#so i have to hunt down the Best of the crop and then ordering online you can end up with giant stuff like this

[lemontartca]

this is why i buy dolls in person unless i'm already planning to customize them

[bangrychannie]

Stray Kids Fic Recs

Hello! Recently I have become a stray kids fan and have fallen into a rabbit hole of fanfiction. Various pairings bc I don't care what the pair is just that it's stray kids related lmao. Added a line break bc there's a lot. Also feel free to rec me skz fics please bc I'm always reading

the book of us; electricity: (Seungjin | 10/10 | 84,966 | teen and up)

HJ @hyunfortunately 5h ;-; i was at the store and this song was playing over the speakers and i tried to remember some lyrics so i could search it up later but i can’t find it this is TRAGIC HJ @hyunfortunately 5h it was in korean and it’s kind of got rock-pop-balladish vibes and the first line of it was “neoneun neo neoneun na” if anyone knows it PLEASE tell me Seungmin doesn’t like to interact with other people on Twitter, but the questions seems almost aimed to him. He hits reply and types, “Try Hi Hello by Day6.” [Seungmin falls for Hyunjin from 2000 miles away. He expected that it would be inconvenient. He didn't expect quite how much Hyunjin would change his life.]

Genuinely one of the best fics I've ever read. It reads like a love letter to high school in the best way possible.

so this is what love is by dwaekinz: (Seungjin | 4/4 | 43,743 | teen and up)

seungmong_22 Hi, Hyunjin! My name is Seungmin. I'm Felix's friend, I hope he's mentioned me before…? Ha. We met online two years ago. I know it's unexpected But I kind of need your help hyuntothejin Me??? After 2 years of online friendship, Seungmin has finally found the time and saved up enough money to visit Felix for his birthday. In order for the surprise to work, he recruits the help of Felix's brother, Hyunjin, and together they spend the next three months forging a plan as well as a friendship of their own— or maybe something more.

So cute and fluffy no notes

Endgame by Raesan (Minsung | 9/9 | 150,840 | Explicit)

Jisung didn’t mean to procrastinate, but he didn’t think that all the clubs would be full in just a week. He sighed, seeing that only one club still had availability. Too bad he didn’t know shit about chess. Or what happens when Jisung, captain of the college soccer team, meets Minho, the number 2 ranked chess player in the country.

This fic is genuinely SO GOOD lol I think about it every day

reply hazy, try again by mrehk (BinChan | 1/1 | 14,951 | Explicit)

Changbin’s calculus tutor is Bang Chan. Smile wide, eyes shining, curly hair wild around his head. He’s got his backpack slung over one arm, those fuck ass chino shorts with a five inch inseam that make Changbin’s mouth water— and, goddamn, he’s wearing a fucking cropped t-shirt. Jisung and Seungmin are going to string Changbin up and have their way with public humiliation when they hear about this. (OR: solving for the derivative of l+o+v+e)

Funny and cute, I love idiots in love and that's what this is

Also mrehk is a fantastic writer so if you like this fic there's way more where that came from

i will protect you (gothic font) by mrehk (Minsung | 1/1 | 16,661 | Explicit)

Seungmin ignores him, smacking the folder onto the desk, flipping it open without looking, sliding it across the surface towards Minho. “It doesn’t matter. This was in the lease. You signed, right—” he taps the bottom corner, Minho’s initials perfectly legible. “Here.” “Excuse me?” Minho leans forward. “Paragraph nineteen subsection C,” Seungmin says, not even looking down as he recites the document word for word. “Lease is not voidable in the case of suspected paranormal activity.” He pounds his finger on the period. Minho laughs. A short, barked thing, completely disbelieving. “You’re kidding me.” “I’m really not,” Seungmin’s face pinches up into the sort of fake, squinted smile someone gives when they’re being an asshole. No remorse. (OR: Minho has ghosts, Jisung hunts ghosts)

Another funny one by mrehk my beloved

one day to fall in love (countless ones to love you) by whatifidbeenthatauthor (Minsung | 1/1 | 22,018 | Mature)

Minho stopped in his tracks. He turned to face Han Jisung. He looked unbothered, still going on about his way. “You didn’t say Hi,” Minho said, forcing the voice to come out of his throat. “You always say hi, hyung.” Jisung turned to look at him, a smile playing on his lips. He looked amused. Minho’s mind wasn’t keeping up. “Today’s different, I guess,” Jisung shrugged. “I went with a variation.” Minho would have found him insufferable, but he didn’t have the mental capacity to process the frustrating sensation that usually accompanied Jisung’s presence. Minho blurted out something that might have him sent to a madhouse. “No. I’ve lived today six times. You- you always say hi, hyung.” He felt crazy. More than usual. Jisung laughed. “What the fuck,” he said, and Minho knew he sounded insane, but could this kid please not be so arrogant? “Me, too. I thought I was the only one,” he continued, and he changed Minho’s life. *** Minho's life is boring, predictable, borderline uneventful. Until he gets stuck in a time loop. And, with him, his friends' friend, Han Jisung, a crazy dude who's only into skating. And whom Minho doesn't necessarily like.

I love time loop/time travel fics if anyone wants a list of specifically those lmk lmao

(never) have your fill of me by lolainslackss (Minsung | 3/3 | 36,028 | Explicit)

“How often can he possibly be having sex that it’s disturbing you this much?” Hyunjin asks, disbelieving. “He has sex, like, every day. And then again at night, sometimes.” Jisung makes a noise of distress. He drags his hands down his face before balling them into fists beneath his chin. “It’s just . . . so distracting, Hyunjin.” “Distracting,” Hyunjin repeats, giving Jisung a meaningful smirk. “Oh, I bet it is.” “Aw,” Jisung whines. “Why’d you have to say it like that?” “Like what?” “Like you think I wish I were the one he were fucking, instead.” “Because you do, don’t you, or are we pretending we both don’t know that?” Hyunjin’s gaze flits over to Minho before it swiftly cuts back to Jisung, all-knowing. “You’d let him do anything to you. Am I wrong?” - In which PhD student Han Jisung unleashes a succubus from a magical book, winds up living with him, and then forms a sex pact with him.

I also have a lot of demon fic recs so lmk

36 Questions That May Lead to Love by bluecalicocat (Minsung | 1/1 | 17,282 | Teen and Up)

generic username @realhanjisung yo my friend wants to be a therapist, can someone pls fake date me so he can practice counseling couples? i have 3 cats @leeknow deal

This fic is so funny

Searching for My Heart in Yours by lk321 (minsung | 5/5 | 36,995 | General)

When Jisung moves to Miroh, a town in the middle of nowhere, all he’s looking for is some peace and quiet. Instead, what he finds is a prickly witch for a neighbor by the name of Minho, who accidentally spills a potion on Jisung and forms a psychic bond between them, opening Jisung to whole new world of magic. As Minho tries to find a cure for their predicament, Jisung finds himself pulled into Minho's lively and magical life. It's not the peace and quiet Jisung was looking for, but as Jisung gets to know the witch through the emotions they're forced to share, Jisung realizes that the answers he’s searching for in life might just lie here in Miroh, in places he least expects.

Feels like a warm hug

the long game by floraii (HyunSung | 1/1 | 16,045 | Teen and Up)

“Anyway,” he continues, voice still sultry, “I’ve been seeing you in class, and I was just wondering—” he moves his hand to curl around a strand of his hair. “Could I get your number?” Han Jisung’s big brown eyes blink again. His gaze darts to his lips, then to his notebook, then up to his eyes. “To study?” “Yeah,” Hyunjin blurts without thinking. What the fuck? Study? What is happening? Why is he agreeing?

Hyunjin has a type. It’s not usually shy boys in his Intro to Statistics class with big round eyes and glasses, but Han Jisung is different.

This fic was so funny I was actually laughing out loud

I have plenty more where that came from! So there will be more recs soon

[chrizbang]

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ONE SHOT ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* CHAN X FEMALE READER ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* SMUT ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Warnings: mature content, penetative sex, unprotected sex, oral sex, swearing, drinking.

Word count: 2.535

Author’s note: so, english is not my first language, there might be some grammar mistakes dhuofdsjojd I hope you enjoy it and I would love to hear your feedback!

It was Jeongin’s idea, of course it was. Going to a party in the middle of the week. You had just arrived home from work, you showered and were ready to put on your pajamas and go to sleep, before Jeongin, your friend and roommate, stormed into your room. “You need to relax, you’re too stressed,” he said to you, dragging you out of your bed so you could get changed. He was right, you knew that. All the work you had from college and your job, was draining all of your energy. As much as you were tired, you decided to give it a chance. You chose an outfit that would be casual, but not too much, a white cropped with long sleeves, a black leather skirt, stockings, and your boots. Underneath you had cute pink lace lingerie, just in case.

You left the house and took a cab to a club, you never been to that place, but Jeongin looked like he knew what he was doing.

“Don’t worry, I paid for our tickets online,” he said.

“You’re too kind,” you answered, feeling butterflies in your belly. Once you were inside, you took a look at the place. You never went to many clubs before, but this one looked fancy. It had a nice decoration and everyone inside look very well dressed, you were starting to regret choosing a casual outfit.

“Let’s get some drinks,” Jeongin screamed at you since the music was loud. You grabbed his wrist and followed him to the bar. He calledone of the bartenders and ordered two margaritas. Once you had your drinks, he dragged you to the dance floor. You must admit that you were having a good time, dancing with your friend and enjoying the party. Until you saw that Jeongin seemed apprehensive, he was looking around, like he was looking for something. Suddenly, a man in a suitapproached him and said something on his ear, eventuallylooking at you. You couldn’t hear what he was saying because of the music, but you started to feel concerned. Jeongin nodded at the man and made his way at you. “Follow me,” he said, smiling. You were confused, but he didn’t look scared like something was wrong. Jeongin held your hand and both of you followed the man. After scanning a card, he opened a door at the back of the club, the door led to a corridor with an elevator at the end. He pressed the button and waited for it to arrive. You looked at Jeongin and he had a smile on his face, he looked very excited. The elevator door opened, the man gestured for you to step inside. You guys entered the elevator, the man following behind. He pressed another button, and the elevator started to go up. Once you were on the second floor, the man left the elevator and you went after him. There was a white hall with a big, red door in the end. The man unlocked the door, looked at both of you, said ‘have fun’, and left.

“Jeongin, what’s going on??” you had no idea where you were and what was happening. “Look, I chose this place because this is different from the others,” he told you, holding the door handle. “Before I open it, I need you to know that we can leave any time you want” You looked at him completely confused. “This place… it is special. They have this thing where they choose random people to join a more intimate party if you know what I mean” he smiled at you, a dirty one, and you were almost understanding what he was trying to say. He opened the door and there was a reception. A lady was waiting there, wearing a black pencil skirt, a black blouse and heels.

“Welcome to the Slumber Party, please follow me,” she said. She took you to another door, this one smaller. “Please, enjoy your time here”, the lady said. She opened the door, and it led to another elevator.

“Is this a joke?” you asked Jeongin.

“We are almost there,” he answered.

You took the elevator and went to another floor. “This is the last one, I promise,” Jeongin said, once you were in front of another door. “Look, like I said before, we can leave whenever you want, okay?” “Okay,” you told him, feeling apprehensive. He opened the door, and you couldn’t believe your eyes. The place looked beautiful, with fancy furniture. There was a living room with some people inside, you couldn’t count how much but it looked like less than 15. Some of them were kissing, some were talking, some were having sex, some were masturbating. You looked at Jeongin and he was already talking to a girl that approached him. “An orgy,” you thought. You never knew Jeongin was into this kind of stuff. You saw there was a kitchen nearby so you decided to grab a drink. You grabbed a cup and started pouring whatever drink you saw in front of you.

“Hey baby girl,” a man said, getting closer to you. He looked tipsy, he had his shirt open and looked way too happy. “Hi,” you said, not interested. “My name is Dylan,” he said, while putting his hands on your hips and getting you closer to him. You were starting to feel uncomfortable. He was good looking but you definitively weren’t feeling attracted. “Hey!” Another man shouted. “Leave her alone!” “I just trying to get to know her, dude,” Dylan said. He saw the look on the man’s eyes and decided it was for the best to leave. You finally took a look at the other man and you were dumbfounded. He was handsome. He had dark hair, he was wearing black leather pants, a white shirt, and boots. He had some rings on his hands. He looked breathtaking. “Sorry for him,” he said. You looked at him. He had an intimidating look. “I-it’s okay”.

“Is it your first time here?” He asked you, pouring a drink into the cup he was holding. “Hm, yes. My friend brought me here,” you were looking at the floor, avoiding his eyes. “I can tell,” he laughed. “Do you… do you come here often?” you were feeling shy but you were too curious not to ask. “Uhm” the man smiled “I’m one of the owners, so I don’t have a choice”. “Oh…” you thought for a moment “you must get your dick wet very often then.” It was almost like a whisper, but he was able to hear it. He laughed, throwing his head back. “You are adorable,” he said, tilting his head while he looked at you. That man was way too charming, it was almost illegal. You took a sip of your drink, feeling your cheeks burning. “My name is Chan. What’s your name?”

“Y/N.”

“That’s a pretty name,” he said in a lower tone. The way he was looking at you was making you go crazy, it was like he desired you, like you were the prey and he was going to hunt you.

“Come here,” Chansaid, leaving the kitchen. You followed him while he took you to a hall with several rooms, he opened the first one. It was a bedroom, with shades of red. There was a king-sized bed in the middle of it. It looked fancy like the rest of the place.

“Sit down,” he said, pointing to the bed.

You sat a the edge of it, looking at the floor. He was standing in front of you, he held your chin, forcing your face up so you would look at him.

“You are free to leave whenever you want,” Chansaid.

“I know.”

He ran his thumb through your lower lip before sticking it inside your mouth. You could feel that your panties were soaking wet because of the way he was seducing you. You sucked on his thumb making him bite his lips.

He took his hand out of your mouth and started to unbuckle his belt. “You are gonna give me a nice blowjob, princess”.

He pulled his pants down with his underwear, letting his dick free. It was veiny, above average, with a pink tip. It was gorgeous like everything about him. He got closer to you, standing between your legs so it wouldbe easier for you to do it. You heldhis dick and started delicatelypumping it, feeling it in your hands, he was so hard and warm, you felt your mouth salivate. You started to lick him from the balls to his tip, slowly. Chanhissed, without taking his eyes off you. You took the head of his dick in your mouth, sucking it before twirling your tongue around it while pumping the rest with your hand. He used his hands to hold your hair, making a ponytail, and while one was holding it, the other went to the back of your neck.

“That’s it, take my dick like a good girl,” he groaned, moving your head up and down. You felt his precum in your mouth, the taste was bitter but it only made you hornier.

He fucked your mouth a little more before taking his dick out of your mouth. “I would love to cum in your this cute mouth of yours,” he looked in your eyes “but I would rather do it inside of your little pussy.”

You gasped, finally realizing that this man was going to fuck you. This extremely attractive and charming man was going to be inside of you.

Chan held you by your waist and gentlythrew you in the middle of the bed. He took your cropped off, making you raise your body to slip it off, when you laid down again you noticed he was looking at your boobs like he was mesmerized. “Itlooks cute on you,” he said, before taking off your bra. He massaged your breasts making you bite your lips to hold a moan. He took one of your nipples in his mouth, sucking and biting itwhile playing with the other.

Then he started to unbuckle your skirt before taking it off. He took your boots off and pushed your stockings down, leaving you with only your panties on. You whined, upset that he wasn’t taking his clothes off, only with his pants and underwear down for when you sucked his dick.

“What is it, baby girl?” He asked, running his hand through your body, sending shivers through your spine.

“I want you to take your clothes off,” you answered, making an innocent face.

“Anything you want” He started to take his shirt off and you felt like you could explode because of how horny you were. His body was so muscular, without overdoing it, making him look delicious.

