#so im going to be lurking here and on other accounts as much as i can be today!

[jesytr]

Lately I've been struggling with my mental health. ( I'm diagnosed with schizophrenia, PTSD, generalized anxiety and major depression ) and I've been put through a lot with my recent changes of believes. My struggle is daily and unfortunately I need better medications I think. ( I take invega sustena and we moved me on a higher dosage ) but I still feel like my schizophrenia has had flare ups ( auditorial hallucinations as well as internalized ones ) I've also been struggling with life goals. I have PTSD due to almost getting into a couple car accidents and because of this I have HUGE ANXIETY if I'm ever put behind the wheel and I've even blacked out And somehow drove back home. I was recently told that those were signs of PTSD. FINALLY UNDERSTANDING WHY I REFUSE TO DRIVE. I've been harsh on myself because of my life goals and my age. I'm turning 30 in November 25th and that's not fair. I AM DISABLED. I cannot expect myself to live like everyone else and have met goals like everyone else when I am disabled and handling life goals more slowly. With that I'm going to throw myself back into the rp community and do hobbies that I love. I'm going to surround myself with things that I enjoy doing and surround myself with supportive people and LOVE.

[arsonkoobi]

taekooker to jikooker: my personal experience.

this is merely how i felt and all the things i saw while being a hardcore taekooker for almost a year and a half. if you get offended, im sorry but the unfollow and block button is right there, i dont mind. i love taekook themselves, but i can no longer look at them in the way i used to. now they genuinely look like best friends to me. people change, and their perceptions and views on different aspects of life change. thats what happened to me.

I first joined this fandom 5 years ago in mid january 2018 through my friends. taehyung was my first ever bias, so most of the bts related yt recs i had were mostly of taehyung and ot7, and occasional ship videos among which taekook was the most prominent. me being a curious lil unsuspecting lamb, clicked on one, it also helped that my friends were taekookers as well so i dived pretty deep into the rabbit hole of taekook. im gonna be writing my thoughts and experiences on shipping taekook at different times of the year. i dont remember every single detail clearly (like this was 5 years ago) so forgive me if i sound vague at times plus this will only be a summary. without further ado, lets start, shall we?

february-march, 2018

by this time, i already watched quite a few taekook analysis videos, i also came across a few tkk_lives' videos(i think i came across her vids like much later but i just included it here) as well as other deluded channels. i fell even deeper into the rabbit hole. i thought taekook were the epitome of boyfriends silly in love, i felt like they had the best chemistry and that they were the ones whose ship actually made sense. i feel so embarrassed to admit this but one of my rather major reasons for shipping them was how good they looked tgthr🤦‍♀️(im a changed person now i promise). now i realise many tkk analysis channels tend to heavily edit things to make it look like theres something going on, overanalysing things to no end, it made me see them as if they were closer than they actually are, and as if theyre hiding something, but it was really just heavy and clever editing that forces your mind to get convinced. it was quite literally manipulative. plus back then, i was rather immature and hadnt even been in a rltnshp yet, so i blindly believed whatever they said. i believed every narrative and every theory they put out even if i knew lots of them didnt even make sense. they constantly also put out the jealous jungkook/taehyung whenever the other breathes next to another member..as i now realise, thats one of the biggest toxic traits a person can have. they were always pushing tkk as a toxic relationship without even knowing it(or just ignoring it). i also do not like jikook analysis vids where they are portrayed as the same territorial mfs who cant stand the other interacting with anyone else but himself. bc thats literally pushing their relationship as a toxic one and making them look toxic, and i would rather not do that.

march/april-september, 2018

i only watched taekook vids and funny bts moments for a long while as a baby army. i didnt watch official content very much, i ddint even know how to watch official content..i didnt know bangtantv existed yet💀 this tkk analysis watching continued for around 4 or so months after i became an army before i took an unintentional break from them(analysis vids) and i went on twitter. twitter, was so much worse(as i now realise). i didnt have an account at that time and learnt to browse on twt without one(it doesnt really let you do that anymore). at first, i found nothing weird or unusual and i enjoyed lurking on twitter, but slowly i started to see the ugly side of the community. i found multiple accounts directly or indirectly hating on jimin. i was weirded out. very weirded out. i was quite conflicted but..i only thought of it as jimin haters who were coincidentally tkkrs, maybe i refused to see tkk shippers in a bad light? probably, unfortunately i cant remember much and as i said, i was immature.

october-december, 2018

i stumbled across gcf in tokyo somewhere in october, i think it was in a fanwar on twitter and a jkkr said "at least we have this" or sumn along that line and put a link to gcft . idek how i didnt see it earlier. immediately after watching it, i felt..weird, conflicted, insecure. insecure about my ship. it seemed so romantic to me even then. but ofc i didnt let myself give up immediately, and i searched interviews + info about it, i found tkkrs saying vminkook were supposed to go tgthr and jikook only went bc they had a few days off and tae didnt. that gave me a lil bit of security and i held onto that thread of security and refused to believe or even hear out the actual fact(which i will come to later). as you can see, i was a stubborn mf. inside i knew that even if tae not having time off was the "only" reason behind jikook's japan trip, it was still unusual and suspicious to go on a trip with only your "bro" when said "bro" has told you and the world multiple times that they wanna go on a trip alone with you, when the hotel room you're staying at with your "bro" has a see-through glass wall for the bathroom and when you make a whole love confession in the guise of a travel log for your "bro" while your boyfie is waiting for you at home.

in conclusion, i was very insecure.

did i give up? no, not yet. we're getting there.

so as a masochist and out of curiosity caused by insecurity, i searched up jikook videos on yt, thinking "there's no way they could ever have more chemistry than taekook 🙄" - when i tell you i was wrong as fuck, i mean it. i was HUMBLED. the chemistry and tension between jungkook and jimin was undeniable. i felt uncomfortable watching some certain moments, felt things that i didnt feel while shipping taekook, saw things i didnt see in taekook.

i was confused plus the sinking feeling you get when you've been too loud about what you think and your opinions but then it turns out you were a stupid ass bitch.

there was a plethora of jikook vids, and i think my first jikook video was from Made in Busan, ig it was the "serendipity" analysis? back then it made lots of sense to me, but now it looks slightly overanalyzed (i still believe "serendipity" is very much connected to jikook tho). i slowly got more introduced to jikook in general. this mainly occured in like the first week of october and december as i had my boards in november.

december/january-february, 2019

so its been more or less of a year since ive become a tkkr, gcft is still in the back of my head screaming at me. and then jikook drop another bomb. that is, 2018 MMA.

