#so i guess if you want more. ask. i didnt realise how many i had damn

[a-strange-familiar]

please give us part 2 with happy ending 😫😫😭😭😭😭

Better man -2

A/n : I know you guys hate me, but guess what. Jokes on you cause I hate myself too. I'm sorry I took forever to write this. I know, I'm sorry. As I said my life is shitty rn so I stuck to just reading for a while and I didn't want to write with a wrong state of mind. But I'm back, here is your promised part 2 of Better man.

Warnings : Angst, alcohol mention, lil swearing.

Summary : Harry is a typical asshole rockstar and Y/n is naive and in love with him.

(I'm sorry again for the late. I love you all. Thank you sticking with me.) Part - 1. ( read part 1 before )

-- 6 months later --

This love is a fucking shit show. You fall in love with someone and literally fall, you'll fall and crash, and break your bones but nothing hurts. No matter how toxic the other person is or how shitty they treat you, you will be in that high and can't even feel any of those things. But when you come out of that high, when you start to see the real colours of that person then you will realise the pain. The aftermath is horrible.

After that night when Y/n ended things with Harry she felt numb for few days. She didn't feel anything for a while, she cried that night but later nothing for few days.

But after a week it hit her like a train. Everything, all the things they did, all the memories they had, everything made her cry. She cried and cried and cried until she felt there are no tears left in her anymore.

She was broken, she still didn't understand why she was not enough for him. She still didn't understand why is it that hard for him to love her back. But everything is over so she tried to get over him, she did everything to stop thinking about him.

She gave him her world and he shattered that world into pieces. Obviously it's hard to get over it. She took time but she did it. She changed.

She is over him now.

It's been months, few hard months but she is strong, stronger than ever before. Yes, there were days when she drove around the city and parked her car at some random parking lot and cried there alone in one of his old t-shirts he left at hers because every place reminded him, her house, her balcony, her bedroom, her favorite coffee shop.

But as the time goes by she started to understand that she deserves better than him and she just can't sit and cry for someone who don't even give a single fuck about her.

Eva, her best friend was her biggest support in this process. She made sure Y/n is doing well, she is like sister to Y/n that she never had. Eva used drop by at midnights to check on Y/n. Y/n will be forever thankful for her. She was soo lucky to have her in her life. And Eva never said anything like 'told you so'. Y/n know that she was upset but she understood and Y/n was glad that she did.

And even Sarah understood everything, she made sure Y/n was ok. She couldn't take sides because Harry is also her friend and her boss. But she understood where they both were coming from. She couldn't do more than just consoling them. And Y/n understood.

Now she is healed. She became a better version of her self. She stopped depending on others for her happiness. She started loving herself, which a very big change. She stopped checking about him on social medias or asking about him, trying to know about him.

But it's not completely possible to forget him like that, she still remembered him time to time. After all she loved him with her entire soul. But she made sure that it doesn't break her anymore. But a small part of her heart still beats for him.

*☆•°..*☆•°..*

While Y/n is healing and getting better Harry is breaking and getting worse.

He left her house that night after staring at her closed bedroom door for a while. He never understood why he didnt say anything. He just left.

For a while he didn't understand why it's hurting him.

He didn't love her or anything, so why is does it feel like some thing or someone is breaking inside ?

He spent many nights thinking about her. About what she might be doing at that particular moment, is she still crying? Or did she finally realised that he is an asshole and forgot him.

He knew he hurt her, but he can't help it. He didn't do that on purpose. He could never do it on purpose. Yes he was a dick to her. But he was afraid, afraid that he might hurt her and himself. His life is a shit show, everyone he meet will be in public's eye. People will make their life hell. He didn't want that to happen to Y/n.

That's one of the reasons. But the main reason was, he was afraid of love. He was afraid of commitment. His past relationships taught him a lot and he was afraid. And Y/n is an angel, she don't deserve him so he kept telling himself that it's not worth it. That he will make their both lives hell. So he just kept doing what they were doing.

You know that feeling? when you find a person who is a walking green flag. But you become a walking red flag because of your past relationships. That's what happened to Harry. They turned him into an asshole, so he stopped thinking about others and became selfish.

But nothing gives an explanation to why he hurt Y/n. He knew that too. He can't give a perfect reason why he hurt her, broke her. He could have left her the moment she told him her feelings but he didn't, he just pretended that nothing happened. A part of him didn't want to leave her.

There were days when he used to sit and wonder why he was such an ass to her.

"Am I that hard to love, Harry ?"

Her words used ring in his eras, he still remembered her eyes when she asked him that. The pain in them, the hurt. He literally used to beat himself whenever he remembered that expression. Thinking why couldn't he answer her at that moment?

He used to drink until he blacked out. He used to drink and sit and cry like a baby in his room. He felt like his heart was breaking into small pieces and he could feel every piece breaking.

He used to cry thinking about her. Tears running down his face, he couldn't figure out why ? He used lock himself in his room and sob thinking about her. Her memories used to kill him. He used to behave like a zombie and it scared everyone. He started to zone out at work, he started skip his studio sessions and spent his time alone thinking about her.

And he finally understood that he love her. He always did, but refused to belive it.

The moment he saw her sitting alone in that party while everyone are drinking and having fun he knew that she is different. As cliché as it sounds he just felt it.

And in the process of getting to know her he like her, a lot. But he never said that to her, they were going casual and he wanted to keep it that way. He tried to be as distant ad possible, he ignored her on purpose. He know if he didn't he will fuck up and fall in love with her. But he did anyways. But now it's too late, he can't do anything other than sit and cry.

He tried to get into contact with her but she blocked him everywhere which he expected and deserved. He used to ask Sarah about her but she said nothing which he also understood.

He was at his worst, he still is after months. He still didn't forget her. He know he can't, she everywhere. He started to see her in every person, no girl is as perfect as her. No one can be a comparison. He wished that he said that to her. Said how much she means to him, how much he love her, how much he adore her. But didn't and now he can't. He don't even know whether she will for give him or not.

*☆•°..*☆•°..*

It's been months since he actually had fun. He stopped hanging out with his friends and going out a lot. He stopped hooking up with girls, he pretty much stopped everything. And his friend are worried about him because he is not himself so they forced him to go out today.

So here he is, sitting in the bar and pretending to listen to the conversation happening around and sipping on his drink. He could have done this at his house too.

Thats when he saw Eva. He know Eva, he met her a couple of times. She is Y/n's best friend and he also know that she is not a very big fan of him.

She is taking with a blonde guy at the other side of the bar, he swiftly checked if Y/n was here too. But for his disappointment she is not. Eva is alone with that guy.

He contemplated on going to her and talking. It's been months and he don't know how Y/n is doing, and he wanted to knoe very badly. But most probably Eva will not talk to him.

He saw that blonde guy wishpered something and leave. Harry thought it's the right time, if he hesitate now he may never get a chance to know about Y/n. So he excused himself from his friends and his way towards Eva.

"Eva." He called her with a hesitant voice.

She turned and looked at him. She had this unpleasant look on her face which is Harry is not used to, but he know that he deserves it.

"Umm... hi. How are you ? "

She rolled her eyes. "What do you want, Harry? " her tone is uninterested.

"I - I just wanted to say hi." He scratched back of his neck, he is uncomfortable.

"I'm not interested in small talk with you. So if you don't mind." She started to leave.

"Wait" he said in a hurry.

"I just wanted to talk for a minute."

"What do you wanna talk about Harry ? About Y/n ?" She asked in a mocking way.

"Umm. Ye - yes. I just want to know how is she doing ?"

She scoffed "Are you for real?"

He sighed "Look , Eva I'm sorry for everything. I never wanted this to happen this way. I know I'm a dick. I don't deserve her"

"Yes, you really don't." She interrupted him

"I know. But I don't.. I can't get her out of my mind. I just - I just I feel like ... it's killing me. "

She was silent for a moment.

"Look I just wanted know about her, how is she ?"

"Oh she is very happy ,Harry thank you for your concern." She said sarcastically.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what ? For hurting and breaking her heart while you were enjoying with other girls?"

He closed his eyes. Everything hurts, listening to her say those things out hurts even more.

"I know." His voice is shaky. He is on the verge of crying. But he can't.

"Harry, I don't know why you didn't love her, I don't even wanna know. But atleast you could have left before everything went to south. She don't deserve this. You have no idea how much of dick you are." Her anger towards him, and her concern and love towards Y/n is clearly visible in her eyes and voice. And he is kinda happy that Y/n have a friend like Eva.

"I know I ruined her. Bu-"

She cut him with a laugh. A real laugh like he said something funny.

"Ruined her ?" She scoffed.

"You might hurt her or break her heart but you can never ruin or destroy her. She is stronger than you think. Maybe she is an idiot to love someone like you but not weak. No one can ruin her , not even you."

He know that. He know she is strong. He know that his Y/n is stronger than anyone else.

It's silent between them for a minute.

"I need to go." She said and started walking away but stopped after taking a step.

"She doing fine without you. So please don't bother her anymore. " With that she walked away leaving him alone.

*☆•°..*☆•°..*

It's been two weeks since he talked to Eva. She said Y/n is fine. He is happy to hear that, that's all he want. But he is not sure about trying to not to reach her. He actually tried to many times in all these months but never dared to directly meet her. He also went to her house many times but came back without knocking on the door. He was afraid.

Right now he is sitting in Y/n's favorite cafe. It's one of Y/n's most favorite places. They came here together once. It's a beautiful place, it's really cozy. It's have a welcoming atmosphere and ambience. The rich aroma of coffee hitting his nose and the small chattering of people making him feel better.

He sat at the very end of the cafe. With his coffee infront of him. He came here hoping that he would see her. It's not the first time, he came here many times before to see her but never did. He thought maybe she stopped coming here or he didn't catch her at right time.

He was in his thoughts when he heard the chime of the bell on the front door. He looked up as an instinct, then he saw her.

He saw Y/n coming inside of the cafe. She is beautiful as always. But definitely different, something is missing, at the same time it feels like she has something new in her.

She is wearing a high waist jeans and a red halter top. Her hair got a bit longer than the last time he saw her and she is smiling.

Oh god he missed her smile.

Seeing her here feels a bit surreal to him. He missed her like hell. He missed her smile, her voice, her touch, everything. He just want to run to her and hug her right now but he know that he can't.

He was so caught up on admiring her that he missed to see that there is a guy walking behind her. She was smiling at him, laughing at something he said.

His chest tightened, he breath hitched.

She was with someone, someone that is making her smile and laugh. Someone who is making her happy.

She looked happy.

That guy was handsome brunette and maybe a couple of inches taller than Harry. He have a sharp jawline and a charming smile. Just in a word he looked soo good. And Harry hated that.

They both sat at the far and of the cafe from Harry but he can see them clearly, he can see her smile the way she is looking at him and the way she is soo concentrated on whatever the hell he is saying.

That's the moment he understood that he lost her. He had her for soo long but he kept pushing her and now he lost her.

It felt like his world is completely crumbling right under his feet and there is nothing he can do.

She is happy, he can tell that much. And that's what he want. He made her sad and hurt her a lot and now he wish nothing but happiness to her even if it's leaving her and stepping aside and letting her go.

This is it.

With a sad smile on his face and tears rolling down his cheeks he got up from his seat and went out of the cafe without a single glance back at her.

.

Meanwhile Y/n didn't know that Harry was in the cafe watching her and left heartbroken. She was busy listening the story the guy in front of her was telling. Noah is telling her about his parents last year's wedding anniversary.

Noah, he is her colleague. He is a very nice guy, handsome and charming. He is a literall dream guy for every girl. The coffee machine in their work place is not working so they just took a break to get some coffee.

He was looking at her with that charming smile and sparkle in his eyes, and she can't help but think about what if she have someone like him in her life, who will understand her and not hurt her. But she couldn't entertain that though for a long time because the minute she think about someone Harry pops up in her brain. His emerald eyes, his beautiful smile. She is over him,yes, but it's not that easy to completely kill the love on him. It'll take time.

"The Coffee here is amazing, thank you for bringing me here, Y/n." Noah said with a sweet smile on his face.

"Your welcome, this is my favorite place. I always come here, it's just soo peaceful here." She smiled at him. She always came here, almost everyday.

He kept looking at her for a while with a smile on his face, she wonderd will he ever stop smiling. His smile is soo beautiful and pleasant it's like a beam of sunshine.

"I'm glad we could get coffee together, but I was wondering would you like to go on a date with me ? Like a real one ?" He asked her with hope in his eyes.

Y/n could feel her heart thumping, she didn't know what to say him. She wanted to go but also she is not quite ready.

"Noah, I- um... I can't. I'm sorry." She said softly.

