#so i tried to place my finger on the thought and thus the rambling half-baked philosophical metaphor was born. please excuse me

[urlocallesbiab]

imagine if a flower had consciousness. not the whole plant, from rustling leaves to a proud-standing stem to roots, deep and ancient and tangled, interconnected; only the flower. can that really happen? can it have its own self?

well, obviously yes: here it is, the flower, a separate, discrete thing, from the sepal to the tips of its petals — you can point at it and say "this is the flower, and the rest is not", draw a line. you can understand a flower as itself, not to be interchanged with leaves, its own distinct color and smell and personality; a flower can understand itself as an entity.

well, obviously no: it doesn't exist independedly from the plant. how do you actually separate a flower from the purpose it serves, from the nutritients it receives, from the stem it grew from? it didn't sprout into existence in a vacuum, it functions strictly as a part of a more complex whole, in an endless exchange of favors and resources on which every part's livelihood is dependent. a flower is a part of a plant, and a flower without a plant is at best a wilting cut limb and at worst an unsubstaniated thought experiment.

and yet a flower blooms and wilts in its own time, while the plant has stood and continues to stand, a lifetime within a lifetime, a separate chronological framework; and yet when an insect approaches, it seeks the flower's own shapes and colors and fragrance, paying no heed to what lies below. we could argue that a flower can be understood as its own case of existence, but only as one that is ultimatey and intimately connected to something bigger than life.

the universe is the plant; dirk gently's consciousness is the flower. am i making sense?

[newtonsheffield]

Hellooooo hope you’re doing good! Basically I went to London today and I really wanted to go to the Natural History Museum so I could find myself a Goose- alas I didn’t end up going to the museum, thus not finding a Goose on my travels. Sigh. So I was wondering if instead I could request some Eddie & Goose content? Thank youuuu ✨

Ohhhhh Man! I tell you what, I need to start walking quickly round corners in Museums and see what shakes out! If anyone tries this method of securing a husband, please let me know. Enquiring minds and all that! Aaaaand I hope you had fun in London even without getting to meet a handsome Gander. Man, I miss going to big cities. I live in a small town (Pop.5000) which is probably an hour and a half from a regional city (Cairns, QLD if anyone is curious, Right off the Great Barrier Reef) but the next like... Capital (Big) city is a two day drive from me or a 3 hour plane ride so... Australia is a behemoth country and there's nothing there!

ANYWAY! Eddie and Goose, Beautiful little beans. Do you wanna see Goose's birthday?

Play the theme song 🎶 Eddie and Goose, Eddie and Goose, two little sunshine kiiiids 🎶

As embarrassing as it was to say, none of Edwina's ex boyfriends had ever celebrated her birthday, she honestly hadn't even wanted them too which certainly should have been a sign that they'd had so many red flags they were practically wearing a red poncho, which meant, in turn, she'd actually never celebrated a boyfriend's birthday. So maybe it was stupid but when her fiancé had smiled happily and said "I don't usually do anything for birthdays, I just buy a cupcake and call it a day if I can't get out to my mum's." She'd been a little disappointed. She knew he didn't mean it as a rejection, but even so it stung a little.

But even so she'd spent weeks trying to decide on the perfect gift for Matthew. She'd asked Kate's advice, nervously hovering in her kitchen as Anthony flitted around his pregnant wife, in full mother hen mode once more. "I got Anthony engraved cufflinks the first Valentines we were together." Kate said, humming happily, kissing her husband's cheek when he placed a muffin in front of her. Edwina scoffed. "Cufflinks?! Jesus Kate, you two are so boring!" She said a little irritatedly "Hey!" Kate said indignantly, "He needed them, his broke!" Anthony nodded, a little indignantly at her. Edwina rolled her eyes, "Sorry, you didn't tell me they were a practical gift. How romantic." "I wear them every day, and I like looking at them knowing Kate picked them for me." Anthony said pointedly, rolling his own eyes in response before scooping a wriggling Edmund up. "Here's an idea Eddie, why don't you give Goose back your engagement ring for his birthday?" Anthony chuckled to himself as Kate rolled her eyes, and Edwina swept from the room with a "You two are useless!" and a rude hand gesture.

Even so, something about what Anthony had said had stuck in her mind, and now she was left hovering nervously in the doorway of her bedroom, The sandwich cake she'd made from Anthony's recipe balanced on a plate, the wrapped box burning against her hand. He was just stirring when she entered the room, his eyelids flickering open slowly, scanning the room for her, the soft crooked smile that had first made her heart skip slowly dawning on his face as his hand groped around for his glasses.

"Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday dear Matty, Happy birthday to you." Edwina sung lightly as she made her way through the bedroom, crouching slightly as she held the cake out to him, his sleepy smile causing the butterflies in her stomach to beat more furiously. "Make a wish." she whispered softly as he blew out the candles leaving a soft kiss on her cheek. "You really didn't have to go to all the trouble." he said, leaving the cake on the bedside table in favour of tugging her down to sit across his legs. "That's a bake off winning cake thank you very much Matthew Bagwell. Paul Hollywood gave me a handshake for that cake. Many a man would think themself very lucky to have me back that cake for them." she said teasingly, unable to stop the smile on her face. "I don't doubt that at all." Silence echoing softly through the room as their eyes caught softly.

And then, "I got you this as well." Edwina said awkwardly, forcing the box into his hand before she could lose her nerve. He stared curiously down at it "Eddie I said you didn't have to get me anything." He said softly, something like disbelief in his voice. Edwina scoffed, "Can you just open it and tell me if you want me to return it before I lose my nerve entirely?" Matthew stared curiously at her for a second before he tugged lightly on the bow unwrapping it painfully slowly, his hand smoothing over the box before he finally opened it. He stared down at the watch silently, his finger tracing the engraving on the bezel From Edwina to Matthew Forever and Always. Edwina could feel her her teeth cutting into her bottom lip as the silence stretched on.

"It's okay if you don't like it." She said softly, nerves clawing at her chest, "I can take it back and get another one, or maybe something else? I just... I know you don't wear a watch and I thought maybe it's because you didn't have one, but if it's because you don't like them them-" Matthew cut off her rambling with a soft kiss, and she felt herself relax instantly against him. His voice shook slightly when he pulled back. "How could I not love this?" His eyes were shining behind his glasses, "I was just a little taken aback because honestly... I think this watch probably cost more than I make in six months." Edwina started to protest but he shook his head softly. "I'm not rejecting it, Honey I love it. And I'm going to wear this so much you'll be sick of the sight of it."

But honestly every time she saw it clasped firmly on his wrist she got a little thrill. Even more so when Anthony begrudgingly said the next week. "That's a nice watch, Goose." and Matthew grinned brightly, his arm around her waist. "Thanks! Eddie got it for my birthday!" Kate's head shot up. "Oh? A practical gift, Edwina. How romantic!" She said laughing at Matthew's perplexed expression, as Edwina shot her sister a rude hand gesture.

