#so i just end up listening to 10 of them on repeat
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Scalding hot take probably only I agree with: “Ancient Aliens” by Lemon Demon is such a Ben 10 Cinematic Universe coded song
If this were an elaborate scheme to get me to listen to a song at random this is how you’d do it, link it back to Ben 10 (or some other on of my fixations, thank you NSR fandom for TheFatRat’s Electrified), though it might be my headache or my dislike of songs that are glorified broken records but I… :P don’t like Ancient Aliens (fitting for my loathing of the conspiracy itself). Either way though I do see the vibes in the lyrics, probably my preferred Ben 10 x Ancient Aliens combo, at least it doesn’t try to claim the work of ancient Egyptians were the work of tetramands only call THAT fake by sourcing it to the bumbling of the galvan duo Blukic and Driba-
Sorry, got sidetracked :P
Your ask reminded me of a song that I’d often connect to Ben 10 - Alien Boy by Oliver Tree, if you’ll allow me to exchange songs with you - and the lyrics always made me think specifically about omnivoracious, but “I’m an alien among the human beings” stood out to me. I don’t know where that ranks on the take scale nor if it makes the song any good (roast me, it’s only fair for what I’ve said), but the power of ‘making everything about the character’ has lead me to wilder journeys that i can’t remember woops eto bleh
#ask#anonymous#ben 10#me not being a fan of ancient aliens by lemon demon does not make me NOT a fan of lemon demon#or at least- not a hater of lemon demon- i’ve listened to maybe a good handful of songs i liked#but it doesn’t mean i’m about to like every song in an artist’s repertoire ya know?#hah lmao- i remember getting a gift from someone who vaguely had an idea of my interests and assumed i owned marylin manson’s top albums#in reality i could only list one song i guaranteed to knowing WAS from manson-#the nightmare revisited version of this is halloween i first heard in a secret saturday’s halloween amv#aka i went on a tangent explaining that i’m more on the touch-phone telephone or two trucks side of lemon demon#rather than ancient aliens which is more on the end of born in the usa (4 fucking words on repeat) and just something… off i don’t like#again- roast my song it’s only equivalent exchange at this point#i just remembered a song i assigned a character#if you would like more tangents which i mean this is the whatudottu blog of course you love tangents#but wrau (remember him? my ‘fuck you�� vulpimancer?) i assigned him with tongues by joywave#literally mostly because of the one line ‘i hear their mouths making foreign sounds’ but! i have low ‘this is the character’ standards#i gave andrite sex with a ghost by teddy hyde because i thought it’d be funny if it was an in-universe joke by kesi and tero’ra#like one of them starts playing the song for andrite because ‘it’s so them’ and the first time andrite hears the chorus they nearly shatter#i think ancient aliens by lemon demon does carry the ben 10 cinematic universe vibes but i also have such a low bar of entry#that you probably didn’t even need to convince me at all just send me the one lyric that shows it strongly and i’ll just give you a thumb up#👍 <- like that see
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... i wasnt gonna say anything abt how my wrapped seemed off (mostly bc i pretty much remember nothing abt my listening habits older than like a month ago) but now im seeing others saying theirs is not accurate either 🤨
#for me i think i didnt listen to ccb enough for it to be 2nd.. jjam tho? yeah that could be 2. falling up shouldve been on the list but its#not. come play too.#rush is on it tho??? and idk like i listened it a handful of times since it came out and most of the listens were in 2023#hall of fame should have been lower and thunderous higher#should have had more bmth songs..#and i had two songs from harry and idk if i even listened to him at all this year?? and even if i did. these arent my favourite songs of hi#so its even less likely i listened to them enough for them to end up in my top 100#just breathe shouldnt almost be in my top 10 and easy shouldnt be ~60... i listened to it on repeat for like a week??#anyway. the more i look at it the less accurate it looks. meh. its a decent playlist but not how it should be and im a bit disappointed tbh
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my wrapped this year is going to make me look so boring cuz i really don't listen to songs on repeat ever (its rare for me to listen to the same song twice in one day...my top songs in the last 2 years were both played less than 25 times the whole year) but this year i've been listening to the billboard global 200 top 10 every week
#plus any from the excluding us top 10 that wasnt on the other top 10#i skip ones that ive heard a few times and decided i dont like but like ik a lot of my top 100 tracks are gonna be top 10 mainstream global#hits which is fine but i feel like my wrapped never makes it seem like i am as varied as i am but like theres too much new stuff for me to#put all the stuff i already know on repeat...#watch songs from ttpd get high up on the list bc i listened to them a bunch trying to rank it (which i never ended up completing. maybe i#will return to it at some point idk)#ive just been wanting to keep up with new releases more so thats why im listening to the charts while still doing my 2 albums a week#of older stuff
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WAYS TO LIVE SLOWER IN 2025
2024 was such a blur for me, and I feel like I wasn’t really taking in the present moments as much as I should have. I don’t want to repeat the same thing in 2025, here’s a little few ways i’m implementing living slower in 2025.
SHOWER MEDITATIONS. Each time I’m in the shower, I just focus on rinsing, soap, rinsing then I get out. While its a small thing to consider, as someone who has a lot of thoughts especially during school mornings, it's a nice way to ground yourself.
If you’d like you can start off with a little prayer, thanking him for access to clean water and a bathroom. Let the water take all the struggles and stresses you have down the drain, use soap to renew yourself of yesterday for the new day and focus on how the water feels on your skin. Then, you can end it off with a prayer as well.
TAKE THE TIME TO BE IN THE SUN OR NATURE. Perhaps you can read a book, listen to a playlist or just soak that time spent in nature. It's completely up to you, but I wouldn’t do anything that's too distracting like studying or scrolling.
SAY THANK YOU, FOR NO ONE. Each time you get to sleep in your bed, say thank you. Each time you eat a meal, say thank you. Each time you get to have access to water, say thank you. There are a lot more opportunities to say thanks, but it just allows for daily appreciation of things that we do without thinking.
UNATTACH YOUR PHONE FROM TASKS. Certain tasks, you do not need your phone. For example, cooking. When you cook and perhaps you’re waiting for something to boil, wash some dishes instead of opening instagram. Sometimes it doesn’t even have to be a task, when you’re in a car, don’t look at your phone, look outside at the window and observe the people or the cars you see.
NO SOCIAL MEDIA IN THE MORNING OR EVENING. Social media is meant for quick consumption, but because it's so quick, we underestimate the time that we spend on it. Only 10 minutes can easily turn into an hour. I would avoid using it during these times because this is probably when we’re the most easily influenced by fads, products or misinformation.
REST IS A TASK. Take the time out of your day to rest, because you need it. It doesn’t have to be a singular session daily either, it can be regular small intervals throughout the day. Use this time to reflect on how you’ve spent your time earlier, then do whatever you consider to rejuvenates you.
LISTEN TO YOURSELF MORE. While the self improvement community does perpetuate the idea of ‘following the plan, not the mood’, (and i agree to an extent) but being miserable while trying to be productive is not ideal. If you’re sad, take the time to calm yourself down. You’re angry, then channel it into something high energy but not necessarily productive.
In a way, being able to recognize these feelings and acknowledge them is a skill that is developed overtime and will be useful.
#becoming that girl#that girl#clean girl#green juice girl#winter arc#being productive#100 days of productivity#productivityhacks#productivityboost#productivity challenge#productivitytips#study productivity#mindfulness#meditation#gratitude#spiritual growth#selfgrowth#self awareness#it girl#it girl energy#pink pilates girl#pinterest girl#it girl tips#that girl lifestyle#glow up#pink pilates princess#that girl energy#that girl routine#dream girl journey#dream girl
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Merlin traveling back in time to save Arthur AU but with a twist!!
Merlin makes it to the sidhes, bringing a barely breathing Arthur with him. As expected, they ask for a price and Merlin offers his life, ignoring Arthur's protests.
Sidhe1: You're inmortal you can't die
Sidhe2: And even if you could, killing you would mean killing magic itself, therefore killing the earth itself.
Merlin: (crying desperate) I don't care! Take what you need! My blood, my magic, anything! Just save him!
Sidhe1: (smiling evily) I might know just the thing.
They never tell him what are they going to take from him, but he agrees. The sidhes start the ritual, while Arthur just keeps pleading weakely
Merlin: (smiling) If I somehow don't come back-
Arthur: (crying) Stop! Merlin don't do this. Please!
Merlin: I just want you to know that I love you.
Before Arthur can answer the ritual ends and Merlin blacks out.
When he wakes up he is in his way to Camelot in his old clothes and 10 years younger. He soon discovers he's been brought back to the very first day he met Arthur. He's confused. Have the Sidhes taken from him years of his life as a price? It doesn't make sense to him, but he decides to take advantage of this to prevent some things from happening.
Time goes by and while, in general, all events are repeating, not everything is happening as he remembers. Some people arrive in his live early, like Lancelot or Gawain. And Arthur treats him better? Like he says thank you to him more often and listens to him more. Merlin thinks it’s weird, but brushes it off thinking it’s due to the changes he's been making that some things are not quite the same.
Then the day comes when he finally reveals his magic to Arthur. He cries and Arthur hugs him telling everything its okey. Nothing its going to happen to him. Shortly after however Arthur also has a confession.
Arthur: I already knew.
Merlin: What?! Since when?
Arthur: the very start.
Merlin: How? I've been careful! More careful than before!
Arthur: Because you told me before. Well, not really before, but in the future. It’s complicated.
Merlin: Wait... you are from the future too?!
They are both surprised. They thought they were alone in this and it turns out they never were. Merlin cries all over again, apologazing for everything, for failing him, for not being able to save him, but-
Arthur: You did.
Merlin: ... What?
Arthur: You did save me.
Merlin: No, the sidhes tricked me. They sent us back in time-
Arthur: It was not them who did that. It was me.
Merlin: What... what are you saying?
Turns out what the ritual really did was turn Merlin into a small tree in exchange for saving Arthur’s life. A magic tree that would grow taller and taller and never die and whose ruts would expand making magic florish in the earth forever. Arthur of course was really upset after that. He demanded the sidhes to turn Merlin back but they only told him "what's done it's done" and that all he could do was pick the tree up before the roots growed if he wanted to move it elsewhere.
Arthur put the tree in a pot and brought it back to Camelot. Everyone was devasted with the news but they were also glad their king was alive and safe. No one blamed him, but Arthur always blamed himself. He repealed the ban as soon as he could and made sure everyone knew Merlin's involvement in the battle and later the other things he find out Merlin did for Camelot through Gaius. He made an anual event and a statue in Merlin's honor. Camelot slowly but surely welcomed magic again and became the most prosperous kingdom in the land.
Merlin: Oh...I don't remember being a tree.
Arthur: Yeah, I figured.
Merlin: But you repealed the ban! That's great! Magic was free again in the-wait... so why did you do all this if everything was fine? And how did you do it?
Arthur: Everything was NOT fine Merlin. You weren't there!
Merlin: (utterly confused) I was. As a tree.
Arthur: You know what I mean! You were there but you weren't. We mourned you but you were still alive. I kept you in that pot for longer that I should have because I wanted to keep you close all the time, yet looking at you was so painful... Gwen had to scold me into finally plant you in the garden so you could grow properly. I was broken inside, while trying to rule a kingdom. I kingdom we should have ruled together from the start!
Merlin: ...
Merlin: You're telling me you somehow traveled us back in time and throw away the golden age, your dream of uniting all Albion and all you worked hard for... just because you missed me?
Arthur: And because I couldn't say it back.
Merlin: What?
Arthur: That I love you too.
NEXT PART OF THIS AU HERE -> PART 2
#merlin bbc#merlin#bbc merlin#merthur#merlin fic#merlin fanfic#merthur fic#merlin prompt#arthur and merlin#merlin and arthur#merthur prompt#merthur fanfic#Arthur and Merlin travel back in time without knowing the other is from the future too AU
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on wat you on. z.f
fuck my nigga, he ain’t shit! boy ain’t good for nun but dick, flodgin like you wit yo niggas, pussy boy you wit that bitch.
parings: zilla fatu x black!reader
warnings: TOXIC ASS RELATIONSHIP LMAOO it’s all i’ve ever known this might hit close to home tbh. cheating, name calling, smut.
where the fuck you at? 12:24AM
let me find out you with yo hoe ass friend shakin’ yo ass and imma be on 10. 12:25AM
missed call from: Z<3
bro now you really got me fucked up. turn yo lo back on, bro. 12:27AM
yo. on my life, don’t make me come find yo stupid ass, ma. 12:29AM
(6) missed calls from: Z<3
i told yo ass i fell asleep at jey’s house yet you still wanna do the fuckin’ most and shit. but nah. you tryna listen to what janay ugly ass wanna say instead of me tho. might as well be fuckin’ her. 12:34AM
i really don’t give a fuck bout’ what you saying nigga. i’m on whatever you on. you fuckin them lame ass hoes anyways…so wassup fr? 12:36AM
ight. bet. 12:37AM
coo. 12:37AM
“girl! fuck his trifling ass fr! i’m tryna have a good time!” your friend, janay, yelled over the music in the club
“you right. i’m not even tryna get on that with him forreal. it’s whatever.” you declined zillas next call before powering your phone off completely. he wanted to take it to the next level? let’s see who finishes the game.
he kicked the shit off the night prior by not only not coming home, but going to the club all night with his cousins without telling you. to further push shit to the fam, he was on instagram live acting like he didn’t see your phone calls, or comments but replying to other thirsty ass hoes.
the last year and a half for you and zilla already had been rocky. him wanting to always be a hypocrite. he took issue with you going out and partying and dressing sexy as you wanting attention from other dudes, especially if janay was involved. yet with the rising popularity of his cousins in the WWE, all eyes were on him. the son of the late umaga currently creating a name for himself, straying away from the shadows of his family. that created a shit show as more female fans appeared.
him greeting them, smiling, creating more conversation than needed, following them on instagram, liking their tweets, giving them free tickets all kinds of shit. he stressed how it was just him trying to create his image to get his name more popping…lying ass nigga.
zilla loved the attention. especially from Aaliyah, a promoter at a local wrestling venue trying to recruit him for a match. she’d always make sure to show up in the tinest baby tee from the target toddlers section, low rise jeans showing off her tattoo near her midsection, a butterfly belly piercing, and lipgloss giving zilla ‘fuck me eyes’. he ate that shit up, too. smiling—making sure every diamond from his grill was flashing—making jokes, and laughing. you knew how important it was to zilla to join his family, but he couldn’t do that without being a friendly ass nigga?
everytime you brought it to his attention, it all started and ended the same. an argument until he fucked you into submission until tears streamed down your eyes making you forget exactly what causes the argument. you’d be cool for a few days and it’d all repeat again.
“ight yall. this next one for all my ladies in here lookin realll and i do mean reallll sexy.” the dj spoke before mixing the current song to get it sexyy by sexyy red.
the club wasn’t the place to nurse a broken heart. but having your hair, makeup, and nails done looking good? you felt better anyways. the music was a plus.
“cmon! i’m tryna dance. ill deal with that nigga tomorrow.” you tossed back your drink before grabbing janay and heading to the dance floor
you begin throwing your ass back without a care in the world. whatever it caught just happened. you knew your poster girl dress left little to the imagination, but that was neither here or there right now.
you felt hands slide across your ass bringing you towards someone’s lap. liquor taking over you backed into the dude behind you throwing your ass onto him and grinding. he got to excited as he pressed his growing erection onto your ass. while dude definitely wasn’t getting any play, you hoped someone was recording or was a friend of zilla to show him two can play the game. the dudes hands palmed over your thighs are you leaned against him letting his head fall into your neck, the strong smell of henny coming from him.
“damn baby. you tryna get fucked in the back? all this ass forreal. bet that pussy good ass fuck, too.”
“nah. i got some in the back for yo ass tho.”
your eyes went wide as the dude was snatched from behind you. you quickly spun around to see him getting punched in the face by zilla.
how the hell? who the hell, actually?
“what the fuck is wrong with you? why would you do that?” you yelled, uselessly shoving him backwards
“shut the fuck up and getcho ass in the car. yo ass got me so fucked up.” he yelled grabbing your wrist to drag you out the club
“nah! i’m good. get the fuc—“
“yo man, i ain’t know she was yo bitch. she lookin like she was ready to take some.”
zilla moved back towards the guy delivering another punch to his eye landing him back onto his ass. he grabbed your wrist back into his tight grip pulling you outside the club.
