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winnisblur · 5 days ago

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“Cracks In Our Hearts.”

pairing ❤︎‬: gender neutral reader x sunghoon. w.c ‪‪❤︎‬: 4.5 - 5k (it’s word vomit at its finest) synopsis ‪‪❤︎‬: you’re a player in squid game, and thanks to a certain square guard, you’ve managed to survive (and get fucked).

this fic includes ‪‪❤︎‬: smut so mdni, death(s?), blood, sunghoon is a guard and is hot with a mask and pistol, he’s also cold(i think that’s the word), reader just trying to survive, ends up dying tho lol, bathroom sex, choking, pain and gun kink, degradation, sunghoon is actually a jerk beneath the mask, so is reader, unprotected sex, readers skin colour nor private parts are mentioned and etc.

warnings ‪‪❤︎‬: english isn’t my first language, not really proofread so srry about that, and i’m nervous af cus this is my first time writing T-T, this is based off of s1 so spoilers ahead (for those who haven’t watched both seasons”.

…..I shouldn't have survived the first game.

The thought clings to me like a stain as I sit cross-legged on the cold gray floor of the dormitory. Around me, everyone's faces wear that same haunted look-eyes sunken, shoulders hunched-but it does nothing to erase this truth: I'm still here, and a hundred others aren't.

My hands shake as I clutch the bottle of water they gave us, the only comfort in this nightmare. “Red Light, Green Light” was supposed to be simple. A childish game, nothing more. But then, when the first shot went off, the simplicity was in pieces. I kept my head down, my steps calculated. An act of luck rather than any skill saved me. Halfway, my legs had locked, but the chaos around saved me. I was too scared even to breathe, let alone blink while that giant, doll-like machine scanned the field. The screams. The silence. They cling to me as much as the relief of being alive.

But that leaves me with just one question: how long will I last?

Dalgona Game

As the guards herd us into the grounds, that feeling of luck is not there.

The sun knocks heavily upon the earthy ground, and a whispering wave curls through the players. In front of us stood a table piled high with tins, each containing the next nightmare: “Dalgona candy.” The guard with the square mask appears to be in charge; he steps forward. His voice rumbles from behind his mask. "You will each choose a tin. Inside is a shape. Your task is to extract the shape from the candy without breaking it. You will have ten minutes."

That's it? A shape?

But then I look at the examples on the display-circle, triangle, star…and an umbrella. My stomach does a flip. Not just precision, but luck too. A wrongly picked tin means my death. The queue moved fast; shaking hands reached for tins, people picking as if their lives depended on it. Because they do.

When it's my turn, I force myself to breathe and reach for the one closest to me. The metal feels cool and heavy in my hands. I don't even open it right away, afraid to see what fate I've chosen. Finally, I lift the lid.

The umbrella stares back at me.

"Great," I mutter under my breath. I look around, and there are a few groaning in despair as they unveil their shapes. Most got stars or circles—luckies. The timer starts, and the courtyard almost becomes a battlefield of concentration. People start licking their candies, tapping needles at them, and quite a few try to bite them. I take the given needle and gently press it against the candy. The sound of cracking candy nearby makes my heart run. I start shaking and tracing the thin, delicate lines of the umbrella. "Steady," I say to myself. Halfway through, it happened.

Snap.

The handle of the umbrella broke off clean. My blood ran cold.

It was over.

Instantly, my head jerks up to find the nearest guard. They are already converging on other players who busted their candies. I heard shots ring out and immediately froze. That is when I see him.

One of the square-guards, taller than the others, stops a few feet away. I cannot see his face, yet there is something different in the way he looks at me. His head tilts slightly, studying me, and for that one fleeting instant, the noise falls away. Then he takes another step closer.

"No," I whisper. Shivering, my heartbeat surges as I hold the shattered candy tightly against my body, to hide it from view. But instead of brandishing his weapon, he leans in and whispers, "Pretend you're still working." I stare up at him, appalled. "Do it," he says sharply in a low voice, and I automatically comply. I push the broken pieces together, my hands shaking so severely it's a wonder they don't break into a hundred more pieces. The guard-he-stands close enough that I can sense his presence. He occasionally looks around, subtly blocking the other guards' view of me. “Why?" I dare to whisper. He says nothing.

Minutes tick by-although by some miracle, no one notices my snapped candy. When the buzzer goes off, I hold my breath for the worst to happen. Instead, the square-guard advances, feigning that he's inspecting the other players. Somehow, I get away.

The dormitory is noisier tonight. Some are cheering, others crying, but I do not think of anything besides him. Why did he save me? Was this some sort of mistake? A test? My head runs with the different connotations, but no sensible fact makes sense. Guards are not supposed to show mercy.

When the lights dim for night, I am awake. I play that moment in my head over and over-the quiet authority in his voice, the way he lingered just long enough to save me. There's just no getting answers, yet I couldn't help my mind from running over and over with thoughts of him.

Sunghoon’s POV

This was reckless.

I lean against the wall of the guard quarters, helmet in my hands, and let my breath out slowly. My heart hasn't stopped racing since I saw them-their trembling hands, the way they froze when their candy broke. I should've ignored it. I should've done my job. But something about the way their eyes widened, filled with fear and determination, stopped me. I don't know why I helped them. It wasn't out of pity. It wasn't out of guilt.

It was them.

I have seen hundreds of players, most of them desperate enough or selfish enough to catch nothing but their own survival. But they're different. I shouldn't be feeling this way. Guards aren't supposed to feel anything. Yet every time I think about their face, my resolve cracks just that little bit more.

If anyone finds out, I'm as good as dead.

But somehow, I just can't seem to care. Tomorrow's another game, another chance to see them. I just hope I can keep my distance.

For both our sakes.

The Next Day

I wake up to this gnawing feeling in my chest. It isn't the ache in my limbs or the exhaustion of staying up all night, reliving the events of the Dalgona game in my head; it's the dread of what comes next.

Another game, another chance to die.

They walk us to the next arena as effectively, coldly, with all the same efficiency of people used to doing a day's labor. My head was down, letting myself just become part of a whole, not standing out too much. The cold-faced, geometric-mask-covered guard statues line the wall opposite. My eyes fly toward each square mask.

Grievously stupid. Insane even-but what did it matter? Had he watched me just then? Was he going to try to save me?

A small part of me wants him to, but the larger part is reminding me of one crucial thing: here, I am on my own. Completely and utterly. Not even him.

Sunghoon’s POV

There they are.

Perched atop the arena above, my eyes find them in a heartbeat. They scan the guards again, their shoulders tense, eyes keen despite the exhaustion clinging to every player out there. I shouldn't watch them. Shouldn't give a damn.

Yet I can't peel my eyes away, though. Still alive, that's what matters.

My grip tightens on the rifle in my hands as the Robotic Female’s voice booms across the arena, announcing the rules for today’s game. I already know what’s coming. Another trial, another bloody mess.

And I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure they survive. Even if it means breaking every rule I’ve sworn to follow.

The Tug-of-War Twist

We are brought to a very large outdoors arena, with several platforms towering up to the sky. Ropes traverse atop thick, and beneath these? A fall so long I could hardly see the bottom.

Tug-of-war.

The explanation is simple: teams of ten; whoever wins lives. Losers. well, the fall does the talking. I'm pushed towards a group, and panic bursts in my chest as I realize the dynamics are uneven. None of them appear to be very strong. A few even shake so hard that I don't think they can hold the rope.

This is bad.

The guards line the edges, rifles in place to take out anyone showing even a millisecond of hesitation. My eyes flicker to them out of instinct, and there he is-square guard. His posture is stiff, but his helmet angles toward me as I step on the platform. Is he looking at me?

The thought's cut off by a buzz. And with that, the first match begins. I am horrified as the opposing team pulls with ruthless precision. Losing is being dragged, inch by inch, toward the edge. Their screams echo when the rope jerks once more, sending them plunging into the void.

This isn't just about strength. It's strategy.

When it's our turn, I reach for the rope, my palms already slick with sweat. My team looks hopeless, all whispering prayers and clutching at whatever scraps of courage they can muster. The opposing team, however, is all muscle.

"Pull!" someone yells as the buzzer sounds, and I dig my heels into the platform. The rope's abraded heat against my palms sears the skin as we're yanked forward. Arms scream, legs wobble-it feels like we are seconds away from catastrophe. "Lean back! Use your weight!" someone yells, but it's futile. We're losing so much ground. That's when I saw him.

The square-guard stood near the edge, his head cocked as he watched me. For what feels like an eternity he doesn't move, before finally he moves a step closer and leans on his rifle at his shoulder. I'm stuck until his hand moves after all, and it does really slowly.

It was the signal.

I watch transfixed as his gloved hand takes direction toward the other guys on the opposition side of this platform, then he tap-dances his foot quickly yet small - almost in a blur-close around anchor point holding their ropes steady. My eyes widen.

Is he telling me their side is rigged?

I have no time to think. I lean back with all my strength and yell to my team, "Pull to the left! They're off balance!" The others hesitate but follow my lead, shifting our weight. The opposing team stumbles, losing their footing, and in the chaos, I catch something flicker in the corner of my vision-a quick, subtle motion from his side.

The anchor point snaps.

The opposing team barely has time to act before they're pulled forward, screaming as they tumble into the abyss. We collapse onto the platform, gasping for air. Relief washes through me, tainted with disbelief.

I should be dead.

I glance toward him again but he's already gone, sucked back into the sea of guards. Tonight, I cannot get him out of my mind. The square-guard. The one who has saved me over and over again. No one else is paying any attention to anything but celebration or mourning as I slip into the shadows near the edge of the dormitory. The guards patrol the perimeter, their masks gleaming under the dim lights. And then I see him.

He leans against the wall, a little apart from the others. As I approach him, my heart pounds, and every step sounds louder than it should. "What are you doing?" I whisper. His head snaps toward me, and for a second, I think I have made a mistake. But then he steps forward, his voice low and sharp. "You shouldn't be here."

"Neither should you," I shoot back, emboldened by adrenaline. "You've been helping me. Why?” He hesitates, glancing around before tugging me further into the darkness. "You shouldn't ask questions you don't want answers to," he says. "I think I deserve an answer," I say, crossing my arms over my chest despite the tremble in my hands. "You've saved my life twice. Don't act like that's normal." For a moment, he says nothing. Then, with a sigh, he lifts his mask just enough for me to see his face.

He's younger than I expected. Sharp jawline, intense eyes that seem to pierce right through me. "You stood out," he admits, his voice softer now. "Most people here…they're just trying to survive. But you-" He catches himself, as if he's said too much. "But what?" I press.

“You fight," he says so simply. "Even when you're scared. Even when you shouldn't." The words dangle in the air, between us like a challenge. Heavy, electric. "I don't know why I do these things," he continues more irritably. "But if you wanna stay alive, don't trust me. Don't trust no one." His words shouldn't assure me, and yet suddenly, for the first time since I have been here, I do feel one thing: hope.

"Thanks," I say under my breath. He doesn't answer, but pulls his mask back down and steps away, leaving me in the shadows.

I trudge up the stairs, the fluorescent lights above me flickering with every labored step my legs take. It was mountainous, but I had survived another game, another step closer to whatever hellish end this place had in store. The other players say nothing. Their faces are hollow, their skin pale. No one dares speak anymore. Silence is safer.

I stop on the last step as a guard blocks my path. Square mask. My heart catches. "What's this?" I say, sharper than I mean to. Exhaustion has sucked any tolerance from me. "You're flagged," he says bluntly. "There's suspicion you might be carrying something you shouldn't be. You'll have to be searched." My blood turns cold. Suspicion? Prohibited? “That's crazy," I say, my panic rising into my chest. "I don't have anything-"

"Follow me." There's no request about it. The other players glance my way, their eyes wide and wary, but they don't get involved. They're too frightened to risk drawing attention to themselves. I hesitate, my mind racing. If this is a setup, if they think I've broken a rule, this could be it. This could be my end.