His smile dropped, she cursed herself for that.

"I'm sorry, I like you. It's not that I don't, I do. But I can't now. "

"Oh. I thought you are single." He said after a beat.

"I am." She said in a kinda sad voice. What is she supposed to say to him? Of course she is single.

Tears are forming in her eyes threatening to fall free, but she can't cry, she won't. She got over crying for him.

It's was silent between them for a bit before Noah spoke again with a soft and gentle tone.

"Did you love him ? "

Y/n looked at his eyes, he have this expression in them that she can't quite describe. His graze was gently and comfortable. He looked at her like he know what she is feeling, he looked at her like he can understand the hurt.

She just nodded head.

He smile again." I don't know what happened or I don't know who the guy was but all I know is that he really hurt you. I can see it in your eyes."

She took a breath and tried to hold her tears, she don't even know why she is crying now. She didn't cry about him in a while, she thought there are no tears left.

"Some thing that my over priced therapy after getting my heart break taught me was 'if you spend too long holding on to the one who treats you like an option, you will miss finding the one who treats you like a priority. '"

"You are an amazing person, Y/n. Just know that you are worth everything. You should be loved for who you are. Trust me when I say I that I know what you are feeling now. "

After a while they went back to work and Noah never bought up about the date again.

She couldn't help think about Harry for the rest of the day. She restrained herself from thinking about him for soo long, she almost became numb.

She hate him because she still loves him. It's soo hard not to.

He was the one who thaught her how loves feels like, even without himself realising it. He showed how beautiful it is to be loved only but he didn't.

Yes , he ignored her, pushed her but when he is with her he was there, really there for her.

He made her feel like at the top of the world. Not only while having sex, but also when they were alone. He made her feel like the most beautiful girl in the universe while he is with her only to make her feel insecure while he is with others.

That's why she hate him, he made her feel every possible feeling that a human can expirence.

And that's the reason she can't completely let him go. Maybe she is still waiting for the impossible to happen. To feel his love again, real love this time.

*☆•°..*☆•°..*

It's been two days since Harry saw Y/n in the coffee shop, and he was miserable again.

It's killing him that he lost her. To see her with someone else.

And he exactly understood how Y/n felt when she saw him with others. How hurt and hopeless she felt . At that time he didn't get it , but now he is feeling the same.

He want nothing more than going back into the time and fix everything and tell her how much he love her. But he can't.

He was in his room when he heard the door opening and closing. And after a minute his bedroom door opened and reveled his mother.

Anne came into the room and looked at his son sitting on his bed like a lifeless body. It broke her heart to see her son in that situation tears blured her vision.

"Harry." She called him.

He looked at her and he couldn't hold it back anymore. He just got up from the bed and rushed towards his mother and hugged her.

She hugged him back and ran her hand through his back in a soothing way. No matter how big and famous his become, he will always be her little boy.

"Aww, love. I'm here, I'm here. You are fine." She rubbed circle on his back.

They both were like that for a while. After he calmed down Anne made him sit on the bed and brought him some water.

She sat beside him with a hand on his.

"What happened, honey ? I knew something was wrong, I could sense it for a while. But I never thought it's this bad. Please tell me what it is ?"

He looked at his mother with his blood shot eyes. His eyes, head everything hurts.

"I fucked up, Mum."

He told Anne everything, from the beginning. How he met her, how he hurt her, and how much he love her. Everything, he didn't miss a single detail.

Anne was silent for few minutes, deciding what to tell her son. She know that he is the one who did wrong here, he messed up and hurt an innocent person.

"People don't know what they have until it's gone, but what about me , mum. I knew what I had, but I did nothing about it. I took her love for granted. What am I supposed to do now ?" He asked his mother hoping atleast she can give him a suggestion.

"Have you atleast tried to talk to her ?"

"No." He shook his head. "I'm afraid, afraid that if I go meet her she will not accept my apology and that will be the last time that I will see her."

"I think it's time that you go and talk to her." She said looking at him in the eyes.

"What?" Harry is confused.

"I think you should go and talk to her. Let her know that you feel guilty and Let her know how you really feel."

She squeezed his hand.

"You messed up, Harry. I love you, you are my son but what you did is absolutely wrong. I didn't raise you like this. If you really love her go to her tell her that you are sorry. Let her curse you, be angry at you but you deserve it, you know you deserve it."

"But what if she don't want to listen to me ?" He asked with a hint of fear in his voice.

"Beg her until she does." She said simply.

"And if she don't forgive me ?" He asked again.

"Mmm. There is a possibility for that. But atleast you will not regret later that you didn't even tried . But I hope that's not the case."

Harry looked down at his feet. His mom is right, he atleast should apologise, he has been a coward and didn't dare to meet her, but now he will.

"And Harry, I don't want to higher your expectations but if she really love you she might even give you a second chance. If she does, make sure that she won't regret trusting you again, be a better man to her."

Anne gave him a motherly smile and pushed back his curls falling on his forehead.

"Go, be a man she deserves."

*☆•°..*☆•°..*

After talking to his mother Harry immediately got into his car and drove to Y/n's place. His nerves were all over the place thinking about all the possible things that can happen.

After a long drive which felt like forever for him he is finally at her place.

He practically sprinted on the steps because he couldn't wait for the elevator and finally he reached her front door.

He took a long breath and knocked on the door and waited but there is no response. He knocked again but there is no movement.

He caught the door Knob and twisted it, the door opened. His silly girl always forgets to lock the doors.

He went inside the house and checked for her.

"Y/n ?" He called but there is no response, he went and checked her bedroom but there is no hint of her.

He returned to the living room, thinking where she might have gone.

He looked around the place again. He found her phone on the coffee table.

She left her phone back, she never leave her phone while she is going out so she might be near. And then it clicked him, he know where she is now.

He closed the door and made his way to the terrace. If she is not in home at this time she definitely will be on terrace. He know how much she like to spend time there.

He got there and looked around to find her. And then he saw her, he could see side of her face. Standing at the corner looking at the moon. Air blowing her hair in an angelic way, moon light and lights from distance made her face glow.

God she is soo beautiful.

He took few steps towards her.

"Y/n." He called her softly.

Her shoulders tensed, but she didn't turn towards him immediately. He can see her taking deep breath from the side angle.

"Love ?" He called again. Now she turned fully towards him.

He took a sharp breath and took in her appearance, she is as beautiful as ever.

"Hi, love." He said hesitantly.

"Hi." She replied without much of and emotion in her voice.

He again took a deep breath and walked two more steps towards her. Luckily she didn't step back.

"I'm getting straight into the point, I already wasted soo much of time and i dont want to any more." He said looking at, and she didn't show any sign of disagreement.

"I'm sorry , love. I really am. I'm an arsehole, a dick, a douche bag. I fucked up, big time. I hurt you. I was soo bad to you. I know , I'm sorry. I regret each and every time I hurt you and I would do anything to make it right. I have been a pussy to come and talk to you all this time. I was afraid so it took me this long." He was rambling at this point. A single tear escaped from his eye.

He took one more step forward ao there is only a little bit of distance between them and fell on his knees in front of her. He bent his head down and wiped his tears and again looked at her. She was also crying, tears are escaping her her eyes too.

"I'm sorry. Im sorry. I'm sorry." He chanted and he let out a soft sob.

"I don't deserve your forgiveness and I don't deserve your love. But god knows what I will do to get both of them again." He breathed out.

"It hurts to loose you. I don't want to loose you." He mumbled mostly to himself.

"You had me, Harry. And I was not enough for you." She talked for the first time.

It felt soo good to hear her voice again after soo long. And he loved the way his name sounded with her voice. He missed it.

"I know , baby. I know. I'm an idiot. And please, you were always enough for me, more than enough but I just couldn't gey my head out of my ass." He said.

"I don't if you are ever going to forgive me or of you are ever going to look at me the same like before. But I want to tell you, I don't want be a coward."

Cool air made them both shiver a bit.

"I love you, Y/n."

" You are my everything, I love you with every fiber in my body. You were always enough for me. I love you for yourself, you are no comparison with all those fake models I get along with. They can never be you. And you are always the most beautiful and amazing and loving person. You deserve the world. Sorry that I couldn't give it to you back then. But I will give you anything to you now if you let me." He completed.

She sucked in a breath, he said the three words that she thought that she will never hear from him.

"I shouldn't be telling you this now, you may have moved on, forgot about me and maybe.... and maybe you are with someone else too." Those words came out like poison from his mouth.

"Do you still love me, Y/n ?" He dared to ask , he actually don't want to know the answer but a part of him still hopes that she love him.

She wiped her tears and cleared her throat.

"Get up, Harry." She said with a straight face.

He got up and stood on his feet again. Because of his height he was towering a little bit over her.

"Do you really think I love someone else ?" She questioned him.

"I saw you with a guy two days back in your favorite cafe. You looked happy." He told her and looked down at their feet.

"You were there ?" She furrowed her brows.

He nodded

" He was just my friend." She said and he was relieved a bit with that information.

"You really hurt me, Harry. I hate you for that, but I also love you because... because you were the world to me. But you didn't even gave a fuck about me."

He shook his head. Please, "I'm sorry. Don't say that. It hurts." He pleaded.

"I don't know what to do. I'm afraid Harry. I'm tired. Afraid of getting hurt again and tired of feeling hurt. I don't know."

"Baby." He took her soft hand into his.

"I'm sorry. I love you. I should have said this earlier but I didn't. As I said I will do anything to get you back."

They both were silent thinking about everything.

"Can I tell you something?" He asked her.

She nodded her head.

"I can't rewind our life and go back and fix things but I want to start over everything. Let's start everything again, from the beginning. And this time I'll be a better man for you."

She looked at him on awe.

"Can we start over ? We'll become strangers again, we'll introduce each other again, we'll make fresh memories. Only if you want to. I'll leave of you want me to. But remember one thing even if I leave now I will always love you, forever and I'll be waiting for you."

She is speechless, she don't know what to say. She was supposed to be angry at him but the moment she saw him all the anger just flew away. And the minute he fell on his knees and said her that he love her , she completely lost it. Of course she still love him, of course she still want to give him a second chance, but she is afraid.

"I promise that I'll never break your heart again."

He threaded their fingers together and looked at their hands.

"Tell me, love. Will you let me be a better man for you?" He asked all the sincerity hoping she will say yes.

He is worth of a second chance. She thought.

"Yes." She breathed out and smiled.

His smiled reached his eyes for the first time in a long while.

He hugged her. Really tight to the point where she thought she might loose her breath.

"I love you. I love you. I love you." He said and kissed her forehead.

She smiled." But let's take it slow, I still need some time."

"Yes take all the time you want, we'll go as slow you prefer. Im fine with it as long as I know that I have you. Just know that I love you, and will never hurt you again. And one more thing, please get used to me saying I love you a lot. Because I'm not stopping anymore."

He took a step back. "Let's start again."

He stretched his hand out for her. Let me introduce myself. "Hi, my name is Harry."

She laughed at him, thinking about the first time they met.

"Hi, Harry. My name is Y/n."

~~~

A/n : well, well, well. Here it is as I promised. Please don't shit at me for the late. I'm not making excuses, but u know why. I'm genuinely sorry.

And , while writing this I reread the 1st part. And I found a shit ton of mistakes and typos, I myself cringed at my work. I'm sorry u guys had to read that shit. But I have my reason. 1. I wrote that whole thing on my phone and I have big thumbs. 2. I blame my autocorrect. I'm sorry, and I hope there are no lot of mistakes here..

~~~

Thank you for reading, hope you likes it.

Please like and comment and reblog.

And please please please share your thoughts and talk to me. Pretty please 🥺

[my-castles-crumbling]

HIYA CAS ❤️ It’s wolfstar anon!!!!!! Remember me? Guess what? ME AND CLARA ARE DATING NOW! 

So turns out she’s had a massive crush on me for ages. Which, you know, seems obvious in hindsight. 

So imma just tell u what’s happened and then like- the adivce I need. Cool? 

SO BASICALLY I’ve been tryna keep outta my house over the summer cause my parents work from home and it’s not civilised, so I usually go out and chill with my mates. 

SO like two weeks ago (we’ve hung out a lot these are just the important ones okay?) I text Clara and ask if it’s cool for me to drop by cause it’s like 9am and she’s usually still asleep, but she texts back that she’s awake cause she’s got these awful period cramps (being a person with a uterus can fucking suck right?) so I go to her place, it’s past town so I pick up some of those like heat up pad thingys that stick to you cause she likes tho and said they were out and obviously snacks and then, because she’s in pain and i’m a sucker, watch Taylor Swift videos and the Era Tour with her (AGAIN). 

