#so i feel like i might have a skewed perspective

[that-dreaming-dragon]

While my 2.5 lingual-ness is leaning more towards English dominant, I also get frustrated with this situation at times. I mean, it's certainly not an alterhuman only thing since the majority of this world does deal with anglocentrism, and I guess in term, we the alterhuman community suffer from that same issue.

I'd mentioned a bit about it myself, how there are words that I can use in a different language (namely Chinese and sometimes Japanese) that would convey the matter at hand better than in English. Say, for example, divinity and deity. Those words have cultural connotations that present very differently in a Christian-influenced culture (which is also largely anglocentric) when I'm coming from a POV that's asian cultured both in beliefs and linguistical meaning.

I'm in the process of translating Orion Scribner's A Simple Introduction to Otherkin and Therianthropes and gods, I can totally tell you the struggle with that alone. Like, when you talk about shifts in my head I'm just going, wait, how the hell do they speak about in Chinese? Tbf I'm probably one of those who doesn't help enough because I spend the majority of my time in English-speaking alterhuman places. But that's not an alterhuman thing, that's a sort of personal issue that I don't really deal well with Chinese folks. My Japanese is not fluent enough to tell what that part of the alterhuman community would be like. And yes, I'm calling it "that part of alterhuman community" because internationally, there are alterhuman, some use the word, some don't, some have the concept but don't know the word that's available because once again, it's all in English.

I think it's kinda similar for things say, queer identities. My mother and I basically use "middle gender" for me in Chinese because the translation for nonbinary is really clunky to use. I don't even know how to work with the equivalent of "boy/girl/enby" in Chinese because even in English, enby still has quite a bit of issue and many don't use it as well.

I'm getting so off track.

I just feel like, it's not just a language issue. It's also cultural. I feel like a lot of identity talk gets more evolved in English because culturally, there's more acceptance. And it's probably perpetuated by the whole Anglocentricsm thing, but that's a bit of a chicken-and-egg situation I feel like, thus hard to say which is the cause and which is the effect. Let me go back to queer stuff again for a bit. Asian culture-wise, being able to talk about even just being homosexual is already a blessing. How the heck can I talk about aspect or xenogender? If there's no acceptance, there won't be language being built around it.

While alterhuman concepts ironically would be more accepted in Asian culture imo, it also runs the same but different kinds of issues that, it's talking about identity, a community focused culture like some Asian cultures is probably less inclined to make words for it, or if there are already similar concept say from a spiritual aspect, why does it need to be slot into alterhuman (which doesn't have so and so language equivalent of) when it can perfectly talk about the way it is? Meanwhile, actual alterhuman who uses alterhuman language and know about alterhuman in English might not know to make the link, or maybe who knows, it gets called cultural appropriation by English-speaking folks because obviously you can't be yourself, some self-righteous folks will call you names, for wrongfully using your own culture's language.

I don't know, I haven't faced those issues personally, fortunately, even if I'd seen some here and there. And it's really hard to tell both because I have personal issues with what my culture actually is, or I lack confidence on what I can actually speak on because I run the issue of being American Asian, so my perspective is skewed in some way that doesn't always touch enough on those who are more either side instead of in the middle (of nowhere).

Oof, sorry, rambled a lot on this reblog.

Also let me drop this here before I forget again non-English alterhuman communities listing by Lupine Chimere

Anglocentrism in alterhuman communities: ramblings of a Spanish-speaking dragon and a cat

[original in spanish here, though i have no doubt that this version will be disseminated more widely] • [original en español aquí, aunque tengo la certeza de que esta versión se difundirá más ampliamente]

this post was originally written as part of The Sol System's Alterhuman Writing Challenge. written by @talon-dragonbeast, with the help of my sibling @watcherwingedcat. we hope you like it!

word count: 2422

This writing, which is more of a rant with myself than a proper essay, is one I've been meaning to write for a long time; ever since I first joined an online community, to be more precise. Anglocentrism, according to Wikipedia (and yes, the irony of the article not being available in Spanish is not lost to me), is "the practice of viewing the world primarily through the lens of English or Anglo-American culture, language, and values, often marginalizing or disparaging non-English-speaking or non-Anglo perspectives."

If you are monolingual and your native language is English, chances are you have never stopped to think about the advantage this gives you over those of us who are not so fortunate as to be born with the lingua franca on our lips. Yes, you may have had to study some Spanish in school, but let's be honest, very few people remember what they learn in elementary school. As an English speaker, the whole world is built for you, and it's the rest of us who have to fit your mold. Culture, scientific articles, movies, books, video games, the internet, online communities, technical language, educational videos: even in the most international spaces, everything revolves around English. Which brings me to the subject of this writing: The Alterhuman community.

My name (as I am known on the internet, at least) is Talon. I've been a member of the alterhuman community, and more specifically, the otherkin community, for a little over a year now. Otherkin (a word that comes from other, in Spanish otros; and kin, shortened form of kind, in Spanish tipo) are people who identify as nonhuman in some way. For example, I identify as a dragon (among other things), and that's what I am, even if I look human on the outside and am perceived as such. There are many reasons why someone might believe they are not human, but I'm not here to discuss that, so let's get back to the topic at hand.

Since I've been in this community, I haven't written a single post in Spanish. And not for lack of desire, nor because I am intimidated to share something as personal as my mother tongue. No, the reason is simple: The community does not exist in any language other than English. By this I don't mean that there are no non-humans outside of England or the United States, because of course there are (even if they are on other platforms like TikTok or Instagram), and I'll talk about those later. But simply put, the reason you don't see many alterhuman communities in other languages is because all the resources, the introductions, the chronologies of the (English) alterhuman community, the definitions of the terms, the terms themselves, everything is in English.

I have always been bilingual. Well, trilingual actually, although my third language is not too relevant in my day to day life and I only use it in classes or when someone starts a conversation in the language. It's hard to explain how your brain works when you speak multiple languages fluently, but basically it's like running two parallel systems at the same time, but with thoughts. I don't usually think with words, but when I do it usually happens that some of my thoughts are in Spanish, and others in English, roughly in a 50/50 ratio. Or it can also happen that I start the thought in one language, but finish it in another. Or I may try to use a specific word in English that does not have an exact translation into Spanish, so that when translated literally the sentence does not make sense. Basically, everything I write or say out loud I have to run it through several filters first, one to remove the words from the other language, one to find the words to replace them with, and one to make the sentence make sense. Sounds exhausting, doesn't it? It is. Now imagine if in order to express yourself as you really are, in order to participate in a community with beings who understand and accept you like no other, you had to basically suppress half of who you are, all the time.

The problem is not only not being able to use my native language to express myself. As I have demonstrated in the last year and a half that I have been in this community, I am fluent enough in English not only to be understood when I speak, but also to express such complicated concepts as the self, human nature, the psychology of being, and all that comes with existing as nonhuman. The real problem comes when I try to express relatively common alterhuman concepts in my native language. I'm not just talking about labels like otherkin or therianthrope, which can be adapted to Spanish with relative ease. It's the little things, the simplest things.

For example, the term shift. The word itself is already difficult to translate; during my searches, I found a glossary of terms on the Otherkin Hispano website in which they call them "desplazamientos", which... is an accurate translation, I guess, but impossible to use comfortably in everyday life. There are also terms whose definitions use expressions that simply cannot be translated into other languages. For example, otherkin and otherhearted. In English, the difference between these two terms is that otherkin means "[to] identify as" while otherhearted is "[to] identify with". But this is a purely English expression. In other languages, the distinction does not exist, or it makes no sense to use it; therefore, these terms are totally inaccessible to any international user. Or compound words like "catkin", which are difficult to express in other languages. According to Otherkin Hispano, in Spanish it would be said as is without translation, Soy catkin. But that... is not grammatically correct, since it would be mixing two languages in the same sentence. The most appropriate would be to say Soy gatokin, which sounds wrong and doesn't make sense anyway, because kin is still an English word. Or "hearttype", which in Spanish could be roughly translated as "tipo del corazón" (kind of [the] heart). When saying that you have a specific hearttype, for example "corvidhearted", one way of expressing it could be a simple Soy corvidhearted, which carries the same problems as catkin. Or you could, as Wikipedia advises, say Soy corazón de córvido ("I am heart of corvid"). I don't dislike it, to be honest, but some might find it too metaphorical or poetic.

Finally, and before reaching the conclusion, I want to dedicate a few paragraphs to talk about the alterhuman community that exists in other languages. I mentioned before these communities; that although they do exist, they are very scattered through platforms such as TikTok or Instagram, with which I am not so familiar. But since I can't talk about Anglocentrism without at least talking about the Spanish-speaking alterhuman community, I asked my sibling Watcher @watcherwingedcat what it thought about the topic. This is what they wrote:

Hi guys, I'm Watcher, and I'm here to talk a bit about the Spanish-speaking therian community, which I think is the pristine example of the hate we receive both from people outside the community and from those inside, both Spanish and South American. While this post focused more on the language barriers, I want to focus on the real consequences of this barrier, how it divides us in the way we interact with each other: The social part of this whole thing (as I already said some other time or another and some of my followers know, I am studying Social Education, so from my point of view the social part is very relevant for everything we do). As my sister already said (hi Talon!), the English community is the majority in alterhuman spaces, but, what is the Spanish-speaking community really like?

Not very large, is the answer. The term itself is not very widespread, and the community is quite small. However, after a while of searching, I found it in a little corner of the internet. When I found a community in my own language, I was excited, but my curiosity and joy were soon extinguished... When I saw the reactions to their videos and posts on tiktok mainly. They were packed with hate messages. Packed. If you think hate in the English community is bad, you are not prepared for the hate received in other communities, especially the Spanish one. This is more a matter of culture, a little bit also due to the closed mindedness in countries like Spain, Argentina, or Colombia.

In general, the non-humans of the Spanish-speaking community mostly post about quadrobics and masks. At least, I haven't seen much beyond that, and the community is mostly in tiktok. And the reception of their expression of way of being? Disgusting. To give an example of how bad the hate is, in one of the videos I found (I think it was a therian making a mask or something), humans and non-humans were insulting the therian posting the video, discussions about how we are crazy and sick in the head and should be in mental institutions... It was horrible. The worst were the death threats, even, wishing the therian to die, or hang themselves, or worse (I've even seen rape threats). Comments that said things like, "If my sister told me she was a dog I would take her clothes off and force her to sleep outside and eat animal food, if she wants to be a dog I will treat her like one." Threats of abuse, both physical and sexual... Absolutely disgusting. And the worst thing is that the tiktok platform did not remove these hate accounts, the copy and paste messages of insults, the threats....

I am proud of the Hispanic community for being so open about their identity, don't get me wrong, but there are times when it is safer to just not share that part of who we are with others, especially if you are a minor and vulnerable. That's another issue that concerns me, as I've seen people coming out to parents, siblings, friends, and them just belittling them. That, coupled with misinformation, is a recipe for disaster.

I couldn't help but notice the deep root of misinformation in the non-human community itself. They confuse definitions, the different terms, which leads them to spread even more misinformation. This I don't think is entirely their fault, or that they are so young for the most part, as I have not seen Hispanic therians over the age of 18. I think this is largely due (as Talon already mentioned) to the language difference, and the lack of translation of certain terms. In general, when talking to friends with whom I am open about my non-humanity, I use English terms. It is a little weird to use those words in English while speaking in Spanish, but I am bilingual and for now there is no solution to that. I think the Spanish community would benefit from spreading correct information, and having a platform to express themselves with their own, like tumblr is for the English community. Something my sister expands on in dreir post. As for me here I finish my little comment, I'll leave you with Talon now. Watcher out.

As a conclusion, I would like to talk about the consequences that Anglocentrism might have on non-English speaking alterhumans, and then propose some ideas on how we might begin to address (or at least mitigate) it as a community.

First of all it is the obvious; the vast majority of non-English speaking alterhumans simply never realize that they are alterhumans in the first place, on account of the language barrier. All of the resources for beings who are questioning their humanity or lack thereof are in English, so they are not accessible to people who don't understand the language; therefore, a non-English speaker would have a much harder time accessing them. Another consequence is not being able to express your alterhumanity fully, both internally and externally. Remember when I mentioned that my thoughts are evenly distributed between English and Spanish, always keeping a 50/50 ratio? Well, recently, I have noticed that when reflecting on my identity as a dragon, all my thoughts are automatically generated in English. I find this deeply shocking, as I feel that a fundamental part of my identity is being eroded. It is devastating to feel that you can only express half of who you are, suppressing what could otherwise be a complex and multifaceted identity. Not being able to express myself in my other language limits my ability to explore that part of myself.

