#so i made this to calm my mind (:
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I hope u guys don't mind me posting these au doodles while I work on things ahaha
I also gave JD slightly longer hair in these doodles as a funny haha but I don't think it's funny anymore he looks genuinely good with his hair like that ahahaha I hope you're not mad at me for changing his au design a bit
#first of all ahem DONT TAG THIS AS SHIP OR WHATEVER!!! ILL THROW ROCKS AT YOU!!!!! BITCH!!!!!!!#troIlcest (or whatever you call yourselves idk) DONT TOUCH my SHIT! Ty :] anyways...#For context I like to hc that when he was younger Bruce would always have JD brush his hair#and like... whenever lil Bruce was upset it would help calm him down i think ahhauysgjiodk do u guys see the vision??#and since it's my au i can make reality whatever i want it to be sooooo :]#I like to imagine that it still helps Bruce calm down even tho they're older now.. Big bro brushing his lil bros hair to soothe him UUGH#Let JD be a good older brother pleeease#also gave JD flowers in his hair too bc he deserves them me thinks... Now him and Bruce are matching!!!#i dont have any specific flowers in mind for the ones in their hair i just picked a color for the flowers that looked pretty and ran with i#also saying it again i love love LOOOOVE the crayon tool in mspaint using it to make gradients is so!!!! UUUGHUHHH!!!! /pos#the pattern on JD's jacket fur will never be consistent shhhhh#trolls#trolls band together#john dory trolls#trolls john dory#bruce trolls#trolls bruce#beach bros au#cherris canvas#I made that last image btw#everytime i saw that screenshot of jd it made me think of the spongebob scene where its a pov of flats waking up#and the first thing he sees is spongebob waiting for him with flowers in his hand and smiling
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I've had Ludovicas girlfriend on the brain for months and finally sketched her out. I see her as the opposite to machete in that she has dark colours and softer shapes. Her ears and facefur kinda blend together and she gets big soft browneyes..
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#you've had Ludovica's girlfriend stuck in your brain for months??#oh no now I feel kind of bad about being so vague and noncommittal about her design and personality and everything#I should've made up my mind ages ago#I like her expression here#she looks like a calm and quiet but no nonsense type of lady#at least to me I mean#I'd love to make her uniformly black/dark grey#but I know from experience that it would make her facial details and expressions hard to see#it's entirely possible to make it work but it takes some extra effort#adding even a small focal point (some kind of marking or lighter eyes for example) to anchor the viewer's attention helps a lot#I'm rambling sorry#I think about her often but keep going in circles#but the same thing happened with Ludovica and her design so I'm optimistic that this one will sort itself out eventually as well#I'm flattered ypu find her interesting! I promise I'm working on it#gift art#featherfrond#own characters
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*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it
#GUESS WHO GOT A PIERCING INFECTION SO BAD OVERNIGHT SHE HAD TO RUSH TO THE HOSPITAL#AND GET SURGERY TO REMOVE IT BC THE METAL WAS BURROWING ITSELF INSIDE HER LIP#yep that was meee :3#man. it sounds so silly now. like that probably shouldn't have made me panic nearly as much as it did#but you have to understand at the time it was terrifying#I noticed my lip was a bit swollen earlier in the night but I was like ok it's probably nothing serious#I put some ice on it hoping it would be back to normal after I got some sleep#then I woke up at like 5:30 AM with my lip super swollen and my lip piercing literally burying itself inside my flesh#I tried pushing it back out a bit and blood and pus started coming out so yk I started panicking#so I went upstairs and I asked my mom to drive me to the hospital#luckily we have free healthcare in brazil and the hospital was basically empty(this was on sunday)#but when I got there they told me the doctor wouldn't arrive until 8AM and it was like 6:45 at that point#so I REALLY started panicking 🫠 bc I could feel like the piercing kept burying itself more deeply like#I felt like the skin inside my lip was going to close around it and I was terrified bc I had no idea what to do#and I was scared it might make things worse#but all I could do was sit there and wait and so I started having a panic attack#luckily my mom was there with me the whole time so at least I didn't feel alone#and then I just. waited for it to end. and then tried to keep myself distracted until the doctor got there#I got treated by military doctors! sjdjcjck the army has been giving additional support for hospitals in my city#bc of the floods some health units are currently closed and demand got higher so they needed extra support there#so an army doctor performed my surgery(inside an army tent no less ajfjjfkf maybe not ideal but. functional)#he was so nice?? like probably the calmest most careful doctor I've ever been treated by#I still had a bit of a nervous breakdown again after the surgery but that was bc I'd never been through something like that before#I got anesthesia obvs but I still felt the tug when he cut into my skin to remove the piercing and did my stitches#so my mind started cooking up all these horrible scenarios of how everything could go wrong and I was gonna die#cried on the doctor's table. 👍🏻 awesome#but he and his assistant were super nice about it she even offered me a hug#but anyway in the end I finally calmed down and got some medication#now I'm all stitched up with my little bloated lip eating soup out of a straw 👍🏻 but I'm ALIVE and I'm just glad it's all over fjjvjkf#sleep.txt
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do you have any alecto/anastasia hcs?