Nothing against Taylor just not my vibe. Also i’ve watched it with Clara SO MANY TIMES cause she loves it that I know like every song. 

Anyway, we’re sat in her room watching it and I realise that i’m being a fucking idiot. I always forget to consider romance just cause- idk it doesn’t occur to me 😭 BUT Clara is amazing and also, I need to chill. She’s my friend most of all, I should just TALK to her. 

ANYWAYS so last week I got my head out my arse and told her about what i’d been thinking about, and she admitted she DOES LIKE ME, and has for a while. 

Sometimes I feel like i’m not being as genuine as other people you know? Like, Clara has fancied me for a while and I didn’t even notice? And I don’t really know how I feel. I just find romance and stuff like that so hard, because it’s never been THAT important to me. 

But now it is because it’s Clara.

I didn’t ask her out until like three days ago. After we talked last week, I told her that her admitting she likes me won’t fuck with our friendship, but that I have like no idea how i’m feeling so i’d get back to her, but in the meantime she can vibe and know that we’re cool.

And I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Like how am I supposed to know if I fancy her or not? Sure I do things for her I wouldn’t do for other people, because I care more, but maybe i’m just a dick to other people? I DONT KNOW CASSSSS. 

Look so like three days ago I decided to ask her out so that I could know. 

And we had an amazing date and it felt like nothing i’ve felt before but I felt guilty at the end cause it was like I was using her.  So I admitted I had no clue how I was feeling, and that I never get crushes on people first cause I never feel like that until I start feeling like that and I think maybe I always had a crush on her and mixed it up with friendship and how i’m a mess she should probably stay away from.

And then she told me she knows i’m a mess because she asked me out last year and we went on a whole date and she kissed my cheek and then I DIDNT REALISE IT FUCKING A DATE 😭

So… yeah. You’re now updated :)

Long story short, we’re dating and i’m hopefully not a dick ❤️

Also how the fuck do you know the difference between friendship and- not? Like, more? I feel like no one’s taught me EMOTIONS correctly 😭

Wow I am SOOOOOO SHOCKED :P

But for real as far as our question, this is a difficult one. Personally, I see more than friendship as someone who I care deeply about but also who I want deep intimacy with. Someone who I want in my future, but someone who I also crave closeness with in all ways. But some people don’t like certain types of intimacy for whatever reason and still feel romantic feelings, so people see romance differently depending on who it is.

I think honestly, you should give it a shot. If it starts to feel wrong, communicate that. Say you love her but just as a friend! Just keep the lines of communication open and be honest, that’s the best thing you can do 🥰

[pool-floatie]

Dead by Twilight- Pt 5

Thirsty for a sadistic bastard and a pathetic Lil guy?!? Well have I got just the story for you! (after like 4 months of waiting but shhhhhh)

Here well discover what it's like to have fucking anxiety ! (Wait you already do??) Well go ahead and cope with the horrors by reading about, you guessed it, worse horrors!

I Luh u guys sm for putting up with me, please enjoy:

Wren sat, silent for a while, still shuddering and disdraught as they tried to think of anything they could do to help themself.

Escape was impossible, this trap was made to hold much stronger animals, they 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘵 want to talk to the vampire, but perhaps if they did, they could gain some kind of trust... Definitely not sympathy, thats for sure, but they could build a rapport and maybe convince him to .... Well it seemed for now he wasnt going to kill them, would they be fed? Perhaps they could ask for food, but, fuck, maybe he was just going to torture them, use anything they said against them in some sick, cruel way, maybe they would only be given enough food to survive watching them wither as they slowly starved- maybe he would cut them open more, forcing them to bleed so he could fucking- 𝘵𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦 - they almost heaved at the thought-

Then- he- he would heal them over and over again forever, testing the limits until he 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮-

Wren felt a hot tear hit their arm. they hadn't even noticed that they'd started crying again-

The vampire had left, Wren didnt want to wonder where to, only that for now, he wasnt there to torment them.. They cried openly, their pathetic sobs dying in the air as their breath hitched. They tumbled forward, trying to lay down so the tears wouldnt soak their face or clothes, and continued the pitiable display.

After a minute, Wren felt a little better, being able to let out their frustrations had helped and their mind was less clouded

They took shaky breaths, attempting to regain their composure, when they heard dreaded, clomping steps coming up the stairwell.

God no....

Lazarus entered the room quietly, unlike before.

Walking over to wrens enclosure he silently placed a ceramic dish filled with what wren supposed was water right outside it.

He scrutinized the cage, his sight lingering on the shaking borrower.

He walked over to his own bed, selected a small blanket and folded it up

"...... you probably aren't in the mood for this, but I'm going to have to remove you from your.... confinement.. momentarily to make your space more comfortable"

Wren whimpered quietly, looking away from Lazarus.

The vampire took their lack of screaming as consent and opened the enclosure

He again wrapped his clawed digits around wrens shaking form, they didnt struggle this time, understanding that this was inevitable and they would probably be removed eventually for one reason or another.

Soon enough it was over and the borrower found themself on a soft plush material, and oh, oh god water.

They leaned themself over the ceramic dish, drinking in heavy gulps, god the day had been so long they hadnt realised how much moisture they had lost.

When they finished they sheepishly looked around, a bit embarrassed at the desperate display.

"Hm, I didn't realise you would need so much water..." the vampire observed, mostly talking to himself.

".... thank you..." Wren muttered quietly.

Lazarus quirked an eyebrow at them.

"For what, Dear?"

"The... water?" Wren answered

Lazarus seemed a bit taken aback

" well of course, don't want you dying on me."

Wren jolted slightly

" you d-dont?"

Lazarus chuckled

"I certainly don't think so, little one.

You did catch me in quite a percarious position, and, seeing as you are quite close to humans, I can't risk my... habits...being revealed. But still, you are quite valuable, I know many who would pay high prices for something like you, such a potent source of magic just to keep you alive...." he trailed " not that id particularly want to pawn you off right away, no, there are plenty of reasons to keep you around, Darling."

He sure does like to talk.. Wren thought. Though they were still concerned at what he meant by 'valuable', being sold to another being could be even more dangerous than this one since he didn't seem to want to kill them... wait ... magic? They weren't magical?!

"What magic??"

" Ah, right. It's in your nature, little one, you can't tap into it because it's what keeps you alive, though it's also what makes borrower blood so valuable, according to my research book here." He tapped the book resting on the table.

Wren paled hearing the mention of their blood.... God, was that what he wanted with them?! To drain them until they were a dry husk?

Their heart began to pound again..

" a-re you going t-to... " Wren gulped "take my b-blood?" They questioned shakily.

"Mmmm..." lazarus hummed in thought.

" I'm not sure just yet.... I'll have to consult a friend on that. I'm afraid you'll have to wait for that answer till tomorrow~"

That was... not the answer Wren wanted to hear.. their chest felt tight again and they winced, staring terrified up at the malicious creature before them.

Lazarus leans in closer to the cage, causing welren to stumble back on the blanket, He chuckles at them.

" You are just too precious..."

With that, he turns back to his bed, drawing the curtains closed as hints of the sunrise peek through the trees.

As Lazarus settles himself in bed, Wren shakily stands and, after a while to ensure lazarus was asleep, they undress, they wash their torn up clothes in the ceramic basin, hoping to scrub away the saliva residue, though most of it had dried.

Wren rinses their hair and uses their wet clothes to scrub their skin, not wanting to climb into the basin and topple it over. They wring out their clothes and hair the best they can into the water before laying everything out to dry.

Feeling far less disgusting, they take a corner of the plush blanket and pull it completely over themself, making a little cave to sleep in.

Feeling more secure now that they are hidden away, Wren grabs up a chunk of blanket, cuddling it close to them. They try and sleep, knowing they would need it, but their eyes refuse to close... still anxious and terrified of their undecided fate...

They squeeze the blanket mound closer to them, evening out their shaky breaths, they slowly tumble into sweet unconciousness.

[kyyuri]

trial and error - nishimura riki

TMI with yuri !

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ synopsis : after breaking up with his ex, niki was going through everything a normal heart broken teenager would go through… except a certain someone keeps catching his eye~ will y/n be able to help niki get over his ex despite the efforts of his ex ?

a/n: and it has officially officially ended ! thank you for reading trial and error ! hope this chapter didn’t disappoint but if you have any more questions that weren’t answered here, feel free to comment or send an ask ~ tap here to read encore !

word count : 1.5k

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ how it started

being very real rn, as mentioned before this entire smau was based on ONE chapter itself ( the perilla leaves chapter). the original plot of trial and error was supposed to be for niki to unconsciously cheat on hyerin emotionally but this would result in the smau being more than 40 chapters long and i didnt intend to drag this smau out for too long. i wanted the smaus plot length to be just right so the readers wont get sick of it <3

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ haenas sudden appearance

it mustve been surprising for a character to suddenly be added towards the end but yet still play such a big role in moving the story forward. if you read closely, you would realise that niki was supposed to be the one that catches hyerin defaming yn. the reason for haenas existence was simply because 1. i realised yn didnt have any friends in the smau that was a girl and #girlpower 2. at the start of the smau, sunghoons fangirls were mentioned so i wanted to show how fans would always be willing to help out their role models/ people they look up to. 3. i didnt want to make it a thing whereby hyerin is only painted as the bad guy (by nikis group) simply because they broke up, i think thats wayyy too petty, so i had to give yall a reason to see that hyerin isnt just hated because of a petty reason but rather because she doesn’t react well to anything and that theres only that many people she could fool. (she be lacking critical thinking me think )

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ haehoon

ngl, it was never that serious. originally, haena’s love for sunghoon was never supposed to surpass fangirl level ( kind of to show our para social relationship with our favourite idols) but since there are people who are #teamhaehoon, i shall drop some unplanned scenes of haehoon that never made it to the series !

haena and sunghoon’s dynamics remained that way ( as seen in the spinoff ) however, sunghoon did end up asking haena out once the year ended ! their dynamics still stayed the same ( crack level ) except they are dating ! they never ended up breaking up because who would want to lose someone like haena right ?

sunghoon even managed to get into the same university as haena after haena forced him into revising with her on almost every single one of their dates ( he hates the last hour of their dates since haena would always test him to see if he did revise ) but i guess the fruits of their labour did show !

thanks to sunghoon and niki, haena was able to get close to yn and they are now besties ~

if you think about it , haehoon would definitely be a case where she fell first and he fell harder ! she definitely started liking him first for his personality (we love loud introvert hoonhoon ) but once sunghoon noticed her, he can never go a day without interacting with her once ( this includes staring from a distance ). it took him a lot of convincing and screaming into his pillow to gather enough courage to ask haena out. once they started dating, his simp era started too.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ how ynki started

the smau started with niki just getting out of a relationship with hyerin a few days prior, so how did he move on so quickly to yn ? the answer is curiosity. as mentioned previously, yn looks slightly similar to hyerin which was what caught nikis attention initially. when he found out that yn was his classmate it deepens his curiosity as one would wonder why they never noticed someone who looks similar to their significant other. moving on, yn originally never had feelings for niki. she only interacted with him because it was fun to tease him but well that definitely led to something.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ ot7

the whole friend group concept is basically built like this :

yn + sunwon

jaywon

hyung line + maknae

so if you add them together, ot7 happened ! ot7 were mainly acting as nikis wingman tho 💀💀💀

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ ynsunwon

how did they meet ? jungwon was the reason why this trio exists ! jungwon was friends with yn then met sunoo shortly after, forming our three main slayers. in chapter 22, it was mentioned that the friendship between ynwon blossomed because of the classes he had to miss due to competitions and yn helping him out ! naturally, since yn is jungwons friend and so is sunoo, the two became very good friends as well !

