#so it never felt creepy
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Very weird interaction today.
So I’m going to get my passport photo taken and an old man in front of me and my friend is also wanting his passport photo taken. This place does a lot more than passport photos so he tells the worker to “let these ladies go first”. I didn’t even blink at being misgendered, especially because I have long hair with bangs and was wearing a necklace and earrings. But I say, in my deep voice “no, it’s fine, I’m also here for my passport photo.” He gives me a shocked looked, stammers a little “so there’s no point in letting you go first then I guess. Going on a vacation or just hoping?” And then he gets really close to me and says “sorry are you trans? I don’t want to mistake you. You look like a woman but sound like a man.” Now I just kind of freeze, the store clerk is staring at us, and I finally say “well funny you ask that. I am trans, but I’m transmasc hahaha.” He says “Ohhh okay. Im also part of the LGBT gay community. It’s nice that everything’s so open now.” Im just like “yep.” And he gets his photo taken and pays and leaves. The worker is super nice to me when taking my picture and then as im going to pay, he says “nah, I’ll just let you have it for free.” Idk if he felt bad for the uncomfortable interaction or cause he’s queer too. Either way, an ally and I saved $26.
#the man was obviously autistic or adhd#so it never felt creepy#he was just very talkative#and unfiltered#but very nice
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Thinking again about how orv feels tailor made for me. Pretty sure I said this in my first orv post but I've had this years long obsession with a trope that I never, ever get tired of, that I've seen done over and over literally hundereds of times - time travel fix-it, or 'peggy sue'.
After any show or media I watch the first thing I do is go on ao3 and search time travel fics for it. Sometimes there's a lot, of good and bad quality, sometimes there's almost nothing and I have to daydream my own version. I would consider myself a connoisseur of the genre, in any shape or form.
In fact, I stumbled onto orv for the first time years ago, when I was going through my op power fantasy manhwa phase (didn't get into it then though). I'm exactly the kind of person who would read SSSSS-grade infinite regressor, in fact I've definitely enjoyed some works with very similar titles lol.
Me losing my mind about orv was inevitable.
It's like the work I've been searching for all this time. Every bad cliche I love is taken and then executed perfectly in a unique way, which I didn't think was possible at this point.
It's like orv deeply, fundementally understands the appeal of this genre. It's not only a deconstruction but also a love letter to it at the same time and it fucking tackles the inherrent issues in it full force and also it held up a mirror and showed me a reflection of my own soul, showed me things I didn't even want to realize about myself. Just.
#this is more personal than i usually get. ive just never felt so seen by any media before in my life. its a little creepy tbh#orv#my posts
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#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad#we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic#was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though#it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything#also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't#tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer#both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first#time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been#making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said#i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly#implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me#bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication#we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked#& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol#which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't#even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around#a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins#literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww#am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely#concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know
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evilest decision i didn't realize i was making while writing thistle: he never refers to delgal as his brother, not even once. it's always just his king or his lord
#he was never legitimized... rip#at most he acts like delgal is his responsibility or his kid in a very vague sense but Brother is a little too presumptuous isnt it#it's like how your mom's puppy is her baby and your 'sibling' and you love it but it's still just the pet#and with that in mind he and yaad don't refer to one another by familial terms because in spite of how long they've known each other#thistle has always felt like some creepy estranged relative imposing himself into the family's space#so yaad barely sees him as Grandfather's Brother he's mostly just Thistle (gestures vaguely to the mess)#and thistle only cares about yaad as an extension of delgal so yaad is Delgal's Grandson but no one to him personally#i'm rlly starting to think that a postcanon relationship between them that's any semblance of healthy would burn the melini family bridge#the melini family situation was so insidious that any attempts to reconstruct that#would at the VERY least be severely triggering for them both#like hell are you going to reenact your trauma with someone you personally traumatized#(< being evil about this)#roomba writes
