#so i’m just gonna publish the first chapter this week whatever lol

[rowanisawriter]

it’s time.. For my modern AU gale/durge…….. this has been cooking long enough lol

[darecruit]

Hey! I’m just coming around to say i’ve just finished reading A Mother to Both and I loved it!

I don’t write near as good as you, so I am unable to put in words all the things I’ve loved about it without sounding too dumb but i’m gonna try

I’m gonna start just by saying i saw an evolution in the way Shelby handle crisis. Like, in the first work, she had both Quinn and Beth needing attention (when Quinn met her sister) and though she needed to get to Beth first since she is a baby, she could have explained that to Quinn so she didn’t feel rejected or anything (even if Quinn was in trouble that time)

However, this time around, when there was a crisis, and she had to handle Quinn and Rachel and her fathers at the same time as well, she managed to situate Quinn on what was happening, and why she had to go over to the Berry’s house, leaving Quinn at her grandfather’s. I thought that was a nice touch of Shelby recognizing one of Quinn worst fears, of being abandoned again, and even if Quinn is in trouble, or has to prioritize something else for the moment, this doesn’t mean she loves Quinn any less.

I also loved the parallel between the first and the last chapter with Rachel jumping on Quinn, and the hug between then showing something along the lines of ‘yes we are family’ and ‘yes, let’s try and be friends then’

Sorry for the rant lol. Stories about families always hit my soft spot (especially when they’re with characters I love so much). So thank you for continuing to publish stories on families for so long, I really appreciate it.

And while I was here, I was wondering, is there anything you cut from this story? Any scenes that didn’t make it, or something you changed it up?

Have a nice weekend!

Oh my goodness! Thank you. You have made my day! And I’m so sorry for the delay in replying, I was on vacation and no cell service.

I didn’t even think about the fact that Shelby has grown in her parenting. I was letting them do their thing and I did want Shelby to pick up on Quinn’s real reason for the behavior. But you’re absolutely right, she took the time here to explain to Quinn. She still slipped up a bit with poor Q thinking she was going to be spanked all day and then it never happened. It’s an ongoing learning curve for sure! 😅

And YES! I thought the parallel was hilarious. I didn’t actually plan for R to tackle Q again but it came up organically. I just wanted R to hug Q and to have that parallel gossip going through the school—Rachel Berry slushied Quinn Fabray/Rachel Berry was hugging Quinn Fabray.

I started writing the story originally with it being like 7 weeks after the first story ends (so mid-February in-story). But I couldn’t figure out how to get it moving. My wife actually suggested restarting and having it begin at the first day back to school. Then it evolved into what it became. And honestly I’m glad it did. I love the dramatic-ness of it. It’s so very Rachel.

I’ve got ideas for what I want to happen next. I want to show Rachel and Shelby’s first outing together (maybe a bit of Quinn jealousy at that—they’re both grounded and only Rachel is allowed to go out). I thought it would be sweet if S comes home from her day with Rachel and watches a movie with Quinn to give her something special. She wouldn’t let Q out of the house but this is something special that she gets her mama’s undivided attention for.

I want Quinn to come down with a cold or the flu. I’d really like for Rachel to be over and overhear Quinn being spanked. Of course no one knows she’s listening in. But then R will be jealous bc Shelby doesn’t parent her and lets her get away with everything. Meanwhile Q is jealous that R can do whatever she wants without repercussions.

My wife wants a story where Rachel gets snowed in at Shelby’s and S tells her she can sleep in Quinn’s room. Q will balk and be argumentative. Why does she get my room? There’s couches. Why do I have to give up my space? Shelby hushes her and says she’ll sleep with her, thinking her and R aren’t close enough yet, she doesn’t want to make R uncomfortable by saying sleep in my room with me. Q is used to it. R is then jealous that she’s not asked to stay with her mom.

I’ve had an idea too where Quinn takes the blame for something that Rachel has done and Shelby sends Q upstairs with a wooden spoon (whatever it is is something that Q has done before so S thinks it’s a repeat offense). Shelby will of course find out the truth afterwards and sits both girls down to explain to Rachel that had she confessed at the beginning, she would have faced a simple hand spanking. But bc she let Q take the fall, she’s going to get the exact same spanking that Quinn did. And Quinn learns that lying to mom only gets her into trouble.

[ilkkawhat]

fav fic titles

[Rules: List your 20 favorite fic titles, whether they're story titles or chapter titles!  They can be funny, creative, eye-catching, whatever makes them your best.  :)  If you don't have 20 favorites, or don't have 20 stories, just do however many you want!]

tagged by @impossiblepluto and believe or not, 237 fics and I really don’t have many.

1) Half Past Midnight - my first re-emergence into writing and publishing CSI fic after many, many years (though honestly I don’t count a lot of my teenage stuff cause it was hot garbage anyway) and I didn’t actually even notice until I think I posted the first or second chapter that technically, when the team is watching the feed for the first time, it is a little half past midnight so. that was just cool to sort of subconsciously gather lmao

2) The All In series: Atrophy, Agony, Augury - Alliteration, pure and simple lmao very satisfying and esp in my most recent graphic series for it. It’s all about that Suffering

3) Agony Ch. 26: Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve - The longest I’ve written for any of my multi-chaps to date, this chapter means a lot to me on so many levels and I feel like it’s title is due in part to my own bout of agony going on with some pretty severe depression so. Yay self projection

4) Specimen Stokes & its chapter titles - Even before the shrinking twist I was giddy about dubbing Nick a “specimen” just for the like. idk, human experimentation aspect and because he’s super hot. The chapter titles are all composed of things you’d find in a lab which has actually started to become a little tricky for me (and I super want to name this one chapter “Feed My Frankenstein” but it’ll break the trend lol) but I had a dream recently about a chapter called “scissors” and I know exactly what would happen in it. Whether that’ll be this story or the sequel, I’m stoked.

5) First Flight - It originally had a double meaning but I scrapped half of the fic’s plot for reasons but recently I figured out how to restore that double meaning with a brand new twist that wasn’t necessarily gonna happen. I also have a tentative chapter called “no cake in the breakroom” that’s gonna be the most angsty, gut wrenching thing I ever write and I’m weirdly excited for it

6) Finder’s Fee - Out of all of my episode-related titles I actually think I like this one the most? and by that I mean where I either twist the name of the episode (i.e, Assume Nothing > Everything Assumed) or take a line from the episode as the title. This was another “means a lot to me” fic too (coughSelfProjectioncough)

7) For Your Viewing Pleasure - Okay this was another episode related one and I just like it cause it was a super underrated creepy ass line in Grave Danger and I wrote an entire fic about it in a week. out of nowhere.

8) Last Breath & its chapter titles - Mostly composed of song titles, I tried to choose things that would kinda give a clue/set the tone for the chapter. I’m a sucker for Evanescence’s knack for angst in their lyrics lmao

9) Hollow Heart & its chapter titles (specifically “The Rescue”) - My first lemon fic! Angsty lemon!!!! Really kinda harder on the angst than the lemon aspect esp since I’m (still) not that good at writing smut but! I thought it turned out pretty good.

10) Stone Heart - Grave Danger AU, so naturally love it because of that, but it’s a reference to the lyrics of Outside Chance and something I actually want to get tattoo’d some day (I’m thinking a tattoo of the tape recorder, a pair of glow sticks, and a ribbon that reads “stone heart” on it)

I swear I do actually love more of my fic titles but these were the ones that resonate with me right now.

Also bonus, some titles of unreleased fics (subject to change) mainly just an excuse to gush over my WIPs that I actually have a name for cause otherwise I legit have documents titled “shock waves word vomit” or “attempt at writing word vomit hospital meat jekyll shit::

Bonus #1 The Violence in the Pouring Rain - Nick/Naomi (OC), one of my favorite uses of lyrics from Halsey’s “Hurricane” cause yeah. They’re trapped in a hurricane. Also a dream fic.

Bonus #2 Augury Ch. 1, I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight - I’m gonna be taking a real dangerous leap with this chapter into a territory I’ve never written before and feel a little idk not uncomfortable but just. worried about doing BUT...I feel like it’s gonna be one of my best in terms of build up and action and how the chapter ends. (and if you’ll notice, I used that song for the “trailer” I made even though I gotta finish Agony first LMAO)

Bonus #3 The Pancho Problem/The Sanders Solution - The Pancho Problem was one of the earlier CSI fics I posted when I started publishing in 2018/2019 but unfortunately I had a moment of weakness and deleted what I had going for it. I do want to revisit it one day and re-work what I thought was wrong and one of my chapter titles for the Pancho Problem was “The Girl with the Flower Tattoo” which at the time, I thought was fucking amazing.

Bonus #4 The Beast You Made of Me: More Nick in captivity, but think of The Most Dangerous Game for the human hunting aspect, and idk other creepy shit like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre for torture. Basically I’m gonna make Nick into a feral human beast by the end of it. With long hair and a scraggly beard. And literal shit thrown at him. Eventually finds his way home after a full on YEAR to find out...he doesn’t have one anymore.

Bonus #5 The Day the World Went Away: The assclowns haunted mansion fic I promised for years lmao. Combining inspiration from Twin Peaks, Silent Hill and my own dreams, I hope it ends up being done in time for this year’s Halloween lmao (or earlier)

Bonus #6 Nick + Jack + Nick: DaltonStokes + Nick Corelli. Cause we need to give Nick Corelli some love dammit.

[fulcrumstardust]

Bold the writing habits that you relate to!

thanks for tagging me @incognitajones

• I write: daily |  most days | a few times a week | a few times a month | random

• I write most often: when I first get up | later in the morning | afternoon | evening | the wee hours of the night | whenever

• In one sitting, I tend to write: a few sentences at a time | a few hundred words | a few thousand words | a complete chapter/section no matter how long | An outline |  whatever comes

(and I mean on the lower end of hundred lol) I am so slow but I'm trying my best ok 😭 At least it's relatively clean, I don't do a lot of editing so I guess there is that.

• I tend to write scenes: in chronological order with no skipping | mostly in order but with some filler/skipping | whatever scene I feel like | who knows what’s gonna come out????

Sometimes I skip around and write THE scene in advance, but when I catch up I need to change a lot so I avoid doing that as much as possible. If I write non-linear stories, well, it's not chronological either but I write in order the scenes are published, so I guess it doesn't count?

• The things that comes easiest to me are: dialogue | description of senses | description of action | description of characters | exposition | other [please specify]

• I tend to write: on a phone | on a laptop | in a notebook | on whatever paper I can find | with speech to text | in the blood of my enemies | it doesn’t really matter to me | on paper first and then typed up | old school typewriter | On a computer

• When I take a break from writing, it usually lasts: a few days | a few weeks | a few months | it’s kind of random

ok, hear me out lol. Sometimes I try to write but it doesn't go anywhere and I give up on that day. So I guess for my readers it seems like weeks or months (oof, sorry) but for me it's like I'm working on it non-stop.

• My favourite thing to do when I’m on a writing break is: recharge with other creative hobbies | read/consume other media | do something physical | catch up with old friends | work on my WIP in other ways like with playlists or art | other [please specify]

• In general, I think my writing habits are: pretty much what I need them to be | okay, but I’m working on making them better | non-existent | not great :/ | i’m excited to develop them further | totally random | perfect for me :D

I would like to be able to just vomit words in my draft without trying to make it good and be faster, but it doesn't work great for me yet. I'm slightly becoming better with the editing stuff but habits are hard to change!

tagging (if you want): @andorerso @briamarie38 @asunachinadoll @halflingmerry @lollercakesff @missameliep @sadieandor

[devil-latte]

First Lines Meme

@badass-at-fandoming​ and @missn11​ tagged me for a First Lines Meme. They did this a very long time ago and I’m gonna give it a go now.

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line, then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

Everyone I knew already got tagged in the last round so I tag anyone who wants to do it lol.

And hey fam, I only have 3 published fics at this point, so I’m gonna cheat. I’m going to include the first lines from a couple of... lone scene I have from my “Le Sang Oblige” fic universe. Here’s the thing, I haaaate writing opening lines. Lol, Le Sang Oblige doesn’t even have a “first” chapter yet, I skipped it so that I could make myself work on the parts I was excited to work on. XD Its like skipping the first page of a new sketchbook to avoid the pressure of creating whatever is going to end up being the viewers first impression. Anyway here goes (in backwards chronological order)

1) Damsel De-stress The moment Damsel set foot in The Asylum, she wanted to leave. The pimply young kine with their black-and-neon bedraggled outfits annoyed her. The synth-heavy melodramatic drone set to flashing rainbow strobes gave her a figurative headache. This was not her scene. 2) Le Sang Oblige: Avery Witnesses the Trial Avery downed the acrid, rust-colored liquid and waited for it to take effect. Only after he felt the mixture slide through his veins and found he could no longer see his hand in front of his face or his toes, did he lift the grate and enter the theatre.  3) Le Sang Oblige: Elric and Avery at the Bar “Remind me why I let you talk me into letting you come with?” “Because you’re a hunted man,” Avery replied matter-of-factly, “and I’m going to try to prevent you from getting sniped while getting a snack.” “Right…” Elric sighed. “Just be cool then. Let me do my thing.” “Looking forward to seeing what ‘the thing’ is.” This summoned up a in inscrutable glance from Elric.  4) Your Ambitions Close / Your Enemy Closer June 1999. Sebastian LaCroix slipped through the dusky streets of Downtown Los Angeles, heedless of the danger he courted as a lone agent of the Camarilla entrenched so distantly behind enemy lines. It was certainly not the Ventrue’s first time in Anarch territory, though he had to admit, the holds of New York’s loathsome Rabble seemed positively monastic compared to the raucous shamble that was the Free States of the west coast. He had spent no more than two days so far in this infernal city and as a proper order-loving Camarilla and Ventrue, the state of things made LaCroix’s blood boil.

5) Le Sang Oblige: Elric and Mercurio at the Diner Elric had not been a vampire for more than a week yet, and most of his nights had been spent in Mercurio’s company. Elric had quickly discovered that nights spent in association with the agent invariably came coupled with some measure of violence or, at the very least, gunshots. Despite this, the ghoul’s even temper and obvious acumen served as a calming presence to the new fledgling, grounding Elric in the unsettling new world he had found thrust upon him.

