#so i can post more if anyone wants to see them

[northwest-cryptid]

So I realize that a lot of people might take this response in bad faith, and while I don't have a catch-all answer to the problem. I do want to state a few things I've seen and that I fear we in the left are chronically bad about. I genuinely hope that people won't view this as some ignorant idiot running their mouth; and rather as someone who's looking to help, because what I'm going to ask of you sounds a little accusatory.

A big thing is that you have to stop with the generalization. I've heard people say "but they do it" and "but it IS most of them" and such. I get it, I get it but you can't say "Cis, Straight, White Men are bad" and then expect the good Cis, Straight, White Men to still stand up for you. I've always been told "but the good ones won't care!" Yes, they will.

I was once told by a Rightwinger on a forum that "the Left are a powerful force in converting people to be conservative." When I asked him about what he meant exactly; he explained (with the use of far too many slurs and insults I'll be omitting) that essentially when otherwise Left-Leaning individuals see the way Leftists talk about them or people like them, it's very easy for Rightwingers to sweep in and basically say "we're not going to judge you like that." Of course they hide the fact they will judge you in other ways, but for that moment; they are a beacon of shelter from the otherwise very loud mob of Leftists who would deem you literally the most inherently bad person for being... a cis man.

Am I saying you have to go out there and start forgiving every bigot, humoring every fuckboy; stop holding sexists accountable for their bullshit? Absolutely not. In fact, what I'm asking you to do is stop firing a shotgun at a target that can only be hit properly with a sniper rifle. I'm asking you to stop giving the bad actors a scapegoat. I'm asking you to be specific.

If you take a young man, who doesn't have any concept of things like gender identity, the patriarchy, homophobia, etc. You take that young man and you look him in the eyes and you tell him:

"Men are a disgusting and violent gender, men do not deserve respect. The only good man is a fictional man. All men deserve to be treated poorly, women shouldn't have to put up with men. Cis men are the worst. Straight Cis Men should go to hell."

He's going to become a conservative rightwinger, because at least they won't hate him for being a man. They'll just hate him for being the wrong kind of man. It's easier for that man to seek acceptance through forcing others to be below him, than for him to accept that he is inherently a problem. If you instead literally word it as:

"Sexists and bigots, who would view women as nothing more than objects are disgusting. Anyone who would look down on, and see someone as lesser because of their race, gender identity, or sexuality does not deserve respect."

Well now he's not a target. Because he doesn't see women that way, he doesn't have racist thoughts; he's not currently a bad person and you're not talking about him. Now I know that a lot of people say "but I'm NOT talking about people like that!" I know that, you know that; you know who doesn't know that? The young man who's reading your posts, the young man who hears you at the store, the young man who read your forum response 3 months ago. What they see, plain as day is "men are a problem" and they're going to seek shelter from that.

Unfortunately for everyone involved; the shelter they end up finding so many times is conservative rightwingers. There are tons of people you can hear talk about this on youtube and forums, people who got indoctrinated because they would rather be praised for being a man than hated for it.

Now you might not talk this way, a lot of people don't; but a lot of other people DO. I see a lot of "the only good man is a trans man" or "the only good man is a fictional man" type posts, and even if you want to say it's just a meme or it's all a joke. You need to understand that when you speak generally, a man, especially a young man is going to see that and react to it. It's going to shape their idea of how the Left, who you represent to them whether you want to or not; see them.

If a young man who currently is unaligned on either side of the political spectrum sees a bunch of gay and trans people shitting on men for simply "being men" and not for the patriarchy, not for the sexism, not for male privilege and all that. Not actually educating anyone, not speaking out about the injustice; not discussing toxic masculinity or anything that may even shine a light on the issues people face. Just saying "men suck" and leaving it at that. Only to then see a bunch of Rightwingers saying all those gays and trans people are stupid and they are bad people and they hate men for no reason. That young man is going to make a no-effort decision in that moment to side with the people who do not openly hate him.

It's genuinely that easy for someone to become indoctrinated. Once they're in, they're rewarded for thinking less, promoting the ideals that promise them a higher spot on the social ladder; and generally following the mentality that Leftists are bad, and Rightwingers are good. They keep digging themselves into that hole trying to find a place they belong, somewhere they won't be hated; somewhere they don't need to feel guilty and wrong for just being who they are. Until they learn that the Right also thinks they're bad and wrong, they're a "beta" because they haven't fucked someone yet, they're a "soyboy" if they're not benching 200 pounds, making six figures, and banging a new girl each week. So now the urge for acceptance has shifted. Being a man means nothing if you're not "the right kind of man" if you're not an alpha, if you're not a sigma male then you're not good enough.

Go figure now they start viewing women as objects. That's not a woman, that's a ticket to not being a beta virgin anymore. She can be bought, she can be manipulated because he's an "alpha" he has money, he has control; he's a man. He's been taught all of this, he's been taught that "bitches don't matter." He's been told that working out and having money can get him any woman he wants. He's been taught women are dumb, that they're materialistic; that they don't matter outside of being a quick fuck. If someone tells him off, or doesn't like him it's because "she's a crazy bitch." I was once told "men don't have friends, men have competition." This is how they're taught.

So now you approach this man in some attempt to help him understand the faults in his ways. The problem is he's been convinced for the last so many odd years that by simply being a Leftist, or by being gay, or by being trans; you're wrong. Before a single word leaves you mouth. Because "all Leftists are special snowflakes who just get triggered by everything." Which unfortunately the internet has "proved" to him because of those videos of gay people screaming at cameras, or posts that generalize all straight/white/cis men to be bad people.

Again, this isn't some catch all solution. It's not going instantly turn the tide or something, but you have to stop using general terms. Be specific; don't say "men" say "Sexists" if what you mean is "sexist men" then say "sexist men." Because when you just say "men" you do imply "all men, including you; the man reading this." Whether that's what you mean or not. I don't believe that men are inherently born with a want for things like sexism and racism. I really don't believe men are some inherent evil born with bad intentions. I believe it's a combination of the way the popular culture tells them they should be something great; and the way the Left tell them they're a horrible person for how they were born. That's a fast track for becoming a "Crypto Hitler."

I cannot tell you how many genuine conversations I've been able to have with Rightwingers, where I've been able to sort of get them to see my side of things even just a little. Because I didn't point a finger at larger audiences. I was talking to a man on a forum just a few days ago about the inherent issue of sexism in an abortion ban. I made sure to use the word "sexists" and the word "men" as separate entities. When I was discussing how men have bodily autonomy that women don't, I would say just that; when I mentioned that sexists want to control a woman's body I would also say just that. He still mentioned several times "Well I never said I wanted to do that." To which I had to point out to him that I never said he did, I said Sexists did; so if he wasn't in fact Sexist then the shoe doesn't fit.

My goal in all of that was to absolve him of blame; but only so long as he didn't fit the bill for the sort of people who deserved the blame. I let him see it as a matter of simple fact. No different than saying "if you didn't shoot this man then you're not the murderer." I didn't say "everyone with a gun shot this man and therefore everyone with a gun, including you; is in fact the murderer." Because doing so would cause nothing but argument. Rather I treated the whole thing as though he couldn't have possibly been at fault right? By the end of it he came out of it saying that abortion still goes against his religious beliefs; but that he can understand how it's specifically a women's issue; and how there should be further discussion about the effects of abortion as a treatment that could potentially save lives. Crazy how that works right? I got a Rightwinger to admit that hey, abortion isn't an issue men should be speaking on. All because I ensured that he didn't feel as though I was pointing a finger specifically at HIM as a man, for being the problem; and instead let him come to the conclusion of whether or not he specifically fit the mold of a "sexist" or a "man." He told me that I was a lot smarter than "those autistic leftists" but he never knew I in fact am an autistic Leftist. That's literally just because in his mind he knows what an "Autistic Leftist" is, what they will say; how they will act, how they'll react. By not being that stereotype; he couldn't just label me some buzzword and write off what I was saying. In his eyes I was a man with a wife and was merely concerned over the safety of our wives and daughters.

Sometimes that's what it takes to make someone see things your way, if I explained to him that I'm a pansexual genderfluid individual who never intends to have children and just believes women should have the right to bodily autonomy for the sake of bodily autonomy the same as cis men have; well he'd probably write me off immediately.

I'm not saying you have you hide who you are, I'm not saying you have to appeal to their bigoted whims and humor their insults. However I am saying that you need to conduct yourself in a way that's going to show young men that you care about them too. That even the young cis white straight men have a place in a Leftist society; that they won't be hated for simply being true to themselves, how they identity; and how they love. That what we want is equality for everyone; and specifically what rights they have for simply being those things, that the rest of us don't for simply being who and what we are.

tl;dr We can save a lot of young men from becoming Crypto Hitlers if we actually stop talking about men in general like they're already Crypto Hitlers.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

[the-modern-typewriter]

Not an ask, I just wanted to tell you I love, love, LOVE your snippets. It always makes me happy to see a new post by you on my dash, then I know I'm in for a treat. I especially love your villains, they're so much more than just "the bad guy". I always find myself wanting to know more about them, even though they send a chill down my spine and I know I'd be terrified to run into them in a dark alley at night. Thank you for sharing your genius!

"Has anyone ever told you that it's a dangerous idea to walk down dark alleyways alone at night?"

The villain was well-concealed in the crisp evening, leaned slim as a shadow against the wall.

The air stank of a mixture of oncoming snow and the garbage bags piled up and threatening to spill. It wasn't, the hero thought, the sort of place that really suited the villain. They seemed the type best made for pristine conference rooms and expensive penthouse lairs. Spacious. Glittering. Cold, corporate monstrosity.

"Yes," the hero said. "But then I wouldn't have the pleasure of running into you, would I?"

"Is that what this is?"

"You don't think so?"

"I'm always a delight, but few fully recognise that facet of my personality. Most instead, should they choose to see me in a dark alleyway, walk swiftly in the opposite direction."

"Mm." The hero shook their head. "I admit, your general habit of instilling terror in everyone can sometimes overpower other impressions."

"But not with you."

"Oh, I'm crapping myself. Speaking of. If I aim my phone at you so I can see you properly are you going to hiss at me like a feral cat, eyes glinting, and scurry away? Or am I just going to spontaneously combust for daring to look at you? The rumours vary."

"No one would ever dare call me a feral cat, dear."

"Not in as many words. But you are sort of lurking in the shadows and stalking me, so I think its apt."

The villain snapped their fingers. A ball of light appeared shining at the tips, illuminating the few metres between them. None of the usual rats or cockroaches went skittering away from the villain's immaculate shoes, everything was eerily still, so the hero figured they (like most creatures) were smart enough to keep their distance. Vanish somewhere else, if they could. Hold their breath. Hide.

The hero eyed them and resisted the urge to move closer.

The villain offered a soft, mocking, snake-like hiss.

"You wanted to see me," the hero said instead. "At least, I assume that's why you're lurking outside of my workplace and doing the aforementioned stalking routine. You could come inside, you know. I don't bite."

"I do."

"You're not beating the feral cat allegations."

"If I came inside, your colleagues would pass out or start screaming. It would be a whole thing and I'm not working right now."

"Well-" The hero had no good answer to that. 'It would make my shift go faster' was not a good answer. "Anyway. My break is only ten minutes. What do you want?"

"To see you," the villain said. "Talking with you is a debatable experience."

"Wow, rude."

"You followed me out here. I was happy looking."

"Well, I wasn't just going to leave you to it!"

"Most people wouldn't notice."

"Good for most people," the hero huffed. "Do you want an autograph and a picture so you could take it away and maybe the photo would last longer than looking at me?"

"Yes, if you're offering."

The hero stared at them. The villain stared back.

"...I'm not offering," the hero said, after a beat. "God knows what you'd do with my signature."

The villain snorted. Their head tilted as they studied the hero, twirling their fingers idly, making the light shift and cast the world in strange uneasy fragments.

"Come to dinner with me," the villain said, after a long moment. "After your shift."

"I thought talking with me was a debatable experience."

"Yes. And I'm debating."

"Does inviting people to dinner normally work for you after you insult them?"

"Yes."

"Because most people are afraid to say no."

"Yes."

"No."

The villain smiled. At least, in the light, it looked suspiciously like a smile. There and gone in an instant. The hero couldn't tell if it reached the villain's eyes, cast in the alleyway gloom as they still were. It shouldn't have made a thrill run down the hero's spine, but it did.

"Another night," the hero said. "Maybe. When I'm not working."

"You're always working, be it here or in your adorable crime-stopping ways."

"Adorable doesn't win you any points either."

"I'm not trying to win points with you."

"But you're trying to take me to dinner. Why?"

"Novelty. I make a point to invest heavily in my own amusement."

"And I'm amusing you."

"You're...intriguing me. Whether you say yes or no," the villain said. "So entirely up to you if you want the free dinner or not."

"I can afford my own dinner."

"Is that why you're so skinny?"

"Again," the hero said, because the only other option was to be rendered speechless at the villain's audacity. "Rude."

"Politeness is for people too weak to say and do what they like. Dinner on Wednesday then?"

"They say you're horrifying. No one told me you were also insufferable."

"Well, most people are attached to keeping their tongues, so that's not really surprising." The villain continued, waving a dismissive hand, before the hero could possibly respond to that nightmarish gem of a comment. "They say you're generally brave and lovely, but five minutes alone with you already makes it clear that there's something desperately wrong with you or you would never have followed me here."

The hero spluttered.

"Death wish?" The villain asked curiously. "Adrenaline junkie? I didn't think you were especially stupid, but it's hard to tell watching you from the other side of the street."

