#so if they're still going along w/ *enough* of the plan there's no reason for him to get suspicious. plus he's cocky as hell

[thats-a-lot-of-cortisol]

I've been thinking about names re: durges (and especially Corentin)

I haven't really liked the whole "this character's name is The Dark Urge" because it's honestly...silly to me? A bit? But I saw someone else discussing their durge's backstory today and it got me thinking about the function of names a bit more.

Naming someone "The Dark Urge" is super dehumanizing. And, like, that's the point, of course. But Corentin, even at their most compliant, was always trying to eek out some semblance of individuality or control or rebellion. They were kidnapped brought to the Bhaalists at 15, after all. Even with the cult's (and Bhaal's) efforts, it's difficult to completely rewire someone who's nearly a grown adult, especially one who's fighting it kicking and screaming most of the time.

So while they lose their memories of their family due to the constant trauma, they do manage to hold on to some things. Their refusal to eat bog body stays the entire time, as does their insistence on maintaining a hair care routine (which is when they start braiding Orin's hair, too). But after they break, other aspects of cleanliness they'd managed to hold onto until that point fall to the wayside, and they stop resisting when Savorak, and Fel, and the Bhaalists call them "The Dark Urge" instead of their name. Orin still calls them Corentin for a little bit, but she stops eventually too as she gets more and more restless and insistent on gaining power.

And then they meet Gortash who, despite also being a horrible person, isn't as bad as the people Corentin had been forced to lead. At this point they know what the likely ending of the Absolutist plot is going to be (though they're still in the early stages of the plan) but being able to work so closely with someone who's sincere and, more importantly, isn't going to stab them the moment they turn their back to him, is like breathing in fresh air for the first time in a decade or more (both figuratively and literally). And they dare to hope that there's an actual, true way out of the hell they'd been living in.

So when Gortash eventually asks if The Dark Urge is really their name, they tell him no.

[takes1]

HI I LOVE UR WRITING

can i req a fic for iwa :000 maybe reader comes w him to the gym and he can clearly see her blushing at him workin out n his body 😔 the rest can be up to u :))

iwaizumi hajime x reader mutual gym thirst

hi!!! thank you so much!! really liked this idea :) i used his timeskip interest to help with some structure here, but i hope i got enough right!

warnings. sfw-ish, thirsty info. iwa's hot bod / charged staring / mutual crushing / questionable touching / will-they-won't-they kinda vibe / oikawa being a nuisance / oikawa moving things along / athletic!reader / injured!reader / 1.4k words haikyuu collection. more here! more links. my ao3. masterlist. requests open!

You never once thought of what your school gym's layout could really do for you before this afternoon.

There was absolutely no reason to, until a certain tall, dark, and handsome brute took a liking to the power rack in front of the treadmill you were tied to for the next half-hour.

Part of your training plan required 40 monotonous minutes of incline walking- so a longer variation of the tried-and-true 12-3-30 became your new ritual after your team's practice. Shin splits weren't going to go away on their own, after all.

So, you and your defective shins were already married to this spot. When he walked his beefy ass to a spot so ideal for watching, you couldn't help but feel a little creepy.

This light dusting of shame didn't stop your eyes from wandering, though. You were too tired from a long practice and longer physical therapy to truly keep your gaze glued to the numbers on the screen.

That near-pornographic muscle-tee he wore at least twice a week was in rotation today.

It was soaked through; light blue now dark, from the cardio that he just finished outside with his partner and current spotter.

"Come ooon, you can get that up," Oikawa smirked, knowing damn well he needed to help Iwa get the bar racked.

He laughed at his friend's shaky struggle, himself even surprised when the bar slammed against the metal holds.

"Fucking prick," Iwa grumbled with very little air in his lungs.

The dark tone on his tongue raised your brow. You looked at the ceiling with a big exhale to get the thoughts out of your head.

This crush was much more manageable when it was confined to passing glances in the hall.

He was panting as he sat up. You looked back down just in time to watch him remove his useless, sticky shirt.

Sure, the hip-deep slits down the sides didn't leave so much to the imagination, but this was still so much better.

You bit the inside of your cheek and squeezed your eyes shut to keep from making any ridiculous faces, but the image of his bouncy chest and twitchy, heavy biceps were burned into your eyelids.

They had to switch out the weight between turns, so when he took the side of the rack closest to you, you were able to stare at his working back muscles without any repercussions. It was akin to crashing ocean waves between his shoulder blades. He set a plate gently onto the floor.

His skin glistened in the moody lighting. The veins in forearms were plump with effort.

"You feeling okay, (Y/n)?"

Oikawa gave an all-too-knowing grin at you when you locked eyes with him.

Heat crept up your neck- as if you needed to feel any hotter- and horribly embarrassed, you couldn't craft a response to his smartass comment.

Thankfully, Iwa glanced back at your downcast expression and scoffed at his friend.

"They're out on injury right now. Chill out, dude," Iwa came to your rescue, thankfully mistaken to the nature of his remark.

Oikawa looked frustrated that his jab didn't land the way he wanted it to.

You stuck your tongue out at him when Iwa wasn't looking and got one right back.

Now that you were under suspicion, you had more motivation to not stare at him anymore. It just wasn't worth getting found out.

This aversion to looking in their direction allowed the more lively of the two to whisper something with a smirk without you catching him.

Only five minutes remained on your screen when Oikawa climbed up onto the treadmill next to yours, despite the four empty ones further away.

An eye roll. You swiped the sweat off of your face and flicked it at him.

He didn't even get the chance to say anything snarky before Iwa noticed his absence.

"Stop being an ass," He grumbled.

"I didn't say anything!"

He wiped down of the rest of the bench, grabbed his shirt, and stood between the two treadmills. He motioned between you.

"You're being obnoxious," Iwa asserted, "Go somewhere else."

He sure as Hell wasn't happy about it, but he gave in to his friend's wishes. This would be interesting enough without him needing to interfere-- he kept a watchful, cheeky eye on both of you from across the gym.

"So, they got you doin' this," He put his hand on the side of the machine, brow furrowed in concern, "God, isn't that a bit much?"

There was no way you could speak to him without ending this. You pressed stop on your workout, thankful to be done with a good enough excuse.

You set your hands on your hips and tried to get your breathing back to normal. Your shins were burning.

"I hope not," You shrugged and wiped the sweat off of your face with the collar of your shirt.

He rested the side of his face on his slick forearm and looked you up and down.

You tensed at the motion and looked to the side.

"Can I take a look?"

A strong twitch of embarrassed confusion on your face forced him to clarify immediately:

"Your legs- I mean," He laughed.

You knew he would assist the head PT every other day for injured student athletes that came through the training room. It was a way for him to get some experience in before he went for a degree.

It just so happened that it never aligned with your schedule, so even though he knew you had become a regular, he never got to assess you.

You tried not to limp on the way across the gym.

"Jesus..." He muttered as you sat your leg onto his lap, "Yeah, that's... fucked."

The little stretching corner was otherwise unoccupied, but you couldn't help but feel like your proximity was too much. Your head was craned around to make sure there were no teachers or staff around to yell at you- but flipped back around with small yelp at his hand.

You laughed and flinched away at his cold fingers, "Thanks."

He didn't react to you.

"I mean, like..."

Iwa was completely taken by how swollen your lower legs had gotten, he wasn't even finishing his sentences. His concentration was super cute. A little concerning, but cute.

He walked you through some new stretches that the head PT didn't care to show you; the more he informed you about the nature of your pain, the less you were trusting the old fellow that you had been seeing.

He supported you as you attempted a tough stretch and quickly reassured you to not push it. You let up as he suggested, hands trembling against his forearms.

"Juuust like that, yeah," He said gently next to your head.

Your face lit up and stopped, too embarrassed to keep this going. Maybe you did prefer that old, crusty, trained professional over him.

Concerned, he ducked to look at your expression, but you quickly evaded.

"Did that hurt too bad?" He asked.

You deliberated on lying but decided against it.

When you glanced back up at him and shook your head, he had a smile on his face that you couldn't quite rationalize.

The focus on 'strengthening' your shins seemed to Iwa like it was just making the issue worse. He recommended resting as much as possible.

His touch and his attentive gaze helped you manage the discomfort you felt going through the motions. He was always waiting for your reaction, gauging how he needed to shift you based on your facial expressions.

"Let me get you some ice," He snapped a couple times, deep in thought, "I wanna try that new wrap, too--,"

He jogged off into the clinic's room and flipped on the light.

In the mirror-wall you caught a glimpse of Oikawa at the free weights. He started blowing kisses in your direction and only stopped when Iwa hurried back out.

"Y'know, I can always make some extra time to check on this after practice."

Your expression softened.

Iwa knelt down next to you. He scanned the damage carefully before sitting, and took one leg into his lap again.

"I couldn't let you do that," You sighed and seethed at the contact.

There wasn't much more room to be gentle, so you just had to endure.

He layered everything slowly, firmly but not too tight, and would take the time to fix the stretchy tape if it got twisted. The actual therapist never spent this much time on you like this.

"Well," Iwa prodded at his finished work, "You can just... give me your number, and we can work something out?"

It may have been the ice, but the chills that ran up your spine were difficult to hide.

"Sure," You smiled.

It felt like you were agreeing to something a little less medical in nature.

He helped you to a stand and supported you for a few seconds too long.

"Sweet," Brushed off his lips in a consumed sigh.

masterlist.

requests/submissions: open

[oc-tournaments]

ROUND FIVE - THE FINAL MATCH.

THE HERO vs SALVANAN vs TAMARA

THE HERO: @technoria

SALVANAN: @the-demoness-next-door

TAMARA: @wokeuptraveledstraightintothesun

VOTE BASED ON THE INFORMATION BELOW CUT!!

Propaganda Content Warnings: Abuse, manipulation, suicidal thoughts for SALVANAN, abandonment, experimenting, cult mentions for TAMARA.