6) A Terrible Boss “Oh, I’m sorry, Mr. LaCroix isn’t receiving anyone tonight.” Mercurio leaned against his fists on the receptionist’s desk, hoping that doing so would prevent her from seeing they were shaking. He managed a smile. “Sure, that’s what he says, but that doesn’t really apply to me.” Analysis: I invariably write in third person past tense. I used to have a complex about it, like straight up thought first person was inferior (thanks Twilight-clones). I’m past that now but still prefer 3rd person past with an iron conviction.

I always choose one point of view character for any given scene, so if its not the handful of times when I begin with dialogue, the opening line always seems to include the POV character as the subject. I don’t always mention the setting in the initial paragraph, especially if I’m setting up other intrigue with character interaction. 

Something I never seem to do is begin with description of setting or action not directly tied to a character. Always starts with the characters. 

[jawritter]

You and Me...

Chapter 15

***SERIES WARNINGS**** Rape, non-con, male!rape, injury, violence, description of injury caused by rape, nightmares, self-harm, panic attacks, implied female non-con, language, ass hole Jensen, hurt!Jensen, dark fic, smut. If there is anything else I will add it as I go.

***Chapter Warnings*** Language probably somewhere in there, because it’s me y’all. Hints of anxiety, brief mentions of nightmares, and panic attacks. Like very brief, self-confidence issues. (If that’s a proper way to describe it...) Slight angst, a very little fluff, I think that’s about it. 

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Word Count: 3278

A/N: This chapter is a combo of the original chapters 15 & 16, It might look at first glance like a filler chapter, but pay close attention to details in behaviors. **SPOILER** If you do it will save you some shock in upcoming chapters lol. As always all mistakes are mine! Please do not copy my work!! Feedback is gold! I hope you enjoy this one!

Summary: It’s funny how one choice you made can change your whole life. One mistake can alter your course, and set you on a path that forever will haunt you. Two people find themselves getting through one of the hardest trials of Jensen’s life, on just one small promise. You and Me. We’ll get through it together…

Want more? Check out my masterlist!!

***MASTERLIST***

***YOU AND ME MASTERLIST***

The sun broke pink just over the horizon of Jensen's property. You found yourself sitting on the back porch with a cup of coffee in your hands, listening to the early morning sounds of birds overhead.

Even though it was fall, it was still slightly warm from the rain that had passed yesterday. Jensen and yourself had fallen asleep on the floor pallet that he'd made somewhere in the middle of the first season of Game of Thrones. You both would have stayed there too, that is if the nightmares hadn’t started.

You moved the both of you to the bedroom, but you never really went sound to sleep after that. Jensen seemed to fall asleep again pretty soundly thankfully, and when you made your way out here he was still sleeping soundly.

You'd already been up, showered, picked up all the pillows and blankets, and gotten yourself ready for the day. You were planning on finishing your cup of coffee and waking up Jensen if he'd not woken up by then, and get started on breakfast.

It had rained so much yesterday that the roads headed into the studio were flooded. That being said, it looked like the two of you got another day off.

Standing and stretching, you see Jensen sitting at the bar on the phone. A cup of coffee in hand, and his hair a mess. He looked so cute when he was still sleepy in the morning, and you couldn’t help the content smile that spread over your face at the almost normal scene playing out before you, it was nice after everything that had happened to feel somewhat normal.

Opening the door you were starting to hear bits and pieces of the conversation he was having over whoever he was on the phone with.

"Yes Danneel I'm aware of that, but if I want to see someone I'm entitled to do so... No... No... I don't know if that's a good idea... Well, I'm still... Yes, I'm aware of that... But I...WOULD YOU SHUT UP AND LET ME TALK PLEASE!... I'm still having some problems. I don't know if that's a smart thing to do right now... I do want to help... Okay fine...FINE!... I'll be there to get her in a few hours... If you just have to have her picked up now I can call Jared... Because I just got out of bed that's why... Whatever damn, you're being a bitch this morning... Yes, I did call you a bitch. Keep it up and your descriptions are going to get more colorful than that... Fuck you... I'll call Jared and have him pick her up. I'm not in the mood to see you right now." 

With that, he hung up the phone and rubbed his face with his hands, not even noticing you were standing there.

You walk up behind him and start rubbing his shoulders, not exactly sure what to do here, not wanting to overstep your place. His head rolled against you, and let out a deep sigh as you worked the knots out of his tense body.

"Everything okay?" you finally got up the nerve to ask. You normally tried to stay out of his business when it came to Danneel. You didn’t want him to feel like you were trying to step yourself in where you had no business being, and this was the first time you had ever blatantly asked about something that was going on between them.

"Yeah, it's fine. One of the twins has the stomach flu. Danneel doesn't want JJ to catch it so that she doesn't miss school. So she called and asked if she could spend the week with me. Which is fine, but she wants me to go get her from her house right now," he shrugged and turned around to wrap his arms around your middle, pulling you closer to him.

“She also has somehow found out about us, and she wasn’t exactly happy about it, even though it’s none of her damn business.” 

You kept your mouth shut because you understood a little bit of Danneel’s side there. Her children still had to see their dad, and that might mean you’re around them too… You would probably have had a similar response.

"I hope she doesn't see me having some of the problems that I'm having right now. It's not that I don't want to see her, I just don't want her to see me this fucked up," he said, his voice muffled because of his head pressed against your chest.

"It will be fine. She's not gonna notice. She's just gonna be happy to see her daddy," you tell him, running your fingers through his tousled morning hair. Honestly, it was becoming your favorite thing to do.

Just as you were about to pull away from him and fix breakfast so that he could get ready to have Jared pick up his daughter. The phone rang again.

"What Danneel?... Damn... Well, she was already exposed... Okay... No, it's fine... Tell her when she gets better I'll come pick her up, and we'll go to the zoo again and get Ice cream or something... No, I know... I'm sorry too, I'm just not myself still... Tell the kids I love them... Okay... Fine... Okay... Bye." 

He let out a deep breath and dropped his head down on the bar.

"What's up?" you asked, feeling like you were seriously intruding, but you were concerned about any sort of stress being on him right now.

"Looks like she's already caught it. She started getting sick when Danneel got off the phone with me a while ago. So she's just gonna keep her there." Jensen said, being torn between his family, and where he was now was still something he was learning how to do; on top of the stress that his attack had put on him. What made it worse was that you didn’t know how to help him through this part.

The physical you could handle, the nightmares, the panic attacks, you could handle, but when it came to his kids, that’s a whole different ball game.

"I'm gonna go grab a shower," he says, standing from the stool and placing a kiss on your forehead before making his way to the bathroom. You wished there was something to make him feel better. You didn't know what you could do though. Deciding to give him his space would probably be the best idea you turn and start on breakfast.

A few hours later Jensen was sitting with a guitar strung over his lap in the chair next to the window, and you were sitting with the laptop in yours, working through some transcripts that the publishing company had sent you. For the first time in a long time, everything felt... Well... Normal... It was easy... There was a comfortable silence that had fallen between the two of you. Only the sound of Jensen's guitar and your fingers sliding across the keys of your computer filled the room.

Out of nowhere a loud knocking at the front door made the both of you jump, pulling you both out of your comfortable state.

"I got it," Jensen said, sitting his guitar on the stand, and standing to his feet. You were halfway wondering if it was Danneel So you closed your computer and looked toward the front door, listening to try and see who it was.

You weren't left in the dark long though. Jared's voice came booming through the house. You rolled your eyes and picked your computer back up. 'Jensen must have called him over,' you think to yourself, not paying much attention as the two men walked into the room and sat down.

"Okay guys, listen, I got some really big news just now," Jared said excitedly, almost jumping up and down in his seat like a kid on Christmas morning.

You look across the room at him and see a dark-haired woman you knew as Jared's wife sitting next to him. She smiles and nods in your direction and you do the same. You hadn’t even heard her come in with Jared.  

"Okay,” Jensen said, almost a little afraid judging by his tone of voice. "Spill."

"Well, I got a phone call early this morning from Robert and Andrew. There is a network that has been running our reruns on cable TV for years, they’re not happy that the show is over. Apparently, the president of TNT Kevin Reilly is a fan, and wants to pick up Supernatural on their network for season 16!" Jared was practically floating above his seat he was so happy. Gen looked over at her husband and laughed at him a little nervously, but you could see she was just as excited as he was, obviously feeding off her husband's good mood.

You looked at Jensen, he didn’t look as excited. His brow was furrowed, and he was biting his bottom lip. Looking down at his hands in this lap, he was obviously thinking hard about what Jared just said.

"Come on Jay," Jared said, picking up on his best friend's mood. "I've already talked to Misha. He's onboard. Let's give the Winchester another run." Jared said, sitting on the edge of his seat. He knew this could never fly if Jensen refused to participate, there was no acceptable recast, and there was no way the fandom would watch if Dean wasn’t a part.

"You know I want to," Jensen said in a rushed breath. "I'm just worried that I can't do some of the things now that they may want me to do," Jensen said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat, still not looking at anyone in the room.

"Robert and I already thought about that. If this goes through we will work around any handicap, setbacks, or problem you may have that comes up. It won't be an issue," Jared assured him, giving his best Sam Winchester puppy dog eyes.

Jensen licked his lips and nodded his head. "Okay, let's try. What do we need to do?" he asked, looking up at Jared finally. Just a little hint of excitement in his own eyes you hadn't seen in a long time.

Maybe he needed this more than he knew he did...

"Well, we fly to Georgia to meet Robert, Andrew, Misha, and Kevin in the morning if we decide to do this. I know it's short notice man, but this may be our only opportunity to bring our show back.” 

Jensen chewed a little more on his lips, thinking hard.

"Okay, but Y/N comes with me," he said, reaching over and taking your hand in his.

"That's cool. Gen's coming with me. We'll rent a ridiculously expensive hotel with a spa in the bottom of it or some shit and the girls can hang out there while we're in the meeting," Jared said, looking between you and Gen. “Y/N will only be a phone call away if you need her.”

"Sounds great to me," Gen said.

"Yeah, I think that I can do that," you tell Jared, giving Jensen's hand a squeeze, letting him know you were okay with his decision, and that you were there.

"If this goes as planned, if we get the contract for a 16th season. Our lives are gonna change again dramatically." Jared said, looking at everyone in the room.

"Tell me when they where ever settled?" Jensen said, you could see his mood starting to lighten at the prospect of getting back to work.

Getting up you retrieve a beer for everyone in the room. You were a little scared, and a lot nervous, but the look on Jensen's face as he talked about getting back to work again made it all worth it. Whatever sacrifices were in the future, if you were with him, that's all that mattered.

The smile on his face right now as he talked to Jared about getting everyone back together again was worth everything that could possibly come again.

-------------------------------------

Jensen's POV:

"Yes sir. Mr. Reilly, we are more than excited to work with you all as well," Jensen said, standing and shaking hands with the man sitting across a conference table form Jared, Misha, Robert, Andrew, and Himself.  

The meeting had been a success, everyone agreed to everyone’s terms and needs, they were going to go for the 16th season of supernatural.

Honestly, it was something Jensen thought he had buried, he’d grieved it even, thinking he’d left Dean behind forever, but like he had told the fans of the show when does anything in supernatural ever stay dead?

Jared was convinced that they could easily knock out two more seasons, but Jensen was worried like he was when they had decided it was time to end supernatural in its 15th season. He wanted SPN to end on a high note, and it had in season 15, not though he was worried it wouldn’t be accepted as well as it went out, or when the hype faded it would fade before they could bring it to as close again.

Either way here they were, paperwork signed, plans with agencies, and crews were already in place, writers were being hired.

It was going to happen.

They will start filming next summer, Jensen's idea. Give everyone time to readjust their lives back into Vancouver. Also, it gave the writers a little more time to get their storyline together. It wasn't going to be easy to bring the brothers back. To be honest they were probably going to spend close to a year in Vancouver just preparing to kick off filming and getting the storyline straight.

As they exited the building Jared and Misha were arm and arm, skipping like a bunch of idiots. Robert and Andrew were walking ahead of him, talking excitedly on their phones. Every person that was involved in this show’s lives just changed dramatically.

They seemed excited about it. In a way, so was Jensen, but still, there was that uncertainty...

Supernatural was their life for years, over a decade and a half.

What if this didn't go well?

What if season 16 was a flop?

What if he couldn't do what they asked him to do?

What if he couldn't perform like he used to?

All these uncertainties rolled around in his head as his friends celebrated the whole way back to the hotel, but honestly, Jensen just felt tired.

"Jensen, you and Y/N gonna come to help us celebrate tonight?" Misha asked him. Jensen just rubbed his face tiredly.

"Actually guys, I think I'm gonna sit this one out. I'm pretty tired today," he said, Jared looked at him concerned from the front seat. Everyone else just gave him a look of pity. Man he hated when people looked at him that way now.

"Jay, are you sure you're okay, man?" he asked, trying to read his almost unreadable best friend.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine, just a little tired. I'll be fine once I get some sleep. Y/N and I are probably gonna fly home first thing tomorrow morning," he said, trying to change the subject to anything but where his head was right now.

"Yeah, Gen and I will too. Got a lot to prepare for!" Jared said, turning back around, giving up on trying to figure out what was wrong with Jensen and thinking to himself that he would just ask Y/N later how Jensen was really doing. He usually lets more show around her than he did anyone else and Jared knew that. If something was wrong Y/N hopefully would be able to get it out of him.

Jensen was tired, he wasn't lying, but more than anything he wanted to get back to the hotel room with Y/N. He wanted to get wrapped up with her again, and go into a stress induced coma for the next foreseeable future. The rest he could work out once he made it back home.

One step at a time.

That's just how he had to live his life right now.

Your POV:

Yourself and Gen had spent the day together while the boys were meeting with the network. You had let her talk you into going with her to get your nails done, and now the two of you were sitting in the small coffee shop across from the hotel when your phone rang, and Jensen told you both the good news.

Once you ended the call with Jensen you hurried to get back to the hotel room, waiting on Jensen to get back too.

