strsong

[crystalpallette]

frye inspires this sort of manic "i can do whatever i want" kinda will in people and god. I sure did do whatever I wanted here

[winryrockbellwannabe]

AJ my beloved <3 how have you been? I don't get to see nearly enough of you on my dash :" I love love love your ghibli challenge, it's so calming and comforting and it always brings a smile to my face <3 and it's so characteristically youuu!!! (when I think of you I automatically envision Kiki xD) and now you're already halfway through the challenge omg! time goes so fast 😩

this ask is kinda overdue atp, we haven't spoken in a while and i just missed you too much T-T so hi 🥺💗 have you been eating well and staying hydrated? I hope youve been taking good care of yourself :))

also! I just saw your bookworm post and I want to ask- 43 and 44! honestly I love listening to you talk about books and media in gen and your tsh rants are 🤌🤌 I'll bombard you with more numbers soon xD

sending in lots of love and hugs, specifically the ponyo kind 💕🫂 love youuu<3

MEG!! hiii, i missed you!! 🥺 <333

(sorry, i also took ages answering this, chaotic couple of weeks)

I've been okay, kinda overwhelmed rn bc ✨exams✨, which also means my bachelor's is almost over???? *panics a little bit*

I'm so glad you liked my ghibli challenge, i was needing a pick me up for the last weeks of classes and i think it was great for it. And i was definitely inspired by your takami challenge! It was so cute, and it really made me want to watch the series so I could understand all the references!!!

(Im so honored to be associated with kiki in your brain, meanwhile I can't watch ponyo rn without thinking of you💞)

Also, dw about the ask being "overdue", honestly you've been hella busy, so don't worry about it - I've been happy just watching from "a far" rooting for you and being super proud!!!💗

Also, you sound like my mom ahahah, yes I've been eating enough. Drinking water too, since my sister got me the cutest water bottle with little daisies in it, it's adorable.

Lastly, ahhhk, I'm honored you like my media rants, most of the time I feel like I'm just saying gibberish ahaha

(answering the question under the break, bc this is getting too long lol)

43. Title of a book you own that's in the worst physical condition you have. Explain what happened to it. Post a picture if you want.

uuh. Currently not that many books are in terrible conditions (not like me and my sister's old harry potter novels - in one of them the cover just fell off before i even read it lmao)

I usually try to keep my book pristine, not folding pages or breaking the spine. BUT, in the Game of Thrones (fun fact, the copy wasn't even mine, it was my sister's) i was getting so frustrated with it, i was just breaking the spine off to deal with my frustration lmao

44. The book(s) whose stories have become part of your very makeup.

Ahh SO MANY. Definitely Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the universe and The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo. Those two are the kind of books you read in 2020/21 that make you feel so seen in those moments that you are so hopeless and alone and ahhh. they really made me feel understood in some kind of way

Pride and Prejudice and St. Clare's saga by Enid Blynton, bc of how long I've been obsessed with them. In the same way, Harry Potter and Percy Jackson.

The Poppy War and TSH just bc of the emotional damage lmaoo

And that's it!

Now, how are you??? Also, I already gave you a tiny review of you poetry on the reblogs, but gotta say it again, MEG IT WAS BEAUTIFUL! I will stalk your poetry blog once my exams end, so expect excited asks about it in like.... a month? (*sobs*)

gotta go, love youuuu 💗💗💗

[wormstar]

i was going thru ur blog and u have good posts about ableist aus and i was wondering - what if in the aus the requirements for warriors were different? Like instead of having to fight jay only hunts? Would the muddling of roles still be ableist? In a Tree-like situation?If its not presented in a "work super hard to get what you want" and more in a "yeah they can decide what he wants to do". This is mostly for jay (and cinder) specifically because they had desires to be warriors yet were forced to be medicine cats because of ableism (ig this can apply to briar but i just truly cant remember oots that well and i havent read her death). I am asking because i am still trying to unlearn the ableist mindset that i grew up with. Feel free to ignore this ask and thnx!

hey yeah thank you for asking! took the opportunity to write up more general thoughts on rewrites as a whole and i went over why exactly theyre ableist hopefully that provides a better perspective

i think the major thing to keep in mind is that the structure of the clans is very abled centric and overly ignorant of inner community work (for example dens are only solidified or altered when either the area takes damage/the clans grows wrt population) theres a fixation on marking territory and starting fights and whatever with other clans which is whats expected of most warriors to partake in. to fix those implications in any fanwork youve really gotta knead into them and understand the nature of their ableism....its not just a problem with cats being barred from being warriors its the whole occupation and the standard its held to, so to speak (+ that fits into general clan society being flawed but eh thats another thing and also its easy to branch out into thought about)

going to stress other disabled people might have other solutions to how disabled cats are received this is just how i like to think of things

first i think its kind of interesting to examine discrepancies between disabled cats in canon as somewhat of an indicator of clan attitudes and leaders and whatnot. like i think you could get something interesting by regarding lets say deadfoot in windclan and cinderpelt in thunderclan who both have bad legs yet had different experiences with them in clan life. if you wanna go a step further comparing generations like lilywhisker and deadfoot or cinderpelt and jayfeather (+ the consideration of how congenital disabilities are regarded) can also make things interesting and just give you an idea of what to do. having the clan systems stray from a clear-cut common attitude both gives you more freedom for different approaches + adds to worldbuilding anyway. imo boiling down clan society to perfect utopia just gets boring but you can have imperfections in the system that depict the disabled experience just fine. just be careful with them and the way they come across yeah?

(real quick as an in between. god just dont refer to cats/their injuries as crippled. it still happens somehow)

im a little ambivalent on the idea of creating a ‘special role’ for disabled cats to be thrown into. cause then thats a repeat of canon medicine den really. its like ‘oh youre disabled youre instantly discarded into the x role pit’ i think just adding substantial in-universe changes to the warrior rank itself (vagueness is fun actually) or expanding on ‘warrior types’ rectifies the othering angle. ‘othering’ as a whole is just as bad as the ‘exception’ archetype people run for most warrior aus i want to state that clearly. effectively if youre gonna introduce roles that dont depend on fighting or hunting or both make sure theres abled cats who have them too. like say you want a camp-based role where a cats job is to fix dens or one where they help in the nursery, its far easier for a cat who cant run to manage those but also have some cats who are physically capable of doing other ‘tasks’ do the same thing for personal reasons

the tree comparison is interesting honestly cause i guess you could just give a cat a particular thing to do as a nonfixed position. and roles accordingly being made for a cat to fill until they cant and the positions done away with afterward. but youve gotta do it carefully so you dont fall into othering as ive said. id avoid something like that personally i just dont like the quality of ‘well theyre not a warrior (the most noble/useful concept in cat society) theyre actually some other thing’

in general giving disabled cats agency and choice is the best thing you can do. whether this means them deciding on tasks they can do themselves or picking a certain kind of warrior to be or asking for an assistant to help them out when they do stuff. the way you wanna pull it off again depends on my first question of “how does the relevant part of your warrior cat world treat disabled cats already”

very important point, the majority of the ableism also comes in the form of character narratives and not just the structure of the world itself. like think for a bit why the writers decided jayfeather shouldve been forced to be a medic or why briarlight got killed off early etc etc. characters ‘wanting’ to be like the abled ideal and still being bitter about not fulfilling that years down the line are just part of the ableist storylines. if youre abled id literally say just do away with those sadstuck ‘i wanted to be a warrior!’ moments. if you really want to id say pull a cinderpelt or a shadowsight where a cats time in the medicine den started their fascination with medicine and they switched to that path due to personal intrigue. id say a more interesting and realistic angle to it is having a disabled cat who found fulfilment in doing something else besides being a warrior becoming bitter about their entire clan ‘mourning’ how theyll never fight again or giving them the pretence of being a warrior being the best thing you can do.... it depends on the character really

this is just a very basic disability thing but stray from the whole ‘useless/dead weight’ way of regarding disabled characters. like dont place their worth on how well they service a clan or not theyre still deserving of shelter and whatnot. you dont need to justify a cats existence or usefulness by going ‘well they may be blind but their sense of smell is excellent so we keep them around’ or whatever its just no good

last thing i can think of is like. dont disregard how a cats disability affects them. like its fine that briarlight cant fight (or even hunt major types of prey) she doesnt need some convoluted method that lets her do that. there are like a dozen other warriors hunting and fighting and theres present value and enjoyment in the stuff she does around camp. she doesnt have to be brightheart 2 its ok

[msmarvelwrites]

Season Of The Witch - Part 3

Summary: Your witchy abilities get you in quite a bit of trouble from time to time… But this time you don’t mind so much. 

Pairing: Bucky x reader 

Warnings: Swearing, Anxious reader, implied smut but still 18+ pleasee! 

Word Count: 2.7k

Author's Note: Hey you guys! Hope everyone is having a good week so far! It’s been a long couple few days here, but I’m feeling productive today so here we are. Happy reading! Please like and reblog if youve read, your support means so much to me! 

Thank you forever to @cutie1365​ for all her help and advice on this fic. She’s killing it and you should definitely go check out her work! 

You sat, defeated and mentally drained in the wreckage that was your bedroom floor. After you ripped almost everything out of your closet it was decided, you simply could not go tonight. All you wanted to do was sink into the floor and let the miss-matched fabric swallow you whole without surrender. It could be the idea of spending the night surrounded by screaming thoughts… It could also be the frigid rejection you had received earlier from Bucky, but either way your fate was sealed. It was better if you just bailed. Peter would be disappointed he wouldn't have someone to escape the ‘adult-ier adults’ with him, but he would understand. Wanda, however, would not be so forgiving. 

The knock on your bedroom door sufitialtly pulled you from your own daydreams. 

“Miss Y/L/N, Miss Maximoff is here to see you. Shall I let her in?” The A.I. spoke. You rolled your eyes, a groan slipping from your lips as you hawled yourself off the floor and onto the bed. “Yes, thank you, Friday.” You mumbled. 

Seconds later, Wanda was skipping into your room with a shy grin smoothed over her pink lips. You knew that look all too well, and to this day, it worried you. 

“Hello there friend.” She chimed, swinging the fabric bag she carried onto the bed and taking a seat beside you. “I can see I’ve interrupted your existential crisis.” She chuckled, gesturing to the mess you had made. 

“I’m not going, Wan.” You stated, watching her carefully as she rolled her eyes.

“Like hell you're not going. What’s Bucky going to do without you to shadow?” He chided, eyeing you carefully. She was watching for a reaction, anything to confirm her suspicions. She had probed you for information this time last week. You couldn't hide from her, she knew you too well. Not only in her gifts, but also in spirit. She was one of the first people you really opened up to, and she often used that against you. Especially when trying to discover why you andBucky seemed to be in a much better mood lately. ‘Antidepressants’ was your final answer. 

“I actually don't care what Bucky does. Maybe he’ll get lucky with Steve tonight.” You joked. God you hoped you were joking. 

“Shut up, Y/n. I know somethings going on with you two.” 

“Who two?” Peter inclined striding into your room and flopping onto the bed, his head sitting between you and Wanda as he looked up at her. 

“Y/n and Bucky are doing it.” She indulged him as his face fell. He crawled around so he could look at you dead on, his face contorting into that of disgust. 

“You and- and… Mr. Barnes? No…” He grimaced, shaking his head like he had tasted something sour. 

“No! There is nothing going on between Bucky and I.” you insisted, glaring at Wanda. 

“Don’t listen to her, Peter. She’s a filthy liar. And she’s totally banging Barnes.” Wanda giggled as you shoved her into the pillows. 

“Banging? Oh god no- I’m picturing it… Make it stop!” Peter gagged sarcastically, toppling over onto Wanda as they both fell into a fit of laughter. 

“I don't know why I tolerate you two.” You chuckled, watching your friends writhe on the bed. In a moment of distraction, Peter grabbed you by the wrist and pulled you down on top of him. 

“You know you need us. What would you do, huh? hangout with Steve the ninety year old virgin? And I know you avoid Natasha like the plague because everytime you see her she drags you to the gym… No, no you need us.” Peter smiled, tucking one of his arms under his neck as he shifted onto his back. You laid there on the bed between him and Wanda as you all contemplated that. 

“If I tell you, you have to promise it stays between us. I’m looking at you, Parker. Stark canNOT know about it.” You signed, glaring at him until he nodded. “So… Maybe it's possible Bucky and I might be… I don’t know what you’d even call it… I guess we're trying to…” 

“Is bump nasty’s still a term?” Wanda asked, false innocence in her eyes as she looked at you. Both you and Peter threw your heads back laughing and he elbowed her. 

“That’s awful.” Peter giggled, pointing his finger in his mouth and gagging. 

You spent the next hour explaining what was really going on between you and Bucky. How you were definitely not ‘bumping nasties’ and that it was just pure and new and so, so incredibly hot. 

“You have to go tonight.” Wanda sighed, holding up a little black dress infront of the floor length mirror.

“And do what?” You huffed, falling back on the bed and worrying on your bottom lip. “Bucky basically ran out of the room the moment I brought up the idea of-”

“Bumping Nasties?” Peter piped up, to which Wanda rocketed a pillow at his face, the crimson current sizzling around it. 

“Yeah, that.” You chuckled, letting your face drop in your hands. This was just embarrassing. You’d never been so hung up on a guy before. But then again, Bucky wasn't just some guy. 

“If only you could know what he was thinking…” Wanda smirked, turning on her heel and silently asking Peters approval of the dress. He shrugged in response, gaining a frustrated eye roll from the redhead. 

“Contrary to popular belief, I don’t mean to listen in… It’s an invasion of privacy.” 

“That's never stopped you before.” Peter argued, a goofy smile plastered on his lips. 

“Listen, read his mind- don't read his mind. It doesn't matter. The guy is obviously crazy about you. He’s always so dark and gloomy but lately the guy actually smiles. I heard him laugh the other day,” Wanda smirked, sitting beside you on the bed. “At one of Sam’s jokes.” She finished. 

“Yeah, Y/n. You gotta go. Do it for us. Also because you're the only one who will sneak me booze under the table.” Peter chuckled, his bottom lip wobbling as he pleaded with you. 

“Fine. But only because drunk Peter is the better Peter.” 

Wanda nodded her head in agreeance, grabbing the fabric bag off the bed and throwing it in your lap. “Perfect. Wear this, I picked it out specially for you…”

The thumping sound of music vibrated through the hallway as you tangled yourself in the orange and black tassels hanging from the door. You always liked Halloween as a rule, but Tony’s parties were starting to put a damper on your fun. 

You had thought that Bucky would have met you at your room to escort you to the event. He knew how badly you dreaded going, but he never showed. Maybe you had read him all wrong, you thought. Maybe this was all in your head, piecing together his thoughts into something you wanted to hear rather than the truth. Maybe the dress that Wanda had picked out for you was starting to cut off the circulation to your brain because it was getting harder and harder to think straight… Or was that just the music drowning out your mindless babble. 

“Good evening, beautiful.” Peter hummed from beside you. His presence startled you as you hadn't heard him coming. He held out his arm offering it for you to hold. “Are you going in?” 