“get off me!” you snatched your arm back from him
“this the shit you doin! dancing with another motherfucka like a hoe knowing you got a man? this why ion want you with her ass! she put you up to this bullshit!” he yelled looking over your shoulder glaring at janay
“nigga fuck you. i wouldn’t have to convince her of shit if your toxic ass wasn’t a liar! what makes you think she wasn’t gone go out tonight to nurse her heart after you wanted to be with some groupies on ig live?” janay responded with just as much hatred for zilla
“mind yo fuck ass business. you deadass? i told you what i was doin! where i was!”
“the next day in the afternoon? oh so you just man of the year? fuck you.” you gloated rolling your eyes
“watch yo fuckin mouth talkin’ to me like that. i ain’t having this conversation out here with you either. get in the car.”
“what so you can go to the club with random bitches but i do it? im a hoe? i’m the problem? you’re crazy.”
“oh so you in there giving other dudes some play? like they finna line up for pussy cause you got an attitude? ight. bet.” zilla opened the passenger seat to his car eyeing you “getcho stupid ass in the fuckin car. you ain’t about to be out here tryna give some other dudes some pussy on some independent revenge shit.”
“ugh! fuck!” you grunted into the mattress as zilla plowed into you from behind
“nah, you wanna be big and bad right? take that shit like a good girl, ma.” zilla breathed out placing his foot ontop of the bed giving himself more control to pull your ass backwards, “throw that shit back, ma.”
your mind couldn’t even put 2 and 2 together from his rhythm, so his request went unanswered. his hand roughly came down on your ass cheek making you gasp, “what i say? hm? throw that ass back like you was on ole dude.” his hand came down on another slap before you began to throw it back onto him
“yeaaa, that’s right. look at that pussy. only dick she’ll ever know. had that motherfucker’ thinkin he was finna get some tonight. thought my baby was gone give him some. you was gone give him some baby?”
“ah! n-“
his hand came down on another slap making your pussy clench around him in a death grip.
“tight ass pussy. you was gone give him some of my pussy? what belongs to me?”
you couldn’t shake the feeling overpowering your anger. your pussy aching for that release, you knew your man was going to give you. each thrust had a small sting as zilla was forcing you to take all of him without allowing you to adjust for a moment. zilla not only had a big ego, but a big dick to match it. each time feeling like the first of getting fucked. zilla was a whole lot to handle and sometimes you needed a moment to take him in before he got started. but tonight was different. you ran your mouth off and he was once again, fucking you into submission and near amnesia to sweep the nights activities under the rug.
the car ride was filled with spiteful words. soon as you got home, you grabbed a duffle bag deciding you couldn’t do it anymore. you couldn’t take him wanting to be a hypocrite, an asshole, and being friendly. you were over it. calling your bluff, he yanked the duffle bag out your hand.
“you ain’t going no fucking where. sit the fuck down and take them panties off. running yo fuckin’ mouth. put that ass in the air, ma.”
“you really think, i’m about to give your bitch ass some? nah! let that other bitch get your dick wet. fuck you!”
“there is no other bitch. you think i’m letting you go over some bratty ass attitude you got? you wanted to get fucked tonight right? let me give you whatchu want. get them panties off.”
all it took was for you to raise your dress up to ur hips for zilla to see you had no panties on, for you end up in your current position. dress torn to shreds around your body, him naked, and pumping his dick into your pussy with no mercy, making you take every inch he had.
“whatchu was on tonight? wearing no panties? you like making me like this shit huh? you worried about me fuckin’ her, all i’m worried about is fuckin’ you. but you wanna be annoying and shit.” he grunted before speeding up his thrust
“shit! zilla—ssss—wai—“ you hissed out as you pushed back against his abdomen at an attempt to get him to slow down
“this wet ass pussy, nawl. you wanna be grown, showin yo ass, right? take this shit.” he pulled both your arms back into his wrist pinning them against your back. he rammed his dick into your tight space, using the advantage against you.
your sobs bouncing off the walls with the noise of your pussy squelching with every move of his hips. you couldn’t stop leaking like a faucet onto his dick. your juices connecting you to his lap as your ass rippled with each draw back. zilla gathered some of your arousal onto his thumb before pushing against your 2nd hole; it immediately clenching onto him.
“shit, baby! oh! ohhhhhh myyyy goddd.” you moaned at the feeling
your expression was priceless. teary eyes, pouty lips, and whines with the sheets coated in drool at how your pussy had a tight fit around him as he pumped. it felt too good. zilla quickly averted his attention to the ceiling with his lip in between his teeth; he was about to nut watching your pussy squeeze him. tonight was about teaching you not to fuck with him. while he crossed the line in your head, you crossed the fuck out of it in his.
“fuck, ma! i love this pussy. you was gone take her from me?” he panted speeding up “this pussy ain’t goin n’where. you ain’t going n’where.” he moaned out “takin’ me all good and shit. whining about how big it is. you can take this dick—keep that back arched f’me.”
“mmmmm.” you cried out feeling your nut rushing towards you. if he didn’t slow down soon, with his dick and his thumb, you were gonna make a mess all on him and the bed
“you wanna cum, ma? you think you earned it?” he asked removing his thumb and grabbing your hair to pull you towards him. his hand lowering towards where you both were connected and rubbed your clit in circles making your mouth open on a scream “who owns you? who this pussy belongs to?”
you tired to form a sentence in your head—anything! to please him to let you cum.
“who owns you? whose pussy is this?”
“yours.” you croak out in a small voice throwing your ass into his lap chasing his high
“nah.” zilla bends you forward again pushing at your back for your arch, “you wanna cum f’me? show me how bad. get that nut, ma.”
you placed your hands onto the bed before reversing the roles and fucking yourself with his dick. your body shuddering as you pushed yourself onto him.
“whose pussy is this? you ain’t cummin’ till you tell me.”
“mmmm fuck! yours zilla! it’s your pussy! a—i’m cumminggg ahhh.” you collapsed—temporarily loosing consciousness—to the bed as you gushed around his dick, your pussy convulsing around him mimicking your body as you thrashed on the bed babbling. zilla following behind you flooding your pussy with his cum. he let out a moan watching it spill out around the sides.
he wrapped you into a bear hug, panting deep into your ear as your bodies shuttered. he released a deep guttural moan as his dick kept twitching with spurts of his cum still shooting out.
“you ain’t going no fuckin’ where y’understand me? this pussy stayin right here and so is you,” he panted into your ear “you’re mines. no other fuckin’ dude. remember that shit. im yours. and you mines.”
“if i catch you talking to those groupie ass bitches again. imma cut all of yall. i mean that shit.”
zilla let out a chuckle as he pulled out of you. he bit his lip at the sight of your pussy pushing out whatever it couldn’t fit inside onto the sheets.
“i know, ma. i know.” he responded before heading to the bathroom.
even though you were in and out of consciousness fighting sleep, you didn’t miss him grabbing his phone out his pants pocket before.
you heard the sound of the shower running, nearly tuning his voice out, “…yea…just put her to sleep. have them panties off f’me when i get there. y’know how i want it, baby…you and janay getting all this dick t’night, aaliyah. t’care of each other fore’ i pull up. wantchall ready fa me. betta be wet too…ight…on the way.”
FA THE PLOT???? 😭. i wanted this have a cute ending but my trauma wouldn’t allow it LMAOOOOOO. 2 FICS IN ONE DAY IS CRAZYYYY
#zilla fatu#zilla#wwe x reader#fatu#fatu family#the bloodline extras#zilla fatu smut#zilla fatu imagines#zilla fatu one shot#zilla fatu imagine#yall i love him#i wanted this have a good ending but i decided not
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Mamabat 10 part 2/2
masterpost
Sam craned to listen to secondhand sounds of combat. It was all filtered through Val’s headset, so it was vaguely electronic.
“Up!” Said a female voice. Was that Robin? Sam tried to piece it together. The little one had been Robin, she'd thought. Could have been a boy or a girl. Robin looked around Dani's size.
Ah, hell. She pushed down the recurring dread that thoughts of Dani brought up.
Dani was probably fine. She just wasn't answering them because she was fabulously busy in Malaysia or Guam or somewhere else gorgeous and fascinating. She wasn't in one of those labs. They hadn't left her in a lab for a month. Sam’s hands were shaking. She squeezed them hard, angry with herself. Good thing she wasn’t in that fight, she’d be useless like this. Useless!
The percussive sounds of fast, expert violence came through Val's sound system. “Damn,” Val said. “Nice swing.”
The answer was a feminine laugh. Man, who was that? “Not half bad yourself,” said the unknown girl.
Sam untensed, a little. They didn’t sound stressed. It was probably going fine.
There was a groan. “Spoiler, please,” said Red Robin, in a tone he probably thought was too soft to be overheard. Ha. Val was using Vlad's creepertech, and Vlad was one of the best creeps out there. Sam felt weirdly proud of him for a moment. It bordered patriotism. Their freak was the best freak in the business. Eat your heart out, Batjerk.
“Like you're the only one who can pick up girls on the job?” The girl who had to be Spoiler said.
Sam snorted. Good luck with that one! Val was spectacularly unavailable. She should know, she had tried.
“Spoiler, Red Robin, and Robin.” Sam listed aloud for Tucker. “What do we know?”
“All known associates of Batman, Gotham operatives, estimated active dates are at least a couple years each. Robin is clearly an inherited role, but this current one… been in for two years, I think.” Tucker listed off. “I think Spoiler and Red Robin were both former Robins, that's not too subtle.”
Sam snorted. Her breath fanned out as visible moisture in the cold night air.
“Likely older teens or early twenties, both of them. Robin is obviously pre puberty. 13 at the oldest.”
Val made a subvocal grunt that meant she agreed with Tucker's assessment
That fit. And she really didn't like it. Sam felt her hackles rise up. What was wrong with Gotham? Her group was all child vigilantes, sure, but they'd had no adult help. They'd also all been 14 or older when they got involved. Except for Dani. God, Dani, please don't be in that building. Sam had to relax her grip on the bazooka handle because she squeezed it so hard that the metal creaked.
Danny was older now. But she didn't like that this was who he'd ended up with. Sam gritted her jaw hard and tried to keep her temper on a low simmer. She didn't have enough facts to think Batman would put Danny in danger.
“Clear.”
“Clear.”
The operation inside seemed to continue smoothly.
“That should be all the staff members on the premises,” Red Robin said. “First lab, coming up.”
“Behind me.” Batman practically growled the order.
A door opened. Sam held her breath.
“...Are those samples?”
Val grunted slightly. Why? What was going on? “Cores,” Val said. “Basically, people who have been injured into a coma. Left like that, they're gonna die slowly. Starvation.”
“What do we do?” Spoiler cut in. “I mean- what can we do?”
“Is there a way to transport them?” Val dodged the question. “I don't- yeah, that's good.”
“Can you provide treatment?” Batman pushed. “Where will you take them?”
Val let out a long, annoyed sigh. “I don't trust you enough to go into the details.”
“Why should we trust you, vixen?” Spat a very young voice.
“Vixen?” Spoiler repeated quietly, incredulously.
“Robin, you can't say things like that!” Red Robin hissed. “Ow- little asshole.”
“Enough. Thank you.” Batman cut off the chatter. “Let's clear the facility.”
They found more cores in the labs. Sam felt her stomach condense tighter and tighter into a knot as they came across research areas time and time again.
They hadn't taken the GIW seriously enough. They'd thought they were incompetent and funny. How long had scientists been experimenting on captured ghosts here? How many of them had totally withered away?
“Fuck,” Sam said quietly, and wiped her eyes off with her arm.
They were clearly finished. No Dani, not unless she was one of the cores rolling around on GIW shelves like she wasn't a person.
Batman and crew came out. She could hear Batman clearly making some kind of call to…. To a Green Lantern, she thought, to pick up the GIW agents.
Oh. That…
“Probably legit,” Tucker said on the line. He let out a big sigh and his chair clicked when he leaned back, no doubt crossing his arms behind his head. “I guess we should talk to ‘em. Should I come out there?”
“Yeah, do it,” Sam said. “You want a pick up?” She moved the bazooka from a ready position to rest across her back instead.
Tucker hummed. “That would probably be a little cooler than using my bike.”
Val snorted, but didn't chime in. Sam dipped back to town and let Tucker climb on behind her. He crouched to hold onto the board with both hands, because he was a sweaty nerd with no balance.
“The bike might have been cooler,” Sam teased, and then she accelerated hard. She met them back in the field where Batman had landed his plane. As soon as she veered into sight, all of the bats looked at her, clearly ready for a fight.
“Calm down,” Val ordered. “You're all so jumpy.”
Sam snorted and came to a sharp stop. She braced against Tucker's weight (she knew he'd be jostled.) She aimed her hardest glare at Batman. Fuck everyone else. “Danny said you wanna talk.”
Behind them, unseen, Val double-checked the straps of a new black bag. Sam had no doubt it was full of helpless cores.
Batman frowned at her slightly. “...Samantha Manson.” He looked behind her. “And Tucker Foley.” He didn't seem surprised, exactly, but he didn't seem happy to see them either.
“Old man,” she shot back. “You've got half an hour. But first off, what the hell kinda game are you playing with Danny? Because this-” she waved a hand at his child soldier platoon. “is some bullshit, okay. What's going on?”
Val shot vertically up with a whoosh of air that blew Spoiler’s hair out. All four bats whirled in time to see her blast off into the distance.
“Focus!” Sam snapped her fingers. “Why are you here?”
A muscle twitched in Batman's jaw. “My only intention with Danny is to ensure his safety. I have some concerns about the GIW and about his home situation that I want to look into.”
Sam scoffed. “Bit late.” She wound some hair around her finger. “They're gone. All of them. You saw what's left of the GIW. The Fentons disappeared the day after the GIW did.”
She heard the first hint of urgency and upset in his voice when he pressed, “Jasmine Fenton?”
“Gone.”
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I saw someone ask what "I hope this hurts" means beyond the obvious, and I started to respond only for it to turn into an essay... Because I don't feel like dumping something so long in some unsuspecting person's notifs, I'm just going to post it here instead.
I started writing this after playing the game, but ended up watching a playthrough because I couldn't remember exactly where "I hope this hurts" was repeated. I think I caught the only few times it was mentioned, but I wouldn't be surprised if I missed something, so feel free to correct me on that or anything else I might have gotten wrong.
Spoilers for the full game and CWs for everything you would expect from discussing Mouthwashing apply.
Edited 10/16/2024 for clarity and some minor issues with formatting. I added sections in hopes of making it more readable, as well as a few more screenshots that I hope will support my points better. *Indicates where I made potentially significant additions to my original analysis.
Part One: Jimmy
Jimmy is someone who has a delicate ego. This means that he's very concerned with how he's perceived by those around him. We see this in how he responds to Curly and the news of the company's closure, which he takes it as a personal attack in spite of it very clearly having nothing to do with him on a personal level.
For people like Jimmy, a threat to one's image (whether it's a matter of their perception of themselves or, maybe worse, the perception others have of them) brings intense emotional pain. Even though it's clear that Curly meant no personal offense, and likely saw more good in Jimmy than was actually there, Jimmy sees this as a great threat to his own image, and thus identity.
To be clear, it's not just that Jimmy thinks Curly is looking down on him. It's also that Jimmy needs his role in the company to maintain his image, and he needs to eventually become captain. This is his ultimate goal because the respect and control that someone like Curly has, in Jimmy's mind, is tied to the title he possesses. And Jimmy wants that. He wants respect, he wants to be listened to, he wants power over others. (This is also why Swansea's final speech is so important, in relation to the belief that if one just reaches this next goal, they might feel a little more human, a little more in control, a little more fulfilled, but as Swansea shows us, that's just not the case. And it's true for Jimmy, too. Jimmy isn't magically fulfilled by obtaining the title of captain.)
But in the beginning, Jimmy has yet to realize that just getting the role of captain won't magically make him a man who is respected, or even a man who is truly in control. He sees no opportunities for himself on earth. The only option is to stay in this company and become a little lord of his own ship... and suddenly that's ripped out from under him. He will never reach the goal he's been chasing for all of this time.
Anya telling him about her pregnancy is the final push he needs to go over the edge.