But I have no choice. Taking a deep breath, I follow the guard down a dimly lit corridor and into a bathroom. The sound of the door locking behind me makes me shiver. “Turn around," the guard instructs in a cold, emotionless voice. I do so, my heart racing. "Look," I begin, "I don't know what you think I've done, but-"

"Stop talking.” It cuts through my protest, and there's something about it-something familiar. I turn to face them, my brow furrowing. “What is this?" I ask. "Who are you?" For a moment, they don't respond. Then, with a slow, deliberate motion, the guard lifts their mask. My breath catches.

It's him.

The square-guard who's been helping me. The one I thought was gone, fired, or worse-killed for breaking the rules. "You-" I stutter, my voice barely above a whisper. "I had to see you," he says, his voice soft, yet urgent. "I couldn't stay away any longer." I blink, trying to process the rush of emotions-relief, confusion, anger. "I thought you were-what happened to you? Why did you stop-" "I had to lay low," he interrupts. "They were watching me. But I'm still here. I don't know what to say. My mind is racing, torn between gratitude and frustration. “Why did you bring me here?" I ask finally.

His eyes lock with mine, intense and unyielding. “Because I couldn't take it anymore," he says, his voice low, stepping closer. "Watching you risk your life, knowing I couldn't do anything to stop it-it's been driving me insane." I swallow hard, my heart racing as he closes the gap between us. "You shouldn't be doing this," I whisper. "If they find out—"

"I don't care," he says with finality. "I've already broken the rules for you. What's one more?" And before I can say another word, his hands frame my face, and he kisses me. It's not soft or tentative-it's desperate, raw, like he's pouring every ounce of fear and longing into the moment. I'm stuck in a freeze-frame moment for a second, mind whipping. Then I yield and cling to his uniform while kissing him back with every ounce of fierce intensity of my own. The world falls away, and I feel something other than fear for the first time since this nightmare kicked off.

But not for long.

He pulls away, forehead resting against mine, hard breaths mingling between our lips. "I can't protect you anymore," he says, his voice cracking. "Not with what's coming." I search his face, my chest tightening at the pain in his eyes. "You've already done more than enough," I whisper. He shakes his head. "It's not enough. It'll never be enough."

A heavy silence falls between us, and I know this is goodbye. Expect it wasn’t actually, his lips captured mine again, his lips….almost saying they wanted me, needed me. That is until he broke the kiss again, and pinned my back against the cold, colorful tiled wall of the bathroom. His body language seemed like he has longed for the dramatic (sort of) crash of holding me against the wall, kissing me like he was dreaming about this every single minute of the day.

He winced as my nails raked across his back through his pink suit, he probably felt like his outfit was being torn by my nails, which could get us both in trouble if that was actually to happen. He winced again as he took ahold of my wrists and slammed them to the wall in retaliation, wedging his knee between my thighs, which made a gasp leave my lips at the slightest bit of friction I was getting from his thigh.

“Didn’t know you were this desperate for me,” he teased after breaking the heated kiss for the nth time, leaving him and me breathless, panting with saliva connecting us. His low chuckle echoed through the empty, now suffocating bathroom, and making his vampire teeth pop out. “it’s laughable, really. Does the games make you horny?” he teased yet again, raising his thick eyebrows in a way that seemed mockingly, his thigh moving back and forth slightly, earning a whine from my lips as he chuckled like he was enjoying me being teased. “Does your life being on the line make you horny? You sadist bit-“ Pain blistered across Sunghoon’s cheek, he couldn’t help but grin as it sent shockwaves of sensation tearing across his body. Adrenaline hummed through his veins as he hungrily kissed me again, choking me with his gloved hands. I thrashed, ripping at the back of his head by a fistful of hair and biting down hard on his lower lip. Both of our lips were bleeding now, but the metallic tang only made him deepen the kiss even more, greedily trying to taste much of it as possible, masochist much?

“Fucking slut,” He hissed, licking blood and spit from my chin. “You’re a cunt and a dick, a motherfucking cunt and dick sucker.” I hissed back, he chuckled. He fucking chuckled this was all a fucking a circus show for him. “Damn right,” he teased. “But only good girls or boys get their cunts and dicks sucked by me, which isn’t you unfortunately.” he grinned, his hips rolling against my privates, yet again another chuckle slipped from his lips like he enjoyed watching me being frustrated sexually, and I could confirm it just by looking at his eyes that had a glint, a glint of giddiness everytime pain was inflicted upon me.

I hooked my foot behind his knee, forcibly collapsing it. First, he tries making me shit in my pants from coming out of nowhere and telling me that I had to be pat down, makeouts with me, choked me and almost knocked out all of the air in me, calls me names and now his hand is reaching up to my knee to bring me down with him…great. He smirked as he yanked me down onto him, flipping me onto my back and pinning me to the cold floor now instead. He gave just one slow, merciless grind of his hips against mine, and I’m only just realising but…he’s fucking big.

“Who said that…I want you to fucking suck me off or eat me out?” I bit out, nursing my injured lip to keep from moaning as he set out a torturously slow pace through our clothes. “It seems pretty eager to me,” Sunghoon teased, gloved fingertips dipping beneath the waistband of my pants. “I bet I could make you cum in- shit-!” His head smacked harder against the tiles than it should have as I tossed him onto his back, thighs clenched tightly around his hips. The throbbing pain only added to the throbbing pleasure as I rolled my hips. “Just who do you think fucking I am? Just- fuck- just because I’m trying to survive and win doesn’t mean I’m gonna be your fucking bitch.” Sunghoon grinned up at me, I was already flushed bright red and riding his hips with rough, desperate japs of my hips. “Big talk for someone who’s riding me like their life depends on it, ironically.” he snickers. “I can feel you, asshole. You’re in the same situation as I am!” Sunghoon smirked, and in one quick move, he snatched my wrist and rocketed back to his feet, spinning me back around and leaving me face-first against the wall. “You might not be able to kill people like me, and neither I could survive the games you’re playing but god…you’re right, I do want you.” I shuddered at his deep voice. I shifted, legs spreading to support myself better and Sunghoon slotted his knee right between them once more, hands settling on my waist as I got my one free hand between me and the wall, trying to push and give myself some space. I only succeeded in pushing our bodies closer than before, his cock nestled firmly against my ass.

“Let me have you,” Sunghoon purred, squeezing my waist and slowly moving up my sides the way that turned me into putty. I moaned, shuddering again. “Fuck you! If you want me so badly, then come and take it, take me!” well, that is an invitation that Sunghoon hasn’t heard before, even before doing this whole crazy guard thing at a unknown island. He growled, jerking my pants down in a hurry, like he actually couldn’t believe that his dreams are about to come true. I threw my elbow back, but Sunghoon just pinned my wrist back to the wall. “Stop being a fucking brat,” he hissed. I struggled and choking back a moan, feeling the material of his pink suit against my bare ass. “Get your shitty ass outfit outta the way,” I demanded. “Shit feels like sandpaper!” I hissed. “So sensitive and demanding,” he cooed, even as he let me have both hands back to brace myself against the wall. Sunghoon didn’t dare to move back and give me an opening to escape, only reaching up to unzip his suit and free himself, mostly his cock that was strained against the fabric and begging for friction as it twitched in his underwear. I adjusted, leaning away long enough for Sunghoon to free himself. “If you were me, you’d complain too!” I hissed. “Yeah, yeah, stop running your big mouth. You want it or not?” he rolled his eyes, his suit and underwear failing to his ankles as he leaned forward, completely trapping me between him and the cold wall, his bare cock resting just on my ass, just right where I needed him, so far yet so close. “I told you you fucking idiot, just take it-“ Sunghoon couldn’t help but thrust all of his cock in one go. Making me moan out loud at the blissful pain from the thrust.

For Sunghoon, you were a wet dream come true to life; Sunghoon’s cock glided through you without resistance, soft and slick, tightening only as he rutted against a known sweet spot along your walls. I moaned, arching my back, wrapping tightly around him. He groaned in response, leaning over me, his hands covering mine, fingers almost interlocked. The sweat on my neck left a layer of salt on Sunghoon’s tongue, but beneath it was nothing but you. Sunghoon muffled his own moans against my throat, sucking and biting his way down to my shoulders. I turned my head, covering my mouth with the inside of my elbow as he fucked me against the wall. Sunghoon hiked me up onto my tiptoes, leaning back to appreciate the view, your skin glistened with sweat under the fluorescent lights. “…Please, I’m close da- fuck-!” your words and moans rang loud in his ears, in the bathroom, the silence sharpening your cries. They acted as pokers to the hot coals of fire in the pit of Sunghoon’s stomach, making him embarrassed over how loud you were, neither was the wet and loud sound of skin smacking was making it any better. If any of his fellow guards were outside or just a tad bit close to the bathroom, he’s fucked and killed to death alongside with you.

That is when Sunghoon got an idea, an idea that satisfies his other personality, the one that was created whilst being here for a very long time that he has lost sense of time, and that is fear. He lives off of the idea of goosebumps appearing on the player’s skins just before he kills them, and in this case, while he’s fucking them and practically making them cock-drunk from his stroke game. Sunghoon leaned down and grabbed his long forgotten, abandoned pistol on the floor, aiming the barrel at your forehead, and with that his thrusts became harder, sloppier but you…you were terrified. Terrified on why there’s a gun to your head suddenly, is he going to kill you after using you like a worthless, lifeless sexdoll? Is that what’s going to happen? You couldn’t lie to yourself because the thought kinda turned you on and made you wetter even more, because you wouldn’t mind being his sexdoll if his cock was constantly inside you and making you go brainless. “Stop moaning like a whore unless you want me to pull the trigger right now, and kill you before they find us.” he threatened lowly in my ear, licking and bitting as he tried to muffle his own sounds. By now, you knew you looked pathetic with your eyes red, red and snotty nose as tears stained and wet your flushed cheeks as you began to bite onto your ragged and bloody jacket, trying to keep quiet because as much as it turned you on at the thought of dying on his dick, but you valued your life at the moment because, living longer equals bouncing on his dick for even more before you die.

Sunghoon barely managed to pull out on time, painting his pleasure all over your ass. He grinned at the realisation that you were still haven’t even came yet, still hanging on the edge as he lowered his pistol and patted his gloved hand on your ass, watching it jiggle with the motion of his hand, giggling to himself as he brought his head up and was met with the sight of you, eyebrows furrowed and eyes narrowed at him. “Get your own self off, brat.” he teased, putting on his suit back and mask, giving you one last cocky glance before he makes sure he looks presentable in the mirror and walks out on you, leaving you frustrated at him, at not being pleasured enough, at the games, and yourself because behind his handsome looks, he’s actually just like the other guards, ruthless and cold.

The Final Game

The days blur all together.

The games are getting more brutal, and the players, myself included, are growing desperate. Every moment feels like a race against time, against fate. The tension among the remaining participants is palpable. We’ve all become numbers now, not people—just pawns in a game that doesn’t care about our lives. The final game is announced, and my heart skips a beat.

It's the one everybody's afraid of: the glass bridge.

We line up in a row, one behind the other, in front of the two routes laid out before us, each comprising several glass panels, some strong and some weak. We had to walk over them and choose appropriate ones to cross or plunge to death. A shiver runs down my spine as the first few players go up front, and what happened was inevitable. One after another, they fall. Screams pierce the cold air, but clear had been the instruction from the guard that no one was to move unless his turn came upon him. Just as I'm about to take my first step, I suddenly feel. something.

It's him.

The square-guard above watches on, his eyes tracking my every movement, and for a split second, our gazes meet. The connection is brief, but it's enough. I don't know what to make of it, but something in the way he watches me is different. There's something in his eyes-something almost…regretful.

It's my turn.

