#so i can tag this for my own filing system | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

stellophiliac · 4 months ago

Text

how to build a digital music collection and stuff

spotify sucks aaaass. so start downloading shit!!

file format glossary

.wav is highest quality and biggest

.mp3 is very small, but uses lossy compression which means it's lower quality

.flac is smaller than .wav, but uses lossless compression so it's high quality

.m4a is an audio file format that apple uses. that's all i really know

downloading the music

doubledouble.top is a life saver. you can download from a variety of services including but not limited to apple music, spotify, soundcloud, tidal, deezer, etc.

i'd recommend ripping your music from tidal or apple music since they're the best quality (i think apple music gives you lossless audio anyway. .m4a can be both lossy and lossless, but from the text on doubledouble i assume they're ripping HQ files off apple music)

i also love love love cobalt.tools for ripping audio/video from youtube (they support a lot of other platforms too!)

of course, many artists have their music on bandcamp — purchase or download directly from them if you can. bandcamp offers a variety of file formats for download

file conversion

if you're downloading from apple music with doubledouble, it spits out an .m4a file.

.m4a is ok for some people but if you prefer .flac, you may wanna convert it. ffmpeg is a CLI (terminal) tool to help with media conversion

if you're on linux or macOS, you can use parameter expansion to batch convert all files in a folder. put the files in one place first, then with your terminal, cd into the directory and run:

for i in *.m4a; do ffmpeg -i "$i" "${i%.*}.flac"; done

this converts from .m4a to .flac — change the file extensions if needed.

soulseek

another way to get music is through soulseek. soulseek is a peer-to-peer file sharing network which is mainly used for music. nicotine+ is a pretty intuitive (and open-source) client if you don't like the official one.

you can probably find a better tutorial on soulseek somewhere else. just wanted to make this option known

it's bad etiquette to download from people without sharing files of your own, so make sure you've got something shared. also try to avoid queuing up more than 1-2 albums from one person in a row

tagging & organizing your music

tagging: adding metadata to a music file (eg. song name, artist name, album) that music players can recognize and display

if you've ripped music from a streaming platform, chances are it's already tagged. i've gotten files with slightly incorrect tags from doubledouble though, so if you care about that then you might wanna look into it

i use musicbrainz picard for my tagging. they've got pretty extensive documentation, which will probably be more useful than me

basically, you can look up album data from an online database into the program, and then match each track with its file. the program will tag each file correctly for you (there's also options for renaming the file according to a certain structure if you're into that!)

there's also beets, which is a CLI tool for... a lot of music collection management stuff. i haven't really used it myself, but if you feel up to it then they've got extensive documentation too. for most people, though, it's not really a necessity

how you wanna organize your music is completely up to you. my preferred filestructure is:

artist > album > track # track

using a music player

the options for this are pretty expansive. commonly used players i see include VLC, foobar2000, clementine (or a fork of it called strawberry), and cmus (for the terminal)

you can also totally use iTunes or something. i don't know what audio players other systems come with

i personally use dopamine. it's a little bit slow, but it's got a nice UI and is themeable plus has last.fm support (!!!)

don't let the github page fool you, you don't have to build from source. you can find the releases here

click the "assets" dropdown on the most recent release, and download whichever one is compatible with your OS

syncing

if you're fine with your files just being on one device (perhaps your computer, but perhaps also an USB drive or an mp3 player), you don't have to do this

you can sync with something like google drive, but i hate google more than i hate spotify

you can get a free nextcloud account from one of their providers with 2GB of free storage. you can use webDAV to access your files from an app on your phone or other device (documents by readdle has webDAV support, which is what i use)

disroot and blahaj.land are a couple providers i know that offer other services as well as nextcloud (so you get more with your account), but accounts are manually approved. do give them a look though!!

if you're tech-savvy and have an unused machine lying around, look into self-hosting your own nextcloud, or better yet, your own media server. i've heard that navidrome is a pretty good audio server. i unfortunately don't have experience with self-hosting at the moment so i have like zero advice to give here. yunohost seems to be a really easy way to manage a server

afterword

i don't know if any of this is helpful, but i just wanted to consolidate my personal advice in one place. fuck big tech. own your media, they could take it away from you at any moment

#stel speaks #music piracy #soulseek #fuck spotify #media piracy

1K notes · View notes

the-magpie-collective · 1 month ago

Text

Wyll seems to be the only companion who intentionally and repeatedly uses the mindflayer tadpole to communicate. I did a quick search through the dialogue files and the only other instance I found was at the beginning of Act I, when Lae'zel is captured by the tieflings, she'll use the tadpole to demand you free her.

And yet, Wyll is one of the companions most against using the tadpole's powers. Arguably, I'd say he's more against it than anyone save for Lae'zel. Which is why I find it so interesting that out of all of companions, Wyll is the one to latch onto and make use of this facet of the tadpole's powers.

The first time Wyll can use the tadpole is when Mizora bids him to rescue Zariel's asset. If the Player succeeds on their perception check, they can bargain with Mizora to free Wyll from his pact. Wyll link his mind with the Player's Character in panic, demanding to know "What are you doing?"

Then again when Wyll is finally reunited with his father, he uses the tadpole to show his father why he pacted with Mizora. Instead of explaining in his own words, he shows him the cultists as they attempt to summon Tiamat into Baldur's Gate. He'll do the same for the Player Character if his father isn't saved, even when he is freed from his pact and could say it in his own words. If the PC refuses to let Wyll show them, he will explain it, but clearly prefers to use the tadpole.

Finally, Wyll will also use the tadpole to bid farewell if he has a falling out with the player character, telling the player "Godspeed, and may your journey be true."

For Wyll, who had spent the last seven years under a devil's thumb, this narrative choice to use the tadpoles to communicate is telling. One thing all of these scenes have in common is that they all emotionally charged moments. They are also moments in which, in my opinion, it is very important for Wyll to convey his sincerity. Wyll has spent the last seven years always dancing around the truth and now here comes along a power where not only can he tell the truth, he can show the truth as he sees it, so that there is much less risk of being misunderstood. A power like that has to be irresistible.

Just another thing I wish was explored more in depth in game.

Edit: Thank you to everyone who pointed out instances when other characters also use the tadpoles to communicate <3

Turns out Wyll/Lae'zel's writer is the only one who bothered to use proper tagging in the dialogue system ('MINDMELD' if you're curious). This is why I can never find what I'm looking for in the dialogue files smh

#wyll ravengard #bg3 wyll #bg3 discourse #magpiediscourse #baldur's gate 3 #I find it really interesting that as far as I could find only Wyll and Lae'zel ever use the tadpole to communicate #Since iirc they both have the same writer this makes a lot of sense #so why does no one else seem to use it?#like it can be a huge writing crutch obviously #No need to write out how someone explains something if they can just show it #but it's also hugely important narratively #the tadpoles are the entire driving force behind the plot #and yet so often they are largely ignored #so why is it that the two characters who would be most hesitant to use the tadpoles are the only two who do willingly use it to communicate #that seems like a missed opportunity by the other writers #also why isn't it an insight check? They have insight checks in BG3 right?#if I am missing anything I blame it on the poor organization of the dialogue files. They will be the death of me I swear

321 notes · View notes

gallierhouse · 5 months ago

Note

“is armand a coward?” “is he insane?” “is he smart or stupid?” “is he honest?” IS HE BORING THO? the only question is he boring?????

I know you’re being silly, but I have actually written about this before. Multiple times, actually. But my organizational system is so bad I have no idea where any of those posts are. It’ll be in the tag somewhere if you want to look. I’ll sum it up here, though.

Armand both is and isn’t boring. In a vacuum, he’s an interesting person. He’s 500 years old and he’s got no hobbies to speak of besides gardening and torture. He’s got a penchant for v-necks. He led a cult and burnt people alive and then he led another cult and had them murder people on stage every night for a hundred years. He used to wander museums at night. He has a large collection of sunglasses. He’s been following a painting of him paid for with his body for 500 years but he never took it home or destroyed it. He’s surprisingly adept at real estate for someone who lived an ascetic lifestyle for 200 years. He’s got neat handwriting. He doesn’t have a real accent. He’s numbered his memories chronologically. So all that’s interesting. Even if he were actually a soft, beige pillow, he’d still be interesting by virtue of having lived five centuries. But Louis finds him boring because Armand’s always trying to please him. Armand has an idea of what Louis wants (“not Lestat”), so everything he does is designed to not be Lestat, and to fulfill the submissive role in their D/S relationship. By being who he thinks Louis wants him to be, he makes himself boring. He’s not actually boring, but Louis only ever gets to see the boring version of him, because it’s all he’ll ever show Louis. He’s always modulating his behavior to meet the expectations of the people he wants approval from, which makes him boring to that person. It’s boring if someone only ever does what you want and what you say. “You can pick what we have for dinner, I don’t mind” every night for 77 years. It’s boring!

Armand’s not boring. He’s just backed himself into a corner that makes everyone he wants approval or attention from see him as boring. It’s a silly problem to have. Louis would probably be more attracted to him if he showed the side of himself he shows to Lestat. But Armand’s so devoted to pretending to be a civilized, well-adjusted person who isn’t violent and isn’t unstable and isn’t selfish and isn’t anything like Lestat, and isn’t anything besides stable and safe and patient and kind and loving, that he’s filed off his own edge. You can see him compartmentalize it. He hunts alone. He leaves the penthouse. That’s something he does for himself. The only time he allows himself to be whoever he really is without the expectation of someone else, and it’s out of sight for both the viewer and Louis. He declaws himself for the sake of others, and he’s naturally hurt when people say things like, “Where are your claws? Why don’t you have claws? You’re boring!” It’s a mean thing to say to someone who spends all their time and energy attempting to be interesting to you, even if their method is self-defeating and stupid. I think Armand might think of himself as boring, though. But his metric for what’s normal and abnormal is so far removed from any conceivable standard of normalcy it’s not really a valid opinion to hold. He’s silly, okay?

#interview with the vampire #iwtv #armand

310 notes · View notes

simsi45 · 7 months ago

Text

The Sims 4 Amber House Pack - PUBLIC RELEASE!

youtube

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE PATREON PAGE!

Oh...my...GOD!!! I can't believe this is actually happening....

After 3 years of hard work, I am here to welcome everyone to:

The Sims 4 Amber House Pack!

It's time to create your own mission style dream house, with this collection of 345 brand new and hella cool build/buy mode items, inspired by Dontnod's "Life is Strange: Before the Storm" game.

EARLY ACCESS: You can get the pack right now, on my PATREON on the 3-5$ tiers, or wait for the 12th of May for the public release!

Please read EVERYTHING included in the post as it contains useful information about the pack!

DISCLAIMER: Simsi45 or The Sims 4 Amber House Pack is NOT affiliated or associated with Electronic Arts, Square Enix, Deck Nine or Dontnod in ANY way. This is a purely fanmade pack made by me, a fan of both games that wanted to get the best of both worlds.

