#so i wonder why everyone forgets that jc was the only one who ever actually got struck by the discipline whip

[nixster627]

In MDZS, after seeing Lan Wangji's scars, Wei Wuxian mentions that he had never been struck with a discipline whip before, but Jiang Cheng had. This is interesting to ke because, as far as I remember, it never gets mentioned again (granted I am still on volume 1 of my reread). What do you think he would have been struck with a discipline whip for?

[bloody-bee-tea]

JC Love Month 2020 Day 12

Ego and Inflexibility

Day 12 of JC Love Month brings some more Lan Qiren feelings, who is most definitely fed up with JFM's shitty parenting and he is so over it that he forgets all of his manners. It's exactly what Jiang Cheng deserves.

Jiang Cheng isn’t sure what they are waiting for—in front of Lan Qiren’s personal quarters no less—but Jin Ling is inside and so Jiang Cheng waits, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji right by his side.

“Do you know what this is about?” Wei Wuxian asks him suddenly, clearly fed up with waiting already. “A-Yuan is inside, too, but he wouldn’t say what’s going on.”

“Same with Jin Ling,” Jiang Cheng says with a sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose.

He would accuse the juniors of shenanigans, but Lan Qiren is involved, so clearly it cannot be that bad. He would have told them to stop otherwise, Jiang Cheng is sure of that.

Lan Wangji doesn’t actually contribute anything to the conversation but Jiang Cheng gets the distinct impression that he’s not liking this, either, but then the door opens and the juniors and Lan Qiren step out.

“What is going on here?” Jiang Cheng asks and keeps his gaze on Jin Ling, because he’s bound to break first under his glare.

“I told them not to do it,” is the first thing Jin Ling says, and he does seem strangely guilty, but then Lan Sizhui speaks up and Jiang Cheng turns his attention to him.

“So, here’s the thing,” Lan Sizhui starts, clearly nervous and when he can’t seem to find his words, it’s Lan Jingyi who speaks up.

“We brought back your dad for you,” he says and when Ouyang Zizhen elbows him in the side he let’s out a pained noise.

“We brought Jiang Fengmian back for you,” Ouyang Zizhen clarifies and Jiang Cheng’s mood plummets faster than it has in years.

“Why the hell would you do that?” he demands to know and Lan Jingyi waves his hands at him.

“We didn’t actually bring him back,” he tries to reassure them. “We just called his spirit here and gave it a more solid form, so you can talk to him for the day. Uncle Qiren made sure we did all of it correctly.”

“Uncle,” Lan Wangji chastises him, way too mildly if anyone were to ask Jiang Cheng, but Lan Qiren only strokes his beard.

“There’s some catharsis to be found in this, I am certain,” he says and Jiang Cheng takes a deep breath.

He doubts catharsis is the thing they will find here, but it seems like no one cares about his opinion.

“Uncle Fengmian is back?” Wei Wuxian says and he sounds doubtful, but Jiang Cheng knows him well enough to hear the hope in his voice.

“For the day,” Lan Sizhui says. “You always talk so fondly of him, and we thought it would be good for you to talk to him again. And Sect Leader Jiang, he’s your father, we thought you’d like to speak to him, too.”

“I told them they were being stupid,” Jin Ling grumbles and Jiang Cheng has to bite back a small smile.

“We already caught him up on all major events, so you can jump straight in,” Lan Jingyi says excitedly and now Jiang Cheng is glad that Lan Qiren was there all along, because at least like this Jiang Fengmian got the right version of events.

“Fine, let’s do this, it’s not like we’re getting out of this,” Jiang Cheng says with a sigh and starts to walk up to the room, when Wei Wuxian stops him.

“Are you sure you’re alright with this?” he lowly asks, and even though they are still mending their relationship, it’s nice to see that they still understand each other like this.

“No,” Jiang Cheng answers honestly but with a shrug. “But there’s nothing to be done about it now, is there? I’m not actually so unfilial as to leave a ghost hanging,” he says and it startles a laugh out of Wei Wuxian just like he hoped.

“Alright, let’s go,” Wei Wuxian suddenly cheerfully says, and leads the way into the room.

Jiang Cheng is surprised to notice how much he forgot about his father in the past twenty years and it’s like a punch to the gut to see him again, unchanged and untouched by time.

Well, being dead will do that to you, Jiang Cheng guesses.

“Uncle Fengmian,” Wei Wuxian yells once inside the room and Jiang Fengmian looks Wei Wuxian up and down with a smile.

“You really do have a new body,” he says, as if Lan Qiren would lie to him about that. “But you’re still unmistakably my A-Ying,” he then adds and Jiang Cheng chooses that moment to step into his sight as well.

“Jiang Cheng,” his father says, looking him up and down much more critical than he had Wei Wuxian. “The spitting image of your mother I see.”

“Thankfully,” Jiang Cheng bites out and sits down, ready to get this over with as soon as possible.

There’s a very small part of him that hopes that he interpreted his father’s actions and words in his childhood wrong, but with how this started, Jiang Cheng knows it’s a foolish hope.

His father is exactly like he remembered him.

“Why are you not wearing purple, A-Ying?” Jiang Fengmian asks Wei Wuxian who throws a love sick look at Lan Wangji.

“Because I’m no longer a disciple of Yunmeng Jiang,” he answers, and while it still stings, they are making their way back to that.

Wei Wuxian forgot Chengqing in his old room last time he visited Lotus Pier and Jiang Cheng dares to hope that it means something.

“And why is that?” Jiang Fengmian asks, sending a sharp look at Jiang Cheng.

“Because I married Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian cheerfully says—too cheerfully, if you ask Jiang Cheng—and he throws himself at his husband who catches him easily.

“I see,” Jiang Fengmian says with a small smile. “What a wonderful match.”

“It is,” Wei Wuxian agrees and then Jiang Fengmian turns to Jiang Cheng.

“Are you married?” he asks and Jiang Cheng shakes his head, expecting the sour look on his father’s face.

“I never quite found the time for it,” Jiang Cheng easily says because he long stopped being bothered by that fact.

“Ah, yes, I heard about what happened,” Jiang Fengmian gives back and turns his attention back to Wei Wuxian.

“You invented a new cultivation style. I am very proud of you,” he says and Jiang Cheng can’t help the snort he lets out at that.

“Do you have something to say to that, Jiang Cheng?” Jiang Fengmian demands to know and Jiang Cheng clicks his tongue.

“His new cultivation style killed over three thousand people before it eventually claimed his own life. I’m not sure that’s something to be proud of,” Jiang Cheng says, with an apologetic look to Wei Wuxian, who nods along.

“Yeah, it cost too much. It’s not actually something good, you know,” Wei Wuxian agrees but Jiang Fengmian shakes his head.

“But you did it because you gave your core to Jiang Cheng and didn’t have another choice, right? I’d say that’s a sign of true strength.”

“Wow,” Jin Ling mutters behind Jiang Cheng and Jiang Cheng is inclined to agree with him.

“And you lost your core in a reckless move, did you not?” Jiang Fengmian asks Jiang Cheng next and by now everyone in the room seems uncomfortable, even Lan Wangji.

Jiang Cheng has to give it to his father, he has quite the talent.

“Clearly,” Jiang Cheng bitterly says, but he does feel vindicated when he realizes that his father is just as bad as he was in his memory.

“What did you do while A-Ying learned to master his new life and got a family on top of that?” Jiang Fengmian asks and by now everyone in the room is holding their breath.

“You mean what did I do while Wei Wuxian was dead?” Jiang Cheng corrects him and then goes on without actually letting Jiang Fengmian speak. “I was building Lotus Pier back up, that was completely destroyed in the attack,” Jiang Cheng says, and he says it with pride, too, because he managed to do what people thought was impossible. “I raised my nephew and brought my Sect to greatness again.”

“By taking in everyone you could find,” Jiang Fengmian spits out. “Being a Jiang disciple used to mean something, once upon a time. And now look at who you are taking in. I hear your right hand used to be a servant.”

“As your right hand used to be, if I remember correctly,” Jiang Cheng sharply says and Jiang Fengmian’s eyes apologetically dart to Wei Wuxian, who is clenching his hands on his thighs.

“Listen, father, I don’t know what you remember, but when you and mother died, so did the majority of our people. Thousands of disciples were killed that day. They didn’t even spare the kids, did you know that? There wasn’t all that much left, after the Wens were done.”

“Still, you should have kept some priorities.”

“My priority was to rebuild my home,” Jiang Cheng shoots back but he knows that it’s futile.

It doesn’t matter what he says to his father, it won’t make a difference, because he is not Wei Wuxian.

“And yet you couldn’t even protect your family,” Jiang Fengmian bites out. “Yanli died, and for what?”

“For protecting Wei Wuxian, so really, shouldn’t you be proud of her?” Jiang Cheng says and Wei Wuxian makes a wounded sound next to him.

“It was my fault,” Wei Wuxian lowly admits. “I lost control and everyone wanted to kill me, and shijie only died because she tried to protect me.”

“Like family should,” Jiang Fengmian says and Jiang Cheng had enough of this.

“I think we’re done here,” Jiang Cheng says and it’s clear that Jiang Fengmian wants to say more to him, but it’s surprisingly enough not his voice that rings out.

“Sit back down,” Lan Qiren orders him and Jiang Cheng is surprised enough to simply do it.

“Wei Wuxian, do you have something to say?” Lan Qiren asks Wei Wuxian, voice softer than Jiang Cheng remembers ever hearing it, and Wei Wuxian nods so vigorously that his hair flies.

“You are a shitty father,” Wei Wuxian says then and Jiang Cheng sits down more firmly, because that he has to hear.

“Wei Ying!” Jiang Fengmian admonishes him but Wei Wuxian clearly doesn’t care.

“No, you are! Jiang Cheng survived a war! You died in the first wave of attacks and he survived all of them and he led a destroyed Sect to boot. He was thrust into the position as Sect Leader so young, but he did it, and he did it more than well. And he didn’t survive just one war, he survived my armies of undead as well.”

“You would have never hurt him,” Jiang Fengmian defends Wei Wuxian, even now, and Jiang Cheng huffs out a bitter breath.

“I would have,” Wei Wuxian argues and makes a grimace at Jiang Cheng, clearly apologizing for that. “I lost control, much earlier than people think, and there was nothing I wouldn’t have done. And I died for my sins.”

“But you did the impossible and came back,” Jiang Fengmian says and Wei Wuxian glares at him.

“I am back because poor Mo Xuanyu was harassed so much that he thought suicide would be better than living on. I was summoned back as a vicious spirit. There is nothing admirable about that,” Wei Wuxian vehemently says but Jiang Fengmian doesn’t seem like he is very much interested in how  Wei Wuxian is not the amazing guy he still seems to believe he is.

“Still,” Jiang Fengmian says and looks back at Jiang Cheng. “You don’t seem any closer to understanding the Sect motto than you were when I was still alive,” he says, and Wei Wuxian’s eyes flash red.

Jiang Cheng doesn’t actually want him to attack his father, even though it would be quite the sight to behold, but before he can do anything to stop Wei Wuxian, Lan Qiren speaks up.

“You egotistical, inflexible piece of shit,” Lan Qiren says, and it takes Jiang Cheng a moment to realize that those words really came out of Lan Qiren’s mouth.

But when everyone is staring at him, their mouths mostly open because no one heard Lan Qiren talk like that before, Jiang Cheng comes to the conclusion that it must have been really him.

“Qiren,” Jiang Fengmian starts, but Lan Qiren seems absolutely ready to tear Jiang Fengmian a new one.

“Do not speak to me like that,” Lan Qiren says. “You are a disgrace to your Sect. You never even attempted the impossible, because you were too mellow to ever take a challenge at all. And you can’t even recognize great men, because your son is sitting there after he achieved the impossible time and time again and you have nothing but contempt for him.”

“You shouldn’t speak on family matters,” Jiang Fengmian tries but clearly Lan Qiren is not done.

“I have more right to speak on family matters, than you do,” Lan Qiren says. “Especially when it comes to your son, who you so clearly think the worst of. You hold your son in so little regard that you really believe him to be so stupid as to lose his core in a reckless move? Seriously, out of the two, you’d think Wei Wuxian would be the one to do that, and yet you can’t even be bothered to question it.”

“What?” Wei Wuxian asks and Jiang Cheng desperately wonders why he never learned the silencing spell the Lans love so much.

It would come in really handy right now.

“Wait, what?” Wei Wuxian says again and looks back and forth between Lan Qiren and Jiang Cheng. “Say that again.”

“I think that’s enough,” Jiang Cheng says, but now Jin Ling chimes in for the first time.

“No, I think Teacher Qiren should speak,” he says, clearly remembering that moment after the whole temple mess. “I think this needs to be said.”

“And I think I’m going to break your legs,” Jiang Cheng hisses, but Jin Ling only smiles at him.

“Jiang Wanyin!” Jiang Fengmian yells. “How dare you speak like that to your sister’s son.”

Jiang Cheng has a few choice words for that, but before he can articulate them, Jin Ling gives him his best glare.

“He’s my jiu-jiu and he can speak to me however he wants,” Jin Ling tells him with more bite than Jiang Cheng expected and it’s almost enough to derail the previous conversation.

But only almost, because Wei Wuxian is worse than a dog with a bone.

“Wait, let’s go back, what was that about Jiang Cheng losing his core?”

“It was nothing,” Jiang Cheng says, mostly because he doesn’t want to do this in front of his father.

If the truth comes out—and it seems more than unlikely that he can keep it a secret for much longer—then he doesn’t want to hear what his father has to say to that.

It will probably be the only time he will praise Jiang Cheng, because he did it to protect Wei Wuxian, and Jiang Cheng couldn’t give less of a fuck about that.

“I think it’s time for you to go back now,” Jiang Cheng says with a meaningful look to Lan Qiren, who thankfully seems to understand enough to undo the summoning circle without a second thought and Jiang Fengmian vanishes before he can say another word.

“If you think that gets you out of telling the truth, you’re mistaken,” Wei Wuxian says to Jiang Cheng, who only shrugs, because he knows when he’s being beat.

“Fine, whatever,” he says and motions for Lan Qiren to speak.

“You’re not so stupid to try and get your parent’s bodies back, no matter how much you’re grieving. So there must have been another reason you got captured,” Lan Qiren says, and Jiang Cheng didn’t know he thought so highly of him.

“Maybe I am just that stupid,” Jiang Cheng tries, but Lan Qiren sends him such a sharp glare that Jiang Cheng flinches.

“Tell the truth, Jiang Cheng. What did you do?” Wei Wuxian whispers, though Jiang Cheng can already see understanding dawn on him.

“You were buying medicine for A-jie,” Jiang Cheng says after a long moment, and he looks down at his hands, because it feels safer than looking at Wei Wuxian. “Wen soldiers were coming up behind you, and they wouldn’t have passed by.”

“And then they got distracted,” Wei Wuxian mumbles, “by you. Why would you do that?” he wants to know and at that Jiang Cheng lifts his gaze.

“I just lost my entire family, my home. Do you really think I could have survived losing someone else?” he wants to know and it stuns Wei Wuxian into silence.

“You distracted them to safe my life,” Wei Wuxian says and Jiang Cheng clicks his tongue.

“They would have killed you on the spot or tortured you. Wen Chao hated you enough for both, so I had to do something.”

“And then you got tortured,” Wei Wuxian cries, and Jiang Cheng is acutely aware of all eyes on him.

“Not in front of the kids,” Jiang Cheng hisses out, but before he’s even done, Wei Wuxian has thrown himself at Jiang Cheng.

“I love you, too,” he sobs out and Jiang Cheng’s eyes are burning enough that it’s safer to just hide his face in Wei Wuxian’s neck.

“Yeah, yeah,” he awkwardly says around the lump in his throat. “I love you, too.”

There’s a long moment of silence, before Lan Qiren clears his throat.

“Now that this unpleasant situation is over, everyone is free to leave.”

Wei Wuxian only reluctantly parts from Jiang Cheng, but when Jiang Cheng smiles slightly at him, he seems to understand that there will be time later.

“Lan Qiren, I didn’t know you held my shidi in such high regard,” Wei Wuxian says, clearly not done with the unpleasant situation and Jiang Cheng wants to strangle him.

“Sect Leader Jiang is one of the bravest, most capable cultivators and Sect Leaders I ever had the honour to teach and I will not stand for any slander against him,” Lan Qiren says, very deliberately not looking at Jiang Cheng, who is glad about that.

Because his eyes are burning like crazy again and he doesn’t actually want Lan Qiren to see him cry.

“He took his Sect and his Sect’s motto to heights that were never before reached and he should be held in the highest regard by everyone,” Lan Qiren mercilessly goes on, and Jiang Cheng only doesn’t burst into tears, because Jin Ling presses into his side.

“He’s right,” Jin Ling says and all the juniors agree.

“Absolutely,” Wei Wuxian predictably says, but when even Lan Wangji makes an affirmative noise, it all becomes too much for Jiang Cheng.

“Alright, stop that, enough,” he snaps out, his voice only barely shaking and everyone laughs at him.

Even Lan Qiren’s face softens.

“It’s only the truth,” Lan Qiren says and Jiang Cheng gives in to the fact that his dignity is a lost cause today.

He does burst into tears, but it’s not at all bad, because Wei Wuxian is the first one to hug him and he’s crying, too.

Jiang Cheng thinks it’s only fair that they both lose face like this in front of the kids and their teacher.

Link to my ko-fi on the sidebar!

[ibijau]

I’m a fucking DUMBASS and I read a prompt wrong but only realised as I was just about to post it :D So enjoy this jzx/jc that nobody actually asked for, I guess :D

It was Jin Zixuan’s idea to go explore, mostly because he was bored out of his mind. Visits to the Lotus Piers were never particularly fun to begin with, of course, but this time Jiang Yanli was not well enough to deal with visitors, so Jin Zixuan was stuck with her boring brother instead. 

At least, it was just her boring brother this time. The Jiangs had figured out that Wei Wuxian and Jin Zixuan really couldn’t get along, so he was always absent for one reason or another when the Jins visited. Which would have been great, because Jin Zixuan could be convinced to tolerate Jiang Yanli when nobody bothered him or teased him or upset him in any way, but she wasn’t there and now he was stuck with Jiang Cheng who everyone said wasn’t very bright or very skilled or anything, less good than the bastard Jiang Fengmian had taken in, anyway, and…

And Jin Zixuan hadn’t wanted to spend any amount of time alone with someone unskilled, so he’d suggested that Jiang Cheng make him visit the Lotus Piers and the town around.

It turned out to be more interesting than expected. Jin Zixuan had never really gone around the Lotus Piers, usually sticking close to his mother during visits, or having tea with Jiang Yanli. He had felt no particular curiosity, knowing that of course it had to be inferior to Carp Tower. His parents often said so, criticising the Lotus Piers for its relaxed atmosphere, for the way it was so accessible to common people, for its less showy aesthetics. But Jiang Cheng, proud beyond words of his home, explained why things had been organised a certain way, why the history of the Jiang sect had favoured certain choices. His usually dull and somewhat grumpy face illuminated as he talked about the Lotus Piers, glowing in a way Jin Zixuan never knew that people could do. He’d never seen anyone do that at home.

So Jin Zixuan listened, enraptured against his will, as Jiang Cheng explained the choices of his ancestor with a skill for lecturing that none of Jin Zixuan’s teachers ever had.

“And that’s why it’s important to Yunmeng Jiang to be easily accessible to common people,” Jiang Cheng concluded as they finished their tour. “If they have a duty to us, then we have a duty to them as well, so it’s only fair.”

