#so if you never hear from me again (next few posts are queued) it’s safe to assume i’m dead

[messilymiscellaneous]

giving myself until noon :) and if my head still hurts by then :) i’m going home and crying :)

[roo-bastmoon]

BTS TUTORIAL: Tickets to Concerts

UPDATES NOW IN ORANGE BELOW!

So you wanna see BTS in person? Who doesn’t! That would be so dope.

Let’s chat about it.

Whew, okay, as a toddler ARMY, I worry I’m biting off more than I can chew with this one, because I’ve never been to a BTS concert. But since friends have been giving me good advice about trying for tickets to Yoongi’s tour, I will take a crack at it, share what I have heard, just in case it’s helpful.

So far, the only BTS-related concert we know of for 2023 is Suga’s Solo Tour.

In order to buy tickets, you have to jump through several hoops:

First, you better have an active ARMY membership. Deadline for that (for this concert) is past but you should still get one anyway.

Next, you will have had to apply for ARMY PRESALE. You gotta do this on both Weverse—which will give you a confirmation code/QR—and then you gotta do it again on Ticketmaster.

DO NOT FORGET TO PUT YOUR ARMY MEMBERSHIP ID NUMBER INTO TICKETMASTER.

This will allow you to ENTER INTO A LOTTERY to try for tickets.

IF you win this lottery, you will get an email on the evening of Tuesday, February 28th giving you a special login code for tickets during ARMY presale.

ARMY presale goes live on March 1st at 3pm your local venue’s time.

Research your venue ahead of time so you know the seating arrangement and tiers, in case you have preferences about where you sit.

I have no idea which seats are “good” seats for a stadium (some have a single stage set up at one end, some have ramps or multi mini-stages in the middle). I hear that standing by the front or barricade is really loud and intense so know your limits.

UPDATE:

Go ahead and log in to your Ticketmaster account now and put in TWO debit or credit cards (or gift cards). One as your primary; one as your backup in case something goes wonky. Save that info in your PAYMENT OPTIONS so you won't waste time plugging in numbers the day you want to buy.

On the day of the ticket sale, get onto the site at least ten minutes before the tickets are released, then refresh the page no more than 10 seconds before the release time to improve your chances of getting to the front of the queue. For example, if tickets go on sale at 3pm on a Wednesday, hop on the Ticketmaster site at 2:50pm, then refresh the page 10 seconds before 1pm.

You will then be entered into a queue along with a max of another 2,000 people. There could be 200,000 other people ahead of you, but YOUR cohort of 2,000 will be automatically queued and you can do nothing but wait for your turn.

DO. NOT. REFRESH. ONCE. IN. QUEUE. You will lose your place.

Stay in queue, deep breaths, and wait for your turn, then let the Hunger Games begin.

You want to take a few seconds to pick your seats, then check out IMMEDIATELY.

Note: if you are not handicapped, please leave seats marked WC (wheelchair) and the ones next to them (for companions) to those who truly need them.

You can only purchase up to 4 seats per lottery code, unless as a group you get an agent and try to purchase a box ahead of Presale, but those cost thousands of dollars and there is a waiting list and I have no idea how you actually get that done.

If by some miracle there are tickets left over from ARMY’s special presale, the following day opens to general presale. Then tickets go on sale to the public the day after that. (But we all know they are gonna sell out completely in minutes, and then after that there will be online trading and mark ups and whatnot.)

For step-by-step info, checkout Ticketmaster’s post here:

If you got tickets, the next thing you’ll want to do is book travel and accommodations immediately because mark-ups will skyrocket. Look for safe and well-rated hotels, motels, Airbnb, etc., in walking distance if possible.

Things to consider:

Can you take a bus or train to the area to save on airfare? How are you going to eat? Food at the venue will cost a lot but taste cheap. How are you getting to the venue if everyone is competing for cabs? Do you have a safe and non-obvious place to hide your cash on your person?

These are logistics you’ll want to play out thoroughly before your concert (Roo says, having never been to a popular music concert because she’s a giant musical theater nerd who only goes to the symphony—but this is what my older ARMY friends tell me.)

If you’re part of a community with fellow ARMY traveling to your concert site, it’s always a good idea to meet up and travel together (strength in numbers). Also check the rules of your venue to see if you need to use a clear plastic bag or if cell phones are not allowed, that sort of thing.

A lot of times ARMY are kind enough to bring freebies and giveaways, like stickers or crafts and such. Sorry to “Mom” you guys, but, please think twice before eating or drinking anything that a stranger hands you. If it comes it original brand packaging, cool. Otherwise, maybe don’t risk it. Not that ARMY has a history of poisoning or drugging people but, ya know, stranger danger.

Finally, it’s cool to bring posters and banners and things to hold up during certain moments in the concert when cameras pan to that—but please don’t block others’ views behind you. ARMY are supposed to be considerate and polite. Tickets and travel are expensive; don't ruin others' experiences.

Folks also say that you’ll likely experience a post-concert “high” and then a “drop.” So maybe have some self-care on hand. Make sure you have ways to hydrate. Bring some Kleenex and throat lozenges. Have a soothing playlist at the ready for when you try to sleep that night. Enjoy every ounce of it and then build in some time to decompress. Plan something fun to look forward to soon after.

This is now the extent of my knowledge when it comes to preparing for concerts.

I’m gonna try for tickets for Newark on the 29th but it’s my first time ever doing anything of the sort, so I’m prepared for the likelihood I won’t get one of the 16,000 seats available that one night. If that’s the case, I will try not to be too disappointed—I figure it’ll help me save on travel and accommodations in case Jimin ever decides to tour on this side of the world.

In any case, should you ever find yourself trying to go to a BTS concert, please share tips and tricks and have a good time.

May the odds be ever in your favor.

DISCLAIMER:

I am a Dope Old Person and have been ARMY since January 2022. So I still have a lot to learn.

I’m making mini-tutorials for people like me who are comfy with technology but totally new to voting, streaming, and buying Kpop stuff.

If you know of better, more up-to-date information, please comment or DM me so I can make sure I’m not spreading misinfo. Please be polite; we are on the same team!

Feel free to apply whatever you learn here to other BTS members and other artists; I’m Jimin-biased so I am focused on helping Jimin at this moment in time, but I’m OT7 so rest assured I’ll put my shoulder to the wheel for all our members!

[wonderwomanfantasy]

Love brewed

so tumblr had a meltdown and deleted this after I had already queued it so I’m sorry the ask got lost but this is a cute sero confession!

warnings: swearing

word count: 1,300 (bout)

summary:

Sero had fallen in love with you the first time he saw you. He had just moved out of the UA dorms and to his own apartment. He was excited to be out on his own finally and to be a pro making the world a better place. According to Google, there was a coffee shop just a few blocks away and he definitely deserved a nice cup of coffee after unpacking all morning. There was a light drizzle but it wasn’t anything too bad so he pulled his hood up and headed off to Love Brewed Cafe. 

It seemed like he wasn’t the only one who wanted something to drink, the little hole in the wall shop was practically full when he walked in. Sero was just pulling down his hood when you turned to look at him a big welcoming smile on your face. And his heart stopped dead in his chest.

“Welcome! Order whenever you’re ready!” you chirped from behind the counter, leaving him stunned. You were easily the most beautiful person he’d ever seen and he could feel the heat rush to his face. He nodded, not sure he could trust his mouth to do the talking. 

Sero realized he was staring and quickly diverted his eyes up to the menu. He calmed down and instantly he felt stupid for getting so worked up over just some barista, He walked to the counter and he looked back at you. Fuck. 

“Uhm just a large black coffee please,” he stammered. 

“Sure no problem! Can I get a name for that?”

“Sero,”

“Perfect, I’ll call for you when it’s ready go ahead and take a seat, er if you can find one that is,” you laughed. Sero just nodded again, hoping his red blush wasn’t too obvious. 

The cafe was crowded but he managed to find an open table near the window and he immediately pulled out his phone to text Kaminari.

Sero: cute barista a block away from my new place, I’m already planning our future children’s names and I’ve only talked to them once. 

Kaminari: Damn do they have a nice ass?

Sero: they’re behind a counter I can’t tell

Kaminari: damn :/ ask if they’re single and or if they have a cute friend

Sero: I m not going to harass them at work

Kaminari: pussy

“Black coffee for Sero!” you called making him jump, he quickly ran up and got his drink before going back to the small table he staked out. 

He looked down at the cup, at his name written in your cute handwriting, and remembered he didn’t even like black coffee. 

Sero went to Love Brewed every day, it just became part of his routine, He didn’t always see you, but he made the most out of it when he did. It was a lot easier to talk to you after the first day and as it turned out the two of you had a lot in common. 

You were a college student about his age and worked part-time here to help pay for classes. You told him about your quirk about your family about the school, everything, and Sero loved to listen. 

If it wasn’t  busy and you didn’t have anything else to do you would come to sit with him while he drank his coffee, otherwise Sero just leaned against the counter while you talked. 

Every time he got the chance to talk to you Kaminari was the first to know about it, Sero was sure that he was getting sick of hearing about you, and Sero’s refusal to ask you out but Hanta really didn’t mind playing the waiting game. 

“Wait so you’re really a hero? That’s so cool! Why did you never tell me, we have a Hero discount you know?” you asked amazed. Sero Shyly rubbed the back of his neck. 

“It never came up, besides I don’t mind paying full price,” he said with a shrug. You pushed him playfully making him laugh

“I can not believe you let me rant about my dumb professors when you probably have all sort of crazy hero stories!” you shouted. Sero could practically hear Kaminari screaming in his ear to brag, brag like his life depended on it. So he did, He liked watching your eyes go wide as he talked about some of his more dangerous fights. 

“Wow that’s incredible,” you said breathily, 

“Well, if you ever need a hero to do some saving I guess you know who to call,” he teased 

“How am I supposed to do that when I don’t have your number,” you said and again he could hear the Kaminari in his head screaming. 

“We can change that,” he said. You shoved your phone in his face almost before he had a chance to finish. 

“Is it alright if I text you for nonemergencies?” you asked

“Of course,” Sero said a little too quickly. 

“Then I will,” you promised. And you did, later that night he got a text from an unknown number with an image attached. 

Unknown: staying safe hero boy? Also here’s a picture for my profile. 

Then you sent a cute selfie of you sitting on your couch in a big sweater. 

Sero: cute

(y/n): thank you thank you I try

(y/n):  do I not get a selfie back?

Sero: give me a minute it just got out of the shower

(y/n): 👀👀👀

Sero paused for a moment, He could send you a shirtless picture, that’s what Kaminari would do, but that might be too forward, wouldn’t it? There would be no denying it was flirting, it might ruin your friendship.  But that’s what he was doing right? Flirting. Every time he complimented your work uniform or made you laugh it was because he liked you right? Sero went the coward’s way.  

Sero: perv. 

He threw on a shirt and snapped a pic to send back. He still looked good, his hair was wet and hanging in kind of a sexy way and his skin was flushed was kind of hot, so he sent it. 

Sero: for you

(y/n): cute

Sero ended up texting you a lot more than he thought he would, every morning the first thing he did was check his phone to see if you had texted him in the night and if he had a spare moment during patrol he’d send you a picture of him hanging upsidedown from a lamp post and you texted him when you were bored in class. It made his heart pound every time. 

“Just ask her out already,” Kaminari groaned leaning over Sero’s shoulder reading the texts. 

“Fuck off, I’m working on it,” Sero grumbled. 

“What’s holding you back? They’re single, right? Just do it!” Kaminari barked. Before Sero could snap back an alarm went off and both of them were too busy to think much about Sero’s love life. 

What was holding him back anyway? He liked you. A lot. So much in fact that he hadn’t even thought about someone else romantically since the two of you met, and it seemed like you liked him too. At least you were always up to message him and unless he was reading too much into things it seemed that your smile was just a little brighter for him than anyone else. 

Of course, he knew the answer. He was scared. Sero had never been anyone’s first pick why would he be yours? He was used to rejection at this point but that didn’t make it sting any less. He didn’t want to ask you out only to see a sour expression cross your face when he told you that he loved you. But he should still tell you. 

Sero argued back and forth with himself until he decided. He was going to tell you the next time he saw you, no backing out. 

“Hey Hanta!” you greeted cheerfully when you saw him come through the door. You already had his regular ready for him. He smiled and greeted you at the counter paying for his drink and taking the cup. 

“Your shift ends at three today right?” he asked

“Yeah, why?”

“If you’re not doing anything I thought we could go out together and do something fun,” He said trying to sound casual even though his heart was beating out of his chest. 

“I’d love that Hanta,”

[jaskiersvalley]

I absolutely love your writing!! It's so very enjoyable and your au's are absolutely delightful. I just thought you should know.

Thank you so much, Nonnie! AUs are something I really enjoy and to hear that others find them fun makes me so very happy. As a little thank you, here’s another AU feat Kaer Morhen Radio and a Jaskier driving an 18 wheeler.

Life was a lonely one on the road. There were many acquaintances and other drivers Jaskier had a passing friendship with, Valdo Marx had the annoying habit of having similar routes to him - they did say mimicry was the highest form of compliment. Alas, nobody was a steady presence in Jaskier’s life. Well, nobody who was aware of him. Though there was the Kaer Morhen Radio family. They were the closest Jaskier had to everyday friends, as sad as that sounded.

“Good morning fuckheads.” Such a declaration could only mean it was 6am and Lambert had taken over. Instinctively, Jaskier was smiling as he sat up with a yawn. Most radio stations liked to gently rouse listeners with swelling music that got more up beat as the day went on. Not Kaer Morhen Radio. They had Lambert as their morning DJ, there to wake sensitive ears in more and more creative ways. He had become known for his unique way to wake listeners up; from bringing in pots to bang to trying to imitate the mating call of a moose at full volume. The only thing listeners loved more than Lambert being a general prick was his flirtation with Aiden who did weather and traffic announcements.

“And, in those four famous words: and now, the weather,” Lambert announced gleefully. After a long moment of silence, he snickered. “We shall have to give Aiden a moment to climb out from under the desk and rinse his mouth. In the mean time, here’s a banger.”

The banger, Jaskier was surprised to find, was quite literally a recording of someone (possibly Lambert) attempting to play drums (badly) on some kitchen pots. By the time the piece reached its rather boisterous end, it seemed that Aiden was no longer preoccupied.

“The weather today-” Jaskier tuned Aiden’s words out in favour of figuring out whether he was messing around or whether he really did sound so husky and gravelly thanks to having his throat fucked. It was quite the conundrum and Jaskier spent the start of his morning drive wondering how many complaints Lambert and Aiden will get now. Their record was 36 for the game of “identify that noise” wherein they stuck their fingers in various containers and made them squelch. To that day, nobody knew whether the last one really was, in Lambert’s words, “Aiden’s well used hole and my come”.

Afternoons were much more peaceful. Eskel took over at 2pm and he was laid back, played soothing music and gave the impression of being a very calm and reliable member of society. Jaskier always maintained it was an impression because, among all the chat, Eskel would sometimes drop a strange little fact that made him do a double take or two.

“This next song,” Eskel had once said, “was written while under the influence of cocaine.” It was a reasonable enough fact to share, Jaskier had been listening while stuck in a traffic jam along a motorway. “How they managed to write it though, I have no idea. Cocaine is terrible for your focus, I could barely scratch an itch before being distracted by something else. So kudos to the writers for creating a whole song while off their face.”

Which was something Jaskier had never thought Eskel would know anything about. He always seemed to demure, the solid rock of Kaer Morhen Radio. He balanced out Yennefer’s news updates perfectly. It was probably why Jaskier liked him so much, now that he thought of it. The surface innocence mixed in with hints of a very colourful life lived beneath the steady exterior. Well, hints other than the incident where Eskel somehow managed to not turn his microphone off and had a conversation about going to a rave with someone who worked at the radio station. Nobody knew the man’s name and his answers were half muffled but listeners swore they heard him suggest something along the lines of a collar and leash - which Eskel had hummed in agreement to, sounding all too happy. When questioned, Eskel resolutely refused to name the mystery man but conceded that there had been a rave. Jury was out whether Eskel had grumbled about being ‘in ecstasy’ or ‘on ecstasy’ for it. And there was definitely a picture of floating around the internet of him in a collar at what definitely looked like an underground rave.

The real reason Jaskier listened to Kaer Morhen Radio was the late night DJ. 10pm on the dot, Eskel would flick the switch and a prerecorded intro played, announcing that it was Late Late Nights with Geralt. Between 10pm and 6am, Geralt manned the station. The only reason Jaskier knew his name was because of the intro. Otherwise the man was silent other than a few hums between songs. Sometimes, presumably when he knocked something over, there would be a growled “fuck” that listeners lived for.

As little as Geralt said, Jaskier was in love. The music was eclectic and death metal could be followed up by electro swing or grime. There was to way to predict just what Geralt would play next, he didn’t take requests, didn’t talk to his listeners. But, somehow, he still drew them in. Jaskier had made the mistake of looking Geralt up online and swooned a little at the few pictures available. It seemed Geralt was an elusive man, somehow managing to turn away from cameras with an uncanny ability. Though a few pictures did exist of Lambert and Eskel on either side of him, quite literally holding him down for a photo.

Truthfully, Geralt was one of the main reasons Jaskier chose to do overnight hauls. Not only did they pay better, he also had Geralt’s nonverbal grunts and hmms to look forward to. He was well aware that it was an infatuation and nothing more. He’d never met Geralt before, Geralt wasn’t even aware of his existence. So, really, Jaskier could daydream all he wanted but had no intention of doing anything more.

Except, Jaskier couldn’t help but wonder. Geralt had such range in his musical taste, maybe he would like what Jaskier wrote. It was a rare night off and Jaskier was well into the bottle with Valdo when they got talking, egging each other on about who was the better musician. It ended with Jaskier drunkenly posting a CD of his music to Kaer Morhen Radio, addressed for Geralt. When he woke up in the morning, on the floor next to his couch which was occupied by Valdo, Jaskier groaned.

Thankfully, there was never a mention or even a single note of his music in the next week. Slowly, Jaskier relaxed, only a little disappointed that his music hadn’t even been acknowledged by Geralt. He almost had a heart attack when eight days later, Lambert came on air with a mad cackle.

“Morning fuckheads!” Lambert sounded more cheery than ever before. “You’ll never guess what I found. Geralt has been hoarding new music. Good music. Said it was for him. Well, I have decided he cannot hold this back from us. If you’re listening, Jaskier, your note was hilarious. I hope your hangover was worth it. Thanks for the CD!”

There was a growl that sounded like Geralt storming into the booth but the microphone was cut and Jaskier’s song started playing. Jaskier almost crashed his truck in shock. Especially when Lambert declared it so good, they would play it again and, sure enough, the song went back to the beginning to play twice in a row.

If it had just been Lambert, Jaskier would have quietly died of shame, accepting that he was being mocked. But Eskel got in on it too. That afternoon he introduced Jaskier’s song with the promise that management were looking into getting in touch with him about the music. Even worse, a listener even requested the song later that evening. Jaskier was both in heaven and hell at the same time. That night, Geralt didn’t play his song and Jaskier was only a little disappointed.

His phone rang the next day.

“Good afternoon, my name is Vesemir, I’m calling from Kaer Morhen Radio. May I speak to Jaskier?”

Jaskier promptly choked. He got an invitation to the studio. It was a good seven days of driving away and Jaskier searched for a contract that would take him across the continent. While he drove, he got a bit braver and started e-mailing the radio station on his breaks.

His written request for songs were acknowledged by a hum and the song coming on next. When he asked Geralt for a shout out, he got obnoxious pop music playing instead. So Jaskier asked for two hums if Geralt wanted to meet and three if he didn’t. Thus, there was a “fuck” on air and the Beauty and the Beast theme song started playing. It was safe to say Jaskier didn’t understand it but he wasn’t deterred.

By the time Jaskier got into town and made his delivery, it was almost 6am. There was no time he had been specifically invited for and he ended up approaching the building at the same time Lambert showed up with Aiden and three large cups of coffee in hand.