this..was just, just..i cant explain it in words. jungkook had every bit of his attention directed towards jimin, they were giving each other loving glances, jimin giving jungkook a flying kiss, jungkook giving jimin a finger heart, jungkook subconsciously massaging jimins nape..it was just so domestic and coupley. i've never third wheeled so bad in my life. i felt like i was interrupting something by watching them. imagine how hyunjae next to them felt😔✊not to mention how it very much looked like jungkook was saying "남편"[ nampyeon] meaning "husband" and "형의 남친"[ hyung-ui namchin ] meaning " hyung's boyfriend" in their conversation after jimin pointed to himself and jungkook (forgive me if the spellings/romanizations are not accurate enough, im not fully fluent in korean). plus, after jungkook said it, jimin smiles and shyly looks down..LIKE??

watch from 31:00 to see for yourself. im not kidding.(p.s i love this video so much)

i was bamboozled. i was shocked. i was frustrated. i was feeling stupid. i was begging for taekook to drop something mindblowing or sumn that would regain my secuity in the ship and i found some moments during other award shows but, it didnt feel the same. to me it was really looking like taekook had boundaries and limits between each other, the limits that apply when you're good friends. but with jikook, i couldnt see how their gazes towards each other could be passed off as anything platonic, how their actions+body language could ever be seen as platonic.

so what did i do? did i give up? oh hell no im stubborn as fuck. but we're getting there.

i ignored every jikook moment and brought my focus back on taekook, i started watching analysis and moments again. in a span of a few weeks, the security around my ship had improved after pretending that i didnt feel like a stupid mf after MMA 2018. haha. it sorta worked lol. sorta.

march-may, 2019

these were my last months as a taekooker.

after all that shit, all i wanted was more taekook moments to make me feel better about myself. and i did get quite a few. however, as i said before, they looked like they had boundaries. i couldnt look at them exactly the same.

i was busy in april with my class tests, i doubt i had much time to catch up with the boys. so when the tests ended, it was most likely in the last week of april or the first few days of may.

we all know what happened in the first few days of may, don't we? in case you don't, this is what happened.

surprisingly, i clearly remember the first time i got to know about it.

it was in class, i just arrived and then one of my friends and i start talking and she goes [this convo is all translated from bengali]

"hey did you see what jungkook did at the latest concert?"

"no, i didn’t, what did he do?"

"he went and literally sucked on jimins ear!"

i was shocked once again, my eyes went wide, my heart did a backflip..all that shit. i didnt believe it at first.

"don't joke around like that, you're being absurd" i said.

"im not kidding bro, he sucked jimins ear in the rosebowl concert last week, ill send you a link too"

when i got back home, sure enough, the link was there and i saw jungkooks ear nibbling in all its glory, albeit a bit low quality. but no doubt he took that ear into his mouth and i knew it.

surely i must've given up now? no, but im this🤏 close we're almost there i promise

i went online and found lots of tkkrs denying that jungkook ever took jimin's ear into his mouth and that jimin's ear only got caught on jk's chin. but..if it got caught on jk's chin then that means his chin was behind jimin's ear, and his lips must have been at least kissing jimin's ear, given that we couldnt see them very well. the lip we could see was the upper lip, which again lead me to be believe that jungkook did indeed, suck jimin's ear.

yeah, my faith in tkk was crumbling into millions of pieces. because i couldnt see how jungkook, being in a supposed relationship with taehyung, could do that with tae's best friend. i sure as hell wouldnt let my partner get away with that, nor would i ever do that myself with someone else other than my partner. even if its to comfort them. it just goes way over platonic boundaries.

i was seriously considering shifting over to jikook by now. but before that, i searched lots of shit up abt jikook.

there i saw an interview where jimin talked about the tokyo trip with jungkook. what i believed until now was that vminkook were supposed to go tgthr but jikook were the ones with time off, and tae didnt have time off. jimin said he told taehyung and jungkook that he wants to go on a trip to Japan. he didnt say he wanted to go on a trip WITH taehyung and jungkook. yall, ive told my wishes to go to japan and turkey multiple times to my friends, does that mean im taking their asses with me? no. mind you, jimin has said he wanted to go on a trip alone with jungkook multiple times in their rookie era. on jimin's bday of 2017, jungkook tweeted a pic of him(jimin) with the caption "Its not over yet.." and shortly after, we find out jikook went on a tokyo trip by THEMSELVES with no staff, no managers and no other members. dropped off at the airport by jungkook's dad and brother and jimin's dad. jungkook paid for everything and put a hell lot of time into making the masterpiece that is gcf in tokyo WITH a bgm of a gay fucking song by a queer fucking artist and showed the fucking rainbow colored ferris wheel at the line "love is a road that goes both ways".

also

its clear who the main model of gcf is.

you can deny the trip being only for jikook, but you can not deny the symbolism and significance shown in gcf in tokyo. saying "jungkook didnt understand the song, hes not fluent in english" - is so small minded and belittling.

saying he didnt show jimin on the parts "boy, im holding onto something, wont let go of you for nothing, im running, running just to keep my hands on you" on purpose is not only straight up denial but also understimating jungkook's intelligence and artistic capabilities, saying that jungkook isnt smart enough to get the meaning behind these words. and just because hes korean. thats fucking racist if you ask me.

then i discovered the iconic osaka vlives, i was convinced. it was my last straw along with rosebowl.

alas, after around a week of denial, i gave up and became a jikooker in mid may of 2019. ive never looked back. over the years they've only given us more and more evidence and i doubt my beliefs will ever change soon.

i hope this was kinda fun to read, i had been planning to do this for a long time. im glad i finally got to say my thoughts out here. thank you for taking the time to read this<3

[fleurdeneuf]

fleur's tenth tumblrversary thank you post

hello, friends! it's been a decade plus two days since i created this tumblr account, and i never could have imagined what de-lurking would bring to my life and all of the wonderful people i'd meet. thank you to all of my friends and followers for making my experience here so amazing. i love you all very much!

here's a round up for my blog pages, for any new folks or people who typically use mobile:

about / fic recs / tags / how to tumblr / & x-kit / PCOS

there’s 16 years’ worth of doctor/rose (mostly, but far from entirely, nine/rose) fic recs in those pages, between teaspoon and here and AO3, and ten years’ worth of extensive tumblr tagging, so go nuts! ;)

speaking of fic, there are two things in my tumblr experience of which i am the most proud: collaborating on two amazing stories with @chiaroscuroverse, and coining the term "smupdate" way back in 2015. :')

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a round up of some of my most used tags:

about fleur / fleur replies / fleur does the meme / fleur has an OP tag / christopher eccleston / nine/rose / simm spiral / film recs / i want this dress / pink

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since i haven't been as active on tumblr as i used to be, here's how i'm also filling my time: knitting, reading romance novels, and looking for progressive politics + progressive christianity people and spaces. if we know each other and you want to find me elsewhere and nerd out with me about any of those things, send me an ask or an IM and let me know!