Anglocentrism is a cycle that never ends; since all the resources are in English, no members in other languages can join, and since there are no members in other languages, all the resources that are created are in English. And while I wish I could say that I have a solution to end this Anglocentrism once and for all, unfortunately, I do not. I am only one person (dragon), and this is a problem that I alone cannot solve. True, there have been some commendable attempts by the international community (translations of writings, alterhuman blogs in languages other than English, the Eurokin server on Discord are some examples); however, these initiatives often don't often get very far because of the very nature of the community. As I have already said, most of the alterhumans are North American or English, therefore any attempt to globalize the community would be restricted by the fact that there are not many members who would be interested in this in the first place. So what can we do to change this? The answer lies in you, reader. If you have a second language, encourage yourself to create writings in it from time to time. If you come from a culture other than the mainstream, talk about how that affects your identity. If you have traditions specific to your country that you believe are alterhuman in nature, share them. And if you are part of the English-speaking majority, I invite you to contribute in a positive way through simple actions, such as listening to us when we express ourselves in other languages, recognizing that we do not all share the same culture, and keeping an open mind when discussing topics that may be unfamiliar to you. Our strength as a community lies in the diversity of our members; let's embrace it.

[fella-lovin-fella]

okay this is just for my curiosity but

just go off of your best guesstimate

[ferociouslycreativemystery]

Me: I'm fine about my autism now btw, like I've come to terms with my fixated interests, limited tolerances and social inabilities. The alienation it brings is not ideal but it's just a reality I've gotta deal with now that I know it's just a part of who I am. I mean, it's not like an awkward conversation is gonna ruin anyone's life, is it? We'll both move on from it eventually. This is fine!

Also me: physically unable to watch beyond the first word of the first question of The Assembly because oh my god what if someone says something awkward or controversial or someone can't make themselves understood people are gonna get mad and scream about it online and I will freeze up and be stuck in the backlash forever I don't know how to handle conflict AT ALL let's just hide in the corner behind the sofa instead wait what if I became a hermit actually yeah yeah yeah that sounds good let's do that

[sammyluvr]

angel!reader heacanons — sam winchester

cw : gn!reader, fluff, reader really really loves cats, sort of naive/super adorable reader, little bit of disillusionment, not proofread, 2.4K words. requested !

prompt : simply just sam x angel!reader <3

✶.◟ sometimes, sam still thinks about how disappointing it was to find out the reality of heaven and angels and god

✶.◟ of course, there’s the occasionally kind angel, and of course, there’s cas

✶.◟ but when you come along, he’s certainly still suspicious of you and your intentions

✶.◟ you’ve never been to earth before, and that often means a firm indoctrination in the skewed perspective of many angels

✶.◟ cas didn’t know much about you when you came along, just that you’re a low ranking angel whom he’s never heard anything bad about

✶.◟ you’re there on orders, of course, and it doesn’t take long before you run into cas and the winchesters

✶.◟ the encounter isn’t necessarily pleasant, as heaven usually isn’t working in tandem with the brothers

✶.◟ but it’s not to unpleasant either; the shorter seems sort of rude to you, you don’t have the best impression of castiel based on heaven’s word, and the third isn’t thrilled to see you either

✶.◟ but you’re not unkind, just blunt and maybe a little awkward like all angels who are unused to the human way of speaking

✶.◟ so they don’t jump to judge or hurt you, or at least, sam doesn’t

✶.◟ he gets dean to back down and listen to you when the elder gets upset about something you say regarding heaven

✶.◟ it’s stange to you, these humans that know of heaven and angels but don’t seem to care for them much

✶.◟ you thought humans found comfort in the thought of you, but these ones don’t seem to like the real thing and that intrigues you

✶.◟ in fact, now that you’re here on earth, everything intrigues you

✶.◟ kindness and lying and holding hands and eating and falling asleep

✶.◟ stray cats and crispy leaves on the ground that make a nice sound against the concrete when it’s windy

✶.◟ then next time you meet cas and the boys, you ask these questions that make them think you might not be so bad, that they might be able to get through to you

✶.◟ you only ask them because your superior angels won’t answer, and you can’t really ask regular humans

✶.◟ it’s sweet, the way you interrupt the tense conversation, seeking permission to ask them a few questions about humans

✶.◟ sam sees your earnesty and says of course

✶.◟ why don’t humans like rain? we don’t have it in heaven, and i find it so pleasant to experience.

✶.◟ and, how does one procure a pet cat? i want one.

✶.◟ and also, why don’t you like angels? the others won’t answer any of my questions.

✶.◟ they answer the last question first, and your concern grows

✶.◟ you understand prioritizing the orders one receives from heaven, but despite lacking a natural empathy as an angel, you don’t carry the disdain for humans that many angels too

✶.◟ and that makes you confused over the actions of angels that cas and the brothers describe to you

✶.◟ and it leaves you much more open minded, much more sympathetic; cas doesn’t seem nearly as bad as other angels describe him, he’s generally kind and passionate

✶.◟ the brothers don’t seem to bad to you either, especially sam

✶.◟ he’s nice to you and appeals to what cas says are your better senses, your kinder senses

✶.◟ to you, kind seems like a good thing, and the way that angels generally don’t care for individual humans seems opposing to your purpose as their protectors

✶.◟ so, as conflicted as you feel about it, you lend help to cas when he calls upon you

✶.◟ and one day, you lend a hand to sam. just sam

✶.◟ he prays to you, injured but trying to sound dignified still; cas won’t answer, and dean’s too far

✶.◟ he’s unsure that you’ll answer, but you do, and readily

✶.◟ he’s barely said your name, barely explained the situation before there’s a flutter of wings, then you

✶.◟ it doesn’t take much effort on your part to deal with whatever monsters he was fighting, then you kneel at his side and heal his wounds without a second thought

✶.◟ he thanks you, and you follow him to his motel, unaware that he didn’t really invite you

✶.◟ he certainly doesn’t tell you to go, though

✶.◟ it’s just that he never answered your questions about rain or cats, and honestly you have so many more

✶.◟ he stays up almost all night explaining everything he can to you, as best as he can, until he yawns and you remember that humans need sleep

✶.◟ so you turn off the lights and send him to bed before settling onto the couch and grabbing a spare book

✶.◟ “may i read this?” you ask while he’s brushing his teeth

✶.◟ “of course,” he says, taking a few moments to study your form, already intently studying the first page

✶.◟ “are you staying here?” he asks, voice muffled around the toothbrush

✶.◟ “yes. is that alright?”

✶.◟ he nods, “sure. you don’t have somewhere else to be, though?”

✶.◟ you think he sounds funny with a mouth full of toothpaste and spit

✶.◟ “not anymore,” you answer simply, “i think i’ll be like cas.”

✶.◟ sam smiles, unbeknownst to you because you’ve already resumed reading this book, it’s fiction, and fascinating to you

✶.◟ when sam wakes, you’re still on the couch, reading a new book, and the second you hear him stir you turn around in the couch, leaning over the cushions to watch him

✶.◟ “sam?” you ask with no regard to the fact that he’s barely just opened his eyes, then rattle off several questions about the content of the books you’ve been reading all night

✶.◟ the poor man barely catches any of it, stretching and groaning before trying to answer something in a slightly coherent way

✶.◟ but what he says to you doesn’t make much sense, nor does it really apply to any of the seven questions you’ve asked

✶.◟ you scrunch up your nose and suddenly sam thinks that you’re very cute

✶.◟ he tells you he’s too disoriented to answer, but that he’ll tell you what he thinks properly after getting up and having a cup of coffee

✶.◟ sam shows you your first coffee shop, which you’re decently delighted with, though the dirty chai latte he’s ordered for you tastes like nothing but molecules to you, as per usual

✶.◟ but he keeps his promise, telling you everything he can about the things in the books that confused you or made you curious

✶.◟ it’s all why would she lie to them or why do you humans… and sam finds himself explaining deeply some of the most complicated parts of the human condition to you

✶.◟ you find it all a bit strange, but a bit endearing too

✶.◟ you’re blunt and don’t intend to be mean when you tell sam that it seems like cas is closer to dean, but you like him better

✶.◟ sam blushes a little, though he feels like he shouldn’t be surprised by your honesty

✶.◟ you become closer to all three of them in time, and grow to understand the nuances of humans better

✶.◟ you’re not quite as awkward, but sam thinks you still talk a little funny, and is quite endeared with it

✶.◟ he spends time explaining lots to you, sharing all of his knowledge of humans things, and listening intently when you share about your abundant knowledge of the divine and supernatural

✶.◟ it doesn’t take long at all to find that he really could talk to you all day and night

✶.◟ and though he’s careful with his heart, it doesn’t take long to fall for you either

✶.◟ you’ve quickly turned into a very genuine and empathetic angel, and sam admires you for it greatly

✶.◟ you still struggle with some things and some aspects of empathy, but to him you really do feel good

✶.◟ you feel like what an angel should be, at least in this messed up world

✶.◟ and he’s hesitant; you’ll live practically forever unless you get killed, and it certainly scares him that you can be killed, he scared of anyone he loves dying… he’s scared that everyone he loves will die because of it

✶.◟ and you don’t know too well about love, but you figure out that you have it

✶.◟ for many things, like rain and cats and books and sam

✶.◟ sam likes to indulge the things that you love

✶.◟ he shares his favorite books with you and shows you how to use the internet

✶.◟ one day he wakes to you on his computer, a wide smile on your face and soft cooing escaping your lips

✶.◟ when you sense his presence, you look up at him from your seat with the widest, most excited eyes and he nearly melts into the floor

✶.◟ “did you know that you can look at endless pictures of cats on this computer?” you ask him

✶.◟ he says yes, and that you can look at them on any computer, and that you can watch videos too

✶.◟ he almost regrets telling you that, because now you’re constantly approaching him with cat videos you found in your free time

✶.◟ but he’d never regret doing something that makes you smile so often, so he doesn’t complain

✶.◟ instead, he researches about cats and all the other earthly things that interest you in his free time so he can tell you random facts about them

✶.◟ and for a being who’s been alive for so long and knows so much, you find it beautiful that there’s so much more to learn on earth

✶.◟ and sam loves your thirst for knowledge, he loves being the person you always ask about things first

✶.◟ he feels proud to tell you the things he does know, and grateful that you also ask questions that make him really think or that he doesn’t know the answer to yet

✶.◟ you’ve also taken to stealing his phone to take pictures

✶.◟ you have an incredible memory, but the internet has made you keen on images

✶.◟ it of course started when you saw a stray cat and wished aloud to him that you could take a picture like the ones you look at on his computer

✶.◟ and he gladly informs you that you can, showing you how to use his camera

✶.◟ his camera roll ends up filled with every little thing one could think of; so many cats and clouds and sunsets and buildings and people you see on the street, plants and trees and bugs, and apparently, him

✶.◟ you keep taking pictures of him, and it makes him shy

✶.◟ he asks why and you tell him it’s because you take pictures of all the things you like, all the things you think are pretty

✶.◟ sure, there’s photos of dean and cas sprinkled in, but you must like sam a lot and find him very pretty to have taken so many pictures of him

✶.◟ he blushes and says you should take pictures of yourself too

✶.◟ you wonder if he’s implying that he thinks you’re pretty, but you’re not really sure; the sentiment ends up flying over your head like many of his attempts at flirting, but he always finds it as endearing as it is frustrating, so he can’t complain much

✶.◟ you do take photos of yourself like he’s suggested, only for that reason, though you’re not really sure how and most of them look awkward or generally unsuccessful in actually capturing your whole face with the camera

✶.◟ sam doesn’t show you how to use the front camera for a long while because he likes the silly photos of you

✶.◟ eventually, you find it yourself, and sam’s relieved that you still look awkward in your selfies

✶.◟ most likely, you end up taking up all of his storage, but he doesn’t have the heart to delete anything, so he downloads them onto his computer and saves them there (he’s self indulgent and keeps much more of the pictures of you than he really needs)

✶.◟ then he buys you a simple camera of your own, and ends up missing all the times you ask to borrow his phone to take a picture of the clouds in the sky

✶.◟ that always made him stop and look more, see the world and its beauty through your eyes

✶.◟ so instead, he looks for things you might like when you’re apart and takes pictures to show you when he sees you next

✶.◟ there’s also probably a time where you accidentally took his phone with you somewhere, and he has to pray to you to get it back

✶.◟ sam also likes to pray to you, though

✶.◟ it’s infinitely comforting that he can talk to you wherever you are and know that you’ll hear him

✶.◟ and he tends to miss you a lot, so he likes to at least have one way to feel close to you, even if you can’t always visit him right then or even reply at all 

✶.◟ but of all the things that sam teaches you, of all the things that he’s the first one to show you, it’s the love that his most favorite

✶.◟ one day you ask about hand holding; you’ve seen lots of humans do it, and you’re curious

✶.◟ why do you do it? is it nice? you understand that it’s an expression of affection, but you want to know more

✶.◟ can i hold your hand?