“Excuse me,” he called out, “I’m here to see Vesemir.”

“Bit early for that.”

“He never gave me a time so I figured an early start would be appreciated.” It wasn’t exactly a lie but Jaskier kind of wanted to meet Geralt who would be finishing up soon.

For some bizarre reason, Jaskier was led into the radio studio, no questions asked. Surely it was a security issue but then again, Jaskier checked out Lambert and Aiden, they would no doubt be able to handle any issues. Then there was Geralt, stepping out of the booth, Lambert’s intro queued up. He froze when he spotted Jaskier and, curiously, glanced away, seemingly all shy. The curious response was explained away all too soon. There, on the wall, was Jaskier’s CD and a polaroid of him and Valdo, helpfully labeled “The Talent” with an arrow to Jaskier and “The Fake” pointing at Valdo.

“You here for Vesemir?” Geralt asked eventually, sipping at one of the cups Lambert had brought.

“Amongst other things,” Jaskier replied.

“He won’t be here until 10. Why don’t we go grab breakfast while you wait?”

Aiden wolf whistled at that and Lambert whooped, arms in the air.

“My dear fuckheads,” he purred into the microphone, “we have a date between our local cryptid and our mystery siren. Please wish them luck.”

It turned out that, in person, Geralt was a bit more talkative than on air. And Jaskier helped fill any silence without any problems. He ended up being later than planned to meet Vesemir and Tissaia who had a very handsome cheque for him for playing his music and also his phone number with the promise of passing it on to some connections who had expressed an interest in his music.

Never before had Jaskier thought he would thank Valdo Marx for anything. But, one drinking session with him had landed Jaskier with not only a contract with a record label but also a boyfriend. With his first pay, Jaskier send Valdo the biggest bouquet of flowers humanly possible.

[sailorspazz]

10 Dance Special Booklet - Taboo and Habanera [English Translation]

I present to you my project of the last few weeks: an English version of the comics that came with the Japanese special edition of vol. 4. (Thanks to @words-unleashed​ for providing cleaned scans!) Since it’s definitely not Tumblr Safe, the full scanlation can be found at imgur. com/a/HgbwYk1 (sorry to write it out weird, but Tumblr hides posts with external links when you tag search, so just copy and delete the extra spacing and you should be able to access it).

As a bonus, I also made a subtitled version of the track from the drama CDs that includes the “Taboo” portion of the story. The dialogue is mostly the same, with some additions/deletions, but if you want to hear all the steamy action as well as read it, definitely check that out, too. Since it was long, I had to split the video on Tumblr; start with the first half here (or escape this hell site and go to YouTube, where it’s all in one part: youtu.be/ B95vNjt-e6M , again need to copy and delete extra spacing)

Recently, I’ve been working on serious summaries of the chapters that have been released since vol. 5 (starting with #29 part 1). My true nature, though, is to be more snarky and make dumb commentary, so click below if you want a summary of these bonus comics (along with select Tumblr Safe images) where I just poke fun and be thirsty.

So after several volumes of the Shinyas making out without sexing each other, I guess the manga artist was like, “you know what, I’m not gonna have these guys fuck anytime soon (or ever, lol just kidding...or am I?), so I guess I’ll throw some smut crumbs to the poor, deprived shippers.” And we’ll take it and enjoy it, because we’re desperate.

The first story, called “Taboo: Just a bit” continues immediately after chapter 21, where Suzuki said that he’s okay with kissing, but no more! To which Sugiki’s immediate reaction seems to be, “Cool, cool...I’mma go ahead and find a way around that.” Also, he may be a bit insecure about the size of his nipples.

Note: Sugiki’s nipples are important to the plot of this story. I’m dead serious.

Sugiki wonders about Suzuki not seeming to be bothered by him saying he’s adorable, but apparently Suzuki gets called that all the time. And in one of the greatest leaps in logic in history, Sugiki says that, since everyone always found you so precious, surely you and your male friends all touched each other’s naughty bits when you were kids, right? Suzuki’s like, UMM, NO, WHAT THE FU-okay, yeah. yeah, we did. And he assumes, oh, since Sugiki brought this up, he probably did the same thing.

“lol, no, I didn’t do that. But I made you admit that you did.”

Sugiki’s closest experience to something like that was when he was in high school and another boy insulted him, beat him up, and then paid him and said he wanted to suck Sugiki off (quite the roller coaster, but okay). Suzuki’s like, oh shit, that sounds super fucked up, sorry to make you remember that, but Sugiki actually used the situation to his advantage by using the boy to develop his own skills. Those skills involved whipping the other kid with a stick, and teasing him with the fact that he never actually agreed to what he proposed.

Baby sadist in training.

Look at this man. That is all.

So as Sugiki uses their childhood experiences as a flimsy excuse to propose some dick touching, Suzuki notices something shocking: Sugiki’s nipples are hard!

Suzuki Needs An Adult after making this discovery. And he’s so distracted by those sexy nips that he isn’t able to stop Sugiki from making a grab at his dick. Which, as it turns out, is a bit stiff.

Top 10 Manga Betrayals: Suzuki’s dick getting hard from man nips.

Suzuki stays in panic mode for a bit, and when he snaps out of it he finds that his dick is no longer in his pants, but in Sugiki’s hand.

He protests a bit, but then is like, fine, I guess I’ll let you jerk me off. And goes back to thinking about those nips and how bad he wants to bite them and squeeze them, and also how he’d really like to just fuck Sugiki for good measure, too.

But as for the eternal question of who would be fucking who, Sugiki tries slipping a finger in to test the waters.

Which results in a big fat NOPE from Suzuki, so Sugiki just keeps jerking him until he gets off, getting just a mini facial as a splash lands near his mouth (we don’t see him lick it...but you know he wanted to).

As they’re getting ready to leave the studio, Suzuki brings up the “adorable” conversation from before, saying he’d imagine no one calls Sugiki that. Sugiki confirms that’s true, and Suzuki responds with:

Look at this man. That is all (again).

The second story, called Habanera, shows us what the Shinyas do when they’re each home alone. Suzuki, in a desperate attempt to prove his straightness to himself, is planning a porn marathon.

Meanwhile, Sugiki plans to watch a special DVD that features Suzuki doing a Q&A session. Which, for him, we can assume is the equivalent of watching porn.

A look at Suzuki’s selections. Bruh, I don’t mean to kinkshame, but...pig farm?

Just as he’s about to get started, he gets a call from some random chick he used to bang. He has no desire to chat, though, and hangs up on her, but while jabbing at his phone, he accidentally hits Sugiki’s speed dial, and quickly disconnects in a panic.

Rocking the Winnie the Pooh look here with his red shirt and no pants. Also, there are helpful warnings throughout the story whenever his (heavily mosaiced) dick is on panel.

Meanwhile, Sugiki is watching DVD-Suzuki talk about how to wink while dancing, and it’s making him feel A Lot Of Things

Back at the fap shack, Suzuki claims that just seeing Sugiki’s name made him go limp, because, you know, he’s Definitely Not Attracted To Him. He talks to his dick, trying to get it to firm up again. His dick has a girl’s name (Machiko) and is shown in some shots as having a face and wearing a little bow (yes, it’s as weird as it sounds. no, I can’t show it here).

The next video he has queued up starts, and well, I guess this is that pig farm stuff he’s into (which really just seems to be a domme lady berating the viewer)

Back at Sugiki’s, DVD-Suzuki has moved on to teaching how to blow kisses.

Yeah, this is definitely porn for Sugiki. And as he watches this he’s a bit miffed that it seems like Suzuki acts a lot cooler when they’re not together.

Meanwhile, Suzuki’s fantasizing about the sexy lady dominating him...except, the person in his fantasy starts to change from a porn star to...

Oh look, the man he’s Definitely Not Attracted To happens to show up in his fantasy while he’s beating off. He tries to make the image go away, but then eventually settles for keeping the face but having the rest of the body be the porn star.

Sugiki is practicing his kiss-blowing with DVD-Suzuki as his imaginary partner. And when he finds out that there are other DVDs like this one, he quickly starts searching for the back issues of these pornographic very educational videos.

After Suzuki shamefully blows his load to the thought of the Sugiki-faced female porn star, his phone starts ringing. It’s Sugiki, returning the call he accidentally placed earlier. Though to Suzuki, the timing feels suspiciously like Sugiki had been watching him or something...

[sarah-blue-eyes]

2020 In Review

Hoo boy, here we go.

[Ok just before I begin. I had this queued to post in the first month of January but it doesn’t seem like that ever happened haha. Better late than never I suppose!]

So I am a nostalgic bitch, and since 2011, have loved to make memory boxes for each year, where I put trinkets and memories into a shoebox. This year I have continued that tradition, but I have also kept track of my happy memories throughout 2020 in my planner. This was done with the intention for me to upload a year-in-review sort of thing in hopes that maybe like, 3 people max on this god-forsaken site will read it. This sort of reminiscence was inspired by my friend @a-lbeit​, who has done these for a few years now and me, as a slut for nostalgia, was encouraged to do the same back in January (I think? What even is my memory at this point?)

2020, as it has been for many, was a very shit year, and I am no different. I would safely say that this year has undeniably been the worst I have lived through. But I am here. I am present. And I have made it through some of the darkest times to face 2021 with a new sense of hopefulness. Keeping track of my happier memories has been something that has truly got me through this clusterfuck of a year, so I am glad that I can finally go through them all again and share them with you.

Read it, or don’t, I don’t give a shit what you do with your time, but if you do, I hope that you aren’t bored to tears. And I hope to keep myself accountable to continue to do this for years to come.

Buckle up, grab a hot drink and a snack and get comfy, because this is a JOURNEY.

January:

· Kicked the new year off with hosting a 1920’s themed party with some of my closest friends at my family home at the beach. Had fun with drunk SingStar, playing What Do You Meme, creating a playlist with everyone’s top 3 songs of the decade (it was a bangin’ playlist I must say), and just overall drinking too much and having a riotous time

· I remember going to the beach New Year’s Day (as is tradition in Australia) and playing ultimate frisbee in the shallows and completing a crossword puzzle on the sand (I am a 75-year-old woman, it is just a fact of life)

· I also had my friend Kirsten from South Australia stay with me for the New Year’s period and it was lovely to have a guest over! I haven’t spoken to her much this year, she sort of fell off the face of the planet, but I hope she is doing ok.

· Went town to Torquay (a beach town in Victoria) for the 6th time for Beach Mission, which is essentially a holiday program for kids in preschool-year 9 where we run activities for them. It’s a Christian-based program but the aim isn’t to convert the kids or anything like that, it’s more to show God’s love to them through our actions and how we as Christians live our lives. It’s also a convenient way for parents to dish their kids off for a few hours too haha. This was my final year of being a part of this program, and I am so pleased to have made so many memories and (hopefully) impacted many children’s lives during my time there

· I remember going on a late-night beach walk with my boyfriend Josh, talking about what the year had in store for us. We were just sitting on the beach, as you do, and I saw a shooting star. I can’t remember what I wished for (if anything) but in that moment, life was a dream.

· The week after beach mission I started at my new internship! It was for a place called KidsCo, who run school holiday programs at workplaces, so parents don’t need to take time off work to look after them. I helped with client relations and a lot of behind-the scenes stuff. I really loved it there

· On the very first day of my internship I remember there was torrential rain, and the train home was delayed by like, an hour or so lol

· One of the best parts about interning at KidsCo was that they were the official child-minding service for the Australian Open. I make an effort to go each year, but I was lucky enough to get free ground-entry for me and a guest for the duration of the event. I went quite a few times and got to take my mum and Josh along as well.

· Saw my only concert of the year, The Veronicas, at the Australian Open. When I say the moment the violin riff at the start of Untouched absolutely went the fuck off is an understatement. Grade 5 me would have cried (and 23 year old me did a little bit too tbh.) Yet another of one of my “all-time-favourite-songs” that I’ve had the pleasure of hearing live. (I also went through the year feeling sad that this was the first time in 11 years I hadn’t gone to a concert, but this one certainly fell through the cracks)

· Started planning my trip to the UK to see my twin sister, and best friend, Jess

· Went away to Rye for the Australia Day weekend #changethedate. An excellent time with excellent mates, and went to the beach pretty much every day and got mindlessly sloshed every night

· Listened to the Triple J Hottest 100. I think 4 of my picks made it in, which was pretty good

· Continued my job as the office manager/events coordinator at my church

February:

Basketball started back after the summer break for my two different teams, The Vikings and The Wildcats (honestly such a highlight of this year with how the rest of it ended up going)

As a team-bonding activity at KidsCo we hired a boat for a few hours and I got more drunk that I had been for a while. It was a very fun time jetting down the Yarra, waving drunkedly at the people jogging by

For Valentine’s day Josh and I had an indoor picnic with our favourite food! The weather was shit for Feb, hence the indoor nature of the picnic

Saw Shrek the Musical with two of my closest pals, Bec and Katie (I honestly forgot that this happened in 2020 hahaha) but it was ICONIC

Had a Jackbox night with The Boys

Had my cousin Amy from England over for dinner! I hadn’t seen her in 5 or 6 years, so it was so lovely to connect again like no time had passed at all

Went to Healesville Sanctuary, a lovely conservation park which focuses on preserving and educating its visitors about Australian animals, with Amy

 Went to mini-golf for a friend’s birthday on the leap day. He technically celebrated his 6th birthday which was excellent

Saw Cody Ko and Noel Miller live with Bec and Katie

Finished working at the church office to make room for the potential job opportunity at KidsCo

March:

Ahhh March, you shitstorm of a month. This is where everything started going downhill.

The first thing of note that happened this month was me injuring my ankle at basketball, which had me out of action for a few weeks. It was especially bad because I was nearing the end of my internship and was hoping to do my best work so that I would be chosen to stay on as an employee, but had to take a week or so off to rest my ankle. My ankle would continue to be tender and sore for most of the rest of the year

Went away for the Labour Day long weekend with the family

Finished up my internship at KidsCo. Honestly was lead to believe that I would be staying on as an employee and felt sort of betrayed after all the work I did for them, but whatever

 Had a party at Bec’s house to listen to Triple J’s Hottest 100 of the Decade. One of my favourite songs was number 1 which was a pleasant surprise

Went down to the holiday house for a few days just to have so me time and sort myself out

Animal Crossing New Horizons came out haha. Honestly was one of the highlights of this year though. I stayed up until midnight so I could download it as soon as it was available because that’s the sort of person I am  

Mum’s birthday dinner with Dani, one of my best friends, and her girlfriend Amy

Went for a hike at Sugarloaf Reservoir with Josh and got spooked by a mob of kangaroos

April:

My mental health started really taking a downward spiral this month for multiple reasons which I won’t get into here, but this is more a note to my past self to say that it will all be ok I guess? Idk I just felt like this needed to be here

Did my ankle badly again on Good Friday

Watched the Overwatch League live with my friends and just memed in the livechat lmao

WARNING - this is a bit TMI but I am going to share anyway since it was a big part of this year, and if you are reading this you are either a stranger or a good friend so I really don’t care lmao: This month I also started to get bad pains in my uterus, like, not period pains but deep, stabbing pains. This continued on for the next few weeks without me doing anything about it, except for increasingly getting stressed about it, although I will talk a bit more about this later.

Josh and I celebrated our 6th year together which was ~wholesome~

Called my friend Ashley from the US and just caught up. It was nice to see her face again. She is a good egg. I haven’t talked to her since but I really hope she’s ok.

May:

Watched Star Wars with Josh and his family for “May the 4th”

Started a volunteer job at Kivuli, a non-for-prophet that is based in Kenya, and started helping out with their website and social media stuff

Zoom movie time with my friends, we watched How To Train Your Dragon I think? Athough everyone was talking over the movie so I didn’t really get anything out of it

Played Scattergories (one of my favourite games) with Bec and Jess on zoom and just wrote really stupid and funny answers and I remember this being just what I needed

Went for a long walk with mum and one of her friends and her daughter on a track we don’t usually go on, which was a nice change of scenery

Went down to the holiday house for the first time in forever since restrictions were eased, at least for a little while lol, with the fam

Went to Portsea for a walk along the beach with Bec and her husband Trevor

Did an online trivia night that night with a big bunch of friends

Had a doctor’s appointment to see what was goin’ on down there. Honestly freaked that it could be something REALLY bad. Got booked in to have an ultrasound the next week, so at least I’d be finding out what was wrong soon.

The day after I got my results was the 21st of May, the day my mum and I were meant to be flying out to the UK to see my sister and her boyfriend. It was already hard enough a month or so before when I had to cancel my flight, but this day was so SO difficult. I can’t remember the last time I cried so hard. I am so blessed to have a boyfriend like Josh though. He was by my side the whole day, and held me as I cried. Oh man I am crying as I write this now, it was such a hard time but I know I will see my sister again.

And then the day after THAT whole ordeal was my birthday, which was meant to be spent in London with Jess but it turned out to be the first birthday we’ve had apart. This day was also hard, but made better by being with loved ones and having dinner at my grandma and grandpa’s house. Grandma’s roast potatoes make everything better.

Went to Geelong to see the other side of my family, it was so good to see my nan again. I love her very much.

Went to the Briars with Bec and went on a lovely nature walk and saw a lot of little wallabies and even an emu

Had an ultrasound and my pain turned out to be a 10cm wide cyst!!! So fun!!!!! Thank the heavens it wasn’t a child. I was so relieved. It is still in my body so that’s cute tho.

June:

Applied for a bunch of jobs, and even got a few interviews! Still no job.

The absolute highlight of this month, and maybe even the whole year, was going away to Lake’s Entrance and Yarram with mum, dad and Josh. It was so good to go to the country, I love country towns so much and the wildlife and nature is so beautiful in the eastern part of Victoria. If you ever get the opportunity I recommend going there!

We ate so much nice food and just relaxed. It wasn’t a perfect replacement for not going to Europe, but it was something at least.

Did more work for Kivuli which kept me busy

Went to Bec’s house to bake a cake. She came out to me as bi this day too, and the cake was coloured like the bisexual flag!

Started a short course through the university I went to in Facebook for Business. It was a great way to build up my skills.

Played Animal Crossing with Dani’s little sister, Tami, a very wholesome time

Looked after Josh’s dog Jed while his family went away for the weekend (also went into the start of July) and was honestly the greatest time

July:

Halfway through the year. Thank fuck.

Had another job interview

Went on lots of walks

Was just generally cold

Did a lot of cleaning

Painted the downstairs rooms at church, which took a few days and a lot of back pain, but it’s cool to think that I was able to contribute my energy and time to something while I was not feeling good at all

The restrictions were tightened again, meaning that I couldn’t go further than 5kms away from my house, except to see Josh, so this was a really lonely time for me.

Really got into Masterchef with mum this season. They had all returning contestants from other seasons so that was really fun to watch.

Got and assembled a new couch upstairs that I can say I actually own myself. I absolutely love it.

More walks, despite the cold

This was a very uneventful month, but that’s ok!

August:

Had a call with the hospital I’ll be having my cyst surgery with. It was good to know that things would be started. I had to have a blood test and a second ultrasound then put on the waiting list for surgery. Still no sign on when that will be happening though 6 months later. Just so lucky to live in Australia where all of these appointments are free.

Went for a really nice long walk with Josh. Got shat on by a bird.

Did lots of stuff around the house, just tidying and watering the plants and sorting through my wardrobe to purge all the clothes I grew out of

Had an online Switch games night with some friends which was fun. We played Smash Bros. and Mario Kart and just had a great time!

Ok this sounds super lame but my favourite podcast, The Jenna & Julien Podcast, finished forever which came as a surprise and was just really sad. I really hope it comes back one day.

Did my tax return lmao

Baked rice puff/marshmallow bar things

Made an ASOS order to fill my happiness with material things. Did get some cute clothes and lingerie tho 😉

More games with Bec and Jess, we played Golf With Your Friends this time

Had a cocktail night with Josh, where we just made a bunch of fun cocktails and got drunk. I can’t wait to live with him so we can do this all the time.

