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thoughts-on-bangtan · 4 years ago

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Let’s talk: Grievances and Cuteness - BTS on You Quiz on the Block

by Admin 1

Today BTS were guests on You Quiz on the Block, a very popular Korean variety show on tvN, and it was a wonderful mix of fun and hilarious, but also serious, vulnerable and honest. Seeing as we don’t have subtitles yet, merely the things our marvelous translator ARMYs managed to translate for us—the episode was 100 minutes long so there was a lot going on and being said—I don’t want to get into detail in this post and instead will wait with that until we have subs and I’ll be able to sit down and watch it properly again, focus on things that stick out to me and I would want to talk about. So that I can do their words justice.

Instead I want to use this post to air some of my grievances, directed at fellow ARMY, “ARMY” and shippers, as well as just gush a little about a few cute moments. The more serious things will be in a different post sometime soon. I hope that’s okay.

Grievances

What is the point of Bangtan going on a show like this, especially one that is broadcast on national TV and very popular with the general public? It’s to share not only their funny side but also their honest and genuine one, share stories that, though some we’ve heard before as ARMY, they’re things the general public doesn’t necessarily know. The point of them sharing vulnerable moments and memories with us is to simply be honest and transparent, something they’ve always highlighted as important to them.

What is the part we play in this, what is it that we should do? We are simply supposed to listen, understand the things they are telling us, put things into perspective so we know what they felt in certain moments and periods of their lives, understand that they’re human too with struggles, fears and sadness, and we should cherish the fact that they tell us any of it at all. They could just as well only show up whenever there’s a new album and comeback and then disappear again, share nothing personal at all and put on entirely fake personas. But they don’t. And we should be grateful for that and happy because of it.

Now, the reason why I even wanted to write this in the first place is this:

Many, and I mean many have decided that instead of doing what I’ve highlighted a moment ago, a far better course of action would be to twist their words, manipulate them, use them to victimize the members (and especially Seokjin), and try to overanalyze them in favor of their desired narratives and especially their ships, even if whatever was being said had absolutely nothing to do with any ship at all.

Before the episode even finished airing, solos/mantis were already up in arms “crying” about mistreatment and victimizing Seokjin because *insert demands they have no right to make at all* and when Seokjin, bless him, was on weverse, he actually replied to a post where he basically said that parts of what he said were too sad/depressing, so he simply asked the You Quiz staff to cut them out, which would explain why he seemed to have “less to say” during his interview section with Yoongi. Did that help? Of course not. Even though it showed not only that he did say more, that he likely said more vulnerable things, but also that he made the decision for himself that he did not want to share that yet, because he’s not ready for it or because he came to the conclusion that he simply doesn’t want to period, and that his wish for them to cut it out was met. Even though it wasn’t BH controlled content, but You Quiz.

More below the cut:

What does this tell us? The members have control over what is aired and what is not. If they feel something is too personal or would come across wrong, they can voice objection and chances are their words will be met and followed. They aren’t victims in need of saving, aren’t helpless boys with no idea what they’re doing. They are serious musicians, respected and treated well. This is a good thing and I’m glad he told us that, even if many don’t want to hear it and immediately claimed that “oh yeah BH told him to shut us up”. The mental gymnastics some are willing to do to make things fit their agenda truly baffles me sometimes.

On the other hand, I’ve seen shippers try to twist words or put others into the members mouths to push their agenda, and we’ve even had one or two asks being sent to us basically sadly wondering if maybe Tae isn’t who we thought he is for Jimin, and neither is Hobi, because of something Jimin said. Even though the thing Jimin said had quite literally nothing to do with either Tae or Hobi. In a way, I get where such vminnies are coming from, as vminnies we would love to just hear vmin talk about each other all day because it’s cute and we love their bond and stories, but it’s not like we didn’t get that. Because we did. Unprompted. Jimin mentioned Tae during their trio interview and told a story, even if we’ve heard it before to a certain degree. And yet it still wasn’t enough? Like come on, please don’t do this. Don’t reduce everything the members do and say to just ship related and non-ship related (thus uninteresting) statements and actions, as though the latter is worth less.

Here is the moment in question:

The way I see it, the only thing we should take away from this is that despite these very human fears and struggles, wonderings if people only care about Jimin because he is BTS Jimin and not Park Jimin, he still had and has good people in his life that’ll remind him that he is appreciated and loved for who he is, and not just for his celebrity status. Friends even outside of Bangtan. Why do we have to take something so incredibly personal, this moment of vulnerability from Jimin, and try to overanalyze it? To twist it to fit a ship? Regardless which one. Or to twist it to fit some kind of narrative, whatever one it may be? Please don’t do that.

Sure, Admin 2 noticed his use of ‘chingu’ when talking about this friend that told him that, and sure it reminded me of what Jimin said to Tae in the FESTA 2020 Rolling Paper, but neither Admin 2 nor I will go and claim that oh he must’ve been talking about Tae but didn’t want to use his name to avoid XYZ because we are not in his head and, at the end of the day, it’s irrelevant who exactly said that to him. That wasn’t the point of that story. Like at all. So why are some people disregarding the point in favor of speculations? Why are some completely ignoring his words, downplaying them as just potential ship material instead of appreciating the fact that he told us that at all?

It’s unfair toward Jimin, and the other members as well when they tell similar stories. Their lives aren’t fictional stories that revolve around romance. They are real people with real lives and more friends than just their fellow members and that’s a good thing since it surely gives them the opportunity to feel less isolated, cut off from the world by nature of their occupation and status. Besides, in the past Tae said something similar as well, how he used to be a social butterfly and make friends easily wherever they went but eventually he understood that people didn’t really care about Kim Taehyung and instead just wanted to know BTS V and be able to use that to brag, so he stopped being so outgoing. And we’ve also seen Jimin talk about cutting out friends in the past if they said something negative about Bangtan, then, a few years later, saying that he’s grown more as a person and learned to not allow these things to affect him as much, to surround himself with genuine people.

So, in light of what he said in that segment, we should be happy for him. And that’s it.

We also saw people use what Tae said about his dad to push the he must be 100% heterosexual because he said he wants to be a dad narrative which, where do I even start. Perhaps with the fact that this statement relies on a mistranslation? Because he didn’t say he wants to be a dad but that he wants to be a person like his dad, that’s his dream. Perhaps with the blatant homophobia this statement is laced in? The disregard for how queer people can also want to have kids, be parents, just like anyone else? Perhaps with how these things oddly seem to just be done to Tae and Namjoon, and especially Tae to use it for ship purposes?

Instead of jumping to conclusions, overanalyzing stories we are not supposed to analyze but instead to simply appreciate, please wait until we’ll have the full episode with subtitles (even though from the past we know that some of it may be simplified so reading what our translators wrote is also a good thing to get the whole picture) and even then, just enjoy their silliness and listen to their words of honesty. Listen to the fact that their fame was and continues to be a heavy weight on their shoulders, how instead of becoming cocky assholes they remained humble and genuine because that’s the kind of people they are and want to be, listen to what they want you to hear and now what you want to hear.

Also, to shippers—this isn’t the place to look for ship content of any kind, for some romantic confessions or whatever, because this was about Bangtan as seven members and their stories of the last ten and a half years since Namjoon joined BH and the idea for BTS was started.

Cute and silly things

Now that that's done, let’s talk about some fun and cute things to lighten the mood, shall we?

One of my favorite moments was when the MIC DROP ARMY came in as a surprise for the members, her confidence was off the charts and the guys looked so genuinely happy. After all it’s been so many months since they’ve last seen ARMY! And I’m so glad she was such a wonderful representative for us all, how she didn’t react with fear or shyness, didn’t scream or cry, but instead did her thing like a Queen. And the way the members reacted when she sent them a finger heart during one of the dances? Absolutely adorable!

Also, she truly must’ve saved some kind of nation, or maybe two, in her past life since she also was gifted a chicken leg pillow by Tae. He’s just so kind and lovely.

Then we had the members play a game of trying to guess a song merely by the first second (I think) and then having to sing it, though who sang which part didn’t follow the actual order in the song but was chosen by someone off screen which meant that, for example, Tae was doing one of the rap line verses as well as singing Jimin’s part in another, Hobi showed off his vocal skills, and of course, the highlight, Namjoon singing a part from Spring Day. Even though we know Namjoon’s skills when it comes to singing are not the greatest, which I mean in a very loving way, no tea no shade, and yet he still went for it. It was hilarious and cute and showed that he is willing to be silly even if others might laugh at his expense.

Sometime after the episode aired Namjoon actually came onto Weverse to talk about the episode and, among other things, apologized for not singing Seokjin’s guide all that well. One thing I’d like to point out is how, originally, he wrote Jinhyung but then changed it to Seokjinie hyung, which is just a small and precious little detail:

Another cute moment was during ‘dance mafia’ when Tae turned to Jimin to ask him if they did well and Jimin replied that yes, he did well (both using this adorably soft tone with each other), they also hugged for a moment while smiling brightly. See, I said not to look for ship moments, but this is just cute regardless if you ship vmin or not. Admin 2 though would like to comment on how they could’ve given us that hug from a camera that’s a little further away so we could have a more proper look, or a longer shot of it, please?

Honestly that game was hilarious and the members who were mafia did a wonderful job tricking the others, particularly JK was fantastic at it since the second time around no one suspected him at all. Also, the fluffy ear muffs with cat (?) ears on them were adorable. At the end of the segment they were all supposed to strike a pose but Tae didn’t manage to put his ear muffs back on, so they fell to the ground and so Jimin lightly hit/caressed his chest and turned toward the MCs to ask if they could try again so that Tae could look good in it as well.

Actually, speaking of adorable in regard to Jimin, when they were introduced at the beginning of the show as RM-jagi-nim, jagi-nim being the name used for all the guests on the show and also the name on the necklace (given to guests who are fans of the show by the producers) Jimin showed off on weverse in his selcas, Jimin corrected the MC that it’s not Jimin-jagi-nim but Mini-jagi-nim which just…my heart. Too cute.

Lastly, I want to mention how all of them were asked what the first sentence would be if their lives were a book and their answers were just so very…them.

Namjoon: Predictions in life often turn out to be wrong

Tae: I’m a chameleon

Hobi: Dear, people who’ve helped to lead me here

Yoongi: You lived life to the fullest/hard/well

Seokjin: Dope, worldwide class!

Jimin: What kind of life do you want to live?

Jungkook: Hello?

Overall it was an amazing episode that was so fun to watch even without really being able to understand any of what was being said. Still the members genuine personalities shone through brightly and I’m glad they had fun and felt comfortable, especially since it’s been a while since they were last on Korean variety shows and some of their past experiences were…not great. I can’t wait to watch it again once we have subs and to write a more proper post about it then. I hope you didn’t mind this more…serious and “angry” post and understand where I’m coming from with my complaints, but also that you enjoyed the cute moments I highlighted.

#BTS #BTS You quiz on the block #Namjoon #Seokjin #Yoongi #Hoseok #Jimin #Taehyung #Jungkook #vmin

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skullrock · 4 years ago

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the switch - Steve x Reader

gif by @harringtown

pairing: Steve x fem!Reader

summary: Some parts of King Steve never left. Therefore, you decide to eradicate Steve’s brattiness.

warnings: smut!!, sub!Steve, swearing

word count: 4.1k

a/n: wanna give a special thx to the catsluts @harrington-ofhawkins @comedy-witch @harringtown @sourapplebaby for helping me form ideas for this!! hope yall enjoy

===

There were some parts of King Steve, you think, that never truly left him. He could be extra confident, or too obsessed with his looks, or think that he was the best at xyz. What drove you crazy about Steve, though, was his insistence that he could be nothing but a dom.

“There’s no way a girl could ever dom me,” he says one day, sitting at your desk as you laid on your bed.

“Good for you,” you reply. “We weren’t talking about that, but, alright.”

“I’m just saying,” he continues, leaning back, a sliver of his torso exposed as his shirt rides up. “I’m the dom. I would never be a sub.”

You sit up, putting your magazine down. Your eyes narrow. “What’s wrong, Steve? Something bothering you?”

“No,” he says smoothly. “I’m just saying.”

You stare at him for a few moments. “You would definitely be a sub.”

Steve scoffs. “No way.”

“Steve, come on, dude -”

“There’s no way I would ever be a sub!”

You roll your eyes but let him believe it.

However, Steve’s insistence gets worse, to the point where you want to tie him down and fuck him senseless every time he opens his mouth. He could be so bratty, so confident - you wanted to put him in his place so desperately. But Steve was just a friend - yes, you had kissed before - okay, multiple times - and maybe you slept together a few - and maybe you loved him - but you were friends first. And friends don’t fuck friends for the sake of proving a point.

Steve grabs the remote from you, changing the channel despite knowing that your favorite movie was on.

“What the hell, dude?”

“What?” He asks, feigning innocence. “I don’t want to watch this.”

“Some of us do, asshole.”

“And some of us don’t have the remote, huh?”

You set your jaw and watch him flip through the channels with a shit-eating grin on his face. His eyes glance back over to you, and his smile widens. “What, baby, do you want to watch something else?”

“Do not call me baby.”

“What do you prefer I call you?” He scoots in closer, resting his hand on your knee. “Want me to call you ‘baby girl’? How about ‘dirty girl’?”

“Are you trying to convince me that you’re definitely a dom?”

He smiles smugly. “Maybe.”

Your irritation has piqued - he needs someone to teach him that he can, in fact, be the ‘fuckee’.

You straddle him quickly, and Steve thinks he’s won the argument. But when he goes to grab onto your ass, you grab his hands tightly.

“No, no, Stevie,” you say. “No touching for you, baby boy.”

Steve feels his cheeks turn red and then his blood rushes downward. “Wh - what?”

“I’m going to show you that you can be a sub.” You lean down to his lips, ghosting yours over his. “How would you like that, baby boy?”

Steve moans and tries to keep his hips from bucking. “I’d like to see you try.”

“Okay.”

You push off of him. Steve’s not sure if he should follow, but he decides to be a brat and stay put. You start towards the bedroom and glance back at him, still sitting on the couch. “Do you want to get fucked, Stevie? You don’t have to come to the bedroom if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t want to get fucked,” he says through gritted teeth. “I want to fuck you.”

You smile. “If you’re a good boy for me, you will.”

Steve gets up then, more out of curiosity than anything. He gets to the bedroom and shuts the door behind him, reaching for you, but you step back before his arms can grab you.

“Strip,” you command.

“Not unless you do it first.”

You roll your eyes. “You’re such a brat, Steve.”

He lets out a huff. “You’re being the brat -”

“Strip.”

Steve does, taking off his clothes slowly, as if it teases you - and it does. It keeps spurring on your annoyance. And Steve has no idea what he’s in for.

“Lay on the bed.”

He does, grinning cheekily as his head hits the pillow. He folds his hands on his chest and looks over at you, smirking. “Now what, Princess?”

“Perfect, call me that the rest of the night,” you say. You begin to sift through your things until you find some satin ties. Steve’s eyes widen, but his dick twitches, too, and he’s starting to think maybe you were right.

“I’m going to tie you up. Is that okay?”

“What’s wrong, Y/N? Are you worried?”

You stride over to him, legs framing each side of him. He reaches for you again, but you easily grab his hands and tie them to the bed frame. “Do they hurt?”

“No,” he says meekly, pulling on them slightly.

“Pick a safeword, baby boy.”

He blushes deeply again. “Stop calling me that.”

“Why? Because you like it?”

He groans and rolls his eyes. “Safeword is red.”

You bend down, lips ghosting over his again. He tilts his head up to meet your lips, but you pull away at the last second. Steve huffs in annoyance again, bucking his hips. “C’mon.”

“This isn’t about you, baby boy. You’ve been bad.”