I think my biggest hc is that Anastasia wanted to be present at laying Alecto down in the tomb, but something went not as planned, cause she helped design it and it's her house, where is she
and not quite a hc but I want Alecto snatch some of Anastasia's bones before leaving the tomb
but tbh the moment I got the ask my mind completely blanked out on everything I was thinking about them, I'll add more to this post if I remember some of it
but thank you for asking!
#but it's complicated cause I don't have a lot of understanding of how canaan house and the ninth was back then#and what timeline of events looked like so i keep rotating in my head dif scenarios with dif ideas#Anasatasia could've had her own way of calming Alecto during tantrums but Alecto still could accidentally hurt her in out rage#at least Anastasia is great at mending broken bones#them hanging out in the pool is everyone's hc#but once had an idea that telling the true started with them both submerged and Alecto just unpromptedly started bluntly blurting out stuff#but in the gist of 'I'm eating pencils' and then it escalated with time#someone said before that Alecto being sorry about Samael in her nature might mean that she somehow was responsible even if not in direct wa#it could be eating her out after Samael's death and seeing how heartbroken Anastasia was#so later on the ninth she drags Anastasia into the water and reveals something that makes Anastasia realize John fucked her over#Anastasia's breaking down and after on it could lead to the vow being made#cause I'm still thinking about that one line that John says 'Anastasia knew 'at the time' that killing Samael was a necessity'#like she could've figure out something#keep rotating in my mind conversation that goes like#Alecto: are you angry with me#Anastasia: yes. but I'm not being fair
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i know astrology is fake but i'm not too keen on how a lot of people on this website seem to be clowning on it as a hobby a bit too hard. i swear the woman who thinks it's neat how she and her friends with the same sun sign are all similar isn't trying to say that you are who you are born as and there is nothing you can do to change it. it's a hobby. an interest. what happened to finding meaning and joy in the small things. does it affect you if someone enjoys tarot reading or crystals. does it make you upset someone has interests that they enjoy.
#im not saying astrology/tarot/crystals/etc. get clowned on so much bc theyre hobbies mostly enjoyed by women But....#i saw a post about some astrology study and made the mistake of opening the notes on that bad boy#not fun. and that reminded me of that old post that was basically like ''liking astrology is transphobic''#anyways idk maybe its just that my bestie is very much a ''crystal girl'' but like. stuff like that are such neat hobbies#she makes some cute little jars with pretty rocks and they make her feel better bc if you believe in something you can make it happen#when it comes to small things#like yeah if you pick up a stone that's like ''this can help you be more open with your emotions'' and you are like ''oh hell yea!''#ofc that will be on your mind and the item will be a constant reminder and actually help you with your goals#and its like. ok what really stuck with me was when i was talking with my bff and i was like ''i think all this stuff is interesting but i#feel bad bc i am superstitious and believe in some signs like lucky numbers but i know that logically its just. if i pick a lucky number of#i pay extra attention to it but i want to believe its lucky but i know how human brains work in that aspect''#and she was just like. ''so? those things dont have to exclude each other'' and it clicked#if i have a little tigers eye with me it does not make me feel more grounded magically#but if i decide (or believe) it's grounding then it will b bc it's a reminder for me to calm down#and stuff#like. ah idk how to put my thoughts into words#but i just think its unfair that a few rotten apples have ruined the perception of fun hobbies for a lot#not every astrology enjoyer is trying to sell you mlm essential oils or genuinely believe peoples entire lives are dictated upon the stars#or something#idk i just feel like these things are v misunderstood even tho im not personally like super into them myself#but ppl super mean about that stuff arent invited to look at my medieval themed fortune telling cards#idkk im sleepy and cant articulate my points someone else say this but better#leevi talks#im just saying. i dont think its bioessentialism to decide to believe you personally have a season for growth when the stars are in a#certain position or whatever
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I'm watching The Magnus Archives for the first time (i think im going to start tagging posts relevant to this with "tma liveblog" so I don't have to keep specifying). I just started season 2, and I've got to say I'm with Jon's paranoia on this one. Martin IS more competent than he's letting on. His soft, sweet, british voice is just so disarming that even hearing him talk about surviving the worm siege, I stilll mentally categorized him as "likely to die first". Sure he survived, but thats because Prentis let him go. If he actually got wormed, he'd probably just perish. Turns out, his initial idea for what would happen if he got wormed was performing emergency worm removal surgery on himself with a pocket knife. He sounded serious too, like he was mentally prepared to go through with it without hesitation if that's what it took. And if we look at what each of the characters did during the worm invasion,
Jon made no judgement calls that significantly impacted group survival one way or the other (+0) and got very wormed at the end (-1) for a grand total of -1 survival points.