THE HERO:

PROPAGANDA: while their story is still a work in progress the main important detail about them is that they are so fucking doomed to fail their one main goal no matter how close they get to success and this is driving them absolutely batshit. video game protagonist that lost the job of player character to some mass produced level 1 enemy. not once have i drawn them happy

THEME SONG:

SALVANAN:

PROPAGANDA: this poor man. buckle in, you have a LONG one coming. he's very old, he's the god of plants + the earth and he's great i love him but man i have not been nice to him. so. way early in his life, he had a very sweet boyfriend named azyll along w lots of mutual friends. except oops, sal developed chronic anxiety and depression and decided that he did not think he would be good for azyll and broke it off w him. it was amicable but it still sucks. fast forward a bit, one of the friends in their circle, jekath, is being manipulated and hurt for no reason and sal knows but for magic reasons he's incapable of telling anyone, just has to watch. and then he eventually has to watch jekath finally snap under the pressure and betray them all and go evil. no bueno. so he spends a long time feeling terrible and eventually he plans to just. yknow. off himself. but oh surprise this little boy named safari shows up in his garden! and he's like well shit guess im a dad now. and he loves this little boy very much. it's good times! except when he's a teenager two of the little boy's biological brothers drop him off a cliff and nearly kill him, which is, yknow, terrifying. that's his son! his son was almost murdered! no! bueno! anyway, azyll's mortal so eventually he dies of old age, now sal's even sadder. least he's still got his other friends and safari but Man. anyway fast forward again, whole world is at war. and his two best friends, arona and morana, both die in it. but if that was not bad enough, arona was killed by jekath. you know, the old friend that was abused and eventually betrayed them all. so the friend he felt like he failed has now murdered one of his best friends. and his other best friend is ALSO dead. things are just going Great. flash forward another little while and his goddaughter's husband, sibrum, goes evil against his will too. he's known sibrum since he was a kid so now he's got ANOTHER person he felt responsible for gone evil against their will. then sibrum's daughter dies. are you seeing a pattern yet. anyway, sibrum soon kills jekath so now sal feels like he's double failed both of them and also even MORE of his original friends are dead now. so he is trying So Hard to relax! but then safari is turned into a terrible person against his will too! and because they were so so close for so so long they end up in a toxic dynamic instead of cutting each other off. sal finally figures out how to break the spell on safari and it's all Okay Now (they're both traumatized and it's definitely not okay). he gets to relax for only a brief time before his other child's son, volta, has a villain arc too. and what happens? you guessed it! sal tries to stop him and help him and he's not able to. and feels like he failed someone AGAIN. yeah this just happens over and over through the course of his life. he's so tired and sad man

THEME SONG:

TAMARA:

PROPAGANDA: let’s see, lost her family at 7 years old (none of them died there was just a house fire where she was put inside an iron stove to “protect” her by her father (her father doesn’t like her can you tell) and they left her there (the rest of her family thought she’d left already)), (un)fortunately picked up by a guy who took her to a very ethical lab where she was healed! And then forced through many painful experiments. Also she was the executioner for a Lot of people later in the lab time and she’s not even 16 yet. So she escapes at age 16 and spends a year with her girlfriend just existing and processing (poorly) what she had to live through and trying to acclimate to life outside of The Lab. Then her girlfriend (who is a cyborg fun fact) got a virus and so she had to be decommissioned which was not a good time for Tamara.

Other physical details: One of the experiments was a test in how high someone’s empathy can get and. Tamara’s the highest Kyne (the one guy who loves experimenting on her) got. So she’s having a Time. She has lost sensation in her extremities, her bones are weak as Fuck due to being part bird (because of very little bone marrow and airy bones), and she just always looks soggy regardless. Also she’s trans

So she just can Not catch a break and she unfortunately gets exploited by her need for parental love and general guidance in her life and joins a cult :( Like can you see the fact that she just cannot stop being kicked while she is down. (I love her to bits and she is my favorite oc I promise)

THEME SONG:

[m4ycrowave]

Love you art, did you ever go anywhere with that sbi heroes au with Tommy becoming a villain to get their attention?

Firstly I completely forgot that asks were a thing for a while so I'm going to answer this now I am SO SORRY I'M SO SORRY I TOOK SO LONG thank you so much for being interested in my silly ideas

TO answer your question of.. I don't know how long ago you sent this I'm sorry, nah, I mean I had an idea that I'll put bellow but for the most part it was always just meant to be a one time thing, since in my opinion superhero AUs were used and done a lot to the point where I didn't feel my personal au added anything original enough to really turn it into something more

Also I just didn't feel like it 😭

BUT I did let my mind wander and came up w some plot ideas back then so here you go:

Phil, for some reason I never thought of, started working for the hero committee, mainly for money to support his family because while it was very dangerous it payed well, and then Techno & Wilbur when they get older noticed how overworked Phil is and how he keeps putting himself in danger and so to help out their dad they start helping him out.

Tommy always admired the hero Phil presents himself as, but he never really knew that it was his dad, nor that ANY of his family were heroes.

SBI neglected tommy (without meaning to but they still did) because they were quickly climbing up the ranks as best heroes and the committee likes money or whatevs so they kept getting more cases each more complicated than the last cuz the government was like "instead of risking our lives let's let them handle it"

Tommy is eventually told his family's secret (on his 15th birthday) and this makes him hopeful that something Will change,,, yeah no, they still have to leave but this time Tommy just takes it even worse because before he thought they either didn't like him or were actually busy, but now it's worse because it turns out his family are the TOP THREE HEROES (though if I were working on it nowadays I'd change this so they're a bit lower rank yet still on the top heroes ranks, but not top top)

they can literally get out of work if they want they're the most beloved heroes and surely they earn enough so that means they're just having so much fun being heroes that hanging out with tommy isn't worth it (this isn't really true, but Tommy's a bit of unreliable narrator in this)

Then the plan somehow forms of Tommy doing villainous acts to encounter SBI, it works the first few times because all he does is like, tag along with them as they're busy (mainly Wilbur), and SBI think he's a vigilante who's just a big fan and they entertain him.

Eventually they stop paying attention to him because they start getting scolded by the committee to stop wasting time (Phil is mainly the one who gets scolded and pulls back, he's polite in doing so but a bit cold when tommy(vigilante mode) keeps pushing, Techno didn't care for this mysterious fanboy in the first place, Wilbur is having fun but still lightly rejects Tommy's (vigilante mode) attempts at hanging out after a while)

They also stop paying attention to him when they realize that his 'villanous acts' aren't anything that crazy that some of the top heroes need to monitor him, if anything it's just like, breaking windows of abandoned places and graffiti on walls about how SBI suck and how the hero committee is trash

After SBI stop spending time w him even as a vigilante Tommy grows desperate, getting more and more reckless with his acts, and meanwhile in his real life he's avoiding his family as much as he can because the shame and disgust he feels at the fact that his family just keep on putting on a kind face when he knows they want nothing to do with him makes him want to punch a whole in a wall

Turbo & Ranboo are there (BENCHTRIO.. 😭)

With Ranboo being concerned but deciding not to get involved because it's not like Tommy's "actually putting anyone in danger" and with Tubbo just backing Tommy up in whatever crazy shit he decides to do, but also calling Tommy a dumbass when he gets himself hurt or when he actually does start endangering people

Things start to escalate as Tommy gets more and more desperate to spend time w SBI, who by that point are warming up to him (his vigilante (?) Villain (?) Self), but they keep getting told by their superiors not to engage and Tommy's just constantly chasing any sort of what he perceives as affection from his family, which is the annoyance that starts to show up on their faces when he's there but it doesn't matter because they don't /leave/, they still dismiss him, but with the mask, he can be himself without being scared that he'll scare them away, because if they get far enough away form him he can just keep causing problems and have them scold him and have a reason for them to spend time with him and notice him

So basically it's Tommy's decent into becoming genuinely self destructive and dangerous out of just wanting to be noticed and loved by his family, his heroes. And the more SBI push him away without noticing what they're doing, the worse he's getting.

And that's just the ideas I had for Tommy himself! But yeah, sorry it was so much text ;(

This is the au the person's talking about btw:

[corishadowfang]

WAIT HANG ON TODAY'S THE PERFECT EXCUSE TO TALK ABOUT THE KHUX DIGIMON AU--

Okay. Okay, so, part of the main plot of KHUX is that they're stuck in a digital version of their world, and getting trapped in the digital world is just like...a standard Digimon plot, haha. So it doesn't take too much reworking to make the KHUX plot for this.

Basically, the idea would be that, instead of MoM recruiting kids to be Keyblade wielders, he's recruiting people to play this new virtual reality game. Each player gets teamed up with their own Digimon, and they log on to do daily quests, can join different groups, etc.

Just like in KHUX, Ephemer realizes Something's Up; in this case, he suspects the Digimon are actual, living things (we're really leaning on the standard Digimon plots here), and that MoM is recruiting them for some OTHER reason besides testing the game.

And...he's right! Basically, the digital world has some sort of entity that's slowing destroying it. MoM's familiar with the legends of "chosen children" partnering with Digimon to save the world, and is mass-recruiting people to basically like...brute force that. Like in KHUX, a lot of kids die for this. The Union Leaders end up being the designated "Chosen Children" and end up trapped in the digital world until they can save it.

...Of course, MoM doesn't actually have the power to choose the 'destined heroes,' so this goes awry. One: Skuld and Ephemer rescue the Player and drag them along with them, and Two: the entity MoM's trying so hard to get rid of catches wind of the plan and hijacks it. (The whole Ven and Strelitzia switch thing.)

There's a lot of stuff that plays out similarly to UX after that, with the caveat that they KNOW they're stuck in a digital world this time: they discover Ven's an imposter, the entity manifests to fight them, Ven and his Digimon sacrifice themselves to save the others, the world starts to fall, and they find a way out. The way out's still pretty flawed--it's something that Brain essentially hacked into the game--so people still end up in the wrong places/with spotty memories once they're out.

Skuld, Ephemer, and the Player still get stopped at the end by the entity, and the Player and their partner still fight them. In this case, though, they're fighting them to try and force them out--and staying behind to stall the entity long enough to force them to die with the falling world. It works.

Anyway, the UX crew and their Digimon end up in the real world, but separated, with memories spotty, though with the impression that they're missing something important. They'll probably go looking for each other eventually, but uh, that's as far as I've got for the moment, haha!

As for partners and where people end up:

Player would have Gatomon! (Gatomon -> Angewomon -> Magnadramon line) Partly because the fact that Gatomon is a cat like Chirithy, partly because Chirithy's English VA is the same as Kari's VA (Gatomon's partner in the anime). I imagine the OG Player ends up as like...a digital ghost after they die? Maybe Player 2 and the members of the Baroque Society are friends and end up poking through the remains of "Daybreak Town," and Player 2 starts to slowly pick up memories from Player 1, which starts to make their identity feel...blurred.