“My father says if we’re too easy to reach, the commoners will forget their place and start thinking they can bother us with just all their problems,” Jin Zixuan retorted, less assuredly than he normally would be when quoting his father. Jiang Cheng’s arguments had been pretty good. Or maybe it was just the conviction with which he’d said them. Jin Zixuan wasn’t used to so much passion.

Jiang Cheng shrugged.

“Well, maybe the people of Lanling are lazy or stupid then. But here, people don’t usually bother us unless it’s really needed. Except old Liu, but mostly he just needs to be given something to eat and sent back to his house so it’s fine.

Jin Zixuan felt insulted on behalf of the people of his city, but he couldn’t really argue against that logic. It annoyed him though, because Lanling was the best place in the world, he’d always been told as much, so it stung to think that maybe the people living there could be trusted less than the fishermen and lotus farmers of Yunmeng.

There was a moment of silence after that, as Jin Zixuan tried to find a way to defend his home and his people. Even if he was pretty impressed with everything Jiang Cheng had shown and told, it was absolutely impossible to admit it.

“Do you want to go in town?” Jiang Cheng asked when the silence lasted too long for his taste. “I know where to get good candies.”

“We’ll need to find an adult to come with us,” Jin Zixuan protested. “And to ask for permission, and…”

“No we won’t,” Jiang Cheng retorted, throwing him a puzzled look. “The door’s right there, and as long as we stay on the big streets it’s fine. We’re twelve, who’s going to stop us from going around a bit?”

Jin Zixuan, who was barely allowed to visit even some part of Carp Tower without supervision, stared at Jiang Cheng as if he’d grown a second head.

The wise thing to do, of course, was to refuse this invitation. Jin Zixuan couldn’t say why when he refused, because Jiang Cheng was clearly used to far more freedom than him and would mock him for still being a baby who can’t do anything on his own. But it was clear that he had to refuse. His mother would absolutely murder him if he just disappeared like that, without warning anyone, without any grown-ups to look after him.

“Come on, let’s just go!” Jiang Cheng insisted, grabbing him by the arm as if they were close, something nobody would dare to do in Carp Tower. “It’ll be fun.”

Jin Zixuan should have protested.

He had to protest.

He did not, thrilled beyond words to be doing something forbidden.

Yunmeng was a very different sort of city from Lanling, a lot freer and noisier. Jin Zixuan wondered, briefly, if that was because the people living there just weren’t the same, or if it was because the people of Lanling made special efforts to be deferential toward Jin cultivators. Back home, nobody would ever have dared to shout at a junior disciple to come check their wares or try a dish, let alone shout at the heir apparent of the sect. But people were calling out Jiang Cheng's name as if he were just one of the other children playing in the street, complaining about how long it had been since he’d visited, teasing him about managing to get rid of Wei Wuxian for a day.

Jiang Cheng took it all in stride, glowing even more than he had done when offering a tour of his home. His face looked really different when he was smiling, and Jin Zixuan found himself wondering why Jiang Cheng didn’t smile more when it suited him so much better than his usual sour expression.

Not that Jin Zixuan had that much time to observe Jiang Cheng. The familiarity with which the other boy was greeted was extended to Jin Zixuan whenever Jiang Cheng introduced him as a visiting friend. People would ask him all sorts of questions about his visit and his family that he didn’t quite know how to answer, still reeling from Jiang Cheng calling him his friend. It was just easier than to explain Jin Zixuan was Jiang Yanli’s fiancé, of course, that was the only reason, but nobody had ever dared to presume they were Jin Zixuan’s friend before and he found it… nice.

Nicer than it should have been, for sure.

Nice enough that Jin Zixuan could tolerate being talked to so casually by merchants and street vendors.

It was fun, anyway, to be given so much food to try out. The candies that Jiang Cheng had mentioned as the goal of their little adventure were probably the most disgustingly sweet thing that Jin Zixuan had ever tasted, and he loved them even if they made his jaw ache. Most of the dishes were pretty nice as well, at least until Jiang Cheng made him taste a very red looking stew.

Jin Zixuan should have guessed, from the way Jiang Cheng and the vendor glanced at each other, from their barely restrained grins, that there was something fishy. But everything so far had tasted so good, and everyone had been so nice, and Jin Zixuan didn’t want to be rude. So he had a mouthful of the stew.

And nearly immediately broke into tears, his lips and tongue burning as if he’d swallowed fire. Jiang Cheng burst out laughing, the horrible little bastard, even though Jin Zixuan was in absolute agony. He’d never tasted anything like that, and he hated the heat clinging to every part of his mouth, refusing to cool down until Jiang Cheng took pity on him and paid for some white rice that surprisingly helped with the burning sensation.

“I trusted you,” Jin Zixuan hissed when the pain receded enough to speak.

“That’s your problem,” Jiang Cheng retorted.

“You! Is this how you treat everyone, or am I just unlucky?”

Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes, still grinning at the prank he’d just played, but he didn’t seem triumphant the way, say, Wei Wuxian would have been if he’d managed that.

Then again, Jin Zixuan would never have trusted Wei Wuxian in the first place.

“You’re just too dramatic,” Jiang Cheng accused, more teasing than anything. “Come on, I’ll get you some honey candies, it’ll help you.”

It did help, in fact. And while Jin Zixuan was a little more careful with tasting things after that, Jiang Cheng didn’t try to trick him again. In fact, he even warned him against trying certain dishes, explaining that these too were spicy, even if they didn’t look like it. For some reason, it made Jin Zixuan’s heart beat a little faster each time. He assumed it was the fear of nearly tasting something painful again, and was mildly grateful to Jiang Cheng for protecting him.

All things considered they had a great time in town together. It was probably the best afternoon of Jin Zixuan’s life, and he found himself wishing he could come visit Lotus Piers more often. It wasn’t so bad to spend time with Jiang Cheng, when it was just him.

[kyorinrinswritingdump]

I don't know if this is an unpopular opinion or not, but I do like that the Todoroki family is willing to work through all their troubles.

I had an abusive boyfriend so it might all be the same as an abusive parent (however I've seen his own abusive parents and broken family), but even after how much I hated him for all that he did, I still wanted him to realize all he did was wrong and that he loved me.

It's completely messed up what happened to Rei and I honestly sympathize with her, but I really respect her and her family's decision to work with Endeavor to bring their wayward son back from the dark.

Everyone likes to hate Endeavor for all the abuse, and I really hated him, but not a lot of abusers try to fix their mistakes, and though the damage is already done (and I admit that he really only changed once he became #1), I do respect him for trying to change even though it might already be too late.

A lot of media portray abusers as just that, evil, but mha really does a good job of portraying a real-life abuser, imo. Unless the abuser is a psychopath or has serious problems, some (Not all) abusers do feel some kind of guilt and do try (though fail) to fix their mistakes.

My ex has finally realized all the wrong he did and is trying to fix himself, and though there are hiccups, there's a big improvement from before. Now I know "he was immature" or other excuses don't ever excuse abusive behavior, but sometimes I really see my ex as just that. He was too immature, or he has really stupid trust issues, or his parents really didn't do anything to raise except harp about money or the other parent, or other stuff.

Though I'm not blind to maybe my ex trying to fix things may be a trick, I know a lot of abusive people, and honestly I give props to anyone who tries to fix their mistake or tries to stop being abusive.

I want to add that Endeavor isn't some heartless abuser, even in the past as is shown when he actually just wants Dabi/Toya to stop training because the quirk was burning him. Sometimes I wondered if Endeavor saw it as his own quirk burning his son as the fire quirk was inherited from Endeavor, and this added to Endeavor's stress at the time... (stress is no excuse for abusive behavior!) Both parents admitted they had no idea how to talk to Toya, but it's a very clear mistake that even non-abusers make. Some people just don't know how to connect to others emotionally ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Problem was that Endeavor was physically abusive to his wife and I think the kids too. I hate him for this too, but people don't hate on Jackie Chan for the same thing? (Jackie Chan hit his wife and kid, always let it shown publicly and has stated multiple times that he's disappointed with his son, but because he's some movie star and does a bunch of charity, people just turn a blind eye to this? As an Asian-American, I looked up to JC as a kid but when he admitted in his autobiography he was abusive, I honestly hated that part about him. Also Jackie had cheated on his wife multiple times but everyone seems to forget this too like wtf) I don't get how a lot of people can forgive JC when they just hate on Endeavor for the same thing.

Endeavor and a lot of other heroes go through life-threatening stuff and honestly very traumatizing stuff that could make them have PTSD, and I think his abusiveness is also one of the flaws of the hero system just focusing on the heroic stuff and not on the mental health of their heroes. This isn't an excuse for Endeavor, but the hero system also needs a therapy system too! Like come on! You can't expect me to believe every single hero doesn't have some kind of PTSD...

Also, I've been seeing some posts or threads that bash on the Todoroki family for forgiving Endeavor. I respect all your opinions, and I do understand why people hate the "forgive your abuser" trope but please don't throw victims who forgive their abusers under a bus. I understand that every person's experience is different, but please don't hate on others. Some move on by forgiving while others move on by holding on to the hate, but please, let's not put any hate on how victims deal with their trauma. People deal with things differently from others and heal differently too! Even if you can't understand why people choose to forgive their abusers, please don't call them an idiot or anything else demeaning! The Todoroki family may be fictional, but honestly the way people see and wish Rei to be is the way a lot of people wish real abuse victims to be as well and a lot of people really don't realize they demean victims and are so a part of a vicious hate cycle that victims just want out of.

[angstymdzsthoughts]

Sent by the very wonder @catmaid-san

ForeverSadJYL1.--- "A-Xian...Since I was a child, mom has said that the young master of Jin Clan will be my husband. Although we only met a few times, Young master Jin is radiant and handsome. Few girls will be unimpressed, I guess. I do wish to be together with Jin Zixuan till old and grey. But if our feelings are not mutual..."--------- It was tale as old as time. Of a gallant, handsome, and charming prince. With the ordinary and plain girl. Jiang Yanli once had fall in love with Jin Zixuan...

ForeverSadJYL2.--- Even when the Young Master of Jin Clan always saw him with distaste and dissatisfy in his eyes, She always smiled and continued liking him, because for young girls, handsome and prince-like boys in the kind of JZX was hard to ignore. Her heart can't help but fluttered everytime she thought that the handsome guy will become her husband in the future. And it was also something her mother always made her believed, that she and JZX will eventually marry.

ForeverSadJYL3.--- No matter how her chest tighthened in pain whenever she realized she had no worth in the eyes of JZX, no matter how she always wanted to cry whenever he snorted and looked forced in their so called little date, no matter how he always dismiss any attempt at conversation she make when they were made to know each other's more. No matter of it all, JYL always smiled and believed in her mother's words that it was all his teenage's temper, and JZX would be changed once they marry

ForeverSadJYL4.--- But....But....But! Years of always doing her best. Years of always being dismissed. Years of heart being broken. Years of always feeling unworthy. Which maiden whose heart not bled and tears not drained? JYL was not an exception. She might have smile in front of many insulting and underestimating stares. But did everyone actually forget that JYL was just a girl barely reached her twenties? Her first step in romance basically taught her that a plain girl is worth of no romance.

ForeverSadJYL5.--- She began to wonder , was it her fault that JZX was so dazzling, while she herself was so plain? was it her fault that JZX had so many talents and things to be praised, while she herself not even knowing which of her side was worth to be proud of? All of those wondering eventually reached to, "Was this engagement a mistake to begin with?" --------- And all of her feelings came into a new realization when her shidi, WWX, brawled with JZX and broke the engagement in result.

ForeverSadJYL6.--- "A-Xian...You must have started the fight because he said something, right? Silly, i watched you grow, i know everything about you. You wouldn't have started a fight for a reason simply like he was annoying"------------ "...after i think it over, Actually I....I'm not into Young Master Jin. A-Xian...You did nothing wrong. Though Young Master Jin is attractive, I still want to seek my true love. Heart to heart, till the end." ---------- is a new resolve JYL made that night.

ForeverSadJYL7.--- More than a decade of heartache, and JZX still didn't change, Jiang Yanli knew which fight she should keep on fighting, and which one she should just gave up. If the engagement wasn't meant to be, then so be it. If anything, her heart swelled up and there's a warm feeling bubbled inside her when she knew WWX defended her honour even when he knew it'd sullied his instead. Seeing him didn't even make an excuse when Madam Yu berated him, make her feel she was still "worth it"...

ForeverSadJYL8--- JZX couldn't appreciate her no matter how hard she tried. While WWX he was bragging and praising her at every hour even at the smallest matter. He said, she was the best and she was the prettiest of all. Before, she fell to JZX because of his prince-like self and her daydream of being swooped off her feet by a handsome prince. Now,JYL realized that when her prince didn't come with his carriage, there's still a knight in shining armor with a donkey(LMAO, can't help but trolling)

ForeverSadJYL9.--- WWX was her knight in shining armor for JYL. He was always ready to protect her, to defend her every bit, and put her on a pedestal. The child before her grew up to be an upstanding, strong and honorable young men, and JYL couldn't help but see him in the way woman see a men. JYL could only hope that with her betrothal now severed, and as WWX grew up and proved his worth even more, perhaps...she could hope for a chance that her parent somehow see him as a noteworthy suitor..

ForeverSadJYL10.--- BUT! Life is a bitch! Hope is the cruelest thing ever. As the fire raged and swallowed everything his sect ever had, it also blazed the hopes JYL had in life. Her parent was dead. Her brother fought alone, and WWX was missing God knew where. JYL wondered if there's anything crueler that fates prepared for her...But she must stand her ground and stay strong. Her brother needed her. And she could dismiss her personal feelings to continue being emotional support for her brother.

ForeverSadJYL11.--- When WWX finally appeared again, she was relieved beyond belief. There's still limit where she could smile and smile and encourage others without another person who did the same for her. JC is her brother, he was a good boy, but he's bad with his words and he's not good with affection. WWX was someone JYL had as her oasis with his ever so bright and returning smiles and all of his showering affections. It was hard for his presence not to be yearned when he was gone.

ForeverSadJYL12.--- WWX returned, but his smiles didn't return with him. Everyone might have not notice, even JC didn't notice, with his laughter and smiles WWX still plastered on his face. But JYL knew. She knew everything about him after all. She knew it was strenuous. She knew his outwards laugh didn't feel genuine at all. He was changed. But which people who didn't change in this raging war? But at least she knew that his smiles when he finally met her again was warm and full of relieves...

ForeverSadJYL13.--- JYL knew that WWX liked her lotus roots and pork rib soup...Not because of an amazing recipes. She knew because it was something that reminded him of home...the taste that reminded him he had a place he belonged to. And JYL would be glad to cook it over and over again if it could reassure him he still had people who loved him and would be there for him. The incident with JZX was something she didn't predicted to be honest. Though, it made JYL deepened her feelings towards WWX

ForeverSadJYL14.--- It was the Jins who helped her when Lotus Pier fall, so JYL just wanted to express her gratitude by always sparing JZX of her cooking. It was not unexpecte that JZX accused her of lying and stealing other's efforts, she didn't feel surprised that JZX even dared to insult her in public, without even trying to find the truth at all. She was, after all, not worthy of anything to the Young Master of Jin Clan. Though she knew it all, it's still hard to keep her tears from falling.

ForeverSadJYL15.--- It was all WWX again, always him, who defended her, who protected her from even a malicious remarks. He didn't hesitate to throw a punch and berated JZX, even at the chance of YMJ lost an ally to the war. Honestly...just how many times WWX did proved her again that she was worthy, more than she ever thought. It's hard not to love someone like him. JYL just wanted for the war to end, their life returned to normal, She,with her brother, and the men she loved with all her heart.

ForeverSadJYL16.--- But! Did she somehow forget that hopes were the cruelest thing? The war ended, and yet their life didn't return to normal. WWX was praised for a hero in a battlefield. But he was a mere madman in time of peace. And she knew that WWX understand it himself. JC was struggling with building a sect. If building a sect was just literally built the building, perhaps it'd be much easier, but it was not. With Madam Jin back again to shove her on JZX's arms, she knew she had it coming.catmaid-san

ForeverSadJYL17---JYL knew she couldn't help JC in anything. The only thing she could offer was by securing an ally to Jin Sect with marriage. She let it happened. Madam Jin blatant matchmaking, JZX's insufferable presence, she'd bear it all for her brother...even when it include sacrificing her love towards WWX. In all honesty, when WWX once asked her "how do you know you like someone", JYL wanted so badly to answer "the feelings i feel with you right now is how i know i love someone so dearly"

ForeverSadJYL18.--- WWX left Lotus Pier. She always knew with how tense the situation surrounding WWX post-war, it'd be the matter of time for WWX to break it and left the cultivation world. JYL knew and she understand it. WWX was always like that. He helped others in need no matter he went, and erected justice he believed. It was after all one of the thing she loved in WWX. If life must go on then let it be, let them walked their only choice path in life, and search for happiness along the way.

ForeverSadJYL19.--- And yet, she can't help but wanting to visit him, to show him her wedding dress. It was all a wistful thinking. Of wanting WWX to see her in a wedding attires no matter what. She once dreamed to marry JZX and live as a princess-like. But a dream was only a dream. The one thing she wished more sincerely in her life was to marry WWX and be loved forever. JYL wanted to be selfish one more time. She wanted him to see her as a bride and wanted him to praise her as a pretty bride..

ForeverSadJYL20.--- Life went on. For the n-th time JYL's wishes to be finally happy wasn't granted. JZX died. It was said WWX who killed him. She grieved for a man, though not the one she loved, but at least for the father of her child who had tried his best to mend his mistakes in the past. She knew WWX wouldn't touch JZX without any provoking attempt. But even when she believed WWX, for her beloved wasn't what people think at all. Still, life is a bitch. People already cried for his death...

ForeverSadJYL21.--- "A-Xian...before, why did you run? I wanted to tell you...,"--------------------------------------------JYL once wondered if fates had ever smiled at her. She once wondered if things could be crueler than she already had. She was wrong. Apparently fates had unlimited cruelty reserved for her. Before she knew it, her body already moved and protected WWX from looming death. WWX always proved her that she was worth it. And for once JYL wanted to show him he was also worth it...

[bettydice]

I didn’t expect you to be lonely (too)

Xicheng, Modern AU, JC&WWX reconciliation, E-Rated 

[Read on AO3]

Chapter 2

Friday

Jiang Cheng leaves the subway station, only to find out that it’s raining. Of course he didn’t bring an umbrella, so he pulls up his hood and runs all the way to Lan Xichen’s apartment. He manages to stay mostly dry, so he won’t be dripping all over Lan Xichen’s hardwood floors. Which would’ve been awkward and awkward is what he’s trying to avoid. No awkwardness will happen because Jiang Cheng is a mess of a person. No awkwardness will happen because Lan Xichen is gorgeous and sweet and amazing and… it will not factor into his behaviour today. He is determined to forget he ever-

“Jiang Wanyin, hello!” Lan Xichen opens the door, smiling, his short hair slightly tousled. He’s still very tall and handsome.

Fuck. He’s doomed.

After Jiang Cheng has taken off his wet sneakers and jacket, Lan Xichen leads him into the ‘therapy room’, towards a massage table covered with a large white towel. He explains that his treatment today will include some sort of ‘hot clay’ to loosen his muscles. After, Lan Xichen will give him a massage, but only a very gentle one for his neck - shoulders - jaw. Jiang Cheng once again smiles and nods, follows Lan Xichen’s instructions without questions.