He didn't seem himself on the phone.

He seemed distant, his voice seemed strained and tired.

Today was just not a good day for him mentally, and you knew it from the moment you both woke up this morning.

He needed to rest.

Even though his physical injuries had basically healed a while ago, his metal wounds hadn't even started to scab over yet. They were still sore and fresh. Too much in one day could cause another episode of panic attacks. He'd been making good progress, and you didn't want him to start to slip.

When Jensen came through the door he gave you a half-hearted smile, slipping his blazer off and throwing it in the chair next to you before kicking his shoes off, and flopping down on the bed next to you. You lay down next to him, start tracing little circles on his back. "You okay handsome?" you ask, he looked at you with a tired expression.

"Yeah, guess I'm not as mentally well as I thought I was. I'm exhausted for some reason," he tells you, scooting over closer to you, wrapping his arms around your waist.

"Stress babe. You can't let it get to you. You know that," you tell him, playing with the buttons on his shirt. He laughs a little at that.

"I'll be fine once we get started. It’s just… I worked so hard on this, gave up a good bit of my life into this show, I'm afraid it won't go very well. If it’s brought back."

You nuzzle your way up to him, giving him as much warmth as you could.

"I know, but don't worry about it. It will all pan out, just enjoy the fact that you guys get to bring it back. Don't worry about things you can't control." A comfortable silence fell between the two of you again. You thought for a moment that he'd fallen asleep until he spoke.

"They're all going to one of the local bars to celebrate, but I didn't really want to go," he says, shifting his weight a little.

"Well, then we don't have to go. There will be plenty of other celebrations and parties I'm sure as you guys start the season's filming."

Secretly you thought he should have gone out with his friends, but you didn’t say anything, you didn’t want to push him.

More silence fell over the room , and Jensen got up off the bed. "Come on, I can't keep doing this. I can't keep hiding where I think I'm safe. The only way I'm going to get past this feeling is to just break off and do it right? Well let's go grab a bite to eat, just you and me, then we'll go down to the bar with everyone else," he says, pulling you into a sitting position.

"You sure that's what you wanna do?" you asked him, eyeing him closely.

He'd never brought you to a restaurant before. You figured because he just didn't want to talk to anyone else right now, but now you could see it.

Anxiety.

He was afraid to be out in public. He was scared.

You didn't even recognize it until right now, and you were already kicking yourself for being so damn blind to it.

"Yeah, I'm sure," he says, pulling you to him, kissing you softly.

You made a mental note to start paying more attention to the little things, and stop passing it off as just Jensen being Jensen, because you were starting to worry just how bad his anxiety was, and if he was trying to cover it up and keep it from you.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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[svtxsoju]

00. prologue | dear miss soju

ღ Synopsis: College is hard. Love is even harder. Good thing the students of Mansae University can write in to Miss Soju, the campus’ very own romance advice columnist! The only problem is she’s never been in a relationship. Ever. There’s no telling what kind of chaos she may cause in the love lives of several of MU’s most eligible bachelors. Too bad no one knows who she really is!  ღ Characters/Pairings: college AU! Seventeen & OC’s, Pairings TBA!  ღ Genre: Romantic Comedy, Slice of Life ღ Warning(s): Mentions of alcohol, underage drinking, mentions of sex, language, bad jokes ღ Word Count: 2.6k words ღ Binu’s Note: hi to anyone who is reading this!!! i’m super excited (and kinda nervous :0) to post this bc i’ve been working on this project for a while now. aaaa i hope there are at least some people who can enjoy it! this is a relatively short-ish chapter but it’s p dense with exposition lol but anyway if ur reading this, thank you i love you!!! 

《 ⊛ Author’s Note & Credits ⊛ Masterlist ⊛ Navigation ⊛ 》

《 Previous ⊛ Next 》

Introducing The Front ’s New Romance Advice Columnist: Miss Soju! 

We all have an ideal: an ideal type, an ideal first date, an ideal relationship. The problem is love isn’t ideal at all. And sooner or later, we find ourselves sitting on that plastic chair in that tent on the side of the road with an ache in our chest. You’re hurt, confused, and kind of going crazy-- all the tell-tale symptoms of heartbreak are there. And the only cure? Soju, of course! 

Finding a decent partner and maintaining a healthy, sustainable relationship is difficult enough as it is. Then layer it with the culture shock of university, where you’re experiencing actual adulthood for the first time without mommy and daddy to hold your hand. It’s enough to make anyone lose their minds! Sure, you could always turn to your friends for support and advice, but in all honesty, they’re even more of a mess than you are. 

That’s why Mansae University’s affiliate newspaper, The Front, will be reviving our romance advice column this fall! Each week, Miss Soju will be answering all your burning questions, and that means all of them. Her expertise touches on topics as simple as explaining to that one guy that your love is fated because you passed each other at Yuhaeng Quad, like three times, and extends to more extreme situations that require an anonymous veil, like how to confess to your new boyfriend with the furry fetish that you’ve been severely allergic to animals since you were three and you have no idea how any animals act, let alone… Yikes. 

It’s true, college is full of new and bizarre experiences, some we must go through and some we’d much rather avoid. Who knows? Maybe you’ll meet the love of your life here. But it’s okay to admit that you need a little guidance through the mystical and confusing world of college dating. Miss Soju has got your back, and she’s not afraid to hit you with that real shit. As she always says, good advice is like taking a shot: sweet on the lips but burns your throat as you swallow it down. 

Monday, June 3rd, 2019 3:07PM

“Jihoon, I don’t know if I can do this.” 

Name: So Joohyun. Major: Journalism major with a minor in communications. Estimated graduation year: 2021. Desired position: World News Journalism Intern. That was what she had put on her application for The Front’s junior internship program. She had made sure to attach her published articles and to emphasize her interest in-- no, her passion for-- reporting compelling stories on an international scale. Not once in her application did she indicate that she was an expert in love or sex, let alone qualified to give others advice on the subjects! In fact, she was probably the least qualified person on campus for this position, which was probably the most perplexing aspect of the whole situation. 

But despite all of that, there she was, sitting in Yuhaeng Quad with her best friend, reading the promo piece she had written for Miss Soju. Jihoon had been ecstatic when he had thought of the nickname back in high school. She had snuck bottles of the alcohol over to his house one night after finals week, and he had drunkenly claimed that the name was doubly clever since So-ju were also the first two syllables in her name. When the newspaper had told her she needed an anonymous pen name, it was the only thing she could think of, mostly because creating a secret identity had made her in desperate need of a drink. She changed her mind. Having a secret identity was equally as perplexing as pretending to know how to spice up people’s sex lives. It was like she was some kind of Love Spiderman. She was not ready for that kind of great power or the great responsibility that came with it!

“‘I don’t know if I can do this’?” Jihoon repeated her words slowly. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say those words in that order. Can I take your picture? I need to commemorate this moment.” 

“Can’t you see that I am having a crisis?” she whined. “The integrity of my career is on the line because I’ve never bothered to go on a date!” 

“When are you not having a crisis?” Jihoon laughed. He sat up from lying down on their picnic tarp to give her full view of his smug grin. Originally, he had dragged Joohyun outside in hopes that the perfect summer weather would help relieve some of her stress from the past week. He even found her favorite spot under the shade of an ancient tree that overlooked the stretch of green field. But Jihoon could not call himself a proper best friend if he passed on an opportunity to rub all of this in her face. “This is what you get for chickening out on all our group blind dates! I could have scored that hot bassist girl with the thigh tattoo, but nooo, you always had to put your career first.” 

“Sue me for having priorities!” she huffed. Leave it to Jihoon to chalk this all up to karma. Now that he mentioned it though, she couldn’t help but feel like a higher power was taking a piss on her life. Or maybe it was just the shit-eating smile on Jihoon’s face that had her on edge. Joohyun tried to avert her focus to a couple of boys tossing a frisbee around instead, but somehow that irked her too. The idyllic weather, the carefree students, everything that was pleasant seemed to mock her sour mood. She pouted at the ground in defeat, and continued, “You are the first person to know that if I was told that dating and fucking around were going to be crucial to my journey to becoming South Korea’s top journalist by the time I turn 25, I would have become a hoe long ago.” 

“Woah, are you gonna start your thot phase for this? Are we gonna have a hot girl summer?” The boy began to bounce excitedly. Joohyun felt it was high time to give him the finger, but she also felt a small smile tugging at her frown. “Easier said than done, though. Remember Jessi from high school?”

“Yeah I remember,” she said with a sigh. High school romance had lured so many of her friends into its clutches, with its enticing promises of sweet chocolates and stuffed animals, and she had helplessly watched from the top of the class as they forsook their grades for boys who didn’t even know what deodorant was. She only shuddered to think of the state of their grades after a nasty break up. It was then that Joohyun had decided that her future was not worth risking over a boy’s attention. “Which is exactly why I never got involved in all that mess in the first place.”

“This must be the gods telling you that it’s time to.”

“What kind of fucked up god sets up a virgin as a love advice columnist?” she asked the sky loudly. If she had known there was anyone listening, she would have insisted that her question was rhetorical and was not in need of any type of response! However, the gods cared not for grammar technicalities on the mortal plane. They just couldn’t resist the chance to respond to someone so openly questioning their decisions with some good ol’ spite. Honestly, with the way things were going for her lately, Joohyun probably should have expected the frisbee flying merrily towards her face, even if she hadn’t just challenge the universe. 

“Oh fuck!” Joohyun jerked out of the way and felt the frisbee thunk against her shoulder instead. “Ow.” At this point, she didn’t even have the capacity to be annoyed; she just braced herself for whatever misfortune life threw at her next. 

“Sorry about that!” A boy called out, jogging up to them. As he came into clearer view, she noted that he looked far from misfortunate, and also had to remind herself that staring was rude even if someone was unnaturally handsome. His features were soft yet striking, like he had been carefully sculpted from cotton candy. Or maybe a fluffy rain cloud? Joohyun shook her head a little as if that would get her to stop staring so shamelessly. She speculated whether it was the sun that made it look like his blond hair was a glowing halo. Okay seriously, stop staring! He gave Joohyun a sweet smile when he reached them. “My friend got a bit distracted. Now that I’m here, I can’t say that I blame him. Hope we didn’t do too much damage!” 

“Uh,” was her captivating reply.  

Jihoon, never one to miss such a ripe opportunity, piped up beside her. “She’ll be fine. This is Joohyun, by the way.” 

His smile widened at Woozi’s introduction, and Joohyun could swear there was an actual twinkle in his eyes. “Nice to meet you both. I’m--”

“Yoon Jeonghan!” They all looked towards the call. The ethereal boy let out a startlingly loud cackle at the sight of his friend, who gave the two strangers a sheepish wave before continuing to gesture for Jeonghan to return. Joohyun must have been put in a staring mood, because she didn’t miss how his friend’s big ears were a shade of pink and how they bloomed into a cherry red when they briefly made eye contact. She caught herself wondering if all the boys at Mansae University were always this cute. 

“I guess I better go,” the boy named Jeonghan shrugged. Joohyun felt his fingers brush against hers when he took the frisbee from her hand, his eyes glinting mischievously. Now she was sure she was seeing things. “See you two around!” 

They both watched him retreat in an awestruck silence. That was certainly… unanticipated. Even long after Jeonghan and his friend were out of sight, the brief encounter left a blanket of fogginess lingering over them. Had she not felt his fingers on hers, Joohyun would have easily believed that it had all been in her head. At the same time, she was pretty sure that she wasn’t bold enough to conjure up someone that looked like that on her own. As she continued to fathom how a human being could glow, Joohyun felt the fog dissipate into the warm summer air. She felt like she was waking up from a disorienting dream, and she blinked to hasten the process. To her growing bewilderment, she found that her heartbeat was steady as she came back to her senses, her mind seemingly devoid of the panic and doubt that had plagued her all week. It was a gasp of fresh air. 

Jihoon, on the other hand, had long broken free from the strong impression that the blond boy made. He noted the dazed look on his best friend’s face and rolled his eyes. Who knew that a pretty boy was all it took to make her shut up a bit? He nudged Joohyun impatiently, so that she could pay attention to him while he roasted her for totally flubbing her chances.  “You thinking of risking it all for that guy?” 

In an instant, Joohyun slammed herself back into reality just to shove Jihoon away from her. “That is so not happening,” she said a little too indignantly. Before Jihoon could reassure her that the guy seemed interested enough even though she had only said a single syllable to him, Joohyun suddenly turned to him very seriously. “Do you really think I  can do it, Jihoon?” 

“What, bang that guy? I can try calling him back here if you want,” he snickered. 

“You know what I mean!”  

“Okay sorry, I couldn’t resist,” Jihoon replied, his grin now melting into a familiar smile, the one that could put her at ease on her lowest days. “I just don’t know why you have to ask. You and I both know that you kick ass at writing. You’ve written about stuff like natural disasters and the student protests, no problem at all. It’s not like you have a PhD in environmental science or politics. How is this any different? ”

Joohyun scrunched her face as if Jihoon had just suggested that chocolate milk came from brown cows. “Dude, they’re completely different. Those articles were reporting on facts. I did research, I conducted interviews!” 

“That’s what I’m saying, Joo!” Jihoon exclaimed suddenly. As smart as she was, he couldn’t help getting a little giddy whenever he thought of a good idea before her. “Why not treat Miss Soju like any other of your other projects? I mean, love is probably one of the most well-documented experiences throughout history, and people are still going through all the same shit. There’s probably thousands of resources for a man simping on a hot chick alone. You can even take your pick, like movies, songs, books, weird couples on Youtube?You don’t need to have experience, because you can just do the research! ” 

“Research?” Joohyun repeated. If there was one thing that she was good at, it was doing the work. From the moment she had decided to become a journalist, everything she had done was a strategic move to get her closer to her end goal. She had spent sleepless nights perfecting the details of her writing, countless hours reading through endless archives of old articles. Hell, she even restricted herself from dating for years just so she could focus on keep her grades up. It was almost too easy of a solution. Maybe she was meant to do this after all.

 Another couple of months of research would simply be another hurdle on her way to the finish line and she was getting closer and closer. Finally, she felt a smile spread across her cheeks, a real, genuine smile. “I… I can do that.” 