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and, it's officially the weekend, so let's do a sleepover weekend thing to celebrate:

tell me about your favorite blogs and i’ll @ them

rec me something: fic, books, movies, tv, music, etc.

send me a pun or a nerdy fact

tell me about your cat, if you have one

tell me what you're crafting/cooking/making

send someone a sweet anon ask (i won’t know if you do this, of course, but you’re welcome to tell me that you did!  i love knowing when people are sharing the love.)

my askbox is open

[prettyboykatsuki]

idk what i’m doing so i’m really sorry if this is awkward but i just donated $56 (american) to hamdi hejazi’s fundraiser for his children for the @ficsforgaza sponsor a wip thing (turns out i had a decent chunk of spare cash going to waste in my venmo account so now it’s going to much better use !) and i would like this to go for the word count for the alpha bachira fic! (please let me know if you need any other screenshots/info to validate ahskhsksj)

ps: i love your writing and have for a really long time now even tho i mostly lurk, you’re really cool and your blog is like my daily morning paper except if the paper was about like. fictional man weenie LMAO. i think you and all the other writers for this project are amazing, and i’m glad to help support it!! thank you for your service, and from the river to the sea !

__

hello!! u are doing perfectly fine no worries. thank you for your submission and for donating to ppl in gaza. (AND ALSO for your kindness im very happy to have you here!! im so honred u think so highly of me and i appreciate your participation yipee!!

[isa-ghost]

hey it's the anon who asked what dr*m did,

I decided to do my own research (mainly cause I was curious) but... I can't find much? let me rephrase it - I did find the allegations from 6ish months ago, that he's going to court with one(?) of them, but that's... all? I didn't find the court's verdict, confirmations, or him admitting either... and any post or video I find has both the OP and the comments mostly on his side and believing that it's either not true or true but not grooming, even people who say they're not his fans or don't even like him.

so Im not sure if the confirmation didn't reach youtube or if I'm searching wrong or something?

but honestly while researching I realized that I cant stand him lmao, gotta agree with some comments I read - he made a mistake by showing more of his personality online, looks like any time he can handle a situation wrong/respond wrong he does it

so dunno, guess I didnt find the confirmation but at least now I don't find his old minecraft videos interesting anymore so theres that

Yeah he can't act properly to save his fucking life

Also I think most of the threads on Twitter and stuff that have all the proof he's guilty/etc is probably long buried, unfortunately. You could probably try to ask around saying you're trying to get the whole picture but tbh it's not a huge deal if you can't. You can try searching my blog but Tumblr sucks with that shit. The fact that this and his other controversies have been buried and lost to the void of the internet is typical white boy with a monstrously big platform shit so I'm not surprised. I never heard any details about court (prob for legal reasons) or a conviction either. All I know is there was screenshot proof from the victim that they talked, and Dr*m confirmed the screenshots were real but didn't say anything about other details. But those details literally can't be false if the screenshots & the shit said in them are true.

Anyway, as far as his other bullshit goes:

People found old kkk meme edits on his yt account through the wayback machine. More than once if I'm not mistaken

He has a history of defending himself using the r slur

He cheated "on accident" in a speedrun (the least important thing ever but everyone always brings it up)

He claimed he was going to donate all proceeds during pride month to lgbt+ charities & he'd do charity streams all month but never did

He defended himself about replying to haters, which would send thousands of his toxic stans after the person getting them doxxed/death threats/etc and he refused to address that it was irresponsible of him bc he was too entitled to immaturely clap back at the antis. Even other ccs, like B/itzel called him out about shit related to how he uses his platform irresponsibly & he unfollowed & shaded them like a bitch baby

The whole "accidental" copycat shit with QSMP/USMP and basically softcore stalking Q/uackity online.

His "apologies" for all of the above fucking sucked in multiple ways. And that's just 2021-Now shit I can remember off the top of my head, I lost my Twitter in May last year so now I get my info from people's posts about it on here or links to tweets.

Everyone largely suspects he spontaneously reignited d/smp lore & started the finale to cover up the groomer thing bc he has a history of doing smth "new and cool" every time he causes drama to divert attention and avoid accountability.

He's also suspected of suddenly rewriting the d/smp finale to paint his Irredeemable Abuser Villain Up Until The Last Stream as a sympathetic poor baby out of nowhere and wrote that his victim, c!Tommy apologized to him, which sends a HORRIBLE message about abusive relationships. T/ommy and T/ubbo have both subtly mentioned not liking the finale and that Dr*m had AWFUL communication during the last like 6+ months of the smp.

He also suddenly showed up in T/ubbo's chat lurking while T/ubbo happened to be mentioning he'd do his own research on the grooming situation instead of blindly siding with Dr*m and it was some shit out of a horror movie is2g, he suddenly dmed T/ubbo out of nowhere during it on discord saying they'd talk about it after T/ubbo wasn't streaming. Basically sounds like he was gonna bias T/ubbo about his innocence. Like he hadn't been in chat all stream long but SUDDENLY he was there the second the topic came up. But the d/smp ccs also can't say anything about the situation since it's a legal matter, so a handful of ccs have just stated/implied they don't support him other ways

He only quit MCC bc he threw a tantrum about how he couldn't practice for it but now that MCC island exists, people were getting better than him. He's habitually a sore loser about that kinda shit

He's got that whole weird "is he, isn't he" bullshit going on about him being lgbt. I personally think he's just catering to his stupid d/n/f shippers bc they like to truth their relationship & sexuality all the time and he's never explicitly said he's bi or smth. He's just vaguely been like "yeeeaahhhh I mostly like girls like 99% but maaaayyybeee I like guys idkkkk. 🤪" But he's also done that multiple times so who tf knows. I'm not gonna fully dismiss him & I understand no one including me is entitled to his specific sexuality, but he has garbage credibility on like everything so I'm neutral on the matter and find it hard to believe him

Not directly him related, but his stans went on a long and horrifying witch hunt on Twitter during the kkk ordeal doxxing, death threatening & harassing ENTIRE mcyt subtwts who spoke out against him and called him out on his racism, performative activism, shitty apology, etc. For example, I was part of S/neeg's subtwt and all my mutuals and me had to go private to avoid getting doxxed. It felt like being raided in some dystopian ass horror film. Entire subtwts were going private, panicking, paranoid they'd get outed & stalked & harassed by people just for condemning racism, raising Black voices, etc. It was borderline traumatic to some people, I know people who lost sleep over it bc they were so afraid.