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ did won have feelings for yn

the answer is no. their friendship was purely platonic with no feelings involved ( although sometimes their actions might make it seem otherwise) jungwon just really cares about yn, thats all

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ amusement park (ch 9)

there was so many details missing right ? well i did it on purpose el o el. wondering what happened ? everything cliché happened. they held onto each other for their dear lives on every ride and bought matching headbands as souvenirs ( niki paid ) , yn was feeling too good because of all the hyerin texts and niki ddi realise ( he just didnt know the reason ) hence he bought yn an ice cream and a drink but when yn couldnt finish the strawberry ice cream, it landed in his hands ( look at one of the posts from that chap ! )

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ wrinkley ( rinki)

we were all mad niki let her back into his life lets be real. but the method hyerin used is actually a method that could be used irl ! if you ask someone that doesn’t like you for a favour, it is very likely ( not 100%) they will change their mind about you and dislike you less ! this was the method i was trying to show by having hyerin borrow nikis art set ~

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ broken up

rinkis back story ? you got it. these were supposed to be included but it would make the smau wayyyy to long and boring so it is appearing here ! hyerin and niki got together after meeting each other in art academy then realising the year after that they were going to be classmates (yes yn was there </3) ! hyerin was the one that confessed and was also the one who broke up with niki, simply because theres this theory where a relationship (boy girl rs ) would rarely work out if the female likes the male more. as seen in the smau, niki can be really caring but also really moody at times and hyerin isnt the type that can stand attention not being on them, hence the end of their relationship. hyerin regretted it shortly after because after breaking up with niki, she got even lesser attention than before !! hyerin never officially became friends with ot7 unlike yn ( thats why #standforyn ) anyways, hyerin was pretty salty that yn got the attention she craved for and tried so hard to earn so thats where everything spiralled.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ nikis letter (chap 18)

“ yn, my love !

its niki ! im writing down all the things i wish to say to you but cant get the proper words out without being a blushy mess. im not sure what happened and truthfully, i dont have to know, all i need to know is how you feel and how to cheer you up so i can always support you when youre feeling down. after doing some digging and sacrificing my wallet to jungwon hyung, i was given the secret weapon to making you smile again ! im no cook but i did try my absolute best making these dishes ~ ill admit i didnt actually make the cake from scratch BUT i did decorate it !! im so glad my mum birthed me with skills hehe <3 i heard you like handwritten letters so here is one specially from the one and only riki !

yn, youre never alone. please never struggle alone. your friends, me , my hyungs, we are all here for you. please dont shut us out. ever since you entered my life, i dont think i can go a day without you :( i genuinely like you so much i think i might just go crazy. i will work hard to become someone reliable so that whenever you’re tired, you can always take a rest and lean on me. lets get along well and spend the rest of our lives happy ~ when you’re ready to let me into your world, i will always be ready to join you on your journey and help you walk a flowery path ! take your time to heal but dont forget about me !

i love you yn ! you heard it from me first !

riki ”

that’s about all i can think of for now, thank you for reading trial and error ! dont forget to check out the spinoffs and my next smau encore ! if you love my works so far, do consider joining my permanent masterlist ! - yuri

<prev > <masterlist > <special > <encore ! >

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[psychelis-new]

thank you very very very much for my reply snd so sorry for my very long ramble. I guess I dont know what else to do atp, I couldve done much more had I not felt the need to fit in like everyone else is currently doing even memes are less entertaining as well as a lot fo it relying so much on the internet i just want to escape all of this nonsense i really do. like just yeet me into space then if anything. i dont care anymore for my life really. ik im probs just making excuses or sounding dramatic but it seems many others at leasdt have talents or something that they care deeply about. i just seemed to have missed the chances and since we didnt have any of this stuff when i was a kid

I dont particularly care for wealth yet at the same time that too is everywhere so its like fomo and inability to simply be satisfied in anything i like or do bc someone else has more or better things they are doing and its so easy to fall into the trap of comparisons, like so and so is posting their whole life online or so and so is exceedingly popular online and irl. i dont know lets just simply say that i keep feeling lkke a nobody and all anyone else on here seems ro say manifest xyz things and how age is just a number without knowing peoples past experiences or lack thereof skills and so on. i just dont even know what i want anymore either. its like im just a soulless blob in a pile of other blobs and everyone else is blobbing about stuff i dont particularly care about online.

i regret being born in my generation, i really do, theres almost too much going on at once but itd all digitalised rather than in person. even celebs dont seem to realise their devices can have an off button maybe if they werent online so much others would be inspired to do that as well but even if you go out anywhere people on their phones or go to concert let say people on their phones again how else to gsin connection with others when its all done via a horrid little screen which i regret buying but once again it is much required in todays society. theres certain things i wouldve loved to have done in previous generations or maybe had i been a different person of a different nationality but i still wouldve had to adjust to needing to be online for the most part. even just typing shit into google feels so soulless like i havw a brain but i dont need to think or feel and i dont need opinions cause someone online will end up hating me for it so thats out the window

As I was suggesting you, you need a break and find yourself again. You're too focused on what others do, who they are, and compare yourself to something that doesn't even exist (online world is pretty much like movies these days) and try to act the same as them to fit in (no but fr, who cares what celebs do online or how long they are online? it's their life, let them do what the heck they want -plus, they're often a brand with legs, they're making money that way...). But anyway you cannot fit in something if you don't know who you are and what you're searching for and if you don't know where you want to fit in (and where you actually can fit in without losing yourself -which you probably already did, in order to not feel left out).

You are worthy, your life is very worthy, but your worth is not outside, your worth is inside of you. Same as your talents and whatever good you possess (and don't tell me you don't cause everyone does). You cannot find it online or in strangers online, and for sure you won't seeing if you keep comparing with others and what they seem to have... so stop trying to do so. If others have fun online and have found their own place there, let them. Who cares what they find of so cool there. But if you don't, then it's time for you to find what you find funny by taking a break. Put in effort (the one you were calling for so much in the other ask) and find in yourself and what you want and like. The only way to find your soul inside of your blob is to look in that blob that is you and finding your voice. You cannot let others tell you who you are: only you know.

But it's useless if I keep repeating myself and you can't see you are worthy and not caged (you know it but still, you cannot leave the comfort zone you have created: you feel like you won't ever fit in and you keep finding comfirmations of it out of any interactions you have online. If you don't work on how you see things and yourself, nothing will change for real). You can think with your mind, you can believe other things than what you're told by society or people that only want to sell a product/gain from what they do (I already answered an ask or two on this... were they yours?). You can do what you would have loved to do in any other time: it's not about this generation, it's about you and what you want... don't find excuses to keep yourself out of what you desire to do or how you desire to live. Don't blame it all on this society, where you live and the times we're living in. You still have a choice, you can act differently and who the heck should care about it? If it makes you happy, do it. But if it's really so, if you know you'd feel better out of it, it's not the internet the problem, it's you caging yourself in a cycle that doesn't even exist (but was well created to sell products again)...

For real, take a moment for yourself. Maybe journal about how you feel, what you want and what you're searching for and then go find it. It may take a while and some effort, but you will make it. Maybe your people aren't online but at the supermarket you usually visit, or at the library or they share any other interest with you offlline. Idk. If you need connections, first of all connect with yourself. Then, you'll be able to connect also with others the way you need.

Again all the best! I know you're now writing me cause I am making you feel less alone, but I am not the answer you're seeking. It's only within you.

[heartslobbf]

thoughts on juri gender + juriori 🎤

so many thoughts. arguably too many. i have cherrypicked the ones i think are most interesting/original for you <3

i guess the thing with juri's gender is that she somehow manages to degender herself in the public eye, unless someone like ruka or shiori comes along and prods at her and makes everyone else realise how queer (in both senses) she is. also whilst i love butch juri truthers with my whole heart and think yall rock, she is a femme to me. bc i am a femme and juri is probably the rgu character i most relate to, which is cringe and lame but you know whatever. if i didnt relate to her i would probably be a butch truther too bc i am a butch lover first human second. i think it is her experiences with gender that most resonate with me, bc of how her gender and lesbianism are just. they are one and the same the venn diagram is a circle and it's just like Yeah. im an aromantic lesbian so whilst i have complicated feelings about Girls and have had a handful of teenage lesbian situationships that fucked me up, i dont Quite relate to juri's angst. that's not a critique of it whatosever, to be clear, because the purpose of art is not relatability, but im talking about how juri is relatable to me as a character so you know. you get it.

i have so much love in my heart for people whose fave is juri i really really do. probably because you are all lesbians and i love lesbians. my fave is anthy but a) you knew that already and b) she is also a lesbian and (imho) an aro-spec one at that. anyway you didnt ask about anthy so i prommy i wont talk about her anymore (lie). i also wont talk anymore about my aromantic readings of rgu (lie).

asking me about juriori is a fun one, because you might want a considered analysis of their relationship within canon, and you will get some of that, but you'll also get my unhinged ramblings about shipping culture. i feel i should disclose that by 'shipping culture' i mean shippy fandom antics and not, like, the presence of romantic relationships in rgu. that's super interesting and i have a lot to say about it, but what isn't super interesting to me is like.. committing a lot of time to intricately imagining the adult lives of rgu characters in monogamous amatonormative domestic relationships with one another, or whatever the hell. not juicy or nuanced or messy or interesting TO ME, an aromantic person who loves conflict, so you know. you (generally, not anon) do you, but it doesnt grip me personally. i DO enjoy fanart of the characters aged up and happy, for two reasons: the fashion, and the way that it's thematically consistent with rgu. it's like a glimpse at their future you know?? it's a glimmer of hope, or whatever.

ANYWAY, my hot juriori take is that i dont know if theyd work out as a romantic relationship, but i also wouldnt categorically say they wouldnt, because the whole point of the rgu ending is like 'fuck knows what'll happen, but you better fucking hope and you better believe in these characters' ability to choose for themselves and escape the trappings of the narrative'. whatever happens happens. this is of course problematic when i, as a writer, have occasionally attempted an rgu fic, bc im always like well fuck idk what juriori would be doing!! that's not for me to decide!! and it's like im literally writing this story it 100% is for me to decide and then i just get annoyed about the 'ethics' of writing rgu fic and get sad about forcing these kids into the narrative over and over and give up. im a normal person btw. i envy people who can write banger rgu fic more than anyone on the earth you guys are wizards to me.

juriori are also kind of funny to me bc all of their conflict stems from the cisheteropatriarchy of it all and how that's shaped their perceptions of themselves, each other and the wider world. like they are just the teenage lesbian situationship girlies and i think that's beautiful. just like me fr. you know for me personally, kiryuu sibling aficionado, it's quite nice to think about juriori and reminisce about my own teenage lesbian situationships as a kind of break from all of the Horrors. they're wonderfully (mostly) disconnected from akio in a way that just makes me skip with joy. that being said, if youve ever seen me talk about azure paler than the sky, you know it's one of my top ten episodes of the show and my favourite duel in the show and also, simply, fucking Agonising. i do think that juri episodes, visually, are some of the strongest in the show.

my other big juriori point that i wanna hit is that shiori is soooooooo noli me tangere for caesars i am coded. if youre unfamiliar with whoso list to hunt i know where is an hynde, what i'm trying to say here is that shiori loves to be hopelessly pursued because it's the only meaningful way she can exert power over others as a 'princess'. but princesses cant exert power over others by definition of being princesses, so she's really a witch. just like the deer in whoso list. but im normal about renaissance poetry, what i really want to say is how compelled i am by shiori's witchification and how oblivious so many people are to it when watching the show even though she's literally ourple. you know, the witch colour. and she's a reddish ourple!!! you know, red. the duplicitous bitch colour!!!!!

ourple is arguably also that colour in rgu, but i feel compelled to point out anthytougaisms at all possible opportunities. the anthy-touga-shiori triad is like. world's most concentrated source of internalised homophobia, machiavellian bull and general malintent towards people who sincerely love you. and i love them. especially shiori because truly why is she like that. like i know why she's like that but it's funny to marvel at how deranged she truly is. no one does it like her fr and i have so much love in my heart for her. i think the only rgu kids i actually actively dislike are ruka (still find him fascinating and compelling tho, he's a brilliant character and there is nuance to him. i also just despise him) and miki which is just a me thing. i am aware that it's funny i dont like miki for being a shit brother when i like touga, but you have to understand that my liking touga is complicated and he's only, like, my fourth favourite character when nanami is my second <3 love and light <3 also idk if ive ever said this anywhere but i genuinely love shiori and touga's relationship in aou, not because i think they're like? good together or whatever?? i think theyre both gay so you know whatever, i just find their interactions compelling and like. mannnn. it says so much about a character. the way that they both are around each other. very very interesting.

my final thing that i must assert as a shiori apologist is that she did nothing wrong <3 like if you didnt know that gay people were real and hated your own guts you too would be a java sparrow hurtling into a glass wall youre unable to see. episode 17 makes me feel like a wild animal. also yes i find juri more relatable and yes i think shiori's the more justified of the two, it's partially bc it's funny and also partially bc juri is mean to shiori!! she is!!!! she closes herself off emotionally and refuses even an ounce of vulnerability, for understandable reasons ofc, but then she gets SO MAD when shiori doesnt understand all her microexpressions and confess undying love to her about it. like be for serious juri. i really do love juriori with my whole heart and i think ive articulated why before in my dyke drama post about them. they just make me happy/agonised because i really do resonate in a way i never have with lesbian characters before. like i think juri's character in particular understands the nuances of being a lesbian in a way that just makes me, a lesbian, :)