Part Two: Captain
Returning to the initial reveal that the company is shutting down for a second, I think it's important to keep in mind a few things:
1. The importance of the title of captain in Jimmy's mind.
2. How this extends to his perception of Curly, him being the current captain.
3. Jimmy's self-centeredness preventing him from understanding the feelings and perceptions of those around him.
When Curly says what he does, Jimmy immediately jumps to the conclusion that Curly sees himself as above everyone else (and most importantly, as above Jimmy), to the point of considering them "dirt." I don't think Jimmy is just projecting his greatest fear (being seen as lesser) onto Curly. I think he's projecting his own perceptions.
He's placed all of this importance on the title of captain, and thus Curly. The captain is above Jimmy. Jimmy is beneath him, is lesser. And we know how Jimmy treats those he sees as lesser (first Anya, and then the rest of the crew once he's captain, *manipulating Daisuke into putting his life at risk because Daisuke, who is just an intern after all, just isn't important to Jimmy being an example).
I think this is a fair reading because Jimmy does something similar with Swansea when he insists that Swansea is keeping the last cryostasis pod for himself. I understand some might say that this is just Jimmy's attempt to manipulate Daisuke and Jimmy doesn't actually believe it, which is a fair interpretation, but I sincerely think he believes what he's saying in this instance. And I think that because Jimmy sees selfishness as common sense. It's what he would do were he in Swansea's position, and what makes him giving the pod to Curly significant.
Part Three: Anya
So, Jimmy is already hurt and panicking. He sees his chance at power and thus fulfillment slipping away. And then Anya tells him that she's pregnant.
Anya, who he has shown time and time again that he thinks little of.
Anya, who he clearly sees as beneath him.
Any mention of the pregnancy, no matter how gently it was worded, would immediately feel like a threat to him on multiple levels. And not only that, but a threat from someone lesser than him. His image, his status, his control, his power—it's already slipping from his fingertips. *It's happening right then, in that moment. It's not just a potential future where he's held accountable in a real way (maybe if Anya involved authorities, or if Jimmy was legally responsible for supporting a child once they returned to earth). It's happening now, because his image is crumbling.
For this reason, I believe I hope this hurts to be directed at anyone and everyone that he sees as "threatening" him.
Anya and Curly have made him hurt. He wants to make them hurt.
He doesn't care about Daisuke and Swansea. If anything, he's so caught up in himself and this contorted vision of reality, I wouldn't be shocked if he convinced himself in the moment that they, too, were looking down on him for some reason. (See again, "I know what everyone is thinking. The way they look at me." Obviously this is said in the midst of his spiral, after the crash, but I wouldn't doubt the paranoia was there before that moment.)
He wants to make them hurt as they've hurt him. He may also want to make himself hurt in order to vent out his emotional pain. If not, death may simply be the easiest way to escape pain and the threat the future holds in his mind.
*Part Four: Without the Guilt
In addition to all of this, I think crashing the ship (making them hurt) is his vision of what Curly has done or is doing to him. This is how he "leave(s) the dirt behind."
To understand this, I'm going to include the birthday conversation and the conversation between Jimmy and Curly about crashing the ship.
Jimmy: ... So I guess you got what you wanted. Without the guilt. Curly: Jim... If I had known... Jimmy: I can go back to my, how'd you put it? "Struggle of a life?" Jimmy: Anya never got into medical school because she's... well, let's be real. Jimmy: And how many employment years Swansea got left in him? Jimmy: Daisuke will be fine, mommy and daddy have him covered. So there's that at least. Jimmy: But you. Headed for bigger and better, right? Curly: I'm just... I'm just working on my life being a place I don't have to fucking escape! That's what I was trying to tell you, nothing mor- Jimmy: We're the ones you're trying to escape! Leave the dirt behind now that your boots are clean! Curly: That's not what I meant. Jimmy: It is what you meant. Jimmy: You just couldn't frame it to yourself in a way that kept you as the hero. Jimmy: Abandon the crew but remain the model captain.
To me, this is one of the most important and revealing sections of the game. Jimmy is not only projecting onto Curly, he's telling us exactly what he's going to go on to do (or attempt to do) when he becomes captain.
In addition to this, we see his manipulation on full display as he twists Curly's words and won't allow him even a moment to truly speak beyond a few lines he manages to get in between Jimmy's ranting.
That's not to mention we see the beginning of yet another pattern in Jimmy's behavior: getting a person to admit their weakness, then using it against them and/or using it to hurt them (he does this with Daisuke, for example, when he hears Daisuke's fears/desire for approval and proceeds to use it to get Daisuke in the vent). Here, Curly speaks about feeling trapped. Jimmy will soon trap him in a crashed ship just as much as he traps him in his own body, which Jimmy will proceed to drug. But I'll return to that.
Curly: Jim. I can fix this. Jimmy: What do you think will happen when we get back? Hm? Curly: We can figure all of this out. You and me. Take care of it. Kills ninety nine percent. Jimmy: All I ever hear is how great of a leader you are. God, it's so annoying. Jimmy: But, now... What do you think will happen now when we get back? Curly: We'll fix this together. Jimmy: Everything you and I worked for in our lives. Accomplishments, changes. Jimmy: None of it will matter. Curly: You've gotten through difficult situations before. This time won't be any different. Work through it, one day at a time. Jimmy: It's not just me, is it? Jimmy: You were supposed to be the one who had everything under control. You said so yourself. Jimmy: The ship, this crew, everything that happened here... Jimmy: This was your responsibility, Captain. Jimmy: That is what you'll be hearing the rest of your life. Take responsibility. Jimmy: Or this can all be remembered as a tragedy. Jimmy: Despite what must have been the best efforts of its acclaimed captain. Jimmy: The Tulpar crew was never found. Jimmy: No one survived to tell the tale. Take responsibility. Jimmy: You're standing at the top. Jimmy: Feet in cement. Jimmy: I get it now. Right? Curly: ... Curly: ... Right.
This is an important moment, because aside from the scene in which Jimmy is approaching Curly while he's on fire, it's the only other time that I can recall the game separating from their perspectives to allow us to see them both, standing together.
We see a flash of Take care of it. Kills ninety nine percent. Jimmy begins to pull away. Another flash. He continues to draw back. Another. He turns towards the cockpit.
Jimmy sees through Curly. He sees Curly's worst where Curly sees only Jimmy's best, and he's more that willing to use that against Curly.
He sees a man who is not going to do what's hard. He sees a man who is going to try to "fix it" only in the most superficial sense. A man who confuses the appearance of cohesion and peace with the reality of it. Someone who sees the rocking of the boat as a manifestation of taking action against a wrong rather than the wrong itself.
In the end, it seems they're both ruled by appearances. And Jimmy will soon rip appearances in every sense from Curly's fingertips. He will make him hurt. He will get his revenge. He'll turn Curly into the villain, taking away his title, his respect, and his very face.
For daring to look down on him, Jimmy will turn Curly into dust.
But I think these words—I hope it hurts—come back to haunt him.
Part Five: The Eye as a Mirror
Like I said, I went back to try to find each time the phrase is used. There's the beginning, of course, but then there's the pregnancy sequence, for lack of a better name.
When the Polle monstrosity emerges from the giant uterus (?), we see these words:
In this sequence, we see a lot of different images and concepts connected: Anya's pregnancy and thus her sexual assault by Jimmy are tied to Polle and the company. The emergence of the Polle monster from the giant uterus (and the idea of the removal of the pregnancy) is tied to the mouthwash, as it's an act of "cleansing." This is all then tied to the phrase I hope this hurts.
Unless I missed something, these are the only two moments when the phrase is used: When Jimmy crashes the ship, and when he's experiencing this hallucination.
All clean! Really gets rid of that bad taste in your mouth, huh? Through wreckage! Through silence! Wash it away! All day fire fresh!
"Clean" is important immediately. "Leave the dirt behind you now that your boots are clean," Jimmy says. Because in this accusation is Jimmy's actual intentions himself. He wants to rise above others and clean himself from their filth. Now, he wants to clean himself of his sins.
I think "Really gets rid of that bad taste in your mouth" is mocking him. A direct challenge to the thought that he could ever truly be "cleaned," at least in the ways he's so desperately trying to go about it. *Not to mention how this connects to the mouthwash, as it might get that 99%, but there's always going to be 1% left.
"Through wreckage" obviously refers to the wrecking of the ship, but also of their lives. All by Jimmy. Though I wouldn't doubt in his mind it connects to the wreckage of consequences (ie. Anya's pregnancy resulting from Jimmy's actions).
"Through silence" I feel connects back to Jimmy's attempts to keep everything quiet, both literally and figuratively.
"Wash it away" also has a mocking edge, as if stressing the foolishness of Jimmy's attempts to treat these very serious events as if it's all just "dirt" he can wipe off.
Finally, we see "All day fire fresh!" This line stresses the connection to the mouthwash, of course. It also calls to mind the concept of cleansing by fire. Important considering Curly.
And after each, I hope it hurts. Jimmy's statement of pure, childish rage. His desperate desire to make others hurt as he hurts. To lash out, to get revenge. To have control until the very end.
This is also why Polle haunts him. Because he, as a man desperate for control, will always be under the thumb of the company even with that title of captain. That hurts him. And maybe the closest thing to ever recognizing the evil he's done to Anya is envisioning it as similar to the company's control, but even that feels like a mockery because he's so horrifically incapable of seeing her as a human being that she's been reduced to her womb. That's what he's really afraid of, in the end, and the fear feels like something else is in control. It makes the organ feel giant, larger than him, capable of hurting him.
When I was watching the playthrough, I thought that there was going to be four or five "I hope it hurts." I thought it would represent each person Jimmy hurts, or all of them, because he hurts himself too. When the sixth came, I thought so much for that theory. But then, I thought about it and there's the fetus. That makes six.
So, I hope this hurts means "I want to hurt you the way I've been hurt. The way you've hurt me." It's Jimmy saying that if his life has been wrecked, he'll wreck yours. It's Jimmy saying he'll shut you up. It's Jimmy saying he'll burn everything down if it means he can maintain control, or even just the illusion of it.
Part Six: Pain
But I think there's another side to this. Like some of the other lines I said feel are mocking him, I think I hope this hurts turns against Jimmy, especially here. And more than that, pain (and by extension, pain medication) plays a massive role in the game, after all. So I hope this hurts feels as if it haunts every moment where it's involved.
Jimmy says this the first time he gives Curly his pills. Pain is how we know we're still living.
The pills are clearly connected to death from the start. If "pain is how we know we're still living" then pain is connected to life and freedom from it is connected to death. That's saying nothing of Anya's use of the pills to kill herself. I think this connects back to the crash, as well. If life is pain, death is an escape from it.
I think it's also significant that the act of swallowing the pain pills is in and of itself painful.
The pills that are meant to take the pain away become a method of torturing Curly. It's a way to make him hurt, and to exert control over him. Even something that should take away his suffering is just an extension of it.
At one point, Jimmy says "Once these are out, we'll have nothing to keep him quiet." In this sense, the pain pills are meant to suppress, not to heal (Through silence!). They're supposed to shut Curly up and keep him from expressing his anguish in the only way he has left (the noises that disturb Jimmy's sleep).
Others have compared this, or Curly's state, to how Anya has been forced to bottle up her own suffering. Jimmy is keeping them both quiet, or at least attempting to. The ultimate form of keeping them quiet would be to, of course, kill them all.
The pills can also be seen as an attempt to hide or conceal the hurt that has been caused rather than to actually heal. In this way, they're like the mouthwash: something that's not really helping, just covering up an issue (and thus making it worse). And the mouthwash represents Jimmy's attempts to "fix" things. He doesn't actually want to make things right, because that would mean taking accountability. He wants to protect his own ego by "fixing" things in a mimicry of Curly "fixing" things in which he wants to create a sense of "rightness" without actually adressing what (or who) has been wronged. Jimmy can't stand to look at himself, because he would see that he really is constructed of his worst moments, or at least, that's what I suspect he would see.
Conclusion
Considering all of this, I hope this hurts can then become a mantra about living in spite of everything. I hope this hurts means "I hope I'm alive in the end. I hope we're all alive in the end." It could mean "I hope I'm allowed to hurt, because I am hurt, and the harm that's been done to me must be seen rather than suppressed and hidden." It could mean "You can't keep me quiet. You can't ignore or hide what you've done to me."
Maybe most of all, I think it means I hope you reap what you sow. When it's turned back on Jimmy, when it's almost mocking or haunting him, it becomes in part about his emotional weakness. About his inability to look at himself and his reality without experiencing the pain of humiliation. I don't think he ever experiences half of the pain he's inflicted on those around him. Still, he has to deal with the fact that his attempt to hurt others instead of facing himself has caused him more pain rather than taken it away as he'd hoped.
And I think that's why he suddenly decides to make Curly a "hero" instead of a "villain." There's a tipping point where he's pushed into a corner. The pain is too much. He hasn't confronted his own actions in any real way, but he's done enough that he can't stand to save himself anymore. It hurts too badly to live with what he's done. It sends him into another stage of fantasy/delusion. The only thing left to do is what he intended to from the start: kill himself to escape and damn Curly to a slow death. Because to go on living in spite of the pain would be the right thing to do, in a sense. To live in the hell of his own creation. To face what he's done. But instead, he'll entrust those heroics to Curly.
This feels barely coherent in the end, so I might come back in a few days and say wow what the fuck was I talking about? But hopefully there's something here that captures some truth. Again, please feel free to correct me if I'm misremembering anything or if I missed something.
#mouthwashing#spoilers#tw#cw#most of the fucked up mouthwashing shit is mentioned here#idk how ppl are handling tws because are some considered spoilers?#idk
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Lightning in the Bottle - Chapter 10 (The End)
Summary:
Eira Archeron was neither a Valkyrie, nor a Seer, nor the High Lady of the Night Court. She was actually pretty much useless. The only thing she wanted was to be somebody's first choice for once in her life.
Also known as: Azriel's shadows decide that if he doesn't treat his mate right... they'll just do it for him.
Warnings:
Elain Bashing, Azriel is trying...meddling shadows
(super pretty dividers by @tsunami-of-tears)
She’s crying, the shadows hissed.
Again, went unsaid.
Eira had been crying…pretty much since she had woken up for the first time and had panicked.
Even Rhys had not been able to reach her then, calm her down, stop the panic…even when Azriel had begged him, his own heart breaking at the utter terror that Eira poured down the bond. Her panic had been enough to break his fucking heart.
As had been the repeat of these three words. Again and again. She should have needed to kill them. That shouldn’t have ever been anything that she worried about. he should have been right there…but he hadn’t been.
And so she had panicked and sobbed…and they had needed to drug her…The only thing they could do, hoping that maybe a little bit more time…giving her a moment longer… when Rhys didn’t need to drag her out of a nightmare, she would wake on her own.
And then she had.
And at first, it had been fine…
He had nervously wrung his hands, forcing himself not to listen to that conversation, forcing himself not to ask the shadows what they were hearing…not to spy on her…
Eira had a right to her privacy. Especially now, when most of it had been stripped away from her. She should at least have some of it left.
Rhys didn’t seem to have these scruples…probably a good thing. His clenched jaw told Azriel that that conversation between the three sisters was not going in a direction that would help anything. Finally, Rhys had enough…had interrupted before any more damage could be done.
Azriel didn’t know what had been said there either, but… Rhys’ slumped shoulders when he left her bedroom had been…
“She’ll need time,” Rhys had told him quietly. “Give her time, Az. We did a lot of damage with careless words and actions… She’s…We fucked up and she’s the one paying the price for it.”
With her tears, went unsaid.
The shadows complained to him, about how she was crying, how Nesta and Feyre were holding her and that didn’t stop Eira from weeping like somebody had died.
And he supposed in a way… somebody had died.
Eira’s twin sister…the sister she had loved…she had died. Died the moment Elain decided to keep the vision a secret…when she had tried to make sure that it wouldn’t come true.
“Did…” he couldn’t bring out the words as he stared at Rhys.
“I told her,” Rhys assured him with a sigh.
And? What had she said? What did Eira think about the mating bond? What did she want to do with it? What did… “She thought it was a joke.”
What?
“A joke?” Cassian repeated unbelieving. “A joke? What kind of joke?” he demanded and Rhys just raised one eyebrow.
“A joke at her expense,” Rhys clarified evenly. “That Azriel couldn’t possibly be her mate.”
Somebody ripping out his heart with their bare hands probably would have hurt less. What was he supposed to say to this? What was he supposed to do about it?
How was he supposed to assure Eira that…that he wanted her? That he was glad about the mating bond because, without it, he would have walked through his life deaf and blind to the treasure right in front of him.
