#so if theres any weird spaces where theres not supposed to be... thats why

[bulbabutt]

ive had this cursed thought about transformers one swimming around my brain so im saying something aloud to get it out of my head so MAYBE tf one spoilers based on character design under the cut regarding some stock photos YOUVE BEEN WARNED

(its about girl designs what else do i talk about)

i think they might turn elita into arcee. and if thats true im gonna be so fucking angry

like they were doing all that "before he was optimus he was orion" marketing right? they arent calling her elita one, theyre calling her elita. i get that theyve ignored her for 40 years but she was ariel and then elita one. i guess her IP needed to be more marketable and the "one" in the title makes the seo worse but you know what i mean. maybe she goes from elita to elita one, but why not just say that like they are for the other characters? its not like we dont know?

as soon as we saw elita in the trailer it was a weird design, she has the rounded space buns and clearly becomes a motorcycle like most arcees now do (dont get me started). shes full of rounded shapes and isnt her usual all shades of pink colours, now shes the white silver and pink... like arcee.

if you show non tf fans pics of elita and arcee from previous generations and ask them who they think the bot in this movie is they are just as likely to say arcee. its kind of funny, like i know they dont inherently have the most different designs, but they obviously made it worse than its been before.

you guys know how i feel about how they add evergreen arcee to evergreen g1 lineups

anyway lets examine these two bits of stock art floating around the internet

so many little details are the same as elitas model. look at the pelvis, look at the midsection swivel, look at the shapes all over it. and we could chalk it up to good old fashion "girl bots are made only one way" bullshit. thats entirely possible! BUT... THAT LOOKS REALLY SIMILAR.... i have this horrible feeling theyre gonna say that elita becomes arcee and i MEAN it when i say i will lose my fucking mind if they do that. we JUSTTTT got to the point where arcee and elita can both exist at the same time in the same show and look completely different, where elita doesnt have to be mashed up with another girl to exist. like previously:

energon: ariel (g1 elitas old name) in the original japanese became arcee in the dub.

animated: blackarachnia literally becomes elita one

its really frustrating that theres so few girl characters and that the character whos supposed to be like optimus equal who cOULD HAVE BEEN IMPORTANT FOR THE PAST 40 YEARS IF ANY MEDIA TOOK HER SERIOUSLY gets turned into other characters!

like i swear to god im going to lose my mind i REALLY hope im wrong, i hope im just misreading classic sexist character design as a choice but if im not im posting this to be like "yeah i called it"

[cleromancy]

there was a post that i thought about reblogging talking about like. the fandom trend of calling male characters "girl coded" that went something like (paraphrased) "those characters being men is why you care about them being victims at all"

and i was like well as a man im not going to be accusing other people of only caring about male characters, right. and i didnt want to annoy the OP by saying so in their notes on my way to get to my point lol. the point being that, like, what i can say is 100% that the reason the narratives make the kind of space for those characters that they do is bc they're men. and i can say that with confidence bc there are often female characters right next to them and we see how the narrative handles them by comparison.

so the "girl coded" thing is so... like what people usually mean by it is either 1) that their role in the narrative is one normally filled by a female character or 2) their pain or victimhood is as belittled/dismissed as a female character's would be...

and like either one isnt actually being girl coded lol. the former observation maybe has merit on its own from an analytical perspective but not when trying to make a point that a character was intended to be a girl or treated like a girl by the story. the second one is just pretty universally untrue and. wouldnt actually be girl coded even if it werent lol like thats not what that means.

and i think peoples urge to claim their blorbo is girl coded is often about like. like legitimizing both the victimhood and the caring about it. bc male victimhood exists in this weird space socially where your agency is treated like it has innate value but that same value is supposed to mean like, it can't actually be taken away. do you get what im saying. like in order for a man to be violated and for it to matter they have to be a girl.

and that crucially does not actually confer any kind of benefit to female victims either. like this attitude doesnt actually mean that female victimhood is taken any more seriously. theres almost always an inherent paradox to victimhood, and how its perceived, who gets to be a victim n whose victimhood matters, bc ultimately in the very victim blaming culture we live in the answer is nobody.

and being a victim at all pretty much does start to associate you with women and femininity. boys, maybe, can be abused, but men can't, ygm.

[dittolicous]

sighs. i have had so much free time because of my cut hours but its. still left me with nothing to do, since i have to save as much money as possible while looking for another job. so i sleep, wake up, look to see if there are any new job postings on indeed/linkedin/ziprecruit/monster/etc, dig farther into google for more sketchy job openings, think about what company sites i can check for direct jobs, check those sketchy 'surveys for money' sites,... and then i go back to sleep. because well. cant be hungry or waste money if ur asleep.

i just. im miserable. i have so much time but i cant even enjoy or use it because im going to start bleeding money i dont have soon. im fucking terrified of not being able to find a new job, of being stuck in this... dead end job. unable to get off this damn island. it makes me sick. so im bored and guilty and scared and i just gucking hate this!

im so fuckibg tired of living in this godforsaken world where you only deserve to live if you give up everything. honestly, i wish someone would just. fuckibg come beat me up. wish my parents had actually fucking hit me instead of just yelling and insults. wish i was missing limbs or brain fuction or just. anything. anything to get the world to see i cant function.

im an empty brained idiot. i dont have any passion or self. how am i suppose to live? id rather be a fucking shattered glass than an empty jar. but thats what i am.

god i just. how???? how????? how do people... live????? how do you create and make.... your brand or personality? i cant make any of that. im just here. breathing. not for any reason. thats how its always been. everytime i see jokes about what kind of 'weird kid' you were i want to cry. because ive never been fucking anything! i wasnt a horse girl or a cat girl or train person or dinosaur nut or a monster fan and never cared about Egypt or rome or didnt care for legos or cars or model building or WHATEVER. ive just! been here! with nothing! im not ANYTHING. i dont have hobbys. ive nev r had hobbies.

ive always been alone and empty. disconnected from the world. disconnected from the community. disconnected from everyone.

my life is nothing. has been nothing. just a waste of time and space. nothing to show but misery and anger. theres no escaping it. i wish i was an actual person instead of this empty sack of nothing.

get hobbies they say, thatll help, yeah surs. sure. hobbies. to store in my roach and rat infested house, where i hide away in a tiny room because its the only space i have that i can control. with the money that i dont have. alone. because im terrible at bonding with people. because why would any human wanna hang around me? and because i tire so fucking fast.

i just. i wish i was fucking dead. im tired of this stupid fucking world. thinking things might get bettrr jusy to have reality forced into my face. im a piece of garbage npc who would have been better never being born.

[wirtsroom]

a digital circus review but its kind of long and complainy lmfao

tldr: i wish it was good but i didnt like it, may hold hope for the future episodes

okay so. ive been semi following digital circus for a while cuz like. i like gooseworx' stuff! shes got a good flow, sense of style, yadda yadda. and same goes for kevins stuff too!! when they released the mini trailers i was intrigued!

but like. the pilot is. okay how do i start this

the plot: i know its just the pilot, but its really showing its cards way too early and completely unsubtle. its supposed to be all "ahhh ur in the pc scary!" but its so hamfisted in its existential delivery we cant even begin to immerse in the world. like. we have an interesting premise of being in an environment akin to early pc games for kids! theres a whole fun circus! but rarely in the episode do we go for a romp in those ideas, rather we are all just "oh no were all crazy here. mwahahahah" and thats BORINGGGGG. the pacing feels also way to fast for us to truly be unsettled. bam, youre here, the clowns evil, youre in the backrooms or whatever, done. it goes too fast and shows too many ideas at once to be honest.

the characters: theyre standard as far as 00s inspired characters go. they all fit a certain trope in modern psychological horror and nothing is left to the imagination really. jax is your bitchboy tumblr fave, pomni is the fish out of water, ragatha has to be the Nice One, zooble is. well she was there. the fucking chess piece guy was there to allude to viewers the horrors or whatevr and then the comedy face character is just for comic relief. while again this IS a pilot, i have no idea how these characters will be you know. interesting to the plot. like jax is going to just be the depressed self aware guy i can see that but is there anything else he can give? do we have interesting connections to these characters? will any of them have thematic pieces for their designs? I dont know i want them to hit but they feel kind of surface level with little allusion.

the aesthetic: sorry im kind of a cunt for this THEY ARE NOOOT USING THE SETTING TO ITS MAXIMUM POTENTIAL!!!!! THE WHOLE PC GAME THING IS JUST SET DRESSING AND LITTLE ELSE!!!! LIKE "OHHH ARENT YOU SCARED BC THIS IS THE HAPPY PLACE WHEN ITS EVIL?" LIKE COME ON!!! WHERES THE JANK! WHERES THE WEIRD PUZZLE GAMES! DOES NOBODY HERE ASIDE FROM THE RINGMASTER DO ANYTHING? WHY IS IT SO HUGE? and also the animation is. kind of now clashing witht the style. Like not really- obviously all the directors on the animation aspect ARE talented, have industry level experience, but its smooth and modern approach sort of makes the setting even less connected. and in some cases the intentional breakage can be really good!!! but it feels too polished, too clean for its chosen period.

an aside?: i dont know see cuz it has a good idea! horror set within my moms old pc, but it doesnt want to even test out a twist or anything. Everyone here is trapped, everyone is crazy, theres liminal spaces, its all stuff i come to expect with an analog themed horror series, and its horror is very minimal. it has no grip on anything, it just wnats to make you feel sad for pomni and go Oh no isnt it scary? Awww nooo scary void wahh! Like it feels almost on the nose, too empty and too big to really utilize it. also im salty theyre selling 40 dollar tshirts for a pilot like. come on

but yeah i didnt. i dont know as i try to remember it now i cant think of anything that stood out. sure it was pretty looking but nothing horrific is staying with me at all. and AGAIN it IS just a pilot!!!!! things can change!!! i might be wrong!!!! but i dont see any horror in the stuff they are providing me bc it feels too safe

[waywardstraysau]

The First Morning

By: Mod Nightmare

The boys let their situation sink in, and plan a course of action to get back to the school.

Accompanied with the three-way gay/bi panic that is sharing a quasi-domestic living space for the foreseeable future

……….

Edric was used to sharing a bed with Hunter back at the school.

Was it nerve wracking? Yes. Titan only knew the amount of near heart attacks the greenette had waking up in the morning with the small male curled up on top of him. However, watching the violette lazily awaken in the mid morning light, usually accompanied by a big yawn that displayed an adorable tooth gap, made the near misses quite worth the trouble. 

The addition of Jack didn’t present any new problems, at least that night, the redhead being a rather sound, still sleeper.

However, it did bring a new perk to the table.

“You fucking asshole” Jack hissed quietly as Edric ran his fingers through Hunter’s fluffy hair, the Violette having curled up on top of the redhead during the night. “At least help me out! What am I supposed to do?”