His blush darkens, spreading to the tips of his ears. His dick twitches again. “How so?”

“You’ve spent the last three weeks boasting about how good you are in bed, how you could never be a sub.” You grab his chin and tilt it towards you, making Steve’s pupils widen. “Bad boys need to learn their lesson.”

Steve clears his throat, attempting to seem unfazed. “Whatever you say.”

So you begin your torture. You start your kisses at his forehead, working down to his cheeks and chin. You avoid his lips, nearly making Steve whine. He doesn’t break that easily - but neither do you.

Your lips trail to his ears and you pause to nibble on each ear lobe. “Such a dirty boy,” you say, making Steve shiver. “So hard for me already.”

“Am - am not,” he stutters. It’s not very convincing.

Your lips trail to his neck next, pressing kisses onto his beauty marks. You know they’re sensitive, so you refuse to suck and lick - only giving him light, open mouthed kisses. You move up along his jawline and then down to his Adam’s apple, then over to the other side of his neck.

Steve is in bliss, not that he would admit it. He stares straight up at the ceiling, forcing himself to keep his groans in his throat. But the task grows harder as your lips travel down, ghosting along his collarbones and toned arms. Your tongue darts out over his nipples, making his breath catch.

“Did you say something?” You ask.

Steve’s eyebrows quirk. “Just yawning from how boring this is.”

“I’ll remember that.” Your lips continue down, down, to his hip bones. Your tongue darts out here, too, making Steve’s hips buck up. You quickly press them into the bed.

“No,” you say sternly. “Keep your hips on the bed or you won’t cum. Understand?”

Steve's eyes widen but he nods. You smile at his lack of a comeback and continue. Steve makes a desperate attempt to keep his hips down, even as your kisses trail right to the base of his dick. You don’t give him what he wants, though - instead, you continue to kiss onto his thighs.

Steve lets out a frustrated sigh. “Stop teasing me.”

“You decided you wanted to be teased when you were being a brat earlier,” you whisper, moving down his legs. “That’s your fault, baby.”

Steve bites his lip - okay, he’s definitely learned his lesson.

You stand up, facing Steve as you slowly remove your shirt. Steve’s eyes widen again at the sight of your tits, beautifully framed by a lacy bra. Steve wants nothing more than to reach out and grab them, grab you, fuck you senseless into the bed.

You straddle him again, pants still on, and smile. “Are you going to be a good boy for me?”

Steve’s jaw clenches as he looks at your breasts. You look down and smile. “See something you like?”

Steve tugs on the restraints. “I wanna touch you.”

“Should’ve thought about that before. You can’t always get what you want, King Steve.”

His jaw clenches harder. “Don’t call me that.”

“I’ll call you what you’re acting like,” you whisper, leaning down to his lips again.

Steve feels drunk, or high, or maybe both. He reaches up again to press his lips to yours, and you again pull away.

“Jesus, are you just going to keep doing the same things?”

You gently grab his chin again. “Keep it up and I’ll put that mouth to use.”

Steve’s mouth involuntarily waters, and he wants to taste you. Therefore, he decides to be more of a brat.

“I would be fucking you into next week by now. The neighbors would all know how dirty -”

You stand, stripping your bottoms off, leaving Steve elated. He still won’t let that on though - he cannot let you know that he absolutely loves being dommed.

“What’s the safe word, Stevie?”

“Red,” he breathes, cock leaking in anticipation. “Are you going to sit on my face?”

“No way,” you say, scrunching your nose. “I’m going to hover and make you work for it.”

Steve’s dick is so hard that it hurts now, precum leaking. He bites his lip as you position yourself over him.

“Is this okay?”

“Yeah,” he breathes, then adds, “I mean, I’m not saying I’m into it -”

“Steve, for fucks sake, can you just admit that you like this?”

“Never.” He smiles. “Make me.”

You drop your hips just slightly and gasp at how quickly Steve’s tongue is on you. The tip of his tongue immediately goes to your clit, swirling and sucking, making you cry out. Steve smiles victoriously before going in deeper, lifting his head off of the pillows as he does so. Even the sight is hot enough to make you cum.

“Are you okay?” You gasp. “Are you good?”

Steve moans in response, and you feel him nod his head. “Wanna touch you.”

“That sucks.”

He groans but continues his pace on your clit, swirling before dipping his tongue into your folds. You grind your hips absentmindedly, in love with the way his tongue feels. “You’re not going to stop ‘til I cum, okay?”

He moans again, lifting his head off of the pillows even more. You sink down for him and he breathes a sigh of relief, happy to not be breaking his neck just for a taste of you. Your hands reach down and tangle in his hair, making him groan loudly.

“So dirty, Stevie,” you breathe. “So good at eating my pussy.”

Steve’s eyes roll back and his tongue works harder. Your legs start to shake and soon you’re coming, gripping onto his hair as you do so. Steve’s not sure if anything so hot has ever happened to him in his entire life. Actually, he is sure - this is the hottest thing that has ever happened to him.

Once you calm down, you roll off of him, standing to stretch your legs.

“My turn, right?” Steve asks. “I get to cum now, too?”

You laugh. “No, baby boy, you still need to be punished.”

Steve’s hips buck again, but he’s not going to beg. He will not beg. He’s past the point of not making noise - but he cannot beg. Won’t do it. No way.

“Are you okay?” You ask again. “Are the binds hurting you?”

“I’m okay,” he says, nodding. “Just very hard.”

“If you’re good, I’ll help with that.”

You lean over the bed and run your hands over his thighs lightly. Steve grits his teeth, pressing his ass into the bed so that he doesn’t buck his hips. He stares at you with doe-eyes, seeming so innocent and needy. You bite your lip, feeling yourself getting wet just from looking at him. You move your hands towards the insides of his thighs, then out, then up to his hip bones. You lean down and press kisses to them, tongue darting out once again, and Steve’s eyes roll back.

You continue your pace, running your hands down to the base of his dick again. Steve squeezes his eyes shut in anticipation - but relief never comes. Instead, you move your hands back to his thighs.

“For fuck’s sake,” Steve hisses. “Come on.”

Your fingers ghost up his shaft, and Steve can’t help his hips from jerking. His mouth falls open, happy to get some kind of relief, even if it’s just from your fingertips. You smirk, gently rubbing his soaked tip with your thumb.

“You like this, huh, Stevie?” you ask. “You like being taken care of?”

Something resembling a whine escapes his lips, but he doesn’t do much else. You can see his white-knuckle grip on the satin keeping him in place, and your smirk widens. You position yourself between his knees then, mouth right at his cock, hands pushing his hips down. And then you take him in.

Steve’s back arches at the feeling of your warm mouth, letting out a hiss and a moan and a whine all at once. A string of curses leaves his mouth as you slowly, slowly bob up and down his member. The taste of his precum makes your mouth water. You swirl your tongue over his head and he cries out, hands pulling at the restraints. It feels so good that Steve’s near tears - but you don’t give him the relief he wants. You keep his hips pinned so he can’t fuck your mouth, and you move slowly, almost too slowly. Steve’s a whimpering mess above you, and soon, his legs start to shake.

You pull off, stroking him with your hand. “Are you close?”

“Yes,” he chokes out. “Please.”

You smile and stop stroking. Steve throws his head farther into the pillows, eyes squeezed shut. He does not appreciate not being able to cum - but there’s a part of him that loves it so, so much. A part of him that’s really, really into this whole ‘not being in control’ thing. This thing where he puts all of his trust in you and means it one-hundred percent. He’s actually really, really into that. He feels a realization coming on, but it’s cut short when you come back up to his face.

You crawl up his body, kissing his cheeks and moving to his ear. “I told you, you need to be punished.”

Steve’s eyes roll back in his head. “How many times?”

“Until I think you’re ready for a reward.”

Steve wants that reward so desperately - wants to kiss you, feel you, fuck you - so he relents to playing along, swallowing his pride. “Princess, please.”

You’re taken aback that he’s actually going for it. “Are you okay, Steve?”

He nods fervently. “Hands kinda hurt and I want to cum but I really - I kind of really - I love this.”

You smile and kiss the corner of his mouth, pulling back before Steve can press his lips against yours. “I knew you would like it, Stevie.”

“Fuck,” he groans, hips jutting again. “Call me that again.”

You cup his face. “You make such pretty sounds, Stevie.”

“Jesus Christ,” he breathes, eyes fluttering shut.

Smiling, you kiss down his body yet again, making your kisses a little rougher. You slightly suck on Steve’s beauty marks, eliciting moans from him. You find yourself back at his dick, more swollen than you’ve ever seen it. This time, you tease him with your tongue, running it up along the underside and flicking over his head. Steve bites his lip so hard that it draws blood, his nails digging into his palm. A strangled moan passes his soft lips before they part into an ‘o’, his jaw tilting upwards.

You think the scene above you is so hot that you can’t help but to stop your movements and tell him. “Baby boy, you look so sexy like this.”

Another strangled moan. “Princess….”

You take him fully in your mouth then, making his head throw back again. He takes in shaky breaths, eyes shut tightly. A long ohhh comes out, and you smile before hollowing your cheeks.

Steve’s almost sure you’re going to let him cum this time, but you don’t. Steve cries out, pouting, and you lightly slap his thigh. “Don’t you want to make Princess cum first, Stevie?”

He whines. “Please, Princess, let me be good for you.”

Your breath catches, arousal spiking, and you straddle his hips. “Steve, are you doing okay?”

He grinds his hips up. “Please - please fuck me, Y/N, can’t handle it -”

You place a hand on his chest as you slowly rub your folds back and forth on his tip. He looks up at you, blissed out, pupils blown and lips parted - he looks so pretty like this. You slowly sink down, and Steve bites down on his own shoulder, eyes clamped, a loud groan coming out of him. You moan right back, spurred on by his neediness.

When you’re fully seated, you move your hips back and forth, sending Steve’s eyes rolling back again. You bite your lip and play with yourself, watching him squirm beneath you. He knows better now than to jerk his hips, but Jesus, it’s so hard.

“You’re going to make me cum, and then I’ll let you touch me, okay?” you breathe. “And then I’ll make sure you cum, too. Can you do that for me, baby boy?”

Steve nods eagerly. “Whatever you want - just, fuck, please move your hips -”

You lift up and lower yourself slowly, gently, driving Steve wild. He knows you’re a sucker for dirty talk and, desperate for relief, he says, “C’mon, Y/N, please use my cock to get yourself off.”

It works. Steve almost grins, but instead his mouth falls open as you pick up your pace. He lifts his head to watch his cock get slicker with each stroke of your hips, and he nearly dies on the spot. Your hips roll expertly, taking him just as he loves it. You make it hard for him to not cum, testing his limits, seeing if he’s truly a good boy - but he does well, forcing himself to not let that knot in his stomach get too tight. You reach down and rub circles into your clit, throwing your head back, and Steve’s head spins at how sexy you look.

“You feel so good in me, baby -” you choke out.

“Jesus Christ,” he hisses, his hips involuntarily lifting.

“You want me to cum on that pretty cock?”

“Please,” he whines.

After a few more strokes you reach your high, still working his cock as you ride through it. Steve has to bite his shoulder again to force himself to not cum from it - he knows he has to wait until he gets permission.

You lean forward once catching your breath, hands resting on the satin. “Will you be a good boy if I untie you?”

“I promise,” he whimpers. “I just wanna touch you.”

You relent, letting the satin fall from his hands. He stretches them before you take them in yours, rubbing the red skin. “Are you okay?”

He nods. “Can I touch you?”

You respond by placing his hands on your breasts. He massages them for a moment, thumbs rubbing your nipples, before they fall to your hips, then ass, then thighs. He can’t get enough of your soft skin in his calloused hands.

“Can I kiss you?”

You bend down, letting Steve take your lips in his. It starts off slow and passionate before becoming messy, teeth and tongue clashing. He pulls you close, chests pressing together, and you nearly forget that he’s still in you, hard and aching.

“Steve,” you say against his lips. “Do you want to fuck me?”

He nods, lips red and eyes wide. “Please.”

“I’m yours,” you say, straightening. “However you want me.”

Steve wants you on your back, legs wrapped around him, so he can continue to kiss and touch you as he thrusts. It’s quickly delving into ‘making love’ territory, straying from ‘teaching my mouthy friend a lesson’. He enters you again swiftly, but he keeps a steady pace as he pounds into you, filling you up nicely.

“Don’t cum til I give you permission, okay, baby boy?” you moan, and Steve groans in response. He leans down to suck a mark onto your neck, his tongue darting out and making you gasp. As Steve’s pace quickens, he buries his head into your chest, groaning.

“Thank you, Princess,” he moans. “Love this pussy - fuck -”

“Steve, Jesus,” you breathe. “So good for me -”

“I love you,” he says, his hands gripping your hips. “Fuck - fuck - I love you -”

Your eyes are wide but you’re nearly positive he’s trying to say he loves your body, not you. “Are you close?”

“Yes,” he breathes, leaning up to kiss you. “Can I cum in your mouth?”

“Fuck yeah,” you breathe.

Steve pulls out, pumping himself as you hop up and onto your stomach, facing his dick. You open your mouth and he slips in, eyes rolling back as you bob on it. You hollow your cheeks and swirl your tongue as Steve’s hands wrap in your hair, pulling tightly. His breathing picks up and he moans out, “Sh- shit - I’m gonna -”

You hum in affirmation and he lets go. Steve feels like he’s levitating as his orgasm hits, cumming harder than he ever has. His hands grip your hair harder as he chokes out your name, moaning loudly.

When he’s finished, you pull him down to you, kissing him roughly. A tongue slips inside his mouth and, had you told him an hour ago that you’d be kissing him after swallowing his cum, he would cringe. But now, it’s the hottest thing, nearly making him cum again. He groans and wraps his hand around the back of your neck to pull you in closer. You wrap a hand in his hair and he hums happily, deepening this kiss.

“Thank you, Princess,” he whispers, and you pull him back in with a moan.

You kiss until they become shallow and quick, Steve pulling away first to look at you with pure adoration.

“You’re going to be the death of me,” he whispers. “Jesus fucking Christ, you’re going to -”

“Do you really love me?”

Steve’s mouth falls open again, sweetly mimicking how he’d looked when you were teasing him earlier. You pull him onto the bed, arms wrapping around him, a blanket thrown over him. “Do you?”

“Y/N,” he says slowly. “I didn’t mean to say it -”

“But do you mean it?”

He swallows hard. “All I’m saying is that I wouldn’t trust anyone else to do what you just did with me.”

You gasp. “You do love me!”

Steve stutters. “Well - I - okay - well - do - you love me?”

You smile and nod. “I love you.”

“Really?”

“For real, baby boy.”

Steve groans and pulls you into another kiss. “God, you better never use that name outside of the bedroom -”

“Or else what?”

“Or else you’re going to be the one that’s punished,” he whispers, a smug smile crossing his face. “And I already know you love being a sub.”

“That’s not very romantic of you,” you say, wrapping your arms around him tighter. “But I accept your challenge.”

Steve rests his head on your chest as you play with his hair, letting him calm down and relax. His hand tangles in yours after a while. “I wanted to tell you for a long time,” he says quietly. “But I guess… after putting my trust in you like that - and you didn’t hurt me, you kept checking on me… I think it just made me realize how much you mean to me. I didn’t mean for it to slip during sex.”

You kiss the top of his head. “I’m just glad you said it, because I love you, too. You and your mouth and your ego. The whole package.”

He smiles and leans up, kissing you sweetly before resting his head on your chest again. “No take backs.”

You smile and wrap your arms around him tighter. “No take backs.”