He waits while Lan Xichen gets the hot clay (which is supposedly not gonna stick to his skin), takes off his shirt and lies down on the brown clay pad once Lan Xichen returns.

“Comfortable?” Lan Xichen smiles down at him. Jiang Cheng really needs him to stop smiling.

“Mhm.” It feels weird, but not uncomfortable. Any discomfort he feels stems from Jiang Cheng’s own issues, nothing to do with the treatment.

Lan Xichen wraps the towel around Jiang Cheng, tucks the ends in under him. He feels like a mummy. Lan Xichen fetches a smaller towel from a shelf and wraps it around Jiang Cheng’s feet.

“So they don’t get cold.”

Jiang Cheng half expects Lan Xichen to kiss his forehead and wish him a good night. Which is exactly the kind of thought he wasn’t going to think today.

Lan Xichen stands next to his head and, of course, smiles down at him. “Would you like some calming music? I also have generic nature sounds available. Or quiet, of course, if you prefer.”

“Music would be nice. Thank you.”

“Alright! I’ll come back in about twenty minutes. Yell if you need anything. And if you feel like you’re falling asleep - don’t fight it.”

Lan Xichen gives him one last look over, tucks the towel in a bit more, goes to the shelf to turn on the music, then leaves the room quietly.

For the first few minutes, all of this is just weird. His back is warm, is hot, and sweaty. And he can’t move. Being wrapped up like this… It’s like being hugged. One of those tight octopus hugs Wei Wuxian used to give him when he was drunk. One of those tight hugs Wei Wuxian allowed Jiang Cheng to give him whenever he thought he’d fall apart otherwise.

Another thing he wasn’t going to think of today. Or ever.

He tries to focus on the astonishingly generic music, on what he can see of the room (various exercise equipment, way less plants than in the living room, but still more than he’d expected to see in this type of setting, the white ceiling). By now, it feels as though the heat has seeped into his muscles, into his bones and his entire body just feels… warm. Maybe he’d go even so far as to use the word ‘cozy’.

Jiang Cheng, who never relaxes, feels like napping after… well, he’s not sure. He doesn’t know what time it is, he doesn’t have to move. All he needs to do right now is lie here and feel warm and wrapped up and listen to zither sounds and… Maybe he’ll just close his eyes for a second.

A hand touches his shoulder and he rapidly opens his eyes. Lan Xichen is standing next to him again - he must have fallen asleep. Jiang Cheng tries to sit up, only to remember that he’s currently wrapped up like a spring roll.

“Good morning,” Lan Xichen laughs lightly. He somehow has this ability to express amusement about something Jiang Cheng does without him feeling mocked.

“Ah, I guess I nodded off a little…” Jiang Cheng hopes any redness in his face can be explained away by the hot clay.

“Wonderful! Let’s unwrap you then, so I can stretch and massage your neck, shoulders and jaw. Okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

Lan Xichen opens his blanket wrap, guides him to sit upright so he can remove the mud pad, then has him lie back down on the towel.

"You can close your eyes, if you want. I'll start light, then slowly increase pressure." Lan Xichen stands behind him, so Jiang Cheng can’t see him anymore. Probably better that way.

Jiang Cheng closes his eyes and tries to hold on to the relaxed feel of being in the hot wrap. At the first touch of Lan Xichen's fingers, he almost twitches, but manages to hold back.

Lan Xichen starts the massage where his shoulders meet his neck and fuck, it's amazing. As though Lan Xichen can see exactly where Jiang Cheng's tension lies.

Lan Xichen works his way slowly up Jiang Cheng's neck, fingers magically finding the worst spots. Not cruelly digging into them like Jiang Cheng expected, but gently pressing, almost soothing, in circles.

It feels… it had already felt so good when he'd only touched him briefly. This feels intimate to Jiang Cheng in a way that's probably very inappropriate and maybe even pathetic. Nobody touches him like this, right where he’s hurt the most. There's no one who handles him so gently, so carefully.

It's the gentleness that's his undoing, he thinks. He would be able to deal better with it if it was painful.

And… He can't think about the time someone last touched him like this, because he can't actually remember. Because no one wants to touch him like this. Jiang Cheng is so prickly, he stings everyone that gets close to him. That tries to love him.

So they stop trying.

Jiang Cheng does not think that anyone has ever loved him for him. Has ever loved him as a choice. Yanli and Wei Wuxian love him, because he’s their brother, because they’re used to him, because they have big hearts that can even find space for someone like Jiang Cheng.

His mother loved him, he thinks. But it was not a gentle love and there are even days where Jiang Cheng doesn’t miss that love at all. He’s not sure whether those are good or bad days.

His friends were always Wei Wuxian’s friends first. When he told Wei Wuxian to get out of his life, and Wei Wuxian, who has never listened to anything Jiang Cheng told him to do, actually followed… he took his friends with him.

Maybe leaving Jiang Cheng was easy. Maybe he’s glad he doesn’t have to put up with him anymore. It’s not like he can’t understand. Jiang Cheng is not an easy person to love, maybe it’s even impossible. So why would Wei Wuxian, who can love anyone and who can be loved by everyone, want to live with him? If Jiang Cheng had the choice, he wouldn’t live with himself either.

Lan Xichen's thumb digs into a spot behind his jaw and the slight pain drags him back into reality. Right. The fuck is he doing, lying here, thinking depressing thoughts? Why is he feeling sad about something he himself is responsible for?

Why is he… fuck, is that a tear running down the side of his face, towards his ear?

He’s fucking crying.

But it’s just one tear, right? That can be explained away. It was… the light. Or allergies. Or...

He's really so pathetic, lying here, crying because he's sad and lonely and nobody loves him and his schoolboy crush is his massage therapist and this touch is the most intimate touch he's had in what feels like years and Wei Wuxian has a boyfriend he didn't know about, a boyfriend who's meeting his sister and whose brother is meeting his sister, and everyone is happy without him, aren't they? And Jiang Cheng will probably die alone and miserable, because it’s what he deserves.

Lan Xichen's fingers are so gentle, he can't stand it.

Now he's crying for real.

He can't help it. This is why Jiang Cheng never allows himself to cry. Because he doesn't know how to stop.

Lan Xichen stills his hands. There's no way he hasn't noticed, not when Jiang Cheng is drawing in a shuddering breath, when he’s outright sobbing.

Jiang Cheng thinks about apologising, but what can he even say? There's no way to explain this. If he tried to talk right now, it would probably be even more embarrassing than this whole thing already is. So he just keeps his eyes shut and tries to quell the sobs trying to escape from his throat and tries to stop the tears from dripping down his face. But he can’t!

He just. Can't. Stop. Fucking. Crying.

Lan Xichen lifts his hands, probably to flee the room, but then one settles on top of Jiang Cheng’s forehead and the other supports his neck, simply holding his head. At first, Jiang Cheng is mortified. Lan Xichen should just leave and spare them both the embarrassment.

But he can’t help but feel reassured by the steady pressure of Lan Xichen’s hands. He experiences a weird dichotomy of it making him feel less alone while at the same time emphasizing how very lonely he actually is.

So he tries not to think about anything anymore, only focuses on the warmth of Lan Xichen's hands, the uneventful music still playing in the background and waits for his tears to stop flowing.

They do, eventually.

For a minute or so Jiang Cheng lies motionless, not daring to open his eyes and face the undoubtedly horrified and/or pitying look on Lan Xichen's face.

Before he can decide on the least pathetic way to handle all this, Lan Xichen takes away his hands, gets up and says: "I'll be in the living room. Take your time."

Then he leaves the room and closes the door behind him.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck.

What is fucking wrong with him???

Who has a nervous breakdown on a massage table???

Jiang Cheng sits up and buries his face in the towel, vaguely hoping this is all just a bad dream. It would be on brand for his dreams: start with a relaxing massage from a handsome man, only to leave him crying and feeling pathetic and useless. The only thing missing is his mother telling him he'll never achieve anything and if he insists on following Wei Wuxian’s lead like this, the least he could do is be at least half as intelligent, did he really think she wouldn't hear about the fact he only got a C+ on his last math test?

He'll have to leave this room eventually and face Lan Xichen and apologise for this and if there's one way to guarantee that this will never be nothing more than a one sided crush, this should be it. Probably better that way.

Jiang Cheng lowers the towel, puts on his t-shirt and pullover and dares to look in the mirror. Shit. He looks like shit. Oh well, the upside to this is that his looks don't matter at all anymore, nothing could make this worse or salvage it in any way.

He takes a deep breath and opens the door. Across from him, a door is open that wasn't open before. It seems to be the door to the bathroom. Lan Xichen probably left it open on purpose, because he's fucking considerate like that. Jiang Cheng decides to honour this consideration and enters the large, bright, wonderful, fancy bathroom. There are plants here, too. A large bathtub and a walk-in shower. It should be so fancy that it's annoying, but instead it just… makes him want to take a fucking bath. It really is impossible to dislike anything about Lan Xichen.

He washes his face with cold water, then doesn't know what to dry his face with. Since he doesn't want to take a fresh towel out of the cupboard, he uses his t-shirt. The mirror tells him that he looks slightly less as though he just had a mental breakdown. Well, that's something.

He could just leave… But Lan Xichen deserves better than that.

When he enters the living room, Lan Xichen is busy misting a large plant next to the couch with a golden spray bottle.

A teapot and two mugs are on the low table and next to one mug sits a large glass of water.

Jiang Cheng awkwardly clears his throat. Lan Xichen turns around and smiles again when he sees him, as though everything is completely normal.

"Sit down, I made us some tea. I also poured you some water."

Lan Xichen sits down on the couch and Jiang Cheng sits in the comfortable chair again, immediately reaching for the glass of water. That Lan Xichen poured for him because Jiang Cheng just sobbed all over his massage table, his fingers too, and Lan Xichen probably is concerned there's no water in his body left.

Then he notices he's gulped down the entire glass, because he can't ever do anything normally or in moderation, can he. He puts the glass back, and steels himself for talking.

"Lan-laoshi… I'm…"

"No need to explain." Lan Xichen smiles at him, full of… Not pity. Understanding. Fuck, he’s probably used to having weird clients. "Everyone needs a good cry sometimes."

"Still… I shouldn't just throw my emotional meltdown at you, when… I'm really sorry, I don't even know why…The heat pack and the massage both felt really good… "

Lan Xichen pours him some tea, then himself too and looks at Jiang Cheng, considering. "Sometimes, things that feel good can be harder to bear. An unexpected kindness, someone being sincere… It can be almost painful, when we have hardship in our lives. And maybe we don't fully realise how bad things have been, how unkind, until we're confronted with something truly nice. So there's no need to feel ashamed. Catharsis is a good thing."

Jiang Cheng's first instinct is to ask who's ever dared to be unkind to Lan Xichen so he can go beat them up. There's a tinge of sadness to Lan Xichen's smile that shouldn't be there. Is that why he… Jiang Cheng would’ve preferred to be pitied then, if it meant Lan Xichen couldn’t relate to such a situation. His second instinct is to cry again, because fuck!

Jiang Cheng ignores both of those instincts, tries for sort-of-humour instead. "I don't know about this catharsis… I can't say I feel great now."

"No?" Lan Xichen laughs gently. "Maybe it takes a while to arrive."

Jiang Cheng is sceptical but he tries to smile, too, and takes a sip from the tea.

"Do you like bunnies?" Lan Xichen asks out of the blue.

"Uhm, yeah, sure?" What… what?

"Excellent. Wait here."

Jiang Cheng waits for… for what? What is going on?

Lan Xichen returns after a minute… With a bunny.

"Are you a fu-... A magician? Where did you-" The fuck?

"The balcony."

Right. A pet. Not a magician. Though Lan Xichen does look pretty magical as he approaches him with the fluffy bunny. All white except for grey paws. Adorable.

Then Lan Xichen actually hands him the bunny.

"Are you sure?" Jiang Cheng is already holding out his hands, because he does really like bunnies, likes all animals, really.

"Of course. Jade is very nice, you'll definitely feel better if you hold her."

Well… Jiang Cheng is not going to look a surprise gift bunny in the mouth. He carefully accepts Jade, positions her on his arm and smiles down at her, stroking her soft fur.

"Hello, Jade. You're very cute, aren't you?"

"She's exceptionally cute." Lan Xichen crouches down next to them and smiles at the bunny. He is… exceptionally pretty. "I'm very lucky. The bunnies belong to my brother, but he couldn't take them with him when he moved out, so they're in my care now."

"Bunnies plural?"

"Oh yes, there's also Cloud! She's in a bad mood today though, only turned her back on me when I approached. There's a picture of her with Wangji!"

Lan Zichen points at one of several picture frames on a shelf. Jiang Cheng had avoided looking at anything in this flat too closely so far, because he didn't want to invade Lan Xichen’s privacy more than necessary. So Lan Xichen's brother (and Wei Wuxian’s boyfriend) is Lan Wangji. They do look related, even though Lan Wangji looks as though he's never smiled in his life. Maybe that's why Lan Xichen smiles so often - balance.

He does not look like the kind of person who would want to keep up with Wei Wuxian, but then again, everyone ends up loving Wei Wuxian.

Well, most people.

"Cloud also looks very cute. Your brother looks…"

"Ah, Wangji hates smiling for cameras. And he's very good at not doing things he hates - an enviable character trait." Lan Xichen says this very casually, maybe didn't mean anything by it, but Jiang Cheng is still taken aback a little.

There's… Lan Xichen’s face is like looking into a pond that appears perfectly serene and pleasant and it's easy to miss the less pleasant things hidden in the murky waters if you're not looking closely.

Lan Xichen notices him staring, laughs a little embarrassed, then starts petting Jade, too. It effectively distracts Jiang Cheng, because now he's trying to stroke Jades fur without making their hands touch, while at the same time wishing they would.

"Do you feel better now?" Lan Xichen asks after one or two minutes.

"I do, thank you."

"I'm glad. Are you here with the subway or by bus?"

"Subway, why? Is it raining again?" Jiang Cheng looks out the window, but while it's cloudy, it doesn't seem to rain. He really needs to start getting into the habit of bringing an umbrella everywhere.

"I could drive you home if you want. You've had… an exhausting afternoon. And I've found that public transportation can increase sadness… But maybe that's just me."

"Oh, you don't have to do that. I've already inconvenienced you enough today.” By sobbing through his massage. Fuck. He should just focus on the bunny. And maybe leave the flat as soon as possible?

"It would be no trouble." Lan Xichen, still crouching down, still petting Jade, smiles up at him.

"Uhm…" Confronted with this view, Jiang Cheng forgets why he wanted to say no. "Thank you?"

"My pleasure!" Lan Xichen sounds as though he really means it. As if this whole afternoon hasn’t been a pathetic disaster.

"You're really good at your job." He just kind of blurts that out without really thinking about it.

Lan Xichen looks surprised, as if it’s the first time he’s hearing it, which cannot be true. He’s objectively very good at his job and at being a wonderful human being. "That's kind of you to say. Even though we haven't really started yet - I hope I will be able to keep this good impression up."

"I just meant… You make me… People… it's easy to relax here. And even after…" Jiang Cheng waves one hand towards the therapy room. "I don't feel horrible. Usually, I would be mortified and regretting my entire life and probably cancelling all further appointments by now.”

“Ah… I think Jade should get most of that credit.” Lan Xichen stands upright again and sits down opposite of him. “Though I am glad you don’t want to cancel your appointments. You’re very tense after all and half a session is really not enough to take care of that.”

Lan Xichen’s eyes sparkle with humour and Jiang Cheng gives a surprised laugh. For a second, they simply look at each other, smiling. Jiang Cheng can’t remember the last time he smiled this much. Maybe with A-Ling?

"Do you have food at home? For dinner?"

"Huh? Uhm…" Jiang Cheng thinks of his sad fridge. He's been meaning to go grocery shopping, but has been living off dry cereal and take-out the past few days. "Well, I'm sure I can manage to scrounge something together."

Lan Xichen frowns. "Is there a grocery store close by? We could stop there first. Or maybe you can pick something up from a restaurant. Is there something you particularly like?"

Jiang Cheng stares. "I'm not fussy." Lan Xichen seems to expect a more detailed response, so he tries. "My favourite food is my sister's lotus rib soup. It's comforting."

Lan Xichen's face lights up. "Oh, of course! I actually have some of that in my freezer! Your sister gave it to me when I was there for dinner, to eat on a rainy day. I'll heat it up."

"You have… You do?" Bunnies and his sister’s soup in one day? Maybe Lan Xichen actually can do magic.

"if you don't have other dinner plans. Sorry, I don't want to be overbearing or…"

"Are you sure it's not too much. You've already been too nice…" And he’s been this nice to Jiang Cheng. Who is a disaster and doesn’t deserve it.

"Ah, I don't think it's possible to be 'too nice'. And I enjoy your company.“

That last part can't be true.

Jiang Cheng is staring at Lan Xichen again, at a loss for words, until Jade gets annoyed she's not being petted and tries to escape from his lap.

"Maybe we'll better put her back in the enclosure."

Lan Xichen gets up and motions him to follow him on the balcony (gigantic, full of plants) and opens the flap to the bunny enclosure (also gigantic) so Jiang Cheng can deposit Jade. He can see Cloud in the bunny house but as soon as she sees them, she turns around.

"I think I have offended her somehow. I'll have to apologise later," Lan Xichen sighs, smiling ruefully at the bunny. "She's just as stubborn as Wangji, probably why he's her favourite."

Jiang Cheng waves to say goodbye to Jade, who ignores him to chew some hay.

"I'll go heat up the soup. Make yourself comfortable in the living room." Lan Xichen waves his hand towards the couch and leaves the room.

Jiang Cheng follows Lan Xichen into the kitchen, instead of sitting awkwardly in the living room by himself. As every other room, it's large and bright and cozy and full of plants.

Lan Xichen smiles over his shoulder when he sees that Jiang Cheng followed him and gestures towards the kitchen table. Jiang Cheng sits down.

"All your plants are very beautiful. I can't even keep a cactus alive."

"Oh, thank you. I have… Maybe too many. My brother frowns in a very specific way every time I buy a new one. But I like taking care of them and I like having all this nature around me." Lan Xichen looks a little embarrassed and Jiang Cheng doesn't know why.

"I think this is very impressive; you're able to keep all these plants alive. They probably all have different requirements, too." He looks at the plant next to him, which has long twines that are hanging down from where it's sitting on the kitchen shelf.

"Well, that one is very easy going actually. One of my first houseplants. I only had a handful at first and then it just kind of escalated." Lan Xichen has taken the tupperware out of the freezer and is heating it up in the microwave. He gets out two bowls and two spoons and hands them to Jiang Cheng, so he can set the table.

"I think I'd be too worried about doing something wrong or forgetting to water them and killing all the plants."

"I may research every plant I buy and keep the information in a binder. And maybe I also made a watering schedule." Lan Xichen clears his throat, but smiles. "Though there was the occasional plant I couldn't save, no matter what I tried."

"That must've been sad, after all the care."

"Ah, it was. Which is why my brother thinks I'm too attached.”

“Too attached?”

“He thinks I cried when it was clear my calathea couldn’t be saved.”

There’s a light flush on Lan Xichen’s cheeks. So likely his brother’s assumption was correct. But he really shouldn’t be embarrassed. There’s no need to be, when he’s just being sweet and caring and Jiang Cheng is the one who just had a meltdown for literally no reason.

“Last month, I cried when I broke a mug,” Jiang Cheng says without thinking about it. Then he cringes. Why would he say that and make himself out to be even more of a volatile mess than Lan Xichen probably already considers him to be?