"You really are something, huh."

The villain flicked the light off their fingers in the hero's direction in response. When the light reached them it didn't hurt, only popped like a bubble against their nose. They were plunged into darkness.

When the hero raised their phone, the villain was off the wall and right there in front of them.

The hero sucked a sharp breath, eyes going wide.

"As are you," the villain said. "Most people would have flinched."

The hero swallowed.

They felt suddenly infinitely aware that the silent darkness was also beneath the villain's power, as much as the light was, swallowing up every inch of space around the two of them one way or another. Who knew what was the villain's and what was just there.

Dangerous to walk down a dark alley indeed, as if it was the dark or the alley that was the real problem.

The hero had never felt so damningly alive.

"Wednesday," the hero said. "Tell me where to meet you."

"It's a date."

The rest of their shift passed in a blur.

[crystallilytarot]

MDNI 18+ post

What are their most common fantasies of you? (can be future spouse, crush, anyone you are thinking about)

Choose a pen!

Pile 1

They seem to quite playful, and they see you equal, so either nobody is a real dominant or submissive, or it depends on the mood, so they can be switchy. You are sweet together and in love with each other, so it's most likely romantic, but still passionate sex. But with the playfulness, can be some roleplaying, and I think a little breeding or pregnancy kink too. Also quite a lot dirty talking, and oh, they are good at it!

Pile 2

I think they can be older or more experienced, but even if not, they still would like you to act innocent. A soft dom type. Dirty talking, but it's not always very dirty, it's more about them saying hot things, maybe even orders and praising you. They want to relax with you too, giving massage to each other, and it escalates quickly. They basically want to have a lot of sex with you and give you a lot of orgasm. But they have a lot of fantasies about you actually.

Pile 3

Don't get me wrong, they have feelings for you, but still fantasize about jealous sex. They want something very passionate, a little bit rough too. Lots of orgasm, maybe a little cum play. In the shower or a jacuzzi, something with water. Maybe in a semi-public place, probably in the nature, in a garden. And also something romantic, your first night together, your honeymoon.

[astrasng]

ᝰ.ᐟ NCT DREAM as The 1975 songs

a/n: this is my first group as songs post, but i'm planning on doing more for other groups too! if anyone has requests, please don't be afraid and send them in my inbox! <3

also i would like to add that in this post there may be mentions of toxicity, BUT i have no intention saying that person is toxic.

please, enjoy! <3

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ MARK as Then Because She Goes.

The song is specifically a dreamy, romantic anthem for someone who wants to confess their love. The rhythm and the lyrics perfectly symbolizes Mark as someone who is in love with music. His feelings are so strong and complex that he finds it easier to fill a paper with his thougths and then write a song about it. He would definately do this, if he feels overwhelmed about his thougths inside his head.

For Mark I would also say She's American and Oh Caroline.

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ RENJUN as Fallingforyou.

The song is about a person falling for someone, sharing the persepective of beautiful, harmonic feelings. I think when Renjun loves someone, the happening itself has a soft atmosphere around it, giving the person all he has just to love his partner truthfully and wholely. Renjun would take a moment when he realizes he had fallen in love, soaking in his feelings about his partner and wondering what beautiful things he can do with his other half.

For Renjun I would also say So Far.

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ JENO as Somebody Else.

Somebody else lyrically deals with the after-effects of a breakup, and overswing over the idea of the former lover’s new relationship. The song describes being caught between the various emotional phases one experiences after the end of a relationship. Jeno loves dearly, his feelings strong towards someone he loves. He has a hard time letting go his partner, acceptting they had found a new person to call home.Despite the jealousy, deep inside he would feel solace of seeing that his former lover is not lonely.

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ HAECHAN as Be My Mistake.

The song mainly focuses on an insignificant hookup during a relationship, or even after one. This reflects on being young and careless, not knowing what we want in real life. Haechan appears to be a bold person, his personality eager with experiences and wants. Haechan being a young free mind, could often get him into not thinking through things, feeling the aftermath of the mistakes he had done. But mistakes often wake people up to realize what they already have. He could make mistakes in life, but in the end, he is that kind of person who appreaciates what he already has.

For Haechan I would also say The Sound and Oh Caroline.

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ JAEMIN as About You.

About you is strongly based on the sensations when you are deeply in love. Jaemin's feelings for someone is treasured, his memories documented often in pictures as being a photographer. But as the song tells, the singer describes how he still remembers why he loves his partner. Jaemin would be like this too, going through hardship in a relationship but nevertheless stating the obvious, he is in love. Even if life would get in a way, he wouldn't forget his partner, and why he loves them. Rectracing situations and memories of what made him happy, the things he misses in life.

For Jaemin I would also say All I Need To Hear or You.

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ CHENLE as A Change Of Heart and Robbers.

For Chenle I chose two songs. A Change of heart shows the reality about falling out of love, along with Robbers, which shows the toxicity side and how destructive it can be. I think Chenle as being an idol would be too distracting for him to really pay attention to a relationship. Doesn't matter how much he doesn't want to admit, it robs him and his partner from actually having the feeling of love towards each other,realizing that they have much more to experience in life.

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ JISUNG as Me & You Together Song.

The song is tender, an act of being young and in love. Jisung being the naive and youngster he is, he would fall in love with the idea of being in a domestric bliss with his partner. The song features the dreams and fantasies one has to another, the feelings not reciprocated. I think Jisung has suffered in this in the past, or will in the future. I think the upbeat rythm fits Jisung, the 1990s and early 2000s vibe naturally drawn to him. The song has a nostalgic feeling to it, and I think this song is what it would be like remembering back to Jisung after a breakup.

[scarlet-bernard]

This is pretty much what I've been saying. This country hates women more than it hates that fascist rapist.

This country literally chose a rapist over the countless women he's assaulted. This country chose a rapist over their own daughters. Our country looked at the man that promised that we 'wouldn't need to worry about voting ever again' and 'we'll use the military against the enemies within' and said yes, we prefer this over an educated woman.

Our country and our men hate us. Our women hate themselves. I don't even understand how we could allow this asshole back into office, and yet here we are. Again. Everyone except rich, white men are going to get their rights ripped away from them. This orange asshole is more prepared this time and the people who voted for Trump, third party, or didn't bother to vote at all are at fault.

And I am very angry at that group. And moving forward I will be very unsympathetic with that group moving forward.

So many people are going to lose their lives because of that. (I'm not talking to any minors or people who were unable to vote due to external reasons mind you).

NO. your gas won't be cheaper. But thank you for letting me know that my rights and my life mean so fucking little to you.

NO. you still won't be able to buy a house. But thank you for letting me know you're okay with the women in your lives being raped.

I think my parents said it best, men get to choose the next mother of their children now, repercussions be damned. Because there really won't be any. Look at our next president! He IS a rapist and apparently none of you give a singular fuck.

The men in my hometown are excited because of this by the way. And they talk about it, you can hear them in stores and public areas. So fuck you.

If you voted for Trump? Unfollow me and block me.

If you voted for third party? Unfollow me and block me.

If you didn't vote at all and you could have? Unfollow me and block me.

I DO NOT want to be associated with ANYONE that is okay with people losing their rights and their lives. My page is not a safe fucking space for you and it will never be a safe space for you.

Women I think it's time to partake in the B4 movement. I touched on it last night in a different post but it's time. It's a movement that started in South Korea. Here's what it entails. We don't date men, we don't marry men, we don't have sex with men, and we don't have children with men.

If and when you look it up, it is NOT a radical movement. We are seeing exactly why South Korean women partook in this movement.

Even IF Kamala had won, the amount of votes, especially from men proved to me that we were never as safe or cared for as we thought and have been told and I'm over it.

It's time to be angry and stand together as women. Men don't like us anyway. I am leaning into 4B. Leave your shitty husband's before Trump takes office if you can. It's time to be angry.

both times this fucking asshole, this fucking fascist criminal is gonna become president is after winning against women. not against a party or ideology but women. people really do hate women huh. a fascist is okay. a criminal is okay. everything he says, does and represents is okay. just as long as it's not a woman leading the country.

[pepperonijem]

II. the song's about to start (can you feel it?) || to.you

"... I'm about to fall for you."

summary: Creative constipation. That's what Levi calls the feeling he gets when he realizes he wants to write about how he feels about you. What does he feel about you? That's... inconclusive, he thinks. pairing: Levi Ackerman x gn!reader content: alcohol consumption, levi is a bumbling mess of feelings, cursing songs mentioned: partners in crime - finneas, (only) about love -grentperez, buzz - niki || the title of this chapter comes from the song buzz

A/N: I've never written anything that made me blush and twirl my hair the way this chapter did. why am I the one catching feelings rn. should I post the playlist?

let me know if you'd like to be tagged! comments and rb's are appreciated :)

previous chapter || masterlist || next chapter

Hange Zoe is the worst person to have in the car when all you want to do is think.

The thought popped into Levi’s mind as he swatted at a wandering hand reaching for the volume dial on his dashboard. A groan sounded from beside him and Levi rolled his eyes in return. Hange was a regular in the front seat of his car, and to his dismay, felt much too comfortable touching everything they could on the dashboard. Their chair was leaned back absurdly far and the vents on the air conditioning seemed pointed in every which direction. 

“Levi, I like this song,” they huffed as they reached forward to mess with the volume again. With a sigh Levi gave in and looked forward to the drive home in silence.

He tapped his fingers against the wheel as Hange sang along. Croaked, more like. Hange had a melodic singing voice, but that wouldn’t be obvious to anyone hearing them right now. But Levi was used to this, and although he pretended to be annoyed by it, he really didn’t mind. He liked this song too and he hummed along, quiet enough that Hange wouldn’t notice.

“You couldn’t look any more like a lover Or a partner in crime Or something of mine”

The song ended and Hange reached over to turn the volume down. Levi was thankful, but realized if the radio volume went down, Hange’s would have an inverse effect. They looked over at Levi whose eyes were trained on the dark and empty 3 a.m. freeway ahead of him.

“You know,” Hange began with a smirk in their voice and Levi tensed, steeling himself for whatever nonsense would escape his friend’s lips. “Miche said he saw you dragging Eren’s friend upstairs earlier.” Levi’s hands grew tighter on the wheel and Hange didn’t miss the flush of red that appeared on his cheeks as Levi remembered the brief feeling of your skin on his. Hange’s laugh is grating, Levi thought.

He chose not to say anything. A mistake, really, as now Hange had found an opportunity to fill in the blanks on their own.

“Mr. Ackerman, I never took you for the frat-party quickie type,” Hange continued, laughing to themselves. “Especially not with people you write songs about.”

“Shut up,” Levi huffed. “It wasn’t a quickie, I was–”

“Oh so you took your time,” Hange cut him off with a playful slap to his shoulder. Somehow he felt his face heat up some more. Thankfully, they weren’t too far from Hange’s home.

“We were looking for those two other brats that hang around Eren,” Levi tried to speak up over the sound of his friend’s guffaws.

“I’m just teasing, you grump,” Hange finally relented. They waited a beat before continuing. “But that new song of yours was definitely about them right?”

Levi thought for a second before answering, even though he knew Hange already knew what he’d say. He simply nodded in response.

“Knew it,” They spoke again. The teasing lilt in their voice was replaced by something softer. “It’s been a while since you’ve written anything new. It felt new.” 

“What do you mean?” Levi asked curiously. He’d always had a particular style when it came to writing songs, and Hange had known him long enough to see it become what it was. He didn’t particularly intend to write anything different, he just… wrote as he always did.

Hange leaned against the window, thinking to themself. “I’m not really sure myself,” they finally answered after a beat. “It just felt more like you, I guess.” 

The last time Levi wrote a new song was when Erwin was still part of their band. 

Last spring, right as the trees were beginning to turn into various shades of light pinks and pastels, Erwin asked them all to stay after practice to talk. It was an unusual rehearsal from the start, and Erwin seemed nervous much unlike his usual calm and collected self. His blonde hair was ever so slightly disheveled and he wore sweatpants instead of his nicer trousers that he usually wore to save time before heading to his office internship after practice.

Erwin clumsily missed notes that he had never missed before, and Levi was more shocked than anyone else to see the founder of their band fumble around like he’d never held a bass before. So when it came time for them to talk, Levi was intrigued and surprised again when he finally spoke.

“I’m getting married,” Erwin blurted out without his usual level of tact.

“You’re–”

“What–”

“Married–”

Hange, Miche, and Levi all spoke at once and Erwin let out a sigh of relief that melted into a soft laugh, as if a weight had finally been lifted off his shoulders.

“Married?” Levi asked again.

Erwin nodded with a sheepish smile before explaining. “You’ve all met my girlfr— fiance before. We’re both graduating next semester. She got accepted to a music conservatory overseas and my internship offered me a position at their branch in the same city, it just feels like the stars were aligning. It all feels like a sign.” In the many years he’d made music with Erwin, learned his cues and learned his melodies, he saw that Erwin spoke with a twinkle in his eye that Levi had only ever seen when he spoke about his fiance.

“I’m sorry to announce I’m leaving the band like this,” Erwin continued. “But I’ll help you find a replacement before I leave. In fact, I already have someone in mind.”

That’s how they found Eren, a friend of Erwin’s fiance who played in the university orchestra with her. They watched his end of year recital and sat through his flawless performance of a cello concerto by Saint-Saëns.  It all happened rather quickly after that and without even auditioning, the passionate but impulsive brat had become their new bassist.