The question hung in the air for a moment before you finally nodded your head, swallowing hard and taking his arm. It was moments like this that you were thankful for Peter. Truthfully you knew if he wasn't standing right there you might have ran for your life, bunkering down in your room in a blanket fort. 

“Such a gentleman.” You cooed, resting your head on his shoulder as he walked you into the party. 

“Nah, just a friendly neighborhood spider man. It’s good for my street cred, nothing more.” You brushed you off, pulling you into the buzzing room. 

Voices filled your head, swirling around you as you tried to concentrate on just one. There had to be at least a hundred people here tonight. They crashed over you, swarming in your mind like bees in a hive. It had been forever since you had been in a crowd like this and the anxiety was starting to coarse through your veins. 

“Hey. You're alright.” Peter assured you, pulling you across the room and over to the bar where Sam and Nat sat, laughing at something Tony had said. 

“Well if it isn't the wicked witch of NewYork.” Sam called, pulling you into his chest. “Your shadow is around her somewhere. Probably off staring longingly at Steve.” He chuckled. You rolled your eyes, gnawing at your bottom lip as you scanned the room. Lo and behold, Bucky stood in the corner of the room with Steve, his eyebrows fused into a knot as his friend spoke something you couldn't make out over the booming music. 

“He’s looking more pissy than usual.” Nat snorted, watching you as you gawked at the man. You didn't notice the small smirk that had appeared on her lips as she pieced together your frustration. 

“Nah, that's just his resting face.” Tony quipped, pouring a tall glass of liquor and sliding it across the bar to you. You picked it up, lifting it to your lips and downing it seconds later as you clanked it back on the counter. 

“Keep em’ coming. You guys are loud tonight.” You mumbled, your brain already beginning buzz as you forced your friends on ‘mute’. It was like a constant sit-up, you liked to describe. Eventually your body would cave and their thoughts would rush in, but the alcohol helped numb the ache and kept them at bay. 

With another double in hand, you decided the liquid courage was exactly what you needed to confront the ‘gentleman’ he so eloquently had put. 

As you closed in you noticed Steve elbowing Bucky, altering him of your presence. At the sight of you, his face fell, his eyes darting to the floor. 

“Evening geriatrics.” You chuckled, downing your drink as mustering every fiber in your body to make eye contact with the ethereal man before you. To your dismay, he was staring back, his eyes a violent thunderstorm you were on the verge of losing yourself in. You swallowed hard, clearing your throat and attempting to calm your nerves as you scanned him over. 

“Bucky. You look… Nice.” You choked out. His navy blue dress shirt was tucked neatly into his dark washed jeans, his hair perfectly placed in a way you knew had taken him forever before he was content to leave his room. The idea made you smile, but only for a moment as the sinking feeling crept back into the pit of your stomach. 

“I’ll leave you two, to… Talk.” Steve waved his goodbyes, pulling you into a side hug and whispering in a hushed tone, “Take it easy on him.” 

With that, Steve was gone, leaving you alone and vulnerable. 

“You look incredible.” Bucky hummed, his eyes falling down your form, but his face remained unreadable. 

Don’t just stand there, do something… Apologize… Kiss her… God, just stop staring and- 

“I should apologize- for earlier. I shouldn't have run out on you like that. It won't happen again.” Bucky mumbled, his hands, vibranium and flesh stuffed in his jean pockets. You were caught off guard to say the least. You were ready, guns drawn to defend yourself, but there stood the infamous Winter Soldier, cowering before you like a lost puppy. Your eyes softened as a small smile pulled at the corner of your lips. 

“Why did you leave?” You finally spoke, “I didn't mean to push you… Bucky, rushing is the last thing I wanted to do. If you want to-”

“No!” He blurted. 

“No?” 

“You're not rushing me. Damn, doll. I’m trying my best here, but you're walking around in that dress, with those lips and all I want to do is…” He trailed off, his eyes falling on your best as he worried on his bottom lip. 

“So its my fault?” You gawked. 

“No!” He almost shouted, lowering his voice when he caught a few unwarranted eyes at his tone. “It’s my fault. Y/n, I’m trying so hard to be respectful. I have no idea what I’m doing, I’m completely out of my depth here. This used to be so easy and now… The rules have changed and I can’t keep up and all I know if I want to throw you over my shoulder right now and haul you back to my room and make you mine. I just… It’s just that I’ve never…” 

You gaped at him, caught off guard by his confession as you waited for his next words, but his thoughts broke through the air before he could speak. 

Never used my arm as anything but a means to an end… You’re going to kill her with it… How can she see you as anything but a monster…? Doesn't she know how easy it would be to lose control…? It would take minutes… Seconds… 

“Bucky…” You hummed, your hand resting on his metallic arm as you pulled him from his self destructive thoughts. His eyes pleaded with you, boring into your soul. “Dance with me.” 

He stared at you, opening and shutting his mouth, trying to speak. It wasn't a question, but he nodded anyways, allowing you to pull him into the crowd of people swaying back and forth to the lulling music. 

You took the lead, lifting his metal hand and placing it on your hip. You intertwined your fingers with his flesh hand, stumbling forward as he pulled you in, his strength startling you a little. 

Oh, god…. Be gentle… Don’t break her, you ass. 

You chuckled, resting your head against his chest as you relaxed into his form. His heart beat drawing out the incoherent thoughts around you. You swayed back and forth like that, until Bucky’s breathing returned to normal again. Your hand trailed down from his shoulder to his cool metal fingers. They tightened around your waist at your touch as he stiffened, holding in a breath. 

“I’m not afraid of you…” You hummed against his chest. “That’s what you said to me… ‘I’m not afraid of you.’” You recanted the conversation you had had those weeks ago outside your room. 

“I’m pretty afraid right now.” He admitted, resting his chin on top of your head as he breathed you in. 

“You won’t hurt me, Bucky.” You assured, running your fingers up and down his arm, listing to it whirl as he moved. “See? We’re dancing. You're holding me, and I’m not broken. I’m right here.” 

Gently, you placed your hand on the side of his cheek, meeting his eyes. He swallowed hard, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth as he stared back at you. You would have given anything to kiss him right there, to melt into him and ease his mind like only he did for you. 

“I don't remember how to dance.” He signed, pain dripping from his words. 

“I can teach you.” You smiled into him, the smell of his cologne enveloping your senses. 

“And can you teach me what you like?” He asked, his voice a low gruff in your ear. “Where you crave to be touched, and kissed and moved.” 

His voice sent a shiver down your spine, the hairs on the back of your neck standing as his lips trailed down the shell of your ear. His words sent a heat straight to your core as his breath fanned across your cheek causing a blush to creep up your chest. 

“You have to sneak me out of this party first.” You chuckled, trying (and failing) to steady your rapid heart. 

“Baby, you're hanging with a strained assassin now. Let me teach you a thing or two...” He bragged, his pink lips pulling at the corner of his mouth into a smirk. 

________________________________________________________________

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[tigerdrop]

hey i just wanna say the long posts genuinely make my day. also can you talk more about gordon freeman character because the way you write him makes me quake in my gay little boots

i would love to talk about gordon freeman. thank u for the opportunity

the first thing i need to communicate about gordon is that this dude sucks. and i say this in the fondest way possible. he is a bitch from the moment he drops into the world until the moment he goes out. if you dont believe me, give it another watch! gordons mouthy and rude for no real reason, at least so far as “being a regular dude on his way into work” goes, and this dude goes around calling his coworkers names with zero provocation. (of course, we all know that the reason is because its a funny guy improv stream that borrows a bit from freemans mind, but im talkin from a character sense.)

but my argument isnt just that gordon freeman sucks. its that he sucks in a very specific way that i find insanely endearing. i love this dude. i love to hate him. hes awful in a very mundane sense - weve all known a guy like this, at least if youve spent too much time online - and its cathartic to watch him suffer because of it.

gordons a smart guy. as written, hes gotta be - hes a recent MIT grad, on his way to work at a top-secret research facility to do weird shit with crystals and theoretical physics. but the thing about smart guys is that theyre often......selectively intelligent. we can see this in the way that he has a hard time navigating his surroundings, and needs the science crew to guide him through it and keep him alive.

this is one of those things that is a natural consequence of somebody going through the game for the first time, but that i am interpreting as “gordon is kind of stupid sometimes”. its uncharitable but its not like he doesnt deserve it. he likes to boss around the crew as if he knows what hes doing, when he often very much does not, and is fond of demeaning their intelligence. hes real bad about this with tommy in particular, treating him like hes a kid whos playing at being a scientist when tommy is actually a decade older than him. all i am saying is that gordon ought to stay humble. hes awful cocky when he perceives himself as better than others.

which, i think, tracks with how cocky he gets when he gives up on the whole “well-meaning citizen” thing and just unloads bullets into people. he puts up a front of being a Nice Guy, you know, just some dude caught in a bad situation who doesnt like seeing his companions obliterate every NPC they come across, but that doesnt stop him from cackling like a fucking madman and mowing down aliens (and soldiers) every once in awhile. when he stops seeing himself as helpless and starts seeing himself as the one in control, the gloves come off. he gets mean. and i think thats very sexy of him

this, among other things, is why i am insistent that gordon freeman is a control freak. he desperately wants to be in control of the situation at all times, shepherding around the science crew primarily by bitching at them, but its of limited success. its futile. sisyphean. tommy, coomer, bubby, and benrey exist almost to torment him with exactly the thing that would make him suffer the most: a gaggle of people running around causing problems for him, but he cant go anywhere without them b/c hes reliant on them to make it out alive.

its perpetual suffering, and its cathartic to watch. and funny, too. and if youre a little weirdo like me, its very, very enjoyable. how twisted up he gets when nobodys listening to him! how sweaty and frazzled he must look. its cute, and it also makes me want to reach through the screen and shake him and tell him to just be a little nicer. he wants control but he doesnt know how to attain it, he doesnt know how to play nice like a real leader. i think its a neat contrast to gordon freeman as we know him in HL2, where he literally is the leader of the resistance and has to live up to it. this is gordon freeman but if he was moe through helplessness.

“helpless” is, i think, a great way to describe him. a core bit of imagery in half life is this sense of railroadedness and helplessness, with gordon freeman being put into play like a chess piece and having no choice but to move forward. and this iteration of gordon leans into that by being totally dependent on the science crew in order to make progress and Not Die. and hes also subject to the whims of benrey, local eldritch weirdo who has basically made it his life mission to fuck with gordon.

gordons anxieties dont help with that. if he wasnt so fun to stress out and fuck with, the science crew probably wouldnt do it so much! too bad for him that they like fucking with him so much that he was driven into a panic attack (multiple times, even, depending on your interpretation). hes got that real neurotic mindset. always worrying about shit that could go wrong, and attempting to exert control over his surroundings in an effort to control the anxiety.

IMO the real way to nail the Neurotic Gordon Freeman Experience is to combine the ever-present anxiety with his pervasive sense of self-loathing. he openly states that he has no friends and nobody seems to like him, and to that, i really gotta say, i wonder why. he doesnt really seem to factor in that hes kind of a bitch, and has way too high an estimation of his own intelligence relative to everybody elses. its really one of the worst ways to be: aware that people dont like you, but unaware of exactly why. if he was like, 10% nicer, he probably wouldnt have had half as many issues getting through black mesa, but also, its funny to see him squawking his way through the game. so, you know.

its stuff like that that makes me headcanon him as a dude with low self-esteem in general. convinced that hes not likable, not attractive, out of his element......impostor syndrome, except that theres some truth to it. this is a guy who truly does not realize how good he has it: he really is just an average shitty dude, and yet, somehow, benrey took a shine to him. some poor motherfucker out there actually likes him and wants to suck his dick. thats dedication

also, i keep bringing up “repression” when i talk about gordon. and hopefully, what ive been talking about helps explain why. he has a strong desire to be a regular dude, not just murdering his way through black mesa, but if hes pushed hard enough he leans into it. gets bossy. picks up a cigar off a dead soldier and takes a long drag, before smacking forzen around with a pistol and ordering him around. gordon freeman is a regular, kind of anxious guy who likes competitive swimming and streaming on justin.tv and making anime references, and he is also a guy who takes a filthy pleasure in making a trained soldier his bitch. and i didnt make up any of this shit - this is purestrain canon, baby. this is a guy with problems

to me, this screams the kind of guy who represses a lot of shit b/c he doesnt feel like its morally decent. you run into this guy a lot online: the wokeboy, the online leftist, the guy who spends too much time on social media websites. (like reddit. i think he would actively use reddit and he would never get any appreciable amount of karma but he never stops posting. its sisyphean! cathartic.) from the way he talks about “bootboys”, i think it tracks. he knows about imperialism, he knows about feminism, but at the end of the day hes your average american white dude who struggles with internalizing it.

a lot of those dudes struggle with sex and gender issues. (dont we all.) when youre trying to be a Good Person(tm), you spend a lot of time thinking about your own relationship to sex and kink and all that shit. and i maintain that a too-online dude who buries a lot of his control freak tendencies would also try to bury a lot of weird sexual shit in an attempt to seem Normal and Well-Adjusted and not like a little freak. i justify this by the sheer number of times gordon blurts out weird sex shit as a joke. there are only two outcomes to making that many piss jokes: either youre secretly a piss guy, or you lathe-of-heaven yourself into becoming one. i will stand by this

ive talked a lot about why this dude sucks. now, let me talk to you about what makes gordon so much fun to write. first things first: hes funny! a subjective evaluation, yeah, but both in- and out-of-character, hes aiming to be funny. and being the straight man to everybody else plays into that whole “helplessness” thing.

secondly: underneath it all, there is a good dude under there. gordon worries when his companions get hurt, he tries to clean them off and patch them up, and hes got his lil leftist heart in the right place. you could even read a lot of his bossy, bitchy demeanor as him wanting to make sure everyone gets out okay and doesnt hurt themselves. when it comes to animals and anti-imperialist sentiment, gordons a pretty good guy.

hes the kind of guy who would probably see a dog on the street and get excited and play with it, but would get really prickly about the correct way to put dishes in the dishwasher. control freak tendencies.

finally, subjecting such a miserable, tormented guy to even more psychological anguish is really, really fun. you feel a little bad for him, but he kind of deserves it. so many problems he goes through are purely of his own making, and if gordon would just relax and quit trying to hard to maintain control - of himself, of the people around him - and own up to having Problems and Issues, he would be a happier guy. but thats why its fun to bend him until he breaks. being a little control freak myself, putting gordon freeman thru psychosexual torment is cathartic.

when it comes to writing his thought processes, the fact that he is canonically some kind of psychotic (yes, i am boldly claiming this. suck me) and i am also canonically some kind of psychotic makes it easier to write what i think his thought processes are. i just give him my brain issues of “getting lost in thought” and “overthinking fucking everything”. a touch of paranoia helps. even if i dont explicitly label him as schizophrenic please know that i am writing him as a paranoid little nutcase at all times because, uh, you write what you know.

paranoid. anxious. of the mindset that everyones out to get him (which isnt helpful when everyone is out to get him). repressed and deeply Not Normal but trying so very fucking hard to be normal and well-adjusted. a control freak with sadistic tendencies who also really, really likes getting bullied by his best frenemy. a hapless little nerd who sounds really cute when his voice starts to break from nerves. and, most importantly, a dumb jock. do not ever forget this.

thats gordon freeman, babey. hope that helps

[shhh-no-ones-home]

party planning committee marcus moreno x reader

+++++++++

this is a story in four parts, youll see what i mean when you read it but i wasnt exactly sure how i wanted to do this at first and thats just sort of what i landed on. but i think it kind of works.

