#so i still really respect what they're doing and am not gonna say anything identifying about this work (it's completely unrelated to tot)

[vynegar]

help i have such Opinions on translation now

[discyours]

If we assume a great number of trans people are on the autistic spectrum it still makes me wonder -since they didnt ”internalize” the role that they were being socialized into since the day 1 (well-the attempts to done by society and family) why did they internalize the opposite instead? I would assume if they don’t see the difference, say screw the differences - then why jump from one box to the other saying no i dont belong to this box and never did but my true self belongs to this particular box instead of idk saying both boxes are rather…dumb. That would make more sense to me if i think of autistic people and yet i see so much clutching and rigidity but maybe i’m wrong and the demographic i’m describing could be different and come with other reasoning, experiences and feelings. I know it’s a gross generalization from the start as i am aware every single individual has unique experience of it all- still i think we can agree there are some similarities that can be drawn here and there, in big lines. I would totally love to hear what you think. You are very insightful when it comes to it all, thank you for taking your time to be on this blog

The Autistic Experience varies a ton, but something that's pretty consistent in my observation is a combination of 1, a need for rules and structure in order to make sense of the world, and 2, an inability to follow rules that don't make sense (because respecting authority for authority's sake is just a social convention).

What counts as a rule is gonna be different for any given autistic person than it is for neurotypicals (and often, other autistic people), and what does and doesn't make sense to us is also likely to vary a lot.

A lot of autistic people DO throw out the idea of a gender binary because "there are only men and women, despite the fact that intersex conditions exist and despite the fact that you don't identify with either social role" is not a rule that makes sense to them, and is therefore worthless. A lot of autistic people identify as nonbinary or agender. I'd say that might actually be more common than identifying as binary trans, but I don't have any statistics to back that up. But they aren't just throwing out the rules, they're replacing them with new ones that do make sense to them. Rules about what's transphobic for example (which can, within their framework, often be anything that reinforces a gender or sex binary). Or rules about what does and doesn't constitute being "cis". For other autistic people, the sex/gender binary DOES make sense to them, and the concept of nonbinary/agender does not fit within that, therefore does not make sense, therefore becomes worthless. When I was a transmed I never would've even considered if I felt more "nonbinary" than male. It just wasn't something that existed within the framework that made sense to me (which at the time was that your "brain sex" determines your gender and that my brain was "the wrong sex" for my body, but that there was no evidence for "nonbinary brains"). And I subscribed to other rules about gender dysphoria. What it meant, what caused it and what treated it.

In either case it can be incredibly painful for people to disagree or to cast doubt on your understanding of things, because it feels like they're literally trying to tear down your entire framework for understanding the world and yourself. Letting go of that rigidity can be really difficult and that makes autistic people vulnerable to getting caught up in extremist worldviews, but that doesn't mean our opinions are worth less than neurotypical people's.

[ihearyou-jikook]

Hi lovely! I'm an avid Jikook supporter and I will always be.

However, there's two things i always go back to. I really wanted your opinion on them!

Mijoo. The hugging picture and the drinks. Her managers/staff debunked the drinking photo, saying that Jungkook was doing something and then met up with her and other people, so it wasn't just them at the table.

The hug, though. Idk, it seemed intimate to me? Her managers, herself and Bighit denied the rumors, but what do you think of the whole thing? Do you think Jikook had bern broken up at the time and they had a brief fling?

2. The girl outside the meat restaurant. Theres that video of Jungkook in black clothes, he signs something and then leaves, and supposedly a girl is waiting outside. I saw the whole video and it seems like he's going to walk past her, but the vídeo ends before that. Here it is: https://youtube.com/shorts/D6khz38appQ?feature=share

Could just be a girl standing outside. But people still talk about it.

So, what do you think?

Anon Ask #2

Hi! I wanted your opinion on something i've been thinking about, with taennie coming out and stuff. Do you remember when Jungkook was seen leaving a meat restaurant and, supposedly, there was a girl with him? You can see her standing outside. What do you think of that?

In my opinion, it was more likely to be a staff, since they're always accompanied by managers/staff wherever they go. I don't think Jungkook would be that bold like Taehyung. I also believe in Jikook, but I remembered it and started thinking about it.

Does anyone know who that girl was? Besides the fake Yubi rumors?

Hello Anons!

Before we get into this, there are 2 things I wanna touch on.

First, I am not the best person to come to about "off-cam" rumor moments. I typically see it, make an opinion on my own about it and move on. I don't keep receipts and I don't have sources. So I apologize if that's what you guys were hoping for. My response to your questions won't be very long or thorough.

Second, both of these Asks were worded nicely and I appreciate that. My Jikook spidey senses tho, well, it's telling me that the next wave of trolls might be coming thru with this kind of stuff to try to drag JK in light of Taennie.

So after this post, I won't be entertaining this topic any further than this.

Alright, coffee & Anon asks, let's get it ☕☕☕

The Mijoo situation was denied first and foremost. && The whole thing seemed sus on her part. No, I don't think Jikook was broken up, nor do I think they had a fling. Why? Because if you've been watching and listening to JM & JK you see that both are romantic AF and respect each other very much. Even if they were going through a rough patch or were on a break I highly doubt they sought out other people.

Newsflash for anyone unaware: It is possible to mutually decide to take a break in a relationship to figure your shit out without being intimate or seeking validation through other partners. I have personally done this and here I am married to that person.

No, I don't think the hug was all that intimate. She had a bf. So that tells me right there, JK ain't hugging this woman, who has a bf, with any interest in her because he's respectful. And her bf would have probably felt threatened if anything intimate was going on there because JK ain't the only man who has possessive tendencies in Korea.

Everyone loves to pair JK with women which I really can't understand why. I personally don't even think he is bi. Pan maybe.

Also if I'm remembering correctly she did tattoos for him? Which he had covered up right?

For the restaurant clip where JK walked out and there was a chick standing on the street 🙄🙄🙄 IMO, looked like he was gonna walk past. The clip is so short, there really isn't much you can tell from it. I have no idea if she was identified. It could have been anyone.

This moment is a drop in the sea of JK voicing who he has loved for years on end.

K, that's all I got for ya! Baiii.

Lip biting Jai-kay inc...

[tanihanya]

Why do these posts keep happening? How are they so easily accepted? I don't understand.

I am not a trans amab, I am a Woman, or trying to be. I would rather die labelled the manliest man on this fucking planet than endure queer spaces acting as if identifying me, other girls, and my nb siblings as "amab" as only a replacement for Man while still seeming progressive. Can we please get into our heads what using this label so excessively is actually communicating here-- Using the acronym instead of saying "He was originally a man" i hear from parents and their friends is the same fucking thing and I'm tired of seeing it. Just wanted to get that out of the way before I just really wanted to ask

What purpose does this post possess? I've looked over it a few times now and I still don't understand what you're trying to do. While you call out all "trans amabs" you immediately group all of us into transfemmes. What this post serves, of course, is just to split the community even further over things that are an issue to all of us.

Yes, I agree, transfems are given more attention, and support than transmascs, enbies, and others by the general media. But why are you using that as if we don't understand your situation? We live this situation too! Please, We are both in the exact same spot right now. Yes, we receive more attention and support, but we receive more hatred and aggression. And even then it doesn't fully matter. No matter who's gaining more hatred right now, the important thing is to make sure that we're supporting eachother no matter what. You sling this as transphobia and come at me with "Why is it always the trans amabs?"- Pulling me back to things said in the same tones by people who would repulse you.

I, a "trans amab"- fully understand that there are others than just mtf people here- They're really really fucken cool, and I wouldn't put harm on any of them for anything. They are my friends and my family, in some cases both literally and not. I, a "trans amab" have also felt transmisogyny and transphobia from other Transfems, other transmascs, other enbies, and other women.

Why, when it felt like we were in agreement that it's about the person and not how they were born, do we act like this again, grouping me and my enbie siblings together as "trans amabs" who need to "dismantle our patriarchal views" as if it is a characteristic I was ever even born with??

This post, please correct me if I'm wrong, but it only gives the vibe that you don't recognise us as a valid part of this at all. You went through all of this clearly talking about trans girls and yet avoiding those words like the plague. You talked about excluding nb people and then completely shunned enbie amabs.

The post gives that same vibe about cishet men-- why do you believe that men are born with misogynistic tendencies? Why do you assign that to all of us? Men are really fucking cool, they're actually so awesome- even if I'm not one of them.

No, I'm not playing the victim card here on cishet men, but I'm saying that this pattern is really concerning and I hate how dehumanising people can be here.

I'm tired of being treated like my birth means that I'm gonna be some hyper creepy incel freak no matter what I do.

I'm tired of my friends being treated as invalid by *any* queer space, because it happens to all of us.

I'm tired of this erasure of eachother's issues and petty fighting when while transphobia from within the community is a problem, it's not a problem to be dealt with by more transphobia.