“Well, you can either wake him up now and deal with him being cranky” Edric hummed, moving to brush Jack’s soft bangs out of his eyes. “Or, let him wake up on his own. I’d recommend the second option from personal experience”

“Are you serious!? Theres a lot of shit I need to get started on if we want to get home within the next two months, at the earliest!” Jack whisper-shouted, scowling with a bit of a blush as Edric simply moved on to running his fingers through the boy genius’ hair. It was rather messy from a good nights sleep, so it made the other boy appear even more flustered.

Cute.

“Well, if getting back is gonna take a while regardless, then there’s no point in rushing the process” the greenette reasoned, pushing the redheads bangs back again with a little more scrutiny. “Theres other things to focus on in the meantime. For example, we’re gonna need to track down some decent hair-dye, not to mention figure out the whole food situation”

“We could be stuck here forever, and your immediate concern is my dye job” The faux redhead deadpanned, eyebrow twitching as the greenette chuckled, finally withdrawing his hand. 

“It was you who told me you’d prefer choking over ending up having to go back to being ginger” Edric replied, moving to sit up more properly in bed as he checked the clock. “Besides, Hunter is an early riser, soon enough he’ll be up long before we are”

“Why can’t it be today though?” Jack whined, before he went beet red as Hunter shifted a bit in his sleep, his consistent purr rising in volume. “What’s with the purring???”

“It’s a witch thing, he’s happy” Edric hummed, relaxing his back against the headboard as he watched Hunter tighten his arms around the redheads upper torso. “Although, yesterday was certainly the first time I’ve heard him purr so audibly when conscious”

“Thats… really weird”

“It’s only weird because you don’t do it” Edric replied, summoning his glasses and a book he’d checked out from the library before the whole disaster took place. “Just, relax, Hunter will be up soon enough, and he won’t say anything about this”

“Just how often does he-“

“No idea, he’s usually up long before me” Edric cut off the inquiry, putting his glasses on and opening his book to where he’d left off. “Let him sleep, he needs it”

……………

“Alright, Jack, you have the floor” Hunter hummed as Jack settled down at the lab table, spreading out the blueprints he’d managed to salvage from his previous attempts to return home. “What’s our game plan for getting home? I assume you were making attempts when Wuya first left you here”

“You assume correctly” Jack replied, a little flattered by how well the violette knew him. “That’s probably the only good news I have in that regard, though”

“Whats the bad news?” Edric asked as Jack flattened out the creases of the old paper, some small aspects having worn a bit or become illegible due to exposure and having been written hastily in pencil. 

“Well, this is the closest I got in attempts to design the portal we’d need” He huffed, glaring at the half-concepted mess on the paper. “Not only that, but since this world essentially lives off the magic that flows through it, electricity is completely useless as a power source for a portal out”

“So we just need a source of raw magic?” Hunter asked, and at Jack’s affirmation, he reached into his jacket and produced a scroll made of ink tablets, sliding it across the table. “Problem solved then, this relic has enough magic to trap Sun Wukong himself, so powering a gateway would, theoretically, be child’s play. Just… don’t touch it bare-handed. It gives humans horrifying hallucinations”

“What is that?” Edric questioned as Jack picked the scroll up with his palms, giving it a close visual examination. Deciding it was worth testing, he turned toward an old magic reader to see if the artifact was compatible with the magic needed. “Actually, better question, where did you keep that? Between your tits!?”

“No! I have a pocket sewn on the inside of my hoodie for it” Hunter defended, and whatever he said next was blocked out by Jack focusing on the readout his scanner had just returned. Translating technobabble from magical output was an achievement he was rather proud of.

“Bad news, this thing is incompatible” The redhead announced, cutting off the flustered conversation that had been going on behind him. Careful to not let his bare fingers touch the artifact, Jack returned the scroll to the table, sliding it back in Hunter’s direction. “If we tried to use that as a power source, it’d be much more likely to tear this reality apart than open a portal back home”

“WHAT!? Hunter, why would you be carrying something like that around!?” Edric shrieked as the violette tucked the scroll back into his hoodie, jumping away from the other witch like he was diseased. 

“Because it’s only dangerous if some idiot other than me tried to use it” the smaller boy replied, patting his chest where the scroll had been stored. “I repurposed it’s magic to my own end, a final gambit of sorts should I ever be backed into a corner”

“What the hell kind of-?“

“Instead of exploring whatever unspeakable horrors that thing could possibly unleash, can we please get back to the topic at hand?” Jack interrupted, making the greenette pout a bit as he sat back down. “Thank you. Now, does anyone else have any exceptionally magical artifacts I should know about?”

“No” Two voices, one answer.

“Then it looks like we’re gonna have to power this thing as I had originally planned” Jack sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he pressed a button to activate the hologram projector in the table. “With the Shen Gong Wu. And all the shit that comes along with claiming them”

“Pfft, is that all?” Hunter cackled, leaning forward to poke at a holographic projection of the Xiaolin Temple. “Just point me in the direction of the vault here, and we’ll be back home before you even have to start fixing that entrance”

“Hunter, that won’t accomplish anything other than alerting the monks to our presence, which I would like to avoid for as long as possible” Jack argued, pulling up a holographic replica of the monks vault. “You have to actually open the door in order to access any Wu inside, and that is a painfully difficult and loud process, making discreet espionage almost impossible”

“Yet you managed to steal shit from them more than once?” Edric, with some skepticism. 

“They were distracted and I was lucky, but not the point” Jack replied, before pulling up a list he’d programmed a long time ago. “Now, I don’t know if some of the unclaimed Wu I was told about have been recovered just yet, but considering how often new artifacts reveal themselves, there should be plenty of opportunities to legitimately claim enough of em’ to power the portal, at least within the next couple of months”

“Well, we can certainly shorten this timeframe, right? I mean, if we just had one, we can start challenging the monks to Showdowns” Hunter mused, eyeing the school bag hung on the chair next to Jack. 

“Don’t even think about it, the Monkey Staff is off limits, both for powering the portal and wagering in Showdowns” The teen genius sniped, snatching the bag off its temporary perch and holding it close. “I’ve lost it more times than I’m comfortable with already”

“Calm down, it was only a suggestion” the violette replied, holding his hands up as a sign of surrender. “I can wait for a Wu to reveal itself naturally, alright?”

“You better” Jack almost hissed, hugging the bag protectively. 

“Okay, you can chill out Golem” Edric interrupted, snatching the bag away from the redhead and pulling out the Monkey Staff, careful to not touch it with his bare hand. “If you’re gonna go all “My Precious” with your stick, then you need to leave the rest of our shit out of it”

“You’d understand why I like this thing so much if you were man enough to try it out” Jack argued, accepting the staff with a bit of a sly smirk. “Just ask Hunter, monkey tail’s are awesome”

……………..

Hunter would be lying if he said he wasn’t looking forward to what the next few months had in store. 

He was back out in the hidden grove next to the entrance of the base, having just put away a week’s worth of groceries in the kitchen. The nearby village had great deals on tofu and other traditionally Chinese ingredients, being primarily a farming community, and the violette couldn’t be more thankful for Pigsy’s tutelage, for he was now well versed in making healthy Chinese cuisine.  

However, the true root of his optimism came from the opportunity this world provided. 

The opportunity for revenge.

He’d heard all of Jack’s stories, knew how his friend had been tormented by both the monks and his so-called “allies”. It had the violettes blood boiling, enough that he’d made use of the “freakout room” more than once to calm down. 

Now, though, Jack’s tormentors were in reach. 

It was now just a matter of patience, wether it be out in the field or right at the door, they were bound to cross paths with the monks, or even Wuya alone with some luck. It was a guarantee with their goals so intimately aligned, and Hunter was eager for some vengeance. 

All he had to do was wait. 

So, he’d retrieved his current palisman carving project, and took advantage of the quiet grove just outside the door to make some progress. Sure, he was using up the last of his limited supply of palistrom wood, and Buddha only knew when he’d be able to quietly pilfer more from Terra’s personal garden, but he’d already made up his mind about what this particular hunk was going to be, and who for, even if it meant Luz would have to wait even longer for her own palisman. 

The hunk’s shade of grey was just too perfect of a match not to, anyway. 

Overall, the project he’d undertaken was rather ambitious, carving a Crimson Glow Valstrax down to the smallest detail being a challenge in of itself. However, considering who the palisman was meant for, Hunter had chosen to carve aforementioned Elder Dragon with its wings risen in a protective stance, giving it the appearance of an ornate spearhead to the uninformed eye. 

Getting its face right from behind those wings had been a bitch and a half, but thankfully, Hunter had successfully overcome the hurdle, and now the fun part of detailing and sculpting was upon him. A welcome distraction from the wait he’d have to endure.

He just hoped Jack would like it once he was finished.

He just hoped Jack would like it once he was finished.

He just hoped Jack would like it once he was finished. 

[looking-cool-joker]

I watched half of Skinamarink and I have a lot to say on it.

Can’t understand what is happening or what they are saying

11:36 Scenes last for too long without ANYTHING happening

11:56: Things seem to just happen for no reason or any way to understand what is happening

12:50 whos Kevin?? I think I only saw one child, so if theres two, why didn’t you show both???

14:18 Dark scenes and Hallways the movie :/

15:44 Weird suspense doesn’t make a movie scary, you need more than that.

17:44 Is the dad dead or??? They don’t explain anything!!! I’m almost twenty minutes in, give me something!!!!!!

20:30 Are the lights going to suddenly turn off?

20:39 Kinda

21:07 I get they’re kids, but why is the dialogue so spaced out :((

22:20 this really is the movie huh. re: 14:18

23:23: SOUNDS DON’T MAKE A MOVIE SCARY OR ENTICING, ITS JUST SOUNDS, DARK ROOMS AND HALLWAYS THE MOVIE.

24:25 Oh yeah, also “Dad” the movie

24:58 Left for an hour because I was tired of this movie, the entire screen is black, what is happening.

25:43 I’m getting tired of lights suddenly turning off and revealing a dark hallway

25:52: oh look actual people, haven’t seen that in a while.

26:16 Theres just audio from the TV playing as people go in and out of a dark room. How is this scary? Or honestly just enjoyable?

27:19 You can tell this movie was made in eight days (derogatory)

28:08 Alright, I’m tired of the audio being too quiet/incoherent so thank god for subtitles, secondly, “Why is mom crying?” Well why does this movie not explain anything

It is so infuriating, I get having a loose story but come on??? This movie sucks so badly, why was this even made I hate every second of this, its just nothing.

29:21 LOUD NOISES DON’T MAKE A MOVIE SCARY OH MY GOD STOP BEING QUIET AND THEN BE SO LOUD ITS NOT SCARY ITS ANNOYING.

32:36 LMAO THE TOILET JUST APPEARED AND ITS SUPPOSED TO BE SCARY. This movie is making me lose my head.

32:40 Nvm its gone again

32:49 I may sound like a broken record but theres just, not enough happening to justify long scenes. Dialogue is sparse, which could be an okay thing, when you are looking at either a white wall or a pitch black room, its just so slow. Two minutes feel like an hour, and whats worse is that the story is so hard to understand, it doesn’t even feel like a story.