[imnotinclinedtomaturity]

4A

title: 4A summary: Most people’s soulmate tattoos are fairly short – “excuse me” or “nice to meet you” were common phrases. Most people just don’t say that much in one breath to a complete stranger. Most people, however, are not Phil’s soulmate. Thus, while everyone else has pretty, dainty phrases on their forearms, Phil has an entire paragraph crammed between his elbow and his hand in teeny tiny print. aka Dan’s a flustered mess when he finally meets his soulmate. words: 1.8k genre: fluff, soulmates au rating: g

Most people’s soulmate tattoos are fairly short – “excuse me” or “nice to meet you” were common phrases. Most people just don’t say that much in one breath to a complete stranger. Most people, however, are not Phil’s soulmate. Thus, while everyone else has pretty, dainty phrases on their forearms, Phil has an entire paragraph crammed between his elbow and his hand in teeny tiny print. The size, combined with the messy handwriting, caused Phil to spend hours deciphering what the first words his soulmate will say to him actually were. On his sixteenth birthday, Phil couldn’t help but be a bit disappointed that he was still clueless as to how his first interaction would go.

Since then, hundreds of hours in classes, work, and procrastination have been spent trying to make out the words. Over half a decade later, he’s pretty sure he’s correctly identified enough words to get the gist of what it says. Now it’s just a matter of waiting.

Phil sat on sofa in his brother’s lounge, idly flipping through a magazine, while he waited for his brother and his girlfriend to finally be ready to leave. A light knock at the door brought him out of his daze.

“Phil,” he heard Cornelia call from the bedroom, “can you grab the door? We’re expecting a package!”

With a sigh, Phil tossed the magazine onto the coffee table and walked to the door. His mum’s birthday present teetered slightly as the magazine collided with it. When he opened the door, he found a slightly smaller boy with a similar fringe holding a box and standing awkwardly in the hallway. Phil opened his mouth to ask where he should sign, but was cut off before he could say anything.

“Hi, I just moved in and this got delivered to me and the grouchy woman down the hall said to bring it to this apartment.” As the boy talked, Phil could slowly feel a smirk growing on his face. The boy, however, wasn’t quite making eye contact and continued rambling. “Are you Cornelia? Obviously you’re not. Are you her husband? Boyfriend? Sorry – just – here.” The boy shoved the package into Phil’s arms before turning around to retreat back towards what Phil assumed was his own apartment.

“So, do you always talk this much?” He called out.

The boy stopped in his tracks, slowly turning around to face Phil. The awkward expression was replaced by a cheeky grin accompanied by an adorably deep dimple.

“Only when I’m caught off guard by incredibly hot guys.”

Now it was Phil’s turn to blush. He stuck out his hand. “Hi, I’m Phil, Cornelia’s quasi brother-in-law.”

“Hi,” the boy smiled. “I’m Dan, Cornelia’s new neighbor.”

“I’ve been waiting about six years for that package, you know.”

Dan leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms across his chest. Phil caught a glimpse of his own sloppy scrawl on Dan’s left forearm.

“Man, I knew the Royal Mail was shit, but I think that might be a new low. To be fair, I’ve only had it about ten minutes.” Dan chuckled quietly and Phil knew immediately that he would have no problem falling in love with that laugh.

Cornelia appeared behind Phil, carrying both her and Martin’s and Phil’s presents in her hands.

“Did you get the package, Phil?” Cornelia’s eyes drifted to Dan, who was still leaning in the doorway. “Oh, hi,” she said to Dan.

“Hello, I’m Dan.” Like a perfect gentleman, Dan extended his hand to shake Cornelia’s. “Your package got delivered to my place by accident.”

“Thanks for bringing it by! Are you new here? I haven’t seen you around.”

“Yeah, I just moved into apartment 4A last week.”

“Lovely to meet you. We’d love to have you over for tea sometime soon.” Cornelia turned to Phil. “Martin just called the cab and said he’d meet us downstairs.” She grabbed the package from Phil’s hands and tossed it onto the couch.

Phil didn’t break eye contact with Dan. “Sorry, it’s my mum’s birthday or else I’d…”

Dan straightened up. “No, no, don’t worry about it. I’ll be in my apartment—4A—all weekend, ya know, unpacking and stuff in 4A. So yeah, uh, whenever. 4A.”

A wide smile spread across Phil’s face and his tongue slightly poked out. He laughed quietly at Dan’s lack of subtlety. “Sorry, what was that? I think I missed it. Did you say 5C?”

“Shut up you spork. I’m just gonna…” Dan took a few steps backwards and gave Phil a small two-fingered salute with his left hand. This time, Phil got a better look at the words on Dan’s forearm: So, do you always talk this much? His stomach involuntarily did a flippy-over-thing at the sight. Dan turned around and scampered into his apartment, quickly shutting the door behind him.

Cornelia shot Phil a confused look, but grasped his wrist and pulled him towards the stairs without question. “Come on, let’s go before we miss the cab.”

Phil remained silent as they trudged down the four flights of stairs to the lobby. In the back of his mind, he heard Martin yell at them to wait up. Together, the three of them waited in the crisp November air; while they stood on the pavement, Cornelia huddled into Martin for body warmth.

The cab came and Phil climbed into the backseat, as if on autopilot. His thoughts drifted to caramel eyes and a long brunette fringe. If he closed his eyes, he could almost hear Dan’s chuckle. He replayed their short interaction in his head over and over again on the way to the restaurant.

“Phil. PHIL. PHIL.” Martin’s fingers snapping loudly in his face pulled him out of his daydreams. “I said we’re here. Get out of the cab.”

“Oh. Oops.” Flustered, Phil opened the door and gracelessly clambered out, holding the door opened for his brother.

Dinner passed by in a blur. Several times, his mother asked him why he was particularly aloof tonight, but Phil brushed it off each time. Tonight was his mother’s special night and he didn’t want to overshadow her birthday celebrations. After the third time his mum expressed concern, Phil tried his best to push his encounter with his soulmate to the back of his head and engage more.

It wasn’t until he was standing outside the restaurant waiting with Martin and Cornelia for their cab again that he let his thoughts drift back to Dan.

“Cornelia?” Phil interrupted her conversation with Martin.

“Hmm?”

“What was in the box? From earlier?”

Cornelia smiled, a mischievous glint in her eye. “I’m not telling you.”

Phil cocked his head to the side. “Why not?”

“It’s your Christmas present, silly.”

Without warning, Phil flung himself at Cornelia, embracing her in a tight hug. “Thank you thank you thank you.”

Cornelia patted Phil’s back as best as she could, given that her arms were pinned to her side by Phil’s smothering hug. “I’ve gotten you a present every year for four years. Don’t worry about it.”

“Yeah, well, you never need to get me one again because you’re never going to top this.” Phil released her, stepping back.

“Okay, nerd, you haven’t even opened it yet.”