I'm tired of queer spaces acting like it can just discriminate against any group, INCLUDING cis straight men, by the way, because 'we are queer so we decide the oppression rules'

We need to be able to talk about trans misogyny and transphobia from trans people in a better way. One that doesn't call names, doesn't demonise eachother, doesn't create cliques, and most importantly: is just respectful and aware that everyone struggles in a unique and separate way. I'm not trying to argue here I am trying to beg, can we please be more understanding? It's difficult to deal with so often.

I'm sorry if I've sounded incoherent in. This I'm really sorry. I know I should scroll past shit like this but please gimme a break

WHY IS IT ALWAYS TRANS AMABS,,,

Are always the most transphobic towards other trans and nonbinary folks. Transitioning does not absolve you from misogyny and/or transphobia, and part of Transitioning into womanhood should also include dismantling your patriarchal misogynistic views but alot of you ignore that part or justify it with being transgender and it shows. Both the media and society loves to put mtf trans people at the front and ignore the rest of us. We don't need anymore hatred or bigotry. Other trans people exist outside the mtf corner so do better

[butch-reidentified]

Honestly I I feel that some of my problems would go away if I just... go on T. I'm a woman in STEM and I know how male voices and male names are prioritized over women's, I know that I would be better respected in my field (mathematics) if I had a male presentation. I already dress masculine and go by a male preferred name but I still "identify" as a woman (pronouns, etc. this ofc raises some eyebrows from my friends and uni faculty, as if GNCmity aren't a thing.) People typically think I'm a man until I open my mouth to speak. I know it's selfish, and it's cowardly, and it's society's misogyny, and other women are suffering too. But God the easy way out is so tempting. I wish I could have a male voice so that my female friends can safely call me when someone is following them at night. I remember my bestfriend calling her (ex-)friend when an old guy was harrasing her, and how he immediately asked for sex in exchange for helping her. I see my friend who has PTSD from sexual abuse afraid of leaving relationships because she believes she needs a man to protect her from 'the next rapist.' I've been successful in helping her get out of bad relationships so far and offering her a safe place. All the women in my life are in somewhat similar positions... having to rely on a man for their own survival... It's an irrational thought but maybe I can give them a sort of social protection if I present myself as a male person they can go to when they need help.

Do you feel/know if other detrans radfems feel the same way? Sorry deeply emotional as I write this and I needed a different perspective.

Have a nice day!

Hey, I'm sorry to hear you're going through these things. While I don't really feel the same, I've heard from many, many women who do. I'm gonna go one topic at a time here.

STEM-related:

To be honest, my being a woman in science is actually a major part of why I HATED the idea of being viewed as male even when I was on T and a libfem. I never ever wanted to be a guy. First off, because ever since I was really really little and boys were mean to me for being a girl, I've been completely convinced that we are the superior sex, no matter what anyone told me. Men always struck me as weak, easily manipulated (they'll do literally anything if you challenge them or imply they're cowardly or wimpy), impulsive, rude, emotionally volatile, childish, self-centered, etc. They brag about things they have not earned. Boys I knew in elementary would brag about their ALLOWANCE. Like... bro, your mom gives you that from her income, you ain't did shit for it 💀 In STEM in particular, I felt that my accomplishments would be less deserved, less earned, if I were viewed as male. I HATED that idea with a passion. I read about that one FTM researcher who was told his work was "so much better than his sister's." He didn't have a sister. Fuck that, I want to make my name on as true merit as possible. So while I can't say I relate to your feelings on this, I certainly understand where they're coming from. The only advice I have is to try to see from the persepctive I described above and see if you find peace in that.

Social Protection:

This is a bit more complicated. Again, I've never wanted to be a man, but I am fiercely protective of other women and girls, so I get why you feel that way. I understand feeling powerless to help in some situations as a woman. You may not be able to pull the "back off man, I'm her boyfriend" card or similar, but you can still look out for the women you care about, as you've shown by helping your friend get out of relationships before. It took time and conscious effort, but I trained myself to be brave and confrontational with men. With enough practice, it's become instinctive and reflexive. Meaning if I'm with a friend walking downtown at night and a man says some shit to her, I don't stop to think before I get in his face and tell him off. I will absolutely get in physical fights if necessary and have before. I also carry a knife and 1-2 pistols on me most times, which helps with the bravery bit, though I was doing this before I bought my guns or got my concealed carry permit. You might not be able to intimidate men by being one, but you absolutely can still intimidate or frighten them by being loud, aggressive, bold, and a little unhinged. AND you get the element of surprise as a woman.

As for the calling you when being followed, they should do that regardless. The threat isn't a male voice, it's the existence of a witness. If you're talking to a friend and she says she feels unsafe or threatened, then mysteriously the call cuts off, you're immediately going to call 911. I've found that even just faking being on the phone dissuades most creepy follow-y men.

Anyway, I don't know if any of this is helpful to you at all, but it definitely works for me. Please feel free to hmu if you have any questions or want to talk. Oh, and don't apologize for having emotions. You didn't do anything wrong, that's just femsoc & it isn't benefiting you 💕

If anyone else has anything to contribute please do!

[dabi-drift]

Yaoyorozu, Hawks, Bakugou, Amajiki, Dabi, Mirko & Geten with a Genderfluid S/O:

If you want any characters adding here or to anything else I write, just drop me a comment or an ask!

Momo Yaoyorozu:

☿ It was hard enough for you to acknowledge your own gender- fully understanding it was a different topic - so coming out to Momo was going to be tough.

☿ Really tough.

☿ She was a lovely girl and a wonderful girlfriend.

☿ But could you really expect her to be supportive of something so complex?

☿ Your gender fluctuated a lot - sometimes you'd feel distinctly outside the binary, and sometimes you'd feel more masculine, or more feminine.

☿ You hadn't noticed this until recently; you rarely gave gender a second thought.

☿ Looking at yourself in the mirror and questioning everything that felt a little off, you'd figured that maybe you just wanted to feel special, a little different.

☿ So you researched. A lot.

☿ You had a system that no-one understood because you were still deep in the closet: a different coloured strand/extension in your hair (on one side only) that stood out but was never questioned.

☿ Red = Feminine, Purple = Non-Binary, Blue = Masculine, Green = Third Gender/Multigender.

☿ Coming out was a decision you spent countless nights debating.

☿ No-one 'deserved' to know, it was really nobody's business…but being gendered correctly 100% of the time did sound nice.

☿ Deep breaths, and positive thoughts.

☿ "I identify as…no, I am genderfluid. You, eh…you should probably know that."

☿ This sweet, precious thing was confused at first.

☿ But you explained it:

☿ "Sometimes I'll feel more masculine, more like a boy, sometimes feminine, neither or both/all genders? I'm still wrapping my head around it too, but eh…it can change a lot. Sometimes a few times a day. Um…sometimes one gender will stick for a while. That's why figuring it out can be…confusing. But it's also enlightening, uh…kinda nice, warm, y'know?"

☿ Instantly says she understands and supports you.

☿ Expect a flurry of hugs and kisses.

☿ Acts like a very proud girlfriend.

☿ Pays extra attention to your hair - never wants to get anything wrong.

☿ If she does, she'll apologise immediately and reprimand herself.

☿ Go easy on her, she'll be an utter mess.

☿ Overall, her love for you is unconditional, and she makes sure that you know she's sorry.

"You shouldn't ever have to be scared to explain who you are."

Keigo Takami/Hawks:

☿ Keigo knew something was amiss.

☿ You'd been dating for two years, and although he never pried, he couldn’t help noticing the way you'd suddenly become uncomfortable when someone addressed you, or when you stayed in one set of clothes for too long.

☿ It wasn’t always the same, and he just figured it was anxiety and general insecurities coming to the surface.

☿ So he held you closer, wrapped you in his wings and fussed over you for hours (or however long his job would allow).

☿ He didn’t have a lot of time to consult the internet.

☿ He also didn’t want to pressure you into revealing anything.

☿ But now, the topic was unavoidable.

☿ You'd broken down, crying and mumbling to yourself when you thought he couldn’t hear you.

☿ He finds you kneeling in front of the full-length mirror in the bedroom.

☿ Rushes to your side in an instant.

☿ "What did the mirror do to you, dove?"

☿ Very, very worried, feathers shaking around you.

☿ Defensive birb, ready to protect you from that loathsome mirror.

☿ "I-I look so…so girly today! It's awful! My chest, and…and…I don’t have a binder, and I…"

☿ Doesn't understand, but is determined not to worsen your mood.

☿ "Hey, look at me. What are binders, and where would we get one?"

☿ He places both hands on your cheeks, and you lean into him.

☿ "They're…they flatten your chest, um…sports bras and binders…I-I've never bought one, so I don’t know…"

☿ He nods. "Do you wanna come with me to look for one?"

☿ You're perplexed - shouldn’t he be weirded out by this?

☿ He laughs, and somehow, it warms your heart. "I just want you to be happy. I'd do anything to make that happen, angel. You might need to explain all this to me, though. I'm a newbie, after all."

☿ He takes physical notes - nothing will catch this man out.

☿ If someone misgenders you, he'll correct them immediately.