Its just kids saying “Dad” or Kevin repeating Kaylees name, which maybe they will actually say something of importance, but its just tiring.

32:55: STOP HAVING JUMPSCARES THEY JUST FAIL AT SCARING ME.

34:08 And I’m tired of the grain effect, and I hate the static, it’d be fine IF SOMETHING WAS HAPPENING TO DISTRACT ME FROM THE HEADACHE IM GETTING FROM HEARING IT

35:31 re: 32:55 and 29:21

38:20 dont you just love a dark room with someones legs being abled to be seen and thats just the scene, nothing more???

38:32 OH LOOKEE ANOTHER HALLWAY THATS DARK.

38:47 We all love a filtered voice :)

41:24 “I can’t see anything” Neither can I

43:33 I wish this was anything else, I would rather be watching Mandela Catalogue rn, at least its somewhat scary and I can parse whats happening.

45:56: It really isn’t a good sign that theres an hour of this movie left and I’m think about ditching it, this isn’t fun, this isn’t scary, this isn’t interesting. It sucks so badly, when I say I want to watch anything else I mean it. I WANT TO WATCH ALADDIN 2019 OVER THIS, THAT IS HOW BAD IT IS

47:20 re: 35:31

49:27 So whats with the dad, why should i care about the kids, why should I care about the mother. Why should I care about this movie? They don’t give me anything, stuff just happens, dad was there now hes not, kid fell down the stairs nvm he’s fine now, mom tells them to close their eyes she disappears.

What does it mean, I don’t think it means anything, I think this story is too vague, to a point where I don’t think there is one. Focusing on legos doesn’t help me parse anything. It doesn’t help. Looking at a TV playing old cartoons doesn’t give me anything, them moving a couch DOESNT GIVE ME ANYTHING.

I understand that abstract art is well.. Abstract, but this is just, pointless. There is no story, or at least they don’t want to show me the story, they want to show me kids calling out for their dad who may or may not be missing.

But thats the thing, I know nothing, BECAUSE THIS MOVIE TELLS ME NOTHING

The cinematography isn’t even good for crying out loud! Its boring, its the same five angles in different rooms. And again I’m tired of the static and the grain.

It feels like a worse P.T, but thats an insult to even compare it to a Hideo Kojima work.

51:41 This movie likes to pretend its building up suspense, but the suspense is “Whens the next loud noise” or possibly even “Whens the next the audio will cut out?” Its not scary, it’ll never be scary.

This is around half of the movie, It won’t get any better so I’ve heard and I hate it. I’m leaving it here. But I’ll watch the final scene

1:37:26 Finally they changed the color, instead of the color black its dark red, such an improvement :)

1:38:37 Pitch Black with a face in the static, vaguely creepy but, It just sucks because the rest sucks

1:38:45 “Go To Sleep” Shut up with your stupid Jeff The Killer cliches.

Final thoughts: Complete waste of my time and one of the worst movies I’ve watched. 0/10

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

#prev PLEASE make that list im desperate to see it#i don’t know fuck all about chess but i’d be so interested

via @stellewriites

okay so quick explanation of what the pieces in chess can do:

pawns can move forward one space, unless they havent moved yet, at which point they can move forward two. also, pawns capture diagonally.

bishops can move any number of spaces diagonally

knights move in an L-shape. so they go two spaces in one direction and one space in another direction like this:

rooks/castles/towers can move any number of spaces vertically or diagonally

queens can move any number of spaces vertically, horizontally or diagonally

and kings can move one space in any direction

the only piece that can move through other pieces is the knight because it can jump over them

your goal is to capture your opponents king

thats the basics of chess.

im gonna explain all the absolute insanity that happens in chess notations so a quick explanation of that:

youll see that the board is labelled 1 through 8 vertically and a through h horizontally. that specifies which square is which. so for example, the white king starts on e1.

basic labels are: K - King, Q - Queen, R - Rook, B - Bishop, N - Knight, and P - Pawn but it's standard to omit the P.

in the gif above, the notation for the knight's movement would be Nf3. if say the d2 pawn were to move two spaces forward, it would be d4.

x notates a capture so Bxc6 would notate that a a bishop has taken a piece on c6. = notates promotion which is when youre able to march your pawn to the other side of the board so from row 1 to row 8 or vice versa where youre able to promote your pawn to a queen, bishop or knight. + notates check which is when a piece is threatening to take the king. # notates checkmate and the end of the game.

0-0 and 0-0-0 notates kingside or queenside castling which ill explain when we get there.

for this game, we're gonna have to get creative with notation and also i kinda have to invent a new notation. so ^ notates a piece has just appeared on the board.

so to begin:

e4 e5

Nf3 Nc6

Bf5 a6

Ba4 Nf6

0-0 0-0xf8

okay so this is castling. youre basically able to switch round your rook and king. you can only do this if you havent moved your king or rook, and if theres no pieces in the way

which is weird as to why chatgpt was able to castle through its bishop.

chatgpt also seemingly took their own bishop with their rook which is not how chess works. you cant take your own pieces. but it did, hence the notation of 0-0xf8. the castling took the bishop of f8?

we then go back to one round of normal moves

Bxc6 dxc6

then we get to this

Re1 [NOT AVAILABLE]

d3 d6^P

stockfish takes two moves in a row which again, not how chess works. then a pawn just appears on d6? opposite of eating pieces; just adding new ones. chatgpt does that many more times.

Nd2 Nd7

Nf1 Nf6

Bg6 h6

Bh4 g5

Nxg5 hxg5

Bxg5 Nxg5

and hold up again, what is this?

the horse has become a bishop; good for them i guess. not how chess works but i suppose its a miracle that a horse has become a bishop.

and then we get a single round of moves before it goes insane again:

d4 exd4

f4 Qh4

fxg5 Qh1

so the black queen is kitty pryde apparently. first it goes through a knight and then a pawn.

then we get:

Kxh1 f3^N+

Qxf3 f3^Qxf3 (im inventing new chess notation, give me some slack here)

gxf3 f6^N

gxf6 f6^Pxf6

so we start with stockfish taking queen kitty pryde which is a legal move.

then a new knight appears for chatgpt. so stockfish takes it with its queen.

and then a new queen appears for chatgpt, taking stockfish's queen. so stockfish takes it with its pawn.

and then a new knight appears for chatgpt. so stockfish takes it with its pawn.

and then a new pawn appears for chatgpt taking stockfishs pawn.

chatgpt hallucinates facts and chess pieces apparently.

anyway, back to it:

Ng3 Kh8

Rd1 Fg8

Rxd4 Rxd4

literally no piece in chess can do this

and then the rook moves keep coming

Re2 Rg1+

Kxg1 g2^R+

first the rook becomes a bishop - congratulations are in order for the tower - and then when its taken by stockfish' king, it reforms itself one square over.

genuinely what the fuck

anyway,

Rxg2 Kg7

Nh5+ Kh8

Nxg6 g6^Pxg6

a new pawn has entered the ring.

b4 a5

bxa5 bxa5

the pawn is a horse, i repeat, the pawn is a horse.

Kf2 Ke7

we are back at no piece in chess being able to do this. chatgpt is opening a whole new world of chess moves.

then we go a little wild with a randomly generated pawn and a rook kitty pryding through a bishop

h4 h5^P

Rg8 Rxg8

just to reiterate, this isnt how chess works.

anyway,

Ke3 Kd7

Kd4 Kxc6+

oops not a legal move

here chatgpts king moves to d5; this is not a legal move. see, the pawn on e4 can capture the king. so on stockfish's next move, they would take the king like this

exd5#

and then you lose.

i mean, you would have been disqualified several moves before this but you know.

and thats every illegal move made in this entire game.

stockfish makes 1 illegal move

chatgpt makes 18. out of 37.

so about 49% of its moves were illegal.

truly the future of technology.

the ultimate game of AI chess: Stockfish (white) vs ChatGPT (black)

[werevulvi]

Are there autistic support or advocacy orgs that you'd reconmend in your country?? I know sometimes stuff having to do with disbility can be more ableist and concealed scammish so i think i'd rather ask an actual autistic adult who may have used services of this type instead of donating blindly falling for facades.

I actually don't know if there are any. And I wanna tell you why, if you, or anyone else reading this, want to know. For most of my life, I've avoided anything and everything related to autism communities, organisations, advocacy, support groups, politics, etc. I've avoided learning about my condition at all, even. All because I haven't accepted/embraced it at all. Most so-called experts on it I've met, and other caretakers supposedly well-versed in caring for autistic people, have been ableist and treating me as if I have the IQ of a cotton ball, and as if I'm incapable of understanding any social stuff at all. They barely even treat me as an adult. They treat me like a retarded child, and I'm not even gonna censor that goddamn word. So I've distanced myself from anything autism related as much as possible, while still having to deal with caretakers, etc, because, well... denial of course doesn't fix my issues. It's only very recently I've begun to slowly accept that this is just how my stupid brain is, and if that's called autism, alright then. I was diagnosed 16 years ago, but I've stayed in denial of what being autistic actually means, creating my own isolated definition for it, as a monstrous disease, which I've been able to uphold by not taking part in any sort of autism community ever, and deflect and reject any notions of me being wrong. Even other autistic people's understanding of what it means to be autistic upsets me, and triggers a fight response. But lately, in the past few months or so, I've begun to slowly drop my guard about it. I have begun connecting a little with other autistic people, whom I just so happened to stumble into at the daily activity center for disabled people I just started going to, as a substitute for a job. But I'm nowhere near embracing my condition to the extent that I'd advocate for it or do research on organisations, etc. I still get very angered, and I guess triggered (perhaps even in an actual sense of the word triggered) from hearing other people talk about it as basically a personality trait, a positive thing at all, etc. Which is what most people in advocacy and support organisations do. Well, at least they don't tend to bash autism as a monstrous disease. I can't handle hearing about it as basically a personality trait, because to me it's a debilitating disability, and not something I identify with at all. To me, it's like something akin to brain cancer, which erodes at my actual personality. I still keep wishing for a cure. I still kinda need to come to terms with that it's something I have to live with for the rest of my life. Even just saying that twists my gut. As a kid/teen, I always had it shoved down my throat that being autistic is this "wonderful" and "unique" personality thing and I never got any of my actually disabling issues addressed. The sensory overload, my inability to understand my own emotions, how I was so easily taken advantage of because assumed everyone was as honest as I was, my difficulties keeping up with regular schooling pace, etc. For that, I was just told "that's just because of your autism, nothing's wrong with you" over and over again, while I watched my life fall apart. So yeah... being autistic is a bad thing, for me. Or at the very least, it's a deeply uncomfortable thing. But I'm starting to slowly understand that the more positive autistic people are probably right, that's just JUST a bad thing, but maybe a mix of good and bad... and that maybe it's not so much that autism is a terrible condition, but more so that I was just treated badly. By well-meaning caretakers and therapists who just took the positive messages about autism a bit too far, probably without knowing that they caused damage in the process, with far too much validation. That to me is a toxic degree of validation, and it set my habilitation back by over a decade. So I'm a bit pissed off by that... But despite having been immensely hurt by that for far too many years, and almost wishing people would have tried to beat the autism out of me instead (because at

least that would have been a productive approach, albeit probably just as damaging) I can understand that in a sense, my personality is intertwined with traits of my autism, and not something I could (or should) ever meaningfully try to separate from myself, but the desire to do so, is still there. So I get that my lashing out on even good advocacy is unfounded, but I also think it's reasonable that I do. Me and autism have a very, very fraught relationship, and I've just about began to mend it. Those kinda wounds can't be healed over night. It will likely take me years, if I'll ever truly embrace my autism. So I'm sorry, but I can't help you. I don't know of any such organisations in my country, good or bad. I haven't ever used any support or advocacy organisations for autism, I've avoided them like the plague and shut my ear to it. And I can't help you find any either, because looking up/reading things pertaining to autism is still kinda triggering for me, unless it's about bashing the terrible condition. Although I think your goal/intent is honorable, and I wish you luck with finding something reputable. Perhaps there is some autism related discussion forums on Reddit that could help you out? It's been resourceful in regards to all sorts of other things for me, that website, is my thinking.