That's all I can think of off the top of my head but the end of 2021 to early 2022 was a fucking nightmare between him being an immature entitled piece of shit and his stans blindly defending him and going out of their way to endanger people who rightfully opposed him.

[oobshl00by]

yall go look at my poetry and writing account!!! would be very much appreciated!!! i’m working on a collection of poems and short stories currently and a whole novel in the background. but i’m posting some poems and short stories on here to (i’m so sorry but there’s no other way to say if) spread my wings, if you will (i won’t) 🤢🤮 being a writer is great!!😀 (she says while throwing up at the cringeness of that metaphor)

anywho!!! i’m queer all around ifykyk, i would inject taylor swift into my veins if it was possible, got a sprinkle of adhd on top the mountain of autism, and well i’m on tumblr if that gives you any clue about the entirety of my being. you know who i am just like i know who you are. the first ship i ever followed on this hellsite, well it was rpf so i don’t wanna get in to that shout out to those guys living their best gay life now ifykyk. the other was JOHNLOCK!!!!! then destiel and it was all downhill from there.

basically you know a bit about me and maybe our vibes match. i don’t know man. just go look at them or im gonna be under your bed and lurking in your closet while you sleep. that is a threat and a promise. tee-hee

@oobwordy

[mini-jiminie]

hi! I just found your blog and it is great to see people that are open to talk and engage with other peoples perspectives. I was on 2017 jikook tumblr till the start of 2019, when I deleted my account due to the increasing negativity and I just wasnt vibing with all of it. But I had my twitter acc where I just followed translations and updates accounts of the boys and yeah I was kinda updated on them.

Obviously since used to have a tumblr account I had my thoughts on jungkooks and jimins relationship through those years but I just kept them with myself because I wasnt in any space to share them and I didnt want to be involved on any fandom communities at that time.

Like two weeks ago curiosity got me and I decided to see what was going on on jkk tumblr because I had a my thoughts of them since ays started so I created an account lol. Ive been seeing a lot of peoples reactions but it is great to find people that match with what I was thinking. Like they definitely have a relationship with each other that stands out from other ones. I think there has been a lot of things that point to them having a unique/different bond but there is also some others that obviously do not erase all those others moments but kinda gives us a big slap in the face lol. I was reading some of your posts and something that resonated a lot with me was this

Jkk’s dynamic is so distinct from their dynamics with the other boys. I’m happy to speculate whether they could be in a romantic relationship but, I’m also content with not knowing.

To be honest with everything that has happened these last years I don’t really think they are in a relationship. Ive been here since 2017 and for years I used to believe they had something going on, never could I state it as a fact but I think everyone in the fandom noticed it even the members, they were different. But I also think relationships are so difficult and they both are the only ones that can know every aspect of what was going on between them.

I saw on your pinned that you started to use this tumblr acc again. Was it because ays made you had some thoughts too? I hope no one takes this as negative in any way Im just sharing my thoughts as someone who appreciates jimin and jungkook a lot.

Heyy,

So, I also initially left tumblr around 2019 too because the boys were mainly active on Twitter and so was majority of the fandom. I didn’t use this acc to post and would only lurk so, I didn’t have much of an attachment to it.

Funny story but, I do owe me revisiting my tumblr acc to a jkk writer on Twitter. We’re not personally acquainted but, I am a fan of their writing. One day, I was scrolling through their curious-cat and found that they were having these really thoughtful discussions on jkk. I found that I really resonated with their opinions and was just overall so excited that I found a space to engage in such discussions. Now, maybe it’s just me but I find that the jkk space (and honestly the army space as a whole) on Twitter has become less of a space for discussion and discourse as the years have gone by. I came back to tumblr because I thought well, this is where I’ll be able to read and engage in such thoughtful conversation, especially in light of ays.

It does look like we share similar opinions <3 I’m sure you’ve probably seen me say the same thing a billion times but yea, I love Jikook because they always have me on the edge. There’s something so thrilling about being kept on your toes as you observe two people who have such an interesting dynamic. No matter what they are to one another, the love and adoration is undeniable and that’s all I would ever want from them. I just want them to be happy and I can say with confidence that they make eachother happy. Ays has definitely cemented that for me.

[dballzposting]

okay this is gonna sound maybe kinda wild but i need you to bear with me here. on account of i just had this thought but i have hit post limit and you're the only person i can trust with this

videl is a whiskey drinker. you know this, i know this, everyone knows this. it doesn't affect her. she's been sneaking a little bit ever since she was big enough to reach the bottle, bc Dad said it was a Real Man's Drink and she had something to prove.

Videl does not drink to excess, but even drunk videl is not that much different from normal videl. maybe a little floppier. maybe a little less testy. whatever.

but gohan?

gohan starts with wine. it's a low alcohol content. it's refined, it's classy, it fits the image of the future he wants. and, most importantly, he wouldn't feel embarrassed if his mom found out he had a glass of wine. She wouldn't be happy about him drinking alcohol, but she would Understand.

wrong fucking move.

he has one glass. He hates the way it makes him feel. The control he's fought so hard for slips away. he melts into Dionysus' bestial embrace.

all of a sudden his instincts kick in and he's fighting for control silently in his own mind. Stone-faced and wild-eyed, he sits alone in his dark bedroom. And when Videl opens the door, he makes unblinking eye contact. For several moments, her heart freezes and she understands that her husband is truly half-alien; something wretched from beyond the stars lurks in his chest.

he says, with no emotion expressed, 'we're alive, you and I.'

and her heart resumes

she walks up to the bed and sits on her knees next to gohan. she softly touches his face, and he gently, reverently, takes her forearm in his mouth like a dog.

she strokes his hair with her other hand, and he lets go. he looks up at her with sad, sad eyes. he speaks again

'I want to hunt a rabbit. not like a man, with guns and traps and ki, but like a quick and clever creature. the claws on my hands and the teeth in my mouth.'

and then, in the dim light of the hallway, videl looks at the nightstand and sees a cup and a bottle with just enough wine missing to deduce he has had one (1) glass of Sauvignon Blanc.

and after cooking up the steak she was saving for after she won the poker tournament tomorrow to sate gohan's bloodhunger, she puts him to bed and calls up Chi-Chi.