☿ If someone acts ignorant or spiteful, he'll 'politely' tell them how to adjust their attitude, and how to address people outside the gender binary.

☿ I.e, respect them even if you don't have a complete grasp on their identity, and never, ever misgender or marginalise them.

"You are yourself, not how others perceive you."

Katsuki Bakugou:

☿ You decided to use pronoun badges. There were some awesome-looking designs out there, and you'd been feeling a little more confident lately. It couldn’t hurt to clue your classmates in, right? Plus, you supposed Katsuki ought to know…he was your boyfriend, after all. He'd definitely be pissed if he discovered this a few years down the line, rage about you not placing enough trust in him, and it'd be a huge mess…

☿ You'd never interrogated him on LGBTQ+ issues, so you weren't sure how he'd take your news; he wasn’t always the most accepting (Midoriya & the quirkless community being obvious testaments to that).

☿ Needless to say, instead of being confused, he was frustrated. Why was he with someone who didn’t even know their correct pronouns? He pointed it out, very matter-of-fact.

☿ When your dazzling smile suddenly dropped, he became concerned. Was he the idiot after all? Why did he upset you? What in the Nine Circles of Hell possessed him to do that?? He didn’t even say anything bad! All he mentioned was…

☿ Oh. Shit.

☿ This boy isn't accustomed to apologising, so don’t expect it to flow naturally. He’ll try, because he loves you, but he won't keep eye contact for very long and he'll recant every few seconds.

☿ This perceived insincerity only masks his guilt, though. He’ll beat himself up for years, unless you stop him. This boy has no chill. He's always the first to go off on people when they disrespect or degrade you, so he's gotta make amends in some way, right?

☿️ Honestly, if there are any pronoun badges with really cool or pretty designs, he'll buy them for you. He'll also get for himself, to prove his acceptance and solidarity. He won't ever allow you to feel alone again. He's more than okay with your identity - it changes absolutely nothing about you. If anything, it gives you a sense of completion. He's here for that, 100%.

☿️ You better believe he'll fight for your rights.

☿️ If there's any hate/intolerance directed at you, he'll explode. Quite literally.

☿️ You'll be tasked with ensuring no-one dies. Unless you want them to, of course.

☿️ They'll deserve it.

☿️ Katsuki is very perceptive, so when he gets to grips with it, he'll most likely notice every indication (however subtle) of a gender change. He'll carry spare pronoun badges around, just in case you lose yours.

☿️ Secretly, he's swimming in pride.

☿️ He's kinda like 'Yeah, that's my awesome partner! Look how cool they are, flaunting their pronouns like that, all confident and happy!'

☿️ This boy adores the ever-loving shit out of you. He hates reflecting on the day you came out, because he handled it so poorly at first. Thankfully now though, you're more secure.

"Gender doesn't matter. I'm gonna be a hero, not a hater."

Tamaki Amajiki:

☿️ (Y/n) wasn’t a dead name, but sometimes the very mention of it made your skin crawl.

☿️ It was a gift from your parents, so you wanted to keep it.

☿️ But it was a very gendered name - you couldn’t escape that.

☿️ So you decided on a few more - ones both your mind and heart adored.

☿️ The names corresponded to different gender identities, and although you weren't out just yet (though you planned to be shortly), they gave you the fluffiest feeling.

☿️ Because you hadn't come out, you didn’t bother making it easy for people - no different coloured bracelets, rings or anything to highlight your gender at the time.

☿️ In your heart, you knew who you were.

☿️ Still…everything seemed tied to the binary - official documents, school, the chatter of other students…you'd seen and heard it all.

☿️ These people didn’t accept non-conformists.

☿️ So why should Tamaki?

☿️ Sure, he was kind-hearted, heroic…amazing, but what would he do? What would he say, when you finally came out? You couldn’t remain in the closet forever.

☿️ No way that was happening! You were human too, your feelings mattered! Surely you were allowed to voice your truth…

☿️ Tamaki loved you.

☿️ He'd be accepting…right? Memorising some more names and pronouns shouldn’t be so tricky.

☿️ To minimise discomfort for both of you, you chose to explain things in his room.

☿️ He got really nervous at first - he thought you wanted to break up.

☿️ Boy was sweating profusely, coming up with all sorts of counter-arguments in his head. He really, really loved you.

☿️ "(Y-Y/n)-"

☿️ "Um, could you maybe call me (O/n) today? It's an…off-spectrum day."

☿️ Cue more confusion than Momo.

☿️ He'll ask about it in a really gentle voice - being anxious himself, he can easily pick up on other people's signs.

☿️ "Basically…my gender's fluid, so…you know how 'sex' is biological and 'gender' is a sense of identity? Well, sometimes I align with my birth sex, sometimes I don't. Today is…one of those days."

☿️ He'll hold your hand while he listens, squeezing it periodically to reassure you.

☿️ Now it's your turn to question the strength of your relationship.

☿️ This boy's love is deep, though; he cares way too much to let anything come between you.

☿️ Plus, nothing about you has actually changed.

☿️ You've just come into yourself, gained more comfort in who you are.

☿️ Tells you how proud he is.

☿️ Asks you to let him know when you sense your gender change, so he never calls you by the wrong name or pronouns.

☿️ It's They/Them today, but who knows about tomorrow? Or even an hour from now?

☿️ Finds gender-neutral compliments and nicknames, and does a ton of research.

☿️ Has an entire script in his head - if you want to come out but can't speak for yourself, Tamaki will push aside his anxiety and recite the words he's practiced a million times.

"You've finally found yourself - only change if it feels right."

Touya Todoroki/Dabi:

☿️ Your identity was really important and dear to your heart.

☿️ But that didn’t stop those you cared for tearing you apart whenever you tried to speak up.

☿️ Your family, your friends…you loved them, but they just couldn’t accept you.

☿️ So you killed them.

☿️ You went on the run, evading police and heroes alike for years.

☿️ And then, you found the League of Villains - a strange dynamic, kind of like family but much more welcoming.

☿️ Yet, your identity stayed hidden. You didn’t have the strength to harm all these people, if they rejected you.

☿️ Besides, there was more solidarity here than there ever had been with your blood relatives.

☿️ Dabi was your companion, though whether that meant closest friend or love interest, you didn’t know.

☿️ He was observant, transforming his thoughts into words regardless of how that affected people.

☿️ He pointed things out immediately.

☿️ "New bracelet?"

☿️ You paused, half-shocked, half-afraid.

☿️ You knew that he'd see through any lie you posed.

☿️ The truth would be the only thing to save you from his flames.

☿️ "That means something, doesn't it, (Y/n)?"

☿️ Step 1: put the drink down so you don't shatter it in anger.

☿️ "Yeah, um…this colour means 'masculine'. I'm a guy…now."

☿️ His face betrayed nothing.

☿️ "Like a reverse Magne?"

☿️ You wondered if that was a genuine question or an attempt at humour.

☿️ Todorokis don't understand jokes.

☿️ "No…she's a transgender woman, I'm genderfluid. I'm not confined to a single gender. It, uh…it changes."

☿️ His nod didn’t instil you with confidence.

☿️ "You out to the others yet?"

☿️ "Didn't think they'd accept me."

☿️ He made a 'Really? You're the least weird of the bunch' face.

☿️ "Ah, I'll just burn 'em if they don't."

☿️ You were too stunned to employ a comeback.

☿️ He contemplated for a while.

☿️ "So, you got any other names?"

☿️ Helps you plan how to come out to the rest of the League.

☿️ Will legitimately burn the haters.

"Found families are more accepting than the real thing."

Rumi Usagiyama/Mirko:

☿️ You bought three mugs - 'It's a Girl', 'It's a Boy' and 'It's a Mess'.

☿️ The excitement had been bubbling away inside you for weeks.

☿️ Rumi still didn’t know that you were genderfluid, but she was about to learn.

☿️ There wasn’t a doubt in your mind that she'd accept you.

☿️ You hadn't told her yet because it was a big thing - lots to take in, and you needed to be completely sure of it, and of your relationship.

☿️ You weren't gonna tell just anyone.

☿️ Dating Rumi was awesome, and this was just the next stage.

☿️ It didn’t go according to plan.

☿️ Not at first.

☿️ "You're pregnant?!" Was her very concerned response.

☿️ She kept muttering about how she needed some space to think things over.

☿️ Until you dragged her back, exasperated but determined to explain yourself.

☿️ "It's in reference to myself. I wanted to let you know, in a funny way, that I'm genderfluid. There's a Girl and a Boy one, and the other is for Non-Binary."

☿️ She made a noise like she understood, but you saw the confusion.

☿️ "Today's an Enby day, but you might have a girlfriend tomorrow. Or a boyfriend. Who knows?"

☿️ In an instant, the biggest smile took control of her face, and she brought you into a crushing hug.

☿️ "So I could have a girlfriend, a boyfriend and a murder partner??"

☿️ "Eh…if you can do the jail-time, count me in."