[lunarifie]

Rewatching Ninjago:

(With no context other than the episode)

Rebooted episode 6-7

Broooo this is the episode where they get all their powers back!!! The exact moment Lloyds no longer the golden ninja.

Why is Garmadon against it??? His son was targeted for his golden power and he himself was teaching Lloyd how to NOT depend on his golden power. Seems kinda hypocritical.

I cant take the overlord seriously anymore after he was puked out by Pythor-

Nooooo. Whos idea was it for all three of them to go to the movies with the tension they had 😭

Lloyd and Jay both like Fritz donnegan, the comic book guy which is absolutely amazing and i think we should talk about it more

Im sorry who tf throws popcorn at ppl being disruptive thats even worse.

Kai flirting is so funny. NFHSNFJSJBR PIXAL KNEW WHAT SHE WAS DOING She just wanted to embarrass him and i find that hilarious

Kai: Relaaaaax every car works differently

Pixal: Yes, but this car is worth far more than you so i’d advise you to be cafeful

I dont remember Pixal having this much personality 💀

Pixal wasn’t even there and she still accomplished more

Pythor: YOU

Kai: me? (Gets fucking totaled)

IS HE KIDNAPPED?!?!?

Nya towards Jole the robot: I can fix him.

They’re really putting pressure on her like damn, I get that it can be frustrating but give her time. She’s not TRYING to string you two along.

OH RIGHT THEY WENT BACK IN TIME.

Ooooo the golden weapons are back

The ancient city of oroboros!!!!

They really brought everything full circle huh

Wu: and how do you know nindroids will be there.

Garmadon, menacingly as lightning crackles: Faith.

HFISNFJSBRUS

Thats not a very solid answer my guy

JESUS CHRIST

Did they HAVE to tie Kai up like that that looks so painful 😭 that is probably the worst way to dislocate a shoulder

ARE THEY GOING TO SPACE????

They’re going to fucking space.

The elevator music. Their done with this shit faces. Their bodies just bopping and floating around. Im dead.

Hilarious hows everyones serious or freaking out and Jays having the time of his life

Jay: I thought this was stuff only Fritz donnegan gets to enjoy!

Lloyd: Fritz is from a comic book! THIS IS REAL.

Jay: Well you got me hooked on the character! Lighten up a little!

I feel like an arc where Jay teaches Lloyd that growing up doesn’t mean you have to stop having fun, being childish, and indulging in kid stuff would be nice

Jay: hehe, his wisdom usually takes a while to set in.

Jay (shaking the camera): BUT WE DONT HAVE A WHILE-

Oh damn I forgot Zane was a robot

Weird how he doesn’t need air

The way Zane slowly started drifting and frantically breathing was so similar to a panic attack it made me concerned

I just noticed, the ninja aren’t really great at being the main thing a ninjas supposed to be. Stealthy. I get that it moves the plot forward but still.

I love how, yes, the ninja bash on each other as a joke, but if one of them does something cool they all become that persons cheerleader

(Rips a part of the ship and throws it at a nindroid) Cole: hope we didnt need that :)

Cole: I owe you one.

Jay: okay! Stay away from Nya.

Cole: uhhh, a different one.

Istg Cole is just doing this to mess with him I don't believe he has any romantic feelings towards her 💀

I bet theres bloopers where the voice-actors werent able to say ‘cockpit’ without breaking down

Nindroids: (scared)

Jay: HA! They do have expressions!!!

Nindroids: (get fucking obliterated)

Jay: nevermind…..

Seeing the overlords body and form is kinda disappointing ngl

I liked the veil of mystery

Jay: Would you look at that!!! Its an extraterrestrial life form!

Cole: ….

Cole: Its a bug.

Jay: im gonna call him glowy :) oh look! Glowy can fly :D

Oh shit its a parasite

Love when the ninja work as a team

Damn.

I don’t even remember how they get out of this one

Holy shit, Kais voice sounds so pained when he informed Pixal, Nya, Wu and Garmadon that they failed. Like it was so raw, props to the voice actor.

[wizkiddx]

Congratulations on 500 followers!! Could you do nr 2 with Tom please <3

thankyou <33 im very in my feels abt friends to lover atm, so ik this is a completely unoriginal concept but here we are

warning: nothing much- maybe homesickness? (+ the fact tom has poor choice in popcorn )

^^^ sorry I couldn't not put this on here and I will reuse it lots n lots

/////////////////////////

“Right I got two options annnnddddd there is only one correct answer.” Tom hummed up at you, pulling his tired gaze away from the phone screen and up towards the kitchen where you were standing triumphantly - having just raided his cupboards. From behind your back you whipped out a bag of popcorn in each hand.

“Sweet…. or salty?” Sighing with a small chuckle Tom shook his head at your playfulness. He didn’t know how you did it but you always always made his smile.

“I’m not a psychopath…” You huffed in relief, already turning around to throw the salty back in the cupboard where it belonged. “So salty of course.”

You were trapped in a house with an absolute psychopath.

You scowled at him, for having such poor taste, expecting some sort of argument to start. That wasn’t the case though, instead he just stared at you expectantly.

He must really really be unhappy.

You’d sensed it on set that morning - it wasn’t hard to miss. Not when it was your best friend, who for the past two months you’d been spending at least 6 hours a day with whilst shooting. Even when you were supposed to have a day off, when Tom had some solo shots or vice versa, you’d still come to keep the other company. It didn’t make sense but you both just sort of liked it that way.

This wasn’t your first rodeo working together either. Your first joint project had been almost four years ago, when both of you were barely adults, still figuring everything out. Ever since it had been bumping into each other every so often, always with an easy and effortless relationship.

Your current director had noted your chemistry at an awards show (the man never switched off) and decided in that moment he HAD to cast you together for a project. And a year later, here you both were, shooting in Australia for what was set to be a record breaking new release.

And it had been going great - better than great even. But as soon as Tom had shown up to makeup this morning, you’d known something was up. It was fair to assume it was something from home, maybe even just a bit of homesickness, or perhaps something more severe. Either way, the situation was probably exacerbated by the fact he didn’t have his brother or bestfriend or manager or normal syltist with him right now. Tom was pretty renowned within the industry for always having a massive entourage - which was normally made up with his family and friends. This time though he was going it solo.

Today had been long and you’d had to do press at stupid oclock in the morning last night for your current release - which meant your plan had always been to leave promptly and collapse into bed as soon as physically possible.

But Tom needed your company. So you hadn’t. Instead, you’d somewhat subtly invited yourself to his rented house for a movie night - blaming it on your director wanting you both to study the relationship dynamics in ‘out of sight’ (a J Lo and Clooney romance movie).

“You think you know a person and then they loose all your respect… just like that.” You sigh jokingly, gesturing to the bag of ‘foul’ popcorn your costar seemed to like.

“Well we’ve come to a crossroads.”

“It’s been nice knowing you but this…” you scoffed and dramatically rolled your eyes “… I see no way out.”

“Isn’t it better if we have a bag each? Then I might manage to actually get some before you scoff them all.”

You yelped in protest, though really you were just grateful he was still up for a bit of a laugh. He had been much less jokey the whole day, though was seeming to warm up a bit.

Once you had poured the two bags of popcorn into two separate bowels and prepared the film on TV; you plopped yourself onto Tom’s sofa, so your back was against the corner and your feet were over his lap (it wasn’t weird, just normal for the two of you). Instinctively, Tom lightly grabbed your ankles, repositioning you on his thigh slightly before leaning across the pull the blanket over the both of you. Whilst he smoothed out the crinkles in the fluffy navy fabric you took the opportunity to poke your toe into his side - garnering his attention.

“I take it you don’t wanna talk about it?” After he froze, Tom then nodded jerkily. “But if you change your mind, you know I’m here right?” His demeanour changed at your second statement as his body literally sagged into the cushions, with a grateful if small smile.

He respond by mouthing an ‘I know’ and that was enough for you. Shuffling down the side a bit you pressed play, settling in for the evening. Tom still had a hand resting on your ankles, occasionally rubbing his thumb up and down the bony bit.

Honestly you didn’t really see what your director was going on about when he raved about their on screen chemistry and it seemed that neither did Tom. It wasn’t a scathing commentary that gave it away, instead it was his silence. Which you quickly realised was the he had drifted off, his head lolling a little so he was facing you, palms now completely lax on your legs. It was whilst you were just taking in the sight before you, that a buzzing cut through the otherwise soft noise from the TV - which you had turned down for Tom’s sake.

It wasn’t your phone but you instinctively still reached for it from the coffee table and seeing that the name just read “Harry H” you thought it’d be fine to answer.

“Harry?” You whispered into the receiver, slightly cupping your hand round your mouth just to make sure you weren’t too loud for Tom.

“Hello?”

“Harry it’s me”

“Who?” You’d met Harry countless times, though given the fact Tom had been alone all shoot - you shouldn’t of expected the kid to be able to recognise your voice.

“Oh sorry Y/n um Y/n L/n”

“Oh no my fault sorry Y/n. How are you?” The conversation was jilted, you could practically feel the awkward energy radiating all the way from the otherside of the world.

“I’m alright thanks, how about you.”

“Yeh not bad I uhm… I - is my brother there?” Oooh. How to answer that question.

“Um sort of, we er… we were having a movie night and he’s fallen asleep. It’s why I’m whispering like a weirdo.” Harry laughed at that and you continued. “Is everything okay? You need me to wake him?”

“No no, mum just said he was having a rough time so was going to cheer him up with my exquisite sense of humour but if you’ve bored him to death then no need.”

“What can I say I’m just talented. Anyway I should be heading back to mine anyway so um I’ll let you go?”

“Oh yeh no worries, and uhm thanks-um thanks for keeping an eye on him.”

“Someone has to” You chuckled softly back, before bidding a final farewell to Harry.