Lan Xichen only looks relieved though. “Sometimes it’s the little things, isn’t it?”

“Clearly we need the catharsis.”

“Ah yes, I really should listen to my own advice sometimes, shouldn’t I?” The ding of the microwave interrupts them and Lan Xichen fills the soup into a pot, to finish reheating it on the stove. The familiar smell of Jiang Yanli’s soup reaches Jiang Cheng and for a second he believes everything will be alright.

“Your sister is really very lovely. Your brother was asking for the leftover soup but she insisted on giving it to me.”

Right. Wei Wuxian is dating Lan Xichen’s brother and they’re meeting with Jiang Yanli and having her perfect soup without him, because Jiang Cheng is a huge asshole and soup tastes better without him.

***

“A-jie, let me have the last spoon. Please? Xianxian has worked so hard today.” Wei Wuxian pouts and bats his eyelashes at their sister.

“Can you stop that disgusting baby talk? And you got up at 2 p.m. today, you haven’t done shit yet!”

“Hey! I did our laundry, didn’t ?”

“You just stuffed it in the washing machine and then forgot about it! I started it!”

“Whatever, you only pressed a button, I collected your gross dirty socks.”

“Jiejie, I should have the last spoon, because I managed to get Wei Wuxian here on time and we all know that’s nearly impossible.” Jiang Cheng lifts his bowl and smiles at his sister.

“Shut up!”

“Maybe I could have the last spoon of soup, because I have sat through dinner with your brothers and not complained once,” his brother-in-law has the audacity to say.

Jiang Yanli laughs, so very fond of them all, and splits the last bit of soup between all of them.

***

Warm steam caresses his face and Jiang Cheng blinks a few times and returns to the present. Lan Xichen is sitting across from him, both bowls filled with fragrant soup, and he’s looking at him with a question in his eyes. How long has Jiang Cheng zoned out?

“Sorry, I just...” Why does his voice sound so rough? He cannot, he cannot cry again. And how is he planning on finishing that sentence? He can’t think of anything, so he doesn’t, only awkwardly shrugs his shoulders, makes an apologetic face.

“Let’s enjoy this soup, shall we?” Lan Xichen, as always, somehow manages to make the situation less embarrassing than it should be.

They eat the soup in companionable silence. It’s weird though. It’s warm, it’s comforting, it’s his jiejie’s soup, which instantly makes him feel better. But he’s eating it without his family. At least he’s not eating it alone in his sad, too large apartment.

Lan Xichen keeps smiling at him in between spoonfuls of soup. It does complicated things to Jiang Cheng’s heart. He’s been so determined to ignore his resurfaced attraction to Lan Xichen but it’s becoming clear that it would be impossible. Nevermind the fact that Lan Xichen looks like … well, looks like that. He handed Jiang Cheng a bunny to cheer him up. He made him his sister’s soup. He’s just so fucking nice and considerate and gentle and fuck, it would be so nice to kiss him, wouldn’t it.

Fuck, why is he always doing this!? Getting ahead of himself. Attributing a lot of meaning to little things nobody else sees in the same light. Falling for people who know better than to do the same.

He’ll just eat his soup, let Lan Xichen drive him home and then continue with these sessions, hopefully without crying again. He’ll be a little in love with Lan Xichen the entire time but he’s very good at never acting on stuff like that, so it’ll be fine.

Maybe he’ll even be less tense at the end of all this.

After they finish eating the soup, Lan Xichen drives him home. Jiang Cheng tries to apologize again, but Lan Xichen just smiles and shakes his head. They agree to meet again tomorrow, which is way earlier than Jiang Cheng would like, but maybe it’s best if he can’t spend a week freaking out over what happened today.

He says goodbye to Lan Xichen. (“Oh, good luck with Cloud. I hope she won’t be mad much longer!” - “Thank you! I might have to bribe her with her favourite treats…”) He enters his empty apartment. He sits down on his couch. He stares at the door to Wei Wuxian’s room. He hasn’t entered the room in months, it must be quite dusty by now.

Jiang Cheng closes his eyes and lets himself fall sideways until his head hits the couch. He’s so fucking tired.

He wakes up when his phone vibrates.

Lan Xichen Just sending you confirmation that your next session will be tomorrow, 4:30 p.m. You don’t need to bring anything, but wear comfortable clothes. I recommend drinking something hot and going to bed early tonight! :) Also, Cloud forgave me. Here’s a picture, since you couldn’t see her today!

Cloud looks at the camera, somehow managing to look grumpy, but still very cute. Lan Xichen’s hand is in the frame, his elegant fingers resting on the carpet in front of the bunny. Jiang Cheng can’t help but smile.

He makes himself a hot tea, grabs his laptop, snuggles under his blankets and spends the evening looking at bunnies on the internet.

[crossdressingdeath]

Okay, rant time. Someone on mxtxconfessions said they didn’t think JC was that tragic, and there was someone who responded who started out strong, pointing out that losing his entire clan is actually pretty tragic, and how the Wens tortured him, but then went ahead and said that he had no idea WWX had given him his golden core, and how JC now had a broken relationship with his brother, which was apparently really tragic, as if JC himself didn’t ruin it, which makes me so mad, because one, WWX also lost all those things, and suffered even more, and two, can we stop portraying WWX and JC’s relationship as something sad? Leaving each other is the best thing they could’ve ever done, and it made me happy that it happened, but this fandom does not agree with me. Also, again, JC was not alone during all of this! WWX was at his side experiencing this things too! Why are these people forgetting that? Also, the worst thing that happened to him was losing his golden core, which was probably the only thing that affected him, as he was completely fine after he got it back. Yes, he had trauma, which is horrible, but I’m tired of fans overplaying it, and acting like his entire life was just so so sad, when he was actually one of the luckiest characters. He has wealth, privilege and status, and no one can say anything against him. And don’t even get me started on the whole ‘hE hAs No FrIeNdS’ argument. He has no friends because of his shit personality. He doesn’t have a wife because of his shit personality. You make friends by being nice, not by being mIsUnDeRsToOd, and cannically torturing people! Also, him doing one good thing for WWX doesn’t automatically make him a good brother. Honestly, I’m surprised WWX didn’t have a more platonic version of Stockholm Syndrome because of what JC has done to him. Also, how JC speaks to WWX is a very well-known tactics abusers use, to guilt their victim! More people need to speak up about that. Also, if y’all are so mad about the core transfer, start writing fics with WWX not giving up his core to JC, and make it seem like actual canon. Wait! You can’t, because JC wanted that core! He wants it so fucking bad, and that’s why he hates it! Also, JC stans need to stop with the whole-victim blaming! Like, shit, because of those stans, it makes me want to dump JC in a ditch, and let him rot as d!e there.

Wow, this got out of hand.

Honestly? Given WWX’s habit of insisting that everything JC does to him is justified even when it’s things like calling him a traitor to the sects and leaving him to die, I think if he’d stayed with JC much longer he very well might have ended up with something similar to Stockholm Syndrome. After all, if I’m remembering right one of the signs of that is the victim thinking their captor is being kind because they’re not as cruel as they could be. That certainly sounds like Yunmeng bros’ dynamic to me.

JC’s life was sad. He lost his home, his parents... it sucks. I’m not going to say he hasn’t been through a lot of shit, because he has. But the thing is, MDZS has a very strong thread of tragedy running through it. Everyone’s life is sad in this! Especially in the flashbacks! WWX lost everything JC did and more; LWJ’s mother died when he was young and his father died when his sect was burned to the ground, not to mention the love of his life dying horribly and leaving LWJ as almost the only one in the world who mourned him instead of celebrating his death; one of LXC’s dearest friends killed the other and was killed in turn by LXC himself, along with the aforementioned parental death; NHS’s brother died horribly right in front of him, killed by someone NHS trusted and loved like a second brother, and he gave pretty much his entire adult life over to revenge; JL’s parents both died when he was a baby and then as a teenager he learned that the man who raised him who he loved dearly had a hand in at least one of their deaths and did a bunch of other horrible shit besides; and that’s not even getting into the Yi City arc... Everyone suffers in this story. One of the major running themes, though, is that you cannot let that suffering make you cruel. Think of XY, who wiped out a sect over a finger; think of JGY, and everything he did. Their atrocities were fueled by their suffering, and the narrative makes it very clear that this is not okay. The narrative makes no attempt to justify or handwave the things JC does as not that bad because he was sad, because that’s not a justification. JC did terrible things. He shouldn’t get out of atoning for them because he had a hard life; the only reason he can is because an accident of birth gave him the power and status the major villains could never have. JC’s situation is tragic, but the kind of tragic that’s only a tragedy because those involved chose to make it that way. JC could be surrounded by people who love him, he could do so much good, he could fight to keep anyone from suffering the way he did again. Instead he wallows in his suffering, brings it down on anyone he doesn’t like, drives everyone who might have stood by him away. Whether he can see it or not, JC is alone because he chose to be.

(And yeah, isn’t it funny how there are no fics where WWX keeps his golden core and JC loses his and remains reasonably in character? Wonder why that could be. It can’t possibly be that even the most hardcore JC stans can’t find a way to make that setup work, could it?)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #305

“you want me to be yours, well then you’ve got to be mine, & if you want a good girl, then goodbye”

Do you call the ice cream topping "jimmies" or "sprinkles"? They're "sprinkles" down here. What music are you listening to? Ha, I just turned on music before starting this. "Sex Metal Barbie" by In This Moment is on rn. If you go to school (HS or college) does your school have a rival? N/A Have you been baptized in any religious tradition? Yeah; I was born in a Roman Catholic family. My mom's mom would've probably had a heart attack if us kids weren't. At family gatherings, are you more likely to hang out with the younger or older relatives? I mean, I'd go for those my age or older, generally. I'd hang out with kids though if they wanted me to. Considering you current health, how long do you think you will live? With my CURRENT health, probably not even 80. Do you have anything in your room that would be 'weird' to others? Posters, yeah. Have you ever done geocaching? No, but it'd be cool if my body could actually handle taking a single goddamn step. What was the last game you won? Maybe Uno with my niece? I generally let her win, but occasionally I'm "lucky" to TRY to be more convincing, lol. I think she knows I let her, though. Do you know any deaf people? If so, is it easy or difficult to have conversations with them? No. Do you enjoy playing Monopoly? Why or why not? No, because I don't like board games, especially any that involve math. Is there a doorknocker on your front door? No. Do 'laugh tracks' on TV shows annoy you? They're so normal that I don't even notice them, really. Do people often mistake you for other ethnicities? If so, what do you usually get? No, I'm pretty obviously white. Has anyone famous ever attended your school? Who? I won't say his name for the sake of not connecting dots, but a well-known football player attended my high school. Have you ever had to attend an event that occurred on your birthday? Ha, my 16th birthday landed on the Super Bowl... I was at Jason's that night, and just to be "part of the family," we watched it with everyone else that came over. I was so bored and uninterested, but that's my own fault, really. I could have said something, but this was only a month into our relationship so I was too uncomfortable to speak up. What do you think makes a girl a slut? Do you believe that label is thrown around far more often than it should be? And finally, do you think it's unfair that mostly only women receive that label? I don't give a flying fuck how many people a girl is sexually involved with so long as she is safe and open and honest with her partners. I'm not a fan of the word and don't think anyone should be called it. Do you think it's bad to have sex at 15 or younger? I don't think it's smart, really. It's just too young to risk pregnancy. Yes, abortion is an option, but like... a 15 y/o girl should never be faced with that dilemma. I'ma be real tho, I don't think it's a "good" idea until you're at least 18, aaaand I don't know any non-virgin who waited that long. Just try your best to wait, ig. Favorite love song at the moment? Love songs never sit well with me anymore. I mean I can enjoy them, absolutely, I just... have a lot of bitterness. Trying to pick a favorite when you feel like that is like trying to pick the best-looking rotten apple of the bunch. Ever wondered what it would be like dating the same gender as you? I've done that already, and it was great but also scary in a massively homophobic state. Ever paid for sex? No. During thunderstorms, how does your pet react? Neither have a unique reaction; they're unfazed. What internet browser do you use? Google Chrome. Do you like eggnog? Noooo no no. How often do you see your mother? Every day, because I live with her. Do you like croutons in your salad? No, I really don't like the texture difference. Who did you last play truth or dare with? I don't know. Have you ever brewed your own mead, wine, beer or soda? No. Have you had to make any changes in your life lately? If so, what kind of changes? ugh What's the earliest popular thing you can remember from your childhood? Ummm. I mean, probably like Barney or Elmo? Do you prefer practicality or fashionability when it comes to clothes? Well, really neither. I'm the type that wears tank tops in snow, flipflops year-round, sweatpants in summer... so I don't really dress with practicality. I don't care what's "fashionable," so. Comfort pretty much reigns over my wardrobe. Which kinds of berries grow in the wild where you live? There are these little red ones that grow in little groups and somewhat resemble raspberries. I can't remember if they're edible, though... Oh, and muscadine grapes (I had to look up if they were berries lmao) can be found here, too. They're yummy. Beautyberries are another. Have you ever made an article of clothing yourself? If so, what was it? No. Do you go to arcades? If so, what's your go-to game at one? Even before Covid, I never really went to them. I enjoy them, though. I guess my favorite is maybe air hockey? When's the last time you had an alcoholic beverage? What was it? At the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday. It was some kind of sangria... Maybe strawberry and peach? Idr, but it was good. What has been the most enjoyable job you've had? You assume I've had a job I actually enjoyed. How about the least enjoyable job? Well, I barely lasted two hours in a dairy, soooo... When's the last time you had to carefully plan how you used your time? You're asking the wroooong person, 'cuz my life is never busy enough for that. Who do you usually say hello or good morning to first? My snake Venus, usually. Well, that is if her head is peeking out of her hide or is just fully out. Do you ever chat about your favorite video games with your friends? I don't really have gamer friends anymore, so not really. What do you hope you grow out of? Being so goddamn dependent. What movie made you cry the most? I can't say for sure considering it's easy for movies to make me cry, lmao. Maybe Titanic. What was one of the happiest moments of your childhood? Seeing a container of dog food in the far back behind the Christmas tree one year. It's how I learned I was finally gettinga dog (Teddy). What brings you the most joy in life? Probably my cat lmao. What's a hobby you would like to try out? I wanna get back into video editing, I just. Don't have the motivation for it anymore. As with most things. What sort of a kiss do you count as the first kiss? On the lips and with mutual intention. What was the last event you attended? Thanksgiving dinner at my sister's, ig. How about the last event you organized? Me? Organizing an event? What's the biggest insect you've ever seen? In the wild, probably like... a rhinocerous beetle or something. NO NO WAIT. I remember at least once in my life seeing a fucking GINORMOUS moth on the ground one morning. I don't know what kind it was, but jc it was huge. How about the biggest spider? Oh yikes, I'll never forget this: an orb weaver wandering across the floor of our childhood van and under the passenger's seat. Never saw it again. I was afraid to let my feet stay on the floor for a looong time, haha. What's something you'd never ever dare to ask another person? I'd never ask certain "why" questions, like "why did you get an abortion?" or something like that. I can think of valid situations to ask most things, even controversial matters, but no one should ever have to justify something like that. "Why don't you have kids?" is another. That one gets to me. Having children is not an advancement or milestone in everyone's life, and hell, you never know if the woman's had like five miscarriages or something. What's something you've always wanted to ask someone but haven't dared? Why Mom didn't raise her eldest daughter, at least for her whole life. Katie's childhood is a big mystery to me, and I want to know more, but I know the topic is very upsetting to Mom, so I'm not about to make her explain it. What's the worst/best thing you've done without your parents knowing? Saying "worst/best" makes this question confusing... but I'm guessing you mean the best thing to me that they wouldn't have approved of? I really didn't do a lot of things that would fit that description. I can only think of a certain intimate occasion where things happened where they probably shouldn't have. If you wear earrings, what does your favorite pair look like? Ugh, I don't because of the holes being too stretched out from wearing heavy earrings too long. I still haven't gotten to putting proper gauges in so it looks less stupid. Have you ever won any money from a scratch card? Maybe like, $10 or something. How about a slot machine? I've never played one. Do like playing bingo? Sure, it's all right. What small, everyday thing makes you really happy? Cuddling with my cat. Do you enjoy puzzle games? If so, which one's your favorite? Yeah, I do. I can't really pick a favorite, though... Is there a substance you avoid at all costs? If so, what is it and why? I think in a past survey I mentioned my aversion to beer because of the association it has with my dad. I'd never be able to get a sip down. Not that I really want to anyway though, it stinks. What you would you absolutely hate living next door to? Any really busy location or travel hubs, like a train station. My childhood home was near a railroad track, and it sucked, so I can only imagine a station. What would you love to live next door to? A waterfall, uggghhhh. In the woods too to hear plenty of frogs and toads and crickets... What gives you nostalgia? It is very easy to make me nostalgic. The littlest things can do it. Hearing about/seeing/playing childhood video games, like Spyro, is a biggie. Which reminds me how damn badly I wanna play the Reignited trilogy, fuck. I just don't have the proper console. Which language do you think is the most complicated to learn? Well English is supposedly the hardest objectively, but as a native English speaker, I can't say anything about that. In my experience, Latin was like fucking impossible. Is there a place that you might call your second home? I guess Dad's house, but it's not like I'm there a lot. I feel comfortable there, though. How do you imagine your later life to look like? I DO NOT want to think about this. I fucking dread the thought. What is a job you would never in a million years want to do? A butcher. There is absolutely no motherfucking way I ever could do it, even if it kept me off the streets. What's the weirdest building in your city? *shrug* How do you keep in touch with friends usually? Facebook. Do you recognize friends'/family's vehicles by sound? Not anymore. Dad had an old car that was very easy to recognize with its shitty muffler, but he hasn't had that car in years upon years. I used to be able to recognize Jason's old car too because of sound, but primarily because he drove way too fast down our path that when I heard a car zooming over rocks, I knew it was him. What's something new you've just recently learned? It was actually a topic of recent discussion that I may have high-functioning Asperger's. Very, very unusual to learn later in life, but apparently Mom's seen the warning signs in some things since childhood, like my extreme pickiness with textures, my tendency to knead and play with my hands in situations of discomfort, my social ineptitude, hyperfixations, it actually running in our family (which I didn't know beforehand), among a lot of other things. We're not really digging into it though because it just doesn't matter; there's obviously no magic treatment for autism, and me being in therapy and having a psychiatrist to handle my meds is enough. If you were in Harry Potter, which house would you be in? Apparently I'm on the Hufflepuff/Gryffindor line when I took a survey a long time ago. Are you nagged about being on the computer too much? Not anymore, at least on the average day. Mom's accepted it by now. Dad's joked about it before though and I know others have certain opinions about it. Based on your personality, what animal do you think you'd be? Maybe a deer. Shy, reclusive, and always on alert. Have you ever been in a hot tub? Yeah. What song is stuck in your head at the moment? I have "my boy" by Billie Eilish on right now because it's stuck in my head. What's your father's middle name? John. What's the last movie you saw in theaters? Yikes, good question. I think it was The Lion King remake. Have you ever vandalized? No. What's a pet you've always wanted? Most pets I want I've had at some point or another... I guess I'll say a ferret, though I've really only wanted one in concept. I could never keep up with their maintenance, but by god they are the cutest fucking things ever. Do you like mice? I love mice! What's your favorite t-shirt? My "equal in our bones" Cloak shirt. :''') The design is so beautiful and just my style in general, plus I live to support anything Fischfuck takes part in. Did you/will you get a car for your 16th birthday? I'm 25 and still have never had my own car lmaoooo. What's your favorite tomato variety? I generally don't like tomatoes themselves, but rather products made with them, like ketchup. If I'm in the mood though, I do like tomato sandwiches with mayo and bacon; I only ever enjoyed them though if they were fresh right from an old friend's garden. Which well-known person's death shocked you the most, if any? I think Chester Bennington's was the biggest surprise. Rest easy, you legend. What's the craziest color you'd dye your hair? More like what crazy color WOULDN'T I dye it... What was the longest train ride you've been on? I've never been on one. What's the coolest hobby one of your friends has? uhhhhh idk Have you ever played in a stack of hay bales? No. If you could learn any skill, which would you like to learn? Ha, cooking. How do you like your steak? Medium well.