I step onto the bridge, my legs trembling as creaks come from within the glass as my body weight presses down upon it. The first few steps are just fine. My luck has to turn sometime. The crack starts to give under me and I freeze. I looked back, and that is when I see it-something shifting in Sunghoon's posture. Moving.

Too late.

Balance is lost.

I heard him scream my name-my real name, not a number-and did not care. I fell. This was a never-ending fall. The world spun and the only thing I was aware of was air rushing in as I dropped with the pretty firm knowledge I'd not live to cry out.

And then, there was nothing.

Sunghoon's POV

The world is silent.

I stand in stock-stillness, my heartbeat the only sound of the drumbeat as their body disappears into the void below, and with every shattered piece of me. I should have. I should have—

My fist slams against the metal wall. Its echo rings out into that space. Why didn't I act sooner? Why couldn't I pull them back? Why couldn't I protect?

I close my eyes, the guilt suffocating me. This wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to feel this way. But here I am, crushed under the weight of it, the weight of my failure. I should never have gotten involved. I should never have helped them.

But I couldn't stop myself.

And now…

I failed.

I failed them.

The game goes on, but Sunghoon's mind is a maelstrom.

The rest of the players are like shadows, their faces hollow with fear and exhaustion. To Sunghoon, however, time has stopped. He stares at the rest of the players, his eyes searching among them for any sign of the one he couldn't protect. Every step weighs too much to be taken. Every decision he makes feels like a mistake. And when the final buzzer goes off, he barely hears it.

It's the end of the day now, and it doesn't matter anymore.

The only thing filling Sunghoon's head is the weight of his own guilt. The others are rejoicing, but his mind is consumed by you-your face, your eyes, and the time you spent together. He had never gotten the chance to say goodbye.

And he never will.

#― enha !#sunghoon smut #sunghoon x reader #sunghoon imagines #enhypen imagines #enhypen smut #enhypen sunghoon #enhypen sunghoon imagines #enha x reader #enha imagines #enha smut #sunghoon angst #enha angst #enhypen angst

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fatkish · 9 months ago

Note

Heyy, i wanted to request a Eresermic im which Aizawa has a biological daughter, but she is being bullied and they noticed when she was already thinking in ending it all.

I understand if this is too dark, i just lived something similar and my parents blamed me, so some confort would be apreciared hahaha

Thankss, i love your writing 🩷

(Oh my gosh, this hits so close to home because this happened to me. My parents grew up in the era where if boys were mean to you it was because they like you. So when I begged them to do something about my bullies, they did nothing. Needless to say, my childlike innocence was the only reason why I’m alive. Although I may be doing better than I was back then, nothing can erase the trauma from the unintentional neglect from my parents. I hope you don’t mind, but I’ll be basing this somewhat off of my own experience and I’ll be putting it in the Pro Heroes x Inner Child Series)

Erasermic x Aizawa’s Bullied Daughter Reader

(TRIGGER WARNING: This story has mentions of bullying, harassment, allusions to suicide and suicidal thoughts, depression and other potentially triggering topics. Please be advised)

Since you basically have two dads, you refer to Hizashi as papa and Shouta as dad

Your quirk was called restraint. Basically if you called someone by their real, full name, you could temporarily restrain them as long as you focused on them

But just like your dad, you also had to be able to see your target

But unlike your classmates, you were a late bloomer. You developed your quirk at age 8, which led to you being bullied by your peers

You knew that your dad’s worked really hard and that their jobs were really stressful at times. So the last thing you wanted was to be another source of stress for them. Which is why you didn’t tell them about the bullying

You were 11 when you just couldn’t take it anymore. You tried to deal with the situation on your own, you tried to fight your bullies who even started making fun of your dad’s being a couple

You tried not to let anyone’s words affect you but after so many years, you started to believe them too. And you began to bully yourself

You would tell yourself that your dad’s already had enough stress on their plates and that you were just a burden on them. You had started to mentally and physically beat yourself up

The bullies had started to use their quirks on you, resulting in bruises which you would hide with makeup that your Aunt Nemuri had gotten you since you started to develop acne

Since your dads would get home late, you had plenty of time to get home and cover up any wounds

One day, you just had enough

You decided that you were better off dead. You decided that you would take your own life after you got home and would leave a note before leaving the house so your dads wouldn’t have to deal with the body

Unknown to you, Aizawa had gotten a call from one of your teachers who was concerned about you. She had seen you fighting and decided to give Aizawa a call since your grades and overall performance had declined significantly

Aizawa had informed Hizashi of the call and they decided to go home early and wait for you. They believed that you were going through puberty and the hormonal changes were effecting your performance and were the cause

Imagine their surprise when you get home, covered in bruises, a busted lip that was still bleeding and a completely dead look in your eyes

Seeing their precious baby in such a state they immediately started to worry and begged you to talk to them

They had prepared your favorite food for dinner and even got you your favorite dessert as a treat. Seeing how sweet they were, you broke down and confessed your pain and your plan

Hizashi was balling his eyes out and wrapped you in his arms while Aizawa had clenched fists with tears in his eyes.

Aizawa made the call to your school demanding a talk with the principal and the parents of your bullies. While Aizawa was setting that up, Hizashi had you sit on the couch while he tended to your wounds, disinfecting them, cleaning them and bandaging them

He told you that he loves you even though you’re not his biological kid, you’re HIS little listener, his favorite kid in the whole world. He then picked you up and smothered you in hugs and kisses

Aizawa came back into the room and brought the food

That night, you guys are on the couch as you snuggled together under a blanket and watch your favorite movie

The next day, Aizawa and Hizashi dropped you off at UA with Nemuri, while they had a talk with your teachers and bullies. They decided that homeschooling would be the best for you right now since they want to make sure you heal mentally, physically and emotionally from this before you go back

They had told Nedzu what happened and he agreed that for the meantime, until you were mentally stable again, the safest bet would be to have you do your homeschooling at UA where you’ll be surrounded by people who can help you and prevent you from doing anything detrimental to yourself

Needless to say, they love you and you are their whole world and you’re the reason why they fight to come home. You’re their motivation and the reason they fight to protect

(I hoped this helps you and that you guys enjoy this)

#mha x reader #bnha x reader #aizawa x reader #mha aizawa #aizawa shouta #mha pro heroes #pro heroes x child reader #present mic x reader #present mic x child reader #hizashi yamada x reader #Hizashi Yamada x child reader #shouta aizawa x reader #aizawa x child reader #aizawa x daughter reader #Erasermic x child reader #erasermic x reader #aizawa shouta x reader

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jujutsukgojo · 3 months ago

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The Baby Project Chapter 3

Izuku Midoriya x reader

chapter one, chapter two

Summary: Izuku declares, “I’m right here.” Like it’s the most natural thing to him. tw: Dead beats, pee, angst and fluff, idk what else. Izuku and mc will be fast paced but it's alright.

You jolt awake by a baby’s scream. You gasp and look around for the source of the vicious noise in the dark. You pat around for your phone, totally believing it’s some demonic alarm clock. A sniffle in the dark knocks that theory out. Immediately, you take your eye mask off and go to his bassinet. “What’s wrong, little ma-”

He’s bigger and busting out of his onesie. You unbuckle it and take it off as carefully as you can. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”

He has red marks on his legs and arms from the tightness of the clothing. You rub them in an attempt to soothe him then fit him into a new diaper. It’s good luck that you accidentally got the wrong size that one time. “Poor baby,”

You kiss his head, talking low and calmly. “I know, it’s rough growing up. It’s even tougher when you don’t understand it.”

He starts to calm down and is able to no longer have his head totally supported. It raises a little then settles back down as he is close to your chest. “Are you okay, now? You only got a diapy on!” You say in a light tone, making him huff. You pepper him with kisses and set him back down. Since he’s bigger, you check him and see that it still says four months.

“You ate your Wheaties or something?” Something isn’t right. He’s bigger than the average four month old yet shows nothing in his age. He can even hold his head up completely.

You kiss his forehead and see him look up at him with what you could swear is love. His face is still chubby and his eyes still sparkle. If it weren’t for the school insisting on it, you’d swear there is a soul behind those eyes. You go to your desk and flip the flower lamp on. Underneath it is the paper part of the project. It asks questions of each month, the costs, and experiences. How far did the age jump and when. That part’s redundant since Hatsume is tracking the exact time and ages. Then again, this entire project is dumb so why wouldn’t there be dumb questions?

“I better write all of this down.” So, you do. You finally start to do that part of the assignment. Write your experience on the paper and his milestones. It’s early in the morning now and Noa is quick to rest again, funnily enough. You decide to leave out Kaibara’s lack of involvement since they already know that. You still can’t believe you told the teachers. You can’t believe he got aggressive with you because he didn’t like pink on his son. Now, it’s like a waiting game to see Kaibara’s next move. It’s the suspense and the end result. Facing him head on is of course nerve wracking, but the ending is scary.

The fluffy pen grazes across the paper effortlessly as you reminisce. This project started just recently, and you’ve already learned so much about babies and life. You just wish you didn’t have to learn it this way. You wish the heroes would actually care about anyone but themselves. Then again, they have let too many people slip through the cracks to erase that possibility.

You fall asleep at your desk. Drool slides out your mouth and onto the surface and part of the paper. Noa is quiet, resting peacefully in Yona’s gifted bed. You had a dreamless sleep once again. The birds tweet as the sun pokes through your curtains. You turn your head and sigh. The door knocks hurriedly, waking you up fully. You wipe the drool from your mouth and walk to the door with shaky legs. “What?” Your voice is thick with sleep and sand in your eyes.

“Where were you?” Riko stands in front of you. You blink a couple of times to register it. “You’re back!”

“Yeah, and you weren’t. Where were you?”

You notice her uniform. “What? What time is it?”

“Noon! Snipe is looking for you and wanted me to get you.” Your alarm didn’t go off. Noa would have let you know with a wail if something woke him up. “M-my alarm-” you rush to your bedside and see the device blank.

It was set, you’re sure of it. Your eyes look around and see some things have moved. Did you really have a dreamless sleep? You look at Noa and wonder if quirks can affect them since they’re so life like.

“Oh shit…okay, I’ll get ready. Tell him I’m coming.” You look around dazed then grab your bathing items. When you go to grab Noa, Riko stops you. “Can I do it?”

You’d prefer her to handle Snipe but you’re not going to argue. “Sure. I’ll just be a moment, I promise.” You wondered why she would want to given what happened. After your extremely fast shower, you brush your teeth and switch rooms with Riko. Noa babbles and blows bubbles at you. He seems to be a friendly baby. First, he’s fond of Izuku then Riko.

You do the bare minimum with your appearance which bothers the shit out of you, but you are way out of time. “Can’t believe it. I can’t believe I missed school like this.”

“There are plenty more classes to go, miss drama.” She looks confused at the stash of diapers. “What’s this?”

“Special Hatsume diapers. He’s allergic to normal ones,” She raises a brow. You nod. “I know, right? So far, it’s been a pain in the ass to afford.”

She holds up different shirts to him. “Which one, eh? Blue or black?” She pokes his toes, making him laugh. “Black? You sure?”

Putting the finishing touches on yourself, you watch her and Noa. She's a natural and seems to be having fun with him. “You sure you don’t want to do this? I know what that thing did but…I’m sure Snipe will understand.” You don’t blame her for quitting at all. Whatever the grape bastard did, it was enough to traumatize Riko and deserve his fate with the school. Not to mention his hero career.

“No. He completely ruined it for me. I’ll wait for the real thing.” She lifts Noa up and shows you her work. You smile at them. “Dazzling, simply dazzling.”

“I know, I know.” Noa reaches for her turquoise hair. “You sure? You’re great at this, Riko. I don’t think it’s too late.”

She shakes her head. “No. I’ll wait,” Noa finally reaches his goal of pulling her hair. “The things he was doing were too much. I’ll settle for being an aunt right now.”