“Now that,” Jihoon said as he took her hand in his, pulling her up to her feet, “sounds like So Joohyun. Or should I say Miss Soju?” 

She laughed as she dusted the grass off of her butt. “You know, it’s probably not a good idea to include the first part of my name in my anonymous persona. It makes it so obvious that it’s me.”

“Yeah, I mean it would be obvious if people actually knew who you were in the first place,” Jihoon scoffed, narrowly dodging a kick from her. “That’s a good thing for you! Anyway, let’s get out of here, I have a couple of tweaks to make to my song before releasing it tonight. Could you listen to it by the way? I need to know if it’s too cheesy.” 

“Oh, the song you’re writing about your mystery muse?” Joohyun hummed playfully while packing up their blanket. She followed after her best friend as he began the short climb uphill. “I don’t know if I want to, you’ve been pretty out of pocket today.”

“Hey!” he said defensively. “First: I don’t need a muse for my songs, I just have a very vivid imagination and my talent does the rest. Second: I literally just stopped you from giving up on your lifelong dream of becoming a journalist, so I think you owe me one. You’re just jealous I can write love songs without having an existential crisis.” 

“See, that is what I mean by out of pocket,” she paused for a beat. “I may be willing to listen to your song. For a small price, of course.”

“Okay, deal,” he agreed without hesitation, missing the way Joohyun deviously smirked beside him. They reached the concrete pavement at top of the hill and headed in the direction of his nearby apartment. “What is it this time, Ms. So?” 

“Well Mr. Lee, thanks to your lovely suggestion earlier, I have been inspired to begin work immediately. So we shall be watching Twilight on movie night,” she said all too gleefully, mostly for satisfaction that Jihoon’s twisted face of disgust gave her. 

“Do we have to?” he groaned.

 “It’s for my research!”

[clawtitties]

‘’Liar Liar’’ chapter 2 (currywise x reader sfw)

TRIGGER WARNINGS APPLY TO THIS WORK : ABUSE / EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION, THE ROMANTICIZATION OF SUCH THINGS IS NOT THE INTENT OF THIS WORK WHAT SO EVER. PLEASE STAY SAFE.

Note from Noa :

Here we are with chapter 2 of my very first bigger project! I don’t know if anyone cares at all but I’m gonna keep writing this and publishing it. Mostly because it’s good practice and I enjoy writing :^) Again, don’t roast me for being bad at writing I haven’t done this a lot- haha-

Oh another thing, I know these are really short because my initial goal has been to write around 1000 words per chapter because again I’m not used to writing super long text. I hope I can change that later on though!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

word count : 1057

------------------------------------------------------------------------

You had spent the first weeks crying to yourself and trying to piece together who was who in the contacts list of your cellphone. The weeks after that were spent frantically collecting whatever memorabilia you could find to re-gather yourself- or what was yourself. You gave yourself set rules to follow each day, with steps to try to remember who you were the day before. In case you woke up again with no recollection of your ‘’new self’’, you could somehow piece even that (your name here lol sorry to interrupt continue on) together.

 You started keeping a journal, spending hours every day detailing what happened. It was a whole lot of ‘’not much’’ on a day to day basis, at least in your current situation. You were left alone with your own thoughts- if you could even call them your thoughts. They were the thoughts of who ever owned this body before they lost their mind and became the shell of who they once were.

 It had been a while since you last saw the monster that chased you in the woods, but that didn’t stop your mind from wandering back to that day. Nothing could.

 You went through the pictures on what was presumably your cellphone before the incident. It was a part of your new daily routine at this point, trying to remember faces; your family, friends, coworkers, anyone or anything that seemed important. While haphazardly going through the folders upon folders of images something caught your eye, something familiar.

 ‘’Pennywise?’’

‘’You know it baby!’’

 He was holding some sort of animal and a couple flowers. You couldn’t even tell what the hell the furry thing in his arms was, but you figured it was some fucked up way of showing affection. You stammered out a weak hello and rapidly darted your eyes between the clown’s face and the animal carcass. ‘’P-please take that poor thing outside’’ you whispered with a look of pure terror creeping across your face. If a dead thing was his way of showing affection you didn’t want to do what he could have done to you in the forest. You reluctantly accepted his flowers.

 ‘’Wh- what are you doing here?’’

 Another cigar slipped from his sleeve and he lit it with a flick of his fingers. ‘’I had to check up on you, babydoll’’ he took a long and somehow condescending drag from his cigar. ‘’To see if your little jig is up yet’’ he continued and flashed a crooked smile at you. You couldn’t do anything but stare back at him with pure confusion lacing your eyes. Tears started to swell up.

 He wasn’t going to leave you alone again, was he? You had nothing to prove yourself with. No matter what you did you knew he wouldn’t believe you. He kept staring at you with his piercing blue eyes, anxiety swelling up in your stomach to the point where you felt like you could burst. His gaze darted around your small apartment, paying careful attention to the papers and notebooks scattered around. You never got the chance to clean up after yourself.

 ‘’You’re really taking this whole gag of yours further than I guessed’’ he chuckled while haphazardly flipping through a notebook he found laying on the floor. He let out a condescending huff and dropped the book back into it’s place. You remained silent. If something was certain in your mind it was that nothing you said could convince him.

 Another spiteful drag of his cigar.

 He was visibly getting pissed off now.

 He gripped your chin as gently as he could with a primal rage pooling in his abdomen. ‘’Tell ya what’’ he hissed. The sweet nicknames had dropped what seemed like an eternity ago. You started shaking again, now out of a sick mixture of fear and frustration.

 ‘’I’ll give ya one last chance! Now, tell the truth will ya?’’ his words shattered the last bit of hope you had. You knew nothing about who you once were, you didn’t even quite know who Pennywise was. Thoughts were rushing through your head so fast you couldn’t make any coherent decisions. You needed time. You couldn’t just-

 You spoke.

 ‘’I- I’m sorry Pennywise. I know it was a dumb stunt, I just-’’ you stammered out. Something was screaming inside you; why would you do that, why would you do that, why would you- ‘’I just wanted some attention is all’’ you continued with a gargantuan lump forming in your throat. This would eventually land you in deep shit, but you just needed him to stay. At least you were half speaking the truth, you did need at least some attention. You had been too frightened to answer the phone when your family called to check up on you. You had been alone, so alone.

 ‘’That wasn’t so hard, was it?’’ he began to stroke your hair as he spoke in a kind tone you had never expected from a monstrous clown. You started sobbing, half from relief and half from the dread of lying to a monster that could send you flying across the room with a flick of his fingers.

 He wrapped his arms around you, hushing you as if you were a distressed child. The blood from that poor animal carcass was smearing all over your clothes as he held you in his tender hold. He had carelessly left it laying around at your doorstep, where it would continue to smell like death long after it’s passing.

 You gripped the silky fabric of his costume and let his warmth calm your nerves for the time being, you could deal with this mess later. For now you just needed someone to care about you, even if it means sinking further into your web of lies.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

another note from Noa :

Thank you for once again reading my shit! I had fun with the plot on this chapter and I have a plot twist in mind a few chapters down :^) Again, let me know if you want like a tagged section on these chapters or something!

[foreveralwaysanauthor]

Time to Return

I’m sorry I’ve practically vanished the last few… months. It seems a lot longer, doesn’t it? No excuses from me this time. Life had gotten way too crazy for my liking and I needed to escape from everything. I stopped going online for about a week which turned into just staying to myself and figuring out what I wanted out of life. I began watching some of my favorite movies, especially Marvel, and finally felt like I could relax and be myself for once in a long time.

Along with opening that obsession all over again, I’ve been watching every stream for the Dream SMP (that’s not gonna change, as I’m very much invested lol). I’ve been subbed to Dream since early 2018 and have never missed an update, stream, or video since then. I have a deep love of gaming and even considered ditching writing for becoming a streamer/gamer multiple times. I’m planning on streaming on Twitch once I get my crap together a bit more and can start putting together my pc. I think that would be a fun way to hang out with you and meet new people while playing games. I hope you like Sims and Minecraft haha. Even after I start gaming, I’m definitely going to keep writing no matter what. I mean, who says I can’t have the best of both worlds, right?

Of course, with all of the recent stress about Papa’s health (and recent passing), I hadn’t been thinking much for myself and my mental health. Thankfully, though, I will be using my writing and gaming to be able to get more into life again. That’s what Papa would’ve wanted for me. I’ve been able to relax a bit today and I feel more like myself, so I think the last two weeks of my quarantine/isolation with mom and Papa has been a blessing in a way. 

My life has finally found a rhythm during our little quarantine and I feel like my old self again, which I missed dearly. Even mom and Papa had noticed my attitude toward life become more positive, so I think that’s a good sign. I haven’t published my book as it’s so freaking expensive which made me anxious and depressed again so I’ve decided to wait. In the meantime, I’m writing a new book (so when I publish the first and start selling it, I’ll be prepared with a new one) and I can’t wait to start posting more about it. It’s totally different from what people expect of me. It’s definitely more of a fantasy book than anything I’ve written before and I’m throwing my everything into this book while also trying to write my stories and keep everything else going.

I’m not going to lie and say that I’ll be back to posting super frequently again like nothing ever happened because, in truth, much has changed. Not only has my life changed drastically, I believe my writing style has grown a fair bit and I finally feel like I can be open and honest about that - no more repressing how I want to write. I still plan on writing prompts and extending my little world through this page and my fanfics, but I’m going to start posting little things here and there about this new novel of mine. I feel like I need to share more about it and make it more inclusive as I build this world and its people. I know I can always gain ideas when others talk with me about the things I’m writing, so I’m always open to conversations about it.

Anyway, I just wanted to post this to tell everyone that I am still alive and have been dealing with a lot of change and stress, building myself back up as who I want to be while dealing with everything being thrown at me. I am who I want to be now and will continue to further myself and push myself to be the best version of myself. I’m working really hard on myself and I want to make sure that everything I do, is done well and isn’t going to tear down what I’ve already built up for myself. I plan on editing a new prompt today, so keep an eye out for that.

I hope you guys are alright with everything I’ve written here today, but if you aren’t, I’ll understand all the same. I hope you’re having a great day and I hope you’re doing well mentally, physically, and emotionally. Remember to take care of yourself: drink some water, listen to some of your favorite music, do something that makes you happy, whatever it is that you need to do to make yourself feel alive. I’ll see you guys soon, no doubt about it. I started Broken Record almost six years ago, I’m not quitting writing it now. This is not the end, it’s just the beginning of a new chapter - a new character arc, if you will.

Are you ready? I know I am.

[t100ficrecsblog]

an interview with @queenemori (she/hers)

what are you working on right now? I recently started posting We Don’t Need To Say It, which is a multi-chap Memori actor AU. It’s a slow burn, don’t ask me how I looked at Murphy and Emori and decided to write a slow burn, but it’s what’s happening. I really do mean slow, the chapter I just finished writing is only the beginning of the angst, you’ve been warned. My beta tells me she hates me at least once a chapter if you want an idea of how angsty this is gonna get. I started out writing for Bellarke in this fandom, and I’ll be going back to that later this summer. Anyone who follows me knows I’m obsessed with Emma, and I have an Emma Bellarke AU that’s in the outlining stages currently. I’m hoping to work on it more once I get further into this Memori fic.

what’s something you’d like to write one day? The fic I’m working on now is actually the thing that I was like, “I want to write that one day”. I love actor AUs and I wanted to write one for some fandom at some point, and in January I got this idea, but I was working on other stuff, so I was like, well maybe I’ll write it this summer. And now I am! Though I would like to write something featuring dad!Murphy in the near future.

what is the fanwork you’re most proud of? It’s actually one I haven’t published yet! I participated in Bellarke Big Bang this year, and I wrote a soulmates rom-com fic. I’m excited to share it soon once we get the go-ahead, and the artist I got to work with @clarkeindra has made some amazing art to go with it! For ones that you can actually go physically read, I will say You’re Already Breaking My Heart. It was my first fic I wrote for t100 fandom, and also the first thing I wrote after a really long time of just not writing anything, so I’m proud of it for getting me back into something I love and I’m glad that other people seemed to enjoy it. It’s what got me more into this fandom in the first place and how I made some of my first friends.

why did you first start writing fic? I got more into writing around the time I started college, though I always used to write little stories. There were a few times I almost wrote fanfic before then, like the time I almost wrote a Glee fic in ninth grade, or the time my junior year of high school where I almost wrote a Downton Abbey fic where Sybil and Branson were pen pals while Sybil was on her nurses course in season 2. But the summer before college, I wanted to write, and didn’t have any ideas for characters, but I had just read a really amazing next-gen Harry Potter fic called “Potters, Weasleys, and Misguided Snogging” which made me ship Scorpius Malfoy and Lily Luna Potter, or Scorily. So I started writing a couple stories specifically for that ship, back when I still used FF.net. It was just a one-shot and a multi-chap I never finished, but it was fun to interact with people and get to hear what they liked about the story and that they hoped I continued it, so I guess I caught the fic writing bug then.

what frustrates you most about fic writing? I wish people would leave more kudos. I’ve had this discussion with some friends before where they’re like, “What makes you leave kudos on a fic?” and I leave kudos on most fics I read, so it’s very interesting to hear people say they don’t do that as liberally as I do. If I made it to the end of the story, I’m probably going to leave kudos. The writer kept me engaged long enough to get to the end, which I think is worthy of showing some sort of support, even if I don’t leave a comment. Though I am trying to get better about leaving comments more often. Kudos are a very low stakes way to show you like a story that someone put out. Afraid to comment, but want to show the author you enjoyed reading? Leave kudos. A couple of stories I have out have gotten a fair amount of hits, but the amount of kudos in comparison to the amount of people who have probably opened it is a little disheartening. I’ve also heard people say they don’t want to leave kudos on stories that have been out for a while, but I love to get kudos on my old work! It’s fun to see that people are still reading things I put out in like 2017 or even just last year. Kudos brighten my day just as much as comments do sometimes, especially when I know not everyone feels comfortable leaving a comment!

what are your top five songs right now? The answer to this is 98% always related to what I’m listening to when I’m working on a certain writing project lol.