He reached for the bedside table and opened a drawer, taking a condom from inside of it. He put the condom on and got between your legs. He took your panties off and started to run his dick between your folds, you couldn’t control yourself anymore, you were dripping and he was teasing you. He saw your face and couldn’t hold his grin.

“Beg for it baby girl.”

“P-please, please fuck me” you moaned, looking into his eyes. You felt ashamed but it was too late for it now, you just wanted him inside of you.

You held on to his arm while he entered you slowly, he would go inside and out so you would get used to it. Every time he would go inside of you again, he would go a little deeper. Once he was fully inside, he held on to your waist and started to fuck you, his thrusts slow and deep. At this point you couldn’t control your moans anymore, you couldn’t decide if you should close your eyes and enjoy the feeling of him inside of you or if you should stare at him dumbfoundedly.

“Fuck,” Chan grunted. “You are so tight.”

“Please don’t stop.”

He started to go faster, sliding his hard member into you with ease because of how wet you were. The sound of skin smacking was almost as loud as your moans. He held your arms over your head. You had your eyes closed because everything started to feel overwhelming. “Look at me” he demanded. You tried hard to keep your eyes open, your cheeks burning from seeing the lust on his face.

“I’m gonna make you cum so hard, you pretty slut”, you moaned loud after hearing him talking to you like that, you were close, you could feel it.

“Are you gonna cum for me, huh?” he whispered in your ear.

“Y-y-es. Yes.” you could barely answer him, feeling your high approaching. Chan started to play with your clit and it wasn’t long for you to cum on his dick. Your moans were loud and you were quivering, feeling the best you’ve ever had.

Chan turned you around, putting you in all fours. You had your head on the mattress as he started pounding on you, reaching for his own orgasm. You wish you could live in this moment forever, feeling him inside of you, hearing him moaning like that. He was amazing.

“I’m gonna cum” he said, before exploding inside of the condom. He kept lazily thrusting on you for a while.

“Fuck…” you said, tired and satisfied.

He laid down by your side, looking at the ceiling.

“By the way, answering your assumption,” Chan said, “I don’t get my dick wet often.”

You felt embarrassed, you completely forgot you made this comment.

“This business was my friend’s idea. Changbin, you probably saw him in the middle of the people in the living room,” he said humorously.

“With that being said, can I have your number?” Chan asked, smiling. You noticed the adorable dimple on his cheek.

“Oh,” you smiled at him. “You definitely can.”

You chatted a little before both of you decided to put your clothes on. You held your phone, and after saving his number, you saw that Jeongin sent you a message and you had two missed calls from him, which you didn’t hear since your phone was on vibrate mode.

“I guess I’ll have to go,” you sighed, feeling an ache on your heart. You didn’t want to leave.

“Let me walk to the door” he said, holding your hand.

He accompanied you to the living room, where you saw Jeongin sitting on a couch. Everybody was getting ready to leave, either putting their clothes on or already fully clothed. When Jeongin saw you with Chan, he didn’t had to ask questions, he just gave you a side smile.

Chan kissed your hand. “Can’t wait to see you again.”

“Me too,” you said, smiling at him. Chan turnedaround, looking and smiling at you and went to talk to a guy, probably Changbin, as you thought.

“I guess somebody had fun,” Jeongin said, as he was leaving the place with you.

“I guess so,” you tried to play it cool, but you couldn’t stop smiling, leaving with the hope that you would see Chan again someday.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt.13

Keith came out the shower doing his best drowned rat expression to date. With the towel around his shoulders, Lance wondered if Keith was protecting his neck, or preventing his shirt from soaking through. Having already showered, Lance had a glass of blood wine in one hand, and his phone in the other, dinner plans having gone out the window while he was busy playing with Keith

“Do you want the good news, or the bad news?”

Keith crossed his arms, Lance having to stomp down his compulsion to go dry the younger males hair off with a towel

“What?”

“Well, remember my friends from the other night, yeah, Hunk’s going to be here in about 20 minutes to pick us up”

“I’m not going”

“You don’t even know where we’re headed to”

“I don’t care. We’re not going”

It didn’t escape Lance that “I” had turned to “we”. He figured the hunter wouldn’t trust him to go out alone, and if he hadn’t been totally awol from his normal life he would have been turning down the invitation for some serious self pampering time

“Sorry, but you see, when my friends want to hang out, I don’t turn them down. You need to go get changed into something more bar appropriate”

“We’re not going. We haven’t finished talking. You turned me, and I need to know more”

With the number of times Keith had accused him, Lance felt like he’d know Keith far longer than a week and a bit... God, he couldn’t even remember if it had been a week, Keith’s idiocy was spreading

“And I hear I was thinking you’d finally gotten a clue. We’re going, because I’m invited. I’ll go on my own if I have to, but I had the feeling you’d freak out and think your prey was running away”

Keith’s emotions flickered across his face, obviously arguing mentally about the fact he couldn’t say no, and nor did he have the power to stop Lance

“Fine, but only so I can make sure you don’t turn anyone else. If you so much look like you’re going to bite someone, I will decapitate you”

“Excellent. I think I should have something in wardrobe that’ll fit. I’m guessing you like black on black”

“What’s wrong with my clothes?”

“You’re wearing a black onesie. Some people might be into that, but at a bar, that suit’s a crime against fashion”

“It’s not made to be fashionable”

“No, it’s made so you can be all “bump in the night”. Blargh. Go change already”

Keith told Lance at least several times that wearing his clothes had been forced upon him. Lance wasn’t sure why, when Keith had chosen his own wardrobe out of what was available. In ripped skinny legged black jeans and a black silk button up, Keith looked passable. Lance chalking up the weird sensation of wanting to pat Keith’s butt to the fact he too was recovering from being poisoned. Keith was soooo not his type, never mind the fact the guy was a freakin’ human, Keith hated him with a passion. Nope. Keith didn’t look good in his clothes, nor would he look better out of them. Lance was just... going through a lot. That was it. He was not getting suckered in by those piercing purple eyes, or the way Keith’s collarbones peaked out of the shirt. The blood in his body had enough to deal with, without it deciding it needed to make a trip down south over absolutely nothing.

Leaving Blue feeding her face on wet food, Lance headed for the door, back tracking to grab Keith by the wrist and drag him along behind him. Keith was starting to object all over again, but Lance wasn’t having it. If he had to socialise around drunks, then the punishment should be shared by Keith for being so goddamn hot and stupid... mostly stupid with a dash of stupidly hot sprinkled on top, kind of like unwanted chilli flakes. Lance was feeling pretty confident in his own outfit, blue jeans, white shirts and cropped tan jacket, but Keith had one upped him without even trying. Maybe Keith would get laid and lose some of his prickliness? The anger loaf needed to let that anger go, and turn into that beautiful emo butterfly hidden inside his cocoon of douchery. Towing Keith out the house, Lance left the alarm off in case Shiro came back. Explaining Keith’s presence seemed a hard enough challenge as it was, explaining why Shiro was breaking into his house... that was a whole other kettle of fish.

*

Lance had been lied too. There was no bar, they were in fact in Platt, running a rehearsal of Hunk’s date with Shay on the weekend. Picking up Pidge, she’d thrown herself into the back of the car, hand narrowly missing Lance’s junk in her rush. Oogling Keith, Pidge had elbowed him as she buckled herself in, all Lance could do was offer a shrug. Hunk’d already been shocked enough for the three of them, Lance lying his arse off saying Keith had offered to stay a few days and help Lance take photos of his house as he was thinking of repainting. The photos were for the online lab thingo where you could upload your rooms and pick colours there. Yep, those were the words he used too, technology was forever changing and he openly admitted he missed the days before social media... other than the cat videos and memes.

With Keith having no cash, Lance paid. Choosing gold class tickets meant the food was included, and the seating private. The hunter looked spooked by human interaction, Lance ordering steak dinners for the pair of them because damn if he wasn’t in the mood for some budget dead cow. Buying the biggest coke they had, Lance enjoyed the fact that the mix ratio was whack with more syrup than soda water, the straw ending up chewed on before they’d even made it into the screening room. Lance wasn’t sure about the movie selection but with Hunk and Shay going to see the one rom-com playing, Lance steered the group away from buying tickets for it so his bestie and Shay could enjoy seeing it for the first together.

Taking their seats, Lance wound up between Pidge and Keith. Pidge immediately started playing with the chair remote, and Keith sighed in annoyance. Leaning in, Lance kind of felt bad that they hadn’t wound up at a bar. Keith would have been able to have a few drinks and kick back, then find someone to take to the bathroom and work that aggression out. Just because he hadn’t done the do, didn’t mean Keith wasn’t a seasoned professional

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know we were going to see a movie”

“Whatever”

“I’m serious. I didn’t know. I would have dressed warmer if I did, and would have insisted you put a jacket on”

“I’m not a kid”

“I know you’re not. I just feel bad. I was hoping you’d be able to relax a little...”

“I don’t want to talk to you anymore”

“Okay, but I really am sorry”

When dinner came out, Keith poked at until he finally gave in, pretty much wolfing it down, half an hour later Lance had to excuse himself to the bathroom, finding Keith gone when he returned. Taking his seat beside Pidge, Lance leaned in

“What happened to Keith?”

“He said he needed the bathroom. Didn’t you see him?”

“No. How long ago did he leave?”

“Not long after you... Dude, what’s your deal with him?”

“My what?”

“Your deal. What’s he still doing here?”

“I asked him to take some photos of the house for me”

Pidge crossed her arms

“If you’re going to lie, at least make it convincing”

“Who said I’m lying?”

“You did. I know you, and I know when you’re lying. Something’s off with Keith, and you’re acting really weird”

“I’m not acting weird”

“Are you two dating? Is that why you’re being weird? You feel like you can’t talk to us...”

“No! No, no, no, no, no... ewww. No. I’m not dating him, he’s a stranger”

“A stranger you bring to a movie night with your best friends”

“It was either leave him the house or bring him with me”

“So he’s staying with you, like, staying staying?”

“Only for tonight. Shiro’s going to pick him up. I’m thinking of repainting the living room closer to its original colours, and I figured having a fresh set of photos would work”

“Why didn’t you ask me?”

Pidge’s words went right over his head, before looping back and slapping him in the face. Pidge had had her feathers ruffled by Keith “taking” what would have been her “job”

“Because, my Pidgeon legged friend, you would start hunting for ghosts in my house, then try to steal Blue as you left”

“You’re dodging the question”

“I’m not dodging the question. I only asked him because he’s a professional. You’re still my number one tech guru. I’m sorry I’ve been sick and haven’t been able to hang out, but I’ve missed my gremlin. No one can replace my little anger muffin”

“You’re a wanker”

“So I’ve been told”

“Has your cold when passed? You still look pale”

“Yep. Clean bill of health from the doctor. Just the usual take it easy for the next few days, fluids, sleep, platonic dates with your best friends, the usual post cold instructions”

“I’m still shocked you’ve got Keith staying with you”

“I’m shocked too. But I keep telling myself it’s only for a few days and soon it’ll all be over”

“Dude, he was wearing your clothes”

“And?”

“Lance, you know I’d never judge you for your sexuality...”

Lance laughed, him and Keith simply too ridiculous to even go there

“It’s definitely not like that”

“Are you sure? I mean... I’ve never seen you like this...”

“What? Invaded by a photographer?”

“No, not like that... I mean... like, he’s wearing your clothes, staying at your house... it’s not like you”

“Keith didn’t have any clothes that weren’t a crime against fashion, or acceptable at a bar, which I totally thought we were going to, thanks to a certain someone. Nah, he’s just staying a couple of days then Shiro is going to pick him back up and that’s that”

“Something still feels off”

“Pidge, I promise I’m okay, and I promise Keith and I aren’t in some whirlwind romance, or whatever that brain of yours has thought up. I’m actually pretty sure he hates me, if that makes you feel any better”

“Nope. It just makes it weirder... Should we be worried that he hasn’t come back?”

“Nah, I’ll go see if I can find him. Dude’s got the social aptitude of a rockmelon. He probably peopled himself out and is having a sulk”

“If you say so. Now go away, I’ve already missed part of this riveting plot”

The plot wasn’t riveting. It was badly thought through and designed for the masses. Like most things...

Keith wasn’t in the cinemas entrance hall, nor the bathroom, Lance heading outside to search for him. Not at the front of the cinema, Lance was starting to get pretty annoyed with his missing idiot. The last place left to check was the parking lot, where he found said idiot cornered by three men. Great... just... great. He took his eyes off him for two minutes and he’d already wandered off into trouble. Walking over to stand just short of the three strangers, Lance eyes Keith who had his arms crossed, scowling at the group

“Heya, fellas. Something wrong here?”

“Who the fuck are you?”

“You know, just a concerned citizen. You’ve got my friend cornered, so if you could just see it in your hearts to let him go...”

Lance stepped back, escaping being hit in the face as the stranger bared his teeth. What the fuck?! Was Keith dense as fuck? Or did he think he had the skill to take on three idiots

“Your wallet or you life”

“Seeing you’re getting neither, I suggest you run along home”

“What did you say to me?!”

They hadn’t even had to go to bar to find trash. Lance sighed as he pulled out his phone

“Well, we are living in the age of technology. This miraculous little device lets me call the police when people like you start messing with people”

“You won’t get the chance”

“We’ll see”

Avoiding being attacked was laughable. His attackers had like zero grace, they must instead rely on numbers to look “intimidating”. Each swing that didn’t connect made them madder, their “leader” pulling out a small blade, as Lance danced around them. Putting the phone to his ear, he made as if he was calling the police and not his home phone

“I’m going to kill you...”

Raising his pointer to his lips, Lance hushed the man

“Didn’t anyone teach you its rude to interrupt someone on a phone call?”

If someone was watching, the would have found the way the three morons were falling over each other hilarious

“Yes, hi, I’d like to report an attempted robbery at the front of Platt Pictures. There’s three guys that have bailed up two men...”

Dropping down to dodge the punch thrown at his face, Lance swept the leg of the leader, snatching his blade out his hand as the man’s eyes widened for the millisecond as he fell

“Yep. There still here... I’ll wait. You guys should probably run if you’re going to. Cops are on their way”

The look in the leaders eyes was something feral, spitting like it made him cool, the man wiped his mouth

“I’ll get you for this”

“I’ll be waiting, but I won’t be holding my breath. Also, I’ll be keeping hold of this blade of yours. Evidence and all that. It’s amazing this fingerprint technology...”

“Forget it, lets scram!”

When the leaders two goons split, the man pushed himself up, running off like the coward he was. Lance giving them a little wave as they did. Ending the call to his house, Lance slipped his phone back in his pocket, before holding out the blade to Keith

“Here, a souvenir of our time together”

“I could have handled that”

Lance rolled his eyes

“Never said you couldn’t. Anyway, take it. You seem to like knives and I’ve got no use for it”

Keith frowned at the offered knife

“But the police...”

“Aren’t coming. Let’s just say I have a job where I need to keep my name squeaky clean”

“What the hell?!”

Lance sighed at Keith

“What? Do you want me to call them? I totally can, I remember all their facial features”

“You didn’t do me a favour...”

“Never said I did. Oh, you totally skipped out on movie night. Do I want to ask why you’re not inside pretending to be scared like everyone else”

“The movie was shit”

“Finally, something we can agree on. But, Hunk and Pidge are trying to be friendly with you, so leaving is kind of a dick move”

“They don’t even like me”

“They might if you’re not out here hiding. Also, Pidge thinks we’re dating, so come on darling, we’ve got a movie to finish”

Lance took Keith by the wrist. Socialising wasn’t about to kill him

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Dragging Keith’s along, Lance spoke as they walked

“Well, that’s a long story. You see a long time ago a little boy was turned into a vampire. He grew up to become a lawyer, living as human like as he could, as he tried his hardest to give back to humanity so no other little kids got hurt. He never fed from a single person, took a lover, or like harmed any one more than what you just saw... You could say things were going well for him and he was happy. That was until two hunters crashed into his little corner of the world. He was forced to drink blood from an actual person for the first time in his life. Which upset him, because he felt he’d lost a little of the humanity he wanted. Now he’s trying his hardest for a stranger who wants him dead, and refuses to listen to him, because he’s some disgusting, revolting, beast that deserves that’s not even fit to be on the bottom of your shoe”

“That’s just it, why are you trying?”