✶.◟ when he says yes, and looks into your eyes while he takes your hand into his, you very easily understand that yes, it’s nice. it’s lovely. it’s perfect. and you’d like to do it with sam all of the time

✶.◟ much more comes after that; you want to feel all of the ways that people express affection; hugs and sweet words and kisses and heads on shoulders. playing with hair and saying i love you

✶.◟ sam shows it all to you

[meanbossart]

Do you have any advice for people looking to learn how to do color like you? I've been drawing for nearly 13 years but I've never been good with color and feel like my pieces always look rather over blended or that I can't pick good color pallettes.

Just to preface: coloring was fairly new to me just up until recently. I've always done color here and there but it was never my favorite (I very much felt like I had the same problem you're describing) and for a long time my style was largely based around grayscale because of it. When I started doing BG3 art it kind of felt like a necessity to learn, though, since its such a colorful game. So, take my advice with a grain of salt!

My biggest struggle with color was that the style I wanted to do never seemed to match my lineart. I eventually realized that was because my style itself wasn't done with color in mind at all - like I mentioned above, I mostly did grayscale and let the linework carry the art entirely. This also skewed the way I distributed my efforts; I would get really exact and over-detail things with the lineart like I was used to doing, and then felt like I also had to overdo the coloring as well, because the slightly "rougher" rendering I was striving for didn't seem to match the style.

The solution I arrived at was changing the way I approach lineart entirely, purposefully making it sketchier and less "exact", not letting myself be boggled down with details. In this way, I feel like I have far more freedom in how I apply colors and approach the rendering. It has also been extremely beneficial to learn how to push simplification (both in regards to lines AND color) as far as I can before the art stops looking good to me, and that has allowed me to backtrack into more detail again while feeling far more in control of their application. The more you breach out and experiment, the more ways you will have to approach your work when you feel as if you've hit a wall.

Obviously, I don't know if any of this applies to you 😅 but it's info that's been super valuable for me to realize.

Something else that might help is hunting down for tools that don't let you be precise - staying away from sharp liners and brushes and picking stuff that looks more graphical.

Also, not letting yourself zoom into your work too much so you're forced to achieve the shapes you're trying to achieve with rougher strokes and lines, and hence avoiding overworking small details that will ultimately get lost in the final picture anyway.

And assuming you have a good grasp on the basics - put a cap on your rendering time. Try drawing as fast as possible so you're forced to look for alternative solutions for making stuff look good without spending days on it. (I do NOT suggest doing this regularly if you're just starting off learning things like anatomy and perspective though; take your time!)

As for color palettes - I feel like I have a horrible eye for color LOL so I can't offer much wisdom there. I will often be adjusting hues and depth well into the finalization of the piece and ultimately just throw my hands up and say GOOD ENOUGH before sending it off. Taking breaks from looking at the screen so you can take it in with slightly fresher eyes tends to help me, though.

[lovely-keii]

being their sibling

characters: kageyama tobio, miya twins, iwaizumi hajime, hitoka yachi, ushijima wakatoshi

a/n: comeback?! 🫣

KAGEYAMA TOBIO

he thinks everything you do is normal, it skews his perspective of the real world. you’re a great painter? suddenly he’s asking his seatmate why her drawings look like that. you sing well? he tells some kid with an average voice that he can’t sing. you’re rich? suddenly he’s calling someone’s car cheap.

obedient, whether or not you’re younger than him. “get me a glass of water, tobio” “ok.” // “my feet hurt, tobio.” “put them on my lap, ill massage your feet.” honestly, really reasonable and kind

he’s so loud when he gets annoyed though. stubs his toe on the coffee table and the next day, you receive a noise complaint. swears a lot too. god forbid he loses one of his volleyball equipment. he’s going to absolutely flip the house upside down.

kageyama is so transparent with you, literally almost no boundaries. he’ll literally go into your room and is confused why you tell him to get out. “why? is there something you need to hide?” somehow knows your password always “why can’t i use your phone? you can use mine.” bro has nothing to hide, hes too comfortable around you

just dont mess with his volleyball things and you’re all good.

MIYA TWINS

you three are so loud all the goddamn time, your neighbors hate you guys. the two might baby you or look up to you, but you’re never exempted from their mischief. but at least you have your very own bodyguard and sidekicks.

you own literally nothing. things will go missing from your room, and appear in atsumu’s desk. one time, you see your hand cream in atsumu’s hand, and he’s using it to massage his foot after volleyball practice. “what are you doing?!” “i ran out of foot cream. plus, what’s the difference between feet and hand skin anyways? oh hey, it smells nice.”

you can’t store your food just anywhere too, you have to hide it in the most creative spots just to make sure osamu doesn’t get his hands on it. always makes excuses too. “this is OUR house so this is also OUR food” “sharing is caring, and i’m your brother.”

when osamu and atsumu fight, you either get dragged in or you have to start haggling to get between them. you three will fight about literally anything. mainly because you three love to intentionally annoy each other “get out of my room!” “my feet are outside so it doesn’t count.” BAM BOOSH POW!! knuckle sandwich for everyone!

and you three love to pretend to be characters in the show. powerpuff girls? osamu is bubbles, you and atsumu fight over who’s blossom. alvin and the chipmunks? osamu is theodore, atsumu is alvin, and you’re simon. god forbid spongebob comes on, because atsumu insists he’s pearl.

IWAIZUMI HAJIME

he’s a great brother, in all senses of the word. you leave something at home and he’ll bring it for you. you get into an accident and he’s the first to show up. you lose something and he’ll find it for you.

you see oikawa so often he might as well be your brother too. when you’re talking to people, the two are so irritating lol. oikawa’s teasing you and giggling about it, and iwaizumi is giving you “the talk” which he’s given you dozens of times.

he likes to scold you, but he’s only really looking out for you. he doesn’t like to encourage you when you cause trouble, but a single text from you, and he’s already grumbling and on his way to open the window for you to sneak in.

if you like any of his teammates and he finds out, you’ll get an earful. “there are so many guys in the world and you like him?! you can do better but you’re settling on so little!” and if it’s oikawa, he’s literally gagging and telling oikawa he isn’t allowed to come over anymore.

but also, he’s paying for your deliveries, opening the car door for you, and making you walk in the inner side of the sidewalk, so you win anyways.

HITOKA YACHI

she makes you talk to your mom and ask permission for her, because she’s too scared to do it herself. feels bad and gives you some cash or snacks to make it up to you if you get scolded in her place.

brings you to volleyball practice with her, and if you’re classmates or in karasuno too, she makes you sign up as manager with her too. you two are almost inseparable, mainly because yachi doesn’t want to do things with strangers, and wants to be with someone she knows.

loves to go out and hang with you. she’s not really a shopping kind of girl, but you two will literally get lost when you get to stationery. you two will frequent cute cafes too. you go under the guise of studying but get distracted by everything.

in the nights, she’ll do your hair and skin routine, and you’ll do hers. you two have a shared playlist and everything, and the both of you will just talk about everything under the sun.

surprisingly has a large appetite around you. she’ll ogle your sweets. “um…are you going to eat that? just asking…”

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI

sibling or not, he’s really quiet. doesn’t like small talk or messing around since he doesn’t see the point in it. also can be super blunt with you so he hurts your feelings sometimes, but he’s always quick to apologize once he realizes you were upset by it. “you might have gotten a higher score if you didn’t waste time on your phone last night.” “toshi…” “sorry, i mean it as advice.”

has really good insight into things, so you often go to him for advice. he’s straightforward and likes to cut to the chase, so he’s rarely in between decisions. on the other hand, he can occasionally misunderstand your intentions and feelings and doesn’t understand why some things bother you.

he’ll call you to the backyard to toss to him every so often. you’ve spent a majority of your childhood passing ushijima volleyballs for him to hit and receive, and waiting for him to finish watching a game so you can watch your cartoons.

he always has tickets for you to watch his games. if he hears your cheers, he’ll give you a determined smile. he’ll find you after a game and ask you how it was and if you had fun. has you ride in the team bus to and from games and no one really pays too much mind. (except for tendou who’ll pester you)

on his way back home after a long practice, he’ll stop by your favorite restaurant and get some take out for you.

[gothicchildofthenight]

Dead-Bird

FEM DNI‼️ (She/her, She/they, etc.) - you’ll be blocked.

request: “hihi ! can you write rodrick x ftm reader thats just like , treated as one of the guys in rodricks friend group and has a sense of belonging , then heather outs the reader or something n rodrick stands up for them (???) im not sure where im going with this request u can interpret it however u want”

summary: moving to plainview for a fresh start while you’re transitioning. you meet rodrick heffley, resident emo, and become inseparable. what happens when heather hills gets jealous thats he’s turned all his attention on you?

descriptions: ftm!reader, intended for a black reader but can be read by any race, rodrick might be ooc (??), i made heather really mean (and homophobic 😭) but in reality i have no hate to her HER ACTRESS IS GORGINA, slur drop (f word), maybe the reader a girly kid sorry if that upsets anyone, cursing, throwing up (only happens once and i don’t think it’s detailed), let me know if i missed anything!!

a/n: yall, i know i said friday, but circumstances change (especially when baby siblings are sick asf) so i’m sorry. you’re allowed to yell at me in the comments!! BUT ITS FINALLY HERE‼️ pls let me know if you like it, and if you think i should change anything. i can always improve!!

word count: 8.29k (i got carried away 😭)

———————————————————————————-

For as long as you can remember, you knew you didn’t feel right with who you were. You wore the dresses, the skirts, joined the girls line when you were split off and you were ok with it, but it never felt right. You wanted to get your hands dirty, skin your knee, and you could do all of that with the girls, but you wanted to do it with the boys.

Your parents seemed to acknowledge this and your family just labeled you a tomboy. It wasn’t until your last year of middle school that you realized who you were, what you were. You were a boy, you were trans.

After going back and forth with yourself, you go to your parents with tears streaming down your face. With the way you and your parents were raised, it didn’t seem like they were going to be accepting.

“Are you done blubbering?” Your mom had asked you, which made you cry even more because you didn’t know if that could be good or bad. “We knew this could be a possibility with you just wanting to be with little boys.”

“Just because your grandparents have a skewed perspective on gender doesn’t mean we do.” Your dad joined in with a hand on your shoulder.

And with that started your transition journey. First with therapy, then doctor visits, and finally testosterone. When you started taking testosterone (end of sophomore year), you and your parents moved to give you a fresh start. With their careers, they could work anywhere as long as they could travel.

Plainview was just that, plain, but it got the job done so you can lay low. You couldn’t even point it out on a map, but it seemed like a great place to get a fresh start. Family homes, mom and pop shops, and maybe 6 schools around. No one knows you, seeing as you moved almost cross-country, so perfect.

Your first day wasn’t anything like you imagined. You thought you would be clocked immediately, especially since in the rush to move and get enrolled in school you had forgotten to get your haircut. You lucked out though, because the only reason someone (besides a teacher) came to talk to you was because of your Pearl Jam shirt.

That was the day you met Rodrick Heffley, resident “bad boy” with a band that wasn’t shit (you could say that seeing as you were in it) and a taste for rock and metal. That’s who came to talk about your shirt.

“You listen to Pearl Jam?” He asked, and you were immediately on the defense.

You knew you didn’t exactly look the part of emo metalhead, you had heard it your whole life growing up. “Listen to your normal music,” was a common one, and you won’t lie, it hurt. Especially from the popular white kids because it was just another tally mark against you.

“Yes? What about it?” You snapped.

“Woah, didn’t know I touched a nerve,” his face had reddened a little, but besides that it didn't change. “I was just gonna ask your favorite song.”

“Whatever,” you rolled your eyes. “I like Why Go from the Ten album.”

“Cool, cool, that’s a good one.” And then you both just stood there staring at each other. “Do you want to come over to my house after school?”

“I don’t even know you, kid,” you chuckled, “what are you, a kindergartener?”

“Well excuse me for trying to be nice.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m Rodrick.”

He held out his hand, which you hesitantly shook. “I’m (Y/N).”

“So are you coming over or what?”

And just like that he became one of the most important people in your life– along with his best friends; Drew, Ward, Chris, and Ben. Present day, you are never without Rodrick, and he, you. It doesn’t take a lot to convince the other to do something you probably shouldn’t, which leads to you guys getting in trouble a lot.

Like how one time towards the end of junior year in the middle of the night, Rodrick and you snuck out for a carnival almost 2 hours away. You had been relaxing at home, reading, when you heard little tinks coming from your window. You knew it was Rodrick throwing rocks at your window. He always did that when he’d sneak out of his house to come to yours.