“I understand. And,” You walk up to her. “I’m sorry I didn’t see the signs sooner.” At the time, the assignment had just started. In a short span, the grape had hurt her. During class she was quiet when her phone went off. There were times she would suck in her lips and look straight ahead. You thought it was because she was afraid of getting in trouble. Now that this all came out, it was clear that she was trying not to cry. That alone makes you want to beat the shit out of the grape, his friends, and his teacher. He should have been gone a long time ago. Why did they wait until it was at the expense of Riko?

You pack Noa’s things in the diaper bag and head out the door after Riko. “It’s no problem, peach. Thanks for not asking for details.” You pause and look back at her. Suddenly, a pretty face comes to mind.

“Ema?”

“Of course, the little demon.” You let out a short laugh. “You love her anyway.”

As the two of you make your way to class, you walk slower and ask, “I don’t need to know the details but…if you need counseli-”

“Counseling?”

“Yes, counseling. Mental health is extremely important. Even if you think it’s nothing or that your pain isn’t serious, take the time and care for yourself. If you need a professional, it’s no one’s business but your own.”

She sucks in her lips. “I’ll think about it.”

Inside the school, you pass students to head to your floor. On the way, Riko is lighthearted, happy and has a pep to her step while holding Noa. Now that he's more developed, he has more expressions. Not a single one has been sad except for the Kaibara incident.

The minute you walk in class with Noa in Riko’s arms still, Snipe tries to calm your classmates down. You move your hands to get them to settle down. “I know, I know. Leave your offerings on the table.”

Benio smirks. “I'm liable to kiss you, puppy.” You sigh. “After class, Benny. When I can get handsy.”

Snipe growls for you to be quiet and points to your seat. The air is lighter in the class. The stress and frustration are obviously still here, but the load is lifting now that you spoke up about their partners�� behavior.

You didn’t expect this. You can see some of your classmates without their babies. The heroes must have them to prove something. All except for Kirishima who has been great from the start.

Benio still has his baby girl. She sits on the side of him, content. She mainly looks like him already, only having Yaoyorzoru's eyes. You smile at how she's looking at him. Starry eyes and all. For a robotic baby, they sure are life-like. If she were real, she’d definitely be a daddy’s girl.

Looking around and seeing how much the babies have grown makes you proud. A lot of them are doing it on their own and they've gotten pretty far.

There's a knock on the door. It opens and Kirishima steps in, quietly asking for Ema. He whispers, “We have training right now and it's not safe. I also have my internship later.”

“It's okay. Talk to you later?” Kirishima nods and apologizes for the interruption. He kisses the baby goodbye and waves at everyone. Everyone says goodbye in unison.

“Why couldn't I have that? Instead, I got stuck with Kaminari.” Jule puts his hand on his hips. You can't help but laugh yet at the same time, remember how much it hurts him that he doesn't have that.

________________________

“So, U.A. stepped up and told the hero students about themselves?” Riko asks then shoves some food in her mouth. You swallow some of your water. “Yep. Apparently, there were some that were very involved, so they didn’t get docked points. Everyone else got punished.”

“Yeah, thankfully they’re stepping up!” Ema gives a slight bounce. Kirishima has been a great partner and was even commended for such.

Benio scoffs. “Whatever.” He hasn't touched his food, and that plate is looking real tempting. You stretch out your fork to grab some of the beef from his lunch. He smacks your hand. You grumble. “Probably cold and nasty anyway…just like you.”

And here you were having dirty thoughts about him. You side eye your friend and what could have been. You shake your head. "We could've had it all." Riding into the sunset on a tropical island or something. With pina coladas...getting caught in the rain, we're not much into health food, we are into champagne-

"Will you stop?" They don't appreciate you in any way, shape or hum of a 70s song. One day they'll miss you.

He goes silent and takes a deep breath. “She only has her for like two seconds to show her off then hands her back to me even if she's not doing anything!”

The table remains silent, intent on listening. “It’s just frustrating. Whenever we have to do that report-”

“Report?” You perk up and a heavy worry starts to settle in. It can’t be that report. There’s no way that your progress report needs to be turned in. You thought it would be like a journal, something to turn in at the end. “Our progress papers are supposed to be turned in.”

“Son of a bit-”

Ema sighs. “He was talking! I’ll help you after, (Y/n). Jeez. Continue Benio.”

“Whenever we do the report, she comes up, looks at my notes, corrects my grammar and turns it in. She’s literally copying my homework.”

You wince. Hearing his story, it makes you even more nervous. You’ve written some of the progress down but not everything and haven’t turned anything in. Not only that, but it is a partnered report.

“Her attitude changed a little but I’m still mad about it. All this time and it took for her to get points deducted for her to notice how wrong she is? Even now, where is she?”

His frustration isn’t unwarranted. Look at how they’ve been acting. And it is irritating that it took this to have them wake up.

Riko finishes her plate. “I'll help out. Sometimes, though.”

Benio looks up at her with a smile on his face. He nods and mutters a thanks. Noa starts to get fussy again. “Baby boy, speak in a language I can understand, please.”

You fed him with what formula you had left, changed him, all of it. Speaking of formula…

“I'm out of milk and I need more. I'll talk to you guys later! And Benny,” You kiss his cheek, much to his shock. “If you want, I’ll beat her ass.”

“Ha, yeah. While you’re at it, get a gummy from Recovery Girl after she floors you.”

Up the stairs you feel a familiar presence. Izuku walks behind you with his books in his hand. He's looking down at the steps, not realizing you're there until he is two steps behind you.

He calls your name surprised. “Is that Noa? He's gotten so big!” He strolls up to you and coos at Noa. “May I?”

You hand Noa over to him and trade for his books. “You don't have to. I can do it.”

“You're carrying my grade. I'm not risking it.” The two of you walk to the support course. You suck on your teeth and head inside, hoping Mei Hatsume doesn't get on your fucking nerves. She's not a bad person, she's just a little much.

“Mei? Mei!” You call out. She rounds the corner with a big grin. “Midoriya!”

“Oh hell no, Mei. Me first. Don't touch him.” She whines and groans. “Why not! I haven't seen him in forever!”

“No. You haven't tested on him in forever. I need help first. Touch him later.”

“Do I get a say?” Izuku’s voice is quiet. “No.” You and Mei say in unison. She asks what you need, already working on another one of her “babies”.

“Formula, please.”

“Oh, that reminds me!” She goes to a small desk with a desktop computer. There are only papers next to it, no doohickeys or thingamabobs. It's unusual for her and her chaotic nature.

“I need to speed you up.”

“For what?” Mei continues to click the mouse then types on the keyboard. She answers, “Yeah, the care levels are looking good so we're moving it along.”

He's at four months already. Suddenly, in Izuku’s arms, Noa grows again. Izuku’s face is bright. “This is-!”

“My beautifully amazing baby!” Mei practically jumps. You stare in shock at how he's grown. “Did he grow in age, yet?”

“How do I check?” Izuku looks all around Noa. His large hand cradles his head gently as he searches.

“Izuku, I don't think you have to support his head anymore.” Izuku slightly lifts Noa up as if he wanted you to give him another look. “You sure? I mean, he’s so small.” Izuku tilts his head and his eyebrows drawn.

“Check his tummy!” Mei calls out as she starts to speed walk away. You turn to her and yell, “Wait! I still need some!”

She tosses the items to you. Izuku catches it right before it hits your face. Hatsume hasn’t charged you yet.

“Um, Mei? The total?” You dig in your bag and stop when Mei says, "On me this time.”

“W-why?”

She’s quiet this time. Not whispering or anything, but calmer.

“It was brave to stand up to Kaibara and the staff. So, I’ll take this one.” She turns to leave. Noa babbles and claws Izuku’s face. His delicate fingers pull on his freckled cheek. Izuku doesn’t seem to mind at all. You give a breathy laugh and scratch your head.

“Um, check his belly. It’ll say how old he is.”

He looks to you. “Can you hold him for a second while I take my jacket off?” You raise a brow but do it nonetheless. Izuku folds his jacket and places it on the desk. “Alright, I’m ready.”

You suck in your lips and try not to smile. He’s so gentle with Noa. Izuku finally sees his belly. “Four months.”

Disappointment and confusion settle in. What did she mean by speeding it up if the screen still says four months?

“But he’s grown…” Izuku shrugs and buttons him up. “That’s no worry! The fact he’s gotten a little bigger shows that it’ll happen soon.”

------

“Are you sure you don't want me to walk you?” His voice is shy. Borderline nervous. “Yeah, Izuku. It's alright. Thank you for holding him.”

He stares at you with a shine in his eyes. A smile is on his lips then he shakes his head and says, “It's no problem! I can help anytime!” There is a flush to his freckle cheek. Is this a medical condition? “Thanks,” You stare into his emerald eyes. “Sad that you're here more than Kaibara.”

His name is bitter on your tongue. Izuku raises a brow. “Is he still mad?”

You haven't talked to him since this started. Him and the rest of the course are bitter beyond belief. What did you expect? Of course he'd be mad. You were (are) mad but it's all real. You're scared, tired, and frustrated. Everything you said needed to be told. It isn’t your fault that the rest of the hero partners got in trouble for their own failures. Now, Kaibara is ignoring you all together.

“Do you have his number by chance?” You hold onto Izuku’s jacket and hold the door open for him as the two of you leave the support course’s lab.

“No, sorry. I only have a few from class B.”

Shit. You lick your lips slowly. You want to talk to him, to let him know about the report and for him to see Noa, to at least hold him. “I need to go to class.”

You set his books and jacket down on the floor to adjust your wrap that's been hanging loosely behind you. “Do you think he's old enough to be carried on my back?”

Izuku freezes. “I-is that safe?” He hangs onto Noa, rubbing his back. You chuckle at how he seems like a nervous new mother.

“Okay, I'll just do the front then.”

“Oh, thank God.” Noa babbles some more. Noa is more vocal and that'll increase as time goes on. You have to remember to practice with him.

Noa messes with Izuku’s hair again. You study him as he moves his focus from Izuku's hair to his face. Noa tugs on the hero's cheek. Izuku is close to you, and you don’t know what to do. You can feel his body heat and one step closer his heartbeat. He doesn't notice in the slightest or just doesn't care.

“You know, even if he is one of Mei’s babies, he’s adorable.” Izuku pokes Noa’s chubby cheek.

--------------

The day went by fast and the next is no better. By now, you’re walking into the cafeteria after catching Snipe after class.

You walk into the cafeteria after your short talk with Snipe. You didn't know to turn in your progress report, so you said that you’d give it to him at the end of the day. Unfortunately, it’s a partnered thing. So, given what happened with Kaibara, you thought he’d give you some leniency. Nope. Mr. Snipe is clearly pissed at how you talked to him when this whole thing came out. Finally, after a few seconds of scolding, you ducked out the door and rolled your eyes. You have had enough of heroes. And to be honest, you're mad at Snipe. When this assignment is done, you won't look at him or any of the other teachers the same.

You spot your friends at their usual table and notice that Yaomomo is heading over there, and she is actually holding Kobeni. Your jaw drops. Right when you walk over, Ema calls your name.

“Sit with us!” You find her with Kirishima and his crew, including Izuku who is animatedly talking to Kirishima. “I'm good.”

“Please!” You roll your eyes and say, “Fine. But I got to talk to you know who.”

“Oh…”

You search around and finally find him talking with Kendo who waved him goodbye. You head over to Kaibara and bite your lips nervously. This is the first time you’ve talked to him since you snitched. His eyes flicker to you and his face settles into a quick frown then changes his expression. It's amazing how fast he can do that.

“Kaibara, can we talk?” You want your voice to sound a lot stronger than what came out.

“Sure.” He guides you out of the large, student filled room. You notice the glances and maybe even venomous looks given. Whether it’s to you or Kaibara, they’re there. You wouldn’t be surprised if it is you that they hate. However, a lot of them aren’t hero students. So, why would anyone from the other courses have a grudge against you?