Tim didn't notice that Prentis was in the archive and nearly got got (-1), sent Sasha ahead to get help, which resulted in the fire suppression system going off and saving himself and Jon from certain death (+2), got surrounded by worms in Jon's office (-1), and got very wormed at the end (-1), for a grand total of -1 survival points.
Sasha saved Tim from Prentis (+1), successfully got help, saving Tim and Jon from certain death (+2) and died (-1). For a total of 2 survival points.
Martin directed an injured Jon and Sasha to a safe place to hide from the worms and provided an effective tool for worm removal (+2), hid the stash of fire extinguishers that saved Tim from certain death (+1), and kept himself out of mortal peril for the entire duration of the invasion (+1). 4 survival points. He didn't even get injured. He's the only one who survived without intervention by forces beyond his control. Martin didn't play the part of first to die. No, this man was born for the roll of Final Girl.
And I don't think he's evil, and I don't think he killed Gertrude. But I do think that he's entirely capable of murder, if that's what it takes to survive. And I do think he will continue to exert his agency in the story in ways that the other characters and audience forget to expect from him. Not me, though. I learned my lesson. As entirely disarming as his demeanor is, I'm not going to underestimate him a second time.
#the magnus archives#tma liveblog#jonathan sims#martin blackwood#tim stoker#sasha james#if martin had ended up in the archives alone with prentis#and had nothing to defend himself with but an empty fire extinguisher#and no good escape routes#I am so sure that he would have made a proactive effort to bash her head in with the fire extinguisher#thats just the kind of guy i think he is now#he's nervous and afraid#and i believe that. I don't think its an act#He spent weeks to months downright paranoid about worms getting in#But his fear is the sort that calms the mind and fills it with gritty determination#He doesn't flinch away from thinking about unpleasant things. and he doesn't wallow in helplessness#He just does what must be done#my rambles
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'Temari wanted him to watch her, see her, hear her, not only to exhibit herself in the way she had always wanted but to show him her world, even if that world was nothing more than a foreign whisper across the room. She wanted him to hear it, and as he drew up beside her to stare down her massive printed face, his gentle smile said he had.
Satisfied, Temari turned to face herself, too. “I have a banner,” she whispered proudly. Her smile stretched into a broad grin as she heard Shikamaru snort beside her.
“You have a banner,” he echoed.
“And I look good in it.”
He hummed.
Quiet fell, slow and warm, punctuated only by soft chattering by the elevators.
“We fucked like half an hour before the photo was taken, you know?”
Grandmaster on ao3 by @notquitejiraiya
#Got some new pencils!#Small faces *slightly* easier with a harder pencil 🤔#This was a very calming scene punctuated by such a Temari thing to say haha#grandmaster#And the writing is so 🤌🫠#they got their hotel slippers on in the lobby#and i think the next chapter may be a bit saucy 🤭🤓 but not sure#Temaris face is still difficult to do consistently for me but 🤷♀️#i made the last panel a bit more cartoonish#poor shika getting outes in the hotel lobby#Temari with her newly found music 🎶 🎧🥰#notquitejiraiya's original artwork banners in the background - go check out this story to see them!!!#shikatema#temari#nara shikamaru#i love gm shikatema so much#loosing my mind: week 6
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btw i am still alive now that i have recovered from swiftkirchen and i hope you are all doing super well this summer! i am FLYING through my reading list atm which is amazing and i am feeling more and more inspired for things (footballer!paz anyone? roommate!paz as well maybe?) so hmu in the inbox it is TIME TO THIRST
#this month has been so crazy#being an adult is constantly switching from bone deep exhaustion to fully packed calendars for social things#and i love the social things don't get me wrong but like#i need time to rot#i need time to stare out the window and daydream#and i have had the bEST scenarios come up in my head just before i fall asleep#(aka the main way i get any of my writing outlined lol)#but i have barely even opened my laptop in the past two weeks#never mind written anything down#anyway what i am trying to say is that i think this 'forced' break kind of got my muse going again#i am thinking of all the things and i even wanted to write a little bit for biker!Paz again which#let me tell you#has not happened in a LONG LONG time#also also#sarah made me the PRETTIEST BESTEST AWESOMEST friendship bracelets for calm and the one#and obv i am now thinking again of that other bodyguard!paz idea i had going in my brain that one time#cause i kind of forgot about The One???#but also did i ever tell you guys about the modern calmer au i was thinking of?#bc i had a weird/uncomfy rideshare experience recently#and nothing happened and i was never unsafe at any point#but boy oh boy do i think this would fit in that au#anyway#i know there are some asks in my inbox that i never got to so maybe i'll get to it today!#may rambles
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save me old flipnote studio MVs.......