[tears-of-boredom]

i want to be dead. but you know, in that passive way where its just kind of a fact. im pretty sure its just my womanly hormones talking but i really dont see myself ever getting out of this mud. metaphorical mud i mean. im like laying in mud, and sometimes i manage to stand up,, but you know, im still standing in it, and covered in it. and eventually i fall back down. you know i seemingly really like to make up stupid metaphors. i have no idea why, maybe it makes me feel smart.

im tired. tomorrow i have a driving lesson. my first one. ever. im not really worried for myself, i just feel like the teacher is going to be dissapointed in me or something.

ive been having annoying dreams. in the last one i was smoking with my sibling and i talked to them about how ive been having so many dreams where ive smoked. i hate that my dreams do that. reference other dreams as if they arent dreams themselves. makes it harder to wake up ya know. i wish id have a positive dream for once. amybe one about moving on my own and getting away from this family finally. or more like just getting away from mom. shes literally the only one i want to be away from.

ive been decorating my room. setting up shelves and buying trinkets from kontti. it kind of halted because i couldnt figure out why our nail gun wasnt accepting the nails i was putting in it, and then i couldnt find any other kind. and i didnt want to ask mom for help. and also i decided to do the net thing, which is the main thing, cuz ill hang shit from it. i guess i could hammer a hook into the wall for a painting...but the point was that ive been thinking about the fact that if i wanna move before im 18, all this decoration ive been planning wont have the opportunity to be up for that long. but also that was the reason that ive literally never felt comfortable decorating my room, even when the ones that were completely my own. and i decided that this time im not gonna make that mistake and just decorate if i want to, no thinking about how itll have to be taken down eventually.

anyways im just really sad, and i visited my sister recently and i was really close to crying just because her apartment seemed so safe and so much like it was hers. and i like really want that for myself. and im just sad. and i dont wanna go to the driving lesson tomorrow. not because i dont wanna go to the lesson itself, but because i feel like ill be like at my worst, and thus wont get that much out of it.

i really want to get out of this house. when we were moving, there was like two weeks where me and my brother spent the nights at this new apartment, while mom slept at the old one, just because our trips to school would be much shorter. and those two weeks felt like heaven honestly. i didnt even realise why i felt so good and happy, until mom started sleeping here as well, and all the joy drained from me in an instant.

i dont know how to express to the adults in my life how much i want to live on my own. because im just a child. a fifteen year old child. and living with a different adult wont work. it has to be alone. i can promise you that when i fucking get that apartment, no matter how small or shitty, i will cry tears of happiness and relief.

im hesitant to even type these words but: maybe i should talk to my mom about this. just tell her that i really want to move out. no feeling-sharing needed.

i wanna go skydiving without a parachute. soar through the air for the first and last time in my life.

i wish i could fly. ive wished that for a long time. i remember wishing it ever vacation i had to spend up north. and everytime i spent a recess alone in the school yard.

i hate that im crying just because im menstruating. it makes me feel like my emotions arent true. not like i trust my emotions to be true any other fucking time.

why is life like this. why do so many people get to live so easy lives and then i have to do this shit.

ohhkay i just felt the urge to go get a knife so im not going to feed my own anger.

im tired.

its weird because i do dissociate clearly, but its always more liek just, my body seems weird, and it feels realy creepy how my body just moves when i want it to. and i feel like im just watching through someone elses eyes. it cant be me whos so good at typing. im clumsy, i struggle with guitar chords and mute the wrong strings. why are my hands so soft. it feels really gross to be in this body. but still, in the back of my head i know that im ust making this all up in my head. because who the fuck else is this. of course its my finger that are typing my thoughts out.

even my fucking ring looks weird and foreign.why does my skin have a texture. why are humans os fucking gross.why do i have to feel things.

oh my god im driving myself into a fucking meltdown right down im going to force myself to stop.

[midnighteloquence]

lets rant about a person im starting to not like and lost of reasons why i dont

right uhh i need labels to get started

friend a: (hey pookie) FAV PERSONNNN!! ^^ i love them so much theyre so so cool and amazing and ahh best friend love ya

friend b: my first friend in this school!! i love her so much shes so so swag even if i dont tell her often how much she means to me shes sooo amazing

friend c: subject of this rant, we used to be rlly close but recently i stopped liking them as much

idk if theres anyone else im mentioning so thats gonna be it

okay so to start off (what i started off with anyways when i first ranted about this in the shower) is the fact that recently theyve been sending me tiktoks about really sexual things saying that its me and them. i know it is technically my fault for not being super clear on my boundaries and not saying whether somethings bothering me or not, but i just get so uncomfortable when you keep talking about about how you cum to me. i know that i make alot of sexual jokes with friend b, and for a while i didnt get why i was so uncomfortable with C making jokes about me, until i realised that its because with B i like them but with C i dont like them as much making me more uncomfortable towards them.

another reason is the fact that they lie, like all the time. even when it isn’t necessary. theyve said themselves that theyre a pathological liar, and that they have bpd, adhd, and depression and anxiety. which is why i never talk about any of my problems involving them. but literally i dont fucking get how they think im gonna believe them then 1st, none of them add up and 2nd, you lie to me when you know i know the truth?? like at some point i heard you talking shit about A, and when i bring it up you lie to me?? its just ugh. youve lied to my face so much i always ALWAYS think youre lying. you could be blatantly telling the truth but ill still think youre lying.

another mini thing is that you expect me to know so much about your past and your mental illness but you dont clarify anything about them?? like youve said “i cant do that and you know it.” but i seriously dont?? you havent told me anything about your bpd or how it effects you but you assume i know everything about it?? i cant just guess things im sorry

a really main thing is the fact that they keep insulting me (and many many MANYYYY others) on tons of things, more specifically about our insecurities. at some point, they kept on insulting my friend’s boyfriend’s face to the point they had to FUCKING COVER IT. AND THEY STILL CONTINUED?? and when mentioned that theyre a dick they say “oh i just dont know how to act nice”. LITERALLY. IF YOU HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY THEN STAY SILENT. actually you dont know how many new insecurities i have formed because of you. and ik i can speak for everyone you keep insulting “as a joke”.

another thing!! they are super contradictory and hypocritical. at some point they said something along the lines of “i know that you cant show affection very easily but still i think a little bit would be nice”. you admit yourself that you know i cant show affection that easy but then you still ask for it?? im fine with affection every now and again but you want me to always show affection. i cant be that fulfilling person for you and you know that but you still ask for it. plus; you have a partner yourself (oh also they keep telling different stories that dont add up like “i got to cuddle with my boyfriend” then say “hes gonna come over so i can see him irl for the first time!!”).

another note on the “fulfilling” part, i find myself almost always having to either convince you that i actually care for you or having to convince yourself not to kill yourself. its fucking exhausting. i have to repeat myself over and over and over and over and over again that i like you but you still say “yeah but bfr you dont”. i shouldnt have to do this constantly im tired of it. you are mentally ill, these are things you talk about to a fucking THERAPIST, not a 13 year old girl whos struggling herself.

TALKING ABOUT THE HYPOCRISY. right so they continuously say about how im not putting much effort into our friendship. but them themselves arent putting any effort into me. you talk about how if im distant you think i hate you, but when have you ever expressed actual interest in the things im saying? friendship goes both ways, not only do I have to make effort in getting closer to you, YOU have to make effort in getting closer to me.

literally you talk about how im never really interested in your interests, but i actually engage, i ask questions, i remember things. but you? all you do is answer with an uninterested “cool”. i know that youre struggling tho which is once again why i dont bring it up. literally you say im your favourite person, but when someone even dares tells you to talk to me you say “what is there to talk about? [my interest]?”

about your mental health, it is the primary reason why i dont bring anything up. because i know that youre suffering and i know that you’d say that thats the reason youre like that. but its so frustrating to have to continue to be your friend just because i know that if i leaved you’d do something drastic. im so exhausted and mentally drained because of this friendship.

you know yourself that i am struggling, you were at some point worried i was gonna kill myself. but you still continue to have to have me convince you that i dont want you to kys. “you’ll live” say that again to me istg.

alot of things ive already talked about on this account and my incognito account @imnooneyouknow so if you wanna know more check that out in the link below!! like and subscribe for more epic content!!

(bye)

[tatakaetime07]

༘✶ ⋆｡˚ ੈ♡mine,just mine e.m.

A/n-Jealous Eddie is literally my favorite thing istg

Pairing: Eddie munson x Gn!Reader

Summary:After learning of a not so subtle suitor trying to ask you out,Eddie realises he needs to share his feeling before it's too late

Warnings:Cursing,jealousy,bit of angst that ends in fluff

Word count-936

*Not edited

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“Eds!”You shouted,making your way through the many people trying to get out the school doors.

“Ah,there's my favorite idiot.”Your long-haired friend teased while he turned to smirk at you.

“Says you.”You roll your eyes while chuckling.

He lightly punched your shoulder before narrowing his eyes at you ,he slung his arm around your shoulders.

“Someone seems happy today,what,did you finally get a date?”Eddie joked,but when you scoffed while blushing a little he started to feel little knots in his stomach.

“Actually..yeah.”While you were focused on trying to get out your car keys,Eddie's eyes almost bulged out.It wasn't that he couldn't believe you got asked out,no that wasn't it at all.

In fact,he was surprised on how little guys hit on you,but he guessed it helped that he was literally standing behind you glaring at any boy who approached you.The thing he was surprised about is that you actually seemed excited about it.He supposed he had no right to be jealous,due to you being just friends and nothing more,but that little green bug inside him didnt seem to think so.

He tried to play it off cool,cause,y'know that's how he was is.He wasn't some awkward middle schooler anymore who got jealous over the smallest things..sorta.

"You got asked out?Well,today must be a miracle."

"Oh shut up,I dont even know if I'll go."Eddie nonchalantly leaned on your car as he watched you get in.

"You don't?"

"Well,I mean the guy's cute but I don't know.Anyways,I'll call you later about it."You responded while shutting your car door and smugly looking up at Eddie.

"If anything,you seem a bit jelly Eddie."

Eddie felt his cheeks heat up as his heart hammered against his chest.Oh how he wanted to wipe that stupid look off your face..and then maybe make-out.

"As if.See ya,loser."He saluted while you just shook your head at him with a glimmer in your eye.

He watched as you drove out of the school parking lot before gripping the part of his shirt that covered where his heart.As if he was actually squeezing it.

"Pfft,jealous.Yea right."He mumbled under his breath.But he knew that he just had to do something.He didn't know what but y'know..thoughts take time.

---

You stared at your mirror as you adjusted the outfit you had picked.Truth be told when the random guy from science asked you out to the theater later that night,you initially wanted to say no.Reason being you thought it would be unfair,why you ask?Well,you were currently in love with your best friend, Eddie Munson.But after so many years of giving him hint after hint,you thought maybe it was time to move on,and,besides you would never have the balls to actually confess anything to him anyway.

You jumped slightly when you heard a bang on your door.You were confused since you and your date agreed to meet up at the theater.And your parents were out of town.The only person it could be was him,but why would he be at your house?

You walked to the door suspiciously,looking through the doors peephole.You were surprised to see who it was,there standing outside in the rain was the boy you had fallen so hard far.

You immediately opened your door,motioning for him to come inside and out of the pouring rain,but he just stood still as he nervously shook his head.

"No,no,its fine I won't be here very long."You noticed how he shoved his hands into his pant pockets.You were starting to become worried.In all the years you knew him he had never turned up at 8 pm to just 'talk'.Something was up,and you couldn't help but crease your eyebrows.

"Eds what wrong-,"You started but Eddie quickly interrupted.

"I love you.Like,I'm in love with you."Eddie confessed as desperately tried to keep your gaze,you however were speechless.From what you knew Eddie only ever thought of you as a friend,so where was all of this coming from?Though,you had to admit the though that the thought of him actually liking you back made your heart go crazy,you honestly thought you were in a dream.

"Are you like..fuckin' with me..?"You asked,it was to good to be true.Eddie stared at you before letting out a laugh.He stepped towards you,gazing at you with a look of adoration.

"No,I think this is actually the most serious I've been in my life.I know your like supposed to be on a date and I know this is selfish of me,but I just couldn't sit thinking about you with some other dude."

You raised your hands,moving wet pieces of his hair out of his face,and then cupping his face with your palms,your faces being inches apart.

"So..this definitely isn't a joke?"He once again chuckled before laying his forehead against yours.

"Definitely not."

"Well then Eddie Munson,I'm in love with you too."You could just see the way his eyes lit up.

"Oh thank the lord."He sighed to no one in particular.You continued staring into each other's eyes while listening to the sound of the rain pelting onto the roof of your house.

You then felt as he lifted your chin upwards to him,and your heart had completely melted.