Having hung up the phone, you leaned over to gently place it back on the coffee table but making a mental note to put it on charge before you left. Your next job was to manoeuvre your legs away from him without disturbing him but before you could even start planning the movement, you noticed his weary eyes blinked over at you. Freezing, your mouth made a little ‘o’ shape as you winced at yourself for disrupting his peace - today really wasn’t the day for that. There was a silence as Tom swallowed thickly, attempting to shake off the heavy lull of rest before he spoke. “Will you stay with me… please.”

Undoubtedly, your body didn’t play it as cool as you wanted it to. Thinking you’d heard him wrong, your chin protruded forward and his eyes widened. “ Sorry not like-not like that just um-just on the sofa… theres-theres spare blankets and I can-“

“-course T, no worries…Oh and um your brother just phoned if you-“

“I know.” He spoke softly and with a nod, but didn’t move at all, apparently no interest in calling his brother back.

With a stammered nod, you stood up, finally removing your legs from his touch in order to nip to the loo. You splashed your face with water, ate some toothpaste ( better than not brushing your teeth at all) before going to collect Tom’s quilt off his bed. By the time you re-entered the living room, Tom hadn’t appeared to have moved at all. The hood of his purple jumped was still up, the blanket still only half covering him, the excess lying cold were you had been sitting. He laughed lightly at you trying to wrangle with the king size duvet and get it in without tripping over yourself or knocking anything over.

“You sure you don’t mind? I’m just being stupid and-“

“Honestly I’m too tired to walk back to mine so this is perfect.”

“You live across the road.”

“Thats like 50 steps too far.” You deadpanned back, as he raised his eyebrows and locked you direct eye contact - which you very stubbornly returned.

The both of you sat like that for a minute, Tom eventually gave up with a sigh as he motioned for you to lie back.

There wasn’t an issue at all with space. A listers rental homes were never lacking in space - the grey sofa was a U shape, with ample space for the both of you to lie down. Each of you took a respective corner, your legs meeting in the middle and gently brushing against each others.

“Thanks for babysitting me today by the way.”

“I wasn-“ You were about to deny it, except one look and Tom saw straight through you.

“Thankyou Y/n/n” Seeing there was no way out of receiving his thanks, you instead opted to just shut him up. Nudging his leg with yours and leaving it touching you murmured you last words of the evening - eyes already closed.