(I don't have an ending for this i just think that most aliens in dbz, saiyans especially, have a really low alcohol tolerance for reasons that would take forever to explain, and that gohan especially would be weird bc he has had so much training specifically to deal with his instincts and emotions, and that alcohol would interfere with the execution of that training but not the understanding of it)

thank you if you took the time to read this!

thank you if you took the time to read this!

Hey I think I need to answer this now like right now becos it was sent tonight and there is no way that this will be permissible tomorrow.

OK WElll let's see here let's break this down. Have no fear audience members we will get throuhg thsi

OK first of all

im sleepy let me think about this one.

You Have Hit Post Limit Yet Again.

Videl drinks whiskey the same way she smokes cigars ok got it. She's always been able to detect on some level the vacancy in her father where his spine should be so she's always known that titles like "Real Man" were empty aesthetics and that she herself captured the REAL ideals without having to boast it. But at some point she has to say something to give people something to listen to when their eyes fail them. She drinks that whiskey and she doesn't need to but she's damn good at it

Wine "fits the image of the future [Gohan] wants" ... It's a future that has the luxury to build itself on levels of social games like aesthetics and class and propriety ... it has the luxury of peace. Plus it's a fun fruity color. Lol.

THE IDEA THAT ONE (1) GLASS OF WINE JUST COMPLETELY FUCKING UNDOES HIM ?

He's had to fight for control and this control just puts its hat on and walks out the frontal cortex at the slightest flavor of alcohol. Like Ok I'm out. Bye

OK like actually everything about Gohan & Videl's relationship and interactions is completely the notion of Wearing Class on top of Beastliness. A dapper hat and bloody fangs. Vampires in the city. Complex mammalian social interactions being the most phylogenetically recent adaption to the nervous system and it necessarily has communications with the "lower" systems and making sense of the whole system is what makes us human. In my earlier post today I almost said something about Videl marrying the knives of intellect with the force of shadows but i coudnt figure out how to phrase it. I still can't. My point is that I think that this ask will cohere going forward but let's find out

He would sit there stone faced in the dark willing the moment to pass that is so Goahn ...

She literally would understand perfectly and she would give him her arm. He's an alien and something beyond the stars lurks unarticulated yet thriving in his being and she would see that and duely freeze as a human ought but she would feel like "FINALLY something that fucking MAKES SENSE" like she would get it

Because she KNOOOWS that she's gonna win the poker tournamnet. Gonna be honest. I think that it's gonna be Krillin's lucky night. Unless it's a woman-only tournament. Then I'm thinking that Bulma almost wins until A18 smoothly takes over at the last second. But Videl wins the other times. We just can't all be winners allof the time....

She's cooking the steak and he's pacing like a sad dog miserably musing that "it's not gonna be enough" and she has to be like "Look how red it is. Look how warm. Pretend it's fresh-killed." and Gohan remebers when he was a little boy when he was surviving in the wild, there was this dickhead dinosaur who always tried to get at him and Gohan would slice off a bit of its tail and eat it every time he won the fight. And the dinosaur kept trying. And Gohan almsot felt bad about it but now he's understasnding more than ever that winning or losing are just the outcomes of the NECESSARY NEED TO HUNT, it was righteous and essential that he and that dinosaur continuously engaged with each other and the dinosaur had no choice by nature. so he doesnt feel bad anymore in fact he feels thrilled at having partaken. And he feels big for winning. And he eats the steak and Videl offers that red wine goes good with red meat and he says NO PLEASE NO GOD. NO

OK like yes in the dragon ball that we see on screen it would track for Videl to call Chichi on the phone and garner a light commiseration re: Alien Husbands without actually disclosing any details at all, and even gather some productive insight or info. BUT The Chichi that I know is like "Laura" by Billy Joel and everything is about her feelings and so we honestly wanna keep her as far from the genuine lived experience of others as possible.

I'll believe you about the alcohol thign.

Also I'm gonna interject and say that Feeling your Feelings w/o judgement and w/o needing to take action about them is so imporatant and I wish that Gohan wouldnt fight himself down so much.

But I get it like he's more than an animal he's an alien and there's nothing more primal than being the improbable lovechild of a human and an alien and he will never know if what he is feeling is "acceptable" or "alien and fucked up" and he fears it all same

EVERYBIODY SLEEP TIGHT or WAKE UP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[forcebookish]

i haven't watched the new episode properly yet but omg so furious - if they decided within a week to cut out that scene then why put it in the preview? where are all these topmew haters getting to jojo from?? is it just twitter? im genuinely so devastated for them they deserve so much better. can't help but wonder what got cut that we don't actually know about too. legit boiling idk if i can watch the new episode rn im honestly tempted to get twitter just so i can support forcebook with this show 😭 how can people hate them this much?? i don't see forcebook/topmew fans out here dragging firstkhao and neomark through the mud??? ive gotten 10/10 bored of particular sandray and i really hate ray bc i have dealt with a horrible destructive violent addict so he is a triggering character (it's mostly horrible to see fans glorify that behaviour) but im not out here screaming at them to cut the actors scenes im just is it ok to cry about this hahahahaaA

cry it out, dude. it's fucked up the way they treat our boys.

i think it's twitter and youtube (i think it was you who i talked to about a yt commenter being a dick to me because i had the gall to ask why there was no forcebook footage in the last bts?😒). and yeah, even with p'jojo's explanation for why it was cut, it doesn't matter because mew was at that level of anger throughout the episode anyway. all it did was take something away from foxmochis and topmewists when we're literally begging for crumbs. and like you said!!! we're not bashing any actors, we're not complaining about screentime, we're not making shit up about the story or the characters - we're the ones who have been having a good time, even when there are characters that we hate, it's not the story that we're complaining about.

I MEAN NOW IT IS, but this was a uniquely bad episode lol

but certainly not the actors! there have been MULTIPLE people saying that they wanted topmew to be minor characters just so that their faves could have more screentime. all i want is for forcebook to be in a drama on their own without any of these other fucking "fans" going out of their way to bash them. and it's always, "why are foxmochis so defensive?" "tomafoxes have a victim complex." "gmmtv shows favoritism to forcebook." LIKE EXCUSE ME??? it's like they live in an alternate reality designed just so they feel better about hating on two perfectly lovely, talented guys and some of the kindest people i have ever met in a fandom space ever.

and honestly, i never thought i'd say this... but i do recommend getting a twitter account. i got mine just to lurk and see what forcebook was up to, but i've gotten in the habit of sending them tweets about how much i love them every now and again when i see something heinous or am just thinking about them. they get flooded with shit they don't deserve, and honestly? it makes me feel better too, knowing that i'm pushing back against the wave. who knows if they see it or understand it, but at least it's out there.