“What the hell do you want?” You jokingly whisper-yelled as you opened your window.

“Come to a fair with me!” He whispered back.

“Last time I checked, the summer fair didn’t come until after school ended?”

“Because it’s not the one in Plainview, it’s the one in Huntington! Just come on!” He groans.

“First of all, I’m in pajamas!” You motioned up and down yourself. “Second of all, that’s almost two hours away!”

“So what, you’ve snuck out with me before! What makes this time any different? Come on, (Y/N), live a little!”

“Fuck it, fine!” and you closed your window to change. Your parents were long gone asleep, so you doubt they’d check on you, meaning you were in the clear.

You settled on baggy pants and a short sleeve, which is what you almost always wear, before you jumped out your window (you were on the second floor, yea, but your house wasn’t that big so it wasn’t a huge jump). Rodrick was waiting in his van, so you climbed into the passenger seat and set off.

You took a mini nap on the way, but after you woke up, you guys didn't shut up. From school to new albums, you talked about it all. You guys always were like this, (still were) even though at this point you’d only known each other a couple months. It scared you a little, how close you two had gotten in such a little period of time, mainly because you don’t want him to drop you because of who you were before.

“We’re here!” He pulled into a parking spot. You both climbed out of the van and met in front of it. “You brought your wallet, right?”

“Hanging with you? Of course not.” You deadpanned, before pulling out your wallet with a smile. “Why would I go to a fair without my wallet?”

He just rolled his eyes, slung his arm around your neck and walked to the ticket booth. Once in the fair, you guys set a plan to leave around 2:00 so you can get back in time for school.

You run around together, ride to ride, concession stand every chance you can get, and then barfing into a trash can. “I will never sneak out with you again.”

“Sure, ok,” Rodrick scoffed. “Come on, I want to ride the ferris wheel before going home!”

“Sure,” you rolled your eyes as you wiped your mouth, “just let me finish tossing my organs into this dumpster.”

“Let's go, smart ass.”

Surprisingly, there wasn’t a long line for the wheel. You’re on it in 5 minutes, and at the top in another 5.

“Told you it was worth it.” Rodrick teased as you looked out to the neon fair lights.

“Yea, yea, whatever,” you mumbled, too busy looking out at the eye widening view.

There’s a moment of silence. “Y’know, I’m glad we met each other.”

“Ew, don’t get all sentimental on me. Especially on a ferris wheel, that's just cringey.” You joke.

“I’m being serious!” He sighs. “Like I love the band, but I think me and you got closer in the span of a few months than me and them since middle school. It’s crazy.”

“Yea, sure, ok, dude,” you look back out to the lights. You couldn’t look him in the eyes because you had this warm feeling in your gut that you couldn’t place.

Rodrick doesn’t allow you to, though, as he grabs your face in one hand to make you look at him. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I want you to say it,” he stares into your eyes, seeming to search for something.

“Say what, jackass?” You feel your face catch on fire in the dark of the night.

“That I’m your best friend.” He looks so serious, and his eyes never leave yours.

“You’re my best friend,” you roll your eyes with a grin, “can you let me go now?”

“We’ll work on it.” He pats the side of your face and then faces the lights outside the wheel.

When you're both off the ferris wheel, you’re headed back home. The car ride home was silent, you in your own head and Rodrick seemed tired. You offered for him to stay over and sleep until school starts, but he declines, knowing his parents will wake him up in the morning.

You pull up to your house but just sit there for a second. “It was a bunch of fun, as always. Til we sneak out again.”

“See ya,” he smiles and lightly punches your shoulder.

“See ya, dude,” and you head to your house.

When you see him pull off, you lightly close your front door. As you turn around, your soul leaves your body.

“I don’t even want to know,” your mom holds her hand up to silence you. “Phone, now.”

You sigh, but do it.

It seemed that’s what happened with Rodrick, too, so for the rest of the school year you and Rodrick could only contact each other at school. He still snuck over, that wasn't going to stop.

You don’t regret leaving with him that night, because you had never had someone willingly be that close to you.

—

Currently, you’re all huddled up in the hot attic that is his room, but it was the only place without younger kids so you don’t complain much.

“Dude, I thought this year was gonna be it!” Rodrick complains as he lays upside down on his bed.

“Oh, it’s gonna be it, alright,” Ben rolls his eyes and throws a paper ball in Rodricks direction. “It’s going to be the year I finally strangle you if you mention Heather Hills one more time.” We all chuckle at how true it was.

Right now, he wouldn’t shut the fuck up about Heather Hills. Even though you had come in the middle of junior year, it was quick knowledge that he had a crush on her since middle school. At first it was cute, but after some unforeseen circumstances, you actually hated hearing her name. It wasn’t like you had a crush on him (It was), but the fact that she didn’t give him the time of day, and even when she did it was just to make fun of him or to have him do something.

“I second that, it’s fucking annoying,” you push him off the bed, seeing as you were on it right next to him.

“Ow, you dick!” he sits up and rubs his head.

“We’re, like, four months from graduating, if she wanted you, she would’ve said it.”

“Yea but-” Ward cuts him off.

“But nothing, bro, she don’t want your ass.”

It’s what you’ve been telling him this whole time, but you didn’t want to be too pressed about it because you didn’t want him to think you like her. You didn’t like her, you liked the one who liked her. You hadn’t realized it until you saw Heather sweetening him up one time and it hurt to watch– and not in a disgusted way.

You had no idea about your sexuality, you knew you liked boys even before you transitioned, but as you became more comfortable with yourself girls weren’t so bad either. You had been on a few dates with mostly girls (there weren’t many out guys in a small town, who knew?), but no one was Rodrick.

“I mean, I know, subconsciously,” he points to his head, “but she has this way of being in your head, no matter how mean she is.”

“Blah blah blah, bruh we don’t caaaarreee!” You roll your eyes and fall back on his bed. “She’s probably going to, like, Harvard or some shit and gonna marry rich. She doesn’t have time for loser guys like ourselves unless we can do something for her. It’s been that way since middle school, and it’ll be that way til the end of time”

“Major harsh, dude,” Drew pipes up.

“Whatever,” You get up and grab your backpack. “I’m going home, see you bozos tomorrow.”

You know why it bothers you so much, but you didn’t think you went that far. Hell, even Ward said something, but you were the one who was being “major harsh”? You roll your eyes as you stomp off to your house.

“Major harsh, my ass,” you murmur to yourself.

—

Tomorrow comes faster than you’d like. It wasn’t like you blew up on the guys, but you were pissed that you had been shut down. You kind of wanted to avoid them and go straight to class, but when you exit your house you see Rodricks van. The ride to school was pretty quiet except for the “good morning,” you all exchanged amongst yourselves.

“You were right,” Rodrick nudges you. When you give him a confused look, he goes on, “Heather is never gonna want me, and I’m taking myself off the market for other babes.”

“Oh, all those poor girls, saved,” you chuckle. Now you kind of feel bad, “but seriously, my bad if I went too far with what I was saying. I don’t have an excuse for what I said, but I am sorry.”

“Nah, I needed that good kick in the ass so I could wake up. Thanks, bro.” He playfully punches your shoulder.

“No problem, bro.”

As we pull up to school, you see Heather and her friends around their red convertible bug. You didn’t know whose it was, it was passed around more than a blunt in your group. Every morning they were there, and every morning Rodrick went to talk to them, talk to her, like clockwork.

“So are we skipping today, boys?” Rodrick suggests.

In a unison of ‘Hell Yea’s, you were the voice of reason. “Fuck no.”

They all groan, as they usually do when you’re right. We’re walking away from the van as you explain, “Y’all don’t have enough brain cells or credits to afford to skip. If yall want to blow this place, ya gotta graduate. You don’t even have to have honors.”

“Whatever, nerd,” Rodrick shoves you with a chuckle. “You can be a suck up and stay all day, but we’re outta here.”

“You can suck up on my balls, jackass,” you laugh and shove him back.

“You’d love that, wouldn’t you?” he shoves back.

“You’d love that!” but you don’t push him, you look in front of you.

You expected to see the red car, but you saw the stairs. You had passed the car?

You look behind you, and you still see the group talking about someone cheating on someone’s boyfriend, but you notice Heather Hills looking at you.

This wasn’t the first time Rodrick had ignored Heather for you, but that was at lunch. He always talked to her in the morning. You don’t know why, but you knew that this was her last straw.

When you had first moved here, you weren’t on her radar until you had talked to him. She was just standing off to the side and you didn’t realize it then, but he was just talking to her and stopped to talk to you. You could feel her glare, but when you looked at her she gave you a sugary sweet smile. That wasn’t the last time you would see that fake smile, but after this morning you knew it would be.

—

“I don’t know what you told him, but you need to untell him.”

The voice wasn’t unfamiliar to you, but you weren’t used to it being directed at you.

“Hi, Heather, how are you on this beautiful day?” You smile at her, though it was probably closer to a grimace.

“Cut the shit, you heard me.” She growls as you put your stuff in your locker.

“Why does it have to be me saying anything to him? Maybe he actually grew some balls and a brain.”

“You’re like a lost puppy around him, of course you said something.”

“Well, Heather,” you huff as you drop your bag and face her, “he used to follow you around like a lost puppy and I got sick of it because you were using him. I don’t know why it bothered me so much, but it did, so I told him that.”

“I know why,” she leans closer to your face with a whisper. “It’s because you’re a gay little bitch who hopes he looks in your direction but he wouldn’t even spit near you. I see how you look at him, but just remember he looks at me like that.”

“Ok,” you roll your eyes. “Why do you care so much? You admitted several times that you don’t like him.”

“He needs to like me, not the other way around. It gives other guys the idea that they can be with me and I can get gifts out of it. So if you don’t fix this, I can get so much dirt on you it’d make your head spin.”

“I think the bleach fumes are finally getting to your brain,” you scoff, trying not to seem nervous. You didn’t think that she could get to your secret, but that bitch has power in high places. But you had come so far without being outed, so you didn’t think it’d happen this close to your escape. “I don’t know what to tell you. I’m not gonna do that because you’re a bitch who doesn’t deserve any attention.”

She slams your locker in your face, “You’ll regret that.” And as she walks away you roll your eyes and mumble a “bitch”.

She doesn’t even want him, but I can’t have him? Whatever, bitch.

—

You decided to keep your little interaction from Rodrick and the gang because you knew it’d open up a) what she could find on you and b) did Heather actually like Rodrick and she’s lying? You just let them lead the conversation as you try to rationalize with yourself.

How would she find out your trans? You’ve been stealth for a year and your school medical records are locked up tight. She can’t out anything but you being gay and even that was a little chest tightening. At least you’ll still be a man, even if it was a gay one. Being outed as trans could shatter people’s perception of you and you’ll be that weird “girl” again.

“What are you thinking so hard about?” Rodrick asks you and you realize you’re the only two in the van now.

“Nothing, just exhausted. I need to be asleep right now,” you pretend to rub your eyes.

“Whatever you say, dude,” he sighs, but puts his hand on your shoulder and looks you in the eyes. “I’m here whenever you wanna talk, you seem to have a lot on your mind.”

It makes you freeze. It’s not like he isn’t always like this, he’s your best friend, but it doesn’t help after your conversation with Heather. He does this with every guy in the group, he may put on a front of being a dick to his brother, Greg, but he really cares for his friends. You have to convince yourself that this was just that, nothing more.

“Eyes on the road, weirdo,” you shrug his arm off with a nervous laugh. “I told you I was fine, I’m just tired.”

“Ok, dude,” he rolls his eyes.

Before you know it, he drops the rest of the guys off at their houses. You’re usually the last one to get dropped off since more often than not you’re the first one to be picked up. But when Rodrick passes your house, you have more than a few questions.

“Where the hell are you taking me?” You sigh.

“Obviously you won’t tell me what’s actually wrong, so we’re going to hang out til that frown turns upside down!” He smiles as he passes his house, too.

“How did I become friends with such a cornball? Aren’t you supposed to be the resident bad boy, go back to that.”

“You know you love me,” he smirks.

More than you know, that’s the reason I’m in this mess! You almost say, but stick with, “Sure, whatever you say.”

You know exactly what he’s going to do, you guys do it every time one of y’all are going through it. Head to the gas station to get slushies and snacks, then go out to your favorite clearing in the woods. He even does it with Greg sometimes, even though he likes to act like he hates his younger brothers.

“Isn’t the point of a slushy to mix all of the flavors together?” Rodrick rolls his eyes.

“We have this conversation every time we come here, I get two flavors that compliment each other! All of those flavors confuse your mouth and you lose taste buds.”

“You lie just like my mother, which means you lie like shit.” And for that you slap his shoulder. “OW!”

“Don’t talk about Susan like that!” You say, jokingly offended. You go to hit him again, but he grabs your hand.