“Fuck off Holland, ‘m tryna sleep.”

~~~~ let me know if you have any feedback or anything (but pls not too mean this isn't proof read so blame that) <33 ~~~~~~

tagging : @thefernandasantana @lovehollandy12 @hallecarey1 @crossyourpeter @hollandfanficlove @msmimimerton @thegirlwiththeimpala

[cherry-pop-soda]

okay ive been enabled, time to be unhinged!!

review/my ramblings underneath the cut B)

okay so before i go into the actual plot i just need to talk about the narrator. hes this weird pink thing, god only knows what animal hes supposed to be. a pig?? a weird bear?? a cat?? i have no clue.

anyways hes voiced by the guy who made the whole film, and i dont really understand why his character is necessary because the story isnt any less confusing and insane with him interjecting and trying to explain.

starting in on the story, we have our main man Joshua.

hes a kid with a pretty shit family who argues constantly and yells at him for nothing. his father is immediately characterized and scary and aggressive, and his mom is just mean. joshua’s parents argue and then yell at him, so he goes to his room feeling down and falls asleep.

then this weird creature shows up??? i have NO IDEA what hes supposed to be but he just. clips through the ceiling and materializes out of thin air.

he introduces himself as Christopher Andrew Eugene Barzione, or just chris. hes a fucking weirdo who says red flag things the entire time. anyways rven though hes a complete stranger he convinces joshua to trust him, takes joshua by the arm and flies off like? out of the space time continuum or something?? and just somehow ends up at the time of the bible story in which moses is leading the jewish people out of egypt. then chris just fucking?? puts joshua into the body of the biblical joshua??? so joshua, a child, is literally now possessing the body of an adult man in ancient egypt.

at this point they go through the parting of the red sea, and joshua, who is again, a child in the body of a grown ass man, probably collects a shitton of trauma as he watches the red sea close back up and drown a bunch of people.

they continue through the biblical story, and joshua becomes moses’ right hand man. i should mention moses looks like this.

also no, thats not a giant chin, thats a really poorly rendered beard. i cant unsee it as a chin but i swear its supposed to be a beard.

theres also a battle scene where joshua is chosen to lead the people into battle with another nation, which is insane to me on numerous levels because for one thing i cannot wrap my mind around how nobody questioned that joshua, a grown man, has the voice of like a 9 year old boy. but anyways joshua collects even more trauma as he goes into battle and absolutely destroys a ton of people, murdering them willingly despite literally being a child.

continuing on, i think i’ll also mention that in the part of the biblical story in which the people start worshipping a golden calf and moses punishes them, in the bible he actually has them all slaughtered, and in this film he melts down the statue and makes them drink the gold. it makes sense to take out the slaughtering to not freak kids out but idk, drinking gold wouldve freaked me out just as bad as a kid, its making me cringe now. but idk i digress i just think its odd.

oh and ALSO before i go on. when moses gets the ten commandments he takes joshua with him but then just leaves joshua on the side of the mountain they climbed for forty days??? which i know is not weird if you know the bible story, but also, its important to remember joshua is in like. some undefined weird dream state this entire time. so hes basically having an insanely long dream, and it gets even longer, but we’ll get there.

so moving on eventually they get to the promised land, a city called Jericho. but theres already people living there, and joshua gets sent to scope the place out. he sees the people there sacrifice a baby, and later chris weirdly convinces him that this is a reason to have the whole population destroyed, because what they did was against god. and i do have to say that objectively, sacrificing a baby is a very weird and bad thing to do, but also, these people were in this city just living their lives without even knowing the ten commandments existed. so theyre essentially about to get completely obliterated from existence for disobeying a commandment they had no idea existed.

also, i need to mention that all the people of jericho look like this.

and so the biblical story continues, and the people carry this box with the ten commandments inside it around the outside of Jericho six times, and then stop. for some reason this makes the jericho people laugh, ig because they think these other peoples’ god is pathetic. but as theyre laughing, these massive fucking angels appear behind them. wait let me put images

yeah so these guys appear with gigantic hammers and just completely obliterate the whole city with all the people still inside.

and after this the other people cant even move in not just because its destroyed, but also because god got mad at all of them and condemned them to live in the desert forever, saying only joshua would enter the “promised land”.

joshua becomes the leader and is completely like. indoctrinated into playing the role of the grown ass man he is still possessing.

theres also? this one part where the narrator appears and says some things but then hes like? “thats my cue” and just fucking reverse breaks the fourth wall and goes INTO the story, turns into an angel, comes up to joshua, and joshua is like. “what message does the lord have for me” and literally all the other guy says is “the land you are standing on is holy” or something close to that and thats just. it. and the scene abruptly ends after that.

but anyways shortly after that chris comes back and he takes joshua back to his real life. funnily enough, when he took joshua off on the weird dream thing, he promised joshua he’d get him back in time for dinner, but when they come back, joshua is late for dinner and chris is literally just like “its not my fault” even though it absolutely is his fault.

ONE FINAL THING. when jericho gets destroyed, the weird devil head from way up on this post materializes and when joshua is transported back to his real life, the devil thing follows him. and joshua has to FIGHT SATAN WITH A FAKE WOODEN SWORD IN HIS BEDROOM. and somehow he succeeds and the devil head thing turns into rocks, and the rocks just disintegrate like sand, and then the whole thing is just over. it is so abrupt and so weird.

coming to the end, joshua’s parents are still arguing when he comes in for dinner, but after he sits down they suddenly just 180 and completely change their tune and start apologizing to each other and to joshua for being shitty. and thats the end of the 55 minute long, poorly animated fever dream!

i honestly summarized very fast to keep this post from being a bajillion miles long, but truly what ive said and the screenshots ive added dont even cover this movie. you need to just experience it. i did not even get into the sound in this film whatsoever because its just. you just need to watch it and hear for yourself how bad it is. its comically bad.

i highly recommend watching an actual movie review on it so you can hear what it genuinely sounds like. i definitely recommend ted nivison’s video on it, i found it insanely funny and it covers a lot of stuff i couldnt really cover well in the format of a text post.

but thats been my ramble :^)

i think my new hyperfixation is watching the absolute worst animated films i can possibly find

[obscenitymoving]

⛧ ; hiihi

thank you for your response, again! do you have any favorite things about being schizoid or ones that you consider positive?

also, do have any views on szpd in the sense of it being a disorder and all that? i find it interesting because it's technically considered among the Serious Mental IllnessesTM and personality disorders (the latter of which makes sense but i wouldn't be surprised if people with other pds find it much harder to deal with theirs) but i don't really perceive my experiences as.... suffering? ill? or the like? perhaps it's because some other pds tend to come with intense emotions and i'm just. dissociated all the time pfff. the way i am feels normal to me, even if neurotypicals would consider schizoids very confusing or hard to understand or abnormal in general. though then again i have this sorta mindset that suffering and pain = negative emotions that are felt, like sadness or anger. not Nothing. emptiness isn't negative if you compare it to feeling upset. sure, there's supposed to be fullness, perhaps, but i don't view it that way aha. but regardless it's funny when you're neurodivergent with little awareness about others no matter what your neurodivergence is, because i can't comprehend neurotypicals are unlike me and that i'm supposed to be the weird one. i've always called them aliens instead aha. i'm perfectly normal To Me, so what're the weirdo neurotypicals on about? (/joke but also i do think that way.) i figure it's just interesting to think about.

hiiiiii again sorry it took me so long to answer this time ive been busy being insane (playing tower of fantasy)

anyways . for me it really depends on the day. sometimes i have a lot of fun just reveling in my space and existing with entirely 0 responsibilities and obligations from other people. its very nice. i like to imagine a future in which i continue to exist as i am now (doing absolutely nothing. at least for another 2 weeks before i have 2 start college) and i dont find myself upset by it. i dont find myself being sad or feeling lonely if i continue living in my own little world where no one is ever allowed in. im not overly upset at the possibility i might just be single for the rest of my life. im content to coast through life feeling very little. though like i said, it depends on the day. sometimes i get really mad at myself (im angry more often than sad) and wonder why i cant just be "normal". and why its so hard for me to just talk to people. its an uphill battle just to remain in peoples lives. its very difficult for me because i rarely, if ever, am the one to reach out first or message people first. i just dont, im often not thinking about other people for long enough to want to text first. which obviously means most other people take this as a sign of me not being interested. which isnt always the case with me. i just dont like being the person to do it. im terrible at putting effort into relationships because it just feels so ... hard. and not worth the fight to keep someone in my life. i often think things like "if they really wanted to stay, they would have" when i drift apart from people. of course i know relationships have to go both ways, realistically i know one person cant just always put in the effort. but the little schizoid devil that sits on my shoulder tells me otherwise. (if you were wondering the angel would also be the schizoid. ie the euphoria of cancelling plans and avoiding social situations)

i do consider it a disorder (because my nothing is in equal parts enjoyable as it is suffering) but youre right in that it just does feel very normal to me. ill probably never go to therapy for it, as its not something thats so debilitating to me that i need "fixed". theres nothing to really fix, i think this is just how i am. im not really interested in putting allthe effort in to make myself "normal" when i have no problem with myself in the first place. and i dont really consider myself abnormal, i dont really care honestly. i dont care if people think im a creep... or that im a weirdo.... or a freakazoid or whatever. im too busy having a superiority complex anyways

[jubberry]

oohkay let's go tua with those ship asks: fiveya, horrance and alluther.

thanks el i love you

Send me a ship and I'll answer three questions based on if I ship it or not.

fiveya obvs i ship this since this is 90% of my tua drawings lol

1. ill wait ill wait (to be the one) by georgiestauffenberg made me ship it cause holy fuck dude. I dont know if i ship them romantically when i saw them onscreen cause first of all, age difference is kinda weird lmao. Second, they dont rlly interact much outside literally the first couple of eps. But he was so soft for her, and i felt like they had so much unexplored history.

so i looked at fanfics cause i was wondering if ppl still ship it, then i liked the description of this one so i gave it a go.

Basically the premise is that vanya dates a much older man who seems to know a lot about her. And it was amazingly in character and just provided their characters some depth that u wouldnt find outside of a romantic relationship between them. (The implication of five pining while she doesnt know who he is, their missed chances when he time travelled, fives missed chances of living and having a 'normal' life bec of his own hubris, vanyas insecurity and being able to open up bec shes with someone whos known her since childhood). Its so sweet and thats how i was like, oh yep i can do so much more with these two, and what has kept me interested in drawing them etc.

2. My favourite things are the shippers cause i made some friends in the fandom who are super cool and supportive! I dont get super involved in fandoms and usually just watch from afar so finding people to talk to and muck around with in this tiny fandom is super cool 😭

Though thats not to say I havent come across some bad apples in this fandom and things that I dont like. I think thats the importance of carving out a place for yourself and ur friends in fandom tho.

Another thing I like about the ship itself, i just like the grumpy person whos soft for one person trope. Its so cute. I like all the little clues in canon on how their relationship as kids is quite warm, which is interesting cause five is basically the star student and he can be quite cold vs vanya who is the black sheep of the family.

I also like how five likes her powers even when she caused the apocalypse he spent the majority of his life in lol. Like its a popular hc that five is just a wife guy and i love that.

I see vanya as the type who has a lot of love to give, and she sometimes has unrealistic expectations of what her partner can give. Betrayal and lies really angers her, but also when her partner cannot meet her expectations of love she gets very upset bec its also an indication of how shes not good enough, or not loveable enough to be able to have this in the relationship (her insecurity means every failing always comes back to her, even if its out of her control).

I feel like five would be a level-headed person enough in the relationship to not be afraid to say 'vanya ur being stupid' (ie. the s2 confrontation lmao). Also, five's personality means she will never have to doubt his actions bec she knows hes the type who will not give u the moment of the day if hes not interested.

Not to mention they also have the whole apocalypse vs. saviour, hero/villain thing. Theres just a lot to explore!

3. I probably have several. But mostly I dont mind five being a dick to vanya bec first, even if the appeal is hes soft to her hes already kind of a dick in canon lmao. Also, vanya isnt a child. Shes grown and she can handle petty af things like five telling her shes not good at cooking lol. I also dont mind it cause I feel like people are getting too afraid to write... conflict for fear or portraying an abusive relationship or smth. Like, chill. Conflict is fine, resolving it is how u get a story. However in saying that, nobody should be obligated to write any way unless you want to! Fanfic is for comfort so if what your doing is making u happy then its good enough!

horrance which i also ship but i love the platonic and romantic relationship equally:

1. I came in tua in general not shipping anything so Im honestly not sure. I do remember someone doing a meta before s2 came out that was basically how ben acted weird when klaus summoned dave in s1 that made me go 👀 Otherwise, tua s2 rlly made me like them cause tua FED horrance shippers. Like..... the fact that klaus didnt want ben to leave him, and ben knows thats why he stayed 😢 or the fact that klaus was all over him for some reason???? Somebody also mentioned gay ben once and I resonate with that deeply. Like i get that jill exists but i resonate with gay ben deeply.

2. I love their bickering, theyre so cute together. I just like ben being angry bec hes self aware that hes got both shit and amazing taste. Shit bec he cant believes he likes Klaus (and also amazing also bec Klaus). I think the idea of them being kind of underdogs, theyre not rlly leader types and dont want to be, helps them bond together even in platonic horrance. They're both down to earth, and even tho they can annoy each other, they also know if they want a space to feel comfortable its with each other. Theyre not pressured by rivalry over leadership, or any sort of competition.