[missjosie27]

Year 2 Part 9- The First Vault

Hello, everyone.

There is good news! I seem to have my mojo back, that spark every writer needs to adequately make their craft. So expect updates to come a lot more often.

This chapter is the vault chapter though it will not mark the end of Year 2. For the record, I intend to write all seven years but that is going to take a hell of a long time given JC's very slow updating schedule haha.

Anyway enjoy this chapter! As always comment what you think. I enjoy it immensely.

Year 2 Part 9. The First Vault

Ben’s hopes for an uneventful end of the semester turned out to be oddly prophetic. The number of ice attacks dropped so significantly that even the first years seemed to be more relaxed going into the latter part of May and into June. Tension ran much lower and even the most brooding Slytherin or skeptical Ravenclaw had to admit things were looking up. Though Dumbledore was still noticeably absent, Professor McGonagall filled in more than adequately as deputy headmistress.

All the while, David felt…conflicted. He was certainly happy that the ice attacks had stopped, and the danger seemingly gone. But that didn’t lead him any closer to finding out what happened to his brother nor the identity of ‘R’ and what they wanted in general. Would he trade for more clues about the cursed vault just to have more information on Jacob? No, he wasn’t that selfish, unlike those such as Merula who only thought about themselves. But it didn’t ease that same longing he’d felt since he was nine years old, nor satisfy his curiosity.

Ben, of course, was ecstatic and Rowan tried to see the bright side as usual, telling him that no curse meant more time to study for their upcoming exams (whoop de doo) and reduce their chances of getting in trouble with the teachers. Bill, however, was the only one who remained unconvinced that the danger had truly passed.

“A magical cursed vault doesn’t just stop cursing people,” he explained one day while at the training grounds. “From what I’ve researched, cursed objects are often unpredictable and not at all stable due to the sheer amount of dark magic they contain.”

“Are these vaults even dark, though?” Rowan pointed out, as he fired a stinging hex towards his target. “It could just be a natural defense mechanism of someone trying to interfere with it.”

“I don’t personally trust anything that has the capacity to seriously maim or kill someone,” David opined.

Bill send a burst of flame forth, incinerating a dummy to ashes.

“If it turns out that this was nothing more than a false alarm, I won’t complain,” he said. “But until we can actually confirm that, it’s best to remain on our toes.”

And remain on their toes they did, thanks to Bill. Three times a week, they were down by the ground training and when they weren’t Rowan was often in the library searching for more books on the ancient Aramaic language they found the previous year, or anything on the vault’s origin. Penny received several new potions books from her mother and was pouring through them for more ideas or possible brews they could use in the event of an attack.

For his part, David tried to juggle the rest of his schoolwork with the vaults. His mother in particular was expecting higher marks this year and constantly reminded him of that in her letters.

Do as I say, not as I do he lamented. It was typical of his mum to offer instruction but little sympathy in doing so. If only Dad actually had a backbone. Whatever, it’s not like they’re actually here seeing what I get up to

All of these things were to bound to come to a head sooner or later and when it did, it was in the most unexpected fashion imaginable.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The day of pandemonium coincidentally was on the last Quidditch match of the season, where Gryffindor was due to play Ravenclaw for the title. The air was abuzz with excitement, and though the Slytherins were more than a bit glum at being out the running, it was expected to be an even, prime time matchup. It was not an atmosphere concerned with the cursed vaults.

That included David and Bill, who in their eager anticipation of the match, rose early and sped down to breakfast both for the purpose of eating and wishing Charlie luck. Since his first match against Slytherin, his ascent into superstardom had been rapid. The game against Hufflepuff was as equally lopsided, with Gryffindor winning 400-100 in a span of about half an hour. But it wasn’t simply the score that had the Lions on the cusp of their first cup since the late seventies, it was a generational talent and that person was Charlie Weasley. His natural ability on a broom was so spectacular, many people openly talked of him playing for England someday. True to his nature, the second eldest Weasley merely shrugged such talk off, choosing instead to focus on the Quidditch Cup but the chatter was undeniable.

“Good luck, little bro,” Bill teased him moments before heading down into the locker room. “You know Fred and George are going to want a full play by play after you win.”

“Knock it off, Bill,” Charlie said, rolling his eyes but there was a small smile on his face all the same. “Just have the butterbeer ready when we come back.”

Giving each other fist bumps, Skye Parkin called over as she tossed the quaffle back and forth between herself and fellow chaser Ruth Barrett.

“Oi, Weasley! Orion’s called us to the pitch! Let’s go!”

“She has a way with words,” Bill observed mildly.

Charlie raised his hands as he got up from the table.

“Just who she is.”

“Knock em, dead, mate. We all know you’ll be brilliant,” David encouraged, giving one last slap on the back.

The red head thanked him and quickly exited the Great Hall to the applause of the Gryffindor table, while the Ravenclaws paid them no mind.

“Gotta say, definitely different than playing Slytherin from a pregame standpoint,” David observed.

“Ravenclaws don’t need to use shady or underhanded tactics to try and intimidate opponents,” Bill pointed out. “Their talent and tactics are usually enough. Besides, their team left for the locker room already.”

“Good point.”

Checking out his watch, David began to wonder where Rowan and Ben were. Both had assured him they’d be down just after himself. Even if his best friend wasn’t the earliest riser when it came to Quidditch matches, he was usually sufficient enough to dress and shower quickly.

“Where are those guys?” he muttered to himself. The Great Hall was beginning to empty out. Even the Professors were absent from the table. Something wasn’t right.

Bill tried to reassure him in his usual cool, collected manner.

“I’m sure they’ll be along s-”

He never was able to finish the sentence as screaming and panic began to erupt from outside of the hall. Whoever was left eating breakfast immediately ran to the scene of the commotion, including the two Gryffindors. What they saw was pure pandemonium: adolescents and teenagers from all houses were running back and forth and wasn’t hard to see why. Numerous spores of ice were blooming all around them, growing at a rapid pace threatening to engulf all in their path.

David and Bill, both glanced at each other, simultaneously gulping. Suddenly, wave of blonde slammed into them.

“Ack! Penny?!”

“Dave! Bill! Oh, I’m so glad I found you,” she said through a tight hug around David’s midsection (he blushed ever so slightly). “Is this the cursed vault?”

“Has to be,” the young Gryffindor replied. “What else could be making such gigantic icebergs?”

Just then, a large mass could be seen moving towards them through the crowd and given his height advantage it wasn’t difficult to spot who it was.

“Dave? Bill? All yehs thank goodness yer alrigh’.”

“Hagrid? What on earth is going on?”

The exceedingly large man’s warm, beetle eyes were saddled with watery worry.

“The cursed ice is spreadin through all o’ Hogwarts!” he replied, nervously tapping a pink umbrella by his side. “It’s getting ter be madness out there. Gryffindor Tower is completely blocked in, the dungeons got icicles stickin out everywhere. An’ apparently the Ravenclaw Quidditch team are trapped inside the changing rooms. The blasted ice is expandin so fas’ that the Professors can’t keep up with it and there’s only so much they can do. Especially with Professor Dumbledore off searchin fer that curse-breaker.”

Hagrid paused and mumbled to himself.

“Ah, shouldn’ta said that, should not have said that.”

“What curse breaker?” David asked curiously. But the groundskeeper waved off their concerns with one of his trash can lid hands.

“Never mind tha’ now. My job is to keep you lot safe until the ice is under control. Now head back into the Grea’ Hall while I go assist Professor McGonagall.”

As he sped off, or as fast as one of his girth could go, David looked back towards his two companions, blocking out the hysteria around him.

“We have to move fast,” he told Bill and Penny. “It sounds like the ice is back with a vengeance.”

“But shouldn’t the Professors handle it?” the blonde asked, fear evident in her crystal, blue eyes.

“It sounds like they have too much on their plate in order to properly deal with the cursed ice. And this time it might not be enough to save the day,” David pointed out.

“We’re forgetting one key thing,” Bill added. “The Professors don’t even know where the origin of this ice is. They may not be able to fix it.”

“But we do. And we can,” David declared. “Bill’s right. No one besides us knows where this vault is located. It’s time for a third and final visit.”

Bill looked over his shoulder to ensure no one was listening, simultaneous worry and conflict on his handsome features. However, he also appeared resolved.

“I didn’t want to go back in there without at least four or five us just so we could have each other’s backs, but it looks like there’s no choice. The three of us will go in, break that curse, and save Hogwarts.”

David nodded in complete agreement. As much as he wanted Rowan and Ben with them, his two roommates were effectively trapped within the common room. They were the last remaining hope.

“It’s settled then. Penny, are you in?”

Though her own misgivings could still be seen in her face and body posture, Penny didn’t hesitate in her answer.

“Absolutely. I told you David that the next time something like this happens to involve me. Well, you’re going to keep that promise whether you like it or not.”

She truly is the most loyal Hufflepuff I’ve ever seen

“You’re amazing, Penny. Alright let’s go!”

And without so much as a second thought, the three teens took off running towards the thirteenth corridor.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It didn’t take long to reach the corridor nor for David to reveal the hidden entrance. Being the third go around, he could pinpoint the spot precisely and the power of being an advanced Transfiguration student certainly didn’t hurt either.

When the eerie hallway and steps were exposed, Penny was taken aback.

“Whoa,” she uttered softly. “I’ve never seen a cursed vault before, but even this is a lot to take in at one time.”

“Stay close,” David nodded towards her. The last thing he needed was more casualties on this trip. Rowan and Bill had nearly frozen to death in each of the last instances. He would ensure nothing of the sort happened to Penny. However, her inexperience was showing already. The two Gryffindor teens already knew what to expect unlike the blonde Hufflepuff.

“Don’t worry,” he tried to reassure her. “It’s okay to be scared. We all are.”

“But it always helps to have a bit background. Especially for someone who’s never seen all of this macabre rubbish,” Bill joked.

Penny gave a frail smile, nevertheless she remained quite frightened of the ominous knights and ancient statues that surrounded them.

“What should I expect?” she asked bravely.

“If memory serves correctly, there will be a chamber with a massive door of ice in front of us, guarded by a giant shield shaped like a snowflake,” Bill explained to her.

“You’re taking the mickey, right?”

David resisted the urge to laugh despite the seriousness of the situation.

“It sounds pretty unbelievable but trust me, Penny. We’re not lying.”

As if to prove his point they came across the same giant wall of ice that stood against their path to the doors, twice as thick and formidable as before.

“Well…this is a problem,” David observed. “Will the knockback jinx be enough, Bill?”

“It’s our only hope, mate,” Bill told him, pulling out his wand. “If we hit it at the same time, it should be enough to create a big enough entry way for us to fit through.”

The two second years copied the older boy and prepared to fire.

“Give it all you got, Penny,” David told her, giving a look of encouragement. “Whatever ounce of power you think you have….summon every ounce of it.

I’m going to need it too

“On the count of three,” Bill announced and Penny’s normally cute, bubbly features took on an uncharacteristic degree of determination. “One….two….THREE!”

“Flipendo!”

Beams of blue light struck the ice with a tremendous force but to their dismay, only a slight dent was made, indicating the defenses were much stronger than originally thought of.

“Try it again. One…two…THREE!”

“Flipendo!”

This time a small hole was made through the ice, but it was barely big enough for a man to go ice fishing.

“One more,” Bill breathed heavily. “We can do this. On my count…one…two…THREE!”

This time, their efforted yielded paydirt as the combined power of their spells blasted the ice apart, leaving a man sized opening just big enough for them duck through.

“When you get inside, spread out and be ready when the door starts blasting its freezing charms,” the eldest Weasley informed them. “Penny, you remember the fire spell, yeah?”

“Incendio, right?”

“That’s the one. As soon as you get close enough to it, blast it with all your power.”

David nodded in affirmation. There was no time to think or get fancy, the only objective was to get past that door and ensure that this curse was broken once and for all. As for what came after….they could deal with that later.

Sure, enough as they entered the icy chamber and drew close, the snowflake shield began firing off freezing curses, causing the three teens to roll off to one side in order to avoid them.

“I see what you mean!” Penny yelled, drawing her wand. “Also, really wish I’d worn something other than a skirt had I known we’d literally be going into a cursed vault!”

David fired a knockback jinx to buy them some time, but their offensive nearly stalled as a freezing spell nearly hit Bill, causing him to slip forward on the slick, unstable surface.

“That was too close,” he muttered. “Alright, after the next curse it shoots off, fire away with everything you got.”

David drew his own wand and aimed carefully, shrinking low on the steps, concentrating all of his magic into the biggest inferno ball he could imagine in his head. By the hardened look on Penny’s face, she was evidently doing the same. As soon as the next freezing spell (aimed for Bill again) passed, he and the Hufflepuff were on their feet charging the door.

“INCENDIO!!” they roared simultaneously.

With their combined strength, huge plumes of fire issued forth and made contact with the shield attached the door. Through the heat and acrid smoke, David could see that the icy fortification was melting into a pool of water onto the floor. By the time the fire barrage ended, it was completely gone.

“YES!” he exclaimed. “We finally got rid of that bloody thing.”

The group barely had time to celebrate however as ominous rumbling could be heard from inside of the door, the ground quaking as though a giant were approaching.

“I don’t like the sound of that,” Penny stated, anxiety back on her face.

“I just realized, David,” Bill said turning to him. “All this time we thought this door was keeping us out of the vault…but what if it was keeping something IN?”

It was a consideration they had no time to discuss more for at that moment, as the massive doors opened to reveal a terrifying sight: an Ice Knight, made of iron but covered completely in chunks of snow and frost, about ten feet tall carrying a massive sword. It did not look pleased at their intrusion.

“Merlin’s Beard,” Bill breathed. “Everyone, take cover!!”

But he was too late. The knight struck out with his sword creating an icy wind so fierce, so deathly cold that one could not stand against it without plunging into a winter induced coma. In a quick succession, Bill’s body was quickly entrapped in ice as was Penny’s. Fortunately for David, he had managed to jump out of the way in time, all except his foot, which he managed to free.

“Blasted thing…” he muttered, ripping his foot away and breaking the containment. He ignored the rising chill in his bones as he saw his two friends stuck in blocks of ice so thick, it was a wonder they could move at all. Both of their faces were already turning blue.

“L-look out!” Bill warned threw chattered teeth as the knight swung his blade once more.

Again, David had to dive out of the away to avoid getting caught in the same prison. Wheeling around, he aimed his wand and issued out another fire blast. It caught the knight square in the chest, causing it to reel back but otherwise had no effect.

“Uh oh.”

For the third time, he avoided a blizzard blast but only just barely. There was no telling how long he could keep this up. Not to mention the health and safety of his friends were increasingly in jeopardy. He wasn’t going to win by simply dodging the strikes.

“D-D-Dave,” Penny managed to utter out. “C-c-come here. Reach into m-m-my j-j-jumper pocket.”

He did not argue, running over to her and doing as instructed. Within seconds, a bottle of green potion was in his hand.

“It’s f-f-fire breathing p-p-potion. I know i-i-it’s risky b-b-but it might be our only h-h-hope.”

“S-s-she’s right!” Bill called out in agreement. “You h-h-have to use it n-n-now!”

In a split second David managed to consider the options: fire breathing potion could damage someone’s esophagus and stomach beyond repair if too much was ingested at one time. And would it be enough to actually take down their adversary? Unless…

Wait a second, I have an idea

Ducking another blast from the Ice Knight, David wasted no more time. He quickly chugged the potion, feeling its warmth rush down his throat and into the pit of his gut (it was rather like ingesting tasteless, extremely hot water). Putting his wand directly in front of his mouth, he ran up to the Knight, and knelt down on one knee.

Summoning a deep breath, David aimed straight for its midsection with only a second to spare.

“INCENDIOOOOO!!!!”

The fire breathing potion combined with the spell of his wand issued a concentrated beam of fire so powerful that it cut through the giant’s armor like a hot knife through butter, leaving a gaping hole in the middle of its body. As soon as the damage was recognized the silent knight looked down, fell to its knees before bursting into a cloud of snow and dust.

Panting heavily, David barely even registered his victory, rushing over to help Bill and Penny. Using the last of his fire breathing reserved, he managed to carefully blow a ring of fire around the ice, cracking it to the point where both could effectively free themselves.

“D-Dave, do you know what you j-just did?” Penny asked him, her pretty features in full awe.

“Careful, Penny. You’re still shivering pretty badly.”

“F-forget me, that was the m-most amazing thing I’ve ever s-seen!”

“She’s right you know,” Bill concurred. His body still quaked as well but his larger size and body mass ensured he did not feel the effects quite as badly. “Dave, I’ve never seen a second year do that before. You just took down something ancient, something way beyond what most wizards have ever seen.”

It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate the compliments, but David had seen this story before. Rowan and Bill each required sufficient time to recover from the door blasts and the knight’s power was far stronger than that. They needed to get to the hospital wing.

“Guys, let’s go see Madam Pomfrey before you freeze to death, come on-”

“Not before you enter that vault,” Bill cut him off.

“Forget the vault,” David insisted, supporting Penny with his own body weight. “We need to leave this place.”

“Leave after everything we did to open the bloody door?” Bill barked out with a laughter. “Not likely. David we’ll be fine. This is what you wanted: the first step in finding the answers about your brother. Go, I can take care of Penny.”

Before he could protest, the blonde placed a soft, feminine hand over his mouth.

“Hush,” she said with a smile. “B-Bill’s right, we’re b-both okay.”

Swallowing, but also nodding his head, David acquiesced to their insistence. He didn’t like the idea of leaving them behind whilst they were still in considerable trouble, but curiosity and desire overrode his fear. Any immediate threat was gone now. It was time to see just what was behind those frozen doors.

“Together,” he said to them. “All three of us.”

His friends smiled at him.

“If you insist, David.”

And just as he insisted, the three friends stepped inside the doors into the unknown.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

In contrast to the snowy, ice cream covered walls of the chamber outside, the inside of the vault was quite similar to the hallway in its décor and decoration. It was also considerably warmer. Inside was a dark, copper green colored room lined with four different knight statues, all resembling the one they had just fought. In the center was a lit column, situated upon a stone pillar, lit by a soft, yellowish glow the emanated from the inside. Upon the column, was an ancient language, the same that Rowan translated a year earlier.

“Unbelievable,” Penny breathed out.

“There is definitely something to this column here,” Bill said, rubbing his chin.

“Perhaps it has something inside?” David suggested to which eldest Weasley shrugged.

“Only one way to find out, mate. You can do the honors.”

The second year Gryffindor didn’t hesitate. Foolish as it may seem to touch a mysterious magical object of unknown origin and power, the nagging desire was too much to resist for him. He didn’t know what to expect really, if anything at all. However, a curious thing occurred upon his finger resting on the column. It began to shift and unfold as though it were a flower in bloom. What lay inside was odder still. They seemed to be hovering in midair in a yellowish mist.