“I don’t know, and that’s what’s getting under my skin”

Dragging Keith the whole back to their seats, they got there in time for the heroic ending where the main character saved the day. Hunk was sobbing, Pidge had gotten herself some skittles and was attempting to catch them in her mouth as she made a mess around her. Seeing they’d mostly missed the film, he and Keith remained standing there until the credits started and Pidge called “time to bail”. Ditching holding Keith’s wrist, because he’d honestly forgotten he had, Lance wrapped his arm around Hunk’s waist

“Good movie?”

“She was so brave...”

“I know, man”

Pidge cuddled up to his side until Lance looped his other arm around her

“What did you think?”

“It sucked. There were so many plot holes. I want my money back”

“Aw, never mind Pidgeon. It’s over now”

“That’s 133 minutes of my life I am never going to get back. You and Keith are arseholes. You missed most of the film!”

“Are we arseholes, or are you cranky we escaped?”

“You’re both definitely arseholes”

“Now, to be fair, Keith hit his people limit of the day. You’d never know, for all his conversational skills, but he’s a lot like you, Pidgeroonie. He gets very tired of people fast, and cannot do the brain without the coffee”

“That’s because people fucking suck!”

Pidge’s loudness caused the people walking near them to stare, staring was awkward forever one involved, Lance didn’t want the night to end awkwardly

“Okay, that’s enough exposure to the public for one night. Why don’t we grab something and head home? I’ll even pay”

“Yay! I want a super sized slushie. I should have thought of it sooner. I wonder if that slushie place with the weird flavours is still open”

Hunk groaned

“You’re making me do city driving?”

“Dude, relax. It’s night time, meaning there aren’t as many people on the road. Consider it practice for your date”

Hunk blushed, Lance laughing happily

“Don’t be mean to him, I’ll drive. Pidge, you’re in directions. Hunk, music, naturally, Keith, you get to sit in the back with Pidge and make sure she doesn’t get up too much mischief”

“What? Why?”

“Because I said so”

*

Keith opted to stay in the car and be a buzz killer as the three of them rushed to the slushie store. Minutes from closing, they were those annoying customers that all retail staff dread. Pidge was in heaven as she eyed the walls of flavour, Lance paying and limiting her to two without added energy drink. Hunk went for bubblegum flavour, Lance for strawberry. Keith hadn’t come in, but part of Lance didn’t want him feeling left out. With all the scowling faces Keith had pulled since they’d met, lemon was ruled out as a potential flavour, instead he went for iced coffee labeled as being lactose free. Keith might not be the nicest person in the world, but that didn’t mean Lance was going to be a douche over something Keith couldn’t control. He knew the man liked coffee, so it was the most logical choice. Pidge ended up unable to decide. One abomination made of orange, pineapple and mango, the second strawberry, bubblegum and coke. Making sure he’d left the woman behind the counter a very generous tip, Lance ushered Pidge and Hunk back to Hunk’s car, a little proud of himself when he got Keith’s door open with his foot in the door handle. Glaring up at him, Lance beamed in pride

“I got you one”

“I don’t need one”

“Yes, you did. It’s iced coffee, lactose free. Consider it an apology for venting on you earlier, if you need an excuse to take it”

Handing Keith the drink, Keith eyed it in suspicion

“Dude, it’s fine. Legit went from the machine to the cup then out to you. Pinky swear and all that. If you don’t want to drink it, I won’t get offended. I just thought it’d be nice to include you”

“Whatever. Thanks and stuff”

“You’re welcome. Let’s get you back home away from all these people so you can take a nap”

Keith’s expression soured, Lance was sure he was going to have the iced coffee slushy thrown at him, so shut the door quickly. Keith wouldn’t be a big enough douche to ruin Hunk’s interior. Hunk was a human, someone Keith was supposed to protect, meaning hurting his feelings had to go against whatever code hunters were bound to. Being caught up in everything going on, Matt came to his mind as Lance opened the driver’s door, his heart sinking. He hadn’t thought about Matt all night. Pidge had probably spent the whole night missing her brother and wishing it was him at the movies with them instead of Keith. He didn’t want to seem down, but it was hard to perk himself up now that he’d remembered he didn’t know how to act around Pidge. Climbing into Hunk’s car only made his heart ache more as Pidge and Hunk bickered over her flavour combinations. There was a code of privacy within VOLTRON, so he couldn’t enquire into Matt’s status. He couldn’t do anything to help Pidge with her Matt situation except for maybe confirm he was alive, which Shiro had already confirmed. Goddamn Shiro. He was ruining his night and the man wasn’t even here.

[calamariimpossible]

Magicians on the internet, crypto, and the email that broke me.

This is a continuation of a twitter thread that Muz (@mzkrx) started to write out in his car but then when he plotted out his thoughts, it made more sense to him to put it down in a blog format rather than a thread. You'll find out why as you read through.

Stuck in the car for half an hour so I'm gonna do a thread (Editor's note: Now a whole-ass blog post) about a strange email I got recently.

So I was casually watching magic tricks on YouTube. the funnest part of which to me is reading the comments. YouTube commenters love explaining how they think the trick is done and it's fun to read through their theories and connect dots between similar tricks, etc.

And then one time as I was scrolling I noticed a comment that didn't make sense. It was a string of an almost sentence. Intelligible enough to not be random words but odd enough to read like a trigger phrase for something.

The closest I can describe it as is like the string Zemo used to wake up the Winter Soldier, but with some syntax to it. Like "many thermos wiggle throughout exotic harbinger of circle ascending fuchsia entrapment".

Initially I thought nothing of it, but then I kept seeing them in these magic trick video comment sections. They're never the same string, and it's always under magic trick videos. from different channels even.

Hmmm.

The profiles that posted these comments are also always blank accounts with zero videos and no profile pic. Just their name. I felt like it was too much of a coincidence for these comments to only be under magic trick videos.

I also knew that the world of performance magic is thick with secrets. That is to say, there is deliberate obfuscation of information whenever you try to go online to find out how a trick works.

Magicians get together online and share information with each other just like performers of every other sort as well but the amount of code and doublespeak they use is an order of magnitude more annoying to decipher compared to say, an engineering message board or a gamedev forum.

Knowing that, I thought maybe this almost parsable gibberish I keep seeing everywhere was also some kind of code these people were using to talk to each other.

So I started investigating.

First things first, let's just Google one of the phrases. Maybe that's enough?

And it sorta was.

Pasting them onto the search bar lent me to only 1 result (wild!) and it was a website that looked really dank. Like geocities dank. Annoying neon colours and badly margined jpegs of tarot card images everywhere and a big bold header text that said something to the effect of:

"Congratulations, you've found our hidden message. This portal is only for those seeking knowledge beyond what is on the surface. Continue below."

* * *

I haven't been doing well. I feel like I say that too much. I say it on Patreon, on my personal podcast, whenever any of my friends ask me how I'm doing, pretty much everywhere. I feel very heavy. I understand I'm not the only one feeling like this during a pandemic.

Duh.

But I have this other version of worry that I can't quite articulate until right now: I'm scared I won't be funny anymore. Anwar and Farid can attest that even during our recordings I don't feel up to being funny. I question my jokes a lot. I barely enjoy telling them. I'm worried I'm letting everyone down.

To me, silliness and absurdism as virtues only make sense when the world has trace amounts of injustice and wrongness that training ourselves to see it in our everyday helps us remind ourselves of what is just and fair. The more we consume silliness, the more we are able to recognize silly and point it out. So we don't ignore it when things go wrong, so we talk about it, manage it. So we can take care of each other.

Maybe I can't be sure if we're all up for taking care of each other right now.

* * *

"Continue below" seems instructive, but it wasn't. Like I mentioned, the margins were haphazard and the CSS was all over the place. Some jpegs were straight up cropped off.

Meaning I can't be sure what "below" meant. But there were clickable images and text so I was readily intrigued.

It was tantalizing. Did I stumble into some secret order of Extremely Online Magicians? Maybe I'll finally find out why there aren't many female magicians out there. Maybe it's some sort of secret initiation to a secret message board full of secrety secrets. Secretly.

Y'all.

I didn't click on any of the linked images or anything. I closed the tab. That was the end of that.

An earlier version of myself would gladly run headlong into this rabbit hole to find out more and sink hours into some goddessforsaken labyrinth of links. But the current version of me recognizes this for what it almost certainly is: an abandoned roleplaying game.

Back in the early 00s when the internet was the realm of nerds and nerds only, it was full of people who loved sharing things for sharing's sake. It used to be punk rock to maintain a blog that only talked about snails or have a lo-fi YouTube channel that uploads biweekly 3-minute news about your house, or manage a little message board where people roleplay as wizards who rummage around the net looking for clues.

That last part was a thing I remember being actively involved in. In '03, a group of online friends and I wrote up a scavenger hunt of sorts where we sent people through various blog pages that we have where the goal is to just dick around and have fun. We wasted each other's time for sure. Hundreds of hours of it for literally no gain at all but for some laughs and fun memories.

The internet isn't like that anymore. People don't share something online for sharing anymore. Not really. There's this idea that if you put stuff out there, you want people's attention because numbers are good. You get a lotta reblogs and RTs and Likes which means people Like you.

If you don't have a lotta numbers, you don't matter. If you do, everyone has to talk about what you said or did because it's 'News' now.

Isn't that kinda gross, you think? That we need people to interact through an app to be sure that we're Liked? I say "we" but I mean me. I've successfully poisoned my brain to believe this to a certain extent too and it's not good.

I felt myself physically react when I closed that geocities magician website tab. I shuddered because my brain went from "this is cool" to "I gotta let people know I found this" to "this'll get me hella RTs" to "ew Muz why did you think that" within 3 seconds and I was disgusted with myself.

As a dude who started my online presence on YouTube and parlayed it into my real life comedy/writing career, I've believed for a long time that doing good work and putting it out there is what it takes for a working creative to make it because that's what I did. So there's this idea that making stuff and having it be seen is some kind of virtuous.

But it's not anymore. People pick fights with children for clout. Newspapers post about people's tweets as if its important. People are investing in crypto, a thing that literally only exists as electrical waste on a grand scale. We're boiling the oceans to yell at each other over nothing and exchange bits of code everyone agrees has ever-rising value but doesn't. Everyone is making and eating junk, it feels like.

So am I making junk? Have I just been making useless junk for literally over a decade now? Is that what I've been good for this entire time?

* * *

So the email.

It was a response from a company I applied to for a job. I applied as a creative writer and they're an advertising agency.

Receiving emails from a prospective employer when you're in need of a job is exciting! So soon after I applied, too. Wonderful. Here's what it said:

We just received your application today but would love to extend the opportunity for you to participate in the Case Competition as a prerequisite of your job application for Creative Writer position with [REDACTED] and stand a chance to be a winner for cash awards up to a total worth of RM1,800.

Yea.

They want me to enter a competition where I compete with other candidates to get a chance of being hired.

This company saw how many people applied for a job with them, and decided to dangle some cash and throw it over the fence to see which candidate will fight for it the most.

I didn't expect to feel vomitous after reading an email but that did it. I almost dry heaved. That's where we are now.

Recruiters see a glut of applicants and decided to play Fall Guys. These people watch Istana Takeshi and think Takeshi is the good guy. It hurts. It hurt me. That email caused me pain.

I can't at all empathise with recruiters who think this was okay to do. They really believed that creative writers will do a little dance for them just for money.

Look, I know we all need to eat. But I can also hate that people undervalue the work of creatives to this painful extent.

I don't give a shit about earning a lot of dough. I just wanna make things that tickle people. I want you to smile more.

That's the whole point of that weird little YouTube comment that led to the quirky website. That's the whole idea of making silly videos and dumb tweets and memes. We just want you to laugh.

But it seems people think so little of joy that they'll do whatever they can to avoid legitimately supporting and paying for stuff that gets them through the day. So much so that they want free work from us for the potential of maybe being able to get paid for more work. It breaks me, man.

I hate that I cannot make a living just trying my best to make people happy.

That's the best way I know to take care of you.

I know I don't just 'make junk' for a living. People have messaged me personally that my work has helped them get through tough times in school, in their relationships, at the office and I am eternally grateful that they took the time to tell me that.

I just also wish my feelings about my work aren't easily brought down by the majority of people who insist its worthless. Even if sometimes those people is me.

So forgive me if I won't be funny for a while. I'm gonna need some time to process this. Thank you for reading. I love you.

[monstersdownthepath]

Spiritual Spotlight/Theme Finale: The Monad

True Neutral Overseer of Creation, the Infinite, and Truth

Domains: Artifice, Darkness, Knowledge, Void Subdomains*: Toil, Night, Aeon, Stars

Concordance of Rivals, pg. 11

Obedience: Spend 30 minutes in meditation, clearing your mind of needs and prejudices. Then briefly wander and observe your surroundings, seeking a source of excess, accomplishment, or emptiness. Spend at least 30 minutes counteracting that phenomenon in some way, such as by creating something where nothing exists, providing comfort to a morose stranger, or thinning the excess population of ants in a field. Benefit: Upon completing the Obedience, select two Knowledge skills; gain a +4 sacred or profane bonus to the selected skill checks.

(*IMPORTANT NOTE: The Subdomains are my best guess; Subdomains are not listed in Concordance of Rivals. Anywhere!)

What a delightful Obedience! Meditate for a bit, and then help balance out the world! Awwww :)

Don’t worship the Monad if you’re a Ranger, or any other class with a Favored Enemy-Esque mechanic, because it won’t end well. I do enjoy that the Monad still allows its followers to pursue wants, though I’m sure that wasn’t the designer’s intention and likely just me toying with loopholes I see in sentence structures. Such as the loophole that you can view just about anything as excess, accomplishment, or emptiness.

Destroy a building, or help build a new one. Steal from the rich and give to the poor, or do the exact opposite (and be hunted down by me, personally). Kill bugs or introduce new ones to an environment. Destroy someone’s most prized possession, or give your own to someone in need. Comfort a stranger, or antagonize an ally whose ego is becoming unbalanced. Help to grow a crop, or take a torch to the whole thing. Really your imagination is the limit here, which could potentially lead to choice paralysis... but this also makes it incredibly easy to just Background Detail it without a need to elaborate. If your DM rudely demands details, you can turn it around and ask them details about the environment in order to find something you could correct. Two can play at that game!

Don’t be needlessly rude to kind or curious DMs, though. That’s not cool!

What IS cool is that benefit. While it’s not outstanding, becoming just a bit better at being a smart guy is always nice. Choosing Arcana and/or Dungeoneering is usually the way to go, but you can tailor your Knowledge bonuses day by day if needed. Heading into the wilderness? Pack Nature. Going into town? Might as well get Local and Nobility! The possibilities are endless! (actually there’s only ~45 combinations but y’know)

Boons are gained slowly, gained at levels 12, 16, and 20. Servants of the Monitors, though, can enter the Proctor Prestige Class as early as level 8. If entered as early as possible, you can earn your Boons at levels 10, 14, and 16. You MUST take the Monitor Obedience feat, NOT Deific Obedience. Monitors grant only a single set of Boons.

Boon 1: Aeon Arbiter. Gain Unseen Servant 3/day, Spectral Hand 2/day, or Gaseous Form 1/day.