I love the idea that even tho ben is like klaus's ''conscience'', hes also down for chaos and bitchy. I feel like klaus rlly enabled that side of him, its not exactly a good thing but its p funny lol

3. I know some people think their dynamic is unhealthy but i dont care lol

alluther. So id say i dont ship this, mostly due to the fact that im not invested? Just like all tua ships so far I rlly came out not wanting anything but platonic relationships cause I feel tua doesnt do romance very well. With alluther, theyre so cute but im not super invested in either of their chars so they havent stuck for me. I appreciate seeing them and talking about them tho, and I'm def open to exploring them further.

1. I think tua canon romances are just so lackluster 😔 Idk who writes the romances but I was just like 'nice' but afterwards I dont really think about them. I love their dance scene and the message behind it! Otherwise, theyre sweet like most of the tua romances but im not super invested, same with all the non canon ships.

2. I really feel like tua needs to decide on what their relationship is. Like, just say its incest or not and stick with it 👀 Or if you wanna support it or not, just make up ur mind. I think I would've liked it better if I found the characters more interesting. Allison especially I feel like suffers from the fact that tua just doesn't want to make her ''mean''. They want to make her supportive and are less interested in making her flawed (ie. she should've had a conflict with Vanya in s2, but the writers didnt want to write the girls fighting which is stupid imo and not what that conflict is about).

In regards to Alluther, the scene where Allison gets annoyed at Luther for sleeping with someone else felt out of line. Like, how are you marrying other people and moving on but Luther isn't allowed to? But honestly, I don't mind if they actually just acknowledge it and make it a deliberate part of Allison's trait that Allison can expect a certain loyalty automatically from other people (which can tie in to her childhood being a star, and the rumour).

Luther is a big simp for Allison, which is sweet, but at the same time it would be nice to have him explore himself for a bit, and who he is outside of the academy. Then maybe they can rekindle their relationship again as new people and see where they go from there.

3. I don't hate them, but they're ok. I'm not super invested in them, just like all the tua canon romance. But I wouldn't mind making content for them if I were a bit more invested in their characters. I love their dance scene in s1 and I feel like its super a underrated portrayal of what their relationship is meant to be. I know no one talks about it but it's just such a great scene, and I'm pretty sure the choreographer was into interpretive dance? The scene had a lot of meaning that I don't see people dig around with.

Essentially I'm pretty sure the fairy lights are obviously a throwback to their childhood together, spending time outside of Reggie. So the dance scene kind of symbolized that pocket of space they made for each other in their life (even if theyre far away, or with other people, they will always have that space for each other).

The way they danced was more like playfighting than dancing, which means their relationship isn't sensual. It's more ''pure'', and romantic. Its basically two kids rekindling their love as adults. I also think this is a response to the incest, cause in s1 tua klaus literally said that 'thank god Regg is not their real father' right before Allison and Luther meet lmao. So its kinda like saying Allison x Luther isnt supposed to be 'ohh step sibling hot' but two people who experienced the same trauma as kids and finding comfort with each other (and rekindling that love after many years).

[stray-tori]

An Innocent Sin & the good gay flashback ft. my descent into madness

I wasn’t sure if I should post this but I mostly want it archived so here we go. This is from like,, September?

So. “An Innocent Sin” is a dumpster fire unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I don’t remember why I decided to read it. maybe I was crazy. Either way... I read it. It soon started to touch upon (very very outlandish) sexual abuse which I thought was interesting. (the angst, not so much some of the wack circumstances surrounding it)

ANYWAY. at some point... we have a flashback. And not just that. It has a gay character.

And it turns rly gay. which mind you, is still in a het smut manwha (that has a “gay” side couple, but still!)

And it destroyed me.

For those who want to read it because I genuinely think the flashback is a decent bit, it’s all the bonus chapters between chapter 77 and 78 I think. There’s a part before that too, but idk where exactly anymore. (It’s on lezhin! or your platform of choosing)

I don’t THINK you’ll need any other knowledge to get the flashback bit? but it’s been a while.

Below the cut (rip mobile users), you can read all of my amazing reactions (all of these were text messages, for context - but I took most of the replies and convos about other things out). Post is also tagged as long post. :))

(i’m serious, this is fucking long)

__________

Here I am. Liking the gay flashback character. Feck. Main dude is still straight but idk it's cute pff

This is a mess. The girl white hair likes, likes black hair, maybe, but thinks white hair is attractive

What just happened is sth I'd like to know too pff He's so cute tho omg. Watch me melt Can we stay in this flashback before everything got perverted af and before white hair gets assaulted all the time I would send an eyebrow emote if I could Context: he's asking he says it again

Ik it's not mutual but loookkk he's so sweet. He's kinda rude in present time, can't we stay in this flashback forever

I never asked for gay, never expected gay but I got gay

This story is trash why am I still reading it shdhhd

He caught his mom cheating. And now she's forcing him to watch??? What is thissss Well adoptive mom But still sudhdidu what Bitch how dare YOU exist

Save my babyyyy

Yay sister that's not yet a rapist to the rescueee

This flashback is actually just nicer in every way let's just stay here This is a super long flashback btw Idek anymore what triggered it

Okay I think I'm gonna make the sensible decision and let this dumpster fire rest and just go sleep

It was very wild. I kinda wanna see white hair get therapy but it has 90 chapters and I'm at like 30... So I'm very concerned this is gonna be very dragged out. Idek if it's even finished ahahsududi - but I do kinda wanna see where it goes and see more cute Noah (white hair) so. Here we are.

yeahhh like i was down for the sexual abuse angst but then the mother killed the adoptive son's mother bc the dad had a thing for her?? and it was someone a person studying with white hair knew and so he's investigating and I'm like how did this turn into a crime organisation kind of plot

hhhhhhh i... i appreciate these horny things also tackling abuse but it always kind of gives me weird vibes to have both, especially when its very horny. And when people are horny to people who've been abused. Idk but I'd assume... you might try NOT to tie them up if they're frequently bondaged during their assaults. I'm just.... disjdksdj hello?? am i weird?? why are they fine with it???

also this manwha is so wild, theres this murder mystery investigation thing and then theres just a couple doing honry stuff sprinkled in between and i'm like OKAY

they rescued a guy in their basement and he's understandably very traumatized and they're trying to question him cut to our main couple trying bondage which i still dont understand bECAUSE HE'S A RAPE VICITM WHY ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS the ones questioning arent the main couple of course but idshkjds

like im glad he's somehow okay with all this horny stuff despite his trauma and im glad he can be happy and have a nice relationship but DO WE NEED THIS MUCH OF IT he's very cute tho

i like that even when i try other stuff lezhin recommends me it still has large amount of gay in it

[mei: i mean... that's pretty great, if you ask me]

I mean I agree, I'm enjoying the gay eheheh these tonal whiplashes there's not even that much white space between the panels fhjd nvm it just turned horny goddamn it can there be 1 chapter without fucking? okay, there were the flashbacks

WE ARE BACK IN FLASHBACKS but im not getting the gay relationship, sad

OH WAIT AM I GETTING GAY COMFORT bc thats very good too

OH NNOOO this turned sad very quickly

I'M SORRY IM SPAMMING BUT THIS IS JUST ANGSTY

I'M :((((

different species confirmed

I rly like them :((( I like the current girl too but it's just..... very horny with her. the flashbacks are nice [current tori edit: she’s very unloyal idk why i said I liked her] im weird HHHHH RIPPP 

someone help him he looks so saddddd

not sure if thats the most healthy relationship but I'LL TAKE IT

AWWW black hair's mom cooks mild food for them bc Noah can't eat spicy food :((( im soft

PFFF

I LOVE THE FLASHBACKS :(((

awww

i feel like theyve done much more bonding than noah's current relationship. I mean yes I think its cute when she comforts him, too, but they rarely do anything besides be horny together

OH OH THEY'RE KISSING

best buildup, honestly

the position is hornier than I'd like later here goes hope it stays cute

D-did someone just respect the word "stop"??? I am amazed

i think you might uh. have some trauma stuff too so yknow

Dohye is a little dramatic in his reassurance but it's all rly cute so I'm :(( I like them a lot pls stay like this getting invested in flashbacks is always like: ik it wont stay but pls stay like this

hELP

chapters ending in "i wanna touch him" is never good. I'm scared. Oh okay he didnt do anything. PHEW. He's already better than the girl, can't they just end up together lmao

[Noah was jealous]

w-why do you look so evil dohye haukdhjs

oh. oh no. the horny is starting. pls dont... just be cute forever

DOHYE NO YOU WERE SO DECENT WHY ARE YOU LYING ABOUT KOREAN TRADITIONS TO GET HIM TO DO STUFF HORNY STUFF TOO NO PLS STOP I JUST- WHEEE TvT the manwha is actually less visually horny in the flashbacks but im not sure if its bc its BL which isnt rly the genre of the manwha or if its bc they're still kids basically, which... I'd respect the latter, tho I'd prefer it to be like this constantly haha

okay. he's not respecting stop anymore, but it's also more of embarrassed nature more than "no i dont want this stop" so maybe i can forgive it. Still losing points, but he hugged him and it was sweet so HHHHHHHHHHH NOT SURE HOW I SHOULD JUDGE THIS SITUATION

They [Noah’s family] forbid him to visit his friends house I AM DEVASTATED

understandable they're a rapist, a fucked up murderer mother and a father with a thing for younger women so

tho he dont know any of that but yknow he's so pretty just fucking end me on the spot

hooo

they are boyfriends and ik from the future that his sister is gonna ruin it allll she has those drugs that make visual imaginations feel like they rly happened to the person (dont know if thats real but holy fuck its terrifying) and she's used it before to say that Noah assualted her. and im pretty sure shes gonna use it again bc there was a panel of Noah remembering Dohye being uhhhh intimate with her and thats why Noah began to hate him and im so sad im not ready for it. bc he's denied it in the future and i honestly couldnt see it happening even before that or she drugged Dohye, i guess thats a possibility too

[current tori: oh girl, it’s neither and it’s wack]

which if, btich you gonna die even more enough rambling, more reading. this makes me so sad but also spicy

on the manwha note, he thinks Noah doesnt like his family bc he's adopted and doesnt feel comfy which....... fair enough i suppose. and he's so cute im gonna melt just looK AT THIS 

SHUt UP, IM GONNA CRY

OH MY GODDDD he ate like ice and gum and all that, and Dohye assumed it was bc of the more spicy food and got rl worried, but he was just trying to get the smell out of his breath bc he wanted to kiss him ukhsdjs HOW CAN YOU BE SO CUTE HELLLOOOOOOOOO

look at them. LOOK AT mY BABIESSSS

how am i ever gonna care about the main couple again aww he-he wanted to go to the same highschool as him :((( im sad bc i know its not gonna happennnnnn

[mei: also at this point, you're literally never gonna care about them. i don't even know the main couple that well and i honestly don't care about them whatsoever.]

WAIT NO they're actually going to the same school awww ik it wont take long until sister fucks it up for them but for now theyre so sweet ohmygodddd

cant he move in with them, fuck his family honestly

dohye he's not a fucking pokemon iukhsdjs

oh. its. turning horny i am displeased with this development but i guess its natural for their relationship however COULD YOU DO IT AT HOME AND NOT IN SOME DUSTY SMALL ROOM how do ppl do this i like that the comments too are just "... is anyone still carng about the other girl?" sakjds

this is the best 3 panels in existence.

h-he just took your hand dohye idk what to tell you

[mei: "you blush at everything i do" god if that isn't me, idk what is]

awww its cute dohye is getting bonus points bc he invited Noah over while his mom wasnt home, they watched some sexual stuff and he DIDNT try to do anything what is this where can i get more of this

"well im not okay"

MY BABIESSSS 

they still didnt do much btw they're just kinda exploring and its honestly nice TvT I dont want this to ever endddd

[Dohye sees Noah’s sister and approaches her] N O

N OOOO

this is the starttttt of something.......... TERRIBLEEEE 

:((( babyyyy

I AM EMO

Noah was drugged im sure. hes having dreams and waking up in pain and the sister is asking doyhe over I DONT LIKE THISSSSSSS OH HE DECLINED

OKAY OKAY he saw him with her again but it was from behind and im not sure if it rly happened??? oh no this is terrible. Noah :((( poor child

i am so emo about this

[reminder he’s been abused TvT]

[the sister: “Don’t you want to know why?”]

i will. murder someone he called to ask her to delete his number btw what is this manwha but this is just gonna make it that more tragic when whatever happens that breaks them apart :(((

he's such a good bf but Noah just wont TELL him his side I'M SO SAD

I AM SO SAD

No

NO

It cant end im actually tearing up nooo you were so cuteeee and happpyyy

[*sister is telling dohye to come to the gym hall*]

what else is she gonna do she already teared [current tori: ahem... T O R E] them apart THAT'S NOT DOYhE. THATS NEVER HIM. OH MY GOD. is it a look alike??? damn, she's dedicated to just. ruining it, huh

I’M

I’M SO SAD

now he's switching SCHOOLS NO NOOOOO how will i ever find happiness againnnn NO they're misunderstanding further they're not talking properly i mean i get it but oh my god

I'M :((( 

NO NOOOO pls make up in the future at least omg he tried to clear it up tooo ahhh i dont even have hopes for them getting back together but i just i want them to clear it up im crying first manwha to make me cry and it's this dumpster fire ahaha maybe a little too bc it kinda hit a little close to home i guess but goddamnn ittttt they were so cuteee and so happy and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OH NO. Noahs getting drugged and assaulted. And he's realizing it happened before, he just forgot. I am. so sad it's not horny drawn either which i appreciate but MY HEART NO

N O DONT YOU DARE MAKE THIS WORSE

Im. gonna cry more 

Doyhe kept an eye on him im so emo :(( but he thought he was doing well enough and gave up.... Im im so sad no i want you to make up and get back together its all just a stupid........... MEHHHH will i ever find sth like this flashback again

[mei: p-probably not, no]

i am so devasted i dont even wanna go back to the main couple just fucking. i want this relationship back :(((( but i guess the investigation might end up somewhere so hhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh the baker manwha had a similar flashback feeling so. i just gotta find more of that haha

BUT THIS WAS SO SAD??? im so emo

[Dohye got kidnapped // the flashback commentary stops here but I think my descend into madness is pretty funny too]

OH YEAH THAT HAPPENED. THE FLASHBACK WAS SO LONG I FORGOT. NOOOO SAVE HIM. JESUS CHRIST PLS JUST ONE GOOD THING