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#I MEAN. I LIKE GIRLS. RIGHT. WHY DOES THIS FEEL SO WEIRD. I HAVE HAD ONE(1) CRUSH BEFORE AND THAT WAS A GUY.MAYBE BECAUSE OF THAT? BUT THEN#NOW WHENI THINK ABT IT WAS ONLY HOW HE LOOKED. ESPECIALLYY HIS EYES AND HE HAD VERY UHHH DRAWABLE FEATURES. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE#THINKING OF IT...I NEVER EVEN LIKE THOUGHT ABT CONFESSING OR DATING OR EVEN TALKING WITH HIM....I actively avoided even thinking about it#at that time i thought that was because in a way i was guilty of having those feelings for him considering we barely had interactedand it f#felt weirdly creepy thinking of osmeone that way without their knowledge(??)#now i still retain some of that sentiment but also...was i really romantically or sexually attracted to him at all?#when i see people and actors and characters online i do find them hot but irl...do I really want that sort of thing?#whenver i read stories of romance and close friendships too i aways want to have those in mmy life. but#like okay romance aside...even in friendships i.i just can't do them?#i like helping people and i o enjoy having casula conversations i like being nice to people too nut#but it. it feels sort of suffocating to be close to people emotionally?#i dnt know how to put it but there's always a limit after which it starts feeling weird. i want close strong bonds with people but ifeel so#uncomfortable when it starts happening.so many people around me love me in all different forms but o i really love them all back in the sam#intensity? I think I can only say that for my parents. my friends...i don't know.#do i really care about them asmuch as they care about me?#i do a lot of things...i say a lot of things that can only be said if i cared about the other person honestly and earnestly..#but. butto me it really feels like it isnt that deep#these ats of servic don't come from my heart nor my head#i just. do them because...i don't evenknow..that's just my response...i really dont think anything of it.#i don'tknw. this is all so stressful i wish icould just do whatever i ahve to do for a day interacting with peopel andleavingeverything beh#behind when icome home. but then it feelsso lonely but being around people also makes me feeluncomfortable when i try to establish bonds wi#them.#i don't knwo i wish i never gto close to them in first place.....life wouldve been so much easier
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2024 reads / storygraph
My Throat An Open Grave
YA paranormal/folk horror
about a girl who lives in a small religious town who fear a child-stealing lord of the forest
when her baby brother is taken on her watch, she’s forced to cross the river to the woods and get him back
but when she arrives she finds that the lord is not what she expected - and she can get her brother back in exchange for composing a song. but as weeks go by, hidden secrets and memories are uncovered
#My Throat An Open Grave#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#I thought this was okay.#I felt like it dragged a lot especially in the middle. I enjoyed the ending quite a bit it just took a bit too long to get there for me?#I thought the spooky forest king stuff could have been creepier - like there’s bits telling us he looks unearthly and creepy#but then every actual desciption and the way he acts was very average teen boy so I never got that vibe?#There were also a number of initial ‘explanations’ of the things going on that amounted to ‘it doesnt make sense it’s just like that;#and it would be dangerous to explain it to you’ which didn’t help with the middle section dragging bc not much was happening or explained.#It explores some important themes around purity culture and religious suppression of women’s sexuality ;#it just mostly hits at the end. I just wish we got to that a bit faster maybe? idk#I had assumed this was queer for some reason* but it does have a pretty generic m/f romance that I wasn’t that into#though I do understand relevancy of that re: the themes#(*there’s a nonbinary character and a bit where I couldn’t quite tell if it was implying she might be bi or just talking about#queerness in general)
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ah, we’ve once again arrived at the ol’ lesbian wake outfit dilemma it’s always pinstripe pants tank top blazer combo vs dress and cute shoes combo who are we going to be
#going up north a bit to be there for my dad#at least it’s a familiar town loll#I’ll probably not pick the dress because I have a really fucking creepy cousin#also why does that seem to be a universal experience#mines really bad though I already feel a small sense of dread seeing him loool gotta love men#I saw him once in southie while picking up food and felt pure fear and drove around the block to find parking to avoid him#gross#I’ve never been close to my dads side of the family but#one of his brother was married to my moms sister so he feels like both and I’ll be happy to see him#he’s not doing well either since my aunt passed#he was always around because of her and my moms side so I see him differently#so I’m going to be there for them two#and to be a good person I guess#already feeling very ! in a bad way about it#it’s only 4-8 though so maybe I can catch the sunset after to feel better#blasting chappell roan while getting ready it’s fine nothing traumatic is happening
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joe + scenes that i love / 3.06
#when he snaps the rubberband on his wrist like he wants to punch him ...#i felt it.#i hate that character so much.#i have never disliked a creepy little gremlin of a character more.#i blame the writers bc i really think he had potential but unrequited crushes that are mired in jealousy and false senses#of possessiveness .. are gross.#the argument of it being gay like thats a reason to support it is invalid thank you#di chandler#*my edit#*my stuff#trying to keep this out of the tags so the commentary doesnt ruin someones day
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the bar for "revolutionary" webhorror is so low. what happened