"Tell me the word and I'll stop."

You didn't,and with that he passionately pressed his lips against yours,you doing the same as you wrapped your arms around the back of his neck.

"God I love you."He muttered into your kiss.

You pulled back,making Eddie let out a little groan.

"I should probably cancel that date."

"Oh right,cause now you're mine,just mine."

"Yeah,yeah,whatever dingus."You both smiled before continuing with your little make-out session,later just ending up watching a movie together on your couch.Not before calling your science partner of course.

[stevestevesstuff]

You're enough | Geralt X chubby f!reader

Summary: reader feeling insecure and Geralt comforts them and admits his feelings

I stood at the riverbank, looking at my sparkling reflection on the clear water. The moon stood high on the Black, starry sky, filling the dark with a comfortable amount of light.

Everything was perfect, or at least, thats how i thought it should be.

I have been on the road with Geralt and Jaskier for over 2 years now. The bard and i became good friends really quickly, but Geralt....he was as cold as ice the first few months. At the beginning, i was hurt and felt insulted by how he acted towards me, but then, i realised that it was just how he was. Not talkative, not really obviously caring and different.

But he did show affection, by acts of kindness. Maybe by repearing things or bringing me something i was looking for.

I had feelings for him. Strong feelings. Feelings that were like a bomb exploding inside of me and filling me with hope and denial.

Hope that he would feel the same towards me.

Hope that he wanted me as much as i wanted him.

Hope that He loved me.

But the longer i looked at myself on the water, the more i understood why he could never like me the way that i liked him.

I was the most useless in the group. I cannot fight nor protect myself. I cannot heal somebody nor care for them when wounded. I cannot ride a horse nor walk long distances without everything aching.

And then there was my body.

I was bigger then all the girls he had bed in those 2 years. My arms were flappy, gravity didnt help my breasts, my belly was full and a little round, my ass wiggled and my thighs rubbed together while walking.

I didnt find myself disgusting or not pretty, just, not beautiful enough for Geralt.

And that was the worst part.

The feeling of not being enough.

As i stood there, i slowly started hugging my body and silently cried. So i remained for some while, until I colapsed to the hard and muddy ground around the river. My crys got louder and more desperate, and eventhough I tried to muffle them a little by holding my hands over my mouth, i knew someone would hear me.

And I was right.

After some time I heard heavy footsteps from behind me. I didnt dare to look around because i knew who those steps belonged to.

Geralt.

He slowly sat beside me and tried to look me in my face, but i just turned my head away. I didnt want him to see me like this.

Hurt, broken, desprate and insecure.

He took my hand which rested on my lap and lightly started to draw figures on it with his thumb.

This kind of forced me to look at him.

"You know, legends say that the moon is a goddess. The most caring and gentle of them all. I dont know why but i guess it is because she has seen so many broken and lost souls crying under her light. So many restless souls looking up to her with tears in their eyes and begging her to end their pain. So many hopless souls singing their sad songs to her.",

Geralt said with his low voice.

A shiver run down my spine. His words hit deep in me, somewhere unknown. Also, his voice was more gentle then i had ever believed it could be.

"What-what do you mean by that?", i choked out.

He looked at me, I guess not knowing what to say. He lightly squeezed my hand, his eyes wandering to the water infront of us.

"I dont know, i thought a story might help..."

Suddenly, there was a silence I gould not describe.

It felt wonderful and warm. Just sitting here with him, my hand in his. I never wanted this moment to end.

"You want to tell me what is wrong?"

Geralts question caught me off guard.  He never asked anyone what was wrong. He just brushed it off and never mentioned it. But now, there it was.

"I really don't know, it is kind of stupid you know...", i tried to push him away.

"I dont think that it is stupid. It made you cry and it seems like it hurt you, so this is everything but stupid."

"I-i just dont feel like im good enough you know? I mean, you are a witcher. You can fight, use sword and other weapons, you get any girl you like and you have people who adore you. Jaskier can sing and kind of, which is really rare but still, lighten the mood almost everywhere.

And now theres me. I cannot fight or sing. I am extremely boring and not beautiful enough for you.

Damn it, i just want you to look at me they way you look at those girls you lead to your bedroom or the ones you flirt with in a tavern. I just want to be enough for you!"

I stopped and my eyes went wide.

~Oh no, what did I do....~

I told him that i like him, thats not good.

I started panicking and turned away from him.

Nobody said anything.

I almost started crying again but i couldnt. My racing heartbeat distracted me too much.

Suddenly, I felt fingers under my chin which turned my head to look at the owner of them.

"Dont say those things about yourself. You are an incredible woman. The way you dance around on the fields, the way you are excited about rare flowers when we pass through a forest, the way your eyes light up when you pet an animal. All of this is just so mesmerising. I get how you dont like yourself. You cant see those little things that I see. You are perfect (y/n). You are the most beautiful woman i have ever seen in my long life."

I felt a single tear roll down my cheek. Geralt catched it with his finger and wiped it away. He caressed my cheek and pulled me closer towards him.

"I love you...." and with that, Geralt connected our lips.

It felt incredible. All those feelings, all of these unspoken words were freed now. His lips tasted like ale but I didnt care, i pulled him closer.

We only seperated, because we needed air.

We looked at each other. The way the moon highlighted his perfect features and his beautiful scares made him look unreal.

He pulled me into a hug. A big hug. A hug I melted into. I have never felt so save.

He lightly whispered into my ear "you're enough petal..."

[jiminiesfavouritecolourisblue]

Our little love part 2 - mafia/yandere au Drabble {angst + fluff}

As always please let me know what you think, I am actually going to go to bed now my brain is angry with me for not sleeping.

It seemed the cycle was never ending, you fucking up and pissing them off, them punishing you by drowning you in their love, only letting you come up to breathe so you could swim in your own guilt and submit to them.

You wince as the victim to your latest fuck up gets another blow to his chest. Taehyung and Hobi held onto his arms as Jungkook and Jimin kick and punch the poor individual. You know not to speak, it’ll only make things worse. Temperament was a fickle thing in their lives, trust was everything, and you still had to build yours up again.

“Y/n help please,” Kai whimpers as you stood with your arms crossed looking away.

“Don’t fucking say her name,” Jungkook growled before punching your ex colleague in the face. You’re frowning, the need to beg them to stop was fighting for exit on the top of your tongue, but you bite it down and pray Kai doesn’t say another word. You know if you do as he asks they’d kill him. Your punishment was to watch silently.

Yoongi strolls up behind you, hands in his pockets before he rests his head on your shoulder, watching the display in front of you both.

“Nothing to say little love?” He whispers as your friend groans out in pain.

Please don’t kill him, you want to say, but you just shake your head in defeat. You want to believe they’re better than this, but the evidence of the contrary was never hidden from you. They showed you every side of them whether proud of it or not with bold eyes daring you to stop loving them, pushing your boundaries and morals waiting for you to snap. But the breaking point never came, you loved them, you shouldn’t and you knew it, but you did. You were completely and utterly theirs, yet still they treated you like you hadn’t seen the worst of them. Like you would run away the second you realised they were monsters, not that they would let you run far, only far enough to let you take a single breath before making you drown in them once again.

Yoongi wraps his arms around your waist, keeping an eye on your reactions. The asshole deserved it, not that they cared either way, he tried to take you away from them, that was enough.

Kai was your old partner before you took a very early retirement, what you didn’t know was that he continued the case you were working on before you left; the case of the seven men you now loved and the reason you quit said job. He had called you to meet up for old times sake and you, very naively in Yoongi’s mind, decided it was harmless. But if it was harmless why didn’t you say anything to the boys? You thought Kai didn’t know the reason you handed in your resignation, but he had been keeping an eye on you all before he realised you were the key to their downfall. He knew you harboured some feeling for him in the past and thought you’d reciprocate when he tried to flirt his way into getting his hands on the evidence you collected, he didnt know you burned it all. You lied to him and said you lost it, same difference anyway. This prompted plan b from him.

“Y/n they’re criminals,” he had said to you. “You’re a cop at heart you can’t love them.”

You floundered at his words when you realised he knew, and yet he still asked you to betray them.

“Kai I think I need to go...”

It was a mistake, you knew it then, but he followed you out onto the street and you hoped tonight the men you loved weren’t keeping an eye on you. Maybe naive was an understatement.

“Are they coercing you Y/n! Do they have something on you or are they threatening you?” He calls after you. “Because the Y/n I know would never love killers, what have they done to you?”

It was when he reached his hand out to grab your arm that your boyfriends decided to show themselves from the shadows. Which lead to the situation now, Kai beat up and bruised beyond recognition, and you forced to watch. He falls unconscious and they let him drop to the floor, you hate this side of them, it was cruel and cold but you’d never leave. They turn to face you now, their anger still present despite the last hour of releasing it onto your old partner. They don’t miss the way you’re shaking, the shallow breaths as you try and keep your tears to yourself. As much as you hate their violence, you hate their disappointment in you more.

——————————————————————————

You’re sitting in Joonie’s lap for what you call the debriefing of your punishment, this happened way too often in your opinion. You look down but he wasn’t having it today, tilting your head to look at him by your chin.

“Why did you get punished today little love?” He starts the same way as usual.

“I went out without telling you guys where I was going or who with,” you say while fiddling with your fingers out of nervous habit.

“And?” Hobi sits across from you in a chair, legs straddling the back and an elbow rested on top with his fist holding up his face. Hobi was hardest to pacify, he was ruthless and unforgiving and while that didn’t extend to you, you still had a hard time with his stubborn anger.

“I met up with Kai, and I let him touch me,” you’ve done this too many times before to not know how it worked. Kai’s ‘touch’ obviously meant nothing to you but for them it was the worst crime anyone could commit against their little love.

You remember the time you nearly tripped in the park and a guy steadied you politely, but you still had to hold Jungkook back from throwing hands.

“Kookie would you rather I fell and hurt myself?” No he hadn’t wanted that so he grumbled in agreement still seething but you cooled it down. “Instead of hitting him maybe you should thank him,” it was a joke but it made the youngest scoff.

“Baby girl why can’t you just be good?” Namjoon’s sigh brings you back to the present. “Why do you always have to test us like this?”

You didn’t mean to, you want to say it but the words are stuck below the sob in your throat. You actually whimper as his tone, bottom lip wobbling pathetically. He hadn’t even told you off properly, but you already felt like a mess as he bathed you in his disappointment. That was the common consequence of your actions and you hated it, you couldn’t do anything right.

——————————————————————————

“Jin do you need help with the food?” You ask your eldest boyfriend politely, he was frowning and you thought it was because today’s meal was too much for him to handle alone, his tone of voice made you realise it was because of you.

“No, I’m alright,” he doesn’t look at you as he speaks and you’re left gaping at him like a fish. Jin loved it when you cooked with him, it was your bonding time without the others, although Yoongi would join you from time to time. The others also tried but Jin wouldn’t let them anywhere near the kitchen, they hogged you enough anyway.

You feel your soul deflate, still standing there as he ignored you.

“Are you mad at me too?”

The way you said it made his heart twinge with guilt, but the others were right you wouldn’t learn and your first betrayal was still fresh on their minds. He sighs and you turn away, refusing to crying in front of them for the tenth time that day. What was wrong with you? Ever since that day where they found out who you really were you felt like you werent enough anymore, you tried so hard to make up for it all but you kept messing up. You weren’t like this before, but after seeing the hurt you put them through you were constantly on edge and second guessing yourself. You wish you could go back and stop them from ever finding out.

Jin hears the sniffle as you walk away and he can’t go through with it.

“Wait little love,” he calls for you. “I forgot to cut the onions, would you mind?”

You shake your head, you didn’t mind, but you didn’t trust your voice to answer for you. Youre grateful to Jin for giving you this task, it hides the fact you’re crying, but you know he doesn’t miss it.

——————————————————————————

Jimin and Taehyung were giving you narrowed stern gazes through dinner, it put you off your food which resulted in getting told off by Jin just after he branched out to you in the kitchen.

You felt alone, like the seven men you loved were against you and there was no one to blame but yourself.

“I’m sorry,” you say quietly before getting up and removing yourself from the dinner table and dining room, ignoring all of their stares. You decide maybe an early night is best, you could start again fresh tomorrow. You don’t get too far up the stairs before a hand pulls you back, you turn to see Jimin with Tae a few steps behind him.

You’re so used to seeing them laugh and play around that it feels like you’re looking at different people. Even during missions or gun fights, the youngest three were always joking their way through the bloodshed, keeping scores of who got the most headshots and other grotesque games. You remember the time Jimin and Tae called you during he middle of a shoot out, arguing with you and each other over who you loved more out of the two while you begged them to not get shot or killed.