After going out for a round of drinks at the local pub to celebrate Erwin’s news, Levi found himself outside on the patio, resting his elbows against the railing and thinking about all of this until a voice cut through his thoughts.

“Levi,” Erwin called as he moved to stand beside him. “What’s on your mind?”

He turned around to glance over at his friend. Erwin looked happier now, like he was constantly basking in the glow of something bright, and Levi supposed that in a way, he was. “What does it feel like?” Levi asked vaguely, but Erwin knew, as he usually did.

“It’s… hard to explain,” Erwin replied. Levi looked at him and waited for him to continue. “At first, it felt like… well you know, right before a show when we first turn on the amps? There’s a buzz, but it feels electric. It’s a little bit like that, anticipation because you know something good is about to happen.” Levi nodded thoughtfully at Erwin’s response as he continued. “Now it feels so big… like exploring space, if space was safe and warm.” 

After a slight chuckle, a wave of silence washed over the two of them until Erwin spoke again. “Are you going to be okay?” Erwin glanced over at his friend.

“I will be,” Levi answered. “Will you?”

Erwin turned around to face the window and smiled to himself as he watched his fiance laugh at something Hange was saying. “I think so,” he said quietly. “But I’m happy to be here right now.”

“Yeah,” Levi agreed. “Me too.”

When Levi came home to his apartment that night, he reached for his guitar. He strummed quietly as he felt the familiar wash of inspiration take over him. A soft melody seemed to untangle itself into something that made sense in his head and soon, lyrics came along with it.

“Take my hand and come with me to another place We can walk around the universe tonight.”

He hoped he understood what Erwin had told him. Love as a concept was simple enough to put into an analogy, but difficult to really get, but for his friend, he’d try. He sent Erwin off later that spring with the lyrics and sheet music folded neatly in an envelope, a gift from Levi to the happy couple and felt satisfied leaving it at that between the two of them. And so it was, until Erwin asked him to play it at his wedding six months later. It was his first time singing a song without the rest of the band, but it didn’t feel as scary as he imagined it to be. It was like having a conversation, or writing a letter to his best friend. To Erwin.

He hadn’t written a song since then, not until he met you. Hange was right and the realization had heat seeping into his cheeks.

“Something something Halloween party,” Hange recalled the lyrics to his song. “That line about living in a VHS was pretty cute, what did you say to them to make you think of that one?”

“Nothing,” Levi replied and that was an answer enough on its own.

“Oh Levi,” Hange cooed as they pulled their glasses to sit on top of their hair to find a more comfortable way to drift off for the last few minutes of the ride, content to let Levi have a reprieve from the teasing.

After dropping off a drunk Hange and driving the hour back to his apartment, he couldn’t decide whether to grab his notebook and pen or his guitar. This was a rather frustrating dilemma to have. Usually, he’d feel something akin to lightning and either a simple line or a melody would come to him and he’d grab whatever vessel he needed to bring it alive. 

The song he wrote about you two weeks ago began as lyrics first. He had watched you walk down the sidewalk in your pumpkin costume and groaned to himself as he realized half of your entire conversation was him saying, “cool.” He walked back into the party and through a sea of stupid costumes to find his guitar case and fished out the worn brown leather notebook that he always kept with him and grabbed a pen.

“I want to erase the things I said, but I’ll probably say them again. Wish I could hit rewind and not be so in my head.”

With a few tweaks and a chorus, it had become a song, and Levi was proud of himself. It wasn’t until after he had finally set his pen down and saw he’d written the words “I wouldn’t have let you go leave me,” that he wondered if he really felt that way or if it was just a good line.

At the next party, when you told him you liked the song, the song he wrote about you, he felt something else, and he wondered what to call the flutter he felt in his chest. Attraction, maybe? He learned about the feeling of attraction in class, how the spike in your heart rate and cortisol levels can be read as attraction in the right circumstances… or stress in the wrong ones. With his adrenaline running high after his performance, he decided that the evidence presented was too inconclusive to be labeled one way or another.

Now, he decided to grab his notebook to look back at the page he’d scribbled on, to see if something could give that final push for lightning to strike. He scoured the margins, looking through the various doodles and squiggles and crossed out words. It was incredibly frustrating, Levi thought, to have the desperate urge to write, but not know what to write. It’s probably because he still couldn’t figure out how he felt about you. Anxiety? Attraction? It was something new, but not something he knew how to explain. All he knew was that he wanted to write about you.

Nothing came to him even after flipping through his book, so with a sigh, he gave up and flopped onto his bed. His eyes fluttered shut and hoped inspiration would find him in his dreams.

The next morning, Levi woke up feeling unrested and uninspired. He was expecting to wake up with that familiar whisper of a new melody or a new lyric in his ear, but instead he woke up to the sound of thunder outside. He ran a frustrated hand down his face. Creative constipation, he thought to himself.

Then as he settled into his seat for his psych class, he found himself so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice you call his name until you reached out and tentatively put your hand on his shoulder. The contact snapped his attention towards you and he felt a haze begin to clear.

“Levi?” you said his name with concern.

“Yeah, sorry, I was just thinking,” he explained. “Did you need something?”

“I was going to ask if I could sit next to you,” you began before leaning in towards him and lowering your voice conspiratorially. He could smell your shampoo and the perfume you sprayed on this morning. He felt that flutter again. “Some rando took my seat beside Jean. I think they heard we were picking our partners for the project today.” You subtly gestured over to the girl in your usual seat who was staring intently at Jean who was staring intently at a Fortnite stream on his laptop.

Levi let out an amused chuckle before sliding his backpack off from the seat next to him and pulling it out for you to take. He watched you curiously as you sat down, trying to figure you out. Trying to figure out why he wanted to figure you out so desperately. He resisted the urge to look away when you smiled at him. All he could muster up to do was nod back and hope you didn’t notice him staring.

“So what is it that had you thinking so deeply,” you asked as you pulled your laptop out of your bag. Levi paused for a beat, wondering how to reply. He wasn’t particularly fond of letting people into his writing process. It felt too intimate. Even Hange and Miche had only ever looked into his notebook once and then decided it wasn’t worth being on the receiving end of Levi’s death glare (not to be confused with his usual resting neutral glare). For some reason, he felt as though you wouldn’t be too much of a threat to his creative process.

“I have to write about a feeling,” he began tentatively. “But I can’t really figure out what it is.”

“Oh is this for, like, an essay?” You asked. You tapped on your chin as you thought about what to say.

“Yeah, something like that.” “What’s the feeling?” you continued to ask. Levi found himself intrigued at your willingness to help him, but remembered how quickly you relent to offering your notes to Jean and Eren when they miss something. He figured it’s probably second nature for you.

“Honestly, I’m not too sure myself,” Levi answered, nervous that you’d see through his flimsy details. But this was the closest thing he could tell you without divulging his thoughts. He wasn’t even sure how much of a help you’d actually be. Songwriting, Levi recognized, was not something that everyone could do, but it was something he did well. He had a knack for being able to step into someone else’s shoes and write about their feelings. Like some sort of twisted empath, he could write a damn good love song without ever having been in love. He figured whatever higher being created him thought it would be funny to have such a stoic man only be able to express himself through a melody, like he was in some goddamn musical. 

The other members of his band had a bit of experience writing as well, but their styles were different from Levi’s. They had a special knack for writing songs that sounded like them. Hange’s songs were always more upbeat and catchy, good for parties, and a little quirky. Miche’s songs were much more focused on the rhythm and had fewer lyrics. Eren, although only having written a couple of songs so far, definitely had a more angsty, grungy vibe. It was only from Erwin’s leadership that they all learned to blend their styles into something cohesive.

Most people outside of the band assumed that the majority of songs were written by Hange or Miche or even Eren now that he was part of it. But surprisingly, Levi was the real lyrical mastermind behind No Name, although he never opts to correct anyone who thinks otherwise.

“Just write it down,” you replied as if it was the most simple answer. “Even if the feeling doesn’t have a name, you’ll get the point across.” When you looked over to see Levi eyeing you skeptically, you continued.

“Not all feelings have a name,” you went on. “Like the feeling when you’re about to turn a door handle into a surprise party you knew about, or like when you get the first cup of hot coffee for the season because it’s finally cold enough outside for it. It’s like you know it’s the start of something new, something good.” 

Levi could see warmth flashing in your eyes as he watched you list these feelings. It reminded him of Erwin’s words that night. Something about anticipation…

There it was. Lightning. His head shot up as you spoke and you turned to him with wide eyes. You watched as he reached for his notebook and began scribbling into his notebook. Before you could ask him more about it, the sound of the professor’s voice filled the room. Levi, however, did not lift his head.

“It’s the feeling of the first coffee run in autumn – can you feel it?”

The last part was a question  for himself.

Sure enough, today was the day project partners were being assigned and although Levi spent the majority of the class writing madly into his journal, his ears perked up at the announcement.

“Since you’re all adults and there’s over 60 of you in this class, it’s easier for everyone to just partner up with their current desk partner.” Levi turned and met your eyes and you both let out a sigh of relief. He was glad it was you.

He managed to set his pen down as the professor continued to explain the assignment. “This project is about relationships,” he announced as he walked down the aisle to hand papers out to the class. “For the rest of the semester, you’re going to be getting to know your partner and hopefully yourself, quite well. Hopefully, if nothing else, you can leave the class with a new friend.”

The both of you turned your heads at the sound of Eren groaning as he looked over at Jean. Jean looked wistfully at the girl who stole your seat – unfortunately, she was in a separate desk cluster. Levi was thankful that things worked out the way they did.

Levi watched you stifle a chuckle and pass him the worksheet. He scanned over the paper. It was mostly blank, save for a few sentences of instructions and two sections of items to note. 

Under the first section were three items: First impressions of your partner? Who do you think you are? How do you think others see you?

The second section simply stated: At the end of this project, reflect on your earlier impressions and see how they’ve changed. What’s changed about how you see your partner? How they see you? How you see yourself? What social theories or effects do you believe may have affected this change?

“You get out of this project what you put into it,” the professor stated. “The more time you spend with your partner, the more change you’ll see in any or all of the criteria. However, if you decide not to spend any time with them after the initial meeting, you still have some theories to write about.” He chuckled to himself as he scanned the students’ faces.

He continued on. “There’s no criteria for how much or how you spend time with your partner outside of being safe and respectful. But I suggest you do things together that mean something to you. Be intentional with the time you spend together.”

Levi’s previous feelings of relief had suddenly dissipated as quickly as they came. This was a rather intimate project, and although the questions seemed simple enough, being in this class for the semester taught him nothing was ever psychologically simple. He snuck a quick glance over at you, busy writing your name on the top of your paper and writing down quick reminders to yourself in the margins of your notebook where you had neatly organized your notes from class. Your cheeks were pink, and so were the tips of your ears. He was sure his were too.

He looked down at his own notebook, filled with nothing that could help him on an exam. But he had half a song written down. 

It wasn’t until the professor had dismissed the class and Levi was setting his things back in his bag that you finally turned up to look at him with your phone out towards him. “Before you head out, can I get your number?” you asked.

“Sure thing,” Levi reached out for your phone, accidentally brushing his fingers against yours in the process. There was that flutter again, but Levi was ready to chalk this one up to stress. Until he caught a glimpse of your tinted cheeks and suddenly he was at a loss once again. He focused back on the phone long enough to put his number in before handing it back to you, letting his fingers brush yours once again. For research purposes, he had said to himself. Results still inconclusive.

That afternoon, Levi sat at his desk with the worksheet in front of him. The first question seemed easy enough to answer. He didn’t need to think too hard before writing a response.

First impressions of your partner: 

He thought back to his first time seeing you in class. Did that even count? All he ever saw was the back of your head and the way you would raise your hands to rub at your temples at the end of class as you slid your notebook for Jean to take pictures of. He picked up his pen anyway. Begrudgingly kind, he wrote.

The first time he really saw you was that night at Eren’s party. You were quick to laugh at his jokes, and quicker to add on. And later, he watched as you danced with Jean, who Levi watched get shot down by a blonde girl who was clearly more interested in the girl with her, even in your stupid pumpkin costume that stood out like a sore thumb. There was something about you that drew people in, he realized. Charming, good friend, obnoxious.

He thought about when you finally left that evening to go study. Hard-working, warm.

The next questions were a lot more difficult to answer.

Who do you think you are?

“Annoyed, mostly,” he muttered aloud as he forced himself to try to think. Although he had a knack for writing about other people, he wasn’t a huge fan of introspection. A musician, he wrote simply. I’m good at what I do, and I do what I’m good at. Simple. Blunt. Clean. It wasn’t much, but it was enough, he thought.

How do you think others see you?

This was such a dumb question, Levi thought to himself. He never really cared about how other people saw him. Hange always said it was one of his charms, especially on stage, and he agreed. His Twitter DMs seemed to agree as well. But a question was a question, and he wasn’t going to hurt his stellar grade over a dumb question. Charismatic, quiet, intense, cold. 

He finally set his pen down and picked up his phone to see a text from an unknown number.

Unknown: Hey Levi, are you free this evening?

Before Levi could feel confused at who the hell would be so bold as to message him like this, you quickly sent a follow up text with your name and Levi scoffed. He was amused. He saved your number before replying to you.

Levi: Sure Levi: Did you want to do something?

He didn’t wait long for a response as you quickly texted him an address and a time. The campus cafe, which thankfully was near his apartment, at 7 p.m. so he still had a few hours before he had to meet you. He pulled out his lyrics notebook and looked back at what he’d written during class. It felt like it was coming together and Levi felt content as he grabbed his acoustic and began to strum absentmindedly, trying to figure out what his words sounded like in a melody. It was something simple, but he was happy with it. Hange was right, this song felt like him.