He would have…he wouldn’t have known...He wouldn’t ever having seen that vision, wouldn’t ever have seen the children they would be able to create, the happiness on his own face, the happiness on Eira’s face…
How was he supposed to beg on his knees for her forgiveness when she was sobbing at just…
Azriel went back to pacing.
He had no idea what to say to that. He had no idea what to do to make this right.
He had…
There was nothing he could do. Nothing at all.
And Azriel hated it.
Maybe that’s what brought him back to the hallway in front of the room…back to sitting there and staring at the closed door…back to cradling that golden bond in his mind and waiting for Eira to wake up from her crying fit induced nap…
Cassian kept him company, clearly still expecting him to go off and do something really stupid. Like murdering Elain in cold blood.
Which he wasn’t going to do, for the record. Oh, he wanted to. Eira wouldn’t forgive him for that though. And that was the only fucking reason why he didn’t do it.
He had killed people for less than Elain trying to make sure that his children would never be born.
Still, he tried to push down that anger that was embering in his gut. If he didn’t do that, he would just get even more angry and he didn’t think that his anger was his biggest problem right now…it was…
She’s awake, Master. The shadows. Of course. Aren’t you going to talk to her, Master? They pushed him. Always pushy.
I don’t think she wants to see me, he gave back quietly.
She’s our mate!
And don’t forget we hurt her, he responded tightly.
You hurt her, the shadows sniped at him. We kept her company. She likes us.
He was pretty sure that if the shadows had eyes, they would be rolling them at him at the moment.
“Do you want to talk to him?” he couldn’t help but flinch as he heard Feyre’s voice through that closed door.
“Do I have a choice?” Eira’s voice sounded…broken. He had no other words for it. Nothing but that. Broken. Completely and utterly splintered apart.
“You’ll always have a choice,” Nesta assured her, her voice hard. “You don’t want to see him now? Then’ll wait until you feel ready for that.”
It was quiet for a moment, and he could hear her breathing…uneven…and then a quiet sniffle.
“I’ll talk to him.”
It was both the most beautiful and the scariest words he had ever heard in his life. Azriel had half a mind to take off running, but the shadows tightened around his wrist like a manacle.
Don’t even think about it, they hissed at him. You’ll go in there and you are going to apologise.
“Are you sure?” Nesta made sure.
“Yeah.” Her voice was shaking and sounding just as unsure as he was feeling. Neither of them had a clue what exactly to even say…what to…
Nesta was the one opening the door, fixing him with steely eyes. He already knew that there would be hell to pay if he upset Eira.
But he didn’t even get to think about that closer because the shadows outright dragged him into the room, nearly making him stumble as he entered.
Eira was sitting up in her bed…wearing a silky dressing gown pulled over her nightgown, hair pulled back into a braid…he had no idea where to stand or sit, but the shadows didn’t have that problem, coming to swarm to her, like…she was their favourite thing in the whole wide world.
They came to curl themselves over her shoulder and then around her hands and she reached out to pet one of them like one would maybe do to a cat.
“Eira,” he finally breathed out, staring at her.
The blue of her dressing gown brought out her eyes…somehow making her skin seem even paler…a blush high on her cheeks…dark circles under her eyes…she looked exhausted. Of course, she did. She had been stabbed by a fucking poisoned knife, he berated himself mentally.
“May…May I sit?” he blurted out, and she nodded, looking everywhere but at him, her bottom lip pulled between her teeth.
It was…
He managed to cross the room to the chair at her bedside and sit down on it…his shoulders so tight that it hurt.
She hasn’t thrown you out of the room yet, great job, the shadows sniped at him.
“I…”
“I…”
They both started at the same time, and she started at him, grey eyes wide.
“Let me…please,” he blurted out, his heart hammering in his chest. “I am so sorry.”
“You didn’t do anything,” Eira whispered, staring back down on her hands, tightly clenched into her bedding. She waved him off, even when her voice was thick with tears, even when…
“Yes, I did,” he disagreed. “I did a lot of things that weren’t right. And I’ll probably spend the rest of my life regretting them, Eira. I am sorry that I treated you like you didn’t matter…that you felt like you were worthless because of something I did…I am sorry that I never tried to really talk to you or…I am sorry that I let it go this far…and I am sorry because I knew better,” he apologised. It wasn’t enough.
Nothing that he could say, would be enough. But she still stared at him, wide-eyed, like she couldn’t believe the words that left his mouth. Her surprise poured all over their fledgling little bond.
“I should have questioned Elain about the earrings, but I didn’t,” he continued. “And I am sorry about the pain that that caused you.”
“The earrings?” Eira asked, her voice hoarse.
“Elain told me to buy them. I knew that your ears weren’t pierced but…I listened to her. She told me that you were thinking about getting them pierced and that you wanted them and…I am sorry,” he explained and she swallowed, her delicate throat wobbling.
“They are beautiful. I always thought so,” Eira whispered. Oh.
“Rhys showed you…” he stumbled over the words.
The babies? The shadows whispered excitedly. They were excited about that vision. After their screaming fury had subsided they had danced around him in pure delight at the prospect of babies.
“Elain’s vision? Yes,” Eira whispered quietly. “I…I understand if you don’t…” her voice shook as she trailed off and he stared at her.
“If I don’t?” he repeated dumbly. If he didn’t what? What had…
“Want me? I won’t keep you leashed to this bond. You don’t owe me anything,” Eira pressed thickly, a hand coming up to wipe away her tears and he could just stare at her.
“How can you say that?” he breathed. How could she just wipe away what she had seen and think he wouldn’t…He wouldn’t want his…Wouldn’t…fight hell itself for this? “I saw the future, Eira. I saw our children,” he asked her desperately. “How can you say…How can you say that when you saw that vision? I want that life. I want that garden and I want our daughter and… I want you!”
“You want me because of that mating bond,” Eira whispered. “You…You wouldn’t want me otherwise. How is this fair to you?”
“That’s…” It was preposterous. It was…
“It’s the truth,” Eira whispered. “I am not going to shackle you to me.”
She said that like it was a fate worse than death to be mated to her. And not a gift from the mother herself.
Like he was going to regret it…and not thank the cauldron for the gift it had given him.
“Firstly, you wouldn’t be forcing me into anything,” Azriel started his voice even. “Secondly, being mated to you would be my privilege. It would not be a duty, it would be a gift. Thirdly, I was a fucking idiot, Eira. That’s what I was. I let myself be blinded by a pretty face. That’s what happened. Elain may think she is the beautiful one, but you are the kind one. She’s a monster,” he spat out. “I know she is your sister but she… She wanted to keep our children from us,” he whispered helplessly.
“I know that you are a good person. I know that you were willing to put your life on the line for your nephew… I know that you would protect our children ferociously.”
And that was more important to him than anything else.
“The mating bond is forcing you to...” She choked out, the tears finally brimming in her eyes and starting to fall.
Fix this, the shadows demanded sharply. You hurt her. Fix this now!
“The mating bond works two ways,” he finally brought out. “Is it forcing you?”
“What?” she stared at him, tears still falling and he reached out, with one horrible scarred hand and took her much smaller one in his.
“I swear to you, Eira…it’s not forcing me,” he promised her. “That’s not how a mating bond works. You could always refuse me,” he promised her.
The last thing he had expected was for her to snort.
“If I refuse the mating bond you could go mad, or worse,” she whispered. “You want me to believe that the Night Court would be alright with losing its spymaster and shadowsinger because I refused him his cauldron-given right?”
He could just stare at her in outright horror.
“Yes, of course,” he promised her hoarsely. “Eira, that’s not even a question. I would never force you.”
His father had done that to his mother.
“I was born and raised to be sold off to a man, any man that would be willing to take me because I wasn’t smart enough to find a Prince and I wasn’t pretty enough to marry for love and beauty like Elain. My mother liked to say that I would make a good farmer’s wife,” Eira said, her voice nearly emotionless. “Somewhere along the way, I started hoping that maybe he would actually want me for me. I should have known that that was ridiculous.”
No, it wasn’t ridiculous. It was…
He could understand that.
“It’s not ridiculous he said quietly. “And the mating bond is not forcing you on me, or doing anything that I do not want…If anything…it only opened my eyes to something I should have seen earlier.”
He watched his shadows twine around her hands again, obviously trying to comfort her.
“They were always much smarter than me,” he said quietly.
We are, they preened aloud so that Eira would hear them too. Master will not force you, and you didn’t force Master into anything. We still exist, too…we wouldn’t let either happen. They promised her brightly.
It was…something.
“Of course, you do,” Eira whispered with a wet little laugh, the sound so beautiful. “They kept me company sometimes. When I was alone in the evenings,” she said softly…a peace offering of sorts.
“They do tend to be smarter than me,” he reiterated and she gave him another little laugh.
And he watched her play with them for just a moment, thinking about what she had just told him.
Eira had never truly expected to have a choice in the man she was going to marry. Not as a human…and not known as a fae with a snapped mating bond.
So how…
Still…her humanity had been ripped from her. Taken away. Never to be returned.
So how…
“If I were human…how would this work?” he asked her, as a plan began to take shape for him.
She looked at him, startled, the shadows forgotten twirled around her fingertips.
“What?”
“If I were human and wanted to declare my intentions…if I wanted to court you… what would I do? If I wanted you to give me a chance? To let me grovel on my knees for your forgiveness,” he asked her.
Her eyes widened.
“You would ask my father’s permission to court me,” she explained quietly. “But…”
“He’s dead,” he ended the thought and she nodded.
“Yes,” she whispered. He was dead. But Nesta wasn’t.
“So if I were to ask you…would you give me a chance?” he said softly, lifting her hand to his mouth, ghosting a kiss across her knuckles. “We’ll do this your way. However, you want. So you are sure that you are not forcing me into anything and I am not forcing you. Everything at your pace,” he promised and she gave him a shaky smile.
And then she nodded, nearly shily.
But that little nod…that little nod…promised him a chance.
A chance to win her hand…a chance to earn that vision.
There was a knock at the door, and then Feyre and Nesta returned, a tray filled with food in Feyre’s hands.
“We brought you breakfast,” Feyre said, her voice filled with forced cheer. “I thought you may be hungry. Did you…two…clear the air?”
Eira nodded, a blush rising on her cheeks and he stood, letting go of her hand with a squeeze.
“Nesta, I would like to formally ask for your permission to court your sister,” he said, crossing his hands behind his back.
Surprise registered in Nesta’s eyes as she leaned her head to the side, mustering him.
“So that’s how you’ll go along with it?” she asked him, something like grudging respect and amusement in her voice.
He inclined his head.
“Granted,” Nesta said calmly. “Let’s have a talk about human courting customs. And how I’ll rip you into a thousands little pieces if you break her heart.”
#acotar fanfiction#lightning in a bottle#azriel x oc#azriel x archeron!reader#azriel x reader#azriel fanfiction#azriel fanfic
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Random Mechanisms moments I love:
I refuse to listen to DotM so this is incomplete, and terribly formatted.
"Wasn't it the aristocratic one with all the knives?" "Ah yes, the Marquis de AlltheKnives,"
Ashes has a lot of gold on board, 'for tax purposes'.
Jonny "I got a prescription of 1/2 an ounce of lead to be injected directly into the brain. AND IT WASN'T A PRESCRIPTION FOR ME!" *bang* d'Ville.
The first time we canonically meet Jonny he commits patricide, murder, and arson.
The card taps in One Eyed Jack scratch my brain so well.
The fact that Oedipus is called a motherfucker. Multiple times.
Guinevere's verse in Blood and Whisky being faster, because she is the fastest draw.
Seriously I’ve listened to the song 50+ times and I still get so happy thinking about the faster tempo.
“We’re not pure of heart but we’re sure of aim,”. These three I swear.
All the Suits turning up in pinstripes.
The entirety of Gunpowder Tim vs. the Moon Kaiser. It's getting its own post, and I have listened to it 27 times since 12/03. That's 270 minutes, or 4.5 hours.
The dwarf Dopey just being General Tuco DOPED up on drugs.
The Toy Solider.
The fact that, even for a moment, love won in the end of High Noon Over Camelot.
How creepy Holder of the Grail is.
The Riddle of the Sphinx’s answer is man. The riddle of the sphinx virus was also man, taking the life force for themselves.
10 caliber= X-caliber= Excalibur.
The sellguns on Fort Galfridian are the same as freelances in medieval times.
Baldur was killed by Missle Two.
“Any window with a hammer can be an emergency exit”
Tim and Brian during the tea party in Alice.
The entirety of Alice, actually. I feel like it’s a hidden gem.
Lost in the Cosmos :(
In Drunk Space Pirate, Jonny calling himself first mate is the best way to show his character growth.
Ivy died in a library fire. Her last name is Alexandria. As in the Library of Alexandria. Which burned down.
Marius “mom says hi” von Raum in the UDAD live version of Favored Son.
Orpheus being called a borderline child in UDAD live show, but in the fiction he’s like 27.
Jonny playing the drums in the UDAD live show during Sirens. Very flamboyantly/pissily
Actea and Lyssa. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it discussed but it is one of my favorites. The vocals are so so good. And the fact that Actea thought that they were both running from the Hunter, only for Lyssa to be the thing she should have been running from.
The bass line in Cinder’s Song? So good.
Once you start to notice Ivy’s music in the back you can’t stop listening. I feel like it really pulls everything together.
“Also he fought a bear…” in Hereward the Wake. Such a random line and I love it.
All of Odin’s vocals in TBI. They really said “just do whatever.” And I’m thinking specifically of Odin and Ragnarok 2.
Seriously have you tried hitting the high notes in Ragnarok 2? Impossible.
How the hell did Brian get his prophetic powers? Both as the Hanged Man Merlin and in the City.
All of the live whistling is so impressive.
I just realized that Ulysses has their own motif in UDAD. It’s the piano from My Name is No-one and also repeats in ‘Olympians’ and Torn Suits at least.
I know it’s been mentioned but Lost in the Cosmos’ melody in the background of ‘The Tower’ is such a good foreshadowing moment.
Prometheus was punished for giving the people of Ilium a FIREwall. It’s so good it loops around to being bad.
The church bells in Gunfight at Dolores Guard signifying that it’s noon.
In the DTTM records by of Hellfire Jonny pauses right before ‘flock’. To gain control of the crowd, like a preacher would.
The Mechanisms are hated in-universe. So much. You can’t tell me that Lyf was the first Inspector to have to talk to them. The others probably all quit.
#the mechanisms#jonny d'ville#gunpowder tim#once upon a time#ulysses dies at dawn#high noon over camelot#the toy soldier#the bifrost incident
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˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳ 𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐨𝐛𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐫
— ₊⊹ 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 . Natasha Romanoff x reader
— ₊⊹ 𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚 . in which she finally feels heard, seen.
— ₊⊹ 𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 . angst, emotional breakdown (panic attack), swearing, mentions of scars (sh), mentions of suicidal ideologies. Nat being honest and open about her feelings for once. hurt/comfort.
— ₊⊹ 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒔 . english is not my first language (🇧🇷) so i apologize for any spelling errors. rainy days, match sad stories. venting.
divider credits: @saradika-graphics ༉‧₊˚.
the heaviness of the afternoon air settled over Natasha — weighting down what was already heavy. her mind, her body.. everything felt like a weight, a weight she carried since she was born, or even before her soul was incarnated in her body. she felt— no, she knew that she was born in bad news, cursed, and there was no way of getting out of this. it's funny, those were the exact same thoughts she had ever since she was a child— 10, 11, maybe? and in that age, crossed her mind that probably when she grew up, those ideas would vanish and she would be free to have a normal life.
but that certainly didn't happen. and now, she found herself trapped. trapped in web that the more she struggled, more stuck she got, and that was a routine that repeated over and over and over — optimistic, optimistic delusional thoughts that came to battle with the bad ones, telling her that things would someday be okay, and the real, coherent ones, that crushed all the hope, the little sparkle of hope she had within her, making her mind a complete and total mess. chaos behind chaos. sleepless nights, restless days.
god, how good would it be if at least, her body wasn't enchanted. how perfect would it be, to throw herself down a building and don't feel anymore, instead of having just a few scratches here and there. the blade helped, even with the acknowledge that a normal person would feel 10 times more than she did. because the pain was still little, when comparing to everything this woman already endured. the red lines on her arms and thighs were just a reminder of the red on her ledge, and that it was now impossible to wipe away.
in moments like those ones, her brain desperately searched for any solution, any thought to refute her current state — it was the human instinct to survive. (yeah, she's human). her eyes squeeze tight, feet stumbling forward and hands gripping tightly the trailer's window rail, knuckles turning white.
inhale, exhale. inhale— no, let's stick to panting.
her mind would drift back to the little girls who she shared her life with in the red room, remembering each of their personalities, what each one of them would do in a situation like this. ironically, for Natasha, they deserved to be listened and helped. but herself? nah. but in the deep end, she didn't know if they were still breathing, still in this world. what was the point..?