===

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#steve harrington #steve harrington x you #steve harrington oneshot #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington smut #my fics #Jesus christ yall get some water before u read

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doberbutts · 3 years ago

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I gotta say I really appreciated your candour in discussing sex stuff and you're absolutely right that communication should be a normal thing well before any clothes come off but also just

It's kinda made me realise that a big reason why I struggled to relax or go further with the cis guys I dated was purely down to the assumption that they would assume we would be doing x thing and just

That made me terrified of being intimate with them

And now I'm like damn, man, I should have just discussed it with them, because they may well have been completely fine with not doing x/not even been wild on x themselves, or actually preferred if we only did x with them receiving (which I'm completely fine with, it's just receiving it myself that is a total dealbreaker for me)

Or at the very least confirmed that we were incompatible, shrugged our shoulders and parted ways with no harm done

But they never brought it up and I never brought it up, so it never lasted long before I just noped out (and then wondered what the fuck was wrong with me, getting panic attacks over the prospect of doing something that was supposed to be fun and feel good :/ )

It's only years later that I was tentatively discussing preferences with my partner (whom I've been best friends with for a decade before we even got together, so there was already a strong trust there) that it came up and she didn't even bat an eyelid over me telling her, just agreed that if I didn't like it we'd never do it, nbd. And now I'm just like. Huh. Okay. In that case I would like to try y and z things then. And we did, and everything went great.

Communication about bedroom stuff definitely needs to be more normalised, and people need to not assume they know what their partner's preferences are/what will happen if things get to the bedroom point. My relationships weren't even cis het - all the guys I dated were either fully aware I was queer or were queer themselves and still there was basically no discussion of bedroom preferences whatsoever. It's a real issue.

Yeah, there's a lot of pressure that a lack of communication adds to things, and that can really have a negative effect on relationships, self esteem, and sexual interest. Talking about it helps, because it lets you draw healthy boundaries while understanding your partner's expectations and visa versa.

For one of the gay men I've dated, he was very up front that while it didn't *disgust* him, he really had no idea what he was doing with that part of me, and thus if I wanted anything in that regard I would need to show him. Lucky for him I super do not want anything from that part of me, so I was able to take that pressure off of him by relaying it was a hard no from me anyway, and we were able to move on to discuss what we did both like. He was free from the expectation he had assumed would be there, and I was free from the worry he would pursue that thinking I would like it. We didn't even start messing around for several more weeks- once again a solid conversation to be had well before the pants come off.

On the flip side, I did have what turned out to be a ONS with a bi guy even though what he'd SAID was that he wanted a relationship 🙄 and *even though* we had talked about things, it turned out he had not revealed all of his expectations, and there was a lot of awkward fumbling for 'oh I uh... don't actually like doing that' and 'I would rather do this but I don't think you're down for it', and at the end of the night it was an overall anticlimatic and unfulfilling time. We could have resolved that easily far before rolling in the sheets but instead he opted to wait until that very minute, and in the end we were both just frustrated instead of satisfied.

Anyway. Bedroom stuff demands intimacy, trust, and vulnerability. If [general] you're unable to talk about it when there's really no pressure either way, how can [general] you expect to have a good time? I mean yeah sure maybe you'll get lucky, but also maybe you won't. I don't understand couple that just... go at it, and then complain they don't like xyz thing that their partner does, but also refuse to talk to said partner about it. Maybe this is just the kinky part of me but if I don't like something I say so in the moment. I'm no longer a super nervous 20yo laying under my boyfriend as he tries to tell me it'll start feeling good soon. I really feel bad for the folks who are still at that point, mentally.

Talk to your partners before committing to the deed. And if you both like to be spontaneous or you both are still figuring out what you like and where boundaries are, then make sure to provide a safe atmosphere where your partner can bring things to a halt if they need to. I understand that like... super a kink mindset... but I think that's an aspect that some variations of vanilla have forgotten. The ability to pump the brakes is just as important as the ability to rev the engine.

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sie-werden-nie-vergessen · 3 years ago

Text

“Ruth and Ephraim as a couple” headcanons/AU, ft “Sarah in Boston”

@shapeshiftersandfire, so here it is. I finished way earlier than I anticipated, but I just started typing and here it is!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muFFeiBUffQ (this song is required listening when reading these headcanons. It IS Ephraim and Ruth’s theme song. I recommend starting it at 3:14 because that point of the song is the section that really gives me Ruth and Ephraim vibes)

First off, there is SO much covert flirting. SO, SO MUCH FLIRTING.

Ephraim is definitely having an identity crisis on the way home after the card game.

He gets home and Deodat asks him how the party went and he just kind of stands there like an oaf.

“It went fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“No Yes”

“...okay”

Deodat doesn’t believe him but he assumes that maybe Ephraim was just rejected by a date or something. Little does he know…..

“Fire Meet Gasoline” is a very good analogy to their relationship.

Because not only would it be passionate

But their relationship would probably also develop very quickly

They wouldn’t rush things, per se, but the “crush” phase is definitely very short for them

They’re both very outspoken and confident, so they very quickly open up about their feelings rather than beating around the bush.

They’re both very passionate people in terms of personality, and even when Ephraim is open-minded enough to fall for Ruth, they still inevitably clash with their opinions

They don’t fight but they definitely debate.

But in a healthy way. The debates can get heated but not in a hostile way. They’re just both very opinionated and they get very passionate about their opinions and their different thought processes.

“I know I’m right!” “Yeah well I know that I”M right!” “Well I think I’m right because xyz” “Well my reasons are abc” “...that’s a good point. But I’m still right ;)”

So it probably looks like arguing to some people, but they both know that it’s all in good humor so neither Ephraim or Ruth are actually hurt by it or anything

They actually think it’s a good source of entertainment.

They once got into a heated debate about the correct color of socks in the middle of the new Mill Valley department store just to see the reactions of the cashiers

The aforementioned cashiers were horrified

Ephraim was arguing in favor of brown socks, and Ruth in favor of gray.

They ended up buying both colors.

Ruth now buys him brown and gray socks for a gag gift every Christmas (were gag gifts a thing in 1898? No clue, but I like the idea so I’m running with it and not researching something for once).

Ephraim keeps her a secret for a long time, for obvious reasons.

Ruth doesn’t mind this because she understands his reasoning behind it.

She takes it as an opportunity to introduce him to her family and friends.

Ephraim gets along great with her brother Charles, and almost immediately the “future brother in law” jokes start.

Ruth is surprisingly embarrassed by this.

Ephraim teases her for days about that fact.

“Finally! I finally found something that embarrasses you!”

Ephraim goes to her performances and cheers her on (he always brings a bouquet too)

He sits in the front row right at the bottom of the stage and claps the loudest when she comes on stage.

Ruth is big into theatrics and has an entire setup of smoke cannons and mood lighting that announce her entrance.

She steps into this cloud of smoke and raises her arms dramatically and announces herself

Ruth loves to wear the color red because it looks so striking against her pale skin, but she secretly loves lighter shades of blue even more (they just don’t give off very strong “mystical” vibes, so she sticks to dark reds when she’s in the spotlight)

She works as a fortune teller and does card tricks as well

She loves to hear the ridiculous rumors and urban legends surrounding the “mystical powers” of albinos and then she incorporates that into her routine

“ALBINOS CAN READ MINDS” okay, well now she does mind reading as a new trick

In reality she’s just a very analytical person so it’s easy for her to pick up on small body language or vocal cues

Ephraim always asks her to tell him her fortune and it inevitably turns into some sappy “well I think you’ll end up marrying an amazing circus performer who just so happens to also be the most beautiful woman in Pennsylvania” thing

Ephraim definitely agrees with her “fortune”

He tells her about Sarah pretty early on in the relationship. He doesn’t want to hide anything from her.

He isn’t sure how she’ll take it, especially considering the fact that he was complacent in Sarah’s abuse for years until he really got out into the world and realized that everything he “knew” about albinism was wrong.

Ruth is definitely shocked but she assures him that he’s not some sort of monster, because he realized that what his parents trained him to think was wrong and he was able to grow from that.

One day when the rest of the family is out, Ephraim sneaks Ruth into the mansion (with the help of Sylvie and Lou Lou, of course) and she goes down to the cellar to meet Sarah.

Sarah is absolutely floored that there are others like her.

Of course she knew, because Ephraim told her when he returned from college and made amends, but when she sees it infront of her eyes it’s still a shock.

Ruth and Sarah hit it off instantly, of course.

Ruth promises to take Sarah to see a circus someday

Sarah can’t wait to see the elephants.

A few days after the secret meeting, Ephraim decides to tell his family about Ruth.

He tells Harold, thinking that maybe Harold would understand

But Harold just rats him out to Deodat and Delanie

They’re furious, of course

They don’t tell Gertrude because they claim that it would give her a heart attack

And tbh, it might

Gertrude figures it out anyways from the deranged yelling that comes from downstairs

“After all we’ve done to hide Sarah, and now you do THIS?!!”

“Mother, there’s nothing wrong with her.”

“She’s a circus freak!”

“By choice. She enjoys working in sideshows. That doesn’t make her a bad person.”

“Are you sure she isn’t just trying to mooch off of OUR money?!”

“She’s very wealthy, Mother. She works because she enjoys it.”

Deodat has more or less the same reaction.

Harold just can’t believe that Ephraim would “betray” the family in that way.

Ephraim tells Ruth the next day, and they decide to take Sarah away and leave for Boston.

Charles helps with the legal side of things, and pulls a few strings with his lawyer friends in Pennsylvania to have Sarah legally emancipated from her parents.

The trio moves to Boston and temporarily lives with Charles and his wife Louisa.

Louisa is smitten with Sarah from the start and insists on baking her ridiculous amounts of gingerbread.

(For no reason, really, but Louisa just has a thing for gingerbread. Sarah doesn’t complain)

Sarah gains quite a lot of weight in those first few months, and for the first time in her life she weighs a healthy amount.

Ruth takes her clothes shopping often, and she insists on buying Sarah the nicest and newest fashions (even though she grows out of them so quickly now. It’s as if 18 years of growing have finally caught up with her at once).

Sarah hugs Ephraim for the first time after she and Ruth return from their first major shopping trip. Ephraim almost cries, and Ruth grins so hard that her face hurts.

Ephraim wasn’t sure if Sarah could ever forgive him, but that was proof enough for him.

Ruth gives Sarah her first diamond necklace. It’s the one that Ruth wore the day she met Sarah. Sarah had said that it was the prettiest thing that she had ever seen, and Ruth saved it for her until they reached Boston. It was an informal adoption gift, really.

Ephraim and Ruth eventually buy a nice brownstone in Boston. It’s a few streets away from Charles and Louisa’s home, and there’s a large park across the street.

Sarah loves to sit in the park and watch the swans and ducks on the pond.

Sometimes Ruth and Ephraim go with her, but a lot of the time they let her go alone. They know that she’s been through a lot, and that sometimes she needs time alone to process everything.

Sometimes she comes back with tears in her eyes, but no one mentions it. Ruth brings her a cup of tea or a piece of gingerbread (Louisa is always sending over fresh gingerbread) and offers her a shoulder to cry on, if she needs it.

Ruth takes Sarah to meet her fellow albino circus performers. For once in her life, Sarah feels truly accepted and understood when she stands in a room surrounded by people like her.

There are so many children in the room, and they’re all so loved by their family members, regardless of their albinism. It makes Sarah sad at first, but she’s also happy to see that they were raised in loving households instead of abusive and hateful ones.

For their first Christmas together in Boston, Ephraim buys Sarah a Kodak No. 2 Bullseye Camera. When the first Kodak Brownie camera is released a few years later in 1900, he buys her one of those as well.

He tells her that she can use it to document her new life in Boston.

The first picture she takes is a picture of a sleeping Ephraim.

He’s sitting in an armchair next to the Christmas tree, surrounded by wrapping paper and plates of half finished cookies.

Once the picture is developed, she puts it in her new photo album that Charles and Louisa gave to her.

When Ephraim woke up, Sarah asked to take a picture with him.

Of course he obliged.

She keeps that one in a frame by her bedside.

Sarah has a whole pile of her “treasures” that she keeps beside her bed, but that picture is at the center of it all.

Ephraim notices it one time when he’s helping Ruth collect the laundry, and it touches him more than he can say.

For her gift, Ruth arranges for Sarah to take some writing classes at the local women’s college.

Sarah is thrilled. She starts to write stories other than horror.

She still loves scary stories, but she finds a new love for children’s stories and romance novels.

Little Women is her favorite (Ruth is delighted! It was her favorite book too!)

In 1900 Ruth and Ephraim have a son. They name him Eli, in reference to Sarah’s middle name (Elizabeth).

Sarah is the proudest aunt you’ve ever seen.

Ephraim and Ruth go on to have more children, but Sarah has a special bond with little Eli. He is the first baby that she ever held.

The odd little family on Pearl Street is probably the happiest family you’ll ever see.

Sarah eventually marries the son of one of Ruth’s circus colleagues.

His name is Thomas, and he’s a quiet man.

He loves birds too, just like Sarah.

He and Sarah go bird watching often.

They go on to have a large family. 2 out of the 5 children have albinism, but they love all of their children the same.

They live a long life.

Neither Ephraim, Ruth, or Sarah ever return to Mill Valley. They’re more than happy to let the past remain in the past.

Bonus: Harold In Boston Headcanons/AU

Once Ephraim does reach out to Harold, and he’s surprised to learn that Harold has also distanced himself from their parents.

Gertrude died in 1899, and shortly after that Harold’s fiancée Violet died of tuberculosis. With his ties to Mill Valley significantly loosened, Harold took an extended business trip to Philadelphia where he eventually opened his own publishing company. After the mercury scandal at the mill, Deodat and Delanie are essentially ruined and Harold is free to pursue his own interests independent of the mill.

He goes to visit Ephraim in 1900 to congratulate him on the birth of his son.

It’s tense at first, when he see’s Sarah. He isn’t sure how she’ll react to him.

She’s wearing a white lace dress with small puffs at the sleeves, and pale blue ribbons at the cuffs and waist of the skirt.

Her hair is in a soft gibson girl-esque style, and Harold realizes that it’s the first time he’s ever seen her in anything other than the old gown she always wore back in Pennsylvania.

“Hello Sarah”

“Hello Harold”

He isn’t sure what to do at first, but Ruth quickly introduces herself to abate the awkward silence.

He’s never met Ruth, but he quickly understands why Ephraim likes her so much.

After he meets the baby and pleasantries are exchanged, he wanders off into one of the upstairs rooms of the home.

(Sarah left the room once Ruth brought out the baby. She loves Eli, but she feels awkward being everyone all at once, as if she’s intruding on something she isn’t, of course).

He accidentally goes into Sarah’s room, only to find her at her desk writing.

Her room is nothing like the dark basement she used to call home, and Harold is thankful for that.

“So, you still write?”

Sarah jumps in her chair a little, before suddenly whipping around. She’s still not good with loud or sudden noises, even after 3 years of safety.

Harold cringes when she jumps. He hates that he still scares her.

When she composes herself, she smiles a small smile. “Yes, I still write.”

Harold asks what she writes about these days, and she tells him that she writes children’s stories.

It’s a sad irony, considering the mercury scandal, but Harold doesn’t tell her about that yet.

She had left Mill Valley before the worst of it, and he knows how much she loved those children.

After they talk for a while, Sarah eventually invites him to sit with her.

They sit side by side on her bed and she shows him her notebooks.

He’s surprised by how much she’s grown since he last saw her. She’s a little taller now, and she’s gained a lot of weight. Her face isn’t hollow anymore, and her eyes are bright now. Her hair is shiny and thick, and she truly looks happy.

She only shakes a little when he’s so close to her. Harold still scares her a little, but Ephraim promised her that no one would ever hurt her again.

Sarah trusts Ephraim immensely, so she’s willing to trust Harold too

Still, it’s a little hard for her to have him in such close proximity.