☿️ This one won't necessarily search for information herself, but she will consult you whenever she's having a difficult time processing something.

☿️ You're like,, the expert in all things LGBTQ+, and she loves listening to you talk so passionately.

☿️ She's really glad you told her - that you trusted her with something so important.

☿️ She feels loved, and makes sure you do too.

☿️ Asks if you ever thought she'd reject you.

☿️ "Nah. We'll go strong forever, Rumi."

☿️ She's overjoyed, honestly.

"You're so brave for coming out, and if someone doesn’t like it, I'll kick their butt."

Geten/Iceman:

☿️ Geten didn’t have the faintest clue about gender identities. He accepted male and female, but without a proper education or motivation to learn anything beside his quirk, you didn’t expect him to understand. You would've held it in, if you were strong enough to deal with the constant misgendering.

☿️ If you use Neopronouns, you're especially worried. They aren't as widely welcomed as the general She/He/They. And Geten being the angry, feral gremlin he is, his temper was a major concern.

☿️ You couldn’t change for him, so if he decided to lash out or disapprove, you'd be crushed. You'd obviously have to walk out of the relationship, if he didn’t do so himself. As deeply as your love ran, you simply couldn’t put yourself through such anguish. You weren't of the soundest mind, so to be rejected by Geten…

☿️ He isn't gonna understand unless you sit him down, crack open the slideshow presentation and maybe start crying? He'll feel guilty, but he doesn't ever wanna see you in distress. He said as much, in the beginning of your relationship.

☿️ So cry. Cry your little heart out, and he'll do everything within his power to comfort you. He's not the most receptive to other people's emotions, but with you, it's different. He's always by your side, always watching over you. His hugs are a little stiff, but wrap your arms around him tightly, and he'll protect you with his life.

☿️ "So…genderfluid?"

☿️ His tone is gentle, like he's afraid to cause any more tears.

☿️ "Yeah, um…you identify with your birth sex, right? Well, I don't…not all the time. And if you could…could use those pronouns? That would mean…a lot. To me. It'd mean everything, actually…"

☿️ He's quiet for a while, still trying to make space in his brain for all this new information. It isn't something he needs to 'come around to', though. He'll be completely painful and respectful. He's bound to slip up a few times, but he'll always correct himself.

☿️ Hates seeing you cringe whenever he makes a mistake. Always vows never to let it happen again.

☿️ You're okay though - you know it's gonna take time.

☿️ Angry boi never uses your gender identity as an insult, and openly condemns (threatens) anyone who does. He'll want to prove himself - prove he's gonna love you regardless of gender, regardless of everything!

☿️ Honestly doesn't know why you were so nervous to explain this. When he said his love was unconditional, he wasn’t lying.

“There’s no way I couldn’t accept who you are.”

[danwhobrowses]

One Piece Chapter 1026 - Initial Thoughts

And we return The weeks always feel longer without it but One Piece is back from its big 3-part colour spread and a well-earned rest for Oda

But now we return to the Dragon Action, taking it by the ball Z Or something along those lines

Spoilers for the Chapter, Support the Official Release as Well

A sweet Nami cover this time, making a fashion line with Leo in the style of Bell-mere's Sunflower/Lion design - which tbf could've been Thousand Sunny foreshadowing now that I think about it

Man, the Flower Capital is just a big bowl for Onigashima isn't it? I wonder if Onigashima was originally where the Flower Capital was, and when it was thrown into the ocean they built the Flower Capital from the remains

Hitetsu's worrying about Tama, even though he could've easily been competent enough to fight, but I guess someone has to look after Toko - where's Onimaru btw?

Even more ominous is that Onigashima isn't too far from the Flower Capital now

One of the eye print spies who can broadcast seems to be at the scene of the dragons, able to confirm that there are two dragons, one's being rode by Luffy and Yamato has been fighting Kaido

Luffy does want to encourage Momo to do Dragon Things but he's still being unsure about himself, deciding to dodge the Blast Breath rather than fire one of his own

Quietly, Luffy tells Momo to do something, something he's not entirely sure about, but Luffy's already off to hammer down a Gear Third Elephant Gun

Bite Kaido!? That's a Luffy and a Goku move there, when in doubt bite your enemy

Momo's reluctant, but then memories of Oden Castle steel his nerves

Crazy sonofabitch did it, Kozuki Momonosuke just bit the Yonko Kaido, and boy did Kaido not see that coming

Though it's not doing as much damage as hoped, but when Kaido stares him down Momo stares right back

Yamato looks to come rescue Momo but Luffy's back with the conqueror's punch

Ah shit, the dragons have clouded up the Moon again, meaning that Inu and Neko have been pushed back to their normal forms at the mercy of Perospero and Jack

Oh man Jack's hybrid form just keeps looking worse, he has a whole mammoth's ass

Pero you should really not gloat about having luck

Carrot honey you need to contribute more in this fight please, it hurts to see you go to waste

The performance floor still is getting the broadcast from the transmission guy, where Momo's name is clearly heard to identify the safety of the young lord to the allies

Luffy got a point, if Momo can bite a Yonko what's he scared of now

Yamato is just enjoying the ride at this point

As Luffy encourages Momo to stop Onigashima, Zoro and Sanji show disbelief that they're talking about Momo

Once more Luffy stands his ground, declaring he will defeat Kaido

I wonder if BM lowkey respects Luffy at this point, or if she's just laughing it all off

Kid's 'fuckin' better' gets me though XD dude went from wanting to take Kaido's head to letting Luffy do it

Law too just pulling his passive aggressive comments

For the rest of the alliance, spirits are high, mainly out of relief that Momo and Luffy are indeed alive

Kaido though is back in his hybrid form, ready to challenge Luffy once again

Apt that Luffy says 'anything can happen' because the two Conqueror's clash parts the skies just like WB/Shanks and Kaido/BM did, the transmission guy is KO'd and the clash parts the heavens, letting the moon shine in

I'd say Perospero is about to eat his words but with that fatass tongue of his it's a surprise he can eat anything

Citing Oden Nitoryu, though clearly not using Nitoryu, Inu and Neko defeat Pero and Jack. I think Pero's candy arm has shattered too

Orochi get your bitch ass out of hiding so we can finish that last head off!

So we're back to Luffy vs Kaido now, which is great, I'm curious though what Yamato will now do though, maybe help Momo with stopping Onigashima from falling? Dunno how but it could work out.

Luffy definitely should get props for sparking confidence in Momo, telling him to bite Kaido was childish on the surface but it also served as a motivation for Momo to act his newfound age.

While I'm not surprised that Inu and Neko won, I am still let down that Carrot doesn't get the final blow on Perospero, since she was most affected by witnessing Pedro's death. I dunno I think I just want more from her, especially since I think she'd be cool in the Nakama. Considering that in Whole Cake she successfully outwitted and defeated 3 of BM's children including Daifuku, plus Randolph a high ranking Homie also plus any of Kaido's gifters during their skirmish at Zou, she deserves some props.

Orochi's return to the field could spell bad things for Inu though, I still think he's gonna die but it's gonna suck if it's thanks to Orochi rather than in combat. At the moment though he seems to want to keep his distance, probably looking for a safe way off the island, but we should definitely be wary of him for the time being.

[bisluthq]

Hey! I'm fairly new here and I have a pretty uncommon take on Kaylor. But I just wanna start off by saying I try my best to be as supportive of LGBT people as possible and if they're both bisexual, then I would be 100% okay with that! I'm not trying to "defend their heterosexuality" or anything, I think that's really weird

Okay, so my personal theory is that Kaylor did happen, but that Taylor and Karlie are both straight. I know that might sound contradictory, but I say this based on my own personal experiences based on how I am with my best friend. I think Karlie and Taylor's relationship might have been similar in some ways to ours

Right, so I'm straight and I'm not into women in the gay kind of way (but it's completely cool that some girls are), and I have this roommate who's gorgeous. Really gorgeous, she's like a 10/10 "I would sell my kidney to look like you" kind of girl. She's very attractive, she has like tan skin and long legs and gorgeous brown hair and pretty eyes and nice lips and just like… she's just very good looking. I'm definitely jealous of her body, I won't even pretend I'm not 😪 I lowkey hate her because of it (jk)

We've been living together since not long before COVID started, and we're very good friends. There were three of us before, but our other roommate went back home to stay with her parents until in person classes are back on and we agreed to it and worked something out because she has really bad anxiety so we understood her reasoning for it

Anyway so it's just been us two and because we've been at home a lot during this time instead of out for most of the day like before, we've gotten to know each other a lot better and have become a lot closer. We were already friends from before, but now we're like super close besties, we've been hanging out a lot together and playing board games, watching movies, helping each other with essays, just having long conversations about anything and everything, etc

Like it's been so nice having a best friend that I can be this close to now because I haven't had a best friend since I was a kid

So my friend and I were having like a conversation last year about how hard it's been in quarantine not being able to go on dates and how we miss kissing people, and so we decided to just like, make out for fun you know. I mean, there's not really anything that's inherently romantic or sexual about making out, that's just society that says that. But tbh I think making out with your friends if you want to should be normalized, it's fun and it can even be emotional sometimes. It's not that different from hugging people