#im going thru old flipnotes i used to watch years ago and ouggghhg so many good ones#is twenty one pilots still popular.... do people still remember the TRNDSTTER and marble soda meme.........#its like im unlocking some sort of primal part of my brain and everything is coming back to me. one of my biggest inspirations as a kid#i still remember thinking the final transmission lyrics were the coolest thing and watching =TopHat= Bee and Melissa over and over#theres a very specific feeling of longing and nostalgia looking back and watching these again years later#especially when there isnt anything genshin or mcyt and instead its either fnaf undertale eddsworld or another obscure#interest... and not even fnaf sister location its like fnaf 3 and 2. its THAT old. and a lot of oc MVs especially pokemon ocs and furries..#god but they were so creative u know. i still find it amazing ppl took this little lightbox animation on the fucking NINTENDO DS and#cranked it all the way to 11.. like if u look at the transitions and movement its so fucking fluid its insane..!! HOW DO YOU MAKE THE#CHARACTERS SPIN??? AND CHANGING CAMERA ANGLES??? and keep in mind youre doing this all with a shitty stylus#on a THREE BY TWO INCH SCREEN. you only get two layers you can go up to 29FPS and you only have 999 slides to work with#and 24FPS eats up a lot of that. absolutely insane it literally boggles my mind every time i think about it. AND SOME ARE EVEN FULL COLOR#i forgot how popular EDM was back then too...they were really good for timing beats though so you get a lot of MVs with#strobe last and marble soda. porter robinsons goodbye to a world was also popular with undertale and oc MVs. also a lot of vocaloid#someone made a flipnote abt the warner bros fnaf movie being announced EIGHT FUCKING YEARS AGO. it even used the stay calm audio from#the office.... i wonder how theyre doing now... i love you shitty grainy MV audio.. but i have mixed feelings abt the flashing colors#ppl LOVED animating the sans vs frisk fight. aishite and primadonna were also big ones they were SICK AS FUCK#lots of these inspired my old oc designs.. a lot of my characters had side bangs with one eye covered. animal ears and simple eyes too#now i kinda wanna try my hand at the marble soda meme cause i loved it as a kid lol.. i wonder if i should compare my old and new art here#UGHHHH IM SO NORMAL ABOUT NOSTALGIA. IM SO NORMAL ABT MY SCHOOL BOOK DRAWINGS WITH SHIBA BROWS#yapping#nostalgia
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Black Arum ┆ Siegrain
Content warning: main character death, cannibalism, gore, toxic/unreliable narrator, highly canon divergent character portrayal. Read at your own risk. You will probably take psychic damage from this.
╳┆A lure was stuck in the soot between his lungs. Many times he'd felt the tug — enough that the wire fray had worn a rut where his ribs met — and many times he'd found her on the other end, reeling for remnants of him that no longer existed. She would aim to break him open, sift around in the cinders for those specks of him she wanted to confiscate, keep for herself, so that she could finally be rid of him. Once those flecks were washed and panned, the remains would reek like plough mud closure. For that reason he would come to her whole, every whit of ash accounted for.
A cherry little game they'd play. Her with flint and steel, eager to reignite that paltry spark of "good" that flickered freely for a lapse before he remembered himself. Him with tinder and kindling, letting it light only to call on the rain again. Her with just enough hope. Him with just enough time.
That resolve was so very compelling. More than her beauty, her candor, and even that glow he so loved to bask in — that luster he wanted to hold between his teeth and bury under his nails — more than that, her tenacity was a toothsome temptation, and he wasn't keen to deny himself anything.
So when he felt the pull, he caved to the beck and spooled the lisle. That day, the line seemed lighter, thinner, than it ever had. It should've been strong. Tensile. Instead it felt gossamer fine and just as frail, poised to tear at an ill touch, and he wasn’t exactly renowned for his gentle hands. Still, he gathered it with both palms and wrapped it proudly around himself like a ceremonial sash, grin scrawled across his face something devilish.
╳┆He found her lying in the shade beneath a long-lived magnolia, still and silent as she never was, with the color of her namesake spread around her head in halo streaks. Battle-torn, as she so often was, and yet uncannily... passive.