Lots of Kivuli work, as we are planning for our 10th anniversary fundraising event

September:

Baked cookies, which was something I did a lot at the start of lockdown but sort of drifted away from. I absolutely love to bake.

Started working for Media-Wize, a small PR company that was started by someone I know at church.

Started playing Among Us at the start of the month

So many Among Us nights omg, just call me queen impostor please

Did my induction for Media-Wize

Got  n e r v o u s  because I kept getting things wrong in my new job. I always seem to fuck up the good things and opportunities that I get

Did a livestream reading of The Great Gatsby on my friend’s Twitch stream. It was really fun and something I had never done before. I voiced Tom Buchannan, which was interesting but cool to sort of get into the character. I hope to do something like this soon.

I burnt my hair while cooking dinner and had to give myself a haircut lmao. It was the first time since 2018 that I had cut it so it was a long time coming anyway.

So much Media-Wize work. It felt good to finally be getting paid to do a job

Got locked out of my bathroom so I had to climb up the laundry chute to unlock it from the inside, all because a fly outsmarted me (it’s a long story… and honestly best told by speaking it)

October:

Had the Kivuli 10th anniversary livestream. Lots of work went into it and it was so much fun! It’s incredible that a non-for-profit that has benefitted so many children and families is still going strong. Such a blessing to see.

Dad’s birthday, and we had a picnic with grandma and grandpa and saw them for the first time since lockdown was somewhat lifted

Walked to Beasley’s nursery with Josh and got a coffee. This was the first proper, not McCafe coffee I had had in months and it was SO good

Played Animal Crossing with Dani

More Among Us, a theme for the last few months of 2020

Watched the AFL Grand Final. Wasn’t super exciting this year tbh, especially since we couldn’t have a BBQ or party or anything, but hopefully next year will be different

Nearly moved out of home with a friend of a friend, but since I didn’t have a job, didn’t think it would be a wise decision. Would’ve been nice though

Did some more Media-Wize work. I haven’t been given anything to do since this time though, so I don’t know what’s going on with that? They really be ghosting me tho.

Applied for JobSeeker so I would at least be getting a little income

New Jackbox came out, and had a games night with The Boys playing all the new games

Voted in the local election

Went to Westerfold’s Park with Josh for a lovely long walk

Played lots of The Sims 4 (but tbh I have been doing this all year)

November:

This month things sort of started to turn around, as Covid wasn’t hitting my state hardly at all, so I was actually able to see family and friends again!

Went to my old primary school with Dani and played basketball and just shot around and talked. She also came over for dinner. It was so nice, and she is a true friend.

Had a picnic at the park at the top of the street with my dad’s side of the family, all together at last

Melbourne Cup Day, not that I really care but it’s nice to get a day off. Went on a day trip to the Dandenong mountain range. It was so, so nice and bought some lovely little things from local shops, went for a bushwalk and had a bakery lunch

Went to the park to throw the frisbee and kick the footy around with Josh and his friends, although they are my friends too tbh

Had a picnic with a group of friends that I hadn’t seen since January, so it was so, so good to catch up with them and have a delicious BBQ dinner

My favourite online comedy group, Aunty Donna’s Netflix series came out! Had a virtual watch party with a few friends and binge watched it all in one go

Had lunch with grandma. This used to be a weekly occurrence but for obvious reasons was put off for this year. I absolutely adore her and every lunch we spend together is so precious to me

Went to Kyneton with some of the family as another day trip

Christmas shopping time again. So weird to be at the shops and feel sort of normal? I went 4 different times in the span of a week and a half haha

Josh’s birthday! We went to this maze place with has a bunch of big mazes and other fun activities. It was such a perfect day. Then we had dinner with his family.

Got a letter from the IRS saying that I needed to provide them with proof of identity, so that was fun trying to sort that out. We love the outdated US tax system <3

Went to a bridal shower for my friend Katie

Went for another hike with Josh to the mountains

Drove down to Geelong for a friend’s wedding and stayed at my nan’s house

Had a pub dinner and Jackbox night while down in Geelong with The Boys

A good friend of mine was leaving to live in Japan for two years, so I went to her house one last time to say goodbye and chill in her pool and just hang out

God why is it so hard to get a job?

December:

Omg we have made it to December. It truly is a miracle with how this year went tbh. And if you have read this far, thank you but also, how little of a life do you have?

Went to my friend Katie’s wedding. Sort of surreal to go to a wedding during a pandemic but it was fun and I got to see a lot of friends I hadn’t seen in a while

Enjoyed the hot weather and went to the beach a number of times with a variety of friends

Went Christmas shopping, and just shopping in general since it was safe to and shops had finally opened again

Got a job at a talent agency where you get gigs as a paid extra in TV shows and movies, which was pretty cool! I even had a professional photoshoot to get headshots done, something that I had never done before. Glad that I could get some pictures to use on LinkedIn though haha. Still haven’t been cast in anything but here’s hoping.

Had dinner and drinks with Josh, Bec and Trev in the city for the first time since it reopened. God I love Melbourne so much. It is just so magical on balmy summer nights. This was such a special evening, and was so good just to be in the city again

Had a lovely day with Dani, starting with breakfast and then going on a hike before the weather got too hot. We went to Sherbrooke Forest, a place I hadn’t been before, and it was incredibly beautiful

Had a number of job interviews this month too, none of which got back to me which was annoying :/

Now it was heading into the time where every weekend is packed with Christmas do’s so I’ll just collate them in this point. Lots of drinks were consumed and many delicious roast dinners

Had our annual Christmas Carol’s service at church. It was a blessing to be back in the building for the first time since March, and to be able to do something I love (singing) with some of my best friends was the best

Christmas eve I went to my grandma and grandpa’s house (on dad’s side) to help them set up for Christmas lunch. Spending time together just the three of us is so special, and I am so glad I was able to come over and just chat and be in their loving presence. Then that night I went to our 11pm church service to bring in Christmas day. It was a great service and was great to see our kick-ass minister give a sermon face-to-face.

Ok here we go, Christmas was a doozy, let’s go. So Christmas lunch was, as I said, with my dad’s side of the family, which is always a great time. Cracking open crackers and fighting over who’ll get the bottle opener or nail clippers is always a highlight haha. But we had the fucking best roast potatoes I swear. I need to know what my grandma puts into them because I could genuinely eat 20 of them and still have space. Then the rest of the afternoon was spent in a food coma until I went to Josh’s house to spend dinner with his family. Another delicious meal and great banter was what I needed, although I can safely say that I put on at least 5 additional kilos after that day.

The next day the fam and I headed to Geelong to see my mum’s side of the family. Was a great drive down and I listened to all of The Avalanches new album which had just released. Easily the greatest album of the yeah hands-down. So we spent lunch there and absolutely stuffed ourselves with more food. Three Christmas meals really took a toll on me, but I am just blessed as it is to have a loving family and food on the table.

The next day dad, Josh and I headed to the beach to spend that weird time between Christmas and New Year’s. To get there we took the ferry that goes from Queenscliff to Portsea, which is always a fun time, since we don’t often go from one side of the bay to the other (if you don’t know the geography of Victoria I apologise lmao). Mum didn’t come with us as she had some symptoms of Covid, so went home to isolate and get tested. Thankfully she tested negative and she joined us the next day.

Once I got back home I had to prepare the house for my friend Jono who was visiting for new years from SA. Many last-minute chores and cleaning was done haha.

New Years Eve! Went to pick up Jono and my other friend Sarah from the airport and dropped Sarah off at her accommodation and ended up staying there with Jono for a while as this was where the New Year’s party was going to be. Although, in true Victorian fashion, our premier announced that there was going to be a limit of 15 visitors at any house from 5pm that night. Excellent. We love a last-minute change of plans. So we had lunch and spent the afternoon at my friend’s house before heading to a local park to chuck the frisbee and kick the footy around. We also had our second annual NYE trivia competition, which my team lost by 1 point!! Dang I get so competitive, but we will win next year, I can feel it. The new year came through uneventfully, we were in the middle of a game of Scattergories or something like that when someone changed the channel on the TV to see the Sydney fireworks across the screen and like, 4 second left of the countdown. I gave Josh a bog ol’ smooch and gave my friends a big hug. We had done it. 2020 was defeated.

Conclusion (damn this really be an essay tho)

This year was undeniably the hardest year I had ever been through. Going through unemployment for the majority of the year and having no sense of purpose hit me hard but I am entering 2021 with the hope and willingness to get on track with my career. And I think I will be successful. A lot of truly awful things happened around the world this year as well, with the devastating bushfires at the start of the year, the powerful BLM protests, Coronavirus absolutely destroying lives and many, many other global events but through it all, here we are. I hope you all keep well this year and that your 2021 is infinitely better than your 2020.

Song of the Year: Tangerine – Glass Animals

Album of the Year: We Will Always Love You – The Avalanches (I CANNOT stress this enough, but you absolutely must listen to this album!)

TV Show of the Year: The Mandalorian - Season 2

Movie of the Year: Bombshell (the only movie I saw at the cinemas so didn’t have much to go with)

Memory of the Year: Going away with my family and just enjoying time away with each other

Thank you for reading this, if you’ve made it this far, you’re a real one <3

[yntcdtyler]

so here’s my lover secret session’s story... 02/08/2019 london 🏹🇬🇧

i got my dm on twitter on july 16th at 5:15pm and i looked at it thinking someone was trying to boo boo the fool me and it was really gonna say something like “stream ME!” so i opened it not thinking much of it and my heart literally SANK when i saw it was actually REAL. i got the phone call 4 days after from a girl called sara who was from Taylor Nation, she told me everything and i was literally in the storage room in work crying.

so it’s finally august 2nd.. i got up at 5am cause i literally had 4 different trains and 2 ubers to catch, when i finally got to my hotel it was around 11am, i checked in and got ready and went to the meeting point. i was literally the first one there so i panicked thinking i was at the wrong place but more people started to show up and immediately everyone formed little friendship groups who they seemed to have stayed with the whole day which was insane. i met lisa and emma which i’d recognised from twitter because we’d been following each other for so long and then georgia, evie & shiv all came over and we all just bonded and instantly became friends and realised we we’re the brits of the group, there were SO many international fans and it was amazing seeing people come from all over the world! our group was first on the bus and i’m not sure why but we were literally all crying like wtf was going on?? we drove past a few ambulances thinking ‘that’s gonna be our ride home after tonight’ cause at this point i’m like dying and then we finally got to THE HOUSE.

we all go inside, the ME! playlist was on, there was a huge moose head on the wall which we all became really intrigued by, a huge mirror to see ourselves ugly crying, there was food & drinks and little m&m’s with ‘lover’ and hearts on them and i have no idea what was going on in my mind at this point, like i didn’t know what to expect.

so then we all go to the living room we’re there was a bunch of cushions on the floor and a chair and speakers in front of us and i KNEW what was about to go down lads, it’s about to happen, we’re about to hear lover and i just wasn’t ready and i was sat THERE in front of the chair and a few minutes later... SHE COMES OUT FROM BEHIND THIS DOOR LOOKING LIKE LIKE AN ACTUAL GODDESS THAT JUST STEPPED OUT OF HEAVEN AND I DEAD ASS DIED RIGHT THERE THINKING ABOUT THAT AMBULANCE I SAW EARLIER ON CAUSE SHE JUST WASNT REAL. so she’s like “welcome to the lover secret sessions” and the noise that came out me was actually not human at all. she played half the album the first and kept apologising for ranting and going off topic which was so funny, she’s so adorable i was literally in awe. then was like “we’re gonna take a break so you can all go the bathroom, have a drink and stretch your legs” and then mentions she’s made us treats and everyone’s like OMG and she’s literally like “it’s just rice crispy treats i dyed in heart shapes” and it was just the funniest thing bc she’s just so sarcastic but they were the cutest things and just knowing she spent time making them was honestly insane. like i ate a rice crispy heart treat..made by taylor swift? sounds fake. so then as she’s passing them around, she’s goes into the garden and starts talking to everyone and thanking people’s parents and let everyone on her trampoline and just shouts “THESE ARE MY KIDS” with a glass of wine in her hand and it was such a taylor swift moment. it was just surreal like wtf? imagine bouncing on taylor swifts trampoline? i would’ve went on it but i wasn’t about to break my neck before listening to the rest of the album x

okay so we go back in to listen to the rest of the album and throughout the whole album listening part, i just kept crying and she kept looking at me and smiling and singing and i was just bloody in shock. there was one point during a song we’re me and georgia we’re holding onto each other crying and she just looks at us and tilts her head and gives us the most warming smile. right there we both died together it was unreal. but the album HOLY SHIT every song was INSANE. i found it so hard to pick a favourite so i have 3, this album is literally her BEST, and this coming from a speak now stan🤝 i was just the happiest i’ve ever been, it just seemed like a dream. seeing her sat there in front of me so happy and in such a good place, feeling so proud of this album and these songs just made my heart feel so full. what i was feeling in that moment is unexplainable. just pure happiness like i knew life doesn’t get any better than this... right it’s time for the meet and greets and everyone goes back in to the other room whilst they got ready and people started queuing then to go in and meet her, she spent so much time with every single person and seeing everyone’s faces coming out that room was so magical. the event was supposed to be over at 11pm and it’s literally 1:30am when it was my time to meet her. she’d literally been meeting people for HOURS and is 2 and half hours past the end time and she didn’t even mind. everyone was so eager to go inside that me and the girls decided to wait till the end.

so evie had just come out and now it’s my turn. i almost fainted, i was so dizzy and nervous and WHEN I TELL U I WAS PETRIFIED TO GO INSIDE, I ACTUALLY MEAN IT BECAUSE I WAS STOOD OUTSIDE THE DOOR REFUSING TO GO IN FOR ABOUT A MINUTE CAUSE I COULD JUST SEE HER STOOD THERE AND I WASN’T READY BECAUSE LIKE I’VE DREAMT ABOUT THIS MOMENT SINCE FOREVER. emma and lisa we’re stood there laughing trying to force me inside as well as a girl from TN. took me a good minute but i finally walked in, i walk over to her trying not to cry AGAIN and she’s stood there smiling at me and she says to me “it’s tyler isn’t it?” and i was like JDJSKDJD “yeah 😭😭😭😭” cause i didn’t think she knew who i was and i was just randomly picked by TN??? she then pulled me in for the biggest hug and i just felt like this is it, i’m gonna bloody pass out. I TOLD HER THAT WAITING IN THAT QUEUE TO MEET HER WAS LIKE WAITING FOR THE ELECTRIC CHAIR and i was like why tf did i just say that omg but she laughed and was like “omg hahaha it’s like waiting for the electric chair that’s so funny” then i gave her the lover necklace i’d gotten made for her so we had matching and she kept saying how much she loved and how beautiful it was. then said “i love your necklace” with a little smirk because i was wearing her ‘TS’ initial necklace and my heart just went HDAJHDJDDH. then she asked did i enjoy the day and i was like of course??? it was so amazing i couldn’t stop crying and she was like “aw i had so much fun, i love doing these” and then she asked how i’d gotten here and i told her that i had to take 4 trains and she looked so shocked and thanked me for doing that and asked if i was travelling afterwards and i told her i had a hotel and she goes “omg good, PLEASE don’t talk to any strangers” and i’m just like YEAH OF COURSE ANYTHING FOR U MISS SWIFT :’)))) i hugged her about 3 more times and i asked her about tour, and how she found me and she said she’d found me on tumblr and literally said “its tylovestaylor right?” and i was just like WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. IM SCARED. cause i barely use tumblr because i’m the only one who reblogs myself??? and i’d gotten my dm on twitter so my mind was like wtf is going on right now?? i told her i changed my url and she said she’d follow me 🥺 then says “so do you wanna like... take a picture together or something?” YEAH OF COURSE, IM A BIT OF A MESS RN BUT ABSOLUTELY. she asks what i wanted to do for the photo like stand, sit, go near the piano? and i told her to choose because my mind was just all over the place and she says to me “i think one sitting down with our legs crossed over acting all (then does some pose) and stuff” i just couldn’t believe what was actually happening. we sit down next to each other and she grabs my hand and i’m just holding her and the photographer takes the photo and she tells me to have a look to see if i like it and i said i looked so bad and she goes “ITS SO CUTE, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL AND PHOTOGENIC” then the photographer told me i was really photogenic and tay goes “SEE SHE EVEN SAID IT” did taylor swift..who invented photos and beauty... just call me beautiful and photogenic? surely not. so we took one more pic and she said she loved it so i loved it😭😭😭 we got up and hugged again and i just kept saying i love you and she told me i was beautiful and i was like SO ARE U???? and then i told her that i still don’t believe she’s real and she laughed. we hugged again i told her i loved her as i was walking out she shouts “please get home safely” and i said “have a safe flight wherever you’re going next” at the same time and she laughed and was like “OMG THANKYOU?” and i walked out and the emotions i was going through oh my god. i’d just met my favourite person in the entire world? like never in a million years did i think i’d ever meet her let alone get handpicked for secret sessions. i was in so much shock like it wasn’t real. that never happened? i’m still in shock now and literally crying writing this. she was so lovely and welcoming and spoke to me like she’d known me forever.

AND AFTER ALL THAT, SHE DECIDES SHE WANTS ME LITERALLY DEAD AND LIKES MY POST ON HERE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. RIGHT AFTER I’D MET HER.

i couldn’t get over how beautiful she is, inside and out like i already knew that but seeing her in real life is so different, she’s literally flawless and so cute and delicate and i’ll literally die for this woman. thankyou so much, from the bottom of my heart @taylorswift for choosing me out of 100m+ fans, i’ll never understand why i was chosen but i can’t explain how grateful i am. it was by far the best day i’ve ever had in my 18 years of being alive, nothing will ever come close to that moment. i cant wait for everyone else to hear this album, i miss you and your hugs already and i forgot to tell you because my mind was blank but i’m insanely proud of you and will support you forever. promise.

[artificialqueens]

Blue Neighborhood Series: EASE (Jan-centric) - Mac

AN: Again, nothing I do would ever come to completion without Meggie being my rock and betaing this monstrosity. I love her and I hope yall like this one!

Summary: The students of Eastview Highschool are still reeling from a post by their school drama account. Jan is too busy with auditioning for the school musical to pay much mind to a bit of teenage angst. Jan is too busy in general. But she’s not overworked. She’s totally fine. She can handle it. She has everything under control.

6:00am: Wake Up

Jan’s eyes slowly adjusted themselves to the morning light just beginning to peek through her curtains. She didn’t groan, didn’t add five minutes to her alarm. She rolled up and out of bed.

She pulled the sheet taut where she had messed it up while sleeping and tucked it back under her mattress, doing the same to the blanket. She fluffed her pillows and set them upright, and finally placed her little stuffed bunny in the center of the pillows.

She knelt down to pull the drawers from under her bed. She selected a random combination of shorts and t-shirt before queuing up her morning run playlist. She noted a text from Gigi and about eleven other people.

G: no idea.

G: u sure it’s one of our girls?

J: Looks like our uniform.

7:00am: Shower

Jan didn’t fuss too much in the shower, rinsing herself down quickly, but making sure to apply her favorite body soap generously along her legs and arms. It smelled like peaches and always reminded her of summertime.

She brushed her teeth in the shower too. When she mentioned offhandedly to Jackie one day the older girl had looked grossed out. Jan didn’t mind.

It was more efficient that way.

7:20am: Breakfast

Jan kissed her mother on the cheek as thanks for another delicious meal.

She fussed after Jan, telling her to be safe on her way to school and to text her when practice was over. Jan assured her mother that she would and skipped out the door, bookbag in tow, without another word.

7:30am: Walk to School

Jackie had taken to walking in the morning with Crystal and her weird art friends recently, so it was just Gigi and Brita that met Jan at her door.

Jan greeted them with a warm smile and made it about halfway down her porch steps before Brita launched into her many theories about who on the cheer team was sleeping with a basketball player.

The picture had made the rounds last night. Jan was up doing an online lab for her college chemistry course when she got the notification.

Yes, she had her notifications on for the school drama account. Sue her, but she liked to be in the know about things.