For the first time in a long time, he was writing about himself.

When Levi walked into the cafe promptly at 7 p.m., he let out a soft sigh. The smell of pastries, cinnamon, and coffee wrapped around him like a comforting embrace and he took a moment to appreciate the smells of autumn. He scanned around the cafe and found you sitting at a booth by the window, staring out at the street. Now that October had passed, the jack-o-lanterns and skeletons had been replaced with the warm glow of fairy lights and other various holiday decor. As he walked towards you, he found himself catching his breath at the warm glow the lights left on your skin. Pretty, he thought to himself. When you finally turned your head and caught his eye, you smiled at him with a wave. As pretty as he thought you were looking away from him, it had nothing on the way your eyes lit up at the sight of him. 

“Hey Levi,” you greeted as he finally made it to your table. He unwrapped his scarf from his neck and slipped out from his coat, setting them both neatly beside him on the leather seat of the booth. “I went ahead and ordered a little bit before you got here. Figured you’d look forward to something warm to fight the cold.” You gestured at the cream colored mugs that sat on the table and Levi cautiously inspected the one in front of him. The steam still rose from its contents and the smell of Earl Grey tea made his shoulders relax. He wasn’t a coffee person.

“Thanks,” Levi replied softly. “How’d you uh, how’d you know I prefer tea?”

You blushed as you looked away. “I was a little nervous,” you began, your attention once again on the sights outside. “I texted Eren on the way here and asked what kind of drink you preferred.” 

Levi felt himself blush and was thankful that you weren’t looking directly at him. He scoffed before taking a sip of his tea. Seems like Eren pays attention. “Nervous, huh?” He didn’t mean for it to come out as teasing as it did.

You finally turned your attention back to him. “Yeah,” you chewed your lip. “This is kind of an intimate project. Did you see the questions? It felt like some sort of first date survey.”

He nearly choked on his next sip. You were right, and now that you had pointed it out, Levi couldn’t help but fixate on the idea. A first date, he repeated to himself. He hoped the mug hid his blush.

“We don’t have to think of it that way,” you quickly added. Levi let out a soft chuckle at your panic. “I mean, not that it would be terrible, but this is for class so I think we can keep it professional and then be friends, which I guess would not really be prof-” 

“You’re rambling,” Levi cut you off. He felt relieved that he wasn’t the only one who was nervous about all of this, but he also took note of how you said it wouldn’t be terrible for this to be a date. He let out a sigh and set his mug down. “There’s no pressure at all. We can spend as much or as little time together as you’re comfortable with, and how we spend that time doesn’t have to be anything in particular. We could study, talk, or just sit here in silence too, if you wanted.” He hoped of course, that he’d see you more often, but he wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t. He knew people saw him as somewhat unapproachable. Even people who scream his name at performances seem to tense up and freeze when they see him on campus. He didn’t want you to be one of them.

To his credit, his words did seem to have an effect on you and he watched your shoulders begin to relax as you reached for your own mug to take a sip. “Thanks,” you began. “Sometimes I get too in my own head. But you’re right. No pressure.”

Glad that you were finally more relaxed, he let a beat of silence sit comfortably between the two of you. When he first met you at that party, you seemed a lot more sure of yourself, not that you seemed unconfident now, but more that you handled interactions with new people in a charming, easy way that he couldn’t. It made him relax knowing he wasn’t the only one who tends to overthink things. He made a mental note to write that down for his assignment later.

It was much easier to just talk after that. Levi felt he had finally redeemed himself after that night where all he could say was “cool.” He was a man of few words… but not that few.

You told Levi about how you’d met Eren, Armin, and Mikasa. How Armin had come up to you at recess in elementary school after you had just moved to town and asked about the book you were reading. He was the first to speak to you, and Mikasa was the first to drag you along to their adventures. Eren, who was your next door neighbor, had declared himself your older brother when he found out you didn’t have one. “Everyone should have a big brother,” he had decided at 9 years old.

Levi told you about the band, why it was called No Name in the first place. He had started the band in high school with his best friends and kept it going since they somehow ended up at the same university. Hange wanted to call themselves The Titans “because it’s funny. Because you’re short.” And when Levi pounced across the table, Miche suggested The Walls which Levi hated even more. It wasn’t until Erwin dragged him back to his seat on the couch of Erwin’s apartment that Erwin decided, “If we can’t decide on a name, then we go with No Name.” And that was that.

Levi had found himself smiling at the memory, and chuckled at how long ago that was. Now, somehow, he had become the leader of the band, filling in Erwin’s role as a singer and at times, a mediator.

It was easy to be nostalgic with you, but maybe it was the tea, or the fairy lights that set him up. It wasn’t until both your mugs were halfway empty after a refill that Levi remembered to ask. “So why a cafe?” he asked curiously. 

Your eyes lit up as you began to speak. “Oh, right,” you began. “Remember how we were talking earlier about feelings that don’t have a name and I mentioned the first coffee run in autumn?” Levi nodded. “Well, I finally had some time today, and I thought I’d invite you to join me so you could feel it firsthand.”

Now that it was November, it was well past Levi’s first run to the cafe. In fact, he’d been here at least twice a week since September.

“I know that it’s really late into the season,” you spoke again as if you knew what he was thinking. “And I’ve had plenty of coffee since September. But I’d just been so busy that I hadn’t had a chance to actually sit down inside a cafe and enjoy a cup of coffee.” You smiled as you looked down into your mug.

This is nice, Levi thought to himself. “So what are you feeling?” Levi probed as he recalled your words from earlier. Something new, something good. This was definitely that.

“Like life is about to fall into place.”

Later that evening, Levi found himself itching for his phone to text you.

It had only been an hour since the two of you parted ways after he walked you to your car, but he already found himself thinking about when he would see you again. You were easy to talk to but you didn’t mind when he only had a few words to say either. It felt easy. He hadn’t been on many first dates but he knew that none of them had him feeling this way afterwards.

Levi: Hey Levi: Are you free tomorrow? We can meet again if you want.

Tomorrow? My place??  Levi had sent the message before he could think too hard about it. He shoved his phone under his pillow and walked out to the kitchen of his apartment. He grabbed a glass of water and leaned against the island, running a hand down his face. He took a sip and began to pace back and forth.

Like a phone toss when it’s risky but you hit send.

He ran to his desk, momentarily forgetting about the phone, and wrote down the line. And another one. And another one. Until finally, he had a song. He took a deep breath before reaching under his pillow for his phone.

Coffee Addict (psych): I’m not busy :) where do you want to meet?

He thought for a second before an idea popped into his head.

Levi: You know the music studies building? Meet me on the basement floor.

And so the next day he found himself sitting on the floor across from you in a cramped practice room with his hands clasped on his lap. He’s not really sure what had come over him last night after asking you to meet him, but he can’t say he regretted inviting you either. In fact, he woke up bright and early, feeling that flutter again as he thought of seeing you.

“This is cozy,” you joked as you looked around. The room really was cramped, and with a standing piano against one wall of the room, it made it feel even smaller. He wasn’t used to sharing this space with other people, but he didn’t really mind sharing it with you.

He chuckled and shook his head. “Sorry it’s cramped, I know,” he acknowledged. “I just… I wanted to show you something.”

“Oh?” you asked. “What is it?”

Levi looked up at the piano before standing up and offering his hand out to you. A buzz in his fingertips. A flutter in his stomach. He sat down on the piano bench and patted the space beside him to his right. The bench was wide enough to fit both of you, but Levi didn’t miss the feeling of your leg pressed against his. Before he could overthink himself into a panic, he stretched his fingers over the keys and began to play.

“It’s the anticipation when the amps turn on Just cables and crackle. It’s the first flicker of the neon sign It’s the words stuck in your Adam’s apple.”

He glanced over at you before continuing on to the next verse. Your hands fidgeted in your lap, but you watched as his fingers moved across the keys.

“It’s a bumblebee on a blossom The first coffee shop run in autumn.”

You looked up at him, eyes wide as you recognized your own words.

“The song’s about to start, can you hear it? The door’s about to open, can you feel it? The flower’s about to fruit, can you see it? I’m about to fall for you.”

A buzz. A flutter. He knew what this was.

“About to fall for you.”

a/n: some more fun facts! This chapter was so fun to write. 1) Eren, who'd never admit it out loud, actually knows all his friends' go-to drinks. He often brings his bandmates drinks as apology for being late to practice 2) Armin is the biggest social butterfly of the group. He's just really kind and disarming. 3) I gave myself butterflies writing the scene where Levi is playing on the piano with you beside him.

[terribleinfluence-tour]

Let’s address the situation

Recently an anonymous reddit/twitter user has accused me of being a stalker of dan and phil because of the way this blog is run.

So, let’s talk about it.

Let’s start with the absolute facts: I have never posted anything to this blog that wasn’t public information.

1. I have never doxxed the location of the tour bus.

Things i have posted about the tour bus: a photo from a crew member where the bus company was visible, a story that Kelly posted that was location tagged to a road in the middle of nowhere showing that dan and phil weren’t in vegas on oct 19.

Reasons why I don’t believe this to be wrong: Any of you who have waited at stage door can see the company is written on the bus, it is not confidential information, knowing the bus companies name does not give you any personal information about dan and phil. As for the location tag, it was in the middle of nowhere, they were already in their next location when it was posted, I was not the first person to post this story, i only posted it cos It was already all over twitter. (however this is the only story i’ve posted that i will gladly take criticism for despite my justifications)

2. I have only posted stories from 2 crew members: Kelly and Sarah. These are public instagram accounts. I only post their stories that are related to the tour itself. I am not the only person and I was not the first person to post these stories anywhere. I have never posted anything from any crew who have private accounts because 1) i can’t see that content cos I obviously do not follow those accounts and 2) i don’t post private information, it’s private for a reason.

I did not seek out the crew accounts, i didn’t not look for them myself, i only knew what they were because multiple people had already been posting the stories from the accounts way before me on both twitter and tumblr. Both these people know phannies follow them on instagram, they’re not going to post anything with information they don’t want you to know.

Despite my justifications, from now on I will be cropping out the usernames of these crew members who do share stuff publicly and in captions i will only be referring to them as crew.

3. Audio Recordings.

First disclaimer: I have never encouraged video recording of the show! I think that it’s distracting to dan and phil and i really think you should be living in the moment when you see this show. There is a reason we have never posted videos of the show on this blog even in our spoiler tag. I believe audio recording to be more harmless because you can just put your phone out of the way and it’s distracting no one at all.

The concept of sharing audio recordings of the show were not my idea, this started on the european leg of the tour by people on twitter, If you look back at the recordings i have posted you’ll see that all the europe audios (apart from antwerp) do not link to our google drive. I did decide to carry this on during the American leg.

I have never forced anyone to do this, I have only approached 1 person directly to see if they could record. The rest were all volunteers who saw my posts asking if anyone would do it and they all came to me on their own accord.

I very much understand the criticism on audio recording shows, however I want to look at this from not only a preservation effort but also as a way to make this show accessible to people who might for whatever reason not be able to attend as well as it being a way for you to go and listen to the show you attend again if you wanted to.

This being said I am no longer going to ask for specific shows and instead say that if you just happen to audio record a show and would be willing to let me post it then you can message me (@danrifics ) and i will post it. (this goes for the australian leg and the UK leg too) I will also at the end of the tour make a post with what’s missing and we’ll see if anyone recorded or not.

Finally I want to thank everyone for their continued support of the blog and its archiving efforts and I hope you all stick with me while we change things a little bit and I look forward to continuing to share content with you all and I can’t wait to reveal a few blog pages we’ve been working on!

- Bethanie

[mrfancyfoot]

Today I logged into facebook for the first time in nearly 4 years and went through every profile in my friends list (like ~300) and purged out all the assholes (anyone who openly voted for Trump, other conservatives, and those who I strongly believe did). I've done this before so there weren't many but there are a number that have been wishy-washy with being outward in their bigotry and it helps me keep a mental list of people that deserve only the most very basic level of respect that I can muster because they certainly do not respect me nor people I care about nor many of their fellow human beings. Most disheartening is seeing friends and family who continue to put effort into engaging with people who argue in bad faith and weaponized ignorance.

I dated a man for nearly a year who went to women's and pro-choice rallies and liberal groups with me and said many times that he "was on my side" but turned out to be lying the whole time because he knew I definitely wouldn't date him otherwise. I'd known him for years before since we ran in the same friend circle. I wasn't the only one he had fooled. He slowly lifted the mask until we were constantly arguing because of his bigoted and racist remarks. His favorite thing to do was act oppressed and show me the most obvious Russian propaganda that he would get upset at me for fact-checking and asking for real sources. He wanted to argue, so what he hated most was when I refused to argue with him. Nothing I said was going to change his mind, so I wasn't going to humor or tolerate it (we didn't last long after that point, but by that time, I was afraid of leaving without an excuse that would be "good enough" for him). He legitimately wants civil war so that he can play survival hero and feel validated in his hatred. It didn't come on quickly and a lot of the comments started as "odd" off the cuff things through the time that we dated. He was very much pretending to be a kind person and once really called out, that pretense dropped. He thought I was more like him and that a lot of my regard and kindness for others is "fake." Because that's what a lot of people like that do - they fake being kind for optics, they are not actually kind people, and therefore presume that everyone else is doing the same thing. It's given me major trust issues.