Sweet by Cigarettes After Sex Heartbreak Weather by Niall Horan I Will Follow You into the Dark by Death Cab for Cutie Bye-Bye Darling by Borns Fire for You by Cannons

what are your inspirations? Red, White & Royal Blue, since I read that recently. It honestly just made me want to write a movie, and I kind of hope that whatever TV or movie adaptation it ends up getting in the future I’m able to work on. I want to be a screenwriter, so I tend to get inspired by TV a lot. The Mindy Project, Insecure, and even Never Have I Ever are big inspirations for me. Or more like, anything that Issa Rae or Mindy Kaling are involved in, to be honest. I write a lot of modern AUs, so just anything that shows good relationship progression or has fun with mundane, everyday situations.

what first attracted you to Memori? what attracts you now? So fun fact, I stopped watching the show for a bit. I binged basically two seasons in a weekend while visiting a friend in like 2017, and I enjoyed it, but I wasn’t obsessed? Then I started s3 and a bunch of characters were getting on my nerves so I put it down for a while. Then I was on Tumblr at the beginning of 2019 and saw a gifset from 3x05 of Murphy and Emori kissing and I was kind of like, “That guy’s still alive? And he has a girlfriend?” So I started watching again, legit only because I was shook Murphy had survived lol. So the thing that first attracted me to them was just the fact that they were a couple at all, I guess. I’d say now that I’ve rewatched the show and seen their relationship develop, I love that these are two people who have always had to fend for themselves and kind of had that “me against the world” mentality. And then they find this other person that cares about them and wants to take care of them, and life becomes a lot less lonely. Also now we get to see their relationship after years together, so they’re very domestic, which adds this lovely sense of normalcy on this post-apocalyptic sci-fi show that I absolutely adore. Their interactions especially in s7 just read as a married couple who are very comfortable with each other, but still incredibly devoted to one another and in love.

Besides Memori, what character or pairing do you like best on t100? For ships, I also really like Bellarke. When I was more casually watching the first time around, I didn’t have much of an opinion on them/didn’t really ship it until season 4, but ever since then I’ve been on board. It’s very clear I’m a huge Memori person, but I do ship Murven, though mainly in AU settings. And Memoraven are my OT3!! My other fave character is Bellamy. And I feel like Gabriel has also quickly become a favorite for me. It’s definitely a mixture of his confused, but obsessed with science vibe on the show and the fact that he has been very fun to write in my actor AU when he makes appearances every so often.

why did you decide to start writing for bellarkefic-for-blm? Ever since I’ve been home due to the pandemic, writing has kind of been my escape. Weirdly enough, I’ve written so much (both fic and some real life stuff), even though I’m still working and everything like that. And when the BLM movement was getting a lot of traction specifically in our fandom spaces, I was immediately skeptical of people’s intentions because as a Black person in America specifically I’ve seen this happen before where all the attention is on this issue for a couple weeks and then everyone goes back to posting what they normally post about. And I guess this time things are a bit different, but the thing that began to frustrate me was seeing people shame others for saying they were going to watch the next episode of the show or for working on their fanfic. Fandom spaces have been my biggest escape from the news since March and while I was glad people were focusing on this sort of thing, I kind of hated the way people were making it out to be like this was a new issue when in reality it’s just my life. When I close my laptop and go out into the world, I’m still Black. I had considered opening my ask box up for prompts in exchange for someone donating to a bail fund or something like that, especially since I had just reached a follower milestone, but when I saw that Sam was organizing this and it was going to be an ongoing thing rather than just for a certain period of time, it was heartening to see someone realizing that this isn’t something we can just stop talking about even when the media moves on. The structure of these prompts makes it so that a person has to do a bit of research on BLM and educate themselves or confront the issue in a way they might not have had to before. And it gives me a chance to write things like my fluffy Memori wedding fic ! It’s a way to have my little fandom escape and also stay aware of what’s going on in the real world.

what’s your writing process like (esp for prompts, chopped!, etc)? I LOVE outlines! The Virgo in me loves to talk about my fic outlining process lol. With some short one-shots, I tend to just go in with a sentence or concept that I write at the top of the document and just write and see where that takes me. I also put at the top of the document all the things I want to tag it as when I go to post to AO3, so I don’t have to spend too much time thinking of those when it’s time to post. With multi-chap fics, I first make an ideas dump document which is just me typing out a bunch of thoughts, things like who’s in it, the premise, stuff like that. My actor AU has three preliminary documents: My ideas dump, the actual outline, and then the outline for what happens on each season of the TV show the characters are all on, since I reference those plot points a lot. For things like Chopped or prompts I receive, I do a mixture of the outline/ideas dump in one document. I put at the top all the information I received (so with prompts I tend to just copy/paste the ask from my inbox, and for Chopped the different tropes and theme), then think about what characters I want to use if it wasn’t specified, then kind of do bullet points on what happens in the story. These have all been really helpful in terms of keeping me on track, but I make sure to remind myself that things can change as I write and take a different direction than I expected. So my outlines are constantly changing, but the general idea is already written somewhere so I don’t get too stuck.

what are your thoughts on dad!murphy? The concept of dad!Murphy has really been living rent-free in my brain since before the beginning of season 7. I just kind of love the idea of Murphy (who is a character at first glance I feel like people don’t picture as much of a father figure) kind of falling into being a dad in an unexpected way, and then realizing how much he loves it. It’s just such a sweet thought, and I talked about it so much with some of my friends, that we started a Dad!Murphy Enthusiast Club server on discord (we’re always accepting members so DM me if you’d like to join us!). We just kind of talk about our dad!Murphy headcanons, share fics featuring dad!Murphy, and then get excited when people make new dad!Murphy content. It’s a fun time and though I am a very large Memori, I’m a multi-shipper at heart, and Murphy is one of those characters that I find easy to ship with a lot of people, so we love dad!Murphy in all forms!

what are some things you’d like to recommend?  This is a mix of Bellarke and Memori stuff, since that’s what I mainly read.

Literally everything @mobi-on-a-mission writes, but if I must get specific, then Revive and The Cockroach. 

Almost Paradise (We’re Knocking On Heaven’s Door)  by @nakey-cats-take-bathsss , 13 hours by Kats_watermelon, feat. by Debate, and of course, my comfort fic so i sing a song of love  by twilightstargazer.

The best place to find @queenemori is here on Tumblr. You can find her ao3 here. Request a fic written by her via @bellarkefic-for-blm.

[jjkfire]

hello, do u have an estimate of when the new chapter of sweet saccharine will be published?🥺

haha uhhh i honestly can’t give you a date, sorry! do join the sweet saccharine tag list if you haven’t already so i can tag y’all whenever i post it. but realistically, try me will be updated before sweet saccharine, so.... there’s that haha. if you haven’t seen it, you can go to the bottom of this post to see a preview of the next SS chapter.

i’m gonna put the full reason as to why i am taking so long to write anything... tldr is that i’m just doing a ton of different things atm! but you can read the full story down below

I'll be honest and say that my writing has been sitting on the back burner for some time. i get in a few 100 or so words here and there but I haven't dedicated like a full day to writing in a while. the truth is, I'm really so busy at work!!! and this working from home thing has my work schedule all messed up. it just feels like my work day is stretched because I can't focus so I end up working for a much longer time 😔

also i feel like I have to learn 501 things to keep up with my job but you guys know me haha I love to learn anyway so it's all good but it's just that it eats into my writing time.

and 🤪 I know you guys are tired of hearing me say this but I've really doubled down on learning how to trade and invest. and before you scroll away, no it’s not a scam. warren buffett built his fortune through investing. and i just really want some of you to know that you can generate income with investing so please please please take advantage of it. of course i’m not going to be as rich as warren buffett lmfao but it's a really nice hobby that pays me and writing unfortunately doesn't. like... I love writing! it's amazing!! but it's just the amount of time put in versus the money I get from it is like zero... which is totally fine lol I don't think people want to pay for my writing anyway HAHA and yes, yes, not everything has to be about making money. but i so so so hope at least like one person here followed my advice and invested in that crash in March (my posts were on feb 29 and march 15th respectively and the market hit the lowest point for the year on march 23rd). i literally put my money where my mouth is and bought when i said to buy.

i bought shares of square (ticker: $SQ) at 45 dollars in March and it is 142 dollars today (as of writing, August 13th). meaning I made 97 dollars from one share alone. and if i sell it tomorrow even minus tax it's like give or take 86 dollars profit. all this from just clicking buy. if you can buy one bts concert ticket worth 300 bucks, and considering the concert was cancelled this year, you could’ve bought 6 shares of square with that money and you’ll be 510 dollars richer today. or if you’d rather buy a company you’re more familiar with, had you bought one Apple share at 230 in march and you sold today at 459 dollars, you would have made, minus tax about 201 dollars. (and tesla was 361 dollars in March and it’s 1620 dollars today... yeah that’s NOT a typo). anyway these returns are soooo much more than what your bank is giving you. your bank gives you next to nothing. let me be generous and say right now (since they have severely cut interest rates) they give you 1.8% interest... if you put 300 dollars in the bank, you will accumulate 5.4 dollars in interest at the end of a one-year period....... versus $270 to buy 6 shares of square and then $510 profit if you sold today. do you see what i’m saying???? (you can also do paper trading first if you are scared. meaning use pretend money but it will follow real market prices so you can see how you fare in the market). I'm digressing from your question but!!! financial independence, we want it.

so if I can get just one of you to care about personal finance or investing, my life is made. it’s never too late (unless you are close to retiring then you should think hard about it) and never too early to start. i started in my senior year of college and that’s only because i’m not American and had to get a ssn. if you’re american.... and you have money that you know won’t severely affect you if you lose it, I highly suggest learning about investing. but, make sure you have a solid personal finance foundation too. the tldr is pay off high interest debt, track your expenses in excel or mint or whatever just track it so you can see where you’re wasting money and where you can cut back, take advantage of cash back on credit cards, never pay your credit card bills late, have a 3-6 month emergency fund set up, and then finally learn how to invest. once you do that, if you really want to you can graduate to learning how to trade options. which i do! and this means on top of what i make from investing, i make a few extra bucks every week.

[anything i said is not financial advice. as in don’t go out and buy square right now just because i talked about it. i’m asking you guys to learn about investing. do your due diligence about the companies. do you believe in them? do you think they’ll be here in 10 years? are you planning to invest in the company long term or you have an exit price where you want to cash out quick profit? do you want to do a bogleheads 3 fund portfolio? are you someone who wants to put your money in individual stocks or put your money into an all encompassing etf like VOO or SPY? it’s a tried and true method and investing in an etf on average over a 20 year period gets you more money than stock pickers or some hedge funds and definitely your bank as it returns about 7% on average every year. just learn!!! it’s not as complicated as it seems i swear]

anyway, that is the long winded answer on why i haven’t written in so long.... but please learn about investing please please please please. if you’re american you have so much more at your disposal aka your roth IRA account (you don’t have to pay taxes on your gains if you invest with this account but you can only take out the principal amount. after you are 59 and a half you can take out everything at zero tax cost) and also your 401k (if your company offers it and is doing matching, take the match PLEASE). you might get a second chance at investing at discounted prices again if the fed ever lets the market collapse in some sense lol but i think they will prop it till the election at least. anyway a financial crisis appears every give or take 10 years. also as long as you do dollar cost averaging, you should be fine. think if you bought at all time highs mid feb this year then held your stocks, bought some more when the market went through the shitter in march... then as of writing, right now, you’ll still be making profit if you sold. On August 13th, SPY (an etf that tracks the S&P500) literally closed two dollars shy from the all time high which was in mid to late feb of this year. so uhhh if it isn’t already clear, please learn to invest. whether you wanna enter the market now or wait till post election is completely up to you but PLEASE LEARN. idk if any of you ever read my financial rambles till the end but if you have questions you can message me and i can always direct you to the appropriate resources. i can show you all the videos and articles and posts i’ve read to date. don’t wait to start learning. you can learn and then wait to invest but whatever the case is, if you already have the knowledge you’ll be ready whenever there’s a good chance to invest. okay????? 