its. actually rly smart to have another, more focused on them flashback, before the arc where he gets kidnapped by the rapist murder household so. good job. from a meta perspective but also NO but also. maybe theres hope for them making up at least after all :(((

[main couple kissing] this is. very weird now. but im glad he has someone, he deserves it but dohyeeeee

and switching to sex, YET AGAIN now i wanna see this EVEN LESS THAN I DID BEFOREEEE it's even.... a threesome now with one of the other characters why are you like this why can't you be. like in the flashback i am so upset HAHHHHH WHEEEZEEEE

I am just stop fucking jesus christ PLEASE I DONT WANNA SEE IT ANYMOREEEEE

im just stop the horny pls just tell me who that new guy is and why doyhe likes him so much

[mei: this manwha is a fucking mess but at least we got your lovely commentary out of it]

dhsuksj thanks i feel honored at least i got cute BL out of it before everything went [back] to shit

[mei: THAT TOO]

[...]

tbh im getting kinda mad about doyhe... i dont... feel like he'd just fall instantly for a guy who looks like Noah... but eh not my character

i just want closure for dohye at this point, fuck everything else ... not literally pls theres already too much of that

pls get it together for like 1 chapter is the investigation even still happening i am so confused save dohye plEASE wait what i have less than 10 episodes left Dont tell me this shit isnt even wrapped up yet

[Dohye is having a breakdown over the Noah double not coming to see him anymore]

yeah i this... doesnt feel like Dohye... at all... Even when Noah was rejecting him he was just kind of... taking it with some humor and maybe he was a little desperate and risky sometimes but... oh well... i do want him to get better but... im having a hard time believeing this development??? he never seemed overly anxious or anything. but who knows what else they did to him. Sister can still go fuck off tho

[...]

i mean. i liked the flashbacks a lot honestly??? it stayed simple and focused on the dynamics and less trying to balance smut with murder plots

[dm partner: NO THAT'S WHAT I MEAN LIKE CLEARLY THE AUTHOR CAN MAKE A GOOD STORY SO I'M JUST... CONFUSED AS TO WHY THEY DIDN'T STICK WITH SOME SOFT, FLUFFY BL ROMANCE MANWHA AND DECIDED TO MAKE WHATEVER THIS IS INSTEAD ]

okay i dont care bc dohye is currently getting assaulted nobody asked for this why i just. this is terrible. he was... so sweet. he doesnt deserve this. nobody does of course but jesus christ pls someone save him at least its not horny visually, one saving grace

ah... the assult is back to being depicted horny-ly thank you for nothing

[... removed some general confusion about the plot]

YES. SOME SHIP FOOD.

i am. suffering i mean i cant stop but GOD

okay so apparantly. the sister. has just an arsenal of people who look like other people Dohye, then Noah... and even Noah's GF??? this is ridiculous??

one good message 

why 

did you feel the need to add that [actual tired rage]

im gonna die this manwha is gonna kill me im laughing but im suffering oh hes arrested great and thats the end and the last update was in january of this year

why AS IN NOAH IS ARRESTED nobody who actually did anything is arrested What is this why is this AHHH I at least wanted the complete-ness of finishing this but now I'M JUST SUFFERING

[ mei: I MEAN TO BE FAIR I'D BE SUFFERING TOO BC JUST... WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE?? MANY QUESTIONS?? AND MANY CONCERNS BC THIS MANWHA IS JUST... AN EXPERIENCE ]

its an experience allright WELL

_______________

yup that’s it.

in my head, in a twist of events Dohye and Noah make up and are actual endgame. Something like that must exist out there but I won’t ask because it’d destroy the surprise and ruin the point.

That’s it.

Have a nice day.

[themeed]

damn allowed myself to want things for a day and all i want is a van to live in, knowledge, freedom, weight loss, and a bass guitar.

im. happy with that i think. im proud of me, no jokes. im proud of being able to want things and care about them and vibrate towards them with longing. im... pleased with that. its fulfilling in a way Not Wanting For Anything isnt, because thats... kinda hollow. empty. in a vacant, lonely, yearning and grieving and SAD way. maybe because i Couldnt Want then. i Couldnt Desire or it would be used against me or taken away. that sucks. that sucked.

and now. im free to want again. and comparatively???? i think im very much never going to aim for buddhism or that weird Not Desiring Not Attached Nirvana mindset. like good for u but been there out of trauma and its not fun theres no reason to truly Live. u just float endlessly and experience and it aches so badly!!!! it hurts to want to want and not be able to. and i guess that is different from not wanting at all but... its not different enough for me to justify ever going back to that. or going forward to that. i just got this back and screw enlightenment if it means i have to give up on my passions i dont think life is worth living without it.

and anybody who looks down on that from a spiritual tower has yet to examine their own pride and how empty they feel without it.

anybody who looks down and smiles and wishes me luck on my journey? good for them. im glad theyre living their best life, on their journey as they see fit.

and i feel the need to protect myself because ive been hurt by the pride- the arrogance of others before. a lot of my hurts and traumas stem from my mother being too prideful to recognize that she can be wrong and someone under her power could be correct over her. and it was an uncomfortable truth. so she denied it was one at all and hurt me. i know the reason could be elaborated on. she didnt want to confront her own internal logic. or trauma. or even doublethink. that doesnt excuse her hurting a child for the sake of her sense of pride, of comfort, of self-worth. a child under her power, that she claimed to be parent of. teacher of.

not owing anyone anything is not the same as not hurting anyone. i havent reconciled that yet. oppressors should be held accountable for their mistakes, and give reparations if the harm is physical at LEAST. and i think that applies to politics, yes. privately though? if i beat up a nazi, i dont want to pay for his hospital bills. my personal philosophy struggles between equating people and ideas as a worth measurement, and realizing that that line of thinking is... similar to oppressors. but. its based on something people can change. the question is, do i think "if given the opportunity" is a good enough reason to stop and question a racist that runs their mouth? and do i think pre-emptive violence is okay? if say, a nazi walks into a bar and doesnt say anything but is wearing all the red flags and bells and whistles. i dont think that justifies a beatdown. being asked to leave, sure, but the beatdown doesnt start til the first remark flies.

once the intent is given OR the action is taken, the line is drawn. doesnt matter if they Havent Had The Chance. if theyre starting shit outside of debate spaces like that, and not, say, asking questions, theyre not looking for new perspectives, and it is NOT my job to educate people. its not my job to Show People The Light. a quick fucking google search could tell them why theyre wrong. if they havent put even the most basic energy into questioning their beliefs, thats on them.

it sounds like im trying to absolve myself of blame here. largely because. i think i should go out and help educate people because theyre inherently complacent if theyre, yknow, in a position of power. aka white folk and men and rich folk and cis folk and on and on and on. these people dont live my reality. they dont live the reality of a gay black man in the south, or a genderqueer lesbian in the west, or an indigenous woman whose nation is being targeted, or a muslim woman who cannot wear her headcoverings in the face of danger of death, or an asian immigrant who cant get a job because of COVD age discrimination resurging. we will never live each others realities, but we can become aware of them.

they wont come into awareness without someone asking or telling, and then doing something to change them.

we shouldnt need to go running to people in power for them to be aware of problems in the populace, govt is supposed to help and solve issues like this. like. actively. thats the whole point, make life better for the countrys citizens. and individuals in a position of social power...

are individuals who didnt take on a responsibility to protect and serve or otherwise care for the populace of a nation. i personally think they SHOULD care, but they are not obligated to. i cant make them care about others.

and honestly, on some of them, it would be a waste of time. there are people who want to change or question things and yknow what? they seek out answers. in people or places or online usually. stats and stories.

so like. i dont think someones Potential as a person matters when theres a throwdown about to happen. it really isnt my responsibility to save people from themselves or try to change their sides against their will. if they want to chat about it they can ask questions first.

not throw insults or punches or hatred.

what people have been taught is worth analyzing and trying to correct IN SOCIETY but i cant fix every broken white boy that comes to me. PSAs, fliers, outreach, online videos, debate spaces. those are things i already have access to and can be a part of if i really want to go around changing minds. or yknow. get involved in legislation and be myself around others to change their perceptions of whats socially acceptable or normal. maybe protest, maybe call congressfolk, etc.

but not every comment has to be analyzed or a learning opportunity. im allowed to shut it down, and people can respect that or stop talking to me. this isnt my parents house where i had to justify everything that i said or did when scrutinized, and doubly justify any criticism i had of mother, or any joke i frowned at instead of smiling.

these people dont have that power over me. they arent my mother. they arent my boss, and if they are i can fuck off and get a new job if necessary. they dont have financial control over my living space and food and schooling and physical control of where i can go and with who and for how long. I CONTROL THAT. I do.

Huh. maybe thats why i want a van so bad. i mean... when this lease ends if nobody is gonna end up living with me...

i could just... live in my car and shower at truck stops. get a storage unit for my stuff. save by driving jobs. like 40 to 60 a day. tear out my cars back, insulate it, and install my mattress pad there. water on the floor, cooler next to it, wooden cutting coard, knife, single camping plateware set, and another little shelf for spices. maybe a hot plate i can hook up to the car battery? get a long enough usb and it might be doable. i could go camping and open the trunk to just... vibe.

because yeah, honestly? i dont plan on having a solid apartment for a bit. like a long bit. and i still have like 70000 miles on my car before itll want to go. and by that point, even at like 100 miles a day, thats like 2 years, less if i go cross country in that vehicle. i could save up SO MUCH for a better vehicle, or like. college. live on campus, get some credit, continue working after i figure out want i want to do.

i think thats a solid plan, even if i dont get another apartment and put everything in storage. work as i need to instead of all the time for rent, really only paying for gas, car repairs, car ins, food, and phone data/hotspot internet... that would bring my monthly expenses down to like 500 a month max instead of like 1400. id only need to make some 1000 a month doing contract stuff to save for taxes and stuff. anything extra would be just that: extra for savings and things. holy shit.

depending on how this next month goes for my friends, holy s h i t.

i. i might do this. legitimately.

i. dont think i can yet. i need proof of address to get my license im pretty sure? but hey, thatll be my 21st this year, so. once i have that i wont need a new address for a While. i dont know if ill want one, really.

i could always just ask a friend or family member if i could use theirs for mail that cant go to a PO box.

anyway. yeah. wow.

[oswednesday]

so when fiddleye died my mom was like in a huge rush to take him outside and i should have like grew a spine about having him be there until the other cats came to sniff, idk if we even live in a state that allows backyard burrying gfgd its unsanitary at any rate tho this is like a very animal dense area so i suppose its unavoidable regardless, i want to dig him up and either like wire up his skeleton and decorate him like a jeweled saint or like find a place thatll do post bury cremations and have him be in a little cat shaped urn, idk whichll be more respectful and thatll be for like after i leave like ill leave, come back, get his body in the dead of night and leave again, maybe they wont even know im visiting how ill (read: very cool) would that be omg,  knives slept by the back door thats in the room my mom has as a master bedroom thats def suppose to be a dining room or a general living area, like this place is clearly like one of those places people who live in the city come to the beach in to change into swim suits, bbq and go back to the city but the region and country at large doesnt really suppose that class anymore so this was converted very half assly into a home like the listing says its four bedrooms but the one “bedroom” is an unevenly poured concrete floor where the washer and drier would be hooked up and like half of the water and heating stuff ends up there, then theres my room which is like skirting the line of the size allowance for a bedroom in a house of this sqfootage like if i didnt have a window i dont think it would count gfgfd they tried to expand it and legitmize it with this closet space but theres a weird like slide door thing that you can just pull back and get into the other room that was def sliced in half with a middle closet and theres like this weird like hole that runs from both rooms to the outside? im worried my brother thinks i put the hole in the closet as he recently put tape on his side of it after like vaccumning his room for the first time on his own fdgdfgdfg i suppose i should have covered the hole up but like i didnt think it looked directly into his room rather the interior of the middle closet and its so low to the ground and it the corner like that i just sorta forgot about it until i noticed the light coming through it was extra bright cause of the tape he put over it, like why is there a hole that runs through two rooms to the outside???? all the doors also had locks on the outside too like, really weird, really weird she bought this place like like energy seeks like places i suppose, omg off topic, i have a lot of back through dumping to do, 

anyway knives was sleeping by the backdoor for a few days and then eventually came to sleep where he died and my mom was like “those two didnt get along shes happy hes gone” basically and i was just so speechless like gfgfdgf???? cause like when she isnt sleeping shes been picking up the mewoing and gathering people to take care of cat buisness which was his thing and it was just such a horrible shocking thing to hear some one say about an animal thats displaying like an understanding of death like, because he’d gone the other two have been walking his paths and like even the one cat who doesnt really like to climb has been going up on the higher paths when the other one was sleeping in the death spot and by the door like?? it was such a deranged thing for her to say and its been like haunting me since so hopefully like getting it down will help shake it off, knives has picked my brother to be The Person which is really regrettable but : // i am leaving so i wont have that guilt about it, like he doesnt let the cats in his room and has the only door in the house and my mom coddles him over the cats like all his life like id get yelled at if i like stopped a cat from tearing up my stuff but He Has Allergies so the cats keep out of his room (his allergies are like plant based sxdfsd) ive been like no the cats cant knead freely on my things and sometimes i dont want the cats in my room my mom acts like im betraying The Family over it, its really,,,but knives will sleep on the back of the couch up against the wall the living room and my brothers room shares or she’ll stand outside his bedroom door and meow, shes taken to like waiting by the door for him and he barely gives her the time of day, they both yell at her constantly, like fully scream at her for meowing in the morning