“A broken wand and a book? Not exactly the treasure I was hoping for,” Bill observed.

“Who knows? Maybe their clues,” David countered. And before he could stop himself he reached inside and attempted to take the two objects. Upon doing so, a familiar voice began echoing loudly inside his head.

Find the other four vaults, David….Find my room…

Could it be…Jacob?

“Find your room?” he asked the voice aloud. “I don’t understand.”

You can’t let ‘her’ get there first! Hurry!

“Who’s her?” he asked again. “What do you mean?”

Just then he was pulled back from the center of the column by Bill.

“Dave! Snap out of it!”

“Wha?”

Bill looked at Penny and back to him, his expression confused and concerned.

“You were in some kind of trance. You kept talking to someone lime if they were in the room with us.”

“I…heard a voice,” David admitted, not knowing what else to say.

“Who?”

“My brother….told me to keep finding the other vaults. You must think I’m mad, don’t you?”

They must think I’m off my rocker. I don’t blame them either

To his surprise, neither Penny nor Bill seemed to regard him as a madman waiting to go to the looney bin.

“For what it’s worth, I believe you, Dave,” Penny spoke up.

“So do I. I could believe anything after what we just went through,” Bill agreed.

“Did he say anything specific?”

David regained his senses and analyzed the situation for a moment. How was it possible that he had just heard his brother? Even in the wizarding world, witnessing voices that weren’t there was not a good sign and yet he couldn’t shake the feeling what he heard was not the work of insanity.

“He told me to locate his room and that there are four more vaults, specifically. And to find them before ‘her’. Whoever that is.”

“Her?” Penny repeated. “This just keeps on getting weirder.”

“I concur,” Bill said. “But what about the wand and book?”

David inched closer once more and took both of the objects without further visitation from the voice. Upon inspection, he recognized the wand’s true owner.

“This is Jacob’s wand. The one he had while at Hogwarts. I’d know it anywhere.”

Bill took the leather bound journal from him and began flipping the pages, his eyebrows furrowed in befuddlement.

“This book, whoever it belonged to, is nothing but scribbles and random drawings. It appears the author was quite mad.”

“Could it be a clue to the location of the next vault?” Penny asked.

David didn’t know what to think. Far from answering questions, their journey and entry to the vault seemed to invite more questions, thickening this mystery even further. The quest to find his brother now took on a whole new meaning.

“I have no idea,” Bill said quietly after a moment of pondering. “But what I do know is that we need to get out of here before we get caught.”

Snapping back to his senses, the second year almost forgot how long they had been in here. It was long past overdue for their departure.

“Bill’s right. We don’t want to find any of the teachers waiting for us by the time we get back. It’s time to go.”

“Do you think that we stopped the cursed ice for good?” Penny wondered aloud. “I hope no one got hurt.”

It was a sentiment they all shared but one they had no way of knowing until they returned back to the halls of Hogwarts. With enough adventure completed for one day, the trio made their way out of the vault and into the thirteenth corridor.

[kunoichi-ume]

7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in. 8. How did you get involved in your latest fandom? 17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite? 23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it. 41. List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading: 46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why? 😁

ThisFanfiction Questions

Wow that is a lot of questions, nosy much? Jk thanks friend :D

7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in. 

I don’t know that I have proper NoTPs just ones I am not really fond of - especially in fanworks. Idk why but for some reason fanfiction about a canon couple is just boring to me, I already know they are together so why would I need more stories about it? 

One Piece: Luffy and well... anyone. He is too in love with adventure to have a romance and lets be real, always feels like a little kid unless he is in one of his “gotta win or everyone is screwed” serious moments. 

Fairy Tail: I do not like Ju.via and Gray, enough that I don’t even want to chance her name ending with this in her tag because many people in that fandom are toxic and last time I dared say I don’t like this ship I got bitched at for it. Sorry, I just don’t find stalking someone until they give in to be romantic. 

Naruto: I do not get people liking Sasuke with pretty much anyone, but especially Sakura or Naruto. He is an ass to them repeatedly and they both deserve better - and being very honest, he deserved much stricter punishment for all the ship he pulled. 

Star Wars: I am going to preface this with this: I haven’t seen Clone Wars. Not all of it. Probably won’t. But I don’t like the Obi-Wan and Satine relationship. Everything I have seen of it just doesn’t jive for me, even though both voice actors are adorably sweet and meeting them was a blast. 

Swtor: I have not done all the romances yet, so this may change, but the SW and Jaesa is just... disappointing. Its mostly about her being possessive and manipulative and very little actual romance. The other SW relationships prove is doesn't have to be that way, so why is she? I get that they were probably going for the whole “fallen Jedi going balls to the wall crazy” but yeah, didn’t need to happen and I hated it so much I cut the romance planes I had for her and Tully even though I already planned to write it differently. 

8. How did you get involved in your latest fandom? 

I started playing Swtor and didn’t know about the romance options so when I could suddenly flirt with Doc I even stopped playing to turn to my husband and go “omg I can flirt with this guy?” He knew this of course and was just like “yeah...” (Honestly I had made a trial account for swtor when it first came out and if I had known about the romance options in the stories I probably would have staying with it instead of forgetting about the game). It was only a matter of time before I wanted to write a story about Noara and Doc, because I did totally ship them until a certain blond Mandalorian made his presence known.

17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite? 

First otp... I think that would be Nami and Trafalgar Law from One Piece. I love them so much, even now despite not being active in the fandom and soooo behind on both the manga and the anime. They are not my current favorite though, that has to be Noara and Torian. 

23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it. 

Oh goodness a fic I am especially fond of? And why? Thats a tough one because I have little bits of love for all of them but I mean.... A Poor Stand In is probably one of my favorite things I have ever written for many reasons, the subject matter, approach and reactions mainly. Plus it just makes me laugh, I find it very funny on a lot of levels. Still waiting for someone to ask me wtf is wrong with me that I wrote this but since no one has maybe people are more into Khem then they like to admit? ;)

On a more serious note I am very fond of Well Played Cadera because I like the blend of Noara’s anxiety and fears, the arguing, the humor. Torian is a little shit in it and is so right to be, and it works too. He is figuring out how to get his Jedi to listen to him, even if it means taking off all his clothing. 

41. List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading: 

I have been terrible about reading fanfiction lately but  seeing as how my Goodreads challenge is sitting at 98/30 for the year I am going to cut myself some slack and just say I am on a sicfi romance novel kick that is taking precedence over fanworks. That being said there are some that of course I am following and even if I am a little behind on I totally intend to catch up. 

Heart on a Trigger by @cinlat

Part 4 of the Meet Me On The Battlefield series about Mandalorian turned Republic Trooper Fynta Wolfe and Aric Jorgan, plus a large cast of other amazing characters (like Cormac, I love that big fluffy teddy bear). I am sure anyone paying attention to my blog is surpsied I am keeping up with this one, I get sneak peaks at updates before they come out (or are even edited properly) and my girl Noara is a small background character. 

Something Better by @shimmersing

This was recently finished and omg, I need to go read it all but I just know it’s going to be good. I adore the way Shimmer writes Aitahe and Erithon and, honestly, it being a non-canon couple availabe in game makes it just that much more appealing to me (because no matter how this JC and Trooper end up together, it’s new to me and not just rehashing the game, makes it exciting!).

Abundance of Faith by Laivaaja

The Summary: Star Wars Fan Comic: Emperor Palpatine's suspicions of Darth Vader grow intolerable, which will cause the Empire and the Imperial Navy to be torn into two separate directions. Several officers will step up in this time of confusion, and Darth Vader will form new surprisingly faithful alliances.Yeah that’s it, great art, comic book story telling, Vader being surprised by his men. It’s a fun ride. 

Chaos and Opportunity by @inquisitorhotpants

I haven’t read it in a while, but anything I have read as many times as I have this one needs to be on this list. I love the dynamic between Marr and Kryn and how their relationship develops and the way this story doesn’t accept canon (I was so concerned about Marr’s in game death and at least in this story about them that didn’t happen and I for one am thankful for it).

The One That Got Away by @punsbulletsandpointythings

Another SW but not Swtor one, this one has so much wonderful angst, fluff, humor and love in it and every update has left me dying to know what was going to happen next. Give me some time travel possibly doomed from the start romance any day. 

46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend  to them and why? 

Humm... of works only written by me probably I’ve Got You even though I haven't updated in ages (I have been working on it the last few days though, that has to count for something) because it is what really got me back into writing after not doing it in a long time and the main story really exploring how a Jedi and a Mandalorian can work out in a relationship. 

Of things I wrote with @cinlat Thunder and Scars for sure. The whole undertaking of this fic was both so much fun but also such a labor of love and heartache. There is one scene in it that even thinking about it now makes me tear up a little and I am not usually that emotional. Exploring those emotions through Noara and the family she found with Fynta, Cormac and Aric was a wonderful learning experience both for her as a character and me as a writer. 

[hajimeme-hinata]

Hi this is probably the best thing I've ever written but it's not finished and probably never will be so I don't wanna post it on ao3 so.. here it is (it's dangan btw)

Ibuki

--hajime!!

--hajime!!

--hajime answer your phone!!

--hajime!!

--are you sleeping?

--hajime!!

--hajime!!

--hajime!!

--h

--a

--j

--I

--m

--e

--wake up

--h

--a

--j

You

--JC IBUKI IT'S 12 O CLOCK WHAT DO YOU WANT

Ibuki

--hajime!

--come over to ibuki's house!

You

--Wait, now?

Ibuki

--yeah!

You

--Why?

Ibuki

--because ibuki wants you to to!

You

--I'm not going to your apartment at midnight just because you want me to

--I need sleep

--Which you have rudely awakened me from btw

Ibuki

--but hajime it's only 12

--you can spare some time to come over!

You

--But I'm tired

--What if I crash into a gas station

--Driving sleep deprived is very dangerous

Ibuki

--i'll just have mahiru pick you up!

You

--Wait you mean Koizumi?

--Wait Ibuki

--Why her

--Ibuki

--What are you doing

--Ibuki

--Ibuki

-----

"Hajime!" Ibuki was practically exploding with energy, not like that was any different then normal. "You came! Ibuki thought you fell back asleep! Mahiru would have been really angry if you were sleeping when she came!" I have a feeling Koizumi would have shown up angry no matter what I did... "Did Mahiru find your apartment or did you drive here yourself?"

"Oh, I found his apartment." Koizumi spoke from behind me, "It's a miracle I did, with those really vague directions you sent me."

Ibuki looked confused for a second. "Vague? Ibuki only gives the best of directions!"

"I'm pretty sure Hinata can agree that what you sent me was not 'the best of directions'."

I nodded, "I'm gonna have to back up Koizumi on this one, describing every street with a song title isn't very effective." It took Koizumi having to call me to figure out if I actually lived on a street called 'As Warm as Your Freshly Spilled Blood' to even know what part of town I lived in.

"It's the only way Ibuki can remember... Regular street names aren't very fun..." She looked at the wall in thought before snapping back to her bouncing self. "Anyways, you guys are late! Everyone else is already here!" Ibuki grabbed my hand in one hand and Koizumi's in the other, dragging us further in the apartment and calling out pretty loudly, "Guess who's here!"

After pulling us into a hallway, Ibuki stopped and motioned us to stay put, and walked up to another doorway. Koizumi let out a sigh, and Ibuki immediately turned around to shush her. I sat down, and Koizumi followed suit. Ibuki practically leaped into the other room with a yell. "Guess who's here!"

"We heard you the first time," a voice came from the room in response to her, "and I thought you weren't inviting anyone else."

"Hold on," I whispered to Koizumi, who was also listening to the conversation, "Is that Saionji?"

She pushed my shoulder, making me lose my balence a little. "Shut up, I'm trying to listen."

I repositioned myself and focused on the voices again. "Ibuki didn't tell you more of Ibuki's friends are coming over because she wanted to surprise you! Now guess!"

"I-I know! Is it S-Sonia?" Tsumiki's soft voice asked.

"Nope!"

"Would it be Komaeda?" That sounded like Pekoyama, how many people could possibly be here?

"Close!"

"How was that close?" I whispered again, and the photographer next to me hit me.

"Well you're both terrible at following directions, for one."

I turned my head to face her, "What directions am I supposed to follow, we weren't given any!"

Her annoyed expression was starting to turn to one of anger, "The one where I told you to stop talking because I can't hear if you don't!"

"Well I remember Ibuki telling us both to be quiet, so it looks like I'm not the only one not following directions."

Koizumi squeezed her eyes shut, "Ugh, boys are so ann-"

"I'll guess Hajime and Koizumi, since I can hear them arguing in the hallway."

We both stopped at the mention of our names. The thumping of what I assumed was Ibuki jumping slightly shook. "Correct, Chiaki!" Ibuki appeared in the doorway again, color streaked hair bouncing along with her. "You guys gave yourselves away! You need to let them guess first!"

I stood up from my spot on the floor and stretched. "Sorry, Ibuki. I guess we were getting excited waiting to see who was here."

Her eyes lit up right away, "Oh yeah, you still don't know who's here!" She reached over to Koizumi first and slapped her hand over her eyes, making Koizumi let out a sound of surprise and struggle for a second before giving up. She then turned quickly toward me, and her other hand flew toward my face, and I out of reflex shut my eyes quickly and tried to duck my head. Her hand hit my face at high speeds anyways. Sometimes I forget just how fast she can be...

"Mahiru, close your eyes! Ibuki can see you opening them!" I felt Ibuki pull me along, then felt her lift her hand from my face. "Okay... Now open your eyes!"

I blinked my eyes open. Chiaki, Pekoyama, Saionji, and Tsumiki all sat in a half circle on the floor, staring up at us.

Chiaki was the first to speak. "Hello, Hajime. I thought you'd be sleeping by now."

I looked off to the side with I sigh. "I was supposed to be..."

"Hiyoko!" Koizumi sounded angry, "You didn't tell me you were coming here!"

Saionji's eyes widened. "Ah..!" Her eyes started to water. "Ibuki told me not to tell you..”

The singer nodded quickly. "It's true! Ibuki wanted it to be a secret..! To surprise Mahiru!"

Koizumi's expression softened. "That makes sense.."

"Great!" Ibuki sat down directly across from Tsumiki. I followed her lead and sat down next to her, Chiaki on my other side, closing part of the circle. Koizumi also complied, sitting next to Ibuki and Saionji, closing the circle completly.

"So," Ibuki started off, "You're probably all wondering why I brought you here. Well..." She threw her hands in the air. "It's Ibuki's birthday!"

Saionji's expression turned to confusion. "What? It's not your birthday."

"I-I agree with Saionji, I-Ibuki.. Today is November 26, and I believe your birthday is November 27..." Tsumiki spoke quietly, not making eye contact.

"Hey, I was still talking you little-"

"Hey!" Ibuki reached across Koizumi and pushed Saionji backwards, making her screech and fall back. "It's my birthday, so no fighting!" After patting Tsumiki's head, she sat back down. "And it is my birthday! Look at the time! It's been my birthday for twenty three minutes!"

Chiaki nodded. "So you're pulling the 'technically' card, hmm?"

Ibuki just giggled. "And so, in celebration of my birthday, I've invited all of my bestest friends to have a sleepover with!"

"What...?" I stared at her. "You didn't tell me that!"

"You didn't tell me any of that either!" Koizumi spoke up again.

"I'm afraid she didn't tell any of us." Pekoyama answered in a calm voice, and turned to look at Ibuki. "What is the meaning of this?"

"Ibuki wanted you all to be surprised! Like a reverse surprise party!"

"You could've at least told us to bring some extra clothes or something..." Koizumi mumbled.

Ibuki smiled. "Don't worry, you won't need anything Ibuki doesn't have! Besides, we won't be sleeping, so that one less thing you need stuff for!"

"Hold on." I interrupted quickly, "What do you mean we won't be sleeping?"

"It means, we won't be sleeping! Ibuki's sleepover is going to be so fun we won't have time for sleeping!"

"But Ibuki! I need sleep! If I don't get enough I start getting pissed off at everything!"

Saionji grumbled, "Then you must be tired all the time..."

"Good thing you slept already today Hajime!" I tried to argue with her, but she wrapped her arm around me and pulled me closer to her, making me fall against her side.

"Ibuki-!" I stuggled to get up, but she was holding me down with her arm. "Ibuki!"

"Before the wild night of fun starts, Ibuki must set up some rules!" I finally pried my head out from her arm. Wow, she's really strong... "First: no fighting! Ibuki won't name names, but people with spiky hair, red hair, and banana hair should listen!" Saionji scowled. "No one is allowed to yell at each other! Anyone that does will be sent to the closet of doom~!" Ibuki pointed to the hallway, "It's small and crowded and filled with stuff from the previous owner Ibuki was too lazy to throw away!"

Koizumi frowned. "I thought I told you to clean that closet ou-"

"Second!" She held up two fingers, "What Ibuki says goes! It's Ibuki's birthday!"

"That's pretty much setting up a monarchy for yourself..." I leaned my head on my hand.

"Monarchys don't exist if it's their birthday!" She put up another finger. "Third!" Ibuki looked like she was about to say something else, then stopped, looking deep in thought. "...Well... Ibuki hadn't thought past rule two... but if Ibuki need to add more Ibuki will!"

Pekoyama nodded. "That seems fair enough."

"Now that we've gotten rules out of the way," Ibuki sat up straight, "Who has an idea of what to do?"

I stared at her. "You mean after calling us all to your house in the middle of the night and surprising us with a sleepover, you have no plans?"

Ibuki laughed nervously. "Well... Getting Hajime out of bed via text took up a lot of my time... Besides! Spontaneous things always go much better then planned things! So, what do you want to do?"

Chiaki tapped her lip. "Hmm.. what to do with a group of people..."

"Maybe we could all tell ghost stories in the dark, then go to sleep." Everyone ignored me, not like I expected any different.

Chiaki spoke again, "How about something like a 'club activity'?"

I thought for a second before nodding in agreement. "Yeah, actually, that'd be really fitting for right now."

"Um..." Tsumiki stuttered, "I-I don't mean to be r-rude but... W-What's a 'club activity'?"

"Yeah, I'm with Mikan! What's a club activity?"

"Well," Chiaki explained, "I'll leave out the confusing specifics, but basically everyone plays a game, and whoever loses has to do a punishment everyone agrees on, like annoying a teacher, wearing a maid outfit to school, buying a parenting book at the grocery store-"

"Oh! So it's a game with a reason to win!" Ibuki exclaimed. "That seems fun!"

"So all we need is a game to play, right?" Pekoyama pulled on the strap of her sword case.

Ibuki's eyes lit up and she jumped to her feet. "Ibuki knows the perfect game!" She ran out of the room, and after a few seconds of crashing noises she came back in holding something and threw it in the middle of the circle. "Ta da! I found it in the closet of doom a few days ago!"

Koizumi leaned forward to read the title on the pack. "Uno?"

"Uh-huh! It seems pretty fun! You pass cards around and find the Uno card!"

I looked at her. "That's, uh, not how you play.."

"Here," Koizumi snatched the pack of cards and opened the top. "I've played before."

"Hold on." Chiaki held out her hand into a stop motion. "We still need to choose the punishment."

Ibuki smiled and laughed. "Oh, Ibuki has the best punishment..."

---

"Come on, Hajime, you can do it!" Chiaki sat next to me, trying to cheer me on. I stared at my cards. Ever since we started, I've been gathering cards, with no hope I'll ever get rid of them. So far, Chiaki, Pekoyama, Ibuki, and Koizumi have all gotten rid of all their cards, in that order. All that's keeping me from joining them is Tsumiki, Saionji, and a handful of cards.