[wild-aloof-rebel]

Hi Leslie, just curious what your approach is to reading fic just on a regular basis. Do you just go on AO3 and read each one as they are posted? Do you not read certain ones? Do you read only certain tags? I've been reading fic very casually in various fandoms for a while, but with all this downtime with this quarantine, I wanted to start reading more heavily/frequently but was kind of overwhelmed with how to approach that.

while i’ve got some straightforward answers to your questions, i feel like it’s important to note first that there might be some fundamental differences in our approaches just based on what you’re trying to read. in my case, schitt’s creek is currently the only fandom for which i really read fic, and so i find keeping up with all of it pretty manageable since it’s a fairly small fandom. there are still fewer than 3k fics for sc on ao3, whereas my previous fandom is up over 118k fics now--i would have never tried to “keep up” with that one the way i am here. i did still read a lot then, but i certainly was a lot more selective about what i read both because i had to be in order to have time for literally anything else and because it’s a luxury afforded by the sheer amount of content. anyway, my point is, if you’re trying to read things for lots of fandoms or even just one or two that are bigger than this, my approach to reading may not be all that helpful to you.

but as far as reading sc fic goes, i don’t stick to particular tags; i read just about everything in the sc fandom tag. there are certainly some fics that i’ll skip because i know just from the tags or whatever that they’re not for me, but i def read the overwhelming majority of what’s published. there are a few things that i think help with that.

first, i read regularly, which in my case is typically each night in bed or sometimes in the mornings when i wake up. it’s a lot easier to keep up if you sit down to 5 or 10 new fics each day and not to 50 of them once a week. there are def times i fall behind and then it gets overwhelming to try to catch up again, so i just try not to let that happen very often. so i think finding some kind of routine that works for you is a good place to start.

in that same vein, knowing what works for you as far as general reading habits also helps. like i know that i personally cannot keep track of wip fics. if i read a chapter of one and then go read other things, by the time i come back to that wip, i have forgotten almost all of what i’ve read. which means i have to read it all again before i can read the new chapter. for some fics i’ll make the effort to do that, especially if it’s kind of a slow period where i’m all caught up and don’t have much else new to read, but in general it means i wait until fics are completed before i read them so that i don’t “waste” time re-reading things over and over again each time there’s an update. but that’s just something i know about how my brain works. maybe you can only concentrate on reading for 10 mins before you get distracted and find yourself staring at the screen without really taking anything in. maybe you read best if there’s music on in the background. or total silence. whatever works best for you, lean into it. 

additionally, skimming and speed reading are your friends. there are certainly plenty of fics where i want to read them slowly and savor every last word, but not every fic is that way of course. so if you start a fic and it’s just not grabbing your attention in that particular way, read it fast and/or skim through to read the highlights, and then move on. honestly i think some fics are more enjoyable this way, when you don’t let yourself get bogged down in the things you don’t love. as a non-fic example, someone once bought me the entire series of sookie stackhouse novels, and i started reading them and discovered that charlaine harris’s writing style makes me want to claw my own eyes out. however, the stories themselves were largely enjoyable (to be clear, we’re talking trashy southern vampire novels here and not Great Literature, so obv setting your expectations in the right place is also part of enjoying it lol). so instead of reading every word of the books and torturing myself over every single stylistic choice that made me want to scream, i just flew right threw them, slowing down for the parts that really captured my attention and breezing through the rest. it made for a much more pleasurable experience than trying to force myself to look at every last word on the page.

along with that, don’t be afraid to close out of fics you’re not enjoying. i’m forever a completionist and have thus always felt the need to finish fics (and books, movies, video games, whatever) that i start, even if i’m not enjoying it, but at some point along the way i forced myself to start letting that go. the world isn’t gonna end if you don’t power through the rest of a story you’re not enjoying. just close the tab and use your limited free time to read something you actually enjoy instead.

last but not least, curate your experience by making good use of ao3′s search filters. if there are things you absolutely know you don’t want to read, make it part of your ao3 search, and then bookmark it so that you can come straight back to it every time you want new fics to read. for instance, if you know for a fact you don’t ever want to read anything with major character death in it, use ao3′s filters to exclude it so that you don’t even see it in your list of results. it’ll keep you from accidentally reading things you know you won’t like and give you at least a bit fewer results so that the number of fics you haven’t read yet is just a tiny bit less overwhelming.

[taylorlearnsjapanese]

How did/do I learn vocabulary?

How did/do I learn vocabulary?

This is a question I’m asked quite often and I usually have a different answer each time. The reason is because I have no set way I learn vocabulary. This post will focus entirely on my experience and journey with vocabulary. Grammar will be a topic for another day. ;)

In my opinion, there is no set way to learn vocabulary. I can’t stare at lists and lists of words and suddenly they’re memorized, but I have! I can’t use flash cards because they take too much time, but I have! Kind of see where I’m going with this? I’m the perfect example of an informal or unstructured learner/studier. 

I am a lazy learner. THE LAZIEST. I’m all for fast and easy ways to learn without so much as lifting a finger. Insane, right? Totally. Extremely insane for a beginner like I was. Butttttt, I did it though. Was it smart? Probably not. Did it work? Well… kinda?

I also want to point out that I’ve never studied Japanese in a classroom setting nor have I had tutors to teach me. 

Okay, what I did:

I started learning Japanese on June 11, 2018. I’m going to list the resources I’ve done roughly up to this point in time that this is posted. 

Please don’t take my views on the apps and resources listed as final say. Everyone learns differently and I suggest you try all of these resources out! Things that don’t work for me, may work for you and vice versa.

DuoLingo. It was the only app I really knew of that was credible. I drilled the crap out of that app! That’s how I got my foundations in kana, my first words, and first kanji! 

DuoLingo is good in some ways, but bad in others. It’s perfect for repetition and getting you to think about those words over and over. But that’s also why it’s bad. Each step makes you go through like, what?, four or five tiers or whatever they’re called? By the time you reach that fourth of fifth tier, it’s just annoying to do that pattern over and over again before you can move on. This is just my opinion though, some people thrive off of that. Don’t knock it till you try it, ‘kay? I’ve heard the app has changed some since summer of 2018, so I’ll have to check it out again. 

LingoDeer. Gosh, I love LingoDeer. I really need to use it more. It is the best app ever to introduce you to grammar when you have no idea where to start. 

Workbooks. I got my first workbooks (not textbooks) at the end of June 2018 (I had been learning for roughly 3 weeks by that time). It was Learning Japanese Hiragana and Katakana and Learning Japanese Kanji Volumes 1 and 2, all published by Tuttle. As I worked through the kana book I managed to learn many vocabulary terms from the exercises in the back with the writing exercises (all spelled in hiragana and katakana, there is no kanji in that workbook). I tried and dabbled lightly in the Kanji Vol 1 book, but I wasn’t ready for that just yet back then.

I ONLY used those resources until the end of August 2018 and added Memrise too my list of apps during that time. I gained A LOT of vocabulary knowledge (and some basic grammar but that’s a post for another day) just from using three apps and a kana workbook over two and a half months. 

It was nothing fancy like some people tend to think? I didn’t somehow learn all these words over night.

Textbooks. Genki 1 and it’s workbook was my first ever textbook. This is one of the most widely known textbooks out there for learning Japanese from scratch. Most people know how vocabulary works for that resource. Each chapter introduces vocab and you learn it as you study the grammar and do the exercises.

Um, so, I’m gonna be honest for a second. I HATE TEXTBOOKS. I hate them with a fiery passion. *clenches fist* I stopped using Genki after completing half of the book because I felt like I learned nothing. It just wasn’t the resource for me.

At this point you’re staring hard at your phone, tablet, or computer like WHAT? Yeah… I didn’t hate them at first!! But because of my laziness and informal learning style, I grew to haaaate them. Textbooks are too “cookie cutter” in my opinion. But Taylor, don’t you use one right now? Yes, and let me explainnnnnn. I find that textbooks don’t give you freedom to expand! 

Remember when I asked on Instagram what were some things you’d like me to discuss or talk more about? One user messaged me and wrote,

“How [do] you apply grammar and vocabulary? Because I try to come up with sentences on my own then look up examples of its usage but I continuously use the same type of examples. But when I look at other example there is so much vocab and other grammar structures that go into play that I don’t understand, so it’s hard for me to find a balance that will make me push myself but also know that I can decently understand…”

That’s EXACTLY what I struggled with, with Genki! Textbooks only provide examples for that lesson and the grammar it teaches at that point. So you only know those words (and grammar) in those contexts only. You try to make your own sentences but you end up only using those words and those grammar points over and over. 

There’s simply no opportunity to expand.

Then when you look up other examples you see other new words (and grammar) and it freaks you out because suddenly you don’t feel like you’ve learned anything! This is the e x a c t reason I hate textbooks. 

My answer? For me, I don’t depend on textbooks anymore for vocabulary. They’re amazing for referencing vocabulary and pulling grammar structures, but textbooks only give a limited amount of vocabulary and if that’s all your rely on when learning grammar, it’s going to be rough. It stagnated my learning when I did that. 

When I make my own sentences now, I pull vocab I've been learning from apps, social media, reading, etc. I could go on and on about this, but that’s not the point of this post. I’ll discuss my more of my hatred for textbooks later. Same with grammar and how I make my examples and such. I’ve already gone off on a tangent long enough, hehe. (I hope that answered the above question though! If not, I hope future posts will! Or just message me, lol.) 

Other textbooks I have used after Genki for vocabulary gain is Basic Japanese by Tuttle and the にほんご90日 series.

YouTube. Japanese Ammo with Misa is my love. I love her videos and her personality. Her teaching style is relaxed, but she gets the job done. She has a wide variety of grammar videos along with lots of other videos related to Japanese and Japan.

After my downfall with Genki 1 and some discouragement that led to a nearly three months hiatus of studying, I started using her videos to get the grammar knowledge I needed in January 2019 (I have been learning (counting the hiatus) for about 6 months at this point). 

It’s the perfect things for a lazy learner like me, hehe. I could sit down at my desk and watch one of her videos (they can be anywhere from 8 to 40 minutes long) and watch, pause, and rewind as much as I wanted to write notes with ease. I was learning the grammar I needed to know and learned SO MUCH VOCABULARY. 

She uses common words you find in textbooks, but she also throws in culturally relevant words. She references Pokemon, manga, TV/anime, music, etc, vocabulary all the time! She even teaches the informal/casual variations of words along with formal/polite variations and that’s where I gain so, so, so much vocab! I still use and reference those videos to this day!

PRESENT DAY:

Okay, I just explained what I did to start learning vocabulary from the beginning to about ~5 months ago. I rambled a lot, I know… But did you kind of see the point I was hoping to make? I did not stick to one resource for learning vocabulary (and kanji). 

I didn’t not, nor do I still, learn vocabulary in a “traditional” way. There is no one way to learn everything you need to know. Over that course of time I learn about ~35-40% of my current vocabulary knowledge. Wait… Taylor… You learned ~35-40% of your vocabulary over the course of 10 months, but you’ve learned the other ~60-65% in less than 5 months? Yes, and I’ll explain below~~~

What I mainly use now, app wise, to gain vocabulary knowledge is Memrise, Quizlet (rarely though), Kanji Tree, and LingoDeer. I even use Instagram to learn new vocab too! I follow users who teach vocabulary (and grammar) with their posts. Yes, you will see lots of repeated terms but that’s exposure and review! 

Here are some profiles I really like for introducing vocabulary (new or review): boxofmanga, japanesepod101 (Instagram infographics only), japanese_language_mlc, j_aipon, blue_aoi, and _urabanashi_. 

I also suggest you find native Japanese Instagram users. Not just celebrities or idols. I mean average natives who use Instagram the same way we use our private accounts. I follow larger profiles (500+ followers) for the fact that I don’t want to be a creep and follow someone who only has like 100 or 200 followers. So, I follow some “mommy blog” Instagram's because they tend to use simpler vocabulary when referring to their kids. I also follow some book reviewers, writers, and one guy who loves camping! You get to see lots of natural Japanese this way and it shows common words that are used. I don’t understand a lot of it, but I’m being exposed to the language!

And by now you’re asking, “Okay, but how do you learn vocabulary NOW?” I’m going into N4 if you’re going to look at this from a JLPT stand point, but I don’t only learn strictly N5, N4, N3, etc level material. (That’ll be another post too, lol. Pssst… it’s another “cookie cutter” issue with me.)

Well, those apps mentioned above, obviously, but those only make up about ~30% of my vocabulary gain now. I use my textbook にほんご９０日 Vol 1 as a reference and gain some vocabulary there and I have a couple JLPT related vocab/kanji lists I use too, so that’s like another ~5% of where I get my vocab. 

I get the other ~65% from reading. Yup. Reading. Literally that’s it. I read all the time. That’s one of the reasons I wanted to learn Japanese! 

I have a short story digital bundle I read often from TheJapanShop.com and it’s aimed at beginners and becomes “harder” as you move to the next book and so on. I read through them and when my brain sees a word I know I’m like, “Cool.” But when I don’t know a word I see, I either look it up quick and write it in the margin or I continue on. I learn a lot through context clues. 

Here’s an example sentence from Story Two in Book One of the Japanese Reader Collection offered from TheJapanShop.com. 

「この傘は、雨が降るといつのまにか傘が���き、晴れると傘が閉じている…」

Roughly translated to “This umbrella opened unnoticed when it began raining and upon it becoming sunny the umbrella closed…”

When I read that sentence, I knew all the vocabulary except いつのまにか. The stories have lovely vocabulary guides, so when I looked it up, it said that it meant “before one knows; while unaware” and I took what I knew from the rest of the sentence and managed to learn that new word as a result! This is the best way I could explain how I use reading to expand my vocabulary… ^_^” Just taking what you know and expanding on it over time. I use this same method for grammar, but that’s saved for another post, lol.

I also use NHK New Web Easy to read articles about current events in Japan. It’s set up for native elementary and middle school students so they can read within the kanji and vocabulary they’ve learned so far in life. Guess what? That’s PERFECT for a language learner who has an okay-ish foundation with vocabulary. I learn so much everyday vocabulary that way.

Lastly, I read books and manga. Yup, manga. I don’t use these resources much right now because they’re bigger and more intimidating. I haven’t “officially” started a book but I’ve opened and read passages quite often to sort of test myself. Manga is simpler since there are fewer words than a novel, but they’re bigger than a short story or a news article. You’ve seen on Instagram that I’ve begun reading よつばと！ and so far I’m having a blast! I’ll talk about specific things I’m reading later.

Sooooo…. That’s basically it.

Most of my vocabulary gain now is through exposure to Japanese through social media (bless the internet), reading, and some usage of apps like Memrise and LingoDeer. I use no formal education or study plans or any structure at all. 

My word retention grew to be nearly double these last ~5 months because I built on what I knew and it grew easier and easier for me to learn and retain those words over these last few months. I never believed it, but there is definitely a language hump. Once you crawl over that, things simply become easier. It just takes A LOT of time and effort (and tears) to get over that hump. But, I believe anyone can do it, you just have to be determined and eager enough.

One tip I like to give is to learn through context. Don’t just learn lists of words and kanji. What’s the point? You can recite them, but can you USE them?

Oh, quick thing, I want to point out about how I personally learn vocabulary. I failed to realize this right away when I started learning Japanese, but quickly caught on and now hold onto this belief firmly.

I learn vocabulary and kanji together. 

I do not separate the two. I do not have a separate notebooks for vocabulary and kanji. I don’t even have a notebook at all actually for them, lol. When I post on Instagram that I’m focusing on kanji today, it means I’m just learning vocabulary or reviewing it. The 1026字の正しい書き方 book I use that teaches “kanji” is mainly for vocabulary expansion and how to write those kanji (stroke order). I don’t study the individual meanings of the kanji character, I study the example words it lists. That’s one way on how I’ve been expanding my vocabulary so rapidly.

Kanji is vocabulary. 