if they didn't need all the support they could get, i'd probably stop watching at this point (or at least pause), because it feels like we're being fucked with at this point and that our voices and viewership don't matter :( but they need us! gmmtv isn't going to do their job, so we have to do it for them!

thanks for popping in!❤️‍🩹 it took me a long time to respond to this so maybe you've already seen the episode but good luck anyway, pal. it's kind of a slog lol

[enneamage]

What remains of wilburtwt is much crazier than you think there’s at least 5 seperate ecosystems going on there and they FREQUENTLY fight it’s actually fascinating to see from afar there’s:

-so deep in the parasocial brain they can’t even fathom anything negative about him without getting stressed and create hcs and enemies to get out of it (saddening to see but some are so aggressive and hostile that my pity dies)

-kinda sorta vaguely neutral where there’s still the parasocial level of giving him the benefit of the doubt, but not giving any of those hurt by him any amount of that same generosity

-neutral but more. like they think he sucks but wants him to come back for #content and #music and will call out others in the first category for spreading misinformation and seem to genuinely want him to change but for fully admitted selfish reasons “im just here for music” mindset

-deranged in the sense they want him carnally but do seem to know he’s a bad person and should be held accountable. but will still post about How Bad They Want Him. weirdly see this group of people defend his victims the most

sometimes i want to put them in a lab and just study what’s going on in there 🧫

I should lurk at some point, that sounds intense.

[itsjustagoober]

Alrighty then.

So.

This is gonna be one of those posts, unfortunately. One of those where I admit that things are too busy on my side and I've just been trying to hide it really well, but I can't anymore. I finally hit my limit.

TL;DR: I am now shuttering all my blog here indefinitely until otherwise stated due to personal reasons, I will be working only on the ones on the other account (@maddys-mad-menagerie-asks and @maddys-mad-menagerie ) to give them the love and attention they deserve and that I, myself, will only be here in lurking mode, thus reachable only by IMs and on Discord.

Actual reasons why and some exposition below the cut.

So, the immediate reason I'm doing this? Too much on my plate that I actually need to focus on and Tumblr will pull me away from it. Not a bad thing, mind you, but I need to focus these next few weeks.

In these next few weeks, starting tomorrow of when I post this originally, will have to:

-Go to a wake, funeral and an Army service for my great uncle tomorrow. This is the one who lived with us for the last couple years and I've been asked to be a pallbearer with all that I did for him in these last years of his life. I am both honored to help and so very exhausted to see another family member gone so soon. I don't know if it is weird to handle it this way, but I am exhausted by others' deaths. Not that they happen, but how others react and act around the death of others. I know it's coming and all the signs, but I know everyone handles death differently.

-In the next week or so, it is time for our annual family Christmas Party. Didn't have them the last two years cuz of Covid, thankfully, but I don't wanna hear any shit about it at the party. My family is one-half conservative and one-half progressive and all halves euuugh. Hopefully, it'll go as smoothly as it used to, but I have a sneaking suspicion it miiiiiiight not.

-After that, I've got a surprise visit to my great uncle, who doesn't live with us, to spend Christmas Eve with him. I found out he couldn't go to a party he wanted to cuz of stairs, so I'm gonna go spend time with him and let him know he's loved and appreciated.

-Some time after that, maybe another family Christmas party? That one's still up in the air, so we'll see.

-The annual New Year's party with my friends. All at once house, movies and music and sleepover and the IHOP in the morning on New Year's Day.

That's all the stuff coming up, so yeah. The other reasons I am stepping away for a bit is a combination of things, but two stick out to me: I feel like I'm not doing anything up to my full potential, so I, in turn, don't feel like I'm good enough by my own standards.

I know it's the anxiety talking and I'm sure none of you actually think the worst of me and even I know that, but I don't always win that argument. This is one of those times. I love you all and I know you all love me back in your own ways, so I'll leave it at that before I say anything particularly stupid and put my foot in my mouth.

I'm gonna take a break for the rest of the year and reassess what I want to do here and with myself. When I come back, who knows what'll happen? For now, poke me in IMs or Discord for things and I'll be lurking.

Feel free to ask if you wanna continue threads or start any new ones when I come back, but yeah. Maybe I'm calling it too early, so I shouldn't say that, bleh. Anyway, see y'all around soon and have a safe and happy holidays and New Year.

[starburstchoir]

Hi, sorry for bothering you. I just started playing Life Makeover yesterday. I was wondering if you could explain guilds? I haven't been able to join one, but I don't want to buy/spend coupons to create a guild without knowing what I'm getting into.

Thank you 😃

I really only know the basics bc i just joined the first english one i could find. As my previous history with archosaurs mmo Dragon Raja...it's honestly probably going to be much easier to join as a member...unless you plan on being very active and having enough members in your own guild. Bc of the real world value...if your guild shuts down via not having funds....well there goes your money.

Once you unlock guilds you want to act pretty fast. As like their other game, they like to auto apply you to a guild after awhile...and unless you want to keep leaving guilds best apply or make one as quickly as possible.

Ive yet to have any issues with my own guild, i do my basic dailies enough that i meet their requirements but every guild is different. Try to find one that suits your needs...some have discords (like mine but i uh didnt join and dont seem like i have to....) or require you to be active enough before they kick you

Heres the guild menu

And so i can explain here's the members page

Now as someone not in a position of guild power...some features are pointless to me. But first!

Members: these are the people in the guild that have access to every feature minus any features locked behind a certain role (like increasing sizes and merging guilds)

Reserve: You are not a full member. You can use the shop, take part in events and use the guild channel. You can support the guils but you wont add to funds. After 72 hours of not being online you will get auto kicked. Once you hit level 25 and earn ovee 90 points in the guild you will auto become a member.

Vacation: you can only use the channel, this is where you go if you're a member with 90 points or more and havent been online in more than 72hrs...