“No—I—uh…” His cheeks reddened. “Dan.”

Martin, who missed the entire interaction earlier, muttered, “Who the bloody hell is Dan?”

However, Cornelia’s eyes widened. Her eyes traveled down Phil’s right arm. “Was that…?”

Phil nodded sheepishly. “Yeah, yeah it was.”

This time, it was Cornelia who smothered Phil. “Oh my god. I’m so happy for you.” She stepped back, reaching up to squeeze Phil’s cheeks between her hands. “Does this mean you’ll stop spending every moment you can at our apartment?”

Phil smiled so wide it hurt. “Yeah, but I can’t promise you’ll see any less of me. He is your neighbor, after all.”

“Okay, what the fuck is going on?” Martin interjected.

“My package got delivered across the hall by accident and the new neighbor brought it over.” Cornelia roughly grabbed Phil’s arm and shoved it towards Martin’s face.

“Okay…?”

Cornelia rolled her eyes. “Oh my god, you’re so dense. Phil’s soulmate brought the package over.

A look of realization spread across Martin’s face. “Oh… Oh! Congratulations!” Phil smiled, suddenly eager to get back to the apartment. He was secretly hoping to bail on the Great British Bake Off marathon they had planned.

The ride back seemed to take an eternity. When they finally arrived at the apartment, Phil awkwardly loitered by the door while Martin and Cornelia hung their coats and set down their things.

“I’m sorry to be rude, but do you mind if I maybe go across the hall instead of watching the Bakeoff? See if Dan’s awake still?”

“Take the spares so you don’t wake us up when you come back.” Phil barely caught the keys Cornelia tossed at him.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Martin smirked.

“It’s not like that—I’m not going to… that. I just want to meet him. Properly.”

Cornelia shoved his shoulder lightly, pushing him in the direction of Dan’s apartment. “Get out of here. Have fun.”

As he stood in front of 4A, Phil took a steadying breath to try to calm his nerves. Before he could chicken out, he knocked lightly on Dan’s door. A quick glance at his watch told him it was nearly 23:00. He hoped Dan wasn’t an early sleeper.

Much to his relief, the door opened barely ten seconds after he knocked. Dan had changed into black joggers paired with a black tshirt and had clearly showered since Phil saw him earlier. Phil’s eyes were immediately drawn to Dan’s hair, which was a wet, curly mop on top of his head. Self-consciously, Dan fiddled with the curls, trying to tame them into submission.

“You have curly hair,” Phil murmured, stunned.

Dan flushed. “I know. I look like a fucking hobbit.”

Phil desperately wanted to reach out and run his hands through Dan’s hair, but they’d only just met and he didn’t want to freak Dan out. Instead, he said, “the cutest hobbit I’ve ever seen.”

The redness of Dan’s cheeks extended to his ears, but he smiled shyly and Phil could see a hint of his deep dimple. “Do you want to come in?”

“I’d like nothing more.”

As Phil entered the apartment, he scanned the lounge. It was obvious that Dan was still moving in, but the room was littered with knickknacks. A large Muse poster hung on the opposite wall. A charizard plushie sat haphazardly on the sofa. A boxed set of the Studio Ghibli movies balanced precariously atop the television. Mario Kart was paused on the screen.

No, Phil thought, I won’t have any trouble at all falling in love with this boy.

[iminclinedtowriting]

4A

title: 4A summary: Most people’s soulmate tattoos are fairly short – “excuse me” or “nice to meet you” were common phrases. Most people just don’t say that much in one breath to a complete stranger. Most people, however, are not Phil’s soulmate. Thus, while everyone else has pretty, dainty phrases on their forearms, Phil has an entire paragraph crammed between his elbow and his hand in teeny tiny print. aka Dan's a flustered mess when he finally meets his soulmate. words: 1800 genre: fluff, soulmates au

Most people’s soulmate tattoos are fairly short – “excuse me” or “nice to meet you” were common phrases. Most people just don’t say that much in one breath to a complete stranger. Most people, however, are not Phil’s soulmate. Thus, while everyone else has pretty, dainty phrases on their forearms, Phil has an entire paragraph crammed between his elbow and his hand in teeny tiny print. The size, combined with the messy handwriting, caused Phil to spend hours deciphering what the first words his soulmate will say to him actually were. On his sixteenth birthday, Phil couldn’t help but be a bit disappointed that he was still clueless as to how his first interaction would go.

Since then, hundreds of hours in classes, work, and procrastination have been spent trying to make out the words. Over half a decade later, he’s pretty sure he’s correctly identified enough words to get the gist of what it says. Now it’s just a matter of waiting.

***

Phil sat on sofa in his brother’s lounge, idly flipping through a magazine, while he waited for his brother and his girlfriend to finally be ready to leave. A light knock at the door brought him out of his daze.

“Phil,” he heard Cornelia call from the bedroom, “can you grab the door? We’re expecting a package!”

With a sigh, Phil tossed the magazine onto the coffee table and walked to the door. His mum’s birthday present teetered slightly as the magazine collided with it. When he opened the door, he found a slightly smaller boy with a similar fringe holding a box and standing awkwardly in the hallway. Phil opened his mouth to ask where he should sign, but was cut off before he could say anything.

“Hi, I just moved in and this got delivered to me and the grouchy woman down the hall said to bring it to this apartment.” As the boy talked, Phil could slowly feel a smirk growing on his face. The boy, however, wasn’t quite making eye contact and continued rambling. “Are you Cornelia? Obviously you’re not. Are you her husband? Boyfriend? Sorry – just – here.” The boy shoved the package into Phil’s arms before turning around to retreat back towards what Phil assumed was his own apartment.

“So, do you always talk this much?” He called out.

The boy stopped in his tracks, slowly turning around to face Phil. The awkward expression was replaced by a cheeky grin accompanied by an adorably deep dimple.

“Only when I’m caught off guard by incredibly hot guys.”

Now it was Phil’s turn to blush. He stuck out his hand. “Hi, I’m Phil, Cornelia’s quasi brother-in-law.”

“Hi,” the boy smiled. “I’m Dan, Cornelia’s new neighbor.”

“I’ve been waiting about six years for that package, you know.”

Dan leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms across his chest. Phil caught a glimpse of his own sloppy scrawl on Dan’s left forearm.

“Man, I knew the Royal Mail was shit, but I think that might be a new low. To be fair, I’ve only had it about ten minutes.” Dan chuckled quietly and Phil knew immediately that he would have no problem falling in love with that laugh.

Cornelia appeared behind Phil, carrying both her and Martin’s and Phil’s presents in her hands.

“Did you get the package, Phil?” Cornelia’s eyes drifted to Dan, who was still leaning in the doorway. “Oh, hi,” she said to Dan.

“Hello, I’m Dan.” Like a perfect gentleman, Dan extended his hand to shake Cornelia’s. “Your package got delivered to my place by accident.”

“Thanks for bringing it by! Are you new here? I haven’t seen you around.”