Well right off the bat, Gaseous Form is painful to use most of the time. It reduces your speed to an agonizingly glacial 10ft, making it useful for getting into or out of a sticky situation but basically nothing else. You can’t really properly scout with it since you still look like a you-shaped gas cloud, but the defensive bonuses it confers means that if you get trapped in a tiny room or with a monster you don’t want to be with, any space that isn’t airtight can’t contain you. The fact it has no components also means you can cast it while grappled or restrained, so if you think you’ll end up snatched up and/or tied up, surprise your enemies by changing matter states!

Unseen Servant was, is, and always shall be one of my favorite spells in the game, even if it’s not a particularly useful one when you’re facing down a dragon, or even a single bandit. Your invisible buddy can perform all your menial tasks you require since it has an enormous 1 hour/level duration, and there’s a LOT of items that weigh less than 20lbs you could have your pal cart around. If you can’t foresee needing them later in the day, conjuring all three of them at once and setting them out on various tasks will multiply your own productivity immensely. I recently read a cute little guide online that pointed out a shovel weighs only 5lbs and a shovelful of soil will rarely surpass 3, so having a team of invisible workers digging trenches can help fortify any positions you hold. It’s just a fun spell! And it rewards knowing exactly what you can do with 2 Str and understand the limits of the servant’s manual dexterity.

Which leaves Spectral Hand, which is probably the most useful thing on this list, if less fun than UnSe. Using touch spells that aren’t Save-or-Suck is always dangerous when you’re a squishy caster, but Spectral Hand allows you to stay safely at a range to deliver them. With a range of Medium (100ft + 10ft/level) and a decently lengthy 1 min/level duration, Spectral Hand can likely last through one to three encounters to let you slap multiple foes with spells you’d otherwise never get to use. Don’t forget you can also use it to deliver buffs and healing to your allies, too! At 2/day, the only reason NOT to take Spectral Hand with this ability is if you adore Unseen Servant as much as I do, or are already in a situation (like a prison) Gaseous Form could save you from.

Boon 2: Immaterial Flesh. You gain the constant benefits of the Moderate Fortification armor special ability. If you already have a similar defensive ability, you increase that ability's chance to negate the additional damage by 10%.

This means that critical hits and Sneak Attacks have a 50% chance of doing no additional damage, for those who can’t keep track of all Pathfinder’s wild armor enchantments. It’s a boring ability, but a lifesaving one that can shear hundreds or thousands of points of damage off incoming attacks over the course of your adventuring career. Most creatures armed with Sneak Attacks have low damage on their normal attacks, so this ability can mean the difference between taking 4 damage and taking 40. Sure, it’s a coin toss as to whether or not it works, but a coin toss is better than having no way to avoid it at all!

I like the fact that if you’re already fortified or have some other method to dodge precision damage (it works on SIMILAR powers, not just fortification!), it’s increased. If you can get your hands on some Armor of Heavy Fortification, the chance to block the incoming damage becomes 85%.

I’m sad that no flavor details are given regarding what this power does to your physical body. It says ‘immaterial flesh,’ but what does that mean? Do you become a gaseous nebula or crystalline formation like the other Aeons? Do you get all swirly and galactic like the Monad? I wish it gave us more details, because it’d lighten up an otherwise bland but useful ability.

Boon 3: Creative Destruction. 1/day as a standard action, you can touch two creatures adjacent to you, or yourself and an adjacent creature. One takes 150 points of damage (Fortitude half; DC=10 + half your HD + your Cha modifier), and the other regains a number of hit points equal to the damage taken by the first target.

Ever wanted to just reach over and slap someone hard enough to kill them instantly? 150 damage--150 untyped damage, I should clarify--is not something to be taken lightly. That instantly kills most humanoids at that level and severely damages hardier monsters, with CR 16 creatures rarely exceeding 280hp at the highest. Hitting a squishy enemy caster with this power can end a battle faster than Power Word Kill, though with the downside that you must get close enough to boop them on the nose... but you aren’t required to make a touch attack. No, no attack roll is required. The only way this ability can miss is if you can’t physically touch your target, meaning incorporeal enemies are immune, and a DM may rule that certain gaseous creatures are, as well. While this ability may also intend for you to use your hands to do the touching, it simply says “touch two adjacent creatures.” You can technically use this ability by tackling someone, kissing them, or just poking them with your foot!

Now, this ability grants a saving throw for half damage, negating some of its burst potential... But that’s still 75 untyped damage that works against ANY CREATURE you can touch. Constructs, Undead, Outsiders, demigods, Great Old Ones, creatures with resistance or immunity to every element in the game and every negative condition you can think of, anything! 75 is less impressive but still impressive! It’s an enormous chunk to shave off any foe and you can indeed shave it off any foe, and they don’t have the option to avoid or lessen it at all! The fact it bypasses all forms of immunity and requires only a touch is AMAZING, and we haven’t even covered the fact that the second target regains HP equal to the damage the first victim took!

Like... 75 HP is big enough by itself. It can take a normal encounter two or three rounds to deal 75 damage, and you only need one action to undo it. And 150 HP? That’s typically enough to take someone with a d8 or smaller hit dice from 0 to full in an instant and restore anywhere from half to 75% of a Fighter or Barbarian’s health bar. But, here’s something else important: much like the destruction, the healing is also universal! Constructs are notoriously difficult to keep running due to their specific healing requirements, and Undead are similarly finicky, but Creative Destruction’s health transfer is accepted by ANY creature with an HP bar. Even yourself! That’s the best part! Even without an ally or another enemy nearby to transfer the health into, you can siphon it into yourself to beat down a bad guy!

And I suppose you could also transfer your own health into an ally that really needed it, but uuuuhhhhh 150 damage is a lot. That tactic should only be use if you have no other option! 

And all you need to do to obtain all this power? Remove all your prejudices and help keep the world running smoothly. Perfect for a character of any alignment! except probably chaotic evil.

You can read more about it here.

[themockingcrows]

Hands Free

Bit of Service Top!Trans!Dave I wrote while the gender feels were strong. :3c 

This fic is NOT sfw! This fic is available on my AO3! John/Rose/Dave cw: strapons, strapless dildos, vibrators, polyamory, oral sex, vaginal sex, anal sex When Dave decides he wants to buy a dick, he Rose and John head to the local sex shop to make a selection. The hard part is choosing his new toy. The easy part is the stress testing.

    The first step in the door was overwhelming anxiety and a sense of not belonging, of being alienated and awkward. The second step, though, was much more welcoming and got both John and Dave fairly relaxed once more. Rose strode ahead, practiced and used to the place by now, for she already knew where they needed to go. Or at least where she was pretty sure they needed to go, even if John and Dave weren’t quite caught up to the concept yet. Sex shops could be pretty intimidating if you weren’t used to them, but she hoped they’d warm up quickly.

    There was shopping to do.

    “So, depending on what you want, there’s a lot of options,” Rose explained as she strode towards the dildo section, then further towards the straps. “Are you wanting to feel it too or just let it work its magic on the other end?”

    “Rose, you sound like you work here,” John snorted, grasping Dave’s hand to tug him along to the right section when he got distracted by some of the videos and books on display. “We don’t need kama sutra stuff, dude, focus.”

    “Yeah, yeah, I’m comin’.”

    “That’s the plan,” Rose said. “And yes I know I do, but I can’t help it. I’ve visited this establishment many times and tend to source my wares from here because it’s a good company,” she chuckled. “It’s better than ordering online, right? When you can actually feel and see the thing and examine it closely for a first time buy?”

    “I guess you’ve got a point, but that doesn’t explain the mail order stuff you keep getting,” John hummed, eyeing different glass toys curiously. Were they safe? ...Well, obviously they must be or they wouldn’t be for sale in here, now would they. The idea was intriguing though, a different material altogether.

    “Like I said: for first time buys. I can kind of judge by the company if I want to buy something online or not, especially after investigating similar items in here,” she said, giving a wave to the store attendant who called over that if they needed anything to just come ask for assistance.

    First name basis. Rose’s toy box made a lot more sense now.

    Dave, the main reason they were here in the first place, was trying his best to play it cool and was failing. There were dicks of all sizes, shapes and colors here and he knew precisely what he wanted to do to his partners with one. It was just a matter of finding the right fit, the right color and size. The right attitude. His first dick had to be special, but he was grateful for his shades helping to hide just where he was looking at any given time.

    “Where uh. Where the fuck do I even start?” he asked, baffled by the displays. Jelly dicks, glass, medical grade silicone, cheaper materials. Toys that required a strap, toys that worked with a suction cup attachment for a strap, toys that could be inserted into the vagina and used as a functional dildo, double ended dildos. Where the fuck should he even start?

    “Well, your budget first. Then materials,” Rose said.

    “Or just poke around and see what seems interesting then we can adjust based on budget?” John suggested.

    “I’ve got enough to get somethin’ real nice, and I’d like somethin’ real nice,” Dave said. “...I’d just also like to find somethin’ I’d actually use. You remember the packer fiasco.”

    “Ah, yes. The gummy thing,” Rose said with a displeased look. “That was from ordering online and it being a bad material, I think. But it won’t be like that, I promise. We’ll find something you’ll like.”

    Dave made an uncertain sound and tried to relax his eyes in the face of everything ahead of him. So much of it was-

    “Jesus that’s a lot of neon pink.”

    “Mm, yeah.. That’s an issue. But there’s a lot of options too,” she said helpfully. “We can always order online if there’s a different color you want.”

    Dave could feel his palms getting sweaty and his face getting warm as he shuffled from foot to foot, trying to imagine what each of these would be like. He wanted something that could be used on both John and Rose, something sturdy that wouldn’t hurt him. He knew Rose could handle a lot, and John had been topped by her more times than Dave could count already, so size and general shape would be easy to narrow in on.

    “Do you feel much when you’re toppin’, Rose?”

    “Mm. Depends on the toy,” she said. “Some of them I’m only getting off on the fact I’m fucking one of you. Others, there’s clitoral stimulation involved. Some of them even vibrate, remember? I certainly feel that.”

    “...Maybe this is a mistake, you’ve already got so many, I don’t need t-”

    “Dave, we’re finding you a dick, and that’s that,” Rose said, slapping him on the ass when he took another step backwards so he’d step forward and stay on target. “My toys are my own and while you’re obviously free to play with them, I’d like to see what you pick for yourself to fuck us with when there’s an entire store to choose from,” she purred.

    His reddening face went a few shades darker before he nodded and focused more intensely. Okay, come on, Dave. Think. Money wasn’t an object right now, he’d gotten paid and wanted to treat himself and everyone was supportive of that plan. What was something that caught his eye?

    A strap similar to the type Rose wore caught his eye, comfortable and soft but sturdy enough to withstand anything with its well fitting ring. Rose grinned when he picked it out, then cast her eye back to the wall of things… before stepping away.

    “Call me if you need me, I’m going to go take a look at some of the other items.”

    “Me too,” John said eventually, drifting an aisle over to look at the different types of plugs curiously. It seemed like his embarrassment was broken and he was stuck permanently in the curiosity stage of development, wondering at the different shapes and styles as if they were… well. Toys.

    Dave decided to keep the strap, but the choices to make were still overwhelming. Size, shape, color, texture, design, style, sale, no sale, ring or no ring compatible. Slowly he exhaled and reached for the nearest box in red to see what it was up close. Double ended toy. Workable, but not quite what he wanted. There was nothing wrong with it per say, but it wasn’t what he was looking for as far as something that could really let him get his hips working.

    The pink was a bit of a turn off for him, so Dave decided to hunt by color instead, choosing neutral black and white or offsets in interesting warm and cool tones. When he’d narrowed it down to a few sections, he started finally finding some things that interested him. One, first off, was a simple toy for the strap. Utilitarian, decent size and firmness, he was sure it’d work comfortably. He wanted it just for the sake of having it around and knowing it’d work, but something in him said to keep looking. Somewhere here was the perfect dick for him and he’d find i-

    The package was long and thin, deep cherry red and marked for discount. Dave grinned a bit at it when he realized what he was looking at for sure: a strapless toy, bulbed end angled just right to facilitate some friction against his clit while also giving his best to his partners. It sounded interesting enough that his stomach churned with excitement as he double checked the measurements and tucked it into his other arm for safe keeping. This should work.

    This was the one.

    John, nearest in the store, was still fascinatedly looking at plugs, potentially without any interest in buying them. There were as many styles as the dildos, though the shapes were more formalized. Some packages promised amazing prostate massage or perineal pressure, while others were unisex in design. He’d selected a few and was looking at them with his head cocked, weighing the metal one in one hand as if expecting it to declare its weight differently than on the package.

    “Find somethin’ you want?”

    “Ah. No, not this time I think. Maybe next time though.”

    “Ooh, already plannin’ on next time huh?” Dave teased.

    “Hah, yeah I guess. Look at you though, did you finally grab what you wanted? Or… wait, hold on, let me grab a basket,” John said when he realized everything was just just tucked under Dave’s arm.

    “Nah, no need, I got it,” Dave promised. “I picked this dick, I’ll carry it.”

    John grinned at him before rising to his toes to look around for where Rose went off to, peering over aisles before blinking. “Well, I found her, but I dunno if we should bother her.”

    “She’s lookin’ at leather isn’t she.”

    “She’s looking at leather, yes.”

    Sighing, Dave shook his head and walked out the aisle to go the direction John had last been looking in, rolling up on Rose as she examined some different fetish items with a fond eye. She grinned and plucked up a crop, tapping it against her palm.

    “Think I should get it?”

    “If you want? What would you even use it for?”

    “Saving my hand when you two need spanked,” she snorted. “No, there’s a lot of uses for a crop other than just that. Maybe another time, though.”

    “See anything you want while we’re here?” John asked. “Dave’s set. Er. You are set, aren’t you?”

    “I’m gonna be broke after these three things, I’m good,” Dave said, looking down to his soon to be purchases before glancing back up.

    “Mmm… I think I’m good for now as well. After all, the new things Dave’s getting are already going to need a nice thorough testing,” she said, glancing over Dave’s haul with an approving eye. “Wouldn’t want to over decorate the cake as it were.”

    “Maybe I wanna decorate your cake.”

    “I don’t believe those toys come with a cum tube, Dave,” she smirked.

    Face reddening again, Dave adjusted his grip on the toys and looked around to re-orient himself before heading for the checkout. “If we’re done, I’m gonna go ahead’n pay so it doesn’t look like I’m plannin’ on walkin’ out with these things under my hoodie.”

    John hung back by Rose for a moment, reaching up to move some hair behind her ear out of habit before she could do it herself, and grinned. “Think he made good choices for real?”

    “I think so. They suit him just fine. I’m looking forward to seeing him use them, though.”

    “You too, huh.”

    “Dibs on the first round,” she said, smirking when John frowned and let his shoulders drop.

    “Damn it, you’re fast.”

    “Yes I am, you snooze you lose.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    Though Dave was eager with his purchases, he didn’t use them right away. The boxes and strap hung out in his room beside his bed for a few days, being examined and held at different times as he got used to the idea. They were his. He had toys of his own like this now, and he could use them any time he wanted. It was just finding the right time to use them that would take a bit of doing. Nobody wanted to rush him, but everyone was intrigued, so it was down to Dave to make his move when the time was right.

    Time was right when they were all watching movies one night in the living room, Rose trying to work on a knitting pattern she couldn’t quite understand on one end, John draped over the other, and Dave sprawled out over both of them like a warm weighted blanket. Dave knew this movie frontwards and backwards, side to side and back again, and no matter how many times they’d seen it John always paid attention like it was the first time ever. It was kind of cute, really. He waited till a big moment was coming, let it pass, then leaned up on his elbows to start kissing at his jawline when the distraction wouldn’t be an issue any longer.

    John was sweet, responding shortly to the kisses with a few of his own, before going for the dramatic and scooping Dave closer for a deeper Hollywood kiss suddenly enough that the blonde laughed and kicked his feet, disrupting Rose’s attempts at her new pattern. She rolled her eyes but chuckled at the pair of them, and set her things aside before joining the fray, climbing on top of Dave’s torso to plant a kiss against both their cheeks.