Can't say this enough: these people feel validation in their bigotry when you continue to associate with them. They need to be dropped. They need to learn that their shitty beliefs mean that they get shunned. Make them feel uncomfortable. Quit tiptoeing around and coddling their delicate little feelings because they might get upset. It's okay for them to get upset because someone was mean and told them they don't like them because they think gay and trans people shouldn't exist. I once made a post about how a raped 11 year old child should never be expected to give birth, was told that it was "god's will" and like 5 people piled on the guy so badly he told us to stop being "mean" to him and was terrified to talk to me at work ever again (I have since cut all ties and no longer work with him). I'm personally extremely tired of playing nice for the sake of possibly "converting" someone - especially because you can be polite in telling someone to fuck off with their beliefs. Their beliefs are dangerous, are going to result in people losing their lives, and a frightening number of them are completely okay with that. We need to stop being tolerant of intolerance. It is okay to cut people (including family) from your life when all their presence does is bring you stress and harm.

In a similar vain, don't let the people who chose not to vote (or "protest voted") stick their heads in the sand to escape blame. They are just as culpable as anyone else who directly voted for Trump and other conservatives. They need to grow the fuck up.

For a lot of liberals, it's really uncomfortable to be confrontational and feel like you're being intolerant of someone, but it's way past time to play hardball and call them out instead of coddling them, especially as we're going into the holiday season where many of us will be seeing family with shitty views and targeted family that may need someone to stand up for them. Let them know they're shitty and inappropriate and a disappointment and unworthy of your regard because they certainly lack it for others. Obviously still be safe, but many of us very likely aren't losing anything of value in that scenario. Not having bigoted family members in my life in any way has made me so much happier.

A helpful tip to those who may find themselves in a confrontation: do not stay engaged. Let your views be known and then disengage. Because many of them love to argue and feel like they're defending themselves (many are addicted to those feelings of hatred and overcoming "oppression"), what they don't like is being ignored and feeling like you're rinsing your hands of them. They don't deserve your stress and constant efforts. There are ways to open a dialogue when they are willing to discuss civilly with an open mind, but if they bring intolerance, just shut it down.

(via jhig8bd0cczd1.png (PNG Image, 744 × 810 pixels))

[intimidating-fettuccine]

This post is coming from me in my space of panic and resignation that I have been in all day, but I just. I felt the need to say anything at all.

Please do what you can to survive. This week, for the next few years, maybe forever. Please do what you can to survive. We cannot give up, we have to remain unified and continue supporting each other. That is all we can do. I don’t know what the future will look like, but we should be prepared to handle anything.

If you are like me, a female, I wish you so much support. With the rights we are about to lose, please keep yourself safe. Look into birth control if you can, especially IUDs or implants, I’ve been doing that myself. Please only surround yourself with people that you know are trustworthy. I’ve seen lots of women saying they’re going to be joining the South Korean 4B movement (not dating, having sex with, marrying, or having children with men), and honestly I encourage it. Even if you’d like to be a mother, it’s not safe anymore. If something goes wrong with your wanted pregnancy, there’s an incredibly high likelihood that you will not be able to receive care. That is a horrific reality, but it’s something we need to be aware of. If you are in a safe, loving relationship I am incredibly happy for you and I wish you the best. If you are not, or if you are single, do whatever you can to get to a safe place, please.

To any of my LGBT+ followers, please remain safe. Please, please, please be careful, with what you say, with who you talk to, with how you present yourself. I can’t even imagine how terrifying things might become, but I don’t want any of you to be ashamed, to stop being who you are. Just please be safe in how you do so. I wish you all so much luck and love because you all deserve to be free to express yourselves, to live as who you are in freedom and not be so heavily judged and prosecuted and punished. Please have safe spaces, and safe people to surround yourself with if you can. This blog will ALWAYS be a safe and inclusive space for you. I see you, and I accept you, and I support you so much. Please take care.

My support goes out to everyone who is about to be effected, because it is about to be more than just women and LGBT+ members, but I wanted to touch on those two specifically because they are the ones closest to me. I love you all. I’m sorry that this is how things turned out, but we need to keep going. We need to stay strong. We need to keep fighting and surviving because they want us to give in and we can’t do that. It might get incredibly tough next year, in the next four years or even longer, but you cannot give them the satisfaction. You have to outlive them, to prove to them that you can survive and that you deserve to be here.

I don’t particularly care if anyone thinks I’m being dramatic about this and I’m not trying to fearmonger. I don’t want anyone to be scared, but I can’t hide the fact that I’m scared. That I don’t know how things are going to look moving forward. But I care about each and every one of you.

Continue living with airport rules right now (doing whatever it takes to get to your destination of the future). He’s not in there yet. We are still safe right now. Please do what you can to prepare and to steel yourself for any outcome. But, for the next couple weeks, please just take care of yourselves. Indulge in activities you love, eat food you love, sleep as much as you can, take care of yourself as much as you can. You are not alone in this. Everyone that voted for her, we are all in this together. We cannot forget that.

I love you all so much. Please be safe. Know that you are not alone. Be strong, and be proud of what you fought for and who you are. You deserve to be here, and you deserve to be who you are.

[sordidmusings]

WIP TUESDAY - Sugar Daddy Headcanons with Shanks and Garp

Saw Schoute's wonderful art WIP and writing and wanted to join the fun! Have some ridiculous Blorbos as Sugar Daddies headcanons that have been on my backburner LOL I've got Shanks and Garp ready for y'all 🫡 They're pretty much done, I moreso have to fill out everyone else on the list 🤡 No warnings really! Just some allusions to spice but nothing explicit. Lots of silliness. I believe they're gender neutral but I'm going to tag as afab just in case because I fear it may be in the subtext since that's the perspective I wrote it from and the one people generally expect for sugar babies. Might be fun to subvert sometime by writing them with explicitly amab sugar babies. I will Ponder lol I'd also love to see what everyone is working on so please take this as a sign to post something of your own!!

The song I blame for everything (I love u Thot Squad):

“This fine old man, he played three

He can knickknack this coochie

With an Amex black card, get a girl a Benz

Reset and do it again”

Word Count: Shanks ~750, Garp ~400 (sorry about the favoritism Vice Admiral 😬)

Shanks

shanks absolutely pursued this type of relationship with you

Your pretty face and open smile snagged his attention but the way you easily met and fed his energy had him at you like a dog with a bone

He’s no stranger to helping people laugh their way into his bed, but the journey with you felt different. He took extra time simply because each moment with you was too good to keep from savoring

You didn’t hide your attraction at any point but he did appreciate that you would try and prod back at him in good humor to test his will and want

You found he had both in excessive abundance

It felt nice to have someone so attractive, established, feared, and adored seek your company and watch him become more interested with each minute he got of you. It also felt nice to see that while he certainly had an abundance of confidence he held no arrogance with you - he played no games in making you question his interest or to assert his importance to you. He treated you as a person (one he mainly wanted to turn to his bedroom tenant but still-) and it made him feel more like a man than a myth for you both too

And holy hell did you like that man - he made you laugh even if at his own expense, he impressed you when he’d let some of his cunning slip through the jovial pirate shtick, he kept your interest with how he could entertain any topic you brought forward, he made you feel beautiful with the way his eyes and hands soaked you in, and he made you feel wanted with the way he treated everything about you with genuine interest. 

The only thing that made it better is how he made sure you wanted for nothing. The first night it was making sure you didn’t pay a cent for anything, you always had food and drink right before you realized you wanted it, his coat found your shoulders the moment you felt a chill, you found yourself in fresh air right when the heat and the noise of the bar became too much. 

After that it was an endless stream of trinkets, from priceless to silly but sentimental, all coming with letters that had you laughing, blushing, and swooning.

Every time he’d visit you (and it was at first as often as he thought he could manage but that managed to get even sooner and sooner because of his need for you) you’d indulge in each other like it was the first and last time

He stopped wanting anyone else - there were enough people across the seas he had to apologize to after explaining why he’d gasped the wrong name and they were never right to scratch the new insatiable itch he had anyway

When it dawned on him how much you had him wrapped around your finger, not just physically and financially but also mentally, emotionally, and he’s pretty sure even spiritually, he may have had a crisis (the crew was very torn between amusement and true wory watching it unfold, especially when the usual rum and patented Beckman Shoulder Pat with Nod didn't ease his turmoil)

It wasn't because he didn’t want to love you, but he truly never thought he’d ever find someone he wanted and needed the way he does you. It was such a foreign concept to him that he felt like the world had tilted and left everything slightly unfamiliar. Especially coming from a relationship he stapled together with riches. Sure, there was also joy, camaraderie, and intimacy holding it together, but he found it harder to trust that someone such as you wouldn't find someone younger and more present to belong to than to trust that you could need him to sustain a lifestyle of ease and abundance.

If he couldn't be sure you'd want him, he'd try and find solace in you needing him, even if it was only for what he could afford you

When he finally told Beckman of his plight, he was slightly offended by the “it took you this long to figure it out?”

He’s currently trying to figure out how to convince you to live on his ship with him. He needed to let you know you’d be safe regardless of your experience level with the seas or battle. 

He’d bring the world to its knees if anything touched a hair on your head

Luckily for him, you knew. Anyone with eyes would from the way he smiles at you.

Garp

Garp was decidedly not in your plans. Yes, you wanted someone older, someone with wealth, someone with influence, someone who would take care of you, but you thought Gilfs were an urban legend told to see what face it would get out of freshies

You’re not complaining tho

He has certainly convinced you that the rarity of his kind just pointed to what a prized role it was to shack up with one

He was rough around the edges to be sure - brash and loud and stubborn - but he used all those traits to get you both exactly what you wanted

All your needs were met without you having to even think of them anymore (you were surprised that needs in the bedroom were included in that, but you supposed you shouldn’t have underestimated a man who could still punch apart battle ships, nor one with such a lust for eating)

Neither of you had any illusions of sweeping romance

You were more than happy with the care and respect that built between the two of you in your roles, growing with each act of service to each other, each piece of comfort, each unintended moment of vulnerability

Don’t get me wrong, the vulnerability ain’t common; most of your time is this man having fun watching you light up when he took you out and tossed his money around for you before taking you home to have multiple courses of dessert

You’ll never get over his gruff voice and curling accent - they helped your brain turn to mush while he coaxed and praised you through happily giving him everything he wants as a thank you for all his care

That voice along with all that burliness and age, which you thought would’ve been a turn off not on, ended up making you feel small yet so protected

Garp didn’t think he’d enter a relationship like this that went on so long and so easily but any reservation or second guessing was lost the moment he saw you and everything just felt natural

Tho he’d still make jokes that always make you groan about how you keep him young better than his troublesome recruits (that he is stuck between wanting to parade you around to see their jaws drop and wanting to keep you hidden away from any young bucks who may try to get your attention before he’s ready to let you go)

Thank you for reading 😘🤍🤍

Masterlist

[ahyperactivehero]

If you're still feeling DBD drabbles I'd love some post-canon Edwin and Crystal bonding (making fun of celebrities together? studying magic? comparing rich neglectful parents?)

I love a good Edwin and Crystal bonding moment! I hope that if we ever get season 2 we get to see more of them bickering and bonding. Because these two remind me of me and my sibling so strongly it almost hurts <3

(reminder that i am taking election night drabbles, although i can't promise they'll be posted tonight. i'm working on as many as i can, but it is getting late! i'll likely finish most of them tomorrow unfortunately)

Drabble 2 

Crystal and Edwin were at war. Or at least, that’s what Crystal would have labeled themselves as. According to Charles this was simply, ‘Edwin when he likes you,’ which Crystal wanted to be judgemental about, but she had her memories back and she could remember what a menace she’d been to people she liked.

“It is not hard, Crystal,” Edwin stressed, leaning heavily on to the desk in front of him. At some point in time he had abandoned his coat and jacket and rolled his sleeves up in what had to be the most laid back outfit Crystal had ever seen him in.

Yet there was nothing relaxed about Edwin. She’d never known him to be a particularly relaxed person, but there was a strange undercurrent of stress that was running through him that she was pretty sure wasn’t always there.

She sighed again for what must have been the millionth time and dropped her phone onto the couch next to her. It’s not like anyone she actually liked contacted her that way. In fact, she’d been arguing with her mom the last time someone had actually reached out to her, which had only resulted in Crystal storming out of the house and crashing in the agency’s office for a few days.

Which brought them to where they were now. Edwin tapped the book in front of him, looking for all the world like a young teaching assistant annoyed with his students. “If you would simply try, I know you cou-”

Violently, she shoved herself up off of the couch. Her feet banged against the floor, almost loud enough to rattle the windows, and for once she was glad Charles wasn’t here. She didn’t want him to see her like this.

“I have tried, Edwin! I’ve tried, okay! Have you ever tried shutting up?!” she asked before throwing herself back down onto the couch, her back turned towards the world as if that might somehow block out the ghost.

One of Crystal’s favorite and least favorite things about Edwin was that he never seemed to be dissuaded by her poor attitude. Sometimes, it even seemed to encourage him. “If you had actually tried, you would have cast the spell,” Edwin said. There was no heat to his voice, not even an ounce of actual anger to him– even though Crystal was sure he was pissed.

She squeezed her eyes shut. Maybe if she did that she’d be able to block out Edwin’s voice and the tears at the same time. “I did try,” she said, all of the fire in her voice having faded until it sounded broken and sad.

The sound of soft footsteps filled the room. Edwin’s familiar sounding boots shuffled against the floor until he reached the couch and seemed to hover there for a moment. 

“Ah,” he said. “I see.”

And Crystal wasn’t sure what he meant until she rolled over and saw him looking at her phone. 