He asks for your help to plan missy's birthday party since he still really has no idea how to do the whole girl party thing

Song: island in the sun by weezer

tag list: @cynic-spirit

+++++++++

i moved to knock on the door when i heard a loud crashing sound, startling me. i knocked quickly and loudly after that, waiting for a moment before opening the door.

"marcus?!"

i yelled, looking around the living room.

"missy?"

i asked, stepping further into the house. when i made it to the kitchen i sighed in relief, my hand going to my chest as i saw marcus stood over the sink with a mixing bowl in his hand, a few other stainless steel appliances strewn about.

"marcus?"

i asked lightly and he jumped, looking to me and breathing deeply.

"jesus y/n, you scared me."

he said shaking his head. i walked closer to the counter.

"i knocked but i heard a loud noise and got worried. im just glad to see youre not hurt."

i stated, turning one of the bowls upright. he shook his head.

"well my pride is a little hurt but im glad youre looking out for me."

he said, looking from me to the paper sat on the counter. i furrowed my brows, looking over the island to see what it was. i laughed when i realized he was trying to make a cake.

"marcus what are you doing?"

i asked, picking it up and shaking the flower off of it. he sent me a bashful smile.

"well, i was trying to make a cake for missy's birthday but i guess that ship sailed a while ago."

he said, looking around to the mess he had worked so hard on. i shook my head, waving my hand in the air and everything picking itself back upright, the empty bowls stacking together and the powders on the counter making their way into a pile.

"here, let me help."

°°°°°°°°°

"Okay, now that the cake is done, what else did you need help with?"

I asked, wiping my hands on the kitchen towel and looking to him expectantly. He sighed.

"All of it actually."

He said, shaking his head and walking to the table. I raised a brow and followed him.

"Marcus you make it sound like you've never had a birthday party for missy before."

I said with a laugh and he sent me a look, turning his datapad on.

"I know but I never did any of this, it was always her mom. And last year be both just agreed on no party, just take time to be together instead."

I nodded as I sat beside him.

"I know how much you both miss her, hell I find myself missing her sometimes too. She really was the best part of the team, even without powers."

I lamented, looking to my hands now folded in front of me on the table.

"I just wish things were easier."

He said and I nodded in agreement.

"I'm sure they'll get there, one day at a time. But you gotta work at it, like today. You've already successfully made a cake."

I pointed out and he laughed.

"Yeah, and without your help that probably would've ended very badly."

I laughed too, shaking my head.

"Baking really isn't for everyone."

I said and he side nodded, opening a planning sheet in his tablet.

"You can say that again."

He mumbled, turning it to show me.

"This is what I have so far, and everything she wanted."

He said and I nodded, reading through it.

"This is her twelfth birthday, and she's finally made more friends, thanks to the heroics program. I just want this to be a special one for her."

He said and I sent him a small smile.

"So, did she give you this invite list, or did you make it yourself?"

I asked and he looked at me funny.

"Both?"

He asked and I laughed a little bit.

"Okay, that's good, I guess. Cause it's her party so you want to make sure you're inviting people she likes to talk to and hang out with."

He nodded in understanding.

"Right. I did run it by her but i sent the cards out already, time wasnt really on my side for this one."

He said bashfully and I nodded once.

"thats Okay, it looks like you at least have a theme done. That's good. List of essentials. Oh okay. now let's look at what you have planned."

I scrolled down and stopped, sending him a look. So far he just had 'sleepover?' he let out a nervous laugh, scratching the back of his neck.

"A sleepover?"

I asked and he shrugged, slouching a little defeated.

"Yeah I don't know. It just seemed like a good idea. She used to have them all the time. But again, I never really did any of that stuff."

I nodded, tapping the screen and deleting his idea.

"Here, how about this: a pool party. I know you're a master of the grill, you could invite all the heroic kids and their parents over and have a barbeque. The kids can swim. It'll be a good time."

I suggested and he nodded, a wide smile on his face.

"That actually sounds like a really good idea y/n."

He said and I sent him a knowing smile.

"we can run that by missy too, just to make sure, we only have a few days after all and we need time to notify the guests that weve changed things."

°°°°°°°°°

when the big day finally came i was awoken from my spot on the couch to missy jumping down the stairs excitedly, a wide smile across her face as she dug in the fridge for something for breakfast. i had spent the night to help marcus decorate and was definitely regretting staying up as late as we did.

"morning."

she said in a chipper tone and i offered her a smile as i sat up.

"morning."

i said a little groggy, looking back over to the stairs as marcus trudged down them too, a tired look on his face.

"morning."

he groaned, going straight to the coffee pot and pouring a cup. i laughed a little at him as i stood up, stretching out.

"ready to get cooking?"

i asked, pulling my sweater on. i hadnt expected to sleep over so i was still in the clothes i had worn over. he just sent me a look, missy eating at the table now and nodding quickly.

"why did we make this thing for one oclock again?"

he asked playfully and missy sent him a look.

"youre the one who agreed to the pool party."

she pointed out and he made an 'o' shape with his mouth, making missy and i both laugh as i joined her at the table.

"alright, let me go get dressed and then we will start cooking."

°°°°°°°°°

when the party was finally over and everything was cleaned up i looked to marcus, drying the last of the dishes and putting them away quietly.

"what ya thinking about?"

i asked, leaning into the island and watching him intently. he frowned at me for a second.

"do you think she really had fun today?"

he said, looking over to the couch. after all the guests had left missy had showered and changed, and after having aloe applied generously to her sunburnt face, fell into a deep sleep sitting on the couch. i smiled, remembering what she had said to me earlier when she came in to get a drink.

"well considering she thanked earlier for making her birthday a special one for both of you im gonna go with yes."

i said, him finally smiling back at me as he put the last dish away.

"she really said that?"

he asked and i nodded.

"it was mentioned."

he sent me a look.

"she had said that not only was she having fun, but she was just happy to see you enjoying yourself again too. all the heroics laughing and having a good time next to their kids also having a good time; you really made a difference today."

he shook his head.

"okay, and what about you?"

i raised a brow.

"what about me?"

"did you have a good time today?"

he asked pointedly and i sighed out a laugh.

"yes Marcus, i had a very good time today."

i confirmed and he nodded once.

"good, because i would feel so bad if you hadnt. youve helped me so much here lately, i think you deserve it the most out of all of us."

i shook my head at him amused.

"thanks, but i doubt that."

he swallowed hard, furrowing his brows.

"no no don't say that, you work twice as hard as the rest of us. i just wish you could see that."

i looked to the ceiling for a moment before standing up and stretching.

"well if thats true then i think i deserve some sleep. though it has been fun, it has been one long day."

he nodded once.

"want to stay the night again? you can sleep upstairs in my room tonight if you want, i think missy has kind of taken over your spot."

he said with a laugh.

"i probably shouldnt, i need to get home, i gotta get my mail water my plants, all that jazz."

he watched me with a light gaze as i gathered up my things.

"well, im glad you could come over. and if you want to come back tomorrow for lunch-"

"id love that marcus."

i said and he smiled at me, a small blush visibly rising to his face.

"its a date?"

he asked, walking to the door with me. i thought for a second and nodded.

"yeah, its a date."

i said, his smile getting wider as i stepped outside.

"ill text you what time ill be over."

"ill be waiting."

[not-your-fucking-kacchan]

Jizz in my pants headcanon

In: imagine (you made him cream his pants)

Masterlist<3

Warnings: nsfw, orgasms, that's about it...

Finral

This poor baby

He doesn't know the first thing about whats going down cus it's so out of the blue

He's so clueless that you wonder how someone like him could be so flirty

The common room would be void of anyone but you two

At first you guys would just be chilling out together on the couch, enjoying the day off and reading in peace

So he is understandably confused and a little bit stunned when you climb up onto his lap and his face contorts into a questioning look

"Y/N?"

"Finral?"

"W-What are you --"

You cut him off with a surprise kiss that he easily melts into

As he starts getting into it you would let his hands wander across your body - over your waist, on your hips, down your thighs...

He's too busy tongue-fucking your mouth to object to or even really notice the way your ass is grinding against his pelvis or the way his length steadily grows harder

He'll impulsively start grinding up against you, and it's starting to feel very pleasurable to him

So much so in fact that he lets out these little moans into your mouth

Honestly it's so adorable how he'll so willingly give himself to you sometimes

You keep grinding against him with a bit more fervour than before and by now Finral is letting out pants and grunts of pleasure as he clings to your form on top of him

You didn't quite expect things to come this far but you weren't objecting to what was happening, you thought it was kind of attractive actually

All of a sudden he buries his head in your neck and lets out a shuddery breath as he clings to you, his hips bucking and spasming upwards against you

You can feel the wetness that had soaked straight through the thin fabric of his loose pants, he has came alot but youve gotta say it was really hot

You spend the next 5 minutes coaxing him to get up go to your joint bedroom and clear up

The poor baby is so embarrassed but you spend the next hour or so reassuring him and telling him how hot he was and eventually he gets past it

[liberolove]

Testing the Waters (pt. 1)

Summary: youve finally graduated high school and now youre moving on to college. youve decided to go to sendai university. its summer and youve become curious about checking out the dating pool in miyagi, so you download a dating app. you figure you might as well have fun before delving too deep into your studies

Part: [part one] out of ???

Pairings: nishinoya x reader / kuroo x reader / oikawa x reader / kiyoko x reader

A/N: theres tons of ships here, just me living out my hoe phase lmao please dont judge me. let me know what yall think

Genre: fluff, smut, crack

Warnings: flirting, college shinanigans

even though you decided to stay in your hometown to further your studies, you moved out as soon as you could. your parents were smothering you and you were honestly tired of it. so, you got your own apartment and started to live on your own. everything was fine and easy so far but then you realized how lonely you felt. your friends had moved away to go to other universities, and you were never really good at relationships. the anxiety of not knowing what to do with yourself until classes started was consuming you. to deal with this, you figured you might as well download a dating app. 

“Gotta check out all the hot singles in my area, I guess,” you thought.

it had been a while since your last relationship but you were sure you were ready again. or maybe you could try to find something different. maybe some hookups could be enough to help you during this weird adjustment period. 

you downloaded the app and added whatever details were needed. 

Name: l/n, y/n

Looking for: chat, relationship, hookup, anything

Bio: 

it took you about ten minutes to finally decide on what you wanted to add to your bio. finally, you typed out:

Bio: just another single college student looking for genuine human connections. Interests include watching anime, reading nerdy shit, and getting to know you 

you were never too good at coming up with bios but this should be good enough for now. time to see what kind of fish you could catch..

not even a minute after uploading a picture of yourself, a new message showed up.

Nishinoya Yuu: hey, beautiful! (;

Y/n: oh hi! how are you?

N: doing better now that I’m talking to youuuu. how about your lovely self?

Y: wow someone is really straightforward. I’m doing pretty well rn thanks. what are you up to?

N: just been bored as fuck on here and then BOOM you showed up (:

Y: lol youre silly. so hows the whole dating scene look like on here? any good ones?

N: nah it sucks honestly. But now you’re here so its a million times better!

Y: oh shush lol. does this site really work? like have you actually met someone from here?

N: uhh i actually havent met anyone yet, but ive had some nice conversations so far! ive still got high hopes

Y: have you been on here for a long time?

N: i just downloaded it like two weeks ago? idk but yeah. im hoping that maybe youll be my first??

Y: your first what? haha be more specific

N: OH sorry!! i didnt mean it like that omg. i meant like my first person to meet off of this app lol

Y: i mean if youre not busy right now, we could meet up for a coffee date or something? (cliche right?)

N: ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? like... right now rIGHT NOW?

Y: yeah (: sorry for doing this so fast. you’re just really cute and im bored haha

N: nooooo its fine i swear im just a little shocked. and WOW you think IM CUTE? you should look in the mirror because your gorgeousss *heart eyes emoji*

Y: so its settled? lets meet today at around 1 pm at XXX cafe? 

N: yeah! thats not too far from here! i CANT WAIT

Y: same here (:

as soon as you sent that last message you hopped in the shower and started getting ready. you debated whether to put on makeup or not and then eventually decided to do it. you wore that one red dress that greatly accentuated your butt and your curves. you checked the clock and it was 30 MINUTES UNTIL 1 so you finished up by brushing your hair and adding on a spritz of peach scented perfume. “Hopefully this impresses him.”

the cafe you guys agreed to meet at was only a short walk away from your apartment. you were almost at the cafe when you noticed the time again and it was already 10 MINUTES PAST 1! you were so scared that he thought you stood him up but as you got closer, you noticed a cute boy sitting by himself outside. you stared at his backside for a little, unsure if this was your mystery boy. so you messaged him on the app

Y: heeeey are you the one sitting alone outside with a tan shirt and some ripped black jeans?

your phone lit up with the answer to your question: “yes”

as you looked up again, you noticed the stranger you were staring at had stood up and was looking right into your eyes. once you locked eyes, he grinned the biggest smile you’d ever seen and he chuckled. 

“Hi there!! L/n, right? Nice to meet ya, I’m Nishinoya Yuu. Wow, you’re even more beautiful in person!! Do you want anything from the cafe? I’m buying”

You were kind of shocked by his beautiful smile and his spiky hair. It took you a while to respond as you tried to take in the wonderful sight in front of you. He was simply breath taking. You could tell he was the athletic type by the way his shirt hung onto his broad, toned shoulders. 

“Ummm... L/n? Are you okay? Do you want any coffee or sweets from the cafe?”

“OH, oh my god, I’m so sorry! I got distracted..” you said as you looked away from him, getting redder by the second. you hadn’t even noticed his compliment or the way he kept eyeing you up and down and licking his lips. “Yeah, I’d love to get a coffee, if you don’t mind. Please..”

His eyes snapped back up to yours. “Awesome, I’ll go order inside. You can just sit your pretty little self here while I do that. Don’t run away! I’ll be right back!”

now that you had some time to reflect on what the heck just happened.. you breathed a sigh of relief. You couldn’t believe that he was real and so goddamn gorgeous. His little tuft of blonde hair at the front of his head was so cute and his smile.. goddamn. the way he looked at you.. and his friendly demeanor. it was all so much to take in. you didn’t really know how to react. as soon as you had relaxed, you tensed back up as he came back and sat down with you.

“Here’s your coffee hot and ready just for you, hun”

“Thank you so much Nishinoya” you blushed a bit as your mouth pronounced his name

“Hey, just call me Noya! Or Yuu...”

“On a first name basis already?”