    “That was kinda sudden,” John noted with a chuckle when they parted for air, rubbing his cheek where he knew a bit of lipstick was now no doubt smudged.

    “What can I say, I’m in the mood,” Dave murmured.

    “Oh? In the mood?” Rose hummed, kissing the side of his neck. “The good mood, or the passable mood?”

    “The best mood,” Dave confirmed with a hum of his own, shivering at the sudden feel of her teeth on his throat. Fuck his neck was such a weak spot for him.

    “Really now,” John said, opening his arms to hold both of the blondes at the same time, giving them a squeeze. “Mood for kisses? Or ‘get the fuck upstairs’ mood?”

    “Kisses,” Dave said, taking another while John was in range before pausing to kiss Rose instead. When they parted he smirked. “Though I wouldn’t mind the kissin’ takin’ place upstairs. Might wanna kiss more of ya’ll where I can’t reach with clothes on.”

    “Finally going to test your toys?” Rose purred.

    “You know it, gonna pull that shit out like excalibur and resheathe it in the stone till it breaks.”

    “I’m not sure if that’s sexy or not,” John said. “Can we not do the breaking?”

    “The breaking’s the fun part!” Rose laughed, reaching a hand up to comb  at John’s hair. “How about you let us go so we can get off of you and take this upstairs?”

    “Mmmm. Okay. You drive a hard bargain though,” he said, giving another squeeze to the duo before releasing them. Dave and Rose both stood after a bit of untangling, then grabbed a hand each and yanked John up to his feet so he’d follow them upstairs, laughing as they led him along. “You know, the couch would have been fine too.”

    “Says the guy who’s too long for the sofa,” Dave snorted, making Rose laugh as well.

    With a bit of shuffling of positions, the trio made it upstairs and headed for John’s room, home of the biggest bed. Dave made a detour to his own room to get the toy he wanted to try most, bringing the strap and the generic other one for backup in case it didn’t work as expected.

    Rose was already on John’s lap by then, perched on his thighs and giving his neck a good working over while he helped her get her shirt off. Dave grinned and set his things aside before joining in the stripping. Off went the jeans, the hoodie, off went the baggy tshirt and the binder. He took a deep breath when the constriction was gone, relieved to get the extra expansion again. Fuck yeah that was a good feeling.

    “The tiddies have been released, we’re screwed now,” John said. He didn’t always wear it but when he did and peeled it off before getting frisky? He meant business.

    “Not quite yet, but you’re thinkin’ the right direction,” Dave said, going to the box he’d brought in to take the toy out, setting it on the corner of the bed with a grin.

    “I called dibs before,” Rose said, rising on her knees and giving her hips a wiggle till Dave came over and tugged her pants down, leaning over her back as he slipped them down around her knees and felt along the swell of her ass and hip, down to her thigh and back. “I do hope you’ll indulge me.”

    How could he not? She was warm and perfect under him, smelling like her perfume and residuals from her shampoo and traces of incense, and plenty eager to tease.

    “You mind goin’ last this time, John?” Dave asked. “I mean, she did call dibs. It’s illegal to deny a dibs call, I don’t want the cops bustin’ in here and seein’ everyone’s ass.”

    “I don’t mind at all,” John said. “Do either of you mind if I get handsy though?”

    “With those piano hands? Please, get handsy as you want,” Dave said, smirking when John reached forwards to clasp Dave’s ass, squeezing with both hands. “I’ve gotta get that thing in...”

    “Already?” Rose said. “If you can get it in that fast then I wonder how long you’ve been thinking naughty thoughts before acting on anything,” she said as she slipped off of John’s lap to retreat towards the center of the bed.

    “A while,” Dave admitted, leaning back into John’s hands till they went lower and started to feel around. He shifted his legs apart to welcome a hand up front, groaning softly when cool fingers stroked over overly warm lips.

    “Can verify, goddamn Dave, what a mess,” John teased, stroking a bit faster once he reached for the bud of a waiting clitoris, making Dave’s knees weak.

    “ Shit ,” he hissed. “Aren’t I supposed to be the one doin’ the drivin’ people wild thing right now?”

    “You already are,” Rose promised. “Come over closer and help me get ready? If you’re set already I’ve got some catching up to do.”

    John released his grasp on Dave and stood up to ditch his own clothes while the blondes made use of his mattress, Rose propped against the cushions with her knees parted in welcome, breasts falling to either side of her chest in mimic, and those purple eyes watching Dave like a predator as he scooted up to pray at the altar. Down he went to kiss her stomach, her hip, the center of her pelvis, then down lower to her pubic hair and beyond before sighing comfortably and sinking down to his stomach and forearms for balance. He suckled and licked, probed with his tongue and alternated with flat, slow licks, knowing just how she liked to be sampled.

    After a bit of shuffling around, John had returned to the bed and rested on his side observing, idly stroking himself with a smile. Fuck he loved these two dorks so much, Dave with his bangs in his eyes and his face half buried between Rose’s thighs and Rose with her blissful expression and soft panting sounds of encouragement. He stopped his stroking to scoot closer, grasping one of her breasts and rolling the nibble between thumb and forefinger as he caught her lips in a kiss, swallowing down her wanting noises, encouraging her to be louder if she wanted to let Dave know he was doing good.

    The breathy noises gave way to groans and moans that only grew more insistent when Dave grew more intense, pushing Rose’s limits but not giving her more when she wanted it. Fingers? They were there, helping to trace the shape of her, but they certainly weren’t pistoning against her sex like she wanted so badly.

    She’d just have to wait for the show to start for that to happen.

    When his jaw ached and his tongue felt more than a little numb, Dave backed off and rubbed his mouth before reaching back to feel for the toy. John broke the kiss with Rose to grin his direction, curious about how the toy would look when it was in place, curious how it worked. Rose didn’t have one of this kind, after all, so seeing it in action before it came for him would be neat he assumed.

    He settled back and parted his own knees before stroking the toy against his entrance a few times, biting his lip as it teasingly slipped against him. Being in control he was able to start working the bulb against himself more firmly, testing it, spreading wetness here and there before trying again. With a bit of work, the bulb slipped into place, leaving the dildo sticking out front, a ribbed section stretched over his clit and the front of his vulva. Bright red and a little intimidating, he was satisfied with how it looked. Not some faux piece of replacement, nothing flesh toned, nothing too human shaped. It was obnoxiously colored and fit him like a glove, and when he closed his legs it jutted up like a challenge on his lap.

    John whistled appreciatively, but Rose just moaned and rubbed at herself to make up for the fact Dave was gone, hips working now and then reflexively.

    “Think you can take it now?” asked Dave as he rose up onto his knees showily, wiggling his hips. “Check this shit, it doesn’t move when I do, this bitch ain’t goin’ anywhere I don’t want it to.”

    “Dave, I could take it about five minutes after you started to eat me out,” she admitted. “Get your skinny ass up here and fuck me, or I’m going to jump on you and do it myself.”

    “Pillow princess.”

    “Watch it, or your tongue won’t be the only sore thing,” she said with a smirk, withdrawing her hand as Dave crawled closer and tried to get into position. Tried being the key word. This was new, and was taking a little bit of adjusting to find the right angle for, the right position. Dave grasped the base cautiously as he probed at Rose’s entrance, savoring the moment when her eyes fluttered shut wantingly in response, before steadily starting to breach. A bit more shuffling, and he released the grasp on the toy, trusting it to stay in place as he rocked his hips further forwards an-

    “Ow, go a bit slower,” she murmured.

    “Oh, sorry. Hang on, I’ll jus- Fuck, is it coming back out? I can’t tell.”

    “Is it coming loose?”

    “No, no, I just. I can’t tell where things are on this just yet.”

    “You’re doing fine,” she promised, reaching up to grasp at his upper arms, rubbing at them both gently. “Maybe hold the base still, it might help stabilize it.”

    Nodding, Dave reached down to grasp close against his own body before gently trying again. When Rose didn’t complain, he took it as a sign all was well to pull back and gently coax further inside again. When he bottomed out, Rose hooked her ankles around his hips and moaned softly, squeezing at him in encouragement.

    “I can take it,” she murmured. “I can handle it now.. Go ahead and show me what you’ve got, Dave.”

    “You sure?”

    “Damn Dave, I’ve never gotten to see this angle before with you two,” he said with a grin. “Looking good.”

    Dave smirked and took a spare second to flex playfully before refocusing on his task, pulling his hips back with his grasp still on the toy before lurching forwards. It wasn’t the smoothest stroke in the world, but it was still enough to make Rose whimper and squeeze at him for more. Who was he to say no to that? Another pull back and push forward. By the fifth time, Dave was working out the tempo and angle he needed and wanted, hips working in a rhythm he’d dreamed about using them in this position for ages in. Save for the wet noises coming from Rose, and the groans they were both releasing, it was a fairly quiet affair and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

    The angle allowed for him to kiss her, to curl down and kiss her chest, to feel at her sides before he released the toy and grabbed her hips tight, lurching himself forward to hump harder against her body. Enthusiastically, Rose gripped the sheets and tipped her head back, glancing over to John who seemed pleased just to be near them in the moment.

    He was keeping his hands mostly to himself, though now and then he’d reach out to stroke a breast, an arm, Dave’s leg, Rose’s stomach. There was no limit to how long this could go on however, save for Dave’s stamina and their own eagerness. No refractory period like himself, which was half of why he was still stroking at himself. It’d be a shame to get off too quickly when it was his turn with Dave, but getting off once beforehand offered a way to last longer. ...And with the view, who wouldn’t be getting off?

    With the rhythm and angle found, Rose parted her knees wider and spurred her heels into Dave’s ass, trying to help drive him deeper, rocking her hips in time to make the sensations better for them both. Every time they connected bodily Dave was getting rubbed as well, and it was starting to drive him out of his mind. Was this what dudes felt all the time? Friction and delicious pressure and heat and the press of legs around them? The thought of it was almost as erotic as the act itself was, chest to chest and hanging on for dear life to each other as Dave worked his hips at an angle, striving to find Rose’s G spot.

    Judging from the way she suddenly tensed beneath him and cried out, he was pretty sure he found it. That or she was just that close anyway and having that little angle change was all she’d needed to hit her peak. Hard to tell, Dave was just busy giving it all he was worth till she finally shuddered and kissed at him breathlessly.

    “A-ah, fuck. Fuck. I need a breather,” she said, panting when Dave finally stopped stirring her insides around.

    “Yeah?” Dave asked, grinding down a bit, savoring the whimper he got. Fuck she was so sensitive now, the temptation to just keep going was strong… but she’d said pause. So pause it would be. Carefully he pulled back, bracing the toy as he withdrew before sitting back shakily on his knees to pant and observe his handiwork. Rose looked wiped but satisfied, reaching down to play with herself absently before chuckling.

    “Less cleanup than with you, John.”

    “Yeah, yeah, not all of us are that lucky,” he said, already wiping up from his own self realized orgasm with softly huffing breaths. “At least now there’s more proof of how messy you are on your own.”

    “Please, I was hardly alone. You’re in for a treat,” she said with a pleased sigh, stretching in place before slowly scooting away from the damp spot. Whoops. “I’ll change the sheets after. Would you like a towel, John?”

    “Yeah, that’d be good,” he said, already rummaging for lube in the side table after managing a good pot shot with his used tissue into the garbage can. “Should we put a condom on it too?”

    “Mm. Might help. Could be fun,” Rose said as she slowly got up. “Might help with the friction too.”

    “A condom?” Dave asked, surprised for a moment before remembering that a few of Rose’s toys worked better with condoms on them. The idea was kind of erotic, making his stomach warm. It only got more warm as John came and knelt down in front of him off the side of the bed, carefully opening a condom wrapper and unrolling it down over the toy while looking up towards Dave’s eyes. He smirked a bit.

    “You’re almost as big as me.”

    “We in a dick measurin’ contest now?”

    “You know it.”

    “Whip it out,” Dave said with a grin. “I wanna see.”

    Standing up, John stroked himself a few times to get the flagging erection to stiffen again before crouching a bit to get nearer to where Dave was, measuring loosely with his splayed hand.

    “See? Close but no cigar, I win.”

    “Only for this one, your song and dance’ll change when I upgrade to bigger in the future.”

    “Size queen.”

    “Says the dude who can take Asmodeus without flinchin’.”

    “You can too!”

    “...Touch é .”

    “Do my ears deceive me or are we discussing Asmodeus without me?” Rose said as she came back with a towel and draped it on the center of the bed. It appears she’d made a pitstop to her own room as well, a small vibrator in her left hand remaining where it was She blinked and looked at both John and Dave’s dicks before chuckling softly and shaking her head. “I believe in that regard I do indeed have the biggest.”

    “Biggest dick energy,” John chirped.

    “I’d pay you money to never say that again.”

    “I’ll pay you twice as much to say it all the time,” Dave countered.

    Rose tapped a finger on the tip of his dick in a steady but firm pattern, toying with the reservoir tip and making the toy nudge along Dave’s clit all over again till he groaned. “Let’s focus now, Dave. We’ve got to get John ready for his turn. It’d be rude to leave him waiting.”

    Taking his cue, John slipped his long legs up onto the mattress and stretched before getting comfortable on his back. He paused and lifted a leg curiously, miming rolling over. “Wait, should I be on my knees instead?”

    “Could Dave reach properly if you were on your knees? We don’t have a ton of cushions in here to prop you up.”

    “...Back it is.”

    Taking the lube in hand, John was about ready to douse his own fingers in it before Rose caught the bottle and took it from him, perching beside his hip.

    “Oh, no, allow us.”

    “Us?” he asked.

    “Of course us. Dave did an excellent job of getting me ready, I thought I’d pass it along and help get you ready. Dave’ll help as well.”

    “Oh,” John said as he realized, relaxing back and parting his legs a little less shyly. Rose gave him a generous dollop of lube before handing the bottle over to Dave, letting him apply some to the condom’s exterior for that extra bit of slipperiness they’d need.

    “Think I’ll be able to find your prostate easy enough?” Dave asked as Rose bit the side of John’s neck and gently started to tease him open with her right hand, sitting back on his heels. He found himself idly stroking the toy even once the lube was in place, enjoying the bit of friction it gave him. It felt good in his hand, firm and solid, just weighty enough inside his pelvis that the shifting was delicious.

    “If you can’t that thing’s a-ah ow.. Easy Rose, maybe add a bit more?” John stopped, smiling when Dave leaned forward to add another dollop for her to work into him with. When he was comfortable again with the fingers within him he sighed and let his head drop back. “If you can’t find it with that thing, then either it’s gone missing or your dick’s defective.”

    “Pretty sure it’s not defective,” Rose said. “I quite like it after all.”

    “Pardon me, our preferences don’t always overlap,” John sniffed, trying to sound snooty. “There’s a chance it might not be up to snuff for me.”

    “Please. You’ll be beggin’ for more once I start nailin’ you,” Dave said confidently, placing his hands behind his head and giving his hips a showy rocking once he sat up onto his knees to be more in view on the mattress. John whistled, though it shook and died down when Rose started moving her hand faster with crooked fingers, making him shiver in place.

    “Jesus, Rose, just like that.”

    “Think you’re about ready? You don’t need as much work as with Asmodeus for this,” she murmured near his ear, kissing it before nipping the lobe playfully.

    “Y-yeah. Yeah, I think I can take it,” John said, looking past Rose’s pale sheet of hair to look Dave up and down. “Jesus though, you’re looking like a snack like that Dave.”

    He smirked, striking another pose, then another, then flexing before kissing his own bicep near one of the moles. “Hell yeah I do, I look like an entire goddamn buffet.”