“You are fighting with your parents,” he said.

“So what?” she asked and snatched her phone out of his hands.

“So, magic, especially one as instinctual and ingrained as yours, is highly influenced by your emotions.” Crystal glared up at him from the corner of her eye, which forced him to hold his hands up in defense. “Not because you are a woman, or whatever else it is you might be thinking I meant. Just because magic works that way.”

They needed a new couch. She poked at a hole that had long since been worn into the cushion and pulled out a bit of stuffing before sticking it back inside. “So I’m just going to keep fucking it up?” she asked.

Edwin sat down on the floor with his back to the couch. It was almost easier to talk this way, the two of them back to back. At least then she didn’t have to see his judgmental face, and he wouldn’t have to see her cry.

Not that she was crying, of course.

“No,” Edwin said quietly. “You will not keep ‘fucking it up.’ Although it will likely take time for you to get used to doing magic with such intentions, not just relying on your instincts to guide you.”

She pulled another thing of stuffing out before shoving it back in. “What’s so wrong with instincts?” Her ancestors had done fantastically for her so far.

Edwin shuffled, but she couldn’t figure out what he had done. “Nothing. Instincts are, as Charles would say, brills. They help keep you alive and safe and have been developed for exactly that reason.”  He shifted again, and this time Crystal could feel him fully leaning back against the couch, and the goosebumps that a ghost in too close proximity caused raised along her skin. 

“But what happens if you can’t trust your instincts? What if something has changed or been manipulated and you can’t trust them?” he asked.

And Crystal knew they were talking about something heavy, something that Edwin would definitely rather not talk about with her. But here he was, talking about it with her just the same.

“You mean Hell?” she asked. She rolled over just enough to get a peek at the top of Edwin’s head. Even though she could see very little of him, she could tell that he was nervous and that made her nervous.

“Not strictly speaking of Hell. There are plenty of supernatural beings with the ability to manipulate you or your senses for their own gains.” He looked over his shoulder, his eyes barely catching hers. “But yes, I was referring to demons like David.”

Her nails had already been bitten down to the quick, but she chewed on them anyways. Buzzes shook the couch as more texts from her mom chimed in, likely just another rant about what an awful child she was and how she was making everything so difficult for them.

“They’re just saying those things because they feel like they are failing as parents,” Edwin said. He’d turned back away, his eyes staring into the closet as if it offered something particularly interesting inside. “And while that might be true, that does not mean that you are a failure.”

She snorted. “Oh yeah,” she said. “What do you know about it?”

Edwin’s sharp green eyes turned towards her before quickly cutting away. “You are hardly the only one to grow up with rich, neglectful parents,” Edwin said. “Why do you think I was sent away to school in the first place?”

Any and all fight she had had in her died. Fighting with Edwin was supposed to be fun and sharp and quick– it didn’t seem fair to fight him when he was being so honest.

A forced smile spread across her face as she reached out and bumped him with her hand. “Shoulda known you had rich parents,” she said. “Look at how you talk.”

Edwin furrowed his brow. “Everyone at school spoke the way I do.”

“Exactly.”

They sat in silence for a while before Crystal sighed and held out her hand. “Gimme the book,” she said. Which Edwin gracefully did.

The original language was too hard for Crystal to read, but Edwin had written it down in English and then wrote it out phonetically below that. It wasn’t very long, nor was it anything special, just a minor illusion spell. It wouldn’t be enough to trick anyone, or save her from a demon, but it was definitely a start. 

“Charles will be happy you’re trying again,” Edwin said as she ran her hands over the pages. 

“Oh yeah?” she asked. Was that a B or a D? Edwin’s handwriting was so nice it was almost hard to read.

“He takes his job very seriously as the brawn,” Edwin said, as if she needed to be told that. “But it makes him happy to know that you or I could defend ourselves with spells if we had to.”

Once again she snorted. “But you never do,” she said. “And I don’t see how this little spell is supposed to help.”

Edwin nodded. “Never need to. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be able to in return. Besides, this was one of the first spells I ever learned, and it's a great base to build on.”

And maybe that was a better way of looking at it. Not just defending herself or learning magic that some old, dead person other than Edwin had created when she could just use her own ancestral abilities. No, this was just another way to protect not only herself but the people she had come to love. 

Plus, wouldn’t it be nice to have a base spell that she could work on? If she could master this, maybe she could use some elements from it in her family's own magic.

Slowly, she read the words out as she tried to picture what she wanted to show Edwin. It wouldn’t be perfect, she was sure of that, but God if she wasn’t going to make this time work.

Purple petals and leaves filled the air as the image of the tree inside herself appeared in her palm. It was shaky, the picture almost glitchy and waving before reappearing slightly less detailed than before. It was as if someone had roughly sketched what was inside her without any special art talent.

But dammit, that was her tree, and she had cast it.

“It’s beautiful,” Edwin said. His eyes were wide, and he leaned in. Petals settled over him for a moment before passing through him on the way to the ground. She wondered if that was a ghost thing or a magic thing. 

“This is me,” she said. 

Edwin glanced at her before turning back to the tree. “Your ancestors’ tree,” he said, finally understanding. “I can only imagine how amazing it is in person.”

Pride she hadn’t expected to feel flooded her, filling her tree with even more light until it nearly blinded the two of them. Edwin folded her hands closed, shutting off the spell as they blinked spots from their vision.

She smiled sheepishly and he grinned back at her, one of the first true smiles she thought she had ever seen on his face. 

“We’ll work on that,” he said.

And they would.

[dayxero]

TL;DR - Because a relationship between two or more people, defined by falsities, isn't what the average person wants.

-Because for most people, the mask they wear, isn't their true self. Its the face they wear, the expressions they show, the impression they put on to hide who they really are underneath and how they really feel. The desire to peel back this layer to reveal what's underneath typically, at least from my experience and from what others have said and said themselves or told me, it comes down to two major reasons.

-1: People who are used to putting up a front because those around them, cannot or choose not to understand them. This situation can make a person feel so utterly and profoundly lonely that it often times draws them into dark or unsettling places within their own minds. Just to be noticed or accepted or to avoid shame or being rejected, the mask remains, but it means that person rarely, if ever, gets to express who they truly are, unabashedly. Sure, anyone with a high sense of self worth or a massive ego would respond to such a notion with something along the lines of "Just be yourself, no matter what happens." But our lives are filled with so many different various different connections, relationships and circumstances that many times, the average person can't afford to be themselves 100% without consequence. The desire to see characters have their masks peeled back to expose who they truly are underneath and be accepted for it, is a primal urge we all seek in one form or another. We want to be loved, seen, valued for both our benefits and our faults. But many times, many people cannot truly express their true selves to even begin to make that connection with someone else and thus, the deep desire to live vicariously through other characters experiencing such a thing is born within those types of people. The desire to tear off their own masks, completely without fear and to be accepted for it, is also what they want from characters they like and can relate to, who are also doing the same thing as them

-2: This is more outwardly in a way and a bit more complicated but ultimately just an inverse of 1. When a person is trying to form a connection with someone they're being open and honest with, be it friendship, partnership, romantic, etc, that person instinctively wants the other to also be willing to share nearly the same level of forwardness, honesty and transparency. Its innate.

-Now of course I need to preface this by saying everyone has a right to withhold aspects of themselves they don't wish to share. If they so choose, maintain as much privacy about yourself as they want. And furthermore, no one is entitled to the same level of trust and affection offered by someone else.

-In spite of that however, attempting to form a bond with someone, one that is genuine and respectful and direct, only to receive lies, falsities and deceit from that other person, isn't exactly a good feeling. People who are trying to connect with others don't enjoy being lied to, pushed away or led down fake paths because they want a real connection, and this also bleeds into what they're reading/watching. When they see a character trying to form a connection with others, create barriers and hide who they really are and their real intentions, all the viewer can see is someone who is a self-prophesied failure in their own desires. A character that truly manifests the concept of genuine victimhood where they desire one thing but actively create the very same problems that causes their own suffering and misfortune, but still crave empathy and sympathy. That level of self-destruction can be very annoying to watch for people who've reached a certain state of self-awareness and maturity for a wide variety of reasons.

-There is a number 3 as well but I think this is too long and too deep as well for a post like this. If could be one for venting, or one seeking a genuine curiosity, don't know. However since the thought was put out into the ether, I responded to it in kind. But anyways, that's at least 2 out of the 3 major reasons I've personally seen as to why people prefer relationships between characters who remove their masks and show who they really are, than characters who base a connection off of falsehoods to hide aspects of themselves from the world and people around them.

personally I do not understand the obsession with revealing whats underneath the mask a character wears all the time. as far as I’m concerned that mask IS their face. do NOT peel them. that’s the same as the beast from beauty and the beast turning into just some guy at the end

[lily-fics-11]

I Can See You: Chapter 8 (Ellie Willaims, TLOU)

I Can See You

Fic master post here

*Not beta read

It’s been over a month, and I am so sorry! I’ll have a little life update at the end in case anyone cares lol. Thank you to everyone for your patience and support:)

Chapter 8

Your first date with Ellie, who is officially your girlfriend:)

Word count: 4k

CW: *Ellie and reader are both 18*, profanities, sexual innuendo/references, briefly talking about food

Deep breath in. 

An hour until Ellie picks you up for your first date. The hottest girl in school, the hottest girl you’ve ever seen.

Deep breath out. 

Time to get ready, time to get perfect. 

Before washing your face you splash cold water on it first to focus. This is actually happening, it’s not some elaborate day dream. 

The normal skin care routine first, then all the makeup and prep you would usually do for a date or party. A tried and true hairstyle that  always looks good on you. 

Hours had been spent picking out an outfit the night before. Changing into it, you look in the mirror and adjust yourself until your appearance is deemed perfect. 

The buzzing of your phone continues the whole time you get ready, the group chat wanting to hear more about Ellie and the date. They get an answer here and there.

Caroline is protective as usual, telling you not to fall for any of Ellie’s tricks, or let her turn you into some elaborately planned one night stand. 

Melissa was getting intel from her sister, since she is on the lacrosse team. The locker room was full of whispers about you and Ellie after the game. The underclassmen who don’t know Ellie as well thought the whole thing was cute and romantic. The upperclassmen are a little more divided. Some of them feel bad for you, assuming that it won’t go well. Abby and her friends think Ellie is doing it all to spite her. The rest are hopeful that this will mark the official end of all the Ellie girl drama they’ve been so happy without over the last month. 

Nicole is the most nonchalant. Knowing how strong and smart you are, she doesn’t question whether or not you can handle yourself. Though she doesn’t understand it, she knows the effect that you can have on women. If anyone can change Ellie, it’s you. In all honesty, Nicole is most excited to hear your review of the new restaurant more than anything else. 

Then there is sweet, sweet Teresa. Bless her heart she is so excited for you. Asking for pictures of your outfit, hyping you up, and telling you how cute you and Ellie are together. 

Ellie rings the doorbell at 7:00 on the dot.

When you open the door she offers her hand for you to take. “Hello beautiful,” she smiles and drags you into a kiss. Her soft lips welcome you like you’ve just arrived home. She smells good, having just sprayed her perfume. The earthy and woodsy notes have become so familiar. The scent is strong as it washes over you, fogging out everything but Ellie. 

Ellie leads you down the steps but she isn’t looking forwards, but back at you. Taking you in, looking you up and down… there are stars in her pretty green eyes.

“You got all dressed up for me,” she points out, admiring all the effort you put into your appearance. “You look great. Well you always do, just a little fancier tonight.”

“Thanks, you know you look pretty good yourself?” You giggle. 

Ellie, with a slight blush in her cheeks, opens the passenger door of her beat up pickup truck and helps you in. Sitting down herself, she plugs in her phone and turns the music low enough to talk over it, but it’s still loud enough to make out the song that’s playing. She’s playing your favorite song. 

Backing the car up and putting it into drive, Ellie puts her hand on your thigh. But she doesn’t just let it rest there. She grasps your leg so that she isn’t simply touching you, she is holding onto you. 

A smirk creeps up on your face when you take a moment to look at Ellie’s hand. Her veins are well defined. Her fingers are long, adorned with silver rings. 

This small gesture, it’s protective. Possessive. It has your heart beating like you’ve just run a marathon. 

After the car stops you go to open the door but Ellie puts out a hand to stop you. “I’ll get it for you.”

Your face warms and you busy your hands by adjusting your clothes. It’s not that you hadn’t expected chivalry from Ellie, it’s just causing butterflies in your stomach now that it's your first date and it’s actually happening. 

Ellie opens the door and once again takes your hand to help you get out. Her hand is a little sweaty. Is she nervous too? THE Ellie Williams, feeling this way about you?

Walking into the restaurant hand in hand is a surreal experience. You catch a glimpse of your reflection in a window. The reflection of a cute couple is mirrored back. 

The hostess seats you at a quiet spot in the back corner. It’ll be a nice place to just talk and enjoy each other's company without any prying eyes. 

Sitting across from Ellie, you find yourself admiring her beauty, as always. Like a song you can listen to on repeat for hours. It’s something you’ve done a thousand times and will continue doing. The way freckles are dusted over her fair skin and a faint flush colors her cheeks. How her lips curve into an adorable grin. That sparkle in her eyes. 

“I’m so happy to be here with you baby,” Ellie tells you with a hint of shyness “to be your girlfriend.”

“B-baby?” You stutter, surprised by the replacement of the word ‘babe’ with ‘baby’. The word itself feels more significant, as well as the way she says it. It holds a certain conviction. 