#god lord im so sick of itttttttt ToT#if you dont know analogue horror is on is deathbed and now ppl are onto ''digital horror''#which is the same thing except using digital mediums instead of analogue (like the internet instead of vhs)#and i do mean the same thing lol nothing has changed#not the conventions of storytelling not the limitations of the medium not the types of scares it presents#the only thing that has changed is the aesthetic. and that is unbelievably sad#if youre going to do a horror series based in the internet then why not.... actually use the medium of the internet for horror#theres so many scary things about the internet (esp early internet!!!!!) and yet no one is using that for their series#just the same old ''missing children's spirit communicating through tape oops i mean the website :)'' like cmon man.... :(#why not use things like viruses or the sudden connection to any and everyone through the internet or early hoaxes/creepy ads#lack of regulation on the early internet or the isolating/uncanny aesthetics of old hardware (kid me was so scared of computers lol)#or literally anything else that is DIRECTLY CONNECTED TO THE MEDIUM YOUR SERIES IS BASED ON#does anyone else on earth care about this or am i just picky??? hello???#i just want smth that leaves a genuine impact. i just want a series that feels like smth thats never been done before#i just want webhorror that knows what it wants to be and fits neatly into the confines of its medium#petscop felt like a real videogame. it felt like smth i could see in an ''obscure ps1 games youve never heard about!!'' video#it had a will they wont they about whether or not the game was actually talking to paul (through ghosts or other users etc)#but it was never in your face and it was left just vague enough that instead of breaking immersion it sucked you in even more#paul felt like a real person playing a real game and experiencing genuine fear and obsession alongside the audience#there was never a point where the screen started turning red and pauls voice became distorted and ''scary'' while creepy imagery popped up#bc petscop works entirely within the limitations of a man playing a videogame. no more no less#thats the kind of dedication to the medium that i want!!!!!!#i only critique webhorror so much bc its my favourite type of horror and i want it to improve
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Rewatching the Raimi Spider-Man trilogy: Ha-ha yes! This is fun! And almost everything has aged incredibly well!!
Rewatching the Amazing Spider-Man: I’m embarrassed for this movie…
#oh brother I never felt so embarrassed to be rewatching a movie in theaters#the amazing spider man#Peter is legit creepy at times#the amazing spider man 2012#raimi spider man
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Google search how to be undesirable romantically while still being a decent person and still working on improving your appearance
#quick storytime I’ve never felt any romantic feelings for anyone and I’m fine with that#but the other day someone confessed they had romantic feelings FOR ME despite me making it clear I’m not a romantic person#(literally they started it with ‘I know you won’t feel the same way because of what you’ve said about romance and stuff’ but yet still-#confessed? it makes no sense)#it was SO awkward and I’ve been getting this strange uncomfortable feeling I can’t word for the last few days#I don’t know WHY I’m so uncomfortable that someone is into me that way because I’m pretty sure most people don’t feel that way#unless the person is dangerous or creepy which this dude isn’t I’m just not into him
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this shouldnt really be relevant to anyone following this blog up until now lmao, but that post i rb-ed on main made me remember that, now that i have a dedicated space for mature posts, this blog is no longer mdni. my main is still 18+ just because it's my catch-all blog for all types of posts, as is my art blog bc i'll occasionally post haha funnie adult humor + i want to retain the option to post some suggestive art if i ever feel like it, but at least here things can be more chill ✌🏻
#📌 [ my posts. ]#i doubt that'll be a problem for anyone. but while i'm finishing up redoing my pinned posts and adding new character tags and whatnot#i figured i should make it clear juuuust in case.#i've always been so conflicted bc i really do think people under 18 should have ties to reliable adults specifically FOR their safety#ie they can have people to turn to if they need a good role model or if they want proof they can grow into a queer adult#or -- most importantly -- if any other adults are being creepy towards them they'll know someone who can DO something abt it#...but i also never felt safe being that kind of person if my blogs housed 18+ posts. ;;;#i'm not here to be any young person's BEST friend or anything but like. treating them like toxic gremlins is also absolutely not the vibe#bc they absolutely aren't. esp when lot of kids in selfshipping are more put together than some select-but-very-visible adults. cough.#💭 [ my thoughts. ]
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Allegedly the home in which I reside is haunted. 2 or possibly 3 have died inside. Father in law had a ghost hunter come to try and take some recordings and whatever it is they do and they had recorded some creepy sounds with the ghost equipment. Cats will look like they're playing with people who aren't there, and father in law says he will feel a cold hand on his shoulder. Well, I haven't really encountered anything until tonight. I went out to get a drink and the water dispenser is right next to the way down to the basement where there is no door or lighting down the stairs. This is usually creepy but this night felt incredibly unsettling. I felt a splash of water on me before I made it to the dispenser, though I was not wet. This was right in front of the basement. I thought I was for sure hearing things out there and it still feels creepy to me. Also what had woken me up was John going to the bathroom, but he was acting seemingly so strange? That could've just been him. He was laid down and back in bed before I went to get water, so the sounds couldn't have been him.