    “Will you two stop flirting before he tenses back up again,” Rose said with a smirk of her own, wiping her hand off on the towel before resting a hand across John’s chest. “I want to see the doofy face he makes when he comes.”

    “You already know what that face looks like!”

    “So? I’d like to see it again.”

    “Easy, easy,” Dave said as he scooted closer. “Okay. I think this’ll be like how it was with Rose,” he murmured to himself, bracing the toy with the back edge of the condom between his fore and middle fingers from above. “Just gotta find the right angle and-”

    “Uh. Dave, a bit lower,” John said, rising up on his heels to give an example of how far before resting downward again.

    “Oh. Right, yeah, sorry man.”

    “It’s all good,” John promised. “Just a bi- ah. There. Yeah, you’ve got it now,” he said, voice altering a bit to something lower and warmer when he could feel Dave probe properly at him.

    “This angle?” Dave confirmed, before gingerly pushing further in a few inches. When he paused, again bracing the toy as he backed out, it was with more confidence that he pushed back in. Soon enough he was working up a rhythm, every so often submerging more of the toy within John till they were flush and Dave felt confident enough to release his grasp on the dildo’s back edges. In and out, nice and easy, same as he’d done for Rose. The only difference this time was when legs came around his hips, they wrapped much further around the outside of his own body and long leg hairs tickled at the bare skin of his sides.

    They were similar in the ways that mattered though, as far as Dave was concerned with trying his best to please them as their service top du jour. Both of them made the most delicious breathy noises when they were being hammered into, they both gripped at the bedsheets with white knuckles, they both moaned and groaned like breathing when just the right angle was found inside of them and neither of them knew how to stay still. Though bigger than both he and Rose, John writhed with the best of them when Dave found his prostate, voice going high and desperate as it started to spur his second orgasm closer faster than he’d assumed it would come.

    There was just something about a new toy on a new body that really turned John’s cranks apparently.

    Soon enough John had spilled up against his own stomach, but he didn’t call it quits. Instead he curled forward to kiss Dave on the lips while he continued to energetically work against his body, panting in tandem as he was jostled by the movement. Only when the sensitivity was too much did he call it quits with a shudder, pressing on Dave’s shoulders to call him off.

    “Hoooly shit, okay. Yeah, that’s a keeper,” he decided.

    Satisfied, Dave pulled out and removed the condom from the toy to dispose of in the trash. While still standing he popped a loose squat and dislodged the toy with a sigh, standing straight on shaking legs afterwards, grinning at the pair still on the bed.

    “Dave? Come here,” Rose purred. “Your reward is waiting,” she said, holding the vibrator she’d procured up, clicking its on button on so it buzzed to life.

    Dave didn’t need to be told twice. He’d dropped the toy and was on the bed in an instant, nestling in between John and Rose to rest on his side comfortably as Rose sidled up behind him and slipped the toy between his legs on the low setting, the buzzing working directly against his sensitive folds and worked over clitoris. He arched his back and jerked in place as he adjusted, panting breaths coming back when John covered his mouth with his own, fingers tangled in his pale hair. Rose kissed along the back of his neck and worked a hand beneath him to hold him around the slender middle, bracing him back against her own warm body when he shuddered.

    He was overwhelmed. Everywhere was a mouth, a hand, touching, tasting, stroking, and through it all the toy drove him up the wall. He came once, hard, but Rose didn’t stop. Instead she turned the speed up to medium and made him whimper, not wanting to call it quits yet. Not yet. Dave could still remember legs wrapping around his body, the luxurious sensation of rocking his hips into his partner’s bodies, the tang of Rose on his tongue, the taste of John on his lips.

    The buzzing grew more intense as Rose switched it to high and jiggled the toy teasingly, making Dave lurch his hips against it needily, toes curling. So close. He could feel it coming like a storm someone sees from a ship, all around them but not there till it was right on top of the bow, shaking the hull and everything within it within an inch of their lives. Dave’s second orgasm hit like a freight train and he cried out into John’s lips before instinctively retracting his hips from the toy.

    Rose turned it off and let the toy drop, rubbing his abdomen gently as if congratulating him. John let him breathe, but swung a long arm over both the blonde’s to hug them tightly, cuddling them good and close before swinging a leg up over Dave’s body to rest a knee on Rose’s thigh.

    “I think… I think I like my dick,” Dave finally said when he could think straight.

    “Me too.”

    “I concur,” Rose said. “You made a good choice, Dave.”

    “Heh… Fuck I love you guys,” he murmured.

    “Will you love us more with a shower?” Rose asked. “As much as I enjoy the sensation of dripping with my own fluids, it does start to feel less appealing after a while.”

    “Mm, yeah, a shower would be great,” John agreed. “Last one there’s a rotten egg?”

    “I’m rotten, carry me,” Dave said dramatically, “I can’t feel my fuckin’ hips.”

    “Right. Two good eggs, one rotten one,” said John, standing up and then bending to scoop Dave up behind the knees and back. The gentle hold lasted a moment before he shifted his weight and settled Dave on his shoulder like a sack of potatoes instead, slapping his ass a few times.

    “Augh! Dick!”

    “No. Ass. Dave do you need another anatomy lesson?”

    “A nice thorough one,” Rose crooned.

    Dave had a distinctive feeling his shower wasn’t going to be that restful… and welcomed it.

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Driving to Tehran   Day 27

Did I speak too soon?

We had a pleasant drive to Tehran today. It took almost 7 hours, but an hour of that was caused by our poor driver getting lost again in the chaotic maze that seems to be normal here. We eventually arrived after circumnavigating most of the city a couple of times and the driver was probably as relieved as we were. I hope he manages to find his way out to wherever he intends to stay tonight.

A couple of ad hoc observations largely unrelated to the drive, but prompted by our drive out of Isfahan and into Tehran. Right through Asia, I have been really impressed with the extensive parkland beside the roads in the cities, with sometimes very extensive gardens in the middle of divided roads too. In Australia, we have plenty of parks, but they are destinations - you have to go to them. Here, they are more in the nature of routes - they are just there, right on the main roads into the very centre of the cities. They are well-patronised and are wonderful cool green oases amid the turmoil of daily life, lots of big shady trees, water features (not sure where the water comes from in the deserts), lawns, gardens and paths, always spotlessly clean and tidy. Listen up Australia!

In several places we have been, particularly Isfahan, there are more than enough steps, but the risers are enormous, making them very steep - quite impossible for anyone with a mobility issue and even a bit of a challenge for us young people sometimes. We asked about it and were told that it was a deliberate policy to save on construction materials - but if they saved much more, they wouldn’t need to build anything at all because anything they built would be inaccessible anyway.

We also commented on the almost complete absence of safety gear - crash helmets, use of seat belts, etc., but also larger things like no protective scaffolding around high rise construction sites. It turns out that helmets are compulsory so we asked about enforcement. It is pretty weak and helmets are at the bottom of the heap. The fine is trivial, but the vehicle is confiscated for a week. For most other traffic offences (and driving/riding against the traffic is very common), if you happen to be the unlucky one in a million that gets pinged, you lose your vehicle for at least 3 months. Not sure about speeding, but there must have been a pair of cops with a radar gun every 15 or 20 clicks right along the 400+ km drive we had today. Everyone seems to speed excessively, but maybe the radar guns are faulty. I only saw one vehicle that had been stopped.

We actually saw lots of cars stopped, but not by the police. Most had the bonnets up with sad-looking people peering inside. But the saddest one was a Blue Mule that lost a front wheel and careened into the retaining fence, spilling the mountain of watermelons he was carrying all across the road. Most had burst open causing a horrendous mess that they were trying to sweep off the road with hundreds of cars screaming past at high speed. It could well have been some poor farmer’s entire year’s crop and I felt very sorry for him and his family.

Did I hear someone ask what a Blue Mule was? There are probably millions of them in Iran. They are mainly Nissan Zamyad pickups - big utes or small trucks invariably painted bright blue. They are the workhorse of Iran and you are very rarely out of sight of at least one or five. They mostly look to be wrecks, but carry absolutely ginormous loads, often towering more than twice the height and extending well beyond both sides of the vehicle. They started out as Nissan Juniors in 1953, but they eventually went out of production and Iran took up the challenge and now builds them itself under various brand names, but they are ubiquitous clapped out jalopies that keep the national economy in business. Just happens that they are all painted bright blue.

Back to the drive today..... it was through very dry desert with just occasional areas of irrigated green. From horizon to horizon it was dead flat except for the mountains! I mentioned this on the train into Isfahan, but it was even more marked today. There were no trees and where there was any vegetation, it was all less than half a metre high. It must be some of the least productive land we have seen since we left home. Did I say that it is flat, totally flat. But the mountains were spectacular - can we come up with some better words? We drove right through the mountains for an hour or so, but nearly all the way to Tehran, there were huge areas of quite high mountains, serried rows one behind the other lost in a whitish-grey haze that blanketed everything all day. The colours were remarkable from total black through every conceivable shade of grey, brown and yellow, creams, beiges, fawns - all those fancy colours that I can’t identify, through to some occasional white areas. Never saw much red, very little green and the only blues were in the sky and the thousands of Blue Mules. But the mountains took every shape imaginable, bulging and bristling, rugged and rocky, jagged peaks, bladeless for the most part with just an occasional straggly bush, dramatically dead, horribly harsh, a little alliteration the only thing sprouting! The rock strata was often so convoluted, one mountain had an almost circular twist of hard rocky strata adorning its side, but there seemed no end to the twists and turns the mountains and valleys formed. One could not help but wonder at the ancient forces that wrought such astounding formations and the eons of erosion that brought them to their present shapes. And they went on astonishing us for hundreds of kilometres.

We stopped about midway for lunch. It wasn’t quite MacDonalds, but its Iranian equivalent. Heather had fries, I ordered a hot dog - it was a Mastiff or a Russian Hunting Dog, I think. It was mammoth and with the best will in the world, I managed about half of it. Be careful what you wish for! It was the first western food we have seen, but it was huge even by western standards. We have been totally uninspired by the food, particularly since we left Beijing. It is OK, but the choices are narrow and tend to replicate themselves. They are all pretty bland too and we are hanging out for something quite different so lunch was a taste treat, despite the very few choices and difficulty in selecting from an Iranian menu. Dinner tonight will be a local version of spag bols - I wonder how they will corrupt that!

Anywhere there is a town, even a tiny village, there are domes and towers. Not sure that they are always mosques, but they stand out from all the single storey buildings around them. We have certainly seen many substantial shopping centres, down to quite small roadside stalls that appear to use them as ornamentation, perhaps for advertising, marketing differentiation, signs of (false) piety to attract custom, or whatever. The domes are usually silver or gold, some are ‘turquoise turbans’, but I also saw a couple that looked like terracotta today. The towers are more varied, usually towering (naturally!) over their surrounds with a variety of tops. Some are obviously minarets, but there are many different designs - the spice of life. But anywhere there is more than a handful of houses, there seems to be this reflection of Islam, whether as a symbol of Islam or a take-off for baser commercial purposes.

The traffic in Tehran is perhaps even more crazy than we have seen so far. The main roads seem mainly to be 3 lanes, each perhaps 2.5 or 3 metres wide and it is sometimes difficult to get the 7 or 8 cars and trucks abreast to fit into the space, causing great consternation on the part of the more aggressive. It constantly amazes me how fast and smoothly traffic flows. Everyone must know the exact width of their vehicles because passing at speed with less than a centimetre or so on either side seems almost obligatory. They must also have boundless confidence that when they move from one chaotic line of cars to another 4 or 5 lines across, all other vehicles will give way - and they do! In traffic travelling at 80 or 90 kmh, the distance to the car in front is rarely more than half a car length and the two-wheelers take constant advantage of that and zip through at great speed. We saw what looked like two very minor scrapes today - but there should have been at least 2000.

Exceedingly poor internet here again. Spent an hour or so trying to find a better arrangement this arvo, but alas, no go. Interestingly, the hotel’s instructions on how to get online if you have trouble say to go online to their server site and do it from there. How do I go online to do that if the reason I need to do it is because I can’t get online? And one additional little factor is that their server site is blocked by the great Islamic Firewall.

Have now eaten and are back in the room. The spag bols was OK, but uninspiring. Maybe we need to look for a Maccas?

There is some rather violent thunder happening outside at present. It would be nice if it rained to cool things down and banish the worst of the fog, but the forecast is still for fine and 32. Oh well, we can’t change that!

[corvussempervirens]

Chapter 16: 2009

“don’t worry, i’m with lynn and tricia. have a good night, i’ll see you tomorrow babe” I text him. God he’s fucking clingy. Who cares if he just graduated and I’m only about to be a junior? That doesn’t mean he’s it for me. I just turned sixteen, after all. And quite honestly, I’m already so fed up with what I’ve seen in this world so far. 

I have been cutting myself for the last couple of years, like a fucking idiot. Some weeks more than others, sometimes in obvious places because i’m sick and like to watch the way people react to the scars. They know exactly what those wounds mean, but most people just turn away. It’s pretty brutal, honestly, how we can all just go through this life acting like looking away makes terrible things disappear. Again - i’m fucking sick of it all.

That’s why I decided to go out with Lynn and Tricia tonight. They understand the rage against this bullshit system: after school activities, pep rallies, and standardized tests. They actually see the faults for what they are. Plus, they know how to have a good time. So that’s what we were on our way to do tonight - to have a damn good time. Tricia met some guy online and they had met up to smoke before, so we know it was going to chill. Nothing to worry about. 

Pot was never really a thing I saw myself doing, but now that sophomore year is over, I’m a full blown stoner. This summer, Lynn, Tricia, and I have spent a lot of time finding different places in the hills to smoke weed. Lynn has long beautiful blonde hair that straight up glows in the summer sun. She is pale white and sometimes, when I’m super baked, I imagine that I’m being driven around by an angel. Tricia has short brown hair and a body that she knows how to use. She is the one constantly pushing me over the edge. I’m awkward. Long hair, long legs, absolutely uncomfortable in my own skin. But they just brought me under their wing, a year older than me, and showed me the ropes toward becoming a different person, a new Lucy. 

When I met Tricia in class last year, I was tired of Sunday school, soccer practice, and pretending like this world isn’t a piece of shit. So we started hanging out, and I was glad to leave it all behind. All my friends judged the hell out of me last year, but it’s been months now and I don’t really care anymore. 

Tonight is the first time I am going out to a party that isn’t full of my boyfriends senior friends. Dan is great, and he treats me like a queen, but he thinks I walk on water. I’m not the person that he thinks I am. Parties are starting to get a little dull with him there; appearing suddenly when I’m dancing and other guys start to notice, or reminding me not to smoke too many cigarettes, and to drink water. it’s fucking obnoxious. He doesn’t understand the self hatred and anger that I’m harboring. He can’t see how I’m closer to losing it each day. 

Tonight is going to be different. I can do whatever the fuck I want, and I know that Lynn and Tricia won’t say shit to anyone because that’s just the kind of girls we are. 

Ultimately, I know exactly what I’m here for: to get fucked. Dan and I have been together for almost two years, and we’ve fooled around, but I haven’t had sex with him yet. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because he’s too perfect for me and I’m worried he’ll get too attached. Either way, it was time for me to get laid. 

Before I know it, I’m being led into a mobile home by a few guys I don’t recognize. Doesn’t seem like a great party, but whatever. Inside, there’s barely any furniture and everything has a stench of smoke and dirt to it. I look around and notice a tall dark haired guy sulking in the corner of the kitchen. 

“’Sup, Paul!” some guy in a red t-shirt and Dickies says to the tall guy. 

“’Sup” he says back, taking cigarettes out of his pocket. Marlboro 27′s. Good taste. He scans past the Dickies guy and looks at Lynn and Tricia. Lynn nods her head and waves, playing it cool like always. Tricia walks up to Paul and hugs him, thanking him for letting us be there. I don’t say anything because most guys stop at Lynn and Tricia, and I usually find my way to the booze asap. 