The two of you go out of the door and turn down the short hallway. At the end is another glass door that leads to the courtyard of the school, with luscious green grass and not a speck of litter in sight. He doesn’t hold the door open for you and Noa and you don’t expect him to. It’s quiet for a moment until he opens his mouth. “Are you having fun?”

“What?” There’s a heavy ball in your gut. He cocks his head to the right. “You must be. Everyone’s patting your back while my reputation gets shit on. I mean, you have to be pretty proud of yourself.”

You shake your head. “No, I’m not proud-”

“Yet you did it anyway? Did you forget that actions have consequences?”

You’re trying to hold your anger in since Noa is present. “Getting scolded was yours. What you did was deplorable, and you know it.”

He starts to laugh. You look around for a mirror to see if he's watching how much of a clown he is because this isn't funny.

“What’s so funny?”

“Ha, ha! Nothing, I just didn't expect a waitress to know that word." Your mouth drops. “First of all, customer service workers deserve respect, including me. So, let’s put that down. Second, now I know why you are so triflingly ugly. This fucking attitude. Third, the reason your reputation is getting shit on is because you deserve it.”

He rubs his face. “This is based on real life, right? Our future? My future?”

“Duh.”

“Then, you would ruin a future because of a disagreement?”

“Futu- disagreement? What the hell are you talking about? Explain.” God, if Noa was not in your arms...

“Everyone’s been giving me shit because of you. Including my mentor. By the way, he’s reconsidering my internship, so thanks for that. Because of your dramatics-”

“Un-explain.” He stops his rant to look at you. “You jeopardized our grade and are still doing it with you not participating! This is on you, not me.”

“You act like he’s real. Like he’s an actual human being who has to be watched all of the time. I left him alone and he was fine.”

Your nose flares as your anger begins to boil over. Suddenly, you stop when his words set in. “When you took care of him? He was alone?”

He claps his hands slowly. “Amazing how you remember that now but not when you were ruining m-”

“You left him alone?” You yell. Noa hasn't made a sound.

Kaibara steps closer. “He isn’t real. This is just a grade, and you decided it was best to ruin my future for a grade. And it isn’t even a major one.”

He left him alone. Is that why he’s stuck at four months old? Did Kaibara do something? He stops and gives a fake sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry I hurt you and scared Noa, truly. But what you did was worse. How is that fair?”

And he's calling you dramatic?

You take a deep breath and try to get your mind back to the original topic, so you don’t really go off. “Now who’s being dramatic? You got in trouble. Your license hasn’t been taken away, dumbass.”

You stop tapping your foot when Noa caresses your face. “We have those reports due at the end of every month. I have the majority of mine written down, so I’d like for us to get together and do them but in order for that to happen, we need to work together.”

He doesn’t say anything for a second. Finally, he gives you that smile again. “I want what’s best for Noa.”

“Me too. So, you with me?” You’re stiff when your gut instinct senses something's wrong. He’s hiding something. Even though you are dealing with him, you think of the original cause. All this is because of Endeavor and his family. Now here you are dealing with this jackass and his fake smile. Because of the Todoroki's you now have to look at this illegal circus in front of you.

You want to finish this project and get a good grade, not have to deal with this delinquent.

“If it’s going to clean my reputation, that’s just a bonus. My kid matters, you know? How about this weekend?”

“I can’t this weekend. How about Monday after school? We can hang out and work on this.” You’re biting the inside of your cheek, hoping he won’t realize that you work this weekend. Yeah, you can move stuff around for him. But you don’t want to deal with him right now.

“Sure. Monday.”

You promised Snipe you'd hand it in today, but he'll just have to settle for it to be on Monday. That's bothersome but right now, you want to take fifty showers.

Looking at Sen's passive face, you notice that there is a small hopeful wish inside you. A little flame that goes way back. Now, you think you might be giving it to your son with this one question that was asked once years ago.

“Do you want to hold him?”

Kaibara rolls his eyes. “I’ll see him Monday, won’t I?”

You leave and head back into the cafeteria without an appetite.

-----

Inside, you sit quietly while the others talk. Ema was curious about your behavior but didn't question it. She will most likely bombard you with questions later. Right now, you sit in silence as the friends talk over each other about God knows what. The noise is almost enough to snap you out of your daze.

That encounter with Kaibara just doesn’t sit right with you. There’s something lurking underneath that you can’t put your finger on exactly. It’s definitely shady, though. Suddenly, a shrill cry snaps you out of your daze.

“Why are you crying, cherub?” You prop him up. “Support his head!” Izuku brings his hand to the back of Noa’s head. You almost forgot that Izuku was sitting next to you. “He’s fine. I’m telling you, Mei just messed up. He has to be more than four months old, he doesn’t need his head propped up. Besides, he’s done it before.”

“Still, you need to-wait, you let him do that? ”

“He’s fine-” His eye twitches before you can get your full answer out.

“No, give ‘im. You’re making me worry!” Izuku literally grabs Noa and before he can support your baby’s head, you tease, “See, you aren’t even holding it.”

“Ah!”

Izuku scrambles to hold him. Noa laughs and kicks his feet. Kirishima and the rest of the table follow. It’s a blessing that he’s a happy baby. There are dolls that have colic or are just plain onery. Also known as, Mira, Sakura and Bakugou's baby girl.

“Midoriya, please. He’s fine. A lot of babies around that age can hold them up.”

“You sure? He’s so small…” Izuku makes faces at the baby who sticks his tongue out, mimicking Izuku. Ema looks at you with a grin you can’t place. “You look good with Noa, doesn’t he?”

Kirishima looks at her for a second. “Yeah! Midoriya, aren’t you having fun with (Y/n), sorry, I meant Noa.”

“I am!” Izuku focuses back on Noa. Then, Noa begins to cry in Izuku’s hold. You pick up Izuku’s chopsticks and gather some rice from his katsudon. “He’s too young!”

“Let’s just try it.” You place a little rice in Noa’s mouth. Since he is getting bigger, it doesn't hurt to try solids, right?

Izuku’s about to scold you again until Noa chirps happily. He kicks his little legs and giggles. Izuku’s thick finger presses against Noa’s chin to encourage Noa to open his mouth. "Chew, Noa!"

"Izuku, I swear he's fine." You give Noa a little bit of the egg in the katsudon. Flavorful dishes like this aren't generally recommended at his age, but a little won't hurt a robot baby, right? Noa opens his mouth wide for more food much to your amazement. Izuku decides to join in on the fun and hand feed him some more white rice. "I guess I should be feeding you both now, huh?"

"Slowly, and not all the time-"

"Izuku, I know!" You groan. He chuckles nervously, slightly embarrassed. You quickly take out a notepad and write this down. "For the report." You say when you notice Izuku's eyes on you. "Do you want help?"

"You're doing enough, that's fine." Izuku cautiously lifts his hand away from Noa's neck. You roll your eyes and huff. He's acting more like a first time mom than you are! Izuku then grabs his phone and keeps it on Noa. "Maybe a recording will help? This is a milestone, right?"

You stop writing and laugh. Going along with Izuku's weird and probably useless plan, you feed Noa and abandon your note taking. Ema's chin is on her hands. "Aw..."

Noa sees the plate of rice next to him and grabs a handful. It's cute how his chubby hands grab the rice, turning it into mush. He squeals in delight at the flavor. Izuku captures every second of Noa's newest milestone. Suddenly, ruining the adorable scene, a horrendous smell interrupts it. "Oh my God!"

You and Kirishima start to gag. Izuku curses and lifts Noa away from him. Ema coughs. "(Y/n), do something!"

“He’s full. I’ll be right back.” You grab him from Izuku. Ema rolls her watery eyes. "What tipped you off?"

"(Y/n), what the hell is wrong with Noa's ass?!" Kirishima fans in front of his nose. You huff and back away from the table, slightly offended despite the stench. Izuku shyly follows you.

“You sure you don’t need me?”

“I can change his diaper, hon.” You're not sure about this one, though.

“Ooh!” Ema starts clapping her hands with glee. You point to her and have pleading eyes for her to shut up. “Shut it, Ema. Don’t start.”

Ema remained unfazed. She waved at the two of you. “We’ll see you guys later! And Midoriya,” Izuku turns around. “Uh, Eijirō and I have to cancel the weekend.”

“We do?” Kirishima stops kissing Hana’s cheek. She has his eyes. Nose and up are him and below is definitely Ema. It’s amazing how these babies' faces are changing.

Ema elbows him. “I-I mean, yeah! We do! Ema and I have to work on our report and then we have Hana-you know, we’re absolutely swamped, ha, ha.” Kirishima's smile is as fake as Kaibara's heroics.

Izuku pauses then sucks on his lips. His round eyes get bigger. “R-right! Right! I’ll see you later.”

You bid them goodbye. To your side is Izuku who keeps up with your speed. “You know you don’t need to do this, right? I’m capable.”

“I know you are! You-you're amazing with Noa.” You bite your lips and look towards the ground. That has been something heavy on your heart from the start. Being a parent is one thing but being a good one is another. You struggle with this and see how everyone is better than you are. It's like all of them have more and do more. To have someone you just met say that you’re doing amazing despite your inadequacy has you feeling warm in a good way.

“Thank you, Izuku.”

In the general studies commons, you lay Noa down on the coffee table, not thinking to put a blanket or something underneath him. You had placed his diaper bag at the side of the couch where Izuku sits.

“Hand me-no, that one-the one right there!” Izuku searches the bag. He pulls out the diaper. “This?”

“Yes, thank you.” You roll your eyes and take the diaper. When you take his bottoms off, Noa gains this strange look on his face. Brushing it off, you ask Izuku, “Wanna learn?”

“Uh, sure. What side does it-” Izuku gestures to the diaper. Smiling, you begin, “Like this-”

Suddenly, right as you open Noa’s used diaper, the unthinkable happens. You scream bloody murder, as warmth hits your chest and shoulders. Izuku gasps then scrambles away. You jerk back away from the baby.

Noa, your own doll son, is peeing on you. You, his mother.

“Oh my God!” Izuku laughs and holds his phone out, recording your horror as you distance yourself from the stream by pressing yourself impossibly close to the couch. “Are-are you recording me?”

Seeing this, you grab Noa and hold him up to Izuku. The little bastard stops peeing. Izuku has tears in his eyes. You glare at Noa. “Are you kidding me?!”

Noa laughs, matching Izuku’s. “I can’t believe this disrespect!” You stomp your foot then make a disgusted noise when it begins to cool. “It’s cold!”

Izuku reaches for Noa, who stops laughing. “You go get cleaned up-”

“Noa, no!” Izuku shouts as Noa gives him the equal treatment. Noa stops and looks triumphant. “Ha!” You point.

Noa’s shirt is raised a little and on his tummy is eight months. Who knew that all he needed to do to grow up was pee on you?

_____________________________

Izuku’s a little wet from the shower. He rubs the top of his curls, causing them to shake and small droplets to fall. After Noa's pee parade, both of you decided to take showers. Thankfully, the baby was very calm when you decided to bathe with him, not once screaming when the water touched him. Maybe Noa's growth will stop the tears a little.

“I have to get him bigger sizes. Look at him!” Your poor chunky baby is busting out of his clothes. His diaper barely fits, and you just got this size. Shit, shit, shit. "I have to go to Hatsume first then-"

“I’ll go to Hatsume, you go find something to put Noa in for the time being. Afterwards, we'll go to that little store around the corner." You bite your cheek for a second. "If you want to come with me then know that you'll be doing some heavy lifting."

He perks up. “It’d be great for training.” Before he goes you reach for your bag. "Here, if I remember right the diapers should cost the same no matter the size-" You turn to find him gone. You should be happy, grateful, maybe even flattered. Yet here you sit with this terrible feeling of embarrassment.