Kanji should be treated the exact same way that hiragana and katakana are treated in my opinion. Jokingly, kanji is just fancy kana. ;)

If you “fear” kanji, you’ll have a bad time. I joke and say now when I see an insane kanji or a difficult one, “Damn, that’s some angry squiggles right there.” and it makes learning it that much more enjoyable. :)

For example, 食 means “eat, food.” Okay, cool that kanji has a food related meaning. But I’m not going to do that for thousands of kanji especially since each kanji has multiple readings depending on how it’s used. It’s simply impossible! I found I personally learn better when I learn the kanji in it’s “true” form, aka, in WORDS. 

食べる - to eat / 食べ物 - food / 食事 - meal / 朝食 - breakfast / etc.

Holy crap, not only did I learn the kanji 食 effectively, I learned four words and THREE other kanji! (I’m over dramatic, I know, lol.)

Vocabulary is all interconnected. You can’t learn one thing without stumbling and learning other things by accident. Learning through exposure is the best in my opinion. It’ll be tough to begin with when you don’t know much and it will cause you to doubt yourself and your ability to learn this language. But, just be patient. Learning five, three, or even one word a day is progress.

Small progress eventually builds up to big progress as Yuta says. ;)

Words are meant to be strung together and form sentences for you to read, enjoy, and react to. That’s why books exist. You read those words and sentences and they make you feel warm and fuzzy or cry or laugh. Don’t keep them at an arm's length and treat it like it’s some delicate flower. Language is a not just lists of words, kanji, and grammar points. It’s a culture and way of life for people. Treat it like an old friend and play with it (or go get a beer with it, ya know, whatever gets this point across, lol)!

I tend to treat language learning like I’m a curious five year old. I’m constantly asking questions and discovering new things and it just sparks that fire that makes you want to explore more and more. 

I don’t take it seriously (from an academic view) and that’s why I find some stuff so easy. It only becomes difficult if you make it difficult. Everyone learns differently. There is no one way to learn Japanese and there is no one way to learn specific parts of Japanese. Also, don’t compare yourself! It only ends in self doubt and discouragement. 

Explore and try out all sorts of things. Try out the free apps, read articles online, watch YouTube videos, just do SOMETHING. Don’t look for the “perfect” resource or routine. Just. STUDY. You’ll find in time what works for you and what doesn’t.

Language learning is no race. There is no ribbon or trophy at the end for becoming fluent overnight. Take your time and enjoy the process, you’ll be learning your whole life, ‘kay?

I’ll talk further on how I review it in another post. :)

[bonsaiiiiiii]

FabFiveFeb 2020 - Virgil

Prompt 1, 2, 3, 4 - Hard, Yesterday, "I'm trying!" and Shimmer

THIS FIC IS DIVIDED IN 2 PARTS. PART 2 IS BEING POSTED JUST AFTER THIS. TUMBLR WON'T LET ME POST THE ENTIRE FIC

(I took this part from my original story, Dust, which should be published in a few weeks more or less {too busy with exams}. rereading this chapter I thought it would be a fabulous fic to display, also because it has many of the prompts inside. I know, major spoiler for when the fic will be out, but this chapter will be out so far in time that you will forget about it! [Lol I hope] I hope you like it! Prompts given by the amazing @gumnut-logic ♡)

"Where am I?" and "Who am I?" are the two questions that have been ringing most frequently in my head since I arrived here. Here, though, where? Where exactly is 'Here'?

I don’t know how I got here, and the weirdest thing is, I don’t even remember my name anymore. The man who took me always refers to me as Alice.

Alice. What a beautiful name! But I don’t remember it being mine..

Of course, the man never told me his name; he keeps telling me that I would have remembered it and that I would have recognized him if my memory had gone back, if it ever happened. For some strange reason, he was pretty sure I’d never get my memory back.

So all I did was spend eight months in this dark cell, trying to remember every detail of my life.

Yeah, I’ve been here eight months. The only thing that’s changed with my body is a concussion to my head, a scar on my forehead, and my belly was growing out of all proportion every month that went by; yeah, I’m pregnant with a baby, but I have no idea what sex it has and if it's still okay. The man who kidnapped me refuses to let me do a medical check-up.

The only thing I know for sure is that the man told me that I was already 1 month pregnant before he kidnapped me and carried me into the bowels of the earth.

If I think about it, it makes sense. It’s true that I woke up in the cell, but I don’t remember being passed out that long. I don’t know how I know this, but I’ve been unconscious, alas asleep, for a short period of time, like the time of a surgery.

The man doesn’t seem to want to hurt me, or at least that’s what I think. I’ve been stuck here for 8 months and I’ve only seen him twice. The first time was when I arrived here; I remember just waking up, remembering nothing of my past in the cell. I remember looking up and seeing him right in front of my eyes. We just looked at each other, also because I was very confused and he didn’t speak, his mouth was reduced to a very thin line. If I had the gift to go back in time, I would have cried.

The second time he came down was five months later, after me complaining all the time.

He came down to my cell, simply explaining the reason for my kidnapping: he practically locked me here because he simply wanted to take me away from the family I was with, as a sign of revenge against them.

When I asked him why he was so mad at them, he turned around and just said, "They took something of mine."

I said outraged, "So if they took something of yours, you have to do something as bad as kidnapping a pregnant woman? Can’t you get over it? I’m sure this family isn’t even looking for me!"

Only when my anger vanished I realized that I told him that I was pregnant. I shut my mouth with a hand in horror.

To my answer he smiled at me, but it seemed more like a melancholy smile rather than the evil one he wanted to let out.

"Believe me, they’re looking for you. And I won’t let them find you."

With that phrase, he went up those stone stairs that I’ve been seeing for eight months, blocking my cell again. He hasn’t been around since.

So now I just lay on the little bed in my cell, holding my belly and stroking it with my hands, with the comfort of the silence and the ticking of a clock in the distance, which marked 13 o'clock in the afternoon. Lunch time, Yee.

Ever since I told the man I was pregnant, he’s had a bed brought down, and he brings me more food than he gave me before. I’m almost treated like a queen, and it’s a little ironic considering the situation I’m in right now. Even if I’m treated like this, he insists on not letting me out, not even for trivial things like taking a bath. I mean, Ugh! I’ve been washing myself with sink water for 8 months straight, do me a favor! But for some reason, I never had the courage to ask him.

But, as I was saying before, he brings me more and more food as time goes on. He also brings a lot of water to drink. Maybe he doesn’t want me to starve to death or die from malaria? Maybe he needs me alive, or at least he needs me just until the baby’s born. Will he kill me when the baby is born? Or..

As if it had intercepted my thoughts, the little one began to kick into my belly.

"Hey, calm down, baby, I swear I won’t think about that anymore. As long as I’m here, no one will hurt you, I promise."

But the little guy wasn’t of my idea, maybe he doesn’t have the calm genes in his DNA.

It was when I heard contractions that I opened my eyes wide.

"No, hey, listen, you can’t be born now. Please, wait. Wait till Mom gets out of here, which I hope is soon."

I started breathing small and fast because of the pain, puffing like a locomotive.

Then I was filled with fear. The primitive fear that they would take my baby away from me, or that they would kill me, so that he would be left without parents. The little guy never met his father, he never had the pleasure of feeling the caress of a different hand from me and the warmth that that hand conveyed, and the words of comfort of his father. I may have known him, but I can’t remember him anymore; if I’m killed, he’ll be alone. It didn’t even occur to me that they could kill my baby. If that had happened, I don’t know what I would have done.

At that moment I heard the sound of the blinded door above opening, making a female figure appear from the darkness wrapped in a sort of purple armor. I remember her. She was one of the people I met with the man who kidnapped me and another man, maybe her brother.

I don’t know much about her, only that she calls herself Havoc, and that her brother is called Fuse; they both always turn to the kidnapping man with the term Boss, so they work for him.

Since I was kidnapped they have been charged with bringing me food and drink, more often after the 5th°month. And in fact, she had come down with a chicken sandwich in her hand and a bottle of water, but she suddenly widened her eyes when she saw the puddle of amniotic fluid that had formed on the ground.

Shit, my water just broke! No, baby, I told you to wait! Not now!

Havoc gave me a look that I could clearly not decipher, something halfway between the concerned and the softened. Strange, it was the first time I saw her so...vulnerable.

After a second she went out, coming back upstairs. A second later she came back with the man.

"So, you’re going to give birth, huh? Congratulations!"

I was shaking from the pain, the breath coming out of my lungs, leaving me breathless. "Please." I sincerely watched him whispering, ".. Please don’t take him away from me. Don’t kill him. I’ll do whatever you want."

"This is very interesting. I could get you to do a lot of things, but of all the bad things I do, I’m actually very loyal to the family, so you can go."

I widened my eyes. "What..?" then I thought about it. If he wants me to leave so easily..

Like he was reading my mind, he just looked at me.

"Now I’m sure no one’s looking for you anymore, you can leave, and they won’t even know if you died anywhere. Well, they don’t know that on principle. I’m gonna leave your cell bars wide open, and I’m gonna open the blinded door upstairs, so you can leave whenever you feel more comfortable to do so. Remember that I can always find you anytime if I want to."

And with those words he made a gesture with his hand to call out Havoc and went out with her. Like he said, he left the bars and the blinded door wide open.

I was about to get up, when he turned to the first step, stopping on the stairs.

"Ah, I forgot. Try to wear something heavy, it’s snowing outside."

I looked at my clothes. I was wearing the same skinny jeans and long-sleeved T-shirt I was wearing since the first time in this cell.

He also looked at my outfit, and then threw me a long-sleeved dress and a wool sweater. Then he disappeared upstairs again. I didn’t waste any time and tried to get dressed, barely putting on the dress. Fortunately the sweater was very wide and, even with my belly, it reached my knees. That was very easy to put on.

As I was slowly climbing the large stone stairs leading to the armored door, I did some calculations in my mind. I distinctly remember that when I was kidnapped eight months ago, the man wished me a Merry Christmas, so it was December when I was taken away from the world. If 8 months have passed now, we should be in the middle of August, if not towards the end. So why is it snowing? Has it been much longer than I’ve counted?

I finally got to the big door that I could only see from my cell until recently, wide open to a big hallway. The pain of labor made my head spin uncontrollably, but I tried to bear it as I headed into a very long hallway.

I also managed to pass the very long corridor, finding myself in front of a little door like those that are at the entrance of every house. Considering that the door was wet to the touch, and being able to feel the cold permeating from outside, I felt that was the famous exit door that I had been dreaming about for 8 months. I shrugged myself, taking courage, and opened the door to the outside world.

I managed to get out, and I have to admit it’s too comforting to breathe the air from the outside, even though it's too cold. The man was right, it had just finished snowing, the inch of snow that had formed a white curtain on the ground was still fresh.

I could look around, as much as the pain would allow me, and I realized I was in the middle of a little city. I could hear the chatter of people passing by me, the sound of the horns of the various cars passing on the street, the lights of the signs near me flashing; the wind, which made my blonde hair dance slightly, I could feel it on my face, it almost tickled me. For a moment I forgot the pain I felt in that moment, watching everything around me.

I looked at the store signs, written in a language I couldn’t quite understand, and a billboard, alone between the little stores. The poster drew my attention: it represented 5 figures, 5 guys, all in a blue suit.

"Thunderbirds...meet and greet here in Iceland on August 30th." Fortunately this poster was written in English. So I am in Iceland.

Strangely enough, even that name, those Thunderbirds, they rang a bell inside my head, causing a distant memory, a voice, inside my head. A voice that whispered 'I love you'...

Suddenly the pain that I forgot came back to bother me and take my breath away. I tried to stop a few people for help, to get them to take me to a hospital, but none of the people I stopped could understand English, not even I could understand their language.

So I walked alone to some building that could even remotely represent a hospital or a medical practice, but I involuntarily left the city, finding myself on a desolate path, lined only by a road.

The pain was too intense, so I retreated behind a bush, kneeling.

And giving birth in the snow.

[violetnuisance]

Eep need an opinion- I highkey want to post some of my writing on Ao3, but I'm scared to- Like I dunno bow to start and only one person reads it help- ~🌸

Yes, you should post your works, flower anon!!! I’m just gonna be safe rather than sorry and assume you don’t have an account yet. So lemme explain how to “get started.”

1. Ao3 or Wattpad?

A lot of people discredit Wattpad but underneath the outer layer of young teen cringe, it’s actually a decent platform. People can make inline comments within your chapters to react to a certain part of your story which I think is really neat. Trying to find fics on Wattpad is kind of a mosh pit. You just fall down a rabbit hole that has no clear organizational pattern whatsoever. Despite that hellhole, if your fic is decently written, it’ll get attention from the fandom. I usually get a lot more interaction from my Wattpad readers than my Ao3 ones.

Personally, I still prefer Ao3. While I don’t get as many comments, the set up is a lot cleaner. I know that as long as I label my fic with the fandom it’s in, people will be able to clearly find it. Whereas Wattpad is one gigantic mosh pit. Since you personally mentioned ao3, I’m gonna give a lil more info on that.

2. Starting ao3

Well, you’re gonna wanna create an account. Since ao3 is completely operated by nornal joes and not a corporate entity, once you apply for an account, you’ll receive it in a couple days to a week or so. I think I got mine in two days. It wasn’t that long. Truth be told, I dunno much about setting up the actual account. I still don’t even have a pfp, and I just learned how to subscribe to authors lol.

3. Publishing a fic

I highly recommend you write something up in google docs or word and then paste it into the platform. But after you have the first part written and you give it a nice title and summary, it’s time to caregorize it. Categorizing it will draw more attention to it then the prior two aforementioned ever will. My summary’s suck and I always rely on tags. Prime example: Wait a Minute

We love just quoting song lyrics. But lemme break it up a lil.

Fandom/Pairing: just plug these bitches in. This is what most people are gonna search for and how most will find ur fic

Tags: okay so lemme tell u, I don’t take tags that seriously. Just chug in a few about what your story is. If it’s a slow burn, put that, and whatnot. But also use non official tags. Sometimes ppl just click wgen a tag bewilders them or makes them laugh. Under the table is a great example of this bullshittery.

Used to have more interaction on it before I deleted and reposted 😪

Rating: So besides tags, people can narrow their search results by choosing a certain rating. So try ya best to rate accordingly. Ao3 has a great lil explanation of each rating. If someone’s searching for only Explicit fics, they not gonna want to see one of just Sal and Ash playing tic tac toe. Twister on the other hand...