After a couple of weeks or so, I think we got bored of just making out with each other and decided to like, fully hook up. It started off because we were modelling lingerie for each other for banter and were pretending we were each other's runway judges and then I think we just decided to hook up with each other as like part of the whole "game". I can't remember who initiated it now, I think it might have been me as a joke lol

Like just in a platonic way for fun, as a kind of substitute until we can go back into society

And tbh I always expected hooking up with a woman to be like mediocre and boring and awkward, but although it was a bit hard to get the hang of at first and there was a learning curve, it's actually very enjoyable. Like I was very surprised actually at how hot it can be, I think I can maybe see why bisexual women and lesbians like doing it

Anyway we both liked it and we just carried on hooking up on the regular and it's been like 8 months now and tbh I just think it's very sweet and heartwarming, like it actually makes me feel a little emotional how we're close enough and care about each other enough that we can even help each other out with the physical intimacy side of things so that we don't get sexually frustrated while we're stuck in lockdown

I just think it's really cool and we even sleep in the same bed most of the time now because tbh what's the point in sleeping alone when you can sleep in the same bed as someone else? It's nicer, like you can cuddle and stuff

Anyway, I think that maybe Kaylor's relationship might have been similar. I think they're both straight but they became really close friends in a short space of time, and that their friendship was so intense that it became physical but in a platonic way

I think lesbians and bisexual women are amazing and I have so much respect for you guys for accepting yourselves in a society that tries to erase you, and I think there definitely needs to be more wlw representation on TV and in movies

But at the same time, I would also like there to be more close female friendships like the one that me and my friend have where you can just talk about everything together and do things that society usually reserves for romantic partners, but in a platonic way. Because female friendship is really important and beautiful, whether that's between straight women like me and my friend who I think is probably straight too, or between queer women because one thing I've learnt during my short time on this blog is how queer women can have very close platonic friendships with other queer women too

I think society just has overly strict ideas of "straight" and "gay". Like for some people, they would hear about two women sleeping together and think "Oh that's gay", but not necessarily because straight women can enjoy sleeping with other women too, like it's normal 🤷‍♀️

I think it's just a result of women being a lot more physically beautiful than men are, like straight women really got the short end of the stick tbh compared to straight men

I also think it's because women are so oversexualized in the media, and obviously straight girls see that too and so we sort of internalize that attraction to women because we're so used to seeing women being presented in a sexual way? Except it's not real attraction with us like how it is for queer girls

Like I'm very much "attracted" to my friend, she's genuinely stunning and just very hot tbh. But I still identify as straight because it's just a case of what I mentioned above, it's a "fake" attraction. And also because men are afraid to compliment other men because it's seen as "gay", but women can be fully confident in their sexuality and still recognize other women's beauty and sex appeal. You see it all the time in instagram comments, and I really love how we're all so supportive of each other like that

Like I can be fully confident in my sexuality and yet still say that some women like my friend are gorgeous as hell and also 100 times better looking than most men I've seen. I'm very much obsessed with some women's appearances but in a platonic way

And I just love the concept of "girl crushes" and I think that from a feminism viewpoint, it's beautiful that we're focusing on other girls and showing love towards other girls too, instead of just to men who, let's be real, don't even fully appreciate it half of the time

I am going to be sad when we all have to return to life as usual and my friend and I won't be able to spend as much time together anymore. I'm dreading it tbh, I don't want it to end yet. And it really sucks that the physical side of our friendship will probably have to stop too once our other roommate comes back because I think she'd definitely misunderstand the situation and think it's something different than it actually is if she ever saw us kissing or something. I really am going to miss it a lot though, I really like how things currently are and it's just really really nice and I don't want it to change :/

Btw I'm sorry if I sounded fetishistic or offensive with any of this, I just get a bit jealous sometimes that you guys get to date girls and we're just stuck with men. Honestly if it wasn't for all of the homophobia and the struggles that you all have to face and the fact that it would feel disrespectful to the LGBT community, I would probably really wish I could change my sexuality to be bisexual or gay instead because I just think women are better. Sometimes I really do wish I was into women in that way because dating girls just sounds so much more appealing to me (in a non fetishizing weird way) but unfortunately I'm stuck with dating men 🤦‍♀️ But I also know I'm lucky and privileged to be straight even though most men are mediocre and kinda gross and I don't mean to be disrespectful because I know you all have to face homophobia and other LGBT difficulties and it really sucks, people are awful. There's nothing wrong with women dating women or men dating men at all, society is just ugly and bigoted

Anyway, does anybody else have a similar sort of take on Kaylor where they think they could have both been straight and just had a very close friendship with a physical side to it? I think it would explain a lot. But like I said, this is just a theory of mine based on my own situation, and I'm also open to the idea that it was an actual relationship and that they're both into women for real, not just fake "into women" like I am.

Also pls feel free to call me out if I accidentally said anything offensive towards LGBT people, I tried my best but if I made a mistake anywhere pls let me know and I'll avoid it next time!

You’re not offensive. Please stop apologizing. And we’re gonna come back to the Kaylor stuff another time because... Honey. You and I need to have a conversation for a bit.

So firstly, I’m not trying to like “diagnose” you and at the end of the day it’s your choice what you want to call yourself but... tbh you might not be straight. Sexuality is fluid not static and exists on a spectrum not in absolutes. It’s not like it’s straight, 50/50 bi, gay and you’re born knowing and there’s no room for anything else. That’s not true. There’s a lot of room in between all of these and labels can change over time. We’re people, not cereal brands, and sometimes we don’t even KNOW the word for what we might be. I’m tagging a tag for you from when we asked people to share their label journeys for you to see. It’s not simple or easy and it’s not just because of external stuff - it’s because figuring this out internally is HARD. If you found yourself having such an intense friendship it became physical, repeatedly, you liked it a lot, you still sleep in the same bed and continue to share all your thoughts and you don’t want any of that to end... I’m not sure you’re Kinsey 0. And I think you might lowkey have a girlfriend dude. 

You can obviously prefer men but like... hun I reaaallly don’t think you’re completely straight.

Also: it’s okay to say “I see myself winding up with a man and this is a situationship for right now!” but that doesn’t make you straight because again, sexuality is a spectrum and you can manifest a particular kind of endgame while experiencing other things along the way.

But here’s where you really got me: “most men are mediocre and kinda gross” and “women being a lot more physically beautiful than men are, like straight women really got the short end of the stick tbh compared to straight men” because that’s the kind of thing I used to say in my Bi 1.0 era before I ID’d as a lesbian for a bit and before Harry Styles (KING 🥺) made me bi for real. Hun, no. Straight women like men. Tbh BI women like men. I genuinely, unironically, find Harry and Timmy and Matt Smith to be sexy beasts and I would do dirty things to the former two but maybe not the latter irl in 2021 but yes also him if I could be on that Spain trip with him and Karen where they got sloshed and which I think of often. These men are genuinely fucking beautiful to me in the same way Taylor is and Di Silvers is (okay she’s prettier than all of them but like same ~vibe) and like Megan Thee Stallion is and Indira Varma in everything but especially GOT and Gillian Anderson and Keira Knightley. Like those women are HOT to me and SO. ARE. THE. MEN. 

Straight women find SO MANY DUDES hot. So many. Starting from objectively pretty options I just cannot personally understand like Chris Evans all the way through to bitches who are outchea simping for wrestlers and Cole Sprouse. Do I understand? No. But like... that’s straight girl culture and ours is not to judge. 

If you’re struggling to find men hot then... you might be gay.

Also, I’m not sure what you mean by “fake attraction”. Like queer women - especially femme women which I assume you very much are - experience the same kinds of feelings straight girls do. We have women we want to be like and look like and find enviable (me and Oenone Forbat) and women we find aesthetically gorgeous (me and Anya Taylor Joy) and we have extremely close female friends who we can spend hours on end spilling our guts to - as you say female friendships are truly special - and without going into personal people that you don’t know, that’s me and Cam and Sim right? I literally talk to them for hours. Like those are not gay feelings. And yes we can chat about those kinds of feelings with straight girls and call them “girl crushes” and not immediately get “caught out” because they experience this exact shit too.

But here’s the thing. They never do and I don’t want in the cases above to fuck these women. It’s not sexual.

The moment I can actually imagine fucking the women in question that’s... gay. 

Like it’s not “fake attraction” it’s literally just gay. That’s how we desire women. We want to fuck them. Not all women. Not always. But sometimes we want to get under or on top of one and just really truly fucking make each other moan with pleasure.

I have no idea if Karlie or Taylor are into women. They could both literally be straight. I have no idea.

But I have a better idea about you.

Hun, you’re fucking your roommate/best friend and don’t want to stop.

You’re not “into women”.

You’re into this woman.

And possibly into women more generally.

So I know it’s weird to have to be the one to tell you this, and if you want to keep chatting via anon or in my DMs or if you want me to try collate resources for you from around the web but...