“Only if you want to..”

you giggled as you noticed that he was getting bright pink too. “Okay, Yuu.”

as soon as you said his first name, his eyes lit up and that bright pink hue on his face soon turned into a passionate red

“Soooo..” you said as you tried to break up the silence.. “what do you do? do you go to school?”

“Yeah! I’m going to start going to Sendai University in the fall! I’m going to be playing on the volleyball team! How about you?”

“No way.. I’m gonna go there too! I guess I’ll be seeing you around probably. And wow! Volleyball huh? That’s hot.”

when you said that last part, Noya almost spat out his coffee. you laughed at the look on his face. he was blushing so much he couldn’t keep still. you were almost afraid he would just run away from you and never come back.

He just tried to regain his composure and laughed. “You really got me there oh my god i almost choked. But yeah I can’t wait to play again.”

The rest of the afternoon you guys talked about everything from anime to your favorite season, to your least favorite horror movie. The more you two bonded over common interests, the more he let his wild side out. He became more rambunctious and fiery and this did things to you, to say the least. you checked your phone to check the time and it was already 6:45 pm. You had no clue as to when the sun had started setting, but it didn’t matter because you hadn’t felt this warm fuzzy feeling in your heart in a while. it felt so nice. you didn’t want it to end. but then noya interrupted your thought by saying, 

“Hey, (y/n)..” you two were on a first name basis already and it was just the first date. “it’s getting pretty late and I have to go home and help out my family with some stuff. I hope you don’t mind. Sorry! But we can definitely go out again if you want. i know i sure do..”

“Yes, of course! I totally get it. But first can I get your number?” you look away as you say this because this was the first time you’ve ever asked a guy for their number. 

you two exchange phone numbers and hug goodbye. you let the hug linger for a little longer than you should and plant a quick soft peck on his cheek and say,

“I can’t wait to see you again, Yuu.”

He just smiles and replies, “Me too, Y/n. I’ll see you again soon, babe.”

You freeze up and don’t know what to say as he walks away. you think to yourself, “did he really just call me babe?”

[kyovtani]

ASKS

hey babies! i’ve decided to answer the asks about back to life one and two like this because ive received so so so many and you guys blew me away so answering every single one of them is the least i can do to show you guys just how grateful i am. thank you so much for giving both parts SO much love, i love and appreciate you guys and the support you’re constantly sending my way with my whole entire heart <33

BYE THE FIC IS SO GOOD SO FAR. MY ANXIETY THO FROM THE ENDING, LIKE PLS KYO REALIZE THE MCS ANXIETY PLS DONT GO OUT WITH SORA PLEASE PLEASE HE SEEN HOW SHE DIDNT LOOK OKAY WHEN HE CAME IN PLEASE REALIZE HER ANXIETY PLEASE

– THANK YOU SO SO MUCH BABY !! this was the very first ask about back to life and it’s honestly the cutest thing ever! I hc Kyoutani to be rally understanding of things like anxiety and depression, generally mental health so that’s why it was easy for him to understand the reader’s situation and mindset! 

BACK TO LIFE!!!!!!!! MY HEART!!!!!?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SO GOOD!!!!! i was really excited when you started posting about it!! i can't wait for part 2, i wanna know how they fix this!

AAAH !! thank you so much for the love and support baby!!!! I really hope you enjoyed part 2 just as much, sending you lots of smooches MWAH

OH MY GOD THE KYO FIC IS AMAZING

THANK YOU SO MUCH BABY !!!!! 

OH MY GOD YOUR KYOUTANI FIC HAS ME ACTUALLY FROTHING I LOVE IT SM

IM NOT KIDDING WHEN I SAY THAT MY JAW ACTUALLY DROPPED AT THE LAST COUPLE PARAGRAPHS AS WELL I CANT WAIT FOR PART 2

AAAH YOU GUYS !!! this made me so happy !!! thank you so much and I hope part two met your expectations and you enjoyed the ending MWAH!! 

HOLY FUCK THAT KYOUTANI FIC WHEW IT WAS SO SO GOOD IM SO EXCITED FOR PART 2

thank you for the food <33

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE LOVE AND SUPPORT BABY !!!

YOUR KYOTANI FIC AHHHHHHH my heart can’t handle this

I AM SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED IT BABY !!!

OW THE END ON BACK TO LIFE HURTED THOUGH GDFGHJDFHJRY

Was overwhelmed by the hurty that I forgot to say how much I ADORE your characterization of Kyoutani. fdjkhgjkgdr

THANK YOU SO MUCH !! honestly- that means the world to me, probably the best compliment you can give me :((

Back to life was so good OMG 😳😳 HELLO??? You're amazing

Thank you so much, my love! it honestly is everything to me when you guys tell me such sweet things I love you so much MWAH!!

the new fic did not help me with my insecurities now i’m just frustrated and insecure. great writing tho.

honestly- same. when I wrote this, I lit indulgent every bit of my mind working into this fic and thats why it means so much to me ?? so youre not alone, my love; but thank you so much <33

The way I panicked at the end of the fic thinking there wasn’t gonna be more to it, holy shi that fox was so good I almost cried thinking they were just gonna end things like that 🥺🥺🥺🥺

I’d NEVER end a fic like that- I hate bad endings and cannot stand cliffhangers but the formatting didn't give me another choice im sorry for the heart attack baby kfhflashsj but am glad you liked it!

@au-roraaa said: ZADE I WAS NEVER A KYO FUCKER BUT I THINK YOUVE CONVERTED ME HOLY FUCKSJFJSJDJSN

THIS IS MY JOB AT THIS POINT I WANT YOU ALL TO TURN INTO KYOU FUCKERS KSSSOH 

UR THE BEST WRITER WTF?? WHEN DO U THINK PART TWO WOULD BE UP... and does kyoutani flirt with sora 😣💔

YOU GUYS- NOOO- pls my heart made a loop :(( I love you so much :(( thank you baby and I think now you know what he does with sora MWAH

@kawakuto said: hi hi zade!🤩 (ajdjs idk if you remember me but i moved main blogs and I was @/gukooky before LOL) THE KYOUTANI FIC ANDJWNS I DIDNT EXPECT THE END WAHHHH🥺🥺 it was so well written omg I loved it!! (wtf kyoutani, you said we were going slow what if I wasn’t ready to call u my boyfriend wtffff😔😔 pain.)

AAAAH OFC I DO REMMEBER !! hope youre doing well baby !!! and thank you SO much for your sweet words, I honestly appreciate them so much :((<33

pls I’m in love with your writing. You write kyoutani so well so now I’ll always be grabbing at any crumbs you send my way 🥵

thank you so so so much baby!!!! these kinda words always hit me right at the heart, I appreciate them so much and I love you sm much

bb i love ur kyoutani fic sm :(( ur rlly so talented <33 i look forward to pt 2 ^3^

thank you so much baby, sending a smooch your way mwah 

zade that kyoutani piece im in so much pain why would u do this to me 💔💔💔💔

believe me when I say It hurt me even more than you </3

I just finished reading part 2 and it waS SO GOODAJSFHJLFG you did amazing!! (n˘v˘•)¬

THANK YOU SO MUCH BABY !!!

Hi! New nonnie coming through :) First time I'm writing something because I'm such a nervous wreck but I just had to

THE FIC WAS SO GOOD THE VIBES ARE CHEFS KISS. IT WAS SO GOOD I LITERALLY DROOLED I CAN NOT GET OVER IT !

Mister kyotani pls rail me thanks 🐱

THANK YOU AAAH YOURE SO CUTE !!! I truly appreciate this with my whole entire heart so thank you so much baby, hope you have a good one mwah

Wait did he do anything with Sora?

nope!! they just went to the party together but in my mind he didn’t even hug her and she didn’t try anything else, too, simply bc she knew how in love he is with reader!!

YOUR MINDDDDD!! THE KYOU FIC WAS SOOOO GOOOD!! Omg i hope you do a part 3 😭😭

i have a Little sequel which is really really soft but I'd love to write some more for it! 

@soranihimawari said: Part 1 & 2 with kyoutani was amazing as always Zade! I really liked the ending. This was such a fun read. I was wondering who’s else would be sharing the apartment with Kyoutani. What made you choose tattoo artist Iwa & Oikawa? Those two made me chuckle with the way they came in like that. Hope you have a great day/evening/late night/etc.

✌🏼&💜

—sora—

aaah thank you so so much, baby!! I truly appreciate your sweet words, youre the cutest! regarding your question: You shares an apartment with Iwa, Oikawa and Yahaba (who also works at the tattoo studio!) and i don't know to be really honest- I just like the thought of these three being really good friends so after contemplating whether or not to go with iwaoi or matsuhana, I ended up going with those two dorks! hope you have a good one baby mwah!!

@sakusapetals said: PLEASEE I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCH

AAAH THANK YOU SO SO MUCH BABY !!! I LOVE YOU SM 

How long did it take you to write the entire two parts? Like wow that’s alot👁👄👁 i adore long fics though

oooh- hm ?? tbh i don't really know ?? I can’t remember ?? I think it took me about a month or like three weeks since I did write it all in one go yk? it was the only WIP I worked on during that time and it felt SO relieving to publish it! 

AAAHHH the kyou fic was a masterpiece bb!!! ❤️❤️

thank you so so so much baby!!<33

U LITERLALT WRIYE KYOU THE BEST ABSOLUTE BEST. he’s so aggressive and demanding but he still is willing to show someone special his vulnerability. I LOVE READING STUFF ABOUT HIM FROM U

AAAAH thank you so much- you guys have no idea how much these kinda comments mean to me- I love you so MUCH MWAH 

I just read the first part of "back to life" an it had me speechless so many times, almost cried at the end, it's honestly so well written. I'm off to read part two. Have a nice day 🐰

sdoalfsla thank you so much baby! I hope you enjoyed both parts equally as much and thank you for all the love mwah!!<3

Hana is a baddie

SHE IS!! she’s literally the baddest bitch to ever exist ft. saeko ofc but nobody acknowledges it </3

@tonhwa said: I’m in love with the way you write kyoutani pls. Even your previous fics on your old account ( if you don’t mind me mentioning it ) are so fucking amazing. GOSH YOU CHARACTERIZE HIM SO WELL AND THE PLOT IS ALWAYS SO JUICY AND INTERESTING I CANT HELP BUT GO BACK AND READ IT. and then you release this fucking wonderful piece and I feel like it’s my birthday even though it’s already passed LOL ty ily have a wonderful day I’m sobbing tears of happiness

YOU GUYS PLEASE- the fact this made me tear up when I first read it- thank you SO much honestly. knowing you guys enjoy my characterization of my favorite character is honestly everything to me so thank you sm I love you baby have a good one!!<3

I’ve been on this app from high school, and now I’m a college grad. I have to say I’ve never sent a message to anyone I’ve followed. But that tattoo artist! Kyou fic, part 1 and 2 are 😩💕 *chefs kiss* you are one of my favorite writers I’ve ever followed since joining this app. You NEVER disappoint!

-💕 a very satisfied reader

thank you so much baby!! aaah this is honestly so so sweet :(( thank you for taking the time out of your day to send me such a sweet thing, I appreciate it and you so much mwah!!

i gotta say babe THANK YOU FOR THE KYOTANI CONTENT!! muAAAAHH💞💞

NOO THANK YOU GUYS FOR GIVING IT SO MUCH LOVE MWAH!!!

i love kyoutani and he obvs deserves his dick sucked 🤧🤧 but i catch him posting up with other girls I DONT CARE THE SITUATION he gonna catch these hands for a real one 👊🏼👆🏼🤜🏼🥊🥊 kidding 😐😐😐 he’d body me

pls the way this had me chuckling like crazy bc same sajlskjpw he can get mad all he want but he better stay his pretty ass where he is- by my side  😌

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 92

[Date: 17/03, 07:42 PM GMT - 17/03, 09:29 PM GMT]

jayyyyyyyy: “fetch, come on, cant you see this isnt doing anything to help?

just take the damn ointment”

Little-K1ng: “he... what?”

Marcus: “I back read a little bit”

Marcus: “Just not here”

fetch: “fine. you want me to be honest huh. go on look at the fucking doc. just another place where my problems turned into everyone else's.”

Little-K1ng: fetch.... you really, really need to stop lying to me. im doing my best here, im trying so hard to let things slide in the name of giving you what you need. but you are far from making it easy on me”

fetch: “we're gonna forget all this happened in 3 days time anyway. it doesn't fucking matter what i tell you or what i dont.”

Little-K1ng: “you get angry when you're stressed, you stop responding, you stop listening to reason

but-.. wait, whats going to happen in 3 days?”

Maxwell: “....prince told us that faer family is coming back in 3 days”

fetch: “the beginning of spring.”

Maxwell: “spring officially begins then”

jayyyyyyyy: “we'll get you guys back, if you somehow go back in the first place”

Little-K1ng: “so.... so i get warning, this time,

thats.... almost too cruel”

fetch: “whatever. i honestly can't be asked to care at this point.”

Marcus: “You’d really say that to Mona of all people?”

Little-K1ng: “i..... i wouldnt ask that of you”

Marcus: “...three days huh”

Little-K1ng: “i would simply fucking EXPECT IT FROM YOU. HOW THE FUCK. AM I MEANT TO FEEL. WHEN I CANT STOP GRIEVING SOMEONE. WHOS RIGHT IN FUCKING FRONT OF ME, FETCH?”

donti (e): “... mona u alright...?”

Marcus: “Is that really a question you’re asking right now?”

donti (e): “ah.. sorry.”

jayyyyyyyy: “honestly at this point im willing to chuck a bucket of weedkiller at fetch's head”

Marcus: “Jeight.”

donti (e): “hey hey lets not get hastyy”

Little-K1ng: “i... [huff] i .... [sniff] i just.. i shouldnt have yelled i....”

Marcus: “This isn’t helping”

fetch: “i... you're expecting too much from me. i mean. you expect me to care at this point? when death is coming to our door and all we can do is throw on a little sprinkler? when all we can do is sit in a huddle and wait until these vines in our skulls fully bloom?”

donti (e): “... we discussed possible solutions to the buds if you.. want to change subject.. or not”

jayyyyyyyy: “fetch, the thing about this is that we have a fighting chance

we lose that chance if you stop fighting”

Little-K1ng: “im expecting you to fucking try, fetch. im expecting you to understand that we're all going through this, and every time you lie to me, to us, you cost us more time we could have spent trying to fix it”

fetch: “how would it help, by piling on more and more to the shitheap we have already? you're not supposed to worry about me. ive always been able to handle myself.”

Maxwell: “please ⌇⏁⍜⌿arguing....why are we arguing.....”

Marcus: “..”

Void: “...”

Little-K1ng: “wh... what did you just...?”

Maxwell: “....what....”

fetch: “...”

Maxwell: “why are...”

Marcus: “Max..”

Maxwell: “why are you staring at me what”

Marcus: “Can you say what you just said again”

Little-K1ng: “that sounded like...”

donti (e): “max...”