"come on..." she mutters, hissing loudly as her legs start trembling, knees ready to give up. "stop, stop, stop, stop..."
her heart never felt so filled with anguish and pain like right now — yes it did, but it was always like that: whenever that happened, the past experiences felt like they never existed — and the now felt like too much to handle. her ears buzzed, the sounds of the wind blowing across the tree leaves around her went down to volume zero — the hair on her legs and arms went up in a deep shiver, and eyes went wide — realization.
the same fucking realization as always. nobody listens, nobody cares. no one will ever know her true story. no one will ever fix her. she won't be remembered. her life's a waste— why was she even born, when everything that happened was disgrace after disgrace. that's when the thread snaps, and her body reacts before her mind can follow.
her throat closes, as if suffocating — body falling backwards, hitting the floor with full force. her fingers run through her hair and tug on the strands, pulling them strongly, even breaking a few of the auburn locks. tears of desperation threatens to fall down her cheeks, but she doesn't really realize that yet. she's just so out of air, that's impossible to control any other action.
"why won't that fucking—" Natasha manages between gasps. she groans, grabbing on the skin of her thighs and squeezing them harshly, creating moon-shaped little marks, enough to draw blood. "won't it— stop!"
then, she sobs. wait, but.. why did it felt like.. relief? perhaps because now, she was in your arms.
a foreign, strange sensation of warmth, warmth of another human being, enveloped her. she didn't recognize who it was, nor did she care. with pure instinct, her arms wrapped around the person's midsection, clinging for dear life. and now, with the sense of security, she was able to cry freely. she cried silently, something you didn't like. her chest heaved with emotion, but you wished she was louder. she was taught that widows didn't feel pain, wether it was physical or emotional. that's why her small cries sounded as painful and miserable as loud ones. you, sitting on the floor with her, scooped her weeping frame into your arms and held her — her side against your chest, head tucked in the crook of your neck.
sadly, it wasn't the first time, and you knew it wouldn't be the last. you were always in the trailer with her when she had breakdowns like this one. and that was what broke you the most — her brain subconsciously would tell her she was alone, and she didn't know how to deal with intense feelings like those: thus, she didn't know how to ask for help, how to come to you so you both could prevent those mental draining episodes.
when you first met Natasha, the first thing she asked you was to forget that she was a deadly spy, an avenger, or whatever the hell else people knew her as. at least for a day, so you could see where things would go. this fact only, meant that since the beginning, she had a feeling about you.. one she couldn't quite put a finger on, but which made her want to be herself, with no masks or titles around you.
it was common sense everything she went through. but only you knew about her true point of view. when her own self felt like an outside observer regarding to her own life, you were always there to remind her of who she was.
"you're safe... you're safe, i am safe.. we're both safe.." you whisper, running your hand up and down her shivery arm, putting the cold away. "okay, Nat? you are safe. i am right here, ready to fight whatever evil that befalls you.''
"i don't know.. i-i just.. i'm exhausted... i'm s-so tired.." she manages between small cries, eyes pleadingly looking up into yours. her hand reaches out and intertwine her fingers with your own, grasping on every sense she had of your presence — because she knew it could fade again, that she could fall in the loop again. and it was torturous. "i never.. no one ever listened to me... i never.. told anyone.. about.. a-about..."
"i know." you nod, arms tightening around her. you crawl a little backwards, just so you could reach the blanket that laid upon the couch and grab it. you wrap it around her with one hand, not letting go of her own. she subconsciously brings the fluffy fabric closer to herself and snuggles up against your body. "but you can tell me. isn't it clear, malyshka? that you're stuck with me?"
malyshka. the endearment term in russian she had taught you. she loved it, so goddamn much. a little weak smile tugs on her lips, the kindness you were showing her easing the tension — as if you were offering to carry the weight with her. compassion, empathy. so foreign.
"i just.." she shakes her head, sniffling and taking a deep, shaky breath. she stays silent for a few minutes, and you wait. voice so quiet, small.. and scared. "before you.. no one ever.. held me. i never had anyone holding me. i never had a touch that didn't mean harm. never had anyone to listen."
"i know, Nat. and that pains me more than you think." you confirm, running your fingers through her hair, and nuzzling the side of your face against her cheek, resting on your shoulder. "but trust me, i will listen for hours, days, years and centuries. if you wanna share every single second of your life with me, i'm here to listen."
"that doesn't make any freaking sense to me." she chuckles humorlessly, a soft groan escaping her throat. she was feeling a little tired. "but.. the truth is.. few people understand what i went through. the little people who lived in the same circumstances as me are probably all dead.. and... i truly don't want you to understand. i don't want you to try and live the same horrors as i did. all i wish for..."
you take a moment to stare at her when she pauses. hurt arms, tear filled face. oh, what you wouldn't do to protect this heart. to keep it safe. never let anything harm it again.
"all i wish for, is for you to be here. to hold me like you're doing, to share your own experiences with me, to live with me. to whisper sweet nothings in my ear by the night. handle my body gently. just be here. be here and i know i'll be forever safe."
that was it. everything you ever wished for. you exhale deeply and shift her carefully, so she was on your lap. she looks down at you, and at your hand.. that slowly comes up to land on her cheek. she leans against it and breathes heavily. you smile, waiting for her next expected words.
"can i..." she clears her throat, hands shyly gripping your shoulders, eyes looking at you from below her eyelashes. "can i cry more?"
"of course." you cradle her again and settle her thighs around your hips. her arms wrap around your neck, and she gently leans her head on your shoulder... allowing herself to cry.. out of relief.
your right hand tenderly caresses her leg, tracing over the self indulged scars she had. the left one, makes slow, soothing circles on her spine, moving up, and down her back. she was letting all her emotions out, all the pain inside her heavy heart, was flowing out of her being. thanks to your patience, your gentleness, and your love.
turns out, love wasn't only for children. goodness gracious, how good it was to be loved...
"god," she sobs, squeezing you tighter, nose brushing against your hair as she allows herself to.. let go. "god, i need you."
"i'm here." you confirm quietly, looking up and kissing her temple. "i'm here, i'm not going anywhere."
#natasha marvel#natasha romanoff imagine#natasha romanoff x reader#natasha romanoff x you#natasha x reader#natasha romanoff fluff#natasha romanov#natasha romanoff hurt/comfort#natasha romanoff comfort#natasha romanoff#mcu#marvel#mcu x reader#mcu x you
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Love Is Not Black and White, It's Purple (Like Your Eyes) | JJK (oneshot)
Summary: You and Jungkook are not soulmates. The fact that you have been married for ten years but still see in black and white proves that.
It is never an issue for you two until…
"Jungkook, my eyes… they're purple."
Jungkook's heart stops.
You can see colors now. It only means one thing:
You have met your real soulmate, and it's not Jungkook.
Genre & Content Warning: soulmate au, housemate au, mention of murder, past child abuse, domestic violence, fluff, crack treated seriously, attempt at humor, marriage au, established relationship, kissing, blind!jimin, fashion designer!taehyung, alcohol, cursing, HAPPY ENDING. (tags are just for formalities, but tbh this fic isn't heavy at all)
Pairing: Detective!Jungkook x Fashion Designer! Female Reader
Word Count: 7.5k
****
Out of all the suicide methods in history, Jungkook thinks that if he were to try one, it would still not be as effective as listening to you talk.
"Jungkook, my eyes...they're purple."
Really. You don't need a plastic bag, a rope, or a pillow to suffocate Jungkook. With your harsh words, Jungkook could feel the air leaving his lungs.
He can't breathe. The terrible realization asphyxiates him: you--his best friend--his wife, can now see colors. For a moment, Jungkook doesn't know what to make out of the fact that he's now alone in this monochromatic world—a place where people see in black and white until they look into their soulmates' eyes.
Jungkook has looked and drowned in your calamitous eyes before, but he never saw hues.
"Jungkook...?"
Distantly, Jungkook hears you utter his name, but all he can grasp is you will abandon him. Jungkook is rarely wrong. He's a detective, after all. One word, and he can deduce the situation, making this whole ordeal more painful.
"That's..." Jungkook intends to hide his hurt, but he feels his voice getting choked up. He has no choice but to pause.
However, you are thrilled to hear what he has to say, so Jungkook forces himself to continue.
"...great. You, that's great. So great!" Perhaps repeating the same words can convince him that his statement is true. It's not. Jungkook's heart breaks when you beam at him.
Calm down. Jungkook tells himself. But he can't. Everything hurts. His heart, his soul, his words.
"So, tell me. Where's the divorce paper? Should I sign now?" Jungkook's words hurt like a knife. They cut your heart into pieces.
"What the fuck are you talking about." Your face falls. "Shitty Jungkook, are you kidding me right now!? I'm not leaving you for someone I just met!"
Now, something about your reaction takes Jungkook's breath away. Maybe it's the anger that quickly turns into panic as you take in Jungkook's words. Or perhaps it's the apparent trembling of your lips as you desperately speak of your promise of forever. Either way, your fear-inducing expression somehow reassures Jungkook.
You and him are not over. Not yet, at least.
"I'm just kidding~." Jungkook chuckles and clicks his tongue, "Of course, you're not leaving me. I'm the only one who can tolerate you, ya know?"
The joke doesn't lighten your expression at all.
"Jungkook, I'm not leaving you," you repeat. The assurance is softer this time, and despite the lack of color in your eyes, the detective can see determination in them.
Jungkook puffs out air. His heart aching a little less.
"I know, darling." Jungkook stops his jokes. He engulfs you in a warm embrace. "I'm sorry."
"Don't say that ever again." You wrap your arms around Jungkook's waist. "You're my best friend. I love you, alright?"
****
10 Years Ago; 2013
Unlike others, your relationship with Jungkook is reversed.
"Let's get married."
"The fuck?" You choke on your water the second Jungkook opens his mouth. "Are you high again, bastard!?"
You punch Jungkook mildly. The latter moves away, exaggeratedly cradling his jaw. "Ow! Why are you always so violent? Can't you hear me out first? I'm being serious here!"
"Serious?" You laugh incredulously. "You just asked me to get married!"
"Exactly!" Jungkook ignores the painful thug in his heart. "It's for our benefit. Didn't you say you want to live in PM Village?"
Apartments in PM Village are too damn expensive. You and Jungkook recently finished college; your individual income is not enough to cover the monthly amortization of a house, but it's different if your incomes are combined.
"You're crazy. We can't marry because of a fucking house, Jungkook!" You are still not convinced.
"Why not?" But Jungkook intends to change your mind. "We're both single, and divorce won't be difficult in the future. We can just tell the court we've found our real soulmates. Besides,"
The newbie detective drags his words, knowing that he'll be able to convince you in the end, anyway. "You're gonna be rich soon. You don't have any living family members anymore. Do you really wanna give away all your money to the government when you die?"
"Why? Is giving my money to you any better!?"
"I can at least maintain your wine cellar," Jungkook shrugs. "And just think about the tax benefits! Don’t you hate Hoseok-hyung for siphoning your money?”
You open your mouth to speak, but damn. Jungkook’s last statement has convinced you already. Nose flaring, you say, "Fine!"
It's like music to Jungkook's ears. "I need your full confirmation."
Jungkook really wants you to say it. You fold your arms across your chest, "Fine, Bastard! I agree with your absurd proposition. Let's get fucking married."
At the age of twenty-two, you and Jungkook tied the knot. Ten years later, most of Jungkook's predictions have come true: you two have settled in PM Village—a warm home with a wine cellar awaits you after a tiring day. You have also become so rich that you often have issues with Jung Hoseok, your country's tax agency commissioner. Thank fuck there are good lawyers out there to clear your tax cases.
You clearly have everything life can offer. If you want, you can divorce Jungkook now, but ten years later, you are still very much committed to your best friend.
*****
Present; 2023
You insist on telling Jungkook who your soulmate is. Admittedly, you can tell that Jungkook finds the whole storytelling unnecessary. You are married, but it's not as if you two are in love with each other or something. Nope. Jungkook only sees you as an annoying woman with whom he cohabitates.
"So, has Technology asked you on a date yet?" Jungkook asks without looking at you. He's busy filing his nails, acting as if shaping his nails into perfect ovals is more important than conversing with you.
"First of all, his name is Taehyung. Not Technology, you asshole. And no, he hasn't asked me out." You exhale. "I mean, not yet. It's not a big deal, honestly. We just met yesterday."
Translation: give my soulmate some time.
"Right." Jungkook mocks and yawns, finally glancing at you. "You know, if I meet my soulmate, I’ll immediately ask them out. I can’t waste time.”
"Oh, shut up." You roll your eyes. "We both know you just can't wait to sleep with them."
"He-He. You caught me~." Jungkook half-smiles before returning to the previous topic very smoothly, "So you're saying that if Techno—Taehyung asks you on a date, you'll say yes?"
"Will you mind if I do?" You sound nervous.
The sole purpose of this conversation is for you to test the waters with Jungkook. You both went on dates in the past after ensuring that the other was comfortable with the set-up. You are married, after all. It won't bode well with the both of you if cheating rumors erupt, especially in your respective workplaces.
Admittedly, it has been long since you two last went on dates. You were both busy with your jobs. Besides, isn't it exhausting getting to know strangers? Jungkook doesn't want to waste his breath on nosy people asking why he chose to be a detective, and you would rather ditch your date than deal with them bargaining for discounts once they find out you’re a prominent fashion designer.
Going out with strangers has become a nightmare instead of a fun way to meet your real soulmate. Because of this, you and Jungkook decided to just take each other out whenever you wanted. It's not exactly a romantic date. Sure, there's darling as a pet name, kisses under the moonlight, and wrestling who'll pay. But that's about it. You don't dare to do more.
Your partnership is of greater importance than sex and in-the-moment confessions. You don't want to regret it comes morning.
"Why would I mind?" Jungkook finally answers, feigning happiness. "I'll personally thank your soulmate for taking you out, honestly. I'm tired of you forcing me to take you out on dates. It's about time I meet new people, too."
"Right." You swallow your disappointment and the faint ache in your chest. "Who wants to go out with a shitty bastard like you, anyway? Go meet others! It's not like I care!"
Another fake smile blooms on Jungkook's face.
"Whatever you say."
*****
Kim Taehyung is the name of your soulmate, and the man Jungwon has been investigating for the past three days.
"Jungkook sunbaenim, here's all the information I can find about Kim Taehyung." Jungwon stifles a yawn as he approaches his mentor's table. He almost winces upon seeing Jungkook's monitor.
The older detective has many tabs on his computer, all related to Kim Taehyung.
"You're still investigating him?" Jungwon can't mask his surprise. "Jungkook sunbaenim, just what did Kim Taehyung do!?"
"He's a thief, Jungwon-ah." Jungkook accepts the files from his mentee without sparing him a glance
Jungwon dramatically gasps, his sleepiness fading away because of the scandalous information.
"Really? What did he steal?"
"A precious little thing." Jungkook is viewing Kim Taehyung's baby photos. No one knows how he found them. "Look, he's not that cute, right?"
Jungwon doesn't answer, lost in thought. What could Kim Taehyung have stolen? His Jungkook sunbaenim said a precious little thing. Could it be a diamond ring? Or...
"Tanzanite?" Jungwon shrieks. "Did he steal tanzanite, Jungkook sunbaenim!?"
"Huh?" Jungkook turns to his mentee with a furrowed brow. He suddenly remembers what he said to Jungwon, and being a good actor whose words consist of 10% truth and 90% lies, Jungkook can save himself by saying, "Yeah. He stole tanzanite —authorities said it was very expensive. Come, Jungwon-ah. Let's catch this thief."
****
You aren't lying when you say you won't divorce Jungkook because you 'met' your soulmate. No, your partnership is beyond colors. However, it also doesn't mean you’ll relinquish your connection with your soulmate.