Merge guild: If its like DR then basically if your guild is small and is struggling to meet requirements to keep activity up...you'll be able to merge guilds with another one to help keep your guild going (i dont have access to this so i might be missing something)

Change Post: this just is a list of themes you can change the names of positions to...i assume this is something only you see? But i havent changed it

Inspiration project: those books from dailies go here (the game will let you know you have these ready to be donated with a red dot) this is the easiest way to increase your member points

Welfare...once a week you can claim some rewards based on how well you're doing

Guild shop: you'll get pearls from doing inspo and support....this is one place you'll be able to spend them

This is the other. If you've ever played Shining Nikki its very similar to the guild feature where you can unlock makeup. Some cost gold some cost pearls and they will get more expensive as you go farther. You'll get stat bonuses and every so many levels unlock makeup

Support: honestly the perfect support isnt worth it and costs gems. Three times a day you can support the guild to earn pearls and add guild funds...its mostly for yourself

All of this is for the pres and vice master to use...basically level up each feature i cant say much else since im not either of those roles

And that should be the basics? You can probably find more on the life makeover reddit (i dont have an account so i just lurk)

[tonberry-yoda]

(there’s no need to post this ask! i wanted to message you directly but i didn’t have the option to so i’m just reaching out here instead ♡)

okay, i’ve actually been meaning to message you and tell you who i was but i was always too scared to do it 😭 but hello tonberry! i’m wendy, aka your second heart (♡) anon HAHA

i used to be active on this tumblr last year as a fic writer myself, but because of college and some pretty bad writer’s burnout i decided to just lurk using this account. i found you by chance, fell ABSOLUTELY in love with your writing, and now here i am!

i really wanted to talk to you because you’re always so friendly and kind, especially to your friends on here, but again for some reason i was always too scared to reach out 😭

you’re also free to post about you finding out who i am by the way, it’s up to you if you’d want to mention me directly though! i’m fine with either one, i’m just glad i finally had it in me to talk to my absolute favorite jojo writer ♡

OMG @depressed--simp!!

Hello other heart anon!! I dont know how this little mix up happened (also i did change the DM setting so if you ever want to DM me go for it!! <333)

it is seriously so nice to meet you wendy!! im sorry to hear about your burnout, but i would love to read some of your stuff if you ever want to share!! i totally get the college grind can be a real pain

i hope you know that all of your comments and overall kindness you show me does not go unseen! never be scared to reach out especially since now my DMs are open!! you are such a kind soul and it seriously means a lot to have someone like you showing me so much love!

you really do mean a lot to me, i guess im just feeling sappy today, but im being honest. thank you for reaching out and dont ever be scared to do it agian!

stay hydrated love!! <33

Tonberry :)

[im-getting-help]

Let me tell youuu! It not only haunted me, I think it saved my fcking life.

In 2020 I came back to fandom spaces thanks to the It movies.

It all started in twitter. I was lurking, looking for memes and I found one of those screenshot fics accounts and began reading Turtle Creek. (that format was insane! i kinda of miss it tho).

I eventually ended up in ao3. The same person who was making some of the twitter accounts wrote some fics there.

I kept going through twitter cause, again, that format of screenshot stories was addictive and I found a very interesting fic.

This screenshot fic was a short story that was all text messages until the last chapter. In this, Eddie text a wrong number and it turns out to be Richie, but obviously they don't know, but they keep texting and im not going to spoil cause when I tell you this one is GOOD im not joking.

That fic becames one of my absolute favourites even after finishing the story, I absolutely love it.

After covid (around 2021) I say goodbye to It and go back to normal boring life.

You see, for the longest time I lived like a closeted fan. Im not sure what made me so reluctant to be active in fandom but I just couldn't. I didn't want to be a fan and I was afraid to interact with communities. I didn't like or shared or comment, I was like a ghost, I read and I left. My close friends knew what I liked and once in a while I talked about how much I loved the It movies, but specifically online I didn't want anything to do with fandom, so when covid stopped I thought the logical thing to do was to just, go back to living "normal life".

I started uni and time passed. Then, around march of 2023 I was looking for something in the IG stories archive and find a story I made with a Pennywise filter and thought "aw! the It fandom, nice ❤".

A week later I can't stop thinking about It. Im in class and I remember a meme i've seen in twitter 3 years ago and I can't stop laughing. I find an old drive file filled with It memes I download in 2020. I go to twitter to see if I can find Turtle Creek and it's gone. I don't remember any of the user names of the people who wrote those other screenshot fics. I never followed anyone, I never interacted with anyone, I don't remember fics names or accounts, I only have some memes and art, some from artists that they don't even have accounts anymore.

The thing is, I was entering depression again at that time. Just like in 2020, the It fandom was holding my hand and telling me "hey, here is something lovely for you to enjoy today, life isn't horrible!" so, I relented. I came back to tumblr, I opened an account on ao3 and started looking for new fics, cause for some reason I thought all the fics I read on twitter were lost forever (so dramatic lol).

Months passed and istg if it wasn't for It fics im sure I would've dropped out of uni. I was so fcking depressed, the only thing that motivated me was reading a new one shot or next chapter and I used it as a reward to study. I used it as a reward to get out of bed sometimes. When I was really depressed I thought 'but I want to know what happens in the next chapter' 'I want to read one more fic by x author' 'maybe x abandoned fic finally gets an update'.

Around september I was scrolling through the reddie tag and I find this fic, 'Wrong Number' by Blissymbolics (amazing writer!!) that sounds really interesting. Is a story in which Eddie texts a stranger by accident and it turns out to be Richie... guys... I cried re-reading that fic lmao. I can't explain exactly why, it felt like finding an old friend on a crowded street and giving them a big hug. I was in a call with friend like "DUDE I FOUND IT!! I FOUND THAT AWESOME FIC I READ IN TWITTER!"

After that I think something clicked, I was like, yeah I love this place, I want to be part of the communities, I want to interact and leave comments, the writers deserve to know how much I love their works, how they make my day better every time they post.

So yeah, it haunted me, and it saved me. It literally saved me.

has anyone else ever had a fanfic that just… haunts them? like it’s been months and maybe even years since you read it, but it just lingers with you and you can never truly leave behind the imprint it made on you? and maybe it’s just a single line, one sentence that you can’t shake off, that takes up residence in your mind and stays there, feeding into your psyche and subtly influencing your brainspace and maybe even your writing or other works?

[p-t-f-s]

everytime i make a new friend or i open up about shit it /always/ ends up at one point or another they say my life is like a tv show or i should write a book or pitch my life - like more a handful amount of times, like damn near every time i make a friend. and like. i wish they were wrong when i try to look objectively at what im telling them and not just. my life that i wake up and live and go to sleep with every day. but also like. thats also a looooooooooot of people ive met??? everyone has interesting and fun stories, but most of life is so similarly repetitive that we forget it more than we experience. also i do believe it is my autistic rizz. and ability to self sooth and parent.