FEATURES:

345 new items (including sofas, tables, decor, windows, doors and much much more!)

Search for "amberhouse", "lis", "simsi45" to find most of the items in the build/buy catalog.

Custom original names and descriptions. (the best I could come up with :P)

Tons of custom recolors (based on original textures) to mix and match items more easily.

Heavy modification on original meshes and textures, including english text turned into simlish.

Everything has been playtested thoroughly.

Included are a couple of easter egg items from The Sims 2 that I thought fit the theme well.

New lot I made showcased in the trailer and pics (found in the gallery under my tag @simsi45_mods) a recreation of Rachel Amber's house.

LOT INSTALLATION:

Included in the pack is the lot recreation of the Amber House that's featured in the pictures and videos.

You can get the lot by:

Using the gallery. Make a search under my EA id: @simsi45_mods and download the lot as usual. I've included customized pictures to identify my own lot more easily. Make sure you have the "enable custom content" tag ENABLED for the lot to show up in the results.

If you have difficulties using the gallery you can download the lot tray files from the bottom of the post, and move them inside your own tray folder. This can be found in your documents/electronic arts/the sims 4/ tray folder. This way you can install the lot without the need of the gallery.

NOTES:

~ The pack is in an EARLY-ACCESS STATE! I have dedicated a lot of time to test everything but I'm a team of just a single person. If you find any issues please let me know so I can take a look.

~ Because of the amount of items the size of the pack is quite big. I tried my best to make everything as compact as possible with the final size being 1.5 GB of required free space.

~ The majority of the meshes and textures of these items are ripped straight from the LIS: Before the Storm game, and then each individual item (both mesh and textures) has been heavily modified and edited to fit and function properly within the Sims 4 game's engine. That's why some items will look identical to the original game, some look somewhat different, and some are brand new meshes I made using the original items.

~ Some of the original ripped meshes' poly counts were WAY too high so I had to lower the polygons so The Sims 4 wouldn't explode when filling a lot with them. I lowered the polygons and edited most of the items as much as possible without compromising their original look too much. In other words I tried to find the best balance between looks and performance and after lots of testing on my moderate PC system, I can confirm the game runs super smoothly on my end.

BACKSTORY ABOUT THE PACK (no spoilers):

This pack started with an idea I got back in 2017 when I first played Life Is Strange Before The Storm. When visiting the Amber house, I immediately fell in love with it as I am huge fan of the craftsman architectural style, it's literally all I'd want my dream house to be. The art team has done an incredible job on it, and as I personally find the art style of the Life is Strange series and The Sims 4 to fit very well with each other, I wanted to make these assets available for The Sims 4. Of course back then this all seemed impossible, however a few years later in 2020 during quarantine I revisited the idea as it had been stuck on my wishlist ever since.

To make a long story short, this project has been in the works for about 3 years now, and after a lot of hard work, head scratching and quite a few sleepless nights I managed to overcome all the obstacles I came across (which were a lot mind you) and I'm honestly hoping you'll be as pleased with the results as I am. Seriously this exceeded my expectations as it started as a small little pack for my personal use, to what I'd consider an expansion pack's (or even more) worth of build/buy content.

INSTALLATION:

Due to the size of the pack I had to split it up into multiple parts. You will need a .RAR extractor unpack it. More specifically:

1 -> Download ALL 6 parts of the pack and put them ALL in the same folder. 2 -> Right click the 1st part .RAR file named "Simsi45 - The Sims 4 Amber House Pack.part1" and click "Extract Here" 3 -> Once that's finished a package file will appear, this is the entire pack and you can now move that into The Sims 4/Mods. Simple as that!

CREDITS & THANKS:

~Dontnod, Square Enix, Deck Nine for the original meshes & textures ripped from Life is Strange: Before the Storm that were used to create most of the items.

~EA for some meshes & textures used to convert some items from The Sims 2.

Special thank you to all the patreon members that stuck with me throughout me developing the pack. Although not many I really appreciate every single one of you for the support you've given me and for sticking around!

279 notes · View notes

ranticore · 19 days ago

Note

what writing program do you use?

I use LibreOffice, a free open source word processor. It's very customisable, I change my document bg to medium grey so that my eyes don't hurt. It saves documents as .odt by default

When I was finished a book I would open it in Word to run a spelling and grammar check as Word used to have more sophisticated proofreading abilities but the last time I did it it was absolute tripe due to increased implementation of ai. I also use Word to format the pdf for printing

To turn the .odt document into an epub novel i save as .html and open in Calibre to format the ebook. You can then read it using google books or apple books on ur phone

Other programs I've used/tried:

Google docs - the only reason anyone should use this is if they're writing cross platform in which case it can be useful. Hands-down the worst spelling suggestions out there and stupidly lacking in functionality on mobile

Bear (iOS) - it's nice if you like markdown and only exporting as .rtf files in the free version. Works well, stores documents offline, and uses a nice tag system to organise stuff. I wrote all my Siren prose in this

Scrivener - overcomplicated and distracting

Discord - honestly prefer it when writing cross platform over gdocs, sometimes I'll write a paragraph or so on mobile and just paste it into my libreoffice when I get home. My pc is immovably large & I don't own a laptop

Word (for writing) - if you click & drag to highlight text in libre, it will highlight only the exact letters you selected. Word has a fun feature where it makes assumptions about what you REALLY wanted to do and tries to fight you on it. Fuck Word

103 notes · View notes

florwal · 2 years ago

Text

PORTSIM SAVE FILE 1.1

behind the glitz and glamour of the valley lies something much darker. starlight boulevard is littered with trash and reeks of piss. the homelessness crisis is the worst it's ever been. drug epidemics, murder, and other crimes run rampant through the smog filled city. this is the real del sol valley. do you have what it takes to make it out here?

CONTENT WARNING: storylines involving drug use & violence

download + info under the cut

watch my save file overview on youtube

everything from 1.0 included

there’s a no cc version + the lit version (requires minimal cc and basemental drugs + wicked whims)

del sol valley remade into a dirtier, more realistic city inspired by los angeles and gta 5

i own all packs and kits, i won’t be answering any questions regarding pack requirements! the answer is all of them! you can still play in the save but lots will have missing objects, and sims will be missing clothes

31 new sims made by me + more sims from people using the #florwaltownies tag - working on making a del sol townie index so i can go more in depth on the townie’s backstories

5 residential lots (3 are multi-family) + 3 community lots

2 new clubs - mirage menaces, a street gang and third chances, a support group for ex criminals

readable journal entries from some of the townies (portsim + del sol) included in the lit version

updated almost every townie with the new family dynamics, sim characteristics, and conversation topics system from the growing together ep

included a few new builds in oasis springs, but only 1 house household lives there and the world is about halfway finished

notes:

view the save file’s update log here

highly suggest viewing 1.0’s info post to learn more about the save + the city of portsim, which is the first city i created for the save file

console users: all households and builds are on the gallery! | gallery id: florwalsims

THANK YOU! to everyone that’s been using my save file, i had no idea it would do so well. seeing all the videos on youtube, keeping up with y’all’s sims stories, and all the positive feedback the save’s gotten makes me so happy and i love & appreciate every single one of you.

please @ me + use #portsim save file in anything involving the save! i’d love to see it <3

DOWNLOAD on patreon (always free)

*required mods for the lit version*

#sims 4 #ts4 #sims 4 save file #simblr #sims community #sims 4 community #portsim updates

1K notes · View notes

nenelonomh · 6 months ago

Text

organization 101

organization is about how we gather stimuli in our environment to complete tasks quickly and more effectively. it's about arranging our surroundings, providing order, and structuring items and activities around us.

this topic can be applied in so many instances - including physical spaces, digital files, schedules, and mental clarity.

staying organized offers several benefits:

★ when you're organized, you waste less time searching for things or figuring out what to do next. this efficiency leads to increased productivity

★ clutter and chaos can contribute to stress. an organized environment promotes a sense of calm and control.

★ organization helps you allocate time effectively. you can prioritize tasks and allocate resources efficiently.

★ a clutter-free workspace (or living space) allows you to concentrate better on the task at hand.

★ organized spaces encourage healthier habits, such as regular exercise, balanced meals, and adequate rest.

but how can you stay organized?

★ start with one area of focus (e.g. closet, desk, documents, ...) and gradually expand. focusing on one area allows you to see tangible progress, and as you declutter or organize, you'll build momentum to tackle other spaces.

trying to organize everything at once can be overwhelming. by narrowing your focus, you can prevent feeling swamped. concentrating on a specific area also allows you to learn effective strategies,, which you can apply to other parts of your life!

★ keep a to-do list. you can use a planner or digital tools to track tasks - and prioritize and sort tasks by urgency. write things down promptly to avoid forgetting them.

by freeing your mind from trying to remember all of your tasks, this mental offloading allows you to focus on the present moment. you can also assign urgency and importance, ensuring you will tackle what matters most.

★ give everything a home. clutter happens when items lack designated spaces. organize your physical and digital spaces intentionally.

★ once organized, maintain order consistently by building habits and systems. regularly review and adjust your systems when needed.

maintaining daily habits can significantly contribute to staying organized.

digital files

personally, the biggest issue i have with organization is building (and maintaining) a good system for digital files. it is crucial for me to learn how to organize these well, however, as a digital creator.

here is the process:

★ create a folder structure,, and design a clear hierarchy of folders that reflect your workflow. organize files logically based on projects, departments, dates, or file types.

at the moment i sort my files as content home < links, content plan, instagram, pinterest, tumblr, youtube < scheduling, post ideas

however, sometimes i find myself with documents that don't fit any of these sections. my plan for the future is to reorganize this to be the most effective it can.

★ use descriptive file names,, and name files clearly and concisely. include relevant keywords to make searching easier

★ consider using tags to categorize files across multiple dimensions. tags enhance searchability and allow flexible organization.

this is something that i am looking to employ!

★ utilize cloud services like google drive or dropbox for easy access from anywhere.

i will forever be a notion girl,, even though it is not quite a cloud service, it allows me a similar experience.

★ make decluttering a routine. delete duplicate or unnecessary files.