Harold notices her discomfort and moves a few inches away (still close enough to see her notebooks, but far enough that it gives Sarah a safe buffer). Her nerves calm down once she has a “safe zone.”

Harold finally works up the nerve to say something.

“Sarah, I-”

“I know. Ephraim told me.”

“He did?”

“He did”

“Well...that’s...that’s good.”

The next thing that Sarah does shocks Harold to his core.

She reaches out, her hands shaking, and grabs his hand.

“I know that you didn’t mean it - what you did to me -...not really, anyways. I know you’re different now.”

Harold squeezes her hand in return, and she stops shaking.

“Thank you”

Sarah smiles

“Of course”

Ephraim happens to pass Sarah’s bedroom on his way upstairs and nearly dies of shock at the site of them. Harold doesn’t notice Ephraim, but Sarah does.

She bursts out laughing, because Ephraim genuinely looks horrified, shocked, and immensely confused.

“He said that he was sorry!,” she explained in a half yell in Ephraim’s direction.

Ephraim is still in shock, so he doesn’t say anything.

Harold is also in shock, but because of Sarah’s laugh.

The man genuinely didn’t think that it was possible, and yet here she was laughing.

When everyone recovers from their respective shocks, Harold is invited to stay for dinner.

This dinner invitation turns into a long term stay, and eventually Harold moves his business to Boston.

He buys the brownstone next to Ephraim and Ruth’s home.

He remains a bachelor all his life, never having truly recovered from Violet’s death.

Harold definitely earns the title of “World’s Greatest Uncle” in regards to Sarah and Thomas’ children.

By 1980 the neighborhood block is so full of Bellows descendants that it’s unofficially renamed Bellows Square

Ruth and Ephraim’s house becomes a local historic landmark, considering the fact that Ephraim went on to become one of the country’s early geneticists who (humanely) studied genetic disorders and medical conditions.

The house later becomes a museum in the early 90s, having been restored to the same state that it was when they once resided in it.

Sarah’s Kodak No. 2 Bullseye is put on display, but the crowning achievement is her collection of photo albums and notebooks. She went on to become a children’s writer and illustrator, basing many of her books on her experiences in Boston.

The old Bellows Paper Mill is torn down in 1948 to make room for new housing following the G.I. Bill and the post-war Baby Boom.

None of the surviving Bellows are sad to see it go.

#ephraim bellows #sarah bellows #ruth vedette #headcanons #au #ruth is my own character #harold bellows

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vivianswers · 4 years ago

Text

[Blind Date]

JW: Anyong GyeoUl-ah~ I heard from IkJun that you're getting off early today. Let's get dinner?

As GyeoUl finishes up the patients' chart for today, she sees his text and smiles. She immediately replies "Yes, Gyuso-nim~" and excitingly looks forward to dinner time.

Since there is still an hour left of her shift yet all the charts today are finished, GyeoUl starts to go over the ones for outpatient rounds tomorrow. Suddenly, there is a reminder alert popping up on her phone that reads: Blind Date Dinner with MinHa's doctor friend at Restaurant XYZ, 6:30PM.

GyeoUl starts to panic that she had completely forgotten about this blind date today. She reaches for a chocopie from the snack tray while unnervingly walking back and forth. Sweet is her favorite stress-eating snack after all.

__________________

After seeing how upset GyeoUl was when JeongWon lied to turn down her dinner request, MinHa tasked herself on a quest to find a better suited blind date for her fellow ARMY. However, GyeoUl kept using her night shifts as an excuse to refuse these blind dates. MinHa, of course, would not give up easily. She then begged GyeoUl to say yes to one dinner date with one of her friends, whom she believed would be a perfect match. Minha had also generously bribed her friend with a BTS concert's VIP ticket and 1 month of Egg Drop sandwiches to push GyeoUl to reluctantly agree.

_____________

GyeoUl then texts MinHa asking if it is still ok to somehow cancel today's arranged dinner. Within 5 minutes, big stomping steps can be heard approaching, and then violently pushed open the door is Dr. Chu MinHa, currently looking like a hot mess with unkempt messy hair-bun and dark eye circles, glaring straight at GyeoUl.

"I have had 3 night-shifts in a row and about to cover another one as an emergency because that fox of a coworker pulls the disappearance card again so I need to punch something right now. Please don't let it be you. I had already given up one VIP BTS ticket for you that I extorted for myself from the ungrateful bastard ex-boyfriend to make tonight's dinner happen. And 1 month of Egg Drop Sandwiches. I even made an RSVP at your favorite restaurant. Dr. Jang, you better give me a very good reason to cancel this. Unless you magically have a boyfriend right now, or I will NOT accept anything else."

"Actually I—" GyeoUl pauses as she remembers that they are supposed to keep the relationship a secret for now. "Um… yeah I still don't have a boyfriend yet." She dejectedly answers while looking away.

"Then you better show up to the date tonight." MinHa slammed the door behind her.

Feeling like she had pushed the wrong button on MinHa today, GyeoUl lets out a big sigh and stress-eats another chocopie instead. Ah! Perhaps, Professor Lee IkJun can give me some advice.

GU: Lee Gyuso-nim… GU: MinHa arranged a dinner date for me tonight with her friend. But I want to turn down this date. How do I text him to let him down nicely? IJ: Hello to my favorite Dr. Long Winter IJ: Ah~ MinHa told me about it when she asked me about your surgery schedule this month. IJ: Oh yeah, it is tonight huh? IJ: It's a good thing though. Why would you want to turn him down? You get off early today anyways. IJ: Just go and have fun. IJ: Forget that jerk JeongWon for now~

Of course, I cannot tell Professor Lee the truth either—GyeoUl thought to herself—Maybe I'll just go to dinner and turn him down nicely after. Dr. Chu had put in a lot of effort for this anyways. Sorry Professor Ahn. But should I tell him the truth? Would he be mad? Maybe I should just tell him everything afterwards.

After contemplating back and forth with another chocopie devoured, GyeoUl then texts JeongWon.

GU: Gyuso-nim… GU: Actually, I'm so sorry but I cannot have dinner with you tonight. I forgot that I have something very important to take care of for Dr. Chu. I'm very sorry Gyuso-nim. Can I make it up to you another time?

JeongWon's happy mood from earlier quickly sinks when he sees the texts because he's looking forward to this dinner as well. He even made the RSVP in advance at her favorite restaurant right away. But if she's busy then there's nothing else he can do about it. So he texts back to assure her to not fret over today's dinner.

As he's about to call the restaurant to cancel the RSVP, his office door is suddenly sprung open without a knock.

"JeongWon-ah~ What are you doing tonight? Let's go karaoke! Everyone else is down. I didn't get to sing much last time." – IkJun barges in, uninvited as usual.

JeongWon lets out a sigh, as he presses the restaurant's phone number on his phone. Before he could say anything else, IkJun continues.

"Oh yeah… Did you also know that our Dr. Long Winter has a dinner date tonight with some guy? MinHa seems to have arranged back then when you lied about going to YangPyeong that one time to reject her."

JeongWon pauses, then solemnly stares back at IkJun.

Seeing how he has poked his friend at the right tickled spot, IkJun deliberately spices it up some more. "She even texted me about how excited she is about this date. It is even at her favorite restaurant too."

Jeongwon keeps his silence. His thumb swipes across the phone to cancel the call, while keeping the stern deep-in-thoughts look.

"Anyways… so are you gonna join us or not?" IkJun changes the subject.

"No you guys go ahead. I have something else I need to attend to." JeongWon shoves IkJun out of the way to leave his room. As he walks to the parking structure, he can still hear his friend's irritating words "Ahn JeongWon is no fun!!" echoing through the hall.

-----------------------------------

The time is now 6:40PM. JeongWon approaches the receptionist of the Restaurant XYZ.

"Good evening. My apologies. I'm supposed to have a dinner RSVP at 7PM. Unfortunately, I would have to cancel it. I will take care of any cancellation fee. Also, I would still like to order some entrees for takeout. Would that be alright?"

The receptionist politely reassures him. "No worry, dear customer. Thank you for letting us know. Our cancellation policy is 15 minutes before the RSVP time for any incurred fee, so you’re still good. Here is the takeout menu. Please take your time."

After ordering the takeout, JeongWon scans through the dining area and able to spot his GyeoUl right away. He then chuckles at the fact that her outfit still looks plain and simple, her hair still loosely tied up, but still exudes that raw and innocent beauty that he fell for.

After receiving his takeout food from the receptionist, JeongWon stands still for a while, deep in thought, glances at GyeoUl again, and leaves the restaurant.

------------------------------------

After dinner, the gentleman offers to drive GyeoUl home since it is dark outside, but she respectfully declines as she prefers to ride the subway instead. They both then greet each other goodbye. As the gentleman leaves, GyeoUl takes out her phone, about to call JeongWon regarding today's, then she hears a familiar voice.

"GyeoUl-ah~"

She turns around and sees her beloved Professor Ahn leaning against his car, waiting for her all this time. Both surprised and happy, she dashes towards him.

"Gyuso-nim~ How do you know that I'm here? Ah wait, does that mean you know about today's dinner? But—Ah—I mean… I'm so sorry. I was about to call you and tell—" She tries to push all the words out in a hurry.

"GyeoUl-ah~ it's alright." JeongWon smiles as he pats her head. "I also RSVP-ed this restaurant for us tonight too, so I happened to see you as I went in to cancel the RSVP."

GyeoUl somehow cannot bring herself to say another word. All the practice speeches she had in her head earlier have entirely disappeared. She lowers her head and pouts in deep regret that she should not have gone to this date tonight as she realizes how much it must have pained JeongWon to see it. Noticing her dejected face with tears puddling up, he pulls her into his embrace, with his hand continue to pat her head.

"You couldn't turn Dr. Chu's request down because you had to keep our relationship a secret, right? I'm sorry to have made you lie like this." He sighs. "This whole thing was because of me anyways. If I had not lied about YangPyeong back then, this arranged date would not have happened. So, I guess I am facing the retribution for my lies that had hurt you."

GyeoUl slowly pulls her upper body out of JeongWon's embrace. "Gyuso-nim… I.. really planned to tell you everything right after. Also, nothing happens at dinner either. We each paid for own dinner too. It turns out, he was also coerced by MinHa for tonight's date as well. He also has a girlfriend but coincidentally have to keep their relationship a secret as well, just like us. Ah, he is also a GS surgeon like us, working for Doldam hospital in Gangwon. The interesting thing is he kinda looks like you."

She then tugs herself into his embrace again, this time taking the initiative to hug him tight. "I'm sorry Gyuso-nim. I promise I will firmly turn down all MinHa's arranged dates for me from now on." She lifts her head upwards "I'm... only going to go on dates with you."

JeongWon lovingly locks his gaze on her face, then pretends to sulk. "But in the end, I'm still hurt that my girlfriend had a dinner date with another man."

"What can I do to make it up to you, Gyuso-nim?" – GyeoUl asked with a puzzled look.

"You can… kiss me?"

GyeoUl quickly looks down to hide her blushing cheeks at JeongWon's teasing.

Witnessing the satisfying adorable reaction of his girlfriend, he then chuckles.

"Just kidding. I was only teas—"

Those words are suddenly blocked by a surprise attack of his girlfriend's lips, boldly pressing against his, for about a few seconds, then she looks down again to hide her even redder cheeks. Before allowing her heart rate to slow down, he lifts her head up with both hands and kisses her, this time definitely longer than just a few seconds. Since it's no longer their first time, the kissing sessions have turned more and more playful. GyeoUl slowly matches up to JeongWon's kissing pace as well. Turns out, kissing can be so fun and…addicting too.

After a while, their kissing session is once again interrupted by a stomach's rumbling sound, this time from JeongWon's.

"You haven't eaten yet, Gyuso-nim?"

"Not yet. I bought the food here earlier to wait to eat with you because I saw that you only had one plate for dinner. The food has cooled down though. We can heat up the food and eat at my place nearby. JunWan is at the hospital today so we don't have to worry about him knowing our secret." JeongWon said as he opens the car door to the passenger's side for GyeoUl, then walks over to his.

"Gyuso-nim, can we have ramen at your place as well?" – GyeoUl asks, knowing her stomach would not be satisfied with just one entrée dish.

JeongWon completely freezes at her question, awkwardly answers "Of..Of course we..you can", then takes a deep breath and slowly exhales. While understanding that she may not know its hidden meaning, this kind of question after an intense kiss session is definitely dangerous. As he thought, perhaps priesthood is indeed not for him after all.

-----------

Update P.S: If you didn’t know already, her blind date is YYS’s other character in Dr. Romantic :))))))))))

P.S.S: Yes I know what ‘eating ramen’ means hehehhhhhh ;)

#hospital playlist #winter garden #ahn jung won #jang gyeo wool #fanfic

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kimnjss · 4 years ago

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Fuck it.

They're both idiots and both horrible. I take no argument on that. NONE.

Up first, Jimin. I appreciate that he told her that instead of just sleeping around or restraining himself for 2 years and thus possibly being annoyed with her because he felt she was a hindrance to him doing whatever. But he's a fucking dumbass. You don't tell someone you want to be able to see others and then end up plastered everywhere putting your dick in all these women. Especially since it was clearly a constant. More so because even if it wasn't on the internet they went to the same school and he's well known, so him sleeping with everyone was bound to work it's way back to her. It wss just a dumb fuck move, but I don't blame him or hate him for telling her what he wanted in an attempt to not end up doing it and hurting her more.

That leads me to my other issue with him though. Despite him being the type to focus on what he wants, he was good at gauging YN's shit too. Her feelings were something he was aware of. So him coming back after telling her that and sleeping around is fuck shit. Especially because he should at least realize that seeing him plastered everywhere after sleeping with this and that person would hurt. Especially if his dumbass didn't keep in contact. That part should be fucking obvious, which should lead to understanding of how telling her he wanted to see others as he worked hurt her. Even if she is the one who broke up with him.

I refuse to say he broke up with her because they were broken up and that was very much her decision, not his.

Now, on to dumd fuck YN. Her feelings are valid. Going through all that and then having him decide he wants to see others would hurt like a bitch. And since I don't know if he emphasized that his seeing others was temporary or not to her, I can't touch on that. Not that it takes away from her pain. But what is not valid is her deciding her fuck girl antics making her kinda shitty. I brought it up before and I just despise this rating game she's doing. It's trash. Even if the guys don't know, her friends do. And no one seems to he telling her shit. Like wtf JK! I expect better from him. To stop her from being that bad at least. And for Hoseok to not have to he the one to call her out on her shit. Like JK has dropped the ball and I don't care for him at the moment tbh.

But anyway, to go to the mention of her rating people. I could be wrong in this, but I'm going to say it as if I'm right. Because Jimin's sexual exploits were everywhere for her and anyone to see she wanted to do the same thing. Put her sex life on blast on the internet, but she doesn't have the balls to make that clear to others not in her friend group let alone Jimin. So she plays her little rating game and it's almost like she's on an even playing field with Jimin. As if they're both hurting each other with annoucing their conquests. Which just makes shit sad. Makes her kinda sad to think about.

Like I want to get that she lost her friend and then her boyfriend, but seeing as Jimin didn't make that choice until he was leaving to somewhere else from New York she should've been processing that shit. It takes a while, but that should have been in motion. Especially seeing the dumpster fire of a "friend" fles after he tried to hurt her one last time. So I can't truly accept that as part of the reason she's acting out. It's basically a nonfactor for me when it comes to it. And it isn't a necessary addition. Him hurting her is enough for her to make a change (even if part of that change makes her kinda trash).

I also feel the need to point out she can sleep around all she wants, but issues are with everyone else.