“Yeah, I just moved into apartment 4A last week.”

“Lovely to meet you. We’d love to have you over for tea sometime soon.” Cornelia turned to Phil. “Martin just called the cab and said he’d meet us downstairs.” She grabbed the package from Phil’s hands and tossed it onto the couch.

Phil didn’t break eye contact with Dan. “Sorry, it’s my mum’s birthday or else I’d…”

Dan straightened up. “No, no, don’t worry about it. I’ll be in my apartment—4A—all weekend, ya know, unpacking and stuff in 4A. So yeah, uh, whenever. 4A.”

A wide smile spread across Phil’s face and his tongue slightly poked out. He laughed quietly at Dan’s lack of subtlety. “Sorry, what was that? I think I missed it. Did you say 5C?”

“Shut up you spork. I’m just gonna…” Dan took a few steps backwards and gave Phil a small two-fingered salute with his left hand. This time, Phil got a better look at the words on Dan’s forearm: So, do you always talk this much? His stomach involuntarily did a flippy-over-thing at the sight. Dan turned around and scampered into his apartment, quickly shutting the door behind him.

Cornelia shot Phil a confused look, but grasped his wrist and pulled him towards the stairs without question. “Come on, let’s go before we miss the cab.”

Phil remained silent as they trudged down the four flights of stairs to the lobby. In the back of his mind, he heard Martin yell at them to wait up. Together, the three of them waited in the crisp November air; while they stood on the pavement, Cornelia huddled into Martin for body warmth.

The cab came and Phil climbed into the backseat, as if on autopilot. His thoughts drifted to caramel eyes and a long brunette fringe. If he closed his eyes, he could almost hear Dan’s chuckle. He replayed their short interaction in his head over and over again on the way to the restaurant.

“Phil. PHIL. PHIL.” Martin’s fingers snapping loudly in his face pulled him out of his daydreams. “I said we’re here. Get out of the cab.”

“Oh. Oops.” Flustered, Phil opened the door and gracelessly clambered out, holding the door opened for his brother.

Dinner passed by in a blur. Several times, his mother asked him why he was particularly aloof tonight, but Phil brushed it off each time. Tonight was his mother’s special night and he didn’t want to overshadow her birthday celebrations. After the third time his mum expressed concern, Phil tried his best to push his encounter with his soulmate to the back of his head and engage more.

It wasn’t until he was standing outside the restaurant waiting with Martin and Cornelia for their cab again that he let his thoughts drift back to Dan.

“Cornelia?” Phil interrupted her conversation with Martin.

“Hmm?”

“What was in the box? From earlier?”

Cornelia smiled, a mischievous glint in her eye. “I’m not telling you.”

Phil cocked his head to the side. “Why not?”

“It’s your Christmas present, silly.”

Without warning, Phil flung himself at Cornelia, embracing her in a tight hug. “Thank you thank you thank you.”

Cornelia patted Phil’s back as best as she could, given that her arms were pinned to her side by Phil’s smothering hug. “I’ve gotten you a present every year for four years. Don’t worry about it.”

“Yeah, well, you never need to get me one again because you’re never going to top this.” Phil released her, stepping back.

“Okay, nerd, you haven’t even opened it yet.”

“No—I—uh…” His cheeks reddened. “Dan.”

Martin, who missed the entire interaction earlier, muttered, “Who the bloody hell is Dan?”

However, Cornelia’s eyes widened. Her eyes traveled down Phil’s right arm. “Was that…?”

Phil nodded sheepishly. “Yeah, yeah it was.”

This time, it was Cornelia who smothered Phil. “Oh my god. I’m so happy for you.” She stepped back, reaching up to squeeze Phil’s cheeks between her hands. “Does this mean you’ll stop spending every moment you can at our apartment?”

Phil smiled so wide it hurt. “Yeah, but I can’t promise you’ll see any less of me. He is your neighbor, after all.”

“Okay, what the fuck is going on?” Martin interjected.

“My package got delivered across the hall by accident and the new neighbor brought it over.” Cornelia roughly grabbed Phil’s arm and shoved it towards Martin’s face.

“Okay…?”

Cornelia rolled her eyes. “Oh my god, you’re so dense. Phil’s soulmate brought the package over.

A look of realization spread across Martin’s face. “Oh… Oh! Congratulations!” Phil smiled, suddenly eager to get back to the apartment. He was secretly hoping to bail on the Great British Bake Off marathon they had planned.

The ride back seemed to take an eternity. When they finally arrived at the apartment, Phil awkwardly loitered by the door while Martin and Cornelia hung their coats and set down their things.

“I’m sorry to be rude, but do you mind if I maybe go across the hall instead of watching the Bakeoff? See if Dan’s awake still?”

“Take the spares so you don’t wake us up when you come back.” Phil barely caught the keys Cornelia tossed at him.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Martin smirked.

“It’s not like that—I’m not going to… that. I just want to meet him. Properly.”

Cornelia shoved his shoulder lightly, pushing him in the direction of Dan’s apartment. “Get out of here. Have fun.”

As he stood in front of 4A, Phil took a steadying breath to try to calm his nerves. Before he could chicken out, he knocked lightly on Dan’s door. A quick glance at his watch told him it was nearly 23:00. He hoped Dan wasn’t an early sleeper.

Much to his relief, the door opened barely ten seconds after he knocked. Dan had changed into black joggers paired with a black tshirt and had clearly showered since Phil saw him earlier. Phil’s eyes were immediately drawn to Dan’s hair, which was a wet, curly mop on top of his head. Self-consciously, Dan fiddled with the curls, trying to tame them into submission.

“You have curly hair,” Phil murmured, stunned.

Dan flushed. “I know. I look like a fucking hobbit.”

Phil desperately wanted to reach out and run his hands through Dan’s hair, but they’d only just met and he didn’t want to freak Dan out. Instead, he said, “the cutest hobbit I’ve ever seen.”

The redness of Dan’s cheeks extended to his ears, but he smiled shyly and Phil could see a hint of his deep dimple. “Do you want to come in?”

“I’d like nothing more.”

As Phil entered the apartment, he scanned the lounge. It was obvious that Dan was still moving in, but the room was littered with knickknacks. A large Muse poster hung on the opposite wall. A charizard plushie sat haphazardly on the sofa. A boxed set of the Studio Ghibli movies balanced precariously atop the television. Mario Kart was paused on the screen.

No, Phil thought, I won’t have any trouble at all falling in love with this boy.

[sickficsbypyroyoshi]

Pyro’s archived fics #4: Tyler vs Norovirus

Again, the characters here are based on people I’ve known in real life. Additionally, parts of this story are true. The puke parts are all made up, but the field trip to the electrical convention, someone’s name tag being misprinted, Creeper Face, etc all actually happened.

At first, Tyler had simply assumed he was ravenously hungry, but now that he had food in front of him, he wasn’t so sure if he wanted it or not.