Ven's original partner is Lopmon (Lopmon -> Turuiemon -> Antylamon -> Cherubimon Vice/Virtue). Since Ven's a "pure light" in KH canon, I figured it'd be fun if he was partnered with the member of the Three Great Angels that was most famously corrupted. Lopmon is kind of... possessed and rebooted by the entity, and so doesn't get to escape with Ven. Ven ends up being found by Terra, Aqua, and Eraqus and taken in. (Not 100% sure what's going on with Eraqus and Xehanort; maybe they were part of the of the original, REAL chosen children, but they failed because the entity possessed Baldr and his partner and they killed everyone else?) Ven I think later ends up with a Pteromon he accidentally befriends, who encourages him to go looking for the things he's missing. (Maybe Eraqus reveals a little of his history to Terra and Aqua here because he needs to get Ven back? And sends them out with their own, newly-obtained partners.)

(Side note, but I think when Ven leaves the digital world the first time, he leaves behind a digital "copy" of himself that was influenced by the entity. This is Vanitas, who I think inherits a corrupted/reborn Lopmon. He has most of OG Ven's memories.)

@hallowed-nebulae said at one point that he'd probably pair Ephemer with Coronamon and Skuld with Lunamon so they could fuse into GraceNovamon for the final battle, and I honestly LOVE that idea. Alternatively, I could see Ephemer with Dorumon (Dorumon -> Raptordramon -> Grademon -> Alphamon) for the whole "leader of the Royal Knights"/leader of the Union Leaders" thing. Ephemer I think does the best job retaining his memories, though things are still spotty. He and his partner work on trying to rebuild the digital world.

If Skuld didn't end up with Lunamon, I think Gammamon (Gammamon -> BetelGammamon -> Canoweissmon -> Siriusmon) would be a good fit for the connection to the stars. I think Xehanort still finds her? If we go with the "Xehanort was one of the OG chosen children" thing, maybe he became like... obsessed with that and takes Skuld in because he found another one "like him." (Maybe he finds Vanitas, too, even if Vanitas is still trapped in the digital world? And trains him and Skuld together. Vanitas and Skuld interactions have Potential.)

(OH WAIT. Fun partner idea: maybe Skuld had Lunamon originally, but passes her on to Isa to protect her/because Xehanort has implied SOMETHING is going to happen and she wants to make sure Isa and Lea remember her, and THEN she gets Gammamon. Since GulusGammamon has a full line, I could see her having that at first, before moving into the main BetelGammamon line.)

(Also Gammamon's bandana reminds her of someone and she doesn't know who.)

Brain would get Keramon (Keramon -> Chrysalimon -> Infermon -> Diaboromon) because he says he's going to be "the virus that rewrites the program," and Keramon is a LITERAL virus. I think maybe Sigurd works for MoM and gets sent out to bring at least one of the UX crew in and try again? I'd guess that Brain realizes something's up at some point.

Lauriam would have Floramon (Floramon -> Kiwimon -> Blossomon -> BloomLordmon) because of the flower theme, and because Bloomlordmon reminds me of Marluxia, haha. Not 100% sure what happens with him; I kind of like the idea of him and Elrena doing their own thing? Maybe Elrena was part of the game originally, but had to quit playing or something, and she ends up teaming up with Lauriam after he reappears, since she knew his sister.

(Elrena I could see with Herissmon or Pulsemon? A little undecided there.)

Strelitzia gets Leomon. Just so everyone knows exactly what's going to happen to her :). (Okay, but outside of the "Leomon always dies" joke, Pomumon -> Parasaurmon -> Toropiamon -> Hydramon would work.)

The nice part of this AU is that the UX crew can actually all reunite with each other eventually! Since they're just scattered across space, and not time.

[snailor-bee]

Marco x NB!Reader / SFW  / 2.1k Summary: Marco is finally going to confess to you! If only it would stop going wrong... Notes: Written for @op-xreader-zine! All the art is done by the amazing @issatheartist thank you for working with me on this! ;w;

This was it! Marco was finally going to do it. He was going to walk up to you and confess. 

He'd been crushing on you for a while now and it was time. He'd dealt with the teasing from his brothers and the nurses for far too long. Originally Marco had held himself back because he hadn't wanted to ruin what the two of you already had. 

Friends, nakama, family. 

Still, everyone had insisted that he go for it and had completely ignored his reasonings for maybe why he shouldn't—"Marco, you can't seriously use your rank as an excuse; the only person higher than you is Pops"—so that's how he found his hands sweating, wrapped around a bouquet of flowers. 

Maybe it was a bit simple but at this point, Marco figured it was better than nothing. His head felt like a jumbled mess and he hadn't really planned out how he was going to do this but he'd wing it as he went along, all Marco had to do was find you and—

So distracted by his thoughts, he bounced off someone's body made a little oof of pain. 

"Marco!" Izou's voice broke through his thoughts. "Watch where you're going. What are you doing?" 

"I, uh," he couldn't bring himself to say it. Izou was the ship's gossip and if Marco said he was looking for you in order to confess then you'd hear about it before Marco even got to you. Sweat beaded at his brow as Izou's sharp gaze took him in. Uncharacteristically, Marco knew he looked nervous. 

Which might as well have been blood in the water for a shark, when one was dealing with Izou. 

Then all at once, Izou's posture softened and he smiled. "Are those for me?? For my birthday!? Oh, you shouldn't have, these are my favorite too!" Still gushing, Izou grabbed the bouquet and Marco was too stunned to stop him. 

"A-ah, yes. I was worried you wouldn't like them, yoi," he said, going for a smile. It was a bit strained but Izou didn't seem to notice. Marco cursed himself internally. He'd been so focused on the almost-not-quite-confession, Izou's birthday had completely slipped his mind. 

"No, they're perfect ," Izou enthused happily and Marco sighed fondly, letting the anxiety of confronting you fade. He could always do it later. 

The next 'attempt' wasn't really an attempt. 

Marco had been walking down a street when his inner phoenix noticed a section of smooth rocks. Without too much thought, he reached out and snatched one up. He frequently did this; the drawers in his office were filled with random bits and bobs, shiny pieces of metal, rocks, and other random things that appealed to his phoenix half for whatever reason. Marco never mentioned it to anyone but a few of his brothers who had been around him for years had picked up on it, though they were kind enough not to point it out. 

So, without much thought, when he saw you chatting with some other shipmates, Marco ambled over and handed you the rock. "Here, for you." 

You raised a brow and looked into your palm before running your thumb over the stone's surface, feeling out the texture. 

Inside, his phoenix cooed and Marco was grateful he wasn't in his half-form. He could tell that his tails would be going wild right about now, watching your reaction.

"...Thanks," you said at last, sounding confused before you pocketed the rock and turned back to listen to the story that Ace had been in the process of telling. It didn't deter Marco at all, you had accepted it! 

Feeling thrilled somewhere deep in his bones, he barely felt the jab to his ribs. 

"Hey," Thatch whispered, "you know they aren't a bird, right?" 

Confused, Marco cocked his head. Thatch gestured at you with his chin. "They probably don't know why you just handed them a rock. Shouldn't you be doing more, uh, human courting stuff?" 

There was a few seconds of incomprehension before the meaning hit him and Marco felt like dissolving into dust and disappearing forever. He leaned over to bury his head into Thatch's shoulder to cover up the sound of his groan of pain as his brother laughed and patted his back. 

"Don't worry, you'll get them next time, birdie." 

Next time ended up being a love letter. 

Old fashioned? Maybe. But Marco was getting desperate. At least this would be crystal clear. 

He'd gone through numerous editions. The trash can in his room was overflowing with failed attempts, bunched up balls of paper scattered around his desk as he tried again and again until he finally felt he had it all down. 

Exactly what about you that made him smile, how the simple sight of you lifted his spirits and the sound of your laugh made his chest tight. He'd bared it all. 

Walking across the busy deck, the night breeze ruffling his hair, Marco was barely able to return the greetings he got as he passed by scattered groups. He'd locked eyes with you right away and once you noticed him coming, you'd said your goodbyes and were coming to meet him halfway. 

The closer and closer the two of you got, the more and more nervous Marco became. The butterflies in his stomach were making him feel like he might throw up. What if you didn't return his feelings? What if you thought the letter was lame? 

What if you went to read it right away? Oh fuck , he hadn't thought this through. He didn't want to watch your face as you read the confession, heartfelt though it may be. If you had to turn him down after he poured his heart onto the parchment, Marco really didn't know how he was going to take that. 

Saying it to your face, letting you turn him down gently without realizing the true depths of his feeling was way more appealing. 

His step faltered before a rush of heat flashed beside him. On instinct he tossed the letter into the roar of fire. Ace was likely showing off and didn't even notice the slight disturbance. 

"What was that?" you asked, finally having made your way to him. 

"Nothing," Marco said quickly. "Someone did their report so badly, so I had a bunch of corrections but thinking it over I realized I'll just have them redo it. Makes it easier, yoi." 

You laughed. "Harsh. I'd hate to be them, putting in all that work for nothing." 

Marco shrugged, trying for nonchalance. "Yeah but I'm sure they'll get over it." 

"Wow, Marco, you're not very good at this are you?" Ace asked with a snicker. Marco glared, fork paused midway to his mouth. Thatch elbowed him good-naturedly from his side. They were sitting in the galley, the shipmates talking around them creating a symphony of noise that easily hid the conversation from others. 

"Good at what, yoi?" Marco asked, placing the fork down. Thatch threw an arm around his shoulders and shook him lightly as Ace's eyes sharpened with glee. 

"Now Ace," Thatch said, mockingly sweet, "don't go teasing our resident birdbrain here. He's trying so hard, the poor thing." 

"Get off," Marco said, irritated as he pushed at Thatch until he let him go, laughing. 

"Think they've even noticed?" Ace asked thoughtfully before shoving something into his mouth and chewing loudly. 

Marco opened his mouth to answer but Thatch beat him to it. "Hopefully not, though Marco looking so pathetic has been quite amusing." Thatch batted away his hand before Marco could punch him in the ribs, the bastard. 