She immediately recognized their cheer outfit and hadn’t hesitated before contacting every single girl on the team to inquire about who was making out with Eastview High’s All Star basketball player.

No one on the team fessed up.

Jan wasn’t concerned per se. It was their prerogative to make out with whoever, but if this was about to be a scandal, she’d rather be ahead of it.

“When I first saw it I thought it might be you, J,” Brita said, turning to shoot a look at Jan.

“Oh my god, Brittany!” Jan shook her head as if it were the wildest idea she’d ever heard.

“I’m just sayin’.” Brita held her hands up in surrender. “My first thought was good for her. She needs some stress relief.”

“I don’t need that kind of relief.” Jan chuckled.

Brita just hummed skeptically.

Jan turned to look at Gigi who was being awfully quiet that morning, “Who do you think it was, Gigi?”

“I have no idea.” Gigi just shrugged.

Jan wasn’t convinced. Gigi was staring at her shoes like they were the most interesting shoes on the planet. She clearly knew something she wasn’t telling them. Jan made a mental note to prod her for details later.

“Well, the tall one was definitely Hall. That’s for sure,” Brita continued rambling.

“Why do you say that?” Gigi asked innocently.

Now Jan was sure Gigi knew something. Everyone with two eyes and half a brain cell knew the person not in the cheer uniform was Hall. Jaida was the damn captain of the team. The most lauded person in their highschool. Everyone knew what she looked like.

Brita looked at Gigi confusedly. “Besides the obvious, it’s her truck in the picture.”

“It could have just been someone else on her car,” Gigi spoke quietly, clearly losing her nerve.

“I doubt it. Did you see how tall the other person was?” Brita shook her head. “No, it’s definitely Hall.”

The conversation lulled a bit as the three made their way into the school building, through the metal detectors, and headed down the hallway to their lockers. All conveniently located next to each other.

When Gigi had asked how that had happened Jan had just shrugged and said that being student body president had its advantages.

As they sifted through their lockers for their books, Jan mused. “But which one of our girls would be sleeping with Hall?”

Brita thought a moment before holding up a hand to count off her fingers. “Well, start with which ones are gay. Jackie, Gigi-”

Jan cut her off. “You don’t have to be gay to wanna sleep with Hall.”

“Okay, true.” Brita giggled.

“For straight girls, you both sure talk about how hot Jaida is a lot.” Gigi gave them both pointed looks, before continuing. “Besides, half the squad is gay that doesn’t help.”

Brita and Jan agreed and gave up theorizing for now as they waltzed into homeroom with their arms linked.

7:40am Homeroom/Announcements

Jan shot their homeroom teacher a smile before excusing herself to the front office.

While being the student body president did have its perks, it also had its responsibilities. Namely, the announcements every morning.

Jan greeted the ladies at the front desk and spent the better part of ten minutes cooing at pictures and videos of their young children that they always insisted on showing her. Jan never minded. It always made them smile and it made her smile, so it was a win-win.

Principal Visage came by a few moments later. She gave Jan a warm smile and ran her through the announcements for the day, handing over the slip of paper with the same information.

Jan took it eagerly and attempted to strike up a conversation with her principal. But Mrs. Visage wasn’t one for small talk and excused herself shortly after the homeroom bell rang. She gave Jan an encouraging smile, though, before disappearing into her office.

Jan readied herself by the microphone and smiled as a couple of students filed into the office to make announcements for their various clubs.

Bryce showed up at 8:00 on the dot and Jan chastised him for giving her a heart attack. Her VP slash boyfriend of two years just smiled. “You know I’d never leave you hangin’.”

Jan didn’t have time to retort before the bell rang. She took a deep inhale and exhale before pressing down on the intercom and putting on her cheeriest voice.

“Good Wednesday morning Eastview High! I hope you guys are ready for the football game this Friday. Get excited! Go Eagles!” Jan paused to look over at the students in line. “We’ve got quite a few student announcements this morning so I’ll let them take it away.”

Jan moved back and allowed each of the line of students access to the mic to plug their after school activity or club. It was still early in the semester so there were quite a few. Jan herself made plugs for both the cheerleading and soccer teams.

“Now to your VP for the most important announcement, lunch.”

Jan turned to Bryce who smiled goofily. “That was a Jan-mazing joke there!”

Jan could hear groans from the nearby homerooms. She just smiled. Early on in their relationship, Bryce had somehow decided that making puns out of Jan’s name was peak comedy. Although, he had a weird grasp on what counted as a pun. She had tried to explain to him that the joke wasn’t funny unless the word already had an ‘an’ in it. He still didn’t seem to get it.

He even got her a necklace for the anniversary that said Janmate. Like soulmate… but… her name.

She took it all in stride though and forced a laugh anyway.

“For lunch we’ve got chicken and pizza-”

Jan spaced out for a bit as Bryce went on about the menu for today. He cracked a few jokes and the ladies at the front desk practically swooned. Jan rolled her eyes fondly. Bryce had that effect on people.

She closed out the announcements with her encouraging quote of the day and a reminder to get tickets to Friday’s game.

8:15 - 12:20: Classes

Jan was taking all AP classes this semester which meant she had to work ten times harder to keep up with everyone else. Yes, she was still in line for salutatorian, and yes, she could probably get As in every class without lifting a finger, and yes, she was taking college courses in addition to her current course load, and no, she wasn’t overworked.

12:25: Lunch

Jan threw her pile of books in her locker with little regard to how they tumbled against each other at the bottom. She grabbed her purse and Gigi’s hand and the two made their way down to the lunchroom.

Jan waited until they were in line, trays in hand, boxed in by students on either side of them before finally asking, “So what aren’t you telling me?”

Gigi tensed immediately and tried valiantly to keep eye contact with Jan, “What are you talking about?”

Jan grabbed a yogurt from the fridge and turned back to face Gigi. “You know who’s in the picture don’t you?”

“No,” Gigi answered too quickly.

Jan wasn’t convinced. “Well, you know something.”

Gigi grabbed two slices of pizza while shaking her head, “I really don’t, J. Honest.”

They made their way up to the register and Jan smiled warmly at the lady running the machine. She gave her a glare in response. Jan paid for her lunch and waited patiently for Gigi to do the same.

Jan knew she wasn’t going to get anything more out of Gigi. They had grown up together and Jan knew better by now than to keep pushing.

But a little part of her did wonder. “Who are you covering for?”

“No one. I’m not covering for anyone!” Gigi exclaimed.

“I know, I’m teasing.” Jan gave a giggle.

Gigi huffed but allowed a small smile to grace her face.

The two sat down at their usual table. Bryce, Brita, and Brita’s boyfriend Bruno all came and joined them a bit later.

Lunch passed in a blurr. Jan half-listened to Bryce talk about the football team and their upcoming game. The rest of her time was spent worrying her bottom lip between her teeth and mentally running through her lines for her audition tomorrow.

1:25-3:30: Classes

The afternoon always seemed to pass slower to Jan. She noticed three times that her mind had drifted off and away from the work in front of her. She really needed to get a grip. And maybe some more sleep tonight.

4:00pm: Cheer Practice

Jan led the girls through another grueling practice.

Ten laps to start, stretching exercises, pyramid clean up, full routine until they got it perfect.

It was nowhere near perfect when six o’clock hit, but there wasn’t time to dwell on that. There wasn’t time for much of anything.

Roll up the floor mats, change for soccer practice, eat a granola bar on the way to the field.

6:10pm: Soccer Practice

Jan had been playing soccer since she was 5.

Her parents swore she came out of the womb juggling. Jan always laughed and told them that was anatomically impossible. Her father then would say she got her mother’s humor.

Practice was fairly uneventful. Tiring as hell, as usual, but it always left Jan feeling accomplished.

8:00pm: Dinner and Homework

Jan was thankful for the light load today. When the spring musical started up, she would really be stretched thin. Luckily for now she only had cheer every school day and soccer three days a week and soccer games on weekends and her college class every other day and being student body president every day and keeping her 4.0 GPA…

It was manageable. For now at least.

Jan scarfed down the leftovers her mother had set aside for her and started on her pile of work. She was usually good about keeping on top of homework, so it only took a few hours to get everything done. She checked in on her college chemistry course to make sure she had turned in her lab quiz. She had.

When Jan looked up it was already 11pm. She sighed and knew her parents and brother were most likely asleep by now. She would have to practice her audition song outside.

Jan hopped in the shower and rinsed herself off, hoping the steam would help her vocal chords and the grime coming off her like a sheet would help her feel better.

She tiptoed down the stairs and out her back door. She walked to the edge of her backyard and perched herself up on the fence, trying to get distance away from the houses so she didn’t bother anyone.

She shivered as the cool air bit at her exposed ankles.

She started humming softly, reaccustoming her voice to its own music. She took her time, running through warmups softly until she felt secure enough. She let herself get a bit louder and heard their neighbor Rock shut her window pointedly.

Jan sighed. She needed to practice.

She kept going, letting the notes extend past her mouth and fill the night air around her. She counted off in her head and hit each beat perfectly on cue with the music forever spinning in her mind.

A window opened from a nearby house, but it was too dark to see who it was or where it was.

Jan kept going, getting into the chorus and letting her control slip and her voice do what it wanted to. The air around her seemed to crackle with electricity and her heart rate increased as she hit the high note and this… this was what Jan lived for.

The crickets, an appreciative audience continued their chirping as Jan finished the last lyrics.

Somewhere, much closer than was comfortable came a soft clapping. It startled Jan at first.

She looked over to see none other than Jaida Essence Hall leaning over Jan’s fence to applaud her. Jan, ever the performer, gave a mock curtsey and Jaida chuckled lightly.

“Hey, Jaida,” Jan said in greeting.

“Hey, Jan.”

They didn’t do this. They didn’t talk like this. Like friends.

Not that they weren’t friends.

They had grown up together.

Although, Jan grew up with everyone in this neighborhood so that wasn’t really saying much. Although they had all grown up playing games in the middle of the street, running around in the heat slick sun and scraping their knees on solid concrete. And that meant a lot as a kid. It still sometimes meant a lot.

“How are you?” Jan asked.

Jaida’s demeanor suddenly changed and she let out a bitter laugh. “Oh you know.”

“I really don’t.”

There was a pointed pause. “No, I guess you don’t,” Jaida mused.

The silence stretched between them and the once calming air of the outdoors suddenly felt stifling.

“I’m sorry.”

Jaida looked up. “Why? You take the picture?”

“No!” Jan shook her head. “But still. I’m guessing this isn’t how you wanted things to go.”

“You’d guess correct.” Jaida sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “You gon’ ask me who it was? Has she told you yet?”

Jan bit her lip. She wasn’t going to ask, no matter how much she wanted to know. “No. And no. No one told me anything.”

“Hmm. Weird. I woulda thought you knew from the start.” Jaida seemed almost… shocked. Like she figured Jan already knew. Like she figured Jan had this dirt on her and oh, now Jan understood what this was about.

“I don’t know who it was. And even if I did, it’s none of my business.” Jan spoke firmly. “Is that why you came down here then? To make sure I wouldn’t tell?”

“No! Well yes, and no.” Jaida looked down at her feet guiltily. “I knew you weren’t the type to go spreadin gossip, but I wanted to make sure.” Jaida looked back up to meet Jan’s eyes “plus I hadn’t heard you sing since we were little.”

At Jan’s confused expression, Jaida laughed a bit, “You tellin’ me you don’t remember when we were growin’ up and you and Jackie would put on these elaborate plays and keep us all hostage til we clapped?”

“We did not keep you hostage!” Jan exclaimed.

“Roxanne nearly pissed herself one time!”

“She did not!”

A voice rang out above their heads. “Did too!”

Jaida and Jan looked up and over to see Rock leaning out her window to gaze down at them.

“Rock, what the fuck?” Jaida asked in between confused chuckles.

“Sorry, I was just listening to Jan singing and I heard my name so I thought- I just thought I’d- I’ll just go now.” Rock made a show of closing her window, but the shadow of her head was still visible through her curtains, making it clear she was still listening in.

Jan just laughed at the ludicracy of it all. She found Jaida doing the same.

It was strange. That after all this time. All the ways life had changed them, they still stood here, laughing in spite of it all.

Jan and Jaida’s eyes met and for a brief moment it felt a bit like lightning. A bit like they were supposed to be here right now. Together.

Jaida must have realized she was staring because she coughed a bit awkwardly. “Well, I should let you get back to it.”

Jan felt her stomach drop at the notion, but she nodded. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah.” Jaida smiled before turning on her heel and disappearing back into her yard. Jan found herself surprised to be missing the other girl’s presence.

She shook it off and went through her song a few more times before deciding to call it a night.

She made sure to shout a goodnight to Rock, who she was sure blushed at being caught out, but returned the sentiment nonetheless.

Jan tiptoed back up the stairs to her room and set her alarm for the morning.

7:22am: Wake Up

Jan woke up like a flash. As if her body instinctively knew something was wrong. The light filtering through her curtains was way too bright for it to be 6:00am. She looked over to her phone and her heart leapt at the time.

She bolted out of bed and threw on the outfit she had laid out the night before. She didn’t have time to do her makeup, a pre-audition ritual she always partook in. She didn’t have time at all before she heard a knock at the front door.

She raced down to see Jackie, Gigi, and Brita all looking at her concerned. She looked a mess probably. Jan tried to give them a reassuring smile and said she’d be right down and she just had to grab her bag and her sheet music.

She closed the door lightly and sprinted up the stairs, grabbing the aforementioned items and giving herself one last onceover in the mirror.

Jan knew this wasn’t the end of the world. In reality, she had only missed her morning run and shower, which was fine. Everything was fine. It didn’t feel like her world was suddenly crashing down around her.

7:35am: Walk to School

The group walked in relative silence. At least for Jan’s part. She was running through her lines over and over and over in her head, while Jackie encouraged her softly and Brita and Gigi talked in hushed tones all the way to school.

Jan hardly even registered the fact that Jackie was walking with them today. When she asked about it, the older girl just shook her head and said not to worry about it. Jan agreed to drop it, if only for the fact that the nerves in her stomach were making it hard to talk.

Jan bid Brita and Gigi goodbye at the auditorium doors. Jackie hung back, clearly sensing that something was wrong.

“Are you okay?” she asked, genuine concern creeping into her voice.

Jan nodded. “Yeah, I just woke up late and it freaked me out.”

Jackie nodded but seemed unconvinced. “Well, you got this.” She gave Jan’s hands a squeeze. “Don’t worry.”

Jan gave her a small smile and nodded.

She did. She totally had this.

She walked into the auditorium, greeted the director and the stage manager and got all the way up on stage before she realized that she actually didn’t have this. That maybe for the first time in her life, Jan really wasn’t going to do well at this.

It was a stupid thought. A silly voice that she could usually shut out.

But now it was the only thing she could hear.

She couldn’t hear the lines being read out to her or the start of her music. Something inside her had snapped and she couldn’t shake the feeling of dread creeping up on her.

As if to further rub salt in the wound, right as she was about to hit the high note, her voice cracked.

Jan wasn’t delusional.

She had known this balancing act would come to an end eventually. She was doing too much. Everyone said so.

But she couldn’t seem to stop herself either. She just had a lot of love in her heart. And she needed to show it somehow.

Or maybe she just wanted to be good at something. So she had tried a bit of everything and when she found that she wasn’t truly exceptional at any one thing she just kept doing everything. Maybe she had been hoping that no one would realize how lost she truly was if she just did everything.

Because Jan felt lost.

And it hit her like a truck everytime she stopped moving. So she hadn’t stopped moving.

She had known this balancing act would come to an end eventually. She just didn’t think everything would come to an end now.

Jan ran out of the auditorium and into someone. She opened her mouth to apologize but a familiar voice cut her off before she was able.

“Hey, I was just gonna come wish you luck-” Jaida took in Jan’s frazzled appearance. “Are you okay?”

Jan looked up at her, tears blurring her vision that much more. “I-I-” Jan could hardly speak, let alone explain all that was wrong with her at that moment.

“What do you need?” Jaida said seriously.

“I don’t know.” Jan’s voice sounded strange in her own head and she couldn’t stop gasping for air. She hardly noticed the crowd that was quickly forming around them.

“Okay, come here, people are starin’.” Jaida grabbed Jan’s hand and led her out the nearest doors and out to the back parking lot.

Jan was still breathing heavily and doing her best to articulate the fact that she still had to go do the announcements.

“Nuh-uh, baby, you gonna stay right here till you can breathe again,” Jaida asserted.

Jan tried to insist that she had things to do, places to be. Jaida just sat her down against the cold brick wall of their high school and assured her that everything was going to be fine. Jan went to argue, but the sight of familiar red curls coupled with unfamiliar dark ones caught her eye.

Bryce, Jan’s boyfriend of two years, came stumbling out from under the bleachers with a petite brunette following close behind him.

Jan recognized her immediately. Dahlia.

Bryce had this giddy smile on his face and looked to all the world like he had just had the time of his life. Dahlia was just laughing at him and clutching the strap of her book bag like it was a lifeline. The pair didn’t see Jan and Jaida at first.

If Jan had any more pride left in her; she’d feel remorseful for yelling at him.

But she didn’t.

She stood up and started screaming at the top of her lungs about how much of a scumbag he was. About how he never really cared about her and was only ever in their relationship for the VP position. It made perfect sense to Jan why he would cheat. And with Dahlia no less. A girl she looked nothing like.

Jaida had to steer her away from the pair of lovebirds or Jan was going to do something really stupid.

“Hey, hey, it’s not worth it.” Jaida tried to speak calmly.

Jan wasn’t having it. She pulled out her phone with every intention of recording her cheating boyfriend and his side chick when she saw a notification from the school’s drama account.

She had been tagged in a picture.

Before she could think too much about it, Jan clicked on the post. She felt dread seeping into her stomach. The picture was of her and Jaida standing awfully close outside the auditorium. Jan’s heart nearly gave out at the caption.

A player on and off the court.

Before Jan could process what the hell that meant her phone lit up with notifications.

She managed to single out Brita’s name from the bunch and opened their conversation. Jan could feel hot tears pricking the edges of her eyes, which only served to blur her phone screen more.

B: y didn’t u tell us u were the one making out with Hall?

That was the final straw.

Jan broke down.

She broke down. At 7:58am on a Thursday morning, leaning against a dirty brick wall with a girl she hadn’t spoken to in years dabbing at her eyes with the edge of her shirt.

[shewritestheblues]

The Elevator Bae | Chapter NINE

Chapter NINE - PART ONE

EIGHT

Erik Stevens x Black OC (Phoenix)

Word Count: Idk. 5k... I think.

A/N: I didn’t want this chapter to be too long, so it’ll be broken up into two parts. | Song lyrics referenced are not my own. They are from Mila J x Friend Zone. ** Major S/O to my good sis @liyahshaeking​ for helping me figure out how I wanted to start this and proofreading this for me. You are a Gem! and reminder: this is my side blog and all further chapters and other fics will be posted from this page. 

Erik’s face beamed with joy as he looked at his phone. Phoenix had just sent him a mirror video, showing off her bright, red bikini. She whips her box braids off of her shoulder, revealing a familiar gold chain around her neck. Music was playing in the background and just before the video ends, Erik spots one of her friends dancing behind her, photobombing her video. Without a second thought, he saved the video before playing it again, making sure the sound isn’t on. But that wasn’t enough for him. He needed to see more of her. He bit his lip as he shamelessly goes right to Phoenix’s instagram. Ironically, she had just uploaded a group picture with all of her friends on the beach. Each of them looking perfectly tanned as they glowed under the sun. They were cute, Erik could admit that. But his baby girl was the cutest. He used his chubby thumbs to zoom in right on her. The smile she wore, made his heart flutter. She was happy. Her being happy, made him happy. Just as he was about to tap her profile picture to get caught up with her story, a voice brought him back into reality.

“Damn, E! She’s cute.”