Oh and back to Jimin. Well not Jimin, his friends. I need those dumbasses to stop telling him to drop and actually fucking sit there and tell him he needs to fucking see past what he wants. Yes, they say it but intertwining it with leave her alone forever isn't helpful. Tell him he needs to sit and think about what he did. Or lead the dumb bitch to the answer. Fucking do something. Punk ass Yoongi still got shit to make up for and is bestie's with Hobi so he might as well be useful for once. AND YES I'M STILL MAD AT HIM!

Like everyone is failing at this point expect Hobi. I only trust him right now. It's fuck JK hours if that wasn't clear. Disappointing little shit. Also I get because he and Tae are being baby back bitches who refuse to address whatever the fuck happened he'd be less inclined to get YN to, but I expect better from him got damnit. I'm surrounded by idiots and Hobi.

Also to repeat YN is just as bad as Jimin. They are equals. Until he learns what the fuck he should already be seeing or she admits her feelings and talks to him they shall remain equally dumb bitches. Though I expect her to make things worse, ngl.

Sigh... I shall live in a world where I get to love and cuddle Hobi so I don't have to deal with Dumber and Dumber.

Also I apologize if that's all over the place, I lost focus during some parts.

righhttt! jimin telling her wasn't a bad thing, honestly. he thought he was doing the right thing instead of sleeping around behind her back. he knows himself nd the fact that sleeping around even crossed his mind, he figured breaking things off with her first would lessen the blow . buut what he failed to realize is that w his new fame and the fact that he's been with everybody – everything that he's been up to is like right there in her face.

him not seeing that how he acted would hurt yn simply comes from him not wanting to believe that he would ever hurt her. because he loves her. just how he didn't want miju to have feelings for him, so he just ignored all the signs. jimin hasn't changed in that sense that's the way he's been and it takes someone literally pointing it out like this is xyz for him to finally be like 'oh, maybe that could be true'.

yeah, she definitely broke up with him. but bc jimin wasn't technically onboard, him going back and saying 'we should definitely see other people' was like a double back on it. up until then they were just holding out for each other.

for jeongguk and hobi calling her out (gonna skip over jin bc that boy is in love and really doesn't have time to worry about all this pettiness) but hobi has (and will) on many occasions try to call yn on her bullshit, but she'd either brush him off or explain away her reasoning until he's backing off. jeongguk use to back hobi up, but since his break up with taehyung he's been siding with yn more and rooting for her outlandish behavior. so it's lowkey two against one nd they never listen to hobi, but he never hesitates to point out where they're wrong.

this. the rating theory, dude. this is why i love reading your asks so much bc that's exactly it! mixed with her not wanting to get attached so she thinks doing this would keep them at an arms length, but honestly – it comes w her having to see jimin doing his thing left and right and she's sort of like 'i can do that too'. but of course, they're still in college and people talk, so she doesn't want to be the point of gossip, so she does it secretly nd keeps it between her and her friends.

jimin's friends not speaking to him properly and only telling to leave yn alone is mainly bc they saw everything that yn had to go through with getting over jimin, but at the same time them being friends with jimin is kind of a blocker?? if that makes sense, they know how jimin is aand how he reacts in situations and how he can sometimes be overbearing, so if they were to tell him what's wrong he would do the most and might make things worse. also, they're all in their own lives (joon being newly married, taehyung dealing w his feeling for jeongguk) that it really leaves it to yoongi to fully step in and he's already feeling some type of way for ruining things the first time.

yn is definitely not in the clear though, they've both did their part in making the relationship the way that it is now. and it's going to take the both of them to fix how things are going to be in the future (if they have a future) but it's just jimin who's going to have to take the first step nnot only bc yn is stubborn, but bc he 'left' first.

hobi though, always listen to hobi. he's the only rich guy we can trust!!

#asks; vintage 💋#jimin sm au #asks; kez 🍯

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hirakdesherrani · 5 years ago

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So...I had given up on KHKT a couple of weeks back, ‘cos Sonakshi’s mahaanta was boring my pants off me (yeah I know, every female lead in ITV is mahaan but at least they have some spark or quirk to make it bearable for me). But I kept up with written updates ‘cos in true Ekta fashion, the show kept dangling the “raaz” in front of me. And of course, mujhe jaan na tha hi. 🤷‍♀️

The bada raaz turned out to be rather contrived and phuski. Isse achcha koi car accident hi dikha dete. Khair chhodo.

I’m just missing all the anger at Rohit. Maybe I’ve become desensitized to it, due to years of watching abusive Gul assholes, but I don’t feel angry at Rohit?

I don’t condone his behavior towards Sonakshi, no, but its not like he abused her or said something nasty (remembers how Shivaay would’ve immediately jumped to NKK or Omkara to GGG).

He just told her to leave, rather rudely, yes. But cut that guy some slack. His girlfriend (’cos remember he never broke up with Raima) of so many years, came out of coma, and collapsed within minutes of meeting him. What was he supposed to do? Say that, “Oh you are late, I’ve found someone else. So sorry, go collapse on some other doctor’s door”.

Raima is not just his first love, she is also the guilt Rohit has been carrying with him for four years. He took the call for that surgery, he blames himself for Raima’s coma. That night Rohit lost both his girlfriend and his patient.

As someone who has spent many days in the cancer ward and has several relatives and friends in the profession, I’ve seen the kind of stress doctors have to go through. The loss of a patient is both a professional and a personal loss to them. If a doctor is given even the slimmest chance of saving someone’s life, when all hope is lost, then nothing else matters.

What I saw in the last two days, was Rohit the doctor, more than Rohit the boyfriend. He told Sonakshi to leave, more out of his concern for Raima, his patient. Yes, he did say “My Raima” and all that, but c’mon he never broke up with her.

Which is the main thing. Rohit never truly moved on from Raima. He has feelings for Sonakshi, sure. But all this “I love you” and the engagement ring, it was more a desperate man, wanting to move on in his life, because everyone is telling him too, than a man who has actually gotten over his past.

Does Sona deserve this maltreatment? Definitely not.

But I found her a little annoying too, asking Rohit to listen to her when he’s literally scrambling to revive Raima. This is exactly what had pissed me off about Sona the first time, in the fashion show track. She would just not give the Sippys their personal space. Even that time Rohit had first told her curtly, to leave them alone, but she had started arguing with him, and then of course, Pooja burst with her version of the truth (not her fault, she misinterpreted), and then he lost it.

Anyways, what was annoying was to see the Sippy family throwing Sona out. Rohit was emotionally and mentally overwrought with his gf and patient literally falling on him. But what was wrong with Sippy family? They could have heard Sona out? For them Raima and Sona are equal. In fact, Sona has done so much for the family, for Pooja.

I’m so disappointed in YK and Veena. Two people who had the power to overrule Naren but did not. Did YK forget what hell Sona went through to save her daughter? Did Veena forget how she almost begged Sona to help her son move on and wanted Sona to become a rehab for Rohit at the cost of her own mental peace?

Somewhere this is all Veena (and to some extent Ajit’s) fault. Instead of telling Rohit to seek professional help, they kept pushing him towards Sona, telling him repeatedly that he loved Sona. Rohit obviously took that course, made easy for him because Sona is already in love with him. What he needed to do was sort his feelings towards the two girls, before ditching one for the other.

Which reminds me, I also don’t hate Raima like the rest of the fandom. Is she impulsive, juvenile and a little stupid? Yes. But does she deserve to be in coma and lose her career and boyfriend for that? A RESOUNDING NO.

Maybe its because I identify with Raima when it comes to beating up shitty men (for that matter I plan ahead and hope to contaminate the Ganga/Yamuna with chemical castration agents so that the entire North India is rid of toxic masculinity) but there is nothing wrong with Raima. She is a girl with a good heart (till now). In fact, if we see she’s like every other Gul heroine. Would Khushi, Zoya, Annika or Gauri leave without teaching Karan a lesson? I wager not. Then why hate Raima?

I can see what Rohit saw in Raima. Raima is that kind of public-spirited individual who would take things in her own hands to “save” people. Rohit as a doctor could relate to that.

Just because Raima is normal girl with flaws, and not Mother Theresa like Sonakshi, fangirls have to bash her. I swear the level of misogyny in the KHKT fandom (that’s why I muted that tag itself, not that it helps because Twitter keeps showing you stuff “xyz liked this tweet” or “xyz follows abc”. Abbe bc, if I wanted to see their tweets I would follow them. There’s a reason I don’t.)

I don’t know why most of the fandom is pulling a Pinky and thinks Raima isn’t good enough or can’t hold a candle to Sona, blah, blah.

Please, auntyjis, Rohit isn’t great either. He is impulsive, snobbish and frequently judgmental.

Anyways, I think once Rohit calms down and gets a grip on things, I’m sure he will go and apologize to Sona and make up to her.

The victim in the whole thing is Raima, and her fault was that she thought to help two girls that evening and teach a shitty man a lesson.

What do we learn from this? Girls, never help out other girls. Just mind your own business. Varna tumhaare saath hi bura ho jaayega. *slow caps*

#kahaan hum kahaan tum #rant #my stuff

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darkzorua100 · 5 years ago

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So now that I got all my jokes out of the way, time to talk fully about episode 106. For what it was, it was enjoyable and my love for Human!Ai just continues to grow with each passing episode because he’s just so ridiculous. Like Ai has always been a silly character but now combining that truly with his more serious side as the villain and he’s just like lowkey terrifying and I love villains like those. The ones that truly catch you off guard because you never know what it is that they can actually do since they hide their true plans so well behind the mask of a fool.

And that’s what I really like about Ai as the villain for this season because there has to be more to his plan instead of suddenly just going “yeah all my friends are dead so I’m going to kill humanity now” like he has been saying. We know for a fact that Ai is smarter then he lets on and this wouldn’t be the first time he has lied about his true intentions. All the way back in season 1 he lied to Yusaku about all that he truly knew in order to protect himself. Lightning even called him the wisest of the Ignis. There is something here that he isn’t telling us and I’m wondering if Ai is purposely trying to make himself the villain in everyone’s eyes as part of his survivor’s guilt. Maybe a part of him wants to be killed in order to be with his kin again and if he isn’t able to bring them back, he is trying to make himself humanity’s enemy in order to make things easier for himself by having everyone hate him and in turn making it so they need/want to kill him. Maybe the decision that he has come to is that artificial intelligence with free-will, like himself, shouldn’t be allowed to exist in order to protect humanity? So unless his backup/Lightning’s data did end up corrupting him, there just has to be more that’s going on there then meet the eye. After all, why would he give Akira a notice that he was coming after him instead of just attacking him right away once he was finished with Queen? And like people have been pointing out, the only human he has actually attacked was just Queen and that probably was mainly due to the fact that she was the reason why Earth was killed. As for Roboppy’s side of things, I don’t know if they could be in on this plan or Ai just sending them to their death by making them hate humans.

I liked how the episode began with Ai making this tier list of the best to worst duelists in the show. I mean, it is completely wrong percentage wise (I literally checked) but I do like the comment he made about how Playmaker wouldn’t have won as many of his duels as he should have if Ai wasn’t there to help him and it is true to some extent. Playmaker vs Revolver round 3 only ended in a draw because Ai was willing to sacrifice himself to shield Playmaker from the Tower of Hanoi’s Data Storm as he used his Storm Access and Playmaker wouldn’t have even been able to beat Bohman during their final duel of the season if Ai didn’t do all that he did during that duel. So while I think Playmaker can duel on his own just fine, we seen that he can during episodes 64 and 65, losing Ai is probably still going to be a big hit for him going forward.

I really do like how Ai is smarter then we actually give him credit for because he knew that Akira was going to send in the three best duelists (Playmaker, Soulburner, and Revolver) as his first line of defense and right away had a way to push them to the side so he wouldn’t have to worry about them. And while I’m kinda disappointment that his version of Flame wasn’t a Ritual, Fusion, or Pendulum like how his archetype was leaning towards with his first three Extra Deck Monsters being Link, Synchro, and Xyz, I still thought it was pretty cool how it still had Flame and Takeru’s reincarnation theme built into its effects and it being a phoenix and all that. I do find it funny though how when all the copies of Ai were able to set up their stall wall, Soulburner was just like “if we can’t use Links, how are we supposed to beat them?!”

Takeru, honey, you, Yusaku, and Ryoken have other Extra Deck monsters besides Links! You have a freaking Super Poly in yours and a monster that can bounce Spell/Traps when it is summoned! I think you have the easily way out between three of you. Speaking of which, thank you Vrains for finally acknowledging the Disaster Trio. Now when are we going to see the three of them duel against someone together?

Getting to the meat of the episode, BS and GG vs Roboppy. Got to say, I love Roboppy’s archetype and how it works. It is nothing to crazy but I like the simplicity of it. Nothing really stood out in the duel to me besides that but it looks like the half siblings could be turning this duel around next week but we still don’t know what Roboppy’s Skill is. They said they weren’t going to be using it but if they are able to drive them into a corner, they might have to break that role they set for themselves to be able to turn the duel around and win. And after seeing BS and GG’s duel percentages on paper, I’m even less confident then before that they are going to be able to win. Now we saw in this episode that Genome and Baira lost to the real Ai and just got disintegrated basically. I don’t know if that means they were turned data or they were forced to be logged out but I guess we will find out that answer next week.

Since Soulburner and Revolver aren’t speaking in 107, unless the cast list lied again, it doesn’t look like they are going to be freed from their current situation in this episode. So it looks like we could just be getting the conclusion to this tag duel and then jumping right into Ai vs Go and oh my god Go is going to get murdered. The preview out right states that Ai is still a little bit pissed about what happened to Earth and Go is about to go through hell once more. I do wonder how they are going to try and redeem the guy finally in this duel. From what we got from the 108′s summary, it seems they are going to try and go back to the orphanage route for him and hopefully it doesn’t feel bullsh*tted and after that I think we might be getting Revolver vs Ai since the title for 109 “The One Who Hunts The Ignises” has to be referring to Revolver. Honestly, I don’t see that ending very well either but hopefully we can get some more good Ai roasts out of it.

#vrains #vrains spoilers #Thoughts #theories

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phdna · 6 years ago

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*arriving a month late with Starbucks and an uninteresting Endgame review*

This took me forever to write because work has been very intense lately, but I have thoughts I want to write down, for my own future reference when I’m an old woman looking back on my life, if for nothing else.

SPOILERS AHEAD, of course!

From whatever little I’ve been online since Endgame came out, it seems like the internet has been on fire swearing undying love, eternal hate and everything in between. I’m used to that because the MCU fandom has a tendency to be like that, but it feels like this time is more intense, which puzzled me a little bit, as it mostly adheres to the Marvel rules of storytelling, and people tend to not fuss over movies that do that as much as they do over movies that break the established MCU patterns. And then I did some reading and watching and talking and it just hit me that people aren’t reacting to Endgame itself, they’re reacting to the MCU. Both people who think it’s the best movie ever and people who think it’s absolute trash aren’t talking a lot about the movie, they’re talking about how the movie handled the end of this long journey that was the MCU. (Exception: time travel. I’ll get back to it in a moment!) I know I’m having a Captain Obvious moment here, but bear with me for a moment, I’m going somewhere with this.

Here’s the thing: as long as there are more movies coming, we can all overlook things we dislike about the MCU really well – “they’ll just fix it later,” right? Or we can fix it ourselves, even if we don’t write/read fics – the endless theories about what the next movies are gonna be about are in large part wish-fulfillment. Maybe next time Marvel will have more representation of all kinds, maybe next time Marvel will develop their female characters as much as their male counterparts, maybe next time Marvel will focus on this particular relationship that is either underdeveloped or so developed that it should get more attention, maybe next time Marvel will direct a character arc towards where I think it should go. But when the end arrives, we have to face that we aren’t in charge of the MCU and have sometimes wildly different expectations that what the Powers That Be have in mind. We have been emotionally invested in this universe for a long time – we bring the MCU with us in our lives even away from screens – and it sucks a little to realize that, ultimately, we are powerless to impact it. If Endgame was 100% everything you’ve always wanted for every single character and for the universe as whole, great! You’re still gonna mourn the end a little bit, but it’s cool! But if you feel like even one character of the dozens in the cast got the short end of the stick, you’re gonna be upset because don’t we all wish we could sit down with Marvel and teach them Why They Are Wrong About This Character?