Grunting with annoyance, Marco looked away just in time to catch you several tables away leaning your head back with a laugh and he stared, heart suddenly in his throat. He couldn't help it, you were just so—

"Plus the whole ships been taking bets at this point," Thatch tacked on and Marco tore his gaze away from you. 

"What?!" Marco demanded as Ace hooted joyfully. Thatch shrugged, grinning all the while.

"Maybe you shouldn't look like a lovesick bird all the time and we wouldn't have to take bets on when you finally get your act together. Do not" —Thatch pointed a steak knife menacingly in Ace's direction after a garbled noise had started— "talk with your mouth full. Swallow." 

Dutifully, Ace swallowed his barely chewed food and took a second to catch his breath before barrelling on, "Whatcha got planned next, Marco? Anything good?" 

"Excuse me? All my ideas have been fine so far!" Two blank looks had his hackles raising but before he could argue more, your voice rang out. 

"Hey, Marco!" Immediately he whipped his head up and caught your eye. You waved before you arrived behind Ace, patting him on the shoulder. "I was wondering if we could spar later?" 

Quickly, he nodded back. "Yeah, that sounds great!" Embarrassingly, he heard his voice hit a slightly higher pitch, almost as if his voice had cracked. Ace and Thatch did a terrible job at stifling their giggles as Marco felt his face flush traitorously. 

"Great!" you enthused, apparently having not noticed. "See you after lunch?" 

Not trusting his voice, he nodded and you skipped away happily. Once you were far enough away, Ace and Thatch collapsed into loud laughter, Ace banging on the table as Thatch wheezed out between his laughs, "What are you Marco, twelve ?? What was that?!" 

"I hate both of you," Marco grit out between clenched teeth before shoving his half finished tray of food at Ace. "Finish this, I'm leaving, yoi." 

"Good luck on your dateeee," Ace managed to yell out before he got too far away. Marco flipped him off over his shoulder. 

"So, Marco." You looked uncharacteristically anxious as you fidgeted and looked at everything except him. Marco felt his stomach drop to the deck. What was wrong? You hadn't... noticed had you? Fuck, this was not how he wanted you to find out. 

He'd come to find you for your spar after Ace and Thatch had literally laughed him out of the galley. You'd seemed eager enough to see him before dragging him to a quiet part of the deck, mentioning you had something to say first. 

Seemingly steeling your nerves, you looked into his eyes and they burned with determination. 

"I've liked you for a really long time now. You're literally one of my best friends and more than that you make me feel like I can fly, like nothing could ever hurt me. I didn't really want to mention this and have it ruin our friendship but I can't keep it to myself anymore. Please go on a date with me!" 

Time seemed like it stood still as he gaped at you. He could see your cheeks flush, likely with embarrassment at your proclamation but he was still reeling. 

Finally, you swallowed. "And if you don't feel the same—" 

"No!" he cut in, finally finding his voice. Marco grabbed up your hands, cradling them close. "No, don't. Just, I—" He chuckled with wry amusement before pressing a chaste kiss to your knuckles. "I'm just a little shocked. I've been trying to ask you out for ages now." 

"Wait, really?" you asked, mouth dropping open. He nodded with a smile. There was a strange buzzing in his body, from his toes up to the tips of his ears. Everything felt a little fuzzy, a little warm. He wanted to run around the deck like a teenager again, grab you close and never let go, scream over the railing until he ran out of breath. So many different emotions were raging through him, he was beginning to feel dizzy from the weight of all of them. 

Deciding to just pick one, he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close into his chest, breathing in your scent as he began to chuckle lowly. You joined in and soon the two of you were full-out laughing. When you separated, he brushed a hand against your cheek reverently, giddy that he was able to do so. 

"To be honest," Marco began, "I don't think I can spar right now, I feel like my knees are made of jell-o." 

You laughed again. "That's okay, I'm feeling the same. Wanna go tell Pops instead?" 

Marco ran a hand through his hair, before smiling at you. "Sure. We're about to get the teasing of a lifetime." 

You held out a hand and he took it, fingers twining together with yours like they were meant to be. 

"We may as well get started," you said back, fondness shining in your eyes and maybe, just maybe, a hint of something more.

[andbrokenmemories]

So it's weird how like. The Kennet girls are good at everything, aren't they? [pale spoilers ahead]

Like that's obvious, it's textual -- it's very textual, other characters being in something like awe over it over and over and over across the story. The girls are very good at this, and they have a deep well of power. This comes up continuously.

what's weird is thaaat a lot of the fanbase seem to like, enjoy that. Enjoy having protagonists who can play around with magic in a way Blake never ever could have. I kind of get that, I won't like shit-talk it too hard. (I do like Verona, y'know?)

But it's an interesting fact. Because Wildbow's the underdog protagonist guy! At least in action scenes, that's his whole thing! Taylor and Blake have to eat shit and die to claw their way to victory, and often those scenes work for me. And it's one of the things I think WB gets the most praise for? Like, from his established base. It's a conscious choice to not do that for Pale. He like, introduced the idea that this kind of wild practitioner would be especially powerful. He made that up for this book.

I wonder what that decision looks like -- after Ward, and Ward's issues, especially, since that seemed to be the first break from this. Underdog protagonists seem to be the default, for him; the thing he has most experience with. I've seen posts from him describing his process -- put characters against the wall without having a pre-planned out for them, so WB himself has to puzzle out exactly what they can use to make it out alive -- and he seemed to derive like... An actual enjoyment, out of it?

Yeah, there are fights in Pale where they're up against the wall... even one where, with Dire Consequences for us all, Wildbow had them lose because he couldn't see a way for them to win!

But it's not the same. I'd honestly say they usually lose because of their like, lack of full maturity -- their child soldier-y emotional rawness and uncertainty -- their lack of cohesion, as the book usually plays it. Lucy cannot stop John from joining the Contest because she can't hold her nerve against him. The girls cannot stop the murder plot from coming to fruition because they lack unity, aren't working together as a team. Emotional stuff. The girls have more tools in their box than any Wildbow protagonist before them, by far, but they can't always use them properly to get the W, for emotional reasons, for character reasons.

In theory, that's an interesting direction (maybe, possibly), and I should be relieved that Wildbow is trying something fresh. In practice... I've said I don't like Pale's fight scenes. I think Wildbow is plainly worse at this than the content of his previous works.

Part of this is seen in the Contest. Or, at least, how Wildbow Posts about it. If you can't tell, a specific WoG lives in my brain: Wildbow said once that he kept the story going past Break because he genuinely did not believe the trio could beat Maricica. I can imagine him doing his typical calculus for this, and what led him to that conclusion, maybe. For example, we've heard a lot about the ability of the Fae to manipulate stuff, aaaand to have the girls come along and undo all of that with minimal information to begin with wouuld sort of. Damage our belief in Faerie significance. Still, though -- cards on the table, here -- I think this was a Dumb and Bad choice. (It's a sidenote to this post, but I think it's very strange that, in-story the straw that breaks the camel's back is shown to be the Alabaster allowing shit to go on rather than throwing in with John, effectively a betrayer revealed moment -- a thing that, even if sorta his intention from the start, he could simply say 'aw beans i never really planned this out far enough' and just drop. for the sake of wrapping up a better story. and naturally i believe this would have been better also because it means we never would have fucking gotten White Woman Animus!! i digress. i digress.)

Maricica had weaknesses the story gave us to nibble on, and those weaknesses... are just kind of dangling threads, now? As of where I hopped off? like, guess she can't be that inexperienced with people if she became a goddess and started a cult and helped with all that red heron shit lol

So it's that thing I said, about fight scenes being more character driven. But then also, he's clearly thinking about this the same way as ever! As shown by his weird logic with framing the story going past Break as a thing he Had To Do, for Logical Reasons, or at least that weighing on the decision. a thing that is silly and i disagree with on it's face. right?

And then this shows in the sheer quantity of fight scenes -- if the girl's main limiter is internal emotional context and stuff........... uh... why are there so many fights? Why wouldnt the story naturally curve towards. having fewer fight scenes when theres no other way to square things away. that progress character arcs. whyyy do i care about fight scene 129 when i know how strong these girls are. whyyy are we fighting so many random others, and dedicating genuinely long segments of story to them, rather than montaging that shit? Getting it over with? If it has to be there at all? (for reference -- I just tried to think of a Random Pale Fight i fully don't think mattered. i selected the random like. angel summoner guy? with the fortnite constructor angel. that's a part of the musser invasion or whatever. this is a character with literally no substance, just a musser-side goon. From him entering the ongoing! fight to Lucy getting out of dodge is 4.6k words. Plague 12.7, the Mannequin fight, up to Mannequin leaving -- that's almost the entire chapter -- is 6.9k words. on the worm wiki, i saw there's a brief 'major events' summary of that chapter. i couldnt tell you the major events of the Pale chapter, of which that section of fight is like a third, maybe. lucy gets a bit more upset. lucy gets in a few quips against musser-side characters that actually matter but actually dont matter much to how that broader conflict is resolved. i guess.)

Wildbow writes any random fight the girls get into as being worth as many words as his fights in the past! the scrappy, pay-offy ones. bleh. My point in all this: you cannot simply set your protags up in the way I'm positing, here, and then continue to use the same vocabulary of every other serial anyway. it straight up doesn't work. it's exhausting. The Future is An Eternal Slaughterhouse 9000 Arc. Look, thats a criticism that boils down to 'web serials are too long'. And I'm not sure I care too much about web serials being too long! I have read longer web serials with longer fight scenes! I have written fiction with a longer average word count per chapter than Wildbow, at least during Worm! its a real criticism, but its not one im amazingly interested in personally. But the Kennet three could've had weaknesses to play around -- or at least, more weaknesses. We are in a Post-Pact world, and in this Post-Pact world, the magic in Pale really barely feels like it, uh, relies on discourse and presentation. like at all. And that seems like an option to give these characters obstacles! An option Wildbow gestures at during the Musser meta-arc!

but what struck me getting that word count comparison earlier, skimming that fight? The girls just aren't operating in that world. There's never a thought for presentation -- maybe sometimes, for a slight edge. But it never really matters, certainly not after the blue heron. They're using glamour as a workhorse tool, covering goblins in it for brief misdirects to get an edge in a fight; they're calling on the same shrine spirits over and over. They don't build up tools over a portion of story then cash them out for a satisfying win, they're just... strong. They have more items in their bags than Wildbow probably knows what to do with. Strong enough for just Lucy to dunk on any random set of practitioners, but not strong enough for the story to just skip that part, and not strong enough to just solve the plot until it's time to go fuck up Charles and end the story.