Erik was suppose to be hanging with ‘the boys.’ They were currently at TJ’s house smoking, talking shit and playing 2k. Well… that’s what everyone else was doing. Erik was currently, laid back onto TJ’s couch, cuddling with his phone. He was so caught up in Phoenix’s video, he didn’t even realize that he was the topic of the shit talk. TJ, Mario, Ken and Ken’s girlfriend, Stephanie, who was deemed ‘one of the bros’, were going in on him. Without even noticing, Stephanie had made her way behind Erik and was watching as he pretty much drooled over Phoenix.

Erik whipped his head around to see Stephanie leaned over the couch, watching his every move. His nostrils flared at how comfortable she seemed behind him.

“Do you know what privacy is? Damn!”

His friends burst into laughter causing Erik to realize that this was a set up. Stephanie was chosen to spy on Erik to see who in the hell was on his phone making him grin and cheese like a kid with a grade school crush. He glared at all of them as they fell over.

“Y’all childish as hell.” he says, shaking his head.

TJ walks over to Erik, sitting next to him. “So is this a new one?”

“Mhmm. I ain’t never seen this one before.” Stephanie chimes in.

Erik cuts his eye at her. “Why does it matter?”

“We’re just trying to find out which one of your hoes finally got you stuck.” Mario says from the kitchen.

“She ain’t a hoe, so watch your fucking mouth.”

Stephanie continues to lean over the couch, scrolling on her phone. She was able to see Phoenix’s IG name from when she was towering over Erik’s shoulder, watching him examine her latest upload. She was currently scoping out Phoenix’s page. “Where you find her at, E? She looks like she has morals.”

Confused, Erik looks at Stephanie. “Fuck you mean?”

She holds up her phone, displaying a selfie that Phoenix had on her page. TJ snatches the phone and starts looking through the pics, prompting Mario and Ken to join.

“Damn, E! She’s nice.” Ken says.

Erik tries to take Stephanie’s phone from them but TJ grips it tighter to stop him. “How the fuck did you even find her page?”

Stephanie laughs, “I peeped it when you were zooming in on her ass.”

“I fucking hate y’all.”

“You need to be plugging me with one of her friends.” Mario says, licking his lips at some of the group pictures Phoenix has with her friends. He points to Camren. “She looks like she needs me.”

TJ shows Erik who Mario is referring to and Erik sucks his teeth. “She gay. She doesn't need or want yo’ ugly ass.” He reaches for the phone again. “Are y’all done?”

TJ moves back quick, giving Stephanie her phone. “How long you been fucking with her?”

Erik doesn’t respond. He sits there looking forward. His face is blank. He’s annoyed that they now know about Phoenix. He wanted to keep her to himself for as long as possible and now they know. Now, they would be asking about her. They have her social media info and knowing Stephanie, she would reach out to introduce herself. She was always ignoring boundaries. A part of it is because the guys were her only friends. So, when one of the guys had a new lady friends, she would insert herself, trying to make friends with them. This has happened to Erik three times now. But of course, those girls were just fuck buddies. This was Phoenix. Big difference.

“Aw, it’s her birthday?” Stephanie says from behind him. Erik looks back to see what she’s talking about.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

“I’m watching her story.”

--------

Phoenix and her girls had made plans to go out to dinner at a local restaurant. They were all in their rooms, getting ready. Music is blasting through their villa home as she slipped on her navy blue, floral romper. She unwrapped her braids and put on Erik’s gold chain. She figured she’d give it back after her trip since it seemed to go with all of her outfits. Applying some mascara and her Fenty highlighter, she just needed to decide on what shoes to wear. Wedges or Sandals. She picked up both pairs of shoes and heads up the hallway to see what her friends would think.

Peeking into each of their rooms, she notices that they are all missing. In true Phoenix nature, her mind takes her to the worst case possible. They were kidnapped and killed and because the music is so loud, she didn’t hear a thing and now she has to escape before the killer gets to her. She tiptoes down the marble stairs, trying to be as quiet as possible to listen out for anything going on downstairs.

Suddenly, she hears movement coming from the kitchen and the music stops. Phoenix is internally freaking out. She stopped in her tracks to peek around the wall and releases the breath she was holding when she sees Ava’s back, standing at the kitchen island. She walks in, shoes in hand. Tiana was the first to see her and yells, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” Queuing Ava, Mica and Camren to start yelling Happy Birthday at her and popping a few confetti cannons. Big silver balloons hung over them, spelling out BLUE 28. Phoenix’s heart is glowing through her chest as she smiles so big at her friends. Her eyes begin to water when she sees a cake on the counter. “Oh my God. Y’all didn’t have to do this. This is Camren’s trip.”

Phone in hand, recording the entire thing, Ava grabs Phoenix with her free hand to hug her. “Did you really think we weren’t gonna do anything for you?”

“This is both of our trip.” Camren adds.

Phoenix hugs and thanks each of them. Mica pulls out a tiara and a Birthday Girl sash, putting them on Phoenix. “You look so pretty.” She looks down at the shoes that Phoenix is still holding on to, “And wear these.” She points to the sandals. “You’re getting fucked up tonight. You won’t be able to walk in those wedges.”

“SHOTS!” Camren yells. Ava lines the shot glasses up and Tiana fills them up that they overflow.

One shot. Two shot.

“Let’s go eat.” Phoenix says. The car arrives to take them to the restaurant and they go. Her birthday was the only time Phoenix would eat steak, so she ordered the biggest one they had. As they enjoyed their food, they drank drink after drink and had three more shots, each. With liquor pumping through their bodies, the women were hyped and ready to move their bodies. Mica lead them all to the dance floor on the other side of the bar and they danced. The natives of the island danced with them, cheering them on as they twerked on each other. A few native men joined them. One in particular noticed the tiara on her head. “It’s your birthday, love?” he asked.

His accent intrigued Phoenix. “Yes it is.”

“How old are you?” he smiled. His teeth were the purest white. His skin was a beautiful mocha. He whined his hips with hers as they danced and talked.

“I’m 28.”

“Can I show you a good time for your birthday, Ms…?

“Phoenix.”

“Oh, Phoenix. I like that.”

Phoenix nods in approval. The mystery guy motions to the DJ and a new song begins. The man places both hands on Phoenix’s hips, bending her over and grinding on her to the beat. He turns her around, picking her up.

“Oh, bitch!” Mica yells eagerly, recording the pair. Ava cheers them on. When the song was over, Phoenix’s covers her smiling face in embarrassment, walking back to her friends.

The mystery man then sends each of them another round of drinks on him. They raise their cups to him in gratitude. They continued to dance on each other.

-------

Ava did her best to stay awake to make sure they made it back to their villa safely. The rest of them were knocked out. Mica would come to every few minutes and then pass out again. The sound of a phone vibrating, stirred Phoenix. She sat up, digging in her bra for her phone.

INCOMING CALL ERIK

“Hello.” that one word was slurred.

“You got me fucked up.” Erik’s voice boomed through the phone.

“Erik…” she dragged his name like a song, “Hey babe.”  Mica’s head snapped up when she heard his name. Phoenix can barely hold the phone up to her face so she puts it on speaker, not at all expecting what was coming next.

“Don’t fucking babe me when you down there showing yo’ ass. Who the fuck is this ugly ass nigga you letting feel on yo’ ass?”

“What?”

“Oh you wanna play stupid now? Like you don’t know what I’m talking about?”

“Is that Erik?” Camren lifts her head from the car window, “Tell him to shut up.”

“WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?”

“Erik. Relax.” is all Phoenix could get out.

“Yo’ ass need to relax. Letting random niggas fuck on you.”

A group of voices is heard from Erik’s background. “Is that Phoenix? Hey Phoenix.”

“Who is that?”

There’s a pause on Erik’s end.

“Hello? Erik. Who is that?”

“Nobody.” his voice is now low compared to before. Almost like he’s whispering.

Mica rolls her eyes. “Can this nigga go find something to do? We’re busy.”

“I can find something to do, alright. I’ll fly down there right now and drag all y’all thot asses back here and ruin all that shit. Think I’m playing.”

“Erik…” Phoenix calls to him.

“Let me see you dancing with another nigga, Phoenix. I promise you that’s yo’ ass.”

That was all that Erik could get out before Phoenix’s phone dies. She stares at the black screen for a moment before putting it back into her bra.

-----------

The next morning was rough. As the women sat and ate breakfast, Phoenix sat with her plate on the floor next to a plug to charge her phone. She didn’t remember her phone dying but when it turned on, her heart dropped. Four missed calls from Erik and six text. He had never blown her phone up like this before. What happened last night? She thought.

Erik: Phoenix! Answer yo’ fucking phone.

Erik: Yo’ shit better be dead.

Erik: On Bast, I will fuck you and that nigga up Phoenix. I’m not playing.

There’s almost a  two hour wait before the next set of messages.

Erik: Philly.

Erik: I’m sorry baby girl. I shouldn’t blown up on you like that. I know you wouldn’t be down there on some crazy shit.

Erik: Just call me back.

He’s sorry? Really? Phoenix’s palms grew hot reading the messages. This screams red flags for her and she’s not with any of it. Her thumbs moved quickly texting him back.

Phoenix: Wow Erik. You are really full of shit. Don’t you ever crack open your lips to talk to me that way. I’m not one of these basic bitches that you’re use to fucking with. I won’t deal with any of that kind of disrespect. Keep your stupid ass sorry because I don’t want it. Do me a favor and don’t call or text me. Leave me alone.

Phoenix figured Erik would still try to contact her after that, so she proceeded to put her phone on airplane mode. If he wanted to be this way, he’d have to deal with the consequences of it. She slammed her phone down, gaining the attention of her friends, sitting at the table. They watched as she joined them at the table, sharing a few glances. They could read the frustration all over her face. She silently added more food to her plate and angrily stabbed her fork into her waffles as she ate.

“Is everything okay?” Ava asked.

“I am done with Erik.”

---------

**the night before** 

After more stalking of Phoenix and her friends pages to see what they were doing on the trip, Erik sees a video of Phoenix and the mystery man on Mica’s page. He stepped away from his friends, into the kitchen to call Phoenix. Although the kitchen wasn’t secluded from them at all. He planned on being rational about the situation but when she answered, his emotions took full control and his mouth started moving faster than his brain. Barking out, “You got me fucked up,” which drew the attention of his friends sitting just feet away in the living room. Hearing how her words slurred, he knew she was drunk but that didn’t stop him from continuing to lash out.

His friends, not realizing the seriousness of Erik’s feelings, yell out, “Hey Phoenix.” Erik snarls at them, getting the message through to them that right now isn’t the time for their bullshit. When Phoenix’s phone hangs up on him, his rage reaches a new level for the night. He calls her again and again, reaching her voicemail. His thumbs smash his keyboard sending her messages. Not receiving any responses from her, he decides it’s time for him to leave. He begins storming out of TJ’s home. TJ follows behind him.

“Aye man. E!” TJ calls out to Erik as he approaches his car in TJ’s driveway. Erik turns around without saying a word. “What the fuck just happend?” TJ continued.

“Nothing. I’m good.” Erik tries to avoid this conversation. He opens his car door, but TJ closes it shut, prompting Erik to glare at him.

“Do I look stupid to you? How long have I known you?” TJ asks.

TJ and Erik grew up together. They both lived in the same building before Erik’s dad was killed. TJ was his closest and only friend after that. He was the only person he stayed in constant contact with during his stay in foster care. Erik would sneak out most nights and stay with TJ and his mom at their place. These two ran the streets together until Erik went away to school and the NAVY. They were like two peas in a pod. TJ knew Erik better than any person on the planet ever could. He knew when something was wrong with his friend.

Erik stood there between TJ and his car. He had nothing to say, but at this point, he knew TJ wasn’t going to let it go.

“You know you tripping, right?” TJ continued.

“I’m tripping? Nah, fuck that. She’s tripping! Letting some nigga be all on her like that.”

“E! C’mon man, calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down.”

“You acting like she was fucking the nigga or something.”

“She might as well had been.” Erik stepped closer to TJ, bringing them eye to eye.

“See man, that’s your problem.”

“My problem?” Erik cuts him off, “What’s my problem, huh?”

“Just snapping for no damn reason. You’ve always done this stupid shit. Shoot now and ask questions later. That shit might work out on the field but that’s now how shit works in real life, E. You’ll run that girl off just like you run damn near everybody else off with that shit.”

Erik kissed his teeth, “Man, fuck on.”

“I always told you that you needed to calm the fuck down. It’s gon’ come back and bite you in the ass.”

“Oh, I guess Kayla leaving your bum ass made you a relationship expert.” Erik spat.

Kayla was TJ’s ex. They were together for five years until Kayla broke up with TJ about six months ago. TJ was always putting work first and cheated on Kayla while doing so. When she had enough, she left and never came back. The breakup was still fresh for TJ, so it was a low blow for Erik to bring it up.

“Yeah, E! It fucking did.” Erik could see the anger in TJ now. He had triggered him. “I fucked up and now I’m not trying to see my nigga fuck up his own situation. I ain’t never seen you act like this over no female, so clearly you like her. But honestly, I wouldn’t even blame her for getting rid of your dumb ass. You got too much baggage.”

Erik was done listening to what TJ had to say and started getting into his car. This time TJ didn’t stop him, he just continued to talk.

“Go ahead and walk away. Just like you always do. You can never face your shit, Erik. You can’t run away from your demons.” he shouts as Erik starts his car and pulls out of his driveway and driving off.

Erik raced through the semi empty streets of LA. It was pretty late so not many people were on the road. He dipped in and out of lanes, making his drive home a quick one. He entered his penthouse and headed straight to the bathroom, stripping out of his clothes and getting into the shower. The video of Phoenix dancing with another man playing in his head over and over followed by TJ’s last few words to him. You can’t run away from your demons. He stepped out of the shower and laid his bare body across his bed. As if a wave of calmness rolled over  his space, he suddenly felt… foolish. He knew he overreacted. He replayed the nights events over to see where everything went left. He sent Phoenix another text, apologizing before closing his tired eyes and drifting off to sleep.

-----

When Erik woke up the next morning, he hadn’t  received anything from Phoenix. Was she pissed? Was her phone still dead? Every kind of scenario possible ran through his mind. He barely got through his morning workout because of his overthinking. He would stop between sets checking his phone for any new notifications, even though his phone wasn’t on silent and would alert him if he had any. He decided to turn his phone off, leaving it in his bedroom while he locked himself in his office to work.

Hours had passed before he finally stepped back out of his office. The urge to check his phone hit him immediately after stepping out of his office, but the sounds of his hungry belly forced him to head downstairs to the kitchen. He took his time cooking up some salmon croquettes and cheesy grits. He picked around at his food. He needed to check his phone. He traveled upstairs to grab it and watched the apple sign glow as he made his way back down, sitting back at his kitchen counter. His phone came to life, with One New Message: Baby Girl and a missed call from TJ. He didn’t even bother to think about calling TJ back. He slid open the message from Phoenix.

Heat began to form in the pit of his chest as he read her message over and over. His thumbs hovered over the keyboard, trying to think of something, anything to say back. But she made herself clear: Do me a favor and don’t call or text me. Leave me alone. Not able to come up with anything to redeem himself, he decided to do as she asked and leave her alone. He closed the message and locked his phone. Erik finished the rest of his food, put on some fresh clothes and headed out the door.

-------

Phoenix and her girls rented some ATV’s for the day and spent the day exploring. They shopped at some small shops and got food at a local cafe before returning back to their villa. They all had been tired from partying the night before, so this night would be spent chilling and relaxing. As the night came to an end, everyone headed to their rooms to get some rest.

Phoenix laid in her bed for what felt like hours, trying to fall asleep. She flipped her pillows countless times to feel the cold side, she tossed and turned, and she even tried to count backwards from a hundred. Nothing worked. She reached for her phone and for the first time since that morning, she took her phone off airplane mode. Her first action was opening her messages and tapping Erik’s name. She just stared at her last message to him. Not knowing what to do, she exited out and tapped her IG app. She scrolled and scrolled, liking a few pictures until she found herself mindlessly tapping through Insta Stories. She stopped when she got to Coby’s story. He was in the studio and playing a snippet of a beat and it sparked an idea in her.  “I need to write.” she whispered to herself.

Phoenix got up and pulled out her trusty notebook from her luggage. She wasn’t supposed to bring anything work related with her but she knew at some point, inspiration could hit her. She dug into the bottom of her purse for her airpods and headed downstairs. She made her way outside into the backyard of the villa. The pool lite up blue and she found a comfy spot on one of the cushioned chairs. Popping in her headphones, she turned on a beat and let the music sing to her. She closed her eyes, feeling the warm, midnight breeze and hummed until she found the words.

Ride these hips like some handle bars // Do it on top of the car

No matter baby, I don't care // We can fuck anywhere

She sings as she writes her lyrics in her notebook.

-------

Mica stands in the dim kitchen, with the refrigerator open, looking for something to snack on. Nothing looked appealing but her sleepy mind made her believe that if she stared long enough at the food that maybe something tasty would just appear on the shelves. As she stood there, she heard the faint sounds of a voice. She closed the door of the fridge, trying to listen to where it was coming from. Her eyes followed the sound and she spotted one of her friends sitting outside. As she walked closer to the cracked open, sliding door she could hear very clearly now, Phoenix singing. She listened as Phoenix sung to herself. But what really caught her up were the x rated lyrics. How could someone so innocent be singing like this.

Now see normally, I do not do this shit // But ooh, I'm so ready to do your shit

Throw it back for ya cause you know the deal // When I hit ya back with that Netflix and chill

Mica stepped outside and started walking toward Phoenix. Naturally, as she walked, she didn’t make a noise. Phoenix having her earbuds in and eyes closed, she didn’t notice when Mica sat down in the chair next to her.

Let me tell you how I want it // Tell you just the way to hit // when you tryna push up on it

“Sounds like somebody missing that D.” Mica laughed, adding emphasis on D.

Phoenix jumped so hard, one of her earbuds fell out. “Oh my God!” She grabs her chest, feeling her heart pound. “What the fuck, Mica?”

“My bad. I ain’t mean to scare you.” Phoenix took deep breaths trying to calm her nerves. “Why are you out here though? You ain’t scared a lizard will pop out and attack you?” Mica continued.

“I couldn’t sleep. I wanted to be by the water and I actually never thought about a lizard or any other creatures popping out, but I am now though.” She rolled her eyes, peaking over her shoulder. When she looks back at Mica, she finds Mica grinning at her. “What?” she asked, with a bit of attitude.

Mica shakes her head. “Oh, nothing.”

“Mica… why are you looking at me like this?”

“I peeped your lyrics. Yo’ ass can’t sleep because you’re probably due for a dose of dick.”

Phoenix rolls her eyes. “I’m not due for anything. It’s just a song.”

“Girl, bullshit! All of your music reflects how you feel.” She watched as Phoenix anxiously bites the side of her mouth instead of responding. “It’s okay to admit it Phoenix.”

“There’s nothing to admit.” she snaps. “I’m just writing music.”

“Yeah, about getting your guts ruined by Erik.”

“Erik ain’t ruining shit.”

“Okay. Now you’re just lying.” Mica moves closer to Phoenix, snatching her notebook from her. Phoenix gives a small fight for it but Mica’s small frame is strong and she blocked Phoenix’s attempts to get it back. Mica read through the lyrics. Her eyes growing big as she realizes something. “Oh my goodness. Im tryna take you out the friend zone,” she reads. “You and him haven’t done the do, but you want to. You still want Erik to be your man.” she gives Phoenix a mischievous look.

Phoenix’s face heats up and tries to hide it from Mica. Mica jumps up and squeezes into the same chair as Phoenix. “Can you chill before you wake everybody up?” Phoenix says, covering her face with her t-shirt.

“I knew you were blowing smoke about being done with his ass earlier.” Mica snatches Phoenix’s t-shirt down from her face. “C’mon girl, talk to me. You ain’t let him break you off?”

Phoenix shakes her head no.

“Has he tried? Have you tried?”

“We’ve almost… like twice, but both times he stopped and said he didn’t want to.”

“Why?” Mica asked.

“The first time was after my show and we all went to In-N-Out. He walked me to my door and dropped the bomb on me that he would have to leave like the next day for work and be gone for two weeks. He didn’t want me to think he was having sex with me only to disappear.”