Like.

Dude.

You’re a whole ass part of the rainbow.

Welcome to the community you thought you weren’t a part of earlier today 🌈 ❤️

It’s nice here, sure there’s homophobia, but at least we get to fuck girls and man is it good.

[thedreadvampy]

Like idk what you want from me here. If you want to engage me in a specific question about ace/aro identities, as I've said several times and nobody has ever actually done, then ask me the specific question. Don't fuck around with vague gestures at Points of Discourse and then get cross with me because I haven't answered the Exact Question you Didn't Ask But Expected Me To Intuit.

Preface: If you don't want to answer any of these because you are allo/allo and don't have a say because its not your place, say that. In fact, I'm asking these because you seem to do have opinions on things you shouldn't based off things you have said in the past.

I also want to state that I agree fully with your points about Martin- minus the blatant aphobia. Not just acephobia, arophobia as well.

1. Do you think qprs are problematic? I believe you once made a post saying roughly that qprs are just normal friendships, or something like that, that has since been deleted. What is your current opinion?

2. Are het aros lgbt?

3. Are het aces lgbt?

4. Cis aro/aces lgbt?

5. Cishet aro/aces?

6. Do the spectrums and micro identities exist? You've implied in the past they don't, in the post about how they were supposedly created from sex positivity

7. Can aros be in or desire romantic relationships?

8. Can aces have or desire sex?

9. Does the split attraction model exist and does it benefit people?

10. Can teenagers identify as aro/ace or do you think they're too young?

11. Can you be, say, an aroace lesbian, or an aroace gay, aroace bi, etc. Idk how to phrase this one but like can you be aroace and still id with another orientation?

I could send another anon detailing the aphobia in the post, because I at least am certainly not upset about Martin being sexual, rather it was the very blatant aphobia. It could have stemmed from ignorance, and if that's the case I don't mind explaining it.

Ok this is a lot of questions, some with quite involved answers, so I'm gonna answer them chunk by chunk so it's a bit more manageable, and then I might come back to some of the surrounding message. This isn't gonna be an immediate bang bang bang, but I'll try and work through them over the next couple of days.

Question 1

1. No, I don't think qprs are problematic. I don't necessarily understand them but I don't need to understand them to understand and respect that they're a thing that's important to a lot of people. I don't know what post you're referring to, but I'm surprised that you say it was deleted, because I very rarely delete posts except, occasionally, reblogs where people have flagged up misinformation or dogwhistles or which I reblogged by accident. tbh I'm the messiest online presence I'm way too lazy to delete past posts or block people even when I probably should bc I don't like to feel like I'm ~hiding evidence~. So I'm not saying you're wrong, you're probably totally right, but I'm surprised.

I'm thinking about what posts I've made that you could be thinking of, and obviously I don't remember everything I say on here bc I say A Lot and I actively post to get things out of my head so 🤷‍♀️ but I do remember making a post a while ago where I said that it was a normal expectation of friendship to have some friends close enough that you'll live with them, raise kids with them, etc, and I'm wondering if that was the post you're thinking of? I did have qprs in mind while writing that to a degree, but only because I think 'you wouldn't do this with your friends' is a very common argument people put forward about qprs and I think it's a weak argument, because many people have different definitions of friendship, and the only argument I think is needed for any sort of I Have X Emotional Relationship To This Thing is...I Have X Emotional Relationship To This Thing. Like you can't offer a universal materialist definition of the differences between romantic, queerplatonic, sexual and platonic relationships, because the boundaries are very personal and it's really an emotional and experiential difference. so if that is the post you're thinking of, I wasn't criticising The Concept Of QPRs as much as saying that I thought trying to put hard lines around What Friends Do Vs What QPPs Do was a) counterproductive when arguing with someone who thinks QPR is Just Normal Friendships bc. if they do those things with their friends then saying NO THIS IS A QPR THING just reinforces their existing belief that you're talking about the same thing as they mean by friendships and b) to me seems to set a painful expectation to young people that you can only get these kinds of close friendships occasionally and in the form of a QPR and it will be stigmatised and misunderstood (and depending on how people talk about it, is only accessible to aspec people and allo people should only expect it to come through romantic/sexual relationships), when in fact most people of most ages I know have friends with whom they can share things like housing, deep feelings, futures, finances, who they miss if they don't see for a few days, who are mutually supportive and vital to their wellbeing. I don't think that's mutually exclusive with the existence of QPRs though - like I personally don't know what the difference is between a QPR and a close friendship, but I also don't know what the difference is between a romantic relationship and a close friendship but I know there is one and I know it's not a question of What You Do but a question of How You Feel And Interact, and that's pretty hard to define in unambiguous terms.

Like generally I don't Not Think QPRs exist, and I think it's a dick move to try and tell people they're wrong about how they experience and define their relationships because???? how are you meant to know that better than the person whose relationship it is??? but I do think the way people talk about QPRs (both from the perspective of defending them and from the perspective of attacking them) is pretty rife with problems and I don't think it's invalidating the reality of QPRs to talk about where the arguments and language around them potentially falls down or has unexpected consequences.

On the other hand, I don't know if that actually is the post you're referring to - the reason I'm calling back to that is that that and a few resultant asks are the only time I remember talking about QPRs on here in the last year or so. So like, several of these questions reference past posts, which is very fair, but I do need it to be clear that, since I don't really tag anything and I don't have a great memory, I can only really speak to What I Think Now In This Context, not to what I posted in the past and what I was thinking when I posted it. Like, this isn't too deny responsibility - I reckon I'm responsible for what I post even if I don't still agree with it, which is why I don't tend to delete my own posts on purpose - but just to deny capacity, I guess? I don't really KNOW what I've posted so if you talk about it in vague terms (and I do understand that if it's been deleted there's not a lot you can do but that) I may not necessarily be responding to the part of it that's worried you, so if I'm not speaking to something specific I've said or done, it's not because I Don't Want To, I just don't necessarily know to.

I'm waffling about this because looking through your messages there's a lot of "you said X" and like. given that the intended message of the post that's kicked this off was very different to the message people have taken from it, it feels important to me to know whether if I looked at the posts you're referencing I'd be like "ah yeah I did believe that but now I believe X" or if it's more a situation of "oh right I can see how you took X from that but my thinking was more Y".

(also sometimes when people say "you made a post" they mean "you reblogged a post" and I am a compulsive discourse scroller so sometimes I reblog a random post to bookmark my place on someone's discourse blog or I accidentally longpress the reblog button while scrolling - I try to delete reblogs that I don't agree with but sometimes I miss some, all of which to say if there's a post on my blog that doesn't seem to reflect what I say in my original posts then it doesn't necessarily mean I'm a crypto-whatever so much as I'm very lazy and messy with my blog. Doesn't mean I shouldn't be held accountable for reblogs but it's useful to know if we're talking original content or reblogs bc I'm unlikely to fully accidentally make a post. but I quite often accidentally reblog stuff. I doubt this is the case with this sitch just bc of your phrasing but I want to cover my bases)

anyway tl;dr: no I don't believe that QPRs themselves are inherently problematic, nor do I think I have at any point believed that, but I do think that a lot of the language and ideas used to talk about them are based in miscommunication or absolutist ideas about relationships and can have damaging knock on effects.

[queerwashingmedia]

House M.D.(2004-2012)

I made the decision to go through the "asexuality in television" chapter on Wikipedia and I have to say that I am honestly so sorry for all the ace people that enjoy the show and then saw this episode.

I have not seen House honestly so I cannot compare this to the rest of the show that may have a good kind of rep if it has any, but I am not judging by taking this episode and isolating it from the rest of the series.

Even though it's terrible to think about it, a lot of people out there don't know of asexuality, and if they are presented to a situation in which a person is asexual (and thus "behaves as an asexual"?? You get what I mean), they would maybe even totally respect that, but they would probably think about it as "they don't really wanna have s3x rn, or probably, and here I'm assuming, not even consider the possibility of someone not being attracted to others if they still have s3x but actually are s3x favorable aces.

So if you are ace and you explain to people who have never heard the term before it will probably take a bit to them to graps the concept (assuming you're talking to an allo because aces would know what ace means), but if they're not horrible jerks they will respect the heck out of who you are, and that's it.

Point is that when a human being doesn't understand something, they tend to try and translate into something they can understand first, which is not an excuse for stupid aphobes, but explains why they get the first though of not saying straight up "ah ok I don't know how this feels but I get what you're saying and you're valid" (if after they try and rationalize this new thing that they didn't know about, they don't accept it as an actual thing and say the standard stuff like "it's just trauma" or "it's just that you haven't found the right person yet" or any of that that's an aphobe and may I suggest to send them to go f*uck themselves).

At this point we go to the episode, where a medic, who always ties reality to a scientifical explanation, sees a couple of people who don't have s3x and go "uh, there must be a medical explanation for this!".