I hope I’m not sounding holier-than-thou, like I’m being absolutely cool and adult about the whole thing. Hell no. I’d fight Kevin Feige in a parking lot any time, and have been ready to do that since huh… the MCU started. (Especially because the MCU has taken over the comics and I like 616 more than I like the MCU, so I’ve got beef with Marvel for that.)

So yeah, I have plenty of “What? No! Whose idea was that, that’s terrible!” moments, but I always try to focus on what I enjoyed more than on what I hated. Sometimes it doesn’t work and I get forever bitter, but most of the time, I make an active effort to 1) be grateful that WE EVEN HAVE GOOD SUPERHERO MOVIES AT ALL and 2) watch the movies I’m actually watching instead of watching the movies I think I should watch. For instance, I want to set myself on fire whenever I think about how un-family-like the Avengers are in the MCU, but since being a family isn’t a story the MCU is trying to tell, I consciously try to find something I enjoy about the constant conflicts, such as what they tell us about what each character believes, and how they keep coming back together to do the right thing despite their differences.

Arguably, that’s too much effort, and I get why some people want to be entertained and get upset if the MCU doesn’t deliver that entertainment – I mean, movies are supposed to be fun. But since I was a kid, I’ve always been a fan of imperfect things I have no control over, and I muddle through what I don’t enjoy to get to the shiny bits that give me goosebumps and keep me up at night feeling giddy over how good something was. It’s part of how I react to stuff I like by now. I don’t know, maybe it’s my History degree talking, but I don’t see what the big deal is with saying “Some of it sucks, some of it is brilliant, some of it has to be challenged on the ground of human rights, but overall I’m interested in learning more about it.”

Why the essay on how to engage with the MCU?

Because no matter how I think about it, my primary opinion about Endgame isn’t “I think it’s good” or “I think it’s bad” but just “I’m thankful.” That’s it. I can’t look at Endgame and see it as an isolated movie. I look at it and think “God, I was just out of school when Tony said I am Iron Man and now I’m a teacher and the MCU has always been there helping me keep track of the passage of time all these years.” Here, have a bad analogy: Endgame is when you finish a long travel and there’s nothing home to eat and you have to unpack and you’re exhausted and normal life is depressing and you have a headache and you’re frustrated that holidays are over and you didn’t do everything you wanted…. but that doesn’t make the entire travel a waste of time, does it? It’s actually the opposite. If the travel sucks, getting home is great. And very, very, very few people walk out of Endgame saying “Thank god this MCU saga is over, ugh, I was following it just out of obligation and I’m glad I’m free now” – I mean, there are people like that, and I can see why, but I also never finish things just out of obligation so I can’t relate. Anyway, mostly, people either expected more because the MCU is good enough to do better or thought this was the perfect ending. I’m both. Some things I loved, some things I really wish would be different, but mostly, I’m, like I said, grateful that the journey was so good that no ending would’ve fully satisfied me.

My biggest problem is with time travel. I’ve never liked the trope (not huge on alternate universes, either!), so I knew this would be a pet peeve even before I watched Endgame. I’m also surprised that apparently nobody involved in the movie can agree on how aforementioned time travel works. Fans certainly can’t. And I don’t think it’s a good thing if your audience is confused by a major part of your movie, even if there is a perfectly good explanation and the audience just didn’t get it. (Which isn’t the case, as apparently there isn’t a perfect explanation.) But you know what? I’m hand-waving it. It’s a convoluted plot device but it made a good movie, so like, whatever. Let it work in ABC way unless XYZ needs to happen, in which case, XYZ is how it’s always worked regardless of how ABC was used before. I don’t care. I’m taking what they say happened and saying “Okay, that’s how it happened” and ignoring the hows and the whys. It’s just bad comic book logic on the big screen, I’ve been rolling with this kind of thing since I was a literal child. Having said that, I don’t know what year it is in the MCU, I don’t know how Spider-Man will work, I’m not touching Cap’s time paradox with a ten-foot pole, and I’m not even gonna try to understand any of the timeline charts going around online.

My other major problems have to do with real life more than with the movie. The only original female Avenger dies in the same way the only original female Guardian of the Galaxy died, and neither of them get funerals but we do get the men in their lives suffering over it (which switches the focus from mourning the women to the men’s journeys.) Not sure if the joke was that Thor was clinically depressed or if the joke was that Thor was fat, but haha hilarious. The first openly queer character is omg a nameless cameo talking about someone we never see, isn’t the MCU so progressive? (The bar was so low that Marvel had to dig a ditch so they could somehow get lower than that.) Not loving the idea of “Thanos treated Gamora like shit but the Soul Stone recognizes he loved her” and “Tony’s dad was awful but Tony can Forgive Him” being presented as touching – it’s creepy af and makes me wonder if the MCU will end up saying Alexander Pierce actually cared about Bucky somewhat or something of that sort. Female hero team up: unironically loved it and want it projected on my tombstone (it was one of my favorite part), but it’s a little disturbing that almost none of them had much of a storyline in the movie because they don’t have much of a storyline in the MCU – it really highlights that Marvel has a boy’s club problem still. Now, none of these things make for a bad movie, it just reminds me that Marvel has a long way to go with they want to become inclusive.

Okay, now on to storylines…

Tony. Loved it. I love how the Russos direct Tony (I do have a problem with how M&M write Tony, sometimes, though, and always have) because they love to highlight how soft Tony’s heart is. Part of what makes the character interesting in any universe is that he’s willing to do morally shady stuff when he thinks he’s justified and he tends to think he’s justified because he knows exactly how smart he is, but if you explore this borderline antihero behavior without a deep commitment to reminding the audience that Tony is emotional and gentle, you end up with Reed Richards. 616!Tony will always be sweeter than MCU!Tony (even though 616!Tony’s dad literally tried to beat emotions out of him, while MCU!Tony’s dad more ignored him than actively tried to make him colder, but that’s besides the point) but Tony was so openly loving in this movie, and it helps make his death hit home, why so many people will miss Iron Man and Tony I pity Morgan a lot because she won’t remember her dad, but the only way to feel like the torch has truly been passed to other heroes was to kill Tony – keep him alive in any way and characters are gonna want his advice even if he stops fighting. I want to see how other heroes will protect a world without Iron Man. It’s exciting and brand new and feels a bit like when Fury said in 2008 that Tony isn’t the only superhero.

Steve. Let’s take the time paradox at face value and say everything goes well in every possible timeline and nobody suffers more than they would if he hadn’t done his time-heist thing, because I think that’s what the movie wanted to imply. I’m actually happy he got to be with Peggy. It’s not how I’d write him, mind you, but I always knew MCU Steve was being written as someone who is inherently out of place in the modern world. In the comics, Steve has a culture shock and he mourns people, but he finds a new family in the Avengers and truly becomes part of this century. MCU Steve was never that guy. And that’s okay, it’s a valid take! Not what I’d do, but given his storyline throughout the other movies, I think it’s a very satisfying ending that feels very organic. Saying “screw everything, I’ll do what I think it’s important” has been Steve’s constant in all movies, and it’s nice that he learned that he is important too, not just everybody else. Handing the shield was also very important – no “I think he’d want you to have it” to fuel conspiracy theories in the future: Steve made a good decision and that’s fine. (And I’ll cut a bitch if y’all keep saying “maybe Bucky had the shield before” because Sam can be a first choice fgs!!!)

Professor Hulk is a thing and I liked it more than I thought I would. Hopefully we’ll see more of him. I liked Bruce and I liked the Hulk, but somehow this version of him made me go from “Yeah, they’re nice” to “PLEASE TELL ME HE’LL HAVE A SOLO MOVIE” so good job in redeeming the Hulk franchise, Marvel! It only took you 10 years to get the right tone, but hey, what matters is that you did it!

Thor…….. Um. Hard. I liked his character arc but hated how it was handled. I’m not even a huge fan of Ragnarok because comedy isn’t my thing, but watching Ragnarok, I could see why the movie worked and the humor didn’t come at the expense of being fair to the character. Endgame felt more like the movie itself was bullying him. They’re laughing at his pain, basically, and it’s just not funny. It bothers me for the same reason it bothers me when people say pre-serum Steve should never leave home – just… no. But then, we got Thor and Frigga and I’d sell a kidney for more Frigga, so, it wasn’t completely awful. Just like, 90%?

Natasha!!! I hope everybody who said Scarjo can’t act paid attention to this movie, because she gave Nat a depth that we haven’t seen since CATWS, and even then, because it was Steve’s story, she was sidelined. That’s the Nat I’ve always wanted in the MCU. …and of course, she’s dead. Luckily, we don’t know anything about MCU!Nat, so we can still get prequels even if they don’t want to bring her back to life. It’s a little shady that she dies (why is it that the randomly decided death always seem to be randomly assigned to whatever the minority in a team is, huh?) but I love that she sacrificed herself for the greater good. It’s a heroic end to a woman who thought she was gonna be a villain her entire life. Oh, oh, oh, I have to say this: Natasha leading the remaining Avengers? Godtier. I’m not much of a fic person but I desperately want fics of that off-screen period where she’s being a boss.

Clint. MCU!Clint never did much for me, so I was impressed that I was rooting so much for him during the movie. I don’t know if he’ll just retire completely, but I’m hoping he doesn’t so we can see more of him in the MCU.

Okay, that’s the original Avengers and I’ve already written……. Too much. So I’ll stop – sort of – here.

But first, other random comments.

Fight choreography? On point, 10/10, would let Marvel beat me up to experience these sequences myself

“I am inevitable.” “I am Iron Man.” I cried so much the screen got blurry and I almost missed the snap. Thank you for this exchange.

I love and support Morgan, but I’m dreading the idea that in a near future, the MCU will get Riri’s entire story and give it to Morgan. Please, MCU, I’m counting on you, have Morgan grow up to befriend Riri, not to steal her role.

Nebula needs a solo movie. Nebula needs a whole cinematic universe, actually. What a character.

Speaking of which, GotG 3 is shaping up to be very cool

Sam being the one to say “On your left” in the movie where he becomes Captain America? Poetic cinema. Also! Sam Wilson is Captain America and both the human being who wants children to grow up in a better world and the geek who wants to see flying Cap in me are equally over the moon with joy

Bucky, my darling, the MCU hasn’t known what to make of you since 2011. It’s okay, Sebastian Stan will always do his magic and make you be Bucky even when Marvel doesn’t fully understand anything about your character

Pepper’s character development in 10 years is protagonist-worthy, I can’t believe how she always only has a couple of scenes every movie

Tom Holland should not be allowed to have crying scenes, they make my heart hurt

The movie feels a lot shorter than it is

There’s a lot more I could say, but I’m writing it on Word (tumblr sometimes eat my text posts as I’m writing them) and the wordcount is nearing 3k, so I better shut up. If you’ve read all of this, please treat yourself to a milkshake, you’re awesome. If there’s anything you want to talk about that I didn’t address (or just… you know, about Marvel in general), my ask and my direct messages are always open. I’ll probably take forever to get back to you (I NEED A VACATION ASAP) but I will eventually answer you and I don’t bite, so please go ahead if you’re curious about my not-so-very-interesting thoughts :)

TL;DR: Endgame isn’t my favorite movie (IM, IM3, CATFA, CATWS and BP all come first, sorry) but it’s up there in the “I can watch this movie a thousand times and I won’t get tired of it” list, and I think it does a fairly good job in ending the Infinity Saga, so I’m basically pleased!

#avengers endgame spoilers

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csykora · 6 years ago

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Hi!! Your post about changing how you approach fitness not as an “to achieve xyz I need to do this” and more of an “to achieve this, I should like doing xyz..” like that seems so simple and yet I’ve never really critically thought of it b4. But I was wondering if you had any tips for when it’s the challenge of doing it again and again, like, I have ADD and I always lose my drive both when it comes to healthy eating/working out.. it’s super frustrating, it’s like I forget that I want/like it...

This is one of the questions that’s made me happiest. I’ve also lingered over it, because I get to tell you...I’m an ADD adult too.

It takes me exactly as long to answer a one-line text as it does to write one of my weird 5,000 word APA-cited tumblr essays. (And now you’ve experienced how long that is.) Five years ago I couldn’t run, I never swam because I was scared of my own body, and I couldn’t finish a writing project to save my life—very, very literally. I never finished high school.

Getting into athletics was about figuring out how the hell I could get my brain and my body to do what I wanted for once. Your brain and your body are going to be a little differently than mine, but there are a couple things I think you can use to build a working relationship with them.

You’ve pointed out the biggest thing here:

“It’s like I forget that I want it.”

I get a lot of messages from people saying, “I want to work out To Be Healthy but I’ve been having trouble sticking to it, what should I do? PS I hate sweating and the outdoors and also indoor gyms and afterwards my muscles hate me.”

And I end up telling those people to ask themselves whether they want to work out at all. Because they’ve just told me they don’t. I’m a big believer that doing stuff you hate is never gonna be ‘healthy’ for you.

You want to work out! But what’s probably happening is that the different bits of you are having a hard time coming together in the moment to get it done.

That is not a problem with the way you are. It means that the way you’re trying to work out isn’t working for you as you are. So I want you to try two things. One is routine, and the other is relearning how to negotiate with yourself.

Think about an arbor.

The arbor is important, because without it the grapes would struggle to support themselves and waste energy they could use to grow. But the arbor isn’t precious. And the more tightly you lay the boards, the less room the actual damn grapes will have to grow.

Routine for rigid routine’s sake isn’t precious. It’s there to support you.

We tend to do best when we have a simple, clear schedule with enough space inside to run just a little bit wild.

When we have absolutely nothing planned, the weight of every decision falls on us and it’s very hard for us to get anything done.

When we tell ourselves, “Gosh darn it, self, we’re going to get to the gym at 5:30 exactly, and we will do 35 pushups and then switch to the bike, exactly like we did last time” ...we don’t get anything done, either.

You want to focus on a couple core supportive structures:

Wake up at a regular time

This is helps you build any other routine. It cues all the rest of your daily routines, and lets your body settle into a comfortable circadian rhythm. You’ll get better quality sleep and feel like you have energy at the same time every day.

Eat or drink something at the same point in your day

This helps manage your energy throughout the day, and consistently between days. If you have a big lunch at noon one day, and don’t eat until 2PM the next day, you’ll feel really differently about the prospect of going for a run at 2:30 each day.

That said, hunger is very mental. There are a lot of days when I can’t eat at my usual time, so I drink a hot cup of tea or chew gum just to tell my brain, “yeah, we did the meal thing, we’re on track.”

On workout days, exercise somehow at about the same time for about the same amount of time.

I go out for half an hour of aerobic exercise in the morning, again at 4 PM for two hours, and again for half an hour at night.

If you asked me to do something at 2PM, I would tell you no, my scars hurt and I do not fuckin want to right now. And they still hurt at 4PM, but...it is 4PM. Whatever argument my body or brain makes, I can say, “Yeah, I know dudes. But you know, it is 4PM.” And they buy it.

And that’s where the second part comes in: use the space inside your routine to run a little wild. Be clear about the parts of the routine that help you, but also be willing to negotiate with yourself so that you have fun.

When I say I do “something at about 4 PM,” I mean that. Usually I run, sometimes I climb a mountain; in the summer sometimes I swim, in the winter sometimes I skate. I usually do not know where I’m going or what I’m going to do until I’m in the middle of doing it.