“You’re a fucking nut case.”

“OMG!” You hear an all too familiar voice excitedly yelp. “I thought I heard your voice!”

“Oh, hey Heather.” Rodick turns to talk to her, forgetting to let go of your hand. “What are you doing in here?”

“My friends wanted to stop in here to get some junk.” She waves her hand behind her and rolls her eyes. “I obviously don’t eat stuff like that, I mean, look at me.” Rodrick doesn’t even glance down when she motions at herself.

“Good for you, me and (Y/N) are actually in here for some snacks, too.”

She finally looks at you, and then at you and Rodricks combined hands. You squirm under her stare and take your hand out of Rodricks. He looks at you in seeming confusion, but doesn’t say anything.

“I didn’t see you there, hey (Y/N)!” She has a smile on her face, but you can see in her eyes the amount of hatred she has for you.

“Hey, Heather…” You almost whisper, and then turn to seem busy with your slushy.

“Well, we should get out of here, bye Heather.”

“Oh, yeah, I think my friends went back to the car, so I should head out, too.” She turns to leave, but looks back over her shoulder and waves seductively. “Bye, Rodrick!”

When you hear the front door bell ring, you finally release the breath you had been holding in. “Holy shit,” you whisper to yourself.

“What was that?” Rodrick turns to you with a smile and points behind him. “She’s never willingly came up to me unless she needs something. And she just wanted…conversation?”

“Your guess is as good as mine,” You paint on a smirk even though your heart is racing. She had seen you with Rodrick, holding hands (completely his fault!), and he couldn’t be any less interested in her! You just know your fate is sealed.

“Well, let’s get this shit paid for and go.” He grabs up your food and you grab the slushies.

With everything paid for, you guys hop back into the van and head into the trail a few blocks down. It wasn’t anything official, but you hadn’t gotten in trouble for being out here, so yall just kept going.

You park the van and head into the back, opening the doors for some fresh air.

“So are you ready to tell me what’s up?” Rodrick asks after a few sips of his slushy abomination.

“I told you that I’m just exhausted.” You keep up your front.

“And I told you that you lie like my mom,” he sighs. “So you might as well just spill it.”

“It’s just something that me and my family have to deal with, you don’t have to worry about it!” You know if you bring your family into it, he’ll stop pushing it because he knows your parents don’t play.

“Ok, ok, I’ll let it go.” He raises his hand in defense.

You don’t respond, and you guys are submerged into silence once again. You exchange looks when you don’t think the other is looking, but besides that you take in the forest around you.

Heather could never experience these moments with Rodrick and understand how precious it is. Rodrick has always been the weird “bad boy” (people literally only say this because of his clothes and that makes you roll your eyes) who some of the girls wanted but if it got out they did like him, they’d be made fun of. You see how some of the girls look at him when he isn’t looking, and it hurts your heart. You know they have more of a chance than you ever would.

But with you, he was never like this. He was the goofy, caring friend who’d drop everything if you said the word. Heather only sees him as an object that gives her affection, but you see him as he truly is; a guy who loves and just wants it back. He just wants to be seen.

“Y’know you’re my best friend, right?” You blurt before you can think about it.

“Only took you a year to be genuine about it,” he nudges your shoulder.

“What?”

“The ferris wheel.” He states like you’re just supposed to know. And you do.

“You still remember that?” You gape.

“Anyway, yes I am your best friend, just like how you’re mine.” He grins at you, and then he drops it, “you’re not planning anything are you?”

“Oh my god, a guy can’t express his appreciation for his best friend?” You throw your hands up.

“I’m watching you,” he squints his eyes and points at you.

You get a text from your mom wondering where you are, and that’s the end of your little outing with Rodrick.

When he drops you home, Heather is the furthest thing from your mind, even though you know holding Rodricks hand (even though it wasn’t even purposely!) would be a slight against you.

—

Over the next two weeks, Heather's empty threat went to the back burner of your mind. If she wanted to out you, it would’ve happened by now. I’m safe, you sighed in relief.

Rodrick continued not to go up to her in the morning, but if she talked to him he definitely talked back. It seemed to calm her attitude toward you now, but it still was a hot seat around her. Like now, she’s passing around flyers for her party this weekend and intentionally passed by you.

“Rodrick, you’re definitely coming to my party this weekend, right?” She bats her eyelashes. “I need your band Soiled Diper to play!”

“It’s Löded Diper,” you correct and she glares at you, “and when have you ever wanted us to play anywhere near you?”

“Us?” She scoffs at you. “I just want the main band, not some wannabe.”

“Woah,” Rodrick stops her. “(Y/N) is an actual part of the band, so no him, no band.”

“Him? If that’s what you wanna say, sure.” And to the untrained ear it could just be her upset that he isn’t going along to exclude you, but you know what she means. As you perk up and look in her eyes, she’s already looking at you with a knowing smirk.

She knows. FUCK how does she know?

“I’m fine with not going, Rod,” you try to sway him. This cannot be fucking happening.

“No, it’s either all of us or none of us.”

Of course now he wants to be a fucking hero right now. He doesn’t get that this is social suicide FOR ME! Social homicide? Not important right now.

“Ok,” she has that sugary sweet fake smile. “Don’t come, then. Remember what I said.”

That last part was for you, you know it, and your blood runs cold. Fuck.

The rest of the day you’re on the edge of your seat, thinking what she might do. How the fuck did she even find out? You weren’t on social media much pre-transition, so barely any photos of you before exist. And like you said, your medical records were locked up tight.

Whatever, you try to convince yourself. She won’t do anything! She would’ve already.

You make it home with no one running around talking about your biggest secret, so your anxiety has allowed you to breathe again.

You decide to finally talk to your mom about this because who else will understand?

“You’re right to be afraid, but you’re also right about her doing it when she finally found something on you.” Your mom rubs your hair as you lay in her lap.

“It’s like I can’t get into her mind and I seriously want to. Like what is she planning?” Your thoughts literally won’t shut up. You haven’t had to worry about stuff like this for close to 2 years, and now its like your whole world is about to collapse

“For her sake, I hope nothing because I’m not above beating a little girl's ass!” And you know she’s being for real. Your mom doesn’t play around.

“Mom,” you roll your eyes.

“So, she thinks you like Rodrick…What’s up with that?”

“You know the answer if you’re asking,” you sigh.

“Do you want any advice on that? I say you should go for it.” Your mom shrugs.

“Absolutely not, because if this does come out I don’t want him weirded out by me being trans and gay.” You don’t even know if you are gay gay, but you know it’d make you that if you ask him out.

“I think you’re safe, but if something does blow, I’m in your corner.” She holds up her fist playfully to show it.

“Thank you, Mom.” You finally felt at peace with the whole thing. You trust your mom and feel like it will all blow over.

If only you knew.

The next morning, you walk with a pep in your step. You decide to walk to school, texting Rodrick you didn’t need a ride. It took a little longer to walk than drive, so you knew they’d beat you there.

When you finally showed up, people were staring at you, but it didn’t bother you much. People looked at you and the gang weirdly all the time, it just happened. It was when you finally made your way inside that all hell broke loose.

Random whispers were rampant through the hall, but when you walked by it would stop. Whatever, they were probably just talking about what you were wearing like always. You shrugged and went to find the guys.

You were right in front of them in the cafeteria and about to speak when that sugary voice stopped you, “Hey, [Redacted]!” It exclaimed.

You could’ve thrown up right then and there. You whip around to face Heather, “What the hell did you just call me?”

“Should I tell her or are you guys going to be good friends?”

“Guys, what is she talking about?” You turn to them and the look on their faces say it all.

They Know. Everyone knows.

Ben turns his phone around and you have to will yourself to not spill your breakfast out onto the concrete. It’s a screenshot from one of your parents' private Facebooks from two or three years ago with a title that stated your deadname.

The “girl” in the picture was going to homecoming, and it was obvious that it was you. Your face was softer, caked with makeup, and your hair was longer. The caption had your name and said that you were indeed going to homecoming.

“This picture was private, how the fuck?” You were whispering to yourself. You’re frozen in place, you can’t look anywhere but Ben’s phone.

“How could you hide this from your friends?” Heather fake gasps. “Pretending to be a boy? Going into the boys bathroom and locker room? What a freak!” and her whole group laughs. When you didn’t respond, she kept going, “Like, can you guys believe it? She’s pretending to be a boy to get close to you, and I even heard she had a little crush on one of you!”

That made you bark out a sob. Holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy-

“It’s crazy! Right, Rodrick?” and that snaps you out of it.

You glance at him, and he looks angry. Probably at you for lying to him. You darted away, looking for an exit because all you can think about is going home. You hear your name called after you, but you don’t care.

—

“What the hell are you doing home? Classes literally just started.” Your mom asks as she’s cuddled up with your dad. You don’t answer her, and just run up to your room, sobbing.

“Woah, woah woah, hey!” They get up to go after you.

When you get to your room, you don’t close your door knowing they’re after you. You shut your phone down and just throw yourself onto your bed, trying to stop your tears.

“Son, what’s wrong? What happened at school?” My dad knocks on the open door.

“Heather Hills,” you say through your pillow. Even if your dad didn’t get it, your mom did.

“She didn’t…”

“She did though, Mom!” You cry out, turning to face them. “She outed me to the whole school! She somehow found one of your Facebooks, got into it and found an old picture of me going to homecoming, and she shared it with the whole school!”

“Are you serious?” Your dad balls up his fist.

“Not only that, but she said that I was pretending to be a guy! Said I was doing it to get close to Rodrick, basically told him I liked him, and made me seem like this big ass weirdo!”

“We need to do something about this,” your mom says, and she sounds pissed. “This has to be some sort of harassment!”

“Your mother is right, we need to contact the school-”

“NO, please,” you start. “What’s done is done, I don’t want this bigger than it is!”

“(Y/N)!-”

“Mom, please listen to me!” You’re exasperated at this point. “Heather has the whole school behind her. Her parents are RICH, so if we try to do anything, it’ll just make everything worse!”

“I don’t give a fuck about her parents! She hurt my baby and she needs to be held accountable!”

“I don’t want to be in the middle of any more drama!” You groan. “I just want to figure this out quietly and on my own. I don’t want to talk to anyone about it and I just want to be left alone!”

“Ok, ok,” your dad sighs and puts a hand on your head. “If that’s what you want, we won’t push it,” he turns to your mom, “won’t we?”

“Yea, I guess,” she rolls her eyes, but gives a weak smile. “But at any point you need any help or she does anything else, we’re in your corner.”

“Thank you for understanding.”

“Get some rest, son,” your dad pats your shoulder. “You look like you need it.”

“I’ll try.”

But you knew you weren’t going to be able to sleep. You avoid your phone because you didn’t want to be contacted by anyone, but especially Rodrick. You didn’t want to know his disgust with you, didn’t want to know how much he thought that Heather was right.

Without the distraction of your phone, your room and the house was too quiet. You could hear your parents downstairs, trying not to be angry about your situation and watching television. Your mind keeps replaying you looking at Ben’s phone, ears ringing in anger and worry. You’re so horrified, afraid you’ve lost all of your friends. You were supposed to graduate without anyone finding out. What was the point of a fresh start if you were just gonna have to deal with all that you wanted to avoid at your old home?

You hear someone knock on your front door, and even being that far away from it you heard Rodricks voice. This time you can’t stop your stomach from lurching and you run to the bathroom.

As you flush the toilet, you hear the door close and footsteps up the stairs. That makes you pray on the bathroom floor to anything that could hear you to not make you talk to him yet.

“Hey, baby, you alright?” Your mom’s voice fills you with relief and seems to calm your stomach.

“No,” you say truthfully. You didn’t feel like lying right now, “I feel like everything is over for me.”

“You heard him, didn’t you?”

“Not what he said, but I heard his voice,” you admit.

“Then I think you should answer your phone.” And with that, she leads you back to your room, kisses your forehead, and goes back downstairs.

—

You don’t turn your phone back on until the next day. You still felt sick, and no matter how much you tried to eat you just couldn’t. You stayed home from school and your parents didn’t argue, but they still had to go out for work. Not a full trip, but they had to go to the next town over.

You had less messages than you thought you would, but it’s still crazy. Drew, Ward, Chris, Ben, and even Bill messaged you, but you didn’t care about all of them because one name caught your eye. Rodrick.

It was four messages; are you home??, answer me!, i’m coming over. were the first three, but the last message was a video.

It starts staring at the floor, and then it’s pointed to a group of people. You can make out you, the gang, and Heather behind you. You take off running, but the recording doesn’t stop there.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Rodrick stands up and gets in Heather's face.

“What?” she laughs in disbelief.

“You heard what I said!”

“Are you seriously defending her over me? I thought you liked me?!” You can hear the fakeness in her voice.