#my bedroom now is the same room where John's paternal grandmother passed away in 2021 .. i have no fucking idea why they wanted us to have#this room so bad but its never felt that creepy in here particularly#she passed in her sleep of cancer at an old age#although#her husband passed tragically of a heart attack on christmas morning here#i believe 30 years ago.....
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the last place you’d expect to be objectified at is an amusement park and yet……..
#there were So Many men staring at my friends and i Constantly in the lines for all rides around the park EVERYWHERE it was exhasuting and#really fucking creepy#they acted like they’ve never seen girls before i swear#we were in the queue for a rollercoaster and there was this one group of boys above us because the line goes up a slope and they just would#not stop starinf at us from above like literally we looked up Multiple times and they never fucking looked away it was so scary#there was another guy in the same line who when we’d moved up to the top of the slope kept staring at me specifically from below the line l#ke Constantly eyes fully open wide i genuinely don’t know what was up with that i looked at him multiple times he refused to look away#we were right next to him and his gf in the line for another ride too it was so fucking weird#my friends also got catcalled by a couple guys behind us 😁😁 Love indonesian men 😁😁😁 totally felt the most safe in my life 😁😁😁
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Noticed the guinea pigs' room was chilly last night so I gave them my lil heater for the night and I....i don't think I can take it back ever? Oh my god? They love it and I think I'd go straight to hell if I unplugged it?
#Creepy chatter#They stay in the spare bedroom in our new place and they love not being in a common area#Kept them in the common area their whole lives thinking they'd get used to people walking by but they never did :(#Felt bad spooking them so much so now they fat cuddle in private and scurry in hides when I stick my head in lol#Anyway. I guess I need to get a new space heater for myself
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Read the new sekai story. Not ok.
#rat rambles#sekai posting#I have my complaints but. not with the writing like holy shit#this was the most uncomfortable and scary sekai event Ive read and thats a high bar#its litterally so well written and also hply fuck is it physically painful to read#mafuyu's mom is so. slimy. and creepy. and manipulative. I fucking hate her. Im so scared for mafuyu#obviously theyll be ok eventually this is sekai but. things are probably abt to get rapidly worse for mafuyu#this is the breaking point Ive been waiting for. right now the cracks are simply expanding but soon things might get Rough#the wall mafuyu built between their two lives is wearing so thin and its fucking terrifying#its been literally so painful watching mafuyu trying to stop it and now having to face the incoming collapse when shes not ready#but she never will be ready. not as long as she still holds onto the desperate belief that her mother cares. that her mother loves her.#mafuyu is so fucking terrified rn its horrible to watch. I legitimately felt like crying. holy shit this event#now I will say. this was a great mafuyu event. why are they the fucking 2 star hello#I have mixed feelings on this as a kanade banner but even asside from that why the fuck is mafuyu the 2 star like wtf??#was it rly that important to have mizuki be one of the 4 stars??? did they rly need to be one of them????#like mizuki should have been the 2 star imo#if I had it my way itd be kanade mafuyu and kaito as the 4 stars ena as the 3 star and mizuki as the 2 star#ena and kaito could be swapped but since its kaitos intro I think he deserved it more#speaking of ena taking that 'the only one who can protect you is yourself' and running with it babeyyyyyy#adds that to my ena mommy issues arsonal (thats literally the only thing I have in there rip)#also the way you can feel everyone's development so strongly in this event#they still have a long way to go as individuals and a unit but theyve come so far from the start#mafuyu is in fact now most due for 25ji I think so. time to mentally prepare myself for the storm to come#I wont lie tho I am losing my mind over this event as a mafuyu fan but I am also disapointed in it as a kanade one#like dont get me wrong kanade has some rly good moments but. this does not sooth my worries abt the direction shes going#I just dont like that this was a kanade event about mafuyu. from the kanade fan perspective this was like one of the worst case scenarios#kanade desperately needs more stuff actually about her. Im scared she just straight up wont get it :(#so yeah. mixed feelings on this event from a kanade perspective but dear god is it good otherwise
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