Most days I say, “Okay dudes, it’s almost 4PM, we need to do something.” Then my body says my legs hurt and my brain says it’s very busy with writing and also Wikipedia and also editing Braden Holtby’s face onto stills from The Princess Diaries. Neither of them want to go for a run.

I had to teach myself how to answer back with, “Okay, fair, it’s pretty hot and running is gross. What if we swim instead?”

and “Okay, but didn’t you want to listen to that new podcast episode? Well great, we can listen to it while we run.”

We have to re-teach ourself that, because most of our lives teach us not to. They tell us, “do the thing, this way, now. If you can’t do it this way, you’re Bad.”

And they are wrong.

We have to go back and tell ourselves that there are other ways to do it, and they’re fine. The way that works for us might not be Proper or exactly what we planned, but it gets the thing done, so we can fucking well do it that way.

And if we can’t immediately see any ways to do it at all, we can sit patiently with ourselves, ask questions and honor our own responses and find points of compromise.

It’s easy to think we have to do everything or we can’t do anything.You’re lying in bed telling yourself, “We have to go for a 3 hour run!” And part of you thinks back, “But that’s so much! I can’t do that! Let’s just lie here.”

Learn to say, “Okay, we don’t have to run. How about a walk around the block?” And once you’ve done that ask yourself, “We did that pretty well, how about another block?”

Honor your response. If it’s still, “Nope! I did the thing, now I’m done,” that means you can accept that, compliment yourself, and be done for today. If it’s, “maybe I could,” then promise yourself you’ll try it, then try it, and then compliment yourself. Even if it turns out you couldn’t do the block, you did what you promised yourself you would: try.

Teach yourself that you are worth trusting. Prove you’re a person you can make a deal with. And that deal will really mean something, but it also isn’t scary.

I would never get mad or blame a client because he couldn’t complete the exercises I assigned. I would say, “Hey, we need to check in. I thought this was about right for you, but it seems like I missed something. What’s your perspective, how do you think this is working?”

Or I might say, “Hey. I’ll be honest, I don’t think you gave me your best there. We had a deal, man. What’s up, is there something I missed that you couldn’t come through?” and then listen, and then say, “Okay. We can do that different, but we’re going to try again.”

I also talk to myself like that.

Let’s talk about how I finished writing this today. I got up at my usual time, I made hot coffee because I had iced coffee yesterday. I lay in the sunlight and took notes until my scars started to ache in the heat and something squirrelly deep down in my brain was chewing up all my thoughts. I left everything lying out and ran down to the river to paddle around in my underwear for an hour and then ran back.

Now I’m lying here again with my feet up to rest my scars, flicking back and forth between blasting Brandi Carlisle and a new podcast while I eat a homemade popsicle and write to you.

Did it look great? No. For one thing, frankly, I should get a swimsuit this year.

But you know what? I did the thing. Two hours of exercise, a finished essay, and I had fun.

I know you can do that too, in your own way, if you want to. I hope you have the loveliest fuckin time doing it, since you seem pretty lovely, and if you like write back some time and let us know how it’s going.

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prudencepaccard · 6 years ago

Text

truly bizarre interaction that was like the intellectual equivalent of that thing at the karaoke bar

where this one guy who was part of a friend group I ended up hanging out with at a bar became progressively more deadpan hostile and competitive with me to the point that I finally returned his (explicit) challenges with a lighthearted plea for solidarity and then he claimed there was no competition but he’d LITERALLY SAID THERE WAS

it started with him asking me what my diss was on. I said “the imaginary of the bagnes metropolitains in the nineteenth century” and then used some synonyms in case he didn’t know what I meant because that happens sometimes, people only know one term so I was like “i.e., the bagnes metropolitains and the bagnes portuaires“ and he still seemed not to get it so I was like “travaux forces [hard labor]” and he was like “in what era?” and I repeated “the nineteenth century” and he seemed confused so I thought I’d address the most common source of confusion and said “not Guyana, not the colonies d’outre-mer, the bagnes metropolitains” and he was like “you mean Cayenne?” and I was like “not, precisely not that, the thing that preceded that” and he was like “Ah but that’s not travaux forces, that’s the bagne”

and I was like first of all, what, second of all I said “the bagne” first thing already but seriously what

and he was like “it’s not the same thing, travaux forces is anachronistic, we still have that today”

and I was like “but that was also a specific term used back then, a contemporary descriptive term. Along with the peine des fers. It’s in the code penal and it was used popularly. LIke you’re right that it’s not as specific as bagne but it’s not incorrect to use it interchangeably, they’re part of the same repertoire. Also I said bagne already”

and he’s like “well I didn’t hear you, sorry. And this isn’t an insult or anythiing but I’m just saying it’s wrong, French is very nuanced”

and I’m like “yes but it’s actually a very specific and correct term in this particular context. I get that there could be ambiguity potentially but since I’ve already estavlished that I’m talking about the bagne then travaux forces is a precise and apt term”

and he’s like “prisoners and bagnards aren’t the same thign”

and I’m like “yes but the word travaux forces can describe both. There’s overlap in some of the vocabulary and that’s one of the words in the middle of the Venn diagram. I get what you’re trying to say but you’re going too far”

“no, I don’t agree, you can’t use that term, it’s wrong”

“listen let me find an analogous example in English...so like, we use the term hard labor to describe actual practices today, right? but it’s still correct to say Oscar Wilde was sentenced to hard labor in the Victorian era”

“well how about the word slavery? would you use that interchangeably with travaux forces?”

“no, because it’s not juridique”

“aha see they’re three different things!”

“no they’re not that’s my point, there are two categories, travaux forces and the bagne have things in common with each other whereas slavery is in its own category”

“but they used the word slavery back then for the bagne too! [implying, I guess, that if it’s incorrect to say slavery for the bagne it’s incorrect to say travaux forces too]”

“only ona metaphorical level, the bagne was never characterized as slavery in legal documents etc. Travaux forces is a technical term”

“hey sorry I need a smoke” and then he just ended it there

and then later he asked me how many languages I knew. I’d already complimented him on his English and been genuinely impressed that he knows/dabbles in four languages which is more than I study seriously

but he was still just...like this. I told him I was only fluent in French and English but that I’d studied Russian in college and Mandarin as a middle schooler. I was very clear I suck at Russian and have forgotten all my Mandarin. Nonetheless later he made a reference to me speaking four languages and I said I didn’t and he kind of rolled his eyes and shrugged

and eventually he just...started quizzing me on words. Like do I know what this means, do I know what this means, it was super weird and confrontaitonal. And if you know me you know I have a SERIOUS complex about Getting Credit For PRecisely What I Know No More No Less. You also know that I am quite intellectually generous and will never be the first to start a competition but I also don’t like to lose so if I’m challenged I’ll be extremely petty and not my best self. While meanwhile trying to remain as collegial and kind and generous as possible under the circumstances. it’s weird like that

so there was this mix of me desperate to prove I knew a word when I did and ALSO being super chill and genuinely not insecure if I didn’t because I’m Happy to Learn. And BOTH these reactions seemed to spur him on. I think if anything the latter annoyed him more...like punching a too-yielding surface

That second act, btw, seems to have started when he said something slangy to his friend and then said “I ebt you don’t know what that means” and I said “yes I do!” (but like in a cheerful relaxed way because I didn’t know how weird this was going to get) and it turns out that I’d misheard what they’d said, like it was a good guess. But also he misunderstood what I’d misheard and said no I actually said XYZ which as another thing I didn’t hear him say at all (let alone mishear) and which had I heard it I actually WOULD have known what it meant becuase unlike the expression I’d (actually) misheard I knew what it meant. It was “entraver que dalle” which means “understand nothing” and it’s an expression I know from the title song of the movie “Rififi” (which I love so much I bought a lead sheet of it from the 1950s off French eBay and brought it to Marie’s Crisis. Unfortunately the key’s a bit high for me though). It goes “Vous avez l’air d’entraver qu’dalle, a mon histoire quand je vous parle, du rififi...” etc. Ironically about explaining slang. Anyway I like that phrase because it’s delightfully old slang but I’d never heard it said IRL for precisely that reason. So obviously I was kinda eager to show that I knew the expression and how etc. But he was just not returning the ball at all. Like I tried to do some wordplay like “I’ve always wondered wtf the origin of that expression is, it’s so weird, like [*”translates” it laterally in French by substituting synonyms for “entraver” and “dalle”--”enchainer que pave”] it’s a strange combination of words” and he shurgged and was like “yeah but it doesn’t work like that. It’s idiosyncratic. Like “bagne”

BRO

but fellas hands down the worst part was when I was right about someting and he made me doubt myself/concede part of the point because I didn’t want to be both wrong and arrogant (you know how much I hate that). So anything I was less than 100-percent-sure-I-can-cite-sources (i.e., anything intuitive or inferential or built on a foundation of knowledge that yielded a conclusion greater than the sum of its parts) was forfeited and UGH

like at one point he used the word “decortiquer” and asked me “do you know what THAT means” and yes I absolutely do, it’s not even slang/langage courant

and he was like “WHAT”

and I was like “explain, analyze”

and he was like “no”

and I was...confused ebcause...what do you mean “no”? So I thought hm maybe I’m missing some nuance and somehow that made me totally wrong? so I continued like “well like--reduce to its elements--”

and he’s like “omg guys look I can’t even define it in French and she’s doing it in a non-native language fuck”

and it’s liek WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM I DIDN”T WANT TO EVEN PLAY THIS GAME YOU STARTED IT

like who challenges someone to a contest and then pouts because they other person won

(not that you can “win” a conversation!!! irjfiejrdfi FUCK THIS)

and possibly-showing-off-but-also-trying-to-overcompensate-because-I-don’t-know-what-he’s-doing-here I continued like “it’s from Latin ‘cortex’ which means bark [ecorce in French] so when you decortiquer something you’re stripping off the bark and exposing the heart of the tree/matter”

and he just flatly goes “no I don’t think that’s the derivation”

and I’m like “maybe not, I might be saying nonsense”

“that’s not the derivation”

“what is it? if you know, I’m curious about what the etymology really is”

“I don’t know but it’s definitely not that”

(I’m home now. googled it. and

welp.jpg)

then it just kept getting worse like he used the word “branlee” to describe what I was doing to him and then asked me if I knew what it meat and I neede dmore info so I was like “yes--wait” and he was leike “DO YOU OR DON’T KNOW” and I was like “well is it like ‘se branler’ or ‘ebranler’? same root?” and he was like “NO” and in hindsight it definitely is but whatever I DON’T MIND BEING WRONG OR LEARNING THINGS

and after he gave me a definition which made it clear he felt we were in competiton and he was losing--plus some EXTREMELY passive-aggressive “it’s a really common expression, it’s frankly surprising you don’t know it, blah blah” which I responded to with a cheerful “yeah I have a lot of lacunae then that! thanks for helping me!” and he with “yeah it’s really weird you didn’t know that” and me with “I know lol” and him with “I’m glad I could help you learn some French at least”--I finally was like “this branlee thing though, that’s really not what I’m doing! can we be solidaire instead?” (but like as nonconfrontationally as possible) and he was like “oh it’s not a competiton I’m just saying French people are like that”

well either way KNOCK IT OFF

#don't use the word #please

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ocpdiddy · 7 years ago

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I just saw this thing that said "good parents don't raise children with personality disorders" and hhnnngggg that thought is just burning through my mind bc I can't... see my parents... as bad parents

And this is definitely a Me thing (that has been brought up in therapy lol I'm aware this subject is a Thing for me that I haven't really processed)... but... is it possible that my parents can be good parents and just... inadvertently raised me in a way such that I developed a personality disorder??

<< so I'm just gonna dump thoughts here that amount to "my parents did [xyz] 'abusive' things but I don't feel like they were 'abusive' parents" so maybe skip it if that's not something you wanna read >>

---------------------------

I say this ("my parents were good parents") while at the same time saying "my dad did all these fucked up things that are sort of exactly like emotional abuse (but he didn't MEAN to do that, he didn't realize what he was doing, he has his own issues and he really didn't know how to parent but he wasn't being Bad On Purpose...)" and "my mom was unavoidably aware of my serious self-destructive disordered behaviors and knew something was seriously wrong with me but never tried to get me help and actively ignored it (but she just didn't know how to deal with that, she was uncomfortable with the whole thing and didn't know what to do about it so she did nothing, she didn't really KNOW it was being negligent, it's not because she didn't CARE about me...)"

Idk, how do I rectify "my parents did these shitty things that technically amount to bad parenting in ways that likely seriously fucked me up" with "my parents aren't bad parents they just didn't know better"? They were trying their best, and yeah it turns out that their best sucked, but it wasn't... on purpose!!

And I know this is like... A Response that kids who had abusive parents/families will have lmfao but I can't help feeling like this is Different, I'm not just saying these things because my abusive parents have manipulated me into thinking/believing these things...

My parents have never* tried to justify their behaviors or... convince me that their behaviors were "right" or "okay"... This is a conclusion I feel like I came to myself, as an adult grappling with this issue. I can see how much my parents cared and I can see why they did the things they did and I can see how they're just... fallible people. They didn't really know* that what they were doing was Wrong, exactly, or that it could be at all "abusive"... So I mean idk, does that still make them "bad" parents?

(* I realize as I say this that it's not strictly true, my dad was pretty defensive and tried to rationalize his behaviors... And I think deep down he knew that what he was doing wasn't the right way to do things... But he had so much of his own stuff going on that he was kind of drowning in not knowing what to actually do instead......)

((okay I AM making excuses for him now, sure, I can see that... But it still feels like... That's not coming from *him* bc I never believed any of his bullshit when he was being a dick, these are conclusions I came to on my own, as an adult, once I could really see how troubled he actually was/is as an individual... So it's not REALLY an "Abuse Response"..........))

------------------------

Idk I guess what this is boiling down to is: can my parents have been bad at parenting without being "bad parents"? Can my parents have [inadvertently] engaged in abusive behaviors without being "abusive"?

Can my parents have caused me to develop a serious personality disorder and be "good parents" at the same time?

Lmfao let's let my OCPD rip me to shreds trying to figure that one out 😌

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mychemicalrant · 6 years ago

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Getting it on Both Ends

There’s kind of a weird emotional set of walls that someone with aspergers has to walk between. On the one hand, we are visibly set apart from everyone else through our appearance, behavior, interests, etc. On the other hand, we’re not visible enough, so we get accused of all manner of ill intent. This plays out in the following ways:

Wow, you’re autistic.

So I recently went on an interstate trip that, while challenging in many respects (lots of socializing with strangers, changing sleeping environments), went surprisingly well. My dad and I then met up with some old family friends of his, people who had known me since before I was born. They have a stunning, beautiful, amazing, accomplished, incredibly gifted and experienced 19 year old neurotypical daughter who they couldn’t be more proud of. Like, this kid was a superstar in high school and in their little community with friends, boyfriends, admirers from all over. Now she’s working with children and going to college for a degree in Awesome Incredible Career. I...am a 30+ year old job-challenged newly diagnosed autistic with few friends, no car, and have just moved back in with my parent. Suffice it to say my self esteem was a little low. I’ll admit, by this part in the trip I was incredibly weary of traveling and socializing. We had taken this very cross-country trip 15 years ago to see these same people and I remember having a panic attack the whole week from being so far from home, but that’s another story. My point is, I was visibly off. I went outside to spend time by myself, I stimmed like crazy, I drank ungodly amounts of beer, I ate a ton (because eating is readily available and encouraged in that part of the country), and I hyperfocused on a few of my travel interests. I’m a huge fan of collecting things and I like to collect certain things while I’m on the road, so I ended up dragging everyone along to search for these items.