"Hey Hinata, it's your turn." Hearing Koizumi's voice pulled me out of my concentration. I choose one of my cards and placed it on the pile. Maybe if I can lay down enough skips, I can-

"There!" A soft voice made me snap my head up. Tsumiki had a small smile, and no cards in her hands.

"Yay!" Ibuki threw her arms around Tsumiki. "Mikan won! She won't need to do the punishment!" She squished her face into Tsumiki's side, making Tsumiki giggle.

"Come on, Hajime, it's the final stretch!" Chiaki continued to say words of encouragement. It was probably a lost cause, though, since it looked like Saionji was running out of cards. Then again, she had a lot of cards too, so maybe...

We continued on, me carefully placing cards, Saionji sweating and concentrating hard, both of us silent.

"Come on Hiyoko..." Koizumi whispered, looking as concentrated as Saionji. The short girl picked up another card from the drawpile with a shaking hand and threw it on the stack.

"Uno!" She held a single card in her hand, smiling. Crap, if I don't put down the right card it could be all over for me... I stared at my last cards in my hands.

"There's only a one in four chance the card you lay down will work with her's, even less with the amount of other cards you could put down." Chiaki's right, the chances are pretty low.. I searched my cards. I used all my special cards earlier in the game, so all I had left were regulars. I choose a red six and gritted my teeth. Maybe, if I'm lucky...

Saionji just smiled bigger and laid down her last card: a wild card.

"Haha! Big bro Hinata lost!" She threw her hands in the air, laughing.

I groaned and laid back, covering my face in defeat. "No..."

"Yup! Hajime lost! He has to do the super duper terrible punishment!" Ibuki pumped the air with her fist.

"Ugh..." I curled into a ball on the floor. I'm dead...

Chiaki patted my head, probably out of sympathy. "You tried."

--

"Hajime!" Ibuki pounded on the bathroom door.

"There's no way I'm wearing this! It can't be the only thing you have!" The outfit Ibuki had given me was a pair of extremely torn up jeans, with slashes down the front and back of them, and a frayed t shirt with a band I've never heard of before.

"That's Ibuki's second greatest outfit! If Hajime doesn't like it he won't like anything else!"

I sighed, looked at my myself in the mirror one last time, and opened the door. Thankfully, only Ibuki was there, the others must have stayed back in the other room.

Ibuki's eyes lit up. "What's Hajime talking about! That looks great!"

I pulled on the shirt. "I look like a scene kid."

"Ibuki would hope so, Ibuki wore it during her scene days!" That made sense...

"Do you have anything else? As much as I love this," I gestured to the clothes, "I don't think it's really my style."

"Everyone will vote on it then!" Ibuki ran to the doorway, "Hajime wants to show you all something!"

"Ibuki, no I don't!" I was too late to stop her, though, because the shout had been heard.

Tsumiki ran in first. "W-What is it Ibu..." She stopped in her tracks when she saw me. "H-Huh?"

Saionji pushed the nurse out of the way. "Why the heck are you ye-" She stared at me for a second before bursting into laughter. "Big bro Hinata, you look great! Very flashy!"

"What are you wearing, Hinata?!"

"I think you should keep the scene stuff to Ibuki, Hajime."

I groaned. "Ibuki, do I seriously have to wear this? It's really tight and itchy.."

Ibuki nodded, "Yup! Ibuki thinks Hajime looks great! Although, Ibuki thinks he would look better if he dyed his hair..!" She jumped forward and patted at the hair near the my face, and I swatted her hand away.

"Well, I guess if this is all the punishment is I can endure it." I stretched my arms as far above my head as I could without ripping the fabric.

Ibuki's eyebrows scrunched up. "Huh? Ibuki doesn't understand."

I turned to her. "What?"

"This is just Hajime's outfit he's gonna wear for the punishment! Ibuki doesn't want his normal clothes getting all dirty!"

Pekoyama looked at Ibuki. "Ibuki, what do you mean? I thought we discussed the punishment earlier."

The guitarist averted her eyes, laughing guiltily. "Ahaha, well, you see.. Ibuki thought that punishment wasn't original enough! Jumping into a freezing pool at a sleepover? Ibuki feels like that's been done before!"

"Ibuki," Koizumi put her hands on her hips, "You can't just change the punishment because it's 'not origi-'"

Ibuki jumped, "But Mahiru, Ibuki's thought of a much better punishment! Besides, remember rule number one!"

Koizumi rolled her eyes. I turned to Ibuki, "Wait, so if I'm not getting wet, why did I need to change clothes?"

Ibuki smiled. "Ibuki told you, you might dirty!"

I sighed as Ibuki raised both her hands, "Now who wants to put on some blindfolds and get into Mahiru's car!" She grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me out of the bedroom before I could question the blindfold part of that statement, and I heard Koizumi follow us.

"Wait, why my car?!"

--

"Ibuki, why can't you drive? I don't even know where we're going."

"Mahiru is the only one qualified! Ibuki got her licence taken away after a boat party last year!"

After being thrown in between Saionji and Nanami and -true to Ibuki's word- blindfolded, I couldn't really tell

[monsternme0101-blog]

He knew what I was...❤🦂

Let me begin this life event by saying this... Since the demise of my marriage, I have become a different person. I call this my "AHA moment." That moment when you sat back and thought to yourself that, you really fucking are going to be okay.  After Johnny left, he moved on. We got to where we aren't talking shit anymore. And sometimes have real conversations. Our marriage is over. We loved hard and we loved fierce...but there was more than 2 in that marriage. We used to say "You and me and the devil make 3." I loved that man. So fucking much.  I fucked up. We were already cracked, but I was the one that broke us. A stupid decision that I made in a bad part of our lives. I will always always regret it. If it makes a difference Johnny, despite what you think, that killed me too. And in my soul, it scarred me too. Breaking your heart and destroying you, seeing that light go out in your eyes for me, destroyed me.  I will never hurt anyone like that again. I am so sorry. I'm glad I had THAT love and I am glad it was you. You're still a fucking dick for the cops shit, having me arrested a couple of times and being an overall evil person. So fuck you for that.  Since I left JC, all that shit happened. It hurt. Really fucking bad. I got spun the fuck off. Bad. Really bad. At one point, I was completely hopeless and didn't give a shit anymore. I was done.  During this time I heard a story that literally changed my life. A friend of mine, Rita told me a story about a scorpion. 🦂🦂 There was a scorpion on a rock in the middle of a rapidly moving river. The scorpion needed to get to the other side of the river. A man walking on the bank saw the scorpion on the rock and told him he would give him a lift to the other side under one condition. "You can't sting me." He told the scorpion. The scorpion agreed and the man picked him up.  When his feet hit the bank on the other side the scorpion stung him. He says to tge scorpion, "You stung me. You've killed me. Why?" The scorpion tells me, "You knew what I was when you picked me up."🦂🦂  I was doing the same thing I had always done knowing I was going to get what I always got.            And IDGAF.  In came Aaron. Known with friends, Monster. I met him. This guy who has the image of a guy you didn't fuck with. A badass. A G, ya know. Met him at a get together one night. Some other dude walked me there bcuz it was dark so he thought I was with this dude, which, no offense Chad, but no way . He did have kind of a girlfriend, but an odd togetherness..I wasn't a home wrecker. At all.  But he knew I was in a situation that I had gotten myself into and needed help to get out. But I'd also not even try. I went over to talk to him, and I let it all out. Every. Single. Honest. Thing. The bad. The worse. He said he would take care of it and told me I could stay with him til he got it taken care of and I never left. He couldn't get rid of me. For the first time in a long fucking time, I felt safe. He made me laugh until I cried. He gave me hope.  I had my 'AHA moment'.  I didn't want to feel that way anymore and no one was going to fix it for me anymore. I had to decide to get up. And actually do it.  I never thought this guy would be my 'thing.' He's not my type. It sounds mean, but he's not. I'm 5'9, so I like tall guys. I like fit guys. I like hiking and camping and stuff like that. Aaron, is 6'4. A large man. He says he's fat, I say he's fluffy :) I like tattoos on guys, but he is a tattoo artist so he is COVERED. Literally, a walking tattoo. Haha.  He's also in a wheelchair. And I know, it's not a big deal. It's never made me think any different about him. But it takes adjusting. I have gone from someone who didn't do anything, to someone who acts as his legs and my own.  We began this journey on January 1st. When I met him, i could breathe again. He told me I didn't have to act like such a badass. It was okay to let my guard down. And I believed him. I let him in. I'm glad I did. His way of getting around broke. So until it was fixed, he had no way around. We hung out in a California King size bed, all day and all night. (I was 'regrouping' and couldn't even try social shit yet) Just him and I. Just us. We don't watch tv. We don't watch movies. Occasionally we will play a video game, but not often. We just hang out, bullshit, joke around and talk.  The Jamie I am now, is different than who I've been and who I was. He made me realize that I did walk away from Jordan's with something. Might not have been sobriety, but with an understanding and respect for my mental issues and addiction problem. I literally found myself in Jordans. No drugs. No alcohol. On my meds. Classes about our addictions and illnesses. Every single day. We had a routine. We had stability. We had church. We had bible study. I was okay. And I left. I left because a stupid boy made me cry. I learned from my marriage. I knew what not to do. I learned. Instead of just hearing it, I actually listened.  I was broken.  One day, we were bullshitting and I said "Do you know who I am?"  He said, "I know what you was." I said something about being just a sad broken girl and he said, "No. You were beautiful." And he was serious. That moment was what made me want to be better. For me so I could be for him.  I had been through too much and waded through so much bullshit for being only 33 that I didn't want it anymore. So i literally said FUCK IT and got 100% fucking real.  I do not lie. About anything. Ever. Even to save hurt feelings or keep myself out of bullshit. I am honest about who I was and who I am. He met me and picked me up at my absolute worst brokenness, and still loved me. Every single broken piece of me. I told him the scorpion story. I tell him I will fuck up, I will make mistakes, I will make plans that will end in disaster and I will make terrible decisions. But all I can give him is me because that's all I can be. I'm a broken mess. He said he loves the broken parts most because that's the parts that need it. Some days are heavy and weigh on me and I struggle knowing what I've done to some people. Some days, even I barely like me. Those days are the ones he tells me, "Baby, I knew what you were when I picked you up."    I don't drink. Okay, I can't say I don't drink at all. But it's very very rarely. And even then, I don't get drunk. I've met that demon that lives inside me. I know what it's capable of. I never want to meet it again. I've learned.  I don't do pills. And only Tylenol when desperate. Same hell, different demon.  I don't put up with bullshit. Especially when those people are causing the problems that they are bitching about. Those that are around me some and came to me griping have heard me say "a guy walks into a doctor's office and says 'Doc, it hurts when I do this.' Doctor tells him "Then don't do that."" I am that one friend that everyone knows loves them a shit ton. But I will always tell you the honest truth. I wont pity you or feel sorry for you. I am 100% fucking real. No one did it for me and it ain't gonna do no damn good to do it for anyone else either.  I'm a good person. I have a good heart and I always have good intentions. I mean no harm to anyone. And people actually tell me that somehow, just being around me, I have made them a better person.  I LOVE the little things. The smell of a nice day with a breeze through an open window. Random hilarious texts from my best friend and the raddest bitch I know, Jessica. Rapping every single word to certain songs. Laughing until it hurts. Playing with my dog. Singing to songs all day on Spotify. The way he makes me feel when I catch him looking at me. How he makes me love being a girl. A few months ago, I couldn't see past my pain. Now I am planning a future. With him. Whether he likes it or not. Haha. It's him. He made all the difference.  Being with him, I'm am more me than I have been in a really really long time. He is my gasp of air after almost drowning. He saw me drowning and instead of jumping in to save me..he told me to stand the fuck up.  I talk alot. I sing terribly. I dance horribly. I am not graceful at all. I have shiny bits of crazy that pop out once in a while. I am never wrong. I'm sarcastic. I'm never serious. I whine....and he still loves me. All of me. He says I never have to worry about being hurt again. He's there to make sure that never happens. And I know he's not lying.  He keeps me safe. I keep him wild. I am not worried. I don't worry what people think about me. Or what people hear about me. Or what people say about me..I know who I am. He knows who I am. That's all that matters. If anyone can believe or say terrible things about me, then they don't deserve to know who I really am. It's their loss because I'm fucking awesome.  At this moment, I am laying sideways on our bed with my head on his stomach and my feet up on the wall typing this. He didn't know I blog until about a month ago. It's not a secret. I don't hide it. But it's mine. It's my journey. Anyone can read it and if I know you well enough, I might send you a link. But to me, it's just there. Gotta leave a story behind. It might be someone's reason. I don't think it's 'ENGAGED' in a way. More like, " Oh. Finally. There you are. I've been looking for you." I refuse to get another name tattooed on me. So I am getting one word. That can say everything about him that I can't . Serendipity. "Something wonderful that you find when you aren't even expecting it." He is my serendipity. I never forget what I mean to him. He never lets me forget. There are no conditions on love. There are no buts in love. There are no lies in love. Love does not hurt. It got better.  

[bloody-bee-tea]

BeeTober 2020 Day 3

Divine Harvest

It's day 3 of BeeTober and the Untamed Fall Fest and those two words in combination really screamed for a continuation of my LXC is a god and JC is his trusted chosen disciple. Finally some backstory as to how the gods were forgotten. Plays after Worthy of a god and before not dead, just forgotten.

Jiang Cheng is getting more and more worried with each passing day. There are rumours in the air, conversations held behind closed doors and in hushed whispers and which each speculation that Jiang Cheng catches his worry grows.

War is in the air, and Lan Xichen won’t tell him about it.

But Jiang Cheng wants to know—he needs to know in order to protect his god—and so he goes looking for Lan Xichen.

“You’re keeping secrets from me,” Jiang Cheng opens the conversation with as soon as he finds Lan Xichen in front of his house and the guilty look on Lan Xichen’s face is enough confirmation for Jiang Cheng. “You promised to never keep anything from me,” he quietly tacks on and Lan Xichen sighs.

“How do you know?” Lan Xichen asks him and Jiang Cheng gives him a look.

“I’m not stupid. There’s talk all over the place. No one quite dares to say it out loud yet, but I caught something about a Divine Harvest?”

“Oh, my beautiful heart, you have always been so clever,” Lan Xichen says with a slight smile and beckons Jiang Cheng to his side.

Praise from Lan Xichen is nothing new; it’s almost like he makes it a point to praise Jiang Cheng at least once a day, but it still never got easier for Jiang Cheng to accept it. To accept that maybe Lan Xichen means it, that he is awed by Jiang Cheng.

It’s been at least seven decades with Lan Xichen now—Jiang Cheng finds it increasingly difficult to keep track of the time—and even though that should be more than enough to make up for only eighteen years of his father’s callous words, Jiang Cheng still struggles with it.

“Stop it,” Jiang Cheng grumbles, like he always does, but dutifully goes over to his god. “Just tell me what’s going on.”

Lan Xichen tucks him into his side, close and protected, and this is something else Jiang Cheng has noticed in the past. Lan Xichen’s need to keep him close and to touch him often.

He guesses it’s because Lan Xichen’s last disciple died so violently, but he never dared to ask Lan Xichen directly. Jiang Cheng isn’t even sure if he wants to know, if he’s just filling in some empty space in Lan Xichen’s life; a replacement for someone Lan Xichen loved dearly but lost.

“Don’t do that,” Lan Xichen chides him gently and rubs a thumb over the worry lines in Jiang Cheng’s forehead. “You shouldn’t worry.”

“Yeah, well, I wouldn’t have to if you could just tell me the truth,” Jiang Cheng shoots back, diverting his thoughts to the much more pressing issue at hand.

“I had hoped to keep this from you for a little bit longer,” Lan Xichen admits. “Because once you know that worry line will be permanent and I didn’t want that for you,” Lan Xichen explains and then sighs. “But you’re right. I promised to never keep secrets from you.”

“So tell me,” Jiang Cheng urges and he’s already prepared to do anything for Lan Xichen if he should need to.

If this Divine Harvest is something that is worrying Lan Xichen this much, Jiang Cheng better get prepared for a fight sooner rather than later. He’s already thinking about doing more training session, even though amongst the disciples there is only Wei Wuxian who can match him now.

“The Divine Harvest is a very ancient technique. Maybe even more ancient than any of us,” Lan Xichen starts his explanation, and though he keeps his voice light, Jiang Cheng can tell that he is nervous.

This seems to be more serious than he originally thought.

“What does it do?” Jiang Cheng asks but he can tell by the tension in Lan Xichen that it’s nothing good.

“It harvests the power of the gods, leaving them unable to do anything but exist in the most basic forms, and then it uses that power to erase the knowledge of the gods from the mortal plane. Humans will forget us and all knowledge about us will be swiped from the records.”

Dread pools in Jiang Cheng’s stomach, because that doesn’t sound good at all. It sounds like something that can never be allowed to happen.

“I don’t like it,” Jiang Cheng says almost petulantly and just like he hoped it brings a smile to Lan Xichen’s face, no matter how small it is.

“I don’t like it either, my heart. We all don’t like it. But it seems like Wen Ruohan unearthed that technique and we’re all just waiting to see what he’s going to do with it.”

“It’s not going to be good,” Jiang Cheng knows that much, because Wen Ruohan is one of the cruellest, most power-hungry gods Jiang Cheng has ever seen.

“Of course not,” Lan Xichen agrees and squeezes Jiang Cheng one last time before he puts some distance between them. “But nothing happened yet, so let’s not think the worst. Maybe he’ll just sit on the knowledge and not actually do anything with it.”

Jiang Cheng scoffs at that, because they both know that that doesn’t sound like Wen Ruohan at all. If he has the chance to destroy the gods, then he’s going to take it. He makes no secret that he would like to rule the humans alone, after all.

“Yeah, let’s hope,” Jiang Cheng still whispers, because maybe, just maybe they will get lucky.

~*~*~

They do not get lucky.

They are incredibly unlucky, is all Jiang Cheng can think when he sees the fire spread further and further in the place he had called his home for the last centuries.

Wen Ruohan has taken his time, has chosen to spread unease and growing worry amongst the gods instead of using the Divine Harvest immediately, but it seems like he finally tired of that as well.

There’s a fluttering panic in Jiang Cheng’s belly because he hasn’t seen Lan Xichen since it all started and Jiang Cheng’s entire being aches with the thought that maybe it’s already too late for Lan Xichen. That maybe he died without Jiang Cheng by his side.

But then he reminds himself that he still remembers Lan Xichen—still remembers their time together—so Wen Ruohan can’t have completed the ritual yet. And Lan Xichen is too formidable a fighter to simply die in hand-to-hand combat.

“My heart,” Lan Xichen suddenly says from behind Jiang Cheng, and when Jiang Cheng turns around to look at him, he sees that Lan Xichen must have been fighting already.

There’s sooth all over his usually so white robes and a speck of blood mars his cheek.

“Are you hurt?” Jiang Cheng breathes out, rushing forward to check Lan Xichen over but he only breathes easier when Lan Xichen shakes his head.

“I’m not,” he reassures him and that finally allows the anger to take root in Jiang Cheng.

“Then what the hell is going on? I should be fighting with you, why did you go out alone?” he demands to know, because he is still Lan Xichen’s disciple and it should be on him to fight for Lan Xichen.

To fight with him.

“You’re not going to fight,” Lan Xichen tells him, and his voice is all steel.