Anything he'd planned to say went out the airlock. Instead, he stood there with an anchor in his stomach, reaping the benefit of doubt.
Not a frown nor a sigh when he darkened her sanctum, only heavenward eyes tearless and unblinking and a resigned breath just short of peaceful. That worn tether waned phantom thin, light as helium, and the tension in his chest went slack.
There was no definite snap. No dramatic severing or ear-popping moment of clarity. Only the vague sense of loss so fresh a wound that denial was a numbing salve.
“Get up,” his voice a command, sandgrit against whetstone, thickened by an unnamed antigen.
The silence felt like mockery. A placid scene void of chittering fauna, clouds' drum, or even the most timid breeze. It wanted him to hear the absence of her breath and the stillness of her chest. It wanted him to hear the hollow. The empty. The nothing. Wanted it to resonate; to find the furthest reaches of his mind and clean them out until all that was left was this icy, clarifying silence.
He knew the end when he saw it. This was something much worse. It was robbery.
Her life wasn’t for the world to take. It was for him to hold in his hands.
Something wet and pathetic slicked his tongue — some whiny, pleading thing — and it was stubborn as oil. The authority slid to the back of his throat and left him choking, “You are the indomitable Titania. You’ve laced fingers with Death time and again only to rise and slay and conquer, so get up.”
Her warmth was set to a slow drip, spilling from her in tired beads and seeping soundlessly into her chosen ground. Little whispers of her lost to greedy loam, sullied, never to be returned.
A waste of precious love. The sod won’t drink of her as he will. It will take of her and give back what? New “life” so fragile and fleeting? A feeble weed will take root, bloom its days few, and curl itself inside out? Pathetic. An insult to her legacy. An insult to the diamond-split sharp of her bladesoul.
His heart boiled over — popping, sticking, simmering sicksweet saccharine. It colored him cloying, flooded his mouth, and forced him to kneel at her altar.
"Please," he keened, hollow and morose, and his own pleading sickened him, “Say something.”
The sun trickled through the leaves like ichor, lighting up her black-blown eyes and the thin ring of honey surrounding them. Dim, distant, and dead as the moon.
His hand carved a path to her face, fingers featherlight against her fading flush. He brushed her bangs from her eyes and forced an unbroken breath through his quavering mouth. He traced each scar too faint to see and the parts of her skin their star kissed. Memorized the map of her face — each curve and crease, each fine hair, and every eyelash. He would carve out a space in his mind in her shape and fill it with the thousand sweet nothings he kept in his pockets.
He gathered her hand and threaded it with his own. When he opened his mouth, a rickety twine escaped from the deepest point of his chest, so he forced his jaws shut to keep the grief corked. He uncurled her fingers and pressed his cheek into her palm, trapping her there against his own scarred skin. His eyes fell shut as he breathed in this borrowed touch — this moment fated, stolen from him by this world's insatiable avarice.
He kissed her palm directly in the center; held it against his mouth and felt his own ruined breath echo back to him from the deepest grooves of her skin. Again, he begged, “Please, Erza.”
Of the armors innumerable now haunting this hallowed ground, this one least befit her.
He revered Death. If there was a god, surely it was Death, he thought, for Death asks for nothing but life. The dead don’t know that they’re dead. They know a split second of euphoria and then a sharp, definite end. Isn’t that the work of a gracious god? One last stroke of color whether in peace or peril, and then eternal rest. Back to the dust you sprouted from.
But now he couldn’t see any of that beauty he often waxed poetic about. All he could see was change yet to come. All he could see was her, and he wanted her back.
He wanted her back, yet he knew better than anyone that there was no such thing as resurrection. While Death might be gracious, it was not generous, and it was not to be reasoned with.
The thought of her buried deep, bathed by the dark and abandoned to rot — it washed his mouth acid sour. It ate straight through his tongue and lingered in the roots of his teeth, burning, raging redhot in his jaws’ marrow. A grave didn't suit her anymore than a pyre.
Soon she would be cold. Stiff. A feast for flies and their insatiable young. In the days to come, she would bubble and bloat and sallow. Her skin would loosen and slough off. The sun would bleach her bones. The meat of her would melt into oil and fat and bogspit. She would mix in with the soil, the groundwater, and this thankless magnolia would thrive.
It was tall, thick, with branches spread in all directions. The lowest of its limbs showed off the varied deep greens of its large waxy leaves, their undersides a chalky brown. A few white flowers bloomed, palm-shaped petals open in praise like they'd come to witness and worship. There was no question why she'd chosen to crawl here. It must've reminded her of home.
Despite its beauty, it was hardly worthy of her. Nothing in this ravenous world was. Her grave should be carved within his chest. There, he could keep her warm. He could host her in his veins. One day, they would wade the waters of woe together. Until then she could live under his skin.