★ pin essential folders to your sidebar for quick access.

physical decluttering

writing this, i was reminded of the (horrid) bedrotting trend, especially those videos where people would show their rooms with shit everywhere and mould growing on stuff. i'm aware that some people find it super hard to maintain organization or declutter - hoarding is a very real issue.

the benefits of staying organized were previously mentioned, but decluttering specifically has its own little set of positives. this includes reduced stress, improved focus, enhanced productivity, and more positive overall wellbeing.

here are some essential tips if you are struggling to get started:

choose a small area or category to begin decluttering. set a timer (15-30 minutes) and sort items in that area into 'keep', 'donate', 'trash', or 'unsure' piles.

you could also attempt a room-by-room approach, by tackling one room at a time. focus on completing each room fully before moving on to the next.

try to organize your belongings into categories (keep, donate, sell, discard) to make decisions easier.

remember - progress comes from consistent effort, and small steps lead to a clutter-free space.

further reading

i hope today's post was helpful!

as for further reading, check out these sites: ★ How to Declutter Your Home: 6 Best Room-by-Room Methods (thespruce.com) ★ First Steps to Decluttering - Understanding the Clutter - Being Minimalist ★ Productivity, Organization & Personal-Development | 101 Planners ★ Executive Functioning Skills 101: Organization | Life Skills Advocate ★ How to Be Organized - 10+ Habits - Organized 31 ★ How to Be More Organized & Productive | 10 Habits for Life Organization (youtube.com) ★ How to Be More Organized (verywellmind.com) ★ How to Organize Your Digital Files | Reviews by Wirecutter (nytimes.com) ★ Master How to Organize Digital File Management (riverfy.com)

❤️ nene

image source: pinterest

96 notes · View notes

ohdorothea · 14 days ago

Text

This tournament is being fan by and for queer fans so please keep that in mind! Homophobes will be blocked on sight <3 More polls here and more info here! Lyrics for the songs and FAQ under the cut! Glitch lyrics We were supposed to be just friends You don't live in my part of town but maybe I'll see you out some weekend Depending on what kind of mood and situation-ship I'm in And what's in my system I think there's been a glitch, ah-yeah Five seconds later I'm fastening myself to you with a stitch, ah-yeah And I'm not even sorry Nights are so starry Blood moonlit It must be counterfeit I think there's been a glitch, ah-yeah I was supposed to sweat you out In search of glorious happenings of happenstance on someone else's playground But it's been 2,190 days of our love blackout (Our love is blacking out) The system's breaking down (The system's breaking down) I think there's been a glitch, ah-yeah Five seconds later I'm fastening myself to you with a stitch, ah-yeah And I'm not even sorry Nights are so starry Blood moonlit It must be counterfeit I think there's been a glitch, ah-yeah A brief interruption A slight malfunction I'd go back to wanting Dudes who give nothing I thought we had no chance And that's romance Let's dance Glitch, ah-yeah Five seconds later I'm fastening myself to you with a stitch, ah-yeah And I'm not even sorry Nights are so starry Blood moonlit It must be counterfeit I think there's been a glitch

🫶🫶🫶 Dear Reader lyrics Dear reader, if it feels like a trap You're already in one Dear reader, get out your map Pick somewhere and just run Dear reader, burn all the files Desert all your past lives And if you don't recognize yourself That means you did it right Never take advice from someone who's falling apart Never take advice from someone who's falling apart (You should find another) Dear reader, bend when you can Snap when you have to Dear reader, you don't have to answer Just 'cause they asked you (You should find another) Dear reader, the greatest of luxuries is your secrets Dear reader, when you aim at the devil Make sure you don't miss Never take advice from someone who's falling apart Never take advice from someone who's falling apart So I wander through these nights I prefer hiding in plain sight My fourth drink in my hand These desperate prayers of a cursed man Spilling out to you for free But darling, darling, please You wouldn't take my word for it if you knew who was talking If you knew where I was walking To a house, not a home, all alone 'cause nobody's there Where I pace in my pen and my friends found friends who care No one sees when you lose when you're playing solitaire You should find another guiding light, guiding light But I shine so bright You should find another guiding light, guiding light But I shine so bright You should find another, you should find another (Guiding light) Find another, you should find another You should find another

🫶🫶🫶 The question is which song is queerer to you! Queerer can mean whatever you want it to mean; you might consider a song queer because you think it was written that way, or because of Swiftian lore. It might be queer to you because of how you relate it to your own life. Maybe you think from a purely literary standpoint the lyrics have queer themes; maybe you're just thinking about vibes!!! Put in the tags your interpretations or propaganda for a specific song! Tags will be used to decide what songs may be saved if there are extra slots in the next round!

#tsqst #the irony of there being a glitch on the glitch poll #but yeah it won’t let me put the read more in the right place but all info and lyrics are under the read more!!

29 notes · View notes

mysticstarlightduck · 6 months ago

Text

Supernova Initiative - WIP Intro/WIP Someday Tag

I wasn't tagged for this recently, but I wanted to make a WIP Intro/WIP Someday post for this story in the style of my previous post for Song of Thorns (here). So here we go😅! Feel free to make your own version of this Tag for one of your WIPs, if you'd like!

By the way, if you like this, please reblog, it helps a lot 💕

And tell me if you'd like to be added to any future taglists of this WIP!

Rules: Pick a WIP. Post something about it. On a Wednesday. Or whenever! It can be literally anything! (:

WIP INTRO - Supernova Initiative

Title: Supernova Initiative

Genre: Science Fiction/Space Opera/Adventure & Mystery/Whump

Tags: #wip supernova initiative #supernova initiative

Synopsis/What Is It About?

Jack Tithus, a young and charming intergalactic thief, along with his crew - Vesper Foxx, a feared cyborg assassin; Cassiopeia Tithus, his younger sister who is also a genius engineer; Aleks Keldora, a master in the art of temporary identity theft; and Artemis Zreeth, their edgy new recruit - are the most wanted criminals in this quadrant of the galaxy. Never once caught, the team defies their galaxy's oppressive government by using their combined talents to steal from the government as their own act of rebellion.

However, their luck takes an unexpected turn for the worst when they find themselves set up and arrested after a botched heist. Taken to the most secure facility in the whole Junction, the group expects nothing but problems in the coming future - instead, they are offered a strange deal: if they agree to work for the Junction and retrieve some highly classified files that were lost in a hostile planetary system, they will be spared from execution. With few other options, the group begrudgingly accepts to carry out this heist for the government they spent their lives trying to undermine.

Meanwhile, Jack finds himself trapped in a horrifying web of unethical experiments and illegal bioengineering when, while still having to carry out the heist along with his crew, he is secretly forced to become a test subject to the fearsome Director, head of the Junction's division of sciences, unbeknownst to his crew.

The team will need to count on the help of old allies-turned-rivals such as the cold-blooded mercenary and sniper Deimos Soll, their former crewmate, and the secret agent assigned to oversee their mission, an uptight and by-the-book young man called Noctus - if they wish to complete the most dangerous heist of their lives, and get their freedoms back.

Tropes and Nice Stuff! (Or, a.k.a. What you can expect in this book!)

Found Family/Team as Family!

Space adventure, exploration of unique, uncanny, beautiful, and outlandish alien planets, all the good science fiction stuff!

Robots, cyborgs, and sarcastically friendly AI!

A terrifyingly strict aspiring utopian regime that promises progress and freedom but is actually an unethical dystopia in disguise, with many bloodied skeletons in the closet, if you will.

Intergalactic politics, multiple alien cultures, and a bubbling interplanetary conflict about to explode between vastly different civilizations, each seeking either revenge or power.

Sibling bonds! A lot of this story centers around the siblings Jack and Cassiopeia Tithus, and the struggles they go through to keep each other safe and live another day, among some other notable siblings throughout the book.

Laboratory whump - A LOT OF IT. Also expect a crazy, unethical scientist/politician as a villain who is willing to do absolutely horrid things in the name of progress, even if it means human experimentation.

A suspicious, morally grey antihero with a reputation for being a cold-blooded killer, whom you'd expect is going to betray the group sooner or later, but is actually one of their most loyal allies and HAS A REDEMPTION ARC aaaaaa

Heists! Heists! Heists! And all the good stuff that comes along with this trope!

An edgy rogue-type character who is super impulsive and does not always make the best decisions, who only recently joined the group but would defend them with his life.

Traumatized - and hot - cyborg assassin lady on the path to have revenge on the people who destroyed her life in the past, and who is going to get said revenge in ✨style✨

A conformist secret agent who has always been "the perfect soldier" and follows rules like his life depends on it has an existential crisis and learns that his government has lied to him

A subplot that follows a young cadet from the Junction's Void Program, who discovers a dark secret about their government and starts investigating, but who needs to escape (and ends up meeting the MCs) after the government makes an attempt on his life + his war hero (adoptive) older brother who is a fighter pilot and really just needs a break and was tasked by their parents with trying to keep Pax from getting into even more trouble, but fails successfully.

Outcasts and society's "rejects" decide to make a better future together and it is great

Angst, team dynamics, and a lot of action-packed fight scenes!

And more! ✨

Meet The Main Cast! (The good guys)

Jack Tithus

A charming and rebellious intergalactic thief, Jack always sought a better life for himself and his younger sister, Cassiopeia, his only family - and he finally got his chance many years ago by joining a famous space pirate crew and leaving the dusty mining settlement moon he grew up in behind. After that, he took on a solo career - along with his sister and a few friends they had made along the way - and became the most wanted thief in the galaxy. He only steals from the government and seeks to help people who are oppressed or neglected by the system. He has a kind heart and a free spirit, and despite being a thief has a stronger moral compass than most, believing in breaking the rules to do what is truly right.

Cassiopeia Tithus

Cassiopeia - or Cassie, as she is usually called - is a brilliant robot engineer and inventor, able to build even the most complex machines from little more than scraps. She built her first robot when she was a child and has had a passion for mechanics ever since. A part of her older brother's outlaw team, Cassie uses her tech to aid in the heists and allow them to be mostly undetected. Most times. A lively young girl with a fiery personality, Cassiopeia has a lot of passion for what she does and is the glue that keeps their little team of misfits together.

Aleks Keldora

Raised by his two mothers on a struggling planet on the edge of the system, Aleks always wanted to help his family financially and give his mothers the life they deserved. However, struggling with self-esteem issues and often feeling discarded by society, Aleks knew what it meant to be invisible in the eyes of the world around him - with his family being the only ones who ever saw him for who he was. Tired of feeling left out by the world, and wanting to help his mothers - whose business was about to go bankrupt - Aleks decided to take a stand after winning a high-tech device in an underworld completion, a mask that allowed him to shapeshift into anyone he'd like. With the help of this mask and his other talents, Aleks completed his first heist in secret and was able to use the funds to help keep his family's business afloat, though they never knew the truth about how he got the money. After that, finally able to use his feeling of being invisible to his advantage, Aleks became more and more bold, eventually leaving his home planet in search of better heists to be able to continue to support his family.

Vesper Foxx

Traumatized by the day her home planet was raided by a ruthless group of mercenaries - who were hired by the neighboring galaxy's government to establish a Junction colony in Khosmonian territory - Vesper was kidnapped by the soldiers along with her oldest brother, Atheris, after their mother was killed in the raids. After witnessing him be tortured and killed, which scarred for life, Vesper was able to flee in an escape pod, being reunited with her little sister, Lysia, and their cousin, Deya, with whom she left their destroyed homeland behind. Despite settling down in another planetary system with the family she had left, the girl was never able to let go of the past, yearning for justice and revenge. Eventually, she left behind her sister and her cousin to pursue the deaths of the mercenaries who destroyed her life, using cyborg implants and upgrades to turn herself into the deadliest assassin in either galaxy.