The deal is this: You and Jungkook will stay together until you know your soulmates better. After that, you two can decide what to do next. In short, a simple meeting doesn't guarantee you would want to spend your entire life with your soulmates. You both have heard many stories before that not even real soulmates find romantic love with each other—some remain platonic soulmates, while others go as far as killing each other.
You and Taehyung's case seems to fall to the normal expectation of society: meet as strangers, get to know each other until you become friends, then fall in love and get married.
Unlike Jungkook pulling you in a reverse direction, Taehyung intends to drive you on the right path.
"Jungkook sunbaenim, aren't we breaking the protocol?" Jungwon covers his face with a newspaper, whispering softly in case the suspect hears him. They are currently inside a small coffee shop near Aurora Fashion Lane. Based on Jungwon's investigation, Kim Taehyung works as a designer for the company in the same building as this coffee shop. In fact, Taehyung is slowly becoming a regular customer here.
"Shouldn't we call for backup?"
Jungkook ignores the younger detective. He squints his eyes hard, focusing on the table near the counter. Jungwon discreetly looks in the direction Jungkook has his eyes on. A woman with a similar haircut as yours is sitting there.
"Jungkook sunbaenim, isn't that your wife—"
"Ssshh, Jungwon-ah. Shut up for a moment. I can't hear them." Jungkook regrets not choosing a table near you and your date. Damn it. You probably won't realize he's here—not when your attention is focused on stupid Technology!
"Stay here. I'll be back." The older detective stands up abruptly. Right. If he pretends to look at the menu before ordering something, he can hear whatever you and Taehyung are talking about:
"Exactly. They should've added another layer of lace. It pairs well with jacquard." Jungkook hears you say.
What the heck are they talking about? The detective muses.
"Ah, unfortunately, the customer hates laces. Apparently, her father made her wear laces that itch." Taehyung responds.
"Poor Elise. I understand why she prefers satin dresses."
Are they talking about work? Jungkook thinks to himself again. He only snaps back to reality when the cashier smiles, asking if he's ready to order.
Jungkook orders drinks for him and Jungwon before moving closer to the soulmates' table. You and Taehyung have stopped talking, though. Confused, Jungkook tilts his head to check what's happening, but someone seizes his wrist.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Jungkook hears a classic greeting, yet he still freezes. Only one person gets angry seeing him.
"Oh, hi, you~. I didn't see you there." The detective beams while prying his hand away from your iron-like grip. "What a coincidence!"
"Coincidence, my ass!" You grit your teeth, "Tell me the truth. Why are you here?"
Jungkook tongues the inside of his cheek, thinking of a way to translate, 'You were smiling through your phone yesterday while texting your stupid soulmate. I didn't want to invade your privacy, so I hacked his messages instead,' into something that won't ignite your anger.
In the end, Jungkook manages to simply say, "Why? Can't a detective have his coffee?"
"Jungkook." you utter sternly, "This coffee shop is an hour and a half from your workplace. You also don't drink coffee."
As if on cue, the barista says Jungkook's drinks are ready. The detective picks up his drink and sips it. "What was that? I can't hear you over my delicious caramel macchiato with whipped cream and seven pumps of caramel sauce, topped with small marshmallows, chocolate chips, and sprinkles!"
"For fuck's sake!" You let out a torrent of abuse, your face morphing into disgust. Seeing color intensifies your emotions. The colorful toppings in Jungkook's drink make you want to vomit. "Get your ass out of here, you tasteless bastard!"
Jungkook doesn't budge. He shoots you an innocent look, "Why are you shooing me away? Am I disturbing you and your date? Where is he, by the way?"
Taehyung went to the comfort room, but this was not the point. You hiss, "I'm not on a date. Taehyung and I are discussing work over coffee. How the heck did you even know we're here?"
Another question Jungkook doesn't have a ready answer. Fortunately for him, Taehyung is back. Your furious expression melts at once. Your fake personality makes Jungkook gag.
"Hey, should we head back?" Taehyung's voice is deep. This is the first thing Jungkook notices.
"Yeah, let's go." You smile at your soulmate.
Another thing Jungkook notices is how handsy Taehyung is. He touches the small of your back, leading you to the exit. Jungkook's expression darkens, and Jungwon, watching the whole exchange like a hawk, suddenly decides to act.
"Stop, you thief! Leave my mentor's wife alone!" Jungwon has the handcuffs ready. He's rushing in Taehyung's direction. Jungkook's eyes widen, only relying on his fast reflexes to stop his mentee.
He trips Jungwon, causing the younger detective to fall to the ground.
"Jungkook, you bastard--!!"
All hell breaks loose after that scream coming out of you.
****
'Disaster' is the only word to describe Jungkook's attempt to stalk his wife. He didn't plan for things to escalate to the level where he had to trip Jungwon to stop him from arresting an innocent citizen like Taehyung. You got so mad that the older detective had to apologize, making an excuse that they were detectives on a mission gone wrong. Jungkook remembers smiling apologetically at Taehyung, telling him to cut Jungwon some slack because he is a newbie detective.
You knew everything leaving Jungkook's mouth was bullshit, yet you played along with Jungkook's excuse. You clearly don’t want the issue to escalate further. Thankfully, Taehyung is an understanding man, telling Jungwon to be careful next time. You aren't as forgiving as your soulmate, though. You called Jungkook over the phone, yelling you'd kill him if he went home tonight.
Jungkook has no choice but to seek shelter at Namjoon’s house.
"Let me guess," Namjoon sighs upon seeing Jungkook at his doorstep. "You've angered your wife again, didn't you?"
"Namjoon-hyung! That's a mean guess. Can't I visit my friend?"
Namjoon remains expressionless. "You only go here whenever you and your wife fight. Your wife will think I betrayed her if I let you in."
Jungkook hmphed. "My wife already has beef with your soulmate and, by extension, with you too. So just let me in, will you?"
Namjoon releases a breath when Jungkook pushes the door open and rushes in. He is right, anyway. You have beef with his soulmate. Namjoon always receives texts from you complaining about Hoseok and how ruthless he is as a government employee.
"Would you like something to drink—" Namjoon cuts himself off upon seeing Jungkook helping himself with a bottle of soju.
The detective takes large gulps. He finishes half of the bottle in less than two minutes. Jungkook hiccups and clumsily wipes his mouth, "My wife found her soulmate. She can see colors now."
Namjoon stops in his tracks.
Jungkook laughs, mocking himself. "His eyes are purple, hyung."
"Jungkook..." Namjoon sounds apologetic.
"What's with your expression?" Jungkook’s lips twist. "You look sorry. Don't be. I'm—"
Happy for her? Jungkook shakes his head. It seems like that's not the case. Namjoon thinks so, too. He sits in front of the detective.
"You're what, Jungkook-ah?" The older man opens a beer bottle for himself, "What do you feel for your wife? What does she make you feel?"
Silence creeps into the room.
Jungkook's shoulders drop. Memories from the past play in his head as he closes his eyes.
Twenty-one years ago, 2002:
11-year-old Jungkook is freezing cold.
He is out in the snow, trying to take a sneak peek at children his age playing on the school grounds. Unlike him, the students are covered with expensive coats, mittens, and a hat. Jungkook's mother is a janitress at a private elementary school in Busan. Sadly, she can't afford to send her son to this school, so Jungkook can only watch the other kids in envy.
The children here have winter camps and activities to support their growth. Today, Jungkook watches as the students make mittens. Some children give the handmade gloves to their family, friends, or teachers.
Only one girl saves her mittens for a lone stranger.
"Here," Jungkook is taken aback when a girl his age suddenly approaches him. She’s shorter than Jungkook, but her determined eyes make people think she has much to offer.
"I said here!" Jungkook remains unmoving, so the girl pushes the mittens to his chest. "I can't see it yet, but my mum said the gloves are gray like my eyes! I made them myself."
The little girl looks proud; a huge grin is on her lips.
Jungkook blinks dumbly at her, "Why...." He takes in a deep breath, clutching the warm gloves to his chest. "Why are you giving me these gloves?"
The little girl looks confused; she even lets out a small huh. Jungkook thinks the girl didn't hear him, so he repeats his words.
You are that little girl. You shrug your shoulders. "Because I want to. You look cold. I don't want to see you cold."
"But," Jungkook's lips tremble. He is having a hard time accepting the gift. "I have nothing to trade you with."
"Who cares?" You sit beside him. "I don't want anything. I just want to be friends."
Present; 2023:
Until now, Jungkook has no idea why you wish to be friends with someone like him. Clearly, you were a world apart. It was winter then. Maybe it was a Winter miracle—if this is even a thing.
But Jungkook is sure of one thing:
"She makes me feel warm, Namjoon-hyung." The detective finally answers his friend's question earlier. "My wife makes me warm, loved, and hopeful."
****
You receive a text message from Namjoon asking you to pick up a hammered Jungkook.
"Hey, you're leaving already?" Taehyung sees you leaving the office.
You rub the back of your neck and smile softly at Taehyung, "Yes. I have to pick up my husband."
"Ah." Taehyung nods, "Jungkook, isn't it? The detective from earlier?"
"Mn. I'm really sorry about what happened."
"It's nothing," Taehyung assures. It will probably take him a long time to forget his encounter with those two strange detectives, but it's not so bad. They apologized and said it was an honest mistake. He motions toward the door, "You brought your car, right? Let’s go down together.”
“You’re going home too?”
“Not yet.” Taehyung opens the office door for his soulmate. “Just gonna get coffee.”
Taehyung’s obsession with caffeine doesn’t go unnoticed by you. Taehyung joined your team only this week but has probably gone to the coffee shop downstairs more than your team did.
You brush it off. It’s none of your business. What matters to you is what Jungkook drinks. After bidding Taehyung goodbye, you immediately rush to Namjoon’s house. He is absolutely right. Jungkook is wasted.
"Why did you let this asshole drink so much!?" You bare your teeth at Namjoon. "You know how he is, Namjoon! Did he even eat before chugging down soju? Soju! You made him drink soju!? Namjoon, you golden-eyed clumsy bastard! Your eye color looks like horse piss!"
You are getting creative with your insults now that you can see colors. Namjoon shakes his head. He likes you better when you still see in black and white; at least then, you don’t go around terrorizing people and their eye color.
"I'm sorry. He forced himself into my home." Namjoon throws Jungkook under the bus. He'd rather get a playfully upset Jungkook than a screaming girl like you.
You know better than to put all the blame on Namjoon, though. You know Jungkook drank himself stupid because he can't handle it when you are genuinely mad at him.
You swallow your fury, "You know what? Just…have a good night, Namjoon-oppa. I'm sorry for shouting and the trouble. I'll make it up to you some other time."
You drag Jungkook to your car.
The detective is no fun when drunk. He just passes out. You can't even get blackmail material out of this hell.
"Fucking finally." You cover your husband with a blanket after cleaning him up and changing his clothes into new ones.
"Bastard." You sneer but still end up softly kissing Jungkook's forehead.
Ah. The things you do for love.
****
Jungkook wakes up with a stomachache and a sweaty forehead. He dramatically whines, cradling his stomach like he has been shot there.
Thankfully, you show up at once. You are carrying a tray with a full meal.
"My stomach hurts." He complains, earning an eye roll from you.
"Of course it does. You fucking drank alcohol on an empty stomach. You also had that stupid drink at the coffee shop. Just what the hell are you thinking?"
You sit on the bed. You first brush your husband's fringe with your fingers, then cup his cheeks and casually wipe the side of his mouth.
"Here, eat something."
Jungkook doesn't need to tell you to feed him. You bring a spoonful of food to his mouth, gently urging him to eat.
The detective moans. Your food tastes like heaven, even better than those Michelin restaurants. "My wife is such a great cook. Thank you~~"
"Whatever. Just don't moan, bastard." You can feel your cheeks turning hot. You easily get flustered with compliments.
Jungkook suddenly wonders if Taehyung has said something to make you blush, too.
"Oi, Jungkook. Don't tell me you don't have an appetite anymore. You barely ate!"
It's not like the detective doesn't want to eat anymore. His mood only plummets when he thinks about your soulmate.
Jungkook utters your name softly and asks, "Are you happy?"
"What kind of question is that?" You scrunch your nose, but you still answer. "Of course I'm happy." I have you in my life.
"No. I mean, are you happy you can see colors now?"
"I'm happier." You are surprised at how quickly you answered. Maybe because it's never hard for you to tell the truth. But still...you don't want to sound insensitive. You know your husband has yet to see colors.
You try again, "I mean...seeing colors makes my job easier, and I’m not just saying this because I'm getting promoted soon." People in their world have a greater chance of success once they see colors.
"I guess I appreciate my job even more. It makes me feel alive, if you will. Things seem "livelier..."
You look into Jungkook's brown eyes. You can see them sparkling. For the first time in twenty-plus years you have known Jungkook, this is the only time you have seen how pink his lips are.
You can feel your heart thumping.
Looking at Jungkook with colors makes you feel "More." You whisper, "I feel things more with colors, Jungkook."
More love.
More joy.
And more clarity about what you really feel about your best friend.
"That's good, then." Jungkook rests his head on your shoulders. "I'm glad you're happy."
He really is. If he can go back to last night, Jungkook won't hesitate to tell Namjoon that, even though it hurts him, he's glad you met the one fated to you.
*****
Months pass, and things get even better for you. You got promoted twice and now handle one of your company's major customers. Your wallet gets fatter—so shouting at Namjoon to tell Hoseok to calm down doesn’t work anymore. Your free time is almost non-existent, though. It makes Jungkook sigh.
“Hey, Jungkook. You’re free to go.” Jungkook’s mood soars when his partner at work approaches him.
“Seokjin-hyung!” Jungkook’s jaw drops to the floor. “Did I hear you right? Are you seriously allowing me to get off work an hour earlier!?”
Seokjin is a hardworking detective who does not joke around since he knows his job affects the public's general welfare. Still, he also knows that you and Jungkook are celebrating your anniversary as a married couple for ten years.
“Just go, Jungkook-ah.” Seokjin pushes him. “Just leave before I change my mind. And for heaven’s sake, get your wife anything but flowers. No one wants to see you sneezing all day. Keep your snots away--!!”
Jungkook walks faster, not wanting to hear his work partner complain. So what if he sneezes all day? So what if he’s allergic to flowers? You love flowers, so he’ll get you bouquets.
Humming, Jungkook makes his way to the flower shop. The snowflakes fall lightly. It’s winter. Jungkook met you in the winter of 2002. You also got married in winter, the year 2013. Other people don’t like this season, especially Hoseok, who watched Namjoon suffer a fall accident because of slippery ground three years ago. Thank goodness Namjoon is okay now.
Jungkook buys flowers and your favorite wine. He’s almost home when a ghost from the past blocks his way.
“Oh, if it isn’t the beloved scoundrel of my bitch of a soulmate.”
Jungkook stiffens, eyes turning dark as he takes in the lone figure of his father.
“Jeon Sungmin.” Jungkook’s tone is scathing.
“The one and only.” Sungmin juts his chin. “Did you miss me, son?”
“Don’t call me that.” Jungkook clenches his fist. Unadulterated anger fills his heart. He’s trying hard not to punch this pathetic man. “In case you forgot, I still have a restraining order against you. I can even arrest you myself.”
Sungmin lets out a sardonic laugh. It’s loud—the kind of laughter that makes Jungkook’s skin itch. He can’t see colors but could’ve sworn he sees blood. Maybe he just wants to claim blood.
“Don’t act so tough on me, boy. In case you forgot, you just stood like a dumb bastard when I killed your bitch of a mom.”
“Stop.” Jungkook chokes, feeling a lump forming in his throat. He can’t breathe. Memories have come to haunt him.
“Scared, aren’t we?” Sungmin drags his limping feet to Jungkook. Twenty years in prison broke his body but not his soul. Even with only his tattered clothes and one functioning eye, Sungmin can still bring terror to his son.
“You should be. You’re nothing but a pathetic scourge.” Sungmin pulls Jungkook’s collar, slamming him into a cold wall. “Now be of use and give me money.”
Jungkook doesn’t move. His eyes droop, wanting to puke as he feels his father stealing his wallet. He hears screams inside his head, the pleas of his mother. Jungkook-ah, run. Please. You have to save yourself.
Jungkook remains rooted in his spot back then, just hollowly looking at the blood on the floor. He watched as Sungmin smashed the baseball bat into his mother’s head.
More screams. Sungmin didn’t stop the beating until the police officers came.
Twenty years later, Jungkook is still the same. He still can’t stand up for himself. He watches his father take his wine and wallet, leaving like nothing happened.