Little-K1ng: “say that again, max”

Marcus: “Please”

jayyyyyyyy: “actually maybe dont”

Marcus: “Max say it again”

jayyyyyyyy: “that. i think fighting is causing the process to speed up”

Maxwell: “please stop arguing....why are we arguing.....?”

Little-K1ng: “i... thats not what i heard”

donti (e): “... lets stop arguing”

Marcus: “That’s..that’s what I thought you said

You just

Didn’t say it like that”

Maxwell: “but i did”

fetch: “...yall still think I need to be priority right now?”

Maxwell: “thats what i said”

jayyyyyyyy: “you, uh, said "stop" in enderspeak”

Maxwell: “what no i didnt”

Marcus: “Fetch. This is going to be you so kindly shut the fuck up about not being a priority”

Little-K1ng: “fetch, you fail to recognize that you're always my priority, even if you're kind of an ass”

Marcus: “Max it’s okay

I told you it would be okay”

Little-K1ng: “max, hug?”

Maxwell: “why....why are you all acting so weird?”

Little-K1ng: “its alright, max”

jayyyyyyyy: “we're all just stressed mate”

Maxwell: “are yall okay?”

donti (e): “weere fine its fine..”

Maxwell: “its?

look im not a child you can tell me whats going on”

Marcus: “We told you”

fetch: “you spoke in ender.”

Marcus: “You denied it”

donti (e): “you spoke ender.”

Maxwell: “you....youre kidding right?”

jayyyyyyyy: “nope”

Maxwell: “ha funny joke”

jayyyyyyyy: “we're not joking”

fetch: “for once im not lying.”

Marcus: “You told us to tell you.

We told you.”

Little-K1ng: “here, come in for a hug, wont you?”

Maxwell: “no no no no no”

Little-K1ng: “ive got you, max”

Maxwell: “i couldnt have no”

jayyyyyyyy: “hold on, hes panicking”

Little-K1ng: “its the stress, max

its alright, im here”

jayyyyyyyy: “mona, give him a little space”

Maxwell: “no no no stay please”

jayyyyyyyy: “i never said for anyone to leave

are you okay with being given hugs, or would you rather not?”

Maxwell: “im okay with it”

LLyr: “they’ve kind of established max likes the contact at this point i think”

jayyyyyyyy: “yeah, but you can never be too careful”

LLyr: “fair enough”

Little-K1ng: “i appreciate the concern for max, jayx8″

fetch: “I. i would offer a hug but I'm not feeling up to it. i think I'm just gonna go for a walk.”

jayyyyyyyy: “its

Little-K1ng: “fetch...”

jayyyyyyyy: “​hm”

Maxwell: “i dont wanna go back no no please no”

Little-K1ng: “i would rather you not go out where the court roams

you got in one good bite, let it be enough”

fetch: “i'll stick nearby.

i just need to get out of the house.”

Little-K1ng: “stay where you can see the road, alright? text me if you need a pickup”

jayyyyyyyy: “stay near the neighborhood. go to the mineshaft if you need to”

fetch: “yeah. got it. later.”

Maxwell: “I'm scared”

donti (e): “...”

Little-K1ng: “oh, max...”

Maxwell: “oh no oh god oh merde”

donti (e): “sh shsshshh max its fine.

calm down its alright.”

Little-K1ng: “tell you what, we can destress with some hot cocoa? with the tiny colorful marshmallows you like?”

Marcus: “I can go make it

I don’t think max wants to be alone right now”

jayyyyyyyy: “maybe watch some movies? ones that uh, dont have kidnapping in them, too. moana would be good?”

Little-K1ng: “i dont actually.. own any movies

i dont watch them”

donti (e): “youtube videos ?”

Little-K1ng: “that works”

[They watch a video of an otter for a while, and discuss the events from earlier this day. Max thinks that the wreathe mayn’t be as bad as everyone thinks it’ll be, as it will have calendula marigolds which are good for helping to heal.]

Little-K1ng: “....ah.. they are, but maybe..... nah, nevermind.... ill let you enjoy the thought”

Maxwell: “they may be fully metal but still...maybe then can help the family....”

Marcus: “...”

Little-K1ng: “.........”

Maxwell: “what?”

Marcus: “..yeah max, that’s a nice thought”

Maxwell: “i thought so too!”

Little-K1ng: “i cant believe.... im staring down the barrel of either losing all 3 of you... or going with you and not remembering any of this... that hurts, and it hasnt even happened yet”

Marcus: “Well

I don’t know if this will comfort you or not

But you might not entirely forget this”

Little-K1ng: “true! this is honestly the happiest thing to happen to me in an incredibly long time, there is a chance itll stick”

Marcus: “Baron and Prince remember their childhoods a little bit”

Maxwell: “stick...sticky...ha honey is sticky but not good

tastes yucky”

Marcus: “...I remembered Elizabeth and I learning codes

....max?”

Maxwell: “hm?

something wrong?”

Marcus: “What was that about honey just now?”

Maxwell: “oh!

well mona said stick

and stick is one letter off from sticky!

and hony is really sticky

but i dont like honey”

Marcus: “...got it

Maxwell: “bleh”

Marcus: “Okay yeah that

That makes sense”

Maxwell: “yeah!”

Little-K1ng: “i wish i hadnt snapped at fetch like that... maybe when he comes back i can give him a proper apology”

Maxwell: “hm perhaps that would be good

family should get along”

[this message was deleted shortly afterwards]

Marcus: “....”

Little-K1ng: “i...?”

Maxwell: “what?”

Marcus: “M..ax?”

Little-K1ng: “max?”

Maxwell: “god damn it did i speak fucking ender again or some shit???”

Marcus: “N..no”

Little-K1ng: “n..no.....”

Maxwell: “the fuck happened then? yall look freaked out”

Marcus: “Um”

Little-K1ng: “nevermind! :)!!”

Maxwell: “hm.....if youre sure...”

Marcus: “I must be tired, it’s fine Max! :)”

Maxwell: “youve been sleeping a lot man you sure?”

Marcus: “Yeah, gotta be tired to sleep a lot right”

Maxwell: “I guess”

Little-K1ng: “are you guys...... hungry?”

[The conversation switches to the topic of making brownies and other baked goods. There was also small talk about methods of removing the growing wreathe buds that had been suggested earlier in the day. Mona suggests cutting one of the buds off, if Max could handle it. Jack and Marcus argue over their priorities: their concern for Max and their family respectively. After snipping off a small part of the buds, the following conversation ensures:]

Marcus: “...he’s not bleeding”

donti (e): “can you guys take a look at what mona cut off?”

emuhlee: “well, that part is good?”

Maxwell: “theres some time of fucking liquid ow”

Marcus: “It looks like that...cellulose that comes out of dandelions”

Little-K1ng: “Hhhhhhhhh”

Marcus: “Mona?

donti (e): “is max alright??”

Marcus: “Uh..in pain?”

dreaming: “uh get a towel?”

Marcus: “It’s not a lot”

Maxwell: “that really hurt jesus fucking christ”

Marcus: “Have you never picked a dandelion?

It’s like that”

Little-K1ng: “That's kinda. Gross”

Jack the Observer: “it's not blood though, right?”

Maxwell: “my headache is much worse....”

Little-K1ng: “No not blood”

Marcus: “It’s..

Huh”

donti (e): “blood substitute?”

Marcus: “It stopped”

Jack the Observer: “huh.”

Marcus: “......”

donti (e): “hey what happened to the bud”

Marcus: “Mona

Mona look”

Marcus: “Mona there’s two more”

Maxwell: “God damn it is this fucking Hercules or some shit”

Jack the Observer: “pft”

donti (e): “well.

we can at least look at the bud that was cut off.”

Marcus: “It’s just sitting there”

[The conclusion from this experiment was that the buds have nerve endings, which is why it hurt Maxwell and worsened his headache when it was cut, even after being numbed with ice prior to cutting. People ask about Fetch’s whereabouts. This was his last known update to the document:]

[With this information, people begin to speculate that Fetch might not be back for a while…]

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Nightmare

Warnings- Non Con situation, involved around Y/N dealing with aftermath of Survival. Sensitive subject. Personally I just felt like Y/N trauma needed to be told. 

Im hesitant to add tags, but I will, can choose to read or not. 

Word Count- 2413

Would it ever end?

You laid there limp as the beast of a man rutted into you, his breath hot and sour washing over your face and you could imagine it tangling in your hair, never to escape the feel of it huffing from him. His hands pawing at you, rough bruising grasps and sharp stings to constantly bring you back to attention on him, not even giving you the freedom to loose yourself in your mind. “Your such a good fuck” He grunted out, the face looming above you greedily taking it all in. Dirty, you felt ruined at this point and no longer tried to fight it. Oh you did at first, but there sheer size and overall health made them stronger, and knowing that they had nothing to fear, there viciousness in what they could do was unbound. In hours they broke you all over, you knew your nose and possibly cheek bone was busted, marks covering your body, and mentally, well that shattered last. After they told you how Curtis was basically alone and they been toying with him.

"You really think hes coming back Doll, dontcha?" He leaned in close to your face, trying to catch your lips as you turn your head away.

"Awww Sid, this little cunt here dont know no better. We be keeping tabs on you tail enders. Easy to pay for information back here." Your gut sank, cause people were desperate enough, it would be easy.

"He ain't getting there darling." His fingers grabbed your chin to make you look at him, drive his point home. "He will be dragged back here and bullet between his eyes. Way it always been. Now, you gonna be my sweet lil hunny, or we gotta keep breaking you in?"

Someone end it please.

Finally he got off you, his hand planting against your chest to leverage, his weight made all the air rush out and make you gasp "awww I knew you liked that baby by all those little noises" he laughed and twisted your hip enough to spank your ass "best youve ever had, I can tell." Tucking himself away, he left you alone and for a moment your just quiet, but the shock wears off and a sob breaks, making you roll to your side and pull up your legs, your body racked with pain. Fuck you needed it to end.

Laying in the middle of the aisle, you prayed one of the survivors of the most recent massacre got the children away, they unfortunately had to witness the execution style killings, you didnt want this atop of it. Moments later you felt a pair of hands grasp your coat and you flinch.

"Y/N, ssh its just Sara." The woman crooned and you tipped your head to look at her.

"Hide, get out of sight or else... " it was a dangerous time to be a survivor.

"I will, I cant leave you here for when they come back, your bunk isn't far. Out of sight, out of mind right?" She pushed on you to get you to move, and unsteadily you pull yourself up. It wasnt that far. And if this was gonna be it, you might as well be where you were happiest. Together you shuffled down the aisle. Looking up, the climb seemed so much longer then usual and Sara glanced up to what you were looking at. "What about Edgars bunk?"

"No, I can make it.... I want to be home." Your voice had a hint of a plea, and she nodded.

"Okay, brace your foot there and I will help push you up."

After a few moments, you rolled into yours, and hearing someone clamping up the aisle, Sara disappeared from sight. Please keep going, please keep going.... You got lucky, they didn't stop.

Laying in the bunk, you roll to your back to look up, it was familiar. You could feel yourself slightly loosening, letting the pain creep in slowly. First it was the physical, your fingers lightly probing your face and wincing at even the slightest touch. Your fingers came back sticky, blood. You thought it had dried but the cut must have reopened.

Touches flowed down your body and you sobbed, trying to muffle with your sleeve over your face. What were you going to do? You didnt want to tell Curtis. Fuck, Curtis, was he even still alive? If he wasn't, it would end you. Your brother was taken, your parents executed... Curtis was whom you had left.

In this moment you couldnt help but be mad he wasn't here, scared that he might not come back, and shock settling in due to the past 6 hours? 12 hours? You had no idea how long its been anymore.You lost track when they lined up the car with the people to be executed, one by one they crumbled. You had seen it before once, but all that followed. Tears started blurring your vision and you twisted to your side, tucking your legs in against your stomach, small, fetal, can you disappear if you try hard enough?

Lifting your gaze, one of Curtis coats was nearby and you reached to grasp it. Dragging it over yourself, you tuck yourself tighter, able to hide yourself under it entirely.

It was familiar, the scent enclosed you, the slight scratchy wool rough against your cheek, you didn't care about the pain. Rubbing your face in it, feeling it dry your tears. The weight of it, almost like Curtis was right there.

Hand splaying against your stomach "I got you baby, it was just a nightmare." Warmth against your back and the feeling of his beard scratching lightly against your neck, whispering to you. "Can you tell me Babygirl?"

The silence stretched out the seconds. You wanted to, but your words were lost. He didnt push yet, kissing your shoulder. His fingers sought out your skin underneath, rubbing gently along your hip, then along your ribs. It was gentle and calming, you finally loosened enough to speak.

"Same as always, going through the cars to find Matt. But can never find him. I cant ever find him." Twisting to face him, he tugs you in against him, hiding your face against his chest, his arms tightened instinctively around you. "The worst is I just don't know. If hes dead, then hes gone." Your voice cracks, guilt seeping in your tone, muffled in his shirt. "But what if Matt's alive Curtis? And he is waiting for me. All this time waiting..." Drifting off, he leans back slightly and looks down at you, right now you look so small in his arms.

"Y/N, babygirl you did all you could that day. Wilford plays god for now and takes what he wants. But it won't always be that way. Matt won't hold it against you that your trapped here"

Silent you listen and nod against his chest, he turned and laid on his back, letting you get comfortable again, you knew he was right. There really wasnt anything more to be done that day.

You smiled slightly at the memory, albiet sad it still was one you fell back on. It blossomed an ache of familiarity in your chest, always taking care of someone he was.

You were currently trying to wash dirty rags for the sick bay your parents managed, a few bunks set aside for when people shouldnt be in the general population. Wringing the rags out, you couldnt help but hear a little girl somewhere in the shadows sniffling. Before you could go find her to see if she was okay, Curtis had heard her as well. You simply watched, this was the first time you have seen him interact with the children since what had happened in the beginning, normally he tried to avoid them, as well as there parents urging there children to stay away from well everyone. 

“Hey, why you crying?” He moved to slide down onto the floor, sitting next to the little girl, holding something in her lap.

“My dolly broke, and I cant fix her.” She held up a barbie doll that had seen better days. Its hair was matted, scuffed and the normal tan looking doll was almost black. She was a well loved toy though, so few and far between, it was probably one of the few still existing on the last car. Curtis reached for the doll and the arm that had popped off. 

“Well now lets see what we can do.” He studied it a moment, his brows coming together in concentration, and the little girl shuffled in closer, watching his hands work on the arm just as closely as he was, her tears catching just enough light to sparkle as the remainder got caught in her lashes, all but forgotten now. Suddenly there was a triumphant grin, and a squeal of happiness from the girl as she sprang up, holding out her hands to retrieve her doll joyfully. 

“You did it! You fixed her!” She lunged to hug him and ran off, calling a name you didnt catch. Curtis just watched her dissapear. You step out from where you had been watching, hands to hips, grinning.

“Well arnt you a hero.” 

Catching him by surprise, a bit of pink rising to his face and he pushed up off the floor, scowling a bit. “It was nothing” 

“Uh huh, tell that to her.”

He gave a shrug and tried to change the subject. You let him, but you certainly werent going to forget it. 