“That was before you decided to spread lies about my friend! He has done nothing to you!” the emphasis on the “he” makes your eyes widen. “You’re gonna stop talking shit about my best friend to my face! You’re such a fake bitch! I don’t know how I ever liked you…”

“Don’t tell me you’re seriously picking her over me? You must be more homo than her to like that wannabe boy.”

“Are you fucking serious?” The rest of the guys pipe up and start to surround Heather.

“He is a guy, and if you think anything other than it, you must be stupider than I thought,” Ben steps up.

“And so what if I like him? Just know I don’t like you, not anymore.” Rodrick is the angriest you’ve ever seen him, it’s kind of hot scary.

“Whatever, you’re all just losers. Lets go,” she turns and walks off with her crew.

That’s where the video ends.

You couldn’t stop rewatching it in amazement. He had stood up to Heather Hills for you without hesitation. Had said he liked you to Heather Hills. To basically the entire school, if this video has already gone around.

You debate whether or not you wanted to talk to him, but your need for your best friend wins over your need to hide. You slip on your shoes and head out.

You live a little over 5 minutes away from Rodrick even though he drives you guys everywhere. You know you could’ve told him to come over to your house, but it’s nice to finally get some fresh air. Plus, his mom was always nice to see when you went over his house.

When you get there, you see his van parked in the driveway near the garage. You have to hype yourself up to knock on the front door, but once you do it’s like a wave of nausea comes crashing over you.

I can’t do this, oh my god. What have I-

Before you can finish your thoughts, the door opens. You half expect it to be Rodrick, but it’s just Greg.

“Hey, kid.” You do a little wave as if you haven’t met him before. Whenever you come over, you tend to see Greg and Rowley, too. Most of the time they’re just in the living room, but they sometimes come up to the attic just to get chewed out by Rodrick, especially when it’s just you two up there.

“Hey, (Y/N),” he smiles, “where’ve you been?”

“Yknow.” You wring your hands. “Around.”

You can barely get words out. Does Greg know? Did Rodrick tell his family about what his best friend is?

“Rodrick should be upstairs in his room.” Greg moves out of the way so you can step into the house. “He’s been moping up there since yesterday, I don’t even think he’s left it today.”

“He didn’t go to school?” It’s not surprising, he’s always skipping, but you know it’s because of what went down yesterday.

“Nope,” Greg shakes his head. “Look, I don’t know what happened between you guys, because he only acts like this when he can’t see you, but I think you guys will work it out. It’s like me and Rowley, just less romantical.”

“W-what-” you sputter out. “I don’t-”

“Sure, whatever you want to tell yourself.” Greg cuts you off with an eye roll. “Like I said, he’s upstairs.”

“Thanks, kid.” Your face is on fire.

And with that, you mount the stairs to the attic. Is your crush on Rodrick really that obvious that even his family can see it? And with the way Greg was talking it seems to be reciprocated. You heard it come out of Rodrick’s own mouth, but what if he just said that so Heather could leave you alone?

You’re in front of his door before you can finish your thoughts. You knock, ready to get this over with.

“Mom, I told you I’ll be ok, just leave me alone!” You hear him call out.

“Not your mom, last time I checked.” You say, a soft smile grows on your face from hearing his voice.

You hear him leap up off of his bed and trip over something, but it doesn’t seem to phase him as he runs to open the door.

“(Y/N),” he breathes out.

“Hey,” you can barely look him in the face. “Can I come in?”

“Yea, yea, come in!” He pulls you through the door.

Once in his room, it’s like you’ve never set foot in it. You don’t know what to do, where to sit. It all feels new to you for some reason.

“Dude, just sit down somewhere.” Rodrick laughs at your newfound confusion.

You decide to sit on his bed, which you do every time you come over. You and Rodrick always sit on opposite ends of the bed so you can look at each other, which this time is no different.

You just sit there, staring at each other. You decide to break the ice. “It’s true, all of it. I don’t know how Heather got that picture, but I was a girl for most of my life up until now. Please, don’t hate me.”

“I’m not going to lie, it made me mad that I had to find out through Heather Hills,” he sighs, “but then again it’s none of my business. You were doing it to protect yourself, so I get it and I don’t have a right to be mad. I could never hate you over something like that though.”

You just sit there with your mouth open. You knew subconsciously that he couldn’t have hated you, but you had grown up hearing all the hatred people had for people like you. You had no choice to be on the defense when coming over here, no matter what you heard.

“I just-” You start. “I just, I know you’re my best friend, and I should’ve trusted you with this, but I couldn’t. I’ve never had anyone but my parents know. Their families don’t even know, that’s the whole reason we moved here.”

“Would you have ever told me?” He asks, kind of quiet.

“Maybe.” You shrug honestly. “I was too worried about trying to survive high school without a slip up to think that far ahead.”

“Oh,” is all he answers.

It’s another drowning silence. You’ve never had an awkward silence in your entire friendship, this is freaking you out.

“Did you watch the video I sent you?” Rodrick speaks up.

“Yea, it was the first thing I saw when I turned my phone back on.” Another beat of silence. “It was the only reason I came over here to talk to you.”

“Did you watch the whole thing?”

“Only a hundred times,” you smile evilly. “I love watching that barbie wannabe get put in her place.”

“Yea, that was great to do,” his voice lowers, “but that’s not what I was talking about.”

“I know.” You whisper and look him in the eyes.

You just sit there staring at each other, and then Rodrick looks down at your lips. It was so quick you could’ve missed it if you blinked, but you saw it. Just go for it.

“Are you going to kiss me, or just think about it?” You try to sound confident, but it ends up a quiet squeak.

His eyes widen, but he begins to inch over to you until you’re pressed up against each other. “Is this okay?” His whisper tickles your lips.

You just nod, eyes never leaving his. You don’t know who leans in first, but your lips are together in a flash. Your grip on his shirt is tight, as if when you let go it’ll all disappear. Your mouths almost move in unison, like you’re trying to devour the other. You can barely breath, feeling like this isn’t real. You dreamed about this moment for so long and now that it’s here it’s like you’re ascending.

You are the one who pulls away first, needing to breathe. Rodrick doesn’t seem like he wants to stop, kissing down your jaw to your neck. While you're breathing softly, you hear a knock at his door. That doesn’t stop Rodrick though.

“Rodrick,” you breath out as a warning.

“Hm,” he hums indifferently. Before you both know it, his door opens.

“Rodrick, you need to leave this- OH MY GOD!” His mother screams out.

“MOM!” Rodrick jumps away from you in fear and shock.

You’re all just stuck looking at both of them staring at each other before you break the silence.

“Hey, Ms. Susan…”

After that you are put through a lecture with his mom and dad. You guys can’t be upstairs alone without Greg being a buffer, door open at all times even with the other guys there. They, of course, texted your parents about what they found so that's gonna be fun to go home to. But you felt like none of that mattered because you got what you wanted. You didn’t lose your friends, and you even gained a boyfriend.

He offers to drive you home, which you take because you want to be close to him for a little longer. So you wave goodbye to his parents and get into the van.

You hold hands on the way to your house.

—

“We’re glad you decided to come back to school,” Rodrick squeezes your hand. “It’s been so boring.”

“First of all, I was gone one day,” you roll your eyes in fake annoyance. “And second of all, you literally didn’t even go yesterday!”

“But it’s always boring whenever I don’t get to see you, baby.” He wiggles his shoulders against yours.

All the guys groan in fake disgust. “Yall are so corny, break up already.” Ben gags.

“I didn’t even say anything!” You throw your hands up, taking one of Rodricks hands with you.

“Cringe by association.” And you roll your eyes in true annoyance.

“Are you sure you’re ready to go back?” Rodrick interrupts. “We could just go back to your house and hang out for the day.”

“I’m sure you’d love that,” you shove his arm, “but if I keep skipping, it’ll be like she won. Plus I’m not losing my straight A streak because of that bimbo.”

“Fine,” he huffs. “I can’t wait for the last day, school is so boring.”

“I thought without me it was boring?” You raise an eyebrow.

“You know what I mean.” He kisses your cheek.

“Yuck,” one of the guys laughs out behind your back.

“Shut the fuck up so we can get this day over with.” You flip them off.

You’re, of course, joking because you know you couldn’t have gone through this without them. After your talk with Rodrick, you all had a group hangout and talked through all of this. They let you know the whole time that they were 100% on your side. They were your boys and you were theirs.

Maybe the rest of the year won't be hell. You got the guy, smited the girl, and even if you were outed, you had all the friends you needed with you already. You were going to be fine.

[obsidian-pages777]

Pick a Card: What have your OPPs learnt so far by Messing with you? [Eve Themed]

Left to Right- Pile 1->Pile 3

Introduction

This is a simple reading for anyone who has been messed with for no valid effing reason. This is a darker theme for a tarot reading. Got inspired to post this because i watched Eve the K-drama. If you want to check this reading out, do so.

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Pile 1: Immediate Consequences

Immediately its the Tower. This means those who have opposed you faced a sudden and unexpected downfall. Their attempts to bring chaos into your life backfired, leading to disruption in their own lives. They learned that their actions had consequences that they were not prepared for. They might have tried to win at all costs by undermining you. The two of wands cards has showed up here. They might have succeeded momentarily but immediately, whether you know it or not, they found themselves isolated and are to this very day dealing with an aftermath of their own aggressive actions. The Devil card showed up because this is a dark themed reading. They have this obsession that they can not escape with causing harm. This has only lead them into unhealthy patterns of behavior. They are trapped in this loop of being unable to make decisions for themselves.

Anyways, guys, stay prayed up. Go deeper into your faith. If you do not have a specific faith of sorts try to find something to believe in. Guard your heart. Pray for hope and wellbeing. You deserve a good life, remember that. If you have been praying for good things to come in, remember that Because of your faith it will happen.

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Pile 2: Emotional Impact

The first card that has showed up is the Nine of Swords. So what happened to them after they messed with you? The emotional toll of their actions has weighed heavily on them. They learned that causing harm to others brings with it anxiety, guilt, and sleepless nights. Their conscience is now haunted by the realization of what they’ve done. The have had a major emotional upheaval since the temperance card has showed up reversed. They have to deal with their own beliefs and attitudes. Maybe they had an skewed perspective on you that they made it be known to you more times than necessary. However now that perspective has shifted. They have learnt the futility of all their actions. Now they feel a sense of disconnection overall. Stagnancy seems to be in their lives lately for the long run as the four of swords has shown up.

I don't think i have to give any specific encouraging messages to you guys about this situation since you have got it in you to succeed in life overall. Just remember that God will carry you when you have no strength left.

================================================================================================

Pile 3: Long-term Realizations

The Hanged Man has showed up. When it comes to the Opps of you guys's i see that they have faced a moment of reckoning. This card indicates that they’ve had to confront their own actions and accept responsibility for what they’ve done. They have a different look at your situation with them unlike before. They’ve learned that they cannot escape the consequences of their deeds, and this has led to a significant internal awakening. You might have seen or will see this person taking time off to withdraw often in the coming future as the Hermit card has showed up. This is because they have learnt that acting out of spite towards you was not the best form of action to take. The world card has shown up. In a reading like this the notion that it gives is the realization that you are stating to level up. They’ve come to understand that life is cyclical, and the energy they put out into the world eventually returns to them. They’ve learned about the inevitability of karma and the importance of aligning their actions with more positive intentions.

Just remember that god didn't bring you this far to leave you. You are going to make it, just, trust.

[bubblybloob]

There they all are in their feathery glory!

Explanations below

I didn’t want to do anything flashy for The Long Quiet, so I just gave him a simple scarf.

The Voice of The Hero I took a lot from my original design, I also kinda fused a cape with his wings? He can still fly? It’s just weird.

The Contrarian I gave a jester look, with a funky collar and some eye makeup

The Broken was one of the most interesting and fun. His wings have been cut off and his nails are broken beyond repair, as a representation of his lack of agency and readiness to hand his life over. He’s dressed in raggedy clothes with chains that he just can’t seem to pull off.

The Smitten wears a flashy, short cape, and flowers tend to bloom from his eyes and ears, he is blind and deaf to all but his love.

The Hunted is almost always puffed up, trying to look bigger and scarier than he is. His nails are long and sharp, and he wears camouflage to hide his bright white features.

The Paranoid needs a sense of security, and a cowl is the closest thing to a hoodie in medieval times. He’s so nervous that I feel he’d unconsciously pluck at his wings, they’re so disheveled that he can’t fly.

The Skeptic has this air of “I know more than you” to him? If that’s makes sense? So I gave him a poet shirt. Not much to it, I just really wanted to put him in a poet shirt. Oh and a ponytail.