[its all just personal life bitching/discussion/musings below]

anyways i wish life would be calm for like. a couple months pls. i know a year is too much to ask but literally this year has been a lot. like last year was a lot but it wasnt a fucking competition. getting my car stolen again, then losing my job in what was supposed to be my 5 year anniversary, and then finding out my uncle had stage 4 cancer. then it was spring break and i got to visit my cousing with a thankfully preplanned and prepayed vacation during the midst and height and she and her husband were like "heres our cocktail maker. get as drunk as you want" which was nice of them so i stayed tipsy half the time i was awake instead of high while in seattle. went to a wine tasting expo. got throw up drunk. my cousin was very impressed by my ability to keep my manners while drunk past my tits and wait to throw up till after id rolled the window down and stuck my head out. i was getting blackout drunk bc id apparently texted my friends i loved them which i had no recollection of doing considering my phone was actively dying while i was still only actually tipsy at that expo. i was also less stress then bc my car had been found. totalled, crashed and smashed in the front which thankfully i owed less than it was worth so they payout covered the downpayment for my new car. rip to not getting my personalized horse license plate with my name on it. then i get back home and my uncle is now dead and the whole family is in town for the funeral. its been a cascade of em for a few years now since my mom started the party back in 21.

by the viewing id started a new job for a week. close by home and only a dollar less than previously. they were asking a whole lot for shit pay in truth. and NOW. I FIND OUT THE JOB I STARTED WHILE TAKING A FRAUD ACCOUNTING CLASS. MIGHT BE VICTIM TO FRAUD. POSSIBLY SINCE INCEPTION AND IN THE MOST TERRIBLY HORRIBLY OBVIOUS WAY THAT JUST KEPT SLOWLY AND SLOWLY GETTING PEELED AND REVEALED. I love it when the head of one department tells me hes in cahoots with the head of another dpt and a few workers from their and others about the terrible company shit they found and are kinda looking at other jobs. ofc he did say that after i said to his face that i was spending a bit every morning applying to other jobs after learning of the possible fraud VIA OUR """CONSULTING CFO""" having been previously convicted of fraud. twice. over a decade between convictions. were getting drinks later this week for him to tell me everything else hes found and lurked about in the system. and how no one understands what accounting is or does or how i actually spend half or most of my day playing solitaire or watching anime. bc they want me to be a controller but are calling and paying me at the clerk level. so thats what they get. i love the phrase act your wage.

theres still so many other things that have happened this year too that i still havent mentioned. like the moon hole. passive aggressive fighting with my upstairs neighbor who said i was "delusional and fucking hallucinating" bc i said he stomps in the middle of the night. and literally as i typed that there he went above my head at. ah. 10:58 pm. since my second talking to him in march i know ive not been the only one to talk to him about his shaking the goddamn foundations of the building or waking the toddler constantly in the apartment next to his, diagonal from mine. the surprise birthday party my friends threw for me after literally freightening me when i came home with surprise and each giving me different hearfelt and attentive gifts of all my different interests. weekly dinners with my dad on the same days he was court ordered to have my older siblings and i during the week as he lives 10 minutes away taking care of our grandfather. hes the only reason i get updates on my older sisters life as she blocked me on all social media and cut me from her life before our mothers death for our differing political beliefs. infighting truly is the death of leftists as out beliefs were always closer together than to that of our very republican parents. but im also not an american government shoe loving authority cuck like most the rest of em. "you know what its like to be a minority bc you were a literal minority of being white kids going to a majority black school in the city." to my fucking FACE. not only is that incredibly dismissive on so many levels but like with how LEGITIMATELY my siblings took and NOODED THEIR HEADS?????? TO IT. truly fiction is a joke compared to life.

anyways this is the most any of you will ever get from me here on tumblr in months, good luck to any of my followers seeing this who were unaware i am a person and wassup to my mutuals entirely unaware of my life and smooches to my dear dear friends who are all very aware of all of this. everyone else. idgaf, this was for me to vent and proclaim. bc i lay down in my bed with my cat looking very disappointed that im not asleep despite how late it is and i have to go to sleep keeping all of that with me for the rest of my life. oh it may not stay close, it may not be completely there by the end, but i know i will always be aware even more so than before when i was living out of my car, of what i keep in and am willing to leave in and with it. I have somehow kept that cute little cactus my friend gave my for my birthday alive still, i now have a whole wall of plants that ive kept alive for over a year, and i plant to keep that as long as I can. I have presents and gifts and memories that i plan to look fondly on tomorrow and the day after and the day after that and so on. afterall. I need to check on my plants and water them, and feed my cat. everyday a tragedy happens and still i must feed my cat. my mother was dying, and still i had to feed my cat. was she suffering? no, she was not even there anymore to be suffering and still i must go home and feed my cat and sleep and wake up and there is my cat to welcome my mornings after guarding my nights, a clear agreement that she must be fed once pleased with her pettings. my elder sister blocked me and cut me from her life before our mothers death and even during she did not change, strong in her stance and belief not even grief would change or ease her foundations. nor would my grief stop my cat from being fed. every day i wake and sleep with all these things and one day my cat will die. and i will grieve. and it will not be her that gets me through it, but she will never be parted from me again. i will wake up and make the same sleepy motions that indicate her morning ritual that will not be performed. my day will be as different and as same as it was before. i will sleep and i will wake with it all and i will meet someone new and tell them the first time i really got into energy drinks was after getting a whole case for being a smartass at 7am to emergency driving instructors. that i only started drinking coffee bc a boy who liked me worked at starbucks and so gave me a large giftcard and an in to getting my first job at starbucks. you never know why or how somethings started.

[dadablush]

At this point of nagging, i know i had to use this space to be active and i think im pretty hot mess shimmer to settle here.

Im looking forward to create again, my hands are itchy, can't help it, they just want to be free of minds.

Sorry my adhd kicks in, but hella, i just lurked here for a sudden kick of 'what if' thoughts

Also, wanted to share that i just ended my light blue era and now moving onto red era 🩸🩸 its my spectrum of energies y'all.

Im in awe with orange last year, been enchanted by greens and peaches and been stabbed by deep pinks. Now i hated browns, the nude plains and neutrals that sores my neck- too much, i once loved them before but maybe it will be again in the future.

I don't know, i just dropped by here to say that im going to be active here but i said a lot of things already.

Im just talkative with no one to talk to, so im here on edge bubbling randomly.

And last thought to share for the day is my new intention to post my stuffs during BER months and while on off-BER months, i would like to focus more on creating and participating on some random prompts shared online 'cause y not? They're too tempting to not resist 😔 - I'LL SHARE THEM TOO ON THE DAY I SAW AND CREATED THEM🍭 (on my @deintywoodtales account pls, check them out: my old stuffs are there, its my writing space too)

They're all in my head last night and i just had to declutter them outloud 🥰

For now, ill just bubble and reblog blog blog here and connect with other peeps.

Because y not, im always inspired and in wanders. 🌻🌻