I know you could argue that I'm making this up, or that it's what some people prefer to what Pact was doing. But I just think it's not even what wildbow is good at! (and i always theorize that when wildbow is writing kind of bad, it's probably because he's not actually engaged or happy with what he's putting himself through. did he read a specific thing that made him personally excited to make the girls so versatile? I don't really know, but I don't get that vibe.)

And I have a couple of specific things I want to point out to try and prove this is like. a thing at all, to wrap up on: First, Glamour is used as this very, uh, soft magic thing, this very basic narrative tool. A pure mechanic of, like, mental states. If you're shaken, if you're uncertain, your glamour gives out on you -- if you shake your opponents, make them skittish, your glamour is better at misdirecting them. This is fiiine? But too vague for what Glamour is. Wildbow simply failed to properly present tradeoffs to one of his character's main action verbs, one that literally had those tradeoffs in Pact. And one last example to try and prove this: they dont even wear the hats and cloaks anymore duuude. Like, in my eyes: there was a very simple to read gambit being made, with the hats and masks and cloaks? You are awakening early, you will always have awoken early: You accepted an early shield against what that meant. A constructed image in place of the image of a fully-fledged adult, masking that youth; Whimsical and inherently magical, inherently wild. It's a very basic tradeoff, and one the story promises you it knows: even if they really would rather not have to go through the whole song and dance of suiting up, if it's tactically suboptimal or else they mature out of it and realise it's not for them, they will never be able to escape it -- not without giving up power. A mark accepted that cannot be given up. A mechanical restriction on their powersets to make up for some of their advantages, that also has some character relevancy. The Good Stuff.

except yeah it can. be taken off. it doesn't super matter. not really. they do plenty of magic without all the stuff on or even any of the stuff on -- it's rarely presented as an obstacle. it doesnt really matter. Because then, you see, they couldnt mature out of it and do cool stuff! it'd be. annoying. frustrating. they'd have to like. deal with changing past the natures they made for themselves. they'd have to. be characters. with character issues. that present themselves in fight scenes. you know?? what are we doing.

[pain-is-too-tired]

Honestly,I think one of the reasons I hate how quickly the writing in TLO onward dropped mentioning Michael so fast is, not only cause I think he's a really interesting character and I love the Lil guy, but-

It's very likely that without his quick thinking, Kronos mightve won.

That, theoretically he dies before he can point out the fault in the bridge to Percy, maybe he's one of the demigods that Kronos knocks off earlier in the battle or something.

Percy is too focused on his fight with Kronos to notice the fault of have the same plan that Michael had, even more so with Annabeth being hurt and Michael being dead his fighting with a lot of grief and rage at that point (I mean, if he screams so loud it carried off into the air after he can't find Michael in canon, I imagine seeing him knocked off by Kronos along side Annabeth being hurt as well is gonna have him pretty upset.)

But at that point he's fighting mostly on his own, even if the living members of the Apollo cabin jump back in to help they're still highly outnumbered.

Percy might be mostly invincible with the Achilles curse, but it doesn't give him infinite energy. And not only is he fighting Kronos, but if Kronos told his army to back him up again they very much will. And 1 on gods know how many monsters and demigods ain't gonna do good

Especially since I'm sure Kronos is fully aware that Percy is gonna to avoid killing demigods as much as possible. And Kronos is willing to kill his own demigods so he's not holding anything back.

Maybe Percy's grief and rage might get him to be a tiny more reckless, but it's just a very bad situation if he doesn't notice the fault or manage to break the bridge in time.

Now if Kronos manages to wear Percy down enough to overwhelm him or whatever, idk exactly what he do after that? Find a way to keep him contained or attack every spot until he finds his weak point(like tigerclaw telling bluestar he'd keep killing her until all 9 lives were gone.) And we already know he had some close idea of where his weak spot was after Annabeth jumped in front of the knife sooo-

Anyway, yeah- so if both Michael and Percy are taken out the picture in the first battle, and Kronos marches on, there's multiple things that's gonna probably ensure his win.

1. He's likely gonna wipe out the rest of the Apollo cabin once he deals with Percy, which includes Will, and 11-12 year old Kayla and Austin(I'm mentioning their age mainly cause MY GODS THEY WERE BABIES)

2.Without an Apollo kid to heal Annabeth, I'm pretty sure it's heavily implied she wouldn't have made it. Like the Hunter's healing would not been enough. So they're out Annabeth too

3. The party ponies don't come until after Hyperion and all that iirc(like the end of the second night i think?) So there's no saving from them unless Chiron manages to convince them earlier but I'm running on the idea that it happens about the same as in canon with the Party Ponies.

4. Ares cabin doesn't come until the final day in canon. Now with this maybe Silena is able to report that Percy, Annabeth (if she dies before Silena goes to get the Ares cabin, at least she able to say Annabeth not looking good.),Michael, and the whole Apollo cabin been wiped out, and that might knock some sense into Clarisse to get her going earlier. But even then if Clarisse doesn't manage to get blessing of Ares somehow or whatever, they still might be cooked on that end in some form.

5. Hades, Persephone and Demeter probably wouldn't have made it in time either, maybe if Nico gets even more pushy after sensing Percy's death they might, but it's really up in the air how that'll work out and what would happen if they did get there earlier.

6. Poseidon is still focused on his fight in Atlantis, and without Percy he probably would jump in to take out Typhon. Maybe he might somehow go full rage of he manages to sense/ learn of Percy's death, but that's up in the air and, Like with 5, no telling how exactly that'll play out.

7. Gods likely will keep fighting Typhon. Which if the demigods and nature spirits are wiped out then Kronos going really have more freedom to tear down the thrones and wreck Olympus.

8. Rachel is a wild card, like maybe if she senses Percy might die at the bridge she might try to get to Manhattan before the battle even starts. But there's a lot of uncertainty if she could get there in time and everything. So that's up in the air at least

Over all, the BoM was 3 days of very close calls. The fact that the managed to push through each time by the hair of their chin is incredible and was built on a lot of lucky events.

Like a tower of cards. Remove one card the whole tower goes down.

And Michael's sacrifice was one of the cards that definitely kept Kronos from winning. And the fact that Rick doesn't even bother to finish his arc (We don't see Clarisse reaction to his death nor do we learn if his body was found or not, not even a burial shroud described, the chariot situation was solved off screen and then completely destroyed the next book. Like Rick did not give a care in the world about Michael after the bridge dhdyd)

It's very much a frustrating thing to me because how much Michael's death could've been something that really drove Percy in battle at least in one of the battles after Williamsburg Bridge. Heck, not only him connecting Ethan to Annabeth getting hurt but with Michael's death because he was there(even if he had nothing to do with it, Percy's at least gonna be frustrated with grief.)

The scene after Percy breaks the bridge is one of my favorites, because the small details. Kronos still looking a bit smug when he retreats. Percy's frantic search when he sees Michael's missing, HES SCREAM CARRYING INTO THE MORNING.

THE FACT MICHAEL DIES AS THE SUNS COMES UP,THAT HIS FINAL MOMENTS HE STILL GETS TO BE UNDER HIS FATHER'S LIGHT. THAT WILL RISES TO HIS POSITION AT DAWN-

And just. Michael Yew my beloved.

[ga-yuu]

A Date At The Mysterious Otherworld Rikka Story

He showed up one day out of blue. Yukijoro Rikka.

An old friend of Tamamo. He is now living at the Shogunate as a member...

(Hm? That's Rikka, right?)

While shopping, I happened to see Rikka in town.

Woman 1: "Ahh!! Onii-san, you look so cool!!"

Woman 2: "Hey, do you want to play with me?"

Rikka: "Mm. I don't mind....how about the three of us together?"

(....What should I do? Is he okay?)

(Rikka is Tamamo's friend and he also seems like a friendly demon towards humans)

(Honestly, I still don't know much about his personality)

Despites my doubts about whether to interrupt him or not, I still called out to him.

Yoshino: "Rikka. Don't you have to go back soon?"

Rikka: "Ah, Yoshino."

Rikka noticed me and tilted his head. Then he turned to look at the women.

Rikka: "That's right. Sorry, but I forgot I had plans."

Women: "Awww..."

(Maybe I did something bad)

Rikka: "See you later. ...Let's go, Yoshino."

I quickly bowed at the women who looked disappointed and Rikka takes my hand.

Yoshino: "Y-Yes. Please excuse us."

I started walking as Rikka pulled me by the hand.

..........

Rikka: "Were you worried about them? Do you not trust me?"

Yoshino: "Sorry! It's just that, it's rare to find demons like Tamamo who likes humans."

We stopped in a deserted alley and I bowed to Rikka.

Rikka: "........"

Rikka: "You're so polite. You don't have to bow your head down to a demon."

Rikka: "I was just thinking of taking those women in a locked room, let them have their way with me and send them home after they're satisfied."

Yoshino: "H-Have their way w-with you..."

His sexy smile made my cheeks heat up.

Rikka: "What are you thinking?"

(....Ngh)

Yoshino: "......You're just teasing me, right?"

Rikka: "I guess."

(Rikka.....is so hard to grasp)

Rikka: "Yoshino, thanks to you I have some free time....play with me."

Yoshino: "You won't take me to a locked room, right....?"

Rikka shrugged his shoulders as I step back cautiously.

Rikka: "Okay. Then let's go on a date."

Yoshino: "Date? But I feel sorry for the women who approached you earlier. If they see us..."

Rikka: "Let's go somewhere where no one can find us."

And before I knew it, we were at-----

(The Otherworld!?)

Rikka: "Yes. This is reasonably a safe place. Don't worry. The only trouble is, we might get attacked by some weirdo."

Yoshino: "Rikka is always so languid, but not very pushy.....!?"

Rikka: "You're quite easy to please, huh?"

Rikka: "If you get yourself kidnapped by an unknown demon like me....you never know what they might do to you."

I felt chills when I saw him laughing and I couldn't tell if he was being serious or not.