“Oh, like he did Sydney?”

Phoenix cut her eye at Mica. “He didn’t have sex with her.” Mica threw her hands up in surrender, motioning for Phoenix to go on. “And the second time is when he got back from his trip and he said he wanted to do things the right way and court me because he’s never done it for a woman.”

“Wait, what? What do you mean? He’s never actually dated a woman?”

“Nope! He’s never had a girlfriend. Just fuck buddies.”

“Hm.” Mica sounded impressed. “I’m going to need him to teach me his ways because I don’t really want these niggas. I just want the dick and that sounds perfect for me.”

“Mica!”

“What?”

“You know damn well you want Jimmy to be your man.”

“Aht! Aht! We are not talking about Jimmy right now. We are talking about you and Erik.” Mica pokes Phoenix’s chest.

“Actually,” Phoenix says matter of factly, “We’re not because there is no more me and Erik.”

“I get why you’re mad at him. I do! But I definitely think y’all can come back from this. From what you just said, I don’t think he was trying to be a disrespectful, wild nigga. If he’s never had a girlfriend then he’s never had those moments where you see the person you like, talk to someone else and your brain is all telling you to be heartbroken and you get that weird feeling in your chest. He overreacted, yes, but that man likes you, Philly! Maybe he didn’t know how to handle the thought of someone else knowing you the way he wants to know you.”

Phoenix bit her lip in thought. Does Mica really have a point right now? Mica was never the type to vouch for any guy. She was proudly Team Fuck These Niggas. So, this was new for Phoenix to hear from Mica. Mica grabs Phoenix’s face, looking her in the eyes. “I’m not saying to text him or nothing like that because it’s Fuck These Niggas for life. He should definitely suffer for talking to you like he lost his mind. But when you’re ready to talk to him, let his ass have it and make sure he knows that if he pulls that shit again, you will block his ass and go on like you never knew him. Once he bows down to you and kisses your feet for forgiveness, you snatch his soul.” Mica smiles which causes Phoenix to smile and Mica kisses her forehead.

“One problem, sis.”

“What?”

“I’m scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“The dick.” Phoenix whispers.

“Are you serious?” Mica laughs.

“Yes. Stop laughing at me.” she pushes Mica off of her, causing Mica to slip from their shared chair. “It’s been a long time since I did that.”

Mica catches herself and swiftly moves her body into the other chair. “I completely forgot that you’re a born again virgin. I would be scared too.”

“You don’t understand, Mica. I really don’t think I even remember what to do with a dick.”

“You want me to give you some tips?”

Phoenix nervously looks at Mica. “Tips? From you? I don’t know about that.”

“Fine! Lay there like a sponge then.”

“Wait, I don’t wanna be a sponge. I’m sorry. Help me.”

Mica hands Phoenix her notebook and pen back. “Open a fresh page and take notes.” Phoenix does what she is told and waits for Mica to begin. “Okay! Let’s start with oral. How you suck a guys dick is how you set the tone. Wait, you’ve given head before right?”

“Um, once. It wasn’t that bad.”

“Girl,” Mica palms her face. “I’m sure it was terrible.”

------------

Phoenix followed Mica’s advice on letting Erik suffer. For the rest of their trip, she didn’t text or call him. In fact, she kept her phone on airplane mode the majority of the time and never posted anymore pictures or videos on her Instagram. That didn’t mean Erik didn’t see what she was up to. He had no shame in checking in on Ava, Mica and Camren’s pages. He tried to see what was on Tiana’s page but her page was private. He needed to show Phoenix he knew he messed by handling their situation like he did. The fews days of them not being in contact, he had plenty of time to think about his actions. With Phoenix returning soon, he needed to figure out a way to get her back.

He sent a message to Shawn.

Erik: Aye man, this E.

Shawn: What’s up bro.

Erik: I need you to do me a favor. Give Coby my info. Tell that nigga to hit my line.

Shawn: Bet.

---------

Jetlag was creeping up on Phoenix as she sat in the backseat of her Uber. They had landed safely back in Los Angeles and she was headed home. The sun was setting and Phoenix took a beautiful picture of the sky as it glowed pink and orange. This being the first photo she uploaded to her InstaStory in days with the caption, no place like home.

Just as she hit upload, Erik watched as her picture popped up at the top of his screen. Seeing the photo confirmed that she’s home and his plan is set to start any minute now. He sat on his couch, waiting patiently for her to get to her apartment.

Tags: @purple-apricots​ @abeautifulmindexposed​ @lostennyc​ @tip222u​ @janelledarling​ @lushloaded​ @chaneajoyyy​ @thadelightfulone​ @raysunshine78​ @toniilaney @purpleskiesxhopefuldreams @elaindeereads @lyniya​ @liyahshaeking​ **If anyone would like to be added, let me know:)

[doyouwanteggyeggs]

Day 2: Please tell me you’re safe

Friday the 3rd of July. I thought to myself “God, I don’t want this night to end”. I  said it to him too. He didn’t reciprocate it like he did the last time we said we would go on a break. He said he needed to wake up and put on his underwear immediately as if he didn’t want me to see his naked body anymore. He asked me if I wanted breakfast and I said no so he offered to make me coffee instead. Something about his cold demeanor didn’t feel right and I realised that the last thing we spoke about that night, as I fell asleep, was me asking him how we were to spend the next few weeks apart. He said he was used to being alone and that we should try and enjoy being alone, catch up with friends, reconnect with family and just carry on doing work. I thought it was strange how calm and collected he was especially when he said that he was used to being alone after having spent an entire year with me. Something felt wrong. I waited for him to get into the shower before I reached for his phone, shakily entered the pin I remembered from golden plains, and began looking through his messages. For the most part, they seemed normal. It seemed he was in fact trying to reconnect with his old friends including an Indian girl who he kept pursuing for a drink who seemed to not really take interest and reply. I thought that was strange. I then went to scroll his Instagram to see who he had looked up. Had he looked me up everyday like I had looked him up on Facebook search and Instagram search. He hadn’t even once.

One more scroll, as my heart was racing from feeling wrong about doing this, shaking I saw something that made my heart pause. Tinder. The icon. I opened it and found that he had hidden his discovery. Perhaps he knew that he would be discovered by me or perhaps he didn't want to risk notifications when I was there. Either way, he was on Tinder gold which meant he had to pay for a subscription to it. It wasn’t an impulsive decision but rather a calculated thought out decision. I scrolled through all the girls he had chat up and realised they were older, fulfilling the “I need someone to guide me” criteria,  unattractive, and mostly just girls who seemed really desperate themselves. I took my phone out and recorded this for I couldn’t believe my eyes. Especially when I realised that one of the pictures on his profile, was a picture I had taken of him. I knew then that he had mentally clocked out and this was in fact over. He had gotten on tinder on the 25th of June which was one of the days HE decided he would be on a break. We were meant to meet that night for dinner but he said he needed that night to reflect on his therapy session from Wednesday and recollect his thoughts. Little did I know that he had exchanged numbers with girls, queued up dates for the weekend we were supposed to meet, and even called a girl because she’d asked to hear his voice. He hadn’t picked up my calls or texted me or called me like he usually did but here he was, texting these other girls and calling them so they could hear his voice.

Did our relationship really hit the wall? Was I so cruel to him and made him so miserable by forcing him to stay in a relationship he didn't want? Is this why he resulted to this type of behaviour and completely hurt all my trust in him? Suddenly I didn’t see the man I fell in love with. I saw a monster. A man that destroyed me completely as I forced myself to wail and become hurt. I left it open and started furiously getting ready. I had just made his bed for him and I was so angry that I even had. He heard the door open and came out of the shower to ask me what I was doing. He saw me cry as I waited for the elevator to take me away from this world I felt trapped in. I went back in and talked to him. I said how could you do this to me and he seemed to be shocked at first but then I saw his eyes rush to his phone as if he knew himself that he was up to no good. “Why did you do this to me? Why did you lie to me? I asked you I asked you. Are you on tinder? do you want to go on a break? do you want to be with other women? I asked you and you lied to me”

This is what his description read and this wasn’t easy to type, especially when one of his likes listed was Shiraz. Did he not think about me then....?

“Melbourne local but lived and travelled abroad. Work in Commercial Property (Marketing” 

5′10, pictures are recent, I’m developing a very strong iso-beard and can bring a puppy to a date.

Love travel, steak, dogs, shiraz, films, attempting to surf and my favourite families are The Simpsons and The Sopranos.

No 5-G conspiracy theorists”

I couldn’t stop crying. He was embarrassed and when I attempted to take his phone to show him the messages, he snatched it from me and threw it onto the floor. He tried to calm me down but I was beyond consoling. I was devastated, in so much agony and honestly, just felt like dying. I kept yelling at him, “I just want to die. I feel like death right now. You will never have good things in your life because you destroy everything that is good for you. Everyone you love you treat them like shit. Who loves you more than your mother or right after her? That was me. I gave you everything and this is what I got in return. You destroyed me. I want to die.”

I felt like dying. I wanted to get into my car and I hoped I would get hit by another car. I had to rationalise my feelings. I got into my car, took out a cigarette and smoked it. I texted Hasna with the video I took of him being on tinder including the hooker looking female he had made plans with for later. I didn’t know what to do or how to react. He kept texting me, please tell me you’re safe but I couldn’t care less. Why did he suddenly care about my feelings? did he think I was suicidal? He came downstairs 15 mins later and asked me to be safe through the window then said he would call me later. I didn’t give him any eye contact as he frantically gave up and walked towards the train station. I sat there for another 15 mins and then cried again. Except I couldn’t really cry. I was forcing myself to. Guess the antidepressants really worked. I knew he was going to Rye later today. If he really cared, he would have called my sister, called my friends and tried to get in touch with them. Cancelled his trip to Rye and come over to check up on me. It seemed like false concern and I didn’t want to entertain that. I knew he was done. But was I...? It’s almost as if my heart is resisting this breakup. How did I let myself get to this stage where I have completely given myself up to a man and let myself go?

It was time to reclaim my heart. And so I though I would start blogging the next few days of my life in the hopes that they get better and less painful with every post.

The next few weeks are going to be the hardest weeks of my life.

[xxwritemeastoryxx]

Forgotten Alliance Ch. 4

Author: xxwritemeastoryxx

Pairings: Eventual Elijah Mikaelson x OC with other parings mentioned throughout.

Word Count: 3.7K

Warnings: Not too much. Canon typical stuff.

Author’s Note: As a reminder, FA can be found on ffnet up to chapter 42. I am uploading chapters here on tumblr for convenience. I decided against tagging this until new chapters are posted. Of course there are a few that wished to be tagged and I will be tagging them in this. If you would like to be tagged please let me know! Chapters are queued and will be posted randomly. This chapter is set up with right before episode 3.15 and half the events of 3.15. Enjoy

Elizabeth's footsteps easily echoed in the empty cemetery. While Vampires were unwelcome there, Elizabeth had a right to be there. She may have been a vampire for over eight centuries, she never lost the respect she had for the dead. Even when it was her own family. Elizabeth carried a bouquet of flowers as she made her way to the family crypt that she had visited several times. Stepping inside she placed the flowers in the dusty vase. She ran her fingers over the first stone on the wall, removing the dust. The name Emmalina Claire appeared under the layer of dust. A small smile played on Elizabeth's lips as she took a step back. "I just want back what's mine. " She shook her head slightly. "You had no choice in the matter, I am willing to give the young one a choice." With out another word, Elizabeth walked out and headed to find the person she really wanted to see.

She needed to have a word with Vincent. While she had heard he didn't make any deals with vampires, Elizabeth hoped that with her being a family member of an ancestor, he would be willing to help. Finding Vincent by the alter, Elizabeth cleared her throat to catch his attention. He turned around and seemed rather annoyed that a vampire was wanting his attention again.

"I promise I am not here to torment you in any way." Elizabeth said staying in her spot.

"Then what is it you are here for?" Vincent asked as he eyed Elizabeth.

"I'm looking for a descendant of mine. I need her help. I was told you were the person to talk to." Elizabeth needed her descendant to help her with a particular spell.

"Who is it that you are looking for?" Vincent seemed to relax a bit.

"Davina Claire." Elizabeth said with a nod. And she had gotten the reaction she had expected from Vincent.

"What is it that you really want with Davina?" He asked taking a few steps towards Elizabeth. Elizabeth still stayed in her spot showing that she had no intention of hurting him.

"I have no reason to lie to you Vincent." Elizabeth assured him. "I only need her help with something. A spell had been given to Emmalina Claire long ago. Only our descendant can undo that spell. And while I wish it had been another witch, Davina is who I need."

"What is this spell that you need undone?" Vincent was now curious as to what Elizabeth needed the spell for.

"That is a long story." She said hoping to avoid talking about said spell.

"I have nothing but time." Vincent said moving his arm to point to the entryway. Elizabeth sighed and started walking, followed by Vincent.

Elizabeth paced in her room. It had been a few hours since she had visit Vincent and her mind was racing with thoughts. She wasn't sure if she wanted to go through with this anymore. She was no longer sure if she really needed Davina. She could just live her life with the spell intact. She had done so for many years. What was the harm in several thousand more?

"Your brain is going to fry if you keep thinking that hard." Malakai said as he sat in a chair with a book in his hand that he clearly wasn't interested in. "I thought the whole point of talking to the witch would make things better for you."

"That's not the point." Elizabeth said shaking her head. "I don't know if I want to do this. Its not fair to either one of us."

Malakai laughed. "You mean to tell me we left the most amazing party in Paris for you to change your mind about all of this?"

"No." Elizabeth said glaring. "We left that boring party in Paris because there was that chance we would be dying. And I had to make sure that-"

"That Elijah was safe." Malakai finished for her. "But you are in New Orleans. You told yourself the next time you were here you would get the spell from a Claire."

Elizabeth shook her head. "I don't know if I can ask her to do such a spell Malakai. She has been used by the Mikaelsons and by her own coven. She was shunned as well. I cant ask this of her. She wouldn't understand." She stopped her pacing and looked out the window.

"But isn't it worth it to be able to be free to feel the way you want to?" Malakai stood up and walked to Elizabeth, placing his hands on her shoulder. "She had that spell made for a reason, Liz. She's dead now. You saw to that when you ripped her heart out." That should have made Elizabeth smile but it didn't.

"What if I am not ready for it like I thought I was?" She looked over her shoulder at Malakai.

"Then hold off on actually talking to Davina." He kissed her temple and it caused a small smile to form on Elizabeth's lips. She wouldn't have been able to do this without Malakai here with her. While she had spent a good eight centuries without him, having him there with her the last three were enough to make up for the time they had been apart.

"ORPHAN, HYBRID! Your presence is requested." Klaus yelled out from his room. It caused Elizabeth to roll her eyes. They both left Elizabeth's room and head for Klaus's room.

"Must you yell for them Niklaus? They do have supernatural hearing." Elijah stated from his seat in Klaus's room.

"Should I give you a bell to ring when ever you need me?" Elizabeth asked as she walked in and took a seat across from Elijah. Malakai shook his head at Elizabeth and leaned against the door frame.

"Actually yes. And while you're at it, how about grabbing yourself a maids outfit." Klaus said with a smug look on his face.

"Bite me." Elizabeth said giving him a glare.

"Enough." Elijah said looking between the two. "Eight hundred years and you two still act like the same way you did towards each other."

"Circumstances, Elijah." Elizabeth said giving him a smirk. "Now what is it that you called us up here for?"

Klaus gestured to the letters he had sprawled all over his bed. Looking at them Elizabeth raised an eyebrow.

"You collect trophies from all your victims?" Freya asked. Elizabeth had smiled at Freya.

"Don't they always?" Elizabeth said shaking her head. Elijah gave her a slight look of annoyance and turned to Freya.

"Letters to their loved ones to be more specific." He said looking towards Klaus.

"Just out of curiosity, did you take anything from my family?" Elizabeth asked looking at the pile of letter. Klaus smirked and searched through the pile for a moment before holding a letter up. Anger filled Elizabeth for a moment as she stood up and snatched the letter from his hand. Her eyes had scanned the letter over and over that she had missed half the conversation being said.

"Well, Niklaus, if it offers you any solace whatsoever, Elizabeth ransacked Aya's belongings, you torched Aurora's hunting ground, and obliterated every last splinter of the white oak." Elijah's words had brought Elizabeth out of the letter.

"And I enjoyed being the one to ransack Aya's place." She said for her own need.

"I'd be mad to believe that ever last splinter had been obliterated." Klaus said with a growl.

"You already are mad." Elizabeth said at the exact time Elijah had said "Perhaps you should see a therapist"

It wasn't until after Klaus had walked out of the room, that Elijah had given Elizabeth a look she had known all to well.

"I know, I know." Elizabeth said as he turned to walk out of the room.

Malakai nodded towards Freya before he turned and walked out, going to his own room. Elizabeth sighed and turned to Freya.

"What's troubling you Liz?" Freya asked the moment Elizabeth turned toward her.

"Remind me the rules of magic." She said as she began to pace out of habit. "If one line of witches, creates a spell, can another line of them undo the spell?"

Freya had looked at Elizabeth with concern. "What did you get yourself into?"

"It was long ago, Freya. Just humor me, please." Elizabeth said hoping Freya would actually trust her enough to let it go.

"It depends on how big of a spell. What kind of spell are we talking about?"

Elizabeth hesitated for a moment. "Lets just say its a spell that kept a certain bond between two people concealed."

Freya's concerned look got worse. She was definitely needing to know what it was that Elizabeth had gotten herself into. "Unless you tell me more details than that, I wouldn't be able to tell you." Freya said shaking her head.

"Its complicated, Freya. And a terribly long st-" Elizabeth was interrupted by the sound of crying. A sigh of relief passed her lips. "I'll take care of her. Its been a while since I've held a baby." She took off to Hayley's room before Freya could ask anymore questions.

Hope's giggling had echoed through the room. Elizabeth had been keeping the girl occupied for some time that she hadn't heard or even see Hayley come into the room.

"She likes you." Hayley said, causing Elizabeth to jump slightly.

"I miss having young ones around." She said standing up and handing Hope to Hayley.

"When you were human did you have children?" Hayley asked curiously.

"One." Elizabeth said with a slight smile. "Unfortunately, I had to leave her in another village to protect her."

"Why?" There was a judging tone to Hayley's question. "Why would just leave her with someone else?"

Elizabeth chuckled and looked at Hope. "Wouldn't you do the same if you were human and had a husband hell bent on beating the both of you?"

"I'm so sorry Liz, I didn't mean to sound so judgy about it."

"Its alright." Elizabeth noticed the blood on Hayley's forehead but didn't mention it. "How is the list coming?"

"Its getting there. " Hayley said with a shrug. "It doesn't help bring back Jackson, but it helps me a little."

"That's the point, isn't it?" Elizabeth asked. "To feel some sense of release in revenge?"

"Have you had revenge on someone?" Hayley asked curiously.

It took Elizabeth a moment to think if she had ever gotten revenge on someone. She nodded. "Aya."

"What is it that she did to you?" Elizabeth looked away from Hayley for a moment.

"She took something that I'm not even sure I can get back. So we are in the same boat. Different destinations though." She said with a shrug. "I'll leave you two alone." She said with a smile. Hayley nodded and watched as Elizabeth walked out of the room.

Elizabeth's first thought was that she needed some air. That she needed to get out of the compound for a little. Being inside since she had arrived was enough to start driving the woman mad. A walk would do her some good. She also needed to feed. She had not done so since before entering the quarter. Just thinking about the blood was making her eyes change. Before she could even get herself to calm down with her thoughts of blood, Elijah was in front of her looking concerned as ever.

"Elizabeth, is everything alright?" He asked placing his hands on her arms. Shaking her head, and closing her eyes for a second, she finally got her eyes back to normal.

"Forgive me, I haven't fed." She said trying to make her voice sound as if it was no big deal.

"When was the last time you did?" There was that fatherly tone again that caused Elizabeth to chuckle. But the look in his eyes told her he was being serious.

"A little more than a few days." She admitted.