Artemis Zreeth

The son of a renowned bounty hunter, Artemis never thought he would ever join their galaxy's criminal underworld, but after his father was betrayed by the crew he trusted the most, Artemis was left to fend for himself. Feeling betrayed by the system he trusted and lacking a purpose in life, Artemis survived by doing some gigs as a mercenary and pirate, a gun for hire in the criminal underworld. After winning a race and accidentally meeting the main cast, Artemis joins the group thinking this would just be another job to pay the bills, but as they spend more and more time together, the teenager finds that this group of outcasts might be the closest thing he's had to a family in a long while.

Pax Stellaryn

A genius young cadet, on his way to becoming the youngest cadet to ever graduate from the Junction's Void Program, Pax always wanted to make his beloved adoptive family proud, feeling oftentimes like a fish out of the water. After discovering a terrifying government intrigue by accident, Pax finds a chance to prove that he too can be a hero, and sets off to investigate more about this and seek a way to prevent the Junction's wretched plan from coming to fruition, after realizing his life too is in danger. However, he may have overestimated his ability to get out of this mess alone.

Deimos Soll

A cold-blooded and practical sniper, Deimos was Jack and Cassie's childhood best friend and their first crewmate. The trio split ways years ago due to conflicting beliefs and a few bad misunderstandings and ended up becoming rivals and competition when it comes to stealing from the Junction. Years later, however, after a harrowing encounter with a cruel and sadistic woman who sought to enslave him in order to force him to join her army, Deimos ends up fleeing to the only people he ever trusted - which unfortunately means having to confront his past and face Jack and Cassie again, who is very confused about his return to the crew - while being hunted down by the insane general he seeks to escape from.

Noctus

Though his full name is classified and unknown to the cast, his reputation precedes him. He is the single most successful special forces secret agent currently in the employ of the Junction - he has never failed a mission, never missed a target. And he always follows orders, always obeys the rules. However, is everything about him what it seems? A forgotten and suppressed part of his memory may prove that the system he fought so dearly to uphold may have actually made him into their perfect living weapon, and there may be many other lies yet to be uncovered

Ethean Mirannir

Pax's adoptive older brother, Ethean is a fighter pilot who has made a name for himself as a war hero and has always been the perfect soldier. Unexpectedly, he finds himself having to choose between his duty to the government and keeping his family safe when Pax discovers a secret that even he had no idea existed.

A few Plot Points, chaotically described🙃 (A.k.a - Badly Summarized WIP Tag but different)

Celebrating a successful heist on a space diner with the homies

I don't know why but I have a feeling this is going suspiciously well for our standards... Are we being set up? Hmm. Nah, I must be thinking too much into it-

Yep. Yes, we were being set up.

🎶Hell to the no, to the no, no, no🎶 WHAT IN THE DYSTOPIAN BULLCRAP EVEN IS THIS PLACE?

"Making shady deals with psycho government officers and bargaining for our freedom - with a bonus of Trauma✨"

THIS JUST-IN: 20-something agent totally done with everything must babysit this group of reckless space pirates that refuse to obey the rules

Cue the most uncomfy space travel in the whole galaxy~

"Hey guys, so yeah, this wasn't my plan either -" Promptly passes out, and everyone has more questions than answers.

Preparing to steal important files lost✨IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE✨ with a plan with came up with at 2AM with three bottles of energy drinks and a dash of improv

Operation "Let's Try Not To Die In Less than 20 Mins" begins and goes about as well as you'd expect

Losing communications with any backup we might have had and having a bit of group therapy because why not~

Things get Oh, so much worse, Special Edition - a.k.a - a not-so-nice crash landing on the worst possible planet ever

Let's improvise again Pt.2

Questionable problem-solving and emergency hot chocolate bottles

Cyborg Girl and Sniper Dude absolutely do not get along for a whole week and make it everyone else's problem

This is nice! Finally, something goes according to plan in this mess. I'm honestly surprised we got this far. Bravo to us!

(POV Shift) "Hi, yes, you're probably wondering how I even got into this mess. Let's start from the beginning."

This isn't a regular doctor's appointment, is it? What is that needle?! What are you doing -

Political drama, espionage, and manipulative teachers

And The Whump Begins

Well, well, well if it isn't the Consequences of my actions striking back at last. I probably should've mentioned this teeny tiny major problem sooner though. Yeah, my bad...

This is either the single most adorable little alien or the most concerningly ugly thing I've ever seen and now I'm confused

Cue existential crisis - "So no one was gonna tell me my whole life was a lie? Cool. Cool. Just checking... WTF"

HEIST! BADASSERY! BAD LIFE CHOICES!

Two tired older brothers try to keep their respective gremlin younger siblings from encouraging chaos and fail miserably

Insane Femme Fatale makes everyone hate her in less than 2 seconds and is so proud of it

Midnight Talks and Crispy Snacks

Things just got serious, Oh No.

How To Keep Two Rival Civilizations from Destroying Each Other 101 - We're still trying to figure it out

Hm. This plan wasn't half bad. Except it was. It was oh, so bad, OMG

To be Continued...

Playlist

Antigravity - Runaground

Superhero - Simon Curtis

Die For You - Valorant

Notorious - NEONI

Fighter - The Score

Glitter and Gold - Barns Courtney

Tagging (gently): @sleepy-night-child, @kaylinalexanderbooks, @smol-feralgremlin, @oh-no-another-idea, @littleladymab,

@winterandwords, @cowboybrunch, @eccaiia, @sarahlizziewrites, @illarian-rambling

@agirlandherquill, @anoelleart

@leave-her-a-tome, @writernopal, @anyablackwood, @unstablewifiaccess, @forthesanityofstorytellers

@i-can-even-burn-salad, @cakeinthevoid

@lassiesandiego, @thepeculiarbird, @clairelsonao3, @memento-morri-writes, @starlit-hopes-and-dreams

@the-golden-comet, @urnumber1star, @ominous-feychild, @anyablackwood, @amaiguri, @lyutenw @finickyfelix @elshells

@thecomfywriter

And OPEN TAG

#wip intro #wip introduction #wip supernova initiative #supernova initiative #writerblr #writers on tumblr #my wips #character writing #writing #writers #writeblr #my writing #my characters

58 notes · View notes

yomogi-mogi-mochi · 7 months ago

Text

Orchid Child, Dandelion Child

Pairings: Riddle & Sibling MC (NOT a romantic pairing)

Summary: This is going to take after Riddle’s overblot, and short and sweet. The term orchid child/dandelion child refer to children who may have very specific/different needs for their development, and those who need less accommodations or specific requirements for their development, respectively. They may grow up in the same environment but everyone’s needs are different, one child may have different coping mechanisms than the other. MC is heavily implied to have dyslexia, ADHD/Autism, and OCD (the latter two of which are often comorbid)

Notes: My brain is so dead. Enjoy this very short piece, sorry it's been a while.

TW: Graphic descriptions of embalming (weird tag I know but listen listen listen hear me out‒), also mentions of blood and human biology; past domestic/child abuse, and mental illness

GN Terms for MC

AO3 Link Here

Masterlist

--------------------------

Adjacent to your mother’s footsteps, you had always had a curiosity for the medical. Though it was never living bodies that enamored you. In death, biology levels all. Cremation, natural burial, or alkaline hydrolysis‒ no amount of money, or intelligence, magic, or talent would help anyone escape the inevitable. Whether able bodied, rich, poor, moral or not‒ all people returned to dust, bones, and decay.

Rituals like the embalming process always brought you a strange comfort‒ the draining and ejecting, bathing, refrigeration‒ the body incised, emptied of its filth, and sewn back up. Imagining the dissection of a body into each fleshy component relaxed your own‒ as if your cold body lay on a sleek, steel mortuary table, your jaws and eyes sewn shut and the biology of your body ready to be drained. Even if your insides were scraped out for people to see‒ you would not feel shame. No blood to rush to your cheeks, or your aching heart. Your mother had always dismissed this career choice, urging you to find something ‘more within your reach ’.

Your body would be clean from its excrement, scrubbed of all the insides that capsized you from this world, and its people.

Compartmentalization‒ your psychiatrist mentioned. It took you a few tries to correctly register the word in your head when you had gotten the report, you’re not sure if it’s correct. If you did not imagine this scene at least three times a day, you felt like your blood was going to burst forth from your membrane, hot and spastic, like a monstrous clot of nerves. Again. Again. Again. You cleansed this shaking contamination within you with whatever you could do. That’s wrong. You dig your nails into your palm, resisting the urge to lay the papers that were shuffled around by the headmaster on the floor, sorting and checking one by one if they were there. Again, again, again. You imagine an arterial tube weaving through the wounds of your hands, draining the warmth that itched against your skin, the function of your wandering eyes, and the defect of your mind.

“I’ve signed off on everything. Is there anything else I can do for you, Mx.Rosehearts?”

“No, nothing else. Thank you, Headmaster Crowley.”

You gather the stack of papers in your file, you check through‒ quickly‒ your medical records, doctor’s notes, psych evaluations, annotated versions of section 504, interpreter documents‒ a variety of other loose papers that wedge inside the old file as best you can, just in case . Even for such a minute accommodation, lacking a legally recognized diagnosis prepared you for the worst. Rejection‒ a tumble and drag into a system not designed for you in mind. These accommodations were an afterthought after that system was built, something to make you “whole”. There were many experiences in your interactions with school boards that warranted preparations like this, which you scrubbed into your mind and routine. No one will help you‒ not the board, the teachers, your peers, your family‒ you must be prepared to advocate for yourself. There was never room for failure, and you made sure that these accommodations made up for your innate nature to do so in this system.

You bow a perfect ninety degrees before you head out of the office, quietly shutting the door behind you with a soundless exhale. Adjusting the stack of papers in your file, you scurry off to the library to find a quiet corner to reorient yourself. You weave through the various open tables, the large seating area, and the comfortable nooks with beanbags‒ and instead, opt for your usual spot in the corner of the library, where you softly place the file on the desk.

That’s wrong. Again. Again. Again. Again.

You open and close the file four times, feeling a wriggling, hot feeling in your blood that completely halts your mind from moving forward with your process, despite the short amount of time you have until your next class.

No. Again.

With the sixth time, it feels right. You sigh in relief, thanking whatever higher being out there that the process didn’t take as long as before. Medical records, doctor’s notes, psych evaluations, annotated sections, interpreter documents. All in order, all there, only for you to see. A weight lifts off your chest as you shift your eyes around the library, and close the file.

You browse through the section of the library, running your finger along the spines of the books to spot a new read. A mauve leather-bound book catches your eye, the gold letter glinting in the dusty light of the library. Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: Other Lessons From the Crematorium you skim the summary on the back. Satisfied, you work your way to the counter, where the librarian checks out the book with a smile. She pulls out the book slip at the front of the book and a pen.

Riddle Rosehearts.

You almost make a sound at the name, but instead, you quietly chew in your inner lip to provide some sort of grounding for the whirling feeling in your stomach. You feel sick when you write your name in the same cursive as the name above yours‒ just like your mother taught you.

“ Again .” Your mother would say.

You write. She slaps your hand with a ruler, reaching over your shoulder to erase the word.

“ Again .”

You write. She slaps, she erases.

“ Again .”

You write. She slaps, the paper begins to fray from the friction of your eraser, and the tears that run hot down your cheeks. Inertia. Inertia. Inertia. You repeat the word in your mind, trying to mold it with your hands. But the black text above the frayed paper seems to weave together, jumble, congeal. You push the hot coal in the back of your throat, forcing your bruised hand to write.

That’s not right. Again. Again. Again.

Why can't you just do it the way you're told?

Medical records, medical recommendations, psych evaluations, doctor’s notes, annotated sections, interpreter documents. So much extra weight that folder holds that you have to carry everywhere with you‒ just in case .

Again. Again. Again.

You open and close the locker shut, twisting the locker combination each time. At this rate, you know you’ll be late to class, way past your accommodations agreements. You hope Professor Trein won’t make such a big scene.

When you arrive at class, you are miraculously left alone by the professor and your peers. Breathing a sigh of relief, you take your usual seat, finding a practice exam on your desk.

You didn’t properly shut your locker. People are probably stealing your stuff now, breaking your things, tearing your extra records into pieces. You didn’t properly shut your locker. The documents are ruined, and you have to start all over again. You didn’t shut your locker. You grip your pencil, bouncing your leg, digging your nails into your palm. Yes, yes you did lock it. Three times in fact. Still, a voice persists‒ you didn’t do it right. Again. Again. Again. You scratch, and pick at the broken skin of your palm.

Eventually, as you continue staring at the packet‒ you feel a stab at the back of your shoulder. A student jabs forth the packet of papers that were collected from the back with an exasperated face. The papers are basically thrown your way as you add your half blank packet to the pile, swallowing down your anxiety. Trein continues class as usual, going over the review sheet.

“Mx. (Name). A word?”

You freeze in your seat, in the middle of gathering your things for next class. Students’ gaze furl towards you, and you pick at the wound of your palm to calm the rising panic in your abdomen. Begrudgingly, you pack up your things, and head towards Trein’s desk.

“I will excuse your tardiness for today since you have accommodations, but that does not explain the almost completely unfinished practice exam that we took in class. Do you care to explain?”

You refuse eye contact. “I…” There was no way to explain it with any sane sensibility, or without alerting your mother. “I apologize sir. I was distracted. It won’t happen again.”

He sighs, you know he doesn’t believe you. It’s your condition‒ you look to the stack of accommodation letters and agreements tucked under his elbow, and you feel that weight in your chest.

“Please, sir. I’ll do anything to make up for it I‒”

A hand is raised at your response, with a pinch at the bridge of his nose. “It’s…It’s quite alright. I know you are trying your best, considering your… situation . Please finish the packet before you come to class next time.” Trein hands the packet back to you, which you accept with a silent nod.

The situation, the condition, the baggage. There have been many terms used to describe your disablement from the world‒ each more alienating than the other. You draw blood on your palm once more, looking inside the crescent-shaped holes in your flesh. You feel nothing but the trembling deep in your chest.

You sit in the shared space of the Heartslabyul dorm, hoping that body doubling will allow you to finish your workload. Though it takes you some time, you manage to finish your work before the sun sets, and you scurry back into your dorm room to begin your book. As you try to relax, the thought of a missing assignment, a failed exam, a systematic blunter pricks at your skin, spreading and choking your flesh. You read the same sentence over and over, but understand nothing.

Why can't you just do it the way you're told?

You hear a knock at your door, seizing you from your thoughts. You sigh, shove whatever scrap paper that had been lying around into your book, and reluctantly open the door.

Riddle Rosehearts.

You remember him from his perfect handwriting, his words that mirrored your own mothers. You could never get the “R” quite right, something both your brother and mother scolded you for.

“Rule of threes, you understand what will happen when you fail the third time.” Again. Again. Again.

Riddle had always resembled his mother much more than you had‒ in voice, in appearance, in tone. “ Rule of threes, (Name). You know what mother will do to you when you fail the third time .” He extended your mother's violence with all his likeness to her, in his face that would look down upon you with aberration, and his tightened fists that dragged your head to look closer at the paper, and realize your error. Every way he came into contact with you had been wrapped, tightly as flesh, your mother's violence.

You imagine that cold table again, but Riddle’s silvery eyes tethered you to the moment. It was as if you could feel every shifting tendon of your body, every pull of sinew and blood that pumped blood rapidly to your heart, and the back of your ears. But the guilty look on his face reminded you of one of the rare times he had broken mother’s rules. You realized he was as much of a child too, that day. Stretched thin and tall to fill your mothers expectations.

His stare is unbearable, you push through the tension in your throat.

“Can I help you, Dorm Leader Rosehearts?”

You think you see his worried expression, but your eyes dart from his gaze when he looks towards you again.

“You left this on the table in the common room.” He extends you the file that you thought had been safely tucked with your belongings. Your vision begins to distort‒ graying and distancing as you attempt to keep yourself calm from experiencing your literal nightmare . “I thought you wouldn’t want anyone to see it.”

“I…do not, no. I would not wish to shame you, or this dorm.”

Riddle takes a sharp inhale. You unconsciously tightening your body‒ imagining the postmortem stages. Pallor mortis, your blood pools to the souls of your feet. Algor Mortis, your skin feels on fire, and cools dead, limp. Rigor mortis, you stiffen and contract. The nutrients of your body drained, breaking down to gray sludge. You prepare for the breakdown of your body, your psyche, and your soul‒ the wounds on your body are only evidence to your movement through temporality in this system. Livor Mortis, your blood bruises your skin.

“I did not…mean that. I only meant‒ I felt…” He sighs, looking towards the floor. “I’m bad at this. But I didn’t mean that this is something shameful. I only wished to protect your privacy.”

You avert your eyes, unsure of what to do with him wanting to protect you in some sort of way. Perhaps his overblot changed him, but all you see if your mother’s shadow, when you look towards him.

“It’s not important, I apologize for the trouble, Dorm Leader Rosehearts.”

Maintaining his grasp on the file, he attempts to keep this connection going. “There’s so much I need to apologize for.”

You only manage a strangled sound, afraid to pull the file towards you. Afraid of movement, of air, of space, of time, of him. Everything seems to strangle you, you know that it was precisely designed that way.

He cups a hand over your own. You try to repress the tremble in your body from the searing feeling of his palm, too afraid to look, speak, or move. You remain still, like a corpse, hastily trying to turn off your nerves and the bursting blood in your body, slaughtering it, and draining all feeling from your body. It’s been so long‒ your body rushes to catch up. You’re always catching up. Always.

“I don’t want to upset you. I just came to apologize, but I understand if you don’t want to see me.”

Your mouth is sewn with silence, your jaw caught in a tremor in your mouth. Quickly‒ your mind makes the decision to speak‒ mother never liked when you didn’t answer to her questions.

The words scrape through your throat. “I…” A gulp to lubricate the convulsing motions of your esophagus. “Nothing is wrong. I apologize, dorm leader Rosehearts. It will never happen again‒ I apologize‒ I will make up for it. Please.”

His gaze softens. “I’m not asking because I’m asking you to apologize, or make up for anything. I’ve learned some things…I wanted to make up, but, I want to make sure you’re okay first.”

“Are you okay?”

You spare a glance at his face, almost caught in the worried expression adorned on his features. “I don’t understand what the purpose that question serves. I can’t understand…” Still, you worry what will happen if it seems like you blame him for your lack‒ so you shift the weight on yourself once more. “I am incapable…of understanding. I apologize.”

“Hey.” He mellows his voice as much as possible, releasing you from his grasp. “It’s okay.”

“You asked me a question. I was incapable of giving an answer that satisfies you. That is a violation of the rules, is it not?” You retract your hands to your chest, pressing your nails into the wounds on your palm.

Riddle folds his hands, almost nervously fidgeting with them. You almost react visibly with awe at the sight. “Our mother may have been wrong about a lot of things. I only recognized that after I attended here, and made many friends who helped me understand that. I am extremely regretful of the things I’ve done to you, and the things I’ve said. There’s no excuse for the things I’ve done, but I’m sorry. I hope you can forgive me someday‒ I want to reconnect, if you’ll allow me.”

You push the file against your chest. “...I don’t think it will be easy. For me, or for you. Especially for me.”

“Most things that are worth something aren’t. I realized something while I was overblotting.” His cheeks gradually bloom pink, a habit he’s had since he was a child. You remember the color most when he cried, but he looks sheepish. Igniting the same warmth in your cheeks, you look at his feet. Heels, you never noticed. He must be shorter than you. “I missed you. I really did. And I missed what we could have had. I’m sorry I couldn’t have been a better brother to you.”

“I think…I missed you too.” You admit. “I think neither of us can ask for help, we’ve been raised that way. We have drastically different ways of coping with that isolation.”

“I think so too. I have a lot of work to do.”

“ We do.”

Rubbing your arm up and down, you soothe yourself‒ thinking of bodies and corpses, your skin buzzing from the thought of decomposition‒ what grows from them. The fruits of death lay thick and sweet on your tongue, as you stumble through a small smile. Riddle reciprocates.

--------------------------

End Notes:

Obviously this is only a small glimpse into what healing from abuse and trauma is like. But it’s a start. The first steps count.

I’m also in no way shape or form attempting to justify Riddle’s behavior. He’s a complete and total asshole for sure, but he was a kid‒ I definitely see him as capable of change.

The terms Orchid/Dandelion child are relatively new, and I find the pop-psychology approach to it very distasteful (as pop psych usually is. do your fucking research people. PEER REVIEWED ARTICLES!) But I wanted to use the terms to kind of critique the notion of this divide between "resilient" and "nonresilient". It's just a matter of needs, which are different for everyone. Making this hierarchical distinction is arbitrary and often times ableist, as it normalizes a singular, hegemonic way of reacting/experience/compartmentalization/coping. Anyways read more disability studies if you want to know more.

Because I’m not officially diagnosed (my disabilities are not officially recognized by law because for me the disadvantages gross outweigh the benefits, like literally having your human rights stripped away) I don’t know the specific details of acquiring accommodations in a school setting apart from my position as a teacher, but please let me know if there are any errors in the information so I can fix them expeditiously

I also wanted to write about the systematic issues disabled people (particularly those with “invisible” disabilities or those who are “undiagnosed”), I feel like I’ve been experiencing a lot of issues and push back from a system which is not built for disabled people in mind (and often is used against the community in an attempt to eradicate the category). Furthermore, I wanted to explore the aspects in which traditional psychiatry/curative methods are not built for neurodivergent individuals specifically. We often get diagnosed (especially those who have been socialized or perceived as female) with other disorders because of the perpetual stigma against ADHD, and autism in particular. Mainly why I didn’t go the psychology/psychiatry route, despite (one of) my undergrad major(s). It would have been immoral for me to be one, if held up to the current regulations set by the American Psychology Association, or the regulations in my home country. Anyways, lots of problems I wanted to address‒ not sure if I was able to explore them more at length, but I’d like to do more of this in the future.

The book Smoke in your Eyes is a reference to Caitlin Doughty’s book. I highly highly highly recommend her youtube channel and any of her books tbh. She writes/talks a lot about death culture and our perceptions of death throughout history, and creating a more death-positive culture.

I wanted to avoid some of the common stereotypes and misconceptions of OCD, which is predominantly characterized by excessive handwashing, needing things very neat and in place. I wanted to explore the more internal obsessions, rather than focus solely on the external compulsions‒ as I feel like the external behaviors that are often portrayed in media don’t explore the inner workings that make the disorder so hard to live with (and treat).

#twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland angst #twisted wonderland fanfic #twisted wonderland fan fiction #twisted wonderland riddle rosehearts #riddle rosehearts #twst riddle #twst riddle rosehearts #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland scenerios #twisted wonderland sibling

115 notes · View notes

elderberries-and-honey · 25 days ago

Text

Hello, everyone! I hope y'all had a fantastic Halloween and collected all the wonderful treats around here bc I know I did! Now, this being sad, I come bearing some news. Good or bad, depending on your own personal flavor of storytelling Simblr.

I've been playing a save file featuring The Baudelaires with the Life & Death expansion (because HELLO!? Morticians? Victorian spiritualism!? GHOST HISTORIAN!? This pack was MADE from the Baudelaires original flavor y'all!!!) and I have been having such a blast, and I'd really like to share it with you.

So, that being said, we will be starting fresh in the year 1890 and this time, I'm actually going to play with my little Barbies instead of just focusing on storytelling / posing, though that will still be mixed in as well.

We're also still going to be focusing on heavy topics (like Irish history will still be my main focus), and I don't think there's a way around that when telling a narrative rooted in real life history. But I'd like to be able to include a little sims whimsy and fun alongside that as well when I'm able to as a treat for myself in-between the hard times.

Also, I'm going back to my old schedule of posting Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays! That way I can build a nice queue (which I already have quite a bit of ehehe) and also fix my nav/tag system

Ok that's all, thanks for understanding 🫶🏻

#in general even before this I've been having so much fun just playing this game lately even in personal save files #like why did i forget that i love this game and i love playing it #also i'm turning off anon for a bit bc i don't wanna know if anyone is annoyed/disappointed lmao

23 notes · View notes

assignmentimprobable · 3 months ago

Text

Per my last gobbledygook infused post about the excessive use of Stryker’s influence in the X-Men movies, I’ve come with my promised rant. This time taking a deep-dive into some of the more consequential changes to Fox X-Men’s storytelling choices when making movies based on different comics, specifically how they chose to adapt Weapon X in Origins, and all my gripes.

Disclaimer: (1) I know that the Origins movie takes much of its creative liberties based on Wolverine Origins; (2) I know that killing your darlings is necessary when adapting books to the big screen, but there’s the difference between a few darlings and cutting the entire thrust of the story. These are two completely different stories with different audiences, and I’m pontificating informally about a bunch of nothing at the end of the day for my own fun.

That said! Join me for the biggest bitch session about how the movies took on the ‘ohh how did Logan become The Wolverine” angle. This has been an essay for 4 years in the making so. Prepare yourselves accordingly.

Trigger warnings for: Graphic body horror with images, non-consensual nudity, torture, experimentation, sexual assault discussion (not discussed in depth, but touched on in a quote) and blood.

More under the cut

To preface… I don’t consider myself even a passable comic fan. I floated by on X-Men Evolution and the Fox films for my X-Men knowledge until I was an adult. I’ve got some measure of Lore knowledge, but at the end of the day I’m a filthy casual, so jot THAT down. Don’t expect me to know shit about Romulus’s involvement. So I, a fool, went into Weapon X (1991) expecting what I saw in X-Men Origins back in (checks calendar) 2009.

What I find most interesting is that movie adaptations of Weapon X tend to give a badass tilt to what happened, when what actually happened was far from it.

Starting with the first gripe: In X-Men Origins, we see that Logan volunteered for the Weapon X program as a means to get strong enough to beat Sabertooth for killing Silver Fox (Here, Kayla SilverFox. Which. :U ), his girlfriend. It was about single-minded vengeance. In the comic, Logan didn’t have a choice. They caught him while he was drunk, walking out of a bar and presumably on his way back to wherever he was staying.

What happens next is a series of episodes and observations about the state of his body, his nature, and his use as a weapon. Furthermore, it’s not an action comic.

It’s a horror story.

The core changes for the big screen can be boiled down into one paradigm shift: Logan is an active character moving the story along instead of a passive one in Origins. And really, that’s the problem, because a key element to the whole premise has to do with his role in the events that made him who he is. Weapon X is not a story about Wolverine, the characters never actually refer to him by his title, only by first name and project designation “Experiment X”. It’d be more accurate to say that Weapon X is a story that revolves around things that happen to Logan. More precisely: The things that people do TO him. At its core, the story is about the dehumanization that accompanies having your bodily autonomy meddled with.

Origins plays with this a little bit, having Stryker make the call for Logan’s memories to be wiped so that he can be used as a weapon. Which brings us back to the main problem: Not only does it undermine the themes of the story for Logan to be recontextualized as a completely willing participant- but introducing that angle entirely just feels totally flavorless, as opposed to the government having pulled his personnel file and tagged him as precisely the kind of volatile presence that no one would miss. Systems do that all the time, marking people as ‘other’ and making a judgment call on their worth.

I think it would’ve been so much more interesting if the movies played with the ambiguity of Wolverine’s participation in the experiment. Because in an X2 scene, when Logan says “you cut me open, you took my life.”, Stryker responds “you make it sound as if I stole something from you. as I recall it was you who volunteered for the procedure.” and everything comes into question. On one hand, it begs the question: Who WAS Logan before he lost his memory? Was he the sort of person to grasp destructive power for power’s sake? On the other, It’s a classic abuser tactic on Stryker’s part, shifting the blame onto the victim and putting forth the idea that they wanted it, and so that what took place was completely fine. It’s a sickening, spineless rationalization. Logan can easily be seen as an abuse victim being manipulated by the abuser.

Which is actually a good segue to my next point— the abuse in the comic. It’s graphic and uncomfortable. There is a crazy amount of nudity in this story (warning: pictured below). Not the fun kind either, there’s enough of it to make you feel kinda icky about what’s going on.

Logan spends virtually all of the story naked and a good amount of it bound in dehumanizing ways. The method feels weirdly evocative of bondage, muscles flexing and body bare, the form twisted into forced submission. It isn't his choice to be unclothed, and so it feels like you’re not to see him like this. There’s a layer of wrongness to it that you can’t quite shake as a reader.

According to the center for victims of torture: “Forced nakedness creates a power differential, stripping the victims of their identity, inducing immediate shame and creating an environment where the threat of sexual and physical assault is always present.” Nearly all of the elements are met in the story. Logan is drugged, stripped, bound, and subjected to multiple forms of violence. He has hot coffee poured onto his unconscious naked body for no other reason than a doctor’s bad mood. His abuse is justified by his status as a mutant, being told “This infernal thing is what [he] has always been” while left naked and unconscious in a pile of glass shards. The Doctors and staff have all the power, and he himself has none.

At every corner of doubt expressed by Carol Hines the lab tech or Dr. Cornelius the co-project lead, there’s someone ready to express that his identity is inconsequential. That person is typically the lead scientist, Dr. Thornton- or “The Professor”. He’s the menacing bald guy you see in a bunch of different cartoon adaptations of the Weapon X story.

(^ This guy. Like to slap his bald head. Reblog to stab it.)

Autonomy is defined by the Merriam Webster dictionary as “ self-directing freedom and especially moral independence.” It is the capacity to make an informed, uncoerced decision. Here, where Logan is constantly in and out of reality due to the drugs and conditioning equipment, there is no autonomy. Logan is incapacitated, has no information on what is happening to him, and is being fed scenarios that he did not give his permission to be in.The nakedness is part and parcel of what the Weapon X project is trying to do: They are trying to tear Logan away from his identity and personhood. Whether Logan breaks from the programming or not, he is treated as a tertiary consideration in all aspects. Humiliation is necessary to the conditioning. And I feel the need to clarify that it IS humiliation, defined as “to reduc[ing] (someone) to a lower position in one's own eyes or others' eyes.” The doctors must bring Logan down under their heel as a monster to tame, their agenda can’t survive without the subjugation element. The program wants to assume dominion over his body, mind, and by extension his abilities.

Addressing the vaguely sexual tilt to the nudity: I’d wager that the objectification stands to poise him in the eyes of the scientists and lab staff. Something to observe, a passive subject to be engaged with at their leisure. It’s a framing device. Logan is effectively robbed of his voice for much of the story, speaking in broken fragments and more often than not expressing how much pain he’s in. The underpinnings of the nudity are grounded in asserting control over Logan’s form, the Professor at multiple points talks about how this experiment and awakening the animal inside Logan is the latter’s destiny. He has decided that it’s this man’s highest calling because of who he is, a mutant and one of the troubled undesirables of society. Mentally ill, violent, drunk. The purpose of Experiment X is to mold Logan into a mindless beast, because that’s what they think he is, the rest is to strip him of any pretense or illusions about what he thinks he is. It’s an oppressive environment that reinforces its power dynamics through violence on the body and mind.

Next gripe: That really satisfying scene in Origins where Logan breaks free from the adamantium tank and shrugs off the bullet Agent Zero put in his head. It has all the trademarks of cool. The shredded figure of a big dick legend, the angry snarling, the bodies flying and claws slashing. It’s about intention! We are meant to see this man as effectively invincible and totally badass. It’s a short stint of medical malpractice that ultimately brings us the character we look up to and admire. It doesn’t hurt that he’s got a lovely figure and a handsome face either. It’s all pure, bloodless action. The scene on a tonal level doesn’t scratch the surface of how invasive or horrible the experiment was, nor do any of movies seem to capture how fucking GROSS! The closest we get is the sequence in X2 where Logan runs down the hallway naked, hurting, and horrified at what’s been done to him. And to Hugh Jackman’s credit, this brief and bloody snatch of memory leaves people unsettled, asking “What happened here?” This is the first time Logan’s seeing the claws, he doesn’t know what we know about their use now, only that it HURTS and he has to get AWAY. That’s creative storytelling within the limitations of a PG-13 rating.

Meanwhile, with Barry Windsor-Smith…

Having re-read the story a few times for the sake of this essay: I can see on some level why a major studio wouldn’t tackle this in full-fidelity. It’s not marketable in a “Middle of the road, grandparents and little kids can see this movie” way. It’s also fair to say that it’s hard to pivot from, because his involvement doesn’t end with the adamantium bonding. We still have several years of false memory implants, missions with Team X after the successful conditioning, and then getting to a solid stopping point before the X-Men recruits Wolverine. Marketing heads and studio executives don’t want to grapple with a complex trauma narrative and Wolverine being brutalized in deeply un-fun ways nonstop, no matter how compelling it would be to bring to life.

However, it’s a total missed opportunity that in shifting the perspective of the story to Logan as its driving force that the movie didn’t try to get at the juicier quirks of his mental state under the strain. Since you know, it’s the subject of at least 3 PTSD nightmare sequences in the X-Men films where Logan is at the forefront. Experiencing such immense psychological trauma impairs the ability of a victim to cope because of the deficiencies in endorphin activity following a traumatic experience. Volpicelli J, Balaraman G, Hahn J, Wallace H, Bux D. The role of uncontrollable trauma in the development of PTSD and alcohol addiction. Alcohol Res Health. 1999;23(4):256-62. Alcohol is a common method of compensating for the endorphin withdrawal by increasing endorphin activity, avoiding both the withdrawal, and also impairing the parts of the brain that recall memory. Ibid. Considering the detailed abuse in previous paragraphs, it’s no shit that Logan is an alcoholic. The trauma conga line of Wolverine’s history aside, an extended trauma event such as the one in Weapon X alone warrants the kind of hyper-awareness, aggressive outbursts, and self-destructive behaviors that the character is known for. The scene in X-Men 2000 where Logan attacks Jean while she’s putting the IV in his arm makes complete sense, having the context of panels like these behind it.

Is there something to be said here about depictions of masculinity that go out of their way to avoid showing vulnerability? I’d be willing to say so, especially based on the commentary around what the filmmakers wanted for the Origins movie. They wanted to prioritize the action and invoke Robert De Niro’s “oh fuck this guy is scary” factor in Cape Fear, highlighting the sheer badassness and animal edge of the character. He’s sexy, he’s a wounded soul, he’s a killer, and most of all: a Fighter. He gets back at Zero for killing the Hudsons, tracks down Victor and annihilates him with his newfound strength, and kills anybody who gets in his way.

To contrast: There are plenty of points in the Weapon X story where Logan fights and kills. He kills every animal they sicc on him. Slaughters a lab tech who goes into his cell while he’s screaming bloody murder. There’s no victory in it though, because he is doing precisely what the Professor has set out to condition him for. In text, it affirms the view of his abusers that he’s a “Mindless murdering animal.” He slaughters the security team sent to him and most important: He kills the architect of his immediate misery, he kills the Professor, the most satisfying slaughter of the story. But that very same satisfaction is hollow, it’s the product of unreality, false memories being planted into his mind as another part of the experiment. They’re empty for Logan, the subject. He doesn’t get to triumph.

This is the story of an abused man in the thick of that environment, not so much a story about how he beat the odds. It’s hinted at toward the end, but likely not shown because this is a prequel story, and Wolverine’s integration into the X-Men in the modern day IS the triumph. This is a contextual tale. This story can’t be all that there is and it isn’t, because Logan is destined to make it out. The Logan we know is at the end of this, but the Logan in this story is only just beginning down a path of trauma that will rip away his sense of self. The distinction lies in what kind of story both mediums are trying to tell. The tale of victimization, abuse, and dehumanization that is told in “Weapon X” undermines the kind of story that Origins wants to tell, one of a man’s journey down the long road and the choices and intentions that set him on the path to being Wolverine.

With the amount of blood, gore, and misery at work here, some might be compelled to characterize what happens in Weapon X as torture porn. However, Torture porn implies a level of gratuitousness that I just don’t think is present in the story proper. There’s a perfectly good reason for the raw, visceral discomfort and atmosphere: It speaks to the total lack of compassion and empathy in these people. Those who aren’t actively mocking this man are complicit at best, lending their help in a project that they know the subject isn’t a voluntary participant in.

Everyone seems to be in on a joke that Logan is the punchline for. Even if not everyone laughs, the point stands that Logan is stumbling blindly into spectacle for the entertainment and voyeuristic study of the project workers. It all feels like one big horror side-show. Windsor-Smith was doing a thematic breakdown on human apathy and sadism through characters like the Professor, Dr. Cornelius, and Carol Hines. The Professor is sadistic and clinical, he feeds little fish to the big fish and taps the glass for his amusement. Cornelius and Hines are apathetic, they will occasionally express remorse (with Hines crying multiple times), but both of them continue to be active participants in an unwitting man’s abuse and torture. Cornelius because he feels that he doesn’t have any other choice but to be here, and Hines because of her sense of loyalty to the project and general obligations as a staff member. The graphic imagery and out-of-touch quality of Logan’s mental state are meant to evoke compassion, sympathy, and anger in the readers. This is the Wolverine we’re talking about. If it’s one thing he does, it’s fight back. He kills, he gets even, but here? He doesn’t. He can’t. He’s helpless.

It’s an interesting exploration, seeing a major icon for masculine ideals being subject to the sort of objectification that we only tend to see rendered in such explicit ways with female characters. Nobody expects someone associated with such strength to be brought this low. The story doesn’t diminish the value of his suffering or imply that the abuse diminishes him in any way, I never quite got the implication that Logan was less of a man for any of the things that the experiment put him through. It’s absolutely insane for a story written during the Bush Sr. era to be able to tackle the kind of nuance on abuse creating victims across genders that people still struggle with today. Hines, Cornelius, and the Professor are the central drivers of a dialogue on what it means to be human, and through their contributions to Logan’s suffering, they prove that for being the supposed “human” opposites to his mutant monstrous self, only acknowledged as human as lip service, there is an endless capacity for cruelty. It brings us back around to Logan, who in being subjugated has shown the audience that The Wolverine is human too.

TLDR: X-Men Origins fumbled the ball adapting the story in an interesting way and I blame executive meddling. I think it would’ve been a really cool exploration of the character to showcase the horrific parts of the origin story, and if not that, then to explore the various themes highlighted by the original story but that probably would’ve required an R rating, and you know how studios take to those for their big IPs. That said, I cannot recommend reading the source enough. Barry Windsor-Smith tells a damn good story, even if it doesn’t feel characterized by the same quirks of an X-Men tale. Quite honestly? I think that’s the appeal. It’s as much a character study as it is a horror show of all the ways one person can be unmade.

#logan howlett #XMen #Wolverine #weapon x #deadpool and wolverine #Tagging as DPAW specifically for you fic writers who want some character content to study #Stevie Speaks

27 notes · View notes

makeitmingi · 1 year ago

Text

Cause Baby You're My Muse [Chapter 53]

Genre: Romance, Idol!AU, Music, Slight angst

Pairing: Mingi x Reader (y/n)

Characters: Producer!Reader, IdolLyricist!Mingi, IdolProducer!Hongjoong, Idol!Seonghwa, Idol!Yunho, Idol!Wooyoung, Idol!San, Idol!Yeosang, Idol!Jongho, cameo(s) by other celebrities

Summary: You always preferred producing underground, having an unknown face and governed by your own rules. But when you start freelancing for idol groups, you say goodbye to your lone wolf lifestyle as you learn to work with idol producers and lyricists.

Word count: 3.2K

"Are you done with your breakfast?" You asked Haneul. She nodded, going to put her dishes in the sink and washing her hands. You ushered her into the bedroom.

"Sorry, you'll have to stick with me for a bit, baby. Until I get your school sorted out." You told Haneul as you dressed her.

"It's okay, unnie. I can read while you work!" She giggled. You wished you were like Haneul, open and happy to accept the new challenges ahead of you in an entirely new country. But you were scared to do this all on your own. Your support system was gone, this was your new home now.

"Thank you." You kissed her forehead and stood up once she was dressed. Haneul waited patiently for you to get ready. You also packed some snacks for her to have if she'd like.

"Alright. Let's go." You held her hand and left the apartment. You called for a cab to take you to the office building.

"Wow, it's huge." Haneul said in awe, pressed to the window, as the cab pulled up to the building.

"Thanks. Keep the change." You handed the cab driver the money and ushered Haneul out. Habitually, you bowed to the doorman that opened the door for you.

"Hi, can I help you?" One of the guards asked in English, probably cautious of you in a mask.

"Umm, I'm looking for-"

"Producer Indigo!" Someone shouted in Korean. You and Haneul turned around to see a lady rushing over to you. She was dressed in office wear, with files and papers in her hands. You bowed gratefully to the guard and headed over to the woman.

"I'm Kim Yoojin. Nice to meet you, it's an honour." She bowed, reaching out to shake your hand. You chuckled and bowed to her too as you shook her hand.

"This is Haneul." You introduced. Haneul shyly clung to your leg as Yoojin waved to her.

"Come, I'll take you to your studio." Yoojin waved for you to follow her. Haneul held your hand and walked alongside with you.

"We know you're still in the process of getting Haneul situated into a school here. But in the mean time, if you'd like, we do have a kids play area that is supervised for parents that bring their kids."

"That's good to know. Maybe I'll check it out later. Thanks." You nodded your head.

"Here we are. Producers are on the second highest floor, after our CEO's floor." She told you, holding the door open for you.

"We've set up the furnishings of the studio as per your request. The equipment you have sent over from Korea have not been touched, they're still in the packing boxes." She explained. You nodded, looking around the rest of the floor. There was a small coffee and snacks pantry bar right at the front.

"Here we are. Producer Indigo." She opened the door. The door had your name on it. The studio was big, a lot bigger than you had expected it to be.

"So the pantry out front is free for all. This floor is restricted access so you shouldn't have to worry about security." She assured.

"It's a lot bigger than I thought." You noted.

"Our branch in Korea told us to make sure to arrange a big studio space for you during your time here." She smiled. You couldn't help the small snort that escaped you.

"Should have known." You put your bag down. Before you and Yoojin spoke business, you sat Haneul down on the big chair for her to colour of read, she was fine and could entertain herself for a bit.

"Here is your company tag, it will be your access card to different areas around the building." She handed it to you.

"This was a map of the building and your company issued tablet." She laid the items out.

"And this is your company welcome bag, there's a hoodie, zip up jacket, shirts, shorts, all that." She chuckled as you looked through the bag. This was a lot of stuff but you guess it was all for the branding. Even Yoojin seemed a little embarrassed by it.

"If you want any more, just let me know and I'll procure them for you. I'll be your main point of contact since I handled relations between the American and Korean offices." She informed.

"Alright. Thanks, Yoojin." You nodded, putting everything aside for now. It was a lot to handle at one go.

"You've settled into your apartment, okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, it's fine. Thankfully, I've had the past week to settle in. The area is good, safe and there's an asian mart nearby so I don't have to go far to find what I need." You explained.

"That's good to hear. I know it's not easy uprooting and coming here with Haneul alone. But I hope your time here with us is productive and fruitful." She smiled softly, genuinely meaning that.

"I hope so too."

"I'll leave you to unpack and settle in. This is my card with my number. Let me know if you need anything, regarding business or not." She giggled. You knew what she meant, she wanted to be friends outside of work. Maybe you could but now, you were patching up the wall around your heart.

"Thanks for your help, Yoojin. I don't know how I would have managed all this on my own. And putting together the list of schools for Haneul." You bowed.

"Oh, no need to thanks." She blushed.

"Welcome to HYBE, Producer Indigo." She wished with a soft smile before leaving the studio.

In Korea before you left...

Ever since you got that message from Pdogg, asking you if you'd like to sign to Big Hit, you've been transparent and honest with Eden about it. Surprisingly, Eden was more encouraging about it.

"If you really want exposure and experience, Big Hit and HYBE is the right way to go. They're internationally known with great connections. It's a great opportunity, Indigo. I would say, don't be so quick to turn it down, consider it." He told you.

"A good thing about Big Hit is that their foundation is a little like our own. BTS started as they're self-producing idols, I'm sure you know that." He added.

"I know. 3 of their rappers do a lot of producing and lyric writing." You nodded your head.

"So I think it's good. You'll be working with the great producing team there AND the idols themselves, rather than working in a more... song-factory type environment." He chuckled.

"But-"

"You'll always be friends with Ateez and everyone in Edenary. They would want you to do this for yourself." He already knew what you were going to say.

"Thanks for the advice, Eden. I will think about it." You smiled. He nodded and patted your shoulder.

Eden's encouragement gave your courage to actually consider the offer. And after discussing it with Eden, you decided to tell CEO Kim. You didn't tell him because you wanted a raise or extra company benefits. But knowing that he did want you to stay, you wanted to let him know there were other offers.

"I won't break my contract, CEO Kim, I promise that. I'm not sure what my decision is yet but I know for sure I'll work until the end of my contract." You promised.

"That's a relief then, Indigo. Big Hit is a really good company to work in, especially for a budding producer like yourself. A lot of people would have ran to them immediately." He said.

"I wouldn't do that to you, Eden, the Edenary members and the Ateez boys." You shook your head.

"But I do appreciate you telling me." He added.

"Of course, sir. I felt that it was only right to be transparent and honest about it. But as I have told Eden when I first informed him of the offer, could you please keep this to yourself?" You requested.

"Not tell Ateez, you mean?" He chuckled. You nodded your head shyly.

"I just don't want to distract them or make them worry about it. They have a comeback and a lot of other things to think about. I wouldn't want to add to that with this." You explained yourself. CEO Kim nodded and shook hands with you.

"Alright. There's no rush. We'll see what your decision is at the end of the contract." He smiled.

So the two knew since the start about your offer. They never treated you any differently and you kind of pushed it to the back of your mind, especially after getting together with Mingi.

For a while, you did consider staying on, growing alongside Ateez. Not just because you were close friends but also you synergised well musically.

"Unnie?" Haneul stood in front of you, tilting her head in confusion when you saw you spaced out.

"Oh, sorry, baby. Did you need something?" You asked. She shook her head but came up to sit on the couch, her book in her lap.

"I'm going to start unpacking and setting up some stuff. Snacks and water are in your backpack so help yourself, alright?" You smiled softly and reached out to stroke her head. She nodded her head with an excited smile. Since she was distracted with her book, you got to unpacking your equipment.

"Unnie, can I help?" Haneul put her book to the side and got off the couch. She carefully made her way to you, avoiding the items on the floor. She peered at you curiously.

"Can you hand me the blue wire over there? Be careful." You cautioned. She nodded and went to pick up the loop of wires.

"This?" She held it up.

"Exactly. Thanks, baby." You connected your monitor to the rest of the system. With Haneul acting as your little assistant, you managed to set up everything.

"That's me!" Haneul exclaimed happily when she saw you take a photo of her out of the box and put it on the shelf.

"There's big princess." She took the photo out of you and Mingi that you used to have on your desk. When you didn't take the photo from her, Haneul 'helped' you by putting it on your desk since she couldn't reach the top shelf.

"Haneul..." You didn't know what to tell Haneul. No matter what happened, you wanted her to have a good impression of Mingi and still 'like' him.

"Do you not want big princess' photo?" She faltered a little, clutching onto the photo as if she was worried she had done something wrong.

"It's fine, baby. Thank you, you're a great helper." You smiled softly, reaching out to pat her head.

You had found a group photo at home, left on the counter. It was you and the boys at M Countdown, during your first win. You've never seen the photo before but found it when you were unpacking.

'I got the photo developed and printed for you to preserve the memory of your first M Countdown win! Congratulations, baby! To many more wins together!

9 makes 1 team

- Mings ♡'

Mingi's handwriting was on the back. Then it dawned on you that was how he found out. He probably went to your studio to find you and found it empty, which led him to your home, catching you in the midst of packing your home to leave. It was still a fresh, hurtful memory that made you choke when you thought about it.

Some of the boys were still trying to reach you through messaging apps. They stopped trying to call, probably knowing that you were overseas either from the dial tone or from Mingi.

The only one you've been in contact with was Jongho. And that's only because you didn't want to break his relationship with Haneul.

"Can I eat my snacks, unnie?" Haneul asked.

"Of course but not too much, we'll go get some lunch soon." You nodded, breaking out of your thoughts. You continued setting up your studio, arranging the smaller items like your notebooks.

"Also, if you feel tired, you can sleep." You told her, knowing she was still adjusting to the time difference.

"I'm not sleepy." She pouted.

"Alright." You chuckled. You knew very well that she would be tired later. Opening the small boxes of drinks that was ordered for you, you stocked the mini fridge. There was a small tray you put on top to put some of your favourite snacks too.

"This calls for a small break. Want to go explore the building, baby?" You asked her, going to get a wet tissue to wipe the snack crumbs from her hands. She beamed and nodded excitedly.

"Let's go wash our hands properly first. And pee." You ushered her to the bathroom. When you were done, you navigated to the cafeteria.

"Wow! There's so much food!" Haneul looked up at you.

"Yeah... So many options..." You scratched your head, feeling a little overwhelmed and unsure of where to start. Haneul wanted to see all the options before making a decision.

"If you want something, we'll stop and order that." You informed. Haneul peered over the counter at all the food.

"Cream pasta!" She pointed happily.

Since you had your mask on, you got all the food in to go boxes, intending to eat in your studio. Haneul didn't seem to mind, even offering to help you carry two of the food boxes. You couldn't really decide so you got a selection of a few items that you knew Haneul would be more than happy to try.

"Could you press the lift button for me, please?" You requested. Haneul balanced two boxes in one hand, helping you press the button for the producer floor.

"There we go." You laid out all the food on the coffee table, pulling your chair over so Haneul could take the couch.

"So, baby, we've been here for a little over a week. What do you think?" You asked.

"I like it! Even if the clocks here are backwards." She scratched her head as she took a mouthful of pasta. You laughed, she was referring to the time difference.

"Well, I'm glad you like it here. It'll take a while for us to get used to living together and being in a new home." You said.

"I like living you with you, unnie." She giggled.

This was what you've been working towards since Haneul came into your care as a baby. For the time where she would be able to live with you and you could support her. And now, you didn't have to fear the threats or look over your shoulder, worried about her safety.

"I like living with you too, Haneul. I'm glad we can finally live together like a family." You smiled softly, reaching out with a napkin to wipe the sauce off her cheek.

"But we're not a full family." She stated.

"What do you mean?" You blinked in confusion.

"Because the oppas aren't here. They're our family too but they're in Korea so we're not a full family." She shrugged, poking a chicken nuggest with her fork to eat. You froze at her statement.

"R-Right..." You stuttered and forced a smile. She didn't notice how you faltered, more interested in the food selection.

Despite setting up her calls with Jongho, you never spoke to him. It was best to keep it this way. If you spoke to him, you were afraid that you might be tempted to ask how the others were, to know how Mingi was holding up. But you knew you didn't have the right to ask since you were the reason he wasn't in a good condition.

So you "avoided" catching up with Jongho, only exchanging hi's and bye's before you handed the device to Haneul for her to speak to him.

You figured he didn't tell the others he was still in contact with Haneul. Maybe it was best to keep it that way.

Like you told Seonghwa, you would give it a while before contacting them to start up a conversation and let them know that you were okay. You needed to be away for a while.

"You know, baby, I saw some yoghurt outside at the snack bar. Shall we go get some as snacks later on?" You brought up.

"Yes! Yes!" She cheered.

"Joong oppa and I always share yoghurt. He should have a yoghurt fridge at work too so he can have all the yoghurt he wants." She thought out loud, ending with a happy giggle.

"Maybe..." You nodded slowly, picking at your food.

After the lunch food was finished, Haneul was a great helper with cleaning the table and bringing the empty food boxes out. She got some colouring out to do. While she was distracted with that, you sat down and began to do some work.

'How's America? - Eden'

'Eden! It's great to hearing from you. I've spent the last week or so unpacking and settling into the apartment. Today's my first day of work so it's also just been unpacking equipment. - Indigo'

'I'm glad you're settling in well. I met some of the Big Hit producers for dinner the other day and EL CAPITXN is excited to have song camp with you. - Eden'

'I'm really not that good... I'm gonna be a nervous wreck when it comes to my first song camp. - Indigo'

'We all know you'll do fine. - Eden'

'And now that you're in America, there is a whole different culture there with the way they work. It'll be a good chance for you to learn some things from them. - Eden'

'Agree. Thanks for keeping in touch, Eden. Even thought I told Seonghwa I wouldn't be contacting them for a while. - Indigo'

'That's understandable. You might drop everything and run back to Korea. - Eden'

'That's exactly what I told him. - Indigo'

You didn't chat with Eden for too long. You were both busy and you already had some work to do. The work you were given was from the Big Hit in Korea. You were just working and staying in America to learn from the producers here and gain some experience in working with as many people as possible.

"Hey, baby. Do you want some-" You stopped mid sentence when you turned around to see Haneul asleep. Her head bobbed as she slept, her colour pencils around her while the book stayed in her lap.

"Told you, you would be tired." You chuckled, standing up to go to where she was. You carefully cleared the pencils and colouring book.

Once you were able to lay her down, you put her rabbit and giraffe in her arms, grabbing the blanket to cover her.

"Sleep well, baby. I love you more than you know." You kissed her head, making sure she was tucked in properly. Before going back to work, you dimmed the lights.

"Okay, where were we?" You sighed and put your headphones over your ears.

Series Masterlist

111 notes · View notes