(Rikka doesn't have ears or wings like Tamamo or Kurama)

(Despite looking like any other human, why does the Otherworldly atmosphere...suits him so well?)

It feels like, I'm going to be swallowed by that ominous atmosphere.....

Yoshino: "I trust Tamamo, so I want to trust his friend, Rikka too."

Yoshino: "If that's not enough, can you tell me more about you from now on?"

Rikka looked straight at me, when I boldly held out my hand.

Rikka: "........."

Rikka: "When you bring up Tamamo, I guess I feel a little weak."

(Ah....)

Rikka takes my hand and kisses my fingertips.

Rikka: "Okay. Then, can you tell me about you too?"

Yoshino: "....! Sure!"

(Thank god. Now I think I can get along well with Rikka)

Looking at me happily, he murmurs something under his breath.

Rikka: ".....In the human world, fighting over a woman with your best friend is considered 'a bog', right?"

Yoshino: "....? Did you say something?"

Rikka: "Haha, no. Nothing."

Rikka: "Come Yoshino. I'll....show you something, you haven't seen before."

The prospect of a stimulating encounter, with cold fingertips entwined, made my heart race-----

[rozaceous]

what does kakashi think of mariko now???

HAHAHA oh isn't this the question!! and i think this is complex and somewhat contradictory, because kakashi really does love mariko, and (speaking specifically pre- ch 17) has admired her fortitude, her grit and determination. he sympathizes with her and everything she's been through, believes in her good heart, and he wants her to do well and be happy and all that. he was really proud of her! pre-ch 17, he basically thought the sun shone out of her ass. they got really close!

i think the hardest part for him is that now with everything she's done, he knows there's no going back. his cute little apprentice isn't coming home, except maybe in a body scroll. it's either victory or death for her, and victory includes a life on the run or at least outside of fire country, bc you can maybe walk back the assassination but not domestic terrorism. and for as much as he abhors her actions (he is a very loyal shinobi), he understands her motivations just as much, and can't disagree as such. after all, that's his nindou, yeah? better to break the rules and stand by your friends?

so i think he feels a lot of guilt for not noticing that she'd been planning this all along--it's probably fairly obvious in retrospect that she'd been doing that. i think he feels inadequate and guilty that he, for whatever reason, wasn't good enough or trustworthy enough for her to go to him for help. and rn her actions are forcing him to really grapple w his ideology as a ninja bc the beliefs she espouses are his beliefs, but taken to the extreme.

kakashi does think that the village system will use its ninja up and spit them out like they're inhuman tools, and he knows that his fellow ninja are two-faced. (his dad is a traitor for saving his team, but kakashi gets called friend-killer even when his mission technically succeeds? besides it not being his fault.) he's decided that care for his comrades is his highest good acc to his nindou, but he still follows village oversight. mariko's actions are so extreme that it's a straight 'one or the other' scenario. she's fairly clearly outlined all the hypocrisy she's witnessed and said "no thanks." so now he's wondering if she deserves censure or if he's just a coward.

he's got a bit of a bye on deciding rn bc he has tsunade's faith in his loyalty, and permission to let mariko go ham on akatsuki. he really doesn't want to hurt her! but she killed ppl when she blew up the village, so uh 😬. once her utility to konoha's goals runs out, he's in a pickle.

i think he's not at all sure how to progress from here. he wants things to go back to how they were, but like i mentioned above, he knows that's futile. the blow to his reputation, how her actions reflect on him--i doubt he'd give a single fuck how other ppl see him, bc again, he knows how fickle popular opinion is. but he loves team7 and loves his apprentice, and he wants there to be a way out. he doesn't see it yet.

[charliespringverse]

iwbft — tuesday: a brief summary of my annotations

all highlighted quotes: 136

· ouch/ow/owie: 12

· real/felt/relatable/so true: 5

· aroace: 2

· ☹/☹☹/☹☹☹: 9

Rowan is on his front, one arm slung over Jimmy's chest. Jimmy's head is tilted ever so slightly towards Rowan. — i've woken up like this with at least half my friends

The shipping itself isn't a major inconvenience to any of us. If anything, it keeps the fans interested. They think Judgement Day will eventually come and there'll be a big reveal that Rowan and I are secretly in love. There won't. We're not. — @larry shippers in the year of our lord 2023

It's always sort of been Rowan and Jimmy, plus Lister. We still love him of course. But that's just the way it is. — PAIN (note: this is all caps, huge, and triple underlined)

'I talk about The Ark all the time. I don't know why this was a surprise.' 'Fereshteh, it was a little bit of a surprise to me too.' 'Why?' 'I suppose... I suppose I never thought you actually cared about this band that much.' — parents vs actually listening to and validating their interests (failed, always)

Juliet chuckles weakly and looks away. I know she's had some bust-ups with her parents in the past. — understatement of the millennium

I'm an optimist. I like to believe that love exists. — it Does it just isn't always romantic/sexual. but it exists So Much

'I feel bad... feeling so happy when they're probably upset,' — ur so close to getting it queen

'Can't we just go home?' Lister mumbles. 'No,' she says. — foreshadowing innit

Rowan and I follow him immediately, like there's a string attaching us — ... invisible string addition to the folklore trilogy?

Lister tells us to go away, but Rowan just walks up to him and starts rubbing his back as he throws up. — ♡ listerowan bestieism

There's a big window on one side of the bathroom. Big enough to climb out, probably. We're on the ground floor. We could just climb out and run. Get up and go. — FORESHADOWING INNIT

Being trans has been a pretty you can big part of my life so far, thanks, but that shouldn't be particularly relevant here, in an interview about our music. — u can Never escape other ppl's obsession w ur transness

Dave laughs and says again, 'Now that's honesty.' — FUCK YOU DAVE (note: this is all caps, huge, and quadruple underlined)

I ask God to give me a bit of extra patience. Because every time Mac speaks, I sort of want to put an entire bag of cotton wool in his mouth. — what God is for x

Being a male fan of obscure old bands is, for some reason, more acceptable than being a female fan of a twenty-first-century boy band. — (also the obscure old bands are rarely that obscure. they're one direction for old white men)

They know exactly who they are. They put it in their blog about' page, they put it in their Twitter bio. I never know what to put in my Twitter bio so I usually just put an Ark lyric in there. — and when u enter ur confident aro-ace era? what then?

I like to think God does have a plan for everyone. But I also think there's too much shit in the world for all these plans to be perfect ones. Or maybe God doesn't have time to write a plan for everyone. And some of us are just trying our best and getting it a bit wrong. — i think this is why faith doesnt work for me

Everything's still there, though. My journals, my guitar, my main laptop, my childhood teddy bear, and the knife that Grandad gave me when I was sixteen. — now i want to know what he would admit to in one of them essentials interviews

It'd be useless as an actual weapon, since it's completely blunt - you can run your finger along the edge and not even get a scratch. — hhhh foreshadowing innit ☹

Not that he particularly goes seeking it. Everyone just wants to be friends with Lister Bird. — and yet he cares most abt getting closer to the two he shouldn't have to try for ☹

David [Tennant] thought she wanted a selfie, when in fact she was just trying to find the nearest toilet. — iconic

'Now, there'd better be some fucking Capri-Suns somewhere around here.' — me @ every function

When they were together they both seemed to stop worrying about everything else in their lives - Rowan was no longer an overworked band boy and Bliss was no longer a struggling student. They were just together. — ☹ justice for laimondi

Then he leans in and presses his lips against mine. Oh. Okay. Fine. This is fine. Can't say I realised this conversa- tion was going in this direction, but fine. — BAD (note: this is all caps, huge, and double underlined)

'But we're gods, Jimmy. What's better than that?' — pain. suffering. agony. heartache. torture, torment, anguish.

Holding it makes me feel real. It reminds me that I was born. That my life is something other than this birdcage I'm trapped in. Isn't it? Isn't it? — has his therapist ever discussed depersonalisation with him?

[gorgugplushie]

(paceplace) / honestly ttcc writing is very messy i agree. i love the game to bits and dissecting it but the flaws in it are as enriching to pick apart as it is frustrating to discover. it really, truly does break my heart that toons aren't as appreciated as the cogs and i wish there were toon characters you could focus on in the same way the mgrs are. the NPCs you meet along the taskline are charming and i adore every single one of them but as much as i personally like them i don't think its enough to capture people's attention in the broad sense.

irt my qualms w/ how ttcc handles its game i think one of the many main issues boils down to the fact that they're disorganized. their issue w/ how lore has been distributed has been addressed twice by the team itself iirc (once in th same tweet where they confirmed fire\\setter as canon and once in their writers backstage post from around a yr ago). their writers backstage post helped give a little more perspective on why the lore was scattered around Like That.

as all over the place as the lore is, i do feel it's important to mention that they said in their backstage writers post they plan on eventually migrating all of their social media comics to the website so things like the rain\\diver comic is very likely to still be canon they just haven't added it in yet. idk why they don't add it around the same time its posted on social media my guess is maybe they're still trying to organize all the lore or redo some of it since its so all over the place (a couple of the comics we have rn on their website that are considered canon has info that was technically retconned) but yeah. i have hope that the way they handle their lore and (hopefully!) their taskline when they get around to rewriting it will improve in the later updates. i try very hard to stay on top w/ clash's lore esp since i have ppl come to me w/ questions regarding clash's story, characters, etc. but sometimes it is Very headache-inducing so i sympathize w/ how confusing/frustrating it is to a casual player. or just any lore-enjoyer tbf. i swear on my life i almost went crazy trying to make a timeline with btl

anyways you don't have to answer this if you don't want (i gen. apologize for the wall of text i really tried to get straight to the point w/ what i'm saying. and even then there's still a lot i wanted to say) but i'm really glad to see discussions on it. oftentimes criticism gets mistaken for hate and it shuts the entire convo which Peeves me. even if w/e's being criticized turns out to fall flat its better to address or talk about it than it is to not, imo.

Yes, exactly! I agree with all the points you've made here.

It's so strange to me that ttcc doesn't really lean into more how the cogs affect the toons, or toon society for all that matter, its a wonder people are so baised with cogs because we really dont get anything about toons. Their less part of the game and more set peices for this war, which sucks!

Theres obviously alot more room to write about toon lore and it would be easier to implement it in game, yet it gets brushed aside to further characterize the cogs and thats sad bc alot of the toons are cute and unique! Ttcc has great toon designs!