“Why did you go see him Y/n?” Jimin asked, he wore the demeanour he used for enemies and it takes you back to that night.

“I... h-he said he wanted to see me to catch up,” you explain but you know it’ll fall on deaf ears.

“And you thought that was a good idea, to see your old cop buddy?” His tone makes you feel stupid, you weren’t stupid.

“He was my friend Jimin,” you say in disbelief, you know in the end it was a mistake but at the time it didn’t seem like the worst idea in the world.

“You’re ours,” Taehyung moved forward, towering over you even though he’s a step below you. His face is close to your own, eyes burning into yours as he looks disgusted at the words that left your mouth as if they’re still attached to you. “How do you think we felt when you went to see another detective? Do you have any idea what was going through our heads?”

“Tae I love you,” you lean away from him, searching his face for a hint of softness and love in his gaze, but there was only fire. “You know I wouldn’t, you all know I wouldn’t, I left that life for you why would I turn back to it?”

He stalks away from you without a word, Jimin close behind, giving you a final cold glance before leaving you alone. You thought your love could make them better but if anything you made their darkness worse.

——————————————————————————

Jungkook needed to vent, the only way he knew how was physically. Obviously it wasn’t the cleverest thing he’s done, taking rounds with the punching bag only to open up the cuts on his hand from beating the bastard earlier. He mutters a few curse words under his breath, why did you make matters worse? Maybe they were being harsh on you before today, finding any excuse to punish you a little, test your boundaries and see if you would run, but today they honestly feared that was what happened. They thought you chose to leave them and go back to the life you had before them, but they’d never let you go, they couldn’t let you go. Despite everything you loved them and they worshipped the ground you walked on. You were everything for them now, there’s be no point to any of them without you. Why didn’t you understand that?

He throws another punch to the bag, spreading his blood across them, it hurt like hell, but the thought of you running back to your old partner still played on all of their minds. He wanted to cry, he wanted to find you and beg you to never leave them, they’d be nothing without you.

There’s a knock on the door and he finds you on the other side, waiting for permission to come in. You never waited for permission, it makes him frown, maybe they were too harsh on you today. He could see you shuffling your weight, insecurity screaming through your eyes, you feared his rejection more than his anger.

He notices the first aid kit in your hand, you must’ve heard him. He doesn’t let the fluttering in his chest reach his face as he sits on the bench, waiting for you to come to him.

His gaze is expectant, daring you to cross the threshold and face him, you were no coward, you didn’t fear them the way others did, why were you behaving so meekly now? You force yourself to move and sit beside him, setting the kit down and pushing your hair back behind your ears. He doesn’t move his gaze away from you, even with the sweat and hair hanging in front of his face.

You carefully take a his hand into yours, sucking air between your teeth at how injured it was.

“I’m sorry you hurt yourself because of me,” you say, eyes on his bloodied knuckle as you press the ointment against the open wounds. “Are you sure you want me to stay, I keep hurting you...”

You try to sound like you’re joking, that you’re okay and the hurt isn’t weighing you down with your doubts. He frowns, they really did take it too far. He sets down the cotton wool from your grasp, taking both of hands into his before kissing each finger delicately without letting you look away.

“You’re perfect little love,” Jungkook says, reassuring you with no question in his voice. “We’re the ones who don’t deserve you, we’re mean and cruel but we’re never letting you go.”

You remember how loving they were before that night, maybe while they accepted the truth at face value they could never really forgive you in their hearts. Maybe that’s why they were being like this, they didn’t love you the same way anymore.

“Do you love me?” You had to know, the doubt was eating you alive.

He looks at you as if you’re insane, maybe you are, you don’t know anymore.

“Little love, don’t you see how much we love you?” He asks sincerely. “We would do anything for that love even if it made you hate us, you belong with us, and no one is going to take you away.”

You could see the crazed look in his face grow as he spoke, you believed him, the honestly worn like a heart on a sleeve. But his answer bought a wave clarity to your hazed vision, you made them like this, you made them worse, you had to leave.

[reporterleroux]

BC DAVE?? Guys I think I love him but I fucking hate him at the same time ❤️☹️ anyways more prompt generator stuff 😍

Give me a hand, will ya?

(No specific gender/sex implied!! Enjoy ❤️)

Yet again, another busy day at Freddy Fazbears Pizzeria. As much as you didnt want to come in on Christmas Eve, it seems as if many parents want to take their kids to a local pizza place the day before Christmas. What the fuck is up with people? Just when you thought it was already bad, Phil, your manager, came up to you, saying "Y/N, I need you to help man the floor today. Can you do that?" You reluctantly agreed to do so. He was a nice guy, you can't be blatantly rude and say no.

So, that's what got you in this situation. Centre floor, surrounded by kids who's parents had no control over, almost tackling you to the ground as you were surrounded by them. You bet either Jeremy or Dave would've laughed if they saw you. They were nagging you to do something, they didn't want the animatronics for some reason. "Okay, okay! Do you kids... Like magic?" You nervously offered. This was overwhelming, its why you prefer places like the kitchens. They all started kicking off, clearly not impressed. They were screaming, you covered your ears as they did so, the parents soon joining you guys to come shout at you. You didn't know what to do, or what you did wrong, and it was making you more panicked and overwhelmed than you had been before.

Little did you know, Dave had been watching from the other side of the floor the whole time. He watched how you interacted with the kids, how you tried your hardest, and he appreciated it all. He would never admit first, but he loves you. Everything about you. So when he suddenly realised how overwhelming the situation was for you, he had to step in. "Howdy guys, gals n' kiddins. May I ask what's happenin 'ere?" One parent spoke up in a particularly angry tone, explaining to him. He calmly nodded along, as he grabbed your hand from where it rested and squeezed it reassuringly. You didn't look at him to avoid any more argument. As soon as the parent finished, he spoke again. "Well, were most sorry for any inconvenience it may've caused ya. There are plenty of kids facilities 'ere, so take yer kiddins there, instead of lettin them pounce on my coworker 'ere." The parent scoffed, grabbing their kid and walking away. Dave quickly started walking out of the group, keeping hold of your hand.

You had finally got away from the group, and into the privacy of the break room. Dave still hadn't let go of your hand, though. Not that you minded, little did he know you felt the same way about him that he did about you. "Thanks for that, Dave. Honestly. It was becoming way too overwhelming." Dave flashed a soft smile your way, melting your heart. "Least I could do, pardner. I saw those kiddins from over the floor, but when the parents came in I decided that was enough." You smiled, before smirking mischievously as you remembered you were both still holding hands. "So, you like holding my hand?" His eyes widened, a mix of a flustered and embarassed look on his face. He quickly took his hand away. "Oh, uh, sorry." He chuckled nervously. "I mean, yea, I guess?" He got quieter as it went on. You laughed at him, taking his hand back in yours.

"I love you Dave. Thanks for everything."

"I love ya too, darlin. Yer most welcome."

See guys, I do get shit out from time to time 😒 /j

Prompt:

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Superman's Dishcloth

A small cute headcannon thats been sitting on my tablet?

Summary: some people use pick up lines to get a womans number, henry uses a crochet lesson.

Warnings: Fluff?

Your fingers twisted the yarn around the hook automatically looping and pulling untill you made another double crochet stitch that the pattern required.

To be honest you wasnt paying that much attention as you worked your project, which was stupid really because you were making a new pattern, a bobble popcorn style head band.

You couldnt concentrate for two reasons

One. You were on a goddamned plane soaring across the Atlantic ocean. And if things went tits up you cant swim.

And two? You were seated next to none oher then mr henry cavill himself.

Not that you made a thing about it or even dared to look at him.

He he was watching you, eyes frowning as your fingers twisted the yarn into an intricate looking yet fairly simple pattern.

Youhad to stifle a laugh as his fingers twitched tryig to follow the moves and figure out what you were doing.

You growled missing count again. One, two, three three, skip three. A crochet, half double crochet, two double crochet in one stitch then skip three stitches and repeat untill the end.

Normally youd have no problems but your audience was putting you off.

You dropped the project in your lap as you miscounted again and realised you had to undo the last twelve stitches otherwise you'd be a set out on the end.

You closed your eyes grunting before slipping the hook out and began to tug the working yarn slowly before pinching it and slipping the hook into the loop catching it before it all unraveled.

"Why'd you undo it?" You jumped a little as the huge man beside you spoke up after watching you quietly since take off.

"Huh?... oh i misscounted i skipped four instead of three so it'd be out of line on the end and curl round..."

"How'd you know?" He frowned now leaning over even more curious then before.

You chewed your lip trying not to freak out as he peered over your little project.

"Err well i just counted the stiches i had left on the row, see i was up to here and there was five left not six, so i pulled it taught to spot the odd one out" you explained pulling more yarn through so you could point out the stitches to him with the hook.

"It looks complicated, you twist it so many times?" He said as your fingers began moving once more creating the repetitive pattern.

"Yeah... its not too difficult, Im doing a few different stitches is all, once you know a single crochet stitch and a chain stitch your good to go" You muttered with a smile.

"I doubt its that simple" he replied trying to keep up with watching your fingers guiding the hook jthought the piece making the fabric grow.

"It really is, here you see the little v on top?" You said slowing deciding to show him just how simple it was.

"Yeah?" He hummed quietly watching keenly.

"Thats the row before, so you slip your hook under both strands like this and loop your yarn over then pull through under that v so you have one loop on your hook" you said moving slowly and loosened the stitch with a light wiggle so he could see properly.

"Then loop the yarn over again so you have two loops, and pull the second one through the first... and thats a single crochet stitch" You explained showing him slowly.

"So you make lots of tiny loops and pull them through one another and it some how becomes fabric?" He asked fascinated by it, watching as you began to work on the next stitch.

"Yeah pretty much"

"But that one you pulled the wool over before you did anything at all?" You paused impressed he had noticed the slight difference... he had been watchkn that closely?

"So that was a half double, when you do a half double or double you yarn over first, then you just keep yarning over and pulling through until your left with one loop on the hook" you tried explaining as simply as you could.

"... it still sounds hard" he uttered still focusing on your hands that had been creating stitches.

"Honestly its not, i taught myself in about an hour and a half? Here try it? I've got extra yarn in my carry on if you want to give it a go?" You offered and instantly flushed you did not just offer to teach superman how to crochet like a fucking granny!

Before you could take it back and apologise he beamed.

"Really? That would be fun, i've never tried anything like this before" he said eagerly.

"Err yeah sure lemme just get you started, i'll give you a 5 hook... here" you said surprized digging about pulling the small ergonomic crochet hook out and some mustard yellow yarn.

"So you start with a slipknot... and then a few chain stitches" you began guiding him through it slowly teaching him the steps.

"So do you always crochet on long flights?" He asked pokeing his tongue out as he tried concentrating on the stitches he was doing.

"Yeah, im not good with confined spaces... especially confide spaces that are a good few miles in the air over the open ocean" you chuckled nervously chaining a stitch then turning begining your next row.

"Honestly im not either, usually i have kal- my dog but... not this time... this is good though, its helping take my mind off it thank you" he said sincerly.

"Dont mention it"

"Oh... i think ive done it wrong?" He said andnheld it out to you, you prodded it and to be honest you were impressed, it was neat, not a dropped stitch in sight... just a few loose stitches here and there, but he was finding a good tension.

"No, thats not wrong... just your tension thats all it comes with practice" you said handing it back to him.

"Tension?" He said making you pause. Oh yeah, he wouldnt knpw what that is yet.

"Yeah, how tight you hold the yarn and hook determies how tight your stitches are... mines pretty bad, i have to always use a size bigger hook" you expalined simply

"Really?"

"Yep, i do it too tight- even snapped a metal hook in my hand before" you chuckled remebering the way the hook had just... snapped mid project.

"Wow that sounds painfull?" He huffed eeingnyour hand curiously as if expecting you to snap a hook then and there.

"Yeah, i will admit i was frustrated with the project so it probably didnt help" you chuckled sheepishly.

"Frustrated? Was it complicated like that one?" He asked nodding to your growing head band.

"No, i kept loosing count on a pattern of 78 stitches" you said trying to wave it off but in actual fact that project had been murder.

"So what are you making?" He finally asked eyeingnyour work that had grown wider.

"A little headband, and hopefully i will widen it at the ears to keep em warm" you giggled wrapping it around pinchingnthe ends together proudly presenting it to him.

He grinned and looked down at his little square fiddling with it.

"And im making a... mess?" He laughed holding up the uneven square cheeks tinted pink when you giggled again.

"... Dishcloth?" You offered prodding it gently.

"Perfect, im making a dishcloth!" He bellowed nodding proud of his new diy dish cloth.