Ellie looks down and starts fiddling with one of her rings. “I feel like ‘babe’ is too casual. You’re not just some girl, you’re my girl. You mean so much to me.”

“I like that,” you tell her, placing your hands on top of hers. Ellie looks up at you, meeting your gaze, and her posture relaxes with the familiar feeling of your touch. 

“We should probably look at the menu,” Ellie says, though clearly not wanting to let go of you yet. Nodding, you use your free hand to pick the menu up so you don’t have to let go of her. She follows suit, and you both reluctantly look away from each other and at the menu. 

The waitress takes your drink order while you look over the menu.

“It was nice to meet Joel,” you tell Ellie after taking a first glance at everything.

Ellie peers over the menu with a relieved smile. “I’m happy you got to meet him. It was nice to meet your friends too.”

That receives a chuckle in response. “You don’t have to lie, baby. They weren’t particularly nice to you.”

“They were just being protective. I think it’s good that your friends care so much. So tell me, what did they think? I’m sure they had something to say.” Ellie questions cautiously, putting down her menu to give the conversation her full attention. She laces her fingers through yours to properly hold your hand. 

After tilting your head to the side and taking a moment to go over everything they have said you giggle and admit “they don’t know what to expect.”

Ellie’s free hand nervously grabs the back of her neck.  “That’s my fault isn’t it.”

Squeezing her hand for reassurance softens the worry in her eyes.“It’s just as much my fault. I obviously hadn’t told them it was you I was talking to, but I didn’t really tell them anything. Just that she played lacrosse and went to North, half of it was a lie. I told them there was a girl and that was all I gave them aside from them seeing those hickies on my neck. So when I was like ‘surprise, the girl I’ve been hiding is my girlfriend and actually you all know who she is.’ I was already on thin ice for hiding things from them.”

Ellie nods sympathetically. “You are very close to them, makes sense that they don’t like you keeping secrets. Especially when the secret has the reputation it does.”

Smirking, you tell her “believe it or not, they were way more chill when they talked to you than when I first broke the news.”

The look on her face is one of disbelief. “Seriously? That was them being ‘more chill’?” 

“Yeah,” you laugh, seeing the reaction it got from her. “They didn’t even believe me. At first I just told them it was a lacrosse player from our school. They guessed everyone but you and assumed there was a sapphic they didn’t know about before they even considered you.”

Ellie’s eyes narrow. “So they asked about Anderson?”

Biting your lip, you give her the truth. “That was their first guess.”

She looks both offended and disappointed. “They didn’t even guess me? Why not? Am I not good enough?”

Squeezing her hand and giving her a gentle smile, you try and help her relax. “No, they knew that before now you didn’t do relationships.”

Ellie's expression is one of extreme embarrassment. “Oh. Wow,” is all that she can say, and it sounds strained. 

But her expression softens with the way you look into her eyes with deep compassion. “I told them that you aren’t like that anymore. That you’ve changed.”

Her posture straightens and her attitude perks up.“I have.”

“I know that baby. They’ll see,” you promise her. 

“I’ll do whatever it takes.” Ellie is dead serious. It’s obvious that she is devoted.

“I know you will. You are going to impress them. They’ve already started to warm up a little, even if it doesn’t seem like it yet. You actually won Teresa over already.”

Ellie lets out a long breath and smiles. “Tell Teresa that I say thank you. And that she’s a saint.”

“She was very impressed by your romantic gestures and hard launch,” you giggle. 

Seeing you giggle melts Ellie’s heart. “I’m glad she appreciated it. But I wasn’t trying to impress anyone except you. I just wanted to show you how much I care about you.”

“Melissa and Nicole should be easy to win over,” you assure her. “Jackie, Melissa’s sister, is the new freshman on varsity. Just make sure she feels welcome and is adjusting okay. Nicole? She likes Dunkin’ Donuts.”

Ellie’s nod is dutiful, she gives you a salute. “Be nice to the new girl on the team, get an extra coffee when I stop there for you. I’ve got it covered.”

“That’s 75% of the friend group!”

“And the other 25%?”

“Caroline is very stubborn,” you sigh.

“Tell me what to do and I’ll do it.” Ellie is very eager. 

“Well, being nice to Jackie will give you some bonus points. Maybe give you, I don’t know, 7%. Doesn’t matter how many times she is told that you’ve changed, she needs to see it. Actions speak louder than words with Caroline. I think that seeing you treat me well over time is what it’s going to take,” you explain to her. 

Ellie nods, looking determined. “I’m going to treat you well. Treat you the best. Everyone will see how much you mean to me.”

“You’re sweet Ellie,” you smile at her. 

She squeezed your hand. “You are.”

“Sweet enough that your friends approve?”

“Well you talked to Paz. I only bothered to talk to my other best friends,” Ellie explains.

Brooke, Anna, Danny, Tim and Mark. Brooke is a soccer player, Anna plays volleyball. Extremely popular, effortlessly beautiful, exceedingly influential. Danny and Mark are lacrosse bros, Tim plays football. Seemingly douche bags, but not the worst of the worst. Brooke and Danny have been an item since freshman year, but Mark is a player like Ellie. Like Ellie was.

You look at Ellie expectantly.

“I’ll start with the good news. Brooke and Danny seem excited for someone else in the group to be in a relationship. Mark is disappointed that I won’t be playing the field anymore. He also asked why you….” Ellie trails off. 

Smiling at Ellie, you reassure her. “You can tell me the truth. 

“Mark wondered why if I was going to have a girlfriend why not… a girl we usually hang out with.” Ellie bites her lip. “I told him how great you are, he’s coming around.”

She doesn’t say anything else, just nervously focuses on her menu.

“Don’t worry, Ellie. I’m not offended or anything. What about Anna and Tim?”

She takes a deep breath. “They, uh, will be harder to convince. They think you are using me, that you’ve got an ulterior motive. They think that since you are smart you must have manipulated me into a relationship, that’s why you are the only one to ever get me to settle down.”

The stress on her face melts away when you squeeze her hand and give her a soothing smile. “That’s not unfair, they are just looking out for you, the same way my friends are looking out for me. You’re acting different, it makes sense that they would question why.”

Ellie nods. “I’ve changed for the better.”

“I know that, soon they will too.”

“So uh… do you want an appetizer?”

After ordering you decide to lighten the mood and tease Ellie. “You never told me you had noticed me before I became your tutor.”

“Well yeah, of course I did. Just look at you,” she chuckles. “First time I noticed you, Paz said it wasn’t worth it, that you’re smart and you’d know better. I was too much of a horny little shit not to listen to her. Then any time I looked at you over the years those words were in the back of my mind.”

“I guess that’s fair enough. So what was different this time?” This is something you’ve been dying to know. What changed? 

“When I used to play the field, I would flirt with every girl the same. Talk about lacrosse, all the championships I’ve won. But you didn’t give a shit.” Ellie laughs and starts tracing circles on your hand with her thumb. “I’d never met a girl that wasn’t impressed by that stuff. You weren’t condescending, even though you could have been. It was your job to help me… but it was more than a job to you. Nothing about you was shallow, it was impossible for me to be, even though I normally was. I was starting to feel all that when we played that guessing game. So when I looked into those pretty eyes of yours, after you made me guess what color they were? It was all over for me.”

Once the waitress has served your food and walks away Ellie clears her throat. “Can I… take a picture of you? To put on my story… I wanna show you off.” She’s never sounded so shy before. 

Biting your smile and nodding, you tease her “you know we don’t even follow eachother on social media?”

Ellie’s eyes widen. “We have to fix that right now.” She’s dead serious, even has a sense of urgency. She passes you her phone so you can add each other. On every form of social media, she insists on it. While on Ellie’s phone you see that she has a space aesthetic as her background.

“I like your wallpaper,” you comment while switching from one app to another. “Very space nerd of you.”

“Hey- it’s a nice wallpaper!” Ellie defends herself with a sheepish smile. 

With a smile on your face you let her know you’re only teasing “Baby, I think it’s cute. It’s very you.” After finishing the social media following Ellie takes back her phone when it’s held out to her. 

“Now can I take your picture?” Ellie questions eagerly, like a kid asking for a cookie.

“Only if I can take one of you too,” you giggle. 

Ellie asks you to pose for the picture, but even when you do, her smile is still bigger than yours. 

“Can I see?” Ellie playfully rolls her eyes when you request to see the picture before she posts it. 

“You look perfect, but I guess,” she chuckles, turning her phone. Your eyes are full of joy, a cheesy but genuine smile with a hint of a giggle. “Do you approve?” Ellie teases. 

Nodding your approval you smirk at her and unlock your own phone. “My turn!” 

Watching Ellie pose awkwardly and fixing her hair? It’s possibly the cutest thing you’ve ever seen. Her freckled cheeks are flushed pink and she smiles bashfully. When you snap the picture you know that it’s your new favorite. 

The both of you post the photos on your stories, all smiles and excitement to be showing eachother off.

“Now that we have followed each other on social media, and posted each other… I realized that I still have you as ‘tutor girl’ in my phone.” Ellie bites her lip.

You start giggling. “And I’ve still got you in my phone as ‘space nerd’, we should probably change that.”

Ellie raises an eyebrow. “Going to add some cute little emojis or something?”

“Of course, and the picture I just took as your contact photo.” The two of you change what you need to in your phone and put them back away. To enjoy each other's company. 

“Should we get desert?” You ask after you both finish your dinner. 

Ellie smirks. “Well I have movie tickets for us, so you might want to save room for snacks.”

“What are we seeing?” You question with eager enthusiasm. 

“Do you remember that one movie you mentioned?” Ellie asks, not sure if you actually would.

“You remembered?” That movie came up in conversation very briefly, but Ellie does remember the little things. 

“Of course I did. I always pay attention to everything you tell me. Sometimes I write stuff down if I think I might need it later.”

“Like how you took a picture of my Dunkin’ order. Before we even started dating,” you laugh. 

“We weren’t dating but I wanted to impress you. I was kind of dating you in my mind before we made things official…” Ellie blushes. 

Ellie insists on paying the bill instead of splitting it and you leave to go to the movie theater. 

“Baby, what do you want?” She asks at the concessions counter. 

“Um… I’m not sure. I kind of want candy but I also kind of want popcorn.”

“Then get both,” Ellie says nonchalantly. 

You shake your head and laugh. “I don’t need both.”

“But you want both, so I’m getting you both. I already know your favorite candy so you can’t stop me,” she smirks. “Anything to drink?”

“Hmm… I want to get a slushy. But water is better for eating popcorn, so I’ll get water.”

“What flavor slushy do you like?” Ellie smirks.

You softly elbow her in the side. “Ellie you don’t need to get me both.” 

“Yes I do!” She pouts. 

“Blue raspberry,” you sigh. 

Ellie orders everything and insists on paying for it once again because ‘she was the one that asked you to go on the date’. You made it clear you won’t let her always pay for everything and that you plan to spoil her any chance you get. Ellie also tries to carry everything by herself, but you take the drinks so that nothing gets spilled. 

In the theater you sit in the back row. While organizing the snacks and drinks Ellie put up the arm rest between you. “The water bottle has a lid, it can go anywhere. I, however, can't go anywhere. I have to be as close to you as possible.”

Getting comfortable during the previews Ellie wraps her arm around you and you lean into her, resting your head in her shoulder. She kisses the top of your head and gives you a squeeze. You chat before the movie starts, trading starry eyed smiles. 

Once the movie starts the two of you quiet down. Every once in a while you feel Ellie move a little, and eventually you realize it’s to look at you. She’ll stop watching the movie for a few minutes so she can stare at you, and then she has to ask what she missed after starting to pay attention again. Occasionally, Ellie will subconsciously kiss the top of your head. 

At one point she leans over and says “I want to put you in my lap and kiss you but I don’t want to do that on our first date. I want to treat you like a lady.” That makes you giggle. Hearing your laugh makes Ellie’s smile even brighter, it makes her want a kiss so badly, it’s visible in her pretty green eyes. 

At the end of the movie you walk out with Ellie, hand and hand. You see a few people from school and you catch their attention, but that doesn’t even matter when the date is going so well. You and Ellie pay them no mind. 

Ellie parks in your driveway and turns the key in the ignition. 

The urge to tease Ellie was too strong to resist. “I made it out alive.”

She just smirks “You aren’t out of the car yet.”

“Plan on killing me?” You laugh. 

Ellie’s eyes narrow seductively. “Well I plan on taking your breath away.”

Before meeting Ellie this hot to nerdy loser ratio didn’t seem possible. How can she look so unbearably hot while saying something so incredibly cheesy? Now isn’t the time to try and figure that out. “Then get to it, Williams.”

Ellie leans over the center console to cup your face in one of her hands. The other finds itself on the inside of your thigh. She closes her eyes so you follow suit, she lets her lips slowly find yours. She isn’t gentle for long. Ellie starts soft but abruptly deepens the kiss, as if intending to hold back and subsequently failing. Her grip on your thigh tightens but instead of pulling you towards her she presses further into you, practically crawling over the center console. 

“Ellie,” you whisper breathlessly, “come here.” Grabbing onto her and roping her in, she climbs over the center console and clumsily falls into your lap. One of her hands tangles into your hair and the other goes right for your chest while her lips find yours once again. 

You reach for Ellie’s shirt to try and pull it off, but she stops you. 

“Are you okay?” You ask breathlessly, face red and worried.

“Good, so good,” Ellie nods with a smile.

“Then why did you stop?” You ask, holding her face in your hands to get a good look at her expression. 