He wouldn’t allow her to spoil. Wouldn’t place her gently into time’s whittlesome hands only to lose her peel by peel by rotting peel.
This world has taken much from you. Do not allow it to take her too.
A carnal ache etched itself into bone, a depth of passion he hadn't felt since he wrought for a false Heaven.
She is a fruit, ripe as a plum and twice the taste. Peel her open. There is a seed at her core. Plant it in your soot-field chest and watch her bloom anew.
What are these hands for if not this?
Flesh like sheets of silk. Muscle like rope. Blood like honey. Bone like an ivory trove. The splitting, the squelching, the straining, ripping, snapping; it burrowed marrow-deep and lingered there. Her chest peeled apart like jagged teeth, jaws croaking their rusted tune, and inside that redslick maw was the center of the universe.
The heart upon its throne, still as she, shielded by her precious lungs. It slid into his palm like it was always meant to be there. Raw, rich, and so very scarlet. Its sinews strained against his pull — those hollow vines that fed even the furthest parts of her — so he wrenched them free and draped himself in them like matchless finery.
Eat. Eat ‘til you’re sick. There’s a hole the size of her in the pit of your stomach. Eat until you fill it.
What are these teeth for if not this?
Tough as leather; smooth as rubber. His teeth slid right off the rind and clicked together with nothing but metallic sheen between them. He gnashed at that ink-dripping muscle until he found a spot weak enough to tear apart. It tasted of rare meat and iron; a heady gore thick enough to drown in. He swallowed, gasped, and that first new breath felt like a blade.
The child inside him saw her split-open ribs as his cradle. He wanted to crawl inside, curl up, and die. He wanted to paint himself her color.
He lost his vision to the hot, angry wash. His own sobs were a distant sound, muffled by meat and blood and his own desperate fingers. He was numb in the mouth and in the shake of his hands, but he forced himself to eat, eat despite the choking, the gagging, the wet, weeping remorse.
Don’t you dare throw her up. Be grateful. Swallow and say thank you and finish what you’ve started.
He bit into his own palm, indistinguishable from her core, and he cried out in sour relief. His hands spread raw grief over his face, through his hair, and down his neck.
You’re no better than this starving world.
He curled into himself, hands clutching his own aching chest, and despite the cloudless sky, he called upon the rain.
#v: ✗ ┆ siegrain ┆ ◜ canon divergent ◞#⚶ ┆ ◜ drabbles ◞#I was in a silly goofy mood#reader beware#this one was an exorcism.#needed to purge this depravity.#hey guys what if I bare my soul and it's a festering wound.#did I provide context? no. am I sorry? also no.#this only works in darkverse.#this is very obviously not inline with canon Jellal's personality but with a mutated version of him I created to balance ->#the healing arc I'm putting him through in mainverse.#not love but a secret other thing (obsession. possession.)(...take my money... I don't need that shit...)#& now she haunts the narrative. in my mind. and his too.#In my defense I've never claimed not to be a degenerate#yeah actually I am kind of embarrassed about this thank you for asking#never thought I’d have to say this but I do not endorse or condone cannibalism.#hey Sieg have you ever thought about chilling. calming down perhaps. I say as if I did not put him in this situation.#I fear this is one of those things I’m going to look back on in a few months & say: that should've stayed in the drafts.#me personally I love posting cringe. it's what I deserve.#if god exists I will have to answer for this. catch me in the river Acheron sipping on straight up anguish.#can you tell I have been confronted by the fleeting nature of mortality more often than usual lately. be honest.#actually I decided to not to go too into depth with the gore this time. I feel like keeping it vague lends more to the fugue state#also because it was giving me REALLY weird dreams. so like. yeah. I could've made this worse. but should I have?#tags bout damn long as the drabble. sorry gang.#cannibalism tw#gore tw#main character death tw#body horror tw#dayne’s depravity#daynedepravity
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ok movie thoughts time