"Why haven't you been feeding?" He asked, the concern still present.

"My mind has been clouded with things recently. I honestly put my blood lust on the back burner."

"Stay here." Elijah said before walking away from a moment. A sigh passed her lips as she looked up to see Malakai leaning over the railing. She shook her head at him.

Knowing that Elijah could be on his way back he only mouthed the words You have to tell him. Elizabeth shook her head. Now wasn't going to be the best time to tell anyone anything. Before Malakai could mouth anything else, Elijah came back with a blood bag. She accepted it and was going to wait for Elijah to leave to drink from it, but he stayed and watched her. Sighing, she bit into the bag and drank from it. Once the blood had been gone, Elizabeth pulled the bag from her lips and smiled.

"Thank you. I feel much better." She said with a nod.

"If you'll excuse me, I need to check on Hope." Elizabeth nodded and watched as he headed up stairs.

Elijah, Elizabeth and Freya had been sitting in the study, seeming to enjoy the afternoon. Elizabeth had sat in the corner chair with her head resting on one arm rest and her legs hanging over the other as she checked her phone. Elijah had book in his hand, reading while Freya had been working on something, Elizabeth couldnt quite figure out. They all had been preoccupied in there tasks that once Klaus came raging in, Elizabeth tilted her head back and groaned.

"There goes the peaceful afternoon." She mumbled to herself.

"It was him. It was Gaspar Cortez." Klaus said as he paced the study.

Freya sighed placing the item in her hand down on the table. "I assume this is someone from your box of letters?" She asked crossing her arms.

"The youngest son of a particularly vile family of warlords I dealt with in the 17th century." Klaus replied, still pacing.

"Didn't they burn that philistine pigsty to the ground?" Elijah asked closing the book he had been reading and setting it on the stand beside the chair. The question itself caused Elizabeth to chuckle and Klaus to scoff at his brother.

"Pigsty?" Klaus finally stopped his pacing and looked at Elijah. "Belaga was my favorite artist retreat! Someone had to pay for that, so I murdered Gaspar's brute of a father."

Elizabeth couldnt help herself. "And who else did you kill?"

"Maybe one or two-" Klaus started but was interrupted by Elijah.

"Five." he said with a sigh as he stood from his chair.

"Five of his bloodthirsty brothers." Klaus said annoyed.

"Don't forget the mistress." Elijah added in and Elizabeth smirked.

"That was an accident!" Klaus defended himself. It caused Elijah to roll his eyes and look towards Freya and Elizabeth.

"The point is that Gaspar was but a footnote." He said nodding slightly.

"Until he became a vampire, hell bent on hunting me."

"Everyone is hell bent on hunting you, Niklaus." Elizabeth said rolling her eyes. It was apart of the paranoia Elizabeth had seen very few times. Klaus glared at Elizabeth for a moment before continuing on his rant.

"He's a cunning deviant, known to compel hoards of the helpless to aid him with his tasks. " The man began pacing again. "You see, this is exactly what I was concerned about. Devils of all kinds, crawling out of their crevices to strike at me." The group had expected him to continue with his rant when he paused for a moment. "Speaking of which..."Before anyone could ask what he was talking about, Klaus was out of the room and going after something or someone. Elizabeth heard Elijah sigh as they heard the commotion downstairs.

"Shall we see what he is up to?" Elijah was the first to leave and while Elizabeth wasn't exactly willing to see what they Hybrid had done down stairs. It wasn't until she heard one name that she got up out of her seat. Kol Elizabeth was at the railing in a second looking down at the courtyard. Her heart was pumping fast with the anger that filled her.

"You stole the nexus vorti." Freya said slightly annoyed. Elizabeth could see the girl in front of them roll her eyes.

"And brought your brother back from the dead!" the witch said.

"You should be thanking her, really." Elizabeth watched as Kol stepped towards his family. All Elizabeth could see in that moment was the memory of walking back into her village and seeing destruction before she watched as Kol grabbed her mother before running. Malakai had stepped out of his room wondering what was going on when he caught sight of Elizabeth with her eyes changed and the veins clearly visible under her eyes.

"Shit." Malakai said to himself before, taking speeding towards Elizabeth. Once he was by her side, he placed a hand on her shoulder like he always done. "Breathe Liz." His words usually calmed Elizabeth. But this time it did nothing. Elijah had heard Malakai speaking to Elizabeth. It caused him to look up in time to see Elizabeth push Malakai away from her and jump down into the courtyard and head after Kol. "Stop her Elijah, that's pure rage she going on. I don't think you'd want your brother dead after just coming back from the dead. Elijah stepped in her way, but Elizabeth tried moving out of his way. With no luck, Elijah had Elizabeth's arms locked behind her.

"Who the hell is that?" Kol asked.

"Think about it long and hard." Elizabeth growled out, still trying to break free of Elijah's hold. Elizabeth wanted nothing more than to rip out his heart. Davina had stepped in front of him, ready to use her magic if needed.

"I wouldn't do that Davina, she's your blood." Malakai said jumping down into the courtyard. The statement alone caused everyone to look shocked at what he said. He walked over to Elijah and Elizabeth and placed his hands on both sides of Elizabeth's neck. "You'll thank me later for this one." He said while snapping her neck.

"Was that necessary?" Elijah asked with a hint of anger in his voice. He carried Elizabeth's body to the couch in the courtyard.

"Believe me Elijah is was necessary." Malakai said looking at the others. Klaus had been the only one who had an amused look on his face.

"Want to tell me what the hell that was about?" Kol asked looking at Malakai.

"You see Kol, " Klaus began with a smirk on his face. "You do remember that night we had slaughtered a village and you let the child run away?" The end of that question had caused Freya and Davina to cringe at the thought of them killing children.

"There were several villages, Nik." Kol responded still looking a bit confused.

Klaus chuckled and patted Kol's back. "Think about it. The mother and daughter that had came late to dinner."

"Oh, that child." Kol said finally remembering. "That's not her is it?"

Elijah shook his head. "Elizabeth has been able to forgive Niklaus for slaughtering members of her village. But you must understand, Kol. You killed her mother in front of her. That isn't something that's easily forgiven."

"And not to mention that when she heard you had died, she felt release from that pain. Seeing you alive, as much as you can be, brought a lot of that pain back, buddy." Malakai said walking over to the couch Elizabeth was on. "When she wakes up, I'll be sure to try and keep her calm, but Kol, you may want to stay clear of Liz for a while. " Malakai lifted Elizabeth up and started heading up the stairs to her room.

"Wait." Davina said taking a step towards Malakai. "You said she was my blood. What did you mean by that?"

Malakai chuckled. "You see I'm not sure how many greats I need to put in front the actual title, but she's your grandmother. One of the reasons she came to New Orleans was to see you. She needed your help."

"Help?"Both Elijah and Davina asked at the same time.

"What did she need help with?" Elijah asked.

"Oh no, that's on her to tell the both of you what she needs help with." Malakai said not willing to give any details to anything. "But for now, I'm gonna get her to her room before she wakes up and tries killing Kol again. Take care of what you need to. She'll be okay for now." That was the last thing he had said before leaving the original family and Davina to finish the little family reunion Elizabeth had interrupted. But even then, Elijah, Davina and Freya wondered what was that Elizabeth had needed help with. Freya knew that it had to do with the spell Elizabeth had asked about earlier. She would have to wait until Elizabeth was up to demand the details.

Forgotten Alliance Tag: @mschellehitt

[finn-nelson-for-the-win]

The Good Life: Chapter 9

Hello, my lovelies!This chapter is late because I lost track of time and didn’t realize that I hadn’t edited it and queued it to post on Friday or Saturday like I intended to do, so sorry about that! I’m trying to be better about posting, I really am, but I’m also a mess of a human being and am not as bad about it as I could be or as I have been before (insert references to my forgotten WIPs that I doubt I’ll ever pick up again)!

Need to get caught up? The Good Life: Ch1, Ch2, Ch3, Ch4 , Ch5, Ch6, Ch7, Ch8

If you want to be added (or  removed) from the tags list for this story, just feel free to let me know!

@pink-royaute @believethaticanandiwill @milllott @likeashootingstarfades @i-dream-of-emus @eveerez

The Good Life: Chapter 9

Rae dug through her purse, trying to use the light from her cell phone to find her keys as she stood outside the front door of her apartment.

“Fucking finally,” Rae huffed as she found the keychain that her apartment key was attached to, “we have got to get the bloody light out her repaired!”

It was much later than Rae had anticipated coming home, so as she unlocked the door and placed her keys back into her purse, she tried to open the door as quietly as she possibly could. She had barely made it into the apartment and relocked the front door behind her when she heard the distinct sound of a door opening and the dull thud of bare feet against the floor of the dimly lit hallway.

“I’m so sorry I woke you,” Rae apologized when Finn came into view of the kitchen as she was getting herself a glass of water.

“S’fine. I wasn’t sleeping,” Finn muttered as he walked to stand on the opposite side of the long kitchen counter from Rae, “Are you just getting home from work now?”

“Oh, uh, no. I did work my late afternoon shift today, but afterwards I had made plans to meet someone for drinks.”

“Oh! Alright,” Finn nodded as he brought his thumb up to his mouth to nibble at a slightly uneven edge of his nail, “I wasn’t sure where you were, but I also didn’t want to come across as being super clingy and paranoid by calling or texting you.”

“Did you stay awake just to make sure I got home safe?” Rae asked when she looked down and noticed that Finn was already wearing comfortable clothing and was stifling yet another yawn.

Instead of replying, Finn simply shrugged and followed Rae as she walked from their kitchen into the living room and took a seat on the couch. Finn sat down on the couch next to her and gestured for her to rest her feet on his lap, the position they ended up in more often than not when they sat on the couch together.

“Did you just go get drinks with a coworker after you both got out of work, or…?” Finn asked as casually as he could.

“Uh, no...”

“Was it, like, a date or something?” Finn asked when Rae didn’t elaborate further.

“Sort of,” Rae mumbled, “This guy I met at the party last weekend crossed paths with me on campus and he asked me to meet him for drinks today. I think you might know him, actually. He’s Chop’s mate, Blue.”

“You went on a date with Blue?” Finn questioned, making no attempt to disguise his tone of voice.

“Well, it was just a drink or two, but yeah I suppose.” Rae replied with a dismissive shrug.

“Huh, wouldn’t have expected that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, Finn?”

“He just doesn’t seem like your type, I guess.”

“And what exactly is my type, since you seem to know so much about who I do and don’t like,” Rae asked with her eyebrows raised as she looked beside her on the couch, waiting for Finn to make eye contact with her.

“I dunno, but not Blue.” He muttered, looking up only briefly.

“Why not? He’s a nice guy,” Rae began.

“Oh, yeah! He’s definitely nice, he’s just really...well, he’s sort of…dim-witted.”

“Well, that’s one way to put it, yes,” Rae replied with a chuckle.

“Did you at least have a good time with Blue?”

“Yeah I had a really good time,” Rae replied before looking over at Finn, “but there likely won’t be a second date, since I know that’s the real question you were asking.”

Finn chuckled sheepishly ad began idly pulling on a loose string that was hanging off of the cuff of Rae’s jeans.

“Do you wish the date had gone better?”

“Not necessarily. I mostly just said yes because he asked and I thought that I had nothing left to lose. Worst case scenario, I go to a pub and have a drink or two with some shit guy and then come back home and tell you all about how shit it was. I had a good time and I liked talking to him, but I think we both are happy with just keeping it friendly and platonic.”

“That’s alright then, I guess.”

“I think so too. Chloe, Arch, and some of my coworkers have been on my ass about ‘getting out there’ and dating more, but I’m not too concerned about it. I like where I’m at now. Things are comfortable now, you know?” Rae replied with a wiggle of her feet that were still resting across Finn’s lap.

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Finn muttered, “We never talked about that before we moved in together, dating, I mean.”

“What?”

“Oh! I mean, uh, like if one of us is dating and gets into a relationship or whatever. We never talked about each of our rules about bringing people over or inviting dates into the apartment or whatnot.”

“I guess it never really occurred to me. I’m alright with you bringing home dates, just let me know first or let me know if you’d prefer that I not be in the apartment while she’s over or whatever,”

“Cool. Um, same, I guess. But I doubt you’d have to worry about me bringing any girls home. I haven’t been dating much recently either, much to Archie and the gang’s chagrin.”

“They just love to meddle in everyone else’s business. I think I’d be more surprised if they didn’t try to dictate my love life, honestly.”

“Yeah, you think that by now I’d be used to it, but apparently not!” Finn agreed with a laugh.

Finn and Rae sat quietly on the couch together for a few minutes before Rae could hear Finn struggling to stifle a yawn.

“Alright, Finnley, it’s way past your bedtime! I’m tired, I know that you’re tired and have to be awake early for work, and I need all the beauty sleep that I can get, so I think it’d be best if we both try to get some sleep now.”

“Yeah, you might be right,” Finn began before finally giving in to the yawn that he’d been trying to avoid, “I had a long day at work and have been looking forward to going to bed since I got home this evening, but I didn’t want to fall asleep and miss a call or text from you, since I wasn’t sure why you were running late. I was too busy worrying about ya to fall asleep.”

Rae looked over at Finn as she lifted her legs off of his lap and allowed him to stand up, smirking when she realized that Finn was likely unaware of what he’d just said out loud in his state of exhaustion.

“All the more reason for you to get in bed now then,” Rae said as she placed her hands on Finn’s shoulders from behind and steered him to walk down the hallway towards the open door of his bedroom.

“Good night, Rae!” Finn mumbled as he leaned to give Rae a light peck on her cheek before walking into his room and laying down face-first on his unmade bed.

“Sweet dreams, Finnley,” Rae said softly as she turned off his bedroom light and closed his door behind her as she walked to her own bedroom.

A/N: So I have the next few chapters all mapped out and I’m excited about them, but I wasn’t sure how long I was going to drag out the whole Rae-goes-on-dates-with-Not-Finn plot line or if I wanted to make Finn get jealous (trick question, yes I do. Jealous Finn is attractive af) and I’m still not sure tbh. Could this be the last we hear of Blue? Will Rae keep going on dates but with other people and will Finn be jealous about it? I guess we’ll all just have to stick around and keep reading to see what happens!

As always, thank you to everyone who read/liked/replied to/reblogged the last chapter, seeing those little notifications never fail to make my entire day! Until next time: Stay awesome, my friends!

[ceerecord]

𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚎

17/07/2019

Please, if you ever need help, reach out. There will always be someone there - even if it doesn’t feel like it. I’m sorry you had to feel like you were all alone in this messed up world and we have truly lost an utter sweetheart. Maybe you weren’t a saint, we all know you weren’t, but you were one of the kindest and most caring people I’ve ever met. When we met and the weeks it was so awkward for I’ll never forget you trying to make me smile all the time and constantly muttering things under your breath about Freudian theory. To think, I sit in A-level psychology classes now and it’s like those two years never happened. You and your attempts to tattoo yourself (the smiley face is still my favourite and you know it, the stitches were an awful, awful choice!) and me helping you when you tried to scrub it off because you knew your mum would flip. I remember her finding out and just laughing. I miss that smile, I miss that laugh. I hope you’re in a better place.

Rest easy love, you’ve been to hell and back and I just hope you’re happy now.

Sorry for this. I just wanted to let this out, someone I know went missing the other day - he left his phone and a note saying he loved his mum and goodbye and that he was sorry. We’ve just been told he passed away a couple of hours ago, if you ever need help, please reach out. talk to someone, anyone, I’ll always be here - yes we don’t know each other but I’m more than happy to help. I’m going to be a bit inactive over the next few days and things while I take some time to just process this. Please please get help, no matter how late you may think it is ♥︎

19/07/2019

Last night we said good bye to you. Good bye to all the things we’ll never get to see again. I’ll never get to see that smile, hear that life, have you make stupid jokes - usually at the expense of our psychology teacher - to try cheer me up, never have you tell me that I deserved better when that boy broke my heart, that I’ll achieve my dreams, I won’t run my hands through your hair again nor plait it when you grew it long, never tell you to stop being stupid when you pierced your own ear (again) and it almost got infected, your god awful attempts at tattooing yourself - expect the smiley face, I loved that one, I’ll never get to look into those dreamy eyes of yours again, I’ll never get to try and talk you out of smoking, tell you off for being high or trying to convince you to study, never will I cram with you the day before the exams so you could try and pass, I’ll never get to see you again. I hope that wherever you are now that the demons have been put to rest, the voices have stopped tormenting you, that you finally feel at peace. Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, I hope you know we love you and we will miss you. You didn’t realise the impact you had on people and I will never forget the moment it was announced to our year, the eerie silence in the hall was horrendous. You would’ve hated it. The pure emotion in our teachers voices as they tried to speak to us, the faces devoid of all emotion around the room. It’s so messed up. The world is a cruel, cruel place and I really hope you’re happier now. I’m not mad at you about what you did, I’m not mad that you gave up on the world, I’m mad that the world gave up on you. I’m mad we couldn’t do enough to make sure you were safe. This is the world we live in and I promise you I’m going to do what I can to make a change.

Last night was all for you, you would’ve loved it.

You always did love fire in any shape or form. Watching people release lanterns, saying good bye and fly high, I’ve never cried so hard in my life, nor have I ever laughed so much. The irony of how many people are gathered to send you off but we couldn’t do enough for you before. We will all miss you and this has definitely changed me and I will never forget you.

Good bye, love. Rest well and may you finally be happy ♡

Remember, even shadows need light to exist.

I have over 80 posts queued, my blog will continue to run off of them. I on the other hand will still be around but for now I will be on what I’m classing as a semi-hiatus. I have some personal projects I will continue to work on such as FTY. It was my last day of school today, I’ve officially broken up for the summer and while I should be happy I can only think about the beautiful human being we lost. I originally posted this on another blog as well as on my personal twitter but decided to share it here as well in order to raise awareness. Mental health is something that has always been close to my heart and I’ve watched far too many people struggle with depression, including myself, and so I want to be able to do more to help. I need the time to process what has happened, it was a massive hit to our entire community and particularly my school year and I know it’s yet to truly hit me.

Please, if you ever need any help and feel like you can’t talk to anyone - I truly am here. I want to help you, I want to be the person you need to get you through this, I can be your anonymous figure, your detachment or depersonalisation from your real life or your new best friend, whatever you need I want to help in whatever capacity I can.

~ Lani

Fly high love, we know you’re watching over us.

[kyotakumrau]

京個展~子宮で視る脳排泄~

kyo’s solo exhibition ~Observation of the brain excretion in the uterus~ 2018.05.09-19 report

The gallery LE DECO is located a few minute walk from Shibuya station so it didn’t take long to get there (only if you use the right exit though 😂). But on the first day we got quite bad weather, so it was a relief when staff let us in. On the side note, kudos to the staff member who had to announce ‘people who came to see [Observing of the brain excretion in the uterus] please line up to use the elevator’ over and over. He definitely made passersby do a double take hearing the event name 😂

The entrance floor - 6F

Once in the building we were told to wait for the start of the time slot. There was a screen with a projector showing the live footage from DIR EN GREY mode of VULGAR tour and sukekiyo, followed by the short interview (it will get a separate post). I actually didn’t notice it at first, but on the second day I went with a friend who is Toshiya’s fan and she pointed out that DIR’s footage was a perfect 'Kyo’s angle’ - the most you could see of other nembers was Toshiya’s or Shinya’s arm 😂 At some shows that’s exactly what I see… sukekiyo’s footage was from Kyo’s birthday show at Mynavi Akasaka BLITZ, I really hope it will be released at some point! I really enjoyed seeing this performance again. *On the 13th dir mode of kisou*On the 15th there was footage from sukekiyo’s 2015 The Unified Field tour instead of DIR’s. *on the 16th there was DIR footage from the mode of TMOAB.*on the 19th VULGAR again (inside joke - and we couldn’t become one).

The stamps for goshuin books were also located on this floor and some people used them when we were waiting (and no one was actually checking if you used a goshuin book or not). There were two designs, Zemeckises one with Hui and Kyo’s picture drawn by Junji Ito.