Jiang Cheng has never heard him sound like that before.

“What is going on?” Jiang Cheng whispers, as he fists his hands in Lan Xichen’s robes.

“He’s performing the ritual. He’s going to erase us.”

“Then let’s fight him!”

“No,” Lan Xichen says and covers Jiang Cheng’s hands with his own. “I’m sending you down to Earth.”

“Absolutely not,” Jiang Cheng immediately snaps back, but Lan Xichen doesn’t seem like he is even listening to Jiang Cheng.

“He’s killing the disciples,” Lan Xichen says, a faraway look in his eyes. “He’s killing them all, and I’m not going to lose you, my beautiful heart. He’s coming for you, especially. He’s afraid of you.”

“If he’s so afraid of me, then let me fight!”

“No.”

“Xichen,” Jiang Cheng chokes out, because Lan Xichen seems seconds away from crying and Jiang Cheng cannot take it. “Let me stay by your side.”

“You can’t. You’ll be safer on Earth.”

“I will forget you, if you send me down there,” Jiang Cheng argues, because even though it has been so many years since they last talked about the Divine Harvest, he still remembers that.

Everyone on Earth will forget about the gods.

“It doesn’t matter,” Lan Xichen says with a shake of his head. “You’re my most wonderful disciple, loyal down to the single last atom of your very being. You will remember me.”

“What if I don’t?” Jiang Cheng whispers, because that grain of self-doubt still sits deep within him. “What if I don’t?”

“You will,” Lan Xichen says with conviction. “You will remember me.”

“What if Wen Ruohan finds me first?” Jiang Cheng goes on, because he cannot bear to leave Lan Xichen behind.

“He will not. He forgot that he is divine, too. The ritual harvests the power of the gods. Of all the gods. And at the end of the day, no matter how highly he thinks of himself, he is just a god as well. He’ll be powerless and the people will forget about him, too.”

Jiang Cheng likes that thought, likes that Wen Ruohan can grab for power all he wants, but that he is still bound by the rules as well, but it doesn’t do anything to make this situation right now any less awful.

“Please don’t make me leave,” Jiang Cheng begs and startles when Lan Xichen rests their foreheads together.

“I cannot let him kill you, I cannot go through that again. Wangji already sent Wei Wuxian down, and I think Nie Mingjue sent Mo Xuanyu away as well. You’ll find them again and then you’re going to remember me, no matter how long it takes.”

“What are you going to do without me?” Jiang Cheng asks, and he hates how his voice shakes, he hates how desperate he feels at just the thought of being separated from Lan Xichen.

“I’ll be waiting for you, my heart,” Lan Xichen easily replies. “I’ll wait for you to find me again.”

“Please don’t,” Jiang Cheng tries again, but then he can hear yelling and he knows their time is almost up. “Come with me,” he urges Lan Xichen but he shakes his head.

“There’s still a slim chance that we can stop him. I have to stay. But you, my beautiful heart, you’re leaving now,” Lan Xichen says and Jiang Cheng can’t help the sob that breaks through.

“I will find you,” Jiang Cheng promises, his voice already shaking with his grief and Lan Xichen smiles at him.

“I know that you will,” he whispers as he brushes his lips over Jiang Cheng’s. “And I will be waiting for that day.”

It’s the last thing Lan Xichen says to him, because immediately afterwards Jiang Cheng finds himself in the middle of a field down on earth.

He’s crying freely now, tears streaming down his face, but when he turns his gaze upwards to the Heavens there is no sign of the turmoil, of the war up there.

Jiang Cheng thinks that’s monumentally unfair, and he tries to ascend by himself, but nothing his happening.

Lan Xichen and the others must have done something to prevent the disciples from coming back and if Jiang Cheng only cries harder at that, then no one is around to see.

“Xichen,” he whispers, hoping that at least his voice will reach his god, but he doesn’t know if it works.

“Xichen, Xichen, Xichen,” he repeats, over and over again, hoping to keep on to his memories but by the fifteenth time, the name doesn’t make sense anymore.

Jiang Cheng doesn’t know a Xichen, and he also can’t remember why he’s out at night, in the middle of nowhere.

He thinks something must have happened at home, because he has been crying, but even that memory escapes his grasp.

“Xichen,” Jiang Cheng mutters again, the name foreign and strange on his lips and then he shrugs.

Better not think about it anymore.

On the way home his gaze keeps wandering up to the sky as if he should be able to see something there, and that doesn’t make sense at all.

The old gods are dead, after all.

Next part

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Anime Spring 2018 Final Impressions + Plans for Summer

It’s been a long time since I made the last post on every anime I watched on winter, or posting anything on Tumblr in general, it’s time to come back to talk about what anime I’ve watched this spring season and what I’m going to watch this summer.

WARNING: This list may contain spoilers.

Spring 2018

Golden Kamuy: I’ve looked this one this entire season, even though I may not know much, after watching a few episodes, I was definitely impressed, but there are a few people who are disappointed with how the anime turned out, I kind of understand that, but at the same time it leaves me a sour taste in my mouth.

I’m happy season 2 got announced for October, definitely looking forward for more.

High School DXD Hero: I’ve always been skeptical about this season just by the new art style alone, even if it’s by the same studio that made the Citrus anime, but it seems like Passione pulled it off.

Not only the art is rather nice, as I stated, it looks to be faithful to the light novels, they retconned the Juggernaut Drive moment from Born from episode 0, it took me by surprise and learning that the rest of Born was anime original ruined my life and everything I’ve seen has changed.

Steins;Gate 0: Not a lot to add, but it’s definitely one of the strongest series I’ve seen this season so far.

Tokyo Ghoul:re: As someone who hasn’t read the Tokyo Ghoul:re manga, I’d say this one was decent. I saw this ComicBook post where fans were disappointed by the season finale, but hey, there’s season 2 coming in October.

(Man, what’s with these shows having season 2 in Fall?)

My Hero Academia season 3: It’s lower in my list because, while MHA is really good, I read the manga and I pretty much know everything that happens, even if I forget what happened since it’s been ages since I read the chapters the anime adapts, at least they refresh my memory.

Lupin the 3rd Part 5: This one is good, my only problem is that every few episodes with storylines end, there are those extra episodes that take place in previous jackets, like red jacket and pink jacket Lupin, I can’t help but think those are filler. It’s probably my first time I’ve been mad to filler.

Persona 5: The Animation: Totally did not expect the problems P5A has at all, from animation quality, like terrible fight scenes, to pacing issues, like everything is happening so fast and A-1 decided to rush the 100 hour plot into a 25 episode series. At least it looks better than Persona 4: The Animation.

Given by the episode count I mentioned, I’m looking forward to the surprise teased by the director, I hope I see a lot of people lose their shit like Darling in the Franxx (Heh, A-1), I kind of have the guilty pleassure to see people suffer in this case.

Caligula: This one I really was looking forward to hate. The animation was decent and all but all I can think of is the story, I really don’t like the world at all and I probably don’t care for any of the characters, especially Ritsu.

At the end of episode 10, Ritsu left Mobius and came back to reality alone while all of his friends are left behind, by that point, for some reason I thought “I officially hate Ritsu for that!”, but the more I waited, the less I considered that idea and decided to drop it.

By episode 11, it’s where things are getting worse: The Ritsu we were seeing all along wasn’t even Shikishima Ritsu, it’s a dude called Tachibana Shingo...

...and this dude right here IS THE REAL SHIKISHIMA RITSU!

LIKE... WHAT?!

I thought Mobius Ritsu was Shingo who took Ritsu’s name but it’s actually the real Ritsu who took Shingo’s likeness. Why? Why would he do that? It’s not even explained. (Not sure if the game does)

I wanted to drop around episode 8 but I was 4 episodes left to finish watching this trash, and the more I saw it, I felt interested to know what was going on in the story.

I cared less about everything that happened in this show. It’s not offensively bad as 18if, but seriously, the world of Caligula sucks.

The only highlight of the series I’d give credits for are the post-credits teasers by Pop Team Epic creator, Okawa bkub.

Winter 2018 ongoing

Darling in the Franxx: Darling in the Franxx has grown to be the most divisive series to date, mainly from the “Bitchigo” controversy ever since.

While I definitely enjoy the series and I feel defensive about it, I can’t help but think that this is Trigger (and A-1)’s most controversial anime they’ve produced to have such fan outrage. Speaking of which, I don’t think it’s even being animated by Trigger anymore, it’s probably only A-1 alone along with Trigger animators and they just slapped the Trigger name on the credits. (I’m probably exaggerating), and Darling in the Franxx is not even on Trigger’s website!

If this is another one of Trigger’s big flops (The second one being Kiznaiver which WatchMojo called it “disappointing” which made me pissed so bad considering that I loved Kiznaiver, fucking thanks for the trauma, you cunts. (Don’t ask)), then Trigger, as storytellers, have become one-hit wonders, and that one hit is Kill La Kill. (Speaking of which, it’s getting a video game... developed by the people who made Little Witch Academia: Chamber of Time, which turned out hot garbage, RIP)

As of the writing of this post, the series hasn’t ended yet, so we’re still gonna have to wait how the ending will turn out.

Toji no Miko: This one was alright, for some reason I expected the second cour to be somewhat time-wasting and trying to figure out the story because I was satisfied with the end of the first cour, but this one was decent.

Even if the anime series ended, while the mobage is currently on existence, I’ll never stop making Kancolle x Touken Ranbu jokes, at least the series had its own identity to make up for it.

Grancrest Senki: This one I was the least hopeful to watch, though not as trash as Caligula per se, but it’s just generic fantasy with some political drama, and ridiculously violent (Which there’s nothing wrong with it but the amount of gore is really something from a fantasy anime).

There were a couple of good moments but overall, it was meh.

Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card: I’m a little surprised that Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card ended with 22 episodes as opposed to 24 or 25 episodes, overall, I enjoyed the series, hopefully we won’t wait for a long time for another season.

Plans for Summer

Attack on Titan season 3: Reminder that we didn’t have to wait for another 4 years for another Attack on Titan season.

Angels of Death: This one has the potential to be one of the better anime adaptations of an RPG Maker game, unlike Ao Oni which failed spectacularly, considered that the Angels of Death anime is being made by JC Staff.

As of the writing of this video, it’s now confirmed that the total of episodes was 16 episodes, 12 of the regular series, and 4 OVA.

Overlord III: It’s still hard to believe that Overlord II was a winter show and this new season is a summer show, considering that I normally would expect shows having two seasons between winter and fall (Such as Shinmai Maou no Testament (2015) and Bubuki Buranki (2016).)

Yuuna and the Haunted Hot Springs: All I can think of is the titular character, Yuuna, is cute, and hot springs, what’s not to like?

Fate/Extra: Last Encore Illustrais Geocentrism: It still feels weird that Last Encore ended with 10 episodes, but at least there’s going to be more, but it’s going to be a two hour special, in two separate episodes. I thought I’ve seen sources that it was going to be episodes 11-13, I’ve seen a lot of sources and they confuse the heck out of me.

(Finally, a good line-up to watch)

BONUS: FLCL Progressive: Technically, FLCL Progressive came out on June 2nd on Adult Swim/Toonami, unlike the majority of the shows are all July shows.

FLCL Progressive and Alternative have quite the unique releases.

I was so baffled that many of the people I talk with were skeptical about FLCL Progressive, there were even stories of the original creator not wanting to make a sequel in the first place, I never gave a crap and ignored to what they said and just moved on to watch it.

After the first episode, it seems like the reactions were mostly positive (Maybe because a lot of people must be more newcomers than a few veteran FLCL fans), though the one thing that cringed me out was the part where Haruko (disguised as a teacher) made everyone watch porn.

Also, my bigger problem with watching FLCL Progressive (and Alternative) is that I have to watch them English dubbed and the subs got delayed until November (yes, that long; I’m not an English dubbed person, okay?).

Speaking of problems, as I mentioned that it was English dubbed, the parts where the characters say Japanese phrases is absolutely cringey as fuck, and with episode 4, at the beginning of the episode, Hidomi made a Jacksepticeye reference by saying “TOP OF THE MORNING!” and that triggered me so bad.

Speaking of Hidomi Hibajiri, she’s like my only highlight of this entire season, she’s such a cutie.

Like the original FLCL, Progressive and Alternative (I keep counting that one a lot, but, since it’s released on September, it still falls into Summer, I guess?) have 6 episodes, so as of the writing of this post, which ironically it’s almost 2 AM and it’s saturday, so new episode tonight, there’s at least going to be one more episode to end, and Alternative, while the first episode was released as a surprise release on April Fools, the rest of the episodes will be on September.

I wanted to add Tensai Bakabon to the list but now my interest to watch has turned off and I prefer Osomatsu-san over this one (This and Osomatsu-kun are made by Fujio Akatsuka and they’re being animated by Pierrot).

I hope you enjoyed my list of everything I saw this spring (while tryhard reviewing them in the process) and what I plan to watch this summer.

Twitter: @HKomaeda

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The Best Advice My Dad Ever Gave Me

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The Best Advice My Dad Ever Gave Me

You’re reading The Best Advice My Dad Ever Gave Me, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

I’ve always looked up to my dad. He’s a passionate entrepreneur, a great dad and one of those people, who, more often than not, knows the right thing to say.  Over the years he has ‘gifted’ me with words of wisdom on everything from business to relationships, parenting to decision-making.  There’s one piece of advice, however, that I probably rely on the most.

Do your best every day.  

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve called my father worried about something that happened, concerned about an outcome or second-guessing myself.  And my dad predictably responds with a question. “Did you do your best?”  Yes.  “That’s all you can do”, he says “You can’t control what happens from here”.

That’s it? Simple, right?  But if you really stop to think about it, this supposedly simple piece of advice has the power to help you be happier, more fulfilled and yes, even more successful.  How?

When you do your best every day, you feel better about yourself.

You can rest at ease knowing you did everything you could.  That you have no regrets and nothing about which to feel bad or guilty.  If you do your best and then someone criticizes you, or doesn’t like what you did, tells you you’re working too slow…or fast, or gives you a hard time, it’s easier to brush off when you know in your heart you did the best you can.  There is a lot of peace to be found in that.

Likewise, if you do the best you can and you’re not happy with the result or it doesn’t work out the way you expected, you can be at peace, knowing you did your best and there’s nothing else you could have done, especially now that it’s over.

I ask my clients (and myself) this question all the time.  Whether they’re ruminating over something they’ve said, thinking about what they could have done better, or just disappointed about an outcome they had hoped to achieve.  Did you do your best?  If the answer is Yes, then it’s time to move forward onto something more productive.

Now, let’s be clear.   This doesn’t mean you don’t try to do better, to learn, strive, improve and change.   These things are still important for our growth and evolution.  But if we can think about those things in the context of next time, you’ll probably see more results than if you ‘beat yourself up’.  If you’ve done your best, there’s nothing more to do.  You can’t change the past, you can only let the past influence your future.  You can let the ‘should haves’, ‘would haves’ and ‘could haves’ fall away and save them for what you can do next time.

2. When you do your best every day, you achieve more. 

This makes sense, right?  Do your best, good stuff happens.  Don’t do your best, less happens.  And others know when you’re doing your best or not.

My dad shares a story of his father, my grandfather.  One summer during the depression, he and three of his college buddies worked for JC Penny.   Towards the end of the summer, the store ran out of job-related work for them.  So, they asked the boys to wash windows.  My grandfather washed the windows, every day, doing the best he could and working hard.  The other three boys complained that wasn’t what they were hired to do, were frustrated by the request and decided they would wash the windows slower, so that the work would last the rest of the summer.  They phoned it in.  But my grandfather just kept on washing, figuring, if he ran out of windows, they would find another job for him, or let him go early.   This wasn’t just about hard work, it was about doing his best work regardless of the circumstances.

The following summer, they all went back to apply for jobs again.   Guess what happened?  Yep, the three guys who slowed down didn’t get rehired.  But my grandfather did.  His work ethic had left a lasting impression on his boss.

Why wouldn’t you do your best?  Doing your best doesn’t cost you anything more.  In fact, it probably requires less time and energy than figuring out a way around or through or over something.  Let’s face it, when you’re not doing your best, it’s draining.  You have to think about it.  It takes more effort.  And, whether or not you realize it, at some level, you feel bad and guilty, because you know it’s not working.  You may think you’re fooling others, but you can never fool yourself!

It doesn’t matter how much someone pays you or how important the job or the person is.  You can do your best everyday regardless of the circumstances.  Now, I’m not advocating doing a job you hate or doing it for less compensation than is appropriate.  In those cases, the best option is usually to look for something else.  But staying there and not doing your best, shouldn’t be an option.  Because if you’re going to be there, wherever there is, you might as well be there completely.  Otherwise, you’re just wasting your time and energy.   And someone else’s money and resources.

Doing your best every day, regardless of who’s watching, whether it’s your ‘role’ or not or whether you’re head over heels in love with what you’re doing will make you more productive, successful and healthy.

3. When you do your best every day, you see the world differently:

What if when you’re doing your best every day, you start to believe that others are giving their all too? This is a form of cognitive bias, where we see things that confirm our own existing beliefs.

I like to believe we are all doing our best every day.  The best we can with what we have – at that moment, in that situation, with that time frame, our level of skills and knowledge, you name it.

Sometimes we have the skills or emotional intelligence or strategies to handle something better, sometimes we don’t.  But everyday, we are ALL doing the best we can with what we have.    Now, our best might be better tomorrow.  And some days, our best isn’t as good as it was the day before.  That’s ok.  It’s important to remind yourself, you are doing the best you can with what you have, right now.  Let’s be honest, none of us wake up wanting to mess it up, screw it up or make a fool out of ourselves!

When you look at the world through this lens, you realize, that in most cases, everyone else IS also probably doing the best they can with what they have.  So, when that colleague doesn’t email you back, instead of assuming he’s an incompetent jerk, you might think twice that he’s busy or he’s gathering more information, so he can respond to you.  Or when a friend is a bit curt when you run into her at a coffee shop, you might think she’s having a rough day, not that she’s making a personal attack on you.  When your spouse forgets something…again…you can ask yourself, “Are they doing the best they can, today, with what they have?” If they are, then maybe you can respond with a bit more kindness and a little more compassion.

So, how do you know you’ve done your best?

It’s important how you judge your best.  Sometimes it’s keeping score.  I ran 10 minutes today, I can run 12 tomorrow.  Sometimes it’s a ‘gut check’.  Did I do the best I knew how to do? Really?

Now, you may be wondering, will accepting I’ve done my best make me lazy, less ambitious, less driven?    Actually, I feel it’s just the opposite.  Acknowledging when you’ve done your best (and when you haven’t) gives you the freedom to focus on what to improve or change for  next time, and stops you from wasting precious time, energy and resources ruminating on something that is already in the past and you can’t control or change.

We’re all learning, growing and evolving.  Every day.  That’s life.  And, my experience with clients and friends is that we are also pretty hard on ourselves.  So, whether you find yourself ruminating about a mistake, beating yourself up for something you said, wishing you could change something that’s already happened or worrying about what might.

Ask yourself this question.  Did I do the best that I could? If the answer is a resounding “Yes”.  Give yourself permission to let go, move on and use your time, energy and emotion to move forward towards your next, knowing you did the best that you could.   After all, as my Dad says, “That’s all you can do, you can’t control what happens from here”.

—

As a results-driven, certified coach and consultant, Tracy partners with individuals to help them achieve greater levels of happiness, fulfillment and success – personally and professionally.   www.tracykennedy.com 

You’ve read The Best Advice My Dad Ever Gave Me, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.