4. Wrapping Up

Idk I can’t remember anything else. High key I’m just a bumbling idiot who got lucky. When I posted Wait A Minute, it was before Sally face fanfics started heavily coming in. Since it was one of the first, it obviously got more traction. If I had posted it later, it’d probably just be lost in the sea of fics with gaping plot holes.

BUT I WILL READ UR FIC OVER BEFORE YOU POST IT IF YOU WANT??? But forewarning, I take beta reading seriously. I litter the documents people send with suggestions or concerns or whatever in the comments. So if ya don’t want that but would still like another pair of eyes on it, just tell me. I’ll still read it, but bite my tongue.

But honestly, you should post. Fandoms always need new content creators.

Also forgive me for typos, but I’m not reading over this before posting

[peterjakes]

My Mad Fat Diary Fanfic - The Two Months

So, I've never actually published any of my work online so it's all very new to me. I thought I'd just give a quick introduction because I'm not sure if I'm ready to post the first chapter yet. A few years ago, I was really missing MMFD and the fandom. I read some beautiful fics over the years and was involved with some roleplay writing on Tumblr (lol I know) but it got me thinking about writing some MMFD based pieces. I loved the show and Rae Earl's real diaries really stuck with me. I've always been an avid writer and finally buckled up the courage to start writing again. I hope anyone who reads this really enjoys it. Lots of love xox  

Also published on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20154688/chapters/47748523#workskin

Chapter 1: Passing The Time 

Archie hadn’t been feeling himself lately. He didn’t know what was wrong, not really. Everything was fine at college - he was getting straight A’s as usual; the gang was all back together and he’d finally come out to everyone. But there was something nagging at the back of his mind. It was like he still he had his little secret. It was like there was something he didn’t want everyone to find out.

Bumping into Chop was perfect. It gave him a distraction. And Chop’s solution to anyone feeling slightly down was to drink. And today, Archie didn’t care about how bad it was for you or how he was slowly running out of money. Especially after quitting his job at the leisure centre (which was mainly to do with this random stress and panic attacks Archie was experiencing).

Archie left his house at a quarter to; he fancied a walk - maybe it would help him calm down a little and collect his thoughts. He knew he couldn’t be acting like this in front of Chop. Archie loved Chop, but it wasn’t like it was with Finn. He and Finn had been friends since primary school. It was like they had a special bond, something that no one else could touch. Chop, on the other hand, crashed into their lives during secondary. He’d always been this chilled out, cool, easy-going lad who loved to party. That was what made him so great, you could just forget all of your worries and have a laugh with him. You never had to be serious. But he’d always be there for you if you did.

As Archie approached the Black Swan, he noticed some of the lads from college - not particularly friendly ones either. He noticed that after coming-out, people did act differently towards him. Some of it was actually really positive, people seemed to think he was brave and that it was cool he could be himself. It gave others another chance to take the piss. But Archie wasn’t in the mood for that right now. Once the lads standing outside the pub doors noticed him, they started to smile but Archie just pushed passed them. The first thing he saw was Chop’s brilliant, goofy smile, so he headed over.

Chop had been living the high life. Unlike the rest of the gang, he didn’t go to college meaning he could be living it up. That was only when he was off work, mind. But that didn’t seem to bother him, he was always up for a laugh and a pint. Recently they’d been so much shit and drama with everyone (which made him glad he left college at the start), that he just wanted things to go back to normal. like they were during the summer last year. When he bumped into Archie, looking pretty down in the dumps actually, he knew it was a great time to grab a beer with his mate. Chop had a lot of mates. He was what you’d call a people pleaser. Those dickhead lads from college, the ones giving Archie a hard time, well, Chop didn’t wanna muck it all up. He had a pretty good set up, but he knew what they were saying and doing was wrong. Archie was one of his best mates and he should never have let it got so far. He’d been a right tosser, to be frank. This drink would be perfect to make sure everything was alright between the two. He was sure it would be; I mean Chop doesn’t go around kissing all of his mates.

Chop walked towards the pub, taking in the sunshine. His tan was slowly coming back and he couldn’t wait for the summer. The summer with the gang was always great. Heading out to the pubs, house parties, more sexy parties - the lot! He walked through the doors, greeted the lad behind the bar with his cheeky smile and got two pints in. He found the usual spot the gang located and sat down. He kept checking his watch and straightening out his tracksuit bottoms like he was trying to impress someone. Archie may seem like a bit of a toff, but Chop didn’t get why he was acting so nervous. Chop couldn’t be more relieved when Archie walked through the door, even if he was looking rather flustered. He smiled and signalled him over, pointing out he’d got the first round it.

“‘ere he is!” Chop patted Archie on the back as his friend slipped into his seat. “I’ve missed you lad”, he pointed his finger towards Archie and smiled. He just wanted everything to be normal and the best way to do that was to put on his cheeky, chappy front. “It feels like I haven’t seen you properly, in ages! What ‘ya been up ta?” Archie chuckled at how happy Chop was. That was one of the great things about Chop; he always seems so happy and if he wasn’t, he’d find a way to make that so. Archie wouldn’t say he was a sad person, but after everything that happened, he was finding it hard to be happy all the time. Maybe he was just stressed. This was his last summer in Stamford before he left for uni. It was a scary thought. Or maybe he’d just become overwhelmed with the past few weeks and it had finally toppled him. Whatever the case, a pint with Chop would always do you good.

“Alright? Yeah, I know mate, I think everyone’s just needed a bit of space, you know.” Archie paused, mulling over what to say next. What to say without initiating a situation. “A lots happened.” He glanced down at his glass, took a quick swig of the drink and looked Chop straight in the eyes. He could see his friend looking down, at his half-empty glass, as if he wanted to say something but was too embarrassed. “But I think everything is gonna be alright now, right? Just need the gang to be back together and it’ll be cool. It’ll be great, yeah?” Archie was trying to reassure himself as much as he was Chop. Everything was gonna be alright.

“Nah, that’s fair! We all need that sometimes. ‘ya know what I need space from? Those fucking cars and the lads at the garage - right bunch of twats. I tell ya it’s doing my fucking head in right now.” Chop brushed his hand on the back of his head. Like so many young boys, he did this when he was nervous which wasn’t often. But recently, Chop was getting nervous around his mates more often than not, which scared him a little. “You lot are full of fucking drama I tell ya. But whatever. All water under the bridge, right?”

Chop noticed Archie looking at him, he knew exactly what he was thinking but didn’t want to bring everything up again. He thought everything was sweet but maybe that wasn’t the case.

“Come on Arch, what ya worrying for? I know… we need something big for all for us to do, ya know. Just us 6 mind.” He furrowed his brows, trying to think of a good idea. “I know I plead to no more sexy parties, even though I host the best ones in Lincolnshire”, he winked at his friend, trying to build a more comfortable atmosphere between them, “but, you cannot deny meh to host one last one. Just the gang, eh? ‘ows that sound bud?”

Archie raised his eyebrows at Chop’s remark about the garage. He always thought Chop loved his job. Archie could never do it, but he’d always thought each to their own. Chop always seemed happy with his lot.

“Nah, everything’s fine. Think when we don’t see everyone, it gets me worried. But yeah.” He gave his friend a reassuring smile, to signal everything was good between them. Then Chop mentioned parties. And not just a normal party but the legendary sexy parties. Archie couldn’t help but laugh at his friend. “Sexy party?” He questions him and chugged back his drink. “You know Chopper, that’s the best idea you’ve had in ages. Gotta make it a good'un though.”

“Yes, lad! That’s the spirit. This is gonna be the sexy party of all parties. The ultimate! I promise ya!” Chop couldn’t hide his excitement, he banged his fist on the table, scaring a few of the regulars. He laid back into the booth, giving his friend one of his legendary goofy smiles. He knew this was how the gang would get back on track. Yeah, everyone had their own stuff going on but that didn’t mean they couldn’t find time for each other. It didn’t mean that they couldn’t work and help each other out in their time in need. “We’ll ‘ave it at mine! It’s a bit shabby, but ya know it’ll be great! Ya know, I’m pretty good at these ideas.” He winked at Archie and finished his drink. “I’ll get another pint, but you can get the next, ‘lright?” He laughed at himself as he walked up to the bar.

“Imma hold you to that Chop!” Archie smirked at himself and watched his friend walk towards the bar. Not surprisingly, Archie’s mood had improved considerably since meeting with Chop. He knew this party wasn’t gonna solve everything, which Chop would be sad to hear, but it would be a start. And Archie was actually looking forward to it. Chop was right. This was gonna bring everyone back together. Maybe they’d all get drunk and forget their worries. Maybe they’d get really deep and actually talk about everything that had happened. Whatever the case turned out to be, Archie was gonna enjoy himself and not think too much. Something he was prone to do. He glanced up to see Chop walking towards him, with two more pints. His friend passed him and they both cheers each other. Chop seemed to be glad that Archie was in a better mood, thinking it was down to him. Which it could be said, it was.

“So, what have you got planned for this party then?”

Archie was actually showing a real interest in Chop’s plans, which excited Chop. The two boys were very different, and their friendship didn’t seem the most likely. When they all met, it was Finn who seemed like a buffer. He was almost a mix of the two. But since then, Chop and Archie had grown in themselves but also as friends.

“Now that is the question Arch! I ain’t saying I dunno the plan yet, but don’t ‘ya worry ‘cos I will! It’ll be a chance for ‘ya to finally get laid, eh?” Chop chuckled nervously, unsure whether the joke was too far. When a small smile crept from Archie’s mouth, like it couldn’t help but escape, he knew it wasn’t a touchy subject. “But, er …I wanted to ask ‘ya summat.” Chop paused, gearing up to ask Archie. He did feel like he was prying, mainly because Archie hadn’t shared a lot about his love-life since coming out, mainly because of the way Chop had reacted which he felt badly for. But they were friends and he wanted to show an interest. It was no different than talking to Finn about Rae, or vice-versa.

“Did anything ‘appen with you and Barney? ‘ya know, at the last party? Like, looking back on it now, knowing what we know, ‘ya seemed pretty ‘appy and I dunno Barney…you seemed to get on.” Chop bowed his head. He didn’t know how to come out with, not properly and he felt ashamed. Ashamed that he couldn’t just ask his best mate straight out. There was nothing wrong with asking, Archie was sure to be happy that Chop actually cared but somehow Chop just couldn’t.

Getting laid had been on Archie’s mind a lot recently. He’d done some stuff, obviously, with guys and girls, the latter being something not particularly enjoyable. But he’d never gone… the whole way. He’d wanted to, of course, he did, but given the fact he hadn’t come out that long ago, he hadn’t really had the chance to freely look for the right guy. He’d never really spoken to Chop about his love-life, only before, which was whenever Archie was gone for a few days (busy with studying or work), Chop would ask about who the girl was keeping him so busy. But that was as far as it went. But now, well Chop had every right to ask about guys, it’s just what people did. But up until recently, he could only confine in Rae, so this was all very new.

“A lot’s happened since then, Chop.” He laughed at his own comment; he couldn’t have been righter. “There’s been…other lads, ya know. But…” He thought to himself for a minute, that night after Barney kissed him during spin-the-bottle, he spent basically all night with him. They just chatted, about basically everything. Barney had hung out with the gang a little before, he was friendlier with Chop and Finn, but that night something just clicked between them and Archie couldn’t help himself get interested. Barney was funny, knew how to tell a good story and not a bad kisser. It was just nice, especially during that time as Archie was so bloody confused about everything concerning his sexuality. But nothing happened, not really. They never kissed again, just spent the night together. But it allowed him to realise that, yes, he did like guys and that was all thanks to Barney. Afterward, he never really spoke about it to anyone. He and Barney stayed friends, but nothing ever happened. Archie sometimes wondered what would have happened if it did. Barney was quite a flirtatious person, so he was hard to read, and Archie didn’t want to go exposing himself back then. But now, well he was a free agent, but that was months ago and well…

He could see Chop hanging on to his word, so he coughed and allowed Barney to escape his mind.

“Nah, ha, he’s a good laugh but nothing. Just because you finally realised Izzy was the one during the game, doesn’t mean the rest of us found the love of our life, ya know.”

As soon as Chop asked, he wished he hadn’t. Not that he didn’t want to know, but he could see Archie thinking about what had happened that night and Chop didn’t want to hash it all back up. It was Archie’s business and yeah, he was his mate, but he didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable. Chop could tell there was something more, he didn’t think Archie was holding anything back but... he could tell Archie liked Barney and maybe...but nah.

“Right, sorry mate. I didn’t wanna pry, ya know. It’s your business. I just...wondered ‘cos... well you’re me mate and I just want ya to be ‘appy.” Chop forced a weak smile. That was true, he did want Archie to be happy, not just with his sexuality but in general. The whole reason he suggested going to the pub was because Archie was looking pretty down.

The mention of Izzy made Chop blush a little. He’d been so oblivious to her, but once he got her it was the best thing he could have done. They were good, really good now. The past few weeks had been tough, but they understood each other better now. Yeah, Izzy shouldn’t have kissed that Peter tosser. But Chop should have been a better mate to Archie. They’d both made mistakes but realised it just in time to save their relationship.

“Yeah, well I was being a fucking idiot, wasn’t I? It all worked out though, eh? For all of us.”

Archie smiled at Chop’s apparent concern. Happy. Yeah, Archie wanted to be happy; he wanted everyone to be happy, but the problem was finding how to get to that point. He knew it was possible. He hadn’t been completely unhappy, definitely not, but he wouldn’t say he was happy. Happier, yeah.

The only time Chop ever tended to blush was when he was talking about Izzy, he was so besotted it was ridiculous. Them getting back together was probably a turning point in the gang. They were always so positive and kind, when everything fell apart between them, between Finn and Rae, with Chloe going missing, it was like Archie was all alone in the world with no one to turn to. Pretty dramatic but the truth.

“Well I won’t deny that mate. Everything’s cool now though.” Archie gave his friend a smile, a proper one this time.

The two boys spent the rest of their evening reminiscing about the past year and drinking as much as they could until Archie couldn’t take anymore.