#letting it marinate for a night really did wonders.i can actually string words together now#THE SOUND DESIGNDHDURJRFJRJHSJDKGRIIDJFKKSJDKFK DELCOOUS FUCKING DELICIOUS#THE SQEAKS OF THE SHOES THE IMPACT OF THE VOLLEYBALL OM THE FLOOR THE DROPS OF SWEAT EVERYTHING GGGGGGGGGG#FUCKKNG GORGEOUS MUSIC AS ALWAYS I FUCKING CRI ED BC IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL#BRO THE STAY INTERSTING SCENE!?!??@@?!?@?@?@??!?!?!?!! I JUMPED INBMY SEAT#THE WAY EVERYTHING HUST GOES SILENT!!?!!?@??!?!?!?!?!!!!! IT SENT CHILLS DOWN MY SPINE HOLY Y#KENMAS FACE THE WAY HINATA JUMPS BACK BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#sidenote im going to devour the kenhina tag on ao3#BRORBORBRJFJGJGNDKDBFKS THE CAGE SCENERE#AND WHNE HE BREAKS OUT OFBTHE CAGE THE FLURRY OF FEATHERS THE BARS GIVING OUT#BROOOOOO KUROOS LAUGH MADE ME SO GIDDYYY THANK GOD FOR THE DARK THEATRE I PRONABLY LOOKED LIKE A FOOL#THE WAY HIS WHOLE BODY SHAKES. LAUGHING WITH HIS WHOLE BEING IM AIDJFHSJDKDK#I LOVE LOVE LOVED TINY KUROKEN SCENES!!!!!!!! FJFFFJHDKSKFK KUROO TINY BOUNCE AWAY FROM SUCCESSFULLY BUMPING THE BALL HAHSHEHEHFHDJJ THE#ENTIRE THEATRE STARTED LAUGHING IT WAS SO SO SO OOVELY#GOOOOOOOOOOOD TSUKKIS SMILE LIGHTING UP THE WORLD#THE TSUKKIYAMA SCENE!?!??@?@??!?!!! FUCKING CHOKED. HOLY SHIT. IT WAS BEAUTIFULLL#THE BICKERING WHEN BOTH SIDES ARE ALRESDY FUCKING EXHAUSTED. HILARIOUS WONDERFUL AMAZING FINALLY HEARING IT#the tiny bokuaka commentary sprinkled within ;w; BOKUTO BEING OMGG LOOK AT OUR TSUKKI#ive read the manga i know this happens i just was still not prepared bc its so different WHEN THERES MUSIC AND VOICES AND ITS JUST U IN A#THEATRE WITH ONE OF THE GREATEST PIECES OF MEDIA YOUVE EVER CONSUMED#WAS FUCKING LAUGHING AT LEV DOING PUSHUOS W YAKU SITTING ON TOP OF HIM LLOL#ALSO NOYAS EXCITED HUG HE GIVES HINA HANSNFIDJ HAIR RUFFLES#BOTH SIDES HAVING THE TIME OF THEIR LIFE BEING LIKE BRO WHY ARE U SO COOL?!?!??@?@?!!! BRO EHY ARE Y O U SO FREAKING COOL#THAT FINAL FINAL BIT#before kenma goes to set the ball...the pan around the gym. the flash back to the training round....WAS FUCKING SOBBBINGG#WWWHNE THEY WHENE THEYR SHAKING HANDS WHENB THE MATCH IS VOER AND THEYRE ALL EXHAUSTED#LYING THERE CALM QUIET TIRED OUT FOT HEIR MINDS IM GOGIFJBDJSJDKF#broooo i wish the movie could have lasted for7 whole days it was over so quickly;w;#phenomenal. it was absolutely phenomenal insane gorgeous i need to see it again#need to commit every second to memory i need to stop blinking i csnnot miss even a single millisecond of it
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my hater moment for the day yes it’s 8.30 in the morning but whatever like if you have a skinny narrow nose from the front in my head your nose is not big like at the very least it’s at the bottom of the big nose pyramid
#i’ve been thinking about high school me going to the plastic surgeon and like if my nose was narrow but with a bump i wouldn’t gaf like if#it looks small from the front but no mine is so 3D from every side truly has mind on its own#anyway doctor said he never saw a healthier better developed nose so naturally i cried#in the hospital with my dad calming me down and then taking me shopping anyway hwerwedkdk idk why this turned into a t(eo)mi#anyway if you have a wide nose i think you would understand where i’m coming from 🙏#also i woke up from a weird dream that prompted this but also made me wanna die and also delete tumblr but i need to go on a walk with boni#and relax like 😐 Whateverrer#tt
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like this guy.the star
(based on this post by artwheat)
#y is this my only astarion art ever. i should fix that#bean bart#yoru#i cant fandomtag this ..dont look at me guys#edit: ok thinking abt jt its even funnier elves barely sleep like hes absolutely stuck being clung to for the whole night#ast is NOT moving from that spot bc itll wake up yoru (semi-light sleeper)#i think i made yoru a halfelf so having him b kinda resilient to sleep is cute..mainly in terms of staying up a little later w ast to talk#mb ast teaches yoru some better trance/meditation techniques to help him calm his mind (selfishly its so they can stay up longer tgth)
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I had an important presentation today and it went well fortunately 💖💕🥹 I’m so tired today though, I’ll probably not finish editing the accident tonight, my apologies 🥺
#love you#tired tired#but I‘m just glad that I can finally move on from the presentation#do you know that feeling when you know you have something like that due next week? and you cannot relax at all#it‘s always subconsciously in your mind#that’s how this presentation felt for me 🥹#I feel so much better now#i will sleep well tonight 💖#Love y‘all#and sorry if someone was waiting for the next part#it’s basically done#I just need to proofread it#but my brain is tired#Tomorrow for sure#and pls lower your expectations on the next part#I made it rather calm#but the part after that will have soooo much drama#I’m eager to write it hehe~ 💖🫶🏻
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i think it's worth interrogating why, for some, "thinness" is associated with gender affirmation and niceness. i think it's worth interrogating why, for some, being bigger is associated with agression and ugliness. i think, if your first impulse to someone suggesting a character be depicted in a larger body is, "fuck you ewww how dare you," that maybe just maybe, you might have a few biases that you need to unpack. this is not saying that artists can't draw what they like, this isn't saying people can't headcanon what they like, but i wish people would think a bit deeper about why they view thinness as so desirable, and fatness as such an affront.