"You know that close to 1% of the population identifies as asexual"

"Really gotta get you laid"

Honestly that is so disrespectful. Someone just told a fact about what some people identify as, and you sTRAIGHT UP SAY YOU WANT TO GO FULL ON CONVERSION THERAPY ON THEM. Because saying to an ace that they should get laid is the same as saying to a lesbian that they should start kissing guys.

The horrible thing between all else is that he immediately thinks that there's something wrong, a medical reason, not that maybe that just how someone is and just because you don't feel like they do then they're wrong.

House wants to make this woman have sex because he says it's healthy, but a person should be given the choice to do anything that is healthy but not necessary. Going hiking is healthy, but you don't see medic running around forcing everyone to go hiking.

I get if she was going to die and that could have been a way to save her or something, but it's not.

The only kinda good thing is the wife accepting the husband and not forcing him to have s3x?? But at the end it was all ruined by this phrase:

"A girl has needs"

Excuse me miss own that your husband will get his tumor removed you a) straight up assume that he was allo all along (you right that he could still be ace?) and that he's going to want to have s3x and b) immediately want to make up for all those years that you lost not having s3x and you consider it as a need? Even if you spent 10 years without it and you seemed pretty happy anyway right?

I'm not saying that if your husband then wants to fuck and you do too you shouldn't because of how your relationship was in the past, but now you should be focusing on your husband as he as a freaking tumor, not as in wow I'm finally gonna have s3x.

Also the "she could have been abused" theory is just as bad you guys being ace is not a direct effect of being abused, because being ace is not not wanting to have s3x it is not feeling sexual attraction it is not that difficult.

"People who don't wanna have s3x are either sick dead or lying"

Wow so you're telling me that I, supper grossed out by any interaction that goes from kissing to anything more intense than that since I can't even remember when, am lying to other people and myself?

So if you are trying to do ace rep, please do not represent it through two allo people who for one reason of another identied as ace with actually being ace. Yes, you can question your sexuality and identify as ace and then find you're not, that is totally ok and valid, but do not make it look as if someone identifies as ace it's because there is something phisically or mentally wrong with them or they are straight up lying.

"I know who I am and I'm not one of them" the dude being disgusted at the idea of being allo tho was such a gem

[pr-ay-the-gay-away]

Thank you, something you said just helped me to realise why I'm having this strong emotional response to Ew. I spent most of my teenage years in a very patriarchal, pretty sexist institution. The men there (and even the women) all had this mindset of "Men are superior and in charge. Women should be obedient to men, disregard what they themselves want because it isn't important, and instead do what men want from them. Women can't be with other women, they're obligated to be with men. Etc." (1/3)

It was just all this toxic stuff that they’d push on us all the time and I think it probably gave me some issues that I wasn’t aware of. It’s probably not Ew himself that I’m having this really negative reaction to. He just REALLY reminds me of the men in that place, and maybe I’m projecting my resentment and frustration of them onto him. It’s the sexist things he says about how women need to change themselves for men that I think triggers it. Also, the way he seems to look down on women. (2/3)

I guess I kind of see him as a representation of all of those men I knew. I think I know why I irrationally hate him so much now, but it’s not really reducing my dislike of him tbh. Am I being unfair to him? I still really don’t want to hear anything about him at all (3/3)

- - - - - - - -

“I know why I irrationally hate him so much now, but it’s not really reducing my dislike of him tbh”

That’s ok. The intention isn’t for you to learn to like him, the intention is for you to just have a better understanding of the genesis for your emotions and reactions, so that you are now more aware of what situations and circumstances, or types of people and relationships, are likely to trigger this response in you. From there, you can be more conscious of what boundaries you may need for yourself, eg. maybe you need to avoid those people/environments, or maybe you can only manage to deal with them when you’re in a good mental space, etc. All of this is just for you to have better self-awareness of your own boundaries, that you may not have known you even had or needed before.

One of the greatest lies we tell ourselves is that we’re not doing enough. That we need to learn to like everyone and get along with everyone. It’s not true. Learn to like yourself and understand yourself, and identify your needs and boundaries, and then from there you should learn how to communicate your needs and boundaries in a respectful and open way. Beyond that, if people are gonna treat you like shit or disrespect your wishes or be assholes, you can’t control that. But you can control not having that in your life and choosing to cut them out of it.

“Am I being unfair to him?”

I’m a very biased person to ask that question. My answer is resoundingly “no”, but for yourself perhaps you want to consolidate what your criticisms are, and what evidence you have to corroborate your judgements. If you find that you have no evidence, then maybe you are being unfair. If you find there is evidence, then you’re probably being reasonable in your assessment.

“I still really don’t want to hear anything about him at all”

And that is completely fine. Is there like a blacklist feature for tags on Tumblr? If so, I’ve never used it, but if you would like me to use a consistent tag whenever I post anything related to Ew, so that you can blacklist it, just let me know 😊

[pokefanbri]

1st I have to say this b4 I repeat the post from fb. This is a place where I can speak my mind freely without judgement, speak my peace even. Which is exactly what im gonna do so prepare for a read. So think what u want idc, but the last thing I wanna do is tick some1 I know off cause on some level there's a mutual appreciation & respect regardless of my impression. And anyone that reads this isn't obligated to understand my opinion & I dont expect u to. With my brain its my thought process to let information out of my head so I can put things aside, observe & absorb more lol. Writing is another tool or coping mechanism for my anxieties & other psych ailments, treatment for my mental health depends on it & other hobbies in other words, especially during shutdown, something to focus on. Heck even youtube is recommended by my doctor if it keeps me happy lol. But because ill be working again, I may not have time to do alot of things I like sadly..idk i just wouldnt want to be burnt out & focus on more important things. I have a high respect for anyone working around people during this time & it must worrisome for u too, means I have to keep on my toes as well soon..its a scary world out there for an introvert but I was killin it in NY too. It was just a slow steady process with all the limitations & moving my life up there wasn't easy to begin with but I pulled through & did it all...only for it to be taken away.

So, I'm an Irish, German, Canadian,British Mut from tucson. Maternal & paternal immidiate families lineage mixed made me, including my NY blood from my bio dad. The rest is all over Europe but u get the idea. Tucson may be where i was born & my 1st home without a father & raised not knowing (were mardi gras babies btw 😒)

But NY is & will forever be my 2nd home i dont care what any1 says, I felt I belonged there. Its the other half of me quite literally.Theres a memory that's really been bugging me. Last day b4 i left it, a bald eagle flew across my path in the sky no joke going NE & I was departing back to the SW. I chose the eagle years ago cause I identify with it. including the background symbolism in different phases of my life that included them lol, but to actually see one was just amazing.

They symbolize strength+freedom in general despite it standing for the country from sea to shining sea lol. Also Braviary was always in my pokemon team besides pikachu since its gen came out lol. I've always been strong, whether some believe it to be true or not is their problem, only I know the things I've gone through. Point is different ends of the spectrum its always been with me throughout in some way & im glad i got to share it with someone that gave me the freedom I needed.

But yea I experienced what its like to be there & got to know that part of me even if I didn't find him & maybe didnt care...I feel I was meant to be there. I was in touch with my roots, lower Temps & above sea level rather than high temps & below sea level 🤣 I loved everything about my time up there. It'll always be a part of me, & I hope to see it again. But I digress.

But in regards to the relationship itself, emphasizing on what i said b4. Just as it i got "settled" in it was gone & I had no clue what was happening without my knowledge, the whole plan to bring me back, all of it, the whole chain of events that unfolded the way it did starting with leaving a marriage in the 1st place to be with him i mean come on lol. Chasing a dream that didn't play out the way we had hoped. I took leap of faith & I ended up starting over twice in 1 year with no benefit of the doubt. I still have my ny health insurance for the rest of the yr, I have to add it to my list to apply again in az. Ive been wearing the wrong prescription glasses for 6 months under quarantine & they're just now getting to stage 4 of opening lol. Just understand how frustrating that actually is for someone like me & u totally get it 😅 U want to take care of business but sometimes you're limited & gotta work around it. had all that covered there & then was told I settled, wrong thing to say & its no wonder I didn't blow up in his face right there & then 😒. But I have retraint & can control myself. Though it was out of my hands the new relationship didn't have to go sour, been just as long if not more, could've actually thrived given the proper balance with room to grow. Idk, Sometimes I honestly don't think anyone believed in me. I mean I have no debt, no record, no kids, im a clean slate type of girl lol. Yes I did end up feeling unappreciated, underestimated, a bit neglected, insecure about my body, ashamed for being myself, & I shouldn't have to feel that way at all & if that happens there obviously something off. I just didnt know what it is he wanted & needed, i wanted to help & be a good partner to this dude but why is it bad to ask the same in return? I shouldn't have to drastically change myself to fit someones standard i know, but...i needed the old him back, I missed the old us & wanted to get back to that.. Was always so closed off & probably ended up in his own head who knows, maybe there was guilt for some of the things he did & didnt want to hurt me anymore, spare my feelings any more than it did b4 it was too late.idk whatever the excuse i still don't know what triggered it all to fail so easily & i don't think i ever will. But ending up with the conclusion that I was the problem, its narcissistic to even believe that & i won't accept it. Not when he can't confront his own issuse & put blame onto himself too.. it was a low blow & literally felt like my heart was pierced at the sound of it. If im to blame its the other way around as well. My point of view wasn't acknowledged so this is my take & experiences of happened so plz dont hate me for speaking my truth.