The Cheated wears something a noble might, he has that sort of snarky attitude a noble might have. He also talks about cards and games a lot, so I attached a card theme to him. Sometimes they change card symbols, I don’t know if I’ll have it be mood based or not.

The Stubborn is wrapped up in a bunch of bandages, and the eyepatch and cleft ear is from that scene at the end with the Shifting Mound from the adversary’s perspective where your eye has been punched out and your ear looks like it might’ve been ripped.

The Opportunist I gave a thieving look, he has that attitude. As well as another ponytail, can’t have feathers getting in the way of the backstabbing move.

And that’s them! Now if you don’t mind me I’m going to go die now, my drawing arm hurts.

Edit: I forgot the Cold, damn

Someone suggested medieval assassin wear because he always insists on the princess being dead, and she usually is when he shows up. Also the wisps in his eyes? He has heavily impaired vision, because his worldview is so skewed.

[stinglesswasp]

Hi! First of all, I think your art is gorgeous and honestly whatever words I put here, they will never be able to do your art justice. I love your visual storytelling! Now for the actual ask part. How could one start learning how to draw? I have a STEM background and I have wrestled many times before with the idea of trying to pick up drawing and every time I see content creators, such as you, posting their works, it makes me even more motivated to get some scenarios out of my head and place them on paper. Right now I do it in writing but I would love to do something graphic about it too. Problem is, it can feel overwhelming to start as there are so many resources and stuff and it can feel like a daunting task. So, how did you start drawing?

Thank you so much and I hope you will always keep your passion for this craft alive and well. Be it CoD or anything else.

Hi, thank you for your kind words! I've been drawing since I was a wee baby wasp, but anyone can start at anytime. You're absolutely right that it can feel overwhelming, but I love that you're motivated! That's honestly half the battle. I can give some general advice:

Start small, like really small… I know it's tempting to immediately jump into drawing your favourite blorbos smooching (yes, this is the entire point of being an artist) but it's like exercise, you need to build muscle bit by bit before you can attempt any ambitious goals. Draw very basic shapes like circles, squares, triangles, followed by spheres, cylinders, prisms. Try to rotate/stretch/skew/slice them in your mind's eye and draw the result. Draw some simple objects around you. You'll find that all objects, including complex organic forms, can be broken down into basic shapes. Here's an example of the types of exercises you can try: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6F5q_5HC3o

There are beginner's tutorials on every aspect of drawing, I'd recommend spending a chunk of time in each area, learning fundamentals like perspective, proportions, and lighting. There are easy rules that you can follow that will make your art look 'correct' and not 'wonky' which might happen if you try to wing it without really understanding what you're doing. This video (though more advanced) has tons of useful advice and a fantastic guideline to follow: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6T_-DiAzYBc (in fact I think this is one of the best art 'tutorials' ever 🤯)

Be patient with yourself!! Your brain literally needs time to grow new neurons because you're learning a new skill. It can be frustrating to be unable to draw what you're imagining, but go easy and build up a strong foundation first. The more solid this is, the more satisfied you'll be when you finally tackle the stuff you actually want to make.

I hope this was helpful! Just practice a lot, have fun, and be proud of your progress 🧡 (also, sit with good posture, stay hydrated and take regular breaks <3)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for wanting a material thing rather than an experience for my college graduation gift, and being upset I still don't have it?

I skimmed through some other AITA posts to prepare me to write this one properly, and saw someone use the term "validation bait." I bring that up because I fear this post may read like that once all is said and done, but I genuinely am worried my perspective might be skewed. I encourage you to enter "Reddit Mode" if you decide to reply after your judgement with additional context and feel the need to be blunt.

Background context: I have an older sibling who graduated before me during the beginning of COVID. While his gift was delayed as a result, we as a family (three children one father) ended up going to Disney World, NASA, and Universal Orlando in 2021 to celebrate his accomplishment. It was a great trip, aside from the horrific humidity and the hurricane that just barely missed us. Later on, I asked my sibling if that was what he actually wanted to do, and he said our father proposed some ideas because he didn't really have any and Florida sounded like a good idea to him. My asking this will make sense later, but putting it here seems the most logical.

Additionally, it may be important to know that my father goes on a lot of trips. At least, more than anyone I've personally known. I'm not gonna try to calculate the exact number, but I will say in the span of less than a year (after the family Florida trip), he went to both Canada and Mexico for a week each, on top of additional excursions to Florida and Vegas-- almost all also including bringing his girlfriend. At the same time, he claimed assistance with college tuition was out of his budget, started having me pay rent on a part time job, and told my younger sibling fixing the AC in their car would cost too much as well. Even I know something doesn't add up here, but maybe I'm taking it too personally. End background context.

Fast forward to spring of 2023, and it's my turn to graduate college. Here's the thing: my brother was asked at least a year in advance to his graduation what he would like to do. I wasn't asked; I had to bring it up myself, and I waited until my graduation was only two months out. It was also over a phone call, because my father was out of town for at least the fifth time that year already. I dropped the hint that, for my graduation present, I would really like to get a nice gaming desktop. My father's response was, "... We'll see." Later on, he elaborated through text stating, "I took everybody to florida because i think graduations should be more about memories than what material thing you can get out of your dad."

Here's the thing: it's no secret to my dad that I'm a gamer, and I like video games. Additionally, it's no secret that a gaming desktop is something I have wanted for a decade. Even since middle school I've talked about gaming desktops and how much I wanted one. Even so, I happily played games like Saints Row III on a laptop that chugged along at 12 frames per second and took every crash in stride. I also thought that this kind of gift would be a relief to my dad, as my thought process was it would be far less expensive than taking an entire family somewhere out of the state for a week. Not only that, but there wasn't really anywhere I wanted to go. I don't have the desire to travel like he does; I don't mind taking my time off at home or locally, and relaxing with the things I have rather than spending a ton on a fancy dinner or hotel or concert.

So, naturally, I was confused, dismayed, and heartbroken. While I started crafting a text response explaining why a gaming desktop would not just be for personal use, but would also be advantageous for my career (my degree was in animation and I learned surface level coding for making video games), I also wondered why it was wrong for me to want a "material thing" even if it wasn't something necessarily "useful." Because while, yes, a gaming desktop would have the power I needed for more intensive animation projects, that wasn't really why I wanted one. But I figured explaining as such would help convince my dad why it was a good idea.

My dad ended up calling me before I could finish crafting my text, so I did my best to explain my standpoint, as well as pointing out how the specs for a gaming desktop are pretty much parallel with the specs for a desktop for things like 3D rendering and animation. He stood his ground on "making memories" as well, and also hinted that I was acting entitled for asking about my graduation present. I think I pointed out to him how he asked my older brother far in advance what he wanted for his graduation, but those details of the conversation are a little faded with time. I did end up sending my text after that phone call anyway, as I felt it better explained what I was thinking and feeling than I could say in verbal conversation (I've always gotten a little flustered talking to my dad about things I want that he doesn't approve of).

Fortunately, after reading my text, my father seemed to come around, and invited me to put together a list of parts for my computer, since I wanted to build it. I got really excited and got the help of my computer-savvy friend to put together something I thought was reasonable-- it had a really good graphics card and processor, and I made compromises on some of the other parts to lower the cost. I haven't looked at the list in a while, but the total cost-- tower, two mid-range monitors, basic keyboard and mouse-- was something like 2.5k approaching 3k. Mid range (at least, it is these days) I think, but it would be enough for the things I wanted to do.

I put the list together, and emailed it to my dad. The assumption I had, was he would purchase the parts, and then we would build it together (or I would build it alone). However, later on I went to ask him if he had gotten my email, and while he said yes, he also said, "I'm not paying for the whole thing. I can't afford it, and it's not fair to spend more on you as an individual than what I spent on your brother as an individual for the Florida trip."

I find the latter point somewhat fair considering I'm the only person who benefits from this gift, but the first point, given the background context on my father's habits, I'm not sure how much I believe. But arguing with him would have been pointless. I definitely would have liked to have had that information beforehand, but it ultimately didn't change much.

This is getting long, so I'll try to summarize the rest. This was just the first instance of my father changing the goal posts for my graduation gift. First, he tried to convince me that getting a prebuilt tower would be just as good. I did the research, and a tower with the graphics card I wanted would have cost as much as building my own tower and buying a monitor, keyboard, and mouse, and still not have been as good in other specs anyways. Then, he tried to tell me he was only going to give me $1000 towards the computer. I pointed out paying for my older sibling for the Florida trip would have cost at least $1500-- if I hadn't done the research, I wouldn't have known any better and just blindly agreed. Then, two days after my graduation, he stated that he wasn't going to give me the money for the computer until I had secured a full time job.

At that point, I just gave up, and agreed.

Fast forward to now. I'm still working the part time job, I barely make enough to put a couple dollars into savings, no one is hiring me full time, and my dad hinted that, instead of doing presents for Christmas this year, we all agree to go on vacation somewhere. Not only that, but his family in Canada just told him they're going to Mexico in November. Not only is my dad implying we should go too and I should pay a portion of my own way, I have a further feeling he may say that this will be our Christmas as well. I still don't have the computer, even though my dad has noticed how much I'm struggling.

If I had the computer, I wouldn't have minded the vacation-- but I feel like my wants and feelings have been completely pushed aside in favor of what my dad thinks is good and/or right, and the wind has been taken out of my sails regarding my graduation entirely. On the other hand, maybe he's right that I focus too much on a material thing and should redirect my attention to an experience and go somewhere to relax/get away from daily life.

Am I a materialistic asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[fang3d4]

Anya’s *actual* worst fear

So throughout the series, Anya consistently references a fear of hers, other than bunnies. Gerascophobia. Which is a very long, fancy word, for the phobia of getting old. She sings about it in omwf (twice,) and she has a whole monologue to Xander about it in season 5.

It makes sense that Anya is freaked out by this. She lived for thousands of years being practically indestructible, her physical body not aging a single second. And all of a sudden she’s thrust head first back into humanity. Sure, she’s young, but while seventy years might sound like forever to us, to her it’s a blip.

Not to mention, she’s in a relationship, with a man. Now, before you come at me, Anya spent a millennium reining vengeance on men who had wronged women. The idea she has of the male sex in her mind, is almost definitely skewed to the negative. And we live in a society that is obsessed with aging. Women are expected to stay looking as young and as youthful as possible, and we are told that that is what men are attracted to and desire. Anya isn’t just scared of aging because she won’t be as mobile, or recognize herself, but because she’s scared Xander won’t want her anymore.

And unfortunately, this fear is something Xander reinforces. I’m not a Xander fan, but I understand why he left her at the altar. I don’t necessarily think that it was a mistake. But looking at it from Anyas perspective- ouch. Ever had your friends tell you a partner is wrong for you and defended them with your life, only to be publicly proven wrong? That, times a thousand. But also, Anya knows that Xander was shown a version of their future. She knows Xander saw a version of her, years from now, aged. And now he’s leaving her. I’m not saying that that’s *why,* (it wasn’t) but if I was in her position, that question would definitely be in my mind. 

I also find it interesting that Anyas vengeance demon face, almost resembles a very dramatic version of being aged/wrinkles. Anya has to have this face to have her power, but Xander finds it ugly, scary.

Through her relationship with Xander, Anya never feels adequate for another reason. We see her often trying to live up to the crush Xander never got completely over- buffy. Anya wants Buffy’s clothes, her hair. And then, who does Xander end up with? dawn summers. I know, I’m sorry, but I have to talk about it. I, like most people, ignore the comics as much as I can. But specifically the first series of comics, was originally supposed to be season eight of buffy- on the screen. And he who shall not be named, definitely knew aspects of said season before hand.

Anyas ex fiancé, who didn’t feel able to marry her, was able to take that leap with dawn. Who is, not only the younger sister of the girl she could never lived up to- and, as buffy said herself, *her* in a way- but also the youngest person he could legally be with. She was only 18 to his twenty-three when they started dating. Which, while doesn’t sound like the MOST insane age gap at first glimpse, becomes a lot more concerning when you think about the fact that Xander used to babysit her.

Joss is known for foreshadowing- he does it all the time in buffy. And knowing that dawn and Xander end up getting married in the comics, all of the “I’m gonna marry that girl- what that’s my sister she’s 15-“ “wdym dawn has a crush on spike, she’s supposed to have a crush on ME” ‘jokes’ feel like some kind of sick joke. Which, knowing wheadon, they probably were. But in season seven, that foreshadowing takes on a less ‘jokey’ tone. Obviously there’s the bronze scene in him, but I also noticed that in a handful of scenes in this season, the shot is set up to show dawn and Xander together, while Anya is being pushed to the sidelines. In one of these, Xander is hugging Dawn, while Anya stands alone at the side.