You put Noa on your hip and smack your cheek. Now is not the time for self-pity or whatever. Now is the time to get the little man into something presentable. In your room, you search around. His stash of clothing is so small compared to him now. You sigh and go through your own clothes. He'll just have to settle for one of your tops. He squeals and reaches for you after you put it on him.

"You excited, mini man?" You ask as you are in the elevator. Noa claps and tries to talk the entire time, having a full-blown conversation. The door opens and you see Izuku waiting for you in your dorm's commons. In his hands are several packs of Hatsume's diapers. The doors threaten to close on you since you haven't moved.

Izuku comes up to you and stops the elevator doors from closing. "Are you okay?" He puts his hand against your forehead. "Your temperature's fine-"

"I-I'm fine," You blink several times. "Positive. Let's roll." He looks at you skeptically. You grab a diaper from him and walk past, not wanting him to question it further.

Izuku has a bit more pep in his step as the two of you walk through the campus side by side. You pass people who are heading towards the main building. Every person around stares at him in awe. The many eyes are nerve wracking and overall annoying. Rather than bringing it to his attention, you let it slide and walk faster.

The two of you walk into the same shop you went to with Kaibara. The employee immediately recognizes you. Apparently, she recognizes Izuku just as well. In an instant, she trips over to introduce herself. “Thank you for everyth-”

When she grabs his arm, you feel something tingly, something that would be bitter if you could taste it. “That’s enough. Izuku, come with me.” You grab his hand and lead him away. It’s, um, not subtle. Worst of all, you don’t know why this is. Why did you become jealous? You’re not so naive to be ignorant to what jealousy is. Not when you’re so familiar with it.

You pull out a list of things the little turd needs. “Shirts, pants, shoes, literally everything.” Izuku takes him out of your wrap. Smiling, he says, “And a carrier. This can’t be good for you to wear all the time.”

Before you can defend it, he adds, “We'll get bigger sizes so he can grow into them.” He bounces the baby. You are about to tell him he doesn’t like to be bounced when you realize that Noa isn’t crying. That he has only cried with Izuku once.

Your eyes twitch and nostrils flare. “You’re right.”

You’ll handle that later. Then, you see it. He isn’t a full-fledged hero yet. He’s still interning and is just now getting back on his feet. Yet this is an opportunity that you can't pass up. “How about this?”

You hold up a green jacket with long stems at the hood, resembling bunny ears. It’s Deku merchandise. Along with it are other ones, too. A Uravity helmet, gloves that look like Dynamight’s with grenade print at the wrists, there are Ingenium’s shoes. All over are merchandise for kids in honor of heroes that fought in the wars. There are scarves that resemble Aizawa and that one tired kid's ropes and a Lemillion blanket that matches his red cape with his symbol in the corner.

His breath hitches. You place the jacket in the cart. “It’d be cute-are you okay?”

His eyes are watery as he looks at the cloth. He leans in and excitedly declares, “We’ll get everyone’s! I’ll pay for it myself!” Your eyes are wide at how passionate he is about this. “Um…okay?”

Now, Noa is in his Deku jacket and Ingenium shoes that are a little bigger than what he can actually wear right now. Izuku’s eyes are down to the sidewalk. Noa rests in his arms, not yet in the carrier, and points to everything that catches his attention. Izuku’s behavior changed once he saw the merchandise. He paid for them like he said he would. Is that the reason for the difference? After dealing with Kaibara, the correct thing to do is ask.

“Are you bothered about paying?” Blunt and to the point. Izuku blinks then asks, “No, why?”

“You’re acting weird so I just thought…” You shrug and let the sentence trail off. “I’m happy to do it. I’m happy for everyone and can’t wait to show them. It’s more of my things that I feel off about.”

Before you can ask why, he changes the topic. “He does look cute, right?” Noa smiles and pulls on Izuku’s hair. “Yeah, yeah, cute as can be.”

You adjust the bags and continue to walk. “Let me.” He takes the bags from you. “W-hold on you got Noa.”

Somehow, he takes the numerous bags from you and hands you Noa with ease. It’s probably the training he does or something because you are clumsy compared to him.

You sigh and shake your head. “You know you don’t have to do this, right?”

“I want to! I really like y-uh, Noa! He’s adorable. He’s the cutest baby I’ve ever seen.” Your face begins to warm not only because he thinks Noa is cute, but that Noa looks like you. A fact pops in your head cooling you down. “He’s not really a baby, though.”

“Still a cutie.” He takes a better look at Noa. “Looks just like you. I don’t see Kaibara at all.”

“Really? I see it in the nose a little bit.”

“Mm, nah. See,” He delicately traces his finger along the little mound. Noa sneezes anyway and smiles. “That right there is you. You both have a cute nose.”

Your nose is something you never thought was cute. But the weird unintentional comment makes you feel…flattered? Amazing? Pretty? It’s such a weird feeling that you've never felt before or at least haven't in a while. You feel like shrieking for some reason. Why? You've just met this guy and only know him through a friend of a friend. Nevertheless, his adoration of Noa and your nose makes you feel good.

You hold the door open for him to enter inside your dorms. You can't help but feel that you forgot something now that you're inside the campus.

“Ah, do you have anything to do this weekend?” You turn to Izuku who looks absolutely in pain. “Um, yeah? But only for a bit.”

“O-oh. Never-never mind then!” He retreats and puts the bags gently on the floor. Even from his side profile you can see the disappointment hidden behind those bright eyes of his. “I can make room, of course. Why’d you ask?”

“Well, um, I would like to spend some time with you, if that’s alright. But if you’re with Kaibara , then I don’t want to intrude.” He rubs the back of his neck and doesn’t make eye contact with you. You hear him mutter something about plans and how you don’t have to feel obligated. That’s all you catch with his muttering.

“S-sorry! I know that freaks-”

“I don’t mind, I like it. I think it’s endearing.” He gives a little gasp with a widening smile. “I-In that case, um, thanks. You’re the first one.”

You can’t help but smile. “What do you have in mind, anyway?”

“Ha, well, there's this restaurant I’ve been wanting to try-you don't have to by the way! I just know they also have some food that I think Noa’ll like!”

“Sure.”

“You probably have so much going on, this was dumb I’m-wait, what?” Izuku sputters, shocked that you agreed.

“I’ll go. But it’ll have to be before ten.”

“Of course, the curfew is at nine!”

“I mean, I have to be asleep by then.” He plays with Noa’s peach fuzz for hair. “Is it Noa’s schedule?”

“No, my own. I trained myself that way because of my quirk."

He perks up and gets close, sitting on the couch next to you. You move the many bags out of his way. “What’s your quirk? How does it wor-” Ah, you heard from Ema a while back that he was not only a hero fanatic, but a quirk nerd. He has notebooks dedicated to them.

“Uh, it has to do with dreams. It isn't the best.”

His real quirk has to be something with conjuring because this notepad came out of nowhere. Where the hell did he keep it? How deep are his pockets? He opens it and finds a page deep in the middle. “Tell me more, please? I’d love-”

Noa is on the floor next to you, bringing out his favorite toys from his diaper bag on his own. Izuku continues his rapid fire of questions. You decide to go with the first one. “I don't remember the name because I never cared to do anything with it. It has to do with dreams."

He writes fast. “How?” This is like an interview. You pray you're not sweating too bad. “I don't know if I could actually bring, like, a dream of Bikini Bottom-"

“What?”

“I couldn't think of anything!” You're failing this interview. You could have said anything else. Maybe if you weren't such a dumbass and actually paid attention to it, you could explain it better.

“Sorry, sorry. Continue, please. It’s been so long since someone's let me do this.”

You nod and say, "I never tested it to see how far it can go. What I do know is that I can't change one."

Noa hits your foot with his block. You put it on top of his head. "I know for a fact that I won't be able to save you from a nightmare, but I can hold your hand, type of thing." You wave your hand dismissively, not really caring about quirks in the first place. Since no one is allowed to use them, then why are they important?

“I think it'd be harder for me to do anything to another person than for me to use my own, though. So, if I dreamed of Bikini Bottom," You scratch your cheek. "Then I can show you? Maybe I could bring you there or something."

“So, controlling dreams?”

“No. I can't control dreams; I don't know if I can even create them. I honestly never looked into it. Quirks have never been a big part of my life." Izuku stops and stares at you. “Don’t worry, though! I never let my quirk get out of control. I take medicine at night to stop it.”

He looks at you with a curious and what you could swear is cautious, face. There’s a clawing feeling that reaches from your stomach to your throat. You shake your head, not wanting him to feel that you would violate him by entering his dreams or something. “It’s not the best-”

“I think it’s wonderful. I bet it’s beautiful," No one has ever said that. Then again, you've never really talked about it either. “Have you tried training it?”

You give a small 'no'. Izuku smiles a little and plays with one of his curls. “Since the Sports Festival is coming up and I’ll be busy with it, would you like to trai-”

The bell rings cutting him off. That's what you forgot. You've been here so long with him, you totally forgot about school. In fact, school is over. The two of you missed half of the school day. You jump up and go to grab Noa who has decided that he must defeat another milestone.

“Go baby, go!” You cheer Noa on as he crawls towards your sneakers. “Oh, oh, oh, hold on! Hold-” Izuku fumbles with his phone to record it.

______________________________________

Early Saturday, you called your boss for a change of schedule so you could be with Izuku. You even promised to work all day and night on Sunday. She said no. And when you told her the reason, she looked like the Grinch.

“Um, I know you wanted to go to that restaurant but how about another? I know a place with somewhat good food and good prices.”

“Yeah?” He puts Noa in the carrier and picks it up along with the diaper bag with All Might on it. When the first one you bought broke, Izuku insisted on getting one for you. Of course, it had to be one with All Might's face on it.

“I gotta warn you, the food is subpar at best, and the floors are sticky, and the service is horrendous.” He tries not to laugh. “If you like it, then it must be something.” Despite him having his hands full, he opens the door for you.

The devil stands at the register. “Oh hello, there! Such a beautiful couple. And who is this cutie?” You are literally shaking. Izuku messes with his curls and doesn’t correct her. “This is Noa. Say hi, bud.” Noa looks up at her and reaches for the devil who just happens to be your boss.

“Sorry, we’re still working on him talking.”

She looks at him and gives a kind smile. One that isn’t devious or fake. It’s just kind. You still don’t trust it though. “I bet you’re doing great,” Like you predicted, it turns into a smirk.

“Hey, what word are you trying to get him to say?” Before Izuku can answer, you say, “Retirement home.”

She freezes. Her kids and you have an ongoing joke about admitting her when she gets old and even more senile. Ken has even joined in on the fun.

Izuku raises a brow. “I was thinking mama…”

Yona recovers. “Oh, come on, with a man like you by her side? I bet he says dada first!”

“I’m still voting for retirement home. It has such a nice ring to it. When I hear it, I think of that little government funded one. It doesn’t have a shuffleboard or filet mignon, but at least there are beds. I bet he could also say funeral home.”

She stops then and gives a glare. “Let’s find you a table.”

Izuku leans into your ear. “Do you know each other?”

Shit. “Ah, yeah. I come here quite a bit.” He nods at your explanation. The two of you are seated right in the middle, no doubt a deliberate seating since it is in perfect line with her and Ken’s nosy asses.

“I’ll leave these to you.” She sets menus down. Noa is sitting in his highchair, wiping it with his hand. This is not the first time he’s been here, clearly. Yona cocks her head as she studies Noa. “He’s got a good shaped head.”

“What?” Izuku takes a drink of the water Yona poured in his green class. You don't blame him for being confused. It's a random ass thing to bring up. “I’m just saying. You two did good at shaping his head.”

You rub your face. “Thank you, ma’am. I already know wha-”

“I bet he gets it from you hon. What’s your name, again?” She places her hand on the back of Izuku’s chair. “Izuku Midoriya.”