I also have to agree with the way the lore is handled, id even go as far to say big updates themsleves are handled in a frankly. Unprofessional manner. I mean, compare the update live streams done in jokey powerpoint slides to ttrs panles where they talk about progress on the updates. We really get little to no inside information until it's already ready to drop. Sure the game updates more regularly but all these updates are starting to feel like filler and padding. I at least can hope that hammerspace and mix and match at least come with some toon lore?

Its a shame that alot of what drew me into this game ends up weighing it down : (

Also yeah lol i didnt main tag this for a reason i do want to keep the discussion open! But all great points!

[oc-tournaments]

ROUND TWO - MATCH 6

SALVANAN vs JOSEPH

SALVANAN: @the-demoness-next-door

JOSEPH: @cowsandcrows

VOTE BASED ON THE INFORMATION BELOW CUT!!

Propaganda Content Warnings: Abuse, manipulation, suicidal thoughts for SALVANAN. Mention of terrorism for JOSEPH.

SALVANAN:

PROPAGANDA: this poor man. buckle in, you have a LONG one coming. he's very old, he's the god of plants + the earth and he's great i love him but man i have not been nice to him. so. way early in his life, he had a very sweet boyfriend named azyll along w lots of mutual friends. except oops, sal developed chronic anxiety and depression and decided that he did not think he would be good for azyll and broke it off w him. it was amicable but it still sucks. fast forward a bit, one of the friends in their circle, jekath, is being manipulated and hurt for no reason and sal knows but for magic reasons he's incapable of telling anyone, just has to watch. and then he eventually has to watch jekath finally snap under the pressure and betray them all and go evil. no bueno. so he spends a long time feeling terrible and eventually he plans to just. yknow. off himself. but oh surprise this little boy named safari shows up in his garden! and he's like well shit guess im a dad now. and he loves this little boy very much. it's good times! except when he's a teenager two of the little boy's biological brothers drop him off a cliff and nearly kill him, which is, yknow, terrifying. that's his son! his son was almost murdered! no! bueno! anyway, azyll's mortal so eventually he dies of old age, now sal's even sadder. least he's still got his other friends and safari but Man. anyway fast forward again, whole world is at war. and his two best friends, arona and morana, both die in it. but if that was not bad enough, arona was killed by jekath. you know, the old friend that was abused and eventually betrayed them all. so the friend he felt like he failed has now murdered one of his best friends. and his other best friend is ALSO dead. things are just going Great. flash forward another little while and his goddaughter's husband, sibrum, goes evil against his will too. he's known sibrum since he was a kid so now he's got ANOTHER person he felt responsible for gone evil against their will. then sibrum's daughter dies. are you seeing a pattern yet. anyway, sibrum soon kills jekath so now sal feels like he's double failed both of them and also even MORE of his original friends are dead now. so he is trying So Hard to relax! but then safari is turned into a terrible person against his will too! and because they were so so close for so so long they end up in a toxic dynamic instead of cutting each other off. sal finally figures out how to break the spell on safari and it's all Okay Now (they're both traumatized and it's definitely not okay). he gets to relax for only a brief time before his other child's son, volta, has a villain arc too. and what happens? you guessed it! sal tries to stop him and help him and he's not able to. and feels like he failed someone AGAIN. yeah this just happens over and over through the course of his life. he's so tired and sad man

THEME SONG:

JOSEPH:

PROPAGANDA: Hes a military captain (sheltered idiot). WAAYYYY too trusting and falls in love with someone who turns out to be a terrorist they need to kill. they decide to trust this person instead and repeatedly get used and betrayed (3 betrayals because i love religious connotations). they will never be happy despite how much they want to be because he finds it hard to change (he's always so close to figuring it out but his circumstances won't let it happen. hes too stubborn cries). HES A DANDY PATHETIC BITCH. hes too gay for this world. every time he trusts someone its the wrong decision and every time he decides not to, he should have. tragic inevitability ect. love him <3

THEME SONG:

[offmychest-official]

really sorry for the long story, i didn't mean for it to turn out this long and in the end ik it's not really that huge of a deal but i feel like i need to get it out somewhere...

basically i didn't tell my friend how upset i was at them for pretty much ditching me when we had plans, and i don't know how to tell them. i don't think they get how important the plans were to me, but at the same time i feel sort of stupid that it was that important to me, and idk what to do about it.

my close friend, I'll call and i (both 19) went to the same high school, but they took a gap year for mental health reasons before starting at the same university, so they're a freshman and i'm a sophomore despite graduating together. i was really excited they were starting at the same school as me, both because it meant i would get to see them more often and because it would give them some (in my opinion) much needed distance from their very overbearing and somewhat controlling parents. (they also agree that their parents kind of suck but i didn't tell them i felt that way until they had already expressed a similar sentiment). this sudden distance from their parents also meant i was expecting a certain amount of "rebellion" while we were at school, which isn't a problem at all to me as long as they're staying safe.

anyway. we had been trying for a while to plan an activity where they could meet of my college friends, since i had already met their roommate and some of their friends. the perfect opportunity came when some of my favorite creators released a piece of media that i had been waiting for for several years and my college friends (despite not really liking that specific type of media, god bless them) agreed to have a watch party with me and asked if i wanted to invite my friend. my friend immediately said yes and seemed super excited. i was incredibly excited for this hangout and could not stop thinking about it for like two days straight. i couldn't wait to introduce my friends in person (they had met over text before and seemed to get along pretty well which was promising) and i absolutely could not wait to share this thing with them. the series it's part of is one of my main fandoms and i've had several periods of intense hyperfixation on it. i was also definitely really intensely hyperfixating on this new addition to the series and i was really really excited to share it with my friends. (note: i had already watched it once before the watch party with my friends, which they all knew and it wasn't a problem. i watched it on my own bc we couldn't all get together the night it came out and they told me not to worry about waiting any longer because i'd been waiting for its release for like 3 years already which i really appreciated.)

so the day of the watch party rolls around. i'm practically bouncing off the walls with excitement. then i see my friend messaging in a discord server w our friends from back home. basically the gist of the messages was pretty jokey, like "haha i'm gonna do something stupid" and then a pic of a tattoo parlor (for context this was the weekend of friday the 13th and there were still some specials going on in the tattoo shops around town). i responded pretty jokingly back pretending to try to talk them out of getting an impulse tattoo. as the conversation went on though it got more obvious to me that they were only kind of joking about the tattoo, which turned into me only kind of joking about maybe not getting impulse tattoos that you might regret later, especially since they said they wanted a tattoo of a character they had only pretty recently become a big fan of and i was worried they might not always like the character enough to have a tattoo of him (although ultimately i don't care what they get a tattoo of, i'd just hope they thought it through for a bit first. tattoos were also something i kind of expected them to get once they were away from their parents but i'm a little concerned the pendulum might be swinging too far the other way and i don't want them to do anything too impulsively that they might regret later). the tone stayed pretty light the whole time at least from my perspective (i asked my friends later too and they said they had also thought it was pretty jokey) and the conversation ended with me thinking that they probably actually did want a tattoo but weren't going to try to get one that day as the line was still very long, they had a test to study for, and we had our watch party later in the afternoon.

later that day though, my friend texted me basically saying they were sorry but with both the tattoo and needing to study they didn't think they were going to be able to make it to the watch party. this obviously caught me a little off guard because i had thought they were joking about getting a tattoo that day even if they had looked into it a bit and they had even said the line was around 4-6 hours long so it most likely wouldn't happen that day. i said something like "wait you're actually getting the tattoo???" and they responded that yeah they were, it was a really good deal. i asked if they had thought through the tattoo and they said they had been thinking about one for a little while (like a few weeks) and had planned on going to the shop the day before but it not working out for some reason. i don't have any issue with them getting a deal on a tattoo but i wish they would have told me in advance or at least not chosen to do it on the same day as the watch party, and i essentially said as much, but i don't think they realized how upset i really was that they decided to skip out on something that, even though it was kind of silly, was actually really important to me. i thought about rescheduling the hangout but i decided that i wanted to spend time with my other friends even if i couldn't introduce everyone. i feel sort of ridiculous that i was so upset at this but like i said, i had been thinking about this watch party for days and i just felt really caught off guard by this, especially when they said they had been thinking about getting a tattoo that weekend for a while before this, because it made me feel like they didn't care to tell me soon enough to reschedule our plans. it really hurt. in the end they couldn't even get the tattoo that day, and they came halfway through the watch party to join. it was nice for them to meet everyone but it just didn't feel the same, and it was sort of frustrating that they came in halfway through and only watched the second half with us.

it's been a couple weeks and i haven't really brought it up to them, or told any of our friends about it, but i'm still a little sore about it. the friend i usually talk to about this kind of stuff is their friend too and i don't want to cause any drama or anything in our group. if they had to miss it because they needed to study, i would totally get it. but they saw how long the line for the tattoo shop was, they knew that they wouldn't be able to get the tattoo and come to the watch party that day, and they still chose to wait in line for something that didn't even end up happening until like a week and a half later. i feel bad that i'm this hurt over a stupid watch party but it sort of felt like they chose a tattoo of a character they had only liked for a few months over me, and we've been friends since middle school. idk, it just hurt, and i don't want to "start drama" in the friend group so here i am talking to you.

.

[adiabolikpastel]

Diabolik Lovers ~ Tormented Reverie ~ Yuuki's Prologue [part 2]

Yuki: (Tell them... but I don't even know the answer.

Why are they all staring at me like that?

What do they even want me to say?)

I... well...

Boy w/ Teddy: Would you please hurry up?

Waiting for you to explain is upsetting Teddy.

Yuuki: Oh, sorry...

I am not sure why I am here - to be honest.

A man - he took me from my house, and then left me here.

Boy who was 'Asleep': Huh, the hell is that about?

Boy w/ Hat: A pimp perhaps~?

Boy w/ White Hair: Disgusting!

Boy w/ Glasses: Honestly...

No one is simply left on our door step for no reason. Surely there is some of explanation.

The brothers bicker amongst themselves. Yuuki can't help but take a moment to glance around. This place felt larger on the inside, though that could just be because it was dark outside.

Yuuki: (What am I going to do?

These guys seem weird... and I should focus on calling the police.