Jungkook doesn’t know how he manages to walk back home. He stays outside, ruined flowers in his lap. He cannot get in as his keys are inside his stolen wallet.
Jungkook could only wait for a purple-eyed girl whose eyes he thought were gray.
****
Like Jungkook, you get off work early as well. Your secretary runs after you, saying that you can’t leave yet. However, you dismissed the secretary and passed the work on to Yeonjun instead. You hate that you are not home yet. You are actually supposed to take the day off to plan your anniversary date with your husband better.
It’s your 10th anniversary, after all. You are thinking of cooking Jungkook’s favorite food and giving him a…body massage. Many things are running into your mind—you can’t wait to try them all with your husband. Too bad work is holding you back.
“Sunbaenim, what do you think about this color combination? Is the shade of blue too dark for this winter’s theme?” Yeji excitedly shows off her design.
You rub your neck roughly, stopping yourself from throwing profanities. Calm down. Yeji is a hardworking designer who only wants the best for the team.
“I’m thinking of using an aqua frost instead. One shoulder sleeve should do the trick if—”
Oh my God. ‘Someone, please kill me now.’ You scream internally.
“Yeji,” you press your lips into a thin line. “I actually can’t entertain you right now. Would you mind checking in with Taehyung instead?”
Yeji’s shoulders drop. “Ah, Taehyung-sunbaenim isn’t here at the moment.”
“What do you mean he’s not here?” You feel your head pulsating. “Where is he?”
Everyone is so busy. Taehyung can’t possibly skip work, right?
“He’s at the coffee shop downstairs.”
That son of a--!!
You stand up abruptly. Taehyung’s coffee break ended an hour ago! How can he still be at the coffee shop!? You are seething in anger. You know Taehyung is your soulmate, but you can’t just connect to him. The first few months are okay. However, you soon realize how incompatible you and Taehyung are. Your connection starts with colors, and it also ends there. Nothing more, nothing less.
“I’m going to call him.” You exit, ignoring Yeji’s call. Honestly, what you said is half lie and half-truth. You just really, really want to leave the office. It’s a pure happenstance to bump into Taehyung in the elevator.
“Hey.” He calls your name. Remnants of joy are still visible on Taehyung’s face. Two coffee holders are in his hands—he got the whole team some drinks. “I got coffee. Where’re you going?”
“Home.” You press the elevator button. “It’s my husband and I’s anniversary.”
“Ah.” Taehyung nods in understanding. He never once shows any sign of disappointment over his soulmate spending time with another person. “Didn’t you say Detective Jeon likes eating sweets? Jimin-hyung baked a chocolate cake today. Will you accept it as my anniversary gift for you two?”
You pause. It’s like your brain short-circuits upon noticing Taehyung’s expression when he utters Jimin’s name.
Jimin—the barista and baker at the coffee shop where Taehyung frequents.
“Taehyung,” your heart stutters. “D-Do you remember your first day in the office?”
“Of course.” Taehyung offers a small smile. “It’s hard to forget that day, don’t you think? We both saw colors for the first time.”
You blink at him, not saying anything.
Taehyung avoids eye contact, thinking he’s not smart enough to understand what you implied. He tries to remember every detail of that day.
“I think I came to the office ten minutes earlier. I got everyone coffee. Come to think of it, Jimin-hyung actually saved me that day. He knows everyone’s order—Hey, are you alright?”
“You…” You gasp. “You met with Jimin before seeing me at the office, right?”
“Yes?” Taehyung’s hands are getting clammy for grasping the coffee holders. It doesn’t help that you are acting weird, making him more anxious.
“Taehyung, I think there’s been a glitch.”
Yeji goes after you a few minutes later. Both of you and Jimin are taking too long. Luckily, she instantly spots you at the elevator door. You look agitated, while Taehyung seems dumbfounded.
“Sunbaenim!” Yeji tries to stop you two, but you and Taehyung have already gotten inside the lift.
“Yeji, there you are.” Taehyung passes the coffee holders to Yeji. “Drink this with the others. We’ll be taking another break. See you later.”
“Wait—!!”
The elevator door closes.
Yeji whines, “I still have to show you my designs….”
****
You rush home, excited to see your husband. However, your excitement quickly turns into horror when you spot Jungkook sitting on your porch.
“Jungkook!?” Your eyes dilate. Jungkook is staring into nothingness. You are familiar with this kind of expression, the kind where you are forced to swallow your insults because you know.
You know something terrible happened to your husband.
You quickly open the door and pull Jungkook to his feet. The detective is still unresponsive, letting you drag him into the bathroom. You did all the work; you immediately opened the heater and got warm clothes.
“Kook,” you call softly, cradling Jungkook’s hands to blow on them. “ Can you lift your arms for me? Let’s get you changed, alright?”
Jungkook doesn’t answer but does what he’s told. You are shaking as you help your husband change. You want to give the detective warm water and candies, but Jungkook still looks shaken. You can only gently drag him to bed. You lay down beside Jungkook, hugging him close to your chest.
You didn’t ask any questions, allowing Jungkook to breathe first.
“I--” Jungkook hiccups, sounding broken. He weakly grips the hem of your shirt.
“I’m here, Darling.” You kiss your husband’s forehead. You hug him even tighter, wishing to melt your body and bones and offer all your warmth and love to Jungkook.
Jungkook calls your name, his voice almost sounding like a wounded animal.
You caress your partner’s cheeks. They’re wet. It takes everything in you to pick up the pieces of your broken heart. No. You can’t fall apart now. Jungkook needs you.
“Mn. I’m here. You can tell me what you want.”
“N-No.” Jungkook whimpers, “I don’t want anything. I—I don’t deserve anything.”
“Jungkook.” You break the hug and force Jungkook to sit up on the bed. He’s warm enough. He’ll live.
The detective cast his gaze down, though—an indication he doesn’t want to hear whatever you have to say.
It pisses you off.
“Jungkook. Look at me.” You demand sternly. But Jungkook shakes his head.
“No, you’re mad at me.”
“Heck yeah, I’m mad. I’m so mad I can punch your face right now.” You have been patient with him, believing he’s vulnerable and in need of space. But your heart is only soft for a sad Jungkook, not for a Jungkook who blabs stupid things.
Jungkook balls his hands into fists, “You don’t understand. It’s so noisy in here.” He points at his head, “They won’t shut up. I’m—he….”
Jungkook gasps for air. You panic. You rub Jungkook’s back.
“Jungkook,” the saddest thing in this world is not seeing colors; it’s watching your beloved deal with the pain while you sit there pathetically, unable to take even a fraction of his hurt.
What good is a soulmate when all it can bring is color? Why can’t you take away Jungkook’s pain?
“He’s back, my father is out of jail.” Jungkook grips the bedsheet, “He’s come back for me. He hurt her before. He always takes away the people I love.”
Trauma is a part of Jungkook; napping silently and with one wrong shake, it’ll wake up and wreak havoc.
“You should run. Leave me. I don’t have a use to you, anyway—”
“Hush,” you can’t bear to listen anymore. You pull Jungkook to your chest, but the detective struggles.
“Please. You have to listen to me! Just leave! We’re not soulmates. I don’t understand why you’re still here!" Jungkook pushes your chest, but you catch his hands, burying Jungkook’s face into your neck.
“Oh, ma moitié.” The French endearment sounds easy coming out of your mouth. Jungkook melts at once. He sobs against your skin.
Ma moitié translates to my other half.
Jungkook wants to curse this unfair world. That’s right. How can you and him not be each other’s other half? It’s difficult to fight for you when fate is against you two. Sometimes Jungkook feels like no one has the right to tear you apart, mainly because you two paint each other's life—not with colors but with love. You and Jungkook are soulmates by heart. Many people call you twin black. The monochromatic world doesn't rob the two of you of happiness, love, and care. It takes one Jeon Jungkook to know that you like drinking cold water, not just 'cold water.' It has to be a certain degree of coldness:
If the water sits in the refrigerator for two hours, that's not cold enough. If it's water coming from a semi-solid ice cube, then that's too cold.
You are fussy, but you give your effort to Jungkook similarly. Whenever you pick Jungkook up from work, you never fail to put your expensive leather jacket on the passenger seat, so Jungkook wouldn't have to deal with a burning hot seat. You don’t mind being stuck in the traffic and driving for hours to pick him up at work every day.
“Why can’t you be mine?” Jungkook doesn’t have the energy to push you away. His hatred is directed toward fate, himself, and his deranged father. Why are they against you and him being together?
“But I’m already yours, Kook.” You lick Jungkook’s tears and kiss his eyes. “Everything about me belongs to you. This,”
You guide Jungkook’s hands to your eyes, lips, and neck, then lower Jungkook’s hands to your heart. You let the detective feel your beating heart.
“You hear that, Kook?” Your eyes well up with tears. “That’s my heart telling you something.”
Goosebumps prick at Jungkook’s skin.
You do not break eye contact. “I love you, Jungkook.”
You have said those words countless times before, but it doesn’t fail to take Jungkook’s breath away—especially now that the I love you is said so softly…so romantically.
“You’re my soulmate, Jungkook.”
Jungkook flinches, shaking his head rapidly.
“T-That can’t be. You…you see colors. I don’t. We’re—we’re….”
Why are you lying? Why are you giving Jungkook false hope? It’s cruel.
But you are insistent.
“Jungkook,” you kiss him. “Stop thinking for a while, yeah? Focus on me. Focus on my heart. I love you.”
“I love you too,” Jungkook answers against your lips. He never responded before, simply allowing and relishing the taste of your sweet lips.
“I love you so much,” Jungkook repeats, groaning and biting your lips until it draws blood. Jungkook had never allowed himself to possess before, scared that he would end up ruining what he loved. But today is different. You are addicting. Claiming he loves you gives him so much power--
He pushes you to bed, pressing himself on top of you.
Jungkook kisses you. “I love you. I love you. I really, really love you.”
--so much happiness.
“I love you.”
--so much color.
Jungkook stops kissing you; his head spins.
--so much color.
Color.
The monochromatic world is slowly changing.
Color.
More colors.
Jungkook’s eyes grow wide.
He looks at you under him.
He gasps and calls your name. Your name sounds like a prayer coming out of Jungkook’s mouth.
“Your eyes…they’re purple.”
You chuckle under him. You wipe Jungkook’s tears.
“Took you long enough to realize, Kook.”
Jungkook laughs hysterically. He stares into your eyes again, ensuring he’s not dreaming or going crazing.
Your eyes are really purple—not gray.
At this very moment, Jungkook realizes something: out of all the suicide methods in history, Jungkook thinks that if he were to try one, it still wouldn’t work because seeing the purple in your eyes will bring him back to life.
Really. No amount of oxygen can compare to the image of you lying on your bed, purple eyes glistening as you whisper sweet nothings to your soulmate. With that, Jungkook feels he can finally breathe.
****
Meanwhile, on Aurora Fashion Lane, Taehyung runs toward the coffee shop. The conversation he had with you at the elevator rings inside his mind.
There has been a glitch.
That’s right. Taehyung remembers that day like the back of his hand.
It’s 6:23am. He went to a coffee shop looking so composed, but he’s actually very nervous. However, the presence of the barista calms him down.
“You’re new here, aren’t you?” Jimin, the barista, asks. A soft smile adores his pretty face.
Taehyung feels his heart skipping a beat. He licks his lips, “You can tell?”
“You smell different.”
“Really.” Taehyung feels blood rushing to his face.
Jimin laughs. “Don’t be conscious. I said you smell different, not bad. I can tell because I’m blind. My other senses are heightened because of it.”
“Ah.” Taehyung is fascinated. Jimin prepares coffee like a pro. He won’t know Jimin can’t see if he didn’t say it.
“This one is for your head designer; she likes her coffee with some liquor. I sneak some little candies onto her tray so she can bring them home to Detective Jeon, her husband.” Jimin pushes a coffee cup to Taehyung.
“This one is for Yeji. She prefers iced coffee even when it’s freezing cold. This one is for Ji-Eun. She likes tea and not coffee. Yeonjun never changes his order. It’s always two shots of espresso. Jake drinks anything, as long as it’s not too bitter. And this,”
Jimin smiles, “Is for you. A bulgogi sandwich and iced latte. The sandwich is not spicy, so you don’t need to worry. Have a good day.”
Taehyung feels like floating in the air when he goes to work. He first sees you at the door, looking so pensive early in the morning.
You are thinking about your husband. His birthday is coming soon. You want to give him something precious.
A wristwatch? Nah. That’s too simple.
A perfume? Nope. You prefer it when he smells like you.
What about a picnic date near the sea? You can arrange for a firework display and…
Confess.
You flinch at your own thought.
Confess.
You want to confess to Jungkook because---
--you love him.
“Good morning.” Taehyung greets.
You are startled. You snap your head up to meet Taehyung’s face.
All of a sudden, a splash of colors welcomes you.
You see colors, and so does Taehyung.
“So yeah, I think there’s been a glitch.” Taehyung tries to explain to an expressionless Jimin. He swallows when the barista doesn’t answer.
Taehyung releases a deep sigh. Right. He probably sounds crazy right now. It’s not cool to suddenly barge at someone’s work and announce that you think the barista is your soulmate.
Taehyung scolds himself. He’s about to apologize and tell Jimin to ignore what he said when—
“I know,” Jimin responds.
Taehyung blinks up at him dumbly.
Jimin’s lips twist, “Didn’t I tell you I’m blind?”
What’s his blindness got to do with anything? Taehyung still likes him.
“Taehyung, I’m blind.” He repeats. “I’ve been blind since I was born. When I dream, I don’t dream visually, but.”
There’s a sudden pause. Jimin looks lost in thought.
He continues after a while, “The night before I met you, I dreamt of you. I saw a man who told me I was his soulmate. You two have the same voice, and here…” Jimin brings out his sketch pad and finally shows it to Taehyung.
“I draw the face of the man in my dream. Does it look like you?”
Taehyung gasps dramatically because, my gosh. Jimin has perfectly drawn his face!
“This is really me…I’m your soulmate, Jimin.” Taehyung stutters a breath. His heart beats fast.
Jimin chuckles softly, and then he touches Taehyung’s eyes. “Yes, you told me in my dream, too. I’m just waiting for you to realize it in real life.”
The thing about soulmates is it’s complex. Researchers even claim there are different universes, all of which have the concept of soulmates. Some hear the thoughts of their soulmates in their heads. Some are immortals and will only die if they do the act with their soulmates. And then comes their world, a monochromatic place where you’ll see colors once you look at your soulmate’s eyes.
But it’s not that simple. Sometimes, you have to free yourself from your own judgment first. Sometimes, you must be honest first; sometimes, you just have to wait.
****
Accept this fic while I take my time writing my ongoing JJK series here.
This is originally a soukoku fic I've written before. If you prefer that version, click here. I've converted it into a JJK x reader because it was requested by an anon here. If there are obvious mistakes in pronouns and such, please tell me because as said, this is originally a fic for a different fandom and it used to be a mxm pairing. I may have missed some thing while editing it.
I've written the same concept of soulmate ft. JJK years ago. It's a series which you can read here.
I appreciate comments the most! If you have suggestions about addtional tw, please don't hesitate to message me. Thank you ~~
#jungkook fluff#jungkook angst#jungkook x reader#ficswithluv#jungkook x you#bts fic#jungkook x oc#jungkook fanfic#jungkook x yn#jungkook roommate au#jungkook established relationship#soft boy jungkook#detective
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The shadows sing
Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7
It was so dark, you couldn’t see anything. You stopped in the middle of the woods, but you had no idea what woods these were.
You could feel them coming closer, could hear their wings flapping.
The remaining parts of your wings were dragging against the ground as you tried to run.
“Please, make them go away,” you whispered a prayer. To whom, you didn’t know, but you just needed them to leave.
You heard them coming closer and closer and you tried to run faster. But it didn’t work. You were exhausted and hurt. After being on the run for the last three days, where you have been hunted the last 5 hours, you couldn’t move faster.
“We’ve got you now,” you heard the voice of one of your hunters, Adrian. “You can’t get away.”
“Please, make them go away,” you repeated a little louder this time. You got no response.
You felt Adrian’s arms grab your wings, and soon he had picked you up from the ground. You let out a scream at the harsh treatment.
“If you’re so attached to your wings, why don’t you use them?” Adrian taunted you. He knew your wings didn’t work, he was responsible for the damage.