He’d woken up with a stomach ache and thought it was from hunger despite practically stuffing himself with food the night before. It wouldn’t be too surprising, as he did have a really fast metabolism. Since he didn’t have much time on this particular morning, he’d only had a piece of toast and a glass of orange juice for breakfast. It wasn’t satisfying and didn’t relieve the ache at all. In fact, it had only intensified by the time he got to school at 7 am.

Today was going to be a field trip day. He and all the other students in the electrical program were taking a trip to the Metropolitan Electrical Convention, and he had to be present at 9:00 am sharp in order to receive the points for it.

It was currently 7:38am, and he was sitting in the cafeteria area with three of his classmates, Devon, Zach and Sadie. The four of them would be carpooling together. Devon, an avid pot smoker, was a little short kid who had a different hat for every day of the week, while Zach was tall and lanky. He was a straight up redneck type who could go on for ages about hunting and at age twenty six, he was one of the older guys in the class. Sadie was the only girl in the class, and despite being the high maintenance hair and makeup must be perfect type, she was just as savvy with tools as her male classmates.

Tyler didn’t pay much attention to them. He stared at the sausage breakfast bowl in front of him. It was compiled of sausage, bacon, scrambled eggs and cheese on top of tater tots. Usually he wasted no time in devouring them, but something was off today. His abdominal pains had reached the point of being quite uncomfortable, but for some reason he had no real desire to eat despite being convinced he was hungry.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when he noticed that Zach was giving him a strange look.

“What’s the matter with you? Aren’t you going to eat that?”

“Uh, yeah. I was just zoning out.” Tyler responded. It was partly true.

He forced himself to eat the food in front of him. The first few bites had to be choked down, but eating did seem to help ease the pain a little, which made him relax a bit. He finished the whole thing and drank the large Pepsi he had bought to go along with it. Once he had demolished his food, he no longer felt agonizingly hungry, but really full. Little did he know all he was doing was temporarily diffusing the sickness that was building inside of him.

Once the four of them finished eating, they headed outside towards Sadie’s car. She was the most familiar with the city, so she would be driving.

After they all climbed into her car, they were on their way to the convention. It would be about a forty five minute drive.

Even though the drive wouldn’t be that long, the fear that he was sick was beginning to creep into the back of Tyler’s mind. He didn’t have a phobia of being sick, but he couldn’t evict the thought that he’d feel nauseous and throw up while at the convention. He usually got a stomach virus once every few years or so, and they all started the same: first he’d think he was incredibly hungry, then he’d feel overly stuffed and bloated, then the nausea would hit after that.

As much as he tried to tell himself that it was all in his head, he couldn’t ignore the rapidly growing stuffed feeling in his gut. The breakfast bowls were on the filling side, but they had never left him this heavy and bloated. He felt like he had eaten several of them.

Devon lit up a joint and took a long drag of it. “Any one want to hit this?”

“Give it here.” Zach swiped it and took two tokes before offering to pass.

Tyler held out his hand. Just because he didn’t feel that great didn’t mean he was going to turn down free weed. He took a drag and held the smoke in as he passed the joint to Sadie. She too took a hit.

“You think Creeper Face is going to be there?” she asked.

“I hope not. Besides, he’s gotten like six DUIs. How would he even get there?” Tyler responded.

“He’ll find a way. For him, getting another DUI must be like getting a trophy. He acts all pissed off but in some fucked up way he’s probably proud of it. I mean, I learned my lesson after two DUIs.” Zach noted.

For some odd reason, thinking about Creeper Face made Tyler really notice the expansive, heavy feeling in his stomach. He shifted around in his seat in an attempt to get more comfortable, but it wasn’t working. As the minutes ticked by, the fullness hadn’t dwindled even a little, which indicated that something definitely wasn’t right.

He refrained from mentioning it and looked out the window. His classmates were blathering about something, but he didn’t feel like saying much and just added a word here and there.

A sudden spike of mild nausea took him by surprise. It wasn’t strong enough for him to ask Sadie to stop the car, but it was enough for him to notice. When he took another drag from the joint, it receded a little, but wasn’t completely vanquished. He shut his eyes and tried ignore it for the remainder of the ride, but it didn’t work, mainly due to his classmate’s blathering.

“People need to stop licking Teddy Bridgewater’s asscrack. The dude has played ONE game and looks like he’s about twelve.” Zach rambled.

“He’s better than Christian Ponder! Ponder’s the reason why the Vikings have sucked so bad lately.” Devon countered.

“No, the Vikings have always sucked. They sucked in 1963, and they still suck now.” Sadie corrected.

Tyler didn’t give even a fraction of a crap. He was more of a Packers fan anyways.

He passed time by looking out the window and focusing on the skyline to try and take his mind off of the nagging nauseous feeling that was worming its way back.

He was feeling pretty sick by the time they arrived in the city, and his hope that it would pass had been shattered. Even the slightest bump in the road seemed to increase his nausea.

His companions were pretty baked at this point and failed to notice his predicament. Any trace of a high that Tyler had felt had been replaced by his rapidly growing queasiness.

Finally after several missed turns, circling blocks multiple times and a women can’t drive joke from Zach, Sadie located a parking garage with open spots. They parked on level F and had to walk several blocks to the convention center.

The air was rather frigid for early November, and it was actually cold enough to allow for an inch of snow had it been in the forecast.

Three members of the quartet whined about being cold, but Tyler felt hot in addition to feeling sick. By this point, he knew he was well and truly fucked. The signs of a stomach virus were all there: intense abdominal pain followed by bloating, nausea and heat waves, which suggested he would most likely end up down on his knees in the bathroom at some point in the day.

Still, he kept his thoughts to himself and remained silent as he followed his classmates to the convention center’s main doors.

The cavernous building was packed with people standing in large clusters, thus barricading paths and bringing a claustrophobic feel to the place. Tons of temporary directional signs were scattered around, and each one had at least five and sets of numbers arrows on it.

Tyler passed a bathroom and debated on wether or not to go inside. He thought about getting it over with and forcing himself to throw up, but if he did have norovirus or something similar, it wouldn’t help much, so he decided to forgo that idea.

He felt a bit sicker as he was herded towards a large conference room on the first floor. Before any of the students could actually browse the show booths, they had to sit through half an hour of guest speakers.

One of his instructors met the class outside of the room and handed out their name tags. Devon’s nametag had been misprinted as Devson. Normally Tyler would have found that amusing, but at the moment he was not in a laughing mood.

He was dreading this presentation and doubted that he’d make it through the whole thing. What if he puked during the presentation? Not only would everyone be able to see and hear it, there was always the risk that it would set off someone else and start a chain reaction puke a thon. He tried to push the thoughts out, but they stayed and tormented him.

And so he sat there in misery, not listening to a single word guest speaker number one was saying. The temperature in the room was sweltering, partly due to his sickness and partly due to the sheer number of people occupying it. He briefly removed his hat and ran his fingers through his hair before putting it back on, but it did nothing to help cool him down.