Maybe I could sneak past them to find a phone...?)

Yuuki moves to creep into the other room, but is stopped by one of the boys. He towers over her, his red eyes glaring down.

Boy w/ White Hair: Where do you think you're going?

You are the one who woke all of us up - doesn't seem fair trying to running away.

Yuuki: Ua - well I just-

Boy who was 'Asleep': For once Mr. Punchy is right!

You woke Ayato-sama up, time to pay for it

The corpse from before appears behind Yuuki. His lips smirked as fangs descend into view.

Yuuki: W-woa now just a minute...

Boy w/ Hat: Not fair Ayato-kun~ I did say that I would take her, nfu.

Boy w/ Teddy: I would like some too, after all, we were woken up as well, ne Teddy?

Yuuki: H-Hold on a minute...

What are you guys talking about...?

(They're aren't planning to -!

No no no!

Someone please help me!)

???: Ah... that man was here earlier

Just as the boys began to touch Yuuki, a new voice makes itself known.

Boy w/ Glasses: Useless thing, when were you going to tell anyone?

The glasses wearing boy descends the stair case and walks into the sitting room. The other boys fallow his movements, stepping away from Yuuki. Laying on one of the coaches is another boy, though he looked still asleep.

Sleeping Boy: A few days ago... said "a debt paid" or something.

She is supposed to stay with us.

Yuuki: ah! Y-Yes!

They said that to me as well - something about a debt...

The boys all turn to face Yuuki. Emotions mixed among them, but their eyes all seemed to be looking at something delicious.

'Mr. Punchy': Why didn't you say something at the start!?

Boy w/ Glasses: Goodness, seems there was a reason.

In any case, she is not to be eaten, it would seem.

Yuuki: Eaten!?

Is that what you were going to do!?

No way, I wont stay in a house of cannibals!

Sleeping Boy: We're not cannibals... vampires

Ayato: Shu what the hell!

Boy w/ Glasses: Hopeless.

Yuuki: Vam...pires....?

Boy w/ Teddy: What more is there to explain?

Are you stupid?

Boy w/ Glasses: Enough of that, now that we know she is supposed to be here - who will be in charge of watching her?

She cannot be allowed to simple roam about.

Boy w/ Hat: Nfu, Laito-kun has no problem keeping this Bitch-chan.

Ayato: I was the first one to be woken by her -

That means her blood belongs to Ayato-sama!

Mr. Punchy: Always so high and mighty!

We were all awoken by the yelling, you're not special!

Yuuki: Hold on...

My blood doesn't belong to anyon-

Boy w/ Teddy: Food shouldn't speak, unless it wants to be eaten faster.

Shu: Do what you want - just keep it down...

Boy w/ Glasses: This wont do, simply choose someone if it is that much of an issue.

Yuuki: Choose someone?

You can't expect me to make that kind of choice without knowing any of you.

Boy w/ Glasses: So troublesome.

'Mr. Punchy': Just pick someone!

Boy w/ Glasses: Acting as though your blood is that precious, such arrogance.

It has been a while since we have had a woman to educate.

Very well, a trial run perhaps will speed things along.

Ayato: Trial run?

What does that mean?

Laito: Ooo a game of pass the Bitch-chan~

Such a dirty mind Reiji-kun, nfu.

'Mr. Punchy': Don't be gross!

Yuuki: (A trial run?

Something like that might be fine...

Then again, being passed around by six vampires...)

H-How long would I have to decide?

Shu: The next new moon...

Reiji: Ah, so that was tonight.

That should be fine then.

Introductions are in order so that you may choose accordingly. I am Reiji- the second son.

Over on the coach is Shu, the eldest.

The triplets, Ayato, Kanato and Laito.

Then lastly, Subaru, the youngest.

Present yourself to us then. Since we will be housemates from this day forward.

Yuuki: Oh...

(This situation... it's all because of that man.

He must be the one they are talking about too.

I guess for now - I don't have a choice.)

it's Yuuki...

Yuuki Koishikawa.

-- END --

[part one]

[velitor]

✦ my first draft strategy (w/ ADHD) ✦

i finished the first draft of my novel WIP late last year after a lot of life changes and never ever ever finishing a draft for any writing project in my life -- at that point, i hadn't even managed a one-shot (i still have an embarrassing amount of unfinished WIPs in Google Drive and Notion, but those are a future Vel problem)

most writers don't get so far as to finish a first draft. but i'm not here to get preachy about that or try to get anyone to beat themselves up. writing a book draft is not easy -- i don't care how long or short it is. i had to change a lot of things about my strategy and how i look at writing to finish my first draft, and i still struggle with draft 2 sometimes

i'm hoping what i learned and changed, though, can help someone. maybe you have ADHD like me, and maybe you don't. either way, i hope there's something here that's helpful for you

1. Mindset

i know this sounds very annoying and preachy right off the bat. "Wtf Vel this isn't helpful." and you expect me to keep rambling about, i dunno, how life is just about "sucking it up and being happy when shit goes wrong" and "depression is a hoax" and yadda yadda yadda

that ain't me, i promise LMAO

as annoying as this point first sounds, and as much as i hate hearing it and saying it and thinking about it, it's very true: your mindset for your project changes everything

a while ago, i worked on a collab piece with my friend where she was the main author and creator. she'd been wanting to make this project for a decade, but kid her just wasn't ready, so she picked it up last year

she got so frustrated with outlining and her first draft and how she felt that she wasn't good enough that she almost gave up on it. i sat down with her and talked her through it, and i kept emphasizing one thing to her:

your first draft is meant to exist. that is it.

if you're a perfectionist like me, i know how difficult this is to actually sit and do. you're hearing me (and probably the many others saying this kind of thing), you get it, but the instant you go to write, you're not going to stick to this because your brain just doesn't like it

it is so, so crucial to not hold the first draft accountable for anything other than existing

the plot will change (more on that later). the grammar is not going to be where it should be. half of the chapter will end up being in brackets and go something like [they go to the prom and eventually they kiss but not a lot but also not super little and it's cute and then wow plot twist! Stacy's dad was the killer all along!!!]

your first draft is going to suck, and that is okay.

the entire point of the draft is to be the worst rendition of your story that you ever make. so therefore, if she doesn't suck -- whatever that looks like for you -- then you're doing something wrong (saying that jokingly, but also...)

let yourself work with the project. let yourself learn the characters -- which you can do in theory on a character sheet, but it's not the same as actually writing the plot. let yourself learn the world and how the POV character or narrator thinks and acts and speaks. let yourself write badly

i'm sure you've heard about just getting words onto the page. and that is exactly what you have to do

it doesn't matter if the words suck or if the plot doesn't quite make sense yet or if you go off on a tangent that is not in your outline at all (also more on that later)

get the words on the page

they may not be useful words for the final draft you either send to publishers or publish yourself, but that's not the point. the point is that they're useful now. so write them

2. Planning, but within reason

your outline should not be rigid. this is your guide into your story, but it's not your gospel. you don't have to stick to the path, and you shouldn't. your outline should be a living document -- changing with your story as you see fit

if you follow The Plottery on any of their social medias, i know you've heard this. i actually learned this from Char's posts on the topic

you will have points in your story where you go "oh, i want to add this, but it's not in the outline"

add it. throw it in there and see what happens. that's the entire point of drafts -- testing things out and seeing what sticks until the final draft

one of my plot points for project ER was entirely replaced because of this. but the plot point as its own arc is way more interesting, i'm avoiding using a kind of trope-y plot device that i didn't entirely like -- so it shouldn't be in my story! -- and its effect on the story is just as good (if not better, tbqh) than what i had originally

as you lean into your story and get to know your characters, you'll know if a plot point works for them or if it doesn't. listen to that little voice in the back of your mind. trust your instincts

3. Support

i've made a tiny post on this recently, but sharing my drafts was honestly the best thing i could have done for past me in trying to finish my first draft

when i started writing project ER, it was insanely daunting. me, the goober who could only manage to write half-finished nonsense, was suddenly sitting down to write a book that was over 50 chapters long -- and each chapter was so long on top of that, i've since changed it from one book into a trilogy. i was also trying to make it work with my ADHD, except i wasn't diagnosed yet, so i didn't even really know what was going on with my brain or how to help myself out

and then i shared my draft with my friend -- the same one i mentioned earlier who was getting stuck on her own first draft. the fact that i was able to get actual feedback for my writing, and i had someone to hold me accountable, meant that i actually sat down to write the damn thing. i had been stuck on chapter 8 for i dunno what reason anymore, and then suddenly i was through chapter 10, then 13, then 17, etc etc etc

i wrote 51 chapters, and she read all 51 plus the epilogue. twice. (because she's that good a friend -- i'm very lucky)

she is now reading through draft 2 as i go, and this one's going to be even longer. but she's always in my corner, she's very supportive, and, even though she doesn't actively do anything to drive this other than reading the damn thing, she is holding me accountable. she is another set of eyes that has seen my story and, on top of that, enjoyed it. she is proof that the concept works, and therefore, i need to get my ass in gear and write this shit

now, i know not everyone has this kind of support system. my friend is also a writer and she's just a great human, so asking her to read my stuff isn't as huge a task for her as it would be for a lot of my other friends. and not everyone in my support system is able to do this. i've given my draft to some people and a couple months later, they still haven't touched it. so this isn't everyone's cup of tea in terms of love language, what they enjoy doing, what you can ask them to do, yadda yadda

but if you do have that kind of support system, use it

a lot of people get hung up on how scary it is to share your writing, especially with people you actually know. i get that. i was terrified to know what my friend would think. if she read the chapters in front of me at the time, i think i would have actually perished

but she's been supportive of them every step of the way -- even the ones that i know a lot of my other friends would give me weird looks for. and i know i can trust her with whatever writing i throw at her now. the wall is broken already, i don't have to worry about re-breaking it

i hope at least one of those points is helpful for someone

if you're struggling with your first draft, give yourself time and space. writing isn't easy. if your mental deadlines scare the hell out of you, relax them (or remove them entirely, which is how i roll 90% of the time). if you have writer's block, sit down and figure out what the current roadblock with your project is, or maybe work on a one-shot or something for a little bit to flex that writing muscle on something else

you're here to tell your story in a way that only you can. it'll take time, but you can do it

you are a writer, after all ;-)