You were now about five meters above the forest floor and he let you go.
Instinctively, you tried to flap your wings, but the pain ripped through your body as you hit the ground.
You woke and had to fight to catch your breath. Even though you were used to reliving the worst day of your life, it still didn’t get any less scary.
“Late, Master Raven waits,” your shadows whispered to you.
“Shit,” you said and jumped out of bed.
You dragged on the clothes that were the closest to you. As you hurriedly strapped your knife onto your leg, your shadows surrounded you.
“Cold outside,” your shadows argued.
“I really don’t have time for this,” you told them with a sigh.
They didn’t listen and soon you wore a scarf, a hat and also your old winter cloak. It was full of holes, but it still kept you somewhat warm.
You sprinted out the front door of your small cabin, the snow under your feet was crunching and as soon as your shadows told you the coast was clear, you shadow walked.
You were careful to stop a safe distance away from the meeting place, so that nobody would see you. Your shadows protested as you hid them and ran towards the meeting.
You felt Master Raven’s disappointed stare long before you actually saw his eyes.
You stopped at the end of the line, all 19 of your “colleagues” in front of you. You tried to hide, but failed miserably.
“You’re late,” Master Raven said with his dark intimidating voice. He walked towards you with The Raven, your team’s actual master, placed at his usual place, Master Raven’s shoulder. “I didn’t get you a functional foot, just so that you could show up late.”
You looked down on your left leg. From the middle of your calf and down you had a metal prothesis. It was a little rusty, but you had a functional leg and ankle, so you were grateful. You would have been dead decades ago without it.
You quickly moved your cloak so that it hid your leg.
“I’m sorry, Master Raven,” you said, your head still looking down. “It won’t happen agai-”
“The Raven and I have decided on a fitting punishment for your laziness,” Master Raven interrupted you. “You’ll fight the twins, if you win you’ll get the 20/80 agreement the next month, however, if you lose, you’ll get 10/90, understood?”
You looked over at the twins, or Sole and Sherry which was their names. You saw their smug smiles and sparkling eyes. You swallowed. They wouldn’t give you an easy win.
You had always been smaller than the rest of the people in the team, so it didn’t really help that the twins were the two tallest ones. They originated from Day, but they looked scarier than most people from Day.
“Understood?” Master Raven repeated and stepped closer to you.
“Yes, understood,” you replied.
This is going to be a long month.
You stumbled back into your cabin hours later.
You yielded after an hour long battle. Your nose was bleeding and so was your forehead. Your ribs hurt and you limped a little more than usual on your prothetic leg.
Your shadows got loose as soon as you closed the door. They swirled around you in such a manner that almost made you fall over.
“Careful,” you hissed at them.
“You aren’t careful, we aren’t careful,” they answered. They were annoyed at you for getting hurt again. They wanted to protect you, but you never let them.
They pulled you towards the kitchen table and sat you down.
You always left a few shadows at home when you left. You wanted them to protect your cabin, but today had obviously been a calm day, since they had made you food.
It was a simple bowl of oats and water with some different kinds of seeds. It was your usual breakfast.
“Thanks,” you told them and started eating.
You waited a few hours before you picked up the paper from Master Raven. Your wounds from earlier had mostly healed, so you were ready to go get beat up once more.
Master Raven got customers that paid him to kill different kinds of animals.
Sometimes it was to get a specific type of animal, because the customers were throwing a big party and wanted a feast.
Other times, the customers had been hurt or something they owned got damaged by the animals and they therefore wanted them dead.
“Two nagas escaped after destroying a garden in Day,” you read out loud so that your shadows also would know what you’d be doing this week.
“No more nagas,” the shadows almost yelled at you.
“It would get me the most money,” you argued. “300 each. I’ll only get 10% this month. I either have to work around the clock to take all of the small ones or spend longer time to get one of the bigger ones.”
“Too dangerous,” they answered. “Remember last time!”
You thought back to one of your first tries at killing from Master Raven’s list. You had gone big, trying to prove yourself worthy of the team’s time and training.
You ended with a missing piece of your leg.
“I don’t really have a choice,” you replied with a sigh. “We never know when we’ll get some as good paying customers.”
You walked out of your cabin and deeper into the forest.
“Clear,” your shadows whispered.
You shadow-walked to the nagas favorite spot, not far from the river.
However, both you and your shadows failed to notice the Illyrian that sat in the trees, hiding in his own shadows.
#acotar#azriel#azriel fanfic#azriel x reader#azriel x y/n#azriel x you#azriel shadowsinger#Azriel x shadowsinger!reader
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Hi, hello, big fan of your game, Slay The Princess.
I'm sorry to bother your amazing dev team, I don't mean to be rude, so feel free to ignore this message.
But I've played STP on Playstation 4, and I'm suffering massive lag problems that I think shouldn't exist.
I'm sure the problem has already been notified by other users, but I wanted to bring it up again on your blog if you are willing to listen.
The lag problems basically affect every single aspect of the game, from saving and loading to just navigating the main menu; scrolling through the dialogue options is a chore that requires weird back and forth gymnastics from my controller, in order to reach the bottom I have to calculate my inputs hoping that the game would register them.
The game is especially a nightmare in The Nightmare route, where I guess the Princess' animations creates so much lag that, at a certain point, the game stops responding (you can tell because you can't hear Heart Lungs Livers Nerves in the background anymore). In order to complete this path, I had to close and reopen the game multiple times (since apparently, the game runs better once you just start it), consume as soon as possible all the dialogue options first available until I reached the bottom options (I couldn't scroll down through them, because the game would freeze before it'd load my inputs), and once I reached the "Leave with her" opinion, I'd click it before it was too late (I didn't bother with the other option for fear that it lead to a third chapter that continued the lag).
The game froze some more times on our way out of the cabin, and I had to reload it over and over again and skip some dialogues, to maximise the game's ability to run. It even crashed once I went out of the cabin with the princess, though thankfully, it wasn't a repeated problem, and in the end, after 10 startups, I was able to complete the Nightmare route.
Despite, all the lag issues, I still really enjoyed your game!
I actually liked it even more than Hades, another famous Indie Game that I've been playing these last couple of weeks, which is a lot I can say about a game that I was basically forced to close due to freezing during it's final "Boss Fight" (yep, the game froze once again during the Shifting Mound section, during, you guessed it! The Nightmare part of the confrontation).
I hope these issues could be fixed, but I also hope you are enjoying your game's success regardless of everything I just said, you really deserve it.
Have a nice day!
Oh, also:
Hi! We've started receiving reports on this recently, so I'm guessing this might come from issues wrt the latest console update. I've passed this along to our console publisher and porting team, but in the meantime, you can probably address those issues in the short-term by turning off first flickering images and then, if the issues persist, the boil effect in your preferences.
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JAILED PART 2 — toxic!rafe x fem reader
summary: part one here — rafe gets out of jail the next morning after his dad bailed him out, and he is forced to apologize to you.
warnings: none in this one! rafe is much less toxic than in part 1.
after spending a few hours in jail, rafe’s dad bails him out after signing tons of paper work and hours of talking to the officers.
: ̗̀➛ 𝓶𝔂 𝓶𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽 ⋆.ೃ࿔*:・
“come on, cameron. you’re free to go” an officer begins opening the cell, watching as rafe grabbed his stuff and walked out. he greeted his dad at the end of the hallway, who looked less than amused.
“hey dad” rafe says, but ward didn’t have a response. the disappointment look on his face said it all. “really? nothing?” rafe asks as the pair begin heading out of the building and into ward’s car.
“rafe, it’s 6am. do you really think i wanna be here right now?” ward replies, swinging open his car door and angrily shutting it after he got in. rafe got in the passenger side. “i’m sorry” rafe says in a non-meaningful way, but at least he said it. “don’t say sorry to me, say it to y/n.” ward tells him, turning the engine on and driving away.
“y/n? is she at the house?” rafe asks, looking at his dad who isn’t looking back at him. “yeah, she’s at the house. she came in last night crying her eyes out because of you” ward says, taking a quick glance at his son. rafe doesn’t respond, he just looks down in his lap to rethink about what he did, and how he made you feel.
“huh, you gonna say sorry to her?” ward asks, almost in a demanding way in which rafe doesn’t have a choice. “yes, dad” he nods. “good. she’s staying in your room, so don’t go in there until she’s awake.” ward tells him, making him frown.
“but it’s my room..?”
“don’t go in there until she’s awake. you hear me?” ward repeats, not owing his son an explanation. “fine” rafe rolls his eyes, finally agreeing.
“she’s a good girl, rafe, what the fuck are you doing?” ward asks, needing to know the reason as to why his son is abusive towards the girl he loves, the girl who cherishes him.
“i don’t know, dad, alright? we just had too much to drink.” rafe blames it on the alcohol, but he’s just as much the same when he’s sober. “so you got in your car and proceeded to drive with her shit scared in your passenger seat? begging you to stop?” ward argues.
rafe sighs loudly and rolls his eyes, not knowing what to say now. “you could’ve killed her, and yourself!” ward continues to argue, wanting to know why his son is the way he is. “yeah, i know!” rafe argues back. it’s done now, it’s in the past you could’ve died, but you didn’t.
the rest of the drive home was silent. neither of them wanted to speak to each other, nor about the situation to avoid more arguments. when they finally got back to tannyhill, it was around 6:30 am, rafe got out and slammed the car door moodily.
“hey, watch it.” ward scolds him, pointing a finger at him as they both walk into the house. rafe avoids his bedroom with you in it, walking past it to get to the guest room. he didn’t get any sleep all night, so he decided to have a nap.
when he woke up, it was almost 10 am. he got out of bed and left the guest room, checking if his bedroom door was open yet. and to his surprise, it was. he peeked into the room, only seeing you nowhere. moments later, he hears the sound of your voice coming from downstairs.
he makes his way down the stairs, where your voice gets closer and closer. finally, he spots you in the living room, sitting on the couch with his sister, sarah. you were really close to sarah, so obviously you’d already told her what happened last night. when you both saw rafe come into the room, your mouths fell silent. sarah’s eyes darted at rafe, giving him a look of disgust.
“hey y/n” he says, “can i talk to you?” he asks, eyeing his sister to get her to leave. “whatever you have to say to her, i wanna listen” sarah says, not moving from her seat. “no, get out” rafe bickers with her.
“no, i wanna listen too.” ward’s voice suddenly says as he walks in from the kitchen. rafe rolls his eyes at the fact his dad and sister wanted to hear his apology for themselves. he accepts that they aren’t going to leave, and he sits down next to you.
“y/n, i’m sorry” he says, more sympathetic than he was with his dad in the car. you didn’t know what to say, because it certainly wasn’t ok, but you still loved him regardless. “i didn’t mean to scare you like that, or hurt you…” he went on. after a little, sarah and ward could see he meant his words, and they didn’t need to be there anymore. they both got up and walked out, leaving you to be alone with rafe so you could talk it out.
“i know…” you respond quietly, looking down at your lap and fidgeting with your hands. “no, hey, i really mean it. i love you, i didn’t mean to act like that…” rafe grabs your hands, holding them which made you look up into his eyes. “i love you.” he says again.
“i love you too, rafe. i just wish you would’ve said sorry before you got arrested and spent the night in jail. i stayed up for most of the night feeling guilty.” you huff, knowing you shouldn’t feel guilty but you were unsure if you made the situation worse or not.
“don’t feel guilty, baby. none of it was your fault” he tells you, which calms your mind a little. “i didn’t mean to make you mad at the beach, it’s just, i—” you begin to explain, but he cuts you off. “no, no, shh. i shouldn’t have gotten angry at you, it was my fault.” he says, his hands still holding yours and rubbing them softly.
“i’m sorry baby, do you forgive me?” he asks, watching as you struggle to find the right words to say. “…yes, i forgive you. just, don’t do that shit again. you really scared me” you sigh, tearing up just thinking about the whole situation.
“hey, i know. shh, come here” he comforts you, pulling you into a hug. you rest your head on his shoulder, side hugging him back. after a few moments of silence and just hugging each other, ward walks back into the room to see how it went.
“everything ok in here?” he asks, seeing rafe nod in response. though he isn’t looking for rafe’s answer, he wanted yours. you look up at him, sniffling and wiping your tears away. “yeah” you tell him, he watches as rafe rubs your back to comfort you.
ward nods, seeing as you put your head down to look into your lap, he looks at his son with daggers to remind him to behave. you dread to think what he would do if rafe did something mean to you again.
THIS WAS SHORT. but as requested, here’s part 2! rafe is much less toxic in this one, obviously:) hope you guys enjoy! <3
@cameronluvr
#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron#rafe x reader#toxic!rafe#toxic!rafe cameron#dark!rafe#dark!rafe cameron
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YOUR FAVORITE ANON HERE
I've been thinking of the recently released pap pics and the circulation they are making from DM to E! News to People Magazine and every gossip site in between. And I have THOUGHTS...
First thing to remember: Nicola has always told us to pay attention and listen to the story SHE IS TELLING YOU and not the one you read on gossip sites.
Back in August, Nicola attended the music festival on Sunday, August 18th. We did not see any papped pics of her and JD until one week later on Sunday, August 25th when the Irish Sun published an online article. I believe that the pap company may have reached out to try and sell the pics to Nic's team first and and when they would not pay the (typically) exorbitant fee, they may have negotiated for the company to not allow them to be released until 8/25. This was the day before the Kate Spade release which would help bury the pictures. It also gave Nic an opportunity on Thursday, August 22nd to update her insta grid with the "it's all yours" post for Luke. This is a subtle nod to fans that HER STORY includes Luke.
Here we are now. I am of the belief that these pictures were taken in late September (pre-NYC). I think someone may have been following Nic and JD with an agenda to obtain these pictures for nefarious reasons. The photos were taken and were held for a "rainy day." It is important to note there is an entire faction of the "fandom" actively rooting against Nicola and Luke and going to extreme lengths to collect evidence for this Nicola and JD narrative. On Wednesday, October 16th, Nicola's TIME article was released online and included an entire paragraph about Luke including a line about people wanting them to get married. This took the internet by storm and I can only assume angered those with the opposing narrative. So they have the photos released. Again, I'm sure the photos were attempted to be shopped to her team and they once again declined with the caveat of one week til release. The next four days include a media blitz on the internet. Interviews and clips from the S3 World Tour are re-released along with never been seen footage. Interviewers were conversing with fans about the chemistry and love between Nicola and Luke. This all culminated on Monday, October 21st when Nicola surprised everyone with a selfie of her and Luke. I do NOT believe this was the "S4 Polin Selfie" - this was purely just a spur of the moment selfie between two people in love. And I believe this was a repeat of her "it's all yours" situation from August and she was telling everyone that HER STORY IS LUKE. Tuesday, October 22nd ends with Nicola posting a random story about a "paper moon" which can also be used to describe a fake relationship or situation - an ominous warning to all fans involved.
Once the pictures were dropped by Deuxmoi on Wednesday, October 23rd, tags on Nicola's instagram were actively being deleted. The night ended with 10 pictures from the pap drop remaining in her tagged section and more of them were deleted the following day. By end of the day on Thursday 10/24, the "date night" pics were spread to all the major gossip sites including E! News, Entertainment Tonight, and People Magazine. All of these sources cited the pictures as being taken on different dates: Monday 10/22, Tuesday 10/23, the week of 10/15 - the true mark of a sketchy situation.
I want to end this by acknowledging that I know the fandom is frustrated and upset but I think it's important to not feel "duped" by Nicola. I do not believe she was involved in what occurred with these pictures. She was purely walking home with her FRIEND and they may have been a little closer but I think that can be chalked up to him helping her and covering her through the scary situation - imagine if you were walking home one night and got ambushed by cameras on a side street! Her team did work on the front end with the media push of the old clips and she posted a pic with Luke for everyone. At this point, they're just letting her name be out there and living up to the old adage of "no press is bad press." I PROMISE YOU that this is not a PR situation that they will not be able to get out of. There will be a plan in place and she will get through this.
And from this point on, it IS important to remember the following: PAY ATTENTION TO THE STORY NICOLA IS TELLING YOU AND NOT THE STORY THAT DEUXMOI AND THE GOSSIP SITES ARE TELLING YOU. And if you feel the need to spiral, it might be time to take some time off away from social media because none of this affects any of us personally. We just want Nicola and Luke to be happy and healthy!
My favorite anon never misses.
Make you sure you all study this.
I WILL be testing you on this later.
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