Another nausea wave ripped through him, and he involuntarily emitted a soft moan. With the nausea came a hot sensation the started in his stomach and radiated outwards. At this point he knew he was definitely going to puke, it was just a matter of when. He hoped that it could wait, but it wasn’t too likely. Some people could fight off the nausea and banish it completely, but Tyler wasn’t one of those people.

He thought about all the things he had eaten in the last 24 hours that were currently residing in his small intestines. The sausage bowl, large Pepsi, toast and orange juice from this morning, the entire pepperoni pizza from last night, and the LeeAnn Chin bourbon chicken entree from yesterday afternoon, all of which he’d be seeing again soon. He could practically taste them.

Time had never seemed to pass so slowly. After what seemed like centuries, the second guest speaker stepped down and the final one took the stand.

Tyler gripped his abdomen as another intense peak of nausea washed over him. It reminded him of a pulsating DC sinewave, with a sharp peak followed by a much flatter receding line, with another sharp peak right after it, only in this case it was peaks of nausea instead of electricity. He wouldn’t be able to keep this up much longer.

He must have looked quite sick, since his baked classmates finally noticed that he was struggling to hold his composure.

“Hey, are you okay? You don’t look so good,” Sadie commented.

Tyler shook his head. “No. I feel really sick.”

He wanted to get up and seek out a bathroom, but at the same time he didn’t want to bring attention to himself. Acid crept up his throat, and he was gripped by panic. He swallowed and tightly gripped the edge of his chair, trying his best not to puke on the floor. Unless he got up now, he wasn’t going to make it.

Thankfully, the final guest speaker ceased their speech and stepped down, signifying that everyone could leave the room.

Tyler felt dizzy as he stood up and once again choked back the chunks that were threatening to rise. He had to get out, but the people in front of him were taking their sweet time.

Somehow, he made it out of the room without exploding, but the panicky feeling returned when he realized that he didn’t have the faintest idea where the nearest bathrooms were. Time was up, so he’d have to settle for the next best thing. He spotted a large garbage can nearby and went for it.

He was about to be humiliated in public by puking in front of a bunch of strangers and it was going to suck, but it was his only option besides staying where he was and letting it all come out where he stood.

Right as he was about to lean over the garbage can, his path was intercepted by someone he didn’t want to see. Creeper Face stood there, and Tyler could tell he was going to say something douchy.

“So I almost got another DUI last night,” Creeper Face began.

“I don’t care, fuck off!” Tyler barely managed to get the words out as saliva dripped from his mouth.

“So I met these two hot chicks, right? They were underage, but I didn’t let that stop me, I got them both loaded. One just passed out, but the other one managed to lose both her bra and panties, if you know what I mean.”

Tyler retched.

“I fucked her senseless in every position. She wanted me so bad. And you know what? She was a virgin before she met me.” Creeper Face continued.

Tyler pictured his hideous, thirty something and extremely creepy classmate thrusting into some poor barely conscious girl who may or may not have consented, and the mental image pushed him over the edge.

He heaved and brought up a large mouthful of light brown puke which just barely made it into the can. He hovered over it and braced himself with his left hand while he put his right hand on his head to prevent his hat from falling off. The first mouthful was merely a precursor, and he knew that gastrointestinal violence was about to ensue. He was right. The second wave was more forceful and voluminous, and he could see it splash down all over the garbage in the bottom of the can. Since it was mainly composed of things he ate a mere two hours ago, it didn’t taste too bad.

People had taken notice of the scene by now and some were gawking, but Tyler did his best to ignore them. Thankfully most of the spectators had the manners to leave him alone as opposed to shoving an iphone in his face.

Right after expelling a third wave of liquified sausage and toast, he sensed his personal space being invaded.

Creeper Face had gotten too close for comfort and seemed to be watching him intently.

Tyler shuddered at this. He had heard of emetophilia, and while he wasn’t into it, if someone else got aroused upon seeing him puke, so be it. However, if that person was Creeper Face, that was more than a little disturbing.

His thoughts were interrupted as he retched noisily and continued to puke his guts out rather violently. The orange juice burned as it came up, and it nearly made his eyes water. It was followed by a torrent that was 50% Pepsi, which only made the burning sensation worse. His throat was on fire by this point, but another plentiful wave came up before he got a break.

Once he was sure it was over, he slumped onto a nearby bench. Creeper Face followed.

“What’s the matter? Don’t you like virgins?” he asked in a perverse manner.

Tyler just glared at him before putting his head in his hands. He didn’t have the energy to deal with that creepy asshole’s bullshit. He didn’t feel much better either, and it would probably only be a matter of time before round two would commence.

Despite that, he stayed at the convention for a little while in order to receive his points. He rejoined with his small group, bought himself a bottle of water to get the taste of barf out of his mouth and was relieved when Creeper Face was driven off after Zach and Devon threatened to kick his ass two on one for being a pervert.

Tyler absentmindedly browsed the booths. If he had felt better, he would have been more interested, so he briefly scanned them instead. Each booth had individual parts, a device, a motor, or even a full circuit on display. There were snacks as well as tons of parts and tools for sale, and many of the electricians present were named Mark, Bob or Dean. It was probably a mere coincidence, but Tyler thought that was a bit odd.

They stayed for another half hour or so before deciding to head out. Tyler didn’t object since he was beginning to feel crappy again. It wasn’t as bad as before, but he wanted to get home so he could lay down for a while. On his way out, he caught a glimpse of a peeved looking custodian cleaning out the garbage can he had puked in earlier.

His nausea level didn’t dramatically increase until they began the journey back to the school grounds. Not even five minutes into the drive, the rising and falling nausea peaks took him over again, and much faster than before.

“How are you feeling?” Sadie asked, as if reading his mind.

“Terrible.” Tyler admitted.

He didn’t have to throw up quite yet, but he could feel things sloshing around in his stomach. He shut his eyes and rested his head on the back of Sadie’s seat for several minutes. Just like earlier in the day, he could feel every bump in the road and the need to puke again increased every time Sadie did a jack rabbit start or sudden stop. After a while of this, he was awash with nausea and felt his throat expand. Instead of suffering like he did back at the convention, he decided to get it all over with and ask to be let out of the car.

“Can you stop? I feel really sick.” he asked desperately. He had a hard time forming the words and subconsciously knew he had waited too long to ask.

“I’m afraid not. We’re on the highway. Can you hold on a bit?” Sadie questioned.

“He could puke out the window,” Devon suggested.

“No way. That could be a safety hazard for the people behind us. He’s going to have to wait until I can get off the highway.” Sadie countered.

Tyler gagged and knew he was doomed as a copious amount of vomit surged up his throat. He put a hand to his mouth and tried to hold it back, but it was no use. It gushed through his fingers and rained down onto his shirt, pants and the seat, sending hundreds of thousands of norovirus particles in every direction.