"I'm henry by the way. But from the way you were shaking in your seat im guessing you knew?" He finally introduced himself holding out a hand.

You smiled shyly and took it shakingnhands trying not to fawn over how huge hot and soft the palm was.

"Yeah... sorry i was nervous and you probably dont want to be bugged. Im y/n" you tried explaining nervously but he chuckled.

"I wouldnt mind being bugged by such a cutie~" he uttered quietly smirking at you tipping his head down a little too make sure you heard him despite his voice being quiet.

"Oh stop it" you flushed quickly looking down at your headband noticing your stitches werent as even as they could have been, but it couldnt be helped you had handsome distraction.

A very distracting handsome distraction.

"Its true. Besides i think it was me bugging you... and i have managed to plunder through your wool" he grinned sheepishly holding up his little dishcloth.

"Its fine, it not expensive, this is left over yarn from other projects" you waved him off. It was true ou had lots of odd ends and half skeins of woll from other projects.

"Well still i appreciate it, i hate flying" he said sincerly.

"Well now you have something to practice. Youll leave the plane with a new skill to stick on your cv" you added with a grin nudging him playfully.

"Indeed... And perhaps i can leave the p,ane with err...maybe your number to? You know to replace the wool and erm swap err instructions?" He said nervously jumbling his words.

You paused and looked at him shocked blinking. Did he just?

You blinked again watching as his face grew red and he chuckled nerously plucking at the woll on his dishcloth.

"Well i suppose every student needs to be able to contact theor teacher~ and these instructions are called patterns" you smiled to him nodding slowly.

"Right right i knew that of course they're patterns" he chuckled grinning ear to ear relived you hadnt turned him down.

"Well we have a good few hours, perhaps a few more lessons for my little student?" You teased picking up the pattern to show him some of the abbreviations. Mostly to try and concentrate on somthing other then the fact superman had just asked for your number... and was taking crochet lessons.

"Of course" he said excited eyes glittering with glee whilst looking at the small page.

[matchamabs]

I know you didn’t ask for it but- BOTW MONSTERS: RANKED BY HOW HOT THEY ARE,,,,

i do fuck all in the days lemme tell ya

ill admit i havent done EVERY enemy but like. i do enjoy making these posts so who knows, i might actually rank everything sooner or later 🤷‍♀️

,,,,, and if u want a specific ranking of botw/aoc stuff lmk 👀

ahh the ol reliable. the classic bokoblin. he is just a little lad! unfortunately they’re genuinely kind of ugly??? and the idk the singular horn in the middle aint a good look. i see cute comics abt these guys being domestic and thats adorable but also giving them so much leeway bc they’re really Not that cute. not sure what the loincloth is hiding and im not sure i wanna know anyway. 3/10 really kind of. not good. 

slightly bigger loincloth only means slightly bigger things to hide :( i rlly hate these guys noses and whatever the fuck toenails they have why do they have toenails?????? s’bad. the thing is tho they have the proportions of a potentially attractive gerudo which is probably what takes the edge off the general vibes of... u know... being an abomination. its also only JUST occured to me as im writing that these guys r just evolved bokoblins so. glow up i guess. 6/10 what that tongue do

ok bypassing whatever the fuck rule 34 has done to these guys, i actually dig them. i find the huge fat ones way cuter than the lil bug eyed ones. in their case theres rlly no, like... hotness about them. its just cute. i think they’re cute. any monster that is cute and also doubles up as a bed gets my vote 7/10 get urself a fella as flexible as these guys 

u know what, im gonna say it, these guys r actually kinda hot. proportions arent super bad, the face aint bad and generally they have good vibes. aside from, u know, when they’re tryna shank u. id say one of the most bearable monsters to have to look at. 8/10 im not a scalie

??????????? idk what to say. u could tie these little shits to like swingball poles and beat them with rackets thatd b good. aside from that these guys have like no redeeming qualities. they’re a pain in the ass and not in a good way. 3/10 cute but like. is it worth it?

i mean,,,,,,,, someones probably into it. i dont like these guys for a lot of reason and surprisingly the thing that gets me is the fucking hair why does it have that hair its like he-man just went straight over the top with an electric razor its not a good look!!! stop trying to make it work! it wont! and again with the loincloth??? im not into it. the only thing i like abt these guys is the lil waistcoats. they have some amount of decency (but the implications it makes are Not Good). uh. 2/10. barely.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

,,,,,9/10. but if you see a lynel up close like that chances are you died about half a minute ago

again. ??? i dont rlly like. i mean. im digging the top heavy proportions? its got the same body type as kass so like. 4/10. bit plain around the features but what can u do. i dont understand how but the igneo taluses are like. sexier 

UGHGHHH I FUCKING HATE THESE THINGS okay okay okay like these motherfuckers lure u in by being quite cute and dancin around and then u get a look at their faces and its like fucking JESUS and its even WORSE when you see under their cloak and they have no necks????? and like????? they do that gay little fucking dance that pisses me off???? they’re wearing hoods that give the ILLUSION that they have necks and im im fumin ok i HATE it i hate it i have been betrayed and i will NEVER FORGET ABOUT IT UGHGHGHG I HATE THESE CUNTS -10000000000000000000000000000000000/10 die

hhhhh i just dont like em. theyre too annoying to be cute now. and whats gonna happen if i squeeze one? is like. water gonna come out? r they just gonna deflate? 4/10 tentacles are not hyrules forte it seems ://

trust kohga to send the twinks out on the front line. seriously. they’re not bad tho? kinda small and underwhelming :((( tho i give extra points for the good crazy laugh we love a good manic cackle 6/10 they dont really count as monsters but ah well where else am i gonna put em

now THATS what im talkin about babeyyyyy we love the muscles,,,,, the posture,,, the stride,,, we love it when u fuck up stealth and a torrential downpour of these motherfuckers come down to beat ur ass,,,,, 9/10 its raining men 😎

u know. u dont rlly like. get a good view of these guys when ur balls deep in a battle with them, but the more i get like closer looks at them the more i go ???? like idk. everything about them looks backwards and wrong. but as far as backwards and wrong goes its not a bad look and the boss theme is a banger so 4/10 maybe dont jump on my ass every time i step one foot onto the desert :/

i just. i dont dig it. idk why. aside from the fact they’re a monumental pain in my ass, and now everytime i hear a beep even slightly resembling a guardian i shit my pants, but. idk??? as far as robots go its not like. terrible. they’re like the milfs of robots. the milves, if u will. a rilf. except i wouldnt. so its more like riwlf. but even that leaves too much up to interpretation so im just gonna call em a cunt and go. 4/10 leg game strong

here we are,,, the big boys,,,, waterblight isnt too bad i will admit, but the spear hand is both annoying and mildly inconvenient. its got a rlly big chest but rlly thin arms?? also not sure how i feel abt the strap on beard but oh well its not like ganons got taste. 5/10 kind of average for a blight i think

a hefty motherfucker. a chunk of a lad. big large. the fact this is like one of the easiest blights makes it more forgiveable to me but like whatever its got going on with the 80s hair needs 2 be sorted out. i like its moves but it doesnt hang upside down like waterblight :((( 5/10 calm down kate bush

ok who doesnt like gun arms. and a gun back. this things like fuckin megatron. the whole face plate thing doesnt look bad either. honestly its kind of a look? but its dickheadery in aoc makes me wanna set shit on fire so :// 6/10 hot but will not leave u alone 😔

ok this one is by FAR the sexiest of all the blights. i just cant explain it. i like guys with bad posture. i had an easy time beating it but apparently its given other people a lot of grief and that makes it 10x more sexy to me lmaooo. also it can clone itself which is like. thats a win. 8/10 ganon spilt all the sexy juice into this one

ok i didnt realise how many arms this motherfucker has and the whole hairline behind the ears thing is not a great look. especially w the beard. in fact the longer i look at it the less sexy it becomes tbh. 3/10 they tried to make arachnophobia sexy and it didnt work

10/10 i will be taking questions in my inbox but i wont be taking constructive criticism and you cant make me 

[anarmorofwords]

Hc turns out Alastair actually likes politics

Hes smart and hed like to make a change in the way shadowhunters are treated

Hes like Christopher in that aspects, wanting to use different ways to advocate and carry out his mandate thought hes a good fighter

But he thinkseverything is extremly wrong and corrupted and its all shit after the breakup and he starts having HIS own thoughts

And necesarily he doesnt want to actually actively participate in politics

He wants to live his life and be happy

But it never stops nagging him that there is something wrong

So he does what he knows how to do

He writes, and advocates, and apologizez to Thomas cause he is aware Gideon is high up in politics but see your fathers not the problem im critisizing a system.

Writes it under A.C.

And everyones knows its him but no one can prove it so

Hes very vocal aboit his opinions

Once he dies the clave really tries to hude everything he did

All his small victories, his writtings everything because it challenges their costumes. Until Alec is able to find them

And theyre brilliant

And after getting 1900's speak (which is hilarious cause he just walks around the apartment with Alastairs letters like "hey babe what does effontry mean?" And magnus will shout "means someones being a huge dick" "Thank you Magnus")

Its actually pretty smart

He asks if Magnus has any idea who AC is and Magnus really doesnt know (he wasnt in shadowhunter buisness around that time he just visited offly) (and by offly I mean every ten years)

So he takes one of the letters for some time to try to figure it out and after reading everything just clicks like "Oh shit this was Cordelias brother"

And Alec is like???

Magnus: okok remember how I told you half your ancestors just didnt just "not marry" but were excrutiatingly gay

Alec nods

Magnus hands him the letter: see this was one of your ancestors lovers and he was a smartass cocky mf

After that lovely explanation he actually gets down to genuinly explain who Alstair was

His theory was really good Alec noted

At the end he takes into account some of the things he wrote

And when he finds an old letter (that had nothing to do with politics) he gives it to Emma

She lost everything she had of her family besides her sword

He knows shed like to have his ancestor as equally liked to participate in fuck the clave agenda

ok wait I'm having a moment *aka crying*

You KNOW this is exactly what he'd do. Like, I don't even know what to say I'm so emotional about this concept

He would totally see Charlotte's struggles with Maurice and the rest of Clave, and that's even more reason to keep it anon (to a degree, as you said) so people couldn't say he's biased (because Fairchilds/Lightwoods/Herondales' are friends and everyone knows that.)

(But honestly would many people be able to guess it's him?!? Like those asses that used to know his wittiness and eloquence wouldn't believe his opinions changed (because even after he starts "living with his dear friend Thomas" and gets closer to Lightwoods etc., that's not enough proof for people to suspect him, and he's not vocal about his views. and his friends etc wouldn't say. Idk just thinking out loud)

Oh I'm pretty sure Thomas wouldn't mind BUT ALSO IMAGINE ALASTAIR JUST STRAIGHT UP DISCUSSING THESE THINGS WITH GIDEON

like we know Gideon basically adopts him (aka that's a headcanon I'll never ever abandon it's canon shut up everyone) and loves him like his own son and so they just meet for dinner/tea/whatever to chat, and Alastair would often just suggest things to Gideon so he could present them to the Clave please this would be perfect

Also I don't know as much about Enneagram as you, but from what I've read wanting to leave their mark on the world is pretty important to eights, so on one hand yes those writings helping and inspiring Alec years later is beautiful af, but also THE CLAVE BURYING IT ALL FOR DECADES BREAKS MY HEART

just... Alastair dying, say, probably somewhere around/after WWII, and seeing how mundanes world went to shit and seeing similarly dangerous fucked up notions among the Shadowhunters (I barely remember TMI, but I doubt the Circle jsut appeared out of nowhere and there were no idiotic ideas like theirs before ) atahgasyab my heart </3

the thought of Magnus reminiscing about TLH gang to Alec shit shit shit- *cries more*

And damn Alec would find so much comfort in Alastair's story - a man who fought for the right cause even despite all he went through, and even in those much worse times. It brings Alec strength to face his own battles, reminds him to never give up. sometimes he's tired and defeated and thinks maybe it would be better to just leave it all behind and try to fight for nothing more than his own family's well-being, but then he glances at one of those essays, framed over his desk, and he takes a deep breath. He thinks of Alastair, and says to himself 'its for him'. For the guy that didn't get to see the changes, but relentlessly advocated for them all the same. Its for Thomas, Eugenia and Anna Lightwood, Matthew Fairchild, Kamala Joshi, who all should not have lived through those struggles. That's what he can do for them now.

fuck fuck fuck look I don't like Emma but the thought of her smugly realising one of her ancestors was not only a badass gay icon but an advocate for change that messed with the Clave as much as he could hold up I'm gonna cry-

Basically-