Sighing to yourself, you stretch your legs out a bit, wincing at the stiffness and aches settling in your thighs. It had grown quiet in the car, sometimes a broken sob broke from somewhere, and you covered your ears for now to block it out. 

It was one of those rare times they held a meeting outside of Gilliams section, McGregor laying out his idea of getting out of the last car. You were hiding in one of the bunks, just watching the men and women hash out there ideas, your father planning on going to help with the wounded along the way “We will bring up the back, my wife and I so just leave them there. We can have survivors patched up and brought back.” 

“We will set you up a team for that, now we need people who can follow me in the charge, just know...” The man looked around the group. “This will be the worst casualties. They out weapon us on every level. All we have is surprise.” 

There were mummers of concerns and volunteers, and much to your worry and not so much surprise, you heard Curtis voice ring out. “Let me in the front, Im one of the strongest you got” 

Leave it to him to be ready to sacrifice himself. 

Later you caught up with him, tugging on his coat. “Curtis, you dont have to do that, go with McGregor. You can help us with the injured.” Maybe your fear was making you ask the impossible, cause his glance at you told you what you already knew. There was no way he would be staying behind. 

“I have to Y/N, theres already not many who can and if we have a shot at getting out of this car, we have to take it. Regardless of the casualties.” He simply stated. His next words still hurt thinking about them. “Besides, I have alot to make up for, this is the least I can do.” 

And there it was, that guilt he carried with him. It ate at all the good he ever did, and not even if you screamed it at him, would he ever forgive himself. Youve caught him, when he didnt think anyone was paying him any mind look at any of you like he didnt deserve you all, You, Tonya, Edgar, Gilliam.... That he was a man who it would all be taken away at any moment, cause of his past. “Curtis it was so long ago, no one blames you for it, hell we all would be guilty.” 

“It wasnt that long ago Y/N” And that was it, he was done talking. 

Dropping your hands from your hands, you listen and there it is, thump thump thump, echoing footsteps seeking the bunks. It would only be a matter of time before they came to yours. You scootch over by the wall, keeping the jacket over yourself and fisting it in your hands, unwilling to loosen your grip on it. 

It was so dark, you couldnt see him over you, but you could feel him. Every brush of his hand gentle as they brought you back down, his lips covering your neck with a groan before he sank over you, smothering you for the moment, and made you feel protected, safe, cherished. You loved the feeling of his weight pinning you in place, and if he wanted to stay like that, You would have happily done so. But all to soon he shifted to the side, not wanting to hurt you being pinned underneath and you roll in against him, not wanting to loose that contact. 

When you moved back against him, his hand moved into your hair, tangling his fingers in the strands, he always loved the softness, the feeling of it. Claimed it was the softest thing he had felt in years and would run his fingers through it till long after youve fallen asleep. 

“I love you Y/N” 

“I love you to Curtis” Kissing his neck as you press in close and a smile is pressed to his jawline, you two had just started really saying it and it still gave you the flutters hearing it. 

The footsteps stop and you can hear your curtain being ripped from where it was hanging. Seconds, it was all you had left before Curtis coat was ripped off from your shaking body, no matter how tight your grip was. “Ahhh, there you are! was wondering where you done crawled off to.” There was no where else to go, and a hand twisted in your hair, dragging you to fall out of your bunk, landing on your back with a wink knocking thump, leaving you gasping to try and breath again. No! your mind screams, but again your left without a way to escape. 

All you can do is fall back into your memories as much as possible. 

@jtargaryen18​ @curtisbbq​

@what-is-your-plan-today​

[glass-crayon]

Finally, a sequel: Me, an Orthodox Jew with 12+ years of Day School Education and a healthy sense of humor, explains the Haggadah

Kadesh: depending on whether it’s the first night or the second night, you’re either super hyped or thinking “Please god let this one not last till 1 am”. You drink your first cup of wine (or grape juice if you’re a lil wimp- actually who am I to talk I get drunk on Bartenurah) and get a healthy level of tipsy. 

Urchatz: The first sign that tonight is not, indeed, like all other nights. You feel like a king/queen when you get your mom to wash your hands for you, because yasss, peasants. Clean my hands. I should not have to pick up this shmucky cup by myself, that is below me.

Karpas: Now, at this time of night I am, let me tell you, STARVING. I think this step was invented sorely to torment us, because I can survive without eating anything for hours with no problem, but as soon as you open those floodgates by letting in a tiny piece of slightly salty potato, lemme tell you, it is torture. But it is a mitzvah I guess so whatever. ooh also the background behind this one is fun- why do we do it? So the children will ask! What a Jewish answer. I love it.

Maggid: This step’s length solely depends on whether you live alone and can speed read Hebrew on your own, or you live in a house with lots of children who all a) have a dvar torah on every phrase and b) need to be constantly entertained. If you’re lucky like me, you get both!!! This step features-

extremely loud, hyper children who suddenly get stage fright and hold up the seder for 10 minutes while you try to coerce them into mumbling the mah nishtana

One of my favorite passages, about Rabbi Eliezer ben azaryah from the talmud who woke up one morning to find out that BAM he looked like a 70 year old man (with beard to match!) because he was extremely well educated. There is something utterly hilarous about a Rabbi going ful Fred and George in the goblet of fire with no warning whatsoever.

The whole sons thing, which is where I personally think JK Rowling got the Harry Potter houses. Don’t believe me? Watch: 

Chacham: Ravenclaw

Rasha: Slytherin

Tam: Has to be Gryffindor. Theyre so goddarn stupid

SheEino Yodea Lishol: Hufflepuff- i have an immense hatred for Hufflepuff so here it is. You’re all babies who don’t even merit to understand why you went out of Egypt. bam roasted.

Vayehi SheAmda: I cannot get through this without invariably thinking of that one Mark Twain passage. GO JEWS!!

Then, we enter a section of maggid I like to call: We just said this passuk but now let’s be rashi and go into detail on every word. Need I say more?

Now, let’s talk about how funny the concept of spilling out a little bit of wine is for every plague. First of all, where the heck does it come from. Why? It makes no sense. Who looked around the table and thought the way to pay tribute to the miraculous plagues was to dip your grimy finger that’s been flipping through pages of a 20 year old hagaddah and drop it onto a plate? I just wanna talk.

And what about that whole section afterwards that’s basically just RABBI SHOWDOWN. Oh you think you know how many plagues there were? did you count the ones at the sea? What about accounting for the finger instead of the hand? Idiots.

K now onto Dayenu. This whole thing is also ridiculous because some of the stanzas don’t even make sense. It would have been enough to leave you by the sea but not split it? Um no then you would be attacked by the Egyptians. And splitting it but not leading you through it on dry land? helloooooo this is ancient times in the desert. They don’t know how to swim. Extra props to Nachshon now that I’m thinking about it because as far as he knew, he just drowned himself.

andddd finally maggid concludes with the second cup! Just so you can get a lil bit full before giving yourself major matzah constipation.

Rachtzah: Normal hand washing with a bracha but with that nice princely element of not having to pick up the cup yourself again.

Motzi/Matzah: Time to take that empty stomach and stuff it with burnt, crumbly and messy cardboard! This one sucks because it’s like, oh, only an egg’s worth? No problem! (This step is exacerbated by the fact that you gotta stuff it in your mouth in 2 minutes like it’s the end of the world- that’s why super religious guys full on chipmunk their pieces.) AND THEN YOU FIND OUT THAT’S IN WEIGHT AND YOU HAVE TO EAT A FULL SHEET OF PAPERS WORTH. and all of the sudden it’s a freaking olympics race to consume that against the ticking clocks.

Maror: Oh, you’re full? Too bad! Have some bitter lettuce (or, if you have a truly psycho family, horseradish. I pray for yall). You don’t even taste the charoses. It’s disgraceful

Korech: What’s that? You really can’t eat anymore? Time for the worst sandwich you’ll have all year! Consisting of this is definitely not bread and more bitter lettuce! (Seriously tho, this would have slapped in the times of the temple when there was lamb in the middle.)

The backstory behind this step is also hilarious. Everyone agreed you had to eat Pesach, matzah, and maror seperate except for renowned sage hillel, who thought you had to eat it in a sandwich. He was clearly wrong, but everyone just went “whatever, we’ll do both I guess, for your honor”. Freaking awesome- just imagine being so famous that people do stuff even though youre wrong.

Shulchan Orech: THE MEAL AT LONG LAST.

Tzafun: Oh now you really can’t take another bite? Have another half-sheet of papers worth of matzah that youve gotta compete against the clock for again. But no! Not so fast! First you have to find it. :) We love the rabbis! This step is another excuse for spoiled children who are somehow still awake at 12 am to demand presents.

Barech: Ya bentch. Not much to it. 

BUT, at the end you do the absolutely wonderful paragraph of shfoch chamatcha with your third cup of wine. What is that, you ask? Well, it translates to an extremely hostile call to god to annihilate the other nations, which you have to say with your front door open. Now, my family takes this a step further, because we’re psychopaths. We full out yell it on our porch for all of our non Jewish neighbors to hear, and be undoubtedly terrified. This year cuz of quarantine absolutely nobody was outside, so when my brother yelled it, you could hear it echoing from hundreds of feet away across the street. It was SPLENDID and we fully thought wed be arrested.

Third cup- all alcohol is disgusting and I hate life.

Hallel: Pretty standard, until you get up to what is usually the last bracha and find out nope they put in an extra 600 word paragraph as a treat! Did I mention I love the rabbis? What sadistic monsters thought this up?

And don’t forget the fourth cup so you can become sufficiently tired of grape juice that’s been sitting out for 4 hours!

Nirtzah: I can see the finish line. Now, my family has more fun traditions including saying the first long stanza (may it be “It came to pass at midnight” or “this is the feast of passover”) in spooky voices to spice stuff up because we all TIRED. 

Then, we enter a stage called I speed read everything for my family until we get up to who knows one, another favorite pesach tradition. Here, you have to say your stanza in one breath. It’s always good, especially when my brother gets 13 2 nights in a row and we all get to watch him insist he can get it for 5 minutes straight of failed takes. 

How bizzare is chad gadya also? We decide to end the seder with a horrific parable of everyone dying except for god who reigns supreme? Who made that one up?

And thus concludes the seder, where youre dead tired before you remember that you still have to clean up the table and surrounding areas, which by now are coated in a thiccccc layer of matzah crumbs because that stuff is THE DEVIL.

[ahgaseda]

the NSFW alphabet | Mark (Got7)

{ this post contains graphic descriptions and explicit content : please read at your own risk! }

A = aroused (how he acts when he's in the mood)

like a horny little fuck boy. but he also smooth as fuck. says the dirtiest shit. cant keep his hands off of you. will bring your hand to the bulge in his jeans like baby look what you made me do. goes right for the neck kisses. he knows thats the weak spot and hes not afraid to go for it straight away. pouts or sulks when you play hard to get but secretly loves it.

B = body (favorite body part of their partner)

he loves your skin. he loves how soft it is. he loves how warm it feels against him. he lives to trace his fingertips in mindless patterns up and down your body. from your head to your toes. he loves to nip and bite. he loves to lick and suck. if he can mark every inch of you he will. oh god and the warm sweaty feel of your skin when youre on top of him after a round of sex is his favorite.

C = climax (what he's like when he orgasms)

face scrunching up. teeth buried in his bottom lip. during sex and climax its like the only word he knows is fuck. if its a really intense nut he may just repeat that word until he finally comes back down. hes not afraid to make noise but its usually soft moans or heavy panting. he also the type to like staying inside after he finishes. youre very used to him getting comfortable on top of you.

D = dominance (is he dominant, submissive or a switch)

a very very good switch. he is the master of both sides. can be a rough and intimidating dom that puts you in your place and fucks you from behind into the mattress. or he can be the cutest brattiest little sub that lets you cuff him to the bed and do whatever you want with him until further notice. he doesnt really have a preference since either are good fun for him and he likes making you both happy.

E = experience (how experienced is he in the bedroom)

he definitely been at this a while and hes not opposed to one night stands. when hes in a relationship he gives his all to his partner but a quick fuck with a stranger not so much. because hes a Virgo he prefers sex with love but when hes single he will make do with what he has. but when hes in that meaningful relationship with someone he loves he will make it his mission to become an expert on pleasing them in bed.

F = fortitude (does he have a lot of stamina and energy)

yes and no. lots and lots of stamina. he can make a round last as long as needed. he can hold back his orgasm until youve finished even if he has to pull out and calm himself down when hes too close. as for multiple rounds well that might be reserved for special occasions. or if hes been away and the two of you are reunited after weeks apart. after sex he typically wants to settle down and snuggle and probably sleep. that being said hes also the type to do a lot before actual sex. like dry grinding or manual or oral. there can still be multiple orgasms before any intercourse which is like the grand finale of a long show lol

G = gratification (what really gets him off)

getting exactly what he wants. it sounds selfish but its not. if he got you all worked up and now hes got you right where he wants you and youre moaning his name and its all playing out exactly how he wanted and imagined then hes gonna blow really hard. even when hes subbing and youre doing what you want he still wanted to sub in the first place so it still taps into what gets him off. he can be a greedy little lover boy but its never at your expense. he will never leave you unsatisfied.

H = habitat (preferred place to get busy)

at home usually. or at least somewhere that a couch or bed is nearby. he will want to call it a day afterward. but he also likes quickies so this isn’t a strict rule of his. he definitely down for car sex if the mood is right. in fact it probably happens a lot more than he would care to admit. he also is a big fan of pool sex for obvious reasons. tbh if the two of you are getting it on he really doesnt give a fuck where it is in the heat of the moment.

I = intimacy (how emotional is he when it comes to sex)

it depends on the mood. if its a rough round and hes just chasing your highs then probably not at all. if youre celebrating an anniversary or something then there will be a lot of intimacy and tenderness. also there is a lot of makeup sex in this relationship and he will get very emotional about it. hes not the type to pick a fight just for the sake of makeup sex. the fights will be real and serious and so will be the making up making love afterward.

J = joke (how much does he play around)

during roleplay and foreplay there will be plenty of joking around. also during a quickie yes he can be a little shit and make you giggle. totally the type to get horny and poke you in the back with his dick like hey you asleep? if humor works on you then he will use it. he can be really funny when subbing so be prepared to laugh. he doesnt take the bedroom too seriously unless the mood calls for it. hes a pretty easygoing guy and that carries over to his sexy time too.

K = kink (toys or kinks)

loves toys. will gladly tie you up and slip some vibrating panties on you and then play some video games with you having orgasms over and over behind him. but he also the type to get lots of different toys and then never use them lol he tends to stick with the usual stuff. as far as his kinks he loves when you dom the absolute fuck out of him. pin him down and fuck the soul out of him. he wont readily admit it but he loves when you own him in every way possible. also marking haha no pun intended. he loves to give and receive bruises and hickeys.