But yea I can tell when somethings not right & feel strong empathy for others emotions. I knew something was different, there were signs everywhere since the mistrust started & during the last half of that time with him I questioned everything but sat in my own headspace as well as he did just thinking about it. If anything we failed eachother, the blame is on us both but idk what else i could've done to get through to him. That's the stubbornness, he wouldn't budge. Despite how things went down..Leaves me to think, what was the point of having me there in the 1st place, to not follow through with our shared hopes & dreams but instead spiral into such resentment for me that the interest faded. But at the at the same time...even if it ended early for him, I didn't give up & I fought to keep us okay which it was for the most part. Hindsight is 20/20, it definitely wasn't negative all the time. In fact things were great between us & acted like goofballs together, that right there is a friend despite if the stronger feelings weren't mutual. Nobody with hate in their heart acts like that, he was good, the best, cheered me up when I was down, shared interests & did things for eachother. But that alone makes me question what was truth & what was fiction sometimes ever since the trust between us started to fade. Am I in the right to feel what im feeling right now? Im angry & upset yes very, but the kindness he had throughout..he did care in his own way...which makes things so much harder.

Tripadoodle if some way you're listening, I hope u know now where im coming from. For your own benefit & quest to be a better man like you always wanted...actually try. Head my advice. Making yourself better shouldn't be put on a womans shoulders to do for u without her getting lifted in return...its alot of weight to handle for 1 person to carry lol. Get off your ass & build on yourself, learn from everything that happened & become better for yourself & the sake of others, Because it starts with u. Go to church if possible or watch them, it really does help. Even from across the country I still want u to do just as good & help u as a friend. You promised we could remain friends & im holding my end of the bargain whether u like it or not lol it was your idea during the ride here. All I wanted in the end was to not lose u in my life completely...but i should be patient i know.. Theres more space, im not contacting u directly & respecting that, eventually ill stfu lol but I feel I need this rn. I should hate u,but I cant hate u, I do still care, u had that affect on me so much that I can't really listen to others when they say ur a douchbag lol, u were still my rock the whole time even if u didn't feel the same after a while & u did help me alot as well. I see the good in people & u are good, with well balanced snarkiness & humorous sass to boot. light a fire under ur own ass & ull be okay lol. Never stopped believing in u. Ive seen what you can do, you're very smart & know your sh*t, u will go far lol. And as a friend I'd lend u my strength if I could but the most I can do is pray for things like safety/protection, healing, forgiveness, guidance, etc. Leave it to God if u feel compelled to. Give zanabell a hug for me.

God i talk way too much 😅 No im not doing any of this for attention, I want my voice to be heard as well as a possible learning experience if it had that effect on anyone. The things we learn build character & help us understand a little more about ourselves. Probably shouldn't share cuz its nobody's business, yea ive thought of that too.. But its a blog lol, Tumblr allowed it to be that space, opinions and rants are allowed & encouraged. Nothing wrong with that 🤷‍♀️ so who gives a crap.

These are pictures of the NY sunrise & AZ sunset. Clouds always get me cuz of the shapes, used to to take pics of them all the time. once saw mario holding a hammer when I was a kid 😂 3rd & 4th pic is a split rainbow, never seen that b4...either someone found the gold or its deciding whether or not to connect. Probably was connected but I missed it lol. But then I looked behind me after the split 1 disappeared & a double rainbow was forming. Nature can be scary but also beautiful

[invinciblerodent]

Hey, why is it that making a character bi when they're straight is good, and when the reverse happens it's bad? Feel free not to answer if people have been stressing you out with this, but, I'm a pansexual male and I don't really understand why installing for example bi sera mods out of convenience is bad. My friend said its gross but wouldn't it all be gross? Thanks in advance. (Not trying to imply anything, just confused, I am not going to install bi sera mods)

I feel like I should add a reaction image here just to break up the monotony of the text, but I don’t think there is one in my library that would accurately represent what I’m thinking.

Okay. This has been talked about for years at this point, and not to be rude, but if you’re still confused, it’s because you have been either not paying attention, or are actively avoiding the topic. You are asking me to redo the emotional labor that has already been done, by people much more qualified than I am, and is readily available if you just take the time to look for the answer to your questions.

But, I realize that not everyone has been around for the past few years, so I’ll give you the benefit of a doubt, and I’ll try my best to explain it in a concise manner. I’m still not an asshole.

(Full disclosure, I say these things as a white, bisexual cis woman whose long term partner is a white, straight cis man. I experience just about as many privileges as a queer person possibly can, and I highly recommend you look into the thoughts and work of creators of color, and the people who are most harmed by this specific issue. This has not been spoken of for a while now so they may be deep within people’s blogs, but if you really care about the answer, you can spare the ~hour or so that it will take to hunt down enough sources to form an understanding. It’s not my job to do your research for you, I’ll just give a summary of it.)

The simplest way I can describe it is with a somewhat clunky metaphor I’ve read about this like a year ago.

Imagine that you have a plate of cookies. Those are all the instances m/f love is seen in media, all the prince charmings and lovely princesses, all the cartoons, games, movies, books that feature a romantic subplot between a male and a female protagonist. Take away one or two, chances are, you don’t even notice that they are gone. You don’t care, you still have enough.

Now imagine that you have one or two cookies. Those are all the instances openly LGBT+ identities are shown in mainstream media. It’s only a few, but it is all you have. And if you must go hungry for someone else to have one more cookie, you will notice.

I don’t like to liken identities to food, but this is the most straightforward way to say it that I can think of.

The thing about the bi Sera and bi Dorian mods in particular (and tbh I find it rather gross to call those mods “bi mods”, they’re more like “availability mods”, they don’t make them bisexual, they just make them romantically available for player characters of another gender) is simply that, unlike mods making originally straight characters somehow LGBT+ (which does not, in any way, undermine the heteronormativity of mainstream media, and especially the shockingly homophobic and sexist boys’ club that the AAA video game industry can be), it is not creating representation where there is none. It is taking away already existing representation with the intent of making SGA characters attracted to genders they normally would not be attracted to.

It’s not created with the intent of carving out a place in which you could see yourself. It’s created because you were told “no”, and you can’t take rejection.

Remember, if you don’t think representation matters, it is because you are already represented.

Those characters are already part of a marginalized group, a sexual minority if you will, and it is part of their identity- which is especially important to people who identify with those characters. The existence of a character like Sera, who is a fully realized lesbian with a happy ending and an actual character arc not revolving around her sexuality, in a big budget AAA game, can be especially important to people who identify as lesbians. Dorian, a gay man whose story actually deals with issues related to his sexuality, is also especially important to people who may have experienced the same- being told by guardians, people they have loved and respected, that who they are, who they love, is an imperfection to be changed.

To put it simply, bi mods for already marginalized characters take away representation from the groups they were created for. And that’s especially gross in the case of mods like bi Sera, bi Dorian (and somewhere down the line I’m SURE there’s gonna be bi Gil and bi Suvi, and at that point all hell will break loose again) because it echoes what so many gay- and lesbian-identifying people have heard over and over their whole lives: That you must conform. You must enter an other sex relationship to be good enough. You must make yourself accessible to me, specifically me, for me to love you and accept you. Who you are is imperfect; let me fix you. (And let’s not even go into implications of conversion therapy, corrective r*pe, the fucking Russian concentration camps for gay men, and all those other delectable issues that are still present in the year of our lord 2017, because I’m SO not qualified to talk about any of this- really, fkin google it. There are so many excellently written articles just within this community, it’s really not hard to find.)

“Bi mods” are not creating representation for us bisexuals. It’s telling gay men and lesbian women that they are not good enough, that they must change, and they must conform to be worthy of romantic love, because someone who claims to love them cannot be assed to make their fictional avatar of the gender that they are attracted to. It’s hurtful, and damaging, and a disgusting mistreatment of not just the characters, but the people they represent.

You see where I’m going with this? Doing the same to a straight character, while I personally don’t intend to do it because I have no problem playing a character whose gender identity is not the same as mine (for others it may trigger feelings of gender dysphoria, or any number of unpleasant feelings, so really I get it), is coping. It’s clawing out a small, imperfect place for yourself where there was none. It does not harm or affect straight people, it does not tell them that they must change to be loved.

Context in this specific issue is key. You can’t just take the whole thing out of the sociocultural environment in which it exists. You cannot examine these things in a vacuum, take them by the numbers, and just ignore all the times LGBT+ people have seen, and heard, and experienced the same rejection before.

Bi mods for gay characters are made because you can’t take it when you are told “no”.

Bi mods for straight characters are made because sometimes all the representation you can get is what you make for yourself.

There is a goddamn profound difference.