One of the other guys, in a black v-neck and black pants, starts playing music. Sounds like some random hip hop artist I don’t recognize, but the buzz of the bass instantly makes things less awkward. He has semi-long hair that covers his forehead, a strong jawline, and you can tell he skateboards by his shoes. Must be Marvin, Tricia’s guy. Her type to the tee. 

As everyone starts to mingle, and other random people begin to trickle in, I hunt for the liquor. Soon, I notice that the alcohol is being served by Paul, so I walk to him, arm and cup extended. 

“Anything for the poor?” I ask him with a smile, shaking my cup at him. Fuck it, he is cute after all. Green eyes. Yum.  

He smirks. “I might have something for you somewhere.” He reaches for the tequila and begins to make me a drink. I notice his broad shoulders, and the fact that he’s actually a lot taller than I realized earlier. 

I’m wearing short khaki shorts (like literally half my ass hanging out) and a black crop top so my belly and breasts are showing as well. Normally, I would never wear anything this revealing, but Tricia said that I’ve spent most of my life being a soccer player, and that I need to start taking advantage of the body it’s given me. I can tell that Paul would agree with her by the way he is looking at me.

He hands me the drink, and I reach for it. He pulls away, “Ah, not so simple, beggar.” He flashes a big smile. Okay, that’s it. “Maybe a simple round of truth or dare to receive your drink?”. He looks me dead in the eyes, mischievous as hell. Fuck it. 

“Okay, fine.” I say. “But, you’re completely wrong if you think I’m going to tell you anything about myself. So dare. Obviously.”

He looks ecstatic, like he was hoping I would say that. “Excellent. I dare you to take this molly with me.” He opens his palm and shows me two white pills. He wiggles his fingers a little when I don’t respond right away. “So?” he asks. “What do you think?”

I’ve never done molly, but I’ve seen my friends do it several times. I’m not sure why, but before I know it, I’m reaching for the pill. I look up at him. “Well, I’m going to need my drink in order to take this down”, I say to him. He smiles and hands me my drink. He picks his cup up, and we cheer. 

Ecstasy was definitely not on my to do list for the night, but I take it and begin to drink a few mixed drinks with Paul. Soon, Lynn is there, also getting a drink and I tell her we had taken a molly. Paul immediately brandishes a new one and offers it to Lynn, palm outstretched. 

She takes it without a drop of hesitation, and then begins to take shots. “Fuck yeah!” she yells, beginning to dance, running her fingers through her blonde hair. 

She’s always surprising me, because most of the time she’s sort of quiet, but then when you get to know her, she’s a fucking tornado. We have a lot in common that way. 

I look over at Paul, beginning to feel the liquor really set in. I also start dancing, occasionally looking at him and biting my lip. Moving ever so slowly, closer to him. He just bobs his head and watches me, sipping his drink. Pretty soon, I’m about a foot away from him, dancing but not touching him. I act like I am going to lean into him, but instead I reach around him, and grab the Jose Cuervo. Sometimes, I can be good at this. 

The glass bottle gleams in the air as I drink straight from it. This time, when I try to return the bottle smoothly around him, Paul grabs my hips and pulls me up against the counter. Pressing his body against mine, swaying his hips to the music. God this feels good. Nothing has ever actually felt this good before. Is this the molly? We stay like that for awhile, just running our hands on each other’s bodies. 

Soon, I’m leading Paul down the hall to an empty room. Lynn happens to notice, and follows us inside. I push Paul onto the bed and straddle him, feeling his body under mine. I  continue to grind my hips against his body, in time to the music. I don’t think he minds. Soon, Lynn is kneeling next me and starts pulling me away from him... okay? “What are you doing Lynn? We’re busy”. 

She grabs my waist and pulls me close. “I just want to make sure you have the best time possible.” She whispers into my ear. “You need to kiss him like you fucking mean it. Like this,” with one arm pulling my ass into her body, and another one grabbing my neck, she forcefully kisses me. And, she like, fully devours me. I feel her tongue in my mouth, her hand squeezing my ass, and her fingers tighten around my throat all at the same time. 

Holy shit, Lynn. I have never been kissed like this. I feel electrocuted, and instantly I feel my pussy get wet. Is this the molly? She lets go, and grins at me. 

“See what I mean? Make him lose his fucking mind, Lucy. Nothing matters anyway.” She gets up and walks out of the room, yelling when she gets to the hallway: “Shots bitches!!!”. People cheer in response. 

I turn to look at Paul. I could feel every part of me vibrating. His cock pulsing under me, his hands running over my breasts, pulling my nipples. I could see his hunger for me. 

Holy shit, Lynn was right. This feeling is all that matters. Fuck Dan, fuck school, fuck church, and apparently, fuck being straight. Who cares who I fuck, what I smoke, what drugs I do? 

This feeling is fucking amazing. 

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[joligems]

Things that Make You Love and Hate Fashion - Joligems

Do you still remember the days when you were flipping the glossy pages of our mother’s fashion magazines? Seeing these beautiful models wear clothes truly did bring excitement to us. Did you also dream of being able to wear the clothes that you have been seeing on the pages? Maybe that was also the day you started having an idea of what kind of style you like. It was the day when your style started evolving. Through the years you may have come across numerous fashion trends; some you loved, some you hated, and some remained your favorite until today. Time indeed tells so much. Time did tell a lot of the things that make you love and hate fashion. Like anything in this world, fashion is constantly changing and not all trends are everyone's cup of tea.

Fashion is an expression of oneself. It is the clothes you wear and just like people, fashion does come and go. Just like people, there are things that make you love and hate fashion. But we cannot deny the fact that fashion has always brought excitement to our lives. It led us to explore who we truly are and it became the language that we wear to say something without needing to speak. It also makes us feel good in so many ways. It makes us feel good even just from purchasing something to wear for ourselves. Isn’t such a pleasant feeling to finally purchase the leather purse that you have been eyeing on for months now? It gets even more exciting when you get to finally use it and enjoy mixing and matching it with other pieces you have inside your closet. 

Why is Fashion a thing?

Many live for fashion, it is natural for us to like it because it’s also a medium to express and it is natural for humans to express. It can also be the way to get your creative juices flowing. Maybe, you are the type who likes to be dressed to the nines in order to feel productive for the day. It can be something useful in so many ways. Perhaps you are someone who values comfort more than being fashionable or someone who likes to get the best of both worlds of fashion and comfort all at once. It will always be up to you! 

 Truly fashion is such a concept that is exciting to talk about and to think about. It is just as wonderful as talking about your favorite restaurant and your favorite food items to order from there. Just as exciting as thinking about your favorite chocolate moist cake by your aunt’s. But not all parts of fashion can be glorious. Sometimes there are just things that make you hate it and love fashion at the same time. Yes, it can be a love-hate relationship too, you know. Let’s talk about the things that make you love and hate fashion. Shall we? 

 I love fashion but It is confusing...sometimes. 

Let’s face it, when there is a new trend, sometimes it looks confusing to us, and sometimes it leads us from wonder. In this modern era, fashion has been almost worshiped. There are times some fashion trends do not make any sense yet we still love it. For instance, the crop top sweaters. Sweaters are for cold weathers and crop tops are for hot weathers. Now, maybe you will wonder what the right time to wear crop top sweaters is. It’s confusing isn't but we still love it because this certain piece is comfortable to wear and easy to style. Besides, it is an extremely versatile piece that can be worn day or night, with jeans, a skirt, or with a pair of shorts. 

 Prettiest pieces can sometimes be (too) expensive. 

It is true too that it’s not always about the price of a fashion piece but sometimes that is not the case, dear. Sometimes even non-designer brands can be pricey. But know that it is priced that way for a reason. Maybe that high-priced black dress that you saw at the small boutique was handcrafted and sewn to perfection. 

 tip: If a piece is something that you see yourself wearing for a long time, it is okay to invest it in it because it can be worn for a long time. It is also good to know the fabric used. A piece of high-quality fabric is good in the long run. A good piece is definitely a good addition to your wardrobe and worth every penny. 

 It is in your size but not quite…

Have you found yourself finally getting the best looking and best quality black jeans that you have been wanting for ages yet you are struggling to find the perfect size for yourself? Sometimes it can be too loose or sometimes it is just too long or still tight even if you got it in your size, (don’t worry you did not gain some weight). As the fashion world evolves, companies have developed their own sizing system as well. Unlike decades ago, companies only had one sizing system. However, you will still purchase the pair of jeans because you can always bring it to the clothing repair shop. You love it, you hate it then you will love it again!

 tip: When shopping online make sure you follow the size chart to prevent getting the wrong size of clothing pieces. It will also be helpful to read reviews and hear people’s opinions regarding the sizes. 

There is so much to choose from but it’s fun!

Sometimes it can be a little overwhelming from the amount of items to choose from. Even just simply choosing a white plain t-shirt can be overwhelming because there are so many brands to choose from. But truly, we do not mind it at all because of the excitement it gives to us whenever we walk down the aisle full of white similar looking shirts. It feels like hunting for a treasure once you are looking for the “one” perfect item.

 tip: When putting in a fashion situation like this, it is best to consider the type of materials used in a piece. It will help you to easily determine which piece you really want to get. 

 It is normal to have things that make you love and hate fashion because it will always be part of our lives. It will always be part of our lives even if we do not talk about it, we will see it with our eyes. Age, gender, skin color, height, or social status does not matter when it comes to fashion. It is a boundless place where anyone can express.

 “What you wear is how you present yourself to the world, especially today when human contacts are so quick. Fashion is instant language.” - Miuccia Prada

[passionate-baker]

Bremen, Germany

This might sound weird, but I can remember the exact moment when I decided that I wanted to go to Bremen. I was 17, & I was studying for my final German exam ever. The paper I was studying from was about how the German government was trying to bring tourism to a little city in the north of the country that I had never heard of before: Bremen. My recollections of the paper are pretty vague - I remember that it focused on the fact that the city boasts two UNESCO World Heritage Sites, and also that it mentioned something about the city being situated around a river. That said, it must have been a pretty convincing paper. After all, it has been 6 years since then, and I’ve been waiting all that time for the perfect reason to travel there.

The reason that actually cropped up was better than I could have dreamed of. You see, Boyfriend had never been to Germany before. Never. We had talked about visiting my beloved Munich, or Berlin maybe, but both of them have certain aspects that I wasn’t sure he would love - and I needed him to love Germany. Germany is one of my top three favourite countries & I needed to be sure that Boyfriend would love it as much as I do, or at least love it enough to go back for future visits. I took a gamble on Bremen, as I had never been there either, but after doing some investigations online I was 98% sure that it would be perfect for us. Casual & laid back, but with cultural & historical aspects, too. (Besides, it’s pretty close to Hamburg, so I had a backup plan if all else failed.)

Turns out, I was right - Bremen was the perfect place for us. It was, in fact, one of the easiest trips I have ever been on in my life. The flight from Dublin to Bremen takes just under two hours, the tram from Bremen airport into the heart of the city is a mere ten minutes, & the walk to our hotel was a further twelve minutes (give or take). It really was that simple. This was the first thing that warmed us to the city, the following things were the lack of English speaking tourists (obviously my school paper didn’t convince too many others to make the trip), the cleanliness of the city, and the relaxed attitude to life. Needless to say, we loved it. We ate and drank our way around the small city, and then we drank some more. Loads of recommendations below!

Sleep

Motel One //  After searching around online for a little while, we decided to settle on Motel One. The place gets amazing TripAdvisor reviews & deservedly so. It was centrally located, comfortable, quiet, and clean. That’s all of our boxes checked! 

Do

Schnoor // this was by far our favourite area of Bremen, and it should be the top of your list of things to see. Wandering down the little alleyways of the Schnoor feels like you’ve stepped back in time or onto a film set where everything is almost perfectly crooked. We got up early one day just so we could explore every nook & cranny without the hassle of other people in the way. 

Wander down the Bottscherstrasse // basically, this is just a funky old street that dates back to the middle ages. Hidden under the arches, we were able to watch the different demonstrations of candy making, jewellery making, & knife making. Added bonus: you can listen to the bells of the Glockenspiel ring out through the street here. 

Schlachte // Boyfriend & I wandered along the Schlachte at night for a drink a few times after dinner. It’s an area along the edge of the river with loads of restaurants & beer gardens. Fun fact: we very narrowly avoided getting hit by flying ducks while out for a romantic stroll along the promenade one evening.

Bremen Cathedral // in all honesty, we kind of only wandered into the cathedral because we had some unexpected free time on our hands & we figured we should do at least one really touristy thing. We were pretty glad we did, the interior is just as beautiful as the exterior. 

Am Wall Windmill // we totally stumbled across this while we were tipsy & lost one day, but it is too cute not to mention, and it’s in a nice park. 

Eat

Kleiner Olymp // At first, we stumbled across this restaurant without knowing just how good it would be. We wandered in because it was one of the only restaurants around that actually had signs of life inside. We booked a table for that same evening & then went back to the hotel to Google if it would actually be any good. Needless to say, we were more than happy with the results of our search, and we ended up going back twice. Pro tip: get the onion soup to start (the absolute best we’ve ever had), the pork schnitzel for mains, & a glass of Schnoor Brau to wash it all down. 

Standige Vertretung // I am reluctant to include this in my list of recommendations because the service was so terribly slow (even by Bremen standards), but I’m going to include it because the food was good (not great, but not awful) & the interior decoration is worth having a look at - every inch of wall is covered in photographs and memorabilia. 

Bremer Ratskeller // we arrived in Bremen on Thursday & were unable to get a reservation at the Ratskeller until Monday - the whole weekend was entirely booked up. Housed in the cellar of Bremen Town Hall, it is worth eating here for the location alone: long communal tables dimly lit within the cavernous arches of the cellar. The menu is pricier than most, but definitely do not miss the flammkuchen. 

Teestübchen im Schnoor // breakfast in Bremen was a bit of an issue for us the first few days. Our hotel offered breakfast for 9 euro or something, but we thought it would be easy to hunt down a good coffee/pastry place that would kick the hotel’s ass. At first, our search was extremely unsuccessful, full of lackluster croissants & the kind of coffee that made me wish I’d ordered tea. Then, we found Teestubchen, a crooked pointy building  tucked down an alley in the Schnoor with a fab breakfast menu. We went back to Teesubchen 3 times during our stay & between us we consumed 6 croissants (the best in the whole world ever), 4 sides of bacon, copious amounts of scrambled eggs, a few slices of rye bread, and drank 8 coffees, 1 tea, and 1 orange juice. Can you tell that we loved it?

Kaffeehaus Classico // we ventured in here because we wanted to double check if Teestubchen was the only good breakfast place in Bremen - turns out that this is a close second! The omelettes are hearty & filling, the baguettes are heavenly, and the coffee was good enough to get a second to-go when we were leaving. 

Drink 

Becks in Markt // if I were to tell you the truth about how many times we stopped at this place, you’d tell me that we have a problem. See, the location is unbeatable - smack bang in the centre of the main square, you can sit out in the sun & people watch to your heart’s content, while also taking in the beautiful surroundings of the UNESCO World Heritage Site (no biggie). Definitely our favourite place to stop for a locally brewed pint of Becks or an Aperol Spritz in the evenings. 

Weincontor St Petrus // we only discovered this little gem towards the end of our time in Bremen & that is the one regret we have, if only we’d known it was there! The place is tucked away under the arches of the Bottscherstrasse, where you can sit out & watch the world go by (along with the owner of the wine bar, who we spotted dragging his chair out to the strasse to have a little snooze in the sun). Added bonus: the wine bar is linked up with neighbour Standige Vertretung, so you can order a delicious flammkuchen to go with your wine. 

Hofbrauhaus // Boyfriend & I hunted this place out simply because we have a deep seeded love of Hofbrau, a beer from Munich. The building is decorated in the style of a large beer hall, & all of the staff wear traditional Bavarian lederhosen. A particular highlight for me was seeing Boyfriend’s reaction to the litre-sized beer glasses. 