“That name sounds familiar. Anyway, he must’ve got your head because hers is annoying looking.”

Bitch. Your head is perfect. It is the best shaped head in the universe and how dare she question that. Besides, shaping Noa's was a chore since he felt the need to lay on one side. Thankfully, it isn’t misshapen like Hana’s.

“You know what? He actually looks like-”

“I know what I want, ma’am!” You will haunt her dreams. Yona huffs and asks the bewildered Izuku what he’d like. He watches the two of you. “I’ll have the same as her.”

“Ah, and the cook would-”

“Tell him, block 5 for me please.” Ken will get the hint of his prison stunt. Yona purses her lips and walks away. Izuku leans in. “Are you sure you don’t know them?”

“Positive. I just come here a lot.” Izuku takes in his surroundings. “It is quite homey. Like a mom and pop’s shop.”

“Hopefully the awful food doesn’t chase you away.” Noa cries and tugs his ear. You hope he’s just sleepy and it’s not an ear infection that’s been going around. If so, you’re in trouble. For some reason, Hatsume decided that viruses and crap should be added to the project. Well, it was either her or the heroes. “Here, let me.”

Izuku cradles him and gives him kisses. Noa wails and messes with his ears. “(Y/n), he isn’t sleepy, what-”

“Ear infection is my guess. Mei should have something for it,” You call out, “Yona, we need it to go! I’m gonna take Noa back.”

“Shouldn’t we pay?” Izuku gets up, bouncing Noa in an attempt to calm him. “Nah, it’s fine.” You don’t notice the suspicious look on his face.

__________________________

It’s June now, and Noa is still eight months old. Compared to his newborn phase, this is a little easier. Not by much since he is a curious little beastie who likes crawling and getting into things. And of course, you forgot that babies teethe. The dreaded shrill screams that he has every once in a while, makes you want to reach for the bottle of alcohol for yourself rather than put it on his gums. To stop that, fucking Deku made sure to get Noa Mei's cream for it.

“You’ve grown so much, little one.” Noa babbles in response. Lately, he has been vocal and clearly trying to speak. “Yeah?”

He responds in his usual way. “What’s your first word gonna be? Mama? Eh? Ma-ma.”

He ‘blahs’ in response. “Close, I guess.” You pop a boh-boh back in his mouth and set him down on the floor. He immediately crawls around and gets into your bag. “Hey, hey!”

You take a pencil away from him, causing him to huff in protest. His disappointment doesn’t last long as he speedily crawls away towards your shoes. Lately, Noa is deciding that your shoes are priceless entertainment.

The Sports Festival is coming up and the hero course is busier than ever and bursting with excitement. This is the first one since the wars. They canceled last year for obvious reasons and there was a debate if they should continue them at all. The majority vote went to the tradition continuing.

Izuku has been tough to get a hold of which sucks because Noa does not like that. He needs his buddy, apparently. You decide to text him.

“Does this seem okay? ‘Hi, Izuku. I would like to hang out with you again sometime soon. It’s okay if you don’t want to.’”

Noa just looks up at you. “Yeah, sounds very,” You struggle to come up with a word. Noa seems to get it quicker than you do with his, “Ba.”

“Stiff. Yep, that’s the word.” You type some more with Noa crawling onto your lap looking down at the screen. “How about this? ‘Do you want to hang out sometime?’ ”

Noa hums then blows a bubble. “You’re right, that’s fine.” You hit send with your face warm. You whisper, “I just asked out a boy. Oh my God.”

Izuku has been around you a lot but you’ve never asked him out. No, you still didn’t! This isn’t a romantic thing. It’s about Noa and his attachment to him! It’s not like it’s a date. When he took you out to eat at the restaurant it wasn’t a date either since Noa got an ear infection, so it was cut short.

You smack your forehead repeatedly. “Stupid teenage hormones!” That has to be it.

Your phone vibrates in your hand. Noa touches the phone, his drool getting on the screen. You wipe it off and read what Izuku sent you.

I’d love to! How about Friday?

Stupid teenage hormones. The phone vibrates again.

Will you cheer me on during the festival?

You answer, Noa and I both will.

You didn’t originally want to go but now you’re a little excited to watch. Stupid teenage hormones.

_______

Izuku invites you to watch him train instead of going out to what was not a romantic outing. You go, not really knowing what to expect. Him doing pushups or something? That’s wiped out when you open the heavy metal door and enter the large room.

You didn't realize when he said train, he meant train. The students of Class A soar through the air. Flames and rocks fly around as debris crushes buildings. Suddenly, you spot familiar green hair in the air with his leg ready. He isn't wearing his suit yet still displays great power. You don't know the name of who is coming at him but one kick from Izuku sends the guy down after hearing a crunch from his body.

Of course, your doll son is entertained and kicks his own legs. He reaches his hands out and squeals when Izuku comes down to land on the cliff, making it crack underneath him. You don't know how he's able to do it, thick thighs or not. He turns his head when he hears a baby’s laugh. “(Y/n)-ah, Noa!” He jumps down and runs to you.

Noa’s back is against your chest and your arm underneath his legs. Izuku sees this. “Uh, here, like this.”

He readjusts to set him on your hip. You glare at him. “He was fine.”

After sighing at his picking, you say, “You were pretty amazing.” From what you saw, at least. “It’s unfortunate you hang out with trash, though.”

“(Y/n).” He says with a pointed stare. Noa reaches for him with a big smile on his face. Izuku grabs and holds him. Izuku gives Noa a big kiss. “I missed you! Didn’t think you’d remember me, honestly.”

“You talked to him all the time.”

“Not as much as I should, though. Sorry about that, Noa.” Noa presses his face against Izuku’s chest. It’s a sweet scene. There’s no way Kaibara would do this. He barely participated with the report, and he didn’t even look at Noa.

Izuku gasps, knocking you out of your thoughts. He cheers and even congratulates your doll son for growing in length. And if you were crazy, you’d swear his eyes got a little rounder and his face shape, although still adorned with chubby cheeks, doesn’t match you or Kaibara’s. They’re Izuku’s. Noa has your eye color and nose, what may be your lips and Izuku’s chin. Does he see it or are you crazy?

Before he can say anything, the electric guy comes up. “I didn't know you were doing it! He’s so cute!” The blond pokes Noa’s cheek. Looking at him you are reminded of Jule. He’s doing alright now but he still struggles. When this first started, you remember he had thrown up because of the stress. His partner, the electric guy, wasn't and isn't helping. Your tongue is loose on its own accord. “You know who else is cute?”

He raises a brow and tries, keyword tries, to act suave. “Certainly you. My name is Denki Kaminari-”

“Your child. You’d know that if any of you actually did something. Do you even know the name? How about your partner’s?”

The class became quiet. Kaminari’s eyes waver a bit. A person stops their quirk in the middle of using it. You can't stand them. Them breathing the same air as you makes you sick. “Wanting to be a hero yet can’t take responsibility after pushing your grade us-no, hey!” Izuku tries to usher you out. You continue your rant about Kaminari's lack of effort in the project.

"Your partner's name is-stop it! Hey!"

Izuku carries Noa in one hand and you in the other. He doesn't say anything. Aizawa follows and calls Snipe who is groaning. Izuku manages to take you out of the training room and into a hall around the corner. His silence and tension bother you.

Are you going to apologize? Hell no.

Snipe comes at you at a fast pace. Izuku has yet to let you go. “(Y/n) (L/n), in here. Now.”

You snatch Noa and go inside the empty room right behind you. Snipe points his finger at you. “This is it. I have had it with your disrespectful, insubordinate, attitude. Look, I understand you’re angry. Everyone has been there. (Y/n), you can’t take your wrath out on everyone else.”

“Then who? Who can I take it out on? This is all unfair. So tell me, when and how can I be angry while they can sleep at night with no remorse? With no burden?”

“They have them. They’re just more mature than you.”

“They’re old. You have put this on young people. They, you, have been disrespectful. Everyone kisses your ass while the people whose hearts you swore to protect get crushed constantly. Tell me,” Your voice shakes. “How does this project help us? Not them. But us? Because they're out there living their best life while we are the ones to suffer for what seems like nothing.”

Snipe says nothing. “All I did was bring it up. Why is that so wrong?”

He takes off his mask for the first time. “It’s teaching both of you. They’ve grown up in a way you didn't, and will not, have to. You have faced the effects of war which you shouldn’t have in ways they never faced. Now it is time to raise you both in a way that prevents that. An opportunity to bond and grow together.”

You rub your eyes. “Answer me! How can I take out my anger then while they get off of everything ? We apparently have a test today-”

“Which you are missing!”

“So bent on them. Damn, man! When are you going to start being a hero?”

“I am-”

“Being our hero? I’m tired, Snipe. I’m sick of getting in trouble for nothing and I didn’t even get to study for this dumb test. Did any of us? Bet they did!” You point to the door. You immediately left and pushed Aizawa away from you since he was in the way.

You’re sitting on the bench outside of the school with your head in your hands. The breeze slightly cools your face.

Desperately, you want to excel. In this project, life, and this school. You want to be a good student and person. You’re so tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Everything is so heavy. Noa’s sleeping better, just not enough. He’s easier to handle to an extent. Not to the point where you can go to class and do your work. Yeah, you skipped. What’s the point of going, though? Snipe yells at you when he’s too loud and everyone glares at you when it starts a chain reaction.

You can’t focus. You can’t sleep. You try to work hard in school and work harder at the restaurant. How can you get rest when you don't have time to?

The scholarship covers the tuition, the dorm, and Recovery Girl's and Lunch Rush services. And with Lunch Rush you have a limited amount, just like a public school. If you go over, you have to pay. And what about everything else you need? Add all of that with Noa's expenses, you're drained. Plus, if anything happens to him, no doubt would that come out of your pocket.

Caring for Noa is exhausting. He's a good kid, totally! You also have experience with children. You've babysat before. However, taking care of a child on your own is very different, especially when the father disregards you and hurts you. The hero students don’t have to worry about this. Seeing them living and laughing just makes you so angry.

Your body feels so heavy. The salty water slides down your face and onto the sidewalk. Your nose runs embarrassingly as you sway from the weight. Noa coughs and sniffles. It snaps you up and grab him. “Hey, little man.”

You try to rub your face. He doesn’t understand, he’s a doll which causes an ache in your chest. This has gone on too long. He feels so real. And you are crying too much, feeling way too much. Seeing the future heroes happy and content just hurt you so, so, much. Snipe, your teacher, is hurting you too. It's stupid, right? You know what to expect from heroes by now.

Feeling the chill again, you decide to get up to bring him inside. Can he catch a cold? Suddenly, a hand touches your back. You jump and face them. Izuku stands there without an expression. You’re so tired. You don’t have the energy to say something snappy if need be.

Instead of going for it, he hugs you, being careful with Noa. The doll baby snuggles up to him. Izuku places his hand on the back of your head holding you close. You don’t know him well enough to be like this. You let it happen anyway. He’s warm and smells good despite his training about an hour ago.

“It’s going to be okay, (Y/n).” Your lips wobble. You're sick of that. “I know we don't know each other very well but I thought you’d need it.”

He speaks again. “Snipe said you made a point and are letting all of you redo the test. I guess not everyone got to study,”

Is that supposed to make you feel better? It took for you to run out here and cry for him to notice he is doing all of you wrong? It’s humiliating and dramatic, isn’t it? There are literally people dying and here you are crying and making your teacher feel bad.

“So, I’ll help you, okay? Tonight, we can have dinner in the commons and do it together.” He rubs your back. This is so embarrassing. You want to scream at him, kick him, anything. You want to burn this school down with the heroes in it. Maybe even the dolls, too.

Izuku declares, “I’m right here.” Like it’s the most natural thing to him. Right then, Noa's tummy dings to show he is one years old. You hate how his first year is seeing you cry.