Things were going pretty well, I guess, but in the back of my mind I was stressing. Was I coming off too weird? Too excited? Too distant? Too uncomfortable? I didn’t want to embarrass anyone but I knew I was slipping into the end of my rope. I had just spent one and a half weeks in hotels/stranger’s houses meeting an endless stream of new people in a strange area I wasn’t familiar with. And, like it or not, I’m autistic and always have been even if I didn’t always know it. But there’s something poignant about growing older and still seeing yourself acting outside of your age-appropriate behavioral expectations in front of people much, much younger than you who are absolutely nailing maturity. After all my worrying and insecurity about this...I overheard a conversation I probably wasn’t supposed to hear. The daughter was talking to her dad who has, again, known my parents since before I was born and visited frequently when I was a child. He knew my mom before she died. And he said “...ever since [my mom] died mychemicalrant’s been....weird.” And his daughter said, “Oh, I thought mychemicalrant was nice!” It was a very humbling moment, I guess. I am really nothing at all like my mom, which I think is part of this observation, but the fact of it is that I have had my weirdness blamed on my mom’s death since I was ten. And that never feels good. Because I know I’m really being blamed for autism, and that is something that I can’t help. Getting over tragedy is something that society expects you to do and also provides a context for my inappropriate level of development, but...that’s not what it is. So, ouch.

You can’t be autistic, that’s bullshit!

Anyway. So I’m licking this wound slowly on the drive home. My dad doesn’t say anything to me about my “behavior” (like he would have had to do when I was growing up) so I figure the moment has passed and he’s unaware of the whole thing. See, my biggest fear is my dad getting blamed for my behavior. Like, my parents were always critical of me to a point, but my dad is an Enneagram 9 and he lets things be what they are for the most part. But being a single parent and having a “troubled’ child attracts unwanted attention, and I’m scared to death that my autistic presence will cause some of the legal ruckus it caused when I was a kid. That’s...well, that’s another entire story, and maybe entirely TMI for tumblr. Back to the present: I get home and call my friend to tell her of this experience and how it made me feel. She was sympathetic about it, which encouraged me to share some really good news from my vacation:

I made a new friend who is really fascinated in me (cool) and this person friended me on FB. In doing so, she found my months old Autism Diagnosis Coming Out post and commented on it, which bumped it up to everyone else’s timeline. I had thought everyone had seen it and chosen not to say anything, but suddenly I was getting a stream of supportive and loving messages from old friends, including a friend of mine who is pursuing their own diagnosis right now. !! I was very excited about this, and mentioned it to my friend on the phone, who knows this person. And suddenly all of the polite, restrained, “You’re undergoing a spiritual journey right now that means you will overcome your autism when you’ve learned XYZ spiritual lessons” in regards to MY diagnosis became “There is no way they’re autistic, they’re a fucking spoiled only child who got everything they wanted from their mom because they threw a tantrum if they didn’t, they are autistic like I’M autistic, please!” Me: This friend got along with their mom as well as you get along with yours?? My friend: Yeah, exactly, [Friend] is exactly like me! A spoiled only child who didn’t learn social skills because their parent didn’t teach them! Me: ...You know I’m an only child too, right? My friend: Oh, but your situation is TOTALLY different, I mean, blah blah blah...

Yikes. This conversation has stuck with me. First of all, I’m really proud of my other friend for seeking a diagnosis. I have always known they struggle with some form of executive dysfunction and a diagnosis makes that make so much sense. I’m super proud that they are pursuing this path. Also, it does not surprise me that my friends might also be on the spectrum or otherwise neurodivergent because these are the people I was closest with. I um...don’t have the heart to tell my friend in the aforementioned conversation that I strongly suspect she may be somewhere near the spectrum, too. My point is, not everyone believes me when I tell them I have autism because they have a built in, violent, cruel, irrelevant stereotype of autism in their minds. (My friend worked with troubled children from broken homes who included kids with autism, and naturally these kids looked/acted nothing like me.) But it was the vitriol with which she body slammed our mutual friend while pretending to begrudgingly accept my diagnosis that took me aback. It made me think a lot: if my friend who is seeking a diagnosis doesn’t have autism and is instead a spoiled only child who didn’t learn to socialize (this person is actually extremely empathic, generous, and creative), why does my other friend think they are pursuing a diagnosis? I didn’t have the energy to ask, but I had a few guesses. And none of them reflected well on my friend’s feelings towards me and my diagnosis. So, there you have it. On the one hand, I’m so “weird” I’ve had the cops and CPS called on my family to investigate potential abuse because my behavior indicated that something was seriously wrong at home, and growing up I was a constant source of embarrassment for my parents. On the other hand, I can’t possibly be autistic because only little boys who bite and scratch and hit their moms with broken bottles are autistic. It’s an uncomfortable place to be. I’ve had legitimately had my feelings hurt by being called out for being autistic and called out for "not really having autism” in the same week.

I think this is not unusual for those who would otherwise have fallen through the cracks, diagnostically-speaking. But, here’s where I’m at right now emotionally. I am trying to adjust to life in a new place (that part is going really well) and adjust to my new understanding of myself as autistic. This isn’t easy when I have to oscillate between shame (I really am autistic and this does have social consequences, not just for me but for those around me) and worry that I’m not “autistic enough” and I’m somehow defrauding those who are truly disabled or lying to everyone about my condition. In other words, I am still trying to define my relationship to autism. I have a lot of pain and shame to wander through first.

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dapperfvck-arc · 7 years ago

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🔥 The TV show... (Because I really want to know exactly why you don't like it [or hate it?] because i'm so freaking curious. Also I think in general a Constantine TV show would do best on AMC rather than NBC... FEEL FREE TO COMPLETELY RANT. I WANT TO KNOW. Please.)

Unpopular Opinion Time!

Oh boy. Hooooo boy. I’m still going to be relatively gentle, because honestly, I’m saving my true vitriol for the times that I must defend my choice not to RP it or for the hysterical consensus opinion from the fandom that TV show was an improvement over the film (lol nope, aside from Matt Ryan “looking the part” but that’s a whole other can of worms).

Note: Cut for length and maybe a bit of brutality in my honesty.

*sighs* Ok, I’ll first preface this with that I still have like four episodes to go. Obviously, I have massive issues in the needless changes made to the adaption of comic canon. It was unnecessary to make Chas American while retaining the fact that he’s John’s oldest and best of friends. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me, but who knows. Maybe it’s explained a little better in one of the last few episodes, but you know. My hopes aren’t high. I don’t like Chas’s virtual invulnerability, not just because it takes away the stakes of the danger he’s putting himself in, but also? It’s a plot device scarcely used? So why make that choice if it’s not going to be capitalized on with meaningful frequency? I hated that Zed was portrayed as a novice, and that the teeth were taken out from the Newcastle Incident. Now obviously, I understand why they’d have to alter a bit of it due to Network censorship, but at the same??? I mean child abuse and sexual violence are nothing new on shows like Law and Order: SVU and Criminal minds so…Idek, it kind of comes off as an excuse. It’s not a child’s show. Maybe it could be argued that it was marketed toward teenagers, but it’s not like they’re ignorant to those horrors in the world. I’m not asking them to show Astra’s rape, just to acknowledge the true horror of the situation instead of making it all about John’s failure. So yeah, I was annoyed by the occasional attempt to adapt source material and completely mucking it all up.

Now to begin with, I completely get the SP/N’s fandom bitterness more than ever. Before watching it I thought they were just trying to be like “whaaaat, another show about magic and exorcism? Of course it’s a ripoff because don’t you know our fandom invented those things?” I honestly believe the crux of the issue is that NBC clearly wanted their own SP/N as well as to cash in the popularity of comic book based media, so there’s that. To me, it comes off as a shameless cash grab. I honestly believe if I felt like there was some kind of passion from its creators, I could have dealt with some of those changes, but I don’t get that. It’s been a soulless experience overall. Like it’s not been a matter of me nitpicking like “oh this is wrong, this has been changed, boo hoo, it’s not all existential horror and fucking and drugs.”

Because frankly...I just think it’s a bad show. It’s poorly written, poorly made, poorly researched, poorly acted, it’s just bad. The main issue I have with it is that it’s a lot of telling and not showing. There’s not a lot of tension or foreshadowing, just “boom this is how it is” and so much exposition. John, for example, about half of his dialogue in any given show is verbal exposition. It’s frustrating, tbh. Like, it doesn’t make sense for me in this day and age for a TV show, even on a network channel, to be this bad. Over the past several years, television series have improved exponentially in content and writing. It’s not shameful anymore to start off on TV anymore. We’re in a very exciting time that television and cinema are almost completely on equal par of perceived quality. So yeah, it’s been an even greater disappointment for me because it’s not just that they fuck with the source material but because on top of that it’s literally a bad show. I’m not one bit surprised that it wasn’t renewed because there just...Isn’t enough to like about it. It’s not faithful enough to the comic to secure that base of fans and it’s not good enough to be taken for face value.

The other massive issue I have is the portrayal of magic, which honestly extends to DC’s handling of Hellblazer and John as well. See, what you have to understand is that predominately, throughout the Vertigo series, it’s clear to me that most of its writers either have some awareness of how magic works or at least have done their research. I can follow the logic and ritual in what he’s doing. Let me tell you a little something about magic. It's all about focus and will. You can do and say whatever the hell you want as long as you're putting your intent behind it. The ritual of spell work, use of candles, crystals, incense, chanting, incantations, etc. are meant to be the focus of a magician's energy and will on a particular result, but it could be attempted without as well. To explain it in more fantastical terms, in Harry Potter casting without a wand is considered impressive. This implies that the wizard's focus and will is so strong that they no longer need a wand to draw out their intent. Now I get it. By this understanding magic doesn't make good TV viewing (I guess...), but my main concern with this series is there's no attempt to portray an iota of witchcraft's reality along with the fantastical. Now part of this problem is that they've removed a great deal of John's innate ability. He can no longer see spirits/ghosts and there is no mention to his connection to synchronicity (as far I’ve seen, mind). Instead of happening to end up where he needs to be or what have you, he's following a map, and he uses a lot of artifacts and other implementation to get the job done. Which bothers me on a few levels. For one, it imbues the focus, not the caster with the power, which is not how magic works (at least in the sense of portraying gritty urban fantasy), and for two, it's very much against character. Let me give you an example: In the two part story Newcastle Calling, at the end of it, John hands a dying man a twig, telling him it's the finger bone of St. Cavartigan and that it's known to bring relief to those in need. He tells him to squeeze it tightly and focus on the pain going away. Near the end of the scene, the young man tells John that it's working. A couple things can be taken away from this scene: John's will was that the dying man would believe as he was told and his instructions were rote ritual. By contrast, in the series, John would probably had actually given him a Saint's fingerbone. You see the comparison takes the power of the scene away, as well as the mystery. Is the power of John's suggestion so strong that he could make the guy believe by holding that twig his pain would do away? Or was he so desperate to believe in order to not die in pain? You can interpret it either way. Hell, I could invent other interpretations, but going by what I believe would happen in the show, it can only be interpreted in the most literal sense. Now, to be honest, most television shows portray magic poorly. Even movies do a better job while keeping fantastical elements. The Craft, for all it’s 90s cheese, is a great example of this. So I suppose I could be blamed for getting my hopes up to be dashed because it’s just following the formula of 95% of all TV shows that feature a magical element or theme, but I mean...it’s not like Buffy or Charmed that was working without a script, so to speak. The TV series had a ready made blueprint and still chose to take the mumbo-jumbo bullshit route. Now, I have a lot of theories on the why for this, but that’s another post altogether and this has already gone on for way too long and I still have more to say.

Now, I guess I should, at least briefly, touch on the elephant in the room: Matt Ryan as John. What did I think? Because a lot of people have told me that he’s the shining beacon of this show, even literally admitting that yeah, it’s a poor representation of Hellblazer but that Matt Ryan man, he’s great! The problem that I have is that it’s not a good a show, and so no, I don’t like him in the role. I’m not going to compare him to Keanu because that’s not fair for a number of reasons, and maybe I’m a little biased because I adore Keanu (there’s also that can of worms I mentioned earlier, which is honestly yet another separate post lol). The way John’s written for this show, he’s positively insufferable. He’s not charming at all, which is find the most offensive, because one thing that can be said across all series and iterations of the character is that John is magnetic even despite xyz (he’s dangerous, he can be an asshole, he’s unreliable, etc.). Here he’s just a know-it-all, condescending prick. Now I do think with better writing, in a better representation of John’s character and Hellblazer in general (and maybe with a voice coach or director to discourage that Welshy intonation because yeah, his accent does irritate the shit out of me, but I’ve been very vocal about that before and honestly, at this point, I’ve come to realize that Ryan’s vowels are the least of this show’s problem), I think he has potential to be a fine John. As it stands in the media he’s portrayed John in so far (idk, maybe he was good on Arrow, but I’m talking the TV Series here and the JLD animation, which I’ve admittedly not seen, but I hated the comic so I’m not real likely to give that a chance considering my disposition toward the source material), I’m not entirely sold on him. Like if they tried another TV series for Hellblazer and didn’t cast him in the role, I wouldn’t be upset over it.

I do agree that it probably could have been better on another channel, but here’s the rub, all the blood and gore and sex and loose censorship in the world could not save that show without better writing and direction. It could have been a fine show even on network if it had been crafted with some degree of caring. Let me give you an example off the top of head, namely the handling of the Newcastle incident. It was laid out pretty plainly within a few episodes. Alterations from canon aside, it doesn’t portray the horror of it at all and is one of the show’s many missed opportunities to really play up the scarier, more mysterious elements of John’s backstory. For example, instead of laying it out in a sloppy flashback with a laughable puppet, picture this scene instead: John is having a chat with someone, maybe Zed or Chas or some b-plot character. Something reminds him of the Newcastle incident and he gets a far off look in his eyes. The folly drops away to an eerie silence as the camera comes in tight on John's expression. Filling up the silence is a little girl's scream, then the voices of his friends, perhaps some sounds of violence, an inhuman sound or voice, it all blends together to become a hellish cacophony of sound as John's expression becomes more strained. Then suddenly the other person calling his name snaps him out of his reverie. The screams stop, the folly returns, and the scene appears jarringly normal. John shakes his head, makes a joke, and they move on. Yeah, that kind of scene has been done before, but the reason for that is it’s effective without giving away the whole story. It shows that this is a man haunted by something horrible. It’s also cheap and doesn’t necessitate straining the no doubt thin budget of a TV show that has yet to prove itself worthy of having more money thrown at it.

Honestly, the issues I have with this show are innumerable and I’m just scratching the surface here and laying out my biggest problems. I could nitpick for days, and that’s the reason I’ve stayed mum about my opinions. There are people that follow me and that I write with that really like and care about the show, and I don’t want to make them feel...you know, bad about it or that they can’t talk to me or whatever. You know, if they found it enjoyable more power to them. I just didn’t and that’s maybe on me. By no means am I trying to bash the show here (because lord if I wanted to, I could), but to offer up what was requested, and that’s my undiluted opinions and feelings about the series. Of course I’m sorry that I couldn’t share the joy and that I couldn’t even like it on a similar level that I do the film (as a very solid AU, which people have tried to sell the show as to me, knowing my previous understanding of some of the changes made that deviate strongly from canon. As I said, maybe if it had been better made and written, I could, but as it stands currently, I can’t and unless real changes are made in the future, I’m unlikely to alter my opinion of it).

So yeah that’s it. Apologies that this got so very long, but as you can tell, there’s been a lot that I’ve been holding back.

#idk some bloody punter ( anon )#do you need a light too? ( asks answered )#eyyyy so I got real honest here #probably a little more than I intended #I would not click the read more if you aren't prepared for me to be very frank on my opinions #by no means do I bash it #but I'm not kind to it either #so reader be warned and all that rot #unpopular opinion

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