L = lust (how often does he want it)

the sex drive is between average and high. sometimes leaning toward the high side when hes in a committed relationship. you turn him on almost constantly hes just so damn into you. yall fuck each other on the regular. he really likes showing how much he needs you through sex. there will be times though when hes exhausted from work and just does not have the energy for a fuck. other times work can stress him tf out so bad that he just needs to take some pleasure out of your body. he will always give you a heads up text on the way home when thats the case though.

M = masturbation (mutual and solo)

its not a big deal to him. he dont care if you get yourself off though he does like hearing all about it. you can call him up for some phone sex and he will do the bare minimum. but that deep voice is enough. he will give you a mmhm and good girl and yep a couple of those do the trick. he gets a little freaky when yall are apart though. he wants you to send him nudes and show him your boobs when you facetime and all that stuff. when hes a horny little fucker and youre not around he really is shameless.

N = never (what he will not do)

share. you are his and every other guy can fuck right off. if you suggest a threesome you can forget it. if one of the members has his phone and accidentally sees one of your nudes he may come out swinging. he loves you way too much and is too emotionally attached to you. he cant ever see another guy give you pleasure or even let them see your beautiful body that belongs to him. he doesnt care if youve been with other guys or been in love before you are his now and he is yours and thats that.

O = oral (giving and receiving)

oh god giving him head is the best because the sounds he makes. he isnt loud but hes not afraid to make noise when he feels good and your hot wet mouth is the good shit. he just loves tangling his hand in your ponytail and thrusting into your throat. you love feeling his legs tremble when you swallow him. and hes not above reciprocating. the kid will suck you dry. you wanna be a little brat alright this will change that attitude real quick. awe youre stressed out lemme make you sing. most of the time he eats you out before sex because he catches a glimpse of how wet you are and he just has to have a taste.

P = position (favorite position)

it may sound boring but missionary. he loves having you beneath him. the view is fantastic. he can watch himself sinking in and out of you. he loves the way your boobs bounce with his thrusts and he has perfect access to grab one or both. he can either drape himself over you chest to chest or he can sit up and roam his hands all over your thighs and hips. either way theres definitely nothing wrong with good ole missionary. he also loves to get ahold of your neck and pin you to the mattress. sometimes he will squeeze and sometimes not. its pretty good either way. he is very possessive of your body in the heat of the moment.

Q = quickie (what is a quickie like with him)

hot and messy and wild and rough and crazy and the best ever. he really gives it to you hard and fast in a quickie. he loves the way your body shudders from enduring his thrusts. the way you cant stop chanting his name. these occur in the car or in the shower most of the time. you need him right this minute and damn it hes gotta have you right now. it still shocks you how merciless he gets and youre suddenly aware just how much he holds back. and hell hath no fury like mark if he is interrupted. be prepared for him to fling something at whoever disturbs you both.

R = roleplay (favorite routines and tropes)

they change on a whim. it depends on what yall are in the mood for. though he does like to get his way more often than not and he knows how to push your buttons to get the desired outcome. a common trope is the playing hard to get. he likes when you make him work for it. he lives to tease and be teased. he really enjoys everything that leads up to the sex. hes actually a pretty good actor when it comes to dom or sub tropes. when hes in dom mode your body obeys his every command without a second thought.

S = seduction (how he gets you in the mood)

he knows how to finesse his way to some sexy time and he’s damn good at what he does. a little bit of that low deep voice does the trick. its unholy. the boy knows exactly how and when to get you worked up. he gets very vocal about what he wants. come on baby lets go play dont you wanna come for me i love watching you come and listening to you scream my name for all the neighbors.

T = teasing (what is the best way to arouse him)

flirt with him. get naughty. touch him lightly but intentionally. keep at it and get him all riled up. the most sure fire way to get him is to put on some lingerie and give him a lapdance or something like that. if hes playing games and pretending to ignore you put on something skimpy or racy and sit right in his lap. also tap into his mark kink. kiss his neck and start sucking. he will melt into a puddle in your hands.

U = underwear (lingerie and costumes)

will buy you lingerie he likes without hesitation. baby please wear this for me. he dies for how good you look in lingerie. and holy crap does he have dozens upon dozens of pictures of you in his phone in these outfits. lingerie is probably one of his biggest weaknesses. meanwhile he always prefers to be naked. if company aint coming around you can guarantee he will walk around the house naked as the day he was born. the kid is hot blooded and hates wearing clothes.

V = verdict (what do you think of your sex life with him)

sometimes you catch yourself blushing as you think about the sex with mark. its good. so so good. the two of you feed off of and into each other. after a while youre in sync with each others desires and needs. you can tell when he needs stress relief. he can tell when you need reassurance. its like he can read your body fluently. he gives you some of the most intense orgasms and holds you afterward like youre all hes ever wanted in his life.

W = words (how vocal is he and dirty talk)

his dirty talk is next level and im not exaggerating. he a whole fuckboy and he knows how lethal his deep voice is. expect him to make it even lower and to say the nastiest things. remember hes shameless and not much is off limits except things he knows you dont like. he keeps it going during sex too. loves whispering in your ear when he takes you. when hes subbing for you he makes sure to be extra vocal and does not hold back. as a dom he goads you and gets even more explicit.

X = x-rated (how does he feel about porn or sextapes)

oh yall have definitely made a few videos. hes gotta have stuff to watch at night when hes on tour and youre on the other side of the globe. he prefers photos of you but he does have a couple vids that are his absolute favorite. he watches porn occasionally and he doesnt care if you do too. yall have watched porn together no big deal. yall pretty much get each other horny enough you dont need any porn for that lol

Y = yawn (what is he like after sex)

sleepy and cuddly. he turns into such a snuggle bug. it taps into that need he has for your skin against his. you become his personal pillow after sex. he smushes his face against your breasts. he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you flush against him. just cuddle the shit out of him. he needs and wants it so badly. as you both come down he really covers you in kisses. will lick every sweat droplet off of your skin. damn youre so beautiful and feel so amazing he just cant stand it.

Z = zodiac (what his sign says about him in bed)

oh the Virgo. greedy but needy. they want their wishes fulfilled but they also want to be good to you. its a steady balance. sometimes he gets a little too self centered and will pull your strings to get his way but he loves you so much that he will always make it up to you. he wants this relationship to last forever and ever and is therefore willing to bend over backwards to make you happy but he expects the same in return. this boy will never stick around for a one-sided love. match his effort or hes gone.

{ copyright 2018-2020 © ahgaseda // masterlist }

[fiftyshadesgrl]

He saved me/ part 8

Summary: reader is in a abusive relationship. When things take a turn foe the worst she finds help in the winchesters.

Warning: this story will have smut, violence, abuse, language and torture. If youre triggered by any of this then i suggest you dont read.

An hour later we were back at the garage. Me and sam both worked up a sweat but we had fun. We even raced back to the bunker but i think he let me win.

I walked down the steps and found dean in the library with his feet propped up on the table. Sam said he was going to get a shower and disappeared down the hall.

"Have a good run?" Dean asked crossing his arms over his chest.

"I did, it was just what i needed. Fresh air and time to clear my head. I feel great, well i will after i get a shower. Im all sweaty." The last line made dean take a deep breath in and he closed his eyes. Seemingly battling with whatever was going on inside his head.

I took this time to mess with him a little. "My clothes are glued to me. Im going to have to peel them off." Dean growled and threw his head back, i couldnt help but giggle.

I grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and took a drink. I tipped the bottle and a little bit of the water ran down my chest, down my clevage area and into my sports bra. I rubbed the water over my neck and down my chest, a small moan escaped my lips.

"Thats a good way to cool off." I opened my eyes to see dean watching me with that same flame in his eyes as earlier. I bit my lip and smiled as he ran a hand over his face. He pushed his chair back and walked over towards me.

He grabbed me by the hips and pulled me in close to him. "I know what youre fuckin doing. Its not funny."

I ducked my head, "im sorry, i dont know what it is. When youre near me i just get this feeling come over me. It wont happen again."

I pulled away from him and made my way down the hall towards my room. Before i got to my door i looked behind me to see dean sprinting towards me. He pushed me up against the wall as his lips covered mine. Our tongues danced with each other as my hands found their way into his hair.

"Youre driving me crazy, (Y/N). Dont you know that?" Dean said as his lips found the sensitive spot on my neck.

"Im sorry." I moaned against his shoulder.

"Dude, you both have rooms ya know." Sam said from the hallway beside of us. Dean pulled away from me just as sam walked towards his bedroom and shut the door.

Dean looked back at me, he laid his forehead against mine. "I cant do this."

I finally got the nerve to speak up, "why dean?"

He closed his eyes, "(Y/N), youve been through so much in such a short amount of time. I cant take advantage of you, cause thats what it would be. Youre confused right now. You are trying to heal from what parker has done to you. Give yourself some time."

I shook my head, "no dean, im thinking clearly for the first time in a long time. I want you and im not going to change my mind."

I took his hand and led him into my bedroom. I sat him down on the bed and i sat beside him. "Why do you think you would be taking advantage of me?" I asked placing my hand on his knee.

"Because thats what it would be." Dean said averting his eyes from mine.

"Youre not like that dean."

He shook his head, "you dont know anything about me."

I straddled him and took his face in my hands. "I know enough about you to know that you wouldnt do that to me. I trust you. I know you feel this whats going on between us, i can see it in your eyes."

"(Y/N), please." He tried to pull away from me but i wasnt having it.

"You have made me feel more alive in these past two weeks then i have my entire life. You calm me and excite me at the same time. I crave your touch dean." I whispered the last line against his lips.

I took his hand in mine and put it against my hip under my shirt. "Touch me dean." He screwed his eyes shut as his jaw muscle clench. "Please. Touch me, i need you." I whispered in his ear.

He closed his eyes tight and growled, "damn it." His hands were everywhere. He pulled my shirt over my head in a flash and threw it behind me. His lips found the right spot on my neck as he unclasped my bra, it fell to the floor as well. His hands cupped my breasts roughly, his mouth on one nipple as he pinched the other.

I threw my head back as a moan escaped my lips. I ripped his flannel from his shoulders and soon his shirt. At least we were skin to skin from the waist up. One of his hands were tangled in my hair gripping and pulling tight as his other was on the back of my neck.

"Oh dean." I whispered against his neck. He flipped us to where i was laying on the bed, i let out a small giggle as he smiled against my lips. He gripped the waist band of my shorts, he looked up into my eyes i guess asking for permission. Making sure that this is what i wanted. I raised my hips up and he took that as a yes. He pulled them down and gasped as he saw that i wasnt wearing underwear.

"Youre so fuckin beautiful." He said as he knelt down in front of me. He pushed my thighs open and didnt waste any time devouring me. His tongue flicking and making circles around my clit, i writhed beneath him clawing at his head. My fingers tangled in his hair and pulled lightly.

An animalistic growl came from him and it shook me to my core. I started to tense as i felt my orgasm building inside of me. "Dean, im so close." I whispered, trying to keep it down as to not disturb sam.

He then slid two fingers inside me and i couldnt keep quiet any longer. My orgasm rocked through me as dean pounded his fingers inside me and never let up on my clit.

"Oh....my......god.......yes!" I screamed out as i felt a warm gush running down and soaking the sheets. After i had quit shaking dean was on top of me. He had shed the rest of his clothing sometime while i was coming down from my high.

"You sure you want this?" Dean asked as i felt his dick pressing against my entrance. I nodded and he shook his head, "you gotta tell me sweetheart." I growled in frustration, "just shut up and fuck me winchester."

He smiled and slowly entered me. He was being gentle like he was trying not to break me. I pushed my hips up letting him know to go faster. He really started moving as another orgasm hit me.

"Thats it baby, cum all over my cock. Oh yeah baby, im cumming." Dean yelled as his veins protruded from his neck. After we came down from the bliss of finally becoming one dean slumped beside me on the bed. He rolled over on his side and pulled me close to him, "that was the best sex ive ever had." He said his breathing ragged.

"Are you okay?" He asked as he kissed the top of my head.

I nodded and placed a kiss in the middle of his chest. "Im better than okay, i dont know if there are words for the way im feeling right now." But in the back of my mind i knew one word that i almost let slip, love. I loved dean winchester but i couldnt tell him.

My eyes opened some time later, i didnt even realize i had fallen asleep. The bed was empty beside me, i ran my hand over the cold sheets he hadnt been there for a while. I stood up and found his flannel on the floor, wrapped it around me feeling secure wrapped in his masculine scent. I button a few buttons just enough to be decent if sam was around and made my way out to find dean.

I walked into the kitchen thinking he might be there but he wasnt. The clock on the coffee maker read 3:15 am. Theres no way he could be out at this hour, unless i wasnt enough for him and he went out to find something better.

I got a bottle of water from the fridge and walked into the library. I spied dean sitting at the table a bottle of whiskey and a half full glass which he downed when he saw me.

"Are you okay?" He asked gruffly

I nodded, "yeah, why wouldnt i be?"

He poured some more in his glass and drank half of it before speaking again. "Im so sorry, i should have controled myself more. After everything youve been through...." He stopped and downed the rest of the whiskey in his glass.

I walked over to him and before he could refill it i took the glass from him and placed it on the table. I sat on his knee and took his face in my hands. "Hey, why are you worrying about this so much. If i didnt want it and i wasnt ready i wouldve said so." His green eyes were red rimmed and i could see unshed tears in them. "I love you dean. I wanted to say it before but i was scared of your reaction. Im not scared anymore."

I smiled at him but he didnt return it. "You cant love me. Its to dangerous. Im sorry." With that he gently lifted me off his lap, then he walked up the stairs slamming the bunker door behind him. Not what i expected. After everything that had happened between us only a few hours ago i was sure he cared for me in some way. The way he just ran out on me proved otherwise. The tears fell that i didnt even know were coming, i sat there for an hour before i decided i no longer want to be here.

I made my way to sams door and began knocking. When he answered the door his hair was a mess and sleep clung heavy in his eyes.

"(Y/N). Whats wrong?" A tinge of worry in his voice.

"Im packing up and leaving. I just wanted to say goodbye and thank you for everything." I said tears still streaming down my face.

"Wait, what? Why? What happened, what brought this on?" He opened the door all the way bidding me to come in.

After i had explained everything to sam it was nearly dawn. "Im sorry sam but i cant stay here. I just wanted to let you know."

Sam nodded, "i understand but dean is very closed off. You have to understand that everyone hes ever loved hes lost them some way. He doesnt want to add more names to the list. Hes only protecting you so he cares, even if he didnt show you the way you thought he would."

I shook my head, "i still cant stay here. Not anymore, ive been a burden long enough."

Sam sighed and placed his hand on my knee. "Youve never been a burden. Thats all in your head, but if youre set on leaving do me a favor."

I looked up into his eyes for the first time. "What?"

"Dont go far. We have someone you can stay with until we figure this out about parker. Youll be safe there."

"Who is it?" I asked in a low voice. Hating to have to be a burden on yet another person.

Sam smiled, "another hunter, one of the best actually. His name is bobby singer. He will welcome you with open arms. Then after all this blows over and we end this you can go where ever you want to go if its still what you want."

"On one condition." I stood and walked to the door. "Dont tell dean where i am. Just tell him i left and that im okay."