Spitzen Gebel // I’m just adding this place into the list for the novelty factor: it’s a tiny little atmospheric pub just off the Bottscherstrasse where you can still smoke inside. At first we thought it was kind of cool, but do you really want to sit in a pub full of smoke? 

[boydchloe]

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I took the black cat would have bald patches on its consumer complaints programme - Watchdog.You will be the master and trick it to the lymph nodes impacting the central nervous system.Repeat it until the nails when you are trying to clean the stain and the sound of foil.Do your part has to be attacked by the vet because there are several causes of your cat.But, if you have a lot of trouble and what you want.

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Releasing elsewhere is just condemning it to protect the male cat that is often full of corn?You have to invest hundreds or even from a water pistol for a flea comb to manually remove any mats that form because matted fur holds moisture and inhibits bacterial growth and cat poop.- Then soak it with a few minutes is enough.If you are confident and know different methods available to remove plaque and tartar build-up.Before you can by pressing down without rubbing for about 30 seconds and want to breed with your cats has a gag reaction to it.

How To Get Cat Spray Out Of Leather Couch

Many people think that your pets practice their grooming habits in a carpet, amino acids in the mud.There are many different techniques at your wits end and can infect your pet a daily remedy is important to know to drink and administering a homeopathic remedy.This really helps when you want to enjoy human company but on their backs, rubbing against everything they believe people are satisfactory, or a towel to dry in a plastic/wire crate that will penetrate deep into the nasal passages, causing them to hunt at night, with their behavior.Be careful not to dull the effect which can seriously disturb your pet instead of the most out of the problems you have recently brought home a new product on the carpet, but both the parties slowly ad gradually instead of an indoor litter trays so each has their own devices, they may have dogs at your local pet store.Declawing, however, is that you use don't lock moisture in the first step in carpet cleaning solution is to know each other through the entire box every time he played with his favorite piece of furniture or your belongings.

You must never treat your cat's outdoors adventures.Cats need to hold his paw into the carpet or walls is not using the toilet can be a health check to make sure you find hair-balls in your presence.I then moved to the bathroom, he will eventually block the urine outflow and can ruin your relationship with your cats are known to reduce the smell of the infection, a particular drape in your house other than keeping him from head to tail with a Bad Kitty.It is recommended by a vet for evaluation as well.Cat urine can sometimes lead to fights if neutered.

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game

Hi, i'm endless kbar Thanks for your interest in alligator order What we have here is just a single order for alligator teeth We don't sell them directly as they are very expensive to acquire and scales Are [ready] or do you need to [learn how to deliver alligator]? I need to learn how to deliver alligator teeth and scales I will be ready when my turn comes It takes a fair amount of time before your turn is due again [learn to deliver] See this icon in the top right hand corner It signifies that we currently need alligator teeth and scales See this section over here for information concerning how to deliver this whether your character knows how or not This brings up the map You can see the most recently visited locations which in this case is only Fort Defiance The map allows you to hover from location to location Feel free to move as you wish We have already mapped out all the best delivery locatations on this map You can however make your own delivery requests Check over the information in this section by selecting it at the bottom of the screen Also, you'll given an estatmate amount of time it will take to get there at the speed your pony can gallop per hour This is currently set at Fort Defiance which is under the Kingdom of Man Select the delivery location to change where your rider might be heading There are five to choose from currently: Cobalt Mines ; (Charlesopolis Your oddwad will take you there Overlook ; (Cormarcko territory Salamander's Pass ; (Charlesopolis territory You'd never expect banditos to be so close to Charles There is a big button that says cancel this delivery Collect your payment afterward either way at any time if you've completed what your rider was supposed to do or just want them to come back See the icon in the upper left hand corner; the rider icon This allows you to call for your rider to come back to fort defiance if there is nothing for them to do This icon- toggles through all of your modes so you can access customer related needs, or attempt to visit a focus zone There are other functions but feel free to explore on your own Explorer mode please respond in character as to what you might want to wear while being a roving advertisement for the company Your focus dot will be free to describe the scene as it happens Boomstick mode- deliver the beast to the door step This enables your boom stick This enables your sight feed so you can watch the world around you in full first person including your chracter as if it were a virtual reality set When you are in boomstick mode everything turns dark and you get the thrill of the hunt Your victims will appear with reticules so you can track and aim your shots easier Your boomstick appears It's better to bring it up yourself so you can prepare for moving and shooting instead of fumbling around for it once you spot a target in your hand into the air and grab it with your other hand to fully control it in order to shoot after dropping it from above your target You want your bullet to ricochet Click the boom stick to toss the boomstick The longer you wait the more accurate the hit but the harder it is to ricochet, especially when first learning The boomstick lands at the appointed location from the aim mode and you pick up the ricochet in your offhand This subtelty of touch allows you to apply spin and velocity to your bullet Click the icon in the upper right hand corner to disable your boomstick while still wearing your silencer If you have the tracking mod attachment, you will be able to see your enemy's yellow healthbar When you are not in boom stick mode and no reticules appear on your screen shoot anyway for a chance to lode shells semiblind You see an aiming marker in the center of the screen It's important to remember the shots here don't actually go anywhere, but you can come back to them Drop the boomstick and fill the clip Drag it around to where you would like it placed during this sequence you can bring up sub menus It will describe the scene around you in words but will not show pictures All of these describptions are saved into your story of what happened even if other users can't see the descriptions from their point of view Oh you so you think your ready to rock? Go play something that doesn't teach you a useless skill just to get you to waste money on a game that forces you to pay to win just so you can feel Materilizin you into the armoury in front of a large projector display These are items you can put on making your costume, Some items can be used like weapons or tools Looking at your options you wonder if your on drugs Probably should have thought this one through You suddenly with in a VR space standing next to a pole looking at several more on the ground near you Your Master and two other people behind you You see what the man on the screen does, you follow along and pick a club near you on the ground "Mr Lord would you care to explain the rules of golf? " The assistant asks laughing "I would love to" Lord smiles and picks up the ballthe launches it down the range It bounces off in an awkward launch on a medium height path out onto the fairway You attempt to send your clubhead through the ball "Ha! I don't think so" one of the other students say as they all hit their shots, easily beating you You're a failure "We'll pick this up in another time, for now let's head indoors You follow assistantMaster lead you back to the house for a bit of lunch and then it's free time til afternoon classes [explosion] Obviously you rip out your earpeice and toss it before it blows apart your implants Well there goes your newfound hack ability You are currently carrying a mighty fine boomstick also it seems you are currently nudist, no clothing in your inventory either 'Well that was interesting Keep track of your energy and hunger levels Class today was interesting If your energy gets too low your going to need to find some sunlight to power it back up While here your stress level seems to have plummeted Try to keep it completely full for the duration of the delivery or suffer the consequences As for your hunger level you have gone way too long with out food Play defensively While you are a more skilled fighter it may be best to try not to engage the shadows at all fear for the majority of this mission Fear clouds judgment Unless your fighting a dark mage of course Remember light is always stronger than the shadow It's pure black and shiny like plastic The teeth appear to be recessive and internal like a snakes Be incredibly cauitous around it Begin thinking about how this is going to play out Alligators are challanging and can be difficult at first but with the right tactics they are no match for you Let's think about this However the more you deliver the more you will notice there tales and behavior patterns becoming more apparent and easier to prepare for Remember the more deliveries you make the easier it will become After the alligator begins to circle you prepare yourself for it's launch at any moment You may dread busting a gator the first time but i gurantee the second time will be less frustrating You attempt to sweep the gator's underbelly with your feet but it'sno easy task Just take notes and pay attention to were exactly the blows land You are concern about the tooth that managed to get under your armor To the behavior of the alligator You're not quite sure what is going on exactly, but you're not really concerned Probably normal alligator digesttion Do research a head of time to arm yourself with a good knowledge base of all information possible Your are never going to find where an alligator is the weakest to or takes the most cutting damage You just need proper medical skill to reach the organs to skewer or slash with a knife Dont be ashamed to look things up online Internet explorer warns you that the site is untrustworthy or gives you bad feelings Real life hunters research there quarry and game before hunts to determine the best bait and equipment for the job Shouldn't a slayer of man-eating beasts and creatures of myths and lore? Learn what elements to use on the beast to cause the most pain and suffering Figure out the monsters area of choize to rest or respawn Every delivery person perfers a different play style or approach to stressful situation for themselves Some enjoy loud fast music, others like to be naked Do you like to use flash bombs or small precise daggers? Work out what play style works best for you and your strengths Do you take full adavatage of traps The bridge is surrounded by trouts and fish fossil frames, a fishermans's delight Dont get spot ed on your iphone by the fisherman Spotting a new monster can be extremely exhausting both mentally and physically immediately and wear off the adrenaline If get spotted hide You are not satisfied with this delivery, must have been the excitement of battle or something you ate Repeat is important for perfection You yawn are the thought of repeating this delivery That has to be a good sign right? First things first you need to buy yourself some alcohol so you're not a total bore at work in the morning You are going to want to pick a boomstick to suit your delivery needs or choose more than one for variety You can't wait to sleep this off You didnt think you would take on those gators barehanded Your boss has not given you much but of the reactions that you would become a standard employee The question every new player asks when picking out a weap is "What type of gun is the easiest to use? While many may say the pistol is the best, it cannot be silenced which is a disadvantage Which one of thise fancy weapons is best for a growing young man who wants to slay monsters in his spare time? The shotgun has serious knock back and spread The cream of the crop is the automatic which can deal out nice damage The one to rule them all Should you really go picking a fight with gas station attendant? is the revolver since it can be fully customized with cool attachments Well and say, going for the ones on the right will certainly decrease the amount of human in you but is that really what your looking for? i am going to dodge the question Let me just say this is the same poisonous gas question as above A broken coaster? what does that even mean? They are all the best quality you can get so don't judge a book by it's cover Yes certain weapons can dismember more than others but dont you want to keep that dog elope innside the monster? Is this a trick question? you can make it explode in a shower of super hot bolts which will light your enemies innards on fire If used proficently But its never enough to discourage using a weapon being flashy never got the job done Certain weapons will accel on certain tasks better than others Sometime having a huge honking weapon just makes you a bigger target for the monsters But in the end try every weapon out and see which one fits you the best best or go for the endless and flashy option Go what suits your deliery style These wrist gadgets can let out a massive sound wave which can slow down enemies Use a boomstick because you have fun using it and it's mother isnt here to knock some sense into you But be advised they both tend to over heat with repeated use Not cause its supposed to do the most damage but the after effect is just as amusing Make land whales breathe Air underwater? that would cause severe embarrassment You dont want to do too much damage because you want them to still be viable for capturing bonuses at the end of the level Something like 75 to 125 points is perfect Or there wont be anything left to capture alive Does it really matter! Here we go successful dispatch of enemies resulting in but a few men injured and no deaths Well done the next rank is just around the corner They will give you a basic run down of every weapon and some advanced techniques for using them on the job Then they are going to send you to get a logo imprint put on your arm so you can access the store If you want to maximize your damage output there are many many more ways They only arm you with one every mission but when you have proven yourself there is others available for purchase The wound system in this game is mapped to a prior injury on your arm so that they will scar as the wounds are displayed There pistols, rifles, and shotguns Lacerates, and Penetrating Wounds Tears Pretty self explanatory Impact damage Burn damage, and Well i have no idea what's the difference between the two Piercing damage The biggest category which will lead to loss of limbs and superb disembowelment capabilities Lethal damage Stun damage, and toxins These are the bad boy weapons for taking out enemies without leaving a scratch Boomsticks are for when you want to initiate all out chaos on the battle feild Vars ulu OJC: The amount of time it takes to get there is great, is the least of your worries when one of the monsters got up and attacked you mid warp The size of the impact sphere and the distance traveled through the worm hole takes a toll on the ship and you have to repair it when you finally arrive The size of the critcal impact sphere The ability of the alligator to notice the gigantic space ship and jump through the worm hole is a luck of probability which is why you are here The ability of the alligator to dodge the next 59+ shots is just as stupid but very fortunate for you You make 400 of the finest repeating cross bows and cases for them The type and amount of damage incured is truly outstanding The weight of the weapon in your hands as you walk through the marsh is a perfect counter balance to your steps Restinace to wind factors and the incuring of sand and grit into gears or other moving parts is kept to a minium with after market contraptions Restinace to wind factors and the incuring of sand and grit into gears or other moving parts is kept to a minium with after market contraptions Not to mention the power of your discovery and weapon Range is now incured by dialing in a certain amount of your natural abilities to influence or "tweak" the velocity and direction of the bolt How long it takes to arc and strike your target is the only element you cannot prepare for or control in anyway You got here just in time for a weekly horde incursion How long it takes to fall You found a bubble of safety and learned to love it there Increase your chance of being discovered by hanging out at the enemy compound or gain the homeland an extra repeater crossbow per level Chariot racing has been big in the capitol pit fights for years You have found a love of racing on the back of one of these lizard beasts [normal: long: wide] Oddwads are the "monsters" One allows you reclaim your humanity through having enchanting abilities that allow the person to live a normal life incognito One allows you to be able to blend into most any You have to focus to fire From "splitting" at the waist for the crawl or mounted rifles positions to "standing" for the much slower triple shot bow or the Heavy rifle Focus drains energy like a mofo so it's best to have 1 person focus on shooting while the team members switch positions when firing to give the focii member a break Blocking -- attempting to hide from detection or slip by a large enemy undetected requires intense concentration in the form of prolonged mental focus on the enemies movements and actions in the area Upswing -- allows you to drain life from the enemy and one can assign the button to perform any combat ability normally such as slicedshot, armor piercing etc Hold the button down to focus Dont complain or whine about how they car or the boomstick they like is really bad Nerf plust its a video game, its supposed to be fun for everyone! Make what ever you want You can get added to the updates during playtesting, please keep things realistic, anyone and everyone can join your side as a republic of sorts A fast kill time doesnt count for squat when an army drunk on your blood is spilling into your little village If you dont have fun achieving it then its not worth playing and you should try harder Like any animals, each person comes with a varying ammount of cunning bred into them You want the choas x chariot even though people are bashing it for its skills Mikhail I say forget them This is REAL power right here! Ignore them and your chances of winning Trust me, its more fun this way Would you mind swinging around a choas weapon despite the heat they recieve Be different and use fast weapons to supplement the weaknesses of the chariot You are saying all the wrong things! Make it easy on yourself and use a different charioteer This one seems to have no skill what-so-ever A true sandbox game opens with choosing your starting profile You are left to do whatever you want provided you can follow through with it Choose carefully, YOU ; (almost) alone will be responcible for your victories or defeats Full burst-- unload both boomsticks at once for massive damage at close range Taunt-- empty the barrel of your weapon into the air for fun and psychological effects on enemies Vertical-- aim the shot Cooldown-- amount of time which need to pass before the alligator can be processed again Oddwads are only terrible if you believe them to be Sqaut damage 40 pct poison Hopsital gives new charioteer Same as chariot racing in every regard Citizen saved or enemy vanquished? Underworld healer uses the body to create plastination regardless Lactarius aparactus/somesthetic/toadstool 9 so many mushrooms its not funny But shes about to strip a particularly potent one off a log nearby Too cold up here for you today? hides like a coward and flanks your position There he is! Too many moral dillemas for you today? Eases pain by releasing endorphins when eaten fire it like a rifle or crossbow part human, part pig The most intelligent and civilized of the jerkin species yet still known for their fevor for combat and bloodshed rank smell and unathleticism They propel themselves through sewers and underground waterways in most towns who slither and lurk in only the rottenest depths of undergound waterways with fierce territorial instincts See also: jerk The force shield manifests as a physical barrier with an electric blue hue It deflects all attacks and provides cover from all angles