#i tried to be calm in the post but imma be a bitch in the tags#your skinny femme sirius is not fucking oppressed#and the way people in this fandom talk about thinness is genuinely triggering for me and for a lot of people#one thinness is not associated with a fucking gender#people of all sizes exist across the gender spectrum#what message do you thinks it sends if being skinny is integral to your conception of gender??? genuinely what do you think?#what message do you thinks it sends when fat characters are demonised ridiculed or flat out ignored???#clearly you guys read harry potter growing up because you talk just like JKR#now i'm a bit older and i've done so much fucking work on my body image on making peace with myself on breaking out of ED and diet culture#but if i was 16 and still deep in my ED i would absorb this message like a fucking sponge#and i would probably be right there with you being revolted by fatness#don't take this as an attack take it as a chance to reflect on why you think the things you do and on the effects your words have on others#for me personally i really find super skinny super femme sirius triggering because of my history with EDs and my own gender issues#but for the most part i've made my peace with the fact that this is MY issue and so i try not to comment on it#everyone has their own experiences and i think it's good to be mindful of that#and learn when the best policy is to just disengage#i didn't comment on the post that sparked this initially because that's what i was trying to do#but i kept seeing it and i kept seeing some really awful things being said about fatness and masculinity and i just don't think that's righ#marauders#sirius black#ed mention#fatphobia#fandom culture
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In these days i realized i like art and writing and creating and shopping and taking walks and talking to people and cleaning and helping and studying and doing things but i'm just. too stressed, tired and burned out to do them. How great!
#i am losing my sanity day by day#drowning myself in the nearby lake seems better and better every day#why am i even writing this i have literally no mutuals or even people who'd care about#don't mind me crying myself to sleep haha#ooooh look at this pathetic baby. sitting in their little bed crying stupid tears. i should at least get tissues now while my crying isn't#fuck history fuck school and fuck me i quess#am i gonna start treating this as an actual blog and make a sideblog for reblogs? who knows! certainly not me; stay tuned for the story!#i'm gonna go and just let it all out into a pillow#vent ig#my mom is blasting holiday music in the other room lol#nice to have a whatever the fuck im having while “jingle bells” plays#at least i'm not hearing mariah carey ig#anyway i've probably hadn't been taking care of myself lately it has been worse despite me promoting it to everyone who needs#when i vented last time and it wasn't taken seriously so woop#anyway imma go try to calm myself and back to my notes i go#please gods what did i do to deserve thi s shit. fuck you#i hate it here i really do. i hate when these people talk to me i hate them. i at least can be sorta accquaitances with one but they just.#all stare and laugh? i actually can't. like i'm some fucking clown and laughing stock. just kill me at this point. i have been enduring this#for YEARS and suddenly i'm being a little bitch about it?? what the fuck. why am i so mushy all of a sudden. being shown an ounce of respect#and care made me expect it more? fuck#i'm just setting myself up for failure. i am just a giant loser and failure of a person.#everything seems so fucking hard. and pointless. i am tearing my rotten little heart apart with this. i am once again grieving things#long ago and things i never had. my everything has to be pleasing to an outsider#my value is my suffering. am i breaking enough? is this beautiful to look at#at my self destruction? i hate myself. i treat others so cruelly. i am a horrible fucking person.#my problems are not their burden - i forced it on them. wept like a baby because she left me. and what happened in the end? my paranoia got#to me. i left them. i fucking. i fid the thing i was afraid of being done to me.#this is showing so many issues.#so many things wrong with me. i shouldn't even be alive by this point - i wasn't supposed to survive past 12#i am being forced to do this every day. someone please just end my fu king suffering
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