The most heartbreaking instance of this, is in the finale. Anya’s death is already so tragic- the fact that it was so fast, so close to the end, so unnoticed. But the last clip with Anya in it is set up like this: Anya is in the foreground- dead. Xander is looking for her, but dawn takes his hand and drags him away. This irks me so much, because I hate the narrative of the other, younger woman ‘stealing’ the guy away. It’s an idea that fuels society’s huge push for women to compete against eachother, to be the most attractive, or, more accurately, most desirable to men.

So, Anya is scared of Bunnies. A symbol of innocence and fertility. A symbol of her life with Olaf, a marriage she likely went into very young, and based on her attempts to postpone physical relations with him, she wasn’t entirely comfortable with. She, more than most, should understand that the standards women are set to are harmful, that they were never attainable- even in the fantastical world of buffy, you can’t be human if you don’t age. But just like most of us in the real world, that didn’t stop her from desperately clinging to those standards, forever trying to meet them, eternally scared of the privilege of growing old. One, that in the end, she never got to have. 

[eresia-catara]

What blows my mind is that Dante may have casually admitted to having homosexual desires in Canto 16 of the Inferno, where he sees sodomites and wishes to literally throw himself into the flames to join them, but he fights the urge and says, "And then I spoke: ‘Repulsion, no, but grief for your conditions spread throughout my heart (and years will pass before it fades away)...'” Like, Bro???????????? Am I reading this correctly?

What's even crazier is that he says Virgil would have let him. Fucking Virgil. Like whadhdtahwhat?? Perhaps I'm misremembering, but I can't remember a single canto in which Virgil would approve of Dante putting himself in physical danger. That is so crazy to me. 

Thinking about this in terms of Virgil = Guido and my brain explodes. 

It's true!

Dante says that he sees three people rushing towards him ("like champions do, naked and oiled, studying their grip before they come to blows and thrusts between them" .ahem.) and Virgil says that if it weren't for the fire it would actually be more becoming if it were Dante rushing towards them rather than the contrary. And a few lines later Dante says that if he weren't terrorized he would throw himself amongst them and hug them, and Virgil would've allowed it.

There are two things that strike me. The first is that a central theme with sodomites is dignity. Contrary to literary tradition of the time where the punishment of sodomites was often described in quite brutal terms and involved the torture of genitals, Dante is much more delicate and his focus is not on the perversion of their lust but on the fact that those corrupted are prestigious people. With Brunetto Latini Dante insists on his intellectual dignity, and only with the three sodomites of canto XVI their nakedness is highlighted, but the comparison says everything about how we need to interpret it: they look like wrestlers, like champions. There is no belittlement in this image but clelebration (and Brunetto was compared to a champion too). In a way I would compare them to Farinata degli Uberti (canto X) in the way they deserve respect, but with the difference that with Farinata we still see the flaws of his character, his pride and his attachement to his lost life, while the three sodomites do not talk about themselves but are rather interested in the state of Florence's customs — are florentines still courteous and valorous? (spoiler no)— Again, what seems to be relvant to Dante is not the sin per se but how frequent it is amongst respectful people. The subtext is saying: sodomy does not make a person a vile subhuman being — contrary to, for example, robbers who become one with snakes and where Vanni Fucci, one of them, openly insults God. — This is all a very unusual and original approach.

Then we have, as you said, sympathy. Dante not only respects them, but feels like he's part of them. Just like in Limbo, where he meets famous poets and he joins them as they form a circle and discuss poetry because Dante is a poet himself, here the three form a circle around Dante ("fénno una rota di sé tutti e trei", "they wheeled round all three", l.21) and he wishes to hug them and they speak of virtues thus demonstrating they are not subhuman because....Dante is one of them and he too is not subhuman but is deserving of respect?

All of this, of course, from the earthly, skewed perspective of Dante-character who's too weak to condemn people who share his same sins. God very much punishes them not only because we are in Hell but because there might be, as we have said, the full reversal of Guido's poem.

To sum up, I am a sodomite-Dante truther.

[carlyraejepsans]

I really respect your dedication to these characters and the fine nuances in writing them with pinpoint accuracy but lord it must be really really hard to find any amount of fanfics by people who feel the same and don't unintentionally do something kinda ooc once that makes you stop reading a story. With short comics and art and whatever you have to go out of your way to mischaracterize characters since there's not a ton of internal substance, they're just kissing or telling a line of dialogue, but with fic it's so descriptive and so much more thought on how a character's inner workings carry on, and I feel a lot of people have fun writing fanfiction in a way that does not result in 100% accurate characterizations because that would take so much continual, constant effort and very thorough character analysis skills and applications to get right pretty much all of the time. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say beyond it must be tough for you specifically to find stories that don't annoy you- or perhaps that is not accurate! I don't read much fic so I don't know, it just seems like it'd be exhausting from an outside perspective

BAHAHAHA the eternal struggle of the Hater. I'm kind of obsessed with how you described it here. You're mostly correct! And kind of missing a crucial detail at the same time.

It's true, it is extremely difficult to find fanfiction that agrees with me--especially for a fandom like Undertale with 1) a very young audience and 2) a very heavily character-centric form of storytelling, which inevitably results in nuanced personalities that are hard to grasp without full context (which means analyzing the canon... a lot!)

There's two very important things you should note though!! Undertale is a HUGE fandom. As hard as finding really accurate fics might be, they ARE out there, and when i find them I'm so invested in their accuracy and analysis that I enjoy them 10000 times more than someone who just... doesn't think about this stuff. It's about quality over quantity.

The other thing is: being this ""picky"" and analysis focused doesn't actually stop me from reading fanfiction. Just lately I've been going through the entire fandom tag on ao3 in reverse alphabetical order and trying out anything that doesn't immediately put me off via tags/summary. Is there a lot of stuff that reads ooc or that I just plain don't like? like, a LOT of it? absolutely. But at the end of the day, that ALSO becomes an exercise in analysis. Why did this portrayal come off as ooc? Was the character voice accurate to canon? If not, what made them differ? Was it the way the character acted, rather? Is this the author's bias or exaggeration? Why do I feel like it would be at odds with the person they are in canon? Would they ever be driven to behave like this? What would push them? Was that accurately justified in this fic? and so on.

it's true that engaging with fandom on the regular can heavily skew your perception of the original, but i feel that engaging with fanon and habitually returning to the canon as a point of reference, as contrast, as fact checking, is one of the best ways to truly understand both the characters and the fan communities that they gathered around them. overall, it's good fun!! well worth the occasional cursed content, and even then it gives me something to inflict psychic damage on my friends with.

[svsssfanonarchive]

I really appreciate your continued emphasis on people being free to enjoy canon and fanon as they want while providing accurate canon information! All the asks and PSAs you've shared on that recently reminded me of a fic where sj actually WAS innocent, even wrt abuse. They had to make an a/n how it was their spin deviant from canon so it'd be great if they could stop getting nasty messages pls. I just think we should all foster a nicer fandom environment, so I love what you're doing~!

Yeah, I personally might be a book-canon purist, but I can certainly recognize that not everyone feels the same way-- and at the end of the day, it is fiction, what people want to do with canon and fanon is up to them and really has little to do with them as a person. I hold authorial intent in really high regard, but no need to bully those who don't, and who want to rearrange things.

Of course, for something like you mention, I would advise using some kind of tag to indicate that it's off-script. Especially since SJ's abuse of LBH is an integral part of the story the novel is telling, changing things like that changes the entire tone of things.

If a fic where the characters are intentionally OOC gets popular, then people will inevitably start going to that fic's portrayal and mixing that up with canon details (this is, probably, why there is so much apologism and denial of SJ's canonical abuse of LBH in this fandom, though it certainly wouldn't be the specific fic you're referencing alone and is probably a combination of many different factors). I personally don't like portrayals like this, but if a writer is changing it for their story, then who am I to judge or harrass them over it? The only issue comes when it spills over into the wider fandom perception, and you have people swearing left and right that SJ had nothing to do with the fake manual (he did) or didn't actually mean to abuse LBH or want him dead (he also did, and this can't just be contriubted to unreliable narrator since it comes from his own perspective in the extras). So I think an a/n at the beginning is a good idea in situations like these. If writers don't want to spoil things, just simply tag that the character is OOC compared to canon-- no need to go into specifics, and readers will know going in that the portrayal isn't meant to be a take on canon or aligning with it.

No one knows how popular their fic will become, after all, and if it gets into the wider fandom space without proper context, things like "Shen Jiu was just treating LBH normally for the time period, he wasn't abusive, LBH was just a self-obsessed person trying to demonize him" become mainstream, widely held beliefs.

Of course, this is what my blog is for, hopefully rerouting some of those ideas, pointing back to the sources where the divergence happened, so that people can see that while they may enjoy this canon-divergent depiction, that they shouldn't bring it into canon-based analysis. I think sourcing fanon is very important for this reason-- better than just saying "you're wrong" is being able to say "this is where the idea came from."

At the end of the day, a deliberately off-script, ooc portrayal should be tagged as such and AO3 provides those tags for a reason. There's nothing inherently wrong with writing characters OOC to change a story. People can write what they want! It's the writer's job to make relevant information known, and the reader's job to filter it out and just not read things they don't like. I'm so particular that I put down probably 80 percent of fics I read before I even get through the first few chapters. That's just me though! I'm a canon snob! Other people have no issues and that's fine.

As long as things aren't skewing into abuse apologism in regards to the canon-universe, there's literally no reason I can't just ignore things I don't like, and there's no reason other people can't do the same with things they don't like.

Anyway, don't harrass artists and writers in the fandom. If you feel it absolutely necessary to leave a comment in regards to an OOC character portrayal, don't be mean about it, just say something like "<Character Name> seems to be a bit OOC here, is this intentional?" but even then, it's really not necessary to come into someone else's space like that. Make your own posts, write your own fics.

There is no reason to assume malice when there are other explanations. This is hard with topics like abuse apologism, but people also need to remember that this is fiction. SJ was abusive in canon, but he's still not a real person, and if someone wants to write a version of him where he's not abusive, then that portrayal can easily be treated as a version from an alternate universe where things were different. This is not the same as saying a person in real life isn't abusive, because in this case, it's not apologism-- it's literally a different universe where the rules of the original canon don't apply. In fictional and fandom spaces, it's a lot easier and better off to just give people the benefit of the doubt.

As long as you're not claiming that his canon behavior wasn't abusive (since that's about behaviors now, and not just a fictional story), it literally doesn't matter what people write in fanfic.

Authors, tag your fics with everything you'd like your readers to be aware of, because when a reader opens up a fic they're probably expecting the characters to follow canon unless stated otherwise.

Readers, read the portrayals and stories you like. Don't read the ones you don't. If something isn't tagged correctly, and you find out you don't like it after reading, just close the fic and stop reading.

No one should ever be harassing anyone else over fandom for any reason.

[belethlegwen]

What is a niche aspect of G/t that you dearly love that you don't get a chance to really talk about?

How it reflects on self-image.

I think that's the niche one that I don't talk about enough, though I bring it up a little bit in my works. The idea that, particularly in most media where you aren't used to being at the perspective you're suddenly in (you're small around people who are bigger, or big around people who are smaller, and it's something you've either never experienced before or haven't experienced much) how that will change how you see yourself.

Melanie in The Rescue for example has existing concerns about her appearance and how people see her to begin with, and that becomes wildly amplified when someone small is nearby. She covers her mouth while she's eating, she tries to keep her head and face pointed up and away when she's feeling extremely self-conscious.

If you hate the idea of constantly being noticed, judged, critiqued, scrutinized, etcetera, then suddenly being a Giant to someone else/other people has to be fucking hell. Any issues you have with your self-image normally aren't exactly put aside when your face is the size of a movie-screen and you know people's eyes don't usually come with those lovely hollywood-glam filters they put over actors in film.

As a Giant are you now more worried about being in the way? About being a problem for people? About causing damage or harm accidentally? Or are you being pressured to do more, be more simply because of how other people see you?

On the flip-side of that, if you're suddenly small, do you feel much more vulnerable? Do you feel like you're under significantly more threat? Have you lost a feeling of control that you desperately needed to keep a sensation of being safe?

Do you feel disposable? Do you feel useless? Are you more of a burden now than you were before, so reliant on others in a world that isn't built to help you? That might not feel like it's even interested in helping you?

Do you feel invisible? Easily forgotten? If you were used to being the center of attention before, does this absolutely shatter that or suddenly make that lifestyle feel like a waking nightmare? \

Do you feel like you're not enough?

If you were having those issues and feelings before, how are they amplified or changed now? How are they messed with, skewed, possibly erased in some cases?

I try to bring a good bit of these perspectives into my writing where I can, but it can be exhaustingly introspective and feel extremely heavy both to read and to write, but I can't say that I'm not fascinated by it.

Thank you so much for the ask, love! <3