“Oh shit! No way!” Zach, who was in the back with him, tried to move further away, but he had nowhere to go and was bombarded with the virus particles. He swallowed more than enough of them to make him sick.

Tyler forcefully threw up all over the back of Sadie’s seat, making an even bigger mess. He had no control over it, and it felt like he was bringing up everything he had eaten in the past year. It was starting to become painful. Yes, he had eaten a lot, but how much more could there be? Apparently quite a bit, as he leaned forward and continued to puke profusely all over the plastic car mats. A sizeable pool had formed on the floor at this point, and some had gotten on his shoes as well.

“No offense Tyler, but I can’t concentrate on driving with you puking demonic possession style in the back of my car.” Sadie said bluntly. She inhaled many norovirus particles, as did Devon.

In a matter of seconds, Sadie, Devon and Zach all consumed thousands of those malicious microbes, which only ensured that they’d be sharing Tyler’s fate within a day or so.

After Tyler was finished, he panted and tried to regain his composure. He didn’t know what to say, so he remained silent. He was unable to look his classmates in the eye and he was beginning to feel rather humiliated as he sat there covered in his own puke. It was starting to soak into his clothes. The silence that fell over the car was turning awkward, so he finally broke it.

“Uh..Sadie, on a scale of one to ten, how mad are you?” he asked cautiously.

“I’m not mad, but you’re paying for the interior car wash when I can find one.”

It took her twenty minutes to find a car wash that offered both exterior and interior washes, and by that time all four windows had been rolled way down despite the cold temperature.

The newly infected trio waited outside as the vehicle was taken inside to be thoroughly cleaned, and Tyler moseyed over to the adjacent gas station to get himself cleaned. He received more than a few stares as he maneuvered through the store isles.

When he slunk into the bathroom and looked in the mirror, he realized just how badly he had nailed himself. The puke was immediately noticeable, as the brown clashed with his green T shirt. There was no point trying to save it since it would likely be stained forever. He settled for wiping all the chunks off of himself, and that alone required using many sheets of thin, sub par paper towels.

After combating the damage, Tyler waited around for a couple minutes. He still felt sick and wanted to be rid of the offending virus. Despite the fact that he had thrown up quite copiously twice already, he still didn’t feel empty. There was definitely more to come.

He hovered over the toilet and waited for a while, purposely thinking about grotesque things such as pus filled abscesses exploding onto a naked Creeper Face, but to no avail. Nothing happened.

Several minutes later, he gave up and went back outside. His classmates were waiting, along with Sadie’s now sparkling clean car. They asked again if he was alright, he said no, and so they got a bag for him before getting back in the vehicle.

Tyler reached out for the door handle, but suddenly stopped and paused. His throat expanded and he dry heaved with no warning. Whatever was left inside him was coming up at an alarming speed.

He barely had time to turn away before he sent a waterfall of sour tasting liquid splashing all over the pavement. He dropped to his knees and puked violently onto the ground, the ensuing retching and splashing sounds rousing the attention of his classmates. There weren’t many solids left at this point since it was mostly made up of bile and water. Each heave was accompanied by a stab of gut twisting pain, which only made the experience worse.

“Damn, he’s really sick. Maybe we should get him some medicine or something.” Devon stated the obvious.

“Yeah, you aren’t going to die are you?” Zach inquired. “Because that would be tough to explain to the cops.”

“I just want it to stop,” Tyler moaned in between retches, only to be cut off as he expelled more opaque watery puke.

He had officially reached the stage of wanting to curl into a ball and call for his mom despite being nearly twenty two. Not only that, but all of his control was gone. Of the three times he had puked today, not even once had he made it to the bathroom on time. It made him feel like he was about five.

He gagged and painfully puked up a few small waves of stomach acid before he was finally finished. His entire abdomen hurt from throwing up so much, and there was a large part of him that wanted to lay down right there in the parking lot.

Slowly but surely, he felt a teensy bit better as the minutes went by. By no means did he feel good, he was more in between super crappy and really crappy, but at least it was a slight improvement.

Eventually he felt okay enough to get back in the car. Even though he had successfully eliminated a good number of the norovirus particles, he had a nagging suspicion that it wasn’t quite over yet.

[danandphilsecretsanta]

4A

To: @love-and-hate-3

Most people’s soulmate tattoos are fairly short – “excuse me” or “nice to meet you” were common phrases. Most people just don’t say that much in one breath to a complete stranger. Most people, however, are not Phil’s soulmate. Thus, while everyone else has pretty, dainty phrases on their forearms, Phil has an entire paragraph crammed between his elbow and his hand in teeny tiny print. The size, combined with the messy handwriting, caused Phil to spend hours deciphering what the first words his soulmate will say to him actually were. On his sixteenth birthday, Phil couldn’t help but be a bit disappointed that he was still clueless as to how his first interaction would go.

Since then, hundreds of hours in classes, work, and procrastination have been spent trying to make out the words. Over half a decade later, he’s pretty sure he’s correctly identified enough words to get the gist of what it says. Now it’s just a matter of waiting.

Phil sat on sofa in his brother’s lounge, idly flipping through a magazine, while he waited for his brother and his girlfriend to finally be ready to leave. A light knock at the door brought him out of his daze.

“Phil,” he heard Cornelia call from the bedroom, “can you grab the door? We’re expecting a package!”

With a sigh, Phil tossed the magazine onto the coffee table and walked to the door. His mum’s birthday present teetered slightly as the magazine collided with it. When he opened the door, he found a slightly smaller boy with a similar fringe holding a box and standing awkwardly in the hallway. Phil opened his mouth to ask where he should sign, but was cut off before he could say anything.

“Hi, I just moved in and this got delivered to me and the grouchy woman down the hall said to bring it to this apartment” As the boy talked, Phil could slowly feel a smirk growing on his face. The boy, however, wasn’t quite making eye contact and continued rambling. “Are you Cornelia? Obviously you’re not. Are you her husband? Boyfriend? Sorry – just – here.” The boy shoved the package into Phil’s arms before turning around to retreat back towards what Phil assumed was his own apartment.

“So, do you always talk this much?” He called out.

The boy stopped in his tracks, slowly turning around to face Phil. The awkward expression was replaced by a cheeky grin accompanied by an adorably deep dimple.

“Only when I’m caught off guard by incredibly hot guys.”

Now it was Phil’s turn to blush. He stuck out his hand. “Hi, I’m Phil, Cornelia’s quasi brother-in-law.”

“Hi,” the boy smiled. “I’m Dan, Cornelia’s new neighbor.”

“I’ve been waiting about six years for that package, you know.”

Dan leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms across his chest. Phil caught a glimpse of his own sloppy scrawl on Dan’s left forearm.

“Man, I knew the Royal Mail was shit, but I think that might be a new low. To be fair, I’ve only had it about ten minutes.” Dan chuckled quietly and Phil knew immediately that he would have no problem falling in love with that laugh.

