moment and he hugs her from behind, kisses her shoulders and her neck and her hair.
“You make it hard to pack,” she tells him, and he laughs into the crook of her neck. What she really means is: you make it hard to leave.
“Come back to bed.”
“I want to,” she sighs, leans back against his body.
He turns with her so they’re facing the bed. “It is right there,” he says, and she groans. “Look at it, all warm and comfy.” He’s right, the sheets look so soft, the pillows so fluffed. It’s a bed begging to be slept in, to be lounged on, to be snuggled by.
She wiggles from his grasp, backs away from him towards the door and makes a challenge that she knows she has no intention of winning; “We can go back to bed,” she starts, still inching further away from him, further away from the bed, “if you can catch me,” and then she bolts.
Chris’ high school claim to fame might have been that she was an all-state track and field athlete, but she’s got nothing on her boyfriend, who’s made a career out of his reflexes. It’s all pants and squeals and laughs that go on for entirely too long.
She realizes that she’s trapped when they’re stood on opposite sides of his dining room table, and she couldn’t be the least bit bothered. She tries to fake him out, to move left and then right, but he predicts the move before she even makes it, catches her with a strong grip around her waist and lifts her off her feet, carries her into the bedroom and tackles her onto the bed.
click here for the nsfw cut
Chris’ flight leaves Nice at 12:30 pm, and then it’s a two and a half hour layover in Amsterdam, until finally, she lands in Atlanta long after sunset. She Ubers home and by the time she’s flopping down onto her couch, it’s almost eleven. Charles is the only call she makes before crashing. Then again, who else would she call? He’s one of two people who knew she was anywhere but home, and the only one who’d made her promise to call—despite the time difference and the Uber delay—with the threat of calling the first Georgia police number he could find on google to report her missing.
He answers on the third ring, voice with the same rasp of that morning. “Hello?”
“Hi,” she speaks through a yawn, lays the phone beside her ear on the couch cushion and leaving it on speaker.
“Hey,” he laughs, and she can perfectly hear the smile on his lips. She can almost feel it, the way the room reacts to it.
“You gave me a hickey,” she says, fingering the bruise that lies an inch above her collarbone. His giggle on the other end is loud and boyish—particularly teenager-ish.
“So, you made it home safe?”
“Well, if you ignore the vampire bruise on my neck.”
“Sorry,” he says, but he’s still laughing like a little kid.
“It’s not funny,” she warns, thinly veiled because even she can hear the tired laugh at the back of her throat.
“It’s a little funny.”
Chris rolls her eyes. “I have to see my entire family tomorrow!”
“Eh,” he hums, and just like the smile, she can see the shrug. She can see him so well it’s like he’s here or she’s there or that they’re somewhere together. Somewhere that doesn’t really matter, because they’re both there, smiling and laughing and shrugging. God. God, she already misses him so much. “They already don’t like me.”
“Charles!” She scolds, but she’s laughing now, too.
“I’m sorry,” he smooths. “I am. I didn’t do it on purpose.”
“I know,” Chris sighs, pokes her own neck. “I’m not upset, I’ll just have to whisk it all morning.”
He chuckles. “You have to do what?”
“You know, like. For eggs…or baking. A whisk,” with every word that leaves her mouth, another letter is types into her phone’s search bar. Google Translate: whisk. “Le fouet?”
“Le fouet??” He questions with a tone that would make her think she’d called him a slur. “I do not think that is right.”
“Le fouet à…” she trails off, debating internally over the pronunciation of the words in front of her. “How do you say the ‘o’ and the ‘e’ when they’re together?” She asks, butchers it before he has the chance to give her any answer. “Œufs?”
“I have no idea what you are telling to me.”
“Telling you,” Chris corrects. “What I’m telling you.”
“Oh, mon dieu,” he groans. “This is sad. We can talk in the morning.”
“Okay,” she nods, yawns again. It’s long past her bedtime, and she has no idea how many hours now she’s been awake for. It’s gotta be going on twenty or more, surely. Surely.
“Thank you for calling me,” he says, softly, genuinely grateful for the call. She’s grateful he’s grateful. It’s sweet, all the little things he does to show he cares. The way he does most of them without realizing it.
“Thank you for wanting me to call.”
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