When it was finally time for the time slot to start staff started to call people one by one. On the first day people were surprised as they didn’t deduct that the 1st slot numbers start from 101, but staff quickly changed the way of calling from number 1 to 101 ;) Over the number 50 they changed to calling by 5s. Upon ticket check we received a small water bottle with a label with a event logo and a silver plastic bag. When checking the bag later I saw it had 'Kyo’s mask’ and a memorial ticket inside. Each mask had a small curse omikuji glued on the back, there were five kinds (collected all to be happily cursed!😍):

◆平等とは平等で非ず・ equality is never truly equal ◆己を決めるのは己のみ・only I decide about myself ◆時間は必ず貴方を良くも悪くも変えてくれる・the time will always change you, be it for better or worse ◆噴き出す感情はそのままで良い、より人間らしく・it’s fine to just let strong feelings out, it’s more human ◆状況を変えられないのではなく変えないだけ・it’s not that one cannot change the situation one just don’t And from this point we used stairs to move between floors.

The Zemeckises floor - 5F

This floor entrance greeted us with a dark red curtain, The Zemeckises sign over it. On the second day they added draped brown curtain with decorative tassels over the plain red one (was it one of the things that didn’t arrive on time? *on the 15th I noticed there were two additional panels! (CHAOS one and 'cute guy’ one)). Inside we could enjoy various panels with what I’m guessing were scenes from the upcoming picture book. It was so lovely to see Hui so much! One of them had Hui-chan standing in front of the bridge leading to a small street, on the buildings and shop signs we could see sukekiyo name and their various songs titles.

It was also nice to see the set of 4 TVs previously used at Madaraningen shops and sukekiyo shows. This time they played three Zemeckises videos in the loop. First one that was used to promote VITIUM (introducing family living in the dark forest), Second was the promotion of PERSUASIO - Mama murders someone, Penyu is being persuaded he should bear darker intentions towards humans and older bro introducing sukekiyo as their footage was on TV Third had all family members saying what they are missing: Big bro: DIR音源がない Raimi: 心がない Mama: sukekiyoのライブがない Baby bro: ダブルチーズバーガーがない Papa: ママのご飯がない Penyu: お菓子がない Penyu held a book and walked through the forest, his whole family following him closely. He ended up on the ground, family jumped on him, there was a light flashing from his eyes and… cliffhanger 😂

I liked here how '3D-ish’ the panels were, for example there was a standing figure of family members in front of the panels creating a scene together. The figure of Mama who was sitting with Raimi even was sat on the chair in pieces so if you looked from the right angle it looked very good! There was also a proper figure of Papa with his eye lit up in red connected to the panel with dressed up Mama (it was in front of the TVs). I don’t want to explain panels too much, Kyo said in the interview that it was hard preparing this floor because the book is not out yet, but some of them were also used as the designs for goods.

The Shikkaku floor - 4F

It was absolutely brilliant ♥♥♥ From the first view - after going through the first black curtain with exhibition name on it, this exhibition entrance was done in the form of red PVC strip seethrough curtain and before entering a staff member handed each of us a torch. Because this floor was quite dark, there was enough light to walk around safely, but to be able to observe photo prints you had to use the torch. There was a white cloth draped from the ceiling, hanging loosely at some places, and there were some metal fixtures that were painted black, but overall the room was kept quite simple; all added to the atmosphere. With the industrial music in the background it created an incredible effect! 

Photos were hanged in black wooden frames around the floor. I was really impressed with the time span that photos came from! (*confirmed by yahoo news that it took over 4 years) Shikkaku vol.2 will be a delight for our eyes and hearts. There were so many styles and ideas. The ones that really stood out to me was Kyo sitting in a seated venue (this one was moved to a lower spot on the wall on the second day, I don’t know why), black hat photoshoot and one with his hand on the first plan. And the ones near the dam. And the ones with the eye. And… they are all so good!😂 

The really big surprise when going for the first time was noticing the 'faces wall’ that was around the corner. Interesting, morbid, fascinating, meaningful, shocking, so very much Kyo! Silicon casts of Kyo’s face were displayed in two ways. Four of them were hanging on huge hooks. One was pinned in a glass case like a butterfly. But the one that probably caught everyone’s attention the most was a plaster casting that was put in a rectangular dish filled with fake blood. Quite slimy and sticky fake blood. I don’t know if it was deliberate, but as a woman I couldn’t help thinking about the uterus in the exhibition title seeing the consistency and color of the fake blood… The dish had a sign 'ご自由にお触りください / please touch freely’ and. It felt so weird to touch the cast of his face, even more if you touched the blood. In the beginning of the 1st time slot the face was clean, but later people covered it with blood. It was absolutely fascinating to be able to see how it changed through the day - during the last time slot on the second day the silicon face casts on hooks had some bloody streaks as well and there were many 'spills’ around the dish. It was also fascinating to watch people’s reactions - so many didn’t like the slimy texture or got freaked out when discovered it was quite sticky. And compared to the previous exhibition’s box with a casting of the hand hid in slimy balls - there was no staff with wet tissues nearby ;) The 2nd time I visited I went straight for this floor when most people went for goods to have few minutes alone with it :3 *on the 15th I went for the 1st time slot and the fake blood was much more jelly like at first, but as people touched it and it got warmed up it got more sticky. Also the face in the dish of blood was cleaned but it stayed slightly pink in some places. *on the last day (the 19th) it was so jelly like you could take a chunk in your hand, it was still very fun to play with! 😁

There was one more point of interest on that floor. Kind of hidden behind the wall was a tiny tiny room, more of a box that had a short video footage with Kyo from the photobook cover photoshoot. It created quite a line on the first day. But on the second day the video footage was moved from the hidden box and displayed on the wall, the image was quite distorted because of the angle and the uneven wall. My guess is that Kyo wanted to avoid people queuing inside.

The merchandise floor - 3F

I simply followed the person in front of me first time I visited and they went to the goods floor first; it actually turned out to be a good choice as some items got sold out (I got the last black Junji Ito shirt that time), same in the next time slots - as soon as the word that some items are in quite limited quantities got out they started selling out faster. They had 3 tables - from the right - for ordering photobooks, picture books and reprints, for purchasing goods and for using capsule toy machines. I think the 'hottest commodities’ were Junji Ito’s collaboration t-shirt, capsule toys and plushies. And if you spent over 3000 yen (?) on The Zemeckises goods you received a cute clear bag as a present :3 I’m glad I got the goods I wanted at the first try as later I could enjoy the exhibition more freely. On the same floor there was also a huge panel with a photo of Kyo that we were allowed to take photo of (and with, if someone was so inclined ;)).

And an extra: Madaraningen POP UP SHOP - B1F

A nice accent when going down the stairs to the basement was the neon Madaraningen sign waiting for us at the bottom. As we entered there was a projector display and three panels with Kyo wearing various new items on the left. Turning right there were racks with clothes, some tables (with postcards and for placing orders). I only got postcards as I’ve already ordered some stuff after sukekiyo shows. There were two sets - one with 4 postcards (A) and one with 3 postcards plus a random 'kinda-polaroid’ of Kyo (B).

[queer-anime-girls-blog]

Freezerburn Headcanons Pt.1

So I just went through @shaevira ‘s entire freezerburn tag like the creeper newbie I am (expect queued art posts for the next several days) and I saw she had asked for headcanons a while back, so -- despite my newness -- I’m gonna offer a couple of my suddenly overpowering wholesome fantasies preliminary thoughts on the matter! In the form of quick ficlet-type things!

#1- V3 Finale (a.k.a. Give Me This as a Flashback PLEASE)

Yang is sleeping on a makeshift bed. There are fresh bandages on what’s left of her dominant arm. Ruby is unconscious on the bed next to her. They’ve just landed safely in the city, and a flood of ashen, shaken passengers are beginning to disembark the airship.

Weiss is standing hesitantly in the doorway of the cramped compartment the sisters are being kept in. Her eyes are frightened and confused as she assesses Ruby’s apparently undamaged body. Weiss begins remembering standing at the base of the tower, seeing the blinding flash of silver light, hearing the dragon scream in agony. No one will tell her what it was, why it happened, how Ruby survived it, when she’ll wake up...

Weiss’s eyes move over to Yang’s body. Just then, Yang begins murmuring in her sleep, disturbed little noises, whispering “no please don’t hurt her” without waking. And then Yang’s left hand begins to shake on top of the sheets.

Weiss’s breath hitches with a barely-contained sob. A single tear leaks out and traces the prominent line of the scar beneath her eye, but she savagely wipes it away. She feels broken and useless. But she sucks in enough air to brace herself, and drops down on her knees next to Yang’s bed to gently shake her awake.

“Yang, wake up,” she whispers as Yang finally begins to stir. “You’re having a bad dream.”

Yang turns her head towards Weiss’s voice and opens her eyes, but the purple hue of them looks dull and cold.

“We’re living a bad dream,” Yang retorts flatly.

Weiss doesn’t know how to respond to that, and she hesitates awkwardly before continuing. “Well. The ship just landed. I wanted to say goodbye to both of you.”

Some feeling flickers back into Yang’s eyes. “Goodbye?”

“I’ve received word that my father has some employees waiting to intercept me in the city and take me to a safehouse. He’ll be arriving personally soon after that to escort me home.”

“... Oh.”

“... Yeah.”

“Well. Then, I guess I’ll, um. See you soon.”

“Perhaps. I mean, I certainly hope so, but...”

Weiss doesn’t finish that sentence. They both know how uncertain the world will be for a long time. After that, neither of them really know what to say, or how to look at each other, or whether to offer a comforting touch, so they don’t.

“Is Blake around?” Yang asks after a tense silence.

Something inside Weiss tightens unpleasantly. Of course Yang would care more about speaking to Blake than to her, even though this might be the last time they ever see each other. Of course.

“No. But I imagine she’s somewhere on board still, if you haven’t seen her yet. I tried to talk to her while someone was tending to her stomach wound, but... you know Blake. When she wants to shut you out, there’s no way in.”

Yang frowns darkly. “Yeah, I do know.”

“After she was done being bandaged she swept off somewhere. I didn’t try to follow, but I saw Sun run off after her. He’ll know where she went.” Weiss pauses and lets her gaze flicker miserably back to Ruby. “Did someone tell you when she might wake up?”

Yang turns to look at Ruby as well, and her voice goes softer. “Qrow said it might be a few days. But she’ll be fine. I promise.”

“That’s... such a relief. Thank you,” Weiss sighs. “But, um. Will you be fine?”

Their eyes meet again.

“Weiss,” Yang says, instead of answering. She almost manages a ghost of a smile as she adds, “I’ll miss you.”

Something that had been coiled up tight in Weiss’s chest without her realizing it suddenly loosens. “I’ll miss you too,” she breathes.

It still doesn’t feel like a good enough parting, somehow. Weiss’s hand twitches like it wants to reach out and touch -- but what? A shoulder? A cheek?

Before her hand can decide what it wants, two men in white suits appear to insistently guide her away.

#2- Yang’s Hair (a.k.a. Bring This Back as a Plot Point PLEASE)

Weiss knows exactly what Yang’s hair feels like now. Maybe that’s a strange thing to be fixating on when there’s so much else to think about, so many other things she has recently discovered about the world. But late at night, in the room she’s sharing with Yang, she watches surreptitiously as Yang brushes out her long, golden locks, and remembers how the silky waves felt under her desperately clinging fingers. How they smelled, so close to Yang’s neck, as Weiss buried her face in it. Like warm, honeyed porridge, and flowers, and fresh sweat...

And every time Weiss thinks about that -- confusingly -- her cheeks heat up, and she forces herself to focus on her own pre-sleep rituals.

Why does her mind keep returning her to the memory of that hug? It didn’t really last that much longer than the hug she shared with both Yang and Ruby soon afterwards. It wasn’t that much more intense or comforting. Was it?

Regardless, it was the first time she could remember feeling Yang’s hair. And maybe that sort of seemed like a big deal because Yang never let just anyone touch it.

“May I play with your hair?” she blurts without thinking, and is mortified before she’s even finished saying it.

“Why?” Yang asks, turning and raising surprised eyebrows. She sits her brush down on the bed beside her thigh. “Are you trying to convince me to change my style, or do you just... want to?”

Weiss forgets how to swallow like a normal human under Yang’s questioning, vaguely-amused gaze. She thinks about huffing or harrumphing, considers recovering her facade of dignity with a denial and a cutting remark. But, really, she’s so over putting on an act in front of Yang. Especially when they’re alone together. Especially now that she knows how good and safe if feels to let herself be soft and vulnerable with Yang...

“I just want to,” Weiss forces out, and it’s maybe the hardest thing she’s ever had to say for some reason. “... May I?”

Yang lets out a bark of delighted laughter, but quickly stifles it and glances at the closed door. Weiss is certain they’re both thinking the same thing in that moment: better not laugh too loudly, or Ruby will wake up, and she’ll probably want to come in here...

As soon as Weiss processes the thought, she feels hyper aware of the fact that neither of them seem to want their alone time interrupted, even by someone they’ve both missed a lot as well. That’s weird, isn’t it? She feels like she should feel weirder about it than she does.

“Go ahead, Weiss. Go wild,” Yang says softly, grinning broadly.

It takes a beat for Weiss to remember Yang is answering the question about her hair.

She hesitates, perched gracefully on the edge of her own bed with her ankles crossed and her hands knotted in her lap. But she smirks as she finds the knee-strength to stand. “Do you really want to give me that much license with it?”

“I trust you. I mean, your hair always looks all shiny and elegant, so...go for it.”

Yang shrugs, still grinning, and cocks her head to the side invitingly. Weiss wonders if Yang knows how unintentionally alluring she can be sometimes. Or most times, really. Practically always, to be totally honest.

... Oh gods.

Feeling a bit dazed and more than a bit apprehensive, Weiss moves determinedly to fit herself on the slice of mattress between Yang and the wall. The amount of their skin that brushes together as she slides into place is mildly alarming for reasons she is entirely unprepared to confront, so she shoves those feelings into a box in her mind labeled 'maybe panic about this later' and focuses all of her attention on the blonde cascade right in front of her face.

She begins gently, just stroking her fingers from root to tip in a slow, soothing rhythm. Yang sighs, like she’s pleased or relaxed or both, and Weiss gets bolder. Her fingers dig in deep -- to rub Yang’s scalp, or curl strands around experimentally, or to measure out sections for braids that will be quickly undone. All of it feels amazing to Weiss, and the longer she does it the more Yang tries to melt back into Weiss’s chest.

“Don’t fall asleep on me,” Weiss chides, but she adjusts her arms so she can continue to comb through Yang’s hair without having a comfortable amount of space between them.

Yang snorts. “Sorry. I think I was entering a strange half-dream state.”

“A half-dream?”

“Yeah. I was imagining us sitting just like this on my bike. The rumble of the engine is kinda relaxing, too. I dunno. Weird association, I guess.”

“It’s not weird. I liked being on your bike. I felt... safe. With you. But... I suppose that wasn’t really because of the bike.”

“Yeah,” Yang replies, quiet and sweet.

They don’t say anything after that. It’s not long before Yang lies down on her side without a word. Weiss knows she doesn’t have to go back to her own bed if she doesn’t want to.

She decides -- with another quickly-compartmentalized wave of panic -- that what she really, really wants is to stay and keep stroking Yang’s hair until they both fall asleep.

So she does.

[sapphiresassenach]

Lost in Time

Part 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Hope you like it! It’s on the shorter side but the next and last chapter is queued up to be posted in a few hours :)

~Five Months Prior~

Claire remembered the sound of the bomb that exploded where she and the twins were but ten minutes before. She remembered the sound it made while falling, when it first made impact and the sound of the terror it unleashed around her.

Ducking and grasping each child as tight as she could under the feeble table she was seeking protection under, she prayed for the fallen. Ellena and Brian both shook under her, grasping desperately at her as the screams started.

Frank had said that they weren’t far from the cave which held the stones that they could possibly travel through. Possibly. What on earth would she do if they didn’t work? She felt Jamie’s mother’s pearls digging into her side as Brian pressed closer, the only tangible thing she had connected to the past besides her ring.

She prayed with all her being that they would work.

The thought of Frank stuck a knife into her heart. He had told them to go ahead of him, that the riots for food were too dangerous for them to be near. He said he would be back. But as soon as she heard the whistling of that bomb coming straight for where he was waiting for their dinner, she never he never would.

But how could she dwell on that? She had no time to cry, she must move forward, must survive. Must get her children safe.

“Damn, that was a bad one,” the man who owned the house they were currently hiding in spoke as he stood and gazed out at the fire and smoke, not even ten miles from them.

“You’d best be off, lady. I would say there will be another one tonight.”

Ellena looked up at her with wide, glistening eyes. “Mama, we have to wait for Daddy!”

Brian still cowered into her skirt. She put a hand on the back of his red curls and tried make comforting motions. “Ellena, little smudge, I don’t think Daddy is coming back.”

Torn at the fact she had to be so direct to a toddler, she comforted her sobbing form the only way she could think. “But there is another Daddy waiting for you.”

“Another Daddy?” Brian poked his red face from hiding and looked up at her in confusion.

She patted his cheek and wiped away a tear from his dusty cheek. “Yes, my love. Another Daddy, your real father. He’s waiting for us. It’s safe where he is. But we have to be brave and go find him together, alright?”

Both pairs of eyes were distraught and her heart felt like it would burst from the pain of it all, but there was a glimmer of curiosity in both of them that may just be enough.

“I can be brave, Mama,” Ellena stood and hugged her form as tight as her tiny arms would allow.

“Me two! I can be bwave!” Claire laughed despite herself as Brian jumped up too and tried to wrap his little arms around both his mother and his sister.

“Then, let’s go be brave, loves and find home again.”

~Present~

Claire thought she was prepared for the stones again. On her journey, hopefully her final journey, she thought she was ready. She had been through them too many times and yet not enough. When she stood in front of them, armed with nothing but herself and a fierce determination to find her children, she felt no fear. Clutching her silver ring in her hand and saying a silent prayer for her gold one and the man who had scarified himself, she took a deep breath and let the chaos envelop her.

Claire was disoriented as she made the trek yet again from the stones to Lallybroch, but this time, she felt something that was missing before. A sense of completeness inside her soul that made her believe she just might be close to her heart, to her twins and to her Jamie.

The hunger pains made the walking torture, the water from the stream somehow made her throat ache more, the soles of her feet were raw and bleeding from the journey. She thought this must be what it felt like to be a soldier. The ache in her bones radiated all over her body until she felt like nothing walking in the breeze.

Every time she wanted to quit, every time she wanted to curl up into a ball and let the misery of the last few months reach her, she thought of her daughter’s smile and her sons embraces and she found a way to continue. She had survived wars, bombs and chaos. She could survive this.

When the arches of Lallybroch came into view, she slumped against a near tree, letting the tears finally run down her face. After the hard journey, it seemed silly that she would be scared of her destination. But there was a bone rattling terror that made her gut gurgle with unease. A terror that she was in the wrong time again. What would she do? Could she travel again?

The last trip through the stones had taken so much from her, her bones felt like rubber and her mind was slow. She felt weaker than ever before. How could she go on if she were still lost in time? It made her chest tight with despair that she had no answer.

Her dark thoughts scattered abruptly as she heard a small shriek from the yard. Straining her ears, she willed herself to hear the sound again, willed the universe to let her have this sound ring in her mind again. A sound so utterly familiar, it almost choked the breath from her. 

The trees whispered from the breeze, there was nothing but silence, had she really heard–

“Brian, STOP!”

Gasping for air, she stumbled up with a strength that came only from instinct and she was running as well as she could. Running to the sound of her baby girl. To where her heart was and had been for always.

Grasping at the arch with her bloodied hands, she fell to her knees at the sight of her twins. Safe. Safe.

It was the only word she knew. Safe. They are safe.

Silent sobs of joy became audible and the dark curls of her daughter turned to the sound of her relief.

“Mama? MAMA!”

And then she was engulfed. And there was nothing but peace.

Continued here