Cornelia appeared behind Phil, carrying both her and Martin’s and Phil’s presents in her hands.

“Did you get the package, Phil?” Cornelia’s eyes drifted to Dan, who was still leaning in the doorway. “Oh, hi,” she said to Dan.

“Hello, I’m Dan.” Like a perfect gentleman, Dan extended his hand to shake Cornelia’s. “Your package got delivered to my place by accident.”

“Thanks for bringing it by! Are you new here? I haven’t seen you around.”

“Yeah, I just moved into apartment 4A last week.”

“Lovely to meet you. We’d love to have you over for tea sometime soon.” Cornelia turned to Phil. “Martin just called the cab and said he’d meet us downstairs.” She grabbed the package from Phil’s hands and tossed it onto the couch.

Phil didn’t break eye contact with Dan. “Sorry, it’s my mum’s birthday or else I’d…”

Dan straightened up. “No, no, don’t worry about it. I’ll be in my apartment—4A—all weekend, ya know, unpacking and stuff in 4A. So yeah, uh, whenever. 4A.”

A wide smile spread across Phil’s face and his tongue slightly poked out. He laughed quietly at Dan’s lack of subtlety. “Sorry, what was that? I think I missed it. Did you say 5C?”

“Shut up you spork. I’m just gonna…” Dan took a few steps backwards and gave Phil a small two-fingered salute with his left hand. This time, Phil got a better look at the words on Dan’s forearm: So, do you always talk this much? His stomach involuntarily did a flippy-over-thing at the sight. Dan turned around and scampered into his apartment, quickly shutting the door behind him.

Cornelia shot Phil a confused look, but grasped his wrist and pulled him towards the stairs without question. “Come on, let’s go before we miss the cab.”

Phil remained silent as they trudged down the four flights of stairs to the lobby. In the back of his mind, he heard Martin yell at them to wait up. Together, the three of them waited in the crisp November air; while they stood on the pavement, Cornelia huddled into Martin for body warmth.

The cab came and Phil climbed into the backseat, as if on autopilot. His thoughts drifted to caramel eyes and a long brunette fringe. If he closed his eyes, he could almost hear Dan’s chuckle. He replayed their short interaction in his head over and over again on the way to the restaurant.

“Phil. PHIL. PHIL.” Martin’s fingers snapping loudly in his face pulled him out of his daydreams. “I said we’re here. Get out of the cab.”

“Oh. Oops.” Flustered, Phil opened the door and gracelessly clambered out, holding the door opened for his brother.

Dinner passed by in a blur. Several times, his mother asked him why he was particularly aloof tonight, but Phil brushed it off each time. Tonight was his mother’s special night and he didn’t want to overshadow her birthday celebrations. After the third time his mum expressed concern, Phil tried his best to push his encounter with his soulmate to the back of his head and engage more.

It wasn’t until he was standing outside the restaurant waiting with Martin and Cornelia for their cab again that he let his thoughts drift back to Dan.

“Cornelia?” Phil interrupted her conversation with Martin.

“Hmm?”

“What was in the box? From earlier?”

Cornelia smiled, a mischievous glint in her eye. “I’m not telling you.”

Phil cocked his head to the side. “Why not?”

“It’s your Christmas present, silly.”

Without warning, Phil flung himself at Cornelia, embracing her in a tight hug. “Thank you thank you thank you.”

Cornelia patted Phil’s back as best as she could, given that her arms were pinned to her side by Phil’s smothering hug. “I’ve gotten you a present every year for four years. Don’t worry about it.”

“Yeah, well, you never need to get me one again because you’re never going to top this.” Phil released her, stepping back.

“Okay, nerd, you haven’t even opened it yet.”

“No—I—uh…” His cheeks reddened. “Dan.”

Martin, who missed the entire interaction earlier, muttered, “Who the bloody hell is Dan?”

However, Cornelia’s eyes widened. Her eyes traveled down Phil’s right arm. “Was that…?”

Phil nodded sheepishly. “Yeah, yeah it was.”

This time, it was Cornelia who smothered Phil. “Oh my god. I’m so happy for you.” She stepped back, reaching up to squeeze Phil’s cheeks between her hands. “Does this mean you’ll stop spending every moment you can at our apartment?”

Phil smiled so wide it hurt. “Yeah, but I can’t promise you’ll see any less of me. He is your neighbor, after all.”

“Okay, what the fuck is going on?” Martin interjected.

“My package got delivered across the hall by accident and the new neighbor brought it over.” Cornelia roughly grabbed Phil’s arm and shoved it towards Martin’s face.

“Okay…?”

Cornelia rolled her eyes. “Oh my god, you’re so dense. Phil’s soulmate brought the package over.

A look of realization spread across Martin’s face. “Oh… Oh! Congratulations!” Phil smiled, suddenly eager to get back to the apartment. He was secretly hoping to bail on the Great British Bake Off marathon they had planned.

The ride back seemed to take an eternity. When they finally arrived at the apartment, Phil awkwardly loitered by the door while Martin and Cornelia hung their coats and set down their things.

“I’m sorry to be rude, but do you mind if I maybe go across the hall instead of watching the Bakeoff? See if Dan’s awake still?”

“Take the spares so you don’t wake us up when you come back.” Phil barely caught the keys Cornelia tossed at him.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Martin smirked.

“It’s not like that—I’m not going to… that. I just want to meet him. Properly.”

Cornelia shoved his shoulder lightly, pushing him in the direction of Dan’s apartment. “Get out of here. Have fun.”

As he stood in front of 4A, Phil took a steadying breath to try to calm his nerves. Before he could chicken out, he knocked lightly on Dan’s door. A quick glance at his watch told him it was nearly 23:00. He hoped Dan wasn’t an early sleeper.

Much to his relief, the door opened barely ten seconds after he knocked. Dan had changed into black joggers paired with a black tshirt and had clearly showered since Phil saw him earlier. Phil’s eyes were immediately drawn to Dan’s hair, which was a wet, curly mop on top of his head. Self-consciously, Dan fiddled with the curls, trying to tame them into submission.

“You have curly hair,” Phil murmured, stunned.

Dan flushed. “I know. I look like a fucking hobbit.”

Phil desperately wanted to reach out and run his hands through Dan’s hair, but they’d only just met and he didn’t want to freak Dan out. Instead, he said, “the cutest hobbit I’ve ever seen.”

The redness of Dan’s cheeks extended to his ears, but he smiled shyly and Phil could see a hint of his deep dimple. “Do you want to come in?”

“I’d like nothing more.”

As Phil entered the apartment, he scanned the lounge. It was obvious that Dan was still moving in, but the room was littered with knickknacks. A large Muse poster hung on the opposite wall. A charizard plushie sat haphazardly on the sofa. A boxed set of the Studio Ghibli movies balanced precariously atop the television. Mario Kart was paused on the screen.

No, Phil thought, I won’t have any trouble at all falling in love with this boy.