---

Tag:

@js-favnanadoongi

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howlsofbloodhounds · 2 months ago

Text

The Effects of his Captivity:

I’m yapping as I go so things might be repeated and disjointed sjsheoeb

The effects of solitary confinement for 17–20 years, compounded by erasure from existence, being forgotten by loved ones, and surviving only due to the power of six human souls, would likely devastate Color on every level—physically, mentally, and emotionally.

The scar from the human’s killing blow and the busted skull would constantly remind him of his defeat and the cost of his decision.

The scar across Color’s chest, combined with a busted skull and the fact that his body is only held together by the souls of the fallen children, would cause constant, likely debilitating pain.

The pain would not only be physical but might also affect his nervous system, creating a sense of heightened sensitivity, numbness, or confusion in certain areas of his body.

The missing eye socket and the physical instability caused by the six souls could result in constant discomfort, with his body held together by an unnatural force.

The loss of one eye results in limited vision, leading to disorientation or an inability to perceive his environment fully. His reliance on other senses might have intensified during his long isolation.

Though his body remains animated through the human souls, the sustained trauma would lead to deterioration in his physical form. Despite being “alive,” his body could be slowly degrading, leading to a weakened, frail state, susceptible to further injury or collapse if the soul power fades.

Without natural healing mechanisms, he feels fragile and unstable, living with the fear that even a minor incident could cause him to dust.

Isolation and lack of physical activity would lead to a decline in motor skills. Even with the souls sustaining him, his body would feel awkward or disconnected from his movements due to the prolonged lack of practice.

Being erased and forgotten would create a sense of identity erosion. He would question his own existence, asking, “Am I even real if no one remembers me?”

The replacement by Undyne would deepen this feeling, leaving him with thoughts of worthlessness or expendability. Being erased from existence and replaced as his brother’s sibling could shatter Color’s sense of self.

He might feel like a hollow shell, disconnected from his past, his identity, and even from the idea of family. This loss of identity could lead to deep confusion and a constant struggle to find meaning or purpose in his existence.

Prolonged isolation often leads to hallucinations, disorganized thoughts, and paranoia.

With only Gaster for company, the lack of meaningful interaction and emotional support would likely exacerbate feelings of detachment from reality.

With no one to communicate with besides Gaster, Color would experience intense loneliness. The human need for social connection becomes exaggerated, possibly leading to an almost desperate mental state.

His mind becomes fragmented, with periods of dissociation or even delusions where he might question his own existence, identity, or even whether he truly deserves connection.

He may mentally replay the moment of his decision to sacrifice himself and the souls, analyzing it endlessly and second-guessing if it was the right choice. This fixation could lead to rumination, spiraling into depression and self-blame.

While in solitary confinement, Color’s mind would likely sharpen its focus on survival. This could manifest in an almost obsessive attention to maintaining his existence, perhaps in unhealthy ways like fixation on the six souls that keep him alive or obsessive thoughts about what could have been.

His mental state would likely shift from coping mechanisms to raw, desperate survival instincts as time passes.

The combination of isolation, guilt over his past actions, and the fear of fading into nothingness could cause Color to experience significant paranoia. He might fear being forgotten again, rejected by any potential new connections, or being discarded once again.

This paranoia could cause him to avoid making meaningful bonds, driven by the constant anxiety that no one would ever remember or care for him.

Knowing the six souls are tied to his existence, he feels profound guilt over using their power to remain animated, questioning whether his survival is justified.

The choice to sacrifice himself and the six children to save his timeline would weigh heavily on Color’s psyche. The emotional burden of having made that decision—likely seen as a selfish act, despite its altruistic intent—could plague him with guilt, making it difficult to reconcile his actions with his current state of existence.

The scar, both physical and symbolic, would constantly remind him of the lives lost and his perceived failure.

With no outlet for his feelings, Color could harbor intense anger, not only at the people who forgot him but also at the world that allowed him to fall into such a fate.

This anger might turn inward, manifesting as self-loathing or projection of his frustration onto Gaster or even his past self. He could experience periods of violent outbursts, fueled by the intense emotional overload.

The most defining emotional toll would be a profound feeling of abandonment. Color would be haunted by the belief that no one cares about him anymore, having been forsaken not only by his family but by the very timeline that once needed him.

This abandonment would likely result in a deep sadness and longing for connection, especially with those he once loved. He wonders if he is fundamentally unlovable or unworthy of remembrance.

This loneliness could manifest in a desperate need for validation once freed, making him overly dependent on relationships (e.g., Killer, Delta, Epic, potentially Abyss, Gaster especially.)

Being forgotten by his loved ones, replaced as an older sibling, and erased from existence leave him grieving not just for his relationships but for his very sense of self.

He may also mourn the timeline he tried to save, feeling like his sacrifice was in vain if it resulted in this outcome.

He could harbor anger toward the human for putting him in this position, toward Gaster for not being more helpful in the Void, and even toward himself for making the choice to sacrifice himself.

This anger could fuel a determination to prove his worth or, conversely, lead to a sense of bitterness and hopelessness.

In the face of overwhelming despair, Color might latch onto a mission or role (e.g., helping people, trying to rebuild his identity) to feel meaningful again. His fear of being forgotten may make him try to be indispensable to others, risking burnout or exploitation.

After escaping the Void, Color developed an intense fear of being alone again, leading to overattachment to those who show him kindness, like potentially Delta, Epic, etc. He goes to extreme lengths to stay connected, even if it puts him in harm’s way.

The scar, the damaged skull, and the missing eye feel like visible reminders of his failure. He struggles with feeling grotesque or unworthy of acceptance.

his own suffering make him highly empathetic toward others in pain, particularly those who feel abandoned or forgotten, like Killer. This shared understanding make him a deeply loyal and supportive ally.

The lingering guilt and despair may cause him to devalue his own life, making him reckless in dangerous situations. He might see his survival as unearned and act with disregard for his safety.

The isolation, paired with the trauma of being forgotten, erased, and replaced, likely resulted in Color being emotionally fragile, mentally fractured, and physically deteriorating.

It’s also worth taking into account if Color remembers everything about Gaster again or not, considering that Gaster fell into the Core (was implied to have jumped) and shattered, being forgotten (but not replaced like Color was) by everyone, meaning Sans may not have known completely who Gaster was when he first fell in.

This could result in intense identity confusion and disorientation, because Color holds two dual memories; one where Gaster was present, and one where he wasn’t and didn’t exist.

This could even lead to moments of intense confusion, anger, and fear when one moment he’s talking to Gaster but the next day he’s being comforted and hel by a complete stranger he can’t remember the name of.

His identity felt like something slipping away, with his desperate need for connection turning into a hollow, burning desire. These long years shape him into someone who is deeply mistrustful of others, fearful of being abandoned again, and increasingly haunted by his past mistakes when he finally leaves the Void and perhaps his own timeline.

Prolonged isolation can lead to auditory/visual hallucinations, particularly if Color’s mind tries to fill the void of human interaction. He might perceive the voices of the six souls or even imagine people from his past trying to reach out to him.

The blurred line between reality and memory could lead to moments of psychosis, where Color struggles to trust his own perceptions.

Given that in the caring short, color was all too willing to accept the possibility that he might’ve been seeing and hearing things and gaster is concerned that color was “talking to someone”—makes me think it’s really not a stretch to think that Color likely experienced periods of psychosis in the Void. Seeing and hearing things that aren’t there, feeling things.

I’m thinking the Human, the six human souls, probably Papyrus. If he is aware of what’s going on outside the Void, he possibly hallucinates Ivory/Undyne. he maybe hallucinates stuff about Gaster too, saying and doing things Gaster didn’t actually do.

he could also hallucinate that he’s dusting, cracking and dying, since it appears he probably would’ve died if the souls hadn’t kept him alive (and then later Gaster.)

Would also make sense if he’s hallucinated things like Undyne deliberately and knowingly replacing him, resulting in emotional anger, betrayal, hurt, jealousy—even if he logically knows the things he saw and heard weren’t real, and that Undyne doesn’t even know who he is anymore, he struggles to accept and realize it emotionally.

Without consistent access to nourishment (magical or otherwise), Color’s body might develop long-term issues like fatigue, atrophy, or brittle bones, especially if his skeletal structure is already prone to fragility.

Since Color has only one functioning eye, the prolonged isolation and lack of resources would worsen issues like eye strain or headaches, especially if he spent significant time in the dark or staring at the infinite void.

Lack of movement and injuries from past experiences (like scars from battles or trauma) could lead to persistent joint or nerve pain. The stress of isolation might also amplify his perception of physical pain.

The Void’s timeless nature likely eliminates a natural day-night cycle, leading to chronic insomnia or fragmented sleep. This, combined with emotional stress, could result in long-term physical exhaustion and cognitive impairment.

Being erased from existence and forgotten by everyone he cared about would challenge Color’s sense of self, potentially leading to derealization (“Is this real?”) and depersonalization (“Am I real?”).

His fragmented sense of identity, already influenced by the six souls, would likely worsen as he struggles to distinguish himself from the traits and voices of the absorbed souls, if he can hear them.

The lack of stimulation in the Void might cause memory issues, difficulty concentrating, and slowed processing speeds. He could struggle to focus or retain new information, especially after being released.

Being forgotten by everyone would reinforce a sense of worthlessness, as if his existence didn’t matter. At his worst and lowest moments, this could lead to chronic self-doubt, difficulty asserting himself, and a tendency to self-sabotage, believing he doesn’t deserve to be remembered or loved.

Being trapped in the Void with Gaster might lead Color to view existence as fragile and easily erased. He could develop an obsession with permanence, fearing that any connection or achievement could be erased just as easily as his past.

The loss of his family, friends, and timeline created a devastating sense of isolation, leaving Color craving connection while also fearing abandonment.

This might result in a desperate need to form bonds once freed, even if those bonds are unhealthy. Difficulty trusting others, as he fears they might leave or forget him again.

Knowing someone else, Undyne, took his place in his family create deep insecurities. He fears that even if he reconnects with Papyus, he won’t need or want him back. This could manifest as a reluctance to reach out to people he once cared about.

Clinging to anyone who shows him kindness, even at the expense of his own well-being. Overcompensating to prove his worth, becoming overly self-sacrificial in relationships.

While Color may not initially recognize it, he could harbor deep resentment toward his family for forgetting him, even though it wasn’t their fault. Toward the universe or fate for placing him in the Void and taking away his life. Toward Gaster for being his only companion but unable to provide meaningful connection.

Color would likely cling to memories of his timeline, romanticizing his past relationships and home. However, these memories might also bring deep pain, as they highlight everything he’s lost.

With Gaster his only companion, Color likely formed a complex bond with him, oscillating between gratitude for his presence and anger at being trapped with him.

Gaster’s cryptic nature frustrates Color, making him feel even more isolated, as Gaster does not fully understand or validate his emotions.

If Gaster provided guidance, Color might cling to him as a surrogate figure of authority, even if the relationship was unequal or strained.

Alternatively, Gaster’s enigmatic personality could exacerbate Color’s paranoia, making him question Gaster’s intentions or reliability.

After escaping, Color might constantly watch for signs that people are about to abandon or forget him again, leading to heightened anxiety and paranoia. He might try to make himself indispensable to others, fearing that if he isn’t needed, he’ll be forgotten.

While Color craves connection, he might avoid deep relationships at first, believing they’ll only end in rejection or loss. Guilt and feelings of unworthiness might lead him to push people away or avoid opportunities that could bring him happiness in the beginning.

Eventually he may surrounding himself with lots a connections and community, caring for each one and desperately not wanting to be alone again—finding the pain of being alone outweighs the potential pain of rejection and loss.

He knows many people but he often avoids talking about himself too much—possibly feeling that it’s pointless to try and explain, or more likely, not having the words to explain. Not knowing how to word it, how to explain in a way others could understand or relate to.

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