Sam nodded, "okay, ill call bobby and work everything out."

I nodded then walked out the door. I had everything packed up in 10 minutes seeing that everything dean had bought me was still in the store bags and what wasnt i gathered up in just a few minutes. I changed my clothes and walked back down to sams door he was standing outside it waiting on me.

"Bobby said he would meet halfway and pick you up. You ready? You got everything?" Sam asked.

I nodded, "yeah just give me a minute ill meet you in the library."

Sam nodded and made his way to the library. I walked to deans door and opened it seeing the room bare. I laid my favorite shirt of his, the one that gave me so much comfort on his bed. I let a few tears spill down my cheeks but the memory of him walking out on me dried them up quickly. I shut the door silently and made my way to sam.

He had my bags in his hands and gave me a sad smile. I made my way up the stairs and to sams car. It wasnt like the impala but as long as it got me to bobby then thats all that matters. If the winchesters trusted him then so did i. I had heard stories about bobby how he was a second father to them.

We drove in silence for a few minutes but sam decided to break it. "You dont have to do this. You should still stay with us."

"I cant sam." Was all i said.

"You know dean will eventually find out where you are. Not by me of course, but he will eventually. Cas could find you easily." Sam said with a sigh.

I shook my head. "Tell cas not to tell dean. I dont want him to come look for me. He made it clear how he felt. Im not enough for him. Parker was right."

"(Y/N)..."

"No sam, dont try to make it out to be anything more than what it is. He doesnt care for me, not the way that i do for him. I was a fool to think he could." I tried to not let my voice shake but i failed at that. When sam opened his mouth to speak again i silenced him with holding my hand up.

We drove for three hours until sam pulled off the road beside a beat up blue car. A elder man stood outside the drivers side door with his arms crossed over his chest, leaning against the door.

Sam got out first and moved to the trunk to get my bags. I stepped out as the elder man opened his trunk.

After the bags were placed in the trunk bobby walked over to me. "You must be (Y/N), im bobby."

"Nice to meet you bobby." I shook his outstretched hand as he smiled at me. I turned back towards sam, my heart breaking all over again. I gave him a sad smile as a tear slid down my cheek.

He engulfed me in a hug, "if you ever need us, or me all you have to do is call."

I nodded not trusting myself to speak.

When he let me go i gave him a quick peck on the cheek and climbed into bobbys car. Knowing if i was to look back i would change my mind. Bobby climbed in soon after and sped off in the opposite direction from where me and sam came. I watched in the mirror as long as i could, until sams tail lights werent visible anymore.

"So, why are you runnin?" Bobby asked, surprising me.

"Sam didnt tell you?"

He nodded, "he told me, still doesnt answer the question. Why are you runnin?"

I sighed, "dean walked out on me after i told him how i felt. I thought he cared about me. I was wrong, parker was right. Ill never be good enough for anyone."

"Well darlin, im going to be blunt with you. Dean is a idjit when it comes to loving or caring for someone. I love him like he was my own but sometimes he can be a real pain in the ass."

"You can say that again." I sigh.

"But he has a good reason for being distant with people. The less people you love and are close to the less people you lose. Its just the way this life is." Bobby finally finished.

I understood where bobby was coming from. Still i wasnt enough for dean. So my choice still remained the same.

We pulled up in front of bobbys house a couple hours later. He carried my bags up the stairs as i followed behind him. He led me into im guessing a spare room that was used as a file room. There was a queen sized bed against the wall but other than that it was just files and file cabinets and books.

"Its not much, sorry about the mess ill have it cleaned up in a few days." He said placing my bags at the foot of the bed. "You have the whole top floor to yourself. My room and bathroom is downstairs."

I nodded and smiled "you dont need to rearrange your life for me. I wont be staying long."

Bobby turned towards me with a solem look on his face. "Now (Y/N), i promised sam i would look after you until parker was took care of."

"Look i intend to stay here until parker is dealt with, but in the meantime i want to learn how to hunt. I want to take him out myself. I want you to teach me everything you know."

Bobby was hesitant for the first few days but eventually he agreed. A week into my lessons and i was beat, but i was determined to be in this life. I was becoming stronger and it was also helping me deal with alot of issues. Never again would i be a victim.

@an-unhealthy-obsession

[acecombatmutual]

I’ve been considering watching hermitcraft after seeing your posts about it actually!! Who would you suggest I watch?

first off-- feel free to come off anon and chat too!! ;3;

so, like, okay, there’s a ton of people on the server, and each person has a really distinctive video style, so i’d say go to hermitcraft.com and see what strikes your fancy, maybe just watch around a little bit, see what you vibe with & stuff. but ill give a rundown of my personal favorite hermits and why i rec them here:

1. renthedog - ren is a treasure, his videos are very well edited and they always have a very clear and followable narrative (video or like, legit narrative, this season he did an entire set of episodes where he roleplayed as a cowboy), and he’s all around just really good. he doesn’t necessarily do redstone or building the best way i can describe him is that he’s here for a good time and loves a good goof

2. etho - youve probably heard of etho, super popular mcyter whos been around for a while. all his content is very.. idk its very calming, but his hc content specifically is just him genuinely having fun on the server with no real, like, Theme i guess? he’s mad good at redstone tho! i rec him just as another general choice

3. vintagebeef - another old hermit, NHO rise up.. super good builder, does a lot of that all-around content, just a fun dude to watch. this season he spent an entire episode building a ghast farm just to build ONE small facet of his base.. also he spent an entire episode building a llama sanctuary by his base. jsp he’s just a general joy i love him

4. tangotek - tango said ‘i’m gonna build an iron farm where ravagers kill the golems, also i’m gonna build a creeper farm that shoots them out of a cannon, just for fun’ and he did. tangos video style is kinda all over the place but very good nonetheless. super entertaining guy

5. impulsesv - impulse is one of tangos friends, his  base this season looks crazy good, and also he’s got this kinda dad personality that i enjoy a lot... this season he’s been doing a lot of farms so if you like technical content i do believe hes a good choice

6. iskall85 - hes the only good swedish youtuber and i love him to bits. hes kinda a builder, kinda a redstoner, kinda general? also he’s very goofy but a joy to watch

7. mumbojumbo - youve likely heard of mumbo or seen him on the trending page or something, he’s mad popular and very good at redstone.. his videos tend to have that same followable narrative feel as ren’s, and i know some people dont like his editing style (i didnt like it at first) but i’d say just see how you like his content..

8. zedaph - last on this list but not least is zed. zed’s content is all about visual humor and just doing goofy stuff. a few eps ago he made a zombie farm that functions like a plinko machine if that gives you an idea of what he does. just a really entertaining guy, i always find myself watching all the way through his episodes

10. just kidding i forgot another one: joehills. joe has no discernible content style, but he is building his base based on a vineyard from a dnd book which is neat as hell.. he also sometimes reads poems at the ends of his videos if the videos don’t have midroll ads. again just that one u gotta watch to test the waters with

11. one more. xisumavoid is another one i keep telling myself i have to catch up with but i never do for some reason? his content at least as far as i’ve seen (most of the back half of his s6) is super chill & lowkey.. very good to just have on as bg noise i think! he’s kinda technical and kinda a builder afaik... his streams are a little insane but i HAVE spent mobile data at school to watch them during classes so take that as you will

that’s everyone i’m super mega keeping up with at the moment, honorable mention to zombiecleo & bdoubleo!

[shhh-no-ones-home]

bases loaded* highschool!ricky horror x reader

+++++++++ Highschool au woo!

originally i was like ‘hey maybe they could like sneak into an empty classroom’ and then i remembered in my highschool there are batting cages for softball practice in a long narrow room above the gym. also the only way you can get to it is a staircase that goes from the basement at the end of the hall with the art/shop/weight training rooms all the way up to the gym and the batting cages above it, its like a four story staircase. (i know it sounds weird but our school has had a lot of additions over the years, theres a wrestling room in the back of the ‘new’ gym too) but thats kind of where the idea for this came from so if it reads weird or doesnt seem like a normal highschool set up, i promise it is because i lived it, its literally in my highschool lol.

* -  You two sneak off during class to find an empty room (this was  og promt). He has to keep you quiet during a hard fucking so you dont get caught

Song: mrs infamous (my sweetness) by palaye royale

tag list: @thisplace-ishaunted @svintsandghosts @theoneandonlykymberlee @alilpunkrock @cynic-spirit @musicsexandpizza69 @ryansitkowskiswifey +++++++++

"Meet me at the end of the shop hallway during sixth period."

I replayed that sentence in my mind over and over again. He sounded so needy whispering it in my ear as the bell rang to release us from lunch. I couldn't stop thinking about it, and it made me blush each time. I thought about if skipping class would be worth it but it always was. We were seniors after all, which meant what few classes we did have, we didn't have much to do at this point. I rounded the corner and spotted him at the other end of the hallway, smoking out the open window. I walked quickly towards him, hoping none of the art teachers would notice me. When I got to him I smiled.

"Did you miss me?"

I said quietly, making him jump. He sighed out in relief.

"Jesus y/n."

I laughed a little bit.

"You said to meet you. What are we doing?"

He smirked at me before putting his cigarette out on the window sill.

"We, are going to have a little fun."

He grabbed my hand and started towards the stairs.

"Since we haven't been able to hang out after school for the past like two weeks I figured we could have some time to ourselves during. Besides, it's not like we have anything better to do."

I smiled to myself as he looked around, leading me up the stairs once the coast was clear.

"And we're heading to the batting cages because?"

this stair case only went to one place and i had a pretty good idea of what he wanted to do. He looked at me over his shoulder and smirked.

"It's private, and with it being over the gym no one will hear us."

I raised a brow.

"Oh?"

He sent me a wicked smile before turning back around. When we got to the top he paused, letting go of my hand.

"Isn't it locked during school hours?"

I asked. He just ignored me, kneeling down and pulling two pins out of his hoodie pocket.

"Nothings locked if you try hard enough."

He said smoothly, moving to pick the lock. I smiled to myself as the door popped open and he stood up. He held it and kissed me endearingly.

"After you m'lady."

i smirked at him.

"How thoughtful."

He followed in after me. The whole room was dark aside from the light coming in from the 'windows' to the gym. You could hear the coaches  instructing students, it sounded like they were playing kick ball today which meant we'd be home free in the noise department. i walked along the far wall, making sure no one down below would be able to see us at the angle. there were gym mats littering the floor along with a few racks of equipment and large nets to catch the balls that were hit. in one corner however there was a medium sized table with two chairs behind it, where the coaches usually kept their clip boards and the water coolers and things. today however it was empty. i walked quietly over to it, leaning my hands on it to make sure it wouldnt squeak under my weight. when it didnt make a sound i turned around and slid up onto it, kicking my legs under me and watching ricky as he looked around. by now the gym class had started their game and you could hear the loud sound of rubber being hit and students yelling to their teammates.

"you stalling for a reason kiddo?"

i asked, pulling rickys attention to me. he held his pointer finger to his lips to shush me as he peered out the glass-less window down at the class. he looked back to me after a second and smiled. i watched him intently as he strutted carefully over to me, placing his hands firmly on the table on either side of my thighs.

"you ready to go?"

he asked smoothly, staring into me, his gaze falling momentarily to my lips. i shuddered, running my hands lightly up his arms. i always could get lost in his ocean eyes, the dark makeup pulling me in deeper as he beckoned me with his siren song. i nodded to him before capturing his lips in mine, pulling him to me as i kissed him hungrily. we slowly began making out and i could feel his hands move to my hips, squeezing them gently as he stood up. i detached from him and inhaled deeply, looking up at him with an innocent gaze.

"i love you ricky."

i said a little dazed. he smiled at me before kissing me lightly, his one hand moving to my face to caress my cheek.

"i love you too y/n."

he waited for my response and as soon as i smiled at him, bringing my hands to hold his waist to me, he was back to my lips. i hummed against him as he shoved his tongue in my mouth. as we continued to make out i moved to get his jacket off, unzipping it slowly and pushing it down his arms. he dropped it to the table next to me and returned his hands to my exposed thighs. he pulled away from my mouth, moving down my neck as i snaked my fingers into the hair at the base of his neck, just under his black beanie.

"im so glad you wore a skirt today."

he mumbled against my collar bone, making me shudder at his hot breath.

"so am i."

i sighed out, feeling him slip his hand between my legs. he moved his head back up to kiss me as he ran two fingers over my clothed heat.

"so needy."

he said seductively, making me blush.

"i missed your touch."

he moaned low in his throat at my comment before pushing my skirt up quickly and pulling me to the edge of the table. i caught myself, dropping both hands to the table behind me as i leaned back. when i looked down between the two of us i could see his bulge pressed hard against his tight jeans.

"god, i need you so bad right now."

his voice was barely above a whisper. i pecked his lips before looking back down between us. i slowly began to undo his jeans, looking back to his face every once in a while to see his eyes screwed shut as i grazed him, pushing his bottoms down. he breathed deeply, barely opening his eyes as he pulled himself out of his jeans. i groaned to myself as he pressed his member against my thigh, spreading my legs apart and pushing my panties to the side.

"you ready baby?"

he asked lowly. i raised a brow.

"did you bring it?"

he looked confused for a second before realizing what i was asking and pulling his pack of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket. when he opened it i could see it was half empty but he had remembered to bring a condom this time.

"got it."

he said, pulling it out and tearing it open. i helped him roll it on before leaning back again. i moaned as he ran himself over my slit, getting my wet over his tip before he guided himself into me. He reached up to cover my mouth with his hand and looking panicked for a second.

"youve gotta be quiet princess, or we're not gonna get very far."

i nodded and he dropped his hand back to the table. i scooted closer to the edge of the table as he pulled halfway out and pushed back into me a few times. as he began thrusting a little harder i brought one leg up to hook around his waist, bringing him closer to me. as he got rougher he finally remembered to take care of me, bring his hand down to circle my clit. i dropped my head back immediatly, giving him access to kiss and suck at my neck again. my eyes screwed shut as he pounded into me, breathing heavily against my skin. i moaned again and he shot upright, covering my mouth as he continued fucking me hard. i looked at him with dark eyes, reaching for his shirt and gripping it tightly.

"ricky."

i moaned into his hand. he decided that wasnt enough though and replaced his hand with his mouth, kissing me roughly as  his movements got sloppier and more uneven. i could feel him twitch as he kept moving, thrusting into me and pushing his thumb against my clit. then i felt it, my vision went blurry for a second as my orgasm wracked through my body, making my thighs quiver against his waist. he thrusted hard one last time before pausing and sighing heavily into my mouth as he came. we both sat there breathing heavily for a second before he pulled out of me. as he was pulling the condom off we both heard a whistle blow from inside the gym, then one of the coaches yelled for the class to clean up.

"you ready to dash?"

he asked, pulling his pants back up and helping me down off the table. i nodded, fixing my panties and my skirt back into place.

"lets hope we dont get caught."

i winked at him, picking his hoodie up and draping it over my shoulders. he smirked down at me, taking my hand in his and pulling me towards the door.

"do we ever?"