“We are in a car. Before this we’ve messed around in the library, and a classroom. You deserve better than this. We deserve better than this. If we keep going… I’m not going to want to stop, and we can’t have our first time together in a car.”

You brush a piece of hair out of Ellie’s face. “You’re right. I want our first time to be special*

Ellie cups your face with a gentle hand and gives you a sweet kiss before climbing back into the driver's seat. She takes your hand in hers, intensely holding your gaze. “You’re special. And perfect. And beautiful.”

Blushing, you nervously adjust your shirt for a distraction and look down.

With her index finger on your chin, Ellie tips your face back up. “I mean it!”

“I know you do,” you smile softly, “you’re sweet.”

Ellie chuckles, “I’m just telling the truth.”

Beaming at her, looking into those beautiful eyes, you run a hand through her auburn hair. “You are pretty great too. Beautiful, flawless, extraordinary.” Ellie’s eyes widened, but they are starting to look a little sleepy. Her tiredness is evident. “You had a long day, I’m sure you want to get home and wind down.”

“But that would mean leaving you,” she pouts.

That makes you laugh. “You’re going to have to do that eventually.”

Ellie’s freckles nose scrunches up, brows furrowed. She’s unwilling to accept that. 

“We can hang out again tomorrow,” you promise her, running your index finger along her jawline. 

“I’m going to a party tomorrow tonight, do you want to come with me?” She’s hesitant but hopeful. 

“Is it the one at Kyle’s? My friends want to go because ‘everyone’ is going to be there.”

“Yes, actually!” Excited surprise lights up her face. 

“So, you gonna be my date to the party?” Ellie practically begs. 

You smirk. “Is that an invitation?”

“Of course it is! I want my beautiful girlfriend by my side.”

Ellie walks you to your door and kisses you goodnight, you make her promise to text you when she gets home safe. 

(Space aesthetic wallpaper and Ellie’s outfit are from Pinterest)

I didn’t mean for it to take this long😭 Here it is in chronological order: I went to see my girlfriend and got to meet her daughter for the first time (it was the best day ever). I got sick for a while:( I took a spontaneous trip to see my bestie who lives in Chicago (I live in NY) and then got sick again. My ex (that I’ve been broken up with for over a year but hurt me so bad) texted me confessing her love a week after I posted my girlfriend for the first time and it fucked with my head for a bit lol. Also, I also got a part time job, and I like it a lot! So I’ve been working along with studying for my professional engineer license. I had some issues with filling prescriptions/getting my medications (for mental health) and that really threw me for a loop. I’m hoping now that I’m into the swing of things with work and things have seemed to settle down I’ll have more time to write!! It’s been a lot besties and I’m doing my best😂

Tags: @bready101, @st4r-b3rries, @tlou-bombshell, @stvrs13, @everegretseverything, @mikellie , @lamolaine, @0pheli4 , @soupycloud, @radioheadfan699 , @callmelola111, @hysteriawillnotsuccumb , @normalthing111 , @3isosoup, @lmaoo-spiderman, @cqliflower, @ellstronaut, @boobdrug, @liasxeatt , @that-queer-fanbase , @benthoee, @charminglilly , @ellieslittleslutt, @dinanellie, @h4by43iie

(I’ve mostly fixed the tag list I think, lmk if you’ve change your @ or want to be added:))

[ghostiemothp1mp]

|BREAKING: HAZBIN SEASON 2 LEAKS FLOOD THE INTERNET!|

You heard right folks! There was a breach at A24 and Spindlehorse toons resulting in almost the entirety of season two being leaked onto several platforms but mainly Tik tok. While something similar happened last year when Hell's Greatest Dad got leaked, this time it was to a much greater scale, including several songs, animation clips, and more spoilers than imaginable.

Yes, this is disastrous for Spindlehorse and the entirety of Hazbin Hotel as show. In fact, we're lucky that Hazbin hasn't been dropped from Amazon all together. A lot of times when a breach this big happens, the show just get cancelled, but Amazon has stated that their legal team is trying their best to clean this up and find the perpetrator who did this.

However, the leaks are spreading like wildfire and the amount of views and shares is growing by the minute. The best thing that is fans and viewers can do is NOT SHARE. DO NOT SHARE. DO NOT WATCH IF YOU CAN HELP IT! AND REPORT REPORT REPORT! If you come across spoilers of ANY kind—for example, footage, song clips, fanart—REPORT IT IMMEDIATELY AND GET IT TAKEN DOWN.

Now, you might say, "but spoilers aren't a big deal! I wanna know what happens!" Believe me, we are all excited for the next season, but we need to find out what happens the RIGHT way. I will not be sharing exactly what was leaked because I do not want to feed the fire, but the leaks released kind of ruin the show cuz a) they don't make sense cuz they are just random bits and pieces and b) it makes it a lot harder for Spindlehorse to even keep the show and fandom going. We are extremely lucky that Amazon is even keeping the show, please PLEASE help Spindlehorse keep it that way!

According to Spindlehorse, they believe that the person who leaked the footage was actually someone either on their team or on A24, in other words, this was an inside job. Whoever did this had full intention of sabotaging the success of this show from within, either to serve their own nefarious purposes or someone else's. Currently we don't have any more information on it, but hopefully Amazon's legal team can find the culprit and punish them accordingly.

Okay, so, some footage got leaked. What's the big deal? Well, I didn't go that in depth as to the real effects of the leak earlier, but I will do so now. First of all, it's one of the biggest breaches a show has seen in a WHILE. Including hundreds of shots, MULTIPLE musical numbers, and character reveals that were not planned drops. What does this mean exactly? Well for starters, we probably won't be seeing any more con teasers or sneak peeks. Remember the Baxter teaser? Yeah, that probably won't be happening again. Second of all, I have already seen the fandom start to slowly fall apart on Tik Tok, hundreds of videos talking about how angry they are, not just about the show being spoiled in the first place, but the content of the spoilers themselves. People are already saying how furious they are about the twists and turns the show is taking, without even considering the fact that these leaks don't even contain the full context. Third of all, as the leaks spread and fanart and edits and cosplays of the spoilers flood the internet, the likelihood of Hazbin growing in popularity and hype with the release of season two grows slim. Nobody will be super excited about the "big reveals" next season because they've already been spoiled. Yes, this is pretty disastrous, not just to Hazbin as a cartoon, but to the fandom as well.

That is why we must take action! We must aid Spindlehorse and Amazon in the clean up by not sharing the spoilers. We must aid them by not creating fanart or edits or reaction vids or cosplays of spoilers either. We must aid them by reporting these videos and getting them taken down. We can save Hazbin, but we have to work together.

If anyone sees this post, please share. Please help stop this madness and keep things that should be secret, secret.

[rainbowsky]

Heyy rainbowsky. I hope you're doing good. There's something that's been on my mind for a while regarding candies, esp the one regarding their social media and the ones that seem "intentional". Do you think these are directed at each other or to turtles. As a younger turtle I used to think it was for each other and would also see them as a stretch cause I couldn't see the point of putting so much effort in these if they were already together. But as I have taken a break and come back, (older and wiser i hope) and have myself found my footing in my queerness while still being largely closeted, I feel like I'm swaying more towards the latter. That they do this for the turtles, or more so for themselves and their identities. It's makes me think of how i wear a discreet rainbow bracelet as part of my everyday wear, ie, a quiet assertion of who i am to who is willing to see. What do you think about this? Also what do you think turtles represent for them? Do you also think for them, we are an escape from an otherwise homophobic and closeted world? I'd really like to know your perspective.

Hi Chaoticmoonlight! I'm getting by! I hope you're well, too! 😊

Well, these things don't have to be a case of either/or. They can serve multiple purposes at the same time. I think that when it comes to 'declarations of love', or a certain type of social media PDA in their posts (kadian, candies, etc.), it's almost always aimed at each other and at turtles simultaneously, as well as anyone else who knows them for who they are (friends, family, etc.).

If GG and DD want to send a message to each other, they can just pick up the phone. Doing so publicly or on social media inevitably involves an element of self-expression, and likely at times becomes a grander gesture because of the public nature of the message.

If a partner holds your hand at home, it's sweet. If they do it in public there's an added element of 'making a statement', of openly declaring their affection for you. This gesture can become more powerful as the risk of doing so increases.

I agree that it's also a lot like wearing a rainbow flag pin or carrying a rainbow tote bag, or all the other ways queer people express ourselves and show our colors. It's a way of being as open as possible about an important relationship, and about our identities.

I've posted about this a few times in the past. A very common misconception among most people - especially straight people, but even some queer people - is that closeted people will want to do everything in their power to hide their sexual orientation and relationship status/partner. I think this is a very misguided understanding of the closet.

People have a fundamental need to be seen, accepted and validated for who they are. It's not just a 'nice-to-have', it's something people truly need for their survival and well-being. People who don't get those needs met will generally not thrive, and will often suffer in deep and damaging ways.

A lot of people think the closet is a place where people go to stay safe, and therefore it's a 'safe space'. This is so untrue. The closet might be the best option among several bad options, but it's by no means a safe, happy place. It's often a place of loneliness, alienation, grief and pain. People don't generally stay in the closet because they're happy there - they stay there because coming out is more dangerous/scary than staying closeted.

The vast majority of people, if they knew that it was safe to come out, - that they'd be accepted, protected and respected - would do so in a heartbeat. But even from within the closet, there is still that need to be seen and known for who we are. Those needs don't go away just because someone is closeted.

Closeted people will often go out of their way to share as much as they possibly can about who they really are, right up to the line where they'd be fully outed.

Coming out is also not just a 'one and done' thing. It is a gradual process, and one that has to be repeated over and over again as the circle of 'those who know' expands over time. I talked about that in more detail here. The best way I can express it is to say,

people will be as 'out' as they are able to be at any given time.

For some people, being out among friends and family and showing some small under-the-radar expressions of Pride will be their personal safe limit. For others it might just be wearing a rainbow bracelet, or wearing their lover's scarf. That safe limit will often expand or shift over time. Sometimes it will even shrink. There's definitely such a thing as 'being thrown back/deeper into the closet'.

GG and DD are in the unique position of having millions of people who believe they're a couple. While I'm sure it sometimes makes their experience of being closeted that much more terrifying (considering their relationship is being talked about so openly), I suspect that in most cases it makes their experience of being closeted so much more bearable.

They might not be able to make a post sharing photos from a hiking trip they took together, but they can share enough information to ensure turtles know they took that trip (a special moment for both of them, not just turtles). They might not be able to post boasts and praise about their partner's successes and milestones, but they can in subtle ways express their joy so that those who know, know, and so their partner witnesses their praise. They might not be able to openly put their names side by side on charitable works, but turtles will do it for them.

It's not just the gesture itself that is sweet. As I said earlier, the public nature of it - the fact that others are witnessing it - adds to the power and significance of it. GG seeing DD wearing a #29 helmet for racing practice on GG's 29th birthday no doubt made GG smile, but it likely also made him doubly happy to see us freaking out over it, and knowing that someone out there knows DD was celebrating him.

As I have said in the past, I feel like turtles probably give them strength as they deal with their day-to-day experience of being closeted and apart most of the time. This is a sentiment LRLG has often expressed, too.

Wishing you strength and support on your journey as well, chaotic-moonlight. There's no right or wrong way to be queer, and no timeline we have to meet. Being closeted in no way invalidates who we are.

Related posts:

Closeted Relationships

Coming Out

What BXG Might Mean to GGDD

About Kadian

Sun Wenjing and coming out in less than ideal circumstances

[laeana]

I’ll preface this by saying no drivers should ever receive death threats or wish for them to crash and so on. You won’t ever catch me saying this to anyone (not that I ever post about f1 on Instagram or X anyway).

But on the other hand, it is a little bit funny to me seeing campaigns of how dare you hate on Lando and send him death threats! on tumblr of all the places, as if the people here were the exact same ones that were on instagram. If you want to spread awareness about that fact, do it on the appropriate platform. You shouldn’t clog drivers’ tags with it, even more if you turned a blind eye when anybody else received hate and started to advocate only when it concerns you.

That being said, if you don’t want to see posts hating or even just criticizing your driver, you should stay away from the anti tag that belongs to them.

I personally think it’s silly to have the stance “let’s not hate on any driver okay??” because that’s just not how reality works. You will feel emotions toward people and how they’re acting, good or bad. Sometimes you will vent, and maybe some other people will share the same opinion. As long as it’s kept in the appropriate space, where is the problem? I don’t want to see Max or Lewis’ hate so I have the anti tags of theirs blocked for example, it’s as simple as that.

I’m also tired to see people saying Lando is only hated because he’s challenging Max or because it’s a popular thing. Sure there are opportunists, just like in every place. But let’s not act as if Lando hadn’t been overprotected by a part of the fandom with the image of being an absolute manchild and baby that could do nothing wrong, with the excuse of British humor and the fact he’s advocating for mental health as a shield.

I say that from the bottom of my heart, I used to really like Lando. Seeing him have his first win was wow, crazy and emotional. But the way he also has behaved this year just reinforced remarks and attitude of his that never sat well with me even in the past. Maybe we should question his PR for letting him self-sabotage and say things that he shouldn’t, but nonetheless it won’t change that he has said and done things that made him appear as childish, entitled, and sometimes insufferable.

That post wasn’t supposed to be so long, but maybe we should make a list of all the times he lacked respect or said/done things about the other F1 drivers this year so that no one can come up with the idea that if we dislike him it’s only because it’s popular. Using this excuse really feels like denial from some people that don’t want